#absolutely horking chunks

[fluffypotatey]

LMFAOOOO at Jorge trying to teach these feral children table manners.

In tmr + deleted scenes, they all eat with their hands and drink out of shared jars, Frypan literally just Throws a chunk of hot bacon at Thomas like "think fast, Greenie" and Thomas just horks it down like he's starving (which tbf he probably was) and I refuse to believe the girls were any different because why would they be except for sexism reasons??? I think the only two "manners" they have are 1) to rinse your hands off first (not wash, like, legit just splash in some water or something and dry off on a rag) and 2) to make sure everyone gets a share before anyone gets seconds/extras. Other than that? Woof.

I need someone in the Right Arm to be like, "I have seen better manners in a prison cafeteria."

Jorge has his work cut out for him.

But on the other hand, it'd be so funny if at least one or two of them have weird muscle memory from pre-WCKD childhood that only needs reminding, so the first time they get to use cutlery, they actually know how to use it properly, like fork in this hand, knife in this one, cut into neat little bites, and they're just Staring at their own hands like "what the entire fuck???"

They still don't quite get the need for spoons, tho. Like. It's already in a bowl? Just drink it?

And also I think sharing food is absolutely a Glader/Icer love language. Not just in a community sense, but on an individual scale too. If they give you some of their food, then you are In with them.

Newt bringing Thomas dinner at the bonfire was 100% his opening move on the Greenie. ;)

Minho when his hands just know how to cut up a vegetable: what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

no ok but like i can see the Rinse Hands tule evolve because the medjacks are tired af about Gladers/Icers getting a stomach bug or food poisoning. and Frypan just sort of having the unconscious realization that pots and pans need to be cleaned or else they won’t be useful for cooking (maybe pre-Swipe Thomas sent a little booklet on how to maintain a cast iron for him and he uses it religiously until they’re out of the Maze and spends a couple moments complaining about how he can’t clean the cast iron they found good enough as before)

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

@gher-bear​

I worked with an old cassowary boy. We'd normally just shift him off exhibit if we needed to go in, but if he wouldn't move, we could go in with a shield and backup, basically.  He was also easily distracted with fruit, and old enough that that's really all he wanted. Which is fair.

If I'm choosing battle morphs, it's not my first choice. They're smaller than they look in pictures, and while they're a good solid chunk of muscle and bone, they've got to get a good angle and some heft to their attack, since they're really only using their feet. Those beaks aren't going to be doing much damage. Probably good against a Taxxon if you can keep to their sides and back, good for crowd control on humans, but you're likely gonna lose against Hork-Bajir.

Absolutely one of my first choices for "Morph that will cause chaos" though!

Oh dang, I didn’t consider them being flightless with regard to getting their feet at the right angle to fuck someone up.  Makes sense now that I think about it.

Cassie ended up in Australia at one point, right? Wouldn't it have been cool if she shows up to her next battle with a cassowary morph?

Cassowaries are an awesome battle morph! I've always headcanoned Loren using that one post-war. They seem like they might be glass cannons, though, able to dole out a hit but not take one. Anyone who has ever fought a cassowary and won willing to weigh in on that one?

[cruciferousjex]

The Attendant Five:

Make The Bad Thing Good

"Look, I don't have the temperament for...for whatever the fuck this is, " Glimmer said. She paced back and forth before the couch where Catra sat, hugging her arms around herself, still in her bloody clothes despite Hordak following her about with a folded nightgown, desperately urging her to take it.

He had reacted badly to the blood. He was still at his post outside the dining room door when Prime finally dismissed them, after a hours of grilling about Etheria and the weapon it contained. Hordak straightened on seeing the girls exhausted and covered in blood, his green eyes going wide. He took Glimmer by the shoulders and turned her, looking for the wound. 

"It's okay," Glimmer said tiredly. "It's not my blood."

He glanced conceredly at Catra.

"Not hers either."

He looked back and forth between them. Something flickered in his expression. His eyes narrowed. He glanced back inside the dining room as if to hold someone accountable for this offense to his charges, but the dining room was empty. He returned to the girls,  placed his hands protectively on their upper backs, and gently urged them back towards their rooms, dead eyeing any clone who passed them in the halls. As soon as they got there he retrieved fresh clothes for them, which Catra opted for, but Glimmer was too much of a nervous wreck to do anything but pace.

Catra lay on the couch, wearing the simple white nightgown Hordak had handed her, sipping tea as she watched Glimmer traverse the living room, Hordak following her with a nightgown. 

"How are you so calm!?" Glimmer snapped at Catra.

"Look Sparkles, nobody just 'has' the temperament for this. Especially not you. You're a Princess, of course you don't understand anything about rulers."

"The fuck this that supposed to mean?"

"That means if you ARE the ruler you never have to learn to work a ruler."

"Oh, because you learned to work Hordak, is that it?"

"Pretty much," Catra said, drinking her tea.

Glimmer glanced at Hordak, who at this point was wide-eyed and limp eared with concern, practically begging her to take the nightgown. She turned to Catra with a look of quiet horror.

"Catra...was...was Hordak like that?"

His ear flicked slightly at the name.

"No," Catra said. "No, Hordak was...I mean he could get angry and violent, but he wasn't like...twisted." She looked at him. "He was actually kind of pathetic. All he cared about was trying to buy his way home."

"By using Etheria as payment? How is that not twisted?"

"I meant in the sense that he never forced me to eat a bowl of myself or walk around with my tit out."

Glimmer frowned. "Well that's...something. I guess." She turned to Hordak and took the nightgown. The relief on his face was palpable. "Why would you ever want to come back here?" she asked him.

Hordak quirked his head at her, not understanding the question.

"I mean...when something is all you know,  it's all you know. Even if it's bad," Catra said, looking down into her teacup. "It's like you have to make the bad thing good. You have to make the bad thing good or ...or you'll die, or something."

Glimmer 's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about? There's nothing good to be made from Prime. What did he think he was going to change?"

Catra didn't reply at first. She sighed.

"Sparkles...Glimmer...your mom loved you, right?"

Glimmer seemed taken aback. "Yeah? Of course she did. Everyone's mom loves them."

Catra laughed grimly. 

"What?" 

"Okay first of all, no, not everyone's mom loves them. Some moms are fucked up. Some dads are fucked up. Sometimes parents have their own fucking goals and you aren't one of them. But like… that doesn't matter when you're the kid, you know?"

"I don't."

"Even if they're fucked up you still...love them.  And like...you want them to love you. More than anything. More than like...breathing. Even if you don't like them, even if you HATE them, you literally feel like you'll die if they don't love you, like there's a huge…hole...in you...and you'll do anything…." Catra's voice broke. She grimaced. "You'll do anything you think you have to do. For Hordak, that was take over Etheria." She sighed. "At least I think that was what was going on with him."

Glimmer considered this. 

"Is that...is that also what was going on with you?" Glimmer asked softly.

Catra's mouth made a tight line. She gazed into her tea.

"Go get changed,  Sparkles. Take a bath or something." She turned to Hordak. "Attendant, draw a bath for the queen."

He leapt into action, seemingly overjoyed to be put to work.

"Catra-"

"Look how happy he is," Catra chuckled. "He's drawing the living fuck out of that bath. Go. You'll hurt his feelings."

Glimmer frowned. 

"Go!" Catra said. "I can't watch you freak the fuck out anymore, okay? Go calm your royal nerves."

Glimmer gave an exasperated sigh and followed Hordak.

"Careful he doesn't make you absolutely squeal," Catra called after her.

Glimmer shuddered and made a big show of pretending to vomit. Catra laughed.

"I'm absolutely horking chunks," Glimmer said. "Prime's so gross."

"He's so fucking gross," Catra agreed. 

***

While Glimmer bathed, Hordak joined Catra in the living room and carefully folded their bloodied clothes, then dumped them in what she assumed was some sort of hamper. His eyes narrowed as he did this. Mouth made an even straighter line than usual.

"You're… you're pissed off, aren't you?" Catra asked softly as he refilled her tea. "I know that look."

Hordak did not reply. He stood next to the couch with his hands clasped behind his back, servant like, at the ready. 

"Sit down," Catra said. 

He made to sit on the floor.

"On the couch, dipshit," Catra said. "God, we were taking over Etheria together and now you don't even know how to sit on a couch. Remember building all those cool robots? Coming up with all that...stuff? You used to really love being in your lab tinkering with things. You called it your Sanctum." She took a sip of tea. "Fucking nerd. Now look at you. All of that...all of this...for him? For that guy, Hordak? He doesn't love you, he was never gonna love you, and now you're-"

Hordak watched and listened patiently, green eyed, expressionless.

An ache rose up in her.

"Whatever, " she muttered into her teacup. "You made your bed. This was what you wanted, right?" Her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes burned. "Bet you thought winning would be different, huh? You thought Prime would hug you and spin you around? Tell you you're a good boy?"

He tilted his head. Blinked.

"I'm sorry he did this to you, " Catra said, sniffing. "You were a real piece of shit, but…." 

Hordak took a napkin from the tea tray and handed it to her. 

"What's this for?"

He pointed to her cheek. It was wet.

"Aw. Aw fuck," Catra said, dabbing at her cheek. "I know I'm not crying over you."

He stared at her.

"I wish you'd talk," Catra whispered.

Hordak frowned, and with much effort, said, "Good...boy."

"Yes," Catra said. "Yes, you're a good boy."

And he smiled, as though that were all he needed to hear.

***

After Glimmer's bath Catra had one, then Hordak herded them into the bedroom like a sheepdog. 

"Oh is it bedtime? Is this like, enforced bedtime?" Glimmer asked. "What are you my mom?" 

"I could go for some enforced bedtime, I'm exhausted," Catra said. "One bed. Thanks Prime, you sicko weirdo fuck." She frowned at it. "Though to be fair it's huge."

"Prime sized," Glimmer muttered.

"He wishes," Catra said.

"He clearly does and it scares the shit out of me," Glimmer said. 

There was a knock on the door. The girls froze. Hordak's eyes narrowed with the same anger Catra had seen while he folded their bloody clothes.

"What the hell does he want now?" Catra asked. "It's the middle of the night."

Hordak went to answer the door. Catra and Glimmer remained in the bedroom listening.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," said a clone.

There was silence for a long moment. Glimmer and Catra exchanged worried looks.

"Sleeping," Hordak finally said, as though it was difficult for him to find the word.

"Prime requests the presence of the Queen and her Lady," the clone repeated.

"Asleep," Hordak said. "Sleeping."

Catra peeked around the door frame. The clone tilted his head, peering at Hordak.

"Prime. Requests the presence. Of the Queen. And her Lady," the clone insisted, slowly, as though Hordak were too stupid to understand him. 

Hordak lifted his chin.

"Sleepy," he said, crossing his arms. "Sleepy girls."

The clone frowned. There was a tense standoff, which ended when Hordak simply took a step back and allowed the door to slide shut between them. 

Catra and Glimmer gave big sighs of relief. Hordak joined them in the bedroom, glancing back at the door as he walked.  

"Thank you, Hordak," Glimmer said. "Good boy." 

He smiled.

"Are you going to get in trouble for that?" Catra asked him.

"Oh no," Glimmer said. "Oh god, do you think-"

"I don't know. I mean I'm pretty sure he just disobeyed a direct order." Catra's eyes widened. "Holy shit, Hordak. How did you-"

She stopped talking when Hordak slowly raised his arms and placed his hands on top of each of their heads. He looked at them both in turn, as though trying to impart something, but what that was wasn't clear. 

"Sleepy girls," he finally said. "Sleep."

And with that he left the bedroom. 

When they awoke the next morning he was sat in a chair facing the door, standing guard. There had not been another clone messenger knocking in the night. Prime had chosen to leave them alone.  

"Was he here guarding us like this the whole night?" Glimmer asked.

"Looks like it. Good morning, Hordak," Catra said. 

He did not turn, but he did glance back. His ear gave a slight flick.

"Did you see that?" Glimmer asked. "He's starting to think that's his name."

"It is his name," Catra replied.

"Yeah," Glimmer said. "Yeah he gets to keep his name. Attendant!"

He turned and rose from the chair. 

"Stay seated," she commanded. She walked over to him and paused before him with a royal gravity. He looked up at her with wide eyes,  as though she truly was his queen. 

She held her palm vertically before him, touching one shoulder with the side of her hand, then the other.

"I dub thee Hordak," she said. "Rise."

[hermitologist]

My Favorite Records of 2022

Hi. I made another list.

First thing’s first. I apologize for the lack of music recommendations and runs on my Instagram this year. Thrice had a pretty busy touring schedule, and with the kids back in school the local virus carousel was BRUTAL. Seemed like we got to sample a new strain of the crud literally every other week. It’d rip its way through the house, we’d send the kids back to school, they’d bring a new batch of snot home a few days later, and it’d start up all over again. Rinse and repeat. It was hard to get out there and run with all that going on. Also: Blame where blame is due ... I got a little lazy when I wasn’t picking up goopy Kleenex or horking up some crud of my own. I”ll be back next year. (Hopefully.)

An-y-waaaaay ... 

I did manage to listen to a lot of new music despite "the circumstances”, and I have compiled all of my favorites for you here. There's a pretty clear cut Top 5 this year based on play counts, but the rest of the list didn’t really make sense to rank because this shit’s really all subjective anyway. I broke the list into categories that made sense to me, at the time, for organization’s sake. Each record has link to the band/label’s Bandcamp or website, so please please PLEASE support the artists you love beyond just streaming their music.

Playlists with a song from each record are below. I know it’s a lot of music. I know it’s all over the place. I know you don’t have time to listen to five-and-a-half hours of music. At the very least, I’d suggest at needle-dropping through the entire thing and earmarking some stuff to check out. That’s how I find a good chunk of this stuff. 

And please let me know what you dug this year and think I should check out!

Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season. See you next year!

PLAYLISTS

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Spotify)

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Apple Music)

My Favorites of 2022 Playlist (Tidal)

THE TOP 5

Elder - Innate Passage

No contest here. This is a clear cut #1 for me. Fifty-four minutes of absolutely glorious, wholly transcendental, life-affirming, dreamy/heavy metal-adjacent prog. As a musician, I can tell you firsthand how hard it is to write a long song that doesn’t *feel* long. These fellas routinely crank out high-quality 10-minute-plus jams that you’ll hope never end. Queue this up and take it for a run, a long walk, or a long drive and you’ll see what I mean. It’s magical. And yes, it came out late in the year, but I haven’t been able to stop listening to it or thinking about it since, and I don’t see that changing for a long while.

Meshuggah - Immutable

It’s damn near impossible to find the right words for this band, let alone this record, but this is absolute wizardry, yet again, from the best metal band that has ever existed. Pure face-melting heaviness. They routinely reset the bar for what heavy music can and should be, and Immutable is no exception. It might even be my favorite Meshuggah record ever.

Museum of Light - Horizon

Ultra-heavy, sludgy, dynamic, meditative, push vs. pull, melody vs. dissonance post-rock in the vein of Kowloon Walled City, Shiner, Traindodge, and Torche. The songwriting is so clean and efficient, and the record as a whole is just a gorgeous, perfectly crafted arc. It’s perfect.

Holy Fawn - Dimensional Bleed

The heaviest, prettiest, most infectious batch of post-rock/metal I’ve heard in a long while. Dynamic shifts that are pure catharsis. A band that has the ability to give you euphoric chills one minute, and bring you to tears the next, headbanging all the while. Their first LP blew me away, and I wasn’t sure they could top it, but they totally have.

The Beths - Expert In A Dying Field

This record was an instant pick-me-up this year. A much-needed salve amidst all the stress and anxiety and depression the world can throw your way these days. Twelve preposterously hooky jams, that will put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step (even when the lyrical content dips into darker themes). It totally rules.

15 OTHER RECORDS THAT STAYED IN HEAVY ROTATION (in no order)

PLOSIVS - S/T

Drug Church - HYGIENE

Tvivler - Kilogram

Birds In Row - Gris Klein

gospel - The Loser

Cult of Luna - The Long Road North

Russian Circles - Gnosis

Conjurer - Pathos

Anxious - Green House

SPICE - Viv

PUP - The Unraveling of PUP The Band

The Smile - A Light For Attracting Attention

Pianos Become The Teeth - Drift 

Cloakroom - Dissolution Wave

Stray From The Path - Euthanasia

OTHER RECORDS I ENJOYED (also in no order)

Architects - the classic symptoms of a broken spirit Pedro the Lion - Havasu And So I Watch You From Afar - Jettison Mass Worship - Portal Tombs Rival Consoles - Now Is  Fleshwater - We’re Not Here To Be Loved Abraham - Debris de Mondes Perdus Norna - Star is way way is Eye Dan Mayo - Greenhouse Silvan Strauss - FACING Vein - This World is Going to Ruin You Author & Punisher - Krüller Black Thought/Dangermouse - Cheat Codes Cave In - Heavy Pendulum Square Peg Round Hole - Reservoir  Kendrick Lamar - Mr. Morale and The Big Steppers Pete Rock - Petestrumentals 4 Pet Fox - A Face In Your Life Swami John Reis - Ride the Wild Night Heriot - Profound Morality  Bastions - Majestic Desolation Wake - Thought Form Descent Inclination - Unaltered Perspective Momma - Household Name Hot Water Music - Feel The Void KEN Mode - NULL Animals As Leaders - Parrhesia Mark Giuliana - the sound of listening Meat Wave - Malign Hex Haunted Shores - Void Blessed - Circuitous Celeste - Assassine(s) Louis Cole - Quality Over Opinion Grivo - Omit Wonder Years - The Hum Goes on Forever A Hope For Home - Years Of Silicon Mountaineer - Giving Up The Ghost Norma Jean - Deathrattle Sing for Me Lamb Of God - Omens Psychonaut - Violate Consensus Reality Callous Daoboys - Celebrity Therapist Easy Prey - Unrest 84 Tigers - Time in the Lighthouse  Codespeaker - S/T Colonial Wound - Easy Laugh Thousandaire - Ideal Conditions

THE NEW BOTCH SONG I LISTENED TO LIKE 247 TIMES IN 3 DAYS

Botch - One Twenty Two

10 FAVORITE EPs

Downward - The Brass Tax  Cult Leader/End - Gather & Mourn  Irist - Gloria  Gleemer - Here at All  GoGo Penguin - Between Two Waves Lockstep - Lockstep 2  Portico Quartet - Next Stop  Be Well - Hello Sun  Chamber - Carved In Stone  Waldo’s Gift - Improvisations Vol. 2 

1 RECORD FROM 2019 THAT DIDN’T “CLICK” UNTIL 2022

Car Bomb - Mordial

2 RECORDS THAT DIDN’T COME OUT IN 2022 BUT GOT A LOTTA SPINS

Low - Double Negative Pile - Green and Gray

3 PODCASTS THAT I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT

Office Hours - humor, music, pure joy The Distraction - sports and social commentary/humor Effectively Wild - baseball analysis/humor

[jq37]

Let's go final bloodkeep ep breakdown!

**spoilers for the tomb of ultimate evil**

I was originally kind of annoyed that dropout wasn’t working when I wanted to do this originally, but it’s actually kind of a blessing in disguise now that I think about it because it means I get to rewatch and discuss the ep in light of the bombshells Brennan dropping in the BTS video.

As I watch the Previouslies, I realize I’m still not over the fact that Maggie named her kid after Leiland. It was so sweet an unexpected. 

So, at the start of this episode, Brennan must have realized that his plans are pretty much jossed because the 4 baby blessing was *very* not on the docket  

“Absolutely, Lilith’s got 25 strength.” Idk why that’s so funny to me. Maybe because I think Rekha was asking whether Lilith was allowed to carry her, not if she was physically cable but Brennan was like “Of course she can carry you. She’s an absolute unit.”

Leiland’s first move? Drawing all the enemy fire. Markus’s first move? Immediately hiding. In fairness, my dude is a rogue.

Lol, spiderweb baby bjorn.

“We’re evil but we understand communication and consent.”

Nat 20 from Old Pickering! Finally he’s useful!

Watch a bitch call lightning! A different bitch, but still.

Amy’s childish delight at the prospect that there might be a bomb in the goblins is so good.

I love how on board everyone was for the mystery potion.

Did Hork exist before this episode? I have no memory of him existing.

Nat 20 for Sohkbar!

Brennan is really so good at all of his on the cuff J'er'em'ih nonsense.

Erika yelling, “Sanctuary!” a la Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I like that Lilith calls her spider kids to defend them by going, “Get ‘em ladies!” and then Brennan decides one of the kids she summoned is Jason.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done…and everything I’m about to do.”

Leiland Jr. MVP!

I love that Lilith treat’s Sohkbar as if he’s also a parent.

Two words I’ve learned to fear since I’ve started watching RPG shows: Lair action.

Leiland just BARELY not being on the falling chunk of floor.

Brennan really faked me out on that Jason fall. Man really was about to make me cry over a fictional spider for the SECOND TIME in my life (Charlotte’s Web).

I love Erika screaming over Jason in and out of character separately.

“Guys, this is our element! Knocking people off of things!”

Leiland’s affirmations. Who is doing counseling at the Bloodkeep.

AOE spells are so boss.

“Everyone look at Leiland! He’s doing it!” Aww, everyone finally gets to see him be cool! It’s really wild how much of an arc these guys went through in just 2 days of play. It’s very narratively consistent.

“Oh you fucking freak, you’d love that.”

“Tell him something is gonna happen to his bones but don’t explain it.”

Rekha loudly announcing her ridic amount of hitpoints is on of my fave things

I love how in both campaigns so far, Brennan has had a moment of, “You’re not bad at magic, you’re just depressed.” What an oddly specific thing but also, relateable.

Cell Block Tango ft. Leiland.

Leiland curses one of the Vingury. I’m sure that won’t be important later (I’m lying).

Ify/Markus just refusing to learn Hobbert and Frod’s names.

 Ify: *Trying to do a shenanigan*

Brennan: I see what’s happening here.

DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE. DOOR LORE.

So I guess the real lesson of this season of D20 is always commit to your running jokes because you’ll get free nonsense out of it. (A 19! That’s so painful!)

Jessa just straight eats not-Gollum.

Both Jason and Jessa are very protective of their mom and I love it.

Maggie All elves look the same. (Maggie said F elf rights)

The full 6 seconds of silence from Matt between his saying  he loves J'er'em'ih more than any other animal companion and looking directly at the camera and saying, “Except for Trinket,” very seriously.

Amy: I must become the necro boatman.

Brennan, whose plans have now been entirely womped: :O.

I truly didn’t even consider attacking the boatman. I feel like this is such a good DM moment, because I feel like my reaction would have been, “That’s not how this works,” but Bren just let it happen, which is better both for the story and player agency. I’m taking notes.  

Efink getting validation on her chosen name by the evil statues.

“Kick his ass and you get the power!”

“I’m like a setpiece, not like a guy!”

Sohkbar claims the baby as his ward. This baby is gonna have so many godparents.

“MY DAD SHIT IN A BAG?”

What a wild improv.

I love the ancient evil statues have Lilith’s back on the fact that she should have gotten the promotion.

When Leiland Jr was born Brennan was like, “He’s not gonna do much. He’s a baby.” One ep later this baby is taking turns and fireblasting enemies and talking like he’s the Godfather.

OK so there’s a lair action. Leiland rolls a NAT ONE to not plummet into the Bloodkeep. Brennan clearly is ready to bring out the ghost figurines we saw in the BTS.

The statue Lilith JUST got the blessing from falls which means if she hadn’t gotten it that turn, they would have been screwed. Sidenote: Brennan says it was an instant lose condition for them which is part of why I was surprised that this wasn’t his plan to begin with. He just readjusted everything on the fly and set new parameters. What a good, confidence projecting, quick thinking DM.

It’s Leiland’s turn. He is once again falling to his doom. This time, without the bossa nova music and soothing apathy because he actually has something to live for.

AND HE USES HIS HEX TO TELEPORT TO THE VINGURY HE HEXED BEFORE.

It was JUST close enough. And he almost cursed Olag instead! That decision saved his undead ass!

I love that Leiland is Uncle Leiland to Jason! And later Jessa calls Efink Aunt Efink.  I wanna see evil Thanksgiving so bad.

“You’re really killing it today Leiland!” My boy finally getting the praise he deserves. (Also, wild that this is all still THE SAME DAY)

“oKAY, okay, OKAY, oKay.” –Brennan having a moment

“You wanted us to play evil characters but we’re actually playing evil players.”

Man this episode is truly how Leiland got his groove back, huh?

Boatman rolls a 4 to resist fear. Go Leiland!

“I take off my mask to reveal…I’m sexy as fuck.”

Everyone including the evil statue is hot for Markus.

“Shut the fuck up, Olag. Go kill yourself.” Maggie just has no patience for nonsense (that’s not the kind of nonsense she enjoys anyway).

“Do I take psychic damage from that?”

Lilith gets a nat 20!

Maggie, upon Leiland calling her 'my queen’ for the second time: Just call me Maggie, please.

“THAT’S AN ABILITY  J'ER'EM'IH  HAS?”/“I guess.”

“Lilith, you’re my girl! Lilith, my girl!” They grab hands over the table. It’s such a pure moment.

Brennan after they kill the Boatman: I mean, fuck me I guess.

Leiland goes down. Leiland Jr. goes, “Nah, get up, you’re fine,” and he gets back up. (Brennan at this point has clearly fully leaned in to the direction his players dragged him).

Leiland comes back as Leiland the White. And I just realized! That’s the ghost figurine! I thought that was the figure Bren got for when Leiland inevitably completed his story arc. No! It was the figure for in case Leiland DIED.

Leiland FONZES at Leiland Jr.

Nat 20 from Maggie to avoid falling into the Bloodkeep!

Leiland lets Markus convince him to not kill Olag (for future shenanigans). Leiland instead owns Toby and rolls a 29 to convince Oswald back onto their side. Toby also comes as a zombie on their side. Everything’s coming up Leiland!

Except no, he goes back down immediately and falls face first into the blood pool.

OK, check it. Markus bargains with one of the evil statues to make Olag alive and undead for eternity. The statue is kinda on board but wants to make a trade. Markus basically goes, “Watch this,” and STEPS INTO THE VOID.

Go back and watch Amy’s reaction. It’s so genuinely shocked and concerned. Matt’s is good too.

Sidenote: That is apropos of nothing goal wise. He just wanted to torture Olag.

Maggie gets the final blessing with a quiet, heartfelt speech Brennan doesn’t even make her roll for. The statue tries to get her to put in a good word w/ her dad for it and steps all over the moment.

Ify, about to pull out shenanigans part two, electric boogaloo: I never got a chance to attack on my turn.

He attacks himself and warps back up!

Amy: Is that how you play a rogue????

Why sneak attack damage? Can you sneak attack yourself?

“You’re a liar!”/“I’m a rogue.” Beautiful.

We’re evil!

Oswald dies and Leiland comes back! Hexing Oswald really panned out for him

“It’s all spiders from here!” I wanna start saying that.

Efink cancels out a nat 20 on Sohkbar!

Lilith telling her kids to go find safety is a small thing but sweet.

“You know you live near Goblin Island and you always say you’re gonna visit.”

Markus swashbuckles over to the bloodkeep before he falls. Leiland is ready to jump his bones.

Nat 20 from Leiland! Is that his first one?

AND THEN HE ROLLS TWO NAT ONES!

Classic Leiland.

I love that Leiland is pro J'er'em'ih now.

John Feathers comes back for the epilogue. Rehka is more excited than anyone.

Lilith is voted queen regent of Gorgar! Go girl! And Jessa opens her fashion firm while Jason sets out to the forest. Good for them.

Scream beast babies!

And little Leiland asks big Leiland to get him the head of Galfast Hamhead! Full circle, I love it.

OK so Brennan said this and he was right. Leiland and Maggie have such a wild ass arc. She goes being “that whore” in ep 1 (idr what he actually called her but that’s the vibe he gave off) to “my queen” in episode 6. And like, man. Imagine planning a game where the goal is to lead the players into a PvP free for all and, instead, the only two characters with a legit grievance mend fences so much that one names their child after the other and that one swears fealty to that mom and her child. Imagine failing so hard at your original goal. Wow.

Anyway, that’s it for Bloodkeep! Thanks for hanging in there for me to write this up! I want to say something about the teaser for T.U.S. too but I’ll save that for another post. 

Sidenote: So Matt has been on D20 and Brennan has been on Naddpod. I think this means Brennan or Murph gets to be on Critical Role now. I’m a lawyer and I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works. 

[larathia]

On Quintessence and the Galra Empire

I dunno how far this will get into my stories, because frankly I don’t have a lot of characters to work with who are deep into the ideas of why and wherefore, so I’m going to write this (rather lengthy and detailed) headcanon down over here, and y’all can accept it or deny it or whatever but it is in the background of my VLD fics, as this is my genuine understanding of How This Shit Actually Works.

The TLDR is: Our Heroes got it wrong and ‘quintessence poisoning’ is not actually a Thing. Rather, what happened to the galra in general (and the royal galra family in particular) was something else entirely, something only baaarely touched on during the series but absolutely present.

You ready? Strapped in? Good.

1) Quintessence does not and cannot ‘poison’. Rather, it is a multidirectional intensifier.

We get introduced to quintessence, timelinewise, when the reality crossing meteor strikes Daibazaal. Quintessence comes out of that rift pretty much from the getgo, but we do not hear of the galra being negatively affected as such. Zarkon evacuates people near the rift because, well, BIG HORKING RIFT, but quintessence doesn’t seem to affect anyone particularly. We hear nothing at all about, for example, fights breaking out, or plagues, or anything.

If quintessence by itself could poison, it would’ve poisoned Kova the cat first. It would have poisoned the galra people long before anything else happened. No, the only things we know quintessence does  - by itself - based on what we see in the show is:

* it heals * it lengthens lifespan * it intensifies emotion

Keith gets splashed with untreated quintessence and it just heals his burns. Allura and Lotor fly into the quintessence field and there’s just curiosity and quiet joy. Kova gets dosed with quintessence and becomes the first immortal housecat.

2) What poisoned Honerva and Zarkon was the Dark Energy Being (DEB). DEB then poisoned the entire galra empire.

We do see Honerva kind of wilting and distracted, but we don’t see her having that reaction until AFTER the DEB comes through the rift. She keeps a little DEB by her workstation, possibly for years, just studying it. We know from S8 that the DEB is a hugely nasty piece of work, that it feeds on quintessence to survive, and that it can attach itself to a sentient host. I believe that the DEB in Honerva’s workstation drained her quintessence over time, and its visions screwed with her mind - and that’s why she withers the way she does, and eventually dies/lapses into a near-death state.

Zarkon and Honerva enter the rift and are both overtaken by the DEB. They both, thereafter, focus on acquiring and consuming quintessence. The DEB also has the effect of playing on/playing to/enhancing darker emotions like paranoia and rage, causing Zarkon to distance himself from Honerva (letting her name herself Haggar) and Haggar distances herself from Lotor. Lotor is born a sort of dhampir, in that the DEB is part of his being from the getgo. But because he’s born with it, and it’s a part of him throughout his life, he learns ways of dealing with it - it’s not manipulating him, it’s just part of who he is.

Anyway. Back to the empire. Possessed!Zarkon and Haggar need quintessence. They need the galra people on their side, angry enough to suck the quintessence out of planets. Now the galra were never as peaceful a race as the alteans - the galra history is a lot more like our own, in that they revered great warriors and conquerors. But they were clearly able to coexist with other races peacefully before the DEB was unleashed. What Honerva did was implant little DEBs into various sensitive people, and these people became the Druids. I firmly believe the Druids wear masks to hide the physical effect of having a DEB inside them, as well as to hide the fact that they’re not all galra. The DEBs in them grant them their magic, and also tie them in obedience to Haggar. The Druids use their magic to ‘process’ quintessence into fuel that runs the entire galra empire.

That fuel is tainted by the DEBs. So basically, the galra empire is created to run on ...well, ‘hate fuel’. The galra on the cruisers are in close proximity to huge amounts of tainted quintessence, which makes the calm ones angry, the angry ones furious, and encourages things like sadism in the ranks. The exposure makes the galra long lived, but warps their minds and hearts as the centuries pass. That warping lets the galra do what they do during the series.

When Honerva destroys the galra high command, she’s killing off the generals most thoroughly tainted by that poisoned quintessence. When the druids are destroyed, so is the source of that tainted quintessence. And weirdly enough the galra fairly quickly become much less of a Serious Problem. The stuff that’s been pushing them over the edge is gone, and the leaders that were probably also so poisoned as to keep going anyway are also gone.

I’ll backtrack a bit here and explain why I think this is the case.

Firstly: the DEB is known to affect personality.

We know this because Allura takes on a DEB in S8, and her focus is pretty much a beeline for ‘take out Haggar’ after that. Her character development in the whole season is kinda questionable, I grant you that, but we do see her being tempted early on, with visions and dreams, and once she takes the DEB on she’s willing to do things that are seriously morally questionable especially compared to where she started. (Like diving into Honerva’s mind? Really? At the start of the series she had a problem with putting Sendak’s memories into an interrogatable AI.)

We also see Honerva’s acolytes, and we know they’ve taken a DEB. They’re also the straight up most hateful Alteans we see in the primary reality of the show. They’re a lot more willing to react emotionally and from places of fear or anger.

My final evidence for this is the alt-reality Alteans, where it’s the Altean empire that’s the danger. With the worlds affected reversed, we can infer that the meteor hit Altea and not Daibazaal - and while they’re kiiiinda? gentler about it the Alteans are twisted in horrible ways too.

Secondly: Druid magic screws with normal quintessence quickly, and negatively.

We have as our main example for this the Crystal Venom episode. The crystal that Sendak puts in the castleship is purple, meaning it’s been tampered with by Druids. And what does it do? Exactly the same shit that the little DEB mote later does to Allura. It spreads fear through the castle. It tries to kill off the paladins. It plays upon their terror. None of that happens on a cruiser, but the cruisers use liquid forms of the quintessence, not giant crystallized chunks, and it may well be that this is why.

I know a popular fan theory is that it’s Sendak doing this, but we actually have no evidence of that. The AI of Sendak remains dormant all the way to S8. The ‘real’ Sendak is frozen in stasis - we can’t actually say for certain that him waking up was anything but Shiro’s terrified hallucination, as the ship poked at him the way it was poking at everyone else. Honestly, the only AI the crystal could’ve warped was Alfor’s, and we know that it did do so.

Hence, I really think all that purple quintessence in the cruisers and fighters was seriously fucking with galra minds. I think that may well be part of why a lot of cruisers were staffed with robot sentries, too - robots aren’t living, and thus can’t be driven into psychotic breaks by being near sources of tainted quintessence. The officers and commanders are near it, but not so near that the effects are too strong or immediate. Just a low, slow, warping of personality.

In short it’s never ‘quintessence’ doing the poisoning.

It’s the DEB behind pretty much everything.  And since they can’t stop reality-crossing comets from happening, there’s always a chance another rift will form, and some DEBs can get out and start this mess all over again.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and goodnight.

[lilacnothlit]

Canonically, Hork-Bajir heal at an absolutely bonkers speed, which is useful if you’re made of knives (and also everybody has such good immune systems, evidently the rest of the galaxy solved infections for good). Dak compares the slice he gets from Esplin to “this isn’t an injury like when we were slicing bark.” Jake and Cassie are able to turn into wolves and bite off chunks of Jara and Ket in book 13, and they’re absolutely fine, not even an infection from mouth bacteria like most mammals will give you. Injury and healing are facts of life.

By the same token of the skull being okay from the slicing, apparently, their healing abilities are almost comically prodigious.

We never see any Horks actually missing an eye, even though as we see in book one, chapter 25 -

- Tobias is most DEFINITELY not sparing their eyes. Then, in book 23, the Hork who thanks Tobias for being freed, he clearly has a scar across his eye, which isn’t shown to be missing. Which is fine, scar tissue is a really good evolutionary adaptation. But like... to me, this implies he grew his entire eye back.

This isn’t a flesh wound, this is a whole ass eye. One of the most fragile and complicated parts of the body, that breaks from a light tap. The text doesn’t say he’s missing his eye, but he couldn’t have gotten such a deep scar without at least some damage to his eye in turn. My takeaway is that Hork-Bajir are literally Wolverine.

i had a dream earlier that was from tom berenson's perspective where i think it was like he wasn't a controller but everyone else was and they thought he was too, sort of like in the familiar with jake, and anyway i blame you for this dream, big tom fan now

Thank you! I do love the frustrating impossibility of "no really, I swear I'm not a controller" as a fic premise. Because there really is no way to prove one's innocence, which is part of the whole conundrum of the series.