#additional tags: parody

[oldschoolfic-ds9]

This Week on Jerry Springer: Mass Murderers from Outer Space

by Sparky the Vorta, 1999

Due to another mischevious temporal anomaly, Kira, Dukat and Weyoun have been transported to late-20th-century Earth and are now sitting on the stage of the Jerry Springer show...

Words: 570, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: none listed

Characters: Weyoun, Kira Nerys, Dukat

Relationships: none listed

Reader suggested tags (what are these?): parody

links (link broken? report it and try the archive.org alternative):

archive.org - option 1

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity 1996

"Virtual Insanity" is a song by British funk band Jamiroquai, released on 19 August 1996 as the second single from their third studio album, Travelling Without Moving. The song interpolates parts of Jocelyn Brown's 1984 post-disco hit "Somebody Else's Guy". "Virtual Insanity" was a number-one hit in Iceland and reached number three on the UK Singles Chart, as well as becoming a top-10 hit in Finland, Ireland, and Italy, the song also climbed to number 38 on the US Billboard Modern Rock Tracks chart upon the single's release in the US in 1997. The song also earned the band a Grammy Award for Best Pop Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group. Thematically, the lyrics are concerned with issues like overpopulation, human genetic enhancement, eugenics and ecological collapse. In the beginning of the song's album version, a sound that is sampled from the 1979 sci-fi horror film Alien appears. It is the sound sequence when the S.O.S. signal appears on the screens of the spaceship Nostromo at the start of the film.

The music video for "Virtual Insanity" was directed by English filmmaker, director, and screenwriter Jonathan Glazer. At the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards it won 4 out of 10 nominations; Breakthrough Video, Video of the Year, Best Visual Effects and Best Cinematography. In 2006, it was voted 9th by MTV viewers in a poll on music videos that 'broke the rules'. In addition to heavy rotation on MTV and other music television networks, the video for "Virtual Insanity" has amassed more than 250 million views on Youtube as of August 2023 and has seen renewed attention on TikTok, gaining millions more views through various memes and remixes. It has been parodied, referenced, remixed or imitated in countless music videos, television shows, and internet memes.

On a personal note, I love each and every one of you who tagged the poll as "#rearranging furniture" in your reblogs! 😂💖

"Virtual Insanity" received a total of 80,7% yes votes!

[wotay27166]

AN ASSORTMENT OF SPARKLECARE FORMER FAN COMICS / AUs / PARODIES

The following are made by people not associated with KC and do not support KC. For each project I've written up a little blurb and put together some images to give an overview of sorts. If you are still into Sparklecare and want something to fill the void, here are projects that stem from it inspiration wise:

RELEASED

Suga Rush by @twinleafsystem

When Sugar Sweets is diagnosed with the chronic illness known as Sweetie Drops, the local hospital involuntarily admits them to Sparklecare Hospital. Unfortunately for Mx Sweets, the titular Sparklecare Hospital has anything but their best interest in mind. But with the help of her new friends, maybe she can escape! You can check it out here

Dovecare by @monsieurcapgras

Working as a nurse at Dovecare hospital, Uvie Hurse wishes to see the best in an otherwise horrible predicament. A shady boss, and troublesome patients - it's all in a day's work. You can check it out here!

Fresh Blood by @kyodentporc

Despite heeding the warnings of Charles Wells, Syco Sid's parents didn't exactly get the memo. Forcing their son to be institutionalized, Syco now must survive the horrors that await him. You can check it out here!

Ask Penpals by @sparklecare-good-au

The misadventures of Saturn Lonli and his pals! Originally the main character of the Sparklecare Good AU, now in his very own world! A heartfelt down-to-earth slice of life teen drama comic where YOU through asks can guide the story! You can check it out here!

Hell Hospital by @hell-hospital-blog

Hot off the heels of an arson attempt, Flayme Wolfe is sent to Bluebird Hospital as punishment for his crimes. The hospital is a front for vile experimentation where the patients are dismembered and have each other grafted onto each other. You can check it out here!

Crackcare by @cartooemcanhis

A redraw of the original Sparklecare comic in the artist's very own art style with a few new silly additions! You can check it out here!

PRE RELEASE / IN DEVELOPMENT

Strawberry Nightmare by @thecrumpler

There isn't much info about it right now, but Strawberry Nightmare is a reinterpretation of Sparklecare using names and characters to tell a completely different story that will prominently focus on Mood! You can check it out here!

Sparklemall by @snowytiger

The characters you know and love from Sparklecare now in an entirely new setting with radically different characterization! Hanging around in the hippest coolest mall in town! You can check it out here

Glittercare by @starrlybearleon

A proposed parody of Sparklecare that asks the question, what if the focus was one of those other hospitals in the same network as Sparklecare? You can check it out here

That's all folks!

These are the ones I know of, if anyone has more to add feel free to do so in reblogs. In the future if there are more that pop up that catch my attention I may make another post.

A reminder that #sperklacera is being used by a lot of people on tumblr for sparklecare adjacent stuff out of the main tag!

I will conclude this post with words from @toynbeck, someone who has been directly affected by the predators KC has associated with, on the most respectful way of going about creating things inspired by Sparklecare without supporting KC or invalidating victims:

[caer-gai]

Alright it's that time of year again...

Arthuriana August

An art, writing, playlist making, gif-ing, edit creating and anything else challenge based on Arthuriana!

The challenge officially runs from August 1st to the 31st, put things in the tag #arthuriana august and/or @caer-gai and I'll reblog it! Now, for what you're really here for: the prompts!

OC Week (1-5) : This week we celebrate the time honored tradition of adding your own little guy to the legend! Create something to do with your Arthurian OC, or a character original to another work (ie Brian from The Adventures of Sir Lancelot)

Child's Play (6-10): Kids! They're cute, they're lovable, and in Arthuriana they're often traumatized! Create something about your favorite arthuriana character as a child and/or your favorite "next generation" Arthuriana character!(i.e Gingulain, Kelemon)

Variety Pack (11-15): Look I get it, swords are cool as fuck, and if you're like me they might be the safest bet for a weapon you can draw. But there are soooo many cool weapons out there, so this week I challenge you to create something that contains at least one weapon that is not a sword. (Bonus points for each additional weapon /j)

Ye Olde Arthurian Tale (16-20): Time to go back to the classics! Create something directly inspired by a medieval Arthuriana piece! (I'll count anything before 1600 here yes I know that's not all the medieval period don't come for me)

Arthuriana.com (21-25): It's the far flung future year 2025, and we are still obsessed with our silly little knight stories! Create something inspired by a retelling (1600-present, for the purposes of this) OR create something for a modern/reincarnation/futuristic AU.

I Can't Believe It's Not Arthuriana! (26-31): This week we dive into the wonderful world of arthuriana adjacent stories, anything from contemporary (Biscarvet, The Song of Roland) to modern (Knights Tale(2001)) and even parody and satire (Don Quixote, Monte Python and the Holy Grail).

Rules:

You can create anything you want! (Please no AI)

NSFW and gore are allowed, just tag appropriately! I will use discretion while reblogging

I will be checking the tag and reblogging between August 1st and August 31st 2025! Feel free to post before or after that time frame if you need to, but I might not see it if you don't tag me

MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF THE WHOLE CHALLANGE: have fun! Don't push yourself too hard this is a silly and fun thing! Take the time you need, just tag me when you're done. I run these because I like seeing what you make

As always send me asks/notes/DMs/page boys with any and all questions! I'm happy to help=)

See y'all in August!!!

[tortillakitten]

Our Living Nightmare (4172 words) by Starry_Phoenix Chapters: 2/? Fandom: In Stars And Time (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Bonnie (In Stars and Time), Loop (In Stars And Time), Mirabelle (In Stars and Time), Siffrin (In Stars And Time), Odile (In Stars and Time) Additional Tags: Psychological Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, ish, Temporary Character Death, Isolation, Mind Control, <-kinda, im so sorry, Homophobia, Transphobia Summary: A month after the king had been defeated Bonnie finds themself back in Dormont. However, they quickly realise something is horribly wrong, as they find the members of their family all replaced with horrific parodies of themselves. They don’t know how or why this happened. All they know is that they need to get their family back.   Alternately: The ICAH au from Tumblr, horror variant.

Loop is quite unhappy with this development

[get-snuck-up-on]

Let's Try This Again...

Hi, I'm Tess! You might recognize me. When I started this account, I went by @/cyn-bot. I converted into a personal blog under the name @/painful-vomit. After a long break, I'm back to being a parody account and portraying Cyn again... with a few changes.

I'm no longer a full-on parody account. I'm now a mix of being a personal blog and a parody account. I'll still portray Cyn, but I will also use this account as a personal blog. Look below for further details on what to expect from my blog.

Tags for Tess:

#tess is talking - General tag for Tess

#tess answers - Answered asks from Tess

#about tess - Personal tag for Tess

#from the desk of tess - Tag for my art and random edits I make

Tags for Cyn:

#cyn yaps - General in-character tag for Cyn

#the flesh demands invitation - In-character tag for IRL Cyn

#cyn answers - Answered asks from Cyn

#CYNCORE - Aesthetic posts related to Cyn

Basic Info on Tess:

25 years old - Any pronouns - College graduate - Preschool teacher - Horror enjoyer

Media I Like:

12 Oz. Mouse - WALL-E - South Park - Sonic - Half-Life - TF2 - SMG4 - FNAF - The Simpsons - Lacey Games - Smiling Friends - Postal - OFF - Heathers - The Addams Family - Akiba Maid War

Additional Notes:

Normal text is when Tess is speaking. Bold text is when Cyn is speaking. Please do not confuse the two of us.

I am a parody account. That means my portrayal of Cyn is not accurate to how she acts in Murder Drones. I portray Cyn however I want. Don't expect a perfect portrayal of her from me.

Don't expect to see posts from Cyn every day. I will go days without playing my character.

Cyn's IRL/human face claim is Reina Tanaka. I use her as my faceclaim for Cyn in case I can't find an appropriate reaction image for Cyn at the moment.

Indicate who you are sending asks to. For example, write "To Tess" when asking me something or "To Cyn" when asking Cyn something. Otherwise, I'll answer asks however I want.

The #CYNCORE tag will contain graphic imagery such as gore, abuse, body horror, etc. Block that tag if you are sensitive to that type of content.

Some of my reaction images of Cyn were taken from "⚠️ OBSESSION ⚠️ || A Murder Drones Animatic" by Kkolg. All credit for those images go to them.

Do not send me suggestive/ns.fw asks. Cyn is a minor and I will not tolerate that shit. This is your only warning about that.

That's all. Like this post so I know you read it.

And look sharp - the two of us will be watching you...

[szlez]

Parody a.k.a Join The Navy

25th one for Suptober 2024 Remixed by @wigglebox and @thepagemistress based on Suptober by @winchester-reload.

Prompt 25. Parody

As it is actually a parody it is only fair to link you to the original art - a propaganda poster by Richard Fayerweather Babcock.

Make love not war, I guess 😉

To see my art without the fiery addition look here.

I'm pretty sure that it's inspired by yet another @masoena's Kinktober 2024 prompts.

Prompt 23. Uniforms (or lack thereof to be precise)

My other arts for Suptober:

Prompt 1. Autumn, Prompt 2. Spa Day, Prompt 3. Royalty, Prompt 4. Birthday, Prompt 5. Scars, Prompt 6. Electric, Prompt 7. Thankful, Prompt 8. Witch’s Brew, Prompt 9. Moon, Prompt 10. Mushrooms, Prompt 11. Myth, Prompt 12. Harvest Festival, Prompt 13. Monster Mash, Prompt 14. Fave Episode, Prompt 15. Sigils, Prompt 16. Falling, Prompt 17. Wings, Prompt 18. Family Business, Prompt 19. Dark & Stormy Night, Prompt 20. Limbo, Prompt 21. Cozy Treats, Prompt 22. Ladies, Prompt 23. Fever, Prompt 24. Branded.

Taglist.

Pls DM me if you want to be added to tag list or removed from it.

@aniona29, @denimshortsdean, @dotti55, @famouskidangel, @malicmalic, @squirrelsarecool, @writteninthestarsinyoureyes .

[wojakgallery]

Title/Name: Annoying Orange Soyjaks Known As: Annoying Orange is an American live-action/animated comedy web series created by Dane Boedigheimer (known online as DaneBoe). The series follows an anthropomorphic orange who annoys fruits, vegetables, and various other objects by telling crude jokes and puns until their demise. In addition, the show satirizes and parodies pop culture with a touch of off-color, surreal and gross-out humor. The Annoying Orange YouTube channel has 12.5 million subscribers as of March 2024. Country: USA Wojak Series: Soyjak (Variant) Images by: Unknown Main Tag: Orange Wojak

[blue-marbles]

Delta Squad Week, Day 4: "Tookas" & "Tell Fixer that."

As promised, less angsty than the past couple of days.

@deltasquadweek

Delta Squad: Trapped (6914 words) by BlueMarbles Chapters: 2/2 Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Delta Squad (Star Wars), RC-1262 | Delta-62 | Scorch, RC-1140 | Delta-40 | Fixer, RC-1138 | Delta-38 | Boss, RC-1207 | Delta-07 | Sev Additional Tags: Crack Treated Seriously, Mission Fic, Brotherhood, squad dynamics, Team Bonding, May contain traces of crack, Light Angst, Episode: s06e07 Once More With Feeling (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), no animals were hurt in the making of this fic

Summary: On what should have been a routine reconnaissance mission to an abandoned mining outpost, Delta Squad finds itself trapped in a room full of tibanna gas tanks. The facility's power keeps flickering on and off for no apparent reason, and it seems like somebody locked the door behind them. When the Deltas try to work out what they are actually dealing with, Fixer has a crazy theory that makes his brothers wonder if he finally lost his mind…

This fic started out as a crack fic parody of the "I've got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together" song from the Buffy: The Vampire Slayer musical episode, but grew legs and ran away. Remnants of that original idea are still there, so you might wanna give the song a listen for context. You don't need to know any Buffy though, to enjoy the story.

Chapter 1

There was not much left for Scorch to do but to watch his brothers. They had been trapped in this room for almost 15 minutes now, and he was getting antsy. Normally, he would have just taken care of that problem with the help of some well-placed explosive charges, but the room housed several big tanks full of tibanna gas, which meant that causing detonations would equal suicide, and Scorch was not into that. All he could do was wait while Fixer half-dismantled the door console.

Sev, sitting on a crate, had started to extract and retract the vibroblade in his knuckle plate every couple of seconds or so, each time causing an irritating kshk noise.

“Can you stop that? I am trying to focus here,” Fixer said, turning his head and, subsequently, his helmet spotlight towards them. The light was bright enough for Scorch to get blinded for a second before his helmet automatically disabled the night-vision light amplification.

Sev paused. “Haven’t got anything better to do. What’s taking you so long, anyway?”

“Don’t rush him,” Scorch said, “An artist needs his time.” He understood Sev. It was never nice to only be able to sit around while trapped in a potentially hostile environment, but he also knew that some things needed precision and care more than speed.

“So, what’s the issue then?” Sev wanted to know.

Fixer looked back at the console, and Scorch’s night vision kicked back in. “I don’t have any power on the console. The connection to the door seems to be severed, too, so I am fixing that. I first thought some sort of EMP has fried the systems, but this damage is more permanent, mechanical. The plan is to then use my deece’s power pack as an energy source long enough to disable the locking mechanism and to open the door. Before that, I have to sever the actual power lines, because if the power comes back on while my deece is connected, it might overcharge the power pack, causing it to explode.” 

Made sense. Didn't make Scorch feel any less useless at the moment, though.

“Wait – if the damage is permanent, how'd we get locked in? Hidden backup system? Someone outside waiting for us?” he asked.

Boss tilted his head. “If we knew this, we’d know a whole lot more about what’s going on here overall. Keep working, Four-Oh. Deltas, let’s use the spare time to recap on everything we do know. Maybe we can work out something useful that way. Oh-Seven, can you remind us of why we are here?”

While Scorch couldn’t see Sev’s face behind the visor, he knew his brothers well enough to know their facial expressions most of the time, even without seeing them. He could almost feel Sev’s ‘why me, Sarge’ face. 

After a short pause, Sev answered. “This Republican mining outpost was built about ten years before the war.” Ten years. Same as us, Scorch realised. “Purpose of the mining operation was to extract precious metals for droid components. After Geonosis, it was converted into a minor military outpost and bunker to keep the southern mountains of Xelosis under Republic control.” 

Scorch thought he heard a faint rumbling noise coming from the air vent. Probably only the metal expanding or shrinking with temperature changes. He ignored it, keeping his focus on Sev. 

“The outpost was staffed with two platoons, overkill, if you ask me,” Sev continued. He sounded somewhat bored, Scorch thought, no surprise given that they had already gone through all that in their briefing.

"Obviously, the seppies want droid components," Scorch said, playing along with the script, "but they've got better sources than this backwater rock."

Boss nodded. "Right. These metals mostly go into civilian droids – emotional simulation components. Not exactly battle droid priority." He paused. "Still, they might want to cut our supply lines. Carry on, Sev." Still nothing new, but it beat sitting here uselessly while Fixer worked. Besides, maybe they’d really notice something they had missed before. Unlikely, but possible.

“Yes, sir.” Another kshk from Sev’s vibroblade. “Four months ago, they finally realised this place isn’t worth those two full platoons. The post was abandoned. They thought the garrison stationed up in Nashcora was enough. Given how thinly spread our forces are by now, that made sense.”

Scorch sighed. “Anyway, while they moved all Republican forces, and most of the ordnance, too, they left some of the less essential and harder to move stuff. Like the tibanna gas used to power the mining lasers. Which is what stops me from making a nice, easy shortcut for us right now. Otherwise, I would get us out of here in no time.” He remorsefully patted the side of the gas tank he was leaning against. The lights flickered briefly on and off again. This wasn’t the first time this had happened since they’d been at the outpost, not even since they had entered the tibanna storage, yet everyone paused and looked up to the ceiling.

“Wasn’t me, sir!” Fixer said.

“Was afraid so,” Boss replied.

Scorch frowned and tapped the gas tank again. Nothing happened. He hadn’t thought that he had caused the flare-up of energy, but it had been worth a try.

“Nope, me neither,” he said.

“Acknowledged. Oh-Seven, carry on.”

“Two weeks ago, sensors registered unexpected activity in the facility. Command got worried that the Seps might try to establish a presence here, so they sent us in to check things out,” Sev concluded. And within less than two hours after arrival, we have gotten ourselves trapped in the tibanna storage, Scorch added in his mind. But he didn’t voice that. It would just have demoralised them further.

Sev switched from the vibroblade to cycling through his rifle's attachments. Click-whir. Click-whir. “Do you have to?” Fixer asked.

“Keeps me sane.”

“Good for you, but I’m trying to work and am fighting a headache. So if you want to get out of here, quit it,” Fixer shot back, decidedly uncharacteristically snappy.

“Fierfek,” Scorch muttered. “This is gonna be a long day.”

“Focus, Deltas.” Boss threw each of them a look. Scorch found it remarkable how his subconscious sometimes projected expressions and emotions onto helmets. He could swear that right now, Boss’s bucket looked like a frown. Well, admittedly, it did most of the time.

“Six-Two, recap of what we found here. Full status. I want to make sure we are not missing the obvious.” Boss was now looking directly at him. Another brief flare-up of the lights. Scorch ignored it.

He blinked. “Power was down when we arrived, and we still don’t know why. No life signs that point to the presence of sentients. Thanks to Fixer’s work on a terminal, we know that the power went off and on again several times in the last month, so somebody must have been here. Miraculously, it still does. Well, and when we were combing the place for something that might give us a hint whether the Seppies are behind this or not, we managed to get ourselves trapped in here. Well, not well. Pretty bad, actually.” He paused. “The doors waited until all four of us were inside clearing the room,” he said. "That's no coincidence. A random mechanism would've caught just Sev and me. The question is, who or what was watching us and used whatever system to trap us?”

“Not necessarily correct,” Fixer threw in, kneeling on the floor, his forearms entirely in the guts of the console now. “There might have been a delay after you two triggered something, giving Boss and me time to join you before the signal got through.” Scorch wished it hadn’t been that way. He didn’t mind having Boss and Fixer around. However, they would have been more useful on the other side of the door, looking for the central control, getting power back up and unlocking all doors.

“Hm,” Boss said. “Sev, take Fixer’s datapad and work through the data he extracted earlier. Maybe there is a pattern that tells us more.”

Fixer sat up, swaying for a second, and slid his datapad across. “Don't mess up my files.” Sev caught it one-handed and started scrolling. His rifle attachments finally went quiet. Under his helmet’s visor, Scorch smiled. Boss knew his squad, knew how to handle them. 

“So, Sarge, what do you think is going on here?” He asked. Boss paused. “I was thinking sabotage. Not necessarily aimed at us directly, but meant to make this place unusable to the Republic, if they decided to restart operations here. But this place has little strategic value. No, something isn’t right there.”

“My theory is that somebody is messing with us,” Scorch said. “Psychological warfare. Just enough messing with this place to lure us in. Prepped to trap us and wear us down, make us paranoid. And then, pick us up when we are rattled enough to be an easy target.”

“My theory,” Sev, still working on Fixer’s datapad, threw in, “is that we should work this out fast. Could be automated defences, delayed activation. The longer we wait, the worse it gets. We might be on a countdown without knowing it.”

Scorch grimaced. “If you are right and this place will blow up eventually, it is extra unfortunate that we are hanging out with the gas tanks, Sev.” He hated the thought of just sitting around and waiting for death. “But I don’t think that’s it, anyway. How about smugglers? They rigged this place to keep Republic forces occupied while they move cargo elsewhere? Classic distraction.”

“Or it’s a test. And the place was rigged by the GAR itself to see how we perform under pressure. Figuring out if we are the right fit for some super important, top-secret black-ops mission they are considering us for,” Sev offered.

Fixer sat up straight and killed his helmet's tactical spotlight this time before looking at them. “If you want my opinion… the data I looked at earlier suggests the main doors were used too rarely to explain the irregularities. Maybe people were here and left again. But something else must have gotten in and out, too, something small enough not to need a door. Small enough to fit the vents.” He paused, rubbing the side of his helmet. Scorch frowned. The air vents in this place were rather narrow, just about 30 cm in diameter. What was Fixer implying?

His brother carried on. “Might be small droids. But droids like logic. So far, I haven’t seen any logical pattern to the registered energy activations and door uses. It must be something else. I think it must be tookas.” 

Scorch stared at Fixer. How in the name of the manda would he arrive at the conclusion that at the root of the problem were tookas, out of all the things in the galaxy? Boss and Sev seemed just as baffled as Scorch felt. Sev almost dropped the datapad. 

“I think…,” Boss started, but Fixer interrupted him.

 “Tookas aren’t just cute like everybody supposes. They got those hidden claws and twitchy, pointy ears. And what’s with all the climbing? What do they need such superior balance for anyway? Tookas… tookas! It must be tookas!”

Scorch found himself still unable to do anything but stare at Fixer. That was a new one. Usually, Scorch knew his brother as logical and rooted in reality. This tooka-theory was the exact opposite of that. 

Boss and Sev didn’t seem to take Fixer’s outbreak any better than Scorch did. They, too, were still staring at Fixer. “What?” was all Boss managed to say. 

Fixer, apparently dissatisfied by their collective reaction, hesitated and added: “Or maybe Ewoks?” Scorch blinked. In his periphery, he registered Boss and Sev exchanging a look. 

“And here I thought I was this squad’s designated nut-job,” Sev mumbled. Scorch was still at a loss for words.

“Are you alright, Oh-Four?” Boss asked. “Because you don’t quite sound like yourself, brother.”

“I’m all good, sir. And I mean it. Tookas makes sense. I saw a couple of those buggers outside when we were on our way from the larty to this post. And they fit through the vents.”

Scorch worried that his theory about psychological warfare was true and working better than he’d ever imagined. Or, alternatively, that he was having an especially wacky nightmare. He pinched himself through the bodysuit in between two of his armour plates. Ouch. Nope, definitely not a dream. He decided to roll with the psychological warfare theory for now. As a countermeasure, he’d try to get the morale back up.

“Okay. Tookas. I hear you, Fixer, although I don’t quite see it. But does it really matter, anyway?” He took a deep breath and got up, walking over to Fixer. “I mean, what can’t we face if we’re together? We are a team. A squad. Not any squad. Delta Squad. The best squad the GAR has.” He made a point of looking at each of his brothers, one after another. “What could possibly be in this place that we can’t weather? Separatists? We’ve been there, alright, plenty of times.” He shrugged. “The same old tricks – why should we care?”

Boss seemed to realise what Scorch was trying to do and nodded. “Scorch is right, gentlemen. What can’t we do if we put our minds to it?”

“Yeah,” Sev agreed. “We’ll work through it eventually. We have to try. Either we work it out, or we die. Turn into tooka-fodder, if Fixer is right against all odds,” he huffed.

Scorch snorted. “So far, the not-dying part worked out fine for us,” he pointed out. “We’re a squad. A team. The best of the best. Whatever this is about, we can do this. As long as we’re together, there is nothing in this place that we can’t face.” Boss and Sev nodded in unison.

“Except for tookas...” Fixer mumbled at the console.

“Oh, Fixer,” Scorch sighed.

“Quit it with the tooka nonsense and get us out of here, Fixer,” Boss said.

“Copy that, sarge. Almost there.” 

Scorch was standing next to Fixer now, who himself was kneeling next to the console on the floor. He was about to go back to the crate he had been using as a chair when he noticed something. A very quiet hissing noise. He frowned and held up one hand. “Quiet, everyone.”

His brothers looked at him while he amplified his helmet’s ambient audio output and also switched through different modes of his HUD. Sev and Boss had both readied their blasters. Then, Scorch spotted it. In the infrared mode of his visor, he could see a tiny stream of gas leaking from the bottom of the tank closest to him and Fixer. “Gas leak! Switch to internal air-circulation! Shut down all non-crucial electronics.” The light from Fixer’s helmet lamp vanished, and Scorch heard his brothers power down their weapons, just as he did.

“Fierfek,” Sev said. “That explains the tooka-thing, ner vode.”

It did. Fixer hadn’t only been the closest to the leaking tank but also the only one sitting on the floor and not on a crate. Tibanna was heavy. It collected close to the floor first. And while their helmets had filter systems, they only worked properly if there was enough oxygen around to get in. Usually, their systems would warn them and advice them to switch to internal air circulation if the oxygen level was too low, but the way Scorch knew Fixer, he probably had shut down all systems that didn’t directly relate to his console repair, trying to streamline the load of input to what he was trying to focus on. Fixer’s brain had simply run out of the amount of oxygen it needed to work properly, Scorch concluded. Boss was already on his way, moving over to them.

“Scorch, you take care of that leak. I will check on Fixer. Sev, since we can’t use our blasters, keep your blade ready, just in case.”

“With pleasure, sir,” Sev replied and ejected his blade again.

Scorch was already on his way to the leaking tank. He knew that he had to work fast. Their internal air systems would work for about 20 minutes without any new oxygen supply, and even less for Fixer, who already had too little oxygen in his system now. 

His mind was racing. If the tank had been leaking since the GAR had left, it would have been empty long ago. The leak must have started recently. Very recently. Maybe even while they had already been in here. But how? It was too much of a coincidence for his taste. 

He knelt down next to the tank, running his glove sensor over the leak, measuring the amount of gas leaving the tank per second. He got some heavy-duty iso-tape from his belt and glued the tiny hole shut. It was the best he could do for now.

“Asking for permission to run a full diagnostic on the tank, Sarge,” he said. It was risky. The circuits of his datapad might ignite the gas if they were unlucky. He felt his heart pound inside his armour. This wasn’t how he wanted to go out.

“Granted,” Boss, who had led Fixer to a crate as far away from the gas leak as possible, replied.

“Okay, here goes nothing,” Scorch said, climbing on the nearest crate, holding up his datapad as far as possible, trying to minimise the risk by getting it as far away from the gas puddle on the floor as possible.

A minute later, he had the results. “Fierfek.” He swallowed. “I got good news and bad news, Deltas.”

“Get to the point, Scorch.”

“Sorry, sir. So, the good news is, the leak is quite fresh. Not that much tibanna left the tank. That means less risk of us ending up in a fireball. Yay for that. However,” he stepped down from the crate, “it started very recently. While we were in here. About eight minutes ago.”

His brothers didn’t react right away, but Scorch knew they all understood the implication.

“Well, shab,” Sev said, finally.

Boss got up. “Scorch, Sev, work out what started the leak. I am going to see what I can do at the console to get us out of here without blowing us up. Fixer, get some rest and try to recover.”

“Roger that, sir,” Scorch heard Fixer say while he himself had already turned back to the tank. Sev joined him as he knelt down again.

The night vision filter was a useful tool, but Scorch wished he could use his tactical spotlight instead. Right now, the world was black-and-white and in grainy low contrast. He watched Sev run his hand over the floor underneath the tank and then study the little dust specks that had stuck to his fingers. “They could use better cleaning here, eh?” Scorch asked.

“There hasn’t been any maintenance in a few months, but still relatively clean. The platoons who were stationed here seem to have taken their jobs seriously,” Sev replied.

Scorch nodded while his eyes studied the floor, following a systematic grid pattern, hoping to find at least the trace of a lead.

Sev nudged his shoulder. “Did you have to correct your iso-tape?”

“No, why?”

Sev pointed at the fixed leak. “Traces of glue residue matching a strip of iso-tape in shape. Partly covered by yours.”

Fierfek. Sev was right. Scorch swallowed. “But still visible, if you look close enough,” he admitted. How did he not spot that earlier? His eyes automatically dropped to where any falling piece of tape would have landed, but there was nothing. “Okay, but where has it gone? It can’t just vanish. Maybe it’s an older glue mark?”

“I don’t like this place,” Sev simply said.

Scorch dropped flat onto his belly, squinting while continuing to study the floor. There was something right in the back, almost next to the wall. He had thought it might be a dust bunny earlier, but it was worth a closer look. Unfortunately, it was out of reach. 

He paused, then he decided to shove his deece under the tank, trying to use it as an arm extension. He could only hope he’d get neither his weapon nor his arm got stuck. It took him a good minute until he managed to move the little something close enough to be grabbed. He pulled it out. It was a piece of iso-tape, alright. He blinked and handed it to Sev, who held it up to the tank. “Match.”

“Fierfek.”

“Either it has been back there for a while or something very weird is hap-” Sev paused mid-sentence. He raised his hand closer to his visor. Scorch leaned in, anxious to see what had caught Sev’s attention. “Well, would you look at that. An almost invisible plastoid fibre.”

Scorch saw it now, too. The fibre was attached to the sticky side, and was thin, but long. Very long. “And it seems to lead… somewhere?” He said, trying to trace it with his eyes. He couldn’t see far, but it seemed to lead toward the wall.

“Boss? Hate to interrupt, but I think you should see this,” he heard Sev say.

After Boss had taken a look and gone back to the door console, Sev and Scorch tried to figure out where the fibre was going. Scorch kept carefully tugging on it, while Sev, in different positions in the room, tried to see if he could spot even a trace of movement in his HUD. And finally, he did. He pointed at the air vent, high up on the wall. “There.”

Oh great, Scorch thought. A mysterious drawstring leading to a narrow air vent, causing a tibanna leak that might have gotten us killed. Might still do so. Just what I needed.

They reported their find to Boss again, and before long, Scorch found himself on Sev’s shoulders, staring down the air vent. “Can’t see anything.”

“Pull the string.”

“You sure that’s a good idea, Sev?”

“Just do it. Maybe there’s something attached to the other end. And if not, we can’t really follow it anyway.”

 “We could send in a probe.”

“...which might blow up the tibanna.”

“Yeah. Right. Shab.”

“Now pull it, or do you want me to do it? Then we at least know how far, roughly, it goes. How close the enemy is.”

“Okay, okay. Here goes nothing.” Scorch carefully started pulling on the fibre. The more of it came out of the vent, the bigger the coil around his fingers grew. Finally, the fibre ended. He inspected the end. It seemed torn.

“You done yet? You’re getting heavy, ner vod.”

“Yeah. Let me down.” Scorch started climbing off Sev’s shoulders. “I guess I got around 50 to 60 meters out of there, but it might have been longer, judging by the end. Isn’t a clean cut, I think. Too frayed.”

“Sabotage. Told you,” Boss said. He gestured to Fixer. “Oh-Seven, Four-Oh, get over there and make sure our brother is alright. Help him take cover. I am gonna try to open the door.” 

“Yes, sir!”

There was not much cover to take in a room full of tibanna tanks. If there were an explosion, the chain reaction following it would obliterate the entire room. But at least pretending to take cover gave Scorch the illusion of at least some control over their situation. Nevertheless, he felt the adrenaline pumping through his body as he pulled a conscious but groggy Fixer behind some crates, which Sev had pulled into the corner farthest from the door. 

Boss climbed on a crate next to the console, held Fixer's deece as high up - and thus as far away from the leaked out gas - as possible. Scorch braced. He could feel how tense Sev was next to him. Fixer, leaning against his shoulder, chuckled, which made Scorch feel even more uneasy. Boss powered up the blaster, then, using his own deece as a tool for additional reach, flipped a switch on the console. 

For a second, nothing happened. Then, with a hiss, the door slid open. 

“Wahoo!” Scorch cheered, while Fixer's eerie chuckling intensified. 

“I did tell you using the power pack would work, right?”

Scorch patted Fixer's shoulder. “You sure did, ner vod.”

Chapter 2

Once they were all out of the door, they quickly sealed it behind them, confining the tibanna. They switched their helmets back to filter mode and powered up their blasters again. Fixer claimed to already feel a lot better, albeit still dizzy.

“Alright,” Boss said. “Let's find out what's going on here and hunt the hut'uune who did this down.”

“With pleasure,” Sev said. The lights flickered on and off. Scorch flinched and hoped his squad mates didn't notice. 

“We'll split up. Sev, Scorch, you two take a look at the southern part of the complex. Priority is getting power back up, so nobody gets trapped again. Fixer and I are going to inspect the northern wing. I hope to find something worthwhile in the former barracks. Whoever rigged this place might have left something behind that gives us a clue, even if they are not here anymore.”

“Gotcha,” Scorch said. “Let’s hunt your ‘tookas’, Fixer. Oya!”

Fixer made an annoyed noise. “You won’t let me forget that in a while, will you?”

“I won't, indeed!” 

“Quit the chatter and move your shebse,” Boss said, clearly annoyed. 

Sev and Scorch started moving, night vision filters on. With a quick blink, Scorch switched to Sev’s and his private comm channel. “You think Fixer is gonna be alright?” He moved to the rear position, knowing Sev preferred to be the point man.

“We’ve been through worse.”

“Yeah. But that tooka thing - creepy. Very unlike him, you know? Makes you think.”

“Huh.”

They heard a clank in the vents again, stopped dead in their track, and raised their deeces simultaneously. They waited for a few seconds, but apart from another supposedly random light flicker, nothing happened, nor did the noise repeat.

“Should we send a probe after whatever that was?” Scorch asked.

“No. Whatever it was, it is probably gone by now,” Sev said. “Next time, we act faster.”

“Roger that, ner vod.”

Continuing down the corridor, they checked every room they passed. With a functional control panel next to the doors, opposed to a separate and damaged console, it was easy to get them open, even with no power. Because of what had happened earlier, they made sure to block the doors from fully shutting again by placing objects in their way. 

“Found anything worthwhile yet?” Boss’ voice came in via comm after a while.

“Negative,” Sev replied. “There was some more movement in the vents earlier, though. Whatever is using them is still around.”

“Probably some droid. Throw in an EMP next time.”

“Will do,” Scorch said. “How’s Fixer doing?”

“Better. Still a bit shaken though.”

“I am well enough to do my part,” Fixer chimed in. 

Scorch laughed. “As long as you don’t think anymore that we are hunting for evil killer tookas that is good enough for me.”

He heard Fixer huff and Sev snort. 

“Alright. Carry on, vode. Check in in ten minutes, or if you find anything noteworthy,” Boss ordered.

“Copy that.”

“Take care.”

Sev and Scorch continued advancing. They got closer to where the schematics told them the main control room was. Sev held up his hand, and Scorch stopped.

“My HUD shows several heat signatures behind that door. Too small for humanoids,” Sev said.

“Should we get the others over here or…?”

“No. Nothing we can’t handle. I slice the door, you chuck in a flashbang.”

“See, now we are talking.” Under his helmet, Scorch grinned. He walked over to the door and pressed himself to the wall next to it, while Sev removed the control panel’s casing. “Ready when you are.”

Sev readied his blade. “On my mark. Three, Two, go go go!” Sev shoved his blade into the electronics, causing the door to open, and in the same second Scorch spun away from the wall and into the door frame, throwing his flashbang into the room. Despite the visor’s flash protection kicking in, he closed his eyes for good measure before the blinding light flooded his helmet. When he opened them again, he already had his deece at the ready, as did Sev, now standing next to him. 

Then, he stared. It was all he could do. In the control room, between the consoles expected for such a room, half a dozen tookas, disoriented by the flash of Scorch’s grenade, were staggering around. 

Tookas. 

Scorch blinked, and his medical status flared up on his HUD. No, the oxygen levels in his blood were alright. He was not hallucinating, or at least not because of a lack of oxygen. The fact that Sev was not already shooting told Scorch that his brother had to be as startled as he was. Still, he asked: “Are you seeing what I am seeing?”

“If you mean Fixer’s hallucinations come to life, then yes, I am.”

“Shab.”

“Shab indeed.”

One of the tookas, coming back to its senses, jumped onto one of the consoles, hitting the buttons with its paws as it did. The lights flicked on, then off again, as the animal moved. Scorch realised that small devices, cameras by the looks of it, were strapped to the little beasts.

“Shab,” Scorch repeated, and opened a comm channel to Boss. “Uh, Boss? You are never going to believe what we just found in the control room. And I swear, we are not making this up.”

“A bunch of tookas decked out with surveillance equipment?”

Scorch blinked. There was no way in the galaxy that his sarge had just guessed that. “How?” 

“Be on your best behaviour,” he heard Fixer say. “We can see you. Just found a makeshift surveillance room in the barracks. Holo screens, but also long-distance transmission gear.”

“So, whoever let their pets loose is not here?” Sev asked.

“Looks like it,” Boss said. “Fixer is going to try to locate to where they are transmitting, and see if he can get anything else worthwhile out of these systems.” 

“Hey, Fixer. Sorry for taking the piss out of you earlier.” It was ridiculous that Fixer had been right, but still, Scorch felt bad now for making fun of him.

“You couldn’t have known. I couldn’t have, honestly. Strange coincidence.”

“Maybe you got the Force, vod’ika,” Scorch joked.

“Ha. No.”

Next to Scorch, Sev made an annoyed noise. “Boss? Permission to shoot the enemy?”

Scorch frowned. “Enemy? That’s no enemy. It’s tookas! Animals!”

“They still could be boobytrapped.”

“You usually don’t disarm bombs by shooting at them.”

“Scorch is right, Sev. Negative. Don’t shoot them. Make sure the room is clear. Get the cams off them and destroy those. Bring the power back on. Then, catch them and bring them outside. They didn’t choose this. They should get a chance to live,” Boss said.

Not much unlike us, Scorch thought. “Roger that, sir,” he said. Sev, next to him, made a displeased noise. 

“And then?” He asked.

“Depends on what intel we get out of here,” Boss said. “Or how fast.”

“Already on it,” Scorch heard Fixer say. 

One of the tookas, an orange-furred one,  tried to escape through the door, but Scorch swooped it up with a quick motion. The animal fiercely tried to escape his grasp, and Scorch struggled to hold both the tooka and his blaster. 

The next quarter of an hour, Scorch and Sev spent first clearing the room - they didn’t find any traps - and then went about chasing the tookas. It had turned out that it was harder to get hold of the unwilling animals than Scorch would have ever thought. 

He had to admit that it was funny to see Sev, arms held out, lunging at tookas, but while he found humour in it, he was too worried about what was going on. They were still potentially being watched by the enemy, an enemy who used such unusual means that he had no idea what to expect next. 

At least, he was fairly certain that whoever was behind this fever dream of a trap could not just blow them up, or else they had done so already. And they had managed to get the power back on, which was at least something. 

Scorch was glad he was wearing armour, because the tookas weren’t hesitant to use their claws and teeth. And whenever they caught one, another one escaped.

 “I’m not getting paid well enough for this,” Scorch said.

“You’re not getting paid at all, ner vod,” Sev said through clenched teeth, trying to get the holocam off the animal he was wrangling.

They were making progress, even if it was slow. One by one, they caught the tookas and stripped them of their gear. A seventh tooka had joined them through the vents, too, and Boss informed them that that should be all of them now. 

"Got you, you little…" Scorch grunted as he finally managed to corner the newcomer, a small grey one that seemed particularly adept at dodging their attempts. As he carefully removed the surveillance camera from its back, something caught his eye.

“Sev, hold up a second,” he said, gently turning the animal to get a better look. “Well, I'll be damned.”

“What now?” Sev asked, pausing in his own tooka-handling efforts.

Scorch held up the grey tooka's hind paw. The animal meowed heartbreakingly. Wrapped around its leg, almost invisible against the fur, was a familiar-looking plastoid fibre. “Look at this little guy's paw.”

Sev moved closer, squinting through his visor. “Is that...?”

“The other end of our mystery string,” Scorch confirmed, carefully unwinding the fibre from around the paw. The animal meowed in protest but didn't struggle much. It seemed to understand Scorch was trying to help. 

“Poor thing's been dragging this around the whole time.” With a couple of quick blinks, he started transmitting his POV. “Boss, I think you might wanna see this.”

“What am I looking at?”

“A thread similar to the one we found in the tibanna room.”

“Similar or the same?”

“Well, I don’t know. Give me a moment. Sev, be a darling and hold that for me,” he said and pressed the animal into his brother’s arms. He got out the fibre he had pulled from the vents earlier and held the ends of both threads to each other. “Looks like a match to me, sir.”

“So that is how they pulled off that tape strip and caused the leak.”

Sev shook his head. “Doesn’t make any sense. The tooka can’t have sat around in the vent for what… weeks? Just to move at the right moment. Would be long dead.”

“Not if our mysterious puppet masters somehow managed to prevent it from getting caught in the loop at the end of the fibre before we were exactly where they wanted us to be. I just wonder how,” Boss said. “I see two of the tooka-cams are still up and going. Continue your work, Deltas.”

The last couple of tookas were surprisingly fast and feisty. Sev suggested using stun blasts, but being configured for much bigger and heavier opponents, those would likely have killed the animals, to which Scorch objected. Still, Scorch and Sev were getting tired of running around in circles trying to herd a bunch of small, furry spies. 

Scorch looked over to Sev, who, with one arm, was pressing two cam-less tookas trying to defend their sibling against his chest plate. They fought as if their lives depended on it, which they likely believed. With the other hand, he tried to get hold of one of the two animals still wearing a cam. 

”Next time, Fixer should hallucinate that something easier to catch is stalking us. Or something we may shoot,” he hissed.

“Well, tell Fixer that. I am sure he’ll gladly be of service,” Scorch joked.

“Hey. I heard that!” Fixer said over comm. “Anyway, I've got news for you. I found out how they control these animals.”

“How?”

“Carrot and stick.”

“Great, I’ve got neither on me,” Scorch said. “Do ration cubes and blasters count?”

“Figuratively, not literally, di’kut. Let me show you.”

Suddenly, all the tookas ran to the furthest corner of the control room, clearly distressed. “For the stick part, they used speakers emitting ultra-high frequencies, inaudible for most humanoids, but probably unpleasant for tookas,” Fixer said. Indeed, Scorch couldn’t hear the noise that seemed to bother them.

“And the ‘carrots’?” Sev wanted to know.

“Food. Treats. There seem to be feeding machines hidden in different spots of the area, mostly in the vents. They are programmed to dispense pet food if passed by in certain intervals, or if certain tasks are concluded.” 

“We could really use some of these treats right now, brother.”

“There should be one of the dispensers hidden behind the main console. Try swiping one of the animals against the wall.”

Scorch watched as Sev grabbed a tooka and, under heavy protests,  rubbed it against the wall. Fixer must have deactivated the sound emitters, because the tookas started running around again. 

At first, nothing happened, then, through what Scorch had believed to be openings to insert data wafers into, a handful of tooka treats fell out. He hurried over to catch them, barely beating the animals shooting for the treats to it. The one Sev was rubbing against the wall hissed. “Keep going,” Scorch said.

“This is ridiculous,” Sev muttered, but he kept rubbing the increasingly agitated animal against the wall panel. More treats scattered across the floor, and all the tookas immediately pounced on them enthusiastically. 

”Whatever works, ner vod.” Scorch scooped up the distracted animals one by one. With their attention focused on the food, this became significantly easier. He already got five of them. 

“Whoever set this up is either a genius or completely insane,” Sev said.

Scorch, arms now full of tookas, shrugged. “Maybe both.”

“Deltas, status?” Boss’s voice came in over comm. 

“All cameras disabled. Trying to get a hold of the animals right now.”

“Good. Fixer figured out whereto the data has been transmitted. A small farm close to Nashcora. Looks like a separatist cell that did some prospecting around the area. Guess what these guys seem to have found under this facility.”

“A pet store?” Scorch offered. He could hear Boss chuckle, and tried to stop Sev from shoving another tooka into his already overloaded arms. 

“Not quite. A cortosis vein.”

Sev whistled through his teeth. “That explains why they were interested in this force-forsaken place. But why the tookas?”

“My best guess is that they were lacking resources and had to get creative, especially since the planet is under Republic control,” Boss said.  “Anyway, our work here is done. Fixer got all the intel he could get. You two grab the tookas and move to the exit asap. We’ll rendezvous there. I’ve contacted the garrison at Nashcora. They will raid the separatist hideout, and also send a larty to pick us up.”

“So they get to have fun while we have to play animal handlers? Great.” Sev didn’t sound happy. 

“Hey, I am holding six tookas right now, and you only have one. So stop complaining!” 

“Just keeping my hands free to use my deece to cover your shebs, if needed, ner vod.”

“Be careful what you say, or we will find out how well my aim at tooka throwing is.”

“Quit it, boys, and get moving before the real animal handlers decide to pay us a visit. Or before I have to come over and have to make you,” Boss put an end to their quarrelling. 

Several hours later, Delta Squad was sitting in their quarters on the Venator. Fixer, fully recovered by now, was still going through the data he had extracted planetside, Sev was taking apart and cleaning his blaster. Scorch, sitting on a crate, was watching the two, while Boss, still in his armour, seemed to listen to comm chatter. 

Finally, he took off his helmet.

“The 407th got hold of 14 separatists at the farm. Five killed, nine captured. Seems to have been the entire cell.”

“Nice! Did they talk?”

“Not much yet. But what they did say seems to confirm our suspicions. They found cortosis under the facility on a scan, checked the place out and realised their activity might have been noticed by GAR forces. They decided to retreat and turn the place into a trap, but due to a lack of resources, they had to get creative.” He paused. “The plan seems to have been to lure us into the tibanna storage, lock us in and have us almost suffocate. Then capture us and use us as leverage.” 

Scorch frowned. “To achieve what? Nobody is gonna exchange the lives of four soldiers, commandos or not, for the control over a section of a planet, or even the whole one.”

“No idea. They probably didn’t think it through, Scorch,” Boss shrugged.

“Not our problem anymore,” Sev pointed out. “The 408th can deal with it. Or whoever High Command decides to throw at this. I’m just happy if I don’t have to see a tooka ever again.”

“Yeah. Who wouldn’t?” Scorch agreed, hoping his face wasn’t betraying him as he shifted, reaching out with his hand, and carefully pushing down a pair of pointy, grey ears peaking out behind his crate. “Who wouldn’t…”

Thank you, @orangez3st, for the dividers!

[oldschoolfic-ds9]

The Very Model of a Loyal Vorta Ambassador

by Sparky the Vorta, 1999

Filk to the tune of The Very Model of a Modern Major General, from "The Pirates of Penzance."

Words: 506, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Rating: G

Warnings: none listed

Characters: Weyoun

Relationships: none listed

Reader suggested tags (what are these?): filk, parody

links (link broken? report it and try the archive.org alternative):

archive.org - option 1

[lesmisshippingshowdown]

Poll Stealing: How it works

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT POLL STEALING SUBMISSIONS CLOSE *AFTER* POLLS HAVE EXPIRED - PLEASE CHECK OUR PINNED POST FOR THE PRECISE DEADLINE FOR THE CURRENT ROUND!

(concept and rules inspired by/shamelessly lifted from @hbowartournament - if you're in that fandom go and show their polls some love and maybe commit some theft over there too!)

For all steal works regardless of type, please ensure that you follow these submission guidelines:

Make a new post here on Tumblr including either your fanwork or a link to your work on the relevant platform (AO3, Spotify, etc.) and tag it #lmss steal

@ mention this blog (lesmisshippingshowdown) in your caption.

Send us an ask or submission (we are not able to open DMs on this blog unfortunately - blame Tumblr!) with a link to your post. If using asks, please be sure to break up the hyperlink to reduce the chance of Tumblr eating the post.

Now on to specific scoring guidelines for different fanwork categories:

Writers:

Post a fic (or new chapter) of at least 100 words to AO3. The pairing of your choice must be the primary relationship tag (and remember this poll is for romantic relationships only)

Link your fic here, tag it #lmss steal, and send us a link to the post. If your piece is part of a larger, previously established fic, please include in your message the word count of the new chapter.

Earn 0.1% for every 100 words, rounded to the nearest hundred

Artists:

Post your fanart to tumblr, tag it #lmss steal, and send us a link.

Earn 0.1% for a sketch, 0.3% for linework, and 0.5% for a full colour piece*

*(full colour is an ambiguous term, but the intent is to look at the extra amount of work and time that goes into colouring a completed piece vs. just putting forward a sketch or b&w linework. a sketch that happens to use colour pencils or a linework with a colour filter overlaid will be judged in the lower category)

Fanvid Editors:

Post your video to tumblr, tag it #lmss steal, and send us a link.

Earn 0.3% per 10 seconds for an AMV/fanvid using existing footage, and 0.5% per 10 seconds for an animatic.

Photo/Gifset Editors:

Post your photoset/gifset to tumblr, tag it #lmss steal, and send us a link.

Earn 0.1% per edited photo and 0.5% per gif/collage.

Playlist Curators:

Post your fanmix - consisting of at least 8 tracks (iykyk) - to Spotify (please create a YouTube mirror playlist if you do not have a Spotify account).

Link your playlist here, tag it #lmss steal, and send us a link to the post.

Earn 0.1% per 8 songs on the playlist, rounded to the nearest 8

Earn 0.1% per 200 words of liner notes (not including song titles or extended lyric quotations)

If you create your own cover art, the points for the relevant visual medium (art or photo editing) apply.

Songwriters/Composers

0.1% per 10 seconds for original music/arrangement with 1-2 instruments (e.g. a piano solo, a pop song where you accompany yourself on guitar, a work for violin & piano accompaniment)

0.3% per 10 seconds for original music/arrangement for chamber ensemble/small band of 3-8 parts (e.g. a string quartet, an SATB choral work, a song performed by you and the rest of the 4 piece rock band you’re in)

0.5% per 10 seconds of original music/arrangement for a large ensemble of 9+ parts (e.g. a work for orchestra or marching band)

0.1% per 100 words of lyrics (entirely original or parody)

0.1% per 200 words of liner notes/analysis

For cover songs, a flat 0.1% per 30 seconds, unless you have provided a significantly new arrangement or orchestration.

Cosplayers/Actors

For modern AU/closet cosplays: 0.1% per still photo, or 0.1% per 30 seconds of video where you are acting/performing in character.

For historical cosplays: a base score of 0.3%, plus an additional 0.1% per still photo, or 0.1% per 30 seconds of video where you are acting/performing in character.

Arts & Crafts (Fibre Arts, Physical Collages, etc.)

Please upload at least one photograph of your completed craft item, and at least one unaltered photograph clearly showing the measurements of your work using a real life reference such as a tape measure or a ruler.

Please also list all materials used in your work (just broad categories is fine - e.g. if you make a friendship bracelet you can just say "string and beads", we don't need to know about every colour and category of bead you used!)

Base rate of 0.1% for works under 10x10cm and 0.3% for works over 10x10cm.

Earn an additional 0.1% per material category (thread, beads, glitter, photo cutouts, etc) - this includes base materials like cardboard, canvas, etc. but does not include adhesives such as tape or glue unless you are using e.g. washi tape or glitter glue in a way that significantly impacts the overall aesthetic appearance of your work. This will be decided at mods' discretion.

Please note that the size only applies to the surface area of what you actually did - so e.g. if you send a picture of a massive embroidery hoop but only a 5x5cm area is covered in embroidery we will only grant you the 0.1% base rate.

Compilations of the above (zines, comics, etc)

Judged by combining individual components - e.g. if you make a zine that includes 3 full colour art pieces (0.5 x 3), a 300 word ficlet (0.3), and a digital collage (0.5), you'll earn a total of 2.3 points.

Comics are judged by panel, though at moderators' discretion excessively similar panels (e.g. the same artwork with different speech bubbles) or very simplistic panels (e.g. a blank colour background that says THREE DAYS LATER) may be awarded a lower score than more complex panels, or discounted entirely.

If you're struck by creative urges not listed above, just drop us an ask and we can figure out what category it falls into and/or approximate percentage conversion rates if it's something totally new.

Please note that you cannot resubmit a fanwork you have already used as a steal work in a previous round, and steal points will not be carried over between rounds of the tournament!

Finally, please be aware that at the moderators' discretion we can and will discount any fanworks that seem particularly low effort or designed to game the system to earn more points. Works created using generative AI will be immediately disqualified, no arguments.

The goal of poll stealing is not to just Get Points By Any Means Necessary - it's intended to be an opportunity for you to show real world applications of your love for a given ship. Have fun with it, and a little bit of gamesmanship is all well and good, but let's try to remember the reason for the season!

[leanuponmybar]

The Trains and the Minecraft Movie

The Minecraft Fans of the Yard:

Control - Duh. This is absolutely obvious. This is an autistic child who makes their toy trains race and kiss. Of course they're a minecraft kid. They have a bunch of merch in their room, along with the trains, and watches a lot of minecraft youtubers.

Rusty - This little bean really appreciates the creative elements of it, especially the artsyle of the game. It reminds him of steam trains like him. He and the coaches just kinda vibe in the game. It's nice and wholesome.

Joule is the queen of Minecraft memes. She listens to parody songs. Ever since the movie's release, her diet has only consisted of the Minecraft meal from McDonald's. Everyone, especially Wrench, is highly nervous for her health and safety. After seeing the movie, the memes, "chicken jokey", "lava chicken", "lets Minecraft", have become new vocal stims for her.

Both Greaseballs (Girl!Ball and Elvis!Ball) - I just think the mental image of any Greaseball being a Minecraft bitch is funny. In the game, the various creatures that attack at night are used to get some energy out. A funny mental image for me is the brother and sister using Minecraft as bonding time. They bring the other engines into it to play a bunch of minigames together.

Just in It for the Lols:

Pearl, Dinah, Buffy, and Ashley - They play the game sometimes, aka when rusty puts them into it. Pearl and DInah plays it like a stardew valley/animal crossing type game. She builds a house and gets a bunch of animal companions. Buffy and Ashley do that same thing + builds cursed shit.

Flat Top plays Minecraft steve in Smash

This is all I can think of rn. if anyone has any additions, feel free to add them in the comments/tags

[otomes-world]

Interviewing witnesses

In the end, I'm still not sure about the outcome, but I don't want to delete or keep this post in drafts. If the characters don't look like themselves, I apologize. I haven't written dialogue for a long time. Just let me know and I'll add the OOC tag Prologue

Chasing two birds is not your style. Of course, you could have limited yourself to general information, briefly write about everything that was happening. However, your internal professionalism and the desire to do everything right, since you had already get half of payment, did their job. You decided to focus on one rumor and process it as well as you could. After all, the client did not specify what exactly and about whom they wanted to know.

Voluntarily getting involved in matters concerning royal families was like trying on the role of a beast tamer. The same one who stuck head into the open mouth of a lion or a tiger. In this case, a lion or a dragon. Not a very attractive prospect.

So you took the path that promised all the juiciest details, regardless of where the investigation led you. Whose rumor sounded the most interesting of all? Of course, about the head of Octavinelle, a young student from a decent family, consistently ranking high in grades and owning a thriving business on the college campus.

Whose deputy and his twin brother did different jobs.

The Coral Sea had long attracted with its mystery, a culture completely different from others. To contribute and become the discoverer of its secrets sounded too attractive to refuse.

Following the target directly was the last and most reckless thing to do. Of course, this way you could collect more reliable information from the first person, but the risks also increased many times over. There was no point in burning extra candles.

In addition, no one was stopping you from changing direction in case of failure and trying to find out about another rumor. For example, Ashengrotto himself. The secret that lay behind the promise to fulfill any desires was a sure-fire lottery ticket for any journalist. It's a pity that you didn't have your own publishing house. How exactly the customer was going to dispose of the received material was entirely their right. Your work ended exactly at the moment of handing over the treasured envelope.

The investigation began surprisingly standardly. Classic phrases thrown here and there to get a random student to talk didn't give you anything you hadn't heard.

A model student

Polite with teachers and others

Always with a friendly smile on face

However, keeping in mind the ingrained phrase 'the quietest ones turn out to be maniacs', you refused to give in. There was definitely more to this than met the eye. Of course, it was too early to talk about criminal inclinations, but there was a grain of truth in every rumor. To single it out from a ton of lies was the true reward.

"Huh? Leech?" Ace, whom you decided to pester during your joint punishment, reacted very characteristically. "If twins deliver what is left of you to Riddle, I will not grieve. What were you thinking-.. No, you weren't thinking at all"

"You sounds like I'm about to get into something dangerous," casually waving your brush so that excess paint flew to the sides, you gave Trappola an eloquent look.

"Don't do that here, I'm just curious," the boy parodied your voice, deliberately batting his eyelashes. "Save that crap for the head. The very last time you asked about Kingscholar-senpai, you returned to Heartslabyul flying by having received a kick in the ass"

Another swing, this time more directed, made Ace jump back, dodging the flying drops.

"Said the one who walked around the college with an anemone on his head."

"That's in the past--!"

"So what happened?"

The first year let out a sigh full of irritation, putting his hands on his hips and looking at you as if you were the embodiment of the word "problem". He could make any face he wanted if it meant he would open his mouth and tell you the details.

"There were so many students involved in this situation, but no one talked about it. Yuu is silent as well. What's the reason?" Each question was accompanied by a step forward, forcing Ace to take one step back. "Was it the principal's decision? Or is the content so embarrassing that you and Deuce agreed to never talk about it again?"

"How this--" Trappola tripped over a stone and fell with a loud thud. You tried your best to suppress a caustic grin, continuing to act like an eccentric student. "Ugh! If you're so interested, go pester Leech yourself. I refuse to participate in this, no-no-no. Get up and go find trouble yourself."

Blowing a strand of hair that fell into your eyes, you straightened up, looking at the almost painted roses. So the role of a exentric student didn't work. Well, it wasn't a great loss. You just need to choose a different type. One that won't arouse suspicion and won't contradict the current one.

Throwing the brush into the bucket of paint, you walked steadily to change, ignoring Ace's indignant cries.

Jade Leech's image was a perfect cover for your next step in gathering more personal information. Of course, who could blame you for "suddenly realizing you're in love"? Many people. Especially the trio of first years, looking at you as if you've finally lost your mind. As if Riddle's punishments had knocked out the last functioning brain cells from your head.

Now the other students, looking at you added new labels "Idiot in Love" and "Love is Really Blind". Even though at first you wanted to quietly and peacefully collect material and disappear, a new wave of rumors about you untied your hands. Reputation was a small price to pay for freedom of action.

To be honest, you didn't doubt for a second that Leech knew about everything. As an experienced detective, you noticed things that others usually turned a blind eye to. How his polite smile never left his face, but his eyes narrowed into knowing slits, forcing you to re-check the mask on your face. Perhaps he was amused by your performance, or perhaps he simply did not consider you worthy of attention. A hindrance that could exist exactly until it began to interfere into his deals.

However, as long as he did not come personally, you could let him think whatever he wanted.

"Who else," you allowed a smile to bloom on your face. "You probably know about my… feelings. How embarrassing," you continued to play the student in love, touching your cheeks with your hands and looking away. "I want to prepare a gift for your vice-leader. Could you answer me a few questions? If you don't mind, of course!"

"I'm sorry, please wait!" You were pursuing another goal. This time it was Octavinelle A student. He looked like an easy target and was unlikely to blab too much.

"Y-yes?" The boy looked around nervously, but fortunately stopped. "Are you talking to me?"

"Me? Y-you mean me?" The boy glanced down the empty corridor once more, and then his eyes widened in fear. "S-sorry, I'll go!"

You let the mask fall from your face for a moment, watching the student run away, as if he was afraid for his life. Feeling movement behind you, you turned around abruptly. There stood Jade himself with a grin. He smiled like that only when talking to Azul or Floyd, planning something what you were trying so hard to find out.

"Good afternoon," you tried to smooth over the previous reaction. "Can I help you with something?"

"Aren't you the one who needs my help, Name-san?" The tone of his voice was soft and calm, but the sparkle in his eyes gave away something completely different. "You wanted to talk about me or should I say about us. Please, correct me if I'm wrong."

"Oh, but you're absolutely right!" It was too late to retreat, if you had to play the role, then until the very end. "Speaking so directly is beyond my strength, forgive me for having such a weak heart. I swear, I was planning anything bad! Really!"

"By searching for and collecting information about me?" He took a step forward while you forced yourself to stand still. "Interviewing your classmates and other students?"

"I just wanted to get to know you better," it wasn't really a lie. "I didn't think it was right to bother you with such trifles. I apologize if I caused you any inconvenience with my actions."

You looked down guiltily at the floor, secretly hoping that your acting was good enough. You mentally ran through the possible outcomes of events in your head. If he convincingly asked you to stop, even better. You would have to revise your role and add a few details, but nothing complicated.

What? For a second, you lost control of your facial expression again, allowing genuine surprise to show.

"I admit honestly, you really added troubles to my plate," you allowed yourself to glance at the young man who continued to tower over you. Contrary to popular belief, this was the first time you were standing so close, and therefore his height made you feel very small. "If you were so interested in me, instead of being content with information from others, you could have approached me personally."

"What do you mean?"

The phrase was said more for the sake of it, to buy some time and come up with a solution.

"Oh, it's so sudden," you touched your cheeks with your hands again, hiding your darting gaze. "This is a joke, right? You're not going to play with a fragile heart in love, are you?"

"Fufufu," Jade only chuckled, touching his chin with hand and baring sharp teeth in a smile, while everything inside you went cold. "You, let me remind, mentioned to others your little crush, am I right?" You nodded mechanically. "What if I express my desire, just like yours, to get to know you better?"

A gloved hand took one of your palms away from your face, forcing you to straighten up and look forward. It was a miracle you didn't snatch it away that second, allowing him to hold your hand and even brush his lips against it in a light kiss.

"Is that enough to dispel all your fears, Name-san?"

There was an unspoken, 'you add another one,' hanging in the air, but you forced yourself to smile as if he had said the sweetest thing in the world. You glanced back furtively, horrified at how long his shadow was, and how it had completely swallowed up yours.

The question of whether you should continue farce for the sake of work remained open.

[kittenintheden]

2024 Fic Rundown

tagged by the beautiful and lovely @amoremagnificentbastard, thank you love!

words posted: 297,593 (holy shit? lmao)

additional words written: I have no idea, man. I worked on some personal projects and a lot of work stuff last year.

grand total of words: more than above.

fandoms: BG3 all day err day

highest kudos: Not Your Sweetheart currently at 1,583

highest hit oneshot: Ethics Review (3,059)

new things I tried: I tried out a few different pairings and perspectives I'd never done, I did a parody/spoof piece, and I did my first fandom zine!

fic I spent the most time on: Not Your Sweetheart by a freaking mile lmao

fic I spent the least time on: idk probably When I Think About You which I wrote in a single evening.

favorite thing I wrote: Not Your Sweetheart will always get this designation bc of the time and love I put into it but as far as one-shots... I Slit the Throat of Your Confidence for stretching my writing muscles and Poker Face for the sheer amount of people I was able to fool and fun I had doing so.

favorite thing(s) I read: Longing by viennacherries, which is a Dammon/Tav fic!! But there's so much honestly great work out there. Something for literally every taste.

writing goals for 2025:

completing Not Your Sweetheart

starting a newsletter (not for fic, for something else)

completing a draft for an original novel

working on other projects that went by the wayside last year

new works:

my BG3 Winter Big Bang project, coming in February!

getting back to It's Always Sunny in Nine Hills, hopefully

one-shots when the mood strikes

no-pressure tags for @shewhowas39 @atsadi-shenanigans @bloodinwine @astarionfreak @brain-rot-central

[hellscreen04]

「Other lesser painters are such mediocrities, they have no way to recognize the beauty that lies in ugliness.」

It's Ryōshū.

Shūre's nice to meet ya.

Hobbies, interests, bio. Left to right, top to bottom.

A.R.T C.S.G.O A.O.E. B.T.S.

Send me your asks.

Tags

Fanart Tag ~ S.Y.N.C.

Conversation Tag ~ T.T.Y.L.

Ask Tag ~ A.Q.U.A.

Reblogs ~ R.B.R.B.

Coworkers:

@sinnerofwalpurgisnacht

@sinner-no-5

@the-jade-witness

@justanotherdeckhand

@lcbheathcliff

@rodya-raskolnikova

@ask-executive-manager-dante

@inexorablyinsecure

@hadapurpose

@gregorbud

@nottheredgaze

//Mod Intro + S.A.N.G.R.I.A. Translation Under The Cut//

//This blog is a parody and in no way affiliated with Project Moon.//

=======================

Whew. Scary! Time for the translation, and then my necessary wall of text.

R.B. - Ryoshu's Blog

Bio post as read from left to right A.R.T. - Artistically Rending Things C.S.G.O - Crafting Synesthetic Gourmet Originals A.O.E. - Assailing Other Entities B.T.S. - Bothering The Sinners

In addition, you're supposed to read it from top to bottom. A.C.A.B. - All Cops Are Bastards R.S.O.T. - Real Sinner On Tumblr T.G.E.S. - Trans Gender, Exclusively She O. - No translation

Finally, tags! S.Y.N.C. - Send Your Novel Creations A.Q.U.A. - Answering Questions, Unless Awful T.T.Y.L. - Talking To You Lot R.B.R.B. - Ryoshu's Blog ReBlogs

=======================

I'm the mod of this page. You can call me Mist, or really anything, so long as it isn't masculine. I run @not-the-red-mist as my general Project Moon fanblog, but I decided to give an askblog a shot after seeing so many other people having fun with them! I can't guarantee I'll stick with it, though- We'll see! There were a lot of votes in favor of this on the poll I published, and I'm not used to having so many eyes on me.

I've chosen to go for a somewhat unserious approach here. Don't get me wrong, I'll still try to keep Ryoshu's character pretty consistent with what we see in-game. But, I have yet to go out of my way to read Hell Screen to really get a grasp of her possible motives, and she in general is one of the least talkative Sinners, so there's going to be a lot of interpretation, and some occasional projection of my own whims. If this blog is still going by time Canto 9 releases, we'll do a sort of "reboot" to bring her back into character.

In any case, I am not actually Ryoshu. Sorry to disappoint. But I'll do my best to bring her to life! I look forward to seeing what kind of trouble we can all get up to together!

[tortillakitten]

Our Living Nightmare (2365 words) by Starry_Phoenix Chapters: 1/? Fandom: In Stars And Time (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Bonnie (In Stars and Time), Loop (In Stars And Time), Mirabelle (In Stars and Time), Siffrin (In Stars And Time), Odile (In Stars and Time) Additional Tags: Psychological Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, ish, Temporary Character Death, Isolation, Mind Control, <-kinda, im so sorry Summary:

A month after the king had been defeated Bonnie finds themself back in Dormont. However, they quickly realise something is horribly wrong, as they find the members of their family all replaced with horrific parodies of themselves.

They don’t know how or why this happened. All they know is that they need to get their family back.

 Alternately: The ICAH au from Tumblr, horror variant.

Thank you to @lembowe for suffering through this hell with me and providing me with wonderful art for my horrible fic :D