#ahab........... save me ahab...................
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i am so unwell about her. so so unwell
#what do you MEAN my heartrate spiked when I saw her during a mdr run#wdym that I'm actually unwell about her#I'm actually sick this is crazy#she's the hag ever and i need her#somebody PUT ME DOWN I cannot be going feral over her#ughHh I FEEL SICK!!!!#ahab........... save me ahab...................#captain ahab lcb#limbus company#projmoon#devi_talks
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#limbus company#limbus company ahab#i have such a problem#40 cigarettes a day is a healthier alternative at this point#god help me if you can hear me#i have drawn something#awful old woman save me. save me awful old woman
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My personal headcanon for the WH Mirror World is that Ishmael agreed to be a maid under the Edgar Family because she knew the heir was a sickly waif of a man who would probably croak from TB in a decade or two and she can train up to face Ahab in that amount of time, but unfortunately she got really attached to the sickly waif of a man she was banking on dying young.
#technically her uptie says the edgar family took her in and gave her a job but. you won't convince me she gave up on finding ahab again#still funny to me the pallid whale ate her entire crew and she was like 'i know that crusty sea hag is still alive'#AND SHE WAS RIGHT#i know in the WH timeline she's 'gregor's doting nag of a maid' but she's still ishmael. she still wants to find the whale.#i have half of a fanfic outlined in my head around this#her taking a job as a maid and training under ryoshu#gregor is midway through his marriage with catherine and she's busy building illegal mirror tech and pining for her ex#ishmael watched their marriage fall apart like. damn.#fwiw cathy does say she wants heathcliff and linton both so like. polyamory could have saved them?#loving the heathgreg toxic yaoi implications here#but of course that doesn't happen#then the whole ordeal with erlking and his sister (probably grete in this timeline? instead of isabella?)#when they finally have to face the wild hunt gregor brings up ish's mission cause he's kind of known about it more or less#he tells her she's free to go if she wants b/c she still has her mission#and ish says she wants to see this mission through first#does she make it? idk probably not we'll see#imagine her being the sole survivor of ANOTHER disaster#and erlking is another calamity she has to kill
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what the tags to my posts have taught me is that the wurthering heights stans are eating devouring enjoying while im locked in Moby Dick Jail with the ahab starbuck emotionally draining yuri that lives only in my mind-
#me staring at the direction that they decided to take starbuck's character#LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BOY#also sometimes i get annoyed about the way that pip and ahab's interactions were adapted#like if anyone could have dragged ahab's ass back from the edge. ranked. 1. pip and 2. MAYBE starbuck had a small chance but like#not really#pip and starbuck are like....... two examples of how ahab's damage couldve been averted#pip and ahab are SUCH an important relationship that got kinda lost#bc it shows that ahab COULDVE walked back his ego for human connection. he and pip wind up kinda getting each other in a weird way#pip in moby dick is like. if apollo was the ocean pip would be cassandra. do you understand.#pip and ahab know how each other tick in the book.#they were like each other's One Chances bc ahab couldve left his ego and done the one damn thing which would've REALLY saved#the one goddamn person who he's come to genuinely care about#and pip gave ahab the chance to have someone sort of get how actually scared ahab is of the ocean and how that fear was the biggest#damn insult a dude like that could have. bc if you read the book and how ahab was treated directly after losing his leg.#it wasnt JUST moby dick it was the way his ship treated him. you understand why he's Like That.#the ocean AND the whaling crew fucked them both over.#uhhh meanwhile starbuck Thought that he could walk ahab's ego back from the edge!#but in reality the way that starbuck was ahab's One Chance at not killing everyone on that ship is if starbuck had shot his ass in the cabi#limbus company#IM GLAD THE WURTHERING HEIGHTS FANS ARE HAVING FUN THOUGH IM GL
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Gay people won this Canto
The Canto V experience... I think
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Hello friends, I am back with more reading recommendations for your agonies! Next up we have the long awaited and much requested Sad Boat Fiction list. As with all of my lists, this is NOT exhaustive and there WILL be great books left off, and also you may or may not like these books! I only rec things that I've personally enjoyed or that come highly recommended by trusted friends, but taste in books is incredibly subjective, especially with fiction. If I missed your favorite, please add it in the comments or drop it in my DMs!
Now that I'm feeling more settled in my new job, I will hopefully have a lot more time to make book lists and do more virtual Readers' Advisory. I have lists in the works for women in polar exploration and companion reads for the HBO War series, but if there's something else you would love to see, please send me a message!
Classics of the Genre
At the Mountains of Madness by H.P. Lovecraft
The Terror by Dan Simmons
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Dark Matter by Michelle Paver
Media Tie-Ins
Who Goes There? (Filmed as The Thing) by John W. Campbell, Jr.
The North Water by Ian McGuire
Cold Skin by Alfred Sánchez Piñol
The Terror by Dan Simmons
Graphic Novels
Whiteout by Greg Rucka
How to Survive in the North by Luke Healy
The Worst Journey in the World- The Graphic Novel Volume 1: Making Our Easting Down adapted by Sarah Airriess from the book by Apsley Cherry-Garrard*
*this is only fiction in the broadest possible sense of the term, but there is a shiny new American version of this book coming out with a gorgeous new cover and you should pre-order it immediately
Science Fiction
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. LeGuin
Antarctica by Kim Stanley Robinson
Romance
Under a Pole Star by Stef Penney
The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley
My Last Continent by Midge Raymond
Inspired by the Terra Nova Expedition
The Worst Journey in the World- The Graphic Novel Volume 1: Making Our Easting Down adapted by Sarah Airriess from the book by Apsley Cherry-Garrard*
The Birthday Boys by Beryl Bainbridge
Terra Nova: A Play by Ted Tally
Antarctic Navigation by Elizabeth Arthur
*this is only fiction in the broadest possible sense of the term, but there is a shiny new American version of this book coming out with a gorgeous new cover and you should pre-order it immediately
Inspired by the Franklin Expedition
The Rifles by William T. Vollmann
Minds of Winter by Ed O'Loughlin
Solomon Gursky Was Here by Mordecai Richler
On the Proper Use of Stars by Dominique Fortier
Literary Fiction
The Voyage of the Narwhal by Andrea Barrett
Migrations by Charlotte McConaghy
We, The Drowned by Carsten Jensen
Inspired by the Classics
The Route of Ice and Salt by José Luis Zárate
Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund
Modern Day Antarctica
How the Penguins Saved Veronica by Hazel Prior
South Pole Station by Ashley Shelby
Where'd You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple
Polar and Nautical Horror
Where the Dead Wait by Ally Wilkes
Dark Matter by Michelle Paver
Cold Earth by Sarah Moss
The Deep by Nick Cutter
All the White Spaces by Ally Wilkes
Dark Water by Elizabeth Lowry
The Deep by Alma Katsu
Happy reading!
#reader's advisory#sad boat#sad boat books#sad boat fiction#polar exploration#nautical history#read this
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Fell Bullet Yi Sang's trailer has really made me rethink what Gubo's deal - and the deal of N Corp as a whole - is.
Obviously they're not good, and Gubo is said to have killed members of the original League who refused to join N Corp, but Yi Sang's comments - along with the original nature of Brother Young-ji's glass window - makes me think there's more to it.
The glass window's original purpose is to show an image of a world where a dead butterfly was able to live happily and fly across the sea (haha Rim reference). In other words, to create an ideal world where nobody suffers, and where everyone is alive.
Obviously, the path to getting there is horrible and likely traumatizing for the Sinners, but I do suspect that that is the end goal of N Corp; to erase all Mirror Worlds that fail to match up to this standard, granting all of humanity a world of eternal prosperity. Gubo and the League, Jia Huan and the younger Jia Huan, Nelly for herself, Sonya for humanity as a whole... all of them want a world without suffering and death for someone. The only one I fail to see a motive for is Ahab, and even then, her whole thing is wanting to kill the Whale because she thinks that it's the origin of all evil and suffering in the world.
It even fits in with the themes of WhiteNight; a destructive savior of all of humanity who seeks to save it by removing their burdens entirely, rather than giving them the strength to endure them.
It's the ultimate denial of Limbus Company's ethos; in order to attain the Golden Boughs and do what needs to be done, you can't deceive yourself with the same philosophy peddled by Carmen, and must confront your past head-on in order to overcome it and make the world a better place. You must face the sin, and save the EGO.
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I CANNOT "CHILL" MY COMPASS IS MISSING NOW.
-Maganera
I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK. I NEED MY COMPASS BACK.
-Maganera
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every once in a while i remember that the outsiders called their jet the pequod and lose my mind. herman melville didn't write moby dick for me to ignore the delicious allusions.
this old Peleg, during the term of his chief-mateship, had built upon her original grotesqueness, and inlaid it, all over, with a quaintness both of material and device, unmatched by anything [...]
the original parts have been replaced and rewritten because the team has a history separate from that of this particular iteration. dick chooses to call them the outsiders... it's both homage and symptom-of-devotion to bruce but most importantly, dick reasons that he's tired of watching people die and get hurt; he wants to be the hunter instead of waiting for the threat to come to him... he wants to be the predator, just like the pequod has been hunting whales all these years.
But to all these her old antiquities, were added new and marvellous features, pertaining to the wild business that for more than half a century she had followed.
here's this ship that has sustained years of damage... just like the heart of the outsiders. roy asks dick to join a team he creates for the sole purpose of saving dick from the grief of donna's death and hey, if he can give some rookies a shot at learning how to fight? well, roy harper is in the business of saving. doesn't matter how big the shipwreck, he won't let anyone drown. also, the shift and rex of it all... a part of you that has become his own person... only for the harsh realities of the world to cause suicide-by-absorption. old and new... all of intersecting in something grotesque (shift's grief and heartbreak becomes a part of rex's).
Her ancient decks were worn and wrinkled, like the pilgrim-worshipped flag-stone in Canterbury Cathedral where Becket bled.
where becket bled... where donna died. and to drive it all home, roy has indigo join. she wants to make amends, she doesn't remember how she was directly involved in donna's death. and it blows up in their faces but for a brief period, shift gets to experience genuine happiness with indigo.
“They didn’t tell much of anything about him; only I’ve heard that he’s a good whale-hunter, and a good captain to his crew.” “That’s true, that’s true—yes, both true enough. But you must jump when he gives an order. Step and growl; growl and go—that’s the word with Captain Ahab. But nothing about that thing that happened to him off Cape Horn, long ago, when he lay like dead for three days and nights...”
it's captained by ahab, who's single-minded in his pursuit of moby dick. the ship itself is synonymous with failure... it's covered and furnished with whale teeth and bones; it's an omen of doom. no matter how far dick goes, donna's ghost will stay. he tries to lead the outsiders with no emotionality and it gets people hurt; they emerge with small victories but the bigger picture is always falling short... so much so that they end up having to fake their deaths midway through the comic.
Upon each side of the Pequod’s quarter deck, and pretty close to the mizzen shrouds, there was an auger hole, bored about half an inch or so, into the plank. His bone leg steadied in that hole; one arm elevated, and holding by a shroud...
ahab outfits his ship with holes and machinations for his peg leg... roy outfits the team with contingencies and plans so that he and dick never have to deal with something like teammates dying on their watch again. there's so much more to lose your mind over, especially with queepeg's coffin becoming a symbol of life for ishmael when the pequod eventually sinks... i love a good allegory <3
#one day i'll do a meta about the whaling aspect of moby dick and bludhaven + ahab as a foil to dick & bruce#but today is not that day#outsiders 2003 u changed my life irrevocably#dick grayson#roy harper#dc meta#dc text
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I love Heathmael as much as all of y'all but you gotta see how funny this ship is now after Canto V.
Ishmael all her life believing herself to be an exclusive woman lover with her undying love of Queequeg and the sparks of obsession with Ahab (she had the smallest crush on Ahab when she first boarded the Pequod, you cannot convince me otherwise).
And then she has her bisexual awakening in Canto V.
Imagine the sheer hilarious anguish she's feeling as she realizes that fucking Heathcliff is her bi awakening.
Heathcliff, who's always bickered and fought with her from day 1.
That very same Heathcliff who saved her just like what Queequeg did all those years back.
"Do I like men?" Ishmael thinks to herself one night.
"No. I just like Heathcliff." She retorts to herself before SCREAMING into her pillow. She refuses to think about this thought further but she knows that Heathcliff awakened something in her and she hates it.
#limbus company#ishmael lcb#heathcliff lcb#heathmael#ishcliff#shout out to emi for selling me on heathmael theyre so fucking funny to me now#the sudden realization that youre bisexual but your awakening is your annoying shonen anime rival like what do you do with that info???#you cant fucking admit that! you cant even admit it to yourself without wanting to jettison yourself off the bus#''he just reminds me of queequeg!'' -> (realizes that she just equated heathcliff to her wife and starts to see the similarities) -> SCREAM#congrats on the bisexuality ishy rip to your ego#vivien talks
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Call Her Ishmael (or: a trans reading of one of my favorite Limbus characters)
Hi, I have been thinking about writing something like this since Canto V first released and today I finally felt inspired to actually make this... A compilation of the parts of Ishmael's story that lead me to reading her as trans <3 and why I think that understanding her character though that lens works so well
We begin with a woman stuck in the mundane. No plans for the future, no dreams of a life beyond the one she is currently living in, and that life is one she has long grown tired of. And she decides she would rather quit living that life, even if it would kill her. Everyone told her not to do this, but she wanted (needed) to do something new with her life.
She finds Ahab here, when she is at this low where she is unsure of where to go from here now that she has cast her old life away. She looks at Ahab and sees a woman with goals, determination, serious plans for the future she is willing to commit to. And she wants to be just like that woman. She wants to be a woman who will choose what her destiny is, choose what life she has.
"I hoped to be like her one day. To be someone who will face the destiny of her own choosing. To have something I could give it my all with conviction and without a moment of hesitation."
And when she gets on that boat and starts this new chapter in her life, well. There she meets Queequeg, and is asked for her name...
Queequeg asking her name, something that surprises Ishmael, and complimenting her hair is a defining moment in Ishmael's life and in their relationship. And not only is it the first conversation they have, it is the also last thing Queequeg asks of her. To hear Ishmael's name one more time is something that will bring not only herself comfort, but she knows will stabilize Ishmael as well in this moment. That it will bring her back to when they had first met, to the fond memories of a good friend who had asked for her name. Ishmael's name, her identity, the one she forged on that boat even through great difficulty is what shaped her into being herself... That is how their relationship begins and ends...
There is also a recurring theme of being reborn, of happiness being found in another life that is kinder to them both. Ishmael dreams of a life where they can break out of their cocoons. She wants to bury her past and had no dreams of the future before joining the Pequod, before meeting Queequeg and finding someone she wants a future with. Through Queequeg, through the woman who thinks her hair is the brilliant color of sunset and asked for her name, Ishmael is capable of imagining a destiny of her own choosing just like she had wanted when she met Ahab. (She isn't able to chase after it, not yet, because of Ahab's influence over the Pequod, but she for the first time can at least dream of a future where she is happy)
When tragedy strikes, she is left as, in her mind, the sole survivor of the crew, she has lost Queequeg, lost Ahab, lost her chance at finding happiness and purpose. It's then that she takes Queequeg's rope (the thing that kept her alive! Queequeg throughout their time knowing each other is always there to save her and help her keep on living) and makes it into a headband, attaches cute bows to it, a bit of femininity that is intrinsically attached to the woman who helped save her. She grows out her hair, her beautiful sunset colored hair, and it is so heart warming. For a long time I assumed that her not cutting her hair was done out of mourning, out of an unwillingness to move on from the life she had on that ship, but instead it was because Queequeg had loved her and she had loved her friend in kind.
In conclusion I love Ishmael very much and I like to rotate her around. Everything from her metaphors of being stuck in a cocoon and wanting to break free, her envy of Ahab's ability to find purpose so easily, her relationship with Queequeg that helped inspire her to dream for more to dream of a future where she is happy,, it is all very good and to me reading her as trans strengthens the themes of her story. I've watched the final part of the Canto V dungeon several times over when my friends arrive at that part of the story, and the Call Me Ishmael line always makes me start tearing up.
Ishmael starts as an unhappy office worker with no future and it is a life she cannot continue living, she meets an older woman who has the drive and passion to chase after her goals and wants to be like her when she is older, she has a life defining moment where another woman asks for her name and wants to be good friends with her, that woman will save her in so many ways and she will love that woman so deeply for how she helped influence her life, she sees herself trapped in a cocoon and wants to break free, she dreams of her and that woman will persevere, how they will live out the rest of their days, countless mirror worlds of happiness spent at each other's side. She starts the game proper with her hair grown long, ribbons attached to a rope that helped save her that represents the woman who had saved her before. She ends her chapter finding a new adventure to go on, one will she get to explore the world she lives in, she has found a compass in Dante who will help her chart her path forward.
Also I know we all make jokes about how inconsistent the art is when it comes to her chest but like... Come on look at the difference here.... I'm correct about this. But I mostly wanted to make this post to point out that her narrative arc is also trans and it goes so much deeper than just art inconsistencies.
Okay that's all I can think of now, thank you for reading, I hope you all also love her <3
#limbus company#ishmael lcb#not quite sure what to tag this as but I hope you all enjoy...?#i just sort of wrote whatever came to mind so i hope this is like... understandable
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Thinking about the three characters we've met who had already found and claimed the Golden Bough before the Sinners, Kromer, Dongbaek and now Ahab it's very interesting to me that they all have in common being women leaders of groups where they are seen as messiahs of sorts, much like how Carmen herself who is the origin of The Light was the one who united the original LobCorp team and had such supernatural charisma that she could convince anyone she wanted to join her cause of "saving humanity".
Kromer is the most blantant and cartoonish example, she's worshipped as a messiah and goddess by her followers to the point they consider basking in her grace a priviledge to the point of genuine insanity beyond what any regular person could comprehend, pure religious fanatism for their savior they believe in who will bring them a "pure, untainted" world, so much that they have cast away their individuality in their adoration, inquisitors being indistinguishable from one another.
Ahab who is a more realistic example of this kind of person even if not as infallible as the seemingly perfect Carmen; she's strong, confident, passionate, revered as a hero and makes convincing cases for herself while having the unnatural ability to appeal to people's desires and cut through them, and in her case the way the Pequod Town have come to bend to her isn't unfounded given their situation. I think that's what makes her significantly scarier and more effective as a villain and character in general; she's not just a comically evil woman in a position of power, you can very easily see why some people would fall for her words and bend to her will. She is paradoxically both the savior of the Pequod and the one who doomed them to the hell inside The Pallid Whale, yet after being isolated from society for so long with no other choices or escape and having their sense of self degraded by the Pallidfication the Pequod crew only came to see the first part.
Dongbaek is an interesting case, unlike the two women described before who are undeniably villains and egomaniacal, she's portrayed as much more sympathetic and even an outright tragic figure, however at the same time unlike them we never directly see the relationship she has with her followers. They never talk about Dongbaek herself and not even mention her in any way, only the ideology she gave them: destroy the current order to create an ideal world free from the shackles of The Wings and technological advancement, and unlike the two before who are always aided by their lackeys, Dongbaek was always seen alone, less like a hero or a goddess but more like a ghost that haunted everyone, much like Carmen's role in LobCorp. This "ghost" motif is doubly emphasized by her sickly dying appearance and how she contantly dissapeared and appeared without a trace, never letting those around her forget about all they have lost or sacrificed trapped in her vendetta.
But ultimately Dongrang, herself and even Yi Sang come to admit her motives were just as self-centered and she was just as manipulative, yet rather from a place of hubris it came from a place of deep despair and yearning.
Like Kromer, the TLA believed she would make a better world, but like Ahab, she was ultimately someone taking advantage of people in despair and giving them false hopes, all while deluding herself further, and much like Carmen, she's associated with trees and vegetation, both expressing the wish to be like one and having a disdain for The Wings, though in Dongbaek's case, she only represents half of Carmen's wish; being the plant blooming across the land, while Yi Sang is the one who would reach the sky.
In the end, all three of these women were false saviors, much like how Carmen's idea of bringing salvation to humanity led to all of the suffering within Lobotomy Corporation, the unleashing of chaos upon The City even her own endless torture as The Well giving birth to Abnormalities...it makes me wonder if all of this was intentional, as a way to parallel Carmen herself. Yet all three of them appear to us clearly untrustworthy while Carmen does not.
Kromer, Dongbaek and Ahab are immediately stablished as dangerous presences; Ahab and Kromer being the sources of Ishmael and Sinclair's suffering and tormenters they have to overcome --the source of their nightmares, and Dongbaek is introduced stabbing Yi Sang and being called "dangerous" yet Carmen is introduced as her best self and all the best memories everyone has of her, it isn't until Ruina, away from Ayin's perspective that she's questioned, it makes me wonder if they will continue to bring these characters contrasting Carmen in further chapters.
#project moon#limbus company#Canto V spoilers#Lobotomy Corporation#Carmen LobCorp#lcb Kromer#lcb Dongbaek#lcb Ahab#analysis#Limbus Company analysis#I should properly tag these now#idk I'm having a lot of thoughts
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You've Already Got Me Wrapped Around Your Finger Part 4
You couldn't imagine my delight, when you invited me to a mid-day picnic after you poured your heart out to me in the stacks at Mooney's. I'd wanted to kiss you, so desperately, but heroes wait for their moment.
And you are a vision here in this bustling park, the pale blue sun dress and the same ole tote that you sling over your shoulder. You are a vision. You're effortless, in a way that people try to emulate but never quite measure up to.
You blush and babble as you unpack a spread of cheese, crackers and fruit. As you unpack, your most prized possession tumbles from the depths of your tote: your journal. You've mentioned in passing, that you draw and write in there and its the only time you feel like you can be yourself. I am Captain Ahab and your journal is my white whale.
"Oops," Y/N says while quickly stuffing it back in. Its a deep green with tattered corners but she touches it with such tenderness.
I hope you can be yourself with me, Y/N. I hope you can tell that I'm here to save you. I'm here to take care of you.
It was an absolutely perfect day: the picnic, the train back to our little part of New York City, the leisurely ride home, kissing you on your porch.
Your lips were so soft, Y/N. They're almost a drug. The way I got lost in the moment and buried my hands into your soft hair. Pulling away, you looked up at me with a look that only can be described as vulnerable. Beautiful. I wanted to take you right there. But instead I stroked your cheek with my thumb and reassured you that I had a wonderful time. That I couldn't wait to see you again.
When you texted me later that night, you pulled me out of my reading. But you are always a welcome distraction.
"Thanks again for the beautiful day together. Wanna grab a drink later this week? PS. I lost my journal, maybe on the train? I'm bummed! Does Mooney's sell blank journals?"
I don't answer because I immediately plan on buying you one and bringing it to you in the morning. A nice one. And each time you pour your soul into its pages, you'll think of me.
It was irresistible grabbing it out of your bag on the train. Your attention was on the loud commotion to your right. In an instant, it went from your bag, to my backpack. Hidden under the picnic blanket.
Maybe I'll buy you a new bag, one with a zipper. I don't want anyone pickpocketing you. Anyone could grab your wallet and get your personal information. I just wanna keep you safe. Not everyone is going to have your best intentions at heart. But I do.
I've been worried about you, Y/N. This is just my way of checking on you. I'm sure you're worried about overloading me. About having too much baggage, but you could never be too much for me. The more I read, the more fascinated I became.
I learned from your journal, new things but also things I only suspected. Like, that your dads care overwhelms you sometimes. Even though you love your dad dearly. That you worry that it might be time to put him in a home, even though your heart couldn't bear it. That your brother resists helping you, even though you work round the clock. That you miss your mother. And rereading The Outsiders makes you feel more connected to her.
Your art is always so gestural. So much feeling.
My heart stopped when I saw that you even wrote about me.
You wrote about meeting me at the shop. Our coffee together. And even about eating bodega sandwiches in the stacks of Mooney's. How I made you feel safe at that moment.
"I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think I like this guy Joe."
#joe goldberg x you#joe goldberg fanfic#joe goldberg x reader#joe goldberg imagine#joe goldberg imagines#joe goldberg#You imagine#you imagines#penn badgley x reader#penn badgley imagine#penn badgley
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Queequeg's lack of autonomy: features or bugs?
You know, I wanted this to be a proper analysis, but the stressed, sleep-deprived, busy self can only do a semi-ramble, semi analysis.
So I said how Queequeg's lack of autonomy and individuality is not a bug, but a feature.
Just so we are on the same page, I will prove how Queequeg is very obviously lacking in autonomy:
Queequeg: Must be nice. Queequeg: Knowing what you want. Knowing what you desire.
Canto V's dungeon: Floor 2
No… You devoured the crew whole. You painted over their wills, just like the Whales— no! Just like the Pallid Whale! Molding them and shaping them to fit your wants and needs.
Canto V's dungeon: Floor 3
Queequeg: Too late to think. About what is right and what is wrong. To think for myself. Too late.
Canto V's dungeon: Floor 3
The whole dungeon, she was obeying Ahab's orders, getting dragged around and around. Utterly lacking in agency is her main characteristic in her Pequod time, but there is a case to say it wasn't so during her Middle-arc. After all, she did say:
Queequeg: So I killed. And killed. And killed. Not because of orders. Killed with my own hands. Because I wanted to. Because I wanted respect as Big Sister.
I don't doubt her words. However, tribalistic as the Middle is, I think we can speculate on how much of Queequeg's actions stemmed from her own desire, and how much was her complying to its culture without even knowing it.
Either way, even if you disagree that Middle Queequeg was lacking in agency, it's hard to argue that she wasn't in her Pequod times, so we can assume that is a major trait of hers.
Let's go back to The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen for a sec. I will assume that you are convinced that one of Limbus Queequeg's inspiration is The Little Mermaid. If you are confused with that statement, please read:
The Little Mermaid wants to seek an immortal soul by getting the prince to marry her. I think it is a misconception that she did all (abandoning her family, enduring pain with every of her steps, sacrificing her voice) for love. No, she wants more than that: she wants an immortal soul. There could be a religious reading here, but it is neither relevant to my point nor am I qualify to state it, so I'll leave it. However, one could see how the arrangement of a woman having to win the love of a man and devoting her entire self to him to attain her spiritual fulfillment is very unfair, misogynistic, even. (Unfortunately, I can't explore that theme in Limbus Queequeg's story because sexism apparently doesn't exist in the City and also there are no prominent men in her story either?)
Here, I can go on about traditional heroines and how they are mostly quite lacking in agency too, but I haven't done researches for that. And more, importantly, this trope was intentionally subverted in The Little Mermaid. Hans Christian Andersen is much smarter than me, because he wrote it.
The Little Mermaid isn't just a damsel waiting for someone to save her. Her two displays of her agency are 1. finding the Sea Witch to get a pair of legs and 2. not killing the prince. She has a goal (attaining an immortal soul) and a principle (her love for the prince?) that she holds steadfast. Unfortunately, the one thing that she has been after, the prince's love, is not something that she can control. She can try to seduce him, sure, but his affection is his own. And, without it, she can't get an immortal soul...
But that isn't true, is it? The Mermaid didn't just die and turn into sea foam, fated to never get her immortal soul. She became a daughter of Air. And, with enough good deeds, can gain her own soul. Fortunately for her, this time, the task of getting her soul depends much, much more on herself.
This writing choice is quite intentionally, I believe. I wanted to read more about it, I really do, but the link they cited on Wikipedia led to an Internet Archive article that has been downed (RIP). Anyways, the gist of it is Andersen took inspiration for The Little Mermaid from Undine, in which a water spirit indeed got her immortal soul by marrying a human knight. Anyways, this is what Andersen allegedly wrote to a friend about it.
I have not, like de la Motte Fouqué in Undine, allowed the mermaid's acquiring of an immortal soul to depend upon an alien creature, upon the love of a human being. I'm sure that's wrong! It would depend rather much on chance, wouldn't it? I won't accept that sort of thing in this world. I have permitted my mermaid to follow a more natural, more divine path.
The point, I think, is that the Mermaid doesn't really need the prince's love to gain an immortal soul. That is something she can obtain herself, what she deserves after so much sacrifices, the rewards for her virtues. After the Mermaid was at the mercy of the prince for half of the story, she was given a chance to do good by herself. The opportunity of attaining an immortal soul returned to her.
I just argued above that Queequeg doesn't have autonomy, maybe even from her time in the Middle, but I lied (again). Queequeg also has two acts of agencies her own 1. running away from the Middle and 2:
Queequeg: Dante. Something I wish. Queequeg: I want… Ishmael to… Queequeg: … find her way.
Canto V's Dungeon: Floor 2, and
Woah, those two acts perfectly match the Mermaid's too, wonder how did that happened.
That was Queequeg's only wish, and that was just a bit after she said she was jealous of the Abnormalities for having wishes too :D
Queequeg also got her immortal soul, but...
This is when I think the story falls flat, if you hyperfocus on her. And you...shouldn't have. She is an NPC, who is dead. Only weird nerds like me would analyse the story in her perspective. This is not really a criticism for Canto V or PM's writings (although I do have a problem with it sometimes). I think they did the best they could to flesh out and gave Queequeg a proper ending with the little screen time she got (unlike that one other dead NPC from another franchise that I used to hyperfocus on).
However, what did The Little Mermaid have to do to get her immortal souls? She has to do 300 years worth of good deeds. Even though we didn't get to see it, we can assume that she struggled and grew even more to attain her goal.
What did Queequeg do to get her immortal soul? Um...uh...
Queequeg didn't really grow in the quest. When reunited with Ishmael, "her broken heart" got "unearthed". She nurtured a wish for herself: for Ishmael to find her own path. But, ultimately, she was still...following Ahab's orders. We still have to fight her twice (and thrice if you count her EGO phase).
Queequeg had character developments during her time on Pequod (mostly with the influence of Ishmael). She learned to look forward and to have hope. That got rolled back.
So, essentially, Queequeg got rewarded for...nothing?
Her story has ended. She couldn't do anything to actually gain her immortal soul, her atonement anymore. She is still quite lacking in autonomy. And I think that is a real shame, a bug, even.
That is one of the reasons why I made that swap Ishqueg AU.
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I know characters lacking in agencies are often seen as bad written, and a lot of times, they are. However, there is a certain charms to characters who have been deliberately written to have next to 0 agency. This actually reminds me of Iwakura Michihiro from Genshin Impact, an actually pretty prominent NPC in Inazuma's lore, whose only 2 acts of agencies in the lore were 1. leaving home to live in the woods (this one is debatable because he was abused and perhaps driven from home would be a more correct term) and 2. naming his sword. Anything else he did were instructions from his bully/mentor/friend/crush/saviour. And also Carter Scherbius, another NPC from Genshin Impact, who was terminally ill and then turned into goop in an effort to save him and later reincarnated for an experiment.
There is something quite heartbreaking and even beautiful about seeing a characters being dragged and beaten by the narrative. It's relatable. Real people, we, don't usually have control of our lives most of the times. We are dragged around and the beaten by forces we can't understand. We are usually helpless against our fate.
And, what kinds of people who would usually feel helpless against the sheer incomprehensibleness and the cruelty of our vast world? Sailors.
#lcb ishmael#limbus company#project moon#lcb ishqueg#lcb queequeg#analysis#queequeg#ishmael limbus company#rambles
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okay so. what is moby dick about 👀 themes characters content your favorite thing etc. gimme the DEETS
oh god. this is such a beautiful question thank u caspian I have been pondering this orb all day. I will. attempt to summarize mobydick's themes, and then explaining my blorbos within the plot, and then showing u some images.
the overarching themes of it are 1. we are all god to one other, 2. capitalism is a scourge upon this earth and it will force its bodies into madness and murder before it allows them a modicum of gentleness, 3. here are 100 incorrect facts about whales, 4. gay love will save us if we have the courage to choose it :)💙
so moby dick. is essentially about a very depressed and autistic man who goes to sea aboard an extremely doomed 1800s whaling vessel and is the only one who survives to tell the tale. it's a GRIPPING tragedy with extremely compelling monuments of characters and an ending that sucked the air straight out of my lungs. allow me to elaborate as succinctly as I can.
our depressed guy (ishmael) gets depression so bad he decides fuck it, my current special interest is the ocean and also whales so i'm going to go get a seaman job bc that's basically how to die without dying. and on his way getting hired as a seaman, he gets put in a literal "there's only one bed left in the inn" situation and then meets a super cool Māori harpooner whom he almost immediately gets actual on page married to. they wake up in bed together "as if i was his wife" and all. i am not fucking with you. chapters 4 and 11. (and also 94. sort of.)
you may think to yourself; "Mossy, there's canon gays in this? Those must be the ones you're obsessed with, right?" and. well! unfortunately there's something wrong with me😀. don't get me wrong, Queequeg and Ishmael are so fucking darling, but 1 there's a lot of content for them online already, and 2. then ishmael gets on the boat. and then we meet the guys running the ship. and jesus fucking christ i got GOT.
because CAPTAIN AHAB is very much legend in american lit at this point, but trust me when I say, he fills the shoes of those 170 years of glory. he as a character is a magnetic weight that is genuinely so gripping it is an INCREDIBLE testament of writing. he has lost his leg to the white whale, his last crew mutinied against him for it, and now he feels abandoned by God and man, and is hell-bent on vengeance because it's the only thing he feels he can control anymore. for me personally, it's a Gripping representation of ptsd, and my disabled ass latched onto him Hard. look at this guy
character design courtesy of @pocketsizedquasar-3 's webcomic (which BTW if u ever want a trans antiracist comic adaptation, i highly recommend it, sahar is extremely fucking talented)
AND THEN. this guy's fucking second in command!!!! is Mr. Starbuck!!! the Most backbreakingly earnest, pious, desperately-needs-to-be-good-and-needed man you will ever meet in your life. men who are sopping wet dogs at all time. he is raised by a dynasty of whalers who have all died horribly at sea and treat themselves more like a religious brand than a family, so he is insane and repressed in ways that are unprecedented, but also he has the spine and heart to repeatedly defy God in order to follow his captain, even when it becomes increasingly clear that Ahab will not falter from his quest that is going to doom them all.
my pet FREAK (ahem. my two icons)
The White Whale, be it agent or principle, does not leave survivors, and starbuck damns everyone just to hold Ahab's hand one last time and look into his eyes.
(Starb also raises my eyebrows in trans ways bc at one point he refers to his own soul as a "she" and 👀👀👀hey what'd you mean by that pookie)
so we have fucking. a magnanimous force of a Captain who wields charisma like fire and rebukes god (and also adopts a traumatized kid and is so gentle with him) and his desperately kind, loyal second in command who lives to serve and gives up his god for this man. what was i supposed to do here.
they also do insane shit like threaten each other with the same gun and gently brush the hair from each other's eyes and say shit like "let me look into thine eye, it is better than to look into the eyes of God" and put their lives in each others hands but still don't fully trust each other, and man. i start making shit like 80k word documents
THE biggest tragedy of moby dick is that love is the thing that saves us, but if you can't be vulnerable enough to choose it, then you will drown. Ahab's relationship to the kiddo is something that makes him want to live, and he starts distancing himself because he feels so tied to his course. Even Starbuck flinches away from actually allowing himself to fully Know Ahab because he's so scared of what he will find on the inside. Ahab loses his best friend Fedallah (who Sahar pocketsizedquasar and I have essentially turned into an oc bc Melville was too racist to give him a personality) because he can't accept that Fedallah is right that Ahab alone won't be the sole victim of his chase.
at the end of it all, the end of 600 long, rambly pages, the White Whale is found, and the entire ship's crew drowns in less than one page because Ishmael can't bear to relive the tragedy any longer. he can't bear to tell the story any further. it's all over. go home.
:) my art of everyone else tangled in Ahab's whaling line because despite how much he thinks he alone is enough to die, it's Everyone Else Who Goes Down First.
anyways ghsldgkjdg the other characters of the story (re: ishmael and queequeg) are also worth brainrot; i mean, ishmael literally carves himself out of the narrative and makes Ahab the main character because he can't bear to be physically present in his own memories and queequeg is so full of longing for a home he feels he has changed too much to ever return to and so nestles himself amongst the skilled violence of a whale killer because its a life he can fit in and pip is driven mad by abandonment at the hands of vicious racism and feels fully split from his soul and only finds home again in the sanctitude of his mad captain so. yeah. lots of shit to be normal about here. im unfortunately just insane and had to get obsessed with the pairing with less than 30 works on ao3 and literally only like 2 where they kiss. god rest my soul
anywayslgkjdslkg thank you for asking this. i presume you anticipated a wordy ass reply so hopefully this wasn't too intimidating but! tysm. ily. getting you something from the gas station etc💙💙🐳enjoy dick
#moby dick#mobydick#starhab#lighthouseshepard#answered#mossy speaks#mossy RAMBLES. i tried to keep this short. this is the best i got#my art#also bc i brought show and tell (insane art i spent months on bc these guys are like wretched barbies to me)#if you um. can't tell. i was raised very protestant. so i feel normal about blasphemy and shame and religion
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Some thoughts on the first part of Canto 8
There seems to be something regarding Hong Lu "fading" as he stays in H Corp. I'm curious as to what that means; is it similar to how the literary Baoyu had his mind grow fogged after losing his jade?
Interesting to see that Baochai is openly arranged to Hong Lu even as Daiyu still lives. I'm curious as to how the story is going to change in regards to that.
"That day" seems like it's going to be extremely important to the Canto as a whole... Garion's massacre of the previous H Corp leaves its scars on everyone. The Kong family being destroyed and leaving Qiu an outcast, Hong Lu apparently not saving someone that Jia Huan cared about immensely, Hong Lu's own detached and futile opinion of the world... it really puts into perspective that Arbiters are always going to be a majorly traumatizing experience.
Hong Lu's father seems a lot more caring than his literary version's father. I guess that with Huan's own connections, he doesn't need to go through Hong Lu's family to get at him, he can just send his own assassins.
So, we're absolutely gonna get that drunken fist guy as one of next week's Identities, right? I'll hazard a guess and say that it's gonna be assigned to Meursault or maybe Faust or Ryoshu? He's a pretty clear Bleed Identity, so you have to factor that into things.
The Thumb rocking up just to antagonize Ryoshu raises some pretty interesting facts; it seems like most of the Fingers are unaware of the exact circumstances of what went down, given that the guy seems to think Ryoshu's daughter is still alive. Also, it seems like there's some weird shit going on in the Pinky based on Ryoshu's comment reacting to the guy talking about her... daddies? There seems to be some overlap between Fingers given how the guy seems to imply that he taught Ryoshu swordfighting. Also, I think we can nix the theory that only Sinners with metal name plates have fake names while ID cards have real names, given that he calls her Yoshihide.
I suspect that the abnormality egg that Huan brought to demonstrate his progress on the path to immortality belongs to the dragon abnormality that Hong Lu's Seasonal EGO originates from. That and Xue Pan having talisman-bearing corpses makes me think that the Seasonal abnormalities are gonna get set loose on us to fight.
I wonder what EGO suits are gonna be used by the rest of Hermann's faction? Huan seems to have something bee-related and Gubo clearly has a Fell Bullet EGO Suit, but I'm kinda curious as to what they'll give Nelly or Ahab, presuming Ahab lost her EGO along with her crew.
It's neat to see that Qiu seems to have collected some former Library Guests. I wonder if we're gonna get Identities or maybe just fight against the Night Awls and Jeong's Office?
I wonder what Qiu knows about Limbus Company, given how he seems weirdly informed about everything that goes on. Also I'm like 90% certain that he's gonna be the final boss.
I'm really excited to see how Hong Lu fucking Loses It and distorts, given how detached he seems from Daiyu.
Overall, it seems like there are going to be a lot of callbacks in this Canto. Garion's destruction of H Corp, the survivors of the Library, that one guy bringing in a Bloodbag... I can kinda see why Yin and Yang might be the inspirations for this Season's main EGO.
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