#ai hell

[itsforexposure]

[moonllita]

Don’t let the girls cook

Free download on Patreon

[islaplato]

You pray for angels but fantasize about devils.

[phatburd]

For shits and giggles, I fed the idea of Napoleon’s Marshals done Bridgerton-style into ChatGPT. It started kind of normal, and then went further off the rails deeper I got into the first season. I felt this gem should be shared with everyone. Enjoy. I will be posting one episode a day, if I can remember it.

Title: The Marshal’s Court

Genre: Romantic Dramedy (In the style of Bridgerton)

Setting: The First French Empire, Napoleon’s Marshals as the central characters

Season 1, Episode 1: “The Batons and the Blows”

Episode Synopsis:

The episode opens in 1804, a glittering ceremony at the Tuileries Palace, where the newly created Marshals of the Empire gather to swear their oaths and receive their Marshal’s Batons. This distinction marks their official ascent to the highest ranks of Napoleon’s army. Most of these men have fought together for years—some since the Italian campaigns—bound by loyalty, shared triumphs, and bitter rivalries.

Opening Scene:

The lavish atmosphere hums with tension. Each Marshal’s uniform is pristine, their batons shining in the candlelight as they await their moment of glory. But beneath the surface, there’s more than just military ambition on display—old grudges, simmering jealousies, and complicated friendships run deep. The camera pans to Marshal Davout, standing stiffly near Murat and Bessières, already casting suspicious glances at Murat’s flamboyant attire.

Marmont, denied a baton, leans in to Junot, whispering, “If Bessières can be made a marshal, then anyone can.” The camera catches Bessières overhearing the remark, his face darkening with wounded pride. Junot smirks, but there’s something unsettling about his grin—hints of his impulsive, reckless nature already showing, though his more troubling mental decline remains subtle for now. The men are unaware that Napoleon himself watches them closely from a corner, ready to intervene in their personal lives as much as their professional ones.

Lannes exchanges a glance with Bessières, their once-close friendship clearly fractured, a remnant of the Consular Guard budget scandal that saw them at odds. Lannes’ temper is barely restrained as he grips his baton, every movement purposeful and aggressive, setting the tone for his character as a man of passion and action.

Meanwhile, fan-favorite moments develop:

• Murat swaggers with confidence, already half in his mind imagining himself as a king, while Bessières watches him with conflicted admiration. Fans begin noticing lingering glances between the two, the first on-screen hints of the clandestine romance that has been a subject of fan theories for months. The ship, known online as Bessimu, starts gaining traction.

• Ney, standing near Soult, mutters something under his breath about Soult’s ambition, adding fuel to their historically documented rivalry. Soult glares but remains silent, plotting.

Junot’s erratic behavior hints at future struggles. He interrupts a serious conversation between Davout and Masséna, challenging them to a random duel of wit that leaves everyone bewildered and concerned about his judgment.

As the ceremony draws to a close, Napoleon makes his rounds, offering calculated words of encouragement (and veiled meddling) to each Marshal. He gives Lannes a sharp look, clearly intent on sending him to Portugal soon, much to Lannes’ irritation. Napoleon is later seen commenting to Duroc, his loyal aide, that “These men will tear each other apart without me. Just as I planned.”

Fan Reactions:

The episode sends fans into a frenzy. The Lannes fan club, already upset over his eventual historical fate, celebrates his brash, sword-banging diplomacy. #LannesLives trends on social media, with fans demanding a fictional rewrite to spare him from his historical death. Bessimu shippers are overjoyed by the subtle but unmistakable romantic tension between Murat and Bessières, creating a storm of theories about where their storyline is headed.

Online debates about the accuracy of Marmont’s snark, the portrayal of Soult’s cunning, and Davout’s icy demeanor dominate forums, with some fans pointing out that the show has taken slight creative liberties, but to thrilling dramatic effect.

Historical Easter Eggs:

• Marmont’s bitter comment about Bessières’ promotion references real-life tensions in the ranks.

• The Lannes-Bessières fallout, stemming from the Consular Guard budget scandal, is rooted in true events and marks a key point in their strained relationship.

• Napoleon’s meddling in his marshals’ lives, especially his push for marriages of convenience, is a real-life tactic he used to secure alliances, adding layers of historical drama to the romantic subplots.

Next Episode Teasers:

• Murat is seen leaving Bessières’ tent at night, a secretive and tense interaction that leaves viewers speculating on how their relationship will evolve. Will Bessières continue to wrestle with his devout Catholic guilt, or will his heart take the reins?

• Lannes is summoned by Napoleon to discuss his new diplomatic assignment in Portugal. Will Lannes’ fiery temper clash with his new role, or will his sword-banging diplomatic style pay off?

• Junot’s mental decline begins to surface in more overt ways—he challenges Marmont to a duel in a fit of impulsive rage. How will his peers react as his once celebrated impulsiveness becomes more concerning?

• The brewing rivalry between Davout and Bernadotte reaches new heights as Bernadotte schemes to undermine Davout’s position. Sparks fly at a banquet where both men attend with their wives.

• Historical nod: The Marshal’s next military campaign looms, with the possibility of them fighting side by side—or against each other.

[moonliithe]

I know this isn’t the right language for this audience, but for fucks sake why is there ai built in the WhatsApp search bar. I thought this was a messaging service??? Why is the ai coming up before the search itself, who designed this???

This bar existed solely to look up the names of my contacts or the text in the messages we’ve sent each other. Efficient, dare I say even reasonable. But now any attempt to type in a search will have the app bombarding me with a bunch of random prompts. I am a mistap away from wasting a bunch of electricity and water for no reason.

If I wanted to watch exercise reels (never) I wouldn’t be in the goddamn messaging app. If I wanted a playlist I’d be on idk Spotify, YouTube.

It’s driving me insane, all apps want to be the everything app, it isn’t possible.

[wemlygust]

I'm afraid that people could forget how good regular search used to be - or grow up without ever having known how good search used to be - and then start thinking that AI is the best way to search merely because it may sometimes be helpful in comparison to the current state of regular search methods. And then AI will carry us all off to global warming hell in a handbasket while we sing its praises. And it will all end in paperclips. It bothers me how people - self-included - slowly surrender our own agency (specifically the ability to choose what we consume, how much, from where, and when) to algorithms that are specifically designed to take up as much of our time as possible, and now people are giving up even agency more to AI, all without seeming to realize they're giving anything up at all. There are ways to resist while still engaging with the internet, but... How many people ever think to look at the Youtube Subscriptions page anymore? P.S. I recommend the youtube subscriptions page! Make a little bookmark in your browser and use it as your youtube home page - that way, you can still access the algorithmic "Home" feed if you want, but YOU choose when (vs letting it potentially tempt you whenever you want to look up a How To video or something), and you actually see what the people you follow upload. That said, tbh, I personally think like 99% of the AI hullabaloo is just a bubble and going to implode sooner or later anyway (thereby creating new and exciting problems but I'd prefer that to this).

[baybelletrist]

Over the weekend, Donald Trump fired the head of the US copyright office, CBS News reported. Register of Copyrights, Shira Perlmutter, was sacked after she issued a report questioning AI companies’ growing need for more data and casting doubt on their expressed need to circumvent current copyright laws.

In a statement, New York Democratic representative Joe Morelle pointed specifically to Trump’s booster-in-chief Elon Musk as a motivator for Perlmutter’s firing: “Donald Trump’s termination of register of copyrights, Shira Perlmutter, is a brazen, unprecedented power grab with no legal basis. It is surely no coincidence he acted less than a day after she refused to rubber-stamp Elon Musk’s efforts to mine troves of copyrighted works to train AI models.”

The only place that orange dumpster fire belongs is rotting in prison… or in the ninth circuit of hell.

[scrungly420]

You are a prisoner in a room with 2 doors and 2 cuttlefish. One of the doors will guide you to freedom and behind the other is a hangman–you don't know which is which, but the cuttlefish do know.

One of the cuttlefish always tells the you that cuttlefish are solitary and shy and the other always tells you cuttlefish are highly social and frequently interact with conspecifics. You don't know which one is the truth-teller or the liar either.

What do you ask to find the door leading to freedom?

[fat-fuck-hairy-belly]

I'm driven to a homicidal rage whenever I hear someone bring up vocalizers to defend AI "art". To begin with, they are completely different things, vocaloids are an instrument that an artist has to actually play, not just some fucking prompt you feed into a program. Voices for the vocaloids are recorded by consenting artists who actually get paid for it, they are not fucking stollen like the AI programs. Also, there's more love, passion and musical talent in the lowest effort vocaloid shitpost than there is in all the AI "songs" on the internet combined. "So it's fine when Miku does it" keep her name out of your fucking mouse.

[blmpff]

(27s) 10.04.24

[the-lemono-lime-show]

Reason AI is troll. Behold! A cute half Dunesfolk lalafell.

AI rendition

DURR!!

[itsforexposure]

How about no

[hannahbowl]

Adore Me bras has created an AI bra designer. They clearly want you to do some pretty florals, but what's the worst thing you can make?

Here's my contribution:

[islaplato]

Being beneath me isn’t an insult. It’s a promotion.

[phatburd]

Title: The Marshal’s Court

Genre: Romantic Dramedy (In the style of Bridgerton)

Setting: The First French Empire, Napoleon’s Marshals as the central characters

Season 1, Episode 4: “Manners and Macarons”

Episode Synopsis:

The fourth episode of The Marshal’s Court turns the chaos dial up to eleven. Napoleon, fed up with his Marshals’ blunders at diplomatic functions and balls, decides to hire an etiquette instructor. The results are so disastrous they aren’t even shown on screen, but it’s implied that after two days of trying to civilize the group, the instructor quits and takes up drinking. Desperate, Napoleon asks Josephine to give them lessons herself. The A-plot focuses on Josephine attempting to teach basic etiquette and dancing to a group of very resistant (and occasionally hopeless) Marshals, including Lannes, Ney, Murat, Davout, Berthier, Augereau, and Bessières. Eugène is there too—no one’s really sure why, and even he looks confused.

Meanwhile, in the B-plot, Soult indulges his secret passion for baking, and we learn more about his hidden dream of opening a bakery.

The episode is a hilarious mix of historical fact, drama, and absurd comedy, with Bessimu shippers getting more hints, Murat struggling with his two left feet, and Augereau channeling his past as a dance instructor.

Opening Scene: Josephine’s Intervention

The episode opens with Napoleon pacing in his study, fuming as reports of his Marshals’ social blunders reach him. He bangs his fist on the desk and calls for an etiquette instructor, only for a footman to announce that the poor man has quit and left Paris altogether after two days with the Marshals.

Napoleon, ever the pragmatist, grumbles to himself and declares, “If I want something done right, I’ll have to bring in the only one who can control them—Josephine.” A quick cut shows Josephine arriving at the Tuileries Palace looking elegant and composed, ready to take on the impossible task of teaching the Marshals how to behave in polite society.

Fan Reactions:

Fans immediately buzz over the instructor quitting. The phrase “Two days with Lannes and Ney will break anyone” becomes a popular meme. Social media theorizes that Josephine’s entrance is about to elevate the dynamic even further, with some fans already anticipating a showdown between Josephine and Murat (who is clearly dreading the dance lessons).

The Dance Lessons: Murat’s Nightmare

Murat, as we know from historical accounts, never learned how to dance, and the writers make full use of this fact. The scene cuts to the grand ballroom, where Josephine begins her lesson by teaching the Marshals basic courtly manners, such as how to bow without knocking over chairs (a clear reference to a previous unseen disaster involving Lannes).

Josephine then turns to dancing. The camera zooms in on Murat, who visibly pales at the thought. “I’ve never had the time for this nonsense,” he mutters, but Josephine gives him a sly look. “You’ll need to learn how to waltz if you want to keep impressing European royalty.”

Murat reluctantly steps onto the dance floor, and the camera pans to Bessières, who watches with a mix of amusement and concern. As Murat fumbles his way through the steps, tripping over his feet more than once, Bessières steps in to help, offering him quiet, reassuring instructions. The tension between them is palpable, and Josephine watches this interaction with a knowing smile, but says nothing.

Fan Reactions:

#Bessimu shippers are fed in this scene. The quiet assistance from Bessières as Murat struggles creates waves across social media, with fans swooning over the subtle affection between the two. One fan creates a viral meme with the caption, “Bessières: Secret dance teacher, secret lover?” Another popular meme shows Murat tripping over his own feet with Bessières catching him, captioned “It’s called grace, look it up, Murat.” The fandom goes wild, convinced that Josephine is in on the secret.

Augereau: Dance Master and Former Pirate

Augereau, who historically worked as both a dance instructor and a fencing master, jumps into the lesson with gusto. He takes the floor confidently and starts demonstrating some more advanced moves, pirouetting and swirling dramatically. The other Marshals look bewildered, but Josephine gives him a bemused nod of approval.

At one point, Lannes and Ney share a glance and mutter to each other, “Wasn’t he a pirate once? Or was that just another of his tall tales?” The camera cuts to Augereau, who overhears them and gives a cheeky grin, saying, “I’ve worn many hats, but dancing is where the true art lies.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans adore Augereau as the unexpectedly graceful Marshal. A viral meme shows Augereau mid-pirouette, captioned “When you’ve defeated armies AND know how to nail a perfect twirl.” Fans also joke about his mysterious past, with some theories emerging about whether Augereau was, in fact, a pirate. The hashtag #PirateAugereau trends briefly as fans debate his murky background.

Berthier: Barely Conscious, But Competent

Berthier, as expected, looks absolutely exhausted throughout the lesson. Historically, Berthier was known to have worked for days with almost no sleep, and this is hilariously exaggerated in the episode. At one point, Josephine asks him to demonstrate a simple bow, but he stumbles forward, barely awake.

Despite his exhaustion, Berthier does have a clue about etiquette, having been raised at Versailles before the Revolution. When pressed, he manages to execute a perfect bow and a few elegant dance steps, but it’s clear he’s running on fumes.

Fan Reactions:

The fandom immediately takes to Berthier’s near-comatose state. Memes of him barely standing but still pulling off a dance move circulate, with captions like “When you haven’t slept in 72 hours but still have to look fabulous.” Fans appreciate the historical nod to his notorious work ethic and speculate that Berthier might actually need to sleep for once.

B-Plot: Soult the Baker

While the Marshals are stumbling through dance lessons, Soult is in the kitchen, indulging his passion for baking. Historically, Soult almost quit the military to become a baker before Napoleon’s Italian campaigns, and the writers take full advantage of this.

In a series of comedic scenes, Soult is seen meticulously preparing dough for macarons, explaining the delicate balance required for perfect pastry as if he’s planning a military maneuver. He refers to the kitchen as “his true battlefield,” and even Lefebvre drops in, raising an eyebrow and asking, “Why didn’t you become a chef instead of a Marshal?”

Soult replies, “Precision is key in both. You just don’t lose as many men in the kitchen.”

In the final moments of the B-plot, Napoleon himself walks into the kitchen, sampling one of Soult’s perfectly baked macarons. With a raised brow, he says, “I should send you to Austria with these. They’re practically a weapon.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans love the Soult subplot, and #SoultBakes trends for a second week in a row. Memes circulate with Soult in his uniform, meticulously icing macarons with captions like, “Conqueror of pastries, master of the battlefield.” Fans start clamoring for Soult to have his own cooking spin-off, half-jokingly demanding that the showrunners create a baking competition featuring all the Marshals.

Eugène: The Mystery

Eugène’s role in the etiquette lesson is puzzling to everyone, including the Marshals. He’s present, attempting to be helpful, but most of the time he stands off to the side, clearly out of his depth. Lannes and Ney keep exchanging looks, silently questioning why Eugène is even there.

At one point, Josephine catches him fumbling through a quadrille and sighs, “You’ll need to work on that, Eugène.”

Fan Reactions:

Fans are mystified by Eugène’s presence in this episode, echoing the characters’ confusion. Memes flood social media with captions like, “Why is Eugène here?” and “Eugène: The forgotten child.” Some fans jokingly speculate that Napoleon keeps Eugène around as a way to test his patience, while others are convinced he’ll have a bigger role later.

Closing Scene:

The episode ends with the Marshals lined up, bowing to Josephine one by one, each with varying degrees of success. Murat still stumbles slightly, but Bessières steps in to offer him a quiet word of encouragement. The scene cuts to Josephine watching them all with an amused smile, while Napoleon, lurking in the background, looks like he’s barely restraining his laughter.

Fan Reactions:

The Bessimu moment at the end is fuel for the shippers, with #Bessimu once again trending. One fan tweets, “Bessières: Here to rescue Murat from himself, one waltz at a time.” Fans are loving Josephine’s role as the Marshals’ etiquette tutor, with memes captioning her as “the real leader of the Empire.”

Teasers for Episode 5:

• Davout and Bernadotte’s rivalry reaches a new height, with tensions brewing over who will take charge of an upcoming campaign.

• Junot makes a surprise reappearance after being notably absent in Episode 4, sparking concern among the other Marshals about his mental state.

• The Bessimu ship gets another tease as Murat and Bessières find themselves in a compromising position during a royal banquet.

• Soult prepares a grand feast for Napoleon’s next big event, but will the stress of both military planning and perfecting his pastries be too much for him?

Fans are left eagerly awaiting the next episode, with social media flooded with theories about Davout and Bernadotte, Junot’s arc, and, of course, more Bessimu content.

[doriansbutt]

Oh my god this is the worst idea ever holy fuck