#alexander technique stretch and breath classes

[bloodybells1]

ON SCORDATURA

When I was eighteen, I was really into heavy metal and had been practicing the electric guitar for four years. I was devoted to music theory and looked up to guitarists like Steve Vai. I played loudly and fast, emulating the popular style of playing when heavy metal was at its apex of popularity. You might say that I was a “shredder.” 

My passion for technique took an unexpected turn, however, when I became fascinated by the classical guitar. I don’t exactly remember when it hit me, the inspiration to explore this type of playing. It might’ve been born from reading the name of Andres Segovia in the magazine interviews of my favorite guitarists. (Also, I listened to a lot of Jethro Tull, and the intro to one of his songs is a quotation of a popular classical guitar score by Bach, the “Bourée in E Minor.” I started teaching it to myself by ear, but soon realized I needed help adjusting to the new technique). 

One day I made the decision that I wanted to take the plunge into the classical world. I purchased a cheap nylon string, looked for a tutor and, once I found one in Chapel Hill, NJ, I started taking lessons and practicing every day.

I was enthralled by the new possibilities in this style of playing. I was discovering a wealth of textures and styles I’d had no previous idea about. My parents had not listened to classical music, so all of this was foreign to me. But I fell in love with the genre all the same.

I loved how old this practice was, how its provenance dated back to before there was electricity. I loved the deceptive simplicity of paper scores, how the mere act of sight-reading might open up varied worlds of expression, limited only by the player’s willingness to learn the technique and the player’s ability to perform.

My tutor included Renaissance lute scores in his homework for me. These scores contained instructions for alternative tuning arrangements of the strings. This changes the whole grid of the fretboard. Each string has been tightened or loosened to different notes, so all the note relationships are changed. If you wanted to play the same material you would have to relearn it with new fingerings. 

But that wasn’t the point. The scordatura was designed to make available new sonorities. These lute pieces dating back to the Renaissance had a “harpier” texture, with open notes ringing out in different keys and mixtures of notes in registers I didn’t often hear in guitar music with traditional tuning. It was rather exotic, like the simple act of turning a screw on a taut string had turned this plain old Spanish guitar into some new, esoteric instrument.

My experience with classical guitar, and specifically the scordatura my tutor taught me, was a factor later in life when I played bass guitar professionally in the mid 2000’s. Not only do I think that it made me flexible enough to feel confident learning to play another stringed instrument, but it also influenced my tuning. I utilized what’s called Drop D tuning, a simple type of scordatura that lowers the heaviest string by two notes. It gives you two extra lower notes you wouldn’t normally have with the standard tuning—where the lowest note is E. 

Heavy metal guitarists love this tuning because of how much heavier it makes the music sound and because it ends up making power chord configurations a one-finger job instead of two, and you can play those heavy power chord riffs much more quickly with just one finger. 

Drop D was useful to me, however, because of how it enabled me to interact with the songwriting. My band’s music was dark and a lot of the songs were in D minor. So having a lower D available permitted me to create pedal tones and deeper support functions for chords and textures that were already using that scale a lot. It added depth and character to the music because of this sort of flexible shadow figure moving around underneath the guitars and the keyboards.

I had a profound experience with scordatura later in 2014, while I was in acting school. One of our school productions was a kind of fantasia on Nabokov’s Pale Fire. The novel is already a bit of a fantasia itself, so the production was very post-modern. 

The director, Alex Harvey, staged it brilliantly. One of his ideas was that my character would play passages on the piano between scenes. The score was from a series called Revelation by composer Michael Harrison. 

Harrison had contrived a bespoke scordatura for the score. An assistant, a specialist who could interpret unconventional concert pieces like these, was hired to transform the school’s simple upright Yamaha, an instrument more often used as accompaniment for students singing from the American Songbook, into a piece of avant-garde machinery. 

I had already begun learning some of the passages before the piano had been prepared. They sounded ok, but not extraordinary. Once the tuner was finished and the specific tuning had been accomplished, however, I began learning the pieces in earnest and it was, well, it was a revelation. 

Harrison’s scordatura was wild. Some keys adjacent to each other were tuned only fractionally sharper than their predecessor on the keyboard, thereby creating a tonal cloud or wash between the two that sounded a little like an untuned guitar, but in a shimmery, beautiful way. Other keys were tuned a whole fifth from their predecessor, thereby jumping up very far between two adjacent keys. The two extremities canceled each other out to create a distinct sense of balance and harmony, a kind of timbral mist floating in the ether. 

As I worked on the score I had a sense that I didn’t know what was happening. It was difficult for me to anticipate and conceptualize the piano with this exotic construction. Yet, reading through the score and performing it, the idea was actualized. A whole new musical sensibility was borne out of this tuning. It was thrilling to put into action such a strange and beautiful arrangement.

What would a trumpet sound like if one could alternate its tuning? It’s a ridiculous notion: it would require bending metal, destroying the instrument in the process. Scordatura is likewise impossible for woodwinds. Ditto, percussion. A timpani, the most obvious exception, is in fact quite flexible and can even be tuned during performance. The percussionist puts their ear to the skin and lightly taps so as to enable them to change the tuning without disturbing the performance of other orchestra members. But you can’t do that with, say, tubular bells.

Stringed instruments and the piano are different than all the other instruments. The oscillators, the strings themselves, are adjustable. Coupled with the fact of their polyphony, it’s plain why these instruments, especially the piano, are so popular. They are great adapters. They can be brought back to their mean and reset for future use in other circumstances. The ubiquity of these instruments, across genres, in barrooms and conservatories alike, is explained by their ability to avail themselves. 

And what about the voice? How supple are the cords? Can they be stretched or loosened like the strings of a guitar? Is there a scordatura possible for the human vocal mechanism?

It’s debatable: vocal training, primarily through work in breathing, does fortify ones range by bolstering the lower and upper parts of the register with more support. But your vocal cords are your vocal cords. Even on a guitar, you can’t detune the strings too much. It affects the timbre: the fretboard is designed with a natural state of tension and that string that is being detuned is only thick enough to perform in a certain range before the slackening of the string makes it flap against the fretboard—or before the tightening warps the fretboard. 

Vocal cords are similar in this way. Just like with a guitar, once you start “detuning” your voice, you invite corruption of the sound. Your voice cracks when you try to go too low. 

When Olivier tackled Othello he tried to lower his voice through vocal training. Obviously, considering all of the other garish and offensive effects—the blackface, the funny walk, the stupid dialect—he should’ve known better than to engage in minstrelsy, but he also should’ve known about the corruption of his voice. Not all instruments have that level of flexibility. 

He should’ve known that not everything is available. 

What about the human being itself? Can it be construed as an instrument? one that might likewise permit a certain scordatura? 

My feeling is that in this case the change is permanent. And, like with a trumpet, one risks destruction. The human being is not a stringed instrument. 

I can attest to a certain kind of “permanent” scordatura of the body and mind. It was possible for me to “detune” myself, but it was a commitment to a new state. I won’t ever be able to “go back” to my original tuning. It involved deep structural shifts and I came close to collapse—and in fact did collapse—many times. The instrument—the body and the mind—was constantly at risk of crumbling and warping under the stress of the transformation. Slackening a string is one thing. Shortening or elongating a valve is another. 

What is therapy but a type of spiritual scordatura? The patient comes in with a limitation in place and leaves with that “bar” set somewhere else. Thresholds are repositioned. Pain that was once unbearable can be stomached. New life experiences are   permitted because the mind has been opened to their possibilities. It is a fact that the change is permanent, but after we recognize the evolution we would never want to “detune” back to where we were. 

I have a long history with therapy and it is without question the source of all of the appetite for change that I’ve experienced. In teaching me about healing, it motivated me to seek out other forms of healing. I credit it with helping me gain acceptance to the prestigious MFA program in Acting which I entered in 2012 at NYU, the beginning of three years wherein this process of permanent scordatura would be hastened. 

I had many illnesses. Some would find treatment through the program’s vast assortment of exercise techniques addressing body misalignment and spiritual imbalance. Yoga classes, Feldenkrais, Alexander technique, chakra work, these were all deployed to “tune” the bodies in class. 

Voice and speech exercises as well helped bring awareness of lifelong limits, expressed through the mouth and in the breath. It was unnerving to encounter these intimate facts about how one walks, how one talks, how one moves, how one breathes. 

Most people would never submit themselves to this level of scrutiny. A fellow alumnus with additional experience in the military often jokes that an MFA at NYU Grad Acting is actually more oppressive than boot camp because at least in boot camp you let your anger and hostility grant you relief—you can growl and yawp and hunch over and adapt to battlefields—whereas actors, despite undergoing similar rounds of abuse, must look smooth and collected and relaxed in order to perform well on stage. It really was a double whammy of having my being constantly interrogated in various invasive manners, all while being denied any permission to sublimate the tension.  

I had my own motivations to undergo this training. I was desperate to have a classical training in the theatre. But I was also subconsciously motivated towards healing. Despite the horrors of these ordeals, the modalities that are therewith deployed are part of a healing experience that, having undergone them, I wouldn’t trade for anything. Had I known what I was getting myself into beforehand, I don’t know that I would’ve jumped in the pool. But I’m glad I didn’t know because I cherish the experience.

I had a problem with keeping my mouth only partially open which our singing teacher was constantly bringing my attention towards. She had taught me that this was a defense mechanism, a strategy of containment, a means of keeping the world from having access to my heart. (Of course, keeping your mouth closed is also a problem for sound projection on stage, but that’s more technical). 

During one afternoon class, singing “Lonely Room” from Oklahoma, I broke down into tears as the teacher kept coaxing me to open my mouth more and more. There I was, a man pushing 40, with tears streaming down his eyes, opening his mouth wide, not even singing the words, just the vowels, but doing something that was so psychically threatening, something that I could never bring myself to do, something simple, like opening a mouth. The limit had been expanded.

There was an element of bodily restructuring to all of this as well. I had done a number on my body during those years of my professional musicianship, when I toured the world in a famous band. And so by this point, I was aware that a shift was needed from the effects of years spent in front of cameras and abusing drugs and traveling and losing sleep. Alice Miller’s book, The Body Keeps the Score, is instructive in this regard. Somatization of traumas explain a great deal of certain physical ailments. In my case, they played out structurally, on my bones and on my muscles and in my central nervous system. 

These changes are subtle to the layperson. But they are profound for the student. When I look at how I held my body in old photos, it is obvious to me that there was something wrong. On the stage, with a heavy instrument hanging from my shoulder, it wasn’t perceptible. The lights and the postures have a way of masking the truth. But in the more candid and private shots—the Polaroids and the exposures from my disposable camera which my friends and I took in our apartments—I see evidence of a lot of tension. Shoulders crept upwards towards my ears; chest muscles held; an exploded solar plexus; a chin pointing up. It was a mixture of a lot of holding, a lot of somatization in the fibers, with a learned posture organized to communicate the persona I wanted everyone to see: a demiurge or rockstar. 

I came into grad school as though off an assembly line, where the factory had riveted and hammered onto my body and psyche its lessons. It was a capitalistic factory but it was also a societal one, one that bore the hallmarks of the dogged problems which elude solution: childhood trauma, dog-eat-dog meritocracy, bullying, etc. 

So now I was this product getting recalled, but I was going to another factory for refurbishment. One that also had rivets and hammers, but ones which were designed to break open the right parts.

I stretched and stretched. By the end of the three years I was essentially exiting with a new body. The myth about the seven year cellular regeneration in one’s body is instructive here. For it truly was the case that new grooves in my brain and muscular and skeletal patterns had taken hold. One of my teachers said during my final evaluation that I had come in to school looking like a clothes hangar with legs but that I now looked graceful. 

Even my scoliosis—a condition I was born with and which I will contend with for the rest of my life—was discovered in acting school. I had had no idea about it before one of the teachers told me that I persisted in leaning downwards to my right. My spine curves in the shape of a sidewards C. It’s a genetic condition. Of course, hanging a ten-pound instrument off my shoulder and letting the weight pull me down to the ground so that I could look cool every night didn’t really help either.

The modalities in the movement and vocal training classes in acting school are designed to build awareness and flexibility in the body and the mind. The purpose of this is to permit the actor to be resilient enough on stage so as to be present and believable. So it has a practical purpose and a real-world application. 

I had other problems which these modalities could not fix, but which their steady application, encouraging honesty and reflection, revealed. There were addictions and mental illness issues which I’d had no idea about before entering grad school but which were inflamed by the pressure inside. I then had to deal with them. Immediately, since they threatened the goal of getting my MFA. 

The cocaine abuse of my years in the music industry haunted me in the form of paralyzing panic attacks and circadian disruptions which complicated my ability to perform in school. The years spent pursuing rampant and anonymous sexual congress created inappropriate obsessiveness with orgasms and romance. Naturally, given that my peers were all considerably younger than I was, this last part wasn’t all that abnormal. But it interfered nonetheless. I was no spring chicken but I was acting like one. I had to double down on sex addiction meetings and on therapy.

It all came to a head inside the cloistered walls of the conservatory. It came to a head when Alex Harvey, the director of the Nabokov rendition, had to massage my shoulders backstage as I collapsed in tears during one of many nervous breakdowns. It came to a head when in a movement class, during an unfamiliar physical exploration, an early painful memory of abandonment that had long been forgotten had been recalled and sent me to the floor sobbing. 

I’m grateful that I had the means to address the issues. I had to juggle that with the demands of the curriculum. It was not easy. But I’m proud of my accomplishment and I’m proud of the new person this all made me become.

It is possible to “detune.” I think a better way of looking at it is “retuning.” It is a permanent scordatura and it therefore should not be taken lightly.

[hazzabeeforlou]

I’ve had many private conversations about Louis’ singing voice and his live performances. Being a musician, I’m not blind to his faults, though I love him and his voice dearly, I love his tone, his passion, the empathy he can project. I don’t love his pitch or breath control. But what has baffled me about this the last few years is that, though he’s improved, his younger, early 1D voice seemed more flawless. Think “Valerie.” Think those harmonies the boys did live... fucking brilliant. And yes it’s a different animal to go solo, and he smokes now, but. BUT. Voices come into maturation at Louis’ present age, and his should have improved way more than it has, especially with a devoted voice coach and ample time. My first thought, and it’s partly true I believe, is that stress and grief have contributed to a lot of tension in him. You see your whole body vibrates when you sing, and if you’re tight, it’s like plucking a rubber band stretched too taut: it won’t vibrate. Also your diaphragm needs to be malleable. Your posture grounded but not stiff. And as I’m going through this mental checklist of all the Alexander technique classes I’ve been through as a musician, all the times a SINGLE muscle being tight hindered my technique in a massive way, I finally realized. Louis’ tension problems started when he was no longer allowed to move flamboyantly. When they stifled the easy fluidity with which he moved on stage; his graceful arms, his swaying hips. When the boy from Grease, from club GAY, was made to stride instead of prance, to hand gesture and point instead of bend his wrists. You have no idea the incredible tension that comes with going against your natural performance instincts. How holding your hips unnaturally sends a whole ridigity through your spine, to your neck... how that tension translates to your shoulders, and to your vocal chords. Anyways I’m just... I’m just mad. Because it’s so obvious, it’s been there from the start and I just never NOTICED before that he holds so much tension in his performance movements, the choreography he’s allowed to present. He’s not free to prance around, or to move instinctively, or naturally... he’s not free.

[juniperpublishers-yoga]

Research on Yoga: Still a Long Way to Go| Juniper publishers Juniper Publishers-Juniper Publishers- Journal of Yoga and Physiotherapy Mini Review Research on Yoga: Still a Long Way to Go Pamela Siegel* and Nelson Filice de Barros Department of medical Sciences, University of Campinas, Brazil Submission: March 14, 2017; Published: April 03, 2017 *Corresponding author: Pamela Siegel, Department of medical Sciences, 1 and 2 Lapacis- Laboratory for Alternative, Complementary and Integrative Practices in Health, Faculty of Medical Sciences, State University of Campinas, Brazil, Email: gfusp@mpc.com.br How to cite this article: Pamela S, Nelson F d B.Research on Yoga: Still a Long Way to Go. J Yoga & Physio. 2016; 1(3) : 555561. DOI:10.19080/JYP.2016.01.555561 Introduction If a researcher enters the key word "yoga" into the search field of the Pubmed website, the outcome will be the opening of a drop box containing the following 19 yoga classifications: yoga therapy, yoga stress, pain yoga, yoga low back, yoga anxiety, yoga depression, yoga cancer, effects yoga, yoga pregnancy, yoga back, yoga heart, effect yoga, yoga chronic, yoga diabetes, yoga breathing, yoga children, yoga mental, yoga cardiovascular, hatha yoga and yoga breast. On March 7th of the current year, the Pubmed displayed 3858 articles on yoga. Definitely, yoga has become a synonym for the practice of physical postures, or one of the many types of hatha yoga, such as: ViniYoga, Shiva, Ashtanga Vinyasa/Power, Iyengar and Gathashtha [1], although from a North-American perspective McCall [2] mentions a few others such as: Bikram/Hot Yoga, Kripalu, Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy, Anusara, Kundalini, Integral, Tantra and Gym Yoga, applied to 50 health problems [3]. However, nowadays, most practitioners cannot even mention the 10 ethical principles of yoga: the yamas and niyamas [4], laid down by Patanjali in his Yoga Sutras. Singleton [5] considers the expansion of modern postural yoga as an expression of a transnational physical culture revival and illustrates his train of thought with the main schools of physical culture, such as Harmonial Gymnastics, created by Mollie Bagot Stack in England before the Second World War, or German Gymnastik released by Hede Kallmeyer and the work of Alexander Lowen. What catches the eye is that most scientific articles don’t describe exactly the sequences of the postures, or the duration of each one, let alone the exact breathing exercises, mudras and mantras taught in the yoga sessions. Additionally, if yoga is supposed to comprise a healthy lifestyle, most articles don’t even mention the practitioners’ behavior: if they changed their diet, left smoking, drinking alcohol and using drugs once they started practicing yoga. Furthermore, most researches published on yoga contemplate the effect of physical postures and breathing upon a certain illness, disease or mental state. Little or nothing at all is said about the social effect of yoga: the sociability produced by a group practice. The search for "yoga and sociability" in the Pubmed yielded only two articles: one study applied yoga to a residential behavioural health unit [6], the other to psychotic patients [7]. Likewise, research papers on yoga do not analyze the setting in which the yoga classes take place. Nevrin [8] considers that the environment of the yoga practice shapes the individual experience. Some practitioners prefer the use of Sanskrit words, incense, candles, Hindu attributes and decoration, the use of devotional mantras, etc., that evoke feelings and emotions, while others prefer choreographed poses without any mystical attributes. The social environment of the yoga studios also plays a role in that practitioners chat and exchange experiences. All these factors may induce behavioral change and develop a so- called yogic way of being. Interestingly, other different types of yoga, like Bhakti (yoga of devotion), Jnana (yoga of wisdom acquired from the sacred texts) or Karma (yoga of impersonal service) are not studied at all. It is as though traditional yoga’s main purpose to reach mystical and spiritual states has simply been left out of the research themes. The question arises, then, if yoga practices for the purpose of reaching these spiritual states should be considered as a health issue or if they should be allotted to the area of the science of religion. Pattabhi Jois, in an interview to Anderson [9], insisted that what he called the philosophy of yoga be understood by the practitioners. Without the philosophy, a yoga practice would be reduced to a stretching or fitness session. Lastly, it is noteworthy that most papers on yoga are authored by North-American, European or Indian researchers, and there is a complete void of Central and South American researchers in this field. As regards the methodology, very few articles use qualitative techniques. Conclusion There are many aspects of yoga which have been left out of research in the health field. Yoga must be looked upon as a complete practice with its ethical, philosophical, social and physical components. For more Journals in Juniper Publishers please click on https://juniperpublishers.com/index.php For more articles in  Journal of Yoga and Physiotherapy please click on https://juniperpublishers.com/jyp/index.php

[thebrochtuarachs]

Gotham’s Writing Workshop: Week 7 - Woe is All I Possess

Hello awesome people in the Outlander universe! 

A/N: This is my first Outlander fic that I am posting in the world wide web. I am very nervous about this but I am rather empowered by @gotham-ruaidh‘s writing challenge and encouragement, everyone’s work as well in this exercise, so I decided to jump the gun. I wrote this in what is a rather dull work day today, so thanks to that I was able to write this short story. I hadn’t had anyone else see or proofread this before posting this, haven’t written (or even practiced writing) any fic in years so I am rusty at this - so all mistakes are mine and any comments/suggestions/violent reactions for improvement are most welcome. :) . 

Woe is All I Possess

I was sitting in my desk, hacking through another edit on my book – a second of a trilogy about the Jacobites and the 45’ Rising. I’ve been at this the since three in the afternoon and I permitted myself to some well-deserved break. I put my pencil down, stretched my neck and grabbed my whisky from the coaster to my left.

The room was dark, except for the small light emanating from the lamp in my table and the clock’s ticking sound echoed around the room. I used to not notice it but now, its sound brings me dread and puts me in a trance with my thoughts. It was reminding me of my life passing by without really me really living it followed by a punch in the gut of the emptiness I suddenly felt in my soul.

I found him. Him. The man who my wife loves, the man who fathered her child.

I hadn’t meant to look or find him. Why would I? As far as I know, he asked Claire to forget him, I asked Claire to forget him and opening that door would just be tempting fate even more. But at the arrival of Colonel Hal Grey’s journals in my office - a gift from one of my Harvard colleagues in the hope that it will help in providing more insight in my book – had changed everything. 

I had seen his name in his logs and what happened to him immediately after the war. The first entry mentioned him being sent home to the highlands with a grave injury, after that, curiosity got the better of me and I fell down the rabbit hole - chasing him through every note and paper trail I could locate - and now I know where he is. Ten years after the Battle of Culloden, I am certain that James Alexander Malcolm Makenzie Fraser is alive.

Should I tell Claire? It’s the question I’ve been asking myself back and forth for the last hour and a half. I remembered how crazy she ran through Reverend Wakefield’s books in the library hoping to find a sliver of his existence in the aftermath. If she knew of these documents currently in my possession, I have no doubt that she’ll run back to Scotland, take Bree with her, and find him without giving it second thought on what the state of his life is now. If she didn’t, she’d continue to live her and Bree’s life with me where everything is settled and familiar. Call it selfish, but I would say that I’m the latter option that looks like the lesser ”win-win” situation for the both of us – even if it mean probably living half a life forever. 

Answering that, the next question I had is can I live with my selfish choice?

In choosing to be a historian, I thought that the details of the past meant the studying of lives lived and knowing their story to teach and educate the present – whether it’s for the influence of the good or the prevention of the bad. Moreover, accepting the consequences of history was at the inspection and discretion of the now and was never meant to directly touch. 

However, thirteen years ago, history decided to play on my fortune. It took my wife, to her back two hundred years, to a time closest to my academic heart  and expertise, only to return three years later, married and in love with another man and pregnant with a child that was supposed to be born and live in the 18th century.

With accepting Claire back came with a blessing and, if I was really going to be honest with myself, a curse. 

Bree was an unexpected blessing in my life. I never thought I’d be able to love someone so wholly who was not my own flesh and blood and yet, the moment I held her in my arms, she crept her way to my heart. I could not, even for the all the hurt I feel, consider Bree a mistake but rather the complete opposite as she is the only one that keeps me going nowadays. 

On the other hand, with her here, I was given a direct, tangible, and living reminder of the past – Claire’s past. Every movement Bree makes, every milestone she surpasses, every flicker of the eyes or toss of the hair, Claire would see him and weep. 

One night, I came home late and decided to check on Bree before heading to our bedroom. I opened the door softly and saw Claire hunched over a sleeping Bree who nestled herself in the protective shield of her mother. With her elbows propped and her back to me, Claire didn’t seem to notice or feel my presence. I observed them for a while – hoping to make a sweet memory of my girls. 

She was just looking at her, memorizing, caressing her hair away from her face and suddenly I saw her brush her hand through her nape that I knew would elicit a drowsy smile from Bree just as I discovered a few years ago. Claire gave a sad chuckle and said “Oh, you’re so much like your father”. She lied down and pulled Bree to her embrace and I abruptly left, stunned at her sudden revelation – not even bothering to close the door. 

The clock continued to tick along with my running mind and thoughts. As soft as the sound, it felt like a scream with every movement of the hand. It was too much to handle. I walked over to my mantle and threw it across the room to a loud crash that broke the item into hundreds of irreparable pieces. I chuckled rather bitterly in the irony of my situation.

I downed my drink in one gulp and ran my hands through my face and hair. In the now absolute silence of my study in my Boston home, my mind had one thought: How the hell did I end up here?

You know how because you agreed to this. She gave you an out and you were too honorable to refuse. Said my conscience’s snarky reply.

“That’s what good men do” I said out loud to the universe in the faith that it would make it a little bit more true and alleviate the dismay I was feeling.

And it comes at the sacrifice of your own happiness. You did this and chose this for yourself.

I sat back down to my chair to try and calm my thoughts and assess my emotions. I looked up at the clock to see how long I have until Claire and Bree would arrive home but then remembered I no longer had a mantle clock. I opened the drawer to my right grabbed my monogrammed stainless pocket watch - a gift from Claire in the first year of our marriage. It was 6:50PM – I have, at least, ten minutes to compose myself.

I placed my elbows in the desk and held my head in it, closed my eyes, considering and allowing all my emotions to show and release itself. Love, hurt, joy, pain, good, bad - combining them all left me feeling one final sentiment: woe.

“Woe is all I possess” I muttered under my breath.

I let the tears building in my eyes to overflow and allowed himself to feel everything for the first time in a long time.

Woe in the realization that Claire would never be mine again, that she would never love me the way I see her love and devote herself to him even after all these years, that we’d settled in a life of domesticity for civility and show; woe in the realization that Bree – with her fiery red hair and blazing blue eyes - would never be thought by anyone as mine in any way, shape or form, that our bond would never be just ours forever when the time comes that she learns the truth about her real paternity; woe in the reminder of my own inability to sire children; woe in having to give in to affairs just to fill a physical and emotional void that will never or could never be truly filled again; woe in the knowledge that my family history is tainted by a darkness that made me slightly sorry that I found real, historical truth; woe that I had resorted in forcing Claire into an agreement to forget him and everything about that part of her life even though I knew it would break her spirit. 

I needed protect myself and save myself a little dignity in this circumstance – even though it means forbidding a certain name to be mentioned in the next century. 

Woe is all I possess.

So yes, I can and will live with my own selfishness.

I hadn’t heard the door open until Bree called me out.

“Daddy!” she ran towards my chair and hopped on my lap. “Look what we made in school today!”

Bree laid her artwork on his table - a rather exceptional profile of one of her classmates – as she rambled on how her teacher taught drawing techniques and said that her work was the best one in class. 

I glanced up to find Claire at the doorway of my study staring at us. In another parallel universe of our lives, I’d see light and happiness in her eyes as I held what would have been our child. Looking at her, even I can’t deny the sadness and longing in her eyes as she imagined a life two hundred years back where her daughter is held by the man she loved who would’ve raised her if it wasn’t for the massive obstacle of history.

“Claire” I called out immediately putting her out of her trance.

“I’m making meatloaf for dinner. It will be ready in 30 minutes” she replied embarrassingly as she knew I caught her in moment faraway. I nodded as she left for the kitchen.

Woe is all I possess – but as long as Claire is cooking in the kitchen and Bree continues to talk about her day – there is still that small flicker of the life I once envisioned to be living. A small claim it might be but one I lay hold on even for a little while, just enough to push away the pain in my heart and move forward on to the next day and the next day and the next.

[faith-in-dean]

Damn The Twins

Summary: Alexander and Arthur Ketch have been spinning your mind around ever since you had gotten to know them. A tragic event made you think Alexander had been dead for years. Only now the truth would uncover itself.

Words: 1633

Pairing: Arthur Ketch x Reader/ Alexander Ketch x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Talk about Murder, Fighting, Smut, Unprotected Sex, Public Sex (Kind of)

A/N: @melodymishahiddlestan gave me the idea to this fic, it had just taken me a while to get it written cause I’m not really satisfied with how it turned out. Italic are past events. Thanks to @cravingforwords for betaing this for me!

You didn't believe your ears when you heard Arthur was back. For all you knew, the mission of the British Men of Letters in America had failed and nobody came out alive.

Not even their best assassin Arthur Ketch. Which had shocked everyone. But suddenly the man reappeared on the Old Men’s radar and now it was your turn to go and eliminate him since he went against the rules of the Code.

You were still furious with him ever since his elimination of Alexander. And it had been more than a decade since it had happened.

Maybe this was the time for your revenge. Even if you had found him just as interesting back in the day.

~~~

“Hey, Y/N! Want to hang out with Arthur and me?” Alexander asked once you had been able to go from your classes at Kendricks. Of course, you wouldn't say no.

You loved spending every possible second with the Ketch twins and that may or may not had been because you were sort of crushing on both of them.

There was a time you had your troubles getting back into form. You just had to take part in a battle and at your age, it had been more damaging than anything.

And even though it wasn't allowed, Alexander came and snuck in some of your favorite candy that he managed to get on an outing. He stole it because he knew you'd be having a bad time and he surely saved your day.

Arthur wouldn't reveal much of himself whenever you were in private but when you trained together, so many different sides of him came to show.

Arthur was an excellent student. No matter what weapon you handed him, he always hit the target. He always managed to hit the spot he needed to. And if he didn't, things got dirty with him.

No two seconds later he would begin to get mad at himself and needed someone to calm him down before he could continue with his training.

You just had been so torn between them. And they both knew it. And as much as teen boys could, they would keep teasing you about it.

~~~

Through all the years your crush had stayed, though you were becoming more and more fond of the softer Ketch twin, Alexander.

Everybody knew relationships weren't bound to last under the British Men of Letters. If they could happen at all. For all you knew, you could be ordered to kill the other and you wouldn't have another choice. Not even family was spared.

And so it came for the Twins.

Everything you knew, was that Arthur and Alexander were put against each other, one has to kill the other. And you couldn't stress more about the situation.

You liked them both, you didn't want either one of them to die. Though you knew there was no way around it. Your heart was aching as you waited for one of the brothers to leave the room.

“Alexander?!” You jumped up once the door had opened.

“Arthur,” was the only reply you got. And for some reason, that answer made you extremely angry. You knew he didn't have a choice but you also couldn't believe it.

“How could you! You're horrible!” Arthur's head came to face you.

“Oh, what would Alexander be if he was the one leaving that room?”

You didn't have an answer. You really didn't and so you stayed in silence.

“I thought so,” he said and left without another word. And you let him leave. Why would you make him stay if he wasn't the one your heart belonged to.

You felt lost, slowly stepping into the room to see the bloody, lifeless body. Sickness came over you and you quickly rushed back to your dorm. You just needed time for yourself.

~~~

It wasn't necessarily hard to track down Arthur. He had been leaving his traces and with the help of the Winchesters, you were on his back quicker than anyone could have thought.

He had been just on his way to find another witch when you caught him, shooting a bullet right into the tire of his motorcycle.

The bike began shaking beneath him, throwing him off a few moments later. That was your chance.

You were sneaking up and expected everything. Arthur had always been a challenge to fight. Even if you haven't been involved with him, you knew his techniques.

And you knew he would've been ready to fight back. Sure he was.

He had been all over you once you reached him, a fist fight and near wrestling taking over as you tried to follow your task, to eliminate him.

At least that had been on your mind until he performed that one move you only recognized from one person.

Alexander.

But how could it be? Why would he have pretended to be Arthur?

The whole situation had thrown you so off-guard, Arthur - or Alexander - had taken over, his knee pressing into your chest as he pressed a knife against your throat.

“Alexander?” You muttered, looking up at him as you had your troubles breathing.

“Y/N. Took you long enough,” he said, face with a blank expression.

“How… Why?” You asked, keeping your thoughts on the situations you had been in as well.

“I lived, I won, I lied,” Alexander shrugged and you finally struggled yourself free, standing up with him, your body tense.

“Why would you lie about it? What's the point?!” You asked, anger overcoming you once again. All these times of pain and heartbreak and now you were just to accept he had been alive all along?

“Arthur has always been the better twin. Everyone was putting money on his ability. What a shame would it have been if they knew Arthur never made it out of that room?” Alexander pretended as if it was the most normal thing to fake your own death and pretend to be your twin brother.

“You're an arsehole! You knew what I have been feeling for you! You knew I wanted nothing more than for you to come out of that room!” you exclaimed, your feelings taking over you. No matter how professional you wanted to be, Alexander threw it all over.

“Oh? Just what have you been feeling?” he asked as if he didn’t know. As if nothing had ever mattered.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know! You know exactly what I felt for-” before you could even answer, Alexander pressed you against a nearby tree, kissing you deeply as he did so.

At first, you were taken off-guard and no matter how much you knew that you shouldn’t do this, it felt too good to break it. And so you returned the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck to pull him in closer.

A few years ago, you had been dying to feel this. You still had been dying to, you just didn’t know.

Alexander pressed against you, his intention clear as he rutted against you. But who were you to push him away? This was all you ever wanted. And so you let him.

Hands explored each other's bodies, tugging at what clothing you had until one of Alexander’s fingers slipped into your pants. A light gasp left your mouth when you felt him press in between your folds, playing at your entrance before lightly dipping in.

His fingers had moved as if you were an instrument he was learning to play, slow and exploring every inch, every side of you, finding spots that would make you feel good. Quiet moans left your mouth, Alexander catching each one in a kiss.

Finally, he began undoing your pants, pushing them down along with your panties.

“We’re in public,” you reminded him but didn’t necessarily stop him. You couldn’t care less where he fucked you, as long as he did.

“That’s the thrill I love,” he had a sly smirk on his face and turned you to face the tree, pulling down your pants just a bit more before he freed himself.

You braced yourself against the tree as much as you could, turning your head to face Alexander as he gave himself a few strokes and finally lined himself up at you vagina, pushing into you all at once.

His hands held onto your waist, keeping a firm grip on you while he slowly began to move.

It felt like everything you ever needed. Nobody had ever felt as good as he did. And it seemed like he fit you just perfectly. Moans left your mouth whenever he filled you up, every inch of him slowly stretching you.

He kept up a slow pace for a few moments before Alexander began to easily pound into you. Your knees went weak and your head fell back as you still tried your best to hold yourself up.

Alexander couldn’t keep back his groans either as he fucked you. He had picked his pace up once more and let one of his hands slide to your clit, rubbing it as he pushed you over the edge.

Your walls contracted around him while your fingers dug into the tree as much as you could as you came, mouth hanging open from the sensation.

He followed not long after, pressing deep inside you as you felt him fill you up, his hot and sticky cum coating your walls.

“I was supposed to kill you, not fuck you,” you finally managed to say after the two of you came down from your highs and dressed up again.

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t let you do that,” Alexander said before easily knocking you out.

Next thing you knew, you were tied to a chair, nothing but darkness surrounding you. Just what did you get yourself into.

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[mercurious-minds-blog]

81 General Holistic Healthcare Tips

Use these 81 holistic tips to help improve your health.

Improve your posture. It is important to keep your spine as straight as possible so that your muscles do not strain and contract unnecessarily. Also, in order to keep energy circulating throughout your body, it is important to keep your spine straight and nerves unhindered. Consider learning from an Alexander technique instructor. The Alexander method is a way to retrain the body to remain correctly postured in order to prevent and eliminate the possibility of problems such as muscle strains, nerve damage, stiff necks, and many more issues. The purpose of this technique is to eliminate unnecessary tension within the body and to teach the body to position itself correctly.Consider “trigger point massage” for pain relief. If you are plagued by continuous pain and conventional pain medicines are not working to help eliminate it, consider this special type of massage. It will help to not only ease the pain - but to eliminate its source as well.Try acupuncture. Acupuncture is a type of holistic/alternative medicine that has been commonly practiced in the eastern part of the world for thousands of years. Five thousand years ago, the intention of acupuncture was to prolong life. With many alternative medical techniques, the intention is to prevent rather than to cure a specific or general ailment. The oldest recorded practice of acupuncture was over 5,000 years ago. Basically, acupuncture is used to stimulate the nerves in the body and as a result positively affect all of the other bodily systems.Try Reiki healing. Reiki is a healing art that uses the body’s energy to begin and further the healing process. It is performed by using one’s hands to follow a specific pattern of massage, in order to stimulate energy movement throughout the body. There are many reiki healers who are specially trained to perform the healing massage, or you can read about it or take a class to become a proficient reiki healer yourself.Consider a complete body cleansing. There are many different products on the market today that can help you to eliminate toxins from the body and increase the efficiency and overall health of your body. A complete cleanse will remove toxins and other harmful matter from your kidneys, liver, and intestines. Generally how the work is you follow a strict dietary regimen for a week or two while the cleansing process occurs. Most people who try this agree that it makes them feel healthier and they often report a fair amount of weight loss after the process is complete.Try to avoid television. Believe it or not, television actually induces negative feelings in most viewers as a result of the commonplace violence and gossip. Television viewing is not nearly as relaxing as some people claim. Try giving up your television shows for a week, replacing them with other activities. You will most likely find that you are better rested, happier, and less stressed at the end of that week.Don’t forget to relax. No human being is equipped to function in a constant stress mode. It is unhealthy to have a life filled with all work and no play. Some of the most common health problems that result when a person doesn’t relax enough include high blood pressure, stomach ulcers, and other digestive disorders. Be sure to take some time out for yourself at least once a week, preferably once a day. This can help to prevent, and in some cases eliminate these chronic health problems.Consider biofeedback therapy. If you are experiencing health problems and cannot seem to find the source, a biofeedback therapist will monitor your body and how it reacts to daily activities in order to find out where it is not performing optimally. In this treatment, you would wear a monitor that actually records how your body is reacting while it is turned on. If you are an athlete suffering from muscle problems, you might want to consider this treatment to determine whether you are properly resting your muscles between activities.Improve your sleeping habits. One of the best things that everyone can do to improve their well being is to moderate their sleeping patterns. Unfortunately, poor sleep is a habit learned by nearly everyone during the teenage years. It is critical to allow your body the time it needs to wind down and relax so that you can be rejuvenated. If you feel tired during the day, when you awaken in the morning or exhausted before bedtime, it is a sign that you are not getting the right amount of sleep. This could be too much, or too little. Try setting aside eight hours for sleep each night, getting into bed no less than half an hour prior to the time that you want to be asleep. If you do this for a few weeks, you will find positive improvements in your overall health and productivity. Do your best to avoid stress and exertion within an hour of your bedtime. Consider having a cup of chamomile tea before bed or using lavender infused oil in order to help induce a sense of relaxation.Breathe mindfully. The process of mindful breathing is a form of meditation; however, it is also a great way to get more oxygen into your blood and tissues. If you start right now and pay attention to how you are breathing, it is more than likely that you will find yourself breathing quite shallowly. This is not a healthy breathing pattern. You can start out by just inhaling completely and then slowly exhaling completely. If you take one minute to just do this focused breathing each day, you will find that you feel better during that minute. And, you will catch yourself paying attention to your breathing several times throughout the day. If you are stressed or tired, take a minute out of your day to breathe mindfully.Try reflexology. Reflexology is a technique of applying pressure and stretching the hands and feet in order to send nerve signals to other parts of the body. Through the careful application of reflexology, practitioners can affect the health of various organs and parts of the body. There are many resources available if you would like to learn more about the practice of reflexology.Meditate for better well being. The basic definition of meditation is to concentrate on some object or thought in order to quiet the mind. There are many different types and styles of meditation however, the one thing that is consistent is that not every technique will work for every person. Everyone can benefit from some type of meditation. Take some time to read about different techniques or talk to a holistic healer for more information about what might work for you.Stop the music when meditating. Just as you would probably accomplish more during a study session without music, the same holds true for meditation. While some people will play music while they meditate, there is a question about whether music serves simply as a distraction. Try turning off the music for a week, and see for yourself if you are able to accomplish more with a quiet atmosphere.Accept that there is no clear and easy path. Many people spend so much time looking for the easy route that they forget to appreciate the joys of the road. Changing your perspective will take time, but try to begin thinking of obstacles as stepping stones along the path of your life.Be nicer. Positive energy is contagious. If you do something nice for someone today, chances are that before long that person will do something nice for someone else. Little things go a long way, and if you are doing nice things for people, you will begin to create a snowball effect of niceness. Many holistic healers claim that there is no more powerful medicine than love and that simply giving or receiving affection such as a hug can raise the spirits and begin to heal the body. Don’t forget to be nice to yourself!Avoid clutter. Clutter is an energy buster. If your bedroom is cluttered, the energy will not flow as freely as it should and your sleep will be affected in a negative way. Not only that, but clutter is frustrating because it often keeps you from finding something that you need in a few seconds. Take the time to eliminate clutter, but start small with one area at a time Ooherwise, you risk overwhelming yourself with a lot of work. Other people and thoughts can clutter your life too.Be gracious. Gratitude is extremely powerful, and remembering to say thank you for even the littlest things can be a powerful positive change. Expressing gratitude is much more pleasant than expressing frustration, and it will eventually begin to replace the negative habit of complaining that we all get used to sometimes.Consider a peroxide bath. Hydrogen peroxide is known for being a highly effective astringent that removes dirt and toxins from scrapes and cuts. It can do the same thing for the rest of the body as well. Simply add a quart of peroxide to your hot bath and soak for a few minutes to check for tolerance. If you don’t have any irritation that doesn’t stop quickly, add a second quart and soak for about ten minutes. The peroxide will pull toxins from your skin and help you to flush toxins better afterward.Consider a liver flush. Gallstones form in the bile ducts and the gallbladder and may be to blame for medical problems that go otherwise unexplained. By performing a liver flush you are helping your body to eliminate the built up toxins and gallstones. If you are interested in instructions for a liver flush, you can find them at any reputable holistic healer or online. If you have any health problems or suspect that you might, you should speak with your doctor prior to performing the process. In any case, a clean liver equates to a healthy body.Eat bentonite clay. Yes, clay in its naturally occurring form is fantastic for treating many different health ailments that might go otherwise untreated. Liquid bentonite clay is available and can be taken several times a day to help with problems of the liver, headaches, arthritis, and skin disorders. Clay masks are fantastic for the skin, and when used after a good exfoliation they can remove impurities and toxins from your skin.Consider transpersonal therapy. If you have found that standard therapy is not working out for you, this is an approach that helps many people to feel more comfortable. In this type of psychotherapy, the therapist and the patient focus on making a significant connection with one another in order to remove anyone from a superior position. Many patients have found that when they feel a connection with their therapist, they feel that they can be more open-minded and receptive.Be mindful instead of bored. If you feel bored, or feel as though you are stretching every minute to its fullest extent in order to get things done, you are probably a good candidate for the practice of mindfulness. Through mindfulness, you are going to get to the root of what is causing you to feel stressed or bored. Often there is something deeper that is causing you anxiety and through this technique you are likely to discover what that something is. The premise is to let go of pain and to allow thoughts to flow freely. By trying to suppress feelings and control thoughts, you are actually doing your body more harm than good.Pay attention to your dreams. Dreams can tell you a lot of information that you might not otherwise realize. Therapists believe that through our dreams we become aware of personal struggles, fears, and internal conflicts. Consider keeping a dream journal where you record at least the major themes of what you are dreaming. Do this as soon as you can after waking, so that you make sure to get the essence of your dreams. Pay attention to patterns, serial dreams, and symbols that seem to reappear often. Find out what these things represent to you by meditating on the symbol or theme or look them up in a dream dictionary for the generally accepted explanation. While this may not represent the meaning for you, it will give you a place to start.Study your hands to remember your dreams. If you are experiencing personal conflicts, feeling stressed, or would just like to gain a new level of access to your inner thoughts, consider learning to control your dreams to make them work for you. By concentrating on your hands several times throughout the day, asking yourself if you are dreaming, you will start to remember to look at your hands while dreaming. If you can control your hands in your dreams, you will already be able to change the course of your dreams and play an interactive part. This can include bringing specific people into your dreams or even asking them to leave. Try this technique and you will be amazed the first time that you are dreaming, and realize that you are actually able to do more than just watch what is happening.Try yoga to overcome depression. If you are suffering from depression, practicing yoga may help you to overcome the symptoms and get to the root of what is causing the problem in the first place. Through the practice of yoga, you are attempting to connect to your spirit and to reconnect your mind and body and you may start to see the symptoms of depression begin to decrease almost immediately.Learn about your constitutional type. In Indian traditions, Ayurvedic medicine focuses on treatment of patients based on how their constitution relates to the elements of water, fire, earth, space, and air. According to this centuries-old practice, it is believed that diet, activities, and healthcare can be specifically targeted to the individual. There are a number of factors that help determine your constitutional type according to Ayurvedic teachings. You can work with a practicing Ayurvedic doctor or you can find information about type determination online.Pay attention to your colors. Although you may have stopped paying attention to color as a young child, there is definitely some benefit to examining what colors you tend to use, enjoy, and prefer. Color is directly associated with body energy and emotions. Sometimes you may feel out of balance and the colors surrounding you can provide you some insight. For example, if you tend to wear a lot of red or to surround yourself with red, you may be over stimulating your emotions. However, if you frequently feel tired or listless you might want to add more red to your wardrobe. Try changing the colors in your wardrobe to better suit your emotional needs during any particular time in your life. For example, if you feel that you are in need of a personal change or that you need to build your self-esteem, consider wearing more purple, as this color is known for its connection with self-healing. If you are stressed, try wearing light blue. Green's a great color to add when you feel like you have recently made a personal accomplishment since it is a color known for renewing effects.Try magnets for pain relief. Magnetic therapy is becoming a very popular method for treating chronic pain and conditions that cause chronic pain. Magnets are shown to increase blood flow through the body by as much as a third. This increased circulation is a great way to alleviate pain. Studies have shown that applying magnets to an injury will help to increase the healing rate because the magnets correct the polarity of the body cells and increase the overall health of the area where they are applied. Healing will be faster and pain will be less when you apply magnets.Try bioenergetic therapy when you are feeling depressed or tired. Bioenergetics is an alternative therapy that includes a combination of different techniques used together to help your body fight off illnesses, depression, and other conditions. Practitioners observe the patient and form a treatment plan that works to correct things like breathing patterns and stress levels in order to begin identifying and alleviating problems that are being experienced. This therapy combines biofeedback with talk and touch therapy, acupuncture, and nutritional counseling specific way determined by each individual patient.Play an active role. If you have decided to see a holistic practitioner, one of the things that you need to realize when you get started is that this is not the passive medicine that you may have experienced in the past. The practitioners are there to guide you as the patient however, you will need to make a significant effort and work with your practitioner to determine the best treatments for you and to increase the effectiveness of the treatments. Many patients find that taking an active role in treatment makes the effects more immediate and tangible.Focus on the dance of life. Life is ever changing and ever adapting. Sometimes we all get bogged down in our day and forget to take time out for ourselves. It is beneficial to take at least some time each day to work on personal growth and healing. Spending time working on personal growth in some way will make you more aware of the ups and downs of your life and give you tools for dealing with whatever comes your way throughout your life.Try a natural caffeine detox. If you have been promising to give up coffee or to cut down, you might need to actually remove the effects of caffeine from your system with a detoxification process that includes chamomile. This extract helps to calm you while washing caffeine from your system. You can use chamomile tea, or a specially developed compound designed to detoxify the body.Try working with a holistic athletic trainer. If you are an athlete, you might benefit from the experience of working with a holistic trainer who focuses not only on injury recovery, but also on performance analysis, counseling, and injury prevention. Through the holistic approach, your mental and physical needs will be addressed and you can improve your performance significantly as a result.Add some fun to your inner work with transpersonal art therapy. Through this practice, you will create artwork and accomplish personal transformations as your work progresses. Don’t worry, no previous experience or talent is required and this type of counseling can be very effective even for young children.If you believe in your body’s ability to heal itself, try osteopathy. Osteopathy is commonly regarded as an excellent way to strengthen the body after an injury, however, it is also known as an excellent treatment option for those with headaches, digestive disorders, and several other health problems. The intent of an osteotherapist is to correct problems with the skeleton in order to alleviate or prevent illness and injury.Try a homeopathic approach to ADD. ADD is becoming one of the most commonly issued diagnoses among young children and adolescents today. Unfortunately, the treatment options are limited and most include the use of strong medications with terrible side effects. Homeopathic treatment includes not only natural medicines but psychological counseling as well. The goal is to treat the patient, and not the disease. There are many traditional physicians who will work with you to develop a homeopathic treatment plan and many holistic physicians who specialize in this type of treatment.Get real allergy relief. If you suffer from allergies, you already know the frustration of treatments that just don’t work. Sure, they may mask symptoms for a while, but they are not going to provide lasting relief. Homeopathic allergy treatment is different because instead of treating the symptoms, the goal is to strengthen the body to a point where it can resist the allergens that are behind the symptoms. A patient can expect to be given medications that make their immune system build upon itself to create a natural defense.Listen to more music. Sound therapy is becoming commonplace in homes with newborn infants and older adults. There are many benefits of sound therapy including calming and increasing the patient's sense of overall well being. Find soft music that you enjoy and try playing it at the lowest possible volume in a quiet room. You will find that before too long if you are quiet and relaxed, you will hear the music as though it were at full volume.Become familiar with aromatherapy. Aromatherapy is a simple way to change your daily life. Through the use of essential oils, it is possible to get access to wonderful therapeutic results. Aromatherapy has been a popular holistic health topic for thousands of years and many people will tell you that the promised benefits are completely accurate. For example, consider placing a few drops of rosemary oil on a cotton ball and dabbing it on your forehead during a headache. Or consider placing a drop of lavender oil on the light bulbs in your bedroom for enhanced relaxation during sleep. Consult a pharmacist, holistic specialist, or a book on essential oils to determine if one or more could help you to improve your well being.Nourish your soul. Just like mind and body, the soul also needs nourishment to continue to grow and develop. Your soul is what provides you with energy and vitality. Everyone has different soul food, however, most find that their soul is nourished by a walk outdoors or spending time with friends and family. If you take the time to listen to your inner voice, your soul will tell you what it needs. It is important to take the time to listen, otherwise, you can lose your soul and not be able to find out what it is that you are missing. Just a few moments of quiet each day and you are bound to learn something that can change your life.Make your bedroom only for sleep. In today’s busy world, there is a tendency to turn the bedroom into a home office and multipurpose room. This is not recommended, as the bedroom should be instilling a sense of relaxation and restfulness.Eliminate the cause of health problems before trying to treat the symptoms. So, for example, if you are suffering from indigestion it makes more sense to eliminate the foods that are causing the problem than it does to take medication after the pain starts. Holistic healers are looking to heal the whole body and, therefore, it is believed that first, you stop doing the things that are harming you then, replace those things with actions and nutrients that are better for you. This can apply to the body, mind, and the soul.Get more vitamin D. Supplements are one way to increase your Vitamin D intake, however, the best way to get this nutrient is from sunshine. The human body synthesizes Vitamin D that is absorbed through the skin when exposed to sunlight. Many people are not getting the sun exposure that they require because of the risk of skin cancer but in moderation, sunlight is very beneficial.Take vitamin C prior to sun exposure. Getting a sunburn is definitely unpleasant. By taking an extra dose of vitamin C prior to beginning your sun exposure, you are boosting your skin’s natural defenses. If you would like increased protection, consider adding vitamin E as well.Soothe your stomach with oranges and fennel seed. Make a mixture of a tablespoon each of orange peel and fennel seed added to two cups of water. Boil and then steep this tea. Add honey to sweeten the tea and drink it when you are suffering from indigestion.Drink rosemary tea. Rosemary is a common kitchen herb known for its ability to stimulate the senses. If you are feeling tired but have a lot to get accomplished, you might do well to drink some rosemary tea. It is also an excellent remedy for headaches.Use ipecac syrup to stop vomiting. While this is one of the common ingredients in most home first aid kits, you may not realize that it is also a homeopathic remedy for vomiting when taken in very tiny doses. While ipecac will not do much for patients experiencing nausea, it will work wonders for you if you are experiencing continuous vomiting. A homeopathic physician or pharmacist can recommend exact dosages for you.Take ginkgo for better concentration. Ginkgo is known for its ability to stimulate the mind and to help the brain to metabolize nutrients correctly. In some cases, the herb has been noted to reduce the effects of aging and to slow the onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Ginkgo leaves are ground into a powder and the extract can be used in many different forms. A few years ago, it became very common to see ginkgo added to just about everything in the supermarket. A homeopathic physician can help you to determine whether you would benefit from a ginkgo supplement.Mix garlic and honey. If you are at risk or suffer from high blood pressure, consider eating a teaspoon of minced garlic with 2 teaspoons of honey every day. Honey and garlic are known for being healing foods, and when combined they are extremely beneficial to the circulatory system.Try magnesium for leg cramps. Many people suffer from cramps in their legs, particularly in the calves. Drinking more water will probably help to relieve the frequency of cramps and adding magnesium to your diet is a great way to eliminate them completely.Try belladonna for ear pain. If you have an ear infection or ear pain, belladonna extract could possibly help to alleviate this pain. This extract helps to reduce inflammation in the blood vessels, one of the common causes of ear pain. Other ailments for which belladonna will help include toothaches, fevers, restlessness or insomnia, and eye pain resulting from dryness.Take St. John’s wort for stress. This plant extract is known for its ability to help relieve the symptoms of depression, grief, and anxiety. You can also try taking St. John’s wort for any injury that causes sharp pains or a repetitive stress injury. This supplement is commonly added to teas and is also widely available in capsules and tablets.Consider poison ivy for an ankle sprain. Although it is not commonly thought of as a good thing, poison ivy extract is actually an excellent pain reliever for sprains and strains. Sometimes the extract is given to patients with severe flu symptoms or even arthritis.Use chamomile for teething. Many homeopathic remedies for teething contain chamomile extract, which is known for its calming effects. The safest way to use this extract is in a cream or gel designed specifically for teething babies. There are also capsules designed to be placed under the baby’s tongue to induce calmness and relieve pain.Use onions to relieve allergy symptoms. Onions are an excellent treatment option for those suffering from allergies because the root is completely natural and proves to be very effective at opening nasal passages. Instead of just eating an onion, an extract should be taken in tiny doses until the body begins to ignore irritants and develop a defense against other allergens.Try lavender on your feet. If you suffer from athlete’s foot, you already realize that there is little you seem to be able to do in order to stop the affliction. That is true with traditional medications. However, using oils of lavender, garlic, and tea tree in an alcohol solution will help to ward off the problem once and for all.Try peppermint oil for headaches. If you get chronic tension headaches and have found conventional medications to be failing, it might be a good idea to consider trying peppermint oil. A few drops of this oil can be placed on a cotton ball and applied to the forehead. Take a few minutes to relax and allow the oil to penetrate the skin. The same technique is also useful for sore muscles.Sleep better with a sesame oil scalp massage. Warm a small amount of sesame oil and massage into the scalp before washing your hair in order to induce sleep. This can also be an effective technique to stop a headache. Scalp massage, in general, is a good treatment option, however, when combined with sesame oil the effects are felt better.Try passionflower extract. If you suffer from anxiety disorder, depression, or hyperactivity, passion flower extract can help eliminate daily anxiety, calm hyperactivity, and relieve stress. The calming effects of this extract are also thought to help with high blood pressure.Use natural methods to reduce stress. One of the most commonly treated medical conditions in the world today is anxiety disorder. Thankfully, nature provided us with natural stress relievers like passion flower, lemon balm, lavender, and valerian to name a few. Consider trying these various extracts to test their effect on your anxiety and stress levels with essential oils, teas, and other forms.Try feverfew for headaches. Feverfew has been used for centuries by medical experts to treat rheumatoid arthritis and migraine headaches. This root is known for its ability to reduce swelling and fevers as well. You can try a tablet or even a feverfew tea.Try vitamins C and B for a hangover. If you happen to overindulge with alcohol, you should immediately drink a glass of water and take some B and C vitamins. This combination will start to remove the alcohol from your bloodstream and start the process of recovering so that you feel better faster.Try bee products for arthritis and joint pain. If you suffer from stiff joints or arthritis, consider trying bee venom in any of its popular forms. You might try a cream made from royal jelly, eating raw honey, or even using bee venom itself. If you are interested in experiencing the healing relief of bee venom, contact an apitherapist, who will actually administer bee stings to your affected joints. If you are allergic to bee stings, you should not consider this treatment.Try ginger for joint problems. If you experience joint pain or stiffness, you might benefit from ginger caplets or simply more ginger in your diet. Ginger is an antioxidant that is known to assist the body in preserving cartilage. You can find ginger supplements in any health food store.Try coriander oil for joint pain and stiffness. Coriander oil or extract can be added to mineral oil for massaging sore joints or it can be brewed as a tea. Try making a 1 to 5 solution in an oil of your choice, letting it sit for 24 hours and then applying to sore joints.Stop sneezing with echinacea. This herb has been used for thousands of years to treat the symptoms of the common cold. It is thought to be an excellent immunity booster. There are many different forms of echinacea currently on the market. Depending on whether you are taking it as a preventative supplement or to treat current symptoms, the dosage may differ.Add more B vitamins to your diet. Foods rich in B vitamins are thought to be some of the most beneficial to the human body. B vitamins are excellent for the nervous system, the skin, and are even used to treat respiratory problems like asthma. Foods like brown rice, baked potatoes and fish are high in B vitamins.Improve your food choices. Many people who eat unhealthy diets believe they are following a sound nutritional plan. However, those same people often do not include fruits and vegetables with every meal and often eat meals on the go without giving it a second thought. If you want your body to perform at high-efficiency, you must provide it with high-efficiency foods. This means more whole, raw foods and as few preservatives as possible.Plan your eating ahead of time. This is one of the things that nutritionists will tell you to do when you want to improve your eating habits. For one thing, you will not be hungry if you are prepared with a meal schedule. Also, you will not be tempted by sugar and caffeine throughout the day when you have plenty of healthy alternatives on hand.Drink more water. Most people cannot honestly say that they drink nearly enough water. In fact, many people do not realize how much water they need to drink throughout the course of a day. You should focus on drinking half of your body weight in ounces each day. So if you weigh 160 lbs, drink around 80 oz’s of water a day. In order for your body to function at its optimal level, you need to make sure that you are drinking enough. Dehydration can occur when you are not getting enough water and there are many dangerous and bothersome side effects that come with it.Eliminate the color white from your diet. In general, foods that are white in color contain little in terms of nutritional value and are in fact better eliminated completely. This includes white potatoes, white bread, white pasta, crackers, and rice that are not made from whole wheat. You can eliminate these items or replace with foods that have a higher nutritional value like whole wheat bread and pasta, sweet potatoes, and brown rice.Eat more foods that are acidic and alkaline. Consider modifying your diet to include foods that are acidic and alkaline, because many holistic experts believe that this is one of the keys to maintaining a healthy body. Foods like meat are high in acid. Fruits and vegetables tend to contain a high alkaline content. One of the reasons that this will improve your health is that your body will contain far less bacteria when it has a proper PH balance.Don’t overdo the grains. Consider reducing the amount of grains and other carbohydrates that you are eating on a daily basis. The typical food pyramid emphasizes eating a large quantity of starches, however, nutritionists believe that focusing more on fruits and vegetables will keep you healthier overall.Consider adopting a raw food diet. This is where you eat only unprocessed and uncooked foods. Often, the damage done to the body by food occurs because of the additives and preservatives that are used in the preparation. While most people find that they cannot sustain this type of diet for an extended period of time, some have transformed their life and health through raw food consumption.Avoid foods with added supplements. Believe it or not, nutritionists do not recommend supplements for the sake of adding more nutrients. You should try to obtain the nutrients you need through the foods that naturally contain them. And if you require supplements, you are far better off just taking supplements. One nutrient that seems to be added to everything these days is calcium. The amount of calcium being added to products like orange juice is so minimal that it really will not help you to overcome a deficiency.Eat a teaspoon of honey every day. Honey is known for its amazing healing properties and because it contains 100% natural sugars, it is a safe and effective way to give yourself an energy boost. Honey is good for your skin, your circulation and for the cells of your body due to a high content of antioxidants.Nourish your body. Holistic healers believe that malnutrition is often responsible for many commonly occurring health problems, meaning that if the body does not get what it needs, illness will be the result. Imagine if you completely avoided calcium. The result would be brittle and broken bones and teeth. Well, the same applies for many other important nutrients. So be sure to keep giving your body what it needs to stay healthy.Eat a better diet for better skin. Holistic specialists who deal with dermatological problems will tell you that most skin problems are related to the foods you eat and the quality and amount of nutrients that you ingest. They will most likely point at food-based toxins that seem to be keeping your skin from functioning effectively. One possible treatment that might be suggested is liver detoxification, considering that the liver is responsible for filtering most toxins out of the body. If you are suffering from a skin problem such as acne, eczema, or some other sort of condition, the answer may be as simple as drinking more water. Improperly hydrated bodies lead to skin that is not supple and nourished enough to stop these conditions.Treat your skin with jojoba oil. Jojoba oil, in its many forms, is an excellent supplement for your skin and hair. This oil is known for rejuvenation of the skin as well as repairing hair and scalp problems. Consider using a shampoo or body wash that contains the oil in order to have healthier skin and hair. The effects will be seen almost immediately.Do not use anything on your skin that you would not also eat. While you naturally are not going to eat soap, you should purchase products that contain natural substances and little in the way of toxins or potential irritants. Otherwise, you are requiring your skin to work harder to eliminate toxins.Try sulfur for acne relief. If you suffer from teen or adult acne, it might be worth trying a sulfur-based cream specially formulated to work on skin lesions. Sulfur is a naturally occurring substance in the body, and therefore it is completely safe There are a number of conditions that can be helped by sulfur, in addition to acne. These include liver damage, shortness of breath, pink eye, and lactose intolerance. Read the full article

[dippedanddripped]

Jul 12, 2019 · by

Heather O'Donovan

And 5, 6, 7, 8! If you’re like most people in the 21st century, there’s a good chance that when someone says they go to a conservatory or music school, you smile and nod and have absolutely no idea what they’re actually talking about. Perhaps you imagine people dancing on tables and singing in stairwells. Or maybe you envision lonely pianists furiously practicing in windowless rooms until their fingers bleed.

In pop culture, we take the fascinating lives of “the other” and spin them into exaggerated vignettes. You may not know anyone pursuing a medical residency, but you can picture the drama and thrills of their everyday life thanks to shows like Scrubs. Similarly, we all have romanticized ideas of “the artist” in our brains. And while music students would attest to the fact that the fantastical scenes we see on screen sometimes truly do occur (albeit typically in a less film crew–ready form), they would also urge you to consider the facts of their everyday education through a more practical lens.

Just like students studying in medical school, music students enroll in conservatory programs to learn the practical skills that they’ll need to thrive in this highly-specialized career. We don’t just pas de bourrée the day away! We have lectures and seminars to attend, homework assignments to procrastinate on, and exams to complain about.

Honing The Craft (Technique)

Many of the required courses at conservatories are aimed at instilling strong technical skills. Proper technique is important because it helps students prevent the sorts of injuries that can derail a musician’s career. It also grants musicians absolute freedom of expression by giving them the tools they need to express even the subtlest turn of phrase. Technique-driven courses are rigorous, but they can also be a lot of fun.

Private Lessons

Think back to your favorite class in school. Maybe it was gym, your one opportunity during the day to be active. Or perhaps it was that French seminar you loved because you were enchanted by the certain je-ne-sais-quoi of Parisian culture (but more likely because your professor was an angel who brought in croissants every Monday). For many music students, private lessons are their gym or French seminar — the hour or two they look forward to all week long.

Each week, students attend either one or two hour-long private lessons with their primary instrument teacher. You can think of these instructors as athletic coaches, guiding and ensuring students are performing in a healthy, sustainable way. Lessons usually begin with warm-ups intended to wake up the body and target specific technical skills (an athlete wouldn’t go into a meet without a few preliminary stretches!). For singers, lip and tongue trills help get the breath flowing and align the various registers of the voice, while other exercises focus on such aspects of singing as dynamics. After warm-up, typically work turns to honing repertoire — music written by composers like Mozart, Bach, Brahms, and Stravinsky — and discussing elements such as technique and musical style.

Studio Classes

In addition to weekly private lessons, regular performance-based studio classes are also a staple in the curricula of many conservatory programs. These consist of times during which all of the students who study with the same primary teacher gather for a two- or three-hour session structured like a masterclass, which is a sort of fusion between a performance and a class. Individual students perform in front of their peers, and afterward, the teacher works with each one as they would in a lesson, showcasing specific elements from which the other students may learn.

Acting, Movement, and Stagecraft for Singers

In addition to learning proper technique for healthy sound production, singers are also expected to develop various other technical skills. While instrumentalists, who typically have far less class time than vocalists, may be off desperately searching for the ever-elusive empty practice room, singers might be seen rushing off to acting, movement, or stagecraftclass. In each, they develop the skills they’ll need to convincingly portray physical characters on stage. In a given week they might work on a Shakespeare monologue in acting, a polka or other period dance in movement, and proper fan technique in stagecraft.

Languages for Singers

Diction classes are required courses in which vocalists to learn proper pronunciation of all of the major languages in which they’ll need to sing during their career: French, Italian, German, and even English. While they don’t necessarily need to be fluent in each, developing a basic level of proficiency does help. Students use the IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) as a tool to help them learn the texts of various songs and arias. They perform these pieces with a pianist in front of their peers, receiving feedback from their teacher and making any necessary adjustments. In English diction classes — which are taken by native and non-native English speakers alike — they learn how and when to use the various standard dialects, including the historic and modern variations of American, British, and Mid-Atlantic pronunciations.

All Together Now! (Ensembles)

Ensembles are another integral part of music students’ daily coursework. Students at conservatories usually audition for and enroll in one or more groups that meet regularly to rehearse for concerts scheduled throughout the year. At conservatories, these can range from large orchestras led by conductors to chamber music, with small ensembles such as string quartets that rehearse and perform repertoire together. For singers, ensemble courses are intended to mimic the many contexts in which their careers might take a collaborative setting, like choir, mainstage opera, and individual opera scenes, in addition to more specialized classes that focus on the performance of ensemble music from specific time periods or parts of the world, like Baroque music, contemporary opera, and American musical theater standards.

Tinkling the Ivory Keys (Required Piano)

In piano classes, students learn scales, arpeggios, and simple repertoire. A working knowledge of the piano is helpful, and many conservatory programs therefore require that students, regardless of their instrument, be able to demonstrate a basic level of keyboard proficiency. If private lessons and studio class are the beloved “croissant-Monday French seminar” of music school, piano class is the dreaded writing seminar required of many first-year university students. It’s not terribly difficult, but it is certainly a hurdle.

Break It Down (Theory & Ear Training)

Music theory is the study of music from an analytical perspective. It’s like physics — it will make you cry. Pieces are broken down into their constituent parts which are analyzed in order to gain a better understanding of how they operate on a structural level. Sounds cool, right? It is. So is physics … in theory. (Pun intended.)

Ear training, intended to, well, train your ears, is often integrated into music theory coursework. This typically involves sight-reading, in which students are handed a piece of music they’ve never seen before and are expected to play / sing it without prior preparation, and dictation, in which a simple melody, series of chords, or rhythmic pattern is played, and students must write it out on a blank musical staff.

A Long Time Ago On A Continent Far, Far Away (Music History)

Music history courses are often also required. Like university history courses, these lecture- or seminar-based classes aim to contextualize aspects of our modern-day world through the informed lens of historical analysis. In the general courses, students learn about the history of music-making from the Middle Ages to the 21st century. There are other courses devoted to the study of specific eras, such as the Renaissance or Romantic. In these, professors walk through the development of pieces from that time period, analyzing influences from social, political, and economic trends, and using musical examples to illustrate the progression of style.

Takin’ Care Of Business (Music Entrepreneurship)

Many conservatories have begun incorporating music entrepreneurship courses into curricula in order to teach students the practical skills they need to craft a career not only as a performer, but as CEO, CFO, and CTO of their personal “brand.” These vary from school to school, but generally provide an overview of headshots, resumes, professional websites, management, career opportunities, and anything else that falls under the umbrella of what would be a university’s career services center.

All Work And No Play… (Electives)

In addition to all of the required courses, students also frequently enroll in electives, which can cover a wide array of subjects and disciplines: Alexander Technique (a body awareness approach), non-Western traditions, music production, historically-informed performance, philosophy, and much more.

To put all of this in context, here’s an example of a typical class schedule of a vocalist enrolled in a graduate degree program:

Monday:

9 am–12 pm: Mainstage Opera Rehearsal 2–3 pm: English Diction 3:30–4:30 pm: Italian Diction

Tuesday:

9 am–12 pm: Mainstage Opera Rehearsal 12:30–2 pm: Music Theory 2–4 pm: Acting

Wednesday:

9 am–12 pm: Mainstage Opera Rehearsal 2–3:30 pm: Stagecraft 4–5 pm: Italian Diction

Thursday:

9am–12pm: Mainstage Opera Rehearsal 1–2 pm: Music Theory 2–3 pm: English Diction 4–7 pm: Baroque Music Studies

Friday:

9 am–12 pm: Mainstage Opera Rehearsal 12:30–2:30 pm: Movement 3–4 pm: Piano 4–5:30 pm: American Song Repertoire

Musicians serve a vital role in society: “To send light into the darkness of men's hearts — such is the duty of the artist.” (Schumann). Music students devote countless hours to the development and fine-tuning of their skills so that one day they might step into the shoes of the giants who came before them, and perhaps change the life of even just one person for the better in the process. As pianist Karl Paulnack put it, "[S]omeday at 8:00 pm someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft."

[u26singing]

Tuesday 18th September 2018.

Today we started Unit 26 singing techniques with help from a singer outside of college who also specialises in vocal warmups and exercises. Miss Diamond Tina began with a few body warm-up's-- in order to prepare the voice and muscles whilst bringing attention to the body and mind. We performed some light stretches including head rolls side by side, shoulders rolls both backwards and forward etc. These exercises helped open up our voices. We also started to add  some sound effects during these stretches in order to release tension and open our throats.

* FACE. Following the body warm up's, we then moved onto some face warmups. We then carried out some lip trills and lip bubbles for example "meow", the words: "hey" and "oi" was repeated by the class in order to communicate with our diaphragms. The chewing gum exercise helped us stretch all the muscles on our face whilst face expansion also contributed well in this aspect as well.

* VOICE. Next, we explored several vocal warmups such as tongue rolls, tongue twisters like "RedLorryYellow!", "UniqueNewYork" and "MixedBiscuits" which of helps develop our articulation and pronunciation.

* Breathing. We started focusing on diaphragmatic breathing to help support our vocal control allowing us to feel free and to in fact increase stamina. After today, I learnt that frequent breathing supports parts of our body, inhaling expands our waistline whilst exhaling firms the abdominals. Alexander Technique. As a class, Miss Diamond Tina spoke us through this exercise where we had to lay on the floor with our knees up facing the celling, focuses on breathing throughout.

WWW: I was able to successfully recap and complete all the exercises from first year lessons with Diamond Tina.

EBI: To allow myself to be more free in terms of vocal exercises, although singing isn't my speciality I feel I could of performed more enthusiastically. To also manage distractions throughout.

[river-wild2]

Movement Training Program

This is my Movement training program that I have been updating each week through word document on a table. - Movement Training Program WEEK 1 As it’s been my first week on experimenting with different types of movement methodologies at home, I decided to start off with simple movement and not to complex: I first stretched, from the bottom up, ankles, carves, thighs, I do this rotation near the ribs, then stretch to the left then right, rotate the shoulders, for me my neck and shoulder area is very tense and I get a lot of headaches which I think has something to do with the tightness around that area so I really focussed on stretching out the neck and releasing tension and also with the shoulder rolls, I start off gently, as I don’t want to pull anything as the neck is very delicate. Now that I warmed up my muscle’s I always think it’s good to sweat a little, I use to exercise every day, but since this course has started I have put on so much weight as there is hardly time for hard core workout’s so this MTP I think is a really good idea as it’s part of the criteria you make time in your day. So I start off with 15 star jumps, as i haven’t exercised in a while I can already feel that I’m short of breath. The reason I think it’s relevant to do cardio work is of course it’s about keeping fit as a person but as an actor stamina is vital, performing on stage is exhausting as it is, you never know what you may have to do in a scene on stage which might require strong stamina, you don’t want to be half way through a speech and be out of breath. I then move on to do a 20 second plank which I know doesn’t sound long but I knew I would struggle with the plank, the plank exercise is quite essential as actors because it’s all about strengthening the core which all actors need when performing on stage, but I noticed every time I do the plank I hold my breath which I know is wrong, you must always breath, so I done the plank again for 15 seconds and tried to breathe through it which I found really difficult! Lastly I then 30 donkey kicks on each leg. The reason why I chose to do a leg focussed exercise is because I think having strong sturdy legs as a performer is key, most injuries in performers, are ankles, carves and around the leg area and as a performer it’s our legs that give us our presence on stage and as we know as a performer we could be asked to do anything on stage so I think it’s so important to strengthen and build muscle in the leg area. To finish off I rest in child’s pose and regulate back to my natural breathing. I proceeded on with these exercises from Monday to Saturday. I noticed throughout this week I had this reoccurring pattern that throughout my exercise I would hold my breath but halfway through I would realise I was doing it, so for the other half of the exercise breathing was my main focus. As my body hadn’t worked like this in a long time each day my muscles would ache so I’d take a hot/warm bath to relax my muscles and it really helped. WEEK 2 This week I thought I would experiment more with movement/exercise through dance, especially now our dance/movement classes with Ellen are becoming more intense but I really enjoy this type of exercise because I found even though it’s fun and I’m enjoying myself I noticed I always sweat the most during this type of exercise so I decided this week at home to put on some music and do a movement exercise type of dance for 20 minutes. I would first warm up exactly how I did last week, stretch all the muscles, then I would go into the box step dance we learnt from Caroline in physical theatre which not only helps with breaking out a sweat but also improves your coordination, when Caroline first taught me this step I was all over the place now I can do it without thinking, I gradually speed it up. Next I went on to Ellen’s quick ‘step swirl step’ movement which I really enjoy doing, this movement can be done to any song, I then gradually picked up the pace, which by this point I was out of breath but I remembered to breathe throughout the movement. Lastly I’d put on an RnB song or a song I could really move my hips to and free styled to the music, for me this is where I felt i really put the work in and I sweated the most. Throughout the week I noticed my body started to tolerate the movement’s for longer. I think my weakness throughout this week was finding the motivation to get up and actually start and I know two sessions the one of the Wednesday and Friday I cut short and I didn’t put the amount of energy that needed I think it’s because I was quite tired from college and it’s been getting hot my motivation was weak. WEEK 3 PILATES As we are developing in our Pilates class at college I decided to try Pilates at home for this week as part of my Movement training program. I’ve really grown to enjoy Pilates and I think is very different to the other movement exercises but also it’s not what I initially expected. Pilates is much more calming and relaxed then I thought, which isn’t a bad thing for me it’s better than my expectation of Pilates. All the Pilates movement’s I experimented with this week was all from Jess’s Pilates lesson. I started off with laying on the floor with my hands on my pelvis while gently rocking it back and forth and as the same rhythm of the movement I would inhale and exhale so as my pelvis would move towards the ceiling I would inhale as it would move away I would exhale. I would then have my hands straight up in the air as I would exhale I would move it up above my head and as I did this I noticed I heard/felt little click in my shoulder which was really satisfying I then done the same thing but in sync with my leg, as you bring the leg and arm up together you can feel this gentle pulling in each side of your stomach. Lastly I went on to all fours and slightly took my left arm and right leg whilst balancing on the right arm and left leg then swapped around. first time doing this exercise I did it wrong in Jess’s class I was lifting up the same leg and arm which made it impossible to balance and I was confused as to why I couldn’t balance, which made me realise I need to work on my coordination. Pilates is not for everyone but I really I enjoy it, one of my biggest weaknesses is breathing through movement and Pilates really reminds me to breathe, it also gives me a relaxed calming sensation which I feel helps focusses my mind all whilst stretching your muscles and working on your coordination skills. WEEK 4 YOGA This week I decided to try out yoga at home, I’ve never been a hundred percent sure on how I feel about yoga, I’ve tried it a few times and each time I’ve felt different. As there is so many types of Yoga’s out there I think I know what ones I prefer which is depending on what you’re looking to get out of it. We had a Yoga teacher Iva come in and teach us this week, This yoga lesson I felt was more advanced then to what I have tried before, I am more familiar with the calming type of yoga, the gentle poses.(Hatha) Eva said she was teaching basic Yoga (Vinyasa) but for me we were constantly moving and holding poses that were quite challenging, I’m glad I had the opportunity to experience it but I think it reinforced my preferences of different types of Yoga, I don’t think I enjoyed it, especially downward dog, I hate that position, I find it hurts my wrists and I don’t find it relaxing at all, I couldn’t bring myself to fully commit and enjoy the experience. This week at home I decided to experiment with a more calming gentle yoga like Sivananda. This is more simple breathing and a focussing meditation yoga, I started off just calmly breathing then I would position myself in warrior pose and hold then switch directions and hold. I then would go into downward dog (hated it) but I pushed myself to attempt to hold it for a short time. Lastly I would breathe into child’s pose, this position is stretching your muscles while resting although spending too much time in this position can begin to hurt my knees. Each day I felt myself become more invested and committed into the yoga movement. I found that Yoga helps me more on the mental side more than the physical, I feel I enjoyed Pilates more and think I benefited from Pilates on the breathing and physical side, where as Yoga helped me focus and helped clear my mind. WEEK 5 Naffi’S Workout/warm up Part of our keep fit movement with Ellen is we each create our own work out and lead it before each class. This week we had Naffi’s workout and I really enjoyed it but also I think it was just the right amount of exercise. So I decided part of my movement training program for this week was going to be Naffi’s warm up. First off I started with my stretching that I do before anything, I then jogged around the room for 2minutes and I was already feeling out of breath, I then done her dance moves which is simple ‘step step side clap’ repeated that to the music, for me I love dancing within exercise as it breaks it up to trick your mind your having a break but your still active at the same time and of course it brings an element of fun into it. Next it squat time! Again this exercise works on strengthening your legs which is key for us performance, for me I like doing squats as it’s not so difficult to do but it still really works your muscles. Then we went into star jumps which is cardio making us sweat and working on our stamina at the same time. For me I did this each day for 15 minutes and the time would fly by and I noticed I really slept well this week from those workouts and felt really tired at night. WEEK 6 Alexander Technique The week before the show I decided I want to try out a few simple alexander techniques, I don’t know much about this movement technique but we had one or two lessons with Tim as an introduction to Alexander technique and I really enjoyed it. The steps to how I proceeded on with this technique during the week, I would first lay down on the ground with my knees up my arms relaxed down, palms facing upwards and a small cushion under my head to support the neck, make sure everything is relaxed and soft, I would then focus on my breathing, breathe right down into the diaphragm slowly in through the nose out through the mouth and just let any thoughts float away and I would rest there for a few minutes. I’d then sit on a chair and recognise how I would stand up and sit down onto and from the chair, I noticed the way I normally stand up it takes a lot of effort, I then watched a you tube video on Alexander technique on sitting and standing up from a chair, it’s about keeping the neck relaxed and keeping the head forward, letting your knees lead whilst keeping strong sturdy back, I practiced this a couple of times and noticed where I was going wrong id always crunch my head back while going to stand up, but actually it’s about keeping your chin down and I practiced sitting on a chair without slouching and standing up and sitting down from a chair, I really felt a difference in my back, there was an aching feeling for the first 2 to 3 day’s but then the ache started to wear off i felt I was aware when slipping back into my old habits and would try to correct them. For me I purposely left the Alexander technique movement to the week before the show more for the psychological side of things rather the physical, I think the week before the show is so important to have a clear focussed mind set and me Alexander technique is quite simple but really effective.

[weclustr-blog]

When I was young, I was not terribly joyful. I was always perplexed by my existence, and I had a strong spiritual longing ever since I could remember. I was very sensitive. Quite early on, I could feel energy in my body. I didn’t know what it was, but it was very alive. Later, I realized that it was sexual energy, which, I also realized, was not OK to talk about. Mine was a fairly conventional family and an Orthodox upbringing. I was trying to look for role models among religious figures: Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, various Saints… but I could not find any woman with whom I could identify. So I thought I must be the Christ – maybe that’s why I was suffering so much. Around me there was so much drama, deception, manipulation… I just couldn’t get it. Questions were not permitted. As I was growing up, I became quite introverted. Music was my way to express my innermost feelings and to escape from a discordant world. I was pretty good at school, so I had lots of time for myself. I spent most of the day reading, drawing, and doing my music. I looked for answers in books, exploring mythology, psychology, religious studies, biology, anthropology, history, archaeology, philosophy… I was very drawn to German Romanticism. I thought there must be answers somewhere, some system that makes sense of life, as we know it.

By the time I got to university, I was interested in many subjects. But I realized I had to choose, because everything required passion and focus, if one were to become really good at it. Of all the things I was interested in and had a talent for, music was the one that I could not live without. So I was compelled to go into music. Luckily my parents were not against it. My father didn’t really understand music. He was never musical, but he supported me. My mother was musical and also ambitious. She thought I’d be a great pianist, a soloist, recognizing I had real talent. But she was conflicted inside; part of her wanted me to be an independent, self-sufficient woman, have a good education and not depend on a man; on the other hand, she wanted me to do the conventional thing, get married and have children.

When I got my music diploma in Greece, I was already at a pretty high level, but I knew there was more for me to learn. Then, I met this lady. She was a former professor at the Royal Academy of Music in London, visiting Athens for a masterclass series on how to apply the Alexander Technique specifically to piano performance. I was curious and eagerly signed up for her classes. She was working with advanced students, the competitive, self-critical, technique-obsessed, driven kind. Her approach was very different, though. She was very calm and soft-spoken, and I was struck by the way she moved—ever so gently and fluidly, like a dancer. She would talk about things like breathing and energy, make the subtlest adjustments and then, what the student could not get right after months and months of practice, was mysteriously perfected in just a few minutes. It was jaw-dropping. To me, this was pure magic! I thought to myself: “I want this; I want to know what this is all about”. So I left Athens and came to London to study with her. It was not an easy relationship. She was quite harsh. She got me right back to the basics of making a sound. It was very tough, but somehow I persisted. Not long after our first meeting, I discovered that she was a spiritual teacher—my esoteric studies had officially started.

I hadn’t planned to stay in London very long, but music and mysticism were very compelling. I also loved the international culture and arts scene. There was always so much going on, concerts, exhibitions… I didn’t have much money: every penny went there. Really, there was no reason to go back. Being away from my family, my country, I was finally able to discover my Self, my own identity and my soul. I was constantly deconditioning and reprogramming myself. It just went on.

As I became more ambitious in music, however, something felt off inside. But nothing really changed, until I was hit by another wave of existential shock when my younger brother passed away. He was only 39. I couldn’t help but question everything about me and my life again. I realized that the spiritual quest that I had embarked on from an early age had somehow been forgotten. Even though music was always one way of connecting with myself, my soul, God and all of humanity, I had become too caught up in career demands: publications, conferences, performances, competitions… music had become fraught with pressure and endless striving, damping down the joy of inspired creativity. There was this intense self-criticism all the time. I was pushing myself so hard taking on multiple jobs and creative projects, all very demanding, striving for career success, and my system started to break down. I realized something had to change. Becoming an international examiner was the opportunity I needed. I gave up most other things and travelled the world. I loved Singapore, Hong Kong, New Zealand and spent long stretches of time there. I wanted to be on my own, as much as possible, and to feel myself, feel life again.

I wanted to try new things and embraced danger, hoping I would come to some critical moment when all ideas about myself would be suspended and I might see the truth of my being, the real meaning of my existence. I wondered what would happen, if I honestly thought I would die. Would my whole life flash in front of my eyes? Would I discover some big truth about myself, about life? Would I see God? The afterlife? In New Zealand, I went bodyboarding on white water. It wasn’t long before I went under. There was the intense noise of the water, and I was pulled down, sinking deeper and deeper. I held my breath and kept going down. Time just expanded. I waited for something to happen, but nothing happened. I was running out of breath. Still nothing. Inside me, there was silence. Peace. Someone pulled me out. I went under again. Still nothing. In the end, I decided I had to go back to the spiritual searching—the journey continues.

That’s it really: following impulses, responding to life’s—sometimes extremely painful—nudges has changed everything for me. Along the journey, I’ve met so many soul sisters and brothers, people there to support the soul’s journey, to discover and to realize the Self. It’s like a big family. That’s what I’ve been discovering throughout my life. We have this illusion of being isolated and imagine we have to be ego-driven and competitive, but we are, in fact, all connected, loving in essence and destined to thrive through synergy and cooperation. The whole point of this life is to allow our spirit to advance, to express and to share. We do this through our work, relationships, families, through our creativity and little things—the way a meal was prepared, or the way we dressed one day… Those special gifts each one of us is blessed with are felt inside, but they become actualised when they are shared with others.

Your self-expression is your gift to the world. Your self-actualization comes as a happy coincidence. Through the process of giving, you are also realizing your Self. Today, many people spend most of their time working hard at a job they don’t enjoy much—or at all—as a means of making money, so that they can do things they enjoy when they’re on holiday. What if our economy was such that we can spend our time doing something we love, and this something is enough to sustain us? What if what you’re really good at, your talents, are actually worth something to others?

I see that young people today are very aware and creative, and I’m filled with hope. I believe that if we really want to make something happen, if we really make use of our creative gifts, it’s going to work out. Or we wouldn’t have been given those gifts in the first place! I think we are evolving, and the next step is a more conscious expression of humanity as a collective entity. It’s happening more and more. This is what my work is about: connecting you back with your Self, your soul, and with others on that same level. I help you to make co-creative partnerships based on acceptance and recognition of your individual uniqueness and purpose. You’re given permission to dream again and receive support to pursue these dreams. It is your dreams that will inspire you, light you up, give you meaning and move you forward in life with a smile on your face. Trust that it is OK to do that. It’s OK to enjoy yourself. It’s OK to express yourself. You don’t have to do what anybody else requires or expects of you. Be yourself, open your heart, find the aspiration, the creative impulse within and follow that. Inside you, you will discover immense love and joy, and remember your essential benevolence. We all share the same essence and a desire to do good and be happy. So, make that connection in your heart, connect with others, with soul mates, and see what happens. Maybe you’ll embark on a project together, maybe you’ll find a romantic partner, maybe you’ll connect deeply with someone and never see that person again, but isn’t a single, magical moment of soul connection something to treasure in this great city we live in?

[fiftyshadesofkraay]

How to make time go by faster? How to make time go by slower?

Faster? Well, that’s not something I aim to do much anymore. But I suppose taking a book or notebook/pen with you wherever you go, or paying attention to the space around you and embracing that boredom can be an opportunity to foster grounds for creative thinking and mindfulness could be helpful. Both these tactics work for me when surprised by moments of waiting, and the latter especially when I’m at a party or some other place where I feel awkward and I don’t know what to do with my hands.

Slower -- breathing works for me when I need to stay present in the moment, especially when panic arises from too much muchness -- when everything seems to be happening at once. Attention to breath. Deep inhales through the nose, counting those, then releasing complete exhales through the nose, trying to match the durations of exhales/inhales. Leaving space to hold breath at the top and bottom of each breath for the same counts. Square breathing, they call it. I guess it was taken from a marine forces training for stressful combat situations, but I first heard it in theater training and yoga classes.

In the larger sense -- I’ve been trying to find more moments to stop. To wait. To wander To be and observe. Getting away from the computer, the phone, the internet. Long walks. Meditation. Alexander Technique. Listening to music. Playing music. This helps me stretch time, creating spaciousness, which is helpful for me in my writing and art, but also for me as a human being.

What works for you?