#also had to reference MY favorite ghost...the GOAT...the box ghost...

[wingherc]

｢𓆄｣ Yuck...Whatever this green goop was, it was getting stuck on the rubber soles of his shoes, and the tips of his feathers that touched the ground. Even trying to flare his wings to shake it off wasn't exactly helping.

It made the wings adorning his back heavy, making them drag even further to the ground as they were basically working like a large siphon. That might not be good.

"Nope. Sorry. Still alive. All flesh and blood right here." To prove his point, he pulled at the dimple of his cheek, stretching it until it was taut. "See!"

"I think this is my business, since I've been oh so kindly swept to this goopy world: define easier. Is this place dangerous?"

"...And do I smell damp cardboard?"

@wingherc we are fighting god?

          if pressed, danny wasn’t sure he could tell someone what he dreamed about on a nightly basis. his days were so filled with chaos, attending high school, fighting ghosts, juggling his social life with sam and tucker and keeping ahead of his parent’s ghost hunting, that he didn’t spend much of his time sleeping anyway. so what he actually dreamt of when he got the chance to? well, that hadn’t seemed to matter as much. at least not since he’d beaten nocturne and his sleepwalkers and driven them out of amity park. so it was a surprise even to danny when green unfurled around him, ectoplasm seeping into the atmosphere and swirling across his vision until danny found himself in a perfect replica of the ghost zone.

     well. he hadn’t expected that to happen. nor did he expect to be met with the fact that he’d accidentally dragged someone else into this dream ghost zone. but a turn of his head was all it took to reveal the winged man beside him, and danny couldn’t help the grimace that twisted his mouth at the realization.

     ❝ Heck. You’re not, like, a ghost or anything by chance, are you? Cause let me tell you, it would make it much easier on me if you were. ❞

[wazafam]

Over the years, Hollywood has approached the subject of religion in a myriad of ways. Some movies have taken a straightforward route; such was the case for The Two Popes, one of Netflix’s best original films. There are also movies that delved into the concept of religious figures (often, a priest) fighting against evil.

RELATED: 10 Modern Comedy Films Perfect For Fans Of The Goonies

On the other hand, some films have taken a more comedic route. In fact, they feature several nun and priest characters that may behave silly and even deliver comical punch lines, often portrayed by some of the most beloved Hollywood actors.

10 Ginevra

Ginevra is a nun character portrayed by actress Kate Micucci in the raunchy 2017 comedy The Little Hours. Set in the Middle Ages, the film centers on a young servant (Dave Franco) who decides to flee from his master and take refuge in a convent full of unstable nuns.

In fact, his arrival triggers an awakening within them, making them behave crazily. In one scene, Ginevra confesses to having impure thoughts (aside from eating an entire turnip and forgetting to share it with the other sisters). Interestingly, Micucci also told Roger Ebert, “I’ve always wanted to be a nun.”

9 Father Thomas

In the beginning of Sister Act 2, Father Thomas (Brad Sullivan) was the grouchy Latin teacher that gave students a hard time, especially those who have signed up to join the school choir. Throughout the movie, Father Thomas would regularly support Father Maurice’s (Barnard Hughes) decisions, especially when they concern Deloris (Whoopi Goldberg) and her choir.

Eventually, however, the priests came around. And when Mr. Crisp (James Coburn) tried to stop their school choir from performing, the priests locked him inside the cabinet and Father Thomas amusingly led the group as they prayed for forgiveness for what they’ve done.

8 Father Brian Finn

Edward Norton’s Father Finn is a character in the 2000 romantic comedy Keeping the Faith. The film centers around two friends, a priest (Norton) and a rabbi (Ben Stiller) who end up competing for the affections of the same woman (Jenna Elfman).

RELATED: The 10 Highest-Grossing Comedy Films Of The 2010s, Ranked (According To Box Office Mojo)

In addition, Norton also did double duties, directing the film himself. Of his directing experience, he told Interview, “It takes a lot out of you; it takes a lot out of the rest of your life…” Unfortunately, critics were left unimpressed by Keeping the Faith overall.

7 Sister Mary Robert

Sister Mary Robert (Wendy Makkena) is the nun who easily befriends Deloris in the classic nun movie, Sister Act. She even ends up in a bar where she thought Deloris was “ministering to winos.” Aside from delivering some comedic moments, Sister Mary Robert is also best known for showing off her singing voice later on in the movie.

As it turns out, though, it was a combination of talent that was used for this scene. “So, the amazing Andrea Robinson sings the parts of Sister Mary Robert,” Makkena told Creative Pois-On. “But she is overlapped with my own voice.”

6 Father Gerald

Four Weddings and a Funeral is considered one of the best wedding movies from the 90s. One of the minor characters in the movie is Father Gerald who makes a memorable appearance despite his short screen time. This might have something to do with the fact that the man portraying the character is British comic Rowan Atkinson.

In the scene where he conducts the wedding ceremony, he memorably refers to the Holy Ghost as the “holy goat.” To this day, it remains one of Atkinson’s most praised roles.

5 Father Tommasso

Father Tommasso (John C. Reilly) is the priest that lives with the sexually awakened nuns in The Little Hours. In the movie, he often heard their confessions, and sometimes, he would even give them honest feedback. For instance, when Franco’s Massetto confessed to sleeping with another man’s wife, the priest confirmed that he committed adultery.

And when Massetto revealed they engaged in a specific sexual act, the priest claimed it to be an act of sodomy. Meanwhile, it must also be noted that it was Tommasso’s idea for Massetto to pretend he’s deaf so that the sisters wouldn’t touch him.

4 Sister Mary Patrick

Sister Mary Patrick (Kathy Najimy) is the cheerful nun who delivered some memorable, lighthearted moments in Sister Act. Among these was the time when she joined Deloris and Sister Mary Robert at the bar and decided she would do some dancing. She picked her favorite song and started dancing with one of the women at the bar.

RELATED: My Blue Heaven & The 9 Other Best Mob Comedies, Ranked According To IMDb

Meanwhile, this nun is also known for keeping the mood positive regardless of the situation that she and other nuns are facing. Recently, Najimy revealed that she will be reprising her character in the upcoming Sister Act sequel for Disney+.

3 Father Williams

In the 2013 parody movie A Haunted House, Father Williams (Cedric the Entertainer) is the priest who gets called into a home after a husband (Marlon Wayans) realizes that his wife (Essence Atkins) has been possessed by a demon. When he goes to see her, Father Williams memorably declares, “I’m here to exorcise your b****, man.”

Despite all of the film’s funny moments, A Haunted House falls slightly short in being considered one of the most successful horror parodies in cinema today. Nonetheless, it does offer one some amusement.

2 Sister Deloris

Sister Deloris may not be a real nun, but she very much portrayed one throughout most of Sister Act. And because is Whoopi Goldberg who portrays her, Deloris became one of the most hilarious nuns we’ve seen on the big screen.

Interestingly, Goldberg wasn’t the first actress that production thought of when they were casting for Deloris. “But it was originally [conceived] for Bette Midler,” Goldberg revealed to Entertainment Weekly. “So, it was written for somebody who could sing.” In the end, though, Goldberg owned the character, which became one of her most iconic ones.

1 Reverend Frank

Over the years, the late comedian, Robin Williams, had taken on a number of different cinematic roles. In License to Wed, he was Reverend Frank, a local priest who agrees to wed a couple (Mandy Moore and John Krasinski) only after they pass a marriage preparation course.

Throughout the movie, he puts the couple through hell, to the point that they even questioned why they’re together. In the end, though, there’s a meaningful lesson, along with several comedic moments. Watching this movie is certainly a great way to remember the late actor.

NEXT: 10 Best Under-The-Radar Comedy Movies To Watch On Netflix Right Now

Top 10 Funniest Priests & Nuns On Screen | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/3qWfky9

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 4

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Scarecrows (1988) *Through betrayal, and hellish karma, a well armed and military trained heist squad has to ditch flying, under the radar, and land in a demonic cornfield next to an abandoned and creepy farmhouse.* 2 1/2 stars

Fright Night Part 2 - (1988) *In therapy for vampire paranoia. driving around in a yellow mustang -like Kolchak the Night Stalker -another vampire hunter. take the skinheads bowling. werewolf with a mullet. performance artists worse than plague. Elvira tries to replace Vincent Price on late night. Salma Hayek esque lioness snakecharms her own Edward Cullen that she can firepoker for eternity.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: "It's A Miserable Life" *A worse fate than getting gunned down running the burger drive thru, late at night, is being stuck in a death-dream where you can't quit your burger drive thru job.* 1 1/2 stars *An unlucky (Friday 13th) 'new blood' drifts into the nightmare ward of the hospital.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Home Sweet Zombie *Zombies in Tornado Alley. firefighter zombies. Jamaican bbq rat. Murphy-- my favorite asshole of the apocalypse. powerdrill skull surgery. playing cards for pills. electric- picket-fence and nice lawn. sympathy for the z. Wizard of Oz munchkin joke after a zombie-nado.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Resurrection Z *Religious nuts who worship zombies (seen that before). safe haven that's not so safe (seen that before). wolves in sheep's khakis. clean and bathed zombie apocalypse survivors (I like that better than the filthy TWD). turning Z for the Lord. zombie food fight. Murphy's Z immunity. Zombiefreak Jerry Falwell gonna turn you z to save thee. Murphy- Messiah of the Nation Z. Z Nation's 'Rick' more heroic than TWD's Rick?* 2 1/2 stars

"Hack-O-Lantern" *Pumpkin' lovin', prissy, and pretentious paw paw wants his grandson (that he, himself,  fathered on his daughter's wedding day) to grow up to be Lucifer's lantern. The boy comes of age and is a menace, daydreaming, with his headphones on, about being heavymetal seduced by Pat Benatar and Queen of the Damned-- Aaliyah, keeping an altar to the goat one and candles from bed-bath-beyond, having a pentagram tattooed butt cheek showing, in  public, punk girlfriend & doing prison yard exercises-- locked away in his room all day preparing for his ascension.  Plus a creep, in a cheap mask, carving people up. This kind of crap had cornpones carried away with the occult.* 1 1/2 stars

--- Paranormal State: Season 1 episode 1

*These ghost hunting shows can really oversell and under deliver in thrills.

Ghost Adventures has nice cinematography when they're showing the spooky places, but when they  turn the lights off the three jerks go a little too over the  top in their moronic pursuit of the paranormal.

Ghost Hunters is bland. Just a group of average joes who look like they're tired from working a day job.

"Hunters" has nothing that's aesthetically pleasing or interesting in its framing and when they turn the lights off it's just as underwhelming as the rest of them.

This show, Paranormal State, suffers the same fate, with the phony tech and justifying the so-called bumps in the night as ghosts, but I do like the 'earnestness' and the cast of college age investigators and in this episode they at least make an awkward little boy feel good about himself and relieve his family of related stress.

It doesn't get to the point of  exploiting the kid & family as they're entertaining us with a spook reality tale, I guess.*

2 1/2 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------

Crystal Lake Memories -----------------------------

*Part 1: Filmmakers advertise and promise the most scary movie ever, without even having any idea what kind of movie they're going to make. The film surprises everyone in just how huge it is. Actors and crew look back fondly, and without regret, on the phenomena and impact it had on their lives/careers.

Part 2: No one can figure out how/why there's another one and how/why Jason is in it. Special fx guru backs out.  Another group of young victims. Dueling actors taking credit for work of grown Jason. Movie is a hit.

Part 3: 3D gimmick is introduced. The show is moved to a warmer climate. Inventive 3D kills. Jason gets his iconic hockey mask.

Part 4, The Final Chapter: A new slasher director is chosen. Salty old stuntman dawns the mask. Jason's father, Tom Savini, returns to kill his creation. Jason's 'zombie' tendencies are mentioned. No one in the production believes a runt, like Corey Feldman, can go toe to toe with Vorhees. Filmmakers try to tie the series together, while fans find plotholes in between the events of all these. It's decided characters are more important than kills. Everyone loves Crispin's eccentricities. Actors go through hell to get the stunts shot. Filmmakers are able to get most of the film past the censor board and to the audience where it once again is a hit.

Part 5, A New Beginning: New exploitation director. Method actor tries to decide whether Tommy is a monster or victim. Feldman is too busy to come back for more than just a cameo. Actors are initially kept in the dark about being in a Friday the 13th movie until Jason shows up on the set. New, secretive killer. High body count. Everyone agrees that this movie is sleazy. A real life playboy bunny who happens to be named vorhees joins cast. The director gets unprofessional and raunchy with his actors' scenes to the shock of other production crew. A lot of Rated X material gets cut from film. Continuity problems in the editing process isn't given a fuck about. Fans disappointed it is not actually Jason. It's compared to Halloween 3.

Part 6, Jason Lives: New director wants gothic horror like Frankenstein. Tommy no longer crazy, he becomes the series -Van Helsing- misunderstood hero. A lightning bolt resurrection makes Jason an unstoppable force. Tongue and cheek elements also infused. Feisty final girl chosen. Self aware humor laced throughout. The cast is chosen to be likeable. Jokes set up for audience participation. Lighter, more family atmosphere compared to part 5. Producer is criticized for being a cheapskate. Improvisation makes the film even better. A sense of mythology comes into play. Cliffhanger ending, about Jason's father, never used. Pop element added with Alice Cooper's song. Sadly, this Jason loses at the box office, but  Jason Lives lives big at the videostore where fans ripped off by part 5 come back to series.

Friday, The Thirteenth, the series: Not completely related to films, a late night tv horror series is born. It had to be cheap and it had to be scary, the premise being cursed antiques. Some fans feel left out with the series not having Jason in physical form in it. Big name directors like Cronenberg take part. Syndication allows for creativity. The shows splatter and occult nature comes under fire when it moves to primetime.

Part 7, The New Blood: Jason gets a reluctant director and a powerful new foe. A character with a scarred Crystal Lake history is born to replace Tommy. A superb stuntman takes on the role of Jason and emotes like none before under the mask and makeup. A lot of gay actors are hired giving the chemistry an interesting challenge. Ratings board ruins as many kills as they can. The movie's real horror is the swamp setting filled with real gators. Stunts are favored over makeup fx. Non-horror-fan producer clashes with director. A lot of the annoying cunt producer's decisions override the director's great fx. Fans want a director's cut that they'll never get because paramount destroys outtakes. jason loses out to Freddy at the box office. The final girls all want to return to series.

Part 8, Takes Manhattan: It's decided that Jason needs to take on bigger fish. Budget restraints make the ambitious  nature of the film shrivel to an extent. Jason's physical design is always changing. Fans challenge logic and continuity. How did Crystal Lake attach to the ocean? the new heroine is aquaphobic and menaced by her uncle as much as the boogeyman. Being not as gore ridden, this incarnation is referred to as the Disney Friday the 13th. Jason continues to defy logic because filmmakers just don't care. Established actor dislikes his demise. Film not really filmed in Manhattan for the most part, except for great Times Square shots. Toxic waste sewer silliness brings boy jason back. NYC officials do not love 'Jason loves NYC' slasher poster. The new setting and advertising campaign makes Jason more pop culture. But the series  suffers decline in quality and box office returns. Longtime producer leaves series.

Part 9, Goes to Hell: Original creator returns and wants to make Freddy v. Jason. Freddy's home, New Line Cinema, takes over. Producers shake up things and lose hockey mask. the Jason zombie is killed to attempt to build a new mythology for the series. A young, enthusiastic crew ponder whether they got in over their heads. the series' cliches are skewered. An ensemble cast replaces the typical teenager victims. Jason gets a sibling like Laurie Strode. KNB creates gore filled naked special fx. Homoerotic shaving scene is added to counter sexist kills. Subversive and taboo is the director's goal. Filmmakers find a way to keep gore scenes from disappearing forever by submitting one version to theaters and rating board and an uncut home video version. Actress not happy with distasteful demon lizard rape scene added to film without her knowledge or approval. Demonic puppets scene, sadly, left out of film. Fan service, Freddy featured, shock ending added. A lot of fans disappointed in not having an 'all Jason- all the time' movie.

Jason X: A stalled 'slasher legends' showdown causes filmmakers to look for new ideas. What some might have seen as a silly sci fi premise, and a popsicle boogeyman, get shifted into the hands of an interesting creative team, including an offshoot of Cronenberg, and a Cronenberg cameo. Sex and slashing carries on into the stars. Digital fx sub for ambitious splatter and setting. Jason X has to keep up with the Screams and I Know What You Dids. Thanks to future tech, cyborg jason is born. Management issues with New Line, and a fading genre, allow Jason X to sit in limbo for years. When it is released, it's the poorest received of the series. The crew defends its legacy.

Freddy vs. Jason: A lot of potential freddy v. jason filmmakers were in love with their script ideas. people gave up other opportunities to be involved with the film. Jackie Chan replaces Kane Hodder, jk, about Jackie Chan, Hodder leaves. This Jason gets special treatment and his own stuntman. Jason becomes an introspective character. Original writers want to take zero credit for Jason's added fear of water. The logic of Crystal Lake being so near Freddy's hometown is questioned. Climax, unintentionally, becomes comedic. So many are letdown about the smackdown dominating the scares.

Remake: Michael Bay and friends begin the 2000s with cashing in on 70s and 80s slasher film  After butchering Texas Chainsaw, the next target is Jason. A complete Pscyho remake style remake  is tossed aside, thankfully for something else. Jason goes home to texas? backwoods. Filmmakers try to skirt this issue by saying there's Crystal Lakes all over the states.  The new Jason is sort of a freak, himself, and a fan of the series. Jason goes back to running instead of magic walking. Stereotype campers return, unlikeable, for the most part. No interesting twists and a yawn ending. Hardcore fans try to kill the film, but it still does well among remakes. Jerk- cast and crew diss the fans for not liking their reimagining of the series.

Overview: everyone is proud to have been in the series.*

2 1/2 stars

--------------------------------------------------------------------

ABC & Disney Halloween (10-29-1989) --------------

*A security guard, at a Disney museum, channels Dana Carvey with his impressions, then talks  to a pumpkin head version of himself in a magic crystal ball.

The magic ball shows him Donald's nephews going trick or treat.

Newscasters from the Bay Area thank citizens for positive response to 89 earthquake relief.

Movie legend Peter Graves shows us the new 'not your father's' Oldsmobile.

An 80s aerobics chick clad in spandex talks about her comfy clothes and shoes.

Disney's Splash Mountain might look fun, but the only way out is a long... way... down (weeeee).

A witchy casts a spell on Donald's duck feet to make him dance to her beat.

A ghostly, evil cat gets Pluto all riled up luring him into a trap/trial where his crimes against cats are brought out. The hissing cats animation/sound fx are great. the cats plan to roast poor pluto with flames that come alive. however, it's all a bad dream where pluto slept with his toosh to close to a fire. there's a sweet ending where pluto makes peace with a kitten.

If you're an 80s bizness professional, Lens Crafters can set you up with some giant grandma glasses.

Pumpkin head shows us the true icon of Halloween, a pumpkin, in Disney's Sleepy Hollow adaptation.

In colonial New England, the animals even loved to drink a good ale. Crane keeps a snack pie in his school book. The bully tries to pass off a big boned woman to puny Crane.

Safeway brings us a safe way to carve pumpkins for little ones.

Turbo Grafx 16 is turbo charged.

The stick figure Crane pigs out while Bones tries to exploit his fraidy cat nature with a good tale. We know the rest.

In a surreal, silly twist pumpkin head switches places with the security guard.

Try a little tenderness on tropical aisle with a cat eyed beauty and a bounty coconut chocolate bar.

Feed your baby 'pear flavored gerber and get prodigy for your pc and your baby.

The Real Ghostbusters 'Halloween Door' is up

after a teen girl sitcom called "Free Spirit" --Halloween special-- (which I skip thru but can appreciate for its cheesiness)

We now return to Ghostbusters. Slimer has decided to go as Peter for Halloween. Slimer ruins Peter's hot date.Citizens United Against Halloween and Lots of other Stuff We Don't Like (basically anything fun for kids) seeks the Ghostbusters help. The stuffy jerks use a big mad scientist deathray to almost ruin Halloween. Instead, it opens a door, in a red sky, for demons. We get a musical number, from beyond style. Luckily, one Drew Barrymore esque little girl is the key to saving the day with her dedication to trick or treating.

ABC ends their halloween special with a truly frightful creature feature... The Last Days of Richard Nixon...oooh.*

2 1/2 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Swamp Thing: The Living Image *Dr. Arcane tortures Swamp Thing with the memory of his dead wife by using a plastic surgery floozy clone. This show reminds me of a very unselfaware version of Garth Marenghi's Darkplace.* 1 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Gateway Shuffle *Ma Barker's eco-terrorists. damsel in distress. monkey virus.* 3 stars

Downtown Julie Brown presents MTV's Rocky Horror Video Show (Richard O'Brien hosts) -----------------------

*musical numbers from the motion picture.

Herbie Hancock plays a casio keyboard with funky animation.

Martin Short is a fugitive.

Subscribe to Playboy magazine and have a closet full of great writing and women, also a sensual collection of centerfolds on vhs.

"Knock Knock, it's Randy." MTV Halloween, let him in, whoever he is. He sounds like Jack from  The Shining.

Kurt Loder used to be a music journalist / walking dead zombie.

1 900 Hot Rock can win you your own PEPSI vending machine and a limo ride.

Don't be an 80s yuppie with dandruff, use Head & Shoulders and get laid.

Stop running in place, it messes up your feathered hairdo and you could be in art school at the art institute.

Time Life Video presents classic Universal horror movies like Frankenstein for the introductory price of 14.99, have your credit card ready.

I love those blue backgrounds with the huge yellow type, and I love the old creative MTV logo ads.*

3 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wonderful World of Disney's 'The Great Cat Family' *Walt, himself, tells us about one of his favorite species, focusing on the domestic cat. We drift back to Egyptian time wherethere were hieroglyphics and monuments to the animals that they were able to tame. Even 3 thousand years ago, people used silly 'here kitty' noises to gain the confidence of the feline. Cats, on the other hand, always toyed with man, and might have used man as much as man used him. Basically, Egyptians would have loved cat videos. Elaborate cat funerals were held where cats got bowls of milk for eternity. At the risk of death, cats were smuggled out of Egypt. Cats became common but retained their uncommon nature. Cats saved mankind from plague and famine. Even though this great service helped man, superstition led to cats being hunted as evil because of their nocturnal habits.* 2 1/2 stars

Garfield's Halloween (10-24-86) --------------------

*garfield is disturbed from a nap by binky the clown, warning garfield to get into shape in order to get halloween candy!

Scared Silly starring Ronald McDonald and the Chicken MCNuggets.McNuggets were invented by graverobbers, oddly enough.

Odie wears a pumpkin head and laps water.

Garfield does standup about Odie's ugliness and realizes he can exploit Odie for twice the candy.

Garfield points out how his owner, John, could be on the tv show 'Hoarders.'

Orange Beard the pirate steals some of John's pumpkin pie and introduces Odie, the stupid, his first mate. Garfield realizes he may be a little too timid to go trick or treating, even though he boasts to the opposite.

What do you put in your McDonald's Halloween McPumpkin? Collect all 3.

Simon's mysterious past is revealed in The Wizard.

Stop the Madness, don't use drugs says Jane Wymann.

Garfield and Odie float down a river to a spooky house on a small island. The home is inhabited by a disturbing looking old man who could easily fit in on Ren & Stimpy. He tells the two household pets a hundred year old story about pirates and buried treasure. Oh, crap, it's John Carpenter's 'The Fog.' Garfield is ready to leave the island but the old man steals the boat and the candy. The ghost pirates arrive at midnight, odie blows their cover, they try to swim for it, garfield almost drowns, odie saves him, the candy is found on the shore, garfield shares with odie. garfield skips the all night pirate movie marathon and sleeps instead.*

3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State season 1 episode 2 *A single mother and her teenage son struggle, with angst and sorrow, living in a house where a 19th century family was brutally murdered. The lead investigator and his eccentric medium pass notes about a demonic name both have stuck on the tip of their tongue. famous Amityville demonologist called in. Nothing really out of the ordinary happens, aside from people knowing about the home's history, which anyone could look up and be bothered by, and the typical responses of the so called experts. Mostly it's tired college kids, in pajama pants, spending the night with a family who could use some real therapy and not any bumps in the night or spooky atmosphere to entertain the viewer.* 1 1/2 stars

Donald Pleasance hosts Saturday Night Live -- Halloween edition ----------

*Pleasance performs field surgery in a gruesome Monty Python esque sketch set in the days of the British empire.

Joggers, on a nice Autumn day in Central Park, step in some sticky goo in the Jogger Roach Motel.

Joe Piscapo in the Two Faces of Jerry Lewis with Eddie Murphy as Jerry's goofy side, and Piscapo as his aggressively angry side.

A Patsy Cline type whitetrash housewife sings a song about killing her husband as he sits at the table with a knife sticking out of his back.

Japanese honor suicide style pumpkin carving.

Eddie Murphy promises 16 different ways to kick someone in the groin as a Guardian Angel walking thru Harlem, at 3 in the morning, with 3 gold chains around yo neck (one way to stop it is to have trick shop snot hanging from your nostril).

Comedian and juggler Michael Davis on the dangers of Halloween... the razor blade in the apple is demonstrated  in a way that more helps the prankster than the victim (ha), and he's forced to juggle the razorblade apples and eat them.

Bill Murray's brother tells us the SNl news stories: a Piscapo impersonation of Frank Sinatra being a mafia man for President Regan bombs really hard with the audience, burning flags for the energy  crisis, the weather girl gets robbed and borrows a slutty outfit from her friend, Eddie Murphy is the nation of Islam grindhouse movie correspondent who critiques tha bruthas movie watching habits of enjoying rich white honkys get killed,

that's the news.

Three jazzy witches sing about MacBeth (Pleasance) at a smoky cauldron.

Musical guest: Fear 'Don't Care About You.'

Hitchcock parody 'The Clams' a Brian DePalma film, rated R for Rip OFF.

Theater patrons have a social breakdown in a bathroom over society's rudeness and misfortune.

Joe Piscapo and his wife drink cups full of sugar for breakfast and kids join them for even more sugary sweetness.

Andy Warhol's Tv: Andy calls his friends, like Calvin Klein, to ask them what they're wearing, before green screen losing his head.

Amateur super 8 or 16mm or videocasette home movies are made fun of by a SNL castlady.

Scare Me, on the Vic Salukin Show, as he offers a hundred bucks to be scared by any caller and gets a strange call from a stalker (Donald Pleasance).

Fear returns with a mosh pit and sing songs about how New York is alright if you like to get raped or murdered or if you like saxophones.

Tomorrow's great  writers are coming from prisons in a documentary look featuring one Eddie Murphy and his poem titled 'Kill My Landlord.'*

2 stars (3 for Eddie)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walt Disney presents: Our Unsung Villains *Walt summons the slave in the magic mirror to the broadcast. The Big, Bad Wolf is shown in a different light as a family man just lookin' to bring home the bacon. Snow White's evil queen is seen as self-sacrificing. Yes'm villains is important, just let Uncle Remus show us a hongry fox and bear after a po' rabbit. They'z dumbasses. Finally, the man in the magic mirror points out poor Capn' Hook's disadvantages in facing off against the flying, fairy-having Peter Pan.* 2 stars

The Elvira Show (unreleased pilot) (1992) *Elvira gives inept psychic readings and love potions to suburban women. Elvira has a sarcastic talking cat. Elvira has a witchy aunt. They live in Manhattan, Kansas. A bohunk, in a candadian tuxedo, shows up seeking mystical aid. Elvira acts seductive for the studio audience to hoot for. She shows off her cleavage. Elvira meets her girl scout niece. Chip, the bohunk, turns out to be an undercover cop, in a sting operation, looking to bust the new witches, in town, for selling dangerous potions. Elvira uses a spell to make him stiff. Elvira's niece is a reluctant witch, too, I'd watch this show over Charmed anyday. I guess this was too raunchy for prudish sitcom tv.* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: Four Walls and a Roof *Sadistic and satisfying way to play with expectations of the viewer. Now, we can maybe move on to something different on the show and not spend half a season dealing with the same threats and pretty much predicting the framework. The teaser for the fate of a missing character also hints at hopefully better things to come.* 3 stars

South Park: Handicar *The throwback, tribute to 40s/70s cartoons, element is a nice distraction from the usual social b.s. message of the show.* 2 1/2 stars

Squidbillies: Bunker Down, You Hairy Dawg! *A depraved Jed Clampett punctures holes in the logic of doomsday preppers.* 3 stars

Mr. Pickles: Loose Tooth *The shifty animation style is welcomingly more disturbing than the painful attempts at shock-humor situations. On first viewing, it's just a nose ahead of the awful Brickleberry in humor quality.* 2 stars

Adult Swim, parody info-mercials ------------------------

*The Salad MiXXXer-- Sharp, but not as sharp as a Ginsu knife, shot at 50s suburbia and naive everyman sales pitch folks from that era. Just as raunchy as you'd expect from a joke about vibrators being used as "kitchen aides."        2 1/2 stars

Fartcopter-- Bratty, tween boys want farts or they'll get violent. It stops being a fake infomercial halfway thru and turns into a Jerry Springer dysfunctional family parody mixed with some message about army drones.* 2 stars

Alpha Chow-- Straightfaced, for the most part, and spot on in production, parody of supplement taking or lifestyle changing infomercials- where if you were flipping the channel, you might be tricked until you see the creepy midgets in werewolf makeup. Tries to be disturbing and succeeds.* 3 stars

Goth Fitness-- Again, this info-parody starts out mostly serious in tone, with making fun of two fads, but it might be a little dated with the Goth stuff and it turns into a bad SNL/MadTV/ComedyCentral sketch show skit by the end.*       2 stars

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Joe Bob's Hollywood Saturday Night with special guest star Tippi Hedren -- star of-- Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" (Great insight into the movie's production and you get to see Joe Bob's love of movies) *A free-spirit and a gamesman go toe to goe. Set against the backdrop of isolation, brooding parental displeasure, and a plague of terrible proportions.* 3 stars

Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital' *"You can let go, now, Elmer. It's over." The show's like Scrubs meets Twin Peaks.*  2 1/2 stars

"Let Sleeping Corpses Lie" (1974) *A new form of pest irradication is wreaking havoc on the nervous systems of newborns, the nutters, and the necro.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: "The Inheritance" *Two distant relatives inherit an occult antiques store and a little girl must be stopped  from keeping the demonic doll she was allowed to be gifted from there. Along with an expert, of the occult, the cousins must retrieve all the lost and evil antiques.* 3 stars

American Horror Story--- Freakshow: "Massacres and Matinees *Gacy & Bundy team up. Dad and his dick-having girlfriend debut. "Dream a little dream."* 2 1/2 stars

The Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror (1990) -------------

*Bad Dream House: A haunted house rejects cohabitation haunting Homer and family.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hungry Are the Damned: 'To Serve Man' a Simpsons botched close encounter.* 3 stars

*The Raven: A Poe retelling has Homer seeing red and Bart eating crow.*          2 stars

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Mr. Pickles: 'Dead Man's Curve' *Bloodthirsty dog afraid of the noise a vac makes. A long thought dead drag-racer, from the 50s, returns from the car graveyard to face culture shock in a sadistic modern town.* 2 stars

Regular Show, Halloween -----------------------------

(on the way to a costume party, scary tales are told)

*Payback: Modercai's uncle, who died in a horrible bowling alley accident, returns, from the grave, to give back the five bucks he was loaned.* 2 1/2 stars

*Party Bus: Dance til you drop dead.* 2 stars

*Wallpaper Man: Hiring a humanoid spider conman to get out of a chore has the boys, and Pops, cornered in a web.* 2 stars

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Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina, The Teenage Witch) hosts Nickelodeon's presentation of 'Cry Baby Lane' 2000 *An inept mortician/taxidermist (awesomely portrayed by Frank Langella) shares a suburban legend with two boys and sets in motion the events that lead to half the town's residents becoming the wormy servants of a sawed-in-half Siamese stiff.* 3 stars

Ernest Scared Stupid *Letting the town children go off into the woods, alone, with Goober Pyle is a lot scarier thought than any Snot Troll.* 1 1/2 stars

Ghost Adventures: Island of the Dolls *In a part of Mexico where Aztec superstition causes a regretful drunk to honor a girl, who drowned, by littering an island, in a canal, with refuse dolls-- a grown man, in an undersized muscleshirt, gel in his hair, and expensive sunglasses on his face, runs around having a 'ghost adventure' with his brought along 'world's most haunted doll.'* 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: "Killer Instinct" -----------

*A leggy Lori Petty tries to get ahead, but loses her's instead.* 2 1/2 stars

*The ghost of Lori goes Freddy on her grieving boyfriend and her guilty bestfriend. There was a glaring difference between Lori and her zombie stand-in.* 2 stars

---------------------

Popcorn (1991) *A sloppy smooch to schlocky movies.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: The Death of Dr. Arcane *Swamp Thing restores his deceased devil, and makes a deal with him, in order to save a kidnapped boy.* 2 1/2 stars

The Boogens (1981) *A couple of young professionals, their girlfriends, and a feisty dog- show up up in a snowy mountain town at the spark of the re-emergence of a species of POV tentacle monsters that last feasted on a group of miners- more than half a century before.* 3 stars

The Legend of Hell House (1973) *Richard Matheson brings his scientific-technical approach to spiritual horror.* 3 stars

Mickie Mouse, Halloween -----------

*Ghoul Friend: A goofy zombie helps Mickie out with car trouble on a desolate, spooky road.* 3 stars

*The Boiler Room: Minnie's apartment's furnace is in horrific pain.* 2 stars

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"One Dark Night" (1982) *A mousey Meg Tilly is hazed where a powerful, homicidal telepathic has just been entombed.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: 'Don't Mess With the Money Make' *The brain-dead film crew have an unimpressive, bothersome meeting with the prudish city council lady, and a crucial cemetery gore shot is almost "ruined" by an actual funeral and an inept, intoxicated actor.* 2 stars

"WNUF tv28 Halloween Special" *Faithful recreation and satire of a 'Anywhere, USA' local television station, from the mid 1980s, news special and cheesy advertising.* 3 stars

"Pieces" (1982)  -uncut- *Giallo puzzler. Gabby dubbing. Gag-fly gobs of gore.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Freddy's Tricks and Treats ----------------

*An overworked medical student spends the night with an imaginary friend, a corpse, and Freddy as she relives the torture of a tyrannical, Puritanical grandma.* 3 stars

*The same girl, from the first story, is used as a guinea pig in a classmate's dream recording experiments.* 3 stars

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Paranormal State season one episode three *"Chilling" chaos in a cluttered mobile home.* 2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: The Brotherhood of the Night *Werewolf bandits, around the jungles of Washington D.C., seek to add a lava-worm controlling wizard to the pack.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Welcome to Fu-Bar *Micchone still grieving over the death of Rick. Gun shows in Kansas after the apocalypse (I can see that happening). Citizen Z memorializes Z Nation's 'Rick' over the radio airwaves. TEN K gets a sweetheart. Doc is maybe more likeable  than Dale or Herschel. Murphy freaks out and goes werewolfzombie on a guy, then denies it. Outhouse zombie running around with his pants around his ankles. Bartender zombie. Forecast for a Noah style 'flood-herd' of zombies heading over the plains states.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents "Hawk, the Slayer" *Jack Palance pisses & cusses into the fires of Mordor, while a group of other generic sword and sorcery stereotypes run about with the Green Lantern's sword Excalibur or some crap.* 3 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Z Nation: Zunami *Zombie dust-storm / stampede that's miles wide (pretty scary). Three days without water, dying of thirst (nice showing of the survival element). Citizen Z gets a creepy 'crash visitation.' Murphy sinks to even more of a morbidly humorous low... He burglarizes a poor mom & daughter and then sacrifices them to their missing, and zombified, dad whose fate they were unaware of.*     3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Mystery of the Lizard Men *"Goonies at 2 o'clock!" For the most prized boy in the American superpower, he's sure allowed to be put in perilous predicaments. His bodyguard looks like a semi-retired golf pro.* 3 stars

"Bedlam" *Boris Karloff as a pathetic heel in a tale of snobbish beliefs, so-called savages & deeds of savagery, along  with sterling acts of sympathy.* 3 stars

"Wicked Fascination" ---xxx--- *Spandex workout outfits that are thongs in the back. Aqua-net hairdos. Scuzzy guys with ponytails. White Rebok athletic shoes. Guys who have a similar style to Gerardo aka Rico Suave. Stonewashed, shredded with scissors and possibly jizz stained jeans. Purple zebra striped bikini. Indistinguishable shoulder-blade tattoo designs. Keyboard synth that sounds like you're playing Galaga (not as fun as it sounds, the synth, not Galaga. Galaga is actually fun.) Dangling peace symbol & star of David necklaces during scenes of slow pumping.* 2 stars

Wes Craven presents "Wishmaster" (1997) *Horror characters in minor roles and cameos. Freddy as an ancient arts collector, Jason as a security guard, Candyman as a doorman at a party. A couple too many cheap false scares substituting for genie scares. The special fx are fun though, and the genie's design and presence are memorable.*          2 1/2 stars

"The Hidden" (1987) *The universe's favorite FBI agent, a not Mr. Dale Cooper, is on the hunt for a bodyswapping slug/spider creature who loves Porches, firearms, and rock cassette tapes.* 3 stars

"Visiting Hours" starring Michael Ironside *A chauvinist sadist takes a break from writing angry letters to the national organization of women, and carving up hookers, to target a talky, lady tv journalist who editorialized one too many times about how abuse victims should be able to shoot their hubbies and get away with it.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Murder House -- "Home Invasion" *Kurt Cobain & Corky Love get in the way of the Manson Family wannabes.*      3 stars

The Walking Dead: 'Slab-Town' *Goes from zombie-drama to a women-in-prison feature.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow -- 'Edward Mordrake' *A Victorian era ghost freak is the catalyst to finding out the twisted backstories of most of the characters.* 3 stars

rifftrax presents: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban *"the horrible and the fanciful"* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Gargoyles: Thrill of the Hunt *The littlest gargoyle, Lexington, becomes enamored with a celebrity canine-themed team of gladiators who turn out to not be as heroic as their tv show would have fans believe.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Bob's Birthday *A forty year old dentist is having a midlife crisis, surrounded by eccentric patients, and his quirky wife who tediously plans a mishap filled surprise party for him. The pilot has the same gentle whimsy as Garfield or Charlie Brown, also animated full frontal penis.* 3 stars

Dr. Who (Fourth Doctor - Tom Baker) -- "Planet of Evil" *Interstellar BP scientists are going Mr. Hyde mad over dark energy.* 3 stars

Transformers: Divide and Conquer *As the world's war industries mobilize against the Decipticons, Otimus is gravely injured and a suicide mission to Cybertron is orchestrated in order to retrieve lifesaving repair parts. And we learn a lesson in what it  means to be disabled and still able bodied.* 3 stars

Robert Rodriguez presents "Predators" *Alien versus Academy Award Winner. Adrien Brody and Topher Grace never really gel well with this genre.* 2 stars

Swamp Thing: Legend of the Swamp Maiden *Two juveniles camp out in the swamp on a night when a seductive (nekkid) siren (chick) goes swimming in the moonlight and has the allure / power to turn men into hideous humanoid frog creatures.* 2 1/2 stars

"Alone in the Dark" (1982) *Donald Pleasance runs a really relaxed mental hospital where a prisoner-of-war crazy Jack Palance, a fire-and-brimstone pyromaniac Martin Landau, a hulking-retard rapist of kids, and a nosebleeder killer escape during the chaos of a citywide blackout and target the family of their new doctor. Everyone in this movie has some sort of delusion.* 3 stars

--- Paranormal State: Season 1 Ep 4 -- Investigation of the Dark Man

*A mother, mourning the recent overdose death of her son, spends the weekend with our research team and she, and her  family, share the stories of their lost loved one's struggle with a haunting dating back to a backyard pond drowning of a man years ago when the lost loved one was a boy.

Our lead investigator proclaims 3am an evil time because it's the  exact opposite hour from Christ's death....

Okay... well, what was it before? Just 3am, right? okay...

then a medium calls up on the telephone to tell the mother that her son is telling the medium that the ghost killed him. that's low.

even for a medium, that's fucking low.

followed by a 'third generation pagan' being rowed out, in a boat, on the pond by a devout catholic (go figure) to perform a silly banishing ritual.

third generation, huh? seems like it would be more than that, given how old paganism is.

so, basically your grandma was a pretentious new age pagan, too?

ha. anyway, i guess everything turns out okay because the medium calls back and tells the mom the son has passed on and is happy with grandma in heaven and the college or the folks at a & e do the right thing and get the mom some grief counseling.*

either zero stars (for exploitation)

or 1 1/2 stars (for not bringing enough entertaining scares)

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--- Friday the 13th, the series: "The Poison Pen" *The almost kissing cousins go undercover as monks to stop a powermad Padre's predictions.*  3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Ballad of Fallen Angels *Spike has a bittersweet mafia homecoming complete with gothic church shootout showdown with a Lucifer Morningstar-esque enemy and his gunmen.* 3 stars

World War Z *In an oversaturated genre, it's silly to get stuffy about just another entry into zombie mania. This one feels like a less moody, but just as intense, cousin to the 28 Days series.* 2 1/2 stars

Texas Chainsaw 3D *Leatherface, the avenger. Half the movie, and new story elements opportunity, wasted on going through the motions with a typical sexy young people in peril slasher formula.* 1 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: Haunted House *Zalifianakis joins the guys for a trio of Stooges style unfunny non-humor spookiness.* 1 1/2 stars (3 stars for the "post-show" parody of Chris Hardwick's Talking Dead)

Headbangers Halloween ---------------------

(guests: Alice Cooper, Iggy Pop, Dave Mustaine, Dangerous Toys)

*Black Sabbath - Headless Cross.

Queensryche - Gonna Get Close To You.

Quantum Perm - Because Boys Love Curls.

Call 1 900 New Kids on the Block.

Kiss A Little Longer, Hold Tight A Little Longer, Stay Close A Little Longer with Big Red chewing gum.

You got the fever for corn flavor Pringles Corn Crisps.

Megadeth - No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Europe - Superstitious.

Share a little piece of America, Wrigley's Gum.

For a free Soloflex brochure, call anytime.

Time Life Music presents - Heart Rock.

Quiet Riot - MetalHealth.

King Diamond - Sleepless Nights.

Judas Priest - You Got Another Thing Coming.

Full Tilt Taste, Coors Extra Gold.

Dokken - Dream Warriors.

Motley Crue - Looks That Kill.

When a woman sweats - Secret Sporty Clean.

Women's Secret Confessions.

Overkill - Hello from the Gutter.

Dangerous Toys - Scared.

Annihilator - Allison Hell.

Kiss the Sky with Ocean Pacific.

Lyle Wagoner for the New Generation hair growth system.

Alice Cooper - Poison.

Alice Cooper - Teenage Frankenstein.

Danzig - Mother.

Kiss - I Love It Loud.

Iron Maiden - Can I Play with Madness.

Zed Yago - Black Bone Song.

Ozzy Osbourne - So Tired.

Ozzy Osbourne - Bark at the Moon.

Robert Englund was Freddy but now he is The Phantom of the Opera.

Helloween - Halloween.*

3 stars

--------------------------------

Elvira's Movie Macabre --Halloween special-- "Scared to Death" *Sexual innuendo featuring Elvira* 2 1/2 stars *Shocking suspense innuendo featuring Bela Lugosi.* 2 stars