#also im not rly dead...ish

[cynicallyneutral]

can science explain the reason why i cant even bring myself to pick up this mf eraser on the ground, i literally just need to bend down and get it but nah...ill do everything but pick this up. ill get up, make a sandwich, get water, but picking up that eraser is too much work, ill do it later

[melodramatic-butterfly]

re introduction? / placeholder intro post until i find the time to make it prettier lol / looking for mutuals lol

hi lol

so i used to be super active here from 2016 to 2021 & then i stopped being active bc i moved my the majority of my social life onto discord between gaming & covering songs on youtube & then my discord acct last yr got hacked and then grad school took up my life and still is taking up my life lol

but now im kind of ish back bc i really miss having a community / rly want to find more people who enjoy the same interests as me, so i'd love to meet more mutuals lol & i just want to come back into the interests i used to love but stopped having time for slowly but surely

basic info ❥ my name is Silver ❥ i'm 24 yrs old (25 next month 💀) ❥ i'm a 2nd yr phd student in biomedical sciences lol and im suffering /hj ❥ despite this i only have one braincell ❥ i'm an INFJ Pisces Sun / Leo Moon / Gemini Rising

interests & the actual "looking for mutuals" post ❥ i'm a singer & audio mixer! i cover songs on youtube LOL (or at least i did when i wasnt drowning in school..... but i plan to get back into it lol ❥ i also love running fandubs LOL ive run one for a visual novel called andromeda six that i want to reset / get back into after i pass my qualification exam (uhh at least i hope i will) in may to get my masters bc i am drowning in work but i miss it sm ❥ i primarily cover kpop LOL dreamcatcher & ive are my favorite kpop groups but i love all girl groups from twice, red velvet, blackpink, baby monster, stayc, katseye, g-idle, mamamoo, oh my girl, etc. ❥ currently on a dead by daylight obsession phase - particularly i like watching the comp tournaments on youtube & reading dbd writing pieces, i dont currently play tho lmao ❥ i love astrology so much LOL i enjoy listening to astrology podcasts and learning the nitty gritty details about the math and houses and how it all works together! ❥ i also love tarot but haven't done a reading in forever lol ❥ i love playing visual novels / otome games! cupid parasite is my favorite but i love code realize and collar x malice as well. i also love indie visual novels like the arcana, cinderella phenomenon, and andromeda six

random facts that arent related to looking for mutuals at all ❥ literally im torn between "trying to be hopeful optimist that loves making connections and friendships bc friendship is really magic and what gets everyone thru the hard times" and "god. life is so hard and i feel so dead inside and my soul is gone half the time bc of school and the state of the world LOL" ❥ i feel really bad because i know i had a bunch of mutuals from various fandoms as friends on discord and i got hacked last yr LOL - i hope that everyone on that front is well (hence another reason for this long post and reblog on all of my accounts) ;w; and yea lmao ❥ lol/lmao are just my way of adding periods atp to every statement & my most used emote is the skull emote💀 ❥ i love looking at people's astrology charts LOL -- particularly my friends'

anyhow, thank u for reading! i hope we can become good friends and i'm wishing u a great day/night!

[yuri-cocaine]

trucking along on msq

-bakool ja ja i owe you an apology. i wasn't familiar with your game.

-i ran into some fuckass weirdo who held up the whole run of skydeep cenote to complain about how much they hate msq. holy shit ive never seen anyone do this even for arr and sb. i tried vote kicking but it didnt work :/ block v'runja raqu on balmung to save yourself a big headache

-every zone is gorjus but my fav zone so far is urqopacha, fav zone music is kozama'uka, and fav towns are in yak tel. theres something really cozy about hroth town and mamook is a beautiful stonework city in a blue magical forest. mamook reminds me of lost city of amdapor but Blue. ive headcanoned yuma's hometown of camoa village to be something similar so maybe i can gpose in mamook instead of queueing into amdapor

-zoraal ja is my failhusband. all he does is scowl and want everyone to die in a big war. talking to everyone in the landsguard hq is kinda funny bc they're all like uhhhhh when's commander zoraal ja coming back. is he even coming back or...???

-awwww im glad wuk lamat made koana co-dawnservant ;w; now they can build infrastructure

-gulool ja ja's "oh right" when he tried looked at his brother's head and stopped casting his big fireball is rly sad now bc his brother isn't asleep, he's dead :( imagine living with your brother's dead head grafted onto your body for three years. what if it....starts to smell bad......

-as much as i like wuk lamat, i really didnt enjoy the feats so im really excited to travel xak tural with erenville. shaaloani's desert landscape is also gorjus with the graphics update bc before all that sand would just be a badly textured lump (sagolii desert...)

-the fact that ppl in shaaloani have american accents is taking me out LMFAO

-my theory for why erenville has such a strong icelandic accent is bc in addition to taking an eastern viera name, he also copied the eastern viera accent. as for why vieras living in othard have icelandic accents, uh...other than it being a carry over from ff12, maybe viera language is just. icelandic. but in dalmasca.

-ive always thought sharlayan is the scandinavia of etheirys but they're also greek-ish so who even knows at this point.

-in elpis, there's a sidequest where an ancient has a yellowish cactuar called notos 626 and he couldn't think of a suitable name for it. in urqopacha, the same kind of cactuar is all over the place and they're called notocactuar!!! so in the end, i guess he never named it :0

-why are the nopalitenders so fucked up.......estinien likes eating them tho

-i bet my cowboy boots that the sheriff in town is corrupt and it's up to a rootin' tootin' by god be shootin' young upstart to challenge him and restore peace to the wild west

-and by that, i mean the wol. wol will restore peace. i love that erenville just does not fight at all, so when those mad max from shein lookin ass bandits threatened to hang erenville up by the ears i got so protective of him LMFAO eat the full force of my level 100 burst bitch

-im not fucking bakool ja ja

[xoxojisu]

so im reading the demon slayer manga now bc it was alr spoiled for me so i figured why wait for the movies just read it so now im reading and @suniix was SO RIGHT. SOBBINGGGGGGG. manga spoilers below

kanao :(((( sweet girl is finally crying :(((( i love that she went "i am kanao tsuyuri. younger sister of kanae kocho and shinobu kocho." LIKE YESSSS TELL HIMMMM. anyways absolutely sobbing i am destroyed. dead now kill me now. shinobu popped off for dying so nobly and avenging kanae. samesies for kanao now go marry tanjiro. either way it was so meaningful how they all got the revenge they wanted <33 TAKE THAT DOUMA.

akaza's love story was so unexpectedly sweet? his story was lowk so cliche but i absolutely ADORED it nonetheless. not much to say there bc i have no complaints :) very sweet and very vanilla-ish

GENYA AND MUICHIRO NOOOOO 😭😭 sweet babies did not deserve to die. but at least they helped take down upper one so they kinda ate w that!! muichiro is one of my fav charas ever so im super devastated abt him like no baby no! and OMG SANEMI AND GENYAAAAA. i always knew that sanemi still loved him and didnt forget anything and all but seeing him say it was so touching. he just wanted him to live a good life with a wife and kids :(( (bruh why didnt he just say that then...) but still hes so sweetie!! i love angry sanemi sm its so funny i liked how it was like "you should live a goddamn good life with a goddamn wife and goddamn kids goddamnit!!" like hes so unintentionally funny 😭 elaborating further on their deaths, 1. muichiro. THE SCENE WITH YUICHIROOOOO. bruh why did he have to die. he was 14. nOOOJEREIUIUAI MY BABYYYYYYYYY. anyways he went out with a bang 10/10. 2. genya!! literally sobbed seeing his final words and sanemi's reaction. wish that he could've lived so they could've had happy brotherly moments :(( his final moments were so sweet and emotionallll 10/10 super sweetie pie and i like his gun

yoriichi is so sweetie pie. i love him 10/10 super cool super genius super caring super slay literally created breathing forms. unfortunately dying standing up and one breath away from killing one of the biggest opps ever was not very sigma but i can overlook it for everything else hes done. (brainrot is taking over my brain) his love story with uta is so sweet. he never loved anyone else. just her. and she understood him like nobody else did im sobbing. so sweet i cannot 😭😭 they completed each other!! its so interesting to see how differently yoriichi and koku perceived their situation. just goes to show you that life is what you make of it, and you may not know as much as you think you do about certain people. dont make assumptions! just love others <3

obanai backstory is so sad :(( i always wondered why he wore the bandages and now ik. sweet sweet boy. also OBAMITSU IS MY LITERAL EVERYTHING. THEY ARE SO PERF TOGETHER LIKE THEY ARE ACTUAL PERFECTION. RAHHHHHHH

bro tamayo is so smart. FOUR DRUGS?! in THAT AMT OF TIME?!?! goddamn girl rly popped off! also how can muzan like freaking summon their souls to come back like how tf does that even work. whaaaaaat.

well ig the person who spoiled 4 deaths for me neglected to say HIMEJIMAAAAAAUR. NAAAAUURURRURURRUR COME BACKKKKKKKKKKK. but im glad that he got to see his temple fam and stuff and they apologized to him and explained everything. sweetie pieeeee :((

okay so when i said "go marry tanjiro" to kanao i was like half joking BUT LIKE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?!?!?! YESSSSSS. and then there's uh. nezuko and zenitsu. uh. (hes not good enough for her im sorry i just never liked him that much even tho he was funny) also inosuke and aoi wasn't toooootally random but like it kinda was. i lowk thought aoi and zenitsu would end up tg. idk what i thought would happen to nezuko's love life but i thought the whole zenitsu thing was just a giant joke but it actually ended up working out. oh im curious as to who sanemi and giyu had children with also. (me guys. it was me.)

and im just so emotionally scarred. genuinely dont think i can recover from that wtf. i still cant believe they all died. goodnight.

[dream-in-a-jar]

BBC Merlin - S5E4 "Another's Sorrow" live blog(-ish)

forgot to post this lol oops

Im not sure where we are or whats happening but thats a very pretty throne room

Oh hey, wasnt she supposed to marry Arthur last(?) season?

I smell a trap/an enchantement

Who tf is that woman

Arthur taking an order from Merlin, I love to see it

Oh my God is that Morgana with an ageing spell?? Is she using the same trick as Merlin??

Omg IT IS HER 👀👀

Im sure Princess Mithian has a good reason to help Morgana???

Oh Arthur, you're walking (riding) straight into a trap ㅡ and meanwhile Morgana will have basically free roam in Camelot? 😭

Oooooh Morgana uses enchanted crows to deliver messages, thats rly cool

Hm, somehow this made Mithian want to warn Arthur/someone? She didnt get far though :(

Merlin knocking??? Thats new lol

Ah so Morganas cover name is Hilde

ik Gaius is thinking logically but plz 😭😭

Gwen is always right, my Queen

I hope Mithian locked the door behind her... although on second thought it probably wouldnt matter either way bc locked doors cannot stop sorcerers

Ok she didnt have to leave it ajar either tho, but she mustve been stressed out 😭

Ooooh shes wearing an enchanted bracelet (that I assume she cant take off?)

This castle either has 50 guards in the halls or none at all, nothing in-between lol

Oh Morgana is coming with them? Interesting. Ig she wants to help getting Arthur killed or at least watch him die

I hope Merlin figures out its her and also that she doesnt realize he's got magic and is Emrys

Gaius pleaaaase stop being so obtuse 😭😭

Arthur is asking for Merlins opinion a lot lately, hes rly come to trust his judgement (despite making fun of his "funny feeling" which is very valid 😭)

Oof Morgana mustve been very on edge with that examination lol but despite Gaius mentioning her strong blood and health theyre not figuring it out aaaah

Arthur plz listen to Sir Leon 🥲

Ooooh Mithian is smart, hell yeah!! Merlin plz dont do anything rash and stupid 🥲

Oh fuck ofc Morganas already onto him

And Arthurs not concerned about who hit Merlin on the head??

Im sure all the knights are very talented swordsmen but leaving Gwaine behind seems... stupid if you ask me

On the topic of knights, we havent seen Mordred those past two episodes 🤔 I think he'll still play a bigger role before the finale hits though, right?

Ughhhh it seems if I pause too long then the server connection breaks 😐😐 this is why DVDs are superior

Always a fan of Gaius using magic ngl

Merlin lock in and wake up man

Atta boy, there we go!

Oh no, theyre already there

Arthur SOME trap awareness please

Too late now

Arthurs just sick of this shit by now

Omg Merlin has earthquake powers, thats so sick

THAT STUPID INTERNET CONNECTION OMG

Ah well, thats a dead end. Hopefully not literally

I love Merlin being Arthurs advisor 🥰🥰

The character development of Arthur is so so good, the King he has become 🔥🔥

Merlin also went through some great character development, hes much stronger and confident, but he knows that Arthur is in great danger and its made him much more serious and less aloof than he used to be :(( so much depends on him and he cant tell anyone besides Gaius and maybe Kilgarrah :((

Whew, another episode with a happy end and even a truce with Odin, yay!! I need to cherish these episodes while I still can lol

[araksi413]

hi hello!! can i ask 🎮, 🌈, 💙 and 🤔 for the oc ask game? i don’t think i’m familiar with any of your ocs yet so feel free to tell me abt as many ocs as u want to if you have more than one :D

- @bumblebee-bumbling

hiiiiii so sorry for taking so long to answer ! thank you so much for asking !!

--------------------------------------------------

🎮 VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER — what are three of your oc's favorite hobbies?

ooh okay instead of three hobbies per oc ill do three ocs. smiles

Sarah - gardening !! she likes to grow vegetables that her wife bakes into yummy food. they're a very sweet couple

Mattias - fashion.. he likes sewing his own dresses when he has time, though with uni he's much busier then before

Eva - some sort of fighting sport ? probably boxing, she has a lot of anger so venting it by punching people that consent to it is probably nice.. also probably did like. dancing when younger but quit bc of the teachers

--------------------------------------------------

💙 BLUE HEART — does your oc have any cool/special powers and/or abilities? how are they with magic, if it exists in their world?

the Special Twelve are my dnd-ish ocs, so at least some of them have magic :D

most that do have an average skill with magic, tho Bon is a bit of a prodigy for his age.. he had an access to powerful high level magic since early childhood which 1) resulted in him blowing himself up with a fireball at age 10 and 2) means he learned impressive powerful spells before groundwork so he's incredibly powerful but. cant do common level stuff

in World 1, Anna is a time walker... she can pass through different time bubbles/areas and affects time around her (morphs it into what she considers her time, does so subconsciously)

--------------------------------------------------

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

Ezry - likes to give people nicknames and petnames ! they get very silly with it

honestly not sure who else to put here..

Al'ixia-MariUnak is super anxious and wrings her hands a lot and pulls on her hair

hmmm Mattias is very touchy but only w people he's close to (so mostly Eva)..

Emobear is mute and not very expressive which is highlighted by Deer who is overly expressive and talkative...

[no name entered] growls a lot, before they learn to mimic human speech, and even afterwards when around people that uh. aren't bad <<they were in a pretty bad situation for a while

--------------------------------------------------

🌈 RAINBOW — what is your oc's sexual orientation/gender identity? what pronouns do they use?

alright, putting this one last bc im gonna do p much all of my ocs:

World 1:

Eva - trans girl, straight (?), she/her

Mattias - gnc cis guy, gay, he/him

Sarah - lesbian, butch, she/her, definitely used he/him at some point

Sun - bisexual, she/her

Zara - bisexual & polyam !, she/her

Anna - transwoman, hasn't ever thought about romance or sex, she/her

Deer - gender is just deer, it/its, Emobear's girlfriend

Emobear - it/he/they, no gender, Deer's girlfriend

Charles - transmasc, not really a man tho? complicated identity issues die to being dead and isolated from society, doesnt care all that much, uses no pronouns

[no name entered] - that's a alien. uhm. nonbinary in a way, fully outside our gender norms. they/them and neopronouns

Araksi - agender aromantic asexual, has a qpp, they/them, sometimes it/its

Daphne - she's a snake.. probably aro? but not ace, i think. doesn't rly use pronouns for herself but other people call her she and she hasn't corrected them

Special Twelve :

(labels would be more complicated bc they would not exist in their world and their society is different then ours, none of them actually have the words to describe their identities the same way we would)

Cari'sam - cis and straight(?) (is it comphet? is it compallo? is she straight?)(she's struggling), she/her

Roben - trans woman, bi, she/her

Menir - gay bear man. he should've gotten to be a bear. he/him

Bon de Ciel - hasn't thought about it (hes just a babyyy), potentially aro/ace , he/him

Illumm - he/they, would get very flustered if asked about romance (questioning, probably)

Al'ixia-MariUnak - bisexual, grey-ace <- but so unaware, she/her, probably she/they if she ever thought about it

Man Uu - gnc genderqueer man, free with his love (wouldn't label), he/him usually, but wouldn't mind any other pronouns (i should make him do drag....)

Faelyn Anastasia Boldur - genderfluid/genderqueer, wouldn't id as trans, they have a job so they're not thinking about it, the uniform isnt gendered anyway, they/ze/he/she

Em - they/them nonbinary, wouldn't id as trans

Kamari - they/them but due to additional identity issues, not being trans. they're weird about it <3

Ezry - they/them nonbinary, would id as trans

Camm Dan - in love with his best friend, wouldn't label himself, he/him

Other OCs (holy shit theres more ??):

Un: eh??? probably aro but married? at some point, she/they/it

Rikuki: pan & arospec probably? they/xey/ze

Láng and Lú have the same deal really - when you have lived countless lives in many shapes and forms how can you just be one. all of them are you - their different reincarnations use different pronouns and names but their souls are like. genderless. forever chasing each other because noone else can understand.

--------------------------------------------------

if you wanna see what all of these guys look like, head over here :

[toestalucia]

I STILL have not watched versus&rising im gonna be honest with u BUT heavy heavy heaviest rising spoilers <33333333 (also main story spoilers

anyway im actually kind of worried about dad considering uh. rising casually having mom lore. like. 'i am your mother'. can u imagine releasing rising right after the most devastating story chs in gbf & us going to estalucia next update and being like 'hello heres ur mom. things are Not great and the implied dialogue is Hell'. fully understand all the 'rein.....O_O' comments they made on the rising streams JKBKADJD I GET IT NOOWWWWW (<-when it was released and my friend dm'd me asking me if i want spoilers)

like im sincereeeelllyyyyy hoping he's okay-ish but its also? if he went to estalucia for mom id like that. he returned to zinkenstill with a baby, and then left like 6-8 years later. i admittedly dont think he'd leave on a whim (theres also the part of how much happened ~10yrs ago). was the otherworld involved. was the kings eye involved. was mom dead before he returned to zinkenstill or. what is different in our timeline compared to the others (i saw one of the rising trailers and they use the bg art for the tree violet knight sits on in one of reins visions(??????)..................)

sorry risingers who r screaming that this is readily available knowledge IM GONNA WATCH THE STORY THIS MONTH I PROMISE i wanna pick up rein. i alrdy told kaitlyn that. but ill make it a separate blog cuz what the hell that is a SPOILER. but depending on it i might pick up dad too <-captain obsession

beyond hilarious baha made her goth tho. rein u r so fkng cool i love mothers u never couldve prepared me for mom to appear in the SIDEGAMES. theres a gran @ mom thing i rly wanna write. because to me theres certain things that gran doesnt want to hear from their parents? like..what happened happened.

GAMERS WHERE IS MY NOTES OF WALFRID TALKING ABOUT MOM had to grab it myself again

Walfrid: There's one more thing I need to apologize to you for. In all this talk about your father's journey, one piece of the puzzle has never been mentioned. You know what that is, don't you? I'm referring to your mother.

Walfrid: Yes, I know her very well. She was another great friend on our journey. In fact, she set off on the journey with your father right from the start. Gran: What kind of person was she? Walfrid: She was a compassionate woman, coming from a line of maidens who worshipped the god of the Sky Realm. Katalina: What? Then the maiden who sent Vyrn was… Walfrid: Yes, her. She lived in the same area as Gran's father. She grew up with her parents and younger sister in happiness. But then an incident compelled them to Vyrn and leave. (Taking cause and effect into consideration, this all dates back to when the sky was formed…) Vyrn: …? Walfrid shakes his head as if to dismiss his idle thoughts and returns to the topic at hand.

Walfrid: I have my reasons for not wanting to discuss that woman in too much detail. The truth is I don't know anything about her at present. As in I don't know where she is or what she's doing. I don't even know if she's safe.

Walfrid: But I have a feeling you will meet her at some point as your journey unfolds. You should prepare yourself for when that day arrives.

dialogues that lives in my head at all times

[chisatowo]

Just for yalls awareness sekai characters do kinda exist in the random card au now but mostly just as more dead ppl or other worldbuilding roles since what am I if I don't make elaborate worldbuilding that doesn't matter in the main story

[unicyclehippo]

hey ollie!! I’ve been seeing a few… mixed reviews for this last episode, and as someone that liked it, I wanted your opinion. I’ve been hearing a lot of people call this fight ‘clumsy’ and ‘railroading’ and ‘boring’, considering the only trigger to end the fight was one specific PC doing one specific thing, and making it feel like ‘imogen is the only PC that matters, regardless of her prior reluctance in giving into her powers’ (real take I saw here on tunglr dot com). I for one was expecting a TPK followed by a group-vision, so the fact that only two are dead so far is actually doing better than anticipated. thoughts? comments? concerns?

i have happily missed all of those kinds of comments & when i stumbled on one rather harsh criticism that drifted into my world i blocked that person. i don’t rly talk about stuff like this? im more of a “lurk in the shadows & throw my writing out” person. but i have seen some ice cold takes so yeah fuck it, i’ll talk abt my impression of the episode

i really really liked it

matt has a stupidly difficult job balancing encounters for SEVEN PLAYERS. i have three players at my table & i still struggle to give them a real challenge sometimes. in my opinion, he did both the set up & the encounter brilliantly.

first of all, he set up the mythology of otohan thull in the last eight episodes or so—everything the paragons call said about her in passing, the vibes of imogen’s dreams, the fact that she was somehow in the feywild, the fact that she’s working with daleth (who WE the audience know to be Very Powerful), what ashton told the party about her being a famed warrior—& made it concrete. there is a reason she’s a famed warrior, there’s a reason she’s the head of the paragons call, there’s a reason she lunged at imogen & imogen thought she died. otohan thull is a boss level character who has the ability to kill all of them. she is Supposed to be powerful, she was set up to be powerful not just to challenge the players but also narratively. it wouldn’t make sense in the context of the world & the aggressive, martial basuras if this person wasn’t stupidly scary & stupidly proficient at murder, yknow?

secondly, the encounter. a nail biter. this one made me think of - i know people have alluded to the stress of the first vecna fight but i was thinking about raishan because that one nearly made me break my teeth clenching my jaw as hard as i did. it’s a good episode to link to (because it fucks severely & keyleth is incredible) because it’s a one-against-everyone PLUS allies & it’s one of those episodes where everyone seems to drop & get back up & by the end two revivifies were used (one failed) & they had to res ritual someone after (for those of you who don’t know, when someone has been dead for longer than a minute, they have to use the resurrection spell instead of revivify & it’s a whole extended ritual & it’s amazing RP always).

if they had fought thull tomorrow, they could have won. today was already knocked by the FCG fight, imogen used a spell to try activate the feywild shard, laudna used hunger of the shadow, fearne used heat metal & she & FCG used some healing spells too. they’d already tapped into some of their spells & abilities & then again in the chaos of the attack on the call.

if they had doubled down & fought thull & had better initiatives (though the STORY it tells of thull going first, the assassin being quicker, the person who has fought wars being scrappier & quicker on the draw) they could maybe have won. matt was saying at the end that she looked “ragged-ish” & i agree with him when he points out they spent those first vital actions running away. they didn’t know when they started that she had legendary actions/reactions. they didn’t know that she could cross this battlefield in a bonus action if she wanted to.

when you think of an encounter, it’s never just about the stats—it’s about the story. especially when it comes to matt’s world, especially when it comes to these players who balance class skills with character choices. otohan thull came out alone to fight them—she’s arrogant, but not undeservedly so, as we find out. brennan lee mulligan said the scariest encounters are the ones in which you give your bad guys a goal to complete. in this encounter, the goal was imogen—to break her, change her, recruit her? dunno—&, like everything else about otohan thull, that had been Hinted at but couldn’t be confirmed until the fight.

im gonna join this with the third point

third, concerning the idea of a dream or vision: when each encounter is a fragment of story, what does it mean that the battlefield was otherwise empty? is it just otohan’s arrogance? or does it mean something that matt didn’t describe people scurrying out of the periphery of the fight, or anyone in the building imogen tried to escape from. does the sandstorm mean anything? it didn’t have a mechanical effect in this fight when it did in the previous encounter. was that just because it died down a little or does it hint toward it being a dream/vision as people have said?

personally, i think it was real & in the immediate aftermath i did say to a friend that a dream/vision would undercut the story for me. i don’t think that anymore. dreams have been such a point of visceral terror for imogen continuously through the campaign so far that i think it would be horrifying to realise that it was a dream, to have matt play around with the limits of a dream—which is SUCH a powerful thing in the fantasy genre to use dreams as exploration or invitation or corruption, to be in dreams that are on the cusp of prophecy, dreams that are a little too real—so if that’s what they end up doing i’m totally onboard. that being said, i don’t think it is. they’ve always been direct with deaths & that sort of thing & i think that it’s a very real moment that is supposed to emphasise how they are in over their heads. orym made a very nice speech about how they’re the only ones who know the threads of what is being done & that they have to stop it—and now this. eight hours later. they’re a little group (in world, at least) of squishy scrappy adventurers & they’re getting their narrative comeuppance for hubris, & a distinct lack of caution. hardly any health potions? a healer on the fritz? very little reconnaissance? no real allies? their attention divided between personal & everything else? i think it’s real, i think it’s very deadly, & i think like molly’s death it’s going to make for a more sombre & driven party. otohan’s goal for this encounter was imogen. narratively, the goal of this encounter (i suspect we will find in the coming months) was to be a hydraulic press & squash them into one party with one goal

fourth, main character imogen. this is bullshit straight up. i could leave it there but i’ll keep going bc i love women & i’ll take any chance to defend their right to take up space & tell their stories. laura makes the most awesome characters & frankly didn’t get Huge amounts of time dedicated solely to her story line in c1 & c2. it’s cool, it’s fine, she tells amazing stories in the time she gets & is a vital part of the story they’re all writing together, but as soon as we found out that purple-eyed, anime-haired, horse girl, night-terror, lightning-handed imogen was a thing i fell to my knees & wept in gratitude with the knowledge that laura was gonna get narratively whammied & whammied Hard by matthew mercer & his plot stick this campaign, as she well deserves.

do people complain about the briarwood arc? something that revolves entirely around percy’s backstory? or is it so beloved that they made a whole animated series about it? on a smaller scale—because of nott, the mighty nein left the empire & trekked into xhorhas; because of fjord, the mighty nein went & became pirates & explored sunken ruins, or went to uthodurn & nearly fought a dragon to make him a cool sword.

characters get their time to shine. it can’t always be about everyone all the time—matt gives a player a gift & the whole table comes together to react to that gift, following the player it was intended for. that’s the fun of storytelling together, that’s the fun of building characters & handing it over to your DM, the expectation that for a session, a couple of sessions, a small arc, you are the main character. your story matters. that’s what this is for imogen/laura—it’s at once a story beat for everyone, one of those pivotal moments where they realise they’re outmatched, but it’s also a turning point for imogen where we don’t know where she goes next. im sure that it also functions as a way for matt to introduce whatever lore he has about ruidis born up his sleeve for us.

hope this answered all your questions, i enjoyed ranting about it! i have just woken up so forgive me for any glaring errors

[cata-strophes]

I see your doodle art of human!Techno addicentally adopting blood god!Tommy and now I'm highly curious on what your thoughts is about that au. any of them you wanna share???

oh boy do i have thoughts an ideas for this au!!! its been on my mind for. literal months actually

basically techno is like, just a pretty normal dude just exploring the world and travelling around

he finds these weird ruins and enters them and there just a rly concerning amount of blood and baby in the middle of a pillar surrounded by dead bodies

techno doesnt know this yet, but what happened was that this is the blood god cult trying to bring back their god but misread the instructions and they thought they needed "a pure sacrifice" (which is why infant tommy) when actually they needed "a clean vessel" (just a person who is not blessed or cursed by any other gods and whatnot)

techno takes the baby bc hes not just gonna leave a baby there to die and tommy immediately gets attached and kinda imprints on techno

tommy is a literal infant so he cant rly control his powers but techno being the only person he trusts he kinda blesses him and thats how techno slowly starts to get his more beast-like appearance (tusks, red eyes, pointy ears, a pink-ish skin, he gets more strength or smth too) plus the voices!!

this was very usual for the blood god before to give his most trusted followers to be able to help him at all times and all that

techno rly wants to give him up and tried to at several villages but grew attached to tommy and also tommy kinda compelled him with the blessing since the voices (that are still a bit quiet and mostly mix with his own conscience) keep telling him he has to take care of tommy himself

^ this is definitely something that comes up in the future when techno and tommy finally understand the meaning of a blood god's blessing and theres Angst

since tommy is a child and his body and brain cant rly stand the ammount of power and knowledge of the actual blood god, most of his powers and memories are like. locked, and as he grows up he starts to be able to use more of his powers and relive some memories

anyways since tommy is just a Baby, most ppl actually think techno himself is the blood god, not like, the caretaker of the baby blood god, which he appreciates since otherwise they would try much harder to kill tommy instead of seeing him as a poor victim of the bloodgod or smth

tommy does have some powers though, when hes a toddler, some Evil Dudes kidnap him to gain power over techno Who Is Definitely The Blood God and when techno goes save him he just finds tommy sat in a concerning ammount of blood and tommy just raises his arms and is like "up up!!"

later on phil and techno become friends and phil also thinks techno is the blood god!! bc techno just never thought to clear that up when they first met and then it kinda escaped his mind

so techno introduces tommy who is just like dangling from his arms like a mokey and phil is like "ohh!! i also have a son!!! :D" and he introduces them to wilbur who is like 10 or smth

wilbur is like "im older so u have to listen to me!!" and tommy (a literal blood god who has killed many men) is all bright eyed and excited bc wilbur talks with Big Words and obviously is very smart and strong so yes yes it makes sense he has to listen to wilbur

phil and wilbur still think tommy is Just A Normal Baby

and idk wilbur likes to read to him and play the guitar so tommy immediately loves him and follows him around

(yes techno tries very hard not to feel jealous of a ten year old)

one day tommy and wilbur get kidnapped

wilbur is like "i will protect you bc im Older!" and tommy is like ":0!!"

but then the Bad Guys do Bad Guy Stuff and wilbur gets hurt so tommy is like ">:(!!!"

and once again theyre found in a puddle of blood

phil is like "wh-" and tommy is just like "techie!!! :D" and then immediately gets very sad and is like "wilby is huwt techie :'((("

and then they heal wilbur and thats how phil finds out tommy is actually the blood god

tommy still follows wilbur around tho bc hes Child and wilbur is Big Brother and Older and Reads Very Fast

[lepidopteragirl]

hello!! I was wondering if you had any karlnapity fic recs! Any genre is fine because literally I am starved where are the karlnapity fic writers QAQ

i do anon ive actually had a long ass fic rec list on and off in progress for like 4 months now but i will give u a few favorites hehe.

loooove you're dead on ao3!!! vampire hunter turned vampire!sapnap/vampire!quackity/eldritch horror!karl i love it so so much, karl esp is just perfectly written and its so fucking funny. its ongoing right now, and is rly long and such a fun read BIG REC (also my good friend anonymous dentist wrote this one!)

I speak as one about to die by cryptofhoney god this fic. go home everyone this fic gets cfiances mythology analogies like no one else. i promised i wouldn’t spoil any lines from these fics but know that at least twice a week i think of the line talking about ksq and their relationships with the gods and have to lay down, genuinely. trojan war sci-fi with karl as sort of kassandra. tragedy what if we all died. thinking about this fic is making me emotional its so hgngnghghgh. 1k ish one shot (this is also yen’s fic! hi yen!)

this light from all eclipse which is quackity centric lighthouse horror. im a huge baby with horror and i loved this, super super funky vibes that makes you want to stare at a wall for an interminable amount of time. im not selling it very well but this fic is on the list of stories that have changed me as a person, as well as fics that have made me cry its so so good

pretty face (pretty boyfriend too) sapnap is jealous of karls new boyfriend, who he maybe kinda likes too? karlnapity from ao3 user karlnapity what more could you desire

there's an ache in you (put there by the ache in me) is so so damn good the most banger hurt/comfort, soulmate au which isnt always my thing, but i love how its done here, soo lovely

here's to us FIANCES WEDDING FIANCES WEDDING FIANCES WEDDING no more thoughts no more words just fiances wedding go read this please please it so soft and sweet ough

also where the sunlight dies if u havent read that one!!!!!! i feel like everyone here has its a classic, but its worth the hype its soo good

all the authors on this list slay sm btw cannot recommend the rest of their works enough im just reccing some of my favorites but go look at the rest of them too go go go!!!!

[dog-teeth]

if it's alright that i ask, how did your dsyphoria manifest? and how did you deal with it? a lot of the time, I'm really confused as to whether or not im experiencing dysphoria, or just blowing basic body discomfort out of proportion, and im curious what it was/is like for you, especially since you're genderfluid.

hi im tipsy so not at my most articulate but dysphoria for me feels

wait hang on putting this under the cut bc Long ish Post

like theres a disconnect between how people see me or how i was born vs how i want to be, generally my dysphoria was rarely ever tied to my body intrinsically as ive heard other trans peoples is (e.g. having trouble showering or having sex, feeling like being born in the wrong body), it was mostly how people percieved me. like i hated my voice pre-T and didnt even rly connect it to dysphoria except for when it made me unable to pass, i just thought i didnt like my voice. and with my breasts, i feel like i would have had significantly less issue with having them on my body if they werent so unequivocally tied to femininity in the eyes of cis society and a dead-giveaway of my agab. but also i always found breasts to be inconvenient, the way they feel when running and jumping and laying down, and generally i just felt like i wanted to be flat-chested, but i didn't hate my chest, i thought it was cute a lot of the time, but the incongruence with how people saw me as a result of them made me personally uncomfortable (i LOVE seeing transmasc people with visible breasts tho i think its so gender and cool and i wish there had been more representation for that earlier in my transition!)

my dysphoria as a genderfluid person comes out when i feel like i can't control how people read me, or (like a lot of other trans people) when people read me as something other than i want them to. especially since my gender changes are largely internal and i rarely ever communicate them with anyone. and i get 'dysphoric' i guess about how its not very acceptable for me to say 'im (kinda) a boy' or 'im (kinda) a girl' and have it be understood that it is not permanent but is still real for me. i feel a lot of external pressure to be perfectly androgynous as a genderqueer person but sometimes i do feel like a girl & that doesnt make my gender or my transition invalid, and sometimes i do feel like a boy but that doesnt make me a man. i use the words very loosely and i think language and communication often falls short of encompassing it. not being able to adequately describe myself is also dysphoric.

when i was younger tho dysphoria often felt like i just felt like a boy/agender but i knew no matter what i did people wouldnt see me like that and my body was Female with a capital F and i didnt want it to be. it felt like being cornered and trapped within other peoples perceptions of me and my own body.

i think theres an overbearing narrative of hating your body as a trans person and wishing it was like the "opposite" gender, but its often more complex than that for both binary and nonbinary trans people. its a weird mix of how you internally want your body to be and how you want other people to see you which is based on your body. idk. like i said im tipsy.

i think its also important to remember that dysphoria and dysmorphia, like all words and especially labels like these, are not solidly-defined or static or universal and to sort your feelings into discreet boxes is almost never possible. all you can really do is think about what might make you happy and what you want and how you feel, in all its multitudes and confusion.

[aranarumei]

tagged by @hua-fei-hua! it’s been ages since I’ve done one of these it was kind of fun lol! sorry for the delayed answers...

1. are you named after anyone?

a couple of ppl assume my name is kiri because it’s like, referencing kirishima from bnha. i haven’t kept up with bnha properly since. honestly since the dabi reveal ch dropped so that’s… nov 5th 2020 lol. I’ve got residual feelings abt it but not much interest in actually reading it (sorry). nowadays I don’t get as much of that anymore—my name is just like. digimon dusk only lets your character have a 4 character name max so I hit various syllables together and keysmashed until it sounded good. im attached to it now.

2. when was the last time you cried?

…today lol. i cry easy when i'm frustrated.

3. do you have kids?

no. I have a Feeling this will be rather unrelatable to whoever I tag so. electing to present my own question:

3 (again). [FREE SPACE] recommend a song?

im gonna recommend Tsuru (en: Bowstring) by koyori / denbolP bc it’s great. I love this producer actually.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

mm I think im probably averagely sarcastic but like. I do have a habit of like. ex: someone will be like oh where’s [kiri]? when I’m literally right there and I have the immediate impulse to say, completely straightfaced, like “oh [kiri]? sorry they’ve been dead for seven years. they’ve never been in this room in your entire life.” so essentially I like doubling down on things when I think it’s funny.

5. what sports do you play/have played

i played basketball for six years!

6. what's the first thing you notice about people?

i think the first like, physical detail I pay proper Attention to is earrings. just cause I like em. apart from that it’s probably their voice and what they find funny.

7. eye color?

brown. comparatively I think it’s rather dark to the point of looking black.

8. scary movies or happy endings?

i mean I feel like this is a. false dichotomy but I really don’t have a good stomach for horror and stuff so. happy endings ig.

9. any special talents?

talents… I’ve memorized my squares up to 30-ish, so like if for example if someone says 28 I can rattle off 784. I’ve been told I have a talent for talking abt media I like but that’s also something said by my lovely friends lol.

10. where were you born?

on earth. im also electing to replace this with my own question:

10 (again). what made you make a tumblr account?

if ppl look at my blog they shall think I showed up in 2020 but I’ve actually been here since 2015. I just… deactivated my acct by accident when I meant to delete a sideblog. ok. so obviously I remade in that case. I made one back in 2015, though, because I was like, really into hxh and ran into some hxh blogs I was like. in love with. also some fairy tail fic authors I rly respected were on here. and I wanted to discuss hxh and post fic. so I joined.

11. what are your hobbies?

writing! and reading! and drawing! and playlist making. im basic. writing is probably #1 to me tho I rly enjoy it. like for all I complain about it I actually really enjoy the act of like putting down words and crafting stuff and editing. I’d actually love to beta fic more regularly. and get reallllly good at grammar (seriously if anyone has any resources on that chuck it at me) and action scenes. those r my big two dreams.

12. do you have any pets?

nope! i do have a depressing amount of wips I have not taken care of, tho…

13. how tall are you?

5’2” or about 158 cm, i haven't measured myself lately. I’ve been told my various sources that I have “tall person energy” tho. im not as good abt it nowadays but I tend to be a bit careful abt keeping my back straight. at the very least I’m pretty aware of it. I wanna say it was just cool of me to be that way bc I was into having good posture but I’m like 90% sure it was because I read skip beat and I really liked that kyoko stood that way.

14. favorite subject in school?

math by farrrr. literature is dependent on the teacher for quality imo and while I enjoyed it I was always a bit sad that we never did any creative writing. math is just very nicely methodical.

15. dream job?

honestly I don’t have one. like I’d love to publish a book some day but I don’t want it to be my Job. im pretty satisfied just doing smthing productive-feeling and where I have enough free time tbh.

no obligation to answer ofc to anyone tagged. also if you don’t want to answer any of the questions just reject them... I just provided alternates bc I felt like it. i think this is supposed to be 15 questions for 15 mutuals but i dont want to tag that many people... @icharchivist @sunnnfish @dirtbra1n @mxddyhero @heartsdash @watcher-ofthe-sky @estradasphere

[brandy-eyes]

new girl au rants cuz im weak n stupid

okay! so yk that apartment schmidt moved into across the hall? thats jules, kat, maddy and cassies apartment now! and the loft is taken over by our lovelies—lexi, rue, fez & ash.

i want lexi to be a struggling actor, going to college for fine arts, she’ll have this part time job working as a teachers assistant, i think. might change that. i want her to move into the apartment the same way jess did, except she’s gonna have rue with her instead of being alone and just going through a breakup. maybe i’ll have her go through a breakup? just for drama!

rue works from home, a writer, maybe? im not sure for her yet. in this universe they don’t know fez or ash or anyone else really, just grew up with each other, moved to LA together (probably bc suze & leslie felt a lot more comfortable with forever anxious and paranoid always on the verge of a breakdown lexi & former drug addict rue to be together, and also cuz theyr besties!) for college and never ended up moving back. cassie also followed for a ‘fresh start’ and met jules & kat & maddy n all of them. mutual friend & resident party animal BB comes by once n a while to deposit booze & trash the place with a banger before disappearing for another few weeks or days and then does it again, like a boss bitch.

fez & ash will run their business outta the loft, except for the fact that fez is gone a lot at night for parties and shit, usually leaving the teenage angst ash alone with lexi and rue (mostly lexi, bc rue likes to tag along with fez—and lexi trusts her now, enough not to follow.) and like. lexi makes them watch fixer upper and shit and ash is forever pissed he misses the walking dead reruns bc she wanted to watch houses get ransacked and slapped with a pretty stick.

grandma marie takes the spare bedroom in the back. they have a list of contacts in the fridge fez says to ‘give a call, hit em’ up’ if they’re ever in a bind or some kind of trouble. fez never, ever brings back work to the loft bc ‘its not fair to them, they jus’ need a place to stay—‘ and the brothers are slowy weaning off the drug dealing scene, anyway. hence the need for roommates. i want fez to work at a bar, like nick, obvi.

At some point i want to follow the fake dating trope—yk, they get invited to a wedding and lexi needs a date cuz she doesn’t want to look stupid and rue is going with jules so she enlists new bestie & sort of crush fez to take her in his fancy lil caddy and snazzy suit like the darling he is! maybe i’ll make the wedding cassies? she’s sort of cece in this situation, anyway. i think it’llbe funny if like at some point suze has to crash at the loft for the wedding and she makes everything hella awkward and ash is hovering in the background watching lexi argue with her ma like 😶‍🌫️

i also think it woukd be fun to have them play true american? but like instead of the boys teaching them its lexi and rue inviting all the girls over and teaching fez & ash the game they made up when they were teens. i think they’ll be in their mid twenties, 24-26–ish, so ash’ll literally be twenty one but for the sake of the teenage angst get up he’s sixteen going on seventeen! leave me alone! Ash does go to highschool, only bc i think its funny that lexi gets to be his teacher’s assistant and she like reports back to fez the drama ash has going around at school.

i’ll have faye come stay with them around the time lexi tries to get in the dating scene and rue is like!!! bitcch!!!fez!!! for some drama and stuff, but they end up being besties dw abt it. lexi does get a little heartbroken doe cuz she rly likes fez but doesn’t wanna intrude? also fez forgets to tell them that faye has a mf bf, so rue stomps in his room LIVID and is liek YOU LED HE RON MFFCKER—and hes like. wtf r u talking abt….

also i want lexi to get to put on a play about her teenage years sometime during this period too, except this time fez gets to come & custers a dead bitch. i think i am going to follow some canon episodes of ng just bc they have such good ones that would fit the euphoria context—(jules & rue run off to mexico and rue gets arrested for stealing a wrist band off a kid and running from the security staff, jules drives home and has to wrangle all rue’s roomates into helping get her out, etc,) & i jus love them sm. so

thank u for coming to my tedtalk, it was bullshit, ik. idek if i’ll write this? would anyone read? anyways bye!

[azurajay]

I would like to know anything about the ocs u are willing to share who are they where are they from why does one of them have a tail why so many crosses

OHMYGODD HI HELLO HI I HONESTLY DID NOT EXPECT AN ASK AT ALL FROM THAT UEUEUE you are also literally my first ever ask so thank youu u so much for that im so excitedhsjdfgjkfjg

This might end up a long post so apologies in advance, I will try to keep it minimal ksdjk

OKAY okay so the baker lady in the first drawing, her name is nancy, she is the one with the tail<3 she's a mermaid!! if youve ever seen the tv show h20, her mermaid abilities are like that, in that if she touches an amount of water she undergoes the transformation. but unlike in h20, she was a mermaid First before she was human, she just lives more as a human now because she wanted that experience instead, and runs a lil bakery :DD

she wears the bandana on her head to cover some of her hair post-mermaid transformation, because it turns her hair Pink and it takes a day or so to go back to brown again. she also gets scales that show up on her skin, so she dresses accordingly after she's spent time as a mermaid so that they're hidden sjdkfgj but her group of friends help to keep her secret too :]

the whole story is set on this (made up) tiny island just off the south-ish UK coast in the 80s (but both time and place are kept relatively vague throughout), and that's where all of the characters are from!!

as for the crosses, one of the staple centre pieces of the island is the church!! pretty much everyone on the island was brought up religious, but in the story, one of the main characters (elias) and any of the other teens/young adults who are also on the religious side focus more on the saint of the church, st. eudocia. this leads to some uh,,, Interesting characters, one being the man with the cross earrings at the centre of the poster plan drawing (his name is greysen), who has a slight obsession with the saint figure and is attempting to reach immortality to be on her level !! fun !!

this causes a wholeee lotta trouble which is essentially the domino for the overarching plot so i simply will not go into all of that, but basically the boy in front of greysen (elias) is lead to believe his brother teddy (the guy Behind greysen) is dead/has been killed, and funky murder mystery shenanigans ensue :DD

(elias actually ends up being sort of "chosen" by st. eudocia, much muchhh to greysen's anger (which again leads to trouble) but elias has always looked to eudocia for guidance and to praise so it's sweet. she's got his back.)

teddy is also the one with the glasses in the first pic, and he's with jackie - i imagine that's not long after him and jackie meet, and teddy's taken him over to see nancy, who's one of his rly good friends!! :DD

then the second pic is during a moment when nancy is having a Rough Time following the news of teddy's death, and lars shows up to check on her, and they have a moment of quiet together as lars helps her bathe. they make me soo :((((

I JSUT REMEMBERED I HAVE THIS IMAGE okay so here is a Labelled Diagram of who everyone is :DD

greysen is the leader of the little evil-doers gang, consisting of pippa, sadie, and harywn, and then teddy is the leader of the little good guys gang consisting of lilith, nancy, lars, and jackie :D (both gangs need official names i just simply cannot think of anything yet <\3)

lilith is teddy's longterm childhood bestie, and they end up partly framed for teddy's death, which (alongside teddy's disappearance) is cause for turbulance btwn teddy's lil group - which is also something that plays into that second drawing with nancy and lars :(

BUT this image completely misses out elias' childhood best friend, toni, who is the most endearing little guy<3 the two of them spend an obscene amount of time together, and they work on dumb lil pranks and projects all the time. (this,,, gets offset by the disappearance of teddy, and the introduction of a new friend that toni makes, alongside greysen-induced-factors, drives the two apart at the lowest part of the story, but Fear Not because i hate sad endings, everything gets resolved<33)

this is her!! :D

okay now in favour of keeping this from getting any longer than it is, i will end it there, but i need you to know that pippa and sadie are in love. that is all.

but also seriously thank you so much for the ask, i really didnt expect anyone to see the post at all, let alone send an ask, so it means a wholeee lot ;-; thank you for lettin me ramble about my funky little guys :]]]

[broodsys]

so. just like - updates, overview, mood, what im trying to deal with, lowkey venting

ending week 7 of school (out of 10) and im so glad that both classes are rly laid back bc i am struggling sfm with everything lately. and i mean, spanish is still challenging bc its a whole different language, but it’s a very familiar challenging and the prof, for all her faults, is a soft grader which i appreciate.

im a lot calmer about the kitten situation bc even tho (stray) momma cat had five kittens this time, good!neighbors helped last year and have been involved with me thru momma cat ever since, and im a lot more familiar with what to do. for instance, i didnt panic and temporarily steal all her babies at fair injury to myself only to research, see that they should be with their mom at this age, confirm it with the vet, then let them go right back outside lmao. instead im just leaving them with her but beginning to interact with them. and im sure the neighbors socialize them, too - after all, they’re mostly on/under their deck and who wouldn’t want to play with tiny kittens?

and yall, they’re so fucking cute im ;;;;;; one gray, one pure black, one tuxedo like its mom, and two tortoiseshells, one with a black splotch right on the middle of its face and nose ;o;

and in less fun but still good-ish news, i think i got the one concession that since alcohol has become such a big trigger of mine, if my brother is going to drink he has to be kinda subtle about it, ie no beer cans left in the sink for me to wake up to and feel like ive been punched in the gut literally first thing in the morning (:

actually bc ive been so triggered by that (it’s been going on for like 4 days as of yesterday) i had a Ton of anxious energy and, in part bc ive been needing to anyway, rearranged my room p significantly. but now im on my desktop at my actual desk instead of trying to work on, literally, a folding tv dinner tray. but my 10g aquarium was on my desk and its a pain to move - still, it was one of those rearrangement sessions where after u move one thing u see how another thing should be moved, and it all works out really well. the new location for the 10g is so close that i was able to slide it over and have it rest at one point on both surfaces

im still exhausted and still fighting so many different things, health, stress, etc. - but i have my root canal appointment on monday (finally!) and while, like, the tooth is already dead and a drainage point has developed naturally, both of which mean im not in pain, its still an ongoing infection and that’s Not Great for anyone and esp for my immunocompromised ass. so, yeah, looking forward to that. also bc it’s a complicated root canal job (my root splits midway and has two ends, and it’s one of my front teeth! even tho it’s a pain, neat) i need to see an actual endodontist, but im honestly p excited abt that bc endo is my personal favorite dental specialty and it’s so cool. i love watching them work? even when they’re working on me?

im gonna run my name & gender change forms done to the courthouse this upcoming week, and im rly excited! and nervous! i don’t think i have much cause to be, like i think it’ll go thru without a hitch, but official paperwork of any stripe makes me hella nervous

but also i have been... rly relieving my past a Lot lately. some of u may’ve seen me mention this in now deleted posts but just, yeah, i think everything that’s going on just stirred up all my old traumas and i cant rly ignore it anymore, so im thinking abt getting a therapist of some kind, more just to have someone external to the family and not, yknow, tumblr to talk to abt all this. even dug out my DBT handbook, which should say a Lot abt my state of mind bc that thing was a pain to dig out and it’s heavy and unwieldy (and great, and written by someone with BPD, and great and personally completely revolutionary and did i mention great?)

but the garden and all the growth and the birds and squirrels and bugs and everything else makes me feel so calm, so connected to smth a lot greater and vaster than my household or immediate family or the stressors (living) downstairs, which helps.