#also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL

[airoarts]

Leader and deputy

[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]

[zee-rambles]

Hi Zee! new follower that came across your pinned post by chance very recently. Maybe a weird ask ahead, totally fine if you don't answer,

Do you really believe rise can still be saved? Because a part of me is still holding on, and the new andy sketches have been torturing me too. Ive signed all the petitions, done everything I can, I feel like its not enough. It's weird and been bothering me for the last few months, though I've never felt this way before about shows that didnt make it. How do you cope with the feeling, as a long time rise fan? Do you? Obviously not a therapist lmao just curious, trying to learn how to deal with a three year long obsession. Thank you.

I don’t know how many people are going to read this, but here goes.

So, I really tried to think of a nice, clear way to answer this question, but then I realized: it will never be perfect. All I can do is be genuine.

Yes. I do believe that Rise can still be saved. The same way that I hope that many of my favorite shows can return. And I do this because I simply choose to believe it. I choose to have hope. I don’t know, I can’t promise it will come back, but if I’m being true to myself, I choose to hope for the future that I want, and that future includes Rise in it. I once thought I would never get to see the Hey Arnold Jungle Movie, thought I joined the movement too late to bring it back…but it happened.

And I thank you for doing what you can. I did a lot for this show in the last two years. Been recommending it in real life, posting about it anywhere I can, supporting and uplifting other fans, liking as much art, and advertising projects as much as I can. I even put Rise related gifs in the comments of things I react to on social media, hoping that someone will get curious and give it a chance. I’ve sent emails, signed petitions, rewatched as many good videos as I can so that the algorithm can recommend it more. I’ve done a lot. I’m just…slowing down right now because I have a huge project I need to complete in order to graduate from Uni, and because it is hard to advocate for something on your own.

Unless someone is a billionaire and has ties to Hollywood, no one person can bring back Rise. It has to be a collaborative effort from as many fans as possible.

And I’m a lot like you. I’ve never felt this strongly about bringing a show back before. I didn’t even think I would be the person that most fans come to for hope. I just saw that no one was doing what I was hoping they would do: encourage fans not to give up. So I became that person.

I’m not going to lie. I did go through a grief process at first. I was genuinely heartbroken, especially when I notice that slowly but surely, people move on. That happens. It’s normal. But I don’t want to move forward without knowing that I did something. I didn’t just sit there and cry that things were unfair. I gave it my best shot. Sure, I may be wrong, and I may be disappointed, and nothing may come out of it. But I tried, a it’s a 1000 times better to try something, and fail at it, then to never give it a shot.

If I got just one person to fight for Rise, to sign those petitions, to make an effort, that’s enough for me. A victory is a victory, no matter how small. I remember when that petition was only 3 thousand signatures and now it’s over 10 thousand. I think that, as long as we don’t give up, as long as we keep spreading the word, as long as we try our best to bring in new fans, there is a chance. Someone sees a video with the hashtag #saveROTTMNT or #unpauseROTTMNT on YouTube, or insta, or wherever, and digs into the story, falls in love with the show, and tries to get in on the action.

Spectacular Spider-Man fans haven’t given up. Teen Titans fans haven’t given up. I don’t see why we should. And yes, there is always a possibility that the show may never return. But, just as much as there is a possibility of something bad happening, there is also a possibility of something good happening. We’re just pre-disposed to notice the negative, because part of survival is keeping our resources. We could gain 10 good things but still be heartbroken if we lose 1 thing, even if that 1 thing was a bad thing.

At the end of the day, I’ll say this. It’s okay to love something. It’s okay to be sad that it’s over. It’s okay to have a passion for something. It’s okay that a show inspires you, is there for you when you’re alone and scared, that it gives you hope, that it makes you happy, and so on. It’s okay to fight for it if you love it…and it’s okay to let it go, if you need to, or step back if you need to. There is no right way to enjoy a piece of media.

It’s all a choice. At least for me. I choose to do something. And I choose to forgive myself if things don’t work out. I understand that I’m human and there is only so much one person can do. There is no harm in hoping, or believing. I just do it because I want to. Because…well, hope is a ninja’s greatest weapon.

I don’t know if this answers your question, or if it was what you were hoping for. Sometimes we need to figure out an answer for ourselves. That was my answer.

I hope you keep finding things you love and that they bring you joy.

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[stellas-starry-stories13]

I have some questions for u to answer if u don't mind obv

- who's your favorite character? Top 5 also perhaps?

- what your other interest other than proseka?

- what are your hobbies?

- what's your fav color?

- who do you kin the most? Why?

No pressure here tq!

-🌹

Omg smth is in my inbox

Anyway hii miya :> thank you for popping in, I love interacting with ppl

i dont rlly think i have a favorite character of all time... But my favorite charactera from genshin and pjsk which are the fandoms im currently invested in (mostly pjsk) are lyney, rui and toya, so ig yiu could say them? I habe no idea honestly lol. OH when i was little i use to be so obsessed with this character named Roll from marvel vs capcom lol she used toi be my all time favorite char fsr

I have a list of fandoms in my about me but as i mentioned before, im into genshin, and also a lot of anime like haikyuu, bluelock, sousou no frieren, and ive recently gotten into The Dragon Prince! Not an anime but you should still watch its good. Oh, also when i waa little i was rlly into kid icarus uprising its so nostalgic omg. Kid icarus for switch when😭

Hobbies are voice acting, (my dream joib though i havent done anything yet) (way too shy to show my voice to the world lol) (thinking of randomly posting my impression of tsukasas laugh... I think i can imitate it decently lol), drawing, editing, writing (which is what this blog is supposed to be for lol) and ofc gaming. I actually have an art blog called @stellas-starry-scribbles13 . you should go check it out :D all the stuff there is outdated atm lol i have 11 artworks in my queue so thats literally eleven weeks worth of art LOL

Favorite color is hot pink :) 🌷 ive been into lavender too tho. Honestly i like all pastels and galaxy colors

Nene. Nene is my number one kinnie. Why? Shes a gamer, and shes a lil sass queen. We're both sarcastic too. Tho im more on the snarky side. I also kin ena slightly just bc we are both artists and have felt like our art isnt good enough. Even though it has hapoened well in the past, a lot of not-so-nice things habe been said abt mt art, and it kinda traumatized me (?) In a way so. Yeah.

Anyway tysm for showing up here and feel free to pop in again or even spam my inbox lol. Seriouslky, i get rlly happy when smth appears in my inbox. Byebye now ❤

[burning-sol]

im censoring any art i make of "her" and limiting reblogs because i do want to make vent art but i dont want to share a lot of details <- but if i dont share details it might make people feel wrong to later have interacted with any art featuring her at all. and i did make a post abt her in the past but it wasnt my intention to give the wrong impression of her because id genuinely experienced amnesia and couldnt remember the details about her. to be clear she's not real, she's not representative of any person in real life, i would describe her as a mix of my psychosis and what i recently realised describes maladaptive daydreaming.

i have been getting very very paranoid recently so ive been talking to xander and hy said he's going to help my get back in contact with a therapist when it gets the opportunity. i dont know how my behaviour has been perceived at all the past (???) amt of time, but i apologise if its caused confusion or distress.

anyways ill be talking about her under the cut with art but content warning it goes into talks about psychosis and emotional abuse and some transphobia and SA <- the art is evocative of that last thing i put it at the very bottom of the post. there's also talks about grooming..

i do have records of when she was first around but i only really looked at it to see how i drew her as i have a lot of amnesia around her and i dont like looking at old logs of things.. like. the thing is, there's a lot of stuff that happened online or i had uploaded online and i would rather let it remain forgotten rather than drag it back out. maybe its selfish of me but like i seriously dont want to think about the times i might have been groomed or the specifics of anything, i just want it all to go away. so yeah, i forgot about her and forgot about what she said or did because i wanted to forget and it didnt come up so it was whatever.

but there was a time where i was experiencing some different voices, ive had a track record of abusive voices throughout my life (to be clear xander is very different from that, to me it clearly has a wider depth of emotion and thought than these voices and actually has control over the body.. i just feel like i want to make that clear) and she was amongst them though i think she was different in her own way. the main reason i feel so scared of her is that i experienced a sexual hallucination perpetrated by her and i had to search up whether that was even possible because i have not heard anyone bringing it up before. but yes, that happened, and i dont claim to be a victim of sexual assault but it's still painful to think about and im still scared of her.

aside from the i guess "threats" of sexual interaction and recently threatening to leak sexually compromising information and photos of me, she is generally quite demeaning. she talks a lot about how i should just go back into being a complacent girl who does what she wants. she threatens to isolate me. i guess she's also threatened to hurt me physically too. its not real but at times it has felt like i am in literal chains and are at her whims and it makes me feel scared.

i dont know if its clear but there's a lot i dont bring up when it comes to any sexual trauma because i just. i dunno. i dont feel like any of it is worth talking about if im complicit in it, if its in my head, if its just nothing. things ive been involved in are deeply humiliating and hurtful. and of course i cant HELP but bring it up at times, as any person does, but out of everything i dislike talking about this trauma the most. id rather be quiet and not talk about anything and hell, i probably wont keep this post up.

a part of me realises it probably just hurts others that i dont talk to them about things like this. but talking to someone privately abt when im distressed makes me think about my previous toxic behaviours and i dont want to repeat that ever again, so i prefer to just stay quiet.

just typing this has made me exhausted from the emotional drain so ill stop this post here. thanks.

[treetownconfessions]

new-ish to the blog (been here about a month....,,) and i wanted to finally get this off my chest bc it was killing me. i'm queer as hell now but BACK THEN when i was 11-13 i was a cis boy who just liked reading comics and doing a jump everyday in hopes of becoming the tallest jumper in the world. and at the time i found out about happy tree friends and got into it very fast, both bc the gore and extremity was edgy and cool to me and because i genuinely liked the characters. i developed a crush on flippy, because, who didnt, and finding out a LOT of htf fans felt the same made me happy at first. but it became really clear nearly all the people who crushed and fangirled over him were girls irl and i felt like a weirdo about it because i was a BOY and i had a crush on flippy who was ALSO a boy. BUT seeing those same people ship flippy with other boy-characters in the show gave me massive mixed messages, because everyone seemed to love it when it was in-show only and i hadnt EVER met another boy online who had a crush on flippy so i wondered if it just wasnt allowed when it was outside of that, even though i wanted to express it with everyone else so bad. i couldnt go to my irl friends bc none of them were into htf and i was worried theyd think i was weird anyway. so my solution to keep crushing on flippy while still being normal to everyone else was making a htf oc that was quite literally a self-insert of myself, all the way down to the comics i liked irl, and shipped him with flippy. but i never told anyone it was my self-insert and just said it was an oc very unrelated to me and i wanted to keep it that way. i made horrible art of us and wrote equally horrible fanfic of this "oc" and flippy, bc i thought it was a genius solution to expressing my adoration for flippy whilst keeping the handful of followers and online friends i had satisfied bc it was boy x boy stuff. i never wrote/drew raunchy stuff about them bc as far as i can remember it was just shit like going on a date with flippy at the library or having picnics with him etc etc. but once i shared a recent fic with one of my online friends about them and at some point they went "you wrote it like an x reader so i thought it was self insert lol" and i was genuinely in shambles. i thought they were accusing me of having a crush on flippy myself and they were about to expose me or something (they didnt even know i was a boy irl so i dont know??) so i defensively told them it wasnt a self insert and i wasnt attracted to flippy in the slightest. but i was really rude about it and they replied saying they never said that, they never accused me of having a crush on flippy or anything like that and it was just a mistake. i dont remember the entirety of our messages but i remember getting so butthurt and angry i kept telling them to fuck off and that it wasnt a mistake on their end and they HAD to be accusing me of actually liking flippy. i blocked them and i cried so hard into my pillow i could barely breathe and i considered running away from home that day bc i was convinced that person was gonna tell everyone i liked flippy even though i was a boy and somehow get to my irl friends and family and i would be considered a freak for it forever. i stopped posting my art and fics of that "oc" and flippy after that and i didnt know how to delete my account at the time (it was on deviantart) so i just logged out and never touched it again. ive been thinking about it recently now as an adult and i forgot the password to that account so everything is still up and there hasnt been a new comment since 7 years ago but it keeps me up at night thinking about the person i cussed out and all the published stuff

[petewentzisblack1312]

hi i wanted to ask something but also share something personal as well. my q is: do you feel like your relationship w social media has changed? meaning, do you catch / notice when you are on it for too long and you start to notice, and then you say: okay let's take a break. for me, i have been online for a long time ever since i was a kid, and now my relationship to it is i only limit myself an hour to being on my phone. as an adult now i am no longer social media "obsessed". like, when i am in school i am not thinking about online, i am present when im at school. i feel like i am really close to just deleting sm tbh. it does not grant me happiness like it used to. now as an adult i feel this need to live my life freely.

i also wanted to ask what are ur thoughts on content influencers? to me when i see these ppl i think...i could never post about everything about my life, but then again understanding that it is just a highlight reel. no one is posting every sad / frustrating thing that happens in their life as influencer, only the "great" parts.

this is an interesting question! i think ive never really had a relationship to social media where i feel like i need to post constantly or felt pressured to share everything. while im definitely the most online out of my household, compared to a lot of other people im not really very present online. i dont like using twitter, i only really use instagram to look at and post art and occasionally post a picture of my cat or nature or food on my main account, i dont really get up to much and i never use facebook unless i have to. i hate it. even here on tumblr i dont post a lot about my personal life unprompted, and this is the social media site i use the most by far. i do scroll tumblr a lot, i do watch a lot of youtube videos (though almost exclusively video essays on politics and recently also artist vlogs) and i do notice myself scrolling a bit too much, particularly when im overstimulated but instead of doing something less stimulating im anxious and looking for a distraction so i like. scroll harder. but ive never been like doing something else and thought 'man, i wish i was scrolling right now'. i dont really know. i do have trouble putting my phone down, like when i need to sleep, but i have trouble putting ANYTHING down. games, books, art or writing or projects im working on, music im listening to, i dont think tumblr is special, its just another activity for me to be distracted by.

all that being said, i did leave social media for a while. i had a really bad experience in a fandom on tumblr (not the pwams incident. that led me to step away from bandom and move to another fandom) and honestly it made me realise that the problem i had with social media wasnt that i was using it too much, but that i had a toxic relationship with the communities i was interacting with on there. the nature of my relationship to social media was unhealthy, not the fact that i had one that was a large part of my life. i think when i wasnt using any social media i actually wasnt in a great place either, because i was isolated from people id cared about, especially since i had just undergone a very traumatic incident, and because of that became very isolated from my in person friends as well, even before the pandemic pushed me away from even the acquaintances i had made. i was worried about coming back to tumblr, but i think ive grown and learned in such a way that i know how i like to comport myself in cyberspaces, and that its been good for me in a way. which is weird, but. i think id kind of have to go in depth about my life and how the pandemic affected me and the specific nature of coming of age in st lucia and stuff. which i dont want to do haha.

as for influencers. i hate the concept. i understand it, and i dont universally hate influencers as a whole, but like. theres this specific kind of content creator where the thing they are sharing is just their life and there isnt like a specific thing theyre logging, like an artist sharing their creative process and how they manage their life around that, or a chef sharing recipes, and its not like theyre doing it just to do it, they have the goal of growing a following, and theyre not advertising anything but themself, like JUST themself, as a person-brand, and i find that so deeply annoying and repulsive. and like thats strong wording its a dog eat dog world and the girlies of all genders need to secure the bag like i get it. i get it. but its revolting to me. like. the vlogbrothers werent trying to get famous they were using youtube to communicate with each other and as an open video diary and people found them to be interesting personalities to watch. right. do you get it. annoyingly i gotta put myself out there if i want people to find my art and pins and stuff so i have to fuckin. make videos. sell people on me. the idea of making vlogs makes me dry heave bc im not important i dont want to have to sell myself like im important i dont want to put my face on a camera and implicitly say with every quirky performed statement i make 'i matter, pay attention to me, i need to exist so look at me' but unfortunately i might have to. a video essay i could do. thats me saying something. but a vlog? with the goal of people finding my stuff? good god. it sounds like poison.

[eirian]

also i thought about it and maybe i still do have depression. i thought i was doing way better than before--and i am!--but im realizing that some shit i feel is still...very much depressive behavior

this got long so. snip snip

like for example im not interested in/not as happy indulging in certain things i used to be. at first i chalked this up to growing older, maturing a little, but like...idk. i know 70 year olds who are still way into their fandoms--it makes them happy. why am i not happy with indulging in fandoms anymore? why do i not enjoy things the way i used to even though it used to bring me so much joy just to even Think about these things? why do i produce less art that makes me happy??

like...its depression, girl. youre depressed

i havent been able to take one of my prescribed antidepressants recently for a little over a MONTH b/c the website i use to order it from (here its $30 and anywhere else its $120 which i cant be paying that much for medication monthly) has just, not been working. this whole time. so ive been partially unmedicated for a hot minute. so maybe thats??? part of it??? BUT ive had the medication beforehand and i still felt this way about fandoms and interests so maybe it wasnt working as well as i thought it was in the first place u_u

i saw an adhd specialist yesterday and he put me on an actual mood stabilizer bc he feels my bipolar depression hasnt been properly treated so far (ive not been on any stabilizers before now) so he thinks maybe thatll help with some adhd symptoms like racing thoughts and lack of focus. so thats something

this little ramble turned into a very long post my bad

[rosicheeks]

oh yes you were at court! i forgot that was at the start of that post lmao. i've been to court twice when i was super young for drinking underage and then smoking lool it was so boring and long and shit but thankfully you were just there for moral support, i hope it wasen't such a bad thing your friend had to deal with! I remember seeing you post about moving but i forget if it was TO or AWAY from your parents but that clears it up. I totally get you on that though, i'm living at home right now and i feel kind of similar about not feeling comfortable in your own home. Its a bit different for me, but similar enough. Hell my stepdad even sleeps in the living room too! hes always done that so ive always felt like i had to be on eggshells when night time hit. I used to sneak smoking in the backyard back in the day myself, i got caught once when i was in highschool he made me throw all my pieces out which sucked big time. ahhh i love that, art! you should totally show more stuff on here too, at least if you're comfortable and its not stuff you'd wanna sell, i would absolutely love to see any of it 🖤i've dabbled in writing poems and things i planned to make songs, although only recently. I've always wanted to be a musician but my attempts at learning guitar over the years have never ended up lasting long and i try to learn singing but i just dont really think i can. plus i was always afraid of self expression so i never wrote until a few years ago. i still do, because music is so important to me (which is why i did pick 🎤!) and it makes me so happy but yeah. i have 2 shows im headed to in a few months even so im so excited 🥰my day though has been so boring, i mostly played video games and watched youtube videos. watched another episode of a show i've been watching called Silo, which i absolutely love. im so surprised you had room in your tags still after myself lmao, but i do that same thing i always talk in the tags! also i'm giving you tons of hugs and kisses 😘🥰 - 🎤

Hi hi hi ☺️ how are you doing lovely? 🥰

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

thoughtfulposting about some art i made recently (readmore cus long)

this year i rly wanted to draw madoka for her birthday in a way that represents the frequency of self actualized libra, as a test for myself like how well can i put down the energy i sense visually, but also, to help myself understand my own motivations at this point in my life. i watched madoka magica for the first time in 2012 when i was 18 so its been w me for 10 years now. there’s a lot of ancient text posts scattered across my old tumblrs where im ranting about how i feel so useless and empty like madoka, i have nothing to offer except giving all of my self up to the people in my life. i see it in so many libra types, suns moons risings whatever, its like you want nothing more than to be a side character in your own life. the sun is in it’s detriment when it’s in libra because it makes your ego so weak, it often takes years to even gain the self awareness that you accidentally merge with everyone you care about to the extent that the thought of being You is terrifying. it wasnt even like anyone had to force me to be their sidekick. it just happened naturally, it was what i wanted, i was always known as someone’s best friend or partner, it’s what i was comfortable with but.. over time it wore me down, when i was alone i’d lose my mind, i grew so insecure that i had no means of self sufficiency. since the time i was 18 i slowly became more aware of the way i was sacrificing too much of myself in a way that was ultimately unproductive to everyone.. i had to cycle through the same lessons over n over again before it really REALLY sunk in. speaking of cycles, i am almost done with my saturn return, which is the first cycle of saturn that takes around 29.5 years. my saturn is in aquarius, almost exactly trine my libra sun and jupiter. saturn is also the ruling planet of my chart, being that i am capricorn rising. its a time of high pressure. everything i was doing that was  unsustainable has completely crumbled around me. i am forced to develop into my own person and for all the pain, it is giving me an unusual sense of gratitude.. so i knew that when i drew madoka i wanted to draw her by herself. and i wanted her to look strong.. i kept thinking of the world card, the way it’s representative of wholeness, fulfillment, completion of cycles. the way she’s looking back into the past w compassion as she steps forward into the future. i wasnt sure though, i was trying to come up w other ideas too. i had just started listening to bladee spiderr for the first time as i was looking up pictures of the world card. suddenly as understatement is playing it clicks w me the lyrics im hearing,,

(Gravity very up, won the World Cup) (What? What? What? What?) F the world, what? F the world, what? What? What? What? What? (Gravity very up, won the World Cup) (What? What? What? What?) (F the world, what? F the world, what?)

i just kept hearing him repeat “The World” and it felt so synchronized like it was the first time id ever heard that song, i am hearing these lyrics for the first time as im staring at the world card which i had just searched up right before it got to that part in the song. it felt like a message T-T and then this as the outro,

Never read the reason as a sign Keep this little secret in your mind Final destination is the sky Caterpillar dreamt that it could fly

yep OK i hear you loud & clear, im drawing madoka as the world! it was a cathartic thing to draw, more than most of my drawings. i cried a lot during the process, thinking about how far ive come, how much ive evolved from the scared fragile 18yr old madokaform i once was. its not like im doing amazing now but i know who i am and i am working hard to create my own purpose that will unfold just for me. this blog has helped me a lot to feel like i can explore my own world. ofc the nature of this blog is still somewhat reliant on input from others.. but i like that.. i think there’s good and distinguishable boundaries and like. this time last year i was posting to no one and it was basically like that for 6 months. and id do it again! because i post to post, whether people reciprocate or not, does not dictate my actions. it’s freeing.. it really is great though, the little tumblr community on here, it’s incredibly sweet and i love u all a lot. it’s really helping me get thru the crumbling period of my life. if you even read all this, thank you! i wanted to write this for catharsis. i want to be the hero of my story like aries bladee. yep thats my ramblings for today.

Your favourite songs getting old, the same story being told Over and over and over again Too many times in a row, the same lesson I know the same lesson I know I know, I know To holy lights we exposed We start shining in gold Golden, golden, golden

[tomyo]

I know I suddenly posted a lot of backlog adventure stuff back to back haha but just a little lore building here. I felt some energy to actually try games after the rush of playing KH3. At the same time, games are hard alone bleh.

Next week though, I'm briefly staying with a friend who I might try to play through with on Sonic Riders and Nights. Last year when I visited him, I brought my Dreamcast down and we went through Jet Set Radio on it so this is the next playthrough together I guess hahaha.

I would of liked to play more Dreamcast games soon, however a lot of mine don't actually work at the moment. Shenmue and Sonic adventure need to be polished which is big oof anxiety and to a much less extent, Cooking Mama cook off. Might even trade that one in to be real. I think it'd probably be the most fun for us to one day attempt a Dream Cast Binge together. Shenmue will certainly be....a heavy meal of a game and other games like Time Stalkers and Space Channel 5 would just be fun with friends. I might even bring the 360 at some point so I can force him to do Free Riders with me too hahaha.

In general since basically buying every Harvest Moon game out there (as I write this I may or may not be getting grand bazaar and hero of leaf valley 💀) my attention jumped to my Sonic collection. Basically my biggest gap is with Wii era games surprisingly. When I was in elementary to early high school I was pretty big on the games and bought a lot of them for the sub $15 the GameCube ones cost at that time. There is a distinct pain over the fact the copy of Adventure XD I had I had to return for being to scratched given the prices now and for personal reasons, there's someone who I've wanted to be the one to give me their old copy of even though it won't ever happened hahaha. My biggest desires right now are to get my hands on Black Knight but I've also wanted a 360 copy of Unleashed, Generations, Zero Gravity, and Shadow the Hedgehog. Rush adventure and Shuffle also catch my eye but my wallet hurts enough as is. I really need to stop getting into game collecting.

Part of the reason to bring Sonic up is also because I'll probably be playing a replay of Sonic 06 with the friend who leant me his PS4. He apparently never played it but wants to and I love just... Backseat gaming rather than actually playing. Hahahah. Games can be magical but art takes up too much time in my life now. The switch has been helpful for my more on the go lifestyle these days but I often still run short on free time. Even now Ive been wasting work hours to do KH3 this past weekend.

I guess my final little ramble is back to my HM collection. God it's kinda scary how many games I had suddenly bought at once. I keep meaning to play but I know they're the kinda games I have to secretly dedicate a lot of time towards. If I do end up getting the two aforementioned with my recent impulse gets, I've pretty much achieved most major versions of the game. My biggest other missing ones probs come down to the Og Story of Seasons, A version of Back to Nature, and the FoMT remake. Another wonderful life is on there but I'm starting to question my need for that one when I hate all the bachelors which I'm required to marry. Overall though I've reached what feels like a pretty doable conclusion from all of those.

Playing them however.....is a separate case hahaha. I had briefly started a AWLSE run which I might try to pick up, I want to return to Animal Parade as well over the winter, and a Save the Homeland run should??? Be quick??? I just started a my little shop attempt which is a pretty pick up and put down game so I will likely do that daily with Animal Parade when I play that. Overall I think my biggest scare is the handheld games. They should be easier but they feel harder. I want to do A New beginning the most but the game mechanics are daunting. The DS cute Skye playthrough might end up being the better choice from those right now. Which leads me to question how long will I take to go through all those games since I haven't been playing them over the years like they were meant for.

I think if I do go through end of the year as I intend to, recovering from surgery, I will try to go through a bunch of them.

[butterscotch-brigade]

thinking about your post urging people to reading various genres and content and to challenge their reading skills... and i agree with you so much i definitely think it can strengthen one's reading comprehension and broaden prospective. like even if the quality isn't good or the genre isn't your thing, it can be a fun experience to read something outside of what you're used to. your post just makes me think how nice it can be to just read and gain anything, whether that's maybe knowledge or new queries, out of something new.

also i have to ask do you have any book recommendations? :)

YOU!!!! YOU GET IT!!!!!! one of the many values of reading is what you GAIN from books, and how you can apply that to ur life - whether its philosophical/existential questions or entertaining moments or parts that made you emotional in some way. even if you didnt like a book, walking out of it with the feeling that youve gained/felt something new or intriguing is its own reward.

and as for recommendations.....i have to say my favorite genre is definitely murder mystery, and my favorite author is agatha christie!!! the queen of plot twists imo. her books can be offputting to some bc a lot of the time her books dont always open up with the murder itself; many chapters are dedicated to the events LEADING UP to the murder in order to provide context and drop hints. not all of her books do this, but i can see why some people might become impatient when reading some of her work. that being said, my favorite book of hers had got to be the murder of roger ackroyd, but i also love the abc murders and hercule poirot's christmas.

as far as standalone books go, one book ive been devouring recently is i'm glad my mom died by jennette mccurdy, an autobiography about a former child actress who faced considerable abuse both in her home life and on set for some of her most famous works, most notably "icarly" and "sam and cat." its a hard read that contains descriptions of abuse, eating disorders, trauma, and child exploitation (sometimes sexual). ultimately, though, it becomes a book about healing as she describes life before and after the death of her abusive mother. mccurdy's writing style is so creative and snarky and clever, with some dark humor thrown in. not for those sensitive to the discussed themes, but definitely an engaging read.

i would also like to recommend a book that ive recommended to other people in my life before: penpal by dathan auerbach. this is a horror novel with themes of stalking, death (both humans and animals), and kidnapping. it originally started as a series of short stories online before being published as a full book. i dont want to talk too much about it bc i dont want to spoil anything, but its one of the most suspenseful and chilling stories ive ever read. highly recommend going into it blind bc it hits so much harder when u dont know whats coming.

finally, and this is a VERY different and more unconventional choice, i strongly recommend reading calvin and hobbes. it was a newspaper comic strip that ran from 1985-1995, and it was what inspired me to start drawing and writing stories in the first place. there are several books and collections containing various comics from the strip's run, and theyre all fantastic. they will make you laugh, cry, and think. i know what youre thinking: "how can a newspaper comic be so good?" but trust me, TRUST ME, its one of the most inspirational works of art i have ever come across. without calvin and hobbes i likely wouldnt be where i am today, it literally changed my life. please read calvin and hobbes i am BEGGING you.

theres a LOT of books i love but i am currently living in an apartment farther away from my hometown, where i have a bunch more on my bookshelf. so sorry if these recommendations arent extensive enough i dont have access to my actual Book Supply akskdkdkd

thank u for letting me talk abt books!!!!! have a wonderful day/night/etc and always remember to keep reading :)

[pr1ncessm00n]

for sale or wanted — jean kirstein x fem!reader

six.

prev | next

series masterlist

[playlist : sea sick - binki ]

warnings: cursing

semi written chapter <3

jean’s perspective :

⎯

y/n’s perspective :

⎯

jean:

Rolling his eyes, Jean exited out of his and Connie’s conversation. He paused for a minute, staring at his recent conversations. His thumb hovered over Y/N’s number, and he found himself selecting their messages. Not knowing why, Jean felt the urge to save her contact.

It might be useful later, Jean rationalized.

Clicking ‘Save Contact’, Jean quickly wrote “y/n” in the name category before saving her number. He didn’t know why he would need it or want it later… but he couldn’t resist the blossoming feeling of hope that this wouldn’t be the only interaction he had with Sasha’s estranged roommate.

Jean couldn’t deny that she was attractive, and even though their first greeting was awkward, the nervousness quickly melted away into carefree conversation. Jean mentally chastised himself for possibly oversharing with the girl he just met, but he couldn’t push away the giddiness that accompanied whenever he played back the words he and Y/N exchanged. He secretly hoped he would get to chat with her again when he returned later to pick up the couch with Reiner, his soccer team mate. He wondered what Y/N’s first impression of him was. Did she think he was weak for not being able to transport the couch? Did she find him as charismatic as he found her? Why was he so nervous?

Jean wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and grabbed his house key. He chalked the nervousness off to just simply being unnerved by the girl’s beauty. It was nothing out of the usual. It was just one interaction, he reminded himself. At least, that’s what he was telling his friends.

Reiner honked from the outside of Jean’s apartment, causing Jean to break out of his thoughts. Jean quickly shuffled to the door, making sure to grab a jacket and a hair tie on his way out the door and to Y/N’s dorm, and to potentially a new connection.

⎯

Jean couldn’t resist tweeting what he thought.

lol Armin trying to hide his lil chess club meetings hehe

Jean lowkey doesn’t want Eren to go to Y/N’s bc he feels like he’ll steal all the attention.

Jean’s mom told Sasha and Connie about how he would chant for omelets as a kid and as you can see, they will not let Jean live it down.

⎯

a/n:

ahh! firstly THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! for your sweet messages and i just cant believe yall really enjoy this that much. ive been kind of busy lately so ik this might be rushed and its not even proofread im ngl but i promise i actually have a plot and outline 😭 just bear with me. anyways i also wanted to add :

any art i use for social media posts i do NOT own!! all credit goes to the creators, sadly i find most of these on pinterest so they don’t all have creator’s credit and i can’t keep up with all of them to list. i won’t remove any watermarks however and if anyone recognizes an artist’s work and would like to tag, mention them or send me a message so i can post about it please feel free to do so!! i am not here to plagiarize or steal anyone’s hard work and i appreciate artists so much <33

anyways i’m sorry this is short but it is slowburn people lol. see y’all <3

taglist : @usernamehere91 @tsunderehokage @calumsfringe

[noona96n]

Dw about it, a lot of people don't pay much attention to manhua or donghua, though there's been a couple recently that got more attention (idk if you've heard of link click? That one got some people talking, It's nothing compared to what seasonal anime get but that's to be expected I guess)

The mdzs manhua is super gorgeous by the way, the manhua for tgcf (different book same author) is even prettier like wow

And i totally get that yea, I'd also get worried. I'll leave myself mysterious I suppose ^^ an anonymous contributor to the askbox.

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense~

OMG YES I LOVEEEEEEEEE LINK CLICK SO MUCH

i binged it in one go and what the fckn fck the ending THE FCKN ENDING i also watched the trailer for S2 and ??? WHAT THE FCK

emotional damage x3000 T^T

ive seen some of the artworks for mdzs and tgcf and they are gorgeous... i didn't know they were two different story rip ive seen the jpn trans at bookstores before and i was so confused when i read the sample bcs they weren't prequel-sequel or main story-side story like i thought lol

naw, thank u for keeping me company!

im just rewatching my fav kdramas tbh... beyond evil, secrets (2013), the guest (yea i rewatched the guest like thrice rip)

im also catching up on some of my fav mangas~ like jujutsu kaisen & kuroshitsuji. well im also thinking about reading & watching spy x family and picking up yuukoku no moriaty back up... im back in my anime phase rn lol i went to the jjk x dolce & gabbana collab store this afternoon and felt extremely poor haha

im not really in the mood to start anything new rn bcs im still finding my footing at uni... and im too anxious about my visa extension and stuff so yah, low anxiety stuff only

unless it's sth so compelling like the guest huhu

edit 1: oh oh oh im going to watch cherry magic movie tmr!!! im super fckn excited!!!!! i won't understand 100% but hey i'll understand some, so!! hnghhh

edit 2: im sorta watching kinnporsche right now... i say sorta bcs i don't really pay attention when i watch it, which is a disservice to the series T^T it's mostly bcs im distracted w/ personal stuff and can't really appreciate the series properly rip

omggggg frog-san!!! omg ily i love ur arts u are so fckn talented u have more talent in ur pinky than i do in my entire being i adore u

i do follow u! but i rarely see u on my dash T^T hnghhh

it's ur blog~ u post what u want or don't post at all, up to u ;3

[nightswithkookmin]

MONDAY, JANUARY 18TH: GOLDY'S LOG

I miss Suga. Scratch that. I miss Agust D. My spirit animal.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, wondering if his injury isn't an exemption to military service. I wonder if he qualifies, in light of his injury, as an able body. I wonder what their law defines as able body.

I wonder if he passed the legal physical exam and health assessment test when he turned 19, since he's had that injury way before debut. Or if BTS have undergone that mandatory military service assessment since they are all past 19 and what their results are.

Jimin has chronic back pain too. That should qualify him for an exemption to military duty. He can still do desk work if it's that serious.

I should talk to ***** and look into South Korea's law on exemptions to military service.

Moon values the arts and culture industry. There's already been an extension for conscription for the benefit of BTS. Their success and longevity in the spot light perhaps influenced this decision. Should BTS maintain this momentum, an exemption would be inevitable I feel.

I miss them. They've been gone for too long. I'm worried about the impact this is going to have on their popularity if they disconnect from fans for so long or be mechanical about the way they connect with their fans.

I hate the limited access to them. But Scarcity increases the value of a product and it's not surprising if this is the approach BigHit is adopting in the wake of the pandemic.

Limited access not only raises value, it creates demand. Bang PD is a bigbrain marketing genius- I hate it.

They are taking a huge risk with this new marketing strategy. Personally, I'd stick to what works but then I am no marketing guru. Just a consumer who likes to play it safe. I guess I won't be getting hired anytime soon. Fuck.

It's all very fascinating.

What's equally fascinating is the shippers out here on these streets. The Jokers.

I... they confuse the hell out of me sometimes.

How are they going to question my rationality when I talk about moments I feel Jikook are having issues in their relationship or had broken up etc but then have no problem with and even applaud that same rationality when I talk about moments that has led me to believe there is lack of depth in Tae Kook's dynamics or that they are not real by any standard or that another ship in BTS isn't real.

Do I have two minds? Or are they more inclined to be selective in their beliefs based on their biases towards Jikook and against other ships? It's weird.

By the same lens I define Jikook as real, I define Tae Kook or any other ship that includes JK and Jimin as not real. And by that same lens if I feel Jikook aren't together then I'm wrong and irrational?

It really confounds me.

Not sure if they expect me to apply double standards to Jikook in those instances.

I don't think there is right and wrong opinions or perspective when it comes to shipping, but I think if they are right about me being wrong about my perspective on Jikook then I must be wrong about my perspective on any other ship in BTS as well.

I can't be right about one and wrong about another. I'm either right about all or wrong about all.

I can't be 'right' about Tae Kook having 'issues' in their bond in such a way I think it often bars them from fully nurturing their bond and developing depth to it but then be 'wrong' about Jikook also having issues that mess with their bond from time to time when it's the same measurement I use in accessing the depth of bond of both ships.

I really don't understand their way of thinking.

What is right and what is wrong and who decides on that?

I think we ought to substitute right and wrong with 'believe and believable.' The approach to such discourse should be about what one is willing to believe or not believe about certain discussions: I believe this. I don't believe that. Because believes stem from our personal biases towards a subject.

And the people that come running to me with 'look, Jikook smiled at each other in On era so change your mind'

I would except I hear this debate all the time. I wonder if they realize they sound exactly like the Tuktukkers in my DMs trying to convince me Tae Kook is real.

'Look Tae sat on JK's laps! How can you say there is no depth to Tae kook' ' He squished JK's cheeks' 'Jk said he wants to ride with Tae, if there was no depth why did he say he wanted to ride with him'

I have a feeling Soft Koo is back. The days of Terminator JK might be over. Too bad, I liked terminator JK. He was a bad ass.

I like that he is experimenting with his looks. But I'm glad his Ravi-esque phase is over. I wonder who he is drawing inspiration from this time. He reminds me of Jimin though. There is something peaceful and serene about his looks.

Can't really tell much because Bighit is sitting on tons of footages. I think I need to send a truck to Bang PD HQ.

I don't like that Jimin posted a Vhopemin photo for Tae's birthday. It was cute and all but I don't like it. That shit felt passive aggressive as fuxk. Lmho. What, he didn't have a V or Vmin photo in his gallery? Sounds like someone didn't put much effort in their VMin agenda for this post.

I wonder if he will keep the same energy come JK's birthday. I mean both him and Tae didn't post for him💀

May be I'm reaching on this one. But a single post where V was not even the focus of the post... I think his birthday means a lot to him and he enjoys when people shower him with love and attention and I don't think his birthday is an exception.

And he kept reiterating after such said birthday how he recently discovered he loves to be loved and how he does most of the things he does in order to be loved by his fans, friends and family.

And it breaks my heart that, the headlines read BTS shower X, Y with love on his birthday but the two people close to him were missing from that list this time. The media talks about BTS posting for eachother as them showering eachother with love. Certainly they all know this.

And the fact Jin posted for Tae after Tae's birthday says a lot about Tae and JK. Tae had no intention of posting perhaps because he left JM a message on the packages. With Jin I feel he was overcompensating for not posting for him on his birthday...

JK gets a pass. If JM wasn't happy about him not posting for his birthday, he would have pulled a Jin.

Jimin talking about coming to the realization he loves to be loved makes me think JK withholding his affections openly made him come to the realization he loves to be loved. Just a hunch. And the only reason JK would withhold his affections is if Jimin himself estopps him. Those two give me headaches.

I think I got the closure I needed from this.

LESSON: dont get on JM's bad side and bloody post for his birthday 💀

Tae been releasing photos of Jimin and Jhope a lot lately. Not sure how that makes me feel either. I think it's beautiful. But when I think about all these beautiful photos he has of Jimin on his phone and how generous he is with them- I think they would have been more meaningful had he released it on JM's birthday. The snow photo he posted still sits in my Vmin heart somewhere.

I really don't like this not posting for each other's birthday business. It's 2021. They need to cut it out.

I feel JK set a bad precedent but personal happiness first so good for him.

This moment haunts me for some reason.

What was going through V's head. I want to know. RM looks done. Lol.

Jimin is really beautiful. I love his eyes when he smiles and the thing he does with his shoulders.

Some people complain I write a lot. Some say I don't write enough. Ayayayai!!!!!!

What to do.

I think I accidentally deleted a post.

I'm looking forward to JKK1. Stay Gold, Still with you, Your eyes tell... I hope he hasn't given his best away cos those were bops.

PJM1... oh God I'm nervous. I'm excited for it but nervous. I think Serendipity is a classic. The Christmas song was equally great and frankly the only good Christmas Ive heard so far and I don't even like Christmas- nothing against Baby Jesus I just think it sucks. That bridge in Dis-ease is something.

I want to read his thoughts. His spotify playlist is insightful but I want to confirm if he really sees himself as a mess who is always causing his lover grief.

I mean he did say he has realized he needs to be considerate towards those that love him. Not sure yet the connection there.

I want to read his thoughts.

PJM1....

I love JHOPE. I think his ship with Jimin is beautiful and healing. They make my insides warm. Not sure if their shippers think they are real. Do they? That would be awkward.

I think RM and Jimin need to spend time together... it would be good for them.

Jimin and Sungwoon shippers are alleging Jimin has been staying with Sungwoon all this while. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

But the bit about him living with Sungwoon before the start of Bon V 4 has me🤔

Around that period, I don't believe JM was at the dorms and Jikook were not together then too. He must have been staying somewhere...

I'll let them have that.

But around November 2019 when he was having issues with JK he was staying with Tae too so no I don't think that means Sungwoon is queer or that Jimin is sleeping with him💀

They need to get out of their imaginations.

I think Jikook will drive me crazy one day.

I can feel my cranium swelling.

JiRose shippers need to pack it up. They really think Jimin is straight? 💀

It's the bad editing for me.

That doesn't look like a straight face to me. Unless his butt was on fire and he was uncomfortable looking at that black interviewer, I think that's his flirting face.

Lately I've been thinking about what ifs.

What if Jikook is not real?

I wish I believed that.

[uomo-accattivante]

I recently came across a bunch of press articles and photos about Oscar Isaac that are so old, they appear to be out-of-print and pre-date social media. Considering they were probably never digitally transcribed for internet access, I’m guessing that the majority of current fans have never seen this stuff.

Even though a lot of these digital scans are challenging to read because they are the original fuzzy news print, I think there some gems worth sharing with you guys. Over the next several weeks, I will transcribe and share those gems on this page. Hope you enjoy them!

Let’s start with this fantastic 2001 profile piece done before Oscar was accepted into Juilliard:

South Florida’s rising star isn’t just acting the part

By Christine Dolen - cdolen@herald.com

February 4, 2001

As fifth-graders at Westminster Christian School in Miami, Oscar Isaac and his classmates were asked to write a story as if they were animals on Noah’s Ark. Oscar turned in a seven-page play – with original music – from the perspective of a platypus. Then he starred in the production his teacher directed.

He hasn’t stopped expressing himself creatively since. Today, Isaac is one of South Florida’s busiest young theater actors, and certainly its hottest. And not just because he’s a slender five-feet nine-inches tall with an expressively handsome face and glistening brown eyes.

Since making his professional debut as a Cuban hustler in Sleepwalkers at Area Stage in July 1999, he has played an explosive Vietnam vet in Private Wars for Horizons Repertory, a pot-smoking slacker in This Is Our Youth at GableStage, another Cuban on the make in Praying With the Enemy at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, the entrancing narrator of Side Man at GableStage, a Havana-based writer in Arrivals and Departures for the new Oye Rep and, most recently, a young Fidel Castro in When It’s Cocktail Time in Cuba at New York’s Cherry Lane Theater.

Beginning Wednesday, he’ll be juggling five roles in City Theatre’s annual Winter Shorts festival, first at the Colony Theatre in Miami Beach, then at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts. But that is not all: During the two weeks he is doing Winter Shorts, he’ll also be playing dates with the punk-ska band The Blinking Underdogs (www.blinkingunderdogs.com), which features him as lead singer, guitarist and songwriter.

Oh, and he just got back from auditioning for New York’s prestigious Juilliard School of Drama.

All this for a guy a month shy of his 22nd birthday.

Sure, you could hate a guy who’s that talented, that charismatic, that transparently ambitious. But the people who have worked with Oscar Isaac don’t. On the contrary, they’re all sure he has it – that magical, can’t-be-taught thing that transforms an actor into a star.

Playwright Eduardo Machado, who put in a good word for Isaac at Juilliard, says “he does have that star quality that makes your eyes go to him. It’s great that someone with that talent still wants to train.”

“He has a star quality that’s rare in a young actor,” adds Joseph Adler, who directed him in Side Man and This Is Our Youth. “Without a doubt I expect to be hearing great things from him.”

‘I JUST LOVE CREATING’

Isaac, who also makes short films, can’t say exactly why he was attracted to acting. He just knows it makes him happier than anything, that it’s what he was meant to do. And he’s been doing it since he was a 4-year-old putting on plays in his family’s backyard with his sister Nicole.

“I just love creating, whether it’s music or films or a character on a stage. I love taking people for a ride,” he says. “In Side Man, every night I would love being that close to the audience. I felt like I was talking to 80 of my closest friends.

“I could feel what the audience was feeling.”

His powerful, mournful-yet-loving monologue near the end of the play, he said, “worked every night. I knew it would get them. I’d hear sniffles.

“But it had less to do with me than with the atmosphere [created by the playwright and director].”

You could understand if Isaac, surrounded as he is by praise and possibility, had an ego as burgeoning as his career. Instead, he channels the positive reinforcement into confidence about his work.

“He has such a charm and an ease onstage, but he’s very modest,” says New York-based actress Judith Delgado, who shared the stage with Isaac in Side Man. “He’s hungry. He’s got moxie. I was blown away by him.

“He saved me a couple of times. I went up [forgot a line] and that baby boy of mine came through. He’s a joy.”

FORGING HIS OWN PATH

The son of a Cuban-American father and a Guatemalan mother, Isaac was never a stellar student. But he found ways of turning routine assignments – like the Noah’s Ark story – into creative challenges.

His science reports were inevitably video documentaries underscored with punk music. He acted through middle and high school, though he had a falling out with his drama teacher at Santaluces Community High in Lantana over his misgivings about a character. When she refused to cast him in anything else, he got his English teacher to let him play the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors his senior year.

His skepticism about authority and love of playing the devil’s advocate have long made him resist doing things the usual way. His post-high school “training” consisted of one semester at Miami-Dade Community College’s South Campus (where he met his girlfriend, Maria Miranda), touring schools playing an abusive character in the Coconut Grove Playhouse’s Breaking the Cycle, and working as a transporter of bodies at Baptist Hospital, where he absorbed the drama of people in emotionally intense situations.

“It was the most magnificent dramatic institute I could’ve attended,” Isaac said. “I was able to observe the entire spectrum of human emotion, people under the most extreme duress. I was mesmerized watching the way people interacted with each other in such heightened situations.

“I learned everything about the human condition, and it was real and harsh and brutally honest.”

Yet even given his propensity for forging his own path, something nudged him another direction while he was in New York making his Off-Broadway debut in December. Walking by Juilliard one day, he impulsively went in to ask for an application. Though the application deadline had passed, Isaac persuaded Juilliard to accept his, noting in his application essay that most of the exceptional actors he admires had acquired “a brutally efficient technique” to enhance their talent by studying at places like Juilliard.

Though he won’t know whether he has been accepted until the end of this month, his audition last weekend went well, he says. He did monologues from Henry IV, Part I and Dancing at Lughnasa, adjusting his Shakespearean Hotspur to a more fiery temperature at the suggestion of Michael Kahn, head of Juilliard’s acting program – though not without arguing that Hotspur wouldn’t be speaking to the king that way.

Isaac, not surprisingly, loves a good debate.

Adler, GableStage’s artistic director and a man who is as liberal as Isaac once was conservative, savored the verbal jousting they did during rehearsals for Side Man.

“He knows exactly how to pull my chain,” Adler says with a laugh. “Intelligence is the cornerstone of all great actors, and he’s bright as hell.

“He has relentless ambition but with so much charm. He’s very hard to say no to. He has incredible raw talent and magnetism that is very rare in a young actor along with relentless energy, perseverance and ambition. I see his growth both onstage and off. He’s mature in both places.”

Part of his growth, of course, will necessarily involve dealing with the rejections that are part of any actor’s life. His career is still too new, his string of successes solid, so it’s anyone’s guess how failure will shape him. But director Michael John Garcés, who picked him for When It’s Cocktail Time in Cuba after Isaac flew to New York at his own expense to compete with a pool of seasoned Manhattan actors for the role, believes his character will see him through.

“Oscar is realistic, but he’s so willing to go the whole nine yards,” Garcés says. “He didn’t go out when he was in the show here. His focus earned the respect of the other actors, some of whom have been working in New York for 30 years.

“He hasn’t had a lot of blows yet, when the career knocks the wind out of you. But he has talent, determination and focus, and if he has perseverance – my intuition is that he does have it – he could achieve a lot.”

FAMILY TIES

His father and namesake, Baptist Hospital intensive-care physician Oscar Isaac Hernandez, couldn’t be more proud. (Isaac doesn’t use the family surname in order to avoid, in his words, being “put in that Hispanic actor box.”)

“I’m ecstatic that he’s probably going to be going to the most prestigious drama school in the United States,” he says. “School will help him focus his energies and give him discipline. He’s got the raw material and the drive.”

Isaac’s mother, Maria, divorced from his father since 1992, is a kidney-transplant recipient who acknowledges that she’ll miss her son if he moves to New York. But, she adds, she wants him “to live out his dreams. He amazes me every day. He calls me every day. I’m very proud of him.”

Even the other guys in The Blinking Underdogs are fans of Isaac’s acting, though it could take him away from South Florida just as the band appears to be, Isaac says, on the brink of signing a recording deal (it has already put out its own CD, The Last Word, with songs, lead vocals and even cover photography by Isaac.

“Oscar’s the leader of the band, a great musician who amazes me and motivates us,” says sax player Keith Cooper. “I’ve been to see every one of his plays. He’s a phenomenal actor.

“I completely buy into his role in every play. As close as I am to him, I forget it’s Oscar.”

His South Florida theater colleagues credit that to Isaac’s insatiable desire to learn and grow.

Gail Garrisan, who is directing him in Donnie and One of the Great Ones for Winter Shorts, observes, “It’s not often that you find a young actor who is willing to listen and who doesn’t think he knows everything. He loves the work.

“He really brought the young man in Side Man to life. When I saw it in New York, it seemed to be the father’s play. When I saw it here, I felt it was his [Isaac’s] play.”

Oye Rep’s John Rodaz, whom Isaac calls “the best director I’ve ever worked with,” gave the actor his first important job in Sleepwalkers at Area Stage. They met when Isaac came to see Area’s production of Oleanna and the actor, knowing Rodaz ran the theater, introduced himself.

“He has so much energy and such a sparkling personality,” Rodaz says. “He knows how to move in the world. He seems to take advantage of every situation in a good way; he’s not a cold, calculating person who’ll stab you in the back.

“[But] he wants it so badly. Everything he does, he’s the leader. When I was 21, I was taking naps.”

Rodaz coached Isaac on his Juilliard monologues and found the experience energizing.

“I got chills just watching him. That happens so rarely. I was so exhilarated when I came home that I just had to go out and run. You just know he’s got all the tools.”

Christine Dolen is The Herald’s theater critic.

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