#also... self esteem issues are real and i understand

[watermelon-aegis]

just a lil rant before bedtime because i saw someone calling women magical and mysterious for flipping pancakes with their fingies...

...i get it, it's magical when people do cool stuff, but it's not the kind of magic you only get whispers of, the kind that is unattainable to those who aren't innately blessed with it. it's everyday magic. it's the kind of thing you find everywhere- wonderful, but extremely commonplace, and something that you can tap into as well.

flipping a hot item on a pan isn't mysterious, it's experience with cooking exposing and working your fingers again and again until they become resistant to the pain, it's practiced skill figuring out or imitating someone on how to hold that food item so the heat exposure is lessened, it's not women only, and not all women can do this.

just like how if you don't do your laundry and cook and sort out the trash from the recycling because you "never learned how" or the person you live with is "so much better at it", that's not a compliment, that's weaponized incompetence. and not only does it hurt the people you rely on to be "superheroes" when you burden them with these tasks you insist only they can do, you diminish the work and time and energy they've put into learning and practicing and doing, because they probably didn't know how to do all that from the start, so they stepped up and put in the effort and failed and tried and improved and learned. which you conveniently look past when you say they were made for this, that they are just innately better at this, you insinuate that they didn't need to put in all that work, you don't recognize the sacrifice they made as valid.

certainly not everyone can do everything. we don't have the energy for that, nor the time, and some of us have some disability or another that prevent us from doing even basic things in a conventional way or at all. in this case, it's fine to rely on others, and even fine to talk about you wouldn't/couldn't- but you can do this without diminishing the other person's effort. in a similar vein, you can acknowledge that someone has done something historic or unique without- again- telling them it's innate instead something they reached out to do.

(as a pendantic person, i need to say that this post is about things people do, not things people are. like, this does not apply to telling people they're taller than you. that's generally innate. disregarding environmental factors that could stunt growt- look, you get what i mean. also, you can probably tell michael phelps that his fish body or whatever gives him an edge up.)

sometimes things aren't worth doing- i was, and am, thoroughly uninterested in becoming a black belt. it's entirely possible that my health issues would make it misery or even impossible if i did try. but see- it'd still be kind of disingenuous for me to tell someone that "oh, you're just so miraculously strong and talented, i could never, i don't have the je ne sais quoi that you have". that particular wording- the assumption that it's an unknown force that trained them up to where they are- would diminish my ability to grow and their pride in their achievements in one fell swoop.

you could just say that "you're so strong and talented! you worked really hard on this, congratulations."

(though i guess if you're trying to get an sigma male to fawn over you, you can go the swoony "oh, wow, i could never do what you do! ur just so handsome and powerful and i'm just meeeeeeeee" but like. is that really what you want to do?)

[semperama]

Sorry, still thinking about this post and my tags on it, and if you think about it, Eddie has been acting like a sheepdog, guiding Buck into the most comfortable, close-enough-but-not-too-close spot in his life from pretty much the very beginning. They are established as partners early on, with them literally promising to have each other's backs, and then proving it when Buck starts helping with Chris in 2x04 and introduces Eddie to Carla. And pretty much starting then, you can see Eddie begin doing this dance. During the tsunami arc, Buck has started to pull away because of his injury, so Eddie drops Chris off with him. And afterward, Buck is blaming himself and prepared to pull away again, and Eddie knows this and shows up and hits him with a, "There's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you."

Then there's the infamous grocery store fight, the first time their partnership is really threatened, and Eddie lashes out and reminds Buck where his place is. ("Do you know how much Chris misses you?" and "I couldn't even call you to bail me out of jail.") Then Buck gets it, and we get the kitchen scene, but while we're all focused on the flirting (for good reason!) what's also happening is that Eddie is deflecting all the real questions. Buck pushes, "If you can't be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me," but Eddie just keeps cracking jokes, and they never really do get to the heart of the matter. Eddie's content that he has Buck back where he needs him; they don't have to actually talk about what happened or why in a real way.

But of course the most obvious time it happens is with the will. And the fact that Eddie puts Buck in his will a year before he tells him about it. He anchors Buck into his and Chris's life, but he only tells Buck when Buck has started to doubt his place during the shooting arc. It's actually an insane choice to put your best friend in your will without even having a conversation about it first, but Eddie can't face that conversation. Not until Buck is trying to place himself farther outside the "Buck Zone of Comfort" that Eddie has drawn in his mind, and then he has to just carefully nudge him riiiight back over the line. You're not expendable, not to me.

(Adding a cut, because this is getting long.)

The reason he's getting all snarly now is because leaving for Texas exposed this dance Eddie's been doing in a way that can't be ignored, because this is the first time Eddie himself has pushed Buck away, rather than some circumstance or NDE or Buck's own issues. If things were normal between them, Eddie could have involved Buck from the beginning, but he couldn't do that without deciding once and for all, is Buck just my friend, or is he more than that? Because if he's just a friend, then he can just help me move and be happy for me. But if he's more than that, then I don't think either of us can handle being apart, but I have no choice. But of course Eddie can't deal with thinking about any of that, so he just puts up a wall between himself and Buck by not talking to him about it at all until Buck finds out, and even then he keeps it minimal (ex: Buck tries to help him pick a house, but in the end Eddie picks one out and puts a down payment on it without consulting Buck at all).

I don't think either of them really gets what's behind it yet. Like, they know that it feels bad for Eddie to leave, but they don't fully understand why. Eddie won't let himself think about it, and Buck I think can't even conceive of the idea that Eddie might care about him that way, mostly because of his own trauma and lack of self-esteem. Eddie probably realizes they've reached a point where he can't position Buck back inside that Zone of Comfort, but I'm not sure if he knows that the only way to do it would be to put a label on what they are to each other, which he will NOT let himself do.

He does still try to do the push-and-pull thing again while he's in Texas with all the FaceTiming. He knows he's made Buck feel expendable again, so he tries to undo that by consulting him on all these big things he crucially did not consult him on before leaving: his job, Chris, his relationship with his parents. He feels more comfortable being emotionally close to Buck when there's all this physical distance between them.

But now, he's back, and Bobby's dead, and everything's more fragile than ever. Buck is closed off to him, so Eddie tries to remind him of his place again by bringing Chris back. But it only sort of works, because what now? They are living in the same house, but they both have this knowledge now of what it feels to be 800 miles apart, and what it feels to not share their grief with each other, and what it feels to not be a family, so they can't really just go back to how things were.

So Eddie does the exact wrong thing. He still plans to go back to El Paso. Even after it seemed like he came back--maybe even came back FOR BUCK--as soon as they're back to the fire station, he pulls out his phone and starts looking for flights. I don't know if we'll see this on screen, but I believe this is the moment that Buck gets it. Eddie has been trying to have it both ways, to keep Buck close but not too close. I doubt either of them really know what that means for how they feel about each other, but I do think Buck gets that he's going to be miserable unless he "lets Eddie go" in some capacity, which is why he starts looking for a new place to live.

I highly doubt Eddie is going to deal with this well, but for the first time, it's going to be basically impossible to fix this without acknowledging how he feels. Looking forward to finding out what it's going to take for him to do that!

[lilu787788]

I’ve been thinking a lot about why some younger viewers seem to express such intense hatred for Aleksander, and even for those who love or support him. It’s something I notice more and more often — this aggressive, almost moralistic rejection of morally grey characters like Aleksander. And I don’t think it’s just about disliking him. There’s something deeper going on in how fandom spaces function today.

A large part of it, I believe, comes from the way stories are consumed online now. Platforms like TikTok or Twitter encourage fast takes, simplified narratives, and black-and-white ideas of who is “good” and who is “bad.” People aren’t always interested in nuance anymore. It’s easier to reduce someone like the Darkling to a red flag or a toxic man than to sit with the discomfort of a character who does morally questionable things, but also loves, suffers, and fights for a better life for the Grisha and all of Ravka. Grey areas are not trending. Moral certainty is.

I’ve also noticed a dominant narrative — the girlboss versus let’s say villain storyline. Those young people want Alina, Zoya, Genya to “free themselves” from him, and in doing so, they erase what was truly complex, painful, and layered between them. The romanticization of strength often forgets that real strength can come from understanding, not just rejection. And sadly, if you dare say you understand Aleksander or believe he had genuine feelings for Alina, you’re suddenly accused of romanticizing abuse. There is no space for symbolic storytelling or fictional dynamics that aren’t meant to mirror real-life healthy relationships.

Another issue is the casual misuse of psychological terminology. Words like “manipulator,” “gaslighter,” and “grooming” are thrown around without understanding their meaning. These young fans just follow the crowd and, like a frenzied inquisition, throw accusations. Aleksander is a character shaped by centuries of trauma, loneliness, and war. But instead of examining that, some people just diagnose him in fifteen seconds on TikTok and declare him irredeemable. It’s lazy, dishonest, and more importantly, it shuts down real conversation. I also think some people need to feel like they’re on the “right side.” If they hate the Darkling, they can prove they’re morally superior. In my opinion, that points to low self-esteem. It makes liking him feel like a flaw, or worse, a crime. In some fandom spaces, it turns into a ridiculous purity contest.

And if your interpretation doesn’t fit the mainstream narrative, suddenly you become a bad person. It’s such a toxic dynamic, especially when fiction is meant to give us a space to explore difficult things.

Honestly, I think many misunderstandings around Aleksander come from people who’ve never had to think deeply about war, power, or survival. People don’t relate to the Darkling just because he’s charming or a tragic figure. A A lot of us understand him because we know what it means to live in a world shaped by conflict — to watch systems collapse, to see the innocent suffer while leaders look the other way. And even if not, basic human empathy and emotional maturity, combined with historical knowledge, allow us to see more and, most of all, to avoid jumping to judgment. We don’t behave like an angry mob with pitchforks ready to burn someone at the stake. On a side note, I’ve been thinking about doing a post that points out how some parts of the fandom — especially certain Crows, Zoya, Nikolai, Genya, and Malina fans — act a lot like the Drüskelle.

Aleksander is not a villain. He is someone forged in blood and fire, who made impossible choices in a world that gave him none. People who have studied or lived close to the realities of war know that moral clarity is a luxury. He also fought for people who were hunted, tortured, erased. He refused to stand by while Grisha were murdered, burned at the stake, dissected like lab animals, or sold into slavery. And even though his methods became brutal, his cause was never about selfish gain. It was about protecting people like him in a world that never would.

Loving the Darkling is about recognizing the complexity of someone who stood between oppression and survival. It’s about understanding that some stories aren’t clean, and some leaders don’t have the luxury of kindness. Aleksander’s tragedy is that he knew he had to become a monster to stop the world from killing his people. And whether you agree with him or not, that kind of narrative deserves respect, not shallow rejection.

Fiction should be a place where we can explore those hard truths. Not everything is meant to make us feel safe. Some characters exist to make us think, not just to give us flashy action scenes or quick thrills. Let people explore stories the way they need to. Let them love the characters who challenge them. You don’t have to agree. Sometimes it’s just fiction and sometimes it’s the way we try to understand our own shadows.

[nadvs]

the power play is one of the best fics I’ve ever read. Like seriously. I love the way you write dialogue and the dynamic between those two :)) for the blurbs, I was wondering if we could see more of how reader adjusts to their new relationship. though they’ve been doing the fake thing for a while now, do you think she gets hesitant about what to ask for in a relationship since this is her first one? like does she have a hard time telling rafe what she wants, whether that’s emotionally or physically? no pressure at all, but if you’d be interested in writing a little blurb that explores that dynamic, I’d be eternally grateful 🫶

thank you 🥹 writing their dialogue was my fav part!! omg you read my mind. this is why she needs sm reassurance once they start dating for real. it doesn’t go away on its own. and we know he has his own issues 😬 set in the power play au.

at the beginning of their relationship, they’re in a total honeymoon phase. arguments are rare and usually shallow and get resolved quickly, because they have a good understanding of one another.

but eventually, they start arguing more, and the fights get harder to resolve. she gets to a point where she’s so in love with him that it scares her, and she starts to think that she cares more about him than he does about her.

rafe gives her all the reassurance he can, but he starts to feel like he’s failing as a boyfriend if his girl is asking if he even likes her as often as she does.

and it’s a fear of his, not being enough. he starts getting defensive, leading her to spiral more. she worries she’s asking for too much, or maybe that she doesn’t even know how to ask for it in the right way.

on top of that, rafe has crazy bad insecurity. he gets horribly jealous at times. he knows how charming his girlfriend is and in his darkest times, he thinks she’s only with him because she could get along with anyone, and he was just there at the right time.

she doesn’t take his jealousy well. she tries to communicate to him that she needs him to trust her, but again, she doesn’t know what’s ‘normal’ and she second guesses herself a lot as they get more serious.

their differences are both good and bad, because they challenge each other, but they show love in opposite ways. he shows her he cares with actions, while she’s all about words, wanting to hear that she’s loved.

they have a lot to work though, but she eventually finds a balance of asking for reassurance from him, while also improving her own self-esteem so she doesn’t have to rely on him to make her feel worthy of love.

they both entered the relationship with very damaged hearts, and with time, they realize they can’t rely on the other to fix all the pain. they have work they have to do on themselves and sometimes, they need time apart to do that.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Sigh sometimes the MQ and FX hate, while yeah I’m not gonna tell you how to feel about a certain character is just so…biased?

Like listen. The whole gist of MXTX characters is that they are ALL flawed and do things realistic humans would do. It just pisses me off that the characters do things that make sense with their flaws and struggles but people always justify XLs pain and mistakes while absolutely hating on the rest.

And also: it’s been stated that FX looked for XL. Like literally in the first book of the novel I believe. And MQ OBVIOUSLY THINKS XL IS MAD AT HIM AND HATES HIM WHY WOULD HE GO LOOK FOR HIM WHEN HE THINKS THAT?!

Yes Mu Qing left XL when he was struggling, yes it was shitty but also: his literal MOTHER was sick, HE also lost his country, Xianle wasn’t traumatic only for XL (obviously he went through lots of shit different from MQ and FX) but he ALSO lost his home, he watched his people die, he was bullied relentlessly and literally BELIEVED XL and FX didn’t like him but he still STUCK with them even after he was yelled at by the entire world he wasn’t enough.

MNQ as much as I find him hilarious, clearly takes every moment he can to dismiss MQ and make him feel bad about himself ever since he was 15. 15. Do you know what hearing that type of shit every day of your life can make you think? He has self esteem issues while being prideful bc he’s a human being and all humans contradict themselves people!!! He left to help his mother, and with the 33 gods scene OMG YEAH obviously it was bad but once again let’s take a look at what happened alright?

ALSO ALSO I’d like to add he probably thought FX and XL wouldn’t struggle that much, bc FX and XL have been pretty successful their whole life, he probably thought they didn’t need him to survive bc he’s been told they’ve always been leagues above him.

Anyway:

1. MQ sees the officials fighting XL.

2. MQ, gets asked to fight XL while XL asks him to side with him. He has struggled his whole life to be recognized, he does and becomes a lower court official, and now he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. (Is that the saying? English isn’t my first language oop)

He wants to help XL he so obviously does, but once again- he has been like a dehydrated person his entire life and now he gets a chance to have water- only for him to be given the choice to give it up for his friend. Was it selfish? Yes. But did it make sense? Obviously. AGAIN he’s been STRUGGLING his whole life- and like XL said at one point, why isn’t he allowed to think for himself just once? Plus even after having the offers of being a lower court official he waits and helps XL and his family for a long time until he leaves.

3. When XL says MQ is his friend (which btw- MQ had no idea about bc again, he has the entire world tell him since he was a TEEN that he has no right to be XLs friend and that he isn’t, and being a TEENAGER WHO HAS BEEN BULLIED BY HIS PEERS AND TEACHER (who btw isn’t supposed to talk shit about their students bc teachers are there to teach and be patient and such) HE BELIEVES IT BC ALSO AS MUCH AS I LOVE XL LETS BE REAL HE HASN’T DONE A LOT TO HELP HIM HAS HE????

(Tumblr deleted this part I hate everything why)

It said, yes while XL defended him that one time with MNQ when he was blamed about the whole entrance to the festival thing and later on with the bullies WHICH BTW has clearly been happening for a real long time) MQ has been reprimanded by the state preceptor since he was 15. FIFTEEN PEOPLE. Do you know what hearing that his hard work will never be enough compared to others, yo be bullied endlessly like that will do to a person?

He’s been struggling his whole life to be recognized for his work- he’s like a starving man finally being able to have some food- why wouldn’t he want to keep it that way? After he’s worked SO hard for SO long why wouldn’t he try and keep his head above water after drowning all his life?

Like LOOK what this kid goes through

Also before you comment on the “he himself wasn’t very likeable” have you ever heard of self defense mechanisms? MQ has shown to be quiet and rule abiding whenever people of higher class (which btw is practically everyone) have interacted with him, however when people have bullied him (which btw he has also shown to take quietly???) he has only sometimes defended himself. He’s always on guard- and he reacts when he thinks someone is blaming him or using his status to be prejudiced towards him. Of course he’d grow up thinking everything was a little jab- that everyone was against him, because growing up thats what he saw.

He is immediately defensive bc it’s what he had to learn to do to survive.

And MQ follows the rules because he has been taught to survive from a young age.

And even after he ascends MNQ is SO shitty to him, only showing us a bit of what MQ had to go through EVERY DAY as a TEEN. XL never took his guoshi and was like “hey man can you please not bully this guy so much? Please don’t be so prejudiced towards him.”

He doesn’t. And again, thats bc XLs flaw at that time is he doesn’t know what others struggle with since he’s been successful and pampered his whole life, obviously he wouldn’t think about that at the time which is a flaw- just like MQ has flaws as well and acts accordingly.

AND AND it also says he’s been struggling in heaven as well.

And look at that. Much more difficult. Much more? That implies he had been having it hard enough before. Guys he was STRUGGLING OF COURSE HED TRY AND SAVE HIMSELF OH MY GOD

Anyway- he takes a step forward and clearly looks torn. We don’t know what he was going to do- but if he truly hated XL he could’ve easily beat him up. It’s until an asshole literally brings up, once again, something MQ has been bullied, self conscious about since he was a kid that MQ becomes mad- and it triggers him to side with the officials- but also give XL a small mercy. Was it wrong? Yes. Did he do it with malice? No.

MQ thought he was doing the right thing. MQ has always done what’s best for him to survive bc he was raised in a family where not only where they poor, but his father was a criminal. Obviously he had to learn young to think about himself. Obviously he was selfish at that point because he finally was able to show his worth.

ALSO HIS MOTHER PROBABLY DIED IN THE TIME-SKIP HE WAS PROBABLY GRIEVING TOO OH MY GOD

AND ALSO PEER PRESSURE? THAT WAS CLEARLY PEER PRESSURE AND MQ CAVED UNDER IT BC HES HAS ISSUES OH MY GOD.

Sorry anyway let’s keep going.

Afterwards yes. He lets XL get pushed, he sees him run away. But again, this is what MQ thought was helping. He thought he was doing the right thing. He thought he was helping in his own way.

Can we also add, maybe he didn’t want to fight XL? Maybe he didn’t want it to keep escalating bc if it did it would mean beating XL up?

Even after the others goad him, MQ never touches XL. He could’ve hit him, he could’ve beaten him up and unloaded years of prejudice from everyone (including XL accidentally being classist- he doesn’t do it on purpose of course but there have been moments when XL accidentally just never lets poor MQ ignore the divide between them)

(Let’s add crossing the line is such a good song for the two of them omg)

And while selfish he chose himself- he has been choosing XL all his life, hasn’t he? Hes stood by him- why isn’t he allowed think of himself once? Why can’t he want to be successful, to be happy for once to have himself be acknowledged?

Am I saying what he did was good? No. But it makes sense for him and I’m not going to demonize a person who has clearly been struggling with self worth issues, being bullied and told all his hard work meant nothing who chooses to think of himself for once.

And then even after that happens MQ CHASES AFTER HIM. Yes he doesn’t help him, but chasing after him? The officials probably saw that and given the assholes they were probably shit talked him about that later.

MQ didn’t have to go after him but he did. He did.

Late? Yes. But he still did it.

And even so he later also admits he did it so he could help them out- SO BEING AN OFFICIAL ALSO WASN’T A SELFISH ACT- he wanted to use it to help his friends as well

PLUS ITS EVEN SAID BY HIM HE ALSO DID IT TO HELP XL AND FX 😭

Anyway he helps XL up and then apologizes. MQ apologizes.

People say him justifying his actions by comparing it to XLs robbery is not the same and doesn’t compare but uh-

XL robbed someone because yes, he didn’t have a choice, and he didn’t do it because he liked it. It went against his beliefs and morals bc he had to survive.

MQ didn’t help XL bc he was also struggling in heaven with the officials, and he clearly wants to help XL and doesn’t like it, but does something that goes against his beliefs and morals because he had to survive.

And afterwards- he goes and does something that heavenly officials can’t do. He gives them gifts. Which FX states that is dangerous and they can’t do.

MQ does risk himself for XL- yes it’s late. But he risks his skin for XL. He clearly didn’t think things would be so bad for them- he clearly thought they’d be better off because again ITS WHAT HES BEEN TOLD HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

And then again- he apologizes.

He has had time to think- has had time to meditate away from everyone else. He has realized he was wrong. He realized he fucked up and goes to make up for it.

He made a mistake. He had no reason to do that, to give them food and then offer to give them medicine- but he still did.

And I am so sorry, but it seems hypocritical of everyone else to justify XLs actions because of his struggles, pain and grief- when while yeah, MQ didn’t go though the same he still suffered, he still went through his struggles and pain.

I love XL but how come HE can act according to his feelings and pain and afterwards be forgiven but MQ can’t?

XL made mistakes because the world drove him to it- because of what he went through and suffered.

MQ also made mistakes because the world drove him to it and he had suffered too.

Again, they’re not in the same scale- but the justification of the actions is the same.

They were both driven to something and the actions they took were based on what happened to them. Then they realize their mistake and make up for it.

Phew anyway sorry for the rant it’s just. It hurts me to see characters not being treated the same- to be hated because of their flaws when the MCs get to have everything justified and ignored.

MXTX again, shows characters can make mistakes and have flaws. Hua Cheng is forgiven for his. Xie Lian is forgiven for his.

Why can’t Mu Qing’s be as well? He certainly made up for it by almost dying and having a cursed shackle didn’t he?

He’s been thinking his whole life XL didn’t like him. He fully believes it. And he does actions that are selfish- yes but he didn’t do with the intention of hurting XL on purpose.

And then when he thinks XL is being kidnapped and stalked (which lets be clear he wasn’t but for MQ and FXs POV it is lmao) by someone who has also KILLED OFFICIALS, plus is known to be manipulative and kind of crazy, get close to XL he does his best to help him??!

Like we do think it’s wrong because we have the context of everything XL and HC went through together- but MQ and FX dont.

Guys, if your friend was hanging out with a criminal who has killed your co workers, appears as if they’ve been stalking them and then have a whole place set on idolizing them (which yes I know the cave of 10k gods is a religious practice and I have defended HC from people who say it’s creepy, I’m just giving the POV from MQ bc why would a ghost king worship a god? In universe it would be confusing and for them be creepy) wouldn’t you be worried too? Hello!!! From their POV this is a horror movie 😭😭😭

Anyway I’ll cut this rant here. I’ve been wanting to do a whole thing analyzing both MQ and FX and this doesn’t even come close to everything I want to say but I’ve tapped to much.

It’s fine to not like them. However don’t shit on other people and demonize them completely without understanding their story and why they were written that way.

If y’all wanna talk about this more my asks are open 😌💕

[brawltogethernow]

I would LOVE to hear your aro Hal thoughts if you don’t mind sharing?

[re:] (Sorry in advance there are absolutely no issue citations; I have saved so many pages in random places without labeling them.)

I don't know if I'd even call it having thoughts so much as having...an incomplete collection of Hal...saying things?

And having things said about him?

And he does this very familiar weasel jink when asked certain types of questions.

Like the general direction of authorial intent here is presumably that he's a ~playboy~ who ~can't be tied down~,

but we rarely see him...like...with anybody. He's an informed attribute playboy who's had a handful of onscreen flings that tend to be complete disasters with significantly less chemistry than a poorly measured baking soda volcano, and other than that there's Carol, who he's been failing to marry with high agitation for sixty-five years at this point. Like in cape comics it's standard for your obvious endgame A couple to take twenty or thirty years to get around to that, but sixty is excessive. Like even Alicia Masters and the Thing managed it faster and they kept getting put off because it stressed out too many Marvel writers to contemplate monsterfucking. (And other less comedic factors but this post isn't about that.)

And every time Hal tries to go steady with Carol he acts like he's dying, even though he clearly loves her and holds having her in his life in extremely high priority.

Like he is not enjoying a playboy lifestyle he doesn't want to give up. He has tried very hard to settle down several times, but he always panics and bolts at the last second like someone who's run out of the willpower¹ to keep holding onto an electrified rod--except when he's rescued by deus ex machina.

¹Ha.

And it's also pretty evident that he hates himself for this and doesn't understand why he can't pass this standard life milestone, or why he keeps hurting Carol, his favorite person, trying and failing to do what they think you're supposed to. He very blatantly views his romantic failures as something that let down other people and "improving" as a sacrifice he's supposed to make for them.

When his desires come into it it's primarily in the context of him gaslighting himself about how he totally wants the things he's supposed to that won't disappoint people, definitely definitely for real this time.

As seen above, romantic success for Hal is often conflated with retiring from being Green Lantern to inject cheap drama and insert a built-in inevitable failure, framing him as staying single because he's "married to the job". This barely ever made sense but was already downright comedic by the, I want to say late 70's?, where Carol was in on the secret identity and John and Katma were pulling off extremely successful GL/GL dating in the same book. At this point it's complete nonsense, so writers have been pulling harder on framing Hal as a disorganized man-child with commitment issues who's just sort of arbitrarily rendered undateable by being a committed superhero, something which, although it's a classic source of drama, has not hindered any of DC's other characters to this degree this consistently.

In conclusion: This aro man does not know what aromanticism is despite being one degree of separation from Connor Hawke, which is ruining his life and his ability to have any self esteem. Him and Carol desperately need someone to tell them what queerplatonic relationships are so they can stop doing these wretched I'm-not-touching-you kisses.

#EverybodyDislikedThat

Also he's been dressing up as the aromantic flag since 1959. Okay now I'm done.

[crystalsenergy]

Challenges

& learnings of your personal year

(Solar Return chart) ☀️ Asc ✨

The goals are to transform challenges and discover growth in your personal journey!

Based on my personal experience and that of others, I've noticed that the Ascendant in the Solar Return chart largely defines what we deal with during the year.

Indeed, the topics already known to be associated with the Ascendant for the year receive much emphasis from the sign in the Solar Return chart.

I have a post on the meanings of Ascendants in signs in the Solar Return chart.

The intention is not to foresee what will "inevitably" be touched upon, no, but rather to use the astrological moment to understand what will truly be brought to the surface within us.

Think of yourself as a vast cauldron with many colors.

Like a gradient, colorful cauldron… 🌈

And with each astrological movement, it's as if things from within us begin to bubble up from this cauldron - things we already knew about, or maybe didn't…

Being a deep cauldron full of ingredients, a mixture (just like we are!), among other reasons, perhaps you may not be fully aware or consciously remember all aspects of your personality that need healing, balancing, expanding, evolving.

Because of this, I believe in the importance of seeing astrological movements as catalysts to stir up everything that is already within us.

Nothing that astrological movements bring continuously and intensely was not with us to some extent, whether on a personal level or in the morphogenetic field*

(*= difficulties that our family members bring, which we may not necessarily have activated, but which can be brought to the surface because, to some extent, even if slight, it existed in our personality too).

Therefore, the extent to which these issues will arise and affect each person will be extremely personal.

Below are some possible challenges for each Ascendant:

In terms of TEMPERAMENT, behavioral tendencies, first IMPRESSIONS that you will convey.

Ascendant in Aries: agitation, more nervous temperament, greater impatience, difficulty asking for help, impression of being angrier, more serious, more impenetrable, tendencies towards reactivity and impulsivity, excessive focus on the physical body and appearance.

The importance of reconsidering what it means to be authentic and a person with presence. Do you worry too much about achieving a specific image? An image of being strong, of being impenetrable, for example.

Ascendant in Taurus: difficulty in leaving situations (due to attachment, lack of initiative, comfort zone), more stubborn behavior than usual. Slower to move forward, more tendency to approach the world purely materialistically.

May have a tendency to accumulate more unnecessary things. The importance of understanding the real value of the things you have in your life now and what you intend to do with what you have (possessions and values, also, value in terms of ethics, even morality).

Ascendant in Gemini: challenges with being present in the here and now. Mental inconsistency, difficulty focusing, more agitated temperament, greater possibility of being distracted, difficulty having just one goal.

A busy mind, filled with interests but lacking concentration. The importance of working on effective communication.

Ascendant in Cancer: may take everything personally, memories from the past that you are still emotionally attached to but that do not serve you well may resurface, difficulty moving towards new things, such as new relationships, new emotions.

The importance of looking at your emotions as signals of what still needs to be healed. It will be a year with many emotional things coming to the surface! Observe.

Ascendant in Leo: difficulty with stubbornness, excessive focus on appearance, on what people will see and think of you. Slightly inflated and distorted self-awareness. Pride. Defense mechanisms. Reactivity.

Issues with self-esteem needing to be looked at with more care and healthy self-awareness. Approach to the world less focused on ego.

Ascendant in Virgo: more tendency to deal with the world purely materialistically and utilitarianly. Review your concept of time, of usefulness (yours and others'). More connection with the material world, exaggeration in focusing on productivity, on completing tasks, on feeling useful. Issues with self-criticism and perfectionism.

Be mindful not to fall into jobs and tasks that do not contribute to your growth, that reinforce patterns of endless demand, without ever "really getting there". The importance of paying attention to how much time you allocate to other areas of your life, outside of tasks and work. Physical health care is also important, look into this area as well.

Ascendant in Libra: a tendency to be more predisposed to environments and people, which, in a more negative sense, may end up representing a predisposition to others' desires.

Positively, this has good meanings, but as the focus of this post is on aspects to pay more attention to, I mention: difficulty saying no; greater need for approval; whether you perceive it or not, changing a lot depending on the environment, Libran issues in imbalance that already existed in your personality coming more to the surface in terms of your relationship with yourself and your way of presenting yourself to the world.

Ascendant in Scorpio: challenges with deeper emotions, including those that have been stored away in your emotional field for some time, which will now be brought to the surface with great force, since Scorpio brings forth everything that was hidden in a very strong way, challenges with anger, hurt, fantasies of revenge, which can be quite self-destructive.

In general, challenges with emotionally deep situations. It is also important to pay attention to how much negative and self-destructive patterns are brought to the surface to be seen. Do not hold onto them. Let go, release everything that does not serve you and/or others well!

Ascendant in Sagittarius: challenges with sincerity, excessive humor in meaningless situations, approach to avoiding emotional issues or emotionally more complex issues, toxic positivity, impulsivity, impatience, invasive extroversion, setting aside planning in situations where it would be important, acting with a certain irresponsibility.

It is important to see which points of your personality will be brought to the surface and act in the most appropriate way to be more healthy!

Ascendant in Capricorn: challenges with emotional approaches and being more sensitive to yourself and to life itself. A heavier, more serious, overly responsible approach that leaves no time and space for rest, leisure, and lightness. Dealing with difficulties and problems in a more controlling manner. Competitiveness. Individualism.

Limiting beliefs coming more to the surface. Greater focus on traditional ideas, visions, and practices that no longer serve your own good. It is important to review your paradigms, limiting beliefs, including in relation to your professional life, and how your more serious approach to yourself only reflects an inner child to be rediscovered, released! The lighter we are, the happier we live. And the less serious we are.

Ascendant in Aquarius: challenges with looking at yourself and others more closely, including emotionally, focusing on rationalizing everything, avoiding understanding subtlety and nuances (moving away from your intuition and the more sensitive aspects of your personality), excessive impersonality, excessive detachment, mental inflexibility.

It is important to review how much your internal life is based on logic and how healthy this is for the feminine-masculine balance in your personality. We are one. We don't need halves to fill us, right? Your feminine side may also need to be more integrated.

Ascendant in Pisces: more tendency to connect with energies from the external, from the collective unconscious and conscious, but especially the former. Greater tendency to get lost in the roles of this collective unconscious and have difficulties in centering on your own essence.

The importance of reviewing and reconnecting with your sensitivity, where there are things from the past and from your unconscious to be reinterpreted, transmuted, and perhaps even a moment to balance your mediumship, if you believe in that.

[crooked-wasteland]

Founded another post that made me "uuuuh" cause, now they are saying Blitz and Stolas were "exploiting one another", and that, quote, "Plain and simple they both took advantage of each others vulnerabilities, but some shit Blitz did was purely to benefit himself while hurting or blatantly disrespecting Stolas as a person".

What are your toughs on this? Are they right? Idk why it doesnt completely convince me.

Perhaps this may be a bit of a journey, but walk with me as we understand the base argument and why it feels like it's a cop out.

When the show Friends can have a more conceptualized conversation about morality, we have issues. In an episode of Friends, Joey and Phoebe get into a bit of a fight where Phoebe insists that selfless actions are something we can partake in while Joey says that nothing is actually selfless at all.

(As an aside, this is such a hilariously well written scene and I hate Friends as a show. But the fact that the writers openly had Phoebe make her mother's suicide all about herself is comedy gold. And her sense of entitlement from strangers for her misfortune juxtaposed with her insisting that altruism is real all because she needs to make herself feel like a good person worthy of importance is great. One of the few times Friends has some actual smart writing.)

The point being, yes. There is no such thing as a purely good deed that isn't also done because we selfishly get something out of it. Offering food to someone who is hungry is only something you would do if you felt you could. If you needed that good as much as that person does, you wouldn't give them anything.

Or in the case of Phoebe, while it is a sacrifice to allow your body to be used for someone else to grow their family, you only do it because it in some way is desirable to you. Because of money or just for the attention and the social boost of other people admiring the "sacrifice" you have taken.

There is no true altruism. People do things for their own benefits. People protesting outside of Planned Parenthood do it because they feel like they will get recognition from their God or religious group. They don't actually care about other people's quality of life.

People who volunteer for nonprofits do it because they find satisfaction for themselves in the cause, or they do it to find a sense of community with like-minded people, or because they want to feel like they are better people than those who do not.

No one does anything they don't want to do. The whole point is to think about why they believe they want to do it. Everyone only does things because they have a genuine belief. The whole point is to try and understand people's actions from their own perspective.

So when we look at Blitz and him stealing the book and taking advantage of Stolas, it's pretty easy to see what could motivate Blitz.

I say COULD because the show itself doesn't really care to give the characters any actual depth or values or needs. So this is just evidence based on the show that could lend itself to deeper characterization if the show was more interested in telling a story.

But Blitz has extremely damaged self-esteem due to his father growing up and also the world building being designed around this hierarchy that Blitz was born into the bottom of. That has resulted in Blitz being born into a position of low social worth as well as his individual self-esteem being shredded by an abusive parent.

On that note, Cash Buckzo is a business owner in his own right with his circus. He works for himself and that is something uncommon in the world building as explicitly states in Harvest Moon. But it is in the field of entertainment. There is some evidence to show that the entertainment industry in Medrano's Hell is structurally identical to Earth, which requires understanding how entertainment has evolved in our society.

Travelling performers are often associated with persecuted minorities like the disabled and racial minorities throughout history. Circus owners have a bit of a reputation throughout history of being subpar human beings profiting off the labor and misfortune of others. From buying and selling literal children with disabilities and uncommon medical conditions to then prostituting out their stars to pocket the money for themselves. Historically speaking, circus owners are purely bottom feeders, and it appears that Cash Buckzo is based on that P. T. Barnum characterization.

So Cash is at the top of his game, while sucking out the life and talent of those he employs. Conversely Blitz is providing real opportunity and upward mobility in a way his father never did. Half of Blitz's whole personality is his business (or at least it was supposed to be) which is tied to his need to prove his father wrong. If he can also be a successful businessman, but more successful than Cash, Blitz believes that would fix his self-worth issues (hypothetically as this is only vaguely hinted at in the show and none of this is actually confirmed in any way. It's 1 part canon and 4 parts headcanon, this is just a generous translation of the mess that is the show to try and make these characters feel less like paper dolls and more like they have a story worth telling).

If it means having sex with someone he doesn't want to, Blitz can convince himself that it actually is something he'd want to do anyway. Because his need to prove himself as valuable is his motivation to tolerate the wealthy creep that is salivating all over him. In effect, yes Blitz would believe he wants to have sex with Stolas, but that is only because the alternative is not having a successful business and proving his father to have been right about him all along.

On another, deeper level, it could also be argued that Blitz loves his employees in a dysfunctional way because he doesn't have friends.

Look, this is kind of why I disagree with people that Ghostfuckers is even a decent episode because it's too contradictory. I'm supposed to believe that Blitz genuinely cares about Millie as a friend and sought her out for hire because he genuinely respects her. But at the same time he hasn't paid her or her husband in over a month, instead blowing their paychecks on owl dolls and horse printed plates because he's sad. The idea that Blitz and Millie are even remotely friends is laughable when you put in perspective how little Blitz respects her and Moxie.

I'm supposed to trust that she would know Blitz enough to be there for him and trust him during his demon possession, but he actively lies to her, never prioritizes her (unless it's to benefit himself), and blatantly disrespects her. It's almost like women in this show only exist to serve as tools to provide the male characters story and character opportunities and the writers' disinterest in them results in the male characters also being disinterested in them and so they also never get to benefit from said writing opportunities and they almost always come out as looking worse for it.

TL;DR: Blitz and Millie's relationship in canon is a joke and no one will ever convince me that these two characters are friends. Millie is just a tool by the writers to be or do whatever they need to try and pretend these characters have depth or humanity. Ghostfuckers may be the best episode of season 2, it is still completely incoherent and nonsensical.

Anyway, if the writers had actually done the whole found family/dysfunctional Boss storyline correctly, Blitz owes it to Moxie and Millie to also keep the book. So sleeping with Stolas is also an obligation for him on top of his narrative need to want the book.

So Blitz is coming at this from the perspective of doing whatever he has to do to get what he wants. That's not so much as taking advantage as much as it is seizing a perceived opportunity.

Meanwhile Stolas has been committed to a loveless and abusive marriage without ever considering leaving it until the opportunity presents itself in the form of an Imp with a much lower social class being apprehended in the act of committing a crime. And even then, instead of seeking to escape his abuse, he instead repeatedly cheats on his wife and subjects his daughter to repeated instances of violent arguments over his infidelity.

He believes he wants Blitz because....

Well, that's sort of the problem, isn't it? Because there is no real reason for Stolas to think he wants Blitz, in fact, the show makes it clear that he simply does want Blitz.

I asked fans a year or so ago why Stolas was in love with Blitz. As in what attracted Stolas to Blitz, and the overall consensus was that he enjoyed Blitz's sense of humor. Except the show outright contradicts that.

In the canon of the show, this is simply love at first sight for Stolas. Something that is not mutually shared, by the way. And Blitz explicitly states that he never once knew that Stolas had any feelings for him.

Unlike Blitz, Stolas has no reasoning other than to have ownership over Blitz. Not because of who Blitz is, but because he simply desires him, and did so since he was a child. As much as the writers think they made Stolas appear to see Blitz as an equal, all they have shown is that Stolas has always seen Blitz as something he can possess. Even as Blitz made it clear that he was not into it.

So while Blitz has reasons to participate in Stolas' game, Stolas as a character has always consistently removed any sense of agency from Blitz, as I pointed out in previous posts.

There is no mutual taking advantage of each other then. Stolas defined the relationship from the start based solely on his own vapid desire to claim Blitz as somehow his. Whereas Blitz allows himself to be used and taken advantage of because he believes it will get him what he wants.

And due to that, there is no reason for Blitz to have respect for Stolas. Stolas doesn't deserve respect as he doesn't give any to Blitz. And while many would say Blitz also doesn't deserve respect because he gives none to Stolas, that is true. But when most people assess that world building and how Blitz is the underdog in the dynamic fighting for his right to be respected in an unfair world, he was born into a role that no one respects. Meanwhile Stolas was born into literal nobility and reverence (as seen by how people treat Stolas in season 1, like him not needing a reservation into Ozzie's while Moxie had to plan a year in advance for his date with Millie).

Frankly speaking, Stolas was born into respect and lost it among his peers through his own mediocrity. And Blitz's lack of respect is based on systemic oppression, not even because of who Stolas is as a person. Blitz doesn't owe Stolas anything as the weaker individual in the dynamic. Blitz is literally punching up when he insults Stolas, which most sane human beings would recognize as not reflecting poorly on Blitz, but on society. All while he asserts agency by warping his own psyche to think this relationship with Stolas is one he actually wants because it fills his wants while distorting Blitz's needs.

Meanwhile Stolas can just say he wants something and can get it, as seen by the fact that the only reason Blitz is even a part of his life is because he said he wanted him and his father literally bought Blitz for Stolas' enjoyment. Stolas is as much if not more of a thief than Blitz by the fact that he steals Blitz's humanity through Stolas' status alone.

By the way, Blitz being terrible to Moxie and Millie does not magically mean he deserves what Stolas does to him. Stolas and his dehumanization of Blitz in no way plays into Blitz's own dysfunction as a person and how he lacks respect for his employees. It doesn't push Blitz to respect his subordinates more, nor do they ever actually work out their issues. Instead Millie is just there to validate the direction the writers are forcing the narrative to go.

TL;Dr: What wrongdoings Blitz commits to M&M will never justify what Stolas does to him.

[is-today-tomorrow-in-nz]

YA authors and their failing protagonists:

YA authors more often than not butcher their female characters. These characters often range from utter passiveness to ultimate girlbosses or remain tragic victims. Even male characters are not spared from this idiocy but they suffer much less indignity than the female characters. Very rarely we see a well-written and balanced female protagonists in YA novels. In an attempt to make these characters 'relatable' the authors do them a massive disservice, especially in fantasy and chosen one tropes. YA authors create these massive, dystopian societies and then unleash a bunch of teenagers to handle its problems and then coddle them from their own consequences. And in recent times, I'm finding many readers, especially on the younger side, echoing the same idealogies which is truly disheartening.

A YA fantasy novel is not about the person undergoing the hero's journey it's about the cause they're representing. And while fulfilling the cause they also overcome their personal struggles and grow but ultimately the story is about the cause. A passive or undecisive female character can be relatable in a romcom or a high school world but not in a war-torn, genocidal universe. If these audiences find the passivity and ignorance of a character in dystopian worlds 'relatable' then I'm truly worried about the morals they uphold in their real lives.

Unable to raise to the occasion is not an adorable quality. Katniss, Primrose, Hermoine, Harry, Percy were all teenagers too but what makes them memorable and relatable even after 20+ years is their strong moral code, bravery and fierce need to do the right thing to protect the innocent. Their journey was filled with losses and sacrifices which ultimately made them kinder and they taught me, as a reader, to be braver when faced with an adversity. Which is why I'm hating this current trend of passive heroines and girlbosses and their 'relatable' audience.

The Grishaverse is ripe with such characters.

Alina:

Alina is a protagonist who is about as useful as a fur coat in summer heat. She is stagnant and has nothing going on in her life beside Mal. She has no morality in her and possess zero ability to think. She is at best a doormat and at worst a bulldozer wrecking havoc without a forethought. She is the only protagonist who starts her journey and ends it the same way without an ounce of personal growth. She starts as an orphan with no self esteem and ends up as a nobody with no self esteem. She has no higher purpose in her own story and for all the no nuance Nellys calling it being 'relatable', this is not Highschool Musical, it's a political fantasy with the Chosen One trope. Her biggest gripes in the whole series are- being away from Mal, not being attractive enough for Mal and not being able to be with Mal. The other characters around her literally has to push her from plot A to plot B.

While being a reluctant protagonist makes sense at the beginning she doesn't do anything to improve her situation beyond that. She is entitled, extremely judgemental, has no empathy for others(remember how she blamed Genya for her situation in book 1), doesn't connect with people and any minor improvements she undergoes in immediately undone. She had the whole library of books to educate herself, people to take help from and train herself better. And yet chapter after chapter after chapter she undoes any progress she makes. Not to mention how much of an unreliable narrator she is throught the whole series. I was beyond exhausted being stuck inside her head for 3 whole books.

Zoya:

To all the people people hailing Zoya as their queen, I ask of you to genderswap Zoya then you'll understand the issues with her character. She represents every toxic masculine trait that we hate seeing in typical male characters. Her 'tragic' back story( and ulltimate powerup) was a rip off from Danny from GoT which was only added to 'justify' Zoya's bullying nature because it's okay if an abused person abuses in return. The backstory did nothing to her character other than act as a point of appeal to the readers to ignore her toxic traits because she was hurt.

Genya:

Genya was the only female character I loved in the series besides Inej. Without glorifying her abuse, Genya had the potential to be Natasha Romanoff but LB tragically restricts her progress to be a tragic victim instead. She was brave, fierce, possesed the right amount of cunning and kindness. She had all the traits of a protagonist but LB ruins her character like no other. I've explained this before in several posts. She was reduced to a shock factor- scars, David's death etc. In LB's own words, Ravka is a war torn country with drafts starting at age 15. Grisha has to join frontlines or serve in wealthy households. So, Genya would have been sent to a household either way. It was trolley problem situation and Aleksander took a gamble. For those screaming that Aleksander did nothing, I suggest you read 'The Tailor' by LB. Anyway, LB had such a impactful character and utilized her so poorly in the name of 'relatability'.

I don't want to make an already long post longer. Many YA authors need to take a step back before building worlds with massive adult issues. If their focus is on being relatable to young readers then I suggest them to not use heavy topics like genocide, war and abuse. If they cannot handle such adult topics with the sensitivity and respect it deserves then they're better off not writing it. I'm strongly against using such topics as shock factor and making a fool of the readers ( looking at you dragon zoya climax and everybody clapped moment 🤢🤢🤢). For readers, who are unable to comprehend the authors true motives maybe heavy YA fantasy tropes are not for you.

[llamagoddessofficial]

this is probably already been asked before, but how would the boys be in a long distance relationship?

I don't think I've ever actually done this one before!

Sans: He'd be really good at an LDR. This is the meme king himself, after all. The fact that he can just teleport to come see you aside, he doesn't desperately need physical affection like the others. He's definitely cuddly with those he loves, and he would miss you a lot, but he's also alright with having his own space. You guys can just be bored together on calls. He's absolutely hilarious over text, the kind of guy you would start messaging only to look up at the clock and realise you've been talking to him for four hours straight.

He likes texting, and he's always laughing at your messages, but video calling is his favourite. He wants to see your face, even if you're both doing absolutely nothing.

Red: An LDR would be really good for him.

Red has a habit of using physical intimacy like a shield. He avoids addressing his real feelings, he covers up uncomfortable moments with touching or flirting. In an LDR, he has to acknowledge his feelings... both to you, and himself, or things just won't work. Texting gives him time to relax and gather his thoughts, plan his responses, navigate complicated feelings before speaking. Talking over the phone means he can hide his face and get little more confident at being affectionate in a romantic way. He gets better at putting things into words, and by the time the two of you do see each other in person, he's already overcome a lot of the emotional hurdles he otherwise would've stumbled at.

At the start of the LDR he'll prefer texting, since chatting to you can make his voice crack. But as time goes on he defaults to calling.

Skull: Surprisingly, he could manage! It varies wildly, though, depending on whether or not he's met you in person before.

If he's met you in person before the relationship becomes long distance, his biggest struggle is missing you being around. He isn't great at teleporting and it frustrates him that he can't go see you. He texts you almost constantly throughout the day, about random stupid stuff. Sometimes single word messages; 'snail?' with an attached picture of a snail he found in his garden.

If he hasn't met you in person, he has a lot of self esteem issues and self doubt. He feels like he's fooled you into being in a relationship with a thing like him. What if one day you meet in person? He's so much more intimidating in person. Will you really want to stay with him once you see how off-putting his mannerisms can be? Once you understand how broken and clingy he is? (Please let him know ASAP that big scary guys are your type)

He prefers to text. Calling is hard, hearing your voice makes him feel so much better, but he struggles so much with speech and he doesn't want you to feel pressured to do all the talking. Video calling makes him far too emotional, it's just not the same.

[narrators-journal]

Senku with an insecure artist!Reader

So, I was going to do a scenario for this, but I kinda can’t. I can’t think of much for this prompt in general, idk if it’s because I’ve done something so similar before, or if it’s just something about an artist that throws me off, but it’s been a struggle. So, have some headcanons instead of a scenario this time. Hope you enjoy~

Senku’s a very determined man. He’s very smart and very logical. So, I’m sorty to say, but an artist isn’t getting revived until after the war with Tsukasa.

Admittedly, on Senku’s side of things, the insecurity isn’t considered. He respects art, he’s not a snob about science over creativity, so he wouldn’t pick up quickly on if someone was nervous

about their worth compared to him.

This is not a new thing, whether it’s someone from the modern day or the stone age, Senku wouldn’t catch shit lmao. The boy could have a crush on a person and entirely miss if they felt they couldn’t match up.

He wouldn’t miss your contributions though! He’s a scientist, he knows damned well he’s not someone who can mix pigments or make an appealing and clear design.

To him, there’s probably just a clear distinction in skills and thus no need to feel bad.

Yes, this is something he probably shared in school. He’d probably know from Taiju and his relationship that people have different strengths, even in learning environments.

If anything, he’d love that you have a completely different set of skills for him to exploit learn from!

That being said, when he is made aware, he’d try his best to help.

He’d try to comfort and hype the artist up, pointing out stuff like how his artistic skill isn’t that good, color to him is just color, he doesn’t understand things like ocular occlusion, bounce light, stuff like that.

Sadly, though, Senku doesn’t really have a good idea on how to curb insecurity. He’s never had a real issue with his self-esteem but he knows that it’s a delicate thing, so what is he supposed to say?

Ngl, he’d put Gen to work on trying to talk to you.

It doesn’t matter if you’re his girlfriend, either. Senku’s too blunt and deranged and he knows it. So, Gen’s the go-between.

Once he has a good grip on what he can do, if anything, Senku will try in his own special way to fix the issue.

Senku would also try to teach you about science stuff so you can feel less left in the dust.

If push comes to shove, hey! At least you have Gen and the villagers to commiserate with!

[thehigherseekerastro]

→ Venus Through the Houses🪷 (the first house)

The manifestations of having the planet Venus through the houses in the natal chart, in a wider perspective, without being predictable about it.

DISCLAIMER 1: I am NOT a professional astrologer, traditional or modern. I study astrology for a few years, and this is a collection of what I've learned, and what I've seen manifested in real life.

DISCLAIMER 2: Use caution and discernment when reading, and understand that this post is about one isolated planet in one isolated house in a chart. There are 12 houses, 6 major planets, 3 outer planets, and at least 5 possible major aspects between planets in your chart. Those detail can and WILL affect how the energy shows up in your life personally, so it might not apply to you. Everybody is unique.

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Venus in the 1st house 🥰🪞

Out of all the stereotypical descriptions of Venus placements in astrology, Venus in the 1H is the one that is most often true in real life just as it is described. This places Venus at the forefront of your impact on the world around you. It makes your Venus be one of the things people notice the most about you when they deal with you (the sign its in will tell what idea they have of you). And yes, having Venus here is usually an indication of social grace and charm. If it conjuncts your rising, I would go as far as saying it's a beauty indicator. If your Venus is also in a Venusian degree (2°, 14° & 26° - Taurus degrees/7° & 19° - Libra degrees) while it sits in your 1st house, it's probably an indication of beauty too.

The good 😊:

You have social grace and charm, a skill you learned from a young age, after frequently having positive social responses from people you meet.

You are seen by others as pleasant, charming, comforting and delicate.

It tends to give you a good sense of humor about life (doesn't mean you are a funny person).

You could be lucky in your day-to-day life, since Venus rules abundance and it sits in your house of self.

Could have "pretty privilege", in which people are more inclined to give you things or do things for you without much effort to convince them.

It gives you an overall good sense of style, be it clothing, hair, makeup.

You have a more diplomatic approach when going about your ambitions, as opposed to people who just bulldoze over others to get what they want. You know how to ask instead of demand.

If it's well-aspected, your overall demeanor tends to be respectful, sophisticated and sweet.

You could very well be regarded by others as a beautiful person, even frequently fitting societal beauty standards. And even if you are not "conventionally pretty", you are still considered ATTRACTIVE and desirable.

You show your passion (for things, for ideas, and for people) very obviously and openly (unless Venus is in a secretive sign, like Scorpio or Capricorn).

A sweet-talker 🤭. Also, quite naughty and sensual. Not promiscuous or overtly sexual, but flirty and seductive.

The bad 😠:

You could have mad vain and superficial tendencies.

You could be quite self-centered and egotistical.

You could be manipulative, since you learned from a young age how to finesse people into giving you and doing things for you.

Could have passive-agressive arrogance, in which you're not clear about it, as you don't want to ruin your public image, but you're subtly casting people as beneath you, specially regarding their appearance and behavior.

Could indicate unwanted weight gain, specially after the age of 26 (a Venus year), when your metabolism starts to slow down. Also, after you get pregnant, if you have an uterus. Doesn't mean obesity, nor does it mean that someone is ugly if they are heavier-set. It just means YOU might not want that extra weight on you, but have trouble keeping it off, which will make you uncomfortable.

Could indicate self-esteem and self-criticism issues. You might hold yourself to strict and oppressive beauty and behavior standards, might frequently compare yourself with others, be displeased with your own body if it doesn't look exactly the way you want.

Might indicate a possible lack of ambition or drive, as you are most likely used to getting things without much trouble, which in turn makes you not develop that "go-getter" mindset towards your passions and ambitions.

Could struggle hard with aging, and could develop melancholic thoughts such as "I used to be so pretty? What happened to me?!", or "Things used to be so easy! Everything is terrible now!", which makes you bitter about your own life when things don't go your way or you have to work too hard to make something happen.

In love 💕:

You show your love openly (if the sign of your Venus allows it), and you want people who profess their attraction to you openly as well.

You love people who are similar to you, share your vibe and likes, and make you look good, as well as people who help you get what you want.

You don't like people who look like you or copy you, but you DO like it when you inspire others. Also, you DO love to gradually make your lover/significant other/partner look like you and fit your aesthetic.

Surprisingly, people with Venus in the 1H don't necessarily need their lover to be beautiful. But they don't want their love not to fit their personal standards, though.

You LOVE compliments from your person. It boosts your confidence and makes you feel appreciated and validated.

Slight tendency to want to manipulate the relationship so the power shifts towards your needs.

A tendency to want partners to approach YOU first, which could lead to being passive and lazy in love.

You could meet your partners anywhere, honestly. 1H Venuses attract love easily.

Most likely places to meet people romantically would be parties, events and through your social circle, but you could make it happen anywhere you want, to be honest.

THIS ONE IS A BIG MAYBE – read this very carefully, as it's one of MANY possibilities. MIGHT indicate a higher likelihood of cheating on at least one of your partners. You are flirty and you like to feel IN love and desired, which could make you seek that attention from multiple sources.

MASTER LIST

[martinblackwoodhater]

Why U hate Mahtin? Just curious, BC everyone has their own things they like & dislike 👍

(Also live Jon reaction BC why not)

been a while since ive answered one of these so i guess we could do a little refresher ok 😸😸

my most justified reason is the instances where he physically hits john ((mainly 172 because that's the one i remember best)) - it just felt unnecessary in the writing and seemed to me like a really weird response from a character that's supposedly in a mostly healthy relationship?

He in no way NEEDS to hit john, as im pretty sure that just shaking him gently or even just like snapping his fingers over his face or something less abusive could've quite easily worked, or could've at least been explored or tested as a possibility, especially as they genuinely were not in a high-stress scenario in this moment, and there were no real time constraints,

he literally just went "sorry😬 you were starting another [statement] and i didn't want to wait", which i don't really take to be a genuine apology with the casual annoyed tone he said it in if you listen to the episode ((feel free to to form your own opinion tho i just feel like my interpretations pretty valid here)) - he said it like he'd already assumed he was completely justified, and more just adding the little "sorry! 😜" just to be a little more polite, rather than because he's genuinely apologetic for unnecessarily hitting his boyfriend.

And, while i don't like to speculate or make points based on things that don't have true canon evidence, the way it's just brushed over does make it seem like this is a semi regular occurrence?

like john doesn't seem at all surprised or disturbed in the way that i believe he should be if this was something completely out of character for the relationship. he just gives his soft little "wh-what...?" as he's clearly so easily startled out of the statement that it just didn't seem needed for martin to do that at all? and obviously i understand this (his resigned, unreacting reaction) could also be a result of his own like human identity issues and the whole thing that's happening in the apocalypse ((and i am in no way saying he's the perfect boyfriend/person either!!)) i just feel like it wouldn't be completely out of left field to make the connection that this is far from the first time martin has resorted to hitting him, mainly due to the completely unnecessary nature of the event shown and the fact it is largely unaddressed.

((That is, however, largely speculation based so I'd understand if you don't want to take that point onboard, and i feel like the isolated incidents we do hear are enough to support my point there anyway to be fair.))

(TL/DR: He hits john in a situation that i don't feel explains or excuses his actions. His reaction too, unapologetic as it is, doesn't redeem him for me)

i also, even before i had reason to truly justify it, I also just really disliked his character for more petty reasons.

He has that trope i really dislike where they're clear kinnie bait (self esteem issues, poor/complicated relationship with mother, queer, etc) and therefore what could be genuine flaws and portrayed as so, it also makes it clear in the writing that his flaws are like somewhat delusional so that people who relate to him can have that like comfort by proxy.

This again as a point is largely petty and speculative and just my personal reason why i started disliking him if you were curious, rather than a reason i expect you to agree with.

I also just don't like how weirdly hypocritical and conflicting his character was in s5, and this isn't me misinterpreting the writing, because obviously i appreciate when a character is deliberately misleading or wrong in their opinion or whatever and it fits their character, but with martin it just kinda doesn't feel like that? he regresses back to such a childish view of the world (monsters bad!! avatars evil!!!!), rather than doing any reflection on his avatar boyfriend, and it doesn't even feel narratively interesting for me personally like it just makes me kinda frustrated that there's no real conversation about this or resolution to be found there.

(There's the whole conversation about "martin manipulated the fandom wowowow🥺🥺" but i just feel like that isn't really true, rather we got a weird abrupt character change where there wasn't THAT much of a character to begin with before and this also is me going on a bit of a tangent without truly thinking this idea through so I'll leave it here but feel free to discard the idea rn)

also i related to him when i was about 12/13 (when i was a real loser) but then i grew up and so early martin reminds me of me when i was about 12 and at my worst but also like he didn't even have any of the redeeming qualities i had back then and also now ((good at everything, good at art, intelligent, hilarious and funny, nice to be around, humble, transsexual, not blonde, not even ugly, ragebaiter online - just in case you wanted a few examples)) and instead he's just kinda annoying and whiny? and s5 is, as we've already discussed, what i somewhat am i beginning to consider abusive the more i talk about it. also he's in london and i lowkey hate londoners they ruined south england now everyone thinks im posh

anyway i got off track but if you want any more evidence for any of my points i can try find it and if you want any elaboration you just need to ask!!

[byemambo]

Jimmy Karn - The Realities of Mental Health: A Deep Dive

Poppy has done it again with featuring Jimmy as a guest on his most recent podcast episode. As someone who relates to Jimmy's story while knowing him since the WHY R U? days, I was touched by his courage and honesty in sharing his experience with his depression. I firmly believe that more conversations regarding mental health awareness, especially in the entertainment industry, should be more commonplace and open more doors to other nuanced realities that humans, no matter their status, deal with on a daily basis.

"I can't remember everything back then, [can you] believe that?"

I most certainly can because I've been there, done that, but unfortunately, I still deal with memory issues from my own mental health illnesses (general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, the whole shabang). When your mind is trapped in a cycle of fear, worry, dread, and other feelings of worthlessness and hypercritical behaviors, that also contributes to poorer quality of living in general: neglected hygiene, irregular food intake, quality of sleep (if any), little to no social interaction, low self esteem, and many more. With the demands of the entertainment industry with maximizing profit margins, quick turnarounds for projects, strenuous work days, and other experiences that can heighten the symptoms of depression, as a fellow artist/creative, making mistakes or being unable to perform well becomes damaging to one's psyche. Our art is our world, our art is our response, our art is our life.

I think most artists/creatives deal with many stress points from literally the moment we're born in this pro capitalist society that frowns upon artistic freedoms and expression:

How are you going to make a living? You think you're hot shit? Quit acting like you'll be something and go get a real job. Are you sure this is what you want to do? How are you doing to feed your family one day? This is an unstable job, you'll never make it.

In a world where our art is stolen, trampled on, questioned, undervalued, and completely ripped out of our bare hands, the doubt and nagging nurtures an individual with crippling low self esteem and confidence, an individual who believes that they must prove themselves to a world that refuses to love them unconditionally, an individual who has been thrown around to a point where they'd rather chooses death over life. As graphic and harsh as it may sound, that is a very real experience that unfortunately, has statistics and brave souls alive to tell their tales.

I didn't understand the world and life...I only thought about why I had to put up with that. I didn't talk, I just kept quiet...I always thought it over in my head, but didn't speak out.

When your internal thoughts become intrusive to a point of seeping into every aspect of your life, eventually, it becomes a new sense of "reality." Days turn into weeks turn into months where your passions and love slowly fade into the abyss, where darkness becomes your closest companion, where everything feels like nothing at all. With depression specifically, you literally stop being able to experience the world around you, internally and externally. There's such a discrepancy in regulating your daily living that you just simply, aren't able to try.

Jimmy briefly mentioned how before his depression, he could memorize his scripts with little effort, but the expectations of perfection and concentration diminished his trust within himself.

The more mistakes I made, the more my confidence got ruined. I actually thought about leaving the business. It was so bad that I didn't want to live anymore.

When my depression and anxiety used to be really bad, despite learning how to draw and paint ever since I was a little kid with 20+ years of experience (give or take haha), all you know is what you're capable of and your best performances. The moments where you were praised, the moments where you were trusted with being the correct choice, the moments where you were showered with adoration and excellence: what happens when that person is incapable of creating the same results due to circumstances beyond their own awareness and knowledge? The appraisal and applause turn into resentment and criticism, and if you have very little understanding about your own mental well being in that moment, your emotions cling onto those self identifying value systems of failure and poor performance. You lose your ability to validate your own reality rooted in a deeper issue that no one else can see by yourself.

Those with unstable minds will have lots of doubts and questions. Mostly I had questions, questions that you can't answer. No idea how to fix [them]. [You become] so lost that you don't know how to continue living, knowing only sadness and frustration. Why bother living, just end it there, right? It's like you lose an arm and leg in an accident, it was that bad. The wound doesn't show though. They see you as whole. You never know [what's] inside their mind. How broken they are. That was me and I could represent many that might be watching and are in my shoes.

For many of us, mental health overtakes every aspect of our lives to a point where ending it all is the only solution to put us out of our miseries. I've been there, and alongside going to therapy and actively challenging the core beliefs I held for myself to survive the circumstances of my childhood, I completely agree with Jimmy's statement here:

Don't find excuses, rise up and fight. You want happiness? Grab it now.

From my own experience: I had to relearn patience towards myself, showing grace towards myself, showing compassion towards myself, and that meant dismantling all that I knew and implementing deliberate choices that will lead me down a path of self love, self care, self advocacy, self control, self worthiness. I had to learn that the challenges posed in my life from my mental health disorders were simply a "feature of my illness," rather than allowing self deprecation and abuse remain in control of my discipline. Actively choosing love and positive reinforcement over hatred and punishment. Understanding that self improvement and personal growth is meant to be challenging and hard, not some walk in the park or solved with a flip of a switch. Being realistic about how growth isn't always exponential and directly in front of your face but that slow and steady wins the race. Learning that the point is resilience, not to find a singular solution to a singular problem only for those problems to occur in our lives over and over and over again in multiple iterations and phases. That every moment has its place to teach lessons that'll prepare me for a lifetime of happiness and joy, only if I choose to open my eyes and receive its message with confidence and trust in my capabilities.

I still have depressing moments. So don't say "just keep fighting." It happened to me and I wonder if they knew how hard I had already fought.

Some of the most "positive" and kindest souls you cross paths with, whether in your personal life or as strangers, have their skeletons in their closets, have their own doubts and fears, have won their own battles, and most certainly, have their own victories and pockets of happiness that they have no hesitation in sharing their stories and encouraging words if that means helping others win their own battles. I've shared this sentiment with friends before: it's one thing to choose death and ending it all, it's a completely different ball game to choose life and continuing to live on.

And finally for the part I felt that's most important to express and what had inspired this post: choose kindness, choose compassion, choose intention, choose deliberation, choose mindfulness, choose consideration. I'm so happy and grateful that Jimmy shared his story with us, I feel so much pride relating to his strength and his confidence in his experiences, knowing that he understands the significance of his presence in this life. I feel very strongly about people who come into online spaces and harass others or share damning words and sentiments towards one anther while refusing to acknowledge what could be happening in someone else's personal life outside of our knowledge.

It takes nothing to be courteous and to share kind words to one another, and to contribute to a space filled with negativity and undeserved hatred and entitlement over someone's autonomy and mere existence is not only pathetic to me, but makes me pity those who believe they can express those feelings without consequence. Love and adoration is so infectious and needed now more than ever, so why not be a part of that? If not in the spaces and communities you currently reside in, why not somewhere else where you can be authentic about your love and admiration without needing to put others down? Why stick around in a place where you sour the air and drive others away with your reckless behavior and attitudes? Why choose to beat down when you're very capable of uplifting others? Why wake up every single day entering the world fists first? What are you fighting against? What are you protecting yourself from? Where are you failing to show up for yourself that you believe in harming others and in turn, harming yourself? That is the question.

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 9, Unselfish - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of past trauma, Pocket's self esteem issues.

Word Count: 1.8k

Previously On...: Jade's really doing her best in insert herself into Bucky's life. After forgetting all about you when he walked off with her at Central Park, you and Bucky have a talk, and he seems to see where you're coming from. Hopefully, you've reached an understanding.

A/N: FINALLY! Some quality Pepper Potts. I weirdly love writing her, for some reason, and she played a larger part in my original draft of this story, so I am so happy to finally give her some time to shine. To everyone getting hit by the Nor'Easter this weekend, I feel you. Currently snowed in and freezing. It's supposed to be Spring, damnit!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff

The next day, you called upon the one person you knew had been in your shoes and you hoped could help you make sense of your emotions. You knocked on the door of Pepper’s office, letting yourself in when she called out an invitation to enter.

“Pocket!” She put down the file she was perusing and stood up, walking around her desk to embrace you. “To what do I owe the pleasure, honey?”

“Hey, Pep,” you said, returning her hug with all the affection you felt for her. “Do you have a minute? I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

“For you?” she asked, motioning for you to sit in one of the armchairs that sat near the windows. “Always.” She called for her assistant to bring you both a pot of tea and you made idle small talk while you waited for it to arrive.

“So,” she said once her assistant brought the tea and poured you both a cup, then  departed with orders to hold all Pepper’s calls, “to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? Is it business or personal?”

“Personal,” you told her, taking a sip of the Earl Grey.

“Did something happen with you and Bucky?” she asked, concern lacing her voice. “Did he do something?”

“No,” you laughed, though there was no real humor in it. “God, no. Bucky’s been perfect. I’m worried that I’m the problem.” You put your cup down and looked at her. “Pep, when you and Tony first got together, how did you handle it?”

Pepper leaned back in her chair. “You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific, honey. Tony’s given me a lot to handle over the years.”

You snickered at that. “Yeah, fair enough,” you said. “I guess I’m not really sure how to word this. We both know that, before you, Tony was a… well…”

“A giant slut?” Pepper offered.

“I was going to say something like ‘amorously adventurous’, but yeah, ‘giant slut’ also works,” you said with a laugh. “Even after you two became an official couple, women were still throwing themselves at him. How… how did you deal with it? Sometimes I just get so angry, so jealous, I want to scream. I hate feeling like this.”

Pepper reached across the coffee table and took your hand in hers. “Oh, honey,” she said, her voice conveying her sympathy. “I’m going to tell you something that took me a lot of time and pain to learn: You can’t control what other people are going to do. I won’t lie to you, it wasn’t easy for me. Every woman who made a pass at Tony, I kept thinking ‘she’s prettier, she’s smarter, she’s younger; why would he choose me when he could have any or all of them?’"

“But,” you began, “you’re Pepper Fucking Potts. You’re amazing.” The thought distressed you. If someone as absolutely wonderful as Pepper struggled like that, what hope was there for you?

“That’s what Tony said.” Pepper offered you a wistful smile. “I had to realize that it didn’t matter what any of those other women did, how they threw themselves at him. The only thing that mattered was how Tony reacted to them, and whether or not I trusted him. And I trusted him. So, you have to ask yourself: Do you trust Bucky?”

You nodded fervently. “With my life,” you said.

“No offense,” Pepper began, “but he’s your teammate. Yes, you trust him with your life, but you could say the same about Thor, or Clint, or even Rhodey. Do you trust him with your heart?”

“I do.” There was no ounce of hesitation in your answer, no pause for consideration. You trusted Bucky implicitly, with every fiber of your body and soul.

“Then you have to hold onto that,” Pepper said. “Like I said, you can’t control what other people are going to do, but you can control how you react to them. If you trust Bucky, then why waste your energy worrying about what someone else might do? Especially if you don’t have any doubts about how Bucky feels about you.”

“I know,” you sighed, “but it just feels like it’s so much easier said than done. Like, I know he loves me, but I’m so scared that one day, he’s going to wake up and realize that I’m just not worth it. That he could do so much better. Or that I’m holding him back. Did you know I’m the first person he slept with since the ‘40s?! What if he decides that he wants more? That, even though he loves me, I’m just not enough to keep him satisfied?”

Pepper exhaled and scooted forward in her chair to be closer to you, taking both your hands in hers. “Honey, I might be biased because you’re essentially my sister-in-law and I love you so much, but you are, by far, more than enough. I know you get caught up in your head, and that all of this relationship business is brand new to you, but you’re extraordinary. Look at everything you’ve overcome and where you’ve gotten yourself. Do you know how many people who have been through what you’ve endured would have just given up? Or settled for so much less?”

You halfheartedly shrugged your shoulders. “If it hadn’t been for Tony, though, I–”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Pepper interrupted gently. “Tony just saw what was already inside of you. He saw your drive, your raw talent. He knew you were starting from behind the finish line, and he just provided the resources to help you catch up. If you had been brought up the way you should have been, the way you deserved, with the love and support that parents are supposed to provide, I have no doubt that you would have found yourself here on your own eventually, with or without any assistance from Tony.”

Your throat caught with the weight of Pepper’s words. You held the CEO in the highest esteem, and to hear her speak of you this way filled your heart. “I wish you and Tony had been my real family,” you whispered, hoping to keep the cracks in your voice in check. “I love you both so much.”

Pepper’s face softened. “We might not be your blood family, honey,” she said, her eyes growing glassy with unshed tears, “but never for a minute think we aren’t your real family. You’re the family we chose, just like I hope we’re the family you chose.” You nodded in agreement– they were the family you chose– the entire team was, but Pepper and Tony were special. “I wish you could see what we all see whenever we look at you,” she said.

You swallowed thickly. “I wish I did, too.”

“Can I make an observation?” Pepper asked gently, as though afraid of overstepping. When you nodded, she continued: “Being loved has always been transactional for you. You were never allowed to just be loved for who you were; your sad excuse for a mother and her monster of a boyfriend made you work for it in the most horrible ways imaginable. They gave you less than the bare minimum, and only if they felt you’d earned it from them. That’s no way for a little girl to grow up. And it breaks my heart, because now that you’re surrounded by people who love you for you, and a man who would literally die for you, who sees no other woman than you, you’ve been so conditioned to think that, if you’re not actively working to earn that love, you don’t deserve it. And Pocket, honestly, nothing could be further from the truth. You make all of our lives better just by being in them.”

You looked down at where she still held your hands in hers. God, you wanted to believe her. She made it sound so fucking easy.

As if sensing your hesitation, Pepper went on: “I’m going to make a recommendation,” she said. “I’m making it not just as your friend, but as a sister and your boss, because I think it would be beneficial in all aspects of your life right now. You’re free to do with the recommendation whatever you like; I only ask that you seriously consider it.”

You looked at her, anxiety beginning to course through you as you ran through all the possibilities of what she could possibly have to say. You nodded for her to continue.

“I want you to consider getting yourself back into therapy,” she said, gently squeezing your hand. “We can all tell you how wonderful you are, how worthy of love, until we’re blue in the face, but it’s not going to do any good until you actually believe it.”

You looked down, ashamed to meet her eye. You had been in therapy for years while you were in college and when you first started working for Stark Industries, but you’d prided yourself on your progress and had stopped attending sessions a long time ago.

“I know you’re private when it comes to your past,” Pepper continued, “and that you don’t want anyone thinking less of you or pitying you because of what you’ve been through, but honey, it’s not healthy for you to go on this way. You’re in a whole new phase of your life right now that should be filling you with joy, but you’re unhappy. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, or to make you feel like you can’t handle it, but don’t you think it would be good to have some help? Maybe you could talk to Tony about accessing his Virtual Therapy program. That way, you’re not divulging your secrets to a real person, but you’re still getting the help you need.”

You looked at her, considering her suggestion. It had a lot of merit, and you wouldn’t have to open up to an actual person, just FRIDAY. And Tony had created it, had trusted it with his own issues, so you knew the system would be secure, and just as good, if not better, than speaking to a human therapist.

“Yeah, okay,” you finally agreed. “I’ll talk to Tony and see what we can set up.”

The relief on Pepper’s face was palpable as she stood, pulling you up so she could embrace you again. “You’re so important to me, Pocket,” she whispered. “To all of us. None of us want to see you trapped in your head. You don’t deserve that.”

“Thanks, Pep,” you said, squeezing her back. “I’m so thankful to have you in my life.”

“I am, too, honey,” Pepper said, stepping back and releasing her hold on you. She brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into your face. “Anytime you need anything, you know where to find me.”

You nodded, thanked her again, and made your way out of her office. Once back in the hallway, you pulled out your cell phone, dialing Tony’s number. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he answered. You could hear the sounds of DUM-E extinguishing something in the background; he was obviously down in his lab, setting something on fire. “What can I do for you?”

“Hey, Boss,” you began, taking a deep breath, “I need to ask a favor…”

<- Previous Part / Next Chapter ->

[poodlejoonas]

I didn't wanna say anything, just observe and try to process on my own, but fuck it we ball.

Joel leaving the band should be a wake-up call for some of y'all to come to terms with how you treat mental illness and neurodivergence. Yes, even if you're also depressed, or also anxious, or also diagnosed ADHD. Especially if you're one or more of those things. It's like you don't wanna believe that Joel's lifelong, every day mental and emotional state could actually cause serious physical health concerns - you only wanna see him as the "hehe quirky energetic boi." Which he can be that sometimes, but y'all let that view of him cloud your judgment and make you ignore real issues.

And when you only see the quirky side of his ADHD, some of y'all [emphasis on some] get a little too comfortable with bullying him about it. But you might say, "Oh, well I have the same thing too and it's #relatable so it's okay if we joke and bully him (affectionately)." That's still ableism, babes! Being a little depresso bean yourself doesn't mean you get to make fun of someone else's depression, it just give you permission to talk about your own. Having ADHD doesn't mean you get to be a bully about someone else's symptom expression, even if you think you're just being playful about it. Leaving it on your blog or on Discord is one thing. Posting it in a place where you know he'll see it is a totally different beast. We should all know better than to know you can't read tone through text. You can only do that once you know someone's typing style on an intimate level and can understand if they're joking, pissed off, or chill about it.

None of us know Joel on a daily basis, no matter how many IG stories he posts or how many times we rewatch their tour vlogs and watch him make silly noises or be moody. The other guys can (affectionately) joke around with him because they know him and they've lived in buses and the studio with him for 12+ years. WE. CAN'T. He's always caught the most shit from fans for captioning pictures with future song lyrics that read a little depressingly (like what the other guys did), posting about his sad feelings or low self-esteem, and even sharing his playful moments. He's been a lot of fans' personal voodoo doll for projecting feelings and fanfiction headcanons because his ADHD and other issues are treated like a headcanon.

(And before you say anything - yes, I'm aware I'm not entirely innocent of this either. I've written it into the dad!AU to be as honest to reality as I can be. But I've never tried to force any of my fanfic ideals onto others. I've never forced my fics into anyone's faces if they didn't want to read them. And I for damn sure haven't been the judge, jury, and executioner for how fics with Joel could be written. Because he's a person, not a doll to play with.)

Finally - for the love of GOD - recognize the difference between Blind Channel's songs about mental illness and suicide and the reality behind them. In the songs, they're aesthetics. That's what musical symbolism is about. They exist in their aesthetics so that we can also feel things and process our own shit on our own time. Anytime I get "Die Another Day" on my shuffle, I stop what I'm doing to cry about it then move on with my day. Every one of their sad songs has an even sadder backstory. "Bad Idea" exists because Niko was literally talked off a ledge. "Feel Nothing" tells the story of being so done with life that your whole body goes numb. "Don't Fix Me" is about coming to terms with having a fucked up life and mental state. "Scream" is dedicated to one of Joel's dearest idols, whose life story and death (I'm 95% certain) was part of his fears of continuing in the band with his mental state.

Remember that Joel was literally the guy whose answer to the question, "Where do you see yourselves in ten years?" was "In a grave." IN A GRAVE. And he has the self-preservation now to acknowledge that he may end up there in his stated timeline if he continues doing something that will get him there. Maybe, just maybe, there's a little twinkle of hope that he can grow old and find real happiness and peace in his life. This is someone who probably never thought he'd live to see 30. And he finally has the chance to chase peace on his own terms. We should be grateful for that, but the Anger part of the "Fandom Five Stages of Grief" would rather have us all turn against the five remaining members of the band we all claim to love so much.

Cope how you want, I'm not a fucking cop. But when you're ready for this conversation, return and do some serious thinking about it. There will be future depressing songs not written by Joel. Then who will you project onto?