#and I guess I should see if I can make the process more efficient... rn this takes like 2 Numina... which is a lot of reading...

[moonsinkfoxgirl]

look at my daughter! I have woven her from a fabric made of thunderous song and then fed her my blood to give her life!

[ziracona]

the way ILM is the only fic that's actually made me cry... trying so hard to capture that level of emotion for a scene im writing in a fic rn, do you have any advice about writing scenes like that, or about how you get into the right headspace?

Totally! Although it helps to know specifics. Also, take my advice with a grain of salt, because the way I write is very unusual and might be hard to do (and moderate). So, I did acting before I really got into writing or any of the various other things I’ve done (film, VA work, etc). And I kind of approach everything from an acting lens. I method act when I act, and I write the same way. I get intensely into character, and write the character through myself. This is a really useful and good way to write, but you should do it in controlled moderation (just like method acting). Do not be me and get so into character you accidentally give yourself trauma writing something like The End of the Line. The plus of basically acting what you write is it makes understanding what characters will do or say next very easy. It also makes it a lot easier (for me anyway) to get in touch with and have a good handle on emotion and translate it well. The downside of that is probably any section of ILM that made you cry, I was sobbing for over an hour writing. It works, but it takes a toll. I wrote the end section for Rin in one night and it physically exhausted me. When writing ODE for a friend, the fic I’m updating now (beside NDF), I regularly sent him screenshots of my shirt literally soaked through with tears.

Now, this is not remotely the only efficient way to write emotion—or to act it! It’s just the way that comes most naturally to me, so it’s the one I have the most experience trying to describe or recommend. If it doesn’t work for you, there are /tons/ of other ways that will. Moving on from my basic process, here’s some actual advice:

The scene you are writing, you say you want to be really emotional. I would assume that means that what happens in it is deeply meaningful to you, and you would like to/feel like you or anyone could/should cry for the event. Because it’s significant. Try to find what it is that you have that feelings towards in the scene, because it won’t be just like, X character dies. There’s always more that goes with it. Is it sad because they’re dying alone, or because they thought they would, but they have a friend, and it’s so precious to them? Try to find the meaning behind the event, and focus on that. In acting, it’s considered very bad direction to tell your actor something like “act sadder”, because that’s not an actionable command. What is sadder? You’re supposed to give them an actual thing they can do, not a concept to embody. So something like, “convince him you will never forget him, before he dies and it’s too late to tell him,” is a much better direction. That’s actionable. I’d say a lot of that applies to writing too. If someone is dying, focus on what that means, to them, to whoever is with them. If someone is being told they’re loved for the first time, how does that feel—are they miserable with guilt, are they at peace? And how is that actually shown.

It can help a lot to focus on that. To focus on specific actions that have a lot of meaning, like holding out your hand for someone who isn’t going to come. It can also help to find a central emotion to a scene, the heart kind of as it were, and then to build around it. Trying to think of an example, in ILM, one of the earliest scenes to make me cry was Quentin’s near death in The End of the Line. Obviously it’s upsetting he’s being killed, and by the single worst person in his life, who has been hunting him literally since he was a child. And there’s the desperation of everyone trying to save him, and how much they are suffering, the unfairness of how hard he’s trying to save himself, and that it’s not enough, but what makes that scene truly impactful is that he’s kind of out of it and he thinks his Dad is close enough to hear him and come save him and he could be okay, but he doesn’t. That’s what makes the scene breaking. There’s also the moment he accepts he’s going to die and prays about it and tries to comfort himself, telling himself it’s okay he’s going to die because he did the best he could and tried all the way to the end. That’s a very brave sentiment, but it’s also really fucking awful and pitiful and depressing to see someone in that situation being the only person there to tell themself it is okay their abuser is about to murder them, and no one is going to save them this time. And everything else that chapter is framing those two moments. It’s not that he’s dying, it’s that he is dying utterly alone, and with no one to comfort him, and that he knew he would, and he couldn’t escape it, and no one could save him. It’s the absolute consuming loneliness. The other half of the chapter is the group trying to save him, willing to go through literally anything for it. So it’s a race to see if he /will/ die alone, if he will ever even get to know they tried, or what they’d go through for him, or if it will all be for nothing, and even though in the end he doesn’t get killed, the threat of it is real and awful enough while it’s being experienced that it carries a lot of weight.

As far as headspace goes, for me, I get into character. I try to think and feel as incredibly miserable as my characters (Uh, to a safe extent preferably. Again, I’ve overshot the mark and fucked myself up before. Try not to do that :’-]). I feel how they feel, and if I write with the emotion they have, usually it carries over. So I guess the best advice I can give for headspace is just try to care as much about and for your characters as you can. I’m sure not every author would say this, but I tend to look at writing as I can’t expect someone reading my story to care /more/ about it than I do, so if I want it to matter, it has to really matter to me too. I get invested and care like the characters are my kids, and I want them to succeed and be happy. Even if sometimes I have to write them fail, or die. I try to approach it like I am keeping a faithful narrative for real people who really mattered, in a way. Like I’m witnessing them. And that helps.

Anyway, I am sorry if that isn’t super helpful. I am not always the best at translating things I understand and feel very well, into terms other people can easily understand. Despite my best efforts. 😔 I am very happy to try to elaborate or explain further if there are specifics I could do so on that might help. Uh, I guess as a very basic last piece of advice, if all of this is kind of confusing or hard to follow, just. Whatever makes it a scene to you like the ones in ILM that made you cry—whatever makes it a story segment that should be cried over. Try to find that element. That makes it...important, and vital, and painful, and makes it matter that it /is/ painful, and try to connect to that. Try to feel that element, and to write that feeling down. If you have ever been really depressed and written poetry, or even a few lines of just journaling, talking about something very personal and raw and ugly or hard or unchangable, it’s kind of like that. Find that. And describe it like you would something painful to yourself. If it can resonate with the people reading, if it’s written brutally honestly, whether it is pretty or not, it will.

[jaymes-ip]

Process Journal 9/27

This will be much more of a free write than the other one because I’ve been struggling. Not with the actual work, I have so many ideas and things I want to be doing and I really just want to be able to get to work but I find myself exhausted and out of time. For the last couple of weeks I’ve found myself working working working but not getting enough done. The work in my classes is getting done, but not efficiently and I’m so damn tired.  I’m definitely not getting enough sleep, and that’s just been getting worse. It’s a shame too because like I said, I have a ton of ideas and I want to be working but this is the class that least requires the fewest immediate results which means I put it on the backburner. Which inevitably won’t work because it’s also (arguably, ceramics is up there) the most process based class; the class I need to be working the most consistently on. And again, I want to be working! There is so much going on in my life and in my classes that relates to this class and I want to be doing that work! This is the exact kind of work I want to be doing in fact. I’ve been looking forward to this project for a long time, I want to be working on a project for a long time so I can work out all the kinks. As much as I’ve loved STAMPs, I’ve found myself with a lot of interesting concept pieces, but not a lot of work that’s finished to my standards. Over the summer, when I’m able to work at my own pace and focus on a single piece for several days without distraction I do really solid, finished work (though I often put off work and mess around during the summer, but that’s a different story).

Now, I think I’ve diagnosed the problem, or at least part of it: my schedule is super messed up right now. My boyfriend gets out of work at 12:30AM which should be fine, I don’t go to bed that early ever and I don’t think I ever will, however, I have started going to bed at increasingly insane times. I have class at 8:30AM most mornings and I go to bed at 3, 4, 5, and on rare occasions, 6 in the morning. Why? This does not benefit me in any way; I don’t spend more time with Kory because I’m exhausted and stressed by that late, I don’t sleep well and I end up sleeping in the middle of the day while he’s at work which forces me to work far after he gets done/on his weekend (the middle of my week), I don’t get more work done because I don’t work well past about 12:30AM. This isn’t helped by his weekend being Tuesday-Thursday, Thursday being the only day we both have off together.

I believe I have found a solution to this problem. For a while, I was considering a million insane schedules to try and remedy this, not limited to committing to polyphasic sleeping (as I currently sleep ~4hrs a night and ~4 in the middle of the day randomly). Needless to say that is a terrible idea and it wouldn’t work and is clearly not working currently. My actual solution consists of limiting the amount I work and when I work along with allowing for more breaks and more time at home. I love my studio, it’s great for working but I need to be home if for no other reason than to take my dog out and to do dishes etc. but mostly just to be around Kory even if we’re not doing anything together.

Ignore how fucked up this schedule is and focus on the more important aspects of it: getting more sleep, taking more breaks, having more time at home, knowing when I’ll be working. I have a massive bad habit of overworking. I don’t think most teachers like to hear that and I’d guess that a lot of them wouldn’t believe me about it but I have chronic headaches due to overworking, I don’t sleep or have any free time due to work, I spend 95% of my time thinking about my work, I give myself a scant few breaks. I’m sure you can tell by what a healthy schedule for me looks like (see above).

This has already made me a lot more excited about this semester and this class. I feel a lot more in control now; I know when I should be doing things and when to be done. Instead of stressing myself out all the time, I have this part covered so I just have to plan what I’ll be doing in my time blocks instead of when I’ll be doing stuff. Having more breaks will also help me get more work done. Having real, enjoyable social time helps me so much with getting my work done and letting myself have fun helps me keep my focus instead of fucking off on social media for two straight hours.

This plan will likely have problems. One I can already see happening is the pressure of having to do something at a certain time. Sometimes this can make me not start until that time, ie. I have class at 4 and something due at the start of class and it’s 2:25 rn, I will stress about it and put it off until 3:49. I have this problem regardless though so having time blocks will be good, then I only have to focus on what I’m doing like I said earlier. 

Alright I’m going to sign off for now, I have a lot more to write about my process and I’m excited to do that and to share some games with Muriel, she seemed really interested in journaling based single-person TTRPGs when I mentioned them. I’m extremely excited about my work going forward and to talk on Wednesday but for tonight it’s 12:30 AM and that means I need to be done for the night!

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: How are they then? Buster: Besides missing me madly like Rio: Yeah, that's the general consensus here, like Rio: Assuming I'm talking to the girls? 😜 Rio: Everyone's good, enjoying their freedom from education hard, being cute gays, like Rio: How are you lot, babe? Buster: Better not be too hard though, Nance has got a lot of hair to hold back. Your brother not so much, granted Buster: Oh you know, we're manic. High on sugar and poor impulse control Rio: Don't worry, the stylish yet efficient bun is in, she'd not risk her crowning glory, like 😂 Rio: 😏 and that's just you, yeah? Buster: Standard Buster: 'Course. Only bribe you with the sweet stuff Rio: Likewise Rio: You know my weaknesses Rio: I'll facetime later to read 'em a story, I found some cool new ones out here Rio: Why were we shopping for kid's stuff I hear you not ask, well Rio: Don't worry, your sister ain't knocked up Buster: You gonna facetime me later too, yeah? Buster: I got to thinking she'd landed herself another MILF, this time with kids in toe like Rio: Duh, know you can't sleep without a story from me either, I got you baby Rio: Nope Rio: You'll never guess Buster: Are you actually gonna make me Buster: Or just tell me Rio: Alright, Demi and June are going to have a baby! Buster: You're right I'd never have guessed that one Rio: Well, here's the thing Rio: they've asked me to surrogate for them Buster: But you burst their bubble, right? Buster: And then they found someone else Rio: No Rio: We've not gone ahead and started the process or anything but I think its a good idea Rio: it'll make it so its biologically a bit of both of them, as close as Buster: Yeah I get where they're coming from and what they get out of it Rio: You don't think it'd be a nice thing for me to do for them? Why not? I've got the eggs, the incubator Buster: Nice ain't the word, babe Rio: Its my little brother, if I can do something to make him happy, I wanna Rio: and it won't be that much of a hardship on me, like Rio: Sure I can deal with morning sickness and the rest Buster: If you say so Rio: You don't want me to Buster: It ain't up to me Rio: No but I care about your opinion Buster: Yeah? Buster: That's why you already said you'd do it Rio: Not officially, or exactly Rio: I couldn't no it out of the gate Rio: He's so excited, you know what he's like, it would've looked weird if I wasn't Buster: Fuck that Buster: It's weird that you wanna do it Rio: Why is that weird? Buster: 'Cause you ain't Chlo, wanting to just give your kid over when you reckon your part's done Rio: Don't say that Rio: It won't be mine Buster: Bullshit Buster: You're carrying it, you think you're not gonna get attached feeling it kick and everything Buster: Come on Rio: Plenty of women do it Rio: All the time Buster: I don't care about them Buster: I care about you Rio: Then trust me when I say I can Buster: You know I trust you Buster: But can't I be worried, like Buster: Just trying to look at this from the POV you won't Rio: Of course you can but Rio: It isn't fair if they can't have a kid Buster: Grace can't either, you gonna offer for her too? Buster: Don't act like there aren't other options Rio: If she asked, yeah Rio: but she's 18 and single so quite unlikely Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Well what if I want to experience it myself Rio: I'm not going to get a chance now either, unless I take this Buster: That's not a reason to put yourself through this Rio: You can't say that Rio: You don't know, you have kids, and your a man, its totally different Buster: So it's my fault now? Buster: Whatever Buster: You wanted my opinion Buster: I know what it's like to not be able to raise your kid yourself, remember? I don't want that for you Rio: Didn't say that Rio: I'm saying you can't know how I feel on it Rio: It isn't like I'll never see it Rio: still be family Buster: Don't you reckon that'll be harder? Buster: Look what happened to your sister, having Drew around but not Rio: Why would it be anything like that Rio: I'm not like him, I'm not going to pretend she doesn't exist Rio: she'll have me as her Auntie and she'll know I'm her bio Ma but she'll have two parents that love her Buster: So did Edie Buster: Really felt it though, didn't she? Rio: Shut up Rio: You're being stupid now Rio: Its not close to the same situation Rio: Edie knew she was a mistake, one her Da especially did not want Rio: this is planned, and so wanted, and the kid will know Buster: Forget I said anything then Buster: You've made your mind up already anyway Rio: I have to do this Rio: can't you support me? Buster: Of course I'll support you Buster: Doesn't mean I can't warn you. I have to, if you have to do this Rio: Okay Rio: I hear you, yeah? Rio: Noted Buster: I love you Rio: I love you too Buster: Good Rio: I'm coming Home in Sunday Rio: or Imma have to buy another suitcase for all the presents Buster: And if Kira couldn't see you before she goes back to Erin's you'd have to hide in your suitcase Rio: Exactly Rio: Don't wanna miss her Buster: No way she's letting that happen Buster: And, you know, her curls are so big now like Rio: 😍 Rio: They're both so beautiful, my heart melts Rio: How can I deny the world of my DNA either, yeah? Buster: You've got me there Buster: You would make a beautiful kid Rio: Right? Rio: And Demi is gorg so not gonna fuck with the mix, thank God Rio: like soz, Junie, don't rate your mans Buster: He's not as hot as me, but who is Rio: Obviously Rio: but not the colour they going for, like Buster: Tut tut Rio: Reverse racism at its finest, you reckon? 😂 Buster: I'm only playing Buster: Gotta when you got no adult company Rio: Poor baby Rio: You love it Buster: Can't lie Rio: Mhmm, no fooling me, boy Buster: Too late for all that, I know Rio: How's Messi Rio: take a pic? Buster: [Sends a group selfie] Rio: 😘💖😩💋 Rio: My faves Rio: Wish I was Home Buster: Me too Buster: But we've waited longer for each other, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Just dramatic Rio: We're all going out later so, won't have time to mope then, they won't have that 😏 Buster: Out where? Buster: Like the club or the museum? Very different vibes Rio: The club, we've exhausted the museums Rio: Sure the lads would disagree but Buster: And you've gotta make the most of it Buster: Can't be hitting the dance floor pregnant Rio: Who says? Rio: Gotta keep working and werkin', like Buster: 🤑 Rio: Although I am having to argue that case rn Rio: Obviously, you get compensation but Demi says I should rest and take more but Rio: I don't know Buster: You'll have to decide when it happens Buster: You won't know the struggle until you do Buster: My mum worked until she dropped, literally but Chlo milked it as her standard Buster: Erin was somewhere in the middle Rio: You did drop in early Rio: Height of rudeness, tbh Rio: Couldn't let me be even a few days older Buster: Blame Nance, she came out first Buster: I was chill and chilling Rio: Likely story 😂 Rio: Hope I don't give them a bogof baby too Rio: not planning for that Buster: You'll be begging for rest then Buster: My mum was sick as hell with us Rio: Again, your awkwardness does not shock me, babe Rio: It is more likely with IVF but fingers crossed Rio: not needing the extra dollar that bad Buster: At least you could take inspo from Disney and keep one each Buster: What could go wrong? 😂 Rio: Perfect plan Rio: You already think I'm gonna become the child snatcher so why not be that cruel about it Buster: Exactly Buster: And the cuteness will be too hard to resist we already know Rio: Oh yeah, THAT'S why you've got 2 already 🙄 Rio: I've got some self-control, unlike yous 😘 Buster: 'Course Buster: 😇 you are Buster: Sainting yourself with this move too so Rio: Hard job but someone's gotta Buster: Who says? Rio: Don't lets start on that again Buster: I'm just saying Buster: Catch me here sinning Rio: Sure, Dad 😏 Rio: Face it, you're such a good boy now Rio: lost it, like Buster: You wish, babe Rio: Nah Rio: Devvo about it, I am Buster: Liar Buster: It'll go perfect with your mother mary vibes when all this goes ahead Rio: Fuck off Buster: I'd say make me but you're too much of a goodie two shoes now Rio: You're so annoying Rio: being a Da made you perfect, did it? Rio: I think not Buster: You know it Buster: Always been close anyway though Rio: 😂 Rio: Please Rio: Anyway, I'm not going to be a Mum, fullstop Buster: Says you Buster: The kid might have a different take Rio: Lord, it ain't even cooking yet Rio: Never mind your imagined teen angst Rio: plenty of donor babies in the world, not losing their shit Rio: they'll be better parents than I'd ever Buster: Whatever Buster: Come on, there's a limit to the bullshit and we both know you're such a great ma Buster: Indie can vouch Rio: That's different Rio: it isn't real, for one Buster: Jay then Rio: You know I love her Buster: Yeah and you're more of a mum than her actual one is Buster: So don't use that as an excuse Rio: I'm not Rio: I'm just saying Rio: The kid's gonna have a good life, yeah Rio: It won't be wanting for anything, least of all me, I'm sure Buster: Fine Rio: Don't be angry Buster: I don't wanna fight with you Buster: Go have fun or whatever Rio: Well, I ain't going to now Rio: but we'll talk when I get back, then? Buster: If that's what you want, yeah Rio: We're getting nowhere now so Rio: Got no other option, have I Buster: You always have options, Rio Buster: But pick your battles too, like Rio: Didn't realise it would be one Buster: What does that tell you? How much have you even thought about this? Rio: If I had made this much drama when you were having Kira, Jay even, we wouldn't be here rn Buster: That's different Buster: It wasn't my decision, for one thing Rio: So? I still supported you Rio: It was still happening Buster: I've said I'll support you Buster: Doesn't mean I have to agree with everything Rio: How are you going to support me if you don't agree with it on some level Rio: Its not going to work Buster: I'll be here anyway, that's how Buster: For you Rio: Alright Buster: Not like I'm the first person to have to get on board with something I'm not 100% sure will work Buster: Our families did it for us and that worked out Rio: True Rio: Just thought it'd be different Rio: but its alright Buster: What do you want from me? Buster: Tell me Rio: No, it was stupid Rio: you're fine Buster: Rio Buster: Come on Rio: It's me Rio: I'm good Buster: Babe, talk to me Buster: I'm sorry I made you upset Buster: But you can tell me anything Rio: It isn't your fault Rio: I just wish it was exciting news Rio: it is for them Rio: but you're not excited for me, and why would you be, or anyone else Rio: because it isn't my news Buster: I'm sorry Buster: That's all I was trying to get across, you don't have to do this just 'cause they want you to Buster: If you wanna have a baby this isn't the way, you know Rio: I know, they aren't forcuing me Rio: but, I don't wanna take that away from them, anyone Buster: I know and you know I love how much you care and how you'll do anything for the people you love, yeah? Buster: I'm just saying don't hurt yourself over it Buster: I just want you to be careful. Think carefully that's all Rio: Yeah Rio: I will Rio: I am Buster: I'm not trying to say it's the same, fucking obviously, but when my mum and dad didn't bring my brother home from the hospital, I remember it Buster: How excited me and Nance were and then Rio: I know Rio: That's awful Rio: but you were kids, there was a lot of confusion and not getting it Rio: I know what I'm signing up for here, like Rio: I know it won't be fun for a while afterward, the hormones and that Buster: Just remember you'll be leaving empty handed too Buster: I trust you Buster: I won't keep beating you over the head with my drama Rio: I can't not do it Rio: How would I say no, like? Buster: Just let the word come out Buster: Practice on me if you want Rio: Funny Rio: They'd be heartbroken Buster: Call me selfish but I'd rather them than you Rio: I can handle it Rio: It's about time something good happens for June, Billie has Stevie and she's settled Buster: Then do it Buster: I can't and won't stop you Rio: My Ma'll be buzzin' Rio: another grandbaby, at last, slacking so hard, like Buster: No arguments there Rio: think she was 6 down by now Rio: preggo with the twins Buster: Christ Buster: Two's hard enough, cheers Buster: Didn't have to birth them myself either Rio: Yeah, she's hardcore Buster: I clearly take after mine Buster: Happy with two Buster: Any more would be such a headfuck Buster: They got their head round it though I guess Rio: Nah, you're just saying that 'cos you ain't had chance to impregnate anyone recently Buster: You're away until Sunday Buster: Plenty of time Buster: Three could be my magic number too Rio: Fuck off Rio: You prick 😂 Buster: I proper miss you Rio: Sounds like it Buster: If you need to hear it, call me later Rio: Just lemme know when you've got your newest baby mama out the door and I will Buster: But I might need you before she leaves, 'cause you know I don't want anyone as much as you Buster: Hate to fail to make baby 3 Rio: Can't find the staff these days, can ya? Buster: 😂 Buster: Got my heart set on sticking to the numbers and my parents status quo though now Rio: I believe in you, babe Rio: power through Rio: if you can with Chlo, you can with anyone Buster: True Buster: Better hit the club myself for a candidate Rio: Ha, you gonna bring along 1&2 like? Buster: They'd love it Buster: Haven't stopped dancing all day Rio: Reckon you'll fuck with their street cred tho Buster: maybe Rio: who goes to the club with their lame old dad Buster: You would Buster: Daddy's girl Rio: Can't tell if you mean my actual Da or you Rio: too awkward to ask Buster: That's how you know you need to sort yourself out, babe Rio: shut up Rio: you love it Buster: I do love you Rio: I know Buster: Good

[informationisscience-blog]

Criticisms of the Hospital Process

Unfortunately over break, instead of spending time with family or with family and working on assignments, I spent most of it in bed. As someone who rarely gets sick, I was surprised to find myself horribly ill, with the sickness culminating over the weekend.

Even with my mentality of telling everyone to “suck it up” and man up, I found myself awake late at night realizing I needed to take myself to the ER. So, I walked out of my apartment at 1:30 in the morning, and took an uber to the ER.

Now to clarify, this is NOT a critique of the healthcare system or an endorsement of any other. I have insurance I am very satisfied with and have received nothing but reasonable care my entire life.

I tried to let them know I was coming through their non-life-threatening online check-in to avoid a long wait and to give them the courtesy. This was my first problem with their system. One, it informed me that I had life threatening symptoms. So rather than allowing me to check-in, it blacklisted by IP Address and demanded I show up. So even though I now apparently had life-threatening symptoms, I could not inform them I was on the way. Seems like a bit of an issue.

So alas, my uber arrives at the hospital and I walk inside. There were zero signs directing me where to go, but I was able to guess and make my way towards a CA who checked me in. This was not a big issue for me since I was alert albeit very ill, but I could only imagine being someone not so alert and trying to find my way around.

After checking in and giving my insurance information, I was directed to a room where they took my vitals, which I actually thought was efficient since the woman who checked me in was also the one to take my vitals. Then, I waited. The ER was empty, and I waited. Not a few minutes, not ten minutes, not twenty minutes, but well over 35 minutes till a PA came into the room.

The PA himself was great, but I heard him gossiping with the RN for 10+ minutes before he came into the room. There seems to be a little bit of a disconnect in what sort of service the customer (or patient in this case) should be provided.

After the PA recommended tests and chest Xrays I wsas sped through those in a timely manner, and then waited. And waited some more. And heard the doctor in another room gossiping. And waited. And waited. I was a bit too sick to really care enough about saying anything and was just enjoying the topical analgesics they had rubbed onto my throat instead.

All said and done, it was over three hours in the ER before they told me they had no idea what was wrong with me, and just gave me permission to take high doses of NSAID’s and said see you in here later if it doesn’t get better.

Now, my own subjective experience could have been better, yes. But that aside, the inefficiency that was shown by the hospital staff is bad for them! Sure, I was not going to die on the bed and it may have been a slow night, but the bars get out at 2AM and they could very quickly be filled up, making a backlog with the non-critical patients they did have. A 2004 study supports my views, showing that it keeps the ER from becoming over saturated! This other more opinionated piece talks a bit more about patient happiness, though like I said I care less about that and more just about hospitals being run in a way that keeps them more ready for emergency. If they were to have some sort of standards in place regarding how quickly patients need to at the very least get seen and assessed, I could have been in and out in less than 90 minutes, freeing up their staff to be prepared for any other emergencies, and it would have taken ZERO extra work on their part. 

Alas, I doubt my personal opinions will be taken to dramatically change a health care system, but one can only hope. 

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Ask D-Mine: Pump Slaves and Unpumping for Exercise

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/ask-d-mine-pump-slaves-and-unpumping-for-exercise/

Ask D-Mine: Pump Slaves and Unpumping for Exercise

Need help navigating life with diabetes? Ask D'Mine! That would be our weekly advice column, hosted by veteran type 1, diabetes author and community educator Wil Dubois. This week, Wil tackles two questions about insulin pumping, one about being "forced" into pumping and one on whether pumpers can disconnect and keep your blood sugars in range with only exercise.

Got your own questions? Email us at AskDMine@diabetesmine.com

Brad, type 1 from Connecticut, writes: Last year I got very sick, my blood sugar spiked to 800, and my blood potassium was almost immeasurable. My doctor tried to put me on type 2 meds, then when they did nothing, he put me on insulin. That manages my blood sugar but it leaves me with more questions than answers. I have lived a year with this and wonder if it is truly diabetes or something worse? Is there someone I should talk to, to voice my concerns, because my doctor doesn't hear me. He says I can go see a specialist but then tries to scare me by saying they will try to force me on an insulin pump. Is this true?

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Is there anything worse than diabetes? I mean, seriously, what are you worried about? For what it's worth, I think there's very good evidence you have diabetes, and not much evidence it could be something else, worse or not. I'm glad you mentioned your high blood potassium, because that's part-and-parcel of diabetic ketoacidosis (or DKA), which is a classic type 1 diabetes smoking gun.

But I do understand why you're having a hard time wrapping your head around your dx, and your worries about it being something worse. I've been there myself. Let me tell you the story of my own diagnosis denial.

Now remember, this was a while back. Before the web and the DOC and all the wonderful sources of info that enrich our lives today. So I didn't really have any way to learn the facts of type 1. I was, like I think you might be, freaking out about my dx and was unable to believe it. No one in my family's history had diabetes. Ever. My wife's family has type 2, and at the time I assumed type 1 had the same family-friendly style (since then I've learned that type 1 commonly pops up without warning in "fresh" gene pools).

Anyway, I managed to convince myself I had pancreatic cancer, as that made more sense to my misinformed brain than lone-wolf diabetes did. And then I read up on pancreatic cancer and updated my Last Will and Testament. Of course, at this time, my blood sugars were a mess and I was sick and bone-tired. My endo humored me by ordering an MRI on my pancreas.

It was on Christmas Eve that I talked to her nurse and got the news: no cancer or anything else unusual. But instead of rejoicing, I was overcome with depression. I was totally bummed out. As crazy as it sounds, I was bummed I wasn't going to die because that meant I was going to have to go on living; I assumed I'd never feel any better than I did at that moment. And at that moment I felt like crap. And living feeling like crap just seemed like more work than I could handle. At that moment, not having cancer seemed like a terrible Christmas present.

Of course, once my blood sugars came under control, I started to feel more like my old self. And soon, even better than I had felt for years.

So I'm glad I didn't die. I'm glad I didn't have something "worse." So, as much as a challenge diabetes can sometimes be, I guess there are worse things, after all.

Still, I see no reason to think you have anything worse than diabetes. But if your doc isn't listening to you, you can always go talk to another. Get a second opinion. There's nothing disloyal about doing that, and it might give you the peace of mind you need. Even if it just comes from hearing the same thing from two people.

And one last thing, Brad: no one is going to make you their pump slave. You cannot be forced on to an insulin pump by anyone. Specialist or not. So please don't worry about that. But for what it's worth, there are "worse" things than insulin pumps, and lots of people find them VERY helpful for managing their diabetes!

Don, type 1 working in the North Sea oil fields, asks: Are there cases of people that produce no insulin but are able to maintain a A1C below 7 (or even below 9) with only exercise and diet? I thought my understanding of type 1 was very advanced, but then I started thinking about the idea of taking off your pump during exercise where it seems that there are other routes for sugar to get into the cells other than with insulin. How does that work? And for that matter why does alcohol, which can be converted into sugars, usually lower blood sugar? Help me understand!

Wil@Ask D'Mine answers: Cadavers can maintain excellent A1Cs without insulin. But that's about it. Any post-honeymoon type 1 can't live for long without insulin. So if you're really* a person that produces no insulin, you cannot control your sugar with exercise and diet.

*More about that really: assumes you were properly diagnosed. As we've talked about before a few times, very high blood sugars in type 2s can result in glucose toxicity, which mimics type 1 diabetes for a time, sometimes leading to miss-diagnosis. And of course, LADA type 1s have extended honeymoons, giving them more options in the short term.

But you also asked about exercise and alcohol, my least favorite and most favorite topics, respectively. So let's get exercise out of the way, so I can talk more about booze.

Sorry, Don, there are no secret routes for sugar to get into cells. Insulin is the only way. But your pump isn't a "just in time" inventory system; the fast-acting insulin in a pump really isn't that fast at all. It starts working in about 20 minutes, peaks in two hours, and lasts for four hours. So if you turn your pump off right now, you've still got four hours of insulin in your system. Normally, that wouldn't be a smart thing to do, of course.

But exercise isn't normal. At least not in the strict biological sense. Muscles in action burn more glucose than they "normally" do, sucking it out of your system faster and more efficiently than "normal." So shortly after exercise, you need less insulin. If you left your pump doing its normal thing, you'd have a mild overdose of insulin, and your blood sugar would go too low.

So the reason we can (and should) take off or suspend our pumps for a workout is that we're using the residual insulin already delivered by the pump to fuel the body's standard metabolic processes. Nothing new, mysterious, unique, or special is happening. It's all about how fast modern insulins act and how long they last.

Which, interestingly enough, has a lot to do with the alcohol question, too.

Now first, most booze doesn't really have that much sugar. Unless it's one of those girly drinks like a daiquiri or a piña colada. Don't get me wrong. Being a feminist, I'm a huge fan of girly drinks, but the sugar in these kinds of drinks generally comes from the mixers. Hard liquor and wine don't really have all that much sugar at all.

Oh. Off tangent trivia question: why do heavy boozers have damaged livers?

Answer: because, among all its other jobs, the liver is the filter that removes alcohol from your system, but there's only so much it can take.

Confession: I tricked you. It isn't off tangent at all. Among all the liver's other jobs I alluded to, is the duty of removing excess insulin from the blood. Unless it's busy removing alcohol. The liver, like a drunk janitor, doesn't do its other jobs very well when it's drinking.

Heavy levels of alcohol in your blood get your liver drunk. It stops filtering out the excess insulin, allowing the insulin levels in your body to supersize. Oh. Right. And at the same time, the liver stops doing another one of its jobs, making sugar. So a drunk liver supersizes your insulin and stops making emergency sugar. The result: your blood sugar drops. Sometimes low enough to let you become a cadaver.

And then, and only then, you can maintain a wonderful A1C without insulin.

This is not a medical advice column. We are PWDs freely and openly sharing the wisdom of our collected experiences — our been-there-done-that knowledge from the trenches. But we are not MDs, RNs, NPs, PAs, CDEs, or partridges in pear trees. Bottom line: we are only a small part of your total prescription. You still need the professional advice, treatment, and care of a licensed medical professional.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

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