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piffany666 · 1 year ago

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Ok just one more punk progeny won't hurt~

Chapter 6: the double standard

(Trans ftm Bright eyes - he/him pronouns)

TW this Chapter contains an accurate not so positive view of alexis, regardless of your opinion of alexis please don't send death threats to either me or my proofreader.

Bright had been staying in the solaire mansion for a while now, so he wouldn't refer to what he is doing as "moving in", no, more like.....unpacking.

But alas, that's what William called it. Moving in.

He hadn't told anyone else that he'd made his decision, William reassured him that he wouldn't have to and that he was planning on getting everyone together for a "family meeting".

Bright was clambering over the mass amount of boxes he had scattered around the room in an attempt to organise his things.

Tank had recently given him a bunch of their old things, clothes, CDs, DVDs, comics all that good shit.

But he only now decided to actually get out the stuff they gave him and place it around his room.

Mabye that was because it wasn't HIS room till recently.

Suddenly, while looking around for a spot to dump one of the empty boxes, there was a knock on his door.

Bright had always lived with other people, granted it was never for very long, but within all his years of living, not one of those people ever knocked before entering.

So Bright was, understandably, more than a little startled when he heard a knock on his door.

"W-whos there?!"

Despite Bright's defensive tone, William responded sweetly.

"It's just me, Bright eyes, may I come in?"

Bright relaxed at the sound of his voice.

"O-oh yeah sure just gimme a sec"

"Of course~"

He continued frantically looking for somewhere to put the box down.

Eventually he chucked it onto the bed and went to open the door.

William slithered into the room and closed the door behind him, but not all the way.

"Good evening Bright eyes, how are you settling in?"

Every time Bright heard William speak his guard went down, his defensive nature was challenged and he felt safe.

At first this scared Bright and while he still hadn't gotten used to it

He didn't mind as much now.

"Yeah, I'm just kinda trying to put my stuff away....I mean....yeah"

Bright sheepishly gestured to the colossal mess he'd made of his room.

Despite Bright's new found comfortiblity with William, he still didn't know exactly how to interact with him.

Bright's almost bashful nature made William smile as he held back a giggle.

"Well that's good"

There was a moment of silence between the two that felt.....awkward.

William coughed.

"Well I'm glad your settling in, but admittedly, I didn't just come in here to check on you"

Bright raised an eyebrow as he waited for him to continue.

"You know that later on tonight I plan on getting the whole clan together for a meeting, and that during that meeting I intend on informing them of....you, but until then I will be out for a meeting with a friend, I'll introduce you tonight, Vincent and his partner will be making preparations for the solstice and Fred, Sam and his mate are staying at their cabin

So what I'm trying to say is-"

"Ill be home alone for the day?"

William gave Bright a smile that looked almost....painful...?

Like he was being stabbed but didn't want to cause a scene.

"Weeelll...not exactly-"

At that moment, the door he had left partially ajar, swung open to reveal somone Bright had only heard cautionary tales of

Alexis.

Alexis was a tall, pale woman. Her hair covered one eye and had a gentle curl. The eye that reminded seen was sharp and silver, not unlike William's, however while his eyes shined with a warm comforting glow, her gase was cold and penetrating, as if looking at her was the equivalent of being stabbed with ice.

Bright felt several chills shoot through him. He felt like he was being tazered.

William sighed as his excruciating smile dropped.

"Bright, this is Alexis, you and her will be the only ones in the Manor tonight"

Bright's head turned towards William as he shot him a look of pleading confusion.

"Alexis, this is Bright eyes"

The eyebrow that was visible raised

"So THIS is Sam's little underling?"

She looked Bright up and down

"Yeah, that tracks"

Alexis didn't know about Bright being taken in by William, that snarky comment alone confirmed that, which did make Bright feel a little smug, but that didn't mean he appreciated the audacity of this b*tch.

He scowled at her

She scowled back

And for a moment the two just stood there unblinking, scowling at each other.

William was glad that no one present could mind read particularly well, as they would both be able to hear him breathe out the words

"Give me strength!...actually no, if whatever cosmic force that is out there gave me strength, these two would be dead......give me patience!"

He breathed in heavily as his smile from before returned to his face.

"Well I better be off! Please have the Manor still standing by the time I get back!"

Before Bright could protest he "woodshed" out the room.

And he was left alone.

With the woman who turned the man who turned the boy who turned him.

A convoluted and yet overly simplistic way to put it

But it wasn't an inaccurate description.

Luckily, Bright had years of experience dealing with snobby older sisters so he took a moment to compose himself after the initial shock of coming face to face with the resident solaire clan's scapegoat.

And simply said.

"Look, I have a lot of unpacking to do and you seem like you have better things to do than babysit me so why don't you get out of my room and go do whatever it is you do when left unsupervised?"

Alexis scoffed and folded her arms as she leaned against the door frame.

"I'm sorry, YOUR room? What? Is Sam's cabin not good enough for you kid?"

Every word she said felt like it was being spat out at Bright.

He smirked.

"Aww well I'm sure you'd love to have an open invitation there~ but I personally can't think of anything worse than being stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with Sam and my maker, so I'm gonna stay here and unpack, thanks"

She looked flabbergasted that this kid she had only just met could muster up the courage to speak to her with such audacity.

But she wasn't about to let Sam's progeny get under her pearl-like skin.

So after what looked like her swallowing her rage, she brushed it off and retreated into the darkness of the hallway.

Bright chuckled softly to himself as he went back to his boxes.

She is certainly in for a suprise later tonight.

So will everyone else but Bright felt more smug about this one.

He didn't know anything about alexis, he could admit that.

All he knew was what she did, not who she was.

That and he knew what everyone thought of her.

Which prompted him to label her as the resident scapegoat.

Exept that's what HE had always been.....in every family he'd ever incorporated himself into, he was the scapegoat.

If he took that away from her when he became William's progeny.....what would she have left?

Or would she continue to play her part despite him?

If that would be the case then....what would he be?

These thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of.....music?

More specifically a piano, exept it was.....off

The tempo was too fast which caused the pianist to constantly slip up and hit the keys all at once in frustration.

While the Manor did give the impression that it was haunted, Bright could safely assume that the culprit for such musical crimes was alexis.

Part of him wanted to go downstairs to shut her up.

There was a lot of the Manor that he still hadn't seen anyway so this could be an opportunity for exploring.

But another part of him reminded him that his curios nature was what got him here in the first place....

Then he said "f*k it, you can't die twice!"

And went searching for the location of the instrument who's screams of pain echoed through the whole Manor.

While searching, he made a note of the decor that dawned the halls of the Manor.

It all looked....tacky but also in its own way decadent, as if the whole building was trying too hard NOT to look like a stereotypical vampire Manor.

Paintings, ornaments and various trinkets were dotted around in no particular order.

It was nice to look at, but it distracted Bright from his goal of finding the piano

And frankly he was getting sick of hearing the damn thing!

Or more accurately he was sick of hearing HER play it.

Eventually he finally found it.

The double doors were wide open, as if she wanted her music to reverberate throughout the whole Manor.

Bright stuck his head through the doorway and saw that not only was there a piano but also various instruments covered with white cloth and dust.

It was safe to assume that this was a music room.

Alexis still hadn't noticed Bright standing there in the doorway, gazing in awe at the room's beauty.

Bright decided to approach her, though she still remained engrossed in her frustrating attempt at playing.

Bright leaned against the piano as somthing dawned on him.

If alexis is supposed to be this big bad vampire then she must be like....SUPER OLD.

So how long had she been playing a song that she simply can't play?

He decided to find an answer to that question.

"How long have you been playing that thing?"

This sudden announcement of his arrival made alexis jump, which caused her to hit the keys with both hands again.

"God f*king damn it! What? What is it!? What do you want?!"

Once again she gave the impression that her words tasted bad and as such she wanted to spit them out.

But Bright was unfazed.

He just put himself back in the mindset of having an older sister.

"Didn't you hear me? I said 'HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING THAT THING?"

She hardened her gase.

Before answering, she hesitated.

"More years than you've been alive, kid"

Bright scoffed and did his best to hold back a full belly laugh.

"Damn you've been playing this thing for YEARS and thats the best you can do? How much longer will it take for you to realise that mabye this just...isn't for you?"

Bright felt as if he was poking a bear.

She shot him a look of unbridled fury, the red tint of her eye located around her sharp iris grew as she rose from her chair, causing it to topple over.

"If you think you can do better than be my guest!"

Bright went in front of the piano nonchalantly and began to play the opening to "bat out of hell" a notoriously hard piano solo.

Alexis was flabbergasted and enraged.

Bright turned his head towards her once he had finished playing.

"You know....it really doesn't matter how long you play it for....its about the tempo, the skill and most importantly you have to actually enjoy playing it! I mean arnt you tried of playing this old thing and not getting any better at it? Are you playing it cos you enjoy it or cos you've been playing it for so long that you've forgotten how to play anything else?...."

He got no answer from this.

Consider this bear poked and pissed off.

Bright saw her face go dark and knew that he needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

Once one if his step sisters made the same face at him after he was caught reading her diary.

Bright still has the scar even after death.

"Weeeelll anyway I have some more unpacking to do so I better--!!"

Before he could get away, he was cut off by alexis pulling him back by his hair.

She spun around allowing herself to be infront of him as she pulled him down across the piano

Bright struggled but she was strong, very strong.

She had him pinned, the keys wincing in pain as his body slowly hit them as his head was pulled backwards.

"G-get of me!"

Alexis found herself almost pitting him.

"Shut up. I don't know what your....deal is, but for some reason William has taken a liking to you, despite you being Sam's progeny. I have an idea of what's going on but I really don't want to belive it. Now I sincerely hope that what I think is happening isn't happening. I mean why on earth would William want a washed up, snarky, bratty disrespectful little sh*t when he already has me and Vincent?"

Bright's face dropped into a scowl.

By this point he had stopped struggling.

"But in any case, if you are going to be William's next project then I guess we'll be seeing more of eachother, so tell me.....

What do you think of me? Your Sammy's progeny so I'm sure you've heard all about me hmm? I'm sure you think you've got me all figured out....well? Answer me"

Bright knew when it was his turn to talk.

But he took a moment to look her in the eye

Just to get used to the feeling.

Then he began.

"You know....maybe everything that everyone says about you is right

Mabye you are just a selfish b*tch that couldn't have what she wanted so she decided to take it

By force.

But if all that is true....then....then why dosnt everyone treat Freddy the way they treat you?"

Bright looked down as he said this, as if it actively hurt to say while looking her in the eyes.

Alexis was confused upon hearing this.......then she understood.

Once she did, she loosened her grip on him and backed away, allowing him to get up from the piano.

She studied his face for a moment then her expression hardened.

"Listen to me kid. I did what I did to Sam because I wanted him. It's up to you to decide wether or not the way I get treated around here as a result of that is fair.

But what Freddy did to you wasn't out of malice or selfishness.

It was out of fear.

Because you where, and now will always be, a couple of scared kids who had no idea what they where doing"

Bright couldn't tell if this was supposed to be words of comfort or torment.

Either way he didn't agree with her.

So ge continued to scowl at her.

"I do think the way you're treated is fair. What isn't fair is that if turning without consent is supposed to be this big taboo then why isn't Fred treated the same way you are!?.....what's with the double standard huh?"

Alexis looked bored and fed up with whatever this conversation was.

She had said her piece.

So she left.

Bright was alone in the dusty, dark music room.

He went over to the white sheets and whipped them off, each revealing a new instrument.

One of them was a slightly piano.

It was white as opposed to the burgundy one alexis seemed to obess over.

He smiled softly, then went back over to the piano stool to pick it up.

He dragged it over to the slightly larger white piano and once he was sat down he began to play.

The sound reverberated through the Manor just as it did before.

Exept the music was less harsh and more melancholy and oddly comforting.

Alexis heard it.

Her face sofend for a moment.

Then she shook it off.

Taggs: @darlin-collins @anexistingexistence @you-think-i-care-mate

#alexis apologists please dont interact #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted bright eyes #redacted william #redacted alexis #ok just one more punk progeny won't hurt~

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thelasttimeyoueversawme · 4 years ago

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agave, cactus and key lime!

Thank you beeeee 💜

Agave: what’s your favorite time of day?

Mid afternoon when the sun is bright and you can feel the warmth on your face

Cactus: how would you describe the last photo you’ve taken?

Silly! I took a screenshot of me and my sister making funny faces on ft

Key lime: do you have a quirky catch phrase?

I don’t think so? I do say awesome a LOT though maybe I should steal the nickname captain awesome!

#thanks for asking #also bee slowmotiondoublevison is iconic but I miss uhh I mean #and anyone if you get my reference to chuck please interact

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wellofdean · 2 years ago

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So... CONTEXT. Lots of yelling about it in the last episode of The Winchesters, which I am going to keep referring to as Deanception: Into the Deanverse.

For my money, Dean (and his vessel, the adorably shameless fanfic producer better known as Jankles, long may he reign) is recontextualising the end of Supernatural to reveal/create a version of events that makes more sense and more importantly, is more meaningful. I don't remember where I read it, but Jankles himself is not a finale DENIER per se -- he accepts that Dean's stupid death is part of the story -- but he is a finale HATER. He acknowledges that it happened, but he hates it and (100% rightly) thinks it was a shitty, ignominious end to 15 years of story, to which I can only say…

U THINK??????

Like, my theory is that either there was some shit going on on the DL that we did not know about and which would recalibrate what happened, or Dean is time-travelling to retcon the whole thing to recreate his fate, which is apparently a thing I've heard you can do, if the millions of times someone who was a narrative mirror for Dean said it on The Winchesters last week is to be believed. So basically, either we have all been missing a bit of vital context, or Dean needed to make some contextual adjustments to transform it into less of a shit sandwich... or maybe both: there are things we don't know that happened AND Dean is time-travelling from heaven to retcon his life and change his fate.

And seriously, I don't need to tell anyone hereabouts that there are just a lot of things that just simply DO NOT COMPUTE about the end of Supernatch, which make me think there is some missing context -- like, a plan or an existing romance, or some things that happened that we were not privvy to that Jankles is simply shoving into the cracks. I mean... for example:

First and foremost, why was every minute of the finale as fucking terrible as it is humanly possible to make a thing? Did ANYONE involved in that actually think it was acceptable? I doubt it.

Why was everyone's fate like, THE OPPOSITE of what they wanted and deserved? Why did every single character's fate simply ERASE their road so far?

Am I really expected to believe that Dean never did anything to get Cas back? That Jack never asked about it? That Dean told Jack and Sam "He's gone" and they were like... Cool. Whatevs, man. I mean... we already know that Jack CAN (and DID!) bring Cas back from the Empty.

Are you telling me seriously that Dean gets to heaven, and Heavenly Bobby is all, "Yeah, so Cas helped Jack renovate heaven" and like, he just found that out? How does Dean die on a piece of rebar however long after the end of Chuck not knowing Cas is not rotting in the Empty???

Am I supposed to believe that when heavenly Dean supposedly finds out Cas is not in the empty, that he just nods and goes for a fucking drive listening to Kansas on a loop until Sam arrives??? BECAUSE IF SO, FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY. AND YOUR HORSE.

I feel like there's a lot to work with, and a lot of cracks to patch up. I am looking forward A LOT to how The Winchesters eradicates the dishevelment of literally the worst finale in the history of television. And, I have this delightful, thrilling feeling that it's not about going BACK for Dean, but going forward from wherever he is now, as whatever he is now, into a fate of his own making, and really, can that even begin to happen without Cas?

OMG, SO EXCITING.

BTW, if you want to talk yell about this to another person, ME TOO!! PLEASE INTERACT!! Let's hear all your theories!!

#spnwin #the winchesters #jensen ackles #i love your fanfic #carry on sir!#deanception #into the deanverse #you say 'retcon' like its a BAD thing #Please #retcon my ass daddy

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parkersbliss · 5 years ago

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Press Week | T. Holland

Pairing: Tom Holland X Famous!Actress!Reader

Warnings: no-no words maybe?? sexual innuendo, lots of fluff, lost of dialogue, a lot of 1D references but you probably won’t see them

WC; 3K

synopsis: just three times you and Tom were too adorable during press week

a/n: I had too much fun with this, tbh these are all based of actual interviews so don’t come for me

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

—

"I'm Tom Holland."

"That does not sound like me!" Tom protests, mock offense displayed on his face.

"You're right, you're right, my bad. Okay, let me try again," You said, coughing you slap your chest a few times. "I'm Tom Holland!" You said using your best British accent and high pitched voice.

Tom smacks his lips together, rolling his eyes, "And I'm (Y/N) (L/N)!" He said, making sure to do an over the top impression of you.

"And we're answering the internet!" You announced, lifting a jar full of paper slips to the camera. You pull out the first piece of paper, reading it over yourself, thinking over an answer before saying it out loud, "What's your guy's go-to date night?"

You and Tom both look at each other before turning back toward the camera, "Netflix and cuddles."

"Not chill," You clarified, "this is a family-friendly show, Netflix and cuddles."

"Although," Tom objects, "sometimes we chill," he winks at the camera. You slap his arm for the comment and he yelps in pain, "Kidding!"

"Moving on." You hand the jar to Tom and he rummages around a bit before pulling out a random slip of paper.

"What's the worse feeling in the world?"

You pause, tapping your chin as you think. "Oh! Do you know when you're like really excited to get an apple and you go and get it and you're expecting it to be all crisp, juicy and sweet and instead you bite into it and it's kind of soft and a bit dry?"

Tom bursts out laughing next to you, burying his head in his hands as his body shakes with laughter, "oh my god, I love you," He spoke.

"I love you too?" You said although it came as more of a question. You weren't quite sure why Tom was laughing so hard, you were being serious.

He gathers his composure, wiping a few tears from his eyes, "Okay, so now that my girlfriend gave her ridiculous answer."

"It's not ridiculous! You asked and I answered," You interrupted, crossing your arms. Tom rolls his eyes, patting your knee gently.

"The worse feeling in the world for me does not have to do with food," He makes sure to give you the side-eye at the comment, "It’s when (Y/N) gets mad and I'll tell her to 'calm down, baby' I made that mistake once and I never will again."

You nod your head, giving the camera a serious look and pointing a finger, "Seriously don't tell your girlfriend or boyfriend that or they will strangle you."

"I've experienced it firsthand," Tom backs you up, "It's not my preferred method to be choked."

The whole room goes silent and you can feel your cheeks burning up in embarrassment at his comment, of all the things that come out of his mouth he had to say that? Tom glances at you, scratching the back of his neck, he mumbles a sorry and quickly hands you the jar of paper. You’re quick to pull out another question to change topics, "I simp for Tom's biceps any day."

Tom wiggled his eyebrows, flexing his muscles at the camera and you giggle, wrapping an arm around the muscle, "Honestly, me too."

Tom smirks, flexing a bit more and you gasp, making dramatic camera motions as he goes.

"What's the next question, lovie?" he asked.

You dig into the jar pulling out a slip, "How can I die for Tom Holland without being dramatic?"

Tom blushes, letting out a soft chuckle, before looking down at his converse and back toward the camera, "I don't know, maybe just don't die for me?"

You pat Tom's shoulder, flashing an apologetic smile at the camera, "Sorry, he gets flustered easily."

Tom scoffs, swatting your hand away, "do not."

You quirk an eyebrow at him, but say no more and read the next question to yourself, laughing.

Tom looks over your shoulder, before you fold the paper up again, "What? What is it?"

"How can I be (Y/N)'s new boyfriend?"

"Absolutely not!" Tom screams, ripping the paper from your hand, crushing it as you laugh, almost falling off your seat.

"She is perfectly happy with me!" He huffed, chucking the piece of paper offset as you continue to giggle next to him.

"Position already filled," You told the camera, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Tom's cheek.

"I think I’ll be picking the next question." Tom takes the jar from you and pulls out the next one, "If you guys could date anyone else in the world, without offending the other, who would it be?"

"Louis Tomlinson," You said, not missing a beat. At the same time, Tom says, "I wouldn't."

"oh shit," You giggle, biting your lip as you look to Tom.

His mouth falls open as he tosses the paper aside, "Of all the people and you pick my favorite member of One Direction?"

"Well, he's your favorite for a reason, no?" You counter.

"The man's got great hair, I won't lie. He's funny as hell, but I'd like to think my girlfriend prefers me than an ex-boy band member."

"It was a hypothetical question," You reassure him before adding, "but Louis if you're watching this my number is-"

Tom slaps a hand over your mouth, "Don't even think about it."

You stare at Tom, looking back down at his hand and he catches on quickly, "babe," he warns.

You giggle before licking his hand and he retracts it quickly, wiping it down, "Babe," He whines as you laugh.

"We're very professional," You point toward the camera, smirking as Tom continues to wipe his hand on his jeans.

"That's why they put us in this interview together," Tom said, still wiping his hand.

"Anyway," You take the jar back from Tom. "While my boyfriends freaking out because I licked his hand and I literally kissed him this morning, let's move on to the next question." You slip your hand in the jar, mixing up the paper a bit before picking out a random one, "PLEASE bring back the bed selfies."

Tom laughs, "See here's the thing, I would, truly, but (Y/N) doesn't like when I post myself shirtless and I quote, 'looking like perfect boyfriend material.'"

You scoff, "Priorities, Tom, Priorities. I'll let you post them when I get to be cuddled in your chest as well."

Tom shrugs, looking into the camera, "that can be arranged."

...

"We have some very special guests here with us today," The host said, causing all the fans to clap and cheer. "You might know him as the fishbowl man, but ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jake Gyllenhaal!"

The crowd claps as Jake jogs onto the stage, he stands arms open as he accepts their applause. He makes a more motion with his hands, to which the fans obey. He laughs, taking a bow as he takes his seat on the far end of the table.

"Next up we have the man, the legend, the one who plays your favorite sixteen year old from Queens, Mr. Tom Holland!!"

The crowd loses their mind as Tom strolls onto the stage, he stands, blushing, mouthing thank you as he bows repeatedly, blowing a kiss to the crowd while flexing a muscle. He takes his place next to Jake, tapping his microphone, "I'd like everyone to give a warm welcome to our other new member, you may know her as Eva Rose, but to us, we call her (Y/N) (L/N) or as I like to say, my lovely girlfriend," he winks.

The fans cheer, clapping and screaming as you take the stage. You smile, waving back at them and blowing a kiss, doing a little shimmy to your seat, where Tom pulls you down for an innocent kiss that makes the fan scream.

"I'd like to welcome our next guest, my best friend, and a walking goddess Zendaya!" You said into the mic. She struts onto stage, doing a little twirl as the fans cheer. She waves, grinning as she bows and takes her place next to you.

"And finally, we have, everyone's favorite, the only reason you want to see this movie, Jacob Batalon!" Tom grinned, waving his best mate on stage. Jacob runs on, fanning himself in mock excitement, laughing as he takes the last seat.

"Hey, guys! How is everyone?" The interviewer asks.

"We're good!" Tom said, waving to all the fans, "happy to be here."

"So this your second movie and obviously the cast has changed a bit, can you tell us what it was like working with them?"

Tom nods his head, looking toward Zendaya and Jacob, "Um, I think it was a really cool experience working with (Y/N) and Jake. It was kind of surreal to be working with such big names in the business, ya know? I met the love of my life on set too, so that was kind of a big plus."

You shrug, leaning into the mic, "it was just a big plus, that's all it was."

"Trust me, you didn't want to be on set when (Y/N) wasn't around. All Tom would do is gush about her for hours on end. I thought my ears were going to fall off," Zendaya pipes up, laughing as Tom goes red in the face.

"He got the girl, didn't he?" Jake asked.

You nod your head, "I think he did, not quite sure."

Tom swings his arm over your shoulder, "No I definitely did."

You look up at him, taking the chance to press a quick kiss to his lips and he hugs you a bit closer. Jake rolls his eyes as Jacob and Zendaya fake gag.

"You should've seen them on set, it was horrific."

The interviewer laughs, "I assume that means you guys have some embarrassing stories to tell?"

"Plenty."

The interviewer goes around asking questions about the movie-making process, filming, stories from the set, and questions from fans. You unscrewed the lid to your water bottle, taking a sip and Tom uses the opportunity to gently tilt it upwards, causing more water to come out. You cough, wiping down the water that drips down your chin as you glare at Tom. He smirks, giving you a coy smile and you have to resist the urge to slap it right off his face. A few fans had noticed the interaction and were pointing to you two, giggling. You lean over, whispering in Tom's ear, "I'm going to get you back for that."

He turns toward you, covering his mic, "I'd like to see you try."

"If you could play any other character, who would you want to play?" The interviewer asks.

Tom uncovers his mic, leaning in to answer, "Um, I think I'd like to play-"

You poke him in his cheek and he turns his head toward you, "yes?"

"Nothing carry on."

"As I was saying I think I'd like-"

You poke him again.

"Babe."

"Nothing."

He continues speaking and this time you let him go a bit longer before yet again, poking him in his cheek, this time he continues, swatting your hand away, only restoring in you poking him more as he continues to try and speak.

"I'm sorry," Tom said, "My girlfriend is making it very hard to answer."

You smile sweetly, "No one cares what you have to say anyway. I'd love to play MJ."

Zendaya laughs, "I'd like to play maybe... Shuri could be a lot of fun."

The interviewer moves on to some fan questions, handing them mics so they could talk to you.

"Hi my name is Isaac," One of them said.

"Hi, Isaac!" You all chorused.

"I'd like to first say I love you, (Y/N)."

You place a hand on your hear, "I love you more."

Isaac laughs, cheeks tinted a fair shade of pink.

"Seriously," You add.

Tom sits beside you, pointing to himself, giving the audience a quizzical look, "look like she's moved on already," He pouts.

You roll your eyes, "I'm sorry, Isaac. Tom's quite clingy."

Tom grabs your hand in his as if to prove your point. He kisses your hand softly.

Isaac chuckles, "my question is, do you ever get jealous of Tom and Jake's marriage?"

Jake bursts out laughing, slamming his fist down on the table as he regains his composure, "That was the best question ever."

"Um, no, no, I don't get jealous. It's hard to when you're just the side chick," You replied.

Tom's head is buried in his hands as he and Jake laugh.

"See what I mean? There was never a competition, Jake already won."

...

Tom held a small bin in his hand, full of tiny slips of paper, "So it's like charades, but with words?"

The interviewer nods, "Right, so there's something on the paper and you have to describe it without saying anything on the card, you have five minutes."

"I can do that," Tom muses, "can we start?"

The interviewer nods and Tom pulls out the first piece of paper, reading it to himself, Your first date.

"Um, it was you and me," Tom starts, "we were on set, in my trailer and we ordered some crappy pizza-"

"Our first date?" You asked. Tom nods throwing the paper away.

"I thought the pizza was quite nice," You mumbled.

Tessa

Tom makes a barking noise, not even looking up from the paper as you immediately said, Tessa.

Tom breaking his nose

"Okay, this happened to me once on set this year. It has to do with my facial structure, it happens more often then I'd like."

"Face fillers!" You said.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. I've done this about three times, it normally involves blood and bruises, the directors hate when it happens..."

You think about it for a bit, staring at Tom's face, "Oh, you breaking your nose!"

He nods, grabbing the next paper. (Y/N)'s iconic premiere look.

"You do break it a lot, your poor nose."

He shrugs, "'s fine now, hospitals work magic."

"It's actually my kisses that heal his nose," You corrected.

Tom nods his head, smiling up at you, "Okay, um, my girlfriend, she went to a thing and was dressed in like a-"

"My red carpet look?"

He crushes the paper, "You did look gorgeous, lovie."

"I know."

"I don't know why I even bother with compliments."

First kiss

Tom thinks about it for a bit, before tapping his lips gently and holding up his pointer finger. You tilt your head to the side, before leaning in to kiss him softly. You pull back only for Tom to grab the back of your neck and bring your lips against his again.

"Wasn't asking for a kiss, baby, but I won't complain."

"What is it then?"

He taps his lips again, "We were on set, having a funny face competition and you made a duck face and I thought you wanted to do a thing and so I did a thing."

You burst out laughing, "our first kiss?"

Tom grins, cheeks dusted pink, "yeah."

He grabs another piece of paper, Tom spoiling movies.

"Marvel hates me because of this."

"You spoiling movies."

(Y/N)'s strange love for apples

"We were in an interview and I asked a question and you immediately replied with the most ridiculous answer ever-"

"Apples."

When (Y/N) stepped on a snake

Tom laughs, taking a minute to calm down as he remembers the vivid memory, "We were in Australia, on our way back from the beach and there was an ssssss."

You stare at Tom as he does an impression of a snake, making a hissing noise and moving his hands and head in a (what you assumed) was a slithering motion. If you were being honest, you knew exactly what the card said but you quite liked Tom doing an impression of a snake, "when I stepped on a snake."

He snaps his fingers, "yes!"

"In my defense, the snake was the same color as the sidewalk and It didn't make any noise, but uh, it was pretty scary, it hissed and I ran."

"I've never seen her run so fast in her life," Tom added, "I almost couldn't keep up with her."

Tom's fear of spiders

"It's ironic, I'm terrified of what I am."

"Your fear of spiders."

He pulls the next card, "You for some reason think this guy is better than me-"

"Shawn Mendes? Harrison? Niall Horan? Dylan O'Brien?" You list off on your fingers.

Tom hides his face in his hands, "oh my god."

"Oh! It's Jacob!"

"I don't know why I bother with you."

You giggle, grabbing one of his hands to hold, squeezing it gently, "Is it Louis Tomlinson?"

He tosses the paper to the side and you kiss his cheek, "I only think he's hotter."

"Gee thanks, babe."

"I love you," You whispered, making a kissy face. He sighs, leaning in to press your lips together, noses brushing.

"M'kay, sure you do," He mumbled, grabbing the last few pieces of paper.

"You guys have five seconds left," The interviewer announces, startling you both.

Tom blinks, looking down at the few pieces of paper in his hands, "I shouldn't even bother, should I?"

You shake your head no and he looks to the interviewer who gives him a thumbs up to keep going.

"My best mate, he went to go get us something and he came back and managed to make a mess."

"That's extremely vague, but I'm guessing when Harrison spilled coffee all over himself?" You inquired, Tom tosses the paper in which you take a sign that you were right.

Tom nods, grabbing the last piece of paper. He gets down on one knee, gently taking your hand in his.

"Oh! You and Jake’s marriage."

He nods, getting back up and sitting next to you. He tosses the now empty bin behind him.

“Man, you’re so lucky to be married to such an amazing guy.”

Tom shrugs, smirk playing on his lips, “I guess he’s alright, would’ve preferred someone else though.”

You gasp, bringing a hand in front of your mouth, clearly displaying the diamond ring on your finger. Tom looks at it, shrugging as he turns to face the camera. You wink, blowing a kiss, making sure the diamond reflected in the light, “oh really, who’s the lucky person?"

Tom winks, holding up your interlocked hands, two rings set on each, "Who knows?"

— End —

🏷 Tom Holland Taglist: @honeybittersweet @cams-lynn @runway-to-my-aid @peterspideyy @yoinkyourheart @t-monosapiens-h @hollandsamor @quaksonhehe @imanativeofswlondondahling @jillanaholland @keenmarvellover @lexysclubhouse

strike through- can’t tag you

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland headcanon #tom holland drabble #tom holland blurb #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker imagine #peter parker oneshot #peter parker x you

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chaoticpuff17 · 5 years ago

Text

A Dangerous Game

part 7

masterlist

Kim Namjoon. That was the name of the devil. This was the information that they had wanted her to find. How ironic that she had it only after it was too late to do anything with it. She wanted nothing more than to call the police force and scream the information to the high heavens, to tell them where she was, who he was. More than that she wanted to go home. She wished she had never come her at all.

“At least it’s better than RM.” She huffed bitterly under her breath wrapping her arms around herself in her some semblance of comfort although it really wasn’t all that comforting.

“You should get used to it, jagi.” He hummed looking quite pleased with himself. “You are the lady of the house now.”

Her head shot up at that gazing at him with eyes wide and fearful. “The what?” she whispered hoping she had misheard him.

“The lady of the house.” He repeated smiling at her as though there was nothing wrong with the current situation. She could name a hundred things that were wrong with the situation she had found herself in. Her chief concern was RM, Kim Namjoon. “That is what the staff have been referring to you as.” He explained picking up his cup to sip at his tea.

Her brow furrowed in thought thinking back to her interactions with Miss In. “Bu-in.” she murmured contemplatively. “Is that what that means?” she nearly shrieked jumping up from her seat in a panic.

“Sit down, jagi.” He barked giving her a stern look. “You’re still recovering. All this upset isn’t good for you. Drink your tea.”

She glared at him wanting nothing more than to launch the tea cup at his head, but thought better of it choosing instead to sit down and glare at him from her seat. How could he go from barking at her to cooing over her health in less than a minute? She had called him insane before, but maybe he actually was.

“The tea, jagiya.” He reminded elegantly motioning towards the cup she had left sitting on the coffee table untouched since it had first been handed to her. “It’ll make you feel better.” He encouraged as though he had any right to care about her wellbeing when he was the one who had put her in this mess.

“Don’t act like you care.” She scoffed harshly.

“I care very much what happens to you.” He refuted taking another sip of his tea, infuriatingly calm.

Her eyes narrowed as she hissed at him. “Bullshit. You don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself.”

A frown marred his features pulling down the corners of his mouth as his eyes lost their warmth and sharpened back into the cold calculating expression she was used to. “I don’t appreciate your tone, jagi.” He tutted shaking his head slowly as though he was disappointed in her. “You’ve already tested my patience once today. Let’s not do it again.”

The warning was clear. Behave or suffer the consequences. So she picked up the cup and took a sip allowing the ginger tea to warm her from the inside out and settle her rolling stomach.

“I forgave your lapse of judgement earlier, but I won’t allow such disrespect in my house, Y/N.” his entire body radiated dominance as he spoke, watching her with those cold dark eyes. “There are rules here, even for the lady of the house.”

“I’m not the lady of this or any house.” She hissed through gritted teeth allowing the anger to seep into her tone. “I’m not your god damn wife.”

He smiled. She hated that smile. Nothing good ever followed it. It was cold and cruel, predatory in nature. “You and I both know that in this world the legal trivialities don’t matter. If I’ve claimed you as my woman, then by the laws of our world, you are as good as my wife. No one can touch you here.”

“Except for you.”

“Except for me.” He agreed pleased by her understanding of her place in this new twisted world he had thrown her into. “Let’s go over the rules shall we, jagi?” His tone was suddenly cheery giving her whiplash. “Unfortunately your little stunt will have consequences.” He tutted though they both knew he didn’t have any real remorse for anything he was about to do. “I can’t have you throwing yourself out windows or causing harm to yourself or the staff. Until you’ve adjusted you’ll be confined to these rooms.” He announced watching with a gleam in his eye as she stiffened. “They were prepared with you in mind, jagi.”

She couldn’t stop herself from scoffing. “I don’t give a flying fuck who you prepared the rooms for.”

“Language!” he barked shooting her a harsh glare. “I will not have my wife swearing.”

“I’m not your wife!” she shrieked gripping the tea cup tightly in her hands debating whether or not it would be worth it to chuck the porcelain at his head. The look on his face told her it wouldn’t be. As satisfying as it would be, she couldn’t afford to incur his wrath any more than she had in the past few hours.

“Y/N.” She didn’t like that tone. She didn’t like how patronizing it was. “Watch your tone.” He warned. “You are the lady of this house now, but I am still its master. If you behave I can give you a very good life, Y/N. And if you don’t I can make your life very miserable.” It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise. “Now be a good girl and listen to what I tell you.” God how she wanted to slap the smirk right off his face.

She clenched her jaw but made no move to do or say anything else. “Until you can be trusted not to be a danger to yourself or others you will remain here. The staff is, of course, at your disposal, but they will not help any of you with any ill-conceived escape attempts. They are nothing if not loyal to this house.” She nodded slowly, and he seemed content that she understood and was listening. “Once I’m satisfied that you’ve… adjusted, you’ll be allowed free reign of the house and the gardens. You will not be allowed outside the estate without my supervision, though I suspect you won’t be ready for that privilege for a long time.”

The look he sent her was pitying, and it did nothing but make her skin crawl. They both knew that he held no pity for her. He was more than pleased to have her settled within the confines of the estate. Marcus had been a controlling and vile man, but he had never actually locked her away from the world. This was a new form of torture even for her.

“You are a rare bird, and I enjoy your fire, but I will not condone the same behavior I saw today. You will not swear. You will behave in a way that befits the lady of this house. And you will never lie to me. Do you understand me, jagiya?” He asked leveling her with a hard stare. “I’ve already told you that any more of your ill-conceived attempts at freedom will result in punishment. Oh!” He paused as though a thought had just come into his head. “The windows. I’ll be having them sealed until sure you won’t try to throw yourself out of them again. I’d prefer not to put bars on them, but I will if I have to.” He warned, and she knew he meant it. No more window themed escapes for her.

“Don’t fret, jagi.” He cooed getting up and strolling around the coffee table to kneel in front of taking her hands in both of his. His hands dwarfed hers. “You’ll be well taken care of here. I even have a gift for you.”

“What more could you possibly do to me?” She spat trying to pull her hands away from his, but his grip tightened preventing her from doing so.

“I haven’t done anything yet, jagi.” There was that smile again. It would have been such a warm expression if only it could reach his eyes, but those remained cold and hard. “I have no intentions of hurting you.”

“I doubt that very much.” She huffed trying once more to pull her hands from his though the effort was futile.

He took one of his hands away to reach for something on the coffee table, a little black box that had previously escaped her notice, and her eyes widened at the sight of it. The box was opened to reveal a ring nestled against the velvet. It was large and glinted wickedly in the light. The center stone rested proudly in a nest of smaller diamonds that ringed it in sharp contrast all tied together in a silver band. The black diamond shimmering in the middle reminded her rather sickeningly of his eyes. They were both dark and cold.

“What is this for?” She asked eyes the piece of jewelry suspiciously. “Please… please don’t tell me this is meant to be a wedding ring.”

He smiled at her again, this time the expression reached his eyes, and she wasn’t sure which expression was worse. The cold hollow smiles seemed to suit him. They were unnerving and dangerous, but they suited him. This smile held a genuine fondness to it that was far more disconcerting. It suggested that somewhere in that twisted head he actually cared for her, and that was far more terrifying than any anger he could show her.

“Of all the jewelry I plan to give you, jagi, this is the most important.” He explained carefully, removing the ring from its box and taking her limp left hand in his. “This ring is never to leave your finger.” He slipped the offending jewelry onto her finger keeping her hand tucked between both of his. “And I do mean never, Y/N. You won’t like the consequences of if it does.”

“What are the consequences?” She whispered her eyes transfixed on the stone that now weighed down her finger.

He hummed contemplatively reaching up a hand to tilt her chin up so that she was looking at him. That retched smile was still there accompanied by those damned dimples. “I won’t hurt you, Y/N. I’m not a man who takes pleasure in beating his woman like some savage, but I have other ways of punishing you, rest assured. I went to a lot of trouble to bring you here. I won’t have you harmed while you’re under my care.”

She huffed out a laugh bordering on the hysteric as she moved her head away from his hand. “I’m sure the great RM had so much trouble kidnapping one foreign girl.”

“You will call me Namjoon, never RM, not to you.” The correction was emphatic as though it offended him to hear her call him by that name any longer. “You are after all for all intents and purposes, Mrs. Kim.”

“No.” The word came out as a whisper. She shot up from her seat breaking away from him to pace in front of the fireplace ignoring the nausea and light headedness the sudden motion caused. “No!” She was more frantic now. “You can’t… you can’t…” She had stopped pacing a rush of dizziness going through her causing her to lean on the fireplace for support as she swayed on her feet.

“Y/N.” Concern colored his features as he slowly rose to his feet. “Y/N, come sit down.” He held out a hand to her trying to convince her to come back to the sofa.

“You can’t just… just…”

He watched horrified as the color drained from her face, her eyes wide, blinking in an attempt to banish the black dots that spotted her vision. And in the next moment she dropped crumpling like a rag doll as she did.

part 8

#bts #bts fic #yandere bts #namjoon #namjoon x reader #mafia namjoon #yandere namjoon #rm #rm x reader #mafia #mafia au #dark romance #soft yandere

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holyhellpod · 4 years ago

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Holy Hell: 3. Metanarrativity: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship? aka the analysis no one asked for.

In this ep, we delve into authorship, narrative, fandom and narrative meaning. And somehow, as always, bring it back to Cas and Misha Collins.

(Note: the reason I didn’t talk about Billie’s authorship and library is because I completely forgot it existed until I watched season 13 “Advanced Thanatology” again, while waiting for this episode to upload. I’ll find a way to work her into later episodes tho!)

I had to upload it as a new podcast to Spotify so if you could just re-subscribe that would be great! Or listen to it at these other links.

Please listen to the bit at the beginning about monetisation and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to message me here.

Apple | Spotify | Google

Transcript under the cut!

Warnings: discussions of incest, date rape, rpf, war, 9/11, the bush administration, abuse, mental health, addiction, homelessness. Most of these are just one off comments, they’re not full discussions.

Meta-Textuality: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship?

In the third episode of Season 6, “The Third Man,” Balthazar says to Cas, “you tore up the whole script and burned the pages.” That is the fundamental idea the writers of the first five seasons were trying to sell us: whatever grand plan the biblical God had cooking up is worth nothing in face of the love these men have—for each other and the world. Sam, Bobby, Cas and Dean will go to any lengths to protect one another and keep people safe. What’s real? What’s worth saving? People are real. Families are worth saving.

This show plugs free will as the most important thing a person, angel, demon or otherwise can have. The fact of the matter is that Dean was always going to fight against the status quo, Sam was always going to go his own way, and Bobby was always going to do his best for his boys. The only uncertainty in the entire narrative is Cas. He was never meant to rebel. He was never meant to fall from Heaven. He was supposed to fall in line, be a good soldier, and help bring on the apocalypse, but Cas was the first agent of free will in the show’s timeline. Sam followed Lucifer, Dean followed Michael, and John gave himself up for the sins of his children, at once both a God and Jesus figure. But Cas wasn’t modelled off anyone else. He is original. There are definitely some parallels to Ruby, but I would argue those are largely unintentional. Cas broke the mold.

That’s to say nothing of the impact he’s had on the fanbase, and the show itself, which would not have reached 15 seasons and be able to end the way they wanted it to without Cas and Misha Collins. His back must be breaking from carrying the entire show.

But what the holy hell are we doing here today? Not just talking about Cas. We’re talking about metanarrativity: as I define it, and for purposes of this episode, the story within a story, and the act of storytelling. We’re going to go through a select few episodes which I think exemplify the best of what this show has to offer in terms of framing the narrative. We’ll talk about characters like Chuck and Becky and the baby dykes in season 10. And most importantly we’ll talk about the audience’s role, our role, in the reciprocal relationship of storytelling. After all, a tv show is nothing without the viewer.

I was in fact introduced to the concept of metanarrativity by Supernatural, so the fact that I’m revisiting it six years after I finished my degree to talk about the show is one of life’s little jokes.

I’m brushing off my degree and bringing out the big guns (aka literary theorists) to examine this concept. This will be yet another piece of analysis that would’ve gone well in my English Lit degree, but I’ll try not to make it dry as dog shit.

First off, I’m going to argue that the relationship between the creators of Supernatural and the fans has always been a dialogue, albeit with a power imbalance. Throughout the series, even before explicitly metanarrative episodes like season 10 “Fan Fiction” and season 4 “the monster at the end of this book,” the creators have always engaged in conversations with the fans through the show. This includes but is not limited to fan conventions, where the creators have actual, live conversations with the fans. Misha Collins admitted at a con that he’d read fanfiction of Cas while he was filming season 4, but it’s pretty clear even from the first season that the creators, at the very least Eric Kripke, were engaging with fans. The show aired around the same time as Twitter and Tumblr were created, both of which opened up new passageways for fans to interact with each other, and for Twitter and Facebook especially, new passageways for fans to interact with creators and celebrities.

But being the creators, they have ultimate control over what is written, filmed and aired, while we can only speculate and make our own transformative interpretations. But at least since s4, they have engaged in meta narrative construction that at once speaks to fans as well as expands the universe in fun and creative ways. My favourite episodes are the ones where we see the Winchesters through the lens of other characters, such as the season 3 episode “Jus In Bello,” in which Sam and Dean are arrested by Victor Henriksen, and the season 7 episode “Slash Fiction” in which Dean and Sam’s dopplegangers rob banks and kill a bunch of people, loathe as I am to admit that season 7 had an effect on any part of me except my upchuck reflex. My second favourite episodes are the meta episodes, and for this episode of Holy Hell, we’ll be discussing a few: The French Mistake, he Monster at the end of this book, the real ghostbusters, Fan Fiction, Metafiction, and Don’t Call Me Shurley. I’ll also discuss Becky more broadly, because, like, of course I’ll be discussing Becky, she died for our sins.

Let’s take it back. The Monster At The End Of This Book — written by Julie Siege and Nancy Weiner and directed by Mike Rohl. Inarguably one of the better episodes in the first five seasons. Not only is Cas in it, looking so beautiful, but Sam gets something to do, thank god, and it introduces the character of Chuck, who becomes a source of comic relief over the next two seasons. The episode starts with Chuck Shurley, pen named Carver Edlund after my besties, having a vision while passed out drunk. He dreams of Sam and Dean larping as Feds and finding a series of books based on their lives that Chuck has written. They eventually track Chuck down, interrogate him, and realise that he’s a prophet of the lord, tasked with writing the Winchester Gospels. The B plot is Sam plotting to kill Lilith while Dean fails to get them out of the town to escape her. The C plot is Dean and Cas having a moment that strengthens their friendship and leads further into Cas’s eventual disobedience for Dean. Like the movie Disobedience. Exactly like the movie Disobedience. Cas definitely spits in Dean’s mouth, it’s kinda gross to be honest. Maybe I’m just not allo enough to appreciate art.

When Eric Kripke was showrunner of the first five seasons of Supernatural, he conceptualised the character of Chuck. Kripke as the author-god introduced the character of the author-prophet who would later become in Jeremy Carver’s showrun seasons the biblical God. Judith May Fathallah writes in “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural” that Kripke writes himself both into and out of the text, ending his era with Chuck winking at the camera, saying, “nothing really ends,” and disappearing. Kripke stayed on as producer, continuing to write episodes through Sera Gamble’s era, and was even inserted in text in the season 6 episode “The French Mistake”. So nothing really does end, not Kripke’s grip on the show he created, not even the show itself, which fans have jokingly referred to as continuing into its 16th season. Except we’re not joking. It will die when all of us are dead, when there is no one left to remember it. According to W R Fisher, humans are homo narrans, natural storytellers. The Supernatural fandom is telling a fidelitous narrative, one which matches our own beliefs, values and experiences instead of that of canon. Instead of, at Fathallah says, “the Greek tradition, that we should struggle to do the right thing simply because it is right, though we will suffer and be punished anyway,” the fans have created an ending for the characters that satisfies each and every one of our desires, because we each create our own endings. It’s better because we get to share them with each other, in the tradition of campfire stories, each telling our own version and building upon the others. If that’s not the epitome of mythmaking then I don’t know. It’s just great. Dean and Cas are married, Eileen and Sam are married, Jack is sometimes a baby who Claire and Kaia are forced to babysit, Jody and Donna are gonna get hitched soon. It’s season 17, time for many weddings, and Kevin Tran is alive. Kripke, you have no control over this anymore, you crusty hag.

Chuck is introduced as someone with power, but not influence over the story, only how the story is told through the medium of the novels. It’s basically a very badly written, non authorised biography, and Charlie reading literally every book and referencing things she should have no knowledge of is so damn creepy and funny. At first Chuck is surprised by his characters coming to life, despite having written it already, and when shown the intimidating array of weapons in Baby’s trunk he gets real scared. Which is the appropriate response for a skinny 5-foot-8 white guy in a bathrobe who writes terrible fantasy novels for a living.

As far as I can remember, this is the first explicitly metanarrative episode in the series, or at least the first one with in world consequences. It builds upon the lore of Christianity, angels, and God, while teasing what’s to come. Chuck and Sam have a conversation about how the rest of the season is going to play out, and Sam comes away with the impression that he’ll go down with the ship. They touch on Sam’s addiction to demon blood, which Chuck admits he didn’t write into the books, because in the world of supernatural, addiction should be demonised ha ha at every opportunity, except for Dean’s alcoholism which is cool and manly and should never be analysed as an unhealthy trauma coping mechanism.

Chuck is mostly impotent in the story of Sam and Dean, but his very presence presents an element of good luck that turns quickly into a force of antagonism in the series four finale, “Lucifer Rising”, when the archangel Raphael who defeats Lilith in this episode also kills Cas in the finale. It’s Cas’s quick thinking and Dean’s quick doing that resolve the episode and save them from Lilith, once again proving that free will is the greatest force in the universe. Cas is already tearing up pages and burning scripts. The fandom does the same, acting as gods of their own making in taking canon and transforming it into fan art. The fans aren’t impotent like Chuck, but neither do we have sway over the story in the way that Cas and Dean do. Sam isn’t interested in changing the story in the same way—he wants to kill Lilith and save the world, but in doing so continues the story in the way it was always supposed to go, the way the angels and the demons and even God wanted him to.

Neither of them are author-gods in the way that God is. We find out later that Chuck is in fact the real biblical god, and he engineers everything. The one thing he doesn’t engineer, however, is Castiel, and I’ll get to that in a minute.

The Real Ghostbusters

Season 5’s “The real ghostbusters,” written by Nancy Weiner and Erik Kripke, and directed by James L Conway, situates the Winchesters at a fan convention for the Supernatural books. While there, they are confronted by a slew of fans cosplaying as Sam, Dean, Bobby, the scarecrow, Azazel, and more. They happen to stumble upon a case, in the midst of the game where the fans pretend to be on a case, and with the help of two fans cosplaying as Sam and Dean, they put to rest a group of homicidal ghost children and save the day. Chuck as the special guest of the con has a hero moment that spurs Becky on to return his affections. And at the end, we learn that the Colt, which they’ve been hunting down to kill the devil, was given to a demon named Crowley. It’s a fun episode, but ultimately skippable. This episode isn’t so much metanarrative as it is metatextual—metatextual meaning more than one layer of text but not necessarily about the storytelling in those texts—but let’s take a look at it anyway.

The metanarrative element of a show about a series of books about the brothers the show is based on is dope and expands upon what we saw in “the monster at the end of this book”. But the episode tells a tale about about the show itself, and the fandom that surrounds it.

Where “The Monster At The End Of This Book” and the season 5 premiere “Sympathy For The Devil” poked at the coiled snake of fans and the concept of fandom, “the real ghostbusters” drags them into the harsh light of an enclosure and antagonises them in front of an audience. The metanarrative element revolves around not only the books themselves, but the stories concocted within the episode: namely Barnes and Demian the cosplayers and the story of the ghosts. The Winchester brothers’s history that we’ve seen throughout the first five seasons of the show is bared in a tongue in cheek way: while we cried with them when Sam and Dean fought with John, now the story is thrown out in such a way as to mock both the story and the fans’ relationship to it. Let me tell you, there is a lot to be made fun of on this show, but the fans’ relationship to the story of Sam, Dean and everyone they encounter along the way isn’t part of it. I don’t mean to be like, wow you can’t make fun of us ever because we’re special little snowflakes and we take everything so seriously, because you are welcome to make fun of us, but when the creators do it, I can’t help but notice a hint of malice. And I think that’s understandable in a way. Like The relationship between creator and fan is both layered and symbiotic. While Kripke and co no doubt owe the show’s popularity to the fans, especially as the fandom has grown and evolved over time, we’re not exactly free of sin. And don’t get me wrong, no fandom is. But the bad apples always seem to outweigh the good ones, and bad experiences can stick with us long past their due.

However, portraying us as losers with no lives who get too obsessed with this show — well, you know, actually, maybe they’re right. I am a loser with no life and I am too obsessed with this show. So maybe they have a point. But they’re so harsh about it. From wincestie Becky who they paint as a desperate shrew to these cosplayers who threaten Dean’s very perception of himself, we’re not painted in a very good light.

Dean says to Demian and Barnes, “It must be nice to get out of your mom’s basement.” He’s judging them for deriving pleasure from dressing up and pretending to be someone else for a night. He doesn’t seem to get the irony that he does that for a living. As the seasons wore on, the creators made sure to include episodes where Dean’s inner geek could run rampant, often in the form of dressing up like a cowboy, such as season six “Frontierland” and season 13 “Tombstone”. I had to take a break from writing this to laugh for five minutes because Dean is so funny. He’s a car gay but he only likes one car. He doesn’t follow sports. His echolalia causes him to blurt out lines from his favourite movies. He’s a posse magnet. And he loves cosplay. But he will continually degrade and insult anyone who expresses interest in role play, fandom, or interests in general. Maybe that’s why Sam is such a boring person, because Dean as his mother didn’t allow him to have any interests outside of hunting. And when Sam does express interests, Dean insults him too. What a dick. He’s my soulmate, but I am not going to stop listening to hair metal for him. That’s where I draw the line.

Where “the monster at the end of this book” is concerned with narrative and authorship, “the real ghostbusters” is concerned with fandom and fan reactions to the show. It’s not really the best example to talk about in an episode about metanarrativity, but I wanted to include it anyway. It veers from talk of narrative by focusing on the people in the periphery of the narrative—the fans and the author. In season 9 “Metafiction,” Metatron asks the question, who gives the story meaning? The text would have you believe it’s the characters. The angels think it’s God. The fandom think it’s us. The creators think it’s them. Perhaps we will never come to a consensus or even a satisfactory answer to this question. Perhaps that’s the point.

The ultimate takeaway from this episode is that ordinary people, the people Sam and Dean save, the people they save the world for, the people they die for again and again, are what give their story meaning. Chuck defeats a ghost and saves the people in the conference room from being murdered. Demian and Barnes, don’t ask me which is which, burn the bodies of the ghost children and lay their spirits to rest. The text says that ordinary, every day people can rise to the challenge of becoming extraordinary. It’s not a bad note to end on, by any means. And then we find out that Demian and Barnes are a couple, which of course Dean is surprised at, because he lacks object permanence.

This is no doubt influenced by how a good portion of the transformative fandom are queer, and also a nod to the wincesties and RPF writers like Becky who continue to bottom feed off the wrong message of this show. But then, the creators encourage that sort of thing, so who are the real clowns here? Everyone. Everyone involved with this show in any way is a clown, except for the crew, who were able to feed their families for more than a decade.

Okay side note… over the past year or so I’ve been in process of realising that even in fandom queers are in the minority. I know the statistic is that 10% of the world population is queer, but that doesn’t seem right to me? Maybe because 4/5 closest friends are queer and I hang around queers online, but I also think I lack object permanence when it comes to straight people. Like I just do not interact with straight people on a regular basis outside of my best friend and parents and school. So when I hear that someone in fandom is straight I’m like, what the fuck… can you keep that to yourself please? Like if I saw Misha Collins coming out as straight I would be like, I didn’t ask and you didn’t have to tell. Okay I’m mostly joking, but I do forget straight people exist. Mostly I don’t think about whether people are gay or trans or cis or straight unless they’ve explicitly said it and then yes it does colour my perception of them, because of course it would. If they’re part of the queer community, they’re my people. And if they’re straight and cis, then they could very well pose a threat to me and my wellbeing. But I never ask people because it’s not my business to ask. If they feel comfortable enough to tell me, that’s awesome. I think Dean feels the same way. Towards the later seasons at least, he has a good reaction when it’s revealed that someone is queer, even if it is mostly played off as a joke. It’s just that he doesn’t have a frame of reference in his own life to having a gay relationship, either his or someone he’s close to. He says to Cesar and Jesse in season 11 “The Critters” that they fight like brothers, because that’s the only way he knows how to conceptualise it. He doesn’t have a way to categorise his and Cas’s relationship, which is in many ways, long before season 15 “Despair,” harking back even to the parallels between Ruby and Cas in season 3 and 4, a romantic one, aside from that Cas is like a brother to him. Because he’s never had anyone in his life care for him the way Cas does that wasn’t Sam and Bobby, and he doesn’t recognise the romantic element of their relationship until literally Cas says it to him in the third last episode, he just—doesn’t know what his and Cas’s relationship is. He just really doesn’t know. And he grew up with a father who despised him for taking the mom and wife role in their family, the role that John placed him in, for being subservient to John’s wishes where Sam was more rebellious, so of course he wouldn’t understand either his own desires or those of anyone around him who isn’t explicitly shoving their tits in his face. He moulded his entire personality around what he thought John wanted of him, and John says to him explicitly in season 14 “Lebanon”, “I thought you’d have a family,” meaning, like him, wife and two rugrats. And then, dear god, Dean says, thinking of Sam, Cas, Jack, Claire, and Mary, “I have a family.” God that hurts so much. But since for most of his life he hasn’t been himself, he’s been the man he thought his father wanted him to be, he’s never been able to examine his own desires, wants and goals. So even though he’s really good at reading people, he is not good at reading other people’s desires unless they have nefarious intentions. Because he doesn’t recognise what he feels is attraction to men, he doesn’t recognise that in anyone else.

Okay that’s completely off topic, wow. Getting back to metanarrativity in “The Real Ghostbusters,” I’ll just cap it off by saying that the books in this episode are more a frame for the events than the events themselves. However, there are some good outtakes where Chuck answers some questions, and I’m not sure how much of that is scripted and how much is Rob Benedict just going for it, but it lends another element to the idea of Kripke as author-god. The idea of a fan convention is really cool, because at this point Supernatural conventions had been running for about 4 years, since 2006. It’s definitely a tribute to the fans, but also to their own self importance. So it’s a mixed bag, considering there were plenty of elements in there that show the good side of fandom and fans, but ultimately the Winchesters want nothing to do with it, consider it weird, and threaten Chuck when he says he’ll start releasing books again, which as far as they know is his only source of income. But it’s a fun episode and Dean is a grouchy bitch, so who the holy hell cares?

Season 10 episode “fanfiction” written by my close personal friend Robbie Thompson and directed by Phil Sgriccia is one of the funniest episodes this show has ever done. Not only is it full of metatextual and metanarrative jokes, the entire premise revolves around fanservice, but in like a fun and interesting way, not fanservice like killing the band Kansas so that Dean can listen to “Carry On My Wayward Son” in heaven twice. Twice. One version after another. Like I would watch this musical seven times in theatre, I would buy the soundtrack, I would listen to it on repeat and make all my friends listen to it when they attend my online Jitsi birthday party. This musical is my Hamilton. Top ten episodes of this show for sure. The only way it could be better is if Cas was there. And he deserved to be there. He deserved to watch little dyke Castiel make out with her girlfriend with her cute little wings, after which he and Dean share uncomfortable eye contact. Dean himself is forever coming to terms with the fact that gay people exist, but Cas should get every opportunity he can to hear that it’s super cool and great and awesome to be queer. But really he should be in every episode, all of them, all 300 plus episodes including the ones before angels were introduced. I’m going to commission the guy who edits Paddington into every movie to superimpose Cas standing on the highway into every episode at least once.

“Fan Fiction” starts with a tv script and the words “Supernatural pilot created by Eric Kripke”. This Immediately sets up the idea that it’s toying with narrative. Blah blah blah, some people go missing, they stumble into a scene from their worst nightmares: the school is putting on a musical production of a show inspired by the Supernatural books. It’s a comedy of errors. When people continue to go missing, Sam and Dean have to convince the girls that something supernatural is happening, while retaining their dignity and respect. They reveal that they are the real Sam and Dean, and Dean gives the director Marie a summary of their lives over the last five seasons, but they aren’t taken seriously. Because, like, of course they aren’t. Even when the girls realise that something supernatural is happening, they don’t actually believe that the musical they’ve made and the series of books they’re basing it on are real. Despite how Sam and Dean Winchester were literal fugitives for many years at many different times, and this was on the news, and they were wanted by the FBI, despite how they pretend to be FBI, and no one mentions it??? Did any of the staffwriters do the required reading or just do what I used to do for my 40 plus page readings of Baudrillard and just skim the first sentence of every paragraph? Neat hack for you: paragraphs are set up in a logical order of Topic, Example, Elaboration, Linking sentence. Do you have to read 60 pages of some crusty French dude waxing poetic about how his best friend Pierre wants to shag his wife and making that your problem? Read the first and last sentence of every paragraph. Boom, done. Just cut your work in half.

The musical highlights a lot of the important moments of the show so far. The brothers have, as Charlie Bradbury says, their “broment,” and as Marie says, their “boy melodrama scene,” while she insinuates that there is a sexual element to their relationship. This show never passed up an opportunity to mention incest. It’s like: mentioning incest 5000 km, not being disgusting 1 km, what a hard decision. Actually, they do have to walk on their knees for 100 miles through the desert repenting. But there are other moments—such as Mary burning on the ceiling, a classic, Castiel waiting for Dean at the side of the highway, and Azazel poisoning Sam. With the help of the high schoolers, Sam and Dean overcome Calliope, the muse and bad guy of the episode, and save the day. What began as their lives reinterpreted and told back to them turns into a story they have some agency over.

In this episode, as opposed to “The Monster At The End Of This Book,” The storytelling has transferred from an alcoholic in a bathrobe into the hands of an overbearing and overachieving teenage girl, and honestly why not. Transformative fiction is by and large run by women, and queer women, so Marie and her stage manager slash Jody Mills’s understudy Maeve are just following in the footsteps of legends. This kind of really succinctly summarises the difference between curative fandom and transformative fandom, the former of which is populated mostly by men, and the latter mostly by women. As defined by LordByronic in 2015, Curative fandom is more like enjoying the text, collecting the merchandise, organising the knowledge — basically Reddit in terms of fandom curation. Transformative fandom is transforming the source text in some way — making fanart, fanfic, mvs, or a musical — basically Tumblr in general, and Archive of our own specifically. Like what do non fandom people even do on Tumblr? It is a complete mystery to me. Whereas Chuck literally writes himself into the narrative he receives through visions, Marie and co have agency and control over the narrative by writing it themselves.

Chuck does appear in the episode towards the end, his first appearance after five seasons. The theory that he killed those lesbian theatre girls makes me wanna curl up and die, so I don’t subscribe to it. Chuck watched the musical and he liked it and he gave unwarranted notes and then he left, the end.

The Supernatural creative team is explicitly acknowledging the fandom’s efforts by making this episode. They’re writing us in again, with more obsessive fans, but with lethbians this time, which makes it infinitely better. And instead of showing us as potential date rapists, we’re just cool chicks who like to make art. And that’s fucken awesome.

I just have to note that the characters literally say the word Destiel after Dean sees the actors playing Dean and Cas making out. He storms off and tells Sam to shut the fuck up when Sam makes fun of him, because Dean’s sexuality is NOT threatened he just needs to assert his dominance as a straight hetero man who has NEVER looked at another man’s lips and licked his own. He just… forgets that gay people exist until someone reminds him. BUT THEN, after a rousing speech that is stolen from Rent or Wicked or something, he echoes Marie’s words back, saying “put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” What does Dean know about subbing, I wonder. Okay I’m suddenly reminded that he did literally go to a kink bar and get hit on by a leather daddy. Oh Dean, the experiences you have as a broad-shouldered, pixie-faced man with cowboy legs. You were born for this role.

Metatron is my favourite villain. As one tumblr user pointed out, he is an evil English literature major, which is just a normal English literature major. The season nine episode “Meta Fiction” written by my main man robbie thompson and directed by thomas j wright, happens within a curious season. Castiel, once again, becomes the leader of a portion of the heavenly host to take down Metatron, and Dean is affected by the Mark Of Cain. Sam was recently possessed by Gadreel, who killed Kevin in Sam’s body and then decided to run off with Metatron. Metatron himself is recruiting angels to join him, in the hopes that he can become the new God. It’s the first introduction of Hannah, who encourages Cas to recruit angels himself to take on Metatron. Also, we get to see Gabriel again, who is always a delight.

This episode is a lot of fun. Metatron poses questions like, who tells a story and who is the most important person in the telling? Is it the writer? The audience? He starts off staring over his typewriter to address the camera, like a pompous dickhead. No longer content with consuming stories, he’s started to write his own. And they are hubristic ones about becoming God, a better god than Chuck ever was, but to do it he needs to kill a bunch of people and blame it on Cas. So really, he’s actually exactly like Chuck who blamed everything on Lucifer.

But I think the most apt analogy we can use for this in terms of who is the creator is to think of Metatron as a fanfiction writer. He consumes the media—the Winchester Gospels—and starts to write his own version of events—leading an army to become God and kill Cas. Nevermind that no one has been able to kill Cas in a way that matters or a way that sticks. Which is canon, and what Metatron is trying to do is—well not fanon because it actually does impact the Winchesters’ storyline. It would be like if one of the writers of Supernatural began writing Supernatural fanfiction before they got a job on the show. Which as my generation and the generations coming after me get more comfortable with fanfiction and fandom, is going to be the case for a lot of shows. I think it’s already the case for Riverdale. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the woman who wrote the bi Dean essay go to work on Riverdale? Or something? I dunno, I have the post saved in my tumblr likes but that is quagmire of epic proportions that I will easily get lost in if I try to find it.

Okay let me flex my literary degree. As Englund and Leach say in “Ethnography and the metanarratives of modernity,” “The influential “literary turn,” in which the problems of ethnography were seen as largely textual and their solutions as lying in experimental writing seems to have lost its impetus.” This can be taken to mean, in the context of Supernatural, that while Metatron’s writings seek to forge a new path in history, forgoing fate for a new kind of divine intervention, the problem with Metatron is that he’s too caught up in the textual, too caught up in the writing, to be effectual. And this as we see throughout seasons 9, 10 and 11, has no lasting effect. Cas gets his grace back, Dean survives, and Metatron becomes a powerless human. In this case, the impetus is his grace, which he loses when Cas cuts it out of him, a mirror to Metatron cutting out Cas’s grace.

However, I realise that the concept of ethnography in Supernatural is a flawed one, ethnography being the observation of another culture: a lot of the angels observe humanity and seem to fit in. However, Cas has to slowly acclimatise to the Winchesters as they tame him, but he never quite fit in—missing cues, not understanding jokes or Dean’s personal space, the scene where he says, “We have a guinea pig? Where?” Show him the guinea pig Sam!!! He wants to see it!!! At most he passes as a human with autism. Cas doesn’t really observe humanity—he observes nature, as seen in season 7 “reading is fundamental” and “survival of the fittest”. Even the human acts he talks about in season 6 “the man who would be king” are from hundreds or thousands of years ago. He certainly doesn’t observe popular culture, which puts him at odds with Dean, who is made up of 90 per cent pop culture references and 10 per cent flannel. Metatron doesn’t seek to blend in with humanity so much as control it, which actually is the most apt example of ethnography for white people in the last—you know, forever. But of course the writers didn’t seek to make this analogy. It is purely by chance, and maybe I’m the only person insane enough to realise it. But probably not. There are a lot of cookies much smarter than me in the Supernatural fandom and they’ve like me have grown up and gone to university and gotten real jobs in the real world and real haircuts. I’m probably the only person to apply Englund and Leach to it though.

And yes, as I read this paper I did need to have one tab open on Google, with the word “define” in the search bar.

Metatron has a few lines in this that I really like. He says:

“The universe is made up of stories, not atoms.”

“You’re going to have to follow my script.”

“I’m an entity of my word.”

It’s really obvious, but they’re pushing the idea that Metatron has become an agent of authorship instead of just a consumer of media. He even throws a Supernatural book into his fire — a symbolic act of burning the script and flipping the writer off, much like Cas did to God and the angels in season 5. He’s not a Kripke figure so much as maybe a Gamble, Carver or Dabb figure, in that he usurps Chuck and becomes the author-god. This would be extremely postmodern of him if he didn’t just do exactly what Chuck was doing, except worse somehow. In fact, it’s postmodern of Cas to reject heaven’s narrative and fall for Dean. As one tumblr user points out, Cas really said “What’s fate compared to Dean Winchester?”

Okay this transcript is almost 8000 words already, and I still have two more episodes to review, and more things to say, so I’ll leave you with this. Metatron says to Cas, “Out of all of God’s wind up toys, you’re the only one with any spunk.” Why Cas has captured his attention comes down more than anything to a process of elimination. Most angels fucking suck. They follow the rules of whoever puts themselves in charge, and they either love Cas or hate him, or just plainly wanna fuck him, and there have been few angels who stood out. Balthazar was awesome, even though I hated him the first time I watched season 6. He UNSUNK the Titanic. Legend status. And Gabriel was of course the OG who loves to fuck shit up. But they’re gone at this stage in the narrative, and Cas survives. Cas always survives. He does have spunk. And everyone wants to fuck him.

Season 11 episode 20 “Don’t Call Me Shurley,” the last episode written by the Christ like figure of Robbie Thompson — are we sensing a theme here? — and directed by my divine enemy Robert Singer, starts with Metatron dumpster diving for food. I’m not even going to bother commenting on this because like… it’s supernatural and it treats complex issues like homelessness and poverty with zero nuance. Like the Winchesters live in poverty but it’s fun and cool because they always scrape by but Metatron lives in poverty and it’s funny. Cas was homeless and it was hard but he needed to do it to atone for his sins, and Metatron is homeless and it’s funny because he brought it on himself by being a murderous dick. Fucking hell. Robbie, come on. The plot focuses on God, also known as Chuck Shurley, making himself known to Metatron and asking for Metatron’s opinion on his memoir. Meanwhile, the Winchesters battle another bout of infectious serial killer fog sent by Amara. At the end of the episode, Chuck heals everyone affected by the fog and reveals himself to Sam and Dean.

Chuck says that he didn’t foresee Metatron trying to become god, but the idea of Season 15 is that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all their lives. When Metatron tries, he fails miserably, is locked up in prison, tortured by Dean, then rendered useless as a human and thrown into the world without a safety net. His authorship is reduced to nothing, and he is reduced to dumpster diving for food. He does actually attempt to live his life as someone who records tragedies as they happen and sells the footage to news stations, which is honestly hilarious and amazing and completely unsurprising because Metatron is, at the heart of it, an English Literature major. In true bastard style, he insults Chuck’s work and complains about the bar, but slips into his old role of editor when Chuck asks him to.

The theory I’m consulting for this uses the term metanarrative in a different way than I am. They consider it an overarching narrative, a grand narrative like religion. Chuck’s biography is in a sense most loyal to Middleton and Walsh’s view of metanarrative: “the universal story of the world from arche to telos, a grand narrative encompassing world history from beginning to end.” Except instead of world history, it’s God’s history, and since God is construed in Supernatural as just some guy with some powers who is as fallible as the next some guy with some powers, his story has biases and agendas. Okay so in the analysis I’m getting Middleton and Walsh’s quotes from, James K A Smith’s “A little story about metanarratives,” Smith dunks on them pretty bad, but for Supernatural purposes their words ring true. Think of them as the BuckLeming of Lyotard’s postmodern metanarrative analysis: a stopped clock right twice a day. Is anyone except me understanding the sequence of words I’m saying right now. Do I just have the most specific case of brain worms ever found in human history. I’m currently wearing my oversized Keith Haring shirt and dipping pretzels into peanut butter because it’s 3.18 in the morning and the homosexuals got to me. The total claims a comprehensive metanarrative of world history make do indeed, as Middleton and Walsh claim, lead to violence, stay with me here, because Chuck’s legacy is violence, and so is Metatron’s, and in trying to reject the metanarrative, Sam and Dean enact violence. Mostly Dean, because in season 15 he sacrifices his own son twice to defeat Chuck. But that means literally fighting violence with violence. Violence is, after all, all they know. Violence is the lens through which they interact with the world. If the writers wanted to do literally anything else, they could have continued Dean’s natural character progression into someone who eschews the violence that stems from intergeneration trauma — yes I will continue to use the phrase intergenerational trauma whenever I refer to Dean — and becomes a loving father and husband. Sam could eschew violence and start a monster rehabilitation centre with Eileen.

This episode of Holy Hell is me frantically grabbing at straws to make sense of a narrative that actively hates me and wants to kick me to death. But the violence Sam and Dean enact is not at a metanarrative level, because they are not author-gods of their own narrative. In season 15 “Atomic Monsters,” Becky points out that the ending of the Supernatural book series is bad because the brothers die, and then, in a shocking twist of fate, Dean does die, and the narrative is bad. The writers set themselves a goal post to kick through and instead just slammed their heat into the bars. They set up the dartboard and were like, let’s aim the darts at ourselves. Wouldn’t that be fun. Season 15’s writing is so grossly incompetent that I believe every single conspiracy theory that’s come out of the finale since November, because it’s so much more compelling than whatever the fuck happened on the road so far. Carry on? Why yes, I think I will carry on, carry on like a pork chop, screaming at the bars of my enclosure until I crack my voice open like an egg and spill out all my rage and frustration. The world will never know peace again. It’s now 3.29 and I’ve written over 9000 words of this transcript. And I’m not done.

Middleton and Walsh claim that metanarratives are merely social constructions masquerading as universal truths. Which is, exactly, Supernatural. The creators have constructed this elaborate web of narrative that they want to sell us as the be all and end all. They won’t let the actors discuss how they really feel about the finale. They won’t let Misha Collins talk about Destiel. They want us to believe it was good, actually, that Dean, a recovering alcoholic with a 30 year old infant son and a husband who loves him, deserved to die by getting NAILED, while Sam, who spent the last four seasons, the entirety of Andrew Dabb’s run as showrunner, excelling at creating a hunter network and romancing both the queen of hell and his deaf hunter girlfriend, should have lived a normie life with a normie faceless wife. Am I done? Not even close. I started this episode and I’m going to finish it.

When we find out that Chuck is God in the episode of season 11, it turns everything we knew about Chuck on its head. We find out in Season 15 that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all along, that everything that happened to them is his doing. The one thing he couldn’t control was Cas’s choice to rebel. If we take him at his word, Cas is the only true force of free will in the entire universe, and more specifically, the love that Cas had for Dean which caused him to rebel and fall from heaven. — This theory has holes of course. Why would Lucifer torture Lilith into becoming the first demon if he didn’t have free will? Did Chuck make him do that? And why? So that Chuck could be the hero and Lucifer the bad guy, like Lucifer claimed all along? That’s to say nothing of Adam and Eve, both characters the show introduced in different ways, one as an antagonist and the other as the narrative foil to Dean and Cas’s romance. Thinking about it makes my head hurt, so I’m just not gunna.

So Chuck was doing the writing all along. And as Becky claims in “Atomic Monsters,” it’s bad writing. The writers explicitly said, the ending Chuck wrote is bad because there’s no Cas and everyone dies, and then they wrote an ending where there is no Cas and everyone dies. So talk about self-fulfilling prophecies. Talk about giant craters in the earth you could see from 800 kilometres away but you still fell into. Meanwhile fan writers have the opportunity to write a million different endings, all of which satisfy at least one person. The fandom is a hydra, prolific and unstoppable, and we’ll keep rewriting the ending a million more times.

And all this is not even talking about the fact that Chuck is a man, Metatron is a man, Sam and Dean and Cas are men, and the writers and directors of the show are, by an overwhelming majority, men. Most of them are white, straight, cis men. Feminist scholarship has done a lot to unpack the damage done by paternalistic approaches to theory, sociology, ethnography, all the -ys, but I propose we go a step further with these men. Kill them. Metanarratively, of course. Amara, the Darkness, God’s sister, had a chance to write her own story without Chuck, after killing everything in the universe, and I think she had the right idea. Knock it all down to build it from the ground up. Billie also had the opportunity to write a narrative, but her folly was, of course, putting any kind of faith in the Winchesters who are also grossly incompetent and often fail up. She is, as all author-gods on this show are, undone by Castiel. The only one with any spunk, the only one who exists outside of his own narrative confines, the only one the author-gods don’t have any control over. The one who died for love, and in dying, gave life.

The French Mistake

Let’s change the channel. Let’s calm ourselves and cleanse our libras. Let’s commune with nature and chug some sage bongs.

“The French Mistake” is a song from the Mel Brooks film Blazing Saddles. In the iconic second last scene of the film, as the cowboys fight amongst themselves, the camera pans back to reveal a studio lot and a door through which a chorus of gay dancersingers perform “the French Mistake”. The lyrics go, “Throw out your hands, stick out your tush, hands on your hips, give ‘em a push. You’ll be surprised you’re doing the French Mistake.”

I’m not sure what went through the heads of the Supernatural creators when they came up with the season 6 episode, “The French Mistake,” written by the love of my life Ben Edlund and directed by some guy Charles Beeson. Just reading the Wikipedia summary is so batshit incomprehensible. In short: Balthazar sends Sam and Dean to an alternate universe where they are the actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who play Sam and Dean on the tv show Supernatural. I don’t think this had ever been done in television history before. The first seven seasons of this show are certifiable. Like this was ten years ago. Think about the things that have happened in the last 10 slutty, slutty years. We have lived through atrocities and upheaval and the entire world stopping to mourn, but also we had twitter throughout that entire time, which makes it infinitely worse.

In this universe, Sam and Dean wear makeup, Cas is played by attractive crying man Misha Collins, and Genevieve Padalecki nee Cortese makes an appearance. Magic doesn’t exist, Serge has good ideas, and the two leads have to act in order to get through the day. Sorry man I do not know how to pronounce your name.

Sidenote: I don’t know if me being attracted aesthetically to Misha Collins is because he’s attractive, because this show has gaslighted me into thinking he’s attractive, or because Castiel’s iconic entrance in 2008 hit my developing mind like a torpedo full of spaghetti and blew my fucking brains all over the place. It’s one of life’s little mysteries and God’s little gifts.

Let’s talk about therapy. More specifically, “Agency and purpose in narrative therapy: questioning the postmodern rejection of metanarrative” by Cameron Lee. In this paper, Lee outlines four key ideas as proposed by Freedman and Combs:

Realities are socially constructed

Realities are constituted through language

Realities are organised and maintained through narrative

And there are no essential truths.

Let’s break this down in the case of this episode. Realities are socially constructed: the reality of Sam and Dean arose from the Bush era. Do I even need to elaborate? From what I understand with my limited Australian perception, and being a child at the time, 9/11 really was a prominent shifting point in the last twenty years. As Americans describe it, sometimes jokingly, it was the last time they were really truly innocent. That means to me that until they saw the repercussions of their government’s actions in funding turf wars throughout the middle east for a good chunk of the 20th Century, they allowed themselves to be hindered by their own ignorance. The threat of terrorism ran rampant throughout the States, spurred on by right wing nationalists and gun-toting NRA supporters, so it’s really no surprise that the show Supernatural started with the premise of killing everything in sight and driving around with only your closest kin and a trunk full of guns. Kripke constructed that reality from the social-political climate of the time, and it has wrought untold horrors on the minds of lesbians who lived through the noughties, in that we are now attracted to Misha Collins.

Number two: Realities are constituted through language. Before a show can become a show, it needs to be a script. It’s written down, typed up, and given to actors who say the lines out loud. In this respect, they are using the language of speech and words to convey meaning. But tv shows are not all about words, and they’re barely about scripts. From what I understand of being raised by television, they are about action, visuals, imagery, and behaviours. All of the work that goes into them—the scripts, the lighting, the audio, the sound mixing, the cameras, the extras, the ADs, the gaffing, the props, the stunts, everything—is about conveying a story through the medium of images. In that way, images are the language. The reality of the show Supernatural, inside the show Supernatural, is constituted through words: the script, the journalists talking to Sam, the makeup artist taking off Dean’s makeup, the conversations between the creators, the tweets Misha sends. But also through imagery: the fish tank in Jensen’s trailer, the model poses on the front cover of the magazine, the opulence of Jared’s house, Misha’s iconic sweater. Words and images are the language that constitutes both of these realities. Okay for real, I feel like I’ve only seen this episode max three times, including when I watched it for research for this episode, but I remember so much about it.

Number three: realities are organised and maintained through narrative. In this universe of the French Mistake, their lives are structured around two narratives: the internal narrative of the show within the show, in which they are two actors on a tv set; and the episode narrative in which they need to keep the key safe and return to their own universe. This is made difficult by the revelation that magic doesn’t work in this universe, however, they find a way. Before they can get back, though, an avenging angel by the name of Virgil guns down author-god Eric Kripke and tries to kill the Winchesters. However, they are saved by Balthazar and the freeze frame and brought back into their own world, the world of Supernatural the show, not Supernatural the show within the show within the nesting doll. And then that reality is done with, never to be revisited or even mentioned, but with an impact that has lasted longer than the second Bush administration.

And number four: there are no essential truths. This one is a bit tricky because I can’t find what Lee means by essential truths, so I’m just going to interpret that. To me, essential truths means what lies beneath the narratives we tell ourselves. Supernatural was a show that ran for 15 years. Supernatural had actors. Supernatural was showrun by four different writers. In the show within a show, there is nothing, because that ceases to exist for longer than the forty two minute episode “The French Mistake”. And since Supernatural no longer exists except in our computers, it is nothing too. It is only the narratives we tell ourselves to sleep better at night, to wake up in the morning with a smile, to get through the day, to connect with other people, to understand ourselves better. It’s not even the narrative that the showrunners told, because they have no agency over it as soon as it shows up on our screens. The essential truth of the show is lost in the translation from creating to consuming. Who gives the story meaning? The people watching it and the people creating it. We all do.

Lee says that humans are predisposed to construct narratives in order to make sense of the world. We see this in cultures from all over the world: from cave paintings to vases, from The Dreaming to Beowulf, humans have always constructed stories. The way you think about yourself is a story that you’ve constructed. The way you interact with your loved ones and the furries you rightfully cyberbully on Twitter is influenced by the narratives you tell yourself about them. And these narratives are intricate, expansive, personalised, and can colour our perceptions completely, so that we turn into a different person when we interact with one person as opposed to another.

Whatever happened in season 6, most of which I want to forget, doesn’t interest me in the way I’m telling myself the writers intended. For me, the entirety of season 6 was based around the premise of Cas being in love with Dean, and the complete impotence of this love. He turns up when Dean calls, he agonises as he watches Dean rake leaves and live his apple pie life with Lisa, and Dean is the person he feels most horribly about betraying. He says, verbatim, to Sam, “Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” And Balthazar says, “You’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” He says this in season 6, and we couldn’t do a fucken thing about it.

The song “The French Mistake” shines a light on the hidden scene of gay men performing a gay narrative, in the midst of a scene about the manliest profession you can have: professional horse wrangler, poncho wearer, and rodeo meister, the cowboy. If this isn’t a perfect encapsulation of the lovestory between Dean and Cas, which Ben Edlund has been championing from day fucking one of Misha Collins walking onto that set with his sex hair and chapped lips, then I don’t know what the fuck we’re even doing here. What in the hell else could it possibly mean. The layers to this. The intricacy. The agendas. The subtextual AND blatant queerness. The micro aggressions Crowley aimed at Car in “The Man Who Would Be King,” another Bedlund special. Bed Edlund is a fucking genius. Bed Edlund is cool girl. Ben Edlund is the missing link. Bed Edlund IS wikileaks. Ben Edlund is a cool breeze on a humid summer day. Ben Edlund is the stop loading button on a browser tab. Ben Edlund is the perfect cross between Spotify and Apple Music, in which you can search for good playlists, but without having to be on Spotify. He can take my keys and fuck my wife. You best believe I’m doing an entire episode of Holy Hell on Bedlund’s top five. He is the reason I want to get into staffwriting on a tv show. I saw season 4 episode “On the head of a pin” when my brain was still torpedoed spaghetti mush from the premiere, and it nestled its way deep into my exposed bones, so that when I finally recovered from that, I was a changed person. My god, this transcript is 11,000 words, and I haven’t even finished the Becky section. Which is a good transition.

Oh, Becky. She is an incarnation of how the writers, or at least Kripke, view the fans. Watching season 5 “Sympathy for the Devil” live in 2009 was a whole fucking trip that I as a baby gay was not prepared for. Figuring out my sexuality was a journey that started with the Supernatural fandom and is in some aspects still raging against the dying of the light today. Add to that, this conception of the audience was this, like, personification of the librarian cellist from Juno, but also completely without boundaries, common sense, or shame. It made me wonder about my position in the narrative as a consumer consuming. Is that how Kripke saw me, specifically? Was I like Becky? Did my forays into DeanCasNatural on El Jay dot com make me a fucking loser whose only claim to fame is writing some nasty fanfiction that I’ve since deleted all traces of? Don’t get me wrong, me and my unhinged Casgirl friends loved Becky. I can’t remember if I ever wrote any fanfiction with her in it because I was mostly writing smut, which is extremely Becky coded of me, but I read some and my friends and I would always chat about her when she came up. She was great entertainment value before season 7. But in the eyes of the powers that be, Becky, like the fans themselves, are expendable. First they turned her into a desperate bride wannabe who drugs Sam so that he’ll be with her, then Chuck waves his hand and she disappears. We’re seeing now with regards to Destiel, Cas, and Misha Collins this erasure of them from the narrative. Becky says in season 15 “Atomic Monsters” that the ending Chuck writes is bad because, for one, there’s no Cas, and that’s exactly what’s happening to the text post-finale. It literally makes me insane akin to the throes of mania to think about the layers of this. They literally said, “No Cas = bad” and now Misha isn’t even allowed to talk in his Cassona voice—at least at the time I wrote that—to the detriment of the fans who care about him. It’s the same shit over and over. They introduce something we like, they realise they have no control over how much we like it, and then they pretend they never introduced it in the first place. Season 7, my god. The only reason Gamble brought back Cas was because the ratings were tanking the show. I didn’t even bother watching most of it live, and would just hear from my friends whether Cas was in the episodes or not. And then Sera, dear Sera, had the gall to say it was a Homer’s Odyssey narrative. I’m rusty on Homer aka I’ve never read it but apparently Odysseus goes away, ends up with a wife on an island somewhere, and then comes back to Terabithia like it never happened. How convenient. But since Sera Gamble loves to bury her gays, we can all guess why Cas was written out of the show: Cas being gay is a threat to the toxic heteronormativity spouted by both the show and the characters themselves. In season 15, after Becky gets her life together, has kids, gets married, and starts a business, she is outgrowing the narrative and Chuck kills her. The fans got Destiel Wedding trending on Twitter, and now the creators are acting like he doesn’t exist. New liver, same eagles.

I have to add an adendum: as of this morning, Sunday 11th, don’t ask me what time that is in Americaland, Misha Collins did an online con/Q&A thing and answered a bunch of questions about Cas and Dean, which goes to show that he cannot be silenced. So the narrative wants to be told. It’s continuing well into it’s 16th or 17th season. It’s going to keep happening and they have no recourse to stop it. So fuck you, Supernatural.

I did write the start of a speech about representation but, who the holy hell cares. I also read some disappointing Masters theses that I hope didn’t take them longer to research and write than this episode of a podcast I’m making for funsies took me, considering it’s the same number of pages. Then again I have the last four months and another 8 years of fandom fuelling my obsession, and when I don’t sleep I write, hence the 4,000 words I knocked out in the last 12 hours.

Some final words. Lyotard defines postmodernism, the age we live in, as an incredulity towards metanarratives. Modernism was obsessed with order and meaning, but postmodernism seeks to disrupt that. Modernists lived within the frame of the narrative of their society, but postmodernists seek to destroy the frame and live within our own self-written contexts. Okay I love postmodernist theory so this has been a real treat for me. Yoghurt, Sam? Postmodernist theory? Could I BE more gay?

Middleton and Walsh in their analysis of postmodernism claim that biblical faith is grounded in metanarrative, and explore how this intersects with an era that rejects metanarrative. This is one of the fundamental ideas Supernatural is getting at throughout definitely the last season, but other seasons as well. The narratives of Good vs Evil, Michael vs Lucifer, Dean vs Sam, were encoded into the overarching story of the show from season 1, and since then Sam and Dean have sought to break free of them. Sam broke free of John’s narrative, which was the hunting life, and revenge, and this moralistic machismo that they wrapped themselves up in. If they’re killing the evil, then they’re not the evil. That’s the story they told, and the impetus of the show that Sam was sucked back into. But this thread unravelled in later seasons when Dean became friends with Benny and the idea that all supernatural creatures are inherently evil unravelled as well. While they never completely broke free of John’s hold over them, welcoming Jack into their lives meant confronting a bias that had been ingrained in them since Dean was 4 years old and Sam 6 months. In the face of the question, “are all monsters monstrous?” the narrative loosens its control. Even by questioning it, it throws into doubt the overarching narrative of John’s plan, which is usurped at the end of season 2 when they kill Azazel by Dean’s demon deal and a new narrative unfolds. John as author-god is usurped by the actual God in season 4, who has his own narrative that controls the lives of Sam, Dean and Cas.

Okay like for real, I do actually think the metanarrativity in Supernatural is something that should be studied by someone other than me, unless you wanna pay me for it and then shit yeah. It is extremely cool to introduce a biographical narrative about the fictional narrative it’s in. It’s cool that the characters are constantly calling this narrative into focus by fighting against it, struggling to break free from their textual confines to live a life outside of the external forces that control them. And the thing is? The really real, honest thing? They have. Sam, Dean and Cas have broken free of the narrative that Kripke, Carver, Gamble and Dabb wrote for them. The very fact that the textual confession of love that Cas has for Dean ushered in a resurgence of fans, fandom and activity that has kept the show trending for five months after it ended, is just phenomenal. People have pointed out that fans stopped caring about Game of Thrones as soon as it ended. Despite the hold they had over tv watchers everywhere, their cultural currency has been spent. The opposite is true for Supernatural. Despite how the finale of the show angered and confused people, it gains more momentum every day. More fanworks, more videos, more fics, more art, more ire, more merch is being generated by the fans still. The Supernatural subreddit, which was averaging a few posts a week by season 15, has been incensed by the finale. And yours truly happily traipsed back into the fandom snake pit after 8 years with a smile on my face and a skip in my step ready to pump that dopamine straight into my veins babeeeeeeyyyyy. It’s been WILD. I recently reconnected with one of my mutuals from 2010 and it’s like nothing’s changed. We’re both still unhinged and we both still simp for Supernatural. Even before season 15, I was obsessed with the podcast Ride Or Die, which I started listening to in late 2019, and Supernatural was always in the back of my mind. You just don’t get over your first fandom. Actually, Danny Phantom was my first fandom, and I remember being 12 talking on Danny Phantom forums to people much too old to be the target audience of the show. So I guess that hasn’t left me either. And the fondest memories I have of Supernatural is how the characters have usurped their creators to become mythic, long past the point they were supposed to die a quiet death. The myth weaving that the Supernatural fandom is doing right now is the legacy that will endure.

References

I got all of these for free from Google Scholar!

Judith May Fathallah, “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural.”

James K A Smith, “A Little Story About Metanarratives: Lyotard, Religion and Postmodernism Revisited.” 2001.

Cameron Lee, “Agency and Purpose in Narrative Therapy: Questioning the Postmodern Rejection of Metanarrative.” 2004.

Harri Englund and James Leach, “Ethnography and the Meta Narratives of Modernity.” 2000.

https://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/mel-brooks-explains-french-mistake-blazing-saddles-blu-ray/

#transcripts #supernatural #supernatural podcast #<60mins #this is first and foremost a podcast about cas and misha collins

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katierosefun · 4 years ago

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so after one really big latte, a muffin, a run which resulted in a near accident with an oncoming car, and a shower in which i contemplated my own mortality, here’s my thoughts on the adorable me & au podcast, because babe wake up new hyperfixation dropped. very spoiler-y, i’m sorry in advance for how f*cking long this is, this might only have like two people reading this but i have many thoughts please listen to this podcast because it’s so cute and i listened to it all in about 2.5 hours?

- firstly: the main character is super relatable. like, scary relatable. meet kate “acunningplan” cunningham, a gal about to enter her senior year of college and just kinda,,,lost. she works as a barista and very confused, very...stuck gal by day, fic writer (and still very stuck gal) by.........not barista hours.

- honestly, i love kate. idk i’m about to enter my senior year of college, and bro i related so hard to her fears of “bro i can’t even think about next week without feeling overwhelmed”. she misses her best friend whitney a lot, who is currently on the other side of the country for an impressive internship. so that can be kinda lonely.

- but fear not, kate has an escape, like so many other fic writers/fandom people: fanfic. this whole story references tumblr without actually naming tumblr (let’s be real....it’s tumblr, from the “notes” to “this stupid app keeps crashing”), and kate follows this tv show about werewolves and supernatural creatures. very gay. only problem is that there’s not a whole ton of people active in the fandom, since this show is relatively new.

- however, in this small fandom, kate meets ella: otherwise known as “hella-enchanted”, who is another fic writer.

- kate is very obsessed with the idea of alternate universes, and for that alone, i love her.

- okay, so even if you’ve never fallen in love with a person online/in fandom circles, i just wanna say that ella and kate’s interactions are still so super relatable. the shooting messages, the starting random conversations and getting a little thrill when you see someone liking your personal post or whatever. it’s very wholesome.

- also, at the end of episode 1, kate goes on about how “yeah, fanfic is kinda odd, but it led me...to you” and it was so soft and gentle you just know your heart is gonna melt huh

- at one point, kate decides to be vulnerable via vent post about something that came up on the show (and oh god yeah i feel...things. kate relates very hard to one character in the tv show she’s following, and tbh,,,yeah. i can’t quite word it right now, but i think anyone who feels kinda.....stuck? would relate.)

- the “EXACTLY ONE PERSON ASKED FOR THIS ESSAY SO HERE IT IS” please

- also oh :’)))) kate talks about ella’s playlists and when i tell you i squeaked a little bit because oh hey--

- anyways lol yes can you relate to like,,,posting a vent post and forgetting to delete it and being mildly horrified (but also mildly touched) when someone actually responds?

- ella’s very sweet, just responds with “seems like one of my favorite fandom people needed a pick-me-up” and :’))) i would die for ella! (i mean, i would die for all the characters)

- okay yes also all the bits where ella and kate scream at each other about fic. very relatable, very real, you can tell that the writers of this podcast really knew this feeling, and i just :’)))

- THE TWO DEBATE OVER TITLES,,,,,kate keeps sending in crack-y titles and also song lyrics, and ella comments on “well,,,i just read this whole wikipedia page, so i think i’ve lost the high ground”, so if y’all KNOW i started laughing at that

- also LMAOOOO the moment when conversation diverts from fic and fandom to slightly more personal things! kate being like “oh,,,,,you have an actual job! like,,,you’re an actual adult and.....how’s that?” and then quickly rambling on via message “actually let me change the topic because that’s probably too personal”...

- okay so there’s this bit where ella drops the fact that she’s never read anne of green gables because “listen,,,,you have an ex-girlfriend who sang the anne of green gables musical all the time--” and kate’s “.......ex-girlfriend? you had an ex-girlfriend? girl--” (and BACKSPACING ALL OF THAT because “god i’m such a freak”)

- much gay disaster

- so much gay disaster

- opportunity for kate and ella to meet irl comes up! at a fan convention! in toronto! (and kate lives in bc). kate’s best friend (remember, internship one?) invited kate over to toronto for this thing anyways, and then ella posts something about “heeeey i’m gonna be in the area so if anyone wants to meet up for the fan convention...”

- let me just say......kate chucking her phone across the room because she freaked out about that. again. very cool, very nicely done, very relatable, etc.

- ALSO,,,,i forget if this was one of kate or ella’s fics or if it was the actual tv show, but there’s this tidbit where the characters in the literal fandom has this conversation:

“don’t waste your time.”

“what?”

“don’t waste your time on me.”

and the way that reflects kate’s feelings-but-she’s-not-trying-to-think-about-it for ella please let me just die here

- okay, so kate does decide to message ella about the meet-up, and let me just tell you, kate’s inner monologue about the worst possibilities for ella’s responses:

“1. no response. which is terrible.

2. you find out you’re not wanted after all. :(((((

3. the most terrifying response of all.......” (an enthusiastic “yes i’m so glad we can meet up!!!”)

- well, of course ella responds with #3.

- gay disaster kate not knowing how to acknowledge her feelings for ella...she goes on this “you don’t wanna come across as....y’know because if they suspect that....y’know.....and like, i don’t....y’know--” oh my god kate

- anyways, kate works at a coffeeshop, right? and her co-worker stewart (nonbinary pansexual co-worker! we love to see the rep!!) being like “oh yeah maybe you can bring over your friend!” and kate panicking because “ohhhhh i’m not too sure about that,,,,she’s,,,,,,,,,busy......” (ie. the awkward moment of having to explain that,,,,,,your online friend isn’t exactly someone you’ve met in real life,,,,,,,,and not sure exactly how to explain that so you just,,,,,,“ohhhh uhhh......y’know...............it’s really hard to.......get her out of.....work.....”

- kate and ella video-chatting for the first time is very cute, very gay. very gay.

- they swap “how’d you know you were gay / liked girls” stories :’)))

- “that’s a cute story!” “you’re a cute story” [awkward silence] “please let me hide under the desk now” (have i mentioned that kate’s a disaster? i love her, but you’re a disaster. we need to be best friends.)

- kate.....describing herself as “irl fanfic disaster waiting to happen” and the whole “i didn’t know we were actually dating until she asked if she could kiss me” lmaoooooooooo (but okay yes this is also a mood? like,,,,,,idk something about heteronormative standards so like,,,,,it’s so stupidly hard to figure out if a girl is flirting with you or if they’re just being nice i am glad kate’s such a disaster)

- in other news: kate’s “how tf do i write a kiss scene i don’t like the word lips ughhhhHHHHH” (yeah, mood kate)

- lmao stewart (kate’s co-worker!) just chilling with kate and being like “oh yeah i figured you had a girlfriend? the one you’re talking about? ella?” and kate blanking because “wait you thought ella was my girlfriend? she’s not....uhhh....” and then later drinking with stewart and rambling about ella and panicking because “what if she realizes i can’t talk about anything except this tv show what if she thinks i laugh too loud what if i have horrific body odor what if she realizes i have NOTHING to say what if our meeting goes SO terribly that i need to deactivate and change my name just so i could like her posts at 3 am” and then her small “please forget i said any of that”

- oh kate :((((

- kate :((((((

- k a t e :(((((((((((((((((((

- anyways, kate does go to toronto.

- meets ella.

- very cute.

- ella...........very gay. they go into a coffeeshop and kate doesn’t know what to do.

- okay but what’s hilarious is that ella,,,,,seems so cool and suave and i too would be kind of intimidated by her but then these two idiots really talk about writing kissing scenes and the build-up and ella’s voice gets all,,,,,,suggestive and there’s this.....awkward gay silence between the two oh my GOD they’re both IDIOTS

- also okay yes kate and whitney, a irl friend, having a heart-to-heart. good. we love that. also, whitney being like “I MISSED YOU!!! YOU IDIOT!!!! and i’m glad you have a new friend, and you’re happy, but I MISSED YOU!!! I HATE THIS CITY AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!!!” (whitney is also very relatable. ily whitney.)

- they’re so cute. they hug, and it’s sweet :’)) also, then kate says in a stupidly small voice “i think i’m....kinda in love with [ella]?” and whitney being best supportive friend--

- OKAY so we finally get an episode of ella’s perspective

- listen, you’re gonna think ella’s this cool, suave person who has all her own gayness put together (i mean, she kinda knew since she was 9 or 10 years old? she’s had a girlfriend? she seems like she has her life together? she’s waiting to get into grad school? she has a job? she just seems....cool and knows what she’s doing).

- but then you realize. ella is just as much a pining mess. (her bullet point list/schedule in her head is so relatable. as someone who uses her notes and reminders app religiously, that was just :’)))

- ella: reasons why this is not a date. and then....kate sends a message. (ella: reason why this....might be a date....kate keeps saying stuff like...that.)

- kate rehearsing how to tell ella that she maybe kinda likes her? very cute. (”you know the feeling in your chest when....uh, you know when you feel like you have a frog in your stomach--oh god not the frog NOT the frog”)

- the love confession is very cute, and also very relatable. “i like you a lot” “i like you too!” “no i mean,,,,like i like you. wait. which like do you mean? wait that’s not english. uh. what did you say?”

- kate’s “I HAD A WHOLE DRAMATIC FANFIC CONFESSION PLANNED OUT”

- kate and ella just spilling everything made me :’)))

- “i like how your brain works” “i made so many posts hoping that you would just talk to me” “you always make me laugh” “you just make me feel...better” “you make me smile”

- “this whole summer you’ve been making me smile and i guess it kind of freaked me out? ...i don’t know where my life is going but if i have a choice, i want to go in any direction you’re going because you are cute and smart and amazing and i like you a lot, ella. like that. so yeah. that’s what i was thinking i’d say.”

- i essentially explaine dthe whole plot but

- i love this podcast a lot

- it was very sweet

- and very cute

- very wlw

- i don’t even mind that i almost got hit by a car while i was running and listening to this it was worth it

- idk. just like. anyone who’s ever read or written fic or just like...not necessarily fallen in love with another person? but at least relating to that feeling of “oh god i am not qualified to talk to this person” and “oh god what if they realize i’m actually,,,,a loser” and “oh god wait how to friend” can probably hit a lot of people

- but that said. the romance was very cute, very sweet, makes me :’)))

- okay i’ll stop talking now but i just. it’s very cute, very relatable, i wish we had a season 2 but i think it’s a limited series. (but they’re living rent free in my head! forever!)

#caroline talks #oh god.......oh god #i'm so sorry for how long this is #but in case you couldn't tell i have literally so many feelings #so many feelings #yo @ me and au creators: thank u for making me feel seen and wanting to cry because of it!#it's beautiful #and very gay #and like idk even if you've never fallen in *love* with a fandom friend i think you can still hardcore relate to this?#just because like......bro there's something..........so soft about this #also.....gay disasters #also really saying 'hey everyone's actually super awkward there's no such thing as being cool and suave'#also just......AGH no someone please scream with me about this #i am going to SCREAM about this forever #i also....once again: feel WAY too seen #like.....WAY too seen #anyways #me & au

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 268: Please Don’t Tap on the Glass

Previously on BnHA: Dabi revealed his true identity to Hawks! His real name is actually [sound of semi truck horns blaring]. What’s that? You didn’t hear me? I said it’s [sound of dolphins chattering]. You really need to listen better. Anyway, so Dabi set Hawks on fire a bunch of times, and Hawks had some flashbacks indicating that Endeavor saved him when he was a small child, and just when it was starting to look like we might get our second tragic death chapter in a row, Tokoyami showed up to defend his mentor! Meanwhile in Jakku, Miruko remembered that even though kicking ass is fun and she’s really good at it, she still had a job to do, so she sped off toward Ujiko’s little hideaway, getting stabbed and impaled a bunch of times along the way and losing an ear and shit (I very much look forward to the cyberpunk robot-limbed Miruko 2.0 that we had better fucking get once this arc is over). Fortunately Endeavor showed up to help her out! Anyway, so absolutely no one was talking about this last week, but the chapter totally ended with Miruko about to bust open Tomura’s bacta tank with a badass roundhouse kick, so, uh. Shit might be about to go down you guys.

Today on BnHA: Shit does indeed go down, but at a very languid pace. Ujiko apparently built Tomura’s holding tank out of Nokia phones and kevlar, so even though Miruko gets a few good kicks in, she ultimately doesn’t do more than just crack it. So now the tank is just standing there leaking ominously while Ujiko sobs for no reason and we all ponder whether or not a 75%-charged Tomura will be any less doom-harbinging than the full-fledged deal. In the meantime we’ve got Girl Noumu thinking strategic thoughts and chucking acid at peeps; Crust still doing absolutely nothing; Endeavor not doing that much better to be honest; and Mic and Aizawa ready and raring to go kill the old man who turned their dead buddy into a sentient Einstein-Rosen bridge. Obviously I’m all in favor of this last bit, but I’m also on team “Mic and Aizawa not dying horribly” though, so. I do have some concerns here.

full disclosure, I’m very sleep-deprived for various reasons related to various things which can be broadly summed up as Just 2020 In General. so anyway, I’m dealing with it, but I’ve noticed that my rate of typos and errors and such has shot waaaaay up in this past week or so, so I’m just putting that out there that you may find some weird shit in this post! maybe I will write the same sentence maybe I will write the same sentence multiple times, or or the same word twice in a row by mistake, or use the completely wrong word. you are more than welcome to point this out and I will not take any offense and will indeed be grateful because I’ve apparently gone blind to it all! anyway so how are you I hope everyone is well

anyway! the chapter is early (god for all I know it’s been out for hours already. HOW FAR BEHIND AM I) so I’m recapping it early so that I will have more time to play Animal Crossing and fish and craft all of my troubles away. speaking of which Horikoshi, you had better not bring me any troubles this week, I am not in the mood do you hear

good fucking lord

is all of that Miruko’s blood??!? god, she’s even better at bleeding than everyone else. now hold up all you excited vampires, you all can get in line, I was here first

by the way Endeavor, I gave you a pass last week because your entrance was so fucking raw and you saved my girl’s life and that was really neat my man. but now that I’ve recovered from my shock and awe and am ready to be sarcastic once more, I just want to say... welcome to the party, guy. did you stop for drive-thru on your commute from the other side of the planet. were you simply not immune to the bizarre 5th dimensional time-stands-still effects of March 2020. are you curious at all how your son has changed during these past 20 years, and by “son” I am referring not to Dabi, but Shouto. are you looking forward to meeting all of Shouto’s children. are you excited to be a granddad. anyway thank you so fucking much for finally making your way down to this lair with all the speed and haste of a federal appeals process

and I see Crust is still fighting this guy after six decades

(ETA: I would be more upset about the scan quality here, but let’s face it, nobody actually cares about seeing this in HD. I’m sorry Crust.)

and we’re really expected to believe this is the very next ranked hero below Miruko. could it be that the hero ranking system is actually flawed. don’t tell me. I’m just as shocked as you are

seriously??

are we really going to stop and chat with Geriatric Hero: Crust over here. really. far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, Number One. but I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure he does still have... let’s just check... one... two... yep, two arms. not that I’m saying your system for prioritizing which of your fellow heroes to help out should be based off of the number of arms they have. but also I am saying that

OH SONNY BOY

is that a two-page panel of Aizawa Hatake Kakashi Shouta and his loyal husband Screaming Man leaping into the fray to take on some high end Noumus with their bad and sexy selves. I think that’s exactly what it is. are we blessed or are we blessed. Aizawa I’m pleased to see you haven’t aged a day and are looking just as fine as ever in this the year 2045

oh wow Endeavor I thought you had incinerated it

why wouldn’t you incinerate it. please incinerate it. did you not learn your lesson. please don’t start taking your cues from Dilly Dally Hero: Crust over here

oh wow

and yet Miruko was kicking all of their asses like they were made of plywood. really though guys. only number five. okay

Aizawa’s shouting that he wasn’t able to erase that last Noumu who was impaling Miruko because his vision was obstructed. that’s okay Aizawa, that’s why Endeavor is hopefully about to incinerate him

oh snap here we go

again, one has to wonder what kinds of interactions with rabbits Horikoshi has had in his troubled young life so as to influence his writing of Miruko’s quirk in such a way. did you at some point get rabbits confused with... I don’t even know. polar bears?! not that I’m fucking complaining holy shit

anyway, so just a friendly reminder that if Miruko dies here I will in fact push the button which triggers the hidden ejector seat built into Horikoshi’s office chair. he will be missed. but he had a good run

ho lyyyyyyy shit

so... Miruko I love you but... then why would you break the fucking vat apart with your moon-powered legs. Miruko. Miruko are you listening. oh shit she’s missing an ear I forgot. oh shit. oh shit

MIRUKO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU JUST KICK THE BALD MAN IN THE LAB COAT INSTEAD goddammit well it’s been nice knowing y’all

well then. so this is happening. this is really happening. at least she saved us all from having to face the 100%-charged world-ending Tomura somewhere down the line. instead all we have to do is face the 74%-charged Tomura right fucking now. so that’s. ...I wonder how Tokoyami is doing

holy shit!

leave it to Girl Noumu to be the smart one. for a minute I thought maybe Ujiko had given her Ragdoll’s long-lost quirk. but then I realized that this isn’t a quirk at all, this is just her being smart and using her Big Noumu Brain. anyway so I’m preemptively sorry for having to root against you, Girl Noumu

so now she’s pondering how to disable Aizawa’s quirk. meanwhile I just remembered that we haven’t seen her quirk yet I think. please let it be something good

oh snap she ran away and made it out of Aizawa’s sight range oh fuck

the fuck is up with this thicc fucking Girl Noumu page I can’t tell wtf is going on

LOL OH SHIT

NOT TO WORRY GUYS SHE’S JUST SHOOTING BIG GIANT GLOBS OF ACID AT EVERYONE. can anyone tell if Endeavor has incinerated this Noumu yet down in the middle panel on the left. what is the fucking holdup

and now there’s a big double page of Miruko shattering Tomura’s Noumu Vat, and I can’t quite tell, but it looks like her eyes might be rolling back in a way which I decidedly do not like

(ETA: nah on closer inspection we’re good.)

didn’t she just do this like four pages ago. and how the hell did Tomura suddenly jump from 74% to 75% in like .2 seconds

oh thank god she’s still awake. but now she’s being dragged back now by the Noumu’s bone appendage things because Endeavor SERIOUSLY CANNOT GET HIS FUCKING ACT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO FUCKING LIGHT ITS BRAIN TO ASHES ALREADY, LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THAT TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FAST AND THE DIFFERENCE A SPLIT SECOND MAKES

Miruko if we make it out of this alive, I’m promoting you to number one. Fatgum will be number two. the only two pro heroes in this arc who have actually impressed me at all. shame on the rest of you. shame

so now somehow or some way Miruko is being flung into Endeavor at the speed of light

I don’t understand this at all. did the Noumu retract those bone whips back into its body superfast while dragging Miruko back with them and somehow it managed to avoid being hit by her projectile body but Endeavor took the impact straight on. this doesn’t make any kind of sense to me with my admittedly rudimentary understanding of physics. but then again it is a fucking manga so I’m not about to call NASA and ask them if this could really happen. so this was a waste of a paragraph I guess!! my bad!!

swear to god this is like the fifth panel of Ujiko just screaming. please just stop. what do you have to be worried about anyway? although if Tomura suddenly went crazy upon awakening and just straight up killed you for no reason, that sure would be delightful! that wouldn’t happen, though. or would it

WHAT IS THIS FUCKING FISH TANK MADE OF

IS THIS A TUBE OF GLASS OR A FUCKING FALLOUT SHELTER

ENDEAVOR I’M GLAD YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT MIRUKO BECAUSE I AM TOO, AND ALSO IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO SEE THAT YOU DO HAVE A HEART, BUT ALSO MAYBE JUST LEAVE HER FOR NOW THOUGH, SERIOUSLY??

though on the other hand it’s already too late to stop this inevitable tide, so maybe at this point they should all just get the fuck out of there instead. at least Miruko did her fucking job and saved you all from having to face the invincible unstoppable version. that’ll be a real comfort to everyone when he’s out laying waste to the countryside, I’m sure. but still

-- oh no

the boys heard that. listen you guys, I want Ujiko to die as much as anyone, but I’m gonna need you to not go anywhere near Shigaraki fucking Tomura now or ever. please. do you hear me?? you two still have both of your ears goddammit I want some acknowledgement

-- NO!!!

(ETA: is that. a fucking Tomura dialogue bubble. something stirs in the east. a sleepless malice. the eyes of the enemy are moving.)

THE MANGA GIVETH AND THE MANGA TAKETH AWAY nooooo from 20 pages last week back down to the usual 17. I got spoiled. I expected too much. sob

so now we settle in to wait two weeks to see if Mic’s piercing tones can shatter this fucking adamantium tank like a wine glass. I’m not sure I’m ready for the Noumuraki Tomuracalpse you guys. then again by this point I’m braced for just about anything though so bring it

#bnha 268 #miruko #mirko #I finally caved and did it both ways #endeavor #aizawa shouta #present mic #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste spoiler recap #makeste reads bnha #happy easter everyone #don't mention it to horikoshi though #he's terrified of rabbits as we all know #they are vicious and unstoppable #so please treat them with respect

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acloudkat · 4 years ago

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Gossip Girl 2.0

So. . . I was unsure of whether I was going to talk about this or not but… in the end, here we are!

I shall be talking about the Gossip Girl Reboot.

Now quick disclaimer and mild *excuse you* to HBO, please find ways to make your content accessible to Europe because there are those of us that are interested and unfortunately your "Max" service is US only and honestly i see no reasonable logic behind it. Therefore my means of getting access to this content shall not be discussed.

Extra disclaimer, there will be spoilers. Doi.

Now I am a big die hard fan of the original GG series and despite the outdated (to today’s standards) comparisons and slang, some of the topics hold up even today. For anyone curious or questioning my opinion, based on my generation, I am mildly in the middle as a Zelenial at 23. I did not grow up with GG, I learned about it when I was 14 but watched it for the first time when I was 19. Since, I have watched it up to 14-17 times; more than 10 for sure. So you can do with that as you please. The main reason I mention this is due to some articles and comments pointing out that maybe it’s a “Gen Z only media” or that “Millennials are just bitter cause it’s not theirs”. Keeping that in mind I will be as per usual showing the ups and downs of the show (so far and later on) from my own personal perspective.

After watching ep 1. (& now 2 which will be in a separate post after this) I have a few questions, comments AND concerns. So let’s get into those shall we :)

So let's do a little round up of our characters.

We have newcomer Zoya Lott that is moving to NYC on a Constance scholarship! But little did anyone in the show know, it was all a plot to get to be with her *half sister*. WHAT?! So the tldl on that is that Zoya and our other main character, Julien Calloway, share a mom! Mom, that i quote "left Julien's dad for Zoya's dad and the dads hate each other" because of which hate, they had absolutely forbidden their daughters from communicating. One thing led to another, a friend request was sent and this is basically the parent trap. . . . but for the kids. . .and they're aware of it cause they made it. . . I suppose? The parents haven't really been mentioned to matter in their plan, however, they do keep bringing up their middle names as "Zoya Jane and Julien Elizabeth" as clues left by their mother? Now some rumours around the web have connected the names to the Pride and Prejudice novels and while that would be extremely Gossip Girl-esque to do, and I am entirely up for that, hell yea!!! I'm wondering if it's as simple as... their mother's name was Elizabeth Jane... but maybe GG will be the one to discover that secret first? Other than that, Zoya is very much a very trusting "innocent type" character that probably has more past than we know about so it will be quite interesting to see how that elaborates going further into the series.

Then there is self-made influencer Julien Calloway. She is the new version of queen at Constance but as stated, they "don't do the patriarchy anymore". While she appears all smiles and kindness, personally i feel as if JC is kind of fake? She has things she cares about yes, but the moment someone or something interferes with her followers and her social standing or Obie (more on him later)

"the gloves come off and the claws come out" - Serena Van der Woodsen

When it comes to Julien I am honestly more curious to see who she is once you take away the followers and the media. Will she be an actual person or just a shallow obsessed spoiled brat? I just hope it won't be the typical story of "have to be perfect and have to have everyone like me because my mom left" ie. has mommy issues. That is how that cliche goes after all. So I am greatly hoping that's not going to be it for this one.

Obie Bergmann! We get introduced to Obie as Julien's boyfriend. Throughout ep 1, the things we learn about Obie are that he is basically the richest in the group, and lives in Dumbo. (irony from original GG for anyone that can guess it). He appears like a super nice and kind dude, a supportive boyfriend, kind of bland and tired of the relationship but the main thing that bothers me about him so far is his impossible to ignore "white guilt syndrome". For anyone unaware, "white guilt" is "remorse or shame felt by a white person with respect to racial inequality and injustice". While it's not a bad thing trying to make up for the in-equality in the world, here's hoping that's not his entire character cus that would get old quick.

Then we have the bestie, Audrey Hope. Audrey. . . is cold but to the point. Very analysing and observing. Definitely the type of character that would take all the info first and decide what to do after. I both like and am confused by her? Her cold mannerisms are quite enjoyable among the masses of drama and emotion I won't lie. However, i do predict a juicy threesome between her, boyfriend Aki and one Max Wolfe. Honestly, I am highly interested in how their relationship evolves.

Aki Menzies is kind of a mystery as of the moment. As to be expected with just 1 episode, we won't know too much about all the characters. He is the very supportive boyfriend that tries to keep the peace between everyone.

Max Wolfe on the other hand appears like the much more flamboyant version of Chuck Bass, if Chuck Bass had a supportive family environment and no limits on who he's dating. That's more or less for him but kuddos for his 0 hesitation to basically have a pic of his dick sent to everyone. I will never not find that hilarious. But again, between these three is my prediction for some juicy interactions. Cause to be fully honest, the chemistry is undeniable.

Monet de Haan. Ah. She is honestly the savage that we need around here. She is the control and the power behind Julien's brand honestly. I am curious how come she helps Julien with her brand rather than have her own? If we go off anything said in the episode, she is more feared than adored so maybe that's why? But Monet honey, fear can also have a following, just . . a different one.

And then there's Luna La, "The stylist" while we don't know much about her, some of her one liners are actively giving me life. Her and Monet are definitely a package deal and i wonder if there is juicier gossip there that we don't know yet.

Lastly, we have our new Gossip Girl. Young teacher, Kate Keller. I won't lie, i did not see us knowing who GG is from the get go. I am however wondering whether this will drag her down to the level of highschoolers (besides the fact that she looks younger than some of them xD) Something that is bothering me in the reboot however, is that technically, characters that represent adults, spying on minors??? Like they even make the point that "i shouldn't have these, i should be in jail" in regards to having almost naked pictures of the kids. Like it's not really okay??? In the original yea no one knew who GG was but they always knew it was someone their age. The teachers didn't care at those times. But they do now and I am not fully sure how okay it is.

And of course, the extras like some of the other teachers behind GG and the parents. We however, don't know too much about them as of now so we shall see soon. If any new characters are introduced they will be addressed but for now, onto the episode!

The half sisters plot is definitely interesting so I would love to know where the whole middle names thing will go. The story line I'm most interested in at the moment however is between Audrey, Max and Aki. I want to see that unwind into something horrendous but then beautiful! It has so much potential in my opinion. In terms of character development however i want to see who Julien is without all of her fame and followers. When the focus is not the media and the attention. I want to see that Julien.

The first episode definitely introduced us to a lot of things at once so far that is my take on them. I'm sure that in the future both the teachers and parents will be a bigger part but one thing is abundantly clear. Unlike the OGGG, there won't be more than maybe 2-3 seasons depending on the ages of the students. The teachers won't follow them onto college will they? Or will things drastically change along the way? It was rather amusing seeing them talk about all the old characters however, and reference the OG Gossip Girl. I am vaguely offended that they categorised twitter as "a glorified chatroom for memes for people over 30". Like dude. . . that hit me hard. I am happy that FB was never even mentioned as existing tho! Cause let's be honest that is not the "hip" thing anymore. But the rules they put down at the party definitely made my head spin. Had to listen to them twice to even get what was happening.

But that's probably enough of me babbling on about this xD If you want to find this on an apparently dying type of media, here's my blog post about it as well lol: https://acloudkat.wordpress.com/?p=960

#gossip girl reboot #gossip girl #reboot #series things

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the-val-in-valhalla · 5 years ago

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I just want to get this off my chest in regards to the salty ass bullshit I witnessed tonight:

Please stop trying to "cancel" cishet people in fandom communities. Please stop.

Yes, it is problematic that some cishet people fetishize queer relationships, and yes it is valid to be frustrated and upset by that. But there is a difference between writing stories about characters who are queer and fetishizing characters who are queer. Please learn that difference.

Just because a story has sex in it and the characters are queer does NOT make it fetishistic. Now please follow along with me here, because this is key: IF YOU REGARD STORIES ABOUT QUEER CHARACTERS WHO HAPPEN TO HAVE SEX TO BE AUTOMATICALLY FETISHISTIC JUST BECAUSE A CISHET PERSON WROTE THEM, YOU ARE PUTTING THOSE QUEER CHARACTERS IN THE POSITION OF SEXUAL "SUBJECT" AS THOUGH IT IS NORMAL TO VIEW THEM THROUGH A LENS OF HETERONORMATIVE OBJECTIVITY. Let's please not other ourselves.

Let me repeat: please understand the difference between a person writing stories about queer characters in which eroticism is involved and a person writing the stories to make queer characters THE OBJECT OF HETEROSEXUAL FETISHISM.

Imagine how ridiculous it would be if a straight person told me I shouldn't write about straight characters. Because here's the thing: the reverse argument DOES apply to me. Some straight person could say to me "hey, you can't write an authentic male or female character because you believe that gender is inherently performative and socially constructed. You don't have the perspective of either a male or female person so you can't write about them." They could also say "hey, you can't write a love story because you're aromantic and you have no frame of reference for it." They could tell me "oh, you don't know what its like to experience sexual attraction the way an allosexual person does." They could say "well you're panlithrosexual- if you do experience sexual attraction, it happens regardless of your partner's gender. So you wouldn't know what its like to look at an opposite-gendered person and be unable to connect with them sexually."

All of these statements would be valid. But you know what? No one says that shit to me. And here's why. Now hang in here with me, because this is important: OUR ARTISTIC PRODUCTION, FANFICTION OR NOT, IS INEVITABILITY INFLUENCED BY OUR LIVED EXPERIENCES. And part of those lived experiences include interpersonal interactions with people of gender identities contrary to our own.

I may not experience romantic attraction, but that does NOT mean I can't write it authentically. Because I grew up with two allo friends who fell in love with each other folding fortune-tellers on our grammar school playground and have been in love ever since. I watched them survive together through hell after hell after hell, and I may not EXPERIENCE the same kind of love, but that doesn't mean I don't know what it is.

I may never look at another person and say to myself "she has just the right amount of muscle, or the sun catches in his hair just perfectly," but I know what the air feels like in the space between two people who want each other, because I have lived with two people who want each other.

When I write characters, I don't write agender, panaroace-spectrum carbon copies of myself. My lived experiences GO INTO those characters. I may have never cried over a breakup, but I've sobbed until I choked over losing a best friend. I won't even notice a person's gender when I meet them, but I'll notice the old Chuck hightops they hand-painted sunflowers onto, or the location of all their freckles, or whether they pick at their fingernails when they're nervous.

So when I write fanfic, some of my characters may look and act like me. But most of them won't. Most of my characters will fall in love the way my friends did, hard and stubbornly, bickering over each other one minute and sneaking off into the kitchen to make out the next. Most of my characters will have at least one gender. Most of my characters will want to fuck each other, and sometimes it will be because they're in love. I often write stories about characters whose identities are completely separate from my own.

I have said all that to say this: no one knows, unless we go and ask, what those individual characters mean to their authors, and no one knows where the inspiration for those characters came from.

Saying a cishet person can't understand what it is like to be queer is accurate. Saying a cishet person can't write a story about characters that are queer is not accurate. If queer people are part of a cishet author's lived experiences, then queer people belong in that cishet author's stories. Period.

You want more representation by queer authors? So does everyone else. Write some fic and throw it out there. When you find queer authors, go hype up their fics. Share that shit all over Tumblr. Start a fucking queer book club. Get shit done.

But gatekeeping cishet authors is not acceptable- your lived experiences don't take precedence over anyone else's. And as far as fetishism goes, when you see that shit, call it the fuck out. But understand that eroticism in stories with queer characters does not automatically imply fetishism. Learn the difference before jumping on people. Seriously.

And if you are a cishet person who has poured your heart into crafting a world for your characters because you love them, understand that what you have created is not fetishism, and you belong in this community. Please do not be discouraged by queer people who let their frustration with this heteronotmative world get misdirected at people who are genuinely living alongside them.

#gatekeeping #cishet #representation #gender identities #fanfiction #fandom #drarry

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beautifulterriblequeen · 6 years ago

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I’ll Show Myself Out

I’ve had this rattling in my brain for a week or so, and @moonshadow-memes just tipped it over the edge with their “Aaravos is the Dragon King’s Viren” ask answer, so here’s what I’ve pieced together allasuddenlike:

Aaravos isn’t trapped in the mirror. He’s not hoping Viren will let him out. He put himself in there, and he knows the exact circumstances under which he will leave. The mirror isn’t a prison. It’s an airport lounge.

If you’re a Star Touch Archmage, do you really think there is any chance that anyone can sneak up on you, or plan an ambush, or outwit you? If you can see everything coming, to at least some degree, and if you live long enough to become familiar with the basic thought patterns of all the different species and how they react to various stimuli (because of course you gotta poke them to see what they do, right? it’s science!), you’re basically unstoppable.

So if no one could force the Archmage into prison, how did Aaravos wind up in the mirror?

The same way he does everything else.

Deliberately, and with style.

In a recent post, I wondered whether Aaravos consented to enter the mirror. At first it seemed a radical idea. But it’s been growing on me ever since. Such a power move, it’s truly Aaravos-level. He showed himself out before anyone could attempt to chuck him out. It’s always classier to leave under your own power. As it were.

Once he stepped through, he would need a way to make contact past the borders of the Moon Portal. I think he did build that mirror himself, after all. It runs on Star magic, lighting up only when all other lights have gone out--referencing Galadriel’s words to Frodo about the light of Eärendil: “our most beloved Star.” glances at username Mmhmm. And since there are so very few Star Touches who could do Star magic on the mirror, the odds of anyone messing with his mirror and cutting him off entirely were nearly incalculable. Though I assume Aaravos calculated them anyway.

Aaravos foresaw the only other way out of the Portal and set things in motion before he stepped through. One of his early moves could easily have been entrusting his Key to a shapeshifting Earthblood elf and knowing that she and her descendants would keep the Key’s secret alive just long enough for it to fall into a certain pair of young hands that Aaravos had foreseen being useful in opening the Portal for him.

Aaravos does whatever he sees fit, according to his own calculations (see below!), knowing full well the chaos that will ensue. Then he steps through the Portal, putting himself beyond the reach of everyone who didn’t like his plan. But he’s not off the board. He wouldn’t step through without knowing his next dozen moves.

He knew the Moon Druids would yank down the Moonhenge behind him. Did he ask them to? Did they do it to help him or to try and trap him?

I’m guessing by Runaan’s reaction to the mirror that the druids were not on Aaravos’s side of that conflict. But there’s always wiggle room until we know for sure. (Don’t boo me, Runaan. I’m right.)

So, what shenanigans did Aaravos get up to, aside from the whole dark magic fiasco? Well, how about this: what if the Dragon King wasn’t guarding Aaravos’s mirror, wasn’t keeping an eye on him to prevent him from interacting with anyone and breaking free?

What if he was consulting Aaravos on the regular?

What if Thunder really did use Aaravos basically like a crack post I made: as a Magic 8-ball? But did so as Aaravos bided his time, patiently waiting for the confluence of events that he had foreseen. What if Thunder came across the mirror before he became king, and only ascended to the throne because of Aaravos’s help? Was Aaravos a Merlin to Thunder’s Arthur? Except in this case, Merlin foresaw Arthur’s death and straight up didn’t tell him about it, because if it was avoided, Merlin’s Master Plan wouldn’t come to fruition. Ooh, such intrigue!

Thunder isn’t mentioned in the Intro until after the lands have split. Aaravos tells us that the King of the Dragons guarded the border for centuries. But he never says when Thunder was crowned. And “centuries” can mean as little as 200 years, so again: wiggle room.

sniff sniff Is that dragon conflict I smell?

Sol Regem is the dragon we see flying in the very first part of the Intro. And he’s still alive as of S2E9. But despite his cool horn/headgear pattern, he’s not King of the Dragons. Did he used to be? Did Aaravos help Thunder to dethrone Sol Regem during the war? Is Sol Regem a really bad guy? (Please say yes.)

All we know for sure is that Aaravos’s mirror and the Dragon King were in the same place once. I’d wondered in a previous post just how long Aaravos had been in the king’s lair. But now I’m wondering how long Thunder had been there.

I love the idea that Aaravos could be playing Viren to the Dragon King’s Harrow. I especially love the use of mirroring between Viren and Aaravos. Because they make it so insanely literal!

The writing gets mouth-wateringly thick and meaty that way, like how Aaravos is a Star Touch Elf, and yes he has actual stars on his skin, but at the same time, he’s actually the North Star (al-Jadi, the Capricorn), and his tunic has the stars of the Little Dipper on it, which is the North Star’s constellation. Just So Many Star References™. I wanna kiss this show’s writing on the mouth. Agh, so pretty.

#tdp meta #tdp #aaravos #aaravos theory #viren #dragon king #sol regem #star elf #star magic #starlight mirror #all part of the plan #master plan

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wolfpawn · 6 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 26

Chapter Summary - The newspapers give some of Taylor's thoughts on the matter, leading Tom to discuss things with both Luke and Benedict separately, while Danielle has to try and get back to life behind the camera, with people taking interest in her for what they've read.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

So, the headlines are in Italics again, but most disturbing is the fact the four last ones are not ones I fabricated, but actually published pieces. If Taylor's PR is the ones putting these out there, then they are scum, if they are not denying it, they still are scum, and what scares me is the fact that there are some morons that will swallow this shit up. But she cannot always play the victim.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum@nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Taylor – Tom made me break up with Calvin; the worst mistake I could ever make.

Taylor holds head high after Hiddleston’s secret lover revealed.

Taylor broke off relationship when she suspected Hiddleston’s affections lay elsewhere.

Taylor Swift – “I knew there was something going on.”

Tom Hiddleston’s secret girlfriend, the real reason Taylor left him.

Taylor Swift “I feel used.”

Tom Hiddleston, Taylor Swift 2016: Actor Lied About Calvin Harris To Solo the ‘Bad Blood’ Singer?

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris Split after Tom Hiddleston Lied about the DJ.

Tom Hiddleston Is a First Class Home-wrecker.

Taylor Swift: Tom Hiddleston Was the Reason Why She Dumped Calvin Harris.

Tom stared at the headlines that faced him before rubbing his face with his hands, sighing, and then groaning in frustration. He knew Taylor would say something, but he had not expected this. “So I am a Home Wrecker, a user, and abusive?”

Luke bit his tongue for a moment, knowing no good could come from him saying that the moment Tom introduced himself to the star; he was on course for terrible accusations against him once it all ended. “Apparently, yes.”

“Does anyone believe this?”

“A few, mostly fools who think that the woman is incapable of wrongdoing and blindly follow everything the brat says solely based on the fact she donates money to some good causes.”

“What?”

“I have had people watching social media; apparently her generous nature regarding charity absolves her from any faults as an individual.” Luke scoffed. “There are too many fools in the world.”

“What are the chances she never releases more songs?” Tom groaned.

“As likely as Theresa May coming out as a supporter of left-wing liberalism.”

“Seriously, political sarcasm?”

“You asked.” Luke shrugged. “Any word from Ms Hughes?” Tom winced slightly. “I shall take that as a resounding no.”

“She hasn’t deleted me from her Facebook,” Tom commented hopefully.

Luke grimaced. “Please do not tell me you are Facebook stalking her?”

“She’s back in Ireland for a week, and then she is off to a new set.”

“Tom, that is not normal, I mean seriously, you get weirded out by fans that do that to you.”

“What am I going to do Luke?”

“Nothing, I told you, you need to back off, she has a boyfriend. Can you imagine how hard it will be for her to explain all of this to him?”

“He knows she is friends with the family, he has gone to dinner with Emma and Jack and mum has had him over.”

“That’s some good news, but if she mentions the kiss?” Tom did not respond, “You see, you have caused her enough trouble Tom, just give it time, she forgave you for the shit you pulled when you were seeing “PR Barbie", so she will probably forgive this too.” Luke gave an encouraging smile.

“I just…” tom shook his head. “Why didn’t I ever notice?”

“Your infatuation?”

“It’s not an infatuation.”

Luke rose to his feet. “You never realised your feelings for her because she never allowed you to realise that you were envious by not having a partner, and upon her having one, you, my friend, left it too late.”

“What do you mean? Do you think we could have if I had…?”

“Could you have started seeing her, yes. Would it have lasted, well, the odds, however, were never in your favour.”

Tom bit the inside of his cheeks. It was against the odds to succeed in Hollywood, but he had done it, he could easily have worked on making things work with Danielle too, if only he had tried.

The news reached the set before Danielle did, and much to her chagrin, she noticed that it seemed to be a popular topic of conversation for some people.

“Hughes, a word.” She grimaced as she walked over to Irlam. “You never mentioned that you know Tom Hiddleston.”

“His mum is my next door neighbour.”

“But you said nothing.”

“Why would I?”

“Well, in this industry, it helps to know people.”

Danielle’s nostrils flared slightly. “It may help, but there is no merit behind it, besides, what would I say? That I know the man to see once a blue moon between movies that comes to visit his mum for a day or two, that I salute him if I see him having a jog.”

“If papers are to be believed, you know him considerably better than that.”

“You shouldn’t believe everything you read.” She smiled and winked.

“He’s a great guy, isn’t he?” Irlam chucked. “I worked with him, so willing to try and do everything right.”

Danielle smiled sadly, “Yeah, Tom is a good man, those photo’s, he brought me and his mum to a restaurant to celebrate me getting all of this.” She explained. “Nothing else, just because I get on well with his sister and mum, and because I never try and use them for anything.” Her voice cracked slightly at the end, her hurt at what she perceived to be a mistake on Tom's behalf becoming harder to disguise as she spoke of him, and some of his traits she had always adored. “Sorry.”

“Are you alright?” Irlam asked in concern.

“Yeah, just…the publicity from all of this, I mean, I am…there’s a reason I wanted to work behind cameras, you know?”

“Well for me, I go with the idea that I have a face meant for radio.” He joked, causing her to laugh slightly, “But yes, I understand, I see it sometimes with actors, they realise that the life of anonymity is destroyed once they become famous. What you are saying is you are not even in a relationship with Tom, yet you are receiving the attention of such, an even more horrible situation; especially if you never wanted such in the first place.” He added more solemnly. “No to mention, you now have the attention of one bitter brat.”

“God, what is that bitch saying now?” Danielle was half afraid to ask.

Irlam frowned, “You’ve had interactions with her before?”

“Sadly yes, she was at his mum’s with him, and well, she is as crazy as that supposed skit song implies, like literally, batshit crazy. She genuinely thought I would be envious of her.” Danielle scoffed.

“Well, she is the victim.” Irlam began.

“When is she ever not?”

“And he is abusive, a user and a home wrecker.” Danielle felt terrible for Tom. “From what I have read, prepare for a song about you.”

“That’s what she does, isn’t it?” Danielle sighed.

“Sadly yes, now, back to what we do. I need to talk to you regarding a scene where we have the dragon breathe fire.”

“It had to be a fucking dragon.” Danielle groaned, readying herself for the madness of the day ahead.

“Do I want to ask?” Benedict walked into Tom’s London home, looking around at what would probably be described as slight untidiness to most other people, but in Tom’s case, could only be called chaos. “The place is a wreck.”

“I kissed her.”

“Who?”

“Danielle, I kissed her Ben, and she rejected me.”

“Tom.” Benedict looked at him sympathetically.

“I just…I don’t think this actually hurt so much before.”

“I…I get it, in a way, I mean I was with Olivia for a decade, I thought that she was it, and it wasn’t to be.”

“You think Danielle isn’t…”

Benedict raised his hands. “I am not saying she is or she isn’t, I cannot answer that for you, but I can say this; if it hurts this much, there has to be more to this than simple lust.”

“I love her.”

“Fuck Tom, I’m sorry mate.” Ben gave a sympathetic look. “What exactly happened?”

Tom relayed everything, the meal, the conversation, the paparazzi, and the issue outside her door. “The way she acted, she was almost crying as she told me to leave, like I destroyed everything.”

Ben cocked his head slightly, “Wait, what do you mean crying? She was crying.”

“No, nearly crying, she just kept begging me to leave,” Tom explained.

Benedict’s eyes darted side to side for a moment as he thought about what Tom had said. “You need to just get some rest; you’re off to Oz again tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I need to redo a few scenes; apparently one of the minor actors has had to be swapped out.”

“The joys of the industry,” Benedict commented sarcastically. “Well, go, get some vitamin D, because fuck knows we are getting none here with this weather, and when you come back, we will have to further this conversation.” Tom scoffed a little, but said his goodbyes and made his way home to pack. Taking out his phone, Ben texted Sophie what Tom had just said, wanting her opinion on the situation. When his phone indicated a new message received a few minutes later, he chuckled to himself as he read his wife’s reply. “I thought as much.”

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #I Hate you I Love You #chapter 26

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holytheoristtastemaker · 5 years ago

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The coronavirus outbreak is taking over headlines. Due to the spread of COVID-19, remote work is suddenly an overnight requirement for many. You might be working from home as you are reading this article. With millions working from home for many weeks now, we should seize this opportunity to improve our skills in the domain we are focusing on. Here is my strategy to learn Data Science while working from home with few personal real life projects. "So what should we do?" "Where should we start learning?" Grab your coffee as I explain the process of how you can learn data science sitting at home. This blog is for everyone, from beginners to professionals. Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash Prerequisites To start this journey, you will need to cover the prerequisites. No matter which specific field you are in, you will need to learn the following prerequisites for data science. Logic/Algorithms: It’s important to know why we need a particular prerequisite before learning it. Algorithms are basically a set of instructions given to a computer to make it do a specific task. Machine learning is built from various complex algorithms. So you need to understand how algorithms and logic work on a basic level before jumping into complex algorithms needed for machine learning. If you are able to write the logic for any given puzzle with the proper steps, it will be easy for you to understand how these algorithms work and you can write one for yourself. Resources: Some awesome free resources to learn data structures and algorithms in depth. Statistics: Statistics is a collection of tools that you can use to get answers to important questions about data. Machine learning and statistics are two tightly related fields of study. So much so that statisticians refer to machine learning as “applied statistics” or “statistical learning”. Image source : http://me.me/ The following topics should be covered by aspiring data scientists before they start machine learning. Measures of Central Tendency — mean, median, mode, etc Measures of Variability — variance, standard deviation, z-score, etc Probability — probability density function, conditional probability, etc Accuracy — true positive, false positive, sensitivity, etc Hypothesis Testing and Statistical Significance — p-value, null hypothesis, etc Resources: Learn college level statistics in this free 8 hour course. Business: This depends on which domain you want to focus on. It basically involves understanding the particular domain and getting domain expertise before you get into a data science project. This is important as it helps in defining our problem accurately. Resources: Data science for business Brush up your basics This sounds pretty easy but we tend to forget some important basic concepts. It gets difficult to learn more complex concepts and the latest technologies in a specific domain without having a solid foundation in the basics. Here are few concepts you can start revising: Python programming language Python is widely used in data science. Check out this collection of great Python tutorials and these helpful code samples to get started. Image source : memecrunch.com You can also check out this Python3 Cheatsheet that will help you learn new syntax that was released in python3. It'll also help you brush up on basic syntax. And if you want a great free course, check out this Python for Everybody course from Dr. Chuck. General data science skills Want to take a great course on data science concepts? Here's a bunch of data science courses that you can take online, ranked according to thousands of data points. Resources: Data science for beginners - free 6 hour course, What languages should you learn for data science? Data Collection Now it is time for us to explore all the ways you can collect your data. You never know where your data might be hiding. Following are a few ways you can collect your data. Web scraping Web scraping helps you gather structured data from the web, select some of that data, and keep what you selected for whatever use you require. You can start learning BeautifulSoup4 which helps you scrape websites and make your own datasets. Advance Tip: You can automate browsers and get data from interactive web pages such as Firebase using Selenium. It is useful for automating web applications and automating boring web based administration Resources: Web Scraping 101 in Python Cloud servers If your data is stored on cloud servers such as S3, you might need to get familiar with how to get data from there. The following link will help you understand how to implement them using Amazon S3. Resources : Getting started with Amazon S3, How to deploy your site or app to AWS S3 with CloudFront APIs There are millions of websites that provide data through APIs such as Facebook, Twitter, etc. So it is important to learn how they are used and have a good idea on how they are implemented. Resources : What is an API? In English, please, How to build a JSON API with Python, and Getting started with Python API. Data Preprocessing This topic includes everything from data cleaning to feature engineering. It takes a lot of time and effort. So we need to dedicate a lot of time to actually learn it. Image source : https://www.pinterest.com/pin/293648838181843463/ Data cleaning involves different techniques based on the problem and data type. The data needs to be cleaned from irrelevant data, syntax erros, data inconsistencies and missing data. The following guide will get you started with data cleaning. Resources : Ultimate guide to data cleaning Data Preprocessing is an important step in which the data gets transformed, or encoded, so that the machine can easily parse it. It requires time as well as effort to preprocess different types of data which include numerical, textual and image data. Resources : Data Preprocessing: Concepts, All you need to know about text preprocessing for NLP and Machine Learning, Preprocessing for deep learning. Machine Learning Finally we reach our favourite part of data science: Machine Learning. Image source : https://in.pinterest.com/pin/536209899383255279/ My suggestion here would be to first brush up your basic algorithms. Classification — Logistic Regression, RandomForest, SVM, Naive Bayes, Decision Trees Resources : Types of classification algorithms in Machine Learning, Classification Algorithms in Machine Learning Regression — Linear Regression, RandomForest, Polynomial Regression Resources : Introduction to Linear Regression , Use Linear Regression models to predict quadratic, root, and polynomial functions, 7 Regression Techniques you should know, Selecting the best Machine Learning algorithm for your regression problem, Clustering — K-Means Clustering, DBSCAN, Agglomerative Hierarchical Clustering Resources : Clustering algorithms Gradient Boosting — XGBoost, Catboost, AdaBoost Resources : Gradient boosting from scratch, Understanding Gradient Boosting Machines I urge you all to understand the math behind these algorithms so you have a clear idea of how it actually works. You can refer to this blog where I have implemented XGBoost from scratch — Implementing XGBoost from scratch Now you can move on to Neural Networks and start your Deep Learning journey. Resources: Deep Learning for Developers, Introduction to Deep Learning with Tensorflow, How to develop neural networks with Tensorflow, Learn how deep neural networks work You can then further dive deep into how LSTM, Siamese Networks, CapsNet and BERT works. Hackathons: Image Source : https://me.me/ Now we need to implement these algorithms on a competitive level. You can start looking for online Data Science Hackathons. Here is the list of websites where I try to compete with other data scientists. Analytics Vidhya — https://datahack.analyticsvidhya.com/contest/all/ Kaggle — https://www.kaggle.com/competitions Hackerearth — https://www.hackerearth.com/challenges/ MachineHack — https://www.machinehack.com/ TechGig — https://www.techgig.com/challenge Dare2compete — https://dare2compete.com/e/competitions/latest Crowdanalytix — https://www.crowdanalytix.com/community To have a look at a winning solution, here is a link to my winning solution to one online Hackathon on Analytics Vidhya — https://github.com/Sid11/AnalyticsVidhya_DataSupremacy Projects: We see people working on dummy data and still don’t get the taste of how actual data looks like. In my opinion, working on real life data gives you a very clear idea how data in real life looks like. The amount of time and effort required in cleaning real life data takes about 70% of your project’s time. Here are the best free open data sources anyone can use Open Government Data — https://data.gov.in/ Data about real contributed by thousands of users and organizations across the world — https://data.world/datasets/real 19 public datasets for Data Science Project — https://www.springboard.com/blog/free-public-data-sets-data-science-project/ Business Intelligence After you get the results from your project, it is now time to make business decisions from those results. Business Intelligence is a suite of software and services that helps transform data into actionable intelligence and knowledge. This can be done by creating a dashboard from the output of our model. Tableau is a powerful and the fastest growing data visualization tool used in the Business Intelligence Industry. It helps in simplifying raw data into the very easily understandable format. Data analysis is very fast with Tableau and the visualizations created are in the form of dashboards and worksheets.

http://damianfallon.blogspot.com/2020/03/how-to-improve-your-data-science-skills_31.html

#SEO #Local SEO training

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thecharmingknightemma · 6 years ago

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rules

Hello everyone! I'm sorry if this is long but it's necessary so that you can jump straight into writing with me even if Emma is nearly an oc or a stranger to your muses - and because I'm not English and want to be sure it's all clear. I've been writing for eight years and I'm known to be chill and accommodating but I am also extremely aware of what my preferences and comfort zones are so please read the rules.

My name is Ele, I'm 31, cis woman, super friendly, slow because chronically ill especially when it comes to ooc chat which require too much energy and focus from me, so while I love plotting and commenting threads don't expect ooc chats to be a priority if they aren't fully about the threads. This blog has sideblogs: 'monsterinamusicbox', sosadandyetsoamazing, musesonawhim, and more might come.

This is an AU Blog so you don't really need to have seen OUAT because this is NOT canon Emma Swan, there is no Storybrooke, and the princess Emma who remembers what was meant to happen in OUAT will let you know everything that you missed; so you'll need to read Emma's bio, either her AU enchanted forest backstory OR the backstory from our world which can fit Marvel, DC and other shows, depending on which character you play (it's awkward to realize the other person has no idea of what I'm writing, like I said, this won't be Emma Swan even in our world, she's been raised by her parents).

There is another backstory for non Enchanted Forest crossovers that doesn't have an abusive ex in it, check it out if the original one is triggering for you. You can request it, no explanation needed.

update of July 26: due to my health and lack of time I can't try to plot with every single mutual even if I follow first, so I ask you to please give me a sign you read my pages and would like to rp. Either by liking my many plotting calls, sending me a meme, liking starter calls, anything will do. Often when I try to plot people haven't read my pages yet or don't reply, and it's a lost occasion to plot with people who are ready. Thank you for your understanding.

WHO I RP WITH

I’m mutuals only and selective. If I don't follow you and you try to rp I'll ignore you, because I get anxious about saying no. If curious you can find reasons why I didn't follow you back here. Memes and opens have no expiration date. Untagged nsfw = I unfollow. Some shows I prefer not to interact with because I don't know them or aren't into some of their themes: vampire diaries, teen wolf, riverdale, gossip girls and any zombie/demons show outside of IZombie, Lucifer and Buffy/Angel.

Between asterisks it's what only people who write ouat characters need to read, the rest is for everyone:

**If your character is involved in her backstory, you have every right to discuss details with me so you won't feel godmodded/forced to adapt to it! I will also change things connected to your ch, for example if I write with a Jefferson, Emma's bff will be Ariel and not Grace. I'd rather not interact with ocs that are supposed to be her siblings or children etc. Henry was never born so if you play Henry we should plot it out because my Emma can’t be pregnant as a kid or she will be a completely different character.**

In this blog due to backstory issues she would want Regina dead so I prefer NOT to interact nor come up with new aus in which she’s fine with it (I have 2 plotted exceptions and that’s enough for me), and same goes for people who are currently villains from any fandom, though in that case we can plot out exceptions in which they aren’t being villains; if they are a grey-area, aren't people who hurt her family, and if you are pro-redemption it's fine, if not Emma wouldn't submit to anyone or bother to chat, she will try to kill them or die, so no threads are really doable. She's also not the type to hang out/bother with characters who are rude to her or to insist if they want her to leave, or to support who keeps manipulating her, hurting people or doesn't seem to be helped by her presence at all but keeps coming to her with pain to share (the latter would get a therapist card). Basically: Killian Jones the way he was written in the show, or even a Rumplestiltskin who found Belle and chose to do better and so on are fine. Villains who will mistreat Emma, have hurt her family, or are currently hunting children for sport? Not good for Emma.

TRIGGERS AND WHAT I WON’T WRITE

Triggers will be tagged ‘name of the trigger tw’, you can always ask me to tag more AND tell me if something in her backstory makes you uncomfortable, so that I can find a solution (that issue is resolved/doesn't need to be mentioned) or tell you if it can't be skipped and you can choose not to write with me. I don’t write about miscarriage, toxic/abusive relationships and rape between my character and yours (temporarily evil due to magic/Dark One Emma being manipulative is fine, but rape is still a no). It’s not exactly a trigger but please tag your gore and body horror? The topic of hell is also complicate, I need you not to focus too much on torture and eternal damnation. And please, PLEASE, tag your daddy kink/mommy kink references ic and ooc.

MEMES

I’d rather get asks when you want to start a thread, reblog all the memes you want from me. I will reblog from the source or send you one if you prefer it that way but I don’t care if you reblog them from me.

ACTIVITY

Sometimes I'm fast, some I'm slow, but you can have as many threads with me as you want, take your time, reply as much as you want as long as you give me enough to write, drop threads, send memes or not. I like icons but I don't need them to write, you can stop using them whenever.

NSFW and relationships

NSFW of the smut kind will be tagged as such and usually put under read more. I don’t write smut with everyone, only with people I know ooc/feel comfortable writing it with. I love shipping but I DON'T FORCESHIP, FRIENDSHIPS ARE WELCOMED. My Emma is straight. I do not romantically ship her with Neal/Baelfire even in aus, in her dark witch verse he's a past love Emma Swan had. Happy to find out if a relationship works between my Emma and Killian (my nearly automatic otp if you don't write him darker than in canon), the Huntsman, AU Pinocchio, Jefferson, and more if there is chemistry, but friendship is open to any of them too. Here for crossover ships as well. I’d really appreciate if you could tag your Swan Queen and Swan Thief, thank you.

OTHER FANDOMS I LIKE

Due to potential aus or crossovers, as in princess Emma showing up through a portal or me writing aus to adapt to your fandom, I want to bring up that some of the shows and movies I know are/what she can be in them with small changes to her regular backstory:

AOS (she can easily be inhuman or an alien),

Avengers movies (and at least Thor, Cap, Iron Man and Hulk’s movies), Ant-Man, Captain Marvel (same as above),

the 100 (she’s too happy to be anything but someone who comes from an unknown village or comes from one of the unknown worlds),

Chuck (she can be an ordinary human being, enhanced person/semi-alien depending on who rps the Chuck characters),

Elementary (she can be a regular human or whatever you want)

Flash (she can be a metahuman),

Guardians of the Galaxy (Same as for Marvel),

Legends of Tomorrow (human, alien, metahuman),

Doctor Who (she can be anything),

Firefly: she can be anything (I can also shake things up with her being an alien/having powers OR by coming from the planet where fairy tales are real).

Galavant (same universe as the Enchanted Forest),

Supergirl (she can be an ordinary human or alien),

IZombie (human or zombie),

Lost (she can be anything anything)

Buffy and Angel but only the tvshows (human, witch, one of the many new slayers),

Timeless (human unless the other rper prefers a crossover),

Lord of the Rings (probably just princess Emma portal jumping?)

pretty much any famous sitcom like Friends, the Office, Parks and Rec, b99 (likely she can only be human unless asked otherwise).

Also Lucifer and Good Omens (she could be an ordinary human or it’s more of a crossover in which she comes from her own universe and has magic), and more I can’t think of right now.

#rules page

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banshee1013 · 6 years ago

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How To Train Your Hunter(s)

Well, here it is, finally - the continuation to the Looking Glass series, in which I and my friends formulate a plan to convince the Winchesters to allow us to help them defeat God and save their world.

This one ended up being a BEAST, so I’ve split it into three parts. This is Part The First.

Enjoy!

******************************************************************************************

"OK, ladies… this is it. Are you ready?"

Speaking directly into my computer's microphone, to the Discord voice channel set up for this purpose.

Things this complex require voice communication, and being scattered over the country (and South Africa for Mags), long-distance charges would have been a nightmare.

Thank the stars for Discord.

A nervous titter from Cori over the channel.

"I think I'm ready… I'm so excited I can barely breathe!"

Mags: "I was born ready…"

Ella: "As ready as I'm gonna be…"

I felt a flutter of nerves in my gut, a moment of doubt. Not in my friends - I knew they were ready - but in me.

Could I keep them safe?

And just how quickly - or worse, slowly - will Dean kill me for this?

*******************************************************************************************

I hadn't told anyone else about the Looking Glass - not until I had, with Sam and Cas' help, performed many more experiments.

Bringing something other than myself through - weapons (my sword, a machete) and even one of my cats - CHECK. This was good news - it meant I could defend myself over there, and other living things could pass through as well.

Bringing something from the "Mirror Universe" or MU as I jokingly referred to it (shoutout to my Star Trek nerd roots) - other weapons (returned before Dean noticed), a stray cat hanging around the Bunker (using gloves as to not shock the poor thing). CHECK (although I now have another feline mouth to feed…).

Jack will be pleased. This was Step One toward the Disneyland trip.

I still zapped everyone I touched over there - well, by *everyone* I mean Sam, Dean, Jack, and Cas because I obviously hadn't interacted with anyone else - how do you explain to a stranger you're from another universe? But as suspected, the effect didn't happen at home. The Grace was dormant here.

And then, like a dummy - I slipped.

Mags was the one that caught it - an innocent comment between Dean and me regarding a pool game - how he cheated by distracting me (he may be like a brother to me, but still - DISTRACTING when he focuses his efforts on it). Thankfully pulling me into a DM rather than confronting me in public, she pried at me. I tried to play it off as one of our usual GIF games, but she was having none of it.

So I came clean. And of course, I then had to explain it - impossible over text alone.

That's when I set up the Discord channel and turned on the voice feature. Once I explained the process, Mags was completely on-board with going over herself.

"You know they need our help. They're fighting GOD, for Go… for shit's sake."

"Mags, we have NO training. Have you *ever* used a machete?”

"No, but I can learn," she asserted. "You learned how to fight with a sword, didn't you?"

Well, she had me there.

"OK. Let me do some… creative questioning of Sam. Come up with a training plan or whatever."

"That sounds reasonable," she agreed, followed by a pregnant pause. "But we have to get Cori and Ella in on this action. Remember 'Dean's Angels'?"

I groaned, eyes trailing skyward. "That was a joke!"

"Was it though?" she countered, the mirth plain in her voice, before sobering. "C'mon. The more, the merrier, right? Besides, they would be so pissed if we went without them."

She had a point. And training for two could easily be expanded into training for four.

I invited Cori and Ella to the Discord channel and caught them up.

To no one's surprise, they were gung-ho on the idea.

****************************************

The following Saturday, I paid a visit to the Bunker and surreptitiously questioned Sam on the nature of decapitating vampires and other monsters.

He probably would have thought I was nuts if he hadn't been distracted by his research trying to find Donatello.

Finding Donatello was important to me as well, so I limited the questioning to times when I could coerce Sam into taking a break, tempting him with sandwiches and smoothies.

I sat at the kitchen table across from Sam during one of these breaks as he sampled the smoothie, sliding the plate with the sandwich across to him.

"So y'know, I was wondering - how much pressure would you say you have to exert to chop off a vamp's head?"

Sam paused mid-slurp and gave me a puzzled look. "Uh, I dunno, really - I never stopped to think about it…"

"Well, would you say it's more like - chopping through a cabbage, or chopping through a pumpkin?"

Ever the intellectual, he seriously contemplated the question. "I would say at least a pumpkin, a big one." Picking up the sandwich, he took a bite and considered the question more while chewing. Swallowing, he added, "But really, probably more like a ham. A good, 15lb bone-in ham."

"Did someone say 'ham'?" Dean inquired, on a break from the Star Wars marathon in the Dean Cave with Jack, popping into the kitchen to fetch another beer and a soda for Jack.

The next day, I brought through a 15lb ham and cooked it up for dinner - one of two I had purchased.

Theirs was to distract them from yesterday's discussion - and because Dean looked so crestfallen when no ham was on offer. They had ham sandwiches, and ham and cheese omelets, and ham and potatoes au gratin for a good week after.

The other, of course, was for me to chop with a machete.

After trying it and finding it suitably difficult, I recommended the idea to the others.

***************************************

We studied fight techniques.

I filmed my sword training classes for the "classical" techniques - entering the fight, counters to attacks, and grappling.

Cori found some excellent videos on actual machete fighting.

And we all studied every Monster of the Week episode of The Show, breaking down Sam, Dean, and Cas' knife-fighting skills and techniques. Ella became a master at the ‘Angel Blade Flip', using a Bowie knife borrowed from a friend.

We all ended up eating a lot of ham, and when we got sick of it, the local shelters reaped the benefit.

We were always sure to carefully clean our blades before and after every training session, both for the protection of the blade and to keep the ham clean enough for eating, and would lay down fresh tarp to catch the falling pieces.

If anyone at the shelters wondered about the nature of the donations - thick, somewhat uneven slices of bone-in ham - it was never voiced out loud.

Gift horses (pigs?), I suppose.

**************************************

We also studied basic first aid and field medicine.

Mags worked at a hospital and became our go-to for all things medical. She was able to convince one of the ER docs and several of his patients to allow her to film suturing and wound treatment. "Research for a book" she claimed, promising credit and mentions in said book.

Yeah, she'll write that. Some day.

The ham suffered more abuse as we gashed into them to practice sewing them back up with dental floss.

Unscented. I didn't want to find out if the mint stuff burned on contact.

Cori gathered the necessary items and packaged small medical kits for us.

*************************************

"We're almost ready, ladies," I said to the others in the Discord voice channel.

We had been training for a couple of months, and sliced many hams.

We felt ready for the next step.

"Just gotta find the right case for us."

"So I assume Plan A was a bust, then?" Mags sighed.

"Yeah, well we kinda knew it would be, didn't we?" I said, resigned.

'Plan A' was to film our training and present it to Sam and Dean as proof of our prowess and ability to protect ourselves, in order to gain their trust and allow us to accompany them on a hunt.

I didn't tell the girls this - but I never had high confidence in Plan A. Sam could possibly be reasoned with, but Dean?

Not with that mile-wide protective streak of his.

So I worked on 'Plan B' - finding a vamp nest for us to tackle on our own.

To do so, I would go through the Looking Glass to past hunt locations in the MU.

I figured a done deed would be far more convincing of our abilities than videos of murdered ham.

For research, I once again turned to the 'tale of the tape' - The Show.

One of the "benefits" (for lack of a better word) of Chuck's little Greatest Hits Tour - reviewing the Show, and following the boy's hunts on Twitter, I had a decent idea of all their cases from the past and which of those past cases had been resurrected and already dealt with. With this knowledge, I believed I could find something suitable.

I knew, however, that scouting locations was a not going to be an easy task. Remember that Grace? It was a beacon to Cas and Jack every time I set foot in the MU.

So, I took Jack into my confidence. Sorta.

I didn't tell him the exact reason *why* I needed him to ignore my visits and keep Cas from noticing. I told him I was working on a surprise for Sam, Dean, and Cas, and asked for his help.

It wasn't *really* a lie.

This would certainly be a surprise.

For the first experiment, I picked a place well-documented on The Show but with no known monster visitations - Donna's cabin.

I researched the location, gathering information on temperature, sounds, and smells. Google Earth was my friend.

I paused the scene to study the cabin and surrounding area, memorizing visual cues. Studied the ground cover to determine what it would feel like as I stepped on it.

I wasn't planning on being there long - just long enough to verify I was in the right place.

I figured I wouldn't be there long enough for Jack or Cas to detect my presence through the Grace, so I didn't tell him.

I stood in front of the doorway of my spare bedroom and focused.

Closing my eyes, I envisioned every detail. Every sight, sound, feeling.

I stepped through the doorway - and my feet crunched on the leaves scattered on the ground outside what definitely appeared to be Donna's cabin.

My time was limited so I confirmed the location in the quickest way possible - I searched for, and found, the garden gnome with the key hidden underneath, exactly as she had described in the episode.

I couldn't stop the giddy feeling bubbling up in my chest.

Step 1 of Plan B was a success.

************************************

Over the next week, I watched every vampire episode, looking for one small enough for us to handle but big enough to be, well, impressive. Challenging.

I considered Alex's old nest - but there were only three of them. Mags could probably wipe out the nest all by herself.

I thought about Benny's old nest - but didn't want to run the risk of running into Benny. Chuck would be asshole enough to bring him back if just to torment Dean.

I went all the way back to the first season and found what could be the perfect case - Luther's nest, the first case the boys worked after the return of their father, John. The nest only consisted of about 10 vampires - just over two each. Doable.

That is, if Chuck had returned them. I had to perform some reconnaissance to see.

To do this, I needed to be there much longer than I was at Donna's cabin.

I was going to need Jack's help for this one.

I opened Twitter and a DM to Jack.

*************************************

@redbanshee: Hey Jack, are you there?

@IAmCalledJack: Hello! Were you at Donna's cabin last week? I thought I felt Castiel's Grace there but he was right here in the Bunker with me.

Oh shit. I guess even the few minutes I was there was enough to trigger the alarm…

@redbanshee: Uh, yeah… part of the surprise for Sam, Dean, and Cas - I needed something from her cabin.

@redbanshee: Did, uh, Cas notice?

@IAmCalledJack: Yes, but he figured he must be mistaken because it only appeared for a few minutes.

Whew… dodged that bullet. I wouldn't get that lucky this time, though.

@redbanshee: So, Jack, I need to go somewhere else today to get something else for their surprise - do you think you could distract Cas or something so he doesn't notice? I really don't want to spoil the surprise…

@IAmCalledJack: Yes, I am happy to help. I can actually block him from noticing you're here.

@redbanshee: Oh, that's very helpful! Thank you!

@redbanshee: I should be less than an hour, can you block him for that long?

@IAmCalledJack: Yes, I believe so.

@IAmCalledJack: Are you sure you'll be safe? You're not going anywhere dangerous, are you?

@redbanshee: No, of course not! Perfectly mundane. :)

@IAmCalledJack: OK :) But you'll pray to me if you get into trouble?

@redbanshee: Of course I will, sweetie. But I promise, I'll be just fine.

I closed the DM and tried not to feel awful about it.

**************************************

I stepped through the doorway into a copse of trees overlooking the barn housing Luther's nest.

Or at least what I hoped was still - again - their nest.

It was late afternoon San Diego time, but just sliding into dusk in Colorado. Unlike what the myths would have you believe, vampires are capable of moving about in the day - it's just painful for them, so they don't unless they have to. I'll have a much better chance of seeing them after the sun goes down.

Taking out a pair of binoculars, I scanned the grounds. Nothing yet, so I waited.

I didn't have to wait long. In the gathering gloom of dusk, the barn door opened and three figures emerged. A dim glow from inside the barn backlit several more inside, including a couple still asleep in hammocks.

It was fairly obvious the nest had returned.

I felt the grin spreading across my face. We had our case.

But I had to be sure.

I followed the three figures to a small bar about a mile down the road from the barn.

Followed them inside and picked a table in a dark corner to observe.

Watched as one, a female, singled out a loner sitting at the bar, sidled up to him to whisper in his ear.

Watched as he flushed, a tentative tongue flicking to lick lips gone suddenly dry.

Watched as the eyes glazed over, and followed her as she led him out the back door of the bar.

I knew the hour I told Jack was almost up - I needed to get back in case he couldn’t block Cas for longer than that.

But I needed to *know* if these were really vampires. Could be just a commune, or a bunch of grifters.

I needed to make sure.

I waited a few minutes, took a deep breath, then followed them out the back door.

And got there just in time to see the vamp drop the mark to the ground, drained. She turned toward me and hissed, blood dripping from ruby lips.

I froze, shocked and sickened.

Then jumped as a growling voice echoed from behind me.

"Looking for something?"

My breath stopped in my throat. I had no weapons.

I. HAD. NO. WEAPONS.

I closed my eyes and forced down the panic. Turned to face the voice behind me.

"Uh, nope. Just came out for some air, y'know… I'll just be getting back inside, my friend is waiting for me… "

Steps echoing in the alley behind me as the female vampire approached, blocking that exit.

I sidestepped to move around him and dash for the back door of the bar, but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path.

He smiled a toothy grin.

A second set of very pointy teeth descended over the first.

OK, then. No more proof necessary.

Now I just had to live long enough to bring the girls back and handle it.

"Sorry, sis. Your friend is just gonna have to wait…" he smirked, reaching for me with lightning speed and grasping my arms just above the elbow.

On the bare skin just below the edge of my t-shirt sleeves.

A blue-white flash of static discharge flared from the touch and sent the vampire sprawling.

I leaped over him and headed for the back door at a dead run.

Envisioning carpet under my feet, the hue of the overhead LED lights…

I plunged through the back doorway of the bar, and yelped as I stumbled and fell face-first… onto the carpet in my spare bedroom.

I flipped and scrambled backward away from the doorway of the bedroom, waiting…

Wondering if something would follow me back through.

Scrambled until my back slammed against the wall, and I pulled my knees to my chest, breaths coming in wheezing gasps.

The doorway remained empty.

I was safe.

And I had found our case.

*******************************************************************************************

"OK ladies, let's go over the plan one more time…"

I could hear the groans from the others over the Discord voice channel.

I didn't care.

I would go over this plan again and again, if necessary - until *I* was sure we were prepared and it would go off without a hitch.

I would not… COULD NOT… put my friends in unnecessary jeopardy.

Dean is gonna kill me for this, anyway… and I'm ok with that as long as everyone else gets home safely.

"FINE," Cori grumbled. "We step through the mirror and meet outside the bar…"

" I'll pass around the dead man's blood and bullets…" Mags added.

Working in a hospital has other advantages besides providing our medical training.

Mags was able to sneak into the morgue and grab several syringes worth of dead man’s blood, enough for two each.

She also painted several clips of bullets with it.

Neither would kill the vamps but would sure as shit slow them down.

"I've got the medical kits." Cori chimed in.

"I have the burner phones." I confirmed.

I had picked these up during my previous visit since our phones won't have service in the MU.

"And then weapons check…," Ella added eagerly. The metallic clink and soft chime of silver meeting silver rings over the channel. Playing with her silver daggers again.

"But bring your machete," I cautioned. "Those are sweet daggers and you're amazing with them, but silver doesn't affect vamps."

"Maybe not, but will sure slow them down!" Ella chuckled gleefully.

I sighed. The girl was gonna be the death of me.

"Oh, and you all have something to carry this stuff in?" I asked.

This had been a source of discussion for many days. We needed something big enough to carry a twenty-inch machete, medical kit, and dead man's blood, but not big enough to attract attention from any civilians who happened to be in the bar.

We may be going to a world full of monsters, but if years of The Show had taught us anything, it was that most people there were oblivious and perfectly content to stay that way.

Eventually, we decided on backpacks to reinforce our cover as a group of hikers on a trek through the local woods. Ease of access was not a concern with our plan – we would simply arm up before storming the barn. And anyway, should the machetes be spotted or questioned - we needed them to hack through the underbrush.

A chorus of "Yep's" or variants thereof answered my question.

"So after that, we'll head into the bar," I continued. "It will be late afternoon, and with any luck, happy hour."

Because yes, this was a hunt.

But it was also a meet and greet.

And I didn't know about anyone else, but I knew I was gonna need a shot or two of whiskey to take the edge off.

"We'll wait there until dusk, then head to the barn."

"Uh… I have a question, Cee…" Cori spoke up hesitantly.

"Of course! What's up?"

"Why are we waiting until dusk?" she queried. "I mean, they usually sleep during the day, right? Wouldn't it be better to attack them then, when they're all asleep?"

She'd just hit on the heart of the matter.

"If this were a standard vamp hunt, then yes, you're absolutely correct." I took a deep breath, let it out slowly.

"But it's not. It's an audition."

"Audition?" Ella queried, puzzled.

"Yeah… for Dean." Mags huffed. "Plan A didn't convince him, so Plan B has to."

"Yeah," I sighed. "So here's the play. We head to the barn at dusk and wait for the first hunting party to leave. We meet up with them before they get to wherever they're going, and put an end to them. That does three things - gives us a win, provides positive proof we know what we're doing, and cuts down on the number of vamps we'll all have to take care of later."

"All?" Cori asked. "Sam and Dean will be there?"

"Not when we start. We handle the first group on our own." I paused, the nerves starting to creep up.

This was the dicey part.

"Then I call them and… invite them to join."

Silence on the line. I pushed on.

"So, remember that Grace Cas gave me? It's like a beacon - he always knows when I'm over there because he can sense the piece of his Grace that isn't with him."

"So how have you been able to get all this information you've given us - the pictures and descriptions so we can get there through the Looking Glass?" Cori questioned.

I hesitated. I still harbored feelings of guilt over using Jack as an accomplice.

Dean is going to have my head for that as well.

But would my friends?

"Jack helped me. He kept Cas from noticing I was here."

"You used *Jack*?" Mags exclaimed.

"Oh boy…" Ella breathed.

"Dean is going to KILL YOU!" Cori blurted.

I winced at the outburst, but I knew it was coming. Deservedly so.

But it was necessary.

"I didn't have much of a choice," I argued. "We all agreed we needed to help them, right? This is the only way we're going to convince them that we *can*."

I paused. Silence.

I continued. "Anyway, before we head over, I'm gonna text Jack and let him know I'm heading over. He'll block Cas until I give the signal. Then he'll grab Sam, Dean, and Cas, and teleport them to our location. Once they're there, they'll see we've successfully killed vamps by ourselves. Part 1 successful. Then we'll all go to the barn and wipe out the nest. Part 2 successful, positive impression made."

"What's the signal?" Cori inquired.

"Well, here's the tricky part," I sighed. "It's the one part we can't test beforehand."

"OK, and…" Mags prodded.

"I'm going to share the Grace with you…"

A burst of voices from the channel… "What??", "Ohmigod are you sure?", "Huh??"

"… this has two purposes!" I shouted over their protests. "First - remember the first time I crossed over and it knocked me out so bad I slept for a day and a half? Cas gave me the piece of his Grace to prevent that from happening. However, he gave me SO MUCH that everything that touches me over there gets a big jolt."

Oh, right.

I hadn't told them about the encounter I had in the bar… zapping the vamp when he grabbed me.

All I had told them was I found the nest and scoped out the bar. I didn't want to scare them about going there.

It would be pure daylight out - no way the vamps would venture out in that.

We'd be perfectly safe.

I rushed on. "So, when we're done with the first group… I'm gonna put my hand in and you're all gonna grab on, and I'm gonna pass some of this Grace on to you. I'm hoping this will do a few things - one, make it to where you won't be knocked out like I was when this is over. Two, it will decrease the amount of Grace in me, and I'll get to hug my boys again without having to be so damned careful!"

I stopped for a breath. No one spoke.

"Third - this will be Jack's signal to bring the A-Team. When he notices Cas' Grace split four ways, that's his cue."

Silence. Finally, Cori cleared her throat and asked, "What's the plan if you can't transfer the Grace?"

Another possibility I'd considered and scoped out when I went back for pictures.

Full-length mirror in the lady's room of the bar.

"Plan GTFO - Get The Fuck Out. We head back to the bar and you guys jump back through the mirror in the lady's room. It's gonna be painful for you guys after you return, and I'm sorry. If that happens, I'll talk to Cas, see what can be done for future visits."

"Well, you seem to have thought of everything…" Mags offered encouragingly.

"Jesus, I sure as hell hope so," I breathed. "So, everyone still in?"

I waited for what seemed like an eternity.

"HELL YES!"

"What are we waiting for?"

"Let's get this show on the road!"

*******************************************************************************************

Part The Second Coming Very Soon!

#fanfic #dean winchester #sam winchester #jack kline #castiel #supernatural

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