#and external validation is very very helpful

[kieraelieson]

I have a cool idea for a canon verse sanders sides longfic. Now all I need to do is rewatch sanders sides, at least since selfishness v selfless, so I make sure I not only characterize them all well, but also make sure that I characterize their relationships from the correct starting point. And it could be fun.

[britneyshakespeare]

Man is saying weird things to me again

[crush3dmary]

Sad posting in the tags, you're free to ignore. Just need to get it out of my system and twit circle isn't sufficing.

[daz4i]

ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

[ethxrxalitys]

my partner pumpkin lives in my mind rent free a massive chunk of my waking hours. i know in all actuality they arent actually what i think about constantly, but every day, when im without them i do something or see something or my mind just wanders and inevitably they come back to mind and i often catch myself with the goofiest grin as i think of them.

im so excited to explore the future with them, it makes me just. happy to think about being next to them, a year from now, and to think about how we will both shift and change and how each of us are in our own rights will grow from our love and i so so hope im blessed that we are able to keep growing together like two vines intertwined, reaching towards the sun for a very, very long time. im so gay for them its absurd, im so in love and i love them so very much its CRAZY.

[tbaluver]

When You Have A Baby- The Love And DeepSpace Men

pairings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader

genre: fluff fluff

a/n: writing these are so much fun <3 any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! if you have any more ideas for me to write my requests are always open! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

He would be so smitten with his newborn. He won't stop internally and externally praising your strength for carrying and birthing his child. He would compare the size of your new baby's hand and his hand. "Their hands are so tiny" He would whisper. As he holds his new born so closely, he vows to make sure no harm came to the two of you.

Your baby room would have a couple plushies that either you won from the claw machines. He can put the baby to sleep so quick whether it was rocking the baby or reading them a bedtime story.

He's very protective but also very cautious. He'll make sure the baby would be all bundled up and comfortable before you two leave the house. Also very soft and sweet with the baby. Spoils the baby with so much love with forehead kisses and snuggles!

This man loves to cuddle the baby. When you come home and you don't see him anywhere, then he's probably in the nursery. He would sit on the rocking chair with the baby in his arms. He just wants to spend as much time as possible with the baby. Nothing in the world can compare to the happiness that brings him where his child is sleeping peacefully in his arms. One of your favorite moments is when you two would be peacefully asleep, the baby safely and comfortably in between you two.

Zayne:

He might not show it physically, but he's definitely in pain seeing you in labor. He'll be by your bedside, gently holding your hand and letting you squeeze his hand as much as you need too. It's all worth it in the end when he sees his baby with his own eyes. Inside he's melting but he keeps his cool.

Like I said in my pregnancy post this man is always ready. Ready whenever you were pregnant and ready when the baby is born.

When the baby cries when your both asleep, he'll assure you that he can do it and let you go back to sleep. He'll handle anything whether it's feeding the baby, cradling, changing the diaper, or helping put the baby back to sleep, as long as you get some rest. He would even be the first to wake up just to check up on the baby just so you can have a few more minutes of rest before you have to get up.

One of your favorite memories would be seeing him handle the baby so well in his arms in the nursery. You would snake your arms around him and rest your chin on his shoulder as he continues cradling the baby.

He handles his new responsibilities as a father so well. He can barely pull himself from the baby. It's like he had everything under control and nothing can affect him as long as you were okay. He made sure to validate any frustrations and anything you were anxious about. He was always there to reassure you.

Rafayel:

His eyes would be shimmering from glee as he cradled the baby. "They're so tiny!" He would whisper shout, carefully not trying to wake the baby. The first time he ever held the baby, he didn't think it would be possible for his body to let go of the small bundle of joy in his arms.

You are so strong for having to take care of two babies. The one you birthed and your husband, Rafayel. He playfully pretends to be your baby so you can also take care of him like you do with your new born.

You guys would have such a beautiful baby room. The room would have such warm lighting. He would have the walls painted with what he had envisioned and a mix of furniture that you both planned out. You guys would have a crib mobile that is obviously sea themed.

You would also walk in on him many times cradling the baby and encouraging his baby to say his first words would be anything of dad or the baby has to show him first when they learn how to walk.

He would def take so much memories of you and your baby. He'll put some baby safe paint on your baby's hands and stamp their hand print on a small canvas so when they grow up, you'll all remember the time they were so tiny. Finding you again was a miracle in itself and having this baby with you, he would need or create a different word to describe it all.

Sylus:

He would be right at your side during labor, wiping your sweat off your forehead and giving you reassurance. "You're doing so well sweetie. Our baby will be out soon."

He does everything that he can without protests. He would give warm baths and sweet kisses to your baby's head every moment he can.

He makes it all look easy and even handles any chores around the house himself or makes Luke and Kieran do it so you have time to recuperate. He would spend quality time with you any time he can to make you feel just as loved if not more with your growing family.

It would physically pain him to leave you and his newborn at home when he had to leave for business. Although neither of you would have gotten that much sleep in weeks, a part of him wished that it would never end. Even if it would be just for a few hours, he did not want to miss anything that happens. What if the baby laughs and he wasn't there to take a video of it? What if an emergency happened and you needed him? He would make you record everything you and your baby do because he doesn't want to miss any milestone in his baby's life.

Just like you, he would spoil the baby rotten. When he would come back from his business trips or meetings he would bring back gifts for you or anything that reminded him of you and your baby.

You would ban him from singing any lullabies to your baby but sometimes when you're already asleep he would secretly sing your baby a song. He would feel fully content in his life.

[luna-azzurra]

Emotionally Questionable but Artistically Valid Things To Do When You’re a Writer Losing the Plot (Literally or Figuratively)

Write your WIP’s obituary. “She lived a chaotic life, filled with plot holes, unresolved arcs, and one very confusing love triangle. She is survived by a Google Doc, 74 sticky notes, and a Pinterest board titled ‘vibes but make it pain.’” Bonus catharsis if you make it weirdly tender. Double bonus if you actually cry a little.

Make your WIP a dating profile. Age: Timeless. Location: Trapped in your brain since 2018. Looking for: A writer who won’t ghost me mid-draft. Interests: Slow burn tension, morally gray decisions, and long walks through traumatic backstory. Will it match with anyone? No. But you might remember why you fell in love with it in the first place.

Assign your plot holes a Hogwarts house. That one you keep ignoring? Slytherin. The subplot that’s doing too much? Hufflepuff with main character energy. The gaping logic error you swear you’ll fix later? Ravenclaw, but drunk. Somehow this helps. Somehow this feels like control.

Write a resignation letter from your genre. “Dear Fantasy, it’s not you, it’s me. Actually—it is you. The worldbuilding demands are emotionally abusive, and I just want to write messy little humans having conversations that ruin their lives.” You can always go back. Or not. You’re allowed to genre-hop like a chaotic frog with a laptop.

Host a fake podcast episode where you psychoanalyze your protagonist. Today on Therapy, But Make It Fictional, we discuss why Aiden cannot maintain a single healthy relationship, the consequences of childhood abandonment, and how trauma is not a personality trait (even though he tries). Record yourself. Don’t post it. Unless you do. I won’t stop you.

Put your WIP characters in a reality show. Big Brother: Emotional Damage Edition. Who cries first? Who forms a secret alliance? Who self-destructs on Day 2 because someone used their emotional trauma as a joke? (Yes, this is basically writing. Yes, this counts.)

Create an “Am I the Problem?” chart for your WIP. Spoiler: You’re not. The plot arc from hell is. But mapping it out like a true crime board will help. Use yarn. Use vibes. Use Google Slides if you’re a Virgo. Just externalize the chaos.

Write fanfiction… of your own book. That spicy scene you know you won’t put in because it messes with pacing? Write it. That “what if they shared a bed but didn’t touch” trope you secretly crave? Give in. You are your first fan. Be delulu. Be free.

Create a soundtrack for your villain’s redemption arc that will never happen. Include Lana Del Rey. Include Mitski. Include at least one angry violin solo. You don’t have to redeem them, but you can imagine them staring into the rain while “The Sound of Silence” plays.

Doodle your plot like a crime scene. Victim: Narrative Cohesion. Suspects: A surprise third act twist, a talking sword, and that one flashback chapter that broke the timeline. Go full corkboard-and-pushpins energy. You’ll either solve it or at least feel like an unhinged genius. Which is basically the same.

[mis-anthrapologistic]

[long post] random simplyplural inspo

cw: vague s/h warning in the first pic

our current custom fields:

* lyric / quote

blank field for a divider or graphic

* bday or forming date

* age

* appearance (verbal description)

* faceclaim (picture)

* other names

* prns & sexuality

* species

blank field for a divider or graphic

* role

* symptoms held

* activity (how often they front)

* complexity (fully formed or not)

* hierarchy

* subsystem

* relationships (internal & external)

* headspace location

blank field for a divider or graphic

* source

* pseudomemories or source memories

* source quotes

blank field for a divider or graphic

* weirdly specific opinions

* likes

* dislikes

* playlist

* irrational fears

* fun facts

blank field for a divider or graphic

* sign off

* fronting triggers

* reviews (that other alters leave about them)

* miscellaneous

* badges (stamps, blinkies, etc)

* credits

other random field ideas:

* mbti or other personality types

* talents & hobbies

* how to tell when the alter is at/near front

* handwriting, typing quirks, etc

* "this" or "that" type questions (cats or dogs, introvert or extrovert etc)

* other titles to refer to the alter as

* associations

* which alters helped fill out the profile

* stereotypical tropes?

* what types of dysphoria the alter experiences (height, gender, voice, etc)

* kins/synpaths

* what they would be bullied for in middleschool /hj

* "life written by: ___" (favorite writer, music artist, etc. basically, "they get me" or saying that their work is very relatable.)

* fursonas, oc's, etc

* how to make the alter feel more comfortable when they're at front, or if you're meeting them for the first time

* neopronoun or xenogender hoards

* what they would most likely be arrested for

* wishlist of things the alter wants to buy?

* if you're into things like danganronpa, then feel free to add a SHSL talent field :3

☆

we don't regularly add anyone on simplyplural, so we don't have that many privacy buckets. however, we do have one for all source related fields (faceclaim, source, mems, quotes, etc).

we also have a privacy bucket for the pronouns and sexuality field in case we ever add anyone we know irl.

for each of our role groups, we always include a definition for the role in the description/info box for those who may not know the term. ^_^

☆

other things we to do make our profiles a little bit more fun:

* silly quotes or references for the bios! we usually do twitter or tumblr references.

* over-use and abuse the description box for the groups. we always leave little notes, jokes, gifs, or extra graphics in ours.

* we have an info page at the top of our alter list where we include basic info about the sys. we also added a basic dictionary of system terms in the custom fields and some userboxes!

* make tons of silly groups. if you're running low on inspiration, check out those sorting memes where characters are put into certain scenario categories (hard to explain, but do you know what i'm talking about?). like... what characters would do in a fire, watching a horror movie, etc.

* also, groups for subcultures‼️

* get people outside of your sys to leave reviews about the alters to add to the "review" field! bonus points of they write it like a professional review or add "__/5 stars".

* we don't read fanfiction, but if you do, i recommend adding a section in the custom fields or groups for a hyper-specific AO3 tag or something!

* don't worry if your account isn't always super aesthetic. seriously, it's okay. your account layout has nothing to do with how valid you are. just make sure you have fun. :p

[kiefbowl]

On radblr, in my early twenties, now what is likely 10 years ago (which, it's hard to remember when I started actually feminist positing on tumblr in earnest), I used to write about rape a lot more. I think my younger self felt invigorated not so much about the conversation of rape (of course, it's horrific), but by being angry and political about it. Being able to articulate complex, feminist ideas about rape, and have likeminded women engage. It felt intellectual and important, while a form of my own conscious raising. As I've aged, I find it harder. I can only say so many things, over and over again. It was never not hard, or depressing, or angering, but where the bad feelings once felt righteous and worth experiencing for the sake of speaking towards truth, now it can feel ineffective and exploitative.

I'm not saying one way is right, the other is wrong. I think (speaking broadly of course) that this is a part of aging. I think there is some truth about the patterns we see between young people and their thoughts and abilities, and then aging out of them. I think, speaking politically, younger and older activists need each other because two perspectives work in congress: the young passion that can be short sighted and ideological, and the elder pragmatism that can fall into complicity. These two perspectives together can be stronger than when apart. It's always more complicated than that, and each person is different, but I do think the trend of "I'm full of energy and angry and shocked and won't faulter" giving way to "I'm going to be measured and find priorities and perhaps become more lenient" is a general trend that is true. You get older and you realize both how short time is and how much longer you get to live it, and constant anger is not only exhausting, but it can be counterproductive. What's more, is that not only do your responsibilities increase, but some of those responsibilities also rub up against the very "machine" you used to rail against. You can achieve a lot with money, and to gain money you have to work. You gain money, you can start increasing your circle of influence, but then that increases the people you need to take care of. You need to take care of people, then you need to buy things. Suddenly, what seemed so easy being young and living off a shoestring budget 10 years ago seems irrational and dangerous today. I need to feed my dog, I need to help my sister, I can't expect my parents to live forever, I want to retire one day, I can bet on declining health...on and on. I'm speaking about myself in many ways, but I'm also trying to gesture to the larger trend generally. Extrapolate as it suits you, I think more of you than you realize will find yourself re-evaluating what actually isn't reconcilable as you get older. It's both hard to swallow and yet...like a toad in boiling water, you're almost not surprised looking back and realizing how much has changed and how right so many adults were when you were younger.

And so to this point, my intellectual posts about rape decreased. Never completely out of the fight, but being more specific about my time, my energy. Opting out of discussions that were too triggering, being more careful about my word choices. Understanding the harm that can come from being combative towards strangers on a public platform. Realizing that some periods of my life could be dedicated to enriching my life and creating enjoyment, and that meant certain things could be put on the backburner. Just because I wasn't writing, doesn't mean I wasn't thinking. I didn't need external validation (especially from strangers on tumblr) that my time was being well spent when it came to observing the news and thinking about it. I know what goes on in my head, putting it into a public post didn't make it more true. I'm not so sure I had the same belief at 22/23/24, etc. I think whether I would have articulated it that way, I think I felt like what went on in my head was meaningless unless it was being crafted into a message that had some sort of impact, with tumblr being my main platform to do that. I don't think that way now. I think my thoughts have value even if I keep them to myself, which means when I really have something I think is worth sharing on tumblr, I can craft it more precisely if and when I find the time. Or at least that's my goal as a 30-something, and I don't think that was as explicit of a goal as a 20-something who just wanted to get every thought down because it felt like my brain was being turned on for the first time.

But something that is coming into focus with the accusations of Gaiman that I haven't really reckoned with, or at least not as much as I have the past 24 hours & past 6 months, is that while I aged privately and passively by blog followed suit, is that the landscape of tumblr has evolved around me. I think there's a trick my brain has played on me: that at the end of the day, something of what I engaged with on radblr 10 years ago still exists. And, yes, to an extent, there are some women here I've followed for the entire time (but they have also aged...). But my followers have increased and decreased and increased and decreased with every stupid post that goes viral, and as I've aged and remained on tumblr, many many more women have aged and bowed out. It's becoming increasingly clear that I have a lot of young women following me who are not my age, and did not see those posts, mine and others. The "classics" that live large in my mind but weren't viral hits, just radblr discourses of the week. Some of these young women have a wildly different online experience than I did, and I think I knew but didn't know know the difference 10 years makes when growing up on the internet. I never had twitter, some of you are "twitter expats." I remember when youtube was people uploading 20 second home videos, some of you only know youtube as the long form video essay platform. I remember events like they were yesterday that are already erased in the public consciousness. Some of you were coming into your own during the "Me Too" movement and gave it so much credence, where I was not surprised nor expected much from it. Now I can see how we retroactively talk about it like it was such a bombshell, when most women I knew at the time, even "normie" women were, like, "yeah duh." I also haven't really reckoned with the fact that it's been long enough era of the "new algorithm" that there are (although young) full-grown adults who don't remember the internet before it.

The conversations I took for granted on tumblr are changing. To be sure, there are still a lot of women on tumblr who are likeminded to myself, making amazing posts that are good, true, & eye-opening. I'm not panicking that the "landscape" has changed so much that I can't recognize anything anyone says anymore, and that ""real"" feminism has dried up and disappeared when I stopped looking. But I want to say some things about rape that I believe are ideas that were shared between a collection of women that I deeply associated with on here a long time ago that maybe isn't explicitly talked about in these terms as frequently as I used to experience. I want to say some things that I used to say all the time that I think I assumed that "everyone knows" I say "these things" and "think these ways" - when maybe I haven't been so explicit in so long that people don't know, or haven't seen me speak these things before.

And so, some thoughts on rape:

Rape as a word is known to be an evil act, and therefore people (men and women) will speak of it as if they are against it. However, rape as it functions in our life is seen as a necessity. This is why people can speak out of two sides of their mouth about it. Rape is a concept of evil, but it is not an evil action. Why? Because women are meant to be raped. This is what's understood: women are inherently rape-able. Women are not sexual beings, they are sexual objects. They are incubators, and they create lust in men, which is what unravels the virture of men.

When a man rapes a women, the ultimate evil is that the man's virtue was corrupted, not the woman's. These ideas aren't explicitly articulated by anyone, but they are patterns at the heart of rape myths. It is a "shame" that a man "lost his will" because he happened across an "object" that "tricked him" into being "bestial", something that is ultimately excusable because man is beast. Is woman beast? No, she is not man.

If a man can resist, he is the paradigm of virtue; if he can't it's because she was too rape-able to remain virtuous. This is how men know they are rapists but don't agree they are rapists. They know they do the necessary action of raping, they disagree it's the same as the agreed upon concept of Rape. Rape that is evil is some monstrous other using these women as they are reserved for men.

When it suits men of a community, they can use this idea against other men they want to other. When it doesn't suit men, no man can be monstrous because all men are brothers, and so rape ceases to exist. You can't rape my daughter, unless you marry her, then do as you please. You can't rape madonnas, unless she is a whore, then do as you please. You can't rape my women, but if they're your women, do as you please. These ideas are not concrete convictions, they will morph to suit the man at the center of the rape accusation. A rapist who date-rapes might very well feel righteous anger when it happens to his sister. He can and will find a way to excuse whatever he did as part of some normal paradigm, a way he must act or should act, or a thing that is excusable for him. The inconsistency of this logic does not matter, because it does not suit him, and therefore does not suit male supremacy.

I say this all because, even though I'm appalled by the reaction of Gaiman's fans online, who are both men and women, and who can only fucking think of how they consume media (truly unbelievable and juvenile), I am simply not surprised. In so many ways, Gaiman's victims were rape-able, and that's why in so many ways his fans can readjust the variables of the situation and come up with some sort of conclusion of how it is rape, but it isn't Rape. Maybe she liked it sometimes, maybe she is misremembering. Maybe he was just confused on the terms of consent.

But what's more important to them is that they give credence to the idea that of course Rape is Evil, because they are good people who must think that way. What they're trying to convince themselves, and what can seem like they are speaking another language, is that this isn't Rape, this is rape. And so it's not that "she is misremembering" means she wasn't raped, but that she was raped in such a way that is the natural order of things. Man, who is a virtuous human and a beast, raped a sexual object who can only expect to exist so long in the world before tempting a man. This seems so obvious to most people. Feminists seem so intense and crazed, because they are centering something that is unnatural to most: a woman's experience as a human, not an object.

It comes natural to these fens to ask: "How can I enjoy my tv show knowing so many people think my hero is a capital R Rapist, when that's philosophical idea on evil and not a material reality, when I don't want people to think I don't take the capital R Rape idea as a serious evil." They are having two conversations in tandem. One is the idea that of course it's possible for Rape to exist, it's possible for some monstrous other to exist, but this man is not a monstrous other, because he is just a man. And men rape, that's just how it goes, because women are rape-able.

I'm condensing many ideas I have about rape into something simplified, for the sake of a tumblr post. And I got there in a circulus way, but I want to encourage the "old guard" who is still here, or women that agree with me above, that although they don't need to, if they have the time to speak more about rape as an intentional weapon against women, to do so. I think there are many ways the political conversation about rape for young women is first happening online, and I think the popular discourse is going sideways. A blind leading the blind moment. This is not a value judgement, but I'm gobsmacked at some things that are said as if they are "given" feminist talking points, that fall outside my understanding of rape as a feminist. Things like equalizing the complicity of Palmer with Gaiman's actions, rationalizing certain sexual proclivities as rooted in some innate sexuality, creating a hierarchy of which actions were worse for which victims, and so on. In many ways, also not surprising, par for the course for how feminism is generally spoken about. What is surprising to me is the confidence of speaking this way, and being convinced of their transgressive ideas. I think feminist online discourse must be so dire that the needle moving to some mid-point in a woman might convince her she's quite enlightened, when there's so much more she could learn. I think this idea that "libfems" are actually women who are clearly anti-feminist has convinced a lot of women that they are "good feminists" by engaging with ideas that are at odds at all with blatant conservatism, that it might be mystifying that they are quite centrist in comparison from many feminist talking points 10 to 20 years ago, at least as it appears to me. I'm speaking broadly, I know, but I had to get some thoughts down. Some angry part of me still exists and I do still feel the need to discuss rape, if only to show some young woman that there really is a deeply radical way you can think of rape that perhaps you hadn't thought of before.

As always, I'm open to critiques about anything in this post.

[miainbetween]

Okay, this is just me writing down sudden realisation that I had about shifting and stuff. I don’t know. Rambling as usual.

Edit: I just had the coolest realisation as I was voice typing so this is mostly unedited to keep the authenticity. I hope you find it helpful.

I just thought about subliminals, let’s say the becoming pretty kind. Think: having fuller lips or prettier nose or maybe even freckles. I remember this time — I was watching a girl’s video (it was a few years back) where she was talking about how she used subliminals to change her appearance and even people started complimenting her and asking her how that happened.

And I’m just like — she just shifted to multiple realities where her features had very little changes until finally she found herself in a reality where: 1) she fitted her own vision of pretty; 2) people, I guess, noticed or were aware of the change in her appearance and gave her external validation.

I mean that that girl created and shifted to her desired reality, completely unaware of it. (Edit: Basically, she just decided — even unconsciously so — that this is where she wanted to go. This is what she wanted to experience. She wanted her appearance changed and she wanted people to notice that. And her reality reflected that.)

Wait…

As I was “writing” this I was like thinking of saying something like “because if you stay in the same reality there is no way that your features would change”. But …. what do you mean? That’s not true. There is no ONE reality. There’s only moments. And they’re constantly shifting—

My ears just started ringing and I’m honestly about to cry. I don’t know. I got so emotional all of a sudden…. I think as I am voice typing this I came to the realisation that there is no ONE reality. (And definitely not one in which you are “stuck”.) There is the universe. And there is being. And you’re constantly shifting whether you want to or not. (It’s inevitable.)

The thing is… YOU decide WHERE you shift to. Not when. Not if. WHERE.

Like… almost on command…

[kibblbread]

AK!Jason doesn’t really like anything.. but he really likes spending time with you.

There isn’t much joy in his life, and when he does experience it, it’s pretty hard to tell. Very hard in fact. When Jason is his absolute happiest it’s truly rare that he’s fully conscious or not coming down from a state of extreme distress and panic.

More recent anecdotes of him happily existing involve him waking up or falling asleep alongside you, preventing a loved one from being fatally hurt, or brutalizing soneone that hurts you. Pretty scary, but these aren’t things he wants to acknowledge in the slightest or ever make known to you. External validation is necessary for him to truly feel good at this point in his life, which is something you’re privy to— just not the extent obviously.

When JT is hardly awake or really beginning to fall into what’ll be a comfortable dreamless sleep, he feels safe and secure enough to relax properly. He’s being held, allowed to be perceivably weak in a way that he deems acceptable. He can bury himself deep into the warmth and softness of your body to be protected from the nipping cold of Gotham.

It’s such a special time for him, a sacred moment that he cherishes.

You are his one precious piece of bliss.

Jason doesn’t acknowledge your gentle scalp rubs and lip balm coated kisses outside of a slight tightening of his grasp on your t-shirt. Greedily and lazily claiming his lover and her kind gestures of affection.

This is the most common and most easily detectable example of happiness from Jason. It’s somewhat complex without any explanation but still worth noting to an observant s/o of JT. I think that Jason himself though wouldn’t identify this experience (or lack of) is actually happening beyond him being happy to snuggle every once in a while. Being able to be excited to be touched instead of anxious or irrationally annoyed, it doesn’t occur to himself how often he’s in a nasty mood.

Preventing a loved one from being hurt only gives a small sense of joy that’s usually overshadowed by guilt and anger. The fact that the situation happened in the first place is somehow his own fault in the mind of Jason. But there are times where you’re able to thank him immediately after the fact, those are the times he can feel ego. That pat on the back is always a major surprise to him! Any gratitude he receives in moments so stressful boost his confidence a lot. When you do that he doesn’t have to much time to think about every specific way he fucked up, instead he’s concentrated on rationalizing why you’re complimenting something that in his head could’ve been somehow avoided.

You give him a quick hug and smile up at his faceless red helmet, telling him things could’ve ended terribly if he hadn’t been there. There is a small ping of joy radiate from within his chest. The positive reinforcement of your small affirming touches and verbal encouragement give pause to the harsh self criticisms. While the ultimate core emotions attached to this moment would be some initial surprise and frustration, there will always be a lingering feeling of pride that he got to be your hero.

As for getting a lick-back for your sake, lol, he’s pretty fucked up about it. Whether it be a lowly henchman/gang member or a notorious villain, he doesn’t know when to let up— or if he wants to. Deep down Jason derives a sick sense of joy from maiming people. It’s not his fault, but it’s his responsibility to face this dark and crooked part of himself. He knows it spooks you, it spooks all his loved ones, but he can’t help it can he? He can’t help being the twisted mangled thing Joker forced him to become.

Jason just wants you to feel safe.

He almost never feels safe so this is a favor from him to you of course..

For you to feel safe around a psycho like him.

[whetstonefires]

My personal take on how we're supposed to understand the role of Wei Wuxian's alternate cultivation method in fucking him up so bad is that:

It's deliberately ambiguous; he never actually does anything that's so utterly out of character it has to be attributed to Evil Energies. And at each stage of deterioration, he always has exciting new traumas precipitating the decline. I think we're set up to expect him to have been more explicitly Corrupted By Dark Magics than he ever turns out to have been, because that's a very standard trope that's being played with. But like, he went into Tunnel Vision Murder Mode just fine on his own, during his effort to get Jiang Cheng back right after the massacre; Wen Ning really struggled to talk him down enough to accept help, and he remained a paranoid mess all the way to Yiling. That's all trauma, no dark magic yet! Equally, a lot of stuff from the Burial Mounds on could be driven in part by direct contact with ghosts and ghouls being bad for his mental health on a spiritual pollution basis. But a lot of it is very definitely PTSD, and the isolating effects of having to keep his disability secret, especially from the person he should be most able to lean on, but can't.

A big part of why it wasn't fucking him up worse was that he'd lost his core. You know how Nie Mingjue died? How the Nie sect leaders usually die? Qi deviation, due to corruption from the resentful spirits of dead animals. Well, actually due to Jin Guangyao, but it followed the expected pattern, and resulted in him losing his mind to the point of killing anyone he could reach. This is a cultivator-specific problem, something that arises from having a cultivation base that gets warped out of true. And the stronger they are, the worse it gets; the more inevitable and extreme the dissolution. The details of the Nie problem are secret, but its underlying principles are common knowledge. Wei Wuxian was uniquely positioned as a talented, experienced cultivator who no longer had a cultivation base to fuck up. Being able to push the corpse path as far as he did without going into a fatal qi deviation or otherwise blowing himself up was due to this special circumstance--normally, anyone with the expertise to operate at that level has built up their cultivation to a high enough level to be vulnerable to corruption, and anyone without a cultivation base to send into deviation has no way to have developed the necessary skills with manipulating energy and so forth. (And probably doesn't have a sufficient background education either, and if they do have the education and yet no cultivation to speak of, they probably lack talent.) Even apart from his unique genius, no one else could have done it. He should have gone crazy and died, years earlier. A cultivator would have. Which was a big part of the reason he didn't really engage on the subject at all, and just focused on deflection and stonewalling everyone, rather than trying to make a case for himself. And why he wasn't taking outside opinions about the risk seriously, because they didn't know what they were talking about, and he couldn't afford for them to think too hard about why they were wrong.

So when he ultimately had the massive murder breakdown, everyone understood it as a purely personal thing that was happening inside of him due to his personal choice to live a self-destructive lifestyle, validating the righteousness of everyone who didn't make that choice. Rather than the result of largely-systemic external forces acting on him and his loved ones to the point that he broke. And society didn't have to assume any responsibility whatsoever.

[teine-mallaichte]

We need to expand our use of dilirium within the whump community I think.

When people see the prompt "dilirium" or "dilirious" in a whump event most jump to fever, illness, infection. And that's fine. That's valid. But there is SO MUCH MORE to dilirium.

Delirium is a complex psychological state that can indeed be triggered by illness and fever, but it can also result from a wide array of other causes. It’s a state where cognition and coherence deteriorate, where reality may start to frey at the edges leaving the whumpee confused, disorientated, maybe unable to even distinguish reality.

You can drive a character into a dilirious state without any external factors. A characters cognition and coherence can be picked to the brink by so many things.

1. Extreme Sleep Deprivation: this is a favourite of mine. A whumpee kept awake for days on end, their cognitive functions begin to deteriorate, the boundary between wakefulness and sleep blurs, leading to fractured and disjointed thought processes. The mind starts to struggle to maintain coherence, resulting in hallucinations and a profound disorientation.

2. Substance Withdrawal: Not one I've explored much, but can totally count. The body and mind in chaos, craving what they can no longer have. The physical symptoms can be brutal, but the psychological torment can drive them into a state of delirium, where reality becomes a shifting, unreliable landscape.

3. Psychological Torture: Another one I tend to gravitate to. Intense psychological manipulation, sensory deprivation or overwhelm can also drive the mind into delirium. Continuous gaslighting, isolation, or exposure to disturbing stimuli can erode a characters grasp on reality, leading to a state where they can no longer distinguish between truth and illusion.

4. Emotional Trauma: this a mental breakdown. Severe emotional trauma pushing a whumpee into a to their mental limits. The overwhelming stress and fear fracturing their mind, causing confusion, disorientation, dissociation, hallucinations as their psyche tries to protect itself and struggles to make sweetheart if what's happened/happening.

5. Overwhelming Physical Pain: Pain, just pain, if relentless and severe enough, can lead to delirium. A whumpee in constant, excruciating pain might find their mind breaking under the strain, leading to confusion, disorientation, and a detachment from reality.

6. Fever: and just because it can't really be left of the list, fever. Infections, illness, etc. But did you know there is more than one kind of dilirium? Yes there is the sick whumpee who is too weak too most and admits all their insecurities and secrets in a slurred disjointed major. But there is also the type of dilirium where the character becomes energetic, erratic behavior, pacing incessantly and speaking rapidly, refusing to rest. Frustrating and worrying for those trying to help.

And this is just the ones of the top of my head. There's so much potential here! And yes this is a very self indulgent and selfish post that I wrote while writing a fic where I am inducing dilirium in a character through acute stress and an identity crisis 😅 but in short - I want to see more varied portrayals of dilirium in whump.

An extension of this post A similar post about hallucinations A similar post about fever

[wvvmrn]

Armin and Annie: Perfect for Each Other

Many people seem to misunderstand or feel confused about Armin and Annie’s relationship. But the author wouldn’t have connected them without careful intention.

Some might find it hard to understand Armin and Annie’s love, but simply assuming it’s because of Bertholdt’s influence isn’t the right approach. It doesn’t align with the story’s emphasis on autonomous, self-driven love. In fact, this behavior is very much in line with Armin’s character. Ideal people often act in ways that don’t make rational sense.

I believe their relationship has roots going back to Season 1, sharing well-crafted, complementary traits. Considering Armin’s development through to the end, this is clearly an intentional relationship established by Isayama from early on. Moreover, they share a relationship that is too meaningful to be simply dismissed.

I’ve reinterpreted the events surrounding them while inferring the author’s intent. I’m not trying to force anyone to agree, just hoping people might take it lightly and see that this is one valid way to understand their connection.

1. Boy Meets Girl

In my view, their relationship was not forced by anyone, but rather portrayed as a natural result of mutual growth and understanding—a journey of self-discovery.

Their bond is built on complementary traits that allow them to admire one another. Annie possesses inner flaws but outward strength, while Armin has outward weaknesses but inner strength. Annie’s vulnerability was an internal cynicism and nihilistic attitude rooted in her troubled family background, while Armin’s vulnerability was an external lack of confidence in being “a weak person,” as revealed through the admiration—tinged with inferiority—he felt toward Eren and Mikasa. This mutual awareness explains why they took notice of each other.

In the ODM inspection scene, Annie shows concern for Armin, and when she learns he plans to join the Survey Corps, a faint sadness flickers across her expression. Armin tells her she’s kind for worrying about him. In that moment, at the very least, he sees her as a good person. Annie, in turn, recognizes Armin’s quiet determination, and he becomes the first to truly notice the hidden kindness within her. They each saw something in the other that quietly stood out. In particular, Armin’s speech in Trost demonstrated the kind of strength to go against the tide—something she deeply admired.

(Annie cared about Armin, and when she heard that he was going to join the Survey Corps, she showed a sad expression.)

Also, through the close-up interviews on AU Smartpass (2014), we gain further insight into how they perceive each other.

— Annie: “Armin... he lacks strength, so is often a hindrance, but he doesn’t complain or ask for help... he has willpower.”

— Armin: “I thought that, Annie, despite coming off as cold and unfriendly, is pretty observant of her surroundings...”

And their interactions in the OAD, we can see that they had a relatively close relationship.

1-1) A Good Person Doesn’t Gamble

Their meaningful interaction was revealed in Stohess, underscoring the bond between them. Armin was able to recognize the Female Titan’s identity just by looking into her eyes. He voluntarily took the initiative to lure Annie out. It seemed he believed he had something within himself that could persuade her. Armin saw through Annie’s inner longing to be a good person and made use of the goodwill she felt toward him. This entire course of action would have been impossible if Armin hadn’t cared about her.

Armin’s gamble was the right one. We may never know how far he had to push her inner world down to make it happen. But Armin cared about Annie, and he was one of the few who could catch even a faint glimpse of the world inside her. She wanted to be a good person, and Armin chose to use the fact that, to him, she already was.

(Even though she was somewhat aware that it was a trap, Annie couldn’t bring herself to refuse to show kindness to Armin.)

(Though the words are directed at Eren, the gaze is fixed on Armin — a deliberate directorial choice.)

(Annie is hurt by Armin’s gaze—their relationship formed through glances.)

(Just as Annie couldn’t bring herself to kill Armin, Armin also couldn’t bring himself to expose Annie’s crime—the discovery of Marco’s ODM gear—for an entire month.)

(Annie couldn’t kill Armin because of an “indescribable something.”)

Annie nearly killed Jean, but she couldn’t bring herself to do the same to Armin—twice. It’s true that she felt a sense of camaraderie with the 104th trainees and tried not to harm them more than necessary. However, it is also a fact that Annie treated Armin in a uniquely special way. Her kindness was focused on Armin—with deliberate narrative intent. Armin represents the humanity that Annie couldn’t let go of, even within her cruelty.

(Right after Annie accepted the mission and during their later reunion, there are depictions of Armin feeling guilt about this matter.)

“Armin, I'm glad I could be a good person to you...”

In that moment, Annie was seized by a sudden, inexplicable sense of liberation. Betrayal, trust, friendship, the charade she had played, even her faith in Armin—all the things that had weighed her down—fell away. She could now betray even the faint trace of hope that remained within her. Just as Armin had. Because they were not necessarily good person, they gambled.

1-2) The Things That Get Us Into Trouble

(A magazine that hints at Annie’s feelings for Armin)

— Armin: “There are also people who are forced into a dilemma because of such special feelings. I realized that those feelings are often made use of... That is why, even if I have someone I like, I won't say it. Because it will end up as a weakness of mine...(close-up interviews on AU Smartpass, 2014)”

Armin spoke about love in this way. His perspective mirrored the situation they found themselves in: Annie, caught up in that “indescribable something” she felt toward Armin, had ended up putting herself in a difficult position.

It was a momentary whim. For a brief time, she placed being a good person to Armin above returning to her father. This choice ultimately led to her downfall. Armin, too, was unable to reveal her alleged guilt for an entire month. Deep down, he denied or wished to ignore the possibility that the enemy might be Annie. Even after her true identity was uncovered, he still tried to communicate with her. Whether this was mere camaraderie or something more cannot be determined. But at the very least, it was clear that something was unfolding between them.

In the Female Titan arc, Annie was portrayed as a monster alongside Eren, while her human side was emphasized through Armin. I felt that Annie and Armin were connected on a deeply human level.

Armin represented the humanity that Annie still couldn’t fully let go of. However, after the Battle of Stohess District, Armin realized that while he could love Annie as a human, he could not love her as a monster. Armin was responsible for the blood spilled by the Survey Corps that day.

1-3) The Monster and the Good Person

Of course, at this stage, it’s not certain whether they were already in love. However, it’s clear that they regarded each other as somewhat special—and that there was a genuine human affection between them.

In particular, Annie’s feelings for Armin are expressed quite openly. For example, she deliberately directs her gaze toward him when she mentions “the feelings of a feeble maiden.” And she couldn’t bring herself to kill Armin because of that indescribable something she felt.

​Furthermore, Armin was the first person to recognize Annie’s kindness—to see her as a good person. He was the only one who treated her as a girl, not as a weapon. That might seem like a small detail, but to someone starved of affection, those words must have been a true source of comfort.

However, due to the cynicism shaped by her difficult family background, Annie was unable to fully understand her own emotions, while Armin was a boy who hid his feelings because of his particular view on love. This likely served as the author’s justification for portraying their relationship in such a complex and nuanced way.

​Personally, I believe Armin symbolized the kind of person Annie aspired to be—a good person. Their relationship repeatedly invokes the metaphor of the “monster” and the “good person.” At this point in the story, it’s enough to understand that they either hadn’t fully recognized their feelings yet—due to emotional immaturity or conflicting circumstances—or that their bond simply carried the potential to blossom into love.

2. Bertholdt Effect

I believe the author introduced the so-called 'Bertholdt effect' only to explicitly refute it—just as Mikasa’s obsessive attachment to Eren was ultimately revealed to be nothing more than simple love, not driven by any deeper or mysterious cause. There are far more reasons to reject that theory than to accept it.

“(To Eren, who asks about Bertholdt’s memories) Nothing that seemed useful.”

Considering how inconsistently memory inheritance works, it’s unlikely that Armin inherited much from Bertholdt’s memories. The inheritance period was relatively short—only four years—and Armin isn’t even related to Bertholdt by blood. There are no scenes explicitly showing Armin accessing inherited memories—only indirect implications. In fact, not a single scene depicts him actively using Bertholdt’s memories.

From 845 to 850, Ymir had little to no access to Marcel’s memories, and Eren also took a long time to recall his father’s. Armin had no knowledge of Marley or the Warriors. In fact, he even admitted that he couldn’t retrieve anything useful from Bertholdt’s memories. His awe and wonder when he first saw the ocean — and again when he arrived in Marley — remained completely genuine. The memories of the world outside the walls must have been either nonexistent or extremely faint. The closer we get to Armin’s early visits to Annie’s crystal, the less likely it becomes that Bertholdt’s memories played any role. To explain it as Bertholdt’s doing would be not only ironic, but also misguided. It’s simply not the right approach.

Considering Annie’s isolated personality and withdrawn attitude, it’s unlikely that Armin would have inherited any deep or meaningful memories of her. In fact, those memories would probably have differed little from the way Armin perceived Annie back in their cadet days. Therefore, the claim that he fell in love with her solely because of Bertholdt’s memories — without any genuine feelings of his own — is ultimately unconvincing.

Of course, that doesn’t mean he saw nothing at all—but it certainly wasn’t to the extent Eren implied. It didn’t have a profound impact on him. Rather, Armin’s actions appear to be guided by his own will.

Personally, I believe the memories Armin inherited were mostly from Paradis Island: memories of training with his friends, moments when they felt guilt and helplessness, and especially the trauma of causing Marco’s death. These would have helped Armin, someone who constantly seeks understanding, empathize with the Warriors.

This could be considered a set of “useless” memories that, while not significantly impacting the story (such as Armin obtaining information about the Warrior Unit in Marley from Bertholdt’s memories), help him better understand the Warriors’ perspective.

2-1) A Lie in the Guise of Truth

The idea of inheriting someone else’s emotions is simply absurd. Porco didn’t care about Historia during the Paradis infiltration, and Eren never felt Grisha’s guilt toward Zeke. Armin and Reiner didn’t share a deep bond either. If inheriting emotions were truly possible, the Reiss and Tybur families—who have passed down the Titan powers for generations—would be plagued by incest. And if Erwin had eaten Bertholdt, would he have fallen in love with Annie?

Why would something never shown anywhere else in the story suddenly apply only to Armin—and only in the context of love? Especially when the sole basis for this claim is Eren’s lie.

Everything else shapes Armin’s identity, yet the feeling of love for Annie alone is supposed to belong to Bertholdt. That would require a massive leap in both the scope and impact of memory inheritance—so it’s simply not a reasonable explanation.

The timing of Armin inheriting Bertholdt’s power was merely coincidental or due to circumstantial factors, and Eren exploited that coincidence to support his lie. This seems to be a source of confusion for many people. The creator deliberately planted narrative devices to heighten the shock and plausibility of the “table scene.” These were intentional misdirections—crafted to appear believable.

• The special bond of the Ackermans, and Mikasa’s headaches.

• The highly contrived scene where Mikasa subdues Armin.

• Eren’s ambiguous feelings toward Mikasa and the line, “Mikasa, I’ve always hated you.”

• Armin’s ambiguous feelings toward Annie, and the deliberately unclear timing of his visits to her crystal.

This is a narrative device crafted to make Eren’s lie feel convincing. By first presenting shocking claims to draw the audience in, and then later refuting them, the story reestablishes a sense of justification. Consequently, the emotional threads initially implied may appear subtle or even suspicious—but in hindsight, they can be read either as genuine emotional hints or as narrative evidence of deception.

This is especially true if we focus on Armin’s situation. First, Eren needed to confuse Armin to gain control over the conversation. And to keep readers immersed, the story had to make that confusion plausible. The ambiguous timing of Armin’s visits to the crystal also served to make his love appear sudden.

The limited depiction of Armin’s emotions serves a similar purpose. Looking at Armin’s view on love from the close-up interview on AU Smartpass—“...That is why, even if I have someone I like, I won't say it. Because it will end up as a weakness of mine...”—we can understand this intention to some extent.

It’s highly likely that Eren’s claim about the “Bertholdt effect” was a lie. Considering that he lied to Mikasa to push her away, it makes perfect sense that he’d do the same to Armin—using emotional manipulation. There’s no reason to think he’d suddenly be honest with Armin and Armin alone. After all, Eren didn’t truly want to hurt him.

This also implies that Annie was a significant figure to Armin. Eren used her as a tool to wound him emotionally—which only works if Annie genuinely mattered to him. If Armin hadn’t truly loved her, Eren would have chosen a different method.

This is later admitted once again by Eren. The fact that Zeke indirectly denies the so-called “Bertholdt effect,” followed immediately by Armin’s confession in the very next episode, reveals a deliberate narrative intention.

Armin had already suspected that Eren was lying. Unlike Mikasa, he didn’t waver in the face of Eren’s harsh words—he seemed confident in his own emotions. Furthermore, when Annie’s crystal was undone, Armin initially regarded her as a potential threat. More importantly, he prioritized rescuing Falco. He was never controlled by anyone, nor did he abandon his responsibilities due to personal feelings.

In the confession scene between Armin and Annie, their conversation revolves around the concept of being a “good person.” This alone makes it clear that the dialogue is uniquely theirs. It also confirms that their relationship, which began as early as Season 1, held deep emotional significance. Mikasa, too, disregarded Eren’s words and supported their relationship.

While it’s true that Bertholdt’s memories helped Armin understand Annie better, dismissing Armin’s visits and the love that grew from them as merely the result of Bertholdt’s influence is inappropriate. Such a view completely ignores Armin’s unique personality and his own free will.

3. Armin’s Motivation

(An official voice drama depicting Armin going to see Annie while Eren watches — could this be where Eren’s idea at the table scene originated?)

The exact timing of Armin’s first visit to Annie is unclear—it could have been either before or after the retaking of Wall Maria and his inheritance of the Colossal Titan. However, the voice drama is believed to take place shortly after they saw the ocean, and based on what is said in the dialogue, it’s clear that Armin had already been visiting her regularly. While it’s not certain, I currently estimate the timing to be shortly after the medal ceremony.

This is based on several clues: Armin is depicted wearing his medal, and It might have functioned as a kind of authorization to visit. the emotional impact of Floch’s accusations, and the hairstyles of both Hitch and Armin during that time.

3-1) Escalation of Mental Burden

According to Isayama’s Q&A interview (2015), Armin would often scream alone in the forest to release stress. From this, we can imagine Armin speaking to Annie in her crystal. It is also a hint that their relationship was kept in mind. The main reason Armin visited her was to find emotional solace—not just to comfort her or because of some “Bertholdt effect,” but because it aligned with his own emotional needs.

At the time, Armin was under immense psychological strain. Consider how he mentally broke down when the Okapi Titan captured him. He experienced killing for the first time. And he also had to ate Bertholdt, who was once his friend. Eren was changing rapidly. Being chosen instead of Erwin made him feel the weight of countless critical gazes. Armin sought out Annie to relieve that mental burden.

Listen closely to what Armin says in front of Annie’s crystal—in the anime and official voice dramas. He shares his worries and talks about himself while holding the conch shell. Even in a cruel world, we see a version of Armin who still dreams of understanding and hope.

3-2) The Trait of Never Giving Up on Understanding

Another reason lies in Armin’s relentless pursuit of understanding. He genuinely wanted to understand Annie. To him, there was something about her that couldn’t be explained by the simple label of “enemy.” That something was the kindness she had shown him. Annie couldn’t bring herself to kill Armin—yet Armin had, in a way, driven her to her death. Their roles had reversed, and the contradiction lingered in his mind, accompanied by a guilt he couldn’t quite name.

The expansion of the world gave Armin a broader perspective and deeper longing—but also more concerns. To him, Annie was like a forest. The fact that she showed him kindness despite being an enemy reminded him that she wasn’t simply evil. As someone who tries to understand others, Armin naturally wanted to understand her. That desire drove him to visit her.

It seems Armin believed in the warmth he once sensed from Annie. And he projected his ideals onto that warmth. His desire to understand her reminded him of his longing for the unknown and his hope for dialogue. Perhaps that’s why he so desperately sought to know her reasons—why she had to do what she did. Armin might have been trying to find the real Annie, the person beyond all the guilt and bloodshed. Just like when he once retrieved a conch shell from a sea of blood.

3-3) How to Love a Monster

Considering Armin’s willingness to communicate, his persistent spirit of understanding, his ways of coping with mental burdens and stress, and the feelings he harbored since Season 1, it is reasonable to conclude that this love arose from Armin’s own will, independent of external influence. Bertholdt’s memories may have accelerated Armin’s understanding, but not his emotions — and the judgment of that understanding has always been Armin’s own.

After the Raid on Liberio, Armin gained a deeper understanding of the Warriors’ perspective and grew into someone capable of empathizing with both sides. He felt compassion not only for Annie, but also for Bertholdt — the very person who had trampled his homeland, killed many of his comrades, and nearly brought him to death’s door. Yet, they had once been friends. The story consistently emphasizes that they weren’t so different; with just a shift in perspective, they could have remained friends — just as they were during their cadet days. When Hitch tells Annie, “I heard your story from Armin,” it becomes clear that Armin had already come to truly understand them.

Though they couldn’t hold each other physically, they were deeply connected mentally. Armin’s confession of his sins to Annie feels reminiscent of a confessional booth — projecting his inner turmoil onto her, seeking comfort, and trying to console the “monsters” they had become. Just as Annie maintained her sanity through Armin’s presence, Armin found emotional support in her. Given the human affection they shared since their training days, it’s only natural that Armin’s feelings for Annie developed into genuine love over. He built this love slowly and healthily.

Any sense of moral superiority between Armin and Annie had lost its meaning. Now, Armin and Annie faced each other as monsters. To fully accept her was, in essence, to understand himself. I believe that from this moment on, Armin was finally able to truly comprehend his own feelings. What remained unchanged were his feelings. In a turbulent world, the one thing he held onto was love. It was all he could accept.

“Annie, please... say something.” Armin said that as he gently held the conch shell.

4. The Author’s Intention

“Are you human or are you titans—are you a good person, or a monster?”

The charm of “AruAni” lies in their complementary traits and the dynamic way their relationship emotionally evolves depending on the circumstances. It is a subtle yet deeply engaging bond that makes understanding them all the more rewarding. Armin embodies the idealistic side for Annie, while Annie brings a sense of realism to Armin. Furthermore, their perspectives on what it means to be a “good person” enrich the story by exploring the nuances of good and evil, as well as complex moral dilemmas.

In short, the feelings that began as a simple human connection during their cadet days gradually blossomed into love over the four years Armin spent visiting Annie in the crystal. That love ultimately came to fruition as they faced the end of the world together. Their relationship is not rooted in moral superiority, but in mutual understanding. It is a healthy bond grounded in emotional connection and shared growth.

4-1) Fix You

This dynamic between Armin and Annie encapsulates the core message of the series. Thematically, it suggests the possibility of an ideal world—where hatred transforms into love through mutual understanding. On a personal level, it symbolically represents the recovery of humanity: the journey of those who were forced to become monsters—child soldiers swept up in an era of war—gradually becoming human again through empathy and understanding.

This is also why I see their relationship as clearly intentional. Considering that Armin is both the narrator and the one who bears the burden of survival, it seems the author always intended him to symbolize reconciliation between those inside and outside the Walls. When this concept is scaled down to the personal level, it becomes a story of hatred and love between individuals—with Annie being the most fitting counterpart. Their relationship connects silence and conversation, and even if peace on a global scale may be impossible, it shows that the chain of hatred can still be broken on a personal level.

Attack on Titan is a story that emphasizes agency in love rather than blind affection. If Armin’s love had been forced upon him by someone else, he would never have confessed it, and Isayama would never have portrayed it positively. Armin and Annie’s relationship represents, in a narrow sense, personal growth through understanding and love; in a broader sense, it shows the process of rebuilding hatred into love—and ultimately peace—through dialogue. It is no coincidence that Armin was chosen to guide the world toward peace.

​

5. My Own Take

Armin and Annie’s relationship blurs the line between good and evil through the metaphor of the monster and the good person, creating a moral dilemma. What we should focus on is not who is more deserving, but the process by which hatred transforms into love through understanding. It is, at its core, simply the process of one human learning to love another.

The bond between Armin and Annie is the story of “monsters” who longed to become “good person.” To understand each other was, in turn, to understand themselves. Just as Armin picked up a conch shell in a sea of blood, he saw the girl within the monster named Annie.

And he is a boy who chooses to live in a cruel world for the sake of beauty. The love with Annie symbolizes that very way of life for Armin. Through Armin, Annie was able to rediscover her true self. That’s why she was able to break free from her cynicism and make a choice that defied the flow. Recovering Armin from a life stained with regret made her truly alive again

5-1) When You’re Fallin’, You Can’t Dance

“I'd do it all over again.”

All of her actions, it’s said, were not driven by some grand cause to save the world—but simply by the desire to return to her father. For the sake of what was precious to her, she trampled on what was precious to others. Even as she was overwhelmed by guilt and despair at the corpses left in her wake, she admitted she would do it all over again. If it meant seeing her father again.

That was the true nature of the monster named Annie Leonhart—utterly selfish, yet profoundly realistic; almost small-minded in a way. She was still just a “regular people.” It was the burden of a vast current she could not resist, and a cry against her own cynicism.

Annie saw Armin as a good person while regarding herself as a monster. Because of this, she may have felt unworthy of being by Armin’s side. Alongside the compulsion to see herself as a “monster,” Annie also longed to be a “good person.” Her cynicism and avoidance slowly eroded her sense of identity each time she drifted further from that ideal.

But Armin took her hand. He did not deny her monster side, and he accepted his own monster as well. It was a process of accepting each other as they truly were. In a world filled with violence, this was the power and value of understanding and empathy. It was at this moment that Annie named that “indescribable something” by the name of love. Annie sat beside Armin once again.

Armin, too, had lost his humanity countless times under the banner of saving mankind. He knew all too well that he was not a good person. He carried with him an overwhelming sense of guilt—voices not only of soldiers, but of civilians, sometimes even children, and at times, of his own homeland, comrades, and friends.

There was no such thing as a “good person.” What existed were only people—and those who wished to be human. Much less would a monster ever blush.

Annie’s growth lies in her realization of the importance not only of her father but also of her comrades and Armin. She breaks free from her cynical attitude and begins to seek her true self. Until then, she had merely been one of the “regular people,” drifting along with the current—but through Kiyomi’s words and Falco’s help, she finally found the strength to resist it. At the end of that choice stood Armin—whose heart is connected to hers (Guidebook, 2021).

— Annie: “...On the contrary, if I could find one, maybe this meaningless world... might become a little better(close-up interview on AU Smartpass, 2014).”

Morning and evening. Our lives may be nothing more than a cycle filled with emptiness. And yet, if there is anything that can make life rich, it is love. If Annie could find someone truly precious within her nihilistic world, then perhaps that very meaninglessness could finally give rise to meaning. A meaning that allows one to live for tomorrow, with a sense of hope—like Zeke simply playing catch, or like their childhood selves running toward that tree on the hill. Armin is someone who can find meaning in the meaningless, and for Annie, he was that person all the more.

She seemed as if she were dreaming of an escape with her lover—like Eren and Mikasa's life in the cabin. In a world where there was nothing left for her to love, it felt like she just wanted to stay with Armin. But just as Mikasa couldn't stop Eren's advance, Armin too must move toward the conclusion of his choice, and Annie cannot stop him. Armin, too, understood Annie’s fragile heart and wished for her to find peace rather than pain, so he didn’t stop her from leaving. Mikasa cared for them because she knew better than anyone what it meant to carry such regret while moving forward.

There can be no paradise where you escaped and arrived. Just as Paradis Island was never a true paradise for the Eldians, Hizuru-the land Annie's ship was bound for—was never going to be hers. Her paradise was no longer a place, but a "form."

Mikasa's growth lies in letting go of Eren, while Annie's lies in being with Armin. Annie was able to be honest with herself through Armin. She no longer felt bound by the compulsion to see herself as a “monster,” or the yearning to be a “good person.” Because of this, she made a choice without regret. The bird broke the boat sailing on regret—her former self—and flew toward her own “life.”

This imagery evokes the themes of Demian. Armin is a central figure who breaks down the boundary between good and evil—there are no good person, only those who are useful. It was this Armin that Annie found at the end of her journey toward personal growth.

This was something only Armin could give Annie, which is why I believe their relationship holds an even deeper meaning. Without Armin, those four years of conversation would have been meaningless. The complexity and mutual understanding between them moved Annie’s heart precisely because it was Armin—no one else.

"I'm glad, Annie... should just keep on being Annie."

Armin is a character who places great importance on “beauty” in a world that is both beautiful and cruel. He saw kindness in Annie, and even after she became a “monster,” she never lost that kindness toward him. Believing in that beauty and investing his ideals in it, Armin began to see Annie in a new light. As long as he could believe that beauty was real, he was fully capable of loving her.

In the scene where Armin speaks to Annie’s crystal, he’s holding a conch shell in his hand. The conch shell symbolizes his ideals. It also serves as a clear narrative device affirming that his conversation with Annie stems from his own identity. This reflects Armin’s understanding of, and hope for, the unknown that is “Annie Leonhart”—a hope that ultimately encompasses love. The human inner world is like another ocean.

Armin was the reward for the humanity Annie never let go of, and Annie was the realization of the conch shell Armin used to hold—his ideals, hope, beauty, and love—even if they once seemed like empty idealism.

A boy who once longed for the world beyond the Walls falls in love with a girl from beyond them. This is that kind of story. To find love on the side of hatred, to be with someone who came from beyond the Walls—could there be any ending more fitting for Armin?

Eren and Mikasa’s relationship holds significance in the progression of the story, while Armin and Annie’s relationship carries meaning in its resolution. Their love resembles the process of rebuilding what has been reduced to ruins—whether it be the heart, or the world.

​

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post. I hope it was helpful to you.

[zzencat]

Why Do I Still Feel Unsatisfied? - Timeless Reading (for anyone)

When things are content and slow, going normally as one would expect, you still feel like there’s something not quite right—something missing. Now what? Are you supposed to be happy? You have everything you need…what is there to complain about? Why is life so stale? So boring? Am I doing enough in my life? What is this stagnant energy?

Note: Social media may have an influence on these feelings.

- Remember: clear your mind. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, fill up your chest to the fullest, feel the air brush against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out. Choose the photo that you can’t take your eyes off of.

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Pile 1. To Speed Up or To Slow Down.

You might be in denial. You try to think that you’re okay and you’re doing well enough—you have everything you need to survive, so what’s the matter with you? What’s the hold up? Are you going out on the weekends to the same places? Maybe repeating the same old routine, with or without friends? Perhaps you’re staying home and indulging in the same habits every weekend. Why are you just lounging around in the kitchen or living room with an oversized shirt and running your hands through your hair, wondering what to do now that you have time? It’s getting boring and you need some spice to your life.

Try looking into a hobby that you had interest in during childhood. Maybe you were shunned for having a such an interest. Do you do a lot of online shopping? Have you ever wanted to start your own business or clothing line? Honestly, to me it feels like you’re financially stable or on your way there and you know you will be. But it feels passionless. Maybe you had passion in the beginning and it died out. The excitement wasn’t there anymore, or maybe you had to be in this profession because you had to. To impress parents, guardians, the people around you. I feel like this group could do well with a side hustle or multiple. You seem like well-adaptable people so you could deal with the uncertainty and unpredictability. You also seem very friendly, like a team player type of person. You do what your told, and have small moments where you count as “rebellious.” Perfectionistic. My mind keeps going back to this…maybe you want to open up your own online shop? Or clothing/beauty brand or business? You might struggle when things get too quiet at a hangout with your friends or other people, maybe feeling pressured to say something or lighten the mood. For some reason, it’s always your responsibility to do something. Who put that on you? Where did you learn that from? That you should take charge and try to do something or else it’s your fault? Why do you feel inclined to do that? These would be good questions to think about.

The Challenge For You: Pick up a hobby and perfect it. It helps to record yourself working on this hobby, mistakes and all, and post it somewhere where people can see. Closest friends, family, or complete strangers. The reaction will make your more relatable and you’ll gain a lot of support. I’m seeing a soft smile and a genuine pat (“you’re doing good! you got this!” vibe) from your friends or people online. For example, “Day 1 of playing the violin” or “Day 30 of frisbee throwing”. This group seems to be heavily reliant on validation, internal or external. You need people to be there to see when you’re doing well, and people shouldn’t see your mistakes and if they do, you’ll try to move on while beating yourself up in your head. Very perfectionistic and while this helps you in your career or professional life, you should allow yourself to make mistakes, laugh about it, and be more soft towards yourself. Perhaps you got shamed for making a bunch of mistakes when you were younger, taught that mistakes aren’t okay and that you should be perfect, but all the energy here—from my spirit team to yours—is telling you that it’s okay to not get it the first time. Humans are meant to adapt and grow. There’s no fun in getting something the first time around. It’d be beginner’s luck. It’s about the journey and what you put into it that will add tremendously to your charm. It makes you human and it makes you, you. So learn to forgive yourself and build up that confidence.

Points of Interest: xxfj vibes, but mainly isfj/infj, nurse, libra, middle person/mediator, trying to get out there more, lowkey don’t want to socialize all the time but is forced to (whatever this may mean to you, take it), needing validation from others bc your own doesn’t count, suppression, “busy is good”, inner loneliness, void in heart, helping others but not yourself, “was it always this quiet or was i just used to the noise?”, slow down, hustle culture, “this is what I should be doing” (very vague, could mean different things…but this definitely applies to people in this pile), people pleaser…messy hair, in a rush, busy, busy, busy…“Damn it- why isn’t this thing working?!”, coffee, too much coffee, “dude, are you okay?”, stress, “living life in the fast lane as they say…” (for some reason, maria by justin bieber came up- we got any beliebers in here?), social media, parents, boss, workplace, Jane(?), idk why the black mirror episode called “joan is awful”, “I’ll take what I can get”, don’t want to burden other people, fear of humiliation, standards on other people are not as high as the standard you put on yourself, anxious, always moving, check, check, check…restless energy, “it’s on me”, responsibility…

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Pile 2. “I guess…” is not an answer.

This pile floats between pile 1 and 3 but leaning towards 1. The people in this group could share many of the same doubts and feelings as pile 1. But I will say, if you felt drawn to all or any of the other two alongside this one, I suggest you reading those as well. This gives me very infp vibes. Shy but likes to/would like to dress up a bit more, follow the fashion culture, find your own style. There’s a bit of a childlike nature to this group and I’m not sure what it is. Like maybe a financial insecurity or you want to date someone really badly. Like a person who watches a bunch of kdrama’s but never goes outside OR you do go outside and you don’t have the balls to ask someone out. I’m getting couch potato but a cute one. Curled up in a blanket and binge watching in bed. Watching other people chase their dreams and goals while you’re still wondering what yours are. Do you binge-watch a lot of shows or movies? I feel confused reading this pile, as if I’m supposed to be looking for something but I’m either not mature enough or I just don’t know what to look for. Probably struggles with parasocial-ness. Very online, maybe chronically online, if I might add. Maybe you’ve never gone out on a date before. If you did, you’d be super awkward, say something dumb on accident, giggle too much, or just full on shy, laughing a lot, red faced. Do you struggle with a lot of anxiety? A lot of daydreaming or fantasizing. If your friends ask you to go out with them, you either say yes immediately or you make up an excuse of why you can’t go just to lounge at home. But I feel frustrated. I don’t know where to look. Maybe you prefer to rock out with your headphones, blast music, and have a dance party in your room by yourself. Timid. Can be sassy at times. Probably dramatic. Do you still live with your parents, by any chance? I’m getting middle class to lower upper class, maybe even upper (but a lot less so.) Kind of spoiled energy. Maybe people have done things for you your whole life or have chosen the path for you to be on already. Maybe they’ve made decisions for you your whole life.

The Challenge For You: Go outside more and be more observant of people, especially if you think you struggle with social ineptness. If you’re timid, maybe your voice is too quiet that it draws people’s attention or you’re so anxious that you do something loud or reckless that captures attention. Do you have an interest in something that you could capitalize on? Like something in the arts? Maybe you can sell art online, draw for people, get yourself out there without engaging in fights online—it’s not worth your time, I promise. Put your phone down and read a book. Find something you like outside your phone or on any of your devices. This group seems constantly overstimulated with devices that you can never just sit and stare at the wall for a minute. It would help for you to think about the future for a little bit, even if it overwhelms you. If you’re in high school, get a part time job or do research on something you like. Practice gratitude and acknowledge the things that you have that others don’t. There’s a lot of immaturity, emotionally as well, in this pile, like you haven’t figured yourself out yet and you’re just waiting for things to fall into place. If I had to sum this up, it would be to pursue something that you can’t let go of and don’t let other people decide for you. Be more assertive and work on leadership skills. Work on time management as well. Laziness could also be an issue. Find yourself.

Points of Interest: infp vibes, dreamy, pursed lips, fidgeting, immaturity, “maybe if I dress normal, I’ll look normal”, dresses in all black, oversized shirts, beanies(?), don’t bring attention to me, small handwriting or circular letters, pink lead pencil, makes hearts on your “i’s”, secret romantic, easily jumps to conclusions, expectations, “daddy bought it for me”, be more thankful, ambition where?, do something you love and make a job out of it, oversleeping, “i don’t wanna think about it”, impulsivity, anxiousness, effort, purpose, going with the flow…

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Pile 3. “Let’s get this over with.”

Feeling very much a laaaarge lack of energy here. Very drained pile—emotionally, physically, mentally, some or all. Sometimes you feel it’s tiring to keep smiling, like you have to force it to seem okay. You’re in need for some warmth in your life, maybe some hugs or people telling you they’ll be there for you (and mean it), but you may or may not express this need to people; I’m mostly feeling that you keep to yourself a lot, not wanting to burden people. Very introverted energy, like “I’m just here” energy. If you go out, you don’t talk a lot or you need a drink/substance to help you loosen up and talk/act. Are you always tired? Staying up late and staring at a screen, or struggling with insomnia? Or it’s the opposite and you sleep too much—the whole day. Lethargic energy. There’s not much to say about this pile because I think you already know what to do, you just struggle. This could be a health issue or concern that you’re not taking seriously. Are you taking vitamins? I’m getting a zombie or very sedated state. Skin losing color and dark eye bags or under eye circles. Could struggle with depression. You don’t want to be forgotten but you want to be alone. You’re okay with solitude. Maybe you struggle with motivation in general, or motivation to take care of yourself, again, health is coming up—other people could be concerned about you and they tell you or they don’t. I would take a closer look regarding your friend group and maybe reconsider who you’re letting in your world. They could be impacting you for worse. You could be good at photography or have an interest in it. Half-assing most projects or assignments. You probably answer texts late, never answer, or give really short responses. I’m getting the sense that you really just want to exist without judgment or being perceived. Like living like a ghost and move through life seamlessly. You could have a knack for pc games or computer science. Either way, take a shower. You might feel cold often or experience coldness easier than your friends.

The Challenge For You: Join clubs where you know no one. Go alone and make it a secret space for yourself and go for at least 8 months. You’ll find that it can be therapeutic. Yoga classes with old ass ladies can help since they’re just focused on stretching. Find some friends that are ambitious but unmovable, like good leaders. They could influence you to take better care of yourself. Next, find friends that actually care about you and your health, not the “do whatever you want; it’s your life” type of friends. You should visit a sauna some time or go on vacation to a warm-hot country. You could even move there and you would be even slightly happier than now. I would encourage you to seek therapy—with a GOOD therapist. Either you haven’t had the interest or time or you haven’t had a good experience with therapy at all—do not give up. Maybe a counselor at school works. If not, move onto the next option. Confide in better friends, friends that can physically help you get up and move out of your slump, not ones that encourage/enable the bad habits. It’s time to turn your life around pile 3—I seriously think that I don’t need to be telling you these things cuz you already know. You’re definitely not dumb- you just lack motivation. Talk to someone about it or find friends that force you to change your life for the better, the ones that drag you out to go to the park with them. Get out of your comfort zone and start moving. Get that blood moving around your body—someone needs to force you to run, but after a shake rich in protein.

Points of Interest: headphones (maybe AirPod max), cozying up in the corner where people can’t see you, smoking, grey skies, crows, photography, good camera, still camera, cold hands, bitten nails, blue fingers, shrugs, poor blood circulation, pale skin, eating issues (eating too little or too much), needing dopamine and finding easy ways to get it, “i don’t care”, still lack of motivation, sunshine, grumpiness, unchanged sheets, old white tank top (for some reason), your room could use some cleaning, exercise…

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That is all!! I hope you have enjoyed. Feedback is heavily appreciated and I would love to see what pile you chose in your reblogs! As a new reader, I’d like to get as accurate as possible when it comes to picking up energy and doing these readings for you. Remember to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t! Let me know what was accurate for you :) Thank you for coming to my Teddytalk today. (sorry it’s a lame joke ik jsfkdjs)

[talonabraxas]

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” ― Lao Tzu

Galactic Sun Center Talon Abraxas

Saturn in Aries 2025-2028

Saturn moves into Aries on May 24, 2025, where it will remain until September 2, 2025. During this window of time, we will get a brief glimpse into the lessons and gifts of Saturn in Aries. Saturn will later return to Aries in February 15, 2026, where it will remain until April 14, 2028.

Saturn moving into a new sign of the zodiac indicates the opening of a new generational cycle that can help us to level up and reach a new point of mastery. Saturn is considered the Lord of Karma, and tends to press on areas of our lives that we need to step up and take greater responsibility for.

Saturn highlights where we need to do the most growing and encourages us to rise up and take ownership of the life we want to lead.

In Aries, Saturn will be guiding us to work on our impulses, the speed at which we do things, our level of confidence and motivation, and our willingness to take leaps of faith and start new things.

Saturn’s presence in Aries may create a feeling of inertia, stuckness, and even a lack of confidence, but this is only to bring these qualities out from deep within us.

Let’s take a deep dive into Saturn’s journey through Aries, and what we can expect.

Saturn in Aries 2025-2028

Aries is the leader of the zodiac. It is fast-moving, loves starting new things, and relies on its impulses. Saturn, on the other hand, is all about moving slowly and steadily in order to achieve its goals. It is calculated and risk-averse. It wants to understand the ins and outs before moving ahead.

Saturn in Aries could definitely slow things down and put a dampner on all the new ventures or projects we wish to pursue. Saturn will want to enforce boundaries and restrictions and make sure we are following the rules to the letter.

Impulsive Aries may struggle with this notion. Aries is a risk taker and wants to leap ahead into new, unchartered territory. It is bold and confident and believes in itself. Saturn will push the pause button, and its cautious nature may even instill some self-doubt.

While this sounds like a challenging dynamic to work with, there are many gifts that this energy dynamic can bring.

Gifts of Saturn in Aries

In Aries, Saturn will be teaching us to sharpen our instincts and impulses. If we have been too rash, headstrong, or impulsive, Saturn in Aries will help to temper this so we can better listen to our instincts and intuition.

Saturn in Aries may slow us down and deflate our confidence for a period, but it will also get us to focus on finding a deeper strength and inner self-worth. We will have to dig through the layers to access new portals of confidence and self-determination. We may find that we are able to shed confidence that comes from our ego, or from external validation, and instead find something purer and more unwavering.

By the time Saturn is wrapped up with its journey in Aries, we very well could feel a new, mature confidence in our abilities and what we wish to achieve. We may feel that we know ourselves better and have found a new strength from within.

Saturn in Aries can also narrow our focus, helping us to align with projects and ventures that truly serve us. Aries energy can sometimes be scattered and erratic, causing us to spread ourselves too thin or uncertain of what to be a part of. Sometimes, Aries energy is good with starting projects but not following through.

Saturn will help with this by allowing us to follow through and bring new projects and ideas to their completion point. We may find projects or decisions that we begin under this alignment have a greater chance of standing the test of time as Saturn will implore us to put in the hard work and stick it through.

Ultimately, Saturn in Aries will allow us to feel more grounded, more aligned, and more in tune with our impulses and intuition. It will also give us the stamina to follow through on the new ventures or leaps of faith that we do take.

Saturn in Aries Themes

On the world stage, Saturn represents authority, law enforcement, and rules and regulations. In Aries, we could see a fiery rise in support of or against these areas. There may be more unrest or distrust when it comes to how the law is enforced. Long-standing laws and regulations may also be challenged.

Aries can bring combative energy, which may resist or try to go up against Saturn’s more grounded and practical nature. Aries will want to fight and can cause heated emotions to rise, whereas Saturn will want to take a more methodical and practical approach.

Saturn will not give much room to entertain the heated emotions of Aries, and will instead want to follow logic, structure, and order.

Saturn in Aries can also help societies to create more sustainable products and ventures as we use the innovation from Aries coupled with the grounded, responsible nature of Saturn.

We may start to notice a greater push towards sustainability and supporting businesses and practices that consider the long-term consequences.

Saturn in Aries may also slow down the emergence of new innovations in favor of innovations that have a tried and true past. There may be a resurgence of the “old ways” of doing things, and people may be more willing to wait rather than receive instant gratification.

Saturn and Neptune in Aries 2025-2026

As Saturn enters Aries, it will hover close to Neptune, coming to an exact conjunction on February 27, 2026. Saturn and Neptune touring Aries together is a very rare dynamic that will color our experience of both these transits.

As mentioned already, Saturn is about structure, rules, and boundaries, but Neptune is about dissolving, dreaming, and feeling. These two planets coming together will help to melt away some things but reinforce others.

We may find that Saturn is able to give more structure to our spiritual ideas and help us take a more practical approach when it comes to our creative visions.

Saturn and Neptune can be a somber combination, helping to expose the harsh truths of life. But it can also lead us to a greater spiritual connection and understanding.