#and i dont have time to go back and fix it

[salemisha]

how i manifested my mother cancer away + shifted and more through non-dualism/no concepts.

im writing this post for those who feel alone who feel like they have gotten minimal results and have been trying for years. before learning of non dualism, then no concepts, etc and the rest is history.

because i was like you. i used to cry whine and complain and be bitter that this person shifted and yet i didnt, used to take numerous breaks etc. i knew of LOA since 2018, but learned of loablr in 2023. i joined during the states vs affirmation bullshit (still think both is dumb) and the edward art shit and i was desperate to find answers. none of it helped. and i grew more and more angry desperate. i gave up on loa, and was depressed for months.

things changed in late 2023 when i came back from the aftermath of the 4dbarbie nondualism vs LOA war? everyone kept saying nondualism is the same as states and other shit and at first i thought it was right, but i was desperate and so i looked into nondualism.

in the back of my mind i kept thinking "yeah this dumb asf lol" but still i was on the urge of ending it all. i read, overconsumed, and read some more and then thought it was too much and also gave up on it.

and then may 2024 the worst month of my life. my mom was diagnosed with peritoneal carcinomatosis. lord i cried so hard at the thought of losing my mom, even getting a little teary eyed typing this. but i had nothing and no one to turn to and so i turned back to nondualism and the books that were recommended by blogs.

and so i did. i wont say it was easy, letting go of the thoughts of her having it, allowing it to be the thoughts feelings and emotions and being scared that she did have it. not arguing against it, not affirming, or visualizing that she has it but allowing the thoughts to be.

i wanted to manifest an early appointment because i was scared she didnt have long. but i knew that this was simply fear and allowed it to be, for days and weeks, until finally i had the thought that she would be fine either way. and literally let it go completely.

next day i got the appointment i wanted. this was the first major sign of manifesting. like my first time manifesting something major. and i applied what i did to "manifesting" ( read letting go of identification with thoughts) that my mom didnt have cancer and she was fine. this one was harder with many tests and biopsies and people saying one thing and the other but i had no one else to turn to but myself and those books.

and she was fine.

ever since i manifested other things like:

shifts (shifted to an old scrapped dr that maybe i will expand on one day) and other random realities (yes it was intentional to test myself).

i also manifested my ac central unit being fixed without having to pay 8k to replace the entire unit.

good grades and more.

i wont say i fully scorched my mind of limitations, but i will say that im in a far better place than i was before learning of nondualism.

anyways my point of this post is that just keep going, you will find what works for you. it might take some time but you will figure it out somehow some way. if my negative ass mind could do these things yall can too. dont sell yourself short.

[momokarp]

Your art has Breathed Life in me again after i dont even know how long ive been without it. I seriously feel so juiced up and happy because your art makes drawing look Fun again in a way it hasnt been for me in some time, like... all the lines are perfect in their flaws and all your designs of characters are so cool and the things you draw are so funny or choice and it just drives me wild. Hopefully, ill be able to come back to drawing and have as much fun with it as i used to and maybe as much as youre having with it

I’m trying to get through all my asks right now- HEY SO THANKS??!!!

That’s an incredibly high compliment that went beyond feeding my ego. I did go through a period of time when I was super self conscious of my art because it was messy or not clean or polished, and every time I’d try to “fix” those things, I’d have less fun. So it makes me really happy that you feel joy out of the stuff I like to make the most and that feels like my most authentic style. I hope whatever journey you have with your art, you find a place where your own work brings you all of the fun you see in mine.

You got this!! (Also sincerely thank you again like god damn-)

[kazuma-nyasogi]

ive just drawn my most beautiful ryuunosuke yet. for a memey injoke with my friends. please enjoy him regardless.

falls to my knees in shame

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Was forced to watch a truly incredible (derogatory) thing recently.

A young person on twitter, adamant that transandrophobia doesn't exist on the grounds that 'no one is killing/raping/assaulting trans men'.

Several people responded, including some linking articles about murders and assaults on trans men and a couple op-ed style pieces of trans men talking about their own experiences.

Said young person responded with "I'm not reading those its triggering and I'm a minor"

So let me see if I've got this correct, you are knowingly refuse to acknowledge reality because it's upsetting to you and then you're going to turn around and deny that very reality because you refuse to acknowledge it because it's upsetting?

[sotanghonn]

english time

[mephoj]

nickel and balloon would be so much more interesting if people explored the way nickel became everything awful that balloon used to be but so much worse ironically all in the name of "protecting" everyone from that history repeating. and not softboy tsundere yaoi or whatever is going on in those tags rn

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 192

a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!

anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.

[j-esbian]

maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way

[pairdelune]

one-sided v4v where the v2 fights are just a way to get attention but v1 doesn't care at all

[ganondoodle]

everyones more than welcome to send me asks about stuff* btw, i know i havent been that good in answering, but i think thats largely bc i always want to do too much, like .. drawing entire character design sheets and everything and then never having the energy or motivation for it so it sits around like all of my hundreds of wips i never finished bc i lost energy/motivation, waiting for it to come back .. which might never happen (and i still dont know how to handle compliments ,, i might never will tbh- if i havent answered a compliment its very very likely i dont know how to properly convey my gratitude- feeling like theres no amount of things i can do or say to 'pay back'? ... kinda weird if you think about it .. but i am weird so what do i know jsklfnhsdk, i promise you i treasure it)

im pretty sure not everyone that sends an ask expects a drawing or multiple and pages long text right? thats my skewed perspective isnt it?

*stuff being like .. about my ocs, about my zelda comic, about the totk rewrite project, suggestions, ideas, rants too, kind of anything though im less likely to respond to personal things (and in case theres anyone newer to tumblr, asks dont have to be literal questions, you can write in those what you want, i like them alot bc its a lil message without the chat type of commitment to it ... im even worse at keeping up responding in chats (not intentionally .. my short term memory sucks) o3o)

[hanzajesthanza]

maybe i just don’t follow enough about the fanfiction community anymore but… i feel like plot and story, and actually making scenes make sense and have structure and purpose, is harder to get write than even other things about writing that i consider hard—like having consistent, relevant pacing and creating natural-sounding, in-character dialogue.

and from what i’ve seen, it’s like no one ever talks about improving this major overarching skill, when compared to how much as they talk about minute and minor details to improve with your writing, like the vocab you use.

and maybe fanfiction is uniquely challenged here because the point of it (if the source material is decent, anyways) is supposed to be that it’s not necessary, and is often without a serious purpose and written without structure.

my interpretation of it is that the core of writing (which is giving your readers a reason to read) is assumed to be already accomplished when you write fanfiction—because it’s fanfiction—but this is often to the detriment of the writing, no matter if it’s fanfiction or not, because writing needs that purpose to exist.

[rubbership]

i would be much less lonely and so would a lot of other people if i could handle 1 on 1 conversations like a normal person

[metadow-propaganda-machine]

he thought the power induced migraines were for one time! he MAD!!

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

I've been thinking about names re: durges (and especially Corentin)

I haven't really liked the whole "this character's name is The Dark Urge" because it's honestly...silly to me? A bit? But I saw someone else discussing their durge's backstory today and it got me thinking about the function of names a bit more.

Naming someone "The Dark Urge" is super dehumanizing. And, like, that's the point, of course. But Corentin, even at their most compliant, was always trying to eek out some semblance of individuality or control or rebellion. They were kidnapped brought to the Bhaalists at 15, after all. Even with the cult's (and Bhaal's) efforts, it's difficult to completely rewire someone who's nearly a grown adult, especially one who's fighting it kicking and screaming most of the time.

So while they lose their memories of their family due to the constant trauma, they do manage to hold on to some things. Their refusal to eat bog body stays the entire time, as does their insistence on maintaining a hair care routine (which is when they start braiding Orin's hair, too). But after they break, other aspects of cleanliness they'd managed to hold onto until that point fall to the wayside, and they stop resisting when Savorak, and Fel, and the Bhaalists call them "The Dark Urge" instead of their name. Orin still calls them Corentin for a little bit, but she stops eventually too as she gets more and more restless and insistent on gaining power.

And then they meet Gortash who, despite also being a horrible person, isn't as bad as the people Corentin had been forced to lead. At this point they know what the likely ending of the Absolutist plot is going to be (though they're still in the early stages of the plan) but being able to work so closely with someone who's sincere and, more importantly, isn't going to stab them the moment they turn their back to him, is like breathing in fresh air for the first time in a decade or more (both figuratively and literally). And they dare to hope that there's an actual, true way out of the hell they'd been living in.

So when Gortash eventually asks if The Dark Urge is really their name, they tell him no.

[aemiron-main]

if i had the money i would buy one of those historical homes that are out in the foothills (the ones from the 50s through 70s that are straight up frozen like a time capsule or there’s a tiny handful of them that are from the 1800s and then have a mix of that + 50s through 70s stuff) and fix it up without making it Modern TM.

Like there was this one place that was right across the road from where I used to live & it was in an aspen grove & it had this old vintage stone pool & you could see through the windows that the interior was all original 50s through 70s & the furniture too, like completely untouched, as if people had just gotten up and left one day and never come back. The whole place & pool was completely overgrown with weeds and grass & it needed fixing up and maintenance but I’m like. begging the owners to sell it bc they’re clearly not using it. (i actually tracked them down once via the guy who boards his cows there & they said they werent willing to sell it atm (not that i could afford it either but yk) because it had belonged to family so they wanted to keep it in the family for the time being but they werent sure about what to do with it and im like. that was a couple years ago & it’s Still completely unchanged. ooohhh you guys want to sell it to me one day sooooo badly)

[lucabyte]

im so goddamn sorry to the 2 people who cared abt my ocs prior to recently lol. telling me ive been neglectful for this long is so rude.......