#and i wrote and posted a whole fic and came up with other ideas and started new docs

[billdenbrough]

the thing about this trip is that i’ve gotten to hang out with so many of my favourite people ever which is SUCH a like. fucking peak. but also like the thing about giggling together on the couch at 5am over kevin day being cute and funny is that you get SO sad when you have to have your mournful goodbye 😭😭😭

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[redflagshipwriter]

Snitches the cat and his favorite bat

I wrote up dpxdc fics based off of prompts I happened to see in the last day to add to the reading pile for anyone who didn't prep for the archive down time today.

EDIT

The idea for Danny as a cat came from @shycorvid, thank you so much for correcting me and letting me play in your sandbox!

Snitches the cat comes from @garbagewith-a-cherryontop (I think??? I couldn't find a definite first post!) but the fantastic linked post is the one with how I think Snitches the cat looks here.

Word count is 1053.

Tumblr reference

masterpost for my AO3 downtime fics

“Ugh- that's not- did we just summon a demon cat?”

“It's so messed up looking. Ew.”

Danny blinked and swayed on his feet. He'd had a tail a minute ago, speeding across the GZ to check in on Walker. There had been an unpleasant lurch in his stomach. And now he was on his feet. All four of them.

Wait, what?

“You fucked this up.”

His ears twitched at the sound of a slap. Danny swiveled towards the sound and then got distracted by the feeling of his ears swiveling back. Whaaaaat?

He looked down at his precious little feeties. They were adorable paws.

“Oh, you motherfuckers,” he said. It came out as a conversational yowl.

The humans looked at him from about ten feet away and five feet up. “Annoying…”

He was pretty sure they were high schoolers. There were five of them, two girls and three boys. They were all bigger than him. High schoolers were usually bigger than he was, but this was just ridiculous.

“Count yourself lucky, dimwits,” one of the older kids said. He took a step towards Danny. Danny pressed his ears flat against his head and hissed at the approach. “If you managed to sacrifice Patches to a demon, your Mom would straight up murder you.” He laughed when he said it, like anything about that was remotely funny.

Uh- what now?

Only now, Danny noticed a very distressed calico cat underneath a laundry basket on the other side of the room. There was a stack of textbooks weighing the basket down. A large rug had been rolled up and- he sneezed rapidly, eyes watering. Chalk! They'd drawn on the floor with chalk!

‘This is some incompetent summoning,’ Danny realized, way too late. ‘Did they- how did they turn me into a cat?’ He looked at his unfortunate brethren under the laundry basket. Her ears were flat against her skull and she looked scared.

He remembered the word “sacrifice” and his blood flushed hit with fury. They'd wanted him to eat her! They'd wanted something to eat miss Patches!

The teenagers froze and looked at him, aghast at the angry sounds that were coming out of his throat.

“Shut up!” One hissed. She took off her shoe and threw it at him. Danny dodged and then threw his head back to yowl even louder. Sonic attack! Aural damage, you big jerks!

“The neighbors are going to- make it shut up!”

Danny had to run, dashing over furniture and tearing his way across a crowded table to avoid being grabbed. He screamed the whole time, eager to alert whoever they were so afraid of. Someone should see!

The window burst in.

Danny stopped running, shocked. He hadn't actually expected-

Someone snatched him up from behind and smacked him on the face with a palm. His jaw exploded with pain. It cut off his yowling.

Stunned. He was still for a moment and then he struggled for his life. The grip on his ribs was way too tight-

He looked over at the sound of a sword being pulled from a sheath. Holy shit, that was bomb as hell. His eyes went wide at the sight of a heavily armored small child crouched on the windowsill. The boy's eyes were covered, but Danny could still see him look at Danny and the poor calico under the laundry basket. He sneered.

“Unhand the cat or lose your hands at the wrist, you wretch.”

Danny loved him.

The teenager dropped him. Danny caught himself with a stumble. He let out a sad mraow before he could stop himself.

Fight club baby was enraged. “What have you done to this animal?” He hopped down into the room, revealing he was at least a foot shorter than the smallest girl in the room.

Danny trotted to him and started winding around his ankles admiringly. What a good kid! He purred.

“I will be taking both of your cats with me. If you ever harm an animal again, it will be your head that is found in a chalk-”

“Robin.” A hugeass grown man squeezed himself through the window that the kid had broken. Danny craned his head up, up, up, to see him case the joint.

The older man radiated incredible judgment. “I see that you require education on animal welfare and demonic summoning. Go on, Robin.”

“That's my Mom's cat!” One of the teenagers protested. “You can't take her!”

Robin growled at her. Danny jumped in his skin at the sound.

“Then we shall return it to your Mother and her alone, when we explain what you've done.” Danny let murder baby scoop him up and purred at full volume. Hell yeah. He looked at the cowering teenagers with condescension.

“Not that fugly thing.”

Danny blinked. He ended up making an inquisitive mraow. Why was a finger being pointed at him? He was baby.

“That thing showed up, you can get rid of it. But Patches is Mom's cat, and you can't steal a cat because-”

“Batman can steal any cat!” Robin bit out, gathered up Patches, and jumped out the window with both cats in an expert grip.

That didn't sound right, but Danny just enjoyed the night air as a line pulled Robin up to where yet another masked vigilante was waiting, cackling himself to tears.

“Batman can steal any cat,” he wheezed. “Brilliant. Good detour, Robin. Can I hold one?” He held out his blue-striped palms expectantly.

He faltered when he saw Danny, visibly surprised.

Danny… was starting to feel bad. He curled into Robin, hurt. He wasn't ugly. Why did people keep reacting to him weird?

“No,” Robin said curtly. “You have damaged his pride, and Patches is still reeling from her shock.”

The man let out a sigh but let the topic go. “That's Patches, and this is…?”

Robin hesitated. “He is the Snitch.”

That unlocked cooing. “Snitches? Snitchy Snitch Sni- ow!”

Danny snapped at the hand that came way too close and he let out a warning growl. No baby talk!

Robin seemed very pleased. He rubbed behind Danny's ears. “Snitch… I suppose that Snitches will suffice. We are taking him home.”

“....Maybe, just for fun, we should take him to get treated for mange first!” The guy made jazz hands to go with his statement.

Robin and Danny both growled that time.

[purple-babygirl]

yours to hurt, yours to love

Pairing: (dom)!Bucky Barnes x (sub)!f!reader

Word count: 8,050

Summary: They had a deal. She would surrender her control; he would take it. Love had no place in such a relationship, did it?

Warnings: 18+ Content: friends with benefits, blowjobs, lots of cum, cum eating, cum in pussy, unprotected vaginal intercourse (don't do that), mentions of cheating, angst, crying, dom x sub dynamics including a sir kink and the use of puppy as a petname, BDSM features including begging, following orders/instructions, mentions of ropes, being tied/suspended, mentions of edging and overstimulation and the use of toys, ass whipping with a belt, mention and use of a safeword, chocking, two insecure idiots being in love, metal arm kink, fingering, rubbing of cock on pussy, multiple orgasms, aftercare. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: this is a self-indulgent fic I wrote simply because I wanted to read and now it's finally done so I'm sharing it with you, babies:"💜💜 I just started at a new job and it's very tiring and energy and time consuming so I thought I'd post something before I get swept up in the real world of numbers and targets and not being broke. I really hope you like this one and I love you all with every bit of me💜

~

As most one-night stands start, they had met at a bar.

She was sitting all alone with her palm hugging a beer bottle, her face carrying the saddest look. She had turned down every guy that had tried to approach her that evening.

Bucky had been watching her all night, lost in deep thought as she barely raised the warming bottle to her lips, the melancholic look marring her features never leaving.

She had only smiled once that night, and it was for Bucky.

She was snapped out of thought when a louder song abruptly came on, startling her back to reality and that was when she saw him.

The most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on had his eyes on her from the other side of the crowded nightclub, and she found herself smiling at him.

He quickly turned his gaze away, suddenly shy that he was staring.

She wanted to ignore the man, telling herself she had a lot on her plate already, that it would likely be a mistake to go talk to him; that she needed to keep her distance from men for a while at least. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t ignore him.

Even with his back to her, his presence was too strong to simply be ignored.

So she disregarded her minds’ screams and went to talk to him.

Bucky almost chocked on his drink when he saw that it was her who had approached him, but he managed to compose himself.

“Were you ever planning on talking to me?” She teased with a smile as she sat down next to him at the bar.

And just like that, they were talking.

They talked about anything and everything, the deepest things as well as the silliest.

She was so easy to be around and she actually made the man laugh.

She had no idea, but Bucky didn’t think he had even cracked a smile in weeks.

Before she could decide what was right and what wasn’t, she had her lips on his, and before he could overthink it, Bucky was taking her back to his place.

It has been a long time since the man had had the chance to like someone, and he liked her even more when she didn’t make him feel bad about himself that night.

The metal arm didn’t faze her.

She didn’t ask intrusive questions or even let her gaze linger. She treated it just like his other arm, wrapping both around her back as she straddled Bucky on his couch, making out with him like she has been waiting for him her whole life.

But that wasn’t the only reason Bucky appreciated her so much that night.

She had gotten on her knees for him, both of them fully naked at that point, her boobs swaying lightly as her hand pumped his hard cock, lubing him up with his pre-cum.

Her hands were magic and he didn’t want to tell her that he was too close to exploding just from her soft hand palming his tip.

She had barely gotten Bucky in her mouth when he had started cumming all over her.

The sight of his fists clutching the couch, mouth open as groans left his chest while copious amounts of cum covered her mouth, chin, neck and boobs had her wetness dripping down her bare thighs.

When he was back on earth again and his vision was no longer black, Bucky started apologizing profusely when he realized what had happened.

He had come way too fast. All over her. Without her getting to finish even once. He didn’t even get to touch her down there.

Bucky thought she was definitely going to leave.

“It’s okay,” she said with a kind smile as her clean hand caressed up and down one of his thighs, “I don’t mind.”

And before Bucky could explain that it has been a long time for him, she was collecting his cum off her skin with her fingers and slipping them into her mouth, maintaining eye contact with the man and almost giving his old heart an attack.

Bucky stared with parted lips, cock already hardening again, as she shut her eyes and moaned over the taste of him.

She had managed to eat every bit of cum that had gotten on her face and neck before Bucky unfroze and lost it.

He grabbed his shirt and hastily wiped her chest clean of his cum before eagerly carrying her to his bed.

He thought her surprised giggle as she called him a “caveman” had to be the sweetest sound he had ever heard until he pushed his cock in her and her wail of his name echoed throughout the quiet bedroom.

Bucky was hooked on the sight of her, the taste of her, the smell of her, and the feel of her.

Her walls were hugging his cock so tight that he thought he wouldn’t be able to get the rest of it inside. Her hands were scratching at his back as she tried to adjust to his size with a silent scream on her face.

“Relax,” Bucky had told her softly.

It was a simple word, but it was the most exhilarating thing when she had immediately listened, her pussy muscles relaxing for him at once, thighs spreading wider to accommodate him better.

Bucky was amazed by her ability to listen to instructions; it awakened an unmatched feeling inside of him.

Once he was buried to the hilt inside of her, Bucky wanted to see what else he could make her do; how much she might obey, so he stayed still.

“I’m ready, you can move.” She had nodded to him, thinking he was waiting on her.

But that wasn’t why Bucky wasn’t moving. He knew she was ready, her juices were ruining his sheets for heaven’s sake.

“I mean, if you ask nicely enough…”

He was just giving it a try, and if she didn’t go along with it he would still give her what she wanted—

“Please,” she begged, eyes pleading as she wiggled her hips, “please fuck me, Bucky.”

Fuck.

Bucky couldn’t think much after that, his body moving of its own volition as he pulled out and slammed back inside her pussy.

It was one thrust. One single thrust had her arching her back and shouting out his name.

He completely broke down, fucking her with abandon, just wanting to hear more of her; feel deeper inside of her.

The bedpost slammed against the wall repeatedly as she screamed with every hit of Bucky’s cock to her g-spot.

The way she was scratching his back, whining, wailing and writhing under him as he pounded her into his bed should’ve and could’ve been enough for Bucky, but he couldn’t help but want more.

“Open your eyes,” he gave her another command, knowing it might be hard for her to manage that one with how deep he was giving it to her.

But her eyes were instantly on him, fighting to stay open as his fat cock filled her up again and again.

“Keep looking at me,” Bucky had told her, his right hand coming up to wrap around her neck.

He was slow and gentle, just waiting for her to stop him or refuse what he was doing.

But she had managed to surprise him again because instead, her hand had come up to his, fully wrapping his palm around her throat before showing Bucky the right amount of pressure to apply.

Fuck, she had to be an angel sent specifically to him from heaven. It seemed like whatever god was up there had finally had mercy on him.

She wasn’t only okay with Bucky’s hand being on her neck, she was showing him how to choke her as his cock fucked her raw within an inch of her life too.

Bucky felt his thrusts stutter as he almost came at the sight of her: mouth open with nothing but his name coming out of it, throat held in his palm and eyes battling to stay open as they rolled back in her head, her pussy chocking his cock.

And when he thought she couldn’t get anymore perfect, she started screaming out a request, “can I please cum? Please, Bucky!”

She was asking his permission to let herself feel the pleasure he was so willingly giving her.

Bucky felt high as he groaned, “cum”, and watched her hand hastily come down to rub her clit once, twice before she fell apart around his cock.

Her thighs involuntarily clasped around Bucky as they shook with the rest of her body, her orgasm hitting her like a thousand trains, making her back bow.

Bucky’s hand tightened around her throat the slightest bit as he felt her pussy shutter around his cock and felt himself get closer to his own release, thrusts becoming erratic.

“Please cum inside me, Bucky. Fill me up with your cum, need it,” she pled and the man could only take so much.

Bucky came and he came hard, proving the cum he had painted her body with earlier to be just a sample of what his cock really had to offer.

When they could both breathe normally again, she found herself in his arms, pitching him an idea, too satisfied and full of cum to stop herself and rethink.

And to her happiness, Bucky actually agreed.

~

When they first started that type of deal, she said she didn’t want a relationship.

Bucky respected that and he was okay with it because although he liked her very much, he knew he wasn’t the relationship type himself. He didn’t believe himself fit for romantic relationships. He thought he was too messed up for such stuff.

And she was just like him.

She didn’t know how to be loved; didn’t know how to receive love. She didn’t think she deserved it. She didn’t think she was worth it. Never thought of herself as beautiful enough or attractive enough or lovable enough.

So the dynamic they came up with was their best option.

They were going to be friends with benefits. Except, the benefits were much more extreme than the usual, vanilla sex that would come to mind. So friends with benefits with a fun twist.

After being manipulated for so long, Bucky wanted nothing but to be in charge of his life, body and mind; to be in a position of power where he had the upper hand.

She, on the other hand, needed her freewill to be taken away from her. Being as responsible as she was in her everyday life, she would get too exhausted; drained. She wanted decisions to be made for her as she only obeyed and conformed. She wanted to be used until her head held no thoughts of her deadlines or tasks.

She wanted choking and spanking and bondage. She wanted domination.

Bucky needed to feel in control, and she needed to give up control.

Take mine, she said, take my control away and make it yours.

It was a perfect match. They had clearly communicated their boundaries, wants and needs. They had established their roles, likes and dislikes. And they had agreed on a few simple rules:

It was strictly sex; only sex.

No kissing on the lips no matter what.

No cuddling afterwards even if aftercare took place.

No strings attached.

The safe word meant they stopped; no questions asked.

Bucky wasn’t exactly on board with number 2 because he knew what her lips felt like on his and he wanted more of that. But she said it would only complicate things; that it might get feelings involved and they couldn’t have that.

So he agreed. He really just wanted her to be as comfortable as possible.

And they had almost done it all in 6 months. She had let Bucky tie her down, spank her, choke her, use toys on her, edge her, overstimulate her, fuck her in every position known to humans and on every service that could take their weight and Bucky’s pace.

But deep down, Bucky knew that she still needed more even if she had claimed otherwise.

He knew that she was frequently going on dates in between their sessions, desperately searching for the one that would manage to sweep her off her feet and magically change the way she looked at herself with his unconditional love.

So when she sat with him that one day and told him she wanted to stop what they were doing because she wanted to commit to her new boyfriend, Bucky wasn’t surprised. He was heartbroken, but not surprised.

And so he let her go.

He didn’t want to. He never wanted to. But Bucky knew that he couldn’t give her what she wanted, and so he was going to let her have it with someone else. He needed her like the air he breathed, but he couldn’t bring himself to stand in her way.

Bucky was addicted to her, yes, but he wasn’t going to be selfish and get in the way of her possible happiness with that new boyfriend whoever he was. He just hoped that that new man deserved her.

~

The real surprise came when Bucky opened his door one day and she was standing there looking like an abandoned puppy three months after their last meeting.

Three months without her that have been torture. Three months during which Bucky couldn’t bear the mere idea of bringing another woman to his bed. Three months of replaying their intense scenes in his head with his hand down his pants.

Oh how he missed seeing her choke on his cock. He missed her begging for him to touch her, to relieve her heavy shoulders of everything they had to carry. He missed seeing her come for him so hard that tears would start rolling down her face.

But now she was here, and she didn’t look okay. And it made Bucky realize that he has mostly missed her being her.

“I need you, Buck,” she whispered and he instantly opened the door wider for her.

Bucky let her inside and she climbed on his lap the second he sat down. He held her in his arms on his couch for as long as she needed, internally aching to know what had gotten her looking so dejected.

He knew it had to do with the new man in her life and he could only calm himself down by imagining his fist slamming against the faceless man’s nose.

“What did he do?” Bucky finally broke the silence, making her pull her face from his neck and look at him.

God, she looked so hurt, so broken.

He wished he could fix it, but how could he when he himself needed fixing?

“If I ask you for a favor, would you do it for me?” Her faint voice asked instead, pulling away from their hug.

“You know I will,” Bucky replied without reluctance.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He would do anything for her. He would kill again for her, burn down whole cities and cross oceans on his bare feet for her if she asked him to.

She got up from Bucky’s lap, getting down on her knees before the couch just like the first night he had brought her home, “I want you to punish me, Bucky.”

“What?”

Where did that come from? She wanted to start a session? Now? In that state?

“I want you to spank me. Punish me.” She repeated calmly.

“Doll, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Bucky tried to remind her, wanting her to know that whatever that man did to ruin his relationship with her wasn’t her fault.

And he wasn’t seriously about to give her a spanking when she looked like that, so small and worn out and wounded.

“Please, Bucky.”

Damn, she begged so sweetly. But he just couldn’t.

Bucky never thought he would say no to a scene with her, especially a passionate one, but he couldn’t hurt her even more than she looked to be hurting.

That was not what they did this for.

“Doll, get up. Sit down and talk to me,” Bucky said softly, trying to lift her up by the shoulders.

“Buck, you said you’d do it.” A sad frown settled upon her delicate face with a look that Bucky knew well.

She was getting more heartbroken at his rejection. She really did want this. She needed it and she could only come to Bucky for it. How could he keep turning her down?

“Okay, doll. How many?” Bucky asked despite himself, rubbing his palms together.

“Not with your hands,” she said with a smile, getting up and walking inside the bedroom to his closet.

Bucky carded a hand through his long hair as he waited for her to come back with whatever item she was choosing, knowing this was going to be the hardest time he has ever had to cause her pain, even if it was pain she wanted and asked for.

“With this.” She left the belt she brought on Bucky’s lap as she got back to her place by his feet.

“Doll, this is the thickest belt I own,” Bucky told her, wanting to intimidate her into changing her mind.

He needed her to change her mind. He couldn’t hit her with that thing. Not today. Probably not ever.

“I know.” She nodded with the same sure smile.

“Doll, why?” Bucky touched her cheek tenderly, desperate to understand.

If she would just talk to him, he would do his best to fix it. He probably couldn’t, but he was ready to try.

“Please, Bucky. For me, I need this.” She, again, avoided answering his questions.

“This is gonna hurt, doll,” Bucky warned, examining the belt in his lap.

Damn, it was heavy.

“I know. That’s the point.” She nodded in acceptance, “I need it to hurt.”

“Doll.”

“C’mon, Buck, we’ve done this before. You’ve had me dangling from your ceiling for god’s sake!”

He remembered that day. It was a week after she had gotten promoted and everything was becoming too much for her.

She had Bucky suspend her upside down from his ceiling as he spanked her rear raw before getting her down and fucking her into oblivion until all she could worry about was if she would be able to take another orgasm.

She looked even sadder today, and she was asking for far less.

Maybe he could give her what she wanted.

“How many?” Bucky asked again with a clenched jaw, seeing that there was no way he was going to change her mind.

“As many as it takes for me to cry,” she replied and her answer sent a pang into Bucky’s chest.

So that was it. She needed to cry and she couldn’t. She just needed to cry; to give release to her pent-up tears.

Bucky knew that crying was something that she struggled with. He knew that one of the things she loved about what they did was the fact that she could cry during it all; during a spanking, an edging or even an intense orgasm.

But couldn’t it be done any other way this time? Maybe he could make her watch a sad movie or something?

“Doll, if it’s about you crying—”

“Bucky, please,” she stopped him, shaking her head with determination, “please give me this. I need it.”

If she could, she would have cried to get him to say yes faster.

Bucky sighed, glancing at her one final time before asking, “do you remember your safe word?”

“Red.” She smiled gratefully, adrenaline already pumping through her blood in anticipation.

Bucky slipped the hairband on his wrist down to his fingers, pulling his hair in a low bun before taking his shirt off, leaving himself in his white tank top.

Keeping his eyes on hers, he ordered: “strip and get on the bed, puppy. You know your position.”

“Thank you, Bucky.” She jumped up, placing a kiss on his cheek.

“What was that?” Bucky’s tone was deeper and his eyes darker.

It has started.

“Thank you, sir,” she quickly corrected herself.

“Go.”

One nod of his head and she was running to the bedroom to do as she was told.

As she took her clothes off, folding them piece by piece and leaving them on the chair in the corner of Bucky’s bedroom, he was outside readying himself for what he was about to do to her.

Bucky had pledged months ago that he would give her anything she needed or wanted during their sessions.

Leaving her fulfilled made him feel fulfilled and the first time he had his bare cock in her, Bucky knew he was wrapped around her littlest finger. It seemed like he was the one in control of those meet ups but control was actually always in her hands.

Now, if what she needed was a spanking to make her cry, Bucky knew how to give it to her, but he didn’t want to. He knew this belt was going to hurt a lot and he wished she would’ve chosen something less bad.

But a deal was a deal and he couldn’t back out now that he knew she was waiting naked on his bed.

She heard Bucky’s heavy steps coming closer and tried to regulate her breathing, reminding herself that she wanted this, that she begged for this, that she deserved this.

She trusted Bucky with her life, not just her body. She knew he was going to stop the minute she said her safe word and that made her a little calmer.

“You ready, puppy?” Bucky asked, gliding the tip of the belt across her bare ass from one cheek to the other.

She shivered, fixing her gaze on Bucky’s bedpost as she whispered, “yes, sir.”

And just like that came the first spank.

But it didn’t hurt, not like she had expected, not at all.

Bucky was going easy on her; too easy.

She didn’t like it.

“Harder, please,” she begged, lowering her head and sticking her ass out.

“Doll—”

“Bucky, please, you promised,” she pled, her voice thick with frustration at her inability to get what she needed from the one person who could give it to her.

Another spank came, a little stronger than the first, but still not enough.

“Did your arm get rusty in those three months?” She threw angrily, raising her eyes to glare at Bucky, “hit me like a man!”

Bucky knew she was just trying to rile him up, make him angry enough so that he would actually hurt her and even though he didn’t want to, he decided he would finally give her what she came for.

“Fine,” Bucky growled, pushing her face into his pillows by the hair and she immediately gave him a full view of her lower half, ass in the air and thighs spread.

He wasn’t going to be able to look at her face as he hurt her this time.

Bucky took a deep breath before finally giving her a real whip and she gasped at the force of it, “is that what you wanted, puppy?”

“Getting close,” she moaned, her words muffled into the pillows as she wiggled her ass for him.

Another similar spank hit her and then another and another until suddenly her body was getting hotter and her butt sorer.

She needed more. Just a little more to break the dam and get suffocating thoughts and burning tears out.

“More, please, sir,” she begged, voice so desperate that it had Bucky swallowing.

He gave an experimental whip on her thighs and she let out a startled scream.

“What’s your color?” Bucky asked at once, hesitant that he might have actually hurt her.

“Green.” Came her reply as she looked up to Bucky, “green, sir, please.”

She was begging for more of this.

Bucky recomposed himself and spanked her thighs with the belt again and she wailed out a “yes, thank you, sir!”, urging him on.

For the first time ever, however, Bucky was not enjoying this. He was not enjoying causing her pain and he was not enjoying knowing that he was supposed to make her cry by the end of it all.

His whips got faster and harder as his thoughts ran wild with worry, just wanting to get this over with as her moans and cries egged him on.

“Color?”

“Green!” She would answer every time he checked in with her.

Pictures of her boyfriend in bed with another woman flashed throw her mind and she stuck her ass out more, hiding her ashamed face in Bucky’s pillows. He let her touch him the way only she was supposed to touch him. He made her shout out in pleasure the way she never did with him. He made her scream his name; the name that was supposed to only roll off her tongue during intimate times.

Her mind kept replaying it all, making her squirm and stick her butt out further. She wanted it all to stop.

She needed this. She deserved this. She was stupid.

“Thank you, sir,” she muttered, a lump finally forming in her throat.

It seemed like whatever had happened this time, had been so bad that the normal amount of whips weren’t enough to get her mind off of it. She was still her, well out of sub space and still very much aware of the ache in her heart.

She needed that ache to move somewhere else, preferably to her ass.

“More, sir, please.”

Bucky’s shoulder started to slightly ache as he kept whipping her, again and again, just wanting it to be over so he could comfort her after as he heard her sniffles, and finally, with a particularly harsh spank on her lower thighs she screamed out, “red!”.

Bucky’s arm stopped immediately, dropping the belt on the floor as he listened as her soft cries get louder.

She burrowed her face in his pillow and let it all out, sobs wracking her entire body as she cried her bleeding heart out.

“Doll,” he whispered, regret filling him at the sight of her body trembling with each wail she let out of her chest.

He looked at her lower body and her ass and thighs were a crime scene, her skin painted in angry red welts all over.

“Please, leave me alone, Buck,” she wept, her face still hidden in his pillow.

“Let me take care of you, doll—”

“No, no. Just leave me,” she pleaded without turning to him.

“At least let me put something on your skin—”

“Please just leave me alone. Please, Bucky,” she sobbed harder, her fingers clutching the side of the pillow as she let her tears flow.

Bucky reluctantly left the room, giving her the space she asked for as guilt ate away at his heart.

He shouldn’t have listened to her. He shouldn’t have done that to her.

It was only when he sat down on the couch outside that he had realized how hard he had actually whipped her. His right shoulder ached, a few strands of his hair were out of place and sweat had forced by his hairline. All the realization did was make him feel more terrible about himself.

He knew he has done it before so many times, but this time was different.

She came to him hurt emotionally and instead of helping her feel better, he ended up hurting her physically too.

She did ask for it, but he could have said no. He could’ve insisted on not doing it.

The sound of her cries seemed never-ending and was absolutely heart-wrenching to listen to. Bucky could all but cover his ears to prevent it from reaching him as he beat himself up for causing it all again and again.

She winced as she sat up on the messy bed, hand on her naked chest as she tried to calm herself down, still hiccupping while her cries slowed down.

God, she had needed this so bad. She had needed it for days and she was so grateful for Bucky for giving it to her.

Being able to cry and let everything out was a blessing that people didn’t appreciate enough; one she was kind of deprived of and had to do a lot to get to enjoy.

When her heartbeat was somewhat slower and her tears have ceased, she slowly pulled herself down the bed and on her wobbly feet.

She looked out to the living room from the bedroom door to see Bucky back on the couch, leaning forward with his head in his hands and she knew he was blaming himself.

So she wiped her tears as much as she could and went back inside. She opened the drawer she knew too well and pulled out the Calendula cream Bucky had bought specifically for her.

She carefully walked to Bucky. She didn’t want him to feel guilty so she made sure not to wince as she took her steps.

She had wanted this. She had asked for it because she had needed it and he only helped her. She wasn’t going to let him berate himself for that.

She left the cream on the coffee table and gently removed Bucky’s hands from his face, guiding him to rest his back on the couch so she could sit herself back across his lap.

Bucky stopped her, standing up to take his pants off so that the material wouldn’t rub against her sensitive skin.

She smiled, her heart lurching at his gentleness and thoughtfulness.

He let her manipulate him into position, closely watching her red-rimmed eyes and swollen nose and lips as she made herself as comfortable as possible on his lap, the new lashes covering her behind out of his sight for now.

Bucky hugged her close, his hands stroking up and down her bare back as she pushed her nose in its place in the crook of his neck, “thank you.” She breathed gratefully.

Bucky only patted her back, pulling her closer in reply. He knew she meant her thanks, but he was still mad at himself for doing it.

She pulled back and let him take her in for a second before leaning in, making Bucky swallow.

“Now fuck me,” she whispered on his lips, grinding down on his covered cock despite the pain it gave her every time she rubbed her inflamed skin on Bucky’s boxers.

“Doll, I think you’ve had enough for today,” Bucky sighed, softly trying to get her off of him.

“Please, just once. I won’t ask for anything else.” She pleaded, her hands clutching the material of Bucky’s tank top, not wanting to leave his lap.

She didn’t want to be away from him. She just got here.

“Doll, give me the cream so I can take care of you,” he demanded, trying to maintain a stern tone so she would listen.

“You can take care of me this way too!” She whined, needy and desperate as she ground herself harder, smiling when she found him hard beneath her.

“I can’t, doll. I can’t. You’re hurt.” Bucky shook his head, gently pushing her to the side and getting up before she could straddle him again.

“Please, Buck,” she croaked out, on the verge of crying again as she grabbed onto his waist, “please don’t walk away.”

“Do you promise not to try anything if I sit back down?” He asked although he knew the answer.

“But I need you!” Anguished tears rolled down her flushed cheeks, “just one orgasm. Please, just one.”

Her constant begging was making Bucky’s cock leak inside his briefs, hard as a rock as he tried his best not to give in.

He had missed her so damn much, but this wasn’t right.

“Doll, come on, quit it. You’re hurt—”

“I haven’t cum in three months.” She cut him off, sniffling as more tears left her eyes, “he— he couldn’t— please.” She begged yet again, her hands cravingly clawing at Bucky’s tank top, wanting him to be close again.

“What?!” Bucky sat back down, wiping her tears away as he took her back into his arms.

She nodded in shame as she cast her eyes down, burrowing her face in his shoulder, “he couldn’t make me cum”.

“Not even with his mouth?”

“Especially not with his mouth,” she muttered, hating the memory of a different man touching her.

“And you didn’t get yourself off?”

She shook her head, still embarrassed as she hid from him.

“Why not?!”

“Couldn’t touch myself without your permission.” She looked up to him, her teary eyes sincere.

Bucky let himself just look at her for a beat longer.

She was with another man that she supposedly wanted to be committed to, but she still followed Bucky’s rules during that relationship.

“I can make you cum, doll,” Bucky said, his gaze darkening, “but I have one condition.”

“Anything,” she whispered, desperate for his touch, his lips, his cock.

She had missed Bucky beyond compare.

“Allow me to break a rule.”

“What—”

“I need to kiss you, baby.”

She smiled, her heart relieved despite its fluttering as she answered by pressing her lips to Bucky’s.

He laid her on her back on his couch, careful not to rub himself against her lower region as he devoured her lips. Bucky sighed on her lips, the first taste always the best.

He hasn’t tasted those lips in nine months, since their very first time together. He remembered them tasting of beer back then, but today it was chocolate lacing her tongue.

It was Bucky’s turn to be desperate as he ate up her whimpers, his tongue dancing with hers as he deepened the kiss. He wanted to gobble her up, get as close to her as possible, taste every inch and swallow every whine.

He realized he couldn’t get as close as he wanted without his boxers scratching the welts on her sore skin.

Bucky pulled away for a second, leaving her to chase his mouth as he chuckled.

She whined, making grabby hands at him.

When he was done taking his boxers off, he got back on top of her, tenderly pushing her legs to her chest to keep them from bumping against the couch before slotting himself between her open legs as his mouth found its way back to hers.

“I can’t believe I let you take this away from me for so long,” he groaned, biting down on her lower lip.

She moaned in reply, pushing her hips up so she could get his cock to stroke against her.

She couldn’t believe she had deprived herself of those kisses either because she knew that she had fallen for the man anyways.

One swipe had Bucky hissing as he felt how wet she was under him. He has needed her for so long, not letting himself find any kind of relief with another woman in her absence.

“Do you want my fingers, doll?”

“No, no, gimme your cock, Bucky, please,” she pleaded, squirming on her back on the couch, pushing her hips up.

“I can’t do that, baby. You know it. It would be too much,” he sighed, his thumb stroking her cheek.

“Bucky, please. I can take it. I’ve taken worse!”

“I can’t. I can’t hurt you anymore, doll.” Bucky admitted, his hand sliding her hair behind her ear.

“Bucky,” she whined and his eyes gave her a firm look, making her shut up at once.

“It’s either my fingers or you get nothing, puppy. What do you want?”

“Your fingers, sir,” she replied obediently, pulling her legs further against her chest to give him all the access he would need.

“That’s a good puppy.” Bucky smiled, thumb circling her swollen clit.

“Please,” she breathed, already throwing her head back at the simple touch.

Bucky chuckled, though he was internally fuming at the fact that she was with a ‘man’ who didn���t make her cum for three whole months, “ready for the first one, puppy?”

“Yes, sir.” She nodded quickly.

Bucky carefully slipped two of his metal fingers inside of her dripping cunt, groaning at the tightness he has missed so much, “I know this hand’s your favorite”.

“I thought you said one!” She moaned in surprise, pushing down on his fingers still.

“I meant first orgasm, puppy,” Bucky laughed, scissoring his fingers inside of her, opening her up exactly like he knew she liked.

And when he curled his fingers just right? She was wailing out the yes’s and thank you’s like it was the last time she would ever get fingered in her life.

“Fuck, baby, squeezing my fingers so hard already,” Bucky groaned, the tips of his vibranium fingers nudging her sweet spot with every indulging thrust, massaging and abusing until he saw her thighs quiver with her first orgasm.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she squealed as Bucky let her come down from her high, fingers slowing down their movements without leaving her leaking pussy.

“Thank me when we’re done, doll.” He smirked, twisting his fingers inside of her.

Bucky got them out for a second only to slip back three fingers instead of two, feeling her cunt hungrily swallow them as she cried out at the delicious stretch.

He bit his lip, shaking his head as he got to business, “fuck, I’ve missed you so much”.

~

“How we feeling, puppy?” Bucky asked her as he saw her legs tense again.

“So good, so so good, sir. Thank you,” she sobbed in pleasure, feeling her thighs shake for the fifth time that afternoon.

“You’re such a good puppy, cumming so hard for me,” Bucky groaned, feeling the pull of her pussy as he tried to take his fingers out, moving them on her clit instead, “keep cumming baby”.

“I can’t take anymore. Please, I can’t.” She shook her head as she tried to squirm away from Bucky’s skilled fingers.

“Okay, okay,” Bucky chuckled, raising one hand up in surrender as his other went into his mouth.

She was gasping for air as she let her legs go, grimacing when her ass touched the couch. She raised her thighs back up, opening them when Bucky hovered over her body for another kiss.

His cock swiped against her sensitive pussy, making her clench when she felt how hard he was. Bucky was so hard it must be getting painful by now.

“Bucky, I can do one more,” she said against his lips.

“Oh you getting greedy on me, puppy?” Bucky smiled, instantly complying as he brought his hand down between their bodies.

She shivered at the mere tracing of his fingers on her pussy lips, “not with your fingers.”

“Come on now, baby, I thought we’ve already talked about this,” Bucky said, ready to pull away from her body.

“You don’t have to put it inside.” She held onto his waist with all her might, “just rub it on me. I can take that.”

“Baby,” Bucky hesitated, his resolve getting weaker as he imagined the feeling of her silky, drenched pussy under his cock.

“Please, Bucky, just rub it on my pussy. Use me. Make yourself cum.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Bucky whispered, getting hold of his cock.

He swiped the tip between the lips of her cunt, moaning lewdly at the feeling he had missed for months.

She was so wet, so sensitive and so soft.

Bucky was never one to cum fast; not after his very first time with her. But she looked so good under him, already fucked out of her mind. She felt even better and he could only handle so much.

He couldn’t believe she was going to make him cum this quick just by letting him nudge her pussy with the tip of his cock.

“Fuck, baby, this beautiful pussy’s gonna make me bust and I didn’t even get to fuck her!” Bucky groaned, feeling his abs get taut as he tried to hold off his orgasm for as long as physically possible.

He didn’t know where to look; she looked gorgeous everywhere and it was making it harder for him not to cum right then and then.

“I’m cumming,” she gave a shout before shaking underneath him for the sixth time.

“Fuck, yes, cum for me, doll.” Bucky groaned, squeezing at his base to hold his orgasm off.

“Slip the tip inside me, Buck,” she begged, still catching her breath and writhing underneath him needily as if he hadn’t just given her five mind-blowing orgasms on his fingers.

He shook his head, trying to focus on not cumming.

“Please, Bucky, just the tip.”

“Shit, don’t say stuff like that.” Bucky’s head tipped back as he closed his eyes for a second to keep from staring into her imploring ones.

“Please, Bucky. Give me your cum. I missed being filled up of your cum so much.” She begged further, “I’m clean, I promise.”

“I never doubted you, puppy.” Bucky opened his eyes, pressing his lips to hers at once.

“Then give it to me,” she moaned on his lips, holding his face close to hers by the cheek, “give me all of your cum, Bucky. Fill me up until I’m leaking all over myself and your couch.”

“Fuck, doll, I can’t hold back anymore. You wanna be filled up? I’m gonna fill you up,” he growled, popping the fat tip of his cock inside her pussy.

She arched her back for Bucky, desperate to feel more of him, “thank you.”

She missed this cock stretching her to her limits so bad. She missed its girth and its veins and the hot cum it paints her walls with.

Bucky could all but let go at the first clench of her pussy, feeling his cum shoot inside of her until it had filled her up to the brim.

He watched her sigh in satisfaction, a smile spreading on her sweet face as Bucky’s hot load filled up her pulsating cunt.

Bucky reluctantly slipped out of her, watching his cum leak out of her ruined pussy, “oh thank you, doll.”

She couldn’t keep her thighs off the couch anymore, body limp and exhausted. She hissed once again when her raw skin touched the rough couch but didn’t pull her legs back up.

Bucky sighed, kissing her forehead lovingly before going to the bathroom to get a wet cloth to clean her up.

He tried to be gentle as he moved around her skin, wiping away the cum and the sweat. He went to leave the cloth in the bathroom and when he came back, she was tiredly perching herself on his lap.

Bucky smiled, taking the calendula cream from the coffee table to finally rub some against her marked butt and thighs. Aftercare was the most important part and he wasn’t about to forego it.

“How the hell did he fail at making you cum?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask as his palm rubbed circles on her sore skin.

“I guess it was me and my unorgasmable pussy.” She chuckled, making Bucky even madder at the man.

He had caused her to think there was something wrong with her and her body?

“Seems pretty orgasmable to me, doll. He’s the one with a broken penis.” Bucky grunted, focusing on keeping his touch gentle on her skin.

“Could make the other girl cum just fine, so not that broken.” She mumbled into her forearms as she rested her chin on them, wanting nothing more than to disappear.

“What?”

Now Bucky really was angry.

“He cheated on me.”

Her voice was so sad, so shattered.

“Doll,”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if there was even something to say to make this better.

“Yeah, found them together in his bed and everything. They do try to cover up with the white bed sheet just like the movies.” She chuckled again.

She was making jokes, trying to make light of her pain like she always would, but Bucky wasn’t laughing.

“Doll, I’m so sorry. He’s an asshole.”

“It’s fine, really. Doesn’t come as a surprise to me that I wasn’t enough for him.”

“It isn’t fine and you are enough. You’re everything.”

“Bucky, you don’t have to—”

“Be my girl.”

“What?” Her head whipped back so fast, thinking she must have imagined the words.

“Forget about the rules and the deal and forget about our fears. Be my girl, doll,” Bucky repeated.

“Buck, I—”

“I know I’m messed up beyond repair, but if there’s one thing I can’t mess up, it’s loving you, doll. And if I suck at it, let me die trying my best for you.”

“Why’d you have to go and talk about dying now!” She sat back up, not waiting for her skin to fully absorb the cream as she straddled him again.

Her body was hot all over as she took it his words; words she had imagined him saying while standing alone in the shower so many times before that she’d lost count.

“Be my girl.” Bucky smiled, “let me love you like you deserve, doll.”

“You—”

“Yes. I love you,” Bucky admitted, shrugging, his blunt nails clawing at the small of her back nervously.

“You love me love me?”

“I love you love you.” His palms flattened against the small of her back as he nodded with a bigger smile.

“I love you love you!” She exclaimed angrily, “why didn’t you say anything!” She punched Bucky’s chest.

“Ow!” Bucky laughed, holding her hand midway before she could hit him again, “I didn’t think I deserved you.” He kissed her fist.

The gesture left her quiet as a smile formed on her face despite herself.

She cupped Bucky’s cheek and kissed his lips softly, “you’re an idiot.”

“Still think I don’t deserve you, doll. But I can’t pretend like I’m not madly in love with you anymore.”

He tried to deepen the kiss but she pulled away, shocked.

“Bucky, what are you talking about? If anything, I don’t deserve you!”

“Baby, you deserve the whole world.”

“I don’t want the whole world!” She threw her hands in the air, “just one idiot who would hold me on his lap after a good spanking,” she mumbled shyly, making Bucky laugh.

“This one idiot is all yours if you’d have him, doll.” Bucky’s smile was for once reaching his eyes as he brought her in for another kiss.

“I love you,” she repeated, throwing her body around his, holding him tight, fearing it might be a dream.

“I love you too, baby. I don’t deserve you but fuck I love you so much it keeps me up at night like a teenager,” he confessed in her hair, his big hand pressing her closer to him.

“Stop saying that.” She looked him in the eyes, “you deserve everything good in this whole universe and then some. I just hope I could be enough.”

“Could be enough— doll, you’re enough. You’re just right. The exact amount. You’re it. You’re the best for me and the only one I want.”

She didn’t know what to say to that so she put her lips on Bucky’s again and let the kiss demolish her fears and insecurities.

She was in Bucky’s arms and she was enough. She was safe and loved.

This was Bucky. Bucky, who was never intimidated by her professional success. Bucky, who has met her at her worst. Bucky, who has never done her wrong. Bucky, who has gotten to see the real, raw her and never turned away.

It was in that very moment that she realized that running away from Bucky to find love with other men was the worst crime she had committed against herself because now the mere idea of being out of this man’s arms and heart was too illogical and incredulous to even consider.

“I love you,” Bucky repeated on her lips as they caught their breaths.

And she could see it all in his loving, blue eyes as they adored every inch of her face: she was home and she was never getting lost again.

~

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[seokminfilm]

fast pace 🍒 choi seungcheol

🍒 pairing, choi seungcheol x reader

🍒 warnings, non-idol au, marriage au, husband/girl dad seungcheol, overprotective seungcheol, wholesome family interaction, seungcheol calls reader "sweetheart" once, suggestive at the end (if you squint)

🍒 summary, your daughter was just like seungcheol—so alike it drove you a bit insane.

🍒 author's note, trying not to tweak out right now (just wrote a whole seokmin fic (@realmofclouds' request) to accidentally delete it all and have tumblr save the now-empty post 🧍) so here's this seungcheol fic to try to salvage something for you guys 😭 trust me i'll write a BUNCH next week to make up for it (spring break week woop woop!) please enjoy girl dad cheol i know i enjoyed writing it SJKJDFSJK

🍒 now playing, fast pace (seventeen)

🍒 word count, 1k (1k exactly what the hell) | for @kstrucknet

when you got the call that you would have to go pick your four-year-old daughter up from her kindergarten class, seungcheol would not rest until you had allowed him to drive you there.

"i want to see what she got in trouble for myself." seungcheol had a streak when it came to his daughter, mi-cheol (she did have part of his name, after all). he could never seem to believe that his daughter would do no wrong, and even when you had told him that she had gotten in trouble, he had asked you "are you being serious?" about seven times before you had broken down and shown him the message.

and so, here you were, sitting in the kindergarten lobby as the two of you waited to retrieve mi-cheol.

seungcheol sat in the chair beside you, glancing down at his watch as he grumbled something under his breath. as a businessman (and a slightly overdramatic father), seungcheol loved when things were speedy, especially when concerning his oh-so-lovable daughter.

seungcheol tapped his dress shoe impatiently on the tile, long eyelashes brushing against his eyebrows as he glared at the constantly ticking clock. sensing his impatience, you place a soft hand on his arm, side-eyeing him as he sighs.

"please, cheol. patience." you sounded like you were talking to a disobedient child—and you were, in a way. seungcheol was just like mi-cheol in that aspect—they couldn't listen to someone for the life of them.

as soon as the thought of your doe-eyed, pouty-lipped baby girl crossed your mind, out she came, backpack in tow as she grinned at you.

"daddy!" mi-cheol runs right past you and immediately clings onto seungcheol's dress pants leg. the smile that breaks on seungcheol's stern features is only one mi-cheol can bring out, and he reaches down quickly, swiftly swooping the four-year-old in his arms as he gives you one last glance before heading to the car.

apologizing on mi-cheol's behalf and signing her out, you follow the two shortly, getting in the passenger's side of the car as you grab the tail end of seungcheol and mi-cheol's conversation.

"so, what did she do?" you ask, knowing good and well it may not be a good idea to hear the story from seungcheol. luckily, mi-cheol steps up to the plate herself, clearing her throat after taking a few sips from her juice cup.

"a boy called me cute, so i slapped him in the face." the sentence is simple, but so absurd at the same time that you can't help but burst into laughter.

seungcheol, on the other hand, is absolutely seething. his eyes are dark as soon as he hears the words 'boy' and 'cute', and you can see him jumping to all sorts of conclusions in his head. his grip on the steering wheel is tight, and he's blankly staring at the road, probably fighting back a profanity or two.

seungcheol was overprotective, everyone knew that—he held both you and mi-cheol to a very high standard, and therefore watched the two of you with a hawkeye. he never let boys near mi-cheol, and lord forbid a guy would try to hit on you—he would let them know their place, quickly too.

"a boy?" seungcheol asks softly (too softly for your liking), and you can see mi-cheol nodding from her booster seat, cup in hand as she lets out a little scoff. "i am not cute."

"oh, baby. you are cute—you just...you don't want a boy telling you that, do you?" you question, and mi-cheol nods, an overdramatic pout similar to her father's adorning her face.

"yeah. the only boy i want to call me cute is daddy." mi-cheol makes a sound that you think may be similar to 'yuck', although it doesn't sound like that in the slightest.

seungcheol’s hard exterior is broken by that sentence in an instant, and he’s smiling from ear to ear in the cutest way possible, nodding as he looks back at his daughter with nothing but pure fondness.

“good girl, mimi.” seungcheol encourages mi-cheol with a proud grin on his face, and you sigh, knowing this would happen—of course seungcheol would say nothing about how his daughter’s actions were wrong.

if anything, he was overjoyed that she realized the rules seungcheol had set in place before she was even born—”boys are a no-no.”

“seungcheol.” you whisper, glaring at him as he catches your gaze. reading the disapproval in your eyes, seungcheol bites back an eye roll before sighing, biting his full lips as he returns to the hard exterior mi-cheol had broken with her confession.

“mimi, sweet baby girl—you shouldn’t handle things like that with violence, okay?. if a boy calls you cute and you don’t like it, tell it to him. don’t let him get away with it, of course, but don’t slap or hit him, okay? will you remember that for daddy?” you can tell it pains seungcheol to give this speech to his sweet little mi-cheol, watching the way his thick eyebrows twitch when he says the words ‘boy’ and ‘cute’.

“okay, daddy. i’ll remember it.” mi-cheol holds a thumbs-up to seungcheol, and he nods, giving her a small smile as he pulls up at a red light. proud of your husband for holding back his overprotective nature, you kiss his ring finger, warm lips ghosting the cool metal wedding band on his finger.

it makes seungcheol chuckle lowly to himself, reveling in your love as he smiles at you, glancing back at his mini-me (who’s currently eating a bowl of cherries).

"you owe me for this, sweetheart." seungcheol whispers, voice laced with a low, suggestive tone as he studies your face darkly. chuckling, you throw your head back, letting it hit the headrest as your hands rest on seungcheol's forearm.

"name your price, cheol. i'll give it to you," you add teasingly, and with the look and smile seungcheol gives you at your words, you already have an idea of what that could possibly be.

[sungchanphile]

we'll always have summer ☀︎ lee juyeon

₊ ⊹☼ WORD COUNT: 18.0k ₊ ⊹☼ PAIRING: the boyz' lee juyeon x female reader ₊ ⊹☼ TAGS & WARNINGS: summer vacation!au, teeth-rotting fluff, no angst whatsoever nada, juyo having a crush, reader is a bit shy at first, no plot just y/nyeon hanging out and pining for each other, dialogue heavy, a scene making out and some kisses here and there, canadaz instigating together

₊ ⊹☼ SYNOPSIS: during your post-college-graduation crisis, you meet lee juyeon during a 3 week lake house vacation with your mutual friends. serendipity watches over you as you get entangled into a whirlwind summer romance.

₊ ⊹☼ NOTES: hyung line are all the same age in this as each other, 98 line as each other and maknae line as each other! idk how i wrote 18k words of juyeon pathetically crushing on y/n but here it is! also the female ocs in this fic have no relation to any idol irl or at least was not written with anyone in mind :-) this also feels like the wrong time to post a tbz fic but i'm desperate to get this out and i'm hoping and praying that the boyz can resolve their negotiations with ist and find a good home in their new label <3

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Whoever said that university was supposed to be the best 4 years of your life didn't think about the implications of that phrase on deeply lost and terrified new grads. Sure, it was intended as an encouragement to try and enjoy your college years while you were in them, but now you're on the other side and all you can feel is... now what?

In hindsight, there was a reason that seniors spent practically the whole year panicking about what came next and applying to every internship, grad role and job listing that popped up, no matter how relevant. You too had participated to some degree but to no avail as you stand here with no employment or future education plans in mind.

Okay, so maybe going on a 3 week holiday as soon as you come out of graduation wasn't the best idea you've ever had, but technically, it wasn't even your idea. In fact, you had even rejected Kevin's invitation multiple times citing your need to job hunt in the city immediately, but he kept pestering and pestering and pestering that you eventually had to give in. The universe will reward you for at least trying to resist, right?

There were really many reasons to not go on this trip. The main one being that Kevin was the only person out of about 15 people you knew that were coming on this trip. You had met a few of his friends fleetingly before, but never long enough or often enough to form a proper friendship or relationship with them as you did with your junior year project partner turned friend. Another reason was that you were so painfully introverted and shy that meeting all these new people all at once with nowhere to run to or hide seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster. What were you going to do if it all went wrong?

Still, Kevin had managed to address all your worries and reassured you that his friends were very welcoming and aware not to overwhelm you too much.

"Remember Y/N, we're here to relax, have a good time and forget the worries of the real world," Kevin lectured you as the two of you entered the lake house together. He had been the one to organise this trip as he found the cabin slash mansion and then roped all of his friends into joining.

Chanhee and Changmin had slept the entire ride, so Kevin allocated them the job of hauling everything from the car into the house. The people pleaser in you was desperate to help, but Kevin maintained that staying up and entertaining him on the long drive up was enough and that the two boys deserved it for being so called lazy.

"There's 5 bedrooms, all with two double beds," Kevin recalled as he scoured the house, "We take the biggest room with the en-suite."

"We can sleep 20 people? Why didn't you invite more?" you plopped your bags onto the large sectional couch.

Kevin just shrugged and stepped away to investigate the documents on a table, "So we could have a bit more space. Plus, we didn't want to invite anyone else."

"Aw i'm honoured to have made the cut, Kev," you teased by nudging him on the shoulder.

He shot you an unimpressed glare, "Clearly not considering that you literally refused to come until two weeks ago."

"I'm here, aren't I?" you countered, running to the front door to hold it open as you saw the other two boys approaching with the miscellaneous things your group was assigned to pack. It mostly involved some activities like a karaoke machine, some boards and floaties for swimming and other things to keep you entertained.

Another group set to arrive later was assigned the food supplies, while the girls that were coming on the trip were in charge of drinks.

"How far away are the others?" Chanhee smiled at you appreciatively as you make their life a little easier. He set two bags down on the floor. Changmin hobbles behind him with overflowing arms, clearly not wanting to make more trips than necessary.

Kevin pulled out his phone and hummed as he checked on the drivers' locations, "Jacob's car is like only a few minutes behind. Sangyeon's car is like an hour behind and the girls won't be here for a couple of hours since Minseo had to do a morning shift at work so they left a bit late."

"Who's in Jacob's car?" you asked curiously, wondering who you were going to meet first. You'd met Jacob a few times before when you were a junior and he was always very nice to you despite not having spent an extended period of time together. However, you hadn't seen him in almost a year! Obviously you had been acquainted with Chanhee and Changmin now, but you'd only met them once before they climbed into Kevin's car for the long journey that they dozed through.

"I think Hak, Eric and Juyeon are with Jacob and Sunwoo, Younghoon and Hyunjae are with Sangyeon," Changmin listed off quickly, "Prepare yourself to meet Eric, seriously."

"Hopefully he's sleepy from the drive," Chanhee rolled his eyes playfully but fondly at the thought of their youngest friend.

While this was a graduation trip for the boys in your car and a few of the others, Kevin had still invited their friends of different ages. It was a nice way to escape the reality of adult life for those who had graduated the year before you and just a fun trip for the incoming seniors below you.

You've heard from Kevin that his friends had a vast range of personalities, which you expected considering there were 11 of them. The concept of opposites attract definitely applied to friendships too, which was how Kevin's bubbly and social self found you, a raging introvert.

By the time that Jacob's car roared into the pebble driveway, you had already unpacked your clothes in the closet that you were sharing with Jacob and Kevin- the only ones you knew and felt comfortable with. Kevin had decided to just throw his duffle onto the foot of the bed and will probably just dig out some outfits each day from the floor.

You heard commotion begin to rumble downstairs through your ajar door and fought an internal conflict whether to go down and make yourself known or have Kevin come and get you. By the end of it, they had made that decision for you when you hear multiple footsteps stomp up the creaky stairs.

"Y/N, how are you? It's good to see you again!" Jacob flashed you his signature sweet smile as he tapped on the door and opened it wider, "Can we come in?"

"Sure, it's your room too! It's also good to see you, Jacob," you replied, getting up from the edge of the bed where you were rummaging through your backpack.

"You must be the famous Y/N," someone with a boyish smile peeked from behind Jacob, "I'm Eric! Nice to finally meet you."

"Ah, I've heard lots about you!" you gave him a small but enthusiastic wave.

"And knowing Kevin, it was probably not nice things," Eric scoffed as he shot a glare over his shoulder in the direction of the staircase behind him. That was when both he and you noticed a tall boy lingering behind him.

Eric wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brought him forward, "And this is Juyeon-hyung."

Through his sleepy, lid-heavy eyes, Juyeon gave you a soft smile, "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

"Juyeon," you let the word ruminate in your mouth as to why his name sounded familiar until it comes to you, "Ah, you're one of the others who graduated, right?"

He nodded, letting his face relax into a small smile, "Yeah."

"Congratulations to you," you tell him.

"You too, Y/N," there's a softness to Juyeon's voice- a kind of kindness and sincerity that comes naturally. Whereas Eric's voice was immediately enthusiastic and upbeat, Juyeon was calmer and more demure.

Eric disappeared behind Juyeon and Jacob was unzipping his bag behind you on the bed he was sharing with Kevin. You point awkwardly to the bag that Juyeon was clutching in his hands, "Which room are you staying in?"

As if he just remembered he was carrying it, Juyeon's eyes snapped to his hold before he let out a soft 'ah!', "I'm rooming with Chanhee and Changmin. Do you know which room that is?"

If you recalled correctly, you did, "I think it's that one," you point to the door immediately behind him, just opposite of your room.

Juyeon gives you an appreciative nod and pushes the handle of his room open with his elbow, "Thanks Y/N. See you later."

"Bye Juyeon."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Over the rest of the first day, you settled yourself on the living room couch with Kevin playing a variety of card games and planning what you wanted to do on the trip while doing so. The others dipped in and out- Jacob joining when he finished unpacking and Changmin once he got tired of Chanhee beating him at table tennis outside.

Eric was stretched out on one of the other couches, soft snores coming out of his mouth after the drive exhausted him (and also the other passengers who he was 'entertaining'). You don't know where Juyeon disappeared to, but it was probably to replace Changmin as Chanhee's opponent.

The game of dobble was getting heated with Jacob's rare frustrated side coming out, as was teased by the other players. So far, Changmin had won the most games, but that was probably because he was the most willing to scream and snatch the card away. You, on the other hand, had miserably lost every single round.

But at least you were able to plan your meals over the game of snakes and ladders you played earlier.

Once Sangyeon's car arrived and you acquainted yourself with him, Younghoon and Sunwoo, you excused yourself from the game under the guise of being a very bad loser, which you were.

You hadn't checked out the back garden and it's various facilities yet, so you were intrigued considering that was one of the main reasons that Kevin booked this place.

"Hi Y/N, do you wanna play?" Chanhee waved to you as soon as he spotted you in between serves. Juyeon followed suit.

"Nah, I'll watch for now- I just wanted to check out the yard!" you gestured to the area.

You immediately noticed the large blue swimming pool that dominated most of the garden. There were lounge chairs and umbrellas strewn around it and a little enclosure with pool floats provided. There was a fire pit with outdoor chairs in the back corner and then a stretch of grass that was perfect for net games like foot volleyball or badminton. Chanhee and Juyeon were occupying the ping pong table, but you were also standing next to a pool table in the covered patio.

The lake you were staying at was located a short walk down some steps from the front of the house, so you could only see some hills and other houses from the back. It was definitely a nice atmosphere combined with the warm weather you were having and not a bad place to spend 3 weeks procrastinating your life.

You took a seat on the cushioned furniture under the patio, covering your eyes from the sun to watch the boys play. It seemed that Juyeon was overall better than Chanhee, but Chanhee could catch him out with fast balls and spinning balls.

It was entertaining to watch them for a while, your eyes moving either side to follow the ball. They were getting competitive with each other, bringing out their vicious sides, which was amusing to watch. Juyeon seemed like a collected person when you first met him, but like everyone else, he had a different side to him in situations so tense.

"I wanna play," you heard a voice ring behind you, "Let's play pairs?"

Sunwoo appeared from the woodwork and approached the table. Chanhee and Juyeon paused their game, claiming Juyeon as the winner before agreeing to the game.

"Y/N, play with us? Who do you wanna pair up with?"

"I'm not any good at ping pong, so whoever is unfortunate enough to have me then," you got up from your comfy position and stretched out.

"Hm, Sunwoo's not bad so Sunwoo can go with me and you can go with Juyeon since he won," Chanhee reasoned, bringing up the extra paddles from the ground.

You migrated to Juyeon's side, giving him a sheepish look, "I'm sorry, but we're going to lose."

Juyeon chuckled and shook his head, "You have to believe in yourself, Y/N. Here, watch me serve and then you can serve the first ball."

He positioned himself with his body open to you so you could see what he was doing. Juyeon carefully explained what he was going to do and demonstrated the serve. Sunwoo threw the ball back and it rolled over to you.

"You can do it," Juyeon encouraged as you readied your stance.

Taking a deep breath and not wanting to disappoint your partner, you mimicked his movements and jumped in elation when it went exactly where it should have gone. Juyeon cheered beside you, which quickly faded as Chanhee returned the ball to your side, only for it to bounce twice and then land at your feet.

Juyeon was giggling as you looked at him apologetically, "The serve was good, but now we have to work on your return."

"How about I serve and then you just return all of the balls while I stand behind you?" you countered teasingly, "This isn't much of a competition for them."

"Y/N, by the end of this trip, you're going to be a ping pong goddess," Juyeon said firmly, holding up the ball to you again.

Over the next while, you started improving with your skills with tips that the other boys showed you. Juyeon did end up having to carry your team, but you had some good moments too. You didn't expect to be so open to play with the guys, but if Kevin's friends were anything like Kevin, you should have known you would have got along great.

Eventually, some more of the boys decided to come out and play while they started preparing lunch inside with the ingredients they had brought, so you retreated back inside to join Kevin.

"Your friends are nice," you told him sincerely at the kitchen island as you watched Younghoon and Changmin open up endless packets of ramen.

"I told you they were," Kevin agreed.

You had known Kevin for a year and a half, first meeting him at the start of the second semester of junior year. While he had tried to get you to meet his friends multiple times, it just never worked out properly with your schedules all the way up to college graduation. You did want to meet them properly instead of fleeting introductions and goodbyes in the hallways or around campus, but it wasn't your fault that your timetable was absolutely rammed and you were too anti-social to attend any evening events.

However, he had told you enough stories about his friends that it really felt like you did actually know them. That's why meeting them for the first time was weird- you knew lots of things about each of them.

"I don't think me and Chanhee would have ever worked out though," you frowned as you remembered Kevin trying to get you to go on a blind date with him when you first met and got comfortable with each other.

"I see that now," Kevin huffed at his failed matchmaking, "You're both divas- hey!"

You held back a laugh as Kevin's stumbled on his stool from you pushing him, "Don't spread false rumours about me around your friends! They could get the wrong idea!"

"Honey, it's a fact," Kevin snorted, "Once they get to know you better, they'll see what I mean."

Your personality slowly but surely crept out the longer you knew someone, but you weren't sure that 3 weeks was enough time. Then again, it was 3 weeks of constantly seeing them and being forced to spend time with each other, all while doing activities that might just end up testing your will.

"How about Changmin, though?" Kevin tried to whisper lowly.

Said boy whipped his head around and gave Kevin a pointed look, "I'm right here, you know?"

"So? Anybody who I set up with Y/N would be lucky to have her," Kevin jeered to his friend.

From behind you, you hear a deep voice, "Who's being set up with Y/N?"

Juyeon takes the stool beside you, an orange manifesting in his hands that he began to peel. A small smirk flashed on Kevin's face that you did not miss, but Kevin leaned forward and placed his chin and his hand, "Why, are you interested?"

You shoved Kevin again, "You are so annoying. I'm sorry about him Juyeon."

"I'm used to it," Juyeon shrugged casually as he offered up a slice yo you, "Orange?"

You quickly refused and thanked him and he carried on eating the fruit beside you. He must have got bored of the game or wanted to supervise the lunch. You vaguely remember Kevin telling you that Juyeon was one of the better cooks in the group.

After a while of silently supervising the ramen station, the doorbell sounded through the house. Kevin raced to open the door and welcome the girls in.

You had never met them before as they were some of Chanhee and Changmin's friends, but Kevin reassured you that they were very nice girls that you probably would get along with. It's not even that you didn't have many friends of your own- Kevin was just the first to ask you to come on a trip and all of your friends were diving straight into their big-girl jobs.

"I'm guessing you're Y/N? I'm Minseo," a girl with short, cropped hair approached you cheerfully, "Stick with us whenever you get tired of these boys. They get old pretty quick."

Younghoon scoffed as he walked past with the big pot of ramen in his gloved hands to bring to the table, "You three are way more chaotic than us."

"Don't believe him," another one of the girls came over with a backpack that was making a clinking sound, "I'm Suyeon! And I have some of the drinks and Jiwon has the rest."

Suyeon has copper-red hair and piercing eyes, while Jiwon has mousy brown hair and tattoos on her exposed arms. They definitely have dancer builds, so you imagine that they first met Changmin through dance.

The boys take their turns saying their greetings to the girls and Juyeon calls in everybody outside as lunch was ready. Other than the ramen, Younghoon and Changmin had managed to whip up some side dishes from what they brought, so it wasn't a totally helpless lunch.

The table was just a large slab of polished wood on some legs with long benches around each side. It was a little bit of a squeeze to get all 15 of you around the table, but it wasn't totally horrible once everyone settled and stopped squirming.

You had Kevin to your right and Jacob to your left with Eric directly in front of you. The table was too broad, however, to be able to make meaningful conversations with those in front of you without shouting.

"Is there any activities you want to do, Y/N?" Jacob asked you.

You tried to recall the array of activities you saw outside when you pulled up to the house, "I want to row a boat out on the lake. I'm kind of scared of stuff like that. What about you?"

Jacob shrugged, "Nothing particular. I just want to relax after a full year working."

"How has that been anyway?"

He sighed defeatedly, "It's nice making money, but I definitely miss college. Don't let me scare you though."

"I'm terrified enough as it is, considering I don't have a job lined up," you tried to make it sound like it wasn't weighing you down, but Jacob seny you a sympathetic half-smile.

"Loads of people are in the same boat, Y/N. Don't worry about it, honestly. There's always something waiting for you," Jacob advised you softly, "Promise you'll try to enjoy this vacation before worrying about real life?"

"You sound like Kevin, Jacob," you stifled a chuckle, "I will try, I promise.

Your conversation with Jacob is cut short by Eric yelling at the elder to pass the water with his mouth full, followed by him being scolded by the others.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You don't even know what time it is when you wake up the next morning. It's well into summer so the sky is already bright and gives you no indication by the colour and you find that your phone is dead when you tried to check. Remembering that you brought your charger down after dinner while you all watched a movie in the lounge, you groaned at the thought of having to get up so early.

Soft snores were still escaping from Jacob and Kevin's bed, so you tiptoed out of the room, all while trying to brush through your tangled hair with your fingers. The house was so quiet that you definitely did not expect to see someone's back leaning over the kitchen counter while they sat on a stool.

At your footsteps, the mystery figure turned around with a surprised sound.

"Oh, Y/N. Good morning," Juyeon's voice was deep and still raspy this early, "What are you doing up?"

He was wiping his eyes with his fists bawled up and you resisted the urge to 'awh' at him as you fetched your charger from nearby, "I left this here last night and my phone died. I don't know what time it is, but why are you up so early?"

Juyeon shrugged, "I sometimes wake up early and I couldn't go back to sleep. I was going to make a coffee if you want one too?"

In your head, you weighed up the pros and cons of an early morning beverage. Something in you was screaming to go back into your bed and doze off the rest of the morning- something that will be robbed from you when you reach the real world- but at the same time, Juyeon was looking at you with his sleepy, cat-like eyes and red cheeks.

"Sure," you slid onto the stool beside his as he hopped off and made his way around to the kitchen side. There was only the whistling of the kettle for a while as Juyeon collated all the ingredients he needed and found the mugs in the cupboard. He only broke the silence to ask you if you took milk and sugar in your coffee.

You had zoned out so much that you didn't snap back into reality until he was sliding your coffee over to you and placing a plate full of French pastries between you as he took a seat. Gratefully, you pinched the croissant to curve your morning hunger.

"How did you find yesterday?" Juyeon began as he sipped on his drink.

"It was nice meeting everyone. I think I knew everyone's names anyway from Kevin talking about you all before and from his posts," you told him, "I'm still feeling shy, but it will just take time for me to get comfortable."

"I was the same when I first met everyone," Juyeon nodded, "We all came at different times since we're different ages, but I also get shy meeting new people, so I know how you feel. I'm glad that Kevin managed to convince you to come, though."

Your surprised look doesn't faze him, "Ah, really?"

Juyeon looked slightly more awake after a few sips of coffee as he smiles gently at you, "It's always nice to make a friend."

"Yeah," you agreed. Juyeon had a certain way of speaking that was just so comforting and he was quickly becoming one of Kevin's friends that you could see yourself being close to.

"Are you staying in the city after this?" he moved on casually.

Ah, the famous question. Your grimace told him everything he needed to know as you scrunched up your face, "I would like to, but that's T-B-D. It's gonna be stressful looking for a job after I get back from the trip- that's why I didn't want to come in the first place. But whatever. What about you?"

"I'm gonna be a dance teacher at a local studio," Juyeon told you, pride sparkling through the statement, "I'm excited about it, but my dream is to have my own studio one day, have a crew and work with some famous people."

You suddenly remembered something Kevin had told you once, "Ah, you majored in dance with Changmin, right?"

Juyeon nodded.

"Kevin took me to one of your showcases once this year, but I had to run out before I could meet you guys after," you recalled fondly, "You had a duet with Changmin and I remember being very, very impressed. I can't dance, so..."

He looks at you in surprise as you remembered it, "Oh, thank you for coming! And I really appreciate that. I'm going to miss those showcases, actually. They were always stressful leading up to them, but when I get to perform, it's the best feeling ever."

The lilt in his voice told you just how passionate he was when it came to dance. You wished that you had something you treasured dearly too, but you tried to remember Jacob's words from dinner- something will always be waiting for you.

"I'm gonna have to see you guys dance again at some point," you smiled, "I know Kevin said a lot of you guys do."

"What has Kevin told you about me?" Juyeon placed his chin on his palm, body leaning over towards you.

You paused for a minute, trying to recall all the facts you knew about Kevin's friend and trying to pick out the ones related to him, "He said you're the best cook in the group and that the world moves too fast for you. He said that you like nature too."

"Too? You do as well?" he asked curiously, "They say I'm slow, which they may be right."

"Yeah! I like taking walks and seeing the world," you affirmed, "I've never been to this part of the country, so I'm intrigued by the area. It looks so beautiful from what I saw on the drive up."

"We should definitely take walks together!" Juyeon suggested enthusiastically, "I don't know how many of the others will join, but it'll be fun."

Before you could agree with him despite how shy he was making you feel, Changmin's sleepy voice boomed out behind you, "Morning guys."

"Did we wake you up?" you asked him in concern.

Changmin shook his bed hair firmly, "Nope. Chanhee rolled over and started cuddling me."

"So you left him?" you teased.

"It got too warm," Changmin whined as he noticed your small breakfast spread, "Can I get a coffee too?"

"Hah, make it yourself," Juyeon huffed as he pointed out where the supplies were kept, "Did you know Y/N attended our showcase a few months ago? The one where we had the duet?"

Changmin laid out the items on the other side of the island and thought for a second before a eureka moment came to him, "Was that the one you had to leave early cause you had a date?"

You groaned at the thought, flopping your head in your hands on the table, "Oh, don't remind me! I can't believe Kevin told you."

Juyeon looked between the two of you, confusion splattered on his face, "Why, what happened?"

You shivered in your seat, "He was a dickhead. It was a blind date with one of my friends' boyfriend's frat brothers and it was so bad I had to actually tell him I wanted to leave."

"Oh, that bad?" Juyeon grimaced.

"He shamed me for ordering a proper meal, insinuated many, many times how he wanted to come over to my place after, picked up a call from one of his friends in the middle of it and then made me pay the whole bill when I said I wanted to leave and offered to split," you recounted, slightly more amused looking back on it now.

"That's really horrible, Y/N," Changmin offered as he stirred his drink.

"I'm used to bad dates now," you sighed in defeat, "I've never had any luck."

Juyeon made a noise of recognition from your side, "Have you gone on a lot of dates?"

"Mhm, my friends all found their partners pretty early on in college. I guess they just wanted me to have the same magical experience as them, so they'd always set me up on dates," you recalled your dating life through the past 4 years, "Actually, I went on a date with Jacob accidentally without knowing he was Kevin's friend before he graduated."

Changmin's eyes widened as he laughed in realisation and slapped the countertop, "I forgot that happened! That's so funny."

Juyeon pouted beside you, "Am I the only one that's never heard of any of this?"

"Maybe it's cause you holed yourself up the last two years in the practice room," Changmin replied sassily.

"Says you!" Juyeon turned to you, "How did your date with Cobie-hyung go?"

"I thought he was really sweet, but we decided not to go on a second date because he was graduating soon," you answered honestly, "He only did it as a favour to my friend when they worked on a project together."

"Oh, so you liked him?" Juyeon pressed on.

Your face reddened as you vehemently shook your head, "It's not like that! We just went on one date, that's all."

"Stop teasing poor Y/N," Changmin frowned from the other side, "It's like coming up to 8 now, so we should start making a proper breakfast for everyone."

You hadn't exactly established how you were going to do the cooking rota, but since you three were already down there, it wasn't a bad idea to get started. Juyeon agreed, hopping off the stool and rummaging the fridge for what they brought.

A grocery trip was definitely due with everyone, but for now, Juyeon's car had lugged along some ingredients from their college apartments that could be utilised.

"Can I be of any help?" you asked into the air as you watched Changmin check what was in each cupboard.

"Are you good at cooking, Y/N?" Juyeon quirked an eyebrow at you. You gave him an unsure look, to which he laughed and handed you a carton of eggs, "I guess I have a lot to teach you during this vacation, Y/N-ah."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

You've always preferred the sunset to the sunrise. Maybe it's because you've seen far more sunsets in your lifetime, due to your previous displeasure of waking up early. Over the last few months with finals, though, you've gotten used to being up at the time the sun peaked through the horizon, even if it was because you hadn't slept yet.

The moment that Minseo noticed the first shades of pinks in the sky, she dragged the whole group out to the waterfront and you all were sprawled out on the ground, watching as the sun dipped down. There hasn't been a good sunset in the four days that you've been here, so you were excited for the first one with the group.

You were even almost confident enough to call them friends as you spent the past four days getting to know them through lunches and dinners, boardgames and pingpong and cooking and cleaning. They were all great people with impeccable sense of humour- you were glad to have come to the trip.

You perched Hyunjae's digital camera on your tucked knees as you examined the way the sky was transforming. Beside you, Kevin was sketching in his notebook.

It was getting late, nearing 8, and you had spent the whole day in the pool with everyone playing different games and lounging around. You all decided as a group that you would take the first week easy- no plans, just relaxing. After that was when you would jump into activities outside of the lake house. You were on the winning team of pool volleyball today, but had lost every chicken fight on top of Kevin's shoulders.

After dinner, you were all drying up when Minseo called everyone out. The air was still warm, but less aggressive than the sun beating down on your skin earlier in the day. There was a mild breeze that cut through the heat, making it more bearable to be outside.

Chanhee was sat on your other side, humming a song as he scrolled on his phone, meanwhile in front of you on the small hill, Jiwon and Suyeon were playing uno with Younghoon and Juyeon. You snapped a picture of them with the camera entrusted to you, which they didn't even notice.

"Jiwon has a crush on Younghoon," Chanhee whispered in your ear. You jumped in your spot, clutching the camera tight to your chest.

"Jesus, Chanhee. You scared me!" you scolded the smirking boy.

"Oops," he patted your head in apology, "Isn't it obvious though?"

You turned your head back to the group to examine. Now that you knew that, you could put meaning to the way that Jiwon was leaning her body towards Younghoon's and the way she clung onto every word he said and everything he did.

"Does Younghoon know?" you hummed.

"I think so, or he's pretending to be dense," Chanhee murmured, "I think he was waiting for Jiwon to graduate, so maybe something will happen on the trip. They've been friends since high school, but the girls are on the dance team with us."

"That's cute," you noted, "What about the other girls?"

"Minseo and Sangyeon dated for a few months, but nothing ever came of it and they stayed as friends," Chanhee recalled in a dropped voice, leaning his lips up to your ear due to Sangyeon's proximity, "But they don't like it when we make jokes about it. Suyeon's never showed interest in anyone but Eric used to have a crush on her. Not anymore, though. In my opinion, proximity can make people think they feel things."

"What, like being around someone can trick you into liking them? Isn't that how crushes and relationships work?" you turned your body to face Chanhee.

He cocked his head in thought, "Maybe, but sometimes people develop crushes for the sake of having crushes instead of actually liking someone. Like some people feel compelled to date someone or like someone because everyone else expects them to because they're close."

"That's..." you trailed off, trying to find the right word to say, "Interesting."

Chanhee lets out a small giggle and turns back to his phone, "It's just something I've thought about after seeing so much friendship group incest."

When you swivel your head back to the lake and the sky beyond it, you find Juyeon staring at you with a perplexed look. When he noticed that you were looking back, he raised his arm in a small wave. You return one back to him, a little confused why he was looking. Suyeon nudged his arm, directing his attention back to the game in front of him.

"Have you ever thought about dating Kevin?" Chanhee asked after a moment of silence.

Kevin beside you perked up at the sound of his name, the scratching of his pencil ceasing. You met his eye and chuckled, "I think we always knew that we'd be better off as friends."

"She's not my type," Kevin dropped in as a dig. You nudged him when you made sure his pencil wasn't touching the paper.

"What's your type, Y/N?" Chanhee pressed on, "If you don't mind me asking."

You thought about his question carefully, trying to pick out what was actually important to you instead of what you would list off to your friends when they would find blind date suitors.

"I just want someone I can be comfortable with and not have to put on an act," you told him simply, "It'd be nice if they'd have some of the same interests as me, but I want someone I can find comfort in. Someone not too energetic and just someone who can treat a girl right. It's not a big ask."

"What, that's it?"

You nodded sheepishly, "To be honest, I just want to find someone naturally- to have them come to me. I've appreciated being set up on dates, but I don't want to look too hard anymore."

"What about giving Jacob another shot?" Kevin quizzed suddenly.

You release a small laugh, "I think that ship has sailed, Kev."

Jacob was a few metres away, strumming on his guitar surrounded by the rest of your friends. There was something so lovely about Jacob, but past that, you don't think you could see a relationship with him.

"Hmm, Hyunjae? He's very nice," Chanhee offered up, a teasing tone in his voice.

You rolled your eyes at your companions, "Did you two not hear anything I said? I want it to happen naturally."

You suddenly get distracted by someone ooh'ing and ahh'ing loudly. When you look up, you're instantly met by the most vibrant sky you've seen in a long time. The sky is painted in shades of cotton candy pink and vivid oranges. It was one of those bright, golden sunsets, devoid of any moody colours.

Snapping a few pictures on the camera of your friends and their silhouettes against the sky, you stood up for a better view. Through the lens, you find Jiwon and Younghoon standing together, shoulder to shoulder as they peered up. You were so preoccupied by their figures that you missed Juyeon standing up, brushing himself off and walking over to you.

"Y/N, can I have the camera?" Juyeon appeared beside you, making you jump slightly.

"Oh yeah, sure," you carefully placed the camera in his palm, not wanting to be reckless with something that wasn't yours.

Juyeon smiled appreciatively, taking one step back behind you and holding it up, "Okay, smile!"

Your eyes widened in surprise as you shook your head, "Don't get me in it! It won't turn out nice."

Trying to escape, you ducked to the side of him, but he caught onto your wrist and gently manoeuvred you back to your original place. Juyeon gave you a pointed look, "Trust me, okay? Just smile. Say cheese!"

Sensing that you wouldn't be able to get him to back down, you indulged his request and smiled softly at the camera. The digital device looked so tiny in his large hands compared to how they looked in yours that it was almost comical. He had to fumble a little to find the button, but when he clicked it finally, you broke your pose.

Juyeon looked down at the screen as you came closer to see for yourself. He turned it towards you with a triumphant smile on his handsome features, "See? So pretty."

He's probably talking about the sunset.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

On a morning you found yourself awake early again, you received a DM from one Lee Juyeon.

juyeon: i was about to go on a walk. care to join?

y/n: how did you know i was awake?

juyeon: i saw that you viewed my story i just uploaded :> will you come?

y/n: give me 10 minutes

When you tiptoed down the stairs at precisely 7:15AM, you found Juyeon squinting at you from the living room couch.

"Has anyone ever told you that you squint a lot?" you yawned out as you placed your shoes on the ground and slipped into them.

"I have terrible vision," Juyeon explained, "And before you ask, I don't have glasses because I cheated on my eye test."

You slapped your hand over your mouth to muffle the laughs coming out, "How is that even possible?"

Juyeon rolled his eyes playfully, "Yeah, yeah. I know!"

He stood up from his place on the couch and followed you out of the front door. With one of the spare keys, he locked the door behind him and joined your side.

"Do you even know what I look like?" you teased him.

He made you stop on the gravel track, placing his hands on your shoulders. Teasingly, he squinted his eyes at you before relaxing onto the heel of his foot, "Of course I do. I would never forget a pretty face like yours."

Shocked at his flirty remarks, you pushed against his shoulder with your hand, "You're too much, Lee Juyeon."

His laugh is melodic as he tried to catch up with your fast pace, "You should learn how to take compliments, Y/N."

"Yeah, but you're teasing me," you humphed in response.

"Maybe, but it's still a factual compliment!" Juyeon argued. You were embarrassed to know that your whole face and ears were probably lit up like a tomato right now from his words.

Instead of replying, you chose to steer the conversation away, "Do you even know where we're going?"

Juyeon shook his head, "I just thought we could follow this trail around the lake. It's a nice morning."

The air was crispy- not too hot, not too cold. Everything was pretty still, other than the few people you could see having coffee on their front decks at the other houses surrounding the river. All you could hear, though, was the chirping of the birds in nests nestled in the trees and the soft crunching of rocks and grass under your shoes.

You hadn't managed to walk around the lake with the others yet in the week you've been there already. Time was moving so fast and there was still so much left to do. You were intrigued by the flora surrounding the lake, so you were trying to find free time to explore- thankfully, Juyeon beat you to it.

"Look at those flowers," you murmured after a few minutes of walking. There were tufts of pink flowers by the water edge that you crouched down to investigate further.

You heard the shutter of a camera faster than you could see Juyeon taking a picture of you on the ground.

"Hey!" you pouted up at him, swatting at his hand, "Let me see!"

"No can do," Juyeon replied smugly, "For my eyes only."

You brushed off your legs and stretched up next to him to continue walking, "That's not fair! I'm in the photo!"

"Later," Juyeon hummed innocently, walking forward a bit faster.

He continued leading you around the lake for a while, just chatting about trivial things you could see. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his cargo shorts, eyes shaded from the sun with his cap. At one point, you spotted a paddling of ducks near the edge, so you dragged Juyeon down to crouch beside you as you took pictures of them.

"Look how small that one is!" you cooed, pointing to what seemed like a baby duck that was following behind its mother closely.

"And look how cute they are when they tuck their necks in," Juyeon reciprocated as he found a flock further away that seemed to be sleeping or resting on the water.

"I used to have a stream behind my house when I was young, so I've always loved ducks," you waft a blade of long grass in the direction of the ducks, hoping they'd come to you.

"That seems like a nice childhood," you could hear the gentle smile in his gentle voice, "What was your childhood like?"

Your eyes followed the animals splashing about in the water, amused as two of them started chasing each other, "Nothing special. My parents had ordinary jobs and I have an older brother and a younger sister, so I was stuck in the middle. I grew up just outside of the city we went to college in, so I got to visit them often. My life's not very exciting. What about you?"

Juyeon humphed in disagreement, "I'm sure that's not true. There's always something special about the mundane. I grew up not far from the city too. I have a little brother who's 4 years younger and he's kind of in his teen-angsty phase right now, so I'm staying away physically. I call home pretty often, though."

"My sister just got out of hers," you laughed in solidarity. You finally decided to leave the ducks alone as they changed course away from you, "We get along much better now."

The sun was rising higher in the sky as you reached the halfway point around the lake. At this point, you had probably been out together for 45 minutes, but no one was noticing your absence yet.

"I can't believe they're not awake yet," you murmured as you checked your notifications.

"Nah, Changmin and Chanhee were awake and reading webtoons in bed," Juyeon informed you, "I told them we were going on a walk."

"You didn't invite them?"

"There's no getting those two out so early for no reason. That one morning with Changmin was a fluke," Juyeon uttered, "Besides, it's nice just us two, right?"

His words send the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy- he seems to have a way of doing that to you without even realising. You've spent a good amount of time with Juyeon on this trip, thinking that he was just taking you under his wing. Unfortunately for you, the man was drop dead gorgeous so it was hard not to feel giddy around him. Especially since he had such a way with words.

You have to remind yourself often that you were just friends. He treated everyone just like he treated you, right? Lee Juyeon was just a nice person.

"Right," you smile slightly, hiding your pink cheeks from him, but in turn getting blinded by the beams of light, "The sun's so bright."

Juyeon sighed beside you, "I should have told you to bring a hat."

You opened your mouth to reply, but you suddenly feel fabric encapsulating your head and the sun fade out behind the material of a cap- Juyeon's cap that he had taken off his own head and placed on yours.

"Oh, no, Juyeon. Keep the hat; the sun's gonna be in your eyes now," you moved to take it off, but he keeps his hand splayed on top of your head to prevent you from doing so.

"I'm taller than you, so the sun's hitting my face differently," he said to you sweetly.

You think he's lying, but if you've learned anything about Juyeon the past week, it's that he doesn't take no for an answer, "Thanks, Juyeon."

"You're welcome, Y/N-ie."

And if anybody noticed that you were wearing Juyeon's favourite cap when you arrived back to the house with a full spread of breakfast on the table, they certainly didn't say anything.

But when Jacob perched himself on the edge of your bed when you woke up from your post-breakfast nap, you knew you were in trouble from the mischievous yet apprehensive look on his face.

"What?" you groaned into the pillow that you smothered yourself with.

He waited for you to remove the pillow from your face before giving you a knowing look, "Kevin sent me."

"Why?"

"He's busy with Sunwoo and Hak," Jacob dismissed, "We want to know what's going on with you and Juyeon."

You sat up on the bed, looking at him incredulously, "What do you mean what's going on with me and Juyeon? Nothing."

Jacob frowned at what he thought was a blatant lie, "Don't think we haven't noticed you two have been spending a lot of time together recently. You two went out on a secret walk this morning alone."

"No one else was awake!" you protested, "None of you are morning people anyway!"

"You're not either, said Kevin," Jacob retorted.

"I'm trying to be," you huffed, "Besides, I've known the guy for one week. I'm not hiding a relationship from anyone."

"Yeah, but do you like him?" Jacob tacked on, "Kev wanted me to interrogate, so I am doing so."

"You're all so nosy," you murmured exasperatedly, "Juyeon is very nice; we're friends. Kevin would act this way no matter who I got close to."

"That might be true," Jacob nodded, "But I've never seen Juyeon act this way. He's normally pretty reserved when it comes to girls, but he's always approaching you first, looking out for you and considering you in things."

Your heart fluttered learning this new information about Juyeon, but you don't show it as you crossed your arms at Jacob with a disapproving glare, "Then take it up with Juyeon and not me."

"You know what'd be funny? To see if Juyeon will get jealous if anyone else gets close to you," Jacob tapped his chin in thought, "I've never, ever seen Juyeon jealous over a girl."

And as if the world was playing a hilarious, cruel prank on you, you heard Juyeon call your name as his feet padded up the stairs. He let out a sound of surprise when found your door ajar and Jacob sitting on your bed instead of his shared bed with Kevin.

Juyeon's eyes darted quickly between the two of you, with you still half-tucked under the sheets. His face kind-of hardened at the sight, but he quickly masked it with a half smile, "Hey, Y/N. I made you a smoothie to energise after our walk! Hi Cobie-hyung, what are you doing here?"

Jacob shot you a smug look, that you rolled your eyes subtly to, "I was just talking with Y/N. Is there something you need?"

Juyeon eyed him suspiciously, placing the cold glass on your side table. He didn't even reply when you thanked him, instead keeping an eye on Jacob, "Nah. Was it something private, though?"

"Hm, a bit," Jacob smirked. You were half a second away from shoving him off your bed for playing with Juyeon like this.

"Oh, okay. I'll go then. But we're about to go paddling in the lake so make sure you get ready soon," Juyeon backed down hesitantly and he turned his attention to you with a disarming smile, "You still have my hat, right, Y/N? Don't forget to bring that with you out. The sun's intense today."

As Juyeon left the room with the door wider than it was when he found it, Jacob rotated his body to you comically slow like he was in a movie.

"Shut it, Jacob."

He shook his head and released an angelic, teasing laugh, "That was next level, Y/N. I've never seen that man jealous let alone put on a territorial display!"

"Jacob!"

He put his hands up in surrender, "Fine, fine. I'm leaving too, but have a think, yeah? Don't want to let a guy as good as Juyo slip away."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

There were multiple boats scattered around the lake-side. There were 15 of you, so it wasn't an even split into pairs, but some of the boys were more confident to go by themselves.

As expected, Jiwon and Younghoon were pushed together to pair up and they strapped on life jackets first before clambering onto a rocky paddle boat at the end of a dock. Sangyeon and Hyunjae got their own boats, while Chanhee and Changmin shared one together. Minseo and Suyeon climbed on after, meanwhile Sunwoo and Haknyeon paired up. Eric, ever the brave, slid into a boat by himself, but let out a scream when it wobbled immediately. Thankfully, the activities staff was still holding the boat to keep it from tipping.

That left you, Jacob, Kevin and Juyeon to decide how to configure yourselves and you could see the Canadians' meddling from a mile away.

"Dibs on Jacob!" Kevin slung his arm around his friend and ran off towards the dock, leaving you speechless with Juyeon.

He gazed at you with shiny eyes, "Guess it's us again?"

"Ha. Us. Again," you enunciated dumbfounded at how obvious Kevin and Jacob were being.

Juyeon didn't seem to note any of this as he casually tugged on your arm in the direction of the boats, "Come on. Let's go."

You were the last ones to put on your life jackets and when you looked out at the lake, you could see your friends had already ventured far into the water. Juyeon stepped into the shaking boat first, taking a seat at the far edge.

When you looked nervous about climbing on, Juyeon held out his hand towards you, "Be careful," he said, nonchalantly.

You held your breath as you took his large hand. Your hands looked like a kid's in his large hold, but the way he wrapped his fingers around your own and made you feel secure had you less wary of getting onto the boat.

When you finally were able to sit across from him, you released the breath and the staff had unhooked you from the dock. Juyeon clapped for you in pride.

"I've always wanted to do this," you admitted to him, watching the water ripple around you.

He quirked an eyebrow at you and held the oars in your direction. He was the one currently manoeuvring the two of you further into the water, "Oh, do you wanna steer, then?"

You took the two pieces of wood from his grasp and grinned at him lopsidedly, "Can't promise we won't capsize though."

He smirked at you from across the boat, "I can swim. Can you?"

Your terrified look had him laughing in stitches as he teased you, "I guess I'll be the one saving you from your own disaster, then."

You kissed your teeth playfully at him as you tried to get into a rhythm with the oars. It was actually harder than you thought to move the boat in a smooth motion due to the drag of the water, but Juyeon just watched you in amusement as he leant back on the boat. You appreciated that he wasn't trying to take over the second he realised you weren't any good at this.

"Y/N-ie!" you heard a voice shout to your left. You looked over to find Eric's lone boat coming towards you at full steam. You watched as his face contorted into panic, realising that he didn't know how to slow down his boat.

Before it could crash into you, Juyeon reached over and held you down on the boat by your shoulders. When Eric made impact, you rocked in your seat, but less than Juyeon who swayed in his mid-standing crouching position. You stabilised him by holding onto his arms with yours.

Juyeon jumped back once he realised the crash was over, cheeks pink as he felt your touch on his bare skin. He settled back into his seat, looking unimpressed at his younger friend.

"Eric," he scowled at the sheepish boy, "Be careful. You could have tipped us over."

"Sorry," Eric pulled his lips into an apologetic pout, "I just wanted to say hi."

"It's okay, Eric. We're safe," you laughed off the incident as you brushed your hair back into place. You had passed over the oars to Juyeon at this point as you conversed with the guilty tanned boy, "Are you enjoying it?"

Eric nodded happily, "It's so much fun! I could do this all day."

Your heart melted at his enthusiasm. Eric was definitely giving you younger brother vibes through this trip with his puppy-like energy.

Juyeon swatted the oar in his direction, "Go bother someone else, Youngjae."

You glared at your boat-mate, "Juyo, that's not very nice."

"He almost killed us, Y/N," Juyeon exaggerated dramatically as he pushed the nose of Eric's boat away from yours.

Eric clicked his tongue and shook his head, laughing under his breath, "Alright, alright, I get it, hyung. Sorry for almost killing you."

You watched in disbelief as Eric paddled away at the speed of lightning, now looking like he was about to crash again into Minseo and Suyeon's boat. Turning back to your partner, you shook your head at him.

"What? That was dangerous," Juyeon whined at your glare, "Anyway, you called me Juyo."

Your hands flew up to your mouth as you burned red at the slip up, "Oh sorry! I never asked if I could call you that. I just heard Jacob call you it earlier."

Juyeon flashed you a boyish grin as he paddled your boat away from where everyone had seemed to congregate, pushing at each other's boats, "I don't mind. You can call me Juyo; I like it," then his face morphed with something unrecognisable for a second, "What were you and Jacob talking about?"

Your eyes narrowed into slits as you examined the boy in front of you. Where he was confident meeting your eyes earlier, he was now looking at everywhere other than you. It had you thinking whether there was some truth in Jacob's words, but you definitely didn't want to get your hopes up.

"Didn't he say it was a bit private?" you tried to say nonchalantly. Juyeon began to nod like he didn't care much at all, but you just laughed at him, "I'm kidding. We weren't talking about anything specific. I don't know why he said it was private."

"Oh, so you're not dating?"

You gasped at the accusation, "Me and Jacob? Why would you think that?"

Juyeon shrugged as he continued to row steadily, "You guys spend a lot of time together. He was teaching you to play the guitar last night."

Ah, Juyeon must have noticed Jacob instructing you on the patio after you expressed interest in learning to play. You had thought that he was inside making dinner with the girls, but he must have stepped out or seen you in the reflection of the glass door.

You smiled coyly, "We spend a lot of time together, but we're not dating are we?"

You don't know where this bravery came from- you weren't usually so teasing to anyone you spoke to. However, being with Juyeon showed you a new, more playful side to yourself that knew how to be a bit less uptight and closed off.

Juyeon pressed his lips into a thin line, "Right. We're not."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Halfway through the trip, Minseo had the idea to have a fancy dinner out one day in the nearest town. She wanted to get dressed up and get properly ready, since most of the activities you'd been doing thus far either involved the water or getting sweaty in the sun. Because this wasn't in your itinerary, you and the three girls took their car out to shop for new dresses, while the boys searched their luggage for something appropriate.

You deduced that they didn't have anything to wear either when you bumped into Sangyeon, Younghoon, Haknyeon and Eric midway through the shopping trip with bags and bags occupying their hands. They must have been sent out by the others to buy shirts and slacks. While buying new outfits could be considered excessive, the pieces were always recyclable and appropriate for the real world that the graduates were about to go into and the working adults were already partaking in. The dresses on the other hand, were not so transferrable, but you just hoped that you'd find an occasion to use it again in. You didn't feel too guilty considering the four of you only delved into thrift and second hand shops to find your outfits for the mid-scale restaurant that Minseo found.

You got ready in the girls' room, spending more time with them since being around the boys 24/7 got tiring sometimes. They had been very welcoming to you through the past week and a half despite being a tight-knit trio already. They were also all graduated and figuring out their lives, but welcomed you into their group regardless. You could definitely see yourself keeping in touch with them after the trip ended, even if you ended up in a random city far away.

There was always something nice about getting ready with a group of friends. Jiwon had curled the back of your head while she rambled on about how Younghoon was taking his sweet time making a move on her, meanwhile Suyeon was painting pink varnish on Minseo's right hand. The four of you took pictures after cleaning up the inevitably messy room and sat cross-legged on the bed as you sent them to each other.

"Juyeon's gonna die when he sees you," Suyeon smirked as she airdropped a set of photos she had taken from you.

"Why does everyone keep thinking me and Juyeon have something going on? We're just friends," you muttered, swiping through the images.

The room fell into silence and you looked up to three disbelieving faces. Minseo rolled her eyes at you, "Be serious, Y/N. Juyeon is smitten with you."

You pressed your lips together to contain a cheesing smile. Suyeon nodded in agreement, "Don't forget we're on the dance team so we know him quite well. We've never seen him with a girl like this."

"Maybe he just kept it separate from dance."

"Then he was not seeing anyone because he was dedicated to that shit 24/7," Jiwon told you, "Trust us. He likes you."

You looked on apprehensively, "Guys, we just met. It's been a week and a half."

Minseo flopped back on the bed in exasperation, "Have you never heard of love at first sight? I feel like it's pretty common that crushes develop quite quickly, especially if you're spending all day and night with someone."

"Think of Love Island," Jiwon offered, glaring at you when you stifled a laugh, "They're locked in a villa together 24/7 and by day 3 they're married with kids making out by the pool. You're basically doing better than them!"

You giggle at her analogy, appreciating the girls trying to justify the growing affection you've developed for the sleepy-eyes boy the past few days, "Maybe, but even still, I'm not the type to make the first move at all. I still want to give it time."

Suyeon nodded in understanding, "That's fair. Don't worry though, you'll know your answer by how he reacts to you tonight. You're a literal smoke show, babe."

You side-hug her in thanks and return the compliment. Minseo pushed herself off the bed as she checked the phone, "The guys have already left. We should get going too."

Downstairs, the four of you strapped on your sandals and did a sweep of the house to make sure everyone had left and you didn't accidentally leave anyone behind. Jiwoo recalled a time to you about how after one dance show that everyone either attended or participated in, they were sorting out transport after the show and each car thought that another car was taking Sunwoo home. It resulted in Sangyeon having to turn the car around once they realised at the restaurant that Sunwoo wasn't there and a grudge that Sunwoo held for months afterwards.

When you reached the restaurant in town after a small drive, the boys had already been sat down for a few minutes. The server led you to an area where they had joined 3 tables together to accompany your large group. You could see the spaces they left in the middle for the four of you.

"Y/N," a soft voice called out for you as you reached the table. Juyeon stood up from his spot and pulled a chair out, "Hope you don't mind sitting next to me."

The girls let out some sounds of amusement behind you as they took their seats. Jiwon slid in to the sit between yours and Younghoon. With your body aflame, you returned a gracious smile, "Not at all, Juyo."

After you had sat down and greeted the other boys, you opened up the menu to confirm what you wanted despite checking it earlier. Everyone's attention had turned away from you, so Juyeon took it as an opportunity to lean closer and bring his lips up to your ear, hidden from view by the menus.

"You look beautiful, by the way," he murmured shyly.

Fighting the urge to just scream in glee and giddiness, you chewed on your bottom lip. Juyeon's hair was styled differently today with some of his hair being pushed back and away from his forehead when day-to-day, his hair fell into his eyes. He was wearing a plain button up with the top buttons undone and he had sprayed on a perfume that was completely intoxicating.

"You don't look too bad yourself," you whispered to him, masking the way your heart was racing just at the sight of him.

Juyeon returned a triumphant smile and moved back to look at his own menu. From beside you, Jiwon was practically vibrating in her seat from excitement.

"He's just being nice," you mouthed to her. She rolled her eyes and turned back to her best friend slash longstanding crush.

You were never much of a drinker in college. Sure, you partook in your fair share of college parties and bar hopping nights, but you wouldn't say that you were an expert in the matter. Your tolerance was okay, but as the dinner progressed, it seemed like a better and better idea to keep ordering more wine.

By the end of it, all non-drivers on the table were verging on tipsy, all while Kevin, Sangyeon, Minseo and Jacob watched in amusement. There hadn't been any more heart-swooning moments from Juyeon through the dinner, but just being sat in close proximity to him made you feel safe and warm.

When it was time to head back to the lake house, Sangyeon had proposed the idea of ending the night with lighting the fire outside. You had utilized it a few times already, so there was a reserve of wood and flammable materials in the corner waiting to be used. It was a clear and still night with a slight breeze, so it was perfect to light it up.

Thankfully, Sangyeon and Jacob being sober worked out as they could start the fire together without harm. You definitely didn't trust the stumbling Eric or mumbling Haknyeon to do it themselves. Even Hyunjae looked a bit out of it.

The fire was roaring strong as you perched yourself on one of the benches surrounding it. Every so often, Sangyeon was throwing a log into the flames and fanning it to keep it going. It wasn't too cold in the night, but the fire provided a blanketing warmth. You were all still in your 'fancy' outfits and everyone was taking photos at different spots in the back yard. Jacob had fetched his guitar and was strumming random melodies while Sunwoo and Chanhee sang along beside him.

To your left, you heard a click of a camera.

"Lee Juyeon, will you stop taking photos of me?" you mused as you found him with the camera up to his eyes.

He smiled softly, "What's wrong with wanting to remember this moment? You look beautiful."

Your eyes fluttered shut as his words tugged at your lips, "Juyeon..."

Juyeon let out a hearty laugh as he put the camera down and scooted closer to you on the bench, thighs pressing against each other, "I'm being too obvious, aren't I?"

Everyone else was far away enough from you to be able to hear, so you were less fearful of being subject to teasings if they heard this conversation.

You thought that the wine was giving you a bit too much liquid courage, "Keep it up and I might believe what our friends are telling me."

Juyeon's breath hitched, "And what are they telling you?"

Eyes closed, you felt Juyeon press his side more purposely against yours, "I don't wanna say," you mumbled.

"Oh come on, don't I have the right to know if it concerns me?" Juyeon retorted back, "Please?"

A burst of courage pumped through your veins, "They're saying you might have a crush."

Juyeon was silent for so long that you were afraid that if you opened your eyes, he'd have disappeared. Still, you felt the warmth of his body radiating to you. Your head was heavy, lolling in front of you while Juyeon formulated his words.

You opened your eyes to a blazing fire as Juyeon chuckled lowly beside you, "I might."

Your voice indicated the surprise you felt at his indirect confession, "You might?"

"I might," he repeated. You could hear the smile in his voice, "Hard not to."

You avoid looking at him as you find a stick on the ground and start poking the fire, "You develop crushes that quick?"

"What can I say? I've always been a hopeless romantic," Juyeon mused, stretching out his arm behind you to be able to lean on them as he shuffled in his seat.

"That's not what I've heard," you recalled the conversations you've had with his friends.

Juyeon gasped, "How much have they been talking to you about me?"

You chuckled, "You're all they can ever talk about with me, if I'm being honest."

Juyeon grumbled under his breath, "I'm gonna kill all of them!"

You paused for a moment, suddenly frowning at the orange flames, "Is this just the wine talking, Juyeon?"

He snapped his head towards you so suddenly that you do the same and finally meet his eyes. The flames reflecting back in his eyes and on his face cast a golden glow on his skin, "What? No! They might have given me the courage to say these things but I'd never deceive you."

You dropped your voice to a whisper, "Do you mean it? That you might have a crush?"

Juyeon giggled at your words as he reached up to your face and tucked your hair behind your ear. Oh, he was surely a hopeless romantic.

"Definitely."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

When you woke up the next morning, your heart was already racing. It was the residual effects of the way Lee Juyeon made you feel the night before. While you couldn't talk much more after Kevin plopped down on the bench beside you causing you two to jump apart, you shared many knowing smiles throughout the night.

But it left more questions unanswered than answered. Despite that, you tried to push down the feelings of uncertainty to focus on the present.

Kevin and Jacob were already awake by the time that you emerged from under your sheets. They were both applying their skincare on the bed, a Youtube video playing on low volume near them.

"Morning sunshine," Kevin's voice was too teasing that you knew you were in for it, "How was your night with mister loverboy?"

"Kevin," you warned lowly, sending piercing glares in his direction. Jacob had stopped what he was doing to listen in.

"All I'm saying is that you two looked very comfy by the fire last night," he shrugged innocently, "Look, Juyeon's a great guy. Not sure why I didn't think to set him up with you, but you two go together well."

"Can't believe you thought Chanhee was a better option," Jacob snorted beside him. Kevin picked up his pillow and smacked his companion with it.

"Juyeon's great," you affirmed, "I just don't want to go too fast or anything since I don't even know where I'm gonna end up."

"Have you heard back from any of the jobs you've been applying for?" Kevin asked softly.

Every single day, at the end of the evening, you would open your laptop in bed and send applications for every new job listing you could find, even if they weren't related to your degree. Someone would have to take you, right?

You nodded slowly, "I have a few interviews in the city after we get back. I'm trying not to get my hopes up with any of them since I've done so many interviews this past year to no avail."

Kevin got up to your bed and gave you a squeeze, "You'll find something, okay? You're too good to let go of and all those companies were dumb to not have you."

"Thank you Kevin," you said sincerely.

"Now, get up! It's beach day!" Kevin yelped excitedly.

Although you were facing a very large lake, there was still something different about going to the beach, digging your toes in the sand and dipping into the ocean. The nearest nice beach was nearly an hour away, so you all agreed to try and get up and get ready early.

You took a lightning fast shower and packed your things into your bag. The boys had brought tents with them that you could use to get changed in once you got to the beach, so you just slipped on a sundress with sandals. You met the girls in their room and then planned to go down to Minseo's car. Although you rode over with Kevin, you were definitely enjoying the girls' presence and so moved yourself to their car by their insistence.

When you were at the top of the staircase, you felt an arm brush against yours and the weight of your tote bag disappearing as it was snatched out of your hand.

"Morning," Juyeon breathed, bringing his lips to the shell of your ear.

You jumped in your spot, clutching your chest in surprise, "Oh my God, Juyeon! You scared me! And I can take my bag."

Juyeon raced ahead a few steps to keep it out of your grasp, "It's no problem. Are you going in Minseo's car?"

"Mhm," you nodded as he opened the front door to find some of the other boys loading their things in. You waved good morning to each of them as you unlocked Minseo's car with the keys she entrusted to you. They were still packing their last bits.

Sangyeon bounded over from his car, eyeing you and Juyeon, "Hey, we only want to take 3 cars instead of 4 to the beach. We need another person in the girls' car."

Before Juyeon could open his mouth to volunteer, Younghoon had rushed over and stretched his arms over the both of you, wedging you apart, "And that's gonna be me. Sorry Juyo. Get Eric or Hak to switch with your girlfriend."

Both you and Juyeon let out a trapped, muffled sound of surprise at his comment and you kept your eyes down on the gravel to avoid showing everyone your flushed faces.

Younghoon's belly laugh echoed through the lake, "I'm just playing, guys. You should see your faces- ow! Juyeon!"

Juyeon smirked innocently, batting his eyelashes like he didn't just kick Younghoon in the shin. Sangyeon tutted like them like a disgruntled dad as he returned to his own car. Through his window, you could see Chanhee, Changmin and Sunwoo all already asleep in the back of the car while Hyunjae loaded heavy-looking coolers into the back.

Younghoon dashed inside, probably to help the girls with their items, leaving you and Juyeon looking at each other wide-eyes and shy.

"Sorry about him," Juyeon sheepishly said.

You waved him off with a dismissive hand, "Don't worry- I've got used to the teasing. How was your sleep?"

"I barely slept last night," he admitted, "I was overthinking. I wasn't too much last night, was I?"

You shook your head immediately, "No, no. Of course not. We didn't get to talk much last night, but honestly, you're good. We're on the same page, I think."

Juyeon fought the smile on his face, "We are?"

"Definitely," you echoed his words from the previous night with a teasing tone. You could practically see him folding into himself in shyness, but you just tugged at the hem of his shirt with a soft expression, "It's so early in the morning to be teased together by Jacob and Kevin if we go in the same car, so I'll just see you at the beach. Is that okay?"

Juyeon nodded affirmatively, "I agree. I'm just gonna pass out in the car anyway. Have a safe trip, pretty."

Your cheeks were permanently red around him, "You too, Juyeon."

When your car was finally on the road going at a constant speed, Minseo looked at you through the rearview mirror and sighed, "I've always wanted a summer romance."

You frowned slightly, "Do you think me and Juyeon will just be a summer thing?"

Minseo's mouth dropped agape as she rushed to collect herself, "No, no. I didn't mean that. I just meant I've always wanted to meet someone on vacation and make a relationship out of it. I think it's cute."

"Juyeon's not one for flings," Jiwon uttered beside you. She was squished in the middle seat between you and Younghoon, who was sleeping soundly with his head nested in her shoulder, "He's never had a girlfriend or a situationship through college. I don't know about high school, but I don't think Juyeon's the type to play around with girls."

"And he wears his heart on his sleeve. We've always been able to tell what he's feeling- if he's nervous, if he's mad or frustrated. He's such a sweet guy so we hope you can take care of him too," Suyeon added on from the passenger seat.

You nodded slowly at their heartfelt words, "I've realised that about him. He's very real."

"Did you guys confess to each other last night?" Minseo asked hesitantly, "You guys looked really close by the fire."

"Kevin said the same thing this morning," you chortled, "And kind-of, I guess? It was more of a half-confession."

"That's better than nothing," Suyeon hummed, "You guys should talk properly before we leave."

You agreed noiselessly as you thought about it. There was definitely something going on between you- that much was clear. You were a little nervous about it all after remembering what Chanee said to you about people developing feelings in close proximity, but you thought to yourself that that wasn't something to project onto yourself or onto Juyeon without proper deliberation.

You were also in close proximity with the other boys, but that didn't mean that you developed feelings for them either. You felt that you owed it to Juyeon who was brave enough to be so forward with his feelings to explore the relationship without prejudice.

Sure, it might get hard when you start working and living your lives again, but that was for future you who had experienced it to decide. You've let your fears stop you from many things in your life before, but whenever you're beside Juyeon, he makes you feel like you should throw out all those doubts and just enjoy the present moment with him.

You got so in your head during the car ride that you didn't even notice the car halting to a stop and the locks clicking open.

"We're here," Suyeon murmured softly, reaching from the front to gently shake Jiwon and Younghoon awake. She turned to you with an understanding look, "You okay, babe?"

"Yeah," you breathed out, "I'm just trying not to worry about it."

"Mhm," she smiled softly as Jiwon stretched awake beside you with a sleepy grunt.

The beach car park wasn't too far from the sand, so you all loaded your arms with the items from the trunk in order to set up camp for the day. It was blazing hot with the sun high up in the sky, so you were all sweating by the time you decided on a large enough spot on the beach. Thankfully, it wasn't too busy as it was a weekday, but there were still some people dotted around.

Jacob's car hadn't arrived yet since Kevin texted in the groupchat that they had to make a stop to let Eric go to the bathroom halfway through. Sangyeon's car was taking the coolers and the tents down to the beach and thankfully, the tents didn't require setting up other than anchoring them down in place with sandbags and everyone's belongings.

The group decided a few nights ago that you were going to do a barbecue on the beach after you swam for a bit, so Hyunjae and Younghoon were separating all the ingredients they had brought for that into a corner of the space. Sunwoo, Chanhee and Changmin had immediately ran away with a beach volleyball to play with away from the food.

You laid out a bunch of beach mats and picnic blankets, keeping them from blowing away by placing someone's bag on each of the corners. Suyeon and Jiwon were applying sunscreen on each other, having changed into their bikinis already, meanwhile you were waiting for Minseo to change in the second tent after you changed in the first one.

"I'm so hungry," Minseo grumbled as she dropped her bag of clothes on the mat and rummaged for the sunscreen.

"Me too, but we can't swim for a while if we eat," you reminded her. You had munched on a breakfast bar that Minseo kept stashed in her car at the start of the journey, but you had to wait to eat lunch or else going into the ocean wasn't a good idea. You don't actually know if that's a myth or not, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

She squeezed a dollop of cream into your hands that you lathered all over the areas you could reach and then turned your attention to each other to help get the spots missed. You let it seep into your skin first so it wouldn't get washed off as soon as you entered the ocean.

By the time you felt ready to go, Jacob's car had pulled up and you could hear them coming from a mile away thanks to the speaker in Eric's hand already booming music. They didn't have much in their cars, but you could see a donut inflatable around Juyeon's arms.

"Hi gorgeous," Juyeon smirked at you as he placed down the ring on the mat, "You look ready to jump into the sea."

"We've been waiting for a bit," you burrowed your toes into the golden, warm sand.

"Blame Eric. He didn't go to the bathroom before we left and then chugged a bottle of water," Juyeon rolled his eyes, "It's okay, I put on sun protection in the car."

You laughed at the visual that appeared suddenly in your head, "You guys were definitely rubbing sunscreen on each other's backs, right?"

He hid a guilty smile, "Maybe, maybe."

Mid-laugh, you were struck silent as Juyeon suddenly pulled his shirt off in one quick motion. The past week and a half that you'd been swimming in the pool, he'd been wearing a top. Sure when he was drenched, the fabric would cling to his skin and you could see the outline of his abs through them if you were looking (you definitely were not), but seeing him suddenly shirtless in front of you had your mouth gasping apart. The sun made his abs reflect golden honey and his muscly arms flexed as he pulled the shirt off.

Juyeon smirked at your reaction, "You're gonna catch flies, babe."

You snapped your mouth shut, scrunching your face in embarrassment as he chuckled at you. Trying to walk away from him, Juyeon just huffed and caught your bare waist with his large hands, pulling you back towards him, "Don't be shy, c'mere."

A passing Changmin gagged as he glared at you two, "Oh I'm gonna be sick. Get a room."

Chanhee, who was walking by his side and practically attached to his hip, huffed along, "They make me feel so single. It's so gross."

"Fuck off," Juyeon smiled innocently at his friends, who flipped him off without even sparing a glance at the two of you. He turned his attention back to you, "Sorry, is this too much?"

The sliver of skin he was touching was burning under his fingers, but you pushed down your usual reservedness, "I feel like exploding, but no, it's okay."

He bit at his plump lips, "You're so cute. Let's go swim?"

"I don't know if swim is the right word. I told you I can't swim. Maybe waddle is better," you reminded him at your inability.

Juyeon ahh'ed and picked up the inflatable, "Use this, then. Or hold onto me, yeah? I won't let you drown, promise."

He held up his pinky finger at you, which you wrapped your own around. But instead of breaking apart, Juyeon used it to tug at you towards the ocean. He started breaking out into a jog, catching you off guard, and you picked up your pace to run beside him.

When you reached the ocean, you were struggling to catch your breath from both laughing so hard and the sudden exercise he made you do. Thankfully, the sea was warm under the sun, so it wasn't an added shock to the system.

Juyeon helped slide the ring over your body so that you were in the middle of the donut hole and you paddled deeper into the ocean where your feet couldn't touch anymore. A few metres away from you, Haknyeon and Sunwoo were splashing at each other.

"This is nice, I like this," you told Juyeon happily, "I was kinda scared to go into the ocean."

Juyeon placed his hand on the ring, "Don't worry, I got you. Let's go a bit deeper, yeah?"

You let him push you along a bit further since his feet were still touching the sand at the bottom and when the water came up to his shoulders, he stopped and let you paddle around him in the donut. He watched in amusement as you giggled to yourself happily.

"So adorable," he murmured. After a few minutes, when he realised that there was no one near the two of you for a considerable distance, he reached his arm out to half your floatie.

"Mhm?" you quirked an eyebrow at him as he pulled you in closer.

"Do you trust me?" Juyeon began, eyes shining with mischief.

Your eyes widened as you gripped the float tight to your body, "Oh no. What is it?"

Juyeon chuckled and reached for your waist under the water. He tugged at you, but the float kept your bodies at a distance.

"Wrap your legs around me. I'm gonna take the float off you," he proposed slowly, watching your reaction.

"Juyeon," you drawled in fear, holding on even tighter.

"I won't let you drown, come on," he encouraged, "I'm still touching the ground."

Reluctantly, you moved your body as close as you could to him. The minute he felt your legs close around his torso, he flicked the float off over your head and pulled you in flush with his toned arms. Disregarded, the donut moved steadily with the waves.

"I told you," he murmured. You had got a bit surprised from the way he pulled you tight to his body, instinctively tucking your head into his neck and squealing. Juyeon rubbed at your back with his palm to reassure you.

This was definitely the closest that you'd been to Juyeon at all- actually, it was a major step up altogether. You think that you half-confessions you'd shared with each other had given him all the confidence and courage all at once.

"Is this okay?" Juyeon asked quietly as both of your hearts thumped against your chests strongly.

He had asked you that so much, just showing how much of a gentleman he truly was, never wanting to go further than you were comfortable with.

"Yeah," you hummed softly, pulling your head back to look at him. A gentle smile rested on his features as he gazed at you. Your back was turned away from the shore, "Are they looking?"

Juyeon craned his head around you and stifled a laugh, "They're trying to act like they're not. Do you care?"

You thought about it for a moment. To be honest, they all already knew; they were the ones pushing you together at every moment. You shook your head, "No."

Juyeon grinned, moving the hair that had floated to your face behind your ear. Your hands were preoccupied hanging on for dear life around his neck, so he took it as his obligation to help, "You're so beautiful, Y/N."

A lot of guys had told you that, especially on the blind dates you've been on. Whenever they said it, it never felt real and always just felt like they were saying it to get in your pants or as a gateway for you to owe them something. When Juyeon says it to you, his words drip with sincerity.

"Thank you," you mumbled shyly, moving your head back into his neck.

Your torsos were pressed against each other, so you could feel the rumble and vibration of his body as he laughed at your reaction. You tried to unbury yourself away from him, but his hand crept up to the back of your neck and kept you there, sending shivers down your spine. Your body shook in anticipation as the silence hung thick in the air.

"I'm just gonna say it," he breathed out shakily, "I really do like you, Y/N. I know we've only known each other 2 weeks, but I've really enjoyed spending time with you. You honestly have made me feel things I haven't before and I get excited to see you every morning. That's so cheesy, I know. If you do like me back, I don't want to ask you to be my girlfriend yet, but would you be down to keep getting to know each other and going on dates after this and seeing where it takes us?"

You're not sure if he kept your face buried into his skin for your benefit or his, since his voice was shaking as he spoke. You smiled into his neck, whispering confidently, "I like you too, Juyeon. Isn't it obvious?"

"Maybe, but I like that. I don't like playing games," Juyeon released his hold on the back of your neck and moved his arm back to your waist to keep you pressed against him.

"You've only been out of college a few weeks, how are you so mature already?" you playfully teased as you peered up at him.

Rolling he eyes, he squeezed at your waist, "I've always been mature. It's a shame we didn't meet earlier; now I feel like they were gate keeping you away from me."

"You were one of the last ones I had yet to meet," you revealed, "I had met everyone briefly other than you, the girls, Eric and Hak."

He bumped your forehead with his, "Best for last, right?"

"Definitely," you grinned.

"Okay, I dragged you out just to tell you all this, to be honest. Let's go back to everyone before I lose control and kiss you or something," Juyeon suddenly blurted, taking a few steps back to the shore with you still wrapped around him.

A surge of confidence had you squeezing your legs around him to stop him, "Who's stopping you?"

Juyeon's eyes widened in surprise as he chewed at his lip. Reluctantly, he dropped his voice and leaned in closer to you, "Are you sure?" His hot breath fanned over your lips.

He'd practically made all the first moves up until this point and you could see the honesty in his eyes. You figured you'd save him the trouble as you reached forward and pressed your lips against his.

He tasted a bit salty from when he had splashed the ocean water over his face and a bit like the orange Fanta he was drinking earlier when he got out of the car. Juyeon yelped in shock against your lips, but smiled into them as he applied more pressure and properly slotted his lips between yours.

You hadn't planned on actually making out with him in the middle of the ocean as your friends watched on in astonishment, but he captured your lips every time you pulled away slightly and licked at your bottom lip with his tongue. Your hold around his neck grew stronger as his grip on your waist grew tighter.

"Juyeon," you whispered against him when you came up for air.

"Don't blame me, this is your doing," he uttered each word between deep kisses. He wasn't kidding, he felt like he had lost control when it came to you and he couldn't bring himself to pull away from you. The gentle tide was bobbing the two of you up and down, but he kept his hold tight as he kept your lips attached and slotted his tongue into your mouth.

You indulged in him, deepening the kiss even more, "I'm really glad I met you, Juyeon," you panted.

This was enough to pull him away from you, keeping your foreheads pressed together, "Me too, Y/N. Me too."

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

So you didn't hear the end of it from your friends during the rest of the beach day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. It wasn't like you'd planned the impromptu make out session to be witnessed by 13 pairs of eyes, but honestly it's their fault for not looking away.

Juyeon also didn't hear the end of it from Sunwoo for letting his inflatable donut float away too far out of reach to retrieve. The younger boy forced him to send more money than it actually cost as compensation, but Juyeon believed it was totally worth it.

It was your final full day at the lake house and you haven't been able to peel Juyeon away from you for more than a couple minutes. In full honesty, you'd always wanted a boyfriend that clung to your side and kept you warm, safe and protected and he was definitely checking off all those boxes.

"Disgusting," Hak scoffed as he passed behind you on the couch. You were sitting sideways in Juyeon's lap, scrolling on your phone as he played against Hyunjae on a game you had never heard of. The competitor was sat far away from the two of you on a different couch across the living room.

"It's not my fault you're single," Juyeon clapped back without missing a beat.

Haknyeon groaned and ran away faster to the back yard. You'd already spent the morning outside- Juyeon had been making good on his promise to improve your table tennis skills this whole trip, but you definitely wouldn't consider yourself a ping pong goddess yet. Thankfully, there wasn't a time limit anymore for him to keep helping you improve.

In between rounds, Juyeon would pat your head and stroke your hair softly. You would turn to him and give a soft smile that he would return before Hyunjae loaded up the next game. You were just going through your emails, blocking out in your calendar all the interviews you had amassed from your applications over the three weeks. You were feeling more optimistic about returning to the world, even more so with new relationships and friendships making your life more exciting. You were also excited to see your college friends again; they were sulky about missing out seeing you become smitten with a man, but their teasing was never-ending anyway.

"Baby you can go join the others if you're bored," Juyeon murmured lowly as he kept his eyes on the flat screen TV. He was aggressively mashing the buttons on the controller and you actually had no idea if he knew what he was doing.

"I'm fine here," you assured him.

One thing that had changed since Juyeon confessed to you was the development of pet names. Juyeon adored calling you every pet name under the sun, no matter how shy or blushing they made you. Another thing was his clinginess; Juyeon barely touched you at all before you two bared your feelings and you had no idea how he kept that side of him under wraps. He was lucky that you indulged in each and every one of his quirks.

When Juyeon was by your side, he was either holding your hand, playing with your fingers or wrapping his entire, huge body around you. He was so much taller than you that he practically swamped you, but it made you feel so giddy. Now you knew the exact meaning of the honeymoon phase.

He showed you his affection previously through acts of service and he hasn't slowed down in that department since. In only a few days, he had committed himself to making you a morning beverage as soon as you woke up and making sure that you were warm when the nights became cooler or shaded when the sun was too hot. Sure, he may have a patch of sunburn on his back, but as long as you didn't, he was a-okay.

"You're quieter today. Are you sure everything's okay?" Juyeon hummed. Hyunjae was too busy screaming at the TV to hear anything you two were saying.

"I dunno. I'm excited to go back and explore us, but at the same time, I really, really don't want to leave," you squeezed your eyes shut with a deep breath, "I don't want anything to ruin what we have."

Juyeon's eyebrows pulled together in concern, but he dropped a comforting kiss on your shoulder to comfort you, "It might be different, which I know is scary, but that's the exciting part. It might be even better than this! We'll always have this summer together, but just give us a chance out there, yeah?"

"Of course, Juyo," you flopped your head into his chest and nuzzled yourself into his shirt, "I don't have any doubts about us, I promise. It's just that everything is so new."

"It's gonna be great, baby. I'm already planning all the dates I wanna take you on and all the things I wanna show you and everywhere I wanna eat with you and-"

Hyunjae let out a yelp of frustration as he lost the battle. You don't know how Juyeon was winning despite him rambling adorably to you.

Your lips curled into a smile at his blabbing and you cut him off by pressing your lips into his jawline. Juyeon mirrored your expression and craned his head to connect your lips together. Juyeon was definitely insatiable when it came to kissing.

"I thought the pining was bad, but this is much, much, much, much worse," Hyunjae cried out, throwing his controller on the seat beside him, "Do you two have no shame? Y/N, you were so shy in the beginning."

Your head was buried into Juyeon's neck as he wrapped his arms around you, game abandoned. Feet padded loudly on the hardwood floors as Kevin's voice sounded out, "Oh, she's only shy at first. Y/N is actually a menace."

"This is all kind of your doing, Kevin," you gestured to you and Juyeon.

Kevin bounded over and leaned down to squeeze the two of you in his arms, "And that's why I expect your first baby to be named after me! Kevin or Hyungseo, I'm not picky."

Juyeon scoffed at him and shoved him away, "Shut up, you didn't do anything. Don't give him credit, Y/N."

"You know I had to beg Y/N for three months straight to come, right?" Kevin deadpanned, "I definitely deserve thanks."

"Well it's definitely no thanks to you that I only met her now when you've known her for a year and a half!" Juyeon retorted passionately.

Kevin plopped down on the couch beside Juyeon, shoving away your feet that were perched up on them, "We had to physically drag you out of the dance studio if we wanted to hang out with you. You genuinely had a visceral reaction to the thought of leaving that basement."

Juyeon had been showing you videos of his choreographies the past few days and while he was incredibly innately talented, you also could see how much work he put into his craft. You were definitely very, very attracted to that side of him, not only for his talent but also for his dedication and persevering nature. He promised to teach you a few things about dance, but you told him not to get his hopes up in that department.

Juyeon couldn't argue with that one, so he just nuzzled his head into your body. You squealed at how adorable he was being, while the other boys around you audibly cringed in unison.

"Is it too late to back out of our tenancy agreement?" Changmin sighed, also taking a seat on the adjacent couch. Juyeon just threw a pillow at him that he caught and popped on his lap.

Both Juyeon and Changmin were employed by the dance studio to start after graduation. Since they'd been house mates for a couple of years already, it just made sense to continue living together at a place closer to the studio. Another reason why you'd never met Juyeon was that out of the batch of guys in your graduating class, only Kevin lived apart from them off-campus. Chanhee was left behind from the roommate situation after Juyeon and Changmin found a new place, but he quickly weaselled his way into convincing the incoming seniors Sunwoo, Haknyeon and Eric to live with him in a 4 bedroom house since he got a job at the university.

"Where are you gonna live by the way, Y/N?" Kevin asked curiously.

"My childhood home isn't that far, so I'll probably stay at home for a bit until I figure out everything. I'll probably get a place in town as soon as I can," you manifested to yourself, "I'm trying not to worry about it."

Juyeon gently ran his fingers through your hair, "Yeah, don't worry about it."

"You can sleep on mine and Jacob's couch if you ever need. We're gonna get a pull-out," Kevin grinned. He was giving up his solo, roommate-less life to move in with his fellow Canadian.

Juyeon gasped dramatically and trapped you in his arms, "No way is she sleeping on your couch! What if Cobie-hyung tries to steal her from me?"

Kevin reached over the couch and slapped Juyeon around the head playfully, "Stop being jealous that Y/N and Jacob went on a date before she even knew you existed."

You giggled at his pout and leaned into his hold, "Jacob has no chance against you."

A pained sound came from the direction of the back door, "Y/N! You wound me!"

"Why are you all just suddenly appearing when you're mentioned in the conversation?" you cried out exasperatedly as Jacob passed by the living room. He sent you a teasing wink, which Juyeon belatedly blocked by placing his hand in front of your face. You swatted at his hand, but he in turn just gripped your fingers in his hold.

Eventually, everyone congregated in the living room one by one. It was your last night together, so you all decided to just collate a bunch of food in the middle of the living room, put on some music and drink if you wanted to. Juyeon had volunteered to drive Kevin's car home since Kevin had a whole bottle of whiskey he was dying to finish, so you decided to stay sober with him so you could stay up on the drive without the effects of a hangover.

In the kitchen, you, Juyeon and Chanhee had prepared a bunch of snacks, ramen, meat and other food, meanwhile everyone dragged their pillows and duvets downstairs. You don't know if one big sleepover on the couches and hardwood floors was good for your bodies the night before a long drive home, but it seemed like the best idea at the moment.

It was amusing to watch everyone get drunk and recount their favourite memories from the trip, such as finally succeeding in ambushing Sunwoo to throw him in the pool. One of your own personal favourites was finally being consistently on the winning team of chicken fight in the pool once you convinced Juyeon to partner up with you. You deduced that Kevin was the problem in the pair.

When the night was dwindling down and everyone began to transition into a sleepy state, you changed the music to a calm Disney film that you could leave running in the background. Eric and Sunwoo were the first to knock out, snoring on one of the mattress they had hauled from their rooms. Two mattresses and a knocked out Hyunjae, Sangyeon, Minseo and Suyeon away, you were tucked under Juyeon's comforter and cuddling against his body. He had one arm under your head and the other draped over the top of you, his fingertips ghosting on your back. You were facing him, chin tilted up as you peppered silent kisses along the bottom half of his face and his neck.

"Are you sure you don't mind falling asleep next to me? I can move if you want," Juyeon mumbled sleepily, his eyelids heavy and closing involuntarily no matter how much he fought. Even in this state, he still put you and your comfort first.

"Thanks, Juyo. This is perfect, I promise," you cooed into his skin, "Let's go to sleep, yeah?"

"Mhm, goodnight my love," Juyeon's breathing eventually slowed down and became more steady as his heartbeat did the same. You matched his breathing and it wasn't long before you fell into dreamland with him, "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, my Juyeon."

You never could have expected or anticipated just how much this trip that Kevin had pestered you to go on would change your life. Maybe your story with Juyeon was a whirlwind romance, but it was still just the start. You never could have foreseen the way the sweet boy with the cat-like sleepy eyes could unpick your heart and nestle himself in there. You never would have guessed you would find comfort and solace in someone like Lee Juyeon at such an uncertain time of your life.

And when he dropped you off at the doorstep of your parents' house at the end of the trip (it was definitely way too early for him to come inside), the searing kiss he left on your lips and the promise to see you the next day made you feel like meeting Lee Juyeon was your serendipitous fate - an accidental discovery, a happenstance you stumbled upon, but one that was inevitable in every way.

a/n: thank you thank you thank you for reading. find my masterlist here & all likes, comments, reblogs and feedback are so, so appreciated <3

[sweeterthanficstion]

— coast2coast (pt. one) || l.s.k

pairing: life guard!leon kennedy x surfer!fem!reader

tags: surfing au! set in malibu, 1998, i wrote this with re2 leon in mind but re4 leon works too, featuring claire (and chris in later parts!), UNEDITED!! so far only fluff (unheard of...) i'll add as i go!

oh actually, my shitty attempt at knowing anything about surfing despite learning everything through youtube, google and malibu rising by taylor jenkins reid (what started this whole thing). i am NAWT a pro --- so if any of you guys actually know a thing or two abt surfing hit me up!!! i'd love to learn more!

summary: Summer is a fickle thing, sticky-sweet and fleeting, gone before you're ready. You've learnt to love it while it lasts. For you, every summer has been the same—surf, sand, salt-water tides and the hot Malibu breeze. But this summer brings a new sort of challenge, a spotlight your not so sure you're ready for, as well as a boy with golden hair, eyes as blue as the waves, and a way of making your heart rattle between your ribs like it’s desperate to break free.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: AHH HI! i'm so excited to post this one!! it's currently summer here in australia and i've been down at the beach nearly every weekend, so it was only inevitable that my fixation on surfer!leon came back full force. i have this big story all set up in my head, but i was too excited to wait to finish writing it so i'm posting it in parts!! ++ oh also i had no idea corral beach was an actual place in malibu so my version is fictionalised. just. take everything in this fic with a grain of salt i have no idea what im doing lol

i also thought it'd be really fun idea since i'm so busy nowadays, that if you guys are interested at all, you can send in little ideas for blurbs for surfer!leon, and i'd love to write them! i'll figure out ways to fit them into the story, just as little extras, but obviously no promises on writing all of them!! i'll likely just pick the ones i think fit best into the plot. i just think that'd be AWESOME!! <3

playlist⭑masterlist⭑AO3 ⭑ series masterlist⭑next part (coming soon)

California is exactly how you’d left it. Exactly how you remember it. Nothing has changed between the sand beneath your toes and the palm trees lining the scorching hot tar roads, their shadows stretching long and thin like sleepy cats in the afternoon sun. The salt-kissed air wraps around you, sticky and warm, a gentle reminder that time moves slower here. Or maybe it doesn’t move at all. 

That’s the thing about California. A time capsule—sun, sand and sky.

June, July, August, Summer melts in your mouth like a sticky popsicle, one into the next, so quick you forget what it tastes like before it’s even passed.

No matter where you are in the world, what waves you're chasing, whether it be in Oceania, the Pacific, the Atlantic, summer melts, fickle and eager.

You’ve learnt to love it while it lasts.

“Another fish and chips!” One of the waitress staff calls from the front—Bunny’s Seafood Diner has been around for as long as you can remember, a weathered little gem perched off the coast of Corral Beach, Malibu. A quick and convenient right turn off the PCH, it’s a lighthouse for road-tripping families and sunburned surfers chasing their next ride.

You flip the fryer around your wrist with a practised flourish, “On it!” You call back, before you dip the metal back in the bubbling oil, the familiar sizzle of golden fries accompanying the bustle of the late afternoon rush. The kitchen smells of salt and grease and the faint tang of fresh-caught fish, a scent so familiar it clings to your skin like a second layer.

Claire breezes past with lazy grace, bumping her hip against yours. “Heading to the surf after?” she asks, her grin as wide as the beach outside, like her mouth was made for holding sweet oranges on hot summer days. She’s balancing a seafood basket in one hand and a plate of fries in the other, weaving through the bustle with the ease of someone who’s done it a thousand times before.

“How’s the forecast looking?” You ask back instead, tossing the crispy fries into a basket lined with deli paper. 

“High tide in twenty,” Claire winks over her shoulder at you, side-stepping a counter corner like it’s second nature. “It’s gonna be perfect.”

You can’t deny that does sound perfect. After a shift as long as the one you’ve worked today, a surf might be all you need to feel alive again. You look back up at the foggy old clock on the wall—ten minutes left, five if you can sweet-talk your manager. You end up counting the minutes in your head, that familiar itch to feel the sand under your feet and the sun on your skin insatiable. 

By the time the clock hits four, you’re halfway out the door, ready to trade the smell of fried seafood for the briny tang of the ocean instead. Claire is hot on your heels, boards tucked under both your arms as she chases you across the tar road that burns under your bare feet, down the splintering boardwalk, and onto the powdered-sugar sands of Corral Beach.

The sun has already dipped far past it’s zenith, and the world feels washed in gold. Golden rays stretch out across shimmering waters, painting streaks of honey over the horizon, the heat settling into a balmy hum that sticks to your skin in a way you can only love.

You follow the shaded path of sycamore trees until the beach opens up to surfer’s paradise—a long stretch of sand, waves that swell and crash, aching to be carved into by hungry surfers. The path curves past a weathered wooden bulletin board, been there as long as you can remember, and you think it might be older than Bunny’s, if that’s even possible. 

“Wait!” Claire stops in her tracks, and you are helpless but to comply. Your eyes stay glued longingly to the beach while Claire’s squint at the array of flyers pinned up—some faded, some fresh. There’s a yoga class, a missing dog poster, and the usual surf report stapled to the corner, its ink smudged from damp fingers. But her eyes zero in on something bright and bold and new. 

“Here we go.” She plucks a flyer off the board, turning it toward you like she’s struck gold. The words Corral Beach Annual Surf Comp are printed in big, blocky letters, accompanied by a grainy photo of a surfer carving into a wave.

“Oh, no,” you groan, already shaking your head.

“Oh, yes,” Claire says, a grin spreading across her face.

Claire’s been singing the same song since you were fifteen and cutting through waves better than most kids your age here on Corral Beach. That you should be out there winning trophies and medals and 10k cheques instead of cleaning out the back of the greasy old fryer’s in Bunny’s. 

“C’mon, you have to do it!” She bugs on, waving the flyer around like some magic wand. 

You laugh, ducking under her arm as she tries to push it into your face. “Claire, come on.”

“I’m serious!” she insists, jogging to catch up with you as you head toward the water. “You’re out here every day. You’ve got the moves, the skill—everything they’re looking for.”

It’s not like you haven’t thought about it. You’ve been surfing since before you could walk. You’d grown up right here on Corral Beach, knew these waves better than yourself. You’d watched your parents chase waves like it was their religion—Bali, Costa Rica, Australia, it was their entire life. Something they loved that was inevitable for you to love too. 

“I’m just not the competition type,” you shrug, gaze drifting out to the waves curling in the distance. It’s not that you don’t want to—well, okay, maybe it is. The idea of standing out there, under the scrutiny of judges, crowds, and strangers, feels about as foreign as the first time you stepped onto a board. Surfing, to you, is about as religious as it is to your parents. An outlet, an art form, the ocean calms your restless soul when you need it most. Putting a score to something like that just doesn’t feel right.

“You’re one of the best surfers out here.” Claire presses, she does it so effortlessly. Poking and prodding, always enough but never so much as to push you over the edge. “Half the people in those comps are just there for a shot at a new wetsuit.”

You meet Claire’s gaze, hesitate, the memory of your dad paddling out at dawn or your mom teaching you how to duck dive flickering in your mind. “It’s not about that. My parents taught me how to surf before they taught me how to say mom and dad. They’d enter comps now and then, but it was never about winning. It was about the waves, the adventure.”

“And you don’t think that’s in you too?” Claire asks, raising an eyebrow as she shields her eyes against the sun.

“Maybe it is,” you say finally. “But that’s their story, not mine.”

Claire’s gaze softens for all of a second before she snorts, shoving your shoulder with her own. “You’re so full of it. You’ve got more talent in your pinky than most people out there. Just think about it, okay? It could be fun.”

You do nothing of the sort.

The second your feet are in the water, you forget all about the comp, all about your job and any other worries on your mind. Salt water seems to have that sort of effect on you. Wasting no time, both you and Claire paddle past the surf, straddling your boards in the ocean, watching as the other surfers before you take off one by one with each new wave that rolls in.

It doesn't take long before the first wave in a gorgeous set comes in, Claire’s all but primed for it. She takes off, gets into position, and pops up on her board, carving into it like it’s breathing. You follow suit as the next one comes in, and just like that, you fall into the rhythm of the ocean.

Wave after wave, you don’t stop until the sun is cotton candy pink, purple, gold. Most of the other surfers have dispersed by now, and Claire’s traded shredding the bigger waves for wading through the calm waters with her back pressed against the flat of her board. 

You, on the other hand, feel like fate is decidedly on your side. You watch as another set rolls in, the first crashing just out of reach. It peels exactly as you’d hoped, slowly to the right, so when the next one rolls in right after, you paddle with it, catch the feeling of the tide underneath you, and like it's simply second nature, get to your feet.

This is where you feel most alive. There is not a second to spare for the other noise in your head, not about the past nor the future nor anything in between other than right here and now. Nothing but the instinctual insistence of how much longer can you stay on? How much longer can you keep your balance? Lean left, right, forward. Better, longer, more, more, more.

And when you’ve finally completed your balancing act, you dance up to the nose, hovering there on the tip of your board, arms out to steady yourself like sails catching wind, and then you close your eyes and let the crash of the wave topple you off.

It’s only once you’ve resurfaced, board nowhere to be seen, that you realise you didn’t feel the familiar tug of the leash around your ankle. By the time you drag yourself to shore, breath heavy and hair clinging to your face, you see it—the measly cord trailing behind you, frayed and snapped clean.

You huff a sigh, not surprised. It had been old crap for a while now. So had the board, but it carried enough summers in its scars to mean something. A history you weren’t quite ready to part with.

Claire’s already gathering her things by the time you meet her on the sand, shaking out her towel and tossing it into her worn tote bag.

“What happened to your board?” she asks, her tone casual, but her raised brow suggests she’s caught the fraying leash.

You lift your ankle and let the cord dangle, the sad state of it all the explanation she needs.

She winces, offering you a sympathetic smile. “Ouch. Guess it’s finally time for a new one?”

It’s only when you’re halfway up the beach that you spot it again. Your board? Your board!

It’s leaning lazily against the base of a lifeguard tower, looking as though it had simply wandered off and decided to wait for you all this while. Relief blooms in your chest, and you call to Claire that you’ll catch up.

It’s only when you’re closer that you notice him.

He’s standing by the lifeguard tower, a red rescue can slung casually over his shoulder. Blonde hair catches the light, tousled and damp like he’s been in the water himself. His broad shoulders are framed by the white-and-red uniform shirt that looks a little too crisp for someone who spends their day in the sun.

You can tell he’s new. There’s a hesitation in the way he stands, like he’s trying to look comfortable in a place he hasn’t quite claimed yet. But there’s something magnetic about him, the way he surveys the beach with quiet curiosity, like he’s soaking in every detail.

And you don’t mean to stare, but you’re caught in the moment, the way he looks like he belongs there despite it all, carved from the same sun and salt as the beach itself.

You’re still staring when his eyes meet yours.

They’re blue, impossibly so, the kind of blue that reminds you of the water when it’s so clear you can see straight to the bottom, the kind of blue you could fall into and forget how to breathe. His mouth quirks into a smile—easy, natural, like he’s been doing it all his life.

For a heartbeat, the world shifts, tilts ever so slightly, like the two of you are caught in some half-remembered dream. Something stirs in your chest, familiar yet unnameable, like déjà vu soaked in sunlight. You freeze, caught like a fish on a line, just before his eyes crinkle at the corners, and he lifts a hand in a casual wave.

“Hey,” he calls out, his voice carries over the sound of the waves, warm and low, and you think there’s a hint of the coast in it—just not this one.

You blink, salt-sticky and sun-drunk, realizing belatedly that you’re still rooted to the spot. “Hey,” you manage, shifting your weight on your feet.

He doesn’t move, but his attention is all yours now, quiet and steady, as though nothing else on the beach exists, like you’re the most interesting thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

“Nice ride out there,” he says, nodding toward the water, his voice dipped in easy admiration. “That last wave—you made it look easy.”

A laugh bubbles out of you, unplanned but genuine, a flush to your cheeks at the notion of being watched and noticed. You hope he mistakes it for sunburn. “Easy? You sure you weren’t watching someone else?”

“Nope,” he says, the smile widening just a fraction. “Definitely you. The board gave it away.” He says, nodding towards the board that’s still propped against the lifeguard tower like a loyal dog.

“Ah,” you say, realising. “So it was you.”

He shrugs, sweet and boyish in his sincerity. “Figured it deserved better than drifting out to sea.”

You glance down at your battered shortboard, the paint long faded from years of sun and surf. The edges are chipped, and the wax is uneven, but it feels like a part of you. “Thanks,” you say, meaning it. “Guess I owe you one.”

And before you can really think it through, the words escape you all at once. “You surf?”

“Not like that,” he hums, tilting his head toward the waves. Not like you. “Still trying to figure out how to make it look as easy.”

“That’s how it starts,” you say, a grin pulling at your lips despite yourself. “You’ll get there.”

He shrugs, a bit sheepish. “We’ll see. I’m mostly here for this,” he hefts the rescue can with a crooked smile. “Started lifeguard training last week. Figured I’d better get to know the locals.”

“Locals, huh?” You arch a brow, a subtle quirk to your lips. “And I’m one of those?”

“Definitely,” he grins, his voice sure now, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’ve got that look.”

“What look?”

“Like this is where you belong.”

The words hang in the air, sweet and sticky like the heat of the day. For a moment, you don’t know what to say.

“Well,” you manage, recovering with a nod toward the tower. “Welcome to Corral Beach. Try not to let it chew you up and spit you out.”

He laughs then, and it’s warm, golden—like sunlight filtering through the trees. “I’ll do my best.”

He steps back, making space for you to collect your board, though his gaze lingers, like he’s reluctant to go but knows he should. 

“See you around?” he asks, the question carrying a hopeful edge.

“Maybe,” you say, the word feeling light and easy as you turn toward the parking lot.

You don’t look back, but you feel his eyes linger, and it leaves a quiet sort of thrill in your chest, like the first rush of catching a wave.

likes n reblogs r very much appreciated <3

[dragonfly0808]

Katniss as an almost Covey

So I’m re-reading the Hunger Games before reading Sunrise on the Reaping and I’m currently re-reading TBOSAS and since Mockingjay I was struck by the idea of like-

What if Katniss aside from hunting also sang for a living? What if her dad left behind some guitar or smth and she almost accidentally started performing to make some extra money?

I also really wanted to write a ‘it would’ve happened anyway’ style Everlark fic and so I just kinda wrote smth and I have ideas for a few other chapters and so- Here goes!

I’ll prob post this on AO3 later on

(I know there are plot holes about where the clothes came from but sssshhhhhhhhhh)

***

Katniss would’ve never thought in a million years that she might make more money out of her voice than her hunting game.

The whole thing started by accident. She’d been hanging out with Madge, who’d recently started inviting her over and they tended to do their homework in her bedroom, Katniss taking the desk and Madge the bed.

On one said day, it’d gotten late as Madge gently asked about the woods, going silent as they often did to finish up their homework. It’d been so peaceful and the view of the sunset from the window had unlocked something in Katniss and, believing Madge was slowly dozing off, she’d started humming and then she’d sung for a bit.

Katniss had gotten through two songs as she finished her last assignment before realizing Madge had been watching her, instantly gushing about how she hadn’t known she had a beautiful voice and a soothing tone, Katniss tried to dismiss it but Madge had said she should perform for a pay, betting there were people willing to pay her to sing.

The idea had seemed ridiculous to her, that anyone in Twelve would be willing to pay for something as unnecessary as a song.

Then the following day Madge had told her about some kind of party the Mayor was putting together and how he wished to have some entertainment, Katniss was pretty sure Madge had been the one to suggest maybe trying to find entertainment, and had simply told her he’d be willing to pay if she could put together a performance that lasted half an hour.

Katniss had been more than ready to shoot Madge’s offer down when Madge had told her what the tentative pay would be.

It wasn’t a fortune, or anything out of this world.

But it might just be enough to buy Prim the new shoes she needed without having to sacrifice half her game of the week.

So Katniss had said she’d consider it.

And once she got home, she steadied herself before reaching to the very back of their small closet and pulling out a dusty guitar case she hadn’t dared touch since her dad had passed away.

As she tuned the guitar and clumsily tried to remember the chords her dad had once taught her, her mother had stepped into the room, pale at the sound of music.

They’d stared at each other for a long moment. And then-

“I uh… apparently the Mayor is doing some event for some of the merchants or something like that… Madge said he might pay me if I… sang for them.”

“…oh, I see. Will you do it?”

Katniss shrugged, “The pay would be good. And spring is barely starting…” they both knew that meant less game to eat and trade, it would take a few more weeks for all the animals to fully come out of hibernation of berries and fruits to grow in full again, “might do it as a one time thing.”

Her mother nodded along, hesitating before leaving, saying she needed to get something.

Prim sat excitedly at the end of the bed as Katniss managed to recall a few songs on the guitar, as a kid she’d mostly watched her dad whenever he played the guitar. She was surprised at how much she remembered and, after a few failed attempts and having to readjust her grip on the guitar, how she could pull together decent sounding chords, her voice slowly becoming stronger as the minutes went on.

Her mother returned with a box leaning against her hip, seeming nervous as she placed it on her bed, opening it and stepping back, “For you Katniss. If you’re going to… perform… you should look the part.”

Katniss frowned, caught off guard before setting the guitar aside and approaching, looking into the box and-

“Oh they’re so pretty!” Prim rushed forward, pulling out one of the dresses within the box.

They were unlike anything Katniss had ever seen in District Twelve, full of color and ruffles and embroidery and layers.

She dared reach out and carefully run a hand over the rainbow ruffles that made up the skirt of one of the dresses.

These were not merchant dresses.

“What… where did these come from?” She questioned.

Her mother hesitated for a moment, “They were from a few girls from your dad’s family. They were in… storage.”

Katniss frowned at that, “Dad’s family?”

“A few of them were singers, performers… maybe these will help you feel more comfortable singing.”

Katniss fully turned at that, “Dad’s family were singers?”

“…yes. But that was a lifetime ago.” She trailed off as she watched Prim place a too-long dress against her chest, spinning to see the skirt flutter, “You should have them… even if you don’t wind up singing.”

Katniss took a moment, she was working on letting her mom do stuff for her… and these dresses were a part of her dad’s legacy, what little was left of it that wasn’t coal dust and fiery nightmares.

“Thanks mom. But… I think I’d look a bit ridiculous.”

“You’d look beautiful!” Prim said earnestly, “And I could do your hair! And you could use berries and bugs to make some rouge!”

“How do you know about rouge? Anyway- that’d be a waste-”

“Come on!” Prim pleaded, “It’ll just be once! Please?”

Katniss sighed heavily, going to stare at the dress Prim had just laid on the bed.

***

“I look ridiculous.” Katniss grumbled as her mom finished doing her hair and Prim carefully applied a little bit of rouge to her cheeks and lips.

“You look really pretty.” Said Prim, so honestly and earnestly, Katniss nearly believed it.

She stood up, stepping back to try and get a full body view in the small mirror, “Well there goes my dignity.”

It wasn’t that bad all things considered.

She’d chosen some of the least eccentric pieces in the box, a long purple skirt with a dark blue checkered pattern, a white blouse and a black over-shirt with flowers embroidered in the collar, brown detailing along the pockets.

Madge had lent her a nice pair of boots since apparently her own hunting boots wouldn’t make the cut, her mom had braided half her hair up to keep it out of her face and form a braid crown and Prim had fortunately showed restraint with the rouge she’d made out of herbs and berries, so her lips and cheeks were only slightly tinted, barely enough to be noticeable but enough to bring some color to her face.

She didn’t look as dumb as she’d feared. But it was still… very different to say the least.

Prim frowned, “Don’t say that! You look pretty. And mom said this is how dad’s family used to dress for their shows.”

“It’s gonna be eight songs, that hardly counts as a show.”

“But you’ll still be performing.” Her mom gently told her as she reached out to adjust her blouse and the black shirt on top, moving her skirt for some reason Katniss couldn’t fathom, “And your sister is right, you do look very pretty.”

Katniss sighed heavily but pulled back on her groaning and moaning. They’d both done their best to help her and make her look her best and it’d been Katniss who’d accepted the offer and had signed the death certificate of her dignity.

She carefully slung her dad’s old guitar over her shoulder and went to leave, doing her best to keep her head high and not act any differently as she made her way out of the Seam, sensing a few confused glances shot her way but ignoring them.

She was doing this for Prim.

She was doing this because if the Mayor was dumb enough to pay her for singing, then she should take advantage of that.

And also, it was better to show up looking just a little bit ridiculous than to show up looking obviously Seam, since this was some kind of gathering of the better-off folks of District Twelve.

At least they couldn’t say she hadn’t made an effort.

As she was about to cross into the merchant square-

“Catnip!” She turned to see Gale running towards her, a frown on his face and a game bag slung over his shoulder, “What are you wearing? What are you doing?”

Katniss rolled her eyes as she went to continue her walk, “I told you I was doing a job.”

“What kind of job has you dressing up like… that?”

Katniss felt herself blush, feeling twice as ridiculous just as she’d started to enjoy the feeling of the skirt swirling around her legs, “I’m gonna sing at the Mayor’s party.”

“…you’re what?”

“Madge heard me sing and the Mayor wanted entertainment and offered a good pay.” She said defensively, “That’s it.”

“And the dress?”

Katniss gritted her teeth together, “It belonged to some aunt or cousin of my dad’s. Not like I could show up in my usual hunting gear.”

Gale paused, scoffing, “…and the rouge?”

Katniss stopped, turning to him, “It’s a performance Gale. I have to look the part.”

Gale shook his head, “So now you’re ready to be a dancing monkey for the merchants? Sorry- a singing monkey?”

Katniss scoffed, “Well sorry that I want to make sure my sister gets to have new shoes. It’s a good pay for half an hour of singing, I’d be stupid to turn it down over pride.”

“Pride is pretty much all we got!” Gale argued.

Katniss turned away, “I’m gonna be late.” She ignored him trying to call her back, if he had a problem with this he could have a fit about it by himself.

She knew he held some resentment towards the merchants for having it just a little bit easier than them, for not having to brave the mines. 

But he still traded plenty with them.

She didn’t see how this was any different.

Aside from the possible public humiliation if it went wrong.

And the fact that she was now ‘entertainment’. 

And that she was selling so called ‘talent’ and not a physical thing.

…this had been a bad idea.

Katniss tried to calm herself down as she arrived to the Mayor’s house, being let in by a Peacekeeper after she explained why she was there, hands sweating as she was led to a room next to the bigger room where the party was taking place, since she didn’t want to go in until it was time to take the stage-

Oh was there going to be an actual stage? She hadn’t even thought to ask- why hadn’t she asked?! Why had she agreed to this, it’d been idiotic.

She shut the door behind her, leaning against it and trying to breath and-

“Katniss?”

…no.

Absolutely not.

This had to be some kind of nightmare.

Katniss took in the room. 

It was a small room, probably meant for storage. There were coats that clearly belonged to the guests, a few plates and glasses that were probably extras, some kind of old banner and standing next to a cart with a box-

The boy with the bread, watching her with an odd look on his face.

“What are you doing here?” It came out more aggressive than she meant it to, but she was confused, why on earth would he be here? She was sure his family wasn’t part of the Mayor’s inner circle.

The Mellarks might’ve been merchants but they weren’t amongst the top families of District Twelve.

Peeta watched her for another moment, eyes dropping to her skirt before he cleared his throat, “I uhh…” he lifted the cover that was on the cart next to him, revealing a two-story cake with white frosting and intricate blue flowers, “Delivery- they asked if I could stay to help with the cutting.”

Of course, it was a party, the Mayor could afford a cake for his guests.

“…it’s pretty.” Katniss said, unsure of what else to say.

Peeta gave her a small, bashful smile, “Thanks.”

“…you frosted it?”

Peeta shrugged as he carefully placed the cover back, “I frost all the cakes.” He glanced her way, hesitating before speaking, “What are you doing here? I don’t see your game bag.”

Katniss sighed heavily, looking down, “The Mayor wanted entertainment… I’m going to sing.”

Peeta righted up at that, “Oh, that’s great. I uh… I remember you have a beautiful voice.”

She frowned, “When have you heard me sing?”

He half winced as he looked down, going to rub the back of his neck, “I uh… I remember you singing once in school. It was a long time ago, we must’ve been like- six maybe but… I remember.”

“…oh.” Katniss remember it then, a moment she hadn’t thought of in years, before her dad had passed and she’d have to learn how to survive without him.

The very first day of school.

How did he remember that?

Katniss went to fidget with her skirt, unsure of what to do, catching Peeta watching her, eyes carefully going over her hair and the dress.

She shook her head, “I know. I look ridiculous.”

“What- no! No you… I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so much color in Twelve… if you don’t count the Capitol reaping lady. It’s nice.”

Katniss half snorted, looking down as she smoothed out the skirt, “If you think this is colorful you should’ve seen the other dresses… not that it’ll be much help… pretty sure I’m about to make a fool of myself.”

She wasn’t exactly sure why she was confiding in him, maybe it was because he’d already seen her at her most vulnerable, so who cared if a few words managed to slip through her defenses.

Peeta gave her a small smile as he stepped closer, “Pretty sure you couldn’t look a fool even if you tried. I’m sure you’ll be great.”

“Don’t put too much faith in me, I might just bolt for the door as soon as I step on stage.”

“If you want I can knock the cake over, give them a distraction so you can run.”

Katniss chuckled at that, raising an eyebrow, “You’d do that?”

He shrugged, “It gets boring standing around waiting to cut slices, could be entertaining. And if I time it just right I could topple it over the Mayor himself.”

Katniss laughed at the mental image, Peeta joining in.

“As tempting as the offer is… I gave Madge my word.”

Peeta nodded once, understandingly, “Well if you change your mind just give me a sign and I’ll try to give you an out.”

She found herself going to smile.

The door open and Madge peeked in, brightening up when she saw Katniss, “Hey! You start in ten, Peeta could you please bring the cake in to start giving out slices?”

“Yeah of course.” Peeta went to wheel the cart out as Madge hurried to the stairs, saying something about checking in on her mom. He hesitated, stopping next to her, “I meant what I said, you’ll be great. And… just for the record… you look beautiful.”

He stepped out before she could reply, her cheeks burning.

Katniss shook her head, trying to center herself.

Peeta was just being nice. That was all, it didn’t mean anything. It shouldn’t have made her feel so… so much.

She took a moment to make sure her guitar was properly tuned and that she remembered all the chords she would need before Madge gently told her it was time.

In the end, there were about thirty-five people in the room, sitting in a few tables. The stage was really more of a step a few inches above the rest of the room, Katniss walking around the edge of the room to reach it and the lonely mic that’d been set up for her.

She could feel all eyes on her, all unsure what to expect as she cleared her throat and tried to ignore the panic trying to bloom in her chest.

As she found herself forgetting the first words of her first song… and then she met a pair of blue eyes, Peeta was slicing the cake, taking a moment to meet her gaze, eyes soft but attentive, waiting.

Her fingers changed the chord she’d been ready to play, and she found herself singing the Valley Song, which she hadn’t planned on singing but was the only one she could cling to in that moment.

Peeta’s eyes lit up in recognition, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip before he returned to his task of distributing the cake.

After finding her rhythm and the appropriate distance to keep from the mic, the songs seemed to fly by, she felt almost possessed by the music, she wondered if maybe this was what her dad’s aunts and cousins had felt when signing in the same dress.

Peeta left when he was done slicing the cake, sending her one last glance, he seemed like he wanted to linger, but his job was done.

People stood to dance to most of her songs, swaying and laughing, waltzing to her last song, which was a slower one.

When she struck her final chord, she was surprisingly given a round of applause.

Unsure of what to do, Katniss gave a quick bow and hurried off the stage after freezing for a second.

Madge met her at the door with a giant smile, “Katniss you were brilliant!”

Katniss felt her blush intensify as she tried to brush it off, “I just sang.”

Madge just smiled as she handed her a small pouch of coins, “Well you did it amazingly.”

Katniss slumped against the door once she managed to fully get away and leave the Mayor’s house behind, 

She took a moment to gather her thoughts before going to start the walk back home, somehow feeling lighter than when she’d made her way over.

She found that… she didn’t hate the idea of performing again.

[copper-16]

Why Would She Say That?

Ingrid and Mapi’s daughter calling the Norwegian by her name for the first time

(a/n: hi guys! So a few people have been asking for a kid fic with Mapi and Ingrid, and to be honest I came up with a ton of ideas so I decided to just post little chapters as I write them instead of compiling them all into one big fic! I used the same character from an old kid fic I wrote about these two back a few months ago. I hope everyone enjoys! :)

Elena was just a little under a year old when it happened. She hadn’t properly started talking yet, had only babbled in the way that all babies did. It was one of Mapi’s favorite activities, to sit there with her and pretend that she understood what her daughter was saying. They would have whole conversations, Elena perched on her lap and just talking away at the Spaniard, who appeared to be hanging off her every word despite not understanding an ounce of what she was saying.

Ingrid, personally, found it incredibly adorable if not a little frustrating at times. She loved Elena very much, but when the little girl was upset sometimes there wasn’t much that could be conveyed through the pointing of her chubby fingers.

Which was why the Norwegian was elated when Elena began speaking, real, whole words.

She had tried not to be too discouraged by the fact that her daughter’s first word was “Mami,” the name they had very clearly picked out for Mapi to be called. Mapi was “Mami” and Ingrid was “Mama” they had decided, figuring that would be easy enough for a baby to understand while still being able to delineate between the two of them.

“Princesa, can you grab me Elena’s bag?” Mapi called out from her spot near the apartment entrance, with their daughter settled comfortably on her hip. The sandy blonde little girl eagerly pulled at her mothers hair, and Mapi winced slightly before gently pulling her chubby hand away, shaking her head at the baby despite the fact that she was smiling down at her.

But Elena just smiled back at her with delight, clapping her hands together as the brunette bounced her lightly, waiting for her wife to bring the bag they needed before leaving the house.

“Ma-ma-ma, pra-pra-pra, buh-buh-buh,” Elena puffed out softly, and Mapi nodded her head as she smoothed down the mess of sandy blonde curls atop her head.

Ingrid came around the corner with the bag in just a few seconds, smiling widely at her two girls, depositing a kiss on each of their cheeks as she passed the bag to Mapi.

“Elena, can you say bye-bye to Mama?” Mapi prompted, doubting that the baby would actually do it but still trying to get her to say the M-word, either way. But Elena just smiled up at the Norwegian without saying a peep, instead waving her hand goodbye. Ingrid allowed herself to lean into the laughter that tumbled from her mouth, tickling her daughter's belly slightly before she kissed Mapi softly in parting.

“Bye princesa,” Mapi mumbled against the Norwegian’s lips before she slipped out the door with their baby.

—

When the center back arrived back home just a few hours later, Ingrid was waiting at the door with anticipation.

“Elena!” The dark haired woman cooed in excitement, having missed the baby despite the small amount of time that had elapsed since they had last seen each other. And to her credit, her daughter was equally excited to see her, reaching for the Norwegian easily and allowing for her Mami to facilitate a quick trade off.

Ingrid covered the little girl's face in kisses before she turned her attention to her wife, who was gazing fondly at the two as they greeted one another.

“How was the doctor?” The taller woman asked, referencing the check up that Mapi had taken Elena to.

“Everything looks good. She’s in the 52th percentile for weight and the 45th for height, and everything looks healthy according to her doctor,” Mapi parroted, and Ingrid couldn’t help but nod in relief. When she had been pregnant with Elena, nobody had really warned her about the pre and post-partum anxiety she would feel. And while it had gotten better as Elena had gotten older, occasionally it still held her tightly for the most random of things, like a routine doctor's visit.

But Elena was fine, and Mapi was smiling at her brightly, and everything was okay.

After the three of them had dinner, they migrated to the living room to settle in for the night. Mapi was curled on the couch as Ingrid sat on the floor with Elena, playing with her blocks while she babbled away.

“Yes, this one is yellow,” Ingrid explained as the little girl held up a yellow block, watching as Elena dissolved into giggles and reached for another one, holding it up to her mother expectantly.

“That is purple,” Ingrid supplied easily, and instead of laughter Elena looked down at the purple block with confusion, her little brows knitted together in clear skepticism.

“Do you not like purple?” Ingrid asked, looking up at Mapi with an equally confused expression. Elena looked up at her Mama just as Mapi replied, also a little lost on what was going on.

“Mami!” Elena cried out gently as she looked back at Mapi, before looking at Ingrid again, the block still in hand.

“Maybe she just does not like that purple block, princesa,” Mapi tried, unsure of what was going on inside her daughter's little mind.

But just as Mapi finished her sentence, Elena dropped the purple block and reached for Ingrid insistently. The Norwegian easily reached for her daughter, pulling Elena into her with a gentle hug. Her daughter's little body melted into her completely, letting out a relieved little sigh.

When the dark haired woman pulled her daughter back, Elena smiled at her brightly.

“Prin-prin-prin,” Elena pushed out very insistently, as though she was trying to tell her mother something, and it was Ingrid’s turn to furrow her eyebrows, shaking her head slightly.

“Hm?” She asked the baby softly, not really expecting an answer but trying to mirror what her wife did with the little girl when they spoke.

“Princess!” Elena finally giggled out triumphantly, pointing at Ingrid with one of her chubby little baby fingers.

Mapi pitched forward with surprise from her spot on the couch as Ingrid nearly dropped her daughter from complete surprise, and for a moment both of them were completely still and silent as they looked from each other to their baby, back and forth.

“What did she just say?” Ingrid squeaked out, her voice an octave higher than it usually was. Mapi had slapped her hand over her mouth, and she was trying desperately to keep from laughing.

“María, what did she just say?” Ingrid repeated, staring at Elena with wide eyes. Her daughter was staring back at her with big eyes, confused as to why her mother was acting so strangely.

“She said princesa, I believe,” Mapi said from her spot on the couch, a smirk dancing across her lips. Ingrid looked over at her with huge eyes, more than a little shocked.

“Why would she say that! That’s not my name!” Ingrid exclaimed, but Mapi just raised a brow at her, unimpressed.

“Is it? It’s not like I haven’t been calling you that for years, princesa,” the Spaniard points out, emphasizing her last word heavily.

“Princesa!” Elena repeats happily, reaching forward to place her hand on Ingrid’s cheek as if to prove her point.

Ingrid looked from her wife back to their baby, who was staring at her with big eyes, as if she was the only thing in the whole world that mattered. She had never expected to have loved such a small human so much, and yet here she was. Completely and utterly head over heels in love with someone so tiny.

“Yes, that’s right, that’s me,” Ingrid whispers, her voice choked up as she struggles to get words out over her impending tears. The Norwegian pulls their daughter back into her, and Elena settles into her chest easily, her whole body pressed flush against Ingrid.

“You know who I am,” Ingrid murmurs into the little girl's sandy blonde hair, her words just barely audible. Tears are slipping down her cheek of their own volition, falling onto the carpet as Elena snuggles into her, and her wife finally moves from her position on the couch to join them on the floor.

She wraps her arms around Ingrid, allowing the Norwegian to press her face into her neck as she still cradles Elena close to her, the brunette bringing her hands up to gently rub at Ingrid’s back soothingly.

“She always knew who you were, you know that, right?” Mapi murmurs softly, trying to reassure the Norwegian that just because her daughter hadn’t said her name, didn’t mean that she loved the dark haired woman any less. Ingrid nodded into her neck, gathering herself for a moment before she leaned back, rocking Elena back and forth as she sniffled lightly.

She knew, but it was still something else entirely to hear her daughter say something that signified her, out loud.

Mapi reached forward to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks, given that her wifes hands were relatively full at the moment. When Ingrid pulls Elena back slightly, the little girl seems concerned, looking up at the Norwegian with worry in her eyes. Ingrid can probably guess that she’s clocking the redness and blotchiness of her face from her crying.

“Mama?” Elena asks gently, and Ingrid feels her jaw fall open again as her face lights up, and she looks from their daughter to Mapi, who is looking back at her with excitement.

“That’s right, Mama! Mama is alright, mi sol,” Mapi reassures the little girl, but her words are twinged with excitement for her wife, and Elena giggles at them both before she reaches for the Spaniard, allowing Ingrid to safely transfer her from one parent to the other.

Mapi smothers the small girl with kisses before she looks back up at Ingrid, only to find her with more tears in her eyes.

“Are you crying again?” Mapi asks with a laugh as the Norwegian fixes her with a glare, but the intensity of it is lost as a tear rolls down her face.

“Ti stille,” Ingrid snaps, telling her wife to shut up though there is little bite to it, and the Spaniard simply chuckles in response as she bounces their daughter a few times before depositing her back to the Norwegian.

“Gosh - what a day! Ingrid…I think we might have the smartest baby ever,” Mapi decides with complete and utter seriousness, and Ingrid rolls her eyes slightly at the hyperbole, but she finds herself agreeing rather easily either way.

“I think you might be onto something there,” Ingrid decides as she cuddles her daughter close, the little girl giggling at all of the excitement as she tries to pull on some of Ingrid’s long dark hair.

“Ow, Elena!”

[thatfeelinwhenyou]

safe & sound recap! (spoilers)

so.

i did it. i actually finished this series. honestly, i went into this with zero confidence i’d see it through, so i planned to write everything in advance before posting. . but… my self-control? nonexistent. cause i ended up posting prematurely. when i first announced the series on my blog, i had up to part 4 written. i thought, “hey, it’s just two more parts” (at that point of time i only had plans to write 6 parts). i figured i could get it done on time. i was wrong 😀

i had a plan, sure, but the more i wrote, the less certain i felt about the direction i was taking. even up until the very end, i wasn’t sure it was something i wanted to release. hence, why part 7 took so long.

and for everyone who was convinced y/n was going to die… you weren’t completely wrong. i was supposed to kill her off. i actually have a whole draft written in my docs. but it felt wrong to write about humanity and human nature without offering second chances.

i mentioned somewhere before that the core notion that inspired the creation of safe & sound was, “would i still be capable of falling in love if the world was ending?” and i wanted the reader to feel this dilemma for themselves. killing her off would’ve made it impossible to explore this idea.

because isn’t it human to fuck up and try to redeem yourself? hope was the central theme of this fic—hope as the driving force for survival. killing her off would’ve made all that hope meaningless. and that’s when i realised i wasn’t writing the story i wanted to tell. so i rewrote the entire ending and delayed part 7. and i’m so glad i did because i’m proud of the way it turned out. so in case anyone is planning to ask, i will not be posting the draft 😂

i also took on a new form of writing. with safe & sound, i was writing it in a loose first-person pov. i'm pretty sure many of you noticed, i wasn’t diving into jungwon’s or anyone else’s internal monologues. everything was filtered through y/n’s perspective because i wanted the reader to learn new information at the same time as her. this approach was intentional in the sense that i wanted to heighten the sense of isolation and fear. in a zombie apocalypse, survival is rooted in what you directly experience and perceive—there’s no omniscient clarity, no clear insight into what others are feeling or planning. it’s all about y/n’s limited understanding of the world around her.

this pov choice also reflects y/n’s own internal struggle—how she processes trauma, how she pieces together hope and love amid chaos. it was a deliberate attempt to keep the reader emotionally tethered to her journey. but with that also comes the struggle of justifying the actions of other characters. even now, i don't think i did a very good job. but it is what it is. let me know if you guys prefer this style of writing, may or may not explore it in future projects!

but of course, the most important reason i even managed to finish this series is you guys!! a huge part of my motivation came from all the love and support i received from all of you. every time i post a part, i’m just sitting there, waiting to see what you guys think. maybe that sounds superficial, but it genuinely feels good to be praised and appreciated.

it still amazes me that people take time out of their busy schedules to leave me reviews and send me asks about how much they enjoy my works. i know i’m not the most active author on tumblr. i take forever to reply to anything, and i know some of you try to catch me when i’m online. it really, really means a lot to me. just know that all the energy i receive, i put right back into writing!

so, with that, i’m excited to let you guys know i’m working on a one-shot (still undecided on the member) and maybe even another ot7 series. who knows? 🤔

i’ll also be replying to asks and reblogging some of your posts, so feel free to mute me LOL. i'll definitely be taking a big fat break but don't worry, i'll still be coming online and replying to any comments and asks! until then, please stay hydrated, happy, safe, and sound! ❤️

xo, nat

[fullymyself]

While you were sleeping - part 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word count: 2,847

Summary: The story is based on the movie While You Were Sleeping. You work at a café and have a secret crush on Steve Rogers, the super soldier who has been coming to the shop every week to grab a coffee and sketch. One day, he is attacked right in front of the café and, even though you manage to save his life, he falls into a deep coma. All it takes is one misplaced comment and now the whole hospital and the Avengers think you’re Steve’s secret fiancée. What’s worse is that now you find yourself falling for his best friend.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of injury but very light, lil bit of angst

Notes: Hi, hope you are doing well! This is a rewrite of a fic I wrote many years ago when I had a different tumblr. This story has been stuck in my head for a very long time so I had to rewrite it. It's gonna be at least 3 parts but I'll try to post the others as soon as I can. This part is more to situate the story, it's not set on any specific time or event of the MCU so everyone is alive, happy and thriving (like the olden days Avengers fics). To compensate for the lack of Bucky on this chapter I added a special easter egg at the end.

Also, this fic deals a lot with the theme of loneliness, which is something I struggle a lot with too. So, if you happen to relate to the themes in this fic, pease don't forget that even though you might feel like it you're not alone and if you need someone to talk I'm always willing to listen! (And I know I'm not the only one)

Hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome!

Part 2 - Part 3

You’d grown accustomed to being alone, not by choice but lack thereof. Having no family was already hard, but trying to find friendship and community in a city like New York, as an adult, was almost impossible. It’s not like you were completely alone, you had friends from work and acquaintances, but no one was as close to you as you would like. You really wish more people would talk about how lonely and shitty adulting could be.

Life was monotone, everyday felt pretty much the same. Wake up, commute, work, commute, get home to your cat, watch something to distract yourself, clean up, sleep and repeat. Few things actually brought something different to your daily life, so that’s why when Steve walks into the café on a especially hard day, you get an immediate crush.

He was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen and every time he walked into the café you could see people stop on their tracks and pretty much collectively sigh – you included. First time he came to the shop you froze, absolutely butchering the order you were taking care of and spilling burning hot coffee all over yourself. Thankfully, you didn’t really get any significant burns, but Steve almost leapt over the counter to help you. And that’s what did it, not his beautiful smile or his great ass, how he actually worried about you on that moment and came to the rescue.

You tried to reason with yourself that that moment was just a reflection of his job — you were pretty sure being a hero was not a 9 to 5 and more of a life commitment – but even thought you knew you were not special and that he’d do it for anyone else, you couldn’t help the soul crushing crush from developing.

He came to the café at least once a week, he’d sit on a secluded table near the window and sketch for a while, sipping on some coffee and eventually ordering a piece of the freshest pie. While he did so you were pretty much useless, going through your tasks pitifully oblivious to everything around you but him.

“You know…” Celeste, your co-worker, says as she moves to turn off the oven you had forgotten about, before the muffins turn to ash. “Before you end up burning this place down and putting us out of a job, you totally should give him your number.”

“Ha! Yeah, that’s a great idea!” You say ironically, you’ve had this conversation plenty of times before, she always urging you to do something about your feelings and you refusing. “Hello Mr. Most-Perfect-Man-And-Hero-Of-America, here’s my number so we can go on a date and get married or you can totally reject me and make my work even more awkward than it already is or simply disappear so I’ll never see your face again other than in the news…”

“Okay okay I get it” She rolls her eyes but places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “But just so you know, I think you should give yourself more credit.”

-

Days go by and Christmas fast approaches, intensifying your feelings of loneliness bit by bit. You try to hype yourself up for the holiday like you do every year, decorating the house, setting up a tree, buying gifts for your neighbours and co-workers. But deep down all of that is more of a distraction than a remedy. Celeste and your neighbours have offered for you to spend Christmas with them but, being with other peoples families while feeling like an outsider only makes you feel worse – you know so from experience from a few times you tried forcing yourself into those situations before.

Turns out you get the perfect excuse to refuse those invitations. Your boss, Jerry, comes to the café one day, insisting you work on the holiday, even though you have already negotiated the day off. It takes some convincing to make you give up on your plans to stay in and enjoy some movies and cheap wine, but once he mentions how you’re the only one who doesn’t have family for the holidays, you cave.

So that’s how you end up on an empty café on a freezing Christmas morning. You watch as a few families walk around the city, rushing through the cold New York air to get to where they’re going but that’s pretty much all the people you get to see throughout your day.

Since there’s no customers, you end up changing the café’s usual playlist to one of your own. You’re singing along to one of your favourites and that’s why you don’t hear when someone walks into the shop. You only notice them as they clear their throat behind you, your soul almost leaving your body.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to startle you!” Steve looks at you sheepishly. Your face burns hot with the embarrassment of the situation. Steve Rogers just walked in on you singing and dancing at work.

“Ah-uh… sorry, that was my bad I didn’t hear you coming in, bit of a slow day.” Steadying yourself behind the counter you take and prepare his usual order, this time to go. You don’t know if you should feel relieved or sad that he isn’t staying longer.

After you hand him his order, you almost choke on your words when exchanging merry Christmases once he calls you by your name. Thankfully, he walks out quickly and you’re left alone with your embarrassment. You wanna facepalm and hide under the counter but, before you can move, there’s a loud noise outside and every window in the café shatters from the force of whatever caused the commotion.

You get up from the floor, a rush of adrenaline making your body buzz as you try to understand what just happened, when you see something move close to the front door of the shop. A large man in black tactical gear walks slowly, a weird looking gun in his hands pulsates with weird blue energy while he aims it at something on the floor. No, not something, someone. Steve.

Before you can think better of it, you grab the baseball bat hidden under the counter and walk slowly to where the man is headed, trying to be as quiet as you can while walking around the glass covered floor. The man bends down to check on Steve and that’s when you take your shot, swinging the bat with full force against his head. The man immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

“Shit shit shit shit” You mumble as you move to check on Steve, he is still breathing and you can’t see any injuries other than a few cuts caused by the broken glass, but no matter what you do he won’t wake up.

Steve is taken to the nearest hospital after the ambulance is called, they take you with him since you’re a witness to the attack and are also injured. When you get there, Steve is taken to get emergency attention, you try to follow but they won’t let you since you’re not family.

As they take him away you’re left alone, staring at your own reflection on the ER glass. Bitterly, you whisper “But I was going to marry him”.

-

A couple of hours pass and, after the police asks for your statement, a nurse ends up letting you go up to the room Steve is in. She guides you to the chair near the bed. “Let him hear your voice, dear, I’m sure he’d like to know he’s not alone.”

Before you can say anything, you hear a commotion on the corridor, a cacophony of voices echoing down the hall until several people burst into the room. “This is unacceptable, his metabolism is different! He needs specific doctors!” You hear a faintly familiar male voice complain while a woman gasps. “He looks so pale!”

The commotion continues until everyone walks in and you realize who they are, the freaking Avengers just walked into the room. You move to the opposite corner, trying to make yourself as unnoticeable as possible, as they bombard the doctors with questions.

“He is in a coma, his vitals are strong, brainwaves are good. He’s gonna get through this, but since we don’t know much about what caused the injury we can’t say for certain what exactly is preventing him from waking up.” The doctor explains calmly only to be bluntly answered by the man you now recognize as Tony Stark. “Okay, so we know nothing. How did this happen?”

“He was shot with some sort of energy gun and it knocked him unconscious.” You whisper from the corner of the room. Everyone shifts their focus to you and you want to disappear.

“And who are you exactly?” Tony asks defensively, but you can’t blame him, this whole situation is just too weird. Before you can answer, the nurse who guided you to the room speaks. “She’s his fiancée.”

There’s a brief moment of silence before the room erupts in voices again, you can’t keep track of what's happening and you are as confused as everyone in the room. You try to interrupt their banter a few times to clarify that you are definitely not Steve’s fiancée, but no one would listen.

That’s until another doctor, the one who prevented you from accompanying Steve before, walks in going straight to the nurse and pointing at you. “What is she doing here?”

“Hey, buddy, she saved his life!” A police officer points out, making the room erupt with comments once again.

“She saved his life?!” A beautiful red haired woman comments and there’s a pause in the commotion, everyone waiting to hear from you.

“I- Well, I might have knocked out the assailant with a baseball bat.” Your eyes keep fixed on the floor as you speak, not wanting to acknowledged the unwanted attention.

“I don’t care what she did. Visitations are for family only.” The doctor motions to you, but a quick hand stops him and Tony looks him dead in the eyes. “She is family.” And there it goes again, the commotion starts and, as you try to stop everyone and clarify that you were only a witness to the attack and nothing more, everyone else keeps talking about a thousand different things and making sure you’re not kicked out, so no one hears what you have to say.

After the doctors leave, you feel a gentle arm on your shoulders. It’s the woman you know now to be Natasha, her eyes glazed with unshed tears, even though she tries to hold a neutral expression. “You know, we haven’t seen much of him, so that’s why we didn’t know. But we always wanted him to find a nice girl and I’m so glad he found you.”

-

Later that day, when you get to escape the confines of the room, you manage to speak with the nurse that started this whole situation. “Why did you say that? I’m not his fiancée!”

She looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. “But you said you were gonna marry him!”

Oh, oh no. “I was talking to myself! I just have a crush on the guy!”

“Well, next time, tell yourself you’re single and end the conversation.” She doesn’t even look mad, she just looks entertained by the whole ordeal.

Your conversation is quickly interrupted by someone coming from the room. “Is there a pharmacy in the hospital? Tony needs some nitroglycerine.”

“Oh, he has a heart problem?”

“Problems. The guy has a reactor keeping his heart from collapsing, it’s a miracle he manages to get up everyday, much less keep up with this lifestyle.” As the nurse leaves to get the medicine the man turns to you, a gentle smile on his face and you think that now might be the time to tell the truth and ditch this whole situation. “Honestly I think you might have saved his life, your engagement is the only good news we got in quite a while.” That shuts you up quite effectively, erasing your planed speech completely from your head. “I’m Sam by the way. And, I guess, welcome to the family!”

-

As you go home that night, thoughts keep replaying in your head, especially the way everyone took you in so quickly and accepted you as family. It as wrong but it ignited a feeling you hadn’t felt in such a long time, making you feel wanted and like you belonged, even if it was a lie. You give up on sleeping and end up deciding to go to the hospital again, not really minding that it is the middle of the night.

When you get there, you have no problem with getting to the room, now that the lie had spread through the hospital staff. Steve looks peaceful, more lively than when you last seen him here, but it’s very weird to see him in such a state – especially without his signature smile. You sit next to him awkwardly.

“You must be wondering what I’m doing here in the middle of the night. Well, I think I should at least explain myself properly. We met at the café and I’m suddenly your fiancée, this is very sudden.. Never been engaged before so all of this is very new.” You laugh sheepishly. “I really didn’t mean for this to happen, I’m so sorry. It’s just that… I didn’t have the heart to tell them. They called me family, they seem so happy to know I was with you. I haven’t had that in such a long time. My whole family is gone and I’m all alone, so I just….” You breathe deep, you know it’s not right to keep this lie up but it takes a lot to fight against the warm feelings growing in your chest, even if it’s fake. “Have you ever felt so lonely that you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?” Again, you laugh, but without any mirth. “But don’t worry, I’ll tell them tomorrow.”

“Actually… please, don’t.” You turn around in surprise as Sam walks into the room. “This is really the only thing keeping them together right now. Steve has been gone for a while and, knowing he’s doing good, that he found love, is making them bear this situation.” He probably sees the look of despair and shame on your face because he continues. “Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. But please, I’m sure Steve will wake up soon and, when he does, I’ll tell everyone the truth and that I asked you to keep it a secret. I promise.”

Sam is a nice guy and he keeps you company through the night, conversation flows naturally between the two of you. “You know, you should come to our Christmas dinner. With everything that happened no one really celebrated, so we’re having a nice dinner tomorrow. Bucky will be there, you haven’t met him but I’m sure you two will love each other.” Like with the previous invitations, you refuse, but this time for another reason. This time you are afraid of feeling too much at home, only for it to be ripped away from you again.

-

A couple of months prior…

“Steve, why the hell would you want me to go to this café so bad?” Bucky sounds really irritated, it’s the tenth time that Steve has been pestering him about going to get coffee with him. He really doesn’t like cafés, they are always crowded, loud and have mediocre overpriced coffee. He might not make the best coffee in the world, but at least he can make a decent cup without having to go through the trouble of going out and paying a truly insane amount for something he could do himself.

“They have great pie, like the one we use to eat when we were younger.” Even though he tries, Bucky has seen it one too many times and Steve’s puppy eyes will not work on him, so he just stares at the man dead serious. He knows Steve is hiding something, he was always protective of Bucky and respected his boundaries and, hell, if their pies or coffee were so good, he could just bring some.

“Okay, fine” Steve caves and leaves alone for the café. He knows that if he tells Bucky the real reason he will be even more adamant on not going, but he can’t help but think it is a shame. He just knows the woman who works at the shop is Bucky's type and that they would get along great. His best friend has been alone for so long and he just wants him to find someone to share his life with. Sure, he has been getting much better at making friends, but it is still very hard in a city like New York and especially when you’re a man out of his own time.

If you're here, thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it!

I'm in the process of writing the next part, so I'll probably post it this week.

[corviiids]

sparknotes for my souyo fic 'going on and on and on'

happy year of the souyo in 2025. it's souyo year everyone! (as always don't read the post if you haven't read the fic it won't make sense)

i feel like this is even less of a sparknotes and more of a stream of consciousness than usual but whatever. it's word vomit about interalised homophobia now

first of all the timeline, which fucked with me initially because p4 came out in 2008 and in my head i was like oh, it's set in 2008. it's NOT. it's set in 2011-2. anyway, i did some hurried bad math about it. basically yu and yosuke are a year or so post-college and are roughly 23-24 years old in this fic. nanako is 14-15. the title comes from signs of love because after i outlined the fic i checked out the lyrics to the song and was like hey. i think i just wrote that.

He said, "I'm the one who's got to leave", I said "Nobody's really got to leave 'cause I don't hear enough explanation All I need is admiration" Big frustration, bro, he goes "Life is short, we gave a shot But didn't work, honey, 'cause we had A whole lot going on and on and on"

so this idea of a post-canon souyo has been plaguing me for about a month, then i got sick and at the peak of the sick i rewatched p4a in its entirety so that was that. i think yosuke with internalised homophobia is rightfully a cornerstone of p4 fandom but lately ive been yearning for a quieter and slightly more insidious form, beyond the old standby of 'yosuke overcomes his visible bigotry, one of them confesses, and the relationship starts'. i was like, what if yosuke IS over his bigotry insofar as it applies to other people, and yu's already confessed, and that's still not enough for the relationship to start because yosuke hasn't overcome the mental block it's created for himself without his knowledge? it's harder to overcome that, because yosuke's not aware that he has any qualms left about liking guys, so he doesn't even notice he's in denial. but yu notices, and it hurts him. and go from there.

i really like yosuke a lot. i think he's the most nuanced take on the best friend character out of 3/4/5 even though i obviously have a lot of love for ryuji as well as junpei - it's not necessarily that yosuke is a better or more complex character, but that he plays more with the trope. it's sort of novel because as well as being the fun and fresh bestie (with baggage!) he is also kind of the brains of the outfit and incredibly shrewd, which is rare for the best friend trope. also, all the best friend types are insensitive at times by way of being happy-go-lucky and sort of indelicate, but yosuke also says fucked up insensitive shit in a more blase and less clumsy way, at least as compared to characters who are openly crass - it reads less as rudeness from being unthinking and more as the consequence of an undercurrent of unconscious social biases, which again is more subtle and insidious. pair that with the fact that he's a legitimately reliable, kind, and clever guy, and that makes him a really fun character to write because he never says the obvious thing. pair HIM with yu, arguably the most good-natured and patient of the three protags, and you get a super fun dynamic with the potential for a lot of heartbreak. i know im not saying anything everyone doesnt already know because souyo has been around since the stone age, but listen. souyo is one of those things that's so obviously good and popular it becomes underrated again. it's like shakespeare. yeah souyo is like shakespeare i stand by that. justice and goodness demands that every now and then you sit down and re-realise how good souyo really is.

anyway! that led me to think about, like... if yu confessed before yosuke was ready, yosuke wouldn't shun him but definitely would make it extremely obvious that this was something he wasn't ready to confront. and those socially learned biases would come out in a way that yosuke means totally innocently and even kindly, but which would nevertheless hurt as much or even more as if yosuke had openly shunned yu. the events in my head are that yu confesses to yosuke a couple of years into living together and yosuke promptly compartmentalises that shit and refuses to reflect on it any further and represses anything relevant to thinking more deeply about it. yu, my best friend, is into me. [that's something i can't think about too much.] when i waved him off, he accepted it, so it can't be that serious. [yu is the type of person to shutter his own feelings away instead of bringing them up if he thinks he won't be well-received or might upset someone else, because he's an independent person who cares about others and fears being alone, which means i can't trust him to tell me honestly if he's upset.] i'm safe to assume this is behind us and move on. [i won't think about this again unless it's brought up again. i know yu won't bring it up again.]

"... Back in second year uni—yeah, he told me he was, I dunno, interested, or whatever. I told him I'd never thought about him like that. He said that was okay. And I guess I just—I mean, I never thought about it again.” Rise considers this. “That’s kinda a weird thing to never think about again,” she says. “Your best friend confesses his love to you and you’re just like, OKAY! Really?” When she says it like that, it is kind of weird.

the comment attached to this section in the working doc: "yosuke: am i really a chill guy or is it repression"

in the fic yu mentions he kissed yosuke at least once while drunk. yu being drunk means yosuke has a perfectly good excuse to dismiss that event as a one-off and ignore it too. this is brought up in like one sentence in the fic and neither character addresses it directly or goes back to it to discuss it, and that was very important to me. i think in a lot of pining fic the focus is on the knowledge of whether or not feelings are requited. once it's clear that both parties have feelings for each other, or even that one party has feelings for the other, the major roadblock is cleared and they're able to pursue a relationship, which is why in a lot of 'getting together' fics the climactic event is, understandably, the confession! in reality things can be a lot more complicated than that :( yosuke doesn't know how he feels about yu, but is aware he feels strongly. but yu confessing and even kissing him or doing other things that make his feelings undeniable isn't enough to overcome the difficulty that yosuke is facing internally - it's not enough to make him sit down and go, yu has feelings for me, so should i think about how i feel about him?

on that note, another thing i really wanted to avoid is the idea that yu just moves out because yosuke doesn't reciprocate:

"... And if you really never felt that way about me… if we were only ever going to be friends, I would’ve been fine with that. But if you refuse to face yourself, it’s different. It hurt too much. ..." -- "... You don't want to be ready. You don’t want to confront this about yourself, the idea that you might feel that way about a guy. You want to keep living this way forever, just having fun and hiding away. And I just—I can't do it anymore, okay, Yosuke? I can't keep helping you hide. I can't keep sleeping in the next room, making you breakfast, helping you pretend away the fact that I—” He stops and sighs. “If I'm wrong, and you never felt the same, then I'm wrong. I can live with that. I just need to know you're not running away. I can't keep being your accomplice in that.”

yu's pain doesn't come from his feelings being unrequited, it's that yosuke doesn't respect himself or yu enough to be honest with himself. if yosuke had done his reflection and come to the genuine conclusion that he either doesn't like guys or does but doesn't feel that way about yu, then yu would have accepted that. in another universe i would've written a fic about genuine unrequited love where yosuke just does not feel that way about yu and yu is okay with it because he loves yosuke as his best friend and partner and would be completely fine living with him as his roommate and standing by him as his friend, content to spend time together. the only reason i can't write this fic is just because i personally think yosuke DOES reciprocate... lol. anyway as naoto brings up:

“No… Well, not really,” says Yosuke. “I mean, I guess it does, but it's not him, exactly. I just don't know how to react to this. It's a lot of pressure, you know? Him saying he's serious about me, and that he can't live with me unless I feel the same, or whatever. It's kind of too much. I know Yu likes guys, but I never even thought about that sort of thing, so it's… kind of a blindside.” Naoto seems to pick his next words carefully. “I don't believe it was ever Yu’s intention to present you with an ultimatum,” he says. “I can't imagine he would want to make your friendship contingent on reciprocating his feelings. It's none of my business, but I would encourage you to reevaluate his meaning.”

this maybe feels like a fine distinction, but it's really important for me to make!! yu's never going to hold his friendship hostage because yosuke doesn't reciprocate. this fic has almost nothing to do with how yosuke feels about yu and everything to do with how honest yosuke is with himself, and how THAT affects yu. yu is aware that every moment he spends with yosuke in this state is more time that he's enabling yosuke not to be honest with his own feelings, which forces yu not only to live in a hurtful lie but to be actively complicit in doing so. this is p4 after all! the entire theme is facing yourself and the strength of heart required to face oneself being made manifest. yu endures it for like five years and then eventually realises he can't do it anymore, either from a values perspective or from a self-care perspective. this distinction matters so much to me because of course it's a ship fic and romance tends to be at the heart of ship fic, but yosuke's romantic feelings for yu really aren't at the heart of this conflict at all. i don't want the message to be that yosuke has fixed himself via being gay for his partner. rather, his love for yu in whatever form, and the idea that yu represents the truth for him, forced yosuke to accept the truth about himself and finally enables him and yu to live in an honest way.

ok let's like briefly talk about the other ships and characters. sorry to yukiko who got almost no screentime it just happened that way.

this fic kinda has... every ship?? in it?? which was sort of intentional. i was really trying to push hard with that 'small town' thing of everyone knowing everyone, because this was what yosuke ended up using as his shield against what he was actually avoiding. he thinks it's just that inaba's world is too small and that he doesn't want to be like his friends just dating within their circles, but as yu points out, it's really not a problem to date within your friend group if that's what's working for you. i wanted yosuke to have this easy excuse to start with before eventually realising his problem isn't inaba and the solution isn't tokyo - the problem is inaba when yu isn't there, because it lost its appeal once yu left, and the solution is only tokyo when yu is with him, because tokyo loses its shine when yu leaves there too. the point is that yosuke is looking in completely the wrong direction for what's actually making him happy. his problem wasn't inaba at all, and there's nothing wrong with dating your best friend. ok i said i was gonna talk about other characters but it's yosuke again. let's talk about other characters. my point was that it's kind of a 'and they all lived happily ever after' stereotype to pair all the main characters off, but that was a Literary Decision. ok it was a Choice. i Meant to do that. probably

chie and yukiko to me are just an obvious pair. i actually initially thought about dating yukiko when i did my first p4 run but after doing her dungeon i abandoned that idea entirely because her and chie go through an entire romance arc in about four seconds flat. i dont need to sell anyone on those two. ive always had a real soft spot for kanji and naoto, but i also really like naoto and rise together, so i thought, this would be a fun way to complicate things even further for yosuke by instead of just pairing them off having them all be involved with each other in this web of casual relationships. i didn't tag any of the other ships because to be frank it's just not really about them since yosuke's mostly just focused on himself, so there's not a lot of detail in the fic about what's going on there, so here's like... a chart... btw seven months pass from the beginning of the fic until the end. at the three month mark chie and kanji go to visit yosuke. ok we go

at the start of the fic kanji and naoto are in an on-again-off-again situationship. when kanji visits yosuke at the three-month mark they're still in this state. sometime between this and the point where yosuke visits inaba, kanji and naoto settle and solidify, so by the end of the fic they are in a serious committed relationship.

naoto is bigender because all detective princes are bigender. yosuke didn't ask her pronouns but they're he/she interchangeably. she can be referred to as kanji (and rise)'s boyfriend or girlfriend but usually prefers partner. the others sometimes fumble around with this so sometimes (most often with chie and yosuke) he will just be referred to as kanji and rise's... (confusion) naoto???

rise and naoto get involved while kanji and naoto are still figuring their shit out and aren't exclusive. they are strictly casual and are not looking to be in a long-term relationship.

kanji and naoto are technically open but neither of them is seeing anyone else except for naoto seeing rise. kanji is okay with this but as naoto says in the fic he is still getting used to it. naoto and rise are prepared to end their involvement if at any point kanji decides he's not okay with it anymore. kanji is a little insecure because he isn't sure how much naoto really likes him, but once he realises how serious naoto actually is about him, he will settle down and i think he'll be fine.

rise is not interested in a long-term committed relationship right now at all. she is exceptionally chill about the interconnected relationships and is jealous of nobody. after yu and yosuke get together she and yu will shake hands and go back to being normal friends.

she gets involved with yu after yu moves back to inaba. they refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend but it's not that serious. yu is earnestly trying to move on from yosuke (hasn't yet) but is not attempting to do so with rise, they are just having fun. (rise calls herself yu's rebound but this is a joke)

chie and yukiko are each other's girlfriends but might come out of their holiday as fiancees. unclear

teddie is single

so that's the soap opera part of all this

i was personally really fond of the naoto and rise scenes in this, i just liked writing them a lot. naoto really suffers from being the last character added to the party and so just doesn't get the same amount of time to develop her relationship with the group or with any individual party members, which is such a shame, because she is SUCH a fun character. she and yosuke are really interesting because i would argue that (maybe outside of yu) they're the smartest characters in the party and until naoto joins the group it's yosuke filling the niche of the detective, so it's sort of a shame that they never really get to bond. this section also has one of my favourite lines in the fic which i keep expecting someone to call me out on

Whoa. Naoto’s getting more than him? Pint-sized, gender-ambiguous, awkward turtle Naoto Shirogane?

remember when everyone was saying awkward turtle? i just wanted to be true to this being a game from 2008.

anyway, there are two bits of advice to come out of the naoto and rise sections that i thought were most important to yosuke's development in this fic:

Naoto leans forward. “Yosuke,” he says gently. “I know we don't know each other particularly well, but for my part, I’ve always considered you a good friend. Would you accept a bit of well-intentioned advice?” He waits for Yosuke to jerk his head. “It's not a failure of self to admit that you want something. Just remember that, okay?”

and

Yosuke furrows his brow. “You realise it sucks, right?” he asks her. “It sucks people keep talking to me like they know me better than I know me.” Rise shrugs. “Isn’t that what friends are?” she says. “S’not like not knowing yourself makes you a dummy. That’s life. We haven’t got the TV anymore, so you gotta have friends you can count on to… to switch on the Yosuke show and spot your Shadow self when you can’t see it. Persona!”

the latter to me is about the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever. it's about being vulnerable to others in a way you yourself aren't aware of and accepting that that isn't a bad thing all the time. i kinda want to offer yosuke some grace here as well - as irritatingly oblivious as he is, it IS kind of disconcerting and upsetting to be constantly told things about yourself like everyone thinks they know better, and it can be really uncomfortable to have a relationship with a friend reframed by finding out they feel a way about you that you weren't aware of. the stuff he has to overcome in this fic is more complex than just 'accept he likes guys' - there's a lot of introspection and acceptance required in looking inward and finding out you don't know yourself as well as you thought you did, especially if there's external pressure.

"hey rook, why didn't anybody kiss in this fic?" i personally really enjoy making you read twelve thousand words of pre-relationship and not rewarding you at all. that's the reason.

when i was first outlining the fic, i got to the confrontation that yu and yosuke have at samegawa and thought, okay, this is the part of yosuke's social link where yosuke (atlus?) fumbles his shit hard, because that entire rank reads as leading towards a love confession until yosuke is like "YOU HAVE TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE."

so in my head i was like, this fic COULD be a fix-it for that. it could be. a different man would end the fic there and have yosuke realise his shit after yu chews him out, and it resolves by yosuke going "this time im going to ask him to kiss me instead of punch me" and then it resolves with a kiss and they live happily ever after. obviously i couldn't do that. it had to be a lot messier than that because of who i am as a person. so i dragged the outline on for another 1.5k or something after that point and the fic itself runs for another 6k.

LIKE THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH TO SAY AND THEN IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[redxixi]

~`All ours part 2~`

Part 1

~`Pairing: Viking!141 x reader

~`summary : after the raid you and the rest of the survivors were taking to price's village where your fate awaits.

A/n : OMG THANK YOU ALL FOR SO MUCH LOVE FOR THE PREVIOUS FIC. Since you guys loved the previous one so much i wrote a longer version and i hope i live up to the expectations. Also huge thanks to anon from this post for the idea for this part. AGAIN THIS IS A DARK FIC CONTAINING SHIT. Also my asks are open for ideas

!WARNINGS! : slightly NSFW, simping over john price, being kept prisoner, mention of slavery.

~`wordcount : idk.

Blackness. Pitch blackness. Thats what it felt like. You felt it consume you slowly..bit by bit it was eating everything. All the memories you had, all the times you laughed and cried...it all felt worthless now that you were being consumed.

Slowly you opened your eyes. Everything was blurry at first but bit by bit your vision was returning. You looked around and tried to move only to realize both of your hands were bound by some kind of rope to your back. You also realized that you were moving or atleast you were on something that was moving. You carefully sit up and observed your surroundings. You were in the back of what looks like a wagon with a buch of the survivors from your village, you could see some familiar faces and some bruised and bloodied faces.

"What happend...where are we going" you asked to the old woman that sat closest to you

"The raid happend...everything was destroyed and burned...they took us from our homes and loaded us up onto theire ships like cattle and made us beg for food. We then got off and then they loaded us up here.....our next destination may be our last"

The old lady said with a look in her eye that was a mixture of fear and despair. You remember the killing, the stealing and you remembered the men who did it. You also remember failing to escape...a mistake that would change your whole life.

After what seemed like eternity the wagon came to a halt. You could hear people calling out and children's voices. A village?

"THEY HAVE RETURNED!"

"Look they're back"

"Lord price is back!!"

You heard people and children shouting and praising. Lord price. That was the man. The man who murdered hundreds and led the raid. Why are people praising this monsters return? And why are they calling him lord? Thats when it dawned on you. You were in a village. His village. This is the home of those monsters. You could hear footsteps aproaching the wagon and tried to mentally prepare yourself for what was about to come. It was the man with the skull mask that approached the wagon with keys in his hand. he opened the cage and ushered everyone to get out.

"All of you. Out. Now. "

He said in a stern and terrifying voice. Afraid and terrified of what the man would do they started to get out slowly one by one. And since you were all the way in the back you had to wait until your turn finally came. You slowly tried to crouch walk to get out of the cage without looking him in the eye but just as you were about to jump out you lost you balance and almost fell out. You were sure you were about to fall face first into the dirt but you didnt. You opened your eyes and looked up and saw the masked man holding you bridal style.

"Be careful. You arent going to be of any use if your injured"

He put you on the ground again and you joined up with the rest of the captives.

"Move"

You heard the masked man say from behind you lot. Slowly as a group you started walking. You looked around and saw tents, huts, homes, children and woman. You all walked on the main path with several people staring at you lot with disgust.

"I'd say this haul is fairly successful"

"I wouldn't call only getting weat and goats successful. They had almost no gold."

You turned you head and saw the 2 men who slaughtered your home speaking amongst themselves. One was dark skinned one and the other apears to be a woman. You were so into their conversation that you didnt look where you were walking and bumped into what felt like a wall of a chest.

"Wadda we 'ave here. If it isnt the pretty little thing that tried to run away from us"

You recognized this man with a mohawk haircut and immediately lowered your head as to not offend him. You tried to move with the group so you dont fall behind but he wasnt having it.

"Oh come on now i just wanna talk it'll fun commonnn."

He said in a low sultry voice. His hands then wrapped around you waist and he pulled you towards him.

"This here is my home. What dont you like it?"

He said in a mocking voice. You tried to squirm away from him without making eye contact.

"JOHNNY" you heard someone yell.

"Ah duty calls. here hold onto this for me will ya. I will find you again mkay"

He handed you what seems to be a small wooden plate. Carved into it was the name "Johnny "soap" mactavish". You quickly put it into your pocket of your dress and tried to catch up with you group. What did he want? What does he mean he will find me? Why did he hold me like that? These questions were like the plague. Dangerous for your body and soul.

You and the rest of the survivors where escorted to the back of the camp into what looked like a prison of sorts where you were to stay until you found out what in gods name they wanted with you.

"We can't keep them here without them dying of starvation John. And we certainly do not have enough food to feed everyone. Why did you bring them back here?"

"I have a plan kate."

"Care to share it with us boss" Johnny said as he entered the tent with simon right behind him.

"I will sell them. Easy. Graves informed me that he needed more slaves for his buyers. So we will sell him the survivors as slaves in exchange for more food and weapons" john said with a serious look on his face while sitting on his throne like chair signing some kind of papers.

"Sound good to you kate?"

After a moment of silence laswell sighed then nodded her head in approval.

"Now if you dont mind i have work to attend to" john said as he was getting up and ready to leave.

For the next week or so you spend as their prisoner you seen alot of things. Monsters tho they may be they also care about this village. But at night they are like feral beast. Each night they all have different women and sometimes they dont even wait till night fall. You gathered this much from seeing and hearing things. The masked one is called ghost but his friends refer to him as simon. He doesnt bed a woman often but if he does he is certainly ruthless with a stamina of a horse. The one with a mohawk is refered to as soap but also as Johnny. He is a real ladies man. With him its every night and sometimes there are more than just 1 women. Then there is the dark skinned one wich you rarely see but when you do he's usually hurt or just came back from hunting. Just like simon he sometimes has a woman come with him to bed. He is probably a passionate lover if anything else and then there is the captian. John is his name. Everytime you see him its like something inside you burns. Tall dark handsome. You shouldnt be liking him but you cant help it. It also doesnt help when the woman he beds let out such moans you can only hope to make one day.

You snapped out of your daydream when simon aproached the cage and unlocked it.

"Everyone out now"

Fearing him everyone quietly obeyed and one by one exited the cage. What was going on? Is this the day you would die? These questions where eating at you.

"Follow me" simon said as he walked in front of the group until he reached a small dock with a couple of boats and ships. Simon then waved at one of the ships and soon the crew of the ship started to come to the dock with small boats.

"All of you get on"

"W..whats happening? Where are you taking us" one of the elder ladies asked with fear lached into her voice.

"Your being sold" said the voice from behind us. Price walked up to us with soap right behind him as he started to speak.

"Your being sold as slaves in exchange for supplies. It is only right i tell you your fate."

Your felt your heart sinking and your breath started to get unstable. Sold? As slaves? You can't be a slave? Soon all the captives started to cry and plead for their lives but simon forced them onto the boats until it was finally your turn. You pleaded him for mercy while crying.

"Wait not her" price spoke up and you saw johnny behind him grinning like a mischievous cat.

"Why not"

"Well she will be ours ofcourse" price said nonchalantly to simon. Simon in turn released me and i watched as the rest of the captives where being hauled away. Confused you asked

"Why...why me"

Price looked at you amusingly and smiled.

"A pretty little thing like you belongs here. With us ofcourse. You are ours now. And as for why well.." price looked back at a grinning johnny and continued.

"Someone requested you so as a favour now your ours."

Price took a few steps forwars until he was close enough for me to hear his heart beat. He took my face in his hand and pulled it upwards toward him. Slowly and in a low voice he whispered in my ear.

"All ours."

Ahhh finally done with this part and next part will be spicy i can assure you that and as all ways my asks are OPEN. Also i am making a taglist for everytime i post a fic so feel free to comment if you want to be part of the taglist. Also i apologize for any mistakes cuz english is not my first language. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE LOVE <3

[foundtherightwords]

The Only Song

Pairing: Hellcheer, Mermaid AU

Summary: A genderbent retelling of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Mermaid". A young merman living in the depths of the ocean dreams of escaping the sea. After saving a princess from a shipwreck and falling in love with her, he makes a deal with a wizard to exchange his voice for human legs. Now, armed with only his music, he sets out to earn the princess's love. But with the princess arranged to marry the prince of a neighboring kingdom, our merman has to work hard to stay on dry land, or be doomed forever.

Warning: mentions of drowning, some angst/suicidal thoughts

Word count: 7.3k

A/N: Here's the fic I wrote for the Hellcheer digital zine, @lovesongzine. I've had the idea for a genderbent Little Mermaid (Little Merman?) AU for Hellcheer ever since I saw this post by @jasontoddsmommyissues, and the zine was the perfect opportunity for me to explore it. I had a lot of fun writing this, staying close to the Andersen version (with one notable exception... as you will see), and working with @itsdancingquen to create an illustration for it. I hope you enjoy it. Big thanks to all the zine organizers and everybody who bought it, and don't forget to check out other fics in the collection too. They're so good!

The title is taken from a line in Death Cab for Cutie's "Soul Meets Body".

Read on AO3

Three paces down the shore,  low sounds the lute,  The better that my longing you may know;  I'm not asking you to come,  But—can't you go? Three words, "I love you,"  and the whole is said—  The greatness of it throbs from sun to sun;  I'm not asking you to walk,  But—can't you run? Three paces in the moonlight's glow I stand,  And here within the twilight beats my heart.  I'm not asking you to finish,  But—to start.

– SERENADE by Djuna Barnes

Once upon a time, there was a young merman who dreamed of escaping the sea.

The merman lived, like the rest of the merfolk, in the farthest reaches of the ocean, where it is so deep and dark that the sun cannot penetrate the water, leaving a wan blue light to illuminate the sandy bottom. Flowers and grass cannot grow there; only the pale corals and the dark seaweeds thrive in the gloom. The merfolk, having neither bricks nor wood nor tools to build, dwell in caves and old wrecks of sunken ships, encrusted with barnacles like skeletons of some ancient giants. It is said that the merfolk sometimes cause these wrecks, luring men to their death with their beautiful songs, but it is not true. They merely take what they can from the wrecks, putting them to good use.

Our young merman lived in one of these wrecks with his uncle. His mother had died giving birth to him, and his father had been caught by human sailors, when the merman was still a boy.

Unlike other merpeople, who stay away from anything human, our merman liked to decorate his dwelling with pretty things obtained from the wrecks, pictures and statues of strange scenes never seen in this world under the sea, mountains and forests and towns, creatures with wings and creatures with legs. His favorite object, though, was an instrument with a round body and a long neck, threaded with strings, which made a lovely sound when plucked. The merman would spend hours making up songs on it, while looking at his items from the upper world, wondering if he might one day see the place. His uncle, like most of the older merfolk, insisted that humans were dangerous. When the young merman protested, his uncle would remind him, grimly, of his father's fate.

Yet the merman did not believe humans could be a danger. No vile or violent beings could create such beautiful, wonderful things.

So, as soon as he was old enough to be allowed out on his own, the merman rose to the surface of the ocean and made his way toward the coast, where the land met the sea. He must know if humans were as dangerous as his elders said. He must know if the things in his pictures were real.

The first time he came to the surface, the young merman did not dare go far. He only put his head above the water for the briefest of moments, his heart beating so hard that he was afraid his uncle might hear it and would come dragging him back by his ear. With water streaming from his eyes, he could just make out a smudge of green and brown in the distance that might have been land, and some dark shapes further away that might have been ships. Afterward, he only remembered the blue of the sky, the softest, brightest blue he had ever seen, so unlike the cold, dark blue under the sea, and the golden sun, so warm and soothing on his face.

Gradually, he became bolder. He stayed longer and ventured closer to land, though he always took care to hide amongst the sea foam or the rocks. Soon, he came upon green hills and forests, a lofty castle overlooking the ocean, birds and horses and hounds—though of course he did not know they were thus called—just like in the pictures that he had gazed at with such fascination. Occasionally, he was joined by his friends, young, adventurous—some might even say reckless—mermen like him, who didn't fear or hate humans. But most of the time he was alone. Sometimes he would come up early in the morning to watch the sun rise over the water, dusting the sky and the sea with gold. Sometimes he would come up at night, when the dark blue sky and the pale moon were familiar, much like the light of his home, only more beautiful, because the sky glittered with stars like scattered jewels, and the moon, unhindered by the deep water, looked down on him with such gentleness, reminding him of the mother he never knew.

And there were the humans as well. At first, the merman only heard them—their voices calling each other, their laughter, and most of all, the songs they sang as they left on their fishing boats early in the morning or returned at sundown. The merman tried to remember those songs so he could play them back to himself when he returned to his old shipwreck. Then he came close enough to see them. Sometimes they made him laugh with how clumsily they moved about on their legs, having none of the elegance of the merfolk. Other times, he had to admire the things they were able to do, jump and run and climb, while still looking so steady on their feet. 

One day, he came to the surface as usual, just as the sun was setting. The sky changed from blue to violet to gray, while gold and crimson clouds piled up on the horizon, like arms guiding the sun into the sea. A large ship was moored on the water, its masts and railings adorned with ribbons and lanterns, which shone in the gathering darkness like colorful stars. The sound of music and song on board drew the merman closer. Swimming to the cabin windows, he looked in through the glass panes. The inside of the ship was ablaze with lights, and many well-dressed people were moving about, talking, laughing, and dancing to the music played by a group of men. The merman stared at their instruments, fascinated. Some were similar to his own—which he learned was called a lute—and were played by plucking the strings or by dragging funny little bows across them. Others looked like conch shells and were played by being put to the lips and blown, just as the merman and his friends used to play as children, except the sound these instruments made was louder, clearer, and more melodious.

The music reached a crescendo. The crowd parted as a beautiful maiden walked into the room, and the merman forgot everything else. She had hair as gold as the sun, not the bright gold of the midday sun, but the sun when it neared the horizon and its rays reflected upon the waves like molten fire. Her eyes were as blue as the sky, as blue as a calm ocean at high noon. Her lips were as red as coral, only lovelier, for coral could not smile so enchantingly. A crown sat atop her head, though its glittering splendor added little to her beauty. She was a princess, who had lately been educated in a convent, and the celebration was both for her homecoming and her birthday.

The music started again. The princess began dancing with her guests, light as a feather floating through the air. The merman had never seen anyone, human or merfolk, move with such grace. Watching her through the wavy glass windows, like looking through water, he could well imagine the princess dancing at the bottom of the sea as beautifully as any of the mermaids of his home, even more so. Only she could never live underwater, just as he could never walk on land.

The merman did not know how long he stayed by the ship, lost in the music and the sight of the beautiful princess. Even after the revelry had ended, the music had stopped, the lanterns had been extinguished, and the anchor drawn up, the merman remained swimming alongside the ship, hoping to catch another glimpse of the princess. His perseverance was rewarded when a cabin window opened and the princess emerged, rested her elbows on the windowsill and gazed upon the open sea with dreamy eyes. The merman came closer on the back of a large wave, close enough that he could almost stretch out his hand and touch the railing. Oh, how he wished he could have played his music for her and talked to her! But he could not do so without giving himself away, and so he remained hidden amongst the waves, watching her.

A cold wind rose from the east, causing the princess to shiver and retreat into the cabin. Dark clouds appeared in the sky, wiping out the stars, and the waves loomed higher, throwing walls of water at the ship. The wind continued to rise. Lightning, brighter than even the fireworks, split the sky in half like a strike from the trident of the Sea King. The ship came alive again with light and sound, only now the noises were panicked rather than merry, as the sailors called to each other to reef the sails and brace themselves for the storm. The merman knew it was time he made his way home—the storm could not reach him deep under the sea—but he could not leave without being certain that the princess was safe.

The ship dived and rose on the raging sea, playing a terrible game of tug-of-war with the waves. Then the rain came, lashing at the merman's skin like spray after spray of sharp pebbles, so he no longer knew where the sea ended and the rain began. The wind screamed with the voices of a thousand sirens, but the groaning and creaking of the ship were just as loud. It could not hold on for much longer. Already, the merman had to swim under to avoid the flying beams and sails as the ship was torn apart, piece by piece. He had to avoid the people, too, for many were swept overboard and thrown into the sea by the rain and the wind. For the first time, the merman understood how terrified the humans must be to be caught in such a storm, and how cruel the merfolk were to feast on that fear.

With a terrible crash, the main mast of the ship snapped in half and collapsed over the deck, its weight throwing the ship to its side. Water rushed in. Some people tried to jump off the sinking ship, only to be swept away screaming by a large wave; others clung to pieces of the wreck and were pulled under with the ship. But of the princess, there was no sign. The merman frantically searched amongst the wreck, until a flash of lightning shone through the curtain of rain and reflected on something gold and white. The merman dived and swam between the wreckage, praying that he was not too late. At last, he reached the princess just as the gray water began to close over her face like a shroud. With a leap, the merman plunged under the waves and came up underneath the princess's quickly sinking body, pushing her toward the surface. The princess had gone inert, her beautiful eyes closed, her coral lips now gray, and if it hadn't been for a weak up and down movement of her chest, the merman would have believed she was dead.

Exhausted after battling the waves and the wreck, he set himself adrift, holding the princess close to him so that her head was above the water. It was the first time he had ever held a maiden in his arms—mermaid or human—but the merman was too anxious for the princess to feel any shyness. The water was freezing. He didn't know how long a human could survive such cold.

It was a relief when the rain abated and a pink and clear sky emerged from behind the heavy gray clouds. The sun rose, its warmth bringing some life back to the princess's pale cheeks, though her eyes remained closed. The merman wished he knew how to revive her, but alas, the merfolk only know how to drown.

Eventually, he spied land in the distance. Land means humans, and humans would mean rescue for the princess. Gathering up all his remaining strength, the merman pushed toward the half-moon of white sand between two rock outcrops. Green hills rose from the coast, and on top of them, a castle looked down upon sand and sea like a haughty queen. It was so early that there was no one about, or perhaps they were all too busy searching for remains of the wrecked ship to pay attention to this little bay. The merman laid the princess gently down on the soft sand warmed by the rising sun. Emboldened by the deserted shore, he remained by her side. Reaching out a tentative hand, he brushed back her golden hair, which was plastered to her white forehead by the salt water, so he could gaze upon her more closely and commit her lovely face to his memory.

As if revived by his touch, the princess stirred. Her blue eyes opened and stared deep into the merman's brown ones, while she lifted a hand and touched his face, seemingly to reassure herself that he was real. The brush of her fingers on his cheek, so warm and gentle, made the merman want to clasp that hand and bring it to his lips, but he didn't dare for fear of startling her.

At that moment, a shout went up from the shore. People came running down the hills, toward the bay. The merman hurried away in the water and hid behind the rock outcrops, to see what became of the princess. The people rushed to her, picked her up, showered her with questions and attention, exclaiming how fortunate it was that she had been washed ashore at the foot of her father's castle. The princess smiled and nodded at them, but as they led her away, she glanced back at the sea. Was she searching for him? Did she know it was he who had saved her? To these questions the merman had no answer, for the princess soon disappeared amongst the green hills, and he saw her no more.

The merman returned home and was met by his uncle, who was half-mad with anger and worry at his nephew's absence. The merman gave his uncle some feeble excuse about being caught in a wreck, not caring if his uncle believed him or not. His mind was full of the memories of the princess, most of all her touch, soft and fleeting as a whisper of the wind on his cheek.

After that, the merman continued his furtive excursions to the upper world with a fervency unknown to him before, hoping to catch another glimpse of the princess. Days went by without any sign of her. Perhaps she was hidden behind the castle's impenetrable walls, or even had been taken away to somewhere else. Then one day, he saw her riding along the coast, on the back of a horse as white as snow, her golden hair streaming behind her like the rays of the sun. She rode the horse hard, as if aiming to plunge it into the sea, only for the animal to draw to an abrupt halt by the edge of the water. The princess remained seated and looked out on the sea, her eyes searching the horizon for something only she knew.

A retinue of servants followed behind, calling out for the princess. With a sigh, she whirled her horse around to join them, and was soon gone again. In his hiding spot behind the rocks, the merman's heart leaped and stumbled, both from joy and from grief, for the princess had no idea he was so close by and didn't spare him a thought.

Still, he couldn't stop himself from returning to the bay again and again. Most days, the princess would be out riding. Though she was never alone, he could watch her from afar. When the weather was inclement, he would spend his day in his cabin, playing the songs he'd heard on the ship, trying to remember how the princess had danced to them, playing until his fingertips were sore, imagining that it was to the princess he was playing. The human world held more fascination for him than ever, and the princess was now the embodiment of everything he loved and wanted to know more about humans.

"Uncle," the young merman said one day, while they were working together, salvaging an old wreck for usable bits. "Has there ever been one of the merfolk who was able to live on land?"

His uncle gave him a stern look. "That is a child's question, boy," said he. "You're far too grown-up to be wondering about such things. You know it is impossible."

"But why?"

The old man scratched his balding, graying head, remembering. "Well," he began, slowly, "there is a legend about a mermaid who loved a man so much that she was able to exchange her tail for human legs..."

The merman looked up, eager as a child listening to a fairy tale. "What happened? Did she find her beloved? Did he return her love?"

"Some said yes," said his uncle. The merman's heart leaped, only to sink again when his uncle continued, "Others say the man betrayed her, so she cursed him to the depths for eternity. Don't you see, boy? A human can never love one of the merfolk. They fear us.  monstrous, disgusting." The old man snorted. "What do they know, anyway? As if those sticks they call legs were any prettier!"

The merman sighed. The princess hadn't looked at him with fear or disgust. There had been surprise and wonder in her eyes. But she didn't know what he was. Would she have responded differently had she seen his tail?

With his friends, the ones who occasionally accompanied him to the surface, the merman was more direct in his confidence. They didn't laugh or mock him as he was afraid they would. Instead, they told him that the sea wizard may have an answer for him.

Every man, woman, and child of the merfolk knew of the wizard. He lived in the deepest, darkest trench, far away from the other dwellings, where not even the bravest dared to tread. There were rumors that he captured other merpeople and made them his slaves. Only the very desperate or very foolish would seek him out. But the merman was foolish with love and quite desperate indeed, so he made his way to the wizard's dwelling.

He went to the edge of the village and dove down between two sheer rock faces, where no coral or seaweed grew. Only thick, slimy vines clung to the rock, their tips waving in the current. It became darker and darker, until even the pale light of the sea bottom was snuffed out. Blindly, the merman brushed against some of the vines and recoiled from their touch. They felt alive to him, not like a branch of coral or a leaf of seaweed, but like an animal, water snakes sniffing for prey.

Then a ghostly light glimmered from the depth, and the merman could see the trench widening into a clearing, in the middle of which stood a house made from the bones of the drowned, lashed together by more of those vines.

There was no living thing about, save for those horrible creatures of the deep, crawling over the white sand or hiding between rocks, with blind eyes and lights dangling in front of their heads to lure some unfortunate prey into their gaping maws. It was this light that illuminated the trench, reflected upon strange white flecks that floated in the water, like snow, which the merman had once seen during a winter excursion on the surface. He wondered if he should knock. Just then, the door opened slowly with an eerie creak of the bones. With a quivering heart, the merman entered.

The house seemed to be made entirely of vines on the inside, and the merman had to be careful to avoid them. They all seemed to be converging into one central point. Eventually, the merman found that center, which was also the center of the house, where the wizard dwelled—though it would be more accurate to say it was where he grew.

The wizard was old, older than anyone the merman knew. His flesh was so shriveled up that he appeared little more than a skeleton covered in desiccated skin. His left hand was strangely elongated, like he had coral branches growing out of his fingertips. But the most horrific sight of all was his torso. Instead of ending in a fish's tail, like all the merfolk, his torso blended with the vines. They climbed up his ribs, encircled his arms and shoulders, and reached toward his neck. It looked as though the vines were swallowing him up, or he was growing out of the vines themselves. The merman didn't know which was more horrifying.

Standing there with his eyes closed, the wizard was like a giant octopus sitting atop his many, many tentacles, or a spider sitting in the middle of his web, had the merman had any idea what a spider was.

The moment the young merman came near, the wizard opened his eyes. They were the same cloudy, blind-looking white as the sand at the bottom of the sea, yet the merman felt that the wizard could see everything, not just what was in front of him but what was hidden away as well. This was confirmed when the wizard spoke.

"I know why you have come here," he said. The wizard's voice was the sound of a ship's timbers creaking in the middle of a storm, of ice crackling on the surface of a winter sea, of the roaring waves that a drowned victim might hear right before the water swallows him up. It sent shivers up the young merman's spine.

"Do you?" he asked, trying to show that the wizard could not frighten him that easily.

"Of course," the wizard replied. "My little helpers have seen what's in your heart when you brushed past them, and they have told me." He stroked the vines lovingly, and the merman shivered again. The wizard continued, "You wish to go on land and walk about on two legs, so you may find the pretty little princess and make her fall in love with you. Young fool!" The wizard didn't laugh or sneer—the merman wasn't even sure if the wizard could laugh or sneer, having no lips—but his scorn was evident. "But I shall help you."

Hope and doubt fought against each other in the merman's heart. "How?" he asked.

"Swim to shore tomorrow before sunrise. Once you reach dry land, I shall cast my magic through one of my helpers. My spell will split your tail into legs, and you will become human."

"Is it so simple?" said the merman, astonished.

"Of course not. Such magic has its price. The spell will be agony, and the pain will stay with you as long as you remain on dry land—every step you take on your new feet will feel like your flesh is being torn by fishhooks. Are you brave enough to bear it?"

"I am," said the merman, thinking of the princess's sky-blue eyes and sunset hair.

"Think carefully," said the wizard. "For there will be no returning to the sea if you do this. You will never see your family or friends again."

For the first time, the merman hesitated. He thought of his uncle and how lonely the old man would be if he left. But then he thought of the princess once more, and of the world above the sea, and made up his mind.

"I accept it," he said.  

"And there's the matter of my payment as well."

"What is it?"

"Take one of my helpers with you to the surface. It has been so long since I last saw dry land." The wizard sounded almost wistful, and the merman suddenly remembered his uncle's tale about the man cursed by the mermaid he betrayed.

"Is that all?"

"For now. If you win a true love's kiss from the princess, your world and hers will be one, and I shall take my helper back and consider our deal concluded," said the wizard. "But if she pledges her heart to another, then you will become one of my helpers and forever serve me."

The merman stared at the vines wriggling and writhing about the wizard. He could detect scales and fins on them, like on the tails of the merfolk. Did this mean that the wizard really did take the merfolk to be his slaves? Had these vines all been, in their previous lives, those unfortunate or foolish enough to make a deal with him? The merman shivered.

"Also, there is something my magic cannot do," the wizard continued. "You may be able to walk on land, but just as humans cannot breathe underwater, you won't be able to talk in their air. You can scream and shout till your throat is raw and won't make a sound."

"But then how can I tell the princess of my love?" asked the merman.

"That is for you to figure out," said the wizard, impassively. "Do you accept these terms?"

"I do," said the merman.

"Then give me your hand, so I may plant my helper in it."

The merman extended a trembling hand, and felt a sharp pain as one of the tentacle-like vines stabbed him. The pain faded quickly, except there was now a dark shape in the middle of his palm, which beat with its own pulse, like a living thing.

"Put that hand into the water when you reach the shore," said the wizard, "so I'd know when to cast my spell."

The vines all shrunk from the merman as he returned to higher grounds. He wished he could have said goodbye to his uncle and friends, but he dared not, for fear that they might try to stop him from leaving. So he stole into his home, took his lute, and, after lingering outside his uncle's door for a moment, rose through the dark water, towards the surface.

He came to the little bay just as the sky began to lighten. Sitting down on the sand, the merman plunged his palm with the dark shape in it into the water. Pain shot through his hand, traveled up his arm, and down his body, and he felt his tail being cleaved in two. Was this how his father had felt when humans killed him, running him through with a spear like they were harpooning a whale?

The pain was so great that the merman collapsed. When he opened his eyes next, he saw, kneeling in front of him, was none other than the one he most longed for, the princess herself, with the sun in her hair and the sky in her eyes. The merman thought those eyes widened in recognition when she first laid them on him, but perhaps he had imagined it. She was looking at him with curiosity and concern, asking him who he was and where he came from in the sweetest voice. The merman opened his mouth to answer, only to find that he no longer had a voice. The princess looked him up and down. Then, her cheeks coloring slightly, she took off her cloak and draped it over the merman, and that was how he discovered his tail was gone, replaced by long, lean legs.

A commotion made them both look up. People were coming to the shore. Soon, the merman was hauled to his feet and led back to the castle. Every step he took hurt just as the wizard had said it would, but the merman bore it bravely, for it would keep him close to the princess.

But the princess disappeared with her ladies-in-waiting, and the merman was handed over to the servants. He soon realized that, as a man of dubious and no doubt humble origins, he was not permitted near the princes. It was only thanks to her kindness that he could stay at the palace at all. Seeing that he seemed to know his way around the sea, they assigned him to the barge master, who was in charge of the royal pleasure barge. The merman became one of the rowers on this barge. He didn't mind. It saved him from having to walk around on the unaccustomed legs and the flesh-tearing pain, and it allowed him to see the princess from afar as she went on sea excursions with her parents, the beleaguered king and the stern-looking queen, and her younger brother.

Often, on these excursions, the barge was filled with musicians, singers, and dancers to entertain the royal family. The sound of their music and singing echoed across the water, reminding the merman of the merfolk's own festivities. Yet for all their merrymaking, the princess looked rather bored. She would stand at the bow and look out at the sea, not paying attention to the music. The merman knew that he could play much more beautifully, but he was too busy rowing, and the barge master would shout at him if he left his post. Besides, the princess was always surrounded by servants, so there was no chance for him to be alone with her.

The merman was beginning to despair of ever making the princess look at him, let alone fall in love with him. He missed the sea. Dry land was heavy and hard compared to the weightlessness of the sea, and this upper world had so many rules, rules he did not understand. When he was not rowing, he had to work on the barge and other royal ships. He had to sleep in a tiny bunk by the jetty, surrounded by his fellow watermen. He was shouted at by everyone—the barge master, the other watermen, the servants—without knowing what he had done wrong. Their voices were harsh in his ears. It hurt him, more than the pain in his legs, that these humans, whom he had looked upon with such affection and admiration, had no love in return for him.

Only at night, when there were no boats to row or to clean, did the merman have a little time for himself. He would totter on aching, unsteady legs to the edge of the jetty, bathe his burning feet in the cold seawater, and play his lute. Now he no longer played the songs he'd heard on the ship. He played the songs he'd made up himself, songs of the sea and its depths, to ease the longing in his heart.

One night, as he was plucking away at the strings, the merman heard a soft rustle behind him. Turning around, he saw the princess tiptoeing toward him, as if her own feet were hurting. The merman was so shocked that he dropped his lute, which made a discordant sound as it fell.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," the princess said, rushing forward to pick the instrument up and handing it back to him. Their fingertips brushed lightly across each other, and the merman felt as though he had been touched by the gentlest sea breeze.

The princess sat down next to him and bid him play again. The merman was all aflutter. For so long, he had dreamed of being alone with the princess, and now here she was, and he didn't know what to do. A fresh perfume, like that of the flowers of this upper world, unlike anything he'd ever smelled underwater, seemed to emanate from her very being, making him giddy. But she was speaking to him with such a gentle voice, and her blue eyes were looking at him so expectantly, that he soon forgot his nervousness. He picked up the lute and played the song he'd made up after seeing the princess for the first time. The princess sat and listened, her head tilted, a little smile teasing the corners of her rosy lips. Once the merman finished, she clapped her slender hands together in delight.

"It's lovely," she said. "Is it a song of your home, where you came from?" The merman nodded. "Where is it?" she asked. "It must be very beautiful, to produce such beautiful music."

The merman looked out over the water. Was it really beautiful, his home beneath the sea? When he lived there, he hadn't thought much of it. Only now, after he had left it, that he learned to appreciate its beauty. He sighed wistfully, and the princess sighed as well. "You miss your home, don't you?" she said. "I hope you can see it again someday. I hope to see it for myself as well." Then she stood up and smiled at him. "Thank you for your song."

After that night, the princess returned to the jetty again and again. She would ask the merman to take her out to sea in a skiff, going further than the royal barge ever did, and there, with the water beneath them and the night sky above, he would play for her the songs of his home, happy songs and sad songs, songs that spoke of moonlit nights under the sea, of sunrise over the foamy crests, even of storms and shipwrecks. The princess listened to them, her head tilted attentively as the songs brought both smiles and tears to her face.

When he'd first seen the tears streaming from her eyes, the merman had been alarmed, for the merfolk had no tears. But the princess had smiled at him and reassured him that they were tears of joy.

The songs even brought the princess to her feet, and she would dance to the sound of the wind and the waves, as beautifully as the night the merman first saw her, her hair turned silver by the moon and her eyes sparkling with starlight. Sometimes she would tug at the merman's hands, urging him to join her, and he would happily oblige, forgetting the pain in his feet for the happiness of seeing her smile.

"I'm not supposed to go this far out to sea," she said one night. "I was in a shipwreck once, you know. I nearly drowned." The merman nodded. The princess had no idea how well he knew the story. "Ever since, my parents are terrified and insist that I stay close to shore. But I'm not afraid of the sea. I wish I could sail all the way to that horizon and beyond, to see all the strange lands and strange people there. Alas, I cannot." The merman inclined his head quizzically. The princess sighed. "My brother is going to inherit the throne," she continued, "and it falls to me to make an advantageous match to strengthen the power of the kingdom. A princess is not supposed to go gallivanting around the world." And she looked so despondent that the merman reached out and took her hand in his.

She gave him a grateful smile. "You remind me of someone," she said. "Though I don't know if I really saw him or if it was a dream."

The more time he spent with the princess, the more the merman loved her. He was no longer drawn to her beauty alone. Now it was her kindness and gentleness that he loved, a kindness that made her so different from other cold, haughty ladies of the court, so different from her own mother, the queen. And he saw in her something he knew within himself—a deep discontent with her lot in life, a wild yearning for freedom and adventures. For her parents fussed over her brother, the little prince, the heir to the kingdom, and only saw the princess as a means to further secure the throne.

Soon there were whispers in the palace that the princess was set to be married to the prince of a neighboring kingdom, to strengthen the alliance between the two countries. The merman saw nothing of the princess for days, as she was kept in the palace for fittings of new clothes, while he and the other watermen were busy decking out a new ship in preparation for the upcoming nuptials.

The night before her betrothed was to arrive, the princess stole down the jetty to see the merman. Her blue eyes were filled with tears. The merman touched his fingers to her tear-stained cheek and then to her lips, a silent question in his eyes. She shook her head.

"No, these are tears of grief," she said. "For after the morrow, I can no longer see you, or listen to your songs, or go out to sea with you." The sight of her tears tore at the merman's heart with a pain worse than the agony in his legs. He wasn't thinking of his own fate then, only of her sorrow. The princess looked at him with those blue, blue eyes, and said, "If I asked you to take me to your home, would you?"

The merman's heart twisted. The princess didn't know that he came not from land but from the sea, and she would drown there. But how could he make her understand? He could only take her hand and squeeze it tightly. She pressed his hand between her cold, desperate palms.

"You're the only one that knows me," she said. "I wish—" The merman never found out what the princess wished, for a lady-in-waiting came down the jetty just then, and the princess jumped up and ran away, leaving behind only a lingering of her flowery scent.

The merman watched the sun rise over the sea with a heavy heart. The princess was to be married that evening, and he knew that the moment the sun went down, he, too, would go down into the sea, only it would not be a homecoming. He would turn into one of the vines and serve the wizard forever. It was a fate worse than death. He would rather end it all than become a mindless slave. Only one thing stopped him—if he should leave this life, he wanted to do so rejoicing in the princess's happiness. Perhaps her betrothed could be kind and compassionate, and would take her on adventures as she wished.

The prince arrived amidst flying banners and resounding cheers. At first glance, the merman had to admit that the prince was a good match. He was tall and handsome, with blonde hair shining under the sun like a gold helm, bright blue eyes, and an easy smile. Next to such a perfect vision, who could love the merman with his dark eyes and his mop of untidy dark hair? But as the procession rode toward the palace, the merman saw that the smile never quite reached the prince's eyes, which remained cold like the ice upon a winter sea, and when some children ran near his horse to wave to him, he lashed at them with his whip, sending them scattering.

The princess met her bridegroom at the front gate of the palace, her cheeks as pale as the day the merman had saved her from drowning. The prince folded her in a tight embrace, not caring how uncomfortable she was. Watching them through the crowd, the merman felt his heart breaking.  The bridal party went up to the big white church on top of the hills. Bells rang out to proclaim the wedding. They should sound merry, but to the merman, they were a death knell. He thought he could see the princess search for him before she entered the church, but amongst all the colors and noises of the crowd, she was soon lost to him, as lost to him as his home, his freedom, and his life.

With the crowd converging at the church for the ceremony, the merman made his way to the jetty. The sun dipped below the water, gold rays shimmering like the princess's hair. He would not stay to watch the princess pledge herself to another. He would not stay to watch the celebration, to hear the music and see the dancing that reminded him of the night he first set eyes on her. His feet ached, but a sharper pain pierced his heart. What aggrieved him the most was that he knew the princess would not be happy with her betrothed, yet he was helpless to free her, as helpless as he was to free himself. A gulf stood between them, larger than even the sea, deeper than the wizard's dwelling, and no magic could bridge it.

The piece of vine in his palm pulsed and throbbed, reminding him of his deal with the wizard. He would not wait for his death.

A wave rose, calling for him. He threw himself upon it, feeling it engulf him like the arms of the mother he'd never known. The throbbing in his palm deepened, reaching toward his heart instead of his legs, choking him. Was this how humans felt when they sank into the depths of the sea? Was this how it felt to drown?

Something wrapped around his shoulders and his chest, pulling him through the water. It must be one of those vines, dragging him down to the wizard's trench.

Then the merman felt soft hands upon his face. A fresh, flowery scent hit his nose. He opened his eyes and found himself looking into the princess's blue eyes, as blue as the sky above, as blue as the sea around them. She had jumped in after him.

"It was you," she said, gazing at him in surprise and wonder, just as she had that day on the beach. "The one that saved me. The one that I saw in my dream. Why didn't you let me know?"

And she leaned forward and kissed him.

The waves washed over them, pulling them down. The merman hardly noticed, for his whole world was now here, in her lips upon his, in her arms around him.

When he next opened his eyes, he realized they were drifting toward the bottom of the sea. He panicked, remembering that the princess could not breathe underwater, and tried to pull her up, but she only laughed.

"You've promised to take me to your home," she said. "Shall we?"

He stared at her, amazed. How was it that she was speaking and he could hear her? He noticed, too, that his legs had fused back into a tail, and the dark shape in his palm had vanished. The wizard's words came back to him then: A true love's kiss from the princess, and your world and hers will be one...

The merman's heart lifted with joy and gratitude. "Come," he said, taking the princess's hand in his. "Let me show you our home." And together, hand in hand, they swam through the blue waters, toward the farthest, deepest reach of the ocean, where all the beauties and wonders of the world awaited them.

THE END

[celestial-fairy-girl]

I'll never write it, but it's been on my mind for years and Ive seen a few posts talking about how everyone and their mothers have had a crush on Lucy at some point so -- here! My '"I Love Lucy" Club' fic-idea

Cana started the club on accident when she and Gray were talking and they both mentioned their respective crushes on the blonde.

She laughed and said they should start a club when they noticed how Natsu seemed to hang off the girl and the way Erza would blush when Lucy complimented her

It didn't actually become a club until Loke became Lucy's spirit and told Gray the other spirits fascination with the girl

The first meeting involved Cana, Gray, Erza, Loke, Virgo, Taurus (tho he was never invited to another session), Levy, and (surprisingly, but maybe not) Happy

Happy and Levy realized VERY quickly that they were the only ones in the group to not have an actual crush on the blonde, though their love for her allowed them to stay in the club

Natsu was NOT invited, because he'd blab the whole thing to Lucy unprompted

Hibiki came to a few meetings after the whole Nirvana incident

It was a shock to all the members when people Lucy fought started coming to the meetings as well

First was Mary of the Legion Platoon; Dan trailing behind with hearts in his eyes

Dan just gushed about his beloved "Lulu Pie" and how they'd get married someday

Happy laughed and wished him good luck

Flare, after the GMG's, was spotted in the distance a few times, nodding along whenever she agreed with someone about "Blondie"

She fully joined after the sun-village arc

Gray actually slowly left the group after Juvia joined the guild. He said that he'll always love Lucy like a sister, but he realized that's as far as his feelings went

Plus, if Juvia heard he was in an "I Love Lucy" club, she'd kill the poor girl

Brandish just showed up one day. She and Cana had a stare down and began trying to one-up the other

"Well I've bathed with Lucy!" "So have I!" "I can touch her boobs whenever I please!" "I enlarged them for my own benefit!"

They both, respectively, ended their little tiff when they agreed her hair was as soft as the clouds in the sky

Natsu accidentally stumbled into a meeting when he was trying to find Lucy at the guild

When Cana told him what the club was, Natsu was confused at first

"Uh, yeah? Everyone who meets Lucy loves her. I mean, how could you not? She radiates positivity and warmth and her smile's as bright as the stars at night and she's so soft and squishy and when she sleeps she has this little tiny smile that you really need to concentrate on to see but when you do it's easy to notice how at peace she is in her dreams and-"

They just let him ramble that whole meeting

Brandish took notes

After that Natsu was officially invited to join the club, which he agreed whole-heartedly

They made him sign a waiver saying that if he spoke of the club to Lucy, they'd sic Erza on him. And he was NOt allowed to fight back

So yeah! There's that. (and the way the fic was supposed to work was through the meeting journal that Levy wrote. So like different entries)

Also, just to add on: I have this headcanon that if Natsu overhears someone talking about Lucy he has to butt in and give his two cents. Usually it ends in him info-dumping personal things about her. Half the guild now knows Lucy once only shaved one leg in the bath because she nicked herself real good. Had to wear pants until her next bath

[delta-pavonis]

WIP Word Train + Tag Games

So I have gotten tagged a bunch of times in the past 40 days and I AM GOING TO RESPOND TO THEM ALL AT ONCE BWAAAHAHAHA. No, really, I have been a bit MIA from fandom, but I have been plugging away at a whole slew of fic across Dreamling, Jayvik, and Adrian/Olrox (Castlevania). There are going to be at least 5 WIPs represented here.

Rules for Word Train Game: tagger gives a word, then for each letter of that word you share a sentence/excerpt from your WIPs that start with that letter.

Rules for Tag Game: Post the last line that you wrote and tag someone for every word in that line.

Oh, and if you want to do this? CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED. Your word is BIRD. :D

First up, SMILE from the lovely @unpredictable-probabilities

S (How is this the hardest fucking letter to find what the fuck am I writing?!) From a Jayvik fic that started with a crazy idea that I posted about on BlueSky.

Sliding down the wet tiles to sit on the shower floor, Viktor wonders if he is going a little insane.

M From a future chapter of do i have to die to hear you miss me?

“Mmm, I don't remember any oaths in your daydreams of me that night.” Dream smirks as he sees Hob put the pieces together. “You could see… my daydr-,” his eyes widen, “Have you really known how I felt for that long?!” Then he blushes. “Oh, fuck, I think I remember some of the things I first fantasized about…” Dream stops Hob with a gentle kiss. “Sshhh. You thought nothing to be ashamed of.” He sucks at Hob’s bottom lip. “Actually, I think fucking you up against a wall is an inspired idea.” 

I From a WIP I don't know if I will every finish, but old mage Viktor goes back in time and talks to his younger self as another way to divert events into a better timeline. This is after the younger Viktor has taken his old self's advice.

If it wasn't for his partner’s strength Viktor would collapse to the floor in a heap. As it is, Jayce tilts his body to the side and pops up onto one knee, all while having a steel grip on Viktor's waist, so that he lands straddling Jayce's thigh.  Somehow their lips find each other immediately. It quickly becomes aggressive, more teeth than tongue, and Viktor slides his hand down Jayce's abdomen to the front of his pants and— The fine linen is soaked. And tacky.  Fuck. Jayce came in his pants sucking Viktor's cock. While hiding in the shadows of a door on a balcony outside some Piltie society party. And oh how that makes his spent dick twitch in interest.

L From the next chapter of ignition, my grad TA!Viktor/undergrad!Jayce fic.

Long fingers card into Jayce's wet hair and it helps ground him, makes him feel a little less like he is blurring at his edges.  “What do you want, miláčku? You can tell me.” Jayce buries his face into Viktor's neck and clutches at his waist.“I don't… it's hard to describe.” He concentrates on breathing. “I wish…” Another whimper, unbidden, as a wave of desire crashes into him again. “I want to touch you everywhere. I want to taste everything. I want to hear the different sounds that you make as I lick each and every inch of you. I want… I envy the water because of how it gets to learn every possible path over your body. I want to follow every drop with my tongue.”

E From a Dreamling+John Constantine fic that was borne of this Insta and @aralezinspace's pointing out that the first few lines I had written could be Keanu Reeves Constantine. Right now the WIP is just titled "Eiffel Tower of Hatred."

“Either you bid him come willingly or I go get him myself.” His voice booms around the room and Hob is half hard in his tiny shorts with how it vibrates the floor. “One of those options will be decidedly more pleasant.” Hob just stares at Dream for a moment and then shrugs helplessly. “Alright. I have no idea what you are losing your otherworldly shit about, but I will get him over here. And then you better explain what exactly is going on in that pretty eldritch head of yours.” He picks up his phone and dials. John answers on the second ring. “I’ll be disappointed if you are calling off tonight, sweetheart,” comes through the speaker. Hob pointedly ignores both the fact that Dream hissed again when John called him ‘sweetheart’ and the fact that it has only made him harder in his pants. “Requesting a change of venue. Can you come to my place? I’ve got an… issue… the needs working out. And it's better done here.”

__________________________________________ Next on deck, LENGTH from my darling @valeriianz

L Same Jayvik fic as the letter 'S' above...

Laughing breathlessly at his partner’s unabashed delight at being called ‘good’, he runs the fingers of one hand through Jayce’s hair. With the other, the one from which the panties still dangle, he cups Jayce’s jaw. “Yes. You did so well for me, Jayce. My dear, sweet pet. Would you like your reward?”

E Same Jayvik fic as the letter 'I' above, but a longer scene, because I really, really like this scene and I don't know if the rest of it will ever see the light of day. Takes place before the scene above.

Every instinct in his body wants to say no. He has absolutely no desire to be in front of any crowd, let alone that crowd. But then he remembers what himself-from-the-future said and swallows it all down. “Yes, we are.” Jayce had already started to walk away, anticipating his answer, and so wheels around to look at Viktor in stunned shock. “I will accompany you… as long as you don’t make me speak.” Very slowly Jayce lights up as he realizes what Viktor said. It is like staring into the dawn, bright and beautiful. And I caused that. Viktor feels warmth bloom in his chest. “Really? You will?” Viktor can't help but smile; Jayce’s unbridled joy makes him feel bold. “We’re not revealing the new hextech, so it isn't like I have anywhere else to be.” Jayce is still beaming at him. “Besides, you asked me.” The blush that colors Jayce’s cheeks makes the comparison to the dawn even more apt. The beauty brings Viktor to stillness when Jayce takes a step into his personal space. He looks up into that soft, glowing gaze and for a moment is absolutely convinced that Jayce is about to kiss him. But then his partner does something even more devastating. Jayce's hand finds Viktor’s wrist, the one not being used to help prop him up on the crutch, and slides down until he can tangle their fingers together. Viktor forgets how to breathe. “Partners,” he whispers, with a smile. Not looking away from Viktor, Jayce holds out his other hand. “Ms. Young, the speech please.”  Then, with a squeeze and a tug of their joined hands, Viktor finds himself being led onto the stage.

N From the upcoming chapter of wild horses:

“No.” Hob touches the side of Dream's face. “No doubt. I see it. I feel it. I hear it in your voice every night. I just don't understand why. How, when you could literally have anyone, you could possibly want me.”

G From a future chapter of do i have to die to hear you miss me?

“Gonna explore that,” he pants, more heavily than before, “later. Now, I want,” his teeth nip at Dream's skin, bright flashes of pleasure that spark down his spine and make him rut down into Hob. “To ride you.”

T From a sequel to you create me against your lips (aka Hellknight!Hob) inspired by this amazing art by @teejaystumbles

“The ruby was a vessel for some of my power. It held some of it apart from me.” He lets Hob process that himself. It only takes a moment for it to click. “And if I did the same… could I make myself powerless against you? For a short while?” “With only the ruby you could get most of the way back to how you were on that first night in the palace.” Dream gives in to his urges and nuzzles the collar, licks along the edge of it. That makes Hob writhe against him, hips rolling back, head tilting away to give better access. “And I could fashion a collar that could seal away the rest.”

H From the start of my almost-finished at close to 10k modern-day-setting-and-Netflix-canon-compliant Adrian/Olrox fic.

He rolls his head, straight black hair falling in a cascade to make an opaque curtain on one side of them, a way to prevent prying eyes. “Hello, little one,” the vampire purrs, curving forward again. He brushes their noses together and grins. “A club like this is not at all where I expected to meet you.” Olrox starts kissing along Adrian's jaw, down his neck, speaking in fits and spurts as he goes. “How many? Years? Has it been?”

__________________________________________ Last of the games from February, Last Line Tag from another author I fangirl for, @tj-dragonblade

You technically tagged me on February 21 and here is quite literally the last line I wrote on February 21, at 11:54pm. Viktor POV, from a Jayvik fic. Jayce is holding the edge of a drafting table.

He isn't going to let Jayce touch him until the poor thing has come at least twice, until his fingers ache from holding the edge so tightly.

__________________________________________ March brings me SMART, also from @tj-dragonblade

S Also from the next chapter of wild horses:

So Hob tries to extend himself some grace when, as he parks his bike in front of the four-car garage and makes his way up to the front door of the small mansion, he gets walloped with a wrecking ball of what is essentially sexual imposter syndrome.  “How the fuck did I get here?” He murmurs to himself, taking the walk slowly.  It isn't that he doesn't think he can sub in a proper scene—well, maybe it is a little of that—he just cannot get around the persistent ‘Why me?’ that runs in circles in his brain. Part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for this insanely gorgeous, sexually talented, wickedly intelligent, and sharply witty person to look in a mirror and realize that he could walk into any bar in the entire country, point to a person, purr in that velvet rumble, ‘You. I am going to fuck you,’ and only the staunchest of aces and most determined of lesbians would be able to refuse him. 

M From another Jayvik WIP I might never finish, a crossover with Dreamling that was inspired by some excellent observations by @academicblorbo, which means Viktor is Daniel.

Morpheus hums in confirmation as he steps up beside him. “Your integration with the hexcore will make you uniquely qualified–you have experience managing and guiding great power.” “Not successfully, I would note. We had to destroy it.” “And yet you have no doubt learned a lot from the experience. That knowledge will not be lost when you become Dream. Further, you have walked a land without dreams and therefore know their importance.”

A More Adrian/Olrox, same WIP as above, set modern day.

Adrian watches as Olrox thumbs open the button of his pants and sits up on his knees; now Adrian has to tilt his face up to make eye contact. The club’s lights flash behind Olrox, and with the lights immediately above them dimmed he is haloed in beams of neon pink and yellow, his hair shot through with streaks of blues and greens. Fuck, it is no wonder he is the favored of a god—they no doubt couldn’t resist him either. 

R From the 'Eiffel Tower of Hatred' fic mentioned above. Italics are John Constantine on the phone.

“Right.” He still sounds like he doesn't believe Hob for shit. “Be there in twenty.” Then he hangs up. Hob sighs and throws the phone onto his bedside table. Then he grabs his robe off the hook on the inside of his bedroom door and covers himself up. And fuck him if when he doesn't look to Dream and see disappointment in his beautiful face.  What is happening right now?! “Dream, what is going on?” Hob sits on the edge of his bed and motions for his friend to sit next to him. “Not gonna lie, the Lord of Dreams being judgemental about something like this isn't what-” “I am not. Judging. You.” Well, at least his voice has simmered back down. He sits and stares pointedly forward, not looking at Hob. “Your fantasies are your own. I only.” In a decidedly human gesture, Dream takes a deep breath and Hob feels more adrift than ever. “While the matrilineal line of Constantines has been useful to me over the years, John is one in a long line of male Constantines who are a persistent thorn in my side. And that he would touch you like that despite my mark is-” “Excuse me?!” Hob jolts. “Your what?”

T From the upcoming chapter of wild horses:

“There you are,” Dream looks down at him with an affection that stokes a fire deep in Hob's belly. “Warmed up and pliable. Like clay. With your permission, I want to cleave into you in a way you haven't experienced before. I want to push and pull and stroke and pry until I find the core of you. Until I can touch it.” A chaste press of lips that lingers before he speaks again. “May I? Mold you to my will?”

__________________________________________ And last, but certainly not least, leader of all five of us still cheering on the Alurox ship, tagged me in a last line game @ifishouldvanish

Of course, you get the very last line I wrote from my Adrian/Olrox modern fic. This is Olrox speaking, almost 10k in. XD

“Suddenly I understand the current vernacular of saying that a man has a slutty waist.”

__________________________________________ Literally as I am wrapping up this post, @seiya-starsniper hits me with FANG and I just have to. XD

All from the Adrian/Olrox fic. All short to keep SOME of it not posted here. XD

F

Finally Olrox is fully seated and the vampire collapses back against Adrian, chest heaving. He brings a hand up and twines his fingers with Adrian's where they are pressed below his navel. 

A

Adrian looks down and sees Olrox's cock straining inside the confines of his pants, tilted to one side, lifting the top of the waistband off of his skin a little as it strains the vinyl. “Look how hard you are for me,” he whispers into Olrox's ear, “You think I could make you come like this? My hand on your throat and my cock filling you up and my voice in your ear?”

N

“Nngh,” it is like Olrox groans at Adrian asking him to think. “Perhaps they think they can fuck me better?” 

G

“Go on,” he holds Olrox’s gaze as he pulls the chain out from his belt loops with a loud metallic clattering. “Tell me.”