#and im constantly torn between wanting to completely isolate myself and rot in bed all day every day to avoid saying something
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i really think i might have an anger problem the frequency with which i lose my entire mind over something and then 5 minutes later im like wait. it was never that serious :3
#i think it's a fight response from growing up in an unstable household#and it's like im projecting onto stuff which really does not matter in order to avoid processing real emotions about real shit#idk what to do tho lmao i cannot afford therapy atm and I've exhausted all the government sponsored options#contrary to popular belief we do not have universal healthcare in the Netherlands and i think my insurance no longer covers a lot of stuff#since i turned 27#ive been talking to my student psych recently and that's been helping a bit but i only get to see her like once a month 😭#i need a job so i can fix my mental health but i need to fix my mental health so i can get a job#or there's a secret third option of course but i think im really too much of a coward for that#and im constantly torn between wanting to completely isolate myself and rot in bed all day every day to avoid saying something#unintentionally hurtful. but then i know i will not improve if i socially isolate myself#i have not been in a conundrum this bad as far as mental health goes ever in my life gang it's serious I'm afraid
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