#and it is not something to be ashamed of
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helena eagan who grew up wanting for nothing but at the same time truly wanting nothing until she watched her innie receive the affection she spent her whole life trying to earn. helena eagan who stepped into her innie's life because she wanted to know what it felt like to be loved with no strings attached. helena eagan who tried so hard to be the woman her innie is - who crawled through a tunnel full of goat shit to help mark find his outie's wife, and tried to console irving before his trip to o&d, and laughed openly and freely with the refiners around the campfire on a snowy night - but in the end just couldn't pull it off. helly was never cruel. sometimes the poison drips through.
#helena eagan who admitted in the quiet warmth of mark's embrace that she's ashamed of who she is on the outside#but she doesn't want helly's life either. she wants the perks without having earned them.#something something every word is truth but what is real.#severance spoilers#severance#helena eagan#helly r#britt lower#emmy for ms lower NOW#boa talks severance
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more of karlach's coffee shop which isn't just an excuse to draw more shadowlach
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#karlach#shadowheart#shadowlach#i'm being abnormal again someone come and get me#something i'm ashamed of. i would HATE a karlach hug#one of my exes was like a furnace and IMPOSSIBLE to share a bed with#this is devastating
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Teaboot, you cant be eating your spaghetti out of ziplock bags
give me one legitimate reason why, if I know that I will not be able to wash a tupperware container before it is irredeemably ruined, and posess within myself an incapacitating aversion to my kitchen sink, and knowing that I do not give a cubic ounce of a shit what strangers think of me, I should not transport cold spaghetti in a ziplock bag for mine own consumption
#I am a creative problem solver with unique needs and I will not be made ashamed#Lol#Actually tho I really do need to get cardboard boxes or something#That one doesn't count cause I thought of it already
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Danny knew that this job was too good to be either true or not illegal.
But fucking hell does it pay well.
So he was only a little ashamed with himself as he stands between Batman and one Mr. Freeze.
He knew why he was hired, the look Victor gave him when they did the first interview was enough for Danny to know that the mad scientist knew a little too much about his powers.
He had wanted to just say fuck it and dip, but then Victor told Danny about Nora...and we'll if that didn't get him on the man's side then the fat wad of cash was the real closer.
(He was a poor law school student with more debt than even Sam's credit card was allowed to clear, how can he say no to 1k an hour?)
One thing lead to another, and it seemed that Danny was a willing accomplice to Freezes plan
Which might now include tearing a hole in dimensions to get to the Far Frozen because a certain yeti doctor knows a fuck ton about the disease that Nora is suffering from.
Now if only Batman would stay down long enough for Danny to explain all of this...
#batman#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny fenton#bruce wanye#my man is hashtag struggling#bruce is trying to stop Mr Freeze from tearing a whole in space but is struggling with this ice based meta that keeps on trying to pin him#danny is trying so hard not to break the Bat since both Sam and Tucker like one of his kids#Victor is so fucking ready to open a portal#he thinks this is the best science he has done for a while#plus this could cure Nora for once and for all#possible Spirit Halloween#i think its funny to have like 40 year old Bruce being ashamed that 20 something Danny is doing something for him#also Danny is in Law school to make sure shit like the Anti ecto bill cant happen again#i am thinking he is currently trying to focus on meta rights#and to get ghosts under meta rights
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Fake, facsimile, forgery.
#jentry chau vs the underworld#jentry chau vs the underworld spoilers#jentry chau#jcvtu#kit#HEEHEE. I LIKE THIS SHOW#willow draws#put a surprising amount of effort into the pose symbolism on this one#his human form is ashamed and tries to hide his true form's face. but this makes him unable to see the soul he already has#his true form cradles his human form like it's the only thing that matters#which sorta gives off the vibe that they're scared of the soul. of what it would mean to have it and face the same rejection#that misery sorta spinning itself around into a twisted sense of single-minded self-preservation#because at least if what's wrong with him is something external it's something that can be 'fixed' etc etc#um haha anyways what were we talking about?
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[Science AU] One of my many ideas for when Prowl takes off Brainstorm's collar thing
I was thinking about providing more context but I think I'll leave this one a mystery BAHAHA
#yes I do post my rough drafts for fun and no I am not ashamed or afraid of changing bits and pieces of story (affirmation 2 self)#plus its something to do while I work on the pitchdeck I love to visualize things#tf science cont#transformers#my art#maccadam#tf prowl#tf brainstorm
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man I would get kicked out of any queer-friendly space so fast if I talked about tgirl tits the same way some people talk about bottom growth
#saying this as a transfem with homegrown tits: stop talking about bottom growth like it's something to be ashamed about#“well it's gross :\” so what who cares shut up#transgender#transandrophobia#transmasc#trans man#transmasculinity
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High fic with hamzah?


a/n: writing this fried as fuck so it only seemed right xxxx thank u for the req :’) also first time posting smut im terrified (its written in the way i enjoy smut so no vulgar words, moreso descriptions i guess?? idk pls im ashamed lowkey.) and its long as hell ok ill stop apologising now. sorry
tags: friends to lovers, tension.
warnings: weed smoking, dry humping.
NSFW <3
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
you feel your eyes strain slightly as the smoke spills from between your lips, your gaze focused mindlessly on the orange tip of the joint. you’re sitting on Hamzah’s bed, your back resting against his headboard. you and him had been friends for a while now, but it was starting to become harder for the both of you to ignore the blatant attraction and tension that lingered between you. the suggestive tones curling around every word, the glances that last a little too long. it was evident in everything, but you both seem to keep skirting around it. tonight, it feels heavier. hamzah had called you earlier, his voice laced with something softer than usual, asking if you wanted to come over and smoke. you didn’t hesitate. now, the two of you exist in easy silence.
hazily, your attention drifts across the room. Hamzah is sitting in his desk chair, hunched over slightly as he edits a video on his computer. the screen is the only strong illumination in the otherwise dark room, the blue-ish light reflecting off the glasses on his face. your chest rises and falls slowly as you watch him, your eyes flicking across his back. his jaw clenches and unclenches in focus, his fingers moving over his mouse mindlessly.
as if he notices your dwelling gaze, he turns his head over his shoulder to look back at you. another moment of comfortable, wordless silence passes as you simply stare at him, a sheepish grin tugging at the corners of your mouth.
“what?” he quietly asks, the ghost of a chuckle laced within the simple question. even from behind his glasses, you can tell his eyes have turned a little red, too, like your own.
you blink your eyes slowly, sparking the lighter in your hand a couple of times before shaking your head and shrugging. “nothing,” you mumble back, looking down at the lighter for a moment before back up to him. “admiring my view,” you add, your tone a little unserious as you sit up slightly.
he immediately returns his attention back to his screen, humorously shaking his head in disapproval. the sound of his mouse clicking is echoing throughout the silence once more. “don’t say that,” he stoically says, “ew,” he adds, but you are quick to catch the tiny twitch of a grin tugging at one corner of his mouth.
you can’t help but puff out a laugh, knowing how quickly he cringes at comments like that. silently, you relight the joint, your throat and lungs contracting slightly as you inhale. “you almost done?” you ask, your voice soft as the smoke billows out along with your words.
he doesn’t respond immediately, humming instead. “yeah, just need to-” he starts, cutting himself off as he clicks around on his screen before continuing his sentence, “cut these clips a bit more…”
a slightly dramatic sigh falls from your lips as you place the joint on the ashtray on his bedside table. “well, you better hurry up, or there won’t be anything left for you to smoke,” you reply, your words carrying a teasingly taunting tone.
he clicks his tongue in response, still keeping his eyes focused on the screen. “don’t you dare,” he mumbles, his mouse now moving faster across his computer as you amusedly continue to watch. he takes another five agonisingly long minutes to finish up, turning his monitor off before sliding the desk chair back and getting up. in the now mostly dark room, he stretches, his bones crackling a little, a soft groan eliciting from his throat. you look up at him through half-lidded eyes, the same sheepish grin still on your face as he sluggishly pads over to the bed. “scoot,” he mumbles, scratching his hair and waving his hand for you to move to the other side of his bed.
you do as he says, moving over to make room for him, your movements a little slower and heavier than usual. the mattress dips beside you, his body plopping down on where you had previously been sitting. a deep exhale passes through his lips as he sinks deeper against the pillows, shifting to get more comfortable. your eyes feel heavy as they seem glued to him, tentatively watching his every move. his fingers reach for the joint resting on the ashtray, taking off his glasses with his other hand. he looks at the joint for a second, before sparking the lighter, the orange flame illuminating his face in the dark room. you swallow sharply, taking your bottom lip between your teeth and lolling your head back gently against the headboard. hamzah’s yet to notice your shameless staring as he takes a long drag, inhaling before the smoke billows back out of his nose and parted lips. finally, he turns his head your way, catching your gaze as it was already on him. he mirrors your movements, resting his head on the headboard as well.
the atmosphere in the room feels a little loaded, the tension between him and you almost palpable in the air, the effects of the marijuana only intensifying it. neither of you look away. his gaze flickers down for a second—just barely. it’s quick, but you catch it. the subtle drop of his eyes, lingering just a second too long on your lips before they snap back up to meet yours.
inhaling sharply, you move a little closer, teasingly placing your hand on his upper thigh as you lean over him, reaching for the joint he had laid back on the ashtray. he flexes the muscles in his thighs in reaction to your touch. your head feels fuzzy, your eyelids strained as you relight the tip, staying in place instead of moving back to your previous spot on the bed. the smoke passes through your parted lips, the taste of the green plant lingering in your mouth before you turn to look at Hamzah.
his head is lolled back against the headboard as he watches you through low eyes, a lopsided grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. he shifts slightly as you keep your hand on his thigh, leaning on him to prop yourself up a little as you turn your body towards him fully. with your blood-shot eyes, you keep them locked onto his own, taking another drag before tentatively leaning closer. he watches with anticipation as you stop inches in front of his face, blowing the smoke against his parted lips teasingly. you flip the joint around in your fingers for him to wrap his lips around the end, but he doesn’t react for a moment. he seems to contemplate something, his chest rising and falling slowly as he blinks at you.
wordlessly, he gently moves your hand away from his face, taking the joint from between your fingers and placing it on the ashtray. “c’mere,” he then mumbles, shortly nudging his chin upwards. his hand gently traces up your arm and into the crook of your neck, his fingers lacing in the hair at the back of your neck. you feel your chest flutter slightly at his soft command, watching gingerly as he tugs your face closer to his.
teasingly, he ghosts his parted lips against yours, grinning to himself. he juts out his bottom lip a little, an airy exhale rolling off your tongue as it touches your mouth. you move your head to the other side, trying to find a way around his teasing, but he doesn’t immediately let up. instead, he removes his thumb from the back of your neck, carefully tracing it along your jawline until it reaches your bottom lip. he pads the finger across the soft, slightly damp skin. you can’t help but stifle a sigh, placing your other hand on his chest gently. a little frustratedly, you curl your fingers into the fabric of his shirt.
he notices your frustrated gesture, biting back a light chuckle. his free hand tugs on your thigh, guiding your body to straddle his lap with heavy and slow movements. he exhales against your parted lips once more, teasing the tightened tether of tension carelessly once more before finally giving in.
your hands slide up to his neck, your spine arching slightly as he gently presses his lips against yours. the dense haze in your head lifts just a little at the feeling, the hand that isn’t curled into the hair at the back of your head moving up your thigh and under your shirt. you inhale sharply against his mouth at his rather cold fingers stretching across the warm skin of your bare back. he applies a gentle pressure, pushing you down onto him a little. his eyebrows furrow, his heavy eyes fluttering shut at the friction. in response, you gently dig your nails into the back of his head. shivers continue to roll down your spine as he keeps his cold hand there, absentmindedly guiding the way you’re moving.
you pull a hand through your hair, moving it out of the way, never breaking the kiss. something about the effects of the weed seems to make every touch, sound and move feel like a breathtaking bliss. a low, soft exhale tumbles from his throat, strangling into a whiny, barely audible moan. “fuck,” he curses against your lips when you roll your hips, just barely, experimentally, and a sharp inhale cuts through the space between you.
his fingers dig into your waist like he’s attempting to ground himself. his breath shudders as your hips roll over him again. his head falls back against the headboard with a quiet, broken sound—something between a sigh and a whimper. you can feel the tension in his body, the way his muscles go taut beneath your hands, the way his grip on you wavers between restraint and desperation.
“f-fuck,” he repeats, his voice thin and unsteady. he’s already unraveling, his chest rising and falling faster as his hands twitch against your skin. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this—so quickly undone, so easily wrecked just by the slow grind of your hips, the teasing drag of your fingers up his chest.
you curl your spine slightly, leaning down as your lips ghost over his jaw, trailing down to the side of his neck, where you press a single, deliberate kiss to the warm skin just below his ear. his whole body tenses beneath you, a shaky, barely-contained whimper tumbling from his lips.
“please–,” he starts, but he can’t seem to finish the sentence. his hands flex on your waist, his eyebrows furrowing deeper, his voice soft and whiny.
you hum against his neck, the vibration making him shiver. “please, what? hm?” you murmur, your lips brushing against his pulse point, pressing a deep kiss there.
he swallows hard, his breath coming in short, uneven gasps. “don’t… don’t stop,” he stammers, his voice catching on the words. His fingers twitch against your skin, restless, desperate, barely able to even guide your movements anymore.
you pull back just enough to look at him, your gaze flickering over his face. his lips are parted, slightly swollen from how hard he’s been biting down on them in an attempt to be quieter. his pupils are blown wide, a deep furrow in his eyebrows. he looks wrecked already, and you’ve barely even touched him.
you tilt your head slightly as you listen to his quiet plea, making the coil in your lower abdomen tighten. your fingers tentatively trace the hem of his shirt before slipping beneath the fabric, dragging your nails lightly up his stomach. his breath stutters at the touch, and when you press them down slightly, just enough to make him feel it, he lets out a high, needy whimper.
his hands shoot up, gripping your wrists like he’s trying to stop you—but his hold is weak, like he doesn’t actually want you to stop. “wait… wait,” he tries, his voice barely above a whisper, breathy and shaking, giving away he doesn’t want to cum so quick. his head tilts back, his eyes fluttering shut. his chest is heaving as you curiously halt your movements.
you lean in again, pressing a slow, open-mouthed kiss to his collarbone. “you’re so sensitive,” you murmur against his skin, and the way his breath catches, the way his thighs flex beneath you, tells you everything you need to know. you gently continue moving, bringing back the friction that was making him writhe underneath you. his taut muscles immediately melt again under your body, a whiny exhale falling from his parted lips.
“y/n–...” he tries to speak, but your name is quick to die in his throat when you grind against him again, slower this time, more deliberate. his hands clench and unclench at your sides, his breathing turning into short, hitched gasps. his voice wavers, and then he lets out a soft, whiny moan that makes your pulse spike. you watch as his head turns to the side, his skin burning, like he’s embarrassed by the sounds slipping out of his mouth.
but you don’t want him to be quiet.
tilting his chin back toward you with a gentle hand, you hover just inches from his lips, your thumb brushing against the corner of his mouth. “don’t hide from me,” you murmur, your voice softer now, coaxing, suggestive on the shell of his ear. “I want to hear you.”
his breath shudders, his grip on you tightening for a split second before going slack again. another curse word tumbles from his lips, his head dropping forward, his voice coming out in airy whines. “fuck… i’m, s-so close,” he stumbles over his whispered words, his chest heaving.
you watch him, your own breath catching in your throat now, too.
he lifts his head again, messily searching for your lips with his own, breathing raggedly. his grip on you is tight; harsh, almost as you continue rolling your hips, feeling how he pushes his own hips up every now and then. his whole body is tense, caught between pleasure and overwhelming sensitivity, and the way he’s looking at you—dazed, unfocused, his eyes dark and heavy-lidded—only spurs you on.
your mouths sloppily connect once more, and you can tell he’s struggling to focus.
hamzah is trembling slightly beneath you now, his breath coming in short, uneven gasps as you keep moving against him, your nails roaming his back with deliberate slowness. his head tilts back, exposing the long curve of his throat, and the soft, desperate sounds spilling from his lips are enough to send heat pooling low in your stomach.
“i cant h… im gonna–,” his voice breaks on a whimper, the muscles in his thighs going taut, a string of loud moans following his cut off words. you watch with parted lips as his head drops back against the headboard. his expression contorts with the overwhelming ecstasy that thrills through all of his nerve endings, your nails digging into the skin of his chest as you feel the muscles in his stomach contract and release in rhythm with his whiny moans. they slowly grow softer, and you bite back a brief chuckle as you feel a growing, warm, wet spot in his pants underneath you. his hands slide down from your waist to your hips, his chest still rapidly rising and falling. he keeps his eyes closed for a moment longer, seeming to relish in the sensations pulsating through his body.
you swallow sharply, deliberately shifting a little on top of him, causing him to wince a little at the overstimulation of the sensitive area. he lazily opens his eyes into yours, his lips a little puffy and glistening as he keeps them parted, his panting slowing down slightly. his eyes are still a little unfocused and hazy as he flickers them across your face for a moment, a glint of endearment in them. he then drops his gaze down to his crotch, groaning a little. “look at this fucking mess,” he mumbles, also noticing the wet spot in the fabric, along with some of it splayed out on the skin of his stomach where his shirt had moved up.
a breathy chuckle falls from your lips as he looks back up at you. “why would you make me ruin a perfectly good pair of sweatpants like that?” he asks jokingly, his eyes still half-lidded as he amusedly gazes at your state; a pink hue on your cheeks, lips puffy and damp, eyes heavy and your hair a little disheveled. he carefully wraps his arms around your waist, craning his neck so he can comfortably press a sweet, simple kiss on your mouth.
you shrug playfully, grinning into the kiss. “my bad.”
#hamzahthefantastic#slushynoobz#hamzah#martin and hamzah#hamzah fic#hamzah imagines#hamzah x reader#slushy noobz#hamzah smut#hamzah x y/n#hamzah imagine#slushy virus#SORRY for the abrupt ending i was too ashamed to continue i need to see a priest or something
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"I HC that Viktor beats Jayce with his cane in arguments" good hc ngl I laugh everytime I think abt this,
but consider: Jayvik don't ever gets in arguments, not because they are the "perfect couple", its bc everytime Viktor gets mad or upset Jayce immediately says sorry.
HE DOES IT A LOT IN THE SHOW THIS MAN WONT STAND UP FOR HIMSELF IN ANY MOMENT. He sees his man is mad at him and he IMMEDIATELY reconsiders every choice he made, Viktor says, he's doing.
Also Viktor takes advantage of this bc he is a asshole (In a non-toxic way)
#jayce league of legends#jayce talis#viktor x jayce#arcane jayce#arcane viktor#viktor#viktor arcane#jayvik#Viktor sometimes says dumb things on purpose to make Jayce want to start to argument#but SOMEHOW he makes himself right in the end#just bc Jayce doesnt want to make Viktor upset#Bc Viktor is coming with the cards of “nono#of course the POOR#DISABLED#and obviously#DUMB undercity boy is wrong#But you do you#“Man of progress”#and then Jayce is just too ashamed to say something more#Do not worry he treats his wife right#Jayce deserves love as the same amount of embarassement
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#artists on tumblr#star wars#star wars the clone wars#tcw captain rex#tcw commander fox#doodleday!#sketch#I demand justice for Fox#I demand justice for clones#Can they live normal life pretty please?#(you don't need to read all that text. it's unreadable even for me. just imagine something)#(sometimes I feel ashamed for not doing doodles better than this. But it's doodles. It's their point)
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"I love you, Zevran. I hope you know that."
"Yes... Yes, I know that."
— commission art by @sinizade, posted with permission
#***i want to clarify I commd this art from sinizade and this art is not my own!! please go follow them and comm them if you can!!#Something I commissioned in 2023 by the lovely sinizade! One of my fave pieces I've ever commissioned (still my background on my computers)#I could have gone for the classic 'In truth for the chance to be at your side I would storm the Dark City itself. Never doubt it' quote#which is honestly why this has been sitting in my drafts for so long. but this quoate is so simple and soft... i love it. and i love them!#anyways i too have the DAtV fever so ill be resharing some comms I've had done over the years :)#zevran#zevran arainai#zevran x warden#zevran x aeducan#warden aeducan#aeducan#da oc — riryn aeducan#also yes the ref is from tangled im not ashamed#dragon age#dragon age origins#commissioned art
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guys 4 days til full release and I cant handle it. I was sketching big sketch page cause CHRISY HOW DO YOU GET SO MANY DESIGNS SO PERFECT GENUINELY NOT A BAD CHARACTER DESIGN IN THIS GAME IM SO EXCITED IM CLAWING AT THE WALLS IM BANGING ON THE DOOR THE DORIAN LEY ME INNNN
How is.... how is Hector positioned? in the vent? Im personally under the assumption hes laid down kicking his feet n shit cause thats what a yearner of his caliber would do but im open to suggestion.
im overcoming embarrasment cringe is fake cringe is fake cringe is fake im already weird I can be weirder WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TJE PIRATE ACTUALLY HES GOTTA BE MY TOP 5 CHARACTERS WHAT A FREAK /affectionately
Also stella wheres the stella love she was one ofbthe first I talked to and BRO. BRO.
#date everything#date everything hector#date everything stella#captain jacques pierrot#hector valentino airnesto condicionado#Also thats my self insert idk if that was obvious#hector.... hectors got me feeling some typa way YKNOW#like DAMN BRO something about how he talks jusy has me giggling its embarrassing#like actually embarrassing stop looking at me#also theres one sketch on this page im too ashamed of to share thats the hank 5 there I LOVE THE HANKS
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My contribution to the Marauders Cruel Summer Exchange!🖤
This project has been such a journey and I’m so excited to finally share it! Things took a little longer than planned (life happens) but it was so worth it to see everything come together in the end
I want to give a massive thank-you to Emma ( @emjayeingray ), the most patient and talented binder I could have hoped to work with. She made this process so fun, and her creativity and kindness made brainstorming ideas an absolute joy. She is a true gem and ofc the final binding is just stunning!
And, of course, thank you to @vellichorbindery for inviting me to participate in this amazing exchange.
For my part, I worked on the art on the cover and the little sketches printed inside the pages. Seeing it all bound so beautifully by Emma made all the effort so worth it.
Also a huge shout out to @mollymarymarie who wrote this masterpiece !!
#im sensitive today so if you say something like that i’ll probably cry in about 5 minutes just rethinking of this#sirius with tattoos#priest remus is here to save us#priest remus#im obsessed with a man (a little ashamed but it’s okay he’s fictional)#dear your holiness fanart#dear your holiness#fanfic#fanfic binding#so grateful to be a part of this project#fanart#sirius black fanart#tattooed remus#remus lupin fanart#art#marauders fanart#marauders
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YOU DON'T KNOW ME I DON'T KNOW YOU
#FINALLY I COULD DO SOMETHING#OH MY GOD MY POWERS ARE COMING BACK#animation tag#cass fanart tag#I'm ashamed don't look at me#rottmnt
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bro fuck it im workposting. i did illustrations, i storyboarded, i directed. I did many cool things in 2024 and millions of people all over the world saw em. that has to count for something
#brawl stars#marcia#i dont workpost because i am deeply aware nobody here is here for brawl stars but on god i#i work and i create and its real#and there is a part of me thats ashamed because i know that brawls is not. like its not league of legends you know?#league of legends is something you post about#about the skin you helped create or sculpted#or the splash art you painted#its has that... value that is obvious even in the eyes of a person who has never played league#its a very mature visual language that historically calls for respect#meanwhile presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher#even mentioning an illust i created for a skin announcement for brawl stars feels so#so dollar store#so laughable#like noone would take me seriously#it feels like when you say you're an artist and then a person asks to see your art#and you show them and they get that soft soft look in their eyes that informs you that they had an image of who an “artist” is in their hea#and that you did not live up to it but all they'll say is 'oh thats nice'#bro help me im doing art elitism to myself#how can i simultaneously believe that art can be anything and yet only neoclassical realism has real value#i want to be creatively free yet all i do is fear the unimpressed looks of strangers
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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