#and it would explain why the metatron is doing literally everything. HEAR ME OUT

[fearandhatred]

the funniest thing ever would be if my muriel is god theory becomes canon in s3. i think it would be genuinely hilarious

[dee-morris]

I Think We Moved on Too Quickly from Coffee Theory

Yeah yeah I know. But hear me out.

When I watched the season two finale the first time, I felt blindsided by it. From a narrative perspective it made sense, bc Neil Gaiman said that he needed to set up the situation that would make season three possible and okay yeah, that probably meant putting Crowley and Aziraphale in weird and different places. I got that. But from a character perspective it felt like a huge reversal from Aziraphale's behavior throughout season two, and of course that led me to look for outside factors that could have caused it.

After talking about it with Internet friends, reading lots of metas, thinking and discussing and watching the season over again, I decided that it wasn't necessary to believe that Aziraphale had been drugged. Most of what he said and did could be explained by careful study and analysis. Once you realize that Metabitch's presence in the bookshop is a veiled threat, everything else falls into place.

Nevertheless.

I definitely DO NOT Believe that Aziraphale was brainwashed or mind controlled by the coffee. His behavior during the Final Fifteen was frenetic, desperate, little bit manic. Definitely not the behavior of a mindless zombie. But nevertheless.

I still think that there was too much emphasis on the coffee for it to be a simple prop. Is it a literal macguffin or a symbolic one, that I'm not sure. I could see it either way. It might be just a symbol of the Sophie's Choice that Aziraphale had been presented with, or... There might have actually been something in the coffee.

The show makes a point of telling us that celestials can be affected by human poison. Almonds are symbolic in the Bible, and cyanide smells like almonds. Again, Aziraphale's behavior at the breakup scene was not that of a brainwashed person, but what if the Metatron TRIED something like that and it didn't completely work?

Aziraphale didn't want to follow the Metatron until after he drank the coffee. And even then he turned and looked at Crowley, and he didn't move until Crowley told him to go ahead. (Cue the Breaking Bad Walter Screaming in the Car meme) What if whatever the Metatron tried on Aziraphale only kind of worked? Just enough to make Aziraphale a bit dizzy and suggestible, but being close to Crowley mitigated the worst of it. That's why Metatrash needed to separate them.

Aziraphale is very clever, and if he knew he'd been drugged he would also know better than to let on that it hadn't worked completely. Cue the weird off-key phrases that are ALMOST in character but still pretty damn weird. "Heaven is the side of goodness, of light" my dude has NEVER said anything like that. He's said that about God, yes, but he's always held a distinction between God and heaven. Or "you're the bad guys" that's just WEIRD, that's a weird thing for him to say, and I will die on this hill. Even during their worst fights Aziraphale has made distinctions been himself and Crowley in terms of their job descriptions, but he's never made a moral judgement like that before, nor has he ever lumped Crowley in with the rest of hell. "They're the bad guys," now that would have made sense, and if it were anyone but Neil Gaiman running this shit I would think that it was a simple scripting error. But Neil doesn't make mistakes like that.

So Aziraphale plays along and tried desperately to communicate with Crowley that something IS VERY WRONG but our favorite disaster demon picks NOW to get in his feelings and ignore the clear and present danger standing outside the bookshop and staring at them. I'm pretty sure "I forgive you" is Aziraphalese for ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

Again, I don't need my version of Coffee Theory to be real to understand what happened in the Final Fifteen, but it's just an interesting little toy to roll around in my head. There's so much emphasis on that coffee in the show and even in the episode synopsis, I still think there's something about it that we haven't been told.

[aroacesofspades]

WHAT I THINK IS THAT UR SO RIGHT and I need to add on my thoughts to this bc they are all i think about literally all . my. thoughts. are just gomens and they are all sloshing around in my head mixing around like an ice-cream mixer. so.

first of all. ik the fandom is really divided on a bunch of theories and yeha I get why but tbh I'm not going to rule anything out YET simply bc the story we see is NOT the entire narrative and each theory is elaborating on this untold narrative BUT one that I will rule out is probably the coffee theory bc while yes I think that the coffee plays a part in SOMETHING but no j don't think aziraphale was drugged but SOMETHING HAPPENED W/ THE COFFEE and I would LOVE to know what.

yeah zira definitely doesn't want to go back to heaven but it's also hard to break cycles esp when u have followed them for 6000+ years (as we evidently see in the confession scene, WHICH WAS WILD but I'll get to that later lmao) and as u already mentioned he feels indebted to heaven and all i mean to say is.... i get it, damn.

also, I think timing has SO MUCH to do with the scene and maybe it's just the side of the fandom I'm on or smth but there is a significant lack in the amount of ppl talking abt the clock in the "no nightingales" scene like WDYMMMM "I don't hear anything" DO U NOT HEAR THE BASTARD CLOCK?? excuse my swearing but yeah. LIkE U SAID. there are no nightingales, but there is time, and idk... smth abt how this is going on when they're caught up in everything, so they don't pay any attention to the clock (which if we're going the time thing then hahahaaha that's a cruel metaphor)

but also, in a show where NOTHING is unintentional, y'all are really ignoring the huge clock in the background???? okay fuck the background, sound design really could've turned down the clock in the scene and They Didn't. and this says nothing for how we see the scene??? like I said, the ENTIRE conflict leading up to the final fifteen, is shown to us through a filter, now who is behind the filter?? whether that be the metatron, god, aziraphale or crowley or just Neil himself (it's left up to us, really) tbh it doesn't really matter, what DOES matter is that there are 100% things going on that we do NOT see, idk man, my point is that the gomens fandom places too much trust in neil (WHEN HE'S PERSONALLY SAID THAT ALL WRITERS ARE LIARS!!) that's all🤷

anyway I have no idea what I just said so let's move on from that💀

yeahhh the fandom seems to think that crowley will just LEAVE aziraphale to be. back in heaven. but unless the characterisation of crowley changes in the time it takes for S3 to be written, produced, edited and released; crowley is definitely pulling a "saving me makes him so happy" HIS FIRST PRIORITY HAS BEEN 'MAKE SURE AZIRAPHALE IS OKAY' for so soooo long that No Way he won't take the first opportunity to make sure zira isn't being chained in heaven's (maybe metaphorical) cells.

and there's also so much to explore abt the book of life that I can't even begin to explain the possibilities of. like it's such a broad concept only bc the show has just sort of... thrown the book around this season, there is nothing we can say for sure abt how it behaves in the context of the show apart from maybe "u won't just be erased from existence, u will never have existed" and that is what the fandom has highlighted in big bright neon yellow ink and it makes me wonder how far the show is willing to take this, ITS SO IMPORTANT AND WERE JUST LEFT GUESSING AS TO HOW. AHHH.

and back to the confession. AZIRAPHALE KNOWSS. or I think he knows Some of it. he has a brief understanding of what will happen and how to shape it into something that will present the best outcome (i.e. an outcome that doesn't result in him and crowley + the rest of humanity to be turned into heaven/hell's playthings and tossed in the big, dark -hopefully metaphorical- pit). he knows this bc he knows crowley better than anyone and he knows heaven (or again, has a brief understanding) better than many angels. he does something he's been doing for millennia; he goes with heaven, he goes to the already set 'i forgive u' he thinks this will be like any other disagreement they have ever had, that he will resort to saying smth that crowley cannot POSSIBLY counter and crowley will storm off and he will be safe. but NOO bc this is the ONE TIME crowley BEGS he tries everything he confesses and aziraphale has to go into the waters with Crowley, and do what he expects heaven would want, what he expects Crowley would never do, something that will SURELY work. he begs him to come "to HEAVEN........ as ANGELS.... TOGETHER!!!" we can be together!!! BUT IDK MAN NEITHER OF U SEEM PRETTY KEEN TO GO. so now crowley is gone, he's safe and zira can go with heaven. yayy, he'll have protected the one being that matters to him more than anything else, until heaven/hell ends all life on earth!!

any way people have interpreted the scene, in my opinion, is right but also wrong bc yeah like u said, nobody but the writers really 'understand' aziraphale.

on the split end screen, how likely do u think it is that it implies a body swap??? honestly the idea didn't occur to me until the fandom suggested it bc i had always assumed the body swap was a one-time thing but i do think it's entirely possible!!

red......... i am deeply scarred from that ending, rewatching it is like subjecting yourself to physical torture but how could you ever possibly watch anything else now???

anyway, sorry for this rambling lmao

hi sorry if im bothering u lmao but what are ur opinions on ofmd2 so far?? also what do u think will happen in ep8?? ik i already asked u a couple weeks ago but sm stuff happened in the season after that + i'm procrastinating a bunch of work i have to do:)

don’t worry youre not a bother! i love talking about shows i like so feel free to ask anytime :) plus this is an excuse for me to procrastinate as well lmaooo

i’m really enjoying this season, to see a show be so unabashedly and explicitly be queer, i ESPECIALLY loved calypso’s birthday for the izzy development and the drag and STEDE KILLING NEDLOW FOR INSULTING ED??? and seeing stede slam ed onto the wall is giving me MAJOR good omens s3 visions (leave it to me to make everything about good omens but…. aziraphale slamming crowley into a wall?? telling him to stop being so passive aggressive and then subtly asking if he can go for the kiss?? and then he does?? i see it so clearly)

AND ZHENG AND OLU !!!! episode 8 was great and seeing stede really be happy as a pirate in his infamy was great, but ngl i saw the miscommunication conflict coming a mile away (again, good omens has taught me well) though i do not doubt that they will be together by the end of the season. curious to see how they will wrap it all in only one episode though, i do think they’re aiming for a third season.

i love love love love the speech anachronisms they’re going for this season, it’s artistic liberty done right. usually people try to hide or mask the more inaccurate parts of their works, so seeing a show embrace them is so fun and it works SO WELL (i did i for the lolz + izzy singing a 1940s song are my favourites)

in any case, pretending ofmd is good omens au is my coping mechanism. i swear i’m still sane. what do you think?

[thegeminisage]

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean's weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean's dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference ("you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you're roma downey?")

references to real life phenomenon ("i don't wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice" "try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla")

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude ("easy there, van damme" "so i’m girl interrupted" furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of "chucklehead" "asshat" and on the nicer/endearments end "buddy" "pal" "sunshine" etc)

an idiom ("a snowball's chance" "if it smells like a duck...")

slang ("drinking the koolaid" "jonesing for some hooch" not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor ("power up your batteries" "fly me back to my page on the calendar")

a euphemism ("cloud seeding" "i'd have given you an hour alone with her first")

sarcasm (his habit of replying "peachy" or "super" when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire "vampirate" and "werepire" debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: "it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?")

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there's an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean's pop culture references, because the average viewer won't have seen everything he's talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don't understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that's because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going "what the fuck is WRONG with them?"

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn't help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean's mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he's talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester's way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental "dean winchester dictionary" and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he's telling dean that he can't understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean's tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean's jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says "it was a witch, not the tet offensive." since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: "you wanna just walk right into the death star?" cas: "what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?"). whenever he asks dean to clarify it's always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he's too annoyed to care. (dean: "i don't know who's on first, what's on second!" cas: "what IS second???") i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it's season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don't remember what season he started using "yeah" instead of "yes" but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don't think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that's something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what's true romance, fellas? it's falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he's ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[spn masterpost]

[bing-bang-bingo]

- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

[cassfcky]

So, I'll finally open up about the finale, it took me a while to understand what I felt. I loved it and hated, I think it's beautiful and a hate crime, but I'll explain it as I try to cope with this feeling.

Things that I loved about it:

Dean(in the beginning) being able to move on with all the lost and sorrow he had just experienced, to see him going on was nice, I mean we know he was sad, but he wasn't giving up on it, he was living for those wo died for him and I don't mean just Cass, a lot of others have died in the past for the brothers and to see Dean living for them was good, he finally made peace with himself and I loved it.

Sam(also in the beginning) also living his life, hunting, but we can tell(maybe I'm just hallucinating) they weren't so deep on the hunt thing and for me this was good, cuz Sam was also going to get what he wants a normal life with his brother you know?

Kripke and Singer being their agents aliases

Heaven rebuild in a fantastic way and I did liked to see Bobby at the roadhouse, this makes me wonder and dream about Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Pam and Ash altogether in it, joking around and having fun.

Cass being alive.

The case

The fact that they were helping brothers, that reminded us of them.

The parallels with season 1 such as

"I can't do this without you"

Dean's death being almost like Sam's first death (both "stabbed/impaled in the back and dying in his brother's arms.

Things I hated:

Dean's death: There's no reason for it, I know the show is about Sam's journey and his life, but Dean being alive it's not exactly a set back in his development. So you can say they have a strong co-dependency, but isn't clear that their story was written by Chuck? Their choices? So now without the a**hole they not necessarily need to go on with it, they can be loving brothers with their separated lives, they can hunt together without dragging the other down, they can live a "happy" life without the other dead, they can be free without the death of the other. The show has always showed us how they're "happy" living their lives when the other is dead, like Dean with Lisa while Sam was in hell, Sam and Amelia when Dean is in purgatory. But it also shows how they let go of all of that when they comeback and this is Chuck's co-dependency writing. But now that they ARE free, they don't need to do it anymore, they can live, they can grow even more, they can get to know themselves again as individuals and not as puppets fighting apocalypse after apocalypse.

They ruined their own ideal. The show is now, not only about the brothers, but how you can make family out of friendship(personal note: this is my fav thing about the show, cuz I don't have a good blood family and I made my own with my friends, so this one hits hard on me). The whole "family don't end in blood" situation was totally forgotten when Sam, alone with a dog, made Dean's funeral. And do I need to remind you all that Dean wanted it big?? With music, lot of people? No?? Ok. But let's say make it half big, where's Jody? Donna? Claire? Alex? Where's all of them?? I mean just the close one's you know? The one's who was there for them when they needed the most?

Where the fuck was Eileen? They killed her and got her back, they created a lovely arc for her and Sam, a healthy relationship, something good for Sam. And when Jack uses the gauntlet to bring everyone back she's not back? Like where is she? Still in the gem?? And okay, that blurred woman could have been her, but they didn't even mentioned her name once? Wedding picture?? What is that?? They could've done it, I know, it's a fucking 15 year old running show, one wedding picture so we could dream would be enough(I guess)

Castiel being mentioned twice vaguely. So, your best friend confess to you that he made a deal that in the moment he experienced TRUE HAPPINESS he would be DRAGGED to NOTHING and then turns out HIS happiness consist in him telling(not even having it back, just telling) you that he loves you and that he is changed because of you and uses this to SAVE YOU and you don't tell you brother(his best friend too) what happend? When you get to Heaven and you hear the news that his actually alive and helping you don't get to want to see him??? Like not even asks or say anything?? Or like when Jack became God why didn't he asked for Cass back? He asked Chuck for it, Chuck, but didn't asked Jack?? Like wtf?? Kid would've snapped his finger so quickly that Cas would show up in Dean's lap like wtf?? That doesn't make any sense.

The 15 years of character growth thrown away.

Other topics related to this event.

Dean's deaths that were more painful, sad looking and more meaningful than 15x20

Metatron killing him (9x23)

His deal (3x16)

Dean's death reminds me of pointless deaths and how they were unnecessary in the show.

Charlie: she wasn't that stupid to leave with a book that can be traced by a deadly family just because Rowena was annoying, that still makes no fucking sense to me. I cry every time I watch it cuz she deserved better, way better.

Crowley: like they literally killed him for nothing, he sacrificed himself for nothing, there was no reason other than hold back a little bit Lucifer and he could've done it without killing himself.

Cas's death remind me of how only the brothers matter and in the end only Sam was important, don't get me wrong I love Sam, but the show praised hope, faith in one another and in the end it was just one of them going, not truly happy as he could be and to me that's too sad, cuz not only Dean didn't got to live what he deserved, but Sam also had a half empty life, the person who raised him, that was with him through all the bad moments, wasn't there for the good one. The idea of Sam having survivor guilt because Dean lived to take care of him and as soon as he could finally live for himself he dies will forever hunt me, it's just too much, he did not deserved it.

I guess that what the show did with the end was destroy all of my hope, they destroyed everything they created, the love, the foundation of a family and having faith and hope. This show literally gave me all of this, the idea of "it's bad now, but if I don't give up, it will get better", but they took it all. No friends at your funeral, no brother on your side at your wedding day, no hope. Like Dean only had peace when he died, do you know how serious this is? How depressing is this? Sam lived in grief(and yeah grief doesn't stop you from feeling happiness, but what was the reason for him to live with grief?)

I mean why did they make us dream and believe in life if they were just going to say "well you can live hell on earth and get your win, but you're not gonna live enough to fully enjoy it."

The resume is that this ending was cruel, not good or bad just cruel. Cuz they won, but they didn't get to experience it. You know what would be heartbreaking, but good and coherent with their story?? If they had died defeating Chuck, their ultimate fight, they get to save everyone, but unfortunately not themselves. It would be great, sad, it would make sense. This one gave Dean the taste of a good life, a normal life, the glimpse of it and took it away from him, killing him in a barn, scared. But hey, at least he got to tell his brother that he loved him right?? That's a win!!

[mummybear]

Haunting His Dreams

Words: 2110

Warnings: Swearing (Of course), heavy drinking, mentions of major character death.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OC (Izzy)

Characters: Dean Winchester, OC, Sam Winchester, Mentions Of Metatron, Mentions Of Demon Dean

Summery: After Dean is cured of being a demon he finds that the love of his life has moved on from him and the bunker, things had been to painful for her after he died and she wanted out. How will he handle it? Will he ever see her again?

A/N: Okay guys so this is for @impala-dreamer‘s Make me feel it challenge. So this will be a two parter, so for this first part I chose the song Happier by Ed Sheeran (Link to song here)

It had only been mere weeks since the black had faded from Dean’s eyes, even less time since he’d managed to rid himself of the mark. Yet all the drinking In the world couldn’t drown out the pain he had from losing her, the day that he’d died he’d lost so much more than his life and his soul. 

When he’d woken as a demon, he quickly found out she’d left, he had buried it immediately. Behind other people’s blood, other people's pain and all the damn violence that he could inflict. After all, he couldn’t feel anything, not for the love of his life, not for his little brother Sam nor anything else for that matter.

The marks rage burned through his entire body, everything that made him who he was, it was still there, somewhere deep down inside him, but he just didn’t care. Instead as a demon, every bad part of him, every part that he didn’t want to have to admit to himself existed, was just amplified beyond reason but he liked it. There was part of human Dean that liked being numb, the demon liked the power, having no feelings to hold him back from doing what he wanted and needed to do at that time.

Then Sam had brought him back to the bunker, and he’d cured him. Everything he’d been fighting against, every feeling of guilt, pain and anguish rushed right back to the surface and hit him like a speeding fucking truck.  When he’d asked where she was, it was almost like he knew what Sam was going to say to him, even before he’d said it. Yet hearing it out loud, it was so much worse than he could’ve ever imagined, she was gone but only from the hunting life. Although from what they knew she was happy, managing to stay hidden so far as Sam knew. But she was alive at least and that was how Dean wanted her to stay.

There was no way in hell that Dean was going to drag her back into this life, put her in danger again, not when she was finally safe. No matter just how much it ripped him apart inside. And it did, every single second of every damn day. Like there was a black hole in his fucking chest, like a new wound opened every time he opened his eyes.

Of course, that was the other part of the problem. Every time he closed his eyes he saw hers staring right back at him, the way her smile would light up the entire damn room. Like nothing else he’d ever seen before. Some nights the only way he could get to sleep was to curl up in a ball and cry. He’d throw and smash things, punch and kill things but nothing helped, not even a little bit, not even for a second. He’d tried to hide it from Sam, but if anyone knew Dean better than he knew himself it was his brother. 

So, every time he left the bunker, he’d made sure to at least have a flask with him, it didn’t even matter if it was the cheapest shit on earth anymore, literally anything to block out the pain. Pretty much any and all feelings really. He just couldn’t think about it anymore, his old life. But the main reason was that he couldn’t think about her anymore. Who she was with, what she was doing. If she was missing him as much as he was missing her, if she ever thought about him anymore.

Sam had told him to just go, go and find her. He had practically begged him. Told him to tell her that he was back, that he was okay, explain everything that had happened to him while she was away. 

But as Dean sat there in a small booth at some run down bar in town, he found himself looking out the slightly dirty window. The park across the street was full of laughing screaming kids. Not to mention all of the couples that were holding hands and laughing, that had never been them not that they didn’t want that, they just couldn’t have that life together. But they had been happy, happier than he had ever remembered feeling in his whole miserable life.

Which is why as he sits here looking out of this window, he tries not to but he thinks about her, everything they might’ve had but now they never can, never will. 

Then it happens. He sees her, she’s smiling and laughing with some guy, one of her arms is looped through one of his. That black hole in Dean’s chest is ripped open once more, it hurts more than he ever thought imaginable, so much more than when that angel blade was plunged in his chest. Then he realises that he can’t swallow, the massive lump that forms in his throat is back and it won't go away. A tear falls from his eye, quickly followed by another. Those green eyes that were once so bright, and yet now they’re so dull. Squeezing his eyes shut tight, he fights to blink them away. Roughly clearing his throat, he swallows that lump finally with a gulp of his liquor, which burns its way painfully down his throat.

Dean’s heart is thundering his chest as she walks closer to the door of the bar where he sits, in his corner booth hidden. The love of his life, just meters away and there’s not a thing that he can do about it. He can’t pull her into his arms like he used to kiss her, tell her everything is gonna be okay. He can only watch her from the sidelines and it’s so much worse than hell on earth. 

Standing from his chair when they walk inside, he manages to slip out the back unseen. Throwing his back against the wall, he takes a deep shaky breath once he feels he can breathe again. The cold air bites at the tear tracks on his cheeks and burns the back of his throat. Quickly he wipes the tear tracks away and he walks away from that bar. Vowing that he will never go there again. He can’t stand it, being so close yet not being able to have her.

A few days pass in a blur of hunting and drinking. They finally get back to the bunker and Dean can’t stop his mind from wandering. Under his eyes is still a mix of red and blue from lack of sleep, since he’d seen her everything had just gotten that much harder. But he wants this for her, he needs this for her. She’s happy and seeing her smile the other day was almost worth the pain he’s in right now.

Then he remembers her face, the day that he was stabbed with the angel blade by Metatron. Unfortunately, he remembers it like it was yesterday. 

The second that angel blade had been pushed through his chest, he remembers how it slid in his chest like butter, little to no resistance. She and Sam had ran in just in time to see it happen. He remembers the way that she’d screamed his name, running up to him and falling down on her knees beside him. As Sam forced a handkerchief to his chest, she had held his hand so tight as she sobbed, pressing those soft kisses to his cheek that he loves. Telling him that everything was going to be okay and god did he want to believe her. Both her and Sam were doing their best to convince him he was getting out of this. 

He remembers the next words he’d said, like they were said yesterday. The look on hers and his brothers face. “It’s better this way” He had ignored Sam and his girl as they’d tried to stop him talking. “The mark. It’s making me into something I don’t wanna be” 

Sam had refused to listen, of course he had, Dean expected nothing else. Sam had helped him to his feet and Dean could feel the blood filling his throat as he stood. Could even feel it beginning to leak from his lips. The look of fear in her eyes silently said that she’d seen it too. 

What he had said next were the last words he spoke and they were so true, “I’m proud of us” and he really was. He turned to her then the best he could, she tried to smile between the tears. “I love you Dean Winchester” she sobbed pressing a kiss to his bloodied lips. He didn’t have time to reply, he’d died in his brothers arms seconds later, her hands still cupping his cheeks.

He hoped she knew, just how much she meant to him. A few hours pass and he can’t sit there thinking anymore, he decides to head out. The bunker was slightly void of food. Even if he wasn’t really eating it right now, Sam would need to eat. So grocery shopping it was. 

Dean doesn’t tell Sam when he leaves, he knows that his little brother only worries, and will almost definitely try to go with him. So he heads out alone, he always felt alone these days anyway. The impala was one of the only places that he still finds comfort anymore, all the times they had spent in there together helped. 

He parks in the parking lot, heading inside the bright store, it feels like he’s in a trance. Tossing things in the cart, he sees the shampoo that she used to use, uncapping it he inhales the scent and clears his throat. Feeling the lump beginning to return and the tears pushing at the back of his eyes, he pushes it down where it belongs. 

Returning the bottle to the shelf he rounds the corner and he almost falls over, because he sees her again. Right in front of him, she has her back to him as she laughs with the same guy she’d been with before.

Abandoning his cart, he leaves the store as fast as he can. Hands stuffed in his pocket, keeping his head down low, he hopes it will be enough to keep him hidden. She was happy, as much as he wanted to, he wasn’t gonna turn around and fuck her life up. She deserved to be loved, to be worshipped. There was nobody who would love her like he did, but that she deserved all the love in the world. She would always have his heart no matter what. 

Swearing under his breath his shaking hands struggle to put the key in the ignition. Silently begging whoever, that he would get out of there unseen. He thanks his baby when she starts, he rips out of that parking lot like his life damn near depends on it, swigging from the flask as he drives. Even the back of her head was insanely fucking perfect, just like he’d remembered. He could still smell her perfume like it was torturing him even now.

Arriving back at the bunker he throws the door closed behind him, swearing as he pushes his hands in his hair as he sinks to the floor, his back slamming against the solid metal. Knees pulled to his chest as his ass hit the floor. He wanted to scream and he knows that he can’t take this much longer. His heart is almost literally being ripped out of his chest, is he supposed to put up with this forever. Every single fucking day for the rest his entire life. 

Dean stands from the floor, his flask is empty, he needs to pass out before he does something he really regrets. Before he goes to find her. 

Then his heart sinks in his chest, there’s a key turning in the bunkers main door lock. He turns just in time to miss the swing of the door hitting him in the face.

His green eyes meet her stunning blue ones, eyes he’s been dreaming about for as long as he can remember. He feels like his tongue is swollen in his mouth, like he can’t breathe as she steps inside. Her bag falling beside the closing door, she’s so damn close that he can’t be dreaming because there’s too much pain, too much relief and overwhelming guilt.

“Dean?” she practically sobs, taking another step closer.

He can’t move, it's like he’s stuck in concrete. His mouth drops open, a breathy whimper leaving his lips. “Izzy”

Tags: @chewie-redbird @julzdec @lettersofwrittencollective @stiles-o-dylan24 @mogaruke @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @dylanholyhellobrien @desiree---1986 @emichelle @lilulo-12 @22sarah08 @deanwanddamons @simsadventures  @charmed-asylum @holyhellpit @flamencodiva @hobby27 @akshi8278 @littlelonewolfgirl @ladywinchester1967 @screechingartisancashbailiff @maddiepants @becs-bunker​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​

[angelkurenai]

Black eyes and freckles - Dean Winchester x Reader

Title: Black eyes and freckles

Pairing: Demon!Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: You’ve been a hunting partner of Sam and Dean for years, and secretly in love with the second. Unkown to you is how he feels the same. When he becomes a demon and you go find him, he lies by saying he doesn’t want to come back. You find a way to become a demon too only to make him jealous and thus realize he still secretly cares about you and makes sure to prove it in a possessive way.

“I told you I didn't want to...” the man, well rather demon, started speaking with a casual smirk but trailed off once he turned in his seat to look at you and a frown formed “(Y/n)?”

“Well, ain't that just deja vu huh?” you raised an eyebrow, taking a step closer to him and reaching out for the shot he had on the bar but not drunk yet.

You still remembered the last time you'd seen each other after everything that happened with Metatron and his supposed death. The last time you remembered Dean as human and not the black-eyed monster you hunted all of your life. The black-eyed monster he on his own had struggled for years to protect you from once you started hunting with him and Sam. The black-eyed monster he had ended up becoming.

“Dean?” you whispered, your voice hoarse and laced with unshed tears. You had thought you'd lost him for good, that the man you had fallen helplessly in love with would never come back and you had not even had the chance to tell him how you felt.The lump in your throat kept you from speaking properly or breathe to begin with but you were determined to bestrong, at least you had hoped you'd be when you took the risk to track him down and have a talk with him.

“(Y/n)” it wasn't a question but the surprise was evident in both his voice and face, even before he turned to look at you to his right. He gave a small nod to the blonde waitress, whose face held some kind of surprise and recognition you couldn't explain, before she pushed away from the bar and went to another customer. She surely didn't see Dean as only that but you tried to push away the pang you felt in your chest or any hint of jealousy because you knew it wasn't the time for that. You wanted to ask her why she looked at you the way she did but couldn't.

And as Dean's eyes fully met yours when he turned to face you, you realized just how important was the reason you were doing this “Here for my karaoke show? Or maybe you wanna settle the score for that pool match I won last time?” the casual smile on his face or the way he leaned back without any single care made you choke on an incoming sob though.

“Is that all you have to say?” you whispered with a frown.

“No?” he frowned playfully “What else should I say? Something like, oh I don't know, sorry for telling you to let me go but you were too fucking stubborn to listen? You're welcome by the way for not messing with you all this time.”

“You're welc- What the hell are you talking about, Dean?” your pain mixed with anger from his words and your voice rose significantly “You think I'm thankful you went MIA after a cryptic message when we were mourning for your death which I witnessed with my own eyes?! A death that haunted my nights for weeks! A death I will never get over in my entire life! How should I be-”

“You should be, because I didn't come back to rip his throat open to make sure you wouldn't come looking for me.” he growled, getting up from his seat and towering over you, his eyes flashing black made your breath hitch in your throat but it wasn't a surprise after the video you'd seen “So yes, you should thank me.”

“I mourned you.” you whispered hoarsely and the short laugh you got from him hurt more than any stab you'd gotten in your life “I died with you that day, you don't know how it all felt. Would you still be laughing if you knew what I went through? Would you still be laughing if Sammy told you that I had not made it? Because Dean I wouldn't turn into a demon like you, I'd simply be gone. I'd be dead and you-”

“Alright enough.” you snapped, cutting you off, a kind of discomfort – and something else, all too human for you to expect from a demon – showing on his features because he was obviously bothered by hearing the word come from your lips “What the hell do you want now?”

“For you to come back.” you breathed out and the chuckle you got from him hurt less this time “Come back home to us and we- we can fix this Dean. We know how to cure demons, remember?”

“Did Sammy sent you to tell me all this? Thought I could fall for your pretty eyes the way I did when I was human? 'Cause you've always got a hold of me without realizing it? Sorry sweetheart, but it ain't gonna work this time.” he gave you a casual smile, shaking his head in a way that showed how little he cared that you didn't duel on what he said for longer than a second.

If things were back to normal and he was human you'd have thought about it just a little longer because there was just too much to read into them. The lines of your friendship had been a little too blurry from the first few years of knowing each other, but the more time passed the closer you two got and the less – you were sure at least for yourself – as a friend you saw him and the more as the man who would forever have a hold of your heart for the rest of your life. You didn't want to get to that, you knew the hunting life didn't allow any romance, even more so when it came to Dean Winchester. But the past couple years he had stood by your side in a way no friend actually would, making you wonder if he really saw you as just his best friend or something more, and only made your feelings for him get stronger. Until of course it all came crumbling down when you thought he died for good.

“Sam doesn't know I'm here.” you whispered, eyes casting in shame for a moment “He doesn't even know I found you, he's still looking. I came here because I want you to hear me out, alone.”

“Oh you will huh? This will be interesting.” he grinned wickedly “I'm listening then, sweetheart. What can you say that will possibly make me come back? 'Cause unless you've noticed this is the sweetest deal I've ever had so far, and I ain't planning on letting go.”

“But this is not you Dean!” you breathed out, placing your hands on his chest out of instinct and his smile fluttered as his eyes glanced at them for a second “This is not the real you, not the Dean I know. Not the caring, sweet and tender Dean who- whose cuddles I honestly could never get enough of in the mornings and always- I always pretended to be sleeping because I didn't wanna make a total fool of myself.” your small laugh mixed with a sob “Not the Dean whose taste in music I complained about but in my free time I would always sneak in Baby and put some cassette to listen to, with your scent calming me down after some nightmare. Baby that had always felt more of home than anywhere else just because of that reason, because she always smelled like you. Not the Dean whom I had fight with over who would get the last slice of pie. Not the Dean who would steal my fries and I gave the shoulder colder because it made me feel so important to see you try to make it up to me. Not the Dean whose terrible jokes made my entire day but I would never admit it. Not the-”

“Alright enough.” his voice was rough as he took a step back from you but before he blinked you could swear you saw a flash of emotions through his eyes “That's enough. You ain't gonna get anything from me with all that crap, you know that. This-” he spread his arms open with a smile “Is me. A much better version of me. The new, updated version and oh do I like it! I'm not that Dean, you're right, and I don't ever want to go back to it because I found out that not caring is the best thing that ever happened to me. I got rid of a big damn weight off my shoulders, namely? You and Sammy.”

“No” you breathed out just as he started getting away, taking hold of his arm and he turned to look at you after glancing at the contact he hadn't felt in months, because it was always different when you touched him “No, I won't let you. I won't!”

“Oh yeah?” he raised an eyebrow “And what are you gonna do about it?” he swiftly turned and took hold of your chin in one hand and pinned you against the bar “What are you gonna do about it, sweetheart?”

“I'm not- I'm not here to fight you.” you forced out, eyes locked with his “I can't, even if I knew I should, I just can't hurt you. Because you-” you took in a shaky breath, your eyes moving back an forth nervously but also emotionally “Because you matter the most to me in this world. In a way no words can describe and I will do everything in my power to get you back. You're so important to me and I- I just can't live without you, D.”

You hoped that the small nickname you whispered to him when you were only the two of you would get something out of him, some emotions wanting to burst out or even a part of his human side. For a moment you thought you were successful because something flickered in his gaze. When he brought his face closer to yours, his breath mixing with yours and fanning over your lips you were literally holding your breath as you waited for him to do or say something. Your eyes were half closed when you felt his lips brush past yours, making your heart leap to your throat.

“Sentiment.” he breathed out before he pulled away instantly and let go of you “Always your problem, sweetheart. Maybe one day you can get rid of that and see how much better everything is.”

“Dean, no.” you shook your head but he only clenched his jaw.

“Go, (Y/n), before this turns more bloody than you can handle.”

“I- I can't let you go, you know that. I can't leave you alone!”

“Then-” he licked his lips, running his fingers through his hair “You could always stay and I can show you all the fun we'll have. Of course you'd have to get rid of all those emotions, no big deal.” he shrugged, a smirk on his lips “Your choice.”

“You...” he started but trailed off, narrowing his eyes and holding your arm before you could take the glass with the shot “Are different.”

“No kidding! Did you notice the new haircut? I trimmed it down an inch I'm surprised you saw I-”

“Your soul.” he growled this time “It's not- It's different. What did you...” he got up from his sit, frowning at you “You're a demon.” there was a surprising harshness in his words even for him being a demon.

“Am I?” your eyes flashed black, before you grinned “Oh right, yes. Sometimes I don't see the difference emotionally, seeing how I lost everything with your death.”

“What the hell did you do?” his hold on your arm tightened and it was painful but you didn't show the slightest hint of discomfort, only shrugged innocently.

“Can barely remember. Little latin, lots of cursed blood, some sigils here and there. It all gets foggy when you get stabbed in the chest, ya know? Waking up a demon makes only a couple things clear.” you gave him a blank look, but the way his eyes widened for a split second in concern, made you smirk slightly.

“You gotta be kidding me.” he shook his head but you only gave him a casual grin, snatching your arm from his grasp.

“Nope” you said with a sickly sweet smile “You were the one that stopped caring, so I decided to do the same.”

“Why would you- Son of a bitch.” he ran his fingers through his hair “I told you-” he started with a growl but you raised a hand to stop him, shaking your head.

“Don't bother. It's obvious why I did this, and it is because of you. Because I wanted to take care of you, to make sure you'd be alright even if you weren't willing to follow me. Maybe-” you shrugged “Maybe because I deep down believed you couldn't be cured, too. And I thought that at least as a demon you'd let me do something good for, that is of course so long as I could still keep that human side of me. But... not everything goes the way we want to huh? Anyhow-” you took a seat on another stool next to his “I see things different now. I know what you told me and Sam and... now that I realize it, the old me wouldn't let you go. But the new me?”

All Dean did was clenched his jaw and watch you as he waited for an answer, as you downed his shot and licked your lips before biting the lower and leaning closer to him “Well, I don't give a fuck.” you breathed out and got off the stool “Speaking of which-” you glanced at a guy that had been checking you out all this time “You'll excuse me now. It's time I really had some fun of my own hm? Seeing as you won't join me anyway.”

But you had barely taken a step away from him before you felt a hand wrap around your arm and Dean roughly tug you back at him with a deep possessive growl. He probably didn't like the fact that you turned into a demon, deep down still caring too much for a demon to admit, but he would be damned if he let you o better yet another man ever think of laying a finger on you. You looked at him with a rather satisfied grin, as if you had been doing all this to get this reaction exactly, his face only inches away from yours.

“Forget it.” he growled.

“Well, seems like you do give a fuck after all.” you smirked in satisfaction, pressing your body closer.

“And it's about time I finally showed you how much.” he said in a rough voice, his eyes darkening and your smile only got bigger.

“And don't you worry about what your little waitress will think?” you motioned to her with your head.

“I don't care.” he breathed out, his hand finding your hip “See, we sure waited too long for that... years to be exact. We gotta make up for the lost time.”

[marilyngogosworld]

So before I start, I have one question that I am asking everyone. Please just say the answer to yourself and keep it in the back of your mind for now. I'll bring it back into play after I tell my story.

Have you always felt like you are different than everyone else? You can't really explain how or why. I'm not asking if you were popular or not. You could be sitting in a room of hundreds of your close friends and family. Yet you have always felt like you are different.

If you answered yes… Then I have a message for you. What if I told you that I could explain exactly why you have always felt that way.

But first in order to understand my theory, I feel you must know some of my story. Before I left Arizona to start traveling I read this book, it changed my life. The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. This book talks about only accepting positive energy, never negative. Yes you'll experience negative things in life. But you once experience it you are then capable of letting the energy of that experience go. That's it. No harboring that energy signature. You can't change what has happened. So why are you worrying about it so much?

Let it go.

The book then goes on about numerous other things that help you and your soul. But the thing that changed my life is when it talks about your “2nd Brain” that voice in your head that is non stop, that over thinks everything, that keeps you up and night and literally almost always winds up being negative. The book then guides through a meditation and if it’s done with your whole intention of success it will teach you to shut that “2nd Brain” up. To where you no longer have that voice constantly whirling through your mind at all times. Not one bit. Because let's face it...that voice isn't reality.

What is reality then? It is right here and right now. This present moment. Wherever you are, with the people that are around you and the things in your immediate environment. That is the only reality that you can change. Not the reality of tomorrow. Nor the reality of yesterday. So please tell me why are you even wasting your energy on those thoughts of tomorrow and yesterday? Why in Gods name are you still thinking about it?

I did that meditation and I no longer hear that voice. It's so freeing and peaceful. Once I was able to hush that constant noise I started to notice something different, a sort of 6th sense so to speak.

I started to feel, yes feel, these colors… At first that was the best way to describe it. I first noticed this when I was working in a rather small club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. And I was sitting next to a customer and kept feeling ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE,BLUE,ORANGE, BLUE. That feeling was so strong that it completely overtook my mind and it was as if his conversation with me was just a faint buzz in the background. So after having a mini internal freak out, I realized it was his energy - his Aura that I was feeling. So I grabbed my phone and Google’d the color of people's auras. I then handed him my phone and asked him to read those two colors, and to tell me if he thinks it accurately describes him. Well it was spot on. Since that first intuitive moment of knowing he was an orange-blue individual I have been reading everyone's aura with incredible accuracy. I can feel the color of people's auras . I had a gift , thats what I like to call it at least. A gift that I was able to hone in on and push its boundaries, the strength of my mental capacity , the ability to make it stronger, and more able to control. I became capable of being in control of my energy to the point of it affecting others if I wanted it to .

So fast forward to this year , Feb 2016 . Im sitting in my favorite dive bar in Tulsa, Oklahoma once again, writing on my blog like I always do, When a middle aged gentleman comes into the bar and go and gives everyone a hug, I had no idea who this was mind you . Then he proceeds to sit across the bar from me , looks up at me and asks

“ What are you doing? Writing in your diary ?” with a smug grin on the scruffy face of his

Me- “ NOOoooooo, Well actually ya kinda , it's my blog , which is a story about my life … So yes , yes I guess I am writing in my diary .”

Him - “ Well I have a story for you .” Said very matter of factly

Me- “Oh really ?? Do tell “ and i cross my arms in front of me .

“ In due time , in due time “ he said I shrug my shoulders and go back to my writing . Well a couple hours pass and the gentleman's friends that came with him finally left . And he then came and sat right next to me .

He leans back, looks at my wings I have tattooed on my back and says …. “Angel wings huh?? ….. Very fitting . “

I shrug off the comment , I knew they weren't angel wings , they had their own meaning , and I knew that .

And that's when things got a bit intense , and my whole direction in life changed . He then looked me straight in the eyes , a little too close for comfort in fact and said “ You have no idea how powerful you are do you ?” Instantly the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention , a mental warning to myself , because I hadn't had told hardly anyone about my gift. How did he know ? My feelers went out and I began reading him , he wasn't evil , or even negative at all , it was a different energy and color but it wasn't bad by any means . Now intrigued with this creature , I came back to reality , and he then made another statement , just as intense as the first. “ You have no idea WHO you are , now do you ?

Knee jerk reaction stick out my hand to shake his and with a shitty grin and a higher pitched voice that usual said “Yes I do my name is Alina Gifford “ being the smart ass that I can be . He rolled his eyes while grumbling out a very funny .

He then proceeded to write down this name on a piece of paper and scooted it over to me, telling me to look this up . And what popped up on the screen was a picture of an archangel , Metatron . Now if you have never heard of metatron , I suggest you look into it . And all the other archangels in fact. You'll understand why here in a minute . So Metatron is an arch angel sent down here to meet like minded people tell them, who they are , their purpose , and then to write the truth about it . That last part is what really caught my attention - Write the truth about it - Well I AM a writer, and every single one of my stories are 100% the truth besides the names of the people involved . Being so confused and not really wanting to connect the dots with this archangel and I .. I played dumb and stuttered out “ So what is this ? …. This is me ? This is my arch angel? I don't get it “

“This is your archangel yes , but he is guiding you with his purpose as well , that is why you are here , this is your divine path. I know you have unique capabilities , as do I , Mine is more of a messenger type path , that's why I am here tonight . I knew that I needed to go out tonight to find someone , I didn't know who until I saw you. This is what you must do, you have to to find the ones that have a gift like you and I and tell them. “

ME . - I can't do that people are going to think that I'm crazy, telling them they have a gift?!

Him - “You can, and you will. That is the only way that they will know answer to tap into their gift you must tell them because the ones that have a gift are the ones that are meant to stay and populate this earth. You must find them , and tell them because bad things are going to happen very soon and we need everyone that has these special abilities to be ready. Because there is going to be death all around us , chaos , and mass destruction.”

He told me that the people I would meet wouldnt be the ones that just had an easy life , that had everything handed to them . They would be the ones that had lived a harder life, that had been knocked down so many times, but always got their butts back up and made it work. He said that “We” did that so that the ones with a gift would have empathy for others when times got hard , and would help up their brothers and sisters even if they were that homeless person on the street, They would know that they had a good soul and needed to be here in the world. The messenger also said that know that I know my gift that the gifted ones would basically FLOCK to me . They would feel drawn to me , almost as if they had to meet me , and once meeting me would feeling completely comfortable telling me things they never tell even their closest of friends. He went on to explain a bit more and with his every word I could feel that it all was the truth. Not once did I even question it . My soul knew that it was the truth.

I’m sure that you all are either intrigued because this hits home , or you think I’m bat shit crazy. Some of you might already know what Im talking about , some might not , but just know this , if You answered the question I asked above with a YES , then you have a gift , and this gift will eventually make itself known. If you train your mind to quiet that 2nd brain, the overthinking , the racing thoughts , the often negative thoughts that pull you from living in the now . That is when your gift will be able to come out and be noticed . Because its not being clouded by those constant clouding thoughts .

Now each one of you will have a different gift and your own perception of it is unique. I have started to categorize these gifts yet not one individual will necessarily be like another. There are: Protectors - the ones that have an innate ability to walk into a room and see what is going to happen before it happens and instinctively protect. Healers, Seerers, Master Communicators, Nurturers, Warriors, Lightworkers, as well as a few more.

I know you all are questioning this whole theory, some with intrigue and some with doubt. That's what I want you to do. I want you to question your very existence. Your reason for being here on Earth. So that you can begin to expand your mind. I will give you a very simple way to know if the information you research is true or a falsity .Now I employ you all to do some research of your own , and the way you know the truth , although not the easiest pill to swallow and your mind might try to sway you to the logical explanation . But if you feel a tightness in your chest , and anxiousness when pondering this topic then that's obviously not the right answer or the right way , now if you feel at peace , and calm , that is the truth. Your soul knows where it needs to go.

And since that night, with so much information to process , I began on my divine path . Meeting all kinds of people , being open to everyone and their energy. Going on these adventures that I never thought I'd ever experience, especially because they were spiritually driven . And meeting so many people with these amazing gifts. With all of them having a common denominator of feeling like they don't fit in , that there is and has always been something more to life . I finally came up with a name for all of as well , we are the misfits of society .

And I am so excited to meet more of you , to come find you, and help you understand and fill that void that you feel, fill it with your true purpose to be on this earth my misfits and I grow stronger and more knowledgeable as we enlighten our minds with the truths of this amazing universe and what it has in store for us .