#and it's SO INTERESTING to think that Breen ALSO knows Gordon's just been in a freezer somewhere

[angels-heap]

yknow how some people dont visibly age as they get older. yea

also find a source that isnt a deleted website from 06 written before episode 2 ever came out lol

also its one single voiceline find more than 1 at least

A few months ago, I received an ask from some troll trying to argue that canon voice lines, Valve's own website, common sense, and Gordon's extremely 30-ish looking canon model do not constitute sufficient evidence that he's not 47, because "some people don't visibly age." (Tell me you don't know of or interact with any middle aged people who aren't rich celebrities without actually telling me.) For obvious reasons, I never intended to answer this ask, but I replayed Half Life 2 recently and caught a voiceline from Dr. Breen that I feel compelled to share.

You want more than one voiceline? Cool. In addition to Eli's fairly unambiguous "My God, you haven't changed one iota!" and other lines indicating that he knows about the G-man, we've also got br_overwatch07:

"How could one man have slipped through your force's fingers time and time again? How is it possible? This is not some agent provocateur or highly trained assassin we are discussing. Gordon Freeman is a theoretical physicist who had hardly earned the distinction of his Ph.D. at the time of the Black Mesa Incident. I have good reason to believe that in the intervening years, he was in a state that precluded further development of covert skills. The man you have consistently failed to slow, let alone capture, is by all standards simply that—an ordinary man. How can you have failed to apprehend him?"

Discourse implications aside, man, we do not talk enough about Breen's relationship with/knowledge of the G-man and his employers' interests. Like, Breen can definitely see with his own eyes that Gordon doesn't look like he's aged, but this feels... more sinister than that.

[weepingalaxy]

i would like to hear your mossman essay... always looking to appreciate more women (especially the half life women. god bless alyx but i think she's the only one not relegated to an expansion or trapped by Misogynistic Writing)

TAKES A DEEP BREATH. anon youve opened the flood gates with this one i have so so so many thoughts about her. these may not make sense because english is my second language and i have probably some form of dyslexia But. i hope. itll make enough sense to offer something interesting to the table

so. judith mossman. aka the perfect example of learned helplessness and how it makes you look to the past

..i have no idea how to start this in a way that isnt kinda forced so youll have to bare with me okay.

i think the core of judith as a character can be summarized by those guys who look at something in history and say "if i was there i wouldn't have done that, rip to you but im different". there's been a misunderstanding about judith in that she "glorifies" the black mesa incident, when thats never what she does or what i understood alyx's comment about her as? see, judith doesn't say it to gordon in person, only talking about the science of teleportation with him (which i'll get into), it's alyx saying how judith has gone on and on about how it should've been her in the chamber that day.

that's not a "i wish i couldve been the one to cause the incident" or glorifying what the incident did or anything, that's a "if i was there it wouldn't have happened" as frivilous and ridiculous that is to imagine for us, the players, as people who saw what happened. but she didn't see it, all she knows is something happened in the test she applied for, and gordon's at the center of it

i believe judith resents gordon. not only because he took the position she wanted/applied to, but because she blames him for the incident happening in the first place. why else would she believe things would've been different if she was there? the way she talks to him is with this surprise and focus on what eli is going to feel about gordon's arrival, then talking about her own knowledge on the teleportation technology, it feels almost like... what would i call it. showing off? but not by saying "i" or "me", but by saying we. yes it's kleiner's technology, but imagine what they'd do if they knew what we've been doing with entanglement. she's the only one who talks to him about the technology like that, and it's like she's trying to prove she's as capable as him? i guess? especially when she still props up gordon's intelligence and says she's happy they get to work together. she wants to prove even more she could've been the one at the chamber but never saying it outright to his face.

and of course, this resentment is why it's easier for her to work with wallace breen to bring gordon to him. if you had a way to ensure the safety of the people you care about, and it'd require the capture of a man you believe was the catalyst for the end of the world, wouldn't you at least like... consider it?? not to mention the way she acts with breen is very... submissive, like maybe she's been with the combine for a specific reason that he can dangle over her head that makes her unable to go against him. the safety of eli, a way to live somewhat comfortably if her wearing a pristine off-white turtleneck is anything to go by, god knows what else.

augh. sorry my brain's losing steam but like. i need to at least mention: her going after the borealis after she breaks free from combine (and, most of all, breen) control is something i took as not just her trying to find something useful for the resistance, but also like... a way to apologize/make up for what she did? but without asking for forgiveness? she went to the fucking arctic to find one of the most valuable pieces of... tech? ... most valuable artifact? Important Ship, specifically so she can fix everything. and how will it fix things?

the borealis has weird temporal elements that lets you go back in time.

of course the woman who's focused so much on the past and the "what-if"s would go looking for something that would let her fix things in the past

[delafiseaseses]

Half Life 1 is an interestin' game (and the themes go to the entire series, so, uh, spoilers for all of it).

It's a game where there's a certain inevitability to things. Gordon will have to push that crystal into the anti-mass spectrometer. The second he got on the Black Mesa Transit System it became inevitable. Hence why the first time we see G-Man is on that journey.

But, even if it wasn't Gordon, it'd've been someone else. Breen was pushing for it, G-Man was involved in it and his "Employers" were counting on it and who knows what other forces were involved too.

Half Life 1, and Half Life overall, is a linear game series. Most linear games are, when you think about it, inevitable stories. Tram rides. Half Life subtly alludes to this fact. Even the final "choice", also done on a tram, isn't really a choice at all "Do as I say or die".

In Half Life 2 G-Man just outright says it, "Rather than offer you the illusion of free choice, I will take the liberty of choosing for you...", even that illusion was something he was no longer bothered with.

Even with G-Man's is partially impeded by the Vortigaunts, he finds the perfect moment to get to Freeman and to taunt Eli. Unforeseen consequences.

The Vortigaunts blocked G-Man from Freeman, so he went into the past and took Alyx. "A previous hire has been unable — or unwilling — to perform the tasks laid before him. We have struggled to find a suitable replacement. Until now." even linear time cannot stop G-Man from getting his way. Alyx may've been around in 2 and the episodes, but she was already doomed to be the next 'hire'.

The capture was also an 'illusion of choice'. He offered Alyx a "choice", asked her a question "What would you want nudged, Ms Vance?", but he already knew what he would do "What if I could offer you something you don't know you want?".

Though, there's another part right before that line that I cut out "Too large [a nudge], given the interests of my employers.", G-Man is the most powerful singular thing we ever get to see. He's still working under something else.

And, who knows, maybe they're working under something else too.

Gordon got on that tram before he was even playable. G-Man got on his tram offscreen. Whatever is beyond him... must've gotten on a tram too.

An isotope doesn't choose its half-life. The rules of reality dictate it. A half-life character doesn't choose its existence, either. It is dictated for them.

Hmm, a little off-topic conclusion aside: it's really no bloody wonder The Stanley Parable started as a Half-Life 2 mod, is it?

[decks-writing-blog]

The Borealis: Chapter Four: Is That True?

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

~

“Or at least I’m assuming you’re both from Black Mesa. Only one of you is in uniform. Not surprising coming from Black Mesa. Not that I actually know, now that I think about it. But you’re our rival so I’m supposed to imply you’re inferior. Though is not wearing a uniform really…”

“Who are you?” Alyx interrupted. Lowering his shotgun, Gordon angled himself to face her as he leaned against the wall. Perhaps since his association with Black Mesa was being brought up, he should say something, but it was easier to let her handle it. Especially since he might have to communicate through her anyway if whoever was watching on the camera couldn’t read sign, a decent possibility. “And, more importantly, why and how did you get here before us?”

“Right, of course, strangers introduce themselves. It’s been a long time. Before we get to those introductions though we need to discuss the reason I let you inside. The one wearing the Black Mesa trademarked Hazardous Environment Suit, please lower your helmet.”

“You let us inside? So you’ve been here long enough to figure out the ship’s controls. Which just makes me want to know why you’re here and who the hell you are even more. Are you with the Combine? What do you need to see Gordon’s face for?”

“All will be made clear after I test my thing. It’ll be quick, I promise. Also the door at the end of the hall is locked so just play along. It’ll be easier for all us that way.” Their tone wasn’t threatening but it didn’t need to be for their words to carry one anyway.

But, whoever they were, didn’t seem to be Combine. The closest the Combine had ever got to speaking with Gordon was through Breen but really, that had been Breen acting on his own. The Combine weren’t interested in talk unless that talk was surrendering to them. This person had implied they were from Aperture which also couldn’t be the case, could it? When the Borealis had ended up here it had brought people with it but there’s no way they’d survived out here that long. So not worth trusting for sure but also not automatically an enemy. Playing along for now was probably their best bet. It didn’t hurt to see what would happen.

So he lifted a hand pressed the button that lowered the helmet. Biting cold hit his face, clouding his breath and make his glasses fog up. The hallway smelled of old metal and blood. Though the latter was likely from the blood splattered and frozen to his suit.

“Thank you. Now, please hold still.”

With a whirring of old, not well tended but still fully functional machinery, a panel opened in the roof almost right above him. A rotary gun barrel descended from it; a turret. Gordon jumped back, raising his shotgun to shoot at it at the same time Alyx shouted, “Gun, watch out!” Not enough though, even old and damaged it was already revving up and firing. The hall was too narrow to get away and above head height, it had the perfect angle to hit him in the one place he was now unprotected.

As was often the case upon dying when not ready for it, time reset to when he entered a new room. The door panel was just closing behind him and Alyx, casting the hall into darkness once more.

“God damn it,” Alyx whispered. “Just when I think we’re finally done with dark places.”

With an inward sigh, Gordon turned on the HEV suit’s flashlight again. And now the androgynous voice would come over the speaker. He’d be ready for its trick this time though.

“It is you!” the voice said, speaking as predicted but… “A long standing mystery finally, finally solved.” That was different. How? Everything, including the things people said, always happened the same unless Gordon interfered somehow. So… why was it different?

“First off, who are you?” Alyx said, sounding even more hostile than before. “Second, what the hell do you mean and how are you here before us?”

“As suspected, you don’t remember. Which confirms that it’s your friend and only friend as the drone footage of your fight with the fellows up top suggested. Ooh, I wish I had someone to share this with but… that’s fine. Come further in so we can talk properly.” The hall lit up, though not fully. A few of the small lights lining the walls were burnt out.

“What don’t we or… I remember? And what’s this about a drone watching us? Also, before we go anywhere, I’d like to know who the hell you are and why you’re here. I don’t think you can exactly blame us for not trusting you given the circumstances.”

“Right, of course, strangers introduce themselves. It’s been a long time.” That was finally something that was the same. Everything else though… did whoever they were remember the resets? “You can call me BOA. I was built and designed to oversee and assist Aperture personal with the Borealis’ computer systems.”

“Built and designed, huh? So… you’re a robot?”

“Incorrect. I’m an artificial intelligence.” Perhaps that had something to do with how it knew about the resets? It certainly explained how it was still alive, if it could even be said to be alive in the first place. Presumably, the Borealis had some way to produce it’s own power. Probably solar, given half the year, the sun never set. “Now your turn.”

“Um… I guess it’s fine, right?” Alyx glanced at Gordon but he didn’t have anything to give so he just shrugged slightly. Trusting BOA wasn’t a good idea, especially after how unhesitatingly they’d killed him earlier, but giving their names probably couldn’t hurt. “I’m Alyx Vance and this is Gordon Freeman. We’re here because uh… we think there might be something on board that can help us in our fight against the Combine.”

“My assumption is that ‘the Combine’ are the other fellows who tried to board me. I didn’t let them in. It’s against protocol. It’s against protocol to let you in too of course but watching the video feed of your fight with the fellows at the top lead me to the conclusion that your friend Gordon is responsible for the time anomalies. A mystery that has been plaguing me for ages. And by ‘ages’ I mean the way humans use it sometimes to exaggerate how long its been for emphasis. It’s really only been a bit more than twenty years.”

So for sure, they remembered then. Gosh, finally. Was that a finally? Was it even a good thing? Probably not, right? Him being the only one who knew was easier but… someone else knowing meant he wasn’t alone in the knowledge. It wasn’t someone who cared or even understood though. And for sure one bad thing about this was that Alyx didn’t need to know.

Her face was of course unreadable under all the cold weather gear but her stance changed, indicating interest. “What do you mean by ‘time anomalies’?”

Gordon could perhaps try to intercept that question, suggest the AI might be glitched after whatever had happened for it to end up here. Surely she would trust his word over theirs. But then again, she’d known for a while that something was up with him and now was one step closer to knowing what it was. How likely was she to let it go without a fight? Probably not very. Especially after he’d brushed off her attempts to learn more from him directly. If he tried to steer her away from this topic, she’d likely suspect his lie.

Instead, he turned his body so only the camera at the end of the hall could see his hands. “Don’t tell her, please.” Would an AI know how to read sign? If it had been programmed to, yes. How sentient was it even? Like Dog or more so? So far it had been talking like a person but that didn’t mean it was comparable to one.

“I believe that is sign language,” BOA said. “Uh… kinda awkward but that’s one of the few languages I don’t know.” Damn it. “I suppose it makes sense though, doesn’t it? I don’t have hands. Probably you are trying to tell me or ask me to answer her question in a specific way. I can’t help you with that though. But anyway, introductions out of the way, come further in. It’s against the rules to let you into my command center but I’m already breaking rules so who cares, right? Besides, you want something from me and well, there’s something you could do for me too so we might be able to help each other.”

“I’m hoping we can help each other,” Alyx said as they started walking, Gordon in the lead. “While we walk though, let’s not drop that ‘time anomalies’ thing. Are you saying Gordon can… time travel?” Of course she wasn’t letting it go.

“Hmm… perhaps. I have no recall of anything that might happen before the blip back, I can only sense that a jump has occurred. It started in 2001. Or perhaps, it’s more accurate to say, that’s the first time it happened. Following 102 blips in quick succession, they stopped before resuming relatively recently.”

Gordon had died 102 times to the Nihilanth, huh? Not a happy thought but it sounded about right.

“The reason I assume Gordon Freeman is responsible for at least this latest round of time blips is whilst watching you fight the fellows at the top of the cliff, they lined up exactly with his reactions to avoid things that would’ve killed him. A few times such was the case with things that should’ve killed you, Alyx. But even in those instances, he was the one reacting to it in time to save you.”

“So, Gordon, that’s it? Your ‘lucky streak’ is time traveling?”

Gordon couldn’t exactly say ‘no’, could he? That was what it was. Probably if he insisted hard enough that he had nothing to do with what BOA was talking about, Alyx would take his word over a stranger’s but… he’d never liked lying. He didn’t really want to confirm it either though. So, not turning to even look her way, he just kept walking.

The halls were all steel and narrow, as expected from a steel ship. Doors opened at their approach, creaking and squeaking as a clear sign of how long it had been since they’d last undergone maintenance, but as a sign of their quality they were still fully functional. Combined with the lights, they were being lead presumably to the Borealis’ command center. Exactly where they wanted to be. Having to work with this BOA AI was not a scenario he’d have ever guessed they’d encounter but it was Aperture Science. From what he remembered hearing about them, they’d had a big AI program in charge of their main facility too. Black Mesa’s spies had vanished with the Borealis before much could get out from them about said AI but still, given that, it wasn’t too surprising that they’d made another to put in charge of whatever was on board this ship too.

“I theorize,” BOA said, “the way his time traveling works is he dies and time blips back. I could be wrong of course but that’s the impression I got based off the footage. I don’t remember testing it but I did intend to and got a blip when you two entered so I assume I did.”

“Gordon, is that true?” Alyx sounded a lot less excited by the idea than she had a moment ago. The exact reason he didn’t want her to know. It was his burden to bear.

He kept walking. The alternative would be to stop and talk about it. They didn’t have time for that and… he didn’t want to.

“Gordon!” she tried again but he was nothing if stubborn.

Before she could try something else, they reached what could only be the command center. It was large room, especially compared to the narrow halls they’d traversed to get here. Much of the space was taken up by a ring of computers in the middle, a lot of which wasn’t immediately recognizable. There were also frozen corpses, three; one draped over and frozen to part of the command center, the other two huddled in the corner. Presumably some of the people who’d vanished with the Borealis. Naturally without cold weather gear, they hadn’t lasted long.

On the ceiling was a crisscross of railings. Attached to which was a large mechanical orb with what was clearly meant to be an eye at its center. It looked down at them, panels over its green ‘pupil’ clearly meant to replicate eye lids.

“I’d love to study him to know more.��� BOA’s voice now came from it. This was meant to be the AI’s face, something to look at when talking to it? “But I don’t have the means to do that onboard. GlaDOS would be delighted if I brought you home for her to study and test though. Which is where we might be able to help each other. I would like to…”

“Wait, wait.” Alyx stepped forward, raising a hand. “Before we discuss that,” she stepped directly in front of Gordon, making it much harder to escape her gaze, “is it telling the truth? Is that what your ‘lucky streak’ is? You die and… and… come back or whatever? That’s crazy but…” She trailed off.

Gordon looked away. Lucky for him, delaying just a little bit long, BOA made sound imitating one clearing their throat. “Not an ‘it’. It’s offensive to assume AI’s are automatically ‘its’ just because we’re not human. Not that some aren’t, nothing wrong with being an ‘it’. But I’m head of a ship’s systems and ships are she/hers so I am too, obviously. I suppose I can’t expect Black Mesa pick up on such obvious things though. You probably haven’t figured out how to make anything even half as advanced and intelligent as I am yet. You’re so far behind.”

“Okay, fine, whatever, sorry. Is she right, Gordon? The fact that you’re not answering is kinda making me think she might be. And like… that doesn’t make much sense because time travel can’t be real, can it? But also, you clearly know what’s going to happen before it happens sometimes. You basically admitted to it. How else would you know where to go to avoid Combine air patrols and stuff? And you were the only one who knew about the Advisors that somehow got into the White Forest base. You even knew there were two, almost as if you’d seen them before. Also, if you can be put into stasis for twenty years then clearly we don’t know everything, right? So just… say something. Or sign it, you know what I mean.”

And so everything came falling down at last. As soon as he’d admitted something supernatural was happening with him, he should’ve known this was inevitable. But well… if he were to ever tell anyone, it would be Alyx, his long faithful companion who he’d do nigh-on anything for. With a sigh, he lifted his hands. “It started with the resonance cascade. I don’t understand why or how,” nor did he care anymore, that curiosity had long since been beaten out of him, “but when I die, time resets. There are limits on it but I can choose the time I wake up in. It’s the only reason I’m still alive.” Also the only reason she and so many other people were too. If he had this power he was obligated to use it for good and so he was.

“What’s he saying?” BOA asked in stage whisper halfway through his signing. Both of them ignored her.

Alyx lifted her hands to respond in sign. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“What good would it have done?” It was his burden to bear. All her knowing did was make her worry about him. They didn’t have time for that.

“I don’t know but…” she hesitated, her hands hovering indistinctly for a few second before continuing, “it would’ve been nice to know you were dying over and over. That sounds awful. Are you okay?”

“No.” He hadn’t been okay for a long time.

She stared at him in silence for a few seconds before replying. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s why we’re here.” As much as it hurt and sucked to die over and over again, the amount of people he’s managed to save because of it made it worth it. If he could save the whole planet from the Combine too, he’d go through it all again.

“I’m guessing you can’t go back to before the Combine?”

“I couldn’t go back to before the resonance cascade or I would’ve stopped it from happening.” Which would’ve presumably stopped the Combine from ever noticing them. “Now I can’t go back to before the stasis.”

“I see. Can I ask how many times you… you know?”

“A lot.” More than he wanted to know. “Apparently 102 times to the Nihilanth.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes.” Most of the time.

“Have I ever died?”

“A few times.” No need to tell her how many times even if he’d known the number. Also no need to specifically tell her how he ‘manually reset’ to bring her back for many of those times. She could probably infer it all on her own if she gave it enough thought. Hopefully she wouldn’t.

“Do you ever…” she trailed off, lowering her hands for a moment before raising them again. “Now’s probably not a good time to talk about it, huh?”

Gordon let out a heavy breath as he rolled some of the tension out his shoulders. This wasn’t as bad as it he’d thought it’d be. Maybe it was even kind of okay? Better than a somewhat unfriendly AI being the only other one who knew. “We should get in contact with White Forest if we can.” Let Eli and the rest of the resistance know that they’d made it and now had to negotiate with an AI.

“Just so you guys know,” BOA said as she rolled her orb over to look down at him from their other side, “the army that was camped at the base of cliff, that got stirred up by the attack on their top forces, will be here in approximately two hours. Presumably they will be looking for you. I won’t let them in, of course. But if they decide to look even harder than before, they might find the panels and pry them open and then who knows what’ll happen? So now might not be the best time to be having a chitty-chat about whatever it is you find so important to talk about in a way I can’t interpret.”

“Yeah, we know,” Alyx said as she stepped back. “We were just finished anyway.” She headed for the console in the middle of the room. “Do you have a communication’s device or something? There’s a call we’d like to make if possible.”

BOA’s orb rolled across the ceiling to look down at her. “Let me guess, Breen, head of Black Mesa?”

“Nope. He’s dead and uh… Black Mesa in general isn’t really a thing anymore. I assume you don’t know since you said earlier that you don’t know who the Combine are but they kinda came and killed almost everyone on the planet like twenty years ago. We’re trying to get them off the planet and more importantly prevent any more of them from arriving. If we can’t, we’re kinda fucked.”

BOA’s eye narrowed, mimicking a thoughtful expression. “I suppose a world ending invasion would explain some things, namely why no one ever came to look for me. The Combine’s the thing you want my help with, correct?”

“Correct. If not, we’re gonna at least try to keep you from falling into their hands. And you said earlier we might be able to help each other, meaning you want something from us too. So I would like to be able to call our people to help us negotiate that.”

“Fine. Part of what I want from you is to restore my systems anyway, we’ll start with my communications. You’ll need to move Johnny before I can open the panel that leads to it. He’s the dead guy to your right.”

The frozen corpse draped over the console. Gordon approached it. Thanks to the unending cold, Johnny was preserved remarkably well, making his ice encrusted face rather harrowing. Or it would’ve been harrowing if Gordon weren’t numb to the sight of death. A clear bullet hole in his back, through his chest, made clear how he’d died; likely at the hands of someone else.

Gordon used the crowbar to pry him loose of the ice holding him in place, revealing his frozen blood splashed over where he’d lain. Once free, he dragged the body over to the other two corpses in the corner. No visible signs of violence on them, presumably they’d frozen to death. All together the three corpses were a good reminder not to trust this AI. There was a good chance she wasn’t at least partially responsible for their deaths.

The lower panel Johnny had been blocking popped open, the rest of the ice covering it audibly shattering. Underneath it was a nest of machinery and wires. Alyx knelt down beside it.

“While you work, could you uh… explain the Combine in more detail to me?” BOA placed her orb right above Alyx, looking straight down at her. “Also, anything else of note that happened in the past twenty years. I am so far behind on the latest news and gossip happening in the rest of the world. It gets kinda um… lonely and boring up here.”

While Alyx got to work on the wires and explaining the Seven Hour War and the Combine invasion, Gordon set to exploring the rest of the room. At first glance it wasn’t that much different from any other technological command room one might find. But while some of the screens, dials, and various other monitoring and control means present on the ring of central computers were related to the functions of the normal ship stuff aboard, many clearly weren’t. Almost none of it being on made even guessing what any of the other stuff was for even harder.

The presence of so much tech and the ship being overseen by an advanced AI confirmed that there was something big on board though. Not that that confirmation was needed, it was kept top secret by Aperture, even more than their other projects, and then vanished right out of the dock, bringing some of said dock with it, after all. Could it help in their fight against the Combine though? And would that be enough to be worth giving BOA whatever it was she wanted from them in return for the help? Only time would tell.

~

Next Chapter

[skaruresonic]

lol get fucked.

this kind of NPC reaction to you interacting with the environment is honestly something I found lacking in Half Life 2.

Twenty years later and Magnusson's hams are still steamed. xP

I want a mod where you toss his casserole into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer and he goes full Doomguy on the Combine

---

Considering he’s assigned to “anomalous materials”, how much do you think Gordon was “in the know” about xen? They all mention “the sample” having arrived today as if he should know what the hell they’re talking about. But Freeman is only a class 3 personnel. I think a lot is left up to the imagination about what Gordon was aware of when it came to the research he was involved in. Personally I’m inclined to believe he was in the dark about the majority of it. “Need to know” and all that kind of thing.

Eh, he didn't need to hear all this anyway, he's a highly trained professional xP

Hate to keep bringing up the PS2 manual, but you are playing the PS2 version, so it's germane lol:

"After studying your substance evaluation report about samples returned from the GG expedition, the senior staff has decided to move forward with the program.

"We are particularly interested in sample GG-3883. Although your experiments have revealed unexpected spectral analysis fluctuations with GG-3883, you've identified it as the purest and largest sample we have.

"Therefore, the senior staff has decided that GG-3883 will replace EP-0021 in the simulation.

"Note that we must deviate from standard analysis procedures in order to have the sample ready in time. We understand this is a violation of normal anomalous materials handling protocol, so I have already authorized the enclosed materials requisition form. Please see to it that sample is ready to be delivered to Dr. Freeman on the day of the experiment. " - OTA: L.M." ---

According to the manual: - Gordon's security clearance level is 3 - Dr. Green and Dr. Cross's is 4 - Dr. Keller's (the scientist in the motorized wheelchair) is 5 -the average scientist's is 5 - and the average security guard's clearance is level 3. Hence we can infer that Gordon's security clearance being equal to that of a security guard means he probably wasn't in on it. When you consider that his sponsor is listed as classified, his ignorance was most likely jointly manufactured by the G-Man and Dr. Breen.

Also, Eli heavily implies that he knew about the experiment in Episode 2 when he admits that he should have aborted the test but didn't.

My guess would be that the G-Man "nudged" things in such a way that the team took home the shiniest rock they found, explaining the Nihilanth's accusation of thievery. They were originally going to use another sample when senior staff changed their minds and demanded the sudden switch to the Shiny Rock despite obvious violations of standard procedure.

---

Kind of a sparse locker. That fucking baby picture has befuddled people for decades lol. I always assumed it was his nephew or niece? I have pictures of my niece in my house. Course, after Half Life 2 retcons, people like to say it's Alyx nowadays. Personally I don't like retroactive continuity influencing my analysis of media - in the context of when this game released, Alyx hadn't been invented yet. So no it's obviously not her.

It's just an Easter Egg of a developer's baby, nothing worth any real canonical weight.

---

Course, after Half Life 2 retcons, people like to say it's Alyx nowadays. Personally I don't like retroactive continuity influencing my analysis of media - in the context of when this game released, Alyx hadn't been invented yet. So no it's obviously not her.

No. It's not Alyx.

It'd be weird to keep a picture of your coworker's baby in your locker, don't you think? Yet the "Freemance is pedophilia" crowd would have you believe Freeman does that because he's a creep, ig.

We see a baby picture of Alyx in HL2. That baby doesn't look anything like this baby. Not to mention Alyx pretty much puts the kibosh on all that when she says she's sure Gordon doesn't remember her.

There's other stuff in Gordon's locker - a bowling certificate, a thermos, two of Marc Laidlaw's books.

One of my friends read... The Orchid Eater, I think? - and she said it was weird, in that edgelord kind of way. Apparently a guy gets killed by having a crucifix shoved up his butt.

For some reason in the PS2 version you can't move around the tram while it's in transit. Probably because even in the original PC release the physics of it are pretty wonky. I imagine it was the easiest solution to playtesters crouch jump clipping their way out of the tram on accident while fucking around and getting weirded through a loading screen.

"Morning mister freeman. Looks like you're running late."

EXCUSE YOU, HE'S A FUCKING DOCTOR.

I really hate these HD models. Fucking gearbox.

Considering he's assigned to "anomalous materials", how much do you think Gordon was "in the know" about xen? They all mention "the sample" having arrived today as if he should know what the hell they're talking about. But Freeman is only a class 3 personnel. I think a lot is left up to the imagination about what Gordon was aware of when it came to the research he was involved in. Personally I'm inclined to believe he was in the dark about the majority of it. "Need to know" and all that kind of thing.

Everyone's pissy about Freeman running late but they're blue screened so it's not like him arriving on time would have mattered lol.

lol get fucked.

this kind of NPC reaction to you interacting with the environment is honestly something I found lacking in Half Life 2.

E = Mc2 huh? Also I always find old periodic tables like this so quaint now. Funny story, the guy who invented the periodic table actually predicted with reasonable accuracy all the new elements that would be discovered beyond what he originally catalogued. Dude was smart.

Follow the blue line. Freeman is a THEORETICAL physicists. He does theory, not practice.

🤔

lol

Kind of a sparse locker. That fucking baby picture has befuddled people for decades lol. I always assumed it was his nephew or niece? I have pictures of my niece in my house. Course, after Half Life 2 retcons, people like to say it's Alyx nowadays. Personally I don't like retroactive continuity influencing my analysis of media - in the context of when this game released, Alyx hadn't been invented yet. So no it's obviously not her.

The other two hazard suits are worn by the protagonists of Decay =)

[this-should-do]

god i think the best part of hl3 vr for me, something that still sticks woth me is rising up in the citadel and just seeing c17 sprawled out below you, even tho its just a google maps image of new york,

seeing it like that when just before you were out figbting in the trenches with everyone it felt so,,, small and fragile and i felt even smaller rising up above it every problem just seemed to disappear i could almost forget a war was being eaged down below and that what i was foghting was so large so as to be beyond my xomprehension, it made everything so hopeful and small like i was going somewhere that everyone was going somewhere,

and it reminded me of how astronauts when they see earth from space and the moon and how every imaginary line and every problem in the world seemed so small and so easy to solve, and how small and mortal and fragile the earth itself was never mind them thrmselves (its called the overview effect btw, i was reading a lil bit about it on wikipedia and it had a section about how vr can mimic this effect, granted it was focussed on mimicing it by simulating seei g the earth, and its like yeah it really fucking can, doesnt even have to be seeing the earth)

so ever since i sae c17 from so high up ive been thinking about making a comic woth a quote from an astronaut about how they felt seeing space so ive compuled sum of my favs becuz i cnat decide which ones i want to use, so enjoy them

[cozmic-ash]

Hello! I was curious as to what your thoughts are on Marc Laidlaw's "Epistle 3"? I know it's been a couple years since it came out, but I've just recently been thinking a lot more about it, and I've been fishing for other folks' honest talks on the topic.

I’ve been thinking about HL a lot lately cause I just watched the ‘Half Life Retrospective’ video by liam triforce on youtube, and also because of HL:Alyx lol

I'm honestly always really surprised that so many people liked Epistle 3 LMAO I disliked most of what it did with the characters and lore gjhghj especially Alyx? I didn’t like that she basically was just reduced to like... a pawn of the G-man and that there was no real resolution between Gordon and Alyx despite you spending the majority of HL2 and its episodes with Alyx as your companion

I also didn’t like what they did with Judith, or the time-jumping capabilities of the Borealis (tho it DOES open some interesting threads to explore plot-wise, like attempting to use it to defeat the combine before they even get to Earth? could be interesting, but otherwise it felt like there was no real reason for it to be there except as an Additionally Mysterious Characteristic of the Macguffin)

I was........ okay with what they did to Breen, not my FAVORITE thing because it feels like.... along the same line of complaint I had with TROS, just bringing random characters back for no reason lol, but like. I know that making Breen an adviser/worm/whatever has kinda always been A Thing they wanted to explore and it actually has some amount of justification for it so I don’t HATE it?? but I also don’t Love it

I also don’t like the fact that Gordon basically just gets yeeted into nowhere and is like ‘welp guess I’ve done all I can do’ like I’m sorry but u expect me to believe that........... u expect me to believe The One Free Man and the person you’ve characterized as The Determinator for like four games is just going to shrug his shoulders and lay back while the world burns??? I’m sorry but I don’t believe you, and I think that’s Bad Characterization and reeks of “well we’ve met our Gordon quota but don’t actually know how to wrap up his story so uhhhh /pulls him off stage ungracefully with a big hook��

(It’s been a Hot Minute since I’ve read Epistle 3 and I have no desire to read it again lol, so if I’ve missed something forgive me gjhgjh)

overall I did not like Epistle 3....... I was thoroughly disappointed with it and I hope that if HL3/Ep3 ever gets made they go with something totally different LMAO

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/how-indie-developers-finished-half-life-3/

How indie developers finished Half-Life 3

On 25 August 2017, Marc Laidlaw, former writer on the Half-Life series with Valve – from the original game to its extended second chapter – posted a short story in the form of a letter entitled Epistle 3. While the names had been gender-swapped and other details disguised, it was clear that this was an interpretation of Half-Life 2: Episode 3, or Half-Life 3 as we have come to refer to it over the years. It was a concluding chapter in the story of Gordon Freeman (who refers to herself as Gertie Fremont in the text), a story that was never given a chance to be finished.

It was an extraordinary moment. After so many years of looking for clues and references to a Half-Life sequel, of seeing the number three in any Valve or Valve-associated title as a portent of Freeman’s return, we finally had this. A vision of what could have been. 

Gordon Freeman: Rational Man is a creation of the Half Life 3 game jam.

A vision that writer Laura Michet didn’t want to see go to waste. “I saw someone tweeting it out and I was immediately fascinated,” the originator of the Epistle 3 Jam on itch.io explains to us. “That evening, at dinner with some friends, I ended up reading parts of it with them. We were all people who had grown up with the Half-Life games and started games careers in the shadow of the perpetually unreleased HL3.” And when the dinner was over and the enormity of what Laidlaw’s text represented settled into place, she sprang into action. “I rushed back to my computer to make the jam, actually.” 

“There’s something fascinating about taking this thing that will never be made and letting it go free”

Brendon Chung, creator of Tiger Team

Game jams are a curious and wonderful thing. They are cauldrons of creativity in compromised conditions. Limits of time, resources and accessibility make them the open mic nights of the games industry, where veterans can play with new materials and up and coming creatives can make a name for themselves and show their talent. “They’re my favourite creative activity in the world, pretty much,” says Michet, who started out in the game jam scene after graduating a few years ago. “I love running game jams on itch, too, since that platform gives you instant access to other people who might be interested in the same topic. I love seeing the stuff  that comes out of itch jams.” 

How did the Epistle 3 game jam link to Half Life 3?

Epsistle 3 is a more psychedelic take on Half-Life 3.

The Epistle 3 Jam started on 26 August (the day after Laidlaw’s piece was revealed) and ran to 1 November, attracting a swathe of developers with the desire to finish what Valve had started. Developers such as the aforementioned Brendon Chung, creator of Thirty Flights Of Loving and Quadrilateral Cowboy for Blendo Games. “I was (and still am) a tremendous fan of the Half-Life games. They really blew up the definition of what a first-person shooter can be. Half-Life played a big part in shaping the kind of work I do,” he tells us. “There’s some really elaborate and ambitious stuff happening in the synopsis. Lots of great temporal and dimensional hopping. I wanted to use this aspect as the backbone of the project, to have you and your memories bumping around time and space.” 

“It’s a beautiful, poignant farewell to a series that will never reach a proper conclusion.” Heather Robertson, creator of GENDERWRECKED and, for this game, the psychedelic EPISTLE 3, tells us. “Also, in the wrong hands, it is a ridiculous comedy piece where nothing makes sense and everything is horrible. I have those wrong hands.” And pretty much everyone we spoke to concurred that the prospect of creating a bootleg Half-Life was just too good an opportunity to pass up. How the developers chose to take it from there and what they created was wildly different, however. Of the 32 submissions to the jam once the process had closed, very few are actually first-person shooters or, even if they are, not in the traditional sense. Thanks to the nature of the jam and the source material, the creators felt a freedom to go wild. 

What games did Half-Life 3’s unofficial synopsis inspire?

Rational Man is billed as a ‘visual novel parody’ of Half-Life 3.

“Evidently, not even Valve wants to take on the challenge of making a shooter follow- up to Half-Life 2, so I felt there was zero mileage in us attempting it – instead, a game focusing on relationships or dialogue seemed the most entertaining direction – especially playing with Freeman’s role as a silent, killing machine who’s always washed along by events,” says James Kapella, one third of TEK Collective, behind HL2: Episode 3 – Gordon Freeman: Rational Man. You can download the game to play on PC through the link, if you’re interested. Others had a much simpler mission statement. “I wanted to make the biggest, dumbest piece of garbage possible. I’d like to think I succeeded,” Robertson declares enthusiastically about her first-person fever dream of an experience that pretty much every other developer we spoke to praised for its design and ingenuity. 

“I aimed for a literal interpretation of the most cynical take on the linear FPS genre,” game designer Dave Hoffman, AKA Dave Makes, tells us. “That is, walking down a hallway, killing everything, occasionally pausing while people talk at you. I’m not actually as cynical as all that, even as a joke, so I couldn’t help getting sentimental while writing the dialogue.” The result was something like a merging of Fruit Ninja with a relationship simulator called THE THIRD ONE. 

In fact many of the developers looked to find the funnier side of the story, leaning on the absurdity of it all while also being reverential to their inspiration. “For a while I’d been wanting to make a game that was just a single joke, setup and punchline, communicated through gameplay instead of writing,” Nicholas Kornek, maker of I Have No Mouth And I Must Freeman, explains. “I actually came up with the title before figuring out what the game would be. I just knew that I really wanted to make something about Gordon Freeman’s strange inability to speak to anyone. In the end, I decided to make a game that would reflect on the futility of trying to communicate when your only impact on the world is through violence, but, you know, funny and stuff.” 

And while the text of Laidlaw’s script gave these creators a lot of freedom to be inventive, the jam process enhanced it too. “The stakes in a jam are super low because everyone comes into the project expecting they’re going to fail,” says Laura Michet. “I ended up just making a bizarre interactive short story where you make only one real choice – whether or not to shoot the BreenGrub. The game keeps track of whether or not you killed him, and it also keeps track of how many people have killed him since the game has been running.” 

How Half Life inspired an interactive fiction MMO

You can play text-based MMO The Grub right here.

In actual fact what Michet made has been described by some of the other developers as a Twine MMO, as the text-based story actually involved measuring the number of people making the choice to kill or save Laidlaw’s depiction of a Dr. Breen-like grub and challenges you to shift the numbers (similar in concept, but more complex in execution, to the Lutece twins coin toss scene from Bioshock Infinite). 

“I think Twine is very much mischaracterised by both game fans and indie game developers,” Michet adds. “It has a very low barrier of entry, but a very high skill ceiling for people who want to use it as a complex expressive tool. Hypertext itself – telling stories using clickable links – is a kind of interactive fiction sub-discipline that nobody has quite yet mastered, I think. The possibilities of hypertext are pretty immense.” 

Everyone’s approach in the jam was different, from sifting through old concepts to coming up with something original, using the longer jam schedule to play with a work in progress or come up with a new system altogether. It was a personal journey for everyone we spoke to.  

“To be honest, I jumped into this jam with very little thought. I had been following Heather Robertson’s work in progress and it made me laugh so hard I couldn’t help but join in the fun,” Dave Makes tells us, for example. “It’s funny, THE THIRD ONE is probably my most personal game to date. The art style is just my rough doodles, they’re the kind of thing I fill notebooks with when I’m having fun.” 

“I had already written a bunch of top-down game code for a game pitch I was working on and it came to me that I should make a Lego Star Wars-type game where everything is a caricature of the Half-Life universe,” says Owen Deery, creator of Small Radios Big Televisions who made a kind of chibi-shooter called Expo. Decay. “I figured I was already making an unauthorised Half-Life game, so I had nothing to lose by re-using Valve’s assets. This sped up the production process a ton since any time I needed a new asset I could probably find it in the Half-Life archives. More importantly, though, it really helped the game feel like a Half- Life game. When you kill a Combine soldier and his radio plays that flatline noise it really makes a huge difference.” 

“Something we imagine that Valve would approve of”

Brendon Chung also delved back into the real games to fish out some authenticity for his homage. “It was a lot of fun taking the dialogue lines from Half-Life 2 and re-using them in a different context to create new scenes,” he reveals. “I basically listened to every line of dialogue in Half-Life 2 and ‘wrote’ my script around the suitable lines.” 

The strange array of different approaches, the sense of humour, the irreverence of it all, based around a franchise that is so revered and praised for its narrative is an interesting thing, but something we imagine those at Valve would approve of. The love of Half-Life is so clear from these titles and the sympathy the developers feel for the creators was apparent. 

“I’ve worked on games that have been cancelled, or suspended indefinitely, and it’s heartbreaking,” says Dave Makes. “THE THIRD ONE is a goofy, silly thing, but underneath that, it’s a love letter to game developers who have felt that heartbreak.”

I was also very pleased that most people didn’t just dunk on the HL3 developers or make a lot of angry games,” adds Michet. “It’s worse that the HL3 devs didn’t get to make their game than it is that we didn’t get to play it. Working on a project and watching it get cancelled or die sucks – that’s happened to me a lot in my professional career.” 

So, while the Epistle 3 Jam may not have delivered much by way of an authentic conclusion to the Half-Life story, what it has inspired is a wide variety of fun and experimental games as well as a fantastic platform for a number of developers, some of whom only work on games part-time, to find exposure and have their creativity appreciated. And while many said they wouldn’t be coming back to these titles now the jam was done, some will be looking to build on what they created here. 

“I want to play a little more with the world of Half-Life, rethink the barnacles, return the Vortigaunts as enemies. Make something crazy with it,” says Alexey Sigh, maker of HL: Minimal Edition, which mixes 3D world design with pixel art characters. “It’s simply fun to come up with something new using known characters and express your own vision. Also, I treated this project as a practice  at level and game design because its minimal visuals allowed me to spend less time on assets and more on the gameplay experience.”

HL: Minimal Edition in action.

Deery also had an eye to the future with his creation. “I used the jam as a jumping off point to experiment and prototype my next project, which has similar mechanics, and this allowed me to take all the feedback I received from the jam and use it to improve the experience. I had to remove all the Half-Life assets obviously, but it feels like the same game in spirit,” he tells us. 

“I am a firm believer in the idea that a game is like a little bird. Once it flies from the nest it grows wings and a beak, and would try to kill me if I got close,” Robertson tells us with an alternate view on things. “There are birds worth tracking down and binding so they would not peck me, but this bird deserves to be free. Also it has massive talons and a gun. Why did  I give it a gun?” 

“More than anything I’m really happy that a lot of people seem to be enjoying the game,” is Kornek’s take on the experience. “I’ve seen a lot of playthroughs of it on YouTube and the joke seems to land well for pretty much everyone, which makes me feel like I did a solid job on the design.” While Dave Makes just had a lot of fun with the development process, as he explains to us. “I had an absolute blast recording all the sound effects. My wife was trying to study while I was banging on things around the apartment, slamming a head of cabbage against the floor, obnoxiously chomping on carrots, swinging a big stick around for that crowbar ‘swoosh’ noise… and then I made her do head crab screeches with me. It was fun.” 

“The outcome was better than I could have hoped”

Tiger Team was made by Blendo Games.

A jam is about giving game developers the spark of an idea that will send them forward. Sometimes that’s the one thing missing between talent and execution. Besides, thanks to Laidlaw’s writing and Michet getting the game jam running as quickly as she did, we now have all of these games and all of these interpretations of the Half-Life world to enjoy. Michet herself seems delighted with the response. “I was overwhelmed! 

The outcome was better than I could have hoped. A lot of people interpreted the jam in a wide variety of strange, incongruous and hilarious ways and that is absolutely the best outcome,” she enthuses. “There were a ton of extremely funny, weird games in this jam, which was also amazing – I love how jams let people make the kind of outrageous joke-games they otherwise wouldn’t ever be able to make.” And so, while it feels more and more like we might never see Valve finish its saga, at least developers like these are tending the flame of Gordon Freeman, keeping the dream alive and giving us experiences that even a team as creative as the Bellevue outfit would balk at attempting. 

“A jam is a great opportunity to capture a moment, either in your own development (technical or personal), or something external,” Kapella sums up for us. “Marc Laidlaw sharing Epistle 3 was both a stimulating gift to the community and a full stop the series was lacking – and this was our modest tribute. Half-Life belongs to the people now”. 

Watch 10 years of Gabe Newell addressing rumors of Half-LIfe 3 in a 4-minute video.

Source: https://www.gamesradar.com/how-indie-developers-finished-half-life-3/

[angels-heap]

gordon/judith insane one night stand fic when?

I'm more of a "biromantic-demisexual Mossman who struggles with a hearty dose of internalized homophobia" person because I like to ship her with older scientist women lol. She strikes me as the kind of person who is attracted to experience, confidence, and power regardless of gender, so I feel like something with Gordon wouldn't necessarily work out on that basis because they're too "equal," if that makes sense. Mossman needs someone to look up to who she isn't malding and seething over (cough, Breen). But that's just my own fanon talking, ofc.

Funny you should mention it, though, because your post made me remember a VICE article written in 2015 by a guy who visited a psychic, LARPing as Gordon in order to gain information about Half-Life 3 from the spiritual realm. The psychic told him numerous things, including "two women appear to be interested in you sexually," which the author took to mean that Gordon will get caught up in a love triangle between Alyx and another woman. I swear I am not making any of this up.

Also, fun fact: in a 1999 interview, Gabe Newell implied that Gina Cross may have originally been envisioned as Gordon's distaff counterpart or even his wife. Maybe as a second campaign or a tandem perspective of the events of the resonance cascade:

Wild, isn't it? I think sometimes we get so mired in shipping culture that it's easy to forget how Straight(tm) with a Capital S the writing of the games actually is. Kleiner, certified gay icon, comments on Alyx's "loveliness" and names his pet headcrab after scientist and actress Hedy Lamarr. Barney likewise implies he finds Alyx attractive with that "you lucky dog you" line. Breen suggests Mossman has feelings for Eli. A rebel assumes Gordon is Alyx's boyfriend in Episode Two. So on and so forth. It's almost as though the writing inadvertently assumes the characters are straight until proven otherwise. But hey, that's what fanfic is for :P

Lots of good stuff in here! I like your take on Mossman, and given what we know of her possible canon love interest(s), it makes sense. FWIW, I never meant to imply that a one-night stand with Gordon would be good (or a totally sober decision), but I still think it would be a funny premise for a fic.

I did know that Gina Cross was going to be Gordon's spouse or genderbent counterpart at some point, but I was not aware of the heterosexual love triangle psychic prediction (wow, what a sentence!). I guess we'll see if that comes true... eventually. Maybe. And I'm sure if it does, which it almost certainly won't, the fandom will be soooo normal about it.

Two things can be true at once: Half Life canon is annoyingly, aggressively straight (clearly a product of its time) AND some of the m/f ships, both canon and otherwise, are narratively interesting and there's nothing wrong with enjoying them. Like you said, this is why we have fanfic!