#and missing in action being arata

[kotaromita]

um. okay. c-cool, that's...so two of my teammates have long term amnesia, one of them is in the hospital after a near death experiences, and one of them is totally missing in action. the event is at the end of this month. a-aaaawesome. th-this...this is fine. we'll figure this out, i mean, they—they always do, so—!

[atopearth]

Slow Damage Part 2 - Rei Izumi Route

Is Arata Lisa? They look similar hahahah. I expected to not get to know much about Towa's past in Taku's route even though I feel like we should have gotten at least something lol, but it's interesting to know from Rei's route that Towa had a little sister who passed away from illness when she was young. I always found it weird that Rei never invited Towa to the Christmas party just because it's not his route hahaha, so I'm looking forward to it now. It feels terrible that Arata was jumped and beaten so badly, I really hope there's no scars left on their body and face. I agree with Arata that the Christmas party should still be held since giving hope at this time is so important when everything else is so depressing. I didn't realise Towa was okay with Rei telling anyone that he's the artist Euphoria but I guess Towa doesn't really care lol. If he's risking his life every time to create his paintings, I doubt he really cares about his identity being revealed especially to someone like Mizuno who seems harmless. I didn't expect Rei to pick up Towa on a motorcycle, that was cool! I was thinking Rei was going to be a target and get injured but omg, it looks so bad, I'm so sad, it looks so painful. I'm glad Rei is recovering and got honey toast takeaway from Towa! I mean, he had to request it but still good. How does Mizuno know Rei got attacked right after the Christmas party? Is that where the hole is in his lies? I'm so glad Mizuno/Kirihara dropped his wimpy act because he looks much better as his real persona lol. I think it's quite sweet how Towa doesn't understand his emotions towards Rei and tries to brush them off, but then when he sees Rei getting beaten up, he tries to get them to hit him instead since he doesn't care about himself, but he doesn't want Rei to get hurt. I forgot to mention but I really love how this game puts so much effort into all the details whether it be CGs for most situations and scenes, effects like blood splatters on the screen and changing the character sprites to fit the situation such as Rei with bandages, Towa with blood etc, it really brings out the atmosphere better and I really appreciate it.

Sadly, I wasn't too into Kirihara, I think his madness was a bit too normal in the sense that in Shinkoumi, violence is basic and nothing surprising, him finding a kindred spirit in Towa is understandable to an extent and wanting to get Towa's attention by hurting Rei is probably realistic, but alike what Towa said to the guy initially, I found it very boring that his motive was because he was taking what he could get since the one he wanted to hurt him was his brother but his brother isn't here anymore. I guess the main issue for me was the execution since Mizuno wasn't a very interesting guy either and it's not like the game was hiding who the focus of this chapter was but we never really got to see the descent into madness like we did with Ikuina nor did we get to see something like the disgust and questionable actions of Asakura that made you think is he really that crazy or not. For Kirihara, it was just bland since all we see is him getting "bullied" and everyone getting hurt so it lacks on building him up as the culprit imo and if I was Towa, I definitely wouldn't have found inspiration in someone like him who was just a ball of violence in terms of hurting others and himself.

I want a New Year party that gives me a cake buffet like Roost does omg! Gotta say though, all the food in this game looks amazing, I still can't forget about that honey toast. I like Rei's condo, so clean, well-placed furniture, feels like a lot of thought was put into it which is cool. I really need Rei's oyakodon in my life right now OMG, I always play this game at night so I'm always hungry in the middle of the night😭 Rei overslept and missed work at the clinic?! I feel like that's highly unusual lol. I guess I'm similar to Rei in that respect. I don't mind it when other people are late and I'm waiting for them but when I'm the one that's late, I feel terrible. Rei is an interesting character because I feel like there's so much supposedly going on with him as a person, his body modifications and his love for Deathmatches but it's kinda disappointing that we're only getting to explore a bit of that now which is quite a drastic difference from how he is usually, and especially when he said there's something wrong with Kirihara etc when he is also one for violence even if it isn't as twisted I guess as it was for Kirihara. I never realised Rei had a team consisting of Junko, Honami and Arata though. It's nice to know that it's actually not difficult to travel outside Shinkoumi, Towa just never bothered to lol.

It's crazy that Rei became burdened with his father's enormous debt without his knowledge. It's so sad how he feels so trapped by it all that he wants to enjoy one last dessert buffet with Towa before he can't enjoy himself anymore. Towa suggesting that he'll help Rei get off was so random LOL but I guess it was kind of him in his own way? Hahaha. I wish I could go to a dessert buffet but I can't eat as many as Rei hahaha. We were definitely robbed of a CG of Rei licking Towa's hands clean from cake cream. Even Towa was surprised Rei did it lol. It's crazy to see the audacity of Rei's father to expect Rei to pay his debt just because of their blood ties even though they haven't been in contact in so many years, the entitlement is through the roof. It's so sweet how Junko, Honami and Arata are such good friends. They hurt for Rei and hate that everything is so unfair to him. I really liked the interrogation part for Rei, I think it really encapsulated well Rei's worries and the playfulness but also the concern Towa has for him. I'm actually surprised Rei's father has a job. I understand not having the conscience to just leave his father to die but seeing Rei so dejected and risking his life to pay this debt is so not worth that guilt. Rei's father did human trafficking and wants to do it again for money? Wow, he really smiles and does crazy shit like nothing.

If you die for losing in those Moneymatches, are the losers dying by the opponent in the actual fight itself or as punishment for losing? If it's the former, then Rei is crazy to kill others to repay a debt for someone like his father. It breaks my heart to see Rei in so much pain winning Moneymatches but losing his soul one by one because every win is another death he's adding to his death count and to his sins. I've been really enjoying all the interrogation parts with Rei because I think it really feels like a conversation to draw out everything Rei is repressing inside himself. I'm glad Rei finally told Towa why being beat up was so traumatic for him because I never really got it. But knowing his past with how his dad basically discarded him as a person after finding out he was gay and then Rei finding comfort in being a true "man" when fighting but then having that all shattered when he got overpowered. It's really difficult. Especially when no one can really say what exactly is a "real man". I really hate Sakaki for manipulating Rei into doing these Moneymatches by telling him that if he doesn't do it, he'll tell his dad to do human trafficking again and that's something Rei could never agree to. It doesn't help that you know how horrible his dad is and how happy he would be to do that just for money.

I still honestly think Taku and Rei are great together and I love how Taku bought him cream puffs, that was sweet. I find it so funny how Rei has constantly been telling Towa he's "hungry" but too tired to go somewhere and "eat" and Towa still doesn't get the hint😂 WOW, Rei was ready to cut his dick off and have Towa paint it and that's Towa's first memory of him? LOL I guess Rei really was in a bad place, I'm glad it hurt too much for him to go through with it and it felt like it wasn't what he really wanted because that sounds super painful. I loved the kiss after their fist fight, I think it was very fitting after Rei talked about his feelings about everything and then also physically released them. Lmao when they're having sex and Towa congratulated Rei for graduating from being a virgin😂😂 I need a Rei in my life because I would love to have French toast, sausages, fruit and yoghurt for breakfast! The food looks too good in this game seriously! I'm glad Towa told Rei how good his food is and that he's never thought of anything he's cooked for him to be bad. Rei did it for him all the time not expecting anything back so Towa telling him everything he made for him this whole time was good made it all feel worth it. It really makes me so happy for Rei to have such good friends. Every time I see how supportive, kind and empathetic Junko, Honami, Arata and Taku are, it makes me smile for Rei to see him so loved. I'm surprised there's some sort of humanity left in Rei's father to actually care when seeing him get all beaten up in the Moneymatch. OMG my jaw dropped when I saw Rei's new hairstyle, I did not expect that. I think it was sweet to end with them travelling together since that's what they kinda wanted to do before getting caught up in the debt, even though it was on a smaller scale haha.

Even though I'm not a fan of Kirihara, I do enjoy the insanity his VA brings with his voice. I've been looking forward to Kotarou's ending for a while so I'm disappointed in what we got. It was so much shorter than Mayu's and omggg sex in the bar toilet is not what I wanted. I could deal with violent but not toilet hahahah. Anyway, considering how disrespectful he was to Towa, I think it was quite mild and could have gone much more crazier, I mean it was pretty bad with him violently hitting Towa's head into the toilet stall door and eventually having him pass out from it and then leaving him there but I think if they wanted Kotarou to be a violent ass, I think it would have felt better if the writers went all out on it. Oh well, that CG of Towa smoking a cigarette at the end was beautiful and made up for it I guess. Now I'm starting to think Mayu's ending was so much more respectful even though that shit was nuts lmao. I guess it didn't help that Towa didn't seem to be turned on and didn't even get to come so it wasn't really sex, as Towa said, Kotarou really just treated him like a toy or a dumpster to unleash his load.

Wow, a Rei obsessed with Moneymatches even after repaying the debt is both sexy and sad. I feel bad for Taku trying to look for Rei and Towa but they just up and disappeared on him. Imagining Towa filled with keloid scars "decorated" by Rei is both horrifying and interesting. I guess Rei doing these body modifications on him is a sort of love as well. OMG, cumming in the crevice of Towa's empty eye socket??? That is nasty. Wow at the body modifications on Towa's back, I didn't realise it was literally a pattern on his back going through his skin like that omg that looks so painful. I kinda wished it looked better considering how painful it must have been. I think scars would have looked better but I guess Rei needs to show his skills🤣 just imagining the pain of those corset strings embedded in Towa's back getting pulled out during sex and the blood flying out is definitely not what I was expecting in this madness ending but dang it's so crazy, it's good.

Overall, Rei's route was quite..normal. I think after all the crazy in Taku's route where you follow along Ikuina and Asakura's stories, Kirihara just did not do it for me. I found his violence very "simple" in the sense that yeah he's got a traumatic childhood of being violently beaten by his brother and now he gets excited when he beats others and when others beat him, it's deranged but something quite "normal" especially in a place like Shinkoumi. I also don't feel like the progress into showing Kirihara as the culprit felt that well done because we didn't get to explore his actions as well as we did previously with others? Anyway, it just wasn't my thing. Personally, I really liked Rei as a character and think Taku and him would work well, but I still think that they could have explored so much more of Rei's character rather than just the deadbeat dad forcing Rei to pay off his debts because Rei is too kind to completely discard him to death. I always wanted them to explore Rei's body modifications etc so it was disappointing that we just got an average normal story of many people where debts of their parents ruin them, however I do like how it told us more about how the tags work, how you can leave this place and the Moneymatches. Rei being obsessed with violence as well to an extent was nice to explore I guess, but the most amusing thing was Rei being a virgin hahahah, it was funny to see how innocent he was so I guess normal for this route was fine.

[ecargmura]

My Happy Marriage Second Season Episode 6 Review - Mind Games

Because I am watching so many anime, writing chapters of my web novel, and also write as a part of my remote freelancing job, I have been very behind on a few of my reviews, so I’ll do my best to drop out consecutive episode reviews for My Happy Marriage S2 today.

For a joseimuke series, My Happy Marriage has a good mix of romance, fantasy and action. Heck, there’s a lot of action in this episode. I don’t even know if Kinema Citrus is known for action series, but the way it was animated here was pretty good, even if it’s short. Knowing that Usui is adept in both mind games and physicality makes him an extremely terrifying adversary. The dude looks like a dweeb yet he can dodge attacks from swordsman and can dish out fatal attacks with only a dagger.

His mind games are terrifying in that they can easily cause someone to betray another, like how he used Kaoruko to let him into the safehouse where Miyo was by putting an image and a setting where he tortured her father, yet he never did that. That’s really terrifying. He’s basically a genjutsu user if he was in the Naruto universe. Because he’s so good at mind games that it can lead to the receiver become perplexed and not in the right state of mind.

I’m glad that Miyo wasn’t kidnapped, but her status as a macguffin does get a little frustrating when her powers are extremely coveted yet she doesn’t know what her powers are—the same goes for the viewers. Just what are her powers? Her dream from before was basically predicting the future, so she has the ability to look into the past and future. How dangerous can they be?

I also don’t like how Miyo’s friends are essentially taken out of the story. For example, in the first season, her only friend was technically Kouji, but he’s been AWOL-ed after the first half of the first season due to his brother taking over the Tatsuishi family. Only a glimpse of him was seen in the OVA. Now, her only female friend Kaoruko has to return to the old capital because of punishment for betrayal. While she does get a lighter punishment since Mukadeyama requested for it, it sucks that I won’t get to see anymore cute moments with the girls. It’s like Miyo’s only allowed to have friends who are associated with Kiyoka in a way—well, being friends with Kaoruko was because of Kiyoka, but the friendship went beyond a mutual connection. Because of this, it feels like the only person Miyo is allowed to have around not associated with Kiyoka is Arata, her cousin.

Speaking of Arata, he’s in a complicated position. Since he was young, his entire purpose was to train himself to protect Miyo to the point that he doesn’t seem to have a sense of self outside of that. Now that Usui has shown up and with Takahito’s cryptic words, it feels as if Arata will be a traitor. Oh boy. Arata, I just started to like you and if you really are going to betray Miyo and Kiyoka, you’re dead to me and your forehead will forever be an ugly existence.

I wonder what’s next for the engaged couple? When will Usui strike again? What’s going to happen with Arata? I guess I have to find out in the next episodes I’ve missed. What are your thoughts on this one?

[pjsk-story-summaries]

Walk on and on Event Story Summary

TL;DR: In preparation for their next event, Vivid BAD SQUAD and their teammates decide to try writing their own songs to perform. An and Akito take the role for Vivid BAD SQUAD; though Toya is more knowledgeable in music theory, he struggles to create songs he is satisfied with. Akito tells Toya not to worry about it, but he still wants to try and write something.

After Arata showed the group an unfinished demo Souma had written, Toya decides to ask Souma for help on how to compose street style songs. Souma hesitantly agrees, unconfident in his own abilities. Through their meetings, Toya learns not only about various street sampling techniques but also about Souma and Arata's past. Toya recognizes himself within Souma's passion and dedication to both music and his partner, and realizes that feeling of support and drive is the missing feeling to be conveyed in his own song.

Toya then writes a song for Vivid BAD SQUAD based on these themes. Everyone else is so impressed by it that they decide to perform it along with Akito and An's song. Toya thanks Akito for being such an incredible partner.

Fan translation (lozy bug) / Song (Utsuro wo Aogu) 2DMV

Chapter 1: Toya does some solo practice outside, but notices he might be sleep deprived. He's been staying up late to listen to one of hid dad's CDs and compose. An and Akito have been the ones writing songs for Vivid BAD SQUAD, but Toya wants to do the same one day. However, he can't capture the "groove" those two can yet.

Arata ran into Toya practicing, so the two went to go visit Souma. Souma's glad the two have been performing well recently, and thanks Toya personally for helping Arata.

Some time later, during group practice, Arata proposes trying something new at their next event. He wants everyone to try writing a new song to perform based on a concrete theme. An proposes "stillness and action" as a possibility. Arata was surprised to hear An and Akito would be the composers for Vivid BAD SQUAD, assuming the role was Toya's. Akito tells Toya not to worry about it; he'll always be excited to sing something Toya wrote, one day.

Chapter 2: The groups talk about music for a little. Arata shows them all a song demo that moves them all; they're shocked to learn Souma was the one who wrote it. It was an unfinished demo they had been working on just before Souma's accident.

After practice, Kohane asks if there's anything she can do to help with the song. They tell her to just worry about singing it the best she can. Toya resolves to do the same.

Toya can't seem to stop thinking about writing a song. While looking for a space to practice, he ends up walking by Souma's hospital, so he goes to visit.

Souma's excited to learn about their song writing idea, but is also surprised Toya isn't the composer. Toya's knowledge of music theory allows him to create the "stillness" aspect of the theme, but struggles to create power or groove. Toya praises the track of Souma's he heard the other day and asks how to make something like that. Souma's not sure if he can do it, but he offers to teach Toya how to sample.

Chapter 3: Toya visits Souma for his first lesson. Souma explains that sampling in street culture is seen as a form of respect; when done effectively, it's honoring something that moved you. He also shows Toya that samples can be sounds from beyond music, like city sounds or egg cracking. The two begin practicing writing a track together.

Souma asks why Toya's so keen on writing a song for the group. Toya knows Akito wants to sing one of Toya's songs one day, but doesn't want to keep his partner waiting forever. He wants to contribute more to the group.

Souma has to go do some tests, so he leaves Toya with the laptop to keep working. Toya ends up realizing Souma had been working on the unfinished demo Arata had shown them the other day. Toya says the song is very freeing, which motivates Souma to keep working. He asks Toya to keep coming back to give that genuine feedback, and to keep this a secret from Arata and the others. He wants to give it to Arata one day. In turn, Toya wants to learn more about composing by working with Souma.

Chapter 4: Everyone's preparations for the event are going smoothly. Vivid BAD SQUAD heads to SEKAI after practice, but Toya stays back to go work with Souma. Akito gets worried that Toya's having home troubles again, but Toya reassures him that things are okay.

An, Kohane, and Akito are all a little worried about Toya, but know he's doing better at taking care of himself now. They all work on the song in SEKAI. Kohane asks to stay late to learn more about songwriting from the Virtual Singers. KAITO explains that writing a song is like MEIKO's cooking; difficult without knowledge and meticulous work, but personal and rewarding. KAITO helps her arrange some existing tracks together.

Meanwhile, Souma shows Toya the phrase he just wrote. Though it would be too muddy in the chorus, Toya's impressed by Souma's skill. Souma asks Toya what he wants to convey in his own song. Toya realizes he doesn't know.

Chapter 5: Toya's still struggling to understand what feeling he wants to share in his song. In the meantime, he learns more about Souma's love of music and his history with Vivid Street. Souma had always loved music, but truly felt like he belonged there after finding Vivid Street. He met Arata later during music class, and, impressed by his confidence, invited him to join him. Souma struggled to come up with a team name, but decided on Gurney flap to embody them running forward in the wind. Seeing RAD WEEKEND changed their lives. They practiced more and more with the hopes of surpassing the event, and Souma was confident he could do it as long as Arata was there with him. Now, Arata carries the dream for both of them.

Toya resonated with lots of Souma's story. He resolves to face his own music with the same love Souma shows.

Chapter 6: Toya meets the others in SEKAI to hear Akito and An's demo. He and Kohane had arrived first, and Rin accidentally shares that Kohane's been making her own music with KAITO. Kohane knows it's a bit selfish of her to want to do, but Toya knows exactly how she feels. She asks Toya for feedback on the track. He thinks the sound quality is low, but can hear lots of Kohane (and An's) sound within it.

Kohane's surprised Toya was able to figure out that much of her motivation from just that demo. KAITO suggests that it comes from Toya's background in classical music. It required lots of understanding composer's motivations. Toya thanks Kohane for helping him realize this strength, and congratulates her on her first track.

Chapter 7: The groups gather to show some of their new demos. Kotaro's song, as well as a comment from Kohane the night before, make Toya consider how audience impacts meaning for a song.

Toya goes to visit Souma again. Souma's impressed by Toya's natural talent for songwriting. He talks about how Arata always seemed to shine when singing his songs because he loved them so much. He mentions that now that he can't stand on stage wtih him, though, he doesn't feel like Arata's partner anymore.

Toya disagrees. He hears Souma's passion for music and Arata within this track, and knows he'll keep doing what he can to support him. Toya realizes this feeling of support and partnership is what he wants his own song to be about, too.

Chapter 8: Souma feels called out, but is happy that Toya cares so much to get to know him this well. He tells Toya to go home and work on his own track now that he knows what feeling he's going for, so Souma can work on his.

Akito means a lot to Toya. Because of him, he was able to escape classical music, find a new dream, and face his past. Toya wants to keep standing by his side and support him. He wants to support his whole team.

A few days later, after working on the demo as a team, Toya decides to show everyone his own song. Akito's excited, because he knows Toya's determination led him to put everything he had into this one.

Everyone loved the track. They could clearly feel what Toya was trying to convey. Toya almost slips that Souma was helping him with it, but instead tells Akito how much he's meant to have him as a partner. An calls out Akito for blushing. They all decide to perform this song along with An and Akito's.

[trixr4kidzz]

I WANNA TALK ABT ARATA FOR A BIT AND HIS CHARACTER

ARATA IS GOOD CHARACTER WRITING, U GUYS JUST HAVEN’T READ POWER OF UNITY AND/OR U DONT READ BETWEEN THE LINES (/HJ)

  BUT UHM I THINK.  It is important to start off by trying to understand where his actions came from. They fr don't justify it in any way, but it can be a fantastic point to start off for sympathy and still look forward to them becoming a better person (kinda like how Akito was hella out of line for punching Toya in the main story but u still feel bad knowing how much Bad Dogs means to him)

Arata seems to act so bitter because he is jealous that Akito and Toya still chase the same dream he has while being partners. This is not even up for debate, it's canonically implied. He doesn't even start to be cocky before Akito says "We're partners" and Toya notes that his demeanor seems to suddenly shift. I feel like it's pretty blatantly obvious that Arata can see himself in Akito,, A young kid who's shooting high, but feels confident as he still has his partner beside him for support. 

Arata doesn't have that anymore. He's clearly grieving the loss of his partner, even if he is still alive, he can't perform with Souma anymore because he was in a car accident. A lot of his actions in the first place seem to rise from bitter jealousy. Again, it doesn't justify his actions, but it explains them. He's had this dream for so much longer, worked so much harder, and now some other people are shooting for the same dream and getting close fast all because they're all still together with their closest partner. He thinks it's not fair to him that he had to have his chance ripped away all by circumstance, and half of it isn't even because he's jealous about the aspiration of surpassing RAD WEEKEND, He's jealous Akito still has someone he can call a partner and be with. In conclusion so far: Arata is GAY AS FUCK for Souma and basically Akitoya if instead of them supporting each other and reaching for their dreams, they had it ripped away from them in a swift instant.

Arata isn't jealous that his dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND is being taken up by other people, he's jealous of the fact that Akito has someone to share that dream with. It wasn't Arata's dream, it was his and Souma's dream, and when he's out trying to surpass it, even with Souma in the hospital, he tells people he's doing it for a friend. He's desperately clinging onto the idea that it is still the shared dream even if Souma can not even participate.

Also this first screenshot adds to my point that his initial bitterness started from missing his partner. It's implied by the end of Stray Bad Dog that Arata and Akito are on mutual terms of rivalry, but one built out of respect and recognition for the other's skill. In this screenshot, he's mentioning how Akito genuinely looks forward to Akito performing again before briefly lamenting how it'd be better if his partner was here. (Souma is referred to with they/them pronouns of this entire event for some reason?? I'm assuming it's a translation error, but in my heart it just means Souma is he/they #slay)

ANYWAYS I think that since they're now in a mutual place of respect, their relationship turns to one of sort of like a mentor and apprentice. In Power of Unity, (which is yet to be released in EN,) Arata mentions that he lost to Taiga and afterwards, he told him how to improve... The words confuse him and he doesn't know what to do.

Turns out, VBS is trying to get a feel at what holding an event feels like so they decide to do one but need people. Arata asks to join and they hesitantly do. Throughout the event he's genuinely trying to help them hype people up under the guise of Taiga's words. He really needs to stop and understand the people in this town and who they are... He even goes as far as to offer to change his song in the lineup to make it sound better instead of being self-important, a total 180 from his initial personality in Stray Bad Dog. He ends up getting distracted because Souma has recently transferred into a hospital in town and he starts taking calls about it and ends up inviting Toya and Akito to come visit with him. It's then they start to have a mutual understanding even more so of their dreams and Akito says "We're doing this even together - We're teammates." 

Arata then asks if he or Toya understands Taiga's words and they both say they don't but will do anything to try and understand for him. Eventually at the end, they hold the event together and just end up doing their best to do so. Arata says he has every intention of just figuring things out and working hard towards his dream with no shortcuts, but he wants to get there the fastest route possible and he feels like that's possible if he and Akito support each other and share their ideas and OHHHHFUHFU FUCK I LOVE THEM SO MUCH OK? THEY'RE FAMILY NOW :((((((((( <3 THEY ARE A TEAM. 

Hell, I'd even go as far as to argue that Power of Unity is as much of an Arata-centered event as it is an Akito-centric event... maybe even moreso Arata.

I just need all Arata haters who say "I don't like him bc of how he treated Akito. It makes me mad." to read power of unity bc AKITO ISN'T EVEN MAD AT HOW ARATA TREATED HIM ANYMORE LET IT GO U GUYS, LET IT GO.  /LH

[theredking260]

So can we talk about my favorite chapter of Tokyo ghoul:re 144? I know I'm skipping some pages but I'm just showing my favorite concept in the chapter.

First this page where you see kaneki's inner termoil (I always thought the lines being said we're from the variants of kaneki) as he lost by juuzou and I think this art in this panel is definitely one of my favorites.

Then this part haise tries to picture what would have happened, if he killed juuzou when they were still friends. which would have been way out of character for him to ever do it and kinda shows the hind sight guilt.

I'm still so surprised that haise would even come up with that thought, I always thought it would be one of the others to bring up the idea. Then now that I look at haise he looks more distressed in this page as in even he knew it was a silly idea, or that he was doing it to impress the one-eyed king?

Then Black Reaper questioning One-eyed kings actions and Haise there reassuring, kinda comforting him that the Arata Suits made him out matched so skill wise it wasn't his fault. With Eye-Patch throwing level headed suggestions on what they could have done and Reaper still being cold as possible.

giving the idea of just running with yomo and touka and how things could be different and now we come back to how kaneki lost almost all of his fights and how lonely he is with haise's side.

I definitely feel that this page is under appreciated on how kaneki's thought process of protecting everyone doesn't work. What would have happened if he fought with his friends instead of just protecting them? The best example I can picture is the Shuu arc with Touka, Nishki and Kaneki fighting Shuu and they actually won.

Once again this shows how if juuzou was alone it would have been a winning fight, but with abara working as a team to back him up it became a more winning fight for them. Then the little panic attack and argument with Eye-Patch and Reaper while reg Kaneki and Haise calm them down.

Then fear and acceptance comes in and the thought of missing touka and never getting to see her again always hits home..... "I wanna see touka"

And my heart completely melts when everyone calms down and thinks about touka and how they don't wanna die and never see her again. Now that they are all calm due to the thought of touka they start to assess the situation and begin to start the dragon.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Cristina Scabbia x Diablo: Inside metal and gaming’s most devilish crossover yet

Outstanding hack-and-slash remaster Diablo II: Resurrected isn’t just about polishing up the beloved original’s relentless fire and brimstone. In a striking collaboration with Lacuna Coil songstress Cristina Scabbia and bizarro YouTube star Mark The Hammer, it’s inspired the latest crossover between video games and heavy music, too…

When Cristina Scabbia first picked up the joypad, she had no idea she was steering herself onto a path that would still be throwing up juicy side-missions three decades down the line. A young teenager in northern Italy during the mid-’80s first generation video game boom, the future Lacuna Coil frontwoman didn’t have the spare cash for the cutting-edge equipment of the time, whose 128-colour palettes and blocky two-dimensional sprites felt utterly futuristic. When a local friend powered up David Crane’s 1982 masterpiece Pitfall! on their Atari 2600, however, it opened the doors to another world.

“I’ve been a gamer for quite a while,” her eyes light up at the memory. ​“I love video games. I love what you can learn from them. I love the stories they tell…”

Few games are as darkly compelling as Blizzard Entertainment’s legendary Diablo series. Bringing to life the dark fantasy realm of Sanctuary – a midpoint between the High Heavens and Burning Hells – its trio of classic titles chronicle the eternal conflict between mankind and the demonic legions led by Diablo, fearsome Destroyer Of Souls. When David Brevik’s original landed in 1996, it was a literal game-changer for the industry, raising the bar in terms of depth and detail, storytelling and character-building. 2000’s Diablo II raised it again, still revered by hardcore gamers as the greatest action-RPG of all, while 2012’s Diablo III brought the franchise into the modern era.

Fittingly, it’s against that shadowy backdrop that Cristina joins us today, to discuss Start Again, her musical collaboration with the minds behind thrilling 3D, HD remaster Diablo II: Resurrected.

Speaking from her high-backed gaming chair in front of an impressive PC set-up this morning, she looks ready for battle. A laid-back, dressed-down counterpart to her imposing onstage alter-ego, she is surrounded by stacks of proudly-displayed paraphernalia, from a plushie of Gremlins’ Gizmo and photos of her band, to figurines of her favourite virtual characters, spare controllers, and the ubiquitous energy drink refrigerator.

Anyone familiar with Cristina’s Twitch streams wondering if this might be a carefully-arranged studio space should think again. ​“It’s actually part of my living room,” she laughs. ​“There’s this big table that was supposed to be for dinners with friends, but as we would go out to eat instead, I decided to use it for something that I like, and filled it with computers, monitors and consoles.

“It’s where I play. It’s where I stream from. It’s the safe space.”

Diablo’s heroes work best when joining forces, and 30 minutes further north, in the town of Saronno, we meet Marco Arata – AKA YouTube sensation Mark The Hammer – Cristina’s collaborator on Start Again, and a playful like mind. ​“I was three years old when I first played on a Game Boy,” he smiles into the light of a bank of monitors, ​“and I never stopped.”

For readers not in the know, Mark is the uber-talented multi-instrumentalist who’s gained a reputation for uploading incisive, tongue-in-cheek videos to YouTube like Irritating Guitar Lessons and How To Create A Black Metal Song… Without Any Talent. Learning piano aged eight, he quickly graduated to electric guitar, bass and drums. He’s since been picked up as the live guitarist/keyboardist for Italian pop-hip-hop icon J‑Ax. The main Mark The Hammer YouTube channel has more than half a million subscribers, while its English-language alternative boasts close to 100,000.

Both accomplished, analytical, artistic minds, it feels key to Start Again’s success that the duo see gaming as a chance to switch off – less interested in graphics and game engines than narrative drive and world-building.

“Whenever you listen to a song as a musician, you have your brain working, thinking about what exactly is going on,” explains Mark. ​“I’m a big fan of acting and drama, too, and the same thing applies when you watch a movie. But when you pick up that game pad, you’re able to relax and [switch that part of your brain off]. It’s the only thing in my life that I can really say is completely relaxing.”

“I know that some people prefer creating groups or being part of a competition,” agrees Cristina, noting that Diablo, in particular, fits her play style ​“but I’m more of a selfish, solitary player. I don’t want to feel that competition while I play. I want to be able to relax and do things at my own pace, to have my own rhythm. I don’t necessarily think of games as an escape. For me, it’s a different world that I want to be part of, [parallel to] the real world. It’s not that I want to [run away and] live in the video game world. But when I’m playing, I want to stay there, I want to focus on what’s happening – I want to absorb all the vibes. It’s not just something that you’re watching: you’re part of it. You can choose your character. You can increase your power. You can pick your path and select your sides.

“There are things about this world that non-gamers could never really understand…”

Like all the best quests, it began with a message from out of the blue. Mark recalls the sense of absurdity, watching an email drop into his inbox that he couldn’t quite believe was real. “I remember opening the message and seeing that it was an opportunity to write [a song inspired by Diablo II] for the release of Diablo II: Resurrected. Oh, yeah, and you’ll have Cristina Scabbia from Lacuna Coil doing vocals. I was just like ‘What?!’”

Having dropped video game soundtrack cover albums Hammer Games Vols 1 and 0 in 2015 and 2016 respectively, Mark had pedigree in the field, but he struggled to comprehend the opportunity for such a high-profile collaboration.

“This is the game that I bought as a 14-year-old when it first came out back in the year 2000,” he fishes out his original CD-ROM jewel case for an unsubtle flex, ​“and you’re asking me to write an official song to go with it? That in itself is mind-blowing. But to be able to do that with the greatest singer in Italian metal?! I thought it was some sort of strange spam at first. When I realised that it wasn’t, it became amazing on so many levels.”

Not a huge fan of YouTube (nor, presumably, of the hack-and-slash sub-genre), Cristina’s manager didn’t quite know what to make of the invitation. Fortunately, having followed one of Lacuna Coil’s old guitarists through a laptop screen and into Sanctuary all those years ago, and already a fan of Mark’s videos, she didn’t take much convincing.

“I was just like, ​‘Mark The Hammer? I follow him!’” she grins. ​“Then, when they told me the project was to write a song for Diablo II: Resurrected, I immediately said yes. If you look back at interviews that I did years ago, whenever they asked me what dream I had or what is missing from my body of work, I’ve always said that I’d like to write something for a video game. When this came along, it was like, ​‘Hello…’”

Cristina admits that she struggled with writer’s block over lockdown. Having watched her native Italy become one of the first countries crippled by the spread of COVID-19, she was unwilling to create music with the power to transport her back to those most troubled of times. Compared to the glacial pace of the music industry over the last 18 months, however, dropping in at crunch time in a massive game’s release schedule came as an invigorating change of pace. The first message exchanged between Cristina and Mark was on August 23, with the song due online to coincide with Diablo II: Resurrected’s launch exactly a month later.

“When you have a deadline, it can either throw you down or really speed everything up and add an excitement,” Cristina muses. ​“For us, it was definitely the latter. We were perhaps a little bit tense about not knowing each other. Any time you’re working with someone new, you ask yourself these questions: ​‘Is he going to be nice? Is he going to be an asshole? Is he going to have the same ideas that I have? The same creativity? The same speed?’

“As soon as we started to text, though, I realised that Mark was really relaxed, really funny. He’s like me. We would send and receive messages in the middle of the night, and get immediate replies. It was like we’d opened the floodgates on an ocean of ideas.”

A high level of fandom was pivotal. Diablo’s angels and monsters – Greater and Lesser Evils – seem like characters lifted from metal album covers to begin with, and the chaotic action that spills from the streets of Tristram and the slopes of Mount Arreat that go down into the depths of Hell could hardly be better suited to metalheads who’re never happier than when throwing down in the pit. Cristina and Mark’s preferred player classes – Sorceress and Barbarian, respectively – even mirror their onstage personas. To simply phone in the sort of crowd-pleasing banger either of these musicians could write in their sleep would be to do the project a deep disservice.

Cristina reckons that if Diablo were a band, it would be either Judas Priest – all OTT outfits, pointy edges and demonic imagery – or Rammstein, spewing sheer pyrotechnic bombast. Mark contends that the larger-than-life, battle-obsessed aesthetic of Iron Maiden might be a better match, pointing out that many of the most monstrous iterations of Ed The Head wouldn’t look out of place in its deepest dungeons. We’d argue that the ominous, folky atmospherics of peak Opeth even more closely evoke the playing experience, echoing Matt Uleman’s iconic original score.

In the same way that Diablo II: Resurrected marks an upgrade for players in 2021 while maintaining the original’s dark heart – dynamic lighting, three-dimensional rendering and high-definition presentation bringing the action sharply up to date – this song needed to pay respect while still packing enough heft to make an impact on metal fans in 2021.

“Diablo is such an iconic game,” nods Mark. ​“I knew the original score. I knew the original atmosphere. I knew where it had to go, more or less. But it was a challenge to make something new while paying respect to the original. There were parts where I wasn’t sure where I was going, but as soon as Cristina got really into the project and added her vocals, it felt like everything [clicked].”

“Mark’s involvement was crucial,” Cristina presses. ​“Looking at that original soundtrack, I was thinking, ​‘This is such a classic – it’s so iconic – but it’s not singable.’ It felt like putting a voice over the top would ruin it. But as soon as I heard the music that Mark had written, it changed everything. He made it singable. He created so many different parts, that offered so many different scenes, so many different moods. There are atmospheric parts, but there are also heavier parts. It’s like a journey, from beginning to end…”

Part sweeping re-score, part fan’s perspective love letter, part limb-swinging metal banger, the finished track feels like a striking bridge between worlds. Is the aim for fans who’ve yet to discover the pleasures of metal or gaming to be able to walk across it?

“The worlds of metal and gaming have always been strongly connected,” reckons Cristina, highlighting the fact that they’re both tightly-knit outsider communities fascinated by the dark and fantastical, which can appear intimidating to outsiders looking in. Although she and Mark will happily welcome new fans, the main priority was to write a great song, hopefully tightening the bond between communities that already exists. ​“It’s a lifestyle,” she gestures. ​“If you see a metalhead, there’s a strong chance you’ll be able to talk about games – or vice-versa.”

Indeed, the lines have increasingly blurred over the last couple of decades. Countless rockers found their way into the world via the legendary Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater soundtracks. The Guitar Hero franchise brought songs as unusual DragonForce​’s Through The Fire And The Flames, Lamb Of God​’s Laid To Rest and Slayer​’s Raining Blood – not to forget Lacuna Coil’s Closer – into the non-metalhead sphere. Celebrities as high profile as Tenacious D​’s Jack Black have spearheaded their own digital-metal crossovers, while Avenged Sevenfold​’s M. Shadows cropped up as a playable character in Call Of Duty: Black Ops 4. Gamers have even increasingly taken to wearing branded T‑shirts a la those of their favourite bands, enabling them to recognise each other on the street.

On the other side of the coin, bleeding-edge artists like The Armed, Refused and Run The Jewels have recently been inspired to write specifically for games. Svalbard​’s Serena Cherry just started a one-woman black metal side-project called Noctule, dedicated to her favourite epic RPG. Hell, Cristina even tells us that pounding compositions by djent-influenced video game soundtrack maestro Mick Gordon are amongst the most listened on her personal playlist.

It’s down to a change in perspective, Cristina reckons, where intelligent eye for detail is now considered every bit as cool as a debauched hell-raiser attitude. Games’ intricate storytelling and epic design are recognised as on par with the finest parts of cinema, and e‑sports competitions regularly boast larger prize pots than those of their athletic counterparts.

“I was always part of the nerd world,” she says, with more than a hint of vindication. ​“A few years ago, it felt like it was almost something to be ashamed of to admit that you’re a nerd, as if you had this weird, ridiculous aura. But now, everybody – all these people who were never interested – seem to want to be involved in this world. I [sometimes think], ​‘Nah, you need to prove you’re really into it…’”

She’s not kidding. As if that massive cache of gaming equipment – from the original PlayStation to countless Game Boys and computer components – wasn’t proof enough, Cristina has even appeared as playable character The Shadow Sorceress in Iron Maiden’s ever-evolving Legacy Of The Beast mobile game. ​“It was such an honour, such a pleasure to create my own character and give all the directions for the outfit, which was basically the outfit I was wearing on the last Lacuna Coil tour before lockdown,” she grins.

Going even geekier, Lacuna Coil also just launched their own Horns Up tabletop card game, where players must fight their way to the front of the stage. ​“It’s something we’re all really interested in, but particularly our bassist Maki [Coti Zelati],” Cristina continues. ​“Every card is related to metal clichés. We even gave our fans the opportunity to see themselves on one of the cards…”

Although Lacuna Coil maintained their high-drama presence with September 2020’s Black Anima: Live From The Apocalypse stream and June 2021’s live album of the same name, Cristina was keen to use the time off to introduce fans to her character away from the band, emboldened to set up her own channel on Twitch.

“I just wanted to learn new things which could enrich my baggage of knowledge,” she enthuses. ​“I’m already singing, already writing, but I don’t want to fixate on those. Life is made up of so many different things that can enrich my music and my creativity. I was already a Twitch user, watching other people play games, but I didn’t know what my purpose was. I almost felt scared at first. I am a singer. I am somehow an entertainer. I like to talk, which is clear. But it’s different when you’re talking to a lot of people for a couple of hours – or more!

“Eventually, I decided to keep it as informal as I could so that people could see how Cristina is at home. Cristina isn’t just the singer of Lacuna Coil: I have a house, I have a life, I have passions, I have my own personality. I just wanted people to discover that. Luckily they also like this quirky side of me, which feels like the opposite that dark goth lady that so many people know. As much as I didn’t have purpose in the beginning, there’s now such a strong community every time I go online – such a clean place to exchange good vibes!”

Even the persistent undertones of sexism and misogyny that have plagued gaming, she pushes, are a speed bump to be put in the rearview, comparable to what she experienced when first making her name in heavy music.

“In metal, I encountered the same problem,” she explains, bluntly. “[Women becoming a major presence in the community] was something new, and when something is new, people have suspicions and doubts. They don’t know how to deal with it. But there are a lot of female gamers now, and a lot of females in metal. It’s been normalised, which it should be, because games and metal are for everyone.”

As the world comes back up to speed, hectic schedules mean that attention is turning away from screens, and back towards studio and stage. Mark is churning out more and more top-class YouTube content. Cristina has a packed diary, with a tribute concert for late collaborator Franco Battiato at the spectacular Arena di Verona this week, and another secretive collaboration in the works, not to mention writing for Lacuna Coil’s 10th LP, which has just begun – her creative fires reignited by bringing Start Again to life.

Having dipped toes in the video game world, though, they’re both keen to return.

“I really hope we do,” Cristina says. ​“As a fan of video games, it’s such a great chance to bring together these different passions in your life. There are so many different things I’d like to do, and places I’d like to explore in this world, but time is limited!”

“I loved the challenge here, and the process of collaboration,” nods Mark. ​“If we could work together again when it comes time to make Diablo IV, that would be amazing. I’d love the opportunity to have my own playable character in an Iron Maiden video game, too, but I’m not sure that’s achievable!”

“I thought the same thing,” grins Cristina, ever adventurous, as we wave farewell. ​“Never say never!”

Diablo II: Resurrected is out now on Nintendo Switch, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox X/S and PC.

[margarethelstone-2]

Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 1

“They both knew that it wouldn’t last, that, come tomorrow, the so undesired feeling of awkwardness would take over them again, to some degree at least. They would pass each other in the corridors and a nod and a smile would be all they might expect; they’d meet at the train station occasionally but fail to exchange more than a few words.

And yet somehow, it was fine. Because for the first time since Taichi’s confession, they could hope that the distance they had built was not that of resentment and sorrow, but of mutual respect and readiness to wait.

It was an agreement.”

A Taichihaya story set directly after the end of season 3. Based on the anime, not the manga.

Read under the cut and on AO3!

Chapter 1

Suddenly, like an explosion, the words Taichi said to me in our first year came back to me.

"Arata will come back someday for sure. Let's get stronger and wait for his return."

Let's get stronger.

Let's wait.

No matter how long it might take or how hard it might be, let's work, let's fight, let's be patient.

That's what Taichi had said, two years ago, as they’d sat on that train and gone home after their meeting with Arata, which only could have been called disastrous at the time. She'd had trouble believing him at first, so big her disappointment had been – so overwhelming the shock she'd felt when their childhood friend had as much as thrown them away from his house, despite all the effort they had put into coming there in the first place. And yet, she couldn't have disregarded his words completely, not with the sight of Arata riding his bike like a madman on the other side of the road and with the calm certainty echoing in Taichi's own voice.

It was his confidence that had made her regain her faith; his quiet presence and stubborn persistence that had prompted her to believe again, to follow the advice she surely would have disregarded if it had been nothing but words.

In a way, she was convinced that even if Arata hadn't shown up on his bike, or if she hadn't seen him for herself, it would have been enough to hear Taichi's comment to make her keep going.

After all, Taichi was never wrong.

She didn't always understand him – in fact, the last few months had shown her how little she did, how many things there were about him that she still couldn't comprehend, or things she had been too blind to notice. His confession to her a few weeks prior had been a blow, only made more painful by the following distancing that had led him all the way to giving up on karuta and their club.

The club they had built from scratch.

Had he really expected her to stay after that?

Her eyes welled up again, as she stared at the photo Arata had sent her – sent them both, she assumed, since it would have made no sense for him not to send it to Taichi as well. No matter how Arata felt about her, or how all of the sudden her two dearest friends had become rivals in more fields than karuta, the fact remained that Arata and Taichi were still friends to one another.

Or at least, she desperately hoped they still thought of each other in those terms.

More tears came and ran swiftly down her cheeks, the bright screen of her phone doing nothing to make her eyes sting any less, but then again, she could hardly bring herself to care. Vaguely aware of the other students standing around her as well as the glances they were currently giving her, she kept looking at the device, at the bright smiles Arata and his new teammates were giving her. They were so glad, so hopeful, so extremely enthusiastic...

They were everything the Mizusawa team had been in the photo she'd sent after they'd qualified for the nationals for the first time, even though she was pretty sure that she'd been crying of happiness in that one.

He will come back someday for sure.

The words came back to her again, once again proving that Taichi's guess hadn't been an incorrect one... Except this time, it was Arata's voice she was hearing and Taichi's name that was being pronounced. It was naive, foolish, even. For all she knew, Arata wasn't even aware that they had left their precious club and therefore, had no intention of going to Omi Jingu like he expected them to.

And yet... There was something about that message, or maybe about the way he looked in the photo that made her nearly certain that he did know, and that this particular email was not sent out to brag. It was meant to remind them of something – to prompt them to take action, just like their visit in Fukui had prompted him to do it before.

He had come back. And so would Taichi, in due time.

And she would let him, without nagging him or pressuring him, without begging him to come back for her sake. Right now, they both needed time to heal; and time she would grant him.

Right after she talked to him one more time.

She was back on her feet in no time, and running towards the library as if her life depended on it. She burst through the door with a force that was as unfitting to the place as it was characteristic of herself, a perfect reverse of her abnormally quiet behaviour that week. She came over to her desk with no hesitation, no waver in her step, and took the bag she'd left there before leaving right after. She missed the amused look the Empress gave her, as well as the proud twinkle of recognition that sparkled in her eyes.

Three minutes later she was out of the room, out of the school, racing towards the train station that was bound to take her to Taichi's home. She made it just in time, red and sweaty, and barely able to breathe, and yet, feeling more glad with herself than she had in the course of those miserable few weeks.

The satisfaction only made her push harder after she'd left the train – she had travelled that distance thousands of times by now and still, she was sure she had never covered it in such a short span.

She had no doubt that Taichi would have called her an idiot for straining herself so badly.

Smiling against the new lump that rose in her throat, Chihaya wiped away the tears that threatened to fall down from her lashes once more and took a deep breath, hoping that her eyes weren't as red as she was afraid they were. After all, the task she was about to commence was not an easy one; she didn't need her appearance to betray her inner state when she tried so hard to keep it concealed.

Especially as she still couldn't be sure who would answer the door this time.

Bracing herself, she took the final step and rang the bell, while simultaneously summoning all of her strength and will in order not to spin on her heel and run away at this most crucial point. She had been determined before, and that particular thing had not changed; however, the longer she waited on the steps of Taichi's house, the more she wondered why she was being made wait in the first place.

If Taichi was home... if he knew it was her and decided to ignore it...

Well, that would have been enough to discourage the fiercest soul, while at the time, Chihaya couldn't feel anything but the opposite of that.

She was vulnerable and she knew it; and the more time had passed, the more afraid she became of how – and when – her weakness might take over her eventually.

Right when she was about to give in to her anxiety and run away for real, the door opened to reveal none other than Taichi's dauntless mother. The sight made Chihaya's head spin a little, but she pulled herself together quickly, for once feeling that her quest was more important than any of the glares or remarks she may receive in return.

Bowing low before her host, she choked out desperately, "Please forgive me for the interruption. I need to see Taichi. Is he at home?"

She knew it was not a perfect greeting and certainly not judging by Mrs. Pressure's sky-high standards. Still, she could not afford more; every word she pronounced made her come closer to breaking apart again, and the last thing she wanted was to make a spectacle of herself before any of the Mashima family members.

She supposed it was inevitable when she finally stood face to face with Taichi, but that was no reason to let herself crumble before that time.

"Taichi is at the cram school, preparing for his exams." Reiko's cold, impassive answer roused her from her musing. "He'll be going there regularly this year. Has he not told you that?"

"I-" Chihaya stuttered ineloquently, which obviously earned her another stern look from Taichi's mother. She shook her head and straightened up, intent on not bringing even more confusion into this already difficult conversation. "I suspected he might be doing that. I know how serious he is about medical school... But the last few weeks have been a little chaotic for us all, so we didn't get to talk much."

Reiko raised an eyebrow at her.

"Chaotic, you say?"

"Yeah – yes."

"And that's what you need to talk to him about?"

Chihaya felt her heart speed up – the feeling all the more unexpected as at the same time, she could swear her blood had run ice cold in her veins – however, she remained unmoved. Gathering her courage once again, she raised her gaze to look the other woman directly in the eye and replied, "It is. So if... If you could tell me when you expect Taichi to be back home, I will be most grateful."

She waited breathlessly, her whole body itching to flee. Taichi wasn't there; he wouldn't be there for some time, hence, there was literally no point of her staying any second longer than absolutely necessary. She didn't expect his mother to be particularly helpful, either, given the kind of attitude she had always displayed towards her...

...and yet, she stuck around anyway.

As long as Reiko didn't tell her to give it a rest and go home, she would not retreat. As long as there was the tiniest spark of hope to hold onto, she would not back down.

"I don't know that," she heard her answer at last. "He was supposed to return more than an hour ago, however, he called me to say that he would be staying longer. Apparently he has found his tutor to be extremely competent, so he wants to make the most of it before regular school work kicks in too hard. I asked him when he intended to return, but even Taichi couldn't tell me that. I would not expect him for another hour, however, maybe more... So I'm afraid you won't be able to see him at all today."

"I... I see," Chihaya stammered in response, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for telling me. I'll be on my way then. Have a good night, ma'am."

She bowed again and turned around at last, quiet and stunned, her whole posture slumping under that unwelcome new development. She shouldn't have been surprised – shouldn't have been upset. She had assumed that Taichi might not be at home before she'd even reached his household, and the view of his mother opening the door for her had only confirmed her suspicions. The fact that Taichi had decided to stay at the cram school and study longer was hardly astonishing, either – she'd known him long enough to expect nothing less from him.

He could be the most ambitious, most stubborn person she'd come across, if only he chose to be – and, while her own ambitions made her hot-headed and inattentive, her greediness always making her spread herself too thin... Taichi could still remain organised and composed, setting up plans and following them despite the many obstacles that came in his way.

And given how determined he seemed to burn all of his bridges and cut all the ties now...

Focusing on cram school seemed like the most obvious choice.

And yet, as unsurprising as it was, learning that particular bit of information still managed to leave her feeling empty, as if all hope, all expectations she had built up so far had been sucked out of her by the use of one simple statement. Up until the very last moment, Chihaya had hoped that she might still be able to speak to him that day – even if it meant wandering around the place for the next hour, waiting for Taichi to return, even if it meant going to her own home and then coming back after she received the news of him arriving.

Now, it was clear that neither was possible.

Behind her, she could hear the sound of a door closing. She had to bite her lip to stop it from trembling, but refused to show the signs of resignation that were slowly but surely taking over her. She told herself that it wasn't much of a deal; after all, she and Taichi still attended the same school so if she tried hard enough, she should be able to reach him without that much trouble. It would be difficult and awkward, what with all those people around them... But it wasn't impossible.

If they could reach Arata and get him to respond, then approaching Taichi surely had to be possible as well.

She was mere feet away from the pavement when she felt her phone buzz. It was more of a reflex than anything else, but she pulled it out anyway, not even bothering to guess who it was that was messaging her now. It could have been her mum, or Chitose, or maybe one of the karuta club members wanting to learn how she was faring – after all, just because she'd taken a break from the game and left the club didn't mean that they had stopped being her friends. It could have even been Arata, for all she cared, sharing more information about his own brand new team or asking about why she'd decided to leave hers...

Any other time, she would have had a million ideas as to who might have been the sender and responded enthusiastically to each and every one of them.

Right now, however, there was only one person from whom she wanted to hear.

Sadly, he was also the one person who sure as hell wouldn't have contacted her.

Only after turning the corner did she stop to look at the device in her hand, while silently praying that the message would not require her immediate response, and certainly not a lengthy or particularly eloquent one. She stopped short at the sight of an unfamiliar email address and the message that demanded no reply at all.

It was an address.

"But who would..." she whispered, bemused, her eyes once again glued to her phone screen and a message she'd had no reason to expect. Her question lingered in the air, unfinished as she reread the message, once, twice, three times. She knew the name of the street; the name of the institution mentioned also rang a bell, even if she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet. She nearly jumped when the device vibrated again, announcing the arrival of another message, and from the same person no less.

Taichi's cram school isn't far off from here, you should be fine going there on foot. I take it you can find your way there.

Chihaya's eyes were wide as she skimmed that most recent email, now more than ever astonished with what she was reading. Who could have sent her the address of Taichi's school and with a commentary so direct and – in a way – casual? And now, after she had just talked to his mother and was sent on her merry way? Was it Rika, Taichi's little sister, who had overheard the conversation and decided to help her out behind her mother's back? They weren't exactly friends, if anything, Chihaya would have said that Rika's attitude towards her was just as haughty and belittling as that of Reiko... However, if not her, then who?

Surely, it couldn't have been...

"Mrs. Pressure?!" she cried abruptly, and so loudly that the passer-bys on the parallel streets could be seen startling at the noise. As for Chihaya, her brow rose even higher when she'd shifted her gaze back to the enigmatic email address which under closer inspection proved to be that of Mashima Reiko, indeed. The sudden turn of events made her head go dizzy, just like the sight of the aforementioned woman had just a few minutes earlier.

So she doesn't completely hate me... Chihaya thought, a weak but warm smile blossoming on her overly tired face. Or at least, she doesn't think it would be harmful for me to see Taichi now, which on its own is a big thing. Or does she...

Does she realise how unhappy Taichi is right now and thinks I can help with that?

"Or maybe she knows he hates me and wants me to find out for myself," she added under her breath, her lips curving in a grimace. "I can never tell what that woman really thinks."

She shook her head again, however, ashamed of the reaction she'd just displayed, and even dared to voice. Whatever her intentions were, the message Reiko had sent was a huge help, for which Chihaya decided to remain eternally grateful, regardless of how her talk with Taichi went in the end.

Plus, there was something about that email, something she couldn't point out but felt nonetheless, which seemed much more like a blessing than a trap to her.

Maybe she was being a naive airhead again, but that was what she chose to believe.

"Alright, it's time for action then!" she told herself and slapped her cheeks, this time bringing to herself the attention of the fellow human beings walking down the street. Focused on her goal, she remained ignorant to their reactions and continued in the same manner, without a trace of hesitation in her, "If I get this right, Taichi is about twenty minutes on foot away from here. I can make it ten. I will make it eight!"

She broke into a run right then and there, not even bothering to put her phone away, and not because she thought she might need to check the address again. She was already late; she couldn't afford a second more.

She'd already screwed up so badly: when Taichi had confessed his love to her and she couldn't have brought herself to answer him openly; when they still practised together but she was too overwhelmed to respond even to the tiniest of signals; when she'd missed the moment when he'd made up his mind about leaving the karuta club; when she had ran after him when she'd finally learnt that but instead of trying to help and understand him, she'd once again focused on her own selfish needs and begged him not to leave her.

Day after day she'd gone on screwing up even more, unable to find the right words she should speak to him, or maybe simply having been too much of a chicken to approach him with the ones she'd had in mind.

He'd called himself a coward, while the only one deserving of that name was her.

I won't mess up again, she repeated to herself in between her long strides. I won't let my fears take the better of me. I'll get to you, Taichi, I'll find you and talk to you and make sure you hear every single word this time. So wait for me! Don't go home just yet, don't make me miss you again! I will reach you this time!

Her eyes were full of tears again, and not because of the wind and dust that blew in her face. She wiped them hastily, again and again, but it was of little use; and yet, while the dark smudges marked her cheeks, her smile grew wide, once again mirroring the hope that seemed to have left her. The faster she ran, the more tired she was, the greater and more positive the emotions that filled her heart became.

Taichi's words resonated in her mind but they were no longer a threat; somewhere along her feverish race they'd turned into a dare, a challenge she had to rise to. It wasn't going to be easy – she still couldn't give him the reaction he wished for, but she could at least face the truth of his feelings towards her and respond to that truth with a clear, honest answer.

He was her best friend in the entire world. And even if he still needed her to step away for a time, she refused to call it anything but a temporary change.

She was willing to give him space and freedom, if that was what he wanted from her – but she could not imagine a scenario in which she let their friendship end without putting up a fight first.

She wasn't capable of letting him go like this.

She was way too greedy for that.

And she cared for him too much.

"I love you," he had said. "I love the fingernails that you never grow. I love your fingers and your hair, and the mouth you open wide like an idiot. I love your face when you laugh. I love you."

He'd found so many ways to tell her the same, single truth, when he could have easily backed off. Taichi was clever, there was no way that he couldn't grasp her reaction from the very first moments of that stunned, hollow silence that had come over them because she couldn't have uttered a single word on her part. He'd known that she would not respond in kind, that she would not accept him, no matter how long he might have waited for her.

She knew their friendship meant the world to him, too, and so he'd had every reason to retreat and turn the tables again. If he had told her it was a joke – if he'd said that it was just a dumb prank and she was silly to take any of it seriously, she would have believed him.

And yet, he hadn't. In fact, he'd done the opposite, pushing forward until it was all out in the open. Every feeling he'd suppressed, every ounce of affection he'd spent years hiding from her, it was there; even if it hadn't resonated fully in his words, it'd still been reflected in his body, his expression, in the way he'd looked at her. Those big, bright eyes so full of tenderness she'd never been allowed to see, or maybe simply had failed to recognise.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

He had given himself up, made himself completely and entirely vulnerable. Hers to take, and hers to reject. He had offered her his heart, even though he must have known how slim his chances had been.

She had taken that heart and crushed it, and hadn't even had the guts to tell him why.

She arrived at the cram school, one full minute before her proclaimed eight. She stood there for a while, panting, gasping for air she couldn't take well because she kept choking on her sobs. Her hair was a mess, long locks sticking out in all directions while her face was smeared with the mixture of her tears and the dust that had accumulated on her cheeks when she'd dashed towards her destination, the result only made worse by her constant rubbing when she'd tried to wipe the tears away.

She sure was glad that she wasn't wearing any mascara that day – though on the other hand, she very much doubted that it would have changed much.

Focus, she chided herself, simultaneously reaching up to comb her hair with her fingers and contemplating whether or not she should bind it. I'd say it doesn't matter how I look – I'm not here to make an impression, only to talk to him. But Taichi is perceptive... he will notice that something is wrong. And I don’t want him thinking about me today.

She took a deep breath, then another. She straightened up and squared her shoulders, readying herself in the same way she had before ringing at the Mashima residence earlier on, her left hand still buried in the maze of fair strands, while she rummaged through her bag with her right. Somehow, she managed to find a – moderately – clean towel that she could use to clear up her face. She got to work right after, still unsure of how much time she actually had, yet determined not to waste a second.

She didn't have a mirror to look into and make sure that she was presentable enough. She was Ayase Chihaya, a pretty nitwit who never remembered to carry anything that girls like Chitose (her own sister) or Hanano (her surprisingly supportive friend) would have deemed indispensable in a young girl's bag.

A true beauty in vain who couldn't even make sure that she looked decent enough when it mattered.

She heard a noise coming from in front of her and raised her gaze instinctively. With her eyes fixed on the front door, she pricked up her ears, waiting for another sound to come and carry the information she was so eager to learn. Was it Taichi that had made the first one? Was it because he was close to the door, preparing to leave? Or was the sound a random one, and not an announcement of his departure? What was the chance that it had been him that had made it?

She waited impatiently but no other noise came. She supposed it was to be expected – the one she'd heard before was probably caused by some incident, like someone walking into a trash bin, so definitely not something people did every day. Besides, even if it had been someone readying themselves to leave, what reasons did she have to think it would be Taichi she'd see come out?

It was foolish to expect him right after she'd got there.

Timing like that didn't happen in everyday life.

And yet, as if to refute her scepticism with a miracle that should not have been possible, the door cracked open, and she saw Taichi standing in it. With one hand on the handle and one foot over the threshold, his body was still mostly turned to the inside of the building as he said his goodbyes to whoever was in charge. Posed like this, he obviously couldn't see her; but it was only a matter of seconds before he turned again and crossed the doorstep, and then he would have no choice but to face her.

For what seemed like a hundredth time that day, Chihaya felt her heart slow down so much that it seemed to have stopped beating at all, only to pick up its pace with double force a short moment later.

She wasn't ready to meet him and yet, all she prayed for was that he wouldn't run away from her before she could tell him what she had come to say.

Lost in her pleading, she instinctively closed her eyes and thus missed the very moment she'd been so anxious to come upon. It was right after her eyelids closed and her head lowered in a small bow that Taichi did turn around and saw her – and she was too busy clenching her fists and muttering wishes to witness it.

Too much of a mess to properly greet him.

She didn't see the shock that reflected on his countenance when he recognised her. His widened eyes and raised brow, the slight gap between his parted lips, the way his cheeks flushed against his knowledge and will – it was all lost on her, not because she didn't care but because she cared too much.

They stood like this for a while: he, unable to speak because of his astonishment and she, so determined not to miss her chance that she'd become unaware of the world around her. If Taichi had decided to walk past her, she wouldn't have noticed until he was a good few metres behind her.

She would have missed the chance the Heavens had granted her, and all because she was so afraid of that very thing happening.

And yet, the same Taichi who had done his best to ignore her at school – the same boy she'd expected to flee at the sight of her or at best, to say his 'hello' coolly and leave her behind right after – the same boy still stood at the top of the stairs that led to the building, eyeing her cautiously, unhurriedly, as if it was both the first and the last time he'd been given the chance to look at her like that.

His face showed a full range of emotions, from surprise to confusion, to anger, to eagerness, before he eventually managed to summon his trademark stoicism and successfully hide all of those feelings behind a mask of indifference he'd been forced to wear before her so many times before, for both their sakes.

Lost in her thoughts, Chihaya didn't see any of that.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. The simple question was enough to make her bubble pop and spatter into a thousand million drops, a soft, warm mist that now fell down around her. "Shouldn't you still be at school, studying? Or I don't know, at home?"

Unlike the burning feelings swirling inside her, Taichi's words were cold, icy even. His tone bore no emotion and his face was, yet again, an inscrutable mask, one that she'd come to hate so fiercely, because she now knew how much was hidden underneath.

"Why, Taichi? Why do you do everything alone?"

Why don't you trust us?

Why don't you trust me?

He hadn't trusted her before – how could she expect him to trust her now?

"I couldn't focus in the library," she replied, a little too fervently, just like she always did. "I tried for hours, but I wasn't learning anything."

Taichi turned his head away, huffing. "Nothing new there. But that hardly explains why you are here."

"You weren't at home. Your mum gave me this address."

"And why were you at my home of all places?" he asked again, his aloofness fading away a little in favour of genuine curiosity, although it was clear that he still wanted to keep some of his walls standing. "You haven't been there in ages, it's not like you've had a chance to leave something behind and had to pick it up. And no offence, but hell will freeze over before my mother invites you for a chitchat."

"I wasn't there to see your mum," Chihaya answered him. Her gaze was still locked with his and her chin was raised high, as if she'd wanted to prove that his frigid responses weren't enough to intimidate her... but her voice was quiet and certainly not as firm as she would've liked it to be. Still, she kept going. "I came to see you. And you weren't there."

"But why?" Taichi wouldn't give up. "Why didn't you just look for me at school today? Or, if it was more recent, why not tomorrow? Gosh, Chihaya, you could have called me..."

"Don't you act as if it was so easy to catch you between classes," she replied with annoyance, her usual fire kicking in again. "I barely see you at all. And it's not something I want to talk about on the phone, either."

Silence fell over them again, Chihaya's words still echoing between them. She was looking at Taichi now, and so this time, she could see the change in his features perfectly. The alterations weren't big: a slightly more focused gaze, the most insignificant narrowing of his eyes, the fingers that twitched as if they'd been about to curl into fists but were stopped violently at the very last moment.

Her own vision had never been anywhere near as good as her hearing; she wasn't the most observant person, either. In fact, most of the time, she was downright oblivious...

And yet, she hadn't missed any of his microexpressions this time.

"Stupid," he said eventually, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers and fixing his eyes on the ground before him. "What could you possibly have to say that I need to hear in person?"

And there it was, the susceptibility he'd been trying so hard to conceal but failed to do so in the end, not because he hadn't worked hard enough but because Chihaya's senses made it impossible for her to fall for any pretence on his part. It wasn't just her hearing, or just the fact that she'd known him for years, or even that she was more concentrated now than she had been in the toughest, most demanding of matches – but the combination of all those, additionally supported by her own enhanced sensitivity, that had made it possible for her to see through his defences more clearly than when he had taken them down for her himself.

She did it against his will and against his wishes, and somehow, it worked miraculously.

"You're not a coward!" she exclaimed with as much passion as she could muster, loudly, confidently, despite the tears that were once again gathering in back of her eyes and the tightening of her throat that she couldn't have prevented. "You said you wanted to become someone who isn't one, but that would mean that you are a coward now, and must change to achieve that. And I refuse to believe that!"

She inhaled sharply and blinked in order to keep the annoying, salty drops from falling down too soon. Her golden irises shone with tears and zeal alike; captivated by the vision, Taichi failed to use his only chance to interrupt her speech this time.

"You're not a coward," she repeated, with the same tenacity ringing in her tone. "Even if that's what you think you are, or what you were back then... It doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past, Taichi, because you have already changed. Without even realising it, you've grown, so much that sometimes I catch myself not recognising you, regardless of how long we've known one another. Just those last two years we spent together prove beyond doubt that you couldn't be further from giving in to your fears and giving up, which is exactly what cowards do. You're ambitious and determined, and you don't let failures get in your way.

"And if you still think this isn't enough," she picked up after another short pause. "If you still need evidence greater than that... Then know that telling me about what happened when we were in sixth grade – telling me about what really happened to Arata's glasses, and after all these years... That is the greatest sign of courage to me."

She didn't say anything else, letting her words reverberate, not expecting to receive an answer to her ardent, most heartfelt speech, but leaving it for Taichi to discern and interpret for himself. She hadn't come here to argue with him, after all. The subject was still too sore for them both and besides, she knew that no discussion could do them any good.

She'd come to meet him to tell him this one specific thing, because something in her had told her that it was important and that Taichi should be allowed to hear it as well. It was the one burden she could lift from his shoulders and therefore, she had to. She knew that, compared to all the misery she'd caused him, it was not even a beginning of repayment... However, she had to do something.

She wasn't going to do more, though. She wasn't wanted here anymore, she wasn't needed. She'd fulfilled her quest and was not eager to cross the boundaries again.

Slowly, attentively, she bowed her head and cast down her eyes, a silent 'goodbye' that was better left unsaid.

Then she turned and walked away towards the gate.

It took all of her strength not to break into a sprint again.

[margarethelstone]

Our Sleeves Were Wet With Tears | Chapter 1

“They both knew that it wouldn't last, that, come tomorrow, the so undesired feeling of awkwardness would take over them again, to some degree at least. They would pass each other in the corridors and a nod and a smile would be all they might expect; they'd meet at the train station occasionally but fail to exchange more than a few words.

And yet somehow, it was fine. Because for the first time since Taichi's confession, they could hope that the distance they had built was not that of resentment and sorrow, but of mutual respect and readiness to wait.

It was an agreement.”

Read under the cut and on AO3!

Chapter 1

Suddenly, like an explosion, the words Taichi said to me in our first year came back to me.

"Arata will come back someday for sure. Let's get stronger and wait for his return."

Let's get stronger.

Let's wait.

No matter how long it might take or how hard it might be, let's work, let's fight, let's be patient.

That's what Taichi had said, two years ago, as they’d sat on that train and gone home after their meeting with Arata, which only could have been called disastrous at the time. She'd had trouble believing him at first, so big her disappointment had been  – so overwhelming the shock she'd felt when their childhood friend had as much as thrown them away from his house, despite all the effort they had put into coming there in the first place. And yet, she couldn't have disregarded his words completely, not with the sight of Arata riding his bike like a madman on the other side of the road and with the calm certainty echoing in Taichi's own voice.

It was his confidence that had made her regain her faith; his quiet presence and stubborn persistence that had prompted her to believe again, to follow the advice she surely would have disregarded if it had been nothing but words.

In a way, she was convinced that even if Arata hadn't shown up on his bike, or if she hadn't seen him for herself, it would have been enough to hear Taichi's comment to make her keep going.

After all, Taichi was never wrong.

She didn't always understand him – in fact, the last few months had shown her how little she did, how many things there were about him that she still couldn't comprehend, or things she had been too blind to notice. His confession to her a few weeks prior had been a blow, only made more painful by the following distancing that had led him all the way to giving up on karuta and their club.

The club they had built from scratch.

Had he really expected her to stay after that?

Her eyes welled up again, as she stared at the photo Arata had sent her – sent them both, she assumed, since it would have made no sense for him not to send it to Taichi as well. No matter how Arata felt about her, or how all of the sudden her two dearest friends had become rivals in more fields than karuta, the fact remained that Arata and Taichi were still friends to one another.

Or at least, she desperately hoped they still thought of each other in those terms.

More tears came and ran swiftly down her cheeks, the bright screen of her phone doing nothing to make her eyes sting any less, but then again, she could hardly bring herself to care. Vaguely aware of the other students standing around her as well as the glances they were currently giving her, she kept looking at the device, at the bright smiles Arata and his new teammates were giving her. They were so glad, so hopeful, so extremely enthusiastic...

They were everything the Mizusawa team had been in the photo she'd sent after they'd qualified for the nationals for the first time, even though she was pretty sure that she'd been crying of happiness on that one.

He will come back someday for sure.

The words came back to her again, once again proving that Taichi's guess hadn't been an incorrect one... Except this time, it was Arata's voice she was hearing and Taichi's name that was being pronounced. It was naive, foolish, even. For all she knew, Arata wasn't even aware that they had left their precious club and therefore, had no intention of going to Omi Jingu like he expected them to.

And yet... There was something about that message, or maybe about the way he looked in the photo that made her nearly certain that he did know, and that this particular email was not sent out to brag. It was meant to remind them of something – to prompt them to take action, just like their visit in Fukui had prompted him to do it before.

He had come back. And so would Taichi, in due time.

And she would let him, without nagging him or pressuring him, without begging him to come back for her sake. Right now, they both needed time to heal; and time she would grant him.

Right after she talked to him one more time.

She was back on her feet in no time, and running towards the library as if her life depended on it. She burst through the door with a force that was as unfitting to the place as it was characteristic of herself, a perfect reverse of her abnormally quiet behaviour that week. She came over to her desk with no hesitation, no waver in her step, and took the bag she'd left there before leaving right after. She missed the amused look the Empress gave her, as well as the proud twinkle of recognition that sparkled in it.

Three minutes later she was out of the room, out of the school, racing towards the train station that was bound to take her to Taichi's home. She made it just in time, red and sweaty, and barely able to breathe, and yet, feeling more glad with herself that she had in the course of those miserable few weeks.

The satisfaction only made her push harder after she'd left the train – she had travelled that distance thousands of times by now and still, she was sure she had never covered it in such a short span.

She had no doubt that Taichi would have called her an idiot for straining herself so badly.

Smiling against the new lump that rose in her throat, Chihaya wiped away the tears that threatened to fall down from her lashes once more and took a deep breath, hoping that her  eyes weren't as red as she was afraid they were. After all, the task she was about to commence was not an easy one; she didn't need her appearance to betray her inner state when she tried so hard to keep it concealed.

Especially as she still couldn't be sure who would answer the door this time.

Bracing herself, she took the final step and rang the bell, while simultaneously summoning all of her strength and will in order not to spin on her heel and run away at this most crucial point. She had been determined before, and that particular thing had not changed; however, the longer she waited on the steps of Taichi's house, the more she wondered why she was being made to wait in the first place.

If Taichi was home... if he knew it was her and decided to ignore it...

Well, that would have been enough to discourage the fiercest soul, while at the time, Chihaya couldn't feel anything but the opposite of that.

She was vulnerable and she knew it; and the more time had passed, the more afraid she became of how – and when – her weakness might take over her eventually.

Right when she was about to give in to her anxiety and run away for real, the door opened to reveal none other than Taichi's dauntless mother. The sight made Chihaya's head spin a little, but she pulled herself together quickly, for once feeling that her quest was more important than any of the glares or remarks she may receive in return.

Bowing low before her host, she choked out desperately, "Please forgive me for the interruption. I need to see Taichi. Is he at home?"

She knew it was not a perfect greeting and certainly not judging by Mrs. Pressure's sky-high standards. Still, she could not afford more; every word she pronounced made her come closer to breaking apart again, and the last thing she wanted was to make a spectacle of herself before any of the Mashima family members.

She supposed it was inevitable when she finally stood face to face with Taichi, but that was no reason to let herself crumble before that time.

"Taichi is at the cram school, preparing for his exams." Reiko's cold, impassive answer roused her from her musing. "He'll be going there regularly this year. Has he not told you that?"

"I-" Chihaya stuttered ineloquently, which obviously earned her another stern look from Taichi's mother. She shook her head and straightened up, intent on not bringing even more confusion into this already difficult conversation. "I suspected he might be doing that. I know how serious he is about medical school... But the last few weeks have been a little chaotic for us all, so we didn't get to talk much."

Reiko raised an eyebrow at her.

"Chaotic, you say?"

"Yeah – yes."

"And that's what you need to talk to him about?"

Chihaya felt her heart speed up – the feeling all the more unexpected as at the same time, she could swear her blood had run ice cold in her veins – however, she remained unmoved. Gathering her courage once again, she raised her gaze to look the other woman directly in the eye and replied, "It is. So if... If you could tell me when you expect Taichi to be back home, I will be most grateful."

She waited breathlessly, her whole body itching to flee. Taichi wasn't there; he wouldn't be there for some time, hence, there was literally no point of her staying any second longer than absolutely necessary. She didn't expect his mother to be particularly helpful, either, given the kind of attitude she had always displayed towards her...

...and yet, she stuck around anyway.

As long as Reiko didn't tell her to give it a rest and go home, she would not retreat. As long as there was the tiniest spark of hope to hold onto, she would not back down.

"I don't know that," she heard her answer at last. "He was supposed to return more than an hour ago, however, he called me to say that he would be staying longer. Apparently he has found his tutor to be extremely competent, so he wants to make the most of it before regular school work kicks in too hard. I asked him when he intended to return, but even Taichi couldn't tell me that. I would not expect him for another hour, however, maybe more... So I'm afraid you won't be able to see him at all today."

"I... I see," Chihaya stammered in response, her voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for telling me. I'll be on my way then. Have a good night, ma'am."

She bowed again and turned around at last, quiet and stunned, her whole posture slumping under that unwelcome new development. She shouldn't have been surprised – shouldn't have been upset. She had assumed that Taichi might not be at home before she'd even reached his household, and the view of his mother opening the door for her had only confirmed her suspicions. The fact that Taichi had decided to stay at the cram school and study longer was hardly astonishing, either – she'd known him long enough to expect nothing less from him.

He could be the most ambitious, most stubborn person she'd come across, if only he chose to be – and, while her own ambitions made her hot-headed and inattentive, her greediness always making her spread herself too thin... Taichi could still remain organised and composed, setting up plans and following them despite the many obstacles that came in his way.

And given how determined he seemed to burn all of his bridges and cut all the ties now...

Focusing on the cram school seemed like the most obvious choice.

And yet, as unsurprising as it was, learning that particular bit of information still managed to leave her feeling empty, as if all hope, all expectations she had built up so far had been sucked out of her by the use of one simple statement. Up until the very last moment, Chihaya had hoped that she might still be able to speak to him that day – even if it meant wandering around the place for the next hour, waiting for Taichi to return, even if it meant going to her own home and then coming back after she received the news of him arriving.

Now, it was clear that neither was possible.

Behind her, she could hear the sound of a door closing. She had to bite her lip to stop it from trembling, but refused to show the signs of resignation that were slowly but surely taking over her. She told herself that it wasn't much of a deal; after all, she and Taichi still attended the same school so if she tried hard enough, she should be able to reach him without that much trouble. It would be difficult and awkward, what with all those people around them... But it wasn't impossible.

If they could reach Arata and get him to respond, then approaching Taichi surely had to be possible as well.

She was mere feet away from the pavement when she felt her phone buzz. It was more of a reflex than anything else, but she pulled it out anyway, not even bothering to guess who it was that was messaging her now. It could have been her mum, or Chitose, or maybe one of the karuta club members wanting to learn how she was faring – after all, just because she'd taken a break from the game and left the club didn't mean that they had stopped being her friends. It could have even been Arata, for all she cared, sharing more information about his own brand new team or asking about why she'd decided to leave hers...

Any other time, she would have had a million ideas as to who might have been the sender and responded enthusiastically to each and every one of them.

Right now, however, there was only one person from whom she wanted to hear.

Sadly, he was also the one person who sure as hell wouldn't have contacted her.

Only after turning the corner did she stop to look at the device in her hand, while silently praying that the message would not require her immediate response, and certainly not a lengthy or particularly eloquent one. She stopped short at the sight of an unfamiliar email address and the message that demanded no reply at all.

It was an address.

"But who would..." she whispered, bemused, her eyes once again glued to her phone screen and a message she'd had no reason to expect. Her question lingered in the air, unfinished as she reread the message, once, twice, three times. She knew the name of the street; the name of the institution mentioned also rang a bell, even if she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet. She nearly jumped when the device vibrated again, announcing the arrival of another message, and from the same person no less.

Taichi's cram school isn't far off from here, you should be fine going there on foot. I take it you can find your way there.

Chihaya's eyes were wide as she skimmed that most recent email, now more than ever astonished with what she was reading. Who could have sent her the address of Taichi's school and with a commentary so direct and – in a way – casual? And now, after she had just talked to his mother and was sent on her merry way? Was it Rika, Taichi's little sister, who had overheard the conversation and decided to help her out behind her mother's back? They weren't exactly friends, if anything, Chihaya would have said that Rika's attitude towards her was just as haughty and belittling as that of Reiko... However, if not her, then who?

Surely, it couldn't have been...

"Mrs. Pressure?!" she cried abruptly, and so loudly that the passer-bys on the parallel streets could be seen startling at the noise. As for Chihaya, her brow rose even higher when she'd shifted her gaze back to the enigmatic email address which under closer inspection proved to be that of Mashima Reiko, indeed. The sudden turn of events made her head go dizzy, just like the sight of the aforementioned woman had just a  few minutes earlier.

So she doesn't completely hate me... Chihaya thought, a weak but warm smile blossoming on her overly tired face. Or at least, she doesn't think it would be harmful for me to see Taichi now, which on its own is a big thing. Or does she...

Does she realise how unhappy Taichi is right now and thinks I can help with that?

"Or maybe she knows he hates me and wants me to find out for myself," she added under her breath, her lips curving in a grimace. "I can never tell what that woman really thinks."

She shook her head again, however, ashamed of the reaction she'd just displayed, and even dared to voice. Whatever her intentions were, the message Reiko had sent was a huge help, for which Chihaya decided to remain eternally grateful, regardless of how her talk with Taichi went in the end.

Plus, there was something about that email, something she couldn't point out but felt nonetheless, which seemed much more like a blessing than a trap to her.

Maybe she was being a naive airhead again, but that was what she chose to believe.

"Alright, it's time for action then!" she told herself and slapped her cheeks, this time bringing to herself the attention of those fellow human beings that were closer to her. Focused on her goal, she remained ignorant to their reactions and continued in the same manner, without a trace of hesitation in her, "If I get this right, Taichi is about twenty minutes on foot away from here. I can make it ten. I will make it eight!"

She broke into a run right then and there, not even bothering to put her phone away, and not because she thought she might need to check the address again. She was already late; she couldn't afford a second more.

She'd already screwed up so badly: when Taichi had confessed his love to her and she couldn't have brought herself to answer him openly; when they still practised together but she was too overwhelmed to respond even to the tiniest of signals; when she'd missed the moment when he'd made up his mind about leaving the karuta club; when she had ran after him when she'd finally learnt that but instead of trying to help and understand him, she'd once again focused on her own selfish needs and begged him not to leave her.

Day after day she'd gone on screwing up even more, unable to find the right words she should speak to him, or maybe simply having been too much of a chicken to approach him with the ones she'd had in mind.

He'd called himself a coward, while the only one deserving of that name was her.

I won't screw up again, she repeated to herself in between her long strides. I won't let my fears take the better of me. I'll get to you, Taichi, I'll find you and talk to you and make sure you hear every single word this time. So wait for me! Don't go home just yet, don't make me miss you again! I will reach you this time!

Her eyes were full of tears again, and not because of the wind and dust that blew in her face. She wiped them hastily, again and again, but it was of little use; and yet, while the dark smudges marked her cheeks, her smile grew wide, once again mirroring the hope that seemed to have left her. The faster she ran, the more tired she was, the greater and more positive the emotions that filled her heart became.

Taichi's words resonated in her mind but they were no longer a threat; somewhere along her feverish race they'd turned into a dare, a challenge she had to rise to. It wasn't going to be easy – she still couldn't give him the reaction he wished for, but she could at least face the truth of his feelings towards her and respond to that truth with a clear, honest answer.

He was her best friend in the entire world. And even if he still needed her to step away for a time, she refused to call it anything but a temporary change.

She was willing to give him space and freedom, if that was what he wanted from her – but she could not imagine a scenario in which she let their friendship end without putting up a fight first.

She wasn't capable of letting him go like this.

She was way too greedy for that.

And she cared for him too much.

"I love you," he had said. "I love the fingernails that you never grow. I love your fingers and your hair, and the mouth you open wide like an idiot. I love your face when you laugh. I love you."

He'd found so many ways to tell her the same, single truth, when he could have easily backed off. Taichi was clever, there was no way that he couldn't grasp her reaction from the very first moments of that stunned, hollow silence that had come over them because she couldn't have uttered a single word on her part. He'd known that she would not respond in kind, that she would not accept him, no matter how long he might have waited for her.

She knew their friendship meant the world to him, too, and so he'd had every reason to retreat and turn the tables again. If he had told her it was a joke – if he'd said that it was just a dumb prank and she was silly to take any of it seriously, she would have believed him.

And yet, he hadn't. In fact, he'd done the opposite, pushing forward until it was all out in the open. Every feeling he'd suppressed, every ounce of affection he'd spent years hiding from her, it was there; even if it hadn't resonated fully in his words, it'd still been reflected in his body, his expression, in the way he'd looked at her. Those big, bright eyes so full of tenderness she'd never been allowed to see, or maybe simply had failed to recognise.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

He had given himself up, made himself completely and entirely vulnerable. Hers to take, and hers to reject. He had offered her his heart, even though he must have known how slim his chances had been.

She had taken that heart and crushed it, and hadn't even had the guts to tell him why.

She arrived at the cram school, one full minute before her proclaimed eight. She stood there for a while, panting, gasping for air she couldn't well take because she kept choking on her sobs. Her hair was a mess, long locks sticking out in all directions while her face was smeared with the mixture of her tears and the dust that had accumulated on her cheeks when she'd dashed towards her destination, the result only made worse by her constant rubbing when she'd tried to wipe the tears away.

She sure was glad that she wasn't wearing any mascara that day – though on the other hand, she very much doubted that it would have changed much.

Focus, she chided herself, simultaneously reaching up to comb her hair with her fingers and contemplating whether or not she should bind it. I'd say it doesn't matter how I look – I'm not here to make an impression, only to talk to him. But Taichi is perceptive... he will notice that something is wrong. And I don’t want him thinking about me today.

She took a deep breath, then another. She straightened up and squared her shoulders, readying herself in the same way she had before ringing at the Mashima residence earlier on, her left hand still buried in the maze of fair strands, while she rummaged through her bag with her right. Somehow, she managed to find a – moderately – clean towel that could be used to clear up her face. She got to work right after, still unsure of how much time she actually had, yet determined not to waste a second.

She didn't have a mirror to look into and make sure that she was presentable enough. She was Ayase Chihaya, a pretty nitwit who never remembered to carry anything that girls like Chitose (her own sister) or Hanano (her surprisingly supportive friend) would have deemed indispensable in a young girl's bag.

A true beauty in vain who couldn't even make sure that she looked decent enough when it mattered.

She heard a noise coming from in front of  her and raised her gaze instinctively. With her eyes fixed on the front door, she pricked up her ears, waiting for another sound to come and carry the information she was so eager to learn. Was it Taichi that had made the first one? Was it because he was close to the door, preparing to leave? Or was the sound a random one, and not an announcement of his departure? What was the chance that it had been him that had made it?

She waited impatiently but no other noise came. She supposed it was to be expected – the one she'd heard before was probably caused by some incident, like someone walking into a trash can, so definitely not something people did every day. Besides, even if it had been someone readying themselves to leave, what reasons did she have to think it would be Taichi she'd see come out?

It was foolish to expect him right after she'd got there.

Timing like that didn't happen in everyday life.

And yet, as if to refute her scepticism with a miracle that should not have been possible, the door was cracked open, and she saw Taichi standing in it. With one hand on the handle and one foot over the threshold, his body was still mostly turned to the inside of the building as he said his goodbyes to whoever was in charge. Posed like this, he obviously couldn't see her; but it was only a matter of seconds before he turned again and crossed the doorstep, and then he would have no choice but to face her.

For what seemed like a hundredth time that day, Chihaya felt her heart slow down so much that it seemed to have stopped beating at all, only to pick up its pace with double force a short moment later.

She wasn't ready to meet him and yet, all she prayed for was that he wouldn't run away from her before she could tell him what she had come to say.

Lost in her pleading, she instinctively closed her eyes and thus missed the very moment she'd been so anxious to come upon. It was right after her eyelids closed and her head lowered in a small bow that Taichi did turn around and saw her – and she was too busy clenching her fists and muttering wishes to witness it.

Too much of a mess to properly greet him.

She didn't see the shock that reflected on his countenance when he recognised her. His widened eyes and raised brow, the slight gap between his parted lips, the way his cheeks flushed against his knowledge and will – it was all lost on her, not because she didn't care but because she cared too much.

They stood like this for a while: he, unable to speak because of his astonishment and she, so determined not to miss her chance that she'd become unaware of the world around her. If Taichi had decided to walk past her, she wouldn't have noticed until he was a good few metres behind her.

She would have missed the chance the Heavens had granted her, and all because she was so afraid of that very thing happening.

And yet, the same Taichi who had done his best to ignore her at school – the same boy she'd expected to flee at the sight of her or at best, to say his 'hello' coolly and leave her behind right after – the same boy still stood at the top of the stairs that led to the building, eyeing her cautiously, unhurriedly, as if it was both the first and the last time he'd been given the chance to look at her like that.

His face showed a full range of emotions, from surprise to confusion, to anger, to eagerness, before he eventually managed to summon his trademark stoicism and successfully hide all of those feelings behind a mask of indifference he'd been forced to wear before her so many times before, for both their sakes.

Lost in her thoughts, Chihaya didn't see any of that.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. The simple question was enough to make her bubble pop and spatter into a thousand million drops, a soft, warm mist that now fell down around her. "Shouldn't you still be at school, studying? Or I don't know, at home?"

Unlike the burning feelings swirling inside her, Taichi's words were cold, icy even. His tone bore no emotion and his face was, yet again, an inscrutable mask, one that she'd come to hate so fiercely, because she now knew how much was hidden underneath.

"Why, Taichi? Why do you do everything alone?"

Why don't you trust us?

Why don't you trust me?

He hadn't trusted her before – how could she expect him to trust her now?

"I couldn't focus in the library," she replied, a little too fervently, just like she always did. "I tried for hours, but I wasn't learning anything."

Taichi turned his head away, huffing. "Nothing new there. But that hardly explains why you are here."

"You weren't at home. Your mum gave me this address."

"And why were you at my home of all places?" he asked again, his aloofness fading away a little in favour of genuine curiosity, although it was clear that he still wanted to keep up some of his walls standing. "You haven't been there in ages, it's not like you've had a chance to leave something behind and had to pick it up. And no offence, but hell will freeze over before my mother invites you for a chitchat."

"I wasn't there to see your mum," Chihaya answered him. Her gaze was still locked with his and her chin was raised high, as if she'd wanted to prove that his frigid responses weren't enough to intimidate her... but her voice was quiet and certainly not as firm as she would've liked it to be. Still, she kept going. "I came to see you. And you weren't there."

"But why?" Taichi wouldn't give up. "Why didn't you just look for me at school today? Or, if it was more recent, why not tomorrow? Gosh, Chihaya, you could have called me..."

"Don't you act as if it was so easy to catch you between classes," she replied with annoyance, her usual fire kicking in again. "I barely see you at all. And it's not something I want to talk about on the phone, either."

Silence fell over them again, Chihaya's words still echoing between them. She was looking at Taichi now, and so this time, she could see the change in his features perfectly. The alterations weren't big: a slightly more focused gaze, the most insignificant narrowing of his eyes, the fingers that twitched as if they'd been about to curl into fists but were stopped violently at the very last moment.

Her own vision had never been anywhere near as good as her hearing; she wasn't the most observant person, either. In fact, most of the time, she was downright oblivious...

And yet, she hadn't missed any of his microexpressions this time.

"Stupid," he said eventually, thrusting his hands into the pockets of his trousers and fixing his eyes on the ground before him. "What could you possibly have to say that I need to hear in person?"

And there it was, the susceptibility he'd been trying so hard to conceal but failed to do so in the end, not because he hadn't worked hard enough but because Chihaya's senses made it impossible for her to fall for any pretence on his part. It wasn't just her hearing, or just the fact that she'd known him for years, or even that she was more concentrated now than she had been in the toughest, most demanding of matches – but the combination of all those, additionally supported by her own enhanced sensitivity, that had made it possible for her to see through his defences more clearly than when he had taken them down for her himself.

She did it against his will and against his wishes, and somehow, it worked miraculously.

"You're not a coward!" she exclaimed with as much passion as she could muster, loudly, confidently, despite the tears that were once again gathering in back of her eyes and the tightening of her throat that she couldn't have prevented. "You said you wanted to become someone who isn't one, but that would mean that you are a coward now, and must change to achieve that. And I refuse to believe that!"

She inhaled sharply and blinked in order to keep the annoying, salty drops from falling down too soon. Her golden irises shone with tears and zeal alike; captivated by the vision, Taichi failed to use his only chance to interrupt her speech this time.

"You're not a coward," she repeated, with the same tenacity ringing in her tone. "Even if that's what you think you are, or what you were back then... It doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past, Taichi, because you have already changed. Without even realising it, you've grown, so much that sometimes I catch myself not recognising you, regardless of how long we've known one another. Just those last two years we spent together prove beyond doubt that you couldn't be further from giving in to your fears and giving up, which is exactly what cowards do. You're ambitious and determined, and you don't let failures get in your way.

"And if you still think this isn't enough," she picked up after another short pause. "If you still need evidence greater than that... Then know that telling me about what happened when we were in sixth grade – telling me about what really happened to Arata's glasses, and after all these years... That is the greatest sign of courage to me."

She didn't say anything else, letting her words reverberate, not expecting to receive an answer to her ardent, most heartfelt speech, but leaving it for Taichi to discern and interpret for himself. She hadn't come here to argue with him, after all. The subject was still too sore for them both and besides, she knew that no discussion could do them any good.

She'd come to meet him to tell him this one specific thing, because something in her had told her that it was important and that Taichi should be allowed to see it as well. It was the one burden she could lift from his shoulders and therefore, she had to. She knew that compared to all the misery she'd caused him, it was not even a beginning of repayment... however, she had to do something.

She wasn't going to do more, though. She wasn't wanted here anymore, she wasn't needed. She'd fulfilled her quest and was not eager to cross the boundaries again.

Slowly, attentively, she bowed her head and cast down her eyes, a silent 'goodbye' that was better left unsaid.

Then she turned and walked away towards the gate.

It took all of her strength not to break into a sprint again.

[formashimataichi]

I think this added context makes things much easier. I apologize if I assumed things about your view yhat you didn't have and I get that it was a matter of emphasis for you not an exhaustive take on Taichi's arc.

Thing where we might disagree though is I also did think that his arc kinda ended with the loss to Arata.

It obviously not entirely over as he still has his hung ups and moments of final closure.

But I think when it comes to the big issues it is. He got rejected and won't end up with Chihaya and failed to win against Arata and had a kind of reconciliation with him (which is probably not final final).

I don't mean to undersell the importance of those final moments when it comes to his arc, but point being that whatever happenes in the remaining chapters it wouldn't do anything to those who wanted things to go differently. That is either ending uo with Chihaya or winning against Arat or both.

Again, you might prefer the direction the manga went, but those who prefered different directions do have a point and can equally claim to a coherent and satisfying character arc like in the examples I gave in my last Ask.

Got a couple of Qs

1.Do you disagree with my last claim that the examples I gave in the last ask where Taichi either ends up with Chihaya or wins against Arata *can* be coherent and reasonable arcs for him even if you don't prefer them? (Also would like to hear why you would prefer the direction the manga went over my examples)

2. What do you expect the final moments of closure to be (since it won't alter the loss to Arata or rejection by Chihaya), and can you explore what that would mean to his character arc beyond the coping to loss thing( i mean when it comes to his relationship to chihaya and arata and what they mean to his self worth)

Oh, don’t apologize! Like I said, it’s hard sometimes for there to be clarity with a back and forth like this, and that’s completely understandable, haha. I didn’t comment on it in the last ask because my focus was elsewhere, but I’m really glad you brought those potential scenarios up, because they’re all both equally interesting, and I definitely think they could work as reasonable arc progressions with solid meaning entailed by them, too. I really love the premise of him having potentially won against Arata while still losing Chihaya, because it’s true that in the end she can’t be entirely won just because he becomes “great” at the sport. There’s a lot of value in the lesson learned from that, as well as the situation you presented vice versa. 

I think where my preference stems from is the fact that very few love triangles in mainstream shoujo (or josei) media allow for friendship to be so valued and prioritized as it is in Chihayafuru. Usually, the love interest who loses either disappears from the main character’s immediate vicinity to make room for the victorious love interest, or he’s given “pity winnings” by being paired up with someone else (who often harbored an unrequited crush on him for a while). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with stories like that; one of my favorite anime (Nagi no Asukara) executed such a story and I absolutely loved it. But I also appreciate that Chihayafuru offers a new perspective, especially since Chihaya and Taichi are such overwhelmingly important people to each other even outside of the romantic complications of their relationship. I really want for Taichi and Chihaya to be able to stay best friends even if she doesn’t romantically reciprocate, because they’re just that important to each other and still deeply care about supporting one another. I feel like either of them would be lost if they entirely let go of the other, because their friendship has spanned so many years and has meant so much to each of them in the long run. It’s rare to see a friendship between a boy and a girl with so much depth be valued for the fact that it’s a friendship and not necessarily a guarantee of romance just because they spent the most time together. Friendships can be really deep and meaningful relationships, too, and I think Chihayafuru is a series that especially emphasizes upon that. 

As for what I’m hoping for personally from his closure, I think ultimately I want to see two things: 1) that he decides to return to playing karuta, because he realizes he loves it, and he doesn’t want to stop trying just yet, and 2) that he realizes how much he matters to the people he loves, and his efforts and kindness do mean something and weren’t all for naught. I don’t think these resolutions may necessarily solve all of his relationship problems with Chihaya and Arata in the blink of an eye, but I do think they’d be significant steps forward for him and good indicators of that friendship between the three of them finally mending, especially since they’ll now all be together in Tokyo. There’s a lot that he has to talk with Chihaya about, obviously, because while they’re not as distanced from each other as they were at first, there’s still a part of the divide left that they have to completely bridge. I think it goes without saying that Chihaya is sorry to him for so many things, even if they aren’t entirely her fault, and vice versa as well, so I want them to be able to talk about it and cry about it with each other and inevitably remember that they value and care for each other so much. I don’t want them to have to enter college still distanced from each other when they clearly miss each other terribly. And with Arata, I hope we see Taichi reach out to him despite his prior beliefs that Arata has no use for his words; I think it’d tie into Taichi’s recognition of his self worth and importance to others, plus be a great way to reemphasize that Taichi is fundamentally a kind, caring person. We see that in his actions every day with so many different people, and we’ve even seen it with Arata (when he asked Kana to fix his hakama, and when he sent Arata a message of support before the Meijin match), but I feel like reaching out now to help uplift Arata out of that despair and loneliness he’s been drowning in would be a culmination of all the kindness Taichi has worked hard to express towards him while trying to overcome his insecurities about him. I guess that’s why the romantic conclusions of the story don’t necessarily matter to me as much, because I feel like before these three can even have a chance to broach that, there’s already so much that they have to resolve with each other as friends first. Chihaya has always, always wanted to be in a karuta world where both Taichi and Arata are at her side, and I hope that by the end the three of them can have that, just by way of playing together again as they move into adulthood. It may be wishful thinking, but I’m really hopeful that Suetsugu will recreate the scene where they entered the Shiranami Society for the first time and were hugged by Harada, but with them now as college students. It would be really sweet and a great way to call back to what Harada said about needing friends in order to continue (which I know I mentioned in the tags of one of the other asks, so I apologize for being redundant, lol). I know this woman is obsessed with her parallels and full-circle moments so I really hope she uses some in the end to call back to the initial flashback chapters! 

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] TsukiSta 10th - “Taikyoku Denki” Tweets

TsukiSta has posted tweets on Taikyoku Denki information~! This includes things like the world-view, character races, and all that.

@moonlit-manifesto​ has done an introductory and synopsis post for Taikyoku Denki here and here, so please check them out for more in-depth info on the actual storyline~! These tweets will just be minor tidbits about the stage XD

@ryuukia​ has also translated some of the info for Taikyoku Denki (like the one with their pandas) so be sure to check them out, too~! 

Source: @/tsukista

☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 1 ☆

The curtains rise on “Tsukiuta Kitan <Mysterious Story of Tsukiuta> Taikyoku Denki”! This concept was brought to life during AGF 2016, but this time, it will be adapted to the stage. A lot from the original setting and many more will be the highlight of this story!

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

 More under the cut, enjoy~!

☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 2 ☆

■ World Explanation ■

■ Taikyoku = (a form of Chinese philosophy) The world is a fantasy IF situation wherein the basis will be on yin and yang, the creation of all beings – in other words the roots of the world. Compared to their idol counterparts, these humanoid demon prisoners are calm and collected and are very self-righteous.

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

 ☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 3 ☆

■ There is a great imbalance between the world’s yin and yang. Shadow (night) lasts for about 18 hours a day, while Light (day) lasts for only 6 hours or so. As a result, creatures of the night are dominating the world. The people of light live alongside this grave danger.

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

 ☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 4 ☆

■ These demons – also called prisoners – are considered as the world’s strongest creatures. However, since they are monsters, they cease to move when the sun rises. The original character in the source work is a prisoner that seeks an ultimate “strength”, so I guess it’s safe to say that they can be a bit… persistent…?

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

 ☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 5 ☆

■ The members’ races are as follows!

[HUMANS] Hajime, Koi, Aoi, Rui, Yoru, Iku, Kai

[HIGHER DEMONS] Kakeru, Haru, Arata, You, Shun

There are conversations and interactions that transcend unit boundaries. Moreover, there will be stories that revolve around them [before contract] = (before they got along), so please look forward to how the combi relationships grow!

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

☆ [TsukiSta.] Version [Tsukiuta Kitan Taikyoku Denki] 6 ☆

This time, there will be a lot of action movements that make it seem like a kung-fu movie, so the stage setting will have differences in elevation as well. Even Rui who rarely fights in other IF worlds will be fighting against humanoid demons in this world, so don’t miss his gallant figure!

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

 ☆ Even the Dance Live…? ☆

Some songs will have new choreography!!

Please enjoy the live while anticipating which songs will be getting a different kind of choreography. The 10th Stage Taikyoku Denki will be starting on the 29th! Please look forward to it!

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

☆ About the staff wearing masks ☆

Lastly…

Please be aware that because of the prevalence of the new pneumonia-like virus, the staff might be wearing masks. Thank you for your understanding.

The flu is also in season! To those who will be attending, please be mindful of your health as well…!

# TsukiSta # Taikyoku Denki

Shows start on the 29th~! To those who are going, I hope you have fun~! Remember to take care of yourselves, too!

[cleverwolfpoetry]

Thoughts on latest episodes?

First of all…sorry, sorry, sorry for the late answer again but I couldn’t give you my opinion before because I have just watched episode 4 and 5 (yesterday evening). Here I go with my rambling…and no logic order to my thoughts, just thoughts.

I didn’t like these two episodes very much. Nothing caught my interest in particular. I still feel that this Bifrost/foxes combo is really boring, maybe it’s that we haven’t discovered the bigger plan yet but in the meanwhile…what a bore. They have given us clues about the two ex inspectors, about the fact that Irie was actually Akane’s informer and that he is at the PSB thanks to Mika. We are 3 episodes close to the end of the season but I don’t look forward to every Thursday, I don’t feel my heart pounding in anticipation during the opening (oh, btw, one of the few things I really like)…I don’t know. I feel like I’m not watching Psycho-pass again. Where’s the true Psycho-pass gone? Missing in my opinion.

That struggle between a perfect but not perfect system and a very human heroine with her sense of justice…

“The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. People have always detested evil and sought out a righteous way of living. Their feelings, the accumulation of those peoples feelings are the law. They're neither the provisions, nor the system. They're the fragile and irreplaceable feelings that everyone carries in their hearts.” Akane Tsunemori, PP1.

“It’s possible that judge might be the person standing in front of me right now” Kirito Kamui, PP2.

Where all of this has gone??

This season 3 is too convoluted, too facts omitted to understand. And some things that don’t make sense (in my opinion, of course. Maybe other people have perfectly understood all of this). One of the things I don’t understand is this focus on immigration…Just a few years passed from the first seasons and Japan has opened its borders to controlled immigration after years and years and years trying to achieve the perfect independence and isolation…why??? No one tells us why, no clue if it’s relevant to the story. It’s just like that. Ok, I take note of it.

What kind of position has Mika? She is the chief but she’s not the chief? Back on season 1&2, when the inspectors reported to their superior, it was chief Kasei. She had the position of PSB chief, we see that in Case 1. But now Kei and Shindou report to Chief Shimotsuki and Mika reports to this Pseudo-Kasei Bureau Chief. Ok, that’s just my curiosity. I know it’s not so important but it’s different from the past.

The fox nr. 2, I don’t remember the name and I surely don’t mind go checking…come on, they look like a One piece character…grotesque.

Put aside the parts I didnt’t like…how cute are Shion and Yayoi???!!! I love how Shion is attentive to Yayoi’s hue and doesn’t want to cloud it with alcohol or she’s worried when she’s following Arata in action. Shion is much more serious now…her playful self must miss her love very much to be so serious.

Other silly remark…I liked Yayoi with ponytail more!

My last thought for the evening goes to my princess Akane. I also miss her as main lead, like you wrote me in your last ask. I read a comment by @singingbun saying that it would have been good to have a look on the story from a different POV than Akane’s one, and I can say that I agree. Two outsiders can give the story a different look, even if I obviously miss her. Despite all the new characters and new good or bad groups (SAD and Bifrost), she’s still the key. I’m repeating myself but being 3 episodes far from the end of the season it’s quite obvious now that this is not the real end, that there’ll be another season (already planned or in a distant future, Idk). The fact is that the authors have crossed a line they can’t come back from without the biggest disappointment. Akane’s imprisonment, this famous trial she’s gonna face… could it possibly be the final confrontation between Akane and Sibyl we’ve been waiting since season 1?

Maybe it won’t be in the next season…if they want to gain more from PP, they could decide to animate some other parts of the story (I wouldn’t mind seeing Genesis or Kanshikan Kougami Shinya animated), but they can’t go back anymore. Sooo… Kougami Shinya, go save your princess right now!!!! (instead of wasting your time as mastiff of the blondie). Other silly question…now that you’re back to Japan, what kind of cigarettes are you smoking????

That’s all for now.

Bye.

Good night everyone.

[lady-of-the-spirit]

Answer all the things! I want to hear your opinions 😂 and distract you a bit lol

Thank you!!! That’s so nice of you!! ❤🌻 I was going to a party I was super anxious about but it ended up being really fun. I’ll answer the ones I can.

ask Me About My Day

So yesterday I didn’t really do anything? I finished my second ever knitting (I posted a pic) and got some chocolate on sale, then went to a pyjama party a friend of a friend was hosting and because I’m a disaster I was anxious and awkward. Luckily there were people there I enjoyed talking to. Also, everyone else started getting drunk and I was sober, and that made it easier to relax, weirdly enough. So it was a lot of fun! I spent the night there and helped clean up a little this morning, and I’m going to have to do homework later today. 

tell me about your day

I would like to hear about it

tell me about your crush

I have no crush! 

fuck, marry kill

@disgruntledmenshevikjohnmulaney sent me a fmk ask I just answered.

ask me about headcanons and Meta

Honestly I will talk about anything I have opinions on for however long it takes for someone to stop me so feel free to ask me about anything (that I know about)

(got long so i put everything else under the cut)

send me Fic Prompts 

Yes, please! I need motivation so much 

ask me about my ships and favourite characters

Favourite characters off the top of my head: Donna Noble from Doctor Who, Tara from The Wicked + The Divine (my icon pic), Nick Miller from New Girl, I really like Feyre from A Court of Thorns and Roses, which I’m reading right now, Amy Santiago from Brooklyn 99, Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec, Yataka from Arata the Legend (I miss this series so much), and Tony Stark from the MCU,

Favourite ships is so much harder because it changes moment to moment but right now: TenDonna (or really just any of the Doctors with Donna?), Peraltiago, NineRose, Ben and Leslie, Sweetarch (Riverdale), Ineffable Husbands, Sastiel, almost any ship from Six The Musical, honestly any wlw ship from Good Omens because they’re all valid and good.

OTP, BROTP and NOTP

OTP: honestly anything? I have limits but again, anything. 

NOTP: ships that are so goddamn popular you can’t go through a tag without seeing it pop up at least once and have an army of shippers ready to hate anyone who doesn’t ship it and harass the creators for doing anything with the ship. (ie Destial, Bughead, Klance? I remember being into Voltron).

BroTP: Zuko and Sokka, the four Horsepeople from Good Omens, Donna and the Doctor, the squad of B99, the Avengers from Marvel in any AU where nothing after the first Avengers movie is canon and they all get along and live in the tower

ask for advice (I’ll try)

Don’t be afraid to try things. don’t be afraid not to try things. 

enjoy the things you like and don’t worry about what other people think (especially on tumblr, since this website is trash). 

That’s all I’ve got for right now.

ask my opinion on things

Pineapple on pizza is better than people say it is (controversial!). I can’t explain why I like it but I do. 

Role swap AUs deserve more content because they’re my favourite AUs. Honestly what gets me is how the characters are swapped and what the authors do with them. Like how much do they change the characters’ canon personalities? Their situations have changed but how similar are they? How different are they? How does swapping the character roles change the story? Stuff like that, it makes me go absolutely feral. (confession time: I wrote a role swap au for Princess Mononoke some years ago. It’s still incomplete and on fanfiction.net. I keep meaning to go back to it and never do. it haunts me to this day.)

Liking villains isn’t romanticizing their actions? Like I never understood where this “hot take” came from. I enjoy a good villain because they’re fun, or they’re entertaining, or they’re better characters than the heroes, or literally any reason, and I’m still going to be like “yeah murdering hundreds of people isn’t great behaviour”. But I’m still going to have a fun time watching them. 

But at the same time seeing people who worship villains pisses me off because so much of the time they’re saying things like “oh he’s just misunderstood! he didn’t mean to! he just needs a hug!” (and it’s basically almost a male character) when like… dude, he just committed genocide (or attempted to), that’s not being misunderstood, that’s straight-up villainy. No amount of hugs or tragic backstories can make up for that. 

In Black Panther, Killmonger was wrong, and Nakia was right. Everyone is stanning the wrong person’s message. 

Voltron: Legendary Defender was bad before the last few seasons. 

Hummingbird cake? Amazing. I love it.

I think that’s everything! Thanks for sending me the ask, I appreciate it! Feel free to ask me anything, any time. 

[satoshi-mochida]

Compile Heart has opened the official website for Death end re;Quest 2, providing first official information regarding the story, keywords, characters, and battle system, as well as the opening movie.

Get the details below.

■ World

Story

Hack it, even if it’s the despair of death.

Mai the “Papa Killer” heads to the cursed city Liz Shoala, where her only hope and younger sister Sanae lives.

Mai decides to live in a shady women’s dormitory called “Wardsworth” to find her sister Sanae. But not only could she not find her, Sanae is being treated as if she never existed.

Using the power of Arata Mizunashi’s PC and her hacking skills, as well as a single USB stick in her pocket, she starts exploring the cursed city.

This was only the beginning of a new “Rondo of Despair”….

Arata Mizunashi, the missing programming genius. The death of over 20 young girls. And everything “is being watched by Barbos.”

Keywords

—Liz Shoara

Liz Shoara is a city located in the mountains and where the story takes place. While it was once a beautiful lakeside city, the emergence of a religious cult has rapidly decreased the population. While it is still a beautiful town at first glance, most of its homes have been abandoned and currently only about 50 families live there.

The town prohibits going out at night. This is because when night falls, the town transforms to take on an ominous, sinister, and grotesque appearance that strikes fear and agony into its visitors. Those who lose their way in this town can do nothing other than flee…

—Wardsworth

At the heart of Liz Shoara is a church, and in the church is a girls’ dormitory called “Wardsworth,” where Mai and many other girls are living. However, a mysterious incident occurs where the girls boarding there disappear one by one. A mysterious phenomenon eventually occurs, and Mai and company get wrapped up in a conspiracy that unfolds inside the city.

—El Strain (Religion)

The religion of El Strain, the faith that people follow in Liz Shoara, is not an obtrusive one, and seems to bring about relief even in times of adversity and hardship. It is also tolerant when it comes to positions in the church, and has no particular gender and marriage restrictions to take up a position.

—Dark Shadows

In addition to monsters, there are strange figures known as “Dark Shadows” in Liz Shoara. Dark Shadows are considered to be a kind of curse that occur when night falls, said to be either the malice of cursed humans or “something not of this world.” These unidentified Dark Shadows that roam the town will persistently pursue Mai and company when spotted. What will happen to Mai and company if they get caught by a Dark Shadow?

■ Characters

Mai Touyama (voiced by Chiwa Saito)

A girl living at the girls’ dormitory in Liz Shoara. Her father went mad and pulled a knife on her, and died in an accident that resulted from Mai’s resistance. Mai, chained to that room and left behind alone, nearly died of starvation, but a city official saved her life and gave her shelter. An investigation confirmed the disappearance of her mother Phyllis, and the orphaned Mai was taken over to the girls’ dormitory. She gives off a quiet and gloomy vibe. Because of the abuse she suffered by her parents as a child, she has put up a wall in her heart. And while she has an extremely high IQ, her knowledge and expressions of emotions lack uniformity as she is mostly uneducated, and she sometimes takes unusual action as a result.

Rotten Dollhart (voiced by Madoka Asahina)

A girl living at the girls’ dormitory in Liz Shoara. Her nickname is Rot. A noble girl with a cheerful and kind personality, she is looked up to by all the other girls at the dormitory. She is caring and full of curiosity, and will poke her head at any mystery she comes across. Her personality is extreme and she is somewhat detached from the real world, sometimes showing a natural airheadedness. She is the type of character who will let anyone into her heart, so she repeatedly attacks and hounds newcomer Mai with all of her might. Soon enough, Mai begins to open up her heart to her and they eventually become close friends.

Liliana Pinnata (voiced by Manaka Iwami)

A girl living at the girls’ dormitory in Liz Shoara. Her father was possessed by a demon and committed suicide, leading her mother to go crazy and abuse her. From the way her father died, she believes “demons are at fault for the way my family turned out,” and in discussing her outlook for the future, tells Mai and the others that, “In the time to come, I will exorcise demons. I would like to join the church and seek the path.” She uses polite language unexpected of someone with her young appearance, speaking as a young lady with a mature and respectful tone. Although she seems to have a wealth of knowledge, she was separated from her parents at a time when she needed plenty of parental love, so she is subconsciously seeking a mother figure.

Shina Ninomya (voiced by Hisako Tojo)

A game designer that once worked for a company called Enigma. After that, she and genius engineer Arata Mizunashi completed the “Alice” game engine and “World’s Odyssey” game. Her memories from the previous game have been explained to her by Arata, and she understands the structure of the world to some extent. Several years after the completion of “World’s Odyssey,” Arata suddenly disappears, and she pursues his whereabouts.

■ System

Battle

—Turn-Based Battles

This game uses a turn-based command battle system. There will be three members in battle, and the order of turns is determined by the speed of each character. At the start of each character’s turn, they are able to move about freely on the field and determine from which direction to attack, so you can choose to perform combos with other characters, or attack from outside the enemy’s range.

—Triact System

The Triact system allows players to take three actions in one turn. Actions include the “Attack,” “Item,” or “Guard” under the “Skill” menu. For example, by choosing “Attack, Guard, Item”, you may attack, guard, and use an item. Through this system, players can enjoy speedy battles with more strategy packed into a single turn.

—Super Knockback

The “Knockback” system from the previous game, which could be used to send enemies flying to deal additional damage, returns as the enhanced “Super Knockback.” By attacking with a skill that has this effect, enemies will fly even further. Determine your attack direction and attack an enemy with a skill that has the Super Knockback effect, and you could blast the enemy into other enemies to deal major damage to several enemies at once.

—Glitch Mode

“Glitch Mode” is an enhancement system provides cheat-class abilities. Each time a Mai and company touch a curse or is attacked, their corruption level increases. If corruption exceeds a certain threshold, characters will transform into “Glitch Mode.” It is easier to activate Glitch Mode this time around compared to the original game, making battles more and more exhilarating. The character’s appearance will change when Glitch Mode is activated.

■ Artwork and Screenshots

■ Information

Product Information

-Title: Death end re;Quest 2

-Platform: PlayStation 4

-Genre: RPG

-Release Date: February 13, 2020

-Price:

Standard Edition: 7,600 yen + tax

Limited Edition: 10,200 yen + tax

Digital Edition: 7,200 yen + tax

-CERO Rating: Pending

Staff

Character Design: Kei Nanameda (Mary Skelter: Nightmares, Trillion: God of Destruction, Mugen Souls series)

Scenario: Makoto Kedouin (Corpse Party)

Theme Song: “Bug Fixer” by Gesshoku Kaigi

Sound: Yuki Sugiura (Trillion: God of Destruction, Hakuoki: Kyoto Winds, Diabolik Lovers)

Concept Art: Yo Shimizu (Arc of Alchemist)

Watch the opening movie below. View the screenshots at the gallery.

[emeraldwaves]

Title: What We Lack Part 11 Pairing:  Kacchako, Deku/Melissa, Todomomo Rating: T Word Count: 4,111 Read on Ao3 Summary:  

Quirkless.

They’re the last people anyone expects to have a child without a quirk.

Neither of them can fully wrap their heads around it, but Ochako knows Katsuki is struggling far more than her.

Thank you to @its-love-u-asshole for beta-ing

Full fic under the cut

Shouhei's room was practically empty. His bed stayed in the corner, but all the posters and figures were taken down. The sound of tape echoed as he sealed another box shut, wiping his forehead.

Sayuri leaned against the doorframe, biting her lip.The whole situation in front of her was surreal. It made her chest ache, more than she cared to admit. "You're almost done," she said, holding back the awkward lump forming in her throat.

"Yup!" he said, and turned towards her, immediately frowning. "Don't give me that face."

"What face?!" she said, turning away from him, her cheeks completely flushed.

"You look like you're trying to hold back a giant shit," he snorted, standing up to sit on his bed.

"EW Shouhei!?" she snapped and stormed over to him, punching him in the side of his arm. Still, she took a seat next to him on the bed, twisting her lips.

"You gonna miss me?" he teased, nudging her.

"No! That would be stupid! You're not even that far! Knowing you, you'll come home every weekend," Sayuri teased.

"No way!"

"True," Sayuri teased, tapping her finger against her chin. "You'll be too busy making out with Yuuta!"

"What the hell!?" he said and pushed her, turning away from her, his face all red.

"It's okay if you're in love Shouhei," she teased some more, giggling to herself.

She hated how much she knew she was going to miss him.

"Shut up," he snorted. "Maybe if you're nice, I'll come visit for a weekend."

She folded her arms, her cheeks flushing. "I don't care if you do... but it might be nice to see you from time to time or... whatever..." she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. I'll be pretty busy, working at being a hero and shit," he said, glancing to the side. "But you know it's my damn job to make sure you're safe, so... if need something you can always call or text me."

Sayuri glanced to the side at the empty wall. For a long time, Shouhei had a poster on the wall of their parents. It was an action shot of the two of them fighting together, looking as badass as they actually were. He made some jokes about how lame it was when he hit middle school, usually around Arata and Yuuta, though Sayuri knew the twins had posters of their own parents too. She wondered if Shouhei planned on hanging it in his room at his dorm.

For some reason she had a difficult time imagining it.

"Sayuri?" Shouhei snapped her from her thoughts and she turned to look at her brother. He could be harsh, like their father, but his sharp brown eyes were often filled with such kindness, just like their mother.

"Huh?" she blinked and nodded slowly. "Oh.. yeah, I know. I can take care of myself Shou."

"Oi..." he muttered. "I know you can. I just want you to know... you can always call me," he said softly. It was rare she heard her brother speak to her with such quiet gentleness.

"I know..." she said and turned to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "You better kick their asses at U.A, for both us!"

He grunted, shocked by the physical affection, but was quick to return the hug. "Hell yes, you know I will."

"Well, well, well, what's this I see? Are my two children being affectionate with each other?" Ochako giggled, leaning at the doorway.

Both Sayuri and Shouhei snapped quickly away from each other. "Ew gross!" Sayuri scoffed. "No way."

"Disgusting," Shouhei snorted, sticking his tongue out.

"Right, of course," Ochako said, and knelt down in front of the bed, wrapping her arms around both of her children. "You're too cute. We'll have plenty of family weekends together, okay? You'll be seeing each other plenty!" She nuzzled her pink cheeks against both of them.

"Does this mean you're not going to cry when you leave me at the dorm?" Shouhei asked, choking while she kept her hands wrapped around him.

"No," Ochako sighed. "I almost cried looking at the two of you together in this empty room!" she said, leaning her head to the side.

"Mom..." Shouhei groaned, but both of them hugged her back.

"It's not like... we'll never see him," Sayuri muttered. "U.A. isn't very far from here-"

"It's too far!" Ochako whined and clung to Shouhei. "But... I'm still proud of you... proud of both of you," she said, pulling back. "Even if my Mom instincts aren't ready to let you go," she laughed and kissed Sayuri's forehead. "At least I get my precious girl for a few more years."

"Mom!" Sayuri snorted and gently pushed on her cheek.

"Okay, okay... I'll stop smothering you. We need to get going anyway. Sayuri, can you go get your father? I think he's out back... and Shou, we need to get these last few boxes in the car. " She stepped away and pressed her hands together, activating her quirk on a few of the boxes, carrying them with ease out of Shouhei's room.

"Okay," Sayuri said, standing up from the bed.

As she made her way to the backyard, she fully expected to see her father in the yard, setting off tiny explosions or doing something active. When he stressed, he usually worked off steam in the only way he knew how. After 13 years of living with him, Sayuri was used to her father's emotional habits.

She slid the door open, surprised to find him sitting on the edge, staring quietly out at the grass.

"Dad?" she asked; for a moment, she felt bad breaking the silence. He seemed peaceful and even she was well aware that was rare for Bakugou Katsuki.

"Mmm... what is it?" he grunted, turning to look at her.

"Mom said... we're ready to go... but, uh, are you okay?"

Katsuki flopped back against the deck, folding his arms under his head. "Yeah, kiddo, why the hell wouldn't I be?"

Sayuri pursed her lips and stepped outside, sliding the door behind her. She took a seat next to him. "Are you a little sad Shouhei is leaving?"

"Mmm..." he grunted, pushing himself up. "Would be kinda stupid to be. He's not gonna be far away and I want him to grow the fuck up."

She snorted. "Yeah. I bet. He's an idiot."

"Oi! Don't talk about your brother that way."

"But you just-!"

"It's different when it's me. I'm your father!" he said, huffing out.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, folding her arms over her chest. "I... am going to miss Shouhei being around all the time..." she whispered quietly, swinging her legs over the side of their deck. "I know he's going to be close by but... it's different... you know?"

Katsuki's hand gently pat the top of her head, messing up her blond hair. "I know..."

"It's okay if you're... gonna miss him too," she said quietly.

"Mmm. Your brother is a strong kid and I want him to succeed and do well," he muttered. "Hell I know he'll succeed and do well. It is gonna be a little fucking weird seeing his room all empty and shit."

"Mhm..." Sayuri nodded.

Katsuki smirked, turning towards her. "I get to have you for a few more years at least."

"Yup," she smiled. "You're stuck with me."

"Good. I'm not letting you out of my damn sight!" he teased, pulling her towards him as he tickled her sides.

"No, Dad! Stop!" she laughed. "We have to leave! Mom is gonna get angry!"

"Don't make excuses!" he said, slowly letting up on his grip, but he kept Sayuri in his arms, staying quiet for a moment.

"Dad?"

"It's fucking difficult..." he muttered. "Watching you two idiots grow up. I love it and hate it."

She blinked, looking at her father's red eyes. He looked tired, more shaken than he wanted to let on. She knew her father loved training with Shouhei, pushing him to his limits. She could always hear the two of them laughing and yelling in the backyard, working on their quirks. She was always jealous... and now she couldn't even be a sparring partner for her father, not in the way he would want her to be.

"I'll just live at home for the rest of my life I guess," she sighed dramatically.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "That's the only damn solution."

"Mhm. Then Mom can do my laundry forever."

"Don't fuckin' count on that, baby girl," he said, pushing himself up. "The last thing your Mom needs is anymore stress. Let's get going."

"Sure," she said, following his lead. "Dad," she called out, pausing before he opened the door. "I love you..." she muttered, her cheeks flushing as she spoke.

Katsuki smirked. "Love you too, baby girl."

She really hoped her dad wasn't taking Shouhei leaving too hard. She knew her mom was going to cry, but maybe her dad wanted to too? She sometimes wished he didn't keep his feelings inside so much, maybe then she wouldn't have felt like she had to as well.

~~

Arata set down the final box in his dorm, wiping his brow. Now would've been the perfect time to start training, with his body all heated and intense. He'd sent his parents to help Yuuta, since the idiot had managed to pack far more than him. Besides, Arata was perfectly happy to unpack on his own. He wanted to set up his room how he liked it.

The class B dorm was located right next to the class A one, but for some reason, Arata felt like it was miles away.

Good. He preferred to focus rather than have Yuuta bugging him all night.

Even though Yuuta had always been right down the hall... this was different and strange, and for once he was actually independent?

He stared at a box on his floor, knowing he should start unpack, but for some reason his body felt heavy, like he was weighed down by some unknown force.

"Knock, knock!"

Behind him his mother's voice startled him and he turned to face Momo. Her long dark hair was pulled up into a large bun and she smiled at him. "Can I come in?" she asked, still standing in the door frame.

He supposed this was one time he couldn't exactly say no to his mother.

"Yeah," he said and moved one of the boxes off of his bed.

"You know, your father had a traditional style room when we were in high school," she began, taking a seat on the side of his bed. "My room was taken up by mostly my bed," she laughed. "I'm happy to see you and Yuuta have more... balanced rooms."

Arata honestly thought his room looked very plain.

"Did you finish Yuuta's room?" he asked.

"Almost," Momo nodded. "Your father is finishing up a few things but, they're mostly done. I wanted to come check on you. Though it seems I didn't have to."

"Yeah, everything here is fine," he said. He didn't need his mother's help to set up his room. He wasn't a child anymore, and he wanted to prove that to her and his father.

Momo glanced at the two unopened boxes now on the floor that Arata had left. "I could help with those," Momo said, pointing to the two.

"It's fine. I'll do them later probably," Arata shrugged.

Momo glanced down, scraping her teeth over her lip. "Mhm. Okay..."

He hated being awkward with his parents, he really did... but he couldn't keep letting them hold him back from achieving what he wanted.

"Your father and I were thinking we could go out to dinner one last time, just the four of us?" Momo said. "Since my precious boys are moving out," she laughed. "It's going to be very quiet at home without you two. Ochako is lucky she gets to have Sayuri still!"

Arata winced, feeling bad for turning down his mother so often. "I dunno, I'm not that hungry. I kinda wanna read ahead in text books and check up on what we're going to be talking about this year..."

"Oh..." Momo sighed. "We'd really appreciate it if you came to dinner. I don't want to force you, but... this is your family. You know how important family is to your father, to me."

Arata pushed his teeth against his lower lip, the guilt rolling under his skin. He did know, and he especially knew how mad his father would be if he found out Arata was training with Endeavor... so many times had Shouto reassured him of so many things... So many times in the past month had he shut his door and not let Momo in. He could see from the look in her dark eyes it hurt far more than maybe even he realized.

He swallowed. "I just..."

"Arata," Momo began, turning her gaze towards him. Her dark eyes were sharp and focused on his gentle blues. "I don't... wish to make assumptions about what you are feeling. Being a teenager is... difficult," she began, gently placing her hand over her chest. "I had no idea how to utilize my quirk when I was your age and... I had very little faith in my own abilities. Your father was one of the first people to believe in me and actually help me see what I could do."

Arata stared back at his mother. She was a powerful force. Her creation quirk was unique and incredible... seeing her make practically anything she wanted had always been amazing to Arata. He didn't deny her strength, nor did he deny his father's... and both of them were so humble about it. He could recall times out shopping where his mother would sign autographs for little girls who wanted to be just like her.

He honestly couldn't imagine her being insecure and nervous. It just... didn't seem to suit her. She was so poised and collected all the time, and she certainly handled herself better than his father did on occasions.

Momo sighed, standing up to take Arata's hand. "Whatever you're going through, I will never force you to talk about it." She gently brushed her hand through his hair, her fingers trailing through the red and black pieces. "But know, that your father and I... and your brother are always here for you, no matter what." She brought her hands around Arata's cheeks, cupping his face. "I know you're going to do great things here." She pressed her lips against his forehead. "I love you. You and Yuuta will always be my precious gifts."

The lump that pressed against his throat hurt, especially when he tried to swallow it down. He didn't want to cry in front of his mother, especially when he didn't know why he would. It wasn't like he would never see his parents again... and he wanted this. He wanted to be away from them and be given the chance to prove himself.

He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her back. He could give her that... it wasn't as if he didn't love his mother. "I love you too..." he mumbled shyly.

"Alright..." she whispered, and he noticed the way her eyes glistened with tears threatening to fall. "I-I better let you get back to it!"

"Mom..." he muttered. "Don't cry... it's not like Yuuta and I won't see you."

"I-I know, sweetheart. I just hate thinking about the house being so empty."

"Dad's still there," he said, his cheeks flushing. He couldn't deal with his mother crying over them leaving.

"It's different," she said.

Arata sighed. "Okay, okay... I'll come to dinner. Let's just get you out of here so you stop crying."

Momo blinked, staring at her boy, a smile pulling across her face. "You want to come to dinner?"

"Yeah... Lemme guess, Dad wants soba."

Momo giggled and hugged Arata again. "Yes. But you do too, don't you?"

"It doesn't sound bad..." he grunted.

After shutting them out constantly for the past month, one night with his family couldn't be too bad.

~~

"And you know you can come home whenever you want?"

"Yes, Mom," Shouhei sighed. "This is the fourth time you've said it."

"Well... I get nervous!" she said. "If you're unhappy, I don't want you to think you can't come home or change schools or anything like that! You don't have to stay because your father and I did." Ochako rushed through her words, tears bubbling at the corner of her eye.

"Mom, please don't explode. That's Dad's job," Sayuri sighed, folding her arms over her chest.

"Okay, okay. I'm calm, I promise," she said, leaning against Katsuki.

The Bakugous had shared a nice family dinner out, enjoying a grand meal of curry. But now they were dropping Shouhei back at the dorm and Ochako could barely get out her goodbye.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. "I just don't wanna let you go yet, Shou," she whimpered.

"Mom, seriously... I'll be fine," he said, shaking his head.

"I know, you say this, but..." she whimpered.

"You better be fucking good! I don't wanna get anymore phone calls about you causing fucking problems with the Half and Half twins!" Katsuki snapped.

Shouhei groaned, stepping away from his mother. "I won't okay," he glared, and turned towards Sayuri, guilt flashing through her brown eyes. They usually only got in trouble trying to protect her.

He could tell being at the school made her uncomfortable. There were plenty of different classes at U.A. so really Sayuri could attend if she wanted to... but he knew deep down inside she wanted to be a part of the hero class... standing with him.

She'd be quiet ever since they got to the school, and admittedly, Shouhei was a little worried about her going back to that damn middle school without him there. At least she had Kazu...

He thought to mention it to his parents, but the last thing he wanted to do was worry them more.

"I love you, Mom," he said, hugging her one more time. "You too, Dad... and Sayu I guess..."

He stepped over to his sister and hugged her one final time. "Don't do anything stupid," she teased. He rolled his eyes, pulling away from her, and he really wanted to tell her to be safe. He didn't like leaving his parents, but especially his sister...

"Okay, I'm sure I'll see you in a few weekends or something," he shrugged, trying to be casual about it, but leaving his family was... surprisingly difficult.

"Of course! You can come home anytime you like," Ochako said, smiling as she gently rubbed his head. "Now go kick some ass!"

"Hell yes!" he cheered.

Waving goodbye, he made his way back to the dorm room. A few others were still moving in and saying goodbye to their parents. Shouhei couldn't believe these people would be his friends over the next few years.

But he especially couldn't believe that Yuuta's room was so damn close to his. Finally, they could hang out all the time, just as they had dreamed of when they were little kids.

He smirked, tucking his hands into his pockets as she gently rapped on Yuuta's door. No one would be around to bug them. Arata wouldn't be there... no parents... even with a curfew, Shouhei was thrilled.

The door creaked open and Yuuta's face immediately lit up. "Shou!" he said, opening the door wide for him.

"Hey Yuuta," he said, stepping inside, letting the door shut behind him. He was smiling so wide, his cute cheeks slightly flushed. Oh, it took all of his effort not to grab his cheeks and pull him in for a kiss.

"Did you just get back from dinner?"

"Mhm..." he said. "Did you? Did Arata go with you guys?"

"Yes and shockingly, yes! I think he was feeling pretty guilty since Mom was sort of crying and stuff," Yuuta giggled. "I was going to make a joke that he's weak to her crying... but... all of us are."

"Yeah, my mom cried too. For a second I thought my dad would cause he had this weird scrunched up look on his face, but he didn't," Shouhei snorted.

"I really don't think I can imagine your dad crying..." Yuuta said, his eyes wide, blinking while he thought about the scenario.

"Trust me, I only saw it a few times as a kid," he admitted. "I think he was crying over Sayuri and shit... It was... weird."

"I'll bet... I can't think of a time I ever saw my dad cry."

"Mmm Shouto is really stoic."

"Yeah," Yuuta laughed. "Kinda like Arata! He was really quiet at dinner, but I think my parents were happy he at least came this time."

"Yeah... have you asked him what his deal is?" Shouhei asked, tilting his head.

"Mmm... Kinda... he wouldn't really talk to me. He just keeps mentioning how he wants to get stronger and stuff," Yuuta sighed. "I don't get it. He's plenty strong as is! He's stronger than me for sure," Yuuta said. Shouhei couldn't count how many times he'd heard Yuuta say that. He disagreed, but he knew Yuuta would get all flustered and say Shouhei was wrong.

Cute.

But right now, Yuuta just looked sad. Knowing him, he probably missed his parents a lot, and with Arata acting so distant... maybe everything just felt far away.

But Shouhei was right here.

He wrapped his arms around Yuuta and pulled him onto his bed, the two of them collapsing down onto the plush surface. "Hey... you know what though..."

"Hm?" Yuuta blushed, tilting his dark eyes to look at Shouhei.

"I get to do this as much as I want now." He leaned down and brushed their lips together, kissing him gently. He cupped at his cheek and gently sucked on his lower lip. Yuuta's soft sigh against his lips only spurred him on and he rolled closer to Shouhei.

"I don't mind... that..." Yuuta whispered, his cheeks flushed. Shouhei just adored how shallow Yuuta's breathing grew when he kissed him, like he actually took his breath away.

"I'm excited to be living this close to you," Shouhei said, smiling against his lips. "Maybe I can just stay in your room," he smirked.

"S-Shouhei!" Yuuta gasped, gently pushing on his chest. "We could get in serious trouble for that!"

His black eyes looked so nervous, his round cheeks flushed, and Shouhei couldn't help but laugh. "Calm down, Yuu... I wouldn't actually stay over. I'm not gonna get you in fuckin' trouble," he snorted.

"Oh really?" Yuuta giggled, shaking his head. "I find that hard to believe."

"I promise I'm not gonna do anything you're uncomfortable with," he said, cupping his cheeks to kiss him again.

He'd known he'd been crushing on Yuuta for as long as he could remember actually having feelings for someone. They were friends, but he could never stop thinking about how cute Yuuta was. How when he got nervous, he was adorable, but there were other times he was strong and badass, ready to defend Sayuri with him. Whatever nerves he may have had went out the window when it came to justice and being a good person.

Yuuta always went above and beyond. He was going to be a perfect hero, Shouhei just knew it. And Shouhei loved him, even if he wasn't quite ready to tell him that yet.

"I know you wouldn't," Yuuta whispered. Against Shouhei's hip, his hand felt warm, though Shouhei was well aware of how cold Yuuta's flames could be... how incredibly blue and lovely they looked.

He couldn't wait to train with him.

"I can't believe we're actually here... at U.A!" Shouhei chuckled, pecking his lips again as he snuggled close to him.

"I know!" Yuuta laughed, though Shouhei could sense the slight hesitation in his voice.

"Hey," he said, peering down at him. "No matter what happens... we have each other, okay?" he said, pressing his lips against his gently.

"Yeah, I know... I'm really happy we're here together," Yuuta said, smiling as he kissed Shouhei back, wrapping his arm around his neck.

"Me too..."

No matter what, Shouhei would be supporting Yuuta, and honestly, he was happy to have Yuuta there as well. School was starting tomorrow and the first night away from home was, admittedly, a little scary... but with Yuuta here, Shouhei felt a comfort he prayed to never be without.

[yawmanzo]

Yaws Personal Reflection on Touka Kirishima

I'd like to start of with this quote by Touka in the novels. 

“What the hell do you know? It's all because I can't eat, because I could become a target at any time, all because I'm a ghoul! No matter how much I try, there's a wall I can never jump over, and there's happiness I can never have. But I'm still hanging on to life. Despite it all”

Followed by this from part 1.  

And of course this from Yomo.

As you can see there’s a pattern, and if I wanted to I could indulge you with a fuckton more Touka quotes/panels to further exemplify these, but I digress because I ramble too much and words alone aren’t enough to truly encapsulate everything in its entirety😒.

Alrighty then, let’s get this long rambling journey started! I dub thee:

“Strength in weakness and Weakness in strength”

What makes Touka such an interesting character for me in terms of her writing is that there’s a lot of nuances to her that make her so fascinating to read. Because of these elements, I feel as though leads to a general misconception/misunderstanding of her character in favor of either completely overlooking or simply dismissing them and marking them as purely simplistic and well… not important/uninteresting. I for one believe that there lies a profound complex simplicity and simple complexity of sorts to a lot of these nuances that can be very easy to miss, but are of crucial note to consider, most especially the subtleties to her growth in :re alongside many important thematic elements of the story, other characters and herself.

Adjacent with this is her own personality, decisiveness , selflessness and immense sheer mental fortitude in the face of adversity; living while losing things, moving forward with the little they have, in the hopes of gaining as little or as much as they can towards a peaceful world where such a thing is virtually taboo for ghouls and humans trapped in the bird cage.

Additionally is her journey being the opposite to Kaneki, wherein he became more ghoul like than human in pursuit of strength (since human is normally denoted as weak). Meanwhile Touka underwent an opposite journey in which she became more human like than ghoul, and there’s a fine dichotomy/conflict for balance between the two that we see with the tribulations faced in the story. In other words strength in weakness (Ghoul- human) and weakness in strength (Human-ghoul) and the various connotations. 

Moreover is the conflict she herself feels as a ghoul in viewing herself as a monster, thus wanting to be more human, 

even when others view her in a different light in conjunction with the earlier harsh actions she would make for the sake of her survival and of others.

We even see how she saves Kaneki numerous times when she didn't really have any obligation to do so in the beginning after considering his own plight in the world as a half ghoul with no place to belong to via Yoshimuras explanation. It’s due to her caring nature that on the surface comes off as very “hard” due to the exterior she puts up as a result of the life she’s lived.

Special mention to when he almost ate Hide after fighting Nishki in his starving state and her stepping in, 

thus saving the both of them, something that made Hide very grateful towards her for. (And Hide being hype wing man since chapter 1)

And although her threatening to kill Hide and Kimi in relation to their human relations with Kaneki and Nishki comes across as very cruel, its also due to the volatile position that they have in human society as ghouls for security and safety. 

For all intents of purposes, their safety takes preference, and we see how this does change in her being able to trust them with their secret, because it’s a risky one that could lead to them losing everything. 

Which as we know, that level of trust didn't exactly work out too well for her and Ayato as little kids that forced them to fend for themselves in the world.

There are several instances where she does come across as real vicious and as Kaneki says “scary”, but also very caring in her own way during many stages of part 1 when he needed someone the most in the world, which is something he remains eternally grateful to her for in his life. She provided that foundation for him in the ghoul world. 

As Uta mentions, she's continuously walking a very tight rope between both worlds and there's a constant struggle faced with everything that she deals with in which she simply cannot afford even the tiniest of slips.

What Touka has wanted from the beginning is a chance at a normal peaceful life, away from the violent lifestyle she was forced into as a ghoul, and all the battles and killings she has had to partake in.

Her envy for the life that humans live, her hatred for herself in being a ghoul yet longing for peace and understanding between both species are ones that continuously drive her character forward. ([x]- @encase great explanation of this!)

It’s always been the characters of a set case between her and Kaneki as stated earlier. Kaneki a former human was forced into the ghoul world yet was already living a violent and miserable human lifestyle. While Touka lived a harsh ghoul life which initially had somewhat of a human like upbringing with Arata and Ayato, before that life was lost. There's also her curiosity in wanting to learn more and be a part of the human world. (@wishes-upon-dreams has lots of good novel shots!)

These are two symbolic thematic attributes of Tokyo Ghoul between these two alone, and all the complications that come with it.

Another worthy line from her in the novels is wherein she and Kaneki make human food for Touka to give to her friend Yoriko after a misunderstanding they had. 

Touka remarks on Kaneki attempting to taste the food whilst being aware that he's no longer a full human anymore. Kaneki admits that in the moment that fact was lost on him due to how the food looked and of course him wistfully remembering being able to eat and taste all these types of foods. She comments on which scenario is worse between the two: one who's lost an ability, or one who never had the ability to begin with. 

“Who has it worse- someone who was never equipped with a function, or someone who had it and lost it?”

AKA Kaneki losing his ability to eat human food, and Touka never having the ability to eat human food. 

Well at least her pregnancy later on gave that nice little cake development parallel.

So... a lot tend to dismiss her as too weak or bland of a character, or how her relationship with Kaneki stripped away her own “independent” character. In other words, her role of importance got reduced. Which… yeah there were times that her appearances got sidelined and so forth in us not seeing her as much. But I'll mention that briefly later with regards to Ishidas writing style with some of his characters.

Firstly, with the “independence” part… a characters relations they have with others doesn’t make them weak that goes concurrently with their very own distinct development. (obviously depending on the circumstances mind you and how its established)

In fact the narrative in TG shows how taking things up solely alone leads to more suffering and increased burden that ultimately comes crashing down towards said character without the bonds they form with others. (Eg Kanekis main flaw that Touka opposes with selfish V selfless that she explicitly exposes him for in part 1 with the bridge scene) Note that there are semblances that both invoke and affect each with in a complementary/similar yet opposing way that I've talked about before in the Touken reflection.

Kaneki takes everyone's burdens by himself in order to protect them, but he's not really the selfless martyr he thinks he is. They never asked for his protection, in fact they want to help and be with him, but he's terrified of losing them, thus opting to shoulder all their burdens. He pushed them away and avoided them in order to protect them, AKA Hide and Touka. In doing so it hurts both sides immensely in not being able to really save the other.

Touka can not only see a bit of Arata and Ayato (soldier of Aogiri) in Kaneki with regards to the whole pursuit of power and strength by waging war and advancing violence to protect, but also a bit of herself in some her own actions done to protect those she cares about that they themselves did not ask for. She hits the nail right on the coffin with him because she knows how he is, because she has that affect on him.

This is seen in the novels to an extent with her fighting off students that made fun of Yoriko. Yoriko mentioned that she didn't want Touka to do that for her even though it hurt her. The situation simply just made her more sad, along with Yorikos own lack of self worth in feeling like she was a burden to Touka.

When Touka partakes in her revenge against Mado and the doves for killing Ryouko in order to protect Hinami 

a similar thing happens (which wasn't all violence as seen by her trying to give misinformation to the CCG and stir attention away from them). 

Hinami laments that she never wanted revenge, but was rather just sad. In both instances Touka doesn't understand why her protecting them through those means was wrong at first, but we see how it affects her in each case with regards to the feelings of those she cares about.

Touka mentions Ayatos reluctance in not wanting to learn more about human society and wanting to safely protect him when it's the same human society that led to their parents demise and one that is systematically established to kill them . After all, humans are just food to them as ghouls, and ghouls are monsters to them right?

With these genuinely selfless actions and ideals, she realized how they pushed the people she cared about. Actually it's quite sad how Touka is always getting abandoned by those she cares about in her life, such as Hikari,Arata,Ayato,Kaneki, Hinami, Yoshimura, Irimi, Koma, Yoriko etc etc. Obviously each of these throughout her life have different factors to them through her own actions and those of others that led to being left alone and or tragically losing them.

Along with this is generally her struggle in communicating/expressing her true feelings towards others through words alone which can often lead to ironic misunderstandings in the moment that she regrets many times.  

(which is a trait she shares with Yomo and Ayato).  

“I'm really bad at sorting out my feelings, and although I try to put up a good front, I'm incredibly immature, and I hate that about myself”-Touka

Man the novels really are such gems with extra insight to her character. In essence you can show how she does have good intentions. She really doesn't want to lose more of her loved ones and be alone, unless it involves letting go in certain situations and considerations. 

I’m not necessarily justifying her relapse in actions here, but you can see just how pissed off she got with Kanekis tragic heroism vendetta

,that and well the man straight up lied about not leaving her alone. (thanks Hide for the chin tip). 

Yes Kaneki does genuinely want to “protect” his loved ones, 

but he's doing it all wrong in never even considering their own feelings in regard to his whole quest and them being unable to help him, hence being selfish and not wanting to be alone himself. As we see, it’s something he eventually realizes due to Touka’s effect on him. 

(which is another thing that both share, fear of being alone that they express differently yet similarly) Cool how the whole rabbit motif is used to exemplify this too, since they can die from loneliness due to the strong relationship bonds they form.

Doing everything alone is a constant no no in TG. Cough Kenny boy, rely on your loved ones, they love you. Though we see how and why he and many others in the story become that way with the whole “you're weak and lack of ability” perception for power and strength. It’s very understandable for many of these characters and it’s quite profound with the many layers to it aside from just the physical that at times come across as very contradictory. “Weakness in strength and strength in weakness”

Tangent, but this also goes in conjunction with Uries development in overcoming that very same flaw he had himself to where he realized it faster than Kaneki did.  

And of course the whole point of the dragon arc to show that people, in other words everyone (ghouls and humans) HAVING to rely on each other to combat a common threat and achieve coexistence when needed to even with the flawed prejudiced nature of the human world towards ghoul kind. 

Anyways, back to Touka chan.

I really do not believe Touka to be a “weak” character. In fact she’s very strong in her own way since there’s many different types of “strength” and complexities to many of these characters. One who’s strength does not solely rely on her physical abilities or quick thinking/hard work (I mean hell she caught up to years of school at a late age almost gearing up to go to Kamii university which is for proper smart students whilst working at Ainteku). And of course her curiosity on learning more about the world with regards to humans and ghouls that she later instilled in a rather practical sentimental manner as an “advisory” figure.

Ya’ll remember when she was basically hood AF in the streets with that underground ghoul dialect?

By the way holy hell she can speak two languages, that's pretty dope. Except for those skills in Japanese literature... lol that’s just a Rip😂

Point being there are many different testaments of complexity and strength she possess as her own character away from just “the physical”.

Growth

Touka’s character matures and grows a lot in :re becoming more passive, cool headed and wiser as the manager of :re. Like when I first read :re bruh, I was always like “woah this is Touka now? Damn she's changed so much” (and got more thicc)  

even with some of her distinct traits still being there… Like her blunt and direct 0 fucks teasing sass, I love me some sass. She definitely lived up to Aintekus legacy and then some with Yoshimuras influence.

She valued the importance of peacekeeping as manager of :re, and its implied that her, Yomo and Nishki performed those roles, similar to how Yoshimura did with the bits of informants they had from others as well. 

She became not just more empathetic but generally more sympathetic to an extent, understanding and kind towards others most especially those that wronged her, those she cares about and those she herself has hurt in the past.  We see this time and time again. 

Few examples include her giving Shinohara the flowers 

tying into her forgiveness arc with Arata, the violent CCG perpetual cycle in general, and also got tied in with Juuzou

which got referenced as a point of contention for their characters during their encounter underground.

We see this with Shuu and her explanation for why cafe :re exists as an homage to Ainteku for humans and for ghouls to feel safe in (the spiritual home of coexistence) , as well as a place for Kaneki to return home to, as Yoshimura once wished for with Eto.

Touka prioritizes his well being and happiness over hers, even with the flawed situation wherein they both care about Kaneki in their own way and have differing viewpoints.

Shuu admits to Touka that she’s right in him being an egotist, alongside seeing her point of view when he fights Haise. 

Touka also admits that she understands where Shuu is coming from, because she does desire for Kaneki to be with them.

Both parties raise valid points in their own way since they do genuinely care, however the difference in intent further shows that selfless nature of Touka in waiting for Kaneki to come back when HE needs to, not by forcing him when Haise had the whole Haise/Kaneki memory personality conflict that he needed to resolve himself that we see in the Rosewald and Cochlea arcs.

It’s also interesting to note how Kaneki in part 1 distanced himself to protect her from the ghoul world whilst being aware that she as a ghoul can never truly live with just being solely in the human world and the dangers that it possesses in it’s own right towards ghouls.

In :re she means for him not be brought back into the ghoul world due to his suffering in it for so long in order to protect his well being and happiness. 

Yet the human world he lives in the CCG is also categorized by violence, suffering and conflict that Haise/Kaneki gets further thrown into. Plus we see how Shuu himself feels about that world due to what happened with his own family in their battle against CCG and Kaneki/Haise being a ghoul investigator. Both cases show how genuine and flawed these motives are, yet also painting the feelings they have in caring for the other in their own distinct ways that's not as straightforward black and white. “Selfish V Selfless”

She forgives her brother Ayato because she understood him to an extent with his faults (not that she ever harbored hatred for him in the first place because she loves him). 

Touka sees why he did the things he did because. He wanted to become stronger in Aogiri and protect her, even though he hurt her, as Kaneki exposed to him in their fight. Cue 103 god damn bones.

“Does it hurt? I think Touka chan experienced more pain than that”- Kaneki

Yeah nah... That’s just tough😂 Later on we see how Ayato took this to heart by taking on the Black Rabbit persona in order to lure CCG investigators away from Touka, thus clearing her tracks.

With this she goes to assure him with sincerity in directing him in the right path moving forward despite everything, thus mending their complicated sibling relationship in their own Tsundere Kirishima way.

She gives Kaneki his will to live through her loyal love, influence and support spanning years and years of waiting with the undying faith she possesses towards those she cares about and to him. Not that she had to herself anyway since Kaneki always held her on such a high level of importance in his life throughout the whole story with ALL his personalities and their whole evolutionary dynamic as a whole.

 That's another thing about her, that fierce faith is truly special despite the instances it isn’t rewarded.

 I mean when this man was on the verge of losing everything and giving in on his plan to die in style, the thought of her and everyone else dying kept him going along with the Hide inner monologue during the Arima fight. 

“It may not be stylish, but live”

She allows Goat and the lost ghouls (including the Aogiri children) to use cafe :re as their safety hideout away from CCG, that has CCG members themselves (AKA 0 squad). Once again reinforcing that spiritual home of coexistence.

Side note- another cool tidbit is seeing Toukas natural maternal instincts with children, something we saw bits of with Hinami and Ayato in part 1 as well as the novels. 

Her taking care of the ghoul children with Hinami and reading to them were always super adorable to see in also foreshadowing her as a mother and just generally a very kind caring person which she's always been at heart.

Next big demonstration of her growth we see is the convo with Amon in which they both come to a mutual understanding of the circumstances that forced their actions in such a cruel world of kill or be killed.

alongside her offering advice to him about going to see Akira in relation to her feelings about Kaneki.

Then there’s the Akira convo with Hinami: which remains one of my favorites indications of how much she’s developed from part 1 (also because of how similar Touka and Akira are in many ways... I love em). Chapter 120 was one of the first major steps towards seeing how these characters can break the human/ghoul violent perpetual cycle with general empathy and even sympathy to an extent as difficult as it may be. To instill hope into their world, where all they knew was hopeless continuous bloodshed.

Being able to confront Akira directly with what happened, not being focused on continuing the cycle of revenge.

Going on to showcase some semblance of being able to relate with her own experiences and of their fathers in painting the cruel intricate nature of both sides in regards to the actions they take- be it survival, revenge, power to protect, or all the above. Thus slowly shifting Akira’s ingrained beliefs and perspective to it’s core.

It's interesting how Ishida mentioned inspiration from a war documentary applied in the reconciliation between Akira and Hinami , and Touka was the one that initiated that through her development and teachings from others and her own life experiences. 

(Shout to Sen for the translations! @kenkamishiro)

Mind you this was a VERY complicated and tough situation wherein those wounds aren’t somehow magically healed between them, but at the very least the continuous cycle of vengeance was subverted in order to move forward.

She's often seen as a very forgiving person towards others in :re, too forgiving at times actually, which is one of her biggest strengths and weaknesses. Or that she doesn't “fight hard” enough and let's go too easily.  But one can also see why she's like that, mainly due to the priorities she sets and well… she ain't got time to dwell on things like revenge, war and violence anymore even if it's completely warranted and justified. She's seen and experienced first hand what that does to herself and others time and time again. She knows the script and prioritizes moving forward away from that, even if it hurts her and them having to constantly pick and choose in the process.  

As long as a situation of conflict can be resolved in any way, they'll continue to live and survive in the world. Mental fortitude is a big strength of hers when it comes to pressing forward in the face of adversity.

It’s even more notable to notice this development when looking back at the violent, angsty and tragic harsh life she lived as a ghoul with Ayato from childhood towards their teens years. After all it's a kill or be killed world, one where the strong take from the weak, and the weak are the ones that perish.

That and how viciously she lashed out at others, herself and the world through violence and rage due to that bloody ghoul lifestyle. The hard harsh exterior, soft kind interior continuously interchanged, intertwined and crossed several thresholds.

Highkey nice heavy parallel to Hikari and Arata though. As Yomo mentioned, Hikari used to be quite savage back when she was younger until she calmed down later on in life with her family, and where Arata was a really kind pacifist type ghoul, her death led to him later becoming a “monster” out of revenge that resulting in his downfall. In many ways also applying to both Touka and Kaneki with their own unique divergences. And of course the parallels between Ayato and Yomo in regards to their respective pursuits for strength and revenge. 

“The world is power, let’s use power to decide who’s superior. Careless idiot. You are weak. So you lose. Just like father.”- Ayato

“Who is the strongest? I fucking am”- Kaneki

“...I want to become strong”- Yomo

“I also need to get stronger”- Touka

“Strength in weakness and weakness in strength”

“Strength” and “power” as a whole is extremely intricate, with all the different types of it in its many variations/forms that come with their own respective advantages and disadvantages.

So many of these different attributes and aspects we see to be something that many characters in the story come to admire from Touka as a person, a ghoul , sister, friend, wife and manager of :re/ fellow leader of GOAT along with Kaneki and right hand man Shuu.

Sure Ishida could have definitely utilized and actually showcased more scenes with her doing things in which we could see a lot of this development/moments onscreen, especially the first half of :re (as a matter of fact I’d be on the first train to destination MORE TOUKA STUFF AND WRITING EMPHASIS PLEASE)

But one can also deduce the salient impact of her smaller scale actions/motivations that attribute to the plot, many characters and the very essence of the story thematically and even that of her character. A phrase I always use to describe that belief is “Yo Touka is doing bits” which basically means how those moments may seem really minuscule at first, but are actually very meaningful.

This also includes her evolving personality from part 1 as a consequence of the melancholic and painful stoic adverse nature of the world that genuinely did affect her for many years on end. There’s also kind of parallel with her really. Second half of part 1 Touka scenes weren’t as much in favor of Kaneki and other characters development, but they were very impactful in their own moments, in contrast to the first half of :re with a similar sentiment.

Plus I mean well, one can see how much Ishida struggled with writing his main cast of characters in :re with part 1 characters and side characters with some getting more development/ specific writing priority over others in different fashions alongside MANY plot points and concepts. That and yes several plot points and character interactions with her did get dropped in the story/didn't get as much development on screen as they should have, which mind you isn't just exclusive to her character alone like in the case of several others. One little missed opportunity is the Yoriko reunion that didn't happen on screen which was really unfortunate as that would have been so emotional to see for them both, (and me since I kept waiting for it)

But at least she saw her wedding with Bujin to make sure she was ok 

and them reuniting offscreen during the end time skip was good. Ichika loving aunty Yorikos bread and Mucchans apples is a blessing, so thank goodness for that. 

And yes there's a lot of other stuff that could be mentioned as well that would have been great to see onscreen, but eh what can you do.

While many favor her character in part 1, which is fair because my god she was fire AF🔥

it’s also important to notice all the subtle factors that led to her personality and growth shifting the way it did from a teenager to young adult whilst still maintaining her distinct “Touka” traits (then again I love her in everything so😅). That’s the whole point of it, to show how people change in life, what would be the point if she remained the exact same as part 1 in terms of writing?

Again, different strokes for different folks, but I personally appreciate both depictions and find them very fascinating in their own rights especially with their flaws that continuously kept me glued to her character even with the discrepancies in screen time.

In other words, I find her journey very interesting to read and interpret, particularly since there’s a lot of writing cues to her in favor of being designated in deciphering rather than explicitly stated in all lines of text and dialogue. Perhaps that’s the main issue with some aside from the whole her not being shown as much? The fact that a lot of the writing is nuanced in several ways and not as right in your face with text panels/ inner monologues and inner character thoughts emphasized and fleshed out? Either way, those visual cues/elements of show don’t tell and at times “less equals more” being implemented in the story are ones that always make me so passionate about her character. To ascertain her thoughts, feelings, actions and motivations  when the narrative doesn’t state it as right in your face but rather deduced through the already established notions and elements that are set/keep getting set.

I have no idea if I’m making sense😑

But yeah that’s how I see it. Like something as simple as her just not saying anything, or words being omitted in favor of emphasis being placed on subtle visual representation in a panel just makes me want to always see more of her and decipher her thoughts without her even having to state all of them outwardly. This conveyance without the need of many words (which don’t get me wrong would be greatly appreciated in many instances!) doesn’t really hinder her as boring to me, rather very intriguing, but again each to their own you know?

Continuing on her desire to be with those she loves and not be alone, in other words to gain as much as she can with the little available while losing things. She told Ayato the same sentiment which can ESPECIALLY be meant for Kaneki too.

“Rely on others for a change”

An aspect of her strength stems from her ability and strong personality in which she carries herself when all the odds are against her, and when she herself is very limited to what she can achieve by herself alone in the world, yet continues to fight either way. In other words… she’s realistic in seeing the world as it is with all ones flawed strengths and weaknesses in the face of the tribulations they face and the choices they must make for better or for worse, positive and negative. It also shows the priorities she places in fighting reactively, in other words when she HAS to or in regards to those she cares about where she would rather avoid using violence to solve conflicts in :re unless pressed to do so in response to something or when pressed.

Eg. Saving Shuu from CCG investigators that were on his ass. 

The Kirishima family and Banjou squad Cochlea fights to save Hinami thanks to Kaneki’s aid.

 Versus the Arima squad members 

Sneaky sister save as mask 33.

and versus Arima himself (which honestly that's just a Rip for the whole family). 

Being aided by Eto to push on forwards.

Fighting off Special class Kyoko Aura, Mougan and other CCG members with the other ghouls namely Yomo, Banjou, his squad and Hinami when they themselves were already fatigued. And of course protecting Ayato

showcasing her emerging two wings with that based Hikari Yomo lightning ⚡⚡ 

Later combining forces with Kaneki and 0 squad to escape.

Then there's her fight against Mutsuki that endangered not just her and Kanekis lives, but led to the destruction of :re. The whole shit underground wherein they got attacked whilst already starved and with little resources, forcing retaliation to survive. 

And of course operation save Kenny and Tokyo with dragon. (Title drop)

That doesn’t necessarily make her “weak”, or one who doesn't do much fighting because she's a damsel, particularly when she’s PREGNANT from 128 to the 170s. She fights only when pushed to do so.

Again in 123-124 she held her own against Mutsuki (who’s very strong) when her cafe got destroyed by the oggai and kept her cool, suppressing her emotions when taunted with Yorikos fake “fate” in an attempt to get her all triggered (once more showing her development in :re as part 1 Touka would have definitely lashed out in justified rage)

We see she's clearly hurt by this in 124 despite her trying desperately to subvert that fact and not showcase that much emotion when Kaneki asks if she's ok. She's obviously not as another home/dream of hers got crushed, and its conveyed so effectively yet subdued without her even saying much via her vulnerable posture and her switching the subject to Hide in order to deal with her own feelings about Yoriko, but also that of how Kaneki felt about both Hide and Touka in this painful situation.

Both distanced themselves from their friends in order to protect them, yet yearned desperately to see them. Kaneki did the same with Touka and Hide, Touka did the same with Yoriko and Haise/Kaneki, and as was revealed via talking about Hide- was something he couldn't do anything about. Because if he thought about it, he'd just be consumed by the desire to see them again. Cue Akon “Lonely, I'm mister lonely” and them rooting like rabbits.

You can see how without even saying anything through her facial expressions how Touka feels,

She’s able to connect everything in regards to how they mutually feel the same about this with their friends and their own feelings for each other. Both were terrified of the other dying. 

Which of course led to them finally being able to close that gap of loneliness and pain in which they made love and consummated their relationship. 

Despite all the fuckery of the world around them, all the war that they were in, for just one moment they were finally able to experience happiness in the darkness that both had craved for so long with each other, and it speaks volumes to one of the most important and emotionally resonate symbolic messages of the series. Breaking the barrier between both worlds.

Ghoul-Human

Hell speaking about the unplanned pregnancy, let’s go back to the human esc journey. The narrative has explicitly explained the dangers of human food consumption for ghouls since the very beginning.

In her fight with Ayato, it’s clear how this type of lifestyle has considerably weakened her full ghoul potential in reference to her one Ukaku wing 

and lack of that cold ghoul intensity she used to have as Shuu states.

As mentioned before, Ayato finds her wanting to be part of human society (that denotes weakness) to be idiotic and dangerous due to what happened with their parents and Arata’s upbringing.

Leading his pursuit for ghoul strength and hatred towards humans in Aogiri (which does change through his own development later on)

Yomo also criticized this during their training via her eating Yorikos food to fit in so much at school (novels and part 1) 

and the Itori talk to Kaneki about the failures of ghoul-human hybrids which also gets referenced later with the flawed half humans.  

Later we see Touka ask Kaneki about how Eto was kept alive with Yoshimura a ghoul father and Ukina a human mother. The difference of course is the  reverse in the situation for a ghoul mother.

And of course Mutsuki’s taunting during their second big fight where Touka was at a clear disadvantage.

SHE KNOWS human food is bad for her body due to its weakening effect. It's been a reoccurring thing for her ever since her upbringing with Arata and what influenced her curiosity in wanting to understand humans and the world they live in. Simultaneously it’s almost like she herself is fighting against that known fact and still trying desperately to fit into some kind of normal human esc style of life as a ghoul when she knows she realistically can't.

To be able to enjoy things like cake, burgers and so forth when her ghoul body prohibits this. After all as ghouls they have no choice but to eat humans. Kaneki himself is even baffled by the lengths she would go just to uphold Yorikos feelings over her own. I mean she could easily just lie and not eat the food at all right? 

And yet she still goes the extra mile to not only protect Yorikos feelings whilst endangering herself because she cares so much, but also fight against the notion of her being a ghoul to an almost foolish extent.

It’s why the whole “don’t die, push through me, live” as she’s forcing herself to eat human food to try save her unborn child Ichika is so powerful in contrast to the strong will by Ukina (a human) who actually can digest and cannibalize human meat for her hybrid child Eto. 

For a ghoul to eat human food, is essentially like hell, and if she didn't, her body would naturally consume the foetus, furthermore adding to the perception of her being a monster by taking her own child's life. Her chance at becoming a mother and starting a family would be lost. That's why she’s willing to do anything to give her child even the faintest 1% chance of survival, regardless of how it may hurt and weaken her or how slim the possibilities of success are. [x- great commentary by @mamasaiko and @lilacflamesss !)

That’s why her becoming pregnant didn’t hinder her character to me, it restricted her full potential absolutely, but it also presented the opportunity to put her into extremely constrained dangerous scenarios wherein her immense fortitude and willpower would be tested to its limits with regards to her ability to always make choices, for better or for worse. Again it’s that strength we see numerous characters admire from her.  The hybrid pregnancy is something that should be a very positive thing and very well is as with the whole hope and symbolic aspect of the series for some semblance of light in the darkness. 

It presented the main core message of coexistence in breaking away from the tragic cycle that several characters looked towards, yet it was also one due to situation/wrong timing  that added more struggles and tribulations to be faced. THAT’S THE CONFLICTING DILEMMA that was so damn enthralling and stressful AF to bear witness to!

Her being able to make tough choices time and time again whether she likes them or not. The underground alone had her being forced to lead the ghouls (including children) out of danger and leave her loved ones in order to protect herself, her unborn child and the lives of those ghouls. From Yomo, 

to 0 squad, 

to Hinami all in quick succession… SHE DOESN’T WANT to leave her loved ones, she hates doing that with them having to protect her and being abandoned. But in the situation it’s something she HAS to do by trusting them with that faith. In fact we see in her situation with Hinami how desperately she tries to aid her even with her weakened condition by getting all pissed off. 

It was only when Hinami told her to go protect the children did she finally make that choice.

We don't even see her clouded facial expression or her thoughts, their blocked, which further adds the front she's trying so hard to put in order to remain strong and keep going even though we know it's absolutely killing her inside. She tries to reach out Hinami, but she knows she can't waste more time in hesitating with her decision given the situation, because if she did… well they'd all get fucked.

It's also quite poignant to note the arcs of both here. Hinami herself is still by all means a child of sorts, or rather a young adult protecting her older sister figure, as Touka did for her in part 1 and the novels. 

Hinami's character development is one for strength and self worth, and it was depicted very beautifully yet sad with her monologue about her own perceived weakness she expressed to Ayato and how she viewed Touka and Kaneki in being a burden to them, hence seeking strength by joining Aogiri.

Hinami was able to fight side by side with Touka in her weakened condition, both watching each others backs.

Which is something that makes Touka proud in how much Hinami has grown, yet it also adds to the whole “living while losing things” in that situation in trusting her strength against such volatile odds in order to press forwards with her own survival, that of her unborn child and that of the other helpless ghouls when she hates doing so but has to do so.  Like Ryouko did for Hinami. 

Special mention is Hinamis admiration for her stemming all the way from the beginning “strong, delicate, beautiful”. You did wonderfully in becoming all that and more with your development too Hina👏

When she sees Yorikos letter, SHE WANTS TO SAVE HER and you can see how shocked and pained she is her just by her facial expression

but given Goats very volatile position and Kaneki “dying” at the time, she simply can’t as it would jeopardize their whole organization, and thus she chooses her family, Kaneki and their child when Kaneki himself struggles with his own indecisiveness that could have truly been a trap to lure them into action not based on fortified assurance.

This is another instance Kaneki greatly admires in contrast to his flaw in being indecisive and choosing.

The circumstance itself places this cruel obligation on her to make those choices, but she makes them either way because she has to, otherwise as we’ve seen in TG, failure in making a choice leads to more tragedy. Shit even MAKING choice or choosing not to MAKE a choice can still very well result in that. She COULD have very well elected to save Yoriko, similar to how they went to save Hinami in cochlea (with Ayato, Yomo and Banjou squad) or save Kaneki when he get got captured by Aogiri 

in contrast to how she elected to save Kaneki in the dragon arc (joining forces with CCG and the ghouls). These are all separate choices due to different circumstances and considerations that she makes within those emotional situations, and I love the little line in 148 that she says to Nishki. 

“What should I do?”

She contemplates all the factors and elements available in making a choice. Can they with just the ghouls save Kaneki and Tokyo at large? How do they do that in the first place with the limited resources they have? All she’s known is loss, so... should they just carry on living with that for their own survival when Tokyo is in danger? [x]

Like… there's a lot of unspoken suffering that she was going through in that whole arc alone. Her very own husband and father of their child who called her a monster in the beginning,

became one himself in order to protect them and see her again by devouring most of Tokyo consisting of humans, ghouls and children when they were all on the brink… 

That's tough... and really fucked up. But given the pushed situation (that sure could have been subverted prior), a choice had to be made once again in which they'd face the consequences either way.

Whilst I’ve said that a defining trait of hers is that decisiveness and ability to choose, she herself always contemplates her choices and the consequences thereof even when they are purely emotionally driven. Should I do this? Should I do that? What if I had done this? What if I had done that? In fact that’s the thing about TG in general with MANY characters.  As a matter of fact it applies to the whole cast in general really.

The choices they make, and how it’s not always about whether they are “right” or “wrong” but about how they’re made and how one continues pushing forward from said choice. “Forever choosing, forever being chosen”

And of course the dilemma between one's desire for even the tiniest semblance of happiness opposed to the tough predicament they face and all the outcomes that results from it that prohibit such. 

“Why do things have to be like this?”

Her breakdown at the end of part 1 added greatly to that during the Ainteku raid where they lost everything. She wanted to go help everyone, she didn't want to lose them, yet Yomo stopped her because they had to choose not to in order for them to keep on living with Yoshimura, Irimi and Komas sacrifice, otherwise it would have all been for naught. “Live while losing things”

Kaneki chose to go fight in order to aid/protect everyone because he was tired of not being able to do anything anymore. As a result, it led to his subsequent “death” and tragedy (with the exception of buying time for Irima and Koma v Arima) 

In fact he ponders what if he had chosen to stay away and gone with Touka and Yomo. Perhaps he'd have been able to work with them in the new cafe?

Perhaps if Touka and Yomo went to fight with Kaneki they'd make a difference? Perhaps if Kaneki didn't go all alone in 143 of :re the situation may have played out differently in contrast to how Furuta exposed him?

The answer is yes, no, maybe, maybe not. No one knows, and it's easy to continuously contemplate every single possibility and theoretical outcome. All that matters is how they have to make those tough choices and live with them, no matter the cost.

Also the fact that we only rarely see her true vulnerable, insecure and visible emotions other then when she's like... angry or something is another trait I find very interesting. Because when we do, it’s impactful and hits home just how much she tends to internalize within herself. In other words, the front she puts on. Her always suppressing her emotions with that strong mental fortitude speaks volumes of the struggles she continuously undergoes internally and externally. 

That emotional breakdown was just building bruh.

The fact that we don’t have to be told exactly what she’s thinking or how she’s feeling, but are rather shown how she’s trying to hold herself together even with her face either turned away from the reader or her turning her back in several panel illustrations denotes so many melancholic elements to be interpreted within the story.

Another side note- some are actually quite funny and aesthetically appealing to me. She just looks so tired/bored and like... done with everything with those half lidded eyes that convey so much (Idk I just relate heavy AF with that😂) 

Hence always looking for those subtle details in her character that add so many layers. Ooo also the times when we get to see both her eyes (true feelings), that's super cool.

Relying on the strength of others is not weak in wanting to help protect them. I mean nothing is wrong at all in wanting to become stronger by yourself for the sake of others, but going completely solo and shouldering all those burdens with just one's own strength is completely detrimental to the highest degree.

In fact her fighting with that pregnant condition when she shouldn’t have and being able to fend for herself before said condition along with her Ukaku stamina issues, stress, lack of sleep and starving inevitably prohibited her full potential is in itself also inspiring. Like dude wtf she's out here fighting with all those disadvantaged restrictions that endanger her? That's badass. Being faced with the predicament of WHAT TO DO versus WHAT ONE CAN DO with limited means. And yet with all that, she still dug Kaneki from dragon by herself after fending off Mutsuki 

 and the dragon clones 

with the timely aid of Urie, Saiko. Even Mutsuki, the one she fought prior and tried to reach out to peacefully given the dire situation and not their own personal differences.

Symbolically the wife of Kaneki, and children of Haise Sasaki came together to save him in that instance with the foreshadowing of the Qs and dragon.

Touka was key to the dragon arc in general. That was the point of the whole arc, further showing the fruits of her development as well, combining strength with others, both humans and ghouls. All elements needed each other to succeed. There’s a reason Hide went out to look for Touka in the ghoul camp. 

Not to mention how crucially important these two are throughout the narrative in reference to the fool's journey namely the Magician (Hide) and the High Priestess (Touka) to the fool (Kaneki)

“The Magician and High Priestess are absolutely equal in importance and value. Each is necessary for balance” [x]

He himself was extremely vital in gathering all the different sides and information for the pieces to be in place such as Marude, Urie, Kimi with the CCG, recruiting Amon and Akira, and of course Touka with the ghouls. 

Touka leading the ghouls there after being ignited by Shuus emotional fire speech

and all the assurance to combine their strength and efforts with the CCG was a true indication of that. Great stuff by all 3 Aces (Touka, Hide, Shuu) right there. [nice catch! @kanekikenunot]

Touka coming up with the ring idea was of extreme importance, in fact it was the very idea that kick started the whole operation in the first place!

Beforehand was her translating the underground ghoul dialect thanks to Ayatos adventure underground 

in order to form the pieces necessary to ignite the operation by condensing the seemingly impossible search for Kaneki to being more focused and fortified to the point that they could track him down with Shuu and Mirimos influence with the metal detectors.

Worthy note is the perception she emits to Hide in always not being able to save Kaneki and him always saving her. We know she has saved him numerous times physically, emotionally, and mentally and the same with Kaneki to her, but it's important to note how she mentions “this time”. 

It's like despite all the times they've saved each other with all those different aspects, something always caused them to get separated or to face more and more suffering painting all the times as somewhat futile. And this time, given the monster he's become, she means to truly save him at all costs no matter what.

And my god, chapter 160 is one of my favorites due to the parallel with 145 where Kaneki lost control becoming dragon with it having no dialogue whatsoever in favor of pure visual storytelling.

You could just feel the sheer immense strain, pressure, rampant despair and pain of Touka desperately trying to save her husband.

A Silent Scream is what I call these two chapters that I talked about before, wherein the omission of words paints the whole “a picture is worth a thousand words”. 

Her breakdown was so emotionally resonate with how we hardly see her like that. Referencing back to the visuals without having to be shown lines of text or dialogue. Something as simple as her finding Kanekis hand grasping her parents ring (the bond that ties their own marriage together) in pressing forward like a centipede with Touka as his sole motivation and strength, is definitely something that destroys her in which you can just hear the horrifying scream she emits.

Because she's not just reminded of her impending failure with the current situation, but also the tragedy that befell her own parents, and the cycle of revenge she was a part of with Mado  that aided in her ability to empathize with Akira and Amon.  [good eye! @dreamofcentipedes]

It's these little tiny details that are always there, and while sure some may be a stretch in providing more depth/ over reaching, they remain considerations that add so much. For a moment she ponders if the tragic cycle is something they'll never be able to break free from, whether it's something that will always keep them trapped in the birdcage, unable to fly towards a clear blue sky, something she always looks towards in many panel illustrations. [x]

And yet despite it all she never gave up, her faith kept pushing her forwards to continue the mission. And she was able to succeed. Her efforts and choices were not in vain.

Yo... scope this little line here.. “Don't push yourself ok”

Touka… Dude… We don't deserve you honestly. Finna say that after all the fuckery you just went through in pushing yourself... smh

Still out here not resting waiting for your man's to wake up and be ok. 

Top tier I swear...(PLS GET SOME SLEEP) 

Which then shows another instance of that non verbal communication during her embrace with Kaneki. Within that one swift motion and the “thump” sound effect presumably of their hearts beating, she conveyed all she needed to without having to say anything.

Thank goodness she was finally able to rest by the end and chill with Saiko is best Saiko, because honestly… She needed that. 

And although she had to continue waiting (god how long has she had to that ?) for her loved ones to return, 

that fierce faith was fortunately rewarded with Ayato and Kaneki returning in the end.

Like I said, one of the many reasons I admire Toukas strength so much is that it strays away from the typical norm that would usually warrant a narrative tool in making one “weaker” via the ghoul-human journey just for the sake of it or for her to be “helpless”.

“Go, you are not just some onlooker, nor are you powerless. You just have other things to protect right?”-Yomo

And I just… really want to root for her to overcome all the odds that are placed in her and everyone else's paths in whatever way they can. “Strength in weakness, weakness in strength”

It’s not exactly an underdog story classification, but instead to me points out an interesting conflict between ones seemingly futile (at the time given the high failure rate) yet deepest desires/ wishes for some semblance of hopeful happiness in the world.  And ones need to survive by any limited means often being forced to make hard to impossible choices accordingly so to protect and live with the few means available to them that they can achieve by themselves alone, and or with that of others.

Bruh… I could go on rambling forever and I'd still be missing several points😓 that many others have mentioned too. But essentially her undying love, selflessness, compassion, faith, and strength are qualities that have always stood out to me in their own right since the beginning until the very end. And in general it’s just truly satisfying that by the end all her suffering, waiting and perseverance paid off.  Although it was never explicitly stated, many (including myself) speculate that she did open up another coffee shop by the end, which would be a really nice ribbon bow touch to that as well. 3rd times the charm?

She was finally to gain the normal life that she never thought possible with the combined efforts of both sides, the worlds that Kaneki found a place in. Being able to peacefully live with her family, husband, baby girl Ichika (with another boyo on the way) and loved ones.

Her wish for happiness was granted. 

Personally Toukas character journey has truly been a pleasure to witness over over the course of the series, and it’s one that has forever put her in such a special place in my heart, compelling flaws and all😄