#and now its everybody's problem

[angrythingstarlight]

I never had the chance to experience the OG tower fics in its prime. So I will be participating in the Thunderbolts* tower fics and will start writing for them asap. I already have ideas and thoughts and prompts. (Sorry one kinda derailed my plans for today but I'll get back on track for those as well).

[talesfromthecrypts]

*Trump voter voice* they want to get rid of OSHA? But why that's helpful

EVERYTHING THEY ARE GETTING RID OF IS HELPFUL YOU DINGUSES

[igotthebees]

The five scariest words I could say according to my peers: "I'm going off my antipsychotics" aka a Disability Pride Rant about conditional autonomy

It's disability pride month and so I want to take some time to talk about concepts that I see rampant in both abled/neurotypical/whatever you want to call it spaces and in disability spaces as well, which I have jokingly summarized before as "Good Mentally ill/Disabled People Can Have Autonomy, and the Bad Ones Cannot".

More (a lot more) under the cut

I can guess what you're thinking by now. "There are no bad disabled people Nix!!!" I entirely agree. But in mental health and neurodivergent spaces especially I find that there is a lot of internalized and externalized hatred towards people with stereotypically "severe" symptoms, and in so many cases I've found myself caught in a West Side Story-esque battle between the Depressed and Anxious vs the Manic and Psychotic (which is frustrating because we should be friends or lovers! why is my PTSD and trauma history dismissed when I admit that it causes psychosis as well, why are my friends treated better as a whole when they go in for help for depressive episodes than for manic episodes?)

Sidebar, someone is inevitably going to stop reading at this point and scream at me how they've been treated horribly for their very severe depression and I am not only discounting their experience, I am making up an oppression scale, or using stereotypes, or even fabricating that because I am psychotic and dissociative I am better than them or have suffered more. That's really not the intention? I am simply looking at things from the perspective of my own extensive psychiatric hospitalization history, and from perspectives friends have told me. You can absolutely have depression and/or anxiety and suffer more severely than someone with psychosis - but the way the system treats the two of you is going to be severely different. No one escapes the psychiatric system unscathed, but I've been hospitalized three times, one time labeled as traumatized and depressive, another as having BPD, and yet another as an official schizophrenic and they were three very different forms of hell despite minimal symptom changes.

As one girl in a partial hospitalization program said to my face without a hint of understanding of how fucked up it was: "There are two kinds of psych hospitals. There's the ones for us who just want to get better - and there's the place they put the schizophrenics".

Where does autonomy come into this essay that is getting very long very quickly? I've been experiencing episodes of psychosis since I was 17 years old, diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 21, and finally undiagnosed with schizophrenia and rediagnosed with autism and severe PTSD with episodes of psychosis at the age of 24. I have been on 8 different types of antipsychotics in 3 years. Three days ago I stopped taking my antipsychotics entirely after nearly 6 months of slowly tapering off them and under heavy observation.

And it's scaring the shit out of people.

I am not a walking time bomb, compared to what people think. The last time I had any sort of delusion or hallucination was nearly a year and a half ago, (and it was while still on heavy-duty sedatives! Medicine isn't always a magic fix, even when it does make things better). But even if I was actively hallucinating this very second, shouldn't what medicine I take be my own choice, especially since I have been cleared multiple times as not a danger to myself or others and am being closely medically followed in case that changes? (not that I personally believe that drugging someone is appropriate even when they are reactive but let's start with mad liberation 101) How come it was so easy to talk to my doctors about going off some of my anxiety medication and lowering my antidepressants but the minute I said I didn't want to be on antipsychotics the word "insight" was thrown out?

Just a warning: the concept of "insight" sucks. Yeah, okay, a large portion of people treated in hospitals for delusions or mania aren't aware of how severe or disruptive their own symptoms are. I've even experienced that before during an episode - I was having pretty significant speech symptoms and didn't realize until someone sat me down that I was acting any different than typical. (someone's going to inevitably bring up double-bookkeeping and my response is that's genuinely a real thing and helpful to talk about but it's not everyone's experience and I really wish that in normalizing it the experiences of people with severe reality distortion weren't erased or said to be an exaggeration).

Anyways - insight as a concept has been abused to hell and back to take away people's autonomy and further situations of severe abuse. When I came forward about my childhood abuse I was gaslit and coerced into telling a doctor that my previous accounts were a delusion and false memories (which aren't even an evidence-backed phenomenon but I digress) and was promptly diagnosed with the aforementioned schizophrenia.

Even other people diagnosed with psychosis have come to me and expressed horror that I am getting off my medication. I can't have a single bad or frantic day without having to do a checklist of if I'm returning to an episode, either because another person suggests it or because it's been engrained so heavily in my head that I'm a ticking time bomb and I know I will lose all my rights again in an instant if I exhibit certain symptoms publically.

Where is this going? Who knows lol, I guess my point is that this July think about how you treat autonomy even in the "crazy of the crazy" or the "ugly disabilities". Think about what you would fight and scream and cry about if it ever happened to you or your friends due to a diagnosis, and then ask yourself if you're just as mad when it happens to the psychotic and schizospec and bipolar communities; when it happens to people with intellectual disability or cognitive disability; people with complex diagnoses and physical disability too; the visibly disabled and facial difference/limb difference community; people with sensory disabilities - even people with your same disorder but higher support needs. Let's not pit ourselves against each other - I'm not magically a better or more deserving person for being crazy and medically complicated, sure, yeah, got it... but I'm also definitely not less deserving of respect because I've got diagnoses that make a lot of people (including other marginalized people) uncomfortable.

And I have to, of course, discuss for a second before I finally shut up and stare at a wall how every single thing I said is colored by my experience as a white psychotic and that being a person of color (particularly black) makes the things I've talked about significantly worse - schizophrenia actually is treated the way it is in society because it was used as a diagnosis in the 1960s in America to call leaders of the Civil Rights movement delusional and dangerous (in the 1920s and 30s when it was really popularized as its own disorder outside of the schizophrenia and/or autism diagnosis of dementia praecox, schizophrenia evolved into a disorder given to white women who said inappropriate things or couldn't take care of the house correctly or wouldn't marry, thought of as silly and delusional but harmless and needing help... which is also fucked up and politically motivated and fuck that, but the disorder was actually changed significantly when it was primarily used to target black men to include sections about violence and dangerousness that weren't included when it targeted white women. The cultural view of schizophrenia as a violent disorder that persists even today is due to racism).

(Required reading for every single person alive who can handle psychological and or/racial theory but especially those going into the medical field is "The Protest Psychosis: How Schizophrenia Became a Black Disorder" by Jonathan Metzel, probably the greatest and most eye-opening book I have ever read, ironically enough I don't have it anymore because I gave it to another person to read in residential and he then stole it and got kicked out of the program)

[knightelf]

got so tired i finally thought i was paasing out but no i literally dont know how else to chill tf out this is schtewpid

[studioeisa]

Once again, Im on the verge of sleep sending you an ask. Its the 8star anon and I would just like to say your recent Minghao drabble was amazing (how did you perfectly cater to me as an 8star and an F1 fan. i hope your excited for the interesting season)

Now im in the mood to headcannon each of the members in an f1 team…

ps: my first live race was the 2024 Monaco GP… It was a race I’ll never forget

8STAR ANONNN!! ⭐ oh, man, i consider my friend tara a real pioneer of anything & everything svt x f1. monaco 2024 is a GORGEOUSSS first race, i can't imagine the hype (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ this upcoming 2025 will be my first full season and i'm also v v v excited!! as for the members being in f1 teams... have i got some personal alignments for you 🏁 i'd love to know your headcanons too <3

ferrari: jihoon, mingyu

red bull: seungcheol¹, minghao²

mclaren: soonyoung, wonwoo³

mercedes: joshua, jeonghan⁴

williams: vernon, junhui

haas: seungkwan, chan

kick sauber: seokmin

[drag-on-dragoon]

playing ai limit this game is Fine

[hakases-bones]

FUN FACT:

everytime you fight Ghirahim, he gets more

...

Naked!!

[yellowocaballero]

kinda obsessed with yuri and claude in rosetta headstone,,, like theyre just the stupidest smart people, and only now are they finally communicating with each other. like the way khalid has grown up throughout the fic, and yuris complicated issues with trust and intimacy. idk, don't mind me, im just gonna go sit in a corner while rotating them and this whole story in my brain.

Thank you!!! I'm love them also. Honestly, Yuri was the only character who I put in real effort to try and keep in-character. Which was tough as hell - I feel like I only actually landed on his character a few stories after I wrote this one.

Yuri is so good. Your early interactions with him are nothing but him repeatedly trying to convince you how terrible he is. He's a lot of bluster and obfuscation and kinda tsundere but he can be painfully sincere too. Yuri grows close to Khalid because he's one of the few people he does trust - because Yuri and Khalid are the same guy and Yuri will always trust a self-centered asshole, aka Yuri trusts what he understands. But then Khalid grows too close, and Khalid's growth as a person means that he turns into somebody Yuri doesn't understand anymore, and Yuri realizes way too late that he's let Khalid into his heart, and then he panics and starts pushing him away. I think Yuri would have just propositioned him like five months ago and tried to win his affections that way if Byleth (Dimitri vibed out Khalid's aceness for her) hadn't mildly suggested that Yuri try the long way and actually getting closer emotionally with him. ("Try flowers." "How did I know you'd say that.").

I think main characters have to change throughout a story, even if it's just in self-acceptance or a change of understanding. I think a story where the most important person is a teacher should involve a drastic change in their students, and everybody should take away a different lesson. Byleth's influence on Yuri was through allowing him to be a student too: Yuri, like Khalid, understands the world through a give-and-take framework, and he struggles repeatedly to accept Byleth's generosity and care given with nothing expected in return. Yuri's growth as a character comes to a point where he expresses what he wants honestly with Khalid, allows himself to be a young person, and accepts the care that Khalid has learned to supply. Khalid believes that all people are selfish and self-centered, so he has no obligation to try and be a good person. Byleth shows him that we have a responsibility to ourselves and to others, that there are good people in the world who care about him very much, and that the least we can do is return that care.

I've said like ten times that the story is about communication, and despite how Yuri and Khalid are literally the same guy (or because of it), it takes the entire story to get to a confession scene. Yuri pulls the most teen boy bullshit and teases him and flirts with him in a way that he KNOWS Khalid isn't going to really understand, and as a result the Khalid who actually does really like him just assumes that it's not reciprocated, so he doesn't say anything. So juvenile.

In the end, you have to trust someone enough to let them turn you down. You have to trust yourself enough to say what you feel. It's not so bad to be young and do stupid young person things. If you need something said, ask somebody to say it. I should finish that follow-up story with them but it was literally going nowhere jaksldf thanks for the ask!

[ploverbear]

Theres been developments that make me think that I might not be able to keep Rascal after all but I'm going to keep trying with him.

[abidethetempest]

me when im just trying to write fanfiction and the 3 Am Hopelessness (tm) descends upon me

[dirt-str1der]

Theres no season 4 because theyre too scared to animate the canon gay couple. They know its going to change the dr stone mrm ecosystem forever

[arthyritis]

You know what. The welcome home website really beings back my jse theorist side that no one's seen in a long time lmao

[my-strange-attraction]

Ok, so does anyone want to give me advice on how to come out to everyone I know as “not ace anymore but some nebulous form of queer” in a way in which nobody will ask me annoying follow up questions or perceive me and will just accept it and immediately stop thinking of me as ace? Or is that too much to ask.

[variantoutcast]

Guys I have the plague (pretty sure it's the norovirus) and I've never had stomach cramps this intense in my life. I'll spare you guys all other details but I'm pounding back Zofran like my life depends on it

[writerghost]

being sick blows, get your flu shot

[apocalypsegay]

this has to be the most insane misunderstanding of catharsis and tragedy that ive ever seen

i think it’s funny when people are like “dark fiction or tragic fiction is ok if it’s about overcoming trauma or showing the outcome of a mistake” bc like that feels weirdly christian (though not saying only christianity promotes that) like it must always have a “moral” or whatever and meanwhile aristotle’s idea of catharsis is like “hey sometimes people just feel better and have their negative emotions purged when they see fucked up shit happening to an innocent fictional character that did no wrong in the story because as a fictional story literally no one is getting hurt”