#and ofc i will continue to write and add to the queue but i probably will continue to be very… radio silence.

[multiheadcanons]

AS OF WRITING THIS POST; I’M GOING ON HOLIDAY!! THE MERCS GOING ON A ROAD TRIP IN ONE COMPANY BUS

scout: driver number one. responsible, gets them out of the tiny towns with the overly aggressive cops quickly. everyone takes turns on the aux. he does like to munch on something come hour four, but he tries not to go through drive thrus, and only stops for bathroom breaks if a majority of the team needs a break from the road. likes to get small trinkets on his travels. takes heavy’s seat when it’s his turn to drive, then takes sniper’s seat when heavy returns for his spot. thanks for keeping his seat warm, scout.

soldier: he’s the human energy drink that forcibly keeps everyone awake on the bus until he himself falls asleep. this isn’t until 9PM, generally. everyone has had to learn to bring something to drown him out. one time they tried to duct tape his mouth shut and he ate the tape. so they just let him yap until he’s satisfied. he also found that if he can shut the fuck up for like ten minutes, the drive will put him to sleep. needs semi-frequent breaks to stretch his legs or he starts popping like bubble wrap. likes to go through drive thrus. sits directly behind the driver.

pyro: permanently asleep unless the bus stops. the second the bus stops they are up and asking what’s going on, stretching their legs, shaking out what jitters they have from being cooped up in their seat for so long. they like to pull over and look at the sights sometimes, but they’re never the one driving to get to make that choice, but if they happen to be awake and speak up in time, the drivers will normally oblige for them. trinket and gift shop knick knack hoarder. situates themselves in one of the back rows, but not the very back.

demo: generally by the emergency window. if he prods soldier enough, he can get the man to sit next to him and he puts himself on the soldier distraction squad. he is more than happy to not be a designated driver, because now he just brings a flask, and as long as they don’t get pulled over he is not worried at all about whether they’re getting ticketed for that. immensely humorous, and equally loud as the american, he likes to play a lot of road games to keep his mind busy. falls asleep about halfway through the trip, but is awake for the final stretch.

heavy: driver number two, and inclement weather driver. heavy is seated in the very back, and is reading until he falls asleep along the back row. he is not to be bothered until it is his turn to drive, or if a random severe storm just blew in and it’s time for him to take the helm and get them out of there unscathed. very quiet the entire time, unless asking for directions or answering questions. most likely to stop through a drive through, and in general a very courteous driver as long as you ask nicely. the most time is added to the trip when heavy is the driver.

engineer: usually located behind demo to sneak sips off whatever demo brought. engineer is designated emergency driver. engie only touches the wheel if scout, heavy, or sniper died under sudden and mysterious circumstances. this has never happened, and by god it fuckin’ better not. he is also the only merc who is awake the entire trip. he doesn’t sleep well on any mode of transportation. it gives him weird and disturbing dreams. so he’s just up the whole time.

medic: seated across from demo unless heavy is driving. then he gets to partake in his ultimate privilege of being the Designated Passenger Princess. that is his favorite part. he moves to the very front, and gives heavy directions and slowly manipulates him into adding an entire two hours to the drive from the sheer amount of stops. he doesn’t even want anything, he’s just wanting to add more time to the clock. though, when he’s not being a vehicular and navigational menace, he’s just reading a book he brought with him, annotating shakily with a pencil. he also doesn’t sleep, but he will never be allowed to drive unless everyone else is dead.

sniper: driver number three, and night driver, normally. snipes sleeps until about halfway through heavy’s shift at the wheel. he just stands on the bus and stretches and walks back and forth in the aisle. nobody really cares, and this has only backfired on him once. and him busting his ass after heavy came to a hard brake wasn’t enough for him to think twice about doing that in the future. because he’s taking the night shift on the wheel, most of the team is asleep, and he is speeding like a bat out of hell to get them back on time. but his handling is so smooth nobody actually realizes what’s happening.

spy: emergency driver for when they commit a crime. if the bus gets pulled over, spy takes the driver’s seat and gets them the fuck out of dodge. spy has what can only be called a supernatural ability to outrun the police. you could drop him in a location completely unknown to him and tell him “the police are ten meters away from your location and rapidly approaching” and he’s immediately found the airport and booked his ticket. it is insane how quickly this man can avoid the steel grip of the law. otherwise, he is also reading a book, annotating, and occasionally dozing off in his seat. located near the back, across from pyro if the seat is available.