#and probably will get in trouble because I had other stuff to do oops

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Gorgeous

kai parker x reader (both 18+!) (shy!virgin!kai)

summary: troubled by his own body, kai's afraid to go all the way with you. that is, until you confess you love him regardless of the way he looks, giving him just the confidence he's needed all along.

tags: friends to lovers, kissing, minor fingering, shy!kai, mentions of child abuse / physical abuse [I can't just write a normal fic, can I?], implied s3lf h4rm, emotional hurt / comfort, confessions, making out, blow jobs, virgin!kai, top / bottom switching, reader is a little freaky, nipple sucking, pet names, aftercare, cuddling

word count: 5.5k

a/n: sooooo... this has been sitting in my wips for over a year. for some reason, i just never posted it. but unfortunately, i have work tomorrow, so i'll be dead as a doornail that evening, and the work i wanted to post isn't done yet, so i'll post this in the meantime. that being said, i think i'm finally starting to get back in the swing of things. i'm still working on requests as well as other stuff, but i'm coming back slowly!

also, if this idea is totally unusual, that's probably why it sat in my drafts for a year. it's a year old fluffy smut with a strange premise. bare with me. 😅

The minute you get back from work, you collapse onto the nearest chair and groan.

“You okay there?”

Looking up, you see Jo and her boyfriend on the couch watching a movie. Oops.

“Sorry. Yeah. Long day. Where is everyone?”

“Our dads went to the flooding company people to try and get that situation covered, and our moms took the kids to the park.”

“My brother too?”

“Your brother, but not mine.”

“Cool,” you give the girl a thumbs up. “Hey Cody.”

Jo’s boyfriend looks over at you, “hey, Y/N.”

“Alright, I’m gonna go shower.”

“Okay!”

You make your way up the stairs slowly, wondering where Kai is. Poking your head in his room, you see he’s not in there, but you don’t hear him anywhere else. Oh well. You’ll find him after your shower, because you really, really need that shower. 

In your room - also the Parker’s guest room - you grab a new set of clothes and your hairbrush, before going into the guest bathroom in the hallway. See, you and the Parkers are neighbors and have become close family friends. Though one night after a really bad storm, your basement flooded, as did several other houses nearby. This is a problem Mr. Parker could easily fix with magic, but considering the electric and flooding companies know your house was one of the ones affected, he can’t do anything without revealing his coven. Instead, your family temporarily moved in with his until the county could fix the issue.

It’s been two weeks, no progress. But you’re not complaining; you get to spend more time with Kai - your best friend who you’ve recently started dating in secret. 

As you’re busy undressing and getting the water ready, you don’t hear Kai come in from outside. The boy stands in the kitchen, staring at nothing in particular.

“Is everyone still out?” He hesitantly asks Jo.

“Yeah. But Y/N came home.”

“Oh. Where is she?”

“Mhm, went upstairs.” Then she snaps her fingers, “oh wait! She said she’s taking a shower. So don’t bother her. Just go to your room and wait for her to come out. Don’t be weird.”

Kai scrunches his nose. As if he’d ever make you uncomfortable on purpose. “Okay, thanks.”

Quietly, he makes his way upstairs. When he hears the water running, he bites his lip. Don’t be weird, Jo had just said. But she doesn’t know how close you two actually are. Swallowing hard, he slowly turns the knob to the bathroom door, trying not to alert Jo to which door he’s opening. Inside, the hot water steams up the mirrors, making it hard to see, but he can vaguely point out your figure through the glass. 

“Y/N?”

You hear him and pop your head out of the door, “Kai! Hi. Come in,” you gesture for him to enter all the way.

He does, then shuts the door just as quietly. “I don’t mean to bug you, I just wanted to make sure you were here. Jo said you were, but…” he shrugs.

“You’re not bugging. Come on, join me.”

“What?”

“In here.”

“But… I’m wearing jeans.”

“Well then take them off, you goof.”

“I-I… um.”

Deciding to give him privacy, you stick your head back in the shower and rinse out the shampoo. The whole time you’re finishing your shower routine, you assume Kai’s going to join you at any time. You haven’t gone that far in your relationship yet, but he is a teenage boy, and he does love kissing you every chance he gets.

You two have done more than kissing, of course, but just haven’t gone all the way. And there’s plenty of reasons for that: too many people in this damn house, someone might walk in, someone might overhear, etc. etc. etc. But aside from the obvious reasons, you can’t help but feel like there’s also reasons that Kai isn’t sharing. 

He likes to spend a lot of your time together practically worshipping your body. His lips and fingers have touched nearly every part of you, but he isn’t too keen on letting you do the same. 

Kai holds you in place with a hand on your neck. His lips are attached right below, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. His other hand’s busy farther down - two fingers pumping in and out of you quickly. You bite your lip hard to not moan as you cum on his hands. He continues to finger fuck you through your orgasm, not letting up until your body stills. Then, he tastes one finger before putting the second in your mouth. You suck on it, eyes trained on him the whole time. 

“My turn. Let me make you feel good, Kai.”

“You are. I like watching you like this.”

“No, I know. But I want to taste you, too. Let me blow you.”

Kai bites his lip as if he’s having an internal debate. “Isn’t this so much better, though?” Before you can say anything else, he kisses you, feeling his hands up and down the sides of your body as he does. “Now let me cuddle you, m’kay? Let me take care of you.”

You’re too overwhelmed in pleasure to fight, and succumb to his open arms. Minutes later, you’re both asleep. 

You don’t pry if he tells you ‘no’ the first time, but of course, you can’t help but wonder why he’s never let you even see his body. 

“Take your shirt off, why am I the only one exposed?” You joke, pulling at the hem.

“Hmph, no, baby, I’m too focused on you,” he says. 

Every time. He won’t even take his bracelets off, let alone any of his clothes. Again, you don’t push him - he’ll take that step when he’s ready - but you really want to pleasure him the same way he does you. And besides, he just has to be hot under there; his face is insanely attractive, arms are strong, and figure is lean. You’re dying to know. 

“Y/N?” His voice snaps you from your thoughts.

“Mhm?”

“I, um, actually nevermind.”

“You okay, angel?”

“Yeah, just…”

Done with your shower, you turn off the water and grab your towel. You would just go out nude despite him there, but you know the air will be cold, so you wrap the blue cloth around your body. “Well now I’m done.” Carefully, you open the door and step off the slippery floor.

In front of you, Kai is standing awkwardly. His jeans are still on, but his shirt is off and folded neatly on the bathroom counter. You gulp the minute you see his body for the first time. As you expected, he’s lean and rather well-toned for someone not allowed out of his house much. His arms have some muscle to them, and you can see several prominent veins close to the surface of his skin. What catches your eye most, however, is the sharp v-line shaping his hips, leading to somewhere still hidden from your sight. “Fuck,” you mutter under your breath.

Kai swallows hard. His eyes are red. You don’t notice the signs of discomfort, though, until a small sigh escapes his lips. 

You narrow your eyes when you hear him. “What's wrong, pumpkin?” Hurrying towards him, you cup the sides of his face. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I hate it.”

“Hate what?”

“Hate my body.”

“What do you mean? You’re gorgeous, Kai.”

“All the ew, all the stupid… everything.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t see anything ‘ew’.”

“Look closer.”

“Are you sure? If you’re uncomfortable, I won’t.”

“Just do it.”

Nervous, you step back to look at him closer. “Oh,” you mutter, suddenly saddened. Discolored skin in shades of green, yellow, and purple. Bruises, new and old. Handprints, whip marks, slaps from an open palm, all fading from red. Then there are the cuts, up and down his arms, some on his stomach, some on his shoulders. Clearly self-inflicted, though the bruises were all clearly marks of abuse. 

“Now you see how ugly I really am.”

“No, no, Kai…” Gently, you run a finger across a row of evidential abuse. He flinches a little and you can’t help the tear that falls from your eyes. “You’re still gorgeous, baby.”

“Hm,” he mutters, shaking his head ‘no’.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay. I promise. You are still beautiful to me. And I still want you, I still want every inch of your body. You don’t have to hide from me. Hey, I have some, too.”

You peel the towel away a bit to expose several cuts along your upper arm. 

He sniffs, “those weren’t there the other day.”

“I know, baby. But yesterday was really hard with my dad, and this was the only way I could think of to cope.”

Kai remembers yesterday. Your dad had forced you to go out with him to visit different universities in the area. By the time you both got back, he was fuming and you were holding back tears. 

“He got pissed at me when I said I didn’t want to go to college. He asked me why I was the family failure, and why I couldn’t be more like him.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay, now that I’m back beside you.”

“He’s a dick. Your brother’s a dick.”

“My point is, Kai, that we have a lot of the same scars. You don’t think I’m any less beautiful because of them, so why should you think that about yourself?”

“Because I also have bruises from my fucking dad.”

“That’s not your fault, baby. Your dad is an even bigger dick than mine. And just because you have wounds on your body from his hand doesn’t mean I don’t love you or your body any less.”

Kai freezes, “you love me?”

You then freeze, too. “I, um…” Then you realize that that confession may be exactly what he needs to hear. “Yes. I do love you, Kai.”

Tears that were welling in his eyes are now falling, “why?”

“Why? Why not? Because on top of being absolutely gorgeous, you’re an amazing friend and boyfriend. You’re sweet and gentle and trying your best despite the awful circumstances you’ve been given. You’re always there through the good and bad, and I could never get tired of being with you.”

“Can I admit that I love you, too?”

You smile and nod happily before leaning in quickly to kiss him. Amidst your excitement, your towel falls from your body, and your breasts rub up against his bare chest. Kai lets out a moan at the contact, but then separates from the kiss to cover his mouth with his hand. You just raise your eyebrows at him. 

“Feel good?”

Instead of answering, his hands find your breasts and feel them. His eyes roll back in his head. “So soft,” he mutters.

“Kai?”

“Hm?”

“Does this mean I can see you now?”

“Um, I, n- uh-” he stutters over every word. 

“You know what? It’s okay. Later?”

“Okay.”

“Sounds good. And I hate to say it, but we have to stop,” you pause to pull on your panties and jeans, “because Jo will start getting suspicious soon,” you have to ignore Kai’s pouting face as you put on your bra, “and she doesn’t need to see us like this, because she’ll tell your dad.” Your shirt is on next, “and then my dad. And then you’ll get hurt.” He watches you pull your hair out from under your shirt and flip it to curl around your face, “and you’re not getting hurt on my watch. Okay?”

Kai nods, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, pumpkin.” You two share another kiss before leaving the bathroom. Kai grabs his shirt on the way out, fumbling to put it on, along with his multiple bracelets. “Downstairs? I need some water.”

“Sure.”

The minute you reach the last step, Jo calls out to you, “did Kai find you?”

“Yeah, he’s here.”

“Okay. He came in a little bit after you went up. I told him you were in the shower, but not to bother you. He listened to me, right?”

“He didn’t bother me at all. Was very gentlemanly and waited in his room for me to come out.” You wink at Kai as you lie straight to Jo’s turned face. Luckily, she’s fixated on the movie. 

“Okay, good.”

“I’m just going to get a drink and then we’ll be out of your hair shortly.”

◇◇◇◇

“Y/N, are you sure you don’t want to come with us? It’s a huge festival, it’s a lot of fun,” Mr. Parker asks one more time as he’s halfway out the door. 

You take another glance at the amount of people crowding the doorway: your brother and parents, plus Kai’s parents and all his siblings. Minus him, of course. “I’m sure. I’m not too big on crowds, and I’m kinda tired. Might just see if Kai wants to watch a movie.”

“Okay, but be careful.” Then, Mr. Parker leans closer to whisper in your ear. The gray hairs of his beard lightly touch your skin, making you shiver in fear. “And don’t get too close to him.”

“Noted.”

“We should be back around three-ish, more or less,” your Dad adds. 

“Okay.”

“Don’t leave the house, and certainly don’t let him sneak out,” Mr. Parker piggy-backs off your dad’s comment. Jeez, it’s like they’re long-lost irritating brothers.

“I won’t. He’ll stay here with me.”

“But not too close, becau-”

“I heard it the first time, Dad. I trust Kai enough that we’ll be fine for a couple of hours. Go have fun, okay?” You had to downplay your friendship to make them think you only trusted him a little. If they knew the truth - that you’d trust him with your life - they’d definitely stage an intervention and never let you see each other again. 

“Okay, just making sure. See you later, Y/N.”

“Bye.”

Finally, they leave. It takes ten minutes for nine kids to assemble between two cars, between the Parkers’ van and your parents’ SUV, but they eventually make it work. You can literally hear two kids crying over “having to sit in the back again”, but then you hear your Dad’s voice, “ride with me, if it’s okay with your Dad.” The crying ceases at last, and the cars pull out of the gate. 

“Are they gone yet?” Kai comes downstairs about a minute after they left.

“Just pulled out. What were you doing?”

He swallows, “um.” While struggling to answer, you give him a look. “I’m used to hiding during the van-packing process.”

“Okay,” you answer, not entirely convinced. 

He bites his lip, “okay, that part is true. I do hide when they do that because sometimes someone storms back in to grab something to appease the ones stuck in the back, like a snack or whatever. But, um, what I was actually doing was… trying to,” he pauses, and you let him find the words, “build up the courage to, um… can I just kiss you?”

You’re confused, but you’ll never deny him a kiss. Smile forming on your lips, you close the three foot gap between you two, hands tracing his jawline, capturing his face, while kissing him softly. His hands find your waist, gripping your hips. There’s something different about this kiss than your usual ones. Something more hungry… willing, maybe. Whatever it is, you let him take charge. 

As soon as the shift in control changes, he spins the both of you around so that you’re pressed into the counter, rather than himself, while he kisses you deeper. His lips leave your mouth to trail down your jaw, to your neck, but then he suddenly stops to look up at you. 

“Everything okay?”

“Can we go upstairs?”

“Of course.” You joke, “afraid someone’s gonna walk in?”

He misses your teasing tone and replies bluntly, “no, I wanna fuck you.”

You nearly trip up the first stair, causing you to grab a tight hold of his hand. “What’d you say?”

“Is that okay?”

“I-uh-um- yes, just caught me off guard. What brought it on?”

“You said you loved me. And that you liked my body even with all the scars. And that if I can love yours with scars, you can love mine.”

“I did say that. I meant every word.”

“And so now we’re here alone, and I’m going to act on something I’ve wanted to do a long time ago.” 

You reach the top of the stairs. He has an arm around your back to prevent you from falling, just in case, as he stares into your eyes for hesitancy. You give none. “Then do it.”

Instantly, your back collides with the hallway wall and he kisses you with the same tenacity he did downstairs. Out of habit, your hands find his hair; his, your waist, but he’s a lot more confident now. Slowly, he inches the both of you towards his door. His hand fumbles with the knob, making him frustrated.

“Wish I could just open the stupid thing with magic.”

“If I had magic, I’d let you take it whenever,” you answer, again, with no hesitancy. 

He stops to stare at you. “You would?”

“Mhm. I mean it, Kai, I love you.”

“But the siphoning hurts.”

You shrug, “can’t hurt that bad. I imagine it’d probably actually feel good. At least for me, maybe not other people. Send little tingles all the way down to my-”

He cuts you off with an open mouthed kiss. “Now I really wish you had magic.”

“-and then a part of me would kinda be in your blood, too, right?” You finish the second part of what you wanted to say. 

“Holy fuck, you’re turning me on.”

“Open the door, Kai,” you urge. 

He finally does, but in the second you take to catch a breath, he’s back on you. He takes advantage of your state and slips his tongue in your mouth, no regard for anything but his and your pleasures. You go weak in his arms and let him explore, enjoying the feeling much more than you probably should. Then, he taps on your hips signaling for you to jump. You do, wrapping your legs around his waist. He carries you to the bed, finally, and throws you down rather roughly.

Immediately, panic takes over his face. “Shit, that was way harder than I meant to! You okay?”

You, on the other hand, can’t get a word out because you’re giggling too hard. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” He tries again.

“You’re so hot when you’re all dominant. Well, you’re always hot, but-” and then you continue to giggle. 

Kai relaxes, realizing he didn’t hurt you. “Oh you little-” he climbs on top of you until he’s hovering over your face. Legs tangle together, bodies close but not close enough… You buck your hips. There, now they’re close enough. “You’ve been wanting this,” he observes, fighting back a moan at the contact. 

“Yes, but also, your comfort is my number one priority. It’s much better now, with you enjoying it too, than if we were to try when you weren’t ready.”

“Thank you, princess,” he kisses your nose sweetly. 

“Thank you for trusting me. One thing though.”

“Mhm?”

“Do you trust me right now?”

“Of course.”

“Good.” Without further warning, you grab his wrists and flip him over so that his back is pressed into the bed. It’s the first time you’ve ever been on top of him, and the power makes you giddy. 

“I thought you liked me being dominant?”

“Oh, I do. But I also want to see you writhe under me,” you wink at him. 

Kai gives you a look, and you know he’s going to start fighting any minute now. It’s in his eyes, and you can feel his muscles under you tensing to build up the strength. In the last second before you think he’s going to try and take charge, your hand goes down to the outline forming in his jeans. All fight is immediately gone as soon as you start to feel him. He can’t even fight the moan he’s been holding back since you started making out downstairs. The sound spurs you on and you rub him harder.

“More, princess. Please.”

You move your legs to straddle him, hands going to his belt. “This okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Words, please.”

“What am I, five?”

You cock your head at him. “Words, or no further touching.”

“Princess,” he tries to buck his hips like you did, but you’re holding him down.

“Come on, Malachai.”

“Don’t use that name.”

“Mala-”

“Fine! Yes, please. It’s okay. Please.” You smirk, not expecting the begging, but loving it. “You little sadist.”

That only makes you love it more. Not wasting another second, your hands are undoing his belt. As much as you want to take it slowly, you’re both too excited to drag it out any longer. Besides, just by looking at him, you can see how hard he is, and you know you’re almost soaking your panties with wetness. 

“Wait,” he pants. 

You stop immediately. “You okay?”

“I need… I need. C’mere,” he beckons you forward, and you listen. “Need this off,” he pulls off your shirt. “And this,” next is your bra. The minute it’s off, he loses control and grabs your tits like he did in the bathroom a couple days earlier. Before you know it, he’s fondling one while the other’s in his mouth. 

“If mine is, this is coming off, too.” You make a grab for his shirt. He pauses, tongue still around your nipple. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” he seems to decide in that instant. 

In order for you to pull the fabric over his head, he has to disconnect his mouth from your breast. But when it’s off, he swallows hard and doesn’t reach for them again.

“Kai… c’mon, pumpkin.” You take his hand to put it back on your body, trying to return that sense of comfort, but he doesn’t grasp your breast again. Sighing, you take it as a moment to get a closer look at his body. The bruises, the scars, everything. A tear escapes your eye, and you lean down to press a kiss to one of the purplish wounds. Then, you start to do that with all of them. From his neck to his hips, you kiss every mark made on his body, whether by his dad’s hand or his own. On the fresher ones, your lips are more gentle, barely there, not wanting to cause him more pain. But on the older ones, you leave multiple kisses, or even lick them with your tongue before kissing. “I meant it, Kai. You’re gorgeous. These marks don’t stop me from loving you.”

Slowly, he makes eye contact with you again. His hands reach out to your face, and when he gets a hold of you, he pulls you in for another deep kiss on his lips. “What did I do to deserve you?” He asks with a tear emerging.

“You don’t have to deserve love, baby.” You kiss his collarbone. 

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Your lips travel to his chest. Giving him a taste of his own medicine, you swirl your tongue around one of his nipples. He moans loudly, arching his back.

“Holy shit, I didn’t know that would feel that good.”

“Can I continue to make you feel things like that?”

“Yes, please. I need it, I need you. Wait, but let me-” he suddenly sticks two fingers into your wet heat, hovering over his own body, and pops them in his mouth. “You taste so good.”

“Are you gonna let me taste you now?”

“Sure. Yes. I meant yes.”

Your eyes warm and you continue to kiss him further down - this time, trailing his v-line. You had noticed the prominent indents the other day, but are now getting to see it up close. He moans again, enticing you more. 

“Princess.”

“I’m working on it.” Finally, you shrug his jeans down and off his body. You can tell he’s fighting the urge to hide his now-bare legs, but you opt to not pay attention to them anyway. Your gaze goes straight to the bulge in his boxers that looks even thicker without his jeans in the way. Mouth watering, you touch him first, enjoying the feeling. 

“Y/N, please. It’s uncomfortable. Too tight.”

Succumbing to his wishes, you tap his hips for him to lift them, then peel back the final confinement. His cock springs out, slapping his stomach in the process. You’re quick to lean forward and lick a stripe from the base to the tip. Kai sinks his head into the pillow, groaning huskily. After pulling his boxers all the way off, you refocus your attention back to the length in front of you. 

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” you mutter. The praise makes him twitch, and you immediately reach out to grasp him between two of your fingers. “Need to taste.” And then you finally do. You start at the tip, rolling your tongue over the slit counter clockwise, stimulating precum in the process. Some of it leaks into your mouth, straight down your throat, but most of it drips down the side of cock. It doesn’t get far, though, before you move your head to catch it, licking your way from the base to the tip, again. 

A shiver runs through his body. “Feels so good.” Barely audible, but you hear him. 

Positioning your head over him, you prepare to take him fully. To you, it’s a five second break of deep breaths, but to Kai, overwhelmed in pleasure, there’s almost no warning. As soon as you’re ready, you sink your mouth down on him until you get about halfway and your gag reflex kicks in. Cock hitting the back of your throat, you gag around him.

“Y/N, you okay?” He sits up on his elbows, worried he’d accidentally hurt you.

Slowly, you lift your head back up, “I’m good, baby. Just training my throat to take you.”

He swallows so hard that you see his Adam’s apple bob. “Oh, um…” He doesn’t lay back down, opting to watch you instead. 

You don’t mind as you go down for a second time, getting further now. You do it several times, taking more and more of him each time. Your tongue swirls around his length and traces his veins. In fact, there’s one vein in particular that especially makes Kai moan every time you hit it. It’s on the underside of his cock, and you start to pay special attention to it. The rest of his length sits against your face as you focus on it.

Kai doesn’t know if the sight or the feeling is affecting him more. Either way, he feels himself getting close to release. Your mouth is around him, head bobbing up and down rapidly, when he twitches. He whines, resisting the urge to hold your head where he wants. Suddenly, though, you stop and remove your mouth completely. 

“Fuck, wait, I’m about to…”

“I know, pumpkin. Can’t let you do that yet.”

He’s about to ask why, but then sees his answer. In one quick motion, you’re removing your own pants and lining your bodies together. “Ready?”

“Mhm. Yes.”

You smile, grab his cock to hold it upright, then sink your heat down onto him. Kai collapses, elbows no longer supporting him, as pleasure consumes him.

“You okay?”

“Yes, oh- oh god.”

“Can I move? I’ll start slow.”

“Please.”

As promised, you slowly begin to ride his length. Your hands rest on either side of his body and lips are pressed to his chest, leaving hot kisses all over his skin. 

“Let me know if you want to try and take over.”

“Okay.”

When Kai starts to relax, you pick up the pace. Not too fast, but little by little. Soon, his hands find your hips and he helps guide you. His fingers have a tight grip on you, but it only makes you wetter. 

“I think, I wanna… wanna try…”

“Want to be on top, angel?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. You can just flip us or I can move, what are you feeling?” But the hungry look in his eyes already gives you your answer.

As soon as you nod and grab onto his shoulders, he flips the both of you so that you’re now pressed into the bed. With his usual role re-established, so does his dominance. You open your legs wider to give him more access, and he immediately takes advantage of it. With a lick of his lips, he pushes his cock into you, not stopping until he’s run out of length. 

“Oh my god,” you mutter. 

“Is it too much?”

“No, you’re perfect. Move when you’re ready, mmkay?”

He nods, then copies the way you rode him when he begins to move: arms on your side, head ducked into your chest. His lips attach to your nipples, sucking, and pulling them between his teeth. When he gets a hold of his balance, you feel pressure on your clit, too. 

“Fuck, Kai. You’re so good.”

His body jolts, “say it again.”

“What?”

“Name. Say it again.”

“Kai,” you pant as he quickens pace.

“No one else is home baby, say it louder.”

You had forgotten this fact, actually, but the minute he reminds you, you let yourself go. “Fuck,” you moan, rather loudly, “feels so good, Kai! Fuck. Harder.”

He spreads your legs wider and thrusts harder upon request. Obscene sounds fill the room, mixed with your moans and whimpers.

“Kai,” you pant, “need to hear you, too.”

“I’d rather hear you, Princess.”

“Aw, come on, gorgeous. Nothing turns me on more than men moaning,” you admit. “Need to hear you.”

Previously held-back grunts and groans tumble from his mouth at your confession. When his lips return to your nipple, he makes sure to keep up with your request, sending vibrations throughout your body. 

“I’m close, Kai. So close, so close… don’t stop what you’re doing.”

“I’m getting there, too,” he twitches again. “Come for me, Princess.”

As soon as he asks, your orgasm rips through your body. Loud moans follow, and your eyes roll back in your head. Kai rides you through yours, before pulling out and immediately releasing all over your face and chest. Some drips off your shoulders, down to the bedsheets.

The minute he catches his breath, a worried expression takes over his face, “I’m sorry! I knew I shouldn’t do it inside you, but wasn’t sure where else to. I aimed for your chest and misfired.”

You make direct eye contact with him, then swipe a bunch off your cheek with your finger before sucking it off. “Oh, I’ll never complain about a facial.” You dart your tongue out to the side to gather more. “And don’t worry, I kinda like the taste. How the hell were you a virgin, Kai?! You were amazing the whole way through!”

He blushes, “um, thank you.”

You can’t help but giggle. Only Kai would be sweet enough to thank you for complimenting his sexual ability. Your ex-boyfriend, to whom you had lost your virginity, threw you an, “I know,” when you told him he was good. This little fact just made you love Kai even more. 

Then, as if he couldn’t get more perfect, his next words are, “can I clean you up now, Princess? And then we can cuddle and nap?”

“Of course. Give me a kiss first.”

Kai leans forward and kisses you sweetly. His tongue sweeps over your bottom lip, wetting it gently. 

“Blood,” he comments.

“Hm?”

“There’s blood on your lip.”

You run your own tongue along it, “must’ve bit it in pleasure.”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” He pulls on a loose pair of sweatpants from his drawer, giving you a wink. 

“Okay, darling.”

Two minutes later, Kai returns with a warm rag and a water bottle. First, he cleans the small sore and any remaining blood off your lip, then hands you the bottle. “Drink,” he insists. As you do, he moves the rag over your face and down your neck and chest, cleaning off his drying cum. He rubs your lower body next, easing some of the soreness as well as wiping away your cum. “Anywhere else?”

“No, I’m okay. Do you need anything?”

“Just you,” he sappily replies. 

“Okay, come here then.” Arms wide open, you gather him up and pull him close. You take a hand away for a split-second to pull the blankets over you two, earning a whine before he realizes what you’re doing. As soon as your arm is back around him, he snuggles into your body. “I love you, Kai,” you whisper with your lips against his cheek.

“I love you, too, Princess. Thank you for making me feel like I’m worth something to someone.” 

As much as his words sadden you, they also make you feel warm inside. You’re the one that makes him feel that way, and that’s pretty fucking special. 

“Always, my sweetheart.” You give him a kiss to the cheek, keeping your lips there even afterwards. His heartbeat slows into a comfortable rhythm and breathing evens out, and soon, he’s fast asleep in your arms. 

[kaija-rayne-author]

DAV is maximized (made for?) Tank/Warrior players

Curiosity is absolutely one of my fatal flaws. I was sorta feeling shitty about the whole 'you probably just suck at the fighting system in DAV' thing.

Let me preface this with saying that I'm good with rogues. It's my usual playstyle and I almost always do a first run of any RPG as a rogue.

What I'm really not all that good at? Tanks. Pretty much any other class I'm at least suitably competent with. I mean, I can tank, but it's just not something I'm more than acceptably good at. I also have very little experience with them. I think I've tanked in 3 games? Out of the, it must be hundreds, of games I've played? I just don't prefer to tank. I'm a rogue/mage/healer style player. The one who backs up the tank or keeps them on their feet, y'know?

So, because curiosity will likely be the death of me at some point, and despite never wanting to touch it again, I made a warrior character in DAV. I just... had to know if it was me or the game. I suppose I enjoy actually being a good gamer more than I suspected. DAV offended my pride, perhaps. Self-awareness isn't comfortable.

That fighting system, that I had so much trouble with as a rogue (with other rogues and a mage as backup since we don't get our tank companions til later in act one) has, so far, been so fucking easy as a warrior I'm actually thinking of increasing the difficulty level.

DAV is just maximized for warrior players and people who like to bash barrels in, not any other class. Which is just shitty game design.

I suppose I should have seen it before. The rest of the companions you start with are all support characters. Two rogues and a mage. Your first companion you aquire is Bellara, also a rogue. Oops. Mage. Bellara is a mage. I forgor.

I dunno, I'm going to run this character until I get to the spot (when Harding receives her special ability) where I first wanted to rage quit as a rogue. But so far? I haven't died once. I'd gotten creamed numerous times as a rogue character by this spot in the game. I can go toe to fucking toe with a fucking ogre! And only have to heal once!

It's truly ridiculous. I'll test out mage after, if I can find the patience. It's reasonably unlikely that I'll actually decide to finish this run. Unless I do it for writing my fix it fic reasons . But I can kinda see more clearly why some people actually liked it. It's actually almost fun as a tank.

I did also say I'd never touch DAV again too, though, soooooo.

If you turn your brain completely off, don't give a shit about the Lore, and if the story is a back seat sort of thing for you as a gamer, this might actually be somewhat fun. It's not Dragon Age regardless, they screwed the pooch to sell the pups on that one. (I'm a Lore fiend, story and character first player. I legitimately don't give a shit about the fighting in RPGs. It's a back seat thing for me. As long as I can make it work, I'm good.)

SMDH

I said DAV was wickedly unbalanced in my review series, but I didn’t think it was so bad that they... just didn't bother to make it a fun game for rogue players. Despite them getting rid of half of what makes playing a rogue fun (sneaking, hiding in shadows, picking fucking locks, y'know, rogue stuff.) Not sure about mages yet. I do want to try one just out of pissed off, irritated curiosity, though.

Snorts. They made this game for warrior players. And I can't honestly find words to describe how shitty that is. It lacks most of the stuff that makes any RPG an actual RPG. It's maximized for warriors and people who like to destroy barrels. (Why. Why the fucking barrels?) Rogues are nothing but light skirmishers. I'll have to actually play a mage and see, but I've talked to people who said it's easy as a mage, too.

WTAF does BioWare have against rogue players to nerf the class so badly?

I'm honestly floored by how easy this game is as a warrior. I'll even test it out on max difficulty, (which is usually what I play at, max or one down).

But the shittiness of designing a game mostly for tank players can't be ignored. I changed nothing but the class. And I'm not far enough into the game yet for build to matter that much. I think I've gotten roughly 5 skill points to put into my character.

No wonder they denied game keys to honest reviewers.

[junebluues]

Character Intimacy Levels- August

please note: august does not dislike these people! neither do i! it's just their own emotional turmoil and mental issues that keep them from ranking the others in ANAKT higher than a 10 percent. this is also generally much shorter because august doesn't really pay attention to the other students. however, their siblings will have more "normal" intimacy percentages and longer comments because august is closer to them.

CLASSMATES

Akane ( @aakaneeee ) - 5%

generally kind. very smart, understanding. intimidates me. i think akane is nice.

Aoki ( @bluemoonscape ) - 6%

kind to me. i don't often get close to him. honestly? pretty admirable. aoki is okay in my eyes.

Daian ( @apple8ees ) - 3%

difficult to understand. oops.

Ish ( @chevalperd ) - 7%

too sweet... very overwhelming. i don't like it.

Kay ( @rockwgooglyeyes ) - 8%

i know what you are.

Mercury - 3%

weren't they close with nadohan before?... i can't remember. sometimes, i think of the planet instead of the person when people mention her...

MJ ( @subzeromoron ) - 4%

the browned haired twin? hm... he's silly.

Nadohan ( @alien-til-i-stage ) - 2%

weird. why are you so... scared? of me? that's not really the right word, but whatever. i think i know what you're thinking. maybe you're right.

Para ( @solei-eclipse ) - 5%

interesting to me, personally. cool. probably. i wouldn't really know.

Plip ( @awaggaa ) - 4%

off-putting but. whatever. what else is new, haha.

Star ( @starry-skiez ) - 6%

you... i feel... ... i can't put words to it. sorry.

Sun ( @paradisedisconcert ) - 4%

do you also burn like the sun? i don't have much to say.

Syd ( @tsukacchako ) - 5%

cool. don't mind. thumbs up from me.

Toon ( @nottoonedin ) - 6.9(?)%

wow. makes me laugh.

Vant ( @ivanttakethis ) - 4%

smart. nice. cool. fun. i think we're acquainted enough.

Zen ( @verdantlights ) - 2%

eh. odd haircut. is there really anything to comment on?

Airin ( @apriciticreveries ) - 97%

we're close. i don't understand why they care so much. i don't understand why airin chooses to stick around knowing who i am and how i feel. i'm... i'm not ready to let go, but all good things must come to an end, right? surely, when i'm gone, things will be easier without me behind your back.

SIBLINGS, GUARDIAN

January - 51%

jan is a smart girl. she is very self-sufficient and works well under pressure. i'm surprised i went to ANAKT instead of her. she isn't that much younger than i am... maybe she'll be sent after me?

February - 36%

he's so... compassionate. empathetic. to me, he's almost like a dog... it can be annoying, but sometimes he is very good at calming me down.

March - 62%

they are very dedicated to teaching me everything they know. march is very helpful when it comes to time management and helping me plan interviews. you could say that they are my manager, in a way.

April - 45%

assertive. he's much more confrontational than i am. ... can i admit something? sometimes, he gets isolated. on multiple occasions, i broke him out. i've never gotten in trouble for it. no, getting in trouble wasn't on my mind. i just wanted to save him.

May - 81%

my oldest sibling. she's like my mother, if i had one... her warmth is nice.

June Viktor - 72%

guardian gregor changed their name... well, kind of. it was supposed to be victor, like victor frankenstein, since he's a very intelligent person. i mean, vik did go viral because of it, you know. it's just... guardian gregor spelled it wrong. after that, they never changed another pet's name again... viktor makes stuff for me. i like them.

July - 29%

july is... hm. i think they're very hard to describe. she's very clumsy, to say the least. she can get back up again when she's fallen very quickly. i've had to help her a lot over the years, even if she is older. she's really got to get a grip.

September - 15%

you should've listened. look at you now...

October - 56%

whenever our siblings get into arguments, october almost always helps me solve them. i think they should be awarded for their extreme patience...

November - 37%

my youngest sibling. it's hard to form an opinion on november at their young age... but they're sweet to me. they like it when i perform.

December - 49%

jan's twin brother. always striving for something bigger than himself... i think he should know better than to dream in this world. he may never wake up from his fantasy.

Guardian Gregor - 1%

why me?

[shaunamilfman]

Milfman,

Having a thought about the one of the girls, it could be either Lottie, Shauna, or Jackie, in this.

But imagine your parents being friends and forcing the two of you to hang out ever since you guys were kids, expecting you both to become best friends and resenting THE FUCK out of each other. Whether it’s because of the forced proximity, differing personalities or whatever, you guys just hate each other. You guys end up not seeing each other for a few years before your parents force you guys together once again for like a weekend or a ski trip or something, and Lottie/Jackie/Shauna FALLS IMMEDIATELY. You ended up working out or glowing up in one way or another and they don’t know how to act. They spend the entire time trying to get you to like them, get you alone or just overall flirt with you.

What’re we thinking/feeling about this

i feel like this is definitely a jackie prompt. some girlfailure shit her ass would do. i feel like jackie had a lot of stuff forced on her as a kid and you were probably one of the easiest ways she had to rebel against that. yall being like super bitchy and underhanded all the time. like your getting in actual physical fights (nothing major because jackies a little wuss when it comes to pain) and always trying to get the other in trouble. like yall were giving tattletale for sure.

anyways im thinking your dad probably moved you away for a job or something so yall stopped seeing each other for like 6 years or some shit. just long enough for your glow uppppp. you've been excited for this trip and already have your bitchy response prepared and jackie takes one look at you and trips over her own feet. jackie's fully prepared to be an uber bitch but god damn have you gotten hot lmaoooo.

jackie tries flirting with you at first but your still kind of mocking her about it since you think shes like making fun of you somehow (you think jackies playing chess but she can't even play checkers). jackie realizes she kind of likes the mocking and is a little embarrassed about it but decides to go full brat in response.

like shes grabbing for the last cookie like "oops were you going to eat that? 🤭". she purposely eats it slowly in front of you while your staring in anger. she's changing the radio station just as you get into the song, knocking your chair out from under you just as your about to sit down, etc. she's really committed to being bratie taylor. all the while she's giggling and giving you flirty looks while you get angrier and angrier.

you finally get mad enough to get physical with her like you did when you were kids and just press her up against the wall as she tries to grab for your drink or something. jackie looks a mixture of smug and turned on as shes pinned in place, her eyes keep purposefully drifting to your lips. if she wants it so bad you guess she can have it, right? and if she's too tired and satisfied in the morning to bug you that's just another benefit.

[toonqueen]

Duckvember Day 17: Eggheaded Duck

TOO TIRED TO COLOR. 

So I have this Mighty Duck’s OC that was Tanya’s older cousin. His name was Erik and his hacker name I BELIEVE was Egghead. He was smart like Tanya but felt cheated out of promotions in  previous tech jobs so he gave up being in that industry. Instead he got into stealing from the rich. Like you do. He ends up running a small thief group where he hacks security and lets others in to take the stuff.  Erik kept this double life secret from this family though. 

In my story line I had Duke (and my OC, that is his sister Duluna,) join the smaller thief group before later joining the whole Brotherhood of the Blade debacle. The reason Duke knew Erik is because he used to date their aunt. (very on and off, but stayed friends through it.) Duke and Duluna’s aunt (who I cannot remember the name of lol) may have been a wee bit into witchcraft, crystal and horoscope gal that believed the reincarnate of Drake Ducaine and his  friends that helped him were all around in this time all together now because something catastrophic was going to happen soon and they would be needed again. She wasn’t wrong. Unfortunately something happens to her and Duke and Duluna get left with Erik who feels responsible to keep a roof over their heads. 

A lot of the people in this little group Erik leads started out in their teens so he had to accidentally be a bit of a parent figure too. Oops. But he’s really a nice guy. Honorable thief Robin Hood thing going on. Wouldn’t put the group in trouble he couldn’t get them out of. 

 I always like the idea though that maybe Duluna and Tanya met once as little kids via Eric. Maybe Erik had to babysit Tanya once and met Duluna. Then many years later when they meet on Earth they probably wouldn’t even recognize each other. Though for Duluna’s origin store she does mention Erik to Duke, leading to Tanya being like “Oh I have a cousin named Erik.” And then finding out they knew the SAME ERIK. 

When Dragaunus attacked, only Erik and Duluna were nearby each other. The other members of the group were not found. They avoided capture but at the same time did not trust the military run resistance. Both of them instead worked with smaller groups of survivors, scavenge supplies for them, that kind of thing. Upon hearing rumors that the military was looking for the Mask of Drake Ducaine, Erik started to try to build his own from scratch. There was a limit of resources though. He did have a partly built one he would keep tinkering with though. 

One of the small non-military resistance groups that they start working with started being a thorn in Dragaunus’ side. Enough to be noticed. He unleashes a robotic creature to hunt the  resistance. Erik figures out it can only be blown up while inside it to permanently destroy it. He knew there was a chance he would have to sacrifice himself to blow it up, but he had hoped to get away. I always wanted to write a song fic to that  whole situation to this song. MAYBE SOMEDAY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY&list=PLKQn9I9WSbNpj1pjYz-zxjkZbotY943T1

He then shows up later in this big story I wrote now lost on an old hard drive. Show up as a ghost though to Tanya. To inform her HEY guess what we are related to Drake Ducaine. Thats a whole other story.

[darksuitfantasies]

Conference Room 2 After Hours(chp3)

Michael Bluth x fem reader

Summary: When a bubbly new intern named Ava starts turning on the charm around Michael Bluth, the reader can't help but stew in quiet frustration. As Ava leans a little too close and laughs a little too loud, Michael’s unshakable politeness only fuels the tension simmering beneath the surface. But it's not really about Ava—it’s about the unspoken energy between Michael and the reader that neither of them wants to confront. One late night in the office, petty jealousy, sharp banter, and unsaid feelings finally reach a slow, simmering boil. And maybe—just maybe—Michael’s sarcasm hides a little more than annoyance.

The thing about Ava is that she talks. A lot.

And not in the “I’m excited to be here, I love this job!” kind of way. No, it’s weaponized. Every “Oops!” and “Oh no, I’m so bad at Excel!” is less a cry for help and more like a mating call for the nearest guy in khakis.

Which, of course, lands her right next to Michael Bluth.

Now, to his credit, Michael tries. He keeps his tone professional. His posture stiff. His patience... well, barely intact. But his politeness only encourages her, and he doesn’t push back. Not enough. Not in the way you wish he would.

You're sitting across the table, pretending to focus on your spreadsheet while the click of your pen gets angrier by the second.

Ava laughs again—one of those overkill laughs that fill the whole office. Like Michael just made the most brilliant joke in existence when really, he probably just said, “Try formatting the column.”

"Wow, Michael! You’re like… really fast at this stuff. I feel like I’m learning so much just watching you."

Michael barely glances her way. "Great. That’s the idea," he replies, voice flat.

But there’s the smallest smirk tugging at the edge of his mouth, and that’s enough to make your blood simmer.

You slam your folder shut. Loudly. It’s subtle, but not really.

Michael’s eyes flick toward you, then right back to his screen. Like he didn’t notice. But he noticed.

The next ten minutes are unbearable. Ava keeps asking questions she already knows the answers to, and Michael, ever the responsible adult, keeps answering them. Calm. Helpful. Infuriatingly patient.

Finally, you’ve had enough.

"Actually," you cut in, sweet as poison, "if you’re struggling with formulas, I made a cheat sheet. From last week’s meeting. It’s… very basic."

You slide it across the table without even looking at her.

"Oh, that’s so sweet of you!" Ava chirps, oblivious.

Michael doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his eyes on you now.

He knows exactly what you’re doing.

Good.

A few minutes later, Ava gets a phone call and practically skips out of the room, still trailing that cloying perfume like a cartoon cloud.

The moment she’s gone, you say, "So… she’s great."

Michael doesn’t even lift his head. "Don’t start."

"What? I’m just appreciating her sparkle."

He finally looks up, expression unreadable. "You don’t like her."

"Didn’t say that."

"You didn’t have to."

You shrug. "I just think if someone’s gonna stay late, they should be… useful. You know. Contribute something other than gloss and giggles."

"She’s new."

"And?"

Michael exhales through his nose. That familiar look settles on his face—equal parts tired, frustrated, and trying very hard not to say something that will get him in trouble.

There’s a beat of silence. You both return to your screens, but the tension doesn’t leave. If anything, it lingers thicker.

Because it isn’t about Ava. Not really.

It’s about the fact that Michael’s been off tonight. Quieter. Unreadable. And you don’t like not knowing why.

Eventually, Ava yawns and finally gathers her things.

"I think I’m gonna head out unless you need anything else?"

Michael doesn’t even glance at her. "You’re fine. Go get some sleep."

She flashes a smile that definitely isn’t intern-appropriate, then turns to you.

"Night!"

You grunt something in return.

The second the door shuts behind her, you murmur, "She’ll be fun."

Michael exhales like he’s been holding it in for hours. "She’s temporary."

"You sure?"

"She won’t last a week."

"Because she’s inexperienced? Or because I’ll end her?"

That earns you a rare smile. "Try not to make HR your next enemy."

You lean back in your chair, letting yourself relax just slightly. "No promises."

There’s a silence after that. Not awkward. Just heavy. Like something unspoken is hanging in the air.

Because it’s not about Ava.

It’s about you. And Michael. And whatever’s not being said.

You both head toward the elevator in silence. It’s after midnight. The office hums with the ghost of fluorescent lights and overworked dreams.

"So… Ava," you say, trying to sound casual. "Where do they even find these people? She seems more ring light and iced coffee than spreadsheets and deadlines."

Michael stares ahead at the elevator numbers, not saying a word.

You press on. "She’s gonna start vlogging next week, I swear. ‘A Day in the Life of a Girlboss Intern.’"

Still nothing.

The silence stretches just long enough for your nerves to fray.

But then, finally, Michael speaks. Low. Dry. Unbothered in the most bothersome way.

"Well… if she shuts you up like that, maybe having Ava around isn’t such a bad idea."

You huff—not a laugh. Not quite. But your mouth betrays you with the smallest smile, and you turn away so he doesn’t see it.

The elevator dings.

You step out fast, eager to put some space between you and the weird tangle of feelings trying to build in your chest.

"She’ll never shut me up!" you call over your shoulder.

And somewhere behind you, Michael smirks.

Because he already knows that.

[elacular-kink]

Poly-techhic 3.5 A: Oops all feelings

This is a pretty direct sequel to chapter 3. It's a very short scene where Maya asks Olivia about her relationship with Susanna now that she finally has The Context. This includes No Hiccups, sadly.

Character Sheet

TW: Religious trauma, Shame (remembered, discussed), Abortion (discussed), Emotional meltdowns (remembered), Shitty teachers (remembered), Kids/teens dealing with kink stuff (remembered), Self-loathing (remembered, discussed), Complicated romantic feelings

"Hey, Liv!" I said while we were lying in my bed together. "Now that I know about Susie's cute hiccup thing, can I know the full story behind you and her?"

Liv sat up and pursed her lips for a moment. "I guess you can now, yeah. Well, it started in preschool. I only remember parts of it because we were so young, but the main thing I remember is that it was the first place where a lot of people started getting sick of my hiccups and telling me that. Teachers and other kids. They'd do things like try and make me drink water or hold my breath, even though I told them I knew that nothing worked. They didn't listen to me. And every time a new person tried, they didn't listen to me either. But I could feel that Susanna was watching me. She always was, but she never talked to me, and she never tried to cure me. So eventually I just came up and asked her why she was staring at me, and she yelled 'You're scary!' and ran away. So I guessed that that made sense. I assumed it was a racism thing." It was kind of crazy to me to imagine a four-year-old being able to "assume it was a racism thing".

"But one day we had a substitute teacher who was really really bothered by my hiccups. And she kept trying to cure me, and after water and holding my breath, they got weirder, and she kept touching me and trying to drag me places and I started crying, and then Susanna yelled at her. She yelled about how nothing cures me and said that if she didn't stop trying to, she'd beat the teacher up. So Susanna and I both got sent to the corner. I asked her why she was scared of me, and she said it was because she was scared of the hiccups. When I asked her why she'd never tried to cure me then, she said that just because she was scared of them didn't mean that they shouldn't exist. And then out of nowhere she just yelled 'I'm gonna be brave and face my fears!' After that, we were best friends. She was always around me, especially when I had the hiccups, and if anybody tried to cure me or give me crap about them, she'd yell at them or hit them. Susanna got in trouble a lot.

"At the end of that year, my older brother got expelled because he was too autistic for them, so he and I were both sent to public school. That was probably a good thing, and I was happy to go to the same school he was, but I didn't realize Susanna wouldn't be going there too until it was too late. We left the church too, so I couldn't find her through that either. So all through elementary and middle school, I still had the same experiences, but no Susanna to protect me or get angry at people for me. That's part of why I realized being honest was important. Even if a lot of people didn't listen to me when I said that nothing cured me or that I didn't like being touched, some people would listen, and they'd know that I always said that, so I'd have a sort of paper trail. A court record, I guess. That's also why I learned how to get pretty good at muffling my hiccups. I don't like doing that when I don't have to, though, so I usually avoid it these days.

"Then in high school, I saw Susanna again. As soon as I did, I hugged her, because she said I could hug her any time. She was really confused and angry, but when I told her who I was, she remembered me right away. I was confused too because she acted like she didn't want me around, but then I remembered how she'd stared at me and run away from me when we were little, and I figured that she might just be scared of me again. But she'd decided to face her fear then, so she'd probably do it again now. And we had a bunch of classes together anyway, so I was going to spend time with her. I tried to reconnect with her with things I remembered her liking. Some of them worked, like talking to her about computer games. Or video games more broadly. But others didn't work, and I didn't understand why until later. Like, one of her favorite things to do when we were little was to play doctor when I had the hiccups and give me examinations. I never minded that, but when I asked if she'd like to do that again, she nearly exploded. I knew it wasn't really age-appropriate, but that still didn't make any sense to me until I learned about her hiccup fetish.

"Even though she acted differently, she was still the same Susanna Jane Butler I remembered. She'd get between me and anyone who tried to give me shit about my hiccups. Actually, she wouldn't let people give me shit about anything, even when I was the one who was wrong. That's something I still feel like I have to be careful about; not letting her act like I'm always right. Or convince me of that. When I say that I'm always right, I'm mostly being facetious, but there's a part of me that really believes it. And I think there's a part of her that really believes it too.

"She was really serious about catholicism still and got into arguments all the time with people about gay marriage and abortion. She's really embarrassed about that now. I was sort of able to guide her away from that. For the abortion thing, I ended up finding out that restricting access doesn't actually decrease the number of abortions that happen. Since she actually thought it was about wanting people to not kill babies, that made a huge difference to her, and it got her started changing her mind. Gay marriage was harder because there's nothing objective or numbery about that. It was also harder because she's gay, so I think she figured that if it was something about her, that something was probably bad. It's fucked up. Telling her I was bisexual didn't help. It just made her try to convince me to only ever date men and tell me I was lucky I had that option." Olivia frowned. "Susanna can be a real asshole when she gets envious of people."

"Jesus. So she was way fucking worse in high school." Imagining her like that, I knew I would have hated her fucking guts. "Uh, not that I'm not happy you did, but why the fuck did you keep hanging out with her?"

"Because she was still my best friend. I'd never had anyone who was as good a friend as her. And she was still a good friend, even if it wasn't the same as before and even if there was a lot more harder stuff than there used to be. She'd still do things like protect me from people who were mean, share her food with me, give me her sweaters when it was cold, and sing songs for me when I got overloaded. She's always been good at helping me with sensory overload. Part of it is probably that her little sister has some cognitive issues and has meltdowns kind of like mine, but she was good at it in pre-k too, so I think she might also just have always had a knack for it. Susanna's a person who always tries to do what she thinks is right. She tries way too hard a lot of the time, and when she's wrong it's really annoying and stupid, but when she's right and when she's helping people, it makes her someone really really special.

"When I learned about her hiccup thing, I don't remember exactly what set it off. It seemed like nothing to me. Susanna would probably remember it better. But at some point in junior year, Susanna flipped out when I tried to hug her, then ran off and locked herself in a bathroom. That's kind of her default panic response, I think. When I found her, she was crying. She only cried once or twice when we were in pre-k, and I'd never seen her cry in high school, so I knew that something was serious and bad. She said that I shouldn't come near her and that she was bad and evil. I told her that was stupid, and she yelled at me that that was because I didn't know the truth. So I told her that I knew that she was gay and she had a crush on me and that was fine. I was right, but, um..." It was rare for Olivia to use a filler word, and her flat face twisted into a small cringe. "That didn't help. That didn't help at all. So we fought a bunch. She actually had some grievances stored up. She doesn't do that anymore, especially not to me, because that's something I fear a lot. But she'd let small things that she felt were unfair for her to be upset about build up and they burst out. I started crying too, and crying almost always gives me the hiccups, so she came out of the stall she'd been hiding in and tried to run away, but I grabbed her and asked if she wanted me to leave her alone. She didn't say yes or no, she just screamed. And then we both got taken to the principal's office. The principal tried to get me to drink water, and she said 'That never fucking cures her you stupid piece of shit!' So she got suspended. I just got detention.

"I missed her like crazy the whole time she was away. And when she came back, I told her that. She told me that she missed me too, but that I needed to know the truth about her and she'd tell me after school. After school, we climbed to the top of a tree so we could have some privacy. Once we were there, she told me about her hiccup fetish, and she broke down crying, talking about how she'd been using me and doing bad things to me even back when we were little, and by never trying to cure me and letting me hug her while I had the hiccups, she was objectifying me and abusing me and...honestly, at some point I stopped hearing the words. Because she was saying a lot of things, but underneath it was really just 'I'm a bad person and I made you dirty' over and over and over again. So I told her that she wasn't a bad person and that she didn't make me dirty. I told her that I didn't feel like she used me, and I didn't mind if I turned her on. I even kind of liked it now that I knew about it. And I guess after that we were sort of dating.

"It didn't take me very long after that to realize I was aromantic. It was honestly a little frustrating because I knew I wanted to be with her, but I couldn't really give her the thing she wanted. I didn't know a lot about polyamory back then, so I didn't realize we had options, but I knew I couldn't give her what she'd want from a 'girlfriend,' so I told her I couldn't be that. I was really clear that we could still have sex though. It took her a while to understand that. But once we were actually fully having sex, I really liked it, and I've liked doing that with her ever since. So she's not my girlfriend and I'm not hers, but she's still my best friend. And we have sex. A lot."

"...damn." I scratched the back of my head. "I knew you two were kind of married, but that's some soulmate-type shit."

"That's stupid, but I get what you mean." I snorted. "I'm an atheist. Susanna says she is too, but she's really just an uncatholic. That's a really specific kind of thing. And to the extent that she still believes in god, I think she might believe something similar. That we might have some kind of divine connection or something. I don't think that. But I know that I love her, and I've never loved anyone else more than her. And I know that I like spending time with her more than anyone else." She took a slow, deep breath. "I've been learning that she isn't enough though. Not for me. And I'm not enough for her. And that's scary. But learning it is a good thing. Because we shouldn't just have each other. We should have other people. Other people we share, and other people who are just for us. Even if we do spend our whole lives together like I'd like to, I'm so glad that we'll have other people too. Even if I don't know who all of those are yet. So I guess what I'm saying is..." she smiled at me. A real, big, serious Olivia smile. "Thank you for being one of our first people, Maya."

Holy shit, marry me.

"No." 

I froze. "...fuck, did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah." Olivia didn't look particularly bothered, but I knew that didn't necessarily mean she wasn't.

"Shit, sorry." I rubbed my face. "Uh...for what it's worth, I didn't really mean you. I sort of meant...your relationship? That, uh...that's probably not better?"

"I don't understand what you meant, but I know that that's the kind of hyperbole you think and speak in." After an awkward moment, Olivia started talking again. "I'd like clarification on why you said that, though."

"Honestly, I'd like that too." I laughed weakly. She stared at me. Fuck, she could make eye contact hard when she wanted to. "...I'm catching feelings for you two. And when I do, that's scary, because I've kinda steamrolled people with 'em before."

"I won't let you do that to me," Olivia said without even thinking. "That might mean breaking up with you at some point, but I don't see any reason that it would as of now. And Susanna definitely won't let you do that to her."

A laugh forced itself out of me. "Yeah. I think that'd be kinda like trying to steamroll one of those fuckin' cement poles that stick out of the ground at Target. Or something."

"For now, though, I'm having fun with you." Olivia's big, real smile came back. "And I'm so glad to have someone I can talk about Susanna with for real now. So I'm really happy you like her. And I really like that she likes you back."

I shook my head and sighed. "Yeah. I like that too, Liv." I hovered an arm over her shoulders and she leaned into my side, letting me wrap her up and cuddle her. "Yeah. I like that a lot."

[comesitintheclover]

Six Sentence Sunday Monday 📚📜🖊️

Thank you so much for the tag @bookish-bogwitch! your chart is awesome!

I will remember to try that/ a similar thing if I keep having issues with this fic I'm writing (but I should at least try to slog through a first draft of my trouble chapters first - i just get so anxious that I will fuck up the funny-conflict and make it miserable or something when it's 'perfect' (but vague af) in my brain and has been that way for 4 years...).

And thank you everyone who has tagged me in the last months/year <3 @nausikaaa, @ileadacharmedlife, @monbons, @supercutedinosaurs, @brendughh, @rimeswithpurple, and anyone else if I missed you because my tumblr notifs won't go that far back 😭💗💞💖 I love you all! Thank you for including me in the community even when I haven't been writing for a while! It's been so inspiring seeing what you all have been up to and I've finally started writing again so yay!

My goal is to finish this fic I've been writing for four years (i've written what I'm estimating is 50k words freehand and am transcribing and editing them onto my laptop and I still need to write the other half ... hahahaha 😅. But I love it. ) called *The Long Summer*, within a month (the first draft at least, I'll come back and edit it at a later date. I want to post it on ao3 over a summer so hopefully I will be ready next summer! I need to write it while I still love it!), and then I want to write the first draft of an original story for a month or so/NaNoWriMo, and then I will pick one of my Carry On WIPs to work on (hopefully just in time to celebrate snowbaz's anniversary!)

(The Carry On WIPs in question: I'm thinking I will probably pick my soulmate au fic called Meet the Parents/When You're an Adult You'll Understand, or a trans au called Fraternity house, orrrrr this magical Agony-Aunt fic called Basilton Grimm-Pitch’s 10 Step Plan for Getting Over*(letting himself be in love with) Simon Snow ).

And I'm planning to interact more with wip-wednesdays and six-sentence-sundays from now on to keep me motivated and accountable! (hopefully this works, battling my motivation is like trying to wrestle a fish or something... i'm constantly at a loss with my brain - oh why won't I do things that I love and have time to do??)

....Oh and I want to make some Carry On animations.... (this is probably why I don't do things... Too ideas many and hard to pick. I tried to make a schedule last night that included everything I wanted to do in a day and it was 35 hours long... oops).

*The Long Summer* is a harry potter fic, and since I know all of you lovely people from Carry On, and I know lots of people avoid hp stuff for obvious reasons (JKR is wrong! Trans liberation now!), I will keep the rest of this under the cut <3

here are the first six sentences from my 💗beloved fic💗:

Ron Weasley wasn't an introspective soul. By the time something actually rolled around to happening he would probably have had twelve chances to predict it, if he was Hermione. He presumed something like this would never have happened to Hermione. Summers were probably a lot more quiet in the Muggle world, as an only child, with parents who weren’t - well Hermione was so smart she probably already knew, no there was really no reason to write to her. And Harry - well he didn't want to write to Harry about it either.  Honestly, it would probably be better if he never found out.

(I wrote these when I was 16 and they may need editing but that's for future me to worry about - rn I'm trying to push out a first draft as fast as possible...)

Thank you to anyone who read this far!

Hi!'s, tags, and hand-hearts to everybody 🫶 @stitchy-queerista, @umdiasujo, @carpeosculum, and open tag to anyone who wants to be tagged! <3

[clatterbane]

My first real appointment through orthopedics to finally try and get set up with an aftermarket leg is coming up on Monday.

The previous referral last year just didn't work out, for multiple reasons, and I was a bit bummed over that. I think part of the problem was it falling through the cracks because nobody really seems to be sure what to do with somebody showing up from completely outside their system already minus a leg.

But, we thought to ask that new endo for a fresh referral. So, I did get an intake appointment set up through ortho, with no schedule collisions this time.

In one way, I'm excited to hopefully get moving toward with the process of getting set up with a prosthetic. I would really like to be able to get around better again! And, you know, be able to take my sorry ass off paved surfaces and up steps and stuff again!

OTOH, due to the person I am? I am trying not to borrow too much trouble and drive myself crazy worrying in the meantime. Especially the closer that draws.

Frankly, not least that somebody is gonna just say, "Oops, it's been so long and this entire situation does not fit into any familiar procedures. We just can't/won't help you!”

Yeah, I know there is going to be an awful lot of PT ahead, likely before I even get to the point of any fitting. I have some other concerns about that, after some sufficiently unpleasant experiences as a troublesome-bendy individual, with rehab-focused PT after injuries/knee surgeries (directly coming from the probably-EDS) in the past. My knees are also pretty damned terrible, and also kinda further destabilized by said surgical tinkering.

But, I am much older and more confident now--and not nearly as eager to take any "no pain, no gain!" bullshit seriously. Much less push in ill-advised ways until I do my bendy self an injury.

But yeah, even right now? I would place good money if I had it on the likelihood that I am currently in better shape than 75% of the new patients they see much sooner than this after surgery. Who are statistically much older and otherwise in pretty damned bad health. Probably I've been staying more physically active over the past few years than a lot of that demographic have been able to, even under the current circumstances

Mean age at the time of the first registered amputation in our sample was 74 years (SD 14); women were older (78, SD 14, CI 77–79) than men (72, SD 14, CI 72–73). 43% of the patients were 80 years or older by the time of the primary amputation (Figure 3). The mortality rate of the registered patients was 19% within 6 months and 24% within the 1st year after the last registered amputation. The 1-year mortality rate after TFA was 40%, after KD 38%, and after TTA 24%.

("Lucky" transtibial/TTA here. Those figures are from the Swedish national database, BTW. Because there is one. You see dire mortality rates after this sort of surgery come up? That's a lot of why. Those demographics and the occasional nasty accident requiring amputation seriously skew things.)

There were reasons they kept going on about how young and healthy my middle-aged ass that had just barely cheated death was when I was stuck in the hospital in Romford. And therefore considered a candidate for prosthetics at all under that system. Not going off on that rant right now.

Still, the majority of those elderly patients in otherwise not great shape DO get successfully set up on replacement legs here. Which is encouraging, that they are likely not looking hard for excuses to avoid spending the money. (We're talking the equivalent of a new not-cheap car, back in the US. Region Skåne is still set to lay out a fair chunk of change here. We are thankfully not directly.)

I do rationally doubt that I would get turned away just because I have been off that leg for several years now, and my knees were terrible even before that. And I fucking suck at trying to use forearm crutches, which I am not at all used to and have a very different feel than the type I do have too much experience on.

But yeah, my brain just won't leave things alone as usual. That's just one of the crappiest possibilities it's seized onto right now.

[voidsumbrella]

betrayal, hide, mask for witchwraithhaven?

iiiiiiiiiii forgot i reblogged this lmao whoops!

oc blocktext time~!

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

…y'know, i don't think ive done a whole lot with literal betrayal arcs for these three? like ive got some conceptual "perceived betrayal of the past self's ideals" going on, and wraith had an ex girlfriend backstab them in an early draft of the writing project, but that got cut bc it made the timeline clunky, and i haven't played with it much outside that.

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

witch: they got so much shit kicked under the bed, both literally and figuratively. their house is a dragon's horde of accumulated Stuff that no one else can access (besides wraith+haven), they are extremely close-lipped about their personal life, if i listed off all the specifics we'd be here all year. their biggest ~secrets~ are the ones that pose a safety risk to them and their loved ones. the most important physical object they're hiding is the only copy of the blueprints for a device that creates gods by destroying universes, and then kills and eats those gods; handling that is the plot of vast and empty spaces was such an Ordeal that they (and wraith) took the knowledge of it out of their head, so that if they get mind read or truth serum'd or something it'll still stay hidden. the memory's just in their room, so it's not like gone-gone, but all they know without checking is that there is something Extremely Destructive in the lowest level of their basement that they shouldn't talk about. the most important concept they keep under wraps is probably their true name. names have Power, and it's important to them that their persona as a wish granter is the main thing people see; even their "common name" is just a shortening of their title, not something they personally picked out to be called.

wraith: they're sometimes accused of hiding their whole self; they're very hard to read, don't communicate their thoughts, and rarely take action in a way that other people can tie directly to them. none of this is on purpose, per se- they're naturally extremely unexpressive, have trouble speaking/signing/writing coherently, and dislike drawing attention the themself- but they know full well that this shuts them off from people and have zero intention to do anything about it, so it's not wholly a false accusation. witch knows them, haven knows them, everyone else can get fucked.

haven: actually does hide a lot of himself as a person, mostly as an anxiety thing. he goes out of his way to cover any skin besides his hands and face (yeah, yeah, full coverage clothing ≠ hiding inherently, but it is what's going on here in this case), it takes a long time for him to be comfortable wearing anything even slightly attention getting; he's extremely self conscious about his hobbies and interests and avoids discussing them; he's a chronic people pleaser and terrified of confrontation, so any conversation with someone he doesn't already know that requires him to have an Opinion will result in him saying whatever he assumes will cause the least friction, even if it means outright lying. his assumptions are often wrong, which is why he can only make friends on accident. oops. he also keeps the whole "reincarnated from another universe" thing under wraps when that becomes relevant, for obvious reasons.

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

this has a lot of overlap with the last question, in the sense of them having multiple "selves" for a private and public context, but i will be splitting hairs about using the term "mask", because that has some connotative layers to it.

i don't totally think witch's public persona is a mask so much as it is a curation; they're playing a character so they are seen the way they want to be seen/the way they need to be seen in order to do their job, but they keep that character as close to themself as they can, as it's easier for them to be genuine than not. their "actual face" is kind of a behind-the-scenes type deal; as i said before, they have a lot of secret-secrets, but a lot of what they keep behind the curtain is the mechanics that let them keep the play going, and they just don't need other people to see that.

wraith's mask is more of a cardboard cutout they happen to be standing behind. they're not going to try to move out into the open, but with a bit of effort you can walk around it, and they're not going to stop you. they might make the path a bit harder or easier based on if they like you or not, but in the end if you can't or don't find them, that's on you.

haven is only functional in public due to his customer service face, which is very intentionally constructed to be at least partially separate from who he considers himself to really be for the aforementioned anxiety/judgement evasion reasons. secretary!haven can make phone calls. normal!haven gets anxious checking his email. you get the picture.

mask or no, none of them hide any part of themselves from the other two. loving and being loved is synonymous with knowing and being known.

[leonawriter]

Thinking about getting into something new and having the trouble of "where's the demos, do I really wanna risk spending the money on something I don't know if I'll be able to play" and there aren't any demos for it (or don't seem to be) so... like usual, I will most likely be just. Looking something up online and eventually just... watching through it.

Which only reminds me of the sheer number of times I've seen (especially with the Take Things Literally Autism) "[fans] who haven't/don't even play their own game" and the people who pretty much do say that you need to have played a thing to be a "real" fan and it just.. sucks?

Because with so many things I have to filter out "okay but this social game mechanic gives me bad anxiety. this calendar aspect gives me bad anxiety. I'm not sure how well I'd do with the controls on this one. I don't know if I'd be able to react fast enough for that one. the pov here would give me a headache. I would get motion sick/dizzy from the movement animations" all of which translate to "I have heavy doubts that I can play this and finish it."

I... don't regret buying P5R? I like having it on my system, and in hard copy. But I probably spent ages longer looking stuff up to know exactly what to say correctly for negotiations and stuff than I "had" to, and hate it when I realise I could have used a different Persona that would have worked better for whatever given SL.

Which is probably why my favourite games are ones where you really can just take your time and do all the mini side quests without worrying that you'll get a non-standard game over for taking too long, I don't have to worry about upsetting the fictional characters (I get enough of that from my anxiety disorder about upsetting people in real life, I don't need that in a game), and the controls are easy enough for someone with, I don't know, dyspraxia, which affects fine motor control and coordination (which is why I have trouble with XIV's more recent content).

So, like... early XIV is a comfort thing because I know how that works and it's familiar and easy for me. Mobile games are often easy go-tos, because they tend to be turn-based, which erases the need for fast reaction times. That'd also be why Pokemon was such an easy favourite growing up; it was turn-based, and the combat was easy to figure out because of the type alignments. P5T was fun too, for much the same reasons. I do remember enjoying and beating a couple of the really old (aka, GBC+) Zelda titles, like the original Link's Awakening, the colour version of Link to the Past, and the more "recent" Link Between Worlds, but I had issues with some of the others.

And- pretty much every time I want to try something new, these problems pop back up like "hey, remember me?" which again is like. So frustrating. Because I see people playing games that sound so fun, and the lore is fun, but I feel like... "Oop, guess I've gotta set aside a few dozen hours to watch someone else play! 8)" which isn't even always a viable option... because I find commentary on playthroughs highly irritating and if they skip past the dialogue (like some do!) then they've basically made the point of the videos null and void, y'know?

[starry-eyed-never-satisfied]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game: 😅 🤡 🛒 🍦🤗🧠🤲✅🤯 sorry if this is a lot lol

No worries I love asks and talking about my writing, so the more the merrier!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

The only one I really feel weird about is Tonight I Wanna See It In Your Eyes. Just cause it's so short and doesn't go into enough detail on what I was trying to portray. I did it for writers month and tried to write it in a day, which I can't do. I love the idea though and I fully intend to expand it more one day.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Driving On Down The Road and reason why Butt Fuck Nowhere is called that, and the whole of 100.000 Years, it's just so silly, but I really can picture them having that whole interaction.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Always angst, I can't help it. Paul's sensitivity and vulnerability, Gene's tough but caring.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Hold Me. No smut, just Paul in a dark place and Gene not knowing how to help, but still being there for him.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Don't feel like you need to start from the beginning. Write whatever it is that has inspired you, whether it be a scene or phrase. If you get to a bit where you want a particular thing to happen but don't know how to write it just type insert smut here or insert fight here or whatever and go on to the next bit. After you've written the stuff you're confident with it's much easier to fill in the gaps.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Here's a bittersweet head cannon about Paul and Ace for you. Neither of them will admit it, but they were close, and after Peter left they became closer. Paul didn't want Ace to leave and tried to keep him happy, even drinking with him on occasion. But he didn't want to get blackout drunk like Ace did, so it wasn't very successful. The pictures from The Elder/Creatures period, where they are holding onto each other - that's Paul silently saying don't go. But it was inevitable. And everything they have said since then comes from a place of hurt.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Because you liked Let Me Know so much, this is a follow up to it, called Far From The House And The Family Fights in which teenage Paul has a fight with his parents and runs away to Gene.

“We received a letter from school today, Stanley.”

Stanley.  That meant he was in trouble.  Even so, Paul rolled his eyes and headed towards his room.

“You are not going anywhere, young man!”

Stanley and young man.  He was in a shitload of trouble!

 “You are going to stay here and explain yourself!  You are on the verge of failing.  You haven’t done any homework and have been missing classes.  You’ve been drawing . . . penises in your schoolbooks.  And you told your teacher you didn’t need school because you are going to be a . . . rock star?”

Oops.  He hadn’t mentioned that particular ambition to his parents yet.

“What happened to you?” asked his father.  “You had so much potential.”

“God gave you this wonderful brain and you’re not using it,” said his mother.

Paul had heard this so many times before, and this time he lost it.

“Did he give me this stupid fucking ear too?  Because I’ll happily trade my brain for a real one!”

“Stanley Eisen!  Mind your language!”

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Angst! Even when I try to write something happy or funny the angst creeps in. I don't want Paul to be unhappy all the time.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Fight scenes. Arguments I can do, but when it comes to the physical stuff I struggle. While I believe these guys probably did get into punch ups occasionally, I can't really visualise them, I've only seen fights on tv and we know how realistic those are lol

[stardustlin]

toxic! miguel x toxic! reader

summary: your relationship with miguel was toxic, one where you’d feed off of each other’s energies and are bound by the confines of toxicity-leaving you trapped and hurt. are you going to blame miguel, yourself, or both?

warnings: nsfw, toxic relationship, mentions of infidelity, (don’t say i didn’t warn you if you don’t like this LMAO)

“oops!…i did it again!” your voice dripped in sarcasm with a smug expression. you’ve done it again, you played with miguel’s heart. and you couldn’t care less. you didn’t give a flying fuck. man fuck him, he’d play with yours whenever he’d give his attention to other women when you weren’t around. so, why couldn’t you do it without it being a problem? why couldn’t you find the strength in yourself to leave him? a toxic man who doesn’t care about you and is only with you because you always give in so easily.

miguel’s heart twinged in jealousy—he couldn’t let you go. he hated the fact that you could find a man—a man better than him. he didn’t want you to leave him. no, he needed you to be by his side no matter how he treated you. you were too good for him but he liked the fact you were too good for him. he needed a woman like you to be his side to compliment him—to fuck with and be pushed aside. it was an endless cycle. a toxic one and you knew it too, but you lived for the feeling of hurting him and always one upping him. you had to be better than him and hurt him better than he hurt you. “no bitch could ever be me!” you sneered at him as you pointed an accusing finger against his chest. miguel took your harsh words from one ear and disposing it with his other as he rolled his eyes at every word that came out of those plush lips of yours. he stared at those pretty brownish tinted lips of yours and how that tight dress accentuated your curves so perfectly he wanted to take you right there and then. he really didn’t care but he’d feigned. he pretend he was sorry—he’d get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. he’d grip onto your thighs looking up at you as he pretended to be fucking sorry. god was he so fucking pathetic and you loved how pathetic he looked. “please, baby, please forgive me…i-i promise to do better.” that was one instance and it had become repeated. you hated how he would pretend to be sorry but you accepted those apologies. he’d stand up on his feet and wrap you in his strong burly arms. you couldn’t lie but being wrapped in his arms made you feel wanted, and maybe loved. but, you knew it was fake.

you would go behind miguel’s back and entertain men who were probably ten times better than miguel would ever be. you did it because it gave you the satisfaction and excitement that you needed. you relished in the fact that you could hurt miguel back. yet, you still couldn’t leave miguel. you were too attached to him. you were the pathetic one because you couldn’t find the courage to pack your stuff and leave him. you knew you deserved a better man. anyone understands that it’s always hard to leave a relationship to someone you’re attached to. you were confined and bound by miguel’s mistakes.

but there was instances where miguel made you feel as if you were on top of the world. the way he’d spoil you with materialistic things and gave you the princess treatment that you’ve craved would sometimes make you forget of the bad things miguel had done. he’s take you out on dates and at the end of each date he’d bury his face in between your legs giving you mind-blowing orgasms. you loved the feeling of how he fit perfectly inside of you just the mere thought made you weak in the knees. you wondered if a man could ever make you feel as good as him. you would even think to yourself that probably the only reason you stuck by him was because of the sex. no, it was the trauma bond you shared with him. you were tied down by his invisible ropes. the cursed ropes that seemed to rope you in into miguel’s troubled life.

———

a/n: hmmm ouch….

[the-firebird69]

McClellan was assassinated July 13th and I was not him I was this general in the civil war he was a colonel yeah well he is a kid but he's pretty smart and you figured out something it's rather weird it said that Trump is earmarked on July 13th it has to do with McClellan it has to do with Mangler and it is because of what happened we believe to morat and McClellan was not him that was Peter Chasse who was stabbed and he was stabbed by Trump and yeah it was after the 1700s now it was well before it so we look at it this way he looks more like Peter who is really bad who got killed who was doing the ear marking and it was he who stabbed Peter and he looked at it and didn't post it so wondering what the hell this is now there's a bathtub with Dave dan swallowing quarters. The guy is sicker than hell and I remember him from the civil war telling me I don't know what I'm doing and to climb in there and to give him hell and it was a rebel base in West Virginia now I get what this is West Virginia is east of Appalachia and that's where these guys are and that's the headquarters and they're part of a group of Max that decided to take over and they're in the movie tombstone it looks like that might happen and they said it we're ignoring oops yay missed the toilet a little that was him my son-in-law that's terrific and they're in the movie themselves getting shot up even sick getting revived from being held in the mountain and having the mountain moved afterwards it attracted a lot of attention and our friend thinks Lilith is free but her husband is not and that would be the very large Indian sculpture that's in the Midwest and that she's having a ball. It's probably true in a compilation of all the monsters make sense she's the last in line the next level of devil's would be their children he says to exact rule and below their children's children and so on would be the demons that came before her to form her and him making them extremely powerful we have superpowers and so forth and they're not very pronounced we're kind of small from what we usually are that's my son-in-law and I and it's very extreme what you guys do and we can't do anything we're pinned down but these guys don't seem to be and we are a bit worried that you don't know what you're doing so it appears me so these creatures get out and the Midwest is closing and it looks like it's going to happen now I'm tired of being abused I'm tired of all the crap and you screwing around with him so much he sees with nothing cuz you want to threaten me can you putting him in harm's Way and he's going to become big very big I'm also tired of this stupid s*** that my clan probably is doing trying to extract him using the mountain it looks like they get up and move the mountain that's fine and you guys meet your match and his name is Damian and back Daddy had a wrestling match with him and I don't think he's around yet there's a few others there Mount Rushmore these are the guys that were harassing the Mac proper and have superpowers but the whole point of this is Mangler is the news seems to be calling the shot and seems to be the one who will murder or have someone murder Lincoln because he had someone shoot at him we feel it's the same person and it's Tommy f and Trump is flying over to say stop talking about it because he's embarrassed and humiliated and s*** like that and we hate that stupid f*** this this can only help but okay so you find the order from Mangler to have someone try and do that to him and you caught your criminal. Now these Mac proper want these devils in their possession and you're leaving the Midwest so I'm bringing it up and my son-in-law is very sharp for picking this up out of all this weird stuff going on strange people tons of distractions and living in swill

Kenneth

And my daughter is helping but she's in trouble and he's helping her and he's actually pretty amazing and he says I'm a fat and lazy and have to get off my ass and I will and I thank him too this is going to help I'll probably go to the mall and he says it'll be educational so now I'm up for it

..

Good for you you're learning how it is and wow talk about knocking your socks off

Cammilla

You don't care for the celebration but really we're in trouble already but we see what you're saying you're not doing anything except bothering him pissing them pissing him off and getting rid of our little bullies it's really stupid

Joseph Mangler

It's part of the plan but okay well it seems stupid it's not going that great it's going along though

Cane

Olympus

[benchofindigo]

Asian TV Shows Watched in 2024

And here is my 2024 list! All shows listed are ones that have completed airing.

This time I put them in sections - Thai, Japan, Korean, China, Honorable Western Media. Each section lists the shows from fav to least fav.

Thailand:

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - Is this the best written show? Nope. Does it have anything serious to say? Nope. Is it probably my new comfort show? Yep. This show is so silly and overdramatic at times but ngl SailubPon have such good chemistry that I could watch them all day doing the most whack things. And that's why it's at the top of the list.

Moonlight Chicken - Loved it! Felt so authentic. Relationships are messy at times, they don't always work out, life sometimes really really sucks and horrible things happen to good people.

Cupid's Last Wish - the acting was very well done and the pining was also chef's kiss. The ending was meh, but from my experience I'm not a fan of how most Thai BL wrap up their shows, so wasn't too bothered by it. Pleasantly surprised by how respectful some bodyswap elements were done, like the period. Did still have some annoying stuff, like Win being so much weaker in Lin's body, though they did say that Lin had some sort of sun sensitivity but it was blink and miss it compared to all the times they say Win has to be careful when in her body.

A Thousand Stars - This show did make me cry and I enjoyed it, but it got a bit too overdramatic in the last couple of episodes which is why I controversially liked it less than Cupid's Last Wish (which also was overdramatic at the end, but it didn't feel as drawn out imo). Anyways, Earth and Mix get the best GMMTV shows imo because all three of them felt more mature than the company's normal offerings and overall had solid storylines. Hopefully their adaptation of Ossan's Love continues that trend...

Manner of Death - A solid mystery show that was well acted, directed, and shot. Didn't need the full 14 episodes imo, but the ending was actually pretty solid. I do think this show would have been better as a GL - just because it was kind of frustrating to see most of the woman be victims but none of them were a main character.

My Stand In - Love the concept and was a fun watch. Need to suspend disbelief over one of the main couple falling in love with a person based on just seeing their back but it's fine it's good, don't think too hard when watching this show. Expected it to be more toxic than it was actually.

Pit Babe - a wild ride. Ngl though, didn't care for the main couple oops! AlanJeff all the way and the other side characters were what kept me engaged.

Every You Every Me - love the concept, though didn't quite stick the landing. Did cry at X & Namping's story even if it was overdramatic and the relationship didn't actually make sense for the dramatics given they knew each other for what? A month? Sian & Blue storyline was the best even with that weird art contest plotline.

Affair the Series - started off great with a messy co-dependent friendship. Didn't quite maintain my attention by the end of it. Also, for a show called Affair - there wasn't much of an affair going on - Wan and Ek were already separated (even if Ek was in denial about it). I wanted more messiness, like Wan still living with Ek and hiding the fact that she's with Pleng etc etc. Sigh. Whateves. The two actors have good chemistry.

The Trainee - Cute at places, but that ending? Why? Also would have preferred if Ba-mhee and Tae did not end up together. Ba-mhee and Judy weren't right for each other either but the concept of not ending up with someone is also a thing, hello??? Appreciated the little facts about a commercial production house.

The Secret of Us - had some good moments, but Earn annoyed me so much. So many stupid tears from that woman. I especially hated it when she was crying to Susi to get out of trouble. It felt so much like white woman tears especially considering the power dynamics and Susi being a trans woman. (in contrast TLDHLB had Wan's agent - another trans woman - rightfully storm away from Wan when he was being an asshole which is what I wanted Susi to do). Also, Earn never actually apologized to Fahlada for what she said in the past which irked me. Like she said horrible shit (even if she didn't mean it) and then in the present jumped right into trying to win Fahlada back and seemed oblivious as to why Fahlada wouldn't want to get back with her? Like read the fucking room. Anyways, best character on the show was Ingfa and she deserves her own show.

Wandee Goodday - Started good and was cute, but lost steam at the end and I lost most of my interest. Also they have Plakao and then don't really do anything with him :/ (guess I have to stick with Jdramas if I want well-rounded ace rep). A meh show.

Cooking Crush - DNF up to ep 11... it was cute at parts but never really spoke to me. Too cutesy for me maybe. The conflicts and things that happened to get characters to interact - like getting knocked out by a soccer ball of all things just made me roll my eyes.

23.5 - Had cute moments but was boring and the drama was annoying especially towards the end. Had to watch it on double speed to get through it.

Cherry Magic Thailand - Stopped watching at 4 episodes. May return to it, but I do not understand why it seems most prefer this version to the Japanese live action. It's way over-bloated with filler dialogue and the chemistry is not there imo.

Dead Friend Forever - middle episodes were good but it did not stick the landing. Way too many threads were left undone and the last episode was so rushed for no reason - like nothing happened in the previous 2-3 episodes before that. Show made me feel like I wasted my time watching and is a big reason I decided not to watch 4minutes (also can't care less about Bible so yeah lol)

Jack and Joker - disappointment of the year. What the fuck was that plot and still mad at Jennie's character's death.

Blank the Series - DNF. Forced myself to watch all of season 1 then asked myself why am I forcing myself. The younger of the main pair was sooooo annoying and I could not for the life of me understand what Neung saw in her.

Playboyy - Did not finish - got up to 12 episodes and realized they were going to make the abusive pairings end game so noped the fuck out. Read spoilers later on and yep that was what happened so glad I didn't continue watching.

Japan:

Koisenu Futari (Two People Who Can't Fall in Love) - Wait there's actually a show that portrays ace/aro people in an authentic manner and in such a positive light? And they're the main characters? What???? My heart was filled with such joy watching this show. Also, Takahashi is literally me and I love that he's a 40 year old man. Queer middle age people!!! And stuck the landing - like yes - ace/aro people can create family and relationships based on their terms not what society expects of them. You can be a family and live apart and be perfectly content ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Okay I'm good.

Cherry Magic - so adorable!!! I'm totally fine with the fact they didn't show the kiss. It was all about the hands and the hugs and everything else. Also aro representation my beloved!!!

Ossan's Love Returns - so funny and heartfelt and love seeing middle-aged gays. Also has found family dynamics too which I love to see.

Old Fashion Cupcake - older men getting together woo!!! And with the older of the two being the one to discover his sexuality- love to see it! Short and sweet.

Perfect Propose - cute though the overworking was too real 😣😣😣

Love is a Poison - Fun! Wish this show was longer so it had time to let the relationship breathe and maybe delve into some more messed up shit, but for the time constraints they have, this show did a really good job.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko - DNF after 2 episodes. This one was not for me. Didn't find it funny and leaned more towards cringy for me and then read spoilers that made me not want to continue watching so I didn't.

Korean:

Love in The Big City - beautiful. Absolutely beautiful show.

The Devil Judge - Some good fucking food. Such a smart well thought out plot and incredibly developed characters. Sunah the villain that you are 😍and of course Yohan and Gaon and their spiral of betrayal and devotion. Found family too!! Like so many beautiful, filling, morsels to gorge oneself on with this show.

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - So wholesome and fun! Last few episodes kind of tapered off but overall enjoyed this a lot. Also, made me think about some of the stuff I do and how Young Woo does them and well... hmmm... (also the fact that Young Woo was able to set boundaries for hand holding - wish younger me knew to do that, might have saved me a few tears back in the day lolll)

Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo - a solid show. I read some weird spoilers which skewed my idea of what the show would be and it ended up not being that so was a bit confused watching it but upon reflection the show does what it sets out to do and has the right emotional beats. Some plot threads are not the most neatly resolved but overall a good watch.

China:

Meet You At The Blossom - Another fun show! Xiobao has like sub zero braincells but he gets what he wants at the end so he's doing something right!

Honorable Western Media Mentions:

We Are Lady Parts - Amazing Showstopping Spectacular! Go watch - season 2 is better than season 1 and season 1 was already amazing!!!

Run The Burbs - Cute, funny, wholesome.

[kozykricket]

yknow maybei ll write more about this in a big vent post (oops, this post ITSELF turned into the big vent post.

honestly i feel like im having a sort of Creativity Crisis

like. ehngv theres so many things to make but i also just. cant be bothered. and. for some things, it seems they've been done before for other things? they havent been done but they're very daunting and. overwhelm me and... i should probably just like, actually plan things out.. and not scope things so high i really wanna be able to say "heres a clean nice youtube video i have where i explain the concept behind what i think pokemon swsh had going for it and how i'd take some of its existing elements, change a few themes, and make it awesom!!"

i want to... make tons of cool builds in minecraft and terraria i want to.. make mods for minecraft! that do subtle lil things.. and tweak lots of aspects of the game! or maybe even sometimes big things! i. want to. but i also, really dont . because theres just so much

i think im just... really scared that i wont be able to ever get all of or even any of my best ideas out there in the world, and. im also desperate to try and prove that im not just an ideas person. that i am someone who can create things and i mean i LIKE creating things! i LIKE the trial and error process! i like... when i get really into something, and have to try and like. troubleshoot what problems may arise but sometimes theres certain types of troubles where they just push me away because im uncomfortable about having to learn how to deal with them and. shit. i dunno. woe is me i guess. despite this id like to clarify im in a p decent mood overall, i certainly havent had a bad day. its really just uh, past midnight thoughts that have suddenly happened. i had a nice day.

but GOD i . i want ot be someone do soemthing and . yet im so convinced that im someone who just WONT. whos just a little whiny person who wont be able to do anything because... im just unmotivasted or whatever and. im also just , genuinely like. i find it almost hard to care sometimes. about the things that i know i desire. because i just Cannot be Bothered. ill just wait until someone else makes the thing... or ill just, write it down as an idea and itll forever be a WIP i want to build stuff in terraria and minecraft at the VERY least right now and like. i have ideas for both of them. but GOD it just. seems... so.. i dont CARE. they're cool Little Ideas but i donT CAREEee waaah whatever its like 3am rn my mind is . not worth listening to