#and she's super considerate and nice

[hamcheesesammich]

there's lots of short videos and posts that slander english teachers (at least that i see) but i just don't understand them. my english teacher is literally like a god she's my favourite teacher (probably ever) and my one from last year is a close second.

idk about anybody else but the english teachers at my school are so amazing and kind and i just can't get over how nice they are.

maybe i'm a teachers pet, maybe i only see the good sides of them, but i swear to god the moment i get a genuinely bad english teacher i will know that the world has finally ended.

[magic-coffee]

Kitty left :(

[t-u-i-t-c]

Shinobi 24: It's Summer! The Chilling Arrival of Western Yokai!

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

lightning strike | h. iwaizumi

✮ tags ; afab + gn!reader, recently established relationship, mutual pining, pwp, dry humping + making out, nipple play, implied raw sex, super love-dovey, deliberate name change from iwaizumi to hajime 18+

✮ wc ; 4k (???????)

✮ a/n ; something deeply frightening happened to me in writing this but whatever. made it with ten minutes to spare happy bday mr iwaizumi

pls be nice if characterization is everywhere its been a while

He’s nervous.  

So nervous. 

You laugh at him over a can of beer, even harder when he visibly flinches at the sound. The room is too quiet since all of your company has left for the evening. Iwaizumi is tipsy but not drunk - though you think if he has another can he’ll get there just fine.  

“Your face is gonna get stuck if you keep frowning.”  

He shoots you a glare that makes your lips quirk up. “Shut up. You sound like my Ma.”  

“How is she by the way? Still good?”  

Iwaizumi snorts and takes a long sip of his beer. He tilts his head back against the couch, arm stretched along the seats. His muscles pull taut underneath the skintight material of his turtleneck. You find yourself sitting on your hands to calm down, but you’re too unfocused for it too work.  

“She’s good. She likes the countryside. Been growing squash and tomatoes and everything. Gonna try and stay with her a bit during off-season,” His voice is wistful and affectionate. An only son, filial and polite - you smile at him lovingly. “You should come visit with me.”  

You raise an eyebrow. “Oh? Guess it’s the same since we’ve already met but since we’re going steady I though you might be too nervous.”  

The realization settles in too late. Just when you thought he’d swallow the nerves down, they make an appearance once again. He sits up straight, clearing his throat, diverting his gaze to the coffee table separating you both. A blush spreads up, all through his body. His ears turn especially turn some shade of cherry red. Dusts all along his nose. He tsks at you, tongue clicking with a familiar petulance. You bite back a laugh.  

“Going steady? Seriously?”  

“Well,” Your face twists in mischief as you look up at him, your eyes locking briefly. “You’d get all hissy if I called us lovers.”  

His eyes go wide - in equal parts shock and mild disgust. You can’t hold the laugh back that time time no matter how hard you try. It bubbles up out of you, euphoric and hysterical. Your laughter is too loud to savor his displeasure, so caught up in it that it takes you a few minutes to calm down again,  

“I hate you,” Iwaizumi mumbles. A grin splits your face. 

“No, you don’t.”  

He frowns and his blush darkens just a touch  

The room goes quiet save for the sound of your heartbeat. You try and collect yourself. The house feels too quiet, all prior company absen. Not that Mattsun and Maki dragged out Oikawa to be considerate of your newfound love or anything. You’re sure you’ve already gotten a long text detailing your extortion related to the favor. Still, you’re glad to be alone with him.  

It’s easy to split your time between all of them separately when you’re all in the same place - but complicated to be all together. And alone time with Iwaizumi has always been hard to come by.  

You’ve been pining for him since highschool - the frequency you wish to see him tuned tuned by the passing years of your relationship and feelings. You’ve gone through the whole spectrum of desires. From wanting to see him everyday constantly, to hoping you’d never have to see him again. It took you well over a decade to make any progress, and the entire process (while surely heartfelt) has been unmistakably clumsy and so, so long.  

Spending alone time with Iwaizumi has thus always been complicated except for this one time. You got together, officially, just last week. The day he came home, where you incidentally found yourselves alone together. Something that’d been rare years prior due to said pining and trying to get over him. You don’t even really know how it happened. It felt like the most significant moment in your life thus far and incomparably anticlimatic at once. He was just sending you home since you’d got completely shitfaced, and before you left you grabbed him by the collar and announced it. Just like that.  

(You threw up half-way through the car ride back. Your Uber was nice enough to pull over so you didn’t do it in his car.) 

You went home after and didn’t speak for days. It took a few more days for either of you to work up the courage to sort things out forreal, but you made it work with the help of even more alcohol.  

Things get busy though, when Oikawa returns home and Hajime is off-season. It’s rare things line up, and when they do - it’s only natural you spend all your time together. You did today too, celebrating Iwaizumi’s birthday among the four of you with take-out and Godzilla movies on your nice flatscreen.  

But you haven’t been alone with each other since your chat establishing your relationship as not a pipe-dream, which was notably through text.  

He’s nervous, so incredibly nervous but so are you. Just a little.  

You look up after being lost in thought - to see Iwaizumi stare at you. The air shifts slow and steady, thick tension stirring in your gut. You bite the inside of your cheek, rubbing your feet together as you fold over yourself, chin resting on your knee. 

You wonder if you should be the one to break the distance. Iwaizumi beats you to the punch this time. You suppose you’re even.  

“Come ‘ere.”  

He pushes the coffee table farther away from him with ease, careful not to knock anything over. Your tipsy self swoons over his competence, but you’re sure you’d do the same sober.  

The look he gives you as you crawl over to him makes you feel bashful. You go over until you’re sitting side by side - stretching your legs out. Your thighs barely touches. Iwaizumi jolts, swiping a hand over his face in exasperation.  

“Sorry,”  

You shake your head. “It’s okay.” Because it is, then just to make sure. “Are we okay?”  

“More than okay,” He admits, a breath of relief following the words. “It was a good birthday, by the way. Thank you.”  

“They’ll get upset that you only thanked me,”  

He bristles immediately making you giggle. “I’ll thank those knuckleheads later.” 

You smile at him, wide and bright. He looks at you before quickly looking away, laughing a little humorlessly to himself. You wonder what he’s thinking about but decide against asking, comfortable letting him go at whatever speed.  

“Can I uh—“ He clears his throat. “Wanna kiss you. Just uhh… shit.”  

You’d love to tease him, but you feel like your heart might explode out of your body so there’s not really much room. Nodding, you sit up on your knees and turn a little to face him. His features soften with remarkable fondness. You flush at the sudden attention. He sits up straighter, turning his head to face you. His forehead knocks against yours softly, noses brushes. His eyes are so sharp. You have to close your own when you feel him leaning in to kiss you.  

Iwaizumi is warm. His lips are softer than you thought they’d be. His hands feel big as one snakes up to cup your neck. He gives you one deep kiss, followed by two pecks before pulling away to make you chase him. He rewards you by kissing you agai. The sudden pressure makes your head spin.  

You pull away dazed. “You’re… super good at kissing.”  

“Yeah?”  

You press your thighs together at his reply. So sexy it’s unfair. “Uh-huh.”  

He gives you a weighted hum. 

His reaction spurs you on then. You pull away from him momentarily. Iwaizumi stares at you in reply, worry making his brow furrow. Before he can get the words out, you seat yourself on his lap. He’s taken aback as he realizes your intent, your arms around his neck. It’s not even really the alcohol, as much as it’s everything else. Cramped in your living room together, pressed up against your couch. You bury your face in the crook of his neck, and shiver in his arms smelling his cologne. Spicy with a hint of pine. He hesitates, hands settling so carefully on your hips.  

He lets you stay like that undisturbed until you’re ready to pull away. Like he senses you needed that. He’s always been so good at knowing what exactly you need. Suddenly restless you decide you need to look at him again - make sure he’s real. That this is real.  

“Hey,” He mutters. His pitch is low, sends your heart hammering.  

You giggle, fluttering nervously. “Hi,” And then, “You like me,”  

“Pfft,” His voice is so tender, so soft, so comforting. “More than that.”  

Suddenly overwhelmed by your own giddiness, you squeak. You want to bury yourself in his shoulder again, but he’s quick to hold your wrist and stop you. He pins you under his gaze. It’s so intense you can’t help but feel like a deer caught in headlights. Your head is empty and all he’s doing is looking at you.  

But maybe that’s the whole problem. He’s looking at you, and you’ve wanted that for more than a decade. Now having it is too much, too suddenly - and you’re almost afraid of having it. It’s just a gaze, but it’s yours. He’s telling he’s yours in a way that’s just like him.  

“You…” He starts on something before letting you go. “For a long time,”  

He doesn’t need to explain. You already know.  

“Me too,” 

He calms down when you get it..  

“Really?” He follows up. He doesn’t look at you as he goes on. “How long?”  

You think on it.  

“Since we were fifteen?”  

“Same as me, then.” He’s clumsy with the follow-up. “That’s…”  

“Dumb? Ridiculous? Too long?” You say, filling in the words for him. “I know.”  

The extent of your own longing comes to you in waves. Love, like the sea trapped behind ice - so easily shattered. You’re drowning, your lungs aching trying to get adjusted to what is finally yours. The shock of it comes and goes, but you’re surrounded by it all the same. Iwaizumi stares at you and you stare back and nothing in the world exists except this desire you’ve kept to yourself for years.  

His name comes out like a whimper on your lips. “Iwaizumi,”  

“Hajime,” He corrects, so tender. So sweet to you. “Please,”  

“Hajime,” You test the name out on your tongue. It’s sweet.  

He doesn’t say anything after that.  

Your breath hitches as Hajime crowds into your space again. His hands are firm on your hips as he kisses you again. It’s different from before, lingers longer - his tongue pressing along the seam of your lips until you open them and allow him in deeper.The taste of alcohol is clearer on your tongue, bitter remnants of malt making you drool at the corners of your mouth. You kiss hungrily, your hands carding through the short, black hair with a longing sigh. Hajime groans a little when you tug at the root and the only thing you can think to do is try to sink into him further. .  

The hear raises without warning. Your skin under your clothes feels like it’s on fire. It feels different too suddenly for you to adjust and keep completely calm. Lust that borders cosmic engraves into your bones. Crumbling under the weight of it, you kiss Hajime like your life would end without it. In the moment, it feels like it would. Exchanged breaths are the only source of air for that space and time. You feel frantic, hazy - and Hajime who you know to be so steady, proves to be in the same place as you. 

His hands are so big. You can feel how tight he grabs you, his thumb pressing into your hipbones - itching to go lower. You don’t want to pull away but you want more. In the second you take a breath you tell him as much. Your own delirium might bring you shame if you were in any place to really feel it. “You can touch me. However you want.”  

“Fuck. Don’t say that.”  

“Hajime, please.”  

You mutter something but you don’t catch what it really. Your head is swimming with unrepentant ardor and your tongue feels too heavy for your mouth. Hajime kisses you again and takes the lead. The pleasure echoes in how you sigh, your hips rutting against his lap as his hands squeeze your ass. His hands are so fucking big - strong and kind and hold you with no uncertainty. The groping goes straight to your cunt, stomach starting to twist with familiar arousal. You push your hips against him again.  

You’re hardly thinking about it. Hardly thinking at all - no coherency or sense thrumming through your brain except his name. Hajime, Hajime, Hajime. An incantation of destiny. A love song.  

You feel his fingers inch up to go underneath your shirt - all of a sudden feeling burdened by all the layers between you. You can’t calm down. 

He pulls away from you first in that instance. Before you can ask, he nudges himself close to your neck, kissing along your jaw. You feel the fabric of your shirt tug. “Can I take this off?”  

You nod rapidly, then mimic him wanting him to do the same. His laugh is raspy in the follow through - your shirt and bra discarded somewhere on the floor. He stops suddenly, flicking his gaze up to you like he’s asking permission again. You just nod, not knowing how else to convey your desires.  

Your nipples pebble in response to the arousal and cool air. Hajime’s tongue flicks from his lips.  

His gaze makes you feel ticklish. He runs his palms over your tits with an appreciative noise. His eyes linger long enough to make your skin go hot all over, your spine prickling with heat.  

“Staring,”  

He looks up at your face, amused by your pout then kisses you as he feels you up, calloused palms brushing against your nipples, tits fitting perfectly in his hands. He smiles a little against your mouth. “Guess I am.”  

“Take yours off,” You plea. 

He obliges you, peeling the tight shirt away from his body and leaving his bare torso in full view. The proximity makes your lungs tighten like they can’t get enough air - heat radiating from his skin. His physique is toned, layers of muscle soft and comfortable He’s structured and gorgeous like a statue. You’re greeted by his broad chest and the corded muscles of his biceps. All sinew and strength, down his core. Strong and stable and big everywhere you could possibly look. You feel awestruck, mouth-watering at the sight - clit throbbing. Objectively attractive, you’re sure anyone in your place would feel the same. But this is your Hajime and the body he’s worked so hard on, full grown and yours. The trail of hairs down his stomach, getting coarse. The v-line of his waist makes you clench. 

 Too much.  

 The words tumble out of you before you can stop them, like water spilling from a broken dam. “I want you to fuck me so bad,”  

His brows raise. You can feel something twitch hard against your clothed pussy. At full mast underneath the confines of his pants. \Your eyes go wet when you realize what it is. Mind sticky, you draw your lips into a pout and silent protest. Despite your desperation, you almost want to say it again, pleasure thrumming through your body at his reaction. It feels like electricity sparking up from the base of your spine all the way to the top of your head. 

 Hajime presses his face to your neck all over again - hot, open mouth kisses trailing from jaw to chest. You gasp when his mouth closes around your tits, tongue laving over the tender skin and making your back arch.  

“Wanna fuck you so bad,” He mirrors. His voice is scratchy and his grip is tight. “Been wanting to fuck you so bad for so long, you have no idea.”  

There’s something true and well pathetic about the yearning that wells up inside of your gut and settles itself in your sternum. It spreads and grows and tangles in your ribs, curls around the vessels of your heartbeat. The kind of yearning that makes your whole being tremble, makes you want to preen and sing like a canary. It’d be good if time stood still so he could fuck you infintely - never being able to go where you can’t reach.  

You rock against him and Hajime holds you steady like always. His voice drops down to murmur - speaking with alarming clarity. You’re teary from the sound of his voice.  

“Let’s cum together,” He offers as reprieve, so sweet despite the harsh grip on your hips as he draws your weight down closer to him. You’re suddenly conscious of your choice in clothes - how thin the fabric of your shorts really as as the rough outline of his cock presses against the seam. You’re glad you didn’t wear underwear “And then I’ll make you cum again. I’ll take care of you,”  

“You always take care of me,” You say with no awareness of your surroundings. He laughs breathlessly. ‘ 

“Yeah..since it’s you, it’s easy.”  

You go wide-eyed but don’t get a minute to dissect. Not bothering to unbutton his jeans, you gape at the hard outline of his cock confined in black boxers. his  He picks you up with ease, your legs wrapping around his waist as your spine touches the carpet of your living room floor. You make a surprised noise as you’re let down gently. He doesn’t unfurl you from him. You spark back to life as his lips meet yours again chastely. The complaint you had dies on your lips when he trails down your jaw again. His voice is next to your ear, sinfully rough - warm breath tickling your skin. His teeth tug on your ear lobe and you shiver.  

“Tell me if it’s too much,”  

You don’t get a chance to ask about it.  

The sudden motion of his hard cock rutting and humping against your sticky, wet cunt punches the air of out of your lungs.  

There’s only a single layer of wet fabric keeping him from fucking you.  The very idea makes your pussy throb unhelpfully. You understand all of a sudden that this was what he meant about wanting to make you cum. But it’s Hajime, your Hajime - so making you do any work wouldn’t cut it. Humping you in missionary of all things like he’s already inside you.  

The thought overwhelms and you gasp.  

You don’t recognize the sound of your own voice, so high and pitchy with need. Pure pornography. But there’s no camera for you perform for, nothing but Hajime above with with a heavy gaze. Your spine arches at the sensation once it hits its stride, the angle of friction just right. The indirect touches makes your core throb. Your clit has been achingly sensitive for so long, and the release of tension in a single thrust is enough to make you shudder each time. It feels like you’ve been holding the feeling in your entire life. You wheeze his name out brokenly as he does it again - a sharp thrust, precise enough to be perfect like he already knows you that well.  

Your lower body feels week as the arousal starts to climb to a steady chorus. You pant for him like a bitch in heat.  

He’s not inside you but the smack of his hips against yours makes you feel like you’re getting fucked anyways. You imagine how it’ll feel when he really fucks you and can’t see straight after the fact. Each little movement spreads precum along your shorts, already wet with your own arousal. The friction of the damp fabric makes you cry out from pleasure,  animalistic with need. Your nails dig into his biceps as he kisses you all over, wherever he can possible reach. Along your neck, shoulders, collarbones chest. Any place he has accsess.  

You want him so fucking deep it’s frustrating, want him up to your throat - but the lack of direct touch makes you want him more desperately. And it makes it feel so, so good. The kind of pleasure that’s dull and throbbing but makes something in your spine go alight, like shoving your thumb into a bruise. You want Hajime to press himself into you hard enough to make the healed dull yellows vibrant purple and red all over again.  

You gasp helplessly each time he rocks his hips into you. He’s whispering such filth against your ear, into your mouth each time you kiss and you can’t reply with anything but his name. He praises you each time anyway, goads you into saying it again. Again and again and again until you can’t find your own voice.  

“Say it again,” Hoarse, punctuated by another thrust that nearly drives you over the edge and makes your eyes go wide. “Say my name again, baby”  

“Hajime.” So you say it- can’t think of any substitute since you’re not sure god would suffice. Locked between you in the warm sticky air is just Hajime, all yours.  

Every muscle in your body starts to lock up as you hit the final stride to your orgasm. You want to cum so badly for him and only him. All over his cock in any way he’ll light you. The thought pushes you over the edge. Over and over and over until you hang over the precipice of your own orgasm. When it hits, it hits like a crash of thunder on open plain. Like suddenly everything in you that’s every been grounded in Earth is scattered with sparks, skating and careening across your body. You feel him in the fiber of your being. Your toes curl at the sudden release, not able to voice a warning that isn’t just a soft gargle in the back of your throat. He doesn’t stop or stutter in his motion, instead gripping your hips tight as he can while lets you run through your high - nothing but praise and affection.  

You can feel him more than you can see him cum along with you. Sticky, hot seed flowing in spurts as his dick twitches for you - his ragged breathing covering your skin in goosebumps. You moan at the warm sensation drenching your poor, covered pussy and find the load to be wasted though you feel contented anyway. 

 You’re barely sane enough to catch your breath, but he eventually lets you down - though you can’t keep from hugging him. You pull back to look at each other.  

You brush the sweat matted hair away from his forehead with a lovesick sigh and giggle. He looks down at you with a grin, pressing his forehead to yours with.  

“Can’t believe I came in my pants like a teenager,” He says through a laugh.  

“It’s like making up for lost time,” You say warmly, all floaty. “Plus, the way you were fucking me but not fucking me…definitely a man. It was really hot, you know?”  

He groans. “I’ll get riled up again.”  

You smile at him. “Let’s fuck lots for your birthday, Hajime.”  

“Is that the present you mentioned earlier?”  

You pretend to think on it. “Mm..no. Not just the sex, anyway.” 

He looks at you confused as you lean in closer to him. “It’s safe so there’s no condoms anywhere in this apartment, unless you wanna go stop to get some.”  

He gives you a blown out look of lust with a soft breath, voice bordering a growl. “As if I’d make it through the door now.”  

You laugh helplessly happy and kiss him. “Happy birthday.” And then a little quieter. “I love you.”  

He softens visibly but doesn’t say anything else. You don’t need to hear him to know.  

You think the spare copy of your keys might make him cry. So you decide you’ll give it to him later. 

 The clock hasn’t hit midnight yet, anyhow. You have plenty of time.  

Now and always.  

[yoakenouta]

ㅤㅤBA-DUMP.

ㅤㅤBefore realizing it, she found herself turning her head away from Daisuke as an unfamiliar feeling thrummed in her chest. Although this wasn't the first time she found her heart warmed by Daisuke's sincerity, there was something about the way he put his words that made her feel a bit ... strange. Especially that last bit ( what was it about his smile that made the feeling all the more worse ? ).

ㅤㅤKate had fallen silent as she struggled to form her next response, trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. Her uncertainty alone was more than enough for her soot to begin emanating. " ... You say things like that too easily. " She muttered, trying to mask her embarrassment. " ... Kate was simply entertaining the thought. It's difficult for to imagine who Kate could possibly fall for at a time like this so perhaps it's a bit redundant to think about such a thing while it's so far-off in the future. " Perhaps the best course of action here was to shift the focus back onto Daisuke. She frantically tapped her finger against the armrest of her chair, desperately thinking of topics to move onto. Right. Daisuke's first love.

ㅤㅤ" ... Speaking of which, Kate is curious about what your first love was like. If you're comfortable sharing with Kate, of course. "

ㅤㅤ

he nods , and yet having heard a laugh like that , and he can't help but wonder if kate was messing around with him the same way dark always did . whatever the case , he wanted to at least believe the offer was sincere --- and didn't it still fill him with a warm sort of wonder ? happy , yes , happy ; he was already so happy to have even one person to speak with and confide in , even if they did belong to another world and their story would have sounded like nothing more than an absurd figment of his imagination .

surely his own existence would have been the same for kate , no ? one always existed for as long as proof of their heart was there --- even as a ghost in his own body , he had clung to this belief to keep himself from ever disappearing . yet he still can't help but wonder himself --- for someone like kate , would words like those held any meaning ?

' the normal world ... ' he frowns a little at the sound of it . ' it's true that most ordinary humans might be afraid or wary of you ... and depending on what you wanted , some things might or might not end up happening . but , if it's like you said , then you'd still be able to be with someone who could fully accept you , right ? ' his head lifts , and his frown turns itself over into a small , gentle smile . ' if you ask me , kate-san has lots of redeeming qualities too . ones that anyone could easily fall in love with if they got to know you . so ... maybe , somehow , even if you did fall in love , that same person would fall in love with you too . ' happily ever after --- the phrase inevitably comes to mind .

[ilydeku]

izuku is SO OBLIVIOUS

- COMPLETELY UNAWARE of the affect he has on you

- the way he gazes at you when you speak, those glowing emerald eyes so deep, so intense that you can't help but look away, getting all shy and tripping over yourself, overwhelmed by his undivided attention (it always makes you worry that there might be something on your face)

- that pretty smile of his that captivates you, so much so that when it dissipates into a lowered frown, the feeling resonates (IT MAKES YOU GIGGLE N KICK YOUR FEET WHEN THE SMILE IS ESPECIALLY TOWARD YOUU)

- and just his overall character and personality

- izuku's the sweetest guy you've ever met—caring, considerate, selfless, sympathetic

- he's observant, noticing, and he knows exactly what to say when you're discouraged or upset (pretty ironic how he doesn't notice your feelings)

- not only that, he's super admirable—he's an ambitious one, working hard for his goal to be a pro hero, with perserverence and commitment

- this guy has you in a chokehold

- and what better way to show a bit of your love than giving him gifts?

- on holidays, you take your time and consideration to write him a letter from the heart, along with organizing a thoughtful gift bag of something you made for him, bought, or both—valentine's, christmas, his birthday

- and you always send one of his friends to give it to him, it saves you the embarrassment

"Hey, Midoriya!! Here, it's from y/n!"

"For me? Tell her I said thank you!..But, why didn't she give it to me herself?"

- HM I WONDER WHY (they're discreetly aware of your feelings it's kind of obvious with the way you act around him and the gift giving only confirms it)

- of course they tease him about it and stuff, but he always sees it as you being nice

- so when you finally muster up the courage to confess your heartfelt feelings for him on the last day of your 4th year, he's absolutely stunned

"Wait...really!? You like me? As in you see me as something more than-? As in a boy..friend that goes on dates and stuff!?"

- YES

- he thinks he's just an average guy, a huge nerd with a dream

- LIKE NO YOU'RE NOT??

- you having feelings for him will never cross his mind so it'll come as a GREAT surprise to him

- izuku will be absolutley and utterly clueless

[twistedteatime]

Super Soldier Theater: Jurassic Park

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, Stucky x Reader. It's not specific. No pronouns assigned to Reader past "you".

Summary: Bucky Barnes missed out on a lot while being controlled by HYDRA. Steve Rogers missed out on even more being frozen in ice. Since Sam has made it his mission to update them on music, you decide that it's your job to update them on what they've missed out on in cinema.

Chapter Summary: You begin their education with Jurassic Park and they quickly develop opinions regarding the stupidity of cloning dinosaurs, John Hammond, who should be eaten or not, and dinosaur rights.

Word Count: 6.1K

Warnings: Mild Language (Steve will deal), Jurassic Park-Canon Violence (both movie and book are mentioned, if you've seen the movie itself you know what to expect as far as that goes). Bucky is grumpy. He and Steve share opinions on John Hammond's effectiveness as a grandpa. Wishing People Get Eaten By Dinosaurs.

A/N: This was both fun and a bit of a challenge to write. I couldn't find my copy of Jurassic Park anywhere so had to rely on YouTube clips and the wiki for scene order since it isn't streaming anywhere right now that I have a subscription to. I have seen the movie countless times but my memory can get scenes out of order without direct help. I may eventually go back and tweak this one at a later date.

Ao3 Link: Super Soldier Theater: Jurassic Park

Series Masterlist🍿MASTER Masterlist

Next Movie: Jaws

It was movie night. You, Bucky, and Steve had movie nights usually once or twice a week. Really it was whenever you decided that unwinding with some snacks sounded like fun.

You knew very well that your two favorite super soldiers were men out of place in your time and very fond of the music and movies of their own. You respected that and you understood fully well what it meant to them. Still, you couldn’t take seeing them go around completely clueless when it came to modern references from movies they’d never seen anymore.

They had missed out on so much. It was going to take time to catch them up, but it had to be done. One way or another.

Sam had been painstakingly updating them on music. He had his own methods for doing so. He broke them in slowly with things similar to what they knew.

You had no plans of doing that whatsoever. Not that you were going to throw something completely new at them. Not Avatar or something. No.

You decided to start with Jurassic Park.

It was a classic. One you were excited to see their reaction to. Even if Bucky grumbled at first.

“I thought we were watching something else tonight.” He said as you led both him and Steve into your living room set up with everything you’d need.

All their favorite snacks, yours, pillows, and the usual for your movie nights. You just smiled in response and nudged both him and Steve into their seats before taking your usual spot. Right between them nice, snug, and cozy.

“No. You two need to get up to speed with movies. Jurassic Park is great.” You said and Steve thought for a moment.

“Isn’t that the one with the dinosaur park and the raptor guy?”

You shook your head while handing him his bowl of popcorn then Bucky his Cracker Jack box, “No. That’s Jurassic World. Same franchise but it’s a sequel of Jurassic Park. The…fourth movie. Jurassic Park is the first one that started it all. It’s different from the book, considerably, but it’s still good despite that.”

“Fine.” Bucky sighed and sat back putting his feet up alongside yours which were alongside Steve’s then looked at Alpine as she hopped up onto the back of the couch and meowed, “Jurassic Park.”

She moved a bit along the back until she reached a spot where she could tuck her paws under herself and assume her little powdered sugarloaf form. It always amused you how she would pick a spot where she could watch the tv with you. As sassy as she could be she was still much more open to watching whatever was put on than either of them could be at any given moment.

“Alright. You’re allowed to ask questions and talk, but if I tell you to wait until later, just wait. Okay?” you asked and they both nodded, relaxing into their seats on either side of you as you hit play.

You made sure to keep the volume loud enough for you to hear yet not too loud for their more sensitive hearing. Especially as you knew what was coming having seen it so many times. You expected countless questions and comments from both of them and it didn’t take long for the first to come.

You were far from surprised that it didn’t take long for one of them to say something. It was also absolutely no surprise to you that it was Bucky. At all.

“Okay, so…they’re going to fight a dinosaur with cattle prods and one…what is that? A Franchi SPAS-12?” he asked, gesturing at the tv with his vibranium hand as you hit pause and looked at him, eyebrow raised, “A twelve-gauge? Really? A dinosaur? Those things jam like hell and you’re gonna take down a T-Rex with it? Yeah. Sure.”

Steve looked at him, “Bucky! Shh!”

“Just watch!” you said, trying not to laugh before hitting play again and watched them both tilt their head at the crate being hauled in.

Alpine’s ears twitched at the sounds of the raptor inside the crate, tail flicking as she looked at the tv with them. You could already see Bucky wasn’t a fan of the whole loading process, it likely being an uncomfortable reminder of things with HYDRA and his capture and reactivation by Zemo. Steve caught it too and glanced at him as you pat the ex-assassin’s leg.

He gave you a small smile and a nod before looking at the guy on top of the crate lifting the gate. You knew what was coming and paused it again. He just shook his head and pointed.

This was going to be a long movie.

“So they can create dinosaurs but they can’t have a machine load the crate and lift the door?” he asked and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, that’s just…that’s asking for it. I mean…not safe. It’s not even secured.” He agreed and you nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, they explain things in the book about certain…other things that happen…you know what just watch.” You started before waving your hands and hitting play again.

Both of them just shook their heads as the worker was knocked off the crate and the raptor inside started dragging him in. Bucky was definitely rooting for the dinosaur when you glanced at him and glancing at Steve you were fairly sure he was, too. Still, he was obviously more torn about it than Bucky was.

“That could have been completely avoided if they had secured the crate.” He said, shaking his head while his blue eyes were still locked on the screen, and Bucky nodded as the shots rang out and the screen faded to black.

“Or if they just didn’t make dinosaurs and put them in a crate then electroshocked them with cattle prods…”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded and they watched as the scene changed to the introduction of Gennaro on the raft.

In a suit. In the jungle. At a mine.

“Lawyer.” Steve said with a gesture before eating a bite of popcorn he then choked on, “Twenty-million-dollar lawsuit?!”

“They deserve it.” Bucky said and ate a bite from his own box, “Shh.”

You just shook your head and chuckled as they both reacted the same way to Gennaro complaining that the investors were questioning the safety of the park: two dry scoffs that simultaneously said “No shit” without actually saying the words.

“Hammond hates inspections…that just screams responsible employer…” Steve said with a dry sigh shaking his head.

“You know damn well they’re doing this in Costa Rica to avoid labor laws or something.” Bucky added, eating another bite of his Cracker Jacks and you nodded.

“You’re not entirely wrong, but it’s not working out so well is it?” you asked and they both shook their heads.

“No. What’s in that thing?” Steve asked as he looked at the screen and the piece of amber being zoomed in on.

“A mosquito. Why the mosquito?” Bucky answered then asked and you just gestured at the screen, “Now we’re in Montana. Why?”

“Just watch.” You said quietly, shaking your head.

“I hate computers.” Alan Grant sighed on the screen a few moments later and Steve nodded.

“Sounds like Bucky.” He said and chuckled as a caramel coated piece of popcorn pelted him in the head.

“I can use ‘em better than you!”

“Oi! Stop throwin’ food!” you scolded, scowling at Bucky which made Steve smile triumphantly until you scowled at him, too, “You behave yourself, too. Watch the movie.”

Steve only doubled down on his opinion as Doctor Grant explained to the boy what a pack of velociraptors would do to him. You couldn’t exactly disagree. Neither could Bucky.

“Yeah, I’d do that.”

“So that means Steve is Ellie.” You said and Bucky nodded while watching as she scolded Grant.

“Yeah.” He nodded and Steve couldn’t exactly disagree.

“I’d probably be doing that, yeah…” He agreed then shook his head at the helicopter landing and the introduction of John Hammond, “Well he’s rude and…”

“Creepy. No one should be that happy.” Bucky said, “’Specially with a twenty-million-dollar lawsuit because your mistreated dinosaur ate your underpaid worker. He’s rude and I don’t like him.”

“You’ll love him even more later…” you thought to yourself while just nodding in response to the two as you continued to watch the scene.

 Bucky and Steve both watched as Hammond talked to the two scientists. They watched as Hammond explained what he needed, glossing over everything that it really meant, or why he needed them there to sign off on the park, before bribing the two to agree to go. It wasn’t a surprised that the two men on either side of you only reaffirmed their initial opinions on the character.

“I don’t like him.” Bucky said, shaking his head and Steve shook his.

“No. No one should smile like that after something they made and locked in an obviously ineffective containment cage ate someone else like that.” he said and ate another bite of popcorn, narrowing his eyes as the scene shifted to the meeting between Nedry and Dodgson, “That…can…”

“Hm?” you asked blinking at him and Bucky as he narrowed his eyes at the screen as well, “What about it?”

“That’s something HYDRA would do…but…they’d try to make them into weapons.” Bucky said and you nodded, knowing fully well he was right.

“Yeah.” Steve agreed, “Why’s that guy want them?”

“Corporate Espionage. They explain Dodgson’s role and company better in the book. Biosyn, his company, their whole schtick is reverse engineering the work other companies do to make money. The book has a whole…moral undertone about the ethics of bioengineering, what rights cloned creations have, and everything more than the movie has.” You explained and they nodded before watching as Ian Malcolm was introduced and Steve gestured at the screen.

“Mmh!” he excitedly mumbled, mouth full of popcorn.

You paused it so he wouldn’t choke, “Chew, swallow, then talk.”

He nodded before speaking once he was done, “That’s the guy. The life guy.”

“The life guy?” Bucky asked with a perplexed look on his face and Steve nodded.

“Y’know. The…the life finds a way guy.”

“OH!” Bucky nodded and looked at Malcolm, “Yeah. You’re right. So this’s where he’s from. Huh.”

“He reminds me of Tony.” Steve commented while eating another bite of popcorn and you paused while thinking.

“Mmm…on rockstar vibe levels…yes. Intelligence levels…I wouldn’t really know if I could say yes to that. Other levels no. Absolutely no. Ian Malcolm would have been telling Tony several thousand shades of “No” and “Stop” and “You’re an idiot” during the whole…Ultron thing.�� You replied and they looked at you, “Just watch you’ll see.”

“Y’know…for a dinosaur movie…there’s a lack of dinosaurs…” Bucky commented a few seconds later.

You just chuckled, smirking at his timing as the characters were driven on the jeeps and Ellie talked about the plant life. You knew what was coming and it was worth it as the movie’s iconic score began playing and first sighting of the Brachiosaurus and they saw their first dinosaur on the screen.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

Their faces mimicked the faces of Grant and Sattler on the screen. Eyes wide and mouths agape. Then the Brachiosaurus fed from the tree, causing it to move its branches. That only made them stare more, heads cocked to the sides at the same time as they tried to figure out how it was done.

Then it got even better when Gennaro the lawyer spoke.

“We’re gonna make a fortune with this place…”

“There’s a magnificent, beautiful dinosaur and the first thing you think of is making money?!” Steve asked the screen and you burst out laughing again, especially as Bucky gestured at the screen nodding and looking at you.

“There’s a dinosaur.”

“I know.” You nodded, trying not to laugh as he continued while gesturing at the screen and still shot of the dinosaur on it since you paused.

“It’s…so majestic and he just…is he gonna put it in a cage?” Bucky asked and scowled at the screen, “I hope he gets eaten.”

“Does he get eaten?” Steve asked with a similar scowl and you bit your tongue while gesturing at the screen.

“Just watch. I’m not spoiling it.” You answered and hit play when they nodded only to pause again.

“Wait! T-rex?!” Steve asked and you nodded.

“Yeah. They have a T-rex.”

“How is that a good idea? I was joking before!” Bucky asked while staring at the screen still, both were just staring so you hit play again and then they nodded when Grant asked Hammond how he did it, “I wanna know that, too.”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded and you pat both their arms and pointed back at the screen when they looked at you for answers.

“Keep watching. It gets better and there’s a behind the scenes featurette we’ll watch after the movie.” You said and they nodded, watching the movie continue to the “ride” where Hammond, Hammond, and Mister DNA explained how the dinosaurs were made.

“Sophisticated techniques…they drilled a hole in the amber and used a syringe to suck it out.” Bucky said while rolling his eyes and you nudged him as Steve shushed him.

“Shh!”

They both watched as the lab was shown. Both agreed that they’d have stopped the ride as well to see the lab and then they stared once more when the baby raptor was born. Once again their heads tilted at the same time, but there was a difference between the two.

Namely in Bucky’s reaction and, once again, you laughed.

“I want one.” Bucky said and Alpine looked at him as did Steve, “It’s cute! Look how small and defenseless it is.”

“It’s a dinosaur, Buck. I doubt its defenseless.” Steve said with a look and Bucky just blinked back at him waiting for him to make his point.

“And? I deal with you.”

“What’s that s’posed to mean?” Steve asked with a scowl and you shook your head.

“Don’t you two start. Besides, it’s small and cute now but they get bigger and they’d probably try to eat Alpine.” You said and Bucky shook his head as Alpine looked at him and meowed.

“Never mind.”

You nodded and hit play again, “Exactly.”

It didn’t last long as you hit pause again when Steve began pointing at the screen.

“So this is why he says it! Because they tried to control the breeding!” Steve said after the iconic line was delivered and Bucky nodded, scowling deeply.

“They’re no damn better than HYDRA…” he said and Steve nodded in agreement, as did you and the baby dinosaur was revealed to be a baby Velociraptor before the movie switched scenes to the Raptor pen.

Bucky scowled instantly.

“Hammond is so…I don’t like ‘im. He’s hiding something. Wait…that’s the Velociraptor pen? That’s not a pen. Those things are in raptor prison.”

“Well, they did eat a guy.” Steve countered and you looked at him with Bucky, both of you raising an eyebrow, “Yeah, I know…”

“They should all be destroyed.” Muldoon declared on the screen and Bucky scowled at him, clearly having chosen his side for the moment.

“What’d they do to you?”

“They ate his friend.” You reminded him and he nodded with a sigh, obviously having forgotten.

“Oh…yeah, well…that’s Hammond’s fault.” He said and you couldn’t argue with him yet when the crane raised what remained of the cow harness you couldn’t help yourself.

“Still want one?”

He thought about it for about two seconds before answering.

“I’d get them a secluded island and let them run free where they can’t hurt anyone. Maybe feed them Hammond.”

“Bucky!” Steve scolded and Bucky just shrugged.

“He deserves it for putting them in that. Shouldn’t be locked up in an electrified prison.” He answered and took a bite of his food, “S’not right.”

Steve nodded while reluctantly agreeing, “No…it isn’t. It’s so small…and I really don’t like Hammond. He’s just…I don’t like him.”

You nodded, knowing it was only going to get better and it did the moment the children were introduced. Seeing their eyes widen you paused the movie to let them process when they both started gesturing at the screen. Then you counted down from three to one in your head and they began talking as soon as you hit one.

“Kids…they let…” Bucky started and Steve shook his head while looking at you.

“He brought his grand…”

“His grandkids!” Bucky said and you nodded, “To a place where people get eaten?!”

Steve just gestured angrily still, “To an island with a T-Rex on it?! He…that’s stupid!”

“Stupid? That’s irresponsible!” Bucky continued and flung his hands up into the air, “He might as well spray ‘em down with barbecue sauce and ring a damn dinner bell!”

“Exactly!” Steve nodded, “What kind of a grandpa is he?!”

“Evil. He’s an evil grandpa.” Bucky answered and once again you couldn’t disagree.

“Book gives you more insight into Hammond’s mind…and you’re not really wrong.” You said and hit play then paused immediately once again as the cars rolled up and they started pointing at the screen again.

“And we’re sending them into the park with the dinosaurs!” Steve said in disbelief, “He wants them to be eaten.”

“Well he doesn’t think anything is gonna go wrong. We’re the audience that knows it will or there wouldn’t be a movie.” You remind him and he sighed but nodded and you hit play again to watch as Doctor Grant interacted with Tim, once again causing you and Steve to both agree that Bucky was Alan Grant and Steve was Ellie Sattler.

“You would definitely do that to me.” Bucky said and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, well…I would, but Sam would do it to us both first.”

“You’re not wrong.” Bucky agreed and tossed another piece of popcorn into his mouth to watch as the tour began, “Spared no expense my ass…”

“Mh.” Steve agreed and they both watched the tour go past the Dilophosaurus enclosure, “It spits poison.”

“Mmh. Definitely put it on a tour.” Bucky nodded and then they both paused, “Wait…”

“That guy…looks like Fury.” Steve said while gesturing at the screen, “Like a younger, two-eyed, Fury. Sounds like him, too.”

You nodded after a drink.

“I asked him about that once and all he said was, and I quote: ‘Yeah, I get that a lot’ and then he walked away.” You answered and they both thought about it for a moment as the tour continued yet no dinosaurs showed up.

At least until the goat scene happened and Bucky looked at it. You had forgotten about his attachment to goats. He pointed at the screen.

“So they’re just…gonna chain it there…and let it get eaten?” he asked and you nodded.

“That’s the plan…yeah.”

“It’s gotta eat, Buck.” Steve said and Bucky glared at him.

“It can’t even run away.”

“Well it’s clearly not worried about it. It’s going to sleep.” Steve countered, “You can’t blame the T-Rex.”

“No. I blame Hammond.” Bucky said with a scowl, “S’not even a full meal for the Rex. Just a snack. I blame Hammond.”

You nodded as the tour continued, “Good idea.”

Chaos theory went right over their heads when Malcolm explained it. You weren’t surprised and figured it would. Yet you couldn’t help but laugh when Steve spoke.

“I’d love to put him in the same room with Zola and his equation.” He said and you laughed, so did Bucky.

“That would be a disaster I’d pay to watch. Zola would lose his mind.” Bucky said and you nodded.

“You can predict everything versus you can’t predict anything.” You laughed and they nodded then stared at the Triceratops making you smile with glee at their faces.

“It’s…it’s a triceratops…he’s touching it.” Bucky said, eyes wider than the first dinosaur scene.

Steve wasn’t far behind as he stared, “I know the first one was…a computer thing. You explained that CGI thing the other day…but…that’s not…that. That’s real. Like…physical real. Not a computer.”

You smiled and shook your head, “No. It’s not. We’ll watch the behind the scenes later.”

“It’s so pretty…” Bucky said while watching it, thinking and you shook your head.

“No you don’t want one.”

“S’too small here. It needs space. Like in Wakanda. It’d get along with a rhino.”

“Why is it sick?” Steve asked as he looked at you and you gestured at the screen.

You watched the absolute look of horror on their faces when presented with the dung heap after a brief moment of the pair once again complaining about Hammond’s lack of grandparent skills. The shift from disgust at Hammond to disgust at the dino droppings was rapid and you couldn’t help the smile on your face.

Or “comforting” Steve when Malcolm said “shit.”

“That’s never going away…” he sighed and both you and Bucky shook your heads with a smile.

“Nope.” You smiled then answered his question from earlier, “Okay, they don’t really explain it in the movie why the dinosaur is sick. They do explain it in the book better. They’re not eating the toxic berries directly. They’re picking them up when they swallow stones near where the bushes are. Gastroliths. Like how chickens and other birds swallow small stones to help grind up food in their stomach.”

“Oh.” They both nodded and continued watching the movie up to the point where Nedry shut off the security in the park and the chaos that then ensued between him stealing the embryos and the introduction of the T-rex.

They were both on the edge of their seat when the goat disappeared. Bucky was grumbling about it when Lex asked where the goat went. Neither had any time to make a remark about it as the leg hit the clear roof of the jeep making not only Lex jump but both of them as well. The T-rex’s hand on the wire brought a jaw drop and head shaking.

That and a quiet: “Hammond you bastard your grandkids are gonna get eaten because of you!” from Bucky that only turned into a louder complaint from Steve when the lawyer Gennaro got out of the jeep and ran for the bathroom.

“So you’re leaving the kids alone in the jeep to hide in a toilet?!” he asked and looked at you, “Why doesn’t anyone care about the kids?”

“He deserves to get eaten.” Bucky scowled and you just patted their hands and gestured at the screen for them to watch as the T-rex escaped its paddock and Lex turned the light on attracting the dinosaur, “You’d do that.”

“I would not!” Steve hissed and you shushed them both even though they were both staring at the dinosaur’s eyes constricting, heads tilted then shaking when the kids were being attacked.

“NO! Not the kids!”

“No! Eat the lawyer!”

“Eat their grandpa! Not the kids!”

They watched in horror and then confusion when Grant grabbed the flare to distract the T-rex. You could tell they were about to ask until Malcolm jumped out. It was a mixed reaction from both of them as he began waving the flare, yelling “Get the kids!” and running.

“How is someone so smart so stupid?” Bucky asked, hand held out to the screen, and Steve shrugged, eyes still glued to the screen.

“At least he cares about the kids.” He said and then scowled when Gennaro was back on the screen until Bucky smiled when the T-Rex ate him.

“Deserved it. Oh that’s satisfying.” He said and you chuckled as Steve nodded, both still glued to the screen eating their snacks.

Then came the question you knew was coming when the jeep was pushed over the cliff into the paddock. Well, honestly you weren’t sure if it was going to actually come or not, but you weren’t surprised when they both started gesturing at the screen. You knew what it was before they even started so paused the movie once more.

“How’d the…” Steve started and Bucky nodded.

“Where’d the cliff…”

You shook your head, “It’s a plot hole. A lot of people question it. I don’t know the explanation off the top of my head. You’re not the first to notice.”

The movie continued, both being concerned for Timmy. You knew well enough that the boy was alive but that they were both convinced he was because he was a “tough kid” to soothe themselves was another thing. They moved on from it when Nedry was back on screen, scowling at him before scoffing as he spun the arrow like it was actually going to tell him what direction to go in.

“I hope he gets eaten by something slow.” Bucky scowled and Steve looked at him.

“Bucky!”

Bucky gestured at the screen, pointing with his vibranium hand, “Tell me he doesn’t deserve it! Only one that deserves it more is Hammond!”

“Stop arguing!” you shushed them both before hitting play again, Bucky smiling satisfied while Nedry was being eaten by the Dilophosaurus as Steve just shook his head.

“That’s horrible…”

“It was worse in the book.” You replied and they both looked at you wide-eyed.

“How?” both asked and you just shook your head to direct them back to the movie where Tim was rescued, the scene immediately erasing Nedry from their concern.

“Poor kid.” Steve sighed at the sight of Timmy in the jeep, his heart obviously going out to the boy.

Both were chanting at the screen a few seconds later as Grant and Timmy raced down the tree away from the jeep, “Go! Go go go go go! Run! Go! Run! NO!”

Steve sighed in relief when Grant and Timmy were okay even after the jeep fell back on them. Bucky nodded and relaxed into the couch. At least for a few moments. He was soon enough back on the edge of his seat chanting at it after Malcolm was rescued and the T-Rex came back. So was Steve.

“Get off the stick!”

“Go faster! That thing can go faster than that!”

“Go!”

You sat calmly between the two, stealing bites of their forgotten snacks as the chaos continued. You then let them both chastise John Hammond the entire time he explained about his flea circus. It only made them double down on their disgust for the character. It also made them agree again that Steve was Ellie when she started scolding John.

“Tell me he gets eaten.” Bucky said to you and you just gestured at the screen.

“Just watch the movie.” You answered and he sighed before smiling at the Brachiosaurus scene while Steve did as well until both grimaced when it sneezed.

“Ugh. That’s like the time Steve sneezed on me in spring.” Bucky said and Steve scowled at him.

“I had allergies!”

“You had everything.”

“Behave!” you shushed and pointed back to the movie.

The revelation of the nest scene next both had them agreeing with Malcolm’s whole opinion on the entire park scheme again. When the park shut down scene came next that triggered a whole slew of remarks on John Hammond’s unsuitability as a grandparent once more along with Bucky asking if they forgot about the whole raptor angle. Steve answered that they obviously had once they shut the park down entirely.

“Why are they walking in an open field?” Bucky asked next with a look and Steve shook his head.

“I don’t know, not a good idea.” He agreed and nodded when the T-Rex came out of the tree line to eat the Gallimimus, “And that’s why.”

“Exactly.” Bucky nodded and took a drink but was soon questioning the logic and sense of everyone involved when the raptor pen was shown torn open, or rather when Muldoon walked out with the shotgun again, “And what is that supposed to do to a T-Rex besides piss it off?”

You just snickered as the raptor enclosure was then shown torn apart. He nodded slightly after a moment of consideration. Steve beat him to it, though.

“Might take one of them down, though.” He said and Bucky nodded.

“Maybe. If he can hit it and the gun doesn’t jam.”

“The shutdown must have turned off all the fences.”

“No…” Bucky said and Steve continued flawlessly.

“Imagine that.” he said and shook his head as the scene continued from there to the fence climbing sequence that had both him and Bucky telling Timmy to jump.

“Just jump! You can do it! Jump!” Steve urged and Bucky nodded, “I’d have been off that already!”

“You’d have fallen off half-way up at that age!” Bucky retorted and you couldn’t help but laugh before comforting them when they started freaking out when Timmy was electrocuted.

“NO! Timmy! Why’d you electrocute the kid?! Why is it always Timmy?!” Bucky asked, upset and Alpine moved over to him to nuzzle into him calmly, “Okay…I’m okay. He’ll be fine. He’s tough.”

“Yeah.” Steve nodded as they watched the scene cut back to Ellie triumphantly celebrating the return of the power in the park for two seconds.

The appearance of the Velociraptor made them both jump and Alpine leapt herself into your lap. You comforted the cat while the two super soldiers stared wide-eyed at the screen. Shouting at it again.

“Run! Run! The light isn’t that heavy just run!”

“Shut the door! Shut it! Don’t stop!” Steve said with a frustrated gesture when Ellie started sobbing after she shut the fence gate before shaking their heads at Muldoon’s demise. Once again you just counted down in your head from three to one.

Right on cue Steve spoke, “The raptor expert forgot there were other raptors while hunting raptors.”

“And got flanked. Shouldn’t’ve electrocuted them.” Bucky said while nodding and looked at Alpine as she curled up in your arms, “You’re still better.”

“Mao.” Alpine replied and contently returned to watching the movie while you scratched her ears.

Both were relieved when Timmy was still alive, feeling sorry for the boy even more than they were before. They then started yelling at Grant for leaving the kids alone in the visitor center until they rationalized that it should be fine since raptors shouldn’t be able to get inside because of the doors.

That lasted for about three seconds, as you expected it would.

You watched them as they watched the kitchen scene, complaining that “of course it can open doors!” when it opened one. They were both quiet after that, tensely watching as the scene unfolded. Still, you could see the questions in their eyes at how the dinosaurs could look so real. Then they questioned what Lex was doing until both laughed when the raptor knocked itself out. Then when the raptor was locked in the freezer they nodded their approval, though they were soon questioning the adults’ logic again even while cheering on the kids for getting things back up and running only to yell at Hammond again.

“Oh, yeah, now you care about the kids.” Steve said and Bucky nodded.

“I hope he gets eaten.”

They were on the edge of their seats again watching the lobby scene. Both sighed as Tim was almost crushed by something again, deciding that someone writing the script hated him. When the T-Rex came through they were both happy to see it though Bucky was overall disappointed that Hammond wasn’t eaten at the end.

“Damn.” He scowled and you nodded as Steve shook his head.

“He should have been eaten.” He agreed and you nodded again.

“Well…he does get eaten in the book. The kids are different. Lex is the most annoying thing ever and you kind of wish she gets eaten half the time, but Hammond is even worse.” You said and navigated to the behind-the-scenes features, “Now…we see how they did it all. A bit.”

They watched it completely enraptured. Eyes wide in an almost child-like wonder that was downright adorable. They didn’t stay silent though. Far from it as their silence only lasted until they saw the T-Rex animatronic.

“They built the entire T-Rex?” Steve asked, wide-eyed and you nodded, gesturing at the screen for them to watch and listen.

You could see they recognized part of the process in the sketches, modeling, and creation, but it was that they built a full-scale animatronic dinosaur that really blew their minds. You loved how enamored they were with the process. Though they felt horrible for the stop-motion crew having lost out on it.

You promised them that stop-motion wasn’t extinct as they put it and that they were still put to work during the making of the movie. After you assured them of that they enjoyed how the crew merged the two worlds of digital creation with stop-motion input.

They also had several comments about how Spielberg treated the kids.

“Well at least someone likes them and cares.” Bucky said and Steve nodded.

“Hammond clearly didn’t.” he said and shook his head later as Spielberg talked about the character and the actor, “I agree with Bucky. He should have been eaten.”

“Mm.” Bucky nodded and they continued watching to the point where the triceratops came back, “That thing is…it’s…”

“It’s amazing.” Steve said and he nodded, “It’s so real…it’s…just…beautiful in a way.”

Bucky nodded. So did you and you continued watching with them as the crew talked about the hurricane that hit during the filming of the movie and they both nodded when Spielberg quoted Richard Attenborough as saying the hurricane was nothing because he survived The Blitz. That made them pause.

“Wait…” Steve said and thought, causing you to pause the movie, “Did he serve?”

You pulled your phone out to look it up and nodded, “Yeah. He was in the RAF film production unit, went on several bombing raids over Europe while filming from the rear gunner’s position. He got permanent ear damage after training and also achieved the rank of sergeant.”

They both nodded and you hit play when they gestured for it to continue. Once again they were astonished by the sight of the full-sized T-Rex animatronic. They also decided that Gennaro’s toilet demise was still satisfying before they became fascinated by the Velociraptor process.

“Wait…they’re…they’re people in suits?” Steve asked and you nodded as Bucky just leaned closer to the tv to watch; both of their heads tilted while scowling fascinated.

The change in the end where the T-Rex saved everyone instead of the bones taking the raptors out was a change they agreed with. There was only one problem with their new admiration for the T-Rex.

“No.” You and Steve both said at the look on Bucky’s face, “You don’t want one.”

“No.” Steve agreed and Bucky looked at you both.

“I wasn’t gonna say I wanted one…”

You weren’t convinced, neither was Alpine.

“Mao.”

“You’re still my princess. I would never replace you.” He said and she blinked at him yet cuddled into you more anyway though she was in his lap happily by the end of the behind-the-scenes videos.

“Well?” You asked them both when you shut it off.

They took several moments to respond. Clearly it was something they were processing. Not just the movie itself but the extent to which movie making had developed from what they had known.

Some things didn’t change and yet so much had. Still, you weren’t exactly expecting the reaction you got. Not really.

“Can we watch it again?” Bucky asked and Steve nodded.

“Yeah. I wanna watch it again. There’s more, right?”

“Yeah. There’s five sequels. None recapture this entirely, trust me. Jurassic Park is a pinnacle in filmmaking, but we can watch it again if you want to.”

“Yes.”

“Now…please.”

3 Days Later

“I am so happy they changed Lex…” Bucky said as he sat at the table with Steve and you over breakfast, the book on the table between the three of you, his eyes wide while staring off in memory of the annoyance she was just as Steve nodded.

“Yeah. I mean, she has some cute moments but…the whole button thing…” he said shaking his head, “Why’d they trade Hammond for Muldoon? I mean he lives in the book…and Hammond is horrible.”

“At least he gets eaten in the book.” Bucky said and Alpine hopped onto his lap, “Right?”

“Mao.”

You just shook your head and laughed, “I swear the only reason you read the book was to see Hammond get eaten at the end.”

They both nodded.

“So what’s next?” Bucky asked and Steve looked at you, both ready for more.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! I may have gotten a scene or two out of order and may have missed one or two due to limitations I had. I'll eventually fix them once I find where my copy went.

Ao3 Link: Super Soldier Theater: Jurassic Park

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Taglist: @maryevm

[queers-gambit]

Let The Redeemed Tell Their Story [ pt. 1 ]

part one: Not So Heavenly Surprise

pt. 2: Let the Redeemed Tell Their Story

prompt: reunions are bittersweet. feelings are hard. times are tough, redemption is sought, goodbyes feel impossible; there's blood in the snow, tears in their eyes, and a haunting goodbye in the air.

pairing: Joel Miller x female!wife!reader

fandom masterlist: HBO's The Last of Us

word count: 9.3k+

note: in my best Tom Segura voice, "get. fucking. ready." -> second 24-27 from this TikTok for reference

second note: broken up into two parts. pt 1: the reunion, pt. 2: the drama and angst

warnings: suicidal ideology / mention as pertains to Joel's story. we talk death and dead bodies, mentions of dead children. cursing, use of Y/N, so many spoilers, reader insert!! pet names for / by all, step parents are REAL parents, forgiveness, heavy redemption arc, canon-level violence!! small comfort, some fluff, established relationship, and then super-sized angst, author wants you to hurt! oh, and fatal main character injury! maturity and caution required! written before season two!

❗️season one, episode six spoilers

Needless to say, Ellie, Joel, and Tess all got off to the wrong start, on the wrong foot, in the wrong direction. It wasn't exactly any of their faults, though.

There had been an ambush; blood, bullets, a knife, battery acid; there being no real friendly way to meet others post Outbreak. And in these trying times amongst the Firefly Rebellion, there was an added extra layer of anxiety to everything - making it hard to come by trust, especially after Joel himself conducted particularly heinous crimes against humanity. He knew what people were capable of, and even though Ellie was smaller and not visibly a threat to him, he wasn't going to let his guard down. That's how you fucked around and found out.

Life felt brittle and unbalanced, no room for new friendships or bonds or trust or camaraderie in this dog-eat-dog world.

Plus Joel aimed a gun at Ellie, she wasn't entirely willing to play nice after that. And Tess was evidently just Joel's lapdog - meaning she had a helluva bite as bad as her bark - so, the older woman wasn't entirely screaming "friendly" either. There was something off about them, but Ellie couldn't identify what it was; knowing she had to trust that if her mother's friend was right, this couple was just a vehicle - a means - to get her west. There were facilities, laboratories, doctors, and researchers conducting life-saving experiments that could see the start and end of this Outbreak in the same lifetime. Ellie was excited to be part of those answers since it was all the 14-year-old could hold onto after losing Riley to the Infection; thinking she wouldn't ever have to endure that twist of fate again if she went west.

Yet for now, she was saddled with Joel and Tess; the latter of who left the pair at the apartment to gather supplies for their trip into Boston to link with the Firefly transport team. She had to play nice for, what? All of two, maybe three days? Tops? Ellie figured she could do that, she was stronger than anyone wanted to give her credit for. So, when Joel crashed on the couch, she poked around the bleak 'home' out of pure childlike nosiness.

There wasn't anything personal to the naked eye, until she caught sight of the stained-glass butterfly hanging in the window pane; sure to catch the light when the sun was shining. She thought it curiously out of place, yet would not say a word when Tess returned and Joel was instantly lifting to his feet to take it down. He quickly wrapped it in an old shirt and stored it as safely as he could deep in his supply pack, eyes casted downward to miss Tess' glare and head shake of disappointment. Or perhaps, he didn't miss them at all and purposefully avoided the eyes of a jilted lover, offended by a childish decoration.

In fact, interestingly, Ellie noted that Joel was much more caring and considerate with his pack than he was Tess. She never saw them romantically interact, but understood there was some kind of trauma bond between them; feeling something heavy in her chest when witnessing their goodbyes. It was the most emotional Joel had appeared this whole time, and of course, it was in the shadow of losing someone he cared about.

Joel was in denial, even when Tess revealed her bite and compared it to Ellie's - whose skin was scabbing and healing. "When Y/N first - "

"Don't say her name," Joel snapped.

"Fuck you and listen! When Y/N first theorized there would come immunity in younger generations, we both told her she was fucking crazy. She left us, left you, Joel - "

"Don't you fuckin' say that - you don't talk about her like that!"

"We don't have time for you to play this game, Joel! She went in search of a sign - and now, look! This is real," Tess yanked Ellie's arm further into the light. "Joel, she's fucking real, and you haven't heard anything from Y/N in years - not even Tommy's heard from her! Isn't that why we're going - why you're going? So her death isn't in vain?" Joel shook his head, but the attention shifted when Tess' hand started to shake. She released Ellie and tucked her arm out of sight, insisting, "I need you to get her to Bill and Frank's - "

"No."

"They'll take her off your hands - "

"No."

" - they'll handle it from there."

Joel refused at first, but Tess was running out of time and used every tactic at her disposal. She insisted and demanded. Tears filled her eyes, "The past 15 years, all you've wanted was absolution - it's what Y/N wanted, so it became what you wanted - "

"I told you, don't fuckin' talk about her," Joel snarled angrily, but Tess didn't flinch this time... Because there was no time.

"Face it! She's dead, Joel, but she was waiting for anyone like Ellie!"

"You don't know that!"

"I know it's easier to think she's out there, Joel, but this is Y/N we're talking about - she would've sent word! She hated what we did so much, she left to search for anything better! For anything, Joel! You have to do this. This is it, Joel, this is your chance for you and her to set everything right."

It seemed to do the trick and Ellie wondered who you could've been since your very name set Joel on edge. Yet there was no time to question either of them because a wave of Infected was on their way to them after the chain network of fungi called them to their newest prey. There was panic permeating the air as they had about a minute or two to get gone, arm themselves, or fruitlessly hide before the Infected would reach them.

Tess began overturning gallons of gasoline onto the floor, devising a quick plan; tossing several explosives to the ground with the intention that they would all catch. "Joel," Tess hushed, approaching him, "it's what she would want... If Y/N was here, in my position, she'd be telling you the same thing... If not for me, do it for her. Save who you can save."

Joel only hesitated a moment before turning from Tess and grabbing Ellie, yanking her out of the building after him despite her profane protests. Tess sacrificed herself for their escape, firm in her belief that a cure was possible after witnessing the impossible herself; evident the adults were still living in the past, stuck on what was and all that they lost.

Ellie was deeply motivated by Tess' display, curious if there ever was something to 'return' to, making the newly independent pair quiet on their journey through the suburbs beyond the city.

At Bill and Frank's, they were greeted by only more death. There was nothing out here for them; completely alone, only with each other to rely on. So, Joel and Ellie formed a sort of pact to travel together west in search of the Fireflies and Tommy, Joel's brother - entire reason for his mission trip. Yet still, she felt this mystery woman haunting Joel; it was in nearly everything he said or did, evident there was harbored history he refused to acknowledge. Ellie never had the opportunity to vocalize her question who you were, it was never natural, no bridge, no Segway or reason to ever bring your name up; and after seeing the way Joel snapped at Tess, she wasn't entirely eager to endure a similar reaction.

So she didn't ask that question.

And they kept going.

After Kansas City, Ellie wasn't too excited for answers anymore, especially since she failed to save Sam; in fact, she began to dread their destination the further they got. She was unsure what waited for her and let the anxiety of the unknown drag her down; something Joel took acute note of, but didn't directly address. The obvious turmoil and the way he was haunted by the very mention of his estranged wife's name contributed to the heaviness growing in his chest.

December 11th, 2023 twenty years after Outbreak Day

"Hey, Doc! Doc!"

"Yeah? All right there, Arthur?" You asked pleasantly, trudging up the street leading to the cantina.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, you know me, just my sciatica actin' up again," the older man grunted, waddling in stride beside you. "I done told you this weather was gonna drag me down, see here?"

"Hey now, c'mon, all right, hold onto me, don't need you tippin' over again," you chuckled, keeping the aging elder upright, both shuffling along. "I got what you need, don't you worry, a nice tincture for yah, fresh this morning. All right? Help clear this episode right up - let's get you somethin' warm t'eat, c'mon, there you go, step carefully, all right, now."

"You always spoilin' me," he tisked.

"Us older folk gotta stick together, huh?"

"You're hardly up there," Arthur scoffed, shuffling into the cantina with your assistance. "You're, what? 30? 32?"

"Oh, you ol' charmer," you snickered, waving or nodding at the few citizens that quietly greeted you in passing to the dining room, "you know better than to ask a lady her age!"

"Oh, well, maybe an old timer like me was just tryna hedge his bets."

"Hey? What's that supposed to mean?"

You helped him into a seat across the way from Two Left Lenny as he explained, "Couple o'us got a li'l bet goin' if you're really with that Tommy fella or Maria lady. Can't figure you out, darlin', and you're too pretty t'stay single."

With a snort of amusement, you pushed his seat in, "Now, you wouldn't be tryna set me up with nobody, would'jah? Arthur, I'm tellin' you what, don't do it now."

"Oh, no, never," Arthur sang, hands held in defense.

"Uh-huh, okay, Trouble. Sit tight, I'll grab you somethin'," you patted his shoulder, asked Lenny if he needed anything, then moved towards the buffet line; chuckling to yourself about his little queries. You made up a quick plate with a simple cup of black coffee, chitchatting to the other residents as you went before dropping the meal at the table. "Now, you're gonna eat all them eggs, huh? They're good protein, you need it," you mused, reaching for your usual crossbody canvas tote to rummage around before producing a tincture bottle. "All right, here you go - use moderately. The grove I harvest them cloves at is dryin' up. I gotta replant - "

Before you could continue, a chair shrilly scraped against the floor and someone cried your name. Only... This was a familiar Southern drawl you knew originated from one place.

Whipping around towards the sound, you only needed a moment before Joel's figure was clear as day; stood from his seat in shell shock. He had tears in his wide eyes.

"Joel?" You breathed, and without another thought, rushed for him. "Holy shit, that you? That really you? Oh, my good God, how the fuck - what're you - c'mere!"

The clash of your bodies thudded across the cantina; blissful, unfiltered laughter filling the hearts of any with the ability to hear. Arms clung like cling wrap to each other, rubbing in shock and disbelief as if to reassure the feeling of one another - alive and real, physically here right now. You felt his chest heaving, mouth at your ear hushing, thick with emotion, "I thought you dead, baby; oh, my God. Thought you was gone, I had t'come a'lookin' - you said - you said if I ain't hear from you - "

"Oh, sweetheart, I know, hey, hey," you sighed, petting the back of his head; fingers loosely raking in salted locks. "I'm so sorry I couldn't send word, but I'm right here, honey, I'm right here... Shhh, 's all right, I gotcha, 'M here. Just focus on that."

And just like that, it was as if not a day had passed; as if there was no bad blood or past transgressions, only the here and now: sheer relief.

"Baby, I-I gotta - "

"I gotcha, you're okay," you hushed with your eyes squeezing shut upon feeling yourself dampen with his tears.

"I can't believe it's really you," he whispered. "Shit," with one last squeeze, he pulled back first but kept your cheeks caressed in both hands, "lemme a look at yah. You still you? You hurt?"

"Man," you tisked, smacking his bicep to make him flinch back in amusement, "what the fuck are you doin' all the way out here? How the hell are you even here? Thought I left you in Boston?"

"It's a bit of a long story."

You nodded, "Yeah, yeah, it always is, innit? Go on, sit, go, you were eating, c'mon." You both moved back for his side of the table; reaching out to position his chair and wait for him to reclaim it. "Tommy? You got somethin' to do with this?"

"Apparently," he mused, smirk ever present as you clapped Joel's shoulder and took note of the girl sitting beside him - who eyed you with mistrust. "Oh, uh, Y/N, this is Joel's... uh, Ellie. Ellie, this is our town's physician, Dr. Y/N Miller."

"Nice t'meet yah," you smiled, offering the girl your hand not resting on Joel's shoulder, "Ellie."

"No shit," she breathed, ignoring your hand to stand. "You're her? You're her - you're the Doctor. You're who Marlene told me about."

"Marlene?" You and Joel asked as the same time, but in very different pitches. Ellie noticed the natural way your hand caressed the back of his neck in silent restraint; a motion so practiced from years of marriage. "No shit, how's she doin'? She's not been on the radio lately, I haven't heard from her, God, maybe in years," You mused.

"Now you know how that feels," Joel easily quipped, putting a smile on Tommy's face to realize how identical this scene had once been in another life... But with Sarah.

"Hear that?" Tommy whispered to Maria behind his hand with a smirk. "Family."

"Good, last I knew," Ellie shrugged. "She's in Boston, but, uh, I hear you been lookin' for someone like me - "

"Ellie," Joel interrupted, the girl reading his face and silencing herself.

Your head cocked before a coy smile tugged on your lips as you eyed her up and down. "Uh-huh. Well, all right, honey, I just didn't know what was comin' my way." You tisked your teeth, encouraging, "Go on, sweetie, sit down, eat, enjoy. We'll get t'chattin' later, huh?"

"All right, yeah," Ellie smiled, sitting again. "What?" She asked Joel, who was shooting her an incredulous look. "I know some people, too."

"Uh-huh," he grunted, both going back to their meals. Your trio watched the two tuck in, Dina tapping your shoulder nervously, presenting your usual cup of coffee.

"Oh, thank you, darlin'. Hey, can I introduce - Oh, no, no, that's okay," you smiled when the girl turned and scurried away mid-sentence. "Listen, I gotta get back t'work - "

"Nah, c'mon, stay for a while, you're always moving, honey bee, c'mon," Tommy encouraged, tears slowly collecting in your eyes.

"Duty calls," you eased, sending Maria a pointed look.

"We'll find you later," she agreed, subtly nudging Tommy's foot under the table; watching you squeeze Joel's shoulder and nod at Ellie.

"Nice t'meet yah," you winked.

"Wait," Joel panicked, reaching to grab your hand to prevent your escape, "you really leavin'?"

"I've got some work to get done," you nodded softly.

"We just got here," he stood from his seat again, "I just found you again, doll, please."

You offered a half smile, "You'll be all right, Joel, promise. I'm never too far."

"Nah, no, darlin', hang on, 'cause last time I let you walk away, I ain't see you for fuckin' years - "

"No, hey, Joel, take a breath, baby. I'm not goin' too far, I'm right here in Jackson, all right? You're okay, y'all are safe - I just gotta wrap some shit up but I'll find you after, all right? Sure we got plenty t'catch up on, huh?"

"Yeah," Tommy scoffed without thought, "tends t'happen after two decades, right?" You and Joel pinned Tommy with an identical look of reprimand, making him laugh, "Wow - ain't seen that look in forever, huh?"

"Shut it, Tommy," you laughed, squeezing Joel's arm. "Sit, I'll find yah. Promise."

You sought solace in the medical office, distracting yourself through the waves of emotions you were being slandered with; but with rangers returning, there was thankfully no room for your emotional turmoil.

"No waaay!" Ellie beamed when she saw the foal poking her head over the stall door. Cavernous nostrils flared in greeting, the baby beast excited to greet another youngling.

"I see you've met our newest addition," you mused as you came up behind the group; starling Joel and Ellie. They physically flinched, but Tommy and Maria were far too used to your lithe movements. With a fraction of guilt, your hands went up in defense, "Sorry, sorry, bit light-footed."

Joel didn't deflate, but Ellie smiled, "What's her name?"

"That's Shimmer, just a few months old," you introduced, moving to lean on the stall's outer wall. "Go on, pet 'er if you'd like," you encouraged softly.

Ellie approached the filly, greeting, "Shimmer, you're so beautiful."

"Ever ride a horse before?"

"Nah, never... I'd like to learn, though."

"I'm sure we can make that happen," you nodded, looking at your estranged husband; mind whirling with the memories of teaching Sarah to horseback ride. Judging by the look on his face, he was lost in the same thoughts. So you tried to bring him back to reality by asking, "That is, if it's all right with you, Joel?"

"Hm?" He perked up.

"Ellie, learnin' t'ride?"

"Oh, uh... We'll see," he alluded, shifting his weight and looking away; hands wringing together.

"Well," Maria sighed, "I'm sure they'd like a shower, some new clothes. Doc, you got room for them or should we set them up in the house across the way?"

"They can stay at mine," you pushed off the wall, assuring the weary travelers, "plenty of room, decent place. I haven't really touched it so it might not feel much like home, but it's got heat and water. Could do worse."

"Oh, trust me, we have been," Ellie teased, alluding to the rough conditions they traveled through. You smirked in agreement, understanding first hand how difficult the trip from Boston to Jackson was.

But the child's comment made Joel snip, "We've been doin' fine."

You watched Ellie's face fall in confusion, as if she didn't understand Joel's defensiveness. Yet you did, nodding at Joel to try to assure him that you knew he did all he could in the given circumstances. He didn't need to feel inadequate since Jackson only had certain amenities of privilege because it was one of a kind. He looked down - hardly the man you knew, making your concern spike momentarily; realizing you'd have to relearn about the man you married 20some years ago; where for 5 or so years, you were a ruthless barbarian, then spent 15 years rectifying your wrongdoings, too many of which you've been gone from his side.

"Well, Doc can take Ellie over if you two wanna catch up?" Maria offered; Tommy looking to his brother for an answer.

"Yeah... Okay," Joel accepted after a moment of thought.

Tommy moved to lead the way, Ellie quietly hissing, "Joel."

"You'll be fine," he promised the girl, pointing at you, "trust her with my life, hand t'God."

Ellie noted that seemed to be a common theme; first with Marlene relaying her trust in Doc, now Joel. She watched him walk away with his brother, a strange feeling of abandonment brewing in her belly; hating how seemingly the moment he found his brother, he left her. You nodded to Maria, who left the pair of you to go about her daily chores; asking Ellie, "Shall we, honey?"

"Uh, yeah," she agreed, still watching the two men before almost forcing herself to follow you.

"If it's any comfort, we only leave the property for necessity. They're just headin' inta town. Won't be too far at any given point."

"Right."

"Ever had your own bedroom?"

"Uh, kinda?" She offered, now keeping pace with you. "I had a roommate, but... She joined the Fireflies, left me alone in our dorm..."

"You were FEDRA?"

"Yeah, in their orphanage."

You frowned, striding towards your house across from Maria and Tommy's., "Fuckin' brutal. Bet you're glad to be outta there."

"You have no idea."

"Oh, I got some - hence why I left," you snickered, nudging her playfully. "All right, here we go," you pushed open the front door, "so, real simple, right? Living room," you gestured, "kitchen's through there - backdoor, too," you pointed. "Right, so, up the stairs," you jogged up, hearing her follow, "got my bedroom right here." You bullied your shoulder into the bedroom she could use, "Right, then, sorry 'bout the dust and shit; I like cleaning for my anxiety, but it's no secret this part of the house don't get much use. Here," you showed her the bathroom, "can get a shower - I'll grab you a towel and some soaps. And some new clothes, all right?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, okay..."

You nodded, "Meet downstairs when you're done?"

"Cool."

After supplying her with the necessities, you left Ellie in the bathroom to quickly tidy up the room, deposit a new set of clothes and a DivaCup to the bed, then hustling out the backdoor towards your neighbor, Donna, who owed you from a couple favors. She provided the new winter coat you requested and gave you some of her homemade cookies before you left.

Reentering through the kitchen, you discovered Ellie in the living room, staring at the memorial you erected for your daughters on the mantel over a roaring fire. "Oh, good, you're out," you smiled in greeting, setting the cookies to the table. "I just grabbed you this," you held up the coat, "should help with the bitterness out here. Tellin' yah, kid, the wind out here is murderous." After handing it over, you encouraged, "Well, go on, try it on, lemme see."

"Why'd you do this...?"

"Ah, not used to people just being kind, huh?"

"No. Everyone has ulterior motives."

"Go through what I've been through, kid, and trust me, you get tired of being so pessimistic. Weighs on the soul in the worst ways and I don't have time or capability for that anymore. Just wanna do some good - no matter how small an act." You gestured at the jacket, watching her swing it on before adding, "Plus, you're Joel's kid, and that matters to me. Good?"

"It's, uh, super fuckin' purple."

"Eh, I'd say it's more eggplant," you tugged on the lapels and sleeves, nodding. "It fits?"

"Yeah - "

"Shoe's aren't too big?"

"Uh, no. Where's my other stuff?"

"Rag pile. Get the thing I left you?"

"Yeah. Weirdest gift ever."

"Trust me, it's useful," you snorted with amusement. "Figured period health wasn't exactly top of Joel's list, but - "

"He's not my father," she snipped, "and I can take care of myself."

"All right, then," you kept the relief out of your tone, remaining aloof. "You, uh, you want a haircut? Just to trim the ends, promise."

"I mean, I guess?"

"Who's been doin' it?"

"World-class salons," she deadpanned.

But you weren't phased, only smirking, "Should get your money back for that hack job, huh?" She looked ready to retort, but you were quick, "C'mon, honey, in the kitchen; just a trim, I'll grab my scissors."

So lead into about 10 minutes of silence as you wet Ellie's hair, brushed it, and then began inspecting how much of a cut would be needed. You figured about an inch or so.

"So..." Ellie broke the silence after finishing one of the cookies, "was this, like, your job back then or somethin'?"

"Nah," you mused, "never cut hair professionally, just more of a hobby. I've always liked doin' it, though, but..." You shrugged, "Maybe it was a mom thing." The silence turned poignant. "Saw yah lookin' at my li'l memorial...?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm-I'm sorry about your kids."

"Thank you," you sighed. "Delilah was just a few months old, Sarah wasn't much older than you are now."

"Could I ask what happened? Don't have to tell me if it's - "

"It's all right," you cut her off, "'s been 20 years, but ain't nothin' to really tell." You paused to snip another section of hair, aware that Joel would've told her is he wanted her to know. "The night of the Outbreak, there was so much chaos, my family was forced to split up. My sister had been holdin' Delilah, so she and Tommy had to go a different route than Joel, Sarah, and I - "

"Wait, Joel and Tommy?" Ellie asked swiftly.

"Yeah?"

"You were together that night? I-I mean," she realized the implication was too blatant, trying to cover, "you all knew each other back then?"

You snickered, "Uh-huh, knew each other reeeaaaal well. They ain't tell yah?"

"Nobody's told me anything. I can't tell if it's because they think I'm too young to handle it, or they simply can't stand to relive those memories."

"Probably the latter, darlin', everyone lost everything. It's hard to think back on that day 'cause nobody was untouched, you know? It... It fucked all survivors up."

"Right, yeah, I bet. So you guys, uh, split up?"

"Mhm." Your voice turned somber, the sounds of snipping scissors filling the background, "We lost Sarah first... Then my sister, Katie, well she got bit at some point when on the run with Tommy, so, uh, it was a mercy killin'... And last was Delilah - see, her li'l body was too weak for the Infection, so it killed her, didn't turn her."

Ellie sighed deeply as another section of hair was cut. "Holy shit... I-I'm sorry... That's... That's fucking terrible."

"Ain't nothin' but the past now, darlin'."

Ellie nodded in agreement, trying to break the tension by asking, "Soooooo, you and Tommy...?"

"Oh, fuck no!" You snickered, seeing her jolt in repressed amusement. "He's my brother-in-law; Joel and I were married, or I guess we technically still are, since divorce ain't a thing in the apocalypse."

Ellie went rigid, your scissors slowing when you noticed. Before you could question it, she asked, "They were Joel's kids?"

You wanted to blurt out that, no, Delilah wasn't Joel's after he rejected her before she was even born. Yet it was obvious this child had an attachment to him and you didn't wish to taint the man she knew by exposing the man he once was. There was no use hanging onto the past now, so you answered, "Sure was. Sarah wasn't biologically mine, though; you see, I was her stepmama. Though it often never felt like that - I was all she knew."

"She was your kid, too," Ellie validated.

"Uh, you know what? I'm sorry, honey, I shouldn't have said all that, it's Joel's business to tell."

"It's equally yours. But I appreciate knowing, guess it explains him a little."

"Mh," you hummed, "listen, kid, there's obviously some things you don't know 'bout him, but I reckon you've seen other things. Listen, I don't need to know what happened - but let me justify so you understand, he was so angry for years after losing our daughters in such a brutal way that he resorted to barbarity to filter his emotions. Loss like that... Changes a person to their core. Makes them do things never imaginable - "

"Oh, like killing people? Just like your beloved Tommy used to do, too?" Ellie quipped, "Yeah, I know about that."

"Mhm," you considered.

"He doesn't do that anymore."

"I ain't say nothin'."

"I felt you judging."

"How can I judge what I, too, have done, kid?" It was quiet save from the snip of the scissors. "Yeah, darlin', I know what Tommy and I did - we were followin' Joel. Inna way, we always did. He's magnetic that way, always had the right head on his shoulders so we didn't think too much, figured he knew right from wrong, and our best chances of survival was under him. Joel did everything possible to keep us alive and together."

Ellie scoffed, "And now you're worried I'm gonna do the same?"

"I - "

"Ever occur to you, I might be smarter than you and Tommy? No offense."

You sighed and dropped her hair, swiping the towel from around her shoulders a little roughly. Ellie's head snapped up to watch you round the front of her, taking the single seat at the table she was sat before. Tossing the scissors and towel aside, you sighed, "Listen to me, kid, and listen well. I'm not worried 'bout'cha. You've obviously got a helluva head about you - and yeah, very well might be smarter than me. Reckon you are smarter than Tommy, would've made a damn fine lawyer." A faint smirk tugged on the side of her mouth. It fell as your tone turned serious, "But don't for a second think you know more than I do, been around a helluva lot longer than you've even been a thought. There's a whole lot you're not tellin' me - and that's good. We all got our secrets - you, me, Tommy, Joel, Marlene. Everyone." You watched Ellie's eyes advert, sighing, "You hear me?"

"Mhm."

"I'm not tryna scare you, darlin', not tryna deter you from puttin' any kinda faith in Joel. Truthfully... Joel Miller was the best man I knew. He's a good guy to trust, would put his life on the line for those he cares for without a second thought."

"Then what are you trying to tell me? What?" She scoffed, "You think Joel's gonna do whatever he did to you, to me?"

"Well, therein lies my point - you be fuckin' careful who you put your faith in. The only people who can betray us... Are the ones we trust."

Ellie's eyes lit up with understanding. "How did he betray you?"

"That's not - "

"You can't give me all that cryptic crap and not explain. Nobody fuckin' explains to me anything!"

You chuckled, "Yeah, you're definitely smart, but for now, I'm smarter, hey? Now, c'mon, grab your super fuckin' eggplant coat."

"Where're we going?"

"The movies," you smirked. "Take some cookies, too."

You walked Ellie to the cantina, where a community movie night was underway. The pair of you asked simple questions: where were you from, what each other's favorite color was, how the hell you made it out to Jackson in one piece. During that walk, you decided you liked Ellie; she was a sarcastic little spitfire, but that kind of energy was few and far between these days. You liked the child's razzle-dazzle.

On the way into the cantina, you saw Tommy and Maria exchanging a hushed conversation; so, after seeing Ellie inside, you doubled back. "Hey," you greeted, the couple silencing themselves, "uh, everything all right?"

Maria sighed with a nod, "Fine. I'm gonna head in, keep an eye. You two should probably talk."

You watched your friend walk away, turning to Tommy with an inquisitive stare and a perched brow. Before you could question the tension, Tommy held up a pair of boots and requested, "Actually, babygirl, you mind taking these to the work shed?"

"Sure, but, uh - "

"They're for Joel."

"Right - but is there a reason you don't wanna deliver 'em yourself?" When his eyes adverted, you questioned, "Tommy? Somethin' happen between y'all?"

Tommy shook his head, "Can't hide shit from you. No, it's not - it's just - you know how brothers are. How he gets."

Your eyes narrowed, "Tell me the truth."

"It's not so bad..."

"What. Happened?"

Tommy lowered his voice, "I told him 'bout Maria and I becomin' parents and he... He didn't... He didn't have the best reaction. I might've said something t'him, like... How just 'cause his life stopped, doesn't mean the rest of ours did, too. I know I was outta line - "

"What was his reaction to you bein' a dad?"

"I told him I thought I'd be a good dad and he said, 'I guess we'll find out.'"

You counted to five in your head, inhaling the bitter cold and exhaling. "You know that's his trauma talkin'. You were the best fuckin' uncle to our girls, you're gonna be the best damn daddy, I know it. Joel's just not in his right mind, Tommy."

Tommy took a long breath in, huffing as his hands shoved to his jacket pockets. "Listen, uh, I was... I was gonna go talk to him, but I think you might get farther than me."

"Yeah, I don't know - "

"He's might still be a little prickly, babygirl, but c'mon, you guys can talk on a clean, fresh slate. Maybe he'll be a li'l more willin' talkin' to yah, I mean, he always was."

"That was before."

"Not like that kinda love changes."

"Tommy, don't make it weird," you groaned.

"C'mon," he insisted, "I traded those boots for Joel; he's in the shed, probably tryna glue the soles of his back together."

"Nah, you're comin' with me, y'all gotta kiss and make up."

"Hang on, Y/N," Tommy halted you, glancing around before lowering his voice. "Joel said he's gotta take Ellie to the university t'meet with the Fireflies. She's apparently some muck's daughter, but I don't know if he was tellin' the truth."

"Well, she told me clearly he's not her daddy. He say why they needed down there?"

"Somethin' with Marlene, he wasn't too specific, darlin'."

You frowned and lead the way around the building, crunching through the snow. When you entered the work shed, Joel was sitting on a lone stool with a few tools spread around him; an abandoned boot left to the side. He perked up as if a deer in headlights when he saw you, lips pulling in a small, reassuring smile as you neared the work bench to set the new boots down. "Tommy said I'd find yah here," you mentioned softly, gesturing to his brother by the door. "Here, figured you'd wanna toss them ol' things out so Tommy saved you the trouble and traded for these."

Joel sighed through his nose and nodded silently, going back to his work; hating how effortless and comfortable you seemed to be, hating that there was tension with him and you, him and Tommy; wanting so desperately to go back to how everything once was. Joel just wanted his family back, but he understood, things would never go back to how they were. No matter how much he wished it, no matter how hard he tried, no matter who he prayed to.

"I'll just - leave you two to it," you tried to back out, motioning your brother-in-law forward.

"Nah, babygirl, stay," Tommy prevented your escape, finally facing his brother; who wouldn't admit the flood of relief he felt hearing your old nickname. "Look, I shouldn't have said what I said. I don't even believe it. I know you're happy for me, it's just... It's complicated for you. Both of you," he looked at you as you leaned on a separate workbench, "and I'm sorry." Joel couldn't look Tommy in the eye, opting down at his folded hands; picking at a few callouses.

"Joel?" You asked softly, but his head did not lift.

"This ride to the university, is it a suicide mission?"

You straighten up, crossed your arms, and dropped your head as your lips rolled between your teeth. That word... That word triggered a barrage of thoughts you'd suppressed decades ago. Behind your eyelids, you had flashes of memory to just a few days post Outbreak...

Survivors had been rounded up into triage tent cities, and that day, you had limped into your tent just in time to see a gun pointed at Joel's temple. You remember screaming his name, which in turn made him flinch, but the trigger had already been pulled. You had dropped to your knees at his side, sobbing uselessly, whipping off your dirty shirt to press to the weeping wound on his temple.

You hated those memories.

You hated that the pain he endured was so raw and tangible that he thought that was his only option.

You hated that he never bothered to say goodbye.

You hated him for (almost) doing that - but only for a time. After the initial anger passed, you understood better than anyone why he felt the need to "opt out", never trying to hold it against him whilst trying to cope with him never trusting you with those thoughts or feelings. But the fact remained: he was willing to off himself without a single word to you or Tommy. It was hard to get over something like that, especially after losing your daughters in such a violent, back-to-back manner.

"No," Tommy answered Joel's query. "It's dangerous, but it's nothing you can't handle. Just prepare and do what you do."

"You've had people go that way and come back?" Joel asked.

"All of 'em - "

"Don't lie t'him, Tommy," you spoke stoically, staring at your feet as both Miller brothers looked over at you. "Goin' down t'the university ain't all easy, Joel," you lamented, meeting his teary gaze, "and even some of our rangers don't make it back - there's Infected, sure, but out here, the people are much more dangerous. They're righteously savage... Even a few rumors of cannibal factions. Might not be a total suicide mission, but it's not really worth the risk, especially now with winter set in. Desperate times create desperate people."

Joel dropped his head, "Thanks f'the truth, doll."

"But hey," you tried to cover your tracks under Tommy's pointed stare, "when you have experienced rangers like Tommy or I go, there's never been any issue. We come back without a single scratch, often without seein' a single livin' thing. Yeah?"

"That's right," Tommy agreed, but you both couldn't look away from the dejected shell that was Joel Miller.

Your head cocked with furrowed brows, sharing a look with Tommy when Joel just remained silent. "Joel? Why do you need t'get t'the university? This have anythin' t'do with Ellie and Marlene?" Joel looked like he wanted to answer, but the swelling in his throat stopped him. You encouraged softly, "C'mon, darlin', 's just Tommy and I - you can tell us the truth. What's goin' on?"

A pause.

"She's immune," Joel admitted, stopping time; staring up at his brother with a silent plea before turning his sights on you.

"Say again?" You asked breathlessly.

"Ellie," He explained, watching you nod. "She got Infected but she didn't get sick."

You scoffed, "Yeah, all right, so we're chasin' ghost stories now? C'mon, baby, we don't - "

"It's not a ghost story, Y/N, it's real, it's fucking real - like you always said," he insisted, watching you and Tommy exchange unsure looks. "Tommy, Y/N," he tried to rein in your attention, but his brother was staring out the door's window as if to judge how quick he could get to the cantina to save his wife and unborn child from a potential Infected child. "Tommy," he spoke a little gruffer, earning his brother's attention again, "I saw her get bit myself. That was months ago... Months."

You chuckled, shaking your head, "Nah, 'cause that can't be, all right? There's no such thing as - "

"She's immune," Joel emphasized.

"She can't be," you still refused, "it's not a real thing. I searched, Joel, I tired - "

"Hang on," Tommy sighed at you, rounding around the tables to pull out a stool and take his seat. "Let's just hear him out, babygirl. Gotta be worth at least that much, right? He came all this way - and Marlene told Ellie 'bout you. You've been searchin' for a cure - "

"I gave that up," you scoffed.

"Still - let's hear him out."

You just stared at Joel for a long moment, then hoisted yourself to sit on top of the workbench. "All right. All right, fine, yeah, I guess I've heard some pretty hard-to-believe things in my life, why not add another?"

"That's the spirit," Tommy encouraged, readjusting in his seat, gesturing at his brother to go on.

"From the beginning, Joel, and don't skip a Goddamn detail," you frowned at your estranged husband.

"It was Marlene," Joel started. "She hired us to smuggle Ellie to some Fireflies. It went bad. Tess got bit... She made me swear to take the kid. It was her dyin' wish, even said... Said I had to - sayin' I owed that much." A tear fell as he told you, "Said it was a way towards absolution, like we wanted, doll. What the hell was I supposed to do?"

You saw the struggle in his eyes and heard the tremble in his voice, nodding slowly as if to validate his decision. Joel sniffled, continuing, "We made it as far as K.C., and then..."

"And then?" You asked softly, hanging off every word.

"You know, she saved my life there from another kid. Five years ago, I would've destroyed him. But she had to shoot him to save me." Both you and Tommy bowed your heads at this, reminded of your own years in the wild. "14-years-old. Because I was too slow and too fuckin' deaf to hear him comin'... And I saw," he paused, shaking his head to clear the thoughts away, "I saw a man kill his own brother to save her, while I just watched. And today, I thought that dog was gonna tear her apart because it smelled somethin' on her," his voice wobbled, tears in his eyes mounting; emotion clawing at his chest. "And all I did was stand there. I couldn't move. I couldn't think of anythin' to say. I just... I was so afraid," Joel admitted tearfully. Tommy readjusted again, his eyes locked with yours as if having a telepathic conversation - which you might as well have been. You both believed Joel. "You think I can still handle things, but... I'm not who I was. I'm weak." And your heart shattered at the words directed at your husband's little brother. "Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere and... My heart... Feels like it's stopped."

You wanted to open your mouth and scream at him how wrong he was, that he was the strongest man you had known, but the truth was... You didn't know Joel anymore. When you left years ago, you had just barely settled in Boston after years wondering the wilderness; years of slaughter, years of savagery, years of ruthlessness. Years of betraying your fellow man in the wake of this Infection - turning against rational logic and becoming that which haunted your waking and dreaming moments.

You had been ashamed of what you did. Who your anger turned you into. What your husband did - and encouraged others to do as well. Those who followed your group turned to a life of murdering and pillaging and rampaging. They did as Joel did; did as you and Tommy had done, but you seemingly wisened up first.

So, you left, and in turn, inspired others to break away, too. Tommy turned to the Fireflies, but Joel and Tess turned to a life of smuggling. It seemed the only thing left to boost their morale, gave them some kind of purpose in the Boston QZ.

"And I have dreams," Joel continued, shaking you from memories of the past. "Every night."

"What kinda dreams?" Tommy asked his brother.

"I don't know. I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up, I've lost somethin'," now, the tears strangled him. "I'm failin' in my sleep, it's all I do. It's all I've ever done - just look at what I did to you, Y/N, what I did to you and our girls," tears rapidly broke his waterline, "our gorgeous, innocent girls - I failed you and then I failed them. And now all I ever do is fail her, again and again."

"You want us to take her," Tommy realized first.

"I'm just gonna get her killed, I know it. I know it. I have to leave her."

"Yeah? You 'have' to leave?" You found your voice, sounding angry, but when Joel looked at you, he found tears in your eyes as well. "You thought you had t'leave us, too, and how well did that work? Joel - "

"It's why you left, right, baby? It's why you both took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did?" With a shake of your head, you looked away, Joel focusing on his brother, "Well, here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world. You're younger than me. You're still strong, you said it yourself, you'll come back. You have to take her. And Y/N, you left in search of redemption, of absolution - I'm giving that to you after I took so much of your innocence. Forced you into a world of hurt, right? I need you t'do this, it's all you've wanted, please, let me give this to you."

Except, Tommy looked distraught for a long moment; throat swollen as his eyes found yours. You reached out to pet the back of his head, sighing, "Tommy can't take her, Joel. He's got too much t'lose now, but, uh... I-I can. I can go, I can take her."

"Babygirl's made the most trips out of all of us," Tommy explained. "She always comes back... She should go, Ellie would be safest with her."

You nodded and Joel rushed, "But you can't tell anyone, not even Maria." Tommy looked ready to argue, but Joel told you two, "Tommy, Y/N, you two are the only ones I trust, if anyone else sees those bite marks on her, what's under her skin, they'll shoot her."

Joel could almost see the way your mind reeled back 20 years prior to when Sarah had been shot; dying right in front of you both with her blood staining your skin. How neither of her parents were able to save her.

"It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you - either of you," Joel rushed. "I swear."

You sighed, looking down at Tommy, but he was already looking at you. "You're not goin', Tommy," you decided, "gotta stay here with Maria. But, uh... Yeah," you told Joel, "yeah, all right, I'll take her out at dawn. But on one condition."

"Anything."

"You tell that girl the truth. She doesn't deserve no type of lie or half-assed answers. Tell her the truth, Joel."

"I will," he whimpered.

"Tommy, give us a minute, would yah, babe?" You whispered, patting your brother-in-law on the shoulder.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, go on, can catch the end of the movie," you encouraged.

"You know, I can go with y'all - "

"Not a chance in hell," you smirked, "Maria would have my hide. Go on now, git," you shooed, waiting until he was out of the shed before sitting in his vacant stool. "Now, Joel..."

"I know it's insane, I know how it all sounds - "

"That's not it," you cut him off with a frown. "I'm concerned about you, honey. You say you have these dreams every night, but I know that's a lie - just look at yah! Look as if you haven't known sleep in fuckin' months."

"I guess, I haven't? Maybe even in 15 years..."

"Mhm," you hummed before sighing and bowing your head. "Look," you decided, "I'll do what needs done - I'll do whatever you ask of me. You know I will. But I think you and I need t'clear the air, get some truths between us."

"Okay. Like what?"

"Like why the hell you really came all the way out here?"

He stared at you for a moment, shrugging, "T'find Tommy."

"Mhm, why'd you wait until now?"

"I wasn't - we didn't have a car battery until Bill and Frank's."

"Right, and then?"

"Got attacked in K.C.. Been on foot since then."

You sighed, "And Tess? She gonna pop up out here, too? Lookin' for you? The way we stay safe, Joel, is bein' smart - "

"She's dead, remember? Got bit..."

"Well, with this whole immune thing, just thought I'd clarify." There was a suspended silence for several heartbeats. "You all right? I know she was special to yah."

Joel shrugged, "Hurt more when you left..."

"Don't try t'flatter me now, I'm already takin' the kid - "

"I'm serious, baby, please," he insisted. "Yeah, fuckin' hurt when Tess got bit, but nothin' hurt like what happened to us. To our family."

You nodded, "Listen, about that..."

"What?"

You sighed deeply, rubbing your hands together before admitting, "I've had a lot of time t'think about all that went down. And for any and all parts I played, I am sorry." His eyes filled with tears again. "I knew you were struggling after," you paused, swallowing harshly, "you know, a-after Sarah and Delilah, and instead of us tryna figure shit out together, we let our anger take control."

"Not like we had any other option."

"We did," you nodded. "Bein' out here? Helpin' build this place? Meetin' all these people? Yeah," you scoffed, "there were other options, but our anger made us blind. Ain't all our fault... But for what we did? Joel - "

"I know," he rushed, wiping his cheeks. "I know, it was fucked."

"More than fucked. We murdered people, Joel."

"I remember."

"I'm haunted by it, I keep - fuck's sake," you laughed ruefully. "I keep tryna make up for it all. You know? Out here, I'm alive, I'm able and capable, but at night, yeah, darlin', I'm haunted, too. No amount of good I put into this world is ever gonna make up for the horrors we committed."

"And now?"

You nodded and huffed, "Now, it looks like I get one last shot at redemption. This girl, this... Ellie. She really immune?"

"Hand to God, I swear she is. She got bit when Tess did, and while Tess' wound turned dark and started to fester - her's was clean. Just barely a mark by then."

"Jesus," you considered. "It's what we've all been waiting for, huh?"

"It's what you've been searchin' for," he agreed.

"No shit. All right, well, how 'bout that?" You cleared your throat, asking, "Why the university?"

"Firefly doctors and shit - thinkin' they can, I don't even know, like..."

"Like, what? Find a-a cure? Ain't no curin' this shit - I mean, at most, it'd be like a vaccination."

"Then that's what it is. Listen, sugar, you sure about this? Taking her, I mean?"

"Joel," you half-smiled, "I've been unsure of a lot of things since we lost our girls, but the idea that I can give other parents - like Tommy and Maria - more time with their kids? That's a risk I gotta take. For Sarah and Delilah, right?"

"For Sarah and Delilah," he agreed, the tears cracking his stony exterior again. You stood swiftly and opened your arms as you stepped into him; Joel shooting out of his seat to meet you. He latched his arms around your waist, sobbing into your neck and shoulder. "I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so fuckin' sorry. F-For fuckin' everything - "

"Shhh," you shushed him, tears of your own surfacing to stream down your cheeks. "Hey, 's all right. You're here now, you're here, finally with me, it's all right, Joel. You're okay."

"I'm so sorry, so fuckin' sorry. For how I was when you were pregnant and after, I never should've - and-and now, we don't get the chance t'be with them and it's my fault for wasting that time - "

Your heart felt lighter as you admitted, "I forgave you a long time ago, baby. It's okay."

Joel held on all the tighter. He didn't deserve forgiveness, but God, did he crave it. He wanted absolution, to be absolved of his past; even before the Outbreak, he wasn't perfect. But to hear you forgive him shattered him into fragments he'd never glue back together. Because he knew, deep in his soul, he didn't deserve it.

Perhaps, maybe you knew he didn't deserve forgiveness, too. But you had no place to judge, that wasn't your job; so, you did the only thing you could and forgave him. How could you move forward if still stuck in the past? Look at Joel now: haunted, depressed, panicked. He still dwelled in a time that would never come again, but you didn't want to turn out like that, so you welcomed forgiveness.

It made you feel lighter. Brighter.

So, whether it was selfish of you or not, whether he deserved it or not, you forgave him.

And in that tool shed, for at least another hour, you stood there, crying, petting the other's hair in soothing motions; rambling about moving forward now that he was finally with you again. Joel hated to admit it, but a small part of him felt happy... Elated... Excited for whatever was to come - because he had you back.

For years, he thought you were dead. For years, he grieved. For years, he let his self-hatred grow and fester; in turn, hurting those around him because the concept of forgiving himself was impossible.

And now, 21 years of turmoil was buried in the snow as you sobbed how much you missed each other. How life would look different from here out. How this mission with Ellie would be your last - the final step towards redeeming yourselves for the hateful, savage behavior of your pasts. Joel never thought he'd feel this feeling again, but here you were, in his arms, hand thread through his greying curls; promising that you would stay by him if he stayed by you.

A vow renewal of sorts.

Joel had to bite his tongue to stop from scolding you that you shouldn't cave this easily - but he understood, it wasn't easy. 15 years since you saw him, 21 since you've been a real couple; this decision wasn't easily made, and he could acknowledge that.

"C'mon," you mused, lacing your hand with his, "you've got some explainin' t'do t'the kid and I've gotta pack. And then, you're gonna get a shower with hot water and soap, and then you're gonna crawl in bed with me, and we're gonna sleep."

"Sounds too good t'be true, darlin'."

"What? A shower and a bed is farfetched but immunity isn't?" You teased, tugging his hand to lead him out.

"No... Bein' with you again just doesn't feel real."

"Well, believe it, baby. Aht! Boots!"

For the first time in possibly 21 years, Joel actually laughed. He let you discard his old, worn-out, falling-apart boots and laced his brand new ones on; once more taking your hand, and heading into the night. He glanced around the courtyard, musing, "So, where'd you get the Christmas shit?"

"Carefully," you teased. "But the kids make most of the wreaths."

"Art projects?"

"Yeah. It's a sliver of normalcy - not that they ever know it. Honestly, most of the decorations are for the adults, it reminds them of what once was. It's nostalgic, comforting."

"Yeah... Yeah, somethin' like that. Oh, uh, speaking of decor bein' for the adults, I, uh, I brought you somethin'."

"You... You brought me a present?" You scoffed. "You didn't even know I was out here - that I was alive!"

"I-I guess I brought it for me, but now that you're here, I want you to have it. To remind us of our girls... If that's okay?"

"Well, you know me, darlin' - I never say no to presents," you teased with a grin, squeezing his hand.

[ pt. 2: read here ]

[ part one: Not So Heavenly Surprise: read here ]

requesting rules and masterlist

TLOU masterlist

[zorrasucia]

❛ i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know. ❜ carmy berzatto pls

Hi Anon! ✨

Of course! This is some established relationship naughtiness at The Bear. I hope you enjoy it! 💜

It was one of the first days of fall, and probably one of the last warm days of the year. And so, you were enjoying the weather: wearing your favorite dress and cleaning your apartment with the window open to let the soft breeze in. Your phone rang, the name on the screen read Sydney 🐻.

"Hi, Syd," you greeted her with a smile.

"Hey, uh," she hesitated, the sound of a hectic kitchen in the background. "Remember you told me I could call you when Carmy was being a pain in the ass? I know it was a joke and, you know, I'm not his babysitter and you're not either. Like, I know that. But, uh-" she had a nervous tone in her voice.

"Syd, it's okay," you reassured her. "It's Saturday, I bet things are insane in the kitchen."

"You have no idea," she let out a nervous chuckle. "I seriously wouldn't even be calling if I-"

Syd was right, that you weren't Carmy's babysitter but you could probably talk some sense into him. Besides, you didn't have work today - and they'd probably give you leftovers for your troubles.

"Hey. I'm on my way," you said. "Don't worry."

"Okay, okay," Syd sighed. "I'll, uh, I'll try to chill in the meantime."

You grabbed your keys and bag... You suddenly had a sinful idea and grinned.

~

You walked through the back door, avoiding servers and chefs, mumbling 'behind' every so often like you'd seen the rest of them do. You could make out Carmy's hoarse voice between all the noise.

"This steak is fucking dead! Refire. Chefs, wake the fuck up!"

"Hey, Carm," you called him.

He turned to look at you, eyes wide and fiery. "What are you doing here?" he rasped.

"Do you have a sec?" you said with a polite smile.

"Not really. I-" he looked disoriented and frantic.

Syd stepped in, looking determined. "I'll handle it. Go."

Carmy led you inside his office, exasperation radiating from him.

"Why are you-?" he started.

"Uh, Syd called," you replied, giving him a knowing look as he closed the door behind you.

"Fuck."

"Yeah. She said you were being a pain in the ass," you leaned on his desk.

"I- uh-" he hesitated, then covered his face, red from the heat of the kitchen but also from anger and shame. "She- she was being nice. I'm being an asshole."

You sat on his desk and sighed. "Thought so."

"Huh?" he tilted his head. You had caught him by surprise.

You gestured for him to come closer, so you could talk softer and look him in the eye.

"Listen, I know it gets super loud in your head, and you get overwhelmed and you lash out," you had seen it happen once or twice. "You need to step down when that happens."

"Syd-" he avoided your gaze. "Yeah, Syd has suggested it."

"So?" you cupped his face and tilted it towards you. "Can you do that? Can you let go for ten minutes and calm the fuck down?"

He blinked hard, stressed.

"I don't know," he confessed after a moment of consideration.

"I think you can, Carm," you encouraged him. Then, you put the second, more inappropriate part of your plan in motion. You grabbed his chef whites, and brought him closer, opening your legs to accommodate him. Then you whispered: "I'm not wearing any underwear. Thought you'd like to know."

Carmy stared at you, mouth agape.

"We're in the middle of service-"

"Listen," you gestured at the door. There were no loud bangs or screams, just the normal bustle of a kitchen; if anything it was quieter than when you first entered. "Syd is handling it. The rest of the kitchen is functioning. The sky isn't falling," you grabbed his face with both hands. "Now, will you just fuck me?"

"Shit."

He leaned down to kiss you hard, all tongue and teeth, biting a little. You ran your fingers through his hair, bringing him closer, crossing your ankles behind his waist.

"I need this to be fucking fast," he rasped against your lips.

"I know," you smiled while untying his apron and unbuckling his belt.

The mere indecency of showing up to Carmy's place of work planning to fuck him had made you wet enough to take him that very moment.

"Condoms?" he asked.

You took one out of your bag and handed it to him, palming his cock impatiently through his trousers.

"Fuck, baby," he groaned, eyes rolling to the back of his head.

He lowered his trousers and boxers just enough to pull out his cock. He grabbed the back of your knees to pull you closer to the edge of his desk, something feral about him. You bunched up your dress all the way up to your hips, confirming that you were indeed bare under it. Carmy's eyes widened.

"Shit..." his fingers touched your drenched pussy. "You planned this, the whole thing."

You nodded proudly, biting on your lip when he entered you.

"Can't believe you showed up, in the middle of service-" he murmured. "Jesus... To fuck me."

"Desperate times," you touched your forehead to his, his gaze intense. He bottomed out and you covered his mouth to muffle a whine. "See? I think you need it."

That was the tiny push he craved.

He fucked you mercilessly, forceful thrusts while he grabbed your thighs hard, keeping you on the edge of the desk, right where he wanted you. His rhythm was frantic, half out of urgency and half out of anger. You kept your hand on his mouth, silencing the tirade of curses and primal groans he was blurting. Your eyes were on him, breathy pleas leaving your lips.

"Give it to me. It's okay. Please. I need you. Please," you weren't sure if he could actually hear it all but you couldn't stop, not when you were so close to your release. Your pussy tightened around his cock, pulsing.

His grip on you faltered, eyebrows raising as he looked at you for confirmation.

You nodded, eyes half lidded in ecstasy. "Let go, baby. Let go."

He gave you a few desperate thrusts, your palm vibrating with the sound of his moans as he came.

Suddenly, the room felt eerily quiet, the only sounds that mattered were Carmy's panting and your heart's beating. You lowered your hand from his mouth to his chest.

"Shit," he closed his eyes, collecting himself.

"Mhmm," you swayed in your seat, moving his softening cock as you did so. "Better?"

He nodded, a little sheepish. "Thank you."

"Hey. Can't do this every time," you said honestly. The likelihood of you coming to fuck some sense into him on weekdays was low to none. "But why don't you think about this next time you're about to lose it?" you suggested.

"You want me to get hard while running the expo?" he chuckled. His heartbeat was slowing down.

"I mean, if that's what it takes to get you to step down and chill, sure," you teased.

While the idea of Carmy fucking his hand while thinking of you was appealing, it seemed a little impractical to do at the restaurant.

"Might just take a smoke break," he offered. "Save the fucking for when I get home."

"Deal," you kissed him and tapped his cheek gently. "Now, come on, get out there."

He got dressed and ready at a dizzying speed, taking time to rearrange your dress and kiss you one last time before returning to the kitchen. He left the door ajar, and you peeked just in time to see him give an apologetic nod to Syd and ask her to continue running the expo. It was a start. You were satisfied.

[dioslesbianwife]

Hello! I’d like to make a request too. It’s totally fine if it takes a while! My request is for HxH, specifically the Phantom Troupe, with a female member who has these traits: She’s a super intelligent genius, with incredibly smart and unpredictable devices—she’s basically the "Fix-It Felix" of the PT. Her inventions are always mind-blowing, super weird... yet functional! Her technology blends Nen. She’s known for being ditzy, bubbly, and silly, but can also be very sharp. Socially awkward, but really cool. She’s sweet, extroverted, cheerful, and a little odd and clumsy. Intense, obsessive, expressive, and hungry for knowledge. Has some wicked traits and a tendency to steal from others to fund her research, inventions, experiments, and/or theories. Can be prone to greed and the thirst for knowledge—there’s considerable conflict and reasoning between these two sides. She’s extremely curious and tends to meddle in dangerous situations and with dangerous people just to satisfy that curiosity. She’s nosy and honestly fearless when it comes to anything specific. Personality Idealistic, Sweet, Nice, altruistic, passionate about science, courageous, bold, and willing to conduct dangerous experiments. She was born into a poor family in the slums beneath her city. Faced hardships since childhood, both financial and social. The polluted outskirts gave her a rare, debilitating illness. Despite physical limitations, her mind developed without restraint, and she ended up modifying herself. She’s one of the founding members of the Troupe—the youngest at the time—but only officially joined the PT a few years later.

Appearance: Short hair always in cute little pigtails with colorful, adorable hair clips. Her hair is a reddish-magenta pink with light aqua-green streaks. Light emerald-green eyes, always wears a cap. Her outfits are casual/simple but stylish, usually with a bunny-print hoodie and accessories. Her clothes are colorful and/or pastel-toned. Fair skin, pear-shaped body type, chubby, with a broad bust. She’s small (162cm) and fast—really fast. She has a pet! A tiny, hat-wearing mouse with a Nen ability (developed by her) to multiply, named Sir Leptos P. Rose Murino Salmonellen. He’s a skittish and jumpy but fiercely brave and violent little rat with "ratistic squints." But he’s super, super loyal and devoted to the reader!

Sorry if this is too much, and thank you!

sure, it's not too much, thank you for requesting and i hope you enjoy!!

Chrollo Lucilfer

From the very beginning, he saw your potential. He didn’t care that you seemed clumsy or cheerful- he saw the fire under it all. That intelligence? That terrifying curiosity? That's what made you dangerous. 

He treats you like a ticking time bomb he’s both proud of and wary of.

Loves watching you work, and will occasionally stand silently at your shoulder reading a book as you tinker, startling you with a calm, “Fascinating... How does this device manipulate aura?”

He gives you free rein with Troupe funds and supplies- within reason. If you go overboard and steal from someone risky, he won’t yell. He’ll just coldly say, “Fix it,” and walk away. That look of quiet disappointment? More terrifying than anything.

Keeps a record of every invention of yours. You don’t know this, but he’s cataloguing everything you create.

Pakunoda

You fascinate her more than she lets on. Your bubbly way of speaking, the way you wave your arms around excitedly when explaining something incomprehensible to everyone but you- it makes her smile.

She silently watches over you like a big sister, especially when your curiosity gets you in trouble. She's the one pulling you out of bad deals, glaring down suspicious scientists, or patching you up after an experiment singes your eyebrows off.

She lets you test mind-based tech on her only because she trusts you deeply.

Sir Leptos hides in her coat often. She claims to hate it, but he likes her.

When she’s around, you feel braver and more emotionally safe- like you don’t need to pretend to be “normal” to be loved.

Shizuku

You are absolute besties, chaos twins, roommates in the "No Thoughts, Head Full of Nen Stuff" pipeline.

She doesn't understand half the stuff you say, but she listens to every word with a blank stare and a thumbs up.

Shizuku lends you parts from her vacuum without asking what for. You’ve rebuilt her vacuum four times by now. Once, it shot lasers. She was thrilled.

The two of you once got stuck in a garbage chute for four hours because of a teleportation experiment. She thought it was fun.

She thinks Sir Leptos is your son. You never corrected her.

Machi

Machi pretends to find you annoying, but she’s protective of you in the most intense big sister way.

You patched up her shoulder once with a healing nanobot bracelet. She never said thanks, but she still wears it- under her sleeve.

Constantly scolding you when you chase weird situations or dig into strange groups. “Idiot. You wanna die that bad?”

But if anyone else calls you names, she’ll have a thread around their throat before they finish the sentence.

Sometimes she brings you spare clothes when yours get ruined. They’re always pastel and oversized- clearly picked with you in mind.

Bonolenov

He's... very hard to read, but oddly fond of you.

Your respect for the structure and beauty of Nen-based inventions is what earns his admiration.

You once built him a speaker system that plays the exact vibration frequency his body emits in battle. He was dead silent for a full minute. Then simply said, “This is art.”

You ask him to dance-fight in front of your testing devices. He complies wordlessly. It’s one of the few ways he shows affection.

You gave him a bunny hoodie once. He still has it. No one has ever seen him wear it. But it smells like cedarwood and his incense- so you know he does.

Kortopi

He’s your lab buddy in silence. He doesn’t talk much, but you both understand the thrill of making things move and copy and twist in strange ways.

You lend him devices that help him enhance his duplication powers- he repays you with tools and raw materials.

Sometimes you communicate with sticky notes or odd contraptions that beep when he’s nearby.

You once tried to build a tiny robot clone of him and he watched silently… then duplicated it. Now there’s three.

You never question the way he stares at your machines. You just quietly push a notebook toward him when he starts scribbling.

Feitan

You are the most confusing person he has ever met.

You’re all rainbows and pastel bunny prints, but then you invent a grenade that turns people inside out and say it with a giggle.

He calls you "crazy mouse girl" or just “Nrd.”

But he respects the way you never back down, even when things go sideways. He’s even impressed by how you “modded” your own body to survive your illness. That’s survival at its finest.

He will never admit it, but he once stabbed a guy who insulted your hoodie.

When you nearly died in an experiment once, he stayed by your side and muttered, “Idiot should not scare me like that.”

Phinks

Your bubbly energy both delights and annoys him. You talk fast, you’re always touching stuff.

You make him some impressive gloves one time that he assumes are nothing special at first.

...But then he punched a boulder and it exploded like a bomb. You sweetly said, “Now with kinetic nen return amplification!” and beamed.

Calls you “Gadget Girl” and threatens to throw you out a window, but always shares snacks and secretly worries if you're limping.

He gives Sir Leptos tiny dumbbells. You don't know why.

Franklin

He’s the big uncle figure who gently reminds you to sleep and eat.

Will help lift heavy parts for you without a word.

He doesn't say much, but he watches over you from a distance, especially during battles, making sure you don’t get caught in the crossfire.

You once pouted in front of him because someone called your machines “freakish.” He gave you a giant handkerchief and told you, “Your brain’s a blessing.”

Shalnark

You two are the hyperactive tech besties from hell.

He pokes fun at your hoodie ears and sometimes dares you into science challenges.

You stay up for days doing collaborative projects, drinking twelve cups of sugar-tea.

He lives for the chaos you bring. Once he helped you make a holographic decoy of the Troupe. It danced. Chrollo walked in. Shalnark laughed so hard he choked.

He genuinely respects your mind, though. Will warn you if you’re in danger. May or may not be a little in love with your brain.

Uvogin

He thinks you’re adorable. Like a pocket-sized chaos gremlin with explosives.

He calls you “Boom Bunny” and picks you up and swings you around like you weigh nothing.

He LOVES testing your battle inventions. Especially the huge ones.

“WHAT DOES THIS DO?!” Presses it immediately.

He once tried to eat one of your colorful protein cubes and nearly passed out. You just said, “Oh no, that was for rocket fuel. Oopsie.”

Nobunaga

Thinks you're way too smart for your own good and doesn’t understand a single word of your science speak.

Tries to challenge you in duels so you’ll stop inventing and “learn to fight like a samurai.”

But secretly, he worries about your obsession with dangerous stuff. Tells you stories from Meteor City, hoping it’ll help you find balance between brilliance and destruction.

You built him a sword sharpener that also sings old battle chants. He still uses it, pretending it doesn’t make him smile.

You bicker like siblings, but he’d die for you if needed.

[cosmicbucky]

A chubby reader who's super self conscious of her belly and bust? Like she's strong and stuff, comes with the higher weight, but just....

Cant really wear anything unless it's sweats and a sweater, or a t-shirt. Almost never goes out.

And one day Bucky comes to the compound. Reader immediately gets a crush, and has major anxiety over it, like "leaving the room when he comes near" anxiety. Bucky thinks it's his fault, that he's done something wrong and talks to you about it.

He decides to talk to you about it, crying ensues because insecurities, and then the fluff.

Sorry this ask is so long, I'm kinda scrambled XP

hi, lovely! 💫

first of all, don't apologize for bringing this beautiful request into my world! i was beyond excited to have the chance to bring this idea to life, and i hope the direction i took with it does justice to what you had in mind!

second of all, i am so sorry this took me so long to put out, this request is so lovely and i really wanted to make it the best i could.

i hope you enjoy!

matches

pairing: bucky barnes x midsize!reader

word count: 3974

warnings: insecurities and self consciousness, mild body image issues, brief self depreciating thoughts, angst, mutual pining, fluff, swearing, allusions to mature themes, let me know if i missed anything!

please do not read this if you're not comfortable with any of the above topics. while they are not heavily focused on, they are the main theme of this fic

a/n: big thanks to @buckylattes for reading this and catching some of the dumb ass mistakes i made lmao

《《《《 ♡ 》》》》

Being part of the Rescue and Reconnaissance division of Stark Industries wasn't the most glamorous job, but you loved it. You got to work nearly hand in hand with field agents every day, formulating plans for raids, rescues, infiltrations, or general takedown missions to make sure all those involved worked as safely and efficiently as possible. 

You were the one they turned to when a new plan was needed; when they were at risk. There were a few agents who refused to listen to anyone other than you when it came to these times - specifically asking for you to help them through. 

Agent Barnes was one of these people, and though you could never voice it, he was your favourite to deal with. He was always kind and courteous, understanding in the fact that despite not being in the same rankings as him, you damn well knew what you were doing. And, well, it didn't hurt that he always found a moment to be a charming little flirt. 

You have no idea why he had such faith in you. Maybe it was because you always took what he suggested into consideration when calculating next steps. Maybe it was because your ideas were as crazy as his sometimes. Maybe it was simply because he liked the sound of your voice. 

You never knew. 

You never actually met him.

All your dealings with field agents were done from the safety of your control room. You never minded it, though. It was nice, in a way. You absolutely loved doing what you do, but you would never be able to handle being around field agents all the time. Not when they look the way they do, and you…. well, you're you. 

Your thighs touch when you walk, your belly shakes when you laugh, your arms jiggle when you move. You have to painstakingly pick out the right kinds of shirts, otherwise your chest will make it seem like you're three times as big as you really are. 

You were the chubby girl who always hid in the shadows, too afraid to let the world see how bright you truly shine - you were a flame ready to ignite, but no one around you ever offered you a match. 

You were used to it. You made peace with it a long time ago, finding solace in your own company instead of relying on other people to enjoy your time with. It still bothered you from time to time, and you let yourself have days where you wallowed in it, wishing things were different, wishing you looked different. Though, for the most part, it stopped bothering you so much the older you got. 

Until the day you finally met Bucky. 

It was a strange day, being sent to the compound. You've never been sent anywhere before, always planted in your seat while talking to field agents across the world. Yet here you were, being requested by Tony Stark himself. 

You must have spent hours trying to find the right outfit. One that showed off your curves without accentuating the extra pudge around your middle. One that complimented your chest without highlighting the size. One that showed off your ass without making it look massive. One that carefully hid your arms. One that you felt comfortable in. 

It felt like your heart was in your throat the whole time. The butterflies in your stomach turned into a full on frenzy, and you had to take deep breaths every few seconds to stay calm; and to not throw up. 

You barely heard it when Tony said he wanted you working under him. You could hardly process it when he said he created a job just for you. You didn't quite understand it when he told you there was space for you at the compound, and he wanted you here full time. 

All you could do was dumbly nod your head, trying to focus on what he was saying instead of the fact that Bucky Barnes was just outside the conference room. 

By the time the meeting was over, you felt lightheaded. You clutched the contract you were given against your chest and took a final deep breath before leaving the room, hoping to get by unnoticed. It's not like he even knew who you really were, right? 

A gentle calling of your name told you that you were very, very wrong. 

Your feet became rooted in place as you squeezed your eyes shut, focusing all you could on calming your nerves before turning around. And jesus christ, nothing could have prepared you for how beautiful this man actually was in person. 

"Hi," you breathed out, a tiny shy smile gracing your lips. 

"Hi," he said, unintentionally mimicking you. 

His eyes travelled over your face before taking their time roaming your body; you shifted uncomfortably and clutched the contract a little tighter as he stayed fixed on you. A smirk graced his lips, but it was gone before you could really focus on it. 

"It's, uh-... it's nice to finally meet you, Agent Barnes," you muttered sheepishly, hesitantly offering him your hand. 

"You can call me Bucky," he said, smiling warmly as he took your hand in his, sending fire throughout your whole body. "I'd like to say thank you for saving my ass as often as you do, but thank you doesn't seem like enough."

You chuckled, feeling your face flush under his gaze. "'Thank you' suffices just fine, Bucky. I've only been doing my job."

"Speaking of," he started, tilting his head a little as he eyed the contract you held. "You gonna take it?" he asked curiously, his eyes snapping back to yours. 

"What?" you asked, caught off guard by his question.

"The job," he said, gesturing between the contract in your hands and the conference room you just occupied. "You gonna say yes?" 

"How do you know about that?" you asked curiously.

"I know things," he said passively, shrugging his shoulders. "How 'bout I show you around? You can see the place before you decide anything."

You wanted to say no. You wanted to run away and retreat into yourself once more. Though something about the way he was looking at you made it hard to do so. 

So, you agreed. 

And that's how everything started. 

You took the job, moving into the compound a few days after that. You quickly made friends with the girls, and they became your support group; they would help you when it came to shopping for clothes or finding the right outfit for events. They offered to go for walks with you or do yoga - anything you felt like doing, really. You still felt inferior to them from time to time, but not because they made you feel that way; no one at the compound did. 

Only yourself. 

When it came to the boys, it was more or less the same thing. You felt comfortable around them, and you never minded close contact or them seeing you in tighter fitting clothes. 

Everyone was family, and it never felt awkward or uncomfortable around them. 

Except for when it came to Bucky. 

You still grew closer to him over the months of you living at the compound so far, but it hasn't been easy. It was a constant challenge, and it grew harder for you day after day.

When it came to you working alongside him on his missions, everything was great. Nothing with him changed, aside from him throwing out a few more flirty comments. And, since you still had the safety net of being behind comms, you threw some right back at him. 

Once the missions were over, though, it was hard to be around him. You wanted to be around him, but it was nearly impossible. Your feelings for him grew, and the stronger your feelings were, the more distant you became. 

You were careful to only wear sweaters or loose tees paired with sweatpants around him, making sure he would never catch sight of the extra weight you carried around. You quit eating around him; it's not like you had bad eating habits, but you couldn't shake the panic that he would somehow be disgusted, that he would think the reason you're so chubby was because of your diet. You stopped sitting near him during movie nights, and you never hugged him. No matter how much you itched to wrap your arms around him when he came home safe from missions, you couldn't risk him feeling the rolls your body carried, or how soft and pudgy you were. 

It was driving Bucky crazy.

From the minute he finally set his eyes on you, he couldn't get you out of his head. He was beyond thrilled when you agreed to Stark's offer, and he couldn't wait to take the opportunity to get to know you - which was a massive step for him. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling he did something to upset you. 

He grew more confused every day. When it came to conversing over the comms during missions, you two were like a well oiled machine; giggles and flirting and jokes of previous missions. No one would ever know something was amiss. 

Yet when everyone would return home, it was like a switch was flipped. You greeted everyone with hugs and smiles and affection, and Bucky always waited patiently for his turn: but it never came. Instead, you turned to him with an awkward smile and shining eyes and gave him the traditional "welcome home, soldier" that, despite everything, always pulled a smile from his lips. 

He racked his brain every night trying to figure out if he did something, if he said something, but he could never come up with anything. He could never find a reason for the way you would some days leave the room as soon as he entered, for why you always hid away from him when he would catch you off guard in workout clothes or formal attire. He could never come up with an explanation and it was eating him alive. 

The final straw came for him on the night of Pepper’s birthday party. 

He didn’t want to go, he never wanted to go to these things, but ever since you came around he found himself more willing to at least make an appearance; if only to see you. However, he wasn’t even positive if you were going to show up this time, given the way you’ve been so distant lately - and that made him not want to go at all. So he was biding his time, sitting in the kitchen and emptying a bottle of whiskey, trying to not make it obvious that he was waiting to see if you’d wander out of your room before he slipped away to the party.

You stood in front of your mirror for what felt like hours, never before feeling more diffident as you assessed your reflection. You’ve been to some of Tony’s parties before, but this was for Pepper - it was the most grandiose one you’ve attended to date. You weren’t left much choice but to dress your fanciest, and you felt so unfamiliar with your own body as your hands trailed down the fabric of your dress. It was form fitting, hugging every curve you had and accentuating your figure in a way you weren’t used to seeing. The straps were small and the cut was low, it travelled midcalf and had a small slit up the side, showing way more of your leg than you wanted. You had a burning desire to change, but Nat insisted you looked incredible, and Wanda already applied a touch of makeup to match the dress - not to mention you were already running late as it was. 

With one last heavy sigh, you steeled yourself before slipping on your heels and marching out of your room. You thought of anything and everything you could as you marched down the hall, doing your best to pay no mind to the way you felt the fabric clinging to your body with every move you made. God, you really should have put on shapewear. 

Bucky heard you before he saw you, your footfalls echoing through the floor in the same pattern he came to memorize in the months you’ve been here. He took a deep breath, prepared for the fact that you would most likely brush him off once more. He was not prepared, though, for the sight of you as you rounded the corner. 

You were not prepared to see him sitting there, clad in a pressed suit, or for him to quite literally choke on the drink he was nursing as he took in your presence. 

“Jesus, Bucky. Are you alright?” you inquired, conflicted between staying where you stood and approaching him. 

A dismissive wave of his hand had you staying in place, your arms wrapping around your middle as you began to feel exposed to him. 

“I’m fine, I’m good,” he coughed out, refilling his glass as if nothing happened. 

You stood there quietly, completely unsure of what to do next. The silence was becoming louder and louder but you didn’t want to draw his attention to you. Not when you were looking like this. Not when he’d be able to see every curve and divot of your body, the protrusion of your stomach, the ample raise of your chest. You were really starting to regret not changing. 

“Are you gonna stand there and stare all night or head to the party?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the glass before him. His tone was playful, but his voice had a rasp to it that sent a shiver down your spine. 

“Oh, uh - sorry,” you muttered, clearing your throat as you slowly advanced in his direction. “Are, um-… are you gonna join the party?” 

He huffed a small laugh, his eyes finally raising to meet yours only to find that you were looking almost everywhere but at him, effectively wiping the small smile from his face. 

“I’m not so sure,” he said lowly, downing the contents of his glass as he kept his eyes on you. 

You hummed, looking down at your hands before chancing a glance at him; his gaze on you so intense that you immediately looked away again. 

“Well, I- I hope to see you there,” you said sincerely, wringing your fingers together. “You look really nice, Buck” you added quietly, looking up at him just long enough to flash him a warm smile before continuing through the kitchen. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he called after you, the hurt in his voice impossible to miss. 

“What?” you asked in confusion, turning to glance in his direction. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he repeated, leaning back in his chair. “Because ever since you moved in here, it’s like you can’t stand the sight of me.” 

You couldn’t help the nervous chuckle that left you, shaking your head in disbelief. “That’s not true.” 

“No?” he asked, his tone taking on a new edge. “Are you sure? ‘Cause you can’t even fucking look at me right now. You practically run from me when I enter the same room, you do everything you can to avoid me, and let’s not forget the fact that I’m the only one around here who you don’t hug after getting back from missions.”

“Bucky-” you tried to explain, but the lump forming in your throat stopped you short. 

“I just wanna know what I did,” he carried on, voice softer this time. “I don’t know if you’re angry with me or- or if you’re scared of me-” 

“I am not scared of you,” you interrupted, finally meeting his gaze. “Please don’t think that.”

“What else am I supposed to think?” he asked quietly. “Everything is fine when I’m out on the field, we- I get along with you better than anyone. But then I come home, and it’s not the same.”

“It’s not-... it’s not like that, Bucky,” you whispered sadly, unintentionally looking away from him again. 

“Yeah, if you say so,” he said curtly, sighing in defeat as he filled his glass again. “Just enjoy the party, okay?”

“You’re not coming?” you asked, unable to keep the disappointment from your voice. 

“Well, you’re just gonna avoid me anyway. Might as well make it easier for you and stay here,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the twirling glass in his hands. 

“I don’t want you to think like that,” you admitted softly. “I- I don’t mean to do the things I do.”

“Then why do they happen?” he inquired, his eyes meeting yours and displaying a painful mix of hurt and confusion. 

“Because,” you started, feeling your bottom lip quiver. “I mean, look at me, Buck,” you finished, as if that was explanation enough. 

“Believe me, I’m looking,” he said gently. “And you look-... well, I wanna say you look beautiful, but that implies you don’t always look beautiful, so, I- I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” he added, his voice so low he may as well have been speaking to himself, but you heard every word he muttered. 

“...What?” you breathed out, staring over at him. 

“What?” he questioned, glancing up to catch your eye.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat but it just kept on growing, forcing you to choke on your words. 

“Hey, wait, don’t-... okay, now I really said something wrong, right?” he asked quickly, starting to panic as he watched your eyes fill with tears. 

Shaking your head vehemently, you delicately wiped your eyes, hoping not to smudge the work that Wanda did for you. “No, you- I just didn’t expect you to say that. I-... I'm not used to hearing that." 

"You're not?" he asked, genuinely surprised. 

You almost laughed, and you probably would have if it wasn't such an embarrassing thing to admit. "No. I'm… guys don't really call girls who look like me beautiful." 

He fell silent for a minute, eyeing you carefully before shifting in his seat, resting his arms on the table.

"You know, I've been alive for a pretty long time now," he said conversationally, as if you weren't on the cusp of a breakdown. "And I've also been quite literally around the whole world in that time. Some of it I remember, some of it… not so much. But even so, do you know what the one thing I can say with complete certainty is?" 

You waited for him to go on for a moment before realizing he was actually looking for an answer. "No, what?" you manage to croak out. 

He smiled softly, relaxing in his seat again. "I have, quite literally, never met anyone as beautiful as you. And I mean in both appearance and personality." 

"But I- I'm not… I don't have the kind of body like the other women around here," you murmured, casting your gaze downwards as if you were ashamed of your words. 

"So?" he asked incredulously. "Do you seriously think that you're automatically not beautiful just because you aren't the same size as them?" 

"No, it- you can't- I'm not-" you tried to argue, but all you could get out were a few utterances before you had to choke back a sob, completely lost on how to express yourself. 

"Is this why you've been avoiding me? Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?" he asked anxiously, fighting the urge to approach you. 

"Yes. I mean no, I-" you cut yourself off with a sigh, taking a moment to consider your answer. "I've been too embarrassed to be around you. I-... I was afraid you'd be repulsed by me and that I'd lose you." 

"Repulsed by you? A woman who puts fucking goddesses to shame?" he asked in disbelief. "Did me choking on my drink earlier not prove how taken by you I am?" 

"Is that what that was?" you wondered, letting out a watery laugh. 

"Yeah, that's what that was," he confirmed with a soft chuckle. "A guy does a real life spit take when he sees the girl of his dreams looking like the focus of a goddamn renaissance painting and she doesn't even realize it," he mumbled in exasperation, yet his eyes carried a playful sparkle. 

"The girl of your dreams?" you repeated in shock, your voice a nervous whisper. 

"Was that too cliché?" he questioned, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

"Maybe a little," you said playfully, sniffling quietly. 

"I know how it feels, you know," he said softly. "To feel uncomfortable in your own body. But if you'd let me, I'll spend every day proving to you that I see you as nothing short of perfect." 

You could only nod, giving him a weak smile as you fought back a wave of tears. "Yeah, I-... I could do that, too," you agreed quietly. 

He grinned softly, greedily taking in your appearance once more before tearing his eyes away. "Come on," he urged, downing his drink before standing up. "You owe me about seven dances." 

"Where does that number come from?" you asked with a laugh, watching as he approached you. 

"For how many parties you snubbed me at so far," he replied casually, stopping as he stood before you. 

"I never snubbed you," you grumbled, peering up at him. 

"Sure you didn't," he teased, carefully wiping the tears from your face. 

"Do I still look okay?" you asked nervously, fidgiting slightly under his touch. 

"Gorgeous as ever," he replied sincerely. 

You couldn't help but grin, laughing a little anxiously. "Okay. Come on, or else we won't have enough time for all those dances." 

Bucky laughed happily, taking your hand and rushing to join the party, having you giggling in his wake as you did your best to keep up. 

You let him whisk you away for the rest of the night, leading you through all the dances you owed him; and a few more, for good measure, as Bucky put it. 

He stayed true to his word, and there wasn't a second that you spent with him where you didn't feel like the most ravishing woman to walk the earth.

Especially when he took his precious time in the dark of the night to memorize and worship every inch of your body over and over again.

So as you sat here now, watching from across the room as he danced with the crowd, you couldn't help but feel foolish. Foolish for letting your thoughts take away the extra time you could have had with him, foolish for ever thinking this incredible man would ever judge you for something so trivial. Foolish, foolish, foolish. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" you heard from beside you, ripping you from your reverie.  

You turned your head, grinning as you saw the very man himself had taken up the seat to your left. "What, get tired of dancing already, old man?" 

He gasped, feigning offense as he took in your words. "I'd watch who you're calling old, sweetheart," he warned playfully. 

"I'd watch who you're calling sweetheart. I happen to be a married woman now, you know," you replied jovially.

"Married, huh? Should've known I didn't stand a chance," he lamented, shaking his head. "How about a pity dance?" he suggested with a grin, holding his hand out to you. 

You giggled softly, taking his hand with a grin of your own. "Lead the way, Mr. Barnes." 

"Anything for you, Mrs. Barnes," he replied with a wink, leading you to the dance floor. 

And just like he did three years ago, he whisked you away and led you through a whole seven dances; and a few more, for good measure. 

You were a flame, finally ignited, and Bucky was your match.

[daydreamgoddess14]

The Reading Rooms

Another week down... they just keep coming, don't they?! Sometimes I think it might slow down but then I realise that this is probably just my life now 😅

Previous weeks Masterlist

Always remember to heed the warnings posted by the individual authors. What I'm happy to read may not be what you're happy to read, so I take no responsibility if you find something you're not into.

And finally, Tumblr is a community. Reblog, gush like you've never gushed before - I promise you, the authors below will love it, and love you for it! We write because we love to, but we share our work because we love the community of it. If you read something you like, let the world know! 💕

The List

Such an exciting week! I hit 800 followers - considering I haven't planned anything for 500/600/700 yet I really need to get on with some kind of event 🤭 Lets see in a couple of weeks. I have an assignment due at the end of next week so if you see me here, no you didn't - ok? Writing wise, I posted the first chapter of Strategic Interests! It landed initially with a bit of a whimper more than a bang - but I have FOUR chapters in the bag and I hate sitting on them so I'm going to post chapter 2 tomorrow 🙌 For my Hollywood AU lovers out there, For Your Consideration is coming, I promise - she's just being an angsty diva is all 😅

Onto the reading!

Bucky Barnes

Tension is a Loaded Gun by @keithyp00 - YESSSS this was so good, absolutely delicious!

@mercurial-chuckles - Yield to Me - that bloody cat! So cute and angry but not at you Bucky is just perfection!

where the quiet lives by @cursedheartsclub is literally the most beautiful. An absolute must read this week - it's divine.

@sunday-bug knows the way to my heart. Light as a Feather was the cutest, fluffiest, perfectest little nugget of joy I needed!

I recommended Jenga a few weeks ago... there's a Part 2! Now go and thank @skaye44 nicely!

A Home with You @donaweasley so romantic, so sweet, so lovely! 💕

Wounded Pride by @orellazalonia was so fun!

I will never apologise for putting Declassified on this list every bloody week. @dreamwritesimagines posted chapter 9 and I remain utterly obsessed with the HURDLES she puts in their way! Meanwhile I'm itching for these dolls to kiss already!!

That Was Mine by @societyfolklore YUMMMMY Bucky is the only snack I need.

holy SHIT @buckyseternaldoll - knifes edge AND eighteen hours AND every inch, every corner were ALL so hot. SO HOT!!! Also, Elle has gone from about 70 to 700 followers in about two days. RIP her notifications but so, so deserved! Congratulations sweetheart! 😘

The Escort by @azriona was EXCELLENT and everyone slept on it! and I also read Even on a Thursday (Peggy x Steve) In fact, you all need to haul ass to Azriona's blog and catch up with the many deaths of Clint Barton AND her new Stucky x Reader fic Reflections which I need to catch up on!

John Walker

From the Bottom of my Heart; fuck you. by @rissararity - I mean, the title alone is incredible, right?! This was so great!

Harder by @geeky-politics-46

Bob Reynolds

Pouring My Love onto You by @feelingdozy was adorable 🥹

I am confessing my eternal shame here. I read a gorgeous Bob fic where he grows a little bit of a beard and reader has a glorious oh shit moment when she realises how hot he is.... and NOW I CAN'T FIND IT!!! When I find it - and I will, I promise I will reblog the shit out of it. In the meantime, if you know the one I mean - link it!!

Joaquin Torres

Misunderstanding by @lives-in-midgard was so super cute!! I love Joaquin so much 🥹🥹

Jake Seresin

Feels Like Home by @crossskylinesandcontrails - gorgeous!!!

And that's the week. I'm calling it there even though there are about 956,934 fic in my drafts to read. I need to stop writing for a hot minute so I can read instead... but the muse is here and I don't want to kick the bitch out so I'm afraid I must write!

[r0-boat]

I’ve been starving for ZZZ stuff on here, so can I get some first kiss headcanons for Caesar, Zhu Yuan, and Ellen please?

Hello! I would love to do your ask. However, I'm going to switch out Ellen Joe (since she's a minor)for Jane Doe

ZZZ Your First Kiss Headcannons

Gn!reader x Caeser/Jane Doe/Zhu Yuan SFW!!!

Caesar

Oh my god, shut up, shut the fuck up! This is actually happening?! She has literally dreamed about this moment, That's why she hasn't had her first kiss either. And now here you are her partner admitting to her that you never kissed anyone before. She's trying so hard to control herself right now but she's shaking so much the bench is shaking. Damn it where are wingman when you need them!?

Caesar is having an internal war about 40 of her thoughts probably even more stabbing her all at once. As she tries so hard to ring herself in and calm herself down so she can act cool. Probably too late because on the outside to you, Caesar is staring off into space.

You calling her name finally breaks her out, "Cesar are you okay? You're turning red..." Had she been staring off? And you look so worried for. She just sighs and tells the truth "yeah I'm just... A little nervous... This is kind of like a dream come true for me and I haven't kissed anyone either so-"

She was so focused on what she was trying to say. She didn't realize that your lips were pressed against hers. It all happened so fast that all she could feel was gentle pillowy lips against hers before melting.... Wow... Kissing is nice... Kissing is very nice... She's definitely going to get used to kissing.

As soon as you pull away she pulls you back in for another. She will definitely be thinking about this for a long time.

Zhu Yuan

She honestly doesn't mean to make fun of you when she smiles and giggles at that. She just finds it cute. She doesn't judge at all I mean she's definitely kissed people before but was as far as she went when it came to her dating life. And she's actually really happy for you to choose her as your first kiss. She can see why some people think it's special. She was one of those people who thought the same way after all.

"do you want me to initiate or?" She would ask with a smile. Which is nice of her to be considerate but honestly it just makes you more nervous. If you are the one who initiates she will patiently wait for you even if some of your signals are mixed. You're just as awkward as she is.

If you want her to initiate though... She'll make sure it's special. Zhu Yuan is a woman of many properties but what she really Is: is a prepared woman! She scarily knows a lot about you and will use that to your every weakness! Zhu Yuan tends to lean into people pleasing when it's people she really likes. And for this special occasion she leans into it 100%.

A lot of pressure... I know a little intimidating I know... But she just wants to make something that you care about feel special, since you really seem to want your first kiss to be special.

When she finally does kiss you Zhu Yuan kind of accidentally uses her tongue as she gets a little too into it. She's super apologetic about it. While you have no idea where she learned this. But you're kind of into it?

Jane Doe

Awww, That's cute. (Don't worry she's only half teasing) You're innocence is quite refreshing. Jane knows that her presence can be a little intimidating so she always tries to ease people's anxiety and you are no different, especially being her partner.

If it helps, she'll close her eyes if you ask her to initiate. She will ponder for a minute. The offer is tempting... As she currently thinks about the all devious ways she can really tease you, She ultimately declines; she wants you to do it. She wants you to kiss her for your first time What partner wouldn't want that?

Yes she is enjoying this, her tail is swaying much more like a cat enjoying its favorite toy than a rat. Once you finally do. You hear a squeal from her. Like putting her head in her hands and kicking her feet high school girl squeal. She couldn't hold it in anymore...

Jesus how are you so fucking cute!? She's going to have cuteness aggression if you keep doing this to her heart. She wants more kisses She demands more!

She's never ever once thought about the importance of a first kiss till now. She thinks about your first kiss with her a lot.

[m00ngirl777]

Okay idea - peter and the reader getting unready together after like a big party or a rough day. Like just them being super domestic and in love

Idk why but that concept is just so dear to me

Might as Well Be Drunk in Love

Peter Parker x reader

REQUEST

“Welcome to the Stark Industries Annual Firefighters of New York Gala…in this night we want to acknowledge and celebrate the hard work of the many…” You stood beside Peter, watching Pepper switch flashcards she read at the considerable crowd surrounding her. She was inaugurating the annual gala thrown for the firefighter departments in New York, where they dedicated the night not only to shower them in praise but to showcase the the renewal of all the departments equipment, curtsey of the company, “I invite you to raise your glasses for a toast, to these heroes and…” An

summary: babygirl asked babyboy to go to one of the stark industries parties, its some fundraiser for endangered birds or smth, and she knows peter cannot get drunk, and the only reason she even goes to these is to do that, so she convinces Thor to give her some of his very aged special booze and spikes peters drinks, WITH HIS CONCENT, so they both get absolutely wasted to the point of hazardous, they leave the party and STRUGGLE to get unready for bed, together.

A/N: I am so very sorry I took nearly three months to answer this request, I don't know why I am the way I am, I sorry. I love you sir this is a Wendy's, you're so nice to me and my writing anyways hope you love it, thxx for reading, love u, byeeee. xoxo. -N.

p.s. my requests are open my loves<333 but I might take three months to answer :(

TW: drinking, sexual stuff, no smut.

WC: 1419

- - -

“Welcome to the Stark Industries Annual Firefighters of New York Gala…in this night we want to acknowledge and celebrate the hard work of the many…” You stood beside Peter, watching Pepper switch flashcards she read at the considerable crowd surrounding her. She was inaugurating the annual gala thrown for the firefighter departments in New York, where they dedicated the night not only to shower them in praise but to showcase the the renewal of all the departments equipment, curtsey of the company, “I invite you to raise your glasses for a toast, to these heroes and…” And to getting drunk, you clinked your glass to Peter’s, before urging him to down it with you.

“Ugh…” You watched Peters face contort into a grimace and then stick out his tongue, “That’s… ugh…”

“It’s not that bad… bitter…” You downed the last bit of it before setting it on some waiters tray to go look for more. 

“At least you get something out of it…” You bit the inside of your cheek at the comment, knowing you had the perfect solution for that. 

You craned your neck searching for the bar, spotting it, grabbing Peter’s arm and dragging him with you, “Come on, lets got get you not champagne…” 

“Hi, good night… could you get me a cosmo double cranberry and a coke with ice…please…” You slid the bartender a generous tip and turned back to Peter. As you leaned back on the island, waiting for the drinks, Peter snaked a hand around your waist, perfectly fitting himself to your side.

“You look… gorgeous… by the way,” He said, with bit of an awestruck look in his eye.

“You could use haircut…” you snarked back, he nodded with a smirk, you leaned in to kiss his temple, then wiped any lipgloss residue. 

“Here you go miss…” You turned at the voice of the bartender, could I get an extra vodka shot…” He gave you an almost judgemental look if it wasn’t for the amused one on top. You took the shoot and chased it with the drink, Peter side eyed you while sipping the coke, and soon the bartender walked away. 

“Don’t look at me like that… we’ll die of boredom if we don’t get wasted…its my goal for tonight…” 

“Yeah… my coke’s gonna do the trick…”

“That will get you closer to a sugar rush than anything else… no…” You reached in your small purse for the vile, “but this will”, you twinkled the small bottle in front of him. Peter looked at you with raised eyebrows waiting for an answer.

“It’s Thor’s magic booze” You said like it was the most obvious thing.

“WhAt?!” He looked around when he noticed how loud he had been, “what? No way” He went to grab it before you closed your hand around it yanking it back, “I’m in charge,” You opened it and didn’t even had to pull it closer to smell something that stunk stronger than pure medical grade ethanol.

“Let’s hope you don’t go blind,” Peter guarded his drink with a concerned look, “You won’t go blind silly… I’m joking,” You grabbed his glass and poured something close to a shot, and mixed. 

“Y/n… is this safe?” He looked at you with those concerned puppy eyes, so you grabbed the drink and took a sip, “Whatever happens to you happens to me,” You pecked his lips, and grabbed your own drink, he smiled softly and that’s how it began. The single drink had him giggling and stumbling over the place, you got a glimpse into Peter, just Peter, no spider-man, no superhuman senses, or reflexes, just a giggling, clumsy, blushing mess, that you would’ve been able to appreciate if you hadn’t been overly near as intoxicated as him. 

You were on your own little world, the fastest night of urging the other for just one more drink, laughing at all the inappropriate times, crashing into strangers, and of course making out in the sidelines.

“Baby, where ar-hmp,” You crashed your lips into his after you dragged him to an empty hallway, you bit his lip and he whimpered as he let you stick your tongue in his mouth, whining anytime you’d pull away. 

“Let’s go…”

“Mhm…hm…”

You grabbed his hand and blundered to the elevator, as soon as the doors closed you pushed him against the doors and kissed him, the fifty floors you were lifted you had your tongue teasing him, finally got to your floor and the doors opened, Peter and yourself being so out of it, you fell back. Peter on his back, and you right on top of him, after the thirty seconds of trying to cath his breath, there was at least two minutes of hysterical shrieks of laughter. 

“We should get up…” Peter said, underneath you.

“Yeah,” You said, laying on top of him, with no effort to move.

“Okay…okay…1, 2, ugh!” He sat up, and you with him. He stood up and took your hand, helping you up, before knocking you on your feet, bridal style, he carried you to the bedroom, as you turned into a blushing giggling even more of a mess. 

 He got in the room with you, put you down just to push you against the door he had closed, your dressed bunched up as he grasped the leg he had lifted up to his hip, his other hand on your waist, setting you in place, as he took lead on kissing you, gently, slowly, messy, spit, tongue, lips, teeth, all over the place, but still made your tummy turn. 

“I love you…”, he trailed kisses from your mouth to your neck, biting, licking, and sucking, to gentle for any intention of leaving any marks, he just wanted to taste you. 

“Make love to me…”

He paused and snorted, then burst out laughing, making the heat in your core travel to your cheeks, the multiple drinks hanging over your head almost making your eyes sting with warm tears, when Peter saw that sight he pulled you in, kissing your temple. 

“‘msorry’msorry’msorry…baby,” he kissed your temple and cheek, still trying to contain his laughter, “’m sorry,” he cupped your face, still grinning like and idiot, “i didn’t mean it baby… you know im sorry, right?” You nodded, your flushed face still riddled with puppy eyes and a small pout, that he kissed until you were giggling with him again, “let’s go to bed…yeah?” he nuzzled his nose in your pulse point, breathing in your perfume. 

You walked to your closet, tying your hair up and got out of your heels, you tried getting the dress off, the zipper stuck.

“Peteeerrr!” You whined for him to help you, he placed warm hands on your back and pulled the zipper down in one swift motion, breaking it, but you didn’t have to know that, before you could notice, he let the dress fall, and help you out of it, before placing a soft kiss to your bare back that made you shiver, you grabbed a shirt of his and threw it on, then turned around to se him undoing the buttons of his shirt, you went to help him. 

“You’re so pretty Peter,” He blushed, letting you undress him, until he had nothing but his boxers on, you wrapped arms around him whining. 

“What is it, baby?” 

“I don’ wanna brush my teeth…take my make up off,” you jerked against him, stomping your foot, which he found adorable. 

“You gotta,” 

“No!” 

Yes. You took off your make up and roughly washed your face, then brushed your teeth, just as hard and fast wanting to be done with it, after that Peter walked you to your vanity, and scooped some of that expensive moisturizer you liked and coated your face in it, giving you a very weird massage he thought would help relax you, wich turned into him squeeing your face into making weird faces and laughing at you.

“qUIT thAt! Peeteeerrrr!” He chuckled, after he was done amusing himself, finally you made it to bed. Tangled in each other, you where on your back, Peter on your chest making himself very comfortable in your breasts. 

“You’re so soft,” He nuzzled in as he kneaded one of your breasts, making you flush.

“How would you feel if I was doin that to your balls?!”

“Fucking great,” Which made you even hotter. 

He wrapped both arms around you, squeezing you, still nuzzled in your chest.

“I love you…”

“I love you too, baby”

[housemdork]

house md rewatch: 1x11, "detox"

house's first dance with withdrawal, the ducklings' shaken faith, and wilson's devotion.

i will be hilson posting in here but! i swear it's actually rooted in some serious thought & consideration lol.

at the top of the recap, i'll include a question - house was dressed pretty well this episode, and has been thus far, with collared shirts, coats, etc. just no lab coat. do you think this changes over time just due to normal tv wardrobe changes, or can we take this as another example of his canonical decline? i can go either way, myself.

anyways! doesn't he look like that one portrait of mary in the above picture? this episode felt like microdosing 5x23-6x02 (iykyk). after rearing its head pretty strongly in 1x09, house's vicodin takes center stage, and he makes a pretty interesting claim to cuddy in the conversation that precedes their bet: "pills don't make me high. they make me neutral." the question of what neutrality means for house is SO interesting.

repression/suppression is a theme we commonly associate with wilson as the show evolves, but 1x11 is super up front that house is Holding Things Back via his addiction (he won't use that lingo at first), which is yet another tease at what his collective backstory looks like. we also get the first mention of his infarction in this episode, along with a vague timeline; wilson details that it happened "a few years ago."

i always thought the premise of this episode is kinda...cruel, which had me gagged when they revealed that the scheme to get house off vicodin for a week was wilson's idea. but i think the cruelty of the idea helps characterize house as being truly and impossibly difficult. "cuddy" (wilson) would not have concocted such an insane scheme, full of temptation of the highest order, if house would be receptive to a lesser offer.

i was really struck with mapping the patient's experience onto house's this episode, and i think the plotlines coalesce nicer than usual in this episode, with a little quirk at the end. the patient, keith, presents with inexplicable internal bleeding, and a true avalanche of failed diagnoses follows. the team eventually lands on lupus - the first time lupus is condemned as a non-answer for house - which sends house over the edge because it's too simple.

lupus represents the admittance that he's an addict with a problem. it would explain so much about house, yet it would also tie him up as A Man With Problems in a neat little bow, too simple for house to make peace with. it's his lived experience; he knows the complexities of what brought vicodin into his life more than anybody (though someone in particular comes pretty damn close). lupus, or the title of addict, cannot fit. because then it's simple. because then house can't hide from the simple, serendipitous, brilliant diagnosis.

this parallel comes to the fore in a heated debate with the ducklings. house admits to cameron that keith's symptoms make lupus "more likely, BUT," that "but" doing a lot of heavy lifting. it could be lupus, he could be an addict, BUT that can't be all there is to it. so he majorly jeopardizes the patient by insisting they investigate hepatitis E.

this debate is so intense that it causes a definitive split from house, which really takes off with cameron after foreman pokes fun at her unflinching loyalty/kindness toward house (i think foreman holds a very reductive view of her and house, but i digress). she can either evade the truth about the treatment toward keith's father (which chase advocates for), or tell the father the truth (foreman's choice). when the elevator eclipses her, a nice visual representation of her ingesting both her peers' opinions, we're not clear what her solution will be.

that she first lies to the father and then violates house's wishes, admitting that she believes in the lupus diagnosis, is probably the greatest hit to the ducklings' faith in house yet.

i know i'm bouncing around a lot here, but this is a congested episode (in a good way!) and i want to make sure i don't forget anything. intermixed with house's rapid decline (in time with keith's almost exactly) are wilson's attempts at helping/solving house. first he hires a masseuse for house, and while my knee jerk reaction is to declare how misogynistic the resulting scenes are, i really need to understand why wilson looks so excited by All This:

i know this isn't really the time/place (and it's too early in the show), but like. sure. hire a bossy masseuse and make jokes about house not getting any lately + imply that you're not getting any, either, despite being married. okay whatever. to say nothing of the house/cuddy masseuse debacle of season 7 lol.

what is generically important about the masseuse is that wilson already feels guilty. he knows he's putting his friend through a hard time - in his mind, it's for house's own good - but tries to alleviate some of it. cuddy, meanwhile, does no such thing lol because she 1) probably understands the value, both for house himself and the hospital, in house getting clean and 2) doesn't have enabler disease like wilson. more on that later.

the next glimpse of wilson's guilt comes after house breaks his own hand. this one is pretty obvious - even though wilson is intrigued to learn that house's brain prioritizes this immediate physical pain over his chronic pain, wilson is still distantly responsible for this. and of course house md takes care, once again, to show us how gentle is by nature:

but a little deeper than this is a perverse interest/satisfaction. i don't think wilson directly experiences this, per se, so much as the audience is tipped off to another dimension of his knack for Getting To House. his guilt is competing not just with a sense that he's doing house a favor by drawing his addiction into the light, but also a small excitement for being needed (this also comes together with confirmed enabler wilson later). house's relief is - understandably - visualized like a moment of ecstasy, and wilson is directly or indirectly responsible for each.

relief from the masseuse, relief from breaking his hand, and relief from winning the bet that wilson constructed.

the power dynamics of 1x11 are subversive here. house has been the one in charge, even winning over cuddy on most occasions, but wilson, the orchestrator behind the scenes, reduces house to this state, and it's not without some satisfaction. hilson psychoanalysts hopefully get what i'm putting down here lol. this reversal is UNDONE, of course, by the total failure of the bet because house only gets halfway to help, halfway to the intended solution.

in house's mind, by the end of the 7 days of no vicodin, sure. he's an addict. but just like how lupus was too simple for keith, that title alone is too simple for house. he's addicted without the problem. how can neutrality be a problem? how can his functionality, which he sees as unimpeded, be a net-negative just because it's narcotic-inspired?

another departure before circling back to that integral house and wilson conversation about addiction without a problem. another way 1x11 highlights wilson's guilt and the cruelty of the entire bet is when cuddy accuses house of "playing chicken" with the patient's life. this is right after it's revealed that cameron told the truth about the lupus diagnosis, so the father is up in arms. however, when cameron explains that she managed to convince the father to trust house anyways, house counters with: "that's when he caved."

they always cave, especially when they go to the Wilson School of Enabling. wilson and cuddy have been toying with house, and it crosses a line eventually.

thus, wilson surrenders to house after yet another brief yet revelatory conversation: "you are not just a regular guy who's getting older. you've changed. you're miserable, and you're afraid to face yourself."

"of course i've changed!"

"and everything is the leg? nothing's the pills? they haven't done a thing to you?"

"they let me do my job, and they take away the pain."

obviously, this conversation is a failure, as is the bet. house proves his point - he is in less pain on vicodin, and they do let him do his job. it's wilson who's concerned with his quality of life. it's wilson who knew him best pre-infarction. it's wilson who, selfishly, wants him back to how he used to be.

if we weren't dealing with THE james wilson, i think we could write off the episode's conclusion as a sad end to a selfish endeavor on his part. yet he makes a fleeting remark to cuddy at the very end that basically dooms himself. when she asks him, "what are you gonna do?" wilson says, "nothing. i've done enough damage."

oh boy!

as we know, wilson will go on to try to help house curb his addiction in the future but, more than anything, he will indulge the hell out of it. season 3's central conflict rides on that fact. the guilt wins out in the end, not house's brilliance, nor inner strength, nor the ducklings' shaken faith, nor the very premise of the episode/the bet itself. wilson caves just like the patient's father did because this - house's pain, his addiction, is infarction - is a fact of life. and, hey, if house's addiction is problem that's unable to be fully solved, than wilson gets the endless well of neediness he's been masochistically searching for.

what an absolutely insane foundational episode for these 2.

lastly, i have 2 separate notes that i want to make:

after keith's father punches house in the face, nobody helps house up. cuddy attempts to but doesn't really follow through, and what's more important is that the ducklings just leave him collapsed on the floor. even though house ends up being write about the final diagnosis (which is the craziest one yet), something has definitely shifted.

foreman being the one to hand house vicodin so he can get through the case really affected me this go-around, but i can't put my finger on exactly why. please share your thoughts, if you have any!

[feroluce]

Oh my gosh the way the Pop-Up Shop event ended and what it hinted at that's going on rn, and what it might imply about what's in store for the next time we see Sampo, I'm so excited AAAAAAA

Because it seems it really IS our Sampo, and whereas before I was absolutely delighted by the thought that he was possibly getting fucked with by some outside influence, and that was why he was saying such strange things... There's nothing quite like that going on here. There's no memetic virus messing with his head. There's no imposter, no possession, no nothing.

Just Sampo, and the ominous, all-consuming dread that hangs over his head like a guillotine, as he willingly walks right into what he is sure is a trap. ♡

Because this event was weird right off the bat, yeah? Sampo invites us in on a business deal that won't make him any money? The hell???

And I was just waiting on pins and needles for it to make sense, and oh, I was not disappointed at all. Because I've got a nice meta post about it over here, but Sampo actually DOESN'T make a lot of money most of the time- but he does always get something out of his dealings. He works for favors and good will and networking, but never for nothing. And it was the same here!

Sampo didn't make any money with this little business venture because that wasn't what he needed from it. That was never his goal to begin with. He just needed something entertaining.

Sampo has the key to get into the tavern's basement where Sparkle has been keeping his mask for him, but he still needs to be let into the front door of the tavern itself. The fun stories he got from this event were his entry fee. He leaves at the end because he's probably already on his way to Epsilon, where the World's End Tavern should be.

So that explains part of what was so strange this event. It's the rest of his ooc tendencies that have me like foaming at the mouth though because AAAAAAAAAA

There's long been hints of...some? kind of strain between Sampo and the rest of the Masked Fools. Like it starts all the way back in Belobog's main quest with the big infamous fourth-wall breaking sequence, where Sampo talks some shit.

And it continues in the Aetherium Wars event, where we finally get the confirmation that Sampo is a Masked Fool and even get to see him interact with Giovanni, one of his brethren! And where Sampo talks more shit. He also leaves the trailblazer a warning against Sparkle, who they hadn't met yet, and probably the Masked Fools in general.

And for some strange reason, it seems to be popular fanon that Sampo like. Talks a lot of shit? Or is rude in general? Like I feel like I see a lot of jokes about if Hook says a cuss word, it was probably his fault. But Sampo is actually pretty polite with everyone. I think the only time we really see him be harsh is when he has to set some hard boundaries in the museum event. Otherwise, he conducts himself like a model friendly businessman. Like he IS super shady and slimy, but he's still polite about it. I'm pretty sure the only time he actually talks any shit, and so bluntly, is about the Masked Fools or Epsilon as a whole. He really seems to have some sort of beef with them.

There's also his hilarious relationship with Sparkle, which I'm including for consideration because we don't know how common people like her are in the Masked Fools, so she might represent how Sampo interacts with a lot of them. ...But I'm pretty sure Sampo's grudge with her runs deeper than that anyway jdksajfdkljas

She's so funny I hope she fucks with him more FJDKSJAKD

Anyway, the point is, Sampo doesn't seem to see eye-to-eye with a lot of the rest of Aha's followers. And it was never hinted at before the pop-up shop event, but now I'm wondering if it might be like. An actual dangerous sort of situation.

Because during those brief packaging sequences, you get some. Pretty wild text dropped on you. There was actually a really cool explanation for it by another user already! But basically, all of the phrases are more fourth-wall breakage. They're mostly in-game achievements...except for one.

"This must be a trap create"

We never get to see the rest of the phrase. Just "This must be a trap create."

That is the only one we don't have an explanation for yet, at least as far as I know.

AN EDIT: Thank you to @/kittaykattz for this one, because it looks like someone DID find the source of this line. Unfortunately, it only came up in my search after I looked for the full phrase. I couldn't find it on the wiki before orz And yet this somehow does NOT make it any less ominous ajfdklsjkl The full phrase is "This must be a trap created by a Masked Fool!" and it comes from another in-game achievement, "Boxes and Ladders." Which is really cool, because I had figured the last line must be something from Penacony, since it was the only area not represented so far. So in that way, it fits perfectly with the rest of the text. Now we have one achievement from every area of the game, which fits with the theme that Sampo has been following the Astral Express, the trailblazer specifically. It's the way that it doesn't fit that's the weird part though. Because the rest of the lines that come from in-game achievements are all titles; that's why they were so much easier to find. For some reason, Hoyo saw fit to single this one out. They didn't use a title. They specifically chose the line about falling into a trap set by a Masked Fool, a trap with seemingly no way out, where one's only choice is to take a leap of faith and pray to make it out ok in the end.

Love that. Absolutely love that. That's so fucking tasty, I will be daydreaming for days on end now about Sampo finding himself in a horrible situation with no way out where all he can do is make a desperate attempt and pray to whatever might listen (probably not Aha fjaksljdk) that he'll survive it WHEEEEEE

Because Sampo talks so strangely throughout the whole event, but it gets worse day by day, morose and morbid and dreading and sometimes even almost like he's warning the trailblazer against something about to happen.

I've already lovingly discussed it in an analysis about Sampo's name (alias included) but like. There certainly are some fun connections there. The Sampo of myth was smashed and lost to the sea. Poisson was flooded. Brueghel died suddenly and left a final painting of a storm at sea unfinished.

The Masked Fools are referred to with imagery of water and the sea. And frequently so.

And so I do wonder what Sampo knows, and what he's expecting to happen when he gets to that tavern at the end of the world. If maybe he thinks he's walking right into a trap, and is doing it willingly, doing it anyway, because, well.

Belobog is on the line.

And Sampo has already proven he seems so ready to do whatever it takes to protect it.