#and supposedly I acted. VERY loopy while on it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scruffyssketchbook · 4 years ago

Note

I've been really inactive lately, so I'll try to get this posted.

I noticed something that might classify as a plot hole. The PC system add-on that allows pokemon to get injured.

For starters, we never get an explanation for why this add-on was added in the first place. Supposedly, Vay was loopy from his "karp krakers", and put the add-on into the PC without thinking.

Also, we never get an explanation as to how this add-on works. Or, more accurately, how the PC works. Does the PC normally prevent the eevees from feeling pain and being injured at all? For example, even if Blizz tried his hardest, punching someone would be like punching a brick wall for an average person. Or, does the PC simply heal any major injuries the eevees take on? Or is it somewhere in between?

I know that, from the perspective that this is a comic that needs drama, having the add-on allows characters to hurt each other. (See Jed and Shane.) But, from an in comic perspective, this makes no sense.

Secondly, even if we did have a good explanation for how the add-on came to be, why didn't the trainer just get rid of it. And I don't want the explanation that she's stupid. She is 16, she knows how to work a computer. Even if she didn't, she could force Vay to do it, or get Bede (The person who runs the PC system in Sinho) to do it. I also don't want the explanation that she is negligent. She is, but she took the time to look into it after Harmony got hurt. I doubt she would just turn around and do nothing after learning about the add-on.

I may be missing context here, as there is one comic page that I can't access, the page 100 variation on patreon. Maybe there's an explanation in there, but I wouldn't know.

Thirdly, even if we ignore the trainer, what about Dusk? We already know that he has tried to get Blizz to work with him in stopping Icedrop and Greenpaw from fighting. Not to beat around the bush, Greenpaw does bully Icedrop, they just do it in a more covert, mental, and emotional way than Icedrop bullies Greenpaw.

However, Blizz refuses to help, partially because both Dusk and Blizz are petty. If Dusk genuinely wants to stop Icedrop, why not just get rid of the add-on? We know Dusk can manipulate electronics, so why not just delete the add-on, either from within the PC, or sneakily from outside it? Furthermore, Dusk is not stupid. He knows that Vay added the add-on, or at least could figure that out. He and Vay are also in good relations, so why doesn't he, or hasn't he, asked Vay to get rid of the add-on?

The explanation of "Dusk is just a jerk" does not work. Dusk can be a jerk, but everything he does he does for a reason. Most of him being a jerk comes from him being egotistical, narcissistic, and thinking he knows what's best for everyone even when he doesn't.

The only explanation that works is that he doesn't get rid of the add-on due to the fact it would put Daisy and the other hospital vees out of a job.

Last, but certainly not least, is the fact that pokemon other than eevee exist in the trainer's PC. We even get to see one of the other boxes. My point here is that the other pokemon would notice something wrong eventually. Best case senario, they notice due to realizing they can feel pain. Worst, they notice due to a major injury not being healed by the PC.

Those pokemon would want to know what happened. Amusing they either are told the truth or find out on their own, why wouldn't they ask Vay to take off the add-on. If Dusk (since he is the only one I can think of who would try to spin a story) told them a lie, then would every pokemon in the entire PC believe him. Charm and smooth words can only go so far.

___________________________________________________

I have two extra questions I thought up while writing this.

Bonus question 1: How did the trainer know that Harmony was injured? Did vay tell her? She check the pokemon's health in the PC often (both stat, and convential health)?

Bonus 2: If we know pokemon can learn to read and write, then why have none of the pokemon other than Vay tried to communicate with their trainer. What is the point of using Vay as a translator, when the pokemon could just write to the trianer? Do they just want to hide how much they know?

On top of that, if pokemon can learn to use computers, what's stooping them from just using text to speech, completely circumventing Vay all together.

bonus 3: Do the pokemon age in the PC? We know Eve is around two years old, so is she physically still a newborn, or has she physically grown?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary/tl;dr

q1: What are the specifics of how the damage allowing add-on was put into the PC?

q2: How does this add-on, and the PC system's healing ability, work?

q3: Why didn't their trainer take the add-on off the PC?

q4: Why didn't Dusk take the add-on off the PC?

q5: Why didn't any of the other pokemon in the PC take off the add-on?

bq1: How did the trainer know that Harmony was injured?

bq2: Why don't we ever see pokemon that know how to write communicate with the trainer?

bq3: Do the pokemon physically age in the PC?

Author chan: Over here asking the important questions! Alright! I can explain!

The mod basically prevents pokemon from healing without outside means like things that can heal a pokemon, Potions, full heals, antidotes, etc etc. This is why it's called the Damage keeper mod.

Normally in the PC, pokemon can feel pain, but they will quickly heal overtime, but with the mod, it just stops this function all together. Usually in the world, it's used with the "No heal on Entrance" mod for trainers who participate in Nuzlocke challenges.

Vay inputted the Damage keeper mod into the PC for one reason, and one reason only. No, he wasn't loopy, He knew what he was doing, and added it on purpose. It was a pretty selfish decision all in all, but I can't say the reason why. It's vaguely hinted to tho. Yes! It makes no sense to have a mod like that inputted in universe. Literally no other character would ever put in this mod into the if given the chance! But, Vay put it in for a specific purpose. Said purpose was actually shown in "Battle scars". Now. Why would Vay do this? Why would he input a mod that makes all pokemon to keep the damage they receive in the box?

Well. He simply only thinks of himself. He didn't think or care about the effect the mod would have on the other pokemon in the PC, just how he could use it to do what he wanted to do. And yes. Vay is a jerk. He's my least favorite main for a reason, you know.

Next up!

As said in comic 200c, Mods are very hard to take off. Why? Well. We are dealing with actual creatures. One wrong move and hundreds of them will get corrupted and essentially die. This isn't like Minecraft, despite me comparing the PC to a minecraft server for explaining how it works to others. Since this mod affects the pokemon directly, its harder to remove because it’s just a big risk for the pokemon. This is also why Dusk cant just remove it. It is too big of a risk to all the pokemon in the PC, which there are over 1000 of at this point. Healing items and free hospitals are a temporary fix.

Also! Blizz does try to help with the bullying, as seen with comic #302, where he states "It's a misunderstanding" followed by text covered by Bolt talking/ignoring him saying "I saw a greenpaw eevee being bullied by Mike and Tike and-" Which, we see on page #298 Tike was the eevee he was punishing.

Lastly! Why don't the other pokemon notice. Well, The few who have been in a PC before do, but most of the pokemon were wild pokemon before they appeared in the PC, so they don’t know how a normal PC feels like. And ofc, how would a pokemon know who to ask about why the PC works the way it does? Mods are common in the world, cause trainers like to give PC pokemon things to do while rotting away. This is actually going to be talked about with Eevui, the new Eevee the trainer obtained via wondertrading. He was in a normal PC before he was traded, so he'd notice the difference, and will comment on it. Funny thing, I have a comic about him trying to describe the PC to pokemon who never been in one before before he goes in the trainer's pc, and it looks completely different from OUR PC box.

Bonus Questions!!

Harmony was brought out of the PC, to the pokemon center, and a nurse Joy informed her that her pokemon was badly injured.

Bro, you so right. I realized this last year and was like "omg" until I remembered that- Pokemon language is different from human language. Ofc, there are pokemon who can read human language in the world, but pokemon and human stuff are different. And in the PC, things are translated into pokemon if not already in pokemon. This does mean pokemon can write to the trainer and it can get translated, but Vay is just an easier method of translation, especially for pokemon who have a harder time reading, writing, and typing (also there are different pokemon languages as well so oof) then like. Not every pokemon knows how to read and write. It’s a privlage usually given only to few captive pokemon. Wild pokemon learning how to read/write in their own language is VERY RARE, especially due to the lack of materials. And the only civilized boxes in the PC are box 1, 2, and 3, so only pokemon living in those boxes have a reason to learn how to read, and resources to learn.

Pokemon are born the height that they stay at all their life, unless they evolve. (Or are Nego. The little weirdo) This is to mimic how it is in pokemon games. So, no. Pokemon don't physically grow. They DO mentally age however. Pokemon tend to age mentally at different rates, so for example, a newborn who is immediately thrusted into situations not meant for a baby (ie, breeding, battling, contests) will mentally age faster than someone (like Eve) Who has stayed in the PC all their life. Nego and Eve are about the same age (Nego being 6 months older) Yet, Nego acts like an infant while Eve does not. This is because Nego ages physically and mentally like a human, while Eve ages quicker mentally, like pokemon do. This also tends to mean that when a pokemon is born doesn't matter much, as they can mentally be ahead or behind.

I hope these answered your questions!! I like talking about SSEC world building! (Its just that I never have the chance to talk about it in detail QuQ)

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adangerousbond · 5 years ago

Text

Home is where the plane is

Honestly no idea what this even is, nearly 5K of Daisy and Daniel just cause?

Wrote this out in an afternoon and haven't really gone over it, so may have some errors.

Enjoy!

Read below or at ff.net or AO3

A sharp knock on her bunk door drew Daisy out of her ravine, from the constant time looping to the way in which they had been able to break it had drained her physically, but even more so mentally. Once the others had been debriefed, more by Coulson than herself, she had slunk out for some peace, Enoch's words still screaming at the back of her mind.

"Yeah," Daisy answered evenly, unsurprised when the door opened, and Sousa entered.

"Just wanted to check in on you," he explained, taking in her quiet demeanour as she sat on the edge of her bed, legs drawn in close to her chest.

"Of-course you did," she shook her head, catching sight at his furrowed brow to her words, "it's just very time-loopy of you, well I guess, very you of you."

"I'm sorry about Enoch," he brushed past her odd comment, sitting alongside her in quiet comradely.

"He said this is the teams last mission together," she spoke after a few minutes, stretching her legs out as she turned her head slightly towards him, a sadness to her expression as she continued, "that we'll survive but the team won't."

"What do you think he meant by that?" he watched her closer as he questioned her statement, pushing aside the desire to pull her close and hold her tightly, he knew that it was not his place, not yet anyway.

"I, I don't know, maybe something happens, maybe SHIELD is different and doesn't let us stay a team, or maybe we change something and we don't even know each other when we get back to our time," the scenarios that had been running through her mind spilled out, her concern at the options evident as she fidgeted.

"This team is closer than most families, I'm sure whatever happens, you'll still have each-others backs," he told her optimistically, neither really had any idea what type of future they would go back to, especially not someone who had ever been there.

"They're the only family I've ever had, this plane, it's the only home I've had, I don't know how to give that up," her words breaking the little self-control he had, as he reached a hand across to hers, her fidgeting stopping instantly.

"They'll still be your family even if the team doesn't do anymore missions together," he tried to reassure her, stroking her hand with his thumb as he filed away the little bits of information she had let slip out amongst her statements.

Staring straight ahead, she could feel his eyes on her, watching, making sure that she was okay, as always. Maybe it was watching her friends die over and over, or watching her friend die for real, but it gave her a need to live in the moment more than she usually would, to take a risk she wouldn't normally – sure she had acted more freely in the time loop, but she knew that would reset and he wouldn't remember. There had been a type of power in that, that she could see how he would react, how she would feel, when she questioned him, all while knowing and receiving the same response, a power that allowed her to be more open with him than normal.

Turning to him, she saw the question in his silence as she leant toward him, her hands reaching his collar as she chastely kissed him, drawing back almost instantly to give him a chance to take her move in, after all he didn't have memories of their loop conversations like she did. The surprise in his eyes turning to hunger just as quick as the time before, as he pulled her closer to him, hands already on her waist before she had realised he had even moved them, initiating a second, deeper kiss, one that wasn't bound by the same time restraints as in the loop.

"Probably fair to tell you that that happened in the time loop," she told him as they paused for moment, "only once, that I remember anyway."

"Anything else that happen that I should know about?" he chuckled, his wrist resting on her should as he played with the hair he had messed with his hand.

"You died, but we all pretty much did a number of times," she threw out nonchalantly, the memory still fresh in her mind, along with the memory of him once again sleeping at her side in the reset; alive and well.

Using the hand still on his collar, she practically dragged him back onto her bed, his hands slipping under her black top, leaving a trail of fire on her skin at the contact, the new position allowing them to sink deeper into the kiss. He pulled away slightly, to her annoyance, until she felt his lips on her neck, the shift in focus giving her a chance to work on undoing the buttons on the blue shirt she had spent a little to long in the loops appreciating.

They both jumped at the sound of May's voice coming through the ship's speakers, requesting everyone's attendance to a team meeting, Daniel straightening up so quickly that Daisy couldn't help but smile. -----------------------------------------------------------

"We didn't interrupt anything did we?" May asked with her usual even tone, as they entered the lab, the glint in her eye gaining her a glare in return from woman in question.

"What's going on? Daisy asked, brushing past the question as she looked around for the next issue at hand as she stopped alongside the labs bright table, "what time are we in now?"

"We look to be just a couple months from when we last jumped," Simmons spoke up, a tablet in hand ready to show her workings should anyone want further information on her statement.

"Which means that we…" Yo-Yo trailed off, glancing to May for help in explaining the situation.

"Which means what?" Daisy questioned, glancing between the two women that seemed to be at the forefront of her summoning's, "what are you all not saying?"

"I promised Jiaying that we would help with Nathaniel and Kora," May informed her, the older agent spoke in no major hurry to elaborate.

"Obviously, we would, clearly he has teamed up with Sybil," Daisy pushed in an annoyed tone, wishing that they would be more direct with her, but also apprehensive of where the topic was going, a slight glance to Sousa who was standing quietly next to her told her that he was unsure as well.

"It's just that to do that, she'll have to come onto the Zephyr," everyone's attention turning on Daisy the moment May got to the point, watching, waiting for what her reaction would be.

"Can't you just meet up with her on the ground? Or on the quin jet?" Daisy questioned, the unease at the idea bristling under her skin.

"We've already given them the co-ordinates," Mack spoke evenly, his tone and crossed arms leaving no room for further discussions on the topic.

"So, this isn't you guys asking me, this is you telling me," Daisy stated, her tone level and cold, gaining her a hint of surprise or concern, or something else that she couldn't quite pinpoint from the man still standing a fraction to close to her side.

"If there was any other way, but we just can't risk it, I don't have to tell you want happens if she dies," Coulson explained with a bit more tact.

"I won't be born," the young agent sighed, knowing it wasn't a fight she was going to win.

"That's not a risk I am willing to take," Coulson stated warmly, his head half-cocked with a small smile as he attempted to bring her on board with the plan.

"Bringing her on here could risk that still," Daisy countered, raising her eyebrow as she stared him down.

"The chances are better this way though," Simmons spoke up as she continued playing with the screen in front of her, "they've just arrived."

"We'll go get them," May stated, nodding for Yo-Yo to follow, figuring some familiar faces would help the situation.

"You guys really couldn't give me more warning?" Daisy asked, crossing her arms as she leant forward to talk in a quieter tone.

"They were worried you would talk them out of it," Deke told her before he realised what he was saying, his eyes going wide when he backtracked in his mind.

"Deke," Simmons exclaimed, glaring her grandson down before putting on her fake, supposedly calming smile and turned back to her friend, "we didn't have the time too."

"You only had, what, two minutes to tell me, was five too much to ask for?" Daisy hissed back, her words lacking any real anger as she had already accepted what was happening, not that she got much of a choice, as she uncrossed her arms to lean on the lap table instead.

"Play nice," her best friend shot back with a laugh, glancing up towards the door to watch their incoming arrivals, clocking the way that Sousa placed a gentle hand on the Daisy's arm in comfort.

"And this is the team," Yo-Yo explained, catching the unease in the air as they joined back with the group and hoping their companions would not.

"Hi, Jemma Simmons," Simmons jumped to greet the guests, her politeness pushing aside any of the room's bad energy, "and this is Deke."

"That's Mack, Phil Coulson, Daniel Sousa, and –" May continued the introductions, hesitating for a moment, realising there could be an issue with giving out the final member of the teams name to the past version of her mother.

"And I'm Skye Sousa," Daisy smiled politely, using the first thing that came to mind, the team's eyes flying to her and the man she had just roped into a marriage with her; his closeness to her and his hand on her arm playing into it enough that her statement wouldn't be questioned from the apparent strangers.

"Thank-you all for this, we were starting to worry we might not hear from you again," Jiaying told them, unfazed by the team's demeanours as she got to business instead, "but from the look on all your faces, you have had your own worries to deal with."

"You could say that," Simmons responded, nodding at her words, "but we did honestly come as quick as we could."

"Where exactly did you come from?" Gordon pressed further, unhappy with the lack of information being shared.

"It's a long story," Mack stated firmly, putting an end to the questioning.

"I've seen a lot in my time, but nothing like this plane," Jiaying moved on, understanding the tone of the room as she looked around it, her eyes settling on the younger woman across from her, "Skye, you have powers as well?"

"Yeah," Daisy drew her answer out hesitantly, making no move to demonstrate.

"Your friend was very tight lipped about where she got her's from, but you, there's something about them, you got through a diviner and a Cree temple didn't you?" Jiaying getting to the outcome quicker than the team liked, especially the one in question.

"Not by choice, but yes," Daisy responded honestly, trying to keep the bite from her tone as she instead tried to focus on the reassuring lines that Daniel's thumb was drawing on her arm.

"That has not been done in a very long time, it must have been very difficult to locate, how did you manage it?" Jiaying exclaimed, genuine interest and amazement blocking her concern for the tone to the responses she was gaining.

"It's complicated," Daisy stated coldly, bringing a silence over the room, and ending the questioning.

"Right, so we have been trying to locate either Kora or Nathaniel but not having much luck, any ideas where she might have gone to lay low?" Simmons switched the subject quickly, giving her friend a gentle smile.

"No, but I also never knew she would turn to the dark side so easily, I have spent her whole life trying to protect her," Jiaying responded, accepting the change with a polite ease.

"Maybe she needed to be taught to control her power not to fear it," Daisy stated evenly, knowing first-hand what it could do to you when the thing you feared was yourself.

"I tried, but everyone else was getting more and more afraid of her, which made her worse," her mother reasoned, the care and concern in her voice just working to anger Daisy further.

"Did you ever think about taking her away from Afterlife?" May cut in before a response could be voiced, a firm stare given towards the younger agent.

"Many times, but as I'm sure you all would know, people are either afraid of us or want to use us as weapons," Jiaying spoke sadly, she might not yet have been fully against everyone not powered, but for the team that knew her future they could sense the anger and hatred under there even now.

"Well we were designed to be weapons," Daisy stated casually, catching the eye of the man next to her, knowing he was paying close attention to the whole conversation and remembering he knew very little about any of the inhuman stuff.

"Some powers are more dangerous than others, but it is a gift, not a curse," the un-aging woman's sentence coming out as if she had said it a million times.

"That doesn't change the fact we were literally meant to be used for weapons, even your powers, they might seem harmless enough, but you can drain the life out of people," Daisy informed her matter-of-factly, she had after all felt those powers first hand but she knew it best to leave that particular part out.

"How do you know that?" her mother's tone went dark for a moment, the knowledge of what she could do troubling her, before she regrouped herself and continued, "regardless, that's not the belief that we choose at Afterlife."

"It's not a belief, it's just a fact," Daisy shrugged, turning to her team for support.

"She's right, the Cree who created the mutation in the first place told us," Coulson backed her up.

"You've met the ones that started this all?" Jiaying questioned, her interest peaked at the new information.

"Along with the monster meant to lead us to battle," Simmons shuddered at the memories, her tone enough to drop any further questions from their guests.

"Even if that is what we were first meant for, it's up to us to decide what it means now," Jiaying fell back to her almost cult sounding words.

"And that's not always the right choice," Daisy fired back.

"Alright, how about we all get some rest, I think we all need it," Simmons put a stop to the conversation at hand, deciding it best before something was said that might trip them all up, "May, if you could be so kind as to show our guests to their rooms."

Watching them leave, Daisy moved towards a closed laptop nearby, waving off Sousa as she did, she needed a moment to herself, to process and the best way she knew how was to hack. She could feel her best friend watching her closely, a warmth to her mothering that she couldn't help but wonder if she would feel once the mission was done and Enoch's truth came to light.

"That means everyone," Simmons scolded her with a soft smile.

"I'm just going to run through some of the cities networks, see if I can get into any," Daisy explained, returning her smile, "and then I promise to leave." -------------------------------------

Opening her bunks door, Daisy stilled for a moment at the sight of Daniel lying on her bed, flicking through some files he must have come across somewhere. His eyes catching hers as she entered, and she held back a head shake at the fact he was once again, always there.

"Mack told me to stay here, you know, to keep up your lie about us being married," he explained his presence, watching her carefully, not fully sure where they stood with each other right now.

"Right, sorry about that, I didn't think she should know my real name, and I didn't know what else to say," Daisy rambled her excuse off, smirking at him as she lowered herself down next to him, "though, really you started it by telling Gideon you were my fiancé like a decade ago."

"That would be a very long engagement," Daniel agreed with her reasoning, eyes narrowing as he asked the question that had been bugging him the most, "why Skye?"

"I went by that for a long time, I didn't know my real name and the orphanage gave me a terrible one, so I made my own," she told him after a moment, quieter than she had been and pulling her legs to her chest as she spoke.

"It's a nice name," his words kind as he focused on the positive, knowing she had gone through too much the last few days to want to delve into the rest of her statement.

Humming in response, she stared at the files he had been reading, her mind to busy to be able to focus on them, but after a few moments of silence, she turned away. Taking the hint, he went back to his reading, far from wanting to push her into anything and just thankful she seemed willing to let him stay, willing to let him be there for her and part of him wondered just what they had discussed in the time loops; at the very least, what had made her kiss him, not that he was complaining.

"The last time I saw her, my father killed her because she was trying to kill me," Daisy broke her own silence, the words coming out before she had decided if she was ready to share them, "she wanted to kill a lot of people and thought I would help her."

"That's horrible," he placed the files on the bedside table and reached for her hand, her fingers wrapping around his slowly as if she wasn't quite convinced that she should reach out to him.

"She had a lot of terrible stuff done to her, and I've always tried to convince myself that that excuse was enough, enough to explain how she was when I met her and what she did to me, I mean she apparently searched for me my whole life and yet was willing to kill me," she found that once she started talking, she was struggling to stop, he was just too easy to talk too, "but I have had terrible, terrible things done to me, and yes, I've done bad things, but I've always ended up doing the right thing, or at least I hope so, and I mean it just makes me think her excuses don't quite cut it, you know."

"And now to learn she had another daughter, that I've got a half-sister, one that she actually raised, and that one jumped to the wrong side so quick, and it makes me wonder, am I just fighting a loosing battle? Am I just one bad thing away from switching sides too? Deke's future knows me as the Destroyer of Worlds, so maybe it's not that big of a jump," she kept talking, "I've done some real bad things Daniel, you have no idea, maybe I'm not that much different than her. But seeing her like this, seeing her as a good, nice mother, it just makes it so much harder, maybe I was the one that come into her life and ruined it, that is my specialty, so how can I claim to be one of the good guys?"

"You are a good person, Daisy," he stated soundly, he had wanted to interject so many times through her rambling, but he could sense that she wasn't looking for a response, she just needed to talk.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to just unload on you," she sighed, refusing to meet his eye, but relishing in the warmth from his hand holding her tight.

"Daisy, I'm pretty sure you're the strongest person I've ever met, leaning on someone else doesn't make you weak," he told her honestly, squeezing her hand as if to back his statement.

Blinking away the tears that had started to form, she turned to him, her eyes trained on his as she tried to determine if she could believe him or not. Leaning forward, she closed the gap between them, kissing him firmly, a part of her hating how needy she could feel she was, but she needed this, she needed him, more than she could admit to even herself.

He rolled her onto her back, his lips never leaving hers as she set about undoing his shirt, his hand wrapped around the back of her head, tangled amongst her hair as his other slipped under her top and to the side of her waist, her hands dropping down to help him lift the plain black top up and over her head. She used the extra space the move created between them to push his now undone shirt off his shoulders, humming in annoyance when he used the space to pull away further.

"Are you sure you want this? You don't seem like you're in the best head space," he questioned, slightly out of breath, but ever the gentleman.

"Not sure if you've noticed, but I'm never really in a good headspace," she smirked back at him, nodding at his question nonetheless, pulling him back down to her level.

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"How long have you been up?" Yo-Yo asked, entering the gym with May following close behind, the two having planned a sparring session the night before that Daisy recalled had, while doing her hacking, overheard them fight over the start time of, won of course by May.

"I was checking on my hack and saw Jiaying heading to the kitchen, so here I am, hiding on a treadmill," Daisy huffed out a laugh, slowing the machine down to a walking speed.

"You seem in a better mood today," Yo-Yo grinned at her, whether implying something or just glad that her friend was happier, Daisy couldn't quite pinpoint.

"It was the first time in what seems like a very long time that I've woken up – " Daisy started, only to be interrupted before she could complete her response.

"We don't need to know what you woke up to," May smirked at her, her words catching an odd look from Yo-Yo as she tried to unpack them.

"That I've woken up not in the time loop," Daisy glared back, not playing into the older woman's trap, she could admit to herself that waking up next to Daniel had definitely also added to her good mood, but she was not about to admit that to her current companions.

"What is May talking about?" Yo-Yo asked, switching her focus between the two as she came to her own conclusion, "has she been doing her creepy empathic thing with you and Sousa?"

"Wait, what?!" Daisy near yelled, suddenly worried about what exactly her friend meant.

"Oh, come on, everyone can see the way he follows you around, and that you don't seem to mind," Yo-Yo explained her reasoning, smirking at her friend as she chose to ignore the bigger question for her statement regarding May.

"What did she mean May?" Daisy stopped the treadmill completely, feeling the dread come over her that she could only imagine was how teenagers felt when they were caught by their parents.

"It's okay, it doesn't reach through to your room," May let her off the hook quickly, shaking her head at the thought.

"Why not?" Yo-Yo asked, confused at the turn of events, but more interested in the answer.

"My room is lined with stuff to stop me from causing issues on the plane if I lose control of my powers again, so I'm guessing that stops your empathic stalking?" Daisy grinned, relief flooding over her as she started the machine back up to a light jog speed.

"Yes, thank god," May shared in her relief, she would have been feeling it had she been able to feel and it was refreshing for the emotion she felt to be fitting to what she was thinking.

"How do I get that? I told Mack and he's now traumatised," Yo-Yo exclaimed, making a mental note to bring it up with Simmons later as she quickly realised that although the other two knew of the lining, they weren't the type to have questioned what it was.

"Good, that would be too weird," Daisy smirked, making no move to dispel any beliefs that they had formed regarding her and Sousa, something not lost on the other two, "you're like my mum."

"Plus, I've seen you have nightmares, I don't want to feel those," May deadpanned, turning back to square up with Yo-Yo.

"Real supportive May," Daisy grinned back, expecting nothing less, but thankful now that those nightmares had gotten her at least some privacy.

"May, supportive? Feel's like we are interrupting something," Coulson joked from the doorway, flanked by Deke and Sousa.

"Yo-Yo was wanting to do some redecorating," Daisy stated quickly, making sure to get in first before any comments were made as she smiled in greeting to the men, her eyes resting on Daniel's for a moment longer than the rest, his trailing over her as she ran, gaining him a smirk in response.

"Oh, well if you want me to pick you up anything, actually here to see if anyone had anything they wanted added to my list as I'm heading out for a supply run," Deke informed them, missing the shared glare amongst the women.

"Jiaying's making breakfast," Coulson told them, his eyes narrowed on one in particular.

"I saw, hence the early morning workout," Daisy nodded, making no effort to hide the fact she was hiding in a gym.

"There are a few things you could get me actually, Deke," Yo-Yo stated as she stopped the sparring with May to write a list.

"Make sure to put some things for Daisy too," May told her, a grin on her face that put the woman in question on edge as she once more slowed her treadmill down to a walk.

"Oh, no, it's fine, she already told me," Deke brushed it off quickly, the underlying conversation of the room completely lost on him.

"Did she now?" Yo-Yo looked up from her writing with a smirk, sharing a look with the other two women.

"Yeah, I've got the sniffer devices and the list of the locations to plant them, it's like basic level hacking, super easy," Deke rattled off the information as if she had drilled it into him.

"Oh, right," Yo-Yo responded as she returned to her list, biting back a chuckle.

"See, I knew you three would be up to no good, what's going on here?" Coulson questioned them all, clearly not buying their poor attempt at hiding the previous topic.

"If you must know," May started, glancing between the two women either side of her as she could feel one's worry and the other's amusement at the turn of events.

"I don't think he does," Daisy stated quickly, her eyes narrowing on the older agent.

"My new empathic abilities, well, they have some side effects, and turns out I can also feel other people's, you know, alone time together," May explained with a grin, watching as everyone around her went dead still and slightly pale at her words.

"What now?" Deke asked, shuffling uncomfortably at the new information and wishing he had not been in the conversation at all as he looked between the unmoving Coulson, who was opening and closing his mouth as if he was actually lost for how to respond, and the small woman across from them, amused by the control she had over the room.

"They really don't want to know this May," Daisy stated sternly, giving a slight shake of her head to the now frozen Daniel, clearly very unsure of how he should proceed.

"So, I picked up on Yo-Yo and Mack's reunion and that's why Mack won't make eye contact with me anymore," May told the group, deciding to leave out the part about Daisy and Sousa, as she thought he might actually be good for her.

"We did not need to know that," Deke stated, turning, and leaving the moment that he got the list from Yo-Yo.

Simmons voice coming through the intercom interrupted anyone from commenting further, the break in the rooms focus gave Daisy a chance to mouth thank-you to May, before grinning at Daniel as he took a visible breath. Stepping off the treadmill, she made a move to follow the small group out of the room, falling into line next to Daniel with a quiet 'I'll explain later', she watched the team merge into one big group, one big family and couldn't seem to shake the tinge of sadness over Enoch's warning.

#daisy johnson #daisy x daniel #daniel sousa #daisy x sousa #dousy #daisysous #sousy #agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#aos fic #myfic

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realityshiftingandblogging · 4 years ago

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Dreaming, An Explanation

Okay before I start, I had this posted on Amino a while back so if you go "hey I've seen this on Amino-" that's because it's my post. If you need further proof I'll log in and screenshot XD

I wanted to make this to show others valuable information and maybe clear up how the dream process works! Before anyone asks - yes I did write this. These are my NOTES from the book I was reading. You can find it here: https://books.google.com/books/about/500_Dreams_Interpreted.html?id=g-TqtgAACAAJ

Obviously I do not claim to have a scientific discovery on any bit of this information (lol), it's public information.

I've collected, gathered, and put into my own words. If I had to copy it word for word I have "quotations" and things like "(from the book.)" Also, you'll see me say "quote on unquote." If anything wasn't quoted, I sincerely apologize in advance. I hope you get any answers you have needed, and that this isn't too boring! The whole point of this was to give information on dreams and how make the most of them. I never really understood (until a few years back) why we lucid dream and how it works. Why does it do this and is there anything that triggers it? So here is what I learned and what I also got from the book! (I really hope you find answers because this took....8 hours? To write?) So in other words, I hope this clears things up for you!

Side note: The images are sort of like borders?? I hope they don't bother you. And there are a lot of grammar errors so 🧍🏻‍♀️

Introduction

Dreams can be used to communicate and discover important things about yourself. The process happens when the deepest part of your subconscious, that processes the dream state, sends messages to you - which can be symbols, actions, people, or images. What happens in a dream is usually not meaningless, but it can be confusing at times! These messages are meant to help you evaluate and discover what you are doing right and wrong.

Dreams can consist of personal experiences which are why when your subconscious messages you, it can consist of things that are personal to you. (Such as memories, beliefs, and other things like fantasies and expectations.) This is why if you learn the meanings of your dreams and discover how to use them, you can become better at what you do and achieve a higher level of inspiration and encouragement.

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“When you go to sleep, where do you really go?” ― Brian Lovestar

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The way to unlock the meanings of your dreams is to realize that

¹ They are not a one-way experience in which your dream self bombards you with information.

² Dreams are not lectures, they are dialogues between your conscious and subconscious minds. The dialogue is created from your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Your dream self then uses this information to create visual pictures to show you what you feel and how you perceive things.

Once you begin to interpret your dreams you will recognize attributes that may not be serving you in the best way possible/positive way. Once you interpret your dreams and learn - you’ll find it easier to face fears and overcome personal challenges. With more practice, you can learn to program and/or “incubate” your dreams to address a very specific problem. Because dreams generally have multiple levels of meaning, the more work, and effort you do, the better.

Why do we dream?

This has no definitive answer, though as far as speculation goes - it's to rejuvenate and repair the body. Others say it’s purely phycological; to review the daily events, relieve the mind, and to release emotions. Here are a few explanations...

Compensation

Carl Jung, a psychologist, believes that we dream to compensate for underdeveloped personalities. His reason is it may explain why the dreaming behavior of some is obviously different from the ‘them’ they personify while awake.

Processing

This suggests that dreams organize and process the conscious and unconscious mind that it received during the day. In other words “refreshing the mind.” And again, in other words, “rebooting/turning it off and on again.”

Coping

Ernest Hartmann, a psychiatry professor, suggests that dreams are projected by certain emotions. The new material is “weaved” into the memory of said dreamer in ways to help cope. In ways such as stress, anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.

Activation Synthesis

In this theory, Allan Hobson and Robert McCarley say that dreams are due to “sensory-motor signals.” These areas activate small parts of the brain that affect memory, emotions, and physical feelings. In this, it creates dreams in relation to the sensations and signals sent.

Resolution

Some scientists believe in this theory: the theory that dreaming is a problem-solving use. They suggest that when we sleep, our brain continues to process all issues of concern that we deal with in our waking hours. In this, it makes up solutions.

So what does happen when we sleep? That we know of?

When you go to bed at night you are alert. The reason is that your brain is still producing a small signal - a beta wave. As you begin to fall asleep these waves slow down and become ‘Alpha Waves.’ When this happens you might experience what’s called “Hypnagogia.” This is the experience of auditory and visual hallucinations that make it hard for you to fall into a “deep sleep.” As others may know it, it can cause Sleep Paralysis and Lucid Dreaming! As Google says: “Hypnagogia is the experience of the transitional state between wakefulness and sleep in humans: the hypnagogic state of consciousness, during the onset of sleep. Mental phenomena that occur during this “threshold consciousness” phase include lucid thought, lucid dreaming, hallucinations, and sleep paralysis.” During the process of attempting this...some people reported hearing their name called, seeing random patterns, and body jerks (which are called myoclonic jerks.) When you’re in this stage it’s as if you’re fighting to stay awake. But actually, this is the first step of sleep.

Every night your body switches between a cycle of REM and NREM states. This happens around every 90 minutes or so, you switch between light sleep and deep sleep and the cycle continues. It supposedly happens around 6 times a night (but varies depending on how long you sleep at night.) The changes between REM and NREM are found by the change of your heart rate, brain activity, muscle tension, and body temperature.

NREM Sleep

State one: In this stage, you should begin to drift off. Your muscles relax, your body temp and blood pressure decrease, and you breathe slowly. As the production of Alpha waves begin to slow, your awareness noise, light, and feeling begin to zone out. Your eyes would exhibit slow movements and this is an easy state to awake you from.

State two: If stage one is undisturbed, state two will enter the stage. In this, you will feel a deeper sense of relaxation and like before… All blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and temp decrease. Your brain produces slower theta waves which will soon introduce “sleep spindles.” Sleep spindles are higher forms of activity. This process usually lasts 10-20 minutes.

State three: This is a deeper form of sleep. You couldn’t be awakened very easily from this state. Yet again temp, blood, and heart rate decrease. Your brain should still be producing theta waves, which gradually change to lower and larger delta waves.

State four: State four is when you are sleeping deeply now but not dreaming. In this stage, it’s difficult to be awoken due to your body’s sensitivity level. In this stage, most of your brain waves are delta waves now.

Back To Rem

Around 20 minutes after being in stage 4 of NREM, your cycle goes back to states 2 and 3. But you won't return to stage one and wake up. Instead, you will just go to REM sleep. This is called “prime dream mode.” The electrical waves/movements in your brain put you in a state similar to being awake. Your eyes will move from behind the lids. Research says this is because your mind is focusing on the dreams. During this, your heart rate speeds up, oxygen increases and so does your temp. After this REM is induced and what is commonly referred to as Sleep Paralysis will begin. This is when all muscles in the body are immobilized. As far as we know - it’s believed to prevent us from “acting out” in our dreams and hurting ourselves.

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Side Note

This happens multiple times a night. The more time you enter State 4 sleep, the more rejuvenation you receive. The more time you spend in sleep, the less time that 3 and 4 will happen and gives you more time to spend in REM/dreaming stage. Also, from the reading, they say early morning dreams are more vivid and happen longer.

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End of the dreaming

When you begin to wake up, you’ll experience “hypnopompia.” This is very similar to hypnagogia, This stage leaves you disoriented and makes you feel “loopy.” It could make you feel like there is pressure on your chest and sometimes causes you to feel, see, and hear things. Such as someone walking into your room and standing there. This process can be described as your mind waking up before your body does. Many times this does happen, but we have no memory of it ever happening. But when people do remember they describe it as frightening or disturbing. If you do happen to experience this, it’s said to remain calm and your body will eventually wake up.

How can you recall your dreams?

The first good step is to keep the visual fresh in your mind! As well, try to remember as many details as possible. Despite whether you only remember fragments or “none at all.” There are a few fun activities you can do!

Window of Opportunity

This method is intended to improve your observational skills, which does improve dream recall. Pick a comfortable spot to sit in, specifically near a window. You need the window. Take a few moments to unwind and relax. Just let your gaze look wherever you like - as long as you're looking at what’s out there. Notice as much detail as you can while being focused. BUT do not feel stressed by it. Don’t “worry” about it either. Just focus on the details. Take in as much as you can like… what color is the sky? Are the trees yellow and brown or green? Are there people? If so, what do they look like? What are they wearing? Once you are done with the scene and you feel comfortable, bring out a notebook and write down every bit of information you remember. It doesn’t matter the order and neither does it if you don’t remember something specific. It can be general things if that’s all you remember. Also, note the emotions you felt as you looked at certain things. Were you tired? Happy? Wanting this to be over? Write that down. If you’re artistic, you may sketch it! Sometimes sketching the scene may help you remember things you didn’t recall before.

Dream it up a bit

After this exercise, you might want to do better/enhance the skill. When you do, you should try being “more creative.” How so? Make it more “dreamier.” Pretend you are actually there in the scene. Strolling a path, smelling the roses, looking at the lake, etc. Once you’re done, jot it down. Remember to do this in the present tense. Write the details of what you saw and then implement yourself into it - just as you imagined.

Rewrite

If gazing out of a window is not something you want to do. There is another way! To do so you need to recall an event that happened in your day and pretend like it was a dream! Write it down in the present tense. Here’s an example: You went to eat lunch. Since you did you need to ask these questions:

•What time do I leave and arrive?

•What am I wearing?

•What’s the weather like?

•What day of the week is it?

•How am I feeling?

•Do I speak to someone?

•How do I travel?

•Am I alone?

You can do this for however long you’d like. Recalling all of these details as if they were a dream helps your mind remember said dreams.

Suggestion/Affirmations

Yep! Suggestion! This is effective and simple. All you have to do is, very often, suggest to yourself that you WILL remember your dreams. You can post reminders on your phone, ask someone to say “hey you're going to remember your dreams” every so often, or even use a “suggestion trigger.” A suggestion trigger is something to remind you to repeat your phrase. A good “suggestion trigger” is whenever you check the time!

Dream Journals and Sleep

Dream journals are your own personal journal and there is no “right or wrong” way to keep one. It’s made based on what you observe from your dreams. Simply put. The most important part of keeping one is that you feel comfortable with it. Here are a few small suggestions before going to bed:

Pick one that suits you.

Yes, it may be nice to buy one of those fancy dream journals that are marketed as such. But you may get it and spend money on something you really didn’t like. So go with what suits you and makes you comfortable.

Prepare yourself and your place.

Avoid anything strenuous before bed and avoid anything that might disrupt your sleep cycle. If you are a tidy type and need a clean room, then tidy before bed. Be sure the room is the right temperature for you and get into something cozy. You may be too lazy to do so but this will help your sleep and your remembrance of detail. It will also make sure you won’t be distracted by small annoying things.

Place the journal near you when you sleep.

Also, keep a pen! If you wake up at night you can write it ASAP.

Before going to bed, open to a new page.

Note where you are and where you live, the date, the time, etc. Leave a space at the top so you can title it later depending on the dream you had. Summarize all events of that day you can think of and write down your reminder phrase! It is optional if you want to include your mood and your health state. Before going to bed, repeat your reminder phrase

Upon Waking Up

Set your clock 15 minutes earlier than your normal wake time. This gives you more time to write your details. If possible, wake up to classical music or radio. Alarms cause sudden noises and sudden noises have been proven to make you forget dream memory upon waking up. As you begin to wake up, lie down, and keep your eyes shut. This will help “cement” the details into your subconscious. (Supposedly.) Without trying to change or manipulate any thoughts, try to recall the details of your dream When you feel comfortable enough, start writing anything you remember. Write in the present tense. Try to relive the dream as you write it. You can start anywhere in the dream, even go backward. The more important aspect is keeping somewhere to relive. Once you finished you should write the time you woke up and choose a title. Assigning a title and table of contents will help your mind's ability to make connections.

Dreamwork during the day

If you couldn’t recall your dream, take some time (when you can) to write about what your day as if it were a dream. Just like what we mentioned above. To “enhanced” this exercise you can imagine that you really did recall something. For example (come from the book): “I awake with a vague feeling of having been in a sunny place. There are brightness and warmth.”

Dream Incubation. What is it? And how do I use it?

Around the world there are places called “Dream temples” These temples were made in the honor of Asklepios, the god of healing. Snakes were allowed to move freely around these temples because it was believed they were secret symbols to evoke the powers of gods. As you may know, there is a popular symbol of snakes. The Caduceus! It’s two snakes wrapped around a staff. This is mainly based on the symbolism that snakes are “healers.” Both emotional and physical. Dream temples were most often placed in a rural area away from loud places. Many people would travel, even from long distances, to stay in these places to receive answers or enlightenment. These temples had a set intention for visitors/seekers to clarify the outcome they wanted. Because of the focus and encouragement received from the temples, it’s said it’s not unusual to receive the specific message they looked for. Not all cultures and places had these temples, but it didn’t stop them from Dream Incubation. (More on that in a minute). The Egyptians wrote the questions they wanted on linen and tied it around the wrist while meditating. Some soaked it in oil and burned it with incense while praying. Then they went to sleep, expecting the answer.

As you know, these days you can’t go to your local supermarket and pass by a dream temple. But, dream incubation is still widely practiced. People still to this day to "program" their dreams.

Your Temple

When trying to induce your routine to practice dream incubation, it can be simple or complex. Whatever you find comfortable. The temple of yours can be anywhere you find comfortable and where you are willing to practice the routine. (Such as writing, scripting, daydreaming, etc). But the main idea is to focus on your desired message.

Here are a few steps:

•Choose your phrase

•Form a clear intention

•Prepare your mind

•Get comfy

•Relax

•Visualize your dream’s solution (Ex: reading it, having the advice handed to you, seeing the answer played out in your very own personal “dream drama.”)

•Think about your reaction to the answer

Incubating dreams

When incubating your dreams you need a pre-set idea. Where do you want to be? In what way do you want your answer given? What symbols represent this? Afterward, start daydreaming about it, try to feel whatever it is that would be around you. Choose phrases that will affirm that it’s what you will dream of. Repeat that as many times possible. Often reflect on how it would feel being there and when you wake up and log as usual. But because you are programming this yourself - there may be nothing to interpret. But it will induce what you wanted to see. (A/N. As I’m reading this book and typing these notes I'm realizing how close they were to figuring out the shifting process. I-. Bye-). But take this moment to think through what happened, there may have been a messaged slipped in.

Lucid Dreams (Fun Fact!)

Believe it or not, the earliest record of lucid dreaming was recorded in the 4th century B.C. This happened when Aristotle, himself, was writing his work ‘On Dreams.’ He said quote on quote “For often when one is asleep, there is something in consciousness which declares that what then presents itself is but a dream.” In 1867 Hervey de Saint-Denys wrote “Dreams and How to Guide Them.” This book was intended to show you the techniques he used to achieve a state of realization.

To Lucid Dream

When you lucid dream, you can do anything you please when you realize it is nothing but a dream. So how can you tell if it's a lucid dream? How do you lucid dream? Well, there are multiple ways.

Record it.

Record what you remember. Like we talked about with a dream journal.

Power of suggestion.

Even a simple phrase that “I am aware I am dreaming.” Is simple enough! Repeat this during the day and at night.

Checking your reality.

A commonly favored thing is “reality checks.” This requires you to test your surroundings and ask if they are real or not. If you notice something is off, it’s possible you once played it off. But if you looked closer, it was a dream.

Look for inconsistencies.

It’s found that a few things do not remain consistent in a dream. For example lights, watches, the time, sounds, etc. Because these changes are not normal, you know it’s just a dream.

Now that there are tips to know if you’re in a dream; Here are some to help you practice lucid dreaming/become in the state.

Visualize your everyday life (when awake) like a dream! Convince yourself as every small thing is just a dream. Whenever you’re doing something, take a look around and think of it as a dream. Believe that everything you do can be changed because you will it. Daydreaming the small things have changed will help as well. The tree outside? It’s not dead. It’s in full bloom! These practices are intended to help you make conscious and unconscious choices.

#desired reality #ideal reality #shiftblr #shifting community #desired reality community #all about dreams #reality shifting #realities #shifting realities #shifting #manifestation #reality #dreaming #lucid dreaming

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this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet · 6 years ago

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Living on a farm upstate where the flowers used to grow [part 1]

Warning: this is a cosmic horror short story series. Be prepared for death, blood, and strange themes of children, growth, and motherhood, ect. It’s a work in progress.

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It started in the spring. It is not too uncommon for an animal to be born with defects but this was different. At noon on a Saturday, a live five headed calf with twenty-three eyes was birthed from an average healthy cow, on a family farm at the edge of town. When word spread weeks later our small town was flooded with scientists and reporters alike. They all wanted a glimpse of the fabled ‘calf of end days’.

Every man, woman, and child knew well of the words the bible spoke, supposedly straight from the very pursed lips of God. With such sayings as ‘the horns of Satan grew in woven tandem with humanity’s wrath and ignorance’ and ‘flesh and bones of the dark in lay the tilling of the earth in a rotting harvest’, the sight of the beast was underwhelming enough that we didn’t think much of it. Sure it was unnerving at best, but to say the truth it was not any worse than what a person could find in one of those bazaar shock magazines with the hoaxes mysteries. For what most people thought it might as well have been faked. Ripply himself carried more ‘dark energy’ than what this veal had. Then again we were blind.

Days came and went, six months later the farm and the calf fell out of style, and the farm was left bankrupt. The owner was seen less and less.

The second part came five years later. The town had been experiencing an alarming wave of people going inexplicably missing. It wasn’t like it was too small but the place was noticeably getting smaller. A kid by the unfortunate name of Richard Handy, came running home like a man on fire after having broken into the then abandoned farm with his friends. He fell screaming and crying at his mother’s feet, a nasty gash down his leg. Richard’s parents called law enforcement upon hearing that some of his friends were trapped at the location. the little information they were able to decipher from Richard’s terrified babbling was not enough to prepare them for what was at the farm.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Mary, the wife of Nathan the local butcher was the first of the mothers to have fallen prey to the curse. At midnight she birthed not a human child, but a live rabbit. Five more such births occurred on the following weeks. Fear stricken and ashamed the couple slaughtered the young and sold the meat as any average rabbit would have been. It was only when Mary gave birth to the first malformed animal did the news break. Laying between her legs was a dying rabbit, gutted and twisted as if it had been mauled by a house cat. The Doctor was perplexed to say the least, and given the evidence provided, he assumed it was a hoax.

Every woman who ate the meat from the shop got pregnant like this and the animals birthed became more monstrous each time, until it was all just writhing fleshy mystery parts and the mothers died.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I was called out to investigate claims of a squatter at one of the houses on the outskirts of town where an old lady lived. She was in her eighties and on her own inhabited this place.

She was a stingy woman that had a sneer of curdled milk. To put it frankly: she was a bitch. I would not hesitate to hesitate on calling a hospital if I found her injured on the ground.

If I haven't mentioned this already: I am a cop.

So I drove up to her house and tapped on the door, immediately I my gut tells me something is off. But I push the feeling aside.

She opened the door and just stood there. I asked her if I could come in and she hissed a no. Confused on why I was even sent out here, I asked if she had called. Something in the air changed and the elderly gateway goblin let me in.

The place was freezing. It was relief from the sweltering heat outside.

The house had one level and five bedrooms, and no fucks given about tornadoes. The walls were covered sporadically with blank sticky notes.

We sat down across from each other.

I questioned “What am I doing here?”

“There is somebody in this house. I need you to stay the night to catch them when they come out from their hiding spot. They have been poisoning my food and water.” she stated crankily.

I stayed the night.

On any other day I would have left after she did and act as if I had stayed, but something was telling me I needed to be there.

Once she was gone I took some time to look around. Two of the rooms in her house were filled to the ceiling with unused baby items like diapers, food and clothing. This only got more concerning when I entered a different room that was an actual baby room with a crib. I peek into the crib and there was a large grotesque doll in place of an infant.

I can say I left that room unsettled.

In the kitchen the only food was junk. The cabinets were packed with chips and sweets. It was as if she had never even heard the word 'vegetable’ before. I have insulin problems so I didn't have any of the so called food. I instead sat on a couch in the living room. Everything was coated in febreze spray, not an inch was spared. I thought for a moment that she may have just been poisoning herself with all the nonsense I had seen, and been imagining things loopy on air freshener.

That was until it hit midnight.

The clock struck twelve.

The first thing I noticed was a change in the air.

The once cool and floral air had turned into a hot and humid dredge that smelt of rot.

I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth in an attempted to block it, but it didn't help all that much. It was like something large had died in there and the cooling was broken.

I got up off the couch and sped to the exit. It was locked from the outside. The door knob was on the wrong side in the way that I would need a key to open it. I pounded my fist on the door to test if it was real. Suddenly all of the sticky notes flew off the walls and swirled in a cyclone. Eye balls opened out of the structure of the house, chipping the paint away to reveal a red fleshy mucus membrane beneath. Angry that I had awakened them from their sleep.

The flipped entry got sealed over by a meaty layer at the whole space shifted.

I was panicking. Soon it's entirety had me trapped in a beating flesh cube. I was frozen with terror. After an indeterminable amount of time a pucker formed in the muscle of the ceiling where a light had been. There was a squelching noise as sludge seeped out of the divot. I stared disgusted as it did this for a while before a large mass covered in slime was shot out and hit the ground. The eyes still watching me, I walked cautiously towards the mass.

I was the baby doll from the crib now face down into wetness. Not knowing what else to do I reached for it.

I know now that was a bad move.

No more than two seconds after picking it up it swiveled it’s head round back to face me.

I screamed and chucked it away.

The thing stood itself up and slowly opened its mouth. This was made worse by the fact that it was not a toy made for this and it had razors in place of teeth. It then spoke.

“You should never have come here.”

It's voice sounded old and distant like a scratched record player.

I had gotten to a point of fear where I was now numb to everything happening and I wound up yelling “Don't you think I fucking know this already!?”

The toy spoke again now slightly hesitant.

“You were never meant to exist. Humanity is a lie.”

The message didn't get through to me because I had become really pissed off “DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT!? I didn't want to come out here in the first place! The person you should be doing this how speal to is not me, it's that old bitch who lives here with all the dusty candy! Jesus Christ! I would not even be here if it weren't for my damn pay check!”

We stood there in silence for a moment before it said a soft and frustrated “Get out.”

The flesh peeled away and showed a fixed door.

I shouted a thanks for nothing as I walked out while simultaneously flipping off the place with an arm raised in the air.

That was not my proudest moment.

After I got out of the house the exit was forced shut. Everything was relatively normal outside.

Back at the station the woman called to tell me that she wished I would die because I left before she came back. I hung up the phone. She was never heard from again.

#original writing #my writings #horror #cosmic horror #loafuswtfutg #part 1 #short stories

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

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This week's big debate seems to be about Cas and humanity. I've read posts that are both excited and upset about how it seems like Cas is eventually going to choose to become human. I was wondering if you had any insight into whether that's a good thing or a bad thing for him, or if he should choose to stay an angel.

Heya! :) I am going to answer this to the best of my ability which is a liiittle bit loopy and over-tired today :P

But yeah I have been scrolling my dash and I am not dead yet so I have seen this discussion going on :D I sort of feel like I haven’t got much to say about it in a way that I haven’t said/agreed with before (so it’s been redundant to weigh in), but like… riiiight back when I was a Fandom Newbie and getting to know the lay of the land and I just got absorbed right into the general fandom consensus at that time among the groups of meta writers I glommed onto…

I mean, because I showed up after 9x18, and then though of course I was around for the following episodes I really started the whole circus of new episode reactions along with everyone, with season 10… between tearing apart the Cas stuff in 9x18 and then the Cas and Hannah stuff in 10x01-3 it just seemed really really obvious where Carver was going with it, and what it meant to Cas? And I mean okay this was 3 (4?) years ago but I also feel like with Cas’s development getting stalled over and over and over except in tangential ways, this was all put on ice like 3 times over before he even got possessed by Lucifer, so the MAJOR work on this was between the last minutes of 8x23 and 10x18 and even then that’s the STORYTELLING of it, and of course Cas himself puts the whole thing on ice as something he has the luxury to think about in 9x09. (Except for the one peanut butter and jelly conversation.)

So in 9x18 the MAJOR thing is that the lyrics “loneliness is a coat you wear” are laid over Cas taking off the coat to mend it (although that’s left out so it’s more like… he takes it off to gather his thoughts on what he’s going to do next, which is even more symbolic and useless in a practical way of why he does it). He then puts the coat back on to greet his army… And in a few episodes Metatron does the “draped yourself in the flag of Heaven” thing, which when 9x18 is all about the subtext and telling us to pay attention, I find a very very straight line to what that meant about him doing similar to 12x19 - using Heaven but not wanting Heaven, and never mind his motivation with Dean (and that being what changes his mind and makes him play Metatron’s game), the way it portrays Heaven as an obligation and a duty to help, but with a loneliness that comes from wearing that coat. He’s walking out into a parking lot full of angels but the lyrics are screaming that he’s without love, and lonely, and the end of the season confirms these choices were the reason.

And in season 10 it gets more personal, and we have Hannah as a counter example. With Daniel in 10x01 who wants to stay on earth and gets what that’s all about we see Cas empathising, but at the end of the episode he goes way deeper than that, talking about human things that upset and startle Hannah. She literally drapes the flag of Heaven over him in 10x02 and smooths it down and accidentally reveals that the plaid of Winchesters is underneath the collar all along, and Cas is sleeping and acting more and more human while sick. She wants to give him his grace back to stop this and he resists… Out of penance and lack of self-worth and knowing he did a heinous thing to steal grace in the first place (again, for Dean, not just to be an angel again but because he needed to survive to warn him about Ezekiel). But symbolically she is trying to make him take the grace and be an angel. Be a leader, the angel the others will rally behind and follow. She represents how all of Heaven feels about him (and 12x19 and 12x15 cover similar ground in what Kelvin says about Cas).

But also in 10x07 it goes deeper with how she feels about humanity - that the human things are forbidden, that love and enjoying sensual pleasures like showers are just *wrong* for angels to experience. She rejects human things entirely as stuff that’s not for her, and nopes out hard. And she is symbolic of angels in general, of Heaven’s desires and feelings in general when she asks him to be a leader.

This is the sort of pressure - innocent of malice but FULL of lack of understanding - that is at odds with what Cas FEELS which is full empathy to wanting to be on earth… an actual understanding and feeling for these human things. He’s in his own body without a shared vessel as 10x09 goes on to confirm, which means he has none of the conflict Hannah does there, and 10x09 paints quite a picture of Cas as wildly unlike all the angels in this way, because it confirms for once and for all he’s alone in there and the Jimmy issue is resolved.

To quickly skip ahead on this side of things, 12x10 shows the same thing but dialled up to a zillion. Instead of Hannah standing in for a clueless family that doesn’t understand and can’t empathise with the different feelings and sense of belonging Cas has, but is still mostly harmless if accidentally intolerant and stifling with their expectations and demands, we have Ishim, who stands in for the worst sort of family experience with intolerance. He’s also in love with a human and that’s the metaphor for violent, self-loathing homophobia I guess, as he kills Lily’s daughter to emotionally sever himself from her, to no avail, and tries to kill Cas for having the same “weakness”. Lashing out with hatred because of the internalised feelings of crossing a taboo line that their society has turned into a harsh rule. Supposedly good reasons are offered with the nephilim thing, but obviously Cas and Dean aren’t gonna have a baby any time soon, so the metaphor unfolds itself as queer through and through once Ishim turns on Dean.

And to walk aaaall the way back DOWN canon, I’m stalled in my rewatch in 4x10 at Anna pacing around talking about how she did the worst thing imaginable and cut out her grace and fell. 4x10 is the first episode to actually explore the nature of angels and lays down some ground rules, like that sex and disobedience are forbidden.

ANNAOrders are orders. I’m sure I have a death sentence on my head.

PAMELAWhy?

ANNAI disobeyed… which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell.

DEANMeaning?

PAMELAShe fell to earth, became human.

(I have the transcript open and scrolled down to that part in a tab and have for months… CBA to go find her talking about sex later but I think we all know the stuff she says)

That “worst thing you can do” line feels to me like with retcons from 12x10, that the “sacred oath” may be any sort of angel to human dalliance or connection or desire to BE and to be FREE. The same thing Hannah nopes out of in 10x07 is what Anna had to tear out her grace to experience. Anna having to take her grace back to survive is tragic, especially as it puts her right in the vulnerable firing line of Naomi’s reprogramming. This metaphor is SO much worse with Anna than even Cas, as it’s so simple about her returning to her family as an angel again after making a break to be free and live as a human like she wants, then to be tortured back to the family line and pure obedience, to her eventual death as an unrecognisable killer, a la Cas in 8x17. But without the sympathetic inside view and long arc to explain it or the narrative having any interest in saving her >.> (Hi, I like Anna and am bitter about that whole thing 5eva :P)

Cas in 9x09 also takes back a grace to survive (and this whole arc brings in the clear concept that has been on the backburner since Anna of grace and consciousness as 2 separate things, and grace to an angel being more of its power than its mind, though functionally they seem one and the same when nothing hinky is going on - something else important for human endgame as well as showing ways of removing grace without falling and turning into a human baby)… Again like Anna Cas has little choice when he takes the grace back. He was happy to die human until he learned Sam and Dean were in trouble, and made a horrific choice to help them by stealing grace. After that getting his real grace seemed like the only way to fix him dying of his actions, though he seemed happy to again, the story had other ideas :P (And Mittens wrote something on how Cas has “let himself die” in the way he didn’t in 10x18, where he has to pass through death for change and reaping the character benefits of transitions. (Flyingfish1′s heroine journey meta also comes to mind). Of course by not letting himself die, he’s trapped in the 10x18 > 12x19 holding pattern on his entire life and personal arcs except the ever-worsening depression and self-worth arcs that spring up in the meantime, and the belonging one.)

Anyway it’s all connected, these angels with their connections to humanity, either what they really really want and are denied by fate, or by fate end up experiencing, and really really don’t want. Or in Ishim’s case he really wanted and then because of being an example of a total tool representing institutional prejudices, decided murder was the best way out of his brush with feeling human things. And they all tell us things about Cas from different angles, with different angels (sorry. wordplay was right there.) The long and short of it is that Cas is supposed to be one of those marble statues with no doubts (in 4x10 - *buzzer noise* WRONG *points at 4x07 and “I have doubts”) or that human things are not for them (*points at Cas even bringing up the subject and confusing Hannah about why you’d want to learn them and horrified that Cas seemed to have picked up human cooties by admiring these qualities in the first place*) or indeed that angels in general are massively intolerant to humans and from start to finish it’s a death penalty offence to get tangled up with them or want to be/be one of them. (I know 12x10 is more applicable to the Destiel side of things but the general message about Heaven’s intolerance with “humanity” instead of queerness with all the other examples makes a lot of sense to me.)

Actually I’ve seen the argument a lot that this debate is metaphorical to the trans experience for Cas changing species, even more than the interspecies romance parallel to sexuality metaphors, and I think it is fairly simple to me that this is part of the general queer metaphor applied to Cas as something the angels are intolerant of. 12x10 threw in the Benjamin stuff too and made it a little angel gender studies thing (which Hannah also helped with in 10x17 by reprising her “totally in love with Cas” look in a male vessel and not giving a crap about the change). With Benjamin they said that the angel Cas was closest to there was the one who had a ….. friendship ….. with his vessel. So there’s a lot going on there between that and the “his vessel is a woman, benjamin is an angel” thing) :P

I think, anyway, Anna wanting to be human and getting disowned on pain of death and having to become an angel again, and even then being hunted for daring to not be an angel once, is the closest parallel to what Cas faces. Especially for internalised ideas he had at the time and hadn’t got to unlearn until he was a human.

And I think, additionally to that, he may not have even realised that being human even answered his feeling of not belonging or being different until AFTER it happened. Like, Metatron forced it on him too soon and then everything was non-stop awful and then suddenly he’s had to get grace again (and heading for that flag of heaven metaphor), and only then he gets to reflect on what it felt like, by way of being an angel again looking back on it. It was so brutal and short that he never got a chance to appreciate being human at the time in a way where it would explain to him what he lacks.

By 10x18 he has the family dinner and he takes his coat off for it. Heaven has rejected him, he’s seemingly chosen the Winchesters again, and got his grace back, but he has to go back to the grind, and he doesn’t change his wardrobe, he keeps the coat which is basically performative angel-ness with Winchester plaid underneath.

(Actually about the only time I can think of that angel-ness is used as the queer metaphor and not the other way around is in 9x06 when Cas is playing cis straight human to Nora and Dean shows up yelling about him being an angel at his workplace… I think that’s a very circumstantial metaphor which is more about delightfully queercoding the entire thing than a wider statement… After all, contained within a season where the main arc for Cas is leading a heaven army thing, and ending in “i just want to be an angel” in utter, tragic defeat on the emotional battlefield. Absolutely NOT a statement on what would make Cas feel HAPPY, just useful and numb, per 10x03 and what he says about human pain and how revealing those lines are side by side about what Cas is feeling and how angel is he REALLY, like, deep down in his too-big heart where it matters)

But yeah he just keeps on going after 10x18 and this all kinda drops away, so I think until season 12 basically nothing was really done to mess around with this concept again in a substantial, meaningful way aside from attack dog and similar arcs tangential to this and more about Cas’s state of mind in general (as the same conflict can be applied to Dean when human). It has become more about Cas belonging in the Winchesters as the main thing - 12x19 has Cas being way more upfront about using Kelvin to his face, that he’s only going along with it because his old connections to Heaven are useful, as well as shining a massive spotlight on Cas considering himself a guardian angel as a bad bad thing, which is actively damaging his beloved family relationships and especially upsetting Dean. He would rather protect them from afar, and I think long-term Cas ending up with the Winchesters but as an angel would always be somewhat prone to that sort of thought in an emergency that as a more powerful being he would have to protect them, and a sense of not belonging entirely as another species that can’t quiiite relate no matter how different he is and how much more kinship he feels with humanity even as an angel. I can’t see that as a happy ending, and since 12x19 it feels rather more like it would be not finishing a plotline that is not JUST about this relationship but using it to move the piece on the board about Cas’s human arc forward another step, as his endgame would be not just as human, but also with them, so tying the concepts together isn’t a bad idea, as long as it’s clear this is something in season 9 and 10 Cas came to as a desire without very much contact with them at all, and therefore very much for himself as an understanding of what he is and what he desires.

And, again, I don’t think Cas has great resources for self-reflection on the subject - not just that Metatron had to turn him human briefly to even make him realise he could ever do it, but something like using the belonging with family arc to help speed it along gives him a clear reason and goal for why it works and would feel right for him and to give him the place to self-analyse with motivation. I really don’t like the idea of equating this entirely with Cas’s belonging with the Winchesters arc all on its own, though. It CAN’T just be about that he should be human to be with his human friends/family etc. But I do think that a lot of the work to explain why he identifies with humanity has ALREADY been done and is a solid, existing part of his character already.

In a happy ending even if it all gets told tied up with the Winchesters, I would point to season 9 & 10 to argue that it was not JUST FOR them, but that they were the soft landing for him to make a decision. If he became human he wouldn’t be forcing himself to fit in with them, he would be doing it for himself. I mean, since season 4 he is equated with Anna, protesting loudly he’s nothing like her when even before we meet her he admits to one of the cardinal sins of doubt. He has ALWAYS had a slight leaning towards humanity and clearly described as UNANGELIC traits and feelings. So in this way he’s always FELT different and therefore as it gets expanded and expanded and ends up being a deeply complex metaphor and fascinating way to relate to Cas, it’s clear this is an inherent part of him from the start. The human feelings that Hannah violently nopes out of have been things Cas has tolerated, defined himself by, and felt all along. She’s used to show that Cas hasn’t ever been bothered in the same way, and just uses her leaving as an excuse to delve even deeper into human connections by worrying about Claire, and in the narrative, walking us right into proving he has his own body and no Jimmy, and another way Cas is both unique, and uniquely suited to a human endgame.

I think though that a lot of this is personal and subjective on the arguments going around, and I see this sooo deeply through the old meta I read back in season 9 & 10 which has shaped all my ongoing thoughts I do know I have developed probably my own biases on this. I think Cas would never be happy as an angel in a happy families endgame because the Guardian Angel Cas issue (which was his downfall in season 6, so not a new thing, just re-focused recently) would always play on his mind as it’s shown that he self-sabotages his relationships in order to protect them. I see it like season 4 Sam using his powers to exorcise because it’s an ethical way to get rid of demons quick in a fight without stabbing the innocent meatsuit. In season 5 even knowing aaall the trouble it caused him and that Ruby played off his desire to save people as a GOOD thing to do great evil, he was tempted by the demon blood and regrets/resents not being able to use powers to exorcise the kids. (Obviously before he learns they were all just human all along because that episode is so disturbing >.>)

Even if it went some pretty hinky places (as in the end of season 6 for Cas and the guardian angel mentality, with Crowley as his Ruby, as he uses “i still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian” as a justification) Sam’s motives were for good originally and he missed the idea of sacrificing his own morality to save people for an objective better good. Cas seeing his powers as making him more powerful, therefore more expendable, less included, and with a personal sense of duty to watch over and protect them, HAVING the powers would only ever be living in temptation to do a 12x19 again. Sam only recovers properly without the powers to tempt him and I feel he’s in a very different place as a person by now… Cas with a human endgame might not get room to grow out of it on screen but by his grace being removed (hopefully and tbh by necessity willingly), he’d have the potential and promise that he would be able to recover in the same way from this toxic mentality. And I consider 12x19 very much doing for Cas and the guardian angel thing what Carver era and 8x01 especially did for the codependency. Just put it all on the table and told us, this is hurting them more than it’s doing good in the world. Let’s look at how it hurts them and why. Let’s aim to fix it and let them move past it.

And even if Cas can start to recover from some broad strokes, like feeling more included, feeling like less of a tool/personal attack dog, he will only have a long term chance at happiness if the temptation is removed at the source, and he will need to UNDERSTAND that too and to vocalise some things about his reasons for watching over them like this LONG before he chooses humanity. And these are very much my personal subjective feelings on why it feels BAD to me that Cas would stay an angel, as it’s right off on another end of the spectrum of why people are arguing they feel bad if he would become human. To me the personal identity stuff right down to complex sexuality and gender metaphors are MAIN TEXT in Cas’s arc due to him being an inherently queer character. The “it feel bad” reaction to me right now is that I feel sad for Cas being an angel around the Winchesters forever because he will always be their guardian angel and that’s BAD for what he WANTS which is just to be a part of the family with no complicated strings attached like his obligation to protect them. So to me I see humanity as the obvious answer to that. But that’s a personal reading of what I hope would happen and why. So my explanation of what I see in the text is one thing and this part is another, if that makes sense?

… I hope any of this makes sense. I apologise for typing so long… I know I said I’ve said it all before but I mean I assume you’re not tag-diving on my blog if you’re just asking me and tbh I wouldn’t know what tag to dive either and they’re *my* tags so I’m not judging ;)

#Asks #Caaas #human!Cas #long post for ts #Cas analysis

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almostafantasia · 8 years ago

Text

more than a name

wayhaught hogwarts au | chapter 6/?

Being an Earp at Hogwarts is tough. Being the youngest Earp and constantly living in the shadows of two older sisters is nothing short of a nightmare.

Willa, newly appointed Head Girl and Slytherin’s sweetheart. Wynonna, the notorious troublemaker who spends more time in detention than out of it. And then there’s Waverly, whose life crumbles into tiny pieces when she doesn’t get awarded the Prefect badge that she spent her first four years at Hogwarts striving towards.

Enter Nicole Haught – Hufflepuff, Muggleborn, and general bundle of sunshine – whose unexpected but not entirely unwelcome arrival into Waverly’s life puts Waverly on the path to discover who she is in more ways than one.

Read on AO3.

The Christmas holidays arrive far too quickly, a blur of festivities and end of term celebrations that Waverly barely notices because her brain is consumed with the fact that she kissed Nicole.

She kissed Nicole. That was a thing that happened. Waverly still can’t entirely believe that it wasn’t a dream.

Even more alarmingly, Nicole kissed her back.

It was everything that Waverly thinks a first kiss is supposed to be; tentative, a little clumsy, butterfly-inducing, but overwhelmingly it just felt right. Like Waverly’s lips were destined to meet Nicole’s.

Waverly thinks that maybe she should be a little frightened of just how right it did feel, or confused about the fact that not even ten minutes after telling Willa that Nicole would only ever be just a friend (and believing those words herself) she was throwing herself at Nicole by the lips and enjoying it, but she isn’t. The only thing she feels other than the all-encompassing peace that comes with finally finding what seems to be her purpose in life (kissing Nicole), is a worry that maybe Nicole doesn’t like her quite as much in return.

They don’t get a chance to speak about the kiss before term ends. There’s always too much going on or too many other people around and it doesn’t seem right to have the “so we kissed, what now?” conversation while Wynonna is right next to them reeling off a list of increasingly creative ways she could get back at Professor Lucado for giving her a Dreadful on her most recent Defence Against the Dark Arts essay.

So they wait, and then the Christmas holidays arrive and because it’s not really the kind of conversation they can have via owl either, then have to wait even longer.

Waverly thinks that they’re okay though. The hug that Nicole gives her as they bid goodbye to each other at King’s Cross is almost slightly too long to be friendly and is full of whispered promises to send regular owls to each other while they aren’t at school.

Three weeks have never passed slower than they do during the Christmas holidays.

There really isn’t much for Waverly to do at home. She commits herself fully to helping Aunt Gus get the house ready for Christmas, but once the towering Christmas tree has been set up in its rightful place in the corner of the living room and decorated with colourful ornaments, and the rest of the house has been tidied to within an inch of its life and covered with festive wreaths and garlands, there’s very little else for Waverly to do except for listen to her sisters squabble and bury herself in work.

But even that isn’t really enough. Waverly finishes all the schoolwork set for her to do during the break within the first three days of being at home, before deciding to immerse herself in a complex Ancient Runes textbook that isn’t even on the curriculum until next year, but she finds it difficult to concentrate, even on her favourite subject, when all her mind wants to focus on is the memory of Nicole’s scent enveloping her body as her soft lips slowly tease Waverly across the precipice into heaven.

Because the problem is, Waverly isn’t trying to alleviate boredom (an advanced runes textbook would usually do a more than good enough job of that), she’s trying to distract herself from thoughts of Nicole before she has a complete mental breakdown from replaying that kiss over and over again in her mind.

It’s all very overwhelming. Waverly is having a difficult enough time comprehending the fact that she does have feelings for Nicole, let alone what those feelings might mean for the future of their relationship, whether that’s as friends or something more. It feels so incredibly sudden – Waverly has never felt like this about a girl before, or maybe not about anybody – but when she compares it to Champ, who pestered her for three weeks until she finally gave in and agreed to go out with him, it also feels very right.

When getting lost in the whirlwind of her own mind gets a little too much, Waverly pays a visit to the local Muggle library and after a failed attempt at using their computers (she knows that there’s a thing called an ‘internet’ that will supposedly answer any question that she asks it but she has no idea how to use it and asking the elderly Muggle librarian for help is just not an option when a Muggle her age would know how to do it by herself) she settles for doing her research the old-fashioned way – with a book.

There are only a couple of books in the library that discuss sexuality, and Waverly tucks herself away in a corner as she pores over them, learning the meaning of words that she’s never even heard of before. It’s all very fascinating stuff to read and is certainly at least a little bit helpful. Waverly comes away from the experience with the knowledge that there are lots of possible labels for what she’s feeling towards Nicole, but that at the end of the day, all that really matters is the fact that she does have feelings for Nicole, and that she wants to act on them.

As promised, she and Nicole correspond by owl every few days. Nicole doesn’t have an owl of her own, instead an orange cat called Calamity Jane that Waverly briefly met on the train from Hogwarts to King’s Cross at the end of term, but they send Waverly’s owl back and forth with letters talking about how fed up Waverly is of her sisters, while Nicole tells Waverly about the work she’s doing helping out in a bakery owned by her aunt in the busy run up to Christmas.

Nicole finishes each letter with a variation of “I miss you” and each time Waverly sees those words written in Nicole’s loopy handwriting, she feels herself falling a little bit more for the girl on the other end of these letters.

Waverly’s owl arrives on Christmas morning laden with so many parcels that it’s a wonder she could even fly carrying such a load. There are three large gifts wrapped in brown paper and neatly labelled and addressed in Nicole’s familiar handwriting, one for Waverly, one for Wynonna, and a third for ‘the Earp/McCready family’.

Waverly tears the paper off her own gift with careful enthusiasm to find an unlabelled white box inside, but when she lifts the lid the aroma of sugary treats fills the air as she reveals the contents. There’s an assortment of cakes, biscuits, and other baked delights inside, as well as a few brightly coloured Muggle sweets and chocolates. There’s a small folded note in the corner and Waverly extracts it from its sticky confines, opening it to read Nicole’s writing.

Dearest Waverly,

Merry Christmas! Here are a selection of treats from my aunt’s bakery. Try them and let me know what you think – she’s always looking for honest feedback and suggestions to make things better!

I also included some Muggle chocolates following that conversation we had a few weeks ago. You can thank me later for enlightening you!

Missing you loads and can’t wait to see you in January!

Love, Nicole

“Holy mother of Merlin,” Wynonna groans in delight from across the room. There’s powdered sugar on her nose and she’s already two mouthfuls into one of the doughnuts in her own gift from Nicole. “These are possibly the best doughnuts I’ve ever had.”

The box addressed to the entire family contains a Christmas cake and Aunt Gus looks positively thrilled at the sight of it, rushing it off to the kitchen for safekeeping away from Wynonna’s already sticky hands, before reminding Waverly to thank Nicole for her generosity.

Waverly agrees as she tears the shiny purple wrapper off something that calls itself a ‘Curly Wurly’, not even caring that the hard caramel almost glues her back teeth together. The conversation she had with Nicole about Muggle versus Wizarding confectionary took place almost two months ago just after the visit to Hogsmeade the solidified their new friendship, and Waverly is both surprised and touched that Nicole remembers it well enough to have sent Waverly a few treats to try.

Not to mention the delicious-looking baked goods. If the obscene sounds that Wynonna is making as she tucks into a second doughnut are anything to go by, Waverly’s assortment of cakes will be just as tasty as they look.

It’s one of the nicest, most thoughtful gifts that Waverly has ever received, and that includes the set of expensive quills she opened from Aunt Gus less than an hour ago, and the fact that it comes from Nicole has Waverly’s heart fluttering like a swarm of excited pixies in her chest.

When Nicole catches sight of Waverly on Platform Nine and Three Quarters in January, she trips over her own feet and almost sends the trolley holding her trunk, her cat, and her broomstick sprawling across the platform. She’s grateful that she manages to right herself at the last minute. Nicole is returning to school with an unofficial New Year’s resolution to be cool and suave around Waverly following their kiss last term, and upending her trolley before she’s even had the chance to say hi to Waverly would shatter her plans in an instant.

It’s just that Waverly looks angelic, dressed in a snow white jumper knitted from the fluffiest wool Nicole has ever seen and with her long hair tumbling in perfect curls over her shoulders. Across the platform, Waverly tips her head back and laughs at something that Chrissy Nedley says, and Nicole’s heart soars at how pure Waverly’s happiness is.

And then Waverly turns her head and her eyes meet Nicole’s across the platform, and Nicole is glad that she’s standing still because if she were moving, she is certain that she would end up in a crumpled heap on the floor beneath a pile of her own luggage.

Waverly excuses herself from Chrissy and then manoeuvres her way through the crowd of students and parents swarming the platform, until she is standing in front of Nicole with a beaming grin on her face.

“Hey, you,” Nicole greets Waverly breathlessly.

“Is that all I’m getting?” Waverly pouts playfully. “Come on, where’s my hug? It’s been three frickin’ weeks since I last saw you!”

Nicole lifts her hands from the trolley, prying her fingers out of the white-knuckle grip they have on the metal handle, and wraps her arms around Waverly’s shoulders at the same time that Waverly’s squeeze her around the middle. Their height different means that Nicole’s face buries itself into the fluffy hair just above Waverly’s right ear and she inhales deeply. Waverly’s scent is intoxicating, a floral perfume masking an underlying musky aroma that Nicole thinks is probably just Waverly herself. It reminds her of the last time she was close enough to fill her nostrils with this smell and how Waverly’s perfume clung to her school jumper for days after they kissed in the library.

A heavy blush rises to Nicole’s cheeks at the memory and she is grateful that it’s January and she can pass the colour off as her reaction to the chill in the air.

“So how was your holiday?” asks Waverly, excitement in her eyes.

“It was good,” Nicole replies with a nod. “It’s always nice to go back to the Muggle world and take a break from all the magic, but I can’t wait to be back at Hogwarts.”

“Thank you for the present, by the way,” Waverly says with a smile. “Those cakes were scrumptious.”

Nicole smiles to herself, because Waverly Earp is the only person who would use the word ‘scrumptious’ unironically and get away with it.

“I’ll tell my aunt you enjoyed them,” says Nicole.

“Wynonna enjoyed her gift too,” Waverly continues. “She even threatened to move into your aunt’s bakery full time when she leaves Hogwarts! She seemed amazed that Muggles are able to make such good doughnuts without the use of magic. Of course, I told her that doughnuts are a classic Muggle treat that probably originated from the Dutch olykoek but she told me to shut up and stop being a nerd.”

“Hey, do me a favour,” says Nicole, reaching out to rest her hand on Waverly’s shoulder as she looks earnestly into Waverly’s eyes. “Never stop being a nerd around me, okay? It’s one of the things I like most about you.”

Waverly’s eyebrows shoot up and Nicole can tell that she’s trying to hide the shy little smile that passes across her lips, which in turn has Nicole blushing again. Nicole suddenly becomes aware that this is the first time they’ve spent one-on-one time with each other since their kiss and that despite their frequent owls over the Christmas holidays, the kiss is not a subject that they’ve discussed, or even mentioned in passing, at all.

For all intents and purposes, it could have been a product of Nicole’s imagination.

Except that the memory of the press of Waverly’s lips against hers, the feeling of Waverly’s soft hands caressing her face and cupping her jaw, the pressure of Waverly’s slight frame pressed between her own body and the bookshelf, are all far too vivid to be just a dream.

Which means that it really happened, and that it’s something that they should probably talk about before things have the chance to get weird.

“So I think that maybe we should talk abou-” Nicole starts, but her suggestion is cut off by the shrill screech of the conductor’s whistle piercing the air, informing everybody on the platform that the train will be departing in five minutes.

“We should get your luggage onto the train,” Waverly says, lifting Nicole’s broomstick off the trolley and tucking it under one arm, while picking up the carrier containing Nicole’s orange cat in the other hand. “Mine’s already onboard. I saved us a compartment.”

Nicole nods with a swallow, frowning as she considers whether Waverly knows what Nicole was about to say and is choosing to ignore the conversation that they so desperately need to have, or if the loud whistle has just distracted her from the fact that Nicole was mid-sentence at the time.

Hauling her trunk off the trolley, Nicole wheels it along behind her as she follows Waverly to the nearest train door and between the two of them, they manage to get all of Nicole’s luggage on board the train with a couple of minutes to spare. Waverly leads the way down the narrow corridor, past compartments full of Hogwarts students happy to be reunited with their friends after three weeks apart, until Waverly slides open the door to one that is empty but for Waverly’s large trunk in the rack above the seats and her owl in a cage on the floor in the centre.

The train rumbles into life, slowly pulling out of the station as it starts its long journey up north, and Nicole decides to make another attempt at talking to Waverly about the kiss.

“Anyway,” says Nicole, as they store her trunk next to Waverly’s, “as I was saying out on the platform…”

“Hey guys!”

Nicole lets out a groan of frustration as the compartment door slides open and Waverly’s friend Jeremy enters. All she wants is to check in with Waverly and make sure that the kiss they shared isn’t going to affect their friendship, as well as possibly testing the waters to see if her feelings for Waverly are reciprocated beyond one spur of the moment kiss following a heated encounter with Willa. But it seems like the universe is throwing everything at her to prevent that conversation from ever happening. And Nicole doesn’t believe in omens – three years of the bullshit that was Divination classes made sure of that – but it feels a lot like there’s a greater force at work telling her not to have this conversation at all.

“Do you mind if I sit with you guys?” Jeremy asks, gesturing to the empty seats in their compartment.

Nicole is in half a mind to tell Jeremy that yes, she does mind, and could he please go away and leave her alone with Waverly for the foreseeable future, but then Wynonna chooses that exact moment to push past Jeremy and sprawls sideways across three whole seats. Nicole realises that the Hogwarts Express is the very last place that she and Waverly are going to find some privacy.

“’Sup, Haught,” says Wynonna. “Good holidays?” Her eyes fall on Jeremy, who is still hovering awkwardly by the open compartment door, and she scowls at him before asking, “What’s the dork doing here?”

“Sorry, I’ll just…” mumbles Jeremy, gesturing over his shoulder as he takes a couple of steps back out of the compartment.

“No!” Waverly protests, grabbing Jeremy by the wrist and pulling him fully inside. “Ignore Wynonna, she can be a bitch in the mornings. You’re more than welcome to sit with us.” Turning her attention to Nicole, Waverly asks innocently, “What were you saying, Nicole?”

Disheartened, Nicole tries not to let it show on her face and shrugs as she sits down opposite Wynonna in the seat next to the window and answers, “Oh, it was nothing.”

Taking her seat next to Nicole, as Jeremy takes the third on their side of the compartment, Waverly says, “Wynonna, I told Nicole how much you enjoyed those doughnuts.”

There is not much that can get a horizontal Wynonna to sit up, but talk about doughnuts is one of those things. Wynonna shoots upright, leaning forward as she says to Nicole, “They were fucking incredible. I would let those doughnuts do some really nasty things to me.”

“Ew,” winces Nicole. “I won’t pass that feedback on to my aunt. I’ll just tell her that you really enjoyed them.”

“Is you aunt single?” asks Wynonna. “Can I marry her?”

“She’s been happily married for sixteen years and has two kids.”

“Damn,” groans Wynonna, collapsing back against the seat. “I’m going to need a constant supply of doughnuts to stop me from falling into a deep depressive cycle.” Wynonna pauses, her eyes flicking between the three of them, before she finally prompts them impatiently, “Aren’t you going to ask what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Jeremy asks obediently, eager to get on Wynonna’s good side.

“I’m glad you asked,” Wynonna says, as if she didn’t invite him to do so beforehand. “Dolls has a girlfriend.”

Nicole’s eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise. She likes Dolls but she can’t imagine him with a girlfriend. He’s always very work-oriented, focused on classes and homework and prefect duties and it surprises her that he’s got the time for a girlfriend, let alone managed to actually managed to find himself one.

It also surprises Nicole that his girlfriend is not Wynonna, considering the fact that she knows Dolls has a bit of a thing for the middle Earp sister, but when she reminds herself of Wynonna’s current state as Hogwarts’ resident hot mess, she realises that Wynonna is clearly not ready to have a boyfriend, whether that is Dolls or anybody else.

“Dolls has a girlfriend?” Waverly exclaims, echoing Nicole’s surprise. “But I thought that he and you…”

“I know, right!” Wynonna nods emphatically in agreement. “I’ve been flirting with him for like, at least a year and a half. I thought we had a good thing going.”

“Flirting with him for a year and a half but also sleeping with Doc Holliday and being quite public about it,” Nicole reminds Wynonna, wincing as she earns a scowl in response to her truthfulness. “Maybe Dolls is fed up of the mixed signals.”

Wynonna grumbles indistinguishably under her breath for a few seconds, before saying, “Maybe, but Eliza fucking Shapiro? He’s going to replace me with that bitch?”

“I’m sure she’s a very nice girl,” Waverly pipes up.

“The only thing nice about Eliza Shapiro is her taste in underwear,” Wynonna replies. With a reluctant shrug, she continues, “That girl can rock a bit of lace.”

Wynonna continues to surprise Nicole and as she frowns in confusion, Nicole dares to ask, “How do you-? You’re not even in the same house.” Nicole shakes her head, before saying, “Never mind, I don’t think I even want to know how you know that.”

Nicole takes a little bit of consolation from the fact that Waverly looks equally as confused beside her, while Jeremy seems positively harrowed by the thought of a girl wearing lacy underwear, his face pale and his eyes wide in revulsion.

Before Wynonna is able to provide them with an answer as to why she is knowledgeable on the underwear preferences of one of her female classmates, the compartment door slides open yet again and Doc Holliday hovers in the doorway.

“Hello ladies,” he greets the three girls, before turning his attention to Jeremy, and holding out his hand. “I don’t think we’ve met. You can call me Doc.”

“Doc Holliday,” Jeremy says enthusiastically, grasping Doc’s hand with both of his own. “I’m Jeremy. I’m a huge fan … I mean, I’ve always looked up to you and-”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jeremy,” says Doc, interrupting Jeremy’s babbling admiration.

Nicole represses a laugh at the way Jeremy looks like he might pass out from excitement, and she makes a mental note to tease Jeremy about his little crush on the older boy at a later time.

“You doing anything tonight, Doc?” Wynonna asks the newest arrival to their compartment, raising her eyebrows as a suggestive smirk passes across her lips, apparently forgetting her sadness at Dolls’ new relationship status from just a few moments ago. “Wanna hang out? Maybe in one of those disused classrooms on the fifth floor…?”

“Ew,” Waverly grimaces, and knowing both exactly what Wynonna means by ‘hang out’ and what Hogwarts’ older students tend to use those disused classrooms for, Nicole has to agree.

“I’m afraid I have already promised tonight to Rosita,” replies Doc apologetically. “Speaking of, I need to go and find her now. It was nice to see you all again. A pleasure to meet you, Jeremy.”

As soon as Doc is out of earshot, Wynonna lets out a disgruntled huff.

“Rosita?” she asks incredulously. “Rosita Bustillos? As in Tits McGee?”

Rosita is a Ravenclaw in Nicole and Wynonna’s year; smart, witty, and top of the year in Potions for five years in a row. Not to mention the fact that she’s very pretty and, as Wynonna has less that eloquently pointed out, has assets in other areas too. Nicole would be lying if she said that she didn’t used to have a little bit of a crush on Rosita during their fourth year, and she can certainly see why Wynonna is feeling threatened by Doc’s newfound friendship with the girl.

That doesn’t mean that she can justify Wynonna’s annoyance.

“So let me get this straight?” Nicole says to Wynonna, well aware that she’s venturing into dangerous territory by giving Wynonna a harsh dose of the truth. “You’re mad because after stringing not one but two guys along for the best part of two years, they’ve both decided it’s not worth it and are showing an interest in other girls?”

As predicted, Wynonna scowls at Nicole and retorts, “Ouch, Haught. Why have you got to shame me like this?” Wynonna lets out a dramatic sigh and falls back against the seats again, crossing one leg over the other as she says, “Life would be so much easier if I were a lesbian. You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with men.”

Nicole almost lets out a snort at Wynonna’s words. She’s well aware that Wynonna doesn’t have any nasty intentions with what she’s said, but it’s the fact that she hasn’t stopped to think just how her words could be perceived that hurts Nicole more than what she actually says.

Next to Nicole, Waverly lets out an indignant little huff and folds her arms, and Nicole feels a rush of affection for the way that Waverly must have picked up on what Wynonna failed to think about.

“I mean, the homophobia is a bitch,” Nicole reminds Wynonna, her voice laced with ire, “the dating options are non-existent, and it comes with a side order of anxiety and internalised self-hatred that can take years to overcome, but yeah, at least I don’t have to deal with men. Oh, except that I do because sometimes even being out and proud isn’t enough to stop them from being entitled jerks.”

Wynonna’s face falls and she has the decency to look genuinely guilty as she apologises.

“Shit, Nicole. I didn’t think. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Feel free to hex me into next year for making that dick comment.”

Nicole nods and shoots Wynonna a soft smile to let her know that the apology is accepted and that there’s no animosity between them, while Waverly leans across the gap between their seats and rests a hand on Wynonna’s knee.

“Wynonna,” Waverly says to her sister, “Doc and Dolls are both fundamentally good-hearted guys. I know it must suck to feel like you have to choose between them, but you need to stop messing them about or you’ll lose both of them for good.”

Wynonna tucks both hands behind her head and closes her eyes, trying to mask her feelings with indifference, but the slight tremor in her voice as she speaks gives away her disappointment as she reluctantly admits, “I think it might already be too late.”

The compartment falls silent for a few long seconds as the three girls contemplate Wynonna’s predicament, before it is broken by Jeremy, who has apparently not been listening to a single word that has been spoken in the last few minutes. He glances around at the three of them, eyes wide and face thrumming with excitement, his right hand held up slightly in front of him as he looks at it in awe.

“I can’t believe Doc freaking Holliday shook my hand!”

Waverly wants to talk to Nicole about this kiss that they shared but she doesn’t know how to. Well, what she actually wants is to kiss Nicole again and again and again until she’s deliriously drunk on the taste of Nicole’s lips, but she recognises that they need to talk before that can happen. The problem is that starting the conversation with Nicole, the “I kissed you and I like you and I want you to like me back” conversation, is about as appealing as the prospect of throwing herself off the top of the Astronomy Tower.

Waverly thinks that she’s already made her stance on the situation pretty clear. She doesn’t go around just kissing anybody and Nicole knows that, and Waverly is sure that Nicole is more than clever enough to figure out that Waverly would only do that because she has feelings for Nicole. The next call is Nicole’s to make and so Waverly stays quiet and waits for it.

One day turns into two, which turns into three, and then a whole week has passed and they still haven’t talked about it. And it seems weird to bring it up after a week of not doing so and then Waverly’s mind tricks her into thinking that perhaps it would be a better idea to just forget about it completely, and what if that’s Nicole plan all along, to just not mention it and hope that Waverly has forgotten about it too, and sweet mother of Merlin, Waverly hates trying to second guess both herself and Nicole!

When did relationships become so freaking difficult?

Oh, that’s right. When Waverly stopped dating Champ the worthless douchebag and started pursuing somebody that she actually has terrifyingly genuine feelings for. That’s when.

Waverly tries to talk to Nicole about the kiss. At least, that’s what she tells herself each time she finds herself with a brief moment of alone time with the Hufflepuff and the opportunity to finally talk, spending minutes hyping herself up, only to chicken out at the last minute with an internal promise of next time.

Yet each ‘next time’ is exactly the same as the one before, and so the situation remains unresolved.

And with Hufflepuff’s next Quidditch match rapidly approaching, meaning that every spare minute that Nicole has is spent out on the Quiditch pitch training with her team, the ‘next time’ moments become fewer and farther between until Waverly reaches the hopeless realisation that maybe they actually aren’t going to have this conversation at all. Maybe that kiss is destined to fall forgotten, collecting dust like the underused books on the library shelves it took place amongst.

It’s been nearly two years since Waverly last attended a Hogwarts Quidditch match, but on Saturday morning she finds herself making her way down to the stadium with the rest of the student body to watch Nicole’s team take on Slytherin.

The January winds are icy and Waverly firmly believes that nobody should have to go outside in such weather, let alone be forced to endure what could end up being hours sitting outside watching sport, but Waverly made a promise to Nicole and she’s not going to break it again, not when Nicole looked so excited at the prospect of Waverly being in the crowd.

Besides, as well as her thick cloak, gloves, and earmuffs, Waverly is wrapped up in a yellow and black Hufflepuff scarf borrowed from Nicole, and the fact that the scent of vanilla dipped-donuts – the scent of Nicole – still clings to the wool, somehow warms Waverly up against the almost arctic conditions in the Quidditch stadium.

Though she doesn’t share the enthusiasm for the sport that the rest of the crowd seems to have, Waverly claps as the two teams walk out onto the pitch, cupping her hands around her mouth to amplifiy her cheers as the commentator announces Nicole’s name whilst reading out the list of players for each team.

And then, before she knows it, all fourteen players are soaring into the air as the referee blows the whistle and releases the balls.

Waverly doesn’t pay much attention to the game itself. Instead, she is captivated by how at ease Nicole looks on a broomstick. Her canary yellow robes billow out behind her as she expertly steers her broom back and forth in front of the three towering hoops she’s been tasked to defend.

Nicole gets her first touch of the Quaffle a couple of minutes into the game, speeding into its path as one of the Slytherin Chasers tries to send it past her through the right hand hoop, catching the red ball nimbly between her fingertips and then sending it soaring through the air to one of her teammates as Hufflepuff make a counterattack.

Waverly cheers along with the Hufflepuff crowd as Nicole makes her expert save, and it registers in the back of her mind that if she’d known Nicole played Quidditch sooner, she probably wouldn’t have stopped coming to Quidditch games in her third year. Waverly decides that’s she’s really missed out by not watching Nicole play before. Nicole is an elegant flyer, but it’s not just that. There’s a passion that comes through in the way that she plays, an effortless interaction with the other players on her team that can only have come from the hours upon hours that Waverly knows Nicole has spent at training, and not even a hint of the brash conceitedness that Waverly has come to mentally associate with Quidditch players.

“She must be quite some friend if she’s got you coming to a Quidditch game,” Jeremy mumbles from beside Waverly. When she turns to look at him, there’s a knowing smile on his face, and Waverly wonders whether Jeremy’s super intellect extends to being able to tell that Nicole is so very much more than just ‘some friend’ to Waverly.

“I have a confession,” admits Waverly, as the secret that has been gnawing at her for weeks begs to be shared, “but you have to absolutely promise not to tell anybody else.”

“I swear,” nods Jeremy, clenching his hand into a fist and holding it to his chest above where his heart is. “Anything you tell me stays between us.”

Waverly glances around to check that nobody is eavesdropping, but they are all too busy paying attention to the game, where Hufflepuff have just sent the Quaffle flying past the Slytherin keeper and through the central hoop.

“I kissed Nicole,” she admits, her pounding heart settling in her chest as she finally says the three words that have been troubling her mind for weeks out loud. “It was before Christmas. I kissed her and she kissed me back and…”

“Nicole Haught?” Jeremy asks, gesturing to the figure in yellow robes hovering in front of the hoops at the end of the pitch closest to them, as if there could be another Nicole that Waverly is referring to.

When Waverly nods, Jeremy throws his arms around her without warning and wraps her in a tight hug.

“What’s this for?” she asks him breathlessly, the air in her lungs squeezed out by the force of his hug.

“It’s a solidarity hug,” Jeremy tells her as he pulls away. With a grin, he explains, “Us gays have to stick together. Wait, you are…?”

Jeremy trails off and the grin disappears, replaced with an expression of doubt as he waits for Waverly to confirm her sexuality for him.

“I think so,” Waverly nervously admits. “Well, I don’t know what I am, but I’m definitely something.”

After weeks of self-doubt, it feels like a weight has been lifted off Waverly as she finally unburdens what has been playing on her mind. And it feels so good that Waverly wonders why she didn’t tell anybody sooner.

“Labels are for food,” Jeremy shrugs, dismissing the thought with a wave of his hand. “I’m so happy for you though. You and Nicole make such a cute couple.” He pauses for thought, then says triumphantly, “Wayhaught!”

“What?” Waverly asks, frowning in confusion at the nonsense word that Jeremy has just blurted out.

“It’s your couple name,” Jeremy explains, as if it is supposed to be obvious. “Half your name and half hers. Like Jeriday – that’s my name for me and Doc Holliday. Entirely hypothetical, of course, but can you blame a guy for dreaming?”

“Nicole and I aren’t…” Waverly trails off with a sigh as she tries to collect her thoughts, something which is much easier said than done now that she has the idea of her and Nicole as a couple planted in her mind, her brain swelling with blissful imaginings of what it would be like to just be with Nicole, to walk around the castle hand in hand and not have to worry about what anybody else thinks or says about them. It makes her sad that it isn’t a reality. “Listen, I like her a lot, but I don’t think she likes me back. Not like that.”

“Has she said as much to you?” Jeremy arches an eyebrow at Waverly.

There’s a cheer from the crowd at the other end of the stadium, and Waverly glances up at the match she’d almost forgotten was taking place around them to see that Nicole has just let in her first goal of the game, making the score thirty points to ten in Hufflepuff’s favour. Nicole handles the loss well, barking an instruction out to her teammates before shooting the Quaffle off in a long throw to an unmarked Chaser, exactly as she would have done if she had saved the goal.

Turning her attention back to Jeremy, Waverly nibbles anxiously at her lower lips as she answers his question.

“No,” she admits. “But she hasn’t said anything about it at all. I think she’s trying to forget that it ever happened.”

“Okay, here’s my next question,” Jeremy says thoughtfully. He leans in a little closer, then raises his eyebrows as he asks, “Have you said anything about the kiss to her?”

“No…”

“And are you trying to forget it ever happened?” Jeremy presses on, and Waverly can tell both that he already knows the answer and exactly what point he is going to make next.

“Of course not!”

“And that’s my point,” Jeremy tells her knowledgably. “She’s probably feeling exactly the same, waiting for you to bring it up. Think about it – she’s openly gay and there have already been rumours about her having feelings for you. Your sexuality is a mystery to her, other than the fact that you kissed her once and then didn’t mention it for weeks. She’s probably worried about feeling like she’s trying to force herself onto you.”

Waverly hates to admit that Jeremy is right but he is. And maybe, just maybe, if Waverly had realised this sooner, she could have saved herself two weeks of anguish.

A plan is already formulating in Waverly’s mind, a plan where she finds Nicole after the game to either congratulate or commiserate her, before just saying fuck it and confessing how she feels to Nicole. The risk of doing so is that things will become weird and that she could lose Nicole as a friend, but knowing Nicole as well as she does, Waverly also knows that Nicole will do all that she can to not let that become a reality. But the reward, Waverly realises as she glances up at Nicole again and falls a little bit more for the Hufflepuff Keeper, could be the best thing to ever happen to her.

“I’ll talk to her,” Waverly relays her thoughts to Jeremy. “Tonight. I’ll do it after the…”

Jeremy’s hand clasping around Waverly’s wrist, his other arm extended in front him as he points at the Quidditch field, is enough to cut Waverly off mid-sentence and she turns to look at the game unfolding before them.

“Oh my…”

“And it looks as though Slytherin Seeker Willa Earp has spotted the golden snitch!” the commentator announces through his megaphone. “She’s diving from what must be a hundred and twenty feet, and the Hufflepuff Seeker is hot on her tail!”

Waverly watches, her eyes wide, as the green blur that is Willa speeds through the air. The entire crowd falls silent, on tenterhooks as they wait to see whether the capture of the snitch will signal the conclusion of this match after barely fifteen minutes of gameplay.

Despite the excitement of the two Seekers racing each other to the snitch, the rest of the game continues around them. An attack by the Slytherin Chasers sends the Quaffle flying towards the hoops at Nicole’s end of the pitch and she speeds to her left to stop it, catching it deftly in one hand, while oblivious to the other threat hurtling towards her from above.

Waverly realises what’s going to happen a split second before it does and her heart stops in her chest, frozen in time. Nicole’s perfect save has thrown her right into the path of the two oncoming Seekers and there’s nothing anybody can do to stop the imminent collision. It seems to happen in slow motion, but when Waverly opens her mouth to scream out a warning to Nicole, no noise leaves her mouth.

Willa pulls away at the last minute, the tail end of her broomstick just clipping Nicole as Willa swoops out of the way and begins another lazy lap of the pitch, no sign of the golden snitch anywhere to be found.

The Hufflepuff Seeker is not so lucky. Believing Willa to be chasing the tiny golden ball that could make or break the match, he is less aware of his surroundings and where Willa swerves to avoid Nicole, he doesn’t notice her until it is too late. There is a sickening crunch as he collides with Nicole, followed by a unified groan from the crowd, and both players tumble from their broomsticks in a messy tangle of yellow robes.

This time, when Waverly screams Nicole’s name, it seems to reverberate throughout the entire stadium.

#wayhaught #wayhaught fanfic #waverly earp #nicole haught #wayhaught fic #hogwarts au #wayhaught hogwarts

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