#and tbh I'm probably just feeling emotionally flat and unenthusiastic because I've just observed that most holy of holidays

[petiolata]

Finished with the current active WIP 😴the rough draft ended up being 12.2k. So about what I expected. Took 5 days to write it.

Will probably takes 5 months to edit it lol. It wouldn't surprise me if it ends up being 20k in the end. I write lean (action and dialogue) and tend to flesh everything out in the editing process.

IDK why I wrote it tbh, idc if anyone reads it. Like yes it was fun to write but that's over now, and it's not the kind of fic I'll want to reread. It's not bad writing. I wouldn't post something I thought/knew was bad. I've ran this kind of story of mine by betas before and they confirmed the stories were...fine.

And I've seen other people write and post these kinds of stories. Stories that are...fine. That are competently written. That you can pass time with well enough. But they lack a certain specialness. A certain emotional punch. Maybe it's an issue of stakes or not enough interpersonal relationship drama. Regardless. My enjoyment of the story is over. All that's left is lots of work and no reward.

My main motive in cleaning it up and posting it is...I'm sick of all these raw ugly rough drafts piling up like mountains of trash. It feels too self-indulgent? pointless? selfish? to do only the fun part (writing) and then skip out on the hard work and the parts I don't like.

I should probably make a spreadsheet of all my finished rough draft fics and try to systematically work my way through them and get them all cleaned up and posted. But that kind of organizing is a problem for another day.