#and the arcs of bodily autonomy and ownership

[lunarrolls]

one of the things that really stood out to me in starstruck was how selfish skip’s motivation is, especially at first. having been introduced to norm first, a grade a asshole, skip’s own selfishness seems more subtle because it’s not outwardly directed at the party, but it’s definitely still there. it stuck with me the whole campaign so i’m just gonna write a post about it don’t mind me:

the information skip had when leaving his family and his home was that the emhatchening would doom his people if he didn’t participate. he was essentially presented with a choice that would kill every single cerebro slug or would kill him, and he chose to strike out on his own and explore the galaxy because, in his own words, he “didn’t want to do” the emhatchening. that, with the information he had, is a really selfish choice. we find out later that prilbus lied about the nature of the emhatchening, and skip figures this out, but throughout the early season, skip is still motivated by self-preservation.

he hides (or tries to, anyway) among the crew. he suppresses norman, taking objectively awful care of a body that’s not his. he runs from both his and norman’s past, killing the chamberlain instantly when he gets too close and killing other enemies without remorse. when given the chance to look back and “save” his people, to say that he’s explored enough, he violently rejects it because he likes the life he’s found. it straight up does not matter to him that his people may die. it was a happy accident that his father was a bigger shithead than he anticipated.

but what really fascinates me is the fact that, when prilbus catches up to him, he narrows in on what exactly matters to skip: his crew. his friends. his father looks directly at a character who had basically only acted in self-interest the entire season and calls him his “selfless, heroic little son,” and threatens not to kill him but to kill all of his friends and make him watch if he didn’t sacrifice himself for his father’s stupid-ass plan. part of this is because he needs skip to die in a specific way, but even prior to this, gnosis itself calls the crew selfless, which skip immediately objects to, saying “my entire species wants me to do one thing, and i don’t want to do it.”

skip thinks of what he’s doing as a selfish act. something objectionable he’s doing for no discernible reason. the fact that both gnosis and his father him differently is incredibly interesting to me. his people are asking him to do one thing, but is it really selfish to run if the one thing they’re asking him to do is die?

(and it’s also worth noting here that, when skip reveals he doesn’t share his peoples’ goal, sid is the first to immediately tell him his autonomy matters. a sentient being whose self worth was literally defined by her market appeal who just realized she could be her own person tells this runaway prince that he can do anything he wants to. it’s his right. to the gunner channel, freedom and choice are everything.)

over the course of the series, it’s shown that a lot of skip’s perceived selfishness is a learned trait. he was raised to take what he wanted and put himself above all others. he was taught that the host to a slug is weak and disposable, so that’s how he treated norman. he had to fight for anything he wanted, but slowly, as the gunner channel accept him, he actually starts to display a unique brand of kindness. he starts trying to talk to norman, to comfort him and apologize for what he thinks is the only way he can survive. he doesn’t attack the junkmother, even though it would be better to get the jump on her from a preservation standpoint, because sid befriends her. he lets himself, in his actual, vulnerable body be led literally blind through a prison because he’s the only hope they have of being freed.

ending the series with him and norman finding an alternate route to co-existence is a great way to visualize this arc. skip doesn’t have to dominate. he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, and he still chooses to share with norm, because he doesn’t want to dominate. he just wants to live. and wanting to live doesn’t make him an irredeemable person. it’s a selfish choice, to put yourself above the wishes of the many, but it’s not a wrong choice. skip lives because he wants to, and that’s his right.

[captain-huggy-bear-interacts]

Gosh I love Astarion's story and his romance. The idea of him reclaiming ownership of his body and of sex and it not having to be a performative act or something he has to do all the time because someone else wants it and being something he chooses to do because he cares about someone and wants to rather than because he feels it is something he has to do for various reasons. I love that we have this character who comes across so sexual and yet actually, has an arc that sees him finally having bodily autonomy and using it and utilising it.

Apparently people have complained about the fade to black in the scene after his quest if you convince him he's better than Cazador, the graveyard scene. Apparently, 'dark Astarion' scene is not a fade to black. But I had no problems with it. It's very symbolic of sex no longer being performative for him and I think, a character like Astarion actually benefits from that. You can write all the smut you want with him in your free time, but the reality is that it fits with his character arc, it makes sense for him to move away from performative sexual acts in the view of the audience, under a gaze, and move towards private acts which are wanted by him and which reflect his feelings towards the MC. I mean that whole entire scene is him talking about how he doesn't really know who he was or who he is and how he wants to move forward and grow.

Astarion can be sexy and hot and also not simply a sexual object for your MC and you to gawk at. I like the depth to him, I adored his story of taking ownership of his body. I adore that he loves the MC because they are kind to him and respect his boundaries and give him choice. I love him and I love him growing and discovering himself and taking back autonomy and I think if you care about a character and their arc and if your MC cares about that character then that character saying 'hey, I actually don't want to just have sex with you', shouldn't be something you whine and complain about, you should feel a sense of respect towards that. I think a sexy vampire actually caring more about you than sex or your blood is actually a great take for once, vampires are so symbolic of a lack of control, of uncontrollable lust and thirst and whims. So to see him have that sense of self and also sense of control about him is actually refreshing. He is in control, and he is learning what he wants and what he deserves.

Idk, I just really love his story and I fell so head over heels for the sassy vampire spawn and how he actually really cares and is deeply scared of so many things. I adore him and I think we should respect his storyline and enjoy it because how many times do we actually get a storyline like that?

[curiosity-killed]

wei wuxian’s body

bc @veliseraptor reminded me

wwx + bodily autonomy, a potentially incoherent jumping-off from this post

this is v hastily written bc i’m literally leaning across an open WIP on my art laptop to write it but it’ll languish in the annals of Things I Meant to Write But Forgot About alongside that other wwx thots™ post i drafted and then abandoned

this also may be less based in canon than HCs but i will contemplate that when/if objections are raised in the notes bc again im trying to do this quickly so i can draw sad sad wangxian

edit: just forewarning this is a very limited read atm without much consideration for other cultural and environmental influences that might impact this so apologies for those limitations. this is, again, a very hasty pile of Thots™

a brief thesis: wwx has never felt that his body is his own

summary of evidence: lack of bodily security as a child on the streets -> perceived debts to yunmeng jiang -> burial mounds -> death -> resurrection

1) childhood

basically, as a kid on the streets, wwx couldn’t take for granted the security and wholeness of his body at any given point; his constant foraging for scraps of food, fighting dogs, etc., p much demolishes the sanctity of his body and makes his physical security extremely conditional

2) debts to yunmeng jiang

thanks to the jiang clan, he is provided with physical security and is able to grow up nurtured and safe. however even here, it is made clear that this is not a condition-less state. he’s reminded he’s the son of a servant elevated above the position he “should” have, he’s disciplined via harsh(ish — depends on your reading of canon/personal headcanons a bit here) physical means, etc.

this is obv most exemplified by the golden core transfer (“that is what I owed Jiang clan” isn’t, i don’t think, at all insincere) but it’s also apparent in things like accepting a physical beating from Zidian, a high-powered spiritual weapon, and resigning himself to having his sword hand cut off if it means the Wen will leave Lotus Pier alone, etc. also madam yu/jiang fengmian ordering him to protect jiang cheng and jiang yanli (i’d pull the direct quotes but again! speed.)

2a) xuanwu cave

here we have, obviously, his diving in to take the branding iron for mianmian but i also think an argument could be made for his staying behind in the cave as being partially due to this. like is it partially just how the pieces fall? sure. but i also think that all things being equal, he would still shove jiang cheng out of the cave and stay behind bc jiang cheng’s life is worth more than his in his view

3) burial mounds

aight this one takes more of a dive into headcanon territory since i insist on slightly-left-of-human!wwx BUT in an effort to keep it canon: esp in novel canon, wwx essentially sacrifices his body again through demonic cultivation given the deterioration of his mind/body/heart thru using resentful energy/stygian tiger seal

3a) empathy

this one is a bit more of a fudge, but basically: empathy requires the user to give over their body/control of the situation to see the other person/spirit’s memories and is indicated to be fairly high risk. who’s noted for being good @ empathy and constantly willing to do it? same guy who’s never believed he has a right to his own body in the first place

4) death

a. novel-verse, he sacrifices himself to destroy the seal in an effort to prevent it getting in the wrong hands/stop the y’know disaster happening

b. CQL-verse, he kills himself to...well, depending on your reading, either make up for the death(s) he’s caused, accept defeat, remove a living pain from the lives of the people he caused, just end it already bc it’s not worth it

but in any case, there’s a level of sacrificing his body/physical life there

5) resurrection

again this varies a lil between CQL and the others and is at its most extreme when he’s resurrected into mo xuanyu’s body, seeing as that is literally not his body and thus carries a bunch of weird consent things

but in either case, he was dragged back to life (apparently at least somewhat against his will — “I wish I were still dead” or smth along those lines in ep 1) and given a body that isn’t his original (i’m still hung up on the fucking mole. what the FUCK) body and isn’t something he asked for and immediately set on a quest that he, again, is pushed into and during which he’ll repeatedly put his body on the line as a sacrifice

conclusion

sorry if this is super incoherent and doesn’t make sense to anyone but me! this is basically a semi-fleshed out but still p skeletal speed reading of my thoughts on the whole thing and, again, done quickly bc i have art to get to

but basically i think the bottom line for me is that wwx’s self sacrificial tendencies come from a confluence of arrogance, sense of obligation/duty, lack of self-worth, and ingrained lack of ownership of his body and i think a major part of any arc post-canon (regardless of which body he’s got) somewhat requires him learning his body as his own and as deserving of protection/preservation

uh

i still don’t know if any of this makes sense LMAO

[phynali]

Dean’s Body as a Punching Bag

Ever since I made this post about Sam and (his lack of) bodily autonomy (as well as the follow-up post that carries the theme through the other 10 seasons), I’ve been trying to determine what the corollary for Dean is. Re-watching 5x01 made it jump out at me in a huge way:

The bodies of the people that Dean loves are consistently used in a way that hurts/harms Dean and metes out violence against him. And it is specifically his loved ones’ bodies themselves, not shapeshifters or lookalikes or Leviathan either. It is the people he loves’ hands and fists and weapons.

(I need a snappier way to word that, but bear with me).

Where Sam’s bodily autonomy violations occur before he’s born, and are seen as early as the pilot with Azazel in his room and with the Woman in White, Dean’s analogous theme doesn’t sneak in until the mid-season finale with Asylum.

In this episode, Sam gets infected with a sort of ghost-possession/ghost-sickness (another example of a violation of his bodily autonomy) and his internal anger becomes external, focused on Dean. Sam attacks Dean violently, and Dean goes so far as to hand over a (thankfully unloaded) gun and in this altered state, Sam actually tries to shoot him. 

Ouch. The person Dean loves and most wants to protect had his body violated and used against Dean. This theme is going to carry us through the next, eh, 10 or so seasons, with some tail-end examples even after that. 

In Season 1 we have Asylum mid-season, and we have the finale in which John is possessed by Azazel and hurts Dean most grievously, almost kills him. In Season 2, Sam is possessed by Meg and shoots Dean (in the arm). In Season 3, we had a writers’ strike and a season cut short so I can’t think of any examples there (but lots of other shit to unpack for another day).

The in Season 4, we have Sex and Violence, which is super interesting. While Dean is the one targeted by the siren and therefore the one whose body is used against his brother to hurt him, the actual violence doesn’t start until Sam is also infected. Sam’s body is violated by being held at knifepoint by his brother and his mouth forced open to accept the siren’s venom, but then it’s a fist-fight, a showdown. Both brothers’ bodies being used to hurt the other, but getting to that point required Sam’s body to similarly be ready to be used against Dean.

Season 5 is literally bookended by instances of this happening. First, true to the idea that Dean sees Bobby as family, Bobby becomes possessed by a demon and he violently attacks Dean. And then Swan Song, most famous example by a huge margin, Sam is possessed by Lucifer and is fist-fighting Dean, destroying his face and killing him with his fists, and it is his overwhelming love for Dean that allows him to overcome this possession and save the world.

The theme is carried forward for a few more seasons, pretty much until that narrative turning point in Season 10 that I mentioned in my post about Sam. In Season 6, soulless!Sam allows Dean to be hurt by a monster, harming him by proxy. In season 7, Sam is hallucinating and almost shoots Dean. In season 8, Cass is programmed by Naomi to kill Dean, and in the episode Goodbye Stranger beats him to a pulp before overcoming this programming. In season 9, when Gadreel reveals himself and takes over Sam’s body and kills Kevin, he also attacks Dean. 

Skipping Season 10 for a hot sec (more on that below), Lucifer also later possesses Cass in Season 11 and harms both Sam and Dean. In Season 12, we get brainwashed Mary attacking her sons (and overcoming possession thanks to Dean). And possibly examples from S13-15 that I’m missing (Garth being affected by Michael? Cass being affected by Rowena’s spell? Both Sam and Dean were affected by the Witch from Wizard of Oz, right? I honestly can’t recall the late seasons near so well). But regardless we see the theme play out in the final 5 seasons, just less and a bit different than it had prior. 

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Now, let’s unpack the S10 shift a bit, and why it changes things for this theme of Dean’s.

In S9, Dean takes on the Mark of Cain under the weight of guilt and self-loathing from having violated Sam’s bodily autonomy by tricking him into being possessed by an angel (and forcibly having him possessed by a demon to then fix that angelic possession). In this instance, Dean is willfully taking on something that alters his own body, and the narrative between he and Sam is flipped. Now Dean is the one with something ‘evil’ marring his body and impacting it outside his control, and now Sam is the one who is ignoring Dean’s protests and autonomy in order to save him from this thing, consequences be damned.

That 2.5 season role-reversal arc was huge for how it changed Sam’s storyline for the final 5 seasons, and similarly huge for how it impacts Dean’s.

Dean is now the one whose body is being used as a weapon against those he loves most, and he is the one suffering that loss of autonomy and control over himself. He is sick with bloodlust, is turned into a demon, is drawn to the First Blade, and is not in full control of himself. When the Darkness is unleashed and Dean suffers the emotional consequences of feeling tied to and drawn to this monster (woman? celestial being? godlike person?) against his will. 

The Mark/Darkness narrative shows us that Dean’s body might belong to him, but it too can be corrupted against his will. Dean learns that he won’t always be able to choose, learns what it means not to have control over his own body. That while he puts his family as his duty above all else, while he would sacrifice literally everything (his body, his soul, the entire universe) for his little brother, the opposite might also be true, even if Dean doesn’t want it to be. 

(And I said elsewhere that I fundamentally believe this narrative role-reversal was a consequence of him overstepping his ownership over Sam by tricking him into taking Gadreel. Their positions are swapped because they have to be, because narratively it becomes necessary for Dean to know what this loss of autonomy feels like, and for Sam to override his brother’s choices, or else they may never find a sense of equilibrium again).

By the time this Mark/Darkness narrative wraps up, Dean is fundamentally, irrevocably changed. Where in Season 5 it was completely unthinkable that he would agree to be a vessel for Michael, it is in the finale of Season 13, just two seasons after the Darkness storyline wraps up, that we see him take Michael into himself as a snap, in-the-moment decision. What was previously unthinkable is now canon. 

Because Dean is now different. Because his core of protecting Sam is the same, but his theme of how others' bodies are used against him has now upended itself, and he now has had his body used against others.

In my post about Sam, I said that in the end for the final seasons, the narrative has shifted from Dean owning Sam’s body to Sam also owning his own, and them acknowledging that they are in this together as a result of Season 10. I believe that happens with Dean as well, owing to this reversal. Sam has now taken some ownership over Dean’s body by getting rid of the Mark, and Dean has relinquished some of his tight-fisted control over himself. 

So Sam is sharing ownership over his body with Dean (in the vein of “I can’t pretend you won’t do whatever you can to keep me alive, even if I don’t want it, but we’re in this together” and “if we die we do that together too”), and Dean is also sharing ownership over his body with Sam (in the vein of “I’m no longer convinced you’re going to abandon me, so the things that I will do to keep you by my side will be met equal between us” and “when it comes to keeping you safe, it’s my autonomy I will give up first, not yours”). 

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But what does this particular form of bodily-violence-from-family say about Dean from a thematic standpoint?

In my post about Sam, I talked about how the themes of possession (ghost and demon) and demon blood are inherently about bodily autonomy and free will. 

For Dean, thinking through this theme of his loved ones being used to hurt him, I’m torn trying to find the way to word it, but I feel that it has to do with his themes of self-effacement as love, as protection and duty. It’s about being willing to suffer anything (even to the point of death) to protect his family, the ones he loves most. Family is the end-all-be-all to Dean, and protecting his family (most especially his little brother) is the core and heart of his character. It is a duty and a responsibility and a calling and a purpose. 

To remix a quote from the film Legend, Dean’s devotion to his brother (and to a lesser extent, to everyone else he calls family) is how he measures himself. There’s no single word for it, as it’s a mix of protection as love, as an instinct, but also as a fundamental duty, an identity. His internal compass.

So Dean’s narrative invokes free will in a very different way than Sam’s. Dean always had and has free will. He had the will to sell his soul, the will to refuse Michael. He has autonomy over his body and he has choice, so much so that he makes choices over and over for Sam. Instead, Dean’s struggles with autonomy of self as related to his constant effacement (to the point of complete ego-destruction and physical loss of self) for the people he loves. He will die, sell his soul, let himself be beat to a pulp, and anything more that the situation calls for, so long as it means protecting or not harming his loved ones.

The original Swan Song end is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, in the style of Greek tragedy. Sam’s struggle for autonomy, and the moment he claims that autonomy for himself, he falls into the Pit for eternity. Dean’s original intended Swan Song ending is analogous: a struggle to exist as more than his duty to his family, and right after he accepts that Sam is allowed to choose Lucifer and death for himself while Dean may continue on living, he then chooses to fall into the Pit after his brother so they could be together (in Hell, in the Cage) eternally.

Both of them have these absolute tragic flaws and in the first Kripke-era arc, tragic sacrificial ends. Sam’s relating to will and autonomy, Dean’s relating to love, family and protection/duty. Both of them belonging to themselves and to each other.

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A few extra things about this theme worth noting:

1. the people who love Dean are always in an altered state when they harm him, whether it be possession, brain-washing, siren venom, soulless, etc etc, which I think goes to show in some ways how this love as a given to people who will never deliberately harm him.

2. in a huge proportion of these instances, Dean is saved by the person who loves him reclaiming themselves over and above their altered state. John overcomes Azazel’s possession (arguably, I would say, deliberately from Azazel, but let’s not quibble). Bobby stabs himself in the stomach to save Dean. Cass overcomes Naomi’s brainwashing. Sam overcomes the literal Devil possessing him. Mary overcomes some brainwashing (I think?). Etc. So Dean's love as sacrifice is rewarded?

3. Sam’s body is the most frequently used to harm Dean.