#and the dagger soliloquy from macbeth

[eyesoforpheus]

what they dont tell you about adulthood is that you will get home from a long day and your two roommates will turn to look at you mid coloring in the minecraft jesus (ft square stigmata) made out of an amazon box you all taped to a wall the previous night to look like magic earring ken and then say they won't involve you in whatever bit is happening and then they do

[aq2003]

okkkk some jumbled thoughts from my 3rd macbethening, this is a combination of things related to the film version plus just the production in general because i love it so much

i don't think i'll ever stop being floored by the opening scene. the music, macbeth's expressions (the exhausted, haggard way that he moves as the praises for his viciousness on the battlefield ring out behind him)... i'm deranged forever. bonus points this time for the close-ups on his face

the macbeth's embrace when they first reunite is so tender :( the way they hold onto each other :(

thanks to me having the soundtrack on loop i noticed a few interesting things re: the soundtrack. for instance the motif of the psalm first plays when duncan is naming malcolm heir (although much less dark and creepy i think). then it comes in at full force when macbeth is crowned king

it was stated in the traveling folk interview that iomar ò illean mhara was the song played at the irl funeral of duncan, and quite fittingly the first time it plays in the production is when lady macbeth welcomes duncan to inverness. though over the course of the play it definitely becomes lady macbeth's theme and plays over/in between her most pivotal scenes (including before and after the sleepwalking scene and right before her final exit). this makes me think about the parallels between them and how duncan's ghost haunts her (this production keeps the line about him reminding her of her father...!) def need more time to marinate in this

love the bird's eye view of macbeth bowing to duncan (and how it establishes a visual parallel w/ him on the ground before getting crowned, and him being lifted up by the witches)

LOVE how the ceilidh was filmed, it was even more stunning (!) than when i saw it live although that may have been where i was sitting lol

the only parts of the film version i don't think live up to when i watched it live were the "stars hide your fires" scene (i would like to see more of the slo mo clapping!) and the final fight (i think the choreography prob improved when staging it at the harold pinter, it was cleaner and less chaotic having everybody come at macbeth from only two directions)

of course it is stated in the credits that the "child" role is fleance, the macduffs' son, and young siward, but there are a few moments i think are solidly the ghost of the macbeths' child (he's behind the glass the whole time). when he appears over lady macbeth welcoming duncan to inverness, when he's walking along to the ceilidh (and you see him between the macbeths during the time-slow bit), and when he's frantically knocking as the macbeths dance together (after they resolve themselves to murder duncan). in this way i think he serves both as the embodiment of their reason to kill duncan and the embodiment of their guilt

the big, single knock of the ensemble behind the glass before macbeth has his monologue abt how "every noise appalls him".... the hands pressing against the glass when macbeth talks abt how he'll never sleep again..... so delightfully creepy. i love it so much.

i didn't have a good enough angle to see it either time i watched it live but the Look between the macbeths after lady macbeth pretends to "faint" was so good... i think dt's macbeth makes me actually believe that him killing duncan's servants was like this fucked up manifestation of his guilt and "violent love" and he was dissociating badly + didn't know what he was doing. anyway now in this scene he's making himself look insanely guilty so lady macbeth has to take everyone's eyes off of him for a hot second. love how the murder power couple are kind of cringe fail in their own funny way

the very uncomfortable look that the murderers share with each other when macbeth brings up killing fleance. suuuuuch a good touch to that scene

you all know i am a huge fan of the dagger soliloquy cuz it was macbeth grabbing at his own shadow, macbeth as the "dagger", resolving himself to be more a weapon than a man, etc, but also this theme is repeated in his last monologue in 3.2! he talks to his shadow again when he's justifying arranging the murders of banquo and fleance to himself. OOF

in my notebook for one of my points i just wrote "3.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cuz, obviously, david's acting in this scene is just fucking riveting and still gives me full body chills. also, staging note, i love that when he hallucinates the ghost for the second time everyone at the "table" moves away and it's like we're not watching him lose it in the eyes of everyone else we're being fully dunked into his head as he completely unravels

i think i like both the donmar and harold pinter versions of the 2nd witches scene equally! the choreography for the donmar version is a lot cooler and makes the witches feel more otherworldly but the harold pinter version connects it back to the theme of macbeth's trauma and grief and how the witches take root in that

i think it's just the fact i could see her expressions better but i teared up during the sleepwalking scene.. like aughhhhhh cush jumbo you came for my knees!!!!!!!!

the deranged grin on macbeth's face when he disarms macduff and he says "thou losest labor" i am soooo. i am SOOOOOOO. [chews on my arm]

BIG POOL OF BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAHHHHHHHH

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Jason Todd became a theater kid on the day that his English teacher assigned extra credit if they performed one of Macbeth’s soliloquies in front of the class, and after practicing the dagger scene feverishly over the weekend, he received a full round of applause from the class

[ineffably-smote]

Macbeth, David Tennant - A very subjective, spoiler and emotion filled review

Just walking out of seing Macbeth at the Donmar and I have Feelings. Unsurprisingly, I primarily went to see it because David Tennant was in it. I love the play, big fan of Shakespeare but the trip to London was most certainly motivated by a very specific actor. Hence the highly subjective review. Fortunately, I also happen to quite like Macbeth. We studied it at school, and it holds a special place in my heart (back then, Hamlet was my favourite Shakespeare play but honestly, after tonight, I’m not so sure anymore. Anyway, I digress). It was my first time actually seeing an actor I’m a fan of in real life, so obviously the entire time my brain was just going oh my god that’s David Tennant oh my god that’s David Tennant like I actually could not comprehend it. The man I’ve spent hours staring at on a little screen is suddenly real, and right there. So yeah, that took me a hot second.

(Excuse the piss poor image quality, I took this with shaky hands without looking or bothering to focus the cam)

The Staging

Still starstruck and a bit dazed, one thing really really stood out to me: the staging. It was so, so good. I knew it was going to be minimal from the pictures I had seen, and it was, but it was also so insanely real. There were barely any decorations, and half the cast and the musicians were hidden behind a glass screen doing background noises and gestures. From where I was sitting I could not see them much, but could definitely hear them which added to the overall atmosphere. The stage was also really tiny, and the play benefitted incredibly from it. All the action was happening in one tight space that had been put to use incredibly well, particularly the banquet scene but I’ll come back to that because it deserves its own paragraph.

The way they chose to do the soliloquies was so fitting - all the actors start to move in slow motion - everyone else slowing down and just the characters speaking moving was so good, it made sense.

The Headphones

I’m a bit mixed about the headphones. They were amazing for the vibes, we could hear whispers and they really heightened some of the emotional speeches in the play - because when someone is struggling with guilt and trauma it makes sense for them to be mumbling rather than yelling. So that was really great. However, especially in the scenes where the actors where yelling/ loud I preferred to take them off a bit cause it felt more real that way. I’m so used to hearing actors voice on recordings, it does hit different when you can hear them for real. But, as I said, personal preference and that’s what’s nice, you can take them on and off as much as you want.

Famous Speeches

There were three speeches I was quite interested to see how they were going to be adapted - scorpions and dagger for Macbeth, and out damned spot for Lady Macbeth. These are classic, everyone knows the words, the plot but they managed to make it feel real in a new and touching way. I think here the headphones were quite helpful because they allowed the actors to actually whisper parts of those lines. They were so subtle, so embedded in the text they felt so natural which imbued them with all their power. I saw in a review Cush Jumbo’s out damned spot speech be described as “haunting”, and I wholeheartedly agree.

The Macbeths

I didn’t like Macbeth, the character, very much when I first learnt about him. His actions didn’t make sense to me, I couldn’t quite comprehend in my 21st century little brain how he went from I’m super loyal to the King to I will freely murder children for shits and giggles. But now, now I understand. It makes sense, it’s believable. And that’s a mix of the acting choices and teh overall setting. Like the opening scene, instead of presenting Macbeth as a glorious hero, he is presented to us as a traumatised hero. He spends the first few minutes washing the blood of his clothes, haunted by noises from the battlefield. And that sets the themes quite nicely, not ambition, as Tennant specified in an interview, but guilt and trauma. There are so many ways to interpret Shakespeare, that’s the beauty of it, and I think this version of Macbeth just resonated more with me (maybe because ambition I don’t quite understand but guilt I am intimately familiar with? Or maybe because it was David Tennant? I don’t know, probably a bit of both). Tennant delivers a convincing Macbeth. Yes, you can see his ambitions play out, but also his fears, his guilt, and that makes him into a complex three dimensional character that you want to understand.

And I absolutely loved this version of Lady Macbeth. Not just a powerful woman who bullies her husband into become an evil murderer (because again, here we can see traces of that in Macbeth from the start), but an ambition woman in love, with her husband, with power, and not quite healed from the trauma of loosing her child. Again another review said she is more of an enabler than a manipulator and I quite liked that description.

My Favourite Scenes

God the banquet scene. The one with the ghost of Banquo. An absolute masterpiece. I did not expect that scene to hit that hard. It was raw, it was powerful and even if Tennant was facing away from where I was sitting, even without seeing his face I could feel the emotion, the whole audience could. In a video essay on Tennant, @davidtennantgenderenvy highlighted how in almost every role he played, there is it is the classic Tennant breakdown moment, and breakdown moment it was. Not with tears, not as expressive as he sometime is but just enough for a King trying to hold it together but fear and guilt breaking through. I was absolutely overwhelmed and it was beautiful. The set up for the scene was amazing too - there were ceilidh, celebrations, I adored the contrast between these fast pasted scenes and guilt ridden whispers of the couple. And the way everyone sat down around the stage and suddenly it looked like a banquet table ? Just perfect.

Another really cool moment, less on the emotional side but more on the visuals was when Macbeth goes to get the second prophecy from the witches. Almost the whole cast is there, running around, moving, almost dancing and it gives the whole thing a mystical atmosphere. There’s smoke, Macbeth falls, is carried up high Jesus style, cowers, rises, it’s so busy and insane all the while there are whispers and whispers in the headphones - it manages perfectly to feel like a mystical moment.

Descent Into Madness & other cool things

For Macbeth, having the kid running around scene after scene, haunting him, and then scene where he kills him - GOD it’s powerful. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness was so well characterised, I also loved the glass on the background that locked away some of the cast. Just wild. The actor that played Malcom actor was also really cool, and Macduff and Ross, big fan of all of them.

Overall I am overwhelmed with emotions. Tennant is truly one of my favourite actors - from Good Omens to Staged, Jessica Jones, even Harry Potter but also Mad to be Normal, Nativty, There She Goes, Around the World in 80 days, Doctor Who (god I’ve started a list, never start lists cause you’ll forget people) and so, so many more, I was truly beside myself with excitement and expectations for tonight. And it did not disappoint. I do not want to leave the theatre and I pray they release a recording of this because I want it imprinted on my soul.

(Side note: I don’t know how to use tumblr very well, for some reason whenever I try to reply to ppl it posts from my other blog? Anyway @raquel-and-sergio is in fact me)

[vintagepresley]

Title: The Tortured Soul of Macbeth: A Study of Inner Conflict

In the tragedy "Macbeth" by William Shakespeare, the eponymous character Macbeth undergoes a profound inner conflict that encapsulates his tragic fall from valiant soldier to regicidal usurper. This inner turmoil is vividly presented through the metaphor of an imagined dagger in Act 2, Scene 1, where Macbeth deliberates the act of murdering King Duncan. The passage reveals the psychological disturbances that afflict Macbeth and reflects on the broader themes of ambition, guilt, and the supernatural that are rampant throughout the play.

At the heart of Macbeth's conflict is the tussle between his vaulting ambition and his moral compunctions. The soliloquy beginning with "Is this a dagger which I see before me" manifests Macbeth's hallucination, induced by his feverish mind contemplating the heinous act of regicide. The dagger, "a false creation" conjured by his "heat-oppressed brain," serves as a symbol of his murderous intentions and simultaneously, the doubts plaguing him. Shakespeare uses this visual apparition to portray Macbeth's descent into a solipsistic nightmare, where the line between reality and his twisted thoughts becomes increasingly blurred.

The apparition of the dagger not only spurs Macbeth towards his damned path but also mocks his hesitations. As he reaches out to clutch the handle, it eludes his grasp like a mirage, emblematic of how Macbeth's aspirations exceed his grasp of reality. The dagger, which "marshall'st me the way that [he] was going," is a chilling forebearer of the inevitable bloodshed and a poignant representation of Macbeth's internal push towards his doom.

Furthermore, Macbeth's acknowledgment of the "bloody business" infers his acute awareness of the moral weight of his contemplated action and his inability to reconcile it with his ambition. The blood on the dagger, which was not present before, indicates his realization of the consequences that his actions will have, not just on his soul but on the fabric of nature itself. Shakespeare effectively illustrates the unnatural act of regicide through the personification of nature: "Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse / The curtain'd sleep." The inversion of the natural order is a recurring motif in the play, and here, it manifests as external confirmation of Macbeth's internal qualms.

The supernatural elements in Macbeth's monologue also emphasize his inner conflict. References to "witchcraft," "Hecate," and "the wolf" allude to the dark forces at play, mirroring the darkness within Macbeth. These forces encourage his darkest impulses, yet his mention of "pale Hecate's offerings" presents a contrast with his torn conscience, perhaps hinting at a subconscious desire for absolution.

As Macbeth concludes his speech, the transitional phrase "Whiles I threat, he lives:" indicates his vacillation between inaction and action. Each moment Macbeth hesitates, Duncan continues to live, which compounds Macbeth's unease. The ultimate act, portrayed by the metaphor of cold breath giving life to heated deeds, demonstrates Macbeth's recognition of the irreversible step towards self-destruction.

Throughout "Macbeth," Shakespeare weaves a complex tapestry depicting Macbeth's inner turmoil. From the prophetic encounter with the witches in Act 1 to the brutal execution of the deed and the subsequent unraveling of Macbeth's psyche, the theme of inner conflict is unrelenting. His vacillating nature is evidenced in his numerous asides and soliloquies, which reveal his fear, guilt, and feverish imagination — all byproducts of the war raging within his soul.

In conclusion, Shakespeare presents Macbeth's inner conflict with a nuanced understanding of the human psyche. Through eloquent language, powerful imagery, and supernatural undertones, the Bard exposes the deep fissures in Macbeth

[denimbex1986]

'*****

This is the second starry adaptation of Shakespeare’s Scottish play within the month, both boasting high concepts. Simon Godwin’s show premiered in a warehouse with Ralph Fiennes and Indira Varma as the crown-usurping couple. This production is just as celebrity-driven, with David Tennant and Cush Jumbo as its leads. But where Godwin’s show flirted with immersive theatricality, half successfully, Max Webster’s concept combines immersion in sound with a fantastically creepy filmic expressionism.

We channel the sounds of the play through binaural headphones. The use of aural three-dimensionality here, designed by Gareth Fry, is incorporated with live folk music, which brings Celtic sounds while the action takes place on a central stage and glass box behind it.

As fanciful as that sounds, there is an intensely focused vision behind it. Superbly directed by Webster, it is full of wolfish imagination and alarming surprise. The action takes place at under two hours’ traffic yet it is not a classically fevered Macbeth but coolly creepy, and horrifying.

Sound, in Shakespeare’s text, has great disturbing significance. That is made manifest here. The 3D headphones magnify every creak and whimper. We hear the cold clink of metal as Lady Macbeth snatches the daggers with which Macbeth has killed Duncan (Benny Young) to return them to the crime scene.

The witches take the concept a step further and appear in sound rather than form. They are sinister in their absence, invisibly roaming in the vapour and smoke around the stage, present as a sibilant chorus of whispering voices played by the entire cast – an ingenious way to suggest that they represent the ever-present murderous voice in Macbeth’s head. They moan, giggle and flap crow-like in our ears, bringing an uncomfortable intimacy.

The headphones allow Tennant and Jumbo to talk in low conspiratorial tones. Tennant is a wiry, austere, self-righteous warrior who turns his intelligence into calculating outrage. He makes this Shakespearean role look effortless as he murmurs his soliloquies and we hang on his every word. There is steel and cunning to Jumbo’s Lady Macbeth, dressed in virginal white throughout, and a sense of purity remains around her despite her plotting.

Paradoxically, hearing the dialogue through headphones brings intimacy but one reminiscent of film with an augmented Dolby sound, as if these characters are not talking in real time...

The horror and tragedy hit all the marks too, from the killing of Lady Macduff (Rona Morison) and children, taking place in pitch darkness and capturing every sound of their last gasps, to Macduff’s (Noof Ousellam) disbelief at the news and the terrible sense of fate in the final fight scene.

The production is so focused, and so self-assured, that it seems to throw a bizarre meta-fictive curveball, straight after Duncan’s murder in which the Porter (Jatinder Singh Randhawa) breaks out in broad modern Glaswegian vernacular in what seems like his own standup routine. Yet the production has such command that it somehow pulls it off.

It’s a cool, cocky and utterly arresting production. Tennant’s Macbeth is vicious and yet he makes us feel his character’s tragedy acutely.'

[queerasaurus-rexx]

later in the play, hecate herself says basically that.

"And, which is worse, all you have done Hath been but for a wayward son, Spiteful and wrathful, who, as others do, Loves for his own ends, not for you."

'all you have done hath not been but for a wayward son' tells you everything you need to know here. his moves are calculated. he strays willingly. he didn't lose himself in the pursuit of power, he gave himself willingly to it knowing it would consume him. it's a price he pays with little reservation, because power is more important to him than his life, his soul, his morals, his wife, his companions and his men.

because for macbeth, power = control. he likes to be in control of things, even things a man cannot control. and when you have such a desperate need for control, you do start to see 'daggers in men smiles.' because your biggest fear is losing that control. knowing about the witches makes him think he can know, control and circumvent his own fate. banquo knowing about the witches is an unknown variable; he can't control what banquo does with that information. so he has him killed. fleance is an unknown variable because macbeth can't control how much he knows and when he escapes death, macbeth can no longer control his fate. fleance is so far out of reach even the narrative cannot touch him. like the only way to avoid macbeth's desperate need for control is to escape the whole story; donalbain seems to do the same.

at points, macbeth even seems to try to control the audience. the 'tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow' soliloquy can almost be interpreted as macbeth seeming to tell the audience that man cannot control his own fate, sub-textually almost asking them not to blame him for what's happened. he cannot kill the audience, so he must have them on his side, even if it requires lies and manipulation.

he has macduff's wife and son to control macduff's fate; no son means he can kill macduff without worry of a demand for satisfaction when the boy becomes an adult, and killing his wife stops macduff from having another true born son who can claim that satisfaction.

he carries on, not out of guilt, but paranoia.

macbeth goes to battle with malcolm's army knowing that the witches have prophesied that no man of woman born can kill him. he feels like he has control over his fate because how can a man not be born of woman?

and then macduff says he was 'from his mother's womb, untimely ripped'. he was born c-section. a possibility macbeth entirely overlooked because he didn't count on the witches playing silly buggers with the definition of birth.

but even then, he doesn't despair; he continues to battle macduff not because he thinks he can win, but because he has the chance to choose when he dies and goddamn if that's not a control freak's dream.

macbeth really is such a fascinating guy because when he's thinking about doing the murder he actually sits with himself for a second and goes "if i do this, i'm signing over my immortal soul, and i'm probably going to be miserable with guilt" and then he does it and is miserable with guilt. and it makes him very very interesting! because it's not an impulse thing! he knows! so what makes a person make that choice? what amount of personal ambition, what lust for glory, what amount of wifely-pressure-fueled conception-of-masculinity-as-violence can get someone to do that?

because it isn't idiocy. he knows damn well. and none of his asides, none of his elaborate visually-fantastical speeches or deft metaphors, are the words of a blundering dumbass. personally, i think the core of macbeth is exactly what we find out before he ever steps on stage: he's a soldier, and more than that, he;s a killer. and he's extremely good at it. fuck diplomacy--basically every single problem he faces in the play is one he tries to kill his way out of, because it's the only strategy he knows. at some point, i don't even think it's just manhood-as-violence for him; it's personhood-as-violence. in 3.1 he threatens to get into the lists against fate, against the price of his own defiled soul; at the end, he resolves to go down fighting no matter what. as much as people love to joke about macbeth being foolhardy and easily-pressured and not looking more than five minutes into the future--the guy knows. but all he's ever done, all he can do, is fight. he's not a fool. he's a machine.

but also, fascination aside, what the fuck is wrong with him lmfao my guy you KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

[dearest-valentine]

all the macbeth reblogs!!! /pos

my favourite shakespeare play for a reason i have so many emotions about how he goes from “valour’s minion” to “dead butcher”

YES YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSS ITS SO GOOD!!!! i love that too AHHH. and BANQUO!! 🥺😭😭

i think my favourite part is the “is this a dagger before me” soliloquy i just <3333

[fromthemouthofkings]

I feel like there's some neat connections that could be made between the Loki "love is an imaginary dagger" scene and the Macbeth imaginary dagger soliloquy (2.1)

Is this a dagger which I see before me,

The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.

I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.

Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible

To feeling as to sight? or art thou but

A dagger of the mind, a false creation,

Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?

But I'm not sure where to go with it

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #34: William Shakespeare

Welcome back to Fate and Phantasms, where today we’re making the most famous playwright ever in D&D. To no one’s surprise, the eloquent bard is an eloquence bard, abusing creatures’ wisdom saves almost as badly as Petruchio abused Katherina.

As always, there’s a spreadsheet for this build over here, and a level-by-level breakdown below the cut!

Race and Background

Shakespeare is definitely Human, but he’s definitely unusual to count as a Variant. This gives him +1 to Charisma and Wisdom, proficiency in Performance, and the Actor feat. This adds one point to Charisma, advantage on deception and performance checks to act (shocking) as a different person, and listening to someone for 1 minute lets you copy their voice. People listening to you can make an insight check against one of your deception checks to try and figure that out.

Shakespeare’s also a Guild Artisan, giving him proficiency in Insight and Persuasion.

Stats

Put your highest score in Charisma; Shakespeare’s one of the most famous writers in existence, of course this is going to be high. Next is Intelligence: the Bard may have invented some 1,700 words and made Julius Caesar look good, neither of which are small feats. Wisdom is third, you can’t write about the human condition if you don’t know the human condition. Fourth is Constitution, you’re healthy enough to survive a couple all-nighters, at least. Last is Dexterity, followed by Strength. Unlike Shakespearicles, Shakespeare is not known for his physical prowess.

Class Levels

1. The Bard is a Bard, giving him proficiency in Deception to fill out the skills needed to be the face of the party, as well as History and Arcana to gain a wider range of subjects for your plays. You also get proficiency in Dexterity and Charisma saving throws. First level bards learn Spellcasting using charisma as your spellcasting ability, and gain Bardic Inspiration, some d6 you can throw at people who aren’t performing at your expectations which come back on long rests. 

First level bards learn a bunch of spells, and yours include Friends and Charm Person, to help quarrelsome NPC realize their issues are Much Ado About Nothing; Minor Illusion, the first of many illusions; Disguise Self, in case you have to fill a role here or there; Sleep to keep things quiet during intermission; and Comprehend Languages to make sure everyone’s on the same page when you give them stage directions.

2. Second level bards become a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency bonus to checks that don’t otherwise use it. You also learn a Song (Sonnet) of Rest, adding an extra d6 to healing done over short rests. For this level’s spell, grab Heroism to make some protagonists.

3. Shakespeare gains Expertise in two skills of your choice (here they’re Persuasion and Deception), and also graduates from Theros’ prestigious College of Eloquence. Upon graduation, eloquence bards have a Silver Tongue, meaning they can’t roll lower than a 10 on persuasion and deception checks. Combined with the expertise you also just got, your minimum deception roll is now a 17, which is pretty silly at level 3. Maybe if you told Hamlet to kill his uncle he’d listen, instead of dallying for a full play. You also can throw out Unsettling Words, burning a use of inspiration and a bonus action to roll an inspiration die and subtract that from a creature’s next saving throw. This also would have been a great ability for Andersen, but frankly there’s already enough thematic overlap between the two without sharing a subclass.

For your spell, grab Phantasmal Force. That isn’t a dagger they see before them, but it will do a bit of damage. 

4. At fourth level, bards get their first ASI. You’ve written enough about the Seelie court to be Fey Touched, adding 1 to your charisma, as well as giving you a free copy of Misty Step and Command, either of which can be cast for free once per long rest, using charisma as your casting ability. You can then continue casting them with spell slots as normal.

For your other spells, grab Vicious Mockery for what is literally the most offensive spell you’ll get all game, and Enthrall to make sure your audience is paying attention to the fourth soliloquy you jammed into Hamlet.

5. Your Inspiration begins using d8s, and you become a Font of Inspiration, regaining your dice on short rests instead of long ones. For your spell, grab Enemies Abound, turning a well-organized formation into a tragedy waiting to happen.

6. At sixth level, your plays become so enrapturing they become Countercharms, preventing allies from being charmed by people other than you. As an eloquence bard, you also gain the amazing Unfailing Inspiration, meaning if your inspiration die is used and the roll still fails, whoever used it gets to hang onto it. This means your inspiration is now harder to kill than Macbeth, and your party can use inspiration in more daring ways. You also learn Universal Speech, meaning you spend an action to make a number of creatures up to your charisma modifier able to understand you for an hour. It’s one-way, but you’re the one telling them what to do, so that shouldn’t be an issue. You can use this once per long rest, or by burning a spell slot.

For your spell this level, grab Hypnotic Pattern to add some spectacle to your performances.

7. So far your plays have consisted entirely of humanoids. This level’s spell fixes this issue by being Charm Monster, letting you turn any living thing into the star of your show. Or the villain, or even the comic relief-you’re the writer here, not me.

8. Use your next ASI to maximize your Charisma for more inspiration, tougher spell saves, and more people you can make understand you at once. For your spell this level, grab Hallucinatory Terrain to instantly set the stage, as long as your play doesn’t take place in a city. Defeating a lich by making it perform an accurate rendition of Romeo and Juliet would be cool, but we’re not there yet.

9. Your Sonnet of Rest increases to a d8, and you can now Dominate Person, turning one lucky sod into your star performer. Since you’ll basically be taking over a person’s body, the actor feat may come in handy here.

10. At tenth level, your Inspiration dice become d10s and you gain another round of Expertise. This time you’re improving your Performance and History for better and more varied plays. You also learn Magical Secrets, grabbing spells from any class.

Firstly, you learn the Prestidigitation cantrip, because you can’t go wrong with a little stage magic. You also learn to Modify Memory to cover up all that dominating you’re doing and Dream, because nothing’s more Shakespearean than an ominous portent delivered by sleep.

11. Eleventh level bards learn a sixth level spell, and yours is Mass Suggestion. Your plays aren’t just one-person productions, so lets add in some crowd scenes! The spell lasts for 24 hours, so handing out scripts and telling them to literally perform a play isn’t out of the question.

12. You’re not great at not dying, so lets try and fix that as best we can with the remaining ASI. This time, bump up your Dexterity for a better AC.

13. Your Sonnet of Rest becomes a d10, and you learn how to Mislead opponents for dramatic escapes, or if you just want to be mouthy at an enemy without being filled with arrows.

14. You learn another round of Magical Secrets and your plays become so potent they have Infectious Inspiration. When a creature within 60′ of you succeeds on a roll because of your inspiration, you can use your reaction to give another creature (who isn’t you) within 60′ of you inspiration for free. You can make this reaction a number of times equal to your charisma modifier per long rest. To recap: failing a roll doesn’t destroy your inspiration, and succeeding a roll now passes it to someone else.

For your secrets, you can now make a Mental Prison far more literal than in your tragedies. You can also enchant Magic Weapons for other people to use. Fighting things yourself  really isn’t your style.

15. Your inspiration is boosted one last time, now using d12. You also learn your first eighth level spell, Dominate Monster. A hydra sleeping peacefully in a swamp? Passe. The real drama is if it’s attacking a town somewhere. With this spell, you can make that happen.

16. Not much happens at this level, but thanks to an ASI your Dexterity goes up again for hopefully less getting hit!

17. Your Sonnet of Rest finally reaches d12 as well, and you could learn a ninth level spell, but instead we’re going for Mirage Arcane. finally, proper stagework!

18. With your last Magical Secrets you learn Globe (heh heh) of Invulnerability to keep yourself safe when people realize you’re behind that “hydra” thing and Control Weather to set the perfect Dramatic Confrontation conditions.

19. Your final ASI is going towards Constitution for more health and better concentration. You’ll need both if there’s an angry mob after you (there should be an angry mob after you).

20. Your capstone ability is Superior Inspiration, giving you even more inspiration to use if you start a fight without any.

Pros: You have very good face skills, and they become very good early on. By the time you’re level 20, you literally can’t roll below a 27 when persuading or deceiving people. Your inspiration also lasts you a long time, and can be used to destroy an enemy’s saving throw against your spells.

Cons: Most of your spells require concentration, and you’re not good at that. Fortunately, most of them are best used out of combat, so picking a spell to use shouldn’t be an issue in the heat of things. Your entire kit is stopped by anything immune to charms though, and that includes a lot of higher end enemies. If you end up fighting one of them, you’ll find your damage dealing capabilities really aren’t there, with your best attack being Vicious Mockery.

That’s just par for the course of being Shakespeare, though. At the end of the day, you’re here to cause problems on purpose and then run away from the consequences.

[hypertranslatetournament]

Congratulations to number 54 for making it to the next round!

Now, the identity of Number 51 is…

Act 2 scene 1 soliloquy from Macbeth!

Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but A dagger of the mind, a false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? I see thee yet, in form as palpable As this which now I draw. Thou marshall'st me the way that I was going; And such an instrument I was to use. Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses, Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still, And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood, Which was not so before. There's no such thing: It is the bloody business which informs Thus to mine eyes. Now o'er the one halfworld Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse The curtain'd sleep; witchcraft celebrates Pale Hecate's offerings, and wither'd murder, Alarum'd by his sentinel, the wolf, Whose howl's his watch, thus with his stealthy pace. With Tarquin's ravishing strides, towards his design Moves like a ghost. Thou sure and firm-set earth, Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear Thy very stones prate of my whereabout, And take the present horror from the time, Which now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives: Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives. [a bell rings] I go, and it is done; the bell invites me. Hear it not, Duncan; for it is a knell That summons thee to heaven or to hell.

Contestant 51

I saw your nose on you I think I'm interested You can't see you again I get sick and I know that If you see something Spirits are bad Are you famous? See you, see I think it was that I go to work I want to use the device Think with your eyes on one Or it is over; I will always see you Blood and blood Never Veins After his eyes Of course, the environment does not take negative feelings and dreams. Has extensive courage. you are injured Aluminum, cats, bags Look at the rock bag Progress and output Is safe See my way and my worries My place is a precious stone. Last t- It's fine now. The wind is very strong Mold I say my money Computer desk area How to describe hell

Contestant 54

Immediately weak, black, trips, trips, traveling, traveling, trips Reduces my basket on the body. Happy people go to the stone and kill them right away. Light and war are independent and move in the sun and the sun moves to swim. This can cause cancer. Put your head with good bread. Sign up and swim immediately. This can cause cancer. Then he gave the horse and threw the king and the ISO married. Yes they can't see the house. I cried with white horses on the beach. Check or cook old meals and gloves. This group is popular in the city including the sun, branches, feet, jobs, branches, rules, rules, hong.

(Each contestant submission was translated 35 times!)

[aq2003]

ok spoilers for macbeth i guess . incoherent ramblings and immediate thoughts abt it bc i'm crazy

- the opening scene made me gasp and cover my mouth the entire way through. the way it opens w a BANG and macbeth washing his hands of the blood while praises of his prowess on the battlefield ring around him but he just looks so haunted and miserable the whole time sets the tone of the play SO well

- macbeth is Losing his fucking mind. from the START. and this is such genius characterization. he is so unwell. he is so on the edge of something terrible from the very beginning of the play and the pushing from the witches and lady macbeth is the catalyst that tips him over the edge. there are remnants of his consciousness and guilt ringing around in there and when they bubble to the surface it is so heartbreaking bc you know they will be snuffed out as the play goes on

- lady macbeth's humanity. i think this is the most human lady macbeth i've ever seen she is so in the throes of loneliness and grief and she misses her husband and thinks the murder will bring them together but instead it sends macbeth into this awful downwards spiral and the guilt eats her alive. when she says macbeth is "too full of the milk of human kindness" it's a mischaracterization. she doesn't know how much her husband has changed while he's been away fighting the war

- THE DAGGER SOLILOQUY the way it's lit and staged and acted like he's talking to his own shadow and convincing himself to do the murder. this scene was fucking amazing from the balcony the way he crawled around on the ground UGHHHHH IT WAS SO SO GOOD

- david looked right up at me when the crown was put on his head and my heart fully stopped right there

- the "full of scorpions is my mind" line reading deserves every single theater award ever on its OWN i DO NOT CARE GIVE DAVID TENNANT EVERY AWARD EVER

- macbeth taking off the crown to talk to the murderers because his killing spree is driven by macbeth the sharp edged violent soldier and not macbeth the king. like Oh my god

- BANQUET SCENE IM CRAZYYYYYY OH MY GODDDDDD FJCKKKKKKK THE WAYYYYYYYY THEY LIT THIS SCENE TO SWITCH FROM MACBETH'S TERROR AT BANQUO'S GHOST TO THE PERSOECTIVE OF THE THANES !!!! I KNEW DAVID WOULD EAT THIS SCENE UP BUT GOD. MY GODDDDD.

- the second scene w the witches was staged SO good and SO creatively like macbeth hallucinating his peers and friends and family and his son being killed and brought back in some twisted possessed form to tell him the prophecies OUGH

- fleance walking up and down the side of the stage. both macbeth and lady macbeth repeating this motion like they're remembering their son and they're haunted by his ghost . FUCK

- the death scene of lady macduff and her son was so violent i gasped out loud again

- malcolm is so fucking good in this like i REALLY like the idea of him being a teenager and the friction between him and macduff comes out of a difference in amount of life lived. also the "face it like a man"/"feel it like a man" lines become so Interesting with transmasc malcolm i need to process my thoughts on this further

- tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow was SOOOOOO. IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO. LIKEEEEEEE even though she pushed him towards duncan's murder lady macbeth was the last tether macbeth had to his humanity at the end and it's so so fucking tragic and sad. like i felt that "signifying /nothing/" within the DEEPEST pits of my soul.

- THE YOUNG SIWARD SCENE. I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND I DIDNT AND I NEED TO BE FUCKING SHOT I NEED TO BE SHOT I JEED TO BE SHOT I NEED TO BE SHOT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

- macbeth's death was played so perfectly like i don't even have the words for it the whole final fight scene and his death was so fucking good i need to be shaken like ragdoll

- i'm insane

[knightmathias]

task 01: spring play audition ( macbeth ) !

notes: don’t give him macbeth thank u i want him to go batshit LMAO im kidding but rlly dont give him macbeth

i also couldn’t figure out how to put this in organically but mathias def knows that a LOT of the others are gunning for macbeth too!!! but he’s never been worried bc he knows for sure he’s always going to get the lead roles so he never really thinks about anyone else, i think it’ll be great for him to not only NOT get macbeth but not even a really big role full stop ? i don’t think it makes sense for heidi to give him a SMALL role maybe bc he IS technically really fuckin good but i also dont think heidi think it’s Best to give him a huge role anyway like she can see the Laziness in him and “acting for the wrong reasons” / not improving as an actor bc he’s never been in the spot to need to!!!!!!

Calling it a problem sounded so serious, you think derisively. Your hands are brushing over the small packet of coke you’ve placed on the desk, eyebrows furrowed. You’ve got ten minutes until your audition, and whilst Heidi doesn’t seem to be the type of person to appreciate tardiness, you’re not used to bending yourself to follow the rules. So you’ll be late. Big deal.

Calling it a problem, you continue thinking, getting your thoughts back on track. Calling it a problem was silly. An addiction would come in the form of your sister Ana, who could never stop herself. And even then, she’s fine. High every time you see her these days, maybe, but she’s fine -- Bad things don’t happen to the Knights. Only good things. Only good things.

Still, you sweep the bag into your desk drawer instead, out of sight. You don’t need it right now, the temptation was just a little too much when you have the bag in front of you; you’re certainly not nervous about this audition at all. Sure, you haven’t really worked on practising much -- but you never do, right? And sure, you’ve been more distracted as of late -- falling in and out of [the statue’s] bed, preoccupied by Orson’s death. But you either have the star quality or you don’t, it’s what your parents have always taught you. Working hard is good, but it’s for the ones that don’t have it, who want what you have. You’ve run through your lines a few times, you know it’s going to be good.

( And sure, you’ve taken to drinking more and smoking more and done a few more lines lately than would be considered smart. But you don’t talk about that. You don’t even think about that. What’s too much? What’s too far? When is enough enough when you’ve been like this, been around this, your whole life? It’s the glamourous life of theatre, baby, it’s just show biz. )

You take your phone out of your pocket to check the time. 4 minutes. Plenty of time then.

There’s a glass filled halfway of vodka and Coke on your bed stand, not quite finished from the night before. You pick it up and down it, even though it’s gone flat by now. The alcohol to take the edge off, but you won’t admit there’s an edge to you anyway. Liquid luck instead, maybe, but when have you ever needed luck? For the enjoyment, then, is what you reason. Why waste perfectly good alcohol?

By the time you arrive, Heidi’s voice cuts to you, unimpressed. “You’re twelve minutes late.”

“Had to make sure my hair was pretty,” you say charmingly, the cheek usually endearing to others. Orson would’ve loved your response, would’ve grinned and joked back, would’ve said something about the importance of appearance on stage. Orson would’ve ---

But it’s not Orson. It’s Heidi, and she doesn’t seem to think you’re being funny at all. 

“I think it’s best if you just start, since you’re running late.”

But you’ve already made your way onto the stage.

"Mathias Knight,” you say, stage voice on. Your teeth glint white in the light as you flash a professional smile, but Heidi doesn’t seem to return it. “I’m auditioning for the role of Macbeth. I’ve chosen to do Macbeth’s speech from Act 2 Scene 1 -- Enjoy.”

There’s no surprise on Heidi’s face at your announcement of choice, but you don’t let it deter you. Of course it’s predictable, to go for Macbeth and to do this scene, but does it matter what you audition with, when your talent will showcase either way? You want Macbeth and you’re going to get it, you always do. There was no point putting in more work than its worth, when performing Macbeth’s most famous soliloquy did the same job.

Heidi nods, so you take a deep breath and settle into your role effortlessly. You’ve heard the others talk about needing to have an emotional connection to the role they’re playing, and you’ve never quite understood it -- you’ve played characters you could hardly even fathom being similar to, but you’ve played them excellently nonetheless. Acting, for you, is not about the emotion, or the personal, or the leaving of your body behind. It’s about the skill and the technique and the way you perform it -- because that’s what it is, isn’t it? It’s a performance. It’s a performance and you’re conscious of that fact every moment you are on that stage, your own kingdom. You connect with the characters because you need to, but it’s always been on that surface level, knowing you are playing them. You are not Macbeth. That much is clear. But you’re a damn good actor.

“Is this a dagger which I see before me, / The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee...”

You’ve never known fear, or delusion, like Macbeth in this scene -- but that’s never been why you’re so good. You can push passion and emotion out of your voice so well that no one could ever see the difference, you can bend and contort your face in the same anguish and people will believe it. What is a tragedy to someone who’s never experienced the bad? It’s just: tragedy. It’s a word. It means nothing.

( Tragedy: a play dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character. )

( Of course you’re the main character, you’re always the main character. There’s nothing forgettable about the way you hold yourself, the way you speak, the way you move. The downfall of the main character. But you’ve not done anything wrong, have you? You didn’t murder Orson. What’s the worse crime you’ve committed? A few stolen grams of coke? Petty thievery, small crime -- who is hurting from your lack of consequences? No one. You were born indestructible. You’re pretty sure you’re going to die that way too. )

( An unhappy ending. Darling, your story is hardly far from over yet. )

When you finish the soliloquy, that powerful feeling that settles in your bones every time you perform, you half-expect an applause. You were objectively good and there’s no other way that that could be twisted. Instead, you look out and only meet Heidi’s eyes, facial expression unreadable. For a moment, you’d forgotten, waiting for Orson to tell you how brilliant you were. 

But Orson wasn’t here. Isn’t it funny it only hits you in the gut every time you want something from him? His approval felt like an applause from an adoring crowd. His approval confirmed everything you’ve ever known about yourself, and you didn’t realise you craved it so badly until you were faced with the absence of it.

Several beats of silence. You’re waiting for her to say something, but when she doesn’t, you say, “So?”

Finally, Heidi shrugs. “It was an impressive performance. Truthfully, one of the best I’ve seen today.”

At that, you square your shoulders, basking in the compliment. What’s the best part of acting for you? You’ve heard others say things like slipping out of their own body and mind, into someone else’s. No, for you, you bleed yourself out on stage for this: the roaring approval.

But Heidi isn’t done talking. She adds, “I just don’t know if it’s enough.”

You blink. “Pardon me, but what?”

“What do you think about when you’re acting on stage, Mathias?”

The question takes you by surprise. “I think -- I think about the role I’m playing.”

Heidi shakes her head. “The thing is -- I just don’t think you do. I think you’re thinking about the praise you’ll get.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” You don’t have a bad temper, you’ve never been forced to. But irritation ignites within you, an uncomfortable and unfamiliar feeling. 

She considers you for a moment, and you’ve never felt self-conscious in your life, least of all on a stage. She considers you for a moment, and you feel suddenly very naked, like she’s looking at something deep within you and she’s not liking what she sees.

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says abruptly.

“No,” falls out of your mouth first, because you’re not used to being dismissed, not used to failing. She said it was one of the best performances she’s seen today, but suddenly it doesn’t feel enough. 

Her eyebrows raise.

“You said it yourself that I’m good,” you say hurriedly. “I’m the best, and you know it. You can dislike me all you like --”

“Mathias, I don’t dislike you --”

“But I know I’m good,” you continue, as if uninterrupted. “When I’m on that stage, it doesn’t matter who likes me as Mathias and who doesn’t; all that matters is that the audience does. I’ve been playing the lead my whole life for a reason, and they’ll all call it arrogance, but there’s nothing wrong in knowing that I’m good. That I’m the best. Who cares if I’m connecting emotionally to the characters? I’m one of the best actors on this program and it’s for a reason, and I’m sorry it’s not the reason you want it to be, but talent is a reason in itself. That’s what Orson told me. Orson said I have what it takes. Orson said I was going to do big things. Orson said --”

“Mathias,” Heidi cuts off neatly, and there’s something in her voice that you can’t place. Pity, maybe? But you’ve never been pitied before. What is there to pity in you? You’re the star. You’re always the fucking star. “I’m not Orson.”

The sentence guts you in a way it shouldn’t, and you blink at the aftermath of your outburst. 

“Thank you for your time, Mathias,” she says again, firmer. 

This time, you move off the stage, towards the door. The only thing you can think about is how badly you need a drink.

[chikoriita]

The Miraculous Job Pt. 2

Read on AO3.org

The next evening, Marinette slipped a 20 euro note to the box office attendant. “For the current showing of Macbeth, please.” She checked her watch. The play should be in Act II at this point. If they hurried, they would catch her favorite scene.

“Hah!” The attendant laughed. “They’re swatting flies in there. You can go in for free!”

Marinette nodded, while the other three exchanged nervous glances. She strolled into the theater and stood at the back.

“Um, why are we here dude?” Nino asked.

She shushed him. “It is rude to interrupt a performance.” She turned her attention back to the stage. There stood a man with wild, blond hair like sunshine and a somber look in his green eyes. He stood alone with a single spotlight in the darkness, his hand clutching nothing in the hand. Ah, Marinette guess correctly. Of course he was playing Macbeth.

“Is this a dagger!” Macbeth shouted furiously, jerked his fist back and forth. “Which I see before me, the handle toward my hand?” He threw himself on the ground and shouted into the air. “Come, let me clutch at thee!” Marinette mouthed the soliloquy with the actor.

Alya’s face contorted. What was happening here?

Nino’s hand rose to his mouth in horror. Surely not…

Chloé furrowed her brow and wore her trademark sneer.

“This. Is. Awful.” Nino’s words were deadpan but they were disturbed underneath.

“Is he injured?” Alya asked. “In the head?” She emphasized.

“He is the worst actor I’ve ever seen,” Chloé admitted to Marinette. “And I’ve seen some shitty actors.”

Marinette’s lip tugged up. “That’s because this is not his stage.” 

She exited the auditorium. This would be easier after the performance.

The four waited in the alley behind the theater. Chloé was still adamant that this was a bad idea. “I vote no!” She whined.

The back-door to the theater opened, and Marinette walked toward it. “Alya’s right. They know us.”

The blond actor walked out and buttoned his trench coat. Marinette clapped loudly, almost in fanfare and grabbed his attention. “I thought you were great.”

He looked up and recognition washed over his face. “My only fan,” he drawled in a British accent. The man slowly sauntered toward her and took her hand. “Pleasure to meet you again, Mlle. Dupain-Cheng,” Adrien Agreste said, before placing a kiss on the back of her hand. He met her gaze and winked.

—

(7 years earlier, London)

Sunlight streamed past the curtains into the dusty room. Clarridge’s, as always, was a goldmine for some wonderful art. Too bad that this would be his final trip here. From what he heard through the grapevine, the revered auction house and its new chief auctioneer will be improving security ten-fold. He was fortunate that he had quite the rapport with one of the art curators. A lovely woman, he mused.

He slid the knife carefully under the canvas. A 200-year old painting deserved the most tender care in the world. He loosened it from its current home. Some fool thought to overshadow the masterpiece inside of this garish frame. He chuckled; he would give it a much better home.

A crash at the door distracted him. He reached for the small pistol at his side. Not an elegant weapon, but a grifter could never be too careful.

“Freeze!” A feminine voice shouted. He turned with his gun and was pleasantly surprised. A younger woman wrapped in a red polka dot coat with striking blue eyes pointed her own weapon at him. Was that a hint of a French accent he detected? “Get away from my client’s property,” she said icily. The woman stepped closer to him, her heels not clacking like the other women in the auction house. This woman wore boots that she could run in; more likely, to chase.

“Oh no, how unfortunate. A lucky little ladybug is here to protect her prize. Whatever shall this black cat do?” He taunted her.

She did not react how he would have liked, such as dropping the weapon. Instead, she trained it on him. “Chat Noir, I presume.”

His reputation preceded him. Maybe he was luckier than he imagined. “So you know me?”

Now it was her turn for a smile, and it was the unholy mixture of dazzling and terrifying. “I do know you. You’ve had more aliases than anyone can count. By my count, you’ve done nearly every grift in the book. The infamous Chat Noir is a ghost that will steal from anyone with money.”

“Knowledge like that is a warning sign. I’ll give you one more.” Chat aimed for her shoulder and fired off one shot. She clutched it immediately. It was simply a distraction. An artful thief like him preferred to leave no blood evidence of his presence. A rubber bullet did the same job for him as a real one.

He felt the pain in his own shoulder before he registered the sound of the shot. His wound, unlike hers, was real. The smoke and dust danced in between them as they both pressed against their wounds. Hers would leave a bruise, while his would scar. How poetic.

The woman re-holstered her gun and withdrew a handkerchief. Gently, she removed his hand from his shoulder and quickly replaced it with the handkerchief. He was surprised there were not guards flocking to the sound of gunshots in the Clarridge’s basement. Yet that was a passing thought; most of his thoughts were spent in puzzling out this woman in front of him. First she shot him, and now she tended to his wound.

As if she could read his thoughts, she lifted her gaze to meet his. He looked once again into those striking eyes. He likened them to bluebells he had once seen in the Lake District as a child.

She spoke softly. “I don’t know everything about you, Chat Noir, but you should know one thing about me. I do not want your enmity nor your rancor. I simply responded in kind to your, how did you say, warning.”

“What is your name, Ms. Ladybug?” He whispered. She shook her head and replaced her hand with his. She left her handkerchief to stop the flowing of the wound. It was more of a nick than a scratch, but he appreciated her care.

“Stay out of trouble, kitty,” she cheekily warned as she left him in the dusty basement.

Chat Noir lifted the handkerchief and examined it. There was a bloodstained monogram in the corner.

MDC

He returned the cloth to his wound. He would find a way to return it to her one day, he vowed.

—

“The pleasure is mine, Adrien,” she said firmly. “Or should I introduce you as Chat Noir?”

The moment she said his alias, Chloé, Nino, and Alya gasped simultaneously. Of all the grifters in the world, Marinette was recruiting the most infamous of them all. Every criminal worth their salt reveled in the Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. After their initial meeting in London, Chat Noir spread word of his little moniker for her. Once he did, the criminal world was on the lookout for Ladybug the thief-catcher. He made her into a legend to be feared. In return, she spent a good portion of her career thwarting thieves and figuring out his true name. After all they had shared, it was all she could do.

“I’m a citizen now.” Adrien held his hands up. “Honest.”

Marinette tucked a lock of her hair back and met his green gaze. “I’m not.”

Both his brows raised in surprise. “You’re playing my side now?”

She nodded. “Are you in?”

He stared at her for a few seconds. She wondered what he thought of what he saw. Wondered if he saw the bags under her eyes from the last year of drinking. The scar hidden under her bangs from the fire. The weight of the past sitting on her shoulders.

Adrien nodded. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Good seeing you again, milady.”

Refusing to seem flustered in front of the team, Marinette steeled her nerves and faced the rest. “Okay, let’s go break the law just one more time!” Chloé rolled her eyes and began strutting away from the alley. Nino sighed and followed. She didn’t have a key to his apartment, and from his short experience of Chloé, he did not want to replace a broken door. Luckily, the theater was a few blocks away from home base.

Alya hung around for a few seconds. She debated whether or not to leave Marinette alone with this man. Chloé may barely trust her, but Alya judged Marinette on their own interactions. It was obvious there was a past between Marinette and Adrien. He was still holding her hand, for instance, and she let him. She almost left them alone when she heard the low rumble of thunder.

“Let’s go back to Nino’s?” Alya suggested. Both Marinette and Adrien jolted out of their reverie and nodded. Alya turned around and quirked her lips a little. Maybe one day, she could get the full story out of Adrien. He seemed more than willing to tell tales.

—

When they entered the apartment, Nino whisked Adrien away for a tour of the apartment. He pointed things out animatedly and explained all of his equipment. Adrien, to his credit, followed Nino without resistance.

Marinette softly smiled at that. Nino was still a kid compared to the rest of them. Adrien was not a good influence in the least, but he was better than any other man in his life. Better than most men, if she had to admit to herself.

She returned her attention to the papers on the kitchen island. Somewhere in here was the perfect way to take Gabriel Agreste down a peg. And if she could have some peace, maybe she would find it sometime before Fashion Week.

Bang! Slam! Shut!

Alya was making a racket in the kitchen. She opened up every cupboard and drawer. "There's nothing to eat in here." She pouted at Marinette. "Tell Nino to order in."

She opened her mouth to argue when Chloe walked through the door with multiple grocery bags. "I refuse to eat pizza for dinner again.” She shoved the bags into Alya’s arms. “Unpack these.” Chloé heaved a sigh and took off her sunglasses.

The thief scrunched her face when she saw what Chloé brought back with her. She withdrew packets of meat, cheeses, and bread. “None of this is cooked. What good is it right now?” She asked.

Chloé removed her coat and tied her hair out of her face. “I’m going to make dinner. If you’re hungry, you can eat it or leave it.” She eyed Marinette and her papers. Marinette took the hint and removed herself to the coffee table. At least there she wouldn’t be part of this fiasco. Before she settled on the couch, she poured herself a glass of scotch. Sip. The whisky left a trail of fire in her throat.

She peered over her shoulder to watch the girls. Chloé stood at the island and chopped onions. Alya reached for a cube of cheese and was rewarded with a smack on the hand. “Don’t touch that! What, were you raised in a cave?” Chloé grunted. Her harsh words didn’t affect Alya at all. Instead, she swiped a piece of bread and stuck her tongue out. Chloé rolled her eyes.

Marinette chuckled over her glass. She could feel Chloé’s glare boring through the back of her head. “I didn’t know you could cook,” she said back to the kitchen. The Chloé she knew in school would not even boil water. This Chloé was rougher around the edges. Not meaner necessarily; only different. Their interactions over the last decade were sporadic. Before, she was the thief-chaser. Now everything was off kilter, and Marinette simply adapted to reach equilibrium.

“Some of us have changed from childhood, Dupain-Cheng.” Her growl carried through the room. “I can do more than shop and bust heads you know.”

Her words struck a chord in Marinette. She put her papers down and turned around. “Really?”

Chloé picked up the chef’s knife in her right hand. “Hold a knife like this, and you can dice onions.” She twirled the knife into a different position. “Hold a knife like this, and you can cut, like, 8 Yakuza in ten seconds. Knives are like people and require context.”

Alya smiled at the display and grabbed another piece of bread while Chloé was distracted.

Nino and Adrien returned from the apartment tour. “Whoa, dudes, that smells pretty good. Even better than my Nana’s cooking!” Nino exclaimed, while Adrien sat down next to Marinette.

“Quite a team you’ve gathered here.”

“They’re not my team.”

Adrien grinned at her and scooted closer. “You may think so, but they think differently.” He nodded toward Nino. “He thinks you’re some kind of mastermind.”

“And what did you say?” She asked, curious to hear what he had to say.

“Dinner’s ready!” Alya poked her head between them.

Marinette jumped away from both Adrien and Alya. Gently, she placed the papers back in their folder and rose. “Excellent.” She ignored the warmth that was slowly dissipating from her right side. Adrien’s side.

As she washed up, she sighed. Bringing Adrien on was not a mistake. It might have been the best choice she made in a long time. Yet at the same time, Marinette knew that the infamous Chat Noir always had a trick up his sleeve. Nino, Chloé, and even Alya; she understood how each of them worked, what they could do. For Adrien, she knew what he could do. The problem was that she never pinpointed why he did it. Any of it.

It was an uncertainty she could not afford.

---

Here is a bonus chapter for you all! Adrien deserves an introduction fit for the stars. Leave a comment if you would like to be tagged for this fic!

@mochegato @slippersox @do-the-fandom-mash @kattmeithmath @silverknight338 @wegan97 @clockaede @thejonsims4  @palletred @clarinvoyant @orville-redenbacher-space-hero @retrogremlinficreading @princess-of-fangirls​ @nefariousinkblot

[itjustwontquit]

I want you to know I've just been hit with a wave of missing your absurdly funny bat out of hell takes

Okay so I got this and I thought maybe I should come up with some random bullshit takes because I haven't done that in ages

Anyway this is what I came up with

Ledoux doing the dagger soliloquy from Macbeth but with a balloon sword

Strat bulk ordering his shirts

I have an incredible mental image of all of the lost sliding down a hill on that mattress at once

The lost breaking into Falco tower to slightly rearrange the furniture in falcos study

Ledoux's balloon sword was made by Scherzzo

The lost have an annual bet on who can steal more of strats shirts

Please feel free to add your own astoundingly bad takes onto this

[bluebyrd-screaming]

A soliloquy I wrote as an addition to Macbeth for English class

Lady Macbeth- Outside Duncan’s chambers Act II, Scene 2 (split stage)

“Is this a dagger which I see before me,

The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.”

My hand goes out to grab it,

to reach for this curs��d thing.

It’s taunting me as I stand here,

whispering devils in my ear.

I have no dagger on my belt,

Yet it weighs me down. Had the dagger

Been here with me, I might have done it

And watched the blood drip down my hands.

Blood as red as wine and wine as red as blood

As red as the moon and dark as the midnight sky

Was the liquid in their glasses that made their

Eyes and minds go dark. The drink drained slowly

From their glass. Had they been more

Easily persuaded to lose their minds tonight,

I might have done it, yet I balk at the mere

Idea of committing such a heinous act.

Such a hideous act, not fitting

For a dame, such as me. For I’m a woman, hence

I could never do it, Yet it tempts

Me, beshrewed upon me by some hag.

But softly I must go, as to not

Adventure my discretion

If i’d ‘ve had the courage, I might’ve done it.

For he is a man, he shall do it with no quandary.

My duty is to tell him, he is to execute it.

Hear it husband, hear thy bell

“That summons thee to heaven or to hell.”