#and the soothslayers

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

julius caesar but i've never watched it

...either the play or the actual man. I am not a time-travelling voyeur. Why does that give Doctor Who vibes? I haven't watched that either.

Anyway, happy Ides of March, tumblr. Here we are. Doing what I do worst, making a summary of things I have no authority to summarise... WAHOO LET'S GO. Whatever it is I know about the play:

Caesar was vibing sometime around the '40s. 0040s, not 1940s.

He has a wife named Calpurnia. A maggot wants to be her because and I quote 'no one ever listens to me either'.

She tells him not to go to some kind of coronation or speech or something on the Ides. He's like nah wifey 'sall gucci.

I regret saying that sentence. As did Caesar, because he went and got stabbed in 44. Spoiler alert.

People ship Mark Antony with Caesar but some ship Brutus and Caesar. *youtuber voice* Comment below with your favourite ship.

Don't do it I don't want to know. Anyway, he's also married to Cleopatra, who is killed by snake venom that may not have been snake venom or something.

Idk they were cute. They had a kid that ran away and Asterix and Obelix had to take care of him. Caesarian?

WAIT IS A C-SECTION CALLED A CAESARIAN BECAUSE YOU CUT IT OPEN AND CAESAR WAS STABBED? WHAT?

There is a soothsayer. He tries to soothwarn Caesar.

Caesar does not soothlisten. Caesar is a lil bitch.

On the Ides of March, Caesar goes up to the soothsayer who is lurking on the steps of the maybe-coronation place. He soothsays The Ides of March are come!

The soothsayer soothsighs and soothsays Aye, Caesar, but not gone.

The senators, otherwise known as the soothslayers, have been plotting for a while. Brutus is a very dear friend of Caesar. He thinks Caesar slays.

But the other senators convince him this is what's best for Rome. So he thinks Caesar should be slayed.

So now the soothslayers at the maybe-coronation gather around Caesar and start stabbing him. Et tu, Brute? and all that (though I remember something about that phrase not meaning the same thing as it does in popular context...).

The soothslayers are a bit extra. Like bro. One stab to the heart would have soothsufficed.

Anyway, Caesar is soothslayed like the soothsayer soothsaid.

There is a funeral thing. The People of Rome are cranky.

A maggot once said Moots, maggots, countrymen! and it lives rent-free in my head.

Anyway what Mark Antony actually says is a whole ass speech. FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS. I COME TO BURY CAESAR, NOT TO PRAISE HIM! THE EVIL THAT MEN DO LIVES AFTER THEM, THE GOOD IS INTERR'D WITH THEIR BONES (I THINK I HAVEN'T HEARD THE SPEECH IN A WHILE OK) SO LET IT BE WITH CAESAR.

So he gives the soothspeech and everyone is emotional. IF YOU HAVE TEARS, PREPARE TO SHED THEM NOW. Damn bro. It's like playing villain music just as the camera focuses on the villain.

Anyway then there is a lot of chaos and blah blah blah Mark Antony does some stuff Caesar's adoptive son Octavian does some stuff.

There's some bloke named Augustus who may or may not be Octavian (if he was sorry for the deadname Auggy my bad).

Brutus is killed? Or he kills Mark Antony? One of them die.

They were totally not fighting over who was a better lover to Caesar.

Roman Republic gone byebye as I say to Roxie. Roman Empire starts. The end.

Er.

That was a thing. I rather like summarising my homeboy Shakespeare haven't read him in a while and I only read his comedies. Maybe I should do more in honour of the Globe Theatre Maggots.

Happy Ides. Please don't soothslay me. I've been a good Maggot Prince to you, haven't I?

*runs just in soothcase*

[soothslayerofficial]

[hs-transfusion]

> TEREZI PYROPE

HEMO: Olive (#416600) TROLLTAG: gladiatorsCourage [GC] SIGN: Lelib, the Thoughtful STRIFE: daggerkind MODUS: Piñata LUNAR SWAY: Derse MYTH. ROLE: Thief of Breath LAND: Land of Sirens and Fog

GC: wal7zing 7hrough 7his neck of 7he woods may be unlucky for you…

Terezi may not be a legal officer of the law, but as far as she's concerned, if His Honorable Tyranny has an issue with her VIGILANTE ANTICS, he'll have to catch her with his own bare hands. She of course knows fully well that HHT has much more important things to worry about than some STABHAPPY MIDBLOOD culling a few troublemakers here and there.

When she's not enacting her own PERSONAL FORM OF JUSTICE, she takes up AMATEUR FORTUNE TELLING as a side hustle. Her visions are often correct, but this is nothing more than SHEER DUMB LUCK (hence her use of the number 7 in her quirk). This dumb luck is also how she can navigate her FOREST GROUNDS freely despite being blind -- on top of her KEEN SENSE OF SMELL, anyway.

Terezi's PIÑATA Fetch Modus is as simple as it sounds: to retrieve the item, you need to BREAK ITS CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, BLIND. Normally this would be difficult, but she has some experience in this field, to put it lightly.

Terezi's lusus is classified as the SCREECHING PREDABAT; a small, feral bat creature that HULKS THE FUCK OUT on a pair of FULL MOONS. Its reliance on ECHOLOCATION helped it to teach Terezi how to navigate her blindness.

The Land of SIRENS AND FOG is a grey, depressing wasteland. It's lined with OMINOUS WATCHTOWERS that will sound off a POWERFUL ALARM if you approach them, alerting every NEARBY MONSTER to your location. Considering they become more plentiful the closer one gets to the planet's core, it seems that TYPHEUS doesn't want anyone to approach him...

Terezi's ancestor is known as The VAGABOND. A powerful SOOTHSLAYER, she roamed the lands reading fortunes for the RICH AND POWERFUL. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of foretelling a GREAT DISASTER to the EMPRESS and was culled for her heresy, despite every last warning being SORELY HEEDED by the paranoid monarch.

[lazuli-the-soothsayer]

Soothsayer? Not Soothslayer? Because you SLAY 💅💋

“Harr, you flatter me, pet. I am more of a negotiator than a “slayer”. Raids are only an occasional bloodsport for me.” He lifts his totem hanging from his neck, and waggles it lightly, “A little treat.”

[weaselbeaselpants]

K I think I put together (some of) what happened two weeks ago in the Lily Orchard critical community

>The whole issue surrounding g*rrysh*rry happened and they (g*rry) was called out for their zionism. In case anyone is wondering, yes I obviously tried to do my own call out/deepdive on g*rry and was called out for it hence why I took down my posts, including one I unknowingly reblogged from a bad faith actor. The 'tumblr famous' blogger g*rry was beefing with asked me and others posting about g*rry to take down our posts personally, as apparently g*rry and this blogger want to bury the hatchet. I complied. If anyone reblogged or screenshotted my posts those are all that's left. The one silver lining in any of this is said 'tumblr famous'-guy knows just what Lily Orchard has been accused of. Good.

>So this starlight-soothslayer pos came in and started basically doing what I was doing a few weeks ago and crapping on g*rry WHILE ALSO trying to insinuate that the rest of the Lorch criticals were secret zionist AND ALSO using some genuine antisemitisms leveled at g*rry. Ew. I saw the posts from the people who made it clear: people have renounced g*rry; this small community IS NOT zionist which is why they renounced g*rry. -> not really much to say or add other than I saw that I had soothslayer blocked for reasons I don't remember and then I recalled said reasons: soothslayer was the asshole months back who was mocking me for saying "no, not all Gaza campaigns are scams". Soothslayer is an asshole who doesn't care about anything they want to insult people and win arguments. They clearly never supported Palestine given how insistent they were calling EVERY campaign scams, that they stooped as low as to make antisemitic bs about g*rry shows me just what kind of a person they are.

>Patricia Taxxon was posting nsfw material on her sfw accounts where minors could get to it -> I confused her with Lily Orchard for a hot second cuz Lily as we all know flashed her audience. No. It's Patricia. I'm very, very obviously not a good "call out" post person. I'm bad at it, but of everything I've seen of Taxxon it just gets more and more alarming and I'm trying to tell other bloggers about her support of Lily- that really seems to turn a lot of people who don't know what she's said and done against Taxxon. As they should.

Taxxon and Lorch are both deeply toxic people. I'm not going to use the dreaded 'g' word cuz we all know that gets abused to much. What they are is conditioners: Lorch gaslights people into insisting her siscest stuff isn't what it so obviously is to avoid being called out for it/dodge accusations that she abused her irl sibling; Taxxon gaslights prospective furries and model perverts into thinking "furry = animal abuse" as a 'joke', to condition people into believing there's nothing wrong with what she posts abt irl animals, including the most heinous stuff shes been accused of. A real floraverse* at heart. Forget anything you learned of proshipping v antishipping discourse- Lily and Taxxon are using those arguments to excuse their paraphilias in fandom and irl.

This is what this discussion will ALWAYS be about. We don't want bigots and we don't want predators. Whether they're proud of their position or trying to hide behind progressive language. We don't want this. We never should have had to deal with it and we're done putting up with it.

[thetepes]

i think starlight soothslayer is either mechanic or someone who used to be around the crim/sai server and didn't get enough attention from sai and is salty about it.

Nah, they speak completely differently then Mech. I don't care who they are.

[softantlers]

maybe soothslayer? like soothsayer = someone who has visions + slayer = a hunter kinda although maybe too violent for nat

deeply deeply fuck with that mhmmm

[why-is-it-imposible-blog]

Soothslayer: a person who uses prophetic visions to kill people

[earhartsease]

pitch for a show about a detective who can glimpse the future, title: The Sleuthsayer

and he's constantly chasing the criminal who always lies: The Soothslayer

and then of course the final battle is with the detective's archnemesis who can also glimpse the future: The Sleuthslayer

[dean23456]

Kart league (round 4, part 60)

Bottom 2 get eliminated

Also I can't do anymore for today because there's too little and I don't want to start it just yet. Round 5 is tomorrow.

[gidgets-fabricator]

@fruityzari

#soothslayer lost 💔

That is an epic typo.

Astra Logue Fashion Tournament: Winner!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

happy ides, soothslayers. i have a video for you.

On the accursed occasion of the Ides of March, which Tumblr celebrates because of course you do, maggots, I rooted up a months-old video that was an art history project I made about art in the Roman Republic.

Except, well. It's really, really gay.

Not the art. The video. And it's called Keeping Up With the Ancient Romans.

The video is here. Or you can find the YouTube channel itself in the pinned post on my blog. Something.

Idk my brain is fried after rewatching that goddamn video.

I think @achilles-in-a-blanket-burrito said it best:

Plutarch, ancient writer, has never been gayer. And we don't even talk about General Pompeius.

Just. Just no. But if I had to watch it, shitty production quality and all, so do you. Below are two screenshots from the bloody thing:

Happy Ides. I have two other posts queued up for today. They're... they're almost as cursed.

Love you, my maggots.

[soothslayerofficial]

Beach aftermath

[festfashions]

✨🍄🦋 Beyond Wonderland passes on sale Friday, 1/10 at 10am PT → insom.co/beyond 

[aevyk-ing]

Jim Lake Jr. in the Multiverse of Madness: First Universe Chapter 4

Everybody in Trollmarket was waiting for the new Trollhunter. While still mourning Kanjigar, they really wanted to know who was their new protector. Blinky and Aaaarrrgghh had decided that Vendel wasn’t a good first option and went to the Hero’s Forge casually, making the Soothslayer appear.

“I’ve never done this before.” Blinky said. “But I’ve read about it.”

He put his hand in the thing’s mouth while Aaaarrrgghh guarded. A single blue little cloud of smoke appeared at the top of it.

“Eh... council of Trollhunters,” Blinky said, his voice failing. “we need to know what happened when Master Jim was the Trollhunter before he went back in time.”

“As you wish.” said Kanjigar’s voice.

The cloud divided in two and they fused within the Trolls’s chests. Their heads aching, both dropped to the floor, hundreds of images flooding their minds. Blinky gasped for air.

[williamshamspeare]

I remember that one person, amii, telling you that we should just take the Wendy’s Wheel karts during June as like lgbt confirmations or sm and… I don’t think they’re wrong honestly, considering that the newest kart, Crystal’s kart, is called “The SoothSlayer”

The SoothSlayer

Crystal sooth-slayed it here