#and then they just remain in my inbox collecting dust for way too fucking long

[steviewashere]

Okay, while I did write a new little fic and will be posting it tomorrow, I need everybody to be calm about me slowly responding to AO3 comments.

Realized I haven't responded to any of them in, like, 40+ days. Guess my depression hole that I was in last month and the month prior was deeper than I knew. So, uh...yeah. I'll respond to comments and such in due time, just gonna take me a fat fucking minute. (Especially because AO3 will time me out for ten minutes if I respond too quickly to my comments. Oof.)

[danosrosegarden]

hi. some thoughts on writing. me the author, you the reader.

i wrote a full fic for the first time in over half a year. it’s a little something for edward’s birthday that i will publish on that day or a little bit before then if i get antsy and can’t wait.

i get a little depressed when i think back on my old work, to be truthful. i went through my masterlist the other day, reading works that i have zero recollection of writing. i only remember the giddy feeling of getting a notification in my inbox—another person who loved what i did and wanted to see more. it was always an honor. and i felt a little twist in my stomach remembering that. that sucks to say because wow, i made SO many pieces of writing that have resonated and been appreciated by so many people. i should feel so satisfied and proud of what i’ve done. but i don’t know, it makes my heart hurt because i’ve been out of it for so long. it makes me feel like i just don’t have that “magic touch” with my words anymore. it’s been a wacky, weird, and incredibly tough year in many ways that i’m sure a lot of you folks could relate to. i’ve failed at so many endeavors and have humiliated myself in so many ways. but writing. this has always been what i have turned to. the only A i ever got in college was in my creative writing course. it is all i have. it is what i cling to when everything goes to hell.

and all that being said, fuck my insecurities. all of them!

i don’t know if there’s any remaining demand for who i write for. i don’t really care now. i could feel the love i had for this guy restoring as i typed, and i feel silly getting emotional over writing sweet fluffy fanfiction over a murderous vigilante, but it’s the truth. i was emotional. i was emotional because even after letting my keyboard collect inches of dust, i still have followers and true friends who believe in me. i thank you for that. i thank you for never giving up on me when i’d live-blog my mental breakdowns, when i went MIA on your timelines. i don’t forget any of the kind words that have been in my asks or DMs. you all took my embarrassingly big love for these characters and built me a community and home.

i’ll be back writing in the next coming weeks. i want to unroll the scroll of very old ask requests i have, and i’d love to see anything new in there, too. once again i say the biggest, corniest i love you to anybody who has read my stuff and liked what i had to say. i don’t want this all to give me a feeling of spoiled nostalgia anymore. i want this to spark some happiness again. thank you thank you thank you.

<3