#and thought. man. wish id got a sample of this one instead

[lokh]

tabac vert. its ok!

[iron-mum]

I wish you would write a fic where Tony and kid Peter are being adorable father and son as retribution for the angst you’ve made me suffer through in the past hah! (JK I love you and your angst! 💛)

Well, well, well. What do we have here, eh? A request for adorable? I'm not sure, I'm very good at that 😌

Here's SIMTony who would stop at nothing to help his unwell son, Peter get better. Even if it meant using Extremis.

P.S. ILY3000 💕

In the final throes of the graveyard shift at the hospital floor, the elevator pinged for its frequent lone visitor. The front desk staff, whilst tense and sitting up suddenly straighter, knew not to actually engage. No ID was needed for their boss, one of them barely suppressing a gulp as his determined strides headed for the private room that had been deliberately placed near to the room equipped for every possible kind of emergency. Once inside, he carefully shut the door silently and took a seat at the bedside.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sharp blue eyes shifted from the persistent buzzing of the most technologically advanced medical equipment anyone, anywhere could offer before looking back down to something far more invaluable and precious. Tony’s entire world. His purpose in life. The little boy on the bed lay motionless, breathing slowly and evenly, nose occasionally scrunching up at the discomfort of the oxygen mask upon him. He should have been cocooned in a hug from his father but instead his son, Peter, was littered with wires attaching him to the very best modern medicine had to offer.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Pale, soft skin with the daintiest of freckles stood out against the dark curls spread across the far too big pillow. The small fingers of his left hand had loosely closed around the calloused thumb of his father, letting him know that whilst he had been rendered weak from illness, he was still aware of his comforting presence. Tony’s index finger gently glided across the small knuckles, willing himself to see a tiny curve of the lips on his son’s face.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

This had been the Avengers fault. Peter’s current critical condition. The young boy had been on a school trip when a battle had broken out and the wannabe heroes managed to cause more destruction than lives saved. A chemical explosion had landed most of the class in hospital and many of them had ended up becoming very unwell. Unfortunately for Peter, he already suffered many ailments so even under the wing of Stark’s finest medical personnel, the struggle had taken a toll. The genius shook his head as thoughts of revenge started to sprout from the many seeds that had been planted since the catastrophic incident. He shelved the many ideas he had that would lead to the demise of the reckless group once his kid was better.

It had been hours when the sound of a nurse's footsteps acted as the catalyst that would remove Tony from the room so he could head back to his lab. As he reluctantly moved his hand away, there was no reaction. Not even a twitch from the slender child. Bending down, he tentatively stroked a small amount of the exposed skin that was available on the boy’s face before planting a light kiss on his forehead. By the time the nurse was opening the door to the room to complete the routine checks, any sign of a visitor would be long gone.

The moment Tony was back in his workshop, he strode towards his desk. Music started to reverberate from the ceiling, the sound greatly appreciated compared to the low hum and incessant beeping from the emotionless devices that were currently keeping his son alive.

Tony didn’t believe in a higher power other than himself. So in no way, shape or form was he ever going to accept that he couldn’t save Peter from the incurable illness now ravaging his frail body. Feeling powerless was simply not an option.

Rolling up the sleeve to his top, the genius opened a drawer and pulled out a device meant for extracting blood as painlessly as possible. Not that pain meant much to him these days. No pain would ever compete with a parent having to watch their child deteriorate every single second of every single day.

Satisfied with the draw, Tony placed it into a diagnostic machine of his own making. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass of his workshop, eyeing it like he was in the most intense staring contest of his life. Jaw clenching, his arm shot out allowing liquid metal to glide across his skin before firing a repulsor at the glass and shattering it. There was an element of irony to everyone loving his face except himself in the minimal but intrusive “what if” moments that surrounded his current situation. With a crack of his neck, his arm remained outstretched so the Endo-Sym armour could return to it’s housing tank.

“Boss, the results are back,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informed as the music lessened in volume. “No adverse reactions detected still. The chemical composition indicates that the Extremis is unchanged in it’s integration with you on a genetic level and continues to remain stable.”

“And the sample from Peter?” Tony asked, confident that he knew what the answer would be.

“Also remaining stable.”

“Alert the staff intending to see Peter following tonight's shift that their presence will not be needed,” the genius demanded as he mentally reiterated the next steps of his plan in his head. Lips curled into devilishly handsome grin at his victory, eyes crinkling at the sides. The smile only softened when his eyes drifted to a framed picture Peter had drawn of the both of them. He’d done it.

“Certainly, boss,” the AI had responded without any acknowledgement. Tony was too busy in thought. Not only was the Extremis flowing through his own veins, leaving him feeling at perfect health. But soon, it would be doing the same for Peter too. Pain free, peak performance and at complete and optimal health.

“Have there been any sightings of the Avengers in the last hour? I feel a splash of revenge is in order for this special occasion?” The holo-screens in front of him started to flicker as social media sites were searched and hashtags refreshed repeatedly. Hulk had been trending within the hour and Hawkeye in the last eleven minutes.

"Well, how about that?" he grinned gleefully. "I really am being spoiled for choice."

Whilst the genius had been certain F.R.I.D.A.Y. had relayed the message to the morning staff, Tony still found himself exhaling sharply at the sight of someone sat by Peter’s side reading his file. The thin bag of Extremis in his hand was shifted into his back pocket as quickly as humanly possible. The good feeling from beating the shit out of one of the Avengers, plus the buzz of providing Peter with a cure that no meagre doctor had been able to, shifted into a tension as tried to work out who it was.

Their face was narrow with sharp features and glasz eyes remarkably penetrating when they met his perusing stare. His black hair had been combed back neatly, the sides of his temples a distinct light grey. The well fitted suit looked designer even for Tony’s impeccable standards.

“Your services are no longer required,” he affirmed with a dismissive flourish of the hands before the man could even introduce himself.

“I’m sorry?” the other man replied without hesitation, closing the file and rising from the chair. Tony’s chair. If he’d been expecting any pleasantries or introductions, he was thoroughly mistaken. Tony was already locked onto Peter, the gentle rise of his chest a welcoming sight as always. He refused to allow his attention to be divided, ignoring the piercing stare boring into him now. “I have an oath to this patient. He critically needs help from the best in all fields. He needs my help.”

The genius turned at that, an eyebrow raised as he looked the doctor up and down. He certainly held himself strongly for someone who had that much audacity in addressing the owner of everything within his current vicinity.

“Are you new around here… Doctor Strange?” He asked disingenuously, eyes narrowing as he scrutinised the name badge. The letters ‘VISITOR - Dr Stephen Strange’ jotted on the bottom, likely the reason he hadn’t got his AI’s memo. The receptionist who let him in would be fired whether it was her fault or not.

“Unlike everyone else in this building, no, I don’t work for you” the doctor shot back tersely. “However, you were so insistent on my consultation that, somehow, I found my diary completely cleared of all surgeries that were booked in.”

“Well, you can now stick them back in your diary. We’re done here.”

“I know this is difficult,” the doctor started, tone suddenly softer as if he were hoping a change of tact would get through. “You brought me in for my expertise, so use them.”

“I’m the most intelligent, capable person on the planet. I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.”

“Your arrogance surpasses all the rumours and expectations I had of you,” Strange snapped back incredulously. Apparently nothing was going to get through. “Your child is-”

“You know, it would be a real shame if you were to lose your medical licence, wouldn't it, doctor?” Tony sneered dangerously low. This ungrateful little shit was going to get it for not only wasting his time and energy, but also his son’s. An insignificant speck like the rest of the world.

“Are you threatening me?” the doctor replied doing his best to keep his tone cool and unflinching when the other man removed all personal space between them. The lack of intimidation he was feeling only pissed Tony off more.

“Let’s not test my resolve, doctor.” Despite feeling completely wrong about leaving considering Peter’s condition, Dr Stephen Strange tucked the file he’d been reading under his arm and left the room in just a few strides. Tony had spotted the hand diving for a phone as the door shut behind him and clenched his fists in disdain.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., be a darling and ensure Doctor Douchebag doesn’t make it back home,” Tony demanded followed by a nonchalant sniff.

“Yes, boss. His phone has also unexpectedly lost all signal so will not be usable anytime soon.”

Satisfied with the course of action his AI had taken, Tony locked the door to his son’s room for good measure. He eyed the current equipment before making his move. One of the drips currently providing Peter with much needed medicine was switched to make way for a sample of the Extremis that Tony had meticulously created and tested on himself. He peered at his son, swallowing thickly that this would all be worth it.

Bag secured, the first few drops started instantly, the older man watching as they flowed along the thin tubes before entering the cannula imposed on Peter’s hand. The skin began to glow orange, the lava looking trail gliding all the way up the arm’s before entering the chest. Daring a glance at the monitors, Tony noted an instant improvement in the readouts. A smile spread across his face as sheet-white, sickly skin started to immediately brighten.

Peter’s big, brown doe eyes suddenly shot open as he took a huge gulp of air, eyes landing on his father who was remarkably in focus for the first time in his life without the aid of glasses. Tony removed the oxygen mask so he could take his son’s face in fully for the first time in well over a month.

“Dad?” the young boy croaked, clearly a little disoriented from the abrupt wake up.

“Hey, buddy,” Tony whispered, voice cracking with emotion as he closed the distance between them.

Peter lunged at his father, his small arms wrapping tightly around the genius’ neck and face burying into his chest. It had been far too long since either had been able to enjoy the tender, heart-bursting feeling of overwhelming, unconditional love from one another.

“I love you, kiddo.” Tony gushed as one of his hand’s lovingly cupped the back of Peter's head holding him as close as possible. The other enveloped around his back, his thumb slowly stroking up and down. When the older man's hand started to trail through Peter's hair, the boy somehow managed to burrow even closer. Tony soothingly lifted curls between his fingers and then let them ping back as new life continued to circle through his son’s body.

“I love you too, dad,” Peter whispered, a strain evident in his voice that Tony hadn’t been expecting. When he leant back, he saw the likely cause. Now unnecessary wires were tugging at his child’s skin.

“Let’s get these off you, bud. You don’t need them anymore,” he promised softly as he carefully went to work at removing the monitoring equipment clips and stickers. Peter’s curious eyes followed every step of the way, surprisingly not wincing even when some of the tougher stickers were peeled away. Although he was too young to even begin comprehending what had happened, he knew from vague memories he’d been hurt and that he’d slept a lot. Often he had been unsure if he was dreaming or awake when he’d hear his father read him stories, express his love and let him know how brave he was being. A slight tug on his hand drew him from his recollection as he looked down.

"I’m scared," Peter timidly admitted as he eyed up the last piece of medical equipment attached to him. The cannula in his hand.

“Here’s what we're gonna do, bud. We’re going to put on our brave faces and before you know it, it’ll be all done and over with. Can you show me your bravest, fiercest face?” Tony gently challenged, as part of his upper lip curled and he playfully growled.

The child’s dinky nose scrunched up and his lips pushed out into the biggest pout he could form. He shook his head a little and hummed in a way that likely felt fierce to him but could only be described as adorable to his dad.

"Wowzer. That was super mean, you nearly scared me!” Tony gasped dramatically, as he gestured for the boy to look down and see that the only thing on the top of his hand was a small cotton wool ball and a light pressure from his dad. Using his free hand to fish into his pocket, Tony revealed a green Paw Patrol sticker with Peter’s favourite character, Rocky, on it.

It had been a distant memory since the young boy had handed it to him, having spotted the numerous nicks and cuts that littered his hard working hands after a long day in the workshop. Extremis meant Peter wouldn’t even need it, but the placebo effect would make it worth it.

“Am I all better, daddy?” Peter asked as Tony eyed him up once more. The overwhelmed father cupped his kid’s face and planted another kiss on his forehead, relief washing over him that he was now free from the concatenation of medical instrumentation.

“You most certainly are. And that means we get to skedaddle out of here.”

Before his son could anticipate his next move, his father had scooped him up into his arms and they were making their way not only out of the room, but off of the floor for good.

They’d had a chance to change into matching casual wear and feasted on a huge breakfast before snuggling up on the sofa. Peter had selected an Octonauts movie to watch as he tucked into his father’s side and enjoyed the sound of his steady heartbeat.

It would be a couple of hours when Tony’s phone pinged with a notification he knew was F.R.I.D.A.Y. when she was being discreet. His son huffed at the movement as he shuffled to get the phone out of his pocket, muttering an apology to his kid before opening the message.

[Unfortunate accident on the Hawk’s Nest, Route 97. Vehicle crossed the barrier and rolled multiple times down the cliff’s edge before landing in the Delaware River. Initial scan from one of the Iron Sight Bot #364 shows one survivor.]

Tony’s smirk widened into a full blown smile. Peter’s heart-of-gold eyes suddenly on him, looking up from his position. It was likely a silent protest at the lack of head strokes he was suddenly receiving so the genius replied swiftly.

[Call off any emergency services and get him med-evaced here.]

“You know what I think we need. Celebratory cheeseburgers for lunch,” he announced as Peter let out a squee of joy.

[waltzofthewifi]

Kota Chapter 26: That Afternoon

Master Post/Table of Contents

Marinette headed to the Liberty right after school.

Luka was in his bedroom, strumming his guitar and making notes on a notebook. He smiled when Marinette entered.

"Am I interrupting something?" Marinette asked.

"No," Luka replied. He placed his guitar gently against the wall and moved the notebook, inviting Marinette to sit on his bed with him.

Marinette sat down, place her bad against the bed and crossing her legs. Tikki flew out of her bag and settled on Marinette's leg.

"I'm glad you're doing this," Tikki said. "If you don't mind, I'll leave you two alone."

Luka nodded. "Juleka, Rose, and my mom are probably around, but feel free to look around."

"Thank you," Tikki said. She flew off, phasing through the wall.

"I think she has a good idea of the layout of the Liberty," Marinette said. "From all the time I spend here."

"It must be nice having her around," Luka said. "I've wanted to give Sass a tour."

Marinette nodded. "A lot of the temporary heroes have expressed similar wants. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I could leave the Miraculous with you longer, if only so you can bond with your kwami like me and Tikki are. I don't know what I would do without her."

"I would appreciate that," Luka said. "Are you ready to start our meditation lesson?"

Marinette nodded. "Ready."

"Close your eyes," Luka said.

Marinette obliged.

"Most meditation instruction tells you to clear your mind," Luka said. "I've never found that very helpful. Instead, I like to think of a simple melody. Either way works. I've always heard of people picturing waves or something else - just enough thought to focus on, without having your brain start wondering."

"Okay."

Marinette pictured a wave - which was easy to do, on a boat.

"Whatever it is should be calm," Luka continued. "Now, what I do is I tense then release each individual muscle, starting in my toes."

Luka continued talking Marinette through the exercise, and Marinette was surprised to find herself actually relaxing.

She hadn't even realized how tense her muscles were. She supposed, with everything going on, it wasn't a surprise how tense she'd become. It was like her body was being pulled taught.

Marinette rolled her shoulders, trying to relax her muscles.

It felt -

It felt like a dam was breaking.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another. And another.

Marinette wiped at her cheek with her sleeve.

"Are you alright?" Luka asked.

Marinette opened her eyes to see Luka staring at her in concern.

"Yeah it's - it's nothing." She took a shaky breath in. "I just - I didn't realize how much I - how tense I've been - I mean I-"

Luka grabbed her hand. "It's okay. You're allowed to cry."

"No I'm not!" Marinette pushed his hand away and wiped at another tear. "If I get akumatized-"

"You can cry without being akumatized," Luka replied. "I've watched several experts who say that crying can even help you not get akumatized."

"Wha - what do you mean?"

"Crying isn't causing a problem," Luka reasoned. "It's just releasing emotions. People say you get akumatized because you feel hopeless, like there's no escape - well, crying is a way for your emotions to escape."

Marinette sniffled. "I guess that makes sense." She sniffled again. "It feels like - sometimes -"

She didn't finish her sentence. Instead, Marinette buried her head in her hands and just cried.

Luka reached out and placed a hand on each of Marinette's arms. "It's okay."

Marinette nodded, and in a moment of pure instinct, reached out and engulfed Luka in a hug.

.

Lacy nervously watched the laundry machine, as if her stare would help clean her shirt. She was Aphrodite's daughter, shouldn't she have some magical un-staining power?

When her phone rang from the living room, Lacy finally moved from her watch post. She was surprised to see Chloe as the caller ID.

"Yes?" Lacy answered.

Chloe grinned evilly. "So remember the other day when me and Césaire went to the principle about Rossi?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, usually I could get her expelled, and instantly, but I'm trying to play nice," Chloe said. "But I was able to pull some strings."

"I thought you already got her detention?" Lacy questioned. "For threatening Adrien?"

"Yes, well, I did a little more," Chloe said. "Especially with the way she was picking on you today, trying to get you in trouble with Miss Bustier - as if! I don't think Bustier's given out more than a detention since Ivan was akumatized."

"What did you do?" Lacy asked.

"I got her moved to another class," Chloe said.

"Oh thank the gods," Lacy sighed. "Best news I've heard in a while!"

"I know, right? Who's awesome?"

"You are," Lacy replied. "Whose class is she going to be in now?"

"To Ms Mendeliev's - who is the most no non-sense teacher in the school. Rossi's lies will never fly with her."

"But she gets out of chemistry all the time?"

"Yeah, I guess. Either way, she's not in our class."

"Thank you, Chloe," Lacy said. "I do feel bad for her new classmates though."

"Dupain-Cheng will probably try to warn them when she finds out," Chloe reasoned. "Whether they listen or not is entirely up to them. She's not our problem anymore - unless she continues picking on Adrien, that is. Oh, I talked to Adrien, and he's already agreed to move to Sabrina's and Lahiffe's project, so they don't even have to worry about that! Aren't I so thoughtful?"

"Yeah, that is really thoughtful," Lacy agreed.

"He thought so too," Chloe continued. "He even prefers working with Lahiffe, for some reason. Anyways, I have important people things to do. See you in school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you."

.

Marinette took a big drink of the nice, cold water and slammed the empty glass back onto the table.

"Ugh, I was dying of thirst," she said.

"I can tell," Luka replied. "Feeling better?"

Marinette nodded. "Much. Thank you."

"Of course."

The two of them lapsed into a comfortable silence.

The boat rocked almost rhythmically. Marinette folding her arms across the table and watched the clock on the wall change. It was peaceful, and Marinette let herself relax.

Her eyes drifted to Luka, who was taking a sip of water.

"You're a good friend, Luka."

Luka smiled. "I try to be."

Marinette looked down at her elbow. "I wish I was too."

"You are," Luka replied. "To me, and even more to Juleka."

Marinette shook her head. "I feel like I'm just using you. You're always there for me, and I know I can rely on you."

"I enjoy being there for you, Marinette," Luka said.

"But I feel like I'm never there for you," Marinette argued.

"I'm not the one who needs the support," Luka said.

"Everyone needs support," Marinette countered.

"Marinette, it's fine. I've grown up used to having be there for Juleka, since our father is no longer in our lives and our mom... she's still recovering from him."

"Then you need someone even more," Marinette argued. She reached across the table and grabbed Luka's hands. "Promise me, if you ever need something, you'll ask for help. Maybe not from me, but somebody."

Luka stared at her hands for moment. "Yeah, okay."

.

"You're heading out?" Elisabeth questioned when Lacy walked down the stairs.

"Getting a little restless," Lacy replied. "I'm just going to the store down the street to get some pictures printed. I'll be fine."

"You're going alone?" Elisabeth prodded.

"I'll be fine," Lacy repeated. "I have my pocket knife and the dagger Piper gave me."

"Just. Be careful."

Lacy nodded.

The fresh air felt nice, and so did the walking. After being holed up all afternoon, Lacy needed to move.

The drugstore wasn't too crowded, and only two other people were in line in front of Lacy.

Someone stepped in line behind Lacy. Lacy could hear him flirting with someone else, but tuned the conversation out.

The line moved up.

The conversation behind Lacy rose in volume. Lacy was startled to hear the girl sounded suspiciously like Lila, but when Lacy glanced behind her, the girl looked nothing like Lila.

Lacy thought she was being discreet, but the girl caught her glance and scowled.

"Problem?"

"No," Lacy said, quickly glancing back to the line in front of her.

The customer in front of her was having difficulties, so Lacy resigned herself to a long wait.

Unease slowly began unsettling her stomach.

The conversation continued behind her, but Lacy kept her eyes ahead. Getting caught eavesdropping once was bad enough.

The way the girl was talking, though, it almost sounded like Charmspeak...

The customer in front of Lacy was now demanding to speak to the manager.

Someone else was now joining the line behind Lacy, and talking the other man. Sounded like his girlfriend just caught him flirting with the charmspeaker.

Lacy didn't know which conversation she least wanted to hear.

The person's girlfriend was now dragging him away, and the manager had been called. Lacy stared at her feet.

"A shame," the charmspeaker muttered. "I was looking forward to dinner."

Lacy kicked at the carpet, debating whether to leave and come back later. She didn't really need the pictures printed, except to add to her wall.

Something hit her in the back, and Lacy went flying.

Lacy hit the ground, skidding across the carpet. Her bag landed several feet away.

The charmspeaker was approaching her, and she flashed a smile.

With fangs.

Lacy cursed.

"But if I can't find myself a man, well, a demigod should do," she continued, moving to block Lacy's path to her bag - and her weapon.

Lacy's heart pounded.

What would Piper do?

She'd probably use her Charmspeak.

Not helpful.

Okay, what would someone without powers do? What would Annabeth do?

She would use her surroundings to her advantage.

The monster was approaching, and Lacy scooted backwards. She scanned the store for something.

The monster lunged, and Lacy rolled out of the way and up to her feet.

Lacy sprinted to the shelves, grabbing a sample perfume bottle. The monster followed. Lacy sprayed the perfume in her face, causing her to recoil.

Lacy kicked her in the stomach, knocking her backwards.

The monster was still between her and her bag, and between her and the door, so Lacy turned and ran the other way.

She turned down the last aisle - the cosmetics aisle - and grabbed a hairbrush off the shelf.

The monster rounded the corner, bearing her fangs, and Lacy threw the brush. It didn't land in her eye exactly, but it caught the monster by surprise.

Lacy took the opportunity, running at the monster and sliding between its legs. The carpet burned, but Lacy didn't slow down and darted for her bag.

The monster pursued.

Lacy grabbed the bag by its strap. She didn't have time to grab her knife, so she swung the bag and smacked it against the monster's face.

It was enough to make the monster stop, and Lacy took advantage and kicked her in the face.

She stumbled backwards, and Lacy reached into her bag for her dagger.

Her hand wrapped around the sunglasses case just as the monster recovered.

Neither got the chance to strike.

The monster exploded into monster guts, revealing another behind her.

"Nora?"

.

Adrien was really struggling to pay attention.

It wasn't Kagami's fault. Usually, hanging with Kagami was invigorating - whether they were practicing fencing, getting away with something their parents would hate, or just talking. But the akuma earlier had worn Adrien down, and while he wasn't sleepy, he didn't have the mental energy to focus on the conversation.

Adrien gave another half-hearted "uh-huh" and took a sip from his empty glass.

"Adrien?" Kagami prodded.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you ask me to this cafe with you?"

"Because... because I like talking with you?" Adrien answered.

"Then talk," Kagami commanded.

Adrien sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I'm not myself today."

"What's wrong?" Kagami asked.

Adrien shrugged. It's not like he could tell her, as much as he wanted to. He envied Marinette's time with Luka - Adrien could tell Luka how tired and sore he was.

Kagami sighed. "Be honest with me."

I can't.

"Look, I'm just tired, and I don't want to go home right now."

"I can understand not wanting to go home," Kagami said. "But you told me you wanted to hang out, but you don't."

"I do want to hang out!" Adrien said. "I enjoy your company, Kagami. Even when I'm tired."

Kagami made a noncommittal sound.

"Come on, I can't help it if I'm a little worn out," Adrien argued.

"You could have been more upfront about your intentions," Kagami replied. "It feels like you only seek me out when avoiding your father."

"That's because I'm always avoiding my father!"

"You told me this was date," Kagami insisted.

Huh?

"When did I do that?" Adrien questioned.

"When you approached me about this afternoon," Kagami said. "You said, 'would you like to go to the cafe with me after school?' I inquired if it was a date, and you said yes."

"I... don't remember that," Adrien admitted.

Kagami huffed. "I would have said yes, even if it wasn't. Which this clearly isn't."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you-"

"Save it."

Kagami grabbed her bag and stood up.

"I'll see you later, Adrien."

.

Kagami let the door to the cafe close loudly behind her.

Of course it wasn't a date, Kagami scolded herself. He was half asleep when he said it was. He didn't mean it.

She marched down the street, forcing back the embarrassment she felt. She had presumed, once again. She was always too fast, too quick, and it always backfired.

After the day she had today - getting a B on an assignment, having to deal with her mother finding out about it, and then having her favorite part of the day, fencing practice, cancelled - Kagami thought she deserved to be optimistic. When Adrien said yes, this was a date, she didn't even second guess it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Riposte.

Kagami froze, alarmed by the voice in her head.

You've had a tough day today. Your mother thinks your grades are slipping. Your friend was dishonest with you. All you want to do is fence, but even that's been cancelled.

Well, I'm giving you the power to take out your frustrations on all of Paris. All I ask in return...

.

Next Chapter

[1dreality]

My thoughts on Icarus Falls

So after listening to Icarus Falls all week, I have narrowed down the tracks that I like on the album. I agree 27 tracks were not necessary but since I like his voice and when I am on my way to work it passes by quickly... Especially the last three (Fingers, NCNL, Too much) (more so the two features) could have been removed. 

However considering the concept that he was going for, i don’t think a 12 album track would have been enough either to sort of showcase it.

my album cut is:

-Let Me (A skip for me now even though his voice is lovely...Only Zayn or a 90′s r&b crooner can pull off “sweet baby our sex has meaning”. My album starts with Natural...)

-Natural (It should have been the opener of the track.) 

-Back To Life (The beginning... And it’s catchy. The chorus especially)

-Common (I would probably abuse the replay on this one when I am in a sappy mood) (How could critics choose Let Me when Common is there..That’s an R&B jam. This is crooner Zayn. This at a wedding for a first dance.. A winner)

-Imprint (It’s catchy but not one that so far I have had on repeat often. It might grow on me So maybe a skip or a filler track.) 

-Stand Still (One of my favorite. it’s a vibe. Malay came through with the production) 

-Tonight (That song grew on me. At first I was like meh. But then one day it played.. That pre-chorus “BUT LOVE ME TONIIIIIGHT SWEETHEART OF MINE”. A sexy R&B jam.)

-Flight Of The Stars (I like that he played with his lower register when he sings rap on this one)

-If I Got You (That track is my jam from the beginning. I love everything about it. The high notes towards the end. He killed it.)

-Talk To Me (I wonder if Zayn was pissed off when a part of the song leaked back in December/January...From the leaked version, i expected something different. Zayn gave me something to wine on a bit. I love the island/Afro vibe to it. It’s a chill track that I could play while at the beach. They should have come out with this instead of SGT or Let Me as a single. It would have been a perfect summer song. A Dance Hall remix to it would be fire!!! )

-There You Are ( I fuck with it. I am a sucker for an 80′s vibe type of track. Same thing happened with Stockhlom Syndrome... The beat got to me. Also I can’t help but belt out the chorus. I strongly believe that the song is about his mom considering the timing of when he had written it. The lyrics fit with the way Zayn described his mom. This is a catchy POP track. Another missed opportunity for a single that could have been sent to the radio instead of NCNL heck even based on the new music Friday playlist on Spotify it was like number 3.....)

-I Don’t Mind (Another one of my fave. It gives me R&B/Neo-soul vibes. Very chill.)

-Icarus Falls interlude (I thought interludes were supposed to be short....Anyway I love it especially the lyrics and the mood of it. It goes well with the theme of when things turn sour...)

-Good Guy (I love the dark mood of it. His voice &  dark lyrics.. Also the bang bang sample is a plus for me)

-You Wish You Knew (I love it. The chorus is catchy... The way he sings. The tempo... the lyrics “Girl I have a problem” “Don’t wanna put my love there, you don’t wanna make a headline and lose” “Do You hear yourself when you speak?” “I don’t know you like that”)

-Sour Diesel (I like that he experimented but I don’t see myself going back to it often... So maybe another skip/filler)

-Satisfaction (Another Malay track. Love it. The production, the lyrics. The mv that they showed at the listening party better come out.)

- Scripted (Another fave of mine....the concept of it, the lyrics, the mood and the way he sings on that track. Zayn knows how to make people get into their feelings....)

-Entertainer (THAT SONG HAS BEEN MY JAM SINCE HE RELEASED IT IN MAY. I AM HERE FOR SHADY ZAYN!!! HE IS MEAN.. “I’m ashamed for you” savage... Also Id like Zayn in the MV. That Dior suit.....sigh.....)

-All That (I love it. I think that is probably the 2nd uptempo song that I could see playing like at a party. The beat and that high note he previewed on Twitter back in 2017.)

-Good Years (Meh. The lyrics are honest & Zayn’s vocals sell the track. It’s a tear jerker. The sad piano pop ballad...But yeah..)

-Fresh Air (I love the production on it. The lyrics. It sounds like it’s like he is having a conversation. Or he is talking to himself “You could be a changed man if you want”... “tell me you wanna die but you don’t”....“I think I need some fresh air, feeling under pressure, don’t want to talk about it”)

-Rainberry (Reminds me of a song that Maroon 5 would do.. A skip for me even though i like the lyrics)

- Insomnia (Another dark track. Love the lyrics. The way he belts out Insomnia... The album should have ended there. It should have been the closing track...)

-No Candle No Light (if the album had come out in 2017 maybe.. But even then I cannot with that EDM beat that was so popular in 2015-2016. It never should have been on the album. It’s like the odd one out and it’s obvious..)

-Fingers (Fingers is cute but it could have just been a stand alone while we waited for the album. It did not need to be added to the album)

-Too Much (God I was so excited when Timbaland previewed the track. It left me wanting more only to find out that Timbaland basically gave the meat of the track. There is not much to it... So a skip)

In conclusion, the tracks in bold are the ones that I would keep for sure. So my ideal album version of Icarus Falls would have been those 20 tracks. These tracks are going on my playlist.

[perenial]

👀👀👀 6 + culmets

happy belated bday rav!! here’s some nonsensical pre-canon fluff-angst to celebrate 💕

6. “Were you always like this, or did you have to work at it?”

The thing about dating Paul Stamets was that, invariably, he was an idiot. Hugh doesn’t like to think he has a type - he’s a man with a broad taste in men and has the dating history to prove it - but there seems to be a trend when it comes to falling for intelligent guys with no self-awareness. Point to the case: Paul dangling precariously from a hastily rigged pulley system, still reaching for the tiny luminous bloom perched at the very top of his vertical garden.

It’s about thirty degrees warmer in the greenhouse than the rest of the complex; that’s how Hugh justifies the sweat beading on his brow. “You alright there?” he calls, putting on the voice he uses to deal with particularly recalcitrant patients. Paul starts, jolting his harness further from the wall, and swings wildly for a few seconds.

He finally stills, one hand gripping the side of a planter with knuckles so white Hugh can see them from ten feet below. “Don’t do that,” Paul scowls, “I’m working.”

Hugh raises his eyebrows. “Really? Because it looks like you’ve got a death wish.”

“Oh, please,” Paul snorts, staring down at his partner, “if I were trying to kill myself I’d do it much more efficiently.” He turns back to the planter and plucks a sample from the soil, placing the miniscule cap in an equally small test tube. “I thought you were in surgery.”

“Goldstein has it covered,” Hugh says. He reaches over and tugs at Paul’s rig, jerking the harness to get his attention. “Come on, let’s get lunch.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Paul.”

“I’m not!” Paul insists, pocketing his sample and pulling himself over to the next planter. “Go ahead, I’ll be finished in ten minutes. I’ll meet you there.”

Hugh takes a deep breath and resists the urge to commit matricide.

“Were you always this stupid,” he says instead, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms, “or did you have to work at it?”

Paul swings around. “What?”

“I want to have lunch with you,” Hugh says, slow and deliberate. Paul’s brow, however, is still furrowed.

“Why?”

“Because,” Hugh sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m shipping out tomorrow and I want to spend some time with my incredibly dense boyfriend, but now that I think about it, I don’t even know why I bothered.” He makes for the greenhouse door, irritation budding somewhere behind his ribs. “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait!” There’s a series of concerning clanking noises and Hugh turns back just in time to see Paul drop several feet in free-fall before the harness cinches. He wiggles the rest of the way down to the ground, limbs akimbo, and waves off Hugh’s concern. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

“You don’t have to,” Hugh says, a touch uncomfortable. Paul steps out of the harness and throws it haphazardly to the side; whoever uses the facility next is going to chew him out for that, Hugh knows. It’s not the smartest move, but somehow - and this is how Hugh knows he really has a type - it’s beyond endearing.

Paul walks over to him, eyes set. “Nope,” he says, pressing a quick kiss to Hugh’s cheek. “I’m coming.”

“But -”

“Let’s just go, okay?” Paul mutters, tugging Hugh to the door. He drops off his samples in a nearby specimen container, not even checking if it’s the right one, and swipes his ID card against the reader. The door swishes open, revealing a nondescript hallway like the thousands of others on Deneva - but this one is different. It frames Paul in sterile grey and white, highlighting the shadows under his eyes and the sharp line of his mouth. Quite suddenly, and without any warning, things fall into place for Hugh with the force of a starship at warp.

“You’ve been avoiding this.”

Paul doesn’t pretend this time. “Maybe.”

The anger in Hugh’s chest unfurls into something softer, something laced with a gentleness he knows Paul brings out in him. “You don’t want to say goodbye.”

“Of course I don’t,” Paul says, voice low. His face is carefully blank sans the shift of his eyes tracking Hugh’s features, gauging for a response. “Can we not talk about it?”

There’s a bigger question there, they both know it. Paul ducks his head, a blush blossoming across his skin, and Hugh reaches across the threshold of the doorway to take Paul’s hand in his.

“Okay,” he lies, rubbing his thumb over Paul’s palm. “It can wait.”

[sunken-standard]

Drabble Meme Prompt Fill Number Infinity

Since I had three sets of prompts with significant overlap, I combined them:

Requested by @mistykins06:Dear one. I'm incredibly late to the latest Drabble challenge so I shall throw 86 (You’re cute with glasses)  and 96 (I could’ve gone pro) at you to do with what you will. Love, Mistykins06 Requested by @mizjoely: If you're still taking prompts, 20, 21 & 22 would be fab (together, apart, whatever floats your boat!) - When’s the last time you smiled?/ Stop being such a brat/ If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself Requested by @theleftpill: For the drabble meme - I have no idea what the phrases are since I don't have the original list, so I'm choosing numbers for personal reasons: 86 (You’re cute with glasses ), 20 (When’s the last time you smiled?), 22 (If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself)

Set in The Cheese Stands Alone ‘verse.

"You’re cute with glasses"/ "I could’ve gone pro"/ "When’s the last time you smiled?"/ "Stop being such a brat"/ "If I wanted one, I would have gotten it myself"

"Stop being such a brat and just come back," Molly said, her ancient cordless phone wedged between her ear and shoulder as she refilled the salt shaker.  She always tidied her kitchen when she was using her land line, it was ridiculous.  Who still used a land line anyway? Her one remaining friend from the Tom-era and former colleague 'Meena,' apparently.  Dull.  "Three is old enough to stay home alone for a few hours while you take a shift in the lab.  Just give him a little Benylin and put him in a dog crate with a blanket over it, turn on the telly for some noise, he won't even know you're gone."

Ah yes, the future mother of my children, Sherlock thought dryly.

"Pfft, unfit.  And if I wanted one, I would have got it myself.  No, it's not baby-snatching if you leave something of equal value in the pram, like a puppy or a bag of apples."

He glanced up and she was smiling that little dimply, impish smile of hers.  She was trying to murder him; cause of death—ironically unrequited love and cuteness.

"I'm telling you, the new techs they send in just keep getting worse.  I don't know where they're getting them, but..."  A pause while Meena said something that made Molly's lips twist into a half-smile, half grimace.  "Oh, he was a dope, but at least he's not a creep.  This new one, Gaz—yeah, I know, right?—spent his entire first day staring at my tits like he was trying to make eye contact with them to assert his dominance or something."

He's not going to last long, Sherlock thought darkly.  His eyes drifted to her chest, her bra-less breasts wobbling  rather enticingly under her t-shirt.  Molly would find a way to take care of it, she always did, but if she didn't, he could arrange for 'Gaz' to accidentally fall down some stairs or something else equally violent and debilitating.  One of the many perks of associating with the criminal classes.

Molly snapped her fingers in front of her chest to get his attention, then pointed rather pointedly to her eyes while pursing her lips.  They're up here.

Shit. She'd caught him looking.  And rather than being flustered or flattered or—best-case—ready to throw the phone down and whip her t-shirt over her head to let him have a go at them, she just looked annoyed.

She laughed at something Meena said and went back to tidying the worktop.

*

"Ugh, my ear feels like it's going to fall off," she said, flopping down next to him on the sofa.  It was a Herculean effort not to watch her breasts bounce as she did it; now that she knew he looked and she wasn't happy about it, it was all he wanted to do.  Well, more than he normally did, which, to be fair, was a significant amount of time anyway.

He looked at her ear, instead, which was quite red from where it had been pressed to the phone for the last hour and change.

"Now you know why I don't like lengthy phone conversations."

"You don't like any phone conversations," she contradicted, pulling that scornful face of hers that made her look like she should be wearing a ball gown, surrounded by birds and anthropomorphic mice and talking teapots.

"Texting is easier."

"Not when I'm in the middle of a post-mortem."

"That's why you have assistants."

"I have assistants to assist with the post-mortem. Not to answer questions like, 'Could you, in theory, fit three Walnut Whips in your mouth at once?'  Though really, can't complain about that one, the next day I had seven of them on my desk because apparently Ann told everyone in the department and they all wanted to know.  So, I mean, free chocolate.  Oh, don't make that face."

"What face?  This is my normal face."  He might have been making a face; that text was actually supposed to be private, since it wasn't for a case and more a matter of personal curiosity.  He'd also been eating a Walnut Whip at the time and was having other, entirely less innocent thoughts about her eating one, too.

"Well, yes, but it's a glower.  When's the last time you smiled?"

"Yesterday, though it may have just been wind," he answered dryly.

It had the desired effect; she couldn't help herself and snorted.  Molly loved a fart joke.  Maybe he could get her to watch some Monty Python again later.  

*

"I really wish Meena would come back.  She was so good at her job—no accidents, always there on time, never ran the wrong tests on the wrong samples.  And she was so much fun!  She was the one who dared me to wear her glasses when they did the new ID badge photos.  We were talking about how no one ever checks them anyway and I could probably wear a clown nose and a rainbow wig and no one would even raise an eyebrow," Molly said, her tone wistful.  

"Mm, always wondered why you had them in that picture," he murmured distractedly, deftly applying a second coat of red varnish to her middle toenail.  Being her stand-in girlfriend wasn't all bad all the time; at least he got to be physically close to her and she talked to him. "You look cute with glasses."

Bollocks, he thought.  He hadn't meant to say that out loud.  He hoped she'd just take it as a girlfriend thing, like telling her her hair was on point or those shoes were hot or whatever it was women said to each other to be supportive.

"Oh, ah, thank you," she said.  It was almost a question.  

"You're welcome?" he answered, making it a question himself.

He finished applying the varnish in excruciating silence; he was very aware of Molly watching him as he picked her foot up off his lap to blow on her still-wet nails.  It was a heavy moment.

"You're, ah, really good at that.  Pedicures, I mean," Molly said, her voice strained.

"Had a case once for a nail salon owner.  Industrial espionage, more or less—well, less, more than more, they had their own line of varnishes and care products that were being tampered with.  Learned how to do it there.  She said I could've gone pro.  I even got to keep the tips," he babbled, realizing he'd been swiping his thumb over Molly's ankle.

"Just the tips?" Molly asked, and he really wasn't sure if she was making a sex joke or asking a genuine question; he swallowed hard against the implication of the former and the very vivid image his brain supplied him with.

"Actually got a bottle of nail varnish, too.  I used it in an experiment.  It was purple."  I carried a watermelon.

Good thing she didn't know he'd actually seen (and liked) Dirty Dancing; he could at least maintain the illusion of having a working pair of testicles. There had to be an appropriate joke in there about the colour blue as well, but he was having a hard time (ha) thinking past the smoothness of her skin.  She'd shaved just the night before.

"How is your ankle, by the way?" he asked, changing the subject to something safe.

"Much better, barely feel it now.  Bruising's almost gone," she said too quickly, grateful that the conversation was moving away from weird, at least.

"I see," he said, pushing up her trouser leg under the pretence of inspecting her ankle.

"I mean, you can still wait on me hand and foot and carry me up the stairs, if you're still feeling guilty," she joked. "Wouldn't mind a bacon butty right now.  Or a glass of wine.  Or both."

He turned to her with a look of appalled affront at her gustatory choices, then let it drop.  "Actually, do you have any bacon in? I'm a bit peckish myself."

"No, but I've still got plenty of cheese."

"Grilled cheese it is, then.  Goes better with the wine, anyway," he said, easing himself out from under her feet.

*

"Mm, God, this is gorgeous," she said, using her finger to swipe a gooey string of cheese off of her chin.  "Since when do you know how to cook things that aren't potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous?"

"I'm a man of many talents," he said before biting into his own sandwich.  Using the sliced apple in it had been a stroke of brilliance if he did say so himself.  "I know how to both boil and fry an egg, too," he added.

"With skills like that, you'll make some lucky woman very happy one day," she said lightly.  "You can certainly fill out an apron." She gave him an amused mock-leer from where she was leaned against the sink with her plate.

The apron was rather ridiculous, but he wasn't going to ruin a £300 shirt with grease splatter.

"Well, if you ever come across a woman who doesn't mind the occasional potentially explosive or otherwise hazardous dinner, enjoys solving crimes, and can provide me with human body parts for experimentation, then do give her my number," he said, skirting the edge of actually flirting by injecting just a hint of sarcasm into his tone. It was either that or drop to his knees and beg her to just give him a chance to make her happy; he'd rather not ruin the evening, though.

"I don't know, a woman like that sounds awfully dangerous.  Probably has a few bodies buried in her back garden.  Could have had an ex-boyfriend that was a criminal mastermind.  Maybe he's even buried in her back garden."  She smirked before taking a bite of her sandwich.  

He was hit with the memory of when he'd told her Moriarty was dead and she needed to do something with the body until Mycroft could arrange disposal; Shall I just bury him in my back garden, then? had been her incredulous response.  Hadn't been nearly as amusing at the time.

Wait, was she flirting?  Or was she just going along with the joke?

"I like a woman who knows her way around a shovel.  Graverobbing's always much more fun with two."

"I thought that was housebreaking."

"That too. Lots of things are better with two.  Vandalism, confidence tricks, footraces, most board games..."

"Sex," she supplied.

"Probably," he agreed.

He could almost hear the needle scratch across the vinyl before she scrutinized him.

"I mean, with one person it's not really sex as such and three or more is just too many, so two for sex.  Two is the magic number there. Two people.  Having sex," he stumbled to clarify, anything to cover the fact that he had no first-hand knowledge of the act.  

"Ohhh-kay."

And it was going so well there for a minute.

*

"Sherlock," she said, pulling her calves away from his still-cold feet.

"Hm."

"If I, ah, ever did meet a woman like you described before, or, I mean, someone I thought you might like, would you, ah, ever want me to introduce you?  Because, I—I would."

"Thank you, but no."

"Women not your area, married to your work, right."

"No, that's just what I tell John when asks annoying, invasive questions." Because it was dark and he was turned away from her and there was always something about the night-time that made confessions easier, he said it.  "To be quite honest, I'm not interested in meeting any women.  I've already met one and I can't really imagine anyone else being able to hold a candle to her."

"Oh," she said quietly, sadly.  "If you, ah, ever want to talk about it, I mean, it must be hard to keep up long distance for so long..."

Long distance?  What was she—oh.  Irene Adler, John's blog and the lie he'd told about the witness protection scheme in America.  

Really though, what he had with Molly could be considered long distance; the other side of the bed may as well be the other side of the world for all the distance between them.

"It can be trying at times, but every moment I do get with her is precious," he said sincerely.  It was probably a cruel thing to do to make her think it was someone else, but maybe, just maybe, if he could get his feelings out like this, he could tell her the truth someday.  Or else he was shooting himself in the foot.

She reached over and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

"I'd spend every hour of every day with her if I could.  Sleep next to her every night.  Apart from the cold feet, I don't think she'd mind."

"She probably doesn't mind the cold feet as much as she pretends to," Molly said, her voice taking on that gentle, heartbreaking tone of hers when she was clamping down on her own misery to ease someone else's.  

He'd maybe made a bit of a mistake, miscalculated how deeply buried the feelings she used to have for him still were.  He didn't want to hurt her.

He wiggled backwards a bit and pressed his feet against her again; this time to the outside of her leg, one foot from her ankle to mid-calf, the other above it.

"Or maybe she does mind it, but she puts up with your bullshit because she loves you too much anyway," Molly said, poking him in the back.

His heart sped up with the thought of Molly loving him in return; what a wonderful thing that would be.

"I do sometimes wonder if she does.  She's never said it.  Not in so many words, at least."

"Have you ever said it to her?  I mean, assuming you do love her, which it sounds like you do."

"Oh, I do.  More than I ever thought possible.  Never found the right moment to actually tell her, though.  The timing's always bad."

"Mm. Yeah."  A pause.  "I'm sure you'll find the right time and the right words one day."

"One hopes," he dismissed.

They settled back down to sleep, both lost in their own thoughts.  

"Molly—"

"Hm?"

"Goodnight." He just couldn't do it.  Wanted to, but couldn't.

One day.

[wizcrdingheadcanons]

Excessively Detailed Headcanon + Draco Malfoy + Any Admin 😃❤️❤️❤️❤️

Admin = Chloe :)

What does their bedroom look like?Slytherin Green … Duh! Draco is a big believer in house pride so his room is a combination of greens and silvers, his ‘pride’ possession is his green fluffy beanbag that he hid in his cupboard so that his Father wouldn’t find such a “muggle piece of filth” in the manor.

Do they have any daily rituals?Although Draco has to act all snobbish in public and around his Father he gets up really early every morning and sneaks down to the kitchen where he sits and chats with all the house elves as they make him hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and marshmallows.

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?The only exercise Draco would ever even consider doing id Quidditch, he flys every day and - if he does say so himself - he is quite toned and fit because of it.

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?The kitchen was never busy in the Manor, neither his mother nor father ever entered it and the house elves had their own kitchen in the basement where they cooked all of the food. This meant that Draco had free reign of the room, when he was younger he would create a mess everywhere while making milkshakes, cakes, cookies etc. Nowadays, he cooks more refined meals but ever once in a while indulges on the foods of his youth.

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)oohhh Draco is big on everything being clean, if things aren’t clean then it makes him feel dirty. He’s definitely not opposed to cleaning himself, he doesn’t care who does it as long as it’s not left in a state. His draws are organised and desks pristine, tbh he’s a pretty big germaphobe and hates untidy areas.

Eating habits and sample daily menuDraco isn’t one to eat loads, he has a very bad sweet tooth and, if he could, he would eat all the dessert at the table in the Great Hall. He especially loves Strawberry Ice-Cream and Chocolate Cake. He enjoys eating his breakfast really early, lunch at midday and his dinner fairly late.

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting timeDraco isn’t a big fan of wasting time, he likes being productive and getting as much done as possible, he HATES it when working in a group and others in the group are just sat there wasting time when they should be involved and helping the group instead of doing nothing.

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulgingDraco is all for indulging, he loves it. His fave indulgence is most definitely Strawberry Ice-Cream, or buying himself a bunch ingredients and baking whatever comes to mind. 

Makeup?ngl, he had tried it before. When he was younger he used to raid his mothers make-up and play dress up, Narcissa found it hilarious while Lucius would stand there and pout at the actions of his son. Also, who’s going to know if he wears foundation and concealer to make his face look like perfection?!

Neuroses? Do they recognise them as such?Draco knows that he has some issues, he’s depressed a lot of the time  - all he wants to do is act like a normal teenage boy and not a stupid pureblood ponce. His anxiety is the worst though, he’s expected to be this perfect pureblood son, but that’s now who he is.

Intellectual pursuits?Draco wants knowledge, he craves it, although not in the way most may believe. Draco has a fascination with muggles and their technology, just the idea alone of a telephone excited him. He wants to learn all he can about muggle scienes, technology, math. He has hundreds of books which he asked the House-Elves to get for him in a secret library hidden via Elf magic in his room.

Favorite book genre?Don’t tell anyone but Draco is a big fan of romance novels, like the really mushy, lovey-dovey ones that make you cringe when you read them.

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?bi-sexual, he’s attracted to both genders and although he didn’t share his preference to boys until later in his life he’s always known how he felt and what he liked in terms of a partner. Although he was brought up in a strictly heterosexual environment and that is all he knew, when he went to Hogwarts his opinion changed drastically and he learnt to accept every type of orientation and know believes in all of them and that it doesn’t matter what you’re sexual orientation is, as long as you’re happy.

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)Draco is allergic to peanuts and raspberries, that’s about it for physical abnormalities tbh.

Biggest and smallest short term goal?Draco’s biggest short-term goal is to get a black Labrador puppy, and his smallest is to change the colours of his room because although he loves Slytherin colours his favourite colour is Black and that’s what he wants his room to be.

Biggest and smallest long term goal?Biggest long term goal is to get his own flat with money that he earns, he doesn’t want to use any of his trust fund or the family money, he wants to earn it all himself and have something that he can feel proud of, because he bought that flat and earnt the money off his own back. Then his smallest long term goal is to grow his hair out so that he can tie it in a man bun or a low ponytail.

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dressHe just like to look fashionable tbh, as long as he looks good and his clothing is suitable for the event/day then he’s all set.

Favorite beverage?MILKSHAKESS - specifically strawberry.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?Draco is an insomniac so rarely sleeps, his mind is always awake and thinking of new ways he could include muggle technology into the magic world, or a crazy idea for a new spell/potion.

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?Draco was a pretty sickly child, he was very susceptible to colds and the likes. He had dragon pox when he was younger, of course he had to be difficult and have an allergic reaction which caused him to stay at St.Mungos for a couple of weeks.

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?Turn-offs are things like bad manners, bad fashion sense, just rude and impolite and then turn-ons would be like good hair (i know i know), good sense of humour, small frame, stubborn - basically Hermione ;)

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?Draco would just doodle and write down any ideas he had, cool inventions anything really.

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?Draco Malfoy is organised af! If anything is unorganised then it stresses him the hell out and he NEEDS to sort it out before he can eve think of doing anything else.

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?In terms of magical subjects, he’s best at either Spell creation or potions. Then on the muggle side of things, he’s getting exceptionally good at maths, physics and chemistry.

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?Living in his own place in muggle London, making a name for himself - his own name, not one that was handed to him because he’s a Malfoy.

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?He’d love to travel the world if his muggle/magical dreams don’t work out!

What is their biggest regret?Joining the death eaters, just everything to do with the prejudice against others. He wishes that he’d never listened to his Fathers drabble about muggles ad the likes, he wishes that he had stood up for himself and listened to his heart, followed his own beliefs instead of trying to please a man that was veering him down a path worse than death.

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?Best friend would probably be Blaise Zabini, Blaise didn’t get himself involved in teh war and tried to stay neutral. Draco admires him for that, plus the two of them are like brothers and share everything with each other, knowing that the other would NEVER betray their trust. His worst enemy is funnily enough his father, he didn’t change after the war and if it weren’t for his father then Draco wouldn’t have been dragged into the hole of darkness.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)Panic for a couple of seconds and then snap himself out of it and call people to help, before trying to tackle it himself while he waits for people to arrive.

Reaction to sudden interpersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)He’d be really angry and unwilling to talk to anyone. For a while he’d become really depressed and broody, not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. His mother would always help him heal, she was always there for him and tried to assure that he didn’t fall to deep.

Most prized possession?The fluffy green beanbag that Narcissa got him when he was younger, contrary to popular belief Narcissa ventured into - and loved - the muggle world regularly.

Thoughts on material possessions in general?He has a lot of them, he’s not opposed to the idea because obviously he’s grown up with them his whole life.

Concept of home and family?He was brought up to believe that family was everything, that you weren’t to betray them etc, he realised over time that family are those you choose. He loves his mother dearly, and she him. The two of them were like two peas in a pod and she looked out for him as much as she could. After realising what Lucius had done, Draco refrained from addressing him as Father instead calling him Lucius. The manor was never really a home, more like a prison and later on a literal prison. Hogwarts was his home, like so many others in Slytherin.

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)Most definitely a private person, he hates people knowing too much about him unless they’re really close.

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?Draco doesn’t consider any of the activities he does a ‘waste of time’, he likes to believe that everything he takes part in has a significance and is productive in some way, shape or form.

What makes them feel guilty?Letting people down, or promising someone something and being unable to complete the promise. It makes him feel like he could’ve done better, or that he’s failed that person and, as a result, himself.

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?Definitely analytical, although for certain decisions he’s extremely emotional - especially when it concerns those he cares about.

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?Ohhh, it definitely depends on the situation that he is put in. He’s a mix between both the personalities tbh.

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?Sugar, he has such a sweet tooth!

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?Draco does have a superiority-complex, he had tried his best to tone it down over the years but sometimes it can creep out.

How misanthropic are they?Pretty misanthropic, he dislikes socialising but knows that in order to succeed he needs to be sociable and push down that part of him.

Hobbies?Muggle Sciences, Quidditch, watching movies etc 

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?He went back to Hogwarts for his ‘8th year’ so that he could sit his NEWTS without the horror of the war looming over him, he also attended a muggle university a few years later after teaching himself all the materials and taking online GCSE and A-Levels. He’s a fan of both forms of education.

Religion?Draco is not religious.Superstitions or views on the occult?Obviously believes in the supernatural … he is a wizard … He’s not a fan of divination though and doesn’t believe that people can tell the future.

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?Deeds, he hates speaking to people about his thoughts as he considers them private. He also enjoys doing things anonymously because he doesn’t want people to think he’s try to rise to to top, so to speak, by throwing around the ‘Malfoy money’

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?Any gender, preferably long hair, small frame, petite, nice smile, funny, caring, formidable, smart, interesting, shares the same hobbies, doesn’t care about blood-status (could be a muggle for all he cares) and just a generally nice person. He does like dark hair and tan skin though!

How do they express love?Many may not believe it but Draco is a very affectionate person in private, he loves cuddles and holding hands, small chaste kisses. He enjoys giving gifts and just telling them that he loves them.

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?Draco doesn’t fight, he’d much rather just walk away instead of risking getting hurt himself or hurting someone else. If he has to then he will resort to spells as a defence but he would never throw the first punch unless he had a good enough reason.

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?Yes, he is rather afraid of dying. He accepts that he will but that doesn’t make him any less afraid, he hates to think that he may die and leave behind those he cares about, what if he never sees them again? 

Send us a EDH + character! 

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season five, episode nine: THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION.

I feel duped and lied to.

I got my hopes high as hell for two hours of Vanderpumpy goodness this week, instead, they did us dirty by transitioning without our permission into Summer House. I am not interested in watching Summer House, no thank you1. Bravo, why do you think you can do things like this and we’re just going to go along with it? You are not my dad, you can’t drag me into situations just because you need to look good and you’re afraid of being alone (hint: it’s probably because you’re gonna die alone). Enraged does not even begin to cover my feelings.

Stassi is dealing with a delayed hangover - you know, you wake up feeling hunky dory and think it’s all cool and then two hours later your body is like HA HA HA YOU WERE JUST STILL DRUNK HEEEEEERE’S YOUR HANGOVER. Katie is physically incapable of using a lighter to open her bottle of Corona they’re enjoying in their hotel room, and managed not to get full on Tequila Katie, only halfway. I wonder which half - it appears the un-abusive half is the one she was last night. Katie just wants Stassi to find a man because of course, Katie is the type who thinks Stassi’s happiness revolves around having a man in her life. I hate you, Katie. Katie tries to coach Stassi, who’s showing all of the worst sides of herself - she’s into murder, she likes online shopping, she only cares about getting blowouts and poor spray tans - because she realizes a woman is only worth something when she’s in a relationship with a man.

Just kidding, it’s because she wants Stassi out of her face.

Back in Sonoma, the RV is a mess, and it’s only day two. The place is a pigsty that smells enough to make someone gag, Brittany and Jax are bickering about repacking their bag, and it’s hilarious. Brittany cannot stop flipping out and Jax cannot stop gaslighting. Ariana’s concerned that they’ve lost any sense of humanity they had and that joke is far too easy for me so we’re just going to moooooove right along. The water isn’t working and Brittany is freaking out, and Jax is a terrible boyfriend. He hands her water bottles and talks down to her constantly. Ugh, Jax.

Kristen has never heard the term WASP. In case you were wondering what a WASP is, it stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant - according to Wikipedia, it means “an informal, sometimes disparaging term for a closed social group of high-status and influential white Americans of English Protestant ancestry. It is also sometimes applied to those of Scottish Protestant and Irish Protestant ancestry. The term applies to a group who control disproportionate financial, political and social power in the United States.” Basically, Kristen has probably met a ton of WASPs - Irvine, Laguna Beach, Orange County and Newport Beach are the hubs for WASPy behavior in California - but she probably just thought “wow, what an icy bitch.” Kristen, you know what a WASP is. Don’t be an ignoramus.

Then again, every time there’s a bee around Kristen’s probably like “god damn WASPs, Montauk is full of them!”

In front of the pool, Stassi tells them that the twins from Summer House have invited them to a clam bake, and none of them know what a clam bake is. Y’all, it is INHERENT IN THE NAME. Stassi googles it, but none of the girls are really hyped about it because they’re from California. Scheana is the worst kind of person because she doesn’t like seafood2 because when you have witch nails it’s hard to eat food. This is her actual logic for not liking seafood, that and she doesn’t like “cracking things open”.

At NASCAR, they drink a lot, eat poorly3 and Tom Sandoval asks a NASCAR driver to sign his flat iron because of Traditional Masculinity Reasons. I will never understand the appeal of watching a car go in circles over and over again. Even the Monte Carlo Grand Prix seems like it’s just a place for rich people to go and be seen and not give a shit about cars going around and around and around. BOOORING. Then again, most sports bore me. Is NASCAR a sport? This seems like it’d be a debate between two people I hate. Tom Schwartz asks if either Ariana or Brittany would be willing to flash anyone so they can get other stuff, and Jax is basically like “BRITTANY WILL BECAUSE I BOUGHT THOSE BOOBS.”

Jax Taylor is unequivocally a piece of fucking shit.

We’re reminded of that clip from last season when Brittany’s talking about her boob job, and she only wanted a large C, small D, and coked-out, crazy-eyed Jax wanted TRIPLE-D BOOBS4 and rants about how he’s paying for them, so he should get what he wants. I never mention Brittany’s body on this blog because she does get body shamed a ton, particularly over social media - but her having those huge fake boobs (Didn’t she wind up compromising and getting DDs?) isn’t making her look any smaller, particularly on top. Those boobs are too big for her body, and she was probably right to want a large C, small D cup. But how like a man to a) want huge boobs without considering the actual physical ramifications of them5 and b) to insist that because he paid for something, he gets to show it off. Yes, that’s true, Jax. But that’s like giving a dress as a gift to someone and getting angry if they don’t wear it every time they see you. You gave it to them, which means you reneged all rights to comment on what they do with them. Jax needs to learn the word “Agency”, the one that isn’t preceded with “modeling”. Ariana is horrified by this behavior and tells Brittany she needs a new boyfriend. She’s right.

Back in Montauk, Kristen doesn’t know if it’s a “black-tie clam bake”, four words that have never been used together, and Stassi and Katie are being the sad married couple they’re going to be in a few years when Tom Schwartz leaves Katie. Katie calls Lisa because she’s still Lisa’s “assistant”, and Lisa gets her dig into Stassi early. Lisa needs paint, dress samples, and Stassi can only focus on the fact that Lisa didn’t wish her a happy birthday.6

In Sonoma, The Group is on a Ferris wheel, Tom and Ariana are making out, and they’re all kind of like “this trip is the best!” I literally am terrified of Ferris Wheels, the idea of being that high up and going SLOWLY scares me. I’m okay with rollercoasters, but fuck Ferris wheels.

In Montauk, the girls show up for a clam bake, and even I was like “Oh. Wow.” It’s on a beach with lanterns and all sorts of fun time goodness, like a gorgeous table, and champagne, and I want to go to this party. Stassi, in a talking head that I can only hope was filmed after Katie’s wedding, calls it “the prettiest wedding she’s ever been to.” I have this feeling it was, and I’m fueled by this level of shade. Is it bad that I want Stassi and Katie to have another falling out but this time it’s Katie’s fault and her life becomes a shambles? Is that too much to ask for?

They meet the cast of Summer House - Cristina, Kyle, Carl, the twins, et al - and Stassi’s thrilled because it’s attractive, well-dressed young men, which is the opposite from the old guy who tried to buy her a shot last episode. All the Montauk people talk about how despite it being Sunday, they all have to work the next day and are having Sunday Funday Better Than A Monday Can Only Do It One Way And That Is The Drunk Way7 and Scheana’s like “what? You guys have 9-5s? That suuuuuucks for you.” Scheana, you’re a 30-year-old waitress still holding onto a pipe dream of either becoming a pop star or Instagram famous, you literally could not get a job like these people. Don’t get me wrong - there’s great money in the restaurant industry and seasoned servers are to be respected... but I feel like that’s the wrong thing to be morally superior about.

The food is served buffet-style and it all looks delicious - one of the twins is horrified when Scheana admits she doesn’t like fish - and they all sit down to dinner outside on the beach. Stassi gets my dream birthday gift, a magnum of rosé8, and Stassi’s never felt more at home. I really feel like Stassi should have tried harder in New York - I get it, she got wrapped up in her boyfriend during cuffing season - but had she stayed, she probably would still be there and still be the Stassi we loved. Go baaaack, Stassi, go baaaack. I'll be your friend here, I don't have any! Scheana and Kristen sit at the table and turn their noses up to the seafood - Kristen doesn’t know the difference between clams and mussels - and Stassi is rightfully offended. My favorite part is when Scheana’s talking about how you should never eat something with claws and CLICKS HER NAILS TOGETHER because Scheana is a lobster. Nah, lobster is great and Scheana is terrible, Scheana’s like my old roommate’s shitty dog that pooped on my carpet twice, was mildly racist (as was my roommate) and was spiky and not fun to pet. That’s Scheana.

This episode keeps bouncing back and forth between Sonoma and Montauk, but basically, the RV’s full of shit. They overloaded the RV with their clogged toilet. According to Schwartz, it was probably Jax, because he doesn’t know what the “three-sheet-rule” is. If you’re using more than three sheets of toilet paper to wipe yourself, I’m really concerned. Both for you and for your septic tank. The group all jokes about how combative Jax is towards Brittany - they all make fun of him for being a dick and Brittany’s just happy that her feelings are being recognized as valid by others. Brittany is too good for these people and this show and sometimes it makes me sad.

Hot Carl tells Stassi her eyes are gorgeous, and they start talking about: Carl not liking blondes, pubic hair, and whether anyone in the group is dating or has slept with each other. Kristen just goes “so who here has banged?” and for the first time, I may... love Kristen now? Two people are dating, Katie, Scheana, and one of the twins are the only ones that are married or close to it. Stassi’s break up with Patrick is brought up and she starts crying again. Basically, Stassi’s living in fear that if they break up permanently, she might wake up in a year and regret it. Jesus, Stassi. Yes. That could happen. But is it worth the turmoil and the on-again, off-again mishegas? I don’t think so. If you wake up in a year having been separated and want to give it a chance, try it if you’re both single. But don’t let it cripple you. Stassi can’t even bring herself to swipe on anyone on a dating app, that’s how crippled she is. Katie suggests that she just needs someone to grab her boob or needs to give an OTPJ (over the pant hand job, which I had no idea existed until just now).

They’re still happy they don’t have normal jobs so they can’t afford to rent houses in Montauk, though. They feel great that they can’t rent a summer house for their lives. Katie asks who she’s interested in - Stassi rejected Carl because he made fun of her for being on a dating app, but is considering Kyle because he’s cute. And he is. Which means this will end well.

In Sonoma, Brittany’s learning what “charcuterie” means - I guess Sexy Unique Restaurant doesn’t have a meat and cheese course - and Ariana orders pasta and everyone’s thrilled for some reason. Ariana thinks Jax gets off on annoying Brittany, and Tom Sandoval brings up the fact that Jax really just wants Brittany to sit at home, pregnant and barefoot, making him sandwiches. Well, not exactly. He brings up the fact that Jax complains about expecting a sandwich waiting for him.

Jax is supporting Brittany on his own (even though she has a full-time job and says she gives him money) so he feels like he’s allowed to treat her whichever way he wants. Jax was born in 1937 so of course, he has archaic ideas about gender and relationships. Tom Sandoval makes a great point, the same one I made before: you can’t talk to your girlfriend like that, and gifts are not leverage. Jax cannot get over the idea that he deserves a sandwich and says if someone was doing for him what he was doing for Brittany, he’d give them whatever he wanted.

Dear Jax,

Brittany moved from Kentucky to be with you.  She had nothing, no friends, no life in Los Angeles, and gave it all up to be WITH YOU. Without you, she’d be nowhere. You made the decision to support her and she’s doing all she can - we see her doing housework constantly while you sit around and bicker with her.

She’s not becoming “one of these LA girls”, like you said. She’s just not letting you treat her like shit anymore, and neither are the people around her. You can’t make her feel bad when you opted to do something. You made the choice to support her, that doesn’t mean she has to be under your thumb all the time.

Love and hate,

Amanda

Jax thinks Tom Sandoval is trying to give him relationship advice when really, Tom’s just calling Jax out for shitty behavior. Jax is forever the victim and doesn’t understand why he’s the jerk right now. Really, Jax? You’re bringing up issues in your relationship with Brittany in front of a table of your friends with the intention of making her look bad. He’s bothered by her becoming “an LA girl” because he thought he was getting a Southern Belle he could just walk all over like it wasn’t anything.

Jax clearly knows nothing about the women of the South, and what they’re capable of. I don’t doubt Brittany’s the girl who puts a smile on when something bad happens and then behind closed doors is like “THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?” Brittany is great. Jax is terrible.

They all cheers to the great weekend, and of course, Lala comes up again. Basically, they all think she sucks out loud, and Ariana mentions that Lala unfollowed her on social media. OH NO. Ariana decided to be Petty LaBelle and unfollows her right back. This right here? It’s happening. Get into it, drama.

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Lala came to talk to Lisa. Lala turned her phone off all weekend and go radio silent, and also refers to herself in the third person. Lala, stop making it so easy to not like you, I want to like you so much. I do understand this, though. There have been days when I put my phone on airplane mode, silenced everything, and laid in the dark for a while. But I also was massively and cripplingly depressed at the time, not trying to get out of going to a NASCAR race. Lisa’s pissed that she gave Lala time off for vacation but she didn’t go to the vacation, which is none of her business. Lala ditched the vacation because she didn’t feel comfortable around Jax and the fact that The Group cannot keep her name out of their mouth. Lisa, who is a grown ass adult woman, is like, “I hope Lala’s not dating a married man because I feel bad for his wife and she’s better than that” instead of being like “As her employer, it is none of my business whether Lala is dating married man or not.” She feeds into the scandal but doesn’t even give consideration to the fact that it could be untrue. Lisa is a queen but a terrible, terrible boss. Wasn’t she sued by a former employee for creating a hostile work environment? Lala has grounds for a great lawsuit on her hands, considering it all was caught on camera. Lala maintains it’s no one’s business because it isn’t. Lala thinks that because people don’t believe her, it’s better to be aloof than to engage, and pretends it’s an acting job. Girl, this is your life, though.

Lala’s basically going to Lisa, saying “I need to be able to work without people calling me a whore,” and Lisa’s all but saying “I could if I wanted to, but didn’t you bring this upon yourself?” Lala tries to quit, thinking it’s best for her, and she’s right. Lisa’s like, “when you’re a queen, people are trying to bring you down.” Lisa basically reminds her that if she leaves, she’s letting all the shit-talkers win, and she’s better than that. She needs to go out there, stand tall, and not give AF. Lala decides not to quit and isn’t quitting today, but that’s not to say much about tomorrow.

Back in Montauk, Kyle9 keeps calling Stassi “Saucy”, which I think is hilarious - her name is short for Nastassia, which he wouldn’t be able to pronounce either - and they’re staying at this gorgeous, huge house in Montauk. It really is gorgeous. Like, a multi-million dollar house. Katie, Stassi, Scheana, and Kristen all arrive and start drinking watermelon margaritas (with a straw for Scheana) and the girls are straight gagged. Kristen thinks she could go into “business” to be able to afford a house like that. Kyle is interested in Stassi.

Back in Sonoma, we find out that Tom Sandoval and Ariana had sex on the trip and the boys go to join them, leaving Ariana and Brittany alone together. They’re both drunk and talking about Jax being a misogynistic asshole. Brittany gets her second vocabulary lesson of the day when she learns what “misogynistic” means - she thinks it means getting massaged. God, by that logic, I wish all men were more misogynistic. I’d be so relaxed all the time. Brittany doesn’t feel appreciated and doesn’t know what to do if he doesn’t change and change soon. What will happen? Jax is gonna get dumped. Brittany eventually calls him out for not feeling appreciated, and Jax wants a turkey sandwich and Brittany makes ham sandwiches and he views that as being underappreciated. Oh, just come the hell on, Jax. He basically just wants her to make him lunch once in a while - and while yeah, I get that, it’s nice, you didn’t have to berate her and talk down to her like she was nothing in front of your friends or make it seem like it was a guilt thing or hold things over her head.

I mean, Jax. She came with you to your surgery and took care of you. If she didn’t appreciate you, she could have just gone to work.

Everyone back in Montauk is changing into their bathing suits, which of course, prompts a discussion about boobs, fake vs. real. Stassi’s high-neck one-piece is my favorite of them all - it’s sexy while literally being covered up and I want it. The married twin tells Stassi that Kyle is into her, and Stassi gets nervous as hell. I would be too, Kyle is going to chop up your body and put it in a freezer. Kyle is wasted in the indoor hot tub and Stassi’s trying to talk to him. It’s not going well - Kyle mentions that he’s trying not to get a boner - and everyone gets up and leaves Kyle and Stassi alone together.

Tequila Katie is out in full force tonight, blowing people with fans, giving Scheana an icing mustache. She literally looks so wasted and Scheana’s upset because her makeup was messed up by her, and I laughed. So hard. She’s like “I even told Shay not to do that at our wedding!” Scheana is so superficial and vain. Back in the hot tub, Stassi’s pumped because this guy is cute and good looking.

AND THIS IS WHERE THE TRANSITION HAPPENED AND THEY FORCED US TO WATCH SUMMER HOUSE. We get a talking head of Kyle talking about how they’ve been drinking all weekend or something. I was too blinded by rage. Kyle’s wasted, though, and couldn’t remember her name. He literally calls her Steve Jobs for wearing a turtleneck bathing suit. My favorite is that you can see Stassi lose interest so quickly and revert to classic sarcastic Stassi. She loses interest quickly and gives him advice as to how to talk to women because the only way this conversation could be worse is if he was literally Patrick Bateman.

Stassi’s Tips:

Remember girls’ names

Listen when they talk

Don’t compare them to Steve Jobs

Do not tell girls you’re excited to see their nipples

They play rosé pong, and Stassi rejoins everyone and recounts the entire conversation about what an idiot he is. He gets called out by Kristen for offending Stassi, and Kyle’s just a drunken asshole. He tries to apologize, Stassi calls him a douchebag and wants him to remember her name.

He literally can barely say it, he’s so drunk.

See you next week!

Random Assessments From The Desk of Amanda:

IT WAS SO HARD TO CONCLUDE THIS EPISODE BECAUSE IT TRANSITIONED INTO SUMMER HOUSE SO SEAMLESSLY. SORRY ABOUT THE WEIRD ENDING.

Kristen looked the best she ever has in this episode.  Actually, everyone looked gorgeous on the beach, even Katie. Less makeup works so well for these women.

I still feel like this Summer House seamless transition is like an IRL hostage situation.

Scheana says “I hate girls’ trips” but she was dying to go on this one. She literally will do anything to be on camera and get attention. Even her mom was like “make sure you’re still a bridesmaid!” when anyone else’s mom would have been like “GET BETTER FRIENDS.”

Katie being like “What would Lala do, Stassi?” is so rude.

I love that the Summer House Twins are “married twin” and “single twin”. The misogyny is real.

THE FIRST EPISODE OF MY PODCAST IS UP. Listen, tell me what you think! Join Hillary & I as we watch ANTM from the very beginning!

I wound up watching fucking Summer House. ↩︎

Yeah, I said it, and I’m sticking to it. If you live on a coast and don’t like seafood, just move to Chicago or something. There is nothing as good to me as Prince Edward Island mussels and a glass of champagne. Unf. now I want to go to Flex Mussels. ↩︎

This food does look like it tastes amazing, though. ↩︎

That’s traditionally known as an “F cup”, in case you were wondering exactly how big those are. ↩︎

looking top-heavy, back pain, skin irritation and rashes, fear of toppling over because you’re so top-heavy, etc, etc. ↩︎

This comment is so early Stassi it made me miss her. ↩︎

Quit reading this blog and go watch You’re The Worst, the best depiction of depression and modern relationships I’ve ever seen. Aya Cash is golden. ↩︎

My actual dream gift would be a magnum of rose champagne. Seriously. I’m very easy to please when it comes to gifts - is it alcoholic or can I write on it? Donzo. Notebooks and wine, that’s the kind of gal I am. My brother gave us beer for three Christmases in a row, so there’s where it comes from. ↩︎

Kyle seems like the type who watched American Psycho and thought Patrick Bateman was a good guy. ↩︎

[geekade]

Turn It Up: New Music Releases for September 2017

Um, excuse me, but where did summer go? Where is this (albeit gorgeous) colder weather coming from? A sure sign it’s fall: new music is abound, as everyone gets those fall releases in. I could venture to guess it’s because Grammy nominations are coming (the most wonderful time of the year, in my opinion), or maybe to promote for some great Christmas presents. Maybe it’s because we’re all heading back inside on these colder-to-come days and will be streaming so much more. Whatever the reason – I’m not complaining. You guys know me by now – there can never be enough music. Let’s check out who’s serving up new albums this month.

Thomas Rhett – Life Changes

Release date: 9/8 I remember being so confused when Sam Hunt said he was only going to do singles, not full-length albums anymore. This, coming from a country artist (in a genre where consumers are still buying physical product – despite the three concerts I went to this summer where there were no CDs for sale…), was surprising. I had hopes that this wasn’t going to start a trend, considering what a top guy Sam is in the industry.

Thankfully, Thomas Rhett has calmed my fears. As one of probably the biggest names in country music today with, easily, one of the most hectic schedules and lives (congrats on the new baby!), he still made a full-length album for our enjoyment. He could have rode on “Craving You” (featuring my girl-crush, Maren Morris) for a little longer, then hopped onto another song. Instead, we’ve gotten a taste of the new songs through steady unofficial single releases via Spotify, and are amped up for the whole thing to drop.

Thomas is “new country” – borderline Bro, incorporates a little rap, but generally is there for the good, sweet backroad times that we honestly look for in this genre. “Unforgettable” (the official second single) is closer to pop, but there’s no denying that little country bump in the backing. I still don’t understand why so many people mention Coldplay these days in their lyrics, but whatever. I want a campfire stat for this one.

The other songs? Well, “Sixteen” will have you all kinds of nostalgic and wishful at once (who knew Thomas was old enough to have this kind of nostalgia, by the way?). We get a surprising love song in the one called “Grave” to melt a bit, and you have to believe that between an adoption and new baby, that one’s for his wife (think the “Die A Happy Man” feels all over again). “Life Changes” is personal and sums up that smile this man carries around.

Oh, and he duets with his poppa, Rhett Akins. Yeah, this is going to be a good ol’ boys record and I can’t wait to hear it from start to finish.

Other 9/8 releases:

Jack Johnson – All The Light Above It Too

Tori Almos – Native Invaders

Ringo Starr – Give More Love

Release date: 9/15

Don’t worry – the backstory I’m about to share with y’all isn’t meant to make you feel bad. I promise I can look back on these memories with some kind of wistful smile.

My mom was the Beatles fan. I mean, I assumed they were the end-all-be-all of music until I discovered Hanson when I was 8 (literally – I assumed every song was written by them, and performed by either them, Frank Sinatra, Elvis, or Celine Dion). We had every album (except the elusive Fan Club Christmas one… someday). We listed to Anthology until even I knew every word and the tapes about wore out.

Ringo was my favorite. Even from an early age, I had to go against the norm and love the drummer (I believe that’s what led me to an odd attraction to good arms, but that’s another article for another time). I also thought he looked to be having the most fun, and the Ringo-written tracks obviously appealed to my only-child colorful imagination. Plus, the man later showed an affinity for Country Music – clearly, the best Beatle.

So when I was… gosh, 10 or so, and the Internet was at my fingertips and we found out he would be touring through Atlantic City with the All Starr Band, it was a no-brainer. We were there. And we were there every other year, when he’d tour again, for 10+ years. I got older and appreciated all of the other songs so much more, and my mom was…. Well, she was 16 again during each show. This made for a weird argument about who he was singing about during “You’re Sixteen” that makes me giggle a little to this day.

I haven’t seen Ringo live since I lost my mother over two years ago (despite his shows in Brooklyn and birthday celebrations in Central Park), but regardless, seeing him continue to release music surrounding all I’ve ever hoped for through music – Peace and Love – never fails to make me smile. If you’re reading this to get an idea of the sounds to come – know that it’s gentle, wonderful, and every bit as Beatles-esque as you could ever want from this living legend (plus the many, many living legends that accompany him on it – seriously, Google it – I’ll give you one name… Paul).

It took me a year to listen to Beatles music again, and even hearing this new music is tough, but worth it. Thank you – both Mom and Ringo – for this musical gift.

Other 9/15 releases:

Foo Fighters – Concrete & Gold

Wyclef Jean – Carnival III: The Rise And Fall Of A Refugee

The Killers – Wonderful Wonderful

Release date: 9/22

The Killers have always mildly fascinated me for some reason, and this fifth album just keeps that interest going. Maybe it’s Brandon Boyd’s drive to make so many projects work and the fact that, in a unique way, he does it. I mean, have you ever heard someone say they don’t like The Killers?

“The Man” takes things to a disco area that takes some time to appreciate – in that, you remember it’s not disco, just the sound of this band bringing those elements into our odd-ball new millennium culture. And on further investigation, perhaps the Kool & The Gang sample in the song may have something to do with it. I dare you not to literally strut down the street to this one.

We mellow out on that sound with “Run For Cover” (which is not really more mellow, but I feel justified by the Bob Marley sample that’s included). It’s quick paced, but more rock based, and there seems to be a general toss-up out there on which of the first two singles were better. This one’s my pick, but I never was a fan of the 70’s sound.

By the way, Ryan Tedder helped produce some of this album. My concept of Indie Pop has completely been shattered, and that’s 100% okay.

The title track is the latest song we’ve gotten to sample, and to be honest the thing that’s starting to interest me most about this album is how all the songs will fit together. These three don’t tie out aside from Boyd’s familiar voice and vocal effects on it. “Wonderful Wonderful” is set to be the opening track, and it does seem to march in and create the same anticipation as I’m starting to have for this late-September release.      

Other 9/22 releases:

Circa Survive – The Amulet

Haley Reinhart – What’s That Sound?

Miley Cyrus – Younger Now

Release date: 9/29

I know, I’m as surprised as y’all probably are that I’m choosing this one to write about, especially with Demi dropping an album on the same day (which, um, timing is weird). But Miley has been intriguing me lately. Obviously, girl lost her dang mind for a few years there, at least by “normal” standards. She did things that were in no way socially acceptable, but definitely owned it.

There’s something about her attitude in recent months though, that seems to show a maturity. Granted, I’m basing this entirely on her music, since I really haven’t kept up with the latest gossip. “Malibu” just has such a, well, nice sound to it. It’s relaxing but there’s something really honest in there about life, so I have to believe Miley is coming around to making adult decisions and, maybe more importantly, realizations.

“Inspired” wasn’t an official single, but it is available to stream in promotion of the new album. It’s sweet and light, and I’ll go ahead and say this – I feel Tennessee in here (there are even moments that you can tell her Godmother, Dolly Parton, really did play a huge role in this girl’s life). Her voice is even slightly crisper (her laziness in enunciation is one of my few vocal complaints about Miley), and the title and feel just all fit together.

The second single is the title track, “Younger Now,” and I guess of the three this is the closest to her persona over the past few years. Even in saying that, the opening line plays: feels like I just woke up, and I have to believe this is Miley finding her way back all while looking ahead. Did anyone expect her to go legitimately deep on us? Did you expect to care this much and want this album in its entirety? Me either. But I do.

Other 9/29 releases:

Demi Lovato – Tell Me You Love Me

Echosmith – Inside A Dream