#and to anyone else who decided to read these tags and now regrets this Bonus Personal Knowledge

[iamindifferenttolamp]

The thing about growing up ace and in a household that didn't talk about taboo things like sex means I had no clue how sexual attraction actually worked

I really believed it was something that had an on/off switch (I don't know why they're treating it like satire, that guy in Book of Mormon is totally right, just Turn It Off...) and obviously I, a good Christian (lmao), was keeping that shit turned Off

And because I was brought up in a world that both said Sex Is A Sin and also Sometimes People Just Can't Help It, that left me super worried that if I ever for any reason let that switch get flipped to On, then I could end up in lust with literally anyone

Like, I have a brother who is a man with a body so if sexual attraction means finding men attractive what if I sexually attraction at my own brother. Like, he's a man, other men are men, what's the difference? How would my body know that that man is not only the list of acceptable targets?

(this may also tie in somehow with the later realization that I not only didn't know anything about sexual attraction, I also had [have] no clue wtf gender is, but that's not important right now)

Anyway that's how I spent some of my teen years absolutely terrified of somehow accidentally seeing my brother naked because in my ace mind the only logical course of events for these allo freaks doing sex everywhere was that seeing a penis = instant incurable horniness

I'm sure this abstinence-only topic-avoidance upbringing has had no lasting negative effects on my psyche

[diavolosthots]

This got really long so i put it under a cut and I'm totally going backward with this series but i cant help myself. I HAVE to start with my husband. Most of these are my own headcanons but please read the warning.

Warning: some of these are confirmed in lessons/devilgrams. If you dont want spoilers, don't read the ones in red. (Also Note: I remember reading all of these either in the game or on the official wiki page but I could not find all the in-game sources if you asked me to. Still, they are tagged as spoilers.)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾DIAVOLO Life Headcanons☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Diavolo’s dad, the Demon King (whom I Headcanon to be named Daemon. I could write headcanons on that guy too?? Lemme know what you guys want) loved Diavolo’s mom dearly and Diavolo was thus a product of pure love, not necessarily just to have an heir. That’s just a bonus. 

Sadly Diavolo’s mom died in childbirth, leaving only the Demon King and Barbatos to take care of him. 

This caused the King to begin resenting his son and Daemon grew cold. Barbatos was, more often than not, the one who took care of little Diavolo, although Diavolo tried desperately to win his dad’s affections, never truly understanding why his father would hate him. 

Diavolo was a rambunctious child and caused a lot of trouble, much to his father’s dismay, and he found himself in trouble a lot. 

On top of that, Diavolo is also highly emotional and it wasn’t until much later that he learned that tears won’t get him anywhere. Barbatos used to give him sweets and tea every time he cried, which was a lot thanks to his dad.

Although the butler did stop this at some point, that’s definitely where Diavolo’s love for tea came from

Barbatos is definitely, and has always been, someone he confided in, and he found it hard to view him as nothing but a ‘servant’, per his dad. It’s not even that his father hated Barbatos or thought of him as lesser than, he just didn’t like that Diavolo confided more in him than anyone else. 

Diavolo definitely had a rebellious phase as he grew up. The mixture of his absent-father’s non-existent love and the responsibilities put on his shoulders from a very young age got too much for him at some point and let’s just say…. Diavolo had a lot of ‘oopsies’ in his ‘teenage’ years. 

If you know, you know. They are no longer among the living. R.I.P. 

People used Diavolo a lot because of this, though. The lack of care and love at home caused a young Diavolo to be naive and trust too easily, getting hurt in the process

Which is why Barbatos now has a torture chamber for the enemies of Diavolo (or people who just want/use him for the wrong reasons)

When Diavolo didn’t try to escape the castle for some love, he found comfort in art and unbeknownst to both his father and anyone else working at the castle, Barbatos helped him build a mini art gallery up in one of the towers where Diavolo still goes for some relaxation or just to think. 

A lot of people backstabbed him as he grew up and even he himself backstabbed a lot of people as well. At some point he saw the hurt he caused and decided to never lie again, and now he’s always telling the truth, albeit he can beat around the bush a lot, and knows for certain when someone else is lying to him. 

At some point, his father forbade him to treat Barbatos as more than a trusted servant and that pretty much solidified his dislike, not hatred, for his father. 

As he grew up into the man he is now, he started to see his dad as more of an authoritarian ruler that works for his own political gain rather than the well being of everyone. The Devildom was never in shambles, or anything, but one could feel a clear hierarchy and there was definitely tension with the other two realms 

His father was actually the one is (somewhat, if not fully) started the war against heaven (not to be confused with the celestial war that the brothers were part of)

Now, he never hated his father, truly. To a certain extent, he actually understood why his father was the way he was. He lost his beloved wife for a son he had to grow a new relationship with. Diavolo never thought his father hated him, either, but one could tell that their relationship was filled with grief, heartache, and even a sense of regret. 

Diavolo never blamed his father, though, and as he grew older, he took certain aspects of his father’s character into his own: loyalty, ambition, and honesty. 

That’s why his father stepped down, but not fully since Diavolo hasn’t been crowned yet. The Demon King is tired; tired of pushing through the days, and Diavolo understands. 

The situation with his parents is also the reason why Diavolo refuses to settle down so easily. He’s scared of both A.) trusting the wrong people again, like he had many times before, and B.) of having the same fate as his father and mother. 

That and Barbatos is highly protective of him lol Good luck getting past the butler if you want to be with the future King. 

One of the main reasons Diavolo keeps up the naive and himbo attitude is also because he never got to be a kid. His father pushed him straight into royal life once he was old enough to comprehend things. 

This does not mean, though, that Diavolo is actually a himbo. He’s quite intelligent and there’s a reason for everything he does. 

Diavolo doesn’t believe in coincidences and is a firm believer in fate; that everything happens as it should and for a reason (A/N: homie is a determinist and that lowkey makes me happy lol)

That’s why he’s perfectly fine taking his time and doing his thing. He likes to have a certain sense of control, of course, but not to the extent that Lucifer does. He’s cool going with the flow as well. 

Speaking of Lucifer, the reason he views him as a best friend and even family is because Diavolo believes he can relate to the absence of a father that’s supposed to be there no matter what

That and because Lucifer is brutally honest. He doesn’t take Diavolo for granted and he certainly doesn’t want Diavolo around for the riches and fame. Diavolo appreciates that a lot. 

Diavolo gets along with pretty much everyone; he’s very adaptable because he has to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily make him an extrovert. As a matter of fact, he’s actually more of an introvert and likes to keep to himself or with a limited group of close friends

Speaking of friends, Diavolo doesn’t have a lot, if any, outside of the brothers and Barbatos. It’s hard to know who to trust when so many people just want to use him or rob him, even strip him of his title. 

Diavolo is very lonely, as a matter of fact, and he hopes, prays even, that he could find a bond with someone, anyone, like Lucifer shares with his brothers. In a sense, he may even be jealous of the seven. 

Although his life was less than peachy, even if he did have everything anyone could ever wish for, Diavolo craves true emotional connections, which is why he clings to Barbatos and Lucifer. 

This, however, doesn’t mean he is helpless. He’s very much an independent, intelligent, and ambitious man, and he is excited for the future, whatever it may hold. 

[jjk-biased]

FATE'S GAMES SPECIAL

*not canon or part of the storyline, sorry 😔✋🏽

smau masterlist

content that didn't make the cut:

— chapter 25 alt end:

𝗶𝗳 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗹 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱

“Daniel Y/L/N,” you gritted out.

“Long time no see, sister.”

The fucking nerve of this guy to even have the face to meet you. He somehow still upheld a small smile, which made you more livid.

“Why are you here?”

“To make amends. Is that too bad?” He shrugged lightly, too casual for your liking.

This was the asshole that had caused you a lot of years of suffering. He was the reason you had to shed blood, sweat, and tears to simply finish your degree in college. He was the root of your problems, the cause of why you had trust issues.

Mainly, he was the reason why the only people you could call your family was the seven best friends who took you in.

“You lost that chance years ago, Daniel!”

You tried your best not to let the anger within you take the wheel. If it did, you were sure you had to leave Seoul with a case of murder stained in your records.

“I’m leaving,” You murmured, snatching Jungkook’s hand and storming off to God knows where.

He followed you wherever you went though. No matter how many turns you took, he was hot on your tail. It took so much in you not to break Jungkook’s hand from the frustration you felt.

“Just give me a chance to explain, sister,” He pleaded.

You finally heard the desperation leak in his tone. Giving up, though not letting your guard down, you allowed it. You gave him yet another chance to redeem himself.

With reluctance, Jungkook left you to talk to Daniel. After reading his last message and texting Hoseok, you closed your phone.

Let’s relive the years of anguish, you sarcastically cheered internally.

“Don’t call me sister. That title died with you three when you moved to America without even so much as telling me,” You breathed out, tears trying their best not to fall from your eyes.

Daniel visibly flinched at that jab. He was a shitty brother after all.

“I… I didn’t mean for it to happen…”

“What a shitty excuse. You didn’t mean for it to happen? What bullshit is that?”

“I never thought they’d take it too far,” He whispered, unable to keep eye contact with you. If he did, he would see how much pain he had caused you.

You chuckled rather sarcastically.

“Yet they did. And you never did anything, did you Dani?” You sneered, the nickname that left your mouth didn’t feel as warm as it did.

Growing up with a traditional family wasn’t something you both could escape from. Your parents had a love-less marriage, meant only to expand whatever business they had.

As first-born, Daniel was expected of a lot of things. Intelligence, charm, and any other business-related characteristic that should help them prosper. But he wasn’t any of those things. He didn’t take interest in the entire idea. Instead of stocks and investments, he wanted modelling. Instead of maths, he wanted fashion.

Neither your mother nor father were having it.

So while he was forced to sacrifice his childhood for your parents, you had the freedom to exercise yours.

He’d be gifted with various accountancy and business related textbooks and would watch as you played with your toys and dolls. He never had those.

Your parents didn’t pay mind to your hobbies. They didn’t mind that you often geeked out at every video game you loved. They were too focused on making Daniel the CEO he will be.

He was angry. He was envious.

But he would be lying if he said he didn’t love you.

You were an empath at heart and would often cheer him up when the pressure was too much. He could still remember when you discovered him breaking down after a certain scolding happened— you dropped everything to rush to his side and say “It’s okay, Dani. I’m here for you.”

The memory of the countless cupcakes you had attempted to make just to make him smile was still etched in his mind. They weren’t the best tasting cupcakes out there, but they were made by you. And it made everything okay.

However, every thread snaps when it reaches its breaking point.

He had reached his— his envy became far too strong than the care had for you.

It was supposed to be a light remark so their parents could give him some sort of leeway in life. But the anger rushed out of his mouth and he couldn’t stop the word-vomit from pouring out.

He watched your parents’ treatment change and had to witness you take the burnt for him. You were now the one they had criticized at every twitch of a finger. They suddenly turned against you, angry at how you “wasted” your life with videogames.

He regretted every single thing he had said.

Perhaps it’s too late now.

“I had no power over them, you know that,” he muttered, taking your silence after he had explained everything as a cue to speak.

“You know… I never really minded them moving to America. But even you left me, Dani,” you croaked out.

“I’m sorry.”

“I became broke when I entered college. I had to work different jobs and eventually stick with the career I have.”

“I’m sorry,” He whispered once again, hands clasped tightly.

“I had no one else to rely on for a few years until my friends showed up,” You sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

It seemed more like a mantra by now. While it wasn’t enough to compensate for each day you had to go by without anyone else, it eased your heart a little bit.

He had also mentioned that he was sent by his parents to fix whatever you two had for the sake of the company. Your fame would bring them benefits, they said. Your brother ignored whatever ulterior motive they had initially planned, and took this chance to finally own up to the shittiest fuck up he had done.

You were thankful for the honesty, sensing that he was true to his word.

“I can’t forgive you immediately, you know,” You reminded, fiddling your thumbs out of anxiety.

“I know. I don’t mind waiting.”

Your brother had finally returned to you.

Jungkook stood beside you as you two waved your brother goodbye. He insisted on holding your hand when you two bid Daniel adieu.

With a heavy sigh, you turned to Jungkook, who had been patiently waiting for you and Daniel to talk it out.

“I’m so—”

He cut you off by tightly engulfing you in his arms. Jungkook softly patted your head as he brought you closer with his other hand.

“I’m glad you’re okay, pumpkin,” Jungkook said ever so gently, resting his chin on your head.

Turning red at his gesture, you allowed yourself to melt in his arms and returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Thank you, kook. I can’t tell you that enough,” You murmured, feeling warm from his gentleness.

He had sadly broken up the hug soon after. It was the first time you’d seen his ears become red but you didn’t point it out.

Clearing his throat, he once again took your hand in his and led you to wherever the others were. He said you might get lost if he didn’t clutch one hand and it would be hard to find you because you were vertically inclined.

If everyone else heard his excuse, they’d definitely say Sure Jan.

You didn’t mind though, actually liking the feeling of his large hands encasing yours.

And if you did mind, you couldn’t actually speak. After all, Daniel decided to leave you with a few parting words that made you embarrassed and rattled.

“You seem to have a crush on your guard dog, N/N.”

Ah you should’ve smacked him when you had the chance. You? Have a crush on Him??? How ab...surd…

You honestly didn’t know anymore. But Jungkook’s hand in yours, you were certain that everything will now turn out fine.

Jungkook’s only problem now was how he’d be able to find the courage to say what he wanted to say earlier.

I like you, Y/N.

But he was content with whatever you two are now, your hands snugly fit with his.

*note: the reason i didn't chose this path is because it seems illogical. don't you think?

i mean,,, it won't be easy to forgive Daniel for what he had done,,, so i made him the bad guy ;-;) but it gets better in the end i swear!

also another reason was i really wasn't happy with how it turned out ;-;) seemed too rushed for them to make amends doesn't it?

this post is part of my special milestone event!

and another fate's game bonus is a q&a with the characters!! (but no one sent in asks throughout the week so it's still open) so if you have questions for the characters, send asks!!

taglist: @armymaknae @rjsmochii @chogiyeol-utopia @deolly @liitlefaiiery @patpus @br0ther-s @tyraparker @ancailinaerach @tae165 @cherrycolababie @nininek12 @atulipandarose @hannahdinse8 @hereforaus @thewariestofheads @thia-aep @diorhobii @seungcheoluwu @mipetronella @callmesenpaix @jungshookmeup @yoongisabby @parkchaeyoung1997 @alpaca1612 @bangtan-serendipity @karissassirak @fullsunkook @salty-for-suga @cholychi @smolbeaniejimin @netflix-batman-sleep @snickerdoodleeee @faeriegukkie @kpop4mysoul @crazylittlemay @theneighborhoodfangirl @ughtear @youurkryptonite @lovelyseomin @pureshinso @kawaiimusiccollection @aviwasabi21

permanent tag: @luvinseokjinnie @97faerie @amoreguk @bbyjoonies @borednia @tanumiki @taescake

[friendofspidermannedleeds]

2020 overview: writing edition 

Tagged by the loveliest and kindest of friends, @momentofmemory​. 

I’m not tagging anyone because I’ve not been around and am sure most have done this by now, but if you’re reading this and you’ve not been tagged and would like to participate please say I tagged you! <3 

1. List of works published this year 

The Kid Really is Smitten (Peter & Happy, Peter/MJ. 233) Nightmares and New Beginnings (May & Peter. 733)  Normal Teenager Stuff (May & Peter. 5+1, 1.8k)  Breaking a Promise (May & Peter, May & Tony. 3.3k) Carry Me (Morgan & Happy. 1.2k)

Fictober 2020 Series  * Works around 1k+ include:  Somebody to Talk To (May & Karen. 1.8k) Fireproof (Happy & Peter. 904) Flight Conversation (MJ & Peter. 967) Incalculable Worth (Ben & Peter. 2.8k) Regrets (May & Peter. 1.2k) A Nice Peaceful Afternoon (Mr. Harrington and the AcaDec kids. 3k) 

Knowing (Peter/MJ, May & MJ. 2.5k)  Forever Ours (May & Peter, May/Ben. 3.8k)  2. Work you are most proud of (and why)

I think it would have to be Incalculable Worth from my Fictober series. I’m forever disappointed in the Ben Parker erasure of the MCU and had been wanting to give him the respect he deserves. Most of this fic came to me much more quickly than my typical writing inspo (that Fictober deadline magic!), and even though I still have things I might change about the final product, I’ve never been so pleased with a fic’s result and reception. Several lovely people stumbled across this fic on Ao3 and left kind comments about how moved they were, which makes me think that I did what I set out to do! 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why)

This would be Nightmares and New Beginnings. I just think it’s weird. I was so new to fic when I wrote it and was feeling experimental one night. I normally write quite slowly and edit a lot, but the idea for this one came to me after midnight and I published the fic before 2am. I hated it when I woke up and nearly deleted it. Two months later, as I was beginning to post Fictober on Ao3, I almost deleted it once again. The words of one extremely kind commenter saved it from destruction, however, so it’s still there! 

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing 

This is going to be hard for me because I don’t actually enjoy my writing for its composition! I like the concepts and character interactions a lot but I’m not terribly proud of my actual writing ability yet. 😬 

My favorite thing I’ve written lately is the ending to Forever Ours, my new fic about May and Ben adopting Peter, but I don’t want to put it here because it might be a very minor spoiler. 

So here’s a little section of Trust, my last Fictober ficlet. I liked it because May’s inner turmoil over Peter’s Spider-Man life is one of my absolute favorite things to write about. 

What troubles her most is this: whatever is out there, whoever he’s fighting—they won’t know he is fifteen. That he’s a child. That he loves Legos, and Star Wars, and science puns, and Mathletes. But what can she say? 

He’s not asking for permission. He’ll do this no matter what she says, and they both know it. 

He is asking for her blessing.

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received

This review meant so much to me! This lovely commenter read multiple May and Ben Parker fics and it was so nice to find that I’m not the only one who wants more of the Parker family than what we get in the MCU. It made me feel like my niche writing wasn’t of interest to me and me alone after all. :) 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard

Halfway through Fictober, I lost one of the most important people in my life. It was devastating. Writing was nice about 90% of the time, and actually a nice distraction that helped me take a break from the grief. But sometimes it wasn’t, sometimes it felt impossible, and that was when I’d just skip writing or posting and wait until it would serve me again. (So I finished Fictober a little later than I wanted to, but I have 0 regrets about that.) 

7. A scene of characters you wrote that surprised you

I only wrote one thing that wasn’t an MCU Spidey fic, and that was Carry Me with Morgan and Happy. I wasn’t expecting to write it at all, and it’s not one of my favorite finished fics, but I really enjoyed the process. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year

I grew by writing fic for the first time! My job for the majority of this year involved a lot of nonfiction copywriting, so I’m an experienced writer, but I had no idea what writing would be like outside my “professional life.” I’m glad I tried it! 

9. How do you hope to grow next year

I’m hoping to finish and publish a longer (for me) fic! I’m currently working on Penance, a fic about MCU Spidey’s origins and Uncle Ben’s influence. It should be at least 6-7k by the time I’m finished. I know that is actually short, but I haven’t even cracked 4k yet 😂 Longer fics stress me out because I don’t feel confident enough in my ability to tie together so many words, and I also can’t come up with plots to save my life. So this will be a stretch for me and I am looking forward to it! 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta of cheerleader or muse etc. etc.)

This is, without question, @momentofmemory​. For so many reasons. (Sorry in advance for how rambly this will get, my friend.) 

Mem’s writing (particularly this May fic that is perfection and no I will never stop rec’ing it til the day I die thank you) is to blame/thank for getting me into fic in the first place. I’d been here in the Spidey fandom on Tumblr but I didn’t trust fanfic because I’d seen my most beloved characters shoved to the side/killed off in too many stories. I began 2020 hating all fanfic tbh. But then I read Mem’s captivating masterpieces (like this, the greatest one-shot!) and opened my heart to fic that celebrates the worlds I love! 

Mem is the kindest human ever. She read ALL of my Fictober works and left the kindest comments that made my heart soar. Knowing that my favorite author had taken the time to read all of that motivated me to write more than anything else has this year! 

Sometimes, when I was trying to write fic but felt burned out or uninspired, I’d go and read Mem’s writing. Her prose is divine, her dialogue is realistic, her characters and their relationships are so well thought-out--her work inspires me! I’d read it and feel excited by the ways that we can use our words to create beautiful things, and though I’m not anywhere near her level, I do think that reading her work has made me a better writer. 

Bonus positive influence: @i-lovethatforme​! Jess, thank you for being the world’s best cheerleader, for being endlessly kind and supportive, and for being my first ever beta in November. I go back and read your wonderful comments whenever I’m doubting myself. You’re an absolute gem and ilysm ❤

11. Anything from real life show up in your writing this year?

Yep. Regrets is about grief, and I was grieving pretty heavily when I wrote it. Peter’s regrets didn’t necessarily mirror mine, but writing it was still a cathartic experience. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers

Write what you want to write! Since I don’t do IronDad or smut, I wasn’t sure if anyone in the MCU Spidey fandom would be interested in my work. I thought briefly about trying to write based on what I thought people would read, but I decided against it. I enjoy writing platonic friendships and family fic more than anything else, so that’s what I publish most. I write what I want to write, and it’s made me so happy! 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year?

I have a few things I’m excited about! I’ve got some Spideychelle ficlets that might be a series. They’ll focus on Peter and MJ after coming back from The Blip, featuring MJ trying to ignore her crush and Peter developing a crush. The other is Penance, the MCU Spidey origins/Ben Parker story. 

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year

I think I’d say Knowing, my fic about Peter/MJ that’s more about MJ & May bonding. I just love these two women with all my heart, and I’m proud of the way this one turned out because I think it honors both of them pretty solidly.  

15. End of Year word count

36,625 words! It’s not a lot in comparison to other writers but it’s a huge accomplishment for me! 

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Beneath an Aurora Sky ch. 15

Summary: The South Pole Station is equipped for research and Edge has always made sure things run smoothly for the inhabitants. His charges are meant to follow his rules and regulations, and in turn, he makes sure they survive in the arctic temperatures. It takes plenty of hard work and determination and Edge, along with his crew, can handle both.

He wasn’t counting on one of the newest researchers. He wasn’t expecting Rus.

Tags: Spicyhoney, First Time, Arctic AU, Hurt/Comfort

~~*~~

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven | Chapter Twelve

Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

~~*~~

Read Chapter 15 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Edge spent the rest of the day in his quarters, not even venturing out for meals which would have earned anyone else a firm scolding. Perhaps it was childish of him, but right then he didn’t want to see Red or Undyne, and Rus didn’t deserve having to see him.

He settled for ration bars and followed his schedule as best he could, approving requests from the scientists to return to the outer research stations now that the storms had passed. He escaped briefly to work out in the greenhouse, striving for and failing the normal soothing that it brought, but otherwise remained in his quarters.

That day there wasn’t so much as a knock on his door. Red and Undyne knew him well enough to let him be and Alphys was certainly wise enough to know if she came, he’d end up comforting her.

The next morning, he forced himself to set aside his lingering resentment. He had a job to do and it wouldn’t be done by hiding away.

Rus wasn’t at breakfast. Edge wasn't surprised.

As an added bonus to his misery, no one else offered him a greeting as he sat at the table. That easy, unusual camaraderie between them and the scientists was gone, leaving only distance, and the span of the table between them may as well have been as wide as the continent. Despite whatever scorn Undyne often expressed about their common sense, none of them were fools. Gossip traveled fast and they’d obviously deduced something went wrong between him and Rus, and the researchers seemed to be standing by their own despite Rus being a Monster.

Edge didn’t blame them. No wonder he was only suited to live at the ends of the Earth. He couldn’t manage a normal relationship for two days.

He sat next to his brother and couldn’t help the bitterly amused thought that he had fallen from hero to outcast in the span of less than twenty-four hours. His own personal Paradise Lost. Red’s sockets were concealed by his sunglasses, but from his lowered head, his own guilt was still thoroughly consuming him. He would have to wade through on his own for now; Edge couldn’t blame him for his reaction, but forgiveness would have to be later.

Undyne was not present, likely taking her meals with Alphys, and their resident engineer was the one worthy of concern. None of this was her fault, but she’d surely been dragged in nonetheless. He made a mental note to check in with her, if only to reassure her that he didn’t blame her for any of this. The blame was his own and Edge would be keeping it.

Breakfast was already laid out, but before Edge could reach for any of the platters on the table, a plate landed in front of him with a clatter. Loaded with burnt toast and runny eggs, half of it falling off from the force of the throw.

Edge looked up to see Bonnie glaring down at him, her scarred face twisted with anger. Ah. It seemed that it wasn’t only the researchers who’d sided with Rus.

Next to him, Red started signing indignantly and Edge put out a hand, stopping him. "Don't."

He picked up the toast and bit into it, and the charred flavor on his tongue was like the taste of failure. He ate every bite methodically, scraping his plate for the last oversalted dregs. There were worse meals in his past and if Bonnie needed a target for her wrath, he would accept his due.

As he was carrying his cleaned plate to the dish rack, the kitchen door opened again, Bonnie carrying another tray out with the door swinging shut behind her. The meal on that was fit for a King of Monsters, fluffy pancakes drizzled with honey, Rus’s favorite, along with crisp bacon, golden yolks of eggs over easy, and a bowl of berries, fresh from the greenhouse.

None of the scientists still lingering offered a single indignant word about that indulgent feast and neither did Edge. Strictly speaking, meals weren’t supposed to be taken in private rooms unless there were extenuating circumstances. It seemed the entire station was deciding that this qualified. Edge only hoped Rus was in enough of an appetite to eat it.

Bonnie went through the hallway door with a bang and Edge turned back to the table to discover his brother vanished in the time it took him to wash his plate. He sighed and shook his head, heading back out.

Today seemed like a perfect day to work on repairs at one of the outskirt checkpoints, a never ending task, particularly after a storm. Edge logged himself at one that Rus never went to and headed out. It would be fair to Rus to try to avoid him, if that was what he wanted, and Edge would make sure his schedule was very visible. It wasn’t normal protocol, but if Rus didn’t want to see him until he left the station, Edge would make it easy for him and if he did…

Edge extinguished that hopeful thought before it could form.

The vehicle garage was empty, his brother nowhere in sight. If Edge was making himself scarce to Rus, then it seemed Red was doing the same to him. He sighed inwardly. This one rock thrown in their smooth pond was casting ripples that would last for some time yet. He’d give Red a few days and then corner him, if he had to.

There was no question he would forgive his brother. Edge couldn’t even be properly angry with him. He knew better than anyone what Red suffered through to earn his distrust of any of the Monster royalty, the cracks still littering his skull spoke volumes, and he could hardly blame Red when his reaction was no better. A piece of paper and a handful of questions was all it took for him to cast Rus into doubt.

Unbidden, memory came to him, of Rus’s smiles, that real smile he offered so shyly. Of the expression of purest wonder the first time he saw the aurora, of the way he cuddle in close as he slept, clinging with all his limbs as if afraid of being left alone—

Edge pushed that aside. He had work to do and that would last him far longer than any idle thoughts.

He gathered the equipment he would need and signed out a snowmobile, heading out to the furthest checkpoint.

It took him the better part of the day to clear the accumulated snow from the antennas, check over the solar cells and calibrate the equipment. By the time Edge headed back to the station, he was exhausted and bone-chilled despite his outdoor gear.

Careless of him, he knew better than to stay out too long. Monsters could handle the lower temperatures better than Humans, but eventually even they would succumb. The ride back only made it worse and he regretted not choosing a SnoCat for the journey, even if it would have taken twice as long. By the time he returned to the vehicle shed, he was shivering so hard he could hear the rattle of his bones over the roar of the engine.

Edge hastily signed the snowmobile back in and headed inside, clumsily stripping off his gear with numbed phalanges. The ache that came as they warmed was enough to make him hiss, but it was a pain was earned through stupidity, one he hadn’t felt since their first month here. Perhaps it was best things ended as they did, Edge thought sourly, he’d been off balance since Rus got off the ship. He needed to get his head on straight before someone got hurt.

He ignored the voice in the back of his skull slyly pointing out that someone was already hurt and headed towards his room to recklessly waste a shower token before dinner. The cold wouldn’t kill him, but a little comfort before facing those silent, accusing faces in the dining hall again would be a kindness.

As he went down the walkway to the living quarters, Edge heard raised voices from around the corner. The words themselves stilled him as much as his brother’s loud voice declaring, “look, i just want to talk, fashion victim.”

“my name is rus.” Edge closed his sockets, pained. Never had he sounded so cold, even that awkward moment they’d first met.

His brother went on, doggedly, “rus. you’re right, i get it. rus. i’m sorry, okay? i’m sorry. look, it’s not an excuse but we’ve had people here before who—“

Rus interrupted, his cool voice tight with underlying anger, “you’re right, it’s not an excuse. all you had to do was actually talk to me. woulda taken two minutes. thanks to you, i spent two hours straightening my notes after your little room search. i had to recalibrate all my equipment, since i guess none of my shit is important enough to worry about, not like yours is. you’ve all wasted enough of my time, now if you’ll excuse me...hey! let go!”

“that ain’t his fault, it was all me, all of it, wouldja just listen--”

Edge hurried around the corner to see Red gripping Rus’s wrist even as he struggled furiously to pull free.

“Red, let him go.”

They both jerked, two sets of eye lights flying over to him. It was his first sight of Rus since seeing him run away in tears and Edge’s soul lurched painfully. He was wearing the worn orange hoodie that hadn’t made an appearance since his first day here, the heavy sweatpants rather than the thermals Edge had given him. He looked tired, heavy shadows beneath his sockets, and Edge ached to think of the wasted energy, trying to catch up on his work. He hadn’t even considered what damage was done by going through his things, all the effort Rus would need to go through simply to continue his research. He couldn’t imagine how far behind Rus might be now, perhaps unable to complete in research in time.

If Rus needed to stay longer to finish, Edge would pay for it out of his own salary. Though he wasn’t sure Rus would welcome the chance, thesis or not. He might very well be the first person on the boat.

Red was still holding on, hard enough for bone to scrape. His sunglasses were on the floor, another pair broken, and his eye lights were blazing, flared crimson. That was a sight Edge hadn’t seen for a very long time and he held out his hands to his brother placatingly.

“That’s enough,” Edge told him, low. “Let him be.”

“no, it ain’t!” Red burst out, “it ain’t! it was my fault, all right?” He looked at Rus wildly, who only looked back stonily, still trying to twist away. “i put the bug in his head that you were up to something and i was wrong. i know my bro, i know he has trust issues! i shoulda checked more careful, i shoulda--”

“Red,” Edge broke in, gently. “Brother. Please. Let him go.”

The feral light in Red’s sockets dimmed, fading to their normal soft crimson glow. Slowly, reluctantly, his grip loosened, and the second he could, Rus wrenched away, stumbling back and clutching his wrist to his chest. His mouth worked, his eye lights darting between them, but finally Rus turned and walked quickly away. Edge watched him go until he turned a corner, out of sight.

Red only slumped back, sliding down the wall to the floor. He rested his forehead on his updrawn knees, wracked with brief, jolting quivers. Edge crouched next to him, not touching, only there if his brother needed him.

He waited until those intermittent shivers eased, then said, softly, “You need to leave him alone."

“i can’t.” Red’s voice was muffled into his knees, raw and cracked. “i can’t, boss. you were happy for the first time in ages and i ruined it."

“That’s not true,” Edge began. He might as well have saved his breath, Red only shuddered and went on.

“wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t! he don’t get it, he don’t know what you’ve been through, what we have!”

Edge laid a cautious hand on Red’s shoulder. His brother lifted his head, looking at him miserably. His knitted cap was askew, showing the first branching crack at the front of his skull and with gentle patience, Edge adjusted his hat to cover it again. Quietly, he asked, “And you know what he’s been through?”

Silence. He didn’t know what Red was thinking about, but Edge couldn’t help recalling Rus’s expression in the Rec room that night he watched Edge spar with Undyne. The sudden fear when she called for him to take her place.

Red looked away, eye lights on the floor as he swallowed heavily and whispered, “no.”

Edge nodded. “Neither do I. So, please, leave him alone. Let him do his work. He’ll be gone in a few weeks, anyway. Will you do that for me?”

The phrasing needed to be careful with Red, Edge knew, he excelled at crawling through loopholes to dig into whatever he found on the other side. This time Red only nodded, heaving himself to his feet.

“m’sorry, bro. fer everythin’” Red mumbled, shoes shuffling against the floor as he went the opposite way as Rus and rounded the corner.

Edge went to his room to take his own advice. Stood beneath the steaming hot water, letting it pour over him. There was nothing but his warming bones, the heavy patter of water against the walls of the shower stall. He very nearly used another token, forced himself not to be quite that wasteful as he’d regret it the next week, and stepped out into the cooler air to dry off.

He was barely dressed when there was a knock on his door. The temptation to ignore it was shameful. His duties to the other researchers had not lessened despite his personal issues. If they needed him enough to search him out, they deserved a chance to be heard out, even if it ended in a rebuke from him to submit all requests in writing.

When he opened the door, however, the last person he expected was standing there.

“Rus?” He didn’t dare hope and still, his soul sank a little when Rus only held out a sheaf of papers.

“thought you might want to see this,” Rus said tersely. He stuck his hands into pockets the moment Edge took the papers.

They were still warm, fresh from the printer and Edge looked down at the pages in confusion, “What’s this?”

“my thesis, since you’re all so interested. but it doesn't even matter what it says, because what it tells you is i'm a fucking astronomer. which the information packet i submitted should’ve already told you."

“Observing the Progression of an Active Galaxy Nuclei Through Fiber-Optic Spectroscopy,“ Edge read slowly. Such a dry title, it didn’t feel like Rus. Or perhaps it did, his lack of knowledge about Rus was where their problems began. “You’re studying galaxies?”

Rus’s mouth twisted. “something like that. i’ve already taken readings from the equator. just needed to get them from one of the poles to finish up.”

“This was what you were keeping a secret.”

“i wasn’t keeping it a secret!” Rus snapped. “or yeah, okay, i was, but it was just a tease, for fuck’s sake! because you’d think i was so fucking interesting if you knew what i’m studying, right?”

“Rus-“ But Rus wasn’t finished.

"do you even know how hard it was for me to get here?” he asked, low, “i was trying for scott station before i realized there was no way they'd let me in. tried a few others, but it was always more of the same. plenty of excuses but none of them wanted to admit it was because i was a monster. i got tired of throwing away money that i don't have for rejections, so i came here even though it cost a shit-ton more and i’d have to bring my own equipment. thought maybe if it was run by monsters…” Rus shuddered, his shoulders hunching. “you want some truths? okay, here's one. red was right about one thing. my sponsor? it's toriel. yeah, the queen. she...she was kind to me and my brothers when we ended up here. got us jobs, gave us a start.

Edge only stood, cooling papers in hand, watching as Rus blinked too hard, almost choking on his words as he said, “when i realized i wasn't getting anywhere with my applications, i swallowed my fucking pride and asked her to help. she pulled some strings to get my application on the roster.”

Though no one else was around, Rus’s voice lowered into a fierce whisper, “and i get that all of you are bitter about what happened, but even you can't convince yourselves that things were better with asgore in charge. after everything, she let you guys go your own way, didn’t she? no one is coming after you, no one sent me up here to spy! tori told me that you were honorable and i trusted her on that."

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Edge couldn’t help saying. Oh, he knew why, look at the way they’d reacted to the mere suspicion that the Embassy was involved. But Rus’s answer was not quite the one he expected.

“i didn't want to tell you because...i’m nobody in this world, okay?” Rus burst out, heaving out a shuddery breath, “my own brothers told me i was wasting my time on this when i could be doing something useful, but this is what i love. i busted my ass working double shifts to get up here to finish, tori said i should warn you, but i couldn't risk it, not after everything.” He lifted his chin, his eye lights gleaming fiercely. “and i’m gonna to do it. i don't need this shit, any of it. you were always a distraction i didn’t need.”

Dimly, Edge wondered how he’d never known it was possible to bleed without ever taking a wound.

"I'm sorry,” he said, softly.

“save it. i told you, i get it, i get why you guys are suspicious but that doesn’t mean i don’t get to be hurt! it doesn’t mean I have to forgive you.”

"It doesn't," Edge agreed quietly. “But I am so very sorry, nonetheless. You never gave me a reason to doubt you.”

Rus's expression crumpled, all his anger like so much tissue, "don’t do that, you can't...just stay away from me.”

He turned, walking quickly away and Edge carefully closed the door, the pages of the thesis still in his hand. Hardly a moment passed before there was another knock on his door. Edge didn’t allow himself to hesitate. He opened it and Rus was there.

He shivered despite his bulky sweatshirt and the emotions fluttering across his face were too quick to interpret, “look...can i come in?”

Edge only held open the door, and when Rus stepped inside, he sighed deeply, nervous fingers clattering lightly against his skull as he swept a hand over his head. “this is all fucked up, i know, but...could you just hold me for a little while?”

Wordlessly, Edge sat on the bed, reaching out to pull Rus into his arms. The pain clenched in his soul from the moment Red came to them yesterday morning loosened, easing as Rus settled against him. It was easier to hold each one other if they lay back, so Edge did, pressing his face into the pale curve of Rus’s skull to breath in the honey-sweet scent he thought he’d lost.

Fear lanced through him as Rus shifted, sitting up, but it was only to pull that oversized sweatshirt over his head. Beneath it he was only wearing a thin thermal shirt, hardly a barrier at all as he settled back against Edge. One hand gripped the front of Edge’s shirt, so tightly he could hear the bone creaking. Edge settled his own hand overtop it, loosening the grip until he could entwine their fingers. They lay together in silence for some time, only their breathing breaking it, until Rus muttered out, “this doesn't mean i forgive you."

No. Broken trust was as difficult to heal as the cracks across his brother's skull.

But it was a start.

tbc

[chantelle-x0x]

Because I Had You (3/3) - Steve Rogers x Reader

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A/N: It’s finally here! The angstiest part of them all! Thank you so so much @flatbottomholland for letting me get involved in your writing challenge! I had so much fun writing all three parts, this part especially! The lyrics from the song ‘Because I Had You’ were changed a little because reader is female so it just made a little more sense for this fic. Check that song out!

Permanent tag list: @glorious-fandoms, @rousetta, @fuckyourgondola Steve Rogers tag list: @alepowell, @kaitlynw011 Series tag list: @i-just-wanna-live-gc

Disclaimer: **All characters besides Reader, belongs to Marvel (MCU)**

Word count: 1,422

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter

MCU Characters: Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter, Bucky Barnes (mentioned)

Rating: General

Warnings: Sexual intentions at the end. Nothing descriptive though. Just a mention. Still very clean fic though :) Angst!

Summery: You decide to confront Steve about the distance, but that may have been the wrong move.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You went to bed that night with a really hurt feeling. Steve moved on, well technically you were never together so it wasn’t as if he really had moved on, it just really hurt you. You were in bed and thinking about the biggest regret you held; getting Steve to leave. Getting Steve to pursue his dream. It was such a selfish regret, but you wanted him and only him. You thought you knew what you wanted for Steve, for him to be happy because that’s what made you happy, and now he was happy however, it wasn’t making you happy. He was being distant and it hurt so much. Almost like he took out your heart and ripped it apart with his new found super strength.

Peggy Carter was a fabulous woman. Apparently people knew who she was. She was a strong and independent person. She was driven and smart, so intelligent is was beyond your belief. Above all else though, the thoughts that spun in your head formed round the fact that she was everything you weren’t. Tall, amazing posture, hair that had not one strand out of place. She was just all out stunning. She didn’t even have to try. Steve saw it all too, that’s why he was in love with her. It was clear he was happy with her around and maybe he just didn’t need you there anymore.

You finally managed to find sleep even with all the racing thoughts in your head. You got out of the house earlier than you usually do, but it was to see Steve off. To move on, you needed to say goodbye. It wasn’t only a physical goodbye that you needed, but an emotional one. You needed to say goodbye to all the pent up emotions and feelings. Things he should never know about. Moving on meant taking risks, which wasn’t your forte but it was worth it if it meant giving Steve the life he deserved.

You arrived at the station since you heard that they’d be taking a train to the next stop, thanking your lucky stars, Steve was there, alone. ‘Hey.’ You said cooly. Steve smiled at you and walked over to meet you in the middle.

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked wrapping you in a hug. If only he knew what that hug meant for you.

You pulled away from the hug and looked him in the eyes, you were cursing the tears that had already started to form. ‘I came to say goodbye.’ The crack in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by Steve. You pulled you by the arm to sit on the seat next to him in the station.

‘Y/N, you know this isn’t goodbye right? I’ll be back and so will Buck.’ He smiled at the thought. Your heart swelled at the thought of it being like old times. ‘Maybe Peggy can join us. Of course only if she wanted to.’ And your heart cracked.

‘Yeah, of course. I must ask, does Bucky even ask about me?’ You wanted to change that subject to anything else.

‘Yeah! I mean, not lately since we stopped the whole sending letters thing, but when we were doing it, every time I got one he asked how you were doing without us.’ You both chuckled. Bucky may have been Steve’s best friend, but you’d be damned if he didn’t care just as much about you. This is how it was before Peggy. You could talk without hesitation, and it just rolled. Words rolled from your tongue and it was just easy. Unfortunately, just as things turned slightly normal, the woman herself came out onto the platform.

‘The train is delayed. We’ll be here for at least another hour.’ She said with a slight annoyance to her tone.

‘Do they know why?’ Steve asked standing up to be next to her.

‘Repairs.’ She huffed. ‘I’m going to see if I can find another station close by that has a different train running. Can’t have Captain America late to a show.’ She teased with a smirk before leaving.

‘Steve?’ You spoke softly and he turned around with a blush to his cheeks. You really needed to get this out. ‘We need to talk.’ Your tone never went louder, it stayed levelled and quiet. Steve sat next to you and you breathed out a shaky breath. ‘I, I um, I have no idea how to start.’ You laughed a breathy laugh.

‘You can me anything doll.’ He said it with such a beauty to his voice. He was so sincere. This was so much harder than you anticipated.

‘Since you’ve met Peggy, things have changed between us. You’re more distant and I don’t know, I guess it hurts.’ Steve’s eyes never left yours, but the glint he had did fade.

‘What are you saying Y/N?’ Steve asked a little taken back.

‘I’m just saying that maybe you being around Peggy has changed you.’ You suggest, but Steve wasn’t having it. He stood up as fast as a snap of your fingers.

‘Seriously Y/N? I’m finally happy, and you can’t bear to see that?’ He scoffed and continued before you could say anything. ‘That is such a selfish thing to say.’ He snapped.

‘I’m happy for you Steve, but is it such a bad thing that I don’t want things to change?’ Tears began to blur your vision.

‘Not bad, just selfish.’ He shook his head then his eyes locked to yours once more. ‘I think this is where the ‘goodbye’ happens.’ His voice was warm, but it now had a saddened and cold undertone. You nod before picking up your bag.

‘Goodbye Steve.’ You walked away before he could say anything. He was mad and hurt. After having about 20 minutes of time to calm down, you realised that the way you said goodbye wasn’t how you wanted to leave Steve. You raced back to the station and asked the man there when the train left. He said that it was now boarding so you ran to the platform. The train was gone though. So was Steve. There was one thing left though. Sitting on the bench was the locket. Your heart stung deeply and tears flowed freely down your flushed cheeks. After what seemed forever, you left.

You went to the bar, you sat and ordered a heavy drink, and let a guy sit next to you. By this point, all your morals were washed away. He flirted with you but you didn’t tell him to back off. You ended the night leaving the place with this man in tow. It wasn’t your nature, and he wasn’t the man you ever thought you'd do something intimate with. He was not Steven Grant Rogers. But maybe that was a good thing. You’d just never be able to love anyone, so was there a point in even seeking love anymore? You did do one thing right that night though, you left the locket in the bar. It was important but had too many memories. Steve didn’t want you in any shape or form. Not only did you lose the person you loved that day, but also a much needed friend.

~~~~~

Bonus - Steve POV (Earlier/after fight) He regretted everything. It had been about 15 minutes and the train had reached the platform. Steve sat in a seat, slouched posture and his head was held in his hands. In his anger, Steve put the locket, the only piece left of you on the bench so he could completely leave you behind. He was furious at your accusations, but now sitting here, he realised that maybe you were right, maybe he was letting you go. But he didn’t want that ever. You were so much to him. Peggy sat next to him, keeping a professional distance. Steve was about to stand up and get that locket, but the train started moving. He cursed himself for even acting on his anger.

‘She’ll be here when you get back Steve.’ Peggy smiled softly. You weren’t who Steve wanted, Peggy was. You were just, a very important person in his life. You never dared turn your back on him, in fact, you were there for him in his hardest times, but he decided to turn his back on you when life got hard.

~~~~~

No one would make either of your lives like they were before and you both had the same last thought about each other, “Because I had you.”

~~~~~

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Constructive criticism and general feedback would be awesome as well! Thanks for reading x

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