#and we all know Eric cannot be scripted

[madevampselle]

Does anyone know if anything was edited out of that SAG-AFTRA interview with Sam and Eric?

[variousqueerthings]

SEVENTEEN EIGHTEEN NINETEEN - GJ

(yes I screamed these)

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL (ok benton let's go)

do you like seeing your Blorbo suffer?

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i asked for it)

uh. sure do. like. a normal. tiny amount. just a lil beeeeet. teensy tiny sufferin'. have i come to you with imagines of major character deaths? maybe. have i spoken at length about the joys of whump? possibly. do i de-tail elaborate scenarios of sadness, violence, and straight-up bad times? am i, in short, a dead dove aficionado

yes.

comfort is optional. (sorry fraser) (you're the softest toy of the lot) (you get put in the torment vortex)

do you ship your Blorbo with any character?

i do and i don't, in that if im defining shipping through the explicit lens of romance, i can technically see it with several characters (rayv, meg, rayk, bruce, victoria, eric, janet, mark smithbauer... who am i missing here... anyway) but it's not my main lens/not the first word that comes to mind when i think about the different dynamics he's in (all of which are interesting)

also i throw a curveball into the mix by also, equally, thinking there's a very compelling read of fraser as aromantic, and within that another interesting idea that centres around how aromanticism and romance as exploration aren't mutually exclusive

and whatever i write for fraser is always through the lens of him coming at relationships in a non-normative way, that is, he'd never "simply fall in love and pursue a romantic relationship," in my head. it's gotta at the very least be filtered through several layers of Justice Is The Most Important Thing (and it genuinely is to him, imo), loneliness, neurodivergency, lack of script for intimacy, academic overreads of what any of these ideas even mean, and basically the fact that he's a fairytale being trying parse human relationship notions and not entirely sure if they make a whole lot of sense

but devotion youknow. thaaat i think he'd get/has learnt since coming to the big city. service. sacrifice for A Specific Person (rather than for the entire world). missing someone. enjoying someone's company and trusting that they enjoy his. things like that

and i do think -- as of where im at right now (s4ep2) that on the "potentially unrequited but not really, it's just that fraser sees the world fundamentally differently and again, listen, that can be tough, but devotion is devotion" side of things, Ray Vecchio has been head over heels for him since... boy oh boy. Very early on in their partnership. i should try and track when i might pinpoint it.

(see i don't think it's fallen in love at this point, but it's certainly part of the Thing. the "i would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining and have, in fact, already proven this once by getting blown up and then signing out of hospital to go to the middle of nowhere to get shot at... with really only very mild complaining" thing)

and Meg Thatcher, of course, fantasises about how she'd kill for him if needs be (but i like a little aro read for her on occasion to)

and i think specifically s4ep2 marks a change in gear for Ray Kowalski too, but i'll have more to say about that as we move along. no gifs, because i cannot risk a spoiler, but the motorbike thing really was Smthsmth. @gjdraws and i (that's you 🥰) talk a lot about Fealty. and that right there... that was the Moment

so, long answer short: i do and i don't

(the world of aromanticism)

when it comes to Blorbos, do you have a type?

so ive got a new housemate who observed how often i call people in fiction "lil guy" (encompassing any gender, often large, also, at times, spaceships, objects, the concept of a movie or book itself, etc)

that being said. preferences. Lorge. Sacrificial. Highly capable, but also would probably die on their own. Tormented. Favourite of the narrative. ND vibes. if possible, hairy (so like. put together fraser and rayv and we have the perfect lil guy)

and on the flipside there's also whatever jacob anderson put in the water for louis de pointe du lac, but i think that's more because pathetique aesthete is. me. gender

there's the lil guy i project gender onto (jacob anderson's ldpdl, half of ben whishaw's ouevre, viola twelfth night, claude cahun, sherlock holmes as drawn, hawkeye pierce (mash tv series), al pacino dog day afternoon, daniel larusso, wallace from wallace and gromit, the doctor from doctor who, frodo baggins, lisa minelli's sally bowles (not to say jane horrocks wasn't perfection but genderwise), many final girls, conrad veidt, john turturro, clarissa mao (the expanse), jack rackham, mercutio) and the lil guy i want to tell me did a good job (benton fraser, jlm's sherlock holmes, amos burton, bobbie draper, camina drummer/cara gee in many things honestly, omar sharif's ali in lawrence of arabia, chozen toguchi, ray vecchio, and -- evil version -- milchick from severance @hunkydorkling youknow what i mean)

there's a third one which is lil guy who is specifically a woman that thinks she's hinged (wants desperately to be Hinged) but isn't hinged but IS in charge of things: meg thatcher, joan watson, helly r AND helena eagan, ms cobel, grace hanson (jane fonda), maggie o'connell (northern exposure), many final girls also, many women in the silmarillion including galadriel, eleanor guthrie, chrisjen avasarala (who's given up on the hinge tbf), lady macbeth, margaret houlihan etc.

and fourth one which is. fairytale character as other. benton fraser (again), momo, the last unicorn, pie 'oh' pah (imajica), míriel Þerindë, melian (silm), ariel (tempest), breq (ancillary series...) ... yeah that one could go on for sure for sure...

and then there's cary grant, who is somehow all of these, while also being "just some guy"

uh. yes. i have a Type. but it encompasses several ideas

[thelittlecrookedtalecomic]

Wow, Ariel was only 34?! Poor thing sure didn't age well 😔 Sorry, maybe you're tired of questions about her, but I'm just curious: you said there were many plotholes in the original movie, what are they? (I must sound dumb 😂)

Alright, this is going to be a LONG answer and I hope I can explain myself good enough 😁

The Little Mermaid is one of those scripts you have to completely flip because you're changing the original idea in an opposite way. In the original story, the mermaid is not an exemplary character, but rather proof that we cannot force someone to love us just because we have become infatuated with them. No matter how much we self-sacrifice or try, "no means no." She is a selfish and reckless character who shows growth in the end by letting go of these traits and choosing to sacrifice herself when she had the option to save herself and crown her greatest selfish act.

In Disney's case, the premise was obviously that Ariel had to be a heroine, carry a moral message, and triumph over evil. To do this, they chose the path of victimization. Ariel had to be a misunderstood social outcast who fell into a trap set by a very evil figure who was then defeated. But the resources employed were insufficient, as they kept too many elements from the original script.

Demonizing the figure of the witch was an obvious step, turning her into a deceitful character with "I want to conquer the world" ambitions to quickly cast Ariel as the victim. The problem with this is the initial premise: literally everyone in the ocean knows Ursula can't be trusted, and she proudly displays her victims in her garden. This makes Ariel look like a foolish character for making a deal with her and downgrades a lot of the "I’ve always wanted to leave the sea" narrative into just a "teenage tantrum." Sure, she’s an impulsive teenager, but the point of this narrative device was to victimize her, and it achieves the opposite. Personally, I would have made Ursula a more discreet and manipulative character, someone Ariel saw as a victim, which could later trigger a sense of betrayal in Ariel.

Then there’s the often-discussed aspect that's always used as an argument: Ariel's fascination with the human world. It’s a great nuance to add to the story, moving it away from being solely about a romantic interest. Ariel needed her own background, hobbies, and goals, like exploring that unknown world. The problem is its execution—it’s insufficient and tedious. Ariel is a fanatic about the human world, with an oversized ego about what she thinks she knows, and her extreme idealization is used as if it were irrefutable evidence against her father. I always use the same example for this: in neutral terms, Ariel looks like someone who idolizes and defends an extraterrestrial way of life she knows only through the garbage she collects, while everyone else knows these beings hunt humans. Essentially, she comes across as an crazy and obsessed person.

This fascination with the human world is sold to us in a propagandistic and absurd way, focused on "we, the audience, are humans, and Ariel says we’re great, therefore she’s right. Her father keeps giving us a hard time, so he’s a tyrant." By the end of the movie, Ariel becomes the "superior species" because her father bends for absurd reasons. During the first half of the movie, Ariel’s love for the human world is heavily emphasized, but it falls flat when the weight of the original script lands on us. It all turns into a race against time for the woman to win over the man, and all the prior development becomes mere decoration that could be removed from the plot without affecting it at all. If Ariel hadn’t met Eric, she wouldn’t have left the water. This is also shown when it’s not until Triton destroys Eric’s statue that Ariel is devastated, unintentionally showing in the script that the rest of the cave treasures (and her character’s corresponding nuance) were mere additions. You can literally erase all the first part of the movie until Ariel meets Eric and there's no difference in the script development. In the end, what matters is the man, and that’s what moves the story. It’s Eric who makes Ariel seriously want to leave the water, and his statue is the crown jewel of her collection. Eric's cracked stone face is what pushes Ariel to take the step, as Flotsam and Jetsam don’t tempt her with exploring the human world but with winning over "her prince," just like Ursula does later too. Everything in the deal and the song, revolves around seducing Eric.

Personally, on this point, as I said, the script had to be completely changed, and that’s why they could have taken more risks by simply eliminating narrative elements that doomed the story to follow its original course. Ariel shouldn’t have fallen in love until she left the water. There are tons of stories they could have told about a mermaid being deceived by a witch to fulfill her dream of becoming human, and then introduced the romantic interest after she achieved her initial goal. This would have not only affected Ariel but Eric as well, who also loses out in Disney’s version. Originally, he was a prince who at least knew he had no romantic interest in the protagonist. Here, he’s a puppet obsessed with a voice while also being attracted to a mute stranger, despite being "in love" with the owner of the voice, and then goes on to marry a third woman who, no matter how much they try to sell us the idea that she "hypnotized" him, her physical appearance raises serious doubts in a realistic context about how much of a womanizer and fickle person Eric is.

Then we have poor Triton, the real victim of this script. He’s the most logical character in the film, battered by forced scenes where he loses control of his temper to demonize his perfectly logical ideas, and suffers absurd accusations of patriarchy against the protagonist (because we can all see how Ariel is locked in her room with no freedom, having tons of real obligations in her privileged underwater bubble). He’s also used as a cheap tool to emphasize human supremacy over the marine world.

Another aspect that should have been more balanced is the presence of animals. Ariel is by far the most dependent protagonist on others because of this. The supporting characters do absolutely all the work for Ariel, whose only accomplishments in the movie boil down to dodging a shark, saving a man from drowning (which was already in the original script), jumping into the water to swim after the wedding ship (for which she also needs help), and grabbing Ursula by the hair. One could argue that Cinderella also relied on her friends to escape her confinement. The difference is that Cinderella herself took the initiative by ordering them to bring Bruno, a course of action that made sense due to the development they had, making it a logical resource to use as a consequence. We are shown how Cinderella built relationships with her friends, so these friends help her in her moments of necessity. But in Ariel’s case, her friends act and solve things without communicating anything to her. Ariel controls none of the situations, and everyone else solves the problems for her.

Considering the decades that had passed, I’m still surprised at how all the nuances of the film end up making Ariel a much weaker woman than her predecessors, who didn’t navigate their plots pretending to be heroines like the case of the Little Mermaid. Ariel doesn’t learn or reason through anything during her experience. She doesn’t control any of the events around her or discover anything for herself, doesn’t apologize for her mistakes, and conveniently gets a rather undeserved happy ending. She doesn’t adapt to circumstances (the circumstances and characters adapt to her needs), she suffers no disappointments from the human world she so idealized because she walks on clouds as the privileged guest of a prince, and nothing happens to pull her out of her comfort bubble.

Essentially, it’s a script that not only retains 80% of the original nuances but also worsens them by making the mermaid’s actions affect more people due to her recklessness, and on top of that, rewarding her for being the most problematic and useless character.

[blueberrystudios]

The Hour Of Joy

WARNING! BLOOD, MURDER MANIPULATION, GORE AND GRAB TISSUES!

Zuri looked up at her father, with so much hate in her eyes that the hanged king didn't care. He looked down at her as he smiled wickedly a sadistic grin

Howdy:"look at you...so small and defenseless as you were as a child .." the king said coldly as Zuri was all beaten up she kept her guard up not wanting to be weak and vulnerable to her father

Zuri:"...I...am NOT... defenseless!-"

She yelled as she was met with a kick to the gut...she winced in pain...but she never gave up... Howdy held Zuri up by her throat as she glared down at him as her tears spilled down her cheeks

Howdy:"poor poor Zuri ..weak and frail like your sad excuse for a daughter like Akasuki"

He mocked as Zuri exploded

Zuri:"...I may be weak and defenseless....BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IM NOT A COLD HEARTED BASTARD LIKE YOU!"

She continued

Zuri:"AT LEAST IM HAPPY THAT MY NIECE IS HERE WITH ME! AT LEAST I TOOK MY WHOLE LIFE TO SEE MY BABY GROW UP TO BECOME THE WOMAN WHO SHE IS!"

With anger and rage...Howdy killed her in an instant as Zuri's lifeless form falls...

Site 74 pony station

The commander of the mobile task force, stuck in a heavy containment breach as the staffs went berserk and haywire. Since they were all given scripts of each line and play they acted different...in which is where they are at now attacking and killing one another

Eric being stuck in the mix called for back up

Eric:"GUYS I NEED BACK UP AT SITE 74 PONY STATION!-"

Just then...Eric dropped the phone and held his head in pain the reality around him began to warp...his adrenaline started to rush as he got up and made a run for it he doesn't know where he's going, what felt like an hour...felt like an eternity and forever...Eric never stopped running....he didn't look where he was going...

....he didn't know he ran into a restricted area...

???:"Big bro!-"

He froze...

Eric:"...what?-"

???:"ERIC!"

....Nai....

Eric:"NAI LIL SIS!-"

'Nai':"BIG BROTHER!-"

Eric looked around aimlessly like a chicken with no head...

???:"ERIC!"

???:"ERIC OVER HERE!"

???:"ERIC!-"

As he ran to the different voices...he began to panic and started to sweat badly his eyes blood shot. Slowly with every 2 minutes he was starting to lose the reality around him...he started to hyperventilate and clenched his chest tightly trying to calm his racing heart...then...in the distance...was Nai... aimlessly his steps were slow....he can't tell if his little sister is there or not...as he got there...getting a closer look...

A rope yanked him up by his neck as he struggled and kicked in the air...the rope tightened as his face turned blue... There in front of him...is the Ambassador of Alagadda...

His eyes grew wide in fear...slowly...losing consciousness...slowly....losing air...slowly...and steady....he closed his eyes...

But what fell out of his hand...a bag of flower seeds for Nai and his mother....

Site 19

Callia opened her eyes...as she looked around...she was in the hospital still trying to process what happened....Maria spoke up

Maria:"thank God you're awake...I thought I lost you for a second"

Callia:"Maria...are the others okay?"

Callia asked her...the general stayed quiet...she doesn't know how to say it...she doesn't know where to begin...or where to start...

Meanwhile Makaila and her father SCP 049 waited in their containment cells...

Makaila:"Father for how much time do we have left?-"

049:"soon my dear...soon..."

Then the alarms went off...one of the SCP's caused a containment breach without hesitation they broke out of their cells and dashed off. As they ran...Makaila had a bad gut feeling in her stomach feeling a knot...it cannot be the fish with fried vegetables...it was different...

049 noticed as he quickly stops

049:"my dear are you unwell?"

Makaila shook her head...it wasn't the pestilence affecting her...

Makaila:"father...it's too late..."

She said with tears down her beak mask

Makaila:"father I feel it crystal clear....Zuri and Eric are gone..."

Her father pulled her into a tight embrace since Makaila had a broken heart...it was hard for her to keep herself up...all she has left is...her husband and father....

Heavy containment zone

Lola continued to run...she ran down the halls as her life depends on it...her legs ached for her to stop but she never did...

In the shadows she felt like she's being watched...

The Black Lord smiled...

The yellow Lord glared

The red Lord held out his weapon

The white Lord only stared until it was the right moment...

Sally:"now" said the Black Lord as Eddie triggered off the Tesla...

As Lola ran the Tesla shocked her as she fell to the ground...the effect of the electricity is killing her slowly... The yellow Lord glared

Frank:"it's no wonder humans like her are so weak..."

The white Lord spoke up

Julie:"huh...you don't say Frank"

Said Julie as she electrocuted Lola again...as her heart stopped...worst case is seeing the world pass by with her eyes open....

Sacrifice of Sin

Nai sat in the small room...her eyes dull with no light...her skin was no longer peach but pale as a ghost...

She held herself close...the only reality is the small window....with the moon light only...she sighed ...

Zuri said that she'd visit her again...she never showed up ...

Eric said the same thing...never came back...

Callia said the same thing...never came back...

Maria said it too...but never came back...

So did Lola...she never came back....

Lastly...her fiancé....he never came back....

Did they all forget about her?...was she not that important?....

Nai sighed...the loneliness is eating her alive...she had lost her smile...

???:"Nai"

She shot her head up

???:"hey lil sis-"

Nai:"...guys...?"

She had tears in her eyes

???:"hey sweetheart how are you?"

???:"it's been awhile hasn't it?"

Nai:"yes it has...it's been 4 months..."

She choked on her tears as Nai began to cry

Nai:"you guys said you'd come back why did you leave me alone-"

???:"oh sweetie I'm so sorry..."

Nai:"guys I'm so scared-"

She began to cry nonstop and she couldn't control her emotions...

He held his hand out, Nai looked up....

Nai:"...Walter?-"

Her fiancé

Walter smiled as he pulled Nai to her feet. As before Nai saw his genuine smile his kind soft ocean eyes...his tan skin...she missed him dearly...gently Walter caresses her cheek as if Nai is a delicate rose...he kissed her forehead and embraced her in his arms as she hugged him back...

But Nai felt a pain in her chest... Her eyes grew wide as she looked up at him...it wasn't her fiancé....it was the Hanged king...

Nai:"....n...n...."

Nai choked on her own blood as she looked up at Howdy...who had a blank stare....the 4 lords of Alagadda...stood around them... As Howdy took the blade out...he stabbed her heart again as Nai fell to the ground....she spat up her own blood as she looked up with painful eyes....

As she took her last breath.... everything...stopped....

....I serve my king with my blood... blissful suffocation.... sacrifice of sin....

HELLO!!!

You have reached the end of this twisted tale! I am so glad that you all enjoy my story so far! Despite being a small au story! No words can explain how happy I am!

I am super happy that this au went out as planned and have reached the reverse end of this tale!

But over all, my au wouldn't be done if it wasn't for the support of my friends and family! I appreciate them dearly as they are my family no matter if we are blood related or not! They supported me along the way in my journey up to now!

Even though I went through my ups and downs, losing sleep to make this lore right as possible THIS IS WORTH A SHOT!

Remember kids!,

"set your heart ablaze! Know your limits!"-Rengoku Kyojuro

Cast:

Doctor Zuri Saelee @i-ate-your-dog-srry

Captain Maria @littlesiren79

Commander Eric @ericvelseb666

Doctor Callia Snickets @buenos-diaz

Doctor Lola Collins @extracted-distracted

Senior researcher Nai Saimori Ridgewell @blueberrynai23

The hanged king: Howdy Pillar @partycoffin

Black Lord: Sally Starlet @partycoffin

The Yellow Lord: Frank Frankly @partycoffin

The Red Lord:Eddie Dear @partycoffin

The White Lord: Julie Joyful @partycoffin

The Ambassador of Alagadda: Sunny @partycoffin

The Tragedy Queen: Akasuki Saechin Kocho @blueberrynai23

SCP 049-K: Makaila Guillibeaux @blueberrynai23

Genevieve: @silky-silks

Pao, Ay and San: @blueberrynai23

Films that inspire my au:

Incantation

Emesis BLU: Fortress Films

The conjuring 3 the devil made me do it

Games that inspire my au:

SCP secret files

The last of us part ll

In loving Memory

Maria Angelica Archuleta

Ying Saechao

Tachan Saechao

I'll see you on the flip side!

[ananke-xiii]

I was looking for all the SPN episodes involving time travels (because I wanted to check if "As Time Goes By" could be watched as the "actual" first episode of the whole series. Answer: I don't think so, I think "Frontierland" would be the first from a time-as-linear pov. Much to think about that, lol) and I came across two comments by Kripke about the topic that gave me lots to think about.

The first is about "In the Beginning":

The time paradox was discussed in the writer’s room with a light touch because I think it gave us all headaches. Like for instance I have a theory about this episode that I don’t think we even talked about that this was a closed ended loop that Dean always goes back in time and instigates the events that happen in this episode which caused Sam and Dean to be put on this path which caused them to run into Castiel who sent Dean back in time. Jensen called us to say, “I’m the one who talked my dad into buying the Impala? But I don’t understand that because if I hadn’t have gone back in time he wouldn’t have had the Impala.” Again it’s a real mind-bender concept and we had to talk it through –- it's funny the difference between Bob Singer and I proceeded to talk him through, “Well there’s this time loop and in my mind it’s this closed circle and he’s always going back–” And you know all these concepts that I really don’t understand about the inevitability of fate and time travel and then Bob takes a beat and – I love it, it’s perfect timing – he just takes a beat and says in this typical voice, “You got no problem with the demons but you got a problem with this?”

The second is about "The End" which I find so accidentally perfect for my own personal time-travel x angels in stories hyperfixation that's almost cute:

Eric: There was this whackadoodle notion that Ben and I came up with, where Future Dean had already gone through the experiences as Past Dean, where Future Dean was like "I know why you're here, because five years ago I went through the same experience … and every line you're about to say I've already said it. And time is cyclical!" And we were congratulating ourselves for being so smart...We showed it to Bob – and it’s a perfect model of why Bob is so invaluable to Supernatural ... and he's like "What the hell is this?" And we're like "You see it's cyclical, time is cyclical..." Ben: Do you remember we would come to his office and we would draw pictures of it. Eric: Yeah, we were literally drawing a diagram of the nature of time and time travel in Bob's office. And he gives you this wonderful dry look and he's like "You'll be drawing that for the audience?"

First things first: Bob Singer really had faith in the audience's ability to understand stories, didn't he? I mean, jfc, he really comes across as the death of the art of storytelling, lmao! Also: I don't know the context of these quotes so I'm taking them at face value for the sake of my hyperfixation.

Okay, now I'm ready to "dig in" and talk about the "closed ended loop". I find peculiar that Kripke commented on this thing and then went on to say that it's "Dean always goes back in time and instigates the events" because... ahem... this is not... accurate?

Both time travels in "In the Beginning" and "The End" happened because of two angels meddling with Dean (and Sam)'s life. It's not like Dean actually goes back/forward in time of his own accord, lol. As I've said before, it's actually Castiel who set into motion the whole thing and "caused Sam and Dean to be put on this path". In my reading of things, it's Castiel who "causes" the loop, therefore it's Castiel who must go off script to generate a new possibility (aka Not Apocalypse).

He cannot undo the loop (which keeps on happening, Cas always sends Dean back in time and causes Mary's deal with Azazel) but he can create a new timeline, a different ending, if you will, for one specific iteration of that loop (aka the story we see on screen). And he cannot undo the loop because in order to undo the loop two things are necessary: 1. he must save Dean from Hell and 2. he must free him from the Green Room. Therefore the existence of the loop is necessary for its breaking.

This idea, the centrality of Castiel in SPN's story, is not acknowledged by Kripke's words but it's nevertheless reinforced by the events of "The End" as they've been created.

From Kripke's words it does look like they envisioned the End!verse not like Zachariah's creation but like an actual fork in the garden of possibilities. When Samifer says that we'll all end up here he is, in a way, right, because the loop keeps happening and because it keeps happening they will all, eventually, end up "there".

Now this is a tiny mind-bending if you add the +10 more seasons of SPN and realize that, in hindsight, it didn't really matter how events unfolded in the past (and thus the End!verse is a real possibility rather than a hallucination/dream) because what matters is the story's telos: Chuck wants the ending that he wants and won't accept defeat.

This is tricky because it shows 2 things:

Dean is NOT the one who started the loop but he's the one who prevented Henry Winchester to go back in time. This is a "minor" detail in Chuck's story (John is such a pawn in his narrative that he literally get resurrected two times and he doesn't even know it, he doesn't matter as a character per se, he matters inasmuch as he gives his contribution to Sam and Dean's birth (+ poor Adam)), whether John grows up with a father or not doesn't really matter because ultimately John doesn't matter;

Chuck wants an ending that he cannot write. The story goes towards an ending that's supposed to be fixed but that never is. The inevitability of the past is then totally and utterly useless: things must happen the way they're supposed to happen because they all tend towards a specific telos but, surprise!, this telos never actually happens, it's always postponed (and here comes all the meta-narrative-ness of it all because the SPN as a TV series can, in this light, only end when Sam and Dean permadie and no resurrection is possible or wanted, hence hands-off- God Jack and Dean's "I did not think this would be the day. But it is").

This means two things: it's Dean who has to "break the cycle" in order for the story to end (and yes, this actually happens with the "This is not who I am" thing) and it's Cas who always has the upper-hand when it comes to ending and new possibilities and who ultimately writes the story's ending (aka "the ending before the ending" that is 15x19, 15x20 is another thing, lol). Which is a paradox because it was Cas, not Dean, who started the cycle in the first place, but it's also poetically accurate because the character that started is also the character that finished it. I don't know about time but this story is cyclical, perhaps not in the way it's portrayed to be on the surface.

[ladycatofwinterfell]

I suppose it's once again time to put myself through writing my thoughts on the episode. So here is me doing that.

Thoughts on episode 7!

Pain and suffering. That's it. That's the post. Is what I would have said if I was able to shut up about anything ever. But unfortunately I’m not.

Well, first of all I would like to say that everyone in this episode should be given an Emmy. They were all so insanely good. Delainey, Jacob, Sam, Assad, Ben, Roxane, Eric. They all brought their absolute best and this episode would not have been this good without them. I’d like to Emmy nominate Sam Reid’s hair, as well. It’s basically its own character at this point.

And now when that had been put out there let's move on to the actual episode. I barely know where to begin and I already feel that this will be incomprehensible because dear lord in heaven jesus fucking christ am i feeling feelings.

The torture before the trial was so hard to watch. Throwing Claudia in the rat box she had been made to manage for them. Chekhov's gun, I suppose. I should have seen it coming.

Having the trial as a play and performing it on a stage in front of a live audience is fucking genius. It heightens the sheer horror of it so much, highlights how performance and ways of presenting something can lure the audience. Weren't we the ones sitting by that stage, watching them? Is that not what we've been doing all season? Have we been tricked by performances and angles and particular story telling? Brilliant, I love it.

They cut the ankle tendons. They made it impossible to run. They beat the fuck out of them beforehand. Each time they spoke they used their collective power to disrupt their minds and create a pressure so great Claudia got a nosebleed and blood vessels in Louis' left eye popped. They produced a nice little film and a nice little story full of racist caricatures and stereotypes so that Lestat could be victimised. Everyone knows what’s going to happen because everyone has read the script, they all have lines and cues but Louis, Claudia and Madeleine do not. They are not characters, they’re props. Fuck these vampires. I like that the show doesn't shy away from how ugly this is, they show us their bleeding ankles several times, make us be in the heads of Louis and Claudia as they experience the psychic assault from the coven, we are forced to watch as the audience verbally stones them. It tries to make us uncomfortable and it is really uncomfortable. This is, above all, an uncomfortable watch.

They are broken on stage. They are broken and Louis knows that he is coming. There is no escaping him. He will always come hunting them down. A presence, a familiar scent. Lestat de Lioncourt. He’s been looming in the background all season and now he’s back and in typical Lestat fashion he cannot enter a room quietly.

I know I wrote this in a post already but I enjoyed Lestat reading the homophobe to filth, I thought it was fun. I also thought it was very very telling for Lestat that he reacted that way only when it was an insult partly leveled at him and not solely at Louis and/or Claudia. He goes off script there, breaks character to take revenge. Always the petty slights with you, Uncle Les. Because he is a petty fucking bitch. Upon a rewatch I also noticed that the homophobe reacted similarly, although quietly, when Lestat was talking of Nicolas so that was a nice touch.

He also breaks character when it comes to Louis. He affirms his love for Louis and he admits to having done horrible things to him. He admits to having tried to break Louis because he couldn't own him. He admits to dropping him and not doing anything to catch him because he wanted to hurt him. And he regrets it, he feels guilty over it, he's pained by it. He doesn't apologise for it, emphasises that he doesn't deserve forgiveness for it, and that there is nothing worse than what he did. And this is Lestat. He's not the victim, like whoever orchestrating the whole thing (*cough* Armand *cough*) tries to make him out to be for the sake of the trial. No matter how absolutely deranged Louis got during their fight, no matter how much he fought back, it was not a situation of mutual abuse. Lestat was always the one in power. Though he's also not evil. He knows what he's done, he knows he was wrong to do it, and he knows he cannot make up for it. And this is not only a matter of in universe role reversal, this is also something the fandom it guilty of. I've seen so many posts about how Louis' story doesn't hold up at all and just wait until Lestat finally gets to tell his version, then we'll get the truth. And he tells his story and he admits to the abuse. The parts where he goes away from the script written for him are from what we know at the moment the closest we get to the real him. And the real him is sometimes just awful. But the real him is, as I said, also not evil. The real him loves very hard and is pained by his own failures. I've read almost 7 (insane. why do i do that) of the vampire chronicles books now and I'm very satisfied with this portrayal of Lestat, I think it's book accurate even as others seem to disagree. I’m also very much looking forward to what they will do with him if we get a season 3.

I like Lestat, I think it's a joy every time he's on screen and I was excited to have him back for this episode. He’s my favourite character in the books. That and I would strangle him if I ever got the chance. I contain multitudes.

Now, do I think Lestat was on that stage because he really wanted to be on that stage? No. I think he's on that stage because he was made to go on it. I think he's reciting his lines because he was persuaded into doing so. Maybe by... I don't know, Armand? Perhaps. Because let's be fucking real here, the by far oldest and most powerful vampire in that theatre was not held back by fear of the vampire Sam. They put him in the theatre equivalent of those little pens you put babies in and that stopped him? Oh no he was put in time out so he can’t do anything :( He made an entire restaurant stop and sent all members of the coven to sleep at once, he did not need all his power to make the audience say banishment instead of death for Louis. He could have prevented it. He could have saved Claudia. But why would he since he's the architect of her destruction? I'm willing to bet on that he wrote the play. And I'm willing to bet Lestat's not chilling out in a dungeon because he really wants to, it doesn't feel that much like him. And Armand in Dubai talking about Lestat taking familiar parts of Louis' life and twisting them to serve himself. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE I KNOW. He’s insane. Clinically insane. Balls to the walls batshit bonkers. And I love him and his kicked puppy eyes. He’s very very dear to me and I hope he never stops being insane. Just like with Lestat he’s not evil, he just needs Louis with him because he now doesn’t know how to go forward without Louis’ love and Claudia was threatening that. With all that said Lestat is absolutely not without blame for this situation. Not in the least. There are several people to blame for this and he’s one of them.

Speaking of Dubai. Lovely that Daniel is still at it. Love that. But also. Hallucination of Lestat in Dubai? Hallucination of Lestat never left? Hallucination of Lestat is something Louis can never be rid of as long as he's not actually in the presence of Lestat? Thanks. I'm going to kill myself. I know that I myself have taken Dubai as an absolute truth, that what happens there is something we know to be true while the rest can always be doubted. And now we can't be sure anymore and I'm once again taken by the genius of this show. Also taken by how Lestat and Louis really are soulmates in the worst possible way. They were made in hell for one another, their existences revolved around one another from the moment they met. Can they ever escape that? Probably not. Even as they're destroying themselves and everyone around them. They will always love each other even as they hate each other and they can't exist without the other. Which is cool. Fine, even. Doesn't at all make me want to drink poison. Loustat forever (threat).

Louis beginning to remember more and more that was unknown to him or had in some way been altered is very touching. He wants to tell the truth, he’s not actively trying to deceive anyone, but he doesn’t always know the truth himself. And sometimes he does downplay his own role in things more or less consciously because he can’t cope with his own actions but even then he returns to wanting the truth. These vampires are very human. The overall narrative is still not the entire truth but we’re moving towards it. Louis cannot be controlled forever, he cannot have his own life kept from him forever.

I’ve already touched a little on the fight, maybe I should also talk about the other revisited scene. How fucking insane was it to see Louis beg for Claudia, bargain for Claudia, promise to never leave Lestat if only he could have Claudia. Bartering with your presence, is that what makes you fascinating, Louis? Dragging her along the floor like a little child with its doll, it was somewhat creepy. Though just as with the fight it shows that sometimes Louis is absolutely deranged. Just as crazy as the rest of them. Love that for him. Too bad it goes out over Claudia. Him calling her their beautiful daughter as if she’s not a stranger and Lestat having to be like you don’t know this girl. Hate to give it to him, but Lestat was not wrong here. The way Claudia is so right when she says it was never about her. She’s a bandaid for a shitty marriage, she’s Louis’ chance at redemption, she’s Lestat’s mirror. And for a while they were actually happy and maybe that’s the tragedy. That it was doomed from the start, but it didn’t show immediately. That she was doomed from the start and she didn’t know it.

Claudia’s death was horrifying and I still haven’t recovered from it. I don’t know if I ever will. Singing to the audience the song they loved to hear her perform even as she hated it as they merely watch while she dies a horrible death. Looking at Lestat in her last moment. A scared child who is in extraordinary amounts of pain and knows she will die, looking to her father in a cry for help. Because even as she hates him he’s the one of those still on the stage that she most trusts. All through the episode she’s been defiant. Guess it was weird to start from her death and then move backwards, but it really stuck with me. She tries to talk back and they immediately punish her for it, she even gets up on her feet and shows her anger when Lestat speaks about what he did to Louis. And she points out the hypocrisy in that Lestat can cry and say he’s sorry but she and Louis are not allowed to do the same. They’re punished for Lestat’s murder even as he’s not dead. She also points out that it’s never been about her, that it’s just another round in the stormy romance of Louis and Lestat. Not even her creation was about her. They both loved her deeply, I’m very convinced of that, but she was always the third.

I had to save Claudia and Madeleine for last because despite tough competition they were the most hurtful part of this episode for me. Claudia lived so many years without ever being anyone's first. Louis says he put her first but did he really? Was he putting her first when he let Lestat back into the house in ep6? Was he putting her first when he refused to burn Lestat in ep7? Was he putting her first when she was created? No. But she found someone who didn't hesitate to put her first. She revealed her monstrous side to Madeleine, gave her her diaries to read so that she could understand the innermost parts of her. And Madeleine didn't shy away. Madeleine was convinced in her devotion to Claudia, even when it meant her own destruction. She was given the choice between life and Claudia and she chose Claudia. When death came for Claudia it was not Louis or Lestat or the coven that stood with her, it was Madeleine. Her one true ally. They barely got any time at all together but that was the happiest time of Claudia’s life. Anyway fuck all those vampires, I’m going to hunt them for sport. Louis, Lestat, Armand, Santiago, count your fucking days. But also Claudia could have lived a longer life if she had never been made a vampire. She wasn’t even 50 when she died, that’s well within a human life span. And she spent that life being 14, never past 14. Aging in spirit, but always treated as a little girl. She died early, too soon, despite being immortal. I’m glad we didn’t hear Claudia and Madeleine’s last words to each other, it doesn’t feel like we should know. That was for them, not meant to be shared.

As I’ve read iwtv I’m aware of the overall plot beats of the last episode and I can’t wait to see how the show executes them. What I’m most curious about is how the modern plot will be resolved for now. What will become of Louis, Armand and Daniel? Will we get Lestat in the modern timeline? Will things be completely resolved there or will we be teased with setups for another season? I’m pretty sure I will be considering wandering out into the wilderness and never return no matter what.

[thehappyspaceman]

Ranking All the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Specials

So, I’m in the process of finishing the script for a review of all the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer specials. However, I don’t know if I will realistically be able to complete my video before Christmas, so here is my ranking of every Rudolph special, from best to worst.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964): Despite all the memes (“Deviation from the norm will be punished unless it is exploitable!”), the original Rankin/Bass Rudolph special holds up much better than most of the internet gives it credit for. It has memorable characters and songs, it is well-paced and does not try to cram too many subplots into its runtime, its stop-motion animation was quite good for the time (and has a unique charm nowadays), and it actually fixes most of the issues with the original song and story. It’s a classic. 9.5/10

Rudolph’s Shiny New Year (1976): The follow-up to the Rankin/Bass special is not as good as the first one, and the lesson of “If people laugh at you, it’s because you bring them joy and that’s a good thing!” is kind of reprehensible, but it’s still pretty alright. It certainly has some nice songs and creative ideas, and Red Skelton is charming as Father Time, although I can see why it didn’t become a holiday staple like the first one. For one thing, it’s less well-paced, and doubling it as a New Year’s special and as a celebration of America’s Bicentennial felt stranger. Still pretty good. 7/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1948): This Max Fleischer short aired a year before the song’s release and thus is more closely based on the original Rudolph story. The animation is kind of janky (as a lot of Max Fleischer’s shorts are in hindsight, even though he was an animation pioneer) and the story is a bit standard, but it’s still a decent short film and a noble enough screen debut for the character. 6/10

Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July (1979): Rankin/Bass pulled out all of the stops for this big epic crossover film between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, their own Avengers: Endgame that also doubled as a sendoff for Rudolph and Frosty, who would never star in a Rankin/Bass project after this. However, despite some creative ideas, the plot felt all over the place, with far too many subplots and too much lore to keep track of, plus we did not need a explanation for Rudolph’s nose powers. We could have accepted it as simply being “magic,” and making him a chosen one poses more questions than it answers. Still, at least it was imaginative, which is more than I can say for the post-Rankin/Bass specials. 5.5/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie (1998): GoodTimes Entertainment’s attempt at rebooting the franchise has diminishing returns, and reeks of the usual GoodTimes stench. The plot beats and characters felt very derivative of the original Rankin/Bass special, as a lot of GoodTimes movies feel derivative of other films, but this one felt even more obvious since even the songs themselves felt derivative of songs from the first Rankin/Bass one. And the $10 million budget clearly didn’t go to the writing or animation, so I have to wonder where it went. Presumably to the voice cast, and while it does bring in some well-known voice actors (including John Goodman, Whoopi Goldberg, Debbie Reynolds, and Monty Python’s Eric Idle), they cannot save this special from mediocrity. 4/10

Rudolph’s Lessons for Life (1996): There’s a reason this special has been forgotten and isn’t even mentioned on Wikipedia. I only found out about it thanks to TV Tropes. Rudolph’s Lessons for Life feels like a remake of Max Fleischer’s Rudolph short, but a lot worse. At least the Fleischer short was good for the time. This special’s framerate feels like a PowerPoint presentation at points. The only copies that exist of this special are 240p VHS rips, so don’t bother watching unless you are a serious Rudolph completionist. 2/10

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys (2001): GoodTimes Entertainment’s second attempt at a Rudolph movie, this one continues from the original Rankin/Bass special and ignores the two sequels. This movie easily has the worst animation of all of them, summoning memories of Foodfight! to mind, and even if you look past the animation, it’s seriously uninspired. The plot lifts beats from the original Rankin/Bass special, and the villain is ripped from Toy Story 2. Perhaps the only decent plot element is a subplot about an island where toys can get plastic surgery? But even then, it’s wasted because they do nothing with it. And the celebrity voice cast--including Richard Dreyfuss, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Rick Moranis--do nothing to help. This is bad. Awful. Burn it. Purge it with fire. 1/10

And that’s my ranking! What do you guys think? Leave your own rankings in the comments below, feel free to discuss if you have any questions, and look out for my review sometime next month!

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Here’s the transcript of an interview LB did a couple of weeks ago. Be prepared to be annoyed at her not knowing wtf she’s taking about but pretending she does especially in the Darkling and the decision to make Alina half Shu sections:

https://www.penfaulkner.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Literature-on-Screen-Shadow-and-Bone-Transcript.pdf

So there were a few bits in this interview that I want to talk about. I am going to shock you here and say there were actually parts of this interview where I agree with what LB says and gave me the tiniest bit of hope. But before you get too worried its the parts where she is talking about season 2 and her involvement in the show and writing process. Here is what she said when asked what her involvement in season 2 is:

With season two, I've been able to be a little bit more involved in casting, costumes, production design, meeting with directors.

Then I think I am going to step back. I'm not going to be as involved in reading the scripts. I think at this point, we are going to be diverging quite a bit more, and it's all I can say. I really cannot say more than that. I'm about to be descended upon by Netflix assassins. For me, there has to be a moment of saying, “This doesn't belong to me anymore.” The books are mine, they will always be on the shelves, and this has its own life now.

She also said something similar a little later in the interview when talking about changes between the books and the show and how she got negative reactions to saying the show was like an expensive fanfiction:

Which to me is like, "Why are you so mad about fanfiction? It's amazing, first of all. Second, all adaptation is fan fiction. That's what it is. All adaptation is fan fiction." To me, this is the way adaptation should work, where you keep the core and you keep the heart, but you're allowed to play. Otherwise, you cannot ask, I think, a group of smart writers, talented directors, amazing actors to simply transcribe. I don't think that's exciting for anyone.

That funny thing about that second statement about tv adaptions basically being fanfiction is I said it myself in a post a while back. It does seem like LB is more open to changes from her book and it also looks like she is not going to be as involved with the writing process for season 2, we also have heard in other interviews that they are going to be diverting away from the books in the next season, whether that is a good or bad thing is yet to be seen but I do think it is a good thing that LB is taking a step back from the show, as she herself said the books are hers and they will always be there so the show should be the show and it should be allowed to have a life of its own. I've said before but I prefer it with tv adaptions if they don't follow the books because to me that's more exciting than if I know exactly what is coming next, I like to be surprised.

Something else I learned from this interview is this:

Eric Heisserer, he is our showrunner on Shadow and Bone season one and in season two he'll be co-show running with Daegan Fryklind who is one of the wonderful writers from season one.

So from a google search I found out that Daegan was the writer for episode 6 and episode 8. Again whether its a good or bad thing that she'll now be co-running the show with Eric I don't know but it is still an interesting bit of information and I'll take any info I can get on season 2.

However whilst I was feeling optimistic about everything LB was saying about season 2 and was actually kind of impressed at how she seemed to have let go a bit and was happier with the idea of changes from the books than she seemed in the past, but she then said this:

Petra: Following on from that, actually, somebody is asking, and I know you've said that the story is going to diverge from the books in future seasons, do you – Let's assume this is a spoiler too but I'm going to ask it anyways, and you can tell me to get lost. Do you want the shows and the books to end in the same place, the same way?

Leigh: Yes I do. [laughs] Yes, I do. Look, I wrote the books the way I wrote them for a reason, and that – I haven't seen any sense that that is going to change at all, but there are certain things that I know if we get to move forward will change because we'll want to see these characters continue in their adventures. Also because there's a finality to some things that happen in the books that then is sort of undone in later books, I'm really being abstruse here, but I guess my point is there are certain things that are essential to me that stay the same and certain things that I don't care. You learn which things and, fortunately, I've been on the same page with the writers from moment one.

Just no, please no, no, no. This I just don't understand ok. LB and the showrunners/writers must be aware of how unpopular the ending of her books were right? I mean I've seen an interview where LB herself says that she was aware that the ending was controversial amongst fans and that many of them were angry at the ending. You could put up a good argument that it was the thing people hated the most about her original trilogy, the ending. So why on earth would she or the showrunners want to keep that ending? Like any part of it? I mean she says there are some things she doesn't care if they are changed and others she thinks are essential they keep and unfortunately I feel like it most likely Alina losing her powers that she wants to keep and that for me was the worst part of the ending. To be honest it kind of makes me really wary about continuing with the show because I don't want to get invested in the show just to be really let down by the ending. Also if that many book readers didn't like the ending what do they think is going to happen when the tv viewers see that ending, its likely going to be game of thrones 2.0.

As you predicted some of the things she said about the darkling and Alina being half Shu did annoy me. I feel like with Alina being half shu she just sort of glossed over the question which the interviewer brought up the critique that she had wished that they had explored Alina's Shu heritage outside of just the racism she faces and dive deeper into that which LB just basically said they will be exploring more about what it means for Alina to be Shu and Ravkan in season 2. I will say I do hope that they do cover more of the other cultures particularly the Shu culture as we got to know a little about the fjerdan culture through Matthias but we know very little about the Shu culture.

As for the darkling I am not going to go too much into it because its not really anything new I'm just resigned to the fact that LB and I are always going to have different opinions on his character and not to sound too harsh but I don't really care what her opinion or views are anymore. One thing I will point out though is this little tidbit:

Leigh: Look, there's never been a problem creating sympathy for the Darkling. This is a very beloved character, sometimes to my great frustration.

I mean this is nothing us darklinas didn't already know but the next time an anti says that LB never had a problem with people liking the darkling/darklina show them this interview where she openly admits that she found it frustrating. I do kind of feel for her I guess it must be frustrating to write a villain that you meant for everyone to hate only for them to become the most loved/popular character in your series.

[mugglenet]

"I Hope This Confuses a Lot of People": "Weird Al" Yankovic and Daniel Radcliffe Talk Upcoming Biopic

New Post has been published on https://bit.ly/3qHJp6S

"I Hope This Confuses a Lot of People": "Weird Al" Yankovic and Daniel Radcliffe Talk Upcoming Biopic

In his post-Potter career, Daniel Radcliffe has made a name for himself as an actor who takes on roles that rock between niche and outlandish. His latest project, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, is a beautiful cross of both traits. Of course, “Weird Al” Yankovic himself isn’t one to shy away from taking that extra step to the wild side.

Yankovic and Dan discussed their expectations for the new biopic in an interview with the New York Times. The short version? The film’s title speaks for itself, and it will definitely get weird for viewers. Yankovic confirms that’s essentially the point.

We want to lead them down a path and think, “Is this a real biopic? Is this the real story?” The movie starts out pretty normal. Then it progressively goes way off the rails.

The story’s progression isn’t the only awkward part of the making of this film. Fans, and Dan himself, have commented that he looks nothing like a young version of the parody singer. Comments rolled in after the release of the teaser trailer, and nobody held back. “Am I the only one who thinks that Daniel Radcliffe being cast as Weird Al is bizarre? It looks like a fake biopic.” one user noted. Another agreed, saying, “Weird Al is 6 feet tall. Does Daniel do the entire film standing on a box?” All we have to say is that there seems to be a method to director Eric Appel and Yankovic’s madness because it was all part of the plan to throw viewers for a loop and have a fun time. 

Dan was already a fan of Yankovic’s songs when he was approached with the idea of playing the musician. He told the New York Times that he was “very, very into the idea” even without having a script at first.

Whenever I get a chance to throw myself into something, I will. There was definitely a freedom in the version of Al that is in the script. And it is so insane.

While both Yankovic and Dan are established household names, we can’t forget about the incredible supporting cast. Evan Rachel Wood (Westworld and Frozen II) is portraying Madonna, Rainn Wilson (The Office and Mom) plays a top hat-wearing Dr. Demento, and Quinta Brunson (Abbott Elementary and A Black Lady Sketch Show) is bringing her award-winning talent to the screen as talk show host Oprah Winfrey. 

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story will offer fans a vibrant perspective of the man who brought us songs like “Like A Surgeon,” “My Bologna,” “Fat,” and so many more. Plus, we cannot wait to enjoy way more of Dan getting voiced over by Yankovic. Because that combination of voice and face is a… unique blend, to say the least. 

The film debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival on September 8 and will be available for streaming from The Roku Channel on November 4.

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[whoacanada]

‘Wishful Thinking‘

Summary: Every NHL champion gets a single brush with ice magic. When Jack takes his first cup with the Falconers, he accidentally undoes the wish that brought him back from the brink of death in 2009, and Bitty becomes hell-bent on lifting the cup himself for a chance to set things right.

A/N: Finally posting some concepts I’ve played around with that aren’t 100% complete massive fics, but still pretty solid, just little things that might be enjoyed. Yet another cup-wish-gone-wrong-au with monkey-paw components. Also inspired by discord convos about canon!Jack meeting an older, veteran NHL!Bitty and having a lot of feelings. Also mentor/father-in-law!Bob trying to help Bitty navigate the NHL. There’s more to this floating around but this is the meat of it

____________

____________

Bob can sense when it happens. A shift of something monumental that he’s only felt on a handful of occasions his entire life. A quick glance across the ice finds a number of the celebrating Falconers looking around curiously, unsure of the sensation; for so many, it’s their first brush with ice magic. A pleasant novelty. The vets, though, they look to each other.

Bob turns and doesn’t have to look far to find his son, one hand clasped around the cup, the other around Eric Bittle’s waist, smiling from ear to ear. Something about the moment is wrong, but Bob can’t quite determine why as he’s overcome with a wave of nausea. The stadium lights are too bright and he blinks hard, face scrunching, trying to force whatever wrongness he’s feeling out of himself.

Someone’s made a wish.

The moment passes. Bob’s vision clears. There, veiled in a shower of blue and gold confetti, is Eric; alone at center ice, face twisted in confusion as he looks around for the man who only moments earlier had been in his arms.

“You take the cup, you get one real wish,” the decades old, bourbon-lacquered voice of his first coach reminds him. “But only the one. Can be something small, like an empty cab in the rain, or it can be something big. World changing, even. The one thing, the most important thing — ”

“No,” Bob breathes. “Please, no.”

“— You never use your wish on another player.”

____________

____________

____________

They don’t know exactly what Jack wished for, but the next time Bitty’s blades touch the ice, it’s as if he’s stepped into the body of a new man. No more slurs. No more targeted chirps. He’s just one of the boys.

He plays. He wins. Then, the offers start to come.

NHL teams looking for fast wingers, team players, leadership material; not one of them mentions diversity, or Eric’s status as the first out NCAA hockey captain. No one cares. No one remembers Jack, and no one cares about Eric.

The best and worst case scenarios rolled into one. If this is the reality Jack unknowingly traded his existence for, Bitty has no choice but to walk through the door his partner opened.

Bitty swallows, trying to force the words out on one of his now nightly calls with the man who would have been his father-in-law in another world, if the shared connection between them hadn’t been interred in a Montréal cemetery almost a decade prior.

“I think . . . I think he wished for acceptance.”

___________

___________

___________

“No one remembers anymore.”

Eric scuffs his skate against this ice, building up a small pile of shavings before scattering them again, focusing on the soft white as if somehow he’ll be able to transport himself bodily to somewhere cool and quiet. Jackson Hole. Banff. Tremblant. Anywhere but here. Anywhen but now.

“Saw Tater last week at a press junket. Blank stares all around. Some days, most days, I wake up and I don’t know how I got here. I can go without thinking of him.”

Weeks. Eric doesn’t say aloud. Months. Those hideous mornings when he wakes up beside a warm body and forgets they aren’t him. They aren’t supposed to be him. Was there ever even a him.

Jack. Eric mouths silently, just to remind himself. His name is Jack.

The details always slip. The universe constantly trying to correct the fallacy of Eric Bittle remembering a man who died before they technically ever met. Faded photographs and corrupted memory cards. Selfies that used to have two people in frame. Vlog posts with cosmic ADR, swapping Jack’s name for someone else’s like a hastily rewritten script. Eventually, even Eric’s memories turn traitor. First times lost to reshoots and post-production magic. Blue eyes are brown. Black hair is blonde. Jack becomes Phillip. Eric’s first love recast. In desperation, he pulls a page from Memento, finds a tattoo parlor and has ‘Jack Laurent Zimmermann’ inked in dark, unmistakable letters on his inner thigh. Adds a cup, the Falconers’ crest, and the date they lost everything. It works well enough until the name fades; there are still days where a hook up will ask why Eric has a championship tattoo for a team he never played with.

Now, all he has is Bob.

“That’s why I’m here.” Bob reminds. “That’s why we talk.”

“But what happens if we don’t.”

Bob’s familiar assurances rumble through the phone. Constant. Refusing to acknowledge the harsh realities of the passing of time. The ever-present doomsday clock moving them both toward disaster — Bob aging, Eric aging out. He’s good, but he isn’t great, and the only offers coming his way are single-season contracts with teams that haven’t sniffed a championship in years. One day very soon, there will be no more chances for Eric to undo what’s been done. No more favors to ask of teammates that have long since forgotten a world where Jack Zimmermann was a college graduate and a rookie MVP. Not just an addict. Not just dead at nineteen.

Eric listens to Bob ramble, asks him to tell him a story, to tell him about the Jack that Eric never really got to know. The Jack he can barely remember. A man that Eric has dedicated his entire life to honoring, to bringing back — from where he cannot fathom — and Bob obliges in a soft tone Eric imagines is not dissimilar from how he must have spoken to his son as a child.

Eric ignores his teammates rushing around him — tossing chirps and gentle insults about his ‘Sugar Daddy’ — and focuses on the accented voice in his ear; grasping desperately at the memory of a man who doesn’t exist. Pretending. Hoping.

__________

__________

Across the ice, Eric sees Kent Parson watching him. When they lock eyes, the aging star glides toward him, under a guise of one amicable captain greeting another. He’s pushing 37, and while the years of competitive play are starting to show, he’s just as viciously handsome as the day they first met. At least, Eric thinks he is. He can’t imagine a life where Kent Parson strolled onto a college campus and played beer pong at a frat party, but there’s a folder of old photos on Eric’s computer. Jack is in none of them, but there’s one of himself and Kent. Smiling.

Eric can’t recall why the image bothers him so much.

Parson used his wish years ago on something that he’s never bothered to share — and Eric’s far too much a gentleman to ask a man who was once a rival what he wasted his golden ticket on — but now, he’s slowing down, and this is supposed to be his farewell season. Going out with a bang, riding the high of his fifth cup win. He’s worked hard, and he deserves to shove the Penguins back down into obscurity for another season. Deserves it far more than Eric, with his selfish, single-mindedness that’s ruined god knows how many careers in the last decade between his own ruthlessness and Bob’s meddling.

Except. . . this is also likely Eric’s last season. His last chance to undo the great tragedy of his life, and Parson knows it.

“How you feeling, Peaches? You ready?”

Eric hates the nickname in the same way he hates when his father calls him ‘Champ’.

Eric fights his own shame because he wants to be honest, say, ‘No, I’m not ready, I’ll never be ready,’ but Eric can’t ask for what he wants, anymore. He wants the Aces to balk on a power play. He wants Parson to flub a pass and throw the game —  he even knows the man would probably do it, too — but Eric needs to come by a win honestly. They learned the hard way in 2022 when Eric hands were wrapped around the cup, wishing, praying, crying, pleading . . .

Clear eyes, full hearts, or some such bullshit.

Cheaters don’t get wishes.

“I can’t remember, anymore,” Eric admits as they square up across the face-off circle, the resigned terror of an inescapable end creeping upon him like the burn of an old injury ignored for far too long. “Kent. Please.” Parson leans down, rests his stick against the ice, and holds Eric’s gaze as if to say, I’m here. Trust me. Just play.

The puck drops.

________

________

________

There’s someone watching him, young, handsome with dark hair and the kind of bright blue eyes that scream ‘notice me’ with all of the biological bluntness of neon plumage and a mating dance. The man weaves through the crowd, unnoticed by Eric’s teammates, and comes close enough that Eric can’t help but assume familiarity. He must be a fan, the way he’s flushed and excitable.

Eric’s drunk enough on the moment that he’s happy to indulge his baser instincts. He also literally can’t remember the last time he brought company home and if there’s ever been a night to get laid, it’s this one.

“Crisse, look at you, Bits.”

The man is caught between being awestruck and simply struck, reaching out to touch Eric’s arm but not quite making contact, like his depth perception is the tiniest bit off. He drops Eric’s old nickname so easily, so earnestly, that for a moment Eric thinks they might already know each other — but that’s impossible. Eric would remember someone so handsome, so very much his type.

“Only my friends call me ‘Bitty’.” Eric cautions, raising his half-empty champagne bottle in a mock toast and flashing his best ‘you’re coming home with me tonight’ smile. “But I’m more than happy to to get acquainted with you, Sugar.”

Eric isn’t usually this forward, this unrestrained. Tonight, it doesn’t matter, he’s celebrating: another championship, the end of a career, a life well lived. It’s to be expected. What isn’t expected is how the man’s relieved smile falters; as if Eric’s unbridled joy is somehow misplaced.

“Bitty? It’s me.”

“And ‘me’ is called . . . ?”

On very few occasions in Eric’s life has he been able to witness true devastation first-hand; and those instances were related to deaths, hockey losses, or blackout morning afters.

“Jack.” The man says softly, face slack with surprise. “It’s. . . Jack. Bitty, you know me.”

“If we’ve met before, I’m sorry,” Eric apologizes, hating to see the kid look so defeated. “I meet so many people — ”

Over Jack’s shoulder, Eric catches sight of Bob Zimmermann and waves, delighting in the way Bob’s face lights up when he catches sight of Eric, practically going supernova when he notices Jack as well, crossing the ice like a man possessed; Bob moves to pull them both into a hug but Eric’s new friend holds up a defensive hand and Bob stops mid-gesture.

It’s extremely apparent something is off, and between the reporters, the confetti, the champagne, and the fans, Eric is missing all of the context clues.

“Just won my last cup,” Eric singsongs, gesturing with the bottle between his mentor and the man Eric would very much like to fuck — who look very similar now that Eric can see them side by side. “Everyone’s super excited, right? Yeah? So, what’s going on. Did someone die?”

“No.” Bob says quickly, eyes flicking between Jack and Eric warily. “No. Not . . . that.”

“Severely injured?”

“. . . Non.”

“Okay, then, we should be celebrating!” Eric throws his arms wide and nearly clocks a passing teammate. “No more party pooping, Bobbert. Speaking, this is my new friend, Jack. Jack, Bob, Bob, Jack. Though, I’m getting the feeling you two might know each other. Or might be . . . related.” Eric gasps and smacks his free palm against his forehead. “Oh my god, the Tremblant retreat? Is that where I know you from? Listen, I was fucked up on pain meds that whole weekend, I am so sorry if we’ve already met.”

Despite Eric’s continued attempts at clarifying their shared mystery past, Jack keeps looking at Bob with that same wounded expression and it’s really killing Eric’s buzz.

“Bob.” Eric redirects. “Help me, here. Cutie’s nervous.”

“Eric, this is my, ah, well,” Bob’s smile is so forced, so tense, it looks more like a grimace. “Well, this is my son, Jack.”

There is only one ‘Jack’ Eric has ever known in relation to Bob Zimmermann, and he is not someone to be mentioned in polite conversation.

“Your son?” Eric echoes slowly. “Your son, Jack.”

Bob realizes what Eric’s tiptoeing around and casts a furtive glance toward the younger man, lifting two fingers to his cheek conspiratorially to imply ‘it’s a long story, not meant for public ears’. Eric knows how to play along.

“Wow, okay, did not expect that, but now that you’re saying it, I can one-hundred-percent tell. You have the same, well, everything.”

Eric takes Jack’s hand for an obligatory shake, not missing the way Jack’s features twist up into something caught between flattery and misery, before staring down his pseudo-mentor.

“My question is this, where have you’ve been hiding him — because how long have I know you, Bobby? Shame.”

“I’ve been . . . away.”

Jack’s tone is weighted with context Eric absolutely does not possess, but can definitely read into. Given the age difference and Alicia’s conspicuous lack of attendance this evening, Jack’s definitely a love child from some 90s Zimmergroupie. Or, original Jack didn’t actually OD and Bob spirited away his kid to keep away the prying eyes of the public; but that wouldn’t explain the age difference or the shared name.

Oh, Bobbert.

“Couldn’t wheel him out too soon,” Bob jokes, but Eric can tell the man’s heart isn’t in it, reinforcing Eric’s suspicion.

“Well, I’m happy you did,” Eric says graciously, trying to smooth over the awkwardness. “He’s very handsome, when he isn’t doing this Eeyore impression.”

“Just like his father,” Bob says reflexively —  defensively —  as Jack goes pink. “Eric, will you excuse us for a moment? Back in five minutes, tops.”

Eric offers a gracious wave, gaze lingering on Jack’s retreating back — and backside, bless — watching Bob rest a firm hand on his son’s neck, gripping tightly to lean in and furiously whisper something. As Eric watches, Jack looks back over his shoulder; it’s not the fond glance of a potential paramour. Regret, maybe? Grief, definitely.

He must be as disappointed to be cock-blocked by his father as Eric is.

Across the ice, Kent Parson has rushed Jack, gathering him into a crushing embrace that the younger man returns easily —  burying his face against Parson’s pads; pulling back only when Parson grabs Jack’s shoulders to push him away, taking a long look at him, holding his face between his hands briefly before pulling Jack back into his arms.

They don’t just look like old friends, it’s a reunion of desperation, like the videos his mother sends of soldiers coming home from war, but before Eric can think better of it, a teammate fists a hand in the collar of Eric’s sweater and pulls — away from Bob’s forlorn love child and forgotten first meetings — and the night goes on.  

Bob doesn’t return. Neither does Jack.

Eric doesn’t even notice.

__________

__________

[let-it-raines]

I Hope We Never See October (1/?)

Summary: When his personal life and football career go up in flames, Killian Jones escapes England for America, finding seclusion in Martha’s Vineyard in order to hide from his demons. It’s a fresh start, or at the very least a paused moment in his life, and all he needs is a few months alone to allow his heart to heal. He doesn’t count on meeting Emma Swan.

Emma’s life depends on tourists who come to the island every summer. It’s how she makes her money working in restaurants and clubs across the vineyard, but every year, she cannot wait until autumn comes and her life returns to normal. She especially cannot wait for Killian Jones to leave.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Do you know what’s a great way to distract yourself from writing and other responsibilities? By writing a story that you shouldn’t be writing. So, here we are, and I hope you enjoy 😂

On AO3 | Here | 

-/-

June

The ocean water runs over his toes before disappearing, heading back to its home beyond the sand. It’s a cool contrast against the heat of the sun that’s warmly beating down on his skin, but it matches the chill of the beer bottle against his palm. Who knows what time it is? From the emptiness of the beach, Killian is guessing it’s mid-morning, but seriously, who the hell knows anymore?

Likely everyone other than him.

After more water washes over his feet and up his ankles, he decides the water is too cold to stay standing this close to the shoreline, so he walks up the path to his house and closes the gate behind him. He sits down at the bench by his pool and then buries his face in his hands before moving to take a sip of the beer.

God, he hopes it’s not truly the morning because he’s one second away from tipping the bottle enough for the beer to tumble down his throat.

Killian yanks it away and tosses it to the ground. He expects the damn thing to shatter against the tile, but it doesn’t. It rolls away into the grass, spilling a little beer with every turn until it stops against the tall grass lining the gate. Killian bends down and picks up another bottle, popping it open, then pouring it out. He does the same thing over and over again until his grass is fertilized with alcohol.

At least his body isn’t.

What a thought to have (presumably) so early in the morning.

His eyes close, the sun no longer blinding his vision, and he starts picking up the bottles, chasing them around and cursing himself for even buying the damn case in the first place. He has no clue what damn day it is, but he does know that it’s too damn early for him to be drinking. And if he’s going to get wasted and waste his day, he might as well do it with rum or whiskey. He doesn’t even like beer.

Killian chucks the bottles in the bin resting against the side of the rental house and goes through the side door into the kitchen. It’s clean today, all the white countertops empty of plates and pitchers and the junk that accumulates over time. The living room is clean as well, all the pillows in the right place, the throw blankets over the correct corners of couches, and he can see vacuum lines in the rug. He’s sure if he were to walk to the mantle, it’d be empty of dust. Ariel must have sent someone in to clean yesterday while he was away from the house. He’s got to have her stop doing that. He’s thirty-five years old. He can clean the house he’s staying in. He doesn’t need her taking care of his life for him.

Though, it is literally her job, but Ariel takes things far past being his manager. He doesn’t know anyone else who does all the things she does for their client, especially when he isn’t bringing in the same amount anymore. Sponsors aren’t exactly lining up at the door for disgraced football – not the American kind as everyone here believes – players, but he still has a few hanging around and good enough investments that he’ll be alright for a long while. Bored as hell with too much time for him to wander to bars in Martha’s Vineyard before talking himself out of them and sitting in a twenty-four-hour diner all night. He’s got his favorites. One has better coffee than the others, but the booths aren’t clean. Another has clean booths but a piss excuse for coffee, and his favorite has a selection of pies that have him eating in ways he hasn’t since he was young. Still, they’re all pathetic little places for him to spend his time so he doesn’t drink more than he can tolerate.

At least no one knows him here. It’s actually why he’s here to begin with. There are obviously less famous towns and places in the world, but he wanted to be near the ocean, wanted to at least have that if he was going to be in disgraced isolation. This area has beach for miles and different nooks to disappear into, and so far, it’s nice. He’d rather be in London or New York, but he knows this is better.

He collapses onto the couch and sees a note on the coffee table in Ariel’s neat script. When was she even here? Honestly.

Killian, Eric and I are in town for the week. Please come to lunch at our house. We’d love to have you! I know you don’t have anything better to do, so don’t bother calling me with an excuse. Hope you enjoy the clean house!

-   A

He runs his hand over his face and scratches at his too-long beard before fumbling for his phone and checking the date and time. It’s half past eight. He can get two, maybe three, hours of sleep now, and he’ll only look half as pissed as he feels when he makes his way to Ariel and Eric’s house a few miles over in Tisbury.

At least he isn’t actually pissed. Always the positives, he guesses.

-/-

Ariel’s house is covered in gray shingles with white trim. The shutters are cherry red, much like her hair, and while there are obvious updates to the place, it looks just as it did in the pictures he’s seen from when Ariel was young. She was raised here, her father a local fisherman, and while she now resides outside of London, on occasion, she returns to Tisbury for a holiday. It’s why he chose to holiday here even if he’s over in Edgartown on the beach in a house too large for one person. He spent years listening to her talk about her childhood, and then visiting when she married Eric here, and he wanted that calm sense of relaxation.

Right now, however, he wants nothing more than to be back in a city. The firing squad won’t be as intrusive there where he can get lost in a crowd instead of being the center of attention.

Killian opens the unlocked front door that squeaks on its hinges, and he immediately smells garlic bread baking in the oven. She must be making her pasta, and his stomach growls for real food. As he walks through the hall at the entrance of the house, he notices that everything is the same, all the family portraits are in the same places, there are a few too many nautical decorations, but it all works. Killian looks into the kitchen, sees that it’s empty, and calls out for Ariel and Eric, no answer. He takes the liberty of checking the oven, and when he notices the bread is slightly overdone, he grabs an oven mitt and takes it out, placing the tray on the stove.

Where the hell are they?

He pushes open the kitchen door that leads to the backyard, and he sees two figures toward the side of the yard. Killian sighs and walks over to them, only stopping when he realizes it’s three people instead of two.

Ariel and Eric are talking to a gorgeous woman in a pair of small white shorts and a fitted polo. She’s got long, thick blonde hair pulled off her neck, and he can’t stop glancing down at her legs. He doesn’t usually pay much attention to people anymore, unless of course they are paying attention to him, but he cannot help but notice her. Because she’s stunning, of course, but also because he wasn’t expecting to see anyone else. He thought they would be isolated, and his gut tells him to turn around and run.

He doesn’t.

“Hello?” he starts, and they all turn to him. “I, uh, took your bread out of the oven.”

“Oh shit,” Ariel mumbles. “I forgot I’d put the bread in the oven. Is it burned?”

“No, I think I saved it just in time, love.”

Ariel’s shoulders deflate, and then she’s closing the distance between them, hugging him tightly, before Eric does the same and claps him on his back several times. He’s missed them, and it feels good to be embraced by something other than a heavy blanket. When Eric releases him, Killian can see the woman still standing in the yard, shifting on her feet.

“Hello,” he greets, nodding in her direction.

“Hi,” she nods back.

“Oh, Emma,” Ariel begins, walking over to her and grabbing her arm, “this is my friend, Killian. He’s staying on the island for awhile. Killian, this is Emma. We rent the house to her for most of the year, so we’ve invaded her home this week, I’m afraid.”

“It’s fine,” Emma says. “You guys basically give me the place for free, and I picked up some extra shifts at the club. I’d never be home anyway.”

“What do you do, love?”

“Not your love,” she corrects, and he feels the sting even if he uses the term for many a woman, “and I’m a manager at a little place by the shore, but sometimes during the summer I’ll wait tables at the local country club for extra money. The people will treat you like shit, but at least they tip well since they have no concept of real-life money.”

“What’s the restaurant?” he asks. “Maybe I could eat there.”

Her brows raise, and he gets the feeling she’s not a fan of the idea of him disturbing her at work. He gets the feeling she’s not a fan of him at all. Funny, his first impressions are usually better than this.

“The Blue Dog Tavern.” She points to the logo on her shirt. “I actually have to go there now. I just had to drop by and get my shirt since my boss is coming by today. I’ll stay out of your way when I get home tonight,” she tells Ariel and Eric. “It’ll be like I’m not even here.”

“Oh, no, honey,” Ariel sighs, smiling at Emma, “we’re the ones disturbing you. I promise, it’ll be a fast week, and then everything can go back to normal.”

Emma nods with a tight smile, and he definitely gets the idea that she isn’t a fan of having Ariel and Eric here. He wouldn’t be either if he had to share his home with his landlords. She walks away into the kitchen, leaving the door open behind her, and Killian makes a note of the restaurant she mentioned, not necessarily to see her but to venture somewhere that isn’t a twenty-four-hour diner.

“Is that why I couldn’t stay here?” Killian asks. “Because you already rent it out?”

“Yep. Plus, it’s not on the beach, and that was your request. This isn’t really to your taste anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, A?”

She shrugs and walks toward the kitchen. “Nothing. I’ve got to finish cooking. I was just about to put the pasta on the stove when Emma came in through the back gate, and I got distracted. Thanks for saving the bread, Jones.”

“Is she okay?” Killian asks Eric.

“Yeah, mate, she’s fine.” He claps his hand onto Killian’s shoulder. “And what she meant by that is that you’re an ex-football player who is hiding from the world and is used to a certain kind of luxury. You’d lose your mind living in this house for months. It’s smaller than a quarter of your flat back home.”

“I would not lose my mind living here. It’s charming.”

Eric rolls his eyes. “You would. I think the giant crab pillow in the living room would be what pushed you over the edge.”

“That thing is still here?”

“It’ll never leave, and I’ve offered to pay Emma to get rid of it many times. I think she throws it out, and it finds its way back inside.”

Killian snickers and settles down on the bench of the dining table they keep outside, letting Eric follow. He feels like he hasn’t talked to another human being in ages, and he’s only been here for a few weeks. “You know her pretty well then? Emma?”

“No,” Eric starts, waving his hand, “no, no, no, no. You cannot go there.”

“What the hell are you on about? I can’t go where?”

“Emma. You can’t go there. She’s not a one-night stand for you. She lives here, takes care of it since we’re gone all the time. You can’t mess that up. Ariel would murder you if you screwed this arrangement up.”

Killian flashes a smile, the ones he’s used to get whatever he wants a million times. There’s an art to being in the public eye, one he figured out only to ruin it all over again, but he still knows the old tricks. Smile, be charming, never let them see any hesitation in your actions. If a question is too invasive or the answer to telling, redirect. It’s all about the redirection. Killian was never one to lie, but he was certainly one to evade, especially toward the end when he couldn’t handle hearing what everyone had to say.

Here, he doesn’t want to admit that Eric might be right about him, but mostly, he’s tired of people controlling his life because they think he can’t make good decisions.

“What?” he laughs, shaking his head. “You think I’m not capable of simply asking about a woman?”

“I think you are, but I don’t want Ariel to have any reason to kill you.”

“Eric,” Ariel yells from the kitchen, stopping Killian before he can speak, “set the table! We can eat in fifteen.”

Saved by the bell. Or the Ariel.

He hates himself a little for rhyming in his head. If this is how he thinks sober, he’s not sure he wants to stay this way.

“And Killian,” Ariel calls, “you can make the lemonade!”

Okay, so maybe he can, if only because Ariel will kill him if he collapses into the pit again, and she won’t be the only one. He’s had a few downfalls into drowning in alcohol since coming here. Maybe it’s boredom, maybe it’s sadness, who the hell knows? What he does know is that it makes the demons all disappear for the night, sometimes the morning too, but then it all comes roaring back in screaming color.

And with a hell of a screaming headache.

One or two drinks every few days, he reminds himself. That’s what he’s working with, and besides the few slips, he’s been pretty damn successful.

Killian heads inside to help Ariel, though he thinks he hinders her more than helps since he can’t find a damn thing, but eventually they get it all done and eat. Mostly, he has to listen to Ariel give him a briefing on things he has to do over the next few weeks. He has contracts to sign, video interviews and conferences to attend, and they need to happen at certain times. That’s a bit obnoxious, but he can’t complain. He’d be the biggest ass in the world if he did, and he’s certainly already in the running for that title. People still want his face and brand to represent them, and he doesn’t even kick around a ball anymore.

Fools. All of them.

Ariel asks him to stay for dessert, but he’s already eaten too much off his usual diet. Old habits die hard, and he isn’t working out like he used to. Maybe he’ll take up running again soon, but right now, the thought is exhausting. Killian excuses himself from the table, hugging the Fishers goodbye and wishing them goodnight. He’s sure he’ll see them before they return to England and go back to their regular lives. Ariel still has Will and Rob to manage, so she can’t spend all of her time on him. There are other pieces of work out there.

The streets are crowded as Killian drives back to his rental house. Tourists and native islanders alike are out to go to dinner or bars, likely a party or two, and while Killian is tempted to take a turn and go out himself, he doesn’t. He continues along the GPS guide back to his rental house until the garage door is closing behind him.

Day seventeen of being here - now that he knows the date, he’s reminded of when he arrived - is done and dusted, and he cannot wait to close his eyes and go to sleep. He’s been running on fumes all day.

Once inside, Killian quickly showers and puts on a pair of pajama bottoms, collapsing under the covers of his bed as soon as possible. So, of course, that’s when his phone rings.

“It’s bloody half past one in the morning where you are.”

“And only half past eight where you are, so why are you in bed? You look horrible.”

Killian groans and pinches his nose as he props the phone up to get a better look at the screen. “Thanks, Els.”

“No problem.” She flips her blonde braid over her shoulder, and despite the time, she looks as if she could be up and ready for work in minutes. “I was up, couldn’t sleep, and I figured I needed to check on you. I’m sorry I don’t have the girls with me.”

“Did you tell Ally and Sophia I love them?”

“I tell them every day, but I think they’d appreciate it more if they heard it from their actual uncle.”

“I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Good,” Elsa sighs. She adjusts herself on her couch, pulling her blanket up higher on her body, and the familiar pang of guilt hits Killian. It happens anytime he talks to just Elsa. The girls act as a buffer, and he feels guilty for using them like that. He feels guilt about a lot of things. “How are you?”

“Good,” he lies. “Really good. I think I’m going to take up real running again soon, maybe finally check out the gym in the basement of this house. What about you, love?”

“I’m okay. Work has kept me really busy, which I like. I have this one house with the biggest garden I’ve ever seen, and designing it has proven to be a bit of a challenge. But I miss spending time with the girls. Anna has been such a big help, though. I love having her here.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure that’s great.” Killian runs his hand through his hair, yanking at the strands, and sinks a little further into the bed. It’s nice that Anna is around, that she’s been around this entire time while Killian fucked off across western Europe and then eventually to America. Yet again, he’s let someone he loves down because he’s an absolute tosser. “It’s nice to have a family you can count on.”

“Hey, don’t start that again, Killian. I’m not here for self-pity. You’ve had a hard year, and you needed some time away. No one is blaming you for that.”

“I’m not the one who lost my husband, love. I wasn’t left with two little girls with no father.”

Killian tilts his head up so he doesn’t have to see Elsa as water gathers around his eyes. Today was an okay day. Started off rough, but it ended up being alright. Now he’s gone and made Elsa talk about Liam’s death instead of having a normal conversation with her.

“My grief doesn’t negate yours, darling. You lost your brother, who was your best friend, and you lost the career you spent your entire life building. We can both be sad. It’s not a competition.”

Killian blows air out his nose and blinks the forming tears away. “How’d you get so wise?”

“Well, you see, when a child with a head the size of a football comes out of your vagina, you get special emotional intelligence. It’s something to do with all the hormones and pain.”

Killian finally looks down at his phone to see Elsa laughing, and the corners of his mouth twitch. “You make me glad to be a man.”

“You should be glad. You’re at least fifteen steps ahead of every woman in the world. Now, come on, I want to hear about everything you’ve been doing. Have you made any friends?”

“What am I? A lad in reception?”

“No, because my child in reception has many friends.”

Killian rolls his eyes. “Well, I met the loveliest waitress last night. Reminded me of my Gran, and, uh, today I met the woman who lives in Ariel and Eric’s house. Don’t think she was a fan of me.”

“However could a woman resist your charms?”

He laughs, even if he doesn’t appreciate the sarcasm, and this time when he sinks a little deeper into the bed, it’s for comfort and not to hide. When Killian got the news Liam died in a Naval accident, it felt like his world was ending, that the ground was crumbling underneath his feet. He was at the club warming up to head out onto the pitch, and suddenly his sacred place wasn’t so sacred. He couldn’t understand any words leaving Elsa’s voice over the phone. Everything was ringing, and his legs collapsed from underneath him.

He’ll never forget that day. One moment everything in his world was right, and then it wasn’t. and he’ll never get over the fact that Elsa has been the one who has had to continue holding him up when she lost someone too.

“Well, if their names are Ally and Sophia Jones, they are experts at resisting my charms.”

“Unless you give them sweets.”

Killian chuckles. “Those are my good charms.” Elsa smiles and yawns on the other end of the line. “Els, I think you need to go to sleep. I promise to call the girls tomorrow.”

She nods and flips her braid over. “Don’t go breaking your promises to them.”

“Never, love. I’m a man of my word.”

Or, at least, he used to be. His word seems to falter lately, but mostly only his words to himself. Killian looks out the glass doors and windows toward the ocean, watching the water crest much like this morning, but he hopes that tomorrow morning he won’t be standing there with a bottle of beer in his hands.

Maybe he can keep that promise to himself at least.

-/-

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Tag list: @qualitycoffeethings​ @marrtinski​ @klynn-stormz​ @scarletslippers​ @elizabeethan​ @jrob64​ @snowbellewells​ @therealstartraveller776​ @thejollyroger-writer​ @cowboys-likeme​ @galaxyzxstark​ @galadriel26​ @idristardis​ @karenfrommisthaven​ @teamhook​ @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @superchocovian​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @mariakov81​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda @andiirivera​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @captain-emmajones​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @capthamm​ 

(You can be added or removed at any time. I don’t know where my list went, so I’ve just taken it from my last story 😘)

[ljones41]

"LOST" RETROSPECT: (2.07) "The Other 48 Days"

"LOST" RETROSPECT: (2.07) "The Other 48 Days" I cannot deny that "LOST" will always be one of my top twenty (20) favorite television series of all time. Nor can I deny that despite my feelings about it, the writing had been flawed on many occasions. If there is an episode that truly reflected my positive feelings about the series, it is the Season Two episode called (2.07) "The Other 48 Days".

This episode is probably my TOP favorite one in the entire series. Before "The Other 48 Days" aired, I had been watching"LOST" for at least a little over a month. In fact, (2.02) "Adrift" was the very first episode I had ever watch. Although I did watch most of the episodes that aired between "Adrift" and "The Other 48 Days", I found it difficult to feel the series' magic. I was about to give up on the series for good when "The Other 48 Days" aired in late November 2005. Not only did I enjoy the episode, I became a permanent fan of the series. The plot for "The Other 48 Days" proved to be very simple. It chronicled those first forty-eight days that the Tail Section survivors (the Tailies) of Oceanic Flight 815 experienced on the island. Most of the episode focused upon the minutes following the plane crash, to the Tailies' encounter with Fuselage survivors Jin Kwon, Michael Dawson and James "Sawyer" Ford (which happened at the end of "Adrift"). The remaining few minutes of the episode is basically a montage of the Tailies and the three Fuselage survivors experiences between (2.03) "Orientation" and (2.06) "Abandoned", when one of the Tailies accidentally shot and killed series regular character Shannon Rutherford. If one thought that the experiences of the Fuselage Section survivors were traumatic, what they had experienced was a piece of cake in compare to the Tail Section survivors. Unlike the Fuselage passengers, the Tailies had no medical doctor/surgeon, a wanted convict with a talent for tracking, a "Great White Hunter", a son of a South Korean fisherman, the fisherman's daughter-in-law with a talent for botany, a construction worker, or a former member with the Iraqi Republican Guard with a talent for communications. Instead, the Tail Section survivors had a former LAPD cop, a Nigerian warlord-turned-drug runner-turned-priest, a flight attendant, a dentist and clinical psychologist. Hmmmm. From my point of view, only the cop and the former warlord proved to be potential leaders for this group of survivors. Without a medical doctor, the Tailies had to witnessed the deaths of those survivors who had been seriously injured. They also lacked supplies, luggage and some foodstuffs from the plane's Fuselage section. Both groups were infiltrated by men spying on behalf of the island's long time inhabitants known as "the Others". Because the Tailies' beach camp was situated not far from the Others' complex, they were harassed and terrorized by the island inhabitants from Day One, to that Forty-Eighth day that marked Shannon's death. In fact, the Others managed to kidnap a total of twelve survivors from the Tailies' camp on Days One and Twelve. On that last 48th day, they finally snatched the flight attendant. The only Fuselage survivor that ended up kidnapped was Claire Littleton. Unlike the snatched Tailies, Claire only spent eleven days as one of the Others' captive during those 48 days. Compare to the Fuselage survivors, the Tail Section survivors came close to experiencing their own version of "Lord of the Flies". Was there anything about "The Other 48 Days" that I did not like? I did not care much for that montage that marked the last three days that the Tailies spent with Michael, Sawyer and Jin. It seemed like a waste of air time. But I suspect that Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse needed some kind of filler leading to that moment from “Abandoned”, when Shannon was shot. I could complain that "LOST" never fully explained why the Others snatched some of the Tail Section survivors in the first place. But that is not the fault of this particular episode's writing, considering that the series is a serial drama. My biggest complaint about "The Other 48 Days" is that the Tail Section survivors' story was told in one episode. I truly regret this. In some ways, I found their story a lot more fascinating than the experiences of the Fuselage survivors during that first month-and-a-half. Between the deaths of the injured passengers, the kidnappings by the Others, the power struggles and paranoia between the survivors, the consequences of an Other's spy in their midst, brief contact with a Fuselage survivor via a short-wave radio and God knows what . . . the Tailies' story could have provided an interesting contrast to the Fuselage survivors during the series' first season.

The character of Ana-Lucia Cortez was first introduced to "LOST" viewers in the Season One finale, (1.23) "Exodus, Part 1", when she flirted with lead character Dr. Jack Shephard at an airport bar in Sydney. By the time the viewers saw her again, she had transformed into a hardened and brusque leader, lacking in any patience with the likes of Michael, Sawyer and Jin; and struggling to stay a step ahead of the Others' harassment. Many of the series' fans grew to hate her, complaining of her character's tough exterior. At the same time, they praised the Mr. Eko character, who proved to be the former Nigerian warlord-turned-priest, for being such a badass in their eyes. I had forgotten that despite the advent of civil rights regarding race and gender, we still live in a very prejudiced society. Apparently, it was okay for a man like Mr. Eko to be tough, but not a woman. Especially not a woman in a leader position. A woman can be tough like Kate Austen or Juliet Burke, as long as they maintain a superficial projection of femininity and find themselves stuck in a love story or mother role. I adored Ana-Lucia from the moment when she first punched Sawyer in (2.04) "Everybody Loves Hugo". And even after another four seasons, she has remained one of my favorite characters in the series. Before "LOST", I had viewed Michelle Rodriguez as a mediocre actress. I still cannot regard her as a great actress, but her portrayal of the stress-ridden Ana-Lucia had developed her into a very good one. And it took two scenes - one of Ana-Lucia's confrontation with the Others' spy and her emotional breakdown in Mr. Eko's arms - that made me realize that Rodriguez had come far as an actress in the five-to-six episodes she had appeared on "LOST" by "The Other 48 Days".  To this day, I consider Ana-Lucia Cortez to be her best role.  Another performer that truly caught my eye was Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who portrayed the fascinating Mr. Eko. To be honest, I first noticed Akinnuoye-Agbaje in the 2001 movie, "THE MUMMY RETURNS" and 2002's "THE BOURNE IDENTITY". He was memorable in both movies and very entertaining. But his portrayal of Mr. Eko proved to be more complex. Yes, he could be a frightening badass. But at the same time, Akinnuoye-Agbaje injected a great deal of pathos and compassion into his performance, allowing his Mr. Eko to become a more complex character than the ones I have seen him in past movies before his stint on “LOST”. I feel that Cynthia Watros had received a raw deal during her time on "LOST". Thanks to her performance as clinical-psychologist Elizabeth "Libby" Smith, she presented a complex woman behind a superficially likable woman. I am not saying that Libby was an unlikable woman. But considering that she had encouraged Ana-Lucia to do something about a survivor named Nathan, whom they suspected of being an Others spy; and in the next episode, dumped all of the blame surrounding Nathan's death on Ana; I found myself wondering about her true nature. I like to view "The Other 48 Days" and the following episode, (2.08) "Collision" as some of Watros' finest work on the series. Fortunately for Sam Anderson, he got a chance to stretch his stuff in more episode. He certainly did an excellent job as Bernard Nadler, the dentist who happened to be married to one of the Fuselage's survivors. Kimberly Joseph was first introduced as flight attendant Cindy Chandler in the series' early Season One episodes. Her character was eventually kidnapped by the Others just before Shannon's death in "Abandoned". As one can see, I do not have much to say about Cindy. Joseph gave a solid performance in the episode. In fact, most of her performances have solid throughout the series' run. I have been aware of Brett Cullen since I first saw him in the television Western, "THE YOUNG RIDERS". I have seen him in many television and movie roles over the years - especially during the first two seasons of "PERSONS OF INTEREST". But I feel that Goodwin Stanhope might be one of the best roles in his career. I was especially impressed by his screen chemistry with Michelle Rodriguez, making his relationship with Ana-Lucia on of the most interesting during the series' run. What else can I say about "The Other 48 Days"? It is a dark and fascinating television episode marked by an epic story line about survival, trust and paranoia, thanks to a superb script written by Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof. It also features first-rate direction from Eric Laneuville, and some excellent performances - especially from Michelle Rodriguez, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and Brett Cullen. After my latest viewing of the episode, I still wish the Tail Section survivors’ story had been stretched over more episodes. 

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I don't know how much this adds to the discussion regarding Animorphs being children's lit, but I think it's important to keep in mind that kids' books can get away with heavier themes than kids' shows tend to, so if someone's coming into the discussion with the framework of "for children" they may need to keep in mind that as a book it can cover more ground than a tv show that grownups just have to glance at to decide if it's "too much" for their kiddos (whether it is too much or not).

This definitely adds to the discussion of Animorphs as children’s lit!  I think you’re hitting the nail right on the head.  Many people don’t realize this (I didn’t realize this until I was in college and had a class on the subject) but television shows have to justify themselves to a metric shitton of people before they’re allowed to go on the air.  Books only have to justify themselves to a moderate-sized committee, if that.

People who have the power to veto content on TV shows include (but are not limited to): individual writers who have a particular idea, head writers who don’t like the idea, script editors who might take it out, directors who refuse to film what they don’t like, videographers or artists who add their own creative vision to ideas, visual effects teams who can cut things based on budget, voice actors who can protest decisions they don’t like, episode editors who might take an idea out, producers who won’t back anything that might cause controversy, studio executives who can pull content that’s not “on brand,” national network crews that can decide not to air certain content, local network crews that can also decide not to air certain content, and future “backers” who might decide not to invest in a show based on its content.

People who have the power to veto content in books include: the author with the idea, the agent who publicizes it, the editor who polishes it, and the publishing agent who sells the idea.  At most.

Nowadays, one can self-publish one’s own work with ZERO outside input, or else very little.  The Martian was read by exactly two (2!) people before Andy Weir put it on the internet, and it became an international bestseller.  It would be possible to make a self-published TV show with that little outside input… but most platforms wouldn’t promote it, and would probably take it down if it got hate-reported or had content violations.  Not only that, but (as Cates pointed out) books get edited as content that has already been written, in a story that already exists.  Shows get edited in the context of deciding whether it’s worth the trouble to write an idea that’s still hypothetical.

Television is ultra-conservative (in the sense of never rocking any boats in any direction) because it has to please hundreds of people with creative input and to justify its multi-million-dollar budgets.  Books can reach the minimum production value necessary to be good with the influence of one person (okay, lbr, two people) and fifty bucks for printing or web-hosting fees.  That’s the reason that only 42% of non-animated roles and 39% of animated roles go to women on TV, including only 12% of non-animated roles and 4% of animated roles going to women of color.  By contrast, 63% of children’s lit on The Atlantic’s bestsellers list is written by women, about female protagonists; that’s not counting books by men about female protagonists.  (They didn’t collect data on authors’ ethnicity; if anyone has this stat, HMU.)

It’s the reason that Arthur just made national news THIS FUCKING YEAR by depicting a same-sex (traditional) (Christian-coded) wedding ceremony, one that local networks in Alabama chose not to air.  Meanwhile, in 2015 Cates presented a conference paper about the history of kids’ picture books with queer protagonists, a history that goes back to 1981 (Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin) and covers such mainstream 1990s series as Bruce Coville’s Magic Shop and Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants.  We see the importance of the lack of gatekeepers: for instance, the author of Heather Has Two Mommies struggled to get a mainstream children’s press to pick up her book, so she went to a lesbian publisher, which ended up creating an entirely new branch for children’s books.  (Apparently there were entire publishing houses just for lesbian books in 1987?  The more you know.)  One other interesting case study for queer content is Gore Vidal: in 1948 he published what would today be classified as a YA gay romance novel (The City and the Pillar) but in 1959 he had to “code” and hide the queer content in the Hollywood film (Ben-Hur) that he also wrote.  Television to this day uses queer-coding in lieu of actual romance, especially when it’s kids’ TV (see: Legend of Korra or Adventure Time), while children’s literature has already made the push all the way into demanding that the queer romances in Grasshopper Jungle and Geography Club be more intersectional.

To be clear, it’s not like children’s books have carte blanche in this regard — Applegate and Grant have both apologized for having to code Mertil and Gafinilan rather than just marrying them off, and have expressed regret over not getting to write an openly bisexual Marco or openly trans Tobias.  But kids’ books can still fly under the radar of the wowsers in a way that kids’ shows often cannot.

Anyway.  Queer representation is obviously just one of a plethora of issues that get very different treatment in children’s books vs. children’s shows.  There are plenty of others.  Children’s shows can depict violence, but have to treat it as silly or inconsequential and avoid showing blood.  (Because that’s a great way to teach kids about not harming others!!!)  Children’s books can have as much blood — and, apparently, as many spilled entrails — as they would like, as long as those things don’t happen in the first couple of pages or make the cover summary.  Neal Shusterman is responsible for some of the most cringe-inducingly silly AniTV episodes, and also some of the most brutally unflinching works of children’s literature I’ve ever read.  American screen media are no longer subject to the Hays Code, but its marks still remain.  American literature has pretty much always been the Wild West, and with the advent of online self-publishing, the west is getting wilder.

Don’t judge a book by its movie.  And don’t judge a book by its show.  AniTV is tame and silly, treating its violence as inconsequential and its characters’ mental health struggles as harmlessly or innocent.  Animorphs has the courage to show that when you shoot a man he doesn’t just silently fall over and disappear but bleeds and screams and dies, that being a victim or a perpetrator of such violence can leave even “innocent kids” fighting for their lives against PTSD and depression.  It has the courage… but it also has the freedom to do so.  That’s an extremely important distinction that should not be overlooked.

[zen3to5]

J/H 4-27: Love, Wisconsin Style

And here we go - Season 4 finale!

I didn't know when I started this project just how I'd end Season 4, and it was tricky to figure out. The goal was, without changing anything about the end of Season 5 (there will be a few Season 5 scripts coming, but none past the halfway point of the season), to make the ending of Season 4 give more weight to Hyde's insecurity and paranoia about Jackie and Kelso there. Feedback on how well that goal was met would be most welcome.

(I should say that I like the end of Season 5 quite a bit as it is. But, this being a project all about finding connective tissue between two different points in the show's run, I went a little further with that here.)

FF.Net AO3

***

SHOW TITLE   MUSIC NOTE: “Whatcha Gonna Do” by Pablo Cruise.   INT. HUB - DAY   A sunny afternoon, but the Hub is almost empty – it’s still school hours. But there are two customers – ERIC and KITTY. Eric leans against the counter as he talks with his mother. “Whatcha Gonna Do” plays on the jukebox.   ERIC: So Mr. Hammond said it was fine for me to miss class, ‘cause I’m already getting an “A.” So just as you suspected, Mom, I am better than everybody.   KITTY: All I know is that my little boy was very brave at the dentist today. Wasn't he? Yes he was, my widdle snickelfritz.   ERIC: Okay, Mom, when a man reaches a certain age, the baby voice no longer comforts him. It urges him to kill.   The door opens. In walk DONNA and CASEY. Well, Casey walks; Donna nearly falls over her feet trying to get through the doorway. She’s giggling fit to burst, and a large cup is in her hand. As she stumbles, she knocks over a chair.   Casey rights the chair, steadies Donna, leads her toward the nearest table.   CASEY: Okay, let's get you some coffee. Nobody pukes in the Trans Am.   As they walk, Donna finally notices Eric and Kitty.   DONNA: (gasps) Mrs. Forman! Uh-oh, you look mad. What did Eric do? (to Eric) Bad Eric!   KITTY: Donna, why aren't you in school?   CASEY: No worries, I called her in sick. Told ‘em, “lady troubles.” No questions asked.   Donna starts to giggle again and loses her balance. Casey and Eric money to steady her.   ERIC: Hey, easy there, wobbles.   KITTY: (to Donna) Have you been drinking?   DONNA: I hope so. 'Cause if not, this whole place is a-spinning! Hang on boys, it's a twister!   She twirls her finger around and pivots on her feet, rocking back and forth between Eric and Casey as they try to get her upright.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY   THE CIRCLE. “Bad Time” by Grand Funk Railroad plays on the record player in the background. Eric is related the events of the last scene.   ERIC: So, my mom and I were at the Hub getting ice cream, and we caught Donna with Casey, skipping school. And she was drunk. In the middle of the afternoon. It was like Sue Ellen on Dallas!   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: (to Eric) You went to the Hub for ice cream with your mommy? (laughs) Why would you tell me that?   Pan to Fez.   FEZ: Hyde, the point is he went for ice cream. Without us! (to Eric) You cannot pick up a phone?   Pan to Kelso   KELSO: Hey, if we’re gonna burn Forman, can we hurry it up? You guys know I’m hiding from Jackie. The longer I stay in any one spot, the more likely she is to catch me, and then I gotta deal with her wanting to get married. TO ME!   The record player skips. Kelso jumps at the noise and bolts for the stairs.   Pan to Eric, who watches Kelso run upstairs before turning back to the Circle.   ERIC: Guys, my mom's over at the Pinciotti's right now telling Bob about Donna being drunk. You can't do that kind of stuff in the middle of the afternoon. It'll mess up with your... your... your thinking thing.   Pan to Hyde.   HYDE: Yeah, you gotta stay sharp, man. That's why I keep myself pure until 3 o' clock. (checks watch) Two o'clock. That's why I keep myself pure until two o'clock.   He lifts up his hand; his watch isn’t even on.   HYDE (cont’d): I'm not wearing a watch.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   A short time later. Hyde, Eric, and Kelso play basketball as best they can with the El Camino in the driveway. Kelso keeps shooting nervous glances down the street in both directions.   ERIC: (to Hyde) Hey, you know what? Donna getting busted is actually great for me, because now she's gotta realize what a jackass Casey is. And when she dumps him, I'll be standing right here with open arms and a gentle “I told you so.”   He mistakes Hyde’s frown for agreement.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh yeah, that could happen. After all, I made that girl a woman.   Kelso, dribbling the ball, bounces it into the hubcap of the El Camino. The clang makes him jump back and look around frantically. Eric puts a steadying arm on his shoulder.   ERIC (cont’d): Kelso, you know you can’t hide from Jackie forever. Shouldn’t you just talk to her about this?   KELSO: Eric, marriage is not a “this.” Marriage is not even an “it.” Marriage is the death of “it,” as in “doin’ it,” and me and my lightning rod in the pants have a lot more doin’ it to do!   Hyde takes the basketball from him, starts to dribble, looks down the road toward the Pinciotti’s house.   HYDE: (to Kelso) Hey, man. Here comes Jackie.   KELSO: RUN!   He shoves past Eric, rounds the El Camino, and cuts through the garage.   Once he’s gone, Eric and Hyde share a laugh; it was a false alarm.   ERIC: So, Jackie wants to marry Kelso. That’s gotta hurt, huh? Say, when you get them back together again, maybe you should offer to perform the ceremony.   HYDE: Not this time, man. I mean, marriage in high school? That’s too weird, man. I’m staying out of it.   Something over Hyde’s shoulder catches Eric’s eye. He strains to get a better look.   ERIC: Here comes Jackie.   HYDE: (scoffs) Come on, man. I’m not falling for that.   But it’s no false alarm this time: JACKIE marches right up behind Hyde.   JACKIE: Where’s Michael?   Her shout makes Hyde jump and drop the ball. He turns to look at her; she is one pissed off girl.   HYDE: He’s not here.   JACKIE: Oh, don’t you give me that! I know that idiot still thinks the upstairs hall closet is a good hiding place!   ERIC: (nods) Every game of hide-and-seek, ages 5 to 12. And he managed to get stuck under the bottom shelf every time.   JACKIE: Look, he can’t blow me off like this! He proposed, I heard him. (holds up left hand) And he is putting a ring on this finger even if I have to chase him all the way to Minnesota!   She tugs on Hyde’s arm.   JACKIE (cont’d): Steven, I need you to help me look for Michael.   HYDE: Excuse me?   Jackie nods to the El Camino.   JACKIE: He can’t go far on foot and his van can’t outrun your car. Come on, let’s go!   HYDE: Jackie, I’m not driving you all over town looking for Kelso. I don’t even wanna look in the hall closet.   JACKIE: (pouts) Fine!   She elbows past Hyde, goes around the El Camino.   Hyde shakes his head, turns to Eric. Before either of them can speak, they jump back at the revving of the El Camino’s engine. Jackie’s head sticks out from the driver’s side window.   JACKIE (cont’d): Move it or lose it!   ERIC: (to Hyde) Did she lift the keys to the El Camino off you?   Hyde pats down his pockets. His jaw drops.   HYDE: I taught her that move!   ERIC: You’ve created a monster.   HYDE: I know! And the worst part is, that was kinda hot!   Eric throws his hands up, shakes his head, and turns to go inside.   Jackie honks the horn. Hyde frowns at her, she scowls back, and he slowly makes his way around to the passenger’s side door.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – DAY   The aftermath of Kitty’s news relay. Donna sits on her bed, arms crossed, as BOB and JOANNE loom over her. Bob is in a rage.   BOB: (to Donna) What the hell’s going on with you? You’re grounded! No arguments!   DONNA: Dad, I’m not grounded.   BOB: Okay, well, then whatever you think is best.   Joanne rolls her eyes.   JOANNE: No! Not whatever she thinks is best. (to Joanne) You are grounded!   DONNA: Hey, You're not my mother! You have no say in what I do.   She stands, storms out of the room.   BOB: (to Joanne) Well, she’s got you there.   He shrugs and leaves Joanne shaking her head.   CUT TO:   INT. HUB - DAY   Late in the afternoon. The sunlight coming in through the window is starting to turn to evening gold. “More, More, More” by Andrea True Connection plays on the jukebox.   Fez and Kelso sit at a round table near the center of the floor, Kelso’s head jerking this way and that as he scans the crowd.   FEZ: Kelso, you seem tense. I think living in a home with so many siblings does not provide you with enough privacy to relieve yourself – if you know what I mean.   KELSO: It’s not that kind of tension, Fez. Being a one-woman man is one thing, but – but I can’t get married! I’m 18 years old, and way too hot!   FEZ: So just say so. Go on, be a man!   KELSO: That’s just it. I’m not a man. Which is why I don’t wanna get married! But... well, a lot of people don’t know this about us, but Jackie’s pretty much in charge.   Fez raises his eyebrows; Kelso doesn’t notice.   KELSO (cont’d): If she says she wants to get married, then it might happen! The only way it won’t happen is if I’m not around when she does.   Something out the window catches Fez’s eye; he leans for a better look.   FEZ: Here comes Jackie, driving the El Camino.   KELSO: RUN!   He throws himself out of his chair, sending it flying back to the door. He scrambles on all fours to reach the bathroom door, and we cut to:   INT. HUB BATHROOM – DAY   Kelso hurries inside, throws open the bathroom window, backs up just enough to get a running start, and launches himself cleanly through the window.   KELSO (v.o.): (laughing) Man, that was awesome!   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   An emergency confab. As Kitty ices a cake at the stovetop, Bob talks with RED and Eric by the island. BOB: And then I told Donna she was grounded, and she said no!   KITTY: (looks up) She said no?   ERIC: Can you do that?   RED: No.   BOB: I need your help, Red. I gotta get Donna away from that guy!   ERIC: Oh, Dad, you know what's good? Threaten her with the old foot in the ass!   KITTY: You know, that Casey. How could such a bad influence live in such a handsome package? Bad people should have a big scar and an eye patch so you could recognize them!   BOB: The problem is, you know, there's a point where your kids realize you can’t do nothing to control them.   ERIC: There is?   RED: (to Eric) No! Now stop listening. (to Bob) Bob, I don't wanna get involved. I've got enough problems with the fourteen kids who think they live here now.   CUT TO:   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT   Immediately following the above. The El Camino pulls into the driveway. There is a dent and a long, red streak across the passenger side.   Hyde exits out the driver’s side door, and Fez and Jackie exit out the passenger’s side. Jackie immediately crosses to Hyde.   JACKIE: Steven, you get back here! We aren’t done yet!   HYDE: Yes, we are. When you ruin the paint job and take out a fire hydrant, that’s the end of El Camino privileges for you, young lady!   Something down the driveway catches Fez’s eye.   FEZ: Someone’s coming.   They all turn to look. It’s Donna and Casey, out for a walk-and-talk.   CASEY: So the guy’s trying to tell me that his Z28 is the same car as my Trans Am except for the decals.   DONNA: How can people be so ignorant?   The patio door slides open. Bob marches out, followed by Eric, Kitty, and Red.   BOB: I see you Donna! I see you!   DONNA: Dad!   BOB: Don't you “dad” me. You're not going anywhere, not with this guy. You're grounded again!   Hyde, Jackie, and Fez huddle together. Fez brings out a box of chocolate-covered raisins.   FEZ: (to Jackie & Hyde) Candy?   JACKIE: Please.   She helps herself to a piece.   DONNA: Dad, I'm gonna do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I wanna do it!   BOB: We have to have a talk right now, Donna!   CASEY: Mr. Pinciotti, sir, let me just say you're making a lot of sense here, and I think that when I bring Donna home tonight, you two ought to sit down and really hammer this thing out.   Everyone’s on bated breath as they look to Bob.   BOB: (beat) Okay, that sounds fair.   Everyone but Donna groans together.   ERIC: What? You're just gonna let her go off with him?   BOB: What else can I do?   RED: Oh, good God, that's it! Everybody in the living room. (no one moves) NOW!   That does it. Everyone moves to enter the house. Red holds up a hand to block Jackie, Fez, and Hyde.   RED: Not you.   He enters the house. Bob, having been behind Fez, stays out with the kids. He takes a raisin that Fez offers.   Red sticks his head out the patio door.   RED: Bob, get in here!   He heads back inside, Bob in tow.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Tough love time. Eric stands by the front door with Bob. Donna and Casey are on the couch, the reluctant center of attention. Red stands behind his chair, leaning on it as he yells.   RED: Donna, what has gotten into you? Skipping school, showing no respect for your father -   BOB: That's right!   RED: Shut up, Bob.   Kitty hurries in from the kitchen with a big snack bowl.   KITTY: Okay, here's snacks!   She sets the bowl down on the coffee table.   KITTY (cont’d): So, anybody need a drink?   CASEY: I'll take a rum and coke for the road.   ERIC: Hey, hey, buddy? A little tip? I think booze is what got you in trouble in the first place!   RED: (to Casey) How could you take this girl out drinking in the middle of the day!   CASEY: You know how it is. All the older girls were at work.   He chuckles at his own joke and jostles Donna with his shoulder. She doesn’t look amused.   ERIC: Can I say - this guy is not boyfriend material.   BOB: I agree. You're not going out with him anymore. You two are done!   DONNA/CASEY: No!/Alright.   They look to each other.   DONNA: What?   CASEY: You gotta admit, this has been a real hassle. I mean, it was fun, and you're a great girl, but let's just call it a day.   ERIC: Wait... you're breaking up with her?   DONNA: Casey, I thought you said you...   She looks around the room. She leans in close to Casey and drops her voice.   DONNA (cont’d): You know... you said you loved me.   CASEY: I have this thing where I say stuff I don't really mean.   DONNA: Casey...   CASEY: Look, Donna, I see what you're getting at, and I'm not that type of guy.   He pats her knee.   CASEY (cont’d): Mrs. Forman, let's say we rain-check that rum and coke.   He stands, pats Eric on the shoulder, and walks out the front door.   Eric looks to Donna.   ERIC: Donna, I'm... I’m really sorry.   DONNA: You're not sorry. You got exactly what you wanted.   She stands, moves to the kitchen door. She throws it open, knocking into an eavesdropping Hyde, Jackie, and Fez. They fall back toward the fridge as Donna runs from the house.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT   Eric is alone, brooding on the couch. He stands when he hears the door open. Kitty enters, with Donna.   KITTY: Eric, there's someone here to see you.   ERIC: (to Donna) Hi.   DONNA: Hi.   KITTY: Okay, can I get anyone a snack?   ERIC: Mom.   KITTY: Right, right. Have to stop doing that. (laughs)   She makes a quick exit. Eric and Donna look to each other.   ERIC: (beat) So, um... how are you?   Donna crosses to him.   DONNA: Humiliated. I'm such an idiot. I got dumped in front of the whole world. I don't... I don't even know what I said to your mom at the Hub and I hate that she saw me like that. What is wrong with me?   ERIC: Hey, nothing. Look, your mom left. Come on – you’re allowed to freak out.   DONNA: Everybody warned me about Casey and I fell for him anyway. He's such a jackass!   ERIC: I really, really wanted you to figure that out. Just not like this.   DONNA: Eric, I'm just... (sniffs) I'm so sorry.   ERIC: Hey.   He pulls her into an embrace. Donna nestles her head into the crook of his neck as she breaks into tears.   DONNA: I was so stupid!   As they pull apart, Donna brings Eric into a deep kiss. He just starts to give in when she pulls back and gives him a desperate look.   DONNA: Eric, we should be together.   ERIC: Wait, what?   DONNA: Let's just, like, forget all this other stuff happened.   She embraces him again.   ERIC: Wait...wait.   Eric pulls away.   ERIC (cont’d): Donna... I mean, if you come running back to me now, I... Donna, I can't be your second choice.   DONNA: But you're not! Eric...   He bows his head. Even as her tears come again, he won’t look up.   Donna turns, runs to the door. As she opens it, Kitty spills into the basement. She quickly stands and feigns confusion.   KITTY: Oh! Where am I?   She zips back out the door, and Donna follows.   BUMPER   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT   Hyde and Fez inspect the damage to the El Camino. Fez’s candy box is balanced on the rim of the flatbed. Jackie paces up and down the driveway, her eyes fixed on the road. Behind his shades, Hyde rolls his eyes.   HYDE: Jackie, just go home.   JACKIE: No! I know Michael has to be here some time. This is the only place he can get popsicles without one of his brothers trying to push the stick up his nose.   FEZ: (nodding) It’s true. And believe me, that is unpleasant.   Hyde sighs, crosses to Jackie.   HYDE: Jackie, this is nuts. Shotgun weddings are for rednecks who knock up trailer trash and then get caught by her dad. Look, man, whatever you thought you heard, Kelso doesn’t want to get married. He’s not around because he doesn’t want to see you.   JACKIE: Yes, he does, Steven! He told me that -   HYDE: That he wanted to get married? Kelso? Michael “I didn’t know that firecracker would blow up the toilet” Kelso?   Jackie’s eyes begin to water. She searches for words and can’t find any. Finally, she shakes her head.   JACKIE: No. No, he didn’t. I got carried away, and I tried to control him, like I always do. (begins crying) But he wouldn’t even talk to me about it?   She rushes to Hyde and throws her arms around his neck. Hyde throws his own hands up in the air.   HYDE: Every time.   FEZ:  (to Jackie) Hey, he got the last two break-ups! Give someone else a chance!   Hyde gives Fez a warning look.   FEZ (cont’d): I know, I know. “Go home, Fez.”   He begins slinking away, makes it halfway down the drive, then doubles back for his box of candy. He shoots Hyde one last dirty look before taking off.   Hyde holds Jackie loosely by the arms and gently pushes her back.   HYDE: Jackie... come on, man.   JACKIE: (through tears) What kind of relationship is this when he tells me he wants to be together forever, then runs away as soon as I want a commitment? And after everything I put up with because he couldn’t get over that one kiss, when I never made him go through anything like that when he cheated on me. Well, enough is enough. I’m over him for good.   She wipes furiously at her tears. Hyde shifts on his feet; he’s skeptical.   HYDE: What did you want that kind of commitment for, anyway? You’re in high school.   JACKIE: You wouldn’t understand. Steven, you’ve only ever had meaningless flings. I’m not like that, okay? I want love. True love. And Michael and I have been together so long, that I just thought -   HYDE: Jackie, you’ve never been with anyone else. Even after the last time you two broke up, you didn’t see anybody, not really. Now, come on, man. You’re young and free now. Play the field. I told you before, you can find someone better than Kelso.   JACKIE: But Steven, I’ve never felt anything for anybody else.   HYDE: Anybody?   Jackie looks up from wiping her eyes. She sees Hyde standing right in front of her. We cut to:   JACKIE’S POV. She looks at Hyde’s chest, showing through the open buttons of his shirt...   At his mouth as he smacks his lips...   At his shades, as one eyebrow goes up...   END POV. Jackie grabs Hyde’s head in her hands and pulls him down into a rough, deep kiss. Hyde gives in, snakes his fingers through her hair as Jackie runs her hands up and down his body.   They break apart. Hyde coughs, adjusts his shades.   HYDE: Huh. (beat) Jackie, you’re on the rebound, and this didn’t take the last time we were here. If you’re just looking to get back at Kelso -   Jackie throws down the door to the flatbed of the El Camino and points.   JACKIE: Get in.   Hyde looks from the flatbed to Jackie. She holds up his keys in her free hand.   HYDE: Hey, you keep stealing my keys, it’s gonna stop being a turn-on.   Jackie gives him a look.   HYDE (cont’d): (laughs) No it’s not.   Jackie throws herself at him. Her weight sends them crashing back into the flatbed.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT   Eric is in a chair from the kitchen table, turned to face the living room door. Red and Kitty stand over him, both furious.   RED: Let me get this straight: Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?   ERIC: I said no.   RED: You said no!   KITTY: (beat) Dumbass!   ERIC: Look, I have my reasons, okay?   KITTY: What could they be? What could they possibly be?   ERIC: Casey dumps her and she comes to me? Okay, I'm not a rebound!   RED: So you're too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You're not an athlete. The only smart thing about you is your mouth. And look at you!   KITTY: Red, Red, he looks fine! He's just so darn stupid! I'm very upset.   ERIC: Well, stop, okay? Because I already feel bad enough as it is.   KITTY: Well you should!   ERIC: Well, I do! I love her.   He stands, starts to pace.   ERIC: God, why do I always have to screw these things up, you know? Why does everything always have to be my way? That's why we broke up in the first place.   KITTY: Well, we've all known that for a year!   ERIC: Okay. Okay, I have to tell Donna how I feel.   He doesn’t move at once.   RED: Then go!   Eric nods, heads out the patio door.   Kitty leans on Red, and he puts an arm around her.   KITTY: Oh, Red!   RED: I know. We're never gonna get him out of the house.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT   The lights are off, but the door is open. Eric runs inside.   ERIC: Donna?   No one answers. Eric steps inside, looks around.   Bob and Joanne enter. Eric crosses to them.   ERIC (cont’d): Oh, hello, Mr. Pinciotti, Mrs... I'm sorry, Joanne, I don't know your last name. I have something to tell you guys. I love Donna.   JOANNE: Well, she isn't here. We don't know where she is. (beat) And it's Stupack.   ERIC: Well, if it's okay, I'll just wait.   He sits down on the bed. Bob crosses to him, pats his shoulder.   BOB: Sure. I always liked you.   ERIC: Oh, thank you, sir.   BOB: But do me a favor. Don't play with her undergarments.   He and Joanne exit as Eric settles in.   CUT TO:   EXT. HUB PARKING LOT - NIGHT   Past closing hours. Kelso’s Samba slowly pulls into the lot. Kelso sticks his head out, looking left and right. He brings the van into park, gets out, and stretches.   Donna walks by, a knapsack slung over her shoulder. Kelso crosses to her.   KELSO: Hey. Where are you going?   DONNA: Bus station. I'm going to my mom's in California.   KELSO: Oh, my God. You're running away.   DONNA: I don't know what else to do.   KELSO: No, I know how you feel. I feel trapped in this town. There isn’t any place I can go where I’m not gonna eventually run into Jackie. And when that happens –   He hums a few bars of the wedding march, then mimes hanging himself.   KELSO (cont’d): Hey... hey, you know what? I'll drive you. We'll both go to California!   He slaps Donna on the shoulder and goes back to the van.   DONNA: Kelso, are you up for this?   KELSO: Hey, if the Beverly Hillbillies can do it, so can I.   Donna chuckles and nods.   DONNA: Great, let's go.   They both climb into the van. Kelso starts ‘er up, and they take off.   CUT TO:   INT. DONNA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT   Eric lies back on the bed. He plays with the pillows, twiddles his thumbs, and checks his watch.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY   MUSIC NOTE: Theme from “The Beverley Hillbillies.”   On the road for California. Donna sleeps while Kelso drives. Kelso glances over, sees that Donna is asleep. He reaches a hand back for her chest. She wakes up just in time to smack him away.   DONNA: Kelso! I'm not gonna tell you again!   KELSO: I was just reaching for my soda. Damn!   DONNA: I should have taken the bus.   END.

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Uncut Gems

There’s a rule any good writer knows: the audience always ends up rooting for the main character, even if they’re a heel. And you won’t find many people in the movies who are more of a heel than Howard Ratner. He’s an inveterate liar, verbally abusive to his employees, a compulsive gambler who can never have money without betting it. He angrily berates whoever is closest whenever life doesn’t go his way, which is often, and maintains a much younger mistress in a New York apartment while his wife stews away in their house with their three kids. He doesn’t deserve to win. He deserves to have his teeth knocked out. So why do we root for him?

This neat trick of perspective usually allows us to root for gangsters, killers and just sad sack flakes because there’s someone worse in view, or because the world has been arranged in just such a way as to cause their troubles. That is not the case with Howard, who is played by Adam Sandler with the kind of intensity you can’t look away from no matter how much you know you should. There isn’t a single problem Howard has that he didn’t cause or encourage himself. He’s got what you need to have a happy life---he owns his own business, he’s married to Dinah (Idina Menzel) with three good kids living in a nice house, he has a genuine eye for both gemology and salesmanship that could see him through much, he’s got a connection in employee Demany (Laketih Stanfield) who brings him rich clients. Yet he’s not addicted to gambling so much as conflict. His mistress Julia (Julia Fox), who also works for him, attracts him because his wife and children are safe and she is not. He foregoes every safe investment in favor of schemes because the schemes give him a rush. When he acquires a valuable opal that he intends to sell for a million dollars at auction, he lends it to NBA star Kevin Garnett, played by himself, when the athlete becomes convinced the gem will bring him luck on the court. In exchange, Howard, a huge NBA fan, takes as collateral Garnett’s championship ring. It is profoundly stupid. Perhaps Howard is attracted by the idea that a stone can have mystical powers of good fortune. Even dumber is when he pawns the ring, intending to use that money to bet and his winnings to buy the ring back.

It is no coincidence that the opal he acquires is from Ethiopia, a place rife with conflict jewels. There’s no part of Howard that could allow him to live anything such as a peaceful life. Sure, he’s got troubles in the form of a loan shark named Arno (Eric Bogosian), to whom he owes a hundred grand, but this is a trouble he imposed upon himself, like all the others. In fact, Arno seems downright reasonable for his profession: he roughs Howard up a bit, sure, but he also gives him infinite chances, whereas you’d imagine anyone else would have killed him or at least taken everything he owned long ago.

 There’s a reason for that, as we find out (spoiler warning): Arno is Howard’s father-in-law. This is revealed at a Passover feast, which is also the one single moment in the film where Howard is anything like calm, as he takes his part in reciting a shared Jewish prayer. It’s never spoken, but this of course means Arno can do nothing very permanent to Howard without crushing his grandchildren (his daughter, who plans to divorce Howard, couldn’t care less).

We spend the movie both hoping Howard turns things around and shaking our head at his self-destruction, and a large part of the reason we’re so conflicted is that the Safdie Brothers give us precious little room to breathe. Howard is intense. He’s impulsive. He does not make decisions so much as simply do whatever comes to his mind in that moment. These things are more often than not terrible choices, and the Safdies keep Darius Khondji’s camera close on him most times, get right in his face when he’s angry, barrel down the sidewalk with him, close in on every hit delivered when Arno and his men rough him up. Other characters are sometimes shown at more of a remove, but Howard is almost always seen up close and personal. Sandler must have been tired whenever the camera stopped rolling; the unrelenting intensity of his performance is impossible to describe in words. The Safdies wrote the screenplay with their longtime collaborator Ronald Bronstein, and like the trio’s work on 2017’s Good Time, it’s hard to imagine that script as anything but a loose outline. Their films tear at the reigns with the kind of energy that can only happen once actors and filmmakers are let loose on a set. Witness the climactic scene, in which Howard loses himself in every possible way in response to a game he’s bet on, while Arno remains locked in his store’s vestibule. It’s the kind of scene where it is impossible to imagine there’s a camera present, or anyone behind a camera.

A lot of CGi-punchfests are advertised as “thrill rides”. It seems a frequent shorthand way of saying that character development and artistic skill are a far distant concern to fleeting sugar rushes of empty action. Uncut Gems is the kind of movie that can actually induce excitement, in the truest sense of the word---a feeling of great emotion. Much like Michael Corleone or The Man With No Name, you’d never want to have Howard as a neighbor, or even have dinner with him, for fear he’d self-destruct at any moment and you’d get some on you. He’s in a long tradition of anti-heroes who we cannot like and cannot remove our eyes from.  

Verdict: Must-See

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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[overwhelmsion]

Oooooooh what did you think about little women 2019? I had some big likes and big dislikes about it myself (also @ me in the post so I can find ur reply!) tumblr so annoying to navigate sometimes

my THOUGHTS are PLENTY milady @when-did-this-become-difficult

I did not like it.

my main gripe is the timeline... not using a LINEAR timeline is the WORST "twist" for this type of story like... the whole POINT of the Little Women story is seeing them go from girls to young women to women. The flashback bullshit detracted and muddled so much. Minus a million points for that.

Second, the casting. This is gonna be long.

Saoirse Ronan could have been the perfect Jo. Could have!!!!!! Was not. I hold Greta directly responsible for this. And it has been literally forever since I read the book so I don't remember how her storyline actually went but some of the things that Jo did in this movie had me like... "Would she tho?" The other thing is Timothee Chalamet. See, those two LOOK perfect together. He looks younger than Florence Pugh, who was probably pitch perfect as grown up Amy and who unfortunately reads and sounds older to me. Florence is like, what, 22? Her face and voice give me 36. Sorry it just does. And Timmy boy reads like a teenager so them together was NOT good. Jo and Laurie need a good contrast. I would have swapped the actors of this movie with the PBS adaptation from 2017 and pair Timmy with Maya Hawke and have our future "Prince Eric" Jonah Hauer-King play Laurie to Saoirse's Jo. Now THAT would have been interesting.

The hardest thing to sell with any Little Women adaptation is ALWAYS going to be Laurie and Amy's romantic relationship. The 1994 version failed, partly due to the actors. This movie tried much harder but you're still left grasping for more. One of the things I liked best was how we're introduced to Amy and Laurie, with Amy being so excited and practically jumping off the carriage and Laurie taken so aback but pleasantly surprised. Their chemistry was ON that day on set. And at the beginning of the movie I thought, bold move, introducing these 2 couples straightaway, it would certainly help the audience swallow Lamy (I'm a genius). Also aging up Amy so that she's 13 in the flashbacks and 20 when she marries Laurie certainly helps. BUT young Amy is a fail. Florence tried, but just making her voice more high pitched and squealing and talking fast and making pouty faces doesn't erase the fact that she looks almost 40. It's unsellable.

Then the movie makes it first sin. It introduces us to married Meg and John Brooke, and it assumes we know this story!!!! Otherwise you're in the movie theatre going what?? who is this guy??? Remakes NEED to still explain the story. I was also very displeased with the 1994 version because it does not feature one of my very favorite moments in the whole book which is Aunt March pulling a Lady DeBourgh on Meg and telling her she cannot marry John Brooke and Meg going "I wasn't going to??? but thanks for your unnecessary opinion" and Aunt March going SERIOUSLY I FORBID YOU FROM MARRYING John Brooke and Meg going "Bitch now I'm gonna!! The fuck" and reverse psychologying that marriage into happening like... Chef's kiss, truly. Meg and John's is such a behind the scenes relationship and I always loved it and I HATED what Greta did to their relationship here. Meg had valid points but she would NEVER TALK LIKE THAT and their make-up would never be that basic and John is a fluff ball and Emma Watson playing the haughty version of Meg is a NOPE from me.

Pacing was awful!!! I was bored!!!!!!!! Almost every significant moment falls flat and I blame it on the writing and directing. Meg being bimboed out, Jo discovering Amy burned her book, Amy falling in the ice and almost dying, their dad coming home for christmas, Beth almost dying, Beth dying, Amy going to Europe instead of Jo, etc.. there was no nuance, there was no pace, dialogue was rushed most of the time for... impact??? To show emotion???? How and WHY do you rush through the "my hands are empty" "no they're not." Whatever the direct opposite of galaxy brain is, that's what that exchange was.

Laura Dern played Marmee too cheerfully, too saintly; Meryl Streep added nothing to the character, and having the guy who played Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad play the girl's father was... a choice. Also, how do you cast Eliza Scanlon and have her do NOTHING as well, like, anyone who's seen Sharp Objects knows what this girl is capable of and YET greta had her play a red-headed Beth for NO REASON. Like Eliza played her just fine but Claire Danes got a lot more to do with the script like... Greta you're not a screenwriter so just stop trying. Also IT MUST BE MENTIONED each sister had legit a different hair color????? Saorise and Eliza look too much alike so greta couldnt have anyone confuse them hence she had to make Beth a literal fucking REDHEAD????? stupid.

Timmy boy looks like a psychopath to me like his "acting" can be okay at times but otherwise he's a red flag on legs.

Friedrich.... first off he's supposed to be older like, that actor was, what? 27, 28 tops???? And the romantic relationship with Jo was not developed, shown, felt, at all???? I HATED Jo's rant at him when he said her writing wasn't good, it went too long and the dude doesn't say anything else??? And he is somehow in love with her, and months (years???) go by with absolutely no contact between them but he shows up and we're supposed to believe these people are ready to commit to each other? Oh wait he plays the piano *LiKe BeTh* FETCH THE FUCKING CARRIAGES. Exhausting.

I think Greta banked on people having already known the story and bringing their OWN feelings and emotions to it to supplement the film like, the film itself provided so little emotion, so little impact. She thought she wouldn't have to work for it. WRONG, LADY.