#and we just had a nice chat
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sometimes it's important to just have a human moment with another human who you don't know. it's scary, but when you go past that fear of the unknown and offer hospitality and just connect with an unfamiliar person on a human level it's bolstering like you gotta have those moments
#we had a mechanic come out yesterday#and normally this is a very scary situation for me bc i was alone and im very fearful of men i don't know#but i decided that i would take a moment to really question that fear and set it aside for a moment#and sure enough this man was perfectly fine and wasn't a threat at all#i offered him a coke bc my mother raised me right and you should always offer hospitality when you can#and we just had a nice chat#idk it made me feel really nice and content to just talk to someone i didn't know#my late uncle always told me a stranger is just a friend you haven't met#and i think i get it now#i had a really hard day today at work and i keep going back to how it was really refreshing to just talk to another person#and like get to know a little about their life#i'd like to have more nice moments like that with strangers
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No one understands guilt better than a girl with emotionally immature parents
#personal#actually bpd#bpd#bpd vent#actually borderline#bpd thoughts#vent#actually traumatized#actually cptsd#emotionally immature parents#like my dad just stole my moms phone AGAIN to text me some BULLSHIT#as he always does. and I was mean because wtf#and now I feel bad cause he's trying to be nice even though 6 seconds ago he called me a spoiled asshole#I told him that if we never speak again he can look at the last chat we had where he basically called me a useless bitch#soooooooo 🤦♀️ unfortunately.....he never learns. I told him he should have never called me a stupid bitch when i was 5 yrs old#because that STUCK with me. so hard. and his response was well maybe you were being one#excuse ME?
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pls be his prom date🥺
#i remembered during high school we had a prom night at this grand hotel. i didn’t go since nobody asked me to be their date😆 lol#so i stayed at home and video called my bestfriend while we ate and chat together#at first i felt like i missed out for a while. but looking back at it it was just another nice night for me to spend with my closest one:)#have you guys ever been to one?#steve rogers fanart#novembersippedaway#high school au#captain america fanart
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Halfway through my comps!!! Think I did okay on day one
#tomorrow is nineteenth and twentieth centuries#so i have to refresh on that#BUT having done the work today makes me feel much better about doing the same thing again#and my friend who's doing phd comps asked if i wanted to get food after so we did that and just ate and chatted for an hour#which was a super nice way to destress between the test and the drive home#i also think now that getting a cold last week was in part a gift#because the week before had been Cramming Time and i was getting actually unable to stop thinking about comps#and then the cold turned off my ability to work for about a day and a half like NOPE. only comfort reads of my sister's fics and old manga#which was a nice change actually#ANYWAY that's where i am now
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Fam and i were passing a sock shop and we saw a cyclops one and In Devious Union my brother and i said ‘cysocks’
#snap chat#speaking of siblings tho i finished those Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver comics and i fear i need more i love them sm 😭😭 back to me tho.. lol#so it turns out we share a braincell. AWFUL !!!#YOU KNKW WHAT HE SAID TO MEON THE TRAIN context i put eyeliner on so i look esp like a raccoon today. also more rings but whatever#my brother was like ‘at least we dont have to worry about anyone sitting next to us theyjust have to look at you and be like 👀’#LIKE WHY IS HE SO MEAN TODAY well jokes on his dumbass two kids ended up having to sit next to us ANYWAY#SO DIE <- this is average brother banter please be nice to us both#my dad was a lot nicer about my outfit … as per usual … omg wait this blog gets to leaen about how cool my dad is and how much i love him :]#ANYWAY MY DAD WAS NICER he literally stopped me and turned me around just to look at my whole outfit sosnwkssk#he kept insisting it was very cool and that i was fashionable. he DID be like ‘wow ! emo :)’ at first which almost made me throw up laughing#but thats what my dad does best: making me laugh and Not making me feel like a gross heathen. unlike SOME parents……………#anyways if we walk hy the shop again ill take a pic of the cysocks. because thats what this post was about fjWPDJSKSK#FOR NOW BYE my bro and i are in a bank lobby rn dodnskkejz#my dad had to do somethin real quick but he should be back soon then we’re going to meet my. older sis#see theyre both older than me but i distinguish them via Older Sister and Eldest Sister#because using their names is ridiculous. ok bye
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So outside of the bond quest events and main story, the characters in Azuma get pretty shallow characterization, huh?
#guardians of azuma#goa#goa spoilers#idk if it counts as spoilers but better safe than sorry lol#i didn't notice it as much when i still had main story stuff to get through but damn interacting with these characters day-to-day is boring#and like every game like this is going to reach a point eventually where you run out of new stuff and it's the same lines over and over#that's the nature of being constructs of humans who couldn't create infinite conversation possibilities after all#but that's not the problem happening here#the daily conversations are at the level of idle small talk at best#the hangout feature (which couldve been real nice) does nothing to put these characters in context (especially not for the low-level hangou#just a five second silent cutscene and an 'i liked this/i hated this'#great you wanna elaborate on that? no?#i ask you about your family and i dont get to learn more about your family or your aversion to the topic?#why even bother then? if thats the feature that means we dont get interesting chats then i wish they'd have just dropped it#and dont even get me started on the fun facts on everyone's profiles#this stuff would've formed the basis for the daily convos in other games but now it's just a little blurb#that you might get a little more context on through events if you're lucky#like murasame's apparently scared of birds? that's sure never come up outside of his character profile from what ive seen#and with ulalaka so intent looking out for him and her having her little bird there was certainly opportunities to at least mention it#even if it's not a little skit maybe a line like 'yeah i tried to get him to slow down but he went running when he saw plenty :('#or however normally cool calm collected murasame actually reacts to birds but now i just have to guess because its not in context#a small detail to get hung up on as an example maybe but small details like that are what make the convos in other games more entertaining#like jones has 4-5 daily conversations on why he hates tomato juice but is trying to aversion therapy himself anyway in 4#that's way more interesting than reading a little fun fact#it's just wasted potential and that's disappointing#like the game is trying to rush you through to the dating/marriage phase and discounting the value of the little everyday buildups#hell i started dating kaguya and at the bare minimum i would think she would get some more romantic lines mixed in to the normal list#but nope she's still saying the exact same things she was before i started dating her but with one extra line in there to summarize one of#her character events (not adding any interesting comment on the event just summarizing it)#if i just wanted a dating sim i would go play a dating sim
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open ai made a little post about how they chose their chatbot voices and two things stood out to me:
a) I am genuinely pleased and surprised that the voices come from specific real people that they hired and paid, rather than being built off of all of the data open ai has scraped. the voice for siri did one job for one company 20 years ago and now she is literally everywhere without ever being compensated by apple or even acknowledged as the voice. there's simply no way she was paid enough in that original job. whereas, open ai says "each actor receives compensation above top-of-market rates, and this will continue for as long as their voices are used in our products." this could mean literally anything (what market rate are we going above? does continue mean they get residuals or get paid for doing more sessions?) but, christ, at least the actors are doing it with full knowledge of what their voices are being used for and can decide for themselves if the compensation is enough
b) the post talks about working with "award-winning casting directors" to get the voices. first of all, yay for paying casting directors! we love to see it. but they also say the CDs received over 400 submissions in a week and they state that like a big number and it's just...not at all. and look, without knowing the intricacies of the casting process, it's hard to know what approach the CDs took - it's very possible they were selective from the jump and 400 is a lot from the pool they were tapping. 400 would be a lot if you were going to the agencies directly and asking for names, but there's just no way in hell open ai went after big stars for this. so it would've been a pool of unknowns. in which case, 400 is laughably small. even if you're not using the big casting sites like actorsaccess, I've worked on projects with CDs and their own internal systems where we've gotten over 100 submissions for a single role. I've posted roles on casting sites and received literally thousands of submissions in just a few days
look, I have a very limited perspective on this - I am not a casting director (imo, one of the most important and undervalued jobs in hollywood) and I, in fact, hate the process of casting with a passion. but 400 just seemed like such a tiny pool to pull from and, idk, it heartens me! it's heartening to think that there's very little interest from actors and agents to be doing this kind of stuff. and absolutely no shade to the actors who did--I want actors to get their bag however they want as long as it's, like, safe sane and consensual, you know? but there's something encouraging about thinking that open ai hired some big casting agency to get their foot into the voice acting door and people didn't come running
#ai#entertainment industry#lauren takes too long to say things#I am not anti-AI#mostly because I can tell when I've lost a war and need to figure out how to live with my new overlords lol#but also bc chat has genuinely been helpful for writing research!#(more in the sense that it helps me narrow down what I need to do real research on)#(bc the information it gives is often wrong)#but I am of COURSE concerned about how it's going to affect my industry#and if you've been following me for a while you probably saw my sag posting last summer during the strike#and given the contract sag got around AI#actors disinterest is THEE cudgel with which we will beat this stuff down#so the fact that the most popular AI company in the world had 400 people to choose from#is nice to my ears!!!!#(assuming of course that I'm correct about their process)#plus I'm just so RELIEVED that they actually hired people to do this#that's all that really matters - consent#if you're an actor and you give your voice to an AI company that will use it forever#as long as you KNOW that#and you have someone looking over a contract for you#more power to you!
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I have started to have a shorter resistance to new potential friends who are Complainers™️
Like it's great that there's people who are passionate about expressing everything and everyone that's wrong, that they will die on hills about dislikes they have and yap to their hearts content, but I'm this close to starting the "Silence And Bird song Appreciation Club"
#text#no hate to the Haters but i am a lover and i can't take it anymore!!!#lol#like can we have 5 minutes of compliments ? have you had any nice days? just like a little quiet break if possible??#Complainers are not wrong i just need variety in my chats#you know a balanced meal? not just the hater tea but maybe a sweet treat of goodness too#anyways
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#having a beta is so much more work than I anticipated?#I appreciate her help but also I’m realizing that her having zero story context other than the brief bios I gave her is a problem#because she’s tryna advice on plot and character reactions/development and I have to be like Oh hey actually uh. no.#and we aren’t that close - she’s a bestie of one of my good friends who volunteered while I was chatting about it in the discord#and I naively was like Sure! A beta would be nice!#and now here we are 🥲 I am writing essays in the chat to explain the character dynamics and story context#to explain why I will not be expanding on things because it would be out of character for some stuff and also people familiar with the#original story do not need any additional context for the other stuff#I guess I hadn’t anticipated her tryna get into it to this degree#and it’s very kind of her#but it’s also awkward for me#I had to at some point be like I know you just said you’re a plot girlie but this is just smut that got out of hand#I am Not gonna do that much world building and in fact I purposely paralleled canon to avoid that very thing#and then I had to explain that actually Han Yoojin does get pseudo pregnant in canon and there is a whole lot of background that I can just#sorta be hand wavy about
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Internet road trip update: today we went in a circle. that's about it. we'll never make it to Canada at this rate.
#i swear to god if we end up going back to China‚ Maine after this. let's at least go through Palermo and north from there this time#I fear we may re-loop though. chat is lobbying for another loop.#we're still listening to WBOR though!!! we love WBOR#I genuinely might buy some WBOR merch. i love this random maine radio station now 😭#NOOOOO oh my god they're playing creedence clearwater revival now. just as I was being nice about them.#nothing wrong with CCR afaik but it just sounds like my grandpa's radio at family reunions lol.#loved him very much. he used to play this song (bad moon rising) so loud though.#it was my family's 'okay‚ who gave Howard the aux' song 😭#but see this is why I actually love listening to the radio. you listen to random stuff and it reminds you of things#that you'd never reminisce on with your same streaming playlists. it's just such a vibe#even if I thought I had escaped creedence clearwater revival lol.
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She’s married she’s married she’s married she’s married (to a man to a man to a man to a man)
#I need to stop imprinting on women with PhDs#I need to just be regular friends and colleagues with them#the first one is straight#this one is maybe bi but more importantly married#but god why does every conversation feel so flirty#the women I go on actual dates with are not as affectionate in casual conversation as she is#I really wish I could date normally and I really wish I could make friends/do networking normally#but dating doesn’t really work for me because I really need to get to know someone before I can determine if I have feelings#but clearly I only develop crushes and feelings on women that are completely uninterested in me romantically#my therapist calls that self sabotage but I don’t think she can fully understand how confusing demisexuality is#like I feel a connection with the people I feel a connection with and that has never once happened for me going on dates#it only happens with people I get to know really well platonically first with absolutely no thought or pressure of theoretical romance#I would fucking love it if I could go on three dates with a girl and feel anything other than ‘we get along well and I had a nice time’#I would fucking love if I could just make out with someone casually and it not be incredibly uncomfortable for me#but no instead I just develop really intense friendships with women that see me like a little sister and I don’t a#and I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make things weird#my hormones are all over the place#we haven’t talked in awhile but we’re chatting about what crafting projects we’re each working on#so I’m feeling vulnerable and emotional
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oh also in other news, I had my revision top surgery today and it went well!!
I keep fucking having to remember like omg right I had surgery today bc it was such a tiny revision so it's like the babiest surgery I've had to date compared to its "I can't straighten my spine" and "I can't fucking breathe" predecessors 😅
#revision top surgery#my friend came to pick me up (ie to sit with me in hospital until they discharged me & then walk me to tram stop & take tram home w me)#and then we just went to my flat to chill there#she made sure I got home ok and that everything was fine and we just chatted all afternoon so it was very nice ❤#also 10/10 private surgery W#record time between starting surgeon search (late december I think?) & actually getting it (beginning of april 👌)#earnings from new job so far have already covered the amount of money it cost & I'm still in the green for the year#((guys turns out having a stable income is amazing who knew x'D))#I wasn't even fucking nervous beforehand bc it was basically a less bad version of top surgery so familiar & known that it'd be less rough#and like I've already had two other surgeries in the last like 4 years so I'm just like used to it by now#everyone was professional & lovely and did a good job (obv I haven't seen result yet but it literally Cannot Be Worse than the original so#we shall see at my one week post-op dressing-removal appt next week#surgeon said he did a good job & knowing that (notably plastic) surgeons are more perfectionist abt this stuff than I am#I trust that he did)#also I ended up going with a non-trans specific service and they were great#my advice stands: if you're looking for private surgery and it *can* be done by a non-trans-specialist#go find a non-trans-specific one it'll give you way more options & they'll do a perfectly fine job
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#ok blessings!#I had a very good day actually I was just feeling cranky earlier because pain and talking to relatives. writing to remind my future self.#so!#had a 6 hr shift at work (busy but good for morale because the patients were all nice to me)#came home ate leftover curry and naan for lunch changed out of my scrubs and immediately left for town#(speaking of scrubs..I got new scrubs! they're a gorgeous dark berry color and so comfy and so many big pockets!)#hung out with one of my good friends. we laughed a lot and ran around by the river.#and went to a bookstore and then got tea!#and then in the little rock and roll shop#we ran into a girl I knew in middle school and we got to catch up! sometimes seeing old friends is awkward but this was chill.#and she said I should come back and chat next week! very fun.#also I did so much walking between work and the trail that my legs are sore which is DELIGHTFUL. I haven't worked out in an age.#yapped with my dad for an hour about music! I'm slowly but surely going to get him to like dnd via the sound design of worlds beyond number#now sitting down to answer some asks and then maybe watch some tv and go to bed.#I am so overjoyed and thankful that spring is in the air! even when we get another cold snap we'll just Know it's so so close!!#does marvels for my mood!!#praising God for the best week I've had in a while.#and also that most of my friends seem to be also doing better#this winter was just a Lot and I think we're all relieved and thankful to be looking forward to spring.#blessings#diary
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I hope everyone whos walked behind me today has acknowledged the fact ive just been staring at rivals magneto for the past hour
#snap chats#new title at school ‘guy with the kirby geadphones and nice outfits and looks at pictures of magneto and professor x all day’#a friend invaded my Magneto Staring timr and assaulted my ears she was SO MEAN TO ME TODAY#she always mean to me tbh ….. she thinks im a weirdo for being an introvert like girl i cannot physically make you understand my brain#i asked the universe to be nice to me today and instead i get called an unlovable cat that’ll get returned to the shelter after a day OK#ALSO I TOLD HER I WAS 23 NEXT MONTH AND SHE SAID TWINK DEATH?????#THATS NOT. i was so appalled. what is she talking about im not ……. ok……….#had to delicately remind her she’ll be 23 soon too like Girl 💀💀💀💀💀#and then i told her i wad filipino and she was like ‘oh are you onea those whove never been to your home country’#ok well Miss Ma’am i regret to inform you the us of a IS my home country#its so lame tho cause all my sibs got to go to the philippines before i was born 😭😭😭😭 this family HATES ME#‘like idk just the way you talk….’ we TALK THE SAME. YOU AND I ARE ON THE EAST COAST /WHAT/#‘snap was this just an excuse to rant’ NO. i jus wanted to say i wanna play rivals ……. also eriks very handsome in that game….#but like we know that i can only repeat myself so many times …#anyway ima finish this fuckass lunch so i can actually finish my shit so i can MAYBE. look at magneto in-game BYE
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Thanks to EVERYONE'S recommendations on my post about How Do I Get A Knitting Circle To Adopt Me - A Woodcarver - Into Their Group, I have discovered:
My local library has a knitting/crochet club that welcomes other crafts, too! I will be attending that tomorrow, so maybe they'll adopt me!
There's a local woodcarving group that has monthly meetups! Granted it meets at a senior center and membership is encouraged which I can't do obviously but I'm going to see if that's like, a hard line or not
There are a couple small, independent craft stores that might have leads on more groups, I'll be trying to hit those up in the next few weeks and see if they have any leads!
My witchy shop used to have crafting meetups, I saw it on old FB events! That will be starting back up again soon, so I can hit that up too!
And here's a tentative one - there were so many others like me who expressed the same sadness of not being able to find a little crafting group where we could all work on our respective crafts and just have fun with crafty friends and learn neat things. So I'm talking to a friend about how complicated it would be to set up a discord server for us, because gd it, I know we all live far apart but if there's a way for all of us to do a craft night together once a month or whatever and become crafty friends, we should be able to do it, along with showing off our interesting things we make in between! So put a pin in this one, since I've only ever used discord, not really run one, but if I can make it work, I'm going to try when I have some time.
#everyone had EXCELLENT tips and now i'm using them to find some crafters I can meet up with hopefully!#the library I'm SUPER optimistic about and I'm hoping it goes well tomorrow!#M CARVING APRON IS READY#and then if i can get into the little woodcarving group that would be neat too! but i'd be just as happy if the knitting circle adopts me#but i also really am going to look into the discord server because gd there are a bunch of us that just...#really want to have a nice little crafty friend circle now and then to sit and make things and chat with#it shouldn't matter that we're far or that we're all different crafters#and we can show off our things and if someone wants tips on theirs they might be able to find someone or just have others#to talk about whatever your craft is
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um . . i just think grocery shoppin' with argenti would heal me (∩´͈ ᴖ `͈∩ ྀི)
#〝 𝓬𝓾𝓫𝓬𝓱✩𝓽𝓼 ₊ ࣪ ㅤ ꣓ㅤ#hihi my dearies ! had an . . odd mornie#and i just wanna be in his arms rn but !#walking around with him pushing the cart as we just chat about certain foods#ooh or from behind it looks as if it's just him pushing the cart but his frame is just coverin' me pushin' the cart ૮꒰ ིྀ ⍝ ⍝ ꒱ა#talkin' abt recipes i'd love to make for him and the ones he could make for me :(#and cute photos in the aisles 🥹♡#that'd be so nice right now >< cheers me up a lil#᭄᭡ ּ 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓳𝓸 𝓫ㅤ⭒𝔂 ˖
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