#anyway I’m actually considering it simply because I speedrun some stuff

[hanakihan]

I’m considering to start FGO all over

Like completely yeet the fuck away my current account

I didn’t whale into it beyond that one GSSR roll for Dantes

Plus it will be fun to see how far I’ll go with welfare or low rarity servants

And also just to see how much I’ll save for Count of Monte Cristo’s debut on NA

[2g-1k]

2G1K - Chapter 6 What the Sigma?

I went from wanting to post this in Nov, then early Dec, then Xmas, then New Year, and somehow i managed to fail ALL these deadlines. Crazy what fanart and support does to a person lol. thank you @tthevoic3s we all say in unison

Just to be safe- mentions of blood (it's like 7 drops max), depressing thoughts, dehumanisation maybe? honestly idk

Masterpost

Hey guys, welcome back to another Geoguessr speedrun!

Now here we have…let’s see. Blue sky, looks like something from Earth, cool. Um, tacky fences made of wood, that appears to be doing a good job so far in keeping me in considering I haven’t left the enclosure yet…check. Would need more stuff to accurately pinpoint us right now. Anyway chat, I believe we need more details to know where to put that pin on the map, so we gotta look further!

Evans peeked outside the tacky wooden fences—actually walls— and the crowd went wild!

Hundreds of tiny people were behaving very reasonably when seeing a gigantic human being. The most reasonable of the bunch ran away, not even sparing a second to look back at what they were even running from. Evans personally thought they deserve a ten out of ten for taking the best action for survival, even if it probably would not work. Realistically speaking. Evans could outrun them in two steps.

There were people who just froze. Played dead, even. Possibly a rating of six for this. Works for animals half the time, though Evans kind of isn’t one, and they just successfully made themselves more susceptible to capture. Low survival rate, not the best reaction towards seeing a giant, but whatever.

The remainder of the crowd, though a minority, were probably the weirdest of them all, considering they appeared to be…kneeling down, kowtowing, clasping hands…why? Would their god save them if he even planned to harm them, which he didn’t?

Evans wondered what they were thinking. Maybe back home, if a similar situation occurred, there might be people reacting the same way as them, but he couldn’t know for sure. It wasn’t his fault no giant fell off their plane onto Earth. He’d ask them, but again, the fact that they probably speak some other alien language will probably make asking questions like this impossible.

So the next best thing he could do is to observe one himself. Sure, they may not understand his intentions, though why does it matter what they think if he won’t cause them harm?

Evans stretched his hand out towards the crowd.

Thwack!

Evans was blessed with an arrow to his hand.

Guess what— I’m under surveillance. I did NOT notice the four archers positioned at the corners of my so-called prison walls.

But why did they shoot him?

Evans had a theory unproven. Obviously they don’t want him to cross those walls. The next course of action, is of course, to prove it. Even if it was the only possible explanation. So Evans cleverly stuck his other unharmed hand beyond the walls, and sure enough—

Thwack!

Evans flinched, though the next arrow still managed to lodge itself in his skin. Cool. Now he has one arrow in each hand. Funny, since he felt nothing except perhaps, a minor stinging on where the arrows landed. It wasn’t even bleeding.

So Evans decided it was probably fine to pull it out, and so he did.

He started bleeding. Yay, blood! My favourite food!

So he was right. They didn’t want him to leave.

Honestly they were overestimating themselves. The walls were as high as his knees, Evans could simply jump over them if he really wanted to. God, he could even easily outrun their tiny little legs. The arrows sting at best, and even then they don’t pose a significant danger to him, all things considered.

He only chose to stay inside and listen to them because there weren’t any benefits if he didn’t do that.

Also because this was an interesting discovery.

Also because he wasn’t in much danger…

Also because it didn’t look like they planned to do unspeakable things to him… 

Yes, yes, he knew, stranger danger, but from every situation he’s been in so far, it seemed as if one is much more dangerous than all others. It was also quite clear that everyone involved knew who exactly was the more dangerous stranger at the moment.

Beyond the walls, the noise level slowly went from making Evans think he was at a K-Pop concert, to a noise level more common in libraries. Assuming it was because the commotion had died down, it means the tiny crowd outside had left, or at least most of them should have.

Evans stared at the two blood covered arrows in his palm. Everyone is scared of me, isn’t it? He knew as much. Leaving would be a good idea, if they wouldn’t mind the anxiety of not knowing where something as dangerous as him is at all times. So he couldn’t leave, thanks to whoever invented the saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”.

…Oh right, it was Sun Tzu. Fuck you, Sun Tzu.

Staying here and making them equally anxious it is, then. Evans really hoped it was the right choice.

Mostly because he was very much starving right now.

He might as well try to give a decent impression of himself while he was “in captivity” right now, in fact. Who knows, they might slip poison in his food or drink. They already did it once, and they can do it again. Actually, now that he thought about it, how much of a dosage did they need to send him to dreamland, and never wake up even once, to move him here?

Thinking about things without an answer sucked, and Evans thought this question sucked, so he mentally waved it away.

He looked at the arrows again.

He looked at the archers, who aimed at him, and nocked their arrows.

Not that the arrows or any weapon of theirs were especially threatening to Evans, of course, though who would ask for unnecessary wounds anyway? He already had enough from that fucking plane. His fingers carelessly swiped at the still-open cut on his right cheek. The searing pain told him “nuh uh”, which was a good sign to not touch it again for the time being.

Evans’ current plan for peace was kind of easy in theory. Give them back the arrows, they think he is a good person, or giant, or some secret third other thing, and everyone lives happily ever after.

So why did the idea of actually executing the plan make his hands go cold?

A drop of sweat from his hands fell onto the ground. His face went cold too. His breathing became fast, shallower. His heart was fully preparing to stop. He was just being stupid. Seriously, why would anyone be nervous at a time like this?

Nope. Nope. NOPE. I can NOT do this.

It was not that exchanging information was impossible for them. It was impossible for him to communicate normally.

He threw away the arrows, far away from him, the enclosure, from his line of sight.

Evans gloomily slumped against the walls that, surprisingly, stayed in place.

Now what?

Great question. Too bad he himself couldn’t answer it either.

At the moment, he felt like a cup of water that had been freshly microwaved. The water, hot but deceivingly tranquil, would explode once interacted with. The last 24 hours had given him too much to distract himself from his current predicament. No matter what, he had to face reality.

Pry away the initial amazement of discovering a brand new world, where he is strong, undefeatable, unstoppable, and all that’s left is the bleak reality of him, so large and so alone in this undersized place. What was the point of it all when there was, as far as he knew, no way to go home? He couldn’t even muster the courage to communicate, to ask where he was!

He was human. Humans feel hunger, sadness, pain, homesickness.

He felt all of it.

Would his days be spent living in an oversized pen, for the tiny people to ogle him like some— like some exotic animal? For them to tell stories of him devouring children at night, to scare them into behaving? Are his choices just that now? Between exotic and fearsome?

Do the archers see him that way, too? Just an animal to be disciplined and tamed?

Was he human in their eyes?

Another drop of liquid fell onto the ground, but only Evans knew whether it was sweat, or tears.

…

Evans had to cut his emo session short when he suddenly saw the part of the walls opening up. It was only too bad he couldn’t dwell on his sadness for a little longer. He jolted up, sitting prim and proper, not really sure why he did so when it wasn’t like it would change their impression of him much.

Three carts were pulled by the tiniest horses ever, along with several more soldiers? Guards? He couldn’t know for sure unless he asked. Each cart was piled high with equally miniature food, ranging from meats to fruits to other random stuff he couldn’t identify due to its size or simply because he had never seen it before.

A fourth cart pulled up later, carrying more of what Evans supposed was alcohol. That one he will not touch, guessing that it might put him to sleep again. He had enough sleep for now. He needed to be awake if he wanted to know more, to leave, or learn something useful eventually. Can’t learn shit if he is fucking sleeping anyway.

The guards saluted, possibly to Evans himself, which somewhat confused him, then did the fastest march out of sight after the carts were delivered it was almost funny. He didn’t even have the chance to study them before they Spanish and vanished on him. Oh well, less people to mess up in front of. Time to eat. Being hungry, he devoured the food in less than five minutes. He had no opinion on the food. They simply tasted like food.

It was maybe another infinite moment of boredom and halfway throughout his emo time when the doors opened again, startling Evans for just a fraction of a second.

Another tiny person walked in alone, humming to himself, carrying a smaller cart of even tinier bottles.

His eyes accidentally met Evans’.

The loudest scream Evans could never expect from a person with lungs as small as that loudspeaker of a person pierced the air, sending birds flying and people covering their ears for fear of going deaf.

[newtafterdark]

Taste of Metal - Chapter 10: Sweet Beans AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/66411679 What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”

- - The digital clock on the wall said 4:36 PM. 

 Gordon was laying on the futons in the living room, limbs lazily stretched out and staring at the ceiling. Most members of the Science Team were currently preparing dinner in the kitchen, supervised by Joshua.

 The past few days had been... certainly something. It felt like he had attempted speedrunning several different things at the same time because there was an unsettling feeling of time running out fast for something if he didn't. 

 He knew that was his anxiety. The feeling of too little time for anything, his thoughts running 88 miles per hour, sending him down rabbit holes of thoughts and worries. Especially, since his last job for Black Mesa had him mess up his medication schedule during his time in the simulation. He was slowly getting back to what he considered his personal normal state... and it was honestly a relief. 

 Gordon turned his head to the side, acknowledging Benrey, who was sitting beside him on a pillow, Gordon's injured arm gently laying on his open palms as he was applying a new layer of healing sweetvoice to it. 

His arm was significantly better now. Still sensitive to touch, but all in all healing. Though he had to admit that the scars that had been forming in the process were... unique. 

 The edge of where the mess started was more akin to what he had expected - lighter coloured slightly bumpy lines & patches where the skin had been damaged. 

 But the area where it had been an open wound? That's where it looked... unusual. It looked like a protective layer of flesh & skin had formed where it shouldn't have without a proper surgery. The skin there was just as light as the scarring on the edge... but it felt new. Sensitive. And a certain amount of weird because... well, this simply wasn't what a human body would do on its own during a healing process.

 Then again... his body had been getting help with the whole thing-

 Gordon closed his eyes and let out a soft hum, almost harmonizing with Benrey holding a steady note beside him, as the cool sweetvoice hit his arm. 

 He hadn't really had the time to ponder over the fact that he was sharing his apartment with several non-humans... but laying on a comfy futon, having to hold still and wait for Benrey to be done sweetvoicing at him - yeah, that sounded like a good time as any.

 Well, until he noticed that Benrey stopped singing. He opened one eye, seeing Benrey looking at him with a questioning look on his face, his head slightly tilted to the left.

 "Yo, you gonna space out on me with 'em big thoughts?", Benrey asked.

 Gordon chuckled at that. 

 "I told you once and I'll tell you again - your sweetvoice is good. Helpful and... just really relaxing. Helps my brain shut up about the painful shit and lets me focus on things I actually want to think about. Can't help it, my dude.", he said with a shrug and a soft smile.

 "Huh.", was all Benrey said, keeping eye contact with Gordon.

 The human in question blinked up at the guard.

 "If you want... I can tell you my thoughts while you do... uh... the healing thing? No need to reply to me, just... I don't know, me rambling for a bit?"

 Now it was Benrey's turn to blink - and to Gordon's surprise similarly to a lizard, an eye-lid-like part of eyes closing over them sideways.

 "... that's so fucking cool...", Gordon whispered in awe, staring at Benrey with wide eyes.

 "Whu- What?"

 "The thing your eyes do when you blink! I... I guess I was never close enough to actually notice it. It just looks cool, is all I'm saying."

 "W-Wow, Gordon Flirtman here trying to butter me up with the compliments?"

 Despite his quick retort, Benrey visibly turned a shade darker and averted his eyes, letting out a few pink orbs of sweetvoice before returning to the healing teal.

 Gordon let out an amused huff, resting his free arm behind his head and looking back at the ceiling.

 "Look, I just appreciate all the cool non-human things you and the others can do. I... I don't know how much of it was just part of the simulation and what you can do now that you're free again... but it's simply exciting to me!"

 He heard a slightly deeper-pitched tone coming from Benrey, somehow making him feel like it was okay to continue talking.

 "So many terrifying things crawled out of the Breach over the past years... all with the goal to destroy and to conquer. The Kaiju and every other creature related to them were all I had for reference for non-human beings for a long time. Aside from Joshua, of course, but you get what I mean."

 Benrey let out a few notes that sounded similar to a soft "Uh-huh". 

Gordon continued. 

 "But as scary as you guys think you are... and as you can be-"

 Gordon turned his head towards Benrey once more.

 "- Thank you for being you. Silly, obnoxious, chaotic and kind. And for showing me that not everything you can find beyond portals and in shady labs is something I should fear forever. That I needed to learn to listen and learn, again. To understand. To actually be the kind of scientist I always wanted to be."

 They sat there for a while, Benrey laser-focused on Gordon's arm, a few stray orbs of sweetvoice remaining in the air between them as he eventually closed his mouth.

 "I did a good... thing? By being- uh, me?", Benrey eventually stuttered out, still gently holding Gordon's arm in his hands. 

 Gordon nodded.

 "No one told you to apologize to me after everything - even when I told you not to worry- but you did so anyway and on your own accord. Not to mention you are actively helping me heal physically since the moment you guys found me."

 He reached over, resting his hand on Benrey's knee.

 "You may not be human, Benrey... but you are a person who tries to make up for the things they fucked up. And that's a good thing, in my book."

 Benrey's brows were furrowed as he slowly nodded.

 "I'm.... n-not a bad guy? All the time?"

 "You're a menace with Gremlin energy at worst, at this point."

 That made Benrey snort, Gordon laughing softly in return. 

 "Uh, feed me snacks 24/7 and I'll be the greatest cool!", Benrey added with a grin.

 "That's not how Gremlins work!", Gordon wheezed, moving his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to keep himself from breaking out into loud laughter.

 "Only got the energy, bro. Am not small or fuzzy... right now."

 Gordon slowly sat up, intrigued by the implications of those last two words. He opted to sit cross-legged, radiating curiosity and excitement as his hand was drumming away on his thigh.

 "Shapeshifting... Shapeshifting!! Okay, okay! Tell me when I get too personal with my questions but... uh... you can change your appearance not just in size? Holy shit man, that's... that's WILD!"

 Benrey stared at Gordon with wide eyes for a second, taken off-guard by the man's excitement for his more out-there powers. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously - something he had observed Gordon doing sometimes and added to his own mannerisms. 

 "Yeah, uh, character creation ain't perma-locked. Can access that anytime I want. Makes me tired when I do it too much... but it's cool.", he said, then looking somewhat unsure- "Would you... be a big cool with me doing that? Around here? SMALL WAYS! N-No big Benny. Just... feel comfy here. To do that, I mean."

 Gordon smiled at that, reaching over to place a hand on Benrey's shoulder. 

 "Dude, as long as you don't go full horror and accidentally scare the shit out of any of us, go ahead. I don't know... what you have in mind with "small ways"... but I am curious, so... go ham."

 "You sure? Is right now okay?"

 "Uh... if you want, yeah!"

 Gordon was about to remove his hand to give Benrey some space, but within the blink of an eye Benrey's hands looked... almost paw-like. His fingertips ended in dull claws, while the skin on his hands had a slight gradient to them, reminding Gordon of the ever-present shadow on Benrey's face. He let out a soft gasp-

 "Holy SHIT?!- Let me see?? Can I touch them?"

 "Huh? Ain't nothing fancy, but sure."

 Gordon mirrored Benrey's previous gentleness with his arm as he now carefully took one of Benrey's hands (paws?) in his own.

 "Wow...", Gordon breathed, slowly turning it over-

"HOLY FUCK YOU HAVE BEANS????? PAW BEANS?"

 Benrey let out a crackle at that but nodded. 

 "Sometimes, 'cause it makes stuff easier. Climbing and holding shit and all that. Got that perfect gamer grip."

 "..."

 Benrey tilted his head at Gordon's sudden silence. 

 "Uh... ?"

 Gordon looked up from staring at Benrey's hand, the biggest smirk on his face. 

 "So... you got paw beans."

 "Y-Yeah?"

 "Which means you also have toe beans-"

 "What you talking about Feetm-"

 "Beanrey."

 "Wha-"

 "BEANREY!"

 "NO!", Benrey exclaimed through already starting to laugh, as Gordon fell back on the futon wheezing, barely managing out a "YES!" in reply.

[singing-robot]

re: Dead Cells/Undertale

And why it would be the worst crossover ever. 

First off, I have not finished Dead Cells, and I’m trying to play it as blindly as possible, so please do not add anything further than what I mention right here in this post!!! This includes tips, runes, locations, and unseen dialogue. I’ve recently acquired my first stem cell, and have only gotten to the Concierge once in the many games I’ve started in hard mode, sodo please be mindful of that. And now, the promised content. 

This started off as a fun mashup between the two games, but the realistic side of my brain kicked in and said, “How would this actually go?” And, quite honestly, that one seemed more interesting, both in terms of how this hypothetical game would be played (I wish I could show you guys instead of just talking about it), and in the potential angst that would be held. 

The first thing I feel we need to address is how the game starts. Dead Cellsman (as I so often see him called) has a beheaded prisoner to crawl into each time you start over. Who is supplying these? I have no idea. However, I’m going to say that these bodies are either thrown down there by the same being each time you start, or Mr. Prisoner Sir finds his ride off-screen, and we only see him fall down. 

“But Robot!” you cry. “That’s so unnecessary and specific!!! Why would you bring that up?” Good question!! Because the alternative is diggging his way underground and taking over the dead body of the first fallen human. Only works once, and that’s so horrifying and disgusting that I immediately hated it as soon as I considered it, and wished I never had. The concept of eventually unlocking the other previous humans would be pretty cool if they weren’t, you know, way past their expiration date. 

Disgusting and terrible, but I needed to address it. Next section: actual fighting. 

Mr. Cellsman does not have the time for extensive dialogue and conversations. He’s thrown into prison, given a couple of weapons, and his tutorial covers a total of maybe 20 seconds between three deaths. Everything after that is a line of destruction and occasional smart remarks about something poorly lit by a blue candle. A speedrunning, monster-hacking, hilt-happy creature does not bode well for the residents of the Underground. 

He does not have much sympathy for the dead, and he criticizes those in charge of the living. I don’t blame him, honestly, but it makes me wonder how he would react to something that begged when he’s already supposed to kill it. Or if he would even give them time to do so. For the purposes of this post, he doesn’t. He sees it, he hacks it, he gains whatever coin they had on their person. All things considered, I’d say he would start off with a fairly high Level of Violence, so it would be much easier to go through the game. 

The boss fights would be very interesting. Toriel wouldn’t have any sort of connection as to a child, and would not hold back during her fight. I almost want to see it. The dogs would be the equivalent of Elites, probably. Papyrus would be absolute hell to fight, with his constant ground attacks; not to mention that you’re supposed to hit him in the middle of all of it. He’ll make it a fair fight, of course, but according to even Dead Cells logic, he will be on par with you. I think Undyne would be very similar to the Time Keeper, except you couldn’t simply break out of her hold. 

I did this in my sketchbook and I’m so glad I can make it again with real context.

To be fair, I’ve only gotten as far as Undyne, so I won’t go much farther on that topic, except on the specifics of the next section dealing with Sans, since I won’t ever play that run, anyway. (So, basically, I lied.) 

Encountering Sans at the end would be... very frustrating, to say the least. Either his fight would be very similar to the Hand of the King, or he would simply disappear every time you tried to hit him, until you figure out that there’s actually a secret passage to bypass him entirely and you’ve wasted so much time, there goes your speedrunning record. The difference here might actually count on either the time it took you to get to the end, or how thoroughly you took out the monster population. (He would probably deal more damage than Frisk ever could; getting held up so often allowed for more people to escape.) 

Wow. So. Here we are. Are you still reading this? Have you done this all in one big chunk? Please take a moment to look away from your screen, stretch, and do five real good blinks. Take in a deep breath and hold it. Hold it. A little longer. And out. Yeah, man. Breathe some of the outside stuff, too, for bonus refreshment. Maybe get some water while we’re here. This post is a little long, might as well add in a break time paragraph. I’m certainly using it as a time to stop writing, before I get into the next segment and lose 30 more minutes. Also??? Thanks for sticking through this far, it really means a lot. Especially since I haven’t edited a single bit of this so far, and probably won’t from this point on. 

All right!!! Have you stretched? Have you had some water? Did you take a big whiff of your surroundings so as to not get too lost in the sauce of this crazy post? I hope so, pal, because here comes the fun part: The Aftermath. 

When you fight Sans, he makes his accusation: you’re the anomaly in his research, and you need to be stopped. But here’s the thing: he doesn’t say that on nothing. He says that in almost full confidence, and suspected it in other runs. What gives you away? Not entirely sure, but I bet defeating the Captain of the Royal Guard without dying, or openly having zero interest in things that should be interesting, hints at it. And unless something is lit by a blue candle or offers the promise of cells and upgraded weapons, Dead Cellsman has very little interest in anything at all. 

So you could imagine that someone speedrunning through the Underground, killing everyone in his path while hardly stopping to glance at the scenery, would be waving a big red “time anomaly” flag. And if Sans managed to evade him until the end, and even had the time to overcome any shock and actually do something, that would be one horrible, inescapable fight. 

Here’s where my idea splits in two: 

1. Sans dies. You receive a special item to take out Asgore in one hit, you win, you finish the game. There is... little point in restarting it, because I’m logical and boring and the remaining monsters of the Underground wouldn’t come out of hiding for... a very long time. Longer than it’d be worth Mr. Cellsman to consider coming back for. 

So when Frisk falls, there is nothing and nobody. The place is a little dusty, a little bloody, there’s a few spare coins on the ground, but everything is utterly abandoned. The towns, the stores, the homes you can’t explore, anyway; they’re empty. It’d make for a boring game, honestly. There’s Flowey, but he’s so distracted by recent events that he doesn’t even show up when you first fall. There’s not point in “kill or be killed” when there’s no one around to fight you. He’ll talk to you, sure, but because you’re another entertaining attraction. Your SOUL would be great, but what’s the point if the others are almost completely inaccessible, now? 

Perhaps he’ll tell you the tale of the genocidal killing spree he witnessed for fun. 

2. (This ending applies to ones with and without a Sans fight, with or without total monster destruction.) Not to add another angst story featuring the Sans man, bUT... Sans does not die. You get past him, you take out Asgore, you win the game, whatever. You get to move on.

And Sans was wrong. Nothing resets. He thought he was right, he was so positive, but here he is. And there are so many people who are dead. It must be hard to deal with, when he hardly has anyone to blame it on. He can’t even curse the murderer to his face. So imagine what it must be like to watch another monster kill so many of its own kind, only to have a human fall after that. The creature that banished them all underground is now here to either finish them off or send them to the Surface, but I doubt anyone thinks it’s the latter. The angel has returned to free them all.

I accidentally made a super metal and symbolic image to go with this, I will post it separately because, holy cow, did not expect it to turn out like this. 

Frisk has to face the most scared, enraged, and depressed monsters they could ever have encountered. Some of them will attack as viciously as they can. Others will beg for mercy, or run as quickly as possible. More will just wait, confused and perhaps upset if they are spared. There will be some who are simply NPCs, as per usual, but they will be very different. There will be fewer. Frisk’s mission to save monsters and encourage their character development will be vastly different and very difficult. 

I... made the mistake of waiting over 24 hours to type out the second half of this and lost some of the steam I started with, but I’m also bad at simply describing how bleak and depressing it would be without getting too much into it. So!!! To conclude, a semi-realistic Dead Cells/Undertale crossover would be extremely sad and depressing, since it’s basically coming in on the aftermath of almost-genocide. I will definitely accept further questions and, possibly, requests regarding this post, especially since you actually read through the entire thing and endured through everything in this post even after my enthusiasm died down in my writing. Sorry to disappoint after hyping up The Aftermath, but I was writing that at midnight and probably lost some of my good points. Definitely had a better version in my head. 

I also super ignored almost everything involving Flowey for Mr. Prisoner Sir because uhhh I didn’t want to write around that too much, so please don’t call me out on it because I definitely am aware of it and only have weak justifications for doing so. And, since we’re both here, 

UnderCells - a little catchy, I like it, but it sounds like the main story itself would be focusing on Dead Cellsman going through the Underground. While it would, to an extent, ignoring Frisk’s presence would simply make it a new level and brief one shot thing for the man. I really like the sound of it, though. 

DeadTale - far more appropriate for Frisk’s leg of the journey (as well as all of monsterkind), kinda funny in a sick sort of way, definitely used somewhere else. 

It doesn’t matter if you use either of these terms, I thought I’d address it since it’s already a super long post :’D

You made it to the end!!! Congratulations!!! 

[saevalunaelumen]

   [ Saix/Isa ] [ Impressions on other Org. members list. ]

      Kind of in order, but also kind of not.

   -Just, like, right from the start, I am bad at communication. Always have been.    -I don’t remember much about my actual home growing up in Radiant Garden, and this is probably largely due to simply not being at home most of the time since Lea and I tended to roam around all day.    -I was an only child, I’m pretty sure, with both parents around, but they seemed to be pretty hands-off in terms of parenting? Suited me fine, I guess.    -My mother might have been artsy? Somehow?     -I was trans (dfab) and liable to break your hands if you so much as commented on it. Probably part of why I wore a jacket all the time.    -I was kind of a fighty kid in general? Not Lea’s kind of fighty, definitely not that obvious, but not going to take anyone’s shit. Might have been part of why I didn’t have anyone but Lea for a friend, but that also suited me fine.    -Surprisingly tolerant of insults, though, depending on what they were? I don’t know. I was a weird kid. Probably would be more liable to fight someone on insulting Lea than myself.    -I was kind of protective of Lea in general. He was far too nice for anyone to be mean to him. I mean, sure we could both kinda be gremlins at times, but still.    -I’m the one kid you know who definitely knows and/or uses more swears than they probably should.    -I remember Merlin and I liked him. I tried sneaking into his place once because he had books that seemed interesting and I wanted to read them ( so basically books in general ). I think he caught me, but laughed it off and just said that I could read some of them if I wanted to, which surprised me because I guess I had it in my mind that he wouldn’t let me if I’d just asked. He was just... a weird, wizard guy with a bunch of books. I kind of wonder if I ever saw him again later on after everything. I definitely didn’t know that he was significant, considering his status as a wizard, at the time.    -Lea and I liked to prowl around the castle and see if we could sneak in for one reason or another. More Lea’s idea than mine, probably. I think the goal was generally just to see what was going on in that castle because no one seemed to know. Combine that with the allure of the forbidden and you’ve got yourself a couple of curious and adventurous kids. I think we pretty much always got found at one point or another by one of the guards and tossed out, rinse, repeat. It got to the point where it was just kind a regular thing that was expected of us. I think Dilan was probably annoyed by it, Aeleus was kind of neutral about it, and I think Braig just thought it was amusing more than anything. Pretty sure Even also was aware of it and definitely did not like it. Ansem “the Wise,” I can’t really say if he ever knew. Or cared. We never really seemed to actually see the guy? At least I don’t really remember him.    -Most of the “trouble making” we would get up to was around the castle in general. We weren’t actually that bad. For the most part. Could be biased on that, though.    -I liked to stargaze and usually Lea would stargaze with me. Sometimes I think we would try and perch or climb up on things to try and get a better view ( ...as if that really mattered that much, but oh well ). I’d point out things like stars or the constellations and rattle off some random fact I’d read about somewhere and he’d usually reply with something like “that’s cool,” but probably not remember what I actually told him later on. That didn’t matter, though, because I didn’t expect him to.    -I don’t know when exactly, but at some point I realized that I actually liked Lea romantically and then proceeded to shove those feelings ten feet under the ground and never speak of them. They always seemed to pop up again whenever I felt like I’d forgotten about then, though. Still. Lea never knew.    -I was around... 14-ish? When we died? Lea was younger, but not by more than a year.    -It started off as pretty much... the same thing we were always doing, sneaking into the castle to see what was up or something like that, just. Something went wrong. I think we saw something we weren’t supposed to. Some kind of a confrontation happened, I think Lea might’ve pretty much frozen on me, so I shoved him and told him to go/run. Don’t think he actually did. I really don’t remember anything else between then and becoming a Nobody.

   -I’m 90% sure nobody of the original RG crew actually knew what the fuck we were doing in the beginning. The scientists were MacGyvering a bunch of shit at the start. Seriously. No one was really sure what would happen beforehand, so after the fact it was just like one big ‘learn as we go’ kind of deal. Kind of funny, in hindsight? Axel and I weren’t really expected to know shit from fuck about most of that stuff, though. We kinda just... got swept along for the ride.    -Basically, you know that period of time as a nobody where you had to figure out how the fuck to function as a nobody? Yeah, we had no prior knowledge of what to do, unlike with Roxas and newer members, so it really was just everyone bullshitting everything. It is due to that bullshitting early on that we actually knew what to do with the people like Roxas who came later on. Think Roxas kinda got the speedrun version, though, because we needed him active as soon as possible.    -I did not and really never did get the hang of magic. It was just... not my thing for some reason? Any magic that wasn’t my own attribute was basically useless for me. It sucked, but I learned to manage without it.     -In fact, I’d venture to say that my attribute’s “magic” wasn’t even technically my own. I didn’t say things like “Moon shine down.” for no reason. I think it was basically like borrowing a little sliver of KH’s power to try and use. It was also kind of an... all or nothing sort of deal. Where most other people could use their as, say, 20% or so of their full power, if I was using mine, it was pretty much as 90% or more at all times. That’s why it was so tiring to use - it was exhausting afterwards if I was using it for any lengthy period of time. Also probably part of why ‘berserk mode’ was... what it was.    -As Nobodies, we definitely had some inhuman features/auras to us, which varied from person to person. I got the pointy ears, for sure. My canine teeth were sharper and longer than they used to be. I had a slight yellow glare to my eyes ( like the kind you get from an animal with light reflecting off their eyes ) - along with slightly better lowlight vision as well. Generally stronger than a human, but part of that was because of training/working out, too, just... more. If I was around humans for any reason, I’m pretty sure they’d inherently be intimidated to some extent. Couldn’t say much more about my own aura, though, you’d have to ask someone else for that, probably? Berserk mode also had more noticeable differences too - like the full yellow eyes, for instance, which had a dull glow to them, I think. That change in the eyes came with a change in vision, too, better to see in the dark with, but everything was tinted a little bit yellow. My scar would get more jagged, teeth would get sharper as a whole, my hair tended to fan out and get choppier?     -Early on, sparring with other Org members was pretty commonplace, but I think it may have just been with the guard trio, in my case? Usually with Lexaeus, who was more evenly matched for me than either of the other two. The difficulty level for me in a spar with them basically goes, from easiest to hardest to fight, Lexaeus, Xaldin, Xigbar. Trying to hit Xigbar is like trying to hit a particularly active fly - who would also port around and shoot you. No hard feelings ever came from any of that, though, as if we would’ve been capable of it anyway.    -I was... so taken by the idea that we didn't have hearts or feelings that I feel so hard for the lie that we really couldn't feel anything. In the beginning, yeah, that was pretty much true, but later on there was definitely something there, I just ignored it. Always reminded everyone else that there wasn’t any real feeling there, too.    -I really did want to get my heart back, though. I really did. That’s part of why, when Roxas and Xion started acting not quite according to plan, I was so harsh on them. They were “our only chance,” or so we were led to believe. Any contrary actions they took were taking away from possible progress towards everyone’s end goal, that’s pretty much what I thought. I didn’t understand why they seemed to want anything other than that.    -I knew there were many things that Xemnas wasn't telling us and Xigbar definitely knew more than I did, which was frustrating considering that I Like To Know Everything ( no doubt a carryover from my prior life ), but there sure wasn't any way I was going to ask them either.    -Earlier on, maybe a year or two into being nobodies ( and I don’t think Demyx was around yet at the time ), Axel and I got it in our heads somehow that we were going to just. Leave for a while. Like a little vacation - we planned to come back, but I think he was just bored and I was inclined to agree with him to take a break. I’m pretty sure it was his idea, like how it was his idea to sneak into the castle usually, and I’d have probably followed him pretty much anywhere just like I used to do before anyway. Don’t think we really... had much of a plan? Just roam around like we used to do? I daresay Xemnas knew what was up before we even left, but we went. It probably looked like actual desertion to him and the others. Pretty sure it was Xigbar that got sent after us to bring us back. The interaction with Xemnas that followed isn’t something that I really remember, but I know it wasn’t good. I think Axel kind of froze up on answering like he’d done before a year or two ago and that gave me enough time to speak up and say it was my idea. Probably habit from back then. I think Xemnas knew I was lying, too, but I think that might have been what earned me my scar as a sort of punishment. Can’t go anywhere without them knowing with a big X on my face, no matter what I did. I daresay he did it with his hand, not any kind of weapon. Xemnas’ attribute was “Nothing” and we were “Nothing,” after all. That’s part of why he was so fucking scary to other nobodies in particular.    -Pretty sure we were the reason for the ‘no deserters’ rule.    -The X was part of why, if Axel and I were planning anything, it had to be Axel wandering around getting any of it done. Plus, I was busy.    -Not sure if that incident was also when both Axel and I were norted. If it wasn’t, then it wouldn’t have been much time after that. Yes, Axel was norted, but he shook his off somewhere in KH2.    -The nort that I had earlier on wasn’t that strong, but it definitely made a different. My thoughts and actions were influenced more by what Xehanort wanted, like a re-alignment of goals. It worked well enough.    -The nort that I had in DDD, though, that was something else. A whole different level. Much less control on my part, or at least it seems that way? Pretty sure Young Xehanort had something to do with that. I really don’t remember, though, and I may have still been knocked out when it happened.    -Pretty sure I did indeed claymore Axel when he came to try and free Kairi, didn't even regret it at the time.    -I did go on missions of my own, though almost never with a partner and I only left after everyone else was already gone on their own - usually also tried to return decently quickly, so probably before most other people returned. I genuinely don’t know if some of the lower numbered members even knew I did go on missions at all for that reason.    -I definitely did, especially closer to Days/KH2 time period, have that 'everyone goes quieter when I walk in' kind of effect on a room, but less so with people like Xigbar or Axel who knew me well enough and/or didn't care.

   -Later on, I have no idea what exactly happened in terms of getting rid of the nort, but I am pretty sure it was not a pleasant experience. Might not have been a voluntary one on my part either. Not sure when in the timeframe it happened, either.    -I don’t remember much about anything that happened shortly after that point? Pretty sure I dissociated for a fair bit of that time. Functioned on auto-pilot for a while. Figuring out how to be a person again.     -100% the type of person who probably had to make reminders for myself to eat, too. This is probably in part because, as a nobody, I didn’t need to eat unless I wanted to, so I hadn’t usually. Came back to bite me, I guess. Probably also made lists for things.    -I honestly have no idea what happened to most of the others? Not sure I really cared.    -Lea was a definite presence, though, and so were the rest of the trio like Sora, Riku, and Kairi by proximity.     -Talking to Lea for a while was Hella Awkward and I honestly didn't understand how he could still be so damn happy to see me after everything, but that's just how he is, I guess. How he was before, too.    -A flannel gay. Lea and I got together at some point, I think. God knows how exactly it happened.    -The islands trio were wary of me at first, but they trusted Lea, so they didn’t question my being around. Or, at least, they didn’t do it to my face. Pretty sure Sora was the first to rebound back and trust me more. Didn’t understand how, but then there’s a lot of things about Sora that I just didn’t understand and didn’t question either at that point.    -I don’t think the islands trio was really around that often, though. They were younger than Lea and I and had their own world/lives to live in, so?     -Riku and I didn’t get along still, though - we weren’t much different from one another in some ways, however, and I couldn’t tell you when, but that ‘not getting along with each other’ ended up being… a joke? Of sorts? Maybe we did get along eventually, but we pretended like we still didn’t, probably because we were both stubborn, but it wasn’t hostile, it was more like… the kind of teasing you’d expect of friends or siblings. Like calling each other stupid names. Like Rice. Or Rikki. Riolu. Ricola. Reekoo. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.    -Really don’t remember much about Kairi, though. I know I’d seen her around to some extent? Don’t think she was scared of or hated me after a while, though I honestly wouldn’t have blamed her if she had.    -Honestly, I was surprised all three of them didn’t.    -May or may not have been a part of the group restoring Radiant Garden? I know I didn’t like seeing what it became and, honestly, I’m not so sure what I’d really be up to otherwise. I feel like I probably got along well enough with Sid.    -Acquired? Dog(s)? I hope I had dogs. I feel like I had dogs.    -I continued working out and such to keep up my strength. If anything ever came up again, I wanted to be able to deal with it. Even if my way of dealing with it would have just been hitting it really hard.    -Honestly probably just kept to myself for the most part unless other people interacted with me first. That’s mostly how I’ve always been, though.    -I think people were definitely wary of whether or not my Berserk Mode would happen again at any point, but I kept a pretty tight lock on that for multiple reasons. I could have done it again, I think, despite KH not being around, because I could have pulled from the actual moon, but it wouldn’t have had as potent an effect ( which would have been for the better at that point, probably, using it wasn’t exactly safe? ).