#anyway ill stop thinking about it now xx

[stillintoeddie]

HANG UP | carlos sainz x original female character

social media/real life/messages fic

part 4/6

~~~

gabby44 hi twitter or as would max call it: hello x 🤓☝🏻

i’ve got a bit of time right now since we all happily landed in canada this morning, and i thought we could do a little q&a so ask questions below xx

user1 where do u get ur clothes from??

gabby44 mostly by thrifting, vinted, depop. i got some designer pieces but most of them were gifted to me. i don’t rly like spending too much money on clothes.

user2 have u ever had a boyfriend? i feel like you’ve never talked about this publicly

gabby44 i have. but i’d rather not talk about it since it was before my “career” and he didn’t give me permission to mention him x

user3 how long have u known max?

gabby44 since i was 10 and he was 12 :)

user4 are u talking to someone right now? romantically?

gabby44 not that i’m aware of. but i do have a crush if that’s what u mean x

user5 what’s ur favourite song at the moment?

gabby44 i can’t stop listening to say my name by destiny’s child so that’s my fav at the moment x

maxverstappen when will u give me back my hoodie my dearest, most loving, beautiful friend?

gabby44 next… question x

user6 have you ever thought of max in a romantic way

gabby44 as much as i love max and i think he’s one of the best good looking men out here i can’t think or never thought of him in a romantic way. we’ve shared so many memories with each other that shaped us into siblings that im physically unable to look at him romantically. but i love him the most in my life.

user7 do you stay in touch with any other f1 driver other than max?

gabby44 i keep in touch with most of them but day to day it’s charles, lando and carlos x

user8 if you were to kiss, marry and kill previously mentioned f1 drivers how would u put it?

gabby44 i would marry max because we already basically live and spend so much time together we started to fight like an old married couple, kill charles because if i chose it any other way alexandra would murder me and it leaves me with kissing carlos but i’m not complaining xx

user9 i’m moving to a new country next month and i’m very stressed. how have you dealt with leaving your family behind and moving abroad? i’m aware you move occasionally a lot when the races are on but i mean like in general. how to do it?

gabby44 unfortunately i do not have an exact answer. it was easy for me because my dad and i’s relationship wasn’t the best and it wasn’t hard for me to leave it. i saw it as an opportunity to start a new, better life. and i had max by my side. i recommend moving to a place where you know at least one person, then its easier. i moved out when i was freshly 18 and i met such an amazing people throughout the years. if you ever need an advice you can text me. i gave you a follow so we can chat when you need it:)

gabby44 okay you lot it’s over for today because i’ve got errands to run and my phone keeps overheating. remember don’t charge and use your phone at the same time. anyway, ill do something like that again very soon xx

~~~

gabriela put the phone down and got up of her bed. it’s a race day tomorrow and since they’re in canada she has the opportunity to go to her favourite coffee place. it is most definitely not a very popular place but the coffee there is amazing. she put on the first tracksuit she could find and put on her redbull jacket. it was a bit cold today.

‘what are we gonna listen to today?’ she asked herself as she put on shuffle on spotify.

tides thrash inside

baby, i’m high octane

forever in shock wave

my core vibrates in an opium haze

she left the hotel room, went to an elevator and walked passed the lobby. she didn’t notice a single sing that was around her.

yet you think we’re the same

the skyline falls as i try to make sense of it all

i thought i’d uncover your secrets, but turns out there’s more

when she had her headphones on, the world didn’t exist. she didn’t think about anything.

or that’s what she was used to.

you adored me before

oh, my good looking boy

she couldn’t help but think of carlos. of his eyes. of his lips. of his smile. of his hair. of his arms, hands, back, ears.

she missed him.

she’s not talked to him since the “argument” before her meeting with her father. the truth is she wasn’t mad. she was just stressed about her meeting. she always got tensed when it came to talking about her father.

she doesn’t even know why she didn’t talk to carlos in the first place. she’s not talked to anyone but max since that day. her father embarrassed her. the whole night was a disaster.

‘if you invited me just to embarrass me in front of your new wife then you could have at least pick a better place with better food so it wouldn’t go to waste fully.’ gabriela snapped at her father after he just commented on her looks.

you look pale, your hair is too long, your nails are overgrown. why haven’t you gotten married yet? choose a better career, you’re not gonna live off of being a photographer for silly drivers. why aren’t you with eric anymore?

‘i do not appreciate your tone, young lady.’ he snapped back at her as he grabbed the table. ‘i invited you because i simply thought you were done being forever mad and childish.’

‘childish? me? i am being childish?’ she stood up and looked at her father’s wife. ‘it was nice to meet you and i feel pity for you for marrying such a dick.’

everyone gasped. looks like she said it a bit too loud.

‘goodbye, father. do not contact me ever again.’ and with that, she left.

turned off her phone, got home, got dressed into a random set of pyjamas. but she didn’t do one thing. didn’t lock the door so after a few hours of being offline and not giving anyone updates on her being, she saw max in front of her door. she didn’t say a thing. she just let him in. and he stayed, as usual.

as always.

it’s always gabriela and max.

both the children of abusive fathers.

~~~

‘thank you, cheers.’ exactly 5 seconds after leaving the coffee shop she bumped into someone’s back which resulted in spilling half of coffee. ‘fuck, i’m so sorry- oh god, carlos?’

‘you’re lucky you always get your coffee iced,’ he muttered pretending to be mad but his eyes were giving him out. he couldn’t be mad, especially at gabriela. ‘i’m joking, mija. what are you doing here? are you okay? you’ve sort of vanished since we last talked?’

‘i’m…okay. the meeting with my father was hard, as usual. and listen, i’m sorry i left you hanging and was rude. i guess i was just nervous about my father and you know how he gets into my head. anyway, can i make it up to you somehow?’

‘first of all, let’s get you a new coffee and then we can go for a walk to some shop to get us new shirts,’ carlos said with a caring smile on his face. no longer than 5 minutes later carlos got back with two coffees while gabriela was waiting outside. ‘there you go, an oat iced latte with a vanilla syrup.’

‘how did you-‘

‘some things never change, no?’

~~~

‘okay so, tell me how meeting with your dad went.’ carlos said as he sat down. keeping eye contact all this time.

‘long story short as soon as i arrived at the restaurant he commented on my clothes, then said that i look fat and why did i break up with my ex. even tho we broke up 3 years ago but huh, this is how much attention he’s paying to me.’ gabriela began explaining. ‘also said that my job is “stupid, useless, won’t get me anywhere and these boys will fuck you and leave you without a job” but i actually don’t remember that i signed a contract to “be fucked” but i signed this stupid contract to do what i love.’

she was ranting and ranting and ranting and carlos was just sat there listening. she told him about everything that happened in the last year and he was so mad that he wasn’t there for the past year to help her go through that like he used to. he was aware they were just friends back then, like they are now and that she had max on her side but he just had the need to help her. to take care of her. to be next to her at all times.

‘and yeah, that’s basically what happened.’ she finished and looked at her friend. ‘i’m sorry i ranted to much but i didn’t think i needed it that much.’

‘that’s okay, cariña. i understand,’ he said and pulled her closer to him. ‘i’m here now and i’m sorry i wasn’t there earlier.’

gabriela felt safe with him, happy. heard.

‘i missed you, you know?’ she confessed quietly.

he looked at her and smiled, ‘i missed you too, mija. very much.’

~~~

lando my bfs gf and i

liked by: carlossainz55, gbrlle44, maxverstappen1, baileyphillips and 899,763 others

user1 what did i miss

user2 user1 i know this song

baileyphillips u mean my girlfriend

carlossainz55 what on the hell

gbrlle44 carlossainz55 we are on earth chilli

maxverstappen1 and what if i died right now

danielricciardo KI KI KIIIIIIIII

lando danielricciardo RHAAAAA

user4 where is her outfit from it’s so gorg

carlossainz55 i’m trying to read the caption but i don’t get it

charles_leclerc why wasn’t i invited

lando charles_leclerc it wasn’t planned look at our faces we look confused

gbrlle44 lando u always look confused xxx

~~~

dailynews SHOCKING NEWS gabriela herrera and carlos sainz recently spotted together in public again! not long after that a formula1 driver lando norris posted on his instagram account a confirmation about previously stated topic. are they going to confirm it publicly? or is gabriela going to wrap another man around her finger and say that they are just friends AGAIN and leave him just like he left her long time boyfriend max verstappen? stay tuned for more. as always, fastest and most accurate daily news.

~~~

max: have you seen the newest post this shitshow posted?

gabriela: no, should i?

max: i think you should but wait

incoming facetime call

‘what?’ gabriela said as she saw max’s face on her phone

‘show me your surroundings.’ max stated calmly but his voice low.

gabriela super confused switched her camera around to show him that she’s on her bed, only a bag of crisps in sight and potentially something that looks like a tv remote. ‘what are you needing this for?’

‘okay now, stay on facetime with me and look what i sent you.’

‘you’re so weird max-‘ she said and as she opened her laptop and looked at the screenshot the screen. ‘can’t be-‘

the second she saw it her phone fell off her hands and all max heard was a long chain of swear words, both in english, spanish and some in a language he didn’t recognise. ‘QUE CARAJO I WILL FUCKING KILL SOMEONE WHEN I FIND OUT WHO WRITES THIS SHIT.’

‘calm down babe, you know how they are.’ max stated calmly, trying to calm her down. but the second gabriela starts to speak in spanish- it’s over. ‘gabriela, breathe.’

‘i don’t understand this max, why do they hate me so much? i didn’t do anything, ever.’ she let out a quiet sob, she really didn’t understand why this was happening to her.

‘it’s okay, none of this is true anyway.’

‘yeah, not entirely…’ she said quietly as she put her face in her hands. ‘carlos and i did go on a date tho. well, i wouldn’t call this a date because it was freshly after we talked to each other after all this time of being no contact but we went out a few times after that but it was strictly friendship-wise. i think.’

‘that’s fine,’ he said. gabriela noticed a small change of his facial expression. ‘you’re a grown woman, you know what you’re doing. and i’m rooting for you.’

‘thanks max.’

‘no problem, gabs.’

~~~ author’s notes ~~~

alright people i’ve got two more parts prepared, and i think you will like it although the last part will be just ‘social media’ written! i’ve got so many ideas in my head for new fics that i will write and since i’ve got some issues with focusing i can’t write it at the same time or i will mix up the stories AND WE DONT WANT THAT DO WE xx

i also have some max ones. and messy stuff that includes both max and carlos. stay tuned x

[piastri-lover]

who would have guessed; alex albon

summary: in which you and alex are dropping hints about your relationship, and yet no one seems to be getting the hint

pairing: alex albon x celeb!reader

author's note: i fucking love alex albon and this prompt!! icl i dont know he's so underrated but i enjoyed making this sm xx

INSTAGRAM

yourusername 📍tulum, mexico

liked by pierregasly, zendaya and 17293057 yourusername summer time x view comments

-

user1 i love y/n so fucking much

user2 wife

user3 are u kidding i was lit in mexico two days ago and NOW the queen is here -user4 lit flew out this morning i could have met my wife

zendaya having fun? ;)) -yourusername don't know what u mean by that --zendaya ill keep my mouth shut

user5 after 3 months of oppenheimer filming y/n prob needs a break -user6 she slayed as jean though --user5 100%

user7 mexico is my country and i'm so glad u love it liked by yourusername -user7 omg y/n liked my comment im done

user8 whos she with -user9 idk but someone def took that 3rd photo

user10 why is pierre in the queen y/n's likes?? -user11 i bet he forgot to switch accounts and liked without thinking --user12 ariana what are u doing here

~~~

TWITTER

~~~

~~~

INSTAGRAM

yourusername 📍tulum, mexico

liked by sydney_sweeney, landonorris and 32017295 others yourusername thank u for the restuarant reccomendation, we loved it xx view comments

-

user13 mother is mothering

user14 she's so fit -user15 that scene in oppenheimer changed me as a person

user16 THERES A BOY -user17 omg omg omg this is not a drill

sydney_sweeney y/n... -yourusername ill call u later and fill u in babe

user18 first pierre, now lando -user19 the entire grid is simping for y/n and tbh i don't blame them

user20 the soft launch is beginning -user21 im so ready to analyse every screenshot to try and work this out first

user22 i need that dress

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

alex_albon replied to your story:

alex_albon ur fans are going wild on twt rn

yourusername really?? i haven't checked

alex_albon mhmm like they havent stopped speculating for hours im sure i saw someone ship u with fucking lando

yourusername he is kinda cute...

alex_albon oy

yourusername im kidding we still going out for dinner tonight??

alex_albon yup its me and you, george and carmen and lando lol

yourusername all good

alex_albon pick u up at 8?

yourusername counting down the minutes baby love u x

alex_albon love u more x

~~~

landonorris

liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 4103549 others landonorris my fave couples (im so alone) view comments

-

user23 umm

user24 lando babe i dont feel like u were supposed to post this

georgerussell63 he's passed out and i dont know his password idk what to do -user25 george are y/n and alex dating??? --georgerussell63 no lando was just feeling a bit silly

user26 george trying to defend alex and y/n when we obv know they're dating

alex_albon i let him take one photo and ofc he does this -yourusername at least we look cute --alex_albon we always look cute baby

user27 i wasnt sure about alex but look they're so wholesome

user28 im j wondering how tf alexander albon pulled the y/n -user29 me too --user30 like nothing against him but y/n is... well y/n

landonorris wait i thought this was my private

landonorris so so sorry -yourusername ur buying me a drink when we next go out --landonorris done and done ---alex_albon my girl has expensive taste lando u have completely shot urself in the foot

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

tagged: alex_albon liked by zendaya, pierregasly and 51294856 othersyourusername lando ruined my softlaunch(🖕🖕) but anyway i kinda love him so be nice xx view comments

-

user31 no bc theyre acc cute

user32 i hate to have to share my wife but it would be with him

landonorris ive apologised 1000 times idk what more to do -alex_albon she had the entire thing all planned out but no lando norris had to intervene --yourusername honestly im heartbroken i might need another bottle of champagne... ---landonorris fuck off y/n the last bottle was like £1000

alex_albon leng -yourusername appreciate it bro

alex_albon the last photo❤️❤️❤️-yourusername love u big man

user33 omg i hope we get to see her at a grand prix soon -yourusername im def coming to spa and we'll see after that

williamsracing already saving a seat for u -yourusername i cant wait xx

user34 dont know whether i want to be alex or her

user35 bi awakening -user36 fr

user37 sleeping on the highway tonight -landonorris ill be joining u --user38 landos so real for that

[maddssturns]

˚࿔ #2 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 - 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

#2 in my first writing marathon - heartbreak weather, niall horan

creds to @bernardsbendystraws for the dividers!

creds to @delilahsturniolo for the amazing idea!

disclaimers: fluff and yeah hope u enjoy <3 xx

word count: 543

“i promise that ill love you for the rest of my life” - black and white, niall horan

three years.

three years of loving matt in all the loud, silly, quiet, and heartbreaking ways there are to love someone.

it started with coffee, of all things. a cold morning, a too-long line, and him offering to buy mine because “you looked like you needed something warm.” i remember thinking he was cute, but it was the way he smiled when i said thank you that stuck with me. like he already knew i’d be important to him.

i didn’t realize then just how right he’d be.

we didn’t fall in love all at once. it was slow. it was little things. him remembering how i take my coffee. him texting me good morning before i even opened my eyes. him sitting with me in silence when the world felt too heavy to speak. it was him learning the parts of me i usually keep hidden and loving me anyway.

matt made love feel easy. even when life wasn’t.

so when our three-year anniversary rolled around, i didn’t expect anything big. he’s thoughtful, not flashy. we made plans to go to our favorite beach, one we’ve been to too many times to count. it’s not tropical or fancy or even all that quiet, but it’s ours. we always end up there, barefoot and happy, walking the shoreline like we’ve got nowhere else to be.

that day, the sky was overcast, soft and gray like a favorite hoodie. the ocean looked calm, a little sleepy. i didn’t think anything of it when he laced our fingers together, or when he kept glancing at me like he was memorizing my face. he always does that. matt notices everything.

but then he stopped walking.

i turned to ask why, and he just… smiled. that nervous kind of smile that only shows up when he’s feeling something big. and then he let go of my hand and dropped to one knee.

my heart flipped. everything around us froze. the ocean, the wind, the world. it was just him and me and the way his hands shook as he pulled the little box from his pocket.

“i’ve been thinking about this for a long time,” he said, voice soft but steady. “you make everything better. you’ve made me better. and if i’m lucky enough, i want to spend the rest of my life making you feel as loved as you make me feel every day.”

i forgot how to breathe. literally. i just stared at him, at the ring, at the boy who turned into the love of my life.

he tilted his head, smile faltering just a little. “so… will you marry me?”

i didn’t even say yes at first. i just threw my arms around him, laughed and cried at the same time, nodded into his shoulder until he pulled back to look at me.

“that’s a yes, right?” he teased, eyes glassy.

“yes,” i finally said, kissing him. “of course it’s a yes.”

we sat there in the sand for a while, wrapped up in each other, letting the waves crash and the wind blow. it didn’t matter what the sky looked like. everything felt golden.

three years ago, i fell for a boy with kind eyes and a cute smile.

now, i get to marry him.

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 thanks for reading!

　ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

[unheavenlybody]

xx

overshare ahead sowwy suicidal thoughts tw i guess.

i'm hoping i have a chance to call my friend later and talk rationally about this but ik she is also going through a rough patch and i dont want to burden her. idk what i really expect out of writing this post other than to complain about my relationship with my dad once again but i honestly feel like i'm at the end of my rope and not in a jokey way, i just don't know how to be sincere about this shit so pardon the occasional "lol" or silly tone or whatever.

it's not really a unique situation... i'm trapped in my relationship with my dad because i can't afford to live independently from him and my mom (and she can't afford to live without him, which is why she keeps coming back even when she says she will leave!!!!). i don't really have any friends or family that would take me in, so that is the only reason he and i still have a relationship. i know people have survived far worse living situations, my dad is not the worst father to ever exist or anything, but he can be cruel and emotionally volatile and makes me feel like i can never let my guard down or make the slightest mistake. i never know what will set him off. honestly he still terrifies me and hurts me as much as when i was a little defenseless kid, except now it's not physical violence that is doing the damage. now that he can't hit me anymore (cuz he knows ill hit back now LMAO) it's like all of the rage that he released by hitting me comes out with his words instead. today i realized i almost prefer the way it was before, when he would usually just hit me instead. the things he says stick with me, they make me doubt my own sanity and self image, my own motivations for doing things. i dont know who the real me is anymore, cuz the version of me that he sees is just a terrible, worthless, unfixable human being. i dont know whether that's true or not. part of me is starting to believe him. i dont mean to anger him, i just want peace and quiet honestly, but maybe its like some subconscious thing. do i subconsciously want the conflict? am i subconsciously trying to hurt and disrepect him? i dont fucking know. before i didn't think so! today i ordered takeout that was too expensive for his liking (with MY MONEY) and dropped a piece of his paper on the floor and didn't notice it. these two minor things turned into a screaming match why???? genuinely why????when it could have been a level headed conversation??? this shit is fucking MORONIC i feel crazy

regardless i'm beginning to realize a connection between my suicidal thoughts and our relationship. how a lot of the thoughts that arise, of worthlessness and being a bad person, of feeling suffocated and like i have no happiness in my future, come from things that he has said or done to me. he isn't the sole problem of course, i know that. but i dont know how to stop feeling suicidal while he is still a part of my life, when i can never feel fully safe and can't get his negativity out of my head. is it unfair to want him out of my life for that, like i'm unjustly placing the blame on him? what if im actually the problem and i don't realize it? maybe we're both equally culpable. maybe a therapist is best equipped to answer those questions lol, but i dont have one to talk to!!!

i dont really have an emotional support system for this sort of thing other than my one friend, and like i said i dont want to put shit like this on her when she's also not doing the best. i want to be able to support her and make her happy but i feel like im falling apart lol. well i know she'd prefer to keep to herself while she's recovering anyways, which is why i've been trying my best to keep a distance and give her time, but it's hard. i'm so lonely and i just want to be comforted by someone and i want someone to care and i want to be reminded that there is still love and a promising future out there for me and that there are things to stick around for. but i don't believe that's in store for me, honestly. i dont think good things are coming, just more of the same, because i dont have the motivation inside of me to get better. i want to tell my mom or my sister how i'm feeling right now. i want them to understand me, or at least try to see where i'm coming from and tell me we'll figure it out and lay with me till i go to sleep like when i was little, but i guess i have to get over wanting that sort of thing. i know my mother will aways side with my dad over me, and my sister will tell me i just need to toughen up and get over his bullshit just like she has. i wish was stronger and more independent, like her.

i know we can't have our hands held through adulthood and nobody is coming to save me and blah blah blah. but i don't understand how anyone can bear all of this everyday for an entire lifetime, like just being alive in the world? and having the responsibility rest on your shoulders alone? like how is anyone keeping it together bro? i feel like i'm only doing a fraction of what an adult my age is "supposed" to have accomplished and im so tired and absolutely fumbling through everything. i want to be done with it all. i see all these expectations that come along with being a "functional," "responsible," and independent adult and it makes me feel like im suffocating. like i can never achieve it, even though i know that if i really tried maybe i could. i'm scared to seek out professional help bc i dont want to get put into a psych ward or some shit and honestly deep down i dont even know if i actually want them to intervene and try to help me, even with less extreme measures. i'm just really tired of being alive and i don't see a future for myself. wishing i wasn't here anymore. i dont even know how to end this post or connect these final thoughts. if you actually read it to the end then thanks goodbye

[sassbuttuniverse-blog]

Life after College

It's currently 5:44 in the morning, and no i am not a morning person. I haven't gotten any sleep yet because surprise surprise, at the age of 23, my sleeping schedule still sucks. I found myself logging on to this tumblr account. I guess I just really feel alone at the moment. Life update everyone, I am now a degree holder - plus plus plus *insert drum roll please* I am now also a license holder. Yes you heard it right, this procastinator passed the board exam for psychometrician. Duuuuude, i don't even know where to begin. So last year after graduating college, i got a job as an HR assistant for a veterinary clinic/cafe. I thought I was already set for life like yes-i'm-finally-an-adult-kind-of-moments, but ofuckingcourse, the universe hates me still and gave me a job that not only is morally depriving, but also mentally exhausting. Imagine working in a company where everyone knows each other because it's literally a castle of nepotism. Everyone is related to one another - yes related, as in they're all relatives. Blood relatives. It's hard to work as an HR when i have to give out sanctions to normal employees and let the bosses and other employees in the back office do whatever they want to do without any consequences. I felt caged, like going to work everyday is like a punishment to me. I even cry in shower because of how I dread going to work everyday. I cry to my boyfriend, to my friends, to my sister, and everyone inside my circle. On top of that miserable chapter of my life, my HR manager was a bitch who makes it her mission everyday to piss me off and let me do ALL the work while she just sits there all day doing nothing and takes all the credits for my hardwork. You know those type of adults that doesn't know how to move on from being a mean girl in highschool. She's like that. She thinks she's cool and all being loud and making fun of everyone. Fuck that shiiit. Long story short i only lasted for 3 months. I know, how pathetic. But I was literally losing my mind there and I felt that if I stayed I might get fired anyways because they don't like me. Why? Because they can't control and manipulate me into doing the things they want me to do. Which most of it are illegal anyways. No thanks, i'm good. See you never, assholes. So after resigning at my job, i decided to enroll in a review center to pursue my journey in getting the psychometrician license. To be honest, i think 80% of my reason on why i decided to pursue it is because I wanted to have an excuse on why I resigned. Like I'm convincing myself and the people around me that it's okay that i'm unemployed, I'm doing something more important anyways. I studied for 8 months and luckily i was able to pass the board exam last August. I was so happy and proud of myself. But it didn't last long because here I am now, after 3 months of passing the board exam, I'm still unemployed. I don't know why but i stopped looking for jobs online. I just stopped functioning. I feel like no job is suited for me. I want to practice my license and profession but there is no opportunity here. I kept looking online and the only jobs there is are all corporate related. Yes, HR again. I don't want to be an HR officer again, i dread it, like it makes me physically and mentally ill just thinking about it. So now I'm stuck and unmotivated and sad and all the other shitty feelings there is in this world. I feel like everyone around me is starting their lives already and I'm still here. Stuck. I wish I could start my life now too.

Anyways, future me, if you're reading this i hope you have a job already. You're not getting any younger, I hope you pull your shit together already. Make us proud. Live this life. Explore, travel, and meet other people. Don't hide in the house and rot in your room. Go to cafes, watch that movie in the cinema. Eat alone if no one wants to come with you. Just live. 23 year old us is currently a loser so I hope you're doing better there. Love you xx

[melonnmiru]

aaaaa

[lolibles]

playing video games with them| anemo boys <3

characters: kazuha, xiao and venti

very fluffy, a little suggestive in kazuha’s part, slight slight angst for xiao, crack

synopsis: what games you play with them, how they act with you!

not proofread please don’t sue me this is also very random :)

kazuha

playing stardew valley and animal crossing with kazuha is my life goal that will never be fulfilled please cry with me. anyway, just imagine cuddling on the sofa under a thick blanket on a cold rainy day with cups of hot chocolate or tea whilst playing stardew valley. the both of you work through the first year slowly as little farmers doing cute little farm things. also if you ever chose to get into a relationship with any of the npcs in the game kazuha will not be happy, he’d definitely not talk to that particular npc because he is now kazuha’s “sworn enemy”. he will also be a pouty baby, so please apologise and give him kisses. and if you REALLY want to make it up to him, ask him to marry you in animal crossing and this man will be on his knees in a split second. he’d prepare EVERYTHING, from the venue, the guests, he’d even attempt to design his own tux for his little character to wear. and you guys would have such an adorable animal crossing wedding. also because kissing in game is not enough, he’d probably kiss you irl when the wedding officiant says you may now kiss the xx. honestly i see kazuha even going out spontaneously to buy you a promise ring with a little maple leaf engraved in it for you. yes it was an animal crossing wedding, but it was a wedding non the less. playing minecraft with kazuha please, its so fucking wholesome- he’s so good at the game and he doesn’t even try. he knows all the tricks and he’s so sexy with redstone you cant convince me otherwise. he’s also an amazing builder pls wtf. AND OH MY GOD, imagine playing the sims4 with kazuha, he’d literally cry inside. you both would sit next to each other in front of the computer screen for hours just designing your characters. and you would have a little cat too. everytime kazuha’s character flirted with yours, he will definitely shoot you one of his romantic haikus. also the first time your characters woohoo’ed, he most likely would have teased you and said “its unfair that only they get to woohoo you know.” anyway i think playing wholesome games with kazuha is 10 bells out of 10 bells.

xiao

now this one is kinda scary. i think its pretty obvious that xiao plays shooter games honestly. or anything that has to do with fighting. it wasn’t unusual to hear him literally SCREAM randomly throughout the day because of a game. if you ever play shooter games with this aggressive boy, please proceed with caution. i honestly feel like he would be so caught up in the heat of the moment he’d actually forget he was playing with you. so if he ends up getting angry, please bare with him- he honestly doesn’t mean to call you bad, or useless, or trash… I SWEAR. xiao will immediately regret his words and he’d feel so bad. especially after he notices how your mood just instantly dies. he’d feel so bad, even after he apologised and you forgave him, he can’t accept the fact that he just called you- the love of his life something so vulgar. and since he’s so awkward and bad with people he’d literally feel like crying on the spot. he wouldn’t know what to do to make it up to you. the next few days, xiao was so cautious around you- even if you didn’t think much about the incident anymore. in the end even xiao was unable to stay away from you for too long, and he’d ask you to watch him play games instead- which you happily agreed to. he loves it when you straddle him while he sits in his chair while gaming though he’d never admit it. but whenever you felt him get tense, all you had to do was give him a kiss and you just knew he’d calm down. you literally work magic on him. also occasionally you’d hear some idiots in his party talking shit about him, you wouldn’t think twice before speaking into the microphone and start standing up for him, and your grip around his waist would definitely tighten a lot more. “if i ever hear you talking shit about MY boyfriend one more time, i will literally come in game and beat the absolute fuck out of you.” yassss girlboss! xiao’s heart would explode and his face would be beat red, he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. also he thinks your so sexy standing up for him like that, please don’t tease him about it. i rate him a “please dont scold me im trying my best” out of “FUCK YOU SUCKKKKKK”

venti

oh my god, horror games. he hates them but he can’t stop. playing phasmophobia with him would be incredibly fun, but he would make you do all the work literally. he’d be too scared to do anything- and if you ever got caught with the ghost you’d be stupid to think he’d try to save you. he would be the first one out the door and running away. he’s also so loud, your honestly more likely to get jump scared by his screaming than the actual game. other than that i think venti likes to play the sims4 too, except he’s so chaotic about it. he wants to do challenges and he also wants to make like 10 babies with you even if your sims can’t afford them- cries when they are taken away. has all the packs and just enjoys fucking around with everything- also makes bets with you, like whether your baby is going to be a boy or girl, and if you lose you owe him a kiss or he asks you to do something for him. when he plays with you, he needs to be touching your body at all times. he says it makes him feel safe, and warm. so you just let him. venti also wants to play karaoke games with you, he loves your voice so much- whether you can sing or not he loves it. but he will tease you if you cant. he loves duetting with you, to him it’s something very intimate and close to home. he wants to hold your hand and give them a squeeze as an encouragement when you sing with him. and yes you guys probably have played just dance a few times, but venti gets incredibly tired after one round- so please bare with his annoying ass. i think venti is a solid 8 red bulls out of “ive already drank 15”

guys i was supposed to include aether but his part disappeared and i- </3 i’ll have to rewrite and upload it in a second part!! heh sorry for being gone for so long, anyway i have my presentations tomorrow, a test on thursday and another presentation on friday ;-; wish me luck! ill be back writing in a few days while i suffer rn sghshshsh

also @truegaypotat my love here is some xiao content <3

[honeypiehotchner]

winter love (all i want for Christmas is you) -- Hotch x Fem!Reader

Hi hi hi!! I have literally been writing this on and off since September, and now I finally get to share it!! A few quick things: this fic has very much Hallmark vibes but does have a good dose of angst too; for the sake of this fic, Aaron was born and raised in Virginia; and Jack was never born (sorry buddy!).

I listened to Michael Bublé’s songs “All I Want for Christmas Is You” and “Cold December Night” a lot while writing this, so feel free to play those while you read! xx.

(The gif is from google because once again, my gif search is broken on here because apparently this post is too long?? Rip me)

Summary: You’ve returned back to your hometown after leaving to get your education, but you didn’t expect to run into your childhood best friend (and first love). 

Word count: 9.4k

HOTCH MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

If you told yourself a few months ago that you’d be moving back to Virginia, you would’ve scoffed and probably laughed -- loudly. Your mom, on the other hand, would’ve been elated, and swore she knew it.

Like she’s doing now.

“I’m just so excited to have you home again,” she gushes, helping you carry boxes of your clothes up to your old childhood room.

The room needs some work, like taking down all these embarrassing posters and changing the sheets to something not so cringe-worthy (thankfully, it’s a full-size bed instead of the old twin you grew up sleeping on). But it’ll be fine for the time being. It’s not like you’re going to find an apartment right before Christmas, or that you even want to. It’s been a while since you’ve spent a full Christmas season with your mom.

You’ve been studying out of state for the past six years, working to get your masters and doctorate degrees — which you’ve completed. But now you need a job and a new start, which is why you decided to come home.

You’ve missed Virginia a lot more than you’ll admit. It’s hard not to miss your hometown when you’re gone from it for so long.

“We need a Christmas tree,” you say, as you come back down the stairs. “Christmas is next week, how do you not have a tree up yet?”

“I wasn’t going to get one without you,” your mom says like the fact should’ve been obvious to you.

You laugh as you plop down next to her on the couch. “I know. We should go tomorrow.”

“Whenever you want to,” she smiles, squeezing your arm. “Have you been to your coffee shop yet?”

“My coffee shop?” You raise an eyebrow. “Since when has it been mine?”

“Since you practically lived there during high school,” your mom counters.

She has a point. “Well, no, I haven’t. I just got here.”

“You should go.”

You raise both eyebrows this time, turning your entire body to face her. “What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you trying to get me to go back there?”

“Why don’t you want to?”

You give her a look. “You know why.”

“I don’t.”

She does. She knows exactly what happened there.

“I’m not repeating it,” you mutter. “And I’ll be finding a new coffee shop, thank you very much.”

“Oh, you can’t let one bad experience stop you from going there!”

“So you do remember!”

“How could I forget? When you were a wreck for months after. I still never forgave him for that, you know.”

You shake your head, settling back against the couch pillows. “It’s been long enough now that I think forgiveness won’t hurt anyone.”

You say that, and yet you don’t want to step foot in that shop ever again.

+++

It was the summer before your junior year. Aaron was a rising senior, so there was the weight of it being his last year already hanging in the air. Especially when he was already looking at a pre-law track for college — meaning he’d be insanely busy after graduation with not much time for you.

Unfortunately, you didn’t realize that his being too busy for you would start before then.

You were a year younger — technically almost two, but the way your birthday fell, you were only one grade younger — but that didn’t stop Aaron from being your friend. At first you thought he had ill intentions (as most older boys in high school did), but he didn’t. He genuinely enjoyed your company, and you genuinely enjoyed his.

More than genuinely. You say now that you don’t believe in love at first sight, but you know that’s because it already happened for you, and you believe it to be a one-time deal.

That one time was when Aaron sat across from you at the lunch table.

You were alone and reading a book. You were a freshman then, and being an extra year younger didn’t exactly help in the whole making friends department. Especially when a lot of your peers were already aware of your age.

But Aaron wasn’t aware, nor did he even care.

He saw that you were alone, and reading, and he decided to sit with you. He wanted to read too, anyway, but he knew he didn’t always like being alone when he read. Something told him you were the same way.

He was correct.

It took almost the entire fall semester before either of you said one word to each other. Sometimes you’d be too engrossed in the book you were reading to even notice he’d sat down in front of you. And when you would finally notice, he would be the one with his nose too deep in the book to notice.

But eventually, you started sharing book recommendations.

Which eventually turned into helping each other with homework. You were always better at math and Spanish than he was (you were already in the sophomore levels of these classes as a freshman), but he was always good with history and English. He must’ve noticed you were in freshman English and history, but he never commented on it — at least not in a way that said he was bullying you.

That winter break was when you started going to the coffee shop together. It was within walking distance of the high school, so the two of you would go at the end of the day until your parents could pick you up. Sometimes your mom would drive him home, or vice versa.

And when Aaron got his license, he’d drive you both there and drop you off at home.

The two of you were inseparable. Almost literally.

Until Aaron met Haley.

Haley was in theatre. She was everything you weren’t. Aaron’s age, pretty, funny, outgoing, and worst of all: popular.

You watched your best friend fall in love.

And that wouldn’t have hurt as bad as it did if it wasn’t Haley he was falling for.

You kept your feelings for Aaron quiet, even to your mom — though you found out later that she always knew. You had almost thought he felt the same, or that he might be beginning to, and then suddenly he was talking about some girl named Haley.

Only she wasn’t just “some girl” to him, or even to you. Everyone knew Haley Brooks.

Slowly, your lunch table conversations were less about what the two of you were going to do the coming weekend, and more about Haley. How he was going to get her to notice him (join theatre, even though he never liked theatre before her). How he was going to ask her on a date (it wouldn’t be a date at first, just dinner after theatre rehearsal, that ended up being with the entire cast, but he sat next to her). How he was going to win her over (he brought flowers to the first performance and surprised her backstage). How he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend (that was the same night as the flowers, completely unplanned, but she said yes).

How he thought he might want to marry her one day.

The last hurt most of all. He confessed it to you one night out of the blue as he was driving you home after school. You knew you could handle him being in love with someone else. Some sick part of you knew — or hoped, rather — that the relationship wouldn’t last. What high school relationship lasts longer than a few months, anyway?

But when Aaron fell for Haley, he fell completely. And hard.

He started cancelling plans with you to spend time with Haley — before they were even dating. When they were dating, he stopped making plans with you altogether.

Then came the summer before his senior year.

It had been months since you saw him last. You had a new lunch period the second half of the year because one of your favorite teachers asked for help during the period, which meant you didn’t have lunch with Aaron — but you don’t even think he noticed.

June came and went. The two of you barely saw one another, barely talked when you did. But when you did, you clung to those moments like they were your only lifeline. In a way, they were.

July finally came and he actually made plans to see you. He said he wanted to get coffee again, catch up, hang out for a few hours, sit in silence, even, whatever you wanted. You were excited.

Some part of you thought that he had broken up with Haley — wishful thinking, but you were sixteen and in love, what else were you supposed to think?

But he hadn’t broken up with her. They were very much in love. You know. You witnessed it.

Apparently, Haley didn’t like the idea of Aaron getting coffee and lunch alone with a female friend. So, she took it upon herself to tag along.

You saw them sharing a kiss through the window, Aaron’s back facing you. When they pulled away, Haley’s eyes caught yours, but she said nothing to Aaron, just pulled him back in for another kiss.

You didn’t go into the shop that day. And you haven’t since.

The last time you saw Aaron was the day before he moved to college. He was stopping by to say goodbye to you.

You were reading a book in your room, and your eyes caught the movement on the driveway. You told your mom to say you weren’t home.

You watched him leave from your bedroom window, hands stuffed in his pockets.

+++

You heard that Aaron and Haley got married. Not because you wanted to hear, but because your mom told you. She probably meant well, but you drank an entire bottle of wine that night. You weren’t even 21 yet at the time.

Of course, it’s been years since then. You’re all fine now, and you’ve got the student loan debt to prove it.

But even with three degrees, job hunting can be a bitch. Especially this time of year.

You need coffee.

You blame the fact that this coffee shop is the best one around. And the fact that it’s Christmas season, meaning they have your favorite drink again.  

Dark chocolate peppermint mocha. It’s a godsend. And you haven’t had one in years.

Well, you have. But they haven’t been from here. They haven’t had this shop’s specially made peppermint whipped cream, or the peppermint stick that can be used to stir.

You hate how much you have to psych yourself up before you walk inside. You don’t even know where Aaron is these days or what he’s doing. He could be halfway across the country for all you know.

So, with that fact in mind, you walk inside. You embrace the familiar sight and smells, remembering what it felt like the last time you were here.

You move toward the counter, falling in the short line to the register. And your stomach flips when you see a familiar face standing in front of you.

Well, his back is facing you, so you don’t see his face, but you know it’s him. There’s this thing about first loves. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the last time you’ve seen them. You’ll always recognize everything about them. The back of their head, their shoulders, their hands, the way they walk.

Their voice. Even if it’s deeper than the last time you heard it.

Maybe he won’t recognize me.

But what you don’t know is that no amount of time could pass to make you unrecognizable to Aaron.

Or that he saw your reflection in the glass case next to him when you got in line, and he’s been internally trying to figure out what the hell to say to you since.

If it hadn’t been for his voice, you wouldn’t have recognized Aaron at all. A black coffee? That’s it?

The barista pours it and slides it over to him before he’s even done paying. He’s at a coffee shop -- this coffee shop, and he orders a black coffee?

Who is he?

You step up to the register as he steps away, and you swear you see him looking at you through the corner of your eyes. But you must be seeing things because why would he do that?

You focus on ordering -- a medium peppermint mocha, complete with the whipped cream and peppermint stick. After paying, you step to the side to wait for your coffee.

You nearly knock right into Aaron, but you stop yourself, well aware of his presence.

Another thing about first loves: you’re always painfully aware of their presence.

“Hi,” he says, awkward and fumbling even though it’s only one word. He’s wearing a stuffy suit and tie, which seems odd, but you’re positive that’s just normal lawyer attire. He probably lives in a suit these days. His hair is shorter than it used to be and he looks older, but so do you. Despite all of this, he’s still Aaron. He’s still the same Aaron Hotchner you fell in love with at sixteen.

“Hi,” you return the awkward smile, tugging on the strap of your purse. After a beat, you nod toward his drink. “Black coffee, huh?” You try to tease. “Who hurt you?”

He laughs loudly then, shoulders and head shaking. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Hotchner,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around yourself.

The conversation dies for a moment, so you busy yourself by looking at the different cakes and pastries in the glass case. You probably should’ve gotten one, but maybe another time.

Another time. Fifteen minutes ago you wouldn’t be caught dead in this shop and now you’re already thinking about another time.

“Are you busy?” Aaron suddenly asks, prompting you to look at him with furrowed brows. “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” you smile gently, knowing you might regret this later. But it’s been over a decade since you’ve seen him last. One coffee won’t hurt.

And I’m over him, you remind yourself, no matter how untrue it might be.

Once you have your peppermint mocha -- finally, you think, it’s been too long -- you walk with Aaron to find a table. A lot has changed about this shop, but one thing that hasn’t (because there isn’t much that can be changed) is the seating.

Aaron leads you to your old table. The table the two of you practically lived at.

It makes your heart warm and ache all at once. The drink you decided to order isn’t helping matters either.

“So…” You pause, shifting in your seat. “What are you up to these days?”

“You stole my question,” he jokes.

“Tough,” you smile into your drink. “I asked it first.”

He chuckles, but answers anyway. “I’m working for the BAU now.”

“The B-A-What?”

“The-- FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

Your eyes widen. “Did you… Did you really just say you’re working for the FBI?”

“I think so,” he says. “I’m the unit chief.”

“You’re the-- Okay. So, you don’t work for the...the BAU, they work for you.”

“We’re a team,” he offers.

“Said every boss ever,” you quip, taking a long drink of your mocha. You take the peppermint stick in between your fingers and stir, eyebrows furrowing down at the swirl of coffee and whipped cream. “So...what do you do exactly?”

He opens his mouth to answer, then stops, hesitating. “Do you really want to know?”

You give him a look. “Of course I do.”

“It’s not great.”

“Aaron, just tell me, or I’ll start reciting my dissertation word for word.” Your statement stuns him to silence, so badly that you almost laugh. “That’s boring. Working for the FBI can’t possibly be boring.”

“Oh, it’s never boring, that’s for sure,” he mutters. “We profile serial killers.”

“You what?”

He laughs. “We look at their behaviors and crimes and build a profile, what they might look like, their age, that stuff.”

“Intriguing.”

“I can’t believe you’re interested.”

“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t be,” you counter. “You know I thrive off this stuff.”

“I remember,” he says quietly.

And just like that, you remember, too.

It’s so easy to forget about all the hurt he caused, all the pain he left behind. Especially because you know he never intended to hurt you. He would never do that, not to you, not on purpose. You never told him how you felt. It’s not his fault he couldn’t read your mind.

“Well, you’ve got a doctorate,” he says, shifting the conversation. “What else are you up to?”

“How did you know it’s a doctorate?” You raise an eyebrow. “Are you profiling me? Did I use that correctly?”

“Yes,” he smiles. “And no, not intentionally. You said you’d recite your dissertation. Those are normally written to get doctorate degrees. You always wanted one, I assumed you met your goal.”

“You assume correct,” you nod. “I’m back to start job and apartment hunting, but after the new year. I wanted to spend some time with my mom.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s good, she--” You pause, shaking your head with a laugh. “She actually brought you up yesterday.”

“Me?” Aaron looks genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, you,” you knock your foot against his leg without thinking, but you pay no mind, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to it. “She’s actually the one who put the bug in my ear to come here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been back here since…”

It takes him a moment, but he nods slowly. “Right.”

“Yeah,” you draw your legs closer to you on instinct. “But that was a long time ago. How are you and Haley?”

You don’t expect the way his face falls. You glance down at his left hand. No ring.

“We got a divorce a few years ago, split up about a good year before that,” Aaron explains. “She’s good, last I heard. Remarried already.”

“Wow,” you murmur, not knowing what else to say. “What-- I mean, what happened?” When he hesitates, you backpedal. “Sorry, I shouldn’t even ask, it’s probably a sensitive question.”

“It’s okay,” Aaron chuckles. “I don’t mind talking about it with you.”

That sends a dangerous flutter through your stomach. “Okay. Well I’m all ears.”

“Oh, it’s not a long story, it was just my job,” he shrugs. “I took the unit chief position and she was happy at first. But then, there was a period of time where we had what felt like case after case after case.” He shakes his head. “I was barely home, but I was barely in one state for long, anyway. It was a stressful time. We were everywhere at once.”

“That does sound stressful,” you frown. “Has it slowed down now?”

“Kind of, it has its moments,” he admits. “But being gone so much, it took a toll on her. She wanted to start a family, but said she couldn’t do that if I was never there.”

“But I mean she had to have known how your schedule would be with the new job, right?”

“Yeah,” he says, then shrugs. “It’s been so long now that I stopped trying to understand her thought process.”

“I get that,” you say sincerely. You understand not wanting to waste energy on something like that anymore. Sometimes you just have to give it up and have peace with the fact that you’ll never understand.

“What about you?” He asks suddenly, catching you off guard. “Seeing anyone?” He adds it quietly, like he’s shy.

Aaron Hotchner. Shy. Around you.

“Oh,” you nearly laugh at the prospect. “No. No, I’m not. Do you really think I would be if I was moving back in with my mom?”

He laughs, bringing his coffee to his lips. “You have a point there.”

A comforting silence settles over the two of you after that.

You shouldn’t feel slightly giddy that his and Haley’s relationship didn’t work out in the end. You’re over him by now, anyway. But something about being right has you fighting a smile. You smother the urge, though, knowing he probably doesn’t want to hear anyone, let alone you, say, “I told you so.”

You do feel bad for him, genuinely. Divorce is never easy for anyone, and you hate he went through that. Especially like that. Haley knew his work schedule would change. Why would she act supportive if she knew this in advance? Just sits uneasy with you, that’s all.

Of course, you feel that overprotective-best-friend nature coming back to you.

“What plans do you have now that you’re back?” He asks, keeping the conversation up, but you can tell he’s earnest — which makes you smile.

“Nothing, really. My mom and I are getting a Christmas tree later, but that’s all I have on my schedule.” You pause, giving him another look. “We both know you were my only friend in high school. Who do you think I’m going to see while I’m here?”

“Hopefully a lot of me,” he replies easily, smiling around his coffee.

And for once, you don’t hesitate to reply. “I hope so, too, actually. I didn’t think you were still around here. And I really didn’t expect you to be working for the FBI.”

“This might be presumptuous of me, but what are you doing this weekend?” He asks, quickly adding on, “A good friend of mine is hosting a Christmas party for the team, and I’ve basically been threatened to bring a plus one.”

“Threatened, huh?” You raise an eyebrow.

He nods seriously. “They won’t let me inside without one.”

You gasp comically, keeping up the act. “Well you can’t miss the party!”

“I know,” he sighs, propping his head in his hand.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to come with,” you say, still deadly serious.

But Aaron’s lips split into a grin the same time yours does. “It’s this Saturday.”

“Lucky for you, I’m free.”

He doesn’t stop grinning. “I can pick you up, if you want.”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” you say. “I should probably give you my number, shouldn’t I?”

“I was going to ask,” he admits.

You roll your eyes playfully. “I figured.”

After exchanging numbers, the two of you return to your idle conversations. Only, they’re less idle than they ever have been before.

He vents about still not understanding how people can be capable of the things he sees. How he knows that everyone is capable of unspeakable things, but it’s how they do it that still makes him stumble sometimes. And you try to sympathize, though you know you can’t. But still you tell him not to try to understand.

“You’re a good man,” you say. “You’re not going to understand it because you’re not like them.”

“Thank you,” he whispers. “I know that, consciously. Sometimes it’s good to hear it from someone else.”

Then he tells you it’s your turn, and again, you don’t feel the need to hesitate.

You tell him how you weren’t planning on moving back here at all. But the job market where you were didn’t...fit you, for some reason. You never felt like you belonged, and so maybe that’s why you wanted to come back here.

Because even though you left this place heartbroken, you still felt like you belonged when you were here. You felt like you belonged when you were with him, but you don’t tell him that.

Something tells you he heard it anyway, though. Being a profiler and all. Which you still don’t quite understand, but you’re sure he’ll have plenty of time to tell you in the coming future.

+++

After an hour or two, you decide it’s time for you to head back home. Partly because you need to make some lunch for yourself, and partly because you’ve watched Aaron dismiss at least three phone calls in the last twenty minutes.

But he didn’t say a word each time, so you know he won’t tell you who it is or if he needs to go. It makes your heart warm at the thought that he wants to spend more time with you, but if it’s his job, then he needs to go.

He walks you to your car and you hug him around his neck, unashamedly taking a deep breath of his cologne when you stretch up to wrap your arms around him. He didn’t wear cologne back in high school. But this one smells good.

You mentally prepare yourself on the way home for the amount of questions your mom is no doubt going to ask.

You’re supposed to be going to pick out a tree with her today, which means you were supposed to be home a little earlier than this, which means your mom probably already knows what happened and you won’t even get a chance to explain yourself.

In the end, your prediction was correct.

“How was your peppermint mocha?” You glance over to the couch and find your mom sitting there, idly reading a book.

The question is as directly indirect as they come. You raise an eyebrow and kick the front door closed (yes, she asked before you even stepped foot inside the house). “It was good,” you reply, shrugging your jacket off your shoulders. “Why?”

“Oh, you enjoyed it for almost two hours, so I was just wondering.” Your mom fights back a grin, but she’s not doing a very good job.

You sigh. “Just go ahead and ask.”

She closes her book. “Alright, fine, I will. How is Aaron?”

There it is.

“He’s good,” you answer rather pointedly, making your way into the living room. “He’s working for the FBI now.”

“Oh, I knew that already.”

You plop down next to her on the couch. “Seriously?”

“Of course!” She cries, like it should be obvious. “Small talk happens when you see someone in the store.”

“Right,” you scoff. “Anyway, thanks for not telling me him and Haley divorced.”

She grimaces.

“Yeah, exactly,” you nod at her expression. “That’s how I felt. I bet it was just awesome of me to ask about how him and his ex-wife are doing.”

“I’m sorry,” your mom says. “It completely slipped my mind. It’s been so long since those two split.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?”

“Because I didn’t want to bring him up,” she answers sincerely. “You seemed like you had really moved on. I figured it didn’t matter, and I didn’t want to make you start thinking about him again when you had finally gotten over it all.”

“Oh,” you murmur. “Well, thank you, then, but...still. I feel like an idiot.”

“Did he seem angry when you asked?”

“No, the opposite,” you sigh. “He explained what happened and I let him talk about it for a second, but he seems mostly moved on from it.”

“I don’t know how he can be,” your mom scoffs. “She’s already remarried, you know.”

“Yeah, he told me.”

Your mom shakes her head. “I should’ve shook some sense into that boy when he came to say goodbye that day.” Then she pauses, poking your leg. “And I should’ve made you say goodbye to him. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

“I didn’t wanna talk to him,” you shrug. “We barely had all year, anyway. And one goodbye would not have stopped him from going to college and marrying Haley, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighs. “It’s fun to think about, though.”

“Well stop thinking about it,” you mutter. “We are friends and he’s probably seeing someone by now. I don’t even know how long I’ll be here, so.”

Your mom raises her eyebrows. “I never said anything about what you guys are now.”

Damn. Caught. “I know, but I’m just...catching you before you do.”

“Mmm, more like catching yourself.”

“Shut up.”

She lightly hits you with a pillow. “Don’t say that to your mother,” she jokes. “Especially not when I’m right and you know it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Are you ready to pick out a tree?”

“Of course,” she replies. “Just let me find my shoes.”

While she’s getting ready -- because “finding her shoes” really means fixing her hair and makeup and changing outfits a couple times -- you get a text from Aaron.

Aaron: It was nice catching up with you today

You smile and type your reply. Ditto. We should do it again sometime.

He doesn’t reply, but you figure he’s busy at work, anyway. And you’ve got a tree to pick out and decorate, so you’re technically busy, too.

You try not to think too much about it.

+++

And truthfully, you don’t think much about it, until Aaron finally replies. It’s hours later when you’re decorating the freshly-cut Christmas tree in the living room, with Michael Bublé’s Christmas album playing through the stereo speakers. It’s just like when you were younger.

You check your phone and see that it’s Aaron texting you back, but you pocket it before reading the message. You’re busy.

Your mom notices the change on your face. “Everything alright?” She asks as she places a snowflake ornament on one of the smaller branches.

You nod without thinking, hating yourself for even feeling what you’re feeling right now. A glittery red ornament hangs from your index finger as you try to find the right branch to hang it on -- and while your mind wanders all over the place.

“Clearly not,” your mom replies. “But alright.” She turns and reaches into a different box, picking up one of the golden jingle bells that she always hides deep within the tree each year. When you were younger, she’d hide them without you seeing, and then on Christmas Eve you’d have to search the tree for them before you could open one present before going to sleep.

You snort a laugh, always loving her way of getting you to open up: sarcasm. “It’s just Aaron.”

“Aaron?”

“Texting me,” you explain, looking down at the glitter coating your fingertips from the ornaments.

“Aren’t you going to reply?” She asks, grabbing another jingle bell.

“Technically he’s the one replying from earlier today.”

“Okay…”

You sigh. Time to cave. “He invited me to a Christmas party this weekend.”

Your mom doesn’t even try to hide her excitement or her wide grin. “Really? That’s great!”

Is it? You want to ask, but you stop yourself. “Yeah,” you shrug. “I guess so. It’ll be nice to hang out with him more.” You pause, finally hanging the small glittery red ornament on the tree that you’ve been idly holding for the past two minutes. “Apparently a friend of his is hosting it and basically told him he wouldn’t be allowed inside without a plus one.” You chuckle quietly, knowing Aaron had to have rolled his eyes when his friend told him that.

“So it’s...a date, then?”

“What? No,” you shake your head. “No, no. Not a date. He didn’t phrase it that way.”

“Sweetheart, plus one implies date.”

“Who says?”

“Everyone!” Your mom laughs. “Bringing a plus one to a wedding is usually a casual date, if not bringing your significant other along.”

“This isn’t a wedding, it’s just a Christmas get together.”

“Same difference.”

“Well, I think you’re doing that thing again where you try to plant seeds in my brain for things that are unnecessary,” you raise an eyebrow at her when she avoids eye contact, so you know you’ve caught her red-handed. “All that aside,” you sigh. “I’m over him. It’s been so long. If something was going to happen, it would have already.”

“Whatever you say,” she shrugs indifferently, grabbing the final jingle bell to hide in the top of the tree. For a brief moment, you wish you hadn’t been watching where she hid them, so you could do the search on Christmas Eve one more time.

+++

You bump into Aaron one more time, two days later, at the same coffee shop.

“Back for more?” He teases as he slides into the seat across from you, another black coffee in his right hand.

You’re sitting at the table the two of you call home with yet another peppermint mocha sitting in front of you and your laptop. More job hunting is the task for today, even though you’re ready to give up and just pick it back up after the New Year. It’s not like your mom is making you pay rent, and you have enough in savings to help with groceries (without her knowledge, of course, because she refuses to let you pay for anything) and buy your own coffees. But, you decided to give it one last go today.

That is, until Aaron slid into the seat in front of you. Now, you close your laptop and place it back in your bag. “Just needed some fuel for more job hunting,” you grin. “What are you doing here?”

“I took off for lunch for once and thought I might find you here.”

“Oh?” You raise your eyebrows. “Were you seeking me out, Hotchner?”

“Maybe a little,” he admits with a shy smile. “Are you still good for tomorrow?”

“As long as you are,” you nod. “What time?”

“I’ll pick you up at five, if that’s good?”

“Perfect,” you smile. “Are you ready to introduce me to your friends?”

“Depends,” he exhales exasperatedly. “Are you ready to meet them?”

“They can’t be that bad.”

“They might be. If you aren’t used to them.” He pauses. “They don’t know you’re coming, by the way.”

“What?” You almost laugh. “Why not?”

“I told them I was bringing someone, but I didn’t feel like hearing it all week about who I was bringing.” He pauses again, like he’s holding something back, and then he lets it out. “They know all about you.”

You blink. “They do?”

“Yeah,” he smiles gently. “I talk about you all the time.”

“No,” you shake your head. “No you don’t. There’s no way.”

“You’ll believe it tomorrow,” he chuckles. “I’m sure they’ll try to embarrass me.”

“I-I mean...what do you even say about me?”

He shrugs. “That you were my best friend in high school and...that I missed you and wondered what you were up to these days, and how we used to hang out here.” He looks around the shop, then back to you and your bewildered expression. “What?” He laughs. “You didn’t talk to your friends about me?”

“No, I did,” you laugh quietly. But I said different things. And most of the time I was crying because I missed you, especially my first year of college when my roommate tried to get me to go on a double date with her boyfriend and his roommate, but I refused and had to confess that I wasn’t over you and that you broke my heart, and I was such a mess that she brought ice cream and chocolate back after their date.

But you don’t say any of that. Obviously.

“I just didn’t expect you to even...think about me, I guess,” you finally spit out, still shaking your head. “I mean...we haven’t talked since high school, I figured you’d forgotten or moved on, at least. Especially since you had Haley.”

Aaron’s expression softens and turns sad, quickly. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I didn’t know you thought any of that.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” you wave his worry away. “It’s years ago. Water under the bridge.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. Then, he says, “Haley was jealous of you, you know.”

You immediately look up from your mocha, your eyes wide in shock. “She was what?”

“Oh yeah,” Aaron laughs. “Devastatingly jealous of you. She swore we were dating or that I was in love with you or something.”

Or something. “Wow,” you chuckle, trying to mask your hurt as much as possible. “Why did she even think that?”

You know why. You know exactly why. Because before her, you and Aaron were attached at the hip. You sat together during lunch, walked each other home, hung out at the coffee shop, went to school functions together (well, you’d actually go with a big group, but you two always ended up together anyway), and so on and so forth. Anyone would’ve been an idiot to not assume you two were dating.

“We were so close,” he shrugs. “She said she was so surprised when I asked her to be my girlfriend because she swore I was dating you. She actually asked me that, when I gave her the flowers. She said, “What about Y/N?” And I said, “Y/N? She’s just my best friend.” And she didn’t believe me.”

“That’s so crazy,” you say, but you’re really thinking back to that day you and Aaron had decided to meet up here and hang out after so long. When Haley crashed the hangout. When she locked eyes with you and smirked before pulling him back in for another kiss.

She was jealous. She was jealous and she knew exactly what she was doing that day.

Aaron’s phone starts ringing and he sighs heavily, pulling it out. He almost declines it, but then stops himself. “It’s the boss,” he says. “My boss. I’ve gotta take this. I’ll text you later?”

“Sure,” you smile, knowing he might forget or get too busy to think about it. But that’s okay. “Good luck with the phone call.”

“Thanks,” he chuckles. “I’ll need it.” And then he brings his phone up to his ear. “Agent Hotchner,” he says, and you hate that you find it so hot.

+++

You almost cancel with Aaron a dozen times before 2p.m.

You blame the conversation the two of you had yesterday. For some reason, the thought of Haley being jealous of you had never crossed your mind. Because to you, it was so obviously the other way around. Of course, you weren’t vocal about your jealousy, but you were certain she knew. Not that it was the other way around.

Old feelings have already resurfaced, which is bad enough, but the talk about Haley and about how Aaron’s friends know all about you made things worse. Especially the latter.

Why would he talk about you so much if the two of you hadn’t spoken in years? Not even years, but like an entire decade. Why would he still talk about you and think about you that much?

You have dwelled over those questions since he left the coffee shop yesterday.

But now, you have no idea what to wear, and Aaron will be here any minute. You’re assuming the attire is casual, not fancy, since it’s just a get together with his friends -- who all happen to be his team of agents. FBI agents. Because he’s just casually the Unit Chief of the BAU.

It still baffles you. He wanted to be a lawyer. Not in the FBI. God.

He’s still your Aaron. That’s what shocks you the most. He’s experienced law school, marriage, practicing law, working for the FBI, becoming a Unit Chief, divorce, and yet he’s still the Aaron Hotchner you were best friends with in high school.

You wonder if you’re still the girl he was best friends with in high school. Or if you’ve changed so drastically that he doesn’t see you that way anymore.

You take a deep breath, going back to digging through the many boxes of clothes that you have yet to unpack. You need a sweater or something. That’s safe enough, right? It’s too cold for a dress, and frankly, you’re not in the mood for wearing one, anyway.

Finally, you find the sweater you were looking for. You tug it over your head, figuring your jeans are fine enough. You’ll wear some low heels to make it look like you put in a little more effort.

Your quick thinking is to your benefit because the doorbell rings almost as soon as you’re done doing the clasp on your second heel.

But because your mom is quicker than you, she’s already opened the door and let Aaron in before you can make it downstairs. And by the time you are coming down the stairs, Aaron is sitting on the couch with your mom, making idle conversation.

“Hey,” you smile at him, resisting the urge to glare at your mom. “Ready?”

“If you are,” he nods, standing to his feet.

When he turns, you shoot your mom a look. “We’ll be back later.”

“You’re not in high school,” your mom laughs. “You two have fun for as long as you like.”

“I know,” you say. “But I also know you’ll wait up until I get back.”

“And you can’t stop me,” she replies pointedly.

Aaron laughs at the two of you, your banter just as he remembers from all those years ago. Neither of you have changed one bit.

After a final moment of bickering, you bid your mom goodbye and leave with Aaron.

In the car, you ask, “Have you told them about me coming yet?”

From the driver’s seat, he shakes his head. “No, so prepare yourself for a lot of questions.”

“I think you’re the one that’ll be in hot water, but alright,” you chuckle. “I can hear them now. ‘Why didn’t you tell us you were bringing her!’”

He laughs loudly. “That’s not a bad impression, actually.”

“Why, thank you,” you smirk. “It’s a hidden talent of mine.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhm.”

The two of you share a grin as he keeps driving.

+++

After some time -- long enough that you were beginning to wonder where he’s taking you -- Aaron finally turns into a subdivision. But it’s still not what you were expecting.

You assumed FBI agents must make good money, but not this good. This is a mansion. It’s massive. There has to be at least six bedrooms in there, maybe more.

“Is your friend a millionaire or something?”

Aaron chuckles, “Maybe. Probably. Maybe more.”

“More?” Your eyes widen. “Wow.” And then Aaron pulls into the driveway. “Wow.”

He puts the car in park and says, “Try not to look too surprised. Dave won’t shut up about the house if you get him started.”

“What if I want to hear everything?” You ask, scrambling out of the car to look up at the house. “Jesus Christ.” Then you whip your head around to look at Aaron exasperatedly. “Does your house look like this?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “No. This is too big. Dave’s crazy for buying it.”

“He’s definitely insane,” you nod. “I mean, what do you even need a house this big for?”

Aaron shrugs. “Christmas parties, I guess.” He pauses, holding out his arm for you. “Ready to face the lions?”

You roll your eyes through a laugh, loosely holding onto his arm. “Quit being so dramatic. I bet it’ll be just fine.”

“Let’s hope so,” Aaron replies. Because truthfully, he is a little worried that they might scare you off. They have a habit of doing that.

The two of you walk up to the front door, and you try your best to act like you’ve been in the general vicinity of a house this big before. Dave must be a really good friend of Aaron’s, because instead of knocking or ringing the doorbell, Aaron twists the doorknob and walks right in with you on his arm.

“Dave’s making pasta,” Aaron whispers, smelling the air. He shuts the door gently, wanting to surprise the team as much as possible.

You sniff the air, too, smiling happily. “Smells really good. Is that carbonara?”

“Good nose,” a voice says from the kitchen.

“That’s Dave,” Aaron chuckles, walking you down the hall toward the smell.

The team’s eyes all widen dramatically and comically when Aaron Hotchner steps inside the kitchen with a woman on his arm.

“Well, hello,” one of them says, sliding off the stool at the counter to saunter over to you. He’s all suave and swagger.

“Derek Morgan, this is Y/N,” Aaron introduces you quickly, knowing the reaction your name will get.

“Hold up,” Derek pauses, glancing between you and Aaron. “Y/N? As in the Y/N?”

“I don’t know about being the Y/N, but that is my name,” you laugh. “Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Derek says, a hand over his heart to add to the sincerity. “Where have you been hiding all this time?”

“Getting a doctorate,” you shrug, only now realizing that your hand is still holding onto Aaron’s arm, but he doesn’t seem fazed by it either, so you don’t move.

“Oh, alright,” Derek chuckles. “Hey Reid, we’ve got another doctor here.”

The man in question, Reid, looks up from the book he was reading with furrowed eyebrows. “Hi.” He waves.

“Hey,” you wave back. “What’re you reading?”

“War and Peace. In Russian, though.”

“In-- Wow, okay.”

“He’s a genius,” Morgan explains.

“I see that,” you chuckle.

Aaron finishes the introductions for you. “That’s JJ, handles the press for us because none of us want to do it.”

“He’s not wrong,” JJ replies with a laugh. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You too,” you smile.

“You met Reid, his first name’s Spencer,” Aaron supplies, and Reid is too far gone in the book again to notice. “This is Emily Prentiss.”

“And I have been dying to meet you,” Emily says. “You are exactly how he described.”

“In a good way, I hope?” You laugh nervously.

She nods. “Definitely.”

Aaron points to the other woman at the counter. She’s dressed in all sorts of crazy colors with glasses that match her outfit. And before he can introduce her, she says, “I’m Penelope Garcia, technology extraordinaire. I keep them out of trouble.”

“And we love you for it,” Derek adds.

“And this is Dave,” Aaron finishes.

“It is very nice to finally meet you,” Dave says, and actually shakes your hand. “Do you know how to make carbonara?”

“Yes, actually,” you say, earning a surprised look from Aaron. “I went through a phase when I was younger, wanting to make anything and everything that sounded good, so I’ve made this a few times. My mom loves it.”

Dave loves the sound of that. “Would you like to help me?”

You practically light up inside and out. “Seriously? I’d love to!”

“Oh, here we go,” Derek groans. “He’s roped her in.”

You ignore him, slipping away from Aaron to grab the other apron off the hook by the entrance to the kitchen. You slide your head through the loop and tie it at the back in a matter of seconds, too excited to contain it.

“I almost went to culinary school, you know,” you say to no one in particular, but Aaron is listening, and so is Dave.

“Why didn’t you?” Aaron asks.

You shrug. “Didn’t seem practical.” Which isn’t the real answer at all. The real answer is you got your heart broken and needed to do a complete 180 in life, so you did. Culinary school was out. Getting a doctorate was in. You turn on the water in the sink and begin washing your hands. “What do you need me to do?”

For the next hour, you help Dave make the carbonara, occasionally answering any questions Aaron’s friends have for you.

Aaron pours you a glass of wine and sits at the counter, watching you cook. You look more at peace than he’s seen you since a few days ago when he first bumped into you again.

You catch him looking at you more than a handful of times. It feels good. Spending the evening with his friends, his team, with him. You’ve missed spending time with him more than anything else.

Dave serves up the carbonara, telling you to sit down since you helped so much already. You don’t make him ask twice.

+++

After dinner, everyone moves into the living room, scattering on the various couches and chairs. Reid has finished reading War and Peace, so the book sits discarded on one of the coffee tables.

You take the spot on the couch next to Aaron, careful not to spill your wine. Penelope sits on the other side of you, with Derek on her other side, which all but forces you to move closer to Aaron, and something about the look on Penelope’s face tells you it was done on purpose.

You’re not exactly complaining, though. With a full stomach and a fresh glass of wine, Aaron’s presence is even warmer than before. You pay no mind when he shifts his left arm, stretching it over the back of the couch and allowing you to scoot closer, your legs pressed against each other’s.

The conversation continues, and somehow the subject of relationships is brought up.

“Yeah, why was I the only one asked to bring someone?” Aaron asks. “I’d like to see all of you find a last minute date.”

Another warm rush goes through your body at the word date. This is a date. Alright then.

“I think you did just fine,” Dave says, nodding to you. “Don’t you?”

You shrug, not sure of what to make of it. “I’m having fun, so I guess so.”

“See?” Dave gives Aaron a look. “You did fine.”

Aaron gives his friend a tired glare. “Only because she happened to be back from getting her degrees. Otherwise, I would’ve been stuck.”

“Nah, man, you could’ve called Beth.”

You feel Aaron tense next to you, but you aren’t sure if he tensed up or if you did. Maybe both. Probably both. You weren’t aware there was someone else.

“Who’s Beth?” You ask as casually as possible, ignoring the heated glares Penelope, JJ, and Emily alike are sending Derek. Seriously, Derek would be dead three times over right now if looks could be deadly.

Aaron shrugs before answering you. “Her and I dated briefly last year.”

You nod slowly, trying not to seem hurt or upset or anything by this because it’s ridiculous of you to be fighting back tears, but you can’t help it.

It’s high school, goddamnit, it’s fucking high school all over again.

The topic of conversation shifts thanks to Reid being the endless supplier of random facts. One question about Russian from Emily and he’s taking over, washing the awkwardness away in two languages.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as well for you as it does for everyone else.

You set your wine glass down on the table and tell Penelope you’re going to use the bathroom. You have no clue where it is, but she doesn’t know that.

Aaron does. And Aaron hears the tone of voice you use.

He waits until you’re down the hall before he stands to follow you, foregoing any explanation to his friends. They already know what he’s doing.

Aaron’s suspicions are correct when he hears the front door close and sees your coat no longer hanging next to his on the hook by the door. He grabs his and only gets one arm through a sleeve before he’s opening the door, eyes searching the premises for you.

Thankfully, he finds you after two seconds, and his racing heart slows a little. You’re standing by the reindeer lights on Dave’s front lawn. Your coat is only hanging on your shoulders, something you’ve always done since high school when you were upset.

“It feels more like a blanket,” you had told him one day. “Blankets are more comforting than jackets.”

He doesn’t see the difference, but you do, and that was enough for him.

He has both arms through the sleeves by the time he’s next to you. He gently touches your arm to get your attention, adding a soft, “Hey,” for good measure.

You turn your head at the sound, having already known he was coming because you heard the front door open. In the back of your mind, you had wanted him to follow you out here, but now that he’s done it, you aren’t so sure this is what you wanted.

You wanted to ignore the feeling. Get it to disappear on its own. Survive the night, then never talk to him again. You were heartbroken, but it was better when you weren’t speaking to him. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron says softly. “Beth and I haven’t spoken since our last date a year ago. It was only three dates. We weren’t serious at all.” He pauses. “I have no idea why Derek said that. He doesn’t think before he speaks sometimes.”

You nod, not having it in you to laugh at Aaron’s small jab, even though he is entirely correct. Derek is a quick thinker with a sharp wit, but you can see how it might backfire sometimes. Like tonight.

You believe Aaron, you really do. But it’s so hard. “Did you love her?”

Aaron is stunned for a moment, but says, “No. I don’t think I did.”

“Okay.” You shake your head, looking down at the grass. “I’m just trying to figure out why Derek would’ve brought her up if...if you guys dated so briefly.”

Aaron sighs. “I don’t know.”

“And is this a date?” You blurt, finally finding the courage to get that one out. “Because if it is, I…I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?”

You shake your head again, trying to find the right words, but they always seem out of reach. “Just...tell me this won’t be like high school.”

This time Aaron is too stunned to form a real answer. “What?”

“Please,” you sound like you’re about to cry and you feel so pathetic that you wish you had never agreed to come tonight. But you’re here anyway. “I was in love with you then, and I’m still in love with you now, but I can’t do that again. So if this is a just friends thing and always will be, I need you to tell me before I hurt myself all over again.”

Aaron can’t believe his ears. He swears he heard you wrong. He must have. “You were in love with me in high school, too?”

“Yes-- Wait, too? What do you mean too?” Now you’re looking at him, eyes wide in confusion, shock, every emotion possible. “Too?”

“I was in love with you, Y/N,” he chuckles, reaching for your hands. “I thought you just saw me as an older brother. That’s why I never...said anything.”

“What?” You breathe, letting him thread his fingers through yours. “Are you serious? You better not be pulling my leg, Hotchner. Don’t do that to me.” You tug on his hands for emphasis, giving him a stern look.

“I’m not joking,” he says, taking a step closer. “I wouldn’t joke about this.”

“Oh my god,” you say, disbelief a powerful thief of words. “I can’t believe… So you went after Haley because…”

“Because I heard from one of her friends that she had a crush on me,” he admits. “I did love her, but not as much as I loved you. Never as much as I loved you.”

You don’t know what else to do or say. He looks so beautiful in this light that it hurts, and now he’s saying words you never thought you’d ever hear.

“Do you forgive me?” He asks. “For breaking your heart?”

“Only if you forgive me for breaking yours,” you whisper.

He shakes his head. “I broke my own. I should’ve told you how I felt.” He pauses. “I even talked to you about Haley all the time. Is that why you didn’t say goodbye to me?”

You nod. “It sounds so stupid now, but I was so hurt.”

“I’m an idiot,” he laughs. “I’m the dumbest fool to ever walk the Earth.”

“We both are,” you correct him, taking a step closer. It’s cold out here, but he’s warm. He’s always been so warm. Like home.

And you-- you’ve always been who Aaron thinks of when he thinks about being happy. It’s always been you. A moment like this, and a thousand others. He wants them all. And to think, you do too.

His lips meet yours in a long-awaited kiss, cold noses bumping against one another, his warm hands holding your face, your chilled fingers finding their home on his neck, stealing his warmth.

From the window, the team watches, and Emily exchanges money with Derek.

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n ranboo, tommy tubbo and jack - just come home

this is an extra part to the great adventures series

summary: part three to the happier imagine (the great adventures of y/n and ranboo) this is where the group reunites

content warning: angst to fluff, small mention of creepy fan,swearing

please read what’s written in bold

this is an “alternative ending” around 16-18 years into the future this doesn’t mean this is actually how the series is going to end im writing it now and including it as part of series as their friendship is already established i can confirm y/n and the group are going to have a happy ending when the series eventually comes to an end this also does not mean the series is anywhere near the end i plan on continuing the series as vlogs come out, i feel the need to confirm this now love between y/n and the others (especially ranboo) in this imagine is completely platonic

so turns out moving house didn’t stop the creepy fan from contacting you neither did blocking every account they made as they began contacting your mods, your business email, they even started spamming ranboos dms, mods and business email and now you had the stress of Tommy trying to contact you. at this point neither you nor ranboo knew what to do, you were both convinced it was a troll trying to scare you both with jokes but the joke wasn’t funny. it never was, to say the least, it was horrifying. you stood with ranboo who was now changing the locks just to keep you safe, it was clear the fan didn’t know your new address as rather than sending you your address (as though you had suddenly forgotten where you lived) like last time it was just random messages trying to psych you both out. your phone buzzed again making ranboo jump you dreaded looking at the notification but you did it anyway

Tommy: y/n I’m serious please can we talk..tubbo and jack aren’t the same without you. I miss you

“anything important y/n?”

“no nothing to worry about”

“you’ve not been acting like yourself since the last stream are you sure you’re okay you know It's not your fault don’t blame yourself for whatever’s upsetting you I’m here for you I love you”

“I know boo I know, i love you too”

later that night you had to quickly end your stream despite to fact you had only been streaming 30 minutes as ranboo was arguing with someone the only reason you knew it was serious was because he was shouting back at the person, you had never heard him so angry and you’ve been friends with him for at least 16 years.

“okay chat that’s gonna be the stream for today…I forgot I have something to do I’m not going to raid anyone on here however tech is live on youtube for the first time in ages so I do recommend you go and check out what he’s doing good morning or good night I’ll see you soon”

as soon as you ended the stream you made your way to the room ranboo was in that's when you overheard tubbo arguing with ranboo

“oh good for you ranboo you're getting everything you want I mean you and y/n moved on easily the two of you bought a new house you both look happy and don't get me started on your career's taking off”

“goodbye tubbo”

ranboo left the call and opened the door

“oh boo”

you instantly pulled him into a hug, it was an extremely stressful time for the pair of you and you understood how painful it is arguing with someone who was once your best friend. every night the memory of Tommy blaming you for things that were out of your control and jack telling you to get out of the car haunted you however nothing compared to the way tubbo looked at you when you finally got home that night. he looked at you as though he never cared about the friendship the pair of you shared. of course, you never told ranboo about it keeping you up at night but he wasn’t stupid he knows you were still hurting even if it had been years since the fallouts happened

“why..why are they trying to get in contact again I was starting to feel like myself again”

“I don’t know…come lie with me on the couch for a while we can talk about anything you want”

the pair of you laid on the couch talking about what was going on and reasons why it was happening. ranboo decided he’d forgive the others if they contact him again however you were not as forgiving as they hurt you and your friend. eventually, his crying came to an end and he fell asleep holding onto you. you were falling asleep yourself until your phone buzzed.

Tommy: look y/n why don’t we all meet again, just come home

y/n: I am home I moved into a lovely house with ranboo and I sold the ‘home’ you’re talking about, now please stop contacting me tom I don’t want in my life anymore not only did you hurt me but you also hurt ranboo

Tommy: fine talk to tubbo

y/n: don’t add him...

*tubbo has been added to the group*

tubbo: hi y/n

y/n: you have 5 minutes to explain why you made ranboo cry.

tubbo: I don’t know what you mean

y/n: do you think you’re funny because oh boy do I have news for you.

Tommy: please just meet us one last time you can even bring ranboo

y/n: I was bringing ranboo anyway

tubbo: can I bring jack

Tommy: yes, see you where we always used to meet

y/n: ight see you Saturday

tubbo: see you Saturday I love you

y/n: please don’t say you love me tubbo. if you did we wouldn’t be in this situation.

you spent the rest of the night messing with ranboos hair you ended up accidentally waking him up however he pretended to be asleep before you could notice he was no longer asleep as he didn’t want this moment to end. however, you did occasionally hear him laugh quietly to himself

“Are you awake or am I hearing things”

he decided there was no point in lying as you were already questioning if he was awake and he was struggling to hold back his laughter so responded by tapping your waist signalling to you he was awake

“great..bad news we have to meet Tommy jack and tubbo on Saturday”

you watched as he quickly opened his eyes looking at you as though you had told him the best news ever

“heh?! actually? are you actually being serious right now”

“Unfortunately I am”

noticing you were unhappy about it he pulled you closer to him and spent the rest of the night explaining why it won’t be as bad as you’re expecting it to be and how it might actually be a good thing after all. a couple of hours later you fell asleep feeling a lot more comfortable with what was happening on Saturday ranboo fell asleep not long after, proud of his achievement. the days flew by, it was finally Saturday and you had mixed feelings about it, on one hand, you were somewhat excited about meeting them but on the other hand, you weren’t sure you were ready for them to enter your life again.

“I'm ill sorry ranboo you’ll have to go on your own”

“wowww real mature making me go all on my own…I thought we were best friends”

“I know you’re joking but I’d feel bad making you go alone give me five minutes and then I’ll be ready to go”

“here”

ranboo decided to throw one of his hoodies at you so you had something to wear that made you feel safe as he understood how overwhelming it’ll be to meet them again, five minutes later you got into the passenger's seat next to ranboo

“not feeling like driving hey”

“I will purposely drive around in circles to avoid meeting them”

“heh…are you okay are you actually okay seeing them, I don’t mind letting you stay home”

“I'm fine boo honestly now let’s go”

once you made it and began walking to meet them ranboo grabbed your hand. the only reason he ended up letting go was to talk to the others since Tommy pulled you into a tight hug not wanting to let you go the moment he saw the pair of you

“y/n I’m so sorry”

“I'm sorry too..”

Tommy spent a good few minutes frantically apologising to you for what happened and how he didn’t mean any of it. he was halfway through his speech about how he’s learned from his mistakes when tubbo spoke up.

“Tommy doesn’t keep y/n to yourself”

“sorry tubso”

you looked at tubbo not knowing what to say, it was evident that the pair of you were still hurt, he reached into his pocket grabbing a rock he found on the beach the other day

“here I found it the other day it reminded me of you”

“thank you I love it”

ranboo stood behind you wrapping an arm around you as he noticed you were starting to get upset. tubbo couldn’t believe how much you and ranboo had changed over the past years and it hurt him how close the pair of you had grown and the promise rings you and ranboo were currently wearing left him questioning whether that could have been him if he didn’t leave you both when it was clear you both needed him. jack spoke up next.

“hey, y/n..”

“nice to see you’re still bald manifold”

“Nice to see you haven’t changed. I’m sorry for what happened it hurt to see you go I was kind of hoping that you'd stay”

“oh jack it’s okay you were just trying to lighten up the situation I'm sorry I was so harsh”

a few months later the five of you were slowly but surely mending your friendship you all knew it would be difficult and take a long time to get back to how it was in the past but it would all be worth it

around a year since you met up again the five of you were closer than ever you were all streaming together again, constantly filming vlogs as a group. safe to say the wait was worth it, however, you and ranboo always wearing the promise rings you got for each still hurt tubbo

taglist

@milkydisaster @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @uselesssapphickitten @l0ver0fj0y @etheriaaly @xx-smiley-xx @hawarun @kylobensgirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @reverse-iak @renleicrashed @augustine-is-joy @c1loudee

[oikawaplssteponme]

locked lips

pairing: Pro Hero! Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

ratings/warnings: NSFW 18+ MINORS DNI [please im literally begging you], swearing, legal consumption of alcohol, slight praise, fingering, use of the name ‘baby’, deku being a little bit of a cocky jerk, unprotected intercourse, make-up sex

genre: ex’s to lovers, smut, aged up characters, fluff/angst (?)

word count: ~2.2k words

synopsis: You broke up with him on impulse. That doesn’t mean you stopped loving him. Now you’re back at his place, at a party you planned, with him looking just so desirable. What else were you to do?

a/n: hi hi! alright friends, this being my first nsfw post i cannot stress enough how important it is that minors don’t interact. if i catch any minors interacting with this post, ill delete this post and block them, which i obviously don’t want to have to do. just please respect these rules :)) anyway, reblogs are greatly appreciated and enjoy xx

You scrolled through your phone, mindlessly. You tried your best not to double tap on any of the pictures on your screen. The last thing you needed was for him to know you were stalking his page.

“You should start getting ready,” said Uraraka. You looked over at her, cocking a brow.

“Uh I'm not going?” you huffed. Uraraka sat down beside you.

“Don’t be like that Y/N. You still have to go tonight, regardless of Deku.”

“The party is at Deku’s house. I’d look like a total idiot showing my face there after we broke up.”

You sat up and crossed your arms. Ochaco sighed. She grabbed your shoulders.

“Y/N, you are gonna go to the party and make Deku regret his entire life. Anyway, I’m bringing you as my plus one, so you have to come!”

You sighed. “Fine, but I’m staying with you the whole night.”

Ochaco smiled and gave you a quick hug. She got up and began scanning through her closet again.

You had been staying with Uraraka since you and Izuku had broken up. It was a blow out fight. You yelled at him for caring about work more than you. He shouted at you for not being understanding of his career. The words you meant mixed with the words you didn’t, and chaos erupted between you and him. So, you packed a bag and left. You didn’t want to, but you were done.

While you and Deku were still together, you helped him plan an event for him and his fellow Pro Heroes, as an opportunity for them all to get together. Now, you would be attending that same event. Only, not with him.

“Who would’ve thought there’d be a day where I’d have too many clothes to choose from,” laughed Ochaco. You smiled.

“You should wear that pink dress Iida bought you for your birthday. I don’t think you’ve worn it out yet.”

“You think? It’s not too much…”

“Of course not! You’ll look hot,” you teased. Ochaco smiled.

“Alright alright I’ll wear it. But then you have to wear this!” She pulled out a bag from her closet and handed it to you.

“Please don’t tell me you bought me something…”

“I had to! All your clothes are still at his place...and I wanted to make sure you felt good tonight.”

You gave Ochaco a nudge and pulled out the tissue paper. You felt the soft material in between your fingertips, pulling it out from the bag.

“Uraraka...”

“No need to thank me. You’ve been through hell and back these last few weeks, the least I could do is get you a pretty dress.”

You jumped towards your friend, engulfing her in a hug.

“Thank you.”

“Hey now, let’s get ready! The limousine will be here in just a few hours!”

~

You sat in the back of the limo with Ochaco as you were on your way to Deku’s party. You looked like a million bucks. A little part of you hoped someone would take notice.

The estate where Izuku lived was gated off. Once you were let inside, you could see the beaming lights from the top of the hill. You felt your stomach clench, nerves building inside of you. You wanted to see him, but you also didn’t want to see him doing better without you. You haven’t even been apart that long. A month maybe? Certainly not long enough for him to be over you, because you certainly weren’t over him.

“Oh wow, Deku went all out!” cheered Ochaco. You looked to see the endless decorations and glamor that surrounded you.

“Yeah, these were my ideas,” you mumbled. Ochaco placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t stress about it. Let’s just have fun, okay?”

You exited the vehicle and began to make your way inside. Champagne fountains and blasting music greeting you. His house was just as extraordinary as you remembered it. Nothing less than perfect for the No. 1 Hero.

“Uravity! Y/N!”

You turned to see your friend Iida, plus others from your old days at UA.

“You two are looking stunning tonight!” smiled Kirishima.

“Why thank you, it’s all thanks to this one,” you chuckled, giving Ochaco a nudge.

“I honestly didn’t expect to see you here tonight Y/N,” said Shoto. You shrugged.

“Well, I was invited after all. So Mr. Number One Hero can deal with it,” you huffed.

“Sounds like you could use a drink.”

Kaminari handed you a glass of champagne, which you took happily. You clinked glasses with your friends before dousing the beverage down.

“It’s gonna be a long night,” you mumbled to yourself.

You found yourself on the living room couch of Izuku’s large complex. You watched as Pro Heroes danced mindlessly with far too many drinks in their systems. You chuckled. At least they’re having fun.

You hadn’t seen Izuku all night, which was strange considering this was his party. You looked over to the glass staircase, knowing more than well that his bedroom was upstairs. You knew the layout like the back of your hand, after all, you lived here for a year.

You knew all your stuff had to be upstairs. You only had time to pack a small bag the day you left. Surely he wasn’t awful enough to throw your things away. You got up from the couch and quietly made your way up the stairs, hoping no one saw you sneak away from the action of the party.

His bedroom was at the end of the hallway. The doors were closed. You placed your shaky hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. It was unlocked.

You stepped inside. The smell of his cologne filled your senses, causing memories to flood in as well. His room was neat, as if no one had been sleeping in it. You turned to the closet. All your clothing should be on the right side.

“Sneaking around?”

You jumped, removing your hand from the closet handle. You turned around slowly.

“Just wanted to make sure you didn’t burn my shit,” you huffed. Izuku chuckled. He took a few steps towards you, opening the closet.

“Don’t paint me as a villain Y/N. All your things are safe and sound.”

Your side of the closet was just as you left it. Exactly how you left it. You looked back to Izuku.

“Perfect. Then I’ll be taking it with me when I leave-”

“I’m surprised you came at all. I figured you’d want to be as far away from here as possible.”

“I didn’t come for you, I came for Ochaco.”

“Oh right.”

Deku took a step back, placing his hands in his pockets. That devilish smile stared you down, causing your face to burn. You could see the outline of his muscles through his white button down.

“You look incredible by the way. New dress?” he smirked. You rolled your eyes.

“Well since all my clothes were here, yes.”

“Well serves you right for leaving out of nowhere.”

Your eyes widened and you clenched your fists.

“I didn’t leave out of nowhere, I left because you cared more about your job than me!”

“That’s not true-”

“To hell it is! I was tired of being second to everything so I left!”

Izuku took a deep breath and stepped closer to you. He placed his hand under your chin, having you look at him.

“I didn’t want to break up.”

Your breathing got heavier without you even realizing it. You also didn’t realize that Midoriya had you pressed against the closet door.

“I-I didn’t want to either…” you whispered. Izuku smiled.

“Then tell me baby, why did we?”

“B-Because I didn’t know what else to do…”

Izuku brushed his thumb against your cheek, then took a step back.

“Look, I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel under-appreciated...but-”

Izuku moved closer to you again, pinning your arms to your sides and pressing his torso against you all in a swift motion.

“-I can think of a better way to prove it to you.”

You tried to catch your breath. All you wanted was him at this exact moment. Was that a good thing? Of course not. Did you care? Of course not.

“Then prove it to me.”

Izuku wasted little time in moving you onto his California-king. He pinned you down onto the mattress and instantly kissed you. You felt the rush of butterflies swarm your stomach. You hated how much you had missed this.

Deku let go of your wrists and you began to unbutton his shirt. With little patience, he helped you from out of your dress. He dived back down, locking lips with you once more. You dragged your nails down his back, listening as soft groans escaped his lips. He moved down to kiss and suck on your neck.

“Fuck~” was all you were able to get out. Izuku’s hands grazed your burning body, feeling the skin that he had been craving since the day you left. He snaked his hand to your back, unbuckling your bra easily.

“I’ve still got it…” he teased. He threw the bra to the floor and gave you little time to breathe before kissing you again. You ran your fingers through his fluffy hair, pulling him impossibly closer.

“Izuku...please…”

His puppy dog eyes stared back at you.

“What is it?”

You panted heavily, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I need you.”

A smirk creeped onto his face. Izuku kissed your cheek.

“I promised I was gonna prove it to you, wasn’t I?”

Izuku sat up, unbuckling his belt. He slid off his pants and boxers. You caught a glimpse of him, causing your body to feel on fire. Midoriya placed his head in between your legs. He teasingly kissed your inner thighs, keeping his hands glued onto them. The anticipation was practically killing you.

“Izuku-”

“Patience baby...I’m in no rush…”

He moved up to your underwear, biting onto one of the strings and pulling it down. They were practically soaked already. Same with your bra, he tossed them to the floor.

He continued to kiss and nip at your thighs, inching impossibly closer to you. You couldn’t take it anymore.

You grabbed Izuku up and kissed him feverishly.

“So eager baby~”

“Please just fuck me,” you whispered. Izuku chuckled. He licked his lips.

“As you wish.”

Izuku spread your legs apart, dipping one of his fingers inside of you with ease. You arched your back, letting out a moan, and gripping onto his arm tightly.

“That’s it baby~”

Midoriya slipped another finger in, stretching you out even more. You clenched around him as he added more pressure.

He removed his fingers and better adjusted himself above you. He held his cock in his hand before slowly pushing it inside of you.

You didn’t remember him ever feeling this good.

Izuku began to thrust into you, slow at first before building in speed. You could feel yourself clenching around him, sweat forming on your skin. Midoriya groaned with each movement as he pushed even deeper. He kissed you as he fucked you, though you were such a mess you could barely keep up.

He knew exactly how to get you worked up.

“Oh god...I’m c-close,” you mumbled.

“Not yet…”

Midoriya moved his hand down, taking his thumb and rubbing your needy clit. You gripped onto him even harder, digging your nails into his skin as he pushed you over the edge.

“Oh fuck-fuck-”

“Fuck baby, I-I love you-I’m sorry-” he stuttered out.

“I-I love you t-too. Fuck Izuku- I’m gonna cum-”

“Cum with me baby-”

Izuku went even harder as he reached his climax, following you. You let out a pleasure filled scream as you let go. Izuku laid on top of you, catching his breath as your body shook below him.

He looked up at you, brushing his hair back.

“I love you,” he repeated, in case you didn’t believe him the first time. You smiled.

“I love you too.”

~

You had forgotten all about the party that was occurring below you. As you got redressed to head back down to meet Ochaco, you felt Izuku grab your hand.

“What is it?” you asked him. Midoriya took your other hand as he stood before you.

“I really am sorry. I don’t want you to leave again,” he explained. You sighed. You ran your fingers through his hair, kissing his cheek.

“It’s okay, I won’t.”

You walked downstairs with Izuku, his hand interlocked with yours. You watched as Ochaco’s jaw dropped at the sight of you.

“Oh so that’s where you were for the last hour and a half?” she huffed. You chuckled nervously.

“Yeah sorry…”

“Well the limo is here to take us back home, or are you staying here?” she asked. You looked up at Midoriya.

“I’m staying.”

Soon the Midoriya residence was quiet, just you and him remained. You curled up with him on the couch, his arms holding you tightly as he kissed your head.

“You wanna know why I didn’t get rid of any of your things?” he said. You laughed.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I knew you’d be back.”

•

reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[sapphicnoel]

anderperry week day 6: sick!fic or hurt/comfort

A/N: hello lovelies. welcome to day 6 of anderperry week! it just turned midnight of the 24th for me, but i wanted to post early in case tumblr decides to be a little bitch again. anyway, for today i bring you the 2nd option: hurt/comfort. so... beware of angst. there's a happy resolution, though, I promise. also: i nabbed a couple dialogue bits from here to jumpstart my writing process. enjoy, i'm quite proud of this one :D - xx, sam

‘I’m okay, Neil,” Todd repeats for the millionth time. It wouldn’t have gotten to this point if Neil would stop pestering him, but... Todd supposes the other shoe had to drop eventually. This is what he gets, honestly. “Stop lying to me!” Neil shouts after a long moment of silence, a new fierceness rising within him. “Stop telling me you’re okay. I know you, Todd! I know you’re looking right at me and lying. This isn’t like you. What’s wrong?”

Neil looks about as terrible as Todd feels, now. His eyes are wet with tears and his face… Man, Todd hopes he never has to see that sort of expression ever again. It strikes his very soul, chilling him to the bone. The hurt on the face of someone he loves so dearly does something to his fragile heart. It gets to all the parts of him that love Neil and the parts that wish he hadn’t spent the last half hour lying to his face. Todd sighs, barely beginning to accept such a mistake. He looks up at his boyfriend, their gazes meeting. Todd stares at his crushed expression for a minute, taking it all in. A tear rolls down Neil’s cheek, unbidden.

Oh, no, no, no. Fucking hell, Todd thinks as a sense of dread and desperation wash over him. He wishes he could take it all back and just tell Neil the fucking truth.

“Neil, please don’t cry,” He whispers. “I hate it when you cry.”

That part is true. Todd hates to see Neil cry, this handsome young man who’s smart and kind and so many things Todd hasn’t managed to be yet. His brown eyes are best seen under bright stage lights, not filled with tears in the dimness of a cheap floor lamp.

Neil, though, stays silent. The silence says so much; it’s clear how hurt he truly is.

You did that to him, Todd’s mind reminds him, you made Neil cry.

That’s when he finally shatters. Todd slumps forward with the weight of the emotion as he starts to cry, gross sobs wracking his thin frame. Neil is there to hold him up. He envelopes him in a warm, welcoming embrace. Neil’s always been there for him. From fights with his father to his older brother’s sudden illness. It makes the hurting that much worse. As if Todd didn’t feel bad enough about this whole thing. Damn.

“I’m sorry, Neil,” Todd sobs into his shoulder, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to, to be a b-burden. M-my dad called this morning to tell me that Jeffrey’s taken a turn for the worse. I didn’t want to say anything, because you just got that new role you were so excited for, and-”

“Hey. Everything’s gonna be alright, I promise,” Neil cuts off Todd’s rambling swiftly, but not unkindly. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, baby. I’ll wait for you here if you need to make the trip back home. Take as long as you need. I’ll always be here for you. You’re never a burden to me, okay? Never.”

Todd’s too stunned to stay anything in response, he sits there for a minute and processes Neil’s words. Even after six years together, Neil’s patience and devotion never waver. Todd often wonders what he must have done in a past life to deserve someone like him. In this life, though, Neil holds him through the onslaught of tears. And everything that comes after. Even as Todd stops crying and shaking, finally going still in his arms, Neil doesn’t let go. Todd’s never loved him like this. A rush of pure affection washed over him. The heater clicks on, but they stay right where they are, sitting on their bed. A faint bell-like noise grows louder, and Walt comes in to lay on the blanket at their feet. He curls into a ball and falls asleep; typical cat behavior.

Todd sniffles and says, his voice rough, “Thank you. A-and I understand why you were angry with me.”

He rests his head in the crook of Neil’s shoulder for a little while longer to prolong this tender touch. Neil’s hand runs over Todd’s back soothingly, drawing circles on the skin under Todd’s Welton Academy alumnus sweatshirt. It’s comforting in the midst of this emotional roller coaster. It reminds Todd of their first year away from home and living in New York. There were many fights and many more sleepless nights, but they got through it. Just like they’ll make it through this rough patch. Todd makes it a point to remember to call his mom later. It looks like he needs to get a plane ticket for Vermont. His hopes that his older brother would get better are all but dashed now. Neil’s voice jolts Todd back into this moment and out of his head.

“There’s no need to thank me, my darling,” Neil replies as gently as ever, “I love you. We don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to. But I’ll be here when you’re ready, okay?”

“Okay.”

Todd pulls away from him a little, then presses his lips to Neil’s. Neil smiles into it and kisses back just as fervently.

They part all too soon, the moment of complete closeness gone in a flash. Neil smiles softly and swipes away a tear from Todd’s cheek with his thumb. Todd blushes at the gesture, the skin warm.

“Neil?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, too.”

Neil wraps his arms around Todd again and squeezes him by the middle. Todd hugs back, failing to keep the silly grin off his face.

Todd joins Neil on their living room couch that evening with a blanket splayed over them. Walt lays nearby, guarding the arm of the couch. The TV is playing some trashy Hallmark flick, but Todd isn’t watching. He’s staring at Neil, at the man he’s lucky enough to call his. He reaches out for one of Neil’s hands and grabs hold of it, lacing their fingers together. Todd rests his head on Neil’s shoulder, staring at the screen as he tries to figure out what’s going on. He fails miserably. Instead, Todd lets his thoughts wander elsewhere.

Maybe Neil’s right. He’s been wrong before, as humans so often are. But it certainly feels like everything will be alright after all. There’s much more to come, Todd’s well aware. But Neil makes it all feel worthwhile. The difficult parts of life suck far less when there is the assurance of his steadfast love for someone else, and Neil’s own utter fondness to match.

taglist :D @regina-della-poesia @maisietheweltoncow @aedan-mills

[youngbeezer]

number 5 for the tiktok thing with jon toews?

Referenced Post

Prompt-- 5. Running into each other's arms after not seeing them for awhile (w Jonathan Toews)

A/N: Here's another blurb from the 14 oddly romantic things blurb set. I only have one more after this, so this series(?) is coming to an end. I have enjoyed writing all of these sm! Welcome back captain serious!!!

Thank you for requesting, hope you like it :)

Word Count: 1345 (these have been so long lately idk whats going on)

Warning(s): mentions of his illness(?), but other than that i dont think any!

join my taglist :)

The sound of my phone’s ringtone awakens me from my deep slumber. It takes me a few moments to come to my senses and to rub the sleep out of my eyes, and once I am able to recognize my surroundings, I realize that I am once again waking up to a cold and empty apartment. It’s been the same feeling for almost the past four months.

Like usual, after last year’s NHL season ended, Jonathan and I went back to Winnipeg to spend our summers there in his hometown with family and friends. But this time, when I went back to Chicago for work in mid September, Jon did not come back with me.

During December, he started to experience these symptoms that left him feeling drained and lethargic. So, after seeing multiple doctors, Jon thought it was best to stay back at home to try and better understand his condition and get his health back on track.

Unfortunately, my job as a teacher was still in Chicago and needed me back right away, thus preventing me from staying in Winnipeg with Jonathan during this difficult time for him. It was definitely hard on our relationship being so far from each other, especially since Jon was sick and I couldn’t be there for him. But, we talked everyday and we both are very comfortable in where we are in our relationship, so we made it work.

So far, Jon does not know much on when he will be back in Chicago, and right now it is starting to seem like the next time I’ll be able to see him is when the school year is over and I am able to go back to his hometown.

I am brought out of my jumbled thoughts when my ringtone goes off once more signaling I have a text notification. I reach over to my bedside table to retrieve my phone off of the charger.

‘Good morning, beautiful.’

‘Hope you have a great day, say hi to all your kids for me.’

‘Love and miss you.’

I let out a sigh and go to wipe off the few tears that I feel running down my cheeks. Coming up on that four month mark has been extra hard lately. I miss waking up to his lazy morning kisses along my back. I miss the way we move in perfect harmony when we are doing our morning routines in the bathroom. I miss his goodbye kiss he gives me every day before going to practice. I miss everything about him. I also feel like such a bad girlfriend not being able to be there in support and to take care of him when he has been dealing with such a scary and unknown illness.

I wipe off the few remaining tears lingering on my cheeks and go to text back my boyfriend.

‘Love and miss you too! I’ll call you on my lunch break xx.’

I go to get ready for my day since I have to be at the school by 8:00 AM and it is already nearing 7:15. I take a quick shower and quickly blow dry my hair. I make a quick pitstop to check my phone and find another message from Jon.

‘Sorry baby, I think I have a doctor’s appointment during your lunch break.’

‘I’ll talk to you later, love you.’

I frown a little at his message. First, I worry that he has another doctor’s appointment-- since last time I heard, he was getting better; and I also frown at the idea of having to wait all day until I can hear his voice.

Today’s gonna be a long day…

(...)

Today was a long day.

First, I forgot to bring in the worksheets I printed out last night for my lesson plan so I had to switch everything around. Then, one of my students scraped their knee during recess so I had to take care of them and bring them to the nurse’s office, thus making me miss out on my lunch break (where I wouldn’t have been able to even talk to Jon anyway). And now, I am putting bandages on the back of my heels where my wedges gave me blisters. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to look cute today instead of being practical since I walk around and stand all day long.

My students were just dismissed, so I am currently just organizing everything that I’ll need to have ready for tomorrow. Once I finish up, I gather all my belongings and start making my way out of the classroom. I make sure to say good night to my favorite security guard before trekking to the parking lot.

When I make it out of the school building, I immediately go to take off my wedges. As I look back up in search of my car, I stop dead in my tracks.

Standing in front of my car, with my favorite flowers in his hand, is Jonathan.

Everything that was once in my hands has now clattered to the ground as my hands instinctively move to cover my mouth in both shock and excitement. Tears start to gather in my eyes as Jonathan gives me a huge smile.

Once the initial shock wears off and I realize it is actually my Jonathan standing right before me in person, I let out a little squeal and start jogging over to him. He sets the flowers on the hood of my car as I get closer and opens his arms to welcome my body.

He stumbles back a little when I jump into his arms, but he quickly recovers with a breathy laugh and by tightening his arms even more around my torso. As his arms wrapped around me, tears flowed freely.

“Oh my god. You’re really here.” I cried out, clinging onto him in fear that this was all a dream and he would soon disappear.

“I’m here baby. I’m right here.” He soothed into my ear, running his fingers through my hair.

At this point I felt like I was just uncontrollably sobbing. All the pain and loneliness of being apart, and the stress of not fully knowing how he was feeling and doing-- all of it is over now.

“Hey, y/n-- baby, please stop crying.” He shushed into my ear, trying to calm me down.

“I missed you so much.” I hiccup out. I pull away a little from his embrace to instead cup my hands around his neck to get a good look at him. “You look so good.”

Before I can ramble even more, Jonathan leans in and kisses me. Our bodies pressed together and our lips molded as though we were never apart. His lips were softer than I remember and tasted sweet against my own. I could feel his breath tickle beneath my nose as my left hand moved from his neck to his head to card my fingers through his hair.

It eventually started to grow sloppy as both of us could not contain our smiles any longer. I let out a little giggle when our teeth clack once more which prompts us to break apart from each other-- but not before Jonathan gives my nose one last peck.

“I love you so much.” I breathed out.

“I love you too.” He beamed back. “Let’s go pick up all your stuff in the middle of the road, eh.”

I look back at my belongings, totally forgetting that I dropped everything when I first saw Jonathan. We both make our way over there and gather all my stuff up before making our way back to my car.

Jonathan’s hands card through mine, giving it a little squeeze before mumbling out,

“It’s good to be back home.”

I smile but raise my eyebrows just a little up at him and ask, “I’m glad you are too, but isn’t Winnipeg technically you’re home?”

He gives me one last little peck before murmuring against my lips,

“Wherever you are is my home.”

Taglist; @heatherawoowoo @barzysandmarnersbitch @joelsfarabees @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo

tagging a few mutuals as well,,,,

@lovereadinghockeyy @carepriceisgoodathockey @prettyboyjackhughes @2manytabsopen @frederikanderson @bb-nhlqueen7 @cherrybarzy @jamiesdrysdales @luukasreichel @gigissports @cherrylita

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Alright, here’s part 2, I hope you guys like it. Part 3, the finale, is coming soon! Let me know what you guys think or if you wanna be tagged in the next chapter. Love you all xx

Warnings: Mentions of blood, death, angst

Summary: The clocks ticking and you’re trying to get over Peter

Prompts

Masterlist

Part 1

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The last person I expected to see when I showed up for therapy was Peter. Well maybe not the last person, but he was certainly up there. And I couldn’t help the uncomfortable feeling bubbling in my stomach when my eyes met his.

“Hello (y/n),” Dr. Morrison smiled at me.

“Hi,” I blushed as I looked between them, “What’s going on?”

“I just had a few questions,” Peter blushed, "I wanna make sure I'm doing everything I can."

I appreciate the gesture, I know he just wants to help, but I don't like that he came out to see my therapist. It just feels wrong, and I'm worried about what she may have said to him too…

"Right, that's, um, great, but I'd really like to get started if you guys don't mind," I turned my attention to Dr. Morrison, "I've got a lot to talk about."

She nodded, "Of course. Peter if you decide you want to make an appointment you can call in. It was lovely to meet you."

"You too," he smiled back at her and squeezed my upper arm, "Call me when you're done?"

I just nodded, "Yeah, I'll call."

I followed Dr. Morrison back to her office and waited nervously for her to settle in to address me.

“Sorry about that, he stopped by just a bit before you came,” she sighed and took a seat across from me, “How have you been?”

“Good…” I blushed, “What did you two talk about?”

“He just wanted to know some of the things he could do to help you through this, he’s very sweet,” she smiled, “(y/n) we have a confidentiality agreement, I promise I would never tell him anything about you or your condition. I just told him some of the things he can do to help.”

“Like what?”

“Well I told him the most important thing he could do was just listen to you, that he should give you space when you ask for it, and support whatever decisions you make about this.”

“Did he seem receptive?”

“Very, he seems like he really just wants to help you anyway he can.”

“Did he ask about the surgery or anything?”

“No, but he did ask if I thought you’d be able to get over this.” “A-And what did you tell him?”

“I told him if the people around you are as supportive as him then I think your odds are great.”

“Oh,” I sighed and let myself relax about the situation, “I’m glad you think so.”

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“Hey,” Peter smiled as he took the seat across from me, “So, you wanna tell me how it went now?”

“Everything was fine,” I smiled back, “I just wanted to talk to you face to face.”

He nodded, his expression quickly turning worried, “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, you mean besides the plants growing in my lungs?”

He rolled his eyes, “That’s not funny.”

“I’m trying to lighten the mood,” I sighed, “Peter I know you had good intentions, but it made me really uncomfortable that you were asking Dr. Morrison about me.”

His cheeks flushed instantly, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean t-”

I cut him off before he could start word vomiting, “It’s okay, I know you're just trying to help, but I really need you to take a step back here. I can’t get better if you're hovering over my shoulder all the time.”

“I just wanna help.”

“I know, and I know you’re used to being a hero and helping everyone all the time, but it isn’t your responsibility to save everyone.”

“I know that, but it is my responsibility to save you.”

“You can’t.” I hated watching the way his jaw clenched when I said it, but he had to hear it. “Nothing Spiderman can do is going to help me. I have to do this myself, and the best thing you can do for me is be my best friend and be here for me in the ways I ask you too.”

He hesitated, taking a few moments to think over his answer, he sighed before he finally answered, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone to talk to her. I just wanted to know how to help, but she told me the same thing. I just wanna be able to do more for you.”

“Well you’re gonna be there with me when I tell everyone right? That’ll be a big help,” I smiled, trying to cheer him up, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be harsh Peter. You know I’d trust Spiderman to save me from most things, but I just need Peter okay?”

“You aren’t being harsh,” he sighed, “It’s just…” he hesitated again, “I don’t wanna lose you and not be able to do anything about it, again.”

“You won’t,” I promise before placing my hand over his, “I’m gonna be fine, and you’ll help me get better just by being here for me. I promise if I need anything from you, I will tell you.”

“Okay,” he looked down at our hands, “So you still want to tell everyone soon?”

I nodded, “Yeah, like within the next couple days. I think it’ll be better if they all know soon,” it was my turn to blush then, “I hope everything’s okay with you and MJ, thank you for not telling her though. I’m sorry I made you guys fight.”

“You didn’t make us fight,” he squeezed my hand and returned both of his to his lap, “We’ve just been butting heads over everything lately.”

“I’m sorry P, you can tell me about it if you want.”

“It’s alright, I don’t want to stress you out.”

“You won’t,” I assured, “Peter I’m your friend too, if you need to vent I’m here.”

He leaned back in his chair and yet another sigh left his lips, “I don’t know, we just can’t seem to agree on anything lately. Every tiny thing makes us fight, I mean just the other night we started yelling at each other because we couldn’t even decide where to get dinner.”

“I’m sorry Peter, did you guys have some big fight that started it or something?”

“No, not really, er, kind of? I don’t know, you remember when we went out to that bar with Betty and Ned? And we were out like really late?”

“The one with the mechanical bull?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, that one. Anyways, she just got really upset we were out so late, I guess we’ve just been fighting ever since.”

“Well obviously I’m not really one to give relationship advice, but there’s always ups and downs, I’m sure you guys will get better.” It’s hard to comfort him because part of me doesn’t want them to get better, and another part of me hates me for letting that thought cross my mind. “Is she still just mad about that night?”

“I don’t know, but I’m not apologizing for spending time with my friends,” he hummed, “I love her and everything, but she just hasn’t been very fun to be around lately.”

“Have you asked her what’s going on?”

He glances up at me and purses his lips, “Let’s talk about something more fun.”

“Okay,” I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the slight tickle before it becomes something more, “You wanna see the xray of my lungs?”

He frowned and shook his head, “No, surprisingly I don’t think your terminal illness is a very fun subject.”

“I think I forgot how to have fun,” I reached for my drink, taking a big gulp to drown out the incoming cough, “Honestly I don’t think I’ve thought about anything else since I was diagnosed.”

“Are you okay?” he knit his brows in concern.

I nod quickly, “I’m fine, just a little tickle.”

He opens his mouth to say more but stops himself, “Okay, well, since I can’t punch the problem away for you, how about I show you how to have fun again?”

“Hmm,” I tapped my lip, pretending to think it over before nodding, “Okay, but no strenuous aerobic exercise.”

“Alright so no mechanical bulls this time,” he winked and stood, offering me a hand up, “Come on, I’ve got a couple other things in mind.”

I just rolled my eyes and let him help me up.

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“Are you okay?” Betty raised a brow at me, returning to the kitchen with pizza in hand.

I nodded, “Yeah, just a little nervous.”

“Nervous? It’s just dinner with our friends.”

“I know, I’m still just a little nervous.”

“Okay…” she pursed her lips as she placed the pizza on the table in front of me, “You’re not pregnant or something are you?”

“What?” I flushed, “No, I’m not pregnant.”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, you haven’t been feeling well and you’re all nervous about dinner. I feel like you’re gonna tell us all that you’re pregnant.”

“I’m not,” I assured.

A knock at the door interrupted our conversation, “I’ll get it,” she offered, “Try to chill baby mama!”

“I’m not pregnant!” I snapped.

The door opened to reveal Peter, Ned, and MJ, with cupcakes and soda. It’s like we’re having a party, too bad I have to tell everyone I’m dying.

“Hey guys,” I greeted them with a smile, “You’re just in time, the pizza just got here.”

“Great,” MJ smiled to me, setting the cupcakes right beside the pizza, “I’m starved. Did you guys pick out a movie?”

Betty nodded, “Yeah, (y/n) said she had something picked out.”

“Yeah, I was thinking we could watch the movie after dinner though, it might be nice to sit at the table for once,” I laughed awkwardly, I think everyone could tell something was up.

“Sounds nice,” Peter squeezed my shoulder, “How are you?”

“Fine,” I assured, “Just hungry.”

“Let’s get you some food then,” he practically shoved me into one of the chairs at the table and took a seat besides me, “Well come sit down you guys.”

MJ raised a brow at him, “You good.”

“Yeah, I’m great,” he nodded, “I’m just really, really hungry.”

“Okay, you said you weren’t hungry in the car though,” she rolled her eyes as she sat at his other side.

“Well I got hungry.”

“Guys come on,” Ned groaned, “You fought the whole car ride here, can’t you guys just wait until you’re alone?”

Peter blushed, “Yeah, sorry. This is about (y/n), we shouldn’t be fighting.”

Betty knit her brow in confusion, “What do you mean about (y/n)?”

His blush spread up to his ears, “Nothing! Nothing at all! I just mean cause she suggested we have a movie night! Not like I know something you guys don’t or anything…”

“Oh my God Peter,” I sighed, hiding behind one of my hands. “Sorry,” he sank into his chair.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, “I have something to tell you guys.”

“You are pregnant!” Betty accused with a smile, “I knew it!”

I rolled my eyes, “No, I am not pregnant. It’s not something nice or happy or anything good, that’s why I was planning on waiting until after we ate.” Everyone was silent and all eyes were on me. “I’m sick, um, really sick,” I can seem to get the words out so I look to Peter for help.

“She has Hanahaki’s,” he sighed, “I only know because I caught her coughing up a flower.”

They stayed silent, I think they were all just taking it in for a minute. Finally Betty spoke.

“So when you went to the doctor a few weeks ago…”

I nodded, “Yeah, and Peter’s known for almost a week now.”

“They haven’t gotten you in for surgery yet?” MJ knit her brows in confusion.

“I’m not getting the surgery.”

Betty frowned, “Why not?” “There’s a chance that I wouldn’t be able to fall in love again if I did, I don’t wanna risk it.”

“She’s been going to a therapist,” Peter added.

“Who is it?” Betty demanded.

“I’m not telling anyone who it is, I don’t want anyone blaming him for anything.”

“Well have you tried to talk to him?” MJ frowned, “Maybe this is just a big misunderstanding.”

I blushed, “He’s seeing someone. He doesn’t feel the same way. I’m gonna be okay though, I’m gonna move on.”

“Okay it’s great for you to try that, but you need to at least be considering the surgery,” Betty shook her head, “You sound insane right now.”

“Betty,” Peter shot her a glare, “She’s doing her best, and she already heard it all from me.”

“Well she’s still trying to pass up a life saving surgery so I think that talk went awesome,” she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not going to die,” I tried to defend myself, “I’ve been going to therapy and I’m making good progress, I’ll be able to get over him and be just fine.”

“Is it moving quickly?” MJ frowned.

“So far I’ve been on the slower end, I have my three week check in in a few days and they’ll see if it’s gotten any worse.”

“Well what can we do for you?” Betty sighed, “If you really don’t want surgery…”

“You don’t need you to do anything. I just thought you guys should know.”

“I guess if it’s slow there’s still time for you to try moving on,” Betty reasoned, “Maybe when it gets worse we can talk about the surgery again.”

“It’s her decision.” I was surprised when MJ jumped to my defense. “If she doesn’t want the surgery she shouldn’t get it.”

Peter frowned, “Don’t encourage her.”

“I’m not encouraging her, but it’s her choice. We shouldn’t try to push her into a surgery she doesn’t want.”

“Okay in every other case you’re right, but not when the alternative is dying.”

“Well she said she can get better, and she’s the sick one, so I think she knows what she can and can’t do better than you can.”

“I didn’t say she couldn’t, we’re just saying if she can’t then she should consider the surgery.”

MJ turned to me, “(y/n) didn’t you just say that you didn’t want the surgery?”

“Why are you making this a fight? And why are you bringing (y/n) into this? She doesn’t need to stress out about some pointless argument.”

“Stop babying her for fucks sake Peter she’s a grown adult, not your daughter,” she rolled her eyes.

“Okay so you find out our friend is dying and you still don’t want me to spend time with her?”

Part of me liked watching them fight, and I hate myself for ever letting those thoughts enter my mind. I want them to be happy, both of them, and I don’t want them to fight, not really. Even if some evil part of me likes it.

“Guys I-” I cut myself off with a cough, I try to drink something and force it back down, but I’ve got no such luck. I know what’s coming, I can feel them tickling my throat, so I got up from my chair and stumbled over to the kitchen sink. I leaned over it and coughed not one but three flowers up, along with a heavy amount of blood. It’s the most I’ve ever coughed up at once.

“Are you okay?” Peter rubbed my back, his eyes swimming with concern.

I nodded, “I’m fine, I just need some water.”

Everyone’s eyes were on the sink, they were all just staring until Betty cleared her throat, “Just go lay down, I’ll clean this up.”

“Guys I’m okay,” I insisted.

“No, she’s right, you should sit,” MJ grabbed my shoulders, directing me towards the couch, “Peter get her some water.”

He nodded, “R-Right, on it.”

The rest of the night went about as expected, the fight was dropped and everyone babied me until they went home, then Betty babied me until I went to bed.

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Dr. Shaw was silent as she examined my charts, she didn’t look happy, so I could only assume it was bad news. “It’s getting worse isn’t it?”

She nodded, “It’s made a significant jump from last week, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t getting better, it’s just the nature of the disease. How’s therapy going?”

I sighed, “I don’t know, it’s hard to say. I feel like it’s going well until I’m around him again, then it just kind of hits me.”

She pursed her lips, “Well I don’t know so much about the psychology of it, but I’ve seen a lot of patients get better after a confession, whether that be through reciprocation or just being able to move on.”

“How much longer do you think I have?”

“It’s hard to say, you were progressing slowly but then you had this jump. If it continues at this new pace I’d estimate we’ll have to hospitalize you within the week, if it slows down again we’ve maybe got another two or three weeks.”

“Alright,” I sighed, “I’ll, uh, try to get better I guess.”

She gave a forced smile, “(y/n) we can still get you in for surgery if you change your mind.”

I shook my head, “No, no I can do this.”

“Alright,” she scribbled some things onto notepad, “I’m upping your prescription, we’ll see if we can slow it down again.”

“Thank you doctor.”

I debated what to do on my way out, finally deciding that I’ll need to see Dr. Morrison more frequently and see Peter less frequently. Then I decide I want to go talk to MJ, I think if I can feel less guilty it will help, and I’ll feel less guilty if I can help them get along again. So I swing by her house before I go to get my prescription. It’s a little awkward, we’ve never hung out alone, it’s always with Betty or Peter or someone else, I guess we aren’t that close really.

“Hey,” she greeted as she opened the door, “Come on in.”

I followed her inside, my hands clasped nervously in front of me, “I’m sorry to bug you, I just wanted to apologize about movie night.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” she assured, “Peter and I have been fighting anyway.”

“Yeah, he told me,” I blushed, “But I am sorry, and I wanted to thank you too, you’re the only person who’s been on my side about the whole surgery thing.”

She nodded, “Yeah, I mean it’s your choice in the end, but if I were you I wouldn’t make the same one. I’ve been in love, I’ve dated people I’m in love with, and if I were in your shoes, I mean like, if I had to pick between Peter and a life saving surgery, I would pick the surgery everytime,” she smiled and I worried that she may know, “But you know, even if I don’t agree with your choice, you deserve to have someone on your side.”

“Thank you,” I glanced down at my hands, “Sometimes I think I’m making the wrong choice too, but I don’t want to never feel like this again… Anyways, I really wanted to make sure you and Peter are okay. And if I’m putting any kind of stress on you guys I wanted to say I’m really sorry.”

She sighed, “I don’t really know what we are right now, we just can’t seem to see eye to eye on anything lately.”

“I’m sorry MJ, you know I could talk to him if you needed m-”

“No, no,” she laughed, “The last thing I need is for you to talk to him about it. He’s still mad that he thinks I stressed you out the other night.”

“I’m sorry, you didn’t though, I just stressed myself out.”

“He’s just worried, he doesn't want to lose anyone else,” she shrugged, “I think he’s taking it worse than you actually, and I don’t know what I’m gonna do with him if you don’t end up getting better.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, I’m gonna be okay.”

“It’s good that you’re being optimistic, but if you’re really refusing the surgery then there is a chance you don’t get better,” she sighed, “Sorry, you shouldn’t be thinking about that, but it’s just a possibility. And it’s harder for us to be sure you’ll be okay, we aren’t you, we don’t know how you're feeling on the day to day.”

I nodded, ‘Yeah, I, uh, I just gotta stay positive. It’s not easy though, you know I think I’m okay and then I see him again and suddenly I’m not, o-or I see his girlfriend and I just feel so guilty…”

“(y/n), can I ask you something?”

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Is it Peter?”

It’s like the whole world slowed down as I tried not to go tense or blush or do anything that would give it away. “No, of course not, I wouldn’t do that to you, we’re friends.”

“I’d understand if it was, I know you can’t help forming feelings, and I wouldn’t get mad either. I know you wouldn’t try to make a move or anything.”

“It’s not him,” I coughed into my hand and glanced down at my phone, “I’m sorry, I need to get to the pharmacy before they close. Thank you for talking with me.”

“Of course,” she was still frowning when she stood up, “I’ll walk you out.”

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I’d secluded myself after my doctor’s appointment and awkward encounter with MJ, telling everyone I just needed a few days alone. I only left the house once, to go to therapy, where I think I did make some progress, but then realize I didn’t as soon as Peter showed up at my place again. I wanted to send him away, I really did, but I just couldn’t.

“You still haven’t told me how the doctors went, or therapy,” he smiled as he returned to my room, a tub of popcorn in hand.

“Therapy was fine,” I sighed, “The doctors weren't so great, she said it got a lot worse since my last appointment. She upped my medication though.”

His face dropped instantly, “How much worse?”

“She said I’d be hospitalized in a week if it continued at that rate, but like I said, she upped my meds. Hopefully that will help slow it down again, then I’ll still have two or three weeks.”

“Only two or three?”

“That’s still good Peter, most people don’t even last a month.”

“Do you think you can get better by then?”

“Yeah, I think so,” another sigh fell out of my lips, “It’s a little weird, I know we’re never going to be together but that isn’t enough, I have to just not be interested. I know I’ve moved on from people before too, but it’s like I suddenly can’t remember how to do that.”

He wrapped an arm around me, pulling me into him with a frown, “You’ll do it, I know you will,” he let his head fall against mine, “It’ll just click, and you’ll get better.”

“I know,” I took a couple of pieces of the popcorn and decided it was probably best to move on, “So, did you and MJ make up.”

He shook his head, “No, but you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Peter we just talked about how we both know I’m going to get better, so you can’t baby me.”

“I don’t know, she was mad that I was being so clingy to you, and I thought she’d drop it once she knew what was going on, but she didn’t. And I’m mad she’s mad about that, and I’m mad she thinks it’s okay that you’re refusing surgery, and you know, we were already fighting before, but this is just making it worse.”

“I’m sorry,” I felt that wave of guilt again, “I’m really sorry, I don’t want you guys to stress out over me or anything, it’s really not worth it.”

“Don’t apologize, you can’t help being sick, and you aren’t making anything worse. It was all already there. I’m just really upset, she isn’t taking this whole thing as serious as she should be,” he kissed the top of my head.

“She is, you’re just handling it in different ways.”

“I’m supposed to go over there later so we can talk,” he turned his attention to the tv with a sigh, “I don’t even know what to say, I think we’re just drifting apart.” “Don’t say that Peter,” I scolded, worrying that I may be causing a bigger issue than I thought, “It’s just a rough patch, and my whole situation is making it worse. I’m sorry, I should have kept it to myself.”

“You aren’t making anything worse (y/n), the whole surgery thing is just another problem to add to the pile, it’s got nothing to do with you, none of our problems do. Please don’t think that or stress yourself out over us, the only thing you need to worry about is getting better,” he cupped my face, “And you absolutely should not have kept this to yourself, you’re my best friend and I need to be there for you through this, it’s my problem just as much as it is yours.”

“She doesn’t think I shouldn’t get the surgery,” I tried to deflect because if I really thought about what he said I’d start to cry, “She told me she thinks I should get it, but she just wanted me to have someone on my side.”

“I know what she thinks, that’s what the whole issue is. I’m on your side, all of us are on your side, but you’re wrong here, and she shouldn’t even be saying there are sides in the first place. She shouldn’t tell you it’s okay for you to choose dying over the risks of the surgery either. Whether she means it that way or not, I just feel like she’s saying she’s okay with you dying, and I really needed her to side with me on this but she won’t even think about it. Maybe I’m being selfish, but if pressuring you is how we get you to have that surgery then I’m fine with that,” he looked away for a minute, I think he was about to cry too, “I love you, and I just want you to get better more than anything. I don’t want you to be focusing on anything else either, all of your energy needs to be focused on getting better. So please don’t worry about us, whatever happens will be fine just as long as you are.”

I did start crying, and I felt ten times worse because it made him start to tear up too, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he pulled me into his chest, rocking me lightly, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

The movie was discarded in favor of sitting quietly while Peter tried to make me feel better. It worked eventually, but I just ended up passing out. I would have thought Peter would have just left after that, but when I woke up he was still right beside me, dead asleep with his head on my shoulder. I freaked out because I remembered he was supposed to go to MJ’s, so I shook him awake as quickly as I could.

“What’s wrong?” he frowned at me, “Are you okay?” “I’m fine,” I assured, “But we fell asleep, and you were supposed to go to MJ’s, you gotta call her.”

“Right…” he sat up slowly, picking his phone up off my nightstand with a frown, “Yeah, it looks like she’s been calling, I should probably head over there…”

I nodded, “Yes, you most definitely need too, and you need to go now, I’ll text her and explain too.”

“You don’t need to do that,” he ruffled my hair and smiled affectionately, “You just lay right here all day and you focus on getting better alright?”

I furrowed my brow but nodded, “Okay… But it would only take me a second.”

“It’s fine (y/n), just focus on you,” he kissed my forehead before climbing out of my bed, “I’ll swing by later to check on you again, try to start hating him while I’m gone okay?”

I blushed and nodded, “I’ll give it my best shot.”

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Peter never came back, never even texted me. I wouldn’t think anything of it if he didn’t lead a double life as Spiderman, but he did, so I was worried. I texted him once, a simple ‘you good?’ but got no reply. It was really nerve wracking, but around midnight he finally replied.

‘Got busy on patrol, be there soon.’

It relaxed me a lot, but I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. I was curious too, I didn’t want to be nosey, but I wanted to know how things went. I wanted to make sure they were okay. At least until Peter slammed into my window, scaring me so bad that I fell out of bed and decided he could fall off the building for all I cared.

“Screw you Parker,” I snapped as I opened the window, “I’m sick, scaring me like that is totally unethical.” He laughed, “You keep telling me not to baby you,” he reminded, “Can I come in?”

I rolled my eyes and got out of the way so he could crawl inside, “God, can’t you just use the front door?” “You’re jealous,” he teased, drawing my blinds so he could take off his mask, “So, do you hate him yet?”

“Not even a little,” I sighed, “Was she mad?”

He nodded, “Yeah, we had a big fight.”

“I’m sorry,” I frowned, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

He stayed quiet for a long time, staring at the wall in front of him before finally speaking, “We’re taking a break.”

“L-Like a break up break?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I mean maybe we’ll fix things eventually, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.”

Butterflies filled my stomach, happy, nervous ones. They made me sick.

“Oh,” I didn’t really know what to say, “I’m sorry Peter, are you okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah, I think we’ve both known it was coming. I should have called you, I just wanted to blow off some steam first.”

“That’s okay.” I knew I shouldn’t have let Peter spend the night, I should have made sure he went to see her on time. “I’m really sorry Peter, I could try to talk to her if you wanted.”

“It’s okay,” he wore a small smile, “I think this is better for both of us. I mean we’ve been dating since high school, and we’ve changed a lot since then. I think maybe we’ll work better as just friends… In the future I mean, I don’t really want to see her right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

I know it’s my fault, at least in part. I know he won’t say it because he’s trying to protect me, but I know it. I know that I stressed them both out, especially Peter, and that couldn’t have done anything but make things worse.

“Quit apologizing, you didn’t do anything,” he fell onto my bed with a sigh, “You know what would make this all feel better?”

“What?”

“If you got all better so we could go do something fun.”

“We can do fun stuff now.” He shook his head, “No, I want to go to the amusement park again, like we did last summer, but just us this time,” his small smile fell to a frown, “But you can’t go until you get better, so you need to get better soon.”

“I’ll try my best,” I promised.

He shook his head, “No, not trying your best,” he sat back up suddenly, “I need you to promise me you’ll get better.”

I nodded, “I’ll get better.”

He pulled me into a hug, quickly kissing my head, “Good. Now I think I’m gonna go on patrol for a little bit again. Call me if you need me okay?”

I nodded, “I will.”

“Good,” he pulled his mask back on and drew my blinds again “And now that I’ve met my quota of visiting sick kids for the night, I’ve got to get back to the real superhero business.”

I rolled my eyes, “Glad I could help, be careful out there Spiderman.”

I locked up after he left and felt good for about one minute, then the guilt set in. I couldn’t avoid it anymore, I couldn’t push it down any longer. I didn’t know what to do about it, I just had to get it out. So I went to Betty’s room in hopes of just trying to vent a bit, luckily she was still awake.

“What’s on your mind?” she smiled at me.

I shrugged, “I don’t know, a lot I guess.”

“Okay,” she scooted over and patted the spot besides her on her bed, “Tell me what’s up.”

“Well I’m still dying,” I blushed as I sat down, “I don’t think I’ve gotten better at all actually.”

She frowned, “Just because you aren’t better yet doesn’t mean you haven’t gotten better at all.”

“But I haven’t gotten better Betty, I know I haven’t,” I stopped myself with a sigh, “Peter and MJ broke up.”

She nodded, “Yeah, MJ’s been texting me, how’s Peter?”

“He seems okay,” I was trying so hard not to cry, “It was my fault.”

“What?” she laughed, “(y/n) you had nothing to do with it.”

“Yes I did, I put all this pressure on them and I made things so much worse and I-” I lost the battle with my eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t putting pressure on anyone, and even if you did, it was just something else on the pile, they’ve been having problems for awhile, you know that,” she hugged me, “You shouldn’t feel bad about anything, you’re just trying to get better.”

“No I- Betty it’s Peter,” I just blurt it out between sobs. It feels good to put it out there, to tell someone, but it didn’t shake the guilt at all.

“What do you mean it’s Peter?” she frowned.

“The boy, it’s Peter, I’m sorry,” I feel like a little kid, crying to their mom over a broken toy. She seemed to be in shock for a moment, “That’s why you wouldn’t tell us who?”

I nodded, “I can’t put that on him! And I feel so bad Betty, I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t feel bad, look you can’t help developing feelings for him,” she assured, “Just calm down, it’s not like you’ve ever acted on it, we all know you wouldn’t do that. And you know Peter wouldn’t want you to feel about that either. It’s okay.”

“It isn’t okay Betty! I’m dying! I’m gonna die, I don’t wanna die!” I cried into my hands, “And I just can’t get over him!”

“Yes you can,” she insisted, “Maybe it doesn’t feel like you can right now because you’re all worked up, but you can. Just take a deep breath, let’s calm down okay?”

I took a deep breath, trying to get my sobs under control, “I don’t want to get over him.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, “You have to.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I passed right out after admitting things to Betty, and I had felt better after admitting things to her, but then I woke up coughing. And I just couldn’t stop. Water didn’t help, coughing out the flowers didn’t help, nothing helped. I’d stop for a few seconds and then it would just start right up again. I started getting lightheaded, to the point that I had to sit down. I barely even noticed when Betty entered my room. “Are you okay?” she frowned at me.

I nodded, “I’ll be okay.”

“Drink something,” she handed me my water bottle.

I shook my head and pushed it away, “I already did.”

“Drink more,” she insisted.

I took a gulp just to appease her, then a few petals fell out of my mouth and the coughing finally subsided, leaving me dizzy on my bed, “See? I’m good.”

“I think you should go see the doctor.”

I shook my head, “I’m okay.”

“It’s getting worse, you need to go in,” she insisted, “Come on, I’ll take you in.”

“Betty I’m fine.”

“Then there’s no harm in going in, just humour me okay?”

I sighed, “Fine, fine, we can go to the doctor and see that I’m still just fine.”

Part 3

[loveylangdon]

Go To Town

Word Count: 4.2k

soft jj x best friend reader 

A/N: I have no idea why but 'Go To Town’ by Doja Cat reminds me of JJ (listen it if you want to), so I came up with this lil scenrio based off the song but not really? but who doesn’t love a good dance sesh to tease a cute boy. Just some cute JJ love tbh, everyone has the angsty, hard ass jj heres a lil content smol jj.  This is my first jj fic so pls be kind. truly a white mans whore so i’ll include my masterlist for my other writings Xx

*not my gif credit to owner*

y/n p.o.v.

“If you're down, boy, really down, baby let me watch you go to town” You and Kie screamed at the top of your lungs dancing on the Pogue. It was your turn to pick the music playlist for the day out on the marsh and you had more of an open love for all music. When it was your turn to pick the playlist it was a bit of everything everyone loved but today you just wanted to let loose and have fun. You vibed heavy with the reggae and soft jazz the boys usually picked or the pop-rock JJ chose, but you wanted to have more fun before the kegger tonight. Your vibe was usually infectious and you wanted the others to be able to let loose. Hence listening to some Doja Cat in the middle of nowhere with also the slight hope of catching JJ’s attention more so than usual.

Your cousin came down from the mainland and showed you some new artists and ‘Go to Town’ by Doja Cat was on her playlist which reminded you of your little blonde hair blue eyed crush. JJ Maybank possibly royalty amongst the pogues and rightfully so with his charm, good looks, and his ability to fix basically anything he was a guy every girl wanted to sleep with. But to you he was an angel in disguise. Glancing over at him you saw him smirking behind his beer bottle and looking at you intently in your swimsuit dancing with Kie. “Go down, go down, go down, go to town” You and Kie kept screaming out “and she shave it all off Charlie Brown with it” dropping down and dancing on each other. John B laughing and throwing his head back, Pope smiling like an idiot, Sarah refusing to dance provocatively with you two trying to hold on to John B’s arm for dear life. Today was gonna be good. You had JJ’s attention from the moment you stepped on the boat and that’s all you wanted even if it was because you were currently grinding with Kie. 

Together but not together, you and JJ were in this endless cycle of teasing and flirting constantly but today you were winning. Watching him while dancing on Kie you knew you had him wrapped around your finger. Making sure your eyes were locked for most of the provocative parts of the song or when you dropped lower than normal. Watching how his eyes get a deeper shade of blue and how he was holding on tighter to the neck of the beer bottle John B handed him before you guys anchored down. Smiling to yourself you turned and gave Kie your full attention again dancing and acting foolish screaming lyrics to the wise words of Doja Cat “If he don’t eat it, he a D-bag, He can use a submarine, I’ll call him seaman” 

You were kind of this untouchable girl in the group, maybe even a better girl version of JJ easier to tame. Young, wild and free. Pretty, smart, fun always up for adventure but you had the spirit of Pope calculating and thinking things through but you knew when to let go. The perfect balance, Smart and quick on your feet, great at getting out of certain situations you became the mediator for Pogues and Kooks. Not being much of either you were what they would call a “Pookie” in the middle, not exactly a full Pogue but not much farther from being a Kook but not good enough either. However the group accepted you far quicker than they accepted Sarah Cameron, pure at heart and no ill intentions just wanting to have fun, Plus it didn’t hurt that you stopped Rafe from attacking them the first time you met them on the island. After they knew you were badass and down to earth how could the 3 boys refuse to let you in their secret club. Kie joined later which you were thankful for, loving your boys endlessly for 4 years but you couldn’t say no to another girl to help keep these boys corralled. 

While being associated with the Pogues it didn’t stop Kook guys trying to get at you. You were invited on figure 8 anytime as well as the cut. Princess of peace some would call you, you could get Kelce and Rafe to back down from a fight more often than not. Rafe not wanting to get on your bad side because you had a fire in your eyes and he wouldn’t want to hurt his chance of possibly getting laid if the “opportunity arises” you would never but it didn’t hurt to make him think so. Being Pookie came with power. Being able to control Rafe meant power over the Kooks. Hurting you could hurt Mr. Cameron’s business in some ways, you didn’t have a big mouth but you never forget what happens, you’re a more credible person to believe than the Pogues if it came to spilling some of Rafe’s secrets. And Rafe never forgot that. So he played nice-ish when you were present. Plus it didn’t hurt that he was attractive. So what if you flirted and hung out with them once in a blue moon. Young, Wild, and free. 

Again though JJ, JJ Maybank was it. You guys were without a doubt each other’s person. You weren’t going to make the first move you were gonna let JJ do it. Watching him mack on Tourons hurt but nothing your friends and some fun couldn’t fix. You and him were endgame anyways so why fret over what’s inevitable. That’s what you told yourself. You were confident and you definitely had that boy wrapped around your finger. Knowing each other’s quirks, body language, food taste, being each other’s other half you guys had mastered for a couple of years now. Up until recently the tides have shifted your guy’s love for each other grew in a way neither of you suspected but it didn’t change anything. Maybe more lingering touches, a couple more conscious forehead kisses or escorts home. Yet the blue-eyed angel still couldn’t make it official so you did what you do best tease him any chance you got. 

“D to the TF, got your bf in my DM, got him all up in my hair” You make your way over to where Popes sitting pointing your finger at him to join you and Kie. 

“No-No” Pope lets out moving to get up, you wink at Kie who is laughing at Popes wide-eyed frantic figure who finally figured out what the songs about while trying to maneuver in the small boat. You and Kie finally get pope stuck between you two “cause I can’t believe my eyes and her man between my thighs” you and Kie keep screaming. Peaking over Pope’s shoulder you see JJ watching you “And it’s clean but messy like a pizza” you sing right at him making eye contact, you see the blue-eyed boy shift uncomfortably in his seat adjusting his swim trunks, eyes locked on you. You wink at him and see pink dust his cheeks as he clears his throat. 

Turning to John B with a smile on your face makes Sarah squeal, “My boyfriend too y/n” she lets out, fake shock evident in her tone 

“Sorry Cameron I don’t have a boyfriend so I need to steal yours” you giggle holding your hand out for John B who has his hand over his heart and an awe look on his face flattered you chose him. He kisses Sarah on the forehead and stands up leading you next to Kie and Pope “If your down boy really down, Baby let me watch you go to town” you’re back is to John B’s chest dancing to the beat yelling out the lyrics, you feel John B place his hands on your waist and see Kie trying to get Sarah to join you guys. 

You feel heat on your waist and it's not John B’s hands, someones staring at you, looking over to JJ you see him glaring at John B’s hands holding onto your hips, guiding you to the beat. Rolling your eyes at JJ you huff, only JJ would get jealous over a guy who has a girlfriend and still not do anything about it. Pope went to go sit next to JJ since Kie left him to drag Sarah to dance before the song ended. You leave John B and dance your way over to Kie and Sarah. 

“No, No, No” Sarah squeals when you grab her wrist and Kie grabs the other you guys get her to stand up and push her to the front of the boat for the last chorus. Squishing Sarah between you and Kie you guys are lazily grinding on each other with the three boys sitting at the front of the boat whooping and hollering at your antics “let me see you go to town, baby, go to town yeah”

Making eye contact with JJ again you notice his tensed features, his jaws clenched and he’s biting his lip, his hairs messed up and you assume from him tugging on it. His eyes snap up to your face knowing he got caught checking you out he smirks opening his legs wider as if daring you to go to him and do your worst. 

“Baby let me watch you go to town,” you say making your way over to the boys, John B’s eyes widen hitting JJ on the shoulder “Oh my god” Pope lets out 

You make grabby hands to JJ, grabbing his hand that was covering his crotch innocently grazing his chest making pope let out a whistle, JJ stands up immediately taking your hand in his smirking while a goofy smile graces his features. You walk him to the middle of the boat turning your back to his chest and wrapping his arms around your waist immediately, you can feel his breath against your ear as he holds onto you tighter. Rocking your guy’s body’s together to the beat, you lean your head back and whisper into his ear “It’s your one chance, baby, never or now yeah” you hear him groan gripping you tighter if possible. Giggling you push your ass against his crotch and hear him gasp “Okay that’s it” He lets out with a clenched jaw and you unravel yourself from him and go back to dancing with Sarah and Kie again “Go down, go down, go down, Yeah let me see you go to town” Screaming when the songs over and the next one starts to play you guys laugh turning around looking at the boys who just sit there or stand in JJ’s case with a shocked expression 

“What the hell is wrong with you guys,” Kie asks crossing her arms, “You’re killing the buzz” she whines while Sarah walks over to John B and climbs in his lap causing you to laugh 

Pope clears his throat and opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out causing you and Kiara to laugh “Look y/n you broke Pope” and Pope looks offended 

“No, she didn’t,” Pope says but his voice cracked causing everyone to laugh 

“I haven’t seen y/n dance like that since the party with Rafe” Sarah comments teasingly and suddenly everyone gets quiet. Kie rolls her eyes at Sarah for even mentioning him 

“Okay, y’all act like you’ve never heard a song like that chill” you chuckle going to the cooler to grab a beer and take a drink

“No we have but like wow that was so-” Pope starts out with hand movements and everything but Kie shoots him a look raising her eyebrow 

“So what Pope?” She asks and you go to say something but JJ cuts you off 

“That was hot, like really hot not gonna lie I liked it, I liked it a lot actually” JJ speaks up from where he’s standing on the boat looking at you. John B hits him upside the head “Bro what the fuck” JJ lets out turning to look at John B

“Stop being gross” John B states matter of factly “They’re having fun they don’t need a perv ruining it”

You give them a confused look “Okay I’m going to swim, coming Kie?” You ask as she nods. Diving into the marsh instantly cools off your body, you hear Kie jump in after you. Swimming to the other side of the boat. The boys and Sarah out of view you hear Kie next to you 

“So JJ is still a dumbass” she huffs out rolling her eyes in the direction of JJ. Giggling at her you shake your head and she goes to speak up about his failed attempt to get down with you to Doja Cat when you guys hear JJ whisper shout trying to be quiet, you shoot a look to Kie and raise a finger to your lips telling her to be quiet while she nods

“Okay I stand corrected that was hot. Pope you should be worried about Kie leaving you for y/n did you see the way Kie went in after her” JJ lets out a whistle and you and Kie giggle quietly moving your arms around to make it seem like y’all are still swimming 

“Shut up” Pope lets out exasperated

“No Pope listen I’m serious that was so hot like y/n dived flawlessly she’s perfect and the way Kie followed right after her like girl on girl action it just-” 

You snorted looking over at Kie who had an eyebrow raised, you made kissy faces at her until she splashed you. You could imagine JJ using his hands to emphasize his point 

“You’re disgusting JJ” you heard Sarah let out which caused you and Kie to start giggling until you heard a splash of water assuming it was Sarah. You and Kie swam a little ways from the boat to not give away that you two were snooping 

“Great, you pissed off Sarah great going JJ” you could faintly hear John B huff 

“What guys I’m being honest, you’re gonna tell me that wasn’t even a little bit hot,” JJ asks and you can see his arms extended out 

“Okay JJ yes but we don’t say that shit out loud” you hear Pope mumble. Your head shot straight to Kie who has a shocked expression on her face at Popes sudden small outburst and then to Sarah 

“You little snakes you heard them” Sarah gasps out 

“Sarah shut up oh my god, it’s so fun to tease them” you flick water at her and head to swim back to the boat seeing John B and Pope join the girls in the water. The water had done its job cooling you off you wanted to tan. 

Climbing back into the boat you hear a whistle coming from JJ “Take a picture it’ll last longer” you let out reaching for your towel to dry off 

“Only if you let me take pictures of the entire view and” he pauses popping the ‘and’ while pointing his finger at you “you stay wet” JJ lets out biting his lip as you shoot him a fake glare. He’s reaching for your waist and you let him pull you to sit down between his legs 

You pout “I wanted to tan” 

“To bad come keep me company” he smiles pulling you down, kissing the crown of your forehead nothing unusual but it didn't stop the butterflies from forming in the pit of your stomach 

“How you feeling,” You ask him as he wraps a towel around your figure before wrapping his arms around you. Knowing he didn’t get in the water because of his recent fight with his dad. His bruises were taking a little longer to heal than normal and he didn’t want anyone worrying about him. You helped apply cream to them but he couldn’t stay out of trouble long enough for it to heal properly. 

“I’m perfect right now” he hums in content and you move to look up at him, his chin is resting in the crook of your shoulder and his eyes are closed, his arms wrapped across your torso holding you close to his chest. The sun is hitting his face perfectly making his blonde locks glow and there’s a sense of calm he holds. He looks content, at peace and all you could ever ask for was this boy to feel all the love in the world and a part of you hoped he felt that with you. Placing a soft kiss on his chin you feel him shift, you turn your body to watch the rest of the Pogues in the water. They’re having a splash war and you can’t help but let out a giggle at the girls trying to take down John B. 

“You missed,” JJ says 

“Missed what?” You ask confused eyes still on your friends in the water

“You missed” He lets out annoyed at the lack of attention you’re paying to him

“JJ what the fuck are you-” His hand grabs your chin turning you to him quickly cutting you off and his lips are on yours. 

Your lips melt into his instantly. His hand goes to hold the side of your face in his hand, tilting your head a bit to deepen the kiss. You feel like your heart is going to fall out of your chest. His other hand goes to pinch your ass as you let out a gasp he uses that as an opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. Attempting to fight for dominance you gladly let him win. He tasted like beer and spearmint with a hint of weed he probably smoked earlier. It was addicting. 

Pulling away for a quick second he groans, his eyes still closed you can see him rolling his eyes like breaking away from him was the end of the world. You place quick pecks onto his lips while moving to straddle his lap, you feel him smirk against you. Pulling you closer to him, he has one hand on your ass holding you to him and the other holding the side of your cheek to keep you close, you pull his bottom lip into your mouth sucking on it as he groans. Pulling away reluctantly both of his hands find their way to the bottom of your ass. 

Opening your eyes looking at him he sits with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on his face, eyes closed, lips red and swollen. He looks like a kid in a candy store and you can’t help but let out a giggle. Placing your hands on either side of his neck you lean into him and place a couple of kisses on his lips he happily partakes in and you can feel his smile widening if even possible. Pulling away you’re met with blue eyes and a smirk. You lean up to place a kiss on his forehead as soon as you place it there his face nuzzles into your boobs and you can’t help but laugh and he groans “you’re so perfect, fuck” he speaks into your skin playfully biting your chest

Tangling your hand in his hair behind his neck, you gently pull him away from your boobs, he leans in planting another kiss on you quickly “I like this” he places another kiss on your lips “I like this a lot” he whispers to you as you break away for the third time. 

Trying to chase his lips with yours you nod at him “Yeah?” you smirk tugging at the hair gently on the back of his neck, tilting your head a little more back feigning innocent while he groans moving his hands to hold the side of your face to keep you from moving away any further 

Something flashes across his face you haven’t seen before causing you to furrow your eyebrows together and then his eyes go soft and the way he’s looking at you makes you want to melt into a puddle “Yeah I like this a lot actually” he breaths out in a sincere whisper placing a kiss on your nose, you scrunch it up as he places gentle kisses all over your face until you’re pushing his face away to stop him you guys are both left laughing, He plays with a few strands of your hair just looking at you as if he’s trying to remember every little detail as if he didn’t know it by heart already 

“Um what are you guys doing,” Pope asks from the side of the boat with a questionable look only Pope could make

“Pope what the fuck man” JJ lets out pinching the bridge of his nose glaring at him. You move to get up and grab JJ another beer, noticing John b climb into the boat as well. “Can’t you see I’m trying to make magic happen” JJ gestures towards your standing finger and you scoff placing a hand on your hip

“You’re gonna need a lot of magic JJ little Pookie here has a wide range of options” John B teases knowing JJ gets all defensive when your other affiliated party is mentioned the Kooks

“She’s mine and everyone knows it” JJ scoffs crossing his arms making his biceps bulge a little bit 

“My brother doesn’t” Sarah chimes in climbing into the boat next to you and you try to stifle your laugh at JJ fuming. Kie climbs aboard and starts arguing with JJ alongside Sarah about the logistics of a relationship and what that entails. You’re sure you hear something about ownership and women’s rights and you can’t help but smile at your friends being idiots

John B pats the seat next to him for you to sit down, clinking his beer with yours or was suppose to be JJ’s “Salud” he chuckles ruffling your hair “I think Pookie is finally a Poguie, we can talk about custody over him later” he jokes 

“No” you hear JJ say over the music holding his hand to Kie’s face to shush her while pointing a finger over at the two of you “actually, she had full custody the entire time” you hear JJ shout over Kie trying to shove JJ in the water 

“Whose pussy whipped now,” John B asks him raising an eyebrow making everyone burst into laughter and Pope lets out a low whistle

“I don’t know ask Rafe-” JJ started which earned a shocked expression from you that lasted 2 seconds and a knowing look from Sarah before Kie finally pushed him over the edge and into the marsh resulting in a gasp from him and a content smiley Kiara

“I’m sure Rafe would gladly go to town with y/n, he’ll take his one chance” Kie yelled towards him and a bunch of “oohs” come from everyone before she continues “Hmm actually let's put that on the playlist for the kegger tonight see what prince Kook wants to do with princess Pookie” She goes to put her hand on her chin pouting her lips earning a nod from Pope  

“That's it you’re dead” JJ pushes himself up into the boat and immediately grabs onto Kie throwing her back into the marsh, turning around he headed straight for Sarah 

“JJ no, JJ-” Sarah screams out when he nears her “John B I swear if you let him-” but it's too late JJ is holding her bridal style in his arms tossing her over into the marsh 

“Sorry Kook you’re related to the guy can’t have you spying on us revealing intel” He salutes the two girls in the water going to sit in between your legs on the floor of the boat, his back against the seat

“Yeah he’s pussy whipped” Pope states pointing a finger towards you guys, JJ fake glares at him taking off his cut tank that is now soaked due to Kie pushing him in. Hoping it'll dry before the kegger tonight, you wrap a towel around his wet figure playing with his blonde hair and placing a kiss on the top of his head 

“Jokes on you Pope” JJ starts shooting him a look “I’m about to be treated like a king” JJ leans back shaking his wet hair into your lap which causes a groan from John B who was in the splash zone “Beer me women” he shouts holding his arms out earning a smack to his chest from John B, rolling your eyes you hand him the beer that was originally intended for him. He raises the bottle as the girls climb into the boat glaring at him. A shit eating grin on his face “Salud” which earns a chorus of saluds back and a “how does he do it” from Pope causing everyone to burst into laughter while he starts the boat up to head back to the chateau.

The sun, the water, your boy and friends. Pogue style. 

______

A/N: this is my first jj writing and she isn’t edited v much I wanted to get it out bc this idea has been in my head and I think about it every time I listen to the song, and its on my summer playlist rip. This could be a two parter? the ending was kinda meh because I was torn between dragging it out and giving it an ending. Either way I hope you enjoyed it. Any feedback or commentary is welcomed my inbox is always open, I hope yall are staying safe Xx

[writings-of-a-british-fangirl]

Changing Spirits (Zuko x Reader) [Everything Has Changed Part 3]

Title: Changing Spirits Summary: You settled in with the gang, but are confronted by a very real issue when Zuko reveals that he's 'lost' his fire bending ability. You also relive memories of the past Warnings: None really Request: Some of you wanted part 3 so here it is!!

A/N: Been recieving a lot of positivity and love on the last two parts so thank you for that! xx

PART 1: EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED PART 2: CHANGE IS GOOD PART 3: CHANGING SPIRITS PART 4: A HEART OF CHANGE

Zuko~Changing Spirits

Waking up in a new environment was strange. It was colder than the fire nation, a gentle breeze could be felt through out the temple. It wasn't unwelcomed, however. You shifted in your bed, and glanced over at Zuko. He was still asleep, and for the first time in forever he looked relaxed. You gently rise and prop yourself up with one hand, and slowly take in the room.

     It felt weird to be in a place like this.

    The fire nation had always taught you growing up that it was the most glorious nation in existence: that it had the best architecture, the most clever scientists, the only worthy culture- and yet you find yourself almost in awe here. How different would've it have been had it not been for your people 100 years ago... You try not to think about it.

    Taking one last look at Zuko, you get out of bed. You decide to leave him sleeping. He looks so peaceful, it would be a shame to disturb him. And, besides, you know he needs the sleep. He hadn't slept well in the fire nation; he told you himself. He couldn't sleep, not with the guilt he felt. You wished you could sleep longer too; you know you need the rest. Hunger calls you, though, and so does curiosity. Although you feel nervous about how the gang will react to you, you know that they wouldn't deny you food. Or, at least, you hoped they wouldn't.

---

"Hi," you awkwardly say as you leave the temple, approaching the group of misfit teens in front of you, "Uh, I just wondered if I'd missed breakfast..."

    You feel stupid now after saying it out loud, and you want the ground to swallow you whole as there is no immediate reply from the gang. Your heart begins to sink, and you want to back away, but you lift your head as you hear Toph speak.

    "I thought you and moody were never going to get up," Toph teases with a smile on her face, "Breakfast is over there."

     "Thank you," you murmur, "Zuko is sleeping in- yesterday was quite a long day."

     You sit down next to Sokka, making sure to leave enough space between the two of you so that you don't offend him or make him uncomfortable. You grab a bowl of breakfast- it smells delicious. Doing your best to be quiet and let the others speak, you listen to their conversation. It's hard to imagine less than a year ago this is who you were hunting. So much has changed. You were deep in thought, only to be brought from it by Sokka's voice.

    "So what's the deal with you and the prince of darkness anyway? Are you dating or something?" Sokka asks and you are kind of taken aback. `      You look up, a blush on your face.

     "Ur, no... No, it's not like that," you insist.

     "Your heart rate says otherwise," Toph laughs.

     You shoot her a look that you're sure she can feel.

     "We're just friends. We've been friends since we were kids. His mum... She took me in when my parents died. My father- he lost his life in the war and my mother... She was very ill for a long time. I owe Zuko and his mother my life," you open up to them, "I'm sorry I overshared I didn't-"

     "-I'm sorry that happened to you," Aang says, "That can't have been easy to share."

    "I don't think I've told anyone else that. Showing emotion in the fire nation is weakness," you tell them, "I know it's no excuse but I was brain washed from a young age. I'm glad I'm out here, doing the right thing."

     "You're right it doesn't excuse the things you've done," Katara says, "And, it can never undo the things you've done."

     "Katara, I-"

    "-But, I'm glad you've joined us."

    "You are?"

    "I saw how hard you fought to save us from-"

    "-Combustion Man," Sokka interrupts.

    Katara glares at him before continuing, "Yes, Combustion Man, and I don't entirely trust you or Zuko yet because that comes with time but I'm glad you chose the right side."

    "I know I can never undo what I've done, but I have changed. I'm sorry for what the fire nation did to your village- to all of your homes, and all of your families... The fire nation did a lot more than attack other nations- first they started with their own. I don't want the fire nation to be seen like that anymore.

      My grandmother used to tell me stories of what the world was like before the war: all I want is to do my part in restoring that world. "

    You and Katara share a look, and for the first time since you joined the Avatar, you finally have a moment of understanding.

---

When Zuko wakes up, he is alone. Panic sets in and he thinks something is wrong. But, then he waits and listens; he calms down when he hears your voice. It sounds like you're talking to the gang. Zuko can't help but smile when he hears your laughter. He hesitates for a second, before getting out of bed, and following the sound of your voice down the halls.

---

You hear footsteps and your head turns. It's Zuko: you smile at him and gesture for him to come over. He follows your lead cautiously and sits beside you. You serve him a bowl of breakfast, and go back to listening to the group talk. From one side, you can feel Zuko looking at you. When you gaze towards him, he looks away.

    "How did you sleep?" you murmur to Zuko.

    "Good..." Zuko replies, "What about you? You weren't there when I woke up."

    "Oh, sorry," you say, putting your bowl of breakfast down, "I didn't want to wake you up. You looked like you needed a few more minutes."

     Zuko blushes, but doesn't say anything else.

     The day rolls on, and Zuko begins trying to teach Aang how to how to fire bend, which was proving more and more difficult by the hour. You decided not to watch them train. You'd sparred with Zuko on many occasions, and you thought your presence wouldn't make the situation any better. So, you decided to try and bond with the girls of the group.

     Meanwhile, Sokka was dedicated to annoying Zuko.

    "Come on Sifu Hotman," Sokka teased, "Where's your giant flames now?"

    "I'm trying Sokka," Zuko said through gritted teeth, "Maybe it's that I can't concentrate when the only thing I can hear is the sound of your voice!"

    "Maybe we should get your girlfriend to come and give you a pep talk," Sokka laughed.

    Aang suppressed a laugh under his hand.

    "Y/N isn't my girlfriend," Zuko yelled back.

    "I never mentioned anything about Y/N- but if the shoe fits..."

    "Go away!" Zuko fumed, resisting the urge to grab Zuko.

    "I think it's best if you leave, Sokka," Aang says trying to diffuse the situation.

    Sokka glanced at Aang and then gave a shrug. He made his way over to the rest of the gang, ignoring the glare he could feel in the back of his head- mostly likely from Zukko. ...Who was he kidding? It was definitely from Zuko. For some reason talking about you was a really good way to push Zuko's buttons. Sokka didn't mean anything malicious by it, but it was a small revenge to annoy him about you.

    The water tribe boy sat down beside his sister with a huff.

    "Got bored of watching the fire bending did we?" Katara asked.

    "No, mostly because there wasn't much fire bending going on," Sokka said, before looking at you, "And, by the way your boyfriend is being extra moody today."

    "He's not my- You know what, never mind," you stop yourself, "Wait, what do you mean by there wasn't much fire bending going on? Zuko's an excellent fire bender. You've all seen it- ah sorry Toph, I mean experienced it."

     "No sweat," Toph reassures.

     "I don't know," Sokka says, "All I know is that Sifu Hotman wasn't very hot."

     "...That's strange," you murmur.

---

When Zuko and Aang come back later, you can tell something is off. Zuko seems upset, and angry... And, disappointed. You paused for a moment before saying anything. Something big was off. You'd seen Zuko grumpy before, but this wasn't just some small irritation. This was something huge.

     "Listen everybody," Zuko announced, "I've got some pretty bad news. I've lost my stuff."

     He sighs and looks down. 'His what?' you thought.

     "Don't look at me," Toph exclaimed folding her arms, "I didn't touch your stuff."

     "I'm talking about my fire bending. It's gone," Zuko corrected.

     No, it couldn't be. That didn't make any sense. Zuko couldn't have lost his fire bending. He needed to teach Aang fire bending. Aang needed to master all four elements to defeat the Fire Lord. Oh, this was bad this was really bad. Part of you heard the others speak, but you weren't really listening. You were too busy panicking.

     You interrupt them, "There's got to be a way to get it back though right?"

     Zuko just kept his eyes to the ground.

     "He just needs to go back to the original source of fire bending," Toph says confidently, "I learned earth bending from the badger moles. They were the original earth benders."

     "The dragons," you murmur, "They were the original fire benders."

     "And, they're extinct," Zuko huffs.

     "How? What happened? Roku had a dragon," Aang says.

     "They just are extinct okay?" Zuko snaps, turning away from the group.

     Even though the dragons were extinct, the culture that worshipped them still had ruins. And, they weren't too far away. It was worth a shot. Anything was at this point. It was Zuko's destiny to teach Aang fire bending, you know it was- and, yet it was getting so difficult so early on. You sighed and put your head in your hands. No. No, it was too early for defeat. Zuko and Aang needed to visit the Sun Warrior's ruins. It was at least worth a shot.

     Zuko and Aang had packed basic supplies and set off for the Sun Warrior's ruins. You tried not to feel too worried for them, but it was hard not to when you barely knew anything about the Sun Warriors. ...But, they went extinct so nothing good could've happened to them.

     "Try not to miss me too much," you say to Zuko.

     Zuko gives a small smile.

     You hesitate then bring him in for a hug.

     "Stay safe, okay?" you murmur more seriously.

     You feel him hug back.

     "I'll do my best to come back in one piece."

     "You better."

---

You were thinking about Zuko all the rest of the day. They were gone too long for your liking.  Sleeping alone in the room without Zuko didn't feel right. You tossed and turned and settled on your back. Your eyes stared up at the ceiling before your forced yourself to close them. You think back to all the times you spent sleeping beside Zuko- from sleep overs as a child, to on his war ship, to the small room in Ba Sing Sei... It didn't feel right: being without him.

     You thought back to when you were children and you had snuck into his room.

~~~

    "Zuko!" you yelled out, "Help me up."

    The little prince ran to his window to see you clutching at his balcony. You'd scaled the side of the building, and had your hand wrapped around one of the rungs of the balcony. Zuko grabbed at your hand, and hauled you onto the balcony. You laughed as you fell into a lump onto Zuko.

    "What the hell are you doing?" Zuko whisper-yelled, "Are you trying to wake everyone up?"

    "No," you smiled, "I was trying to see you."

     Zuko rolled his eyes.

    "You could just use the door you know," he said, cracking a smile.

    "Where's the fun in that?" you beamed, "Besides it was a very important mission: I hadn't seen you all day. I had to sneak in to make sure no enemies caught me."

     "Yeah, sorry about that... I had 'royal stuff' to do with my father. I'd much rather spend time with you."

      You smiled and begin telling him about your day, and your plans for tomorrow. Soon, it got later and later. The sun had set and you were both getting tired. You told Zuko you were going to go back to your room, but Zuko insisted you stay in his. You know- in case any enemies caught you. You caved in and clambered into his bed with him. It was your first sleep over ever!

     And, it wouldn't be your last.

     Zuko's mother opened the door, to check on her son. She smiled softly as she saw you and Zuko tucked up into bed. She didn't want to disturb you both so she just whispered good night, and gently closed the door. She always knew you and Zuko shared a life long bond.

      If only she could see you now...

~~~

You hadn't mean to sleep in... It just sort of happened. It was probably a sign though; you needed the rest, and you had finally let the weight of everything sink in. The reality of your situation was finally settling in, and despite the conflict you had initially faced, you were here. Alive. And, for now well.

     You'd were finally drawn from your sleep from a commotion. Voices.

     Your ears practically pricked up at the sound of footsteps. Were Aang and Zuko finally back? Your question was answered when Zuko stepped into the door frame. You chucked your bed sheets off and ran to him. It was him this time that brought you in for a hug.

     "You were gone so long."

     "I know, I'm sorry," Zuko murmured.

     "I hope this means you found something there," you say, breaking contact with him, "And, that you're a fire bending master again?"

      "You could say that. Let's just say the dragons aren't as extinct as we thought."

      "Good, because I was getting worried I was going have to take up the role of the grumpy fire bender in the group," you teased.

      "Oh, so what role do you take?"

      "I'm obviously the fun fire bender," you smiled, "Who brings the life to the party."

      "Oh yeah, obviously."

      Little did you know, Zuko had been thinking of you all the time he had been gone. As he learned about the original source of fire bending, he couldn't help but think back to you. And, he took you into his heart. Once, he was driven by anger and the desire to catch the Avatar.

     That had changed: his motivations had changed. His very spirit had changed. He now wanted to save the world.

     And, protect you.

[harnessyourhoping]

hello love xx 5 15 32 for writing please xx

hi bb!! <3

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

okok my biggest one is that writing about something is always better after experiencing it, for ex living in a specific city or getting zooted. like my perspective on the latter changed so much after i'd actually done it (w my friends whose reactions have also been super inspiring lmao) & now i write it so much better. so now there are so many things i won't write about until i actually go through them bc i don't wanna cheapen/tarnish/dilute(?) the idea until i actually live through it so that it comes out as close to perfect as possible. (like by experiencing this Thing ill KNOW its intricacies and nuances and ill be able to write them with all the oomph they deserve) its so stupid but i literally won't do it

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

yeah!!! literally yes!! its not insightful margin notes its just ideas i remember/link to the writing but yes i do it. my books are well-loved and it SHOWS & i love ppl who have books like that bc its sort of like getting to poke at someone's thought process, like how they read and what spoke most to them and just how they exist in general (like someone who dog ears vs someone who bookmarks) etcetc i believe it says a lot ab someone's character. however i despise sticky notes bc they remind me of studying for ib bio&ib english. hard no from me. anything else tho is very <333 !!! (&and i love creased spines.) the only sign of wear on a book i don't like is when the sides of pages get all wonky(?) idk how to explain it but it looks like the book was put in a paper shredder for a second then taken out.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

from howl by allen ginsberg: who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull. discovered this one by watching gilmore girls lmao (literati my beloved) but anyway its important to me for two reasons: 1) im always thinking about the thin line between reverence and contempt for a work of art. like when does it cross from genius to psycho? when does the public stop respecting and admiring an artist's work and start to despise it instead? when does it stop being groundbreaking and become obscene? anyway that's my slightly skewed interpretation of this line & its v personal to me. 2) the academic world praises "revolutionary" discoveries but only when they're circles and fit into the idea of society as it is. anything that encourages ppl to think outside the box is immediately shut down which is so ick? idk if i explained this all correctly. anyway i love this line (this poem. i think it rewired my brain) & its one of the few bits of literature i actually have committed to my fish memory so

weird questions for writers