#as a way to express myself and yet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

8ubblemint · 2 years ago

Text

on this year i tried my best to change my ways and to keep working on myself but as the time goes i cannot stop to notice the fact that i may be repeating another cycle in which i must learn to embrace my solitude at the expense of not showing my authentic self to the world and at the same time i also experience a deep feeling of not belonging anywhere

and if i hear one more time "oh i thought you were intimidating/mean" or "i was scared to approach you/you look unaproachable" i'm going to scream from the top of my lungs :i'm trying so hard!!! no matter how warm i make myself to be it doesn't come off as much as i would like to so i get labeled as cold and bitchy and is literally not the case most of the time oh my god

#i'm tireddd of all these stupid things i thought it would be easier i kept thinking it would not be the same #and yeah i tried to be more vulnerable to be extra social extra friendly even a bit superficial #to adhere to the current beauty standards and be a quote unquote part of the norm thus not using fashion as much as i did in the past #as a way to express myself and yet #it still happens so i have no idea what to do and i'm scared and sick of it i just want to live my life in peace #and to maintain healthy happy long lasting relationships with people without having to give an arm or a leg for it to happen #it feels wrong to beg for external love after how far i've come to embrace myself and practice self love on the daily #anyway sorry for the long vent but it was needed to let it out.#sometimes i prefer the great sea of tumblr rather than a piece of paper to journal and do some shadow work tbh

0 notes

umblrspectrum · 6 months ago

Text

happy solvermas

#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas #quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on #v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene #implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship #and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever #im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it #but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months #i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now #been a long time since i've felt that #turns out the “stop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jist” approach wo #ks #something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas #it is taking. All of my restraint right now #to not be So Mean to all of you #You Don't Even Know #I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art #murder drones #murder drones uzi #uzi doorman #murder drones n #serial designation n #murder drones v #serial designation v #murder drones cyn #i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts #oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way #the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are

3K notes · View notes

catlover4536 · 2 years ago

Text

@carnivalcarrion Remember when I said I had something for you?

Yeah, me too.

#welcome home #barnaby b beagle #howdy pillar #welcome home au #kinda?#hey does yassified howdy count as an AU? idk but either way I'll tag it ahahha #my art #barnaby x howdy #laughingstock #spreading the laughingstock propaganda #bruh there are many mistakes and inconsistencies here BUT #I did this as a quick sketch thing to get an idea of how to draw howdy and barnaby as I haven't drawn them much otherwise yet #I've had this sitting in my art things for a few weeks trying to add dialouge to fit this #before I gave up and let their expressions talk for em #setting this early on before they confess #main concept for this idea came from that one sketch made with Barnaby burying himself in Howdy's chestfluff for stress relief #said to myself 'Why not have Howdy do that instead?' as equivalent exchange #bro let the impulsive thoughts take over for a second #I don't blame him bc the same thing happens with me and my cats #I say I won't pet em but then they are being to cute and such to resist for long #bet Howdy is trying to play it off in the last panel #I hope you like my humble gift CarnivalCarrion #as a multi-shipper you opened my eyes to this and popstar so ahehehwbbwbeb #also you have no idea how hard I panicked when I realized you already had a design for yassified howdy in his adjusted shopwear ahaha #the tie is out oh well #he needs to keep Some professionalism while letting all that chest fluff breath no?

635 notes · View notes

sysig · 7 months ago

Photo

Growing closer than expected (Patreon)

#Doodles #Pokemon #Kabu #Larry #Firebland #Silverstreakshipping #To the shock of no one this is Zarla's fault (lol)#Bad influence! Too inspiring! Stop this! I'm totally not culpable for Being Inspired for the [X]th time now definitely lol #I kept finding little ideas popping into my head with them and I mean if I've already doodled them Once I guess I could try a couple more #Learned them just well enough to keep finding things for them pft #Although I am surprised by just how easy I find Larry to Draw - not necessarily that I'm fully Confident in drawing him yet but like #There's very little struggle to the shapes I put down here and I'm fairly pleased with their configuration haha #Kabu on the other hand!! Why is he so hard to draw!!! What!! Like I know his clothes are complex but no his face!#He's got a really cute and difficult-to-draw face! Why! I cannot figure him out #It's probably the do with the shape and size of his head...his hair........ I really enjoy fluff and he's Kind of but Not Really fluffy??#And his white streaks aren't intuitive to me - but Larry's floofs are??? I don't know #The only thing I can figure it that I Kind Of draw Dexter the same way - Larry's streaks are like an exaggerated version of how I floof Dex #And then a suit is second nature by now but I've already talked about my difficulties with Kabu's clothes lol #Didn't stop me from putting him out front for this hug tho! It's cute... Kabu asking Larry to come play with him but Larry has stuff to do #May or may not have felt a little that way myself - made most of these doodles during Requestober haha so busy!#The brightly shining brilliant glow boyfriend setup-payoff returns ♥ He glows like a fire! Overwhelming!#I still really love that glow cutaway style around the low-bouncing flower haha - just don't draw there and it gives the impression! Fun :)#Hugs <3 Unsurprisingly been in the want of cute fluff and sweetness and hugs were very on the menu #It really is fun to think of Larry being just a Little weird about how much he feels for Kabu #Acting childish as that part of him hasn't had the chance to grow and mature! Stuck awkward and gangly in otherwise full development #Feelings so big and strong and immediate for the first time in too too long <3 Gotta express them all somehow #And ending off with a bit of silliness haha - was Kabu prompting him just to hear such an answer? Who knows ♪#Larry just too straightforward haha - why else would he do or say things unless he felt like it! Pfsh obviously #Haha

60 notes · View notes

kenmaiii · 1 year ago

Text

after two years i finally draw the favorite

#my art #still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone #for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil #for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #thistle #dunmeshi thistle #thistle dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig #i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer #u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore #i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good #while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it #i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow #like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else #tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm

151 notes · View notes

clumsypuppy · 10 months ago

Text

guy who only asks questions if they feel insightful enough to be worth asking and only hangs out if there is smth to do together <- deeply uncomfortable of the idea of wasting someones time

#yes i was constantly accused of not paying attention for asking questions i didnt know someone already asked why do you ask #maybe it does sound a little sad when i put it as 'i feel most comfortable when i feel like im not wasting the other persons time'#but its more like i want the other person to feel like im putting thought or at least care into it even if i dont express it very well #its weird feeling like im not giving back enough in the conversation but not knowing why or being confused by the idea #of someone who just likes to listen to me talk and not waiting for their turn to speak like i do like. arent you tired of it yet>?#how are you not thinking of ways to get out of this conversation yet??? it fascinates me bc ill never understand it #i like how we are now talking abt not letting yourself feel like a burden for asking for help and letting people help you #but i am on the other side of the spectrum where i want to feel needed when we hang out or else i wont know how to let u know me #yapping #diary #I hate feeling like this cuz it feels like im coming up with new and creative ways to defend myself instead of being myself

43 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 1 month ago

Text

.

#ok i am in a peaceful headspace because i entered this meeting in a zen state of mind and told myself that nothing could disturb my peace #but i must just relate what happened #me: it's such great news that higher-up leadership has greenlit this multi-year plan!#since they want to see the first stage implemented this next academic year i plan to get started on faculty recruitment & course developmen #redacted: [vague faraway expression] i had a great idea which is [long rambling description of a totally new program #that is totally disconnected with anything we've ever done before and would cost a gazillion dollars to implement]#me: that's... great. however i wonder if leadership will expect us to implement the plan they just approved #which we spent months developing and iterating with them #so let's keep thinking about that but i suggest we move forward with the things in the plan #R: now I haven't read the plan yet [VERBATIM QUOTE LMAO]#but i think the main problem with it is that you're always coming up with these new ideas. and then you never explain #how we're going to implement them or how much it'll cost or what it will take to make these things happen #me [breathing in for four - hold - out for four]: perhaps we can look at pages 14-17 together #where i have put together a detailed implementation plan with a timeline + estimated costs + commitments from partners #who will need to be involved #R: [staring at me with a look of poorly concealed dislike] ok..why don't you go work on revising this draft so we have an actual plan #me: this is the final plan. this is the plan that has been vetted and revised with your boss's feedback & officially greenlit by your boss #R: the real issue here is that you have all these new ideas... let me tell you about the amazing work i did on this back in 2011.#why don't you go back and look at that report and see if you can just use that to develop your plan #me: that report - which is two pages long and 14 years out of date - is already incorporated in this finalized plan.#i don't know how many ways i can say this. i can't revise the plan anymore because we are done revising it. it has been formally approved.#they are asking us to implement the first stage of it this fall #i have to move forward or we can't implement it this fall #because we won't have done any work. because we were revising a plan that is already finalized #LIKE WHAT IS HAPPENING #WHAT IS EVER HAPPENING

17 notes · View notes

taraxippos · 1 year ago

Text

I don't care about ""romance"" or """hurt and comfort""" where issues are (temporarily or otherwise) resolved via effusive declarations of love and devotion and praise I want to read more fucked up people fumbling their way through their best approximations of intimacy and human vulnerability like "What are you doing. Oh ew wtf are you crying? Are you good? Don't get snot on my shirt" etc but no one understand smy visions

#I have to do everything MYSELF #Genuinely I love writing about interpersonal dynamics between low empathy people with weird attachment styles it is probably my #key historical trend in OC dynamics and etc #Both with platonic friendship and/or romance it's very endearing to me. Love people who sincerely care about each #other and do it in ways that suck so fucking bad #The ways having low empathy and/or disordered personality can affect relationships when you genuinely care about someone but are #woefully unequipped to deal w/ some emotions and etc can be very interesting and something I wish I saw in Media more often #but unfortunately it's already hard enough to get people past step fucking one of 'low empathy and/or cluster b does not mean evil abuser'#Am not expressing myself very well rn I have a really bad headache and yet I hit the post button

38 notes · View notes

littleaipom · 3 months ago

Text

I just wanna say thanks

thanks for supporting my art with likes and tags and comments etc. i really appreciate it <3

#i dont have a mighty unstoppable unchanging fanbase or anything but seriously it means so much to me that others enjoy my art #idek who i'd be without my art..#sometimes i wonder if i only draw for the sake of getting attention. to.. communicate. i cant deny there is probably truth in that.#but is it so wrong to make something i enjoy and share it with others hoping that they will enjoy it too?#im being a touch dramatic but ive been at this for more years than i thought i would. looking back on it makes me think #and how i learned to prioritize drawing what i want to see. to value my ideas more.. to find new ways of expressing myself #looking back thru my art is like a diary of my life almost #its very personal and yet theres not much to do with it all other than post image online #having my social media presence at all makes me feel like.. if i never accomplish much then at least ill have this #ill be able to say that i made quite a few strangers smile. and thats not nothing #okay this tag section turned into a confession. ill cap it there.#postmadders

13 notes · View notes

lunarharp · 1 year ago

Text

wanted to adapt the google search results a gay woman got in a japanese drama "tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna" which is good btw.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #the most light and gentle version of flirting-like behaviour of all time - a mutual passing thing - a peaceful dance through the long years #a way to work you out.. a way to express something about myself. all these steps are leading up to that beautiful magic #that you read about once. but actually we've been making it all this time... many many steps to this wonderful recipe.#the only non-perfect & non-fated thing about them is that oru is gay but (imo) qif could easily be transfem at any time. don't test him #oru being a woman wouldnt change anything for qif but oru is gay as hell.. However if qif was a woman then it'd be fine anyway no doubt.#oru would give in his membership to the Gay Men's Picnic Club group he goes to and embark on this life instead..many such cases #also i was typing “am i gay” into google when drawing tsukutabe fanart to check what google looks like #and “am i depressed” was the autofill for “am i”. qif's life is like: maybe he would have looked up something like oru did #but he got a bit distracted and started reading about cptsd instead which seemed more pertinent. sometimes childhood goes this way <3 #anyway Tsukuritabe..Kinou nani tabeta...And witch hat kitchen.... the trio of gentle silly 30+ gay couple situations..ohh..#orufrey are the combo of those. like tsukutabe they aren't together yet. like kinou nani tabeta they are a long-term couple. beautiful #i will never let go of them. drawing this has cheered me up. they are with me

81 notes · View notes

chaosspelledwrong · 2 months ago

Text

You ever post something that you were already kinda disliking and then start hating it a little bit after it's posted

#fuuuuccckkkkkk my brain makes me cringe at every expression of my own interests that arent already known by my “audience”#or whatever the fuck my following hi by the way #excuse me while i bury myself in a hole filled with iterator designs i HAVENT POSTED YET and DISLIKE or just straight up HAVENT MADE YET #i need to let up on myself a little fr i say this is MY blog and i DO WHAT I WANT i say as i tremble and shake with fear of being observed #yapping

5 notes · View notes

sysig · 2 years ago

Note

for requestober !! can i ask for a crossover of vargas and tsp ? something like , stanley being edgar and scriabin being the narrator:3

Day 1 - Destruction

#My art #Requestober #Vargas #Scriabin #Edgar #The Stanley Parable #Watch out - I'm doing cool stuff with transparency again #And this time it actually presents cleanly on the dash hells yeah >:3c #Quick first thing that stands out to you about style stuff!#I've been feeling gums lately teeth and gums but especially gums #They are good for big expression work and they are also weird :)#I'm not used to it yet! But I think I like it! In like a mixed way lol #Very good for expression work I just fjdksalfjd they are very strange #Anyhow!#Been a while since I dipped into the Vargas/TSP well :3c #I decided to go with one of the tag-dialogue I had set aside for myself in the original doodle post haha #It's a good bit of dialogue ♪ Definitely one of my favourites it rides around in my head rent free #Just leaving it as their void untouched with such an emphasis on how wrecked the place is tho #That wouldn't do would it ♪#What did you do Edgar?#Went and found a beasty who tore the walls apart haha #Either that or Scriabin did it and he's blaming Edgar - standard fare #It feels so odd! So strange to be drawing them digitally again!#I mean I've been drawing them traditionally all this time so that's not strange #And really it hasn't been That long since I drew them digitally it just feels like it #I'll just have to get back into the swing of it haha #A good start to the season :) Thank you! :D

159 notes · View notes

camgoloud · 1 year ago

Text

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting

29 notes · View notes

willgrahams-dog · 5 months ago

Text

transfem will graham……. listen to me… she still has stubble and she still smells of motor oil and wet dog but she’s Happy now. you don’t GET IT

#i am a known transmasc will enjoyer #fucking named myself after him #but thematically transfem will just works so much better #especially if she’s paired with a transmasc hannibal #because hannibal has already had his Becoming #he is fully fledged #but will hasn’t Become yet #he struggles to accept himself and represses massive parts of himself #parts thst hannibal helps bring out #transition is an obvious solution to will’s stagnance and suchhhh a cathartic end to her Becoming #also #i can imGine will’s father being extremely hostile to any expression of femininity #and thst being a fsctor in her repression #AND #many of will’s connections in the series are with women #abigail hobbs. georgia madchen. alana bloom to name a few examples #and one could argue that there’s some projection going on there. if one was whimsical about it #and her name would not be willow by the way idgaf #she named her boat after the fucking battle of nola #she would pick something obscure and pretentious #will growls #hannibal #trans will graham #transfem will graham

13 notes · View notes

queenlua · 1 year ago

Text

#i was pondering to myself the other day:#i KNOW a bunch of you ppl following me have STRONG LITERARY OPINIONS #and yet so rarely do you come into my replies to STRONGLY EXPRESS THEM #and i was like hmmm how can i get nerds having emotions at me more often #and then i saw Ms. Didion come up today and.#i legit have no idea how far the distance is between The Zeitgeist Opinion of her vs the Snobby Prole Opinion of her #like the way everyone talks about her shit is just mysterious to me???#so tada. a poll. let's find out everyone's buried opinions #if this acheives its goals i might make this a series. one literary luminary a week. or something.#(i am aware i'm posting this at 11pm on a friday like a nerd whatEVER i'll just reblog at a normal time tomorrow)

17 notes · View notes

styxxsyringe · 2 years ago

Text

every art critic, teacher or tutorial maker who tells you that your character designs must be conventionally attractive or appealing is a big fat liar

91 notes · View notes