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francisofthespook · 6 months ago

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Closer

Oneshot

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary: After a long journey, you and the group have finally settled down at Alexandria. You decide to throw a little party after you found a Nine Inch Nails CD while on a run. You spend most of the party waiting for your favorite archer to arrive. By the time he does, your favorite song is playing...

Setting: Alexandria, pre-saviors

Warnings: Suggestive content/Drinking/Descriptions of being drunk/I don't really know what to put here I've never done warnings before so if I'm missing something please let me know !

Word count: 4,433

Author's Note: Hi ok so this is the first time I've written like this in literally so long, the last time I remember writing fanfic or oneshots was when I was deep in the 1D fandom in like 2013 and it was dogshit. So please be patient with me while I figure this out again. If there are any errors or I do anything wrong, kindly let me know and I will fix it. I love you all, I have been inspired by so many of you great writers on here and it has renewed my love for writing <3 (especially you @thevegandarkelf <333)

(ps divider and gif made by me:) )

((pps if the gif or dividers act weird lmk because I've never made them before))

OK HERE IT IS !!

Parties. If someone were to ask you what you missed the most since the dead started rising, you would say parties. (Or maybe your Juul, but there were good enough replacements for that…) You had been in your first year of college when the fall happened, far from your family and in a city you didn’t know that well. But you were lucky enough to have been out of the inner city when things started to fall apart. Even though you had a good distance between you and downtown, you were still not shielded from the chaos that ensued when the dead began attacking. You had been out working on an assignment for your environmental studies class by a quarry when the cell towers went down. Since you had most of your stuff on you, you decided to stay put until you got reception again. (ha.)

It wasn't too long after, that a small group began forming at the quarry. And there, you met your new family. It hadn’t been easy, far far from it actually, but you guys survived. You took it day by day, but you survived. You weren't particularly skilled in survival, but your group was, and you had picked up little things along the way that crafted you into the person you were now.

Your group had set up several camps along the way, but none of them lasted long enough to get too comfortable. So when you finally landed at Alexandria, the hesitancy was looming for a while. For the first few days, everyone slept in one house, despite being offered each a place of your own. To be honest, you loved sharing a house with everyone. Not just because of the safety it made you feel, but also because it just meant getting to stay close to a certain archer that you had grown fond of.

Daryl was… hard to read. He was quiet and stoic most of the time, but around you he got a little softer. You knew he liked you, but you weren't sure if he like liked you, like you did. But in fear of ruining the friendship you had worked so hard to build, you kept quiet and substituted flirting with friendly gestures. Letting him know that you cared, but not that you cared cared. Sure, there had been many times when it felt like all the cues were lined up and you could just lean over and kiss him, but you knew him well enough to know that even if he maybe felt the same way, his emotions would overwhelm him and he would probably run. So you played it safe. A good rule of thumb, especially in this world.

However, after a while, your group slowly started to let their guard down. They accepted that Alexandria could be what you all had been looking for. You started to get just a little bit comfortable. You could tell this shift in the group's demeanor frustrated Daryl. He wouldn't allow himself to let his guard down and he thought you all were mad for beginning to trust this place given your past experiences. But you didn't care, you were just relieved to finally be able to get a good night's sleep without having to worry about the dead stumbling upon you while you weren't conscious.

When Deanna threw the first party, you were sold. It was a quaint gathering of everyone in the community, nothing like the ragers you knew from high school and college, but it gave you hope. Hope that there was still a chance to get back to where you were, or at least close to it. You had begun to feel less and less human every day that you were on the road. But being here with a drink in your hand and a skirt on for the first time in god knows how long, you started to feel human again.

When you found the CD on the run, Daryl had scoffed and told you to put it back. “There's nothing wrong with bringing back something fun” you had told him. “Yeah well fun's not gonna keep us alive now ain't it?” he replied. Maybe he hadn't meant for it to sound so harsh, but it hurt just a bit. You had frowned and looked down at your shoes, feeling deflated with guilt. “I know we need to survive, but we also need to still feel like humans.” you sighed and looked back up at him. At seeing your expression, his own softened. “When we were out there on the road, I forgot what that felt like. It may just be a stupid CD, but it reminds me what we're fighting for.” He didn't say anything after that. Just gave you a small smile, a nod, and squeezed your shoulder while he walked past you to continue gathering items from the shelves.

You had been planning it for weeks, and it had finally come to fruition. You invited everyone from your group and some of the Alexandrians that you had gotten to know over the past few weeks. It definitely wasn’t a frat party like the ones you used to know, but it was close enough. The CD you had found a while back was blaring through the house as you filled up another cup of your DIY ‘jungle juice’. Admittedly, Nine Inch Nails were never your favorite band, but you remember how their album ‘The Downward Spiral’ used to spin on your record player while you absentmindedly did chores around your college apartment. Human, you remember how it made you feel human. Though you obviously never acknowledged that feeling at the time.

It was definitely funny to see everyone's reaction to the music when you had put the CD in the player. For some reason, the group had formed a collective opinion of what you were like before the fall that did not include ‘listens to rock’. But like the others, being given a safe place to stay allowed your true personality to shine through as the stability and comfortability grew, bringing you one step closer to the girl you used to be. As the drinks kept flowing, the attendees became more agreeable to the music. (Plus it was the only CD you had, so it would have to work whether they liked it or not.)

The party went on, and you found yourself discreetly scanning the crowd for your favorite archer, but were disappointed when you were met with his absence. Of course, you knew that something like this was extremely out of his wheelhouse, but still, you were sad to see he had yet to show up.

“So, don't feel like you have to… but I’m having a party this weekend, and I would really like it if you came.” You turned your head to look at him and gauge his reaction. “A party?” He scoffed and looked back down at the squirrel he was gutting on your porch steps. “Dun think that's really my scene." He grunted. "Plus, got more important things t’do.” You looked back out at the street in front of you and nodded your head. Trying to hide your disappointment and biting your lip. “I figured.” You replied. “But still,” You looked back at him again, “it would mean a lot to me if you came.” You gave him a small smile when he met your eyes. His expression softened, like it often did when he looked at you. An annoying habit he couldn't seem to shake off. He would never admit it, but he had grown an achingly large soft spot for you over the years, you were his reason to keep going, keep fighting, you were his Achilles heel.

He had a hard time understanding his feelings towards you. He knew he liked you, you were his friend. But if he had only ever acknowledged you as a friend, then why did his heart speed up just a bit when you looked into his eyes? Why did he feel a fluttering in his stomach when you gave him a big toothy grin after finally catching a deer you had been tracking? Why did his shoulder feel like it had been brushed by a flame whenever he shouldered past you? He didn't want to think about it. Stuff like that didn't matter given the state of the world. Or did it?

“I'll see if I can make it” He finally mumbled. Not wanting to let you know that you had won him over, or the effect that you had on him. “Really?!” you squealed, your eyebrows shooting up your forehead and a huge smile on your face. “Dun push it.” He grumbled as he shifted his focus back to the squirrel. But as he turned his head, he made sure his hair fell in front of his face to hide the small smile that was forcing its way out. “Okay! I'll see you Friday then.” you beamed as you got up, using his shoulder to help yourself stand. There was that fire again.

As ‘March of the Pigs’ began playing, you had given up on waiting for him. Throwing back another shot of whatever you could find in front of you and swaying to the music as you re-entered the dancing crowd. It was a little silly to see everyone acting so loosely, never in a million years would you have guessed that the Rick Grimes could actually somewhat dance, it was amusing nonetheless. You made your way towards him and Glenn on the makeshift dancefloor and started moving along with them.

“This is the best party I’ve been to in years!” Glenn shouted to you over the music. Rick chuckled and took another sip from his cup before pointing out, “It's the only party you’ve been to in years” You laughed and threw your head back, the alcohol making everything funnier than it should be. You reached for Rick's shoulder to steady yourself as your laughing died down. You felt warm and tingly, your head light, your smile so big it was making your cheeks sore. You felt human. Your expression shifted as you watched the two boys focus on the front door closing. You turned your head to see what they were looking at, but the alcohol made you dizzy from your movements and you further leaned into Rick for support, your drink sloshing in your cup as you spun. “What?” you slurred to them. Rick locked eyes with you again. “Daryl’s here.”

A sobering shot of butterflies ran through you and you tried to hide your excitement before Rick and Glenn could see it, but it was too late. “Told you it was Daryl, man! You owe me five bucks.” Glenn laughed and pointed to Rick. “Okay, okay,” Rick chuckled and raised his hands in surrender. “When the war on the dead is over and society goes back to normal, I will be sure to give you five dollars.” He replied as he rolled his eyes. You looked between the two of them, “Five doll- what? What are you talking about?” You sputtered out. Glenn put his hand on your shoulder and leaned down close to you while whispering as quietly as he could given the state of the music, “It was just a little bit obvious that you were waiting for someone to show up” he said, holding up his fingers in a pinching motion.

Your eyes grew wide with surprise and a little embarrassment as he pulled away. “What?! No, I was not! What’re you talking about?!” Glenn straightened back up and gave you a smirk. “You're not as discrete as you think you are” You felt the already present heat in your cheeks grow even hotter. “I was betting on it being Spencer but I guess I was wrong.” Rick shrugged and you looked at him in horror. “What? Spencer?! God no!” “So you were waiting for Daryl then, right?” You looked back at Glenn, shooting him a warning look. He held his hands up in surrender “Hey man, I'm just calling it as I see it. Not my fault you've had a blaring crush on him since the farm.” You covered your face with your forearm in embarrassment and the movement made a droplet of your drink fall to the ground. “Oh my god, is it really that obvious?” You dragged your arm down your face before looking back up at the two. They looked at each other before focusing back on you and giving small, smug nods.

“But hey, look on the bright side. One, I don't think he's noticed. And two, it's obvious he feels the same way.” Rick gave you a sly grin and a pat on the back. You removed your hand from his shoulder and shook your head. “You guys are making me so self-conscious now” You chuckled to yourself before hiding your face again. Glenn gave you a reassuring smile and said, “Go, talk to him. He obviously came because you asked him to. If it were anyone else he would have walked away before they could get the full invite out.”

You groaned and took a deep breath before addressing the boys again. “Okay, fine. But when it's made obvious that he does not like me, and just came out of pity, then you both owe me five dollars.” You pointed your finger at them and they laughed before nodding and giving you a thumbs up as you backed away and chugged the rest of your drink.

You approached Daryl as your favorite Nine Inch Nails song started playing. The swirling bassline of ‘Closer’ making you feel light in the head again. Or was it the sight of him standing there, basking in the soft glow of the lamp from the entry hall? He looked uncomfortable, shifting his weight between his feet and looking around like he didn't know where to stand. You grabbed another cup from the table as you walked past it and towards him. Trying to play it cool, you sauntered up to him until you were standing right in front of him. You were close, definitely too close, but the alcohol had messed up your depth perception and you totally didn't mean to land that close to him. Yeah, definitely the alcohol…

“Well hello stranger, didn't expect to see you here” You sung out as you handed him the cup. Was that too much? Oh god, that was too much. Gotta take it down a notch. You looked down and shuffled backward a bit so you weren't encroaching on his personal space. His discomfort seemed to dissolve as he looked at you. His shoulders visibly relaxing a bit and a small grin spread on his face. “I told ya I'd come.” He replied, stifling a small laugh. “You told me you'll see if you can make it, which is ‘Daryl code’ for ‘I definitely won't be there but I don't want to tell you no to your face’ ” You pointed towards him but you miscalculated the distance again and landed your finger in the middle of his chest. Yeah, totally the alcohol, definitely not the magnetizing pull you feel toward him every time you are in the same room. Whatever.

You worried for a split second that your poor attempt at flirting had come across as an insult, but were quickly relieved at the sound of his small laugh once again. God, that laugh made you feel like you had drank all the liquor in this house. It made you feel buzzy and your whole body shuddered at the feeling. “If it were anyone else yeah, but I'd never stand ya up.” You made eye contact with him as he smiled at you and suddenly the room was empty, and it was just you two staring into each other's souls.

Nothing else around you registered in your mind as you stared into his blue eyes and drowned out all the background noise. You leaned closer and muttered as sultry as you could, “Well I guess I must be pretty important then, huh?” You tried, but it came out with a hint of a slur. Maybe it was the drink he had begun sipping on, or maybe the fact that the music was loud enough that no one could hear him, or maybe it was because everyone else was already tipsy enough that they were paying you no attention, but a small wave of confidence visibly came over him as he leaned into your ear and whispered, “I guess you could say that.” He lingered by your ear for a minute before pulling back and locking eyes with you again.

You weren't sure how to react. Your body felt like it was on fire, the root of it at your ear where he had just been, still feeling the breath of his words like a ghost against your head. You tried to play it cool. You stepped back while outstretching your hand to him, “Come dance with me, this is my favorite song.” You flashed him a smile and he scoffed and took another sip of his drink. “I dun dance.” He shook his head. “Maybe not in general, but tonight you do.” You tried to counter, but he just shook his head again while smiling. “Ya go on and dance to yer song. I'll be here when yer done.” You rolled your eyes but started to move back towards an even tipsier Glenn and Rick.

You let me violate you

You let me desecrate you

“Who is this again?” Rick asked as you approached them. “Nine Inch Nails.” You replied, taking a sip from the new cup you had grabbed on your way back over. “Pretty raunchy, not somethin’ I would’ve listened to.” He responded. “Well judging by the way you've been dancing I wouldn't say you hate it.” You scoffed. “So? How’d it go?” Glenn cut in. “Mmm” you bit your lip, unsure if you should confide in them the heated moment you just experienced.

You let me penetrate you

You let me complicate you

“He said he wouldn't have come if it were anyone else's party. So I guess that's a good thing…” You said, sounding unsure of yourself. You didn't want to overthink anything, you were worried that you were just making up his attraction to you in your head. You were trying to save yourself from the embarrassment if it did end up being something you misread. “Good thing? That's a great thing!” Glenn countered. “Is he not coming over?” He questioned, looking around to see Daryl still leaning against the wall by the front door, sipping on his drink. “Nah, I told him to come dance with me, this is my favorite song on this album, but he told me to go dance and he would be there when I came back.” You replied, trying not to sound too disappointed.

(Help me) I broke apart my insides

(Help me) I’ve got no soul to sell

“Well then let him be a party pooper. We’ll dance with you.” Rick gave you a smile as the three of you continued to sip on your drinks while swaying to the music. You glanced over your shoulder briefly to check on Daryl and found him staring directly at you. He looked almost… jealous? Well if he was, then it was his own fault for staying over there instead of coming to dance with you. But why would he be jealous? You were suddenly struck with a devious idea that sober you would never have executed. You started singing along to the lyrics, you knew what was coming next, and your stroke of boldness had taken over your brain. You angled your body and turned your head back towards Daryl, trying to make it look as natural and inconspicuous as possible, and began mouthing the lyrics at him.

Help me, the only thing that works for me

If you weren't sure before, you were sure now. As you began mouthing the lyrics while dancing closely to Rick and Glenn, Daryl's stare became more intense, more purposeful. He was jealous. You took that as an advantage and shifted your attention back to the two boys in front of you. This time you threw your head back at an angle while mouthing the next line, trying desperately to get Daryl to see you, but also trying to make sure it didn't look like you were doing it on purpose.

Help me get away from myself

As the line rang through the small house, you made a split decision to make a bold move. As you sang the next line out, you turned your head once again and looked him directly in the eyes. His were already locked onto yours, and you stared him down as you sang,

I wanna fuck you like an animal

You swayed and moved your hips to the beat, the skirt you were wearing rising up ever so slightly over your thighs as you did a subtle squat as you swayed. You looked back toward your dancing buddies again, hoping they hadn't noticed what you were doing, but they were oblivious. In their own little words dancing along to the music and the flow of liquor through their veins.

I wanna feel you from the inside

The music continued to bounce through the air, the room had become hot and humid, adding to the tension you felt towards Daryl. A small bead of sweat rolled down your back as you continued moving your hips to the beat.

I wanna fuck you like an animal

You felt a sudden ignition of a flame against your hips as two large hands began to sneak around them from behind. For just a second, you froze in fear, before your nose picked up the all too familiar notes of him, this time with a hint of liquor. You didn't look back, you didn't acknowledge him, you just kept dancing. Ever so slightly grinding up against him as he stood stiff behind you. Rick and Glenn, still oblivious to what was going down right in front of them.

My whole existence is flawed

You ran your hands up through your hair, your cup had been lost at some point but that was beyond your thought parameters right now. You slowly arched your head backward and leaned into him. Almost by instinct, like some primal urge that existed within him and had been lying dormant for years, he leaned his head down into your neck and breathed you in. You slightly craned your neck to the side to make space for him. A combustion of nerves spread like wildfire throughout your entire body. The space on your neck where his breath was hitting felt white hot, numb, and electric all at the same time. You felt like you were being born again, it took everything in you not to let out a small moan right there. The overwhelming feeling of him being on you took over and as the next line played out, you angled your head up just enough so that your mouth was at his ear and whispered to him the next line,

You get me closer to god

He grunted and pulled you closer into him. Bringing your arms down from holding your hair up, you placed them over his hands that were gripping your hips. His breathing was a constant flow against your neck as you continued to subtly dance up against him, causing droplets of condensation form on your skin. The whole room was spinning now, but not from the alcohol. No, his touch had sobered you up from that, but now you were drunk off him. You spun around to face him and put your arms around his neck as he adjusted to wrap his around your waist.

“Hi,” you whispered with a sickening grin on your face, eyes locked directly into his and your faces so close, your noses almost brushed against each other's. “Hey,” He whispered back, obviously fighting off a grin. “So you do dance then?” You challenged, hoping that you wouldn't scare him off by being a little more direct. “I guess for ya I do” He murmured. You took this a green light to push a little further. Looking off to the side while you feigned innocence you said, “Well I wonder what else you can do for me that you wouldn't do for anyone else…” That was it. That was as far as you could push it, you had thrown the ball into his court and it was his turn now to take the reins and show it, if he did have any interest in you that is.

He was taken aback a bit by your remark, but he quickly shook off the surprise. He looked into your eyes, searching for the sign that you wanted this as badly as he did. He thought he saw it, but he wasn't sure if he was just blinded by his own attraction and deflecting it onto you. But in the millisecond that his mind ran through all the possibilities of disaster that could come from misinterpreting your interactions, he decided to take a chance. He bit his lip before he slowly leaned into you yet again, brought his lips to your ear, and whispered, “I can show ya if ya want.”

Your veins filled with ice, your heart stopped beating, the butterflies in your stomach turned into wasps, buzzing around rapidly and stinging your insides with desire. He pulled back and looked at you. As hard as you tried, you couldn't close your mouth as it hung slightly agape. He did feel the same way. He did want you as badly as you wanted him. Your mouth formed into a smile with your eyes half-lidded, weighted down from the lust you felt towards him. “Okay,” you spoke, barely audible.

Moving your hands down to his, you wrapped your small ones around his large ones and pulled them off of your hips. You slowly turned around, looking back at Glenn and Rick one more time before you began, as discreetly as possible, pulling Daryl towards the stairs that lead up to your room. He froze for a second, and you looked back at him. He hadn't really meant ‘right now’ when he said that, but he was filled with butterflies as he accepted that you definitely meant ‘right now’ and he let you pull him behind you and up the stairs.

When you reached the last step, you glanced out at the partygoers, making sure that everyone was occupied and hopefully wouldn't notice your and Daryl’s absence for a little bit. As you scanned the crowd you locked eyes with Rick and Glenn who were holding back smug looks. You threw them a middle finger before taking the last step and guiding Daryl into your room, closing and locking the door behind you. Hopefully, the music was loud enough that no one would hear you…

okay there it is, plus the song that inspired it ! pls be nice :)

#daryl dixon #twd daryl #daryl #twd daryl dixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon one shot #daryl x reader #Spotify

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1dcommunityficrecs · 6 months ago

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Rec List: New Authors!

Welcome to 2025! And as we say goodbye to 2024, this list is taking a moment to shout out new authors who ventured into 1D fic this year -- welcome aboard. It's truly amazing to me that 15 years since the band was formed, and 9 years since they as a group put out new music or performed together, new people are still joining the fold -- or dipping their toes into writing and posting fic, after hanging out in other spaces for a time. I'm sure plenty of people are joining via the solo music, but it still warms my heart to see this community that has meant so much to me continuing to grow and flourish. New fans are just as valid as old fans, and are absolutely essential for a healthy fandom ecosystem.

So with that said, here are 9 fics from people who started posting for the 1D fandom in 2024. And some of these writers have been incredibly prolific -- two of the fics listed are over 100k, and one of the authors has sixteen 1D fics already! Here's hoping we see more from them in 2025 and beyond -- please join me in giving them a warm welcome to the community!

Notorious by violetlilachyacinth (64021, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: period-typical homophobia, implied/referenced rape/non-con

1946. WWII has just ended, but there's still work to be done. To help bring Nazis to justice, U.S. government agent Harry Styles receives a new assignment: recruit Louis Tomlinson, the American son of a convicted German war criminal, as a spy. Neither knows the full extent of the task they're asked to complete nor the full impact they will have upon each other. The stakes are quite high.

Reccer says: This fic blew me away! It's an adaptation of a film, and I can imagine how much work the author did to make it their own. Harry and Louis' connection leapt off the page. And no spoilers, but I loved the ending.

freaky friday by tracksuitponytail (1700, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post Warnings: dubious consent due to body swap

It’s Friday the 13th—a day like any other for Louis until he wakes up in the middle of the night... in his best friend's body.

Reccer says: SO well written! I enjoyed it so much, and it really cheered me up on Thanksgiving

Coffee and Confessions by Vyshv (676, General, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles)

A cozy coffee shop in New York City, with the warm aroma of roasted beans and the soft hum of chatter, two lost friends find each other.

Reccer says: This fic so so soft and lovely! I love the feelings it evoked

Hazelnut by BlackRose_Lilly28 (100, Not Rated, None)

Another drabble based on a twitter prompt. This time: "Hazelnut."

Reccer says: Fun to read, and very sweet!

here for the thrill by worldsofdreamers (3357, Explicit, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik)

niall wore a cowboy hat and he was just saving a horse

Reccer says: we needed a fic of niall in his lil cowboy hat and this fic DELIVERS. always love fics from this author. they’re very good writer and they are a good go to if you’re in need of a ziall fic.

All in the Golden Afternoon by leighllbealright (126028, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

When Louis Tomlinson needed to find a new preschool for his daughter, he wasn't expecting the one across the street to be everything he and Goldie ever needed. Or: the one where Louis is closed off, Harry is the weirdest person ever, and Gemma may as well be a psychic. Somehow, calico-cat-style, they forge a beautiful family from pieces that don't quite fit.

Reccer says: This series is one of my top 10 from 2024. Brilliant characters, gorgeous writing, Harry’s sweaty elbow-pits, everyone is a flower, naked treehouses and more.

Whole Lot of History by Blue_Green28 (73592, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

With 3 children coming out of their twelve years long marriage Harry and Louis are essential parts of each other's lives even though they have moved on with new partners since their divorce ten years ago. Or have they?

Reccer says: Exes to Lovers, Miscommunication, mpreg

everything of mine is yours by blueskiesrry (33000, Explicit, Harry Styles/ Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

With Harry in New York finishing up his PhD and Louis in London working as a solicitor, they try to navigate their eight year situationship including almost-daily phone calls, the occasional indulgence of casual phone sex, and endless gossip sessions as the feelings they have for each other get harder to ignore.

Reccer says: The scene where Louis reads a Lincoln biography out loud to H in the bath? Swoonworthy!

The Handbasket Diaries by Hazel_tea_dreams (160326, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

London’s expensive and work’s a grind but everything is a little better when you have good mates who understand you. The narrow brick flat building in Brixton, home to Louis, Liam, and Zayn and affectionately referred to as The Handbasket, is more than a place to catch winks and reheat leftovers. When Harry stumbles into its midst (and Louis' lap) with flatmate Niall in tow on a particularly hot Pride weekend, none of the five of them will be fully prepared for the shenanigans, tomfoolery, true friendship, or steamy romance that will unfold over the year.

Reccer says: This was so fucking lovely. I binged it in two days—only put it down to scream about it on Bluesky (and sleep and like, essential stuff). The writing is witty and tender and, apparently, communication kink is my jam. This is the only fic (in recent memory) that I finished and then wanted to restart immediately.

#rec list #category 23 #new authors #one direction #zayn malik #liam payne #niall horan #harry styles #louis tomlinson #1dficvillage #1d rare pairs #1dsource #hlficlibrary #hlcreators #tracksintheam #trackinghome #allwaswell16 #alwaysxlarrie #ficsfor4am

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itsnotcasual · 24 days ago

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you guys that keep assigning the marauders to one direction members have got it all wrong because you don’t know their hearts and their souls like i do!!! nobody asked me so im telling you my in-depth analysis anyways.

credentials:

i ran a larry account and still have zayn as my pfp. suck it.

i’m tired of you all leaving out louis so he’s going first as a very obvious sirius black. you keep assigning zayn because he’s gorgeous and wears a leather jacket but louis is literally right there pulling pranks, playing sports on the side, and having gay allegations thrown his way and you’re all just ignoring it and i’m SICK OF IT!!!!! NOT TO MENTION!!! HE IS ALSO GORGEOUS!!! AND ALSO CAN WEAR A LEATHER JACKET!!!!

liam is peter. you’re all blinded by the teddy bear nature of his face pre-surgery but if you even slightly kept up with them you’d know that he tried and failed to be as big as the other members on his own so he had to settle for talking shit about them on podcasts instead. and ykw!! liam was right when he said that he was supposed to be the front man, it was OBVIOUS (#whoremembers let niall sing) but it was even more obvious that a majority of people tuning into 1d were tuning in for harry, not liam. just like how peter was technically there first, best friend to james, but wasn’t the one people cared as much about. also yes, he’s dead but i also was keeping up with his allegations and went through hell online defending them as a teen so i’ll say what i want!!! liam died and i mourned for my childhood but he also objectively sucked at being a friend to the boys after the band!! he is my peter!!! he betrayed them and we would have never gotten a reunion anyways PURELY because of him (zouis would have made up eventually i just know it)

zayn is remus. boo me all you want but it’s true. zayn plays yu-gi-oh, he’s artistic, he owns a farm and can’t name the chickens because he’s afraid of getting attached. people who bought into the Bradford Bad Boy marketing tactic OPEN YOUR EYES!!! HE IS A NERD!!!!! HE IS A SOFTY!!!! HE HAS SOCIAL ANXIETY THAT HE OVERCOMES FOR HIS KID!!! he’s remus. i’ll accept no other answers.

niall is james! “but issitcasual-“ i don’t wanna hear it! niall gets away with fucking EVERYTHING!!! he caused a feud between ed sheeran and ellie goulding and came out of it completely unscathed. his biggest controversy is the japan incident and not seasoning his chicken. niall fans practically grew up in a stable household with 2 loving parents and its all because niall is a beloved creature of this earth. he can’t do wrong he’s a golden boy and so is james.

harry is the only one i could accept multiple answers for but they’re all still wrong answers because honestly??? i don’t think harry really knows himself yet or isn’t showing us that actual version of himself and is just relying on really good marketing (valid honestly the north remembers how you all treated underaged harry styles) some days he’s remus some days he’s sirius some days he’s james but most days to me he’s marlene. i think he struggles with his identity in a lot of ways that ive seen marlene portrayed, i think that he’s changed and grown a lot which is usually something i see done with marlene’s character (like after her trip in tcoptp). I think no matter if its sexuality or just fashion or personality that he has a lot of discovering to do still.

until then i’d also slightly accept harry as remus for wolfstar/larry purposes.

thanks for coming to my ted talk i have thought way too much about this

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larrydrabble · 6 days ago

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The 1D Summer Drabble Challenge is back for 2025!

Drabbles must be exactly 100 words. No more, no less.

Participants must be 18+

All pairings/groups that include at least one member or ot5 are allowed, any combo of f/m/nb is allowed.

No sign ups!

Prompts will not be assigned this round, but the overall theme is summer. For inspiration, check out this list.

Drabbles must be posted to the collection before they’re revealed at noon EDT Saturday, July 19, 2025.

Tag @larrydrabble in your fic post so mod can reblog — mod has a no-ai policy and will not share posts that contain ai.

Any questions? Just ask!

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dejwrld · 1 year ago

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⤷‧₊˚ oh no, yoruichi shihouin has another subordinate under her spell.

┊ •° ੈ ⋆° ┊ warning readers discretion is advised — black reader with descriptors, female anatomy described, her/she pronouns, usage of y/n, 2nd pov, reader is part of 2nd division, slight canon bleach verse, power dynamic, reader have a slight background because you truly can't write a x reader fic with a blank reader, finger sucking, top!yoruichi, nipple play, breasts play, clit play, usage of spit, tribbing/scissoring, bottom!reader, mdni

sticky note from deja — was listening to the best 1d member solo album and remembered that him & kehlani came out with this banger.

You had a crush. The crush in question is your superior. The head of the Shihouin clan. The captain of the 2nd Division. The commander in chief of Onmitsukidō. The Yoruichi Shihouin. This was bad—quite reckless if you were going to be honest with yourself and your delusions. Especially as a subordinate of hers. Merely a member of the Onmitsukidō and Division 2 who was still an outcast due to traveling rumors of favoritism due to how much and how long you’ve been by Yoruichi’s side since you joined. So long that you’ve developed a crush on Yoruichi that you didn’t even think felt right.

She was your captain. You weren’t even supposed to be looking at her in that manner. It wasn’t like nothing could ever happen between you two—that would break some rules, right? Were there even any rules about what you were mentally alluding to? Maybe. Did you care about these possible rules? No….Maybe. Having a crush on your captain can get complicated. It was a major distraction. How can you complete tasks that you were assigned if your mind keeps lingering off to think about the raven-haired woman?

“Your head has been in the clouds lately, can you keep up out there?” A voice interrupts your thoughts before you regain your composure.

When you glanced up from the paperwork you were assigned to do, you saw Soi Fon waltzing in to possibly see if you were working. She tended to do that since you joined Division 2. You would have thought that Yoruichi herself told her to do the micromanaging the young woman has done since you joined. However, you just saw it as Soi Fon wanting what’s best for Yoruichi. Which was having the most skilled and ambitious fighters at her side in the Onmitsukidō. You didn’t take offense to it because you mentally were admitting that in your head indeed had been in the clouds. But would you admit that to her? No.

“Of course,” You uttered as your eyes glanced up from your paperwork. “Can you?” Your lips coil into a grin seeing Soi Fon tip toe into the room.

Light as a feather, you would always describe the young woman because you never know when she’s walking behind it. It was amazing—quite imaginable if you asked yourself. You and Soi Fon’s relationship was odd. It wasn’t like it was bad blood between you two. You just can sense that she didn’t trust you. But they didn’t shock you, you did join Division 2 quite late and in complimentary of Yamamoto who was a good friend of Grandma’s. Hush rumors went around that your being here was merely a favor after your grandma didn’t know what else to do with you after the third marriage proposals went into one ear and out the other with you.

You can feel her presence as she sits in front of the chabudai watching you do paperwork. It was frankly the only thing you did despite knowing how to fight—really well, actually. Your pending crush on the captain did blossom from just seeing her out of the blue (that was possible and you oddly believed in love at first sight, okay?), it blossomed from the late-night training of catching you up with everyone else. Which you were extremely grateful for. However, no one knew about this. Not even Soi Fon. Sometimes when the woman would be her usual overbearing self, you wanted to gloat about the training you’ve had with the captain. Purposely knowing how much that would crawl under Soi Fon’s skin after her blunt comments that have been thrown jabbing at you constantly.

“Of course, I can.” She utters in disbelief that you would even question that. “It’s just odd, it’s as if you’ve popped up in thin air.” She hums slowly watching you write.

“It’s none of your business.” You added. “Don’t you have some task to do or something?”

“You’ve been here for hmm, three months now and have yet been assigned to-“

Your words were interrupted by the sound of the door of the room sliding open. Your eyes saw another member of Division 2 claiming that Yoruichi wanted to see you. She probably wanted the paperwork you were doing. You stood up collecting your things eyeing Soi Fon’s expression. Mentally taking a bite at how it changed at the sound of the captain’s name leaving someone’s lips. You didn’t even wish her farewell out of respect like usual, but instead made your way to Yoruichi’s chambers through the crisp night.

Your mind raced with thoughts of why she would want to talk to you. You stayed out of trouble and practically kept to yourself. You ensured paperwork was done thoroughly—even triple-check it on some days. But when you stepped through the doors, you were expecting to be scolded. However, the energy in the room felt calming. So instantly you relaxed. Your shoulders fell with ease and you found yourself unclenching your first anticipating the worst.

“I been meaning to talk to you all day, but have been swamped with other matters.” Yoruichi beckons for you to come further in and you did what you were told.

You haven’t been in her chambers before, so automatically this felt strange. As if it was tilting over the boundaries that you told yourself you would put up as your crush only blossomed more. But who were you to defy your captain, especially given that she has helped you tremendously?

“I have some news for you, but I’m not sure if it’s good or bad news.” She sighs as she plops down on the pillows.

You sat down on one of the floor pillows, your eyes immediately going to the paperwork that was on the small table.

“I didn’t want to pry that old man in Division 1 about you and being who I am, I had to do some digging.” Yoruichi’s lips form a straight line before she sips from her cup. “You’re one special young woman, Y/N.” She adds.

Then it hit you that the paperwork on the table was about you. From your bloodline to the mystery event that made your grandma send you away in the first place. You had a feeling that could come back to haunt you. You were considered a cursed child, rumors going around that it was due to your mother’s infidelity. You didn’t believe it until that night. The night you nearly killed a man you were originally betrothed to. You didn’t remember much from that night. It was as if you blacked out and when you finally came to your senses, you held a a knife to the man’s throat.

“Are you going to-”

“For you to even think that is insulting, to say the least.” Yoruichi’s fingers traced alongside the rim of the cup she was sipping on. Her eyes glance over your confused expression before speaking once more. “If you train hard enough, you can control whatever is that is inside of you. We have worked together and I know you can

Your faces were inches apart, you could smell the scent of her. It smelt comforting and intoxicating. Your mind was yelling at you to call it a night. That you should head off to bed early considering your tasks for Soi Fon in the morning. But the pulse in between your thighs said something completely different.

You lean forward, your elbows resting on the table. “I don’t think so, I nearly killed someone.”

“And that’s why you’ll be assisting Soi Fon, tomorrow.”

“Seriously? She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.” Yoruichi lets out a boastful laugh before leaning forward also. “She just doesn’t trust you.”

“And possibly jealous I’m stealing her time with you.” You uttered gaining a snicker from Yoruichi.

The two of you sat in silence before Yoruichi stated, “You’ll do fine. I’m sure of it. I have seen you train. When you’re in your element, you truly know what you’re doing.” She grins at you and your cheeks instantly heat.

The distance between you two was practically nonexistent and frankly, you wanted to delusionally admit that each passing second—you moved closer.

Kiss her, Y/N.

You did just that without thinking about the consequences. But that was just you, you made decisions without thinking about the consequences. It’s the reason why you were here in the first place. It was the reason why your grandmother sent you away from the family estate.

And she kissed back.

This was wrong, right? The taste of Yoruichi’s lips on yours was wrong. You shouldn’t have been able to taste the sake she previously was drinking. This was breaking the rules you made up in your head during your time being here. During your time training with her, you can play catch-up with the rest of her comrades. Her lips linger upon your elegant-shaped jawline, trailing harsh kisses while her fingers are undoing your attire. Ultimately you can stop her, you can stop all of this and head to your room to listen to the sound of crickets creating late-night tunes. But you didn’t. You enjoyed this—correction, you were longing for this. Perhaps just this moment would set you straight. Just this moment would have you pushing your jarring thoughts about the captain out of your mind now that you kissed her. Or maybe this can go truly wrong? You two can cross this boundary and it’ll never be the same.

You guess you’ll figure that out when you get there though.

Her hands cup at your exposed breast, fingers rolling your marbled nipples in between them gaining a moan from you. For once your previous complaints about how far Yoruichi’s chambers were from the rest weren’t there because you didn’t think no one would hear your quivering moans. Her lips trail down to your collarbone and back to your lips while she continuously rolls your brown-shaded hardened nipples between her fingers. Occasionally yanking at them to gain a yelp from you so she can let her tongue slither into your mouth. Her fingers that previously toyed with your nipples like they were stress balls travel down below your waist, fingers climbing into your panties that dampened at her previous motions. But before Yoruichi did anything else, she stopped.

She was perhaps having the same thoughts you were having. How inappropriate was this? How this shouldn’t be happening? How wrong was this? But as she broke the kiss, to stared at your exposed chest. Your breasts were fully exposed and you were thinking that maybe this is where you should stop this from happening, but Yoruichi’s words took you by shock.

“Take your clothes off,”

Her words didn’t come off as harsh, but they didn’t come off as soft either. Either or, you did what you were told, disrobing your uniform and tossing it to the side. The coolness of the night caused a chill to run over your body. Or it could have been Yoruichi’s gaze with her golden eyes. Felt like you were under strict supervision by a stealthy cat that didn’t want you to get away. You swallow the lump that forms in your throat before eventually, Yoruichi’s back upon you. Harsh kisses, spit being shared, and a throbbing clit that was playfully being toyed with. The captain was driving you insane as each minute went by. Your pussy throbbed for some form of action and when you anticipated that Yoruichi would finally cave and give you what you wanted, you were met with her edging you on.

She grabs you closer after prompting your leg upon her shoulder. The beaded anklet your grandma gave you years ago brushes against Yoruichi’s ear and even the sight of that had your cheeks heat in anticipation. Her fingers drag across your swollen lips, caressing them delicately like they were soft pillows. Her index and middle fingers found a place in your mouth. Your saliva coating her slender fingers that you wished were inside of you.

“Suck them.” She says, her voice is a sultry whisper.

You did what you were told. Sucking on her finger as if it was the best thing ever. Rings of saliva coating them without care before Yoruichi’s letting them toy with your pussy. Your body reacted immediately, slick coating the inside of your thighs as she’s letting her fingers rub at your clit in slow circles. Your toes curled in anticipation as you’re glancing down at the way her skilled fingers toyed with your clit. Your essence stained her fingers like a sin while you let out breathy whimpers to ensure how Yoruichi was making you feel.

“Look at how wet you are, kitten.” She teases, fingers rubbing teasing circles on your throbbing bud. Her index and middle fingers circle around your entrance and like a sex-deprived woman—you anticipated her to slide her slim fingers inside you (that’s what you wanted). But teasingly she’s back rubbing at your clit, getting enjoyment at the sight of you whither below her.

Yoruichi was well aware that you were about to cum. She can tell by the look of pure ecstasy on your face. Your eyebrows burrow together attractively and if Yoruichi concentrates hard enough, she can even see your eyes beginning to water. Greedily, Yoruichi slows down the pace of her fingers nipping at your clit. Each second she slows down her motions, she watches as your eyes light up in complete dread as your orgasm is tugged away from you instantly. She’s letting your leg drop from her shoulders without a care, leaving you a panting naked mess while she removes her clothes.

You thought to pitch yourself. Perhaps, you were sleeping, in some form of dream. But with each layer that was removed from your captain’s body causing you to gawk at her beauty—you realized that this was real. That you were about to have the privilege to see the head of the Shihouin clan bare, nude, naked…and your mind was spinning at the thought. Your heart was bouncing around your chest as quickly as it was beating. Even if the woman snatched your orgasm away as if it merely was a privilege, you felt yourself grow wet at the sight of her. Her toned physique made your mouth water. From the way her body curved elegantly without her trying. The perkiness of her breast to the dark shade of her areola.

In such a provocative position, your cheeks heat instantly as she’s positioned herself in between your legs. The warmth feeling of her clit on yours sent a chill down your spine. It did not cause fear to tremble your bones, but more so a chill that was pleasurable—completely enjoyable. You squirmed under her touch, yearning for some form of friction on your throbbing clit. Desperately bucking your hips impatiently.

“Settle down, kitten. I’ll give you what you want if you say please.” Her eyes stared down at you, wet clit kissing yours as she waited for you to beg.

“Please.” Your words came out like a plea for mercy.

And as promised, she gave you what you wanted. Hips rocking just to feel the pleasurable feeling of your clit on hers.

You wanted to question God, how could you be so lucky? How can you be so lucky to be able to utter Yoruichi’s name like a sweet bird tune while her clit rubbed against your own? How can you be so lucky to see the way her plush lips spread apart to let out a moan of satisfaction?

You didn’t mind how tight she was holding your thighs apart just so her clit can rub against yours even faster. The only thing you cared about at the moment was the fact that you had Yoruichi in between your thighs. The thoughts about how this was breaking some form of unwritten rule were pushed further to the back of your head as each rock of her hips and each pornographic sound of heated skin rubbed against each other. How can you even think about rules when she was talking to you like this?

“That feels good, kitten?” When she navigates her hips in a circular motion.

“Be a good girl and cum for me one time,” She’ll coo.

How can you think about rules when you were about to cum merely by her rubbing her clit on yours?

When you made eye contact with her, you felt your stomach engulfed in a feeling you hadn’t felt before. The force of your orgasm was piling up in the pit of your stomach, but that didn’t stop Yoruichi. Her clit still happily rubbing against yours without the fact that you were holding back an orgasm.

“Fuck.” The woman utters under her breath, this time her nails dug into your soft brown skin leaving a crescent moon mark. Her eyes shifted close before her rocking upon your clit grew a bit sloppy. A spasm of humps upon your clit like a cat in heat before she finally came undone.

Here that thought of privilege you felt returned. The mere sight of Yoruichi when she was coming down from an orgasm felt like a dream. It felt so unreal, but when your hands went to grasp her sweat-coated body, you knew that this happened. With one harsh rock of her hips and intense eye contact with you, you finally felt your legs tremble in ecstasy. Completing cuming together in tune like lovers who've known each other’s bodies for centuries before she’s plopping down next to you.

You had to transfer divisions, immediately.

Before this gets even more out of control. Or worse, you have one of your blacked-out episodes.

⤷‧₊˚ cuties that wanted to be tagged | @honeybleed @ayyy-pee @tojiscumdumpster @salaciousdoll @shamelesshoefairy @lunerenzo @antizenin @aizens-third-leg @strawhatsav @batmanslittlelover @hiiighforthiss @neesieiumz

#bleach x reader #bleach smut #yoruichi shihouin x reader #yoruichi shihouin smut #bleach x black reader #anime smut #female reader #black reader #female character x female reader #⊹˳⁺ ♡ 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝒻𝒾𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈

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stylesclarified · 3 months ago

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Louis Tomlinson “The Communist King” is a liar who exploits his fans—Part I

As promised, this post exists thanks to The Mayor of the Hags and her usual “Louis good, Harry bad” nonsense.

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with Louis himself—I dislike him, sure, but my real issue is with his fans. This blog is about providing receipts for a fairer fandom, not defending Harry Styles’ honor (god knows he doesn’t need me for that).

That said, The Mayor of the Hags isn’t pulling this out of thin air. Louis Tomlinson is a shady motherfucker and a liar, so let’s get into it.

INTRO

Before we start, a necessary clarification: Understanding someone’s upbringing and economic status in the UK requires knowing its class system—a deeply ingrained structure that goes beyond money.

Yes, Louis’ family was working class. That’s not up for debate. But so were the other four members of One Direction—the difference is, they weren’t marketed that way.

Initially, Louis wasn’t in control of that image either. 1D’s team assigned each member a persona, and his was the “working-class underdog.” His family history—his teen mom, absent dad, and their supposed struggles—was hammered into fans’ heads.

The 1D documentary reinforced this. His mom spoke about their hardships, Louis talked about sharing his wages, and his role as the eldest helping his siblings was a recurring theme. It wasn’t just mentioned—it was drilled in. And while it wasn’t false, it was exaggerated for a narrative.

And this branding wasn’t aimed at class-conscious Brits. Why? Two reasons:

1D’s fanbase was global, which meant most of them wouldn’t grasp UK class nuances.

1D’s fanbase was also mainly pre-teens, so even British fans—it’d mostly flow right by them.

What fans would understand is poverty. That’s what Louis’ branding tapped into.

All five 1D members came from working-class backgrounds. None were well-off. If they really wanted to highlight financial hardship within the group, the person that actually struggled was Zayn—but instead, they were too busy whitewashing him, erasing his Pakistani father, and branding him as “mysterious” to bother. Emphasizing his economic background would’ve clashed with that strategy.

THE REALITY

Louis’ mom, Johannah, was 18 when he was born, and his biological father, Troy Austin, left when Louis was just a baby—both true facts.

Being a teenage single mom can be tough financially, but what often gets overlooked is that Johannah met Mark Tomlinson soon after Troy left. Mark became a father figure to Louis, legally adopted him, and went on to have four more kids with Johannah.

Mark often shares old photos on his Instagram, like the ones below, showing how long he’s been in Louis’ life. In the first, Louis is blowing out four candles on Christmas Eve 1995. In the second, from December 1994, Mark captions it “Christmas past with Louis & Daddy.” These photos confirm Mark was already a father figure to Louis by the time he was two, spending Christmas together and calling himself “Daddy” before Louis turned three.

Louis had a present father who gave him his last name and was there throughout his childhood. Mark and Johannah married and stayed together until late 2010 or early 2011, by which point Louis was already in One Direction, meaning he grew up in a stable two-parent household.

His eldest sister, Lottie, was born in 1998, and his second sister, Félicité, in 2000—when Louis was six and eight years old, respectively.

Around this time, Johannah attended Leeds University and graduated with a degree in Midwifery in 2002. Leeds University confirmed this, featuring her in an alumni magazine alongside Ben Winston, who graduated two years later

For those unfamiliar with the UK education system, studying at Leeds University can be expensive and is considered one of the top universities in the country (though not quite at the level of Oxbridge). To put its prestige into perspective, it was good enough for the son of a Baron—Ben Winston. His father, Baron Robert Winston, has held a seat in the House of Lords since 1995.

The fact that Johannah was able to attend Leeds while raising three children—presumably on just Mark’s paycheck—suggests they were financially stable enough to support her education, their home, and their kids.

Mark worked as a commercial truck salesman, a well-paying role, especially since commercial trucks typically have higher profit margins than regular cars. After graduating, Johannah worked as a midwife at an NHS hospital, a job that also offers a solid income. By 2004, when Louis was 12, Johannah gave birth to twins, Daisy and Phoebe, who appeared as extras on an ITV show, Fat Friends. Johannah also worked as a chaperone on set, where she met James Corden.

Louis had a few TV roles as well, including an extra part in the film If I Had You and in the drama series Waterloo Road.

In the early 2000s, Johannah likely earned £18K–22K a year as a midwife, depending on her band, plus extra income from her chaperone work. Mark’s base salary would’ve been slightly above minimum wage, so around £15K, with commissions potentially doubling or even tripling that, bringing his total income to £30K–60K+.

Together, their combined income would have ranged from £50K to £82K+ annually.

For context, the median household income in Doncaster in 2024 was around £24K. In the 2000s, that figure was likely even lower, meaning the Tomlinsons' combined income would have easily doubled or even tripled the local average.

This was reflected in their lifestyle. The family regularly went on vacations, and Louis went to France every single year since he was born.

Sometimes twice a year…

Going to France every year, sometimes twice a year, for a big family of seven would be nearly impossible for a financially struggling family. While it's not super expensive for a British family to go to France, the frequency and size of the trips suggest the Tomlinsons were financially comfortable, not struggling.

In fact, Louis even taught Harry how to ski—though Harry was supposed to be “the posh one”... Skiing is definitely not a cheap hobby, further highlighting the Tomlinsons' financial stability.

Louis owned a Clio as a teenager, and his girlfriend at the time, Hannah, confirmed it on Twitter. Although her account has since been deleted, you can still find a link to the tweet.

For Americans, this might not seem that significant, but in the UK, it's much less common for teenagers—especially those from lower-income backgrounds—to own a car. In fact, a 2017 poll showed that only 55% of people aged 18-29 owned any car or motor vehicle (including bikes). And that’s up to age twenty-nine.

In the UK, you can't drive until you're 17. By 2012, only 10% of 17-year-olds had a driver's license, according to the Department for Transport.

This highlights how rare it was for Louis to not only drive but also own his own car. If he was able to sell it when he moved to London with One Direction, then it clearly wasn’t a family car.

Louis also owned a mid-tier smartphone, a laptop with editing software (for uploading covers to his YouTube channel), gaming consoles, and expensive clothes. He took acting lessons and even owned a keyboard.

The Tomlinsons lived in a detached house in Bessacarr, the most expensive part of Doncaster. Detached houses are typically the most desirable types of property since they don't share walls with neighbors. In contrast, semi-detached homes and terraced houses are more common in working-class areas.

A TikToker from the area did a tour of Louis’ childhood home and his grandparents’ house (neither of which are owned by the family anymore). The Tomlinsons had owned the detached house since at least Lottie’s early childhood.

I want to make this clear: none of this means his family was wealthy, nor does it erase their working-class status. The area they lived in, their family history, and the jobs they held were all firmly working class. With such a large family, they likely faced financial difficulties, especially when Louis was younger.

What this does negate, however, is Louis’ repeated claims of severe financial hardship—his insistence that they were a low-income family who couldn’t afford anything.

Louis' constant emphasis on his struggles feels forced, like a strategy to appear relatable despite being a millionaire charging fans—who are actually struggling, in some cases—premium prices. His image is a caricature, and we’ll continue to deconstruct it. He didn’t just exaggerate; he outright lied about some of these claims.

At some point, I may dedicate a post to Harry’s background, but for now, it’s important to note that while he was marketed as “posh,” he actually came from a working-class family, facing many of the same struggles as Louis. Although his family lived in more affluent areas for part of his childhood, his childhood home was a terraced house, described as “humble” in publications.

Before settling in Holmes Chapel, Harry’s family lived in Evesham and above a pub in Northwich, both of which were far less affluent. His parents separated when he was seven, and his mother remarried, only to separate again when Harry was twelve. Both Harry and his sister, Gemma, were latchkey kids due to their mother's long working hours.

Robin, Harry's stepdad, didn’t come into his life until Harry was 13/14, and they didn’t marry until Harry was 19. By then, Harry had been in 1D for years. While Robin was wealthier, he was only a significant presence in Harry’s life for a very short period prior to the band.

So why was Harry marketed as “posh”? Every pop band has a “posh” member. In Take That, it was Gary Barlow. In the Spice Girls, they went all in and literally nicknamed Victoria Adams “Posh Spice.” It’s a strategy to ensure all audiences have someone they can relate to. But since all the members of One Direction were decidedly working class, the closest one to “posh” was Harry—simply by virtue of living in a slightly more affluent area. (Crewe, where Holmes Chapel is located, has a median income just £2K above Doncaster’s, so while property and education were definitely “higher level,” it was nowhere near the vast difference we were led to believe).

Perceptions of British social class aside, Louis and Harry’s financial realities were strikingly similar. In fact, on paper, Louis seemed to live with a bit more luxury—at least until Robin entered the picture.

THE HAMMERING

Louis was marketed by 1D’s team as the “working-class lad,” with a heavy emphasis on financial struggles and his family background. While this wasn’t his responsibility, once he went solo, he fully embraced it, making it a core part of his brand.

It’s normal to mention your background in interviews, but what’s odd is when it appears in every single one of them. Take this one from Noisey (now Vice) in 2017, where he’s introduced as:

The fact that Louis’ background was so average, so relatable, was already inherently part of his appeal. Rather than trying to shrug off his working class Northern roots, he vehemently embraced them. There was nothing about Louis that screamed ‘showbiz.’ He didn’t come from money. He hadn’t been to Brit School.

They then position him as the opposite of the other 1D members, especially Harry. (They even link an article where they snobbishly criticize Harry, but I won’t dive into that here to avoid getting derailed.)

Even today, seven years later, when he couldn’t live a life further from what he grew up knowing, he clings onto his background with an almost commendable stubbornness. While the others from the band—particularly Harry Styles and Zayn Malik, and even Liam Payne to a certain degree—seem to revel in the starry sheen of pop fame by dating other high-profile figures, being seen on the front row at fashion shows or stumbling out of A-list parties and having the sort of meticulously crafted marketing campaigns that are designed to create intrigue, Louis has always appeared to shy away from that side of things; with one foot cautiously dipped into the lifestyle, and the other firmly on the ground.

Louis would then go on about Doncaster, how his mates kept him grounded, and how he doesn’t like the Hollywood party scene. That’s basically the theme of every interview he’s had since, up until today.

I can’t think of anything more boring than going through all of Louis’ interviews in detail, so I’ll just share short snippets with sources of a few of them instead.

HYPEBEAST - 2023

Many know Louis Tomlinson as a Doncaster lad-turned-pop-icon and part of era-defining boyband, One Direction. But despite his superstar status, the 31-year-old has never lost touch with his relaxed Northern soul. It’s been central to everything he puts his mind to, from music to football… and now, fashion.

That’s how it starts, btw.

FAR OUT MAGAZINE - 2019

His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”. The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded.

A music enthusiast who hasn’t learned how to play a single instrument in 15 years and cannot talk about songwriting coherently for the life of him. Sure. Whatever you say.

THE GUARDIAN - 2017

Tomlinson gives the example of how he first became famous. Born in Doncaster in 1991 he was raised by his mother, Johannah Deakin, and later also by her new partner Mark Tomlinson. (...) And as a self-aware northerner, from a proudly working class family (...)

“Later also,” the wording implies much later, not at TWO YEARS OLD. I also thought they might not mention his family was working class in one interview. Alas.

THE GUARDIAN - 2019

As a child, growing up in Doncaster with his mum Johannah, who raised him alone until she married Tomlinson’s stepfather, he loved performing. “I liked to be the class clown, I liked to make people laugh, to show off, all that.” When his younger twin sisters were cast on TV dramas, he would sometimes go along as their chaperone, earning £30. “Where I’m from, we don’t have anyone who’s been on TV or anything like that, so it was super-exciting,” he says. He ended up picking up work as an extra. “The pinnacle of my acting career was one line on an ITV drama. I don’t even know if they used my scene,” he says with a laugh. When he was 15, he joined a drama group in Barnsley, which his mum would take him to when she could afford it. “I think I was confused, thinking I wanted to act when actually what I wanted to do was perform.”

Once again, minimizing the role of his stepfather to paint this picture of a single mom. Mark raised him for SIXTEEN YEARS. Johannah was a single mom for TWO.

She took him to lessons “when she could afford it.” The constant drilling of these financial struggles drips drips drips from every single word in every single interview. This interview in particular will be brought up later again.

THE GUARDIAN - 2022

I worked at Doncaster Rovers as the guy you bought the pies off. We had a little scheme. If the pie fell on the floor, even foil side up, it couldn’t be sold. I didn’t have a lot of money at the time, so a lot went overboard, because the pies were banging. I’ve not been on a night out in Doncaster for years. It’s a combination of being too busy and the fact there’s always a chancer who wants to give you a slap. I don’t want to get my head kicked in. I’m low-maintenance. I don’t have any major diva requests. As long as I’ve got coffee and cigarettes, I’m sound.

THE TELEGRAPH - 2022

Scruffily unshaven, in gym wear and trainers, the 30-year-old hops up to open a window, while chatting away in a friendly and engaged manner. “I never really chose this life,” he insists, with a strong Doncaster accent (though he lives in Hertfordshire now). “I auditioned for X Factor and crossed me fingers. And now, here I am.”

In. Every. Interview. He has to tack that in. He just has to.

METRO - 2022

“That’s the sound that I would say defined growing up for me. That kind of music is big in the North of England full stop and especially in working class town-forward-slash-just-been-made-a-city Doncaster. I spent a lot of my time as a young lad in this indie bar called Priory, and that’s how I discovered a lot about music that I’ve grown up to love.”

This one is hilarious, because the question was about what type of music he liked and why. He could be asked what he had for breakfast and he’d reply, “Well, as a working-class lad from Doncaster...” To be perfectly honest? I presume he already has said something to that effect.

“UNDER THE TONGUE”, Adidas Documentary - 2024

“We didn’t have a load of money when I were younger, so I didn’t have great boots growing up. Like anyone who didn’t have a pair of Predators, of course I always aspired to have a pair.”

It’s a 2-minute appearance and he manages to sneak that in. Insanity.

This talking point is persistent in everything he does. Even in stuff like his track-by-track commentary, particularly for his second album, FitF.

The man wore hammer and sickle clothes, for crying out loud.

The literal communist symbol. I’m not here to do the meme...

But I am here to tell you that a communist Louis Tomlinson is not. He exploits his fans, especially his most ardent ones, who tend to be the ones who suffer economic hardships the most—the ones he’s trying to be relatable to. The ones who see themselves in his inane discourse. But we’ll get to that.

His whole “anarchy” as an asthetic—particularly as a tattoo— is grating as fuck.

Louis is a multi-millionnaire who hoards wealth through very little hardship and who nowadays makes a ton of money with the least amount of effort. This goes against the very fabric of the anarchist movement.

He’s also a very proud Englishman who even in fucking INDIA pointed to a fan wearing an England shirt in the audience:

Overt nationalism coming from a self-ascribed anarchist, particularly from one who comes from a colony system as cruel and long-lived as the British Empire over India, is the exact opposite of what anarchism stands for.

Remember when he did an entire music video for his main solo single in 2017 in Doncaster:

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Whatever, cool, if it wasn’t for the fact that it came with an entire round of press with this as a central talking point. And a behind the scenes music video where the main focus is once again, Doncaster and how working class it is.

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He also wrote a couple of songs about this or related to it, particularly Common People:

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And with this song, we start the next section.

THE LIES

If he was simply hyper-focused on this upbringing of his—despite the fact that he’s spent about half his life living as a millionnaire already and well, everything else I’ve already covered, it’d be a little comical, whatever, but he outright lies and exaggerates constantly.

The lyrics to Common People... the only reason he gets away with these lies is that he’s not successful enough for non-fans to notice, and his fans would jump off a building if he asked them to.

I came from a good home A house full of terraced dreams That was enough for me You know, you had to see it to believe

You... you didn’t live in a terraced house, Louis. You lived in a quite big detached house in Bessaccar, with a two-income household that doubled (maybe even tripled) the median for the area. WHY ARE YOU OUTRIGHT LYING? You know who lived in terraced/semi-detached houses? ALL OF YOUR 1D BANDMATES. And NONE OF THEM made their working-class background their entire personality!

It’s insidious, the way he lies. In his documentary, he has his grandparents talk about how little money his mom had and how they lived in a little apartment. Then Louis says that his biological dad left him and he was alone with his mom, but that he didn’t “miss the love of a father” because his mom “doubled that.”

Then Lottie talks about how he had four sisters, and Louis takes over and says he loved being “the only lad.” The implication being here that his mother was taking care of five children on her own. That there was no father.

All of this conversation happens over footage of Louis, his mom, and his sisters. He completely erases his stepfather from a huge chunk of his life. A stepfather that was there for him since he was two. There are not even pictures of Mark during this segment, a feat that was probably quite hard to accomplish, considering he was literally there. This was part of an extended trailer for the documentary, meaning the part most people would watch (from 2 mins on).

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Of course, you could try to find a way to justify it, somehow. Maybe he’s not on good terms with his stepdad? Maybe his stepdad did something or something happened, and Louis made the operative decision not to include him for that reason? But his stepdad is in the documentary. In fact, he shows up right after this section to talk about Louis auditioning for Grease when he was a teenager.

So, the decision to completely erase his stepdad—the man who adopted him and gave him his last name when he was a toddler—from a huge chunk of his life, specifically highlighting his and his mom’s struggles, is simply glaring. It’s obviously purposeful. It’s trying to rewrite history and present a completely different reality. One could maybe overlook it as a strange decision, but with no ulterior motives, if Louis hadn’t spent the last several years of his solo career continuously underlining his “struggles” every step of the way.

But he does. Victimization is one of his biggest tools, and being “a working class lad” is at the forefront of this image.

He lied when he said that his mom took him to drama class “when she could afford it” considering in other interviews he said he just wasn’t consistent with it.

He talked about not being able to afford expensive clothes, but he... did.... he owned expensive clothes. He didn’t own designer clothes. But he owned expensive clothes. He even tweeted about buying them before joining the band.

He lied when he said that he couldn’t afford the boots he wanted. Louis you had multiple jobs. You were well-off enough to afford a car. Don’t piss me the fuck off. Maybe your mom didn’t think it was a good idea to spend £150 on overpriced boots, when perfectly good ones could go for as cheap as £60 to £30, but that’s called BEING MIDDLE CLASS. It’s not, “we didn’t have a lot of money.”

He’s so detached from reality that he thinks not being able to splash out buying Predator Adidas is somehow a class signifier. LOUIS, MOST KIDS HAD PARENTS WHO WOULD REFUSE THAT SORT OF SHALLOW SPENDING.

The way he frames things, the way he insists on this talking point. He probably has bought his own lies at this point. There are a ton of others, but they’re smaller. Just white lies. It’d take me forever to break them down one by one, but the thing about them is that they add up to create a picture that simply isn’t true.

THE SHADE

He uses this marketing strategy of his to throw shade at... well, at a lot of people. You’ve seen how one of the earliest articles of his solo career positioned him against Harry, Liam, and Zayn. Also against the obscure figure of “the A-list celebrity.” Against popstars.

Mainly, though, his antagonist is Harry. He throws a lot of shade towards Harry, but never with his chest.

Remember that 2019 The Guardian interview that I said would come up again?

“If I went back to Doncaster and I was dripping in Gucci or whatever, I’d probably get whacked. I’m always very conscious of not acting too big for my boots. It’s the people around me who keep me sane and normal, because they give me insight into real life.”

He said that in September 2019, just a couple of weeks after Harry became the most visible Gucci ambassador and the face of their gender neutral fragrance

But shade aside, because that was 100% purposeful, just two years before saying this... he was dripping with Gucci, and Stella McCartney, and Off White... where? Yep, in Doncaster.

And his “mates” were right there...

And no, it wasn’t an isolated event. He wore Gucci a ton of times. He wore Gucci when hanging out with friends, walking down the street, at concerts, etc. It wasn’t that a stylist put him in a brand and he had no idea or anything like that.

The man, to this day, wears a ton of designer clothes. Prada, Alexander Wang, Burberry, Balenciaga, Givenchy, Armani. Dior, Balmain, Ralph Lauren. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. The problem is that he acts like wearing these clothes would be that he’d be ashamed to be caught doing. As if he was the opposite of everything Harry represents (something that The Mayor of the Hags constantly drones about).

It’s extremely hypocritical because he does the same thing.

Harry just wears cute clothes, mostly. Sometimes trippy. Louis wears sweatpants that cost a fortune for no reason. Which is fine—he’s a filthy rich celebrity. JUST FUCKING OWN IT, MAN.

A few months after Harry’s debut album came out—a concise record that was 10 tracks long and lasted 40:18 mins—Louis was asked if his debut album would have more than 10 tracks, to which he replied:

That... that is not how music works. Music is art. The important part of music is that it’s good, that it moves something in you, that you enjoy it. If anything, the important part of it in terms of value is if it has replay. I’ve legit never seen anyone else say “value for money” in terms of tracks on an album. He’s so fucking try-hard and corny.

ANYWAY, Louis’ debut album, despite the Communist King’s comments, did have more than 10 tracks... 12, to be exact. It was, incidentally, shorter than HS1, clocking at 39:30 mins. So, by Louis’ own definition, I guess that’s... not value for money?

We covered the other instances of shade already, like when he shaded Harry for not taking drugs while he was in 1D. And there are, of course, others, but they’re not necessarily tied to this whole class/money thing—that I can remember! If you have more examples, feel free to send them over and I’ll add them.

His fans do the heavy lifting for him on this topic. Because he has repeated these talking points so many times that they automatically attack Harry with them.

Louis has somehow convinced them that when he pisses on them, it’s rain. Because make no mistake, The Communist King, pisses on his fans. And that’s what we’ll talk about in part II.

THE STANDARD INTERVIEW

So, we arrived at the last part of this post. It’s funny because I started writing it before this interview came out.

[The following few paragraphs are background info on the writer and the publication. If you want to skip to the interview analysis, you can!

It was written by Joe Bromley, Fashion Editor at The Standard. Bromley’s career dates back to ES Magazine, a key publication in cultural influence. He joined The Evening Standard in 2021 and became junior writer in 2023, with a meteoric rise to editor. He’s also contributed to Lampoon Mag, Yahoo UK, and The Irish Independent. The Evening Standard is a reputable publication in its own right.

Of course, Louis’ fans tried to claim that Bromley is “a Harrie” or was paid by Harry’s team to write such a negative piece. The evidence for this? A year ago, he wrote one article about Harry. It’s not overtly positive and has some snide comments and shade, but it leans positive overall. Otherwise, there’s no connection between them. Bromley doesn’t even follow Harry on social media. He does follow Harry Lambert (Harry’s stylist) and Alessandro Michele, but both are designers, so, as a Fashion Editor, it’s his job to follow them.

Naturally, no one can organically be bemused by Louis’ ridiculous attempt at branding. Joe must be on someone’s payroll!

Why would Harry’s team care to do this? Well, The Hags have somehow convinced themselves that, despite Louis’ solo career going nowhere while Harry’s has skyrocketed, Harry (or his team) is somehow very threatened by Louis and his potential. They can’t explain why anyone—let alone Harry Styles—would be threatened by someone who can’t sing, can’t play any instruments, has the charisma of a cardboard box, and takes zero care of his physical appearance. But, you know, if you repeat something enough times, even if you can’t back it up, it becomes reality.]

Louis describes himself as “chavvy.” This isn’t the first time he’s done this—he’s used the term multiple times.

And this, this misuse of the term chav and what it implies, is exactly why his whole persona is so problematic.

A chav is not simply a young person from a working-class background whose parents didn’t allow them to buy Adidas Predators. A chav is a term that implies actual struggle. It implies growing up on a council estate or a deprived neighborhood, not being able to afford food, lacking access to proper education, enduring an unstable home environment, and growing up surrounded by violence. It implies being unsafe and ostracized by society.

Louis faced none of this. He grew up in a stable, two-parent, two-income household that earned double the median income, with access to technology, education, and a supportive family. He lived in a beautiful, affluent neighbourhood. He owned a fucking car. He might have been a little rowdy and couldn’t afford very expensive boots—that doesn’t make him a chav.

A regular person could describe themselves as a chav without “earning it,” and we could have a lighthearted discussion on whether that’s appropriate. But Louis isn’t a regular person. He’s been crafting this persona for years. He’s been building this fake background since he first went solo, and now, as a fucking millionaire, he’s using it as an excuse to sell overpriced apparel to young girls.

To some degree, it’s reminiscent of the conversation about Harry and queerness. So, why is it problematic for Louis to do this and not for Harry? There are three main reasons.

Harry hasn’t claimed an identity that doesn’t belong to him. In fact, he’s deliberately not claimed any. Queerness isn’t something we can physically measure—it’s something inherent that can change and evolve. No one could assert that he’s lying if he did claim it, but the fact is, he hasn’t. Louis, on the other hand, has. Loudly, repeatedly. He slapped the chav label on himself, a label that can be physically measured, and one he decidedly hasn’t earned.

What Harry adopted is an aesthetic. Aesthetics can’t be copyrighted, and there’s nothing inherently problematic about adopting one. In fact, it would be problematic to assume someone is part of a specific community because of the clothes they wear. If Louis had simply adopted a “chav aesthetic,” it might be a little cringe at his 33 years of age, but there’d be nothing wrong with it.

Harry is not ascribing or perpetuating negative stereotypes to queerness or to the aesthetic surrounding it... As you’re about to see, Louis is.

This caricature Louis creates only serves to denigrate and vilify the working class he wants to use for his image. The portrayal of being loud, irresponsible, constantly partying, not dressing up for events, cursing inappropriately, and showing disinterest in culture is rooted in harmful stereotypes. It normalizes them, especially for his global audience, many of whom wouldn’t fully understand what the term even means.

“There’s a very, very chavvy aesthetic in Doncaster, at least when I was growing up. That’s exactly who I am and the kind of stuff that I like.”

This quote highlights exactly what’s wrong with his persona. For most people deemed “chavs” in the real world, it’s not an aesthetic—it’s their lives. It’s their prospects for the future. It’s the violence they face every day, the deprivation, and the pain of broken households. They can’t just put on a “chav costume” and use it to sell overpriced, glorified merch to teenagers, then take it off when it’s no longer convenient.

“I don’t think it’s a bad word, not to me.”

Well, it doesn’t matter what it means to you, Louis. I know it might be hard to believe, but you’re not the center of the universe. What matters is what the term means culturally and the negative connotations it carries. The term chav is generally deemed as social racism. Its connotations are overwhelmingly negative—they have affected entire generations of low-income men and women. And you’re helping prolong the stigma.

“To me it’s about culture. It might mean other things to other people.”

What culture? You know nothing about culture. You’ve admitted you don’t read books, explore cities, try new foods, or listen to other genres of music. In this very interview, you even admitted you can’t name a single thing you like about London—one of the most culturally rich cities in the world, where you’ve lived for almost half your life. You also admitted you wouldn’t even know where to move if you wanted to.

You have no grasp of culture. You’re entitled, privileged, and have the narrowest view of the world. It’s not that “chav” might mean other things to other people—it’s that it does. But you wouldn’t know that, because that would require you to take your eyes off your own navel for two seconds.

Your understanding of the world and what being working class means hasn’t evolved since you were 18. You don’t have an adult perspective on the cultural and socioeconomic struggles that come with being low income and marginalized. It’s why you equate not being able to buy Adidas Predators with “not having money.” You didn’t experience actual deprivation or marginalization as a child, had everything you could ever wish for as soon as you became an adult, and never showed an ounce of curiosity to dig deeper or gain at least an outsider’s perspective.

You’re a fraud. The editor of The Standard saw right through you. That’s why he pointed out your actual height and the fact that you wear concealer. It’s why he implied that you weren’t being genuine when you went on about loving your fans’ invasive attitude. It’s why he demeaned your clothing line and your environment.

Your fans will continue to make excuses for your shortcomings. They’ll keep blaming everyone else for it—your management, your label, your PR agent, your friends, your sisters, Harry Styles, Harry Styles’ team, Harry Styles’ fans—anyone but the real culprit: YOU.

Everyone else sees right through it.

Part II should be up shortly. And, if I dare say so myself, it’s particularly cutting.

#fandom myths #louis critique #louis tomlinson #louis #one direction #1d #harry styles #larry #larry stylinson #larry is real

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5times1dfest · 4 months ago

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The 5+1 Times 1D fest is OPEN !!

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 5 months ago

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medialog august-december 2k24

i was like, should i just abandon this and start fresh in 2025... but no. also i'm putting this behind a cut bc it is long but it's shorter than it sounds bc LOL working 7 days a week is not conducive towards having the brain space to interact with a bunch of new art!!

watched

ponyo - THIS IS THE CUTEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!! miyazaki/ghibli is a big blind spot for me bc as a kid i was like "but i want anime to be pretty, like sailor moon..." so i never got into kiki or totoro (very stupid but again i was: A Child) and then as an adult, this is embarrassing, i tried to watch spirited away and just literally didn't get it. i was like, i am so confused about what is happening and what emotions i am supposed to be feelings. and i know that spirited away is a movie for children and this makes me stupid. but i have never pretended not to be stupid. anyway i would die for just about every character in this movie and when i watched it a second time to make nick watch it i was so full of tenderness for how lovingly it captures what it's like to be a small child who has a small creature to take care of that i felt like i could explode!

deadpool & wolverine - i think if i had been in a better mood when i saw this movie i would have disliked it more but as it was i was in a HORRENDOUS mood and, basically, had a good time. funny to watch this, the Superhero Movies Isabel Has Never Watched Cameo Show (literally i had never watched an x-men other than first class, in which wolverine only appears to say fuck off, or either of the two deadpools), and still get to experience the same OMG IT'S HIM rush as everyone else did, but for matthew mcfadyen. the guy next to me was like "i love channing tatum" when channing tatum showed up and like, same.

trap - great movie to see with a group of like 10 people with whom to giggle the whole time. josh hartnett understood the assignment and his dad-vibe era is soooo much hotter to me than his twink years ever were (not always the case for me! but between this and how hot he was in oppenheimer i've really warmed to him...). i think it's nice that m. night shyamalan loves his daughter so much. ladyraven has a ballad with the line "faustian trade-offs" which caused me and no one else in the theater to laugh real loud. her music is pretty bad but tbh in an era when people want to put chappell roan on the A-list i'm not even mad. it was funny trying to figure out her niche though because like the vibes are obviously supposed to be taylorish (the cabin onstage... lmao) but the music was giving... idk, ariana? also it's just inherently funny to make a movie premised on the fact that it would be really easy to narrow down who the serial killer is by identifying the adult men at a pop girl concert + this movie REALLY captures the vibe during the opening act no one gaf about a pop event concert, like i saw 5SOS open for 1D and that's exactly what it felt like

popstar: never stop never stopping - rewatch, duh. is this the funniest movie of all time? it's gotta be up there, right?

josie and the pussycats - also a rewatch, duh. love everything about this but most of all the soundtrack, the songs are legit incredible, no fictional band has ever had better music (rip adam schlesinger who contributed some songwriting!!!). first time rewatching this movie since figuring out some Stuff and understand now that rachel leigh cook needs to be on the Oh Those Were Gay Feelings. That's What That Was list. (rosario dawson too, but i already got there with her.)

vice - really incredible to think it would be possible to fuck up a movie about how dick cheney is basically satan but somehow mckay managed. christian bale is a professional though, i feel like we don't appreciate enough that no matter how bad the movie or how stupid the writing he's out there giving an absolute top tier performance every single time.

aliens - sorta half-watched this one but idk i feel like me and james cameron just don't vibe. not as incredible-looking or cool as the first one.

godzilla minus one - really really cute!!!!!!

jurassic park - rewatch on the big screen, still slaps the hardest of almost any movie ever

twentieth century - this is i guess nominally a screwball comedy (howard hawks, 1934, for those of you for whom that means something) but it's about these two toxic theater people who are horrible for and obsessed with each other and it's... darker... than my experience of that genre has usually been. in a way that sort of works in its favor partly because it just gives it a certain interest and partly because the gender politics of screwballs can be so dark themselves so it's kind of a relief that this one lacks the cognitive dissonance of pretending this all isn't horrible? idk. it's a weird one. but i liked it, on balance. there's a (pretty funny tbh) running gag about suicide threats and a really bananas third act plot that comes out of nowhere... great performances across the board and some real bangers dropped into the screenplay!

the substance - i didn't, like, love this, and i think a lot of common criticisms of it are right, but some are also very silly (guys i think the director knows nothing about the morning exercise show makes sense... i don't think she was going for a realistic depiction of 21st century celebrity...), and i did have a good time for the most part (the last 30 minutes is gross in a way that doesn't do it for me... but i know it does it for some people and those people deserve movies too...) and respected its commitment to its own bit, as well as the fact that it's basically a fairy tale (a woman who lives in a tower makes a bargain with a force she doesn't really understand to regain her beauty...). oh also i liked that the thing that drives the back half of the plot is essentially the idea that you simply cannot have a 22 year old's body without also having to contend with a 22 year old's dumb dumb stupid ass piece of shit idiot brain. haven't seen a lot of people comment on that aspect of it but it was like my favorite part!

female trouble - people throw out the word iconic a lot but like what else is there to say? rude, disgusting, occasionally genuinely offensive, mostly (for me) delightfully so... really great to watch with a crowd that would whoop and cheer for I'M SO GLAD I HAD AN ABORTION and THE WORLD OF THE HETEROSEXUAL IS A SICK AND BORING LIFE... also like it's really key for the way this movie functions that divine is a fat drag queen that most people do not consider the pinnacle of beauty but it's incredibly clear that john waters and this movie does... like divine's constant proclamations of her own gorgeousness are in a kind of inherent tension with the average american's disagreement with that sentiment but in a way where it's like, if you disagree you are an idiot and this movie is not yours. she's so hot in this it's crazy!!

michael clayton - i wanted to watch a talky thriller-ish movie and the men of the ringer podcast network literally never shut up about this one so i gave it a shot and it delivered! clooney predictably great but i had no idea tilda swinton & tom wilkinson were in it and they are both also awesome, as is merrit weaver in a small but very well cast role

venom - you can sort of glimpse the movie this movie would be if it weren't shackled to What A Superhero Movie Is Now / loosely to the MCU even though it pretends it's not, and i bet that movie would be a lot of fun!

black christmas (1974) - perfectly done urban legend horror with an interesting little pro choice streak, great cast, camera work so perfectly spooky and tense even i noticed how well it was done, makes good use of the cinematic potential of christmas lights. i really liked that this movie is short and a slasher but all the characters in it feel very well drawn even though we don't spend much time with almost any of them... reminded me that this is actually possible to do and i should be harder on movies that don't do it!

black christmas (2006) - nowhere near as good as the first one, but it is, uh, absolutely bugfuck crazyass bananapants start to end. my favorite of many deranged writing choices in this movie is that the sorority mother makes them all open their secret santa every year with a gift for the murderer who killed his family years ago in this house and then when one of the girls' townie boyfriend is like "this is the house that used to freak us out when we were kids" the sorority mother is like, "why?" ?????????? ok!!!!!

heretic - hugh grant is a fucking movie star. i love sophie turner and the other girl was good too. sort of loses steam once the "actually" scary stuff happens because horror movie shenanigans are hard to make as scary as the situation of two young and not very experienced girls slowly realizing they are trapped in a house with a man who just keeps pushing the boundaries of the social contract a little further, but i had fun

the apprentice - not a good movie but a great viewing experience for those of us who have reblogged in our lifetimes approx. 1 million combined gifsets of sebstan and jerbear... like yeah those are my guys and my guys did great :) i think my favorite thing about it as a movie (other than the way the "look" of it updates with technology, which is a cooler idea i wish had been used for a... better movie?) is that it really beats home the aspect of trmp wherein he has no social skills at all and has never felt authentically comfortable in a group of people in his entire life, which is something i think we should culturally be meaner to him about

gladiator - dumb (affectionate) movie magic. russell crowe has so much movie star charisma while looking so much like Just Some Guy it's literally crazy. when he kisses the little dolly of his wife who's about to die ;_;

raising arizona - miracle movie, can't believe i'd never watched this before. the coens' control of their tone is so incredible to see so early in their work (still gotta watch barton fink one of these day). incredible cast, gorgeous colors, so funny, so weirdly sweet, when it finished i felt like i'd watched a magic trick

erin brokovich - watched this for the first time since high school and like what else is there to say but Queen Icon Legend Slay? i am speaking of course about steven soderbergh but julia is pretty fucking incredible too.

conclave - i'm gonna be real i feel like the hype got to me a lil with this one because it's not as bitchy and fun as i feel like i was led to believe... also requires more buy-in re: the moral direction of the catholic church than i anticipated. however it does have its moments and it's nice to see some of our best actors being good at their jobs and it looks great!

the philadelphia story - i found this movie so delightful to watch that for a moment i really thought she might run off with jimmy stewart at the end and not get back tamed with her abusive ex..... but such was the power of the hepburn/stewart chemistry in that one drunk garden scene that i found myself totally incapable of actually integrating the gender politics of this one into my feelings towards it... like i just couldn't be mad at a movie that gave me a scene that made me want to scream JUST KISS!!!! the most anything has since the first time i watched "cooler"... do you know what that is? for me to bust out "cooler" as a comp? my god... i understand why my friend has been like that about hepburn our whole lives and am also now fully baby jimmy stewart pilled

gladiator ii - the consensus is right on this one: not as good as the first, paul mescal is no russell crowe, but denzel really ate. my friends and i laughed out loud at almost every single denzel scene. we're so lucky to have him.

wicked - bad movie of a bad musical, fundamentally misunderstands the function of songs in a musical and thus shoots every single musical number abominably, as ugly as you've heard, we are not advanced enough technologically for me to emotionally invest in CGI Goat Voiced By Peter Dinklage, but ariana deserves an oscar. the prettyboy was pretty good too. orivo can really sing but her acting was kinda giving Distressed Pixar Mom for me although i'm happy to add this to john m chu's many crimes.

out of sight - the romantic premise of this movie is CRAZY but george clooney kinds of sells it actually because and not in spite of the fact that he's one of those curious Incredibly Handsome But Not Very Sexy actors... like you believe that she wouldn't really hold a grudge against him locking her in a trunk with him, because, what, clooney's gonna act untoward? no... not him... j. lo joins andie macdowell as an actress out of whom soderbergh somehow coaxes a much better performance than experience would lead you to believe she is capable of. shockingly stacked cast of pros doing great, INCREDIBLE production design - banner movie for characters costumed to match or complement their interiors!!!

burlesque - dr. sam from new girl fucks stanley tucci in this movie... i literally can't stop thinking about that. xtina maybe has the all time highest ratio of vocal chops to charisma, she has the screen presence of a recurring character on a cancelled WB drama and then she opens her mouth and you're like, damn. i would watch an 8 season HBO sitcom of cher and stanley tucci running a failing burlesque club. at one point i said out loud "chekhov's air rights." great time

logan lucky - "what if steven soderbergh made a heist movie but decided to put his coen brothers hat on and, also, cast channing tatum as a divorced dad who wants to support his daughter's dreams but is seriously wigged out by pageant culture?" yes please. absolutely. adam driver almost never acts in movies i actually want to see but he really is one of the real ones.

babygirl - one of those movies where i can understand lots of things that didn't work for people but i, personally, was completely rapturous the entire time because i wanted a movie where i could walk out saying "nicole kidman did that" and i got that AND ALSO (a) a story about a perfectionist who hates herself and (b) sex scenes that are funny and weird and awkward and warm and human. that's so many things i love happening at once, i will happily forgive and overlook any flaws. i really just loved how much the two of them are actively figuring this thing out as they go and how that's embarrassing and goofy and also sweet and fun. plus nicole kidman really did do that, i mean, like, my god... my god....

fantasmas - you have to watch fantasmas... why haven't you watched fantasmas yet... i really struggle to imagine the person who would follow My Dumb Blog but not be into fantasmas... "the gay ones don't draw dicks, they draw eyes"... julio torres is the voice of a generation

the franchise - not quite as much of a banger as i wanted to be but likable enough, & i'm a sucker for showbiz jokes (jokes about insecure actors, etc.), although i think chris ryan had a point on the watch pod when he was like, the thing about the satire elements of this show are that if you know anything about the actual production stuff on superhero/franchise movies it's hard to satirize because like, the real stuff is actually just that crazy... there's a running thread about the overworked VFX guy and it's kinda funny but also like, well this lines up more or less with what those teams have actually said... anyway. i want to say i'm a lil bummed it didn't get renewed nonetheless but also i forgot until i was typing up the list of things to document here that i had never gotten around to the season finale, so i guess i can't really honestly claim to be that bummed lol. (watched it while washing dishes - pretty good!) did love daniel bruhl as a sensitive artiste director being soul-crushed by the studio machine though! that guy's great.

read

r. o. kwon, exhibit - this one's tough. ultimately, there were actually a lot of things i liked about this book. it had some moments that felt really human and well observed (when the protagonist says something about how usually orgasms aren't worth the guilt and then says she knows she's letting us down and her paramour says who's us and the protagonist says all women... that's funny and real and not unrelateable to me for different reasons!). the bones of it were i think ultimately solid - like yeah she's terrible at communicating but ultimately the book is about her running away from the hard fact that her husband wants a baby and she doesn't and the psychology holds water throughout, i think. (also a funny paragraph about how she knows how to cook but mostly subsists on like handfuls of nuts and bread dipped into olive oil or whatever and then she's like "and you thought i could raise a child?"... also relateable...) i REALLY related to the idea of being a person who simultaneously has the memory of experiencing the loss of faith in god as genuinely, actually traumatic and also being like "btw my family might be cursed by vengeful spirit, it's a whole thing, but i gotta try to talk to her before i do this because she kind of gave me the idea," and i really liked that the book didn't spend any effort on reconciling these two things because... i mean iykyk, like i really can't explain beyond "sometimes that's what it's like" - AND i also liked the ultimate reveal of that storyline and how it tied into the core character work of the main plot. plus the whole thing is like the "trying stuff out sexually as a vehicle/metaphor for owning your whole self" thing that i (a) have enjoyed writing in fanfiction and (b) really loved watching in babygirl lmao. unfortunately the writing was the most annoying tryhard I Get It You Have An MFA ass prose i have ever encountered... i complained about this at the time but it's craaazyyyy to use the word "mirific" three times in a ~200 page novel lmao. deranged. calm yourself. i also felt like the dialogue was really bad although i guess i can't totally rule out that this is a book about artists and artists actually are that annoying? idk though... it didn't feel stylized it just felt weird... who says "tippled"... so, ultimately i couldn't say that i "liked" this even though it had elements i admired or enjoyed.

naomi klein, the shock doctrine: the rise of disaster capitalism - as i mentioned at the time, very enamored of its framing device in a very popular nonfiction/thomas friedman lite kinda way, but when it's not doing that (which luckily is most of the time), this is an informative and well explicated accounting of the horrors milton friedman has unleashed upon the world. i liked her fundamental argument that you can't politicize along economic grounds horrors committed under communism but not do that for capitalism, which has sort of seeped into general internet leftist thought (a testament to the success of this book) but which i appreciate more having seen how she builds her case.

the red nation, the red deal: indigenous action to save our earth - read this for a mutual aid book club that never happened lol. at the end of this book they're like "well probably none of this is new in the climate justice conversation but we don't think things have to be new to be valuable" and like... on the one hand true... on the other hand if you're even vaguely aware of climate justice discourse... not a lot here is new. i also, perhaps unpopularly, have become kind of a... idk... i mean when people are like "we can't solve climate collapse without dismantling capitalism" these days my reaction is basically "well one of those things might happen in the next two hundred years and it's not dismantling capitalism." i'm not like a tech-zealot but a... tech-realist? idk. this is not what i want to be true but it is my honest accounting of the situation. so, any argument that's like "step one: dismantle capitalism" is... it's just not where i'm at these days.

patrick radden keefe, say nothing: a true story of murder and memory in northern ireland - there are no doubt quibbles or political issues to be had with this book, a story of the troubles focused largely on a particular group of IRA members operating in west belfast in the early 70s - as an idiot coming into this subject basically cold, i would have appreciated slightly more grounding in the political situation leading up to the swelling of violence in this period - but, damn, this book is fucking mesmerizing. keefe really brings the people involved to life, particularly the young IRA members at the heart of his chronicle, and while it's clear he doesn't condone all their actions, my own sense was that he was more interested in truly understanding and making clear their own understandings of their motivations & understanding of themselves & ethical framework than he was in passing judgment (and i also definitely felt like he had a certain admiration for the integrity of someone like brandon hughes or dolours price, who were always willing to own what they did and why they did it, and a genuine disdain for how fucking crazy it is for gerry adams to rebrand as a peacenik when literally everybody knows he spent the early 70s telling people to plant bombs lmao). (also having read empire of pain... he definitely holds the sacklers in lower esteem than the IRA, lol.) the final chapters of the book also touch on the really fascinating difficult question of how you morally reckon with the revolutionary violence you did if the revolution you did it for never came to pass - this is the heart of why his fellow ex-IRA comrades feel so betrayed by adams, who has left them to shoulder the burden of that guilt alone while pivoting to the compromise they once agreed would not suffice which was part of the reason for all the violence, and it is something i think about a lot as someone who would not self identify as a pacifist and thinks the historical record leaves no doubt that sometimes violence is necessary for change but nonetheless feels very reluctant to endorse specific acts of revolutionary violence in theory. thrilling and thorny, ultimately i would say deserving of all the accolades i learned after reading it has apparently received lol.

patrick radden keefe, the snakehead: an epic tale of the chinatown underworld and the american dream - not quite as tremendous-feeling as say nothing, but that's mostly because that's a crazy high bar; this is a really fascinating look at the human smuggling trade (& other organized-ish crime) in NYC's chinatown in the 80s/90s, including the middle aged woman who was at the heart of much of it. contains: some totally deranged gang warfare stories; a really fascinating look at the weirdness of chinese immigration policy in the 90s, when china's one-child policy pushed normally anti-immigration republicans to switch on this issue for pro-life reasons (the one child policy... maybe the one thing every american politician shares the same view on, for different reasons?); interesting background on fujian, the high-outmigration region of china from whence many of the principles in this story came; an accounting of an insane boat journey gone so wrong that at one point after the would-be migrants have been trapped in a harbor off the coast of africa (i forget which country), when they finally leave, two of them decide to stay because the chinese restaurant they've opened is doing so well. i keep thinking about the fact keefe highlights that of the hundreds of doomed migrants on this hugely traumatic journey who wound up deported after crash-landing, nearly all of them eventually made their way back to the US.

kazuo ishiguro, nocturnes - my first ishiguro since my teen ishiguro phase (a concept that should really be regarded the way that teens getting into heavy metal and grunge is in pop culture e.g. a sign to check in on their mental health lmao). didn't love these but i can't tell if that's because i prefer ishiguro as a novelist or because i'm just bad at reading short stories... also to be fair there were at least 2 ishiguro novels i read back then and was like "the fuck was that" lol. some very funny moments and a lot of like, amusing portraits of unlikable people, and i do love his style, which is like, a pathologically conversational first person that years of reading since has taught me is much more technically difficult than it looks, but ultimately it felt pretty slight.

naomi klein, doppleganger: a trip into the mirror world - klein takes on, like, "the wellness to alt right pipeline" is an oversimplification but topics in that neck of the woods, inspired by the wack ass shit constantly being tweeted by Other Naomi (wolf), with whom klein is frequently confused on twitter. this is an inherently very funny premise for a book and a lot of what klein says is in my view pretty accurate, and some of her literary/theoretical musings on dopplegangers as a Thing are interesting to read, plus the whole thing is on topics of interest to me, aka Alt Right Derangement And Weird Shit People Are Up To Online. however..... so klein says that she herself was very offline until covid happened, basically, and so if you have been online longer, and especially if you have been actively reading stuff about Weird Shit People Are Up To Online, then this book is basically a smart person catching up with topics you yourself already know a lot about. so in a funny way i found this a more enjoyable read than the shock doctrine, because it's less of an unrelenting fucking bummer about human evil and suffering, but it was also less enriching, because she didn't really bring any new insight to topics that, again, are probably in the top 5 of Post Headlines I'm Most Likely To Click On. like yeah, deranged alt right types are using the language of social justice and inequality and bodily autonomy to further their various causes... tru... i mean it is tru... i also think the fact that her default is a Not Online person who only changed her vibe after covid makes her a bit more of an internet doomer bc she doesn't viscerally get the nontoxic value possible to find in Online through diligent curation lol. but i do think it was a solid accounting of the subcultures and and ideologies she explores so like i said i basically liked it and if you're less tuned into weird internet radicalization currents than i am you will probably find it informative!

suzanna clarke, piranesi - i don't even know what to say about this one, probably tied with tender as my favorite book i read last year (strong fantasy year for me i guess). it's so crazy that suzanna clarke wrote jonathan strange & mr. norrell, the most perfect book of all time, and then did this, which is also the most perfect book of all time, in a completely different way. her gift for atmosphere and voice is second to none and in this one she uses it to draw us into caring so deeply for a narrator who can't even remember his own past - the book in some ways is a mystery and the doling out of information is perfectly paced but the reason it works is because we just love this guy because of how much he loves the universe. the final chapter expresses something about survival & upheaval & change (&, sure, trauma, if you want) that, as i said before & will come as no surprise, is so so so precisely keyed into an idea so deeply important to me... ahh! just sublime!

v. c. andrews, flowers in the attic - book club!! this book is CRAZY but there's only two real things i want to say about it: (1) a lot of what's totally deranged about it is that on the one hand, it has the most gothic novel ass set-up ever - horrible incest house of dark secrets and shame, children literally living in an attic, physical decay, etc. etc. - and on the other hand in all other respects its sensibilities are the most american 70s suburban ass thing, so that it's like, a gothic novel where the evil mother goes to secretary school and the kids watch sitcoms and cut construction paper in the secret attic... like, the tonal clash is soooo crazy, it's incredible; and (2) ok so like by the time it happens you 100% want those siblings to fuck. like. you just do.

suzanna clarke, jonathan strange and mr. norrell - counting this as last year even though i read the second half in january lol. ummm best book in the world. third time through and i genuinely think it gets better every time. most purely pleasurable reading experience of all time.

stephanie mccurry, confederate reckoning: power and politics in the civil war south - ditto re timing (technically i have like a couple pages of this one left and a few more quotes to post lol). i picked this back up as a comfort reread after the election and it slaps so hard it's crazy. love to read about how a bunch of war-losing loser traitors lost in no small part because it's hard to wage war as a modern state committed to resisting the tides of modernity!!!! sucks 2 suck!!!!!

listened

maude latour, sugar water - i'm kind of obsessed with maude latour not in terms of being obsessively in love with her music, although i think she's very good, but because she's my go-to example of someone out here doing girlpop toiling away in the spotify minds unremuneratively who i would easily and even gladly swap fame-wise with basically any of the pop girls in our current rising class (thinking of olivia/chappell/sabrina... none of whom are like terrible - well ok i have yet to hear a chappell roan song i think is actually good lol but i guess she can sing and it's nice that she's gay - but also alleged newcomers like tate mcrae? addison whoever? madison beer? these are not real people stop trying to act like they're real people! ladyraven ass pop girls...). she just makes really solid, well written, inventive but still catchy pop. i returned to this short album a lot more than i expected to, often thinking i wanted to hear just the first song (a standout) and then realizing i was happy to let the rest play through. also gay stuff, if you care about that.

sabrina carpenter, short n sweet - like it's all very competent and espresso deserves its flowers but who cares? who could possibly ever care? i've been SUCH an antonoff apologist and please please please is the first song where i felt like i was hearing him as his haters hear him, it sounds like shit. there are better moments and worse moments, some ok lines, she can sing, etc., but where's the vision? where's the personality? nothing to grab on to.

beabadoobee, this is how tomorrow moves - beabadoobee is obviously talented and intelligent and her music sounds enough like a kind of music i like that i always feel like i should like her more... but i think she's a little too stripped down and sophisticated for me. that said "ever seen" was one of my top songs of 2024, total absolute BANGER

charly bliss, forever - doesn't quite live up to the heights of young enough, but given that young enough is a strong contender for my favorite album of the past decade, i'm not really sure it could. this one is pop-punkier and very hooky lots of fun, and i just love eva's taffy-pull voice and wanna listen to her sing anything. also it has a song that sounds so much like a pop punk version of a kesha song it's legit uncanny to me.

pom pom squad, mirror starts moving without me - big step up from their last album, IMO, and i liked that a lot too! ambitious in an interesting way but also lots of fun. this one also has a song that at points sounds so much like a kesha song it's crazy, as does a 2023 album i was recently listening to by underscores... i feel like we're living in a big post-kesha moment and i don't know if anyone is appreciating it enough...

pale waves, smitten - i agree with pale waves that "what if avril lavigne got really into shoegaze and was also gay" is a great idea for an album. really pretty production on this one!

070 shake, petrichor - my friend dave was like "this album might be bad but i'm obsessed with it" and i listened out of solidarity and was like, i don't like this but i can understand why you specifically would. friendship!

charli xcx, brat and it's completely different but it's still brat - i never really listen to enough albums to justify having an album of the year but something about the release of the remix album really opened up the whole project to me and i was completely obsessed with it for a while and still love it. track by track most of the remixes are not quite as good as the original track (although some, like caroline polacheck's gorgeous turn on everything is romantic, are definite upgrades), but something about the spirit of generosity that infuses the project, the way it makes it all feel like a project more than an album, the sense that charli has thrown this party and she's invited up and coming spanish rapper bbtrix alongside ariana grande, the way it's less disciplined than the album proper but more expansive, at some points grimier and clubbier and at other points more emotive and romantic... idk. feels like a whole world. the so i remix alone, like - releasing a sad song about your friend who died, and then releasing a faster song about all the fun shit you used to do, that sounds more like a song your dead friend would have produced, is one of the most loving acts i have ever seen committed through art and it made me cry even though i never connected with SOPHIE's music bc i'm not really cool enough to be into hyperpop. rooting for charli at the grammies even though i know it's not gonna happen lmao.

other

jenny holzer at the guggenheim - there was a jenny holzer installation at the guggenheim!! it was really cool!! i finally understood something @rgr-pop said years ago about how it matters that she is a visual artist and her words (incredible as they often are as words) appear physically in a space. it is in fact Different, to see them in a space. in addition to The Classics (i got so fannishly excited spotting IT IS IN YOUR SELF INTEREST TO FIND A WAY TO BE VERY TENDER lmao), the installation also included a lot of her more recent and more overtly political stuff, some of which engaged specifically with the bush ii administration & iraq/afghanistan, which made for intense viewing given that i happened to go right around the time i read the shock doctrine (as did spotting the one about how mothers who have a reason to cry should do so in public....). jenny holzer is great! so glad i could experience that!

#isabel 2k24 #media 2k24 #OK now those can finally be put to bed lol

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