#at a certain point it becomes a problem of expectations beyond what the tool is capable of accomplishing

[amplexadversary]

I think the biggest thing that is necessary to take into consideration with tumblr polls is that tumblr is 1) THE mischievous responder bias website and 2) tumblr is not a WELL designed website (it just fails to be actively hostile like its "peers") and that creates noise that people can't really control. Getting a rigorous survey is one of the more difficult problems in statistics because potential sources of bias are popping out of every detail, but tumblr in particular makes effectively no effort to control that bias (and introduces several unique sources of its own).

All that is to say if you want to run a poll that's any more rigorous than "hehe just for fun" you kind of have to approach it from the beginning intending to use outside tools to count exact numbers of votes and be ready to do some math to get around the site's limitations.

can you tell that there's something bothering me

[kafkaoftherubble]

做工前，聊一下JJK 245

This rambling is about Chapter 245 of the Jujutsu Kaisen manga!

Anime only, please turn away and feast your eyes on Itadori's Goat Moment (more like a Pyrrhic victory, damn) instead!

Yea, this chapter ain't doing it for me.

There's this faction in r/Jujutsushi that thinks most of a reader's criticism against C245 is because of how Confiscation ultimately worked. Instead of taking away Sukuna's Cursed Technique, it takes away his cursed tool (christened "Dumbell Maracas" by me) and leaves Sukuna's techniques and CE intact. Our heroes seemed to have not gained any purchase.

Then people, like the dude in the link above, would explain that this is literally how Confiscation should work in the real world, i.e. "taking away possessions such as guns." This KLReviews fella summed it up really well: "He (Sukuna) can pay his fines so the Judge charges him."

After ghost-reading Reddit for a bit, I've come to expect this emerging pattern every time after a rebuttal-against-criticism post like this one: a certain subset of people begin to believe that all critics have only one "actual" argument against the chapter—and the rest are just their emotions and biases talking. This time, the Actual Argument, in their mind, is "the problem with Confiscation." Then, with a rebuttal like this post existing, critics of C245 now somehow lose ground and can only rant more or less from being butthurt over their feelings or unrealized headcanons.

But really, what if our criticisms aren't centered on the blueballing of Confiscation?

I was really excited to see C244 be devoted to the gang trying to workshop a plan based on Japanese laws so that their capricious Judge Shinigami could mete out the best sentences for their advantage. The previous chapters had been balls-to-the-walls insane—to me, the chapters recalled Stephen Chow's "Mo Le Tau" style comedy I'd grown up on. I'm sure the Japanese reader and others will be reminded of their own familiar kinds of comedy styles—and even managed to give us insights into Takaba's psyche.

With C244, I was really getting ready to see the battle becoming a (brief?) legal procedural drama where it became a bit of a showdown of wits between Sukuna, Itadori, and Higuruma. What defense will Sukuna shore up? What critical hits will Higgy bring up?

I was so ready that I haunted my amazing ass friend who dabbles in law and pestered them to give me a crash course or an essay about things. Man, I learned quite a lot just from the conversation at the tail of C244.

Sukuna was always told to be this genius chessmaster with high IQ and whatnot, so pitting him in a courtroom drama and watching him quickly learn the ropes would have been the best show-not-tell ever. And yes! A little insight into Sukuna's backstory would be a great bonus. I'm not badgering Gege over that, but I know a lot of others care a ton about this for good reasons.

And if his Cleave and Dismantle were Confiscated, well, we would be able to see how good Sukuna throws down with pure Cursed Energy + Cursed Tool (that Dumbell Maracas) and, of course, his "⬛: Open" secret technique. However, this is again, beside the point.

I really wanted to see Sukuna show his chops in an arena beyond fighting, even if just a bit. And I thought it was the best arena for our protagonists to even the odds, too.

But no. Sukuna just went I AM BORED "Skip Ad" and then the verdict and then hooray, his Dumbell Maracas was the one Confiscated and he had his CT and CE intact. Don't worry; I'm sure Sukuna will win and get his confiscated tool back, too. It's literally in his contract that he cannot lose—it's like Steven Seagal, but way less pathetic.

Someone even had the audacity to say that this """proves""" Sukuna is "very high intelligent" because he "predicted" he's gonna face Higgy and so had this Dumbell Maracas at the ready to thwart Higgy's domain. Bruh. Can brain cells also be pulled out of an ass?

Because this specific show of intelligence is also kinda... ass-pully. Why would Sukuna know this would happen if Higgy himself didn't, and that this had never happened before in Higgy's Domain Expansion career? It's as if Sukuna had read the script and had a hand in its writing while everyone is at the mercy of Gege's chef skills. You know, the way we readers are, too.

I couldn't find this^ comment in that Reddit post now. It's probably nestled too deep in some of the threads.

I really don't mind Sukuna winning the court case in Higgy's Domain; most of us predicted that. Again, Sukuna Seagal. It's the process. The meat of the writing is in the process and Gege flunked that one with yet another instance of lazy writing. Come now! Takaba vs. Kenjaku was really good. I thought it signaled a momentum. It didn't.

C245 disappointed me for what I see as yet another case of "lazy writing" masquerading as "ineffable maverick subverting expectations while "clearly" setting up the twist at the beginning."

Yea, no. I'm not convinced. I translated enough hack novels and logic-challenged self-indulgent power fantasies as my work, that I can kinda catch what lazy writing looks like. This fits the bill.

Last thought: I honestly don't know why some people are so allergic to criticismS against a cherished author. CriticismSSSS. With plural. Lest one somehow believed it was "just one valid criticism (which I then rebutted!) and the rest are all dudes melting and seething". Also, hey, I'm not abandoning the JJK ship. I like the stuff. I can feel disappointment and dismay precisely because I like this stuff. It happens. You sometimes don't love everything about this thing.

Thank you for reading my ramble.

------ ----- --------

Links in this rambling, in order of appearance, will take you to:

r/Jujutsushi - "Catered, in-depth, text-based manga discussion of the series Jujutsu Kaisen by Gege Akutami. "

comedytradeschool.com - "MASTERING THE ART OF COMEDY: UNRAVELING THE GENIUS OF STEPHEN CHOW’S NONSENSE HUMOR." It divulges a bit on this style of comedy.

An additional entry to understand "Mo Le Tau" is in Wikipedia.

--------

Tagging @karasukarei because this is the rant I have been holding up, but I waited for the official chapter to drop before going off anyway 😂. For specifics we discuss in Discord hahaha EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE WORKING

[thrayambikavidyamandir]

How to Choose the Right School in Nagercoil

For every parent Choosing a school wisely is the most crucial of decisions. The educational institutions of Nagercoil have been time and again demonstrating their focus on quality education, discipline, and values. Among these, numerous families prefer Thrayambika Vidya Mandir School. They believe it is the most appropriate place for their children’s learning journey.

What Makes Parents Search for the Best Schools in Nagercoil?

Nagercoil is a large urban environment with a plenitude of schools with frequent changes in teaching and academic environment. As the educational environment turns more and more competitive, parents' expectations are changing drastically. The use of only books is no longer attractive to them. Beyond what a school provided in the past, they now demand schools that can help them grow, not just academically, but also in character and real-life skills. Hence, selecting schools in Nagercoil that are not just all about the local area or the fees but about trust, safety, learning, and values is the main criterion.

What are the most attractive features of schools in Nagercoil?

Nagercoil schools are the best in the following respects:

Quality in academics is one of the priorities.

Campuses are not just safe, but they are also places where students feel at home.

They always have a great emphasis on moral and cultural values.

Totally committed teachers

Enough time for sports and labor equally well with academics

Parents are in search of schools that do not only prepare their children for exams but also for life. It is at this point that a school like Thrayambika Vidya Mandir comes into the picture.

Thrayambika Vidya Mandir—A Trusted Name in Nagercoil

Out of all the Nagercoil schools, Thrayambika Vidya Mandir School is the one that our family chose after going to many, as it felt like the right place regardless of any other reasons. It truly was the vibe we got when we visited for the first time that convinced us. The teachers showed genuine concern and were very welcoming. There was so much vibration in the classrooms, and learning was almost a game rather than a serious task.

This school is very much into subjects, sports, arts, and life skills. The children learn how to put across their ideas, communicate effectively, and behave well. We were certain that this was the right place for our child to learn and develop.

A School That Instills Skills and Builds Character

Grades are no longer the only thing that children should work on in today's world; it's part of the education system. Beyond them, they have to get to know problem-solving, speaking in public with courage, and facing hard times. Schools in Nagercoil, such as Thrayambika, infuse these abilities and attitudes into their children during their early life cycle. In Thrayambika, children are very confident in raising questions and experimenting with their ideas. Although the school’s teaching tools are modern, the core is still the values.

Teachers also work with parents aside from the students, not just the teachers. They tell parents about the latest information about their child and also provide assistance in taking care of the needs of each child. This also has a significant impact on the way children learn.

Why We Suggest You Enroll in Thrayambika School

We chose Thrayambika because it has everything we’re looking for in a school. A good education, safety, values, and support are some of the features that the school offers. They don’t focus solely on exams but on improving morally as a person. The school has become a second home for our child.

We met some parents who also held the same opinion as we did. They too agreed that this school gave their children happiness, more courage, and a greater chance of success in life.

If you want to send your child to schools (in Nagercoil) that have the same care and concern for your child's development and future, Thrayambika Vidya Mandir is the school to visit.

Some Final Words about the Schools of Nagercoil

Although the schools in Nagercoil are continuing to improve their level of education, parents are now much more involved in this sector, so schools must meet new and higher standards. If you want to see your child grow into a person for whom learning is a breeze, morals are a priority, and constant teacher support, then Thrayambika Vidya Mandir is the best school to be at in Nagercoil.

[subb01]

Top Skills You Need to Become a Data Scientist in 2025

The world is evolving rapidly — and so is the role of a Data Scientist. As we move toward 2025, data science is no longer a niche career option. It’s a core function in nearly every industry, from healthcare and finance to marketing, logistics, and entertainment.

But here’s the big question: What skills do you need to thrive as a data scientist in 2025?

Whether you're starting fresh or upgrading your skillset, this blog will give you a roadmap to stay relevant and future-ready.

1. Programming Skills – Python & SQL Still Rule

Python continues to dominate as the go-to language for data science. Its libraries like Pandas, NumPy, Scikit-learn, and TensorFlow make data manipulation and machine learning much easier.

SQL, on the other hand, is essential for data querying. No matter how fancy your ML model is, you still need to pull the right data — and SQL is your best tool for that.

Bonus: Knowing R, Spark, or Julia can be a plus for certain specialized roles.

2. Statistics and Probability

Without a strong foundation in stats, you're just guessing. You don’t need to be a mathematician, but understanding concepts like distributions, p-values, A/B testing, and Bayesian thinking is key.

This helps you ask better questions, validate results, and build stronger models.

3. Machine Learning & Deep Learning

Companies expect data scientists to go beyond analysis — they want predictive power.

Understanding machine learning algorithms like regression, decision trees, random forests, SVMs, and neural networks is crucial. And with the rise of generative AI and deep learning, knowing frameworks like TensorFlow, PyTorch, or Keras is becoming more valuable than ever.

4. Data Visualization and Communication

What’s the point of finding insights if no one understands them?

You need to turn complex results into clear, visual stories. Tools like Tableau, Power BI, Matplotlib, or Seaborn can help you craft dashboards or reports that even non-technical stakeholders can appreciate.

Great data scientists aren’t just number crunchers — they’re storytellers.

5. Cloud and Big Data Technologies

In 2025, data is too big to fit on your laptop. Familiarity with platforms like AWS, Google Cloud, or Azure, and tools like Hadoop or Spark, will be game-changers. These allow you to process large datasets at scale, which is a must-have for roles in big organizations.

6. Soft Skills and Business Acumen

The most underrated but powerful skills?

Critical thinking

Problem-solving

Team collaboration

Understanding the business context

Companies don’t just need data — they need actionable insights that drive ROI. That’s where soft skills meet technical brilliance.

Want to Start Learning Right Now?

If you’re excited to explore this high-growth field, you don’t need to wait. You can start learning the fundamentals of data science for free, right now.

🎥 Watch this beginner-friendly, hands-on Data Science YouTube course that covers all the essentials — from Python and ML basics to real-life projects.

👉 Click here to watch

Whether you're switching careers or upgrading your resume, this course is a solid first step into a thriving future.

[loversandantiheroes]

Can. Can we talk about how dexterous and clever Whiskey’s hands are. Can we talk about how strong and nimble and skilled they are. Can we.

(Hands anon) And honestly I’m a Frankie and Mando girl as well, you KNOW they hands are just as good 👌🙌

I want you to know I have tried to come back to this ask I don’t know HOW many times, but I always get incredibly distracted and just kind of stare into space with my eyes glazed over for like forty-five minutes.  Can’t imagine why...

1.8k words of pure hand-related yearning featuring Din, Frankie, Whiskey, and a bonus Ezra bc I was compelled.

Din’s hands are exactly what you’d expect in some ways - broad and strong as vise-grips, but meticulously deft when it comes to things that require care, whether that’s stripping down his weapons to clean them or patching your wounds (a surprise in and of itself given the impatient, almost flippant way he tends to the holes in his own hide).  What is surprising is just how soft his hands are under those ever-present gloves.  If you ever bring it up he’ll only huff a laugh, insisting his hands are as much a part of his toolkit as his weapons and his armor, and he wouldn’t be much of a Mandalorian if he didn’t take care of his tools.  Unpainted beskar needs to be cleaned and polished frequently, his guns need to be maintained, and the leather of his gloves need oiling to stay supple.  And his hands, too, need maintaining.  And well, hide is hide, and the oil he uses on his leathers goes a long way towards making sure his hands don’t crack or chap.

He’s a man of opposites, especially once you start to get past his defenses.  He can be absolutely unyielding and also shockingly gentle.  With the armor on he can be almost brazen about the way he touches you, particularly if what’s between you is purely physical.  Just scratching an itch?  Oh, he can do that, that’s easy.  And those hands can lock you down better than any binders.  But if it becomes more than that, if he starts pulling you close when he’s just down to his flight suit and there’s no cold press of metal between you, and finally works up the courage to pull those soft-worn gloves off?  It’s hard to imagine this is the same man.  He’s hesitant.  Nearly timid, you think at first, until you realize his hands aren’t trembling just from nerves but from the effort of control.  Touch is a luxury Din has never been afforded, something new to learn in the dark of his bunk with you pressed up against him with your back to his chest, overwhelmed by the simple contact of his fingers curling hesitantly around your own.  Give him time to breathe, to process, to touch without fear that it will overload him or that he might by some pure accident of excitement touch too hard and hurt when he doesn’t mean to (it is, he still thinks on his more rueful days, what he is built for; not this tenderness).  Your patience will absolutely be rewarded.

Frankie’s a bit of a different story, bless his heart.  His nails are starting to look a little less ragged these days - the nicotine gum has gone a long way towards both helping him back off the cigarettes and keep him from chewing them ragged when his anxiety’s off the rails - but given when he’s grounded he tends to go for more hands-on jobs, his hands can take a horrible beating.  If he’s not seeing anyone he doesn’t bother much trying to take care of them beyond pumice soap and the occasional application of vaseline or bag balm in the winter time when they get chapped.  But if that should change, suddenly he’s blisteringly self-conscious about his hands.  The spots where the skin is rough and peeling, the calluses that he’ll never be able to file down and the ones he is only just beginning to see fade (index finger, between the first and middle digits - his thumb still worries over it absently, as if trying to rub it out).  He buys a nail brush, starts using balm every night, trying to work the coarseness out of his hands before he ever dares to touch you with them. 

And god he wants to touch you.  Touch is a grounding thing for him, a much-needed anchor to keep him in the here and now.  If he’s near enough you’re almost certain to find his hands on you - snaking his fingers between yours, or resting his hand light and warm against your thigh when you come along for a drink with the boys, or pressing his palm flat and solid against your back to keep you steady when he walks you to the car after.  And that’s maybe the thing that clings to your bones the strongest: how safe those hands make you feel.  He’ll learn your body until he knows every dip and curve, knows the paths to skate his fingertips along, where to press in deep, where to only graze until he’s got every nerve singing.  But it’s that sense of safety that overwhelms you, that feeling when his hands cup your face or settle gently on your hips or close warmly around your own that there isn’t a force in the world that could hurt you as long as he’s there. 

Tell him so.  Fold his hands up in your own, brush your lips over his knuckles, and tell him that you know you’re in good hands - in the best hands.  It’ll nearly crack his heart in half to hear it.  He knows what those hands have done, no matter how hard he’s tried to wash them clean of it.  But if they can make you feel safe, then maybe they’re worth something after all.

Whiskey is too vain not to take care of his hands, let’s be honest. Though there is a bit of practicality to his vanity - there always is, somehow, like the grain of sand that spawns a pearl.  He learned early enough that if he was fool enough not to take care of his hands it played hell with his ability to use them properly, and much like Din, he fully recognizes that his hands are as much a necessary tool as anything Statesman could provide him.  Decades of experience with his lasso, whip, and guns have left the palms of his hands thickly callused (his right only slightly more so than his left), but careful attention has assured they’re never outright rough.  The way he uses those hands, though, that’s a different story.  They’re strong and shockingly clever, and just as greedy as the rest of him.  Whiskey has a permanent case of Roman hands and Russian fingers, all too likely to have his hand dangerously high up your thigh in public (and far higher still if you’ll let him), but always just out of the view of the people around you.  He’s a menace, through and through, but rest assured, he won’t be putting his hands on you unless he’s sure you want that (and if you do, he will absolutely make every second count - he is as greedy for your pleasure as he is his own).

If he’s managed to get himself in a state where there’s more than just his libido involved, well, it’d be disingenuous to suggest that tactile greed ever goes away, there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of that, but it does change.  He still wants to touch you (there isn’t a second in the day this man does not want to be touching you, somehow in some way), but it’s different.  It’s smaller touches among the big ones, almost innocuous.  Fixing your necklace when it’s crooked.  An idle stroke of his thumb along your wrist, or a brush of his fingers along your forehead to sweep the hair out of your eyes.  Helping you in or out of your coat, or taking a knee to do up the laces of your winter boots, or nuzzling ever so briefly into the back of your neck while his clever fingers cinch up a knot into the new apron you bought while you were on a baking kick.  The man’s got twenty years of latent domesticity stored up and he can’t quite help it if you bring it out in him.

When you meet Ezra, he’s down to just the one hand, though you don’t quite notice at first.  You're making your introductions - new dig crew, small, but seemingly well-seasoned, even counting the young girl that keeps a nervous orbit around Ezra - not quite clocking the way his right arm moves just a little different under the thick fabric of his suit until you close your hand around his and feel the hardness of metal under his glove.  If anyone is bold enough to ask how he lost the arm, he’ll just give a grin and insist it is not lost: he remembers exactly where he left it.  His remaining hand is striking somehow when you first see it without the thick gloves on.  Wide palm, thick fingers, a prominent thumb joint.  A small black target tattooed there in the webbing between his thumb and forefinger.  But his right hand, his new hand, he never takes the glove off of that one.  It’s accident the first time you see the thing in full, poking your head in his tent to let him know breakfast is running a little late on account of a brief problem with the water pump.  You find him sitting on his bunk in a battered thermal shirt with one sleeve cut off, his suit shoved down to his waist as he wrestles the prosthetic into place as Cee adjusts the harness over his shoulders.  It’s by no means top of the line, but it’s no cheap thing, that much you can tell.  The fingers, you know by now are fully articulated, and you can see now the digits and palm are thickly padded with silicone grips.  Ezra’s face hardens at the intrusion, Cee freezing behind him like a startled deer.  But then he sees it’s only you and the tension drains, his face softening, and he assures you they’ll both be out in a tick, just as soon as he’s made himself presentable.

It’s weeks later that you realize he’s only ever touched you with his right hand once.  Just the handshake that first day.  It’s tough to notice, honestly.  He’s not one to crowd into your space if you don’t want it, unless of course he’s trying to make a point.  You remember the floater that had wandered into your camp trying to make trouble, and the way Ezra had put a seemingly amiable hand on the man’s shoulder as he talked, smiling big and broad, and it wasn’t until the man cried out, dropping to his knees and clutching uselessly at his shoulder that you realized the full strength he carries in that prosthetic.  But every time Ezra is close enough to you to touch, it’s his left that finds you.  He makes a point of it, even going so far as to stay to your right when you walk together, but you don’t fully notice until one day he turns to you with an awkward twist to take hold of your arm with his left rather than his right.

It’s later, much later, in the dim quiet of your own tent, when the small touches finally snowball into something larger and more urgent and finally you feel that hand on you, bare and broad and warm as he cups the back of your neck to draw you close, and he almost laughs into your mouth when you suddenly ask him why he does that.

“Dear heart, if I am to touch you, I mean to feel it.”

Perma-Tag: @missredherring @dovesnroses @astroboots @magpierhymes @alienprincesspoop @aasimarr @maythxthirstbxwithyou @recklesswit

Pedro Perma-Tag: @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @corvueros @thirstworldproblemss @littleferal @krissology @frannyzooey @Forallthestarsinthesky @princess76179

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi! I was scrolling through the otherkin tag (as one does) and saw on an ask you answered that you hated DNIs and didn’t want to go into it on that ask. So I’m curious now- why do you hate DNIs? I don’t have a DNI, and I’m not out to try and change your mind. I’ve just never seen anyone say outright that they didn’t like DNIs, so I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I ended up indeed going into it later, because people kept sending in asks about it, so this tag exists now, but in summary:

- I don't necessarily hate the existence of DNIs, because they can be a useful tool in certain circumstances, but I hate that they're starting to become an expectation/requirement and that it's now considered "creepy/suspicious" in a growing number of communities to not have one. It should not be an obligation to basically list your political stances, discourse opinions, and triggers - you know, things you can be attacked for/people can use to hurt you - in any circumstance, least of all on the Internet where anyone can see it.

- For that matter, putting a list of things that can hurt you in public where anyone can see it and know exactly how to target you if they want to hurt/harass you is a bad idea, whether it's a social requirement or not. Full stop. Unless you are in a relatively small group where you know the intentions of the people there (and often not even then!), it is not a good idea to tell people how to effectively hurt you on the Internet.

- I hate it when people put "[x bigoted group] DNI" at the bottom of actual discussion-type content posts (as opposed to, like, aesthetics and stuff), such as people putting "TERFs DNI" at the bottom of posts about feminism, because a) if you're worried about your post appealing to that group, maybe you should reexamine your post's content, b) I've seen firsthand more than once that those groups, TERFs especially, will purposely put "[x] DNI" at the bottom of their crypto-rhetoric posts in order to turn people's critical thinking skills off and make them more likely to accept the crypto rhetoric (foot-in-the-door tactic), and c) even if it's not intentionally malicious like the last point, it still makes it so the OP's post is suddenly immune to criticism, because "hey this comes off a little transphobic" can be met with "how dare you call me a transphobe?? I said 'TERFs DNI' right there!!1!", which, again, has to do with the whole "turning people's critical thinking skills off" problem.

- On a similar note, I hate this recent trend toward performative activism and "racists/transphobes/homophobes/etc. DNI!1!" feels like another permutation of that; I don’t like people demanding/expecting me to announce all my political opinions right out the gate. It should be my decision whether or not I want to share sensitive information about myself (and if you’re scoffing at the idea of a political opinion being “sensitive information” - if it can get you, again, harassed and attacked by a complete stranger, it’s sensitive information).

- People seem to forget that people can, will, and do lie on their DNIs and bios. Predators will lie about being "under 18” in order to make minors they’re interacting with feel safe and let their guard down. TERFs will lie about “transphobes DNI!” to ensure their crypto rhetoric spreads and gets a foot in the door of trans-supporting people’s thought processes. All “it’s to let the people affected by [bigotry] know I’m safe,” which is something I hear sometimes, really means is that the bigot in question only has to put up a DNI to make the people they’re planning to target lower their guard. There is nothing guaranteeing that someone actually believes what their DNI implies they believe. It’s an illusion of safety that just doesn’t - and, really, can’t - exist on the internet, by the internet’s nature. And people thinking they’re safer than they really are is what gets people hurt because they stopped being careful. I’m not saying people need to (or should) live in fear, but relying on DNIs is not a sustainable solution, imho.

- I hate people using DNIs/BYFs as an alternative to blocklists because it often becomes essentially them forcing other people to curate their internet experience for them, and then getting mad (or hurt) when that doesn't work out for reasons that should be obvious. Especially when you take it to the extreme of trying to regulate anyone who reblogs your posts, which I have seen sometimes - you can't seriously expect people to check the OP of every single person whose post they reblog to make sure they agree with your opinions on fandom discourse; that's untenable and it can only lead to people getting hurt. You are the only person who is - and the only person who can be - responsible for your internet experience. Curate your own space.

- as a minor point, "standard DNI criteria" is becoming a popular phrase and it's frankly a useless phrase because there's no such thing. Beyond "racists/homophobes/transphobes" there's literally no telling what a given person includes in what's "standard" - pro- or anti-ship? SFW agereg/petreg blogs? DDLG? Steven Universe fans? inclusionists or exclusionists? There is no "standard." (But then, I feel like how common that phrase is becoming says something about exactly how performative and empty the trend of DNIs is as a whole at this point in time.)

- also as a minor point, I am frankly just not a fan of how often DNIs put things like "Steven Universe fan" and "neonazi" right next to each other like they're the same level of bad. I recognize consciously that this is not the intention, but it sure does come off that way sometimes. It reminds me a bit too much of those callout posts that have six pages about the person's bad opinions on anime or whatever and only then go "oh yeah and also they sexually abused, threatened, and sent their friends to harass a minor and we have screenshot evidence of all of that. anyway here's three more pages about why their art is bad because they drew a 16-year-old in a crop top one time".

And, let me be very clear here: I do not hate people who have DNIs, nor do I want to act like they're never useful. They are, sometimes! But I do feel they're being misused and they're starting to become an expectation and that's a huge problem, for the same reason that people trying to force everyone to put their age/basic personal information in their bios is a problem - it's a safety concern. I am honestly convinced that at this point, in most circumstances, DNIs are doing more harm than good.

If you want to use a DNI, that's up to you, and it's not like I'm gonna harass people about it ('s why I started that "dni critical" tag, so people could who don't want to read this stuff could avoid it) - but I want people to at least understand the risks they're taking depending on how they go about it. If it's useful to you, then good, I'm genuinely glad! It just concerns me how it's being treated by the larger Internet right now.

(And, of course, that's all just my personal subjective opinion - take what you like, leave what you don't. You're more than welcome to disagree with me; this is not a make-or-break argument for me, just one I have strong feelings about xD)

[utilitycaster]

Actual Play: How it works

This is a collection of how I think of actual play as a medium, because TTRPG actual play is a unique one - a combination of improvisation, a rule set, and randomizing elements. This isn’t fully comprehensive, and I may add to it in the future as I come up with more ideas. I’m also thinking of providing some examples/more in-depth stuff for the items in separate posts, so please let me know if that’s something you would want.

Most of the observations here heavily skew towards D&D and Pathfinder actual play, as they are what I know best. Other systems I’ve listened to (PbtA, Cortex, Savage Worlds) fit in here as well, but this may not apply to all actual play, particularly GM-less games or games that are primarily played as one-shots.

Finally, and I say this only because it is a recurring problem on the social media that I happen to find incredibly irritating: you are also welcome and encouraged to have other opinions, disagree with me, dislike all of this, etc. If you have things to say, my inbox is the best place; this is too long for multiple reblogs and this is a sideblog so replies are tricky. However, if you are the kind of person who is inclined to say things like “Actually, there was an exception to this rule! It’s in the backmasked audio at 06:59:32 in the outtakes of episode 192c of Dungeons and Discotheques! :)” I would like to provide you with this actual play line quote from Adaine Abernant in Fantasy High: I think that you feel like you have a lot to offer, and please take this the right way... you don't.

Onto the thoughts, below the jump!

On narrative devices and rules and the random element:

Foreshadowing is possible, but limited to specific circumstances. A GM can (and should) foreshadow! The point of foreshadowing is to set expectations, and GMs should have hints that indicate things about the world that the party may encounter later, provide potential plot hooks, or otherwise provide the party with information. Similarly, players can do things that nod towards as of yet unrevealed elements of their backstories. However, it is impossible to deliberately foreshadow plot resolutions, because it is unknown what they will be. That doesn’t mean that in retrospect things may happen that echo back to earlier events, but the intent to foreshadow was not there - it’s a happy accident.

I don’t want to say normal narrative rules don’t apply because what are the normal narrative rules, really? However, I think an important thing to emphasize is that narrative satisfaction is not guaranteed. This is especially true if the cast has agreed character death is an option, but even beyond that, an unlucky or lucky roll can seemingly cut an arc short or take things in a weird and unforeseen direction. Because there is an element of randomness, randomness will occur. This, along with the character agency I discuss later, is one of my favorite things about actual play. It strips out the need for a moral or message or specific beats - not that those can’t arise, but they can’t be forced - and as such it can make for unusual, creative, and very true-to-life stories even in a fantasy setting.

On character role, viewpoint and agency:

Actual play stories have an ensemble of viewpoint characters (the PCs). This is perhaps the clearest restriction that exists, at least in all of the game systems I’ve mentioned. There is no good way to depict NPCs acting on their own unless the PCs have a way to observe them, unseen (magical or mundane). It is extremely difficult to have one player play multiple PCs, and if a player leaves there is not a good way to recast their PC. This doesn’t mean NPCs can’t do things with each other offscreen that have implications for the story, nor that PCs can’t come and go or become NPCs, but it does mean a good GM is very careful about NPC interactions because it gets very boring and non-collaborative very quickly to watch someone talk with themselves.

The PCs hold a level of agency that characters in other media do not. Statements about how the characters have a mind of their own in original fiction aside (sidebar: I am team ‘they don’t, you just didn’t realize that the way you wrote their personality and the way you wrote your plot conflicted until you actually started writing it out, which is very understandable’) PCs do in fact have a mind of their own separate from the GM and from each other.

Something I like about this is that unless you are coming up with conspiracy theories regarding the interpersonal dynamics of the players themselves (in which case I think you’re both a creep and a weirdo (derogatory)) or if the GM is not respecting player agency (which I feel is usually very easy to see; see below for more on that) you do not get cases of “these characters are together simply because the author felt like pairing them off” as can happen in scripted media. Any romantic relationship is, inherently, a mutually agreed choice between the originators of these characters, and more generally any plot or relationship necessarily needs to have something that appeals to all characters involved. It may be as simple as “these are my friends and I want to keep hanging out”, but, despite this being improv, it’s a medium where saying “no” is always an option.

With that said there is still room for players to be uncooperative or selfish. It’s rare, but it does exist, and I’m personally of the opinion that it’s in part the GM’s responsibility to have a conversation with that player and to not play into their attention grabbing. That said, with one notable exception, all the accusations I’ve seen about this have seemed to me to be more “I don’t like this player/character/ship/arc and I am going to claim they are stealing focus, despite it being justified,” and not genuinely about a player being obnoxious.

Agency separate from the person who creates the world is perhaps the most unique element of actual play and at this point I’m going to talk a little about how a good GM fosters that.

I’ve said before that when a GM has things happen that are not at least mostly a direct response to character actions, they are typically either world-building or a hook, and can be both. I think of this sort of as a variant on Chekhov’s gun, actually; the gun doesn’t have to go off, ultimately, in actual play, but it is saying the following:

This is a world where there are guns hung on the wall sometimes.

Someone else might do something with this gun.

You can attempt to do something with this gun before they do.

And then the players decide how they want to interpret it and what they want to do, and the dice indicate the level of success in doing so.

A good GM should encourage the players to explore and be creative, and more than anything, reward agency. This doesn’t mean rewarding it with success; rather, it means if someone explicitly indicates they want to interact with an element of the world, you should give them the tools such that eventually, they can try to do so. You can also give them reasons in-game why they should change their mind, or make it so that it’s almost certain to fail if that is reasonable, but if you are trying to flat-out shut it down without providing an in-world reason why, the cracks will almost certainly show.

One important thing to remember about GM-ing: GMs will probably come into the game with some ideas of what’s going on in the world, and some level of understanding of what the world looks like. That will be influenced by the players, both in terms of the consequences of their actions and choices, and also by what the players are interested in. Which is to say: even if there is a session zero, and the GM states a specific premise, that can change! Characters develop, player interests change, dice rolls do weird things, and so a good GM absolutely must if not kill their darlings at least remove, recycle, and adapt them based on the direction of the game and motivations of the characters. Even in a plot-driven campaign, the players and GM and what makes them happy needs to drive the story, because fundamentally, this is a game that should be fun. Which brings us to...

On the Watsonian and the Doylist in actual play:

Stepping back for a second: the context in which people are creating fiction influences them. End of sentence. It’s ridiculous to think it doesn’t. This means everything from political events and worldwide trends, to the media the creator is consuming or has consumed, to personal life events. There are always going to be in- and out-of-universe explanations for choices in fiction.

In actual play, the players and GM know the underlying rules of the world, and it’s difficult to truly split the party and have everyone not involved leave in a way that feels fun, so everyone always has information that they can’t really use in-game. Also it’s a fully improvised medium that is primarily theater of the mind, so unconscious choices, misunderstandings, and accidents are frequently not edited out, and people are human. Which is to say I think it’s important to take this into consideration in one’s analysis; it’s not that you can’t incorporate a Watsonian reason for something that happened, but Doylist reasons are given a weight that they may not have in an edited work.

Three of the Doylist reasons beyond the misunderstandings and accidents I wanted to cover are metagaming, awareness that this is for an audience, and character knowledge.

Metagaming exists in many TTRPGs, and it’s not actually inherently bad. When a DM in D&D says “that just hits” you get an idea of the AC of the creature, and you know your own attack rolls, and you can make decisions based on that, when, in a ‘real’ fantasy battle scenario, you probably wouldn’t gain all that insight from a single hit. The rules of the TTRPG are considered part of normal acceptable metagaming. There’s also the more general one; if you start the first session in a tavern, there is an unspoken expectation that the PCs will interact and form an impromptu group and not just quietly drink their ale and leave - basically, the rules of improv still apply. This is a good thing. And finally, there’s the acknowledgement that you are people with feelings and this is a game and so if someone is upset you stop, or you have discussions about consent between sessions that inform actions in-game. Metagaming just gets obnoxious when someone rolls a nat 1 and then argues that this is obvious information and they should know, or looks up every monster in the manual when you encounter it instead of playing true to the character’s knowledge.

In actual play, the ‘hey fellow tavern-goers, would you like to be a group’ form of metagaming, the “oh right this is a story and we should move the story forward,” is even more important than in home D&D games. This is where I recommend listening or reading some Q&As or watching some after shows, because you’ll hear players talk about this. A 5-hour shopping episode or extensive foraging can get boring to watch or listen to (and unlike accidentally boring or frustrating things, are pretty easy to predict and avoid). On the flip side, a risky choice might seem more appealing when you know there’s an audience who would love the payoff.

I am personally, perhaps unsurprisingly given what I said about player dynamic conspiracy theories and randomness (or, outside of this post, my strong dislike of certain popular fan theories), not a big fan of creators catering to audiences’ every whim...but it’s unavoidable that they will take the audience experience in mind.

Finally, character knowledge, which is the opposite of metagaming - when a character knows something the player doesn’t. This is sometimes covered with, for example, GM statements like “you would know, as a person with history proficiency, that this country is actually in a regency period.” If the character had, in improv, before the GM had a chance to say that, mentioned the king, that’s just because the player did not know that and had made an assumption.

Personally I find going deep down the rabbit hole with things like this - “why doesn’t this character, who CLAIMS to be from this country, not know this?”, or clearly OOC statements - tends not to actually spark any interesting theories, but that is, ultimately, an opinion.

A few final thoughts on different formats of actual play

True livestream/live-to-tape (Critical Role, Into the Motherlands, and the second season of Fantasy High): the main thing to keep in mind is Doylist explanations are even more important because there is quite literally no editing. Also, there will possibly be some of those more boring stretches or even a little OOC metagaming discussions within the structure of the game, because there’s no way around it.

Editing, but primarily just to remove long explanations/math and doing soundscaping (NADDPod, Rusty Quill Gaming): Pretty similar; a lot of them even make the choice to leave in OOC metagaming discussions, so it’s mostly that there are fewer cases of people slowly adding numbers.

More extensive editing and possibly some predefined other elements (TAZ, most Dimension 20 shows): this may fall into a more traditional story structure. It’s not to say that there won’t be surprises, because the players do still have agency, but the ‘rails’ might be a little more apparent; there might be some DM monologuing done after the fact (beyond just cleaning up the audio) or choices that were not scripted per se, but not exactly improvised either (think how D20 tends to have pre-set battle maps and earlier seasons had a pretty strict RP/Battle structure.

Somewhat relatedly there are broad story structures, which is more of a spectrum, ranging from sandbox (Critical Role) to very clearly GM-driven missions (TAZ Balance and, to an extent, Amnesty); nearly all of the other shows here fall into a structure of “here is your overall goal, how precisely you get there is up to you although, like any GM, I will provide in-story information on where it may make sense to go that will often funnel you towards specific places.”

I do have a theory that since TAZ Balance in particular was an entry point for so many people, it takes them time to adjust to the more sprawling, unpredictable, and difficult-to-organize stories other actual play can have, but ultimately it is a matter of personal preference and all of these still fall into the category of actual play.

[windmaedchen-fairytail]

Power Lust

It’s been a couple of weeks since Ivan’s experiment. Makarov hadn’t left him alone about this business, so in the end he had budged and admitted the use of the rare lacrima. What he failed to understand was the drama his father made out of it. Laxus was clearly fine and Ivan was there to help him adjust to the new found power. One could have thought that his efforts and time spend to nurture his son would be met with enthusiasm, however, in reality, Makarov was barely tolerating it.

Not that Ivan really expected anything else by now, as tolerating him was one of his father’s specialities. He shifted his weight and leaned against the frame of the open door. He was watching from afar as Laxus did some extra training, trying to conjure lightning and making it hit the dummy.

“KACHOW! KACHOW! Hahahahaha!”

Laxus shouted out loud above the noise of thunder every time his lightning struck. He danced when he hit his target and groaned when he did not. He wouldn’t sulk for long, however, as the joy of finally becoming a wizard like his Dad and Grandfather gave him the strength to continue.

The passion in Laxus’s movements and voice brought a smile to Ivan’s lips. His son had accepted the lacrima much better than he had anticipated and all he needed now was guidance to bring forth all that he is capable of.

When Ivan heard the faint steps behind him, his smile disappeared from his face. He turned around to see Makarov stand next to him, watching out into the garden. For a moment, there was silence between the two men but then the older Dreyar began the conversation he came to have.

“He is so motivated to learn and become stronger. He is doing that for you. Does that make you happy?”

“I am certainly pleased to see this, yes. The result is better than I had hoped for and Laxus might actually become a useful asset.”, replied Ivan calmly. When he heard Makarov grunt in disapproval, he looked over. Was that not what he had just asked for?

“That wasn’t quite what I was thinking of.”, sighed Makarov. “Result? Useful asset? Can’t you ever stop talking about people like they are tools and appreciate them for their souls?”

“At least I DO appreciate the fact that they ARE tools and I will utilize Laxus to the best of his potential. It will give him a real purpose beyond just being my son - or your grandson.”

“Tools and experiments, is that all you really care for? Did you not feel any love for Laxus the way he was? Was he not good enough?”

Now it was time for Ivan to grunt in disapproval. How could that weak boy be good enough? He was constantly sick, couldn’t do any magic yet and still needed a nanny nearly 24/7. Was this not exactly what he needed, to become stronger, more powerful and gain independence from all the guild’s mother hens around him?

Another thought crossed Ivan’s mind, as he turned to answer his father.

“If challenging your son and training him to become better and stronger than the Status Quo of yesterday is, in your eyes, a lack of love - I dare say I love my son as much as you did yours.”

“Ivan! What are you--”

Makarov stopped mid-sentence and turned to face his son. While Ivan returned the gaze, his eyes were clouded and shielded the view into his soul from Makarov’s penetrating stare.

Laxus’s voice drew their attention before the conversation could continue.

“Whoohoo! More! More! Kachow—OUCH!”

The blonde boy jumped in circles for a moment, shaking his arm frantically. The lacrima had been implanted into a host body much weaker than its inert magic level. This meant that while being used so clumsily, overflowing magic will escape in an uncontrolled manner, causing some harm to the encompassing tissues. A minor problem that will go away with training. In fact, Laxus himself seemed hardly fazed by it, as he started laughing during his little dance of pain.

“Laxus! Remember what I told you about visualizing your attack first. If you go too fast, you’ll loose control!”

Ivan reprimanded him from afar. His son lifted his arm to the sky as if to say “All good!” and then turned around to get payback on the training dummy.

Makarov pointed at Laxus and reproached Ivan with it.

“This is hurting him! You WILL stop this.”

Ivan ignored the warning and chuckled quietly do himself.

“Come now, we all have had our accidents as we were training. I don’t remember letting that hold you back from encouraging me to continue. Isn’t this exactly as you like it?

“This is different, Ivan. There is a line to everything and this-”, Makarov pointed at Laxus, “-is crossing it. You KNOW that to be the case. Implanting that lacrima into his weak body could have killed him in the spot if you had made even the slightest mistake. It STILL could kill him now, if you excerpt him too much.”

With a wave of the hand and a groan Ivan dismissed the issue.

“Yes, yes. Stop complaining. Life is a risk. Look at him! He is making the best out of himself, overcoming his weakness. He would never have had any of that strength without me.”

“LOOK! DAD! GRAMPS!”

Laxus pointed excitedly at a charcoaled area on the dummy that glimmered a bright red around some sharp edges of the wood. His lightning had burned it. His family responded in unison, one in approval, one in dismay.

This wasn’t what Makarov hoped for.

“I know very well that as a father you wish to see your offspring become strong and self-sufficient. It is our responsibility to support them in that endeavour, too. But this is a shortcut that will harm him, Ivan. Why don’t you see that?”

“Oh quit it, old man. You have not the faintest idea nor do you care about my work and all you have ever done is impose sanctions and recite love poems to me. It has, frankly, long been useless to lecture me.”

Ivan’s tone changed. Where he showed patience before he exchanged it now for bitterness. He was too old to be lectured on anything any more, especially as he thought the lecturer to be a hypocrite on that matter.

Makarov lowered his head and resigned in agreement. 

“Indeed. Forgive me for having let you down at a time when I still had the chance to reach you. Now, all I can do is prevent damage to others…”

“Tsk. Do you even have the guts-”

“Yes.” Makarov interrupted his son decidedly. “I watched you and your schemes for long enough and I should have done this much sooner. Listen well for I am saying this only once.”

Makarov underlined the weight of his words with an unwavering, direct look into his son’s dark eyes.

“Ivan, CEASE your training this instant. Do not take your responsibility for your son’s well-being lightly…  if this continues in any shape or form, you will have no place to return to. Neither guild nor family.”

It was Ivan who looked away, focusing his gaze on Laxus. He couldn’t imagine Makarov to pull through with his threat. His father’s love for him made him weak and he always skirted around serious punishment before. So why would he do it now?

============================================

Ivan had seen enough. Laxus was still not ready yet and there was no point in watching his son any longer for today. He got up from the tree trunk and sighed heavily.

“It’s been a couple of days and you still haven’t destroyed that dummy. When you said you had chipped it, I thought we’d see you perform the final blow today… looks like I was mistaken. Time for me to get back to work.”

With alarm Laxus’s eyes darted over to the moving figure. He had sweat pouring down his body and bend forwards a bit to rest his hands on his knees. The dummy in front of him had nothing but a few new scratches.

“No, Dad, wait!”, gasped the young boy desperately. “I just need… ONE more try… and then I can go with you.”

“Hmm? I really can’t waste any more time here, Laxus. You are still too weak.”

Ivan graced his son with a look of disapproval, then turned and walked away, ignoring Laxus’s further pleas. He heard moans from behind him and thought for a moment that Laxus had started to cry again, so he focused on his own mind to distract himself. He had imagined that the intense desire to be strong and at his side would accelerate Laxus’s development, particularly since they had to meet in secret like this. Instead, despite the initial incredible pace, Laxus slowed down again. Is it possible that the cap Makarov is trying to put on the boy dampered the effectiveness of their training? He should try and send Laxus along some jobs with the others to encourage him to--

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

Ivan’s thoughts were harshly interrupted by an intense scream coming from behind him. He turned around instantly and looked back to the small clearing where Laxus had been standing a moment ago. Now he was down on the floor, jerking in visible pain. The continuous groans of agony drew him back very quickly. What on earth had happened? Was a stray, uncontrolled discharge of the lacrima able to bring Laxus down like this?

Lightning still sparked forth from the writhering boy and forced Ivan to approach with caution. He noticed the red blood on Laxus’s face, hands and hair and searched his pockets for something to cover the wound with. As he found nothing, his hands untied the knot of his cravat and folded it down to a smaller, double layered cloth.

Ivan knelt down besides Laxus and reached out to touch him by the shoulder but he withdrew his hand instantly. “Argh!” An electric spark shot through his body as he made direct contact with Laxus’s bare skin. Ivan gritted his teeth and tried to push Laxus onto his back once more anyway. This time the magical electricity was tolerable. The boy’s groans turned into weak sobs and his body grew limb as the effects of the sudden discharge ebbed down.

Ivan now gently lifted the protective hand covering Laxus’s face. He held the cloth ready but the moment he saw what was underneath, Ivan knew this was going to be some permanent damage. And a certain someone would NOT like this.

“Damn.”

======================= END PART 2

[javajunkieao3]

Beth/Benny Fanfic: Being Alive - Part 7

For all their weeks in Kentucky, Benny and Beth hadn’t discussed returning to New York besides the tense conversations before he visited her high school chess students.  After that, the conversation seemed to be tabled and Beth had been reluctant to bring it up, not wanting to push them into choppy waters, and also, somewhat selfishly, not wanting him to leave.  Part of her was always afraid that if they went back to New York, he would never come back, just like she could never stay.  But one morning, New York is pulled squarely back into focus when Benny says, “I have to go out there for a few days.  I should be back by Monday.”

           “Is everything okay?” she asks gingerly.

           “It’s my mom.  My brother called and said she’s been having some problems recently.  So, I’m going to go down there and try to sort it out.”

           Beth realizes that for all the time she’d known Benny, he hadn’t mentioned his family before.  She wonders then if it was because she never asked, and was she supposed to ask?  She also notices that he didn’t ask her to come with.

           “Okay.”  She hesitates before she asks, “Do you want me to go with you?”

           “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

           His words hurt more than she expected and she crosses her arms over her chest.  “Oh, okay.”

            “It’s not that I don’t want you there.”

           “You sure?  Because it sort of sounds that way.”

           Benny’s face softens and he says, “Beth, you should know by now that there isn’t anywhere that I don’t want you with me.”

           “Then why is my going with you a bad idea?”

           “The reason my brother called is to stage an intervention.  My mom’s an alcoholic.”

           Benny never mentioned this before, not even back during her drinking.  She thinks then of how difficult it must have been to hear what was happening to her. Maybe it was better that he was out in New York then.  She’d seen the haunted look in Harry Beltik’s eyes when he saw her and spoke of his own alcoholic father.

           “I can handle it,” she says.

           “I don’t want to put too much on you.”

           “You couldn’t,” she says.  “You’ve been there for me, Benny.  Time and time again, you have been there for me.  Let me be there for you.”

           “You’ll tell me if it’s too much?”

           She nods.  “I’ll tell you.  But it won’t be too much.  Let me help you.”

           He takes a long pause before he says, “Okay.”

---

           They fly out the next morning and take a cab down to his apartment.  It had been so long since Beth had been there, and if anything, her memory had recalled the place as nicer than it actually was.  She looked at the spot on the floor where the air mattress had been, marveling that she had actually slept on that dank floor for weeks on end.

           “Reminiscing?” Benny asks, palming her waist as he stepped past her.

           “I’m just thinking about how I should have made you take the air mattress.”

           “We both know I wouldn’t have agreed to that.”

           “And now?” she asks.

           “Only if you’re on it with me.”

           “When is your brother meeting us?”

           Benny takes a hold of her wrist and checks the time on her watch.  “He should be here soon.”

           “Are you nervous?”

           Benny shrugs, and she expected some quip about how Benny Watts didn’t do nervous.  Instead, he rakes his fingers through his hair and says, “All we can do is ask her to get help.  Beyond that…”

           “I know.”

           And she does, more than most.  Benny looks at her worriedly.  “Are you sure you’re okay doing this?”  

           The answer is yes, but before she can tell him there’s a knock on the door.  Benny opens the door and greets his brother.  It’s like looking at an abstract painting of Benny.  The similarities are there, but stretched and pulled out of dimension.  She steps forward to say hello, and he grumbles to Benny, “Why is she here?”

           “Don’t start, Cal.”

           “This is a family thing.”

           “Beth is my family,” Benny says in a hard voice.

           Beth feels a certain rush at his words, but its tempered by the boys’ continued bickering.  Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for her to come.

           “You really think Mom would want someone other than us to see her right now?”

           “Mom is probably blitzed out of her mind right now. She won’t even remember who saw her.”

           Benny’s wrong.  Even in Beth’s drunkest state, she still remembered the people she saw. The calls she ignored.  Maybe not right away, but they all had a way of creeping back.  Usually in the middle of the night while she stared up at the ceiling, debating whether or not to take a third or fourth green pill.

           “That’s not the point,” Cal says.

           “I can stay here,” Beth offers.  

           “You don’t have to do that,” Benny says, glaring at his brother.  She steps forward and puts her hand on his arm.  “I don’t want to make this more difficult than it has to be.”

           Benny swallows hard and from the conflict in his eyes she can tell that as much as he had tried to give her an out before, he wanted her there.  He needed her.  She squeezes his arm and looks over at Cal.

           “Last year, I was addicted to pills and alcohol. I’m not sure how bad it is with your mom, but I’m pretty sure wherever she is, I was there at some point.  Maybe I can help.”

           Cal holds her gaze before he looks to Benny and says, “I thought all that Freud stuff was bullshit, but you really do end up with your mother, huh?”

           Benny shakes his head and says, “Fuck off, Cal.”

           “She can come.”

----

           It’s about an hour’s drive out to where Benny and Cal grew up, and the atmosphere can only be described as tense.  The scene in Benny’s apartment clearly demonstrated that he had a complicated relationship with his brother, and during the drive, Beth felt like somewhat of a referee between them.  It was a role that her personality made her particularly ill-equipped to play.  

           Benny parks the car in front of a tidy looing Tudor house.  Thinking of her own past, Beth notes that Benny’s mother at least is well enough to remember to take care of the lawn.  They walk up and Cal pulls a key out of his pocket and unlocks the front door. The smell hits them immediately, and Beth knows it intimately.  While the two men recoil, Beth feels a lurch of yearning.  

           “Mom?”  Benny calls out.  “It’s Cal and me.”

           They walk through the house slowly.  The kitchen is messy with dishes piled in the sink. She spots a half-finished bottle of wine, but no wine glasses.  Makes sense, Beth thinks.  At a certain point, the glass just becomes a hindrance to the task at hand.  The living room is in a similar state of disarray. She can feel Benny grow increasingly tense beside her, and it only grows when they find the bedroom empty.  But, Beth knows where to find her.

           “Fuck,” Benny breathes out.  His mother is asleep fully dressed in the bathtub.

           “Why the hell would she be in the bathtub?” Cal says, and his confusion distracts Beth because the choice makes perfect sense to her.  The coolness of the marble against hot skin.  The way you sink into the basin, feeling yourself contained at all four corners as the world spins out of focus.

           Benny strides past her and crouches in front of the bathtub.  He’s all action, which she knows is an ineffective tool against the inertia of drunkenness, but maybe it can work this time.         “Mom.  Mom, wake up.”

           The older woman stirs, her eyes bleary as she gazes up at her son.  “Benjamin?”

           “Mom, you need to get up,” Cal says forcefully. Everything about him had been forceful since Beth met him.

           “Cool down,” Benny says in a tight voice. “Give her a moment.”

           The woman’s eyes shift to Beth and she says, “Who are you?”

           “I’m Beth.”  After a pause she adds, “It helps to shift to your knees first.”

           “What?”

           “Getting out of the tub.  It’s easier to shift to your knees first.  You have better balance.”

           It takes time for Mrs. Watts to process what Beth said, but then she clumsily leans forward and pulls her knees beneath her. She stands slowly, her sons each taking one arm.  They maneuver her down the stairs with effort and then the talk begins.  You’re hurting yourself.  We’re worried.  You’re out of control.  All of it’s wrong, but of course, they don’t know that.  How could they?  Beth stays mostly out of the conversation, washing the dishes in the sink.  Behind her, Mrs. Watts insists, “I’m fine.  I just had a little too much last night.”

           “Mom, we found you in the bathroom,” Cal says.

           “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

           Beth hears the hardness in her voice and knows that they won’t change her mind today.  But they continue to try, Beth drying the dishes and stacking them quietly next to the sink.  When she’s finished she turns around, her heart breaking when she sees Benny sitting next to his mother.  He pulled the chair close and he’s leaning forward earnestly as he speaks.  Beth places the dishrag on the counter and presses her back against the cool granite.

           “I know what you’re feeling,” she says in a low voice.

           Mrs. Watts looks up at her and smiles unkindly. “Oh, you do?”

           “I do.  Right now, you’re feeling hungover.  But, it’s the other feeling.  The stillness.  The world has so much noise, but after a certain point, everything goes still and all you can hear is the beating of your heart.  But by that point you don’t remember that you can ruin it, so you drink more, and then you create your own sort of noise.  Your heartbeat is too loud.  Everything is too loud.  So, you drink more to drown it out until you either get sick or pass out.  And then you start it again.”

           “Who are you again?” Mrs. Watts asks.  Her voice is so soft that it’s almost a whisper.

           “I’m like you.”

---

           Ultimately, Mrs. Watts refuses any help and summarily throws her children, and Beth, out of her house.  Cal tries to go back in, but Benny grabs his arm and says, “It’s no use. Today wasn’t the day.”  Beth can see the worry in his eyes, and she thinks then that maybe Cal’s forcefulness had just been a way to hide the gnawing fear.

           “We’ll try again later,” Benny tells his brother.

---

           Back at the apartment, Benny asks Beth if she would mind having some people over that night.  This was one of the things that Beth never understood about Benny. She never felt comfortable in a crowd, but with Benny, it was where he thrived.  She still remembered the first time she saw him, sitting there in his leather duster and hat surrounded by people.

           “I don’t mind,” she says.

           A few hours later, she’s playing simultaneous chess games with Benny, Levetov and Wexler.  Cleo watches from the side, as usual, puffing away at her cigarette. She and Cleo greeted each other as they always did, but Beth felt part of herself withdrawn around her.  Beth didn’t entirely blame Cleo for what happened in Paris, but part of her could not help thinking that if Cleo had never showed up in Paris, she would have won that game.  She isn’t naive enough to think that the drinking wouldn’t have happened at some point, but it wouldn’t have happened then.

           When Beth is finished with the games – she wins them all – she goes into the kitchen to put together something for them to eat. Cleo comes up to her, pressing the smoldering edge of her cigarette into an ashtray on the counter.

           “I always love watching you trounce them.”

           Beth doesn’t respond, because she doesn’t know what to say.

           “It’s good to see you,” Cleo says.

           “It’s good to see you, too.”

            “I can’t believe the last time we saw each other was in Paris.  That feels like practically a lifetime away.”

           Beth nods.  “Yeah, it’s been a while.”

           There is another stretch of silence, and Cleo lights another cigarette.  She takes a long drag, the plume of smoke leaving her mouth like an elongated sigh.

           “I’m sorry that I made you drink.”

           “You didn’t make me do anything,” Beth says. “I could have stayed in my room. I chose to meet you.”

           “I didn’t know about…” she takes another drag from her cigarette.  “Anyway, Benny was pretty agnry when I told him we met up.  He wouldn’t talk to me for months after that.”

           Beth glances over her shoulder at Benny and sees that he’s watching them.  His eyes are asking her a question and she nods slightly.

           “It’s in the past,” Beth says, turning her attention back to Cleo.  And with that, she feels herself release the resentment she had held since sitting across from Borgov in that gilded room, sweat dotting her hairline.  It truly was in the past, and what did it matter?  She got sober.  She beat Borgov.  It all worked out in the end, even with the detours.

           Cleo grins hesitantly and Beth returns the gesture.

           “Hey, how’s the food coming along over there?” Wexler calls out.

           “Keep your pants on,” Cleo calls back, eyes sparkling.  “The women are talking right now.  Your food can wait.”

----

           Cleo and the boys leave around one in the morning and Beth and Benny play one more game of chess – he wins and she blames it on the hour – and then go to bed.  The next morning, she wakes up to an empty bed.  The apartment is cold and she puts on Benny’s robe, wrapping it tightly around her small frame.  She begins to walk out of the bedroom but stops at the doorway. Benny is at the kitchen table with his back to the bedroom.  She can tell he didn’t hear her wakeup because his shoulders are tense, his movements are short and jerky as he takes a sip of coffee and puts the mug back down on the table.  She walks out and she can tell when he hears her because he rearranges his body, giving her an easy grin.  

           “Morning.”

           “Good morning,” she says, sitting next to him.

           “There’s coffee in the pot.”

           “I don’t need coffee right now.”

           “Okay.”

           His body goes tense again.  “Benny-“

           “I don’t think I can go back to Kentucky right now.”

           She takes a deep breath.  “Okay.”

           “My mom needs help and I can’t put that all on Cal.”

           “I understand.  I can stay here for a few weeks.”

           “I don’t think it will be a few weeks.”  His hand tightens around the mug.  “She’s really bad, Beth. She was never this bad before-“

           He stops himself and she fills in, “Before you came to Kentucky.”

           He nods.  “I checked in more.  I think it helped.”

           “What about Cal?”

           “They never had as close of a relationship.”  

           Beth nods quietly.  “I’ll stay here as long as I can and then we’ll figure it out.”

           “I’m sorry, Beth.”

           “You don’t have to apologize,” Beth says.  She thinks of Alma and how she would have done anything to change what happened in Mexico City.  “She’s your mother.”

           Benny takes her hand and kisses it.  “Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with someone like you.”

           “It’s the hair.”

           “I should have tipped my barber more then.”

           “You actually went to a barber?  I always just imagined you in your bathroom with kitchen scissors.”

           He grins and leans in to kiss her.  He stays close, forehead pressed to hers and murmurs, “We’ll get through this.”

           He says it like a statement, but Beth knows him well enough to read the underlying question.  It’s a rare show of vulnerability, and Beth wraps her arms around him, pressing a kiss just under his ear.  “Yes.  We’ll get through this.”

[anncanta]

The imagery of BBC ‘Dracula’: mythology, alchemy, literature. Part 3

Part 1.

Part 2.

Alchemy

Consideration and analysis of alchemical images in any modern text always encounter the same problem: unlike mythological or literary images and symbols, alchemical ones do not have their own ‘vocabulary’ which authority the researcher can rely on. Simply because the meaning and significance of alchemical texts were deliberately obscured by their authors in order to make complex and potentially dangerous knowledge inaccessible to the layman. However, some key elements of alchemical philosophy and theory – thanks to C.G. Jung and his school – can still be tried to be seen and analyzed. According to the Jungian theory, alchemy is primarily about transformation, change, as well as the connection between the external and the internal, the spiritual and the physical, the ordinary and the magical.

Based on these ideas, I chose among the many alchemical images used in Dracula, those that I want to talk about in this article.

It is color, blood, and metamorphosis.

Color

The symbolism of color in alchemy is complex and diverse, but the most important for it is the visual ‘orchestration’ of the main alchemical process – the creation of the philosopher's stone, or the Great Work.

Based on the logic of the study of Jungian philosophers and psychologists, I propose to consider it here as a metaphor for the development of the spiritual principle and the passage of a person on the path of self-improvement.

Black

The first color that we encounter in the story of Dracula is not red, as one might expect. Anyway, that's how it happens in the BBC film. In the same Bram Stoker's Dracula by F.F. Coppola, the Count initially appears before us in the first scene in red, not to mention the red skies and the spill of scarlet blood in the prologue. In BBC Dracula, at the beginning of the first episode, there is practically no red. But quite a lot of black.

In the alchemical tradition, the black color is associated with the original matter that has not undergone a transformation, the very basic material from which everything comes, a universal dough that can take any form when touched by the spirit. In the alchemical narrative, this is a matter before purification, primitive chaos.

I would say – psychological infancy.

What does Dracula look like appearing on the stairs in front of Jonathan Harker the first time they meet?

This is one of the most interesting things about the BBC film. Contrary to the expectations of the audience, taught by ‘vampire’ stories and tuned in to the perception of a certain aesthetics, Dracula's clothes are not black.

No black cloak, no raised collar, no grim Gothic aristocrat. Before Jonathan appears a nondescript old man in a dress of either gray or brown. Strictly speaking, it is hardly possible to determine the shade of his clothes at all (there is a hint – surprisingly, the printed fabric of Dracula's robe resembles the color and texture of the stone walls of the castle, forcing the viewer to ask himself at the beginning what is hiding behind this hardened shell?). This uncertainty is all the more interesting because the more time passes, the more not only the face and figure of the Count will change, but also the color and style of his clothes.

For the first time, black appears at dinner, during which already pretty shabby and emaciated Jonathan asks Dracula if there are living people in the castle besides them. In this episode, the Count is completely dressed in black – the only bright spot in his suit is a white collar, reminiscent of a colorata. Dracula casts a mocking glance at Johnny and replies, ‘No, Jonathan, there is no living here.’

And this is absolutely true. At the level of the plot, because Dracula is not alive, but at the symbolic level – because he is at the stage of ‘black earth’, completely belonging to mortal matter, not spiritualized and undeveloped. It does not even have a voice yet and it does not realize that it needs transformation.

After several episodes and dramatic moments, in which darkness and blackness from different sides show the nature of what is happening in the castle and with the Count himself, after Harker, exhausted, almost drunk down and destined for destruction, comes to his senses in the basement, finally appears the cloak.

This is a new form of manifestation of black – because it is no longer an amorphous color that appears here and there (among the many moments of black color appearance, the cloak also flickers, but as the robe of a dead man rising from the grave, and neither Jonathan's attention nor the viewer's one lingers on it), but the attribute of the object with which the hero interacts, the object that is this hero`s distinctive feature.

Even more. Pay attention to how Dracula puts on the cloak. In addition to the Count's inherent desire to show off and produce a stunning effect on the trembling victim, in this movement – a cloak thrown over his shoulders, fluttering like wings – there is a hint and a premonition of black not as chaos, but as the beginning and the dark night of the soul.

In the meantime, it is a cloak that covers the secret of something that has already arisen and is slowly ripening inside. This is confirmed by the red joined to the black – the lining of the cloak, symbolizing both blood and the next stage of the Work, called by the alchemists rubedo.

But this is still a long way off.

First, you need to put the original matter in the crucible and let it heat up.

This process has already begun in the castle. The interaction between Dracula and Jonathan, which we considered earlier, can also be considered from the point of view of the alchemical Work – the result will be the same. There is evidence that the combination and mutual influence of these two ‘substances’ have done their job in the color scheme of the same scene on the roof. First, Dracula, putting Jonathan on the sunlit part of the roof, lies down next to Harker, spreading his cloak – with the red lining up, and then, surrounded by golden rays (not yet reaching for Dracula), they engage in a dialogue about the sun, which at this time of year, according to Dracula, sets behind the second highest mountain peak and should be quite red.

Everything is ready for the next stage of transformation, which takes place in the convent.

We will not delve into the symbolism of the monastery, just note that it represents two key things for alchemical metaphor: the hermetic space (crucible) and since in this case, there is a nunnery, the habitat of the anima.

What happens when Dracula appears in the monastery?

According to the alchemical tradition, in order to begin the process of transmutation, it is necessary to put the primordial substance (dark matter) into the fire.

Remember what Dracula does when Agatha invites him to ‘step out of the shadows’?

He knocks over the lamp. After that, a man covered in red appears from the black skin of the wolf.

Red

Since the moment Dracula entered the monastery, a lot of blood appears in the film. For comparison – during the entire stay of Jonathan in the castle, there was almost no blood on the screen. Despite the fact that then the Count was actively feeding on Harker and was clearly experimenting with ‘brides’ in the basement. And only when the story went beyond Dracula's inner world, and (to use the same alchemical terminology) Dracula's ‘shell’ cracked, the streams of blood literally filled the visual plane of the text.

This continues throughout the second episode, and here it is important to pay attention to the fact that in parallel with the ‘blazing’ of red in the guise of Dracula, white begins to appear over and over again (a white shirt in combination with a black vest in interaction with Agatha – by the way, in contrast to a tightly buttoned black cape or a tuxedo in communication with the passengers of Demeter in reality) until it ends with the visual dominance of a white blouse before the hero`s being confined in a sealed box for the further process.

The white color symbolizes the albedo stage – the last before the appearance of the magisterium, the philosopher's stone. We'll come back to white later, but for now, let's continue with red.

After the awakening of Dracula in the twenty-first century, red becomes the main color, and at first glance (as, indeed, in the second episode), it seems that this is due to the desire of the creators to portray the hero as a bloody killer. At a certain level, this is true. At the plot level, red is associated with Dracula's attack on victims and blood. But on a symbolic one, everything is more complicated.

This is best illustrated in the scene at Bob's house. From the point of view of storytelling, it is difficult to imagine an episode in which the inner content would be conveyed so accurately, succinctly, and voluminously using different, complementary tools.

Look. When Dracula enters the house, both the hallway and Kathleen's bedroom are immersed in deep red. At the level of the plot, it, of course, means the predatory nature of Dracula and his desire to devour Kathleen the same way he devoured her husband. At the same time, note that there is a lot of red at the beginning of the scene, but it does not dominate, does not absorb all other colors. There are gold, blue, gray, navy blue mixed with it. A bit black, there is white and others. But as Dracula first conducts a conversation with Kathleen, and then switches to Zoe who came after him, red becomes more and more, and when Zoe enters the house, there are simply no other shades left.

And here is the most interesting thing. Dracula bites Zoe, and she ends up in his head, in his ‘mind palace’. Speaking about this scene, it is usually indicated that the image of Dracula's ‘mind palace’ is presented in a deliberately ‘vampire’ aesthetics, which emphasizes, again, his predatory nature. But if we look at this scene from the point of view of the alchemical metaphor, we see a lot of red and an almost complete absence of black.

Black, chaotic, primitive matter almost receded, practically disappeared, remaining in the background as dark spots and tree trunks – ‘rods’ (the very frame, without which incarnation is generally impossible), and everything else is red. Looking down, Zoe sees a red liquid, and the first thought that arises when we are looking at it: it's blood. Well, it is, indeed. But it is also a visually shown onset of a new stage of the Work, the rubedo stage, at which the old solutions no longer work, and new ones have to be looked for.

Part 4.

[profoundnet]

PROFOUND MEMBER MASTERPOST FOR SEPTEMBER 2020!

Featuring Destiel/Gen works by @friendofcarlotta, @nickelkeep, @castielslostwings, @haybibiboi, youfoundmykeys, @goldenraeofsun, @aishitara, @vaudelin, @one-more-offbeat-anthem, @shealynn88, Feathers7501, @sketching-fox, @mittensmorgul, @andimeantittosting, sapphirecobalt, shadowkat83, @maleyah-givemetomorrow, Endellion, ArielAquarial, @allmystars-i, @darcydelaney!

Join us on Discord!

Masterpost below the cut.

FriendofCarlotta - @friendofcarlotta - FriendofCarlotta

The Heroes’ Journey (E, 36k)

When you perform a spell to defeat God himself, there’s bound to be side effects — such as every version of Team Free Will getting zapped to an alternate universe. The former residents of the Endverse find themselves in an underground bunker full of the kinds of food they haven’t seen in years and clothes that magically fit them. As Dean adjusts to life in a world where Croatoan never got out of control, he faces some tough questions: Can he forgive Sam for saying yes to Lucifer? And is his relationship with Cas really beyond saving? The residents of the bunker, meanwhile, wake up as employees of HunterCorp, whose CEO is one John Winchester. Being around people Dean lost years ago is no picnic, and it’s changing the dynamic of his relationship with Cas in ways he never expected. But is the change meant to last, or will they fall back into old patterns when they return to their own universe?

Tags: Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Slow Dancing, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Recovery From Drug Addiction

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This is the story of a car, and the boy who loves it so fiercely, it becomes a home. As the boy grows into a man, his car is the one constant in his life. Until, one day, he meets an angel, and "home" takes on a new meaning.

Tags: Canon Compliant, POV Impala, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Fluff, Kid Fic, Castiel and Dean Winchester Are Great Dads

~

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

Huckleberry, Cherry, or Lime (E, 5.7k)

Two men. Two Identical injuries. For Dean and Cas, is that where the similarities start or end?

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Misunderstandings, Fluff and Smut and Humor, No Angst, Minor Injuries, Stitches, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort

Text Me in the Morning (T, 2.7k)

"Just blowing off steam?" Sam glared at Dean. "So, you haven't been honest with him, or you haven't been honest with yourself?" "Excuse me?" Dean set his mug on the table and crossed his arms, staring at Sam. "It means that you're in love with Cas, and won't admit it. Figures my brother is a coward."

Tags: Canon Compliant, Established Castiel/Dean, Secret Relationship, Long-Suffering Sam, Sam is a Little Shit, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean, Misunderstandings, Texting, Castiel and Dean Need to Use Their Words

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castielslostwings - @castielslostwings - Castielslostwings

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In 2014, Dean Winchester led a raid on the asylum in Detroit where a Sam-wearing-Lucifer was waiting for him. Everyone knows what happened next: the Chitaquan soldiers who accompanied Dean died horribly at the hands of Lucifer’s minions while Lucifer murdered Dean in the garden below and warned the Dean from days past that no matter what he tried, he would always end up there. There were no survivors. Or were there? This story picks up where “The End” leaves off, from Castiel’s perspective from inside the asylum, a twist of fate, and conditional divine intervention no one saw coming. It details what happens after Lucifer dies, Dean lives, and the world doesn’t actually stop turning. A canon-compliant “fix-it” fic for the Endverse and a Dean and Cas who deserved better. Or: "The End" was not the End. This is the story of what came after.

Tags: Endverse fix-it, Happy endverse, temp MCD (dean's canon death in the rose garden), low-angst, canon-compliant (I swear, this is a happy fix-it), explicit sex, s15 tie-ins.

Wait For It (E, 44k)

With Chuck out of the picture and Jack stepping up as the New God, Team Free Will suddenly has to face the most difficult mission they've ever tackled: moving on. Change is tough, that's a given. What's not new? Dean's coping mechanisms being the absolute worst. Problem is, this time, his stubborn refusal to leave the past where it belongs lands him in hot water that's so deep, even Castiel may not be able to pull him out in time. An epic post-canon love story about a hunter who can't seem to look forward and an ex-angel who is done looking back.

Tags: Post-canon, Alternate ending to Season 15, illustrated, getting together, love confessions, hurt/comfort, kidnapped Dean, BAMF Castiel, explicit sex, very happy ending. Accompanied by art by @ladyrandombox.

~

lovemuppet - @haybibiboi - lovemuppet

“How Do You Like Them Apples?”: A Co-Pearenting Fic. (T, 1.4k)

based on a prompt by Cryptomoon: "Neighboring long time orchard owners, Dean of Winchester Family Apples and Cas of Eden Farms have been bitter rivals their whole lives. Eden Farms grows pears and Dean thinks that's absolutely stupid because it's Eden, they should grow apples. But that's beside the point. They've hated each other since they could walk. Now they each have taken over their family's farms and do their best to civilly ignore one another. Until! Some trees on the edge of their properties spontaneously cross breed and they are forced to figure out what to do with these co-parented Pearapples. Applepears?"

Tags: Enemies to lovers, au where pears and apples are the same genus, affronts to god and science, jokes? about homicide.

“The Only Rest You’ll See For Hours” (G, 441 words)

Prompt by saltnhalo: 30 minute speed writing based on knightiesart sky doodles. (I used the two desert looking ones)

Tags: post series band aid, no one dies, everything's fine

~

youfoundmykeys - reafre

grip (SFW)

“You’re the one who gripped me tight, and brought me back to light...” art by reafre date: 18-23 September, 2020 tools: pencil, watercolour, pearl watercolour on paper.  

Tags: video, hands, soft, anniversary

~

goldenraeofsun - @goldenraeofsun - goldenraeofsun

Ridin’ the Quarantine Out (E, 8.5k)

“Like I said,” Dean says, chuckling, “no one’s ever died from blue balls. So you can't go out there and break quarantine to bang some rando.” Cas doesn’t find this funny in the slightest. “No human has died,” he clarifies. “What the hell are you talking about?” Dean narrows his eyes. “If you think some weird fact about guinea pigs is gonna sway-” “I’m an incubus,” Cas interrupts. “I will literally die if I don’t feed.”

Tags: They were quarantined, incubus!cas, virgin!cas, first time, top!cas, bottom!dean, dom sub undertones, mentions of COVID-19, mutual pining

~

aishitara - @aishitara - aishitara

K-I-S-S-I-N-G (M, 3.9k)

Sam’s been breathing down his neck about every little thing lately. He eats too much bacon. Drinks too much beer. Drives too fast. Avoids Cas like his life depends on it. Dean huffs out a breath. Sam hasn’t actually called him on /that/ part, but if the conversation they’d had a few days ago about… that time Castiel was dead was anything to go by, he was certain his brother was going to corner him any second now and point out how Dean had been doing such a good job of hiding from him and Cas. He wasn’t… he wasn’t hiding, okay? He just… happened to be anywhere at all in the bunker that Cas wasn’t. Not on purpose. Just. Because. Of reasons.

Tags: Fluff, a wee touch of the angst, Sam Ships It, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Sort Of, Feelings, Dean just doesn't want to talk about it ok

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vaudelin - @vaudelin - vaudelin

a world well done (M, 54k)

After five years of being overlooked for the job title of his dreams, Dean has grown accustomed to his fair share of disappointment. But the guy who got the position, a nepotistic hire named Castiel Novak, is really pushing the boundaries of his patience. Too bad the guy’s a dud, but the legacy project has survived worse. Castiel can be as antisocial as he wants and hide out in his office all he likes; Dean will just batten down the hatches and ensure his team weathers the storm coming their way.

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Misunderstandings & Miscommunications, Slow Build

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one_more_offbeat_anthem - @one-more-offbeat-anthem - one_more_offbeat_anthem

Roll With It, Baby (T, 13k)

August 1987. Indianapolis, Indiana. The Pan-American Games are back again, and professional roller skaters Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester are supposed to be teammates--and friends. Over their six years on the US team, they’ve done their best to get along, but with Cas as a roller figure skater and Dean as a roller hockey player, they sometimes miss the mark. But something’s different this year, at their second Pan-American Games. Maybe it’s the sultry end-of-summer heat over the main stadium at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Maybe it’s the competition. Maybe it’s Rick Astley's recent hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up." Whatever it is, the next two weeks are going to change things…potentially forever.

Tags: 1980s, the mixtape, professional roller skating, friends to lovers, mutual pining, first kiss, mild homophobia

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shealynn88 - @shealynn88 - shealynn88

The Light Will Guide You Home (E, 4.6k)

Dean is visiting his long-distance friend for the first time. He knows what he wants, but does Cas feel the same? Dean laughs. “Cas, is that you? Can I…?” He reaches out for a hug, then draws back in embarrassment. The human-like form throws him off, but he knows it’s impolite to initiate physical contact with a Luminate, he’s studied the culture for over a decade.

Tags: consentacles, sci-fi AU, alien!Cas, human!Dean

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Feathers7501 - Feathers7501

Dreams of Blue (G, 1.1k)

Dean is leading his best life... or is he?

Tags: memory wipe

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sketching-fox - @sketching-fox

Along My Restless Palms (NSFW)

Comission done for Kat, the first of my bidders on @ficfacers 2020! Her request was to illustrate this specifc scene (where Dean dreams about Castiel in the Highlands - YES, they are wearing kilts) in the Fic Along My Restless Palms!

Tags: highlands, kilts

Caring for the wings (SFW)

Comission for Jennifer, one of winner bidders on @ficfacers 2020! Her request was the fluffiest thing ever: Chibi versions of Dean and Castiel, and Dean taking care of Cas´s wings, with the feathers all fluffy, like those little dogs after a bath and air drier on the Pet Shop.

Tags: chibi art, wings

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mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul - MittenWraith

Happy Resurrection Day (T, 3.7k)

The world didn't end, and Dean and Cas finally get to choose each other. It only took twelve years and a little road trip back to where it all started.

Tags: post canon, road trips, getting together, first kiss, anniversary

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andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

A Gentleman’s Inheritance (M, 11k)

For the Supernatural Regency Bang. Castiel Shurley has always done his duty by his family. When his father dies, Castiel inherits not only the title of Viscount, but also deep debts. At his aristocratic mother's behest, he agrees to court Miss Celeste "Charlie" Middleton—a wealthy heiress, but the daughter of cits. Though they are not in love—and though he secretly has feelings for her cousin, the charming Dean Winchester—Castiel and Charlie soon agree to wed. But Castiel's life is upended by the arrival of his scandalous Aunt Amara, who reveals that he is not the son of Charles and Naomi, but illegitimate, taken from his unwed mother to serve as Charles’s heir. When she carries out her threat to reveal the truth to the world, Castiel loses his title, his home, and his place in the world. Feeling honour-bound to break off his engagement, he finds himself invited to stay instead, as a member of Dean and Charlie's unconventional household, and learns the meaning of freedom.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Disinherited Castiel, Forced Adoption

~

sapphirecobalt - sapphirecobalt

The Bee Knocker Story (M, 7.2k)

Dean recalls the infamous bee knocker that started it all. Or, the one where Cas is upset and Dean goes to great lengths to cheer him up.

Tags: Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic fluff, emotional hurt comfort, Artist Dean, gardens and gardening

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shadowkat83 - Shadowkat83

Sober (G, 605 words)

Dean leans against a tree trying to come to terms with what he is seeing and feeling. How did everything end up like this? Lyrics Sober by Bad Wolves

Tags: Endverse, Songfic, angst, implied relationships

~

Maleyah (Katherine_Kat) - @maleyah-givemetomorrow - Maleyah

Hot Wings Cas (SFW)

Yoga teacher Castiel for my fic Hot Wings and Magic Hands

Tags: yoga teacher cas, idiots in love, wing tattoos

Take A Breath (SFW)

Time for a breath and a break. The ending they deserve with Sam, Gabe, Charlie and Jody in the background (if you squint)

Tags: the end of the road, married, breathe boys, cuddles

Aceriee-art’s DTIYS (SFW)

Art for Aceriee-art's DTIYS challenge

Tags: dtiys, aceriee-art, sassy Dean, blatant use of emojis

Thank You Cas Kisses (SFW)

Cas blowing kisses at the viewer, cause thank you

Tags: thank you, cas blows a kiss, tiny bee

~

Endellion - Endellion

You Make Me Want to Stay (G, 1.5k)

A teenage Dean meets a boy named Castiel at one of the many high schools he goes to and this time when his dad says it's time to move on, he doesn't want to. 

Tags: implied/referenced homophobia, AU no hunting, AU highschool

Brutus (G, 216 words)

Sam and Cas and a dog. Dean can't resist Cas' puppy dog eyes.

Tags: fluffy, cute

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ArielAquarial - ArielAquarial

The Right Kind of Motivation (E, 2k)

Alone in the house for the first time in months, Dean is having trouble finding the motivation to clean. Castiel decides it’s time to bring out the big guns, and Dean is more than willing to play along. Can be read as a standalone.

Tags: Established Relationship, Domestic, Alternate Universe, Dick Pics, Masturbation

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allmystars - @allmystars-i - allmystars

Brownies and Blowjobs (E, 2.3k)

"It’s fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix nude while making brownies without you getting preachy about it." Dean wants Castiel's attention, but he doesn't know how to ask for it, so he bakes brownies... completely naked.

Tags: Blowjobs, Handjobs, Friends With Benefits, Smut, Naked Baking, Porn Without Plot

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darcydelaney - @darcydelaney - DarcyDelaney

Bookworm (T, 2.1k)

Cas asks Dean to spend the day reading with him at a brewery. It's not Dean's ideal date at first, but it doesn't stop him from falling in love with Cas all over again.

Tags: Brewery, Date Night, Fluff

[technology794]

Indicators on Technology You Need To Know

All About Technology

From Net of Behaviours to Hyperautomation, right here are some of the leading innovation patterns for 2021 everyone should get all set for now. The pandemic has turned 2020 into a challenging year for both culture as well as services around the world, that were already underway.

Hyperautomation Hyperautomation describes the procedure of exactly how companies automate anything that can be automated in a company, using tools like Artificial intelligence, AI, and robotics, among others. Expert System Expert System (AI )is undoubtedly among the most significant tech fads for the moment. This device can in numerous means: predicting what consumers will certainly buy, adding face acknowledgment to business protection, carrying out voice aides, taking advantage of independent vehicles and also robots, as well as the checklist goes on. Within the context we are going through nowadays, AI will certainly likewise, along with make wise decisions regarding when and where to disperse resources. Robotics and also car automation The year

2021 is likewise anticipated to be one with rapid growth as well as need for robotics, particularly in the healthcare field, to engage with members of society who are the most at risk to infection. For that reason, they are expected to offer brand-new networks of communication as well as cleansing and safety and security services for companies needing maintenance. Because means, cybersecurity mesh gives companies with, enabling the safety perimeter to be specified around an individual's identification or point. In other words, any person can get accessibility to any type of digital asset in a guaranteed manner, no matter where the data lies. The Cloud Although this fad began method before the pandemic, Covid-19's effect on globally companies has certainly increased it. Many thanks to Cloud services, firms of diverse sectors can As the Covid pandemic goes on, increasingly more firms depend on the Cloud to p Concerning this, Statista

predicts that as 2021 gets underway, the public Cloud services market is anticipated to go beyond 362. 3 billion UNITED STATE dollars by 2022. WFH innovation This might be the technology pattern that will go to the top of the platform during 2021., and also it appears this fad is expected to proceed to grow in the years ahead. A survey revealed by Gartner shows that 90%of Human Resources leaders will allow staff members to function remotely also after the Covid-19 vaccination is available.

Tools like, as well as other communication platforms have become vital for lots of enterprises, helping with remote functioning throughout the world. These devices have aided dispersed teams monitor the projects they are dealing with, along with All these brand-new tools as well as technologies that have emerged as an outcome of remote functioning have also aided firms, as well as enhance cooperation amongst members. Nonetheless, taking into consideration that workers working from home have to use their networks as well as that these might not be as secure as those provided by the work environment, businesses could have to transform to 3rd celebrations like Cloud solutions to ensure those networks are risk-free and also the data is secured. The years 2020 as well as 2021 have actually been unlike any type of in the past. COVID may have transformed our lives upside-down, however it could

not keep organizations or experts stationary. Organizations rolled on, customarily, people maintained functioning, albeit remotely and also most procedures still unravelled smoothly. As well as for all this, we have just technology to give thanks to. Yet what regarding C-Suite executives? Research studies reveal that even though lots of firms are thinking about migrating 80% of procedures to the cloud within a years, CEOs are not so sure. As couple of as 3 out of 10 Chief executive officers feel positive concerning cloud movement. The prime reason for this is of course data protection of consumers. They will certainly have all security attributes, brimming with data securityand database monitoring to maintain your data risk-free. If Chief executive officers are still not comfortable, they can still go for a choice that will certainly permit for migration of procedures but won't call for information to be stored in the cloud. With the cloud, Raise as well as Change does the job for you! You can merely migrate your whole system to the cloud as well as do away with your tradition infrastructure. You can change you organization by spending in innovation. Tradition facilities badly restricts innovation as well as market dexterity, and yet, CEOs have to stay with it because that facilities is all they can rely on for smooth operation. Yet what if they can successfully move to the cloud? After that there will certainly be no end to innovation as well as dexterity. Customer Data Platforms, Advertising and marketing for anybody as well as everyone is a distant memory. And Consumer Data System has proved that by being just one of the biggest innovation fads for 2021. In 2021 information rules advertising entirely, with 93 %of advertising supervisors agreeing that using client information for marketing makes certain to provide encouraging results. Now using this comprehensive database of details, the advertising and marketing group can create client profiles as well as generate strategies to woo the consumer. What are the advantages of utilizing a devoted customer data system? When the marketing group knows the consumer inside out, they can draft customized strategies for each and every, which provides them a better opportunity to rapidly rack up a sale. Choice 2: Ask the customers for their information. No data taken from the web can be as authentic as the one the customer himself will certainly offer you with. Not just sales but a CDP can additionally be a critical aspect in much better customer retention. With more data regarding the customer, the entire group can be knowledgeable about client assumptions from them whether in terms of solution or merely web site UI. Before CDPs entered into use, turnkey assimilations needed to be executed on consumer data to develop a centralized data source, which used up both time and manpower. The entire procedure of utilizing data for advertising has actually ended up being much more reliable with making use of CDPs. Work From Home, Instead than an innovation fad, job from home has ended up being a way of living for us now. However in the post-pandemic world, CEOs require to come to terms with the truth that such situations may occur time and again and we have the technology to handle them effectively. Naturally, running a business without any type of in person interaction could be daunting, but there are ways to make sure individuals are collaborating with genuineness as well as stability. If required, give your employees with a VPN to see to it your information is risk-free and also the web speed is good. This will make certain all virtual conferences as well as discussions run without a problem. Your next-gen staff members are constantly ready to adapt any type of type

of innovation trends and devices you toss at them, however what regarding the older workforce? It is not possible or fair to throw them in the stumble in the center of the pandemic. Does this mean there will be no UI? Naturally not. Based upon an Internet of Points idea, brainless tech mainly refers to a personalized front-end. For example, when we log into Amazon.com, all countless customers see the exact same interface, there is no personalization. But with headless tech, there is no telling what we will certainly see when we open up the application. Modification possibilities will certainly be endless. Every client can have their really own UI.Cross-platform adaptation will not require any type of additional work! Allows smooth combinations, This is the new kid in town when it pertains to innovation fads in service however this is the age of tailored customer experience so it is only a matter of time prior to business pick this up, toss in some hardcore R&D and also take it to new heights. These customized collections have an all-in-one platform that has software program relating to all key HR features like pay-roll and also advantages monitoring, soft skill management, onboarding, and also cooperation. Among the prime tasks of the HR department is to care for staff member troubles, one of the most crucial of which is the employee's psychological wellness. Courtesy of AI, we have actually discovered a method out of this. The employer need only go into a few requirements and the bot will just wade its means with your pile of applications and also take out the very best of the great deal. After that it depends on our experienced HR professionals to cherry-pick thebest for the position! These five technologies are still in their incipient phases as well as are not yet regular attributes for all companies. This is where Radixweb can aid you with valuable experience as well as understandings, gathered over years of experience in aiding organizations and also their tech needs with electronic change solutions. To reach out to us to discuss even more innovation fads in business, offer us a telephone call or go down an email!.?.!!. Because of the disastrous hit of the pandemic from the yearand database monitoring to keep your data safe. In 2021 data rules advertising completely, with 93 %of advertising supervisors concurring that utilizing client data for advertising is sure to give promising results.

[questionsonislam]

What is mind and how should it be used?

For mind, there are various definitions such as ''The apparatus to understand, Ability to think, Intelligence, Reason'' and ''In a material heart and soul, a spiritual light which is located in the ray of the brain.''

Philosophers interpret differently and described it with different ways; but there can be shown no single definition on which they all have agreed. What does that mean? It means that human beings have not yet comprehended the true nature of their minds.

Here is a beautiful definition of mind: ''Mind is an essence independent of the matter with its nature but has to do with it with its actions.''

How is it that it is both independent of the matter and has to do with it? The following example may shed light on the matter.

We can easily touch a working refrigerator or a washing machine and we do not get an electric shock. That is to say, electricity does not exist in that apparatus with its nature but has to do with it with its actions. There is a similar correlation, if not the same, between mind and brain.

So many things have been said about the duty of mind. One of them, which is quite agreed on, is as follows: ''Mind is apparatus to understand.''

If mind is apparatus, there is supposed to be someone who uses it. Obviously, whoever looks by using eyes and whoever tastes by using tongue, it must be again him that understands by using mind. This is nothing but spirit. While warning someone who is doing something wrong, we say, Use your mind.'' We are unlikely to use this phrase for someone's hands, arms or internal organs.

The spirit from which we expect to use its mind cannot define mind. How come? It is even unaware of its own true nature, is ignorant of it too.

Every instrument has a capacity and every scale has minimum and maximum weights, which it could weigh. With a weighing machine of 1 ton, neither ten tones of iron nor ten grams of gold can be weighed. In both cases, the machine would not give us an idea, it would just remain motionless.

Each of man's senses is like a scale. Likewise, man cannot see germs with naked eyes nor the stars, whose lights have not reached our world at all. A microscope, a telescope broadens their visibility a bit but cannot get out of certain boundaries. It is also the case for man's hearing and smelling too.

Let us come to the point of 'understanding'. Man, who thinks of handling every instrument properly, who overloads none of them beyond their power, forgets all measurements and attempts to load everything onto it when mind is in question. He struggles to understand even the subtlest subjects of the metaphysical field, to work out the deepest problems, to discover the remotest realities. However there are particular fields where mind can function. On some points, it is not true for man even to have a guess, let alone speak.

There are so many fields where mind cannot go without a guide. One of them is that: Why was the universe created?

Mind can say something only about how universe was created. The aim of its creation goes beyond the boundary of mind. Man, in this valley, must only listen to reason and the words of Allah (SWT) Who created the universe.

Man can comprehend through his mind that every being was created on wisdom and with a particular purpose and he himself cannot be unsupervised. However, he himself cannot decide what he should do for his Creator. He may understand that every favor requires thanks but cannot have a guess how to do that.

Another field where mind cannot come near alone is the Person of Allah. How man, who has not yet understood the nature of his mind and spirit, dares to speak about this issue?

The other issues are death and the Hereafter; grave, resurrection, judgment, reward and punishment. To have a guess about them is also beyond the power of mind. What reason does necessitate is to comply with the Divine Decree completely on this or similar points.

If your mind is dull, let the sun of the Quran shine on you. Look with the light of belief, and instead of the firefly of your own mind. Each verse of the Quran will illumine you like a star. (Bediuzzaman, The Words)

Those who get touched by the Holy Quran reach the light, they become as if they were born anew. Their narrow minds are immediately widened, their blind eyes open. In the fields where they previously could not take a step, they start to make way, to soar and to fly. But verily this is to some extent because they are limited as servants and creatures.

In reality, there is only one path for mind. This is to follow the Revelation itself by ignoring any others words.

The history of philosophy is full of debates over mind. In those debates, it was considered in detail what mind was, on the other hand, it was not generally taken into consideration how it should be used. Nevertheless, the second is far more significant than the first.

It is well known that if man knows how to use a tool he can easily make use of it. He need not know its subtleties.

Let us read the translation of the following Quranic Verse:

They ask thee concerning the Spirit (of inspiration).Say: The Spirit (cometh) by command of my Lord: of knowledge, it is only a little that is communicated to you, (O men!). (Al-Isra Surah, 17:85)

This divine message absolutely is acceptable for mind too. As a matter of fact, words like spirit, heart, and mind are used to suggest the same meaning. Whereas some regard mind as the quality of the spirit, on the other hand, some others regard the words mind, spirit, and heart as different names of the same nature.

Yes, in both the Holy Quran and in the words (hadith) of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), it is focused on how to use mind rather than its nature. So many exemplary scenes are introduced to human mind such as the creation of the space and the earth, the creation phases of man, the usefulness of mountains and rivers, the worthiness of bees for inspiration, resemblance of the Spring to the Resurrection. Moreover, he is expected to think, to understand, and to be thankful.

[air-in-words]

The Phantom of the Opera: Sorting Hat Chats System

I have returned! This time, I'm talking about one of my longest running obsessions: The Phantom of the Opera musical. Keep in mind, this will only be in reference to the way the characters are presented in the musical, so the housing may be different in different media.

Also, if you have any questions about the system, I'd direct you to my last post about Scooby-Doo, or to @sortinghatchats (the originators of the system) and @wisteria-lodge (my personal favorite fan sorter.)

First off, as discussed elsewhere, stories themselves can have houses as well! Since this musical is my absolute favorite and I have dissected it on more than one occasion, I feel I can speak on the houses this story comments on. At it's core, Phantom is a story that sets the Gryffindor Primary way of life against the Slytherin way, and forces the heroine to acknowledge what kind of person she is. Is she a fighter or a lover?

In this story, Gryffindor Primary says that your ideals are most important. What is right and what is good should win out in the end. Those who are wrong should be punished and evil and good truly exist in this world. There are angels and there are demons, and only the angels have earned their right to love.

Meanwhile, the Slytherin Primary says love is the final word. It argues that you love who you love, and all is fair in love and war. And that doesn't just mean romantic love. Creative love, familial love, friendly love, love of one's career.... all of these are beyond "good" and "evil," "right" and "wrong." Love is not created by seeing the goodness of a person, and can exist despite the existence of evil there, and that is okay.

The moral of this story, in my opinion, falls in the Slytherin camp. And that is because two of three main characters are Slytherin Primaries, and it is through their love, of art, of creation, and of each other (romantically or not) that the main conflict is resolved.

I'll only be sorting the three main characters, as they're really all I need to illustrate this point. Here we go!

The Phantom: Slytherclaw (Exploded Slytherin Primary, Ravenclaw Secondary)

The Phantom is an ultimate example of the "Jack of All Trades" Ravenclaw Secondary. He is a scholar, musician, composer, singer, architect, inventor... the list goes on. He is a collector of tools, and these tools he uses to compensate for his deformity. He has made himself overly competent to feel better and as though he might deserve a place at humanity's table. He uses careful planning and control over an environment he claims is his to give the impression of being a ghost. That brings us to his Exploded Slytherin Primary, or rather, his initially Petrified Slytherin Primary. Being a ghost is the dream of any Petrified Slytherin. To become a literal non-entity, unable to be hurt, unable to love, unable to care for anyone other than themselves. He was very unfortunate to be born with a Slytherin Primary housing, as the rejection of those he loved lead him to his petrifying. He wanted no one in his circle but himself and sought to other himself purposefully, removing himself from society. Until, he met Christine. Her love of music and creation, a love he had used to replace his need for chosen people, helped him to connect, and he slowly began to un-petrify. This could have been a healthy thing for him, a way for him to return to life, but no. He was so certain he'd never need anyone else, never want anyone else, never find anyone else that he clung desperately to her, became obsessed, and we watch his explosion throughout the musical. In one fell swoop, he went from entirely petrified to an explosion of pent-up love and devotion aimed only at her, all his love for the chosen people before him aimed only at her. And, with his newly ignited love, he tries to convince Christine to be only with him, care only for him, which as an Exploded Slytherin Primary, feels like the only way to properly love someone, the only right way to live, and murder and extortion are perfectly respectable ways to attempt to hang onto that love. So, he asks her to give in to the "music of the night." Her love of music, creation, and her devotion to him as her Angel of Music. But, there is another man in her life, telling her there's a higher calling, a higher judge of character than love.

Raoul de Chagny: True Gryffindor (Gryffindor Primary, Gryffindor Secondary)

I know Raoul has a reputation of being a soft-hearted guy, but this guy is most definitely a Gryffindor Secondary. After not seeing Christine for years, he has no problem coming into her dressing room uninvited and inviting her to dinner, and expects no pushback from her. He is quick to judgement, confronting the managers about sending him a note that he has little proof they sent. He makes himself as a barrier against evil, as he swears with confidence that he will protect Christine from a man who has already killed once. He is filled with fiery passion for doing what is right above all else and will barrel over any evil-doer who stands in his way, an old school Knight in Shining Armor. But, his Gryffindor Primary ultimately leads him into conflict with the woman he loves. After having seen this monster attack innocent people, he is sure that Christine would want to run away with him and condemn the Phantom for all time, but he is utterly confused by her reaction. Not only is she not running away, she's actively refusing to help capture him and pushing against him! Why?? Raoul's extreme Gryffindor-ness leads him down into the lair to save her when she is taken, to be immediately rendered useless by both the punjab lasso and the plot. His righteous nature is not wrong, and in many other stories, he would be the hero of the day. But, this is a Slytherin story, and so love is the only solution.

Christine Daaé: Slytherpuff (Slytherin Primary, Hufflepuff Secondary)

We spend a lot of the musical inside Christine's head, more than we spend watching her physically act in reality, but we can still figure out her secondary. Her Hufflepuff Secondary comes out in her devotion to her craft. She is a hard worker and takes her art very seriously. But, Christine can also be a doormat, allowing people like Carlotta to walk all over her for far too long out of fear of rocking the boat. She is regarded as a quiet and kind woman who works diligently at her craft, so Puff Secondary felt right. Now, for her most defining trait in the musical, her (almost unhealthy) Slytherin Primary. Christine has never quite petrified, but she has come very close. Her father was, and, for a while into the musical, still is, her entire world. He was her only companion in life for a very long time, and all of her creative energy came from her love for him. Then, she met Raoul as a child. The young and charming True Gryffindor was easily able to slip past her shyness with his Gryff Secondary panache, and she had found another chosen person to bring into her life. Even after they were separated, she never forgot him and continued to love and appreciate him. Then, her father died. She nearly petrified, wanted to push most people away, especially with Raoul nowhere to be found, but the Angel of Music her father promised her came to her. The Angel replaced her father in her circle of chosen people and became the most important person in her life. She would sing for him out of devotion and love, just like her father was a muse to her. But, Raoul's sudden return into her life creates the conflict. Things have changed, Raoul. She has someone she feels a loyalty to that she cannot break. Even as her Angel is proven to be a deformed man, even after he has murdered, even then, she cannot bring herself to despise him and shun him. When you're in with a Slytherin, you're in hard. It is only when the Phantom tries to take advantage of her grief at her father's grave, only after she fully confronts that her father is never coming back, that she can bring herself to fully side against him with Raoul. The Phantom should know how much her father means to her. He should understand. A Slytherin using another Slytherin's person against them is the ultimate betrayal. The next betrayal came when he threatened to take away Raoul, her last chosen person beyond the Phatom himself, trying to force her to become like him and live in the darkness alone. Instead, it is through Christine's Slytherin-like act of love towards Phantom, even beyond his horrible acts, that ends his tirade.

Let me know what you think of my analysis! [And, if anyone in the Phandom sees this: yes, I love Raoul. No, I don't like LND. I'm technically a fan of both E/C and R/C, but I believe R/C is ultimately canon and better aligns with the moral of the original story. Meghan Picerno is my current favorite Christine (love me an operatice Christine,) Jordan Donica is the best Raoul to ever grace the stage and deserves a spin at the Phantom, and Earl Carpenter has my favorite acting interpretation of the Phantom even if his singing was only okay.]

[linkspooky]

Dazai and Chuuya: Ningen Shikkaku

Chuuya and Dazai are one of the most heavily discussed partnerships in the manga. The two of them are clearly set up as foils the same way Atsushi and Akutagawa the main character and the main rival are. However, while Atsushi and Akutagawa are “different, but the same” in a way that makes them come into conflict the partnership between Chuuya and Dazai reads differently to me. Rather than “different, but the same” its “Different, but desires the same” as both Chuuya and Dazai desire to live as human beings but go about achieving that in completely different ways. 

For more analysis on “Double Black” or “Soukoku” and their connection to “Ningen Shikkaku” or “No Longer Human” the author Osamu Dazai’s most famous work, read under the cut. 

Double Black is a partnership that functions despite the two characters seeming hatred of one another. It’s a rivalry and a friendship in one, because while both of them are constantly competing and put off by one another. 

Both Chuuya and Dazai also know each other well. They are so familiar with the other so much so that the other functions as an extension of their own self. Therefore their hatred of each other comes not from being unable to comprehend the other but rather familiarity. They hate each other because they know each other. They also, get the other. 

I would go one step further to say both of them see each other as a person, in the others eyes, which is also something that frustrates them. When Chuuya is introduced to Dazai in Fifteen it’s all too easy to see him as a suicidal maniac or a cold blooded mafioso. However, against CHuuya’s own wishes he comes to understand Dazai by the end of the story as someone who wants to live. 

1. On Dazai and Human Beings 

Dazai as well has a tendency to not see the people around them as people. While not extreme as Dostoevsky is, Dazai is manipulative, and explicitly has been referenced several times to move people around like chess pieces on a board. 

It’s important to notice that Dazai’s behavior is not just the result of him being a brilliant mastermind. Though, it is a symptom of him being so smart it is practically a flaw in his character. If you read Dostoevsky as a foil to inform us on Dazai’s mindset (as Dazai tends to be cagey about where his own thoughts and beliefs lie especially to the audience) then, Dazai’s thinking is similiar to Fyodor he can read the thoughts of others so well that it’s hard for him to consider them an equal unless they have the same level of intellect as him. 

In other words Dazai is so used to being the smartest person in the room, that it’s done the exact opposite for his development. Oda in general has always had the best read on Dazai. 

‘‘That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.’’

Dazai is so smart he can read the situation while literally in jail with little to no contact with the outside world, just because he’s predicted the actions of everybody involved probably weeks in advance, then relay those orders to Ango. His method of planning is always to make plans on his own that predict the actions of others, and then trusting that they will follow through on his predictions of them without even telling them what he expects.  Dazai is able to anticipate their actions in certain situations so well, it begins to seem as if they are not complex organisms independent from him with their own thoughts and feelings, but instead pre-programmed npcs on the rails serving their role in his game. 

This predictive ability is something that has utterly stunted him as a person. We know nothing about Dazai as a child beyond his relationship with Mori, and the fact that he was already suicidal at fifteen years old but imagine what it must be like growing up when you are already smarter than most adults you meet. Children need adults to guide them in their formative years. However, Dazai who even as a child is already smart enough to see the hypocrisies present in the adults trying to guide him (Mori again, who was probably the worst person to raise someone like Dazai, but more on that later) Dazai is someone who has absolutely no incentive to grow up. Therefore he stays a child in the darkness, therefore he stays lost. 

It’s Dazai’s natural tendency to not see people around him as human beings capable of making their own decisions, and with a rich internal world that is separate from their own. It’s also a flaw he has to fight against. This is why we see him despite Akutagawa’s desperation for a connection with him, separating himself from Akutagawa unless he needs something from him. This is why even though he does genuinely trust and value the Detective Agency, why Dazai has a habit of going off on his own, never informing the others of his actions and his intentions until it comes time to make a decision. While Dazai is better than Fyodor, this is still manipulative behavior. Here’s the thing the less information you let another person have the less control they have over the situation. Especially if when it comes time to make the decision you frontload them with all of the information that you were holding back all along with the intention of pointing them to the decision you want them to make. Dazai does this all with good intentions, but he still relies on his tricks from his mafia days to achieve them. Dazai doesn’t trust other people with all the information, up front, and trust them with transparency of his intentions. 

In that way he doesn’t give them full free independence to move. Dazai is so good at reading people on the surface, and the way they act externally, that he basically has no interest in their internal worlds at all. 

Dazai enjoys humans as a whole, he wants to help them rather than Fyodor who wants to kill them to save them from their own sinfulness. However, it’s important to recognize he still talks about humans as a whole like an outsider of the group. As if he’s an observer looking at the herd of humanity, and something else rather than a human being himself. 

Which finally ties to the literary influence in Dazai’s character. A lot of this comes from  Ōba Yōzō, the protagonist of no longer human, a troubled man incapable of revealing his true self to others, and who is instead forced to uphold a facade of hollow jocularity. 

Yozo speaks over and over again about human beings as a whole as if they were some kind of aliens he was never meant to understand. 

In other words, you might say that I have no understanding of what makes human beings tick. 

[...]

I might have already been disqualified as living among human beings. 

[...]

I find it difficult to understand the kind of human being who lives, or who is sure he can live, purely, happily, serenely while engaged in deceit. Human beings never did teach me that abstruse secret. If I had only known that one thing I should never had to dread human beings so, nor should I have opposed myself to human life, nor tasted such torments of hell every night. 

[...]

I have tried insofar as possible to avoid getting involved in the sordid complication of human beings. 

[...]

I know that I am liked by other people, but I seem to be deficient in the faculty to love others, (I should add that I have very strong doubts as to whether human beings possess this faculty.)

Especially with the last quote it becomes apparent what Yozo’s real issue is. He is unable to see himself as a human being, and therefore he projects his dehumanization and sense of alienation onto all others. It’s not Human Beings as the problem, but rather Yozo’s complete inability to see, or treat other people as people that leads to his further isolation from them. 

Which connects to Dazai’s character really well. He sees himself as some kind of nonliving thing, a corpse that keeps walking around delaying his eventual suicide, and therefore he does not see other people around him as people too. He projects that they are the ones who are far too difficult to understand, who are far to seethrough and transparent that he sees all of their hypocrisies and is afraid of them. Yet, Dazai never confronts his own hypocrisies either even though he is rife with them. He projects outward his fears about himself onto other people, but it’s Dazai who understands himself the least, and it’s Dazai who sees himself as the least human. 

Notice that Dazai’s sense of alienation may come from his intelligence, but at the same time his one and only friend and the most important person in his life was not a super genius. Mori is the person who in the Port Mafia who has the most in common with Dazai seeing people as mere tools to move according to his wants, and even attempting to mentor Dazai to do the same. It’s Oda, who is not a genius. Rather, Dazai sees Oda as a good person, something he can never see himself as being. 

That’s what Dazai’s lesson in “Dark Era” is. There is no magical components inside of you that makes you a good person. From the way Dazai talks he’s already aware at least what the right thing to do, he just doesn’t do it at the time. The thing is Oda wasn’t born a good person. He just decided to become one in his own way one day. He had the freedom to choose that and define himself. Dazai is so scared of what a bad person he is, he lacks the self reflection to try to define himself and keeps his internal workings a mystery probably even to himself. 

Oda was Dazai’s friend and equal, even though he was not a super genius like Fyodor or a cunning manipulator like Mori, because he saw and treated Dazai consistently like a human being. That was the only great secret to the mystery that is Osamu Dazai. The mystery is that there’s not much of a mystery at all, Dazai just fools you into believing that he’s an unreadable ghost because he does not want other people, or more likely himself to understand his own actions. He is a paradox, smarter than everyone around him, and yet deeply insecure and finding himself inferior to all other human beings and their values of righteousness. This is why Dazai’s other biggest foil besides Chuuya is Kunikida, someone who strives for the ideal while Dazai is someone who falls far below the ideal. But those ideals in the first place, are just human concepts that were thought up by human beings, not natural things they were born with. 

As smart as he is, Dazai doesn’t get that. He doesn’t understand that the things that sabotage him from righteousness are not supposed inhuman flaws and qualities that he has. Rather, because of his painfully human flaws, his insecurities towards others, his inability to connect, him being trapped inside of his own head, and only perceiving things from his own point of view. Dazai is clearly not intended to be a psychopath, he has emotions as he was clearly distraught by Oda’s death, he clearly has the ability to make connections to other people and values those connections to the point where he’s clearly trying to improve how he treats Atsushi vs how he treated Akutagawa. “I’m hated by righteousness”, and “I’m a bad person” him being an inhuman, unfeeling demon is just Dazai’s own personal narrative to stop him from confronting the weakness of his own character. 

The joke of No Longer Human is that Yozo while not seeing himself as a human being, is tripped up by what are very obviously human qualities, his anxiety towards other people, his need to be loved, his fear or rejection causing him to hide his true self. Dazai Osamu is as human as everybody else, but he denies his own humanity, thus he is the human failure, thus he is disqualified from being a human being, thus he is no longer human. 

2. On Chuuya and Human Beings

Unlike Dazai, Chuuya has far more of a claim to not being a human being. After all, he literally sees himself as an empty body possessed by Arahabaki who is a weird extra dimensional being. 

Chuuya is Dazai’s inverse, rather than someone who actively and habitually avoids his own humanity, Chuuya is desperate to learn about his origins. He wants to fill in the darkness and the gaps in himself, whereas Dazai would rather leave things in the dark. 

The irony of course being that Chuuya, even though he has some kind of unknowable void inside of him and his origins are completely a mystery even to him, to the point where he does not know if he was a corpse that was resurrected, a child that was possessed after being used by experiments, and if his current identity is his own, if there are vestiges of his old identity, if he’s entirely arahabaki, or a fusion of the two. Chuuya’s origin is confusing even to him, and this is entirely on purpose. Unlike Dazai who avoids confronting his true nature nature, Chuuya’s true nature is unknowable even when he searches for it. The irony being, that even though one could make the argument that Chuuya is genuinely an inhuman entity, that Chuuya is much more human on the surface than Dazai and gets along with other human beings better than Dazai ever could. 

Unlike Dazai who can predict people so far in advance that he does not ned to trust others, and therefore often makes decisions for them, or withholds information until the last moment and infleunces them into making the choice he wants to make, Chuuya is someone who fundamentally trusts others. Even down to his ability “Tainted” using it requires him to trust the fact that Dazai who he supposedly hates and who hates him in return will be there to stop it. 

If “isolation” is a central theme to Dazai’s character, then “Trust” and “Loyalty” are what is most important to Chuuya. His entire identity revolves around them. This is also specifically from his origins, Chuuya had nothing, no place of belonging, no memories of the past, just an unfathomable black void in his mind when he was found. That is why he relies on the others around him entirely to give him any sense of identity. 

If Dazai’s inability to trust is a flaw. If he cannot see righteousness, trust, or loyalty, because he sees through people too well to believe in those ideals and only sees them as hypocrisy. Then, Chuuya’s flaw is that he trusts too much. That he believes in trust and loyalty to the people around him to the point that he lets them use him. Dazai was only able to find his identity after leaving the mafia, but Chuuya’s identity is so tied up in the mafia, that he could never leave, or never doubt someone like Mori the way Dazai does. 

It’s apparent in his relationship with the Sheep in “Fifteen.” 

The Sheep insist that Chuuya is obligated to fight for them because he has a strong ability, despite the fact that he’s the leader they almost never listen to him even when he only has their best interest in mind. 

Dazai tells him he “acts like a sheep in the eyes of wolfs.” If Dazai is someone who considers himself an outside, like a shepard who can never truly belong in the herd but can guide them in their best interest. Then Chuuya sees himself as a wolf pretending to be a sheep. Not with the intent of eating them, but because he desperately wants to be recognized as a part of the herd. Unlike Dazai Chuuya is much more open about his want to have a sense of belonging with other people. However, instead of being accepted he had the opposite result. Chuuya was a sheep all along, and the others were like wolves deceiving him only to prey on him and take advantage of him. Chuuya had no family or relatives, and he still sees the sheep as better than him for accepting him despite him knowing nothing about himself. He sees himself as someone lower than them because of that inhuman part of his character and the things he does not know about himself. The truth is though, that Chuuya is just another sheep and Dazai can see it as plain as day. 

His want to be accepted, his want to have a place of belongings, his want to have a personality, mind, values, the way he takes his identity from others around him, those are all human traits. Dazai sees this, especially since these are desires that Dazai deliberately avoids and denies himself. 

Chuuya as a peson is someone who is desperately seeking answers for himself. However, he does not believe he has those answers inside of himself. He sees himself as someone who is unnatural, and therefore far inferior to the other human beings around him. Therefore he relies on the guidance of “human beings”. Which is his exact flaw that always results in him being loyal to the wrong people. 

Mori is a bad person, but he also gave Chuuya the answers that Chuuya needed the most, when he needed them the most. 

Chuuya believes there is something missing inside of himself, and his loyalty to the port mafia, and the others is something that can fulfill that missing thing, but he’s wrong and such blind loyalty only results in him getting used repeatedly. As he sees himself as an inhuman tool in the first place, he thinks he can be fulfilled by finding someone to use him the right way. 

3. Dazai and Chuuya’s Relationship

So, Dazai and Chuuya deep inside of themselves both want the same thing. They both want to find their place among human beings. They go about it in opposite ways. Dazai ran away from the mafia and chose the path of saving people. Chuuya stayed with the mafia and chose the path of loyalty to find a place of belonging. 

I don’t write meta to declare characters good or bad people, but Dazai is kind of a jerk. He’s manipulative and does not see other people as individuals but rather pieces he can move around to get what he wants, and yet he is on the side of saving people. Chuuya sees other human beings as individuals and he sees himself as the tool. He is generally much more concerned about the welfare of individual people. He is capable of trusting others. He is concerned for Akutagawa’s well being and treats him much better than Dazai ever did. He fights to protect his friends, and values life a whole lot more. Yet, at the same time he’s on the side of the Port Mafia, he’s on the side of killing people for the mafia. 

One of Chuuya’s major weaknesses is he only tends to see those he’s loyal to, and the friends around him as human beings. Even though he’s much better at making those friendships and connections than Dazai ever is. Despite respecting other people, he is also much more willing to be cutthroat and kill those he considers in the “outside group” in order to protect those within his group. 

Ironically Chuuya’s behavior is exactly what Fyodor refers to as a “Sinfully stupid” human choice to make, because knowing he’s being manipulated he still chooses to kill the other organization head because it is his best bet to save the people he’s loyal to. 

This is why we see Chuuya and Dazai in such opposite positions. Chuuya’s behavior just comes off as a lot more human than Dazai’s does. He genuinely believes in the human values that Dazai rejects. It’s most apparent in their relationship with Mori. 

Dazai is someone who despite seeming like the same type of person as Mori, someone who only sees other people as tools to use for their own purposes sees through Mori. He knows the parts of Mori are selfish and only acting on his own desires rather than making decisions for the good of the organization as he claims. 

Chuuya is someone who genuinely belives in Mori and follows his guidance. Chuuya and Dazai are such opposites that they even both reacted to their mentors in opposite ways. Chuuya someone mentored by Ozaki Koyo who despite all of her flaws sees her subordinates as human beings. She even eventually aids in Kyouka’s escape from the mafia once she realized she would be better off that way, and only tried to stop her from leaving because she believed Kyouka would hurt herself trying to escape to the light and failing the same way Koyo did in the past. 

Chuuya while he does show a lot of infleunce from Koyo, he does treat everyone underneath him as human beings, he takes care of those people like they were his own, at the same time takes the opposite path as her. Chuuya has never once tried to leave the mafia and is uninterested in it. Part of him even loathes Dazai for leaving the mafia because it’s a betrayal against loyalty, which is the most important quality for Chuuya. At the same time unlike Koyo who once tried to escape the mafia, Chuuya believes that he, Akutagawa, everyone elseare better off in the mafia. He accepts the mafia because it gives guidance to the blank stretch of void that is his own life.

Dazai on the other hand, who Mori chose due to their similarities, and tried to manipulate by giving him a purpose and meaning to his life (the exact thing that Chuuya lets himself become a tool in order to have), ends up also choosing the opposite path of his mentor. Mori claims that he became the head of the Port Mafia for the sake of the city. Dazai however, leaves the Port Mafia fo his own personal development, so he can become a better person. The mafia’s values of loyalty, or their roles as the watchers of the night and the controllers of the dark side of the city mean almost nothing to him. Dazai sees through Mori. He refused to let himself be shaped into the right hand that Mori wanted him to become. 

We also see a reversal of their situations. Dazai is now fighting to protect a small group of close allies in his organization, even though he manipulates them and orchestrates things in order to protect them. Chuuya is now practically Mori’s right hand man. To the point where he took over command of the mafia when Mori was put out of commission, and everyone accepted his temporary leadership. He took the place that Dazai was originally meant to occupy. 

So their rivalry may just originate from the fact that they’ve chosen to take such opposite paths in life, that each one of them think is the absolute wrong path. Dazai thinks Chuuya’s value of loyalty and trust is just something that gets him used. Chuua thinks Dazai doesn’t have any trust and loyalty inside of himself at all. 

Their ways of thinking are also opposites. Dazai meticulously reads and analyzes everybody else around him, but he’s very untrusting of himself and lacks self reflection. Chuuya’s style of decision making and deduction requires him to trust in his own gut instinct and follow that through. Chuuya is someone very much aware of what his own values are, and what his thoughts ar, and follows those. 

Chuuya seeks himself. Dazai denies himself. 

The most frustrating part of all probably to each of them is that they do not want to acknowledge each other, they do not want to see the other as a human being. 

Part of Dazai’s conflict regarding Chuuya is probably jealousy. Chuuya despite being you know, pat god void monster whatever, is just a lot more normal than Dazai. He got along with other teenagers his own age. He shows no interest in death or dying. He acts like a normal teenager, bratty, rude, obsessed with looking cool. He is able to be normal in ways that Dazai isn’t, and therefore he is more qualified as a human being. 

Whereas Dazai acts in a way that Chuuya is afraid of. Chuuya fears his own inhumanity, that his body does not really belong to him and he’s merely just possessing it. He fears that he’s empty on the inside and the way Dazai acts to him is how he assumes an empty person like him would act if he were not trying his best to belong among other human beings. 

That is why both of them actively seek to dehumanize each other. Chuuya just wants to see Dazai as a suicide maniac who wants to kill himself for no reason. It’s easier to see him as someone who just wants to die rather than understanding his motivations for why. 

However, against his wishes Chuuya ends up coming to understand Dazai. Once he understands that Dazai is a person with his own motivations, it’s impossible to look away from him the way he previously did. 

The same for Dazai, he wanted to reduce Chuua to being a dog. He wanted to deny Chuuya his own humanity, and make it easier for him to control. However, in the end Chuuya always refuses to be his dog. Chuuya is someone who asserts his own humanity to Dazai at every step of the way in a way that Dazai cannot deny. He won’t let Dazai see him as anything other than a human being. While older Dazai may be more mature and does not want to completely control other people the same way fifteen year old Dazai did, the fact that Chuuya is so undeniably his own person in a way that Dazai struggles with seeing other people as people is probably still something that irks him. 

In the end, Chuuya and Dazai despise each other because they understand each other. They hate each other because they can’t hate each other. They see themselves as inhuman monsters, but they see the others weaknesses so well that the other is undeniably human in their eyes. 

Dazai and Chuuya are both people trying to find meaning to their existence as human beings, and trying to know themselves. However, as Rimbaud already pointed out both of their desires are equally futile because there was no meaning in the first place. Nobody finds meaning in their existence. Everyone, all creatures, live without knowing who they truly are the same way Chuuya and Dazai do. 

Rather than trying to find meaning in their own existence that they are never going to find, what both of them need to do is find acceptance of that fact. They are human beings, precisely because the two of them are such human failures. 

[a-patheticapathetic]

Rishloo - Feathergun: Review

New year, new me. Let’s repeat that until it becomes true. 

There seems to be a pattern with how I discover music. At a very young age, I hear a song in a very specific circumstance. It has a big impact on me, but I make absolutely zero effort to check out any of the artist’s other music and instead meander onto another earworm. Then, years later, I have another chance meeting with the same song/album/artist and fall completely down a rabbithole that foundationally changes my taste in music. It happened with Radiohead (High and Dry as one of the default songs in the original Rocksmith), Queens of the Stone Age (Lost Art of Keeping a Secret in a stick figure animation), and Nine Inch Nails (Hurt (Quiet) on Spotify radio). Then, there was this strange song called “Scissorlips” that I saw on a very small Rock Band 3 drum channel. I showed it to my brother because of how fun the chart looked, and made the mistake of watching his reaction to the video. His disinterest embarrassed me enough that I never chased the music. That is, of course, until many years later, when I was introduced to Tool. The rest is history, and is frankly stalling me from starting the actual review. Let’s get to it.

Scissorlips - 8/10

The strange, dark jungle the album begins with is a nice representation of the album cover, although it won’t rule over the entire runtime. Don’t let the de-tuned guitar under the vocals deter you; the rest of the guitarwork here is beautiful. As we reach the pre-chorus, the percussionists may hear why I was interested in this song as a kid. This is also where the sonic background really opens up, swallowing you for a moment before the intro verse comes back. The lyricism here is also very abstract, yet isn’t impossible to follow. A couple of metallic bites taken out of the mostly psychedelic walls of guitars, then, the first of many beautiful delay effects. The build-up got me pretty good when I heard this so many years ago, and It’s still damn good. For the love. There are so many guitar lines here that just intertwine and enlace you. Then, something a bit heavier (yet oddly hopeful) to round the song out.

Turning Sheep into Goats - 7/10

This intro is more of what can be expected for the rest of the album, sonically speaking. A lone guitar with delay playing a complicated and alluring line in a strange time signature, then built upon. The path you may assume this song will follow is extremely suddenly changed at the chorus, the vocals really driving it home. Then, back into that nice opening riff like nothing happened. The next time that chorus comes thundering around, listen to that low guitar and the way it combines with the drums. Then drop out the ugliness into a floating mesh of palm mutes and synthetic strings. And don’t miss the fl

Systematomatic - 7/10

awless transition into the next song. Immediately, a new riff rises from the pond of reverb. You may not identify it immediately, but don’t worry, you’ll get more chances to. Very fast guitar-work that somehow doesn't sound so frantic, although the chorus definitely has a certain desperation to it. The mood gets heavy again, before quickly sliding into a strange, feverish haze. Some hits of percussion, then a recontexutalized and slower return to the riff at the start of the song. Weave us back into war.

River of Glass - 8/10

Now this is an ear-catching introduction. What seems to be a calm wave of delay is punctuated by war drums and a grimier lead. The mood builds, then crescendos into the song proper. The chorus is hear damn near immediately, and is extremely catchy for prog. This album is really just full of extremely memorable vocals, and the instrumentals complement them perfectly. We get two goes-around before we fall into these twisting and sliding strings. The drummer is also on his A-game here. Then, the guitars push into the clouds before coming back down with another short but heavy low. Then it all cuts out for a second, juts to make the burst into the final chorus that much more effective.

Keyhole in the Sky - 7/10

This one is simpler, but also very filling and peaceful. Unfortunately it does begin to showcase my only problem with this album; the vocals are mixed too loud at times. And while the singer is absolutely incredible, sometimes I’d like the instrumentals to breathe a bit more. The walls of high guitar come back around, this time feeling much more friendly and familiar. One last chorus, closing on a quiet note. Though it’s not over; an alien feedback loop and somber, echoey horn passage lead us into the next track

Downhill - 10/10

This song has two main phases, and is absolutely perfect throughout. An easy start; a relatively simple and serene riff fed through a pleasant delay pedal, with some subtle synth and bass backing. The vocals shine through, as clear as ever. And wave, goodbye. Then, like stepping through a portal into phase one. A very interesting, rhythmic and almost bluesy instrumental accompanies the title-drop. Then, we fall for miles down a well of piano. The bottom greets us with a moonlit key solo, then an incredible Floydian guitar solo. Hanging on the last note, phase two begins with an ominous drone and repeating guitar line. The drums rise, give a false start. then... perfection. I cannot do phase two justice with words. Just close your eyes, listen, and be swept away in what I believe to be one of the greatest vocal performances of all time.

Lost.

Feathergun in the Garden of the Sun - 9/10

Not to be outdone by the previous masterpiece, the title track opens with another wonderful soundscape, before the distortion comes in. The drums pick up the tension, bringing us into the pre-chorus. That riff is going to be impossible to tap your foot to at first, but the next ones should be easier. And here we have perhaps the best chorus on the record; extremely powerful in writing and execution on the parts of every band member. The second time around is just as good as the first, then the brdige begins. Ready, aim... The heaviest riff on the album, and an abrupt switch into the last chorus. Fade out.

Dreamcatcher - 7/10

A nice break from the intensity. This feels like a peaceful tidepool on an alien world, with creatures and colors beyond the world floating around my head. Short but sweet.

Diamond Eyes - 6/10

By no means bad, I do feel like this one may be the weakest track on the album. While it’s certainly beautiful, I feel like it doesn’t do a whole lot that’s new or interesting. Also, when listening at high volume (which is the proper way to listen to this album), the faults in the mixing really rear their ugly heads during the choruses. Still, there are some very pleasant rolling delay loops here during the bridge, and a nice and satisfying buildup towards the end.

Katsushika - 7/10

While the guitar opening this track may be the most straight-forward and least effects-driven riff we’ve heard so far, this song will eventually become the most alien one of the entire lineup. In a good way, of course. I can barely even decipher exactly what’s going on in the instrumentation during that build. The chorus also ends with a nice drop-off into the next verse. You may be noticing a pattern with the songwriting, where the chorus usually leads into the second verse, following the pattern of the first one but with more layering. I like it; it gives the ideas present more time to mature and develop. Anyways, here comes the bridge, where everything changes. Out of everything going on here, I feel like the drums and the background vocals are the most striking thing about this outro. What a fantastic progression and dropout. Beautiful monsters.

Weevil Bride - 8/10

The finale. This riff here is extremely well-done. The tone here is somehow piercingly bright and concerningly dark at the same time. The lyricals themes of the album also come to a head here. This chorus is another incredibly written and performed beast; just wait until it’s modulated. The second verse lays away with the subtleties and strikes at the head. And I just need to know that everything is fine, and everyone’s alright. This bridge also kicks ass, with its heart-pouding combination of guitars and toms. Then, comes the heaviest part of the entire album: Yes, please. Then we are snapped out of the masochism and lifted back to hear the main point of the album, before the intro riff carries us into an uncertain but complete conclusion. After the “true” song ends, there is a long passage of somber horns and a tranquil, almost lullaby-esque keyboard. There’s something extremely nostalgic about this outro to me, but I still can’t put my finger on where it comes from. This section almost feels like the music they play after the end of a play, as the lights come on and you make your way down the dimly-lit theater steps on slightly numb and shaky legs. The story is over; this is your time to reflect.

The main reason I wanted to write about this album in particular is because I feel like it hasn’t gotten the attention it’s deserved. It truly feels like a masterpiece worthy of widespread recognition and praise, but despite being released over a decade ago, few people have even heard of this band. It feels like injustice, not only for Rishloo’s efforts, but for the people who would connect with this album as much as I have. Also, there’s the slightly selfish hope that increased attention would incentivize the band to work on more new stuff, or better yet, remaster their older works.

In any case, It’s very late, my back hurts because my spine hates my nervous system, and I need to actually get to sleep tonight so I can heal the godforsaken nerve that wedged itself in my inner workings yesterday. On a scale from “Your all-time low just lowered again”, to “Want some? Yes, please”, I give Feathergun a “Oh, what beautiful monsters”.