#aws invoice

[allcodeaws]

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[fazcinatingblog]

When Sophia rang this morning, she said she'd slept on the couch, still in yesterday's clothes, had knocked over the coffee and it had spilt everywhere and everything was wet and she couldn't even light her cigarette and

[a-suspicious-lack-of-bagel]

I'm currently at work and for various reasons, large customers (mostly libraries and schools) tend to order by email, liase with us on the book list, and then once the final list of books is confirmed they pay us.

However, from the look of my inbox (and the absence of a large order on our website); today marks the first time that a large customer has paid for their books BEFORE TELLING ME WHICH BOOKS THEY WANT TO BUY.

Anyways, about to send the most confused email of my professional life

[koushuwu]

today, i spent 4 hours booking one invoice. one.

[harunayuuka2060]

Beelzebub: Are you free? There's somewhere I would like to go with you.

MC: Can't you go there alone?

Beelzebub: Aw, you~. Why is it so difficult for you to accept orders from me?

MC: *stoic expression*

Beelzebub: Pwease~?

MC: ...

MC: Where do you want to go, my king?

MC: ...

Beelzebub: *brought them into a bar where everyone is having sex*

Beelzebub: Don't you just like this ambiance?

MC: ...

MC: *turns to the exit*

Beelzebub: Don't go~. *stops them from leaving*

MC: ...

Beelzebub: Spend time with your king, hm? I heard that the food here is good.

MC: I won't be spending a dime.

Beelzebub: Don't worry about it. I'll just send the invoice to Bael.

Bael: You shouldn't have paid for the meal.

MC: It's fine. It wasn't that expensive.

Bael: ...

Bael: I'm sorry for always bothering you.

MC: I'm a devil of Avisos. Trouble will always find me.

Bael: *smiles*

[nottivagos]

MECHANIC DANNY MECHANIC DANNY 🤤🤤 reader who works on his shop during summer break and just can't stop staring at him 'cause Danny undoes his belt as he works, stomach spilling out and the waistband of his boxers visible

(Knock knock! Who's there?) Welcome to Notti's "Not So Innocent" Notebook where I write some filth to make your Sunday a little bit better <3 || 18+ mdni pls and ty

an: oh nonnie.... you wouldn't do this to me.... surely....? i am actually going feral i think you broke me whilst i wrote this. it doesn't help that @orangeblossomsintheair literally fed me more feral thoughts for this ask.

The air in the reception area of the garage was stifling. It didn’t help that the AC had been broken for months, unfixed due to Danny’s disinterest in mending it, so when the summer months did arrive, it hit you all like a burning tidal wave. The humidity made you restless, constantly fidgeting in your seat as your body tried to regulate a cool temperature, the fabric of your flimsy outfit clinging to your sweaty skin.

During these days, you knew not to approach Danny whilst he worked. Not only did the hot weather sour his mood even more than it usually was, he was typically non-verbal, responding to your questions and comments with a disinterested grunt. Your cheeks flushed as you sat in the excruciating heat, clammy hands unable to type onto invoices you desperately needed to do.

Sweat beaded at your forehead, as you stared blankly at the computer screen, the water by your side now a painful lukewarm temperature instead of the desired ice cold, but you still drank it in one gulp, as you struggled in the warmth of your little office. You could feel yourself forming a migraine from your lack of fluids, the annoying pain in your head causing your vision to blur. 

Danny’s loud rock music wasn’t making it better. Hard guitar riffs and pounding drums droned around the workshop as he tended to a client’s car, the occasional clanging of his metal tools being rummaged around in his toolbox adding to the harsh noises. You groaned in annoyance, rubbing your throbbing forehead to try and alleviate the pain, before pushing yourself out of your swivel chair, and over to the water fountain to refill your now empty cup.

Standing there idly, you let the cold enough water pour into the cup. The trickling sound acted as a soothing alternative to Danny’s row in the workshop. Glancing at the worn-out clock on the wall for a moment, you sighed, noticing that it was only midday. As much as you appreciated your job, it wasn’t the best. Being known as the “pretty face in the reception” wasn’t the nicest title to have in the male-dominated garage, and it didn’t help that your boss was newly out of a divorce, making him an angry brute that channelled his anger into fixing cars as a living.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” broke you out of your thoughts. You jumped at the intensity of Daniel’s agitated roar, placing the now filled cup on the top of the fountain whilst you watched him with curious eyes. He gritted his teeth in annoyance whilst you admired him from afar in silence, tossing the large wrench he was holding in a tight grip to the side.

It landed on the cold floor with a deafening bang, followed by Daniel charging around the car like a raging bull in a bullfight. However, in those moments, you weren’t scared of his grumpy facial expressions or tense muscles, you were completely in awe of him. Baggy overalls tied around his soft tummy ever so more snugly, his slightly tighter white vest ruined by the numerous oil smears and smudges rode up his stomach, the sight intoxicating. Panting, his cheeks flushed from the manual labour as you watched the sweat form on his wet forehead, before a dirty hand came to wipe the grime away, but only smearing more mess onto his skin in the process.

You could tell he was hot and bothered, and my God was the moment dreamy. Most people would cower with fear, but here you were completely enamoured by his aggressive and pent-up demeanour. His stress was palpable, even more than it usually was. It was common for him to feel more agitated during these months, more clients demanded MOTs and services as the Summer Holidays approached with haste. You’d observed him grunting and grumbling his dislikes for the period whenever he barked orders at you to complete more paperwork for him, or ordering specific parts from manufacturers for people’s cars.

In a way, you sympathised with him. You understood he had a lot on his plate, his coping mechanisms highlighted that. During the summer, he’d smoke more, which did make you concerned for his health. To which he’d reply with a bark, telling you to “keep out of his business and to stop trying to be his goddamn wife”, obviously your innocent care hitting a nerve too close to home for the mechanic.

You could see the way his vest was now clinging to his stomach, sweat visible down his burly arms and the top of his hairy chest as his muscles slightly flexed whenever he used a tool on the engine of his current project. You could sense his distaste for the heat and the effect it was having on his comfort of his clothes from the safety of the office whilst you continued to ogle at him through the window, thighs slowly rubbing together to cause some friction to aid the pooling heat of your insides.

What didn't help was the fact that he'd just discarded his vest with an unamused grunt. He tossed the clothing to the side, his hairy chest and soft stomach now happily presenting itself. You watched his happy trail slowly creep up from his clothed bottoms, his boxers showing ever so slightly over his waistband as he slipped his belt off with ease to alleviate some more of his growing discomfort, and felt your cheeks burn with the desire to trace your fingertips across the messy trail slowly up his softer belly.

“Stupid fuckin’ summer,” he muttered profanities with annoyance. Your eyes now glued onto him as he lay on the workshop floor, which he'd swiftly moved his position to as you daydreamt, inspecting the car from below. “Everyone’s got the same fuckin’ demands, same problems,” Danny continued to grumble whilst agitated, holding his torch with a death grip, jaw tensely locked into place in annoyance.

You stood there stunned like a deer in headlights. His unkempt beauty was intoxicating, each hairy feature of his plush belly spilling out of his trousers suffocating waistband pulling you in like a magnetic force you couldn't resist even with your own might.

So sucked into your own thoughts, you didn't even realise the death stare he'd given you as he realised you were staring at him from inside. He snorted angrily, nostrils flaring before he roared.

“Oi! What do you think you're gawkin’ at, huh?” He barked from the workshop. The intensity of his loud voice made you jump out of your daze, followed by the realisation that he was storming towards you with annoyance. “I thought I told you to do some of the books, princess,” he gruffly spoke as he finally made his way to you inside the office, standing menacingly in front of you, “I don't think I mentioned idling around the water fountain as something you were supposed to do today.”

Your mouth was agape as his chunky form loomed over you, his large figure swallowing your small one whole. You gulped nervously, anxiety twisting in your stomach, mingling with the adrenaline shooting through your veins as your eyes averted his own gaze.

“I-I'm sorry, boss, I was just getting a drink!” You exclaimed in panic, cheeks flushing incredibly hot in embarrassment of being caught ogling.

“Gettin’ a drink doesn't involve starin’, missy,” Danny snorted, a smirk forming on his lips at your bashful state. “Especially not starin’ at your boss whilst he's working, don'tcha think?” He quizzed, his eyebrow raising with humour, tinged with slight teasing.

“No, Danny. It doesn't,” you replied bashfully, your voice barely a whisper as you tried to overcome the embarrassment you were feeling.

He snorted with amusement in response, pushing his bare chest against your front, the softness of his tummy pressing ever so slightly on you driving you wild. “You're lucky that you have such a pretty face so I can let you off easily, doll,” he hummed, a calloused hand coming to cup your burning cheek.

“Otherwise, you'd be in big trouble,” he warned lowly, thumb rubbing across the apple of your cheek, the intimacy like electricity. “God, you're going to be the death of me one day, princess.”

Chuckling nervously in response, his words made you shiver on the spot, the feeling overwhelming. “I'm sorry, D-Danny,” you apologised meekly, your lips forming a sad frown. “I won't stare again, I promise.”

“I know you won't,” Danny cooed, his lips now hovering over your own as his large nose nuzzled closer to your nose. “Come to my office later,” his words fanned hotly over your lip, “I'll give you somethin’ to stare at then, sweetheart.”

Danny's lips then stole a kiss from you, leaving you breathless as he abruptly pulled away, patting your cheek with his hand as it slipped away from your face.

“I hope to see you later, princess,” he said with a smug smile, “I'd hate for you to lose your job over not following a small demand.” He finished, turning on his heel towards the exit of the office before giving you a knowing wink, then leaving you alone dumbfounded and flustered at the water fountain.

like divorced mechanic!danny? fancy sending me an ask in my inbox so you can be included in my notebook! - notti <3

[reccyls]

Victor's Main Route: Chapter 13 + His POV Story

< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >

Surprisingly, I felt better after spending all of last night crying. When I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning, I looked so terrible I started laughing. I rang the bell to call for a maid, and asked her to bring me a hot towel. But my face was apparently so awful that she gave me a massage in addition to the hot towel, to try and make me feel better. Thanks to that, my eyes were no longer swollen when I sat down in front of the mirror again.

(I wish crying too much could make all of my feelings disappear, though.)

My heart was still a mess.

Perhaps due to how I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t have room to actually think deeply about things.

(I’m hungry… I guess I’ll think things through over breakfast.)

…

Liam: Oh, good morning, Kate!

Kate: Good morning, Liam.

When I arrived at the dining hall, Liam, as well as Harrison and Roger, were already there. As I sat in an empty chair, Liam spoke again.

Liam: Victor was here too, but he actually just left.

Kate: Oh, really?

Liam: Yeah. You guys must have just barely missed each other.

That made me a little bit relieved, and I helped myself to breakfast.

(Still, that doesn't mean I can slack off. After I eat, I’ll go to the office.)

…

Elbert: …Kate.

Kate: Oh, hello, Lord Elbert. I didn’t expect to run into you in the palace.

As I was walking towards Victor’s office, I noticed Elbert coming from the opposite direction and came to a stop.

Victor: Victor… told me that I hadn’t sent him the invoice for a painting I bought recently…

Elbert: …Are you going to help him with his work now?

Kate: I was planning to, yes.

Elbert tilted his head to the side.

Elbert: …Victor said he had something to do today… so the two of us left his office together after that. Elbert: He’s probably… somewhere… in the palace right now.

Kate: Oh… Thanks for letting me know.

Another chance to meet Victor was gone. I couldn’t help the slight feeling of relief, again.

(I guess I can take a nap until it’s time for the mission…)

…

Ellis: Ah, Kate.

Kate: Hi, Ellis. Did you just come back?

Ellis: Mmhm. Is your mission also finished?

Kate: Yes. Good work today, Ellis.

As I was climbing up the stairs after the end of my mission, I ran into Ellis. Ellis cocked his head to the side.

Kate: What’s the matter?

Ellis: I thought I saw Victor heading this way earlier, but he isn’t here. Ellis: He would’ve been right about here, I think.

Kate: …Huh.

Ellis: It’s late, so I’ll walk you to your room.

…

The chirping of birds drifted to my ears as I stared blankly at the ceiling of my bedroom. That’s when I came to a realization.

(Is he…)

Kate: …avoiding me?

-----

I couldn’t find Victor. I hadn’t seen him at all since yesterday, and during the usual time when I went to see him, he seemed to have vanished entirely.

(This is–)

Harrison: Why is Victor avoiding you?

Kate: That’s what I want to know…

(It sounds worse when you say it aloud like that.)

My shoulders slumped and Harrison sighed.

Harrison: This is the first time I’ve seen Victor try to avoid someone.

Kate: Really?

Harrison: I’m actually jealous that he’s going out of his way to avoid you. He’s such a pain.

For someone like Harrison, who really disliked interacting with Victor, My current situation must have seemed like a dream come true.

(But this is more like a nightmare than a dream for me…)

I admit that I had been relieved at first. But the longer I went without seeing Victor, the sadder I became. I just wanted to see the person I loved again.

(I guess I am worried that he won’t look at me with the same kindness ever again, if I do manage to find him.)

Now that I knew his secrets, I doubted we’d be able to return to how we were previously.

(Can I even return to my old life knowing what I know?)

I was a bit anxious about what would happen from now on. However…

(I want to see Victor again more than I care about that.)

The longer I went without seeing him, the more I missed him.

Harrison: So, what did you do?

I think I made him hate me. (+4/+4)

It was an accident.

…Not telling.

Kate: I think I made him hate me…

Harrison: Is there even anything that would make the geezer hate anyone? Harrison: Seriously, tell me. I want to know.

Seeing how down I was, Harrison crossed his arms.

Harrison: Well whatever it was, you didn’t do it on purpose. Harrison: He’s just using it as an excuse to avoid you.

Kate: I guess so.

He leaned against a pillar and glanced towards me.

Harrison: Then that means you need to tell him exactly what you're thinking.

Kate: What I'm thinking...

(...If he thought that I would reveal his identity, then I’m pretty sure he would have done something about it already.)

He could have made me sign a contract, or even killed me, to prevent that secret from ever coming out. But he hasn’t done anything of the sort, or even put any restrictions on my actions. He’s just making sure we don’t meet.

(What is he thinking right now…?)

Before I could meet him, I needed to know what was going through his mind. But even if I knew, would I even be able to find him?

(He would know every single hiding spot in both Crown’s castle and the palace.)

As I slumped in defeat, Harrison began to speak again.

Harrison: Will told me once that Victor has a lot of work, so he stays at the palace until late at night. Harrison: So there’s a chance you’d run into him if you wandered around the palace during the night.

Kate: Harrison…

Though he still looked reluctant, he offered his advice. My eyes were shining with gratitude as I looked at him.

Harrison: I can’t believe you actually want to meet him, weirdo.

-----

Kate: Right.

After night fell, I marched over to the palace to find Victor.

(I got so cold while I was walking from the castle to the palace.)

Crown’s castle was built on a lake, so to reach the palace I had to cross a bridge and make my way through the woods. The only people who used that route were Crown members and related people, so it was usually deserted. The forest canopy was very dense so it was always dark inside even during the day. And tonight the moon was covered by clouds, making the whole thing even spookier. It made me walk faster than normal to finally reach the palace.

(Time to look for Victor.)

After psyching myself up, I started making my way towards his office. However…

???: Good evening. It’s a lovely night, isn’t it?

Kate: Aaah!

I let out a scream of shock when someone suddenly spoke to me from behind. Whirling around, I spotted Darius standing there.

Darius: Hehe. You have a very funny startle reflex.

Kate: I’m sorry for yelling.

Clad in white with hair and eyes the color of honey, Darius looked like an angel. Even the way he laughed with his hand over his mouth radiated beauty.

Darius: What are you doing out alone this late?

Kate: I’m looking for Victor. Have you seen him?

Darius: I haven’t, no. Did you need something from him?

Kate: Not really, I just have something I want to talk with him about.

Darius: Hmm…

He seemed disinterested. I didn’t want to take up any more of his time, so I bowed my head.

Kate: Sorry for bothering you. I’ll get going now.

As I turned and was about to start walking–

Darius: By the way, I heard that the queen was attacked quite recently. Is she alright?

Kate: You…

I spun around again at his words. Darius continued smiling pleasantly, as always.

(Why does he know that?)

Even Crown hadn’t been told that there was an assassination attempt on the queen.

(William probably noticed that something had happened, but it didn’t look like that information reached any of the others.)

Victor made the choice not to inform them.

(So why does Darius know?)

Darius kept speaking, his expression unchanging.

Darius: Just like rumors, things that people want to keep quiet about end up reaching people’s ears one way or another. Darius: It just so happened to be my ears, this time.

And then he said this:

Darius: Do you think the queen even exists?

Kate: What?

It took me some time to process what he said.

Darius: I just have some suspicions as to whether she’s real or not.

Kate: …Why?

Holding his hands behind his back, Darius began to walk while inspecting the flowers in the palace garden. He looked like he was just taking a pleasant stroll.

Darius: Don’t you think it’s strange, too? Darius: She always wears a veil that covers her face, and because of the different heels she wears, her height is difficult to judge. Darius: You could count the number of times she’s spoken aloud on one hand.

But the air around him was unsettling.

Darius: When we went to greet her upon our arrival here, she was seated far away and hidden behind a curtain. Darius: I think she said something to us but I couldn’t even hear it.

My body reacted without my conscious thought. Wary and on high alert, I tried to take a step back. It didn’t escape Darius’s notice.

Darius: How well does that aide know her?

In an instant, Darius crossed the distance between us, his gaze never leaving mine. Though his mouth was smiling, his eyes were not.

Darius: So? Darius: What do you think?

It may have been the first time that a whisper in my ears made my blood run cold.

(The moment he smells blood, he’ll pounce.)

My reactions and words here could lead him closer to Victor’s secret if I wasn’t careful. Darius was waiting for the slightest crack to appear. It was only a few seconds, But it felt like eternity. Darius’s white-gloved hand reached up towards my face. And just as his grip was about to close in on me–

Victor: What are you doing?

I was surrounded by the scent of night. I found myself in Victor’s arms. His low voice came from above my head, his large hands caught my shoulders, his long black hair drifted around me, like his scent. As I took everything in, I felt myself relax.

Darius: Good evening. It’s a lovely night, isn’t it?

Victor: …Good evening. What were you doing?

Darius: Don’t make such a scary face. We were just speaking, that’s all.

Because I was wrapped in Victor’s coat, I couldn’t see their faces.

Victor: It’s bad manners to put your hand on a lady’s face.

Darius: Did you think I was going to grab her face? I would never.

Though the atmosphere was tense, Darius shrugged his shoulders.

Darius: I would have liked to speak more, but that’s enough for tonight. Darius: Until next time, miss Fairytale Keeper.

We stood there for some time, watching as Darius turned around and walked away. Saying nothing, Victor stepped away from me and took me by the arm. And he began walking into the palace.

…

Victor: Are you alright?

When we finally stopped, he looked at me with a worried expression. However…

Kate: …Why are you avoiding me?

What left my lips wasn’t gratitude. It wasn’t how much I wanted to see him, or thanks for rescuing me just then, or even telling him I felt relieved. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, but what left my mouth was only my unhappiness.

Kate: Is it because you think I’m going to tell someone about your secret?

Victor: Not at all. I trust you.

Kate: So why–

Victor: …

Silence settled in the hallways.

Kate: …William told me about your past.

Victor: …I see.

(He’s not even upset that I learned about it without his consent.)

Even now, Victor said nothing.

Kate: Aren’t you going to say anything?

If I could do something for him, give something back even if just a little, that would be enough.

(He doesn’t want anything from me.)

He protected me, kept me far away from anything dangerous. But then he also refused to let me anywhere near the things that mattered, and put up walls between us. He had given up everything.

Kate: If you trusted me, I wanted you to tell me yourself. And if you can’t, then I don’t want you to treat me so kindly.

If he’d just pushed me away at the beginning, then this wouldn’t have happened. My thoughts were a mess. Afraid that I would take it out on him even more, I turned around. I wanted to believe in him but I couldn’t. I wanted to meet him but I couldn’t look him in the eye. If these feelings stemmed from love, then I wish–

Kate: If we had never met…

Just then, I was grabbed from behind, and pressed against the wall. I tried to look up, but–

Victor: Then let’s do as you say.

In the periphery of my vision, I could see his hair illuminated by the moonlight.

Victor: I won’t treat you kindly anymore.

Kate: Wha- Nn.

Suddenly, his finger entered my mouth, pressing down on my tongue so I couldn’t speak.

Victor: I’ll keep you from speaking like this.

Kate: Mmf-

The finger on my tongue began exploring the inside of my mouth. The sensation sent tremors through my spine, and I couldn’t stop the sounds that tried to escape my mouth.

Victor: I can give you pleasure, and then push you away.

Kate: S-sto–

I shivered as his finger continued to ravage my mouth. Saliva spilled out over the corner of my lips.

Victor: “If you trusted me, I wanted you to tell me yourself. And if you can’t, then I don’t want you to treat me so kindly.” Victor: As you wish, no more kindness.

As pleasure and distress mixed in my heart, I desperately craned my head back to catch Victor’s gaze.

(Ah…)

His eyes were so, so cold. I twisted my body to escape his finger.

Kate: Stop!!

Victor stepped away immediately.

Victor: …Would you prefer if we had never met?

His smile was pained as he spoke.

Kate: I’m sorry, I… I didn’t…

I didn’t mean it. Unable to bear how hurt he looked, I turned and fled.

Victor: …

As I ran, I caught sight of the moon in the sky, just beginning to wane. Through blurry eyes, its distorted light illuminated the world.

His POV Story: Hurting and Being Hurt

Victor: Ah…

I was avoiding Kate.

(This is all my fault.)

The last time I saw Kate was when I brought her back to her room after she fainted in the audience chamber. Since then, though we had previously met every day, I was now avoiding her.

(This is my second slip-up.)

Though it was just a coincidence that she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, I was the one who created the circumstances for that coincidence to arise.

(When I learned that there was a group plotting to assassinate the queen, I had originally planned on capturing them for interrogation.)

However, the moment I realized that Kate was standing on the other side of the door, I couldn’t help myself. I ordered them, under the king’s name, to take their own lives.

(If I didn’t kill them, Kate could have been in danger.) (You would have thrown yourself in harm’s way if it would save the queen.)

It must have been a spur of the moment decision. But the instant I noticed her starting to move, I knew that she would have tried to put herself between me and the gunmen. So I changed my plans. And now here we were.

Victor: Of course what I wanted to keep hidden had to be revealed to you, of all people. Victor: The queen’s aide would be shocked to hear that.

When it came to Kate, nothing I did ever seemed to turn out right. Standing in the hallway in front of my office, I ruminated over my failures again, when–

Victor: That’s…

Beyond the window, I could see a familiar figure standing with the leader of Vogel.

(Why is she here at this hour?)

For a moment, I was lost. But then I realized–

(Is she here looking for me?)

I’d been avoiding her for a while, and yet she had still come all this way just to find me. I should have known she would; I knew she highly valued facing others head-on.

(But anyway…)

Darius had a smile on his face as he spoke to Kate, but there was something unsettling about him.

Victor: !

His gaze met mine from beyond the window, and his smile deepened.

(Kate is in danger.)

As alarm bells rang in my head, I ran to her as fast as I could.

…

Kate’s body had been shaking as I held her. That devil in white had said it was a pity he had to leave, but he didn’t sound sincere about it. He smiled as he walked away, and I stared at his retreating back until he had fully vanished from view. I still had no idea what Vogel’s true aims were. I couldn’t let down my guard around them.

(Even though I don’t know what they’re here for…)

It was obvious from the beginning that their goal of building relations was a cover for what they truly wanted to do.

(...If they harm Kate, I’ll show them no mercy.)

As I pulled her away, I noticed that she was starting to resist, so I stopped.

(Kate takes priority right now.)

Victor: Are you alright?

I kept my voice as gentle as possible as I looked her over.

Kate: …Why are you avoiding me?

The expression on her face was terribly sad.

(...Ah. I see.)

I had thought that devil had scared Kate. But I was the source of her distress.

(I really am the worst.)

Because I couldn’t help but feel pleased.

Kate: Is it because you think I’m going to tell someone about your secret?

Victor: Not at all. I trust you.

Kate: So why–

Victor: …

I wasn’t lying.

(I trust you.) (More than anyone else, I trust you.)

Kate bit her lip and looked down, admitting that she had learned about my past from William. I said nothing to that. She had a right to know. But that only seemed to deepen her distress.

Kate: If you trusted me, I wanted you to tell me yourself. And if you can’t, then I don’t want you to treat me so kindly. Kate: If we had never met…

My hands moved almost as if they had a will of their own. Before she could finish that sentence, I pushed her against the wall. I think those words broke something in me.

Victor: Then let’s do as you say. Victor: I won’t treat you kindly anymore.

Kate: Wha- Nn.

I pushed her finger into her mouth and pressed down on her tongue so she couldn’t speak.

Victor: I’ll keep you from speaking like this.

Kate: Mmf-

Victor: I can give you pleasure, and then push you away.

Kate: S-sto–

As I swept my finger around her mouth, a trail of saliva trickled out of the corner of her lips.

Victor: “If you trusted me, I wanted you to tell me yourself. And if you can’t, then I don’t want you to treat me so kindly.” Victor: As you wish, no more kindness.

She looked up at me, then jolted and pulled away from my finger.

Kate: Stop!!

Her voice startled me. The next words that left my mouth were terribly, terribly faint.

Victor: …Would you prefer if we had never met?

I wanted to say it with my usual smile. But when she looked back at me again, the expression on her face was that of someone who couldn’t believe the words that had come out of her own mouth.

Kate: I’m sorry, I… I didn’t…

With tears in her eyes, she turned and ran away. I kept my eyes on her shrinking back, unable to look away. And at last when she had vanished from view, I leaned back against the wall.

(All I do is make you sad.)

I treasured her, and wanted to give her as much freedom as possible. But the more time we spent together, the more hurt and confused I made her. Despite the fact that I decided not to ask anything of her, and be satisfied with the peaceful days that passed.

Victor: …I have never once wished that we had never met.

Because, all this time… The next words that left my mouth were swept away by the wind, and vanished.

[chicago-geniza]

Last time I had to submit an invoice I had the invisible wall and it was insurmountable and someone had to do it for me and it was mortifying and set a really awful interpersonal precedent and this time I just Did It. Not only did I submit the invoice but I submitted it on time, which is practically unheard of. For me and my personal cognition this is the value of antidepressants

[eldritchnebula]

ELDRITCHNEBULA COMMISSIONS!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**

I have been wanting to do commissions for a very VERY long time, and today is finally the day I do it! I am currently in between jobs (and we all unfortunately know how god awful the job market is right now). Commissioning me will help a lot and I will appreciate every penny.

vv ALT TEXT BELOW CUT vv

THE BASICS

Colored Sketch (Bust - $20 USD | Halfbody - $25 USD | Full Body - $30 USD) Refined Lineart (Bust - $40 USD | Halfbody - $45 USD | Full Body $50 USD) Full Render (Bust - $75 USD | Halfbody - $85 USD | Full Body: $100 USD) Additional Characters: +$15 USD (Max. 3) Simplistic Backgrounds: +$20 USD Detailed Backgrounds: +$50 USD Dynamic Lighting: +$50 USD

TERMS AND CONDITIONS Will do:

Light/Implied NSFW

Light Gore

Simplistic Animals

OCs/ Fanart

Suggestive Themes

Humanoids (Tails, wings, ears, horns, etc)

Won't Do:

Heavy NSFW/Gore

Complex Animals

Anthro/Mecha (Lack of experience!)

Complex Perspective

IRL Shipping

Hate Art

Please DM me on Tumblr (This blog) , Discord (EldritchNebula), or BlueSky (eldritch-nebula.bsky.social) to begin the commission process. Please supply me a general idea of the pose you'd like, a character reference, and a color palette!

ALL PAYMENT IS UP FRONT. We will discuss payment before moving on with the commission. All payments will be done through paypal (I will send you an invoice privately). No refunds unless I have to cancel for whatever reason.

I will work with you throughout the entire commission process to insure you are getting what you paid for.

For PERSONAL USE ONLY. Using for commercial purposes is strictly prohibited

Please allow me as much time as I need to complete a commission. I will take my time to assure quality is the best it can be.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT USE MY ART FOR AI TRAINING/SCRAPING AND NFTs

BONUS! Minecraft Skins ($5 USD/ ea) (JAVA EDITION ONLY) Details:

Please give me a character reference and specify if you want 4px wide arms (Steve) or 3px wide arms (Alex)

All payments will be done through Paypal the same way regular commissions are done

Please allow me as much time as I need to complete this

Do not use commercially. Personal use only.

[bonsiii-art]

Aw man, commissions are full already? I'd have to wait until the first of April cuz that's when I get paid ;w;

I have no idea how commissions work qwq

My apologies, I really didn't think the slots would be taken that fast but, in a way, it makes sense since I'm taking a smaller queue size than last time. However, always use your money to take care of yourself first! >:P How my commissions work is that people fill out my google form which will ask them a bunch of questions like would you like flat colors or shaded, one or two characters, any details to keep in mind? That stuff! And ofc, where to contact you, your PayPal email (since I only take PayPal), and if I gotta keep the comm anonymous! After answering those questions, people will send in their submission for me to look over. If everything looks good, I go talk to them and give 'em the invoice to pay. Once it's paid, then I go to work! That's the general gist of the process :P

[allcodeaws]

AWS DevOps Professional | AllCode

Enhance your cloud infrastructure management with AWS DevOps Professional. Master the skills needed for continuous integration and continuous delivery (CI/CD), automation, and monitoring on AWS. Achieve operational excellence and streamline your DevOps processes with expert knowledge and industry best practices. Elevate your career and drive business success with the AWS DevOps Professional certification.

[fazcinatingblog]

For a small business though, losing a client that brings in about $40k per year.... Pray for Sophia

[slippinninque]

💧🕸️Bad Day 🕸️💧

(You had one of those days, but you don't end it alone)

A/n: some sweet Fontaine for all the peeps having a bad day!

content: fluff, sad!reader, soft!Fontaine, cursing, bit of a long fic

You slammed the door and locked it, your keys jangling noisily. You didn't hear what Fontaine said before striding into the bathroom and slamming the door behid you.

You had to cry and you had to pee.

One ended up being much faster than the other. The edge of the tub wasn't that comfortable but your tears didn't stop.

You removed your badge and toed off your heels, they were your most comfortable pair but your feet still ached.

Behind your burning lids was the shape of your desk and its mountains of files. Records, invoices, spreadsheets--you couldn't turn it off. You could still feel the keyboard beneath your fingertips as you gripped the edge of the tub.

For some fucked up reason, you swore you still felt someone looming over you and watching you fall apart. You wiped at your face, tugged at your clothes, rubbed your palms along the sink's counter. You tried to breathe but it turned to more ugly sniffles and exhales, the noises clunking around between the tile and ceramic.

"You good?"

Fontaine's voice was a rock thrown through your conscious, bringing you back to your sorry present.

You cleared your throat and stood at attention, facing the mirror on instinct. You looked like shit, "I'm alright! It's-It's bad, don't you come in here!"

Not a lie, but it still felt stupid to say out loud.

You were grown. You shouldn't allow work to effect you like it was, sobbing in your bathroom like you were back in high school. What would he think?

Fontaine was already so good to you, he would worry if he saw you upset.

"I haven't had my kiss yet, y'know..." His voice was nearer to door, low and beckoning. Your eyes welled. His arms was where you wanted to be but you couldn't make yourself move.

Your sniffle tore through the silence--making you wince.

"Mm. You havin' a bad day, baby?

Horrifyingly, you felt your tips tremble as you lied,

"Nah, my day was fine. It was okay. I walked into a, uh, spiderweb on my way in, just now. Got in my eye...s. Got into my eyes."

"Mn. Need me to go away while you handle...that?"

"You can stay....if you want..." You hung your head, "Might take a while..."

"I want to. You gonna the door a little? Jus' so I can see?"

You glared at your puffy faced reflection, "I'm ugly right now."

Fontaine chuckled, "Nah, I ain't goin' for that. You just feelin' that way right now."

The jig was up but the misery wasn't leaving. The more you listened to Fontaine's calming timber, the more you wanted to be in his arms but you couldn't face him. The door creaked as Fontaine leaned against it from the other side.

While you decided that you didn't want to be seen, you still wanted to feel him. The stupid mistakes you made during the day surrounded every thought, making you doubt every move you thought of making.

Frustrated, you put your face into your hands, rubbing vigriously.

He made a sympathetic noise as if hearing the noise in your head.

"The spiderweb was that bad?"

"....It was awful."

"Fuck them spiders, tell me what happened."

The words burst forth and you couldn't stop them. Not for how you were hounded as soon as you clocked in at work. Or when you were questioned about responsibilities that weren't yours, chastised for 'not doing your part ' when you were so busy doing all the other parts.

The sob that burst out of you when you recalled how two supervisors treated you so tersely, how humiliated you felt on the way back to your desk with all eyes on you.

"I know how to do my job, I do. I make-make mistakes, yeah, but not all the time! I can fix them, I do fix them. I just...get knocked off my square and it's hard to square back up."

You were spiraling, the thoughts were faster than the words--you weren't sure if everything was matching up. You felt like you were failing, you felt like you were falling--

You cracked the door and spilled into his arms. Fontaine softened your launch at him by taking you both down the wall and onto the floor. You squirmed into his lap as you cried and after a while, he told you to breathe.

The first was shaking but the next one was a bit better. You both waited until didn't feel as if you were crawling out of your skin. Finally able to be still, sagging with a pitiful sigh.

"There we go." Fontaine pressed his lips to your hair before resting his cheek on the top of your head, "Got all them webs off?"

There wasn't much in the huff you let out but something unlocked in your chest. You still felt weepy, but the sharpness of your misery was worn away now that you talked about it.

" 'M sorry for how I came in, " You sniffled, "I should have at least spoke to you."

"That ain't shit. I was more so worried with what I was hearin' comin' from the bathroom," you felt Fontaine shift back to speak down to you, "You think I ain't never walked through a spiderweb?"

You shook your head as you breathed in his warm-soap scent.

"Not the same. You're too cool for spiderwebs."

"Shieet. Them shits get everywhere, get on everybody. Most of them stick good 'nough to follow you around for a while."

His words made you detach from his chest but you couldn't meet his eye. Fontaine's finger stroked down your cheek as he continued

"No, I don't like seein' you upset but I ain't gonna think less of you. You bringin' spiderwebs in? Let me know. I'll help pull 'em off you."

How lucky were you? This man was going along with a silly little metaphor for a shitty day and sitting on the floor as he wiped your face. How lucky were you?

You turned in his arms and wrapped your arms around him as best you could. Work didn't matter. Not while you were here, where you belonged.

Fontaine pressed more kisses to where he could reach.

"...Thank you."

"Aint' gotta be thanking me, baby. You're good. You had a bad day, did what you had to do, and came home to me. That's all I want."

Fontaine easily rearranged you to be lifted as he stood. Hanging on, you finally began returning the kisses that you were given. Fontaine made a show of standing still and reveling in your attention.

"That's it," he praised, "Now, tell me where you at."

"At home."

"Who you wit?"

"My man."

"That's right. You wanna know what your man wants now?"

You smiled for the first time all day, and nodded.

He set towards the kitchen, "For you to eat this good food he made and to lay your pretty ass on him in bed. I even got your dippin' sauce, see? I ain't even forget it this time."

Nodding as you closed your eyes, your heart aches turning into a hum at the promise of more love.

"Yeah, I see it."

--------------------

end notes: ah, just a little something that wouldn't leave my head! fluff stuff takes up so much room in the brain lol! tell me how you liked it! thank you so much for reading!! 💕

✨taglist✨: @megamindsecretlair @thadelightfulone @mag1calenchantr3ss @cocoeffects @wide-nose-and-wonderful @8ttached @thadelightfulone @hobiesmain @thickeeparker @longpause-awkwardsmile @ms-angiealsina @educatorsareslutstoo @mysterychick93@mcondance@sageispunk@kindofaintrovert@hunnishive@notapradagurl7@blowmymbackout@educatorsareslutstoo@blackerthings@miyuhpapayuh@westside-rot

(please let me know if you want to be added to the list! I'm sorry if i missed anyone i love you all so much lol! 💕✨💜)

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks for the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Five

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 17.1k

Release date: June 26, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn, coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: A miscommunication has you bitter about your relationship with Seokjin. Will meeting one of his friends be enough to change you mind?

Chapter Warnings: swearing, miscommunication, Mingyu + Jungkook bff, Jungkook rides a motorcycle (that is a WARNING), masturbation (f+m), sex toys, pornography, alcohol, y/n is a messy drunk, a lil jealousy, SPOILER WARNINGS: oral (f,m), strength kink, spanking, slight brat behaviors, pet names, bigdick!Seokjin, slight exhibition kink, dirty talk, slight praise kink, unprotected sex, insecurity, traffic light system, consent, they're so stupidly down bad for each other, a little crying during sex moment, creampie

a/n: hello! finally, the moment we've all been waiting for! I appreciate your patience with this. I originally planned on a much shorter chapter, but I wanted to give our couple some time to really dig into their feelings for their first time, especially since they have so much at stake with each other. Just a reminder I'll be taking a short hiatus from TFTS to work on other creative projects, so I hope you treasure this chapter! -h

Seokjin fucked up. Right now, with everything so delicate, he should have known not to dive back into streaming. Not because of the awful energy last night, but because of his stupidity. When he stripped last night, he’d left his phone in his pants pocket. And in further stupidity, that pair of pants went through the wash this morning when he realized he had nothing clean to wear for work. 

He’d cradled the dead phone in his hands like it would have mercy on him and turn on. But it was too far gone. It hadn’t just been washed; it also went through the spin cycle. The screen was shattered, bits of glass echoing in the drum amongst a heavy thunk being the only thing that made him realize what he’d done. 

He didn’t have time to go get a replacement. Not with it being installation day for the new dishwasher in the restaurant. His phone would have to wait. He could wait. So long as he could get in contact with the delivery people on the phone in the manager’s office, he’d be fine. 

So he went in early, taking care of the next set of problems, one after another after another. The delivery people were late after taking the wrong turn, which meant the kitchen staff was handwashing all the dishes. That, plus the nice weather of spring seemed to have drawn more people in than usual. The restaurant was so busy, he barely saw you from open to when your shift ended. Whatever time that was. 

By the end of the day, as one of the part timers loaded the new dishwasher and peeled the protective film off the stainless steel front, everything seemed like it was finally in order. His father somehow found a fax machine on that cruise ship, which was boggling. Who was still sending faxes, much less on a cruise ship? And there was still a fax number associated with this place? 

Regardless, the contract work was finally settled and scheduled. No more stacking of appointments or missing payroll. He had gotten them back up on the cloud, and contacted the accounting service who luckily had stored everything from invoices to direct deposit information. Once he plugged everything back in, Seokjin realized things would be alright. 

He wanted to celebrate. Wanted to kick back with a beer and unwind from how stressful all this was. If he could make this transition smoother for his parents when they returned, leaving them with a much more efficient system and updated restaurant, he thought he could leave it behind a little easier and return to how things were before. 

A tightness squeezed his chest. What before would he be trying to return to? 

Would he go back to streaming more often? Is that how he wanted to keep paying his bills? In the time he’d been off, he’d felt like he was finally healing, finally good at something. Whether it was cooking or managing the restaurant’s problems, he had to give it to himself: he was a fair negotiator and probably not the worst manager that there ever was. 

Because he cared. When he worked in corporate, there were so many faceless names that he always delivered bad news to. No stories to anchor them to bodies. Just emails and phone calls. That doesn’t create much of a person to care about. 

But now, he knew each story, from one of his parents and why they decided to start a restaurant to the regular customers who always ordered the same thing to his employees. Every person was a person, and that made Seokjin care so much more than he’d ever thought he could. 

The idea of leaving that behind wrenched something in his chest. Did his parents know that the elderly white lady who came in and ordered mul naengmyeon even in the middle of winter did so because it was easier on her gums? Or that Mr. Lee was closing his vacuum repair shop because no one thought to repair vacuums anymore? The more Seokjin thought of all those familiar faces, the more he began to feel panicked. What would he do? Where would he go? 

What about you? Barely into the first year of your graduate program and already you had to take a break. Did your parents know this? 

Seokjin didn’t know much about this part of you, to be honest. He never wanted to push, though he noticed how you would talk around them and lead the conversation away from your family whenever you got the chance. Your parents were both still alive and married, he knew this. He knew you were an only child, that Wonwoo and you were childhood friends. 

But, did you have other friends? Now that he thought about it, he didn’t remember you ever mentioning anyone else that you spent time with. You weren’t from here, and that must have really tampered with the friendships you had back home. 

God, how had he been so clueless to not notice before? If you weren’t working or at school, you were streaming. You really didn’t take much time off from anything. And that was really sad. 

Especially because you were so great. You had the type of personality that his friends would love. He could see you and Namjoon talking about books. You had so many in that apartment, and while many of them were clearly romance novels, you had the classics too. 

You’d met Taehyung a few times when he came to mooch off of Seokjin for a free meal, and his puppy dog pout and awful jokes still drew laughter out of you. 

Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin. They’d like that you always put Seokjin in his place, never afraid to make fun of him or challenge him. 

And Yoongi. Yoongi would probably adore you the most. How gentle you were with others, yet protective of what you loved. How you were fighting to be the best version of yourself regardless of the challenges you faced. How you were thoughtful and filled the space with words that had a purpose, not just pointless chatter. You remembered the same faces in the restaurant as Seokjin, stepped in to help, to be part of a team. Those were things Yoongi always valued. 

You should meet them, he decided. He’d invite you to hang out with all of them in neutral territory. Let his friends see how great you were. And then you’d have friends here, in a place you could maybe learn to call home. 

Even if Seokjin was gone. 

His brother sent him the posting a few weeks ago. A major restaurant management company was looking for a financial consultant who would help develop new and repair existing restaurants’ financial strategy around the world. He’d sent in his resume without really thinking about it. And in the mess of today, he’d seen he received an email requesting an interview. 

Maybe Seokjin would leave Worldwide Handsome to go worldwide himself. He didn’t hate the idea. An excuse to leave streaming fully behind would be a nice end to things. 

What he hated, though, is that your time together was limited, and that job, if he was offered and took it, would shorten the window further. 

Once you started up with classes again, it would only be a matter of time. Summer would come. His parents would return. You’d drift apart further. 

Which is why he needed you to meet his friends. Needed to know that there was something he could do for you. 

He looked at the faded clock on the wall of the office. It was too late to go to the store and get a new phone. Hopefully no one had anything urgent to speak to him about. For the meantime, he knew his parents were resting on their cruise ship off Thailand? Italy? He couldn’t remember. His brother and sister-in-law and nephew were probably asleep now even though the sun still had left some lasting streaks of pink and purple in the sky. 

You were…well he didn’t quite know. Probably at home with your nose stuffed into a book. He could live with that. He could live with everyone being in the places he needed them to be. The world could turn to night once more without him being glued to his phone. 

Seokjin locked the doors of the restaurant. He watched the glow of street lights kick on. He’d get everything into place. Life goes on, right? 

Fuck Kim Seokjin. Fuck him and every stupid fucking man on planet Earth. How can he ghost someone he works with? Does he seriously just want you to quit?

You’d spent the following day waiting for an explanation. Seokjin is a man of many words when necessary. God knows you’ve heard him rant. So what was so goddamn hard about being upfront and honest? He spent all day running around in a frenzy, which you get, but he couldn’t even say hi? He couldn’t even text back with a “sorry I can’t make it”. 

That was two days ago. Your date was Friday. And you’ve gotten nothing in the form of a response. When you came to work today, he wasn’t there. You showed up early this morning to see if he was around so you could finally confront him, and sure enough, nothing.

Now, you’re trashed. All thanks to a “Happy Hour is Every Hour��� A-frame outside of a gastropub near your apartment that makes their drinks strong and cheap and handed out bar nuts and a bottle of water the second you sat down. 

That was four drinks ago. Now, the word has a soft fuzzy glow to it, and if you’re not sitting here pissed off at Seokjin, you’re two seconds from calling him up and confessing how obsessed you are with him. And that also makes you want to cry. 

You’re not sure how long it’s been since you started drinking. What you do know is there’s chicken and beer being shuttled over to your table and the wait staff keep staring at you. 

“Thank you,” you slur as you reach for the piping hot rib meat before your server can even set the plate down. 

“Ah, no be care–”. But it’s already too late. The hot oil touches your fingertips and you jolt, throwing the fried food onto your table as you reach for your water, uncapping it and pouring it onto your hands, and consequently, the tabletop. 

You try to apologize, the words glooping together into some string of nonsense as the gossipy waitstaff veer over to the table, whipping white towels out of their aprons and wiping up your mess. 

“I’m sorry,” you mutter again, but you know they can’t hear you, too busy tutting at you and pointing at the steam rising from your food. They don’t say it, but you can understand the tone: you should know better. 

You’ve now caught the attention of just about every other after-work Happy Hour goer, all flushed from the alcohol but more composed than you probably appear (and are). 

You resolve to try pulling yourself together, guzzling down the remainder of your water and taking occasional sips of beer between bites of juicy chicken. Though, how much worse can having a big fat crush on your boss–who is also a gay camboy yet straight– be? Surely the people who run this place have seen worse. 

Shit, you’ve seen worse and Seokjin’s family restaurant isn’t even a major hub for after work drunkards! One time a woman in six inch stripper heels and a Tina Turner wig came in asking you if you’d found a loose pig. You stood there speechless as she called for him. And what’s stranger is that it wasn’t even a pig. It was a man on a leash with the word “P.I.G.” written on his shirt. On the back, the shirt said “Pussy is God”. 

Therefore, overhearing your drunken blubbering is, in your opinion, the least chaotic thing that can happen to these people tonight. 

You pop a pickled radish into your mouth as you take in the crowd around you as they finally turn away and go back to the bubbles they live in. None of these people know what you’ve gone through the last few days. How the sharp sting of rejection paints every decision you make with a shade of insecurity. 

You want to talk to him about it. You want to sit in your apartment with him and cry over how he treated you. You want him to apologize for being an asshole and prove he’s not just like other guys. 

But there’s a sinking fear that he really is this way. That these behaviors are intentional, and you are actually wrong about him. 

And how fucking dare he if that’s intential. What a classless and petty thing to do. Someone should put him in his place. Maybe you should put him in his place. 

With that stroke of genius, you dial his phone, impatiently sighing as you are immediately redirected to the voicemail. The beep instructing you to leave a message pours you a shot of confidence. 

“Hey, it’s me…..Y/N. Listen, you can’t just keep ignoring me. How stupid and cruel of you to just agree to go out with me and then ghost me afterward and at work? Fuck you dude. Seriously, have some fucking class. Honestly, how hard is it to say no? ‘Oh sorry, Y/N I can’t’ is all I needed.” You drop your voice to mimic his. 

“Seriously, we work together. I really thought you would be different about other guys and have some decency to just be honest. And maybe that’s what’s missing here is honesty! So let me just be honest. I know you are a camboy. And at first it was weird yeah but like…I don’t care. Because I liked you. And you liked me right? Well, maybe not. I guess I was wrong. God, alllllll you men are the fucking saaaaaame. And you keep getting away with this shit! But I’m done! I’m so done with it all! You know what? Don’t bother getting back to me. I quit!” 

You hang up, satisfied, and dig into a chicken wing. As you suck the meat from the bone, you see a tattooed hand tap the table. 

“What,” you ask, annoyed. You really don’t have it in you today to deal with some douche bag hitting on you. When you look up, you see a guy in a black baggy T-shirt and jeans. His big doe eyes and rounded nose look down at you with a glint of sympathy. 

“Uh, Y/N?” He says softly. 

You squint at him, trying to place him in the sea of people you know. Is he one of your classmates? Or does he know you from streaming? He’s not a regular at the restaurant is he? He doesn’t register as familiar at all. You open your mouth to speak, but before you get the words out, he’s talking again at rapid speed.

“Sorry! I don’t want to bother you. Um, you don’t know me, but I’m a friend of Seokjin’s.”

A hot prickle of anger and embarrassment punches your gut. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. Uh, I don’t want to bother you, but I noticed you were really upset and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He glances over at the empty glasses on the table. 

“I’m fine,” you say reflexively. “Just been having a bad weekend.”

“Ah,” the stranger says, furrowing his eyebrow. “I can understand that. Do you uh…do you want to talk about it?” 

He shifts onto his heels, rocking back and forth slightly. It makes you feel dizzy just looking at him. 

“No, no I’m good.” 

“Got it, sorry. I know that might be weird. Just thought maybe you’d need somebody to talk to.” 

“And what gives you that impression? A random stranger who is disrupting my night sure seems to know so much about me for no particular reason.” 

“Oh, I have a reason. Hyung–uh, Seokjin– he means a lot to me.”

You wait for him to go on, but instead he bites at a piercing on his lip. 

“I don’t really see how that’s relevant.” 

“Ah, yeah. Sorry. Um, I…you know what? Never mind. So, listen. My uh, my friend is the owner of this restaurant. And they don’t want other people to have a bad experience here.” 

You blink at him. “That’s..great?” What does this guy want from you? Why is he sharing this? 

“It is! And so um…” he holds up a take out container. “He wanted me to bring you this.”

“Okay? I’m not finished yet, though. I was going to finish this beer first.” 

He nods and you see a blush color his cheeks. “Sure, but you see, some people have complained. And he just. He would like it if you finished your food at home instead.” 

An awful silence rings out between you and you glance around. Other patrons of the restaurant are glaring at you. From behind the checkout counter, you can see a very tall man standing with his arms crossed, wearing a pained expression. He, too, is blushing. 

You glance back at the doe-eyed man. “He…you are kicking me out?” 

His eyes go wide and he starts waving his hands in front of him. “Ah, um! No, no one is kicking you out! Mingyu is a puppy, he means no harm. He just…last week someone stole all the change in the drawer and now things are really tight for him and he can’t afford to lose business.”

Mingyu, you now know he’s named, drops his head into his hands and sighs. 

“Got it,” you say through gritted teeth. Jesus, can today get any worse? You stand up, and suddenly the world is tipping sideways and being pulled out from under you. 

“Whoa, whoa!” The stranger says. You close your eyes, ready to hit the tile floor. But it never happens. Instead, the weight of your back is being held by something sturdy, and your wrist on your right arm is clamped onto tightly. You open your eyes and see him beaming down at you, his eyes wide. “Careful there.” 

“JK!” Someone calls out. “You know where she lives?”

“Nah and Hyung isn’t answering whenever I try calling him,” the stranger shouts back. Your right ear is ringing, sensitive to the loud noise. 

“SHH! God, right in my ear! Jesus! I’m fine. I can get myself home! I’m not some weak damsel in distress.” You slap his hands away and find your footing on the sticky floor. 

JK, you assume, holds his hands up in surrender. “Noona, I’m not saying you are. But you are really drunk, and I can’t let you leave when you can’t even walk.” 

You snort. “So I need to leave but I can’t? What kind of riddle is this for me to solve? Are you a troll that lives under a bridge? I can’t leave until I solve your riddles three?” 

He chuckles. “No, more that I am going to take you home. Here, get your food in this, I’ll get my keys.”  

“Don’t bother,” you say, scooping the still-warm food into the container. A part of you is mourning how soggy this is going to be later. 

“Please, Y/N don’t fight me on this,” JK says softly. 

“I’m not,” you insist. 

“Then let me drive you home.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“Then why–”

“Because I live like two blocks that way.” You point. 

His tight jaw slackens as he follows your hand, peering out toward the direction of your place.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, and scoop up the container, glancing down at the empty drinks. In a last minute decision, you lift up your glass of beer and chug the rest of it down. 

JK sighs and shakes his head when you deposit the empty glass into the nest of the others. “Was that really necessary?” 

“Yes,” you reply, walking toward the cash register. JK walks through the swinging kitchen doors, you assume to grab his keys. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Mingyu says, waving his hand. 

What? No way. You try to do the mental math, but at this point, you’ve lost count of how much anything costs. One thing you know: this meal wasn’t cheap. 

“No! No, I want to pay. I’m sorry I was so disruptive. Please let me–.”

JK reappears, carrying a leather jacket, backpack, and motorcycle helmet. “Ah, Noona, don’t worry about it. I already paid.” 

He what? Who the hell is this guy? 

“Oh,” you say awkwardly, glancing up at Mingyu. “Well..thanks.” 

“Yeah. Uh, you’re welcome. Get home safe. Maybe drink some water when you get there.” He steps away from the counter and grabs a gray plastic bin, shuffling over to your table to bus it. 

“Ready?” JK asks and you nod, following him out the door. 

“Are we really going to take your motorcycle a few blocks?” 

He laughs. “Why? Are you scared?”

Yes. “No. Just feels like a waste of gas.” 

“Sure. But I also was probably going to go to Seo-somewhere after this so it would make sense to take it. But if you’re nervous about it, we can walk.” 

“I’m not nervous. It’s just a waste of gas.” 

“Okay, Y/N.”

“Okay, JK,” you mock. He begins walking along the sidewalk in the general direction of your place and pauses at a shiny black Harley, scooping up a second helmet from the seat. 

“That’s not my name.” 

“Then what is your name?”

“Jungkook.” 

He looks at you and smiles, holding out the helmet he had in the restaurant. You stare at it, not making a move to grab it. 

“No? Well, I guess we’ll walk.” 

You’re not sure why you grab the helmet but do. You’ve never been on a motorcycle; they have always terrified you how they weave through traffic and tight alleyways, zip through intersections and rev themselves at lights in some grand show of ego. But Jungkook doesn’t look like any of the biker dudes you’ve seen with long beards and bandanas. He looks almost like an innocent kid. But with tattoos and piercings. 

His smile widens as you scoop up the helmet and plop it onto your head, letting Jungkook adjust the chin strap’s tightness. 

“Are you sure I’ll fit on this?” You ask, eying the incredibly small passenger “seat” off the back of the bike. Who even fits on these? Children riding illegally? 

“Huh?” He looks between you and the bike, scanning your body up and down as he tries to do math. 

“Yeah,” he decides and nods. “Yeah I don’t think it’ll be an issue.” 

So you hoist yourself onto it, trying not to tip the heavy machine over in your jolt. Jungkook clips his helmet on and hands you his backpack. “I’ll need you to wear this though. Otherwise it’ll squish you.” 

You loop the straps over your arms and reposition yourself. Jungkook easily navigates his leg over to the other side, using his left food as a grounding while he holds the bike up. 

“Okay, let’s go!” He says enthusiastically and you chuckle before realizing he has no idea where you’re going. 

“Oh, uh you’re going to head that way for about three blocks. Then turn right.” 

He nods and then inserts the key into the ignition, turning it on. Wordlessly, you wrap your arms around his thin waist, and as you whip down the main road toward your apartment, the chill of the spring air on breezing across your arms feels a little bit like freedom.  

When you arrive, you do the polite thing and invite Jungkook in to prove that you are not so inebriated that you’ll aspirate and die in your apartment. You even drink an extra glass of water to ensure he believes you when you say you’re fine. You’re mostly tired now, the exhaustion of the week and Seokjin’s rejection heavy on your body. 

“Well, thanks,” you say, signaling it is time for Jungkook to leave. 

“You’re welcome. And Noona, I’m sorry about Mingyu, he really didn’t mean any harm.” 

“I understand, I was kind of a lot.” You say, the haze of the restaurant fading into the night. All the things you were mad about are starting to seem quite immature. You pause, realizing something. 

“God damnit! I left my chicken there!” 

Jungkook laughs and shrugs. “Well, it’s a good thing I know the owner. I can always get you a fresh order if you want it?” 

You mull it over for a second before shaking your head. “It’s fine. I probably don’t need it anyway. It was just comfort food during a bad week.” 

“You mentioned you were having a hard time. I hope you feel a little bit more at ease now that you ate and got more water into you.” 

You sigh. “No, not really. I am starting to feel a little stupid for the phone call I had earlier.” 

“Oh yeah, I overheard a bit. So what was that all about? Mad at a friend or something?” 

“Yeah,” you say and Jungkook’s smirk drops. 

“Hyung? What did he do?”

“It’s…it’s not a big deal really. He just…we were supposed to…hang out the other night, and he blew me off.” 

“Oh, that’s not really like him. I’m sorry that happened.”

“Not your fault,” you say, smiling up at Jungkook.

A beat passes and Jungkook sniffs, glancing around at your place. “So, about Seokjin-hyung.” 

You raise an eyebrow in question. Where exactly is this going? When you don’t say anything, Jungkook looks over at you. 

“Well, h-he’s not a bad guy. Really. I hope you know that.” 

“Why are you doing this?” You ask. 

“Doing what?” 

“Building a case for him. All your friends really. Trying to mediate on their behalf.” 

Jungkook glances down and sighs. “I don’t know. But we aren’t talking about me right now.” 

“Are we even talking about anything? We’re strangers.” 

“Have you considered that people become friends instead of strangers by sharing things about themselves?”

You wince. “I don’t like you.” 

Jungkook splits into laughter and you can’t help but chuckle in response. He’s charming, but you don’t need him to know that. 

“Fair enough. I’m just saying, Seokjin he…he’s really a good guy. Practically raised me. Although sometimes I think I’m more mature than he is. But he’s had a rough time lately with all the stuff happening with the restaurant and his family coming back soon. I think he’s just not entirely sure who he is, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.” 

You sigh, defeated. 

“Take care, Y/N. I hope to see you around.” Jungkook walks toward the door, turning the knob. 

“Hey, wait,” you say. You feel a little guilty as you sober up. You’ve been bratty all night to the poor kid; you could cut him some slack. 

“Thanks for helping me out tonight,” you say sheepishly. 

“Anytime. Really. Although maybe we can avoid making this a habit. I’d like to meet you again when you aren’t drunkenly shouting at my hyung over the phone.” Jungkook picks up his spare helmet off the floor and waves, and then slides through the door and into the dark. 

For a few minutes you stand there, trying to balance the scales of the weekend, from the ghosting to the drunken calls to running into one of Seokjin’s closest friends who drove you home on the back of his Harley. Your head feels like it’s spinning. 

What are you supposed to do about any of this? You’re not sure. Jungkook told you that he was basically raised by his friend, and that touches something really soft within you. You’re not surprised. Look at how good of a mentor he’s been to you in the kitchen staff? It’s not common for bosses to take time out of their schedule to train you, especially before the place even opens. 

But that’s Seokjin’s dedication. He cares. And that’s also why this rejection hurts. Because you know that if he’s being this way to you, it can only mean that you did some unknown thing that has driven him away from you. And it has to be big enough for him to ignore you all day? 

What if he’s seeing someone? What if he’s trying to create distance with you? Your head spins with all the ideas and you need any details. Anything. 

You practically run to your computer, typing in Worldwide Handsome’s website address and searching the performer tab. You don’t have to scroll long. He’s one of the top streamers of the year, and you see that he has a stream that happened Friday night on his replay list, but it’s blocked behind a paywall. Did that asshole seriously stream on Friday instead of hanging out with you?

You pause for approximately two seconds before you begin typing your credit card information in. You need to be sure. In a matter of seconds, all of Seokjin is everywhere; there are photos of him, clothed and naked. Some are crystal clear in quality, looking almost professionally taken, every ridge of his hard cock portrayed through pixels. You feel heat creep into your chest and cheeks, almost like you’ve just taken three shots of vodka. 

As it turns out, the alcohol’s effects paired with Seokjin’s own hotness have you pulling the fabric of your shirt away to try and get some proper air. After a moment, you decide you’re done wrestling with it and strip it off. It’s your apartment, you have a right to walk around topless if you want. And pantless. You feel the cool air wick away some of the heat from the back of your knees as you slide the pants down. Much better. You probably smelled like fried chicken anyway. 

You look back at the screen, your entire monitor displaying an HD photo of Seokjin in the middle of an orgasm, his neck thrown back, Adam's apple bobbing as he squeezes the head of his cock. His hands and stomach are messy with a milky, somewhat translucent load of cum. You squirm a little in your seat, feeling the heat that was once flushing your body send a sharp flicker of desire to your core. What is it you’re supposed to be doing? 

You blink a few times at the screen before exiting out of the photo gallery and heading into the video playlists. Ah, you remember when you see the most recent stream. Research. Because he’s avoiding you. A sharper, more painful throb stabs through your chest, carrything with it the sting of anxiety.

You need to know how you can fix this. You take a deep breath and load in the video. 

“Hi Everyone,” Seokjin says, a lazy wave fanning into the shot. “It’s been a while.” You study his face, he seems sad and upset. Is this really the same Seokjin you saw at work two days ago? He seemed a little stressed, sure, but not like this. 

Seokjin greets some of the names of people who must have responded to his chat. After a few minutes, he smirks. “I needed this. I missed you guys, too.”

Has he not been regularly streaming? You never really thought to look again after you stumbled upon him a few months ago. Okay, that’s a lie. You’ve definitely thought to check on him at least a hundred times, but you promised yourself that you wouldn’t peek. He deserves privacy. 

But now as you’re learning, he hasn’t been consistently online in months. Where has he been? Have you really been taking up that much of his time with your own streams? Your chest follows the sharp pain up to your throat, where guilt nestles itself in. 

He’s seeing someone. He’s got to be. Pulling away from streaming makes all the more sense if he’s dating someone. All that horny, intimate energy has to be directed somewhere? It only makes sense that he would direct it onto someone. 

Jealousy sours your stomach. Maybe he realized that you were intending for this to be a date on Friday and didn’t know how to let you down. So he just did this instead? Why does none of this make sense? 

Seokjin has a few more conversations in the next few minutes, but nothing really stands out. He seems guarded. Sheesh, how lovesick is this guy?

As he wraps up his conversations, you see his face fall in between words as he reads the screen that is determining what type of toy he has to use. Eventually, it is decided upon a vibrating cock ring, and you watch curiously as he places the device down his shaft and balls, snuggly resting at the base. As people donate, the ring vibrates. 

You don’t feel like this is going to give you what you need. It’s certainly hot to watch at first, but it also isn’t helping you understand him better. Even still, you don’t click away, and for the next hour, you watch the recording, his tired eyes becoming all the more lifeless as he approaches his orgasm. Honestly, it feels a bit sad. Not long after he cums, he ends the stream. 

This is not like the one you’ve seen before. In that stream he was passionate, domineering, and direct. Now, you’re not even entirely sure if he was turned on. You begin cycling through older streams, trying to find a date of when all this started. 

How long has he been seeing her? How come you were too stupid to realize it before? You study each video for clues, looking for moments when he might mention something that shows around the time he started closing off to his audience. Nothing promising. 

Until this one, one where he’s softer than usual, more submissive. He goes soft a few times even in this stream, despite the fact that he’s engaging with his audience, he’s giving them everything they could ever want. You watch as he grinds down on a pink dildo, gasping for air, little moans popping out of his chest. 

If you didn’t know him as well as you thought you do, you might believe it. You’ve watched enough of his videos now (including the one you caught live), to see how Seokjin looks when he’s turned on versus when he’s performing as Jin. 

A little buzz comes over the speaker and Seokjin’s eyes look past the camera, presumably toward the source of the sound. Then, like a switch, something happens, and he grows harder in his jerking hand, a flush creeping up onto his chest, his rhythm changing to form a steadier, lighter grind on the toy. But what lets you know that he’s truly, really turned on, is that his moans are not high pitched at all. They’re deep. Fuck. 

“Fuck,” he mimics, a low chuckle coming out of his chest. He’s closed his eyes, more invested in his fantasy. 

Shit, this is getting hot. You squirm a bit in your seat again, trying to focus. You’re looking for clues, remember?

“Yes, yes, that’s it. Right there,” Seokjin groans. You rasp a breath, which has become more erratic as the head of his cock becomes deeper in its blush. You can’t help it. This is what he does, how he affects you. He could be completely clothed or fully naked in this moment, and you would still be just as wet as he’s making you from using that voice. You reach down between your legs, trapping your hand in between to relieve some of the pressure. 

���Fuck, Y/N.” 

What? 

No. There’s no absolutely no way. You must be imagining it. Your stomach does a little flip out of hope anyway. 

“Mmm, I’m close. Fuck!” He changes the tactic for stroking himself, now flicking his wrist and squeezing his tip. You can see the bead of precum that is leaking out. 

You must still be so drunk that you’re running away with your fantasies. No. 

“Y/N,” he says again, clearer. And then, Seokjin orgasms, lifting his hips so his cock can thrust into his hand, droplets of cum spurting from the tip, dappling his thighs and stomach.

“Oh my god,” you say as the information all starts to click into place. “Oh shit.”

“Hyung, open up!” 

Seokjin rubbed his eyes, trying to understand what the hell was going on. What time was it? When he glances at the clock in his dark room, it says 1:43AM. Which is weird, because didn’t he go to bed last night after the sun came up? Maybe his clock was wrong and it meant 1:43PM instead of AM. 

But that was the least of his worries. Instead, he was heading toward the door, where one of his dongsaengs was beating on his door like he was intent on breaking it down. 

He pulled it open, and found Jungkook standing in front of him, his hair sticking out in weird places. He looked like he just had sex. 

“What are you doing here, Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook’s eyes looked anxious and he nodded. “Can I come in?” 

Seokjin moved away from the door frame, holding out an arm to let his friend in. “Is everything okay?” 

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? I’ve been trying to call you all day and your phone is off.” Jungkook said as he stepped into the apartment and unlaced his boots. 

“Ah, that. It went through the wash this morning. I think I’ll leave here soon to go get my new one.”

“Are there phone stores open this late?” Jungkook asked, furrowing his eyebrow. 

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that it’s almost two o’clock in the morning on a Monday. I don’t think someone is going to be open to sell you a new phone.”

“It’s not Monday, it’s Sunday.”

“I think I know the seven days of the week, hyung,” Jungkook scoffed and pulled out his phone, showing the display to Seokjin. He was right. It was Monday. 

“Holy shit. That means I slept through my entire Sunday! I was supposed to get a new phone today!” 

“Well, I guess your body was in sleep debt or something and you needed the rest. Anyway, as much as I love being Father Time and all, that’s not why I came here. I need to tell you something.”

He couldn’t help it, but as he heard his friend speak, Seokjin’s pulse increased. Nothing ever came from that sentence. But before he could even begin to think about what life altering event happened that would change him and Jungkook’s friendship forever, the youngest was already walking over to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water.

Jungkook unscrewed the cap and took a long chug. “Sorry, thirsty. It’s been a long night. Listen, I was just at Y/N’s.”

Of all the things Seokjin was anticipating Jungkook to say, that wasn’t it. His stomach dropped as he further took in the rumpled appearance of his friend. 

“Wh-what? You were hanging out at her house at 1 in the morning? H-how did this happen? I didn’t even know you guys knew each other.”

Jungkook blinked at his friend for a moment, realization dawning on him. “Oh, no, nothing like…intimate happened hyung! I met her tonight. I was at Mingyu’s and she was there!” 

“Well that makes me feel so much better now!” 

“What? You don’t think I would sleep with her, do you?”

“Well you really weren’t holding much back a few months ago when you saw her streaming!” 

“I…okay so she’s really pretty and I did give her a ride on my bike back to her place but that’s the most we touched! I swear!”  

The sickness of jealousy pulled at his stomach.

“Hyung,” Jungkook said lightly. “I would never betray you like that. You’ve been interested in Y/N for a long time. And I know that.” 

He was right. And Seokjin knew that, too. He took a deep breath. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Jungkook smiled softly, and then sighed. “I just want you to be happy, hyung. Which is why I came over here right after I dropped her off. She was trashed. Mingyu kicked her out, and you know he’s too chicken shit to ever kick anyone out. But she was on the phone yelling about something and I recognized her. She had drunk herself under the table and was trying to finish a 4-person platter of chicken by herself. 

“And that’s not all, either. Uh, when I started talking to her, I learned what she was really upset about. Hyung, why did you blow her off about your date?”

“What? We didn’t have a date planned.” 

“Are you sure? Because I heard her leave you a voicemail saying that if you didn’t want to go out with her, you should have said so instead of blowing her off two nights ago and that you have ghosted her.” 

Seokjin furrowed his brow. It didn’t sound like you to behave so erratically. Did you get that drunk that you were thinking of things that never happened? When was it that you’d even spoken last?

He retraced the past three days, from him washing his phone this morning…or yesterday morning to work, to the Worldwide Handsome letter, to two days ago when his father began the chaos by sending over half the forms needed. That full day of sleep really was throwing him off. He’d talked to you that morning, hadn’t he? 

About going to that restaurant you’d wanted to try. He’d gotten a late reservation. That he completely forgot about because of everything else. 

“Fuck,” Seokjin said, running his fingers through his hair. 

“What? Oh, hyung, Don’t tell me it is true.” 

“I–it completely slipped my mind. I was supposed to take her out to dinner. It was going to be maybe our first step toward dating. God, I didn’t mean to forget! I was just so overwhelmed with everything that when the time came I was streaming instead.”

“Well, I’m not sure how she’s going to really be understanding about you spending your Friday night jacking off for a couple hundred people for cash instead of taking her out.”

“She doesn’t know I stream.”

Jungkook coughed on the water he had just swished into his mouth. 

“What? Seokjin-hyung, why not? How has it not come up in the last few months of you helping her with her stream?”

“I don’t know! Because she somehow sees the qualities I possess while streaming in me as the manager. And besides, I am the manager. Which means I’m her boss and talking about me ‘jacking off for money’ as you choose to call it is inappropriate for a work environment!” 

“Are you having conversations about this in the work environment?”

“No, of course not!” Seokjin said. “What kind of manager do you think I am?”

“That’s not the point,” Jungkook said. He sighed. “The point is if you aren’t having those kinds of conversations at work, then why are you so bent out of shape to not tell her? And also, you won’t be her manager for much longer.” 

Jungkook had a point. “Look,” he said. “I fucked up. I forgot to take her out, and now I need to apologize or something.”

“She was really upset,” the youngest said, eyes flickering a bit in the dim kitchen light. “Like, I think she really really likes you.”

“How do you know that?” His friend had always been perceptive, but Jungkook was also sometimes a little naive. 

“Well, when I finally convinced her to leave and let me give her a ride home, she seemed really responsive to what I told her.” 

“What did you tell her?”

“To cut you some slack. That you probably didn’t mean to blow her off. That you care a lot about everyone and everything and have been going through some stuff.” His eyes softened, and he carded his tattooed hand through his overgrown hair. 

Seokjin felt his chest tighten. Jungkook had always been so good to him. It didn’t matter that he was the youngest; his heart and eyes were always big with love and wonder, ready to receive all the love in the world and give it all back tenfold. 

“Thanks, Jungkook-ah. That means a lot.”

Jungkook hummed thoughtfully, chewing on his lip ring. “I just want to see you happy.”

“I know. God, I know. And I like her so much. She’s so funny and sweet and beautiful. Sometimes I’ll come over to her place and we will just sit quietly around each other not talking. And then sometimes we talk for hours about everything. I have really started to…maybe fall for her.”

“Oh, hyung, have you told her any of that?”

“No, I…I thought it might slip out of me soon enough. And I guess it did, just she’s not here to actually hear it.” 

“I think you should start there and tell her how you feel in your apology. Otherwise what else are you going to do? Be miserable?”

Seokjin thought for a minute about how agonizing the last few days must’ve been for you. You’d been around him at work and he was too busy to talk. You not getting a response from him for the last few days was probably incredibly confusing and he didn’t know if he could wait until later this week when your shifts aligned to talk to you. 

He walked Jungkook over toward the door, grabbing his car keys off the hook near the entry. 

“Actually, I’m going to go over there. And then I’m going to beg for mercy.” 

You keep replaying those two parts over. Watching closely as Seokjin calls to you from the edge of arousal before tipping over into pure bliss. For now, you have it paused on the moment right before he says your name again and cums. 

He wants you. Or he did at some time. Which means it could very well still be true. Seokjin masturbates to you. He fantasizes about you. You turn him on as much as he turns you on. The vibrator you have suctioning your clitoris buzzes deeper as it scoots over the bud, making a lower groan when it finds a part of you that’s more wet than the rest. 

“Shit,” you say as you feel yourself getting closer to cumming. You pluck at your nipple with your free hand, continuing to move the shoved bra cup out of the way so you can enjoy the prickle of desire pulling toward the surface of your skin. 

You clench around nothing as you watch Seokjin pump his thick cock with one hand. You’re aching to be filled, but you also are too far gone now to move. You will have to orgasm this way,

getting at least some relief before the next. You have time now, the haze of alcohol fading from your bloodstream. It’s almost as if becoming horny made you sober up faster. 

You adjust the settings on the vibrator, upping the intensity. 

So close. You’re almost there. All you need is–

“Y/N?” You hear Seokjin call from somewhere. Your eyes flit to the screen, expecting to see the video unpaused. But that Seokjin is frozen in time. 

A knock echoes through your apartment.

Oh god, Seokjin is here? Right now? 

You quickly flip off the vibrator, chucking it to the floor in your pile of sweaty clothes from earlier. You exit out of the screen, noting that it’s almost 2:30 in the morning. What is he doing here so late? 

You adjust your panties back into place and pull your bra back over your breasts. In a panic, you throw the first thing you see long enough to cover you up and head to the door. 

When you open it, Seokjin is real and standing right in front of you, face flushed and panting. 

“What are you doing here?” You whisper-shout. Now is not the time you want to disturb your neighbors. 

“Please, can I come in?” Seokjin asks urgently, and you nod. 

He steps through the door, closing it behind him carefully. 

“I-I fucked up.” He says. 

You wait for him to finish. He doesn’t. 

“Oh, um, with what?” Playing nonchalant doesn’t serve you. 

“With what? With you. And I’m sorry. Y/N I completely forgot about our date. I honestly have been so overwhelmed with all the new things happening at the restaurant that it slipped my mind. And I haven’t had a phone the last few days, so I haven’t been able to text you.” 

So that explained his ghosting. And him streaming. 

“Oh.” 

“I just. I’m going to come out and say it. I like you. A lot, Y/N. And I do want to take you out to dinner. And I’m also so sorry for not communicating with you. A lot’s happened in the last few days. But I need you to know that I’m sorry.” 

Seokjin looks at you, eyes shimmering, a little wet like he might cry. Your heart squeezes in your chest. 

“You like me?” 

“Yes, I thought it was obvious.” 

“What do you mean you thought it was obvious? You’ve done nothing that would make me think that!” 

Seokjin blushes. “I-I’m sorry. I have been so nervous for a long time that I swore I wouldn’t make the first move until you did. And I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same, I promise you I’ll get over it. But I like you.” 

Seokjin likes you. 

Your brain immediately wants to refute it. No, you couldn’t possibly like me. You’ve mistaken me for someone else. Someone else with my name. Not me. 

“I…”

Ask if he has a fever, if he’s drunk. There’s just no way he could be serious about this. Is this a joke? Please don’t let this be a joke. 

“Oh, uh. God I’m such an ass, I should’ve known. Never mind. I…I should maybe go.” He looks you up and down, and you see his cheeks go beet red. Your eyes follow his gaze down to your ensemble.

Oh, that’s right. You’re standing in front of him wearing some ratty panties and a bra…and his shirt. 

Seokjin’s eyes go wide, and he casts his gaze away. “Sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

“No! No, it's fine! You can look!” You say quickly. “I mean, no, don’t go. I…I’m sorry I just am so not good at this and am having a hard time processing it. You like me. Me. Right?”

He nods, eyes still not looking your way. 

“Okay. Okay. Great. This is good! Um, fuck. I like you too. Sorry, I maybe should have led with that.” 

His head snaps in your direction, eyes now fixed completely on yours. “You do?” 

“I thought it was obvious,” you say, repeating his own words back to him. A huge smile blooms on his face. 

He closes the distance between the two of you, pulling your arms you were using to shield yourself for a bit of decency away from your body. You happily concede, wrapping them around him for a tight squeeze. 

He feels like home. There’s no other way to describe it. Security, safety, as if he fits in with the mismatched shelves in the living room. His scent floods into your nose, and you revel in it. It’s long since left his shirt you now wear, and something about it embedding into your skin has you sighing in relief. 

You both stand there for what feels like forever and also not long enough. His fingers gently caress the length of your spine. 

“Y/N?” he asks quietly. 

“Mm?” You force yourself to let go enough to look up at him. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“You’re asking?”

“I feel like we probably should have asked each other the first time it happened.”

“Yeah…you’re right.”

The silence between you isn’t uncomfortable. It’s more patient than anything else. 

“So is that a yes?” he asks lightly, a tiny bit desperate and you laugh, looking back into his deep brown eyes. 

“Yes,” you say. 

Seokjin moves slowly, carefully, almost like every single move he makes is marked with thought and consideration. He lifts your chin with his index finger, rubbing his thumb across your upper lip tenderly. Then, lightly, his hand expands along the length of your cheek, guiding you closer to him. On instinct, you close your eyes. When you feel his lips touch yours, you’re unable to get over how silky and soft they feel. Has this man never experienced chapped lips once in his life? 

You think to tease him, to pull away and ask, but then he’s parting your lips with his, the taste of him enveloping you as his tongue moves into your mouth. God, you’d forgotten how good he tastes. 

You lean deeper into him, letting your exposed stomach collide with the fabric of his pants, your breasts resting along his ribs. Your hands wander along the expanse of his strong, broad back.

When you nip the bottom of his lip with your teeth, you hear him gasp a little bit. 

He pulls back, his eyes dark, lips a little red and swollen. 

“Don’t start something you’re not going to finish,” he warns.

You cock an eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

He chuckles softly and drops his hand from your cheek, stepping away. He not-so-subtly adjusts himself in his pants. The air feels cold between you, and like a magnet, you move to close the distance again, craving more of him. 

Seokjin raises his eyebrows in surprise, but he doesn’t dismiss you, instead leaning down as you cup your palm around his neck, and you begin to kiss him again, only this time you venture downward, leaving little pecks along his jawline. As you reach his neck, you test the waters again, sucking the skin between your lips. He moans. 

“Fuck, Y/N, what are you doing?” 

You know the question is rhetorical, but you decide to give him a response anyway, licking along his neck and swirling your tongue in his collarbone. 

God, you can’t believe any of this is real, that he’s real, but you refuse to let the disbelief ruin this moment for you. Instead, you allow your other arm to start shifting down his chest, resting playfully at the waistband of his pants. 

Suddenly, Seokjin rips your hands away from him, and before you can even question what’s wrong, you’re being scooped up and carried across your apartment before being tossed onto your bed. 

“What did I tell you?” he says, a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Mmm, not sure.” This game is getting to be a little too fun. 

“Bad girl,” he mutters and you feel a thrilling rush of desire back to your center. You’ve been wet because of him for so long tonight, and still no relief. But with him here, what more can you really ask for?

You grin, going to move back toward him, to tease his chest this time when you find you’re landed flat on your back with your arms pinned above your head. 

He clicks his tongue. “Nuh uh. Only good girls get to touch.”

Heat, so much heat in your body. Seokjin is resting slightly over your hips. If you angle yourself just right, you might be able to relieve some of the pressure. You buck up, but to no avail. He already saw that move coming and has created distance between you two. 

“Ugh,” you cry in annoyance, but Seokjin laughs. 

“I promise it won’t be so bad, princess.We do need to take a step back anyway. I need to know more about how you’re feeling about this. What you want. And if you keep doing that I’m going to fuck you on this bed right now and will not be able to control myself.”

You gasp at the response, still squirming under him. After a moment of locking eyes with him in the silence, you can’t take much more. 

“Please,” you beg, but over what exactly? You aren’t sure. 

Seokjin knows, though. Somehow he knows exactly what you mean by this. 

“I know. Don’t worry. I’ll give you what you need.” Something in that sentence is so reassuring and you force yourself to relax a bit under his hold. 

He smirks. “Okay. But first, we need to talk.” 

You nod in agreement, and Seokjin releases your wrists, instead tracing his fingers down your arms, past your armpits and over the swell of your breasts. He hums thoughtfully, but continues his exploration down your sides and hips. 

“First of all, what do you want from this?” He gestures between the two of you. 

God, what if you are honest and it isn’t what he wants? You’re about to say whatever you want but as you study his face, you can see that Seokjin is also nervous. His hand is shaking slightly. You reach up and lace your fingers in his. 

“I don’t know what to call it, really. But I want to do this. To spend time with you away from all the everything that can be reality. I want to explore things together. To learn more about you. To build our own world that feels nice to walk around in. It always has felt kind of like we step into something just for us when we are alone. I like when you come over and sit on my couch and do nothing. I want more of that. And,” you guide his hand down unlacing it just as you place his hand over your breast. “I want you to touch me. Especially like this.” 

He keeps his hand still but does not remove it. 

“Can you…tell me what you want?” You feel somewhat embarrassed to ask, despite the fact that he just asked you the same thing. 

“Mmm,” he hums. He begins exploring the silkiness of the bra with his fingertips. You can feel the skimming of them over your nipples. It’s not enough to make them hard, but the promise of it makes you shiver, and that does. His fingers work along the band of the bra, a few of them snaking their way under it and touching the tender flesh on the side. Fuck, he’s torturing you. 

“I think I like the sound of our own little world,” he finally says. “It would be nice to feel a bit more…free.” As Seokjin finishes his sentence, you feel his fingers slink forward, brushing underneath the cup of your bra and lightly plucking at your left nipple. 

You inhale sharply, glancing up from where his fingers roam to his face, which hosts a sexy, lazy smirk. But his eyes are a different story, honed in on you like you’re some kind of prey he’s hunting. 

“Can I take off your bra, princess?” he asks. Fuck, there he goes again with that pet name. 

You nod, but Seokjin shakes his head, clicking his tongue. 

“We are going to need to work on you using your words, aren’t we?” 

It’s a rhetorical question, one without any bite because Seokjin still moves to the clasp on your back, unhooking your bra. Which maybe was a bad move, because you’re still in his shirt, and the straps are beginning to pull away from your shoulders without the weight of your boobs to fix them into place. 

But Seokjin doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he looks even more aroused somehow, exhaling through his nose heavily when your breasts drop out from their cups with a little jiggle. You move to begin taking the rest of your clothes off, but he’s already beating you to it, gently slipping his (or now your) shirt away from your shoulders, his hand supporting each arm as he peels away your layers carefully, like he’s opening a Christmas present and wants to preserve the paper. 

It’s when he’s chucked your bra and shirt to the other end of the room that he finally looks at you: chest, stomach, and all. 

“Fuck,” he groans and he leans back, trying to shift his very obvious erection around in his slacks with no success. “So beautiful.” 

Your eyes are fixed on him as he pushes down on his cock with his palm. You know what it looks like, how big it is, but that’s just on a screen, where the size of everything can be hard to compare. 

“Seokjin,” you say breathlessly, and his eyes snap away from your breasts as you lean forward and place your hand on his thigh. 

His breath is just as erratic. God, both of you need to get it together. He looks at you, trying to read your expression with his own concern. 

“I’m fine,” you reassure him, and the wrinkle between his eyebrows softens. “But can I touch you? Please?” 

You’re whispering. Like what you’re doing is some secret. And maybe it is. You hope it’s not, but only time will tell. Seokjin reaches to the hand that you’ve rested on his thigh and moves it up to the heat of his hard length. 

“Touch me wherever you want, princess. I’m yours to play with.” 

Shit. “Shit.” 

His gaze is scorching. He wets his lips and watches you as you explore him, slipping your hands up his abs under his shirt, which he graciously removes when you complain that you’re more naked than him. You remove your hand from his clothed cock and watch him spin into equal desperation as you, a somewhat annoyed look taking over his face as if to ask you what you’re doing. 

You stun him then, tilting your head just so that you can lock his lips with yours. Enough talking. More feeling. Isn’t that what you two do all the time anyway? And if anything it pushes you two further away instead of guiding you closer. He’s yours to play with, and hopefully soon he realizes you’re his to play with too. 

You let your kisses become messy, weaving your tongue through his mouth before sucking on his neck again, feeling a light spank on your butt when you do. 

“Hey,” you say. “That hurt!” It didn’t. Not even a little bit. If anything it makes you squirm more, wanting to grind down onto him but you’re not in the right position for that. Next time, you promise. 

He laughs lightly. “Don’t test me. I’ll make it hurt.”

“So many empty threats. I recall you saying you were going to fuck me?” You readjust your position so your ass is in the air as you trail your tongue down Seokjin’s chest, teasing his nipples on the way down to his navel. 

“Watch your tone, Y/N.” He warns again. This time there’s a little venom behind it. 

“Mm, okay. Sorry. Maybe we need to establish a safe word.” You pop the zipper of his slacks and look up at him. 

He nods. “We’ll use the traffic light system. You know what that is?” 

You scoff. “Of course I do. I read.” 

“Oh, of course. Sorry for asking.”

“You’re forgiven,” you say, pulling the zipper down. He’s wearing black briefs, but you can see a tiny damp spot from where his erection pushes against the fabric. “Can I?”

“Yes, baby. Go ahead.” 

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, you’re tugging downward, whining when the pants don’t budge from how he’s sitting. 

“Here,” he laughs, and lifts his hips so you can tug. As you do, his cock springs free, tapping your wrist as you pull. 

Fuck. Seokjin is huge. You know this. You’ve seen hundreds of photos now and watched numerous videos, but that didn’t prepare you for reality. His tip is that same angry red it is when he’s incredibly aroused, and it’s glistening a little with precum. Your mouth waters. How would he taste? Will he let you taste him?

“Shit, Y/N. Look what you do to me,” he says. 

You blink at him. God, that’s right. You did this to him. He’s this turned on because of you. 

“I didn’t even do anything. You just took my shirt and bra off,” you say. 

“And you think you haven’t gotten me rock hard while fully clothed? God, do you remember that day in the kitchen a few months ago when I had you practicing cutting carrots and you hit your head? Did you not feel anything when you brushed your perfect ass up against me?” 

With that, Seokjin slaps your ass with one hand, the smacking sound ringing out in the room. A slight sting forms under his hand and you can’t help it, you moan. 

“I thought…I thought maybe you were hard but I didn’t know why. I just…I don’t know…I buried it in my memory because I didn’t think it would be true.” 

Seokjin rubs where he slapped, the warm sting soothed by his soft palm. 

“You have no idea how many times I’ve fucked my fist to the memory of you bending over and showing me your tiny little panties. Oh, shit, and those pajama shorts you always wear that ride up your thigh. Fuck. I almost came in my pants that one night you wore those to bed.” 

“I…I didn’t know,” you say weakly. Seokjin sighs and taps your side, pushing you into a sitting position. Your hands still rest on his thighs, right around the base of his cock. 

“Listen, Y/N, I know that I haven’t been the most clear on my feelings from the start, but I’m trying to rectify that now and hear me out. I like you a lot. And I’ve liked you probably since we first met, honestly. I dream about your thighs resting around my face as you sit on it. How sweet your wet pussy must taste. Every time I see you I have to try to think of morbid things to stop myself from popping a boner in public because I’m picturing you naked and waiting for me in my office, my tie in your pretty little mouth to silence your moans as I fuck you on my desk. I want to fuck those overthinking, stressful moments out of you and then feeding you delicious food after as we sit on the couch watching Netflix. 

“You have absolutely no idea what it’s like for me to feel like a horny teenager again the second you walk into a room. But god, I want to show you some amazing, dirty things.” 

You squeeze your legs together, your clit throbbing for attention now that it’s been promised.

“Then do it. Fuck me. Show me amazing dirty things.” You take his hot length in your hands and give him one long stroke. 

“You are such a tease,” he scoffs, which turns into a hiss as you lean down and take him into your mouth. 

God, he’s big. The edges of your lips are struggling to stretch to take him into your mouth. With a flick of your tongue along the tip, though, you wet him enough to slide more fully in. You taste the light tang of precum on your tongue and it makes you salivate more, allowing you to bob up and down as you hollow your cheeks. 

When was the last time you did this? You don’t even remember honestly, it’s all lost in the fog of shitty date nights, of trying to force yourself to take more than you could to prove something to yourself or the guy you were with. 

You know better now; Seokjin is too big to take all of; unless some porn star with no uvula or teeth is sucking him down, there’s no way to shove him all in without it hurting either of you. So you do your best, popping the head of his cock out of your mouth and dribbling some of your saliva around the shaft, laving your tongue along it as you pump him with your wet fist. 

The slick sounds of your hand movements are accompanied by soft little groans as you try to repeat all the things you’ve seen him do before. 

“Fuckkk Y/N. Yes.” You squeeze him a little harder and lick lower, then lower still until you’re making a little figure-8 around his balls. When you pop one into his mouth, he jerks. 

“Shit, fuck, fuck. Hold on, if you keep going I’m going to cum.” 

You hum a little and then you feel your hair leave the nape of your neck and a sharp tug. You gasp and detach yourself, leaving you coming up for air with strings of your spit dripping down your chin. 

Seokjin holds your hair looser in his fist now, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“Were you trying to make me cum in some insanely short record?” He asks. 

You can’t help but laugh. “No, why? Am I doing a good job?” 

He also laughs and then wipes your chin. “A little too good. My refractory period isn’t that short. And you are still wearing these.” 

Seokjin tugs at the waistband of your panties, and you suddenly feel shy. Why did you decide to wear your most worn out pair today of all days?

“Oh,” you respond, and just as you move to take them off and never speak of them again, he slaps your hand away.

“I didn’t tell you to take them off, did I?” 

“Uh, no, but–”

“Are you attached to them?” He asks and you shake your head. “Good.”

Within seconds, Seokjin rips through the worn out material, tearing it away albeit unevenly, which snaps the elastic to your thighs.

You hiss a little, the tender area of your inner thigh not enjoying the pinch. 

“Are you okay?” And just as easily as Seokjin exudes that sexy dominant self, he’s also light and considerate, something you haven’t witnessed in his streams. 

“Yeah, just got whipped by the elastic right here,” you say and rub at the invisible wound. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and pulls your thigh a little wider, bending down to take a closer look. You open your mouth to tell him you’re okay, but before you get the chance, he’s kissing it delicately, poking his tongue out to just graze your skin and dampen it before pursing his lips and blowing. 

Cold air taps your thighs, which admittedly, are already damp from how turned on you are, and as your skin prickles with goosebumps, you can tell Seokjin takes notice. He glances up at you, ever focused as his tongue begins to explore further inward, lapping at your inner thigh further toward the center. His arms reach out and quicker than you can react, your knees are resting over his shoulders, locking his head between them. He pulls back and winks before licking his plush lips and diving back down, and that’s when you feel him gently pulling your labia into his mouth as he suckles. You never knew that could feel so good. 

A whimper escapes you and that only seems to spur him on, as he detaches from them and laps upward, this time sharply sucking your clit. 

“Fuck,” you moan. You feel him chuckle, but he doesn’t remove himself, instead devouring you more intensely, digging his fingers into the flesh of your thigh as he pushes himself further into it. 

“Goddamn,” he says after a moment, and when he pops up, his eyes are burning, a wicked smile on his face. There’s a sheen of wetness along his cheeks, nose, and chin, and he continues to lick it away. “You’re so wet, princess. Is all of this for me?” 

That nickname again causes warmth to dip down through your core. How is it that he can even stay focused now? You’re so desperate for him your brain can hardly form words. 

“Yes,” you manage to choke out. 

“Mmm, well thank you. I’m eating well.” He kisses the top of your thigh. “I could do this all night.” He begins to dive down, but you throw your hand out, sinking your fingers into his hair. 

“No!”

“No?” He raises his eyebrows and tries to read your expression. 

“I need you,” you say. That’s an understatement. If such a word exists that is greater than need, that’s what you have for Seokjin right now. 

“But I wasn’t done with my meal,” he teases. He runs his fingers through your wet heat, rubbing at your clit. You buck at the direct stimulation, the pressure acting as a welcome relief. “This pussy tastes so good. I don’t know if I’m ready to give it up.”

With that, Seokjin sinks a finger in. God, his fingers are long, finding the rough patch inside of you and stroking at it. You clench around his finger. 

“Hmm, do you think my cock will fit into this tight little cunt?” He asks, and you feel a rush of heat head to your cheeks. The way he can just flip like a switch, to taunt you devilishly, to crack a few jokes and then be so dirty is not just impressive, but so incredibly hot. He begins to retreat his finger from you, which draws out a whine. It feels so good to be filled. 

“Answer my question,” he prods. Everything but the tip of his finger has pulled out. You reflexively clench again, trying to urge it back in. “Is my cock going to fit in here? Or do I need to fuck it open a little bit?” 

You want to answer, you do, but you can’t seem to form a legitimate response besides the first thought that comes to your head.

“Wanna cum,” you say stupidly. 

“Then what do you need to do?” 

“I need to answer your question,” you gasp as he pinches your clit with his other hand. 

“And what is your answer?” 

“I…I need you to fuck me open with your fingers.”

“Mmm, and why?”

“Because my pussy is too tight for your big coc–fuck!” 

Two fingers sink in, pumping in and out of you at a steady pace. You can feel Seokjin curl his fingers toward him as he touches your g-spot. Closer, you’re getting closer. 

“Ugh,” you whine, and as if he can tell what’s bothering you, he latches his mouth back onto your clit, flicking it with his tongue. 

The pressure in your stomach dips, and now you’re clenching firmly around his fingers as they scissor you wider. The slick sounds of him fucking you only add to your arousal. Your hips try to help, but you learn quickly that you’re not helping, you’re edging yourself away from your orgasm. 

“Y/N,” Seokjin says.

“More,” you respond, not caring if he’s scolding you or even concerned. You need more. Now. “Please, more.” 

He replaces his lips with his other hand, rubbing and pinching your clit within his own rhythm.

“Good girl. You’re so fucking beautiful. Look at you. All for me. All mine.” He bends down and pulls a nipple into his mouth. And that’s when you cum, your hips bucking into his hand as he strikes your g-spot head on. 

You can feel your heels tingle as they try to get the blood back into them. Seokjin massages your thighs as he places your legs back down on the bed, helping ground you in the swimming intensity of whatever the fuck just happened. The tremors of the orgasm’s aftershock rock through you, though not for long, as sure enough, he’s lying down on the bed next to you, pulling you close to him as you come back down. You tilt your head to let his lips find yours.  

He tastes like you, and there’s something impossibly hot about that. 

When he pulls back, you can tell how flushed he is, and when you glance down, sure enough his cock is so red and possibly harder than it was before. 

You reach down to relieve some of the pressure but Seokjin shakes his head. 

“We don’t have to tonight,” he says. 

You blanch. “What?” 

“If you don’t want to. I’m glad you came. That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen in my life. And I wanted to make you cum. But you’re under no obligation to go further.”

Is he fucking serious right now? “Did you not just see me choke on your dick? Shall I give you an encore?” Seokjin laughs and you shake your head. “Don’t be diplomatic about this. That looks painful. Fuck the shit out of me like you said you would.”

“I didn’t say I would fuck the shit out of you.” 

“Fine then I’m saying it. Seokjin, I have wanted you to fuck the shit out of me since you walked into my interview at the restaurant and asked me if I knew what the difference between scallions and chives are.” 

“You’d be surprised how many people don’t know the difference! I didn’t want an idiot on my staff to have to mentor.” 

“You’re missing the point.” You laugh, leaning in and nipping at his shoulder. “I have wanted you since day one. I am the definition of down bad. Every book I’ve read in almost a year has me picturing you as the love interest who absolutely destroys the pussy of the main character. You’ve been haunting me for months. Now please make good on my fantasy.”

“Wait wait. What’s the best fantasy?” 

“I don’t know!” You say. But he knows you’re lying. 

“Tell me,” he urges. 

“No,” you say. “I don’t know!”

“Is it one where I’m some giant alien with a huge blue cock that only has the urge to breed you?” 

Head floods your face. “What? No! First of all, how do you even know about that book?”

“I’m chronically online,” he deadpans. Ah, you realize. Of course it’s come up in his other profession. “Enlighten me then. What is the fantasy?”

He laces his fingers with yours and pulls your fist to his mouth. Then he begins his strategy anew, giving soft, tender kisses along your inner arm as he makes his way up, pausing to kiss your shoulder and clavicle before delivering a scorching kiss on your lips. You feel yourself melting into him, eagerly trying to get more and more of him. 

“Your secret is safe with me,” he whispers in your ear before lightly nipping at your earlobe. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I would never make fun of you for having a fantasy about something, especially if I’m involved.” 

You sigh, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck. You hide your face in his broad shoulder. “It’s…it has to do with the pet name you started calling me recently.”

“Ah…princess?” A shiver runs down your spine. “Do you like it when I call you that?” 

“Yes,” you mutter. A hum rumbles through Seokjin’s chest. He shifts, sitting up on the bed. And then you feel him use that insane strength to pull you up with him, fixing you to sit in his lap. His cock is right against your pussy and you have to fight the urge to grind against him. 

“What do you like about it?” He asks and you pause, trying to not show all of your cards. He’s your friend, and possibly is becoming something more. But you’re not sure what you want to tell Seokjin about your past. 

You choose your words carefully. “I like the idea of being precious to you. To be seen as important enough to be royalty. Powerful enough.” You pull back and look at him. “And I like the idea that I have power…you never have used that over me. Except maybe once but you were so responsive to my feedback when we talked back in February about me streaming and school. Like, no I didn’t want you telling me what to do. But I liked that you respected me enough to back off and let me figure things out. That means a lot to me. You always let me figure things out.”

“Well, yeah. Because it’s your life. You have a right to choose for yourself. No one gets to decide what choices you’ll make on your behalf. And making choices doesn’t make you a bad person or a good person. You just are, Y/N.” 

Tears well up in your eyes. “Thank you for saying that. It hasn’t always felt that way.” 

Seokjin curls his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. “In terms of power, this is how things are supposed to be. You shouldn’t feel powerless around me. Especially not here. Just because I’m assuming a role that’s more dominant doesn’t mean you’re not in complete control. Just because in some places in my life I’m ‘in charge’ doesn’t mean that I decide what goes on here. You’re in complete control of what you want and how you want it.” 

You bury your face into his chest. If you could hold onto a moment forever, this would be it. After a few moments of silence, you hug Seokjin close to you, and then pull back, looking up at him. His eyes are so warm and tender as he gazes back down at you and you feel a tug in your chest. This, this is what safety feels like.  

He begins rubbing your back and you stifle a nod, but he catches it. “Do you want to go to bed?” 

You roll your eyes before rutting against him. He grunts. “I want to tell you about my fantasy,” you decide and he laughs. 

“Okay, princess. Go for it.” 

“Okay so we’re in the throne room. And I’m sitting on the throne. You’re my loyal knight. You’ll do anything to please me.” 

“Mmm, doesn’t sound too far off from the truth.” You pinch his side. “Yah! Stop it.” 

“Don’t interrupt me. So you’ll do anything for me. Slay beasts, accompany me on my journeys, defend me to the court. You’re my friend and my backup for when shit hits the fan. Anyway, after a long fought battle where you know, you pine after me for a while, you snap. And you decide you need me and you need me now.” 

You begin to rock against his length, and Seokjin grins, starting to follow your movements. “Tell me more,” he says, his cock sliding between your wet lips. 

“So after this long, arduous journey, you decide you need to claim me. Maybe it’s jealousy that I’m being promised to some king in a far away kingdom or something. But after meeting with me in the throne room, you get down on your knees and force my legs apart. 

“‘Princess’, you say to me, ‘I’ve learned in this world that time is not promised, and because time isn’t promised, I need you to know now how I truly feel. I am on my knees, letting you know I need you. Please, let me worship you,’ and being the diplomatic princess I am, I open my legs for you and you begin eating me out like your life depends on it. And then, ah…it gets kind of kinky,” you say, heat rushing to your cheeks. 

“Hmm. Are you curious about kink? Or have you been part of kink communities?” Seokjin asks thoughtfully. 

“Definitely curious. Not really experienced,” you offer. 

“Noted. Continue.” 

“So, you decide to crawl under my skirt, eating me out like your life depends on it, but then my chambermaid or someone comes in and says I have a meeting soon I need to prepare for. 

“But I’ve kept you under my gown, really well hidden because it’s so annoyingly big, and all the while you’re still teasing me. Trying to test and see if I’d cum with others around.”

“And do you?”

“Sometimes in the fantasy I do, yeah. And usually by that point, I get discovered and you keep going, so unbothered by people watching. Or sometimes we don’t get caught, and the second the others leave I’m riding you naked on my throne wearing only my crown.” You are panting now, your slick body fully stimulating Seokjin’s cock, which is leaking precum again. 

“Mmm, I like that. A little exhibition kink in there. So desperate to be fucked you don’t care who sees. That’s pretty hot.” 

“Uh huh. So, so desperate.” 

“Is your pussy that needy in your fantasy? Or is that how it is now?”

“Fuck, Seokjin.” 

“Yes princess?”

“Please.”

He leans down, claiming your lips as you two continue to rub your bodies against each other, sliding skin against skin with delicious friction. When his cock slides at a particular angle, you feel it rub straight over your clit in a way that has you moaning. 

Seokjin rips away his lips from yours, instead latching onto your neck for a deep suck that you know is going to leave a mark. But you don’t care. God not even a little bit.

“Such a good girl for me, aren’t you? My girl is so needy for my cock, isn’t she?”

“Yes. Please, more,” you respond, shifting your hips to try and get him closer to where you need him. 

“Not even patient at all, are you?” You know this is him playing it up, because the way he’s breathing suggests he, too, isn’t very patient. He slides a little more, grinding his hips into you. 

“I need you. I need it,” you whine, and Seokjin slows his grinding for a moment, a thought clearly crossing his mind. 

“Oh, shit. I don’t have any condoms,” he says weakly. You grind down again, a bit harder this time. 

“I’m on birth control.” Your next appointment for your birth control shot is in a month. You should be fine. 

“I’m clean,” he offers, hands going to your ass and shoving you further into him, the weight of his large hands on your hips making you dizzy. 

“I would hope so. I put your cock in my mouth earlier. We probably should have established that sooner,” you copy his previous movement and suck on the hollow of his collar bone, hoping you’re marking him as he marked you.

A strained laugh leaves his chest. “You’re right. And you’re clean too?”

“Yes, sorry.” You stop gyrating. You know you need to be more serious about this. “I’m clean. And…I also haven’t had sex in a long time so I’m sorry if I’m not good at this.”

He sighs. “Pause.”

Oh shit, you think. Does that turn him off? What if he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who has been so obviously horny and lonely for a while? It’s not like you’re a sex god like he is. You can barely even say what you want and where you want it. Maybe he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who needs this much direction. After all, what fun is it when you have to instruct your partner how to make you come because they have no instincts? 

You are about to break down, to call it all off, and then you look at Seokjin again, feel how hard he is under you, see the perspiration dotting his hairline. He said only a few minutes ago that you almost made him cum with your blowjob skills. He admitted he likes you. 

You know he wants you, regardless of how many times you’ve had sex in comparison to him. There’s proof right in front of you that this man wants you. You take a deep breath. “Sorry. I…I don’t know why I’m apologizing actually.” You force a nervous laugh. 

His eyebrows twist closer together. “You don’t…need to apologize for your sex experience. It’s not being graded.” 

“I know, I know. And I also know that sex is different for every single pair of people. It’s less about being good and more about listening to your partner and figuring it out together. If you were treating me sexually the same way as you treated other people you’ve had sex with, it would probably be…maybe not as good? Because we might not like the same things.

“But I guess I just…I’m a little insecure; that’s all.”

“Okay. That’s ok. I feel a bit insecure too. This is all really vulnerable and I’m terrified I’m not going to know what you want or pay enough attention to check in.” 

“Why?” You ask. You’re surprised to hear Seokjin is insecure about anything. 

“Because I want you so much, Y/N. I have never felt such intense, deep desire like this and I’m afraid that once I get a taste of you I’ll just want more and I’ll start bending the rules for my own sick pleasure.” 

“Has….has that ever happened before? Where you crossed boundaries?”

“Never. And that’s why it’s so terrifying. I’ve never felt so out of control before. You look at me a certain way and I get so hard I swear my dick will fall off. I’ve always been so collected but with you I feel scrambled and like if I’m not careful I’ll, I’ll–”

“You’ll fuck the shit out of me?” You tease and you see Seokjin’s concern wash away as you giggle. “Isn’t that what I told you to do anyway?”

He grins. “Yeah, you did.” 

“Well then let’s remember what you said before. Traffic light system when it’s needed. Or, for now, maybe we can just trust that if we are uncomfortable we’ll say something? Since this is so new…Stop means stop for now. A color if we feel like we aren’t being taken seriously. Just to be sure.”

Seokjin nods, then tenderly kisses your forehead. “Okay, I like that.”

“Good, because I am so wet and if you don’t fuck me soon I might explode.” 

You both laugh at that, but your laughter is turned into a tight moan when you feel Seokjin’s hand slip from around your back and down to your clit. You hum in delight. 

“Feel good baby?” 

“Yes,” you say, clenching as he rolls his thumb around your nub. 

“You’re so wet. Shit.” His hand moves to his cock, jerking it in his fist a few times before gently tapping your thigh so you push up a bit away from his lap. He adjusts the angle, brushing his cockhead against you to gather some of your arousal. And then, he’s inside.  

Holy shit. You can feel him stretching you, testing your limits, your body spasming around the girth of him as he nestles deep in you, making you feel exceptionally full. 

“Oh god,” you moan, grinding down to the hilt. 

“Oh, fuck, Y/N. You’re so fucking tight.” 

Both of you take an exasperated breath and you can’t help but giggle at your dual reaction. “Damn, where have you been hiding that thing?” You joke and Seokjin hisses. 

“Ah, ah, careful. When you laugh you squeeze around me and you feel so good. But to answer your question, either you’ve been oblivious every time I’ve popped a boner around you or you know damn well where I’ve been keeping it.” 

He tests the waters, rolling his hips a little. A gasp escapes from you. Seokjin grins at you devilishly and you cock an eyebrow before clenching down in retaliation. His eyes widen. “Y/N,” he warns.

You bat your eyelashes innocently. “Sorry, but you did this,” you say, echoing his earlier sentiment back to him. “You made me this way for you.” You shove your hips back, causing him to grunt. 

“I don’t know how long I’ll last, it’s been a while.” 

“I don’t care. It’s fine. Cum whenever you want. Just, god, don’t stop.” 

A dark look casts across his face. “Alright. Just remember this is what you asked for.” 

Seokjin pulls out. What? How is this supposed to be what you asked for? You make a pathetic noise at the loss, pouting at him as he lays you down softly onto your sheets. 

He clicks his tongue at you. “So needy.” Maybe he’s trying to sound condescending, but he’s also smiling. He leans forward to push some of your hair out of your face, his palm resting on your cheek. “So beautiful.”

Something in your chest clenches, and you take a deep breath to try and break apart the feeling. But it’s still there, so deep in your chest you don’t think anything is going to make it go away. And you’re also not sure you want it to. 

You lean into his palm, pecking it with your lips before glancing up at him. He swallows hard. Seconds pass as Seokjin follows the lines of your body with his eyes, as if he’s trying to memorize you. As if you might just slip away. He breathes unevenly, and you see his eyes glistening in the dim light of your room. 

“Hey,” you say hoarsely, reaching a hand over to his thigh and poking it. “Come back to me.” 

He blinks a few times and takes another breath, this time a steadier one. “Sorry, I was getting lost in my thoughts.”

“Are you okay?” You ask. “Do you want to stop?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “No, no I’m fine. I was just thinking about how long I wanted this. And maybe longer than I even realized. But I’m okay.”

You get it; for some reason the energy between the two of you is so intense, charged with waves of emotion you didn’t even know you can feel. “Okay,” you say, and you reach out your hand for him to lace with this. “How do you want me?”

This seems to refocus things. Right now you’re lying flat on your back, your legs slightly open, and you know that’s not how Seokjin planned to position you. He grins and takes your hand, leading it to the back of your thigh that he lifts. You follow his lead, spreading your legs so that you’re grasping behind both your knees, incredibly open and vulnerable for him once more. 

He reaches behind you and puts a pillow under your neck before grabbing the other. With a simple lift of your hips, he scootches the pillow under your hips, creating an angle for your back to rest more comfortably and clearly, allowing him to reach deeper. 

From this angle, you can also see better as he strokes his cock a few times before positioning himself between your legs. 

“If for some reason this hurts at any point, tell me and we’ll find something more comfortable for you, okay?” You hum in agreement, staring down at his length, clenching as you ache to feel it filling you once again. 

He snorts. “Verbal agreement please, Y/N. Remember our rules.” 

“Yes,” you say eagerly and without any more conversation, he takes himself in his hand and fucks into you. 

“Jin,” you breathe. Did he get bigger? You know that there’s no way that can be true, that it’s probably due to how you’re angled for him to reach deeper, but each stroke is deliciously dizzying. 

Seokjin responds with a concentrated grunt and then he pulls out completely. 

“No! No please,” you beg and feel him sheath himself back into you, harder. 

“God, such a pretty little pussy you have, don’t you?” He rocks his hips back, kissing against your cervix, which elicits a deep moan as he begins to thrust harder, the slap of his balls against your wetness sounding so incredibly filthy. “Taking me so well, princess.” 

Seokjin groans but doesn’t relent, instead leaning more of his weight onto you, forcing your legs to tuck in closer to your chest. At this angle, he rubs directly against your g-spot, sending a shiver down your spine. “Oh my god, there! Please!” Thank god he listens, snapping his hips with short, hard thrusts. You’re so close. 

“You gonna cum for me?” He pants, sweat now thoroughly beading down his temples and blooming on your chest. You nod. Words aren’t forming in your head. 

“Poor baby, did I fuck you stupid? Cum for me princess. Cum on this cock.” You don’t need much more convincing, and you feel yourself shake as you orgasm, clamping down on him. Your hands go loose on your thighs, fingers tingling so much that they can no longer hold on. 

“Good girl. That’s it baby, just let go, I’ve got you.” He intercepts your legs before they close, pushing himself forward and angling you back as he continues to thrust. Maybe it’s the feeling , or his sweet affirmation, but your vision blurs and you feel yourself blink away a few stray tears that leak from the corners of your eyes and down your cheeks. 

“I’m gonna cum,” Seokjin says, teeth gritted as he thrusts again. And again. And again. You feel your muscles tighten as you brace yourself for another orgasm, and find enough strength to reach down to your clit and rub it. The sudden pleasure spikes once more and you’re falling again, this time your body quaking roughly as Seokjin finally cums, his cock twitching as a pleasurable warmth spills into you. 

You study his face, fascinated how you’ve seen it before, yet it feels so different to witness it in person. The tendons in his neck protrude, and you feel the energy of the room sink into blissful exhaustion as he rolls the both of you onto your sides while still connected. 

He sighs and then closes his eyes, his dick twitching a little here and there, but overall beginning to go soft inside you. You feel the flood of cum beginning to leak around it, but you don’t care right now, no. 

Right now you are studying Seokjin and perhaps doing what he was doing to you before: memorizing everything about him in case it’s the only time you’ll see him this way. Any minute, he could decide this is a huge mistake, and he’ll flee out the door apologizing. But for the moment, you are studying the moles and freckles that dot along his neck and back, counting them so you can commit the number to memory.  

“What are you staring at me for?” He asks, though his eyes remain closed. 

“I’m just thinking,” you say. 

His eyes flit open. “You don’t regret it, do you?” 

“Not at all, I just…I’m thinking about where we go from here. I don’t want this to be the only time.” You shake your head and smile shyly. Everything feels so tender right now. But you know honesty is needed more than anything. 

Seokjin shifts, and you hiss a little as you feel him slip out of you, wetness dribbling onto your sheets. You’ll definitely have to wash these tomorrow. 

“It doesn’t have to be a one time thing if you don’t want it to be. Like I said before; I like you, I want to date you.” 

“We kind of skipped the first date and had sex instead though,” you chuckle and Seokjin rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, well, we aren’t really playing things by the book right now anyway. This can be our first date.”

“It’s not though! We didn’t go on a date, we just talked and had sex.”

“Yah! It was not just sex. It was great sex! I think that counts for something. Do dates require any more?” 

“Usually eating something, leaving the house. Two things we’ve failed to do.”

Seokjin suddenly rolls away, standing and searching for his clothes, gathering them in his hands. 

“Where are you going?” You ask, shifting yourself up in the bed. 

“Get dressed,” Seokjin says, pulling his slacks up his waist. “We are going out to eat.” 

“It’s 4am! Isn’t everything closed?” 

“Not the convenience store. We are going to solidify this as a date by having post-sex 4am ramyeon and kimbap and maybe some dessert. And then I will walk you to your door, kiss you goodnight and you’ll invite me in to hang out. Then we’ll have sex again until you kick me out and decide the first date is over.” 

He reaches into the pile of laundry in the corner, grabbing your bra and tosses it to you. As you begin to pull it over your body, you notice Seokjin has frozen over another pile of your strewn laundry. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, latching the hooks into place. 

He shifts a little, pulling whatever he was looking at from the pile. Embarrassment floods through your stomach as you realize what he’s holding. 

“Do you normally toss your vibrators into your laundry or is today my lucky day?” 

He holds the purple clitoral vibrator in front of you and you hide your face behind your hands. “Ahh no! This is so embarrassing!” 

Seokjin laughs and walks over, pulling your hands from your face. “What about this is embarrassing? First, you stream raunchy pornographic games sometimes to thousands of strangers. And second, I just spent a good chunk of this last blissful hour with my mouth serving as your personal sex toy.” 

“I know, it’s just that. This is different somehow. Like now you know!”

“Know what? That you masturbate? Well, yeah I kind of figured you did. Do you think I don’t?”

“I know you do.” 

“How?”

Shit. You can’t tell him you’ve seen him do it on his channel. “Um, well, you said so earlier you do.” Seokjin chuckles and then begins rifling through your dresser across from your bed, grabbing you a fresh pair of panties since he destroyed the last pair you were wearing. 

“Touché. But anyway, it’s good that you masturbate. It’s healthy. And also, it’s none of my business if you do or don’t. Unless you want to show me sometime, which I would beg to see, whatever you choose to do when I’m not around is your business.” 

He gathers together a large, baggy t-shirt and some joggers from your closet. “One sec,” he says, telling you to pause as you begin to maneuver into your panties, the stickiness of your combined arousal beginning to dry between your legs in an uncomfortable way. 

He returns a few seconds later with a damp washcloth and instructs you to lie back, opening your legs slightly to wipe away the mess.

“You don’t have to do this,” you insist but Seokjin continues anyway. 

“I know, I want to. I want to make sure you receive proper aftercare.” When he finishes, he kisses your kneecap. “Okay, let’s go.”

You groan, fully content to just lie in bed, but your stomach says otherwise. It ekes out a deep gurgle and Seokjin smiles smugly. 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll use the bathroom and get dressed. But just know if they don’t have the ramyeon I like there, I’m making you drive around town until we find it.” You flop out of bed with your pile of fresh laundry and head out of the bedroom toward the bathroom. 

“Sounds great,” he calls behind you. “Sounds like the perfect first date.”

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[sciderman]

im so happy for you that you have a possible reason/cause for your brain itch!!!! i hope the tumor removal goes superduper smoothly. Do they know how long its been present/growing???????? how did you find out??? <- you obviously do not have to answer these personal medical questions lmao im just!!!! so curious and excited for you.

from what i've discussed with the docs it's been there for a LONG time... they say this sort of thing might take up to a decade to develop - it doesn't happen overnight!

i think i started noticing symptoms about maybe... 7 years ago? literally as soon as i started working full-time, maybe. my first job stressed me out so much and i cried underneath the tables at 8pm because i couldn't leave the office, i still had so much to do. i was leading up an entire ass animation department at 20 years old. bad. awful. that's when i started depending on things to get me through the day. my body started feeling awful. i thought it was anxiety, or me just being weak, i guess. i don't know if stress created the tumor, or the tumor created the stress - (well, it's the latter now) i think it's probably both, but all the research i've done and what the doctors have said is that there's just - some people with a genetic predisposition for it.

it's funny - i never miss a deadline, and i'm really really good at my job, always. i never let anyone down, ever, at the cost of my own sanity, and i seem to always, always have it put-together when i'm dealing with people - i have the constant consensus from everybody around me that i'm the most cheerful person to work with on this here planet earth - but apparently, my body was falling apart underneath it all - which i failed to recognise, because outwardly i was holding it together so well, and figured it was just normal to cry all the time when nobody was looking.

i started really noticing it after taking on a lot of freelance work on top of my day job – i was really doing very hot, and did these amazing projects for some really amazing clients who sought me out for being amazing (i am amazing) - but naturally, had consecutive nights of no sleep, and quick deadlines - and INVOICING... screams. and just, realised - after taking those jobs that - my heart did not stop pumping afterwards. my heart was still racing a mile a minute, even after all those jobs were done and dusted and ever-so-loved and appreciated by very happy clients. my heart. wouldn't. stop.

i figured it was MAJOR anxiety, and sought out some counselling sessions, hoping they'd help. i relayed my woes. i said i'm worried i'm not resting enough. i'm not sleeping enough. my heart rate won't go down. they said "oh. not everybody needs 8 hours sleep, don't worry about it. everyone's different." - for some reason that reassured me. i thought it was okay. okay. i don't need rest. maybe my body's just different and doesn't need rest. maybe that's why i wake up at 6am every morning without fail. i just don't need sleep, i guess. (bad advice.)

so – everyone is telling me i'm okay. i should just get on. you're barely sleeping? that's fine, you probably don't need it. your heart is pumping? that's healthy. your heart SHOULD pump, idiot. get back to work.

i felt very unhappy at work - i felt like i was stagnating - so i moved job, last year. i moved job to one that was so, so much more fast-paced. i thought the excitement and change would do me good - but i've been facing maybe - 3 deadlines a day? vs my previous one-deadline-a-month arrangement. and i think it broke me. i needed to depend on so many unhealthy habits to get me through the day. i needed like 6 energy drinks, 3 coffees, i'd have the shakes, i'd have the jitters, i'd feel like i was going to fall apart every single day.

and then, one day, i did.

one week last year i doubled over - my body was in so much pain that i couldn't sleep, i couldn't eat, and worst off - i couldn't work. it was the first time i'd taken sick leave - i couldn't function. after being on antibiotics that didn't work, i eventually went into the emergency room because i just couldn't sleep. i couldn't do anything. i didn't care if they put me down, i wanted the pain to end.

she was a kidney stone. her name was sharon (sharon stone) - i suspect it was all the energy drinks that made her. i've dealt with her now. but during the process, the doc pulled me aside, and he said "dear. do you have any pain in your other kidney?"

i said... no............... why?

doc said "ah. problem for another time."

so, once sharon was dealt with, obviously i had to chase up on that doctor's ominous warning. i said "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OTHER KIDNEY!!"

you have a tumor, dear. his name is lamar. he's on your right adrenal gland, and we suspect he's messing up all your hormones.

i did my own research, and turns out all these crazy, mysterious symptoms i've been having all line up - so i chased, and chased, and chased.

the doctors didn't take me seriously at first. because i guess i'm not in pain, and i handle it so well. i'm still so strong. i'm a fighter, i guess. whatever. but, turns out...

it's worth it to chase. your life might depend on it. i'm so glad i did, because there's an end to my suffering (dear god, i hope) - but, guys, if your heart won't slow, and you chronically can't relax, and you feel like there are bees in your brain - that's the time to do some research. it isn't normal, actually. and sure - it might not be a tumor, but - kid, you need some support. you need some help. you need to ask some questions. it's not okay for that to be your baseline. your body needs to rest. it needs to rest. even if i have to force it to. it has to rest.

right now i'm in a major stressed way, and i broke down and cried. i'm in the middle of a freelance job, and in the middle of an interviewing process for a new full-time job, and still working my current full-time job with 3 deadlines a day, and my surgery is next week. and i feel like crying. all the time.

i can't wait for rest. i hate that i literally have to be hospitalised to get it. but, i'll get it. i'm going to rest so fucking hard.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #9 (part one)

previous // next // story index

__________

Yuri

Hello, everyone. Yuri here.

The past few days haven’t been the easiest, and I’m not feeling well, but Victor’s home with me now and that makes everything more bearable. I’m exhausted, but I’m happy because I’m no longer on my own. It’s amazing what a difference it makes when you know you’re not alone.

A lot has happened since the last time I added anything to our journal, and It’s hard to believe that was only a little over a week ago. I suppose the most logical place to start this tale is with what happened before Victor got home. For that, I actually need to go back and explain to you about yesterday and the day before. That’s where this awful story really begins. You may be relieved to know that it does have a happier ending than beginning, but I’ll get to that.

You remember I told you that Victor’s mother is coming here? Well, Dr. Nelson telling me that she’s planning to pay us an extended visit isn’t the only unexpected announcement I’ve received, and if I thought the idea of Victor’s mother imminently landing on our doorstep was the most stressful thing I’d have to face this week, I would’ve been wrong. The events of yesterday and the day before topped that a hundredfold.

The day before yesterday, I’d just been going about my business in the evening, putting in a load of laundry and mentally weighing my options for dinner, when our landlady, Mrs. Ito, showed up. She’s not the type to make social calls, so I had no idea why she’d come over. I’d already paid our rent and given her the invoice from the repair service we’d hired to fix our oven. She had no other reason to be there as far as I knew.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on one’s perspective, It didn’t take her long to come to the point. In an utterly matter of fact tone, she informed me that she’s planning to sell the house. She wants to start renovating it as soon as possible, and so Victor and I have to move out by the beginning of next month.

Needless to say, I was stunned by the news. I’ve been living in this house for four years, and it’s become more of a home to me than my family home was. It’s a modest house in a less desirable part of town and admittedly needs some repairs, but it’s cozy and it’s affordable, and I’m comfortable in it. The thought of losing the house I’d found and rented by myself with no help from my parents – the home I’ve made my own and now share with my soulmate – filled me with a mixture of heartache, trepidation and fear. Mrs. Ito must’ve seen the emotion on my face, but she didn’t seem the least bit apologetic when she said she was sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

To say I was concerned about this development would be an understatement. I panicked. I didn’t know two days ago, and I still don’t know how we’ll manage a move on such short notice or how we’re going to find somewhere else to live that we can afford. Matsumori isn’t the most budget-friendly town in our country when it comes to housing, and we’re currently a one-income household. Victor doesn’t have a full-time job at the moment. He’s going to look for one now that he’s back, but that doesn’t help us in the short term.

Why couldn’t Mrs. Ito have put this off for one more day? I wondered.

If she would’ve told us about this last night instead of Thursday night, Victor would’ve been here. To be fair, he’d probably have been panicking way more than I was, but at least we’d have heard about it together and we could’ve leaned on each other for support in the first moments after finding out.

I debated whether or not I should tell Victor about our now precarious housing arrangements during our nightly call. He’d be bursting to share everything about his last full day on Kainani Island and he'd be excited about the flight back, and I didn’t want to kill his enthusiasm by dropping something like this on him. Besides, there would be nothing he could do to help me with the situation between then and when he got home in any case, so I concluded it’d be best to wait.

After Mrs. Ito left, I sat at the kitchen table for a long time, staring at my untouched food. I hadn’t been hungry to begin with and I only had the goal of consuming a meal because I knew I was supposed to, but after Mrs. Ito’s bombshell announcement, there was no way I could make myself eat. It was too much of an effort; one I had neither the energy nor the motivation for. I covered the bowl of rice and vegetables, and put it into the fridge. Then, I made myself a mug of ginger tea and curled up with it on the sofa, hoping that the hot liquid would help settle my rebellious, painful stomach, even if it didn’t soothe my mind.

Please don’t let this be the start of a serious flare-up, I thought. Now would be the absolute worst time for me to be ill. I don’t need any extra problems.

The tea did not help. I couldn’t even finish it. I held the mug in my hands until it grew cold, wishing it had been a magical solution to everything that was bad about that day.

My mind raced with every possible worst-case scenario. I pictured us couch surfing at Takahiro and Seiji’s place, or possibly sleeping at the youth hostel for an uncomfortably long period of time. Neither of those was pleasant to contemplate, but the possibility that really frightened me was that Victor and I might be separated. I recoiled at the idea that he might have to go back to his country. If our housing situation was unstable for too long, it might have an effect on his immigration process, which was almost completed. We were so close to the point where he’d have permanent residence here, and I was already legitimately terrified that something would go wrong with it. I was certain I couldn’t bear it if he had to leave me, and the worst part was that it’d all be totally beyond our control.

Huddled on the sofa, miserable and scared, I felt completely lost and alone.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and began to dial a number from memory. My mother’s line rang several times, but she didn’t answer. It went through to voicemail instead. Just to hear the sound of her voice, I listened to the entirety of her voicemail greeting before I hung up.

Then I dialled another number.

In retrospect, I have no idea why I did it. I don’t know what I was thinking, to have even the slightest confidence that it’d be a good idea. But I suppose we all feel the pull of family in difficult times, even if our families aren’t the best source of support. Families are supposed to love us, and I expect we all live in hope, even just a little.

I regretted my actions almost instantly after my father’s line stopped ringing and I heard his voice.

“Kenji Okamoto here.” His tone was abrupt, irritated.

I fought the urge to hang up immediately, and took a steadying breath. “Papa, it’s Yuri.”

There was no greeting, no asking me how I was doing. It was just, “I’m busy, Yuri. What do you need?”

“I… don’t know,” I said, because all of a sudden I really didn’t. I might’ve been lonely and worried, but I would much rather have suffered in solitude than to face my father’s judgment. If Mama had answered her phone, I would’ve been able to tell her how I was feeling and she would’ve offered some empathy, but I wasn’t labouring under any false belief that my father would demonstrate either empathy or understanding.

Since feelings weren’t something he’d be interested in hearing about, I opted to be direct. “Victor and I have to move out of our house.”

“Why?” my father asked.

“The landlady is selling it.”

“Well,” he said. “Interesting. That might be a blessing in disguise.”

“What?” I blurted, caught off guard by his reaction. He almost seemed pleased about it.

“If you have to move out, then that man you’re living with can go back to whichever country he came from and you can come home so your mother can look after you properly.”

“That man I’m living with is my soulmate,” I said. “His name is Victor, and he looks after me.”

“I know his name. Does he have a job yet?”

“No, but—”

“Then, he’s not looking after you, is he?”

“Everything in life isn’t about money, you know,” I said. “Caring for someone isn’t all about what kind of financial contribution they make.”

My father made a derisive noise. “He’s not appropriate for you. There are plenty of acceptable people from here that you could be with. You didn’t need to take up with that foreigner, just to prove a point,” he said. “And if it’s not about money, why are you calling? If that man wasted less time on the mountain and spent more time doing something to help provide for you, I doubt you’d even be speaking to me right now.”

“I’m not asking you for money,” I told him. “And you don’t get to decide whether Victor is appropriate for me or not.“

"If you aren’t asking for money, then let me get back to my original question. What do you need?”

My composure was slipping, but I was absolutely desperate not to cry. I promised myself long ago that I would never let my father see or hear me cry again. I curled my free hand into a fist, digging the tips of my nails into the flesh of my palm and clenching my fingers so hard that they cramped. The pain helped me focus on something other than the huge knot in my stomach and the fierce burn of tears behind my eyes.

“I just needed to know that my family cares about me.” My voice was weak, even to myself. “I wanted to know that there’s someone I can rely on when I need help.”

“I care about you,” he said. He sounded offended. “I said you can come home, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but—"

"You’re more than welcome to come home and live with us, but you’re not to bring that foreigner into our house.”

That was the point at which I could no longer hold onto my self-control. “Stop referring to him like that! He has a name!”

“Fine,” said my father. “You may stay here without Victor. And I’ll thank you not to use that disrespectful tone with me in future, Yuri. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” I said. “Now, I hope you understand what I’m about to say to you. I called you because I thought, for once, you’d offer to do something to make life easier for me instead of more difficult, but I guess that was a mistake on my part, wasn’t it?”

“You know, your life wouldn’t be so difficult if you’d go about it more sensibly,” he declared.

“If I’d do everything you want me to, you mean,” I retorted.

“It’s easier to swim with the current than against it.”

“Well, maybe I don’t like the direction this particular river is flowing,” I said. “Thank you for the offer to let me come home, but I don’t want to live with you. I’m not interested in living anywhere Victor isn’t wanted, and I’m not accepting help that has conditions attached to it. I’m your son. This isn’t how it’s meant to go.”

“Yes, you are my son and I’m willing to fully support you, which is my duty as your parent. I have no obligation and no intention to support your… What did you call him? Your soulmate? Ridiculous.”

“There’s nothing ridiculous about my relationship with Victor. It’s a real relationship, and we belong together, whether you approve or not.”

“I don’t approve,” my father stated. “And I’m sorry if you feel that my refusal to provide for someone who should be providing for himself is a condition, but I see no sense in throwing my money at a lazy, freeloading foreigner. He’s already taken advantage of you. He will not be doing that to me and your mother.”

“Fine,” I said, my voice shaking with the effort to give the impression of calm. “You’ve made yourself perfectly clear. I suppose this means we’re done.”

“If you refuse to see reason, I suppose it does, but you’re free to call me again if you change your mind.”

There were a million furious replies in my brain, all competing to leave my mouth at once. I wanted to yell at my father, to act out every bit of anger and resentment and frustration he’d ever caused me to feel. But, of course I didn’t do it. There wouldn’t have been any point. It wouldn’t have made one bit of difference and the only result would’ve been that he’d say I was behaving like a spoiled child.

My father, Kenji Okamoto, isn’t the most easygoing person at the best of times. He’s an exacting man who demands nothing less than his vision of perfection from those around him. Being unable to meet his expectations is not a position anyone wants to find themselves in. Trust me. I’ve been living in that shadow for the past twenty-four years.

Of all the people in my father’s life, I think I disappoint him the most. What he wanted was a strong, capable and outgoing son who would marry a socially acceptable woman, give him grandchildren, and some day take over the leadership of our family’s internationally successful electronics company. What he got was me, a frail, introverted boy who’d rather spend time with his violin and his books than with most people, and who has no interest whatsoever in managing an organization that sells overpriced televisions and mobile phones to customers in other countries. He thinks that my job is insignificant, that my friends are irresponsible and shiftless, and that my hobbies are a waste of time. Worst of all, he despises my sweet, beautiful Victor.

Of everything my father has ever said or done to hurt me, the fact that he dislikes and disapproves of Victor hurts me most of all.

Victor makes me happy. He completes me, protects me, and treats me like I’m the most precious treasure in the world. He doesn’t see a timid, ill boy who needs constant care and supervision, like my family sees when they look at me. They think I’m weak and that I can’t manage my own life.

Victor says I’m delicate, but not to demean me in the way my father would if he said it. To Victor, delicacy isn’t the opposite of strength. He says I remind him of the maple saplings along the river in his hometown; they may look fragile and they may bend, but they rarely break even in the worst storms.

I was wretchedly unhappy before Victor came into my life. Although I had friends and a job and things I liked to do for fun, I still felt unwanted and unfulfilled. I needed the close human connection that I should’ve had with my family, and I needed to feel like I was important to somebody. My desperate wish was for someone – anyone – to look at me and tell me that I mattered. And then there was Victor, a complete stranger on the internet who saw me and found something in me that no one else ever had before.

Victor and I met four and a half years ago in an online group for snowboarding enthusiasts. Little did I suspect that a random comment on a photo would permanently alter the trajectory of my life.

I’d posted a picture of myself on the mountain that my friend Takahiro had taken, and Victor replied to it with a purple heart emoji and “You’re cute!” As you might imagine, that wasn’t the sort of response I’d expected, especially not for a weird photo of me jokingly clutching my snowboard against me like a lover, my hair sticking up crazily and my face pink from the cold. I was put off by the forwardness of it at first, but when I discovered a private message with a lengthy introduction from him the next day, I couldn’t help being intrigued.

We chatted every day after that, only through private messages on the website at first, but we quickly progressed to texts, phone calls and video chats. Then, nearly seventeen months ago, he moved here. I couldn’t possibly have been more thrilled when I understood that he intended to stay with me permanently.

I wish my father would try to understand how Victor and I care for each other, and how much our relationship means to both of us. I love Victor more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and he’s helped open up my world in ways I could never have imagined. I want my family to get to know the person I know. I want them to see the person who embraces everyone he meets as if they were never strangers, the one who isn’t afraid to try new things and encourages me to step past the barriers of my own fear, the impulsive, adventurous, affectionate and compassionate man who loves me unconditionally.

Victor has never done anything to disrespect my father or anyone else in my family. He’s tried his best to be courteous and kind, but it doesn’t seem to matter. My father can’t see past Victor’s differences from us, nor does he seem willing to overcome his prejudices. To him, Victor will always be an outsider, never belonging, a foreigner who should go back to where he came from.

I didn’t say goodbye to my father when our conversation was over. I lowered my phone and quietly pressed the ‘end call’ button.

On the verge of tears, the only other person I could think to call was Dr. Nelson, thousands of kilometres away. I didn’t know what she’d be doing or whether it’d be okay to interrupt her, but the last time we talked, she’d said I could call her if I needed anything. She may not have anticipated that I’d take her up on it so soon, but I really didn’t know who else I could turn to.

When she answered, she sounded as bright as always. “Grace Nelson speaking.”

“Dr. Nelson? It’s Yuri.”

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said. “What a surprise, getting two calls from you within a week! Everything all right?”

“No. I… I need…” But I couldn’t make it any further than that. The genuine concern and love in her voice when she asked if everything was okay was so vastly different from what I’d just experienced with my father, the emotional impact of it was too much for me. I couldn’t keep myself together any longer. Without really wanting to, but completely unable to stop myself, I started crying.

I needed to tell her why I was calling, but my attempts to get the whole story out only resulted in me stumbling over my words, gasping out incoherent sentences in the ragged breaths between sobs.

“Yuri!” Dr. Nelson’s tone was firm but kind. “I can’t understand you, sweetheart. I need you to speak English and slow down, okay? Can you do that for me?

I struggled to get my breathing evened out, which was no easy feat, but I was eventually able to reach a point where I could talk almost normally again. “I... I’m sorry.”

“Are you okay? And Victor?”

“Y-yes. Victor’s fine. He’s coming home tomorrow,” I said. “It’s something else. We need help, and my father was being completely unreasonable, and… and I don’t know what to do.”

“Tell me,” Dr. Nelson said gently. "Take your time.”

I told her the whole thing, about Mrs. Ito’s visit and about my conversation with my father, and my fears about what would happen to Victor and me. I felt awful about burdening her with it. I finished with, “With everything that’s happening, I don’t think you’ll be able to come visit us now. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” she said. “Of course I’m still coming. By the sound of things, the two of you are going to need me there more than ever.”

"But I don’t even know where Victor and I are going to stay after this, and I don’t want to trouble you.”

"Sweetheart, don’t you even think of worrying about that. Taking care of you and Victor isn’t any trouble to me, and I was planning to come anyway, wasn’t I? I’ll stay with you where you are right now, as long as we can, and then we’ll all stay together in your new home. Our visit might look a bit different than we’d planned, but that’s okay.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You’ve already said thank you. That’s enough. I’ll help you pack and arrange everything, and if you need a little extra money, I don’t mind helping you with that.”

Strangely, the idea of accepting money from Victor’s mother didn’t make me feel the same way my father’s offer of support had. Gratefully, I said, “I appreciate your help, and I’m sure Victor will too.”

“I’m the mom,” she said. “Helping my boys when they need me is what I do. It’s the only proper thing.”

My boys. I hadn’t missed the way Grace Nelson had included me, as if I were equal to Victor as her son. I wondered how it was possible that a woman from another country, who I’d never met face-to-face, could love me and care about me more than my own family did.

“Thank you so much,” I said, because I could think of nothing more adequate.

“When Victor gets home, give him a cuddle from me and tell him I’ll see him soon,” she said. “Try not to upset yourself too much over this. For the next little while, you’ll need all your strength.”

“Okay,” I said.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she promised. “Don't worry. Everything’ll be all right.”