#bare minimum johnny stans
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silverusso · 1 year ago
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Totally agree they screwed over Mike Barnes and he totally should have won that fight against Lawrence. I wish we got more of Mike Barnes, I was disappointed that he only got one episode and they didn't do him justice.
Lawrence can dish out insults but he can't take it.
Lawrence relationship with Devon is weird. She was so whiny and entitled that she sabotaged Kenny, she shouldn't be going to the tournament.
They did the bare minimum with Mike and not just in terms of screentime, but everything. He had so much potential and the best they could come up with for the guy known as "Karate's Bad Boy" and "Tournament Terror" was he gets banned from karate and becomes a furniture store salesman. Meanwhile now they're allegedly trying to cook up an edgy backstory for Mr. Miyagi of all people.
Not to mention that all he got was a short fight with Chozen that ended in sort of a stalemate by via of Daniel interfering. An even shorter confrontation with Silver, that resulted in him getting knocked unconscious and waking up at the very end of the fight/episode. And now this fight that was literally just meant to be a Johnny stans circle jerk.
And yeah that whole dynamic with Johnny and Devon was so random and practically came out of nowhere. And her whining over "Substitute Sensei" not noticing her was really ridiculous. He literally put her through to the next round and she still bitched about it. He had like 50 other kids to keep track of btw you obtuse child. Like Sensei like student I guess. The ONLY good thing we got from this episode was Mike in that black & red gi because the whole training storyline was peak jackassery.
no context spoiler:
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This show should have been a wattpad fanfic fr.
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jsuh · 6 years ago
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bklyn boy johnny (feat. doyoung)
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the-empress-7 · 4 years ago
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I mean y’all see how Johnny Depp can lose out against the trial he had for the Sun’s ‘wife beater’ allegation even with Amber doing the bare minimum and lying...... same shit for Meghan. I feel like UK judges are not as harsh towards women unlike the press. But at the end of the day public opinion wins - People still supported Johnny, Hated Amber. Meghan’s true behaviour came out - sis purportedly have a journal writing down what perceived slight people did against her which went into FF, lied, threw everyone under the bus, still doesn’t have the respect of the public and Hollywood is still ‘meh... we have other A list to attend to’ towards her.
I don’t know bout you but we’re actually trying to wonder why it’s unfair that certain rich people we ‘Stan’ are not getting justice aka Johnny Depp and why some rich people get away with it aka Amber/Meghan. Made me realise that we’re so involved with those well off celebs/public figure who deals with things completely diffferent than us yet we’re complaining why some of them are not getting punished etc etc. Operative word - rich. What a world we live in.
Rich. Privileged. 
Different sides. Same coin.
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soooldout · 5 years ago
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Although this is the bare minimum - using your platform to raise awareness of blm movement and other movements...I’m glad some celebrities are speaking up. (I really don’t follow western artists much anymore so focusing on the korean ones I do follow) Some that have posted about the issue are Tablo, Crush, Dean, Jay Park, H1ghr Music, BTOB Peniel, Eric Nam, Girls Generation Tiffany, Jessi, DPR Live, Hoya, Day6 Jae, Got7 Mark, BAP Zelo and Jongup, 2NE1 Minzy and CL, Tiger JK, KARD BM and Somin, Red Velvet Yeri, Dreamcatcher Dami, Momoland, Wonder Girls Yubin, Taeyang, EXID LE, Nine Muses Sojin, CLC Sorn, Nct Johnny, Alexa, 2Z. I’m sure there are more.
Just want to say keep tweeting or mentioning the artists you stan to talk about this and especially to post the donation/info links. In Korean. Some of them post a pic but no link or any further info. This is not a competition or a show-off event about who donates how much, they can do so quietly for sure....there are celebrities/artists with huge followings and they should be using their platform right now for this...to spread the information and motivate fans/others to do the same. Some of them have fansites that spend thousands of dollars a year - imagine if they spent money and effort on this movement. 
Racism and police brutality are not just American issues.
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sluttyten · 5 years ago
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I hate to sound like a negative nancy but i know my black ass did not go to protests, get teargassed, detained, and shot at with rubber bullets, just to have stans call ten, johnny, and yeri 'the real heros of the movement'. No! Thats so disrespectful to people who put their lives on the line and protest for justice. I dont think of myself as a hero, i think of organizers, activists, people on the front lines, as heroes. Its gr8 theyre speaking up abt it but they just posted some pics on insta
I know right, like I’ve seen people kinda praising Mark, Jae, Amber, Yeri, Johnny, and a few other idols or other Korean artists for what they’re saying but like..... it’s great and all to see their support for it, but literally all Johnny posted was a black square and said like “be safe I see you and support you” which to me kinda felt like the bare minimum and definitely doesn’t put them anywhere near the range of heroes of the movement. Just taking a look at these videos and everything I’ve seen people posting from the protests shows many heroes, like especially those individuals who are providing medical aid to other protesters
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honey-subs · 5 years ago
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being black in general is tiring,, like i remember when johnny made his blackout tuesday post i literally cried but now thinking back on it... i’m getting emotional for the absolute bare minimum bc i’m so used to being dragged through the mud for being a black woman and seeing ppl not be racist is almost like paradise which it isn’t. i did find comfort through my poc friends so pls remember to not internalize your pain, talk about it w ppl who will understand. take care
i most definitely agree. i get emotional sometimes over the little things too, and realize i shouldn’t have to. people doing the bare minimum by not being a piece of shit shouldn’t make me as emotional as it does. black people are so used to be dragged through the mud by society and social media that whenever someone shows the slightest human decency, we’re thanking them profusely and we shouldn’t have to.
being a black stan is just as tiring because non poc kpop stans continue to put us down, and invalidate our problems as if they matter less than theirs.
thank you for this, i don’t really know any irl black people like me who also share a liking for kpop, but i do have multiple black friends who also understand of being black in 2020.
i’m sorry for this rant, by the way. thank you. 💛
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youdidwelljonghyun · 5 years ago
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I haven’t been using this app much since I joined stan twit but I need to speak on this bc it’s important:
NCT, Exo, Taemin and SM Entertainment on a whole are a fucking disappointment. BLM has been the number one topic on social media across the world for about a week now. I’ve seen countless Korean artistes speak up in support. I’ve seen artistes post their donations. I’ve seen BM go on insta live and discuss his experiences with cops and how black people have to live in fear despite being innocent. I’ve seen Crush talk about how Korean pop music is built on black culture & there would be no Kpop, kr&b or khiphop without black culture. Ive seen Got7’s mark donate $7000 to the cause. I’ve seen a 2 month old rookie group’s member get all her socials deleted because she had the balls and the decency to support BLM on her platform. I’ve seen KBS in America covering the riots. I’ve seen Korean civilans speak up about BLM, supporting and explaining the situation in both Korean and English, I’ve seen Yeri post in support on her Instagram.
AND YET. NCTzens had to BEG, and when I say B E G. We were flooding 127’s twitter mentions, lysn and Instagram BEGGiNG them to post in support of BLM, just so they could use their platform to influence followers to support. For DAYS. We had to beg these men who: 3 of them lived in the US for extended periods, one is FROM CHICAGO where much of the rioting is taking place. They are ALWAYS talking about how they’re a global group. 127 has toured across the US multiple times. They regularly interact with international fans. Their intl fanbase has likely made them more revenue than their Korean fanbase. In fact, I’d argue that 127’s current level of popularity is mostly due to their American fans, & I’m not even American. Just last week we rallied together for DAYS to defend Jaehyun from those disgusting Kfans. Yet they only responded after over 24 hours of begging them, and when they did, ONE member posted something without even including a donation link or saying anything truly substantial... the member that is literally American. His post was basically a “fine, here it is since you won’t stop bugging me about this!”. I saw many fans begging them to “open their purses” and show how much they donated, which I don’t think is necessary— but at LEAST POST A GODDAMN DONATION LINK. Do you know how many fans would mirror your actions? Even with the lame post Johnny made, countless fans were asking where they can donate. Do you SEE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO USE YOUR PLATFORM?? Then Ten posted that random black square. No caption, no nothing. Anyone who doesn’t know about BLM won’t know what the fuck it’s for. I saw comments asking what it was about and making jokes. I am so fucking disappointed in these men for doing the bare minimum when they have a massive platform, they have received support from thousands of black fans and they make a huge chunk of their money off of American tours, NOT TO MENTION black music is the blueprint for Kpop. They always talk about what black artiste’s music they love, but they are damn near fucking silent about the innocent black people being murdered worldwide.
Exo is a fucking joke. Kai, Chanyeol Baekhyun and Sehun regularly post on their socials— kai did a live a few days ago, Chanyeol has posted several NNG videos, Baek has been doing lives/menpas and yet neither of them can be assed to say oh, btw black lives matter and here’s a donation link so u can help support too. Lay has also been promoting constantly, he’s had a comeback and dropped an MV a few days ago, and yet???
They may have very well donated in private— I acknowledge that. But they could do SO MUCH for the black community by simply making a post in support with a donation link, that would cost them literally nothing. So why haven’t they done so?? They must not care enough to— because trust me, fans have been asking. Exo and NCT’s lysn board have been spammed with fans begging for support, giving them donation links to share and explaining the situation. I feel a little entitled, demanding anything from someone I don’t personally know, but then I realize that it would take almost no effort on their part, and that they would be giving back to the very community that allowed kpop’s very existence, not to mention supporting their millions of black fans around the world. I see many people saying that this is an “American issue” and “no one asks celebrities to donate when other people are suffering”. If you think that is an excuse then you are a part of the problem. 1. Black people exist all over the world, they are discriminated against and brutalized worldwide. 2. I have seen Americans lobbying and pushing for global causes countless times on social media. Just the other day American Kpop fans helped trend the Nth room case, translating articles and spreading awareness. I was one of those fans.
As for SM Entertainment, the company that likely employs more black producers than any other in Korea, they have 100% ignored the BLM movement on ALL platforms; they have done NOTHING. Monsta X, Ateez and BTS have all officially posted on their group accounts that they stand with BLM and they support the cause, yet SM cannot be assed to do a goddamn thing except exploit black culture and use Americans as ATM machines. I heard they were sending TEXTS to American fans about a COMEBACK (or something??) in the midst of all the rioting. The funny thing is, it’s a pattern— SM never gives a flying fuck about American fans. All they do is coddle kfans and indulge in their delusional fantasies, making Jaehyun write a fucking apology letter for eating some food because kfans threw a tantrum and placating kfans when they got salty about Superhuman promotions. WHERE EVEN IS SUPER M??? THE GROUP THAT LITERALLT DEBUTED IN THE US LMFAOOOOO. LITERAL SILENCE.
I just made this post to say that I, as a black fan, can’t continue to go out on a limb for, to stan, to defend and trend hashtags for, to leave encouraging lysn messages for, artistes who don’t give enough of a fuck that my people are dying to make a genuinely supportive post with a donation link. That is THE BARE MINIMUM. We aren’t asking them to go out on the streets and protest. I cannot do it anymore. As a black fan, there have always been things we have to speak out about more than any other fan group, there have always been things we’ve had to overlook. But I’m fucking done with this shit. I’m done streaming and voting and watching their videos. They don’t deserve my support one bit. I see their pictures on my timeline and I just feel empty— I mean, they really don’t give a fuck about us at all. Lots of times we’ve reconciled with the fact that Korea as a whole is pretty racist towards black people, but we think the best of our favs and assume that because they have so many black fans they must feel differently and have more of an open mind— HA. And I was never the fan who expected that idols love us as much as we love them, but for you to sit there and profit from our culture and our support, but be unable to open your mouths or make a single Instagram post when we’re being killed...
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jenomark · 5 years ago
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Previous Mark’s arm bare minimum stan anon here. Speaking of arms, Johnny’s arms are thicc and smooth looking??? And I wanna munch and gnaw on them??? Some good meat right there (I think I have some weird biting fixation)
Oddly, you are not the first person that has told me they want to munch on a body part of Johnny’s. 😂😂😂😂
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suhjohnjun · 6 years ago
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that jcc of johnny and haechan taking a muay thai class really called me a bare minimum johnny stan and it's absolutely correct
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hellsbellschime · 6 years ago
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Honestly this AH and JD stuff is freaking insane and people’s reactions are nauseating. I know someone who’s like maybe they were both abusive to each other. But like the posts I’m seeing? People calling AH a liar, raging that she ruined JDs career, she’s horrible because now other abuse victims won’t come forward—I can’t help but think that they don’t care about abuse victims they just want to be able to say that their “fave” was right. people were just looking for an excuse to call her a liar.
Hard agree on that one, some people flipped the script on her so fast it’s giving me whiplash. Being abused and being an abuser are not mutually exclusive, but considering the idea that AH may have been physically violent towards JD does not require that anything she said before about what he did to be untrue. I wish I could say I was surprised but I’m not, the only thing that has sincerely bummed me out is that I have seen more than one person that I follow reblog the “Johnny Depp is an innocent victim and Amber Heard is a liar who set out to destroy his life”, which sorry, is an automatic unfollow from me. If you can disbelieve a woman who backed up her claims with actual evidence and who’s ex husband ACTUALLY PUBLICLY AGREED TO HER CLAIMS when they settled their divorce then that’s completely insane to me, and only says that you were waiting for even the flimsiest excuse to disbelieve her and stan for him. Stan for a fucking spoiled brat asshole who thinks he’s entitled to millions of dollars for doing the bare minimum and who thinks that he should get away with horrendous behavior because he’s a famous actor.  
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nctsolar-remade · 7 years ago
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idk who sent that ask but like tbh, anyone who says johnny stans are annoying can choke. you think us saying the same things about him not getting lines is annoying? how do you think we feel everytime we hype ourselves up hoping, “oh this time!!! we’ll get to hear his sweet voice,” and then being let down every single fucking time? and you know what the worst part is? when we found out that in chain he had a part worth like 15-25 seconds we were excited. like what the fuck. we got excited over the bare minimum........ like how unnecessarily unfair and annoying is it for US, when we have to watch him continually be humble and not get upset at the people around him. like shut the fuck up and get off your fucking high horse.
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fluffi · 4 years ago
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so should i reply in tiny font or just regular font?
hybe should do better in spreading out the comebacks of the groups under them :/ they're already at a huge advantage, might as well use it strategically. AHA streaming mvs is so convenient for a multi. the filler vids i could use in between could be mvs from the other groups that i stan. also you know what, i still haven't watched a single final performance bc im waiting for a friend to watch with me :D
i have a chinese movie recommendation in case you want something to cry over. i still love its ost and it's been months since i watched it. i'm not sure if you watched it already but more than blue. i've never cried over a movie as much as i cried for that one. the angst *chef's kiss*. i'd do anything to wipe my memory of it and watch it again for the first time.
also sungchan is mc-ing in inkigayo every sunday! and honestly, what the hell is nct hollywood :D but a part of me thinks it's just going to be a bunch of asians living in america like johnny that'll be a part of it. just a hunch tho. imagine having all 4 units coming back in a year with like 1 unit per quarter of the year. i'm not sure if sm even has the money to do this, especially when they filed bankruptcy recently.
and i've seen a lot of twitter memes saying taro's ghosted stans T_T alexa play ghosting by txt T_T sm come on give him smth to do, you're wasting talent.
the mall didn't burn down entirely (like from the outside it looked fine). the ventilation system caught fire so it was more internal—ceilings and all that. covered things with soot(?) and ashes so the entire mall was closed for nearly 2 years. and hey, i've experienced a school fire too back when i was younger. i, too, thought it was nothing but a fire drill until i saw the charred remains of the buildings behind our school : D thankfully, no one died.
the new nct track is for a samsung commercial AHAHA it's funny because nearly everyone uses apple TT_TT and the mv screams neo culture tech tho (well as it should lmao). yes, i was talking about that part in hot sauce but yes, it grew on me too.
ateez really know how to do a performance. they put the standard so high for me when it came to performing. their facial expressions and overall stage presence just impresses me. it's been a while since i've seen idols draw me to them by those standards.
ah, the long stan list! good luck in getting through it and i hope you do have fun as you go :] (also you can check out aurora by ateez and whiplash by tbz. the songs popped up in my head as i was typing this reply, you might like them)
ohhhh, what was the pd48 scandal? i don't watch survival shows so i don't know any of the stuff going on. would you care to elaborate? about their disbandment :(( i hope you're okay now tho! are the other girls still debuting in new groups? anyone eyeing an acting career instead of being an idol?
YES, A PATTERN IN THE BIASES (if you count an analysis of two ppl as a pattern, that is.) because it's the same pattern i have for my biaswreckers :D jake & seungmin, not only do they have the same animal to represent them, they have the same 'golden retriever' type of personality that just makes you go all soft. ygwim ;n; i wish i could elaborate but both boys just devastate me in the same level and my friends pointed out that they were quite similar in some aspects.
jaemin used to send really long bbl messages :< like if there was anything he loved most it was nctzens and it was obv in his messages. speaking of dream, album repackage news today! idk what to feel bc my hot sauce albums haven't even arrived yet :D + i'm dead br0ke.
how do you even manage to read 30k TT__TT i cant handle long fics bc of my attention span :D also, yes, i found the user now, i'll check if i'll like their works soon. <33
YES YOU SHOULDVE BEEN THERE T_T what a day that was. i think seungmin is still sweet and active in bbl. not a single cent goes to waste with him. also i think i'll post the drabble some time this month.
and oml seungmin vs jake :o let's see how that goes O.O XDD
clickity-clackity AHAH do you have a mechanical keyboard? :c i wanted one too but i haven't got around to saving up for one. but yes indeed, typing asmr v relaxing \m/
sunny hyuck day, fullsun sunday, fullsunday T_T feels were very strong that day. i kept seeing edits on my twt tl and i would just s o b : D i've only stanned nct for a year but i've seen him grow so much i just wanted to crie i love him sm :') yk my mom didn't cook spaghetti for my birthday, but she cooked for hyuck's? : D
and i checked ur recs blog and indeed, full of nct T_T
also have i mentioned that your desktop thing amuses me so much HAHAH i got confused for a sec if i had twt opened or tumblr. plus, i've been wanting to mention that i noticed that our mobile themes are opposites. black and red, white and blue. it's cute XDD <3
help, people have been telling me that our asks are long but i highkey love it. i added a ‘keep reading’ for the mobile users though, sorry in advance hh.
honestly, both works. tiny font saves space but regular font does more justice for my poor eyes haha. its your call!
hybe comebacks :( yeah enhypen got lucky because they came back right before cb season so they got three wins (yay)! on the bright side, txt just got their first win and bts has six wins, so it all works out i guess. omg yes, the streaming thing is perfect. i stan like 20 groups so i have a never-ending cycle of filler mvs and its always so helpful. ooh for the final performances - you wont regret watching any of them! literally wild, kingdom's budget and talent are wild.
ooh, I don't watch any cdramas lmao. i want to but i can barely finish kdramas. if its a movie ill watch it! ive never heard of more than blue but ill check it out <3 where can i watch it?
yes yes i have just realized that sungchan is yujin's co-mc! i watched their special stage (which is literally adorable) and was today years old when i realized that the dude is sungchan pls. nct hollywood was so unexpected and i still have mixed feelings about it now. LMAO JUST ASIANS LIVING IN AMERICA...help. that would be interesting (?) but the concept reminds me of those horrendous awesomeness tv shows. lets hope sm pulls this off well and proves me wrong. lmao all 4 units coming back would probably happen, but i hope none of them get overworked :( i constantly feel like mork lee has four clones :'( also...sm filed bankcruptcy??? dang, what happened?
ugh omg yeah shotaros talent is seriously being wasted in the basement right now. as for fires, scary T-T i wasnt that fazed by them until the australia wildfires happened, and i learned about the consequences of fire and got really scared. its good that the entire mall didnt burn down though! although its weird that no one is opening it :( schools really need to tell us the difference between drills though, it might be dangerous for those rebellious kids.
yeah i just realized that the nct track is an endorsement which partly explains why i cant listen to it. the mv's visuals are stunning!! the set and people are so gorgeous aa i cant
oh yeah im not an atiny but i have acknowledged since 2020 that they have one of the best, if not the best stage presence and expressions on stage for 4th gen. i think their only worthy competitor would be stray kids actually. theyre truly one of a kind and all of them are cute especially that yeosang guy. i will definitely check out your song recommendations though!
oof the pd48 scandal is extremely complicated. to condense it in a few statements: all of the girls' rankings have been rigged since the very beginning and it was rumored that they already had their end group before the show even started. it was like this for pf48 and pdx101 (group x1) which was why x1 disbanded within a month of debuting, and izone were on hiatus for like 4 months. im not the best at explaining stuff like this haha, but i think you get it. you can check out yt or search up 'pd48 scandal', a ton of articles and videos. as for new groups, nothing has been made clear yet. theyve only made instagram handles for now and appeared on variety shows haha. as for acting career, hyewon was supposed to do acting but was forced to join pd48 so maybe she'll continue acting afterwards? nothing is confirmed yet!
lmao two similarities, its okay it counts. ah, true, i can see their similarities now that youve mentioned it, as well as how jeno is kind of like that. however, i am currently attached to jaemin so we'll see what happens from there hehe. i swerve easily.
jaemin on bubble grr, that would be a whole experience. from the bare minimum of vidoes ive seen for him wbk jaemin is so whipped for czennies. ah yes repackage! i saw the post on instagram and went to the comments to see everything screaming ‘iM bROke!’ and it was lowkey hilarious lmao. kpop is really trying to suck our money T-T.
ope the longest fic ive read is like...40k words i think? and it was by jeonginks. ill read anything eiko produces lmao, theres always so much substance in her work. ooh, tell me what you think of luvdsc’s stuff, i just finished binging their entire masterlist lmao.
seungmin vs jake yeah, i havent been catching up on skz enha content because im still obsessing over the dreamies but when that saga is over then im going to focus on my ults lmao (which might include dream soon, hehe).
yes yes i have a mechanical bluetooth keyboard that i use to connect to my computer! it literally sounds amazing lmao, its only 10am here but i feel like im going to doze off from the clickity clackitys already. i cant wait for you to get one! tell me when you do, we can match hehe.
hyuck is an aodrable brat please. hes like the best comedian of nct at this point, so hilarious and filled with variety i love him. he rose up my bias list pretty fast too. LMAO YOUR MOM IS SO COOL I LOVE HER ALREADY. if only my mom would cook for my ults’ borndays.
yes my rec blog is a mess right now, ill organize it soon haha.
omg thank you and yes my website theme is one-of-a-kind. even i get confused when i open it or edit it, and i constantly get comments about it. also i just realized our opposing theme colors and i love it! its adorable.
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gossipnetwork-blog · 8 years ago
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Eminem's 'Revival': Track-by-Track Guide to New Album
New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/eminems-revival-track-by-track-guide-to-new-album/
Eminem's 'Revival': Track-by-Track Guide to New Album
Craig McDean
Eminem, the best-selling rapper of all time, returned at midnight with Revival, his first album in four years. The new LP sprawls across 19 tracks, touching on rock, gospel, pop and, of course, hard-bitten hip-hop. Eminem veers from sassy to self-deprecating, dependent to dismissive, murderous to politically conscious, uncontrollably lusty to borderline repentant, sometimes all within the same song. He raps over skeletal, golden-age beats courtesy of Rick Rubin and stirring piano ballads from longtime collaborator Alex da Kid; he teams up with locally known artists like Phresher as well as global stars like Beyoncé, Pink and Alicia Keys. Across it all, Eminem remains intent on convincing listeners that he’s still at the top of his game: “Will I ever fall off/That day’ll never come.” Here’s a guide to understanding the album’s producers, songwriters, guests and key themes.
1. “Walk On Water” feat. Beyoncé Back in 2000, Eminem opened The Marshall Mathers LP with a sarcastic public service announcement: “Slim Shady does not give a fuck what you think!” It got nastier (and funnier) from there. But that was the old Marshall, and it turns out the new Marshall really does give a fuck what you think. Revival starts in a way that would have been unimaginable in the old days, with solemn piano chords, an honest-to-god gospel chorus from Beyoncé, and Eminem earnestly asking, “Why are expectations so high? Is it the bar I set?”
There’s no punchline. This is a serious, vulnerable track about the doubts that nag at a rap god late at night. He’s heard your criticisms of his latter-day work, and they hit home. In the second verse, he makes the stakes he’s chosen for Revival explicit, referencing the critical and commercial high-water mark of the original MMLP (“It’s the curse of the standard/That the first of the Mathers discs set”) and describing his writing process in relatable terms: “It always feels like I’m hitting the mark /Til I go sit in the car, listen and pick it apart/Like, this shit is garbage!”
Beyoncé comes through with humility and grace, and storied producer Rick Rubin (along with co-producer Skylar Grey) provides a sound that’s closer to the albums he made with Johnny Cash than the tougher-than-leather Run-DMC/Beasties beat he served up for “Berzerk” on Em’s last album. Mathers plays along, bringing a thoughtful tone and flow to match.
Then he snaps out of it in the track’s final seconds: “Me and you are not alike/Bitch, I wrote ‘Stan’!”
2. “Believe” Trappish snares and a minimal piano line courtesy of frequent foil Alex da Kid (“Love The Way You Lie,” Imagine Dragons’ “Radioactive”) give Revival‘s second track a more contemporary feel – this is the sound of a rapper in his mid-40s doing his best to keep up with the kids. He’s pretty comfortable in this new setting, even sneaking a not-groanworthy use of the word “lit” into his first verse. A bit later, he gets off some great internal-rhyme runs in a thuggish-ruggish Midwestern cadence: “But I still remember the days of/Minimum wage for/General labor/Welfare recipient as a minor/Look how government assistance has made you!” That verse builds up to one of his more memorable recent solo choruses, with shades of “The Way I Am” and “Cleaning Out My Closet.” The lingering questions that he emphasized on “Walk on Water” are still in the picture here (“Man, in my younger days, that dream was so much fun to chase….But how do you keep up the pace and the hunger pangs once you’ve won the race?”). But he’s off and running now.
3. “Chloraseptic” feat. Phresher Fans flipped out when they saw that the only guest MC featured on Revival‘s tracklist was Brooklyn’s own Phresher, best known for his street hit “Wait a Minute,” which blew up about a year ago and subsequently got remixed by everyone from Remy Ma to Riff Raff to 50 Cent to Royce da 5’9″. The latter connection likely explains how Eminem ended up calling in a hook from the NYC up-and-comer. “The record is about just spitting, man…Just cutthroat, at your throat music,” Phresher told Complex, adding, “It’s raw as fuck.”
True enough, Eminem gives a revved-up performance, dubbing himself the “Simon Cowell of rhyming foul,” memorably declaring “I’m Schoolly D, you’re Spoonie Gee” and providing a detailed description of how he plans to murder you using the wire from a notebook full of your weak-ass rhymes. The rumbling beat from his old friend Denaun Porter (a.k.a. Kon Artis from D-12) brings out his energetic, mischievous side.
4. “Untouchable” If any alt-right Eminem fans out there were hoping to forget about his Trump dis at the BET Hip Hop Awards, here he comes with even more vitriol. This six-minute song is Em’s most ambitious political statement ever, expanding and deepening the critique of American racism that he started outlining 15 years ago on “White America.” He spends the first half of “Untouchable” rapping from the perspective of a racist white cop, laying out exactly how he profiles and terrorizes black communities. The guitar-sampling beat from longtime cohorts Mr. Porter, Emile and Mark Batson makes this part of the song feel something like verse two of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” with the viewpoint shifted to the state trooper’s side.
Then the beat switches to a moody piano loop, and Eminem raps from the perspective of a black American man in 2017. He gets fired up denouncing police brutality, segregation, hiring discrimination, flag-waving hypocrisy and other forms of systemic racism: “Fuck your Republican views/Pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, where the fuck are the boots?” It’s a lot to take in, and early reactions to “Untouchable” from within the rap world have been divided.
5. “River” feat. Ed Sheeran According to Ed Sheeran, much of “River” was recorded in March 2016 while he vacationed at actor Russell Crowe’s farm in Australia. “I used the studio at Russell’s house,” Sheeran told Billboard. “Played the drums on it, and then played the guitar, and then recorded the thing and wrote the chorus and did the piano on it, and then sent it off and then didn’t hear anything back.” Produced by Emile Haynie, the final version of “River” opens with Sheeran’s lament about being “a liar and a cheat,” then flows into Eminem’s lyrics about one-night stands, and the guilt and recriminations that follow. “Now that I got you I don’t want you/Took advantage and my thirst to pursue/Why do I do this dirt that I do?” he asks.
6. “Remind Me” (Intro) 7. “Remind Me” The cheeky hard rock of “Remind Me” is reminiscent of his 2013 single “Berzerk”: Both rely heavily on a sample of Joan Jett & the Blackhearts’ “I Love Rock & Roll.” And just like that Billboard top 3 hit, he uses “Remind Me” to unleash his horndog id, crowing about a big-booty woman with silicone breasts as big as the late Anna Nicole Smith’s. “Excuse me ma, I’m just too raw,” he raps. Still, he avoids referring to his conquest in derogatory terms, and the track seems more fun-loving than an expression of Slim Shady’s misogynist impulses. In a conversation with Elton John for Interview magazine, he talked about his relationship with the track’s producer, Rick Rubin. “[Rubin and I] were talking about a song or something, and he said, ‘I don’t really consider myself smart enough to know what everybody’s going to think, so I just do what feels right for me,'” Eminem remembered.
8. Revival (Interlude) 9. “Like Home” feat. Alicia Keys With a soaring chorus from Alicia Keys and production from Alex da Kid, “Like Home” continues the anti-Trump war that Eminem kicked off on last year’s single “Campaign Speech,” and reignited during the BET Hip-Hop Awards. “This chump barely even sleeps/All he does is watch Fox News like a parrot and repeats/While he looks like a canary with a beak/Why you think he banned transgenders from the military with a tweet?” he raps. (Critics of Eminem’s past lyrics about LGBTQ people may be surprised at his implicit support for transgender soldiers.) 
Eminem also takes some blame for Trump’s past appearance in “Shady Convention,” a mock political video ad that promoted his then-new Shade45 satellite channel. “Take it back to the Shady national convention/Wish I had spit on it before I went to shake his hand at the event/Or maybe had the wherewithal/To know that he was going to try to tear apart/Our sacred land we cherish and stand for.” When he spoke to Elton John for Interview, he elaborated on his antipathy towards Trump. “As long as he’s got his base, he does not give a fuck about anybody else in America. But guess what? There’s more of us than there are of them. I still feel like America is the greatest country to live in. This is my opinion. But we have issues that we need to work on and we need to do better.”
10. “Bad Husband” feat. X Ambassadors Eminem has often picked at the volatility of male-female relationships in uncomfortably scabrous terms, most memorably on his 2010 hit “Love the Way You Lie.” But the Alex da Kid-produced “Bad Husband” has a disturbing ring of truth, if only because it mentions Hailie Jade Mathers, Eminem’s daughter with his ex-wife Kim Scott. “We carry on with our public spats,” he raps, perhaps referencing to the avalanche of tabloid press that chronicled Eminem and Scott’s tumultuous relationship in the late Nineties and early Aughts. “You hit me once, and that I would use/To continue the pattern of abuse/Why did I punch back?/Girl, your dad is a scumbag,” he raps as he alternates between addressing Hailie and Kim. Then he continues a pattern of repentance for using his family as artistic fodder that started with 2013’s “Headlights,” his memorable apology to his mother. “But I’m sorry Kim/More than you can ever comprehend/Leaving you was fucking harder than/Sawing off a fucking body limb.” A chorus and backing arrangement from X Ambassadors, the “Renegades” rock band that first worked with Em on “Wicked Ways,” conjures a melancholy sound of redemption.
11. “Tragic Endings” feat. Skylar Grey Eminem remains in his comfort zone – exploring a vicious codependent romance – on the arena-rap ballad “Tragic Endings.” “There’s just something ’bout her/ That makes me not able to function without her,” Eminem admits. But don’t think this is happily-ever-after: “The idea of seeing me happy destroys her in itself,” he raps. “To see me falling to pieces brings her joy.”
The claustrophobic hook of “Tragic Endings” is provided by Grey, a frequent Eminem collaborator. She helped write the rapper’s Number One smash “Love the Way You Lie” along with “Tragic Endings” producer Alex da Kid; she also penned Revival blockbuster Beyoncé collaboration “Walk on Water.” She works in lockstep with Eminem on “Tragic Endings” to drive home the suffocating nature of this relationship. “I’m dying to breathe and all you do is strangle me,” she sings. “What a relief.”
12. “Framed” For “Framed,” Eminem reaches back to early tracks like “’97 Bonnie & Clyde” in both sound – relying on the simplest of beats, just two guitar licks and an unchanging drum loop – and violent content: The rapper offers advice here on how to get away with homicide. “When murdering females better pay attention to these details or you could be derailed,” he warns. “Better wear at least three layers of clothing or be in jail.”
Back in “’97 Bonnie & Clyde,” Eminem was driving through the night with his longtime antagonist – and ex-wife – Kim dead in the back, but this time he envisions tangling with Eighties supermodel Christie Brinkley and the President’s daughter: “Dog, how the fuck is Ivanka Trump in the trunk of my car?” “Framed” wraps up with a half-hearted declaration of innocence. “There’s a missing person, so what? He’s got nothing to do with me/ I’m almost certain I was framed.”
13. “Nowhere Fast” feat. Kehlani Eminem faces off with a frantic string section, agitated hi-hats and the apocalypse on “Nowhere Fast,” defying terrorist attacks at one moment and his rap competition the next: “For MCs it’s a funeral when I’m devising this rhyme/ Cause I’m awake and you’re mourning, that’s why I rise and I shine.” Eminem may be 45 years old, but he has little interest in reflecting on his own mortality. “To the pine box: Bitch, fuck you,” he raps. “I’m better than I ever was.”
Kehlani joins Eminem to provide the atmospheric melodic accompaniment that he appears to favor everywhere on Revival. She sings sentimental lines about living fast and dying young: “Never looking back and we’re never getting old/ ‘Cause the skies are black but our hearts made of gold.” “Honored to be on this album, and in such amazing company,” she wrote on Instagram when Eminem shared the Revival track list earlier this month. “I can’t wait for the world to hear this.”
14. “Heat” After slamming President Trump throughout Revival, Eminem finds surprising common ground with him in “Heat,” one of the album’s lustiest songs. “Grab you by the [meow sound effect], hope it’s not a problem, in fact,” he raps. “About the only fact I agree on with Donald is that.” Eminem is single-mindedly priapic here, so even when he takes a moment to shout out this track’s producer, Rick Rubin, he twists the tribute into a pick-up line: “Come on, little mama, you’re hot enough to melt Rick’s beat.”
Rubin provides the sort of skeletal rap-rock accompaniment he served Eminem four years ago on The Marshall Mathers LP 2 track “Berserk” – distorted guitar and scratching vinyl sputter high in the mix. The primary riff is pulled from the Boogie Nights soundtrack’s “Intro (Feel the Heat),” a song performed in the film by John C. Reilly and Mark Wahlberg. “Heat” also ends with a brief snippet of Boogie Nights dialog from Wahlberg’s character that fits easily next to Eminem’s verses: “It’s my big dick, so everybody get ready right fucking now.”
15. “Offended” “Offended” features Revival‘s most technically impressive passage, a blistering display of speed near the end of the song– countless syllables crammed into 12 or 13 seconds – that aims for the record books. The rest of the track rises from the same fertile ground as “Just Don’t Give a Fuck” and “Bad Influence,” old songs in which Eminem turns listeners’ hatred of him into a badge of honor – or maybe a suit of armor.
As always, antipathy spurs him to cross even more lines and break even more taboos; here he describes himself with allusions to men accused of sexual assault (Bill Cosby, R. Kelly) and child murder (Justin Ross Harris). And yet again, Eminem guns for Trump, still annoyed that the President did not reply to his BET freestyle. He also goes after Ivanka and Melania. “Shit’s on, bruh,” Eminem declares. “… Ivanka, stiff arm her/While I’m hittin’ on Melania/And this song’s for all ya.”
The MC alternates between hard, low rapping and nursery-rhyme sing-song on “Offended,” borrowing his hook from a bleak source – “The Knife Game Song.” The taut, jumpy, brassy “Offended” instrumental was crafted by Illa da Producer, who also helmed Lil Pump’s “Pinky Ring” and French Montana’s “Have Mercy.” Eminem takes a moment to compliment the beat-maker’s work, noting that, “These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me.” “I’m so narcissistic, when I fart, I sniff it,” he adds a few lines later. “Do a fake dab to smell my armpits with it.”
16. “Need Me” feat. Pink “Need Me” is Eminem’s second collaboration with Pink. But in contrast to the playful “Revenge,” off of her October album Beautiful Trauma, “Need Me” is a bombastic power ballad dominated by Alex da Kid’s cavernous percussion. Pink sings two verses and choruses before Eminem comes in for the song’s one lengthy, intense rap verse. But something happens in the first half of “Need Me” that’s rarely been heard in Eminem’s many collaborations with female singers: he harmonizes with Pink, his voice gradually appearing during her second verse. Darting in and out of the track’s lurching waltz rhythm, Marshall vents about a dysfunctional relationship: “Starting to think we were made for each other/ But one of us in this relationship is raising the other/ You remind me of my mother.”
17. “In Your Head” “In Your Head” opens with Dolores O’Riordan’s voice beamed in from 1994 as a sample of the Cranberries hit “Zombie,” and runs underneath the entirety of the track. The song is produced by Scram Jones, a New York-based MC/producer who’s been chopping samples for Jadakiss, Ghostface Killah, and others since the early 2000s, but has never worked with Eminem before.
Em spends most of “In Your Head” castigating himself over career missteps: “Fuck it, I’ve done enough in this rap shit, Recovery brought me nothing but back to where I was/ And perhaps this could’ve been my victory lap if I wasn’t on the verge of Relapse.”
18. “Castle” feat. Skylar Grey “I built this castle, now we are trapped on the throne,” Skylar Grey sings at the opening of “Castle.” Each verse of the song is a letter, complete with pencil and paper sound effects echoing “Stan.” But this time, the letters are from Marshall Mathers to his daughter Hailie; the first letter is a few weeks before her 1995 birth, the second is a year later, and the third is on her 12th birthday. The third verse ends with Eminem at a low point in 2007, overdosing on methadone and nearly dying. “Your dad’s at the end of his rope/I’m sliding down a slippery slope/Anyway, sweetie, I better go, I’m getting sleepy…Love, Dad, shit, I don’t know.”
19. “Arose” “Arose” opens with a loop of a young LeAnn Rimes’s 1997 recording of “The Rose,” best known as the title song from Bette Midler’s 1979 album and film of the same name. Picking up where the narrative of “Castle,” ended, Eminem is recounting his 2007 overdose, speaking to his family and to his longtime D12 groupmate Proof, whose 2006 death “tore me in two.” Four minutes into “Arose,” Eminem declares “To rewrite a mistake, I’m rewinding the tape” and the song abruptly stops, and the third verse of “Castle” begins again. But this time it ends differently, “I’m pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet.” The album concludes with a new day dawning, and the sound of a toilet flushing. 
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