#bc of the amount of product and bleach and stuff that she used

[gumy-shark]

i don’t regret dyeing my hair blue but i do regret ever going to this stylist. so that’s something i guess

[nathank77]

4/19/24

8:30 p.m

So I was going to do my laundry, my bedding/the remainder of my clothes (my new socks and boxers) I still have boxers left not new socks. My mother did the laundry and there wasn't enough Bleach left so I couldn't do it cause I Bleach the washer before I wash my clothes everytime. I still have some of my new boxers to wear for a few days and my older socks for tomorrow.

I bought Bleach that I hid from my mother cause ever since I started buying Detergent she doesn't share anymore. And it's costing me an arm and leg. It was supposed to be for emergencies. I'm going to do my bedding either Sunday or Monday and I'll live without my Nike socks.

I can't wait until my new clothes get here so I don't have this issue anymore.

I got gas, put in my xanax refill. And I am picking that up tomorrow before I go to the mall. I'll grab the Xanax and stop home and put it away and then head out.

I'm hoping I'll get there by 5 pm. However it could be around 5:30 or 5:45. Either way I'll be there and I'm still using that awesome entrance that's going to make dieting fucking hard lol pizza and taco bell come on lol but I like the entrance I always did. I'm familiar with it.

I'm going to hold off on bringing that box upstairs, I'm going to get another box when I get my kohls purchase and I can do some of my laundry from that dirty draw and move it into my closet at the right time. So some of my junk in my hoarder attic is actually organized cause despite the amount of junk..... there is so much stuff up there that is useful but I don't have boxes to pack it away in. Right now my priority is at least making sure the stuff that moves from my room to the attic is packed away in an organized fashion so when I go through my stuff, this stuff can get put in the done pile without having to be opened or altered.

Anyways, all I got to do is brush my teeth after my second meal and then shower. I'm going to shave my head and face with a razor. I want to make sure my head isn't a porcupine just incase, and I get a week before I end up having to buzz it down again so that makes it ideal. Beyond that, it's so short right now shaving it is easy. My mustache is slightly coming back and I want to look nice tomorrow. I never go out, I can't control if my clothes are ratty, but I can make sure my face and head look clean and I smell nice.

I'm scared to take a shower late tonight bc I've had potentially panic attacks two times out of the shower- I'm not trying to develop panic disorder so I'll do it anyways but yea....

If I shower now I'll feel smelly for tomorrow bc I can't shower before the mall bc of my circadian rhythm. Also my sister and her stupid gf drain ever drop of hot water from the house taking showers around this time. If I have palpitations again I'm staying home. Tbh I can't afford to keep going to the er...it's fucking up my circadian rhythm and I'm sick of being poked and prodded for the same thing, PVCs.

Anyways, I guess now I'm going to play video games? Idk.. I feel like I need to stay busy. Maybe I'll masterbate, thats something I don't make as much time for anymore.

Psychosis makes me overcompenstate, proving I don't have shizo-anything by making me feel like I should always be productive and if I'm not I should be staring blankly at the TV...

So I guess I'll try to game and get some recordable gameplay maybe.

I really need to smoke weed again... I feel like I'm committing a crime by just turning on a video game. I feel like I should go through my clothes or do laundry or do something productive. I also don't want to hallucinate or deal with video game ocd either though.

I got my disability appt scheduled for May 17th...the same week as my insomnia appt.. and I got to do my bloodwork for my thyroid around that time next month.... STRESSFUL. I'm going to try to reschedule my insomnia appt sooner cause she wants to see me every month.... and it's already scheduled out a month and a half later and the receptionist was like it has to be this week or sooner. So maybe I'll just take a 1MG on that day and the day of my disability appt.. so I'll have to take a 1MG the 14th and the 17th of May to make those appts.

And I called the cardiologist... they are going to see if they can move me up... they will call me Monday. They see the new er visit..

Now I'm worried if I shower late at night I'll get a panic attack/ heart palpitations right after.. either way this time I'm not going to the er... the Dr was like I can't admit you for pvcs. They aren't a good sign but they aren't serious enough to be seen urgently. So yea and it's going to turn into panic disorder if I don't shower at night..

My trans channel has been popping for only one video only God knows why?

I realize without my glasses even though I was hot in that video I look and sound like a geek/nerd anyways but I'm adorable. Although idk why everyone is watching it atm.