#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[jakowskis]

sloppy gay ramble about why i ship owento lets go

(this was meant to be a server ramble but it got too big for discord so here’s a ginormous messily formatted semi stream-of-consciousness type essay on why i ship owen x ianto and what’s compelling about it to me. starts out kinda babbly n then i got serious abt it n then i got babbly again so sorry for the tone switch fhsdjkfd. i do not know if this is cohesive, let alone persuasive, i'm not trying to sell you the ship so much as im yapping incoherently about the Themes n Motifs that drive me mad. but yeah. also this is purely based on the first two seasons of the show, nothing else. im not normal about these guys btw im Deranged. anyway here.)

for starters, background. i must explain what first roped me into this pairing. the answer? season 1 episode 12. singlehandedly. and then i felt Haunted for a while, and then i read some fic and something clicked in my head and it's been my torchwood otp since. im very consistently an enemies/rivals to lovers enjoyer so at first i was just like 'heh nice i love toxic yaoi' but then they decided not to leave me alone. and a lot of it's bc of the Themes 🫵 do not underestimate my ability to overthink and overcomplicate a barely-there relationship whose connotations are entirely subtextual

see, owen and ianto are mirrors in like ten ways, and where they're not mirrors, they’re foils. on the mirror end, their backstories are jarringly similar (abusive parental figure; rebellious phase as a youth (punk vs goth); losing their fiancée/serious girlfriend as a young adult to an alien threat). their relationships with jack are adjacent (emotionally unavailable authority figure they look to for approval; owen as jack's second in command versus ianto as his right hand man). most interestingly, imo, is their personalities. at their core, theyre not entirely different. owen in his backstory? he's a lot like ianto. faithful, loyal, quiet, gentle. they're not markedly different in who they are deep down, they just have extremely different coping mechanisms that make them look like opposites. ianto dissociates + turns things inward - owen self-destructs AND lashes out. owen's like a ianto that hardened and got mean - ianto's like an owen who still values being quiet and dutiful and not making trouble. (basically, history + personality-wise they’re mirrors, coping mechanism + temperament-wise, they’re foils. two sides of the same coinnnnn)

they both recognize this, although possibly not consciously - and it bothers them. ianto dislikes + feels threatened by / wary of owen's impulsivity and aggression (partly bc he fears he himself is like that deep down, and he isnt willing to access that part of himself. we see a handful of times that ianto does in fact have repressed anger and its SCARY. and i wouldnt doubt hes intimidated by that part of himself, given his control issues. esp considering his plot in adam, if you wanna read it that way). meanwhile owen dislikes ianto for what he perceives as subservience + weakness (partly bc those are things he sees in himself and HATES. a lot of owen's character is his struggles w his own nature + feeling a need to compensate for perceived deficiencies). and they also look down on each other for these qualities, and, i think, bolster themselves a little bit by comparing themselves to the other. we know owen does this (“it’s like you finally won.” “i didn’t know we were in competition.”), but considering ianto’s preoccupation with competency, i don’t doubt he also feels a little bit better about himself when owen fucks things up by acting rashly.

so ianto's like a version of owen that he tried to bury entirely and move on from when katie died, and owen's reminiscent of what ianto's afraid he's capable of becoming. and they both project these things onto each other - owen more outwardly, in the way he feels the need to attack ianto in both of their significant one-on-one scenes. in ianto we see it more as avoidance + slight disgust. in their lighter scenes ('lets all have sex', and the tin tin discussion) we see owen trying to be companionable (...can u call the sleeper scene that fhsdjkf) and ianto having none of it. funny enough, i think owen likes ianto more than ianto likes owen, at least by s2. liking aside, though, ianto does care for him. but another thing i like abt owento is owen's a litttttle bit fixated on ianto for some reason (i think it could be interpreted ten different ways, but him repeatedly bringing up ianto & jack's relationship is wiiiild to me) - n then ianto doesn't think abt owen much at all, he's just sort of there. it's fucking funny. i like a darker take on owento, as u can probs tell, but also they can be hilarious if you want them to be. two guys who can't stand each other and should kiss about it is always good. but yeah, as they exist in canon, as of s2, they're just sort of... comfortably colleagues, albeit maybe still a bit combative.

but i’m eternally caught up in what episode 12 teased me with. (and i knowww ep12 was specific desperate circumstances, that's not their norm, but what's presented when they're both at that point is soo compelling to me. i like characters at their worst.) see, episode 12 is when we really see that half-mirrors half-foils thing come to a head. owen’s spiraling because he just lost diane. he feels weak, he feels powerless. he’s essentially doing what ianto did in episode 4, putting love first, and you can tell owen was kind of disgusted with + felt betrayed by ianto in that ep, so he’s also being a hypocrite and breaking his own standards for how a torchwood agent ought to act. (not to mention i think owen deeply resents his own emotionality, but that’s another topic.) and during that spiral, ofc, he gets mean and frantic, in typical owen fashion. then we have ianto. despite the threat of losing jack, ianto does his best to stay level headed and focus on what their job is, rather than personal feelings - something owen usually values.

so there’s this moment where their traits are both blurring a bit, where roles are being swapped but without straying from the heart of each character, where the mirrors are RLLY reflecting each other (infinity mirror? on and on and on...). owen’s simultaneously being self-destructive and rash, but also vulnerable and love-lorn, which is something he looks down on ianto for in regards to lisa and then jack (and his verbal attack on ianto is majorly projection, too. ‘part time shag’ is especially notable when 1) him and gwen’s affair literally broke off last episode. owen was HER part time shag, and 2) him and diane were meant to be casual too and owen caught feelings - same as ianto with jack. major projection lawl. and we see owen do this multiple times, it’s a trait of his. another notable instance is him telling tosh “you want someone as broken and screwed up as you”, lmao).

and ianto’s being pushed to his limit, too; he’s trying to hold firm and stick to his values about the rules, but it’s the most hardened and merciless we ever see him. when you’re carefully watching, there’s a Brutality in him in a few key moments when he’s pointing that gun at owen and it’s SO critical to my understanding of + enjoyment of the character. i just find ianto’s inner darkness reallyyy compelling haha. my other fav ianto moment is “pray they survive” in meat. there’s something SCARY to him that the show doesn’t often bring out, and it’s what i find most intriguing about him. (both moments are also some of my fav bits of acting from gareth, too. i also think burn’s a much better scene partner for him than barrowman, there’s just something about the way they play off each other in ep12, man. i am… not always impressed by gareth’s acting, but in those scenes i think he’s brilliant.) 

so ep12 introduces the things that my concept of owento heavily revolves around - and then you expand upon it. see, the ship is almost entirely hypothetical. what they Could be - what they have the potential to be. that’s not everyone's thing, especially in a fandom with canon gay relationships, but i loveee it, and i love that there’s tons of freedom in it. it’s also fun as hell + very stimulating as a fanfic writer. other writers have done a lot too, there’s been many fantastic interpretations over the years - there’s a fair amount of rlly rlly good owento fic, particularly by one author back in 2007 who wrote t o n s of amazing stuff + rlly established a great dynamic that most other people have kind of followed (including me). my favorite take on owento (and, imo, the best, and the most plausible, one) is that they hooked up between s1 n s2, while jack was gone. i think its brilliant, i think there's a LOT of rlly insane connotations there + in a show like tw its not far-fetched, like i could see it happening. it's an extension of things we see in canon - for starters, when they’re desperate, they end up in bed with another member of the team. and then the way owen’s always in jack's shadow… gwen wanted jack from the start but she turned to owen instead bc he was there. the idea of that happening again, with a ianto who wants jack but can't have him… owen's consistent trend of being someone's mistake, of being someone’s second choice. his consistent tendency to be there when someone hits rock bottom to offer them a sexual reprieve. because he’s always down there himself, and misery loves company. he doesn’t like being alone in it. (torchwood and its persistent loneliness, btw.) and then there’s the recurrent theme of the power struggle between jack and owen - owen often wants to get one over on jack, which occasionally entails trying to covet the things jack has/wants… rubbing his grubby little hands all over jack’s toys. or maybe that’s just the only way he knows how to establish some claim over torchwood - sleeping with half the members. why not add another? why not give jack the finger a third time? i love drama 🕺

and on ianto’s end… for starters, owen’s a lot like jack in certain ways. a lot of it seems to be a front he puts on (and i wont get into the intriguing implications of owen choosing to or perhaps subconsciously emulating jack in certain respects when he started fresh at torchwood) - if ianto’s kind of like owen was, jack’s kind of like what he’s trying to be, he just doesn’t pull it off as well. not quite as good at being superficially charming. pulls it off in his own way, though. point is, despite the fact that canon implies ianto has zero interest in owen, some of the things he’s intrigued by with jack are in fact present in owen. the inaccessibility, the compensatory arrogance, the brooding, the intensity. this is arguably further present in gwen’s attraction to the both of them. there’s some surface level similarities that canon even seems to reflect on a few times (esp in s2). additionally, i don’t tend to think owen was in charge while jack was gone (i think he stepped back and let gwen do it, but maybe took charge during field missions, as implied by kkbb), but it’s an interesting angle in some owento fics, ianto gravitating towards whoever’s the boss. more than that, though, after losing lisa AND jack, he’d probably end up looking for someone else to preoccupy himself with, against his better judgement. a trait owen and him have in common, it just manifests in different ways. (and, finally, i think he'd also be compelled by the differences between jack and owen. owen's a complicated guy, but i think ianto understands him well enough. there's not really a mystery, he doesn't have to guess with him. owen straight-forward and a bit of an open book, and i think ianto might find that a relief.)

the other thing that compels me, and that i think would compel ianto, is that, oddly enough, owen's someone ianto ends up having power over pretty easily (although not without a fight). this is a sharp contrast to jack, where jack's always the dominating force (i dont mean that perversely, i mean, like, he's all-consuming), and ianto's always kind of at his mercy. a really interesting part of episode 12 is that neither of them, owen or ianto, really win, and yet they both score a victory over the other in different ways, too. owen successfully opens the rift; but ianto prevents him from doing so for quite a while, and does in fact shoot him over it. owen may have succeeded, but ianto established physical dominance by putting a bullet in him. which, cough. that in itself. and not to get additionally horny with it cuz thats not what this is about, but there’s this other really interesting bit in the episode that haunts me, as well: when ianto tells owen to go home, owen sneers at him and refuses, and then ianto stares him down - and owen caves. he’s still sneering, but he caves without fuss. that right there… is the crux of what i find so enthralling. owen, for all his rebelliousness + pride, does briefly bend to ianto’s will. but he does it in such an almost back-handed way, he twists it, almost like ‘you forced my hand, happy now?’ even though… ianto didn’t try hard in that moment to coerce him. owen gave in on his own free will, but had to feel like he’d been made to, and tried to twist it to take some of the ‘satisfaction’ away from ianto (even though it’s not about winning and losing to ianto, at least consciously)… the mind games u guys!!!

and on the flip side, the way ianto was able to come out on top (NO EUPHEMISM INTENDED I PROMMYYYY) simply by standing firm. not raising his voice, not being physically aggressive. he stood there and looked at him. thats insaneeeee. and that's a moment of control for him that he doesn't get in his onscreen relationship with jack, or in his career at torchwood. and we see it for just one moment the only time owen & ianto interact in an substantial way. there's so many crazyyy things that could come out of those two falling into something messy, and i think it's really interesting that the power dynamic that's implied by canon puts ianto in a position of power we don't get to see him in in his canon relationship with jack. i want to see more of a ianto who's not just an accessory to jack, who stands on his own two feet, and that ep is honestly the only time in all twenty-six s1 and s2 eps where that happens. he's not only owen's equal in that ep, he fights for control and manages to command things. that? is a ianto i'm endlessly intrigued by. and then there's the fact that this is all right after owen's gay little fight club episode, where we learn that owen's a guy who lovessss mixing homoeroticism with violence. not only that, the power plays and mind games mark and owen play with each other in ep 11 - ep 12 is a direct continuation of that, between ianto and owen. and thats SOOO sexy to me fhdsfjkds.

so we have something angry and visceral and raw - which isn't everyone's cup of tea but its my LIFEBLOOD. they bring out the worst in each other, the aspects of themselves that they dislike. and personally? im always compelled by ships that have that dynamic - but then they both get a bit Addicted to it. i LOVE the thematic theme of surrendering to the worst parts of yourself, and of being drawn in by the ugly parts of someone else. and i think there’d be smth rlly interesting in the form of them each realizing the other’s their mirror, as well. something almost self-punishing, potentially. lil bit psychosexual. i like the thought of owen recognizing that ianto’s more than meets the eye, recognizing that he’s got a sadism to him - i think he could be compelled to draw that out, because that’s already something we see with owen (most explicitly during the whole gwen affair). owen’s someone who wants to find someone as fucked up and lost as he is. we see this with gwen and diane - and we can deduce that's what drew him to suzie. but it should also be noted those relationships were all with women - in the show, as previously mentioned above, owen’s attraction to men is always associated with aggression, with violence. a lot to be said about that, and i have a wip essay on owen’s sexuality in my drafts, but the point is owen’s queerness exists in anger and in power struggles with other men - which makes it obvious to me, given how they're presented in ep12, that him and ianto’s relationship could very, very easily trip over the line into being something More. owen’s turned on by aggression, he’s canonically attracted to ianto - i really dont think it’d take much for him to make a move. particularly if jack were gone. and i could very easily see him ending up looking at ianto and thinking ‘hm. there's something fucked up about him. i bet i can make him worse’. 

and ianto… see, this is where it gets fun, and also where my personal interpretation deviates from most owento writers, because a lot of people write this pairing as very brutal; the ianto in owento fics is usually much harsher than any ianto i’ve seen elsewhere. it’s rarely ooc, bc we see that ianto in the show, just not often, and it’s one of his most interesting forms n i’m fond of him. that being said - i’m personally intrigued by the idea of ianto figuring owen out and realizing that aggression and casual sex isn’t what he really wants after all. owen’s soft, deep down, and there’s a need to be understood and cared for. that’s… kind of ianto’s specialty. and there’s an angle of power there, too. maintaining control in a way that simply being rough could never sufficiently achieve. because i dont tend to ship enemies-to-lovers in a way where the characters aren’t being self-serving and conniving. i like when two characters are exploiting each other and fucking themselves up in the process. that’s my shit. i especially like when it eventually becomes something that almost looks like a really bastardized version of love. all in all i think they just have the potential to bring some crazyyyy shit out of each other

um. theres a lot more i could say but this is already really long and i ran out of steam. basically i think they should have hatesex but then get obsessed with each other and wage psychological warfare on each other👍

[redrobin-detective]

Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached. 

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control. 

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule. 

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown. 

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments. 

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand. 

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents. 

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture. 

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

[dastardlydandelion]

SPOILER! SCREAM 6 REVIEW WITH SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS ALSO I AM HIGH.

my thoughts and feelings on scream vi. i have a lot of them!

boy howdy, that was a ride! so overall I enjoyed it a lot! gonna start out with the positives before i leap into the negatives.

spoilers under the cut!!!

my favorite part was the carpenter sisters, by far. i am aware that there are plenty of people who dislike sam. that’s valid, obvi, people are entitled to their opinions. nevertheless, i do feel like a lot of the hate directed toward her is honestly unfair. hate from billy/sydney shippers who cannot conceive billy having cheated on her even tho he was like, a literal murderer. said shippers angry that their conspiracy theories about sam being sydney’s daughter are just blatantly untrue bc sam is latina, the stu/billy shippers angry that billy evidently enjoyed sex with women outside of using sex to manipulate syd, etc. these are kinda stupid reasons to hate sam, u guys.

now, others were not a fan of sam bc they didn’t care for melissa barrera’s performance in scream 5 and ykw, fair enough. HOWEVER, i would like to interject here that i am personally more forgiving toward some of her wonkier scenes bc i understand what the directors were going for. scream 2022 is a fan movie and sam is a fanfic character brought to screen. her dialogue is what u would read in a middle schooler’s fanfic and that’s…weird but nostalgic, so i get it. this movie was swaddled in nostalgia. also we have to understand sam as a character who intentionally represses her emotions bc of her internal proclivity for violence. much of her performance is restrained until act 3 and while i 100% understand why this didn’t work for some people, it didn’t bother me personally bc i’m sympathetic to the intent behind it.

i was supposed to be spilling my thoughts about scream vi and instead just went off on a tangent about 5. bc context needs context and i can never get to the point without detours and most of my detours involve giving context to the context or covering my bases, for those who potentially wish to poke holes…

ANYWAY. i genuinely enjoyed sam and tara in scream 5. some of my biggest beefs with 5 were the changes to the initial script that decreased the tension between the sisters and robbed us of their familial context. ykw, like amber and tara being romantically involved + amber and sam’s mutual dislike of each other, which would’ve layered amber’s motivations as well as added to the conflict between the sisters. the originally scripted scenes with their mother drunkenly displaying her fear of sam, particularly her fear of sam harming tara, which would’ve helped the audience understand why sam was desperate to leave woodsboro and why sam represses herself so heavily…and here i am still talking about scream 5. but my point is i already loved the sisters and i was very much looking forward to them and seeing how their relationship developed in 6.

and it did not disappoint!! oh my lordy. i love how sam just goes completely into mama bear mode over tara!!! it works so well on so many levels. she wants to protect her because for five years she wasn’t even there, because she spent the most horrible three days of her life nearly losing tara, because their mother and tara are now estranged specifically bc tara chose to allow sam back into her life, and bc she feels like she has to be hyper-vigilant bc tara coped in the opposite direction and chose not to deal with what happened at all.

i loved the push and pull between them, how tara clearly loves sam very much but is straining under her smothering and frustrated bc their coping mechanisms clash with the calamity of a car crash. adore how tara defends sam even when she’s upset with her but i think my very favorite thing was at the end when sam HAS PUT ON HER FATHER’S COSTUME LIKE I HAVE WANTED HER TO FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND STABS BAILEY TWENTY TIMES AND ONLY STOPS HERSELF FROM DELIVERING THE FATAL BLOW WHEN SHE HEARS TARA!!!! AND THEN TARA VISIBLY GIVES HER PERMISSION TO KILL HIM SO SHE UNLEASHES IT AND STABS HIM IN THE FUCKING EYEBALL OH MY GOD.

whew, lotta caps lock, but yeah. yeah, no, i was just that excited. tara didn’t even have to say the words, it was the look in her eyes and the soft tilt of the head and sam knew it would be okay. that was so touching. hands down, my favorite scene. <3 <3 <3

also the storyline surrounding sam? perhaps a tad exaggerated in this horror movie context but not at all unlikely or untrue to life.

a woman who only resorted to violence in retaliation to her more dangerous boyfriend’s violence being DARVO-ed by social media? a woman being turned into the monster of the story while internet fans fawn over and infantilize the man who victimized her? a woman who chose violence only to survive vilified while terminally online fans edit flower crowns onto her actually evil boyfriend’s pics and proclaim his innocence in cutesy fonts??

yeah, that’s pretty fucking familiar. this probably would’ve happened to sam even if billy loomis wasn’t her father, her heritage just makes it 10x easier for people to manipulate the story against her.

this is where the social commentary of the movie is a little ambiguous and i actually prefer it that way. are they calling out scream fans? true crime fans? media misogyny? could be any of the above, take ur pick. i personality interpreted it as a combination of all three.

the subtlety on that front was a breath of fresh air considering so much was…not subtle at all. i greatly enjoyed this film and i adore mindy BUT her explaining the new rules of a “franchise,” was a little bit too much. it’s a scream film so there has to be a scene like that, ofc, but it could’ve been shorter and it didn’t have to spoon-feed us that hard.

speaking of subtly? uh, yeah. i mean, unfortunately bc of unmarked spoilers i knew detective bailey and ethan were ghostfaces. i did not, however, know any of the ghostfaces other than these two, nor did I have any idea what their motive was. but between quinn mentioning the death of a brother and sam getting called from richie’s phone? yeaaaaah, that clicked into place pretty damn fast. soo not subtle, but amusing. amusing so i’m not complaining yet, i actually had a laugh.

now i feel like i’m rambling without direction but my goal was to tackle positives first, so more positives?

the core four. love them. the way their relationship developed in this film was warming and believable to me, even if the character interactions were perhaps more abridged than they should’ve been give the rapid-fire pace of the film. mindy and chad are great, easy to love, and mindy especially is so relatable to me. kirby is back and she got screen time!!!

the minor characters? not too many, but the ones that were here somewhat fleshed out the setting. i would love a fanfic where sam kills date rape frankie. also the owner of the bodega, shoutout to that guy. a kind stranger in a city famous for rudeness, he dead ass lost his life trying to help our leading ladies. he looked away from ghostface to get his keys so they could unlock the door. r.i.p bodega owner.

the kills! everyone is raving about the kills and i am also a fan. not without my nitpicks, i wish maybe a couple would’ve been more creative BUT mostly i am pleased. i love gore and there was more gore. the ladder scene delivered on the suspense that was promised to us, oh my. my heart was pounding the entire time and altho were barely got to know anika, i truly felt for her. bleeding, scared, doing her best to hold on, gazing at mindy through a blur of tears and panic as she moans, “I don’t want to die, i don’t want to die.” 😢

that said i was hoping the kills might be a tad more creative? it was mostly just a lot of stabbing. which. yes, ghostface stabs. the franchise is famous for the buck 120, which i can attest is a very sharp knife— i have used it to stab through frozen meat and not only did it go right through the package, the tip of the knife got embedded in the table. which is okay bc it’s an old table with a ton of stains and it’s already beat to hell, but that’s not the point. THE POINT, lmao. unintentional pun, I swear! but idk, i was hoping for some variety especially bc the trailers kept emphasizing that this ghostface was “different.”

many of my predictions were correct but where they did manage to surprise me, they really surprised me! like the first killer unmasking himself right after her killed laura?? i gasped! the choreography of the fights in the shrine, dude! i loved the carpenter sisters + chad taking on the ghostface how they did it as a pack. that was awesome! and then chad is gonna finish ‘I’m off and BOOM, the second one pops out! the way the ghostfaces take chad down was brutal but also, like they’re twinning?? the dual knife swipe was spooky and this is genius when we find out that these two are actually twins. or…I think they are? they’re siblings at least, i wanna think twins bc I’m pretty sure the characters are supposed to be the same age even tho the actress who plays quinn is a few years older irl.

misc fun things: jason watching jason takes manhattan in his apartment. mindy’s fashion sense. kirby eating. ethan is not dressed in blue plaid like the ghostfaces before him, but he is wearing red plaid over a blue shirt, so close enough. nancy loomis finally being acknowledged as sam’s murderous grandma. gale dodging sam’s punch just to get hit by tara, pffft. last but not least, ALL THE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. 😍

those were all the positives. but balance is balance so as much as i loved this film, i still have to touch on the negatives.

the killers? i was right about the anti-dewey angle, but i’d pegged the wrong pig. kirby reed, i formally apologize for ever suspecting u. i appreciate the anti-dewey angle with detective bailey and that being a cop gives him power and authority that ghostfaces before him did not have. but the motive reveal complicates things and it’s pretty convoluted and too convenient the way these ghostfaces were able to worm into our cautious protagonists’ lives. i know let some things slide because of bailey’s aforementioned social power by virtue of being a cop, but this is over the top. i have so many questions. did the siblings go to college just to follow the survivors? they all have fake names?? how did they find out about jason and greg? how is the *whole* family like this?

ur telling me richie’s entire fam indulged his stab obsession to the point of them not only accepting his being a serial killer, but becoming ghostfaces to honor him in their vengeance driven kill spree??

umm…yeah, this is all a little too kookaburra for me. but i will say i liked their style. i like that they actually seemed to be bringing the costume to life. the ghostface costume was originally packaged in-universe as the “father death” costume, it’s the grim reaper by another name. and these ghost faces were actually kind of swooping around like a reaper, an angel of death. cannot emphasize enough how much i loved the twinning with the knife wipe and just like, having multiple ghostfaces onscreen in general. i am too high right now to look up the actress’s name who played quinn but kudos to her for chewing the scenery once she unmasked. but some of their choices didn’t make sense to me. why did ethan help mindy after quinn wounded her? why was a target put on anika’s back at all??

so…more negatives?

um…let’s talk about suspension of disbelief for a moment. we all have to have some of that when watching slasher films and movies wouldn’t be movies if we expected them to be exactly like real life. i like to think that as long as a movie follows its own logic, i have a pretty healthy suspension of disbelief. i can accept the improbable in the scream ‘verse…but not the impossible.

u know what’s impossible?? chad surviving that. fml. yeah, no, that guy’s internal organs are soup. it’s even a stretch that he survived scream 5 since amber clearly slashed open his femoral artery even before she stabbed his guts, but this???? chad was being carved up by two ghostfaces and blood was dead ass gushing from his mouth like a waterfall. i love chad, truly, i do, but his survival was insane, i can’t accept that.

on that note, i found it frustrating that the injuries in this movie were seemingly only as severe as the storyline wanted them to be. again, it’s a movie so we have to have a level of suspension of disbelief and that’s fair! i can accept people being more durable on the screen than in real life but where they lose me is when they’re keeping semi close to reality in one scene and totally ignoring it in the next. anika loses a lot of blood and is in great pain, which hinders her ability to escape (so she doesn’t). i buy it. gale is stabbed in the abdomen twice, deeply, and loses so much blood she entrusts the carpenter sisters’ with last words, passes out from blood loss, and is in bad shape when paramedics arrive. i buy that. mindy is similarly stabbed in the abdomen multiple times, survives because ethan helps her for some mysterious reason, which I buy…I don’t buy her RUNNING TO THE SHRINE MERE HOURS AFTER.

we have a throwaway line about her being on drugs, but no, i still don’t buy it. story time. my work mom, okay, so she was in a really bad car accident once. running on pure adrenaline, she raced out of the car with broken bones and punched the driver of the other car that hit her. immediately after, she collapsed and guess what? she’d injured herself further by punching this lady. so even if mindy wasn’t feeling her wounds because of the drugs (which i could buy easily enough), no responsible hospital would allow her to run wild like that.

at the shrine tara is stabbed UP TO THE HANDLE IN THE BACK and it doesn’t?? effect her like at all? okay, okay, i could possibly buy this with the adrenaline excuse, cause I mean, again, that is a thing. my work mom paid the price for it. but after being stabbed in the back, tara is also stabbed in the torso after being dropped from quite the height and that wound similarly has no tangible impact beyond a few pained pants while she was struggling against a larger, more physically powerful ghostface…and adrenaline wears off? at the very least, after they’re finished off the ghostfaces, tara should’ve been shock-y and sam should’ve been trying to get her medical attention ASAP. at this point the movie wasn’t following its own logic in regards to injuries that’d previously occurred in the movie.

i find it so hard to believe laura’s character at all, that she would go into a dark alley searching for a strange male she had never, ever met in person before dead ass a blind internet date. no girl or woman would ever do that, let alone a supposedly a highly educated New York newcomer.

the pacing in this movie was almost a little too fast. i feel like there wasn’t much room to breathe? i didn’t want it to be slow or anything, but it was almost dizzyingly speedy. i LOVE the chase scene with gale but what the fuck. they made a point to talk about how they weren’t safe in broad daylight, then they cut to gale’s apartment and it’s like nighttime? huh?? how many days did i just watch???

the secret celebrity cameo was jack quaid? boo, letdown, boooooo.

neutral stuff: i feel like sam’s bf only existed in this movie so they could do ladder scene LMFAO. but i didn’t want to see romance so that’s perfectly fine with me.

…possibly have more to add, but idk? i’m high af. overall i really enjoyed this film though. especially the carpenter sisters. sam put billy’s costume on in the best way. it was a monkey paw wish for detective bailey that backfired on him majorly, she looked fucking great in it, she literally stayed in it and then at the end, she let go of the mask. because sam isn’t a murderer. she may have internal violent desires but she keeps that part of her in check cause she’s a good person and only acts on those impulses when real danger is afoot. she isn’t her father and the wants to leave that mask behind its past behind, and follow her sister into the future.

[admiral-alby]

k y’all I’m rewatching the old guard again and I’m having so many Thougts, esp re: Bookers betrayal. and like I’m barely coherent rn bc I am BUZZING but pLEASE bear with my frenzied thoughts bc y’all??? when nicky and joe are being tested, there’s the scene where Copley asks Merrick how much longer the tests are going to go on. and Copley says “you have blood, bone, tissue samples, etc” to that effect and Merrick says lol we keeping them and Copley seems genuinely surprised that merrick wants to keep them locked up forever and never let them out again. and later on Copley said “this is not what we agreed”. And like, keep in mind from what I understand the biggest reason that the og and joe and Nicky specifically are so deeply hurt is, betrayal aside, bc they think Booker willingly condemned them all to being lab rats forever and knowingly put them in a situation where they would face dying repeatedly and the Big Fear is that they may not wake up, esp in the face of Andy’s sudden mortality. But!!! Considering that Booker worked with Copley to do his big set up, and considering Copley’s surprise at Merricks forever personal lab rat stance, I do believe it is reasonable to say that Booker had NO IDEA what was in store for them. Reasonably, I imagine that he thought they would take the necessary samples from each person, run some tests, and then they would all be let go and contacted with the eventual results. The reason for the secrecy and betrayal was because he knew no one would willingly go and out themselves like that because of the Risks of it becoming widely known that they were essentially immortal. And he likely would have turned himself in only, but with Copley/Merricks insistence to have everyone, it probably made sense to Booker that yeah, okay, maybe there’s something different about the older ones, who knows, and Andy is the OG immortal so, kinda makes sense that some samples should come from her. also he did think that she would have wanted answers as well at least. what I’m TRYING to say is I really don’t think Booker knew that Joe and Nicky would be tortured when they were grabbed and he probably had no idea that the intent was to keep them as eternal lab rats. He just thought that they would finally get some Answers. While his betrayal was still ultimately a betrayal, and he absolutely deserved to face consequences of some kind, I think that his base intentions were genuine and he really didn’t mean for anyone to be so badly hurt (over and over again) and I really think, considering what kind of person Booker seems to be, with the wallowing in grief for CENTURIES and the nihilism and inability to optimistsclly accept his situation and move on, that 100 years in isolation really was not a smart or necessarily fair move by the og. he did not do well on his own/while with the og historically, idk how making him be genuinely and totally alone for another 100 years and taking Andy away from him as she became mortal was wise, especially when he no doubt blames himself for Andy’s mortality even though he was not the direct cause; him shooting her revealed that and was, likely in his mind, the nail in the coffin so to speak (he also straight up said “I killed her”) because he obviously has a Complex and established unhealthy coping mechanisms (PLS drink some water book?? pls??) so what were they thinking?? he genuinely was remorseful and guilty and hated himself and his actions immediately (“just leave me here” u drama queen Booker shut up and get up Jesus) I think they could’ve come up with something that would effectively get the point across while still punishing him. but also I strongly believe the og would not last 100 years and mostly agreed on it because it showed him they were serious. overall for the sequel I’m hoping to high heaven they don’t make him a villain and revengeful for his forced solitude?? and that they welcome him back before the 100 years because he is still family and they love him and what he really needs is love and support and definitely a LOT of therapy.

[nami-writes]

Humans Don’t Come Back - Detroit: Become Human

i saw this fan art a while ago and, well, i couldn’t resist writing fanfiction based off of it bc i love connor but i also love hurting him, so that’s what i’m gonna do here. enjoy the feels B)

Numb.

Connor felt numb.

He was sitting on the bench in Riverside Park, two weeks after Hank’s death, and he felt nothing.

Or, rather, he felt something. He just couldn’t seem to let it through.

It reminded him of what being nothing but a machine had felt like. Feeling emotions, knowing he’s feeling them, but pushing and shoving them back down so they wouldn’t show. Fighting to hide them, to drown them and cover them up with only thoughts that related to his mission. It had almost become instinctual, his natural reaction to even the slightest signs of emotion; of deviancy.

He realized now that part of the reason why he did that was out of fear.

Fear of becoming deviant, fear of being found out, fear of being sent back and deactivated and destroyed and killed.

He’d always been afraid of feeling.

He remembered when Sumo died three years after the revolution. Soon after he moved in, Hank had made him see a therapist, another android, and helped him make progress on learning not to be so afraid of and opposed to feeling. Even if he didn’t know how to, he’d done his best to support him through anything and everything and he’d been the one to catch him whenever he fell too far.

But all of that progress had been lost when Connor first noticed the symptoms that Sumo was dying. Hank was in denial at first, but they had both known what was coming.

The following weeks, Connor had almost reverted back to how he’d previously been. Hank saw how he was so willing to do anything for him, from chores and housework to paperwork and reports and he’d let him do what he wanted for the first couple of days, but it didn’t take long for him to get fed up of ordering him around like he was still just a machine.

What he hadn’t seen, though, was Connor trying his hardest to keep himself together. Before, he’d built walls to keep emotions out and he’d been trying to break them down, but now, he was afraid of the negative emotions drowning out the positive ones. No emotions were better than too many negative emotions, so he needed something, anything to distract himself so the walls wouldn’t fall and crush him under their weight.

His therapist had told him he was suppressing his emotions as a coping mechanism but he still fought constantly to keep his LED blue so Hank wouldn’t worry, though it occasionally glinted yellow.

But when it came time to euthanize Sumo, he and Hank remained beside him and he couldn’t help his LED turning red.

He’d never dealt with loss before.

Before Hank and Sumo, he’d never been attached to anyone enough to be able to process the grief. And when he’d realized he was going to lose one of them... he’d had no idea how to handle it.

It wasn’t any different now.

No, that was wrong.

Now, his LED spun a constant yellow, flickering red every few seconds, because there was nobody to worry about it.

Now, he’d lost both of them.

Now, he had nothing else to lose.

What was left for him now?

Hank had put him in his will and left everything he had in Connor’s possession. Technically, he still had everything.

But losing Hank felt like he was left with nothing.

Sitting on the park bench, he began to reconstruct what had happened there a hundred years ago. He felt his LED flash red when he watched Hank’s outline form beside him but ignored it.

This memory wasn’t one of his favorites, but it was one way to remember him, and he would never let himself forget him. He remembered every part of it perfectly.

┌                                                                        ┐

       DATE: NOVEMBER 7, 2038            

       EVENT: COLE DISCUSSION & THREAT

       ◻ RECONSTRUCT           

└                                                                        ┘

    RECONSTRUCTION                   0/1 EVENTS

    INCOMPLETE                            ANALYZED

⍇ ▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭ ⍈

He watched his own outline walk up beside Hank’s and replayed the audio he’d saved from this exact moment.

“Nice view, huh?”

He looked out toward Ambassador Bridge, remembering how its lights had reflected faintly off the river. They were off now, but at night, they certainly did look nice.

“I used to come here a lot, before...”

Past Hank drank from the beer bottle he held in his hand and it hurt to watch. His alcoholism had been part of the reason he’d died sooner than he should’ve, at 153 years old, while the average life expectancy was 161-164. He’d convinced him to stop drinking after he moved in and made sure he took care of himself, but it seemed even that hadn’t been enough to reverse the effects of years of alcoholism and an unhealthy lifestyle.

He’d give anything to get those remaining 8 years with him.

Hell, he’d give anything to just get one more day with him. An hour would suffice. He’d even take a minute if he could.

“Before what?”

At the time, he’d guessed that Hank was referring to Cole’s death.

“Hm?”

“You said, ‘I used to come here a lot, before.’ Before what?”

He’d still chosen to tread carefully, as he knew it was a sensitive topic.

“Before...”

Hank had told him later on that this was one of the moments before the Cyberlife Tower incident where he really considered opening up.

“Before nothing.”

He watched himself turn to face him, crossing his arms hesitantly, unsure if his next question would be appropriate.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Lieutenant?”

“Do all androids ask so many personal questions, or is it just you?” 

If it didn’t hurt so much just to remember Hank’s voice, he would’ve wanted to laugh at the sarcasm he remembered dripping from his voice.

“Why are you so determined to kill yourself?”

The question stung even him now, but he was just glad that wasn’t how he’d died.

“Some things I just can’t forget. Whatever I do, they’re always there, eating away at me. I don’t have the guts to pull the trigger, so I kill myself a little more every day.”

Hank’s outline turned to look at Connor’s.

“That’s probably pretty difficult for you to understand, huh, Connor? Nothing very rational about it.”

That was true; he hadn’t really understood at the time. But now, he understood better than he ever wished he could’ve.

He’d spent the past three weeks avoiding Hank’s room. Hell, he’d spent the past three weeks avoiding their house. Or... his house, now. He hadn’t been back in exactly two weeks, three days and eleven hours. Instead, he’d been walking around for days on end, just trying to distract himself, trying to get away from reality.

He’d considered staying with Markus for a couple of days, but decided against it. Markus had lost Carl three years prior, at 169 years old, and Connor didn’t want to worry him or be a burden on him. Besides, he didn’t need a place to stay. He could withstand the weather and he didn’t need to eat or sleep.

Markus had moved on two and a half years ago.

But Connor wasn’t strong like he was.

He was weak. Weak and pathetic. He couldn’t even go back home after three weeks because he couldn’t handle it.

He hadn’t even gone to any of his therapy sessions because he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

All he could do was walk around, seeing the exact same things over and over again, in a feeble attempt to stop the memory from replaying in his head on a constant, never-ending loop.

He hated how having a perfect memory allowed him to remember everything exactly.

”Hank? Are you awake yet?” Connor called from the living room, sitting on the couch with the TV on. By this time, he was usually up already and making coffee for himself, but sometimes he slept in, especially because of how old he complained about being. However, Connor had made it his responsibility to make sure he maintained a regular sleep schedule.

He got no response.

He sighed and stood up. “TV off.” Hank was lucky he’d retired a decade ago. If not, he’d have been late for work today. Connor had stayed, though, and, throughout the years, worked his way up the ranks to a Commander. He still had a couple minutes before he had to leave for work, though, so he’d take the time to wake him up. Besides, he needed to change into his uniform. He could do that after he woke up Hank.

He made his way to Hank’s room and knocked on the door, just in case he was awake. “Hank?”

Still no response. Definitely asleep.

But he had a strange feeling. A bad feeling.

He opened the door and saw Hank laying in bed, but—something was wrong.

He wasn’t breathing.

He took a few hesitant steps inside, as if he couldn’t believe what his systems were telling him, then ran to his side. ”Hank—no, no, Hank, come on!”

He felt for his pulse.

Nothing.

His LED was solid red and he could already feel the artificial tears building up quickly, threatening to spill at any moment. His systems were operating as fast as he could make them; he showed no signs of movement, he wasn’t breathing, and he had no heartbeat. He’d died about ten minutes ago so CPR had a 0% chance of making any difference and neither did any of the other forms of medical assistance he had registered.

He’d been gone too long for anything to bring him back.

”No—no, no, no, come on, please—please don’t go, Hank, I-I don’t—I can’t—“ His voice broke and he finally broke with it.

He shook himself out of the memory. He didn’t want to remember the rest. He didn’t want to remember how pathetic he’d been, how broken he’d been when an ambulance finally arrived.

He could still feel the same devastation and fear and dread he’d felt when he found his body. He still remembered the desperation, how he wanted so badly for there to be some way, any way to save him, to bring him back, but he knew it was hopeless.

It had been three weeks, and he could still feel the sorrow and anguish he’d felt the moment he’d realized that Hank was truly gone.

All he wanted right now was for Hank to hold him in his arms and tell him it was gonna be okay.

But humans didn’t come back.

Maybe that was why he was walking down the empty street where the Chicken Feed food truck had stood for over a century. Of course, the owner, Gary Kayes, had died, even before Hank did, despite being three years younger. Connor had been there to help Hank cope with his death. Nobody had been around for a long time to replace him, so it remained abandoned in the same spot it’d been in before the revolution.

He scanned the area and a single information tab appeared on the sidewalk. When his eyes flicked over to it, it expanded.

┌                                                               ┐

       DATE: NOVEMBER 12, 2038    

       EVENT: FIRST HUG FROM HANK

       ◻ RECONSTRUCT           

└                                                               ┘

    RECONSTRUCTION                   0/1 EVENTS

    INCOMPLETE                             ANALYZED

⍇ ▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭▭ ⍈

Hank had hugged him often after the revolution, but this one had always been his favorite because it had been the first.

His LED flickered to red when he saw Hank’s figure again but he ignored it. Instead, as he played the reconstruction, he retraced his steps exactly; a futile attempt to make the memory seem at least a little bit realer. He still remembered Hank’s smile; the first real, genuine smile he’d seen from him. Hell, it might’ve been the first smile in general he’d seen from him.

He watched Hank’s outline take a few hesitant steps toward him, then stop.

Then, as the outline approached him and closed the distance between them, Connor closed his eyes and tried to let himself believe that, even if for just a moment, this was real.

[lalondeislandicedtea]

The Wrap-up of We Whispered Names

we whispered names to the things in the dark  is now complete. And man has this been a learning experience. 

Some thoughts under the cut:

1) Back when I was writing Night Owls, I pretty much only had one objective- to finish something. Anything. It was the hill I was gonna die on, because the last time I finished a chaptered anything was 2012, and it was pretty much one of those Baby’s First Fic sorta deals- extremely cringeworthy, poorly written, etc. I’m glad I wrote it, because it was definitely a learning experience for plotting, characterisations, etc. But I wouldn’t subject anyone to reading that, because good lord. 

It was important that it built a bedrock of skills, though. I spent the intervening years starting stories, both fanfic and original, never finishing them, bemoaning my lack of technical skill and commitment to my stories. So I sat down mid 2017-ish and decided that I was going to finish something. Anything. 

I did it in 2018 and that was really the ego boost I needed to keep going. 

2) One rule I had when I was writing Night Owls: no starting anything other than NO. I had to be focused. It really paid off. 

With WWN, I bent the rules somewhat and came out with two half-assed one-shots. There’s nothing wrong with one-shots, and I do want to be good at them, but they probably won’t be more than the artistic equivalent of doodles for me. 

I will still keep to that rule for anything else, though. It’s a good rule. Saves everyone a lot of heartache when I start more projects than I can handle and then inevitably abandon them all. 

I’ve finished two reasonably long chaptered stories. I can do another. 

3) My stories tend to balloon. I know that now. 

The outline of WWN was originally 4 chapters and an epilogue- one of those five times fics, kinda like “four times Terezi warded off Vriska and the one time she didn’t”. Clearly, no outline survives contact with the actual writing and that outline went up in flames. 

The premise itself took a big beating, too. It was supposed to be a normal college AU. Terezi and Vriska meet at a nightclub through half-shut eyes and spend the rest of the fic stumbling through hormones and finding each other. 

Then I sat down, wrote them meeting and it was very much not a college AU anymore, lol. That got spun into an outline which got spun into a real story. I’m glad it worked out, and touched on the themes I wanted to- (mostly, Vriska’s upbringing, her horrible mother figure, and the Sollux/Aradia quest for agency/coping with trauma). 

Also there’s a bunch of themes that I wanted to touch, but didn’t happen- Terezi’s big Thing, for one, the indecision. For a main character, Terezi Pyrope ended up irritatingly passive, sort of reacting and being pushed into things more than she initiated them. But then, it kind of worked out- one of the big Things ended up coming from Rose and her perspectives on Fate, and Destiny, and how us puny mortals just Deal in the wake of those things. 

Still. The side character drift might have given it a somewhat disconnected quality. We were chasing the Vrisrezi storyline, the Rosemary storyline, and the Arasol storyline, which only intersect passingly(mostly outside the grocery store, and whenever the Arachnea attacked). While they more-or-less resolved each other I could have put more thought into it(especially the Arasol storyline, most of which took place in the past)

Probably would have made the fic longer, though. And I’ve found that long is the enemy when it comes to me actually finishing. 

This wasn’t a problem in Night Owls because I made the deliberate authorial decision to only alternate between Rose and Terezi’s point of views. The one deviation which I’m annoyed about having to use was the Vriska PoV fragment, but I was too tired by then to think of a better way of showing that particular scene, with all the foreshadowing and past-revealing that it had to include. 

4) What did I learn from WWN? 

One major new thing I did in WWN: illustration. 

Will I be doing that again? Probably not, since illustrating the Shepherd took a solid day. But editing images from Homestuck proved to be much easier than anticipated. So maybe that, when I need to. I feel scummy about it, though. 

It was also an exercise in worldbuilding- how could I convey my world? Night Owls was a fairly generic ‘oh i’ve seen that on TV’ sort of thing, which I can evoke using attention to detail. WWN involves a lot of lurid description of weird spirit stuff, fleshing out details about how spirits interact with people- victims and supplicants. 

I fear that some parts might have been bogged down by the mechanics. The Shepherd’s storyline, especially- I’d had to establish her main mechanic, which is how her True Name grants resurrection, but I couldn’t think of a good way to have another character bring it up- hence, the forums. But Cassandra’s mechanics were also rather difficult to pin down. 

.... and that is in addition to the stuff I was already doing for Night Owls. I’ve never been to California in my life, but I decided to stick this fictional nonexistent city there anyway because why the heck not?

(Maybe one day I’ll actually write a story set in somewhere I’ve actually been. But... probably not) 

As for symbolism, most of it(spirit stuff) was incredibly hamfisted. Vriska’s wings, duh. Spiderweb chains. I know it’ll get the message across, though, so I’m happy with that. 

5) Where do we go from here?

I have a cyberpunk dystopia Roxy-fic bouncing around in my skull(around the same length as this) and a Striderlonde-centric clusterfuck that's set in this universe(current length unknown). But I'm a bit tired of WWN, so I'm thinking cyberpunk-fest, then "working title: dirk tries to summon his long-lost sister, fails fantastically, and rose and dave are on clean up". 

I also have “Terezi Pyrope: long-winded character study, with extensive allusion to The Waste Land by T.S Eliot”, mostly bc Eliot was an elitist dick and knowing that a young woman is writing fanfic based on his literary masterpiece would probably make him spin in his grave and I live for upsetting dead old white men. But that’s probably a long, cathartic project that I’ll start with more free time, and more surety in my skills. I’m also tossing up on illustrating it, because I’m Not Fast when it comes to illustrations and I’m loath to compromise my updating schedule anymore than my already erratic writing schedule does. But some of the imagery is just so good. 

[spicynbachili1]

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey guide: which gameplay mode to choose, exploring Ancient Greece

Your subsequent journey into the Animus is ready throughout the battle between Athens and Sparta, and to say that the Historic Greek world of Murderer’s Creed Odyssey is colossal could be a large understatement. Many few returning options are complemented by the large adjustments that have been introduced with Murderer’s Creed Origins. There’s a slew of latest options too, with a number of endings and the power to seduce a good variety of the Historic Greek inhabitants. On this assortment of guides, we’ll cowl all the things it’s essential know: from which gameplay mode to decide on, the a number of aspect quests, getting the most effective weapons and armour, the way to hunt the Cult of Kosmos, clarify the brand new expertise, and the way to cope with these relentless mercenaries.

Murderer’s Creed Odyssey information

Going down throughout the Peloponnesian conflict, a while between 431-404 BC, this was the conflict that had large penalties with the outlook on Historic Greece, with Athens taking over Sparta. There was a treaty signed in 421 BC, however this was quickly rendered void by ongoing conflicts in Peloponnesus. However with the real looking setting that features giant scale battles, there are additionally loads of aspect quests, mythological beasts to slaughter, and even buried treasure to uncover.

Guides

Facet Quests by area/individual

Kephallonia – The island the place the odyssey begins.

Megaris – Meet with the Spartans making an attempt to take this Athenian territory.

Phokis – An Athenian stronghold with excessive mountains and legendary beasts.

Attika – Dwelling to Athens – the centre of democracy in Historic Greece.

Pirate Islands – A lawless island crammed with treasure.

Naxos and Paros – Two islands continuously at odds.

Obsidian Islands – A battle royale awaits, along with the right accomplice.

Silver Islands – A rebel wants your help.

Messara – A desert island beneath the tyranny of a secretive chief.

Pephka – Dwelling to the sector and plenty of scammers.

Lakonia – Return out of your exile to Sparta.

Kythera – This island is house to a coup.

Demonsthenes – An Athenian normal needs Spartan Polemarch blood.

Lysander – This Spartan normal needs you to kill Athenian Polemarchs.

Alkibiades – A grasp manipulator that wishes greater than your physique.

Sokrates – The explanation that everybody hates ethical philosophy professors.

Olympics – Tackle the Pankration match on the Olympic Video games.

Hippokrates – A doctor who has many ethical dilemmas.

Markos – Your adoptive father is making an attempt to settle in Kos.

Leiandros – A swindler with an ulterior motive.

Selecting your gameplay mode

If you start the sport, you’re given a alternative of issue for fight, however you’re additionally given the between guided and exploration mode. Exploration mode is the meant technique to play the sport, offering gamers with clues, in addition to any fascinating locations which might be marked with a query mark so that you can uncover your self. If you method your goal, it is possible for you to to scout forward together with your eagle – Ikaros earlier than heading into a brand new space. Summon Ikaros with V (PC), or urgent up on the d-pad (Xbox and PS4 controllers). You’ll be capable to zoom in and have a look at enemies and treasure, in addition to any aims within the space. Something flagged will keep up till both useless otherwise you’re too distant.

Guided is way the identical, although quests have waypoint markers and it’s much more beneficiant with the hints, often telling gamers the placement of the place to go in much more element. The guided mode is extra like Murderer’s Creed video games of previous in lots of respects, although some issues are nonetheless obscured till you both discover them utilizing Ikaros or someway discover it by getting shut sufficient.

Exploring Historic Greece

Exploration is fairly self explanatory, however there’s one factor I really feel I would like to emphasize. I do know that is essentially the most totally boring factor in Ubisoft video games, however climbing stuff to get to viewpoints reveals a whole lot of info, comparable to settlements and quests. A minimum of this time nonetheless there’s some fairly… fascinating issues to climb. That big statue of Zeus you see to start with of the sport, you’ll be able to climb that. Sure, you’ll be able to climb round all of it, you soiled scamp!

Lastly, when travelling lengthy distance on foot, experience your horse. You possibly can customise your steed to a specific pores and skin with the assistance of our Murderer’s Creed Odyssey horse skins information, however the horse itself is all the time the identical barely dumb animal. There’s a cheeky little trick for getting on a horse rapidly, as Matt defined in our All the pieces That’s Proper with Murderer’s Creed Odyssey function, which he describes with the next: “One of the best ways to rapidly mount up is to briefly look away from the place you’re going whereas whistling for Phobos.” It’s also possible to run away from it to mechanically mount it within the course you’re operating when it will get shut.

Auto-travelling is completed by setting it to mechanically observe roads, then urgent the target/means level immediate on display. It may go to any quest markers or means factors that you simply place on a map, however preserve an eye fixed out for enemies. You possibly can hearth arrows whereas travelling this manner, unbiased of your horse.

Normal suggestions for Murderer’s Creed Odyssey

Earlier than I am going, I’ll depart you with some suggestions and tips that you need to use in your odyssey:

For those who’re feeling overwhelmed by the variety of enemies attacking you, run far sufficient away for them to lose you and conceal in a bush. Ought to somebody get too shut, you might use this chance to skinny their numbers by whistling to get their consideration earlier than assassinating them.

Use Ikaros greater than as soon as in the event you assume that you ought to be seeing extra enemies. Chances are high that they weren’t in a position to be seen on his first cross.

Endurance is a advantage, so be sure to train it when infiltrating a base or camp. It may take some time for the enemy placement to align in simply the best way it’s essential, however whistling lone guards for straightforward kills can mitigate the danger of getting caught.

For those who’ve unlocked the Sparta Kick means, you need to use it to kick anybody off something excessive to immediately kill them. It gained’t be a quiet kill as they land with a thud, nevertheless it might cope with a hard foe.

No bushes close by to cover a physique? To not fear, you’ll be able to throw them off excessive partitions or conceal them in a spot the place the guards gained’t patrol to maintain them off your scent. Simply be sure you cope with them in the event that they ever come near discovering them.

That’s all the things I’ve for you to this point. I’m nonetheless working my means by means of this huge open-world to have as many guides for you as is bodily doable, so preserve an eye fixed out for fixed updates to our guides, such because the one for Murderer’s Creed Odyssey aspect quests for instance.

from SpicyNBAChili.com http://spicymoviechili.spicynbachili.com/assassins-creed-odyssey-guide-which-gameplay-mode-to-choose-exploring-ancient-greece/

[elddansurin]

there’s a pretty good character development questionnaire going around my dash right now, so i took the liberties of filling the entire thing out on my own time, because buddy, you gotta make your own destiny.

1. Who’s the oldest character of yours that you still use? I had to give this one some thought bc my gut reaction was to say Tuo, but it turns out the answer is Falshavo, because I can explicitly remember drawing him in the hazy, far gone year of early 2006 when I was taking a drivers ed course. He started out as either some bastard of a Silent Hill fanchar, or a heavily SH-"inspired" character, and I think he could have at best been called a demon? I was like 16 when I made him, cut me some slack. In any case, Fal has changed very much over the years, most recently into an original species that can best be described as something visually between a satyr and a manticore, but is actually neither of those things. For quite a while he was based out of my one world, Undecim, but recently I decided he and his ilk would be better suited to my OTHER world, Aphelion. As far as motivations go, he's swapped from evil/crazy/malevolent to a much more nap-based personality. Two things that haven't changed since I've made him, though, are that he's blind in one eye and doesn't talk very much. So there's that.

2. Who’s the oldest character of yours, defunct or not? That honor goes to Jonathan, who was definitely and absolutely a FF7 fan character back when that game was new and I was still in my larval stage. He morphed into a mental illness coping mechanism as my childhood went on and he's just had a whole lot of interesting/embarrassing iterations, but I guess that's to be expected of a character I made in fucking 1997. That said, I retired him a few years ago. Tried briefly to bring him back, but I just wasn't feeling 2.0, so I didn't force it.

3. Has creating a character ever made you realize something about yourself? I was GONNA say no, but then it just dawned on me how much time I spent creating gay male characters in my early teen years before THAT realization caught up with the rest of me. I'm not going to say the characters themselves were involved in the inevitable personal revelation (they weren't), but more than anything I just think it's proof that pieces of my brain do not always work as a cohesive whole. I knew before I knew, so to speak, and it showed up in my characters.

4. Any minor characters that have either taken over or branched off into their own stories? UHHHH Your Boy Kolja was initially a primary antagonist in Mikhail's storyline, back before I decided to fundamentally retool a lot of things about Mik's whole deal. But I'm nothing if not predictable, and I'm a guy who loves a good villain, so I ended up making Kolja FAR more fleshed out and engaging than the actual protagonist of the story. Same thing kind of happened with Anzo, who was initially kind of an offshoot wildcard character in the horrible and confusing political landscape of that entire bed of storylines. But uhhh, that didn't last.

5. Do you prefer to make human, animal, monster, or _____ characters? Why? My characters are all unambiguously human/humanoid. Even the monsters are going to have recognizably human faces because I have a hard time getting emotionally invested in a character otherwise. I'm really not sure the reasons for this. There's a few exceptions, ofc, but not many. Peeling off for a sec, in regards to making characters in TES settings, I definitely am biased toward the elven races because if I wanted to make a human character, I'd do so in own properties. Also the human races in the elder scrolls are kind of... underwhelming...

6. When creating a character, do you come up with the visual concept or the written concept first? Written concept, almost every time. The rare exception is usually with minor and/or lore-based characters, like gods or monsters, since I rarely explore those characters as deeply as I do the regular types. But if I'm making Just Some Dude, I'm probably going to have a full written concept drafted out months to years before I ever get a concrete idea (much less an actual depiction) of what he looks like.

7. Do you have characters that you know you’ll never use, but can’t bear to get rid of/recycle? I'm going to have to go ahead and call back on Jon for this one, largely based in both his history and his significance to me and my own development. He was my primary, go-to character for such a long time, I don't think it'd do him justice to ever properly put him out to pasture or recycle (and I'm a chronic recycler, so that's saying something). He kind of exists in a creative limbo, and that's where he's gonna stay.

8. Is there a character that embodies your good traits, or traits you wish you had? Good traits? In all seriousness, probably. Nothing I am consciously aware of, so cop-out answer on this one. I'm also not really one for wish-fulfillment characters, so that's a no on "person I wish I was" aspect, sorry.

9. Is there a character that embodies your bad traits? Several characters? Which ones and what traits? HAHAHA hoo boy. Gavriil is the embodiment of my general shiftlessness and crippling self doubt, Tuo embodies my crushing depression and self-destructive tendencies, Ludo represents my reoccuring fear that I’m stuck in circumstances so far beyond my control that I ought not bother to try and change, and I'm not even gonna TOUCH on which of my boys were created as blatant outlets for trauma. There's a fun little game for you, try and figure that one out yourself.

10. Is there a character that explores your interests or fetishes (orrrr is that just all of you characters)? Uh, flat no on the "fetishes" part, but yeah, most of my characters tap on my significant interests in some way or another. Most concrete example I think is Desoto, who I designed (or, well, redesigned if we're getting technical) when my interest in astronomy was at its peak, back before I realized physics is something I'm terrible at and makes me cry/change my major in college. I still love astronomy and astrophysics on a conceptual level, but the second you break out equations, I'm gone. My Boy Desoto, though, I have designed to be significantly more likely than me to do math, so good for him. Funny enough? I've never made a character who's into geology. You know, my actual field. Go figure.

11. If you have characters that embody certain traits of yours—good or bad—has writing them changed how you view those traits? Has it affected you in any way? Not really, at least I don't think so. I might wake up in the middle of the night with a better answer screaming to my forebrain, but my gut reaction is a no. I tend to go into writing something with fixed views, and I can't recall an instance of me suddenly deciding "hey, actually this thing is good/bad and I never thought of it this way." I've definitely started viewing the characters themselves differently after starting a project, but never really the traits they personify.

12.   Do you fantasize about being any of your characters, or are you more detached? Definitely the latter. I'm not shy about putting pieces of myself into the characters I make, but at the same time, I really do not see myself in them, nor do I wish to. There's a firm level of detachment in that these are my creations, and rarely do I mold the sort of character where I can in good conscience think "yeah, that's who I want to be." A big part of this is that my character creation/world building habits are and always have been rooted in maladaptive daydreaming (and I have only recently figured out the terminology for a phenomenon I was otherwise well aware of, funny how that works), and that has always been based in me trying to distance myself from who I was (and at times, am). I don't want to put myself into new shoes, I want to focus on someone who isn't me, but has weird, tenuous connections to me. If that doesn't make any sense, pretend that it does.

13. Do you create playlists for your characters? No, and that's based mostly in the sad reality that I stopped seeking out new music years ago. That, and I've never been much of an audiophile, so there'd just be so much overlap in any playlists I created that honestly, why bother. That said, I will occasionally listen to something and think "holy shit, this is ___". First example that comes to mind is Motorhead's Dust and Glass, which is very much the anthem for Ludo. Do me a favor and listen to that song, and you will know everything you need to know about Ludo. Also, I’ve got a handful of songs that make me think very much of Gav, but most recently, I decided that Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street is a good song for him. Like, also for me? But mostly Gavriil. It can be both.

14. When writing for specific characters, is there anything you have to do to get into the right mindset? I've gotta be in the right mood, and that's all it comes down to. I'm still trying to figure out the secret to writing something that's counterintuitive to my mood, but I'm not there yet. I know the answer is "just fucking do it," but here's an idea: shut up? I dunno. I'm a very flaky content creator.

15. Which character is your guilty pleasure? Right now, it is absolutely Gavriil. For a long time I had such an issue with allowing myself to have characters based out of properties that weren't my own, so I started out feeling very self-conscious about putting so much time and thought into Gav. I have since made like eight or nine more TES-based characters in his wake, but some residual sentiment still lingers! See also: I still am too self-conscious to publically share the story I've been writing with him. I'm not sure if that's rooted in me playing in somebody else's sandbox, or if the story itself is coming out of a place of extreme personal vulnerability (I wrote the bulk of it during my recent Complete Mental Breakdown™). Or maybe I'm just self-conscious about my writing in general. Who knows! But at the end of the day I absolutely love Gav and I'm having so much fun working with him. Before him was Kolja for many years, and Tuo before that. Don't get me wrong, I still adore the both of those guys, I just have a new focus for the time being.

16. Is there a character of yours who’s a real struggle to write/draw? Why do you think that is? Right now, definitely Anzo. He started out very different from what he's become, and at the end of the day, I'm still not sure what exactly I'm trying to do with him. I was/am trying to write him in a story, but it's been proving very difficult because I'm just not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with him. Initially, his core concept was based very deeply in a revenge fantasy that had gotten out of control (I mean, it was a justified revenge fantasy, but that still doesn't make it healthy, my dude, my guy). but then I started thinking a bit more about the major events in his life, and if I was making him react believably enough to what he'd endured. That, and by this time I was in some genuine, bonified darkness in my own life, and that started leaking out into the character and story very much. Now I'm stepping back and wondering, is this where I want it to go? If the answer is no, then where SHOULD it be going? I don't have an answer to that yet. So he's a hard character to write, at least for now.

17. Which character is the easiest to draw/write? I wanted to say Kolja, based in how enthusiastic I was for him for such a long time. I could tell you his story from birth to death, and there's only a few small threads that are still unclear in my mind. Unfortunately, this level of enthusiasm has left me with the understandably daunting task of, you know, actually writing it down. There's SO MUCH to sift through, and it's like scaling a damn mountain. It's all there, I can see the whole thing, but fuck me if I'm not in for a climb. I started in on it late last year before retreating to work on something on a bit... smaller of a scale. Gotta work my way up to that. That said, the actual easiest character to write right now is, again, Gavriil. Part of it is that enthusiasm I have for him right now, and another part of it is that his story is based on the main quest of Skyrim which, lets be honest, is an underwhelming plot on the whole. So the plot has already been written out by someone else; I don't have to worry about that. Neither do I have to worry about actually depicting the entirity of said plot, because it's not actually an interesting one. And honestly why are you reading a story of a character from Bad Game Skyrim if you don't at least have some cursory knowledge of how that game's plot goes? The interesting part- to me, at least- is the effect it has on my character. That's what I've been focusing on, and it's been fun.

18. Is there anything you really wish you could do, character-design-wise, that you feel is outside your current skillset? A concept that you wish you could pull off but are uncertain about? Visually? A lot. There's a lot that's outside my skillset, because I don't know how to fucking draw. That's why I shy away from drawing characters who, say, I imagine to have unnecessarily complex tattoo designs. Not only do I not feel like putting in the time to actually depict that, but I also lack the talent to properly do so. It also kind of neuters what I can pull off for some of my more outlandish designs, namely gods and monsters. Kjelchaikhan is the only one of the gods I've drawn so far, and not coincidentally, he also has the easiest design to deal with. I started in on trying to draw Tsenmaer before I realized holy shit, the way I picture her in my head is so far beyond what I'm capable of actually doing. I'm not even going to fucking touch on Archaeos, because that design is going to be... even harder!! Conceptually, not so much. It sometimes happens on a small scale, such as how I've designed Ludo to be a boxer when I know little about boxing and I don't honestly care to learn. But at the same time? His story is based far, far more heavily in the shitty circumstances of his life and how he's trying to worm his way out of that than in the actual "punching dudes in the head for money" thing. That was more a tool to tie him in with the questionable, shady shit that I needed him to be shackled to. "Underground boxing circuit" just sounded like as good of an idea as any, so I figured why not. That aside, most anything I want to write about ends up being something I'm either familiar with based on personal experience, or at the very least am interested in researching for story purposes.

19. What’s more important to you: visual design, unique personality, a trendy character aesthetic, etc? If you’re not sure, then what’s the first thing you usually nail down in a character? Definitely the personality and basic concept. I very much enjoy crafting characters that are fleshed out and generally believable, and I am very much terrible at designing them on a visual scale. Do all my characters end up looking the same? Yes. Does this bother me? No. If it did, I'd fucking do something about it. What's important to me is who a character is when you boil away all the set dressing. Who is he on a conceptual level? What are his motivations? His basic structure? My character creation process is me sitting down and saying "I want to make a character who embodies these basic traits, and is based on this core concept," then building from there. Visual design is always, always an afterthought.

20. Do you ever plan to do anything (comic, animation, etc) with your characters? Or are you just happy to have them? For the most part: Nope! My characters exist primarily to make me happy and give me something to think about when I'm tired of thinking about myself and my life. There's a few that I'm working very much to translate into stories, but even then I hem and haw over whether or not to actually share the content I produce. Part of it is I'm much more self-conscious about my writing than my art. Used to very much be the other way around, up until I stopped considering myself an artist. Now I just kind of shit drawings out from time to time, and if people think they're terrible, that's because they are and I put no effort into what I do. It's the other way around with writing. I very much put effort, care and detail into my stories. More than bad reception, I fear no reception, which is to say that I'd put so much effort into something, put it out there, and go completely ignored. I have no issues with "you suck/your work sucks," but absolute indifference cuts me pretty deep on matters like this. So yeah, that's a significant obstacle between me and content sharing. That, and assuming I did find any degree of an audience, putting my work out for someone else's scrutiny makes it SIGNIFICANTLY harder to go back and retcon. And boy oh boy, I am a notorious an unrelenting retconner.

[murderedfowl-blog]

ok y’all remember how like two days ago i was cryin in the Least Formal manner abt henry’s coping mechanisms & childish nature well here’s a proper(TM) hc post abt it strap in m’dudes here we go i don’t promise it’ll make sense but y’know i will Try

first  &  foremost , i wanna point out specific traits that henry possesses and then i’ll like... go into depth abt them or whatever but alrighty :

01.  finding jokes  /  amusement in everything , even if it is not appropriate to do so 02.  a desire to please   /  obey based on a perceived reward system ,        even if that reward is simply an absence of punishment  03.  a fear of pain despite desiring death  (  &  an exciting death at that  ) 04.  the idea of ‘ power ’ vs ‘ weakness ’  /  a closer look @ certain fears

k so here we go . . .   first off , if we look at henry’s childhood it was not a happy place.  the closest thing they had to positive companionship was animals , the love of other human beings a foreign affair from their earliest memories. even prior to the institution , things were not good  &  i imagine , that like most children , henry tried very hard  (  at first  )  to gain their parents’ love  &  affections  (  there’s some quote that goes like . . .  ‘ mother  /  parents are god in the eyes of a child ’  &  i think that held true for some length of time ??   they v much wanted to please these beings who brought them into the world bc they were , despite it all , very precious to henry  )  via being a ‘ good child ’ i.e. trying to do as told , regardless of what it was.  while i don’t believe their parents simply dumped them in the woods  (  the translations from jpn supports seem to suggest they did ‘ raise ’ them  )  i do believe they were heavily neglectful , most likely not people who wanted a child at all but got stuck with one nonetheless.  there was nothing henry could have done to make their parents fond of them , but ?? that is not a concept they will recognize until later. 

so with that said , from that henry started to learn this idea of ‘ people pleasing ’ that they address a few times  (  the most prominent ones that come to mind are their comment about ‘ if you don’t trust me , you can just kill me ’  &  some comment that is made to robin about how the only order they won’t obey is ‘ don’t fight ’ , but i’ll address that a bit later on  )  and the concept that they didn’t matter particularly , just the whims of those around them , something that was further expanded upon in the institution they were sent to.

from what henry says , we can assume it was not just an orphanage or place to house ‘ unruly ’ children.  they mention spikes being on the floor  &  in a conversation with olivia they state ‘ It was in this institution my parents put me in, right~ there were quite severe punishments for kids who didn't listen -- that kind of stuff happened~ Now that was painful~ ’ which i am positive instilled in them a sense of obedience , further than that which their parents began.  if you acted out , if you failed to do as told , if you fucked up in any capacity , you were subjected to extreme pain  &  near death experiences  (  & frankly , i’m sure henry did watch some kids die while they were there ; accidents happen  &  no one seemed to care very much for these kids  )  and henry has , without a doubt , been subjected to such pain themselves.  which is where this idea of pain = bad  , death = good likely begins to stem from as well ; pain is a prolonged thing , a very bad thing , a sign that you had done something wrong  &  it could hurt for very long periods of time , whereas death , they began to see , was instant release.  to some degree , they were likely jealous of the kids that died , because at least then those kids were no longer suffering , never having to feel pain again. from this whole experience a lot of shit stemmed , not just that.

beyond just this concept of pain is bad , death is good , & a need to do as told , they were forced to normalize certain things at a very young age , those things being death , murder , blood , violence , pain , punishment . . .  etc , etc. essentially , very bad things.  being a kid , ‘ normalizing ’ them meant . . .  not making them a ‘ comfort ’ per-se , but making them familiar in a way that wasn’t negative.  to fear or hate them would have been too much for them to handle , so it had to become a game or an ‘ okay thing ’  &  as such , henry’s fascination with war  /  blood  / death became a coping mechanism , finding familiarity in such things as it was all they ever really knew and were unable to think of it was ‘ bad ’  (  on some level they are , of course , aware that it is not.  a good thing.  but to face that prospect is to face a lot of other shit that a child simply wasn’t prepared to do  &  that now , as an adult , henry is somewhat incapable of doing at present time bc their mind sort of ... stuck ??? them ??? in a child - like state because maturing was too difficult in the given environment  )  and to a child if something isn’t bad then it must be good  ---  right ?  thus comes the commentary of ‘ i love war ’  &  a general chill attitude toward really morbid shit.  but , beyond that , i think what they really appreciate is that they have this very familiar situation and where they are currently , they are not a victim of it. which brings me to point 04. 

henry is not sadistic , in the sense that they do not find joy in the suffering of others  &  even go so far as to promise quick  &  painless deaths to people important to them b/c they understand that pain is a terrifying , awful thing.  however.  they do enjoy being in a position where they are ‘ powerful ’ i.e. in a position where they can inflict these situations vs. having to merely take them , though i think they vastly prefer like . . .  giving quick deaths vs. painful ones , when they are on the battle field.

essentially henry is a scared child  (  ‘ child ’ they’re an adult but y’know. childlike mentality.  )  who doesn’t want to be hurt anymore but only recognizes carnage as a ‘ norm ’  &  takes comfort in the fact that they now have a position in it wherein they may die , but they’re not a victim.  they feel safer in this familiar environment , the way things are now.  fear , i think , is a big motivator for them and they see a lot of things in a  . . .  not necessarily ‘ black and white ’ sort of sense , but a.  ‘ if this is a thing then x isn’t ’ sort of ?? way ??  and there are exceptions and henry is capable of having in depth conversations abt it but like . . .  they don’t want to lmao ?? not if ur gonna argue w/ them.  so there’s that.

but that also brings me back to the ‘ don’t tell me not to fight ’ point from earlier.  what i personally take that to mean is like . . .  ‘ dont tell me to sit back and be hurt  /  let someone be hurt ’  bc that is , in a way , playing the victim again.  being powerless in this sort of a situation.  while henry is a very submissive person , they desperately don’t want to be hurt or put a helpless situation ever again.  there’s a difference between people pleasing and letting yourself be put into a place where you’re actively suffering  &  can’t do anything about it.

oh yeah also henry is aware they’re coping lmao ,,, they know they use laughter and smiles and childlike behavior and the normalization of fucked up shit to get by , they know it’s not.  actually ok. as seen in one of the convos they have w/ ... owain or inigo idr which rn but it’s one of them.  so they’re capable of mature convos. abt this sort of shit but they : ) don’t like to have them : ) as much as they love oversharing that’s the sort of stuff u gotta like... fish out of them  &  they gotta be close to you before you get to the bottom of that can of worms so.

anyway i’m not sure this post had much of a point and it’s a bit all over the place and maybe unclear in some spots but this is how i chose 2 spend a solid hour of my life so here we are...  

[the-little-prophet]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE: CHARLIE LITTLE 

ORIGINS & FAMILY: Name: Charles Boon-Mee Kai Little   Nickname: Charlie, Kai (Kai is Charlie’s chu len-- or Thai nickname.) Reason for name: Charles’ father wanted Charlie to have an English name first and foremost and named Charlie after himself. Boon-Mee is Charlie’s Thai name which means “good fortune.” Kai was the nickname that his mother chose because he was born early and was very small. Kai means chicken. ;) Age: 19 Gender: Male Place of birth: Swynlake, England Places lived since: Nowhere! Number of siblings: Charlie has one stepbrother from his mother’s second marriage. He usually only sees them when he visits his mother-- usually twice a year, hardly ever more. 

Relationship with family (close? estranged?): Dad–Charles “Buck” Little used to be a pro baseball player from Los Angeles California, but an injury early on in his career benched him and ended that career. Instead, Charles “Buck” Little became an insurance agent and got a job working at InterPride until Taka Lyons took over and fired half his department. That was four years ago. Now Buck gets disability insurance and works at Pride U in their IT department.

Mum- Dr. Phailin Dilsworth, formerly Little, formerly Chaisurivirat. First-generation American, became a college professor and found a job teaching at Pride University where she had her first child, Charlie. She was NOT into the magick-friendly thing as much as Charles was and wanted to move for a long time. She blamed Swynlake as a big part as to why Charlie had his chronic sleeping disorder. Eventually she got a job teaching in a school down in Bournemouth and left Charlie and Buck when he was 9 years old. She remarried when he was 10 and moved with her husband, who was also a professor, to Toronto. Charlie talks to his mom on the phone every month or so and sees her for a few weeks in the summer/every other Christmas.

Sylvester Dilsworth- Charlie’s stepbrother-- same age-- who thinks Charlie is a #freak for growing up in Swynlake, aka England’s great failed experiment. Wants to go into Psychology like his dad (thinks Charlie is #crazy). Charlie does not like Syl.

PHYSICAL Height: 5’6 (teeny) Weight: 125 ish idk height Build: Charlie has always been very short since he was a child and grew very slowly. He’s kinda still hoping he’ll put on another inch or two before he’s done growing but… looking pretty hopeless Nationality: English Disabilities (physical or mental, including mental illnesses): Charlie has severe astigmatism in his eyes. He’s severely sleep-deprived and suffers from dissociative episodes. Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birth marks): Olive-toned skin, and a few moles on his face and neck. Often times cuts himself shaving (does it like every few days) and so he’ll have tiny nicks here and there. Also misses lil hairs all the time, look he’s trying Distinguishing facial features: His very big thick glasses lmao and he’s got quite pretty eyes in my opinion, even if they are hidden behind his messy fringe and big, thick glasses.  Round cherub cheeks.

Hair color: Black. Usual hair style: Messy and long-- Charlie never has time to brush his hair in the morning   Eye color: Dark brown Glasses? Contacts?: yes to both though contacts bother his eyes.

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): Charlie comes from a middle-class family and dresses like a typical Brit-- sweaters over collared shirts, that kind of thing. He leans toward hipster-esque if only because he likes comfy sweaters because it’s easiest to fall asleep in haha, and he’s often seen around in pajama pants and zip up jumpers if he slept past his alarm and had no time to change. I would call his style “frumpy nerd chic.” Typical style of shoes: He wears a lot of Toms because they are comfy and easy to slip on, so you know, better than sandals. Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?): Chronically sleep-deprived, Charlie also suffers from migraines. He’s noticed that if he has bad migraines one day, he’ll probably have a night terror. Which stresses him out. And makes the migraine worse. Otherwise, Charlie is a relatively healthy young boy, with pollen allergies in the spring but no other sensitivities.   

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): NGL this could be better but it’s not his fault he’s just very tired. He does take a shower nearly every day (cold showers to wake him up) and does his own laundry so he had clean clothes. But he often does not brush his hair and wears hats to make up for it. Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: None thus far! He does wear a watch. Accent?: Typical brit Unique mannerisms/physical habits: He rubs his eyes a lot and toys with his hair. He cleans his glasses both as a compulsion and because a lot of the time when he tries to rub his eyes he will hit his glasses and need to clean them from all the finger smears.   Athletic?: He’s pretty fast and limber due to yoga and many years spent running from disasters, whether real or imagined. But Charlie won’t be beating anybody up lol INTELLECT Level of education: Completed a nurse’s assistantship and has a pheblotomist’s license. Taking uni courses on the side, hopes to one day be a proper doctor/surgeon. Level of self esteem: Medium-low. Charlie feels like a burden to his father and a freak to other people even though he knows he can’t help his condition. Years of therapy mean he’s pretty in touch with his sense of self though so while he beats himself up, he does have coping mechanisms. He also knows he is trying his best !! Gifts/talents: An excellent drawer, a pretty great cook, and a hard worker. He also has a lot of practical life skills. He’s a practical guy. Shortcomings: He can struggle to concentrate because of his health issues, he’s pretty cowardly and paranoid, he overreacts, he’s a bit socially awkward (not in a shy kind of way-- Charlie is actually outgoing ish but because he doesn’t have many friends he doesn’t understand a lot of the social cues. His desperation for friendship is also Not Attractive). Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.): Nervous talker for sure. Doesn’t stammer, just goes on and on and on. Definitely overshares when nervous. “Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?: Left-brained.Charlie is deductive, rational, and wants to be a doctor someday. His secondary -claw is super strong and he craves an explanation for things and hates that he doesn’t have one for his night terrors. The fact that it could be magic also doesn’t comfort him but scares him, despite growing up in Swynlake (hey he thought he was a Mundus all the time ok!) beccause he doesn’t uNDeRstanD and can’t conTrol it. Artistic?: Yes, uses charcoal and pastels. Mathematical?: Yes, he’s p good at math. Languages? Just English. He once spoke in Tongues during one of his Doomer episodes but that was probably a glitch haha. His mother never taught him any Thai.

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: Logic, always logic.

Neuroses: Thinks World Is Ending At All Times

Life philosophy: uh don’t die? Do the good you can with the tools you have. Be Prepared-- Two is one, and one is none (aka hvae two of everything; its a prepper mantra). 

Religious stance:  Is starting to explore aspects of buddhism which is tied to his Thai culture (something he’s very distanced from especially because his mother no longer lives with him and she was pretty removed from it too) and hopes will help him with his night terrors.

Cautious or daring?:  Cautious Optimist or pessimist?: Pessimist- the world is literally always ending.

Extrovert or introvert?: Ambivert, leaning to introversion. If Charlie had friends, he’d probably prefer smaller get togethers and that kind of thing but he would totally socialize and likes talking to people and working together in group projects charlie it is so sad that school is your main form of interaction.   Level of comfort with technology: Very comfortable. True millennial. Instagram, Twitter, FB, blog. He depends on his phone and computer a lot for his social life/coping mechanisms. He definitely has internet friends who are doomers like him.

RELATIONSHIPS Current marital/relationship status: Single Sexual orientation: Bi. Charlie doesn’t really think about romance that much because he’s mostly preoccupied with Death but he had a crush his bff as a smol boy (who was also a smol boy) and also has crushed on girls from afar (and tbh probably kinda crushes on Minnie a bit because she’s so pretty and kind to him). He never really questioned it and so its a nonissue for him. He would like to have a romantic life one day but kinda thinks its impossible like who would like him he’s CRAZY. He can’t even sleep a whole night thru let alone with another person in the bed.

Past relationships: As a boy, he had a crush on his bff at the time--Nate. Nate’s family moved away following one of Swynlake’s disasters bc they weren’t gonna fuck with that shit.

A social person? (popular, loner, some close friends, makes friends and then quickly drops them): Charlie is not afraid to strike up conversation and sort of accepts his reputation as a Crazy Person so that helps deal with any social anxiety (he’s too busy with his generalized anxiety thanks hahahah.) He has a few people in his classes who are willing to work with him on projects and stuff, a few internet friends-- but otherwise he considers a lot of the patients at the hospital his friends… problematic charlie ur friends r gonna die

Most comfortable around (person): His...cat? SECRETS Life goals: Charlie has always wanted to be a doctor. He wants to be able to respond to medical emergencies like the ones that he’s seen, so he’s thinking of trauma surgery but is open to other paths (he’s also pretty interested in neuro because of his own disorder; he also loves kids, so pediatrics). Just as long as he can help people.   Dreams: it would be nice to have a normal one whats that like   Greatest fears: Death, dying, disaster. And that he’ll be helpless in the face of all that and can’t save the ones that he loves. Also that he’s gonna be a lowkey embarrassment to his father for the rest of his life. Most ashamed of: His night terrors and the fact that he drove his mom away (he didn’t). Compulsions: Snacking. He snacks a lot during the night and when he watches tv. Obsessions: Watching the Golden Girls a lot, also the impending apocalypse which he had been prepping for since he was small.   Secret hobbies: ...being a prepper…. Is that a hobby…astronomy also thats more normal !! Secret skills:... prepping… Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): none thank god What he/she most wants to change about his/her current life: Find a cure for his illness/curse What he/she most wants to change about his/her physical appearance: Charlie would really like to be TALL. His dad is very tall and he got none of those genes and he feels like a pipsqueak and kind of helpless and he sort of is. So number one: TALL. Then he’d like to not have glasses and one day wants to get laser eye surgery to correct his vision, especially if he wants to be a surgeon.

DETAILS/QUIRKS Night owl or early bird?: Night Owl bc he’s terrified of sleeping. Light or heavy sleeper?: heavy sleeper. When he is sleeping, nothing can wake up but like, his dreams or his father shaking and yelling at him. He sleeps like he’s dead lmao Favorite food: Spicy food is his fave. Loves sushi, also loves chips and potato crisps and snack foods in general. When he’s too tired to cook, he’ll just eat an entire bag of crisps.   Least favorite food: Charlie isn’t a fan of a lot of red meats, like burgers and stuff. Favorite book: uhhhh mmmmm charlie isnt a big reader, he’s usually watching television. If he’s reading, he’s reading medical cases and articles.   Least favorite book:  horror story books Favorite movie: old musicals, honestly-- Hello Dolly, Pajama Game, that kind of thing. Very soothing. Probably LOVES It’s A Wonderful Life. Least favorite movie: horror movies leave him alone Favorite song: gosh idk Least favorite song: idk eIETHER probably does not metal Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: crunchy Lefty or righty?: leftY Favorite color: green or brown Cusser?: er, a bit, normal youngin. He doesn’t curse in front of adults though he’s pretty good about that. Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Charlie has had a few drinks here and there a social drinker if anything. Though he does wonder if drinking a lot could squash the dreams though this is a bad path for him to wander down. He has also thought the same about #drugs but is kind of a wimp and so he hasn’t tried any...yet Biggest regret: Charlie feels like he was a big part of the wedge that drove his mother to divorce his father because they had diff ways of dealing with charlie’s condition aka-- his mother wanted to deal with it and his father didn’t. This isnt really true, just another thing the two disagreed on. Pets?: A cat that his mom left behind! She’s old and fat and grey and her name is Emily

[zorua-adorable]

#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking #but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid #him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve #which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know #if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing— #severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs #and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!! #i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be #very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids #bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain #or sev or yarne or noire) #and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success) #i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life #which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back #also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao #anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this #but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve #and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely

Ann cannot stop me from sharing her great tags with the world. For this being a stream of consciousness, it’s VERY eloquent; to be expected of my girl, the resident Inigo expert.

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng