#because it's a fun challenge to write something different from what i normally write

[semperama]

Strong-Willed, Weak-Kneed

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz Additional Tags: Wall Sex, First Time Words: 5500 Summary:

“Okay,” Eddie says. He’s amazed at how steady his voice sounds, even as he flings them both over the edge of the cliff. “You’ve proven you can hold me up for—thirty seconds. That doesn’t mean you could fuck me like this.”

I wrote this for the @weewookinkmeme! Posting it to AO3 now. :)

[sungjinhos]

I THINK WE MARRIED IN VEGAS

✷ You and Jeonghan have always been friends, and friends go on a trip together, right? And somehow friends always end up marrying in Las Vegas right? And somehow friends become roommates as well right? That all seems very normal when Yoon Jeonghan has a weird addiction to doing the dumbest things ever just for shock value.

✷ genre: comedy (?), angst, smut (minors don't interact)

✷ word count: 28.244

✷ featuring: Yoon Ttoram, Choi Seungcheol, Lee Seokmin, Kim Mingyu as the unnamed satan-spit roommate one night stand, and Xu Minghao as the gothic impasto painter guy. 

✷ thea’s note: hey y’all this is my longest fic yet so I’m weirdly proud. I had fun writing this and trying to figure out how to build this Jeonghan and yes I did rewatched the birth of Ttoram while writing this. By the way - love you guys but the whole credit/debt/buying a house is just for plot I do not know how any of this works in America (and it is mainly set in America because I needed Vegas lol) <3 So bear with it. Also thanks to @wongyuuu for keeping me company in this nanowimo challenge, and thaks to @toruro Mika you are the best <3 thank you for reading this 

✷ Smut warnings under the read more ✷

✷ smut count: lost count of how many times Jeonghan thought he was going to cum on his pant, 1 dick sucked, teenagers level of horniness, non penetrative sex still sex, a lot of kissing, a 3 second of cumplay still a cumplay i guess. 

"Should we do it?" you hear Jeonghan ask, his face focused on something outside the car’s window. The lights of all the neon signs dance on his face and features—like a scene from a movie. He looks tired and overworked even though you are somewhat on vacation.

"Do what?" you ask, trying to understand what he meant. Maybe he was talking about a hotel spa and you missed the beginning of the sentence because you were too lost in your own thoughts? Yeah, a message would be a lifesaver right now.

"That," he says, pointing at one of the hundreds of little chapels in Las Vegas. This one has a deal sign in big and bold letters—an Elvis Presley priest, a bouquet, a professional photographer, and a bottle of champagne for half the price. Well, you never thought about off-season in Vegas, but maybe business was a little rough at this time of the year, but to be quite honest that did seem like a great deal—the shopaholic in you would fall for it if it didn’t involve marriage.

"Are you drunk already?" you ask. Even though you have known the man for years, you still can’t read Jeonghan properly.

Sometimes you think about how he is a book that is written in a different language, and you couldn’t have access to him without a dictionary on the side. Jeonghan does look like a classic—he is well put together, he is fancy, and he would be one of those books that have an embellished spine—the prettiest book on your bookshelf. But at the same time, he is one of those books that need commentaries on every page because somehow the author didn't care about giving enough context or didn't think his work would survive so many years. And one that the storylines end up being totally fucked up, so basically a Russian classical.

"No, I'm painfully sober," Jeonghan says while leaning his head on the window of the car. It almost makes you laugh when you hear the loud sound of him bumping his head, even the Uber driver who didn’t utter a word turns his head back. "It's just," he starts again, "I heard Seungcheol talking about it, and it seems nice to be married."

"What are you talking about?” you say in disbelief,  “Seungcheol is not married yet, he is having a bachelor party in Vegas. He is drinking his weight in alcohol and spending the college tuition of his firstborn in the casino. You and him know about the same thing about marriage, which equals barely anything."

“Yeah but he did talk about all the perks—Oh thank you,” he notices that the Uber finally arrived at the hotel feat casino and all the Vegas shenanigans. Jeonghan holds the car door for you, like a true gentleman—you almost scoff. “What I was trying to say is, Seungcheol did talk to me about being married, it doesn’t feel like a bad deal at all.” Again, he holds the door for you.

“So we should just get married in Vegas because Seungcheol said it is a great deal?” you ask Jeonghan like he said the stupidest thing ever, which is partially true. It was one of the stupidest things he’d ever said to you, and you’ve known the man for years—you’ve witnessed a fair  amount of his stupidity, all laced with his all-knowing smile. Every time you tried to understand what he was talking about it always left you feeling like this man was insane.

“I mean? What would you lose?” Jeonghan asked, crossing his arms after pushing the elevator buttons—one for your room, the other one so the door closes faster (he is one of those people).

“A lot?” you say almost laughing. What the fuck? It resonates in your mind, almost like the words are bumping the walls of your cranium, like the old Windows 98 screensaver logo.

“Yeah? Like what?” Jeonghan asks and the ping of the elevator makes sure both of you know that it arrived before opening the door.

“Freedom,” you say, trying to stay normal and not succumb to Jeonghan—you both hear someone saying,“Hold!” across the hall. Jeonghan just smiles and clicks the button to close the door. Maniac really, without basic education. To be fair though, it was a frat dude with another frat dude who could wait for the next elevator without dying, but still.

“Come on, you are a book editor. You love everything that has nothing to do with freedom, you love rules and everything that shackles you.” You scoff hearing Jeonghan’s words.

You want to argue, you want to kick and scream and pick a fight because is he basically calling you boring right? He is totally calling you the most boring person he’s ever met, and you are in Vegas - and still, somehow, you are the boring girl. But he is right about it—you do not leave your comfort zone, you do not do crazy very well, and you don’t even drink that much because losing control of situations makes you slightly insane. And Jeonghan is right because he is one of your closest friends, and you talked about it with him, he even knows how this is a recurrent topic in your therapy. Asshole.

“Well, still don’t give me the urge to marry you, your sales points are awful—how do you hold your job?” You ask side eyeing your friend, well, if you wanted to marry someone calling them boring is not the right way to do it.

“I do a better job when I need to sell to investors, I’m not giving my all right now since you are not paying me,” Jeonghan says, leaving the elevator and looking back at you. Well, not giving your all when you are asking someone for marriage - number two mistake.

“I’d hope so, otherwise your name would be number one in the next layoff,” you say rolling your eyes.

“Come on,” Jeonghan scoffs. “You didn’t hear Seungcheol talking about the benefits," he says, opening the door to your shared hotel door. The deal was to sleep in a weird hotel that may have bedbugs or share a room and a bed with Jeonghan in a more upscale hotel whose bathroom didn’t look like a crime scene. Not a difficult decision, to be quite honest.

“Is Seungcheol now a pro-marriage coach?” you ask, taking off your shoes and leaving your bag on the nearest chair.

“Probably, I mean, the side money would be crazy,” he says, taking off his watch and leaning against the table, again crossing his arms. “What I meant is did you ever think about the tax deduction, health insurance benefits, leave benefits? Also, Seungcheol did remind me that the bank raises the chance of getting approved credits if the spouse has a great credit history.” 

“Yet he is the one marrying because he loves his girlfriend,” you remind Jeonghan, because apparently he is forgetting one the key ingredients of marriage in contemporary societies - love, affection, and a dose of “I love you but leaving with you every time you forget the toothpaste open is making me thinking about how life in hell would look like.”

“Right,” Jeonghan scoffs, making you even more curious.

“What would you need credits for?” you ask. Jeonghan is an unmarried and childless man, who works on investments, travels twice a year, and has a car. You on the other hand work in a crumbling industry - books, who reads books? - don’t travel a lot and your car is like twelve years old.

“Marry me and I tell you,” Jeonghan answered without letting the ball drop, quick on his feet like always, you could never catch this man.

“Tell me and I will think about it,” You try to pry.

“A house.” He says earnestly.

Again - you know Jeonghan, and you know your friend is a lunatic, but you also know when he is being completely honest with you. The man did want that house, which was completely weird. Jeonghan was a city guy, he was living in a rented apartment sure, but it was a great apartment, it even had a view. He worked downtown, why would he need a house?

“A house?” You try again, trying to get more details of what the heck is making your friend go crazy out of a sudden.

“Yeah, a house.” He says shrugging like it is the most common thing ever, maybe it is a well-known scheme of marrying for taxes and credits that you don’t know, maybe you are late. Maybe you are outdated putting together marriage and love in the same sentence, maybe, the world has changed. “Will you marry me?” Jeonghan asks you in his dullest voice ever like he is tired and completely bored.

“No.” You deadpan.

“Come on, at least pretend that you are thinking about it,” Jeonghan says, lying on the bed horizontally, his face is now closer to you and his legs are too big so they hang out of the bed, like a kid almost. “It has four bedrooms so you can move and say fuck you to Laurel the accountability girl.”

Well, that makes you think about it. He should have started with that. Maybe if he just proposed a new roommate scheme you would’ve said yes in the uber.

“I don't hate her that much,” you lied through your teeth, you hated that girl. You blamed the real state crisis because the rent was crazy, sharing the apartment was a good deal on paper, and half of the rent money went to your savings account so you could live in peace - Jeonghan actually advised you on how to save and where to invest if you wanted to retire quickly, but you never really thought about buying shares and selling shares and the whole ordeal.

“Fuck you,” He laughs, “every week I have to hear you complain how she lets food go bad and how it leaves your fridge stinky enough to make you almost puke, and that only happens when she doesn't food go bad on the kitchen counter or wait, do you remember when she forgets to lock the door two times last week?”

“Well, I am sorry if I have listened to true crimes podcast enough to be actually aware of the horrors of being a woman and how serial killers are out there just waiting for you to sleep with the fucking door open,” you say like you are the most reasonable person ever.

“And you are right, what I am saying is that I would lock the door so no one can enter the house, I would be a better roommate.”  

“Sure we do not have to marry to be roommates we can look for suitable places in our price range,”

“Look at this,” Yoon Jeonghan says, fiddling with his phone, “It has four bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, the kitchen is great, it has a backyard and a solarium.”

“Fuck-”  You say, sitting on the bed, your thigh close enough to his arm that you feel the warmth of his skin, “that’s, that's crazy.” 

“I know,” he says turning on the bed and closing his hand on his stomach like he is dead, just staring at the ceiling, “The price is not bad either, one of my clients is trying to sell so he can invest in a new startup so it is not actually in the market right now but will be in a few weeks so-”

“Did you try to get the loan?”  You ask, finger still going on his phone looking at different pics of this completely perfect house. All the rooms were big, and with natural light - crazy. The Solarium looked like a thing out of this world. And you could see yourself living there, if you had enough money you could live the dream, but that house was just out of your price range. God, with that garden you could have a dog. Damn.

“I don't want to pay interest to a bank,” Jeonghan almost whines, because he knows how this whole thing works and how he would have to pay the loan and half of the loan because banks are greedy bastards.

“Can I have two bedrooms?”

“What do you need two bedrooms for?” Jeonghan asks, finally looking at you and dropping his i-am-almost-dead act.

“My room, one office,” you explain. You know the office would be the one with two larger windows facing the garden. Oh what a joy - to build a life you would never live, it was indeed one of your favorite hobbies, maybe that’s why you love books so much.

“Ok, I guess. I can make something out of the basement.” Jeonghan replies nonchalantly making you laugh.

Maybe that’s why you two were friends, you had a great time speaking nonsense to one another. You both just kept feeding into whatever fantasy you built, like reality could not touch everything. You and Jeonghan had this weird pattern of just sitting, eating and talking for hours and hours about whatever that had nothing to do with the truth. What would you do if you won the lottery? What would you do when you retire? What would you do if you woke up on a desert island? What would you do if your boss was imprisoned for embezzlement? Ok not the last one, scratch that, this one actually happened.

“I can give you 5% of the price tag, and we can share the loan if it matches my current rent price range, but we need to actually draft something with a lawyer later so we can only sell the house to ourselves, I don’t trust you enough to buy this house without a lawyer on my side.”

“Dude-” Jeonghan jerks on the bed, he sits and turns his body to face you. “Wait, do you hate Laurel that much?”

“Yoon Jeonghan, do you want a marriage to up your credit score or what? I paid my student loans in record time, the banks love me.” 

“I don’t know if you are joking or not,” He tells you. 

"Can you call room service?" You ask heading to the bathroom, while you tie your hair - like you are preparing yourself for a dire work task - maybe talk to a translator about a deadline, they are worse than writers, "I think we will need more alcohol." 

"Wait," you hear Jeonghan's voice echo through the door, "are we actually gonna do it?" 

You are joking. 

And you know Jeonghan was too. With the years of knowing him, you knew that the majority of things that left Jeonghan's mouth had a shock value purpose. Induce distress first, we talk about truth later - or never. That made you 100% sure that you would never marry that man. You knew him enough - twelve years, since high school. He knew you as well - he knew all your teenage traumas, all of your romance fiasco, and he met all of your exes. 

You would never, never, marry that man.

Right?

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

When you open your eyes and the white ceiling greets you, you can hear yourself groaning almost involuntarily. Your head aches. You know you will regret everything that happened the night before, even though you don't know what actually happened, and what you need to hold yourself accountable for. But you know the taste of a life-changing hangover that has a side dish of regret and a cup of shame to go. But it couldn’t possibly be so bad right?

Ok, maybe moving your body was not the very first thing to do. You try to open your eyes again. Well, at least you were in your own hotel room. Jeonghan is by your side, his arm across your stomach and somehow his face is near your armpit. You try to sniffle yourself, but so far doesn't like you are actually stinky. Your deodorant was doing a great job so far, maybe it actually has a 24-hour action or something like that.

You try to lift yourself up, sitting in the bed, head in hand because everything spins. Oh God help you. Besides the headache you feel sticky and sweaty, and all gross. You can't believe you didn't shower, and if you didn't shower you didn't take your makeup off, and if you didn't take your makeup off you totally threw your 43-day steak of doing your skincare routine. Fuck. Maybe you could just delete the app, or pretend that yesterday never happened. Deal with the blank day that screams how bad you fucked up was not an option though, it would never happen.

“What the fuck did we drink?” You hear Jeonghan's hoarse voice. You take the hands off your eyes, the clarity feels like punching your cornea and brain, and Jeonghan's state is not very different from yours, his shirt is open and ruffled, his arms are shielding his eyes from the light entering the room, his hair is messy and he looks like he needed four days of sleep.

“Fuel? Petrol? Satan spit in a cup?” You answer dropping yourself on the bed again, every joint of your body aches. It is ridiculous how you feel trapped in a 90 years old body, and like that is not enough you feel nauseated beyond words. And every time you can feel and hear Jeonghan breathing it feels like it is piercing your skull, would be rude to ask your friend to stop breathing and just stay completely still? He would understand, right?

“Do you think room service can get us some painkillers?” He groans lifting himself up this time, “Or maybe a gun?”

“Can you call them? I think I will puke if I sit for more than half a minute,” you say, your hand going into your mouth as if it would actually help if the worst-case scenario happened.

“I think I can, the problem is that you need to get me the phone,” Jeonghan tells you groaning between words. His hand points to the object and there is no way in hell you are moving to get that, that would mean you getting up and turning and being alive altogether.

“I can't I told you I gonna puke,” you try to explain how serious your condition - also known as hangover - is.

“It is by your side of the bed" He groans again and yet he sounds just like a petulant child, maybe it is a gift.

“I can't I will puke on the carpet it only makes things worse,” you try again, “or worse I can puke on the bed, you included in the radio of the vomit you know it splashes.”

“Ok, stand still,” Jeonghan says, “don't kick me, I'm doing it for both of us”

And you do as you are told because being still right now is the only thing you can do - even moving your eyeballs seems too much right. So Jeonghan just dropped his body on top of yours, he is also sweaty, and he reeks of alcohol. Damn, he actually smells like gasoline. He picks up the phone and presses a few buttons. His body is still above yours, pressing into you.

“Be quick you are pressing my blade," you say after the surprise of having him against you fazes out.

“What the fuck do you need to pee or vomit? Ah yes, hello,” He says changing his voice in the middle of the sentence from something that says intimacy is a disease to his customer service voice without pausing, “hm do you guys have room service that includes painkillers?” He waits, nodding his head as he hears something before he remembers his on the telephone. “Oh okay, thank you, can you send it? Oh yeah great, yes if you can do that, yes, pancakes, toasts with poached eggs and avocado, coffee hmm” he thinks about it, looks at you, thinks about a second or two, and then adds, “Can you send us four cups of coffee? Thank you.”

Jeonghan finishes the call with a groan leaving his mouth, he places the phone on its holder. But when you think he will get himself off of you he only plops down, his body weight getting heavier. His bones poking your body, what the fuck he was doing with your elbow on your ribcage?

“Jeonghan what the fuck-" You complain, trying to kick your legs in a vain attempt to make your friend move.

“I got us painkillers and food, let me recharge for a bit stop complaining,” Jeonghan says in a dead tone of voice, almost like he is dealing with a kid throwing some type of tantrum - the only thing is that, in this occasion, the child is you and somehow you want to kick his shin, because you are the one right in this situation, and you could totally just plop down in a mall disgusting floor if Yoon Jeonghan was your father too.

“You are heavy!” You try again but somehow Jeonghan is stronger than you think and his body is still over yours like nothing is happening, maybe you are just dehydrated and fucking muscle-less, maybe the yoga wasn’t doing much when you almost killed your liver.

“I am not,” Jeonghan says, now he is the one being the moody child in the supermarket, maybe he will go off without parental supervision. Oh wait, this was Yoon Jeonghan he actually did wander away when he was out about with his parent and ended up three blocks away just because he saw an ice cream truck. Jeonghan was the easiest kid to be kidnapped, you ask yourself how he ended up being safe and sound, and in one piece.

“Just because you are skinny it doesn’t mean you aren’t heavy.” You try again pushing on Jeonghan bony shoulder, even that is pointy. “bones are heavy too, get off of me!”

“You kind of stink," Jeonghan says, his head still lodged in the space between your neck and shoulder.

“Well you asshole you are not better yourself, and you are stinky too and sticky like you showered in bear or something.”

“Maybe I did, I don’t know I can't actually think,” He groans finally trying to lift himself up, “We should shower,” he says sitting on the bed and looking down at you.

“You go first,” both of you say at the same time

You end up going first. Mainly because you needed to pee and you think that once you are up you may as well just use the opportunity to shower otherwise you would just drop dead on the floor and never get up again - you will be stinky and gross forever. Also, you think that if hell breaks loose and Jeonghan actually pukes you at least already used the shower. Back in college, he puked on the sink because it was the closest thing to the door, or whatever poor excuse he came up with, and that scene still haunts you, because somehow the sink was clogged. Ew, you think, finishing peeing and wiping yourself up. You wash your hands and say thank you for your past self because your necessaire is splayed on the counter, you pick up your face wash and head to the shower. Ok, let's deal with it. You need to wash your hair too. You open the register, letting the water hit your foot in an attempt to get just the perfect temperature.

You close and open the registers a few times - to fix the temperature, but you not gonna lie, to make up your mind too. But when you let the water hit your face - in an almost drowning attempt, you know you made the right decision, shower first was the only option. You let the water wash away for a few minutes until you are ready to really start your shower. First step - wash your face. Well, you needed to buy a new face wash this one was in its last few stages of life, you close your eyes and start to rub against your skin, normal, until you few something slightly different on your hand - almost like scratching the skin, you open your eyes and you finally notice, a band on your finger.

You turn your hand and it finally hits you.

It is a ring.

With a big rock.

In your ring finger.

A big damn rock on your ring finger.

“Yoon Jeonghan” you scream in horror.

On the other side of that door, Jeonghan just hears you scream. He actually picks himself up in record time and room towards the bathroom, oh shit did you just fall and hit your head? Did you break the glass of the fancy hotel shower? Are you dying? So without thinking much Jeonghan opens the bathroom door and he just finds you - completely naked and seemly okay, just staring at your own hand.

“What happened?” He asks trying to catch his own breath, maybe he does need to start working out man, he didn’t feel this horrible when he was hitting the gym after shifts, but also he didn’t feel that great either the whole gym rat thing was not his ordeal.

“What did we do?” You ask still in complete horror, not even thinking about how this is the first time Yoon Jeonghan, your friend is seeing you completely naked. 10/10 would not recommend this experience. Not even to Laurel, her satan spit roommate.

“What? Are you going crazy? I thought you fell and opened your skull or something,”

You just look at Jeonghan, dead in his eyes, like the reality is worse than falling in the bathroom, opening your skull and calling the paramedics naked. You just turn your hand to him - like it is enough to make him understand what a dire situation it is. And you swear to god you can almost see the little flakes of light on the bathroom floor, the rock is big enough to shine across the room.

“Did you call me to show me your ring? Couldn’t you wait until you put your clothes on?” Jeonghan asks leaning into the doorway.

“Jeonghan did we-” you say but you feel your own throat closing around itself, it can’t be right?

“Hm?” he asks without a blink of an eye.

“Oh we did, we totally did," you sighed, more to yourself than to Jeonghan.

“No, you are not that crazy,” he claimed. What is that even was supposed to mean? He was crazy enough for it but you the two goody shoes wasn’t?

“Jeonghan check your bank receipt,” you demanded, trying to connect the dots in a way, trying to find a physical proof, maybe you just bought a way too expensive ring for yourself, or maybe it was just impulse buying.

Before you can move Jeonghan almost runs towards the room, you try your best to keep up with him but you are a little behind because for the first time, you actually are aware of how naked you are. You pick up the fluffy bathroom robe - yeah the fancy hotel had its perks.

“Oh fuck” you can hear Jeonghan before you can see him, his phone it’s on his lap, his head is on his head - he is a man defeated.

“Did we?” You try to probe, but your voice sounds weird in your own ears - almost small, and the reality hits you, you are kinda scared. The reality of maybe having fucked up hits you like a trunk, you always been a nice girl, you never fucked up - at least not that bad, what would you mean if you married on a drunk whim?

“I think,” Jeonghan says, his hand on his greasy hair, fuck he needed a shower. “I think we fucked up real bad.”

You sit beside Jeonghan, you both staring at the wall ahead of you in disbelief. You are still gross, but now your damp hair is actually dropping on the bed and you can’t bring yourself to care. The fact that Jeonghan is motionless by your side without uttering a word is what freaks you out more. Jeonghan is not someone who is fazed so easily - his mouth is agape and his eyebrows furred, the ‘i-am-utterly-stressed’ Jeonghan feature is what freaks you out really.

“Ok Hannie,” you breathe softly. “That’s what we are going to do, I am going to shower, then you are going to shower, we gonna eat breakfast, then we are going to return this ring, then we are going to call Joshua, he is a lawyer, right? He probably will know what to do.”

“Joshua is a real estate lawyer,” Jeonghan mutters without blinking.

“Jeonghan focus!” You say getting out of bed, “divorce is a thing we don’t need to stay married.”

You take one of the longest showers in human history. You needed a good shower, but, the majority of the time under the shower you think about how the hell you got so drunk to marry Jeonghan. Some flashes of memory blink on the forefront of your mind every time you blink; a vegas chapel, not an Elvis but an Elton John in front of you, Jeonghan picking one of the most expensive ring in a fancy story. How the fuck fancy jewelry runs for twenty four hours?

Every flash comes with a sharp pain, the fucking headache.

When you get out of the bathroom the breakfast is already in the room. You take a bit of egg and toast just so you can shove coffee down your throat without having to deal with the stomach pain. You search the ring case and don’t find anywhere, maybe it is safe on Jeonghan’s thing, maybe he kept it safe, or you hope so. When you sit on the bed you stare down the ring, it is a beautiful ring and you are pretty sure it is something Jeonghan chose, it is beautiful, but at the same time, it is just too much.

You need to return it, no doubt about it.

You try to take the ring one and somehow it doesn’t even budge. You scoff, what a tricky little thing. So you try again, and again the thing doesn’t move. You can feel the drop in your blood pressure, what the heck? You lost track of the time when Jeonghan opened the bathroom door and you looked at him in shock, you look down at your red and bloated finger.

“This shit is stuck in my finger?” You say trying to take off one final time before just breaking your finger.

“Well, I think this is a good time to tell you,” he starts his voice all weird and over the place, “I kinda fucked up.”

“Jeonghan we are apparently married I already know we fucked everything up.”

“No, I-” Jeonghan begins, his hands now going through his washed hair, still wet and dripping on the floor, “I found a shred receipt and an invoice.”

“What the fuck?” You almost yell in pure knee-jerk reaction.

“I think it is yours now?” Jeonghan shrugs, like it is not a big deal even though you know that this ring is expensive, it must be, it has a giant rock and even though you know close to nothing about jewelry it looks expensive.

“What happened to us?” You question.

“You ask me? You don't remember anything?" Jeonghan says sincerely, and you know it is true. Jeonghan was kind of a prankster, he kinda did push people to its limit, but part of it was just doing fun things but also harmless shit. Like entering the beach at night, or hiding someone’s phone and pretending they did leave in the hotel so they can enjoy the trip without being bombarded by their special someone - read Seungcheol yesterday at lunch.

“Can we call Joshua?”

“I think we can do that later,” Jeonghan checks his watch, “I think it would be wiser just to show up to Seungcheol’s lunch and pretend that mini golf is fun, it would bring suspicious otherwise.”

“Jeonghan we married we didn’t commit a crime,” you say looking at him in disbelief.

“Do you want to deal with Seungcheol’s monologue about us getting married? I don’t think I want to deal with that with a killer hangover after a wedding walk of shame in fucking Las Vegas,” he drops. And God, that really sounds like a nightmare.

“Yeah,” you say looking at the big rock on your thing, “you are right, but we should probably still call Joshua,”

“I told you he is a real state lawyer didn’t I?” He says almost rudely to you, and you want to say that if you two are married both of you said yes it is not like you are the only one responsible for it but you try not to push his buttons.

“And what is your option Jeonghan?”

“I’m thinking about just getting drunk again so I can forget everything that is happening right now.”

What a fucking great idea.

Seungcheol is one of Jeonghan’s closest friends from college. Seungcheol just became your friend because you and Jeonghan were weirdly bound at the hip. You both shared your high school years, and when you two enrolled at the same university you only had two options, pretend you two didn’t know each other, or become conjoined twins. Jeonghan was a business major, you were enrolled in every class that had literature, poetry, or the name of a dead guy on it. But still, you and Seungcheol became great friends even though he is a finance guy. And Seungcheol was the reason you two were on a Vegas trip, the last trip of his life as an unmarried man, he had to make a sketchy deal with his fiancé in order to it to happen but still, according to him, it was worthy.

“Nice shot!” You hear Seungcheol's voice loud, bringing you back to reality. He is clapping as Seokmin - one of his other friends from work hits the ball down the hole.

Seungcheol’s voice, loud and clear, brings you back to reality.

Oh the joys of playing mini golf before lunch, you could spend days and days talking about how much you loved the idea and how every hole seems like a fucking nightmare but you are a married woman. Needless to say this whole situation wasn’t in your 2023 bingo card. You don’t pay attention when it is Jeonghan or Seungcheol’s turn, you wait until you have to put the ball in the hole, it probably takes you double the time, and then it starts again, ad infinitum. At least they are kind enough to not pressure you to perform like Tiger Woods or something.

You think about Jeonghan though. Somehow, he hasn’t changed. Jeonghan was the same Jeonghan you met in high school, of course, he matured and the years turned into baggage, but Jeonghan was still your friend who was playful enough to get married on a whim. Jeonghan was everything you weren’t in a way, somewhat playful and carefree, and still a very practical human being. Jeonghan was mischievous, but yet, not even once, he pushed you until you couldn’t take it, and that makes you think that somehow, with an unknown reason, in your drunk stupor, you wanted to marry Jeonghan, because hell can break loose, the skies can fall, but Jeonghan would never make you do something you did not want to do.

While Jeonghan and Seungcheol are busy hitting those tiny balls Seokmin stops by your side. You like Seokmin, Seokmin is kind, and you constantly think about how he is surviving the finance world, he doesn’t seem cut to it, but somehow he manages to stay alive against the monsters of capitalism, or, worse, he stays alive feed the monsters of capitalism. Ew. Seokmin’s face though seems focused on another thing, he looks in shock and happy at the same time, he probably did the whole hole in less than three shots you think.

“Oh my god,” He almost screams making you jolt in place, in all truth that was pretty much a common occurrence when your day to day involved Seokmin.

“Hm?” You question puzzled, looking at him trying to find a clue of something behind his feature when Jeonghan and Seungcheol finally join the two of you on the sideline.

“What is that?” Seokmin asks and you still without a fucking clue of what he is talking about. “Damn,” he says with his big smile across his face, making the tip of his nose get even more pronounced, “are you guys planning a surprise and I just ruined it?” His face changes in a blink of an eye.

“What surprise?” Jeonghan questions taking a drink of his gatorade like he was in the middle of an excruciating sport and not fucking mini golf after an unsafe amount of alcohol.

“That thing!” Seokmin cheered, and then it downs on you - the big ass ring on your hand, propped on the golf putter, and before you can hide it or chop your hand off the three man in your sight is eying the big damn rock that you forgot about,

“The what?” Seungcheol blurted.

“This is an engagement ring right?” Seokmin asks and you think about an ostrich, putting its head on the ground, you think you can do the same in one of the circuit's holes.

“No, it isn’t, how the hell they are engaged when they aren’t dating?” Seungcheol scoffs, acting like Seokmin is saying something that doesn't make sense, something that happened numerous times before, it could be happening again. It was happening again, at least to Seungcheol.

“We saw that one when we were looking for your fiancée present though,” Seokmin says all pouty and confused, and you think you almost try to defend his point of view as you always do, just because he is cute.

“It isn’t an engagement right?” Seungcheol asks

“It would be weird to be an engagement ring,” Jeonghan acknowledged the absurdity that envelopes the situation that you two are in, you want to try to take off the ring and just throw it across the field of mini golf, but a) it looked extra expensive, b) the three guys didn't even blink looking at your hand.

“Did you buy for aesthetic proposal?” Seokmin asks, "A girl that works with the human resources team did buy one just because she thought it was pretty."

“Of course,” Seungcheol claps, “I mean fashion was never your strong suit,” He says and it almost feels like a jab, “I almost brought that one, Jeonghan was dead set on this, saying it was the ring, but it was a bit on the expensive side”

“How expensive are we talking about?” You try to pry your body from reacting physically to the fact that Jeonghan shredded a fucking invoice and receipt, and the fact that even Seungcheol - the guy who buys twelves tumblers just because it was cute and ends up giving them away finds that expensive sets a new parameter of money waste.

“You didn’t check the price?" Seokmin asks, when you remain silent he continues, “Wow be you must be nice, balling and shit."

“How expensive are we talking about Seungcheol?” You try again, "Seokmin?" If you can’t return this damn thing at least you can try to sell it later. If you can’t find someone who can buy this you can sell for those weird and sketchy stores but you need to know how much you are actually losing on the deal, well, not you, Jeonghan but still, if you know the man he will just accept his fate and never move a muscle to deal with this ring situation.

“You really didn't check the price hun?” Seungcheol questions raising his eyebrow, like he always did when he couldn’t quite believe in you and it always made you feel angry with him. It was a tale almost, even when you were telling the truth he always raised that eyebrow questioning you, making you explain yourself.

“I brought the ring,” Jeonghan says nonchalantly like he is saying that he brought the bread on his way home. Jeonghan had this thing, a completely loath to let other people know his truest feelings. Even if he was one step away from a panic attack he would not tell you.

“Why would you do that?” Seungcheol asks again his voice is two tones higher, and you feel like he is questioning the two of you, and in his own mind he is the bad cop in the situation - Seungcheol liked that type of shit, and you think that maybe he is so into that because Jeonghan is his polar opposite, never giving Seungcheol a reaction.

“I told you I thought it was a beautiful ring man,” Jeonghan deadpans and take his fingers to move his bangs out of his eyes - making him look like a fucking prick, looking down at everyone else, and you know that just tickles something in Seungcheol. “What I am trying to say,” Jeonghan tries again, “is that the ring It is not an engagement ring because I didn’t ask her to marry me yet,” Jeonghan says walking by your side and enveloping your shoulder in an awkward hug. “I just confessed my feelings, it might be over the top a bit but you guys know I just had my eye on the ring.”

“Dude! Finally!” Seokmin says hugging Jeonghan, and you almost feel yourself choking on air.

When Jeonghan is free he whispers against your ear, his breath on your skin making you shrink, “Just bear with it.”

“What?” Seungcheol asks “Out of nowhere, you confessed your feelings? With an engagement ring?”

“Not an engagement ring Seungcheol we won't crash your wedding, relax,” Jeonghan says again, rolling his eyes.

“How much it was?” You try again dead set on finding out how much that was, apparently a new hyper-fixation.

“Babe,” Jeonghan says looking at you with a mischievous smile across his face, “it is not polite to talk about the price tag”

“What the hell I am watching right now?” Seungcheol bristled, more in anger than in frustration.

“It was long overdue really,” Seokmin gushed, in a terrible contrast to Seungcheol’s features, his voice is loud and his big smile stretches across his face, “I thought it was so fucking weird you two sharing a hotel room with the excuse of saving money, like we know Jeonghan has money,” Seokmin points to the ring, making your skin crawl.

“We are returning this,” you tell Jeonghan, your voice low while elbowing his ribs.

“Baby I told you,” Jeonghan appealed, grabbing your shoulder “We can’t do that”

“Like I personally found you guys always so weird like, I think I even asked Seungcheol if you guys were married in the past because you guys are really,” he moves his hands in a weird move in a way to mean how close you always had been, “like truly crazy and then I asked Seungcheol and he was like it is never gonna happen and I was like-"

And Seokmin goes on for about a good five minutes about how he thought the two of you were a couple, and in a way, you were so used to it that it didn't even startle you. The problem was that Seokmin truly believed Jeonghan’s lies, one thing was to think that you two were in a relationship - everyone had this basic reaction since the two were in college, even one of Jeonghan’s ex-girlfriend thought of, one of your coworkers too, Jeonghan’s door to door neighbors too, almost every single soul you two met. That alone was something you began to understand, yeah you and Jeonghan had a weird level of intimacy.

 If you mash together your college years you can sum up in - of course, we do not date, of course, you can go ahead and kiss him in this horrible pub, oh yeas I am living in his dorm at ungodly hours just because we decided to binge watch a docuseries, oh if I am wearing Jeonghan's clothes? Haha He saved my ass because I doped the coffee on my clothes - ps. The coffee didn't exist, and his girlfriend did break things up a week later, Jeonghan swore it wasn't because of you. Once one guy broke up with you because when he smelled you he could recognize Jeonghan's smell on you, Jeonghan toke as his duty to just fuck up with that guy's mind for a whole month. He told you over and over again that the guy was wrong and basically called you a cheater, so you might as well plant enough evidence to give them the mental image - Jeonghan planted underwear on said guy's returning box, a note with his own handwriting with meet me in secret at the library, and even brought you a small dog plushie to put in the box and when you asked why he said 'he will think another guy gave you a present'.

Knowing Jeonghan and the fact that he loved shocking people this whole act today didn't really shock you, in the end, you were the only that understand Jeonghan, because you would never ever fall for this weird ass act. Your default reaction to anything Jeonghan related was a fair amount of mistrust.

“What are you two doing?” Seungcheol asks again, his voice is laced with suspicion and mistrust.

“Doing what?” Jeonghan asks, his hand going to your hair and placing it behind your ear.

“Whatever you guys are doing,” Seungcheol says pointing his fingers at the both of you, and you think it is dumb to even pretend something to Seungcheol, he knows you, he knows Jeonghan he knows nothing like that would even happen and you still don't know why Jeonghan is even trying to lie to him. 

“Jeonghan-” you whine, marrying in Vegas is indeed something that brings you shame and regret but lying to your friends is even worse, how would you deal with that later?

You think you would prefer listening to Seungcheol’s monologue about how both of you are completely crazy, unreasonable, and unreliable, all of that rings true now. And it was Seungcheol, he would end up knowing somehow, even if you didn’t tell him now, you both would end up telling him. This whole scheme would fall like a house of cards somehow. You couldn't knock on Seungcheol door and say haha we were kidding, but Jeonghan could, you would make him do it.

“Seungcheol that’s actually-”

“What are we supposed to believe that after what? A decade you just woke up brought a ring and confessed your feelings?” Seungcheol asks, raising his voice enough to make you look around the damn mini golf to see if anyone is insane enough to care about this damn scene, “When you are a commitment phobe who has been on my ass for the past several months?”

“Look man, can you just drop it?” Jeonghan asks again - in the same aloof way he uses when he wants to piss you off, almost like he is flirting with the idea of being a patronizing prick. 

“Of course not, what the hell,” Seungcheol says, his tone still on the angrier side  “You didn’t even remotely tell us about this."

“Yeah well some people can actually keep secret,” Jeonghan says bitterly.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Seungcheol questions and just by the tone of his voice you know that shit is going down, you have seen countless fights between the two to know that Seungcheol was on the edge.

“It means that I can actually keep my individuality as a human being because I don’t have a crazy girlfriend who has trust issues so I need to overshare everyone’s personal life because she thinks you can cheat on her every monday to friday man,” Jeonghan quipped. He was not the one who loved to fight, Jeonghan was actually someone who would just shrug and resolve the situation later when it came back to bite his ass, but damn when he wanted to fight he was ready for it.

“Damn,” Seokmin breathed.

“What the fuck Jeonghan,” You and Seungcheol say at the same time, both in disbelief.

“It is the truth, isn't it?” Jeonghan chastised, “Dude you are traveling with friends and somehow the whole lunch was about how your girlfriend was pissed that you actually brought a ring to placate how angry she was."

“Jeonghan stop talking.” you plead, holding his arms trying to get his attention, to make him stop before things end up in a point of no return. 

“Why?” Jeonghan asks you this time, eyes focused on you and not Seungcheol.

“Because you are being a fucking asshole now,” you say “This is Seungcheol bachelor’s party the man is getting married,” you try again like Seungcheol is not in the room.

“Oh you think I don’t know about that?" He says exasperated, "We are in Vegas and this motherfucker drink one beer and told us to go to our own hotel yesterday so we needed to get drunk and-”

“Jeonghan,” you say again almost like a kid tugging Jeonghan's by his shirt sleeve.

“We are in fucking Vegas and we didn’t visit one strip club and we are playing mini golf that something off about this whole trip,” Jeonghan says loudly chuckling at his own words.

“Are you seriously right now? You are going on a tirade against your friend because he doesn’t take you to strip clubs?” It is your time to act in disbelief - strip club? Seriously?

“Maybe if we were at a strip club yesterday,” Jeonghan says eying you.

“You know what?” Seungcheol speaks up. “Fuck you, you are uninvited by the way, you go on and on about how you don’t think I should marry, well, then you don’t need to show up.”

You and Jeonghan are left side by side on the mini golf field. Standing there while the world still moving around. You want to break out in laughter, you want to just laugh at how the two of your friends seem to wake up on the wrong foot, you want to knock Jeonghan's head off his shoulder, but you end up just walking to return to the damn golf club. 

The whole way to the hotel you and Jeonghan spend in complete silence, not one uttering a single word.

And apparently - now you are the one that wants to start a fight out of nowhere. You are the one that wants to scream about how Jeonghan was being an unreasonable asshole. You try to wrap your head around his reasons, about why he would act like that and nothing that comes up in your own brain seems right.

So when you both are back in the hotel room - now with new sheets thank god, and less alcohol smell you just ask in the most nonsubtle way you can, you hold your own waist and ask like he was a teenager throwing a rude tantrum, “What was that?”

“What?” Jeonghan asks taking his time to take off his jewelry, watch the first thing, and later necklace, if he had any bracelet would be the third step of his routine.

“The whole Seungcheol marriage thing?”

“Well, you don’t have to deal with him drunk every Friday night telling you how overwhelmed and how he feels trapped since they set the wedding date,” Jeonghan says shrugging. 

“You told me he was going on and on about how great marriage is,” you say sitting on the bed, trying to understand all the things you apparently didn't know about Jeonghan and Seungcheol.

“Yeah, he has his own list of cons in his note app," Jeonghan huffs, "every time he thinks about calling it off, I think I just memorized it because he reads more than once a day”

“Fuck,” you say in a breath. In your own mind, Seungcheol not even once doubted his choice to get married, not even once seemed unsure of his decision.

“I was the one that said Vegas," Jeonghan says sitting on your side, both of you looking at the widow that faces a fucking parking lot, "I thought that he would get drunk enough to actually mess everything up because he can’t do sober, and by mess everything up I mean breaking up with his crazy girlfriend."

“Yeah, still, you didn’t need to be a fucking asshole,” you say seriously this time trying to face him.

“Well, I panicked ok?" Jeonghan finally breaks, "I wasn’t going to tell that man who is having a daily mental breakdown that we married in fucking Vegas.”

“I mean, I don't know about you but I think your friendship with Seungcheol is more important than being lectured because you married in Vegas, Hannie,” you tell him softly, patting his thigh.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, letting his hand on top of yours, “I guess I can't be gracious always,” he says with a sad smile.

“I know you are stressed out," You say calmly, "but you lashed out at Seungcheol and it wasn't great,”

“The fuck you are defending him for?” Jeonghan says standing up and pretending he is searching for something in that damn room.

“Are you serious?”

“What?" Jeonghan chuckles, "he can go on and on about how I am a commitment-phobe type of guy who is fucked up enough to not have a fiancée like him and it is all good and fun and games? But when I call out his fucking weird relationship I am the bad guy?”

“Jeonghan,” You try but before you can even finish he cuts you.

“No, don't Jeonghan me, the fuck,” he retorted, “you have the excuse of not knowing because I don't tell you, you could think I am an asshole and a horrible boyfriend because every time someone breaks up with me even though I am a great catch,” he laughs bitterly, “You can do that, Seungcheol can't do that, he doesn't have an excuse, he knows why.”

“I never ever think about you like that,” you say sincerely because it is the truth, never once have you thought about Jeonghan being afraid of commitment or being a shit asshole. You always thought about how every girlfriend of his always looked and sounded more in love with him than the other way around, but that wasn't exactly a character flaw.

“I know,” he says already sounding exhausted.

“No I don't think you do,” you say sternly, “like it never crossed my mind really, I always thought about how they were crazy for letting you go, so what you don't want to marry someone? the fuck you can still have a great life and a great relationship with someone without a ring, and I know you are capable of it," and to your own ears you sound almost bitter, how they could be so dumb? To have a chance to have Jeonghan and let him go? “You have always been there for me, you never once wavered, I have no reason to ever think of you in that light and I don't think Seungcheol is being fair, he wasn't, but he is getting married in three weeks Han.”

“Yeah and I am telling him his girlfriend has been a freak since week two when she threw a fit because she was jealous of you,” Jeonghan says shocking you, "because according to her own crazy brain, you are way too close to men so who knows what you will do when she turns her back."

“Of me?” You say pointing at yourself, “Damn, she is crazy."

“That’s what I am trying to tell him, and he isn't fuck listening I guess.”

The whole afternoon you think about Jeonghan.

You think about him when he is lying in the bed on his cellphone, and you continuously think about him when you find him napping in the same bed. You think about everything you don't know about your friend, and you think about everything he doesn’t share with you, that he chooses not to. And you know every single human has secrets, and there are things Jeonghan doesn't know about you too. But knowing that it is one thing, dealing with the emotions that come with it is another thing altogether. Why he would not tell you? Why he would tell Seungcheol?

Those questions live in your brain, rattling and making sounds every time they crash against your skull. You think about your friendship as well. Jeonghan was always there for you. He was there when you had your first heartbreak in the third year of high school, he was there when Mark broke up with you in college, and he was there every step of the way. He was there when you were sick, he was there when your favorite auntie died, he was there when you were panicking before your first job interview, he was there. You just couldn't wrap your mind around the fact that someone would call a man like that a commitment phobe or break up with him.

And what he said was true in some way, Jeonghan never broke up with anyone, he was always the one who was dumped and weirdly okay with it. Every time you talked about someone who didn't know Jeonghan you always painted him as the perfect guy, and it was true - he had a great job and his bank account was crazy even though he worked to the capital devil, he was someone who ha they shit together too, he helped his parent, he helped his friend, his house was never messy.

Every time you broke up with someone you talked about how you wanted a guy just like Jeonghan, nice and fun, but also low maintenance in a way, someone you could just comfortable be being with, without having to try too hard and do too much. And every time you met someone new, you always trusted Jeonghan's opinion, if he vetoed someone he had his reasons, like the weird guy that two months later was on the news because he emptied someone's bank account because they let their bank account info saved on the computer or something like that.

If you thought about it - really being married to Jeonghan was not even close to the worst thing that happened to you. Founding a dead rat once in the subway was worse, or that time when you found out that your roommate left the door open for weeks before you just never went to sleep before her just so you could make sure to close the door, and 95% of the time she didn't close the fucking door, that was worse than being married to Jeonghan.

“The fuck?” Jeonghan groans.

“What?”

“Apparently I messaged my account manager our marriage certificate asking if he could officialize the house-buying proposal, and apparently the bank green flaged it? The owner needs to accept the proposal of course, and it may take a while but-" Jeonghan stops halfway, almost like zooming out, staring at the wall ahead of him.

“I guess you are soon to be a house owner?” You question bringing Jeonghan back to reality.

“No, no-"

“Seriously if it is something that is helping you I don't mind, we can come back to Vegas a few weeks after the deal to annul it I looked up online it is not that hard we just need the documentation and the wedding certificate so," and it was true - you did research how to deal with the whole thing, it seemed easy, maybe that's why they actually let people marry crazy drunk, so they can pay to annul it and the city double the revenue, apparently crazy amount of drinking and casinos were not paying the bill.

“About that,” Jeonghan says, his hands tugging the sides of his hair.

“About what?” You ask.

"The wedding certificate,” he says, finally looking at you, his eyes big and still puffy because of his nap, “I think, I mean- I am pretty sure it is shredded with the receipt and invoice."

“What the fuck Jeonghan?” You shout, oh man, you are going to kill this man. The image is already on your head - jumping on that very same bed like a crazy woman and kicking him before you just kill him with your bare hands.

“I know,” he says almost in a grunt, laying down like a starfish.

“Why did you shred everything up for god's sake," you say almost stopping on the floor.

“I don't know okay?" Jeonghan says, sitting on the bed now, his cellphone forgotten, "Why did we marry? Can you answer that?”

“OOh," you huff, "We did get married, but I am soon to be a window if I don't kill in the next five minutes I swear to god”

“Wait, what changed if it is helping me?” Jeonghan says, back to his mischievous self, with a small smile across his face almost finding endearing the way that you try to threaten his life.

“You are making everything argh-” You are losing your damn mind and if you end up crazy it is Jeonghan's fault, now that he is indeed your husband has another tingle to you like a thriller movie, but you are afraid you are in your own Cameron Diaz Ashton Kutcher low budget 00's movie. Maybe you should take the whole thriller movie, it seems, weirdly, less weird. "First we cannot return this ring now I have to find someone who wants to buy it without documentation so everyone will think this shit is totally fake, I mean I would too, don't get me wrong I wouldn't trust myself either with this jewelry," you go off - almost missing the point, rambling really, before you get back to the point, "now we need to find a second copy of this certificate I swear to god we could just go to the nearest courtroom and annul the wedding I googled it." 

"I already told you you can keep the ring," Jeonghan says - voice low in contrast to your high-pitched complaints.

"Why would I keep this ring Jeonghan?" You question, it sounds weird in your own ears.

The truth is, you did love the ring, it is a beautiful ring but the truth is - you can't keep it. It shouldn't be yours to keep. It should go to someone Jeonghan wants to actually marry, even though you can't bring yourself to take it off your finger, even though you didn't even try to take it off after this morning.

And a breath almost gets locked in your throat. Why? You think, and deep down you know you have your answer but you just shove everything down when you hear Jeonghan's voice, "Well If you sell it I won't take the money."

"I can just pour it into my savings accounts," you say petulantly.

"The fuck," Jeonghan bites back.

"What? You said you didn't want it so I can keep the money," You try your best to sound even close to someone somewhat rational in this matter.

"It is a present you can't sell a present," Jeonghan though, never has a problem looking like he is saying the most rational thing ever even when it doesn't make any sense.

"I totally can," you bite back trying to hold your ground just out of pure spite. He didn't accept that cursed ring which is not even supposed to be yours why the hell he is making such a big deal of you selling or throwing it in the sea?

"You can't," Jeonghan says again, and you think back to your friendship and a lot of times it was like that - a lot of things without proper explanations.

"Why not?" So you just hold your ground - again, he will not win this one, this time he will have to explain.

"Because it is a present I picked up for you. I actually thought about it, I mean before drinking buying apparently, but I thought it would suit you" Jeonghan says, "Just don't sell, if you don't want to use it okay fine but just, just don't sell it, don't hurt a man's pride like that,"

You want to try again - to say you will sell this damn ring if you go to the store and it can't be returned, and you want to say you will throw it on the nearest river because Las Vegas is indeed very far from the sea. You want to push him until he says okay I take the damn ring and I will hold onto it and pass it through generations. But when Jeonghan speaks and he sounds so tired and so hurt you just give up and lock yourself in the bathroom pretending to take a shower before leaving this hellhole of a place.

You look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how the hell everything happened in such a short amount of time. A marriage, a fight, a ring that makes you go crazy. Maybe you are closer to having a breakdown, maybe it is the time to face things that you are trying to keep hidden under the rug. You think that maybe it is time to just downpour everything.

But like always, you don't. You bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine.

The last few days in Vegas have been less eventful, thanks God. Jeonghan and you go to weird restaurants and for a walk around the town, and you think about how you got married in the city of Sins.

At least it is fitting to think that pride and wrath have something to do with your own stay in this city.

You often think about Seungcheol, sending him and Seokmin a message or two, or a total of 15. Seokmin answers you, Seungcheol doesn't. And you need to hold yourself back when you type down a fuck you but don't send. You try to pry on Jeonghan's end too, but after the third time that he just doesn't answer you with words but just a cold stare you just let it go. Maybe that's why Seungcheol and Jeonghan have been friends for so long - pieces of the same cloth.

The flight back is not that tricky but at the same time when Jeonghan drops you out at your door, you are ready for a 30 minutes shower and drop dead for a whole week. When you open the door you are glad that your roommate at least remembered to close and lock the door. Character development you think, maybe she is getting better, maybe you don't need to actually move into Jeonghan's house as a safety precaution. But something doesn't seem quite right - there is a new sofa in the living room, which isn't exactly a problem, really, your sofa kinda sucked. But when you look again, you understand what is missing.

No, she didn't, she would not be that crazy. You refuse to believe that. You left all your luggage in the middle of the living room and ran to your bed, maybe she put the side table there, of course, maybe she just moved because the new sofa seems bigger. But there is nothing that resembles the side table in your room, so you try again - her room now, still nothing.

You send a message.

You try to call.

So you try the next best thing - call Jeonghan so he can calm you down. He doesn't pick up.  You sit on the floor, right beside your luggage, and you refuse to sit down on that sofa, it is pretty it seems comfortable but now is the object that you hate the most. You would prefer, I don't know, to take part in a scientific experiment that might fuck up your brain function than sit down on that thing.

The concept of time and space is a funny thing you think when you lose count of how many minutes or hours you have been staring at the door, it has been probably a long time. Until your roommate opens the door with a big guy by her side, great, all that you needed was an audience for your lash out.

"Oh," she says, big guy with his big hands on her hips and he knows he is not getting laid today, because he sees you and he gets so upright he seems like a fucking power pole, "I didn't know you would be back today."

"Laurel, darling, where is my side table?" You ask without beating around the bush.

"Oh right," she says letting her keys on the counter without fucking locking the door you have never been closer to a have a fucking stroke, you can feel your blood pressure rising, "the sofa was a bit bigger, you know I told you I was thinking about changing and this was on discount, but the table didn't really had a place in the room anymore so I put on marketplace a cute girl come up to pick in the same day, great right?"

You blink once, twice, and the words don't even come, you are so astonished that you are left speechless. Maybe you could get over the unsaid desire of getting murdered by a serial killer, and maybe you could get over the leftover food on the counter, and you could even get over the whole singing in the shower when you are fucking tone-deaf really.

But that. That was one thing you could never get over.

"Are you fucking insane? Are you fucking crazy?" You ask, the big guy taking a step back, "Or do you just have fun being the most self-centered bitch in this part of the country?"

"What the fuck?" She says, and oh god, you want to jump on her bones, you want to leave this woman bald.

"Did you ask Laurel?" You ask again, remaining sitting on the floor because if you pick yourself up you are probably no longer be a first-time offender. "Did you ever think about asking if you could sell, give or even create a fucking bonfire with the wood of my deceased auntie's side table? Did you fucking asked?"

"Oh I didn't know," she says simply. You feel the tears streaming down your face and you don't actually know if it is because of sadness or anger.

"So funny Laurel because I don't even fucking know how you function like a human being because your brain is so fucking empty of common sense really," you bristled, finally getting up and picking up your big backup, "Look I don't know how I don't care really, it is up to you, but you get my table back in perfect state, and you will pay this month rent fully because I am not living with you I would prefer Satan as my roommate really, and you may as well find another roommate because I will not move a muscle to put someone inside this apartment," You say moving past Laurel and the crazy big guy, "and by the way Laurel? I would fucking lock the door today you don't really think about how many insane people leave in this world."

You say finally get out of the apartment.

You don't really stop walking because you are afraid you will just fall on the ground, crying in the middle of the street in the fetal position, not really a pretty picture. You know Jeonghan's house is not really far, a twenty minute walk. You wish you had an epiphany when you see yourself at his door, a moment to say 'wow why am I here?'. But you know yourself enough to know why, you know Jeonghan enough to know why you are at his door.

You know Jeonghan will open the door for you, and you hope deep down that he will hunt Laurel-the-sattan-spit-roommate down.

When Jeonghan opens the door, he looks puzzled, his face shows that he is trying to understand what is happening. You are sure he was ready to say that he didn't order something and to check on his neighbor.

"What happened?" Jeonghan asks when he sees you on his door instead of a lost delivery guy.

"Laurel," you say, and before having the chance to say anything else, you already feel the pain, you don't want to cry but you end up doing that nonetheless. You even hiccup once or twice before you feel Jeonghan's arms against you, enveloping you, making you feel safe.

"What did she do?" Jeonghan tries again, one of his hands still around you, while the other cradles your head, his hand softly stroking your head.

"She sold my side table," you say, still hiccuping your way through the sentence and you feel so fucking dumb, crying in Jeonghan's arms, and you feel Jeonghan's body goes completely rigid before he holds your face in his hands and you almost flinch because you cannot face that man in this state, and second, his hands are cold.

"She sold your side table?" He asks and you just nod, it is the only thing you can do, "The side table?" He tries again just to receive the same reaction, his hands wrap around you, but this time he hugs you tighter, your head smashed against his chest and somehow you find a resemblance of comfort.

Jeonghan takes you to the kitchen, and when you feel his arms release you, you just sink to the ground, your back to the cabinets. Jeonghan hands you a cup of water, and hugs you again, his hands rubbing your back like you are some kind of a toddler, and that alone makes you sniff even more. That motion alone takes you back to your college days when you went back home to your auntie's funeral - Jeonghan drove the whole way, and the only sound inside the car was you crying. Back then you didn't know that Jeonghan lost an important exam so he could drive you back home, later when he was pilled with an ungodly amount of work and told you he needed to do an extra project so he didn't fluke his class you cried all over again - part of it because you felt guilty, part of it was because it was Jeonghan, and you could count on him for anything.

And here he was, years later taking care of you again. You never doubt he would, that alone - the certainty that Jeonghan is in your life should scare you, but it never did. Not now, and not even back in college when Seungcheol joked about every time a new girl showed up alongside Jeonghan. Somehow you knew that Jeonghan would be there if you needed him, if you ever shouted that man would run leaps. The thing was, Jeonghan never told you anything remotely close to make you believe that, he never promised you anything, but Jeonghan actions always reassured you that no matter what, he would be there if you needed him the most.

You think about it how - weirdly - you were never in that position, how you never once was that person to Jeonghan, the person that reassure Jeonghan or be someone he could lean on. There is a deep down desire that you don't quite acknowledge over the years - that you want to be someone important to Jeonghan. Someone as important as Jeonghan is to you.

When you feel you can finally breathe you get out of Jeonghan's hold to go to the bathroom, in a way searching a way to escape your own feelings and thoughts, pretending you just need to wash your face. When you return to the kitchen, Jeonghan is in the same place, sitting on the floor staring at his own hands. Now, calmer, you take the whole scene of the kitchen; the single glass of wine on the counter, the open bottle, Jeonghan's cellphone, and his notebook.

“Were you drinking?” You ask after a while, sitting on his sides and copying his positions - legs stretched and back flushed against the cabinets. The hiccups are still there but they’re less frequent now, and you can finally breathe on your own.

“Yeah I was,” Jeonghan says, stretching his legs and looking at his feet cladded with old socks.

Jeonghan thinks about the minutes before you arrived, how he was just scrolling on his phone and drinking alone because his mood was so dreadful that he didn't want to make anyone suffer in his company. The only person he would subject to a vent session was Seungcheol, so drinking alone was the only answer. The truth is plain and simple really - Jeonghan has been feeling miserable for quite some time now, mainly because even though it pays extremely well his job sucks. He works for and with shitty people, but it pays well, so that should be enough - why it isn't? But all of that seems so fucking small against the feeling of you losing the last physical thing of someone you loved, someone who was so important to you.

“Why were you drinking alone Jeonghan?” You ask, giving his thigh little taps but still looking ahead - you see yourself in the mirror, you are so swollen you can't face the man like that.

“I,” Jeonghan ponders, thinking about if it is the right time to just go on a tangent about how he works sucks, how his best friend isn't talking to him, and how he wants to go back to his high schooler self and just start everything over, even if he fucks everything over is way better than this gray area that he is stuck on. “We can talk about me another time,”

“Just," You breathe deeply, your head almost knocking against the counter door, "do it for me then,” you tell him softly, almost pleading, “tell me so I can take my mind off this shit.”

“I think,” Jeonghan says, “no, scratch that,” he laughs dryly, “I am sure that I am fucking miserable,” he looks at you waiting for your reaction, “and I’ve been miserable for a while, I just fucking hate everything,”

“Han-” you try to say, and you almost feel like you don't have tears anymore, but if you could physically cry you would.

“I am not depressed, don’t worry, I just,” he trails off, “I hate that fucking job and if I have to spend another year there I would probably kill a rich guy, I have a few investments, and I have savings, and I-”

“You should buy the house,” You blurt out, remembering Jeonghan's eyes looking at the pictures of the house.

“What?” Jeonghan says almost choking on nothing.

“You should buy the house, just give me one room and I will pay rent, we can share utilities and food, and then you can quit,” you declared like it was something people just do on a whim, like you are not even having a stroke just thinking about the process of ending your lease contract, but the sky can open you are not sharing another day in that apartment.

“Not a great deal when I have a fucking loan on my name,” Jeonghan bemused, almost laughing at your non-sense.

“Just don’t tell the bank,” you shrug.

“Well,” Jeonghan says, almost like he is trying to assess the situation, see how everything could plan out from different angles.

“Come on, tell me,” You say finally caving into your curiosity, poking Jeonghan with your elbow.

“Tell you what?” Jeonghan asks but you can feel the playful tone in his voice, almost a childlike wonder of being caught doing something he shouldn't do.

“What is the plan?” You whisper - you don't know why but this whole thing seems like a secret, like something Jeonghan doesn't want to see the light of day yet, something he has been keeping under wraps.

“What plan?”

“I know you Jeonghan," You say finally looking at him, a small smile still stretched across his face, "I have known you for quite a while, come on, don’t underestimate me,”

“What are you talking about?” Jeonghan says playing the fool but the smile is still there, making you probe a little bit more.

“I know you, you would never think about quitting without a black plan besides having a few savings and weird investments, tell me,” You almost pleaded, turning your body to him, your hands on his thighs supporting your own weight on him. And you know you need to bring out the big guns - the begging eyes, almost laughing at yourself.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan laughs at you, his head tilting back and all, like you are the most amusing creature ever.

“Come on,” you urge, using your hands on his leg to almost shake him.

“It is not a plan, it is a desire,” he begins, “I’m thinking about sitting down and doing a few design classes, it can be online but,”

“No-” You say surprised, your smile big across your face because you know where this is going.

“Maybe,” he says still leaning on the counter, eyes closed and that infuriating smile still on.

“You can totally do it,” you tell him almost jumping on your place.

“It is not a plan yet,” he explains, in a vain attempt to make you tone down your excitement, but every time he looks at you he thinks he can give you that, soothe your pain with his dreams and hopes that won't really get out of paper. At least today he can do that for you.

“I can help you,” you say, finally changing positions and sitting almost by his feet, facing him, Jeonghan's hand on your ankle.

“How can you help me?” He asks you, squeezing your ankle and you pretend you are going to kick him, but he just holds your ankle and puts it on his lap.

“We can do it,” you say completely seriously because you truly believe he can do it, achieving his teenage dream job. “You know me, I am an army general, I have discipline, and I love a good worksheet, I am an editor,"

“What you being an editor has to do with it?” Jeonghan says while he tickles your feet, making you almost jerk.

"Stop that," you say using your other to nudge him, "I did a few children's books mind you,” you say, using your free hand to pinch Jeonghan's feet in the form of a threat, “I know how to promote things, I know how to deal with due dates and with manufacturers, you just need to sit down after lunch watch your boring ass class like a college student and hand your resignation letter,”

“It is not something that will actually work and be profitable,” Jeonghan huffs.

“Jeonghan, be honest with me,” you say, this time in a more serious tone.

“Okay,” He says, hands leaving your feet and closing together on his stomach.

“Would you ever take that leap with you couldn’t live till 90 years old with the money you have on the back?” You joke, breaking him in half, his laughter resonating in the kitchen.

“No?” He jokes back.

“We are doing it,” you say like his opinion in his own laugh and plans don't actually matter that much, but Jeonghan just smiles back at you - sometimes, he thinks about how you are the only one who can actually match his insanity, the only one that goes with his plan, or come up with even weird ones.

And Jeonghan knows he is fucked, because every time he thinks he can’t love you more you show him that love grows and expands beyond borders. Lately, Jeonghan favorite song is My Love Mine All Mine, and when he looks at you, in his kitchen, face still swollen and red from crying Mitski sings in his ear - Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine Nothing in the world is mine for free But my love, mine, all mine, all mine. It resonates with him, the fact that his love for you is his to carry. And this alone makes Jeonghan happy in a weird way, because he knows how much love you deserve, and he is happy that he is the one that loves you, and he loves you for free.

Even though Jeonghan knows you don’t love him like he does love you he thinks about how you are the only person that is always there for him. Everyone that he knows would make Jeonghan just let it go. Why the fuck he would build a business around children’s toys? Why would he resign and leave a great career that gives enough money and intel to just go around and draw a few rabbits and frogs on a page? Just because of joy? Jeonghan always knew that joy alone could not make you survive on this earth.

But yet you were doing just that. Telling him to drop everything and just try to be happy. Right now Jeonghan could drop on his knee and ask you to marry him if you weren’t legally married and if he wasn’t a fucking coward. Sometimes he hates himself for that, the way he holds onto something he knows it is not quite enough but it is the only thing he can have.

Jeonghan thinks about- everything really, but mostly how joyful you are in your own way. How you would buy sweet treats just for the sake of it, how you had every single first copy of the books you worked on even if they were beaten in the process and almost unreadable. He thinks about the first time you showed up on his door, a big book in hands and a smile across your face, buzzing full of pride because it was your first fucking book and your boss give you one in the very first batch - back then you were just the one that did the toughest job, reviewing everything.

Jeonghan knows he loves you, he knows for quite a while.

Jeonghan knew before the first girlfriend dumped him because he was jealous of you. When his third girlfriend asked him if he liked you he couldn’t even lie, when his fifth girlfriend broke up and for the fifth time, the reason was you he just stopped trying dates altogether.

Jeonghan doesn't remember much of the marriage itself, he remembers bits and pieces of an Elton John in a 70's costume and how the chapel was way hotter, making Jeonghan's armpits wet, not a great look for a groom. But he remembers everything before that - in a less hazed lens. He remembers telling you in the hotel bar how he loved you for quite a while now, and how you looked so shocked - telling him he should quit lying. He swore on his first dog's grave, weirdly that made you believe him. He told you how he hated Mark - your college boyfriend that literature guy who gave you poems that you still keep as presents, he remembers you saying how you would keep every post-it note if Jeonghan wrote them in the future. It was a promise, you said holding your pinkie finger out for him. He remembers buying you the ring, you outside the store because he knew you would think that the chosen ring was too much, too big, too expensive, any ring will do it you told him before letting him inside, but he couldn't do it, he could only choose the prettiest ring for the prettiest girl. 

Jeonghan remembers his vow, promising he would take care of you, that he would write love letters for the rest of his life on every special date because you hated presents. And Jeonghan remembers how you two kissed in the chapel, on the uber back to the hotel, in the hotel room - more than you should have, because now it is the only thing he can think about it and you don't fuck remember. Jeonghan thought about running, about changing cities and even country - investments were pretty much the same everywhere in the world really. But the reality was that even if he moved, his love was still his to keep, and he would do that heartedly. He was a coward, but he still had his pride, and if that was the price to pay, then, be It.

“Hey, come here,” He says, finally lifting himself off the ground.

“What?” You ask, looking at him still sitting on the floor.

“Come here,” He says again, giving his hands so you can get up.

“What? You are weird what is going on,” you say finally getting up on your feet.

“Come here,” Jeonghan says and before you approach him his arms are already by your side, enveloping you in a thigh hug. “Thank you,” he says softly, “thank you for everything really,”

“Are you drunk Yoon Jeonghan?” you ask, your own voice muffled by the tight embrace.

“No,” Jeonghan laughs, and you can feel his whole body move, “I’m serious, thank you for being there for me even when you have shit on your own to deal with,” He says, his chin on top of your head, “and thank you for not thinking I am a commitment phobic asshole.”

“You are still on that? I told you I never saw you like that stop being dumb."

“I know, I am just-” Jeonghan doesn't finish his sentence, his arms still around you, his heart beating by your ear.

“Look you are drunk, at least there is nothing much we can fuck up being drunk together after getting married in Vegas," you say and Jeonghan feels a pang, almost like when he stubs his little finger on the corner of random furniture, but he doesn't say anything, "give me a sip of your wine you asshole,” you say getting free of his embrace and holding the bottle of wine

“Come on! Don’t drink it straight from the bottle, there is a glass right there!” Jeonghan protested.

“Come on Yoon Jeonghan, I know you, I know you since you didn’t have enough cups in your first kitchen, don't play the proper guy with me,” you say like basic manners don't exist, and sitting on his counter.

“I grow up I am an adult now,” Jeonghan says, but he doesn't really move a muscle to pick another glass of wine for you, he thinks it is his biggest flaw - the fact that you can walk over him countless times and Yoon Jeonghan will just let you do whatever you want even if he pretends that it is against his will.

“Oh, totally,” You look at him, and even though the phrase itself has a bite to it your voice is honest, “Not to go back to sappy times, but you really did Hannie, you are really growing so much, and I am so proud of you,”

"Shhhh-” Jeonghan murmurs trying to shut you up and you know it is mainly because he is so fucking shy that you almost laugh.

“By the way,” You say taking another sip from the bottle. “I’m so moving in with you and I can even deal with only one room if you don’t sell any of my stuff.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan says kissing the top of your head, “you can have the whole house, just don’t set it on fire.”

Ultimately, that actually happens.

You actually move with Jeonghan into his dream house. The house is 98% bare, without the furniture of the last owner besides the utilities. But a) it is better than living with your satan-spit roommate, b) Jeonghan has been sleeping on his own couch for over two weeks now because even though you say it is okay you can't spend that time in your own apartment he refuses to let you near Laurel.

But somehow, Jeonghan and you make a home out of the new house. You take the bookshelves on the left, all the books you edited in your lifetime on a special shelf right in your point of view. Jeonghan takes the bookshelves on the right, a lot of the books you edited and gifted him are scattered across it because he doesn’t really care about arranging his shelves in a particular order.

Every time Jeonghan sees a nice piece of furniture he sends you a picture of it, and you two chat about if it fits the room, and the colors would clash. In a weird way your collection of cups and mugs triples the size, indeed you are engrossed with buying new ones, but the thing is - you always pick two of them now. Jeonghan’s favorite is a weird bunny mug that you never actually use because it ears always make drinking anything impractical.

You two also build a weirdly oiled routine. You two eat breakfast together, Jeonghan wakes up early and when he is just arriving for his morning run you are already scrabbling eggs. When Jeonghan is ready for work you are ready for your own run. When Jeonghan arrives from work you still have one hour to go, so in the end he is the one to always cook dinner. After you two share the dishes and eat something sweet as the dessert the kitchen counter - previously used as a dinner table, now acts an officer table.

While Jeonghan looks up some designer classes, you search manufacturers. When he draws a cute rabbit girl that he named Ttoram, you try to understand how a business works, how you file taxes for it? Sometimes Jeonghan does the dirty work himself after he finishes a new version so you get your pink glittery pen and write in post-it what you think about the new product; ‘what is this material arrow-drawing pointing to a specific part of a squish toy’, ‘her head seems big are you sure she won't flop head first in someone’s bed?’, ‘are you sure? I think lamps are quite expensive.

The house gets filled with new art supplies, sometimes Jeonghan orders a bunch of them online, and sometimes you are the one that brings back a single pen or a new colored pencil that you pick up in arts stories every time you go to a meeting. The house is filled with paper and drawings, your favorite ones is always the first drafts - the ones that Jeonghan does on the non-quality paper, the ones that he does on pieces of paper, the ones that look less refined and to you are filled with children-like joy.

Another curious thing is how somehow you and Jeonghan seemed very addicted to post-it. Besides the practical use in the drawing drafts because Jeonghan was an old soul who couldn’t do his work on an Ipad like a normal human being in this day and age, you also used to communicate - ‘please buy eggs!’ you wrote and left on the kitchen door, ‘already set a reminder on my phone so i don’t forget to stop at the market!’ jeonghan replied. “Didn’t see u before I left :( don’t forget to take breaks” he wrote, somehow the post-it ended up in your office, and you glued it on the computer screen beside one green post-it with a frog with a raincoat on.

Every time the fridge was out of space for new ones you took them off one by one, with a smile on your face, and kept them in a box, safely stored. You always noticed one or two missing but you always thought the wind knocked them out and Jeonghan, that traitor, threw them in the garbage. In short, everything stayed the same with a daily dose of domestic life. The problem was - that it didn’t stay the same for very long.

And as hard as it was to admit, it was your fault.

There was no way around it.

It weirdly began every time you saw Jeonghan around the stove. The fact that Jeonghan was beautiful-handsome-pretty was not news to you. You, and every human being that laid eyes on him, always reached the point where you acknowledged how pretty Jeonghan was. In college it was a fucking nightmare, guys and girls banging on his dorm room when you two were watching a movie just because they thought Jeonghan was alone - the fact that he didn’t have a roommate because he bribed someone (one of the most Jeonghan acts that you ever witnessed, but that was beside the point - really) only added to the fact that 87% of his course thought he was down to bang anytime. The truth was that you always knew that Jeonghan was someone objectively good-looking, but there was a catch, even though Jeonghan was beautiful you didn’t really feel attracted to him and he knew that. Countless times you told him he was too pretty for his own good along with the lines that he wasn’t your type, ‘what the fuck that supposed to mean’ he answered the first time you said that, back in high school. With time it turned out to be your standard answer to every girl that was attracted to him and wanted a shot with him but somehow thought he was your boyfriend.

You know that Jeonghan is good-looking, and you know that for fucking years so why are you going a little insane every time you get in the kitchen and the man is cutting some onions? Truly it happens in the weirdest hours, out of nowhere, your brain reminds you how hot Jeonghan is - and that is even scarier because you knew that the man was handsome, but hot? That’s a new development. Once he arrived from his morning run, his hair a little damp, sweat dripping down his neck, and only with a thigh shirt because he already removed his go-to wind-breaker and you almost collapsed on the kitchen floor. That alone was mind-blowing.

The horrors begin when you just couldn’t deal with his touch without your mind going to the fucking gutter. When he touched your hips to make your move because he wanted to open a drawer, or when he dropped down on the sofa without leaving space between your bodies, his hand tapping your thigh. Out of nowhere, you are combusting because his hand feels hot against your skin, goosebumps appearing across your skin Jeonghan asks you if you are cold. And the fact that Jeonghan is touching you isn't necessarily super weird, he always did that, but somehow you feel that his touches changed and you can't quite pinpoint how besides the fact that you are reacting differently.

It doesn't really help your case that Jeonghan develops a weird habit of wrapping his arm around your neck. It happens everywhere, even in public and every time you can feel yourself grow a little hotter. You were supposed to pay attention to Minghao’s new paintings, a designer slash illustrator slash painter whom you worked with for a few book covers, and somehow in the middle of the opening of his new exposition, you can’t even think about the impasto on his oil paintings because Jeonghan hands feels heavy on your neck, his fingers touching the lateral of it almost rubbing. Every time you take a step to try to see the paintings up close Jeonghan doesn’t let you leave his hold, his body close enough to be pressed against your back, half of your back feeling hot because of his presence, half of it feeling cold because of his absence.

“Hao!” You say when you finally see the man of the hour, black hair on black coats, his hands behind his back looking around all the people that came just to appreciate his work.

“Hey,” He says opening his arms for you.

“Congratulations,” you say feeling the arms of Minghao around your back, your body though prefer to pay attention to the weight of Jeonghan’s eyes on you, “everything is mind blowing,” you say to the man - his hands still on your body, yours on his shoulder, until you hear Jeonghan clearing his throat in order to get you to notice his existence, and you almost laugh, “Hao this is Jeonghan, Jeonghan this is Minghao.”

“Great job man,” Jeonghan says in a weird tone, giving Minghao two little pats on the back and taking a step by your side, his hand on your waist.

“Thank you,” Minghao says politely, like he always does, “It is a pleasure to meet you, you are in the book industry too?” Minghao asks with his hands in his pocket,

“No,” Jeonghan almost scoffs, him? and books? God forbid, “I work with investment these type of things,”

“Oh, so you are not in the art business then,” Minghao acknowledges and you know his interest peaked even though you don't know why, maybe because you know Jeonghan so well you don't have much to unfold, while Minghao just seems weirded out by the fact that you have a Wall Street dude by your side.

“Oh Hao you always flatter me when you include me in the art business,” you say jokingly, reminiscing one of the many conversations you had with Minghao over a bottle of wine.

“I told you," a sly smile across his face, "books are a matter of passion.”

“You did,” you say somewhat reminiscing of the talk you two had back then. It was after calling him up for his second cover, after a meeting where he made you go through the book's motifs and ideas so he could have a feeling of what he should focus on.

“You should come to the after party,” Minghao says, “we could catch up,”

“Yeah I don’t think we can,” Jeonghan says while he checks his watch, he knows the question wasn't directed to him, he isn't stupid and he has two eyes, but he also is a stubborn motherfucker and now he just wants to ruin Minghao's night, and he is not about to Banksy this place up with shredded art pieces - because he is afraid his bank account can't take the lawsuit. “I have a work meeting tomorrow morning” Jeonghan reminds you, his fingers still on your waist.

“Still,” Minghao says, looking puzzled by you two, “you can stay right?”

“I’m afraid I can’t,” you say sorry “Han is driving us back so-”

“Is your phone number still the same?” Minghao asks without dropping a beat, and Jeonghan can give him that, he doesn't know Minghao but the guy just doesn't quit - he knows a stubborn guy when he sees one.

“Yeah, I didn’t change, but if you need you can e-mail me and-” You say before someone calls Minghao, it is his opening after all, a guy in the suit makes a gesture to him when the three of you look to see who was the owner of the voice.

“Sorry, I have to go, but I will call you," He says before giving you a kiss on the cheeks and walking to the guy who just called him.

Jeonghan snorts, really, what was that? He shouldn't find it so funny but it is. He takes a step back, his hands leaving you, while he looks at the painting. You know he is just pretending to analyze everything.

“What?” You ask him - missing his hand on your waist, on your neck, missing his presence around you.

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head, he is biting back a smile - laughter really, and you want to know what it is so funny, you are curious about what is going on in his head.

“It can’t be nothing come on,” you press on, your hand on his shoulder in a way to get some sort of touch from him, to regain some sort of proximity.

“Just-” Jeonghan stops, in front of another painting, his hand going back to your waist, and at the same time you think you can finally breathe again, your breath feels trapped in your throat, making you swallow on nothing, “You didn’t tell me it was an opening night to your ex-fling," he says. Eyes almost tinkling under the light and you know where this is going.

“Hao isn’t my ex fling what are you talking about?” You pretend, trying to get out of this situation because you know somehow Jeonghan will pry on, and he knows how to push your buttons enough just so you can spill everything he wants to know.

“Not fling then," Jeonghan says, hand still on your waist when he starts walking around the gallery with you by his side, until another painting that he really doesn't really care about, "an one night stand.”

“He is a friend," almost rolling your eyes at him, "I told you, I know him because of work,”

“So you are telling me you guys didn’t fuck?” And even though his words my seem harsh his tone is still light - he was truly a jerk but why are you smiling at him?

“Jeonghan, what the fuck?” You yelped, making Jeonghan's sly smile appear again.

“What?” He asks eyes still on you when you pretend to pay attention to the orange painting in front of you.

“Keep your voice low,” you mouthed, “we didn’t fuck,” you tell him again, and it was the truth, but somehow Jeonghan knew how to read between your words.

“Well,” he began, still looking at you even when he tilted his head to the side, a sly smile still on his face like he could see through you like you couldn't keep anything under wraps, and you could feel the goosebumps on the nape of your neck, your whole body tingling, “I am pretty sure it wasn’t for lacking trying on his part.”

“It would be too messy,” you finally blurt it out.

“Ah of course," Jeonghan laughs again and it almost sounds bitter to you, "so he did try, it was after or before saying the book and passion line?”

“After,” you say, your time to laugh, even though you feel the heat on your skin, a crazy addition to new feels because you are not one to actually feel shy around Jeonghan.

“And you laid him down too gently,” he acknowledges, eyes moving through the room again. You follow his gaze, seeing Minghao watching the both of you across the room, you just greet him with a smile.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You ask him, pressing your body on his sides until his arms are back on you.

“Well," Jeonghan breathes, his eyes still rummaging around the room, "I know you can break a guy's heart but apparently you lost your touch with that one because he is still down to fuck.”

“Jeonghan!” You gasped, “No he isn’t you are seeing things like you always do.” You tell him, Jeonghan had this weird superpower that he tuned in college - he could tell a guy was somehow interested in you from miles away, the first few times you actually made a bet on it; fifteen dollars, to pay him for a meal, to go with him to a frat party that his friend Soonyoung was hosting. After the fifth time, you just learned that was better to trust his judgment on it.

“Oh yeah, it truly takes a mind reader to see a guy ogling you across the room and telling you to show up at the after party even tho you have a guy on your arm," Jeonghan almost scoffs, then he leans down, his mouth close to your ear, "truly, his intention was indeed to talk about the impasto or the lighting or the shadow of his hard-on,”

“Jeonghan” you accuse again slapping his arm playfully, laughing at his antics “If I trusted you my ego would be in the clouds because every walking human being apparently wants to fuck me according to you.”

“Not everyone but a great part of it, sure." He deadpans.

“Sure, apparently you are the only exception who else?”

“I’m not,” Jeonghan deadpans again, just shrugging. Because it is not actually something he tried to hide over the years, it is nothing something that he is ashamed of either. And he is pretty sure it is something you already know since college so he doesn't have to lie about it. Jeonghan might be a coward, but he isn't really a liar.

“What?”

“I tried to get in your pants my whole high school years," He says, his eyes still on the painting, or everything that catches his attention, his eyes are everywhere really but on you. "I just gave up after the few first months of college”

“What the hell?” You try again. Everything feels kind of abnormal in your head. The way that Jeonghan says those words - like he is saying that you two should buy soap the next time you both go do groceries, it freaks you out. How can he be so normal about all of that?

And how could you be so clueless? Everything shifts in your brain - like the earth just changed its axes. He never told you anything closer to this, you are sure of it. You never suspected that Jeonghan liked you back then, or scratch that, that he tried to get in your pants. It seems something so unreal that you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around it - around the idea of a teenager and younger Jeonghan wanting something from you that you never really saw happening.

“What the hell what?” Jeonghan stopped dead on his track, finally looking at you, “You didn’t know that?”

“Of course not,” you say exasperated.

“Oh, I thought you were laying me down gently too,” he added, in the most neutral tone possible, making your head spin a little.

“No, I had no idea,” and it is true. You remember everyone from college who thought you and Jeonghan were a couple back then, everyone who found it weird when you two answered that you were just friends. You remember Seokmin, and you think about Seungcheol's words in Vegas and everything is hazed, a little out of focus. “Why did you give up tho?” You ask him.

“I just,” he says still looking forward and avoiding your eyes like the plague, “I mean, besides the fact that you got into he is not my type phase I would never kiss that man, the fact that I tried for four years and it didn’t happen led me to believe that never would, so...”

“I needed to make clear to every girl that was falling and tripping over you that I was not your girlfriend, they were pretty sure we were high school sweethearts back then”

“I think everyone we know somehow ends up thinking we are in a relationship,” he says, “I mean, clearly not goth impasto guy because that would be crazy, hitting on a woman with her husband on her side but”

“You need to pick up your husband's game,” you say kidding, while walking around the gallery with him, “I was indeed mistaken to be a single woman today.”

“I should have bought a bigger ring,” Jeonghan groaned, making you laugh, weirdly you still have the big ring on your finger.

“That’s not the answer,” you groaned because the man truly had this weird obsession with this ring and big rocks. You could tell him over and over again how you didn’t care about the ring or the rocks and he still found a way to make sure you were wearing the ring.

“And what is? If I try to be more territorial within the touch department we would be in jail for public indecency,” Jeonghan says low on your ear, his voice mischievously, while his hand presses on your hips, “Should we just go to jail?” Jeonghan asks, his hands trying to go lower heading towards your butt.

“Jeonghan, don’t test me,” you say seriously, your hand holding his and bringing up on your body. Why the fuck didn’t Jeonghan behave like a proper human being? Why your heart is racing against your ribcage? Why you are enjoying this whole thing?

The whole night you can feel Jeonghan’s hand on you in some way, or on your lower back, your neck, fingers on your shoulder, making his presence known somehow. And every time you think you are starting to understand what happened - what Jeonghan said, what that meant, he touches you again and everything gets a bit hazed, taking you to the start again.  Should you read into everything that he said to you? Would you be able to deal with it?

Those questions are still going around your brain in the car back home. Home, that alone was something that didn't make sense either. The air in the car is so thick that you think you can't breathe, the fact that Jeonghan's hand is splayed against your thigh doesn't help with the issue. The curiosity gets the best of you - you want to know all the unsaid things, you want to get under his skin and discover everything Jeonghan even wanted.

He doesn't move his hand, he doesn't stroke your skin, his hand is just there. Again, a reminder of some sort, and you almost laugh - silly of him to think that his presence could go unnoticed by you. Jeonghan has always been there on your mind, and lately even more. It makes your mouth go dry. The feeling is back on the pit of your stomach again. What if? You ask yourself, what would have happened if Jeonghan said those things back then? Would the present be different? Would that have washed away all the curiosity about Jeonghan?

Arriving home you go straight to the sofa and plop down in the middle seat, taking your time to take off your high heels, you don’t know why but you still buy pairs with ankle ties - the bane of your existence when it is three hours later and you have a thigh dress on, maybe that’s why you think you hate those types of event, even though you had a great time, saw a few friends and enjoyed the night with Jeonghan, you always ended up tired with a few blisters on your feet. You can hear Jeonghan’s footsteps around the house while you massage your feet and try to ease the tension.

You turn your body so you can stretch your legs on the sofa, the pain on your calves is killing you. You don’t even turn when you feel Jeonghan entering the room, his perfume and the sound of his slippers are enough to make his presence known. It was always like that? Did Jeonghan's presence always engulf you? Did it always make you unable to focus on anything else? Did it always make you question your own sanity? He sits down on the sofa, in the same direction as you, his legs around yours, his front pressed on your back and you hold yourself back because you almost whimper when you feel your body melting against his.

“You’re tense,” Jeonghan says his voice low, his hands pressing the knots on your shoulders.

“I am always tense and stressed out,” you say, and it is the truth. Jeonghan doesn’t need to know that for the last few weeks the fact that he is the number one reason. You almost rub yourself against him, feeling a little bit crazy and hot all over - oh no.

“Hm,” Jeonghan acknowledges. When his fingers close around your neck you almost jump on your seat, his thumbs traveling across the knots of your spine, and you are not strong enough to not whimper this time, “there’s a lot of things you could do to distress.”

“Like what? A guided meditation?” You joke, trying to get away with it, trying to downplay every reaction of your body.

“Fuck those apps,” he mutters under his breath, he is so close you can feel his breath against your nape.

“Yeah right there,” You say when his thumb presses down in a particular knock on your back.

“This one?” You just nod, don’t trust yourself enough to utter a word that doesn’t sound like a humiliated noise. Since when did you turn into a mess in Jeonghan’s hand? But you just accept your fate, feeling how soft your body feels against his. “Can I open this?” Jeonghan asks, his voice so low you barely hear, but he is so close to you that your ears catch his question.

And you still don’t trust yourself, so you nod again. Jeonghan drops the zipper of your dress and takes his time to gather your hair in his hands, and taking them out of his way, letting your locks rest on your shoulder. His fingertips trails the collar of your dress again, and you can feel the goosebumps across your skin and you know Jeonghan can see them as well.

You can feel the way that Jeonghan’s fingertips travel down your spine as he opens the zipper of your dress. And you close your arms around your chest, in order to maintain the dress in place because you can feel how loose the fabric feels against your body after the zip is down. But apparently, Jeonghan is not even close to satisfied because his fingers are tugging the straps of your dress down your arms.

Jeonghan’s fingertips are still on your skin, stroking your arms when you feel his lips against your shoulder. Before you can think about anything your own body reacts before you, giving space so Jeonghan can continue kissing the column of your neck. Everything feels a little surreal, a blur, you can't quite grasp-

Then, your cellphone starts to ring bringing you back to reality.

“Don’t pick up,” Jeonghan tells you, almost like a whisper against your ear, his hands still around your waist - but then your phone rings again and again and reality comes crashing again and again.

And you want to say that you are ok with almost being undressed on Jeonghan’s lap, that it is ok the way his thighs cage you, that it is ok how his hands feel hot against your body and how his lips feel against your neck. But your phone rings again and it must be important so you stretch yourself and try to find your phone inside your bag by feel. When you finally can reach the phone dies, and you can feel Jeonghan’s smile across your skin - like he just won. But before you can drop the phone you feel it ringing again, and when you pick up the big font appears on the screen ‘seungcheol is the best’. You can feel Jeonghan’s hand freeze against your body, the way he just goes rigid.

“Don’t pick up,” He says again but now something is different - his voice is not low.

“It must be something important,” you reasoned, because it is true. You have been trying to get a hold of Seungcheol since before leaving Vegas and yet the man didn't answer you once.

“Just-” Jeonghan tries, and you can feel his squeezing your shoulders again, almost in a silent plea.

“I haven’t talked to him since Vegas, it must be something important,” You say, your own hands going to his in an effort to show him that you understand what he is trying to say.

“Are you truly doing this right now?” Jeonghan asks and when you don't answer him he already knows.

You look at him but Jeonghan just gets up and off the sofa and leaves the room, in the end, you choose to just pick up your phone and answer it with a low “Hey cheol,” so low that Seungcheol asks if you were sleeping.

Seungcheol tells you he wants to meet, to talk about things. And you say yes because why not? You pick yourself up and close your dress. Before going to your room you stop at Jeonghan's door and before you lose all the courage that you have in your body you knock on the door, nothing, and you try again just to hear the sound of the shower across the room when you glue your ear against the door.

When you lie on your bed you don't really can close your eyes. You feel restless, your mind wavering, and you can't stop thinking about Jeonghan.

What would that mean?

If you took that leap would Jeonghan be there if everything fell apart? A shiver runs down your spine because it is the first that the answer would be a no. You ask yourself why now. What made Jeonghan change?

And you can't even look back anymore - you can't even think about your friendship with Jeonghan without it being tinted, his words echoing in your brain, "I just gave up". You play the whole conversation back in your head, almost like an old VHS tape - rewinding and pressing play, trying to see everything in another angle, rewinding, asking yourself what that meant, rewinding, thinking back, rewinding and pressing play - unfolding all the touches, and the times Jeonghan's hand lingered on your body.

You rewind until the sleep gets the best of you when it is already bright outside.

You wake up to the sound of your phone, Seungcheol calling you because he will run a little late, of course, you say while he just laughs because it is so clear that you were sleeping. When you run down the stairs, almost falling on it because your brain isn't functioning yet, you don't find Jeonghan anywhere. When you look at the fridge and there are no new notes, your heart breaks a little.

The coffee that Seungcheol chooses is pretty, and not very crowded, and even though Seungcheol is late is not a big deal, you use the time to go over a few manuscripts and spreadsheets with a cup of coffee on your side. Or at least you try to, but the truth is that you send Jeonghan a few messages and every time your phone pings you need to check if he is the one answering you - it isn't.

When Seungcheol arrives, you see him first, still from afar, his hair is shorter now. You almost laugh because that is definitely not a Seungcheol's choice, nor a haircut. His hair screamed his fiancée's name.

"Hey stranger," he says sitting across from you.

"Hey yourself," you greet him back, almost laughing at how awkward this whole thing is. Seungcheol and you walking around eggshells. Neither you nor Seungcheol wants to start talking about the whole elephant in the room - Yoon Jeonghan.

You ask him about the wedding preparation, it is going nice he says, he was late because he needed one last fit on his suit. His mother nagged over and over about how he shouldn't wear a navy blue suit, his future wife nagged about how it couldn't be black because the whole vibe of the afternoon wedding was different from a night wedding.

"I'm just happy that you guys worked everything out," Seungcheol says after a while, sipping on his coffee.

"Cheol," You try your heart already tugging on your inside.

"No really," he smiles at you, the way he always does - with a fondness you can't quite handle, like after all those years he still sees you like the kid you once were. Someone who didn't really have hold of her life and in a way, after all those years you feel like that again. "I did a lot of thinking," Seungcheol chuckles, "I think that I always have been envious of Jeonghan in a way," he breathes loudly, almost trying to gather up courage, "here I was, with my wedding date set up and still having doubts about how I feel and if I should go on with it." Seungcheol scratches her head almost like he is ashamed to tell you the truth, "And there is my friend, right? I think that the thing I always admired about Jeonghan was how consistent he was, you know me, in that way, we are alike right? We see shine things and we run towards them, a new project, a thing we like, don't even say anything about the golf gear I swear to god," he says abruptly making you laugh, and it was true in that sense you and Seungcheol were very much the same. "But Jeonghan is consistent, that man's mind is a fucking rock," Seungcheol says like a jab and you can understand why, "and yet he is more sure about you than I am about my fiancée really. And he has been sure for years, I still don't know what made him make a move-, he didn't talk to me prior to that, but I am truly happy that you guys figured it out, it took you long enough."

"I don't even know what to say," you breathe, looking at Seungcheol. You can't blurt out the words - physically unable to tell him. You think about what you should say, you should tell him -'we are not together', 'we didn't figure it out'. You want to tell the truth, you want to come clean, but you just can't. "But yeah, he has always been there for me" you laugh a little soulless. It is not a lie either, but it is not the whole truth, Yoon Jeonghan has always been there for you, but now all the other pieces of the puzzle are coming together. "I think the only thing that hurt him was you going on and on about his commitment issues or whatever.

"It's-" Seungcheol breathes, "it wasn't like that. I mean, sure, he can't commit to anyone who isn't you," he shrugs, "I think it was back when you were going out with that lit kid right? god" Seungcheol laughs, shaking his head like he just found a memory in his treasure box, "Jeonghan was so jealous back then," Seungcheol continues, reminiscing,  "he would get furious every time that guy would give you a letter, a poem, anything really. I don't know how you didn't catch up on how much he hated that guy's gut if he dissed the poor kid."

"I just thought-" you stop to think about it, "I don't even know what I was thinking back then, but I never once thought it was because of jealousy, he was dating like 3 girls at the same time back then," you tell, felling the bittersweet taste on your mouth.

"Well," Seungcheol takes another sip, "you know Yoon Jeonghan, when he doesn't get what he wants he tends to fuck everything up and push himself to do shit just out of spite. His high school crush and love of his life found her first boyfriend, how do you think he would handle that? What he could do about that? Try to write poems better than Mark? He tried to believe they were all shitty, trying to forget you was the last thing he could do for himself, even that didn't actually work."

And you feel like you are about to go into overdrive.

It is one of your flaws really, you were never one who would react quickly - your brain always trying to assess and digest everything before being able to take a leap. The problem was that you needed to unpack more than ten years, to go through every file of your life with Jeonghan and try to find a new meaning, trying to find a clue, in search of something you don't know yet, but that could make you understand, or realize.

You spend the whole day feeling a weird taste in your mouth.

The thing is, you can't quite pinpoint what are you feeling, you can't really name it. It somehow resembles feeling betrayed, you think, that you have a cheating boyfriend and everyone knows his secret but nobody has the courage to tell you, and when you actually find out you are the last one to know.

You take your time walking around town and even figure out the longest route to Jeonghan's house.

Even that sounded weird rolling off your tongue.

You try again - picking random memories to try to see if you can find a hiding meaning somewhere, a clue, evidence of Jeonghan's feelings. A crush you could understand, something small like an affection with an expiration date you could understand. You could understand the curiosity that grew in the past month.

But Seungcheol's words didn't point to that, Seungcheol's words were actually pointing in the opposite direction of that.

And if you were being honest with yourself, that made you afraid.

“I talked with Seungcheol,” you blurt out when Jeonghan finally arrives.

“Yeah, we are not going there,” Jeonghan says seriously, without looking at you - avoiding you at every cost. It is a tell, a clue that he doesn't want to talk about it. You don't want either, if you could you would never go there again, but you need to, because living things like they are right now, messy and all over the place aren't working.

“Jeonghan,” you groan, “we need to talk about everything that happened in Vegas, his wedding is in a few weeks."

“I think you were there when he said I wasn't invited so I am not really following right now," Jeonghan says his voice stuffy because his head is inside the fridge in search of something, maybe he is just trying to not look at you.

"He told me you are not answering his calls," You tell him, and before Jeonghan says anything he just scoffs and closes the fridge door without taking anything out. He doesn't actually move, but he doesn't look at you either, his head is hanging off his shoulders, and you know Jeonghan so well that you know that nothing will make him move. You know you are not going to win, but yet you press it on, because you are tired of things being left unsaid, of Jeonghan bottling everything out and things ending up being your fault.

"Why are you being so fucking stubborn about this?" You ask watching Jeonghan just shake his head, "he is your best friend."

“Yeah like Seungcheol’s is flawless,” he bites back.

“Jeonghan this is not the point right now-" You start before he cuts you off.

“It is never the point right?” He asks you, finally looking at you, still holding his weight on the counter, "Is never the point, is never the right time, is never them it is always me fucking it up because it is Jeonghan he is not serious, he can take it, you guys can go on and on and god forbid if someone doesn't wanna take more bullshit from you."

“Come one don’t get angry with me,” you plead.

“Of course, right, I can't even get angry," Jeonghan says before he heads to walk out of the kitchen.

"Jeonghan," You almost beg making him stop and look at you, "we really need to talk about everything."

"Talk about everything or for you to be Seungcheol's spokesperson?" He says, and when you don't answer he completes, "Then no, we are not talking”

“Of course, because that will solve everything," you say almost groaning, "he is your best friend for god's sake, he still thinks we are in a somewhat relationship, he wants to talk to you, he feels guilty for being an asshole. He is sorry." You try almost stomping your feet at every word.

"Well, good for him," Jeonghan says like words don't have enough weight to make him care.

"Come on Jeonghan I'm trying here," you whine.

"Trying to do what exactly?" He asks, "Did you ever think about what actually happened since Vegas?" He says finally looking at you, and you feel even worse. He almost laughs when you don't answer. "Okay, I did, I spent every single second thinking about it and I am really fucking tired of thinking about it. I tried to put it through a different lens, I tried to put myself in other people's shoes, I tried to be reasonable and understand everyone, look I really did, and I did a great job understanding that you forgot the whole damn thing, of course, you can forget me telling you that I am head over hills for you sure, you can forget that you were the one who kissed me back then sure, of course it happens, I mean," Jeonghan scoffs, "I understand for years what is a few more months right?"

"Jeonghan-"

"No, let me finish this because somehow it will be my fault again so let me make everything clear," he says - back again looking at every corner around the kitchen but not laying an eye on you; "Seungcheol knows, he always knew about everything, he knows how many girlfriends gave me fucking ultimatum and I always choose you. He knows how many women broke up with me because they knew I was in love with you, sure, everyone in my fucking life knew but you - I understand that too sure," he stops, breathing loudly and you feel the lump around your throat way to thigh, "and he fucking knows that if I could I would've got over this sooner, so yeah, maybe I was too fucking sensitive when my friend act like I was a fucking coward who has commitment issues and would never do anything about it sure, it's my fault great, I can be responsible for that. I can take that sure, I can take Seungcheol, what I can't take is you playing dumb after last night, that I can't take it, and to be fair I don't want to, I don't have to, and you don't have a lot of excuses this time, I guess you remember right? And I think that time I made myself pretty clear so this time you must know right?"

You have been building your life around Jeonghan's for years. In a way, Jeonghan's life and yours were beautifully intricate, to the point that you weren't quite sure where one ended and one began. You think about how would your life be without Jeonghan's presence, and how would your future look like. And that scared the shit out of you.

"And that took you how many years Jeonghan?"

"Don't do that," he says and his voice feels almost small.

"Sure, I am sorry if I'm being fucking selfish right now, but you had your own time to think about everything, right? You have had years to come to your own terms? I'm freaking out here, do you think that's easy for me? Do you think it is easy to think about the aftermath if this goes wrong Jeonghan? Sure I understand that maybe that is your tipping point great, I understand that, but you are my friend and I don't fucking know how we will go on if we fuck everything up," you laugh, "I think we already passed that apparently."

"We didn't fuck it up," Jeonghan says, "Why can't you trust me for once?"

"I do," You say, and it is the truth, you trust Jeonghan with your life, "I do, I am just scared. You took your time to figure everything out, but every time I look back now I think about everything you didn't tell me,"

"I told you everything," Jeonghan says and you can almost feel his desperation, "I was sincere about everything,"

"Now you are just telling lies," you say laughing dryly.

"Sure I didn't tell you everything, but the things I haven't told you are small in comparison."

"The fact that you like me isn't small Jeonghan," you say, and it finally downs on you, that this - his feelings are a huge thing that you can't quite hide.

"What I am trying to say is-" Jeonghan says, finally taking steps and getting closer to you, "I will not go anywhere," you hear him - even though it feels like he is whispering, "even if we fuck up, even if this doesn't work out, I will not go anywhere, if that's what you are afraid of then you have nothing to be afraid. I won't go anywhere because that would kill me more than would hurt you, and even though everyone around me thinks I am a masochist I would prefer not to die."

"I would rather not hurt you," you say and you feel like you could cry, "I am sorry if I ever did."

"You did," Jeonghan says, taking your hand, and holding it firmly like that act alone can show you how serious he is, "but nothing I couldn't take, even If you hurt me again, I can take it, I will take it." 

Even if both of you don't want to, things stay a little weird between the two of you for some time. Like both of you are back to being so conscious of each other presence that it is just weird to jump right back at it, or, actually, take a step in another direction. But things fall back into place - more because of Jeonghan’s attitude than yours. He is the one that calls you for dinner, and he is the one that hugs you when you enter the kitchen.

He is the one that is trying to make things not weird. And you love him for it, you just love him, heatedly.

And the thing is, you always loved Jeonghan, but somehow, this kind of love and appreciation feels new and it is so scary, it makes you realize how everything is so fragile. But, at the same time - it makes you curious, it makes you wonder, it makes you act first just to see Jeonghan’s reaction.

Like when Jeonghan’s is whining about something and how he wants to quit his work so bad and you just hug him - almost melting against his back, placing your chin against his should and you can see Jeonghan freeze for a few seconds before he starts to pay attention on the food again.

Or when you start to watch a movie together and Jeonghan just melts in your lap, falling asleep while your hand goes through his hair. The next day when you whine about it he sweats to God he didn't sleep, he was paying attention to the movie, if you want to he can say the whole movie plot and all.

When the first Ttoram prototype arrives you are so excited that when you both place the little bunny on the dinner table, when she flops down - face diving because her head is too big - you are so happy for him that you just hold his face and place a quick kiss on his lips. Jeonghan looking at you wide-eyed. You almost start to laugh before you mutter:

“I told you, her head is too big,” you say trying to place Ttoram upright again.

“It is her charm, her brain is so big that she is dumb,” He says his voice weirdly fond, hands on your body pulling you into him.

“Yoon Jeonghan,” You stare at him - that weird mischievous smile on his lips, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“You should be honored,” Jeonghan says, holding your face almost making you yelp because his hands are so freaking cold, “You are my muse after all.”

And you almost curse him. But the thing is Jeonghan is cute, so will let it pass.

The thing is most of the time you are giggling and kicking your feet at everything Jeonghan does - that crush is so weird because you used to be stronger than that, now you are just falling in all of his antics, and boy doesn't he love it.

He just says the weirdest things out of nowhere just so he can hear your laugh. He holds you every time he has a chance, just pulling you close to hug you. But his favorite part of this new thing is how movie night now is just the two of you starting a movie to just act like a horny teenager.

Jeonghan is always the one who initiates it in a way. Sometimes is just caressing your arm before you start kissing him and licking against his mouth. Sometimes he feels bold enough and places his hand under your hoodie. The details always change but he always ends up with a hard-on and feeling like his younger self.

And it is happening again, his cock is hard, and he can barely hear the movie that is playing on the tv because you are kissing him and he can feel himself melting against the bed, like his whole body is going limp.

It is stronger than him, really. He wants to stay calm and collected but before he knows it he is already a whimpering mess, fingers digging in on your waist, his hips moving on their own, searching for some kind of pressure.

It is such a weird feeling, feeling so boneless and yet, feeling like he is a string - being pulled thigh enough he is about to snap at any minute.

When you break the kiss Jeonghan almost whines but before he can say anything you are already kissing his jaw so he just breathes loudly - accepting everything you want to give him.

“Can I suck you off?” You ask low on Jeonghan’s ears and he almost drop dead right there, like a fucking high schooler, like a teenager who just cum on his pant and drop dead when see a woman naked. And that would be fucking humiliating. He waited for so long he can't just burst a fucking nut in his own pants.

Jeonghan wants to answer you, he wants to say yes and maybe even mutter a please and thank you but somehow his brain is not even working properly, he is beyond dumb. But his dick is hard against his pants and he cannot even think properly - his brain is working overcapacity right now to try to take everything in.

So he does the only thing he can do in the moment - he pulls you into a kiss, and it is messy but Jeonghan doesn’t really care, focusing on the way you taste against his tongue. Jeonghan feels your cold hand against his stomach and he almost jumps at the spot, but you just whimper against his mouth when he does the same thing.

Jeonghan thinks the two of you are beyond niceties - you just told him you want his dick in your mouth, so he lets his desires win, while one of his hands is holding your waist under your shirt, the other one he uses to grope your ass. He squeezes your ass and at the same time, he tries to get your body even closer. You end up with your leg over him, across his hips, Jeonghan with his last functioning neuron takes the chance to shove his hand under your shorts too.

“Han,” you say when you come up for air, hand still splayed across Jeonghan’s body. “Come on,” you try again whining.

“Hm?” Jeonghan questions, his eyes almost closed and his head bent.

“You don’t want to?” You ask, voice low, taking the time that he uses to think about an answer to trail your lips across his neck, sucking at his skin, “I really want to but if you don't that's okay?”

“Hm?” Jeonghan mumbles - for a second he has no idea what are you talking about, his mind focused on how you feel against his hands, the weight of your body against him, how every curve of your body is pressed against his, how you smell and you taste.

“Suck you off,” you say again against his neck, almost petulantly like Jeonghan isn't paying attention, and he really isn't, but you shouldn't blame a man.

“Fuck,” he says almost whimpering.

Jeonghan was never like this - in his life nor in bed. He was never a mess, not to this point. Jeonghan always pretended to be somewhat collected, holding the strings of his life tight enough he could make his own choices, but it was never like that when the topic was you. So when the feeling pools on his belly, a reaction to how your fingers feel against his throat, taking matters into your hands when you grab Jeonghan's chin and maneuver his face in an angle so you can have access to more of his skin.

Jeonghan thinks he can die like this - almost dry-humping your leg. But apparently, you have other plans, your hand tugging at his joggers. Jeonghan's only reaction is to lift his hips, trying to help. It doesn't help much, but it is enough for you to shove your hands under his underwear, making Jeonghan shiver. When your hand finally finds his dick he almost melts, the tip of your things trying to map out everything before you apply pressure on it. He moans softly before closing his eyes.

He wants to be patient and wants to take whatever you give him, but the truth is he can't quite hold back anymore. His hands left your body so he can get hold of your face, kissing you. "Want to see you," he tells you, using all his strength to take one of the straps of your pajamas down. Kissing your shoulders, trying to map your collarbones with his mouth.

When Jeonghan tries to move the strap down your arm you don't budge, shaking your head telling him no, "don't want to stop touching you," and Jeonghan almost short circuit when your hand wraps around him and give his dick a few tugs.

"I know baby," Jeonghan coos, almost delirious out of his mind, his hand holds your wrist and takes out of his cock and the way that you just whine makes him even more desperate. His whole body is limp, almost melting. Jeonghan thinks he might die if he doesn't get naked, but he is too entertained with the view of your boobs in his face.

He knows there is an easier way to do this but fuck it, he is not in his right mind. Instead of taking out your flimsy excuse of a pajama Jeonghan just shoves It down, tugging at the end of the fabric while he kisses your chest. The way that you hold his head is so delicate that makes Jeonghan feel weirdly treasured even if he is completely debauched lapping at your skin. And Jeonghan takes his time, appreciating every inch of your skin

He could spend hours like this, he thinks - almost melting against you, kissing your chest lazily. He drags his tongue across your skin until he can reach your nipple, his hands come up your body until he can grab your boob so he can angle just right before his mouth is back to your body. Jeonghan thinks he can die like that, it would be a good way to go - your fucking tits on his face, your body pressed on his, his hard-on against your thigh, everything feels dizzy. When you shove your chest on Jeonghan's face, holding his face against you, he just takes it because he is so down and so horny that taking it is the only thing he can do.

"Hannie," you call and Jeonghan really just has enough strength to look up at you, without his mouth leaving your chest, "Just let me-" you try to say without much control of your own situation.

It is not like you are in your right mind either. Jeonghan's hands feels warm on your skin, and he holds you so tight that you think about the aftermath of his grip - you should make a mental note to check for marks after this, and that alone makes you tremble. You can only think about how Jeonghan's body feels against yours, how his mouth is still on you, and you want to cry because it is just so good but not enough. You feel you might cry. Or worse, die.

You press Jeonghan down until his back is pressed down on the mattress. And God he is so pretty, it makes you almost feel delirious.

When you sit down on Jeonghan's hips he feels like he is almost dying. Everyone he ever wanted felting very pale in comparison when he lay his eyes on you - hair already a mess, lips red from kissing him, flimsy shirt pooling at your waist. Your hands sneak under his shirt, and he almost laughs, damn he must be looking so dumb right now - feeling and behaving like a fucking virgin while his crush is on his lap, taking her time with him. You lift Jeonghan's shirt, dragging your hands underneath it, almost whining and frustrated when the shirt doesn't stay around his neck. Cute - he thinks, when you pout Jeonghan realizes he said that out loud.

"Just take it off," you whine again, tugging at his shirt.

Jeonghan just nods, holding your hips for leverage until he is sitting upright, holding the back of his shirt and taking it off in record time, before Jeonghan lies down again he feels your hand on his chin, holding him so you can kiss him again. Damn, he is lucky. But before he can think another thought you are pushing him back on the bad again, his hand on your hips.

Your hands travel on his body, caressing him - making him feel so close to losing his mind it is almost ridiculous. When Jeonghan's feels your fingers graze his neck he feels almost delirious, when your hand palms his chest and your digits press against his nipples it Is his time to whine, he almost feels like it is just too much, maybe he is closer than a step away from coming in his pants.

One of your hands is splayed against Jeonghan's stomach when the other one tugs  the waistline of his pants, pulling the elastic band and letting it hit against Jeonghan's skin. You shuffle around his hips, sitting on his thighs now and Jeonghan is ready to complain when you tug on his pants again, this time actually getting the cloth to move and get it stopped by Jeonghan's hard-on.

"Baby," Jeonghan mumbles, "that's too much," he tries again, but apparently there is nothing he can say to make you stop - and in all honestly he doesn't want you to.

Jeonghan thinks he will die if he doesn’t get his dick free. Even though he doesn’t want to he takes the hand off your ass so he can take down his joggers, shoving his underwear down at the same time, his other hand still firm on your waist.

When your fingers close against Jeonghan’s shaft he almost sees stars. You give him a few experimental tugs. He feels so breathless, how is that even possible?

You almost scoff, looking at how even his dick is pretty - really, you should complain because it is so unfair. You press your finger on his slit, collecting the drop of precum, and the way that his dick twitch it makes your mouth water, but before you can even complete your thoughts Jeonghan’s hand is holding your face and bringing it down to another kiss.

If it was up to Jeonghan he would kiss you the whole night, but you had other ideas, using one hand to shove him until he is lying again when the other one is still on his dick. He is pretty sure he can feel your taste against your mouth but yet he feels parched. When you start to press kisses on his body, the only thing Jeonghan can do is take it.

Jeonghan thinks you want to wreck him. He feels you press your lips against his nipples, his hips buckling on its own, and you stroke his dick a little bit harder. Jeonghan can barely breathe, yet, without wasting a second you are doing it again - pressing your lips to his other nipple and licking it.

Before he can even wrap his mind around that you start to lick his belly and Jeonghan almost sees stars. He just feels everything, and apparently, your tongue dragging against his skin goes straight to his dick. Jeonghan doesn't know how, but he lifts himself up on his elbows, the view alone could make him cum - you still kissing him, lips on his hips, pressing Jeonghan's dick against his tummy, fingers rubbing his frenulum and he is just so sensitive that he groans before he can hold your hand making you stop.

"Too sensitive?" You ask and why the fuck do you sound so out of it when Jeonghan is being pulled and pushed around the edge?

"A little," Jeonghan answers breathlessly, his tongue dry against his mouth.

"Ok, noted," you say before doing something even worse - placing your lips on the same place before kissing the tip of his dick.

You wrap your lips around Jeonghan can't really control himself, he just pushes his hips slightly so you can take more of him, and god when you moan around him almost makes Jeonghan forget every trace of decency and good bed etiquette. But damn you just look so beautiful sucking his dick, one of your hands digging on his thigh and the other one still wrapped around his dick that it is physically impossible to not thrust his hips up.

"God," Jeonghan says and he sounds so defeated against his own ears, "fuck, you are so pretty," he tries again, looking at you and when he sees you looking up at him, eyes almost twinkling with the praise. And his mind almost snaps - oh, you felt that didn't you? The joy of discovering something every time Jeonghan's hips snapped. He gets it now. It is almost like a power trip. "So pretty, taking my cock," Jeonghan tries again and he almost can feel your moan against his dick before he can hear it.

Every word that Jeonghan mutters makes you take more of his dick into your mouth until he is hitting the back of your throat, god and how he can take that? Your lips around him, your tongue dancing around his dick, the hollowing of yours checks each time you suck him. He is delirious and out of his mind. He tries his best, he really does, but his hips have a mind of its own, and before he knows it he is thrusting up again making you gag around him.

Then your mouth leaves his dick and Jeonghan feels like he is about to collapse, everything just feels so much - the sound, the spit trail, the way your breath is irregular, fanning against his skin - and yet the intensity of feeling nothing makes him mind spin a little bit.

"Come here," Jeonghan mutters trying to catch his own breath. You crawl up his body and Jeonghan can only focus on how messy you look, lips glossy and pink, and he can see the faintest trail of spit on the corner of your lips, he presses his lips there before he drags his fingers on your lips, "I let you suck my cock, can I fuck you now?"

"Please?" You ask back and Jeonghan can feel his dick twitching.

"How do you want me?" Jeonghan says tugging at the bottom of your shorts and he almost laughs when you just shove everything down at once - and he could laugh really, at your desperation but first, he is way worse than you, second you are so pretty that he can't wrap his mind around the fact that everything he conjured up in his mind every time he thought about you when he was lazily stroking himself didn't do you justice.

"You can stay like that," you say, and before Jeonghan can mutter an answer you are already placing your knees on the sides of his hips, his hands automatically going to your waist, his mouth pressing against your collar bones.

One of your hands goes to Jeonghan's jaw, just holding slightly, while the other one wraps around Jeonghan's dick again - and he swears he would say something but his mind goes completely blank when you press your pussy on his dick. Your hips moving to make his cock disappear between your folds, making it drag against your clit, Jeonghan can feel how wet you are and god everything just feels so hot - he feels tight all over, like his muscles are contracting, even the ones he didn't know he had.

"Are you getting off like this?" Jeonghan questions and his only answer is a whine and your hips buckling against him, "Come on baby," Jeonghan tries again, hand now holding your hip, guiding your movements, "I can-" Jeonghan breathes, he doesn't want to say it but, "If you keep going like that, pussy so pretty against my cock, I will cum before I-"

"God," you groan against his shoulder, "can you really?"

"Yeah," Jeonghan almost laugh, his hand grabbing your ass. Of course, he can, he could've come already, but he is dragging this off, he is holding himself back. "Babe," Jeonghan calls you, mouth hot against your neck, "I could've come on your mouth, I'm so hard it is almost painful,"

"Can we-" You almost hiccup, "can we like that" you mumble again, "you can fuck me later," you say and Jeonghan almost sees white.

God, he could cum like that this wasn't even a question, the question was could you? The fact that you were over the edge like him was enough to drive him crazy.

Every time you drag your hips against him Jeonghan's let out a little moan, and he feels so wrecked that he just plants his lips on your neck, sucking at your skin. Jeonghan does not know if it is a reaction or is just because he is losing his mind but he can tell you are getting faster, the rhythm getting a little off, the way you breathe against him, everything just seems too much, and Jeonghan can't take it anymore.

The world stops spinning for a bit - everything just stays still.

Jeonghan is out of it until the sound of your breath brings him back. You are almost pouting. "Did you?" Jeonghan asks, himself breathless too.

"No," You whine and you feel so frustrated that Jeonghan pities you a little bit.

"It's okay," he says - because it is he will take care of it, it's not a problem.

But when Jeonghan looks down he almost cums again. It is so messy. Why there is so much cum? God, he blinks at the view - trying to take everything but mainly you, hovering on his lap.

"Han," You call and Jeonghan is brought back to reality.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," he says, and it is not like he is in control anymore, his mind Is just gone, he just drops his hand - scooping his own cum and placing it own your pussy. You moan so loudly and Jeonghan can feel your desperation, pressing his digits more firmly against your clit, "Like that?" He questions and you can only nod your head, words falling. Jeonghan holds you close to him, your chest against his, your hand still going between your legs, his other hand holding your waits, "Fuck how can you be so hot," he starts going making you feel a light-headed, "I will eat you later okay?" Jeonghan says, "Don't worry, I will eat you out and I will let you fuck me, you just need to tell me what you need."

"Just," You hiccup, "Just like that."

Jeonghan listens to you, even though the position is not the best to his wrist and he could do so much better - but you just keep babbling on and on about how you are almost there, how he just needs to stay like that, how you are feeling so good that he listens to you, how could he not when you are almost coming undone against his fingers?

And then you bring Jeonghan's face up to a kiss, his mind was too focused on his fingers disappearing against your folds to catch on earlier, but you don't seem to mind when you lick against his mouth and finally cum. Jeonghan holds you against his body for a few seconds when he finally hears you groan.

"God I am so sticky," you complain and he finally laughs.

Jeonghan though, keeps his promise and he eats you out after that, and he fucks you too, and then, he just forgets he has his own room.

It is weird how much you two fit each other. And how seamlessly you two turn into boyfriend-girlfriend situations, or legally, husband-wife, but who cares about silly papers really?

Everything is normal really - Jeonghan keeps saying he need just a better Ttoram version before you two start promoting on social media. You two keep sharing dinners, and Jeonghan even makes a point about how the two of you need to go on a date. You bribe him, telling him he needs to call Cheol before the wedding - and he just shrugs and picks his phone up calling his best friend, you almost scream, it was that easy?

You two share everything, you don't know why but Jeonghan just chooses your bed to sleep in, you question him saying you want to sleep on his bed too - it just smells like you, is nice - he says before making a weird noise after face planting one of your pillows. 

It comes to the point that you get weirded out when you wake up and he is not on your bed. When you pick yourself up and finally drag your body out of the bed - something weird happens, an unknown voice resonates in your house - okay not yours, Jeonghan's but...

You find Jeonghan in the kitchen, back facing you, sipping a cup of tea with another woman. A very gentle elderly lady, her hair is almost all white, and everything about her screams grandma. She sees you before you can say anything,

"Hi dear," even her voice is gentle.

"Han?" You ask when Jeonghan stares at you, eyes fondly taking up your sleepy self.

"Hey baby, come here," He says opening his arms, "come here Iris was talking about how she was visiting her third grandson can you believe that?"

You could, sure, everything about her screamed grandma in uppercase letters, but what was happening?

"Yes," the old lady answers, "where was I?" she claps before she picks back up again, "See like I was telling you, Aroon's mom is my youngest daughter, and her pregnancy hadn't been the easiest so that's why I couldn't bring the table back," she says and you neck almost snaps, looking at Jeonghan's, he is so proud of himself that you almost scream. "So I'm sorry dear, your husband told me how much it meant to you but I was out of town so-"

God, he looks so proud and so full of himself, he couldn't be happier right now. God, you are so deeply in love with him. You could marry him all over again.

[BONUS SCENE ONE - THE WEDDING}

“Are we doing this for real?” You ask and the world is kinda spinning a little bit, by your side, Jeonghan holds your hand. You both stare at this little chapel, the Elton John one because you said that you would prefer to be married with don't go breaking my heart, Tiny Dancer or even Berry and the Jets as a soundtrack than any of the Elvis’s songs and of course Jeonghan listened, he listened to everything you said. What a fucker, how could you not be in love with this guy? What? Wait-

“Of course, we are doing this, we made a bet,” Jeonghan says still staring at the chapel.

“Only because we made a bet,” you say looking at him. When Jeonghan turns his head to look at you something inside you sings a bit - like a doll with something in the inside broke and jiggling inside.

“Of course darling, only because we made a bet,” Jeonghan says, holding your hand firmly, he smiles at you, and out of nowhere he is running inside the building and you follow him around because why not?

It seemed like a fucking great idea, and you both did lose the bet, even though right now you can't really think straight - how does a bet work? Can both people lose a bet at the same time? You are not totally sure but you guess Jeonghan is right, it can happen.

[BONUS SCENE TWO - BIOGRAPHY]

When Jeonghan finally opens the hotel door you almost fall in the room, but before you fall face flat on the floor Jeonghan's hands save you from breaking your nose.

“Wow, what a gentlemanly husband I have,” You say, tapping his chest.

“Sure, sure, perfect husband material right here,” Jeonghan says pointing at himself the door still open.

“You are,” you gushed, hands on his shoulders searching for some kind of balance, using these high heels shows was so wrong, but you knew at least you would be pretty in your wedding pics, and in the end, that’s all that matters - the pictures for your own autobiography that you will make for your grandchildren. You always told Jeonghan that you would make one for him too, with every single thing he gave you as a safe keep and the collection of pictures you have of him in different times of his life. You have pictures of Jeonghan with his long hair, with his short hair, the time he died it was almost white because he thought it would be so so cool and ended up hating how it fucked up his scalp. You had the material, you had the story, and you could do his biography, the funny thing now it is that his grandchildren could be yours too.

“What are you laughing at?” Jeonghan says, kneeling at your feet and taking your shoes off, wow, a life-saver.

“I just thought about grandchildren,” you squealed in a high-pitched voice that you didn’t know you had until Jeonghan’s hand found your hips.

“Grandchildren?”He asks you softly.

“The biographies,” you say and Jeonghan nods, “I was thinking about how I always pictured us together when we were gray and old in a nursing home together all that jazz, but know that I thought about it, your family will be my family so the grandchild will be the same kids, I won’t do your biography for your grandchildren I will do your biography for my grandchildren as well that changes a lot of things,”

“Like what?” He asks amused

“I don’t know if I want to tell them about the time you were sure to have gonorrhea or something like that”

“I do think we can let this story die with us,”

“wait, now that I am thinking about it like we only have one family," You say, a pouting on your lips, and Jeonghan almost melts, "that means only one visit in the nursing home because like when our family as separate entities we would have two families so two visit yours and mine now that I think about it I think we should divorce

“We are not divorcing," Jeonghan says.

“We can annul It,” you try again.

“We won't do it,” Jeonghan says, shaking his head like you are talking nonsense.

“But two visits are better than one,” You say showing him your fingers and trying to make him understand that two are indeed better than one, boys like girls even sang about this, was Jeonghan dumb?

“I won't have a family if it isn't your family,” Jeonghan says plopping down on the bed.

“Of course you can have a family,” you are sure of it Jeonghan is amazing there is nothing stopping him.

“But I don't want to,” Jeonghan whines looking at you and you get it, you finally get it.

“Damn boy you are crazy about me,” you say laughing, laying on his side.

“Now you are catching up,” Jeonghan says while his arms close around you.

“Still think two is a bigger number”

[BONUS SCENE - SHOULD WE?]

Jeonghan, your husband of three years, is eating on the kitchen counter and you can almost hear the gears in his brain turning and twisting. Sometimes, you think that maybe, Jeonghan is like a toy that he built the week prior, if you pick him up and shake him around you can hear loose parts of him rattling inside of himself.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask while opening the fridge.

“Should we go to Vegas again?” He asks taking a bit of his breakfast.

“Vegas?” you say - your head peaking and your body stretched so you can face him while the fridge door is open. 

“I was thinking we should renew our vows,” he says like he is thinking about buying lunch because he cannot bring himself to cook, “you know, I want you to actually remember our wedding.”

[kyanitedragon]

I shared a bunch of my thoughts after watching TOS Season 1 for the first time...

But I've been so impressed with Spock in particular, and now I entirely understand why everyone adores him.

Vulcans are such a complicated alien characterization, and it's really easy to misunderstand them or write them wrong. Since these were the first star trek episodes, I was a little worried that season 1 Spock might be far more "human" than later star trek vulcans, or simply than later TOS seasons when it got its footing.

But no, Gene Roddenberry knew what he was doing from the start.

I've always liked vulcans (I started on Voyager first and Tuvok was one of my early faves) but I never appreciated them more than now.

The way Spock is written is absolutely vulcan writing at it's best.

I've been getting tired of the modern trend since Enterprise of vulcans being emotionless assholes wanting to hold back humanity. I've been getting tired of the series not really challenging the humans' views and misconceptions. I've especially disliked Strange New Worlds' obsession with making Spock more "human".

Vulcans have emotions — their emotions are simply repressed and controlled. Vulcans can lie! Vulcans can joke! Vulcans can be amused! They just... do it all in a very vulcan way.

And Spock... TOS Spock does all of that.

He is so damn sassy and I adore it so much. He finds so much amusement in his human crewmembers, he loves to screw with people, he loves to insult Kirk and Bones and they love to insult him back. And no matter what, he always feels so distinctly vulcan.

My personal favorite is from Tomorrow is Yesterday (1x19), when they have an air force captain from the 1960's on the bridge and they're explaining to him the future. The man walks onto the bridge, saying that he "doesn't believe in little green aliens". And Spock, knowing that he is visibly alien, walks forward to show himself and says "Neither have I". He absolutely knew that he would confuse and freak out and overwhelm the 60's captain. He just wanted to have some fun and screw with this stranger.

But that's not all.

Vulcans are telepathic. They can mind mind. We see a mind meld in episode 9. I was shocked that we got one so early.

Vulcans can do the nerve pinch. Spock can easily knock out anyone with a simple shoulder grab, while Kirk has to punch people and hurt his hand.

Vulcans have super strength, too. Each time Kirk and Spock fight, we can clearly see the amount of difference in strength.

By all means, vulcans are OP. By all means, it should be insanely difficult to have such an OP main character surrounded by entirely normal humans.

And yet... it never feels that way. Nor does it feel like they ever need to nerf him.

Spock uses all these powers. He uses them often. He volunteers them, he suggests them, sometimes Kirk asks him to do something difficult or even painful and Spock always agrees with no hesitation.

And this never feels overpowered.

And when Spock doesn't use his powers? It's always because his powers are entirely irrelevant and couldn't be used - no nerfs needed.

This series does so well with Spock!!

[iceman-kazansky]

Hi there Ice!! I saw your writing challenge and I think that’s such cool idea. Love that you try to get back into writing. I looked through your rules and prompts. If you’re up to it, I would love to request something with Mr Jake "Hangman" Seresin. I know it’s a bit strange, because my blog doesn’t normally revolve around top gun, but I’m a fan 🙈 So going through your prompt lists I found the one with "you can hold my hand, if you want” really adorable or one with the “Shy/Easily Embarrassed Character Getting
Flustered” if you want. Whatever you’ll feel more comfortable writing about. Let your creativity flow. Honestly I’m happy with anything. Thank you for your dedication and for maybe considering this request. Take care 🩵😊

Not As Bad As I Thought

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Requested by: @sweetxvanixlla

Request: See answered ask above

Pairings: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x f!reader

Warnings: Nothing really that I can think of. I want to tag this as soft!Jake, as he's a little less cocky in this. Jake is mildly flirty. Mild mention of large crowd. 

Word Count: 1235

A/n: Saw this request and immediately began brainstorming what to write. In the end, I came up with this! Hope this didn't take too long for you and that it's curated to your liking, enjoy!! :)))

Taglist: 

@footprintsinthesxnd @inglourious-imagines

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

It was a relaxing day. A stark contrast from the gruelling training the rowdy group of young aviators had been enduring in preparation for a very important mission. When someone had heard of a midway coming to the nearby town, word was quick to spread amongst the bunch.

Now here you were, standing with the group of young pilots, the sounds of the midway loud around you. Mostly everyone had attended, with the superior officers being an exception. 

It was quite crowded as you walked among the rambunctious group of pilots, everyone wanted to do different things, there was a few minutes of banter and debate but before you knew it, everyone was splitting apart, going off on their own or in pairs. You hardly had time to react before suddenly it was just you left standing alone while the rest of the group dispersed. Or so you thought.

“Well, they sure all left in a hurry.” A familiar voice sounded beside you. Your gaze snapped to find none other than Jake Seresin still by your side, staring at you with a small smile on his face and a sparkle in his emerald eyes.

Simply humming in agreement, you nodded, “Yeah.” It was strange to have none other than Jake left by your side. Ironic, in a sense he didn't share that same ability to stick around long in the sky. 

“Well, seeing as it’s just us, do you want to stick together?” He said, a hopeful smile stretched across his face.

You contemplated your options. You didn’t really want to be alone, and you wouldn’t mind somebody’s company. Even if it was Jake's. “I’d love to,” you finally responded.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

You and Jake had spent the last few hours running around and doing nearly every ride possible, and now as it was getting later, you were heading to grab food.

You’d have been lying if you said that it hadn’t been fun hanging out with Jake all day, the normally cocky, and often irritable aviator had peeled back a few layers and shown you just how enjoyable he could be. The entire time you’d been jumping from line to line, ride to ride, you’d been laughing and conversing. Talking with Jake seemed to flow so smoothly, and you realized you had a little more in common than you ever imagined. Admittedly, simply being with the emerald-eyed aviator all day seemed to have given you more enjoyment and glee then you’d had in quite awhile.

Up ahead, the crowd seemed to thicken, making you feel a little anxious. “That looks.. difficult,” You said to him, eyeing the crowd warily, “Do you think we can get through? I don't want to lose you.”

Jake slows and looks down at you, “I think we can. You can hold my hand, if you want,” he offers with a shrug, extending his open palm for you to take.

His offer takes a minute to set in. The Jake Seresin was offering you to hold his hand in a crowd? The Jake who left his wingman's hanging –his callsign a delineation of that– extended his hand for you to take? Baffled, you hesitantly took his offer, holding onto him as he began pushing through the crowd.

With Jake doing an excellent job of navigating the crowded fair, he managed to guide you both to a stand selling the food you wanted, and you now waited in line patiently.

You ordered and sat down with him, eating and drinking while you both continued talking animatedly amongst yourselves while you hurried to get back to the rides.

The hand holding hadn’t slipped your mind from earlier as you got back up and began pushing your way back to the rides. It seems as if it didn’t slip Jake’s either, seeing as like clockwork he extended his hand for you to take as you passed through another dense crowd.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

It seemed as if the day was coming to an end all too soon. The sun had set long before and the midway was closing as the evening hours stretched on. Jake walked beside you in silence, one that was oddly comfortable and light. 

As you reached the parking lot and both your vehicles came into view, Jake turned to you suddenly, “Well, this has been an enjoyable date.” He said with a teasing smile plastered on his face.

You were certain you'd gone beet red as an overwhelming blush took over your features, “I– this wasn't a–” You stuttered, trying to object. Curse your inability to speak under sudden pressure.

Gently, Jake cut you off with a snicker, “Relax, sweetheart. I was joking.”

Sighing, you smiled at him. He was still that ever-flirtatious aviator you knew while flying. The conversation quieted down after that, Jake only piping up to offer walking you back to your car.

A few more minutes of walking and you now stood at the driver-side door of your vehicle. Hesitating, your hand hovered over the handle for a few moments. You realized you didn't want this to be the end. You wanted more things with him like this. Facing Jake, you spoke up, “Today was probably the most fun I've had in awhile. Maybe we could do something like this again?”

Your voice had been a little hopeful, hinting even. You wouldn't object if you and him did things like this more often. Whether you called it a date or a simple ‘hanging out.’ The whole day had been enjoyable for you. It felt oddly intimate as just-coworkers spending a day together. You'd learned so much about the man outside of a cocky, sometimes stuck-up aviator.

Jake smiled at you, and you couldn't help but notice the subtle glint of something in his eyes. What it was exactly, you weren't sure. “I'll take you up on that offer,” He replied, “How would dinner at my place next weekend sound?”

“Sounds great.” You agreed, smiling back as you opened your door and got in. Jake went back to his own car and you were left to drive home by yourself. The whole way home you found yourself beaming uncontrollably at the prospect of a date with Jake. As you arrived back home, you decided that maybe Jake wasn’t that bad, after all.

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ || ɴᴀᴠɪɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤? 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝!

[gallusrostromegalus]

I am constantly procrastinating working on my original fic by writing fanfic. Any advice for how to refocus and finish my novel?

Well. The novel probably needs a nap.

Procrastinating is a symptom that something is preventing you from doing the thing you "should" be doing. Most of the time it's an unrelated, but actually higher priority task like resting after an illness (society is fucking lying about anything else being more important) or filing your taxes (actually this one is pretty important).

...but if you're procrastinating on one creative project with another creative project, you're not procrastinating: something about the novel is off right now, the fanfic is more appealing to you.

Consider the following:

You may be writing fic because it brings you more joy than the novel. If you really want to get back to the novel, figure out what would make working on it more enjoyable. Engagement from a beta-editor? Skipping this really boring scene and coming back to it later? Adding more smut?

You may also be writing fic because it's got a lower spoon coat than the novel and you need to conserve your spoons right now. Any extra stress in your life? Moving? Toothache? Recovering from Covid? Annoying roommate? Sick family member? It's an election year? ANY of those could soak up extra spoons and make your novel too expensive for your spoons budget. Let it take a nap, and come back when you're feeling better.

You may be sharpening your artistic skills on a lower-stakes project before going back to the novel. This is pretty normal- even Michaelangelo took breaks to work on other pieces while sculpting The David, both for a change of pace and so he could try something out without fucking up the big block.

Fortunately, you're writing, so you can always try writing the challenging scene a dozen times in different docs or save the parts that were good but don't not in a spare parts bucket doc.

Or keep working on that fic, it's helping you learn on a subconscious level.

You don't love the novel right now. This is alright. This is usually temporary, and the solution is the same- put it aside and work on something else.

Maybe you are just bored of the novel. That's fine and normal, you just save all the documents to your hard drive and come back later. When the fic inevitably gets boring too, you'll come back to the novel and either go "oh hey this kicks ass!" And return to it with renewed enthusiasm.

...Or you'll come back to it and go "oh. This is actually a piece of shit" And that's okay too, because there's nothing more useless than polishing a turd, but that turd is still valuable as compost. You learned things writing it, and you can still rifle through the novel for good lines or scenes or turns of phrase and put those in your spare parts doc to ferment into The Good Shit in the back of your mind.

HOWEVER:

If you are experiencing a different phenomenon wherein you are actively distressed while writing the fic- either out of misplaced guilt, or the fic isn't actually fun you just feel compelled to do something, or absolutely every creative endeavor is stressing you out, you may be experiencing a serious mental or physical health issue and you should see your GP or a specialist ASAP. Pain is an indicator that something is wrong. Do not ignore your body's warning light.

That sounds really dramatic and hyperbolic but realizing I was not enjoying ANY creative work was the symptom that finally got me to sit down and go "huh. All these random pains, irregular sleep cycle, frequent migraines and weird bouts of vertigo aren't normal either, I should get this looked at." And it turned out I had dangerously low blood oxygen at night from undiagnosed sleep apnea. I have a CPAP machine now and it's AMAZING.

I really hope this is regular artistic shuffle and not a serious health concern, but if you're experiencing creative stress AND a bunch of other shit, it may be serious.

[starlight-sev]

Legilimency, and Other Secrets (Teen!Snape x Reader)

Request: Severus snape x reader. Severus use a legilimency on reader. She finds out by Severus answering something she hasn't said yet. She is little bit in shock but in good way.

Requested by anon

A/N: I've always wondered, how did Severus begin learning Legilimency? Was it always a skill he had? Was it something he did for fun in his spare time, or was it more for survival?

This lil fic goes into the lighter side of it -- what if it really did just start out as a fun lil hobby for him? hehe enjoy :)

Severus was acting strange lately.

You couldn't put your finger on it, not exactly, but there was something different about him. He seemed quieter than normal. More solemn. You saw it in the way he'd complete his assignments in the library, he'd be halfway through a sentence and then he'd abruptly stop writing. His jaw would clench ever-so-slightly, and then he'd start glaring at his parchment as if he were trying to burn a hole right through it.

"You're staring again." Severus's low voice snapped you back into reality. You blinked, folding your arms across your chest as you leaned back in your chair.

"You're doing that thing again." You retorted.

"What thing?"

"I don't know, you're staring at your assignment as if it might snap up and bite your face off any second."

"I'm concentrating." He replied slowly, picking up his quill and going back to writing. You sighed, not fully satisfied with Severus's answer, and went back to reading.

Almost like clockwork, it happened again. Mid-sentence, Severus stopped writing and stared at his assignment. You glanced up with a frown, observing the distant look that filled his eyes.

"You're doing it again, Y/N."

"So are you!" You exclaimed, only to wince a moment later as a few aggressive shushes filled the library. You leaned forward, lowering your voice to a whisper. "Severus, I swear on Merlin's beard, if Sirius is coming after you again-"

Severus rolled his eyes. "This has nothing to do with him. Or Potter, or anyone else."

"Then why are you acting so weird?"

As Severus opened his mouth to protest, you rolled your eyes.

"I've known you for seven years. You're my best friend, I can describe your routine in my sleep. Someone could break that window right over there and it still wouldn't interrupt you from writing. Don't even bother trying to tell me nothing's wrong."

You can be so stubborn sometimes.

Severus frowned, his gaze suddenly snapping up to you.

"Look who's talking." He retorted. "I'm stubborn? You're the one who won't ever let me help you with Potions, and you nearly failed the class last year because of it!"

You gaped at him as you slowly closed your book and pushed it out of the way.

Did you just...?

Severus swore under his breath and threw his quill down onto the table in resignation. He shook his head in defeat.

"Well, secret's out I guess." He shrugged, running a hand through his hair.

"What the bloody hell was that!?" You hissed. Your mind was reeling as you tried to find a logical explanation for what just happened. Severus responded with the tiniest smile.

"My latest project." He answered simply. "I was going to tell you eventually, but I wanted it to be perfect."

"Your latest project..." You shook your head in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that you've just been casually practicing Legilimency this entire time?"

Severus met your gaze, answering your question with nothing but a sheepish grin. You laughed in awe.

"Do it again." You nodded in encouragement. Severus rolled his eyes after a moment's pause.

"You have to think of something other than Legilimency first. At least make it somewhat of a challenge."

"Oh. Right." You looked down for a moment, concentrating on the first thought that popped into your mind. Something that would be hard for Severus to pick up on.

Your mind went to the Amortentia potion you had to make in class last month. One of the few things you had brewed properly. No one was obligated to share what theirs smelled like, and you decided to keep yours secret even though Severus had pestered you relentlessly about it. You never forgot its scent, though: amber and spices, something similar to cloves, and just a hint of something clean and soapy. Almost floral, now that you thought about it-

"Y/N..."

Your eyes met Severus's. His cheeks were tinged pink as he gaped at you without a word. You felt your own cheeks heat up as you looked away.

"I guess you saw that, huh?" You asked softly. Severus leaned forward, and you felt his gaze burning into you. His dark eyes seemed to glow with emotion intense enough to intimidate you. You had to look away. You were glad to be sitting down, the way he was gazing at you made your knees weak.

"It's bergamot." He whispered. You blinked, your eyes finally meeting his in confusion.

"Huh?"

"That floral scent you were wondering about," Severus laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair. "It's bergamot. I found the soap in Hogsmeade during our last outing there. I had no idea you noticed it."

You pressed your lips together, looking away. You had thought it would be funny, almost ironic, to reveal what your Amortentia smelled like. Now that it was actually happening, you weren't expecting things to get this real or intense.

Severus frowned in thought for a moment, before turning his gaze back to you.

"Um, could you look at me?" He asked softly. "I want to try something. And try not to blink."

Your heart raced, but you managed to maintain eye contact with him. Your chest tightened as you felt a nudge somewhere in the back of your mind. There was a pause that followed where everything inside you felt empty, and then suddenly you smelled it. Your soap, the scent of your laundry, and the lotion you'd sometimes use. All wrapped up in one.

Severus smiled, though there was still nervousness in his eyes, as you realized what was happening. He was in your mind, sharing his own memory with you. You were experiencing everything he did that day.

"Since you shared your Amortentia with me..." He said softly as the last few scents faded from your mind. There was a gentle pressure, almost like a little bubble being popped, as Severus left your mind. "I figured I might as well do the same."

"You just went into my mind." You gasped in awe. He nodded.

"I've never done that before. I needed your permission, through eye contact, I think. I have to admit, I didn't think it would work as well as it did. But... I guess my secret's out now."

"More than one secret, I would say." You laughed to try and shake off the shock and excitement that filled your heart. It did little to make any of your feelings dissipate.

"I'll be honest," Severus spoke softly, a touch of an anxious quiver perceptible in his voice. "I'm not too sure where to go from here."

"Me neither." You admitted honestly. "We're still friends, right? Like... knowing all this, does it change anything between us?"

Severus shook his head vehemently. "I don't want anything to change. At least, not for the worse. We're still friends. Definitely still friends."

You nodded, and a thought popped into your mind.

...Maybe more?

Severus glanced up at you, inhaling sharply. He blushed almost as soon as the thought crossed your mind, and you knew that he had heard you.

"Yeah." He breathed. "I'd like that."

[triasticalwarlock]

Yandere sonic

Pair- sonic x reader

Warning- MDNI, yandere behavior, possessive behavior, obsessive behavior,emotional manipulation, manipulation,gaslighting, non-con sonic, PDA, delusional behavior, forced relationship, stalking.

Note- this is just for fun! Also, I'm still trying to correct Sonic's personality, so bare with me please.( This is the sonic from the anime! But you're welcome to imagine another version as well) Having a lot of fun with writing, might actually make a one-shot! Maybe. There are more than likely a few spelling errors I looked over, so bare with me again. This took to fucking long

For sonic, I don't see it being love at first sight. this is because sonic is level headed, calm, and it's clearly shown how he acts around new people. He's not rude of course, but it does take a bit before he gets completely used to them. That being said, it's the same when you roll around. Still, he's not a jerk, but he just needs to get used to your presence. As a animal, it can be uncomfortable for them is someone new is where they normally hang out at, even if they don't show it, it's still there.

So, even when he does get used to you, it'll be a lot different. He'll actually start to go up to you and talk, not like he didn't before, but he enjoys it a lot more now. Not that anyone could notice. They just think it's the same ol sonic.

Now, up to the things that'll make him like you a lot more(maybe not in a healthy way): it could be a lot of things, maybe it was the way you were able to keep up with him, not speed wise. But his attitude. When ever he starts to wise up, getting cocky, you challenge him. He says how he's the fastest thing on earth, you say how shadow beat him that one time, and that there are millions of other universes out there. And you do it in the same cocky tone he speaks about in. Or how you always protect and care for his friends, how much you care for tails means the most to him, as much as he loves all of his friends, tails is his brother. So when he sees you patching he up after a the x tornado cashed, sonic will feel a sense of something, something he's never felt before. And dear God, when you take care of sonic is a nightmare for both of you, for different reasons; For sonic, it's because feeling you oh-so gentle touch on his skin makes him literally vibrate. While your reason is because he won't fucking sit still, but you figure it's because of him having a running craving. You couldn't be anymore wrong

Speaking of running, he will definitely make you run with him, even though you can never keep up. So he slows down a bit, not being with you exactly but a little ways away, just so he can tease you about how 'your almost there!' and when you scowl at him as he grins and Snickers. Kinda like in the first episode, where he's running backwards in front of team S, playing with them

Also, he gets unbelievably clingy, like, unreasonably clingy. when ever he's sleeping, or trying to sleep. If you walk by, he has no problem grabbing your wrist and pulling you on him. Even if your taller. He does not care, if he wants to cuddle, he will get those god damn cuddles. He will force your head to the nape of his neck, put his head on yours, and trap you with his arms. Normally, sonic would never do this, but the desperate need to now if your ok is a lot stronger than his shame for not giving you personal space. With sonic, you personal space is his personal space. You share bubbles

If your shorter than him, than good luck, cause he will use you as a arm rest. Tease you, pick you up like a rag doll, and all with that signature smug smirk. And it gives him an advantage to trap you to, when ever you try to get up from a cuddle, he'll pull you back. Curling above you as you whine about wanting to get up. He chuck, putting all of his body weight on top of you. Teasing you about how ' what are going to do about it?' And as you whine, and huff and puff. He will not move.

Now, if you get up for another reason, like going outside, or getting his friends. And that's when his more... Concerning side shows. He literally can not function when you out of his sight, his anxiety and possessivnes getting the best of him, he'll always run off to find you. The discomfort of you not there is unbearable. so when you try to leave his sight willingly. He panics, and uses the best trick in the book, manipulation.

" but i don't want you to get hurt! Eggman's been stepping it up lately, who knows what he'll do to you if he captures you! And more than likely, he'll use you as bait, and maybe we could get hurt trying to save you, there's no telling what Eggman's got planned. And you can never be to careful."

" And if your with me, you will never get hurt, no one will! So why don't you came back, and cuddle with me again."

Yea, it's really bad. And note how it wasn't a question, the last one. Even if you disagree, sonic will force you back to bed, saying how you've been overworking a lot lately anyway, and that what a better way to relax than to cuddle with your 'friend' sonic. He'll force you under him, curling above you as he keeps on saying it's so you, and your friends won't get hurt. But at this moment, he could care less about his friends, he just cared about you. But from your point of view, your scared about what he's doing. And how for just being a hedgehog, speed wasn't the only thing going for him, it was strength to. You never expected this, you thought back to the hedgehog you were talking to not even 10 minutes ago. Your best friend, the one that would lend a hand, the shoulder you could cry on. Was not who you were looking at, this was someone else.

Now, if you go back to him without a fuss, it will be a lot better! He'll pull you back to him, laying down with you. And will go back to talking, like you weren't just trying to leave him (in his thoughts). Speaking of his thoughts, in both instances. The one thing he will be thinking is; ' why are you trying to leave me?" And while on the outside he looks unbelievably calm. But on the inside he's freaking out, scared, and worried for what he did that would make you want to leave. Was it something he said? Something he did? Did someone tell you something about him? Who was it? Lover's quarrel? Ah, that had to be it.

He's so delusional that he won't even ask you to be his girlfriend, assuming that you guys are already in a relationship. So when you try to tell him that it's not true, he'll act like you're the crazy one

"you uh, feeling ok baby? Don't know how you could forget that we're in a relationship, but that's okay! I'll let it slide. This time"

" y/n, for the last time! It's okay that you forgot, I'll make you remember."

This guy has the biggest ego in the sonic universe, so he'll automatically assume, that again, your in a relationship. I mean, it doesn't matter if he asks or not; he saves you, is there for you, protects you, stands up for you, traps you from harm, feeds you, cuddles with you, and so much more! What's the point in asking?

And besides, he loves you so much more than those other. Things. You should be grateful he looks your way!

But, even though he'll save you from harm. Sometimes, he's the one that puts you in it just to impress you, only you. He'll never let you actually get hurt, just captured. And he'll save the day by swooping in at the last second. Getting your praise is one of the most important things in his life, something he couldn't possibly live without, something truly out of this world, or, universe.

And when ever your out, oh boy. Be prepared because he does not hold back, he'll always be touching you, it's so he nows you're still okay! You're not hurt. And he won't be subtle, he does not give two fucks about what other people think; He'll wrap his arms around your waist from behind as your looking at something, hold your hand, wrap his arm around your neck, kiss your cheek, forehead, and nose. Once again, he doesn't give a flying fuck.

He's also stupidly overprotective. He'll follow you around, and it's not like you could catch him at the corner of your eye or run from him. He's the fastest thing alive! And he's not stalking you! He's simply protecting you, wouldn't want Eggman to steal you away! Now would we?

There's not many things that sonic will lose his cool over, he's probably one of the most chill people you will ever meet. But, that doesn't mean he'd never go apeshit. And one of these things are people, people talking to you. Why are they around you? They shouldn't even be breathing the same air as you. He sees people that you talk to as a threat, even if their the least threatening person on the planet. He doesn't care, and he will gladly scare them away. Without you knowing of course, all he has to do; is look at them in the eye from behind you, glow dark, Make his eyes white, and bam! Their running off. But no one else sees this of course! He wouldn't want to ruin his reputation, now would he?

And when you two are alone, he'll plant doubts in your head about your friend or friends. Making you eventually believe that their not a good person, and it always works. He won't stop until it does.

" I don't really like this Joseph guy y/n, he's tried to hurt people in the past. What do you mean I'm lying? I've seen him do it in person! What makes you think that I haven't? I stopped him from doing it before, and I'll stop him from doing it again!"

A sigh, "i'm sorry y/n, it's just-i don't want you to get hurt, please understand that I'm only trying to help and protect you. And by doing that, I'm warning you of this guy before he does something."

" are you sure about this? I'm not so sure you should go out with her tonight y/n, or any other nights. What I mean is that she's not a good person, she manipulates people. I've heard she doing it! Why do you think I wasn't to happy with being 'introduced' to her by you?"

And even with all the lies, he truly feels like he isn't hurting you, he genuinely believes that he is just protecting you. He's not intentionally isolating you, nor will he call it that. He's just protecting you from the dangers of this fucked up world, and if he wants to shelter you. He will

But, even after all he's put you through, remember. He'll " always love you!"

[vinlandtales]

snake x fem! reader (smut)

here's a new os, this time about snake!! it's the first time i write about him,, let me know if you want more!! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

snake gave you a mission, but you couldn't satisfy him...

enjoy !! ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* tw : unprotected sex ; slave/master kink ; he's kind of mean ; reader is submit to him 

You worked at the farm since you were born. Born as a slave, of course. But the fact that you were a girl was an advantage. Now you were in your twenties, and you started to think about your future. Escaping the farm was an idea. It flourished in your mind many times. But you could never. Even if the guards were drunk most of the time, they were loyal and followed the orders that he had given.

Snake was known as a problem child. When he says something, no one tries to discuss his instructions. And they were clear : nobody goes out of the domain without his permission.

He was older than you, but you were not sure of his age. Maybe thirty ? His posture was fully developed. He had eyes fighting between blue and green, like ocean and land, his two territories. You also knew he was a good fighter. That was all you knew about him. He never talked to you, even if you were in the same room as him.

One day, while you were preparing the meal, he broke into the house. He seemed to be upset. He kicked into a chair and fell on it. You pretended not to see that his breath was short, some sweat was rolling on his forehead.

- That damn slave… he spatted.

You said nothing and continued to cut vegetables.

- He’s not a normal slave… How could he avoid my fist like that ? - You talk about Thorfinn, Master Snake ? you asked.

You immediately covered your mouth with your hand. You knew you weren't allowed to talk to him except if he did it first. But he didn’t seem to care.

- You know that brat ? Do you know where he comes from ? - I… I don’t know, Master Snake. I know him only because sometimes, I see him drink at the well. I noticed that his gestures are… He’s self-confident.

Snake frowned. He was really upset. You could imagine the scene. It was always the same : he challenges a man, they start to fight, he wins. Maybe that time the fight was different.

- You know what…mh… What’s your name, again ? - y/n… you mumbled. - y/n, you’re going to investigate Thorfinn. I give you a week to find where he came from. If you can’t answer me, I do what I want with you. And I’m never out of inspiration.

You swallowed hard before answering.

- Ye…Yes, Master Snake. I’ll do what I can to give you this information. But if I want to approach him, I need to work with him…

Snake raised his index and you immediately stopped talking.

- That’s my business to decide who works with whom. I’ll give him instructions. And if he resists again…

He stood up and walked out of the house. Before smacking the door, you heard him declare :

- I’ll kill him.

- I don’t like to talk about my past, Thorfinn said softly. I was young, I did things I regret. - You mean you killed people ?! you asked.

You stopped talking. Maybe you were too curious. Thorfinn could be suspicious. After all, you only worked with him for three days.

Snake had assigned him with you, officially as a punishment. But you knew his plan. Thorfinn had left the forest to join you in the house, doing domestic tasks. Even for a slave, it was quite humiliating for a man to do the dishes and laundry. His camarades never missed an occasion to make fun of him. But he didn’t seem to be upset at all. He had a lot of self control. Self control, huh… Maybe he gained it after the things that he did.

You dropped the plate that you were washing, and it exploded on the ground. You have guessed. Thorfinn blenched.

- y/n, are you okay ? he asked you by examining your hands. Are you injured ? - Fuck, you responded. It’s porcelain. The old man’s gonna kill me. - Don’t worry, I’ll tell him that it was my fault, that I jostled against you.

You were a little flattered by the way Thorfinn worried about you. He was just so nice. You couldn’t do this to him. You couldn’t report his past to Snake.

- Thorfinn, you started, your hands still in his.

His eyes softened when he noticed that you didn’t cut yourself. His gaze met yours.

- Are you… I mean, were you a warrior ?

He immediately dropped your hands and pushed you on your back. He held your shoulders so you couldn’t move.

- How do you know that ? Answer me ! he demanded.

You could tell that he was afraid, even panicked.

- I… I just guessed, by the way you’re always so calm… The way you fought Snake off… Nobody can resist him except you. You’re different from the other slaves. - Please, y/n, don’t tell anyone. I must forget that part of me. I try to. - But Snake… - He asked you to spy me, am I right ? Please, don’t tell him. He’ll challenge me again and I could injure him this time, even if I don’t want to fight. Anymore. Can you understand that ? - I wish I could do that for you, but…

You escaped his look, embarrassed. You felt like the most selfish person in the world.

- He told me that I would be his… thing, I guess… If I can’t find where you’re from.

Thorfinn seemed distraught. He released you and went to his tasks again.

- I’m sorry, Thorfinn. I just… - You don’t have to be sorry. I don’t want to put you in danger. Who knows what he could do to you ?

It hurts to admit that Thorfinn was right. You’ve already seen how Snake treated people who disrespect or disappointed him. You didn’t want to be a part of them. On the other hand, you developed so much empathy for Thorfinn. You couldn’t do that to him. Snake would kill him.

Days passed so fast and you knew you couldn’t escape the moment.

- y/n ? Snake called you. Join me inside !

You dropped the bucket that you were filling and entered the house, following him. He sat and his eyes met yours. You were so afraid, but you’ve made your decision. No matter the consequences. You prevented your hands from shaking.

- So ? he asked by raising an eyebrow. Did you learn things about him ? - I did, you declare.

His look brightened. You could feel how tense he was.

- Thorfinn… He’s…

You swallowed hard.

- He's been a slave since he was born, just like me, Master Snake. But I can tell you that he met a lot of warriors in his life. He used to take care of the warriors’ horses. I guess he had a lot of time to observe them training, and learning how to fight by himself…

Snake’s expression was indecipherable. Your breath was short. You’ve never lied before, especially to a superior. He didn’t seem to believe you. Your body started to shake because of the fear you felt, from your brain to your toes.

He approached you. He was so close. His face almost touched yours, but before it happened, he grabbed your throat. His grip hurted you and you could barely breathe.

- You’re lying to me, y/n, I don’t like that…

You shook your head no, but it seemed to make him even angrier.

- I think you’re hiding things from me, he whispered in your ear. I think you’re helping him… I’m not surprised, to be honest. You care about people. You don’t want me to attack him. And you’re ready to be mine to protect your new friend…

You couldn’t see his face, you only felt his anger burning you through his voice, his grip. His heat near you made you boil too. Tears filled your eyes and you managed to articulate :

- Master Snake… Please… Do what you want with me, but… - Shut up. You know what, I’ll do what I promised. Your information doesn't satisfy me, that’s life. But the fact that you’re lying to me…

With an unexpected ease, he forced you to sit on the table, still holding your throat.

- I’ve planned to seduce you if you could have satisfied me, but you know what ? I’m gonna fuck you right now. You’ll understand why you would have been better off telling me the truth.

Even if the situation was uncomfortable, you couldn’t help but feel released. You’ve imagined so many ways that he would have killed or tortured you. But the only thing he wanted was sex with you. Too happy to live to resist, you stayed in character and played afraid of him -it seemed to work on him. The only thing that pleased him was to see you submitted.

- I guess I’ll not have the privilege to take you for the first time.

How does he know ? you thought. It was true that you had sex a few times with some other slaves. But everytime you were careful not to be caught.

- You think I don’t know everything that happens on my farm ? Poor thing…

As he talked to you, his gaze slowly darkened. You couldn’t help but dive in. But his goal came back to his mind and he tore your legs apart to place himself between. You immediately felt his erection on you and gasped. You could tell he was huge. He smirked.

- I knew you would behave like that. - I guess you know everything, Master Snake…

He pushed himself harder on you. You escaped his eyes by looking away.

- Don’t you dare make fun of me. Don’t forget you’re my slave. I do what I want with you.

You didn’t know why, but his tone made you a little… confident ? It seemed like even if he enjoyed having control, he actually really desired you. It made you think that he wouldn’t be brutal.

He took off his shirt and did the same to you. You thought he would continue to get undressed, but instead, he attacked your lips.

His kiss showed you how his skills were developed. His lips were soft, juicy. His tongue met yours and you tried your best to follow his rhythm. His hand grabbed your breast and massaged it. You let a sigh go, and he smiled against your lips.

- How soft, he mumbled.

His other hand caressed your back to increase the pressure between you. His skin was hot, burning yours. You risked touching his shoulder.

- Don’t be afraid of me, he said softly. - I’m not, you reassured him. Not anymore.

He finished undressing you, and took a few seconds to look at you.

- Beautiful, he said for himself. Turn your back on me.

You obeyed and abandoned his contact. He pushed you on the table.

- Yes, like this, y/n. Get on your elbows so your back is arching. Yes, this way.

By telling you instructions, his hand caressed your back from the neck to your ass. You heard him spit and felt his fingers tease you, discovering your body. Your toes curled and you squeezed your legs.

- You lied to me earlier. I’m sure you know I have to do this. You need to understand that lies are not allowed with me. Now take a deep breath.

He pushed two fingers into you and you before you couldn’t do anything. You moaned in pleasure, unable to hide it anymore. His gestures were perfectly calculated, and found your favorite place easily.

- Is that good, y/n ? Remember, don’t lie to me. - Yes, it is, Master Snake, you sigh. - I love when you call me like that. You’re the only slave who dares to say my name.

His moves became faster and he also started to caress your clit. You felt that you were close. And so was he.

- You think I’m gonna make you this gift ? You have to deserve it.

His moody behaviour frustrated you. He took you to his bedroom. You’ve never been there. Slaves weren’t authorized. He had a large bed, covered by furs.

- Wait here, he ordered. Sit and wait.

He disappeared for a few seconds in the other room. When he came back, he was totally naked. You’ve prepared yourself, but you couldn’t help but feel intimidated by his nudity. He noticed it and closed the curtain so the room was darker. You could only see his silhouette. His long hair was floating around his face, his gaze was brightening in the shadow.

He lay down next to you, but you didn’t dare approach him.

- Get on top of me, he said.

With your legs shaking a little, you tried to place yourself, but were unsure of your gestures. He seemed to get impatient, and grabbed your thighs so all your weight fell on him. His cock rubbed on your intimacy, making you squeal.

- Don’t be afraid, I’m strong enough. I want to feel your skin on mine. Can you feel how much I want it ?

By questioning you, he sucked his thumb to make it wet and caressed your clit again, making little circles around it.

- I do, you replied. - You do, who ? he asked by going harder on your body. - I do, Master Snake.

Without any warning, he pushed himself deep into you, locking the position by grabbing your waist. You gasped because of his assault on you, but also his touch. But he didn't move. You caught your breath, getting used to his size.

- You think I’ma do the job myself ? You’re my slave, after all. Please me.

You swallowed hard and tried to save the appearance. You didn’t want him to see that he managed to turn you on. You slowly wiggled on him, and immediately got a wave of pleasure. His size was perfect, and so the view. You could guess his body only by looking at his shadow. You stared at his belly, moving fast due to his short breath. His jaw was tense.

You finally found a rhythm that seems to please him.

- Fuck, he grumbled. Fuck this.

And again, he attacked your limits. He grabbed your waist to lift you a little, and started to pound into you with no mercy. You couldn’t hold it anymore and moaned loudly, receiving each thrust with more pleasure. He immediately covered your mouth with one hand ; tears filled your eyes.

- You wanna cum, don’t ya ? he spat between his teeth. - I… I do, Ma… you articulated.

He flipped you on your back without going out, and continued to fuck you. Your breasts moved following his cadence. His face was so near. His hair tickled your face.

- You like that, huh ? To get railed by me, your Master ? - Yes, yes ! you nearly scream. Please, don’t stop, Master Snake… Please…

You saw a satisfied smile appearing on his face. He kissed you passionately. You grabbed his -so damn thick- shoulders and let yourself go. Your walls clenched around him. He crawled higher on you, his cock near your belly.

- Jerk me, he ordered. Hard.

You obeyed and grabbed his cock. In the dark, you noticed his gaze on you. He seemed to be tireless. But a few seconds later, his cum squirted on your skin. His breath was short, and he fell next to you, catching his breath.

- Damn, he said after a moment. Didn’t expect that at all. - Me…me neither, you risked.

He chuckled and grabbed a lock of your hair, twisting it between his fingers.

- So, you don’t want to tell me where he came from ? - I can’t betray him, Master Snake, I’m sorry.

He raised on his elbows and you captured his frowned look.

- If you continue to hide things from me, I’ll have to correct you again, he teased by gently touching your neck.

You shuddered.

- I’m sorry to tell you this, Master Snake, but if what just happened is the kind of correction you’ll give me… I can’t wait to lie again.

[auraisereigh]

"A dive into the past"

chapter nine

Brennan Sorrengail x Riorson reader Blurb: Star explains a piece of her magic while passing time waiting for e certain someone. wc: 3.9k ☆ SPOILERS FOR THE EMPYREAN SERIES. Not much really. Star's thoughts get their own warning? Uses pronouns: she/her. i use Star as a nickname as y/n sounds weird, and i'm awful with names.

Masterlist ☆ Dragon guide ☆ Star's story ☆ Empyrean guide ☆ Support me

After a lot of back forth with House Lindell today would finally be the day I'd see my brother again. Almost two months after I came back home I finally get to bring him home.

I didn't sleep much, I kept tossing and turning, filled with nervous energy. Wondering what state he'd be in, we might have been separated for only two months but those two months have been long and difficult.

Since I couldn't sleep I spend the night cleaning Xaden's room, tidying it up, making sure everything he could possibly need would be there. I refreshed his sheets which gained me some glares from the early staff because of the noise. I also gave him new and extra pillows.

In the morning I almost bumped into Brennan. Despite that our... Issues had been resolved, I didn't necessarily go look for him to spend my time. He still leaves meals for me with notes and what I heard from Felix he still doesn't spend much time outside his room. I visited him in the beginning of the week with some books I thought he might like but he didn't look too happy about them.

It fueled me with insecurity for some reason. I wanted to do something nice but I'm not sure that that is how it came over to him. An insecurity I still feel right now, as he literally sits Infront of me in the mess hall.

It's mostly empty, lunch ended an hour ago. I've been restless for the whole day. Waiting for Xaden to arrive. Aethan promised he would come and get me when he arrived but that was hours ago.

Brennan looks up from the paper I slid under his nose. His brows furrowed in confusion. "Please, enlighten me, what am I looking at?" His sarcastic voice asks. He knows I'm nervous and restless, he handles it well compared to other people. "A paper?" I cringe at my own words. "Your serious." He deadpans. "What are the symbols?" He asks, his voice a little softer now.

"They're runes." I state matter of factly. "They're runes on a paper." He looks at me as if I just told him his dragon spits water instead of fire. "Runes?" He asks with raised brows "You don't know what runes are? Did precious mom keep that from you too?" I taunt slightly, which earns me a glare.

"No, I do know what they are but they are forbidden." He explains softly. "I know they are." I say a little bitter. From all the provinces, Tyrrendor suffered the most after unification. We lost our language and our culture.

"Then why write them down? You're not allowed to use them and you can't use them." There's is curiosity in his voice. "Not allowed and not being able to are two different things." I correct.

"Yes, I know that but you can't use it. You're not a dragon rider. You don't have magic." I scoff at that. Dad was right, riders are truly pricks. Their ego bigger than their dragon. "And you think you dragon riders are the only ones with magic?" I challenge with a raised brow. "Yes, there is no other way except channelling from the ground and you look pretty sane to me." For the love of the lord.

I let my eyes glow their soft red hue. It's always a thrill to show people who think they're the only ones in power that they're not. It's so much fun.

His eyes widen slightly and he opens his mouth to say something but he quickly closes it.

I blink and now eyes are back to normal. I give him a moment to process before I answer what seems to be everyone's first question. "I was born with it. No one knows where it came from as both my parents didn't carry magic nor did their ancestors." He nods slowly. "I thought you would have had at least an idea that I had something as I used it a few times when we were stuck in that cave, hiding from everyone." I continue on.

"I don't remember much for then seeing as I had come back from the dead." He says sarcastic. Fair enough. What do I know about coming back from the dead.

"What can you do with it?" He asks, motioning to my eyes that were glowing earlier. I tilt my head, it's a good question but I don't even know where to start. "It's...complicated. We never found the limits. My dad told me the first time it showed was when I was four, it was harmless. From there on it showed more and more. When I was seven colonel Mairi started teaching me runes, in the hopes that could control it somehow, she had put this rune on a necklace to keep my magic contained. When I was seventeen I lost it near the cliffs of Dralor." I start, giving him a piece of past behind it, by far not everything.

"When you're a teenager you get to that age where you just wanna discover yourself right?" He nods. "Well, I took the necklace off many times. I'd be in the woods or near the cliffs of Dralor, trying things out. I devoured the library for books that could help, I tried everything in my reach." I continue.

"And? What did you find?" He asks with a curious tone. "If I'm correct, which I'm not sure of I am. My magic comes from a source in nature or nature itself. The possibilities so far have been endless. Moving things, making shields like wards, enhanced senses. Those seem to be the most common. But with the right idea a lot more is possible. It's just...unknown. Which is scary." I finish. I left out the parts of being able to read minds. But for the sake of not freaking him out more that might be smart.

He nods again, his eyes focused on mine. He looks like he's prossessing the information. "And of course the red glowing eyes and the magic itself looks pretty amazing." I say trying to lighten the topic. He laughs softly, leaning back as he looks at me with those adoring eyes.

We stare at each other for a moment. He looks like he has a million questions, which, fair. He opens his mouth but quickly shuts it and tenses. I frown and look behind me to see Ulices walk over us.

He looks directly at me, basically ignoring Brennan's presence. My frown deepens. "Lieutenant colonel." He addresses me. Oh, that sounds weird. I shudder. I'm never gonna get used to that. "You're needed in the assembly." He says curtly. My mind instantly goes to the worst case scenarios. "Excuse me." I tell Brennan hazy. He give me a small smile but I can see the tenseness in it.

I stand up and follow Ulices. My mind spins. What if Xaden is not coming? What If House Lindell changed their mind last minute. What if they sold us out to Navarre? Will they hurt Xaden? Or worse?

My mind continues to spiral as I follow Ulices. We turn the hall to the assembly room where almost every member except for Aethan waits.

Huh?

I stop once I reach them. My brows furrow in confusion as I stare at them, waiting for an explanation. Trissa clears her throat. "Aethan is waiting for you inside." She says as she gestures to the closed door.

Nervousness and nausea coils deep in my stomach as I make my way to the door. I push on the large door handle, opening it so I fit through. I close it behind me.

Aethan leans against the table, the stress is visible on his face, which only worsens mine.

I swear I'm gonna throw up.

I open my mouth, wanting to ask him what's going on when another voice cuts me off before I can even say something.

"Hey, little sister." My heart stops and I freeze. I haven't heard that voice in more than two months.

I slowly turn around, my whole body trembling. My younger brother, leaning against our father's throne.

"Xaden." I breathe.

☆

Taglist: @honethatty12 @smashee0789 @awkardnerd @randomperson1234sblog @bangtanxberm @hyperactive-bookworm-0

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 3

Identifying Limiting Beliefs

Hey Goddesses! Today we're going to talk about something that might be holding you back without you even realizing it, those sneaky limiting beliefs that like to camp out in our minds. You know, those little voices that whisper "you're not good enough" or "you'll never be able to do that"? Yeah, those ones. I've been there too, and I want to share some things I've learned along the way.

First off, what exactly are limiting beliefs? Think of them as those stubborn thoughts that pop up whenever you're about to try something new or chase after a dream. They're like those well-meaning but overly cautious friends who always tell you to "be realistic", except they live in your head rent-free.

Think of your mind like a garden. Some thoughts are like flowers that help you grow, but limiting beliefs? They're like weeds that can take over if we let them. Today, we're going to do some gentle but necessary weeding.

The Beliefs Audit

Grab your journal or open your Notes app (seriously, do it right now, I'll wait!). Let's start with a simple but powerful exercise. Complete these sentences honestly:

"I can't achieve my dreams because..."

"I'm not good at..."

"I'll never be able to..."

"People like me don't..."

"I'm too ___ to..."

Notice any patterns? These are your limiting beliefs showing themselves. And hey, recognizing them is already a huge step forward!

Where Do These Come From? Take a moment to think about when you first started believing these things. Maybe it was:

Something someone said to you long ago

A past experience that left a mark

Messages you absorbed from family or society

Past failures that you're still carrying

Understanding the source helps us see these beliefs for what they are: stories we've been telling ourselves, not unchangeable facts.

The Belief Breaker Challenge

Here's a powerful truth: just because you've thought something for a long time doesn't make it true. Let's try something: Pick one of your limiting beliefs and ask yourself:

Is this absolutely, 100% true?

What evidence do I have that contradicts this belief?

Would I say this to my best friend?

How might my life be different if I didn't believe this?

The Belief Makeover

Once you've spotted these limiting beliefs, it's time to give them a makeover. For every limiting belief you've identified, write down an alternative perspective. For example: Instead of "I'm too old to start something new" Try "My experience gives me unique advantages in learning new things"

Take each limiting belief you wrote down earlier and write its opposite. Feel resistance? That's normal! We're challenging thoughts that might have been with you for years.

Here's your action plan for today:

Choose ONE limiting belief to work on first (don't overwhelm yourself!)

Write it down

Write your new, empowering belief

Each morning this week, read your new belief out loud

Keep a small note in your phone of evidence that supports your new belief

Take one tiny action that proves it wrong, for example, maybe you've always believed you're "not creative", try doodling for five minutes today

The Permission Slip

Here's something fun: Write yourself a permission slip. Seriously! "I, [your name], give myself permission to believe that I am capable of [whatever you're working toward]." It might feel silly, but sometimes we just need to give ourselves explicit permission to believe in our potential.

Remember, gorgeous, your limiting beliefs are not facts. They're not your destiny. They're just thoughts, and thoughts can be changed. It takes time and practice, but every time you challenge a limiting belief, you create space for something better to grow.

You might be surprised at how many doors start opening once you begin questioning these old beliefs. And hey, if you're reading this and thinking "This won't work for me", congratulations! You've just caught your first limiting belief in action!

What limiting belief are you ready to let go of? Drop a comment below, sometimes just naming it publicly takes away some of its power. And, you might find others are working on the same things.

See you tomorrow for Day 4 of our journey to become our best selves before 2025!

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[donkoogrr]

Okay, getting my Asexual-spectrum Batman brainrot in some sort of order, everything is subject to being updated.

This turned out long and rambling, just the way I like it.

My main inspiration for this is a scene from the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy, where Bruce and Alfred are discussing how to reintroduce Bruce into Gotham society. It's been awhile since I saw the film but I'm pretty sure Bruce looks at Alfred and is like, "So, what do young billionaires do that would explain vigilante injuries?" And then the scene cuts to Bruce and two foreign models swimming in a fountain at a fancy restaurant. And I'm like.

Fucking. Alfred. Suggested the himbo thing? Was this a passive-aggressive punishment for fucking off for years that went on for too long?

(I love my main man Mr. Pennyworth, I will meme that he's a saint. In reality, I think he's part of the reason the Robins keep having a terrible time passing on the mantle. I can address my grievances in another post tho.)

So I'm there, thinking about Batman and Bruce and growing up in private schools. I'm in the process of unlearning some damaging information that I was taught as "truth" from my own school days. I'm thinking of Butler Alfred, and his position as caretaker, and how he was raised, and what he would think is appropriate counsel.

When Bruce is hitting puberty and writing love poems to the tune of BeeGees songs to girls in class, how would Alfred handle that? He'd surely have a perfunctory talk with his charge about respecting women, how to be a proper gentleman, safe sex, warnings about people who are out for Bruce's heart as a way to get to his status and fortune.

But would Alfred even think to cover queerness? He surely knows of it, but he's from a generation and culture that is known for stoicism and silence. The generation where one might know a pair of "confirmed bachelors" or "spinster sisters", but one does not mention it in polite company. Perhaps he would decide to have that talk if it ever seems to be necessary.

But would Bruce ever think to ask about why he isn't as interested in sex as seemingly all the people around him? Why wouldn't he chalk that up to his massive trauma and call himself mature for it? And a number of girls would love that maturity, that Ice Prince gentility, that challenge. So he'd learn how to be charming, how to flirt. It's applied psychology to Bruce, it's masking, it's learning how to act like a "normal" human.

It's easy for me to see him continue that trend in his adult life. He is romantic and he isn't sex-repulsed; he matches the flirtation energy of someone and if they both want to have sex, they do. It's kind of fun for him, too, to learn someone's body and use his to make them feel so good.

It's just that, sex is just a mutual workout? And he legitimately enjoys doing other things together equally or more, like actual workouts or sparring or casework. Bruce will initiate sex if he picks up his partner's cues, but by the time he's comfortable enough with them to relax... He's just not in clue-finding mode. So partners become understandably annoyed. Upset. They feel like they're the ones putting in all the effort to keep the relationship alive and Bruce doesn't have the knowledge or words to explain his position.

So yeah, there are jokes about Batman being easy, jokes about his history of romantic relationships with rogues, civilians, and heroes alike. He's just doing what he thought was normal. Flirting back, following the other person's lead, matching the energy. It frustrates him when he thinks about it, because it's just another way he's Different and Broken and Missing Something that the rest of the world seems to understand on a basic level.

(To be firm: Bruce Does Not Match the energy of everyone who flirts with him. He is an adult and has his own tastes. He's got Polite Flirting, Interested Flirting, and Gray Rocking down pat.)

[adventuringblind]

Could you write something with max dating a MotoGP rider

Four is better then two

Max Verstappen x reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: reader takes Max for a rider on her bike

Warnings: none (for once)

Notes: written in second person. I’m expanding my horizons with these fluffy things. I’m cringing at my own writing because my imagination is to vivid. Also this is short sorry T_T

Masterlist

You had known Max liked bikes. He owns a Harley himself. It makes sense that he would be into what you do. Actually getting to race on a motorcycle around a track. Different then formula 1 sure, but still racing nonetheless.

Normally, Max hates marketing and the videos they make him do. But he’s making an exception this once since his girlfriend is taking him around the track on a bike. Not her bike because that one is for racing only, but something similar.

Max introduces you and him to the camera and sets himself behind you. A GoPro strapped to his helmet. She to having to wear pull helmets, it’s not going to get face reactions, but you have a feeling it’s going to catch a lot of swear words.

“You wanna ease into this?”

“Absolutely not.”

You rev the engine and pull out onto the track. Swerving a bit to warm yourself up. You start speeding up as soon as you hit the grid. Max’s grip around your torso tightening.

Your yelling for the fun of it as you brake late into turn one. The bike leaning farther into the ground then Max was expecting.

“You alright?”

“Simply lovely.”

You take that as a challenge. In turn two you hug the inside corner, almost hitting the chicane at an unrelenting speed.

Bikes are different then f1 cars. It’s easier to see and feel the speed because you’re more exposed even if you’re not going as fast. Something Max was not as prepared for as you continue taking the corners with amazing speed.

“I think- I don’t like this anymore.”

“Do you want me to slow down?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Your call!”

Then your speeding up into the last few corners. Max is holding on for dear life and you can’t stop laughing.

As you pull in to the pits and park the bike, Max falls to the ground with a thud.

“I love you and your sport. But I think I’ll stick to four wheel from now on.”

You lean down and kiss his forehead. “It’s okay Maxy. Next time you can drive.” You send him a wink as you walk back towards to camera.

[dw-flagler]

Case 53 Emma? Apologies if you have done so already

see, now this is a good one! Everyone, do asks like this one!

Emma is honestly the easiest non-parahuman to write as a cape, because her whole backstory is that she should have triggered but didn't. So in order to make her a cape you have to change very little. In fact I already did that for a fanfic that i'm writing but haven't posted.

However, this particular ask is really challenging, because I think that any version of Emma that's different has a very different life, so what I'm going to do is powergen every possible iteration of Emma. Yay me.

This is going to be extremely confusing.

So first, we have Canon Emma, who is literally the canon one from canon worm. I'm going to call her Emma 1. Next is natural trigger Emma, the smallest deviation from canon Emma. That's Emma 2. Then comes Cauldron cape Emma, or Emma 3. After that is Case 53 Emma, the most different version of Emma. She'll be called Emma 4. I'll also mention an Emma 4.5, but she doesn't have powers and is mainly there to avoid confusion, because she'll be from an AU version of Earth Bet in the Emma 4 Universe but not from an alternate earth in the same AU, like Emma 4.

So Emma 2 is the natural trigger cape, and I can't elaborate much on her or else i'll spoil my super cool fanfic. So I'll just say that she triggers during her (canonically-not-a) trigger event in interlude 19.z, and gets a power that way. This Emma (emma 2 for reference) is from Earth Bet, so she's still friends with taylor (Taylor 2 for reference), but things butterfly after she triggers. I'm not sure if it would be more interesting if she met shadow stalker (Sophia 2) after going back to see the alley like in canon or if she didn't. She probably wouldn't bully taylor 2 in either case, though.

Emma 3 is the non-mutated (or only minorly mutated) cauldron vial trigger. I think she would purchase a vial from cauldron some significant time after The Alley (& meeting Sophia (3)). Maybe a few months after, maybe a year after. I'm not sure. Despite having a different name, this Emma (3) would probably still be from Earth Bet, so she'd still be friends with Taylor and then meet Sophia later. (Every AU version of) Emma's dad is a lawyer but she's never Super Rich (definitely not mcmansion level at least) so she wouldn't be able to afford a strong (and expensive) vial, but she'd still get a pretty strong power cause she's lucky.

If I had to gen a power for this emma (3), I'd say a flight + striker power that makes her basically into an alexandria type without the brute rating. It'd be fun! Even though brandish already exists, I'd say emma 3 should get a power that's essentially a laser sword (or laser knife?), so emma 3 would basically just be Slightly Better Brandish (Brandish 3). I think this Emma 3 would bully Taylor (taylor 3), but not quite as much as Emma 1.

And now for our final one, the actual Case 53, the most different from canon Emma: Emma 4. Emma 4 would not willingly take a cauldron vial because she'd be from another earth, where you can't get cauldron vials. Most case 53s are kidnapped from alternate earths on the brink of death (I made an exception for case 53 victoria but that's normally not the case) but cauldron would not kidnap a person from earth bet at random for no reason, so she'd have to be from an alternate earth. On earth bet I think Emma 4.5 (from earth bet, but an AU version of earth bet. Unlike Emma 4 who is from an AU version of some other earth) either straight up wouldn't exist at all, or she would just be friends with taylor (taylor 4.5) uncomplicatedly. Like in Impurity.

So Emma 4 went through the alley incident on an alternate earth (i'm going to call it Earth, um, Yod). But she wasn't from earth Bet so she wasn't rescued by Sophia (because she's from an alternate earth where sophia either doesn't exist or isn't a cape). She was probably rescued but lost her eye or something. But that's unimportant.

So Cauldron kidnaps Emma (4) like a week or so after The Alley Incident, when she goes back to the alley to see it again. When she's off the main street and secluded from view they kidnap her. I guess they had a brain fart moment because even though nobody saw them take her, people would be suspicious that a 13 year old just went missing one day.

Anyway, Emma (4) is kidnapped and given an unstable vial, mutates, gets wiped by The Slug, and gets dumped on Earth Bet. I would assume they wouldn't dump her in Brockton Bay, but because she was from the northeast they'd put her somewhere vaguely near Brockton. Maybe a mid-sized town like Hartford.

But her actual power, I think it'd follow the same general lines as Emma 3 (the unmutated cauldron cape one), but, you know, more mutated. So she still has a movement power, and still has short-range abilities, but it's not as, like, artificial? as Emma 3's brandish-style laser sword. My first thought is that Emma 4 has a very short range beam or blast kind of attack. Even shorter than damsel's 10 feet (that's 3 meters) blast. I'm talking about basically fisticuffs range. I feel like it would be a really weird organic thing, maybe she has like biological plasma cutters growing in her forearms? Or bone swords like that dude from mortal kombat? I looked him up his name is baraka. Like baraka? It could also be more hand-based, like she has alexandria level strength and durability only her arms and the rest of her is just squishy not-human (except the bones which is also reinforced just to make it so using her strength doesn't fold her spine like wet paper). Which actually I like the most. So probably that one? I like the idea of her palming some dude's head like a basketball and then crushing his skull like a clementine. Oof, mixed metaphors.

Oh motherfucker. That's just the gorilla arms from cyberpunk! Well I'm keeping it because it's funny.

Since her super-durable arms would be a bit of a brute rating (she could parry or block stuff with her indestructible arms), maybe her mobility power is weaker. It could still be flight, but slower and less maneuverable? Or maybe big jumps. Her legs are also really strong and really durable, but her torso isn't. She's like a reverse achilles. Her one weakness is the place that literally everyone shoots her in. I like this idea because it really does sell the "striker also counts for rare edge cases of capes with super strength but no durability" thing that I like. (she has some durability but not much)

So for her form, I think this Emma is, despite being extremely strong, not a hulking silhouette character. Maybe the gimmick of a "pint sized powerhouse." I like the idea of leaning into the accidentally cyberpunk way i've been taking this. Emma looks too human. You know that one bit of jerma where he reads a chat message that says "you look like you're made out of plastic"? Or--to keep the cyberpunk branding, you know the promotional posters about those random like nighclub dancers who went cuh-razy and killed a bunch of people with mantis arms in the trailers, who have obviously fake perfectly symmetrical and focus-tested-to-be-beautiful-to-most-audiences faces? She looks like one of those.

I also like the idea that she has, like, a comically impractical number of eyes (from an evolutionary standpoint. She has 8 eyes like a spider but they don't actually do anything helpful) but it does absolutely destroy the uncanny valley vibe thing I had.

Which actually kind of makes me like it more? Emma 4 is uncanny valley creepy, except for her having 8 eyes, which completely deflates everything and makes her look ridiculous. You'd never see it but she also has pitch black bones, and her body also has parts that are similarly pitch black. I think her hands go in a gradient from "normal human skin" at the shoulders to metallic black at the tips of her fingers.

There's a lot of reasoning and stuff I had to leave out to keep this from being even longer, so ask me if there's anything you're curious about.

[thesorcerersapprenticeu]

Chapter 10: Indebted To

Summary:

The end of an era, and at the same time the conclusion of an act. With Singed at your side, your new mentor and teacher, you try to build a new life for yourself. It was to be expected that this would not be without challenges for your psyche and well-being. But as you continue to develop, you are hit by another stroke of fate that sets everything on a different course once again.

Notes:

Oh my god, this chapter is just...phew. Welcome back! Yeah, took me a bit, but what more could you ask for than a chapter of this fanfiction on a Sunday. I've (maybe) proctastinated a little, but I have to say that this chapter is the best yet, and longest, in my opinion. Almost 7K words of pure development, science, magic, relationships, old memories and a breach of trust that destroys everyone again. But I don't want to say too much, welcome to your new home of Singed, and have fun reading this chapter!

---

"Hydrogen?"

"63%"

So this is how it looks now:

You, two years later than then, next to Singed in a laboratory. The green lights illuminate all the equipment, all the test tubes, individual substances that even react to the light, and of course your and Singed's face.

You've grown a little, according to Singed still too little for your age, but you didn't mind. You had slightly longer hair, which was quite soft and lay on your shoulders. You weren't anorexic, but you were so incredibly thin that you hated looking in the mirror and seeing your ribs.

"Oxygen?"

"26%"

Your mental maturity and intellect inevitably increased. With Singed as your teacher, the foundations were laid. You, continuing to research magic and Singed as a mentor in the fields of science, such as chemistry and biology. While he teaches you things about humans, you continue to research areas that a normal person would never get to.

It was funny when you thought back:

How you were weeping at Vander's corpse, with newfound magic flowing through your arm and slowly but surely healing your body.  How your mind was in as much shambles as the Cannery. How you clung desperately to your 'Steel Ball' and your Two Books because they were the last things you had left from your old life.

Your memories of Vi, Powder, Claggor and Mylo were already a little hazy. Not in the sense that you couldn't remember how they looked or what they did, it was more an ethical question of whether any of you could ever live a normal life.

Your life was already anything but that in this corrupt world.

A little later after the incident in the Cannery, you realized that you could use the magic that flowed through your body through the Corpse's arm. At first, it was difficult to control the aura that flowed through your life energy and the arm. In your room at Singed's home, you were awake almost every night for the first few weeks, trying to find a moment when you might be able to use one of your spells.

But it simply didn't work, at least not yet. Magic was and is a complicated thing, it wasn't written in your two books, but this reality made you aware of it.

It was impossible to create something out of nothing.

"If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given"

These were the laws of magic, which you diligently noted down in the books. In general, you began not only to read, but to write notes and discoveries in the books yourself. The book with the map of Jayce Talis was almost completely empty before, but you filled it with drawings of the Corspeparts and descriptions that you were best able to give.

But even if no spell of your own was created from your magic, there was something that was just as powerful: Rotation. You noticed it before, the letters on your arm pointed it out to you, but you hadn't understood it yet.

Rotation was a natural force in this world. You don't normally see it, but if you look very closely, you can find it everywhere. The energy with infinite potential, and more importantly, it reacts incredibly strongly to magic.

One night when you wanted to try something, you came up with the following theory:

You, sitting on your bed, books to your left and right. Sweaty hair due to nervousness, a serious look and an idea that you now wanted to test. In front of you, on your blanket, lay a blue crystal that Powder had given you back then.

The idea was that the Enforcer Gadget might be able to stabilize it and create an incredible source of energy.  So you stretched out your two arms, went to both sides of the crystal and focused your magical aura on it.

When a bright blue light, a dangerous feeling and a threatening explosion followed, you stopped immediately. But less than a minute later, Singed was already at your door. You, who thought you were in trouble, were wrong, because Singed wanted to know all about the energy that these small crystals emit.

And after three months of hard work, you both made it: Spheres, about the size of a baseball, blue and more dangerous than any weapon a single person could use. The rotation gave you the ability to spin them incredibly fast in your hands, allowing you to throw them at things and, in the case of a human, even ripple their muscles.

So, you called them Steel Balls. Since you, the too small and weak boy, had a big disadvantage in a direct fight, you could now compensate for this. A good rotation on your steel ball with your right arm, a good throw and determination brought you one step closer to victory.

And after a year, you even learned to adjust the rotation so that it worked like an algorithm. You put it on, through the magic of the corsepart, threw your steel ball, fulfilled the purpose, and your steel ball flew back into your hand, truly magical.

But no matter what, somewhere deep inside you couldn't shake the thought that this life didn't suit you.

Of course Singed was a good teacher, in his field he was definitely second to none, even if he often told you that there were other people who came close to him, you just knew that they were far from his level, at least in practice.

You could disappear every day, just run away and somehow ask someone in town for help, I mean, who wouldn't want to take in a little boy like you? Besides, Singed wouldn't care if you disappeared, he's just thinking about his experiments anyway...

And that's exactly why you were here.

To save Vander.

The tall and physically strong man who was about to die was a task in itself. Even Singed wasn't sure at first whether Shimmer would bring him back or heal his injuries. According to blood and oxygen data, Vander was already brain dead, and without brain, no life.

But you created the Shimmer version that would ultimately save Vander. It took time, and you learned incredibly quickly, which Singed noticed. The process was logical to you, but you seemed to have more understanding of the chemistry behind the drug than Singed himself, the creator of it.

"No, less of the serum and more of the growth hormones." Singed's voice rises through the large lab, the size and equipment making it echo at the same time. He is sitting behind you at a small table, giving you instructions. "To push the nerves to their limit, you have to... give them a push."

Meanwhile, you're standing at your little work table, with your standard coat on your silhouette, mixing various chemicals in a test tube. You've only been here a few weeks, with Singed, and you're already researching his drug, the 'Shimmer', with him.

Although you knew what the drug could do, it was really interesting for you. Since your parents only ever conducted legal experiments in the kingdom and other things back then, it was important to see the other side, and here you could even work on that.

This is your very first attempt at chemical drugs. Before that you may have read about them in one of the books at home, but of course they were not a guide.

You get more and more nervous when you think about how Singed is just a few steps behind you and you are trying to mix his special drug - it was a strange situation that you could never have imagined before. All your chemical knowledge that you had stored away somewhere, now tested by a genius.

Shimmer was incredibly complicated, but you quickly got the hang of it. You had no other choice, Singed doesn't give you instructions, nor does he explain how the drug is structured. You have to do everything yourself while he watches you and evaluates you like a teacher evaluates a student.

You mix a kind of dopamine booster into the purple liquid and the color immediately changes - it becomes more intense, almost glowing. A fine, iridescent smoke rises, like mist curling in the air. The mixture begins to pulsate slightly, as if it is coming alive, and a sharp, metallic smell fills the room. It feels as if you have created something uncontrollable - and that was exactly your goal.

You know the ingredients of Shimmer, at least you think you do. But to heal Vander's wounds and internal bleeding, you need a much stronger version of it. More stem cell activators, more viruses that introduce genetic information into cells and all sorts of other things to help Vander regain his former strength.

You hold the container in your hand and see how the liquid inside pulsates gently, as if it had its own heartbeat. The glow is mesmerizing, an intense, dangerously beautiful purple that makes the shadows dance in the room. There's something eerie about the smoke that rises from the mixture - it wafts around your fingers in fine clouds and leaves a cool, tingling sensation on your skin.

A feeling of pride flows through you, mixed with a nervous excitement. You've done it, for the first time in your pathetic life. You have created something that resembles pure power - but at the same time you are aware of the danger that lies in this small, liquid catastrophe. Part of you hesitates, wondering if you're doing the right thing.

But the other part of you, the part that showed Pure Determination and did not hesitate to kill for its goals, showed you what you were doing it for:

Your eyes wander from your workstation to the large glass cylinder placed in front of you, in which Vander's body is preserved. His swollen skin, and the veins visible through the shimmer currently flowing through his body, evoke in you a reference to the object you are holding in your hand.

Your heart beats faster as you put the container down. At that moment, you feel like a creator and a destroyer at the same time - and the power you hold in your hands sends a cold shiver down your spine.

In a way, the Shimmer even reacted with you, and Singed noticed that right away, and something else as well.

Impossible?!

There stood Singed, looking directly over your shoulder at the test tube in your hand. His mind raced with thoughts as he kept his gaze on the substance in your hands.

This boy...He made Shimmer for the first time, and it's already better than my recipe. And all this without experience? If Heimerdinger only knew what a genius I've found... But he's dangerous.

His gaze fell on you again as you stood at the workstation and looked down at the test tube.

He was sure he wasn't imagining it, the substance was trying to warn him.

Exactly at the point where your fingers were attached to the glass, the substance began to boil and a putrid smell to be released, a warning that literally stung him in the eye. As if magma was emerging, wanting to be seen, reading signs of incomprehensible potential.

His potential will catch up with us all at some point, whether it's Heimerdinger or me. He has already surpassed even this boy called Viktor... I have to teach him before it becomes my undoing. And he's only been here for seven weeks...

His Talent is Magnificent...And Terrifying. With the magic that flows through his body...

I have awakened a monster.

"Carbon?"

"9%"

But no matter how many new skills you've discovered, steel balls or magic, no matter how much new knowledge you've acquired and how much of a genius you've become, the memories, feelings and consequences of that one day continue to haunt you.

Depression of the worst kind, sudden hallucinations of Mylo, Claggor or Vander standing in the distance. But no matter how hard you try to get to them, they disappear at the last moment and realization sends you back to reality. You thought it was schizophrenia combined with trauma.

However, Singed seems to have found another disease that affects you. He doesn't have a name for it, but your size and strength should develop slowly due to puberty, but it does so much slower than the average human.

He made an assumption that you may have had contact with chemicals from an early age.

At that moment you stopped dictating the chemicals in the human body, and were briefly, very briefly shocked. Hundreds, thousands of memories of your real family flooded your mind, especially the days when you watched them in the lab.

The memories of your mother, father, sister and brother appeared like a tumor in your brain that you should have cut off a long time ago. Insults, snide behavior and so much more that you had to endure in that household.

And no one had ever believed in you.

And now look at you: Your body is flooded with magic, you have a part of the Wizard's body. You have become proof of the impossible, so to speak, which everyone used to see as nothing more than a fairy tale.

Now you could explain spells from the book, even perform some of them and much more. You would never have expected to be able to do something like that, and now look.

Furthermore, in the two years you spent at Singed, your magical abilities grew far beyond anything you could have ever hoped for.

You could feel life energy in a kind of sixth sense. You could already feel the aura that was converted from energy and now surrounds the body from afar, as well as the intention and feelings behind it. With Singed, it was always calm, constant and absolutely in harmony with his work.

You called it an aura because everyone had one, which actually supports your theory. Aura was basically life energy that helps the human senses to perceive things. But no human could feel it or control it... Except you, at least. Through the right corpse arm you could let the magic flow through your body, and also anchor it outwards to protect yourself or 'scan' the environment.

So you have literally evolved, unlike before, so let's get back together:

Back then: small and petite, engrossed in books, without any physical strength. Reserved, insecure - more anxious than anyone else in the group. Marked by a painful realization of your weaknesses, with a goal in mind that seemed unattainable, and surrounded by people who were far too good for you in your eyes.

And now: Still small for your age, but full of danger. A body imbued with magic and steel balls that can manipulate the muscles of others with a single throw. A mind that is constantly sharpening and developing. Yet deep within you still lingers the guilt and shadows of the consequences left by your past.

Your connection to magic, through the corpse arm that is in you, certainly made you a different person.

All beginnings are difficult, but this is not a new beginning, but a rebirth.

You have been reborn as The Sorcerer's Apprentice.

But even as a reborn, the past still pulls at your shadow. Especially because what happened back at the Cannery is your fault. You had to try to prove yourselves with Powder, and what happened? Sacrifices and consequences that couldn't be worse.

It's funny to have seen the white side of science from your parents back then, and now to find the talent from you on the dark side. It's like you were never going to be part of the scientist family anyway, and now you're more sure of it than ever.

"Protect her"

Every time you remembered Vi's words, you had to throw up. There was no other way you could bear the guilt, it was tearing you apart and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it.

And so the memories of Powder resonated with you for the next while, and you finally understood: You liked her.

You're sure that you're probably the last person to have understood it properly. It must have been really obvious and the others must have always talked about it among themselves, how embarrassing.

Your yearn for Powder only got stronger without her presence, so strong that even Singed noticed it during the experiments and often asked if "something was wrong?". Of course you didn't tell him, it would not only be embarrassing but also complicated. He actually understood and left you alone, apparently realizing that you didn't want to be reminded of it.

Powder's eyes, her soft skin, her smile... Having everything taken away from you hurts so incredibly. And not knowing what had happened to her since that day gave you so much pain in your stomach that you often had to cry yourself to sleep.

But the shock hits you harder than the explosion in the Cannery.

You destroyed their lives. Not just hers, but Vi's, Vander's, Claggor's, Mylo's and every other poor soul who witnessed your determination. Not only you had to live with the consequences, they all did, at least the ones that survived.

As you lay buried under the thousands of pieces of rubble, you could hear Powder and Vi outside for a moment. You were sure you heard Vi angry, and Powder crying or screaming, all because of you.

And then one day came...

It was at night, you're pretty sure.

Singed's home, as he called it, was incredibly quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the wind blowing through the whole construct, leaving a light melody as it bumped against it.

You sat on your bed almost every night, unable to close one eye. Because when it happened, you had bad nightmares, nightmares where everyone blamed you for everything you deserved. Mylo, Claggor and even Vander, who seemed to have lost their lives because of you.

You've been counting the days since you've been here. 906 days since the explosion at the Cannery and the attempt to save Vander.  906 days since you stopped sitting on her bed with Powder, laughing or talking about something. 906 days since you've been battling sleep deprivation and depression every day, brought closer to the edge every day.

You focus your magic on your whole body, you see it with your open eyes. Your aura radiates a permanent, calm white that floats evenly around you like a gentle mist. It feels peaceful and stable, almost calming, yet there is an unshakeable strength in its quiet presence.

It was something like meditation, and at the same time it helps you to deal better with your magic. You didn't have this sixth sense for years, and you've only had to live with it for two years.

You imagine what it would be like if you had one of your Steel Balls in your hand right now. The shimmering blue color and how it would fly if you put enough magic into the rotation. And after it hits its target, it spins and magically flies back into the palm of your right hand.

Your legs feel strangely heavy, your head strangely light and the whole situation strangely alarming.

What is that feeling?

It doesn't take a second, and you're already standing at the door to your room. It was right next to the lab, so you had a good view of the huge glass container where Vander is kept. The various lights shining throughout the lab, some of which hit your eyes, make you dizzy.

And then you realize it.

This is not Singed's aura.

Your mind sharpens within seconds, even if you are insanely tired, it feels wrong not to pay attention now. So you try a little harder with your magic and your logical and rational thinking.

And so your gaze falls on him.

Silco.

You didn't even need to analyze the features. His height-tall and imposing, though his thin frame gives him a wiry, almost spectral presence. His skin is pallid, with a greyish hue that seems to absorb the dim light around him, and his jet-black hair is neatly styled into an undercut, stark against his weathered features.

His aura had a minimal difference to Singed's, it was spiking. Singed was always calm, but you're not sure about him, it looks like he could explode at any moment, like he's hiding an incredible amount of anger with a calm demeanor.

But you're not worried about his aura or his appearance, rather:

What is he doing here? And what does Singed have to do with him?

"I hope he survived without injury?" Silco's calm voice carries throughout the lab as you continue to peer through the door slit.

"Yes, but not without internal bleeding." Answers Singed, also with a calm tone and an undertone.

They both stand in front of the glass container, so you can see them both at the same time. However, if one of them were to turn backwards now, it would definitely not be good for you or Singed.

"He was like a brother to me..." Silco finally speaks, taking a step closer to the container. He puts his right hand on it and looks up, where Vander's face was covered by the dark-colored liquid. "It's a shame he went that way."

"Well... You can't always count on everything..." Singed mentions after a few seconds, still in the same voice, but now in a different position. He moves two steps away from Silco and leans against a table while fiddling with the bandage on his face with one hand. "Especially not with humans."

Your eyes fall on Silco. After all he's done, he's here now, standing within ten feet of Vander, who you gave everything you had to save. The many cables, combined with the dark light reflection, already make Vander look dead, but you wouldn't let that happen.

You concentrate on Silco's silhouette and think about your tactics and your chances.

He wouldn't even notice me if I was fast. Singed would react too slowly, I'm sure of it. I could simply strengthen both my arms with magic and break his neck...

He deserves it.

It was a dark thought, but you had changed since then. The little boy who wouldn't even hurt a fly was already gone, now everything was filled with cold logic and feelings that were too much for you.

He deserved it, you echo in your head. Your look at Vander brought back the memories you were trying so desperately to forget. The reaction was anger, after all, he is also responsible for Vander's death, and much more.

What is he doing here anyway? And what is he discussing with Singed?

"You said he would survive..." Silco puts his hand down, turns to Singed and fills the silence with a scowl. He puts the hand that was on the container in front of his chest and squeezes it into a fist. "How strong do you think he is compared to the other monsters?"

Your heart stops for a moment, the unexpected clarity of his words pulls you out of your composure. Your hands tremble and unconsciously form into fists, your knuckles snow-white with tension.

Your magic flows through your body and with all your might you force yourself to control it, to hide it - but it becomes more difficult the more your desire for revenge flares up inside you. You know that if you give in, everything here will go up in flames and they will feel you through your magic.

Singed finally breaks the silence, his voice calm, almost casual, but with a hint of caution. "He is unstable. More dangerous than the others because he has more control over himself. But that's what makes him unpredictable. He understands what he is - and what he can do."

Silco nods slowly, a sharp spark of curiosity in his gaze that briefly displaces the icy determination. "Interesting..." he murmurs, his voice low and thoughtful.

But then his gaze briefly falls on you.

You've never moved so quickly before, after all, your body reacted completely automatically. For a moment, you forgot your anger and hid as quickly as you could. Your body is hidden behind a corner, your breathing as shallow as possible, but something about his posture makes you think he's noticed you.

A slight tremor runs through your muscles. You're sure your magic is making itself felt - like a touch of electricity lifting the air around you. You can barely hold back the words that rise up inside you, a silent cry of retribution, but you know that one false step could ruin everything.

Dammit! Did he see me?

"And if he escapes our control?" Silco suddenly asks, his tone sharper as he steps closer to Singed.

"Then," Singed replies with a small, imperturbable smile, "we have to kill him before he can kill us."

These words pierce you like a cold dagger. Your grip tightens around the corner, your nails scrape against the wall. Your magic screams inside you, begging to be unleashed. But you force yourself to calm down. Not yet. Not yet.

Letters form on your right arm, literally carving themselves into your skin again, but you don't notice. The situation in the room in front of you gets all your attention.

Your gaze falls for a brief moment, incredibly brief, on your steel ball. It's just lying there next to your bedside cabinet, so close that you could just grab it. Take it, fill it with a little magic, which is converted into rotation anyway, and simply throw it.

"We'll be fighting together again soon Vander..." For a moment he turns away from Singed again, glances at Vander and then looks around. All the experiments seem to catch his eye, while his mind seems to be somewhere else entirely.

You calm your breathing, concentrate on the conversation and make a decision:

That's it now. Singed just used me to pass Vander on to Silco in the end. I'll never forgive you for that, you bastard.

But what are you doing? You were dependent on Singed. You can't just go out into the wide world without any solid facts. Where would you go? You can't go back to your real family, after so many years you wouldn't be able to go back mentally.

So, what now? You want to disappear, but completely alone? You, absolutely alone in this dark and disturbing world?

Normally you would turn to Vander now, ask him for answers... And he would be able to provide you with some. But he wasn't far away from you, about ten meters in front of you, in a large glass container that was barely keeping him alive.

I did this. I Killed Vander.

Your magical aura disappears completely. You don't tremble, not a single movement follows from your body as a result of your thoughts, which are tearing you apart from the inside.

He wouldn't have died if I hadn't been there.

Your chest tightens as the memory resurfaces, raw and vivid, like an open wound that refuses to heal.

Vander is gone...?

The realization twists in your gut, sharp and relentless. The anchor of your world, the man who kept you steady - ripped away in a moment of chaos.

NO!!!

The scream reverberates in your head, a desperate attempt to push the truth away. But it clings to you, heavy and suffocating.

Silco killed him. Not me!

Your fists clench, your nails digging into your palms as you try to find someone, anyone, to hold responsible. Silco's face flashes before you, his cold, calculating smirk, the embodiment of everything you want to destroy.

I had to follow him.

You try to rationalize, to make sense of the senseless.

I should've known better.

Your stomach churns. The guilt, a familiar poison, takes hold.

I didn't do it!

Your inner voice cracks, a futile defense against the crushing weight of your conscience.

It was me. I knew it.

The admission is a whisper, barely audible over the roaring in your ears.

NO!!!

The floor beneath you seems to shake as you fall to your knees. The world around you blurs, the walls of the room seem to stretch and warp as the exhaustion and emotional strain wash over you. A fine film of tears breaks free and runs down your cheeks, but you no longer feel the pain - only the emptiness.

The magic that burned so vividly inside you just moments ago has vanished, as if someone had turned off the power. Your body suddenly feels heavy, like an empty shell, and your hands, which were just ready to turn into a weapon, are now shaking uncontrollably. Your eyes, once sparkling with anger and defiance, lose their light, becoming dull and empty.

The room seems to stand still for a moment, as if the world itself is pausing to watch you collapse. There are no words, no thoughts, just the paralyzing silence that settles around you. Your aura, which was once the only layer of protection, is now gone - the strength you defended for so long is nothing more than a fading shadow. The coldness growing inside you is stronger than any other sensation you have ever known.

Somebody help me.

The cry comes unbidden. Tears streak your face, hot and uncontrollable, as you clutch at the emptiness in front of you.

Someone help Vander.

The words are a plea, a wish that time could reverse, that some miracle could undo the unthinkable.

Someone...please help Vander.

But the silence answers you, merciless and final.

No...he's beyond help.

The truth crushes you, leaving you hollow. The weight of your failure presses down until you can barely breathe. All that remains is the sound of your broken sobs, lost in a void that feels endless.

You hear a voice from outside "But fire without control..." He pauses, his eyes narrow dangerously and his voice becomes dangerously calm. "...always ends in ashes."

You have to disappear. The decision doesn't hit you like a bolt of lightning, but slowly seeps into your consciousness, a painful but irrevocable conclusion. A true scientist follows logic - and logic screams in your face that you can't stay here any longer.

Your eyes fall on the bedside table where your most important belongings are. Your hands are shaking, but you are already moving in your thoughts, collecting, sorting, planning. Inside, you are on your knees, crushed by the weight of what has happened, but your body is functioning mechanically.

My Steel Balls, you think, a touch of pragmatism in the midst of chaos. The two spellbooks, clothes... and preferably something to eat.

You don't wait another second. You stand up on shaky legs, your hands wiping the tears from your face. There is no time for weakness, no time for doubt. The plan doesn't form in your head, it simply exists, clear and unavoidable: you have to leave.

You reach for the bag lying in the corner and start throwing your things into it. Your steel balls land clattering on the bottom of the bag, followed by the spellbooks you absentmindedly grab from your bedside table. Your mind is still blank, like a machine that is only tuned to function. There is no hesitation, no pondering - just movement.

You hurry through your small room, lifting clothes from the chair and stuffing them carelessly into your bag. Your hands are still shaking, but you force them to calm down, your breathing short and intermittent. The thought of food crosses your mind and you throw in a few rationed supplies, bread and some dried meat, without a second thought.

Waiting. Waiting until Silco has disappeared. Waiting until Singed is back in his room.

Your heart pounds like a drumbeat in your chest, every breath heavy and tense. You walk to the door, peering through the small gap to keep an eye on the lab outside. It's a wait that feels like an eternity, but you know it's necessary.

Then I'll disappear, you think, and the thought gives you a strange sense of calm. No plan B, no doubts. Just the first step - out of here. You take a deep breath and prepare yourself inwardly for the moment.

Your eyes linger on the bag and the comparison with the Haul from back then hits you like a blow. It was the moment when it all began - the chaos, the losses, the suffering. But you force yourself to push this thought aside, to ignore it as best you can.

Am I really doing this now?

A quiet doubt settles in and for a moment you stop moving mechanically. Your mind switches on, your feelings are left out. You force yourself to think soberly, even if reality almost overwhelms you.

If I disappear now, I have absolutely nothing.

The thought weighs heavy, pulls you down. You no longer have a family. Your friends? The few you had are long gone or... worse. And Singed? A teacher, yes, but one who overstepped boundaries and shamelessly exploited you to weaponize Vander.

I have to survive alone in the world.

The image of you alone in the streets of Piltover and Zaun spreads through your mind. The cold, the hunger, the constant danger.

What should I do anyway?

The question remains unanswered while your mind feverishly searches for possibilities.

How am I supposed to get out of Piltover? And where to?

The city seems like a huge fortress, and the world outside is no less threatening. Your steps falter and your grip on the bag tightens. The panic tries to find its way back into your head, but you force yourself to stay still, to think.

A plan. You need a plan. But the clock is ticking, and the walls of this small room feel like they're going to constrict you at any moment.

I have to find the other corpse parts.

The thought hits you like a thunderclap, and for a moment everything around you stops. Your breath catches and your heart races as you stare at the bag containing Jayce Talis' notebook. The pages you had only half-heartedly flicked through before now start to make sense.

He's looking for them too...

A spark of hope, no, a plan begins to form in your head. If you follow this path, if you find the Corpse Parts, if you develop your magic - then everything will be different. No problem would be too big, no threat insurmountable.

I don't care what I have to do for it. I'll get those corpse parts. Whatever it takes... I will do it.

Your eyes lose their light again, an expression of complete devotion and determination takes over your face. You stop in the middle of the room, your breathing heavy, your mind filled with a dark determination that also frightens you.

But deep inside you feel that the burden is tearing you apart. The memories of everything you've lost, the feeling of betrayal by Singed - it's too much. You are still a child, at least a part of you. And yet life forces you to act like an adult, to make decisions that could break even a veteran.

Your head lowers, your hands clench into fists. The world may bring you to your knees, but a promise is growing inside you. An oath to yourself:

I will find them. And no one, not even myself, will stop me.

As soon as the apartment sinks into silence, you seize the moment. With your bag over your shoulder, you sneak through the lab, your steps as quiet as possible. Your gaze sweeps over the countless experiments set up here, each apparatus a testament to Singed's sick genius. You grab a few chemicals that seem useful and carefully put them in your bag. To be on the safe side, you tell yourself, even if you don't know exactly what for.

But just before you reach the door, you stand rooted to the spot. The huge glass container rises up in front of you, its cold glow illuminating the dark laboratory. Your gaze wanders upwards to where Vander is floating in the liquid. His body is still, motionless, and yet you can see the traces of life that are still inside him.

"I'm sorry, Vander," you whisper, your voice barely audible but heavy with guilt. You feel the lump in your throat, the tears threatening to burst out again.

"If I were stronger... I could take you with me."

Your gaze lowers, your hands tremble slightly, but then you force yourself to look at him again. It's a promise that germinates inside you, a spark that gives you stability in all the chaos.

"But I will come back."

The words echo in your head, an oath to the man who once saved your life, to the rock that protected you. Then you turn around, your heart heavy, but your steps determined.

There is no turning back.

Like a bitter joke from the heavens, the rain starts as soon as you pull the door shut behind you. The drops patter softly but steadily, like a gentle tapping on the surface of the world, as you leave home behind you - or what's left of it.

The cold rain washes the warmth of the past from you, layer by layer. It soaks your hair, cools your skin, but inside the emptiness burns. Every step feels like a farewell, not just to the place, but to the part of you that once existed here.

You throw on your black coat, the fabric of which lies heavily on your shoulders - like a second skin that protects you and yet bears everything you are. You fill the pockets with calm, almost mechanical movements. The notebook slides in, its edges rough, full of secrets. Next to it, the two Steel balls find their place, cold and familiar in your hands, before disappearing.

Then you pause. A moment of silence in which you take a deep breath. Your determination feels like a fire that burns quietly inside you, unstoppable. You adjust your coat, pull on the hood and get ready.

There is no more hesitation. Only the path before you.

The streets of Piltover are quiet at night, almost eerie. The rain has made the cobblestones shiny and dark, the shimmering light of the lanterns dances in the puddles. Your footsteps echo softly, but it's loud in your head - deafening.

How could this happen? The thought nails itself into your mind, repeating itself over and over again. You had a plan. A place where you belonged. But all of it was wiped out in an instant. Singed's betrayal, Silco's plans, Vander's condition - it was too much.

I should have been stronger. The words are like a mantra that tears at your heart. Your will, which you thought was indestructible, has been broken with an ease that terrifies you. Everything you thought you were now feels like a lie.

The memories come in waves. Vander's smile. Singed's experiment. Silco's voice. Everything mixes together, a chaos that almost makes you stagger. Your steps become heavier, your breathing shallower.

Maybe I'm not strong enough. Maybe I never will be...

But then - another thought. An image forms in your mind's eye. The corpse parts. The possibility they hold. You remember the notebook in your pocket, the drawings, the descriptions. When you find them, when you unite them... then everything could be different.

You stand still, the rain pelting down on you, but you barely feel it. Your hands clench into fists, the cold night air bites into your skin, but a fire flares up inside you.

No matter what it costs. No matter what I have to sacrifice. I will find her. And I will never have to think like this again.

With this thought, you continue on your way. The night may swallow you up, but your gaze is now only directed forward.

Wait for me, Piltover. I'll be back soon.

But not as Y/N.

But as the Sorcerer's Apprentice.

When will you see everyone again?

Oh, sooner than you think.

A thin, bitter smirk flits across your lips as you form the words in your head. They reverberate through your mind like an echo, unstoppable, insistent. You imagine their faces - Silco, Singed, Vi, maybe even... Powder? But this time you will not return as someone weak, not as someone they can break.

Your grip on the bag tightens and your footsteps echo through the empty streets, accompanied by the gentle rhythm of the rain. The night will swallow you up, but you know - you will return, smarter, stronger, more dangerous, ready.

Soon enough.

Notes:

And that was it again with the new home. But what should you have done, Singed was just using you and you fell for it. But now with the beginning of the search for the Corpse Partsm the development of your magic and everything else will be even more exciting. The next of my stories to get an update is I think the Hold on story, or Rat, honestly, no plan. Thanks for reading, please comment how you liked it and leave kudos!

[richincolor]

Interview with Miriam Zoila Pérez

Camila Núñez’s Year of Disasters, the YA debut by Miriam Zoila Pérez, was published earlier this year. If you haven't read it yet, here is the publisher's summary:

Cuban American Camila Núñez has always been afraid of the future. She’s been working hard to keep her anxieties in check, but with so many new experiences―her first queer love, trouble with her dog walking job, her mother’s judgments about her body, learning to drive, her father being too busy with work―there’s just so much to worry about.

So when Camila’s best friend gives her a tarot card reading for her sixteenth birthday, she believes it when the cards predict terrible things to come. As the year unfolds, the cards seem to be spot-on―is her papi having an affair? Will her best friend’s love life ruin their friendship? Are all her relationships doomed to fail?

Whether she’s ready or not, Camila will have to reckon with all the ways her fear about the future is ruining her life and learn to find peace amidst it all.

We're very happy to have Miriam Zoila Pérez with us today to learn more about Camila's story.

First off, after many years of blogging, journalism, and books for adult readers, what prompted this move into young adult writing?

So I actually started working on my first YA novel (not yet published) over ten years ago. I had three months off between jobs and I decided I wanted to try to write fiction. I think that audacity came from being a YA reader for so long and just really loving the genre. I wanted to try my hand at it. I came back to it more seriously in 2019, after the first Trump presidency really forced me to take a step back from political writing. I quite literally could not keep following the news, it was having such a negative impact on my wellbeing. So I dove back into that first YA draft, and once that was done, I started what became CAMILA. Now that we’re facing another Trump presidency, I’m finding writing YA fiction to be such a source of grounding and focus. I think it’s because I get to invent problems and then solve them. That’s very different than the way our world feels right now.

What was it like to write about Camila's queerness especially in relation to family and culture?

So one thing I wanted to explore with Camila was a much more accepting world than the one I grew up in. Queerness was not accepted in my high school, even in a liberal college town like Chapel Hill in the ‘90s and ‘00s. I often joke that Ellen Degeneres was the only lesbian I knew growing up (and I only knew her on TV). But I’ve heard from kids who are growing up there now that it is really normal to be queer. So it was fun to write Camila’s experience from that place, rather than what I experienced.

But her time in Miami, where she isn’t comfortable being out to her family, reflects the fact that many different experiences can exist at once, and the queer-friendliness we see in one place might not show up in another place we also consider home. I think that’s the reality for a lot of kids today, and I wanted to show that nuance, while also exploring a pretty positive family acceptance experience.

I have only read a few books for young adults dealing with polyamory and your characters are definitely learning as they go. Is there anything you would like to share with young readers about navigating polyamory?

This was something I really wanted to explore, because I know that it is a part of how kids now date. Diversity of sexual orientations and relationship styles are becoming more accepted, and dating as a teenager is hard, so I wanted to explore both those things together.

I don’t necessarily have any advice for young readers about polyamory, except to say that I don’t think one relationship style is better than another, as long as everyone is open and consenting about what they want and need. And people fail at monogamy just as often as they fail at polyamory. We’re all just learning.

What were some of the challenges you dealt with while writing Camila's story?

I tend to write very character-driven stories. Because of that, it can be hard to let bad things happen to them! But I know that plot is so important to creating a compelling story. The tarot reading actually came after I had already started writing the characters, and it helped push me to make the plot higher stakes.

The other thing that was challenging was describing what it’s like to live with anxiety. While Camila’s story isn’t my own, her mental health struggles do mirror mine. But when you live with anxiety, it is so normal that you sometimes can’t even describe it. It was challenging but also helpful for me to try and put words to this very physical and internal experience.

What do you most admire about Camila?

She’s so brave! Even though she struggles with confidence and trusting the world around her, she’s also willing to be herself in all her imperfections. She knows herself, and she knows what is important to her. I wish teenage me could have been a little more like her! And I could have used a best friend like Cindy.

Do you think you will be writing more young adult books in the future?

I hope so! I have one unpublished manuscript that my agent and I are working to find a home for, and a third that I just started working on recently. It would be a dream to get to keep writing these stories.

Is there anything you wish I had asked you about?

One thing a lot of people – especially family and friends – want to know is whether the characters and experiences are real. None of them are, and the things that happened are all invented. But the one part of the book that is real is the dogs! They are all based on actual dogs that exist in real life, and their personality traits are authentic. I hope they all feel accurately represented in the book!

Thanks so much for taking the time to share with us about your writing!

Extras:

Preview the audiobook here

Q&A with author on Instagram

[ivymarquis]

Garnish

Pairing| Alex Keller x F!Reader Rating| M Content/Warnings| Free use smut (pre-negotiated terms), dirty talk, a brief sprinkle of dummification

For @glitterypirateduck's Alex Keller Challenge!!! lmao idk why I was so intimidated writing this. I haven't really been the biggest Keller girlie so I had no idea where to go with his voice. Obviously the best way to try and get a handle on it was to write a filthy PWP :) "I bet the neighbors know my name"

Alex would know those earrings anywhere.

They are, without question, his favorite pair of hers. And while a part of him has hoped she would decide to don them after his return home, until this morning the jewelry’d remained sitting in her jewelry box. 

Of course they are his favorite for a very specific reason.

The idea of roleplaying a free use housewife fantasy just scratches a deep seated itch inside the both of them. He's already got plans- one day in the very near future- for how he wants to put a ring on that pretty finger. Take the 'house wife' part out of the fantasy by entrenching it firmly in reality where it belongs.

But right now his thoughts are focused less on the engagement band and more on the pair of earrings dangling with every tilt and move of her head. She's taunting him.

The "rules'' are pretty simple. If she's wearing the earrings, Alex has full rein to treat her to like a personal fuck doll whenever and wherever the mood strikes him and she'll go along with it. When she's done playing, the earrings go back in the jewelry box and their sex life is the same as any other couples.

The second he sees her- having walked from the mutual bedroom to their kitchen where he found her upon waking up- he decides that today will be a lot more fun if he takes a slightly different approach to start.

He gives zero acknowledgement of the dangly jewelry despite the fact that he knows she knows there's no way he didn't see them. Just gives a half-sleepy smile and presses an affectionate peck to her temple while murmuring "Good morning, pumpkin." and it takes everything in him to not crack a grin at the indignant look on her face.

No doubt she expects him to jump the moment she gives the go ahead. To pin her down against the cabinets with one arm, lift her skirt with the other and have his wicked wicked way with her.

Oh no, dear heart.

They sit and have a perfectly normal breakfast. Or at least Alex does. His pumpkin looks wild eyed and a little suspicious at his newfound self control. Clearly not expecting it and doesn't know what to do with herself about it.

"Did you sleep alright last night?" he poses the perfectly innocent question. He's being an asshole- he knows it, but he's having too much fun. He knows damn well she slept fine last night because he wore her ass out. Could barely keep her awake long enough to clean everything up.

"Yes, did you?"

"Like a baby. You seem a little jumpy though this morning- might want to watch the caffeine."

Oh she's watching something but it sure as shit wasn't the coffee.

After collecting the dishes and placing them in the sink, Alex whistled to himself while getting ready for the day. Nothing too exciting- just a few 'Honey Do's, after he put his poor girl out of her misery.

She's finding any reason she can to be in the same room as him and it's adorable. Looking for this, needing to place that- she flits in and around like she's worried he'll forget she's there if not in his line of sight.

Eventually an actual task takes her attention off of Alex and that's when he strikes.

She's bent over in front of the dryer, no doubt fishing some far-flung sock that refused to come along quietly with the rest of the laundry.

Well fuck, he can't refuse a sight like that.

He knows her well enough that as one heavy hand lands to grab her wrist, the other fists the back of her hair with enough force to keep her from banging her head against the dryer in case she startles- which she does.

Huh. He'd of thought for sure that maybe a part of her was playing up the whole 'being bent in half in front of the dryer' thing, but from that reaction he's starting to think she was actually just focused on the laundry for a split second.

He doesn't miss the way she relaxes against his hold now that his little game is up. "What a desperate little thing you are. I haven't even done anything and you're ready to roll on your back for me." 

Now that he knows she's not going to split her head open on the edge of the dryer he releases her hair, his newly freed hand now reaching down to flip her skirt up. 

The sight that greets him is enough to draw a low whistle from the man. "No panties? Naughty girl. Almost like you were expecting to get fucked today." he teases, chuckling to himself as she nods and presses her hips against the stiffening bulge in his pants. "And here I was being a mean, mean man and making my poor girl wait. Surprised you didn't have to clean up your seat after breakfast this morning."

"I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to actually do anything today," she can't help herself but to lightly grouse at him.

"That's the fun of me being in charge of when you get fucked today, pumpkin. I might bend you over every singular solid surface that can hold your weight, or I might make you wait. Choice is all mine."

Well, until she says otherwise. Or if she outright safewords. But that is a given.

His pretty girl is getting spoiled though if she's got time to be grumpy about not being bent over to her satisfaction. 

One hand trails over her hip, teasing the exposed skin as he revels in how twitchy she is. 

It takes prep- always does, always will. But they'd been at it for a good amount yesterday and with her presently about to melt into a puddle of desire and neglect after this morning, Alex is mindful but not too apprehensive as he opens his pretty girlfriend up on his fingers.

First one, just to confirm his suspicions- she's primed and wants to go, pressing back against him in anticipation as one becomes two. He knows that two of his is something akin to three of her own, and that finally seems to settle her down as his fingers stroke that spot inside of her that has her grabbing at the dryer for leverage and pushing back against it to press further into him.

"That's it, baby. Nice and fucking wet for me. You know what your job is, hm?" he purrs behind her. 

"Yes," she pants quietly. "Alex, please-"

"You're spoiled, you know that?" he still ends up pressing an affectionate peck to her temple again, pulling out of her warm body to work on freeing himself one handed.

She's all too eager to help get things rolling- standing on her tip toes and arching her back. It makes it easy to slide into her, taking a few shallow, rolling thrusts to work himself all the way inside.

Rewarded with the sound of her pleased moans, Alex is quick to settle into a pace that he knows will get the pair of them rolling their eyes in no time. At this point he knows how to get her going as certainly as he does to get himself off.

"Oh my God- right there," she moans, her own hands scrambling for purchase against the dryer to brace. Alex bands one arm across her waist while the other continues to knead her hip, keeping her close to him as he thrusts.

'Yeah? That's the spot right there pumpkin?" he asks despite knowing the answer. He just likes watching how she'll go from a smart, capable woman to a dumb little cocksleave desperate for his cum with the right kind of prompting.

"Ye-ye-yeah," she confirms as he stays steadfast in his tempo. 

"Fuck,” he groans at the wet heat of her clinging to him like she never wants him to leave her.

Letting go of her hip with one hand but keeping his other banded across her waist, Alex is all too happy to grope at her chest. Fingers plucking at her pebbled nipples- rolling and pinching one before switching to pay attention to the other. Those hitching breaths work in time to his ministrations as he works her up just to pull his hand away from her bust in favor of her clit.

Now that got her attention, each thrust of his hips and slow stroke of his fingers being rewarded with his name a constant chant in her mouth- Alex Alex Alex Alex-

“That good, pumpkin? You gonna- fuck-  make a mess for me? Come on, honey, ask me for it,” he goads.

She’s sputtering and scrambling to get her brain in working order- trying to be a good girl. Fucking adorable.

“Alex- fuck,- hgn- Alex- please! Let me- let me,” her brain struggling to play catch up.

“All ya gotta do is ask, honey. You can do that, can’t you?” Pressing another chase kiss to her temple, the dichotomy is not lost on him paired with the absolute filthy noises coming from where they’re joined. She’s gagging for it- literally can’t get the words out of her mouth in the right order. “Must be fucking you good if you can’t even talk properly,” he teases, a grin escaping him when she shoots him a glare over her shoulder. “I bet the neighbors know my name,” the uppity ones who seem to think they’re above socializing with any of the other tenants in the building- brushing off anyone who tries to get to know them.

God they must fucking hate Alex when he’s home after being sent out on mission.

“Alex please! Let me cum, please!”

His fingers kept up that maddening pace until his ears finally register that she did, in fact, use her words.

And Alex is nothing if not a man of his word.

He knows exactly how to change the quiet strumming of his stroking fingertips from the teasing touches meant to ramp her up, and the ones meant to drag her across the finish line.

Those pretty thighs are trembling as Alex plays her like a fiddle. She cums with a cry, seemingly caught off guard by how intense it is.

It doesn’t take much more to get Alex chasing his own end.

He finishes without much fanfare Pulls out, tucks himself away, pulls her skirt down and kisses her temple again before leaving a shaking mess left to sort out the laundry.

Much like breaking the seal on a night out of drinking- now that he’s given into the temptation he just cannot stop the rest of the day. The second his refractory period is up and he feels ready to go another round, he’s seeking her out within the house and can’t wait to climb on top of her.

He may or may not be the reason that lunch burns that day a few hours later. It’s a worthy reason though, and he happily orders takeout as an apology.

Age in bio/pinned or I will block you ♡