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miffyscakes · 1 day ago

Text

I don't want to see you with her

part one part two

SYNOPSIS: After your breakup, Caitlyn moves on with someone new — someone who is alarmingly similar in mannerisms, interests, even hairstyle to you.

WARNINGS: angst, lesbian yearning, no use of y/n, angst with happy ending, modern! au (bc it's easier on my brain)

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

A/N: I hate my ex. that little fucker bruh, anyway have fun w this part it was rlly fun to write

You freeze.

Is your mind playing tricks on you?

You stand still, thinking - even hoping - that you've somehow imagined Caitlyn's sweet voice calling out to you once more. However, as you turn around - slowly - there she is.

Her hair gets hit by the sunlight in just the perfect direction, enhancing the beautiful deep blue colour of it. While her eyes are filled with that look she once used on you so long ago if she was ever concerned about you.

She's not in a hurry as she walks towards you.

However, you notice how she's alone - that mirrored version of you now gone.

You try to speak.

Try to run.

But you can't

Your words feel as if they're trapped within a cage in your throat.

Your body feels as if it's no longer in your own control anymore.

You feel like a puppet that is unable to control itself no matter how hard it tries.

Caitlyn stops just a few feet in front of you - she's not too close, nor is she far from you. She's close enough to the point where you can see the slight differences in her face from when you last saw her.

There's more matureness within her eyes - but that softness still appears clear within them. That same softness that would make you melt so long ago.

"I hadn't expected to see you there" Caitlyn whispers softly, almost as if she's afraid that her voice will scare you away.

You let out a deep breath that you hadn't known you'd been holding this entire time. Your words still feel trapped in your throat as you try to force out an answer.

"...I hadn't planned on even coming in"

There's a short pause between you two - the longer you both stay silent the heavier the tension in the air weighs.

"She's not... I wasn't..." Caitlyn fumbles her words, but her eyes never leave yours as she tries to explain.

You just smile softly - whether you're trying to convince yourself or Caitlyn that it's alright is unsure, but it's adamant how hurt you truly are.

"Cait, you don't owe me an explanation," you tell her, trying so hard to convince yourself that you mean it.

"I know that," she replies as a painful expression washes over her face, "but I want to give you one, please."

You break your lasting gaze with Caitlyn and look around the street as people walk as if your whole heart isn't crumbling at that very moment.

You sigh and motion for Caitlyn to walk with you so you both don't block the sidewalk.

You both stay in silence for a while longer before Caitlyn breaks it. "She just reminded me of you," Caitlyn admits, looking embarrassed with herself. "I hadn't realized until I was laughing with her the way I did with you," she swallows. "And I hated myself for that."

You feel your chest tighten.

Before you can question her. Asking her why, asking her for any sort of answer, she continues to speak as if she knows what you'll ask her.

"I just missed you," Caitlyn doesn't hesitate as she speaks. "I missed you that I used anything to attempt to get over you," she admits, still not hesitating or stuttering over her words; as if she's been waiting to get this all out of her, like it's been weighing her down.

"Even if it wasn't truly you, I'd cling on."

You both continue to walk.

Neither of you knew where you were going, but you both kept going anyway.

"You don't get to miss me, Cait," you cut the silence. "You're the one that left me."

"Why don't you spend as much time with me anymore, Cait?"

You question your girlfriend, breaking the thick silence that you two have been sitting in throughout dinner.

"What do you mean, darling?" Caitlyn asks.

"It just feels as if we don't spend time together - as if we're not even a couple," you mumble, playing with the food on your plate with your fork.

Caitlyn doesn't respond this time, and just continues to eat as if she's gathering her thoughts.

The beginning of your relationship felt so beautiful.

Flowers.

Date nights.

Care for one another.

Just simply the bare minimum.

However, now it felt stale.

Boring.

Empty.

Neglected.

It felt like a new toy; at first it gets loved and played with every moment of every second, but once children get bored they begin to forget about it and move on to the next best thing available.

It felt like you were simply just tolerating the lack of nurture Caitlyn was providing for your relationship.

Like you were constantly waiting for her to magically change into the old her that treated you with genuine love; instead of bland I love you's that were only spoken out of habit after being together for so long.

"Cait?" You call her, hoping to actually get a response from her.

"There's no reason," she mumbles as she begins to play with her food as well.

"Caitlyn, please, I've constantly asked you about this for months now and nothing changes," your voice starts to rise as irritation fills you up.

"You always say that you're sorry and you'll work on it but nothing ever changes," your heart begins to tighten as you let everything pour out of you. "Am I just not worth changing for?"

You hope that this time Caitlyn will actually change.

That this time she'll actually realize how much her attitude is jeopardizing your relationship with her. However, no matter how many times you've poured your heart out to her, it never seemed like it was enough for her to change for you.

As the words hang above Caitlyn's head, it seems like they've actually affected her.

But, they hadn't affected her in the way that you had hoped.

"Then you deserve someone better," Caitlyn whispers softly. "Someone not like me."

The words you say hang heavy over Caitlyn's head - similarly to that one night.

"I know, I'm sorry," she whispers, still walking right beside you. You believe her, despite you wanting so badly not to.

"I know that doesn't make it any better. I know that, but I truly am sorry," she says softly.

You stay silent, because what can you even say to that? That you still love her? That you missed her too? That you've spent countless nights imagining this exact scenario, hoping that it'd come true? However, now that it's come true you're unsure as to how you should feel.

You want her back in your life so badly, but you're afraid of history repeating itself once more.

You force yourself to respond. your voice shaking in the slightest bit.

"Take care of yourself, Cait," you smile softly, before turning around and leaving her standing there alone for just a few seconds.

You suddenly feel her cold hand grab yours.

It's not forceful - it's simply that soft touch that you once grew so familiar to love so long ago.

"Wait," she quickly breaks the silence.

She seems to hesitate what she's about to say.

The sounds of the city fill the air as you stand there.

Your hand locked in with hers.

"I don't want this to be goodbye," she whispers, the sounds of cars and chatter almost overpowering her voice. "I don't want there to be a goodbye."

And for a second time, it feels as if time has just stopped in that very moment.

You feel your heart beating loudly in your ears.

She looks scared - terrified - but her eyes are honest. Filled with love and regret at once. You can barely hear what she's saying, but you are able to catch the words, "I still love you."

Hearing that breaks you out of the trance that you'd caught yourself in.

"I don't know if that's selfish of me to say. I know I don't deserve a second chance," she hesitates. "But if there's even the smallest chance that I could try again with you..."

She trails off, the silence around you weighing heavy and the tension thickening.

Then you feel it.

That same feeling on that day you two both met.

That feeling of your heart fluttering and your body heating up as you laid your eyes on the most beautiful girl you had ever seen in your life.

That feeling of love that you had assumed had been buried after months of silence.

It never disappeared.

It was simply hiding underneath all of those feelings of pain that you held for so long.

It was simply waiting to come out.

"I still love you too, y'know..." You whisper, your face heating up with embarrassment as you admit it.

Relief washes over Caitlyn's face - that fear that was once on it now gone, the tears she's been holding finally allowing themselves to fall. Suddenly you're in her arms, wrapped tightly as if one of you had just come home from war.

The noise of the world - cars, chatter, animals - becomes muffled as you melt into her touch. That scent that once overtook your apartment entering your nose as she holds you tightly.

"I missed you," she whispers, her voice shaking.

You nod softly.

You're not naive - nothing will change overnight.

There's healing that must be done.

Conversations that must be had.

Trust that must be rebuilt.

But now there's time for that.

There's hope.

This time you both can do this.

Together.