#before everything is Their faultm before everything is My fault.

[leechloach]

Thank you to all my friends, like my close friends like people I talk to, ever, who are not abandoning me right now, despite my behavior. I have a personality disorder, I have complex PTSD, I have OSDD, in addition to the average depression + anxiety combo. I'm like trying not to Blame my mental illnesses here but hey man this is the shit I have that gives me big fucking problems. I can't control it all the time. If I could behave better or more normally or whatever then I would.

I don't tend to keep friends for very long because of these things... So the friends I do have are very tolerant and willing to put up with my shit, for some reason. I have been crying all night trying to thank everyone who is still okay with me because sometimes things you think are going to last forever Don't. Not even, like, 15 years of friendship. I just want anyone and everyone who fucking appreciates me to know that I do before it's too late. I will fuck up really really bad one day! One day it will be too much. I won't be able to see it.

I haven't cried at all about my friend, ex-friend, idk, at all, about his "goodbye" message. It feels fucking fake, this feels completely not real ... probably never will even if there's 15+ years of silence, if we never speak again for the rest of our lives. I cannot believe myself here lol I'm so insanely mad at myself I didn't know I was fucking up so severely when I first said anything. Who the fuck needs that, why did I say it like that, who fucking cares, no Shit I fucked up!!!! But I'm not the only one!!!!! And I cannot be mad At You I can be mad but if it's At You it's unacceptable, I'm saying something wrong (incorrectly) if I am. I get patronized and spoken to like I'm a fucking kid who's making a scene in public. And then you go ahead and make a public fucking scene !!!!! Leaving the group chat and blocking me as if that doesn't fucking effect everyone in the group. Literally are you fucking stupid what the fuck are you trying to accomplish with that other than creating some Huge Fucking Deal !!!!!

Listen I'm just bitching to Nothingness because I assume I'm not being watched here. But tiger I swear to god if you're looking at all my shit you need to tell me. You're not my fucking father you don't need to fucking stalk me just say that you saw this. I will be mad. People need to be mad at you sometimes.