#before rereading the script

[limoncheg]

A little sketch after hard days of studying. It's sad that this script of sbemail 136 got cancelled

[tinesleftnipple]

Don't mind me I'm just making a Very Random Checklist (will continue updating this. Few are confirmed! Only speculation! Only speculation! Only speculation!)

Pei su holds and examines LWZ's hand in the car (end of ep 10)

Push and pull outside LWZ's car in front of Pei su's mansion (ep 13)

LWZ sees Pei su's scars on his chest (ep 13)

LWZ guiding Pei su's hand over to rinse the bowl (ep 14)

LWZ breakdown holding Pei su after the bomb (ep 15)

LWZ: "he's the person I must hang onto" (ep 15. Unsure)

LWZ feeding Pei su honey (ep 16)

LWZ blowdrying Pei su's hair (ep 16)

LWZ and Pei su texting each other (ep 17)

Pei su picking up LWZ after work and LWZ getting mad that Pei su slept inside the car with the windows closed and heat on (ep 17)

LWZ making Pei su wearing long underwear (ep 17)

LWZ making Pei su wash the vegetables (ep 17)

LWZ and Pei su eating dinner and talking about shiniang (ep 17. Unsure)

Pei su picking LWZ up from work (ep 18. Unsure)

LWZ scolding Zhang yifan for attempting bribery (ep 19)

Pei su conversing with Mu xiaoqing in the kitchen (20. Unsure)

LWZ pushing Pei su against the wall when Pei su tries to leave and asks what Pei su means by "people like me" (ep 20)

LWZ flicks Pei su's forehead (ep 24)

LWZ asking Pei su why his hand is so cold outside the hospital (ep 20. Unsure)

LWZ realizes Pei su has a fever (ep 25)

Fever dream. Young Pei su's mom gives him a hint for the basement door password (ep 26. Unsure)

Alternative shots of the hypnosis scene of Pei su lying on the couch (ep 26. Unsure)

Pei su: "shixiong, if you were a girl...." (ep 26)

Deleted text from Pei su to LWZ: Pingdiguo and I will be with you forever (ep 27)

LWZ checking Pei su's pulse in the closet (ep 28. Unsure)

LWZ while carrying Pei su:"Let's go home" (ep 30)

Pei su grabbing LWZ's sleeve (ep 30. Unsure)

[hey-heigo]

Chapter 32

second chapter of da year...like a full month later

SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY

Some pre-chapter notes:

sorry this took so long! what i thought was carpal tunnel turned out to be frostbite and also the world ended in my head

i can't promise a proper posting schedule for the next few months but i'll try to find the time to write

@digitaldollsworld heart emotes forever

Content warning tags: descriptions of blood (typical Danganronpa trial stuff), nonlinear pacing (there will be flashbacks between the trial and Makoto's side of the investigation)

< previous - from start - next >

Makoto stares intently at Kyoko, trying to catch her reaction to his words, every minute detail. It’s not easy, not with how his sweaty hands slip where they clutch to the wooden rail, or the way his pulse roars in his ears.

For just a flicker of an instant, she looks surprised. Eyes widening, the corners of her mouth tightening and turning down in a brief, contemplative frown. But it’s gone just as quickly, face resettling into neutrality with, maybe, just a little bit of anger, in how her eyes are narrowed just a little more than usual.

“Explain.” She says, and was her voice sharper than normal? He can’t tell, and glancing at Hina, Sakura, and Hiro also doesn’t yield any clues. Each of them are watching Kyoko with a singular, anxious focus, the tension palpable.

Makoto coughs to clear the nervous knot in his throat. There was a weird energy in this trial, different from the ones previous. The first trial, he’d been caught up in grief in shock, clumsily fumbling through the evidence he’d picked up, following Kyoko’s cues. The second trial, he had a better handle on things - still nervous, but with a clear goal keeping him alert and concentrated - though that had quickly given away to guilt and remorse.

This time, the guilt was here from the start, sitting like a knife stabbed in his belly. Kyoko was going to be pissed at him, and there wasn’t anything he could do to avoid that - if anything, everything he was going to do was going to make her angry, if not outright hate him. He wouldn’t be able to blame her for that, but…

But, he also had a right to know. Everyone had a right to know. And if this was going to clear the air for the future, then he was going to have to do it now.

“We…we have the basic facts of the case to start off with, right?” He starts, haltingly. “We know the murder weapon that was used on Celeste was a hammer, found next to where Mondo was lying. We also know Mondo was stabbed by a sharp object, and a pair of bloodied scissors were found in Celeste’s hand-”

“But I believe I said that it was improbable for those scissors to have been used to kill Mondo?” She says, and he winces at how she sounds way harsher than normal.

He’s saved by Sakura. “Improbable, but not impossible.” The fighter says bluntly, arms crossed over her chest. “You pointed out the blood smeared on the entire length of the blade wasn’t consistent with the depth of the stab wounds, but that assumes that the blood was only on the blade due to entering the body. Blood splatter, or the way it was then hidden in her sleeve, could have also smeared the blood to reach that point.”

The brief flash of irritation that crosses Kyoko’s face was enough to dig the knife a little deeper into his gut, so he continues quickly. “Um, anyways - assuming that the scissors are the murder weapon, it's…pretty easy to assume that Celeste and Mondo killed each other, really.”

“Really? With their corpses on opposite sides of the room?”

“Hey, it’s totally possible that Mondo crawled over to the other side!” Hiro speaks up, chest puffing before withering immediately under the scowl Kyoko sends his way. “I-I mean…he wasn’t dead when we found him at first, right? So…”

“The blood smear from his body does imply that he crawled some distance, but it wasn’t very far, and it wouldn’t have nearly been enough to justify Celeste being found leaning against the opposite wall.”

“Then maybe she moved there herself!” Hina interjects, fists clenched. She matches Kyoko’s stare with a glare of her own, fierce and determined. “We don’t know for sure if she died instantly, right? So it’s totally possible that she walked over there before dying!”

“With the amount of blood found pooled on her body, it seems hard to believe that she didn’t leave any kind of clear blood trail between where she and Mondo were found.”

“Th-that doesn’t mean it’s impossible!”

There’s a sharp click, and Makoto jumps a bit at the sound - but it’s Byakuya, arms crossed. “So much of this seems to be relying on speculation.” He says coldly. His face is pinched into a contemplative frown, his hand reaching up to tap against his temple before just as suddenly dropping back down. “Surely this isn’t all the evidence you’ve gathered?”

There’s an unspoken insult implied in that question, a silent ‘is this all you managed, in the time since we left?’ Makoto glances quickly at the others, but thankfully, none of them had noticed it - or they were ignoring it, which was just as fine.

“We…did find this.” And he reaches into his pocket for the audio recorder.

__

When they’d first found the recorder that had been tucked into Mondo’s pocket, they were silent for a long moment after listening to its contents.

It wasn’t just out of shock, though Hiro did look pretty queasy, and Makoto was dealing with some kind of weird, internal vertigo after feeling his heart drop to his stomach like a sack of bricks. But also because the recorder hadn’t been hidden particularly well - in Mondo’s back pocket, on his right side - and it had practically fallen into Hiro’s hand the moment he went to shift him, intending to try and wrap a sheet around his body.

Even though no one said anything, Makoto knew their thoughts were unanimous. Something this incriminating, this obvious, and Kyoko hadn’t found it?

Sakura had slowly unclenched her hands, taking a long, slow breath. “Makoto.” She said, and he’d flinched, already having an inkling of what she was going to say. “We can’t ignore this any longer.”

He’d braced himself for it, but Sakura’s words still hit like a punch to the chest, making it dizzyingly hard to breathe for a moment. His hand tightened on the recorder enough for the plastic edge to dig into his skin.

“It’s probably not what it looks like,” He said, but the words sounded pretty pathetic, even to himself. “Maybe she really did just…miss it, or something. By accident.”

“Even so, that’s still…” Hiro’s foot jiggled a nervous pattern against the floor. “Kyoko has been acting weird, right? Like it’s not just me?”

“It was pretty weird when she took Byakuya, Hifumi and Toko with her,” Hina agreed. She looked furious, though Makoto wasn’t totally sure why - just that the look had come over her when Kyoko was investigating, and hadn’t fully left since. “I mean, for all she was talking about efficiency, I can’t see how it’s more efficient to drag Byakuya back and forth! His ankles were all messed up!”

So Makoto hadn’t been imagining the limp Byakuya had been walking with, the glimpse of a white bandage under his pants leg, the way he couldn’t seem to keep weight on either foot for too long. He tamped down the little flare of anger at that realization - right now, he was supposed to be defending Kyoko, not getting pointlessly angry. And Byakuya could take care of himself.

(Could he? A voice asked in his head, which Makoto pointedly ignored.)

“Right?” Hiro nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her actually do anything for someone, much less volunteer to take someone to the nurse’s office.” And his words were another blow. “Though, I guess she didn’t volunteer, it was more like making Hifumi do it, which…”

He trailed off. They were all thinking the same thing, regarding Hifumi being in that close proximity to a girl. They all knew how he acted around Celeste, after all.

Makoto didn’t want to suspect Kyoko. But she was also the one who told him to think objectively, to look at evidence and fact instead of sentiments while he was still grieving over Sayaka’s murder. To focus only on what was in front of him instead of clinging to the idea that he could trust anyone here.

How ironic, he thought bitterly, as he closed his eyes and dug his knuckles against his brow, the recorder tapping against his forehead. Too many things are adding up.

He must have been quiet for too long, because there was a sudden, gentle hand on his back, and he glanced up to see Hina crouched next to him. “Sorry, man,” She said quietly. “This is…probably harder on you than the rest of us, huh.”

“...It’s fine.” He tucked the recorder into his pocket, before he could break it with how much he was fidgeting. But having his hands empty also felt wrong, so he picked at a sliver of skin that’s beginning to curl up, at the corner of his thumb.

He had a feeling about it since Kyoko left them, but now her absence was stark and unavoidable. Without her, he felt - untethered, and not in a good way. Directionless. A balloon let go by a careless kid.

He glanced at the others, still standing around him, watching with varying looks of concern and sympathy. But it wasn’t enough to cover up the expectation, the tense, waiting air for their next move. Like he was the leader, or something, and that had put an even worse taste in his mouth.

I’m not Kyoko. He didn’t know how to split his emotions and rationality like she did. Even right now, he was still grappling with Mondo’s and Celeste’s death, Byakuya’s near-murder, and the revelations of the audio recording they had just uncovered. He couldn’t give direction like she could - he wasn’t sure he even wanted to try.

So instead, he’d stood up, turned to face the others fully, and asked: “What should we do?”

__

“Shut up.”

Mondo’s voice, a low, hollow growl, crackles and buzzes out of the audio recorder. Twisted with the grief he hadn’t been able to shake since Taka’s death, but unmistakable.

“I’m surprised,” Byakuya’s voice follows after a pause, clearer than Mondo’s, enough so that Makoto could discern how it was stilted with fear, even with the slight undercurrent of static. “I didn’t think you still had it in you-”

His voice is cut off by a sharp, sudden gasp, and then a deafening splash - a roaring explosion, gunshot loud in comparison - and then, nothing by heavy, labored breathing, before it clicks into silence.

Kyoko looks stunned, eyes wide and staring at the little device in Makoto’s hand. And then she catches him staring, and composes herself in an instant.

“I see. So that’s the basis for your verdict.” She says smoothly, settling a hand against her chin as she thinks. Makoto scans her face, desperately searching for anything, a sign of nervousness, a flicker of relief - but nothing.

“Yeah. It is.” Hina says, and she sounds almost accusatory. “It’s kind of surprising that you didn’t find it before us, actually.”

“I didn’t have time to search the room very thoroughly.” She replies, and it doesn’t escape Makoto that the way she said that left no clear suggestion that she did know about the audio recorder in the first place.

“It was found on Mondo’s body, actually.” The glare Hina is wearing could set houses on fire, but Kyoko doesn’t even flinch. “It wasn’t even hidden or anything. So it’s kinda weird you missed it entirely, you know?”

That gets a reaction. Her brow furrows, her left hand twitching almost imperceptibly. Almost.

The tiny, flinching motion digs into Makoto’s brain, making him frown. He has the feeling he’s forgotten something, but whatever it is rests on the tip of his tongue and refuses to make itself clear.

“...I’m not perfect,” Is what she finally says, as noncommittal and generic an answer as she could have hoped to give. “And I was rushing. Though judging from how you presented this, I’m assuming that this simple explanation won’t cut it?”

“It doesn’t.” Sakura replies frostily. Makoto really hopes he’s imagining the quiet hostility radiating off of her - no, Kyoko has blinked and glanced away, so probably not - “If you have any protests against what we’ve found, you’re welcome to speak up and counter it.”

And Makoto silently begs, prays that Kyoko does do that, that she lays out exactly what evidence they missed and what evidence she found and creates a timeline that perfectly maps who the killer is, and they can all stop suspecting each other and things can - not fix themselves, but get better, start moving more towards group collaboration rather than this ‘every man for themself’ attitude that Byakuya and Kyoko are so intent on following, to their own detriments.

Instead, her eyes turn to him, pale and narrow and snakelike, and she says: “This isn’t everything you found, is it.” It’s not a question.

He doesn’t even try to lie. He thinks about it though, but it’d probably be futile. Kyoko was always uncannily good at seeing through people, especially him - or maybe just him, as he focuses his gaze on a particularly interesting whorl in the wood flooring in front of her. “It’s…not.”

“Then?” Byakuya says, clipped and irritated. “Is there a reason behind this tangent?”

There’s a grimace on his face, like this is the same level as an unexpectedly bad cup of coffee in terms of annoying things to him, but Makoto doesn’t miss the nervous edge creeping into his voice, the way his fingers twitch against his elbow.

“Even disregarding the fact that you’ve been withholding evidence,” And Makoto does his best not to cringe too noticeably, that knife of guilt doing an especially vicious twist at that. “Everything feels far too convenient to be wrapped up so cleanly. Furthermore, it seems that despite what everyone has been saying, they’ve been thinking something else.” This time, Hiro is the one who flinches, perpetually bad at keeping a poker face as Byakuya hits the bullseye. “It’s not Mondo you’re all suspicious of, but Kyoko, isn’t it?”

As he says that, all pomp and snark, he shifts his weight onto the opposite leg, leaning his hip gingerly against the railing. Bracing his hands against the wood surface, the sleeves of his ill-fitting jacket riding up for just a moment, revealing a flash of white-

Makoto registers the sight of it, and feels some last, thinning thread of control stretch, pull, and break.

“So what if it is!” He hears himself snap before he can even think it, and the knife does some kind of weird corkscrew maneuver as both Kyoko and Byakuya look to him, one with eyes very sharp, the other with eyes…just as sharp, actually, but it’s kind of hard to tell with how he’s usually squinting. And this is really the worst way to go about this, and he feels regret already settling in him, making him break in a cold sweat, making his breath come in short, stuttered breaths, painful and dizzying - but he’s already started talking, so - “Kyoko, you’re clearly smart enough to know that we don’t really believe in this idea that Mondo was responsible for everything! You’re always dragging me around and making me look at things that you’ve already found! So why can’t you start talking first for once?!”

For once, she looks genuinely stunned. Dumbstruck, staring at him like he’s grown two heads. He’d find it more intriguing if he didn't also feel like he was about to be sick all over the floor.

(“Ooh, dramaa!” Monokuma sings in the background, which really, really was not helping with Makoto’s urge to puke at all.)

“He’s right!” Hina shouts, taking over for him, and he can’t decide if he’s grateful for that or not - “Every trial so far, it’s always been you making Makoto talk for you - don’t think we haven’t noticed it!”

“That is-” Kyoko hesitates, blinking. For a moment she’s almost unrecognizable, not stalwart or calm but - just like the rest of them - unsure and maybe, just a little afraid, or at least Makoto thinks so. “I…have my own reasons-”

“You’ve also been acting strangely during this investigation,” Sakura says, words calm and simmering with the promise of a threat. “Despite the emphasis placed on investigation, you made Makoto take over investigating the art room - a crucial place in this crime - while you insisted that Toko go to the nurse’s office, and then made Hifumi carry her. I can’t imagine that would factor well into your need for efficiency.”

“Listen-”

“You-! I also thought it was pretty weird that you made Byakuya go with you!” Hiro jumps in, pointing an accusatory finger. “I mean, there’s no way you didn’t know he was injured! Even I could tell!”

“I’m not an invalid,” Byakuya replies sharply, and Hiro closes his mouth with a snap. “And she only took me along because she wanted to hear my testimony before the trial began. I wouldn’t have gone if I didn’t think it wasn’t going to be important.” His glare turns to Makoto, vicious and accusatory, and Makoto looks hurriedly away. “Is there a reason why you want to waste our time here?”

“It’s not wasting time, we- I mean-” He swallows, earlier bravado totally drained. “That is…I, think, if we’re going to - to keep working together, we need to…lay everything out. No more secrets.” He avoids looking at Kyoko too, though he can feel her staring bullet holes into him.

“And you thought this was important enough to bring up now, during a trial-”

“Yes, I do! Because at the rate we’re going, this isn’t going to be the last trial!” Byakuya flinches back a little at that, and, whoops, Makoto must have been yelling and he hadn’t even noticed; he quickly reels back. “I…I know it’s going to be hard, but…” God, he hates this. But he can’t leave it up to the others, not when he was the one who knows her best. “Kyoko, we don’t know anything about you. Not your talent, not what you’re doing every day…We don’t even know what you were doing before breakfast this morning.”

Understanding clicks on her face, and she resettles into her usual, neutral look. “I see. So in terms of alibi and possible motive, you’ve identified me.” And she looks at Byakuya. “Which one do you think I am responsible for? Mondo’s death? Celeste’s murder? Or maybe, it was the failed attempt to drown Byakuya?” She turns her gaze back on the rest of them. “Or maybe, it was all three?”

She says it all so casually, like this was just another thing for her to pick apart and analyze. No spite, no sarcasm - with how her hand taps against her chin, she could just be thinking out loud to herself. It’s kind of off-putting, and Makoto can see some of the others looking especially disturbed, Hina taking a step away, Hiro’s fidgeting getting more noticeable. Hifumi flinches so hard his glasses nearly fall off.

After a moment, Kyoko looks up again, eyes centering on him like a target. And he feels a shiver, icy and electric, run down his spine in response, at all the rage that she wasn’t putting into her words or gestures, darting between them like a static shock.

“All I have to do is explain why I’m not guilty, right?” She leans forward, one hand resting against the bannister, the other sitting on her hip. “Fine, then. Where should I start?”

__

Byakuya feels a now-familiar pang of jealousy, watching Kyoko settle into her role as the defendant with a grace he couldn’t hope to match. A complete sureness that he wishes he had, back during the last trial when it had been him who was being accused.

There are a lot of things that he’s envious of, actually, as he takes stock of the situation. The atmosphere is…not calmer, per se, but more controlled, less lost to emotion, and Kyoko had actually been afforded the opportunity to investigate on her own. Already, several major points working towards her favor.

On top of that, it didn’t seem that anyone believed she was truly the culprit. Or at least, the only evidence they had was circumstantial at best, and they were all aware of it. It seemed that they had learned from the last trial as well, which was - a good thing, he supposes, though it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

“I will say right now, I will only discuss the information that is relevant to this trial.” She starts, clipped and cold and leaving no room for argument, and he’s almost certain this is directed mostly at Makoto. “I won’t answer any questions that won’t make us any progress. I’ll only consider answering those after the trial, and only if I think I can answer them at all.”

“How cryptic of you.” Byakuya mutters under his breath, even as Makoto stutters out a flustered “O-okay.” The others make similar sounds of agreement.

“In that case, I’ll start with my alibi. This morning, before breakfast, I’d woken up an hour prior, and was investigating the A/V room on the first floor. However, this cannot be verified by anyone here, and so I doubt this alone will be a satisfying enough testament to my innocence.”

“Noo, not every-one!” Monokuma chimes in. “I’ve got eyes everywhere, baby! I’m like corn but with cameras!”

“Then, will you verify my testimony?”

“Hmm…” The bear crosses its arms and rocks side-to-side, thinking. “Nope! A teacher shouldn’t get in the way of their students’ growth! And if I make a habit out of freebies, I’ll lose my reputation! After all-”

“As I thought,” Kyoko continues, cutting Monokuma off completely and leaving the bear to sputter indignantly in the background. “When I left the A/V room. breakfast had already started for the rest of you, and I joined Makoto, Hiro, and Hina in the cafeteria. There was no one in the hallway who I noticed who might be able to support this claim.

“However, I’m not the only one. Hifumi has yet been unaccounted for during this time, no? As was Sakura and Toko.”

Several of the named parties splutter and shout, and Byakuya winces at the cacophony, the irritating baying. “H-How dare you! A-aren’t you just shh-shifting attention off of yourself!?” Toko is shrieking, while Hifumi stammers out: “I-I was i-in my room! Working! Honest!”

Hina, surprisingly, is the loudest of all: “Sakura was in the girls’ exercise room - which you’d know if you weren’t so secretive!” She snarls, with surprising vehemence. “She works out every morning, and I walked with her over there before going to breakfast.”

“But you didn’t go swimming this morning?” Kyoko tilts her head, as if surprised. “Or were you aware that the pool was going to be…occupied?”

“You-!”

Byakuya’s not sure what she’s trying to achieve with this. Tempers were being needlessly riled, and he can tell Hiro was leaning over desperately to keep Hina from jumping over Mondo’s empty stand at the other girl. On Kyoko’s other side, Sakura seemingly hasn’t moved a muscle, and Byakuya sincerely hopes that she really was as calm as she appeared to him.

“...Neither me nor Hina went to the pool this morning. The only evidence we have for that is our own testimonies, which may not be considered reliable.” Sakura says, and Byakuya sighs in relief that she sounds the same as ever. “Though, I see how a lack of a working alibi implicates more than half of us.”

“I imagine in my case, however, the lack of a clear alibi is especially concerning. ‘Guilty until proven innocent’ is the norm in this justice system, isn’t it?”

“Hm. I would appreciate it if you didn’t purposefully stir things up, though.”

“...I’ll keep that in mind.”

Even with the edge of a threat in Sakura’s voice, Kyoko still seems level-headed, composed and in control in a way Byakuya hadn’t been, and he tamps down that flare of envy again.

“U-um…” Hifumi’s quavering voice speaks up. “I…was in my room. I was working on storyboarding my anime, y’know. I-I only went to the art room afterwards to use some supplies I didn’t have on me.”

“Why not just work on it in the art room?” Hiro asks.

“Th-the art room doesn’t have good acoustics! And I wanted to listen to my recorded voice lines in their best quality!”

“Alright, enough.” Byakuya waves him off, irritated. “Then, I suppose that only leaves one person left. Toko?”

The way Fukawa’s head snaps up to him at the sound of her name is revolting. This is probably the first time he’s addressed her directly since the last trial - all too soon, in his opinion, but dire times called for dire measures. “Well? Your alibi.”

She mumbles something unintelligible, punctuated with something far too breathy and excited before saying: “I-I was looking for you…”

Of course she was. He’s not sure what he should’ve been expecting - can’t this girl do anything productive besides haunt him? “Be specific. You can do that much, can’t you?”

“Hmm, I guess?” She giggles in a sing-song. Her hands reach up to paw at her braids - no, he belatedly realizes that she doesn’t have her braids anymore - instead, her pale fingers sink into dark hair, cropped short and uneven and fraying around her head. An inverted, half-formed halo. “Y-you re-eally wanna know?”

“Out with it already.” He grits through his teeth. “Or are we supposed to assume that you were the one responsible in this trial?”

Her hands drop from her hair, moving down to fist in her skirt instead. “F-fine,” She spits, irritated and unhappy. “I-I went to wait outside your door a-a little before breakfast, but y-you never showed, and you w-weren’t in the cafeteria or on the first floor. So I went t-to check the l-library and saw your k-key outside the boys’ exercise room, and from there w-went into the pool.”

So that was how she’d gotten hands on his room key. He supposes he should be grateful it was her who found it and not anyone else - other than Makoto, she was the only one who probably would’ve taken the key as a sign to seek him out immediately. Though it was disturbing to know that she’d gone to wait for him before breakfast - he’d actually gotten up much earlier than usual with the sole intent of avoiding her, and the fact that they probably missed each other by minutes was…not comforting.

Now wasn’t the time to dwell on it, however. “And it seems there’s no one who can confirm or deny this.” Kyoko says, less a question than just a statement.

“N-no, of course not.” She lets out an ugly snort. “I-it’s fine though. I d-don’t want to k-kill you, or d-die, or anything anymore…t-there can only be one b-blackened, after all.”

So her obsession hasn’t died. He clicks his tongue audibly at that, loud enough that he’s sure she’s heard, though there’s no indication if she did. It would’ve been nice if, after almost being done in and reduced to what he is now, Toko could have lost some interest. A foolish hope, but it would’ve been preferable to whatever her obsession had developed into instead.

He wants to tell her she’s insane if she thinks that he wants anything to do with her, regardless of if she was responsible for saving him, but Kyoko was speaking again. “Toko. How many pairs of scissors does Syo usually carry?”

“W-what?!” She jerks so hard that Byakuya swears he can hear threads snap from where her hands are wrapped in her skirt. “I-I don’t know! W-why are you a-asking about h-her?!”

“From previous cases, it seems that each victim was pinned with the same number of scissors. Given the repetition of a perfect pattern, it seems that Syo tries to maintain consistency for each of her crimes - it’s not unlikely that that extends to the tools she uses. Would you happen to know if she carries the same number at all times?”

Each word is chosen carefully, creating a clear separation between Fukawa and Syo. A distinction that makes Fukawa visibly relax, shoulders slumping. “I think so? I mean, sh-she o-only uses th-the same number i-in all her…killings…a-and the case can only hold s-so many at a t-time.”

“I see, that’s a good point. Thank you.” And Fukawa flushes a little at the small bit of praise, her usual pallor blotching unevenly. “Can I ask you to check how many are in her carrying case right now?” Kyoko continues on, patiently.

There’s something off-putting about this whole thing. The way Kyoko, despite being forced into this position by Makoto’s insistence and the others’ suspicion, had so easily assumed control. She was no less exonerated, but - she was handling things well, she was communicating clearly, and everything she did felt - calculated. Premeditated. Even the parts where she seemed to have been purposefully provoking tempers, which only further begged the question:

If she could do all this, why leave everything up to Makoto?

“U-um…four. Four of them.” Fukawa says, after a moment of rustling and clinking metal. She’d been so mollified that she’d forgotten to even complain, which was a miracle in and of itself. “A-and the case is almost f-full, so…”

“Then that goes to show that I was not the one who placed Syo’s scissors on Celeste’s body.” And she reaches into her jacket to pull out a dark brown pouch, its silver contents clacking against each other as she lays it out in front of her. “This is the pouch I confiscated from Syo last time, and it contains five pairs. In combination with the fact that it would be a logical fallacy if I had placed those there, and then immediately found them and identified them as not being the murder weapon, is this enough to clear me?”

The response is…chaotic. Mostly due to Fukawa, shrieking with rage - “Y-you tricked me!”, pointing a pale, trembling hand in Kyoko’s direction - but also the shock from the other onlookers. Monokuma is squealing with delight, Hina is shouting, “Why - you couldn’t say this earlier?!” And Hifumi is whimpering fast enough to almost be considered hyperventilating.

Through it all, Makoto is staring at her. Probably dumbstruck, probably betrayed; even though he’s never truly seen it, Byakuya could almost imagine it, the slack, wide-eyed look of anguish on his face.

The rush of envy that makes his heart clench is familiar now, but he nearly topples over with the unexpected force of it, the frustration of it all. He doesn’t like wishing for pointless things - better to take action and achieve it than to daydream aimlessly - but at this moment, he wants nothing more than to swap his and Kyoko’s places.

“...Okay. Okay, yeah.” Makoto says at last, quiet, but - not quite defeated, to Byakuya’s surprise. “If that’s the case. Then what’s your take on the art room? What evidence are you hiding from us?”

“I’ve never purposefully hid evidence from any of you. I’ve delayed revealing them to ensure a cleaner progression of the trials, but I’ve always revealed my hand in the end.” She replies, and she sounds like she’s smiling. “After all this, you still want me to continue?” “Please,” And Byakuya feels something in his chest twist again, feels that irrational want rear its head - he’s not sure how he knows, but somehow, Makoto sounds like he’s smiling too. “I’ll leave it all up to you.”

< previous - from start - next >

[jaderavenarts]

I've finally managed to get myself into the habit of going to bed a little early to read comics and it feels so good to be reading them again!! Feeding my creative brain!!

[queenerdloser]

i just read annihilation for the first time last week so i tried the movie. had to turn it off within the first 15 minutes lmao. i so wanted to like it for natalie portman, but i really fucking hate that they named her character (the POINT! is that she's nameless!!! what the fuck!!!) and then made her uber emotional about her husband's disappearance when in the book like a core aspect of her character is that she's extremely emotionally reserved. like she has emotional reactions to her husband in the book but they're NOTHING like sobbing to herself about him. such a misread it actually took me right out of the story and i had to stop.

[sparrowsfallingfromthesky]

I just can't believe that I really truly believed that I had completely moved on from my Spring Awakening obsession

[a-casxandra]

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐞.❞

Actor Rafayel x you (non-mc) as his non-showbizz girlfriend. angst.

𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝗸. Especially if you’re not part of that dazzling, cutthroat world.

You never thought it’d be this hard. You told yourself love was love, and that behind the flashing cameras and glimmering premieres, he was just Rafayel—your Rafayel. Not the actor the world worshipped. Not the onscreen heartthrob. Just him. Just yours.

But lately, it doesn’t feel like he is.

You sat in the softly lit penthouse you both called home. Candles flickered on top of a small cake you picked up that morning, the wax slowly pooling as the minutes turned to hours. Your anniversary. Two years.

Your fingers trembled as you typed, “Rafayel, where are you? Shouldn’t you be home by now?”

It took him ten minutes to reply.

> “I’m with MC. We just finished shooting and the production team invited us to eat outside. So you don’t need to wait for me.”

You stared at the message. Read it. Reread it. It didn’t hurt because of what he said—it hurt because he didn’t even apologize. Like he’d forgotten. Like it didn’t matter.

You didn’t text back.

MC.

You knew her name before you ever met her. She was his first love—a part of his life from long before you arrived. He never hid that from you. He told you, once, that their story ended long ago. That what they had was over.

But now?

Now they were cast in the same drama. And the world, blind to you, started shipping them. Every interview. Every tweet. Every video edit, every comment and Rafayel never said a thing to deny it.

One week after your forgotten anniversary, you snapped.

You dressed simply. Jeans. Hoodie. Cap. And you went to the set. You knew where they were filming—of course you did. You’d helped him memorize lines, listened to him stress about this scene or that shot. And yet, he never once offered for you to visit. Never once asked if you’d come.

You stood behind the crowd near the monitors. Nobody noticed you. Just another fan in the sea of them. That was all you ever were, wasn’t it?

Then you saw him.

Rafayel stood across from her—MC—laughing softly. A sound you hadn’t heard from him in weeks. His hand rested on her back, gently. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her. You felt like a stranger, intruding on something real.

Then the scene started.

It was a confession. He looked at her with so much longing, you forgot it was acting. The way his voice broke on her name, the way his hands reached for hers. And when he kissed her… the world spun.

But you reminded yourself—it was a job. Just a script. Just a role.

Until the director yelled, "Cut!"

And Rafayel didn't pull away.

Their lips still touched. They were laughing. Flushed. Embarrassed by the cheers of the staff, by the teasing, but neither of them denied it. She tucked her hair behind her ear, he covered his smile—and you realized:

You never made him smile like that.

You couldn’t breathe.

Your legs took a step back. Then another. The voices faded. Your heart didn’t shatter all at once—it cracked, slowly. Silently.

You stood alone, surrounded by people who adored him. But none of them knew him. Not like you did. And maybe that’s why it hurt so much.

“Why is it her and not me?” Your voice trembled. “I’m his girlfriend… I stayed by his side longer than her… I supported him in his dreams… but I guess I’ll always remain a fan. Someone who cheers him on from the shadows… but never gets to stand beside him.”

You didn’t leave a note. You didn’t scream or cry. You just… left. The penthouse felt too big that night. You packed slowly. No drama. No chaos. Just… an end. Quiet and unseen, like you always were.

𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮. 𝙎𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩…

…𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜.

[pohyuck]

where pretend becomes real

lee donghyuck x reader — a variety show marriage. a fake spouse. cameras in your face every day. (5.9k)

• in celebration of our fullsun’s birthday!! this story is inspired by the show we got married, though please note that it may contain some inaccuracies, as it’s not strictly based on the show’s actual format or segments

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

you almost didn’t sign the contract.

the offer had come out of nowhere. an email from your manager, phrased with cautious excitement. 'we got married' was being rebooted after years off air. you’d be one of the main couples, if you agreed.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

you reread the email several times before closing your laptop and calling your best friend. “do i look like i have time to fake a marriage right now?” “you’ve literally been single for two years,” she said flatly. “yeah, but at least that’s authentic.”

the truth was, your agency thought it would be good exposure. and part of you, deep down, was curious. about what it would feel like. to pretend to fall in love. about whether pretending might start to feel real.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

donghyuck said yes because he thought it’d be funny. the managers barely got the words out. “they want you for we got married” he started laughing before they finished. “you’re joking. that’s the show where idols act in love for strangers, right?”

but later that night, lying in bed, he scrolled through old clips of the show. something about the way those couples looked at each other in the last episodes stuck with him.

he could fake chemistry. easy. he’d been doing that for stages and fan signs since he was fifteen.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the camera lens captured everything.

your nervous fidgeting, the way your eyes darted around the unfamiliar set, the tiny puff of breath you let out when the PD said, “action.”

you weren’t a stranger to the industry, but this was different. this wasn’t acting. this was you, paired with someone you’d never met, pretending to be newlyweds on national television.

and then he walked in.

lee donghyuck. better known to most as haechan—nct’s infamous sunshine with a mischievous streak and a smile that could disarm even the toughest senior idol.

you have seen clips of him before: teasing his members and turning charm into a weapon. and now, he stood in front of you, grinning like he already knew all your secrets.

“oh?” he said, head tilting slightly. “they really blessed me with a pretty wife.” you blinked. “they told me my husband would be cute, but i didn’t expect him to flirt five seconds in.”

he laughed, hand coming up to hide his mouth. “gotta give the fans what they want. don’t worry, i’m not always like this.”

“…actually, i am”

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the first few shoots were awkward, as expected.

you learned quickly that haechan had no shame in front of the camera. he was a professional flirt, tossing out compliments and jokes with effortless precision. every time you thought you had the upper hand, he’d flip the script.

"you’re not wearing your ring," he pointed out during episode two, eyes flicking to your bare finger as the two of you sat across from each other in a café.

"i forgot," you said, deadpan. "i left it next to the dignity i lost when they made us do couple yoga yesterday." he cracked up, but you caught the flicker of something behind his smile. maybe he hadn’t expected you to match his energy.

after that, it became a rhythm. witty back-and-forths. glances that lingered a second too long. moments that should’ve been harmless, like sharing an umbrella, decorating your "married" apartment, brushing flour off his cheek during a baking segment, but somehow weren’t.

you told yourself it was the cameras. the setting. the editing. they were supposed to make it look romantic.

still, you couldn’t help but notice the way haechan’s teasing softened when the staff weren’t around. how he started remembering the smallest things about you. how, during the fourth shoot, when your heel broke and you stumbled slightly, he caught you with an ease that felt too natural.

he blinked down at you. you blinked up at him.

then someone yelled "cut" and the moment disappeared like smoke.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

it was around episode six when things started to shift.

you were filming a camping trip. just the two of you, a tent, a rented suv, and several production crew members pretending not to exist.

after the marshmallow roasting and scripted couple games, you found yourselves sitting by the fire, wrapped in matching blankets. it was one of those rare lulls where neither of you felt like performing.

"are you always like this?" you asked. he glanced at you. "like what?"

“like you’re constantly trying to win some imaginary flirting competition."

haechan smirked. "would it kill you to admit i’m charming?" "i think the entire population already knows that," you said flatly.

his smile widened. "so you do think i’m charming." you groaned, pulling the blanket over your face. "regret. immediate regret."

but he didn’t tease you further.

instead, he sat in quiet beside you. the fire crackled. you could hear distant rustling, maybe a staff member adjusting the camera angle, but the world felt oddly still.

you peeked out from under the blanket. haechan was watching the flames, his expression unusually unreadable.

"you know," he said after a moment, voice low, "i thought this would be easier."

you turned to him. "what do you mean?"

he didn’t look at you. "i thought i’d be better at pretending."

you didn’t answer. you weren’t sure you could.

because the truth was, you were struggling too.

not because you didn’t like him.

but because maybe you did.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the next few shoots blurred together.

the couple trip to busan. the matching outfits. the accidental hand-holding that neither of you pulled away from. the unscripted glances. the too-long hugs. the inside jokes that the cameras didn’t catch.

you still called it acting. he still called it fan service.

but the way his hand always found the small of your back? the way you leaned into his shoulder when you were tired between takes?

that wasn’t in the script.

neither was the night he texted you after filming, a message that simply said:

"are you okay? you seemed quiet today."

you stared at it for too long before replying:

"yeah. just tired. thanks."

he didn’t say anything else.

but the next shoot, he brought you your favorite coffee order without asking.

you didn’t thank him. he didn’t mention it. the moment passed quietly, like all the others.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

it happened on an off day. no cameras. no script. just the two of you, killing time between schedules.

your manager had dropped you off early at the company building. haechan’s studio was just a floor above, and somehow you ended up in the practice room together. music played low from the speakers, nothing specific, just some playlist on shuffle. you were stretched out on the wooden floor with a water bottle pressed to your cheek, eyes closed.

"you know you’re allowed to sit on the couch," haechan said, voice light.

"i’m cooling off," you mumbled. "this floor has healing properties. don’t question them."

he laughed, sitting cross-legged beside you, watching as the sunlight through the window caught the edge of your hair.

for a while, neither of you said anything. it was easy, being quiet with you. easier than it should’ve been.

he leaned back on his hands, eyes tracing the outline of your face.

you were still in your casual clothes, makeup faded from earlier, a faint sheen of sweat on your skin from dance practice. there was nothing particularly special about the moment.

you opened one eye, looking at him sideways.

"what?"

"nothing," he said, too quickly.

you sat up a little. not fully, just enough to look at him properly.

"do i have something on my face?"

"no," he said again, quieter this time. "you just... look different when you’re not acting."

you blinked. "we’re not acting most of the time."

"aren’t we?" he asked. and then smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. "sometimes i forget what’s real."

you watched him carefully, the air going still between you.

"i don’t think it matters anymore," you said eventually, voice soft. "real or fake. you’re still here."

he looked at you like you’d said something too big. like he hadn’t expected you to cut through him so cleanly.

you turned away after a second, brushing your hair out of your face. he didn’t move.

and that’s when it hit him.

not with fireworks. not with a romantic soundtrack or some grand emotional monologue. just a quiet, breathless awareness that settled into his chest like gravity.

he liked you.

he thought about you even when he didn’t have to. texted you jokes late at night, rehearsed conversations he wanted to have with you while waiting in traffic. his mood shifted depending on whether you smiled at him that day. he’d started looking forward to filming, not because of the exposure or the paycheck, but because it meant he got to stand next to you for a few hours and pretend you were his.

and it wasn’t pretend anymore.

haechan looked down at his hands. his palms were a little sweaty.

he was in trouble.

he stayed quiet after that, afraid that if he opened his mouth, the truth might spill out too fast.

you didn’t notice the way he looked at you after that.

but he did. and he didn’t stop.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

he didn’t flirt as much anymore.

at least, not in the same way.

it was subtle, the way things shifted. haechan still joked, still teased, but his words started landing softer. less edge, more care. the things he used to say to get a reaction out of you—calling you pretty just to see you roll your eyes, leaning too close just to fluster you— were all starting to feel real.

you didn’t notice.

or maybe you did, but refused to mind it.

when you got a sore throat from overworking and showed up to set with a raspy voice, he handed you a warm honey drink without a word. you assumed a staff member gave it to him.

when you forgot your phone charger during an overnight shoot and muttered about your battery dying, he offered you his without hesitation.

"don’t you need it?"

"i can live without my phone for one night," he said, smiling.

when your hands were cold in the middle of winter filming, he tucked one of them into his coat pocket with his.

you laughed. "you’re just doing this for the cameras." "yeah," he said. but he wasn’t looking at the cameras.

you brushed it off. he was haechan. playful, dramatic, full of unnecessary skinship. you’d seen him flirt with microphones, charm auntie fans, do aegyo on command like it was second nature.

so when he started waiting for you after your other schedules, just to walk you out, when he started sending you good morning texts before call time, and good night ones after wrap, when he got weirdly quiet whenever someone on set joked about you two being a real couple, you didn’t think too hard about it.

because thinking too hard would mean acknowledging that it felt different now. that he felt different now.

you told yourself it was still fake. that he was just that good at his job.

you didn’t notice the way his gaze lingered on you when you weren’t looking.

didn’t catch how he started memorizing your moods, your habits, your silences. how he stopped filling every silence with jokes and started letting you be.

you stayed blissfully, stubbornly unaware.

and haechan let you.

because even though he wanted you to see it—even though his feelings were starting to rise up like a tide, impossible to hold back—he was still scared.

scared that if he said it out loud, the spell would break. scared that you didn’t feel it too. scared that you’d laugh, like it was just another punchline.

so instead, he kept showing you in all the quiet ways.

and you, heart fluttering in ways you still refused to name, kept calling it coincidence.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

episode thirteen.

you weren’t nervous, exactly. but you did reapply your lip tint twice in the van on the way over.

the producers had teased a surprise guest for today’s shoot, and variety shows loved nothing more than forced love triangles. you braced for awkward. but you didn’t brace for him.

cha sungwoo.

tall. handsome. charming in that effortless, trained-for-this way. you’d filmed a drama together almost two years ago, and for a brief moment, fans thought the on-screen chemistry might have spilled off-camera. it hadn’t. but the rumors stuck anyway.

"look who it is," sungwoo said as you stepped onto set, voice warm. "didn’t think i’d get to see you again on a fake honeymoon."

you smiled automatically. "long time no see."

beside you, haechan shifted his weight.

he didn’t say anything at first. just watched. his expression was unreadable, but his silence was louder than anything.

finally, he spoke.

"should i be worried?" he asked, light tone cutting sharp beneath the surface. "or is this just good tv?"

"depends," sungwoo said, amused. "are you the jealous type?"

haechan smiled. not the usual, teasing kind—the one that reached his eyes. this one was smaller. flatter.

"only when i have a reason to be."

you laughed, trying to brush it off, but your fingers tightened slightly around the sleeve of your jacket.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the shoot moved on. it was supposed to be funny and competitive—three of you cooking dinner together like a sitcom setup.

you were chopping vegetables when sungwoo leaned in behind you, his hands brushing yours.

"still bad with a knife?" he said, voice low near your ear.

you didn’t even flinch. "i’ve improved."

but behind you, haechan dropped the spatula he was holding.

you turned. "you okay?"

he bent to pick it up, muttering, "yeah. slipped."

but when he stood again, his eyes didn’t meet yours.

they were still on sungwoo.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

later, the three of you sat at the low table, eating what barely passed as a meal. the cameras were still rolling, but things had turned quiet.

sungwoo was telling a story—something about a late-night shoot and a prank. you were laughing, loose and warm in a way you hadn’t noticed before.

and haechan was watching you.

his chopsticks hung in mid-air. his shoulders tense. his jaw set like he was biting back words.

you looked at him. "what?"

he blinked. "nothing."

you tilted your head. "you’re acting weird."

"just tired."

"you sure?"

he didn’t answer right away. then he leaned in, low voice meant only for you.

"you act like none of this matters," he said quietly.

you stared at him. "what?"

"this." he gestured, vague. "the show. the pretending. him."

you searched his face, unsure if this was part of the bit or something else entirely.

"we’re just filming, haechan."

his eyes didn’t leave yours.

"maybe you are."

the words hung there. suspended between you, fragile and real.

you opened your mouth to respond—but the PD clapped, announcing a break, and the spell broke with it.

haechan stood up without another word and walked off set.

you sat there, blinking, unsure why your chest felt so tight.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

you didn’t call haechan after the shoot.

you almost did. twice.

once, when you got home and dropped your bag on the floor like something was missing.

once more, in the middle of the night, when you were staring at your ceiling and couldn’t stop replaying the way he looked at you before he walked off set.

you didn’t call. you couldn’t.

so instead, you called her. your best friend. the one who knew the before version of you, before the show, before the cameras, before him.

"hey, everything alright?" chiya asked, her voice quiet over the line. soft with sleep but already worried.

"can i come over?"

"always."

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

her apartment was warm. messy in the way homes should be. you sat on the floor wrapped in an old hoodie you’d left there months ago, your fingers curled around a mug of tea neither of you remembered making.

you told her everything. not just about today, but about all of it.

the way filming used to feel like a joke, like a role you could slip into and out of without thinking.

how that changed.

how he changed.

how you changed.

"today… he looked at me like he didn’t recognize me," you said. "like he was hurt, and trying really hard not to be."

she didn’t speak, letting the silence hold space for you.

"and when sungwoo showed up, it felt like the air shifted. like i’d stepped into a room i didn’t belong in anymore."

"because of haechan?" she asked gently.

you nodded.

"he didn’t say much. just… one thing."

"what’d he say?"

you swallowed.

"he said, ‘you act like none of this matters.’"

the words still echoed in your head. they’d been soft, almost careful. like he wasn’t trying to pick a fight. like he was asking you to see him.

"and i didn’t know what to say. because i didn’t know how to tell him that i think it does matter. more than it should. more than i want it to."

your voice shook.

"and i’m scared. i’m scared that maybe this isn’t just acting anymore. not for me."

your best friend moved closer, resting her chin on your shoulder like she used to when you were both teenagers, crying over things that felt too big for your hearts to hold.

"have you ever been in love before?" she asked quietly.

"not like this."

you weren’t even sure it was love. but it was something. something that blossomed slowly, and then all at once, when you weren’t looking.

"he makes me feel like i’m being seen. not the version of me that the cameras want. just... me. and when he looks at me, sometimes i feel like he’s about to say something he doesn’t know how to say."

"and what do you want him to say?"

you paused. the answer hurt to admit.

"that i’m not just imagining it."

your friend reached over, squeezing your hand.

"you’re not," she said. "i don’t even need to meet him to know. you’re not the kind of person who gets confused about this stuff. you’d never fall for someone unless it was real. and it sounds like you already have."

your eyes stung.

"i didn’t mean to."

"you never do."

she pulled you into a hug, and for the first time since you wrapped that scene, you let the weight of it press down on you. not the confusion. not the fear. just the feeling.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

episode fourteen

you weren’t sure how to act around him now.

you told yourself you’d just play it cool. do what you always did: slip into character, smile when you were supposed to, laugh when the producers gave you a cue, go home.

but when you saw haechan waiting on set, leaning against the kitchen counter in the little “home” you’d built together over the past months, sleeves pushed up, hair still damp from styling, something inside you stilled.

he looked up when you walked in.

and then he smiled.

small. real. tired, maybe. but his eyes softened the way they always did when he looked at you.

"hey," he said, voice gentle.

"hey," you replied, and the word felt different in your mouth. too small for how much you’d missed him in just a few days.

he opened his mouth like he was going to say more, but the PD clapped loudly and called for standby.

you both moved into position like professionals.

but you couldn’t stop glancing at him.

and he didn’t look away when you did.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the day’s concept was domestic bliss.

folding laundry. grocery shopping. making dinner together. things that looked boring on paper but, somehow, felt like the most intimate parts of the fake marriage.

just pretend it’s real, the writer joked before you started rolling.

you wanted to say, it’s getting harder to pretend it’s not.

you were standing beside haechan at the sink, rinsing vegetables, when your fingers brushed under the running water. you flinched slightly.

he didn’t.

his hand stayed against yours just for a second too long.

your heart skipped, and you hated how noticeable it felt. how loud it became in your own chest.

"you okay?" he asked, voice low.

you nodded too quickly. "just cold water."

he didn’t call you out on it. but his eyes didn’t leave yours for a long time.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

after filming, you stayed behind for a bit. the cameras were off, the crew busy packing up equipment. haechan was still in the kitchen, stacking plates to be returned to props.

you didn’t know why you lingered. only that you didn’t want to leave yet.

he looked up, sensing you there.

"you didn’t call," he said quietly.

you froze. "what?"

"after the last shoot. i thought maybe you would. or… maybe i hoped you would."

you opened your mouth. closed it again.

"i didn’t know what to say," you said eventually.

he nodded, like he understood. like he’d expected that.

then, after a long pause

"you don’t have to say anything," he murmured. "but i need you to know… i wasn’t acting. not with that."

you met his eyes. for once, there was no smirk. no sarcasm. nothing playful to hide behind.

just him.

just the truth.

your breath caught in your throat.

but before you could speak, a crew member popped their head in.

"you guys done? we need to lock up soon."

haechan glanced away. the moment passed like a held breath.

he nodded slowly. "yeah. we’re done."

but as you walked out of that little house, your fingers still tingling from the brush of his, you knew something had shifted for good.

you weren’t just playing pretend anymore.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

it was the last shoot before the final week.

the set felt more quiet than usual, like the whole crew was holding their breath. maybe because everyone knew this was the last stretch—the end of the show, the end of pretending.

you and haechan moved through the day’s scenes with practiced ease, but the easy rhythm from before was gone. now, everything between you felt heavy, like invisible strings tugging tighter with every look and every touch.

you were sitting on the couch, pretending to scroll through your phone, but you weren’t really looking at the screen. your eyes kept flicking to haechan, who was sitting beside you, hands folded awkwardly on his lap.

he glanced at you once, then quickly looked away, face unreadable.

the silence between you stretched longer than usual, thick and uncomfortable.

finally, you broke it, voice barely above a whisper.

“are you okay?”

he didn’t answer right away. then, without meeting your eyes, he said, “i’m fine.”

you didn’t believe him.

he shifted in his seat, fingers twitching like he wanted to say more but couldn’t.

the director called “cut,” and the crew buzzed quietly as they reset the next scene, but you and haechan stayed still, caught in a space where neither wanted to cross the line first.

he looked over, voice low, almost rough.

“this… all of this. it’s harder than i thought.”

you swallowed, heart racing.

“yeah.”

“i don’t want it to end,” he said, eyes finally locking with yours.

you felt your breath hitch. everything inside you was screaming to reach out, to tell him you felt the same, but the words stuck.

“me neither,” you whispered.

he gave a small, sad smile.

“what do we do now?”

you looked down, fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“i don’t know.”

but maybe that was okay.

maybe the not knowing was the start of something real.

the cameras might have been off for the moment, but the space between you was alive with everything you couldn’t say—and everything you both desperately wanted to feel.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the last day of filming felt like the end of something you weren’t ready to lose.

the set was buzzing with energy, but for you and haechan, it was heavy. heavier than before. the playful teasing, the easy smiles—they were all there, but beneath them was a current you could no longer ignore.

during a break, you found yourselves alone in the quiet corner of the studio. the noise of crew and cameras faded, and suddenly the space between you felt too small.

haechan looked at you. his usual grin gone, replaced by something softer, vulnerable.

“i’ve been a coward,” he said, voice low, almost breaking.

you blinked, heart pounding.

“me too,” you whispered back.

he took a slow breath, stepping closer, hands trembling slightly at his sides.

“i was supposed to be the one who didn’t fall,” he said, “but it’s me. it’s always been me.”

you swallowed hard, the weight of his words sinking in.

“why didn’t you say anything?” you asked, voice barely audible.

“because i was scared,” he admitted. “scared you wouldn’t feel the same. scared it was just me.”

your eyes stung. “it’s not just you.”

the silence stretched, thick and full of everything you hadn’t said before.

finally, he reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “can i.. hold you?”

your breath hitched, but you nodded.

as he pulled you close, the world outside the studio ceased to exist.

for the first time, pretending wasn’t enough. this was real.

and somehow, it left you feeling both lucky and appalled.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the studio emptied quickly, the usual noise fading until you and haechan were left alone. the silence between you felt thick, heavy with everything neither of you had dared to say.

he led you to the rooftop garden, the soft glow of string lights wrapping around the space like a secret only the two of you shared.

you sat close, shoulders brushing, every tiny movement sending sparks you could feel deep under your skin.

his fingers found yours, slow and deliberate, thumb tracing lazy circles on your palm. the warmth of his touch spread, setting fire to nerves you didn’t know you had.

he tilted his head, eyes dark and searching. “you feel it too, right?”

your breath hitched, heart pounding. “i do.”

his hand slid from your palm, fingers grazing your wrist, then up your arm, light as a whisper.

“this,” he murmured, voice low and rough, “this isn’t just for show.”

you swallowed hard, the heat in your chest rising. his gaze dropped to your lips, then back to your eyes, daring you to say no.

instead, you leaned in, letting your breath mingle, the space between you crackling with anticipation.

when he finally closed the gap, his kiss was slow, teasing—like he was savoring every second.

his hand cupped your neck, thumb stroking softly, sending shivers down your spine.

you curled into him, the world narrowing to the press of skin on skin, the heat of his breath, the ache building in your chest.

he pulled back just enough to murmur against your lips, “i’ve wanted this for so long.”

your voice barely a whisper, “me too.”

the night wrapped around you, every touch, every glance loaded with a promise neither of you was ready to say out loud.

but both of you knew.

this was only the beginning.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

soft light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room.

you stirred slowly, the weight of haechan’s arm draped over your waist anchoring you in place.

for a moment, everything was still, the world outside paused, and there was just this—the steady rise and fall of his chest against your back, the quiet rhythm of breath and heartbeat.

you turned your head slightly, catching his profile in the morning light. his eyes were closed, lashes resting softly against his cheeks, peaceful and completely unguarded.

a gentle smile tugged at your lips.

careful not to wake him, you traced lazy circles on his arm, memorizing the feeling of skin beneath your fingertips.

he shifted slightly, murmuring something unintelligible, but didn’t open his eyes.

you let yourself soak in the quiet intimacy, the kind of closeness you hadn’t dared imagine before.

finally, haechan blinked open his eyes, meeting yours with a soft, sleepy smile.

“good morning,” he whispered, voice rough but warm.

“good morning,” you replied, heart fluttering.

he tightened his arm around you just a little, as if afraid you might disappear.

“last night was… real,” he said, voice low, full of something like awe.

you nodded, feeling the same weight of it.

“yeah,” you said softly. “it was.”

for a moment, neither of you spoke, just held onto the fragile newness of what had started between you.

and in the quiet of that morning, everything felt possible.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the studio was buzzing again, crew rushing, cameras rolling, but for you and haechan, the world felt different.

you caught each other’s eyes across the set more times than you could count, every look loaded with a secret neither dared say out loud.

during a break, haechan slipped beside you, voice low enough that only you could hear.

“you okay?” he asked, thumb brushing lightly over your hand.

you nodded, heart pounding. “yeah. just… tired.”

he gave a small, knowing smile. “me too.”

the silence between you felt full, like an unspoken understanding.

filming felt harder now. not because the scenes were difficult, but because the line between acting and feeling was thinner than ever.

when the director called cut, you both lingered, reluctant to step back into the roles you’d played for so long.

haechan caught your gaze, eyes searching.

“we need to talk,” he said quietly.

your breath hitched.

“about us,” he added, voice softer now.

you nodded, the weight of it settling in your chest.

“after this is over,” you whispered.

“of course,” he agreed.

the cameras might have been rolling again soon, but in that moment, the world outside could wait.

because finally, you were ready to stop pretending.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the days after filming ended felt like a strange in-between.

you and haechan were no longer pretending, but everything else still felt like uncharted territory.

text messages came more often now, sometimes just a good morning or a meme that made you laugh, other times long, quiet conversations about fears and hopes.

you met up after practice one evening, somewhere quiet—a small café off the main streets where no one knew your names.

he was a little awkward, fumbling with his words like he was nervous all over again.

“i’m not great at this,” he admitted, stirring his coffee.

“neither am i,” you said, smiling softly.

he reached across the table, taking your hand. “guess we’re both beginners.”

some days were easier than others. sometimes, a glance or a touch spoke louder than any words.

other times, the weight of schedules, the constant eyes watching, made it hard to find space just for the two of you.

but slowly, you learned to navigate the new rhythm—stealing moments between rehearsals, quiet calls in the middle of the night, little jokes shared just between you.

there were missteps, too—missed calls, misunderstandings, moments where the fear of losing what you had made you both pull away.

but every time, you found your way back.

because beneath it all was something real, something neither of you wanted to let go.

and as the days turned into weeks, you realized that maybe, just maybe, this was more than just a story.

it was your story.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

it started with a headline.

nothing scandalous, but enough to stir the internet—a fan account posted a blurry photo of you and haechan leaving a café, the caption dripping with speculation.

are they dating for real?

fake marriage turned real?

what does this mean for their agencies?

the messages flooded your phone—some from friends, some from fans, some from strangers.

you stared at the screen, heart pounding.

haechan was beside you, phone in hand, face tight.

“they’re going to spin this into a mess,” he muttered.

you nodded, biting your lip.

it was the first time your private feelings had become public territory, and neither of you knew how to navigate it.

that evening, you met at haechan’s dorm, wanting to face it together.

“what do we do?” you asked, voice trembling.

he took your hands in his, eyes steady and fierce.

“we don’t let rumors define us,” he said. “we keep being honest. with each other, and when we’re ready, with everyone else.”

you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling the weight of the moment.

“i’m scared,” you admitted. “of losing what we have.”

he pulled you close, forehead resting against yours.

“me too,” he said. “but whatever happens, i’m not walking away.”

in that quiet room, surrounded by the noise of the world outside, you found a promise that felt stronger than any headline.

you weren’t just partners on a show anymore.

you were something real.

and you would face whatever came next—together.

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

the room was tense as you and haechan sat across from your agencies. the conversation was careful, cautious, filled with questions you’d both anticipated but dreaded.

“are you sure this isn’t just for publicity?” one manager asked.

“this is real,” haechan said quietly, eyes locked on yours. “we want to take this seriously.”

your own manager nodded slowly, “then we’ll support you. but you need to be prepared for everything.”

the words hung heavy in the air, a mix of relief and new pressure settling over you.

once the meetings ended, you didn’t speak much on the way back. the city lights blurred past the windows, your hands finally finding each other’s in the quiet.

as soon as you stepped inside haechan’s apartment, the tension broke.

he pulled you close, fingers threading through your hair, lips pressing soft and sure against yours.

“no matter what they say,” he murmured between kisses, “this is ours.”

you traced his jawline, heart pounding in your chest.

“ours,” you echoed.

the night wrapped around you, a sanctuary from the world.

in the quiet between heartbeats, you’ve found a place—a fragile world where pretend becomes real.

[blackmoldmp3]

me. insane: that’s not how selling rights for tv or excutive producer credits work……

[calebslittlecrow]

How To Assume

(stop being an overly anxious potato over manifesting)

Sometimes I see shifters asking “Oh, what should I do? Nothing is working :(“ and they get hit with the good ol “just assume” stamp and send on their way. And then, barely 10 steps later, they turn around and whisper “... the fuck do I even assume?”. Before I chew your ear off: assuming isn’t hard. Well, not really, but people tend to make it hard. We as humans just love acting like we need to turn ourselves into a pretzel every time we want something “big”. We actually assume every day - when we decide we suck, when we tell ourselves we’ll never shift anyway, when we confidently declare we are stuck in our 3D and shifting is just too good to be true and all those people in the reddit community saying it’s just astral projecting or deep lucid dreaming are right (what is even going on over there atm?). Guess what your 3D is doing with those assumptions? It grabs them, says “bet!” and starts running like it’s a race. Congrats ^-^ But hey, the good news: if you can assume all of that shit, you can also assume that you have shifted. Yeay! In the spirit of keeping it simple, I turned the way I see assuming into a neat little list. Enjoy, or not: 1. Just Decide That’s it. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, exit is to the right. Okay, it sounds suspiciously simple and I know some brains will twitch a bit right now with “That can’t be it”. But it is. You sit down, breathe and say “I have shifted”. No begging, no pleading, no howling at the moon. You just decide, and that is where a lot of people crumble already by pleading for it to happen instead of deciding it has happened. You don’t need an approval stamp, you are the CEO of your own reality, not the intern grabbing coffee. Act like it. Deciding isn’t hoping or praying, it’s simply knowing. No matter if shit catches up immediately, tomorrow or next week. Doesn’t matter, let go of the need for it to happen right now. 2. Stop checking You said you shifted and now you are still checking your reality every 2 seconds like a teenager waiting for a message from their crush. Stop it. You’re rereading your script, watching shifting TikTok like the answer to all your problems will jump at you, poking your subconscious like “are we there yet?”. That’s not assuming, that is panic dressed up as productivity (or something like that). You are basically saying “I don’t actually believe this is done and decided”. Cut it out. Just go live your life. Play some games, touch grass with two hands and one face (beware of bees), breathe some fresh air. Your desire won’t implode because you stopped choking it out and stopped micromanaging everything. Obsessing doesn’t equal manifesting. Just let it cook. 3. You commit or you quit Assuming means you have to kinda commit to it. You’re not almost there, or halfway shifted. You are there. You have shifted, no more ifs and whens and buts and any other kind of spiraling. Take five minutes out of your day, relax into that knowing (or deciding). Feel your DR bed, hear your DR friends be loud as fuck for no reason, smell the DR air. Let your imagination drown out this reality like unwanted background noise. Similar to the fake arguments you rehearsed in the shower. You never needed help with those, did ya? 4. Yell at your doubts Maybe do this one internally, unless you are really feeling bold today. Every time your doubts creep in and whisper “What if it is not real?”, you turn around, embrace your inner main character energy and yell back “Shut the fuck up Brenda (sorry to all the Brendas out there), get back into the backseat. You’re not driving, I am.” Your doubts don’t get a say in what you want. They are not invited. You think your DR self is out there wondering if they are real or not? No, they are living the life you are telling yourself is unreachable.

5. Feeling ready is overrated, just do it Stop waiting to feel ready and questioning if your script is perfect or not. Your brain will rarely send you the green light you think you need to go ahead. You will feel silly, you will feel delusional. And you might feel like a clown. Embrace it, be the clown. Insist on what you decided until your 3D gets nervous and bends over in existential fear. You don’t wait to feel certain, you decide you are certain. And then go and act like it’s done.

TL;DR (how dare you, but fine T-T) Assuming you have shifted is like assuming the sun will rise tomorrow. You don’t argue with your friend about it. You don’t beg the sun to rise again. You just know and walk with the confidence that it’s happened, and with shifting you do so because you said so. That’s it. Stop overthinking. Assume and now go, I need to do some drawing stuff.

[pitlanepeach]

Radio Silence | Chapter Thirty-Five

Lando Norris x Amelia Brown (OFC)

Series Masterlist

Summary — Order is everything. Her habits aren’t quirks, they’re survival techniques. And only three people in the world have permission to touch her: Mom, Dad, Fernando.

Then Lando Norris happens.

One moment. One line crossed. No going back.

Warnings — Autistic!OFC, pregnancy, emetophobia warning, domestic fluff.

Notes — We're closing out the 2023 season!! Double update for the day!

2023 (Abu Dhabi)

The filming studio was chaos. Bright lights, Nerf guns, a beanbag chair someone had exploded accidentally, and Max F was in the corner trying to tape a foam sword back together.

Lando stood off to the side, hoodie hood up, sipping a smoothie and pretending to review a script while actually just taking a breather from the all-day mess.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

He fished it out lazily, thumbed it open.

iMessage — 12:03pm

Amelia (Wifey 4 lifey)

My period is 3 weeks late.

—

He stared.

Then blinked. Read the words again.

And stood there frozen in the middle of the mess, smoothie halfway to his mouth.

“…What the f—”

“Bro, you good?” Aarav called from across the room, eyebrow raised.

Lando didn’t answer. He was busy rereading the message for a third time. Then a fourth. Slowly lowering the smoothie.

Missed period.

3 weeks.

Missed period for 3 weeks.

Period 3 weeks missed.

He let out a stunned, breathy laugh. “Oh fucking hell. Of course she’d just message me about it like it’s no big deal. Of course she did.”

The rest of the guys were still messing around in the background, arguing about whether they could build a kart ramp out of beanbags, and Lando just… walked backwards into a couch and sat down before his legs gave up on him.

Well, clearly she wasn’t freaking out. So that meant he wasn’t supposed to freak out. Cool. No problem. Cool, cool, super cool.

Except, he ran a hand through his hair. It was Amelia. If she was freaking out, she still probably wouldn’t say it. She’d just power through it all and not mention anything had even happened and then be like, “Oh yeah, by the way, our kid is three now.”

He shook his head.

iMessage — 12:05pm

Lando (Husband)

Ok. I’m not freaking out. Kind of want to throw up a bit tho. Love u x

He stared at the screen. Chewed the side of his thumb. Sent another.

Lando (Husband)

Did u like… pee on a stick yet????

Also should i come home. Or stay and keep filming the stupid cart bit. Idk what to do bby xxxx

Amelia (Wifey 4 lifey)

No, I have not peed on a stick. No, you do not need to come home. Finish filming. I will just see you when you come home x

—

He barely had time to process it before Max shouted, “Lando! You’re up!”

Lando slowly stood, still blinking, feeling kind of like he was buffering in real time.

“Mate, you look like you just saw a ghost,” Max added. “You alright, bro?”

Lando just looked at him, dazed. “No. I think I’m gonna be someone’s dad.”

Max’s eyes went fucking massive. “Woah, woah. Hold on. What—”

“Later. Can’t explain. Gotta pretend to joust on a kids scooter first.”

And off he went, hoodie flapping, brain somewhere over the Alps, while back in Monaco, his wife was casually engineering a race car and possibly incubating a human life like it was no big deal.

—

Amelia chewed on her bottom lip as she pulled up Pietra’s contact.

The screen blinked to life and there she was, chin propped on her hand, eating a bowl of cereal. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a lopsided bun, and she had one AirPod in, the other probably misplaced somewhere nearby. Her face lit up when she saw Amelia.

“Hello, gorgeous—wait, are you okay?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. “What’s wrong? You look off.”

Amelia didn’t say hello. She just held up her phone so the camera framed her blank expression and said, deadpan, “I am having déjà vu.”

Pietra blinked. Then squinted harder. “Wait… about what?”

“This call.” She said. “I think I’m pregnant.”

Pietra blinked again, cereal halfway to her mouth. “Você tá brincando.”

“I would never joke about this kind of thing.” Amelia said.

“Meu Deus.” Pietra gasped, dropping her spoon into the bowl with a dramatic clatter. “How? I mean—well, how is obvious, but—how do you know?”

Amelia turned her phone around, flashed her calendar at the screen. One day highlighted in red. Three weeks past due. “Calendar told on me.”

Pietra’s eyebrows shot up. “Three weeks? Amelia!”

Amelia sighed. “I know. But I’ve been so preoccupied with Vegas prep, travel, lobby meltdowns.”

“Oh my god.” Pietra was practically whispering now. “But… how likely is it?”

“Very. We haven’t been, like, trying,” Amelia said, voice clipped, efficient. “But we also haven’t been not trying. No protection for the last… few months. Ish.”

Pietra dragged her hand down her face. “Ameliaaaa. You can’t just drop a possible baby on me while I’m eating cornflakes!”

“I can and did.” Amelia adjusted the camera so it faced the ceiling, then sat cross-legged on the couch, phone balanced on her chest. This was their usual routine. She could write strategy notes with Pietra on FaceTime, no problem. Sometimes Pietra filled the air with stories, or whatever drama was happening in one of her many group chats. Sometimes she was just quiet, scrolling TikTok beside her. It was easy. Safe.

“Have you taken a test yet?” Pietra asked, after a beat.

“No.” Amelia’s voice was flat. “I don’t want to look at a little window. The little window makes things real.”

Pietra groaned. “It’s the only way to know!”

“I don’t want to know yet,” Amelia pointed out.

“I don’t trust you not to emotionally suppress this entire event and pretend it never happened.”

“Unfortunately not possible with this,” Amelia returned.

Pietra reached for the cereal again, shaking her head. “Have you told Lando?”

“I texted him. He’s in London filming Quadrant stuff, obviously. He freaked out a bit but, like, he was fine I think.”

Pietra cackled. “What did you even say?”

Amelia lifted her phone and scrolled briefly. “‘My period is three weeks late.’”

“Oh my god,” Pietra said. “You’ve probably given him a heart attack.”

“I’m nothing if not efficient.”

“He’s probably already told my Max, then. Are you telling anyone else?”

“No,” Amelia said, immediately and firmly. “I haven’t even processed it yet. And it might not even be something to process. It’d be like… trying to run a live feed before the camera boots.”

“Got it.” Pietra nodded. “Just us, then.”

“Just us,” Amelia echoed. She returned her focus to the spreadsheet open on her laptop. Sector delta charts glowed on the screen, comfortingly quantifiable.

Pietra softened. “But like—how are you?”

“I’m fine.” Amelia blinked slowly, as if running an internal diagnostic. “Not panicked. Not excited. Just... fine. Although thinking about it, I have been feeling nauseous a lot more frequently lately. I just kept putting it down to nerves you know?”

“Yes, I know. It’s been a long few weeks.” Pietra agreed. Eventually, she asked, “So. Plan?”

Amelia shrugged. “Go to the bakery and the pharmacy. Buy a bunch of pastries and three pregnancy tests.”

“And then?”

“And then I’m waiting for Lando. I’m not testing until he’s back.”

Pietra smiled, biting back something fond. “Of course not.”

They hung up not long after.

Amelia finished annotating a slide for Oscar’s sector exits in medium-speed corners, then shut her laptop with a soft click. She stood, pulled on one of Lando’s oversized hoodies, and grabbed her bag.

As she stepped out into the sunshine, she ran through her mental checklist:

Bakery

Pharmacy

Groceries

Don’t forget oat milk

Do not freak out

Business as usual.

—

The pharmacy was quiet, the sort of quiet that made every footstep sound louder than it should. Fluorescent lights buzzed softly overhead, and faint French pop music played from an old radio behind the counter.

Amelia moved with purpose, hoodie sleeves pulled halfway over her hands, the corners of her to-do list folded neatly in her pocket. She headed straight for the aisle where the pregnancy tests were shelved, eyes flicking over the boxes clinically. Brands didn’t matter. She just picked three, different ones, out of mild uncertainty more than logic, and turned on her heel toward the checkout.

Behind the counter sat Madame Duval, a tiny, silver-haired woman with thick glasses, a warm smile, and a knit cardigan that didn’t match her blouse but somehow made her look even more maternal.

“Bonjour, Amelia,” she said, her voice like soft wool. “C’est bon de vous voir.”

Amelia blinked. “Hi.”

She placed the boxes down without flinching. Madame Duval looked down, eyebrows twitching faintly. Then she smiled again, smaller this time. “Ah. I see.”

Amelia didn’t say anything. Just offered a shrug and a half-nod. She wasn’t embarrassed, exactly. It just felt… complicated.

“Would you like a bag?” Madame Duval asked gently. “One that is not see-through?”

“Yes please.”

She packed the boxes neatly, moving with the patience of someone who had known Amelia since she had first moved to Monaco. The first time she had come in for antihistamines, she’d asked in English and apologised for not speaking very clear French. Madame Duval had tutted at her gently and waved it off — “You’re young. You learn.”

She hadn’t expected Amelia to remember all of their conversations. But Amelia did. Down to which shelf the chamomile tea had been on that one rainy day when she came in, red-eyed and overstimulated, asking for something that “made bodies quiet.”

Now, only a couple of years later, the girl she’d watched grow into a woman, all sharp focus and clinical precision, stood with three pregnancy tests in her hand and a face like a still pond. Flat on the surface. Rippling just underneath.

Madame Duval placed a single wrapped chocolate on top of the box in the bag. The fancy kind they kept near the till. “For after. Whatever the result.”

Amelia blinked. “I didn’t—”

“Don’t argue,” Madame Duval said simply. “I know you very well, Amelia. You will enjoy your sweet treat.”

She accepted the bag and nodded, a single sharp dip of her head. “Merci.”

Madame Duval smiled again, knowing, warm. “Bonne chance, ma fille.”

Amelia didn’t translate the words in her head. She didn’t need to. They sank into her like the warmth of a blanket after a cold morning walk.

She left the pharmacy with the bag looped tightly around her wrist and walked the short distance back up the hill toward the apartment. The sea was visible between buildings, a thin slice of blue horizon. Everything smelled faintly of croissants and sunshine and exhaust fumes.

She checked her mental list:

Got the tests.

Got the pastries.

Got the groceries.

Back home, she set the bag down on the kitchen counter and grabbed her laptop.

The tests could wait until Lando was back.

For now, it was just another variable. Logged.

Pending analysis.

—

The door clicked softly behind Lando as he stepped into their Monaco apartment, duffle bag forgotten somewhere between the entrance and the bedroom.

The light was low, just the soft stretch of sunrise brushing over the walls, and Amelia was curled up on their bed in one of his hoodies, half-asleep, laptop still warm next to her leg.

She opened one eye when he crouched beside her. “Hi,” she murmured, voice heavy with sleep.

He didn’t answer right away. Just tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and held up a small paper bag like he’d just won a prize. “Get up, baby,” he said, gently.

Amelia blinked. “Seriously?”

He kissed her temple. “Come on. I need to know if my wife is growing a person.”

She groaned, dragging her hand over her face — but didn’t argue. Not really. She let him pull her upright with a sleepy grumble, let him tug her by the hand toward the bathroom, let him press the test into her hand.

They paused there for a second. Fingers brushing. Her gaze flicked up to meet his.

“You okay?” He asked, voice low now, a little more cautious.

“I’m fine,” she said. Then, with a characteristic deadpan mutter, “I’m tired.”

Lando gave her that crooked little grin, the one that always cracked something open in her. “Right. Go pee on it.”

She rolled her eyes and shut the door.

He sat cross-legged outside, back against the wall. Same way he had the first time she’d let him into her quieter corners; back when they were barely even dating and she couldn’t handle knocks on doors, loud voices, or sudden touches. Back when he learned to ask first and sit with her in the silence.

He waited now, quiet, patient, fingers tapping his knee.

The door creaked open.

She didn’t speak at first. Just stood there holding the test, staring at it.

Lando scrambled to his feet. “Amelia?”

She looked up at him. “It’s positive,” she said, voice soft. Like she wasn’t sure the words could be able to come out of her mouth properly.

Silence fell between them — not tense, not panicked. Just heavy.

She looked back down at the test. Then back at him. Her expression was unreadable for a second, and then… it cracked. Not big. Not loud. Just a subtle unraveling. A tremble in her mouth. Her eyes too bright, but dry.

“I thought I’d feel more in control,” she said quietly. “Like it would just slot into the system. Checklist. Contingency. Risk management.” She held up the test, eyes never leaving it. “But it’s not like that. It’s not a flowchart. It’s not a decision tree. It’s just… me. And you. And this. And I can’t logic my way through it.”

Lando took a slow step forward, voice hushed. “Is it a bad feeling?”

She shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “It’s just… big.”

And then it happened — not a meltdown, not a scene, just her body folding into his with no warning. A silent collapse.

Hands clinging to the front of his hoodie, face buried against his chest, a single shuddering breath breaking out of her like she’d been holding it in for hours. No sobbing. No hysteria. Just quiet overwhelm — the kind that sneaks up and knocks the wind out of you.

Lando wrapped his arms around her instantly, no hesitation.

“Whoa, hey,” he murmured, steady as ever, his hand in her hair. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, love. You’re okay. We’re okay. We’re going to be okay.”

She didn’t answer, just breathed — deep and shaky. Her fingers still clutched the test like a lifeline. Her knuckles were white.

“I’m scared,” she said after a long pause. The words were barely there. “What if I mess it up? What if I do something wrong? What if I’m not good enough to do this?”

Lando pulled back, just enough to look at her. His hands stayed on her waist, grounding her. “Hey,” he said gently, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “Don’t do that. Don’t start doubting yourself now.”

Her eyes flicked away. “I’m not soft. I’m not warm. I don’t… glow. I forget social niceties, I spiral over things like flight plans and tyre temps and socks that don’t feel right. That’s not the kind of person who’s supposed to—” She swallowed. “I don’t know if I’m made for this.”

“Baby. You’re made for anything,” he said, firm now. “You’re made for me. And if our baby ends up anything like you, blunt, brilliant, weird in the best possible way, they’re going to be so lucky. And so am I.”

She let out a sound that was halfway between a breath and a laugh. Her shoulders sagged just a little. “We don’t even know if I’m actually pregnant yet,” she muttered.

He glanced down at the test still in her hand. “Kinda looks like we do.”

Another breath.

She let him take the test and set it gently on the counter, his touch reverent, like it was something fragile and sacred. Then, without a word, he slid his hand into hers and led her back into the bedroom.

She didn’t resist. Didn’t speak. Just let herself be tugged along like driftwood in a current.

Lando climbed into bed first and pulled her down with him, settling them in the tangle of covers she’d only half-kicked off earlier. His arms came around her automatically, looping over her waist and up across her back. He tucked her in close, chin resting against the top of her head, one leg hooked loosely over hers.

Wrapped around her like a blanket. Safe. Heavy in the best way.

They lay like that for a long time. Breathing in sync. No words needed.

Eventually, Amelia spoke. Her voice was quiet — raw around the edges, like she'd surprised even herself with the crack earlier. “I didn’t think I’d cry,” she murmured.

Lando smiled, lips brushing her temple. “I’m glad you did.”

She blinked against his hoodie. “Why?”

He huffed a soft laugh, barely more than a breath. “Because it made it less pathetic that I was crying for a second too.”

Her head tipped back just enough to look up at him. “You were crying?”

“Only a little bit,” he said, mock-defensive. “Like, blinked-a-lot-and-hoped-you-wouldn’t-notice crying. I’m British. I’m subtle.”

“You’re not subtle,” she said flatly.

“No,” he agreed, grin tugging at his mouth. “But I am dramatic, and I’ve been alone for two days imagining every possible outcome and Googling ‘is surprise pregnancy good news if you’re in love and mostly financially stable.’”

Amelia blinked slowly. “You Googled that exact phrase?”

“Yes.”

She snorted. A small, involuntary noise that made his heart squeeze. “What did it say?”

“That the internet is deeply unhelpful,” he said. “And Reddit is a lawless place.”

There was another long pause.

Then she whispered, “I was scared it wouldn’t feel real. That I’d just… log it as data and move on. Like it was just another variable.”

Lando tightened his arms around her. “But it does feel real?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “The second I said it out loud.”

He kissed her forehead. “Good. I don’t think I could’ve handled being more emotional than you about this.”

“You’re always more emotional than me.”

“True. I tried at Bake Off the other day.”

“I know,” she said, and even through the haze of anxiety and confusion and quiet overwhelm, she smiled. “That’s why I married you.”

Lando rested his cheek against her hair, and for a few long seconds, the world outside the blanket of their bed ceased to exist.

“Should we sleep a bit more?” She asked eventually, already halfway there.

He nodded against her. “Yeah. Big day of parenting ahead. Gotta start practicing how to Google more useful things.”

She hummed. “Start with ‘how to tell if your wife is actually going to let herself feel things this time.’”

Lando squeezed her a little tighter. “Already figured it out. Just gotta love her loud enough that she forgets to be afraid.”

She didn’t respond.

But she didn’t pull away either.

—

The clinic’s sliding door whispered closed behind them as Amelia and Lando stepped into the small, clinical room. The nurse smiled warmly, gesturing toward the chair.

“Make yourselves comfortable,” she said, setting out the necessary equipment.

Amelia sat down slowly, her fingers lacing in her lap. Lando stood quietly by her side, watching her with closeness.

“You doing alright, baby?” He asked quietly, voice low enough only for her.

She shrugged, eyes steady. “As alright as I can be.”

Lando reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She held on tight.

The nurse prepped the needle, talking her through it as she did. Amelia kept her gaze fixed on the ceiling, her jaw clenched just enough to show her focus.

When the needle slid in, Lando’s hand moved up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

“There,” he whispered. “Done.”

Amelia exhaled, releasing some of the tension she hadn’t even realised she was holding.

—

Amelia and Lando sat quietly in the small waiting area just outside the testing rooms, the sterile white walls feeling colder than usual. Amelia scrolled absently through her phone while Lando rested his arm around her shoulders, both wrapped in a low hum of nervous energy.

The nurse appeared after what felt like an eternity but was realistically just under an hour. She held a folder in her hand, her expression calm and professional. “Amelia Norris?” She called.

Amelia stood immediately, Lando rising just a half-step behind her, his hand brushing lightly against the small of her back in quiet support.

The nurse, a kind-looking woman in her fifties with kind eyes and soft lines around her mouth, smiled gently as she approached, holding a slim folder in her hands. “Amelia, Lando,” She said warmly. “Your blood test results are back.”

Amelia held herself very still, as if bracing for impact.

The nurse opened the folder and glanced down. “Everything looks healthy, and we did manage to confirm your pregnancy, Amelia.”

For a second, neither of them spoke. Amelia’s breath caught in her throat, her eyes fixed on the nurse but unfocused, as though the words had landed somewhere just behind her.

She blinked once. Twice. “Okay,” she said softly. Just one word, but it sounded like it had taken effort to get it out.

Lando, ever the contrast, let out a breathy laugh; short, quiet, almost disbelieving, and slid his arm around her waist. He gave her a gentle squeeze, grounding them both. “Well,” he murmured, leaning in close, “that’s the official verdict then.”

She didn’t answer right away, just nodded, lips pressing into a line. Her fingers twitched at her side, stimming without even thinking.

The nurse, unfazed by the silence, handed Amelia a printout of the blood-work results. “Everything looks perfectly normal for where you’re at. If you have questions or want to talk about next steps, you’re always welcome to call. We’ll book your first ultrasound soon.”

Amelia’s eyes scanned the paper, already filtering the information into categories in her head — normal levels, nothing flagged, timeline confirmed. Just data. But even with all the logic in the world, she felt the subtle shift in the air. It was real now.

“I can fly to Abu Dhabi?” She asked, sharp and direct.

The nurse nodded. “Yes, you can. You’re still very early. Travel is fine, just make sure you stay hydrated and try to keep your stress levels to a minimum.”

Amelia scoffed out a single breath. “Right. Sure.”

Lando gave the nurse an apologetic smile, stepping in smoothly. “We’ll make sure of it. Water, snacks, earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones, the works.”

The nurse’s smile deepened. “Good man. Just listen to your body, Amelia. That’ll be the trickiest part for you, I think.”

Amelia met her gaze, brows furrowed. “Why? Because I’m autistic?”

“Because you’re used to ignoring and pushing aside your discomfort,” the nurse said kindly. “But yes, that too.”

Amelia blinked, visibly filing that away.

The nurse handed her a card. “Call and make your next appointment as soon as you’re back. That’ll be for your first scan — around gestation week seven. You can ask for me by name if you’d like.”

Amelia took the card, examined the name — “Colette” — and gave the barest nod of approval. “Okay. I will.”

Colette gave them both a final smile. “Take care of each other. And congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Lando said quietly, while Amelia murmured something that might’ve been a “you too” out of sheer social obligation.

As they stepped out of the clinic and into the soft Monaco sunlight, Lando reached over and laced their fingers together. Amelia let him. Didn’t flinch, didn’t pull away. Just walked beside him, her expression unreadable — but her grip on his hand was firm.

He glanced at her as they waited for the elevator. “So.”

She glanced up.

“You’re gonna have to let me look at that report later,” he said. “Just to double-check you’re not secretly growing twins or something.”

Amelia huffed. “I’d know if I were.”

He grinned. “Sure you would.”

—

The private jet hummed softly beneath them, the kind of quiet that came with luxury and familiarity. Amelia had curled up beside the window, iPad balanced on her lap, headphones hanging loosely around her neck. Next to her, Lando was dozing — hoodie pulled up, mouth slightly open, dead to the world.

Across the aisle, Max sat with a protein bar and a very serious frown as he scrolled through Instagram. For all the years they’d known each other, Amelia had rarely seen him sit still this long.

She, however, was very much not still.

Her finger tapped quickly across her iPad screen, eyes scanning an article titled “What To Expect in Your First Trimester.” She had three tabs open; one medical, one forum-based, and one purely dedicated to nutrition. Her nose wrinkled as she read the phrase “morning sickness may begin as early as week six.” She was almost six weeks, according to the timeline Colette had scribbled down.

“Oh, screw that,” she muttered under her breath.

Max leaned slightly toward the aisle and blinked at her screen. “What’re you reading?”

Amelia startled slightly and tilted the iPad instinctively away from him. “Nothing.”

Max tilted his head. “No, I definitely saw the word ‘placenta’ just now.”

Amelia pursed her lips. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

He blinked. Then his eyes went wide. “You’re pregnant.”

“What? No. Don’t be absurd.” Amelia spluttered.

“Your ears are red!” Max pointed out.

“Lots of people have red ears,” she lied boldly.

“Name two people.”

“Um.” She looked around desperately. “Um.”

Max raised a brow.

“Okay, whatever, fine.” She sighed.

He choked on his protein bar, coughing into his sleeve. “So you are pregnant.”

Amelia groaned, setting the iPad facedown on her lap. “You can’t know! I’m not even supposed to know, I don’t think. Google says no one is allowed to know until the second trimester.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know!” She whispered-shouted, flinging her hands up in frustration. “Apparently there's this whole unwritten rule that you’re meant to keep it secret until like week twelve in case things go wrong but also I can’t stop Googling everything because what the hell is a mucus plug and why is it in my body?”

Max looked vaguely alarmed. “Oh, god. That sounds disgusting.”

“Exactly!”

Lando stirred at the noise, cracked one eye open, and muttered, “Did you tell Max?”

“No,” Amelia said at the exact same time Max said, “Absolutely.”

Lando sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face, clearly too tired to argue.

Amelia shifted slightly in her seat, frowning. “Is it weird I don’t feel different yet? Like I thought I’d… know. That there’d be this, I don’t know, gut feeling. Like how I know when it’s going to rain or when Oscar’s about to spin out of a corner.”

Max softened a bit, leaning over the aisle. “Everyone’s different, I think.”

“Yeah, but I already feel behind.” She nudged her iPad back into her lap. “There are apps and charts and... symbiotic uterine developments. It’s like a project I didn’t plan for. And you know how I feel about unplanned variables.”

Lando reached over sleepily and squeezed her hand. “You’re doing fine.”

Max nodded. “Plus, your kid’s gonna have, like, the two most ridiculous godparents in the paddock.”

She blinked at him. “I never said anything about godparents.”

“You will.”

“I might not.”

“You will.”

She rolled her eyes, but a small smile tugged at her mouth.

Then, after a pause, she muttered, “The mucus plug thing is still on my mind.”

Max gagged theatrically, Lando groaned, and Amelia opened another article, determined to understand the entire gestational timeline before they landed.

—

The Abu Dhabi sun was already unbearable by the time they stepped onto the tarmac, the heat pressing down like a hand on the back of her neck. Amelia barely blinked at it. She was too busy focusing on not gagging.

It wasn’t morning sickness. It wasn’t anything that dramatic. There’d been no dramatic sprint to a toilet. Just this constant, low-level nausea that clung to her throat like the aftermath of turbulence. Cloying. Lingering. Like the scent of someone else’s perfume in a closed room.

She clutched her water bottle a little tighter as they walked toward the paddock entrance, sunglasses on, headphones around her neck, McLaren lanyard tucked into the front of her shirt. She wasn’t on duty yet — they were just arriving — but already, her brain was buzzing with briefings and timing windows and tyre strategy for FP1.

Lando walked beside her, one hand on the small of her back, close but casual. He wasn’t smothering her, he never did, but his body was attuned to her like a second radar system. When she slowed for a moment, swallowing hard, he adjusted his pace instantly.

“Still feeling off?” He murmured, quiet so no one around them would hear.

She nodded once, not breaking stride. “Feels like... I’ve had warm milk out of a shoe.”

“That’s a disgusting analogy.” He said, nose twitching.

“I feel disgusting.” She moaned.

Lando gave a small, sympathetic laugh and handed her a peppermint from the stash he’d brought specifically for this. “Want to skip the garage for now? Go to hospitality. Sit down.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said quickly, bluntly. “We land, we go to the garage. That’s the routine.”

He didn’t argue, not really. He just looked at her for a beat longer than usual and nodded. “Okay.”

Max had peeled off earlier, some Red Bull meeting already dragging him into another PR vortex, so it was just the two of them when they reached the McLaren motorhome. Amelia paused for a moment outside the hospitality entrance, letting the air-conditioned breeze spill over her as the door opened and closed in waves.

She stared forward, expression flat.

Then, without looking at him, she muttered, “If I throw up in front of Oscar, I’ll lie and say it’s food poisoning.”

Lando grinned. “You’d lie to Oscar?”

“I lie to Oscar all the time. I tell him the car has good rear grip when I know it doesn’t. I tell him his haircut’s not weird.”

“He knows it’s weird.”

“Then I’m not doing my job properly.”

He kissed the side of her head and ushered her inside.

The nausea didn’t leave; it didn’t even lessen. But she filed it away somewhere behind tyre allocation updates and garage temperature readings. Pushed it back. Compartmentalised.

She had a job to do.

Even if her body, her whole world, had quietly started to change.

—

The garage was its usual symphony of motion, tyre blankets, torque wrenches, low chatter on radios. Amelia stood just behind Oscar’s car, one hand resting on the side-pod, her iPad in the other, watching the data scroll. Her other hand was shoved in her pocket, fingers twisting the small piece of fabric — an old tag from one of Lando’s fireproof undershirts. Grounding. Textural. Familiar.

Oscar was climbing out of the cockpit, unzipping his suit halfway and tugging off his gloves. “How’s it looking?” He asked, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Like you are still lifting off too early into Turn 14,” Amelia replied, not looking up.

Oscar squinted at her. “Nice to see you too.”

She handed him the tablet. “Look at the overlays. You’re lifting fractionally earlier than yesterday.”

“I don’t feel like I am.”

“That’s the thing about data,” she said flatly. “It doesn’t care how you feel.”

Oscar made a face but didn’t argue. He took the tablet and perched on the edge of the front wing as he scrolled. Amelia leaned on the pit gantry behind him, eyes tracking the mechanics, her brain juggling three different timelines.

Tyre test. Race sim. Media obligations.

And nausea. Always the nausea. A thin layer of wrongness settled at the base of her throat.

“You look pale,” Oscar said suddenly.

She flicked her eyes up. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. You good?”

“I’m always good.”

He gave her a suspicious side-eye. “You’ve said that to me before. Usually when you’ve gone two days without sleep.”

She took the iPad back from him. “I’m eating. I’ve slept. I’m hydrated. I’ve had breakfast. What more do you want?”

“Some forgiveness if I don’t get the lift right on the next run?”

Amelia’s lip twitched, barely. “Not happening.”

Oscar didn’t push, but he watched her as she turned back toward the screens. She knew it. Felt his gaze linger.

But she didn’t offer anything more. Not yet. Not when the garage was full of people, and cameras, and microphones always somewhere nearby.

She just reached for her earpiece, shoved it into place, and keyed into the radio with a sharp, clean voice. “Oscar’s ready for the next run. Let’s do race trim, full fuel, softs.”

The engineer on the other end acknowledged her. The crew got moving.

And the nausea, ever present, curled a little tighter in her gut.

Still. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t step back.

Amelia Norris stayed exactly where she was — sharp, unfazed, in control.

—

The air conditioning hummed steadily overhead, and Amelia sat cross-legged in one of the lower chairs, stylus tapping as Oscar muttered something about corner exit balance. She wasn’t entirely listening. Or rather — she was, but her body was staging a full-scale rebellion against her.

The nausea had been background static all day, but now it was cresting into a full wave. Her fingers tightened slightly around the stylus. She blinked twice, tried breathing through her nose. No improvement.

She could hear Lando in the corner, chatting with one of the engineers, blissfully unaware that his wife was currently sweating through her team polo in slow motion.

Oscar nudged her shin with the toe of his socked foot. “You’re quiet. Am I saying something stupid?”

Amelia opened her mouth to answer, but—

Her stomach twisted violently. She slapped the tablet onto the low table and stood up in one movement, but it was too fast, too late.

Her hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide.

And then she doubled over and vomited squarely into the only available container-like object at ground level.

Oscar’s race boots.

The room fell silent.

Oscar blinked once. Then looked down. Then back up at her.

“Well,” he said, with a perfectly dry inflection. “That’s one way to critique my driving.”

Amelia groaned, wiping her mouth on the sleeve of her hoodie. “I’m so sorry,” she managed, breathless. “I— I tried to make it.”

Lando was already at her side, hand on her back, concern etching itself into his features. “Jesus, baby—are you okay? You need to sit down?”

Oscar, meanwhile, remained seated, staring down at the shoes like they might attack him. “Those were custom-moulded.”

“Yeah,” Amelia said weakly, dropping back into the chair. “They’re custom-moulded to hold the exact volume of my stomach contents, apparently.”

“I’m never putting my foot in those again.”

“I’ll get you new ones.”

“You’ll buy me a new digestive system, because I’m never forgetting this.” He frowned.

Amelia finally laughed; a little breathy, a little unhinged. “I hate this,” she muttered, head in her hands.

Lando crouched in front of her, gently brushing her hair back from her face. “You’ve done three days of data crunching and garage shifts while apparently fighting the urge to puke in various footwear,” he said quietly. “Come on, let’s go clean you up.”

Oscar stood up finally, crossing to the corner where someone had mercifully placed paper towels and a bin bag. “Can we agree to never tell anyone about this.”

“Yes,” Amelia agreed.

Lando snorted. “Too late. I already texted Max.”

“You what—?”

“I’m kidding,” he grinned. “But I’m tempted. He’d find this absolutely hilarious.”

—

Amelia was curled up on the end of a low sofa, sipping flat Sprite from a paper cup. The AC was finally hitting just right, and she'd gotten through the rest of the afternoon without projectile vomiting on any more personal items. Progress.

Oscar wandered in, a granola bar half-unwrapped in one hand, still in his race suit tied off at the waist.

He flopped into the chair opposite her, stretched his legs out, and with no preamble at all, said, “Happy pregnancy, by the way.”

Amelia blinked. “Oh,” she said flatly. “So it’s obvious, then.”

Oscar shrugged. “To me? Yeah. You’ve been chewing your pen caps like you’re trying to murder them, you haven’t had coffee in three days, and you were sick in my race boots, so.”

She tilted her head. “That’s a lot of observation for someone who thinks toothpaste is spicy.”

He laughed. “I’m very detail-oriented. And still peeved about my boots.”

She groaned, dragging a hand down her face. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he said, far too magnanimous. “They were hideous anyway.” There was a pause. Then he added, “Honestly, everyone else just assumed it was heat stroke.”

Amelia lifted a brow. “And you didn’t?”

“Nope.” He took a bite of the granola bar. “You go green when you have heat stroke. You went green this time, so I knew it was different.”

She barked a short laugh. “That’s horrifying.”

“And accurate,” he said, chewing. “So… Lando knows, obviously?”

“Yeah. He made me pee on a stick at six in the morning. Then I had to go and get blood drawn to confirm it.”

Oscar winced. “Disgusting. Anyway—congrats, I guess.”

“Thanks. And sorry again about the shoes.”

Oscar leaned back in the chair, arms behind his head like he hadn’t been personally victimised. “Eh. If the kid turns out to be a world champion, I’ll tell this story in the Netflix documentary.”

“Can’t wait,” she deadpanned.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then, with a smirk that was all mischief and no sympathy, Oscar added, “Next time, at least aim for Lando’s sneakers. His fans would pay for them.”

Amelia snorted into her Sprite. “God, you’re vile.”

“I know. And yet you can’t get rid of me,” he said, and stood up, already texting someone; probably Lando.

She groaned again. Loudly.

—

The Yas Marina Circuit always felt like the end of something.

By the time the sun dipped beneath the glowing skyline and the lights snapped on around the track, the paddock was buzzing with the familiar edge of finality. Mechanics moved with that distinct rhythm—half instinct, half exhaustion. Cameras flashed. Engines roared. And on the McLaren pit wall, Amelia sat completely still, headset pressed tight, her eyes fixed on Oscar’s live telemetry.

No one would’ve known she was pregnant. No one would’ve guessed she’d thrown up in her colleague’s race boots less than 24 hours earlier. No one would’ve known that she’d spent the flight to Abu Dhabi Googling “why does pregnancy make you feel like your body is a hostile foreign nation” or that she’d quietly rested her head on Lando’s shoulder for the last twenty minutes of final practice, just to stay upright.

But now? Now she was fine. More than fine. Because when it came to the race, Oscar’s race, she was always prepared to lock in.

Oscar had qualified well. Not perfect, but decent. Enough to put him in the fight.

Lando, meanwhile, had his own race to run, starting P5. Amelia didn’t let herself think about his car in the first ten laps. She’d gotten very good at compartmentalising again. Still, every now and then, she could feel his presence, could hear his voice from earlier:

“One more race. Then we get a break. Then we breathe.”

God, how she wanted to breathe.

The race itself was tense. Ferrari and Mercedes were locked in their Constructors’ battle, chaos unfolding all across the midfield. Amelia kept her voice calm on Oscar’s radio.

“Strat 7, we’re going to offset slightly from Gasly ahead.”

“Understood.”

“Clean exit turn 3. Good traction now. Let’s build.”

He listened. He always listened.

Mid-race, Oscar made an aggressive but beautifully timed overtake, and Amelia let herself smile—just a little.

Lando, a few positions ahead, was holding ground. Quietly, steadily. Nothing dramatic. Amelia could handle steady. Steady felt manageable.

The final laps bled together like watercolour under pressure. Amelia felt her stomach twist, nausea creeping up again. She ignored it. She had work to do.

In the end?

Oscar crossed the line P6.

Lando, P4.

Respectable. Solid. A good end to a hard-fought season.

When Oscar pulled in and killed the engine, Amelia finally took a long breath and peeled off her headset. Her hands were trembling. Whether it was adrenaline, hormones, or just sheer relief, she couldn’t tell.

Lando found her on the pit wall not long after, hair sweaty, fireproofs unzipped halfway.

“Hey,” he said, brushing her shoulder lightly. “You okay?”

She looked at him for a long moment, the smile tugging at her lips slow and almost reluctant.

“I am now.”

He grinned. “We did it.”

She snorted. “You did it. I just puked in Oscar’s boots and managed his brake maps.”

Lando bent down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “You did both with tremendous style.”

Somewhere nearby, champagne exploded. But for Amelia, the noise faded into the background. The season was over. They were having a baby. They’d finished best of the rest.

And the MCL38-AN was going to be an absolute masterpiece. 

[multific]

The One He Writes To

Johnny MacTavish x Reader

Summary: You were only meant to write one letter. A gesture of support. But when Soap writes back, it begins a chain of letters.

You never thought anyone would read it.

The paper felt too clean. The words are too stiff.

But you wrote it anyway, one letter, addressed “To any soldier who needs it”

You wrote about the sky that day. The rain on your window. You thanked them for their service. You told them, whoever they were, that you hoped they were safe. And then you signed it.

Sincerely,

Someone who still believes in letters.

You never expected a reply.

Until one arrived a month later.

Dear ‘Someone,’

Didn’t expect a letter like that, not gonna lie. Most mail we get is dull as shite, but yours made me laugh. Real rain-on-the-glass kind of stuff. I liked it. Made things feel a bit more real. Anyway. My name’s John, but everyone calls me Soap. No, I won’t explain why. That’s classified.

Write back? It’s quiet as hell out here when the bullets stop flying.

Yours (sorta),

Soap.

That was how it began.

One letter turned into two. Then three. Then dozens.

You never even saw his face, he never sent a photo, but his handwriting became something sacred. The sharp angles.

The occasional smudge from a dusty glove.

The way he always signed off: “Yours.” Sometimes “Yours, always.”

He was funny. Witty. Crude in places.

But sometimes, something deeper slipped through. Memories of home. Things he’d lost.

The way he’d describe the sky over foreign mountains like it was poetry, even if he claimed he was shit at writing.

And over time, you started writing about yourself too.

The real things. The ache of being alone. Your fears. Your dreams. Your secrets. And he listened, even through ink and distance.

And then… the letters stopped.

A week went by. Then two. Then five.

You checked the mailbox obsessively, fingers trembling every time it was empty.

You told yourself he was fine. That maybe the base moved. That maybe mail was delayed.

But there was a part of you that wondered if he’d died.

If your last letter, the one where you wrote “I think I might be falling for you” in shaky script, had never made it.

It had been two months.

You were on your porch one late afternoon, arms wrapped around yourself, rereading his last letter.

The sky was gray. Your chest felt empty.

And then you heard it.

Boots on gravel.

And there he was.

Soaked in rain. Hair shorter than you'd imagined. A duffel on his shoulder. Drenched, exhausted, and very much alive.

You dropped the letter.

He didn’t say a word at first.

You barely breathed. “J-John?”

A flicker of relief crossed his face. He nodded, once. “It’s me.”

You ran to him before he could say more, arms flying around his shoulders as he dropped the bag and caught you. You were crying. He was shaking.

“I thought y-you…” you choked.

“I didn’t,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to yours. “I’m here. I’m okay.”

You pulled back just enough to look at him.

To really see him. His eyes were tired but they lit up when he saw you.

“I got shot,” he said quietly. “So, I couldn’t write. Thought about it every day, about you.”

You touched his face, breathless. “I d-didn’t even know w-what you looked like.”

He gave you a soft, crooked smile. “Disappointed?”

You laughed through tears. “N-no. Never.”

His hand found your waist, gentle. “You said in your last letter that you were falling for me.”

You nodded, afraid to speak.

“I fell too,” he whispered. “Months ago.”

He kissed you before you could reply.

It was slow. Real. The kind of kiss you only give someone who knows your soul before your face.

When he pulled back, you were smiling.

He brushed your cheek with a calloused thumb. “Write me again?”

You took his hand and pressed it to your heart.

“Stay,” you said softly. “And I’ll say the words in person from now on.”

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

Wattpad

/DO NOT TRANSLATE, STEAL OR REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[calypsocolada]

MISO SOUP AND SWEET POTATOES | g. tomioka

(click here for part two!)

synopsis: you're tasked with convinicing Giyu to join the Hashira Training author's note: hello. this was a days worth of writing. from 11 am to 3 am. i even wrote parts in my notepad at work. i really like how this turned out. i finished the hashira training arc last night and think that final episode might've been the best episode of anime i have actually ever seen. this is a whole ass story cw: slightly suggestive, major spoilers for rengoku and the hashira training arc, character death, gore, ANGST, fluff, happy ending, fem reader, use of y/n a lil, lover!giyu, hardheaded!reader wc: 6.4k

click here for my masterlist

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“Would you mind talking to Giyu for me? So that Giyu, who tends to put himself into a negative frame of mind can start looking ahead again. Will you be persistent in your efforts to speak with him?” 

You stared at the letter. You reread it again and again and again. Your body still aches from the previous fight in the swordsmith village and you sort of hoped this was a hallucination. That you were still unconscious at the butterfly mansion, the chatter of the nurses in the foreground. But your crow beside you squawked and startled you out of your reverie. You knew it was real. The paper crinkled in your hands. Kagaya’s handwriting, nearly flawless script, smudged slightly from a shaky hand. You followed the trail of his pen again. 

Would you mind speaking to Giyu for me?

You wondered if maybe this letter was accidentally sent to you. Even as your eyes wandered back up to the top of the paper that clearly stated ‘Dear Y/n’. Even if it didn’t say your name there were no accidents with Kagaya. You just wished that this was one. His first and only.  

But… but there had to be an accident. You… Out of everyone, all the Hashira that were certainly closer to Giyu. But you, the newest Hashira, had been chosen to speak with him? In what world did that make any sense? 

You barely knew the guy. 

Granted he had been the reason you joined the corp originally, but he’d dodged your very presence the best he could ever since that day. 

Your village had been attacked about four years ago. Same old story for a lot of people victimized by demons. There was never a happy ending with those monsters involved. Always blood. Always loss. It was no different for you. Half of your family was slaughtered before you could even rouse yourself from sleep. But when you did all you saw was the inkblots of blood on your white walls, the color shining in the cruel moonlight. You remembered sitting up and feeling numb as you heard someone screaming. That scream that never left you. Something you’d never be able to forget for as long as you lived. 

When you got to your feet your mother had busted into your room. She looked pale, blood gushing from beneath her white nightgown. She scooped you up and kissed your head as she stuffed you into the closet, her blood smudged against your pj’s. She shushed your cry’s and told you not to come out until the sun shone beneath the crack in the door. She grabbed you shakily and kissed the top of your head. You didn’t know then it was the last. You reached for her but she pushed your hands back, silently shook her head then pressed the door closed. 

You’d always been a good kid. You stayed put exactly as you’d been told. Even as you heard more screams. Even as it went quiet. 

Only until that sun shone beneath your door did you move. You busted out of that closet. Your mother’s name, the first thing on your lips but she wasn’t the first person you saw. The scene in your house was horrific, the gore the blood, it was unreal. The sight of the people you loved in multiple torn pieces scattered is something that comes back to you in flashes when you fight demons now. 

It spurs you on to do exactly what they did to your family back to them. To tear them to shreds. 

In the middle of it all was a boy. He was sitting so still that you didn’t even notice him amongst the slaughter. Your living room was still dark, dark enough that it kept this monster safe as it rose to its full height. No longer a boy but a creature from your deepest darkest nightmares. It had your family’s blood on its mouth as it smiled a wickedly devilish smile. 

“Hmm. Missed one.” It spoke in a gravelly tone as it swallowed whatever it was chewing on. You could guess what now. You stepped back into your mother’s blood… or maybe your father’s… sister’s… brother’s? The blood, slick beneath your foot as it slid out from underneath you and you crashed into their bodies, something sharp sticking into your side as you gasped in sudden pain. Your mother’s hand still gripped a knife that had now lodged itself in the back of your thigh. The demon only laughed. “Clumsy one aren’t you? Mommy wasted time hiding something so useless.” It growled, approaching with a predatory gleam in its dark eyes. 

When it pounced towards you something momentary took hold of you. You, a measly twelve year old, yanked that knife from your own flesh and thrusted it into the demons eye. The creature roared like nothing you’d heard before as it stumbled back away from you. You just blinked as you watched it, numbness contending with your fear. The creature yanked the knife out and tossed it angrily to the side. It growled, fuming as it charged back at you. You raised your hands to defend yourself, screwing your eyes shut. Mom did waste her time, you thought. You heard the whoosh of something cutting through the air itself and when you opened your eyes the creature had halted its assault. It locked eyes with you moments before its head toppled right off its shoulder, bouncing against the floor. You stared in abject horror as the creature's body started to burn a blood red color, dusting away and a figure behind it. You were as still as a statue as the figure behind it took shape. 

The shape of a boy, he couldn’t have been much older than you. Eyes an indigo blue, dark and almost unfeeling as they met yours. You watched as he gave a quick swipe of his sword to rid it of the demons burning blood as he sheathed it back at his side. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked, his voice young like yours. You weren’t hurt. Somehow. You couldn’t open your mouth to answer him, not with your body still on top of your parents. You just stared at him, even as your eyesight got cloudy and stinging tears slid down your cheeks. 

The boy walked towards you and remained still, unable to move as he bent down in front of you. He reached and clumsily brushed the tears from your face. It was as if he knew you wouldn’t part your lips to speak because wordlessly he, with immaculate ease, picked you up off the corpses and carried you out of the house. You moved for the first time in minutes as your head tilted to look back towards your family. 

“Eyes on me.” He said and sure enough your eyes snapped to him. To take in his face. Eyes endlessly dark blue as they stared forwards. He had to have been your age, maybe a year or two older. He had the shape of a young face, with full cheeks and raven black hair to the nape of his neck. You couldn’t look away, it had nothing to do with his looks but everything to do with his command. 

You were a good kid. When someone told you to do something you did it. Years later you would come to thank Giyu for that, for commanding you to look at him instead of glancing back at what remained of your family. That probably would’ve been another image left haunting you.

Everything after that was just sort of a blur. You stayed some place warm, a faint fire flickering and that boy with the sword stayed with you until some men in black uniforms found you. You remember not being able to walk, the shock and grief of the night not letting you. You’d held onto your saviors shirt, your fist balled. He let you, in fact he even came along with you and the men in black and when they asked you to let go you blinked at them. You hadn’t even noticed you were still holding on. You let go in an instant. Your hand is sore from how tightly you’d been clenching. The men in blacks hands were on your shoulders guiding you away and when you looked back your voice came to you. 

“What’s your name?” You asked, everything paused for you so you could hear his answer. 

“Giyu.” He answered. You put a name to his face. You parted your lips to thank him but nothing came out again. You couldn’t say thanks. Not when you were the only breathing because you cowardly hid in the closet. You felt you didn’t deserve to be thankful. You met his eyes again and something, somehow, told you he understood. He gave you the softest nod of his head and when he turned to leave you felt your heart drop. Like something had bonded you to this boy. But you turned and let yourself be whisked away. 

Time passed slowly. You joined up with the very same people as Giyu had. You were given a sword and trained thoroughly, a fire in you that spurred you on like nothing before. A need to kill. Which is why you eagerly trudged up that mountain to crush the selection test. You spent a few years hopping from mission to mission, gaining a bit of a terrible reputation. Though just how many demon slayers could be friendly? There was one, the man, just a few years older than you. The hashira. With hair like fire and a smile that blinded you. He took interest in you like no one had. Saw something beyond your terribly sour and cold exterior.

A year or so after that you were sent on a mission to help the Water Hashira. You’d never met any other Hashira besides Rengoku so you were sort of apprehensive. You never liked meeting new people. All those years spent with Rengoku and his fiery personality you wished at least some of it had rubbed off on you but… you were still demure and quiet, quick to anger and prone to disappearing. You liked your alone time. You had all but begged Rengoku to let you go with him in his mission, apparently some demon had infested a train, that sounded far more exhilarating than helping some water Hashira you didn’t know. Rengoku did what he always did when you were disappointed. He gave you a sort of unwanted hug, though secretly you wanted and needed it, and ruffled your hair. 

“We’ll see each other in two weeks. Next mission is yours and mine.” He said and then he was gone and you were boarding a train going the opposite way. 

When you arrived, stepping off the train your eyes met the same indigo blue eyes from so many years ago. 

When you were both kids. 

Now both adults. 

You stopped where you stood, unable to walk any closer as everything fled back. Stuff you had managed to keep down deep for so many years. Memories you wanted to erase. All that time wasted and drudged back up in mere seconds. Giyu may have had those same eyes but he was grown now. His hair longer and tied back, his face had lost that boyish roundness. He looked tall and lean. Well at least taller than you. For a moment he looked just as surprised as you but he smoothed over that emotion into something practiced. 

“It is you…” He said, his voice deep and soft. You swallowed, your hand resting on your sword. 

“You’re the water Hashira?” You asked and he nodded his head as the train behind you dinged and slowly pulled out of the stop, the wind blowing your hair over your shoulders. 

“You’re Rengoku’s tsuguko?” At that you nodded your head back at him. His eyes trailed to your sword, to your haori, an old one Rengoku had gifted you. His eyes lingered on that fiery pattern.  

“I never learned your name.” He said and then his eyes flicked to yours. You swallowed dryly, you weren’t sure why he made you so nervous, why your heart was beating so fast. You wondered if he was a part of a life you wanted to die off. The scared girl in the closet was far from who you were now. Rengoku never got to meet that scared girl. No one had. Except Giyu. You told him your name and he repeated it, as if feeling how it felt on his own lips. Your heart skipped a traitorous beat at the way he spoke your name. It felt different coming from him. You grabbed ahold of yourself.

“Shall we?”

But your mission with Giyu was cut off with the sudden death of Rengoku. You and Giyu hadn’t made it back to the village, before both of your crows had delivered the news. You still remembered everything about that moment. Giyu walking beside you, your haori catching a gust of wind, cold wind, as if winter was coming. You could replay your footsteps on the dirt road. The distant flapping of wings growing closer and closer and then stopping as they landed. Your initial glance over at the water Hashira before the delivering of the news. The ripple before the crack in your soul. Giyu had been present for the worst two days of your life. Something about losing someone again that felt like family irrevocably broke something in you all over again. This pain you felt before today you wondered for years if it would last. Rengoku had healed some of it. And begrudgingly and foolishly you let him in. But now you have your answer. This pain would last forever. You couldn’t even cry, you just stared blankly ahead, just as you had in your dark house wrecked with the stench of blood. Everyone died. Everyone you loved died.  

You felt a hand on your shoulder, you didn’t want to look at him.

“Go, I’ll finish the mission.” He said, his voice different, there was a coldness before but now only warmth. You still didn’t look at him as you turned to leave.

“Be careful.” You choked out before taking off in a run back towards the train station. 

You’d seen Giyu a few times after that but only in passing, never long enough to start up a proper conversation though both of you hated talking. You never let anyone else in after that. You took up the position of Fire Hashira and the only thing fiery about you was your utter hatred for demons. The other Hashira were sort of weary of you and that kept them at a distance. You only talked when absolutely needed and was the first to leave after Hashira meetings. You liked that distance. You’d do anything to keep it. There was only so much heartbreak and loss you could take. You were at your limit. You didn’t have room for anyone in your scabbard dying heart. 

That’s why receiving that letter from Kagaya had caught you so off guard. He of all people knew who you were and still he asked you for a favor. Probably a dying wish. He had shown you kindness and since it was the only thing he’d ever asked you for, reluctantly, you found yourself at the front of Giyu’s home. 

It was cold out as your knuckles rapped against the wooden door. You waited, stepped back and looked off to the side, expecting to see Kagaya’s crow lingering around somewhere to report back to him. A minute had passed as you gave one more series of knocks. Nothing. Maybe he wasn’t home. You sighed and turned to leave just as the wooden door clicked and was pulled open. When you turned back those striking blue eyes met yours. There was skepticism on his face as you swallowed. That feeling that met you every time you saw Giyu never seemed to fade. That persistent speeding of your heart. That faltering of words. All highly inconvenient.

“Y/n?” Giyu spoke first, pulling the door open just a tad more. He was in casual clothing, he looked as though he may have just woken up.

“Giyu. I never knew you lived in this part of town.” You stupidly lied. 

“It’s quiet.”

“I can see.” The lack of noise was slightly unsettling, only the rustling of leaves in the wind could be heard. You swallowed. “May I come in?” Your voice was slightly strained and didn’t at all sound like you wanted to do that but to your detriment Giyu moved to the side. Giyu’s home was a reflection of himself. It was clean, almost sterile, with dark walnut furnishings and dark curtains. He really must’ve been sleeping because he reaches over and flicks on a few lanterns, casting an orange glow to his main room. 

“I wasn’t expecting company,” He says over his shoulder and you almost agree.

“Unwanted?” You ask and when he shakes his head ‘no’ you relax sort of. 

“I’ll make us some food. Did you travel long?” He asks as he leads you towards the kitchen. You take a seat at the kitchen island and watch him get to work. 

“Yeah. Long train ride.” You answer as Giyu nods his head. You know he’s probably dying to know why you’re here but you're sure if you told him things would turn sour. You watched Giyu gather ingredients and supplies, he was very orderly about things, kept things nice and clean as he prepared dinner for you both. You had a lot of experience cooking with Rengoku, that man could eat and eat. Just at the thought you felt a pang and forced your face not to show it.

“Do you need help?” 

“That’s alright, you rest.” Giyu intones, setting a cup in front of you as he fills it with hot black tea. You thank him, wrapping your hands around the warm mug. You stare down into the tea for a moment and realize you had no idea how to go about this little favor Kagaya had asked of you. You barely spoke with anyone, you were well out of practice. How genuine would this ask even be coming from you? 

“How’re you?” You asked, not letting yourself be embarrassed by your lack of social skills. Giyu flicks on the stove.

“Do you really want to know?” He asked over his shoulder and stupidly, because he wasn’t even looking at you, you nodded your head before clearing your throat and speaking.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” You hoped that didn’t come out as sharp as it sounded.

“I’m… well. Thank you for asking.” Giyu answered, his monotone answer at war with the words he spoke. He sounded anything but well. You remembered the last Hashira meeting. You remembered Giyu’s back turned as he said, ‘I’m not like the rest of you.’ Unlike Sanemi you didn’t feel angry at that. In fact you knew how that felt. To feel unwelcomed and wanting it to stay that way. 

“If you’re well then I’m well.” You sigh and when Giyu turned, his eyes meeting yours, you felt a flash of how you saw him that first time. You blinked it away as he turned back.

“I didn’t think… you of all the Hashira’s would be the first to visit.” Giyu said, turning back to the stove. You stared at the back of his head. 

“Me neither.” You scoffed with a soft laugh. “But here I am.”

“Here you are.” He says, his voice soft again. It did funny things to you. Funny things that only he could elicit. It was frustrating.

“Giyu…” You trailed off, unsure how to broach the subject. “Did something happen? To make you not want to help out with the Hashira training?” Giyu was quiet for a long moment. You watched him stir some stuff into the pan and for a moment you thought he hadn’t heard you. 

“Can we not… talk about that?” He asks almost kindly. But that’s all you needed to talk about. If you didn’t stay on topic you’d be doing Kagaya a disservice. Though… could you count that as a hardy try?

“Of course.” You answered, fiddling with your hands. You’d left your sword back at the inn you were staying at and wished you’d had it just so you could fiddle with something else. “Though, I apologize but, I almost wish I could sit it out too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Training a bunch of snot nosed kids sounds like hell to me.” You spoke truthfully and watched Giyu’s shoulders rise and fall quickly, almost like he was maybe laughing, but he still wasn't facing you so you wouldn’t know.

“Not a fan?”

“I had my fill with the three from the swordsmith village.” Tanjiro, his little demon sister, Nezuko and Sanemi’s little brother Genya. All a handful. But very capable in a fight. 

“How’re your wounds? I… never got to ask.” Giyu says as he reaches for some seasoning, finally turning to the side to face you.

“Scarring up.” You said and Giyu nodded his head, his eyes drifting to the scar on your cheek.

“Two upper ranks. If anyone could handle them I knew it’d be you.” He says with a sort of gleam in his eye. 

“Can’t take the credit. That red head kid killed one of ‘em while MItsuri and I held off its body. Muichiro took out the other by himself.” You recounted, the fight honestly felt like it would never end.

“You and Kanroji worked together?”

“Surprising, right?”

“Not at all.” Giyu answers. “You two are very alike.”

“In what way?” You almost laughed at that statement. 

“Strong, fierce, never quit.”

“I think we all have that in common.” You say and Giyu gets this look in his eyes as he turns back away. You feel as though you lost some ground. You chew the inside of your cheek. Clearly Giyu doesn’t feel as though he had that in common. Something ignited in you. A need to say something on your mind. “Giyu… I-- I never thanked you.”

“Thanked me?” He echoed.

“I’ve… wrestled with it for a long time. How to… go about it. Kyojuro used to tell me to practice with all the people we met. To thank them for stupid things, like holding the door open or bringing me food. Just so the words didn’t feel so foreign. But I never really felt thankful for you saving me. I lived because my whole family died. Because I hid.” You take in a shaky breath. You’d never talked about this stuff out loud, not even with Rengoku. You felt embarrassed suddenly, shaking your head, you forced out a choked laugh. “Nevermind. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m… rambling.” You felt his eyes on you but you forced yourself to keep looking down at your warm tea. As long as you stayed like this maybe he’d move the conversation along to something else. You cursed yourself for ruining the mood, if there even was one to begin with.

“You don’t have to stop. I… I would like to know more about you. I… always have.” Your eyes shot to his like a knife hitting its mark. Those dark eyes, you could swim in them. Get lost in them. 

Those eyes… could make you feel something. 

That made you shoot to your feet, your tea spilling over. Giyu didn’t startle, he just turned to grab a rag but when he turned back you were halfway to the front door. He dropped the towel on the table. 

“W-wait!” He called to you but when he rounded into the main room the front door slammed closed. 

You fumbled outside, steps clumsy as you started to run and run. You didn’t want to think about it. You had to get away, as far as those legs of yours could take you. You could run to the next town over, retrieve your sword in the morning and never speak to the water hashira again. Never again. Favor be damned. What you felt was dangerous. That kind of thing left you the hollow husk you were today. You preferred this safe loneliness. You couldn’t ever be hurt again. You stopped for a moment, the cold air tough to run in as you huffed and puffed out condensation clouds.

“You’re fast.” You hadn’t even heard his approach. You didn’t turn, just swallowed.

“I- realized I have an early train. Can’t stay out late.”

“Come back... Please.” His voice was doing that soft thing you body liked so much. You clenched your jaw, if you could stab your heart you would.

“I can’t.”

“Why? And… tell me the truth.” You heard him walk a bit closer. Please, you thought, just go back home.

“Maybe you’re right. What you said at the last meeting, that you’re not like us other Hashira. Maybe I just realized it.” You wanted to hurt him, it was a common defense you used quite often. 

“And?”

“And I’m wasting my time speaking with someone who’d rather sit on the sidelines.” You spat over your shoulder. That’ll do it, you thought, that’ll get him to leave. It was quiet, heartbreakingly quiet and you were too much of a coward to see the hurt you caused so you started to walk away towards your inn.

“You… can hate me.” You stopped walking instantly and turned, Giyu looked stricken, as if you slapped him. You regretted turning around. “You can hate me all you want. Yell at me, hit me, whatever you want to do. But I need you to know… you might regret me saving you but I’ll never regret saving you.”

“Giyu,”

“Please… let me.” He straightened slightly. “I… am amazed by you.” His words hit you like the sharpest sting. Like a knife in the gut that slowly twists. “You’re incredible, nothing ever could rival you. You… lost so many yet you fight with purpose. I could never be like you.” You tense your jaw, eyes sharp. 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” You take a step towards him. “I am hateful. I don’t have a purpose to fight anymore I just do it because it needs to be done. You don’t know me at all.”

“Maybe I don’t. But… I want to.”

“Why?”

“I’m not succinct.” Giyu sighs, as if tired. “I just do.” Want to know you. You stared at him and that traitorous heart of yours, that naive heart did another flip. You shook your head. 

“You don’t. No one does.”

“Rengoku did.” Your eyes lit like fire, some heat filling your soul. You wanted to yell at him for saying his name. For bringing him into this. But you’d done it first. 

“He’s dead. They all are. My whole family. I don’t want to know you. I don’t want you to know me. I want you to go back home and let me be.” 

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Maybe for the same reason your eyes find mine every time we're in the same room.” Giyu took a step closer, you watched him move as though he was going to strike through your heart. Like he was going for a killing blow.

“I… I don’t do that.” The lie was so obvious to your ears it almost made you cringe outwardly. 

“I’m not trying to embarrass you. I look for you in every room. I… I lied to you the second time we saw each other so many years ago I… I knew you were Rengoku’s tsuguko because he’d written to me. He… sensed something and told me he was sending you to me for that mission. I was so… so damn nervous to see you again after so many years. So curious about how you were faring and I couldn’t even get more than fifteen words out. And when Rengoku passed I would write Kagaya, ask him how you were because I was too much of a coward to ask you myself.” 

That’s why Kagaya wrote to you. 

Your heart beat, skipped a beat then beat again. Everything was falling into place. Why Rengoku had sent you away when you had always gone on missions with him. The scheming man was playing matchmaker. And even Kagaya was playing the same damn game. 

“Don’t say anything else, Giyu. Please.”

“I won’t speak the rest of the night if you come back. You can even leave at first light. Just please… let me feed you and give you a place to sleep.”

“My inn isn’t too far.”

“Please.” The emotion in his voice was staggering. It was a plea. It had sounded like something he needed even more than breathing. You stared at him. If you went with him now that would be the very first crack in your walls. You never gave an inch away since Rengoku died and if you started now everything would crumble.

“No. I’m going back to my inn.”

“I’ll join the hashira training.” He said and your lips parted in silent surprise. “That’s why you came tonight wasn’t it? You’d never do it alone so Kagaya must’ve written to you? Am I right?” Your face must’ve given away the answer because Giyu continued and you realized right here and now this is the most you two have ever talked. An hour together had more dialogue than almost eight years. And this was why you kept your distance all these years. Because if anyone knew you it was Giyu, he’d seen you at your lowest yet here he was… begging you to stay for just a few hours. “Come back and I’ll join. You can consider your task a success.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I’d do it for you.”

“Be serious.” You growled and Giyu took another step forward. You hadn’t noticed him getting so close but suddenly he was close enough to touch. You stepped back. 

“Come back. Please.”

“You’re annoyingly persistent.”

“I just want you safe. That’s all.”

“You already saved me once. That’s enough.” You condemned with a shake of your head. Giyu looked doubtful for a moment, unsure of how to convince you to come back. But if you made good on Kaguya's favor this could be the end of it. “I’ll come back.” His eyes shot up to yours. “But I’m gone first light.” He nodded his head at that. 

Giyu finished up dinner as you set the table. It was quiet between you two after everything. Giyu had all but confessed the real depth of his feelings but you had an idea and it wasn’t something you’d let yourself dwell on. That idea was something close to hope. Something close to a degree of happiness. That’s not something you wanted. Not something you’d let yourself have. If there was one thing you were truly good at, it was self destruction. 

You took your seat as Giyu placed down the food. Miso soup with sweet potatoes. You stared at it, stricken. Rengoku’s favorite meal. 

“Hey… you alright?” 

“Seriously? That was at least your sixth bowl.” You huffed. Rengoku smirked as he pulled the bowl to his lips, slurping down the rest of its contents. He placed it down and reached for the ladle again. You watched him in amused surprise as he dulled out a seventh bowl. “You’re overgorging yourself.”

“It’s too good. Who taught you to cook, kid?” 

“You did.” You sighed with an eyeroll as Rengoku laughed heartily.

“Ah! That’s right I did.”

You blinked a few times and suddenly your face felt wet. You pressed a hand to your cheek. You hadn’t cried since losing your parents. You thought you were incapable, that you had exhausted your tear ducts at night. You hadn’t cried when you lost Rengoku and you always felt inhuman because of it. You looked across the table and met Giyu’s wide eyed stare, he looked startled at your tears.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and you couldn’t stop the tears now. They fell so fluidly, so overwhelmingly. You tried to apologize but your words just came out in stuttered croaks in your throat. Giyu stood so fast he knocked his chair over as he crossed to the other side of the table. He dropped to his knees beside you and pulled you to him. Rengoku hugged you a lot. You’d say it was unwanted but it was something you needed. Giyu’s arms around you felt different. He hugged you close to his chest, his hand tangled in your hair as you fell prey to your emotions. But startlingly so… it felt nice. Bottling things up for so long had very nearly ended you and you might’ve been able to really shut off your humanity if it hadn't been for that damned letter. 

If it hadn't been for Rengoku’s unending kindness. 

If it hadn't been for Giyu’s persistence. 

You could’ve nearly ended up as black hearted as the demon that flipped your life upside down. That was the most startling revelation of them all.

Giyu hugged you tight as you fell to pieces. He didn’t let go, never even loosened his arms a little bit around you. He just held you and let you cry and cry. It should’ve been embarrassing but as he pulled your hair back out of your face and wiped your wet cheeks there wasn’t an ounce of that annoying sympathy in his eyes. Just utter understanding. And this was the most inopportune time, seeing as your eyes were probably bloodshot, nose probably running like crazy, but without thinking you sucked in a ragged breath and then surged forwards and pressed your mouth to his. Giyu made a sound in his throat, you felt his arms around you tighten, drawing you in, deepening the kiss. 

This wasn’t something you knew of. 

Your parent’s pecked each other’s lips and cheeks but this… no this was something for behind closed doors. For just you two. That fire that pooled in your stomach upon seeing Giyu had heightened at least tenfold when he pulled you into his lap. Your bodies pressed against one anothers, no room, not even a milimeter’s length of space. He kissed you softly, but you kissed him back hard, untrained, unknowing. That chasm of loneliness in you had reached its peak and you wanted it gone, you wanted it filled. He gently ran his hand through your hair and you balled your fist in his shirt. He gently lowered you back and kissed you against the hardwood flooring of his kitchen. 

You shoved your chair away from you both and hooked your legs around his hips. He made another sound and you found that you liked it so you tightened your hold and slid your hand in his hair. That awarded you another sound, like a whimper. When he pulled back for air you yanked him by the hair back to your lips. Fuck air. You didn’t need that. You’d rather breathe him in. He whimpered again, his hips mindlessly moving, sending a wave of heat through you and this time it was your turn to groan. He hooked an arm around your back and with strength and swiftness, he hoisted you up off the floor without even breaking the kiss. You gasped in surprise and he walked you through the hallway. Kissing you against the wall and the door and the dresser before he finally made it to his bed. 

You two fell into the softness of his covers, his body trapping you beneath him. He trailed his lips away from yours and you whimpered at the loss of contact. But he kissed both your cheeks, your forehead, the tip of your nose and to your jaw. He paid extra attention to your neck before kissing your collar bones. He kissed his way down your body. Kissing your scars that had once been an eyesore to you. Ever so gently tracing some absentmindedly with his other hand. Whatever growing between you two was something to be earned. Sure you loved Giyu but you needed more time with him. You spent eight years barely speaking. You could tell Giyu felt that too because when his lips met yours again and pulled back you both blinked tiredly at one another. 

Astonishingly you watched the softest of smiles spread across Giyu’s face. You wanted to catalog this moment forever. To remember it till the day you died. Giyu pressed one last kiss to your forehead and then dropped beside you on the bed. He pulled you to him, your back pressed to his front. Your legs tangled as his hand reached across you and intertwined with yours. You blushed but settled against him. The dregs of sleep calling for you. You two didn’t need to speak another word.  

You watched the first light roll in through Giyu’s curtains. It shone like blades across his room. Giyu softly snored beside you, arms still around your body. You’d never kissed a single soul before but you knew what a kiss meant. You knew whenever your dad kissed your mom or the other way around that it was an unspoken way to say I love you. But it was a different kind of love your parents shared. You loved your family. You loved Rengoku. 

But you loved Giyu. 

You loved him as you clamped your fist in his shirt the night he saved you. You loved him when you stepped off that train. You loved him at every hashira meeting and every stolen glance. You loved him as you read Kagaya’s letter and loved him when he opened the door. As he chased you down in the street and begged you to come back to his home. So many problems never go away, some pain felt as though it would last forever and you never thought you could break through. You never thought you could just grow around it, because nothing was more persistent than a plant in the presence of the sun. You never told Rengoku you loved him, never told him how much he meant to you and that his kindness never fell to deaf ears. You had spent eight years loving Giyu and not letting yourself know it.

And all it took was a damn bowl of miso soup and sweet potatoes.

[july-19th-club]

a while back i read jane eyre for the first time since high school in anticipation of watching the 2006 wilson/stephens miniseries. it's incredible to reread these classic novels as an adult, because while i got all the words and understood the *content* as a teenager, i didn't at all find the book interesting or fun to read. anyway i think one of the reasons that book stood the test of time isn't so much the gothic intrigue and how fucked up rochester and his wife are . he sucks so bad in so many ways . but he keeps needing rescued from stuff and only jane can do it . he fucking breaks an ankle falling off a horse early in her employment with him and she's the one who helps him back to the house . his attic wife sets his bedroom on fire and jane's the one who finds him and puts it out before he dies of smoke inhalation . then attic wife sets the house on fire after jane leaves and the whole place burns to the ground, grievous death and permanent injuries, etc, etc. jane comes back yippee everything's okay again! austen heroes don't get wounded like that because they're far too sedate and busy engaging in social seasons and heathcliff is like not wounded physically so much as destroyed emotionally . but this dude strikes the balance for readers who best enjoy when a man is collapsing of various problems and literally cant survive a day without some governess to pour water on his four-poster so he doesn't fry to a crisp

ALSO . i particularly was interested in the passages just after jane first meets him where she talks a lot about how if he was a normal polite person, or even just like a normal Lord with like, a sense of propriety and good manor house manners, she'd have been shy and awkward and uncomfortable and would have hated him. but i think where some interpretations get it wrong is that she doesn't think his rudeness is HOT. she thinks it's good for her own confidence, in that she knows her own self-esteem and social comfort levels are so low that all the scripts of peerage and society make her crawl into herself and disappear. she doesn't know how to follow the scripts convincingly, she's been emotionally abused her whole life so she has no sense of self-worth, but he doesn't follow the script. which means she doesn't have to worry about following it either. which does wonders for her confidence levels because when she can just act in ways that make sense to her rather than second-guessing whether she will be Approved Of, she can actually be a person. and that's what she first appreciates about him: his ability to (more or less without trying or even noticing) facilitate that for her.

"The incident had occurred and was gone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a monotonous life. My help had been needed and claimed; I had given it: I was pleased to have done something, trivial, transitory though the deed was, it was yet an active thing, and I was weary of an existence all passive."

[favefandomimagines]

All Of The Girls You Loved Before (j.b)

Summary: being long distance in a high profile relationship definitely has its downsides

AN: this is in the same universe as my other Joe Burrow fic! Maybe I’ll write more for the obx actress!reader x Joe Burrow

Y/N shifted on the couch, her script spread across her lap, but her mind wasn’t on the scene. It hadn’t been all day. She reread the same line three times before groaning and tossing the script aside. The tension with Joe had consumed her thoughts since their fight.

Their phone calls had been strained lately, and she had chalked it up to the Bengals' rough season. Joe didn’t talk much about his struggles, but she could sense them in his clipped tone and the way he avoided certain questions. She’d known dating an NFL quarterback would come with unique challenges, but she hadn’t anticipated how isolating it would feel when he withdrew.

The fight two nights ago still stung.

They had started the call with light conversation, her asking about practice and him asking about her day on set. But as usual, his mood shifted.

“Another tough day?” she asked gently when he grew quiet.

“Something like that,” Joe muttered.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No, not really.”

The curt response stung, but she tried to push through. “Joe, you know you can tell me anything, right? I want to be here for you.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Y/N,” he snapped.

She blinked, caught off guard. His tone was sharp, harsher than she’d ever heard from him before.

“Okay,” she said, her voice carefully measured. “But you can’t keep shutting me out. If you’re frustrated, don’t take it out on me.”

Joe let out a frustrated breath. “I’m not taking it out on you. Why do you always think everything’s about you?”

The words hit like a slap.

“Excuse me?” she said, her voice rising.

“You heard me,” Joe replied, his tone defensive now. “I’m allowed to have a bad day without you making it worse.”

She stood up, pacing her small living room as she gripped the phone tighter. “Making it worse? Are you serious right now? Joe, I’ve been nothing but supportive, but I’m not going to sit here and let you treat me like I’m part of the problem!”

“I’m not treating you like anything!”

“Yes, you are!” she shouted. “And you know what? Maybe I’ll stop asking how you’re doing. Maybe I’ll stop caring, since it’s so damn inconvenient for you.”

Joe went silent for a moment. “You’re being dramatic.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I have a right to be! Call me back when you’re ready to act like a grown-up.”

She hung up before he could respond, her chest heaving.

Now, days later, she replayed the fight over and over. Was she dramatic? She didn’t think so. She had only wanted to help, to understand what he was going through. But the way he spoke to her… it wasn’t okay.

Her phone buzzed on the table, and her heart jumped. It wasn’t Joe. Just her friend Madelyn texting about plans for the weekend. Y/N sighed, her chest tightening with disappointment.

She missed him. Despite everything, she missed the way he made her laugh when they were together, the way he’d send her silly memes in the middle of the day, the way he’d whisper ‘goodnight, gorgeous’ before falling asleep on the phone with her.

But she wasn’t going to chase after him. He needed to meet her halfway.

As she stared at her phone, willing it to light up with his name, she wondered if their relationship could weather the storm they were in—or if it was already too late.

||

Y/N sat curled up on the couch in her trailer, a blanket draped over her legs. Filming had wrapped earlier than usual, and instead of heading out with her Outer Banks castmates for dinner, she had opted to spend the evening alone. She had barely spoken to Joe since their argument, and the weight of their silence was beginning to feel unbearable.

She opened Instagram to distract herself, scrolling mindlessly through her feed. Fan accounts, cast photos, and behind-the-scenes snapshots blurred together until her thumb froze over a post.

A drama account she didn’t even follow had posted a photo of Joe standing outside a restaurant.

Her breath hitched as she processed the image. There he was, unmistakably Joe, in his signature black hoodie and jeans. Next to him stood his ex-girlfriend. The caption read:

Spotted: Joe Burrow reconnecting with his ex outside a Cincinnati hotspot. Old flames reigniting?

Y/N’s stomach dropped.

The photo wasn’t damning in itself—Joe was standing a few feet away from his ex, his hands shoved into his hoodie pocket, his posture casual. But the sight of them together, even in such a neutral context, was enough to ignite the insecurities she had been suppressing since the beginning of their relationship.

Joe’s ex had been part of his life during a time when everything seemed to be falling into place for him—his Heisman-winning season at LSU, his rise to fame, his transition to the NFL. Y/N had always felt like a footnote in comparison to someone who had been there for the “glory days.”

She opened the comments, against her better judgment.

They look so good together.

I knew it! He and Y/N didn’t seem like a good match.

Y/N could never compare to her.

Her heart twisted painfully as she locked her phone and set it down beside her. For a moment, she tried to rationalize it. Maybe it wasn’t what it looked like. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe—

Her thoughts spiraled as doubt crept in. Joe hadn’t called her since their fight. He hadn’t tried to make amends or even check in. What if he had gone to his ex for comfort? What if he missed the simplicity of a relationship that wasn’t long-distance and riddled with the challenges of their demanding careers?

She picked up her phone again, staring at his contact name.

“Just call him,” she muttered to herself.

But she didn’t.

Y/N hated how the fight had left things between them. She hated how the silence had stretched into days. But most of all, she hated how vulnerable the photo made her feel. This wasn’t her—jealousy wasn’t an emotion she wore well. She prided herself on being confident and independent, on trusting Joe and the bond they had built.

Still, the photo lingered in her mind like an itch she couldn’t scratch. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw them together, and the doubts whispered louder.

She poured herself a glass of wine and sank deeper into the couch, replaying the past six months in her mind. Joe had never given her a reason to doubt him before. He was loyal and grounded, far from the egotistical superstar he could easily have become. But the distance between them—and the way he had pulled away after their fight—left her questioning everything.

Hours passed, and by the time Y/N went to bed, her resolve was firm.

If Joe wanted to explain himself, he’d have to be the one to reach out.

||

Y/N was sitting at her kitchen counter, sipping her second cup of coffee and scrolling aimlessly through her phone, when it buzzed. The name on the screen sent her heart lurching: Joe.

For a moment, she stared at it, debating whether to answer. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear what he had to say—or if she wanted to. But the call persisted, and with a deep breath, she swiped to answer.

“Hey,” she said, her voice cool, but betraying a tinge of nerves.

“Hey,” Joe replied softly. His tone was different, gentler, like he knew he had some explaining to do.

An awkward silence stretched between them. Y/N didn’t know whether to start or let him speak first. She tapped her fingers against the countertop, waiting.

“I, uh, I figured you might’ve seen that photo,” Joe finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I saw it,” she replied tersely. “Kind of hard to avoid it when I’m being tagged in the comments every 30 seconds.”

Joe sighed. “I need you to know that whoever took that picture posted it without any context.”

“Okay,” she said cautiously. “Then give me the context.”

He hesitated for a moment, and she could hear him take a breath. “I was leaving a restaurant with Ja’Marr. We’d grabbed dinner after practice. As we were walking out, I ran into her. She was coming in. We said hi, and that was it.”

“That was it?”

“Yeah. That was it. I didn’t even stay to talk—I left right after.”

Y/N leaned back against her chair, her mind working through his words. The explanation made sense, and Joe didn’t sound defensive or evasive. But the sight of the photo had opened a wound she didn’t know was still there.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly after a moment.

“I thought about it,” Joe admitted. “But after our fight, I didn’t want to make things worse. I figured we needed some space, and I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“It is a big deal, Joe,” she said, her voice trembling slightly. “She’s the one person I’ve always been insecure about. And then I see a picture of you with her, and you don’t even think to give me a heads-up?”

“I get it,” Joe said quickly. “I should’ve told you. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I was just trying to give you space.”

“Well, it didn’t help,” Y/N said bluntly, though her voice had softened.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice earnest. “I swear to you, there’s nothing there. You’re the only one I want to be with, Y/N. You have to believe that.”

She sighed, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. “I do believe you. I just… I don’t like how things have been between us lately. We barely talk anymore, and when we do, it’s like you’re a million miles away.”

“I know,” Joe said, his tone heavy with regret. “I’ve been caught up in my own head, and that’s not fair to you. You’ve been nothing but patient with me, and I’ve taken that for granted. I’m sorry, Y/N. For everything.”

His words melted away the last of her defenses. She missed him, missed the warmth in his voice when they talked, missed the way he made her feel like the only person in the world who mattered.

“I missed you,” she admitted softly.

“I missed you too,” Joe said, his voice tender. “So much. I hate how things have been between us. Can we fix this? I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me,” she assured him, a small smile creeping onto her face. “But you have to promise me one thing.”

“Anything,” he said quickly.

“No more shutting me out. Even when things are tough, I need you to let me in.”

“I promise,” he said without hesitation. “I’ll do better, Y/N. I mean it.”

For the first time in days, Y/N felt a weight lift off her chest. Things weren’t perfect, but they were talking, and that was a start.

“Good,” she said, her voice lightening. “Because I’m not going anywhere, Joe.”

“Neither am I,” he said. “And I’m going to make it up to you. Just wait and see.”

As they ended the call, Y/N felt a spark of hope. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but neither of them wanted to give up on it—and for her, that was enough.

The weeks that followed their reconciliation were a whirlwind for both Y/N and Joe. They fell back into a rhythm of late-night phone calls and spontaneous FaceTime sessions, sharing moments from their hectic lives.

Joe’s mood had lightened, and while the Bengals' season still had its ups and downs, he made good on his promise to let Y/N in.

But as they navigated the challenges of distance, the world outside their relationship remained relentless. Y/N was on set in Charleston, finishing a long day of shooting, when she received a text from Madelyn.

Have you seen this?

Attached was a link to yet another drama account post. Y/N hesitated before clicking, already bracing herself for the worst.

The photo that loaded onto her screen showed her walking alongside her co-star Drew Starkey, both of them smiling under the warm South Carolina sun. The caption read:

Y/N spotted holding hands with Drew Starkey during an off-day in Charleston. Sparks flying on and off the screen?

Y/N blinked, scrolling down to the comments, her stomach sinking.

They look so cute together!

Drew > Joe, no offense.

Poor Joe. Long-distance never works anyway.

Her jaw clenched. She remembered the day the photo was taken—just two days ago. The cast had gone out for lunch as a group during a rare break in their filming schedule. Drew had walked beside her, but they hadn’t been holding hands. That part was completely fabricated.

She hated how easily people could twist something innocent into a narrative that didn’t exist.

Her phone buzzed again, this time with a call from Joe. She stared at the screen, her heart racing. Of course he’d seen it. She could only imagine what he was thinking.

Taking a deep breath, she answered. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Joe said, his tone calm but strained. “So, I saw the post.”

“I figured,” she said softly. “Joe, it’s not true. I wasn’t holding hands with Drew. That whole thing is made up.”

“I believe you,” he said quickly, and she could hear the sincerity in his voice. “I know how these accounts work. It’s just… I hate seeing stuff like that. You’re out there living your life, and I’m stuck here. It’s hard not to feel… I don’t know. Insecure, I guess.”

Her heart ached at his vulnerability. Joe was always so steady, so sure of himself, and hearing him admit to feeling insecure reminded her that even he had his moments of doubt.

“Joe,” she said gently, “you don’t have to feel that way. Drew is just a friend. That day, the whole cast went out. It wasn’t just him and I.”

“I know,” he said, though his voice was still tight. “It’s just hard, you know? I’m not there with you. I wouldn’t blame you if you… I don’t know, wanted to be with someone who’s actually around.”

“That’s not what I want,” she said firmly. “Joe, listen to me. I don’t care about anyone else. I care about you. Only you.”

He was quiet for a moment, and she could hear him let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get to me.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “But you have to trust me. Just like I trust you.”

“I do,” he said softly. “I trust you, Y/N. I just hate that we’re apart so much. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

The words hovered on the tip of her tongue. She hadn’t said them before, and neither had he. But now, after everything, it felt like the right moment.

“I love you, Joe,” she said, her voice steady despite the nerves coursing through her.

The line went silent for a beat, and she held her breath.

“I love you too,” he finally said, his voice filled with warmth. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. I just didn’t want to scare you off.”

She let out a soft laugh, relief washing over her. “You could never scare me off.”

They stayed on the phone for hours, the conversation shifting from deep confessions to light hearted banter. For the first time in weeks, Y/N felt completely at ease, knowing that no rumor or distance could shake the foundation they had built together.

joeyb_9: Her y/nofficial

1M Likes

username: I knew him and Y/N were still together!!!

username: my parents

username: if he’s taken, I’m glad it’s by her

username: you know she’s the one when he posts about her! he never does this

y/nofficial: 🤍🤍

y/nofficial: Him joeyb_9

1M Likes

*limited comments*

madelyncline: um mom and dad?

madisonbailey: 🥹😍

username: I am rooting for them until the end of time

username: I may hate the bengals but I love Joe and Y/N together

joeyb_9: you’re it

username: SHUT TF UP

username: THEYRE TOO FUCKING CUTE

[problematicraccoon]

PSA: you dont /have/ to reread your script before you shift!! your higher self is /not/ gonna "forget" your desires or the world you want to shift to. think of it like cloud storage. it has everything you want downloaded and protected, and it will stay that way forever.

if you just personally enjoy rereading your script, then go ahead, power to you. i love doing that as well, it makes me feel connected to where i wanna go. but just relax in the fact that you /wont/ just forget it. your higher self wont forget any detail of your dr, not even the itty bitty things. it has a perfect, infallible memory. you have to trust it, because its you. you are not your body, you're a soul living inside a body. just because your human brain cant perfectly recite every line of your script verbatim, doesnt mean you're gonna accidentally end up in the backrooms. let go of the stress babes, you've got this <3