#blameitonthebleach

[blameitonthebleach]

Headcanon: Shunsui will absolutely abuse his Head Captain authority to visit you wherever you may be in the Seireitei. For example, random office or barrack "inspections" just to come see you, pester you a bit, make you laugh, maybe kiss the top of your head or bring you flowers or a snack.

And then you eventually shoo him out because you have work to do.

I love him, your honor.

[blameitonthebleach]

After joining the Bleach imagines scene, I've definitely noticed a rise in my love for Kensei. I never disliked him at all, but I never liked him like this. All because of writers like you, @buriedinbleach, who weave fantastically juicy tales like this. Shunsui is still the love of my life, of course, but Kensei is yummy~

PS I always think your icon is Hidan from Naruto? Lol

You are amazing! Please fill my pervy mind with images of Kensei spending alone time with himself. I need to know all the details! Thank you for doing god's work 😁

Um… I love this. So delicious! I’m so glad there’s so many people that share my overwhelming thirst for that babe. Bless. This got a bit long too. Forgive me, I love him and got carried away. Its part HC, with a dash of smutty drabble at the end because I lack impulse control and we all know what kinda detailed smut you expect from me by now.

Let’s go over a day in the life of Kensei while you’re away, shall we? We shall. Just know, your absence affects a lot of shinigami - not just Kensei.

*You just had to go off on a mission and leave him at home by himself, didn’t you? Well, its your job, of course you did. Kensei has a high sense of duty and honor, so he understands. But that sure as shit doesn’t mean he has to like it, ok? How the hell is the poor man supposed to sleep now? He’s gotten used to having you snuggled up around his body at night - he likes it - and now he’s on his own until you get back. What the hell is he supposed to do by himself?!

*As previously established, Kensei has a high sex drive. I’ll say it again: High. So it wouldn’t take long for the nagging itch to start needling his body, making him even more edgy and irritable than normal. But Kensei also prides himself on his resistance and ability to delay gratification (he’s a pro), so he’s not going to give in easily. He’s a Captain. He has shit to do, damnit.

*Kensei is an early riser, even more so when he’s been lying awake half the night because his cuddle buddy is gone. (Kensei: “Shinji, you’re a dead man if you ever mention you heard that. Dead.”) So he’ll make himself a quick morning protein shake and head down to his home gym for a lengthy workout - blasting Pantera, scowling adorably while he puts those muscles through the ringer.

*After some good exercise, he’ll squeeze in a quick cold shower. The water was a normal temperature for all of two seconds, but as he faced the wall, his thoughts inevitably trailed back to the shower you took together yesterday morning before you left. He picked you up and held you against the smooth tiles, railing you nice and slow while you gripped his shoulders. He can still see the faint red, crescent shaped marks from your nails. Still feel you clenching around him, hear you crying out… ‘Shit. No time, I’m gonna be late.’

*Work is rough. For everyone. You were kind enough (to the rest of the Ninth) to send Shuhei a quick message when you received your mission orders though. He’s been around long enough to read the early warning signs of Kensei’s moods and knows that any significant absence from you makes for one seriously grumpy Captain Muguruma. (Note: you’ve been gone roughly 24 hours at this point. And that counts as significant absence in Kensei’s book.)

-Mashiro is absolutely banned from approaching within 50 feet of Kensei. Shuhei takes it upon himself to give her the day off. She doesn’t argue and for once, Kensei doesn’t ask where she went. Its a winning combination.

-The rest of the division isn’t so lucky. The effects of the strenuous workout Kensei put himself through that morning have mostly worn off. The sound of leather cracking as he clenches and unclenches his fists can only mean one thing: Extra Training. All Day. For Everyone. No Excuses, pansies.

-By the time Kensei is finished with them, a third of his division is visiting the Fourth for medical treatment. Kenpachi would be proud. Their injuries range from minor scrapes and bruises, to a few serious gashes and broken bones. More than half the shinigami receiving treatment are merely faking it in order to escape any more punishment from Kensei.

*Eventually, he’ll have to return home though. Still very much alone. He’ll make himself dinner, read over the mission reports he brought home to pass the time, then eventually head off to bed when he’s run out of other things to do. But in your shared bedroom, he can’t stop himself from thinking about you anymore.

*Kensei’s first hint of trouble comes as soon as he drops down into bed. Your scent surrounds him, as if its woven into the threads of the fabric. He’ll tilt his head to your side of the bed, discreetly smelling your pillow. He might be alone, but he’s not about to admit how much he’s missing you - even if its only to himself. Kensei takes a long, deep breath and holds it, picturing you before exhaling. Your face, your smile, your laugh, even the satisfied smirk you’d be giving him if you knew what he was doing and how much he’s missed you… he’s already half-hard. Fuck.

*He’ll grit his teeth, mentally admitting defeat, and reach for his phone - quickly preparing to type out a message, or dial your number just to hear your voice, but he stops himself. Once more, he can hear your teasing voice delighted with his current ‘predicament’. It sounds so clear, Kensei could swear you were right there with him:

“Are you that excited just thinking about me? You’re already hard, babe.” He can picture your confident smile, feel the heat from your body as you prowl up the bed over him. Imaginary or not, the warmth of your lips - your tongue - as you kiss and lick up his neck feels all too real. His imagination seems to become more vivid the longer he tries to hold out.

He shifts his hips restlessly, his throbbing erection now straining his shorts uncomfortably. Kensei groans, closing his eyes, and turns his face away - still feeling your tongue glide up his neck before your heated breath hits his ear. He inhales deeply through his nose, opening his eyes, but he immediately catches a glimpse of a sheer lace nightie you had left hanging on the back of the door.

“Mmm, that’s your favorite, isn’t it Kensei? Its the only one you haven’t ripped off me yet.”

Kensei pictures you moving to straddle his hips, touching his cheek to pull his dark gaze back to you. His dick throbs, while his mind quickly races over images of you wearing the nightie. Your nipples turn to hard pebbles as he sucks and teases them through the fabric. You grind your hips over his shaft, gripping his hair and holding his mouth against your breast.

‘Fuck it. This isn’t going away.’

Kensei quickly shoves his boxer briefs down his hips, tossing them from the bed. He strokes his hand steadily over his hard shaft, mimicking the precise pressure and the maddeningly slow, delicate roll of your hips as you tease him. He cinches his eyes tightly shut, his tongue moves languidly in his mouth as he pictures the point of it flicking over your lace covered nipple again. Your sharp hiss is followed by a combination of breathy sighs and moans that make him grin while his cock twitches, begging to be deep inside you instead of wrapped in his own hand.

He watches you with hungry, heavy-lidded eyes as you peel the lingerie off your body, giving him a seductive smile - never once stopping the torturous grind of your hips. A low groan rolls through his chest feeling you grip his shaft, imagining you biting your lower lip, before finally rising up to your knees and sinking down onto him - impaling your body with his.

Kensei’s hand tightens and slides down his girth in his best attempt at matching the vice grip of your inner walls around his cock while your muscles stretch to accommodate him. He grinds his head back against the pillow, arching his hips up at the mere memory of thrusting into your delicious heat. His breaths come faster - heavier - and he quickens the pace of his strokes. Kensei licks his lips, his fantasy becoming clearer the closer he comes to his release.

He can almost feel your fingers sink into the hard planes of his chest as you ride him. His ears hear nothing in the empty room but the ghost of your panting moans mixed with his own ragged breaths. The warmth pooling in his gut begins to spread. Kensei grits his teeth, his jaw strains, holding out until he hears your blissful cries and feels your walls pulsate around his cock, gripping and pulling him - over and over.

‘Fuck!’ Kensei growls sharply as his own hand mimics the rhythm of your body until he finally gives in to his own release, spilling over his hand with a final, deep groan.

Kensei lies in bed, taking a few deep breaths to reorient himself before doing a quick bit of clean up and sinking back down onto the soft futon. With one arm propped behind his head, his other drapes over the firm muscles of his abdomen, and he stares up at the ceiling.

‘Two more days. Shit.’

[chire-senbonimagines]

I might be working on some asks, I’m so sorry everyone!

You guys are the best and there’s still so many of you! Hopefully I’ll get to 1000 soon and be able to do something cool. I don’t know what though XD 

Also big thank you to @blameitonthebleach for the shout-out!!!

[comaheart-blog]

Having sex doesn't make anyone a whore anon. Jealous bitches. :3

word!

[blameitonthebleach]

Captains and vice captain reaction to their fem s/o weary sexy cat or nurse because of playing truth or dare with bleach girls

Hi. I have nothing to say for myself. I love you all. I chose to do the lieutenants because I haven’t done that yet, and this would have been an incredibly long post otherwise. I might make a part 2 for the captains, though.

Lieutenants:

Nanao Ise

–Nanao, the poor dear. She’s very proper, as you know. Her face, neck, and ears will all be red before you can blink. She’d probably splutter something along the lines of “W-What is this? What are you wearing!?” Have mercy.

–Truth be told, it’s not that she finds you unappealing, she’s just in complete shock. Dress-up also isn’t among her interests, necessarily. If you took the dare gladly, anticipating something fun, you’ll have to convince her. If not, it’s okay to tell her the truth. You’ll probably get something out of it, if you know what I mean. ;)

–She will also likely scold you for playing along, because “dares aren’t mandatory.”

Marechiyo Omaeda

–To be honest with you, he’s all for it. He might be a little too eager, actually, but he means well. He’d very much enjoyed if you sat on his lap, especially if you went cat costume.

–His cheeks would flush and he’d have a shit-eating grin on his face. “Man, is it my birthday?” Good luck with this one.

Izuru Kira

–It’s a safe bet to say that he won’t know what to do with himself. He’d prefer nurse over cat, and considering he’s the one usually tending to people’s wounds, it would be a nice change of pace to be “looked after.”

–Pamper him a little and he’ll just be a puddle of goo. Seriously. He can’t talk.

Isane Kotetsu

–Isane, while an anxious sweetheart, is also rather adventurous. She’d be surprised, but ultimately thrilled seeing you dressed up for her–dare or not. Similarly to Izuru, nurse might be the way to go here. She’s always so busy taking care of others that being on the receiving end of your attention and affection would delight her.

–However, she’s also sympathetic to your embarrassment, should that be the case. She would give you a gentle smile and tell you just to do what makes you comfortable. We love a caring girlfriend.

Momo Hinamori

–More than anything, Momo is confused. Maybe a little bashful, but definitely more confused. It’s not that she’s put off or anything, but she has a lot of question. 

– “Not that I’m not interested, but, um…why?” 

–Once she understands, she will giggle. It’s obvious that she finds you attractive, and now that she’s in the loop, she’s more receptive to whatever advances you may make. 

Renji Abarai

–This stupid idiot is absolutely howling on the inside. Nurse or cat, it doesn’t matter. He’s so turned on by you that he has to take a moment to process. Renji.exe has stopped working.

– “I don’t know what this is about, ___, but I’m not complaining. C’mere.”

–After the initial process time and his inability to quit staring, he will have his hands all over you in a matter of seconds. I wouldn’t count on sleeping…

Tetsuzaemon Iba

–Sexy nurse? Is he dreaming? Bet he’s already come up with a hundred ways to ravish you in his head before he’s even uttered a word to you. Macho man that he is, seeing you in all your feminine glory is world-shattering.

–He might even take off his sunglasses for you~

Shuhei Hisagi

–I don’t think I need to tell you this, but you know he has a penchant for nosebleeds, right? There will be a solid 5 minutes minimum of damage control. Poor baby will be embarrassed while he holds his nose, but his eyes will be glued to you. The desire is there–he just has to stop bleeding.

– “I-I–___. Wow. Okay.”–Definitely go for cat, by the way. More primal, more feral, more risque. Please picture him sitting, you standing, and him grabbing you by the hips reverently. You’re welcome.

Mashiro Kuna

–You’re in for a ride, honey. Dating Mashiro, you have to be prepared for supreme embarrassment. 

– “Oooh~? What a cute kitty!”–Needless to say, she loves it. RIP.

Rangiku Matsumoto

–Look, she’s probably the one who dared you to do in the first place. Initially it would have started out at her merciless teasing, but she actually quite likes the cat getup she found for you. 

– “My, my, ___. Don’t you look cute all dressed up for me?”

–She’ll enjoy it far more than you anticipated. Let it happen, just be prepared for the dirty talking.

Nemu Kurotsuchi

–Nemu doesn’t understand. She’s perhaps vaguely aware that dressing up is something that some couples find fun, enticing even, but if you’re looking for a good reaction, you’re out of luck. 

– “Do you need medical treatment? It seems like there must be something wrong with your head.”

Rukia Kuchiki

–Rukia would much prefer cat, considering her love for cute things. Actually if we’re being honest, she’d love if it were a sexy rabbit costume, but cat is a good second. Still, she’s surprised. A dare? Why wasn’t she involved?

– “Idiot. What are you doing?”

–She means that as lovingly as she can, but she’s definitely still amused. She’ll want pictures. 

[blameitonthebleach]

Hi, I just wanted to see what Szayel looked like with no glasses (bc due to a traumatic experience several years ago I do not like anime guys with glasses). He’s not too bad. But still not a character I love. This took me 15 minutes on fucking Microsoft Paint because I’m not a visual artist and I don’t own PS. Please validate me, lol.

[blameitonthebleach]

Hello, hi. I know this is just a coincidence, but I stumbled across this while shopping and it's a hilarious coincidence, and I wanted to share it. A Sole Society Cherry Blossom Kimono. It's cute, too. Can you imagine?

[blameitonthebleach]

Headcanon (that's totally inspired by Queer Eye):

Shunsui definitely has a boho fashion sense when dressed in modern human clothing. Striped t-shirts under casual, worn jackets/blazers with elbow patches; swanky loafers paired with slim pants that make him appear taller; an ostentatious, floral print, collared shirt under neutral sweater so that you can only see the patterned collar and parts of the bottom of the shirt.

This is only one side of a coin, however. That would be casual but elevated fashion. Easy for a man who loves the lazy lifestyle. But he's definitely also drawn toward a smart and sharp suit-type situation. Nothing too stiff, of course. Some nice charcoal grey slacks, a simple white button down with the sleeves rolled up and the buttons not done up completely, and a vest to match the slacks. A loose tie if he's feeling it, because he has a fascination with so-ugly-it's-fashionable ties, but he often times feels too constricted. (But he knows just how much his s/o melts for him when he loosens it and takes it off...) Really anything that let's him look good, but feel free.

[blameitonthebleach]

Cuddle headcanons! Because I suck at updating, but I want to give you guys something, because I love you all! (Also, I plan to do something that I hope you all will like for hitting 1,000 followers in just over a year! I actually hit that milestone several months ago, but I wanted to do something for it, and I just never got to it. I’m sorry...)

List of absolute cuddle bugs who will in no way deny it:

--Jushiro Ukitake --Shunsui Kyoraku --Shuhei Hisagi --Sajin Komamura --Yoruichi Shihoin --Isane Kotetsu --Yasutora “Chad” Sado --Rangiku Matsumoto --Rojuro “Rose” Otoribashi

List of cuddle bugs who will vehemently deny it if asked, but actually love it a lot they just hate being teased about it:

--Renji Abarai --Rukia Kuchiki --Kensei Muguruma --Ichigo Kurosaki --Tetsuzaemon Iba --Toshiro Hitsugaya

List of cuddle bugs who use it as an excuse to grope you:

--Ikkaku Madarame --Kisuke Urahara --Shinji Hirako --Rangiku Matsumoto* --Yoruichi Shihoin* --Shunsui Kyoraku*

[blameitonthebleach]

Can I request a headcannon for Shuhei and Yumichika. Cute couply things for cooking breakfast in the morning? Love you!

What a wonderful request! 

Shuhei Hisagi

–We all know that Shuhei is one hell of a cook. He’s got the best mentor and the drive to please whomever will be eating his cooking. It’s a passion of his, like the guitar, albeit a little more practiced, so if you share his passion he would be absolutely thrilled! Cooking with you would be one of his favorite ways to spend quality time, especially since he gets to see your pretty face as soon as he wakes up. He loves to see your messy bedhead and hear your groggy voice. He loves that you’re both completely unwound, relaxed, able to take your time and create something together. 

–If you live together, or even if you’ve just spent the night, he’ll already have plans for breakfast running through his head as soon as he wakes up. What would be the most delicious, the most fun, perhaps the most romantic? He’d think of ways for you to help if you’re not really kitchen savvy, like cutting strawberries as a pancake topping or mixing batter. He’d show you the best way to cut them for maximum aesthetic and efficiency. If you have a good eye for cooking, he’ll ask what you’d like to make, tasks you’d like to handle, and what he’ll divvy unto himself. 

– “___, I can handle frying the meat if you want to take care of the eggs?”– “Perfect! Just like that. If you cut them thin like this, they won’t roll off the top of the pancakes.” 

–Shuhei likes Japanese food, but he has a fondness for Western breakfasts, too. Something about the foreign, perhaps overly sweet, confectionery-like dishes cater to his taste buds–he’s got a sweet tooth, don’t tell anyone. Being with you always gets his heart racing, because damn if you’re not beautiful, and cute, and you’ve got flour on your nose.

–Cooking with him would be serious but playful at the same time. Shuhei is rather concerned with cooking something good, but he’s also over the moon spending time with you. He will take every opportunity to be cute with you, like stand next to you while you’re both buried in your own tasks, occasionally nudging your shoulder and wiping whipped cream on your face. 

Do it back. He’ll swoon. 

And don’t worry, if breakfast turns out burnt and inedible, Shuhei’s extremely understanding, unabashedly assuring you that no one is good at cooking their first time, or “shit happens, no big deal.” That boyish grin will grace his beautifully scarred face, and that’s how you know everything will be just fine.

Yumichika Ayasegawa

–Yumichika cannot cook. Do not let him alone in the kitchen. It’s more than likely he’ll set something on fire without someone else there to guide his actions. He might get a wild bug up his ass, feeling charitable, and attempt to cook you breakfast before you wake up (for something like your birthday). Don’t count on it, though. If by some miracle he did manage it, it would be inedible–just…don’t tell him that, if it happens. He’s quite indignant, you know. Additionally, he would just barely tolerate any attempt at teaching him how to cook, but he likes the aesthetic of chefs. (Remember the time he, Hanataro, and Rin had to ask Renji and Chad to taste the cake they made, since none of them had ever tasted cake?)He does want to make you happy, even if he’ll complain the entire time when he can’t get it right on the first try. Seeing you in all your beauty preparing food for the two of you flips some kind of switch in him, it’s like a gift.Point is, Yumichika is all for couples breakfast.

– He’s diligent about learning, albeit stubborn. Hellbent on mastering this new skill.

– “Why do I have to cut it like this if it’s only going to be mixed into something else?”– “Does it really matter how much of this I put in? More is better, isn’t it?”– “If it’s no good, just say so. There’s no point in cooking for you if it tastes awful.”

–Having never really experienced a Western breakfast, he might be reluctant to try it. He’s finicky about weird things–definitely seems to be the type of child who hated trying new food, if you ask me. Keep the recipe simple to avoid unnecessary frustration, despite the fact that he’s cute as hell when he’s frustrated. More than likely, Yumichika will settle for leaning against the counter, making salacious comments to you while you’re occupied. Really, he’s just enamored, hypnotized by the way your hands deftly handle utensils.

–If you aren’t any good at cooking, either, it will be harder to convince him to cook breakfast yourselves. If you have no skill, and he has no skill, then why would you waste your time when you could just as easily get something made for you by someone else? Just flutter your pretty eyelashes at him and he’ll concede with minimal grumbling. 

–Yumichika will be so pleased if everything turns out well, especially the things he made. Especially, especially if you enjoy whatever he made. He’ll insist on feeding you, watching your expression turn red and never relenting. That grin–you know the one–will melt your will, and he’ll be happy as a clam to watch you enjoy the meal. He’ll wait for the moment when there’s food on the corner of your mouth to wipe it away with his thumb and bring it back to his own mouth, eyebrow quirked. He’s decided that he likes cooking with you, and not for any reason pertaining to the food.

[blameitonthebleach]

Request for Byakuya galling in love with a lower class human? And how he would react to them asking him out all shy and scared of rejection?

Oh, Byakuya. He’s this weird mix of softhearted and arrogant hardass. I love him, so let’s see…

Byakuya Kuchiki

–In all likelihood, unless this human did something amazing, clumsy, foolish, or otherwise extraordinary, Byakuya wouldn’t give them the time of day. In addition, aside from all the bullshit that happened with Aizen, there aren’t a lot of reasons for him to visit the Human World unless there’s a particularly nasty Hollow. That being said, this human is probably associated in some way with Ichigo, Urahara, or Yoruichi, which is enough of a sign that it would be in his best interest to keep an eye on this person.

–Logistics aside, he would be in complete denial about any blooming romantic feelings for them. They’re human, they are of low class, they’re human… “They’re human” would be a reoccurring issue in his mind, for several reasons. First, their lifespans are significantly shorter than his own. Even though they would eventually end up in the Soul Society, who’s to say they would remember him? And he would also prefer that they grow old together. Watching them wither, or them being aware of their own mortality, might put on damper on things. Second, where his family is concerned, they would be extremely disappointed in him if he were to marry yet another commoner–and one who was human, no less. 

–…But Byakuya has decided to do whatever the hell he pleases, so long as it doesn’t affect his position or family negatively, and falling in love isn’t likely to do that. He thinks too hard sometimes, and he tries to be heartless, but he just is not. Therefore, eventually he would throw caution to the wind–though, probably not all of it–and acknowledge these frustrating emotions. When they are the one to approach him, he’s a little taken aback. They’re shy and fumbling over their words, red all the way up to their ears, the whole nine yards. He thinks to himself, “It’s kind of…cute.” As pleased as he is with the development, it doesn’t register on his face, which scares them off a little bit. He would have to do something to halt their impending retreat, like encouragement for them to tell him what they wanted.

– “Um, Captain Kuchiki? I-I was just wondering, but I made too much lunch. Would…. Would you like to have some? With me, that is…? You don’t have to! I just thought I would share, and you were here, so…”

–Shock. Lunch? With you? Ah, yes, they were trying to flirt with him. Sometimes he’s as dense as sekkiseki… He would agree, if only because it’d been quite some time since he’d last had a picnic. He would be surprised by the food’s preparation, how elegant it looked, and how pleasant the taste was. It would be an enjoyable endeavor, and he would spend the days that followed thinking about it and them. He would notice how his gaze always sought them out when he entered an area they were likely to be, how they were encroaching on this thoughts more and more, and that he felt at peace when they spoke to each other. It would be a slow, arduous process for him to consciously recognize his growing affection and desire. After Hisana, he wasn’t sure he was capable of feeling those feelings again, and yet there they were, soft, shy, and budding.

–It would require a lot of metaphorical soul-searching, but he is a man of action. No one else can make his decisions for him, and he would eventually proposition them himself, like ask if they’d like to go for a stroll, or ask about something trivial just to get to know them better. They always asked questions about his life, so he should return the favor, yes?–would be his thought process, even though he just wanted to learn more about them. It would be a slow burn romance, full of misunderstandings because he is stoic, and they are shy and perhaps a bit timid. He may be a man of few words, but he’s not a romantic novice–he’s just a bit rusty. At the end of the day, however, he’s loyal, surprisingly passionate, and protective, and they are the one to melt the ice surrounding his heart.

[blameitonthebleach]

Can I have hcs on Yoruichi's new s/o wanting to get along with Kisuke and Soi Fon? :) How would things go?

Full disclosure, I started writing this months ago, and then something happened, like my computer died or something, and I lost everything I had for it. I was too pissed to restart it then, so here I am now! Lol Long overdue and without further ado~

Yoruichi Shihoin

Part I: Kisuke Urahara

–Kisuke would be much easier to appease than Soi Fon. Almost too easy. While he’s definitely protective of his best friend, he also knows that she’s a terrific judge of character, so you’re in the clear in that regard. He’s also irritatingly flippant, so if you’re the easily riled type, it might take you a bit longer to get along with him. He’ll pick on you, and he’ll drop less-than-subtle innuendos about your sex life, and he’ll just generally be an ass. Really, that’s just his way of testing you. In his mind, if you can’t handle him, then you sure as hell can’t handle Yoruichi, and quite frankly, don’t deserve her. 

–With Kisuke, it might actually be worth while to state plainly that you want to get along with him. Tell him you’ve heard great things about him, that Yoruichi regards him as her most important friend, and that you’re interested in learning why they’re such good friends. That being said, stating your intentions outright guarantees absolutely nothing. While he’s a very rational mind, he’s also the type to follow his whims into the lion’s den if it strikes him. He could either take pity on your earnestness or exploit it–it all depends on how he’s feeling that particular day. 

–All in all, though, he won’t hate you just to hate you, or dislike you just because you’re dating his best friend. First of all, Yoruichi would chastise him for it. Second, it’s not in his nature. He’s a live-and-let-live kinda guy, and he doesn’t really hate anyone. (There are exceptions to the latter, of course, but that’s a discussion for another time.)

–He WILL ask you about your sex life. Period. Kisuke’s curiosity is a plague on those around him, and his constant need for mental stimulation will lead him to teasing when it’s not otherwise occupied by his many experiments. And really, it depends on your personality what kind of response you’ll evoke from him. A shy, perhaps even timid, innocent personality will elicit a much kinder response. Likely something akin to the way he treats Ururu. A brash, confrontational, excitable personality will draw out his mischievous, needling side. He’ll treat you exactly how he treats Yoruichi, and she’d be pleased that the people she loves most are getting along. 

Part II: Soi Fon

–Oh, my, have you got your work cut out for you. It’s not news that Soi Fon worships the ground Lady Yoruichi walks on, to the point that she loathed Kisuke–and even still does, to a point–when they were first introduced. Continued to find him troublesome and cheeky when he acted so familiar with Lady Yoruichi, etc. It’s also not a far stretch to state that she has a crush (*cough* obsession *cough*) on Yoruichi, either. Whether you’d like to take this as romantic, platonic, or extreme respect and devotion, the fact remains that there will be hostility between you. If not initiated by you, certainly initiated by Soi Fon. 

–Yoruichi would do her best to curb Soi Fon’s outward dislike for the situation (a word which here means “you”), and Soi Fon would desire to like you because it would please Lady Yoruichi to have you two get along. Neither of these things would be very useful, however, because Soi Fon is steadfast in her decisions and actions. Really, your only choice is to continue to treat Yoruichi like she’s gold, love and cherish her, and while Soi Fon may never truly like you, she will come to terms with the relationship.

–Once that happens, which could take eons, you two will have a strange frenemy relationship, wherein you can ask for advice on how best celebrate Yoruichi’s birthday, what she’d like best as a gift, or what her favorite foods are, etc. Soi Fon, objectively, might not be the most helpful, often suggesting cat figurines/plushies/paraphernalia, but she would genuinely try to help you out. After all, it’s Lady Yoruichi we’re talking about! Anything done for her is in the realm of things Soi Fon is interested in. 

–Regarding sexual matters, Soi Fon is stuck in a state where she wants to know everything that happens, but absolutely does not at the same time. She is jealous that Yoruichi spends so much time with you, but accepts that you are someone precious to her. As frenemies, she’ll be on your side, defend you, protect you all for Lady Yoruichi, but also find your presence mildly irritating. She’ll know when you two have had an intimate night, and she’ll fidget all day long, battling with herself over whether or not she should ask you how it went and what happened, or if she’d rather remain ignorant.

Wrap-Up:

–Overall, Soi Fon and Kisuke will come to accept and acknowledge you. Kisuke will be much easier to become friends with than Soi Fon, as he’s generally laid back and accepting. Soi Fon would take goddamn forever to win over, and that’s really only because she loves Yoruichi to death. Under normal circumstances, while prickly, she’s not unreasonable, and you would have a much easier time getting to know her. Noting who you’re dating, however, she has placed a wall between you that might never fully disappear, but it will become more like a curtain than sekkiseki.

–Yoruichi will have minimal involvement in resolving the tension between the three of you. She would introduce, coo over you in that teasing manner she often performs, and intervene if things got hostile (mostly between you and Soi Fon), but would otherwise trust that you three could work it out. You’re all adults here, and she chooses those she favors carefully. When Kisuke starts getting closer to you–jokingly, of course–Yoruichi–equally joking–would wrap her arms around your waist possessively and declare, “Nice try, Kisuke, but she’s mine. I’m the only one who gets to see her cute face when she–”  “Okay, okay! That’s enough, please!”

–Laughs all around. Except there’s a distinct black aura coming off Soi Fon…

[blameitonthebleach]

Honestly I only watched the bount arc for either two reasons shuheis voice or I had wanted to personally see a funny part that I had looked up beforehand lol, sounds shallow but my favorite arcs are in bits in pieces for characters I loved (ignore that I cried when joshiro died) ((also hope I spelled that right)

Shuhei’s voice? I’ve only actually watched the Bount Arc once, and that was when I was first watching the series, so I really don’t remember much about it. It was about six years ago, I think, so… Lol I totally get it, though. After I’ve watched a show to completion, it’s fun to go back and watch my favorite parts again. Especially because now I know where the annoying episodes are, what the filler episodes are that I don’t like, etc. Honestly, I’ve probably watched the first three seasons more than any other part of the series, since that’s where we finally meet all the Soul Reapers <3 They kill me, lol. And do you mean Jushiro? We don't talk about that. Who died? Absolutely no one. The last entire arc didn't happen...

[blameitonthebleach]

Hi I read your post about the bount arc and I also find it really boring. Do you know which episode I can skip to if I don't want to watch it?

Yes! Another ally! Yeah, the Bount Arc ends on episode 109, and episode 110 begins the Arrancar Arc. Skip there and everything should be Gucci~ ^^

[blameitonthebleach]

ANSKZKEJ its actually funny that a lot of ppl dont like the bount arc bc i started watching bleach like a year ago and i never kept on watching bc when i got to the bount arc i found it reallyyyy boring :/ especially compared to what was going on before, anyway i started again bc im hoping it gets better

IT’S BECAUSE THE BOUNT ARC IS THE MOST BORING ARC OF THE ENTIRE SERIES. If I’m honest, they could have done so much with the concept, even if it was just filler, but because it was filler, they just shit out this horrendous insult of a season and called it a day. Actually, I think it was more like a season and a half… I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever met a person who actually likes them. Ever.

You are missing absolutely nothing if you skip the arc. Nothing. It’s not plot relevant, no characters, concepts, or plot points are EVER mentioned again in the entire series, and you’re right: it’s boring as fuck. I remember watching it and wondering when the fuck it would be over, because it was just so awful. A story arc has never dragged on for so long with such a terrible plot line.

As you can see, I have strong opinions, lol. And even though I loathe the Bounts and everything involving them, I own every episode of Bleach on DVD because having an incomplete series would drive me insane… Please continue on with Bleach, because (almost) everything after the Bounts is amazing! (I also recommend skipping the entire final arc of the series in the manga, but that’s just my opinion since I hate it…)

[blameitonthebleach]

Can we get hcs for characters of your choice? Person they have feels for notices a mistletoe above the character's head and is trying to get our bleach babe to kiss them.

You sure can! I decided on writing for three random characters, and used a random name picker to pick them ^^ 

Renji Abarai

–Renji, as we know, likes to try and play it cool (keyword being “try”). While he’s cocky and smug in battle and with friends, or if things are already serious, romance is something that sometimes leaves him floundering. Sometimes he succeeds, others he’s a blathering mess. Being caught under the mistletoe would be one of those moments that his brain stops working because it refuses to process what’s happening. That tsundere personality makes him a difficult mark, but it’s totally worth it in the end.

–Being from the Soul Society, “Christmas” is a holiday that he knows little about since it’s a relatively modern, Western idea. Assuming his lover knew what it was, you would have to explain exactly what it was and why it was significant. 

–“Oh, look! Mistletoe!”

–“Mistle-what? This plant?”

–“Yeah! You don’t know what it is? When two people get caught underneath it together, they’re supposed to kiss.”

–Cue red face, because you’ve just knocked the wind out of him. Do you know that he’s into you? How did you find out? He’d stutter something about kissing, and try and play it off like it’s just some silly notion. 

–“…You don’t want to kiss me?”

–“Huh? No! I mean, yes! I’d love to kiss yo–ack!” .

–Of course, you had to have planned for this all along. Also, Christmas was such a cute time of year to confess your feelings, and the mistletoe was obnoxiously convenient. Frustrated with his own lack of calm, he’d huff and straighten himself while looking you in the eye with a frown. He’d mutter something like “Mistletoe, huh?”, and with two firm but gentle fingers, he’d grasp your chin and steel himself for the moment your soft, winter-chilled lips meet his. Hotblooded as he is, his lips are warm and a little chapped, but they know what they’re doing. When you don’t pull back, he’ll wrap an arm around your waist to pull you tight against his chest, deepening the kiss with a groan.

–Once you’re both mostly out of breath, he’ll pull back with an impish grin, remarking on your flushed cheeks. He’ll hold your hand for the rest of the day, and he makes a point to step under every single bundle of mistletoe in town, in addition to the fact that suddenly every threshold in the Seireitei now has mistletoe hanging from it…

Ikkaku Madarame

–Depending on how he looks at it, he’ll either need more and less convincing than Renji (which didn’t require any real convincing, honestly…).On the one hand, random smooching with the person he’s got the hots for? Awesome! On the other, what the hell kind of weird tradition is that? That doesn’t make any sense. Why does this random sprig of dried plant dictate kissing, and is the kissing compulsory? What if you end up under the strange plant with someone you’d literally rather throttle than kiss?

–That being said, convincing him is rather easy. Had he heard about the mistletoe from someone other than you, the latter line of questioning would have been employed. But since it is you, he’s all for it. Much like Renji, also, he’s almost completely ignorant on human holiday traditions. After all, he’s only just managed to grasp that wearing around a wooden practice sword is considered abnormal behavior… 

–Though he’s a little more suave than Renji, if you were planning on using the mistletoe as an indirect way of confessing, you’re in for a bad time. 

–“We’re supposed to kiss? Well, if you say so, ___. I didn’t know you felt that way about me!” 

–…He said arbitrarily. At this point you’ll have to be blunt, because he’s not very good at reading between the lines. While he definitely likes you, and assuming you’re not yet an item, he hasn’t yet devised a way to confess, so automatically there’s no way you could like him back if he hasn’t said anything yet. His logic makes no sense.

–“Ikkaku.”

–“Hah?”

–“Just kiss me.”

–Make sure you have a serious look on your face, because it will give him reason for pause. He’s not a complete moron. The teasing smirk will fall off his face, and he’ll cup the back of your head with this pensive expression. His kiss will be rough, exploring the contours of your mouth with his lips and tongue, another firm hand gripping your waist. It will be aggressive but oddly comforting, and it will leave you both breathless at the depth of feelings between you. When you part, that grin is back on his face, and he’ll rest his forehead against yours. 

–“Hey, ___. I don’t have to wait for more mistletoe to kiss you again, right?”

Shunsui Kyoraku

–Shunsui is much easier to convince, but comes with his own set of problems. As the Head Captain, it’s rare that he has a free day to escape to the human world, but it’s likely that at least one of the former Vizords, or someone like Rangiku or Hanataro, has an interest in Christmas/human things. They probably brought back some things to celebrate and lighten everyone’s mood, so mistletoe in the Seireitei is almost certain. Catching Shunsui underneath it, however, would be difficult. Nanao has banned it from the First Division after an…incident.

–Therefore, catching him by chance is unlikely, and direct measures will have to be taken. Trying to indirectly lead him to the nearest mistletoed threshold could work, but Shunsui is an extremely perceptive individual. He’d play along, but he’d kiss you before you get the drop on him, so if that’s what you’re going for, congratulations! 

–“Maa, you’re so cute when you pout, sunshine.”

–“I’m sorry, ___-chan. You were working so hard to get me here, I couldn’t resist.”

–But, if you were going for subtlety or a sneak attack, you should not do this. In fact, it’s probably a better idea to bring the mistletoe to him (you’ll just have to apologize to Nanao later…). Being bold with Shunsui always pays off, because sincerely showing him that you like him delights him to no end. So, visit him business as usual, hold the mistletoe over your heads, and plant one right on him while he’s sat at his desk.

–“Merry Christmas~”

–“Clever minx…”

–Immediately, you’ll be pulled into his lap–mistletoe forgotten–as he kisses you senseless, all sensuous passion and adoration. His warm skin and prickly stubble rub against your cheek, not entirely uncomfortable, but completely welcome. Nestled safely, cozily in his lap as you share kiss after kiss, and Nanao has to wait for several agonizingly embarrassing minutes to fill Shunsui in on the latest reports.