#but I write shit sometimes and throw it into the internet void

[blade-that-was-broken]

Clay wasn’t sure what held him back. Upon the evacuation of the Golf Course, he had taken the rear of the group and although he knew Viva had found some help to get them to some place of relative safety, he had no idea who they were. Or even where they were going. It wasn’t until everyone had gotten away from the course, hours later and the world getting darker, that he started to find out things. He helped his people get settled down for the night, creating makeshift tents and shelters for the night. Everyone was scared. Of course everyone was scared.

They had lost their home.

They had no idea where they were going, what was going to happen, how their future was going to change yet again. First the escape of the Troll Tree and now the evacuation of the Golf Course, everything and anything was uncertain.

Everyone was well settled into a well-defensible clearing. He had heard Viva let a few scouts go around the edges to make sure things were okay and keep an eye out. He eventually found Viva settling in next to a fire with a couple other trolls - both familiar and unfamiliar - huddled around on logs dragged from the forest. He took a breath and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself, letting the smell of the fire and the crackling of the flames fill his senses.

“And here we thought Johnny here was the last pop troll around,” one of their guides cackled. He had some sort of strange accent Clay couldn’t identify and he couldn’t quite make out the form of the troll from the shadows, despite the illumination of the fire.

He could see Viva rather clearly. She looked a little confused but also curious. “What do you mean?”

“Well… Johnny left home for a bit and when he came back? Everyone was destroyed,” the troll responded. Another troll draped in shadows tensed. It was all Clay could make out from him. “Some of us saw a bit of it… it was… yikes. And after what he told us about… those giants? He thought that everyone had been eaten.”

Viva looked nervous. “The tree looks that bad?”

There was a hesitation. Another troll, who hadn’t spoken yet, let out a quiet, low, “Yes.”

“It was rough there for a while,” the first troll said, continuing to speak. “For him, I mean. Spent years with the gray and you know what comes with that…”

“I do?” Viva echoed.

Grayness wasn’t exactly a very common phenomenon around Pop trolls. They were naturally optimistic and happy, easy to forgive and extremely adaptable. Not everyone knew much about grayness and it was hardly mentioned in school work. Clay knew a bit about it, with some of the sad novels he read, but even he didn’t quite understand it all. He supposed, he had never really quite tried either.

“Hopelessness,” the troll said. “It’s only in the last few years, he’s gotten some of his color back.”

If the subject of their conversation seemed to have any objection to being talked about - and his struggles - he didn’t say anything. Viva looked between the group, the other Putt Putt trolls exchanging uneasy glances. “How… long-?”

“Uh,” the second troll - Johnny, Clay thought he remembered him being called - trailed off, uncertainly. “Over ten years? Maybe thirteen?”

“That…” Viva frowned worriedly. “We escaped about 14 years ago.”

“I wasn’t gone long.”

“And you thought your family was dead this entire time?” One of the Putt Putt Trolls - Flora - looked something akin to horrified with a touch of understanding and empathy. No one was entirely sure if anyone else escaped. They all suspected but no one knew who had survived and who had not. And no one was quite brave enough to go out and try to find them.

“If… If you survived, perhaps my brothers did as well,” the voice was barely a whisper and had a flicker of hesitant hope. “But I don’t want to count on it.”

“Why not?”

“He doesn’t want to be struck down again,” the first troll answered for him, understanding. “False hope can be devastating.”

“Other pop trolls survived,” Viva said, strongly. “The escapees. We were caught by Bergens and then escaped. There are others but we just don’t know where they are.”

“If they’re out there, they are exceptionally difficult to find.”

****

Clay followed John into the woods, his big brother humming a slow, unfamiliar tune. It sounded almost sad but that didn’t make any sense. He had never known his brother to listen to any sad music. John just started piling sticks next to a tree.

He had waited, momentarily, when John left the fire. Viva had glanced at him, a little confused but she trusted him. They talked about John almost like he wasn’t even there and although they talked in abstract riddles, Clay tried to piece together some things. Like his brother came back to the tree - for them - and thought his entire family was dead. Had for well over a decade. Just the thought made Clay sick to his stomach.

“John Dory.”

His brother turned around but his face just fell into a disappointed but almost concerned frown. Okay, so Clay wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he wasn’t expecting that for sure. It was like John was unhappy to see him. Perhaps he just should have known better. They had separated on terrible terms and John had said goodbye forever. The talk around the fire made it seem like he wanted his brothers back, to be alive. The look on his face told a different story.

“Oh. I guess I should have seen this coming.”

That was really not what he was expecting. “What?”

“One mention of my dead brothers and my brain decides yeah, lets hallucinate again,” John’s chuckle was hollow and without humor and it made Clay’s stomach turn over at least a dozen times.

“What?”

John squinted at him, slightly confused. “You don’t have to sound so shocked. I know you know.”

“I know?” Clay echoed, far more confused.

“Well, get on with it.”

“Get on… with?”

“I'd rather you leave quickly so I don’t have to take hallucination medication again. It messes with my memory and I’d like to keep whatever memories I do have at this point.”

“Get on with what?”

John tilted his head. “You’ve never acted this way before.”

“In your hallucinations?” Clay asked for clarification. “How does it usually go?”

“Lots of yelling, upset remarks, blame anger, etc. Guilt. Not you but me, obviously.”

That wasn’t obvious to Clay.

“Then you usually spout out how much you hate me and I just laugh.”

Clay’s stomach dropped. “Laugh?”

“Of course.”

“Why would you laugh?”

“Because you could never hate me as much as I hate myself.”

Clay sucked in a breath. “I don’t hate you.”

John looked mildly surprised, like he wasn’t expecting that answer. Clay wondered how many times John’s mind had told him that, using Clay’s face.

“Do you miss me?”

John snorted again. “That is a dumb question.”

Clay tried not to look hurt. “You used to tell me there was no such thing as dumb questions.”

“There isn’t. Except for that one. Well… except another one too but you haven’t asked me that one. I’m grateful for that.”

“What is the other dumb question?”

“Asking if I love you.”

Clay blinked. He had never really thought to ask that. No matter how much answer and resentment he held onto, for no matter how long, that never crossed his mind. And he was grateful for that. “I don’t need to ask a question I already know the answer to.”

He was pretty sure John was holding his breath. He was scared.

“I know you love me.”

And he let it out. “I do. Although I am a little surprised my brain is trying to assure me of that. That you know.”

“Do you think you have enough sticks?”

“Are you sticking along? Sometimes Pete is an ass about it.”

“About what?”

“The hallucinations.”

Oh right. John didn’t know he was real. “I won’t be obnoxious.”

He sighed. “Well, I can’t get rid of my guilty conscious so whatever.”

[sordidmusings]

Just a life update and opening!

Brought up because of an ask wondering if I still do stuff here so I figured I'd put out some of whats goin on if anyone is interested! Also throwing it into the void of the internet feels less guilt inducing than forcing it on specific people especially after how overwhelmed folks tend to be cuz I'm bad at metering it out and not just being like 'light jokes about struggle that don't scratch the surface or say anything meaningful' and 'here is all the dark lore' 💀 It's also been a struggle because there really does sometimes feel like theres a whole ass language barrier within your own language when you're AuDHD.

I do still do headcanons and write and draw and yada yada there’s just been quite a bit happening and I’m doing poorly at keeping up with life maintenance let alone things I enjoy 🥴 with writing especially in my hobbies I find myself discouraged in what feels like poor quality of my writing and seeing that reflected back to me because I am Weak 💀 general overview of some of the bigger problems below the cut if you’re interested but I won’t bother y’all with the whole picture! Will be more a summary/overview/alluding to things over getting into gory details. Basically a lot will be covered but I won’t force anything below the broad strokes on y'all.

The end is an ask for people to please reach out if they are struggling so please take that seriously. I offer a space with me but please find wherever in this world you are at least somewhat comfortable and have someone be there with you while you process 🤍 I will have a header above that little piece just incase you'd like to skip to only reading that which is completely fine!

CW for mental health talks, allusions to family issues, references to rape and abuse, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

What's Up, Doc?

Between hospitalizations (old and new issues and unfortunate near misses 🤡), my couple jobs (the days my body ain’t tryin to give up and even some days it still is means back to the grindstone. Thank you capitalistic overlords 💀), money stresses (medical debt plus just like y'all know shit ain’t the best for most everyone rn), the spring struggle (nightmares + flashbacks get worse from seasonal + anniversaries of men not caring for consent amongst other things lmaoooo), the mental health slew (diagnosed with AuDHD and most of the big hitters besides a personality disorder), and a few other life happenings and old traumas I’m doing a terrible job at everything 🤡 most of it ain’t new so I know all the proper things to do to help for everything from years of therapy and managing the symptoms and all that but dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s hasn’t been offering any relief for a long while so I’m floundering and quite exhausted.

The health issues making everything difficult and painful ain’t helping but I’m also not being the best at taking care of some of them because Why Bother 💀 Many are issues I’ve had for years that ebb and flow in severity and I’m just tired of feeling them and having to manage them. I’m sure any of you with chronic issues understand the feeling well. Those with years and years of major depressive disorder probably also understand the frustration and exhaustion and guilt with knowing you should enjoy something, you WANT to enjoy it, but your body just can’t produce the reaction it should.

I tend to isolate because I’m managing it poorly enough that the topic tends to crop up with the closer few if they ask and that goes Badly cuz, even if they think they won’t, people get uncomfy with the topics which just makes me feel Worse from guilt and sometimes frustration from it being passed over for their comfort or lack of understanding. I am lucky enough to have more recently found one person who Gets It and a beloved soul from lovely old Jersey came back into my life so the bigger problem in that situation is me allowing myself to consistently receive support from them 🤡 One’s so sweet always telling me I can call any time and the other is of the same vein and my dumbass brain keeps being like “but that would bother them” or the usual “you deserve to get worse not get help” 🤡🤡🤡. Clown ass behavior.

Also some bad coping mechanisms make my typing and communication sloppy as hell and I’m quite ashamed of that so best hide that away while it’s going on 💀 due to insistence that it’s Fine I have forgone that instinct to what feels like very Poor Result 🥴 ah the eternal struggle between needing to be Seen to fight the sense of isolation and worthlessness but also being petrified of being perceived while imperfect. Not having any of the connections really be in person doesn’t help too much with feelings isolation because I don't really have anyone around me besides parents that have literally said "why are you making us deal with this" about the intentional near death miss 💀💀💀 my immediate world feels very much like it wants me gone in explicit and subtle ways but c'est la vie. Beggars can’t be choosers so at this point I’m likely just being ungrateful 🤡

One thing making it harder to keep trying is my folks’ years of insistence that I don’t understand my own experience and I’m just dramatic and make things up. It’s an echo of many painful experiences including a whole group intentionally playing games with my sense of reality to enable their friend’s abuse (they got unconsensual nudes from him out of it so that’s worth the price of treating someone like that right?). Such is life.

One of the new things I’m uncertain how to approach handling properly is the grief and such shifting back to the forefront from the first anniversary of my childhood brother figure being taken from us by his bipolar depression. I have known people taken by suicide before but not this close to home. My childhood wasn’t the happiest but he and his family were a bright place in it. His little sister was my best friend in the whole world through my childhood and their family treated me more like family than my own. He was the best mix of a good and bad influence in an older brother figure I could’ve wished for. He fought long and hard but exhaustion hits us all, sometimes even with proper help. What eternally pains me is knowing how helpless and scared he must have felt and even worse how absolutely alone he felt. That was his last feeling in this life. I can only hope that more than anything, whatever happens next is giving him relief, peace, and rest.

Talk on reaching out below!

On that note, if any of you experience suicidality too, my messages (or ask if you’re more comfy on anon) are always open. This is an issue that’s been in my life in many forms since I was 12, so I will not shy away from you or your thoughts. Even if shared with something uncomfortable or "ugly", I find the discomfort of sitting with someone’s pain negligible in comparison to being the one in pain so why not prioritize that person in their need? It’s also negligible under the importance of truly holding space to process those hurts and stresses instead of just simple little niceties.

I am not the best at being active but if I see any of these messages especially we will truly talk. I know how insanely isolating and disappointing it can feel when someone offers support to be nice and then shoves to the next topic or barely responds because it makes them uncomfortable. It is a bitter pill we must often swallow to forgive those who think they will help for making things worse because they have bit off more than they can chew. It is also a bitter feeling that that reaffirms to us that by our very nature, we are too much to handle and are too much to deal with for sharing our internal space and circumstance. But at the same time, all of us are simply human so who am I to malign someone for making mistakes or being imperfect? So long as someone truly wants to try, there is all the reason in the world to give them grace.

Qualifications kind of???

The one good thing that has come from a lot of the experiences that I’ve gone through is that it has forced perspective on me and forced me to learn skills in holding space, validating, and connecting to others in immense pain. No one is perfect in this skill (even therapists struggle - the number who have said they don’t know where to start untangling the traumas or who have cried at it and in turn needed comfort 💀 a strange experience I know my darling at least gets too lol) but I have found in both giving and receiving that honesty and openness is W A Y more important than being perfect.

This is something I’ve watched more people struggle with than not as life circumstances has not made it so that they must learn the skill at the same time that there are resources to learn it, so I may make more posts with advice for it than the bit I go through here. I’m not a licensed therapist so this isn’t going to be a clinical breakdown of how to be someone’s therapist but I would consider my experience as a confidant, consistent reading up on psychological and related sociological research, and experience going through various forms of therapy worthy of giving solid advice. Unfortunately, co-morbidities and resistant brain chemistry really make using the skills on myself Difficult 💀 but as brief examples of experience for validity speaking on this, I’ve been to a lot of group therapy where licensed therapists literally coach you on this, guided a safe space/group for SA survivors in college, coached friends who couldn’t afford therapy through suicidality or abusive situations, and coached survivors through feelings and decisions when deciding whether or not to charge or going through the process of charging their abuser. All of which is much easier to be effective to people you know irl but the support online can be nothing to snub your nose at either. None of this is to say I'm perfect or exceptional - neither is true - just that I’ve had circumstances and experiences that afford me a bit of extra knowledge in this.

In the vast majority of cases, someone who is struggling and coming to you for help wants you to be there - your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective. They don’t want someone sitting uncomfortably and saying the occasional “sorry” they want engagement because more than anything they don’t want to be alone. In a basic example, if you find yourself freezing when someone comes to you with something you don’t know how to handle, instead of saying nothing or only short cliches due to fear of making a mistake, be honest about that. “I’m not sure what to say right now to be honest because that’s so much to deal with. I can’t imagine having to live with that all the time. Is there anything in it frustrating you the most or that you’re having the most difficulty tackling?”. This is active listening and engagement. You are being honest with where you are at so they aren’t guessing what you’re thinking, you are showing that you see how overwhelming the situation is, especially for the person who has to live with it. If you can’t handle a conversation where these issues exist, how do you think it feels to live with them day in and day out, sometimes for years or the majority of a life?

Asking questions is SUPER important too. Trust the other person to only share what they are comfortable with and don’t assume all questions are bad. Asking questions is one of the truest and simplest ways to show you care because why would you want to know more if you don’t give a shit? Asking questions is also very helpful and one of the reasons talking to others about your issues is important - it gives the person struggling something to react to and give perspective. It helps them process the issue in ways they won’t be able to do by themselves. This may make the process sound slightly manufactured but I promise it’s not, especially as it becomes second nature to know what thing to use when. Communication is a skill so advice around it will inherently make it sound more clinical than the actual process is.

People are also not a monolith so while this type of being there works for the vast majority some people may not like it. That is also where communication comes in - check in with the person on if this is helping and what isn't helpful. Make sure to adjust when you make a mistake.

Conclusion

I’m happy to hold space for other issues as well. I’m no replacement for a therapist but I’ve been a helpful supplement to many people I knew struggling throughout the years so I’m at least okay at that! Since I’m doing pretty bad functionally right now the help won’t be as consistent as I wish but I will give whatever is in my power just like these things deserve. I hope to get better soon so that I can properly offer a stronger foundation of support outward again 🤍

[terraliensvent]

I'm the person who talked about how tired I was and how I stopped believing. Thank you terravent, in the midst of despair and dashed hopes I find strength in your answers and this whole blog.

Venting is truly therapy, I have written many posts here, some just as depressing, others as aggressive. I'm looking at this situation from the inside and now I realize it's really unhealthy. Sometimes I look back at old posts I used to write and that's how I realize how I used to feel. I'm sorry for using your blog as a diary.

What keeps me in this species are my "kids". But I think eventually it's time to put them out of it. Let your mom take care of you and give you a better life than staying in this Godforsaken species.

Thanks for everything, terravent.

I am the same person who is disillusioned and the same person who is consumed with paranoia. It's horrible how this species has made me such an anxious person. Hopefully I'll be stronger in the future.

Terraliens (was I believe) is my addiction. Hopefully tomorrow I will stop it. I've never felt this way before, never loved someone's ideas and someone's species so much. But I don't belong here, I think I should finally let this situation go.

post related

wow, this one did hit me hard

first of all i dont want any anons to feel ashamed for using me as a diary, i fuck around a lot on here but genuine vents are always welcome

congratulations on realizing you need to break the cycle. honestly ill admit terras is an addiction for me too, and im trying my hardest to walk away (in every way i can aside the blog)

hopefully leaving will help you find some peace, and if theres advice i can offer you is that you shouldnt wait until tomorrow to make a change, you should do it now. leaving the server is the first step, or if you feel like you need to you can void all your terras if you have them. after that it should get a lot easier, you wont be tempted to go and check on the current events because youre not there.

find other vices to replace terras, whether thats a healthier cs space or by throwing yourself wholeheartedly into your other ocs, do whatever helps you most. the best solution for addiction is a healthy substitute. and make sure you go outside a lot, this internet shit really does suck you in

thanks for being an active reader/venter, i appreciate everyone who takes the time to look through my musings about this stuff. and hopefully soon terras will die so i can leave this blog and everything terra related too haha

[etoilesombre]

Black Sails fanfiction thought: I really want to see Flint and Silver talk about Gay Shit. 

[yes this is me making notes and thinking things through for writing and throwing it out into the internet void, why not. disclaimer maybe a lot of this exists and if it does I would love to see it, I certainly have not read all of the things]. 

In silverflint stories, I would like to see them actually talk about their respective understandings of their sexuality. I understand that they wouldn’t talk about their pasts, identities in general, Having Feelings etc, and also that it is lovely in fanfic sometimes to have the ability to handwave away homophobia and have sex between men just be normal (at least among pirates, Fuck England Forever) I totally support that choice, would that we could in real life,

However, in a world that chooses to deal with how stigmatized gay sex was, and assumes period-typical everything, I think there might very naturally be a “wow, so, you too huh?” kind of conversation. It seems unlikely that there would have been a lot of spaces for these guys to talk about those experiences with other people who might share them. Flint had that with Thomas, but for less than a year, ten years ago. Though he still had Miranda which probably helped. And Silver… well ok who the fuck knows? Maybe he had a lovely queer found family but I suspect not because he cannot have nice things. Anyway. Even if we take the stance of “eh, the pirates don’t care so much” both of these guys were clearly not raised in that world. 

So Flint is probably used to talking about it, in a sense. I’m having a hard time imagining how that conversation would go, but I think one take would be Flint sort of saying ‘oh this is a normal, known thing that you don’t need to feel bad about, here look, validating dirty ancient literature’ (not that I’m considering this as a scene or anything. no i am. i totally am, i love it.) Maybe I assume that Silver sees it as “oh this is probably wrong but I do wrong things all the time, so it doesn’t actually matter?” [in this case I’m not specifically talking about my Big Fic version of Silver, who has some other specific shit going on, but rather my understanding of him as a character in general.] But also I think I see Silver as, characteristically, not really wanting to make anything of it at all or act like it matters, and seeing this as very individual/not being interested in or hopeful about trying to change attitudes. 

I think where it would naturally come up would be about how much secrecy they want to maintain. This whole thing comes up because I’m working through the development of their relationship after Silver is made quartermaster, and while I definitely do not think they ever go full “hi we are your pirate husbands we are definitely together,” i can envision a range between ‘eh, people can say what they want fuck em,’ and ‘NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW.’ I see it going one of two basic ways that would cause conflict (and obviously you could switch it up and have there *not* be conflict)

1) Flint having a lot of leftover stuff from England and not being ashamed because he knows he’s not supposed to be but still justifying being fucking cautious, because he has already had his life and career ruined over this once, and he also might have some ideas about his reputation of people knew? And Silver coming down more on the side of “you know, it doesn’t seem like these pirates really care, this might be Your Stuff” because he just has broader experiences and a more… creative?.. approach to life. I can actually imagine him late season making the argument like, people are so fucking scared of us this would just be one more crazy rumor that grows the legend. 

2) Flint has come all this damned way and lost everybody he loves and the one upshot is that he Does Not Have To Deal With That Shit, and is going to do what he wants and run his ship how he wants and stab anybody who has shit to say about it in the throat. Silver, having had a hard life and also very much choosing to care about specific people and not larger concepts, take an attitude of ‘yes but… dont you know people get hurt over that? does this really have to be an ideological issue?’ this is complicated by/might change around 3.10 that could also be played as a moment of ‘oh THATS why you care, got it.’

Final thought it would also be interesting, even if none of the rest of this is ever discussed, to have it come up as an issue on the ship in some way - maybe someone gets threatened or beat up for doing Gay Things and they have to deal with it, or something - and we see how they respectively want to deal with it? 

Everybody wanted to go on this journey with me right? Oh, nobody did? WELL TOO BAD, tumblr is my notes now I guess.

[thewritinglist]

Inside.

I think of myself as an introvert, but it strikes me that this is a fairly limiting and flawed term. I struggle with socializing, yes, but also I hate being inside. Four walls isn’t comforting, it’s debilitating and tense and small. I move so little inside. I hate to be still. I love motion.

If you are like me, not only the above but also without a driver’s license, do not move to the Texas countryside. You’re in the world’s largest prison, staring at boundless landscapes you’re too hot or cold to explore. I lived on a road just off a state highway, set sufficiently far back, behind a landfill, that you’d never know it, except for the fact that you know that your escape begins on it. Any escape. Getting groceries, collecting medication, taking things, stuff, to and from a storage unit: these mundanities turned into blessed relief, the car a vessel of passive joy. Passive because you are not the pilot of your own happiness. You’re Buster Keaton, throwing a hand onto the passing car of freedom for short respite from your interior life.

You didn’t choose this. Nobody, directly, chose this. Nobody chose, regardless of what you’ve read on Conservative websites, to release a new version of a virus that forced the world to stop. The idea of the world stopping had appealed to you - the only way to change the system, you’d thought wistfully, would be for it to pause whilst something new is built. You don’t replace a spinning wheel. But the system is too clever for that. It adapts. Cap-19, how novel you are! How clever! You just ate up the sacrificial lambs and chugged on. The car slowed, but your journey never ends.

Someone did chose to let your wife go from her job, admittedly. It was an inevitability, yes, but someone made the call. But in tandem with the other forced decision, of USCIS to ask her ever so politely for more evidence of her ability to support you, you had no choice but to move in with her parents. Your in-laws. They’re in the process of selling their house and moving to the country, and so your help is much appreciated. Bitter whispers of how serendipitous it was for them sometimes form, and you suppress them, because you retain some level of common sense, and don’t want to take in their kindness and spit out bile.

But it’s hard. Fuck, it’s hard. Now she’s working, and the internet out there is shit, so your previous, distinct, internet hobbies of YouTube and jacking off are limited. Your shrinking attention span has strangled your ability to read. Depression suffocates your ability and desire to write. You often aren’t funny anymore, which stings in the void way that only the results of depression can. You’re lonely during the day.

Eventually, there is a light again. The green card application isn’t dead - they didn’t bother to inform you directly that applications and their expiration dates were paused during the pandemic, and you’d never imagined of such a courteous move from the US government. It hadn’t occurred to you. You soon gain the authority to work, which opens up your path to moving back to New York. And, at the end of it, you do.

And now you’re here. There is an outside. The rejected desktop backgrounds that previously surrounded you are now hustling streets. There is a public transport system. You can travel under the ground, a sub way. You can walk places, even whiz around on a bus or train. You love trains! You need headphones in when they boom into the station to silence the noise and push away the idea that someone will push you onto the tracks, intentionally or not, but you love trains! Being on them!

But the feelings remain.

Therapy helps. Sure. Yeah. But honesty is hard. You’ve sabotaged one of your closest friendships through inaction, letting a wonderful thing rust like a bike left out, but the bike can let you know how you fucked up. Is it better? Yes. Is it good?

We’ll see.

[morgana-ren]

Helllo,

This is gonna be a long rant so please be prepared. You're amazing... really. I know you said your scraping the bottom of the barrel..but that is no way true. Your stories are one of the reasons I've downloaded tumblr in the first place (I officially entered the world of social media at age 20 over a shiggy story...I know😂). I'd easily put you in my top 3 without a doubt, which is why I'm always checking for your updates. Your "half-baked ideas" are probably a 1000 times better than anything I or most people could put out ( trust me, I've been on Wattpad since 2015 when I thought that was topnotch literature 🥴). But I totally get it, I have a major superior-inferiority complex, which basically makes me feel like I'm good at nothing even when I totally devote myself. And nothing anyone says can change my mind about how I feel about myself when I get in a slump.

Don't for a second feel like you're in some void all alone. Heck...you have this follower backing you up no matter what! If you do step away, no one would be mad. I'm pretty sure everyone gets in a slump, so don't feel like you're obligated to stay. But, please don't do it because you think you're a bad author. All your stories are proof that isn't true. I hope you feel better and stay amazing 💞

Thank you so, so much! And hon, me too! I actually started using this account I made ( and used to just post random shit on) because of the Shig-man. I saw him and essentially went “hey,., that’s pretty good.” And voila. Here we are lmao.

I’m not gunna lie, I’ve been havin’ a rough go of it lately. There’s a lot of weird shit going on in my life, and I think I rely too much on my writing to take me into some sorta fantasy realm where everything is great and awesome and I can just vibe with me and my godawful self.

I’m kind of an insufferable dunce cap, and I make a habit of just kinda giving up on anything that doesn’t immediately pay off. I read my writing (especially after posting) and go “Oof chief. You put that out. On the internet. With your name on it. Yikes.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100 percent used to embarrassing myself, but when I’m in a bad mental state, it hits somethin’ different. I’m a sensitive little bitch about every little thing, and sometimes that knife of insecurity cuts deeper than the skin. My brain LOOKS for shit to be pissed off about, I swear to god. A lot of authors go through years and years of arduous processes and study to make their stories great, and I just kinda like to stand on a cliff and throw out pages and go “TAKE IT!! TAKE MY STUFF!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!”

I fully one hundred percent admit my stories are “I wanna fuck this character. Right now. Fuck plot. Just wanna fuck.” So I don’t know what the hell im bitching about. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do if I quit writing, so maybe I should just.. stop expecting it to be above mediocre smut? Cause that’s what I write? Like I’m not exactly writing an opus here.

My brain is in a twist. I’m sitting in a kingdom of boxes (that’s not a shitty metaphor, I literally just moved lmao) and whining to the moon. My brain doesn’t like change, so maybe I’m just all fucked up from massive change. I think the best way to describe it is I’m just... sad? And how I cope with that is actively seeking out ways to pretend shit is fine? And when it fails like I feel my writing fails, I immediately abandon it and find some other coping thing?

I’m a baby, is the point. I’m a big ass fucking baby. But thank you so so much for the kind words and I appreciate it so much. I really do 💕 thank you!!

[thefatalmarksman]

tuesday

J____ is always daring us to do this stupid shit. he sent us text the other day, linking us to some dumb internet posts about this thing called “the Luxu Beast.” i’ll admit, i got a little spooked reading it, but B____? he’s never worried about the stuff J throws at us—says it’s all probably nothing but a pack of dumb hillbilly rumors. honestly, they’re probably right. but then it enters my brain, in the middle of the night, and i reread the accounts, and see those pics---all that blood and gore...

anyway, the first part of the trip was all good and well---B parking in the camp lot, me and J gathering up the gear, then we set off. J had a cigarette in his mouth when he told us the last place it’d been seen was in these very woods---lumbering around, taller than a sycamore, with its signature three yellow eyes down the side of its face and black claws. jagged teeth, its gums showing. four curling horns to gouge its prey. apparently it usually tends to mind its own business---sometimes been described as shy. at least, til it sees you. the old saying: folks go in, but never come out. those that are found are supposedly in nothing but bloody, meaty pieces. everyone claims it’s wolves but the way they get skewered and torn up---we seen the pictures online. seen the way their limbs were tore off and their insides on the outside, like they’ve been... partially sucked out.

that ain’t wolves.

J and B, though, they insisted we keep going til it’s sundown, set up the tents and get a fire started. they’re telling spooky campfire stories right now, trying to scare the bejeezus out of each other for fun. stories about the ancient Beast, able to traverse the caverns, like magical shortcuts connecting the entire globe at its whims---so no one truly knows where it came from. but it’s said it clawed out of the Void thousands of years ago---older than the trees, older than the waters. wisdom beyond words, hunger insatiable.

but i can’t stand to be any part of it. i know they’re laughing at me for being paranoid, inserting me into their scary stories as their protagonist that gets slaughtered in the end, but they can fuck off. i just want to work on this section of my memoir, probably going to be titled “my douchebag friends take me camping and we probably end up getting malaria or some shit.”

thursday

we’re fucking lost. i already know that much. J says that if we really are, that’s all the better---that means it’ll sniff us out---come find us. they say its most sensitive sense is smell, and it could catch our aroma from miles away. he read so, is what he says.

they noticed how focused i am on trying to keep tabs on where we’re going, and they’re just fucking with me now. any time we hear a loud crunch in the distance, or a crackle of leaves, they get all conspiratorial, whispering to each other that the Beast is here---the Beast is gonna get us.

i’m tired, we’re stopping for the night. 

-

i thought i heard a voice.

i’m not taking my eyes off the tree line.

saturday

we found a deer corpse this morning.

it was slit from throat to tail, torn open and, when i took as close a look as i’d be willing---the smell was horrible, even though it still seemed fresh---could tell it was missing several of its organs. 

i suggested it might’ve been a bear, but J says there was something... so clinical about how it was done. like whatever went in, knew what it wanted already. had a taste for specific bits and pieces. didn’t leave a trail sloppily behind like a dumb animal.

J’s pushed past the point of obsession, i think. says this is proof it’s out there---that it’s real. and we can find it. and i tell B i’m starting to get scared, but... he just doesn’t say anything. seems like he’s having less and less fun and says less and less the deeper and deeper we get into the woods.

we’re running out of rations, no signal or dead phones, and none of us took any training on what’s good to eat and what isn’t. B even tossed down some mushrooms and spent the whole afternoon puking up his guts.

sunday

B has disappeared. we’re taking a break under the canopy. we can hear something, moving around in the underbrush. got a fire going. J says he’s going out to look again. keep the fire going. keep

monday

this is probably the last thing i will ever write and if someone finds this it’s REAL the Luxu Beast with its eyes and gnashing teeth it fucking ate J and i saw it crunch down his bones like they were just splinters and i found this cabin hiding in a cabin now and there are these pelts and heads it’s fucking killed people so many people and i

[theteapotofdoom]

u have any more bnha theory type blogs,,, i love character study and all that good shit ..

Very sorry about the late answer!

I, unfortunately, don’t know many bnha theory blogs! It might sound weird, but I actually don’t read much meta or theories. I like to write some myself on occasion, but it’s often just a way for me to vent about how I feel about certain plot points by just throwing my opinion out there in the void of the internet. I still read meta and theories occasionally if I find a really good one, but I don’t really look for it. I just like to be surprised by Horikoshi most of the time! (Also this is gonna sound lame, but sometimes theorising about the future of my faves triggers my anxiety).

That being said, I really like most of @happojin thoughts on Tomura and the villains in general. They haven’t been very active recently, and I don’t think they consider themselves a meta/theory blog. But I liked to read their thoughts during the MVA arc! We don’t agree on everything, but we had some really long and really fun convos through dm! I haven’t seen them online in a while, but their previous takes are still on their blog if you want to check them out! It’s mostly villain/tomura centric but it’s good!

Anyone reading that post, feel free to interact with this post to share your own favourite meta and theory blogs!

[heyyouwiththeprettyface18]

Where I've Been and My Relationship with Social Media

Do I think anyone actually cares about this and missed my presence online? Well yeah. I have friends on here so I would like to imagine they did. I had one amazing and lovely soul sending me memes during my break and I love her for it! Am I screaming into the void in a way to work out my own emotional state? Well, yeah. This isn't for notes. This is for me.

It all started about two years ago. One of my best friends in the whole world, who I will refer to as Amy, messaged me one day before school and told me that she was stepping away from social media. She was deleting snapchat, Instagram, facebook and any other various profiles she had. At the time I felt like King George in 'I Know Him', I wasn't aware that was something a person could do. Why would this gorgeous, college age student want to get rid of her social media? Didn't she want to be connected to the rest of the world? Didn't she want the validation from her peers? Didn't she want to just be able to look up someone and know everything she ever needed to know about them? Keep in mind this was the time where I considered myself something of an internet sleuth for my friends, family and occasionally teachers (Shout out to Mr. Hunter). But she was my friend. And I was going to support the hell out of whatever Amy wanted to do.

To this day she is still off social media and she is happier than ever. And that freedom she felt from society constantly throwing all sorts of unachievable standards in her face all the time? Slowly became more attractive to me as I got older. A while ago, maybe around the same time Amy deleted everything (I really can't remember) I uninstalled Facebook from my phone. It was so freeing? I didn't have to see all the negativity on there and the politics from my father's side of the family. It was so nice. That's when I got my first taste for it. This freedom. But that's about all I did until my first year in college.

December - February were weird months for me. Specifically when I was at school. Looking back on it, some of the reasons why it was so weird seem trivial. But at the time they meant everything to me. It seemed like I was losing some irl friends and a few online ones. Not to mention college chemistry and accounting made me breakdown about 10 times total. I remember calling another one of my best friends, Ellie for the sake of the story, sobbing. I felt so genuinely alone. I felt like all the people up at my school either just barely tolerated me or hated me. I think that's the loneliest I've ever been.

You might be wondering why this has anything to do with social media? Well. Let me tell you. This emotional breakdown of mine happened after I saw a photo posted of two of my friends out getting doughnuts from our favorite place without me. It's so stupid. But I was in a very fragile place. I was trying to figure out a lot of things. Classes, friends, sexuality, past trauma, self worth, whether or not I should have gone to therapy. Looking back on it, Jesus Christ I wish I did. It was just a lot. So in a brash decision I deactivated my Instagram. Didn't tell anyone. Didn't think anyone would care. People did. So after about a week I reactivated it. I couldn't stand not knowing what people (aka Tom Holland and Taylor Swift) where posting. So I chugged along.

And then a fucking Pandemic happened.

It's nice to be home. I'm a total mama's girl and am attached to her at the hip. Which is another reason why I wasn't doing so hot at college looking back on it. But all I was doing at home was my class work and scrolling through the toxicity that is Twitter, the pretty photos of Instagram or Tiktok. I would get frustrated at the people not wearing masks or that people were still going out in public. And it slowly worked at my nerves.

Before I knew it, Black Lives Matter was in full swing because of the disgusting murder of George Floyd by the racist police officer. There are two things you need to know about me: I am extremely empathetic and I have seen some shit. I have never been so distrusted or viscerally affected by a piece of footage in my whole life. After that, I was on Twitter reading and retweeting everything I could. Signing every petition I saw pop up. Trying to educate myself. And I did. I will be the first to admit, I still have a lot to learn what it means to be a good ally. But the negativity and guilt I was feeling, was coming from me. Nothing I did felt good enough. I wasn't able to attend protests because of online classes and I was only able to donate about $20 dollars to charity because I am not working right now. It just didn't feel good enough in my eyes. I wanted to do so much more. And for the record I still want to do more. I'm looking into ways that I can help the BLM movement, even though I am currently off social media.

And that's when something happened that I wasn't expecting. I was rewatching an old episode in Jacksepticeye's animal crossing series where he went off on a tangent about social media and mental health. I was making breakfast while I was watching it. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened to what he had to say. And I kept it in my as I watched the current state of my YouTube life get turned upside a few weeks ago.

That's when I realized social media was really hurting my mental health. That day I deleted Twitter from my phone and deactivated Instagram again. At this point I had already deleted Tumblr from my phone because at the time I thought this site was the soul reason I was unhappy with my relationship on the internet. This was the first time I purged myself of all three of these social medias at that the same time. Also I stopped looking at snapchat stories and privated a lot of my boards on Pinterest. And it was so good. I have been so much happier since cutting the negativity and helplessness I felt out of my life. I was calmer. I allowed myself to focus on the things that made me happy.

I was getting to hang out with my friends a little bit more. I started playing DnD and am in love with my character. I started taking more Polaroids. I was taking drives. I'd sit at the park with ice cream and enjoy summer. Dancing alone in my house. I was writing again and developing characters that I've had for years that are desperate need of a face lift. Baking and cooking again. Watching things that made me happy. I was living for me and finding positivity in my life again.

And I still am. It's still a work in progress sometimes to be happy like I want to be. But I'm willing to put in that work. It just so happened that cutting social media and that tie to society was what I needed. It was a small step, but it put me in a good direction. I've decided to come back to Tumblr and take my blog back for me and ignore some of the personal reasons why I got rid of it in the first place. This was a power move for me, and I'm happy to be back.

I've been debating about making a new Instagram account, to follow a select number of friends but probably not. I'll be damned if I ever redownload Twitter on my phone again. So if you're one of my mutuals and you want to talk outside of tumblr the social medias I still have are: discord, pinterest, and snapchat.

TL;DR: I got really sad and frustrated. So I pulled a Taylor Swift pre REP era and disappeared. I'm doing pretty good and am still working on achieving my definition of happiness. And if I had to give advice, I guess I'd say that take a week break from social media see how you feel. Who knows, you might not even miss it.

Remember: Drink water, moisturize, wear a mask, Black Lives Matter and Always Keep Fighting

W/ Love,

Laura

[toaarcan]

Scourge the Hedgehog: The Bad Fanfic Apotheosis

Y’all are gonna hate me for this one.

This is something of a followup to my previous post, Fiona Fox: Depth vs. Prominence, and inspired directly by the discussion I had with a friend in the comments section of the DA upload of it.

Part 1: Fanfic vs. Canon- Genesis of the Recolour Elements of the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog comic have long been compared to a bad fanfiction, particularly the parts of the story written by Ken Penders, though other writers like Bollers, Chacon, and Flynn have drawn that label too. I'm one of the people that's done it, and that's largely because I hold fanfic and official material to very different standards. There are certain things you can do in fanfic that you can't do in official material, especially with franchises like Sonic, and especially with more niche parts of said franchise, like a comic series. Of course, there are also certain things you can do in both, but you probably shouldn't. And Scourge is one of them. What exactly the process behind Scourge's creation was is something that's been debated. For a lot of people, he's considered to be a parody of the then-rampant "Sonic Recolour" fad, wherein fans would take screenshots of Sonic X, and other official artwork, and then edit it in Microsoft Paint, or another similar program, to create their own characters and stories. Now, this was long decried by other fans, myself included, as incredibly lacking in creativity and originality. It also had an "Ew, cringe" reaction, due to the often-shoddy editing, text-to-speech voices, and usually some top-tier mid-2000s Nu Metal for the music. These days, it's much easier to look back and say "These were mostly made by kids who were just having fun, and it's completely harmless", and it becomes apparent that a lot of the people that were making fun of them and criticising them were grown men, at which point you kinda realise that this "internet fad" was basically just bullying a bunch of children for not being up to the creative standards of some adults. Everybody was looking for the next Chris-Chan, but Chris-Chan is a near-unique entity, as only one other person alive has ever managed to combine that sheer void of talent with a monumentally repulsive personality, and that person is Ken Penders. But Sonichu is the least interesting thing about Chris, and Chris became the laughingstock that he is because of his inability to avoid posting his entire life on the Internet, which was something of a rarity in those halcyon days before the rise of modern social media. Sonichu was a gateway to the actually interesting content also on his channels, whereas these recolour-creators didn't have anything like that, just endless Windows Movie Maker slideshows. And, like, Chris was in his 20s when he became the Internet's punching bag for the first time, and while he's a horrible person, so were the people that dedicated their time and effort to trolling him- His story is fascinating, but it has no heroes. And into this collective cocktail of grown men shitting on preteens, so Ian Flynn introduced Scourge the Hedgehog. Is Scourge a parody of Sonic recolours? I sincerely hope not. The reason for that is twofold, and I'll discuss how his portrayal generally doesn't seem to be mocking those tropes further down the page, but the second issue with the idea that he is a parody is best explained by Sir Terry.

Parody can never punch down, and as a then-24 year old man writing official canon for a franchise, mocking a bunch of 10 year olds on the Internet for making bad stories would definitely be punching down. And, as I said, nothing about the way Scourge is written is in any way poking fun at the tropes of these fancharacters and stories. It's pretty much all played completely straight. So not only do I hope Ian wasn't trying to mock these fancharacters, but there's also little reason to believe that he actually was.   He's not a parody, he is a send-up. And on the one hand, it's kinda nice to throw a bone to those kids. But on the other hand... is Scourge really the character you want to represent your part of the fandom in official material? A cruel, violent, abusive, vicious monster that spends his time palling around with a girlfriend that the writer reforged to be the most unlikable character in the entire comic? Yeah, can't say that's what I'd want if I were one of those people, but he seems to be popular enough, so maybe I'm in the minority there. But now we get to the meat of the problem. You see, the way Scourge is written is one of those things that you can do in fanfic, but you shouldn't do in canon. Part 2: What is a Mary-Sue? The term "Mary-Sue" gets thrown around a lot these days. It's gradually lost all meaning, and has slowly become a term for "Female character that I don't like," mainly used by whiny, easily-offended Broflake Youtubers, who get all pissy that Star Wars films aren't specifically catering to them, to the point that you only have to make a girl be good at something in a movie and these pissbabies lose their shit. I liked Episode VII and VIII more than I, II, or VI, get fucked. But what, then, is a Mary-Sue? And why is it relevant to Scourge? The answer to that first question is a lot more complicated than it might seem. Not just because there are now several different varieties of the trope, but also because the trope itself evolved as it began to be applied to non-fanworks, and additionally because the name itself is somewhat non-indicative. A male Mary-Sue can exist, though these are normally referred to as "Marty-Stue" or "Gary-Stue", or more cynically "The Protagonist". Check out the average Batman comic these days and you'll see what I mean. Originally, the term applied only to a self-insert character in a fanfic, that was an overly-idealised version of the author, dramatically overpowered, hugely popular, normally dating whichever member of the cast the author wanted to bone, or sometimes multiple partners at the same time, along with a few other traits. It's actually pre-Internet term, originating in a Star Trek fanzine when "Mary-Sue" was created as a parody of other fans' similar characters. Over time, the trope evolved to the point that, while the "author avatar" feature is still a pretty big indicator, it's not really necessary. So while there are probably plenty of people out there who want to be Batman, not every character that is a Mary-Sue is someone for the author to project themselves onto, and not every author avatar is a Mary-Sue. Generally, the important features of a Mary-Sue are now: 1) Receives a great deal of favouritism from the author 2) More powerful than the rest of the cast, often to the point of absurdity 3) Faces zero consequences for their actions. 4) Liked by characters that have no reason to do so 5) In a relationship with a character that has no reason to date them, previous relationships be damned. 6) Most importantly, the story will bend over backwards to give them easy wins, even in situations where they logically should struggle. You're probably starting to get where I'm going with this, and if you're not... Part 3: Creator's Pet Scourge is a Creator's Pet. He gets shown a fair bit of favouritism from Ian Flynn, primarily the guise of how much focus he gets. Scourge is the most prolific villain in Ian's run, aside from Eggman himself. While other, better villains like Mogul and Naugus were being imprisoned repeatedly until one retired and the other became a dog, and a huge chunk of the comic's remaining antagonists were being subsumed into the Eggman Empire, Scourge was only moving up, not only being the villain of Ian's first two issues on the book, but continuing to make sporadic appearances for the next twenty issues, before appearing as the new leader of the Destructix under Finitevus in the Enerjak Reborn arc, followed swiftly by a stint as the Big Bad in Bold New Moebius. Does he actually deserve this level of importance? You be the judge, but personally, I don't think so. Even within those stories, Scourge gets special treatment, the biggest and most obvious being Metal Scourge. Now, personally, I think Metal Scourge was a better character than Scourge himself, but the fact that, of all people, Scourge got a Metal counterpart before anyone else, including Knuckles, who had such a counterpart in the games for over a decade by that point.  Especially since, well... Metal and Mettle is a fun story, but it doesn't really do anything for Bold New Moebius as a whole, does it? It's basically pure filler, only really serving to add another dead Metal Sonic to Ian's list and stall the plot out for a bit longer. And, of course, the most clear indicator of Scourge's favouritism is that he was he first Archie character to receive his own Sonic Universe arc, and the only one to do so without needing two or three SEGA characters also making up the rest of the lead cast. "Lockdown" isn't a particularly good story, but its existence speaks to not just the insane popularity that such an unworthy character received, but also Archie's willingness to indulge that. Sonic Universe was largely intended to tell stories revolving around the members of the SEGA cast that, for whatever reason, weren't able to regularly appear in the main book. This... frequently got broken, with Sonic, Tails, Sally, Bunnie, Antoine, and Amy all taking centre-stage in the book before obvious candidates like the Chaotix got a look in, some of them twice over, but Scourge was the only time they were willing to try a story based entirely around one of their characters, and they gave it to the already extremely prominent Scourge. It's pretty clear that Ian loved using this character, and did so as much as possible. YMMV on whether that's good or not. Part 4: Scourge OP plz nerf Let's be real, he's overpowered as fuck. Now, overpowered characters aren't necessarily bad, but it's significantly harder to write an OP character than an on-average one, and Scourge didn't work out so well. From the moment he turns green, he's basically unstoppable. The one time he actually seems to remotely struggle is actually in 161, where he looks ever-so-slightly winded after curbstomping Sonic and Shadow at the same time. From then on, while he does start to slowly even out with Sonic, he also continues to utterly demolish basically everyone else, especially his easy conquest of Moebius. It's been suggested that conquering Moebius should be easy, because the big threats are all good, kind people there, but that somewhat ignores that there are anti-versions of the heroes kicking about too. All the (Mostly) benevolent rulers of the Primeverse should be tyrannical despots there, and there are excessively powerful entities like the Anti-versions of Merlin and the Guardians, not to mention whatever horrors Anti-Gerald would've unleashed on the world, and that's without the Suppression Squad themselves. While the comic has generally treated Sonic as being able to stomp the entire rest of the FF, well, who says it has to be a fight? Why the fuck doesn't Patch just poison him? I mean, the obvious answer is "Because then Bold New Moebius won't have a main villain", and sometimes contractual villain immortality has to be a thing, but a good writer should be able to avoid putting the characters in that position. Following on from that, Scourge gets to fight basically the entire FF and Suppression Squad at the same time, (Sonic and Amy are absent and Fiona is on his side), and he's winning until Sonic shows up. Then directly after that is the hedgehog brawl, and despite Sonic managing to get everyone against Scourge, he easily manages to escape and break out his Super form. Even after spending his time in the No-Zone completely powerless, Scourge manages to break out the moment he gets his powers back, despite the prison being full of characters who should be equally or more powerful than him, and the police force that caught them all, basically unchallenged. Scourge never faces an actual challenge in the comic. He never struggles, and the one time he actually loses? Ian makes up some new lore on the spot, which is contradictory to SEGA lore from the same year, and then uses that to have Sonic trick Scourge into depowering himself. Not only does Scourge never struggle with anything, but he also never actually loses a fight. Part 5: When will you learn, that your actions have consequences?! Probably never, because Scourge's actions never have consequences. Throughout his entire run, Scourge gets to go wherever he wants, do what he wants, with or to whomever he wants, and he never has to deal with the fallout of the decisions he makes. Absorbs the energy of a matter world into his antimatter body? He's better than fine, it only made him stronger. Turns up in Knothole with his secret girlfriend's hated arch rival by his side? Never mentioned again. Blows Fiona's connection to him, costing Finitevus' operation a potential spy in Knothole, where Knuckles is? Not even considered a factor. Ditches Finitevus to go and make Moebius into an egopolis? Finitevus isn't bothered, and supports Fiona's efforts to rescue him later down the line after than plan backfired on him. Blinds Patch in one eye out of jealousy/spite? The guy that poisoned Armand and Max, took a torch to Antoine's personal life, took advantage of Sally's frayed mental state, emotionally damaged Bunnie, and tried to assassinate Elias to get what he wanted lets him get away with it. Openly announces that he's going to destroy both worlds? Conveniently does it when he's alone with Sonic so nobody can tell Fiona what she's letting herself in for. He eventually does get sent to jail, but he breaks out with ease the next time he turns up. Because, y'know, that's just what we want to see. Villains never having to deal with karma. Part 6: What does anyone see in him? Scourge doesn't quite get the "everyone loves him" treatment, but he still gets a whole lot more respect than he's ever earned. Both Sonic and Zobotnik are portrayed arbitrarily deciding that maybe there's a shred of good in this monster, and this is the part where I stress that he's abusive again. Maybe if I repeat that enough it'll sink in. Despite knowing full-well the sort of person Scourge is, Sonic's response to Scourge's crappy cribbing of the "One Bad Day" speech is to try and turn it around and claim that Scourge only needs a tiny bit of decency to be a good person, and this is outright untrue, and given what we see of Scourge later, I'm frankly disgusted that Ian tried to pull this with a character he'll pretty much unambiguously portray as an abuser. Zobotnik's case is even more baffling. We're introduced to the guy in the Lockdown arc, and it's implied that he's effectively a tyrannical warden, ruling over the No-Zone with an iron fist, taking an almost sadistic delight in punishing the inmates. But yet, for whatever reason, he decides that it's a good idea to try and rehabilitate Scourge, for no adequately established reason. Even on the other side of the morality line, we have Finitevus, who apparently respects Scourge enough to not just make him leader of the Destructix during the Enerjak Reborn arc, despite him very clearly not being a leader, and not being liked by any of his comrades except Fiona, but then when he promptly ditches the whole plan toward the end, Finitevus apparently decides that he not only wants to get him back, but is willing to go to great lengths and risk losing the only team of mercenaries dumb enough to work for a guy who is quite open about his intentions to "purify the world with Chaos fire" in order to do it. And speaking of, the most egregious case of this comes again in Lockdown, where the Destructix all end up siding with Scourge. Across the second half of the arc, Scourge learns his new team's backstories, and despite them clearly showing traits and beliefs that should make them respect him less, this somehow works in his favour, and he manages to wrest leadership of the team from Fiona. Especially galling is that it appears that Fiona loses their respect early on because of her faith in Scourge, who to them, looks pathetic, but then they end up supporting him anyway, despite doing nothing to earn it. But wait, one's missing... Looks like it's that time again. Part 7: Oh right, he's an abuser. It's time to talk about Fiona. Fiona's heel turn is really, really effective at selling you on the idea that Fiona is a vile, cruel, and selfish person. It's a dramatic, "big bang" moment that, in basically a single panel, got an entire fandom to hate a character. Now for some it was more of a "Love to hate" thing, but there are plenty of people out there who just really hate Fiona for this single moment. And when you're introducing a new major villain, maybe that's what you want to accomplish. What it doesn't do, however, is sell you on her motives for taking that course of action. Fiona, for the rest of her existence, mainly antagonises Sally, whom she has no worthwhile connection to on either side of her turn, other than being the evil  Sally to Scourge's Evil Sonic, and stands around or clings to Scourge's arm, looking smug about her abusive relationship. And yes, it is abusive, verbal abuse is still abuse, and the implications that he's physically abusive are present too. I know this is something that Scourge's fans don't really want to accept, but it's true, and we're going to get into that later. For now, what matters is that this character's run as a villain mainly consists of: Fiona: "Hey Sugar-Queen, look at how much my boyfriend yells at me and insults me, and probably beats me when he's angry. I make smart decisions and you suck." We never come to understand why this character, who is so motivated by her belief that everyone will eventually double-cross her that she has decided to start lashing out at people before they can turn on her, is willing to put her faith 100% in someone so repeatedly deceptive that he first approached her by pretending to be someone else. Like, in terms of bad first impressions, that's up there with arriving at a job interview in full clown regalia. The comic makes no effort to show why these characters like each other. Scourge allegedly likes her because she chooses to turn evil and join him, rather than being born evil, but this clashes with not only the fact that Fiona is a genuinely good person before this, who makes a solid effort to stay loyal to her friends first, and is lured into villainy by him, but also the fact that she blames everyone but herself for her current situation, but especially with the fact that all of the foreshadowing for Fiona turning evil consists of people not trusting her because she has a shady history. Scourge claims to appreciate that Fiona is a good person that chooses to be evil, but the narrative has a clear message of "If you started evil, it doesn't matter if you try to become good, you will always revert to type." Which isn't exactly a good message, Ian. In return, all we get from Fiona's side is that Scourge "has no expectations of her and just wants to have fun", which clashes entirely with how we see them interact in subsequent arcs, where Fiona frequently looks disturbed or apprehensive, or just bored, while Scourge yells at her and threatens her for not meeting his standards. Seriously, why do people ship this? But okay, okay. Scourge is a good liar, and Fiona's established paranoia and history do make her vulnerable to manipulators like him, so maybe she falls for his lies and gets taken for a ride. That could happen, sure. Doesn't really explain why she becomes a horrendous person all of a sudden, but whatever. Maybe he convinced her to do it as a sort of hazing, and a means of ensuring she couldn't go back. That fits with his abusive nature (You might also notice that this the explanation I used in Revival). But why does she stay? And why does she refuse every out she's given? Why, after everything that pulled her to his side has turned out to be bullshit, does she remain devoted to him? Now, you can argue that due to the abuse and the manipulation she's suffered, she believes she has to stay with him, and that's a fair shout, but her appearance in Journey to the East is kind of a stumbling block for that theory, because we're shown a Fiona who is fully capable of functioning without him, and even after making efforts to establish herself... the next time we see her she's gone back for him. And now... well, it's time to talk about that "A" word I've been bringing up a lot in this section. Scourge is abusive. I've frequently referenced that he verbally abuses Fiona every time she displeases him across the book, but the most telling scene is this one from Issue 190.

"You do not want to be sent back with me." Translation: "If I get sent back, and you're sent back too, I'm going to beat the shit out of you." Fiona (With her invisible left arm) isn't excluded from this threat. Fiona isn't surprised by this threat either. Nor does she not take the threat seriously. She looks like she's expecting to be struck. He beats her. And please, nobody say that "he's just angry", that's apologism. Now, I dunno if this was in the script, or if Fiona's face was something Yardley did on his own, but given that this arc ends with Super Scourge announcing his intention to destroy both Mobius and Moebius, simply because he can, regardless of the collateral, I'm willing to bet that this relationship wasn't a happy, stable one. But, unfortunately, this element was never made clear enough. Now, your mileage may vary on whether you think Sonic the Hedgehog comics are the appropriate place to discuss abusive relationships or not, but we've got one now, and Ian dropped the ball. This wasn't a Joker/Harley, where the pairing was clearly abusive but also sold DC/Warner millions of dollars worth of merch, this wasn't a RWBY, where Adam took three years to show up and had already won a huge number of fans from his admittedly cool design and powers, so people already liked him before they even knew what his personality was like. Ian had full control over this, no merch to worry about, and Scourge's prolific appearances gave him plenty of opportunity to make it clear that this was an ugly, repulsive thing that Fiona needed to get out of ASAP. And he didn't. Because panels like this, and all the yelling, clearly weren't enough for the fandom. No, you point this detail out to them and they'll make excuses, try to pretend it didn't happen, or just get offended, or worst of all, outright say they don't care and still ship it. We have fanartists who became real official artists creating stories where this garbage-fire pairing is used for sad feels, not because Fiona got stuck in a relationship with a controlling, violent monster, but because oh no they really loved each other and now Fiona's dead isn't it tragic don't you feel sorry for Scourge? No. No I don't. I feel sorry for the thousands of teenagers who support an abusive relationship because Ian was too cowardly to make it clear that the relationship in question was just that. Now, do I think that Ian is an intentional abuse apologist? No. Do I think he wimped out of taking the necessary steps to make it clear that this was bad because he didn't want people to dislike his shitty pet villain? Oh yeah, I do. Scourge's reputation was more important to Flynn than appropriately and sensitively portraying a destructive, damaging relationship between a woman and her monstrous partner. Well, I say "Woman", let's not forget that Fiona was meant to be sixteen, and realistically if you take her timeline into account she's more likely to be about fourteen. Real fucking classy. Part 8: Effort? What effort? So, now we get to our final criteria. And frankly, it's the easiest one to cover. From the moment, Scourge turns green, his life becomes a cakewalk. Everything he ever wants is handed to him with zero actual struggle on his part. Wants to be stronger than Sonic? He is. Zero side-effects to using a Chaos energy form from a mirror universe, or having a Super transformation interrupted, he just seemingly gets to be half-Super forever. Wants another leg-up on Sonic? Here's Fiona, sans personality. Sonic says he's just a lame ripoff of himself? He conquered a planet in a week, look at how cool he is. Also his team all roll over and make him their leader even though they hate him and they could easily kill him. He gets to walk through the entire FF/Squad teamup, and the Hedgehog teamup, and then when he gets to the No-Zone, Zobotnik, who has kept far smarter and more dangerous characters locked up for decades arbitrarily decides to reform him and gets completely suckered by him. The Destructix fully throw in with him, despite him never actually earning their respect. He never loses a fight where he wasn't depowered first. You know what the irony of this is? Ian has a character whom he is contractually obligated to never have lose for longer than an issue or two. And honestly, he wasn't awful at disguising that. Sonic gets a few wins that feel too easy, but for the most part, the issues with this rule mainly manifest in Sonic's limp responses to the tragedies happening around him, and a sprinkling of minor failures and pyrrhic victories ensure that the rule looks more like shoddy writing in a few places unless you're explicitly told about it. And even then, he still manages to make it look like Sonic struggles to attain those victories, that he has to actually put his back into it every time. He is challenged. Scourge isn't allowed to be challenged. That's the irony. Ian has a protagonist who he is not allowed to have lose, and Sonic still manages to be avoid looking like a boring invincible hero, while Scourge just never faces anything that can actually pose a threat to him. Powerful opponents crumple before him. Characters' personalities and development shift to suit his needs. The plot warps to benefit him. Because heaven forbid Scourge actually have to work for his wins. Who needs stakes when you can have the writer on your side! Part 9: In summation... I think you should've all twigged where this is going by now, so let's wrap up. 1) Does Scourge receive a great deal of favouritism from the author? Yes. 2) Is Scourge more powerful than the rest of the cast, often to the point of absurdity? Yes. 3) Does Scourge face zero consequences for his actions? Yes. 4) Is Scourge liked or respected by characters that have no reason to do so? Yes. 5) Is Scourge in a relationship with a character that has no reason to date him? Yes. 6) Most importantly, does the story will bend over backwards to give Scourge easy wins, even in situations where he logically should struggle? Yes. According to these criteria, Scourge the Hedgehog is almost a textbook example of a Mary-Sue. Which is probably why something as disgusting as him got away with so much. I guess, then, that his role in Revival, and a lot of the stuff before that, is the unfortunate reality of a Mary-Sue who suddenly has to deal with the fact that they're no longer getting that special treatment from the writer. That now their actions have consequences, that now the universe doesn't shape itself to their desires.

[lcnguor]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:  

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess.......  so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

[bytheangell]

Alihotsy Draught, Babbling Beverage, Shrinking Solution?

Alihotsy Draught: name and write about a few topics you’re really passionate about.- Writing? I mean, I love writing. It’s my biggest passion and I do it because I enjoy it. It will never stop being amazing to me to consider that the random ideas in my head have an active audience if I throw them into the void of the internet, and that’s just the coolest thing ever. - Outside of writing as a personal passion, I don’t have a lot of like... actual passions? Which sounds weird to admit but... I don’t know. I think it’s because I like a lot of things in the moment, or in phases. I bounce around a lot from hobby to hobby or interest to interest, so I don’t have any single thing I’ve dedicated years of my live to researching or anything like that. - But I guess if I can circle back to fandom for a hot second, I’m pretty passionate about just letting people like the things they like, so long as it isn’t hurting me. “Don’t yuck on someone else’s yum” is a phrase Ze Frank used  years ago that always stuck with me. No one is going to like all the the things I like. I’m never going to like all of the things someone else is. But I don’t have to make it a point to say “HEY I THINK THIS IS GARBAGE BECAUSE I DO NOT PERSONALLY LIKE IT” if it doesn’t hurt me to exist in it’s own little corner. I’ve had people shit on something I did just because they didn’t personally like it, when it wasn’t hurting them to just exist and they could’ve just clicked away or not read it or whatever, which is a crappy feeling I don’t want anyone else to have for any reason. 

Babbling Beverage: what kind of person are you when you’re drunk/hyped up on caffeine?- These are two VERY DIFFERENT ELLES, OKAY. Drunk Elle is a total toss-up. I’m either a total emotional mess if I’m alone and drinking because I feel like spiralling into a 3x17 Magnus-level pit of ‘what good am I to the world’ levels of self-deprication, or I’m a blast because I’m far more outgoing and willing to actually talk and engage with people around me. It is one or the other and no in-between. Caffeine, though? I’m normally over-caffeinated when I haven’t been sleeping, so I’m just a jittery ball of alertness. My leg is bouncing. I’m talking too fast. I can’t focus on any one thing. That was me ALL DAY at work today and I felt so bad for the poor kid next to me because I just did not stop moving the entire last 2 hours of my shift. OOPS.  

Shrinking Solution: How tall are you? Do you like your height (why/why not)?- I’m 5′2″. I wouldn’t mind being taller because it would make all of this weight gain I’ve had the past few months spread out a bit more >.> but outside of that and just about like, actually being short? I don’t mind it at all! I mean I’ve ever been tall so I don’t know if I’d like that better or not, but I don’t have any issues with being short, even if it means I have to climb up on the counter to reach things on the very top shelf in the cabinet sometimes. 

(Send me Potions Asks!) 

[anogete]

Can you give us some tips to write fics? I just adore your writing style and your stories

Hey, anon!  Thank you!  ::blushes::

Everyone writes differently, so I don’t know that my tips will work across the board.  However, I’m happy to list some things I’ve embraced over the years that help me enjoy writing.  Onwards to the bulleted list…

> Like Nike says, “Just do it.”  Seriously.  Just write.  Sit down and write down whatever is in your head.  Maybe it’ll become something, maybe it won’t.  Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to write this or that or you might lock up.

> Don’t be too hard on yourself if you think your writing isn’t up to your own standards or isn’t as good as so-and-so.  Sometimes you don’t have perspective and can’t see how good it is.  Or maybe you just need to practice some more.  I’ve been writing fanfic on and off for 20 years.  You get better with practice.

> You know what else you get better with?  More life experience.  I’d venture to say that most fanfic authors that get lotsa love are over the age of 35.  I don’t have a way of proving it, but I’d say their writing resonates with people because they’ve lived through some shit and have figured out how to put that shit and/or that emotion down on paper.  So, live.  Don’t be afraid of jumping into something as long as you’re not being unsafe or careless with your life.  Move away from home, do things you want to do even if you have to do them alone, go on dates, talk to people, fall in love, go after the job you want, get the ice cream even if you’re on a dumb diet.  Live, dude.

> Write every day even if you can only grab 15 minutes on your phone.  Google Docs helps with this.  You can pick right up where you left off on any device.

> Try to find hours in your week that you can dedicate to writing.  Make that a date with yourself and block out distractions.  Make a cup of tea or coffee or Dr. Pepper or whatever you love and settle in to write.  Read the last few pages that you’ve written and go from there.  Don’t get up and leave until the time you set aside is over.

> If you’re stuck then change something.  Change something in the story.  Maybe your original plan isn’t working for a reason and you need to take it in a different direction.  Change your physical location.  If you can, pack up your laptop or tablet or whatever and go somewhere else.  I love going to Starbucks and getting a drink and sitting there mooching off their wifi.  I’ve gone to cafes and restaurants with wifi, ordered, and sat by myself at a table.  Shove some earbuds in your ear and block out the world.  If you don’t have wheels or cash to pay for a table, go outside and write without internet.

> Try different writing methods to see what works for you.  Some people like to write as they go.  Some people like to outline in detail.  If I’ve got a dialogue-heavy scene to write and I’m having trouble getting it out, I’ll write the dialogue without anything else. Then I’ll go back later and add in the other stuff. Sometimes this helps dialogue sound more realistic since you’re writing it at the pace they would be saying it in your head.  

> Get a beta who will give you their honest opinion, not just on grammar/spelling/typos, but on the sentence structure and plot and characterizations.  When they tell you something doesn’t seem right or they noticed a problem with X, Y, or Z, listen to them.  Try not to get defensive and upset that they don’t love every single thing you do.  That would be impossible.  Try to step back and look at it from their point of view.  After you do that, always remember you can ignore what they said.  You can keep your fic exactly the way you wrote it.  But give their critique some serious thought because they are probably right and you are probably wrong.

> If you can, avoid posting anything until it is finished.  Personally, I have three reasons for this.  1 - I buckle under the pressure of having to quickly write a chapter so as not to let down readers who are reading/commenting and eager for more.  2 - Writing in a vacuum without input from others allows you to tell YOUR story.  Once you start posting it, people will comment on things they want to happen or think will happen.  This is great and lovely to read as an author, but it might influence you or make you feel obligated to throw that in, even if it wasn’t part of your plan.  3 - You’ll probably have more readers that stick with you.  I know this might be a controversial statement to make, but I believe that in most (not all) cases, authors who are consistent about updating their fics with less than a week between chapters and authors who finish their fics have happier, more loyal, and more outspoken readers.  It helps build trust between the author and reader that they’ll be there for each other.

> Write what you love.  Write what you would want to read.  If you aren’t doing that, then you’re probably not going to be successful at it.  That doesn’t mean you can’t challenge yourself by doing something different, but if you look at your fic and think you wouldn’t choose to read it as a reader–well that’s a bad thing.  Fill the void.  Do you love Bruce/Darcy and wish you could read more?  Then write that fic you’d love to read.  Love Steve/Darcy?  Write that then!  Be shameless and use all the tropes you want.  People love that shit for a reason.  It’s awesome and makes us all squee.

Those are my tips and tricks, anon.  I hope this helps. :-)

[terrible-tentacle-theatre]

The Bestiary Revamped: Wyville’s Crownjelly

Disclaimer: While this article is founded in scientific fact, it contains hyberbole and conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. Do not take my ramblings at face value. You can find the sources at the end of the article and tools for scientific fact-checking under the “Learn more” link on my blog.

The old article can be read here.

At long last, today we finally return under the waves, and while we’re at it, why not go full fucking overboard? Here at the Terrible Tentacle Theatre, we pride ourselves on not having any idea what “moderation” means. If we return to the sea, there is only one place to go: down. Way, way down.

Say hello to the bathypelagic zone, the expanse of watery void stretching from 1000 to 4000 meters. Our passengers might want to look out their windows and observe the breathtaking scenery below:

Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong. That’s not your internet being shit again. That’s genuinely how it looks, in real life, when you descend to a depth of 3000 or so meters. Nature documentaries like to put more bioluminescent flecks of organic matter in it than a love-starved grandma does lights on the Christmas tree when her grandkids are visiting. However, in reality, making a 24/7 lightshow out of yourself is a preeeeetty bad idea, since it attracts the immediate attention of pretty much everything with huge fucking teeth in the vicinity. Hint: you’ll get eaten, pretty fast. In fact, this is the actual reason why anglerfishes do their little thing with the glowing lures, because anything and everything bigger than said lures will be attracted to it, allowing the anglerfish to basically pull a “gotcha” and eat them in turn.

My point being, if you see something shiny in the deep sea, do not go to investigate. Whatever is shining that light wants you to go there.

And that is also the prime tactic of today’s specimen, which takes the incredible freedom that comes with living in a realm of eternal darkness and emptiness and uses it to fulfill it’s lifelong dream of being a goddamn Pokemon master. Come with me on today’s adventure and you’ll soon see what I mean by that.

I often joke around about how some particularly strange species we review here look like aliens. However, if aliens did decide to visit Earth, Wyville’s crownjelly (Atolla wyvillei), also known as the atolla jellyfish or coronate medusa, wouldn’t be one of the aliens. It would be the fucking spaceship.

I mean, look at this damn thing. I can’t tell where it begins or ends, but I sure can tell where the fucking cockpit is. That is not how a jellyfish should operate; they should be controlled by a decentralized nervous system, not little green men from Planet Piss Off out to steal our hotdogs and happy thoughts because their planet doesn’t have any.

Of course, the scare factor of a glowing organic UFO mothership straight out of Roswelltunguska, Arizona swimming around in our oceans is somewhat mitigated by the fact that it’s tiny as shit. Standing at a diameter of about 15 centimeters (~6 inches), it’s either not a serious harm to humankind at large or the mothership of the smallest aliens ever. I’m inclined to believe the latter.

*squeaky helium voice* BOW DOWN TO ME PUNY EARTHLINGS

AND STOP LAUGHING DAMMIT

Of course, there is a very good reason for the crownjelly being as small as it is. In the deep sea, you can’t throw a brick without hitting absolute darkness and empty water. You take two steps to the left and BAM- you’ve just ran headfirst into fucking nothing at all. The bathypelagic zone where this thing hangs out on the regular is a really food-scarce place is what I’m getting at. And big bodies being as expensive to upkeep as they are, most deep-sea creatures are actually much smaller than nature documentaries would have you believe.

Another aspect of the deep ocean besides being empty also being darker than a Morlock’s asshole inside a cave. Therefore, any light sticks out like a sore thumb, drawing attention like Kim Kardashian did with that one photoshoot of hers. (Doesn’t matter which one, actually. All of them drew attention.) Wyville’s crownjelly exploits this to show us that these particular aliens aren’t interested in meeting our leader, only in playing Pokemon Go.

The whole entire process of capturing a shiny begins with the jellyfish carelessly frolicking across the deep sea, like all of them youngster with their fancy phones and smartwatches. For some inscrutable reason, this movement is accompanied by a steady red pulsing on the underside of its bell. For what reason, I cannot determine seeing as most creatures at that depth are completely fucking blind to the color red. The one species that can actually see red is one that you really don’t want to attract the attention of. In fact, messing with this guy is such a bad idea that its existence was literally what prompted me to start writing this blog in the first place and it served as the subject of my first Bestiary article.

Wyville’s crownjelly swimming, also known as Local Suicidal Idiot Takes a Walk. I mean seriously, you can’t even say that it doesn’t live in the same place as the loosejaw because both species are cosmopolitan. The only saving throw for the crownjelly is that it lives an average 2000 meters deeper than the loosejaw, otherwise this blaring red light would be the evolutionary equivalent of putting a big flashing “KICK ME” sign around your neck.

The first method of capturing sea creatures to train them and become the very best (like no one ever was) is the series of tendrils hanging from its bell, which the jellyfish uses to filter out and capture small prey animals that have the supreme bad luck to be in its vicinity. The alien abduction parallels are uncanny.

However, a second and much more impressive weapon in its arsenal is the long, trailing tentacle that is clearly visible on the above gif. This is coated in enough adhesive to make a hagfish gag, and the crownjelly uses it to its full extent to sate its rumbling belly. Streaming in the water like the latest shit-tier waifu harem show on Crunchyroll, it becomes an effective hunting tool for the benefit of the jellyfish. Anything snared by this appendage will be subjected to similar treatment that one might expect the villains in a Conan the Barbarian movie to do, being dragged after Wyville’s ruthless motherfucking crownjelly, sometimes for minutes, before it does an acrobatic little pirouette and swallows its helpless, snagged prey. Lovely feeding tactic.

Pictured: Wyville’s crownjelly on the hunt. Sadly it can’t really go “YEEHAW” under the water. Even if it had a voicebox all it would be good for would be gurgling.

However, that is not the most unusual feature about this cruel little cnidarian. There is yet one more trick that this deep-sea flying saucer holds, a trick which catapults it from “moderately interesting predator” right into “Kanto Elite Four” position. And that thing is its lights.

See, vicious as it is towards smaller animals, the crownjelly is actually a dirty, dishonorable coward, being equally afraid of bigger predators. Apparently this tiny creature composed of somewhere around 97% water counts as a delicious treat for some reason, seeing as even large active predators such as deepwater sharks munch on it regularly. (Then again, it is also possible that they’re simply too hungry to care about their record as gourmets with refined taste. This is the desolation that is the abyssal zone, afterall.)

Running from a sufficiently large and starved predator in the middle of a flat-empty expanse of water is, of course, hopeless, especially if you’re small as shit and your method of locomotion is the jellyfish equivalent of flapping your arms really fast to try to fly. Clearly, a different tactic must be employed here since this one is a one-way ticket to the town of Stomach, United States of Shark. And employ a different tactic it does.

Oh, boy, does it ever.

I have previously mentioned that the crownjelly is bioluminescent, and employs this attribute for some nefarous purpose. Of course, this is not the red pulsing I already mentioned, this is a whole ‘nother can of worms entirely. This is one of the most ingenious methods of defense I’ve ever seen.

If some foolish predator gives the atolla chase and inevitably catches it, the jellyfish activates its second, blue set of lights. Once again the UFO analogues become eeriely appropriate as the slightest touch sends the saucer-shaped animal into a frantic siren-like light show.

Recommended listening

This strange eruption of light is no mere panic response. It is a powerful and weird weapon of self-defense, carefully evolved to be as tacky and eye-catching as possible. It’s like a ganguro girl, only bioluminescent.

Of course, you might ask “why would the jellyfish want to be eye-catching? Isn’t being devoured by one predator a big enough problem for it already?” Well obviously it is, but this lightshow is actually its own circuitous path to freedom.

To understand this, picture the following. You are some big mean motherfucker making a living in the deep sea by eating as much as you can find. One day while taking your regular stroll through the absolute crushing darkness, you catch sight of a distinct, circular light in the distance; very flashy and very tasty-looking. You approach to investigate, and find a small jellyfish being caught by a larger and meatier animal.

What do you do?

Eat the jellyfish like a fucking idiot.

Eat the meatier, tastier predator.

If you answered “eat the predator”, congratulations! You’re at least as smart as a fish. And that is, in fact, exactly what Wyville’s crownjelly is counting on. While you’re busy making a meal of its predator, the jellyfish quietly and sneakily fucks off into the abyss before you could think about having it as dessert. And so, Wyville’s crownjelly will live to swim another day, thanks to the power of summoning a big tough animal and pitting it against another ani- OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S A POKEMON TRAINER.

Do you see why I thought that? If you sail out to sea with Pokemon Go open on your phone, and all gyms on the world oceans are captured by Team Instinct, you know who to blame.

Wyville’s motherfucking crownjelly.

Sources

Encyclopedia of Life

WoRMS - World Register of Marine Species

Ocean Biogeography Information System (OBIS)

Global Biotic Interactions

Widder, E. A. Eye in the Sea, NOAA Operation Deep Scope 2005.

Hunt, J.C. & D.J. Lindsay, 1998. Observations on the behavior of Atolla (Scyphozoa: Coronatae) and Nanomia (Hydrozoa: Physonectae): use of the hypertrophied tentacle in prey capture. Plankton Biology and Ecology, 45, 239-242.

Herring, P.J. & E.A. Widder, 2004. Bioluminescence of deep-sea coronate medusae (Cnidaria: Scyphozoa). Marine Biology, 146: 39-51

[shu-of-the-wind]

reblogging this again because i'm realizing that some people may never have had these guidelines explained to them, and examples are helpful.

THE DOS AND DONT'S OF INTERACTING WITH ONLINE CREATORS

DO: Leave us a lil comment or like if you enjoyed our work! Whether it's hitting the thumbs up on Youtube, kudosing/bookmarking on AO3, reblogging art on Tumblr (don't fucking repost it for god's sake reblog it from the artist you weirdos), just leave something to express appreciation! We create art because we enjoy it, we write because we love the source material, we film because we want to express our thoughts, and though we all accept that we are yeeting these things into the devil's asshole the internet void, it's nice to see when people appreciate stuff we work so hard on!

DON'T: Don't fucking comment if you don't have anything nice to say. It's one thing if someone says "concrit accepted!" or "discuss!" in their product and you offer a reasoned and polite criticism or contradicting point to the discourse, but don't be an ass just to be an ass. If you don't like, don't read/watch/reblog. We DO see your shitty commentary. We WILL know. And especially if we don't ask for commentary like that, it is inappropriate as hell. You wouldn't walk up to someone in an art gallery and tell an artist that you thought their work was shit (though considering how people behave at book signings people apparently do, but fuck those assholes). IF YOU ARE NOT ASKED TO PROVIDE CONCRIT, DO NOT OFFER IT WITHOUT ASKING FIRST.

DO: Send asks! We usually love talking to people (though if someone says "don't send me asks" please respect that you turds).

DON'T: Send us asks that make us the caretakers of your feelings. We aren't friends. If you want to be friends, you can approach us and be like "hey i think your thoughts are cool, do you want to talk about them" and usually we'll respond positively. Don't throw something like "I think about you naked" or "I had a dream about you" or "sometimes I worry you're gonna die and that makes me sad" into an ask box. That's the equivalent of walking into someone's house and announcing that you're going to be living there now, while we sit there watching TV and eating our Lunchables and wonder how the fuck this rando got into our house in the first place. What the fuck, guys.

tl;dr: there's a weird concept on the internet that the general rules of interacting with strangers just Don't Apply Here. This is Not True. If you wouldn't say it to someone irl, please for the love of alderaan don't say it to someone on the internet.

I woke up to an extremely inappropriate and line crossing ask this morning so I just want to make some boundaries clear. If we do not know eachother(if you just follow me on social media and watch my art we do not know eachother) dont tell me about dreams you have about me, dont tell me your in depth anxieties about me quitting, and if you ever think "I am being inappropriately parasocial" you probably are and should stop what you are doing. Because the individual, who is not the first and probably won't be the last to cross this line, directly acknowledged that element.

Parasocially relating to something is not inherently bad; it just means you feel something towards someone you do not know personally, its perfectly normal to relate to others. It is when you mistake parasocial for social and act vastly overly familiar with a stranger with no thought or an active disregard to our boundaries that it becomes a problem.

Artists are not a character in a show for you to invent a headcanon about, we are real people, please consider that what you send will be read by an actual person.

To be honest it is things like this which often upset me more than hate comments, especially after experiences of people obsessing over me for extended periods of time because I chose not to interact with them how they wanted/purposefully did not respond to them. Being a woman on the internet is exhausting and I would like for people to be less weird to me for five minutes thank you.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I finally wrapped up most of the damage from 2020.  Among all the pain and suffering I had to deal with from all sides, the financials were the most ambiguous.  I read all these thinks pieces about the lasting damage it has done to the American economy.  And then there’s the situations I find myself in that I am left to embrace alone.  The reality is that most people seem to think there’s nothing wrong with me.  Kind of like when I go to the dentist year after year and nobody ever says anything about fixing a crooked tooth.  They floss around it.   I feel them flossing around it.   I apparently wear the defects so well that they become me.  Whatever chunk was taken out of my life still keeps biting.  There are no shortage of victims in this day and age.  I’ve often had to read into the fact that nobody wants me to identify that way.  For some reason based on what people think they know about me there’s a judgement placed without my knowing it’s due process.  I’m laughably somewhere in the middle of everything through survival.  Getting into arguments online or in the street to prove points for yourself is a losing battle.  I have to realize the mindfuck of it all either way.  I’m constantly playing damage control in a world that shoots itself in the foot to feel alive.  If I look back at how long I’ve survived on this planet, I can admit to myself I’ve seen worse outcomes.  To think a year ago, I was in a stable job with a stable amount of debt I couldn’t quite escape the gravity from.  It was always me alone grinding to try and do that.  And to this day how many ever stories you’ve heard about me across the world don’t really pay the bills or encourage people to treat me like a human being.  I deal with people following me around and trying to communicate in ways I never consented to daily.  Everybody’s vampiric instinct for some sort of intelligent connection is at my footstep every ten feet when I go out for groceries.  People overstep the boundaries so much I’ve had to rewrite them for myself for protection.  Now I’m boxed into cheap rent with no guarantees and everybody’s opinion about me on eleven.  It’s the type of shit that would make anyone go nuts.  Let alone everyone struggling for pieces of your power so they can have the upper hand in terms of social dominance.  I get it.  Almost too much.  I live in a city where egos flare up every day.  There’s no shortage of people spray painting gang symbols in pink all over my alley because somebody made the mistake of getting it fucking twisted.  I have to walk through that aftermath and know it all.  That everything I say or do is watched, taken out of context, manipulated to start shit because somebody feels some type of way about shit they do not know the repercussions of.  People get shot in my city every day.  I walk alone.  Sometimes I take the bus when somebody is up in my face with something to prove on an abandoned street.  My imperfections of which there are many aren’t ever going to save me.  My brain does.  And of the most sexy things in this world beyond my greying hair, my coffee stained imperfect dentistry or my pockmarked skin, I am human too.  I live in a country where everyone envy’s the ability to speak freely without being taken to the stake for it.  That’s always been a lie.  I live that lie and dodge it every day.  And there are no real door prizes for second place in that battle except dwindling health care benefits and a lump sum pension.

On the other hand, through all this I continue to make magic happen.  I’m sure people can romanticize how it feels.  There are times when it feels like I’m worth it.  Everybody wants to roast you out here to feel better about themselves.  I’d rather have girls show off their makeup tutorials in safety around me than deal with your petty online hierarchies.  And this is what happens on a very hyperlocal level.  People out here know what I’m about for better or for worse.  It’s called the internet.  People all over the world seem to have an opinion about what makes me tick after I’ve spent over three years writing my heart and soul in three paragraphs on the internet.  And yet I’m still the enemy.  I’m still someone you don’t quite trust.  Someone you more than often throw under the bus because I can take it.  Or there’s something I haven’t been through yet that makes me less threatening.  To break me first so you can control me.  And yet here I am out here with the remote control to my own life boarded into a fiscal cage.  I’ve gone from worrying about money to worrying about when to switch to single payer healthcare.  I’ve gone from holding down the fort to wanting to pack up my cat and  leave completely.  And I will have nothing holding me back.  No hurt feelings.  No vampiric lust for revenge or closure.  No desire to be understood or seen.  People abuse me every day in public and online as their own personal punching bag because they don’t have the strength or the will to practice on the real enemy.  The same enemy I’ve been fighting up close and persona for years.  Does this make me a beast?  Yes.  It makes me far more powerful than anybody would ever know.  And yet I know the reality.  I’ve lived it in my own city for years.  People do not want people to be strong without some sort of failsafe device.  Some secret way to cancel their mutant powers.  Some word or phrase to break them when they fear the freedom and power running through their veins.  Most of the time when that happens I’m paying my bills on time while holding back endless waves of childhood trauma living and growing up weak, smart, and awkward in America.  And here I am still awkwardly unaccepted unless I submit.  Unless I show some sort of weakness I haven’t already conquered.  I’m defective just like you.  But somehow it’s inconvenient for you to approach the reasons you can’t see that.  You’d rather lump me in with everyone else and throw your shot.  You take the hail mary play I’ve seen time and time again from people who secretly are uncomfortable with me winning.  You try to make your bluff at the poken table and I have the winning hand.  Soon I just realize it’s not worth my time playing.  I find another table to saunter off to that doesn’t reward on house rules.  And here I am out here again winning in spite of all the shit you people constantly talk on your secret club house forums.  You might even take away bits and pieces of my own arguments over the years and use them against me.  And where do you end up?  In the same pitiful and tired argument over and over again.  Nobody is going to lift you up from the graves being built around you other than you.  This is what I have learned and have to process every day.  The last eleven months have been barren at best.  And yet I have no hope of it getting any better.  I’m hurt,  A pain that I’ve been able to manage by removing myself from culture that pokes and prods the scars.  Like they’re doing you a favor while they watch you sink.  Throwing rocks at the body floating down the river.  Me playing dead long enough to run away.

If you want me to be honest, it pisses me off how worthless it is to argue anymore.  To jump into this week’s political thought piece.  To argue what a bunch of rich people vote on and why.  To feel like you are part of any sort of people’s revolution that literally plays a ranking game in terms of suffering.  America is good at valuing things.  We take it to the extreme and drown everyone out in the process.  The whole world is learning from us.  And yet America and Americans are a diverse bunch.  About the only thing I can tell you about America that is working right now is the IRS.  That and my bank investigating just how many times I’ve been a target of fraud..  You’d think after all these words typed out into the internet that someone would realize I’m just as much of a victim as some people.  Maybe not in the same way.  But people would rather nitpick and point the finger to divert the attention from themselves.  And the eye of fucking Sauron is always on me.  Not you.  You do not understand the weight of that statement that I live with everyday.  Everyone has a fucking problem with me now.  I have to walk through that brutal street catwalk every day in a city that would rather shoot you than discuss it’s feeling about the situation.  And yet I’m supposed to feel sorry for everyone first.  I’m supposed to watch my tongue for the secret internet and cultural police that control who wins and who loses.  Did I forget to mention I live in America?  The country everyone lauds as being the freest place in the universe.  I’ll give you a hint.  It is.  I fucking live it.  I talk and write about it too.  And my voice is heard around the fucking planet without anybody having the least respect for how it plays out in my life.  I could have died many times over because somebody had to use my life to prove a point.  And it’s collapsed into a void in which I am trapped while everyone continues to throw stones.  Everyone except the people I love.  And the people that love me back.  I’m being real with you.  I stick my neck out every waking moment to live the life I believe is real.  And there are no guarantees.  No expectations.  No hope or clearly worded rules or communication on how to progress.  And week after week. Tooth after chipped and crooked tooth I speak my mind.  I walk with accountability while people stare at the fucking ground.  I live in a loneliness so deep and intense that ghosts still speak volumes.  Things will never be forgotten no matter how silent I become.  And yet people talk over it like I’m already dead.  They stop at nothing to invade my life and defile every chance for me to not fade away.  What in these three paragraphs to you defines me as the enemy?  Because I have more power to make my dreams come true?  Do you want to put yourself into the hell of walking in my shoes?  Do you want to wander these streets without a weapon other than your kindness and patience?  Do you lie awake at night thinking you will die alone without anyone having the reading comprehension to know what it is you are going through.  I will answer this for you.  No you don’t.  Because you will see the exact hell that I know very well.  No one saves you in this life but you.  No one will pick you up out of the hole other than you.  Nobody will tell you when you look in the mirror alone that you are beautiful other than you.  To live with that knowledge and to take it out on other people is fucked.  To judge other people you don’t even know who exhaust themselves to explain is a losing battle for attention.  You should already know the simple fucking answer.  Because I’m worth it.  And I’m sick of beating myself up for people who think they are the only ones in pain.  I’m dying here.  Mostly from lack of open space and personal freedoms.  Sounds like any other country you know other than America.  Home of the free.  I’m going to go exercise my freedoms on these weights.  Because gravity holds pity on noone.  And it’s easier to fall than to rise.  That takes works regardless of how you were born into this world.  Let’s stop fighting each other and pay more attention to the planet.  You’ve already caused enough damage biting off more than you can chew. <3 Tim