#but I've finally found a doctor I don't have to fight with to be taken seriously

[kezibun]

Hello again tumblr ^-^

It's been a while...😅

[attemptingwriter]

Hello!! I was wondering if you'd consider writing a Walter O'Brien (Scorpion) x reader oneshot where reader is also a genius and Walter's partner and has gone 'down the rabbit hole' as they call it at Scorpion (a.k.a. Hyperfocused on some project to the point of forgetting to eat/drink/sleep/interact with the outside world)

Thanks!

Fabric was strewn across the room. Ribbons, scissors, measuring tape, and thread were scattered on the floor. Needles were nestled in (Y/N)'s shirt and would occasionally stab them. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was the mannequin in front of them and the 1750s dress they were trying to recreate.

It started out as a normal day in Scorpion. Walter and his team were working downstairs on a case and (Y/N) was upstairs watching Doctor Who on the TV they convinced Walter to put in. It was about 8:30 that morning when Walter came up the stairs to let (Y/N) know they had been called away to meet Gabe somewhere-(Y/N) couldn't remember where-and gave them a small kiss on the cheek before leaving.

The base was quite except for episode (Y/N) was watching. It was one of their favorites, The Girl In The Fireplace. As they watched, they couldn't help but admire the dress Madame de Pompadour wore every time she was on screen.

It can't be that hard to make a dress like that, (Y/N) thought to themselves. So they got to work. They found a nearby fabric store and rushed over. Searching through the seas of fabric, they couldn't find the right materials for the dress. They finally gave in and asked a worker, who was glad to help. Together they found the right fabric and the right colors. The employee took the fabric to the registers while (Y/N) found a sewing kit, a sewing machine, and a mannequin.

At last they had all that they needed and they went back to Scorpion. They lugged the materials into the base and set them on the floor. (Y/N) rushed upstairs with the fabric, missing the clock that read 11:49 a.m. It took them three trips to get everything upstairs but they weren't ready to stop now.

They grabbed the fabric and scissors and began to cut. Hours went by as (Y/N) cut, sewed, cut again. Carefully placing each piece of fabric and pinning it down. There was blood on the fabrics and some on the scissors from the amount of times (Y/N) had poked themselves with a needle. Tired of losing their pin cushion, they had resorted to sticking them in their pants and shirt. Their laptop was open to almost twenty different websites about what fabric was used in 18th century France, patterns, Doctor Who trivia, how to sew videos and other things (Y/N) thought they might need.

It was 1:24 in morning when Walter and his team came home. They were exhausted from the running and fighting after trying find the missing painting from the local art gallery. The base was quite except for the sound of curses and a sewing machine.

"Is (Y/N) still awake?" Paige asked, looking upstairs.

"Gotta be. Unless someone broke in," Toby said.

Walter started moving towards the staircase. "I'll check it out. Paige, will you heat up some food? I have an idea of what's going on."

Paige nodded and headed towards their makeshift kitchen. Sylvester went with her while Happy and Toby made their way to the couch.

Walter glanced around at the mess covering the entire upstairs area. He looked over at (Y/N), the paused TV show, and smiled. He gently placed a hand on (Y/N)'s shoulder.

They jerked and twirled to face the intruder, wielding a needle for protection. Walter lifted his hands in surrender, the smile not leaving his face.

"Walter! Don't do that!" (Y/N) exclaimed, dropping the needle.

"Sorry, my intention wasn't to scare you. How long have you been working on this?"

(Y/N) looked at clocked. "I.... don't know. I was watching Doctor Who when you left and I wanted to try making Madame de Pompadour's dress so I went shopping and I've been working since."

Walter sighed. "You haven't taken a break." It wasn't a question but (Y/N) nodded.

"Come, Paige is heating up some food and after you eat we can take a shower and go to bed."

"That sounds nice but I just realized I really have to pee so I will join you downstairs shortly." Without waiting for a response, (Y/N) hightailed it to the nearest bathroom while Walter started making his way downstairs.

"Where's (Y/N)?" Happy asked, watching her boss come down without his partner.

"Bathroom. They got stuck in the rabbit hole."

The team nodded in understanding. There had been plenty of times that they got stuck in that hyperfixation and needed someone to pull them out.

(Y/N) came down not too long after and wrapped their arms around their boyfriend. "Thanks for taking care of me."

Walter pulled (Y/N) in closer and pressed a kiss to the top of their head. "I'll always look after you."

[wishmcker]

hi guys, just popping in to provide a bit of an update. this one gets a little personal so... yeah.

tl;dr: i am going in for a procedure to hopefully help me reduce the pain i feel from my condition. i'll be mobile bound for a bit. and just backstory stuff.

cw: mental health, physical pain descriptions?, medical, kinda negative

i was admitted to hospital over a month ago to help me manage my pain condition. everyone here has been fantastic, especially my new pain specialist and psych. they have completely re-worked my medication, gone over my scans, diagnosed me with something accurate and have found procedures that could help me live a potentially normal life with reduced pain when flare ups occur.

i have been doing therapies of different types, both physical and mental (this has taken it's toll on me over the years, of course). i've indulged some close friends some of the things i have been doing. it's been over a month and while i'm still in a lot of pain (despite intervention), unable to move without being in a lot of pain and still unable to walk, this is the happiest i've been a long time.

because there's actually hope this itme.

anyway, i am going in for a procedure that could potentially reduce the pain. it won't be immediate nor will it take it away completely and nor is it permanent but honestly, i'm ready to try anything.

i have been dealing with this condition for such a long time and most doctors do not know what to do with me. i have lost track of that number but i can count how many times i have been told it was because of my weight or my mental health. and i have had to fight to be heard. and i was finally listened to.

anyway, in a little bit, i am going to be transferred to the hospital where the procedure is being performed (the doctor performing the procedure works at a separate hospital). i am going on my own and not allowed to bring anyone personal to me with me and i don't think any of my medical team is able to either.

even though i know that the procedure will be fine, even if it doesn't work and that there is plan b and plan c in place ready to go and i'm not scared of the procedure itself, i am scared.

i am nervous. i am by myself. i wish i had someone with me.

so... please send good vibes, i guess? i don't know what i am asking for.

i'll be out of commission for a bit due to recovery time so i'll be mobile bound. thank you for reading and being patient.

[the-era-of-shadow]

Mission: FOX FRENZY

Written by Aikshlin Rose

Cover Art by Aikshlin Rose

Chapter 1: Back to Work And Back to War

THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS: References to illness

Author's Note:

Heyyy long time no see! So uh, if you haven't been keeping up with me in other places - a lot happened.

First and foremost, this and Mimicry of a Rivalry (which will be releasing its first chapter this Thursday (Jan. 2nd)!) ended up a LOT longer than originally envisioned - that's why it's taken so long to write them, that's why they're multi-chapters now.

Secondly, I... got a new, entirely non-Sonic hyperfixation! As I'm sure you can tell! (if you Know, that is-) (I swear I couldn't find anything better for the chapter title) And that's been taking up a good chunk of my time. Hard not to when I get into something still ongoing for once with a banger fandom and just SO much for me to make use of. I am a machine that turns hyperfixations into fanwork ❤

Thirdly, College. Just... college. I love it, don't get me wrong, but it requires effort!! Especially if you have six classes like I did this past semester,,, But not to fear! I've only got four this upcoming semester and I managed to score a majority afternoon classes! And no phys ed classes this time thank the gods 🙏

Fourthly, uhm... Guys, I think I wanna do animation? As a career? Reasons to like college: Helps you figure out what the hell you wanna do with your life! I'm still gonna be writing fics and stuff but. I wanna focus more on my animating skills from here on out, so... Expect some of that to be TEoS related~

And lastly, and the only downer one I'm afraid - my knee pain's been getting pretty bad recently, which sucks for morale and having the energy to do shit sometimes. But I'm doing my best to deal with it and I've got a doctor's appointment coming up soon so I believe this will get better.

And without further ado... Mission: FOX FRENZY!

[Next Chapter]

Unusually bright sunlight hit the eyes of an unsuspecting Tails Prower, offering, no, commanding them to come along and awake by its ever warming side, no matter how unwilling the nearly young adult fox was to do so. 

"Can't I get another few minutes?" Their mind uttered so instinctively, any countering thoughts to fight procrastination and get on with the day obscured by the thick fog that rested in-between the mental realms of wake and slumber. After all, in an instance of strangely beneficial irony, things had finally begun to settle down for the Freedom Fighters after the incident that had occurred during the visit to the Mystic Ruins, which was now a month or so bygone. No sneak attacks from the Black Arms, and barely an ambush from any badniks, why, for what reason would Tails have to start their day now, out of all times?

"Attention all Freedom Fighters! Please report to the main room at your earliest convenience for a group meeting with Princess Sally and Prince Nicky! Attendance by all members is mandatory!" Resounded the voice of Nicole.

Ah. For that reason.

With that, Tails begrudgingly got up from their bed and grabbed their glasses with one hand and their pin of the non-binary flag with the other.

It seemed like today would finally be an eventful day, so Tails decided to pick out something less casual from their wardrobe, just in case they'd have to leave the Sky Patrol, which ended up being an outfit comprising of an off-white button up short sleeved shirt with pale yellow polka dots, a pair of dark brown flared khakis that were custom fitted with an amount of pockets that just barely teetered on being excessive, and a golden yellow zip-up hoodie that had large patches of two logos on it - one being the logo for Twin-Tail Electronics, Tails' personal logo for their hundreds of inventions made over the years - and the other being the logo for the Mystic Fox Armada, the space protection agency that was not only founded by the Prower family, but still lead by them to this day as well. Free promotion and all that, you know?

"So y'all finally got back together?" Tails overheard Bunnie say teasingly as they approached the Sky Patrol's main room, adjusting the non-binary flag pin that they had placed on the left side of the hoodie's chest area.

"See? I told you everyone would get it wrong if you worded it like that, Nicole!" Sally light-heartedly scolded, jokingly pouting towards the hologram projection of Nicole's mobian-esque avatar, which Tails saw casually sitting on the desk just below the giant smart screen display that was placed behind Sally as they walked into the room.

"Of course, my sincerest apologies. Perhaps I should re-calibrate my evaluation processors?" Nicole responded sarcastically just before she gave the princess a peck on the cheek.

"Did you guys seriously forget that I'm the prince of South Island?" Nicky questioned, possibly only half jokingly.

"It getz a bit, ah, hard to remember, with ze constant talk of ze "World'z Greatest Hero", you know?" Antoinette remarked.

"Ya know, I bet Sonic would've groaned from that-"

Nicky fell silent for a second, suggesting that he was listening to Sonic say something from within their system's innerworld.

"Aaaaand xe did," Nicky chuckled.

"Hey guys! Sorry that I'm late!!" Amy hollered as she came running into the room.

"We slept through the announcement, I'm afraid!" Tsunami added.

"Yep. Had to come in and wake 'em up!" Rotor testified as he entered the room as well. “Took a bit of assessing to figure out how to do that without waking Vanilla up. She doesn't get much sleep already, so I wanted to be considerate,” He added.

"I see, and I appreciate your careful planning, Rotor. I do believe that we have everyone now, right?" Sally then said.

"Looks to be the case!" Amy assessed.

"Should we perhaps invite the Freedom Trainees back aboard?" Tsunami suggested sincerely.

"I'd say we let them enjoy their hibernation in peace. They've done a lot already, especially for the untrained teenagers that they are," Sally answered.

"Were you all not once untrained teenagers at some point as well?" Nicole teased, causing Sally's face to blush.

"Shush, you know what I mean!" 

"So, what's the occasion, Sal?" Tails asked.

"Well, at the beginning of the month, we were given approval from the Meropis royal family to have Vanilla move in with Coral so that she may start to work towards a cure for Vanilla's… condition…” Sally momentarily winced. “That just left us with setting up travel arrangements and waiting for a warm-ish day. Both of which we now have currently,” She explained.

"But as you all probably know by now, when we spent the night on Angel Island last month, it turned out that Espio had found a Chaos Emerald on the Island, and when we left, he and Knuckles allowed us to keep a hold of it in this here security chamber," Nicky added as Nicole sent the cylindrical container that held the shimmering Chaos Emerald, green in its hue, to the part of the chamber tubes that connected to the desk in which she sat upon.

"What we're saying is, we need someone to stay behind and look after the Emerald. Any volunteers?" Sally then concluded the explanation. Immediately, Tails' hand shot up into the air.

"My assistant drones can keep an eye on the Sky Patrol's exterior, I'm quite skilled at piloting the Sky Patrol itself, and that would give me time to finally file a progress report back to my parents at the Armada! It's an obvious choice to pick me, I believe!" They very convincingly argued. 

"Sounds good to me. We'll be counting on you," Sally responded with a smile.

"I believe in ya, little buddy!" Nicky added with a thumbs up.

"Of course! I can even fly the Sky Patrol over to the Merop Shore if you'd like!" Tails offered, already beginning to head to the control panel.

"That would be wonderful, thank you!" Sally replied, knowing that even if she wanted to decline, that she simply wouldn't be able to - Tails' mind was already in motion.

[skyfcx]

[ Playing PROWER_MEMO_#1.wav ] [ Enabling Audio Descriptions ]

     The sound of a computer chair's plastic wheels rolling across a concrete floor can be heard. A person sits in the chair with a thump, pulling the chair closer to the mic as they clear their throat.

     "Alright, let me make sure that everything is up, and...!

     "Okay! This is the first of my audio logs reporting on the information found within Gerald Robotnik's personal journal. Sadly, I don't have the physical copy, that gem of an item is still in the hands of one Ivo Robotnik. I had stumbled across it while scouring Eggman's base during a fight between him and Sonic, and... it felt wrong to take it from the Doctor, if I'm being honest.

     "Despite everything, these are still his grandfather's thoughts... his workings and machinations. To take the source material from Eggman feels unjust. But I was able to make a digital scan of his journal while I was there, and that is what I will be viewing during this observation session. There are a great deal of mysteries that surround Project Shadow, the ARK, and Gerald Robotnik as a whole. And the man's very thoughts written down could very well clear up some of those enigmas.

     "For the sake of archival, I'll be reviewing these pages for all who care to listen."

Entry #42

     "It's always so odd to hear more about the Robotnik family tree. We as a society are so used to Eggman that it's often hard to forget that he's a person just like anyone else. He wasn't made in a lab, he isn't some alien from a far-off planet. He's human, he had a mom and dad too. And, in fact, one of those two men in the enclosed photo is the very latter!

    Project Shadow took place over fifty years ago by now, and this picture was taken even before that point, so... I'm not quite sure if any of the men in this photo are still alive...

     I truly do wonder if the Robotnik name will ever find some reprieve in the future. Eggman's done quite a number to it, but it might have been a fantastic thing at some point in the past."

Entry #170

     "It's entries that these that prove the value of this notebook. This proves that Gerald Robotnik has been to Angel Island! To keep theory speculation brief, this confirms some thoughts I've heard about the drastic change between the prototype version of Project Shadow and the final version. Gerald Robotnik eventually went from a giant lizard to a black and red hedgehog! Quite the difference, isn't it? Well, we know exactly where he got his point of inspiration!

     On Angel Island, there lies an ancient stone mural in the deepest recesses of the terrain depicting a fight between a hedgehog with upturned quills and a supermassive entity. The actual image being depicted is another story, but glancing at the hedgehog seen, if you compare it to Shadow, you can certainly start to see the similarities. This image must have made a lasting impression on Gerald when he discovered it, even though his stay wasn't long.

     Also, I would like to pull a specific excerpt from the journal to comment on. Reading it brought a thought to my mind and I would like to share it. "

"I dared not approach or overstay my welcome. As much as I wanted to explore every inch of the island, I felt it was a sacred land; just setting foot on its soil felt taboo."

     "The level of care and respect that Gerald held for the space he was in is remarkable... He held consideration for his work, as well as the space he performed his work within. Gaia, I truly aspire to be like that man... It's a shame Eggman couldn't be the same."

Entry #185

     "The ARK...! It's a mechanical wonder that puts something like the Death Egg under the table! It's important to note that it's not just a space station, it was a space colony!

     The standard amount of time that a collection of people can live on a space station clocks in at little over a year. But there had been word that the ARK was aiming to make that time indefinite! They were still a little way's off of their goal, but talks of even interstellar gardens within the confines of the colony were probably underway every day!

     Science can oft be feared for its ambition in the face of what others may see as mundane obstacles, and I would have to agree that there are times where the overzealousness of the brilliant can continually be their downfalls... but the will to make space habitable is awe-inspiring. The fact that we hold the power to make such a feat possible, it... it mesmerizes the mind! I don't know how a thing like that could fail to make anyone thrilled with scientific progress!

     What I wouldn't give to be a bug on the wall during those first few months, or even the first year, of the ARK's launch. It must've been more active than the insides of a live battery! Oh, to go back in time and see how it all unfolded... I'd be a kid in a candy shop, guilty as charged! After all, this pursuit had any dollar available put into it! I bet they had every conceivable toy up there, just dying to get its money's worth~!

     Sidenote: I find it funny that even Gerald sometimes had a bit of an ego with his self-image. To his own self-admittance, right here in those pages! The ARK's visual appearance and the Death Egg's visual appearance... Like grandfather like grandson, I suppose...!"

[stevmarie]

Me, casually waiting for my son to get done at the dentist, my phone 2 inches from my face so no one else in the waiting room sees I’m writing fanficiton…

Saint of Steel AU Part 2:

It had been two weeks of a forced march to make it to the tiny village. Two weeks of sleeping against the wagon, or what could reasonably pass as sleep if you didn’t look too closely. They didn't make camp for fear bandits would catch up to them, or fear that the wounded wouldn't make it. One of their men passed in the first night after the fight. Freed and Evergreen both were wounded, although Evergreen was far better off, her arm in a sling but otherwise fit. And she would never complain or accept assistance unless it was forced upon her - something Laxus and Bickslow both did more than once.

"Freed is in a bad way," Bickslow murmured to him lowly, motioning to their comrade when they were about a week in, "I don't know how much longer of this he can take."

Freed had taken a blow to the head during the fight. Laxus had known headwounds like this, and while he didn't think it would be deadly, a healer was necessary. And soon. Rattling around in the wagon would do little help, even if it allowed him to rest.

On more than one occasion, Laxus found Gajeel swaying, eyes unfocused as he stared at the ground. He had to hand it to the friar. He wasn't a soldier, but he kept good pace despite how exhausted he clearly was. There was one night when they had ended up side-by-side with their backs to the wagon. Laxus had led him over after an excruciatingly long day and half a night of walking. He'd slid to the ground and slumped forward, falling into a half-waking, half-sleeping fugue almost immediately.

At some time during the night, Laxus had stirred when Gajeel's weight pressed against his shoulder. He'd caught the scent of his hair, something he still wasn't quite able to place. That recognizable warmth that was reminiscent of vanilla and smoke. The friar had half-startled, mumbling an apology. Laxus reached around him carefully, lulling him back against his shoulder.

"It's alright..." he assured him gruffly, also drifting again, "...you can rest here. It’s alright…”

Finally, after long last, they had spotted smoke above the tree line. By that point, they were all little more than dead on their feet. Laxus had gone ahead to ready accommodations and send for a doctor or healer. Preferably both. He wasn't able to acquire much, as the village wasn't equipped for large groups of travelers, but he had obtained rooms for the wounded, for the friar, and a barn for the rest of them and the mules.

"Not much longer now, father," Laxus had said, guiding Gajeel to the back of the wagon and lifting him onto it. Too tired to make a fuss, he allowed himself to be sat at the edge, his eyes half-lidded and confused, "You'll have a good sleep tonight."

Gajeel blinked slowly up at him, a ghost of a smirk playing at his lips, "But this has been such fun. I could go another month, at least."

"Ah, you must be spritelier than I, then, father. Pray tell, what gives you such boundless energy?" Laxus chuckled.

"Stop calling me father. M'not a priest. I've taken no vows."

"So, it's not simply a spirit of dedication that drives you? Are you god-touched, then?"

"My order follows a saint, not a god," he replied absently, leaning heavily against the wall of the wagon as his eyelids fluttered closed.

"Ah, yes. You do seem a paragon of saintly qualities."

"The only thing I'm a paragon of is sleep, captain."

Laxus did his diligence, attending to his people before allowing himself even the thought of rest. He escorted Gajeel to his room at the inn, bidding him a good sleep and closing the door as he dropped heavily onto the tiny bed. He helped Bickslow carry Freed to a room, and waited for the doctor's prognosis. It was quite what he had suspected.

"He needs rest, but otherwise the wound should heal with no issues. I certainly don't recommend travel, not for a few weeks at least," the elderly woman said, "By then, the snow will be here."

She shook her head as if it couldn't be helped.

"The mountains are near impassible in the winter months. It'll be spring before the man can be on his way."

Laxus grunted his reply.

"That puts us down another man," Bickslow whistled, "Still, we've been in worse situations."

“Two,” Laxus said, nodding towards Evergreen’s room.

“Ah,” he hummed, “She’ll insist she’s well enough to go on.”

“Not if I ask her to stay and attend to Freed,” Laxus replied, “She’ll recover first and make arrangements to get them both to the nearest Pegasus Temple.”

Bickslow’s laugh was deep in his throat, “That might be worse than where we’re going.”

They made their way to the barn. He checked on the mules and their handler who was curled up in the hay, already falling asleep. They’d laid out pallets for the rest of them, and although it wasn’t a bed, it wasn’t the ground or the side of a wagon, either. As far as his body was concerned, it was the best accommodation he’d ever had.

He promptly fell into a deep sleep, and didn’t stir until well into the next morning.

Gajeel rose from slumber only because his stomach insisted. And when he rose, it wasn’t dawn, nor early morning, but a wonderfully satisfying time after noon. He stretched and his joints voiced their grievances at him, but he wasn’t quite able to let it put him in a foul mood.

The people were sturdy here, built compact and able to endure the harsh winters that this far north brought. Because of this, many things about the northern region simply weren’t made for him. His bed had been short, so much so that his feet had hung off the edge of the bed. He’d laid strangely on his shoulder, and his arm was half-asleep from hanging off the edge. All these discomforts paled in comparison to the riot of his stomach pressing against his spine, and as if hearing it, a delicious smell drifted beneath the door on a warm draft.

He pulled on his robes, wrinkling his nose at the stink of campfire, sweat, and days-old grime still clinging to it. To him. He made a mental note to bathe before they went on the road again, and promptly tromped down the stairs.

The murmur of conversation greeted him as he descended, and he turned the corner to find the host laying a spread on a long table. It was peasant food; some sort of fish stew with vegetables and bread, and Gajeel’s stomach howled at him to find a seat posthaste and begin shoveling something inside of him. Warm laughter interrupted this thought. His eyes swept to the captain who was speaking with Bickslow and some of the other men.

The captain, Gajeel noticed, had already bathed. His hair was bouncy and a few shades lighter now that it was no longer greasy. The sort of blonde bards in taverns sang about as being golden, or flaxen, or like sunshine and pretty flowers. He’d shaven, a dreadful crime in Gajeel’s opinion, but it didn’t make him look young. The jagged scar across his eye wouldn’t allow for such a thing. His tabard must have been washed since it was no longer stained with blood. He was standing with arms crossed, looking like a beam of sunshine cutting across frosted ground.

As if feeling Gajeel’s stare, the captain looked over to where Gajeel was standing, and he immediately felt a pang of self-consciousness. Gajeel was sure he looked like a starved mutt at the base of the stairs eyeing the food (and the captain) the way he was. And a mess. He nervously ran a hand through his hair, giving up halfway down when he snagged on a knot. Damn, and he smelled like shit, too.

The captain smiled in a way that was far too charming, “Ah, the father joins us at last.”

Gajeel stifled a gripe at the title, “You weren’t waiting on me, surely.”

“Oh no, never.”

Laxus chuckled and it was casual and warm and Gajeel didn’t appreciate it in the slightest. The corners of his eyes creased with mirth, and by the Saint Metalicana, how was a mercenary captain so damn pretty?

“I was just trying to strategize a way to ensure Bickslow didn’t eat your portion.”

“Would that be a sin, do you think?” Bickslow grinned widely, “To eat the priest’s meal?”

“Oh, certainly. And I would see you damned to the furthest pit of hell for it…” Gajeel smirked, “…if I were actually a priest.”

A look crossed Bickslow’s features, but he hid it quickly, “Forgive me, father-”

Gajeel raised a critical brow, “Not a priest.”

“As you’ve said but, correct me if I’m wrong, friars also claim the title father?”

“You are correct,” Gajeel nodded solemnly, “which is why I’m happy to inform you that I am also not a friar.”

“Ah! That’s right,” he gestured towards the ceiling as if to say silly me, “What position do you hold in the monastery?”

“I am a merchant,” he stated, gauging the man’s expression.

“A merchant?” he looked bemused. Suspicion crossed Laxus’s face but he schooled it almost fast enough for Gajeel to miss completely.

“Not even monasteries can live solely on the people’s generosity,” Laxus said, raising a brow to Bickslow, “You sound surprised when we’re contracted by the Pegasus Temple.”

“Not surprised. Curious,” he corrected.

“Planning a change in career?” Laxus asked, the suspicion returning again briefly.

“As long as they don’t make me vow pacifism.” Bickslow grinned. He shot Gajeel a scandalous look before he added, “Or chastity.”

Ah…

Gajeel realized immediately he was walking somewhere treacherous but refused to glance anywhere aside from Bickslow’s good-natured grin to determine just how treacherous of ground he was really on.

“No such vows in my order,” he replied breezily.

“What monastery doesn’t require chastity?” Bickslow prodded.

“The Order of Dracul.” Gajeel said, “We’re not the only ones, either. A lot of the smaller orders don’t have such…” he waved his hand in an attempt to pull the words forward, “rigid requirements. I have taken now vow of poverty, either.”

“Ahh… and here I thought you must have a lonely profession,” Bickslow said, grinning again.

There was a point to this, Gajeel knew. He also knew, given whom Bickslow shared a tent with and the particular sounds he’d heard on occasion, that it wasn’t for his benefit. Again, he very consciously refused to look at Laxus. He could feel, also, that the captain was very dutifully not looking at him either. His heart throbbed.

Don’t be stupid. He chided himself, you have important business to attend to. Lusting after a man who barely takes an interest in you when your brothers are in a cage somewhere. What kind of man are you?

And yet…

And yet it was a very, very good kiss…

He continued not to look at Laxus when he replied. He raised his brows and crossed his arms, trying to appear confident and maybe a bit debonair. Like it didn’t matter. Like he wasn’t saying this to catch his attention.

“You can rest assured child, the order doesn’t cull its followers simply by who they bring into their bed, or how many, or how often. Otherwise, I’m afraid they would have kicked me out a long time ago.”

“Then how do they cull their followers, if they’ll just let anyone in?” Bicklsow asked. “Are you god-touched?”

“We follow saints, not gods,” Gajeel said dismissively, “And if ya have to ask what it is that gets you in, you don’t have it.”

“Oh?” Bickslow raised his brows.

Laxus was looking at him now, his perceptive gaze far more that what Gajeel could handle. Thankfully, he didn’t have to elaborate. The hostess had finished setting the table and was calling them over to get their meals. Gajeel, relieved for many reasons, followed behind the captain as they chose their seats.

He and the captain both looked at the tiny bench, the short table, and exchanged a look between them. A smile curled at the corner of Laxus’s mouth.

“My knees are going to be up to my ears,” he said lowly, so as to not insult their host.

“Aye,” Gajeel found himself also grinning like a kid, “and I’ll be near broken in half.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to help me back up?” he said, stifling a laugh.

“Assuming I can also stand,” Gajeel snickered. He lowered himself down slowly, listening to his knees popping as if they’d been made from dry tender.

The captain took the seat across him, and when he sat he nearly overshot the seat, and caught himself, rocking the entire table. Bickslow broke into a loud laugh at his expense, a laugh that was also cut off when he, too, had to sit. Looking very much like three adults sitting at a table for children, they all dug in.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

[knifedancer]

Winds of Change - Salt Ending

You've selected the SALT ENDING!

Trigger Warning: obsessive behaviors, implied mania.

Go Back | Dark | Hope | Bittersweet

~~~~~~~

When the storm finally cleared, Felix left his amok-made shelter behind and carried the weakened, unconscious girl in his arms to safety. Through thigh deep flood waters and around piles of debris. Past knocked over cars, damaged storefronts, and other stupefied survivors. It took almost an hour but, at last, he found a hospital that had most of their operations in functioning order. While doctors and nurses attended to Marinette, he never let her out of his sight and remained steadfast at her side – her dedicated protector. He had managed to contact Adrien – who had already been evacuated by Gabriel against the model’s wishes – Felix was sending periodic updates to his cousin when service was available. The storm had taken out many of the towers nearby and the remaining network was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of users attempting to check in on those in the affected area. The medical staff assured him that the young designer was simply concussed, chilled, and lightly injured but, thanks to his quick actions, would make a full recovery. After being treated for his own minor injuries, Felix breathed a shaky sigh of relief once they were alone. Taking a seat at her bedside and delicately holding her smaller hand in his, the blond gazed into her pale face. She was still unconscious, but a kindly nurse had suggested he talk to her so that she would know he was there. "You scared me back there... I thought we lost you," he could feel two sets of paws tap comfortingly against his leg from within her discarded satchel he had dutifully carried for her. In the hours since her reveal, Felix had built somewhat of a rapport with Tikki. Her bright blue eyes spoke of a wisdom developed over many millennia, yet she still retained the hopeful exuberance of a child. He was no longer surprised that she had caused the storm to develop into, what meteorologists were calling, a ‘frakenstorm’ that behaved more like a hurricane without a discernable eye. Experts could never know it was caused by a tiny pocket goddess that simply wanted to protect her holder. It certainly gave Felix a newfound respect for the power of Creation! Through their interactions, he had come to realize that Ladybug's kwami was as kind and caring as the bluenette laying before him. Now that he knew the girl behind the mask, he could not imagine a more fitting candidate to fill her spotted shoes. Felix had known Marinette was a bastion of light in this dark world but, now knowing her identity, he finally realized just how bright her very existence was... How cleansing and purifying, that even the shadows deep in his heart seemed to have fled in her presence. While Argos had protected her part-time and had distanced himself from her out of respect for his cousin, he found that just a scant few – if apprehensive – hours in her presence had changed so much. The bluenette inspired people around her to be better versions of themselves and damn if he wasn't now among them! He squeezed her hand gently as he murmured, "I know your enemy's identity, but you'd never believe me. You don't trust me – not that I blame you with how atrocious I've acted." Felix chuckled and brushed a piece of hair from her brow with his free hand, reflecting on each of their interactions with a new perspective. "I will find a way to build that trust with you and then we'll take him down together. I swear it."

He silently hoped that he could earn her forgiveness as well. ~~~ Chat Noir’s POV: Four Months Later ~~~ Chat Noir reflected on the past few months of his life while Ladybug and Argos playfully sparred on the dark Parisian rooftop. In the time following the disastrous trip to China, the peacock holder was seen joining the fight against Monarch in Paris. Ladybug and Chat were wary at first but, as battles became harder and more complicated, Argos remained a constant companion to the two heroes. Two months on, Chat's doubts were dispelled after witnessing Argos sacrifice himself during a particularly hard battle, taking a fatal blow for LB. The cure had brought him back and healed his wounds, but the black-clad hero could still vividly recall the pool of blood and feathers in the street... So much blood. After watching his cousin die such a gruesome death, the cat boy now understood firsthand how LB had felt whenever he had lost his life to an akuma. Both he and his lady had had tears in their eyes after that fight. Chat recalled the spotted heroine had swung down to Argos' recovered form in a fury while her earrings' timer blared. She had screamed at him and jabbed a pointed finger into his chest with each word of the lecture, before pulling him into a tight yet desperate hug. The peacock user had looked shocked and contrite as he hesitantly returned the embrace; supporting her as she shook from silent sobs. That wasn't the only time he sacrificed himself either, just the most jarring. To the consternation of both heroes, the purple-suited teen seemed to have become even more of a shield than Chat had been! A slowly building camaraderie had formed between the three as he also began to join them on patrols. He had proven himself to be smart, reliable, respectful, and strong. A true holder of the Peacock. 'Felix seems to be truly becoming a good person,' Chat thought to himself. Adrien had been disappointed to discover that his cousin would remain in hiding in his civilian form, wishing to get closer to Fe without the mask as well. He understood though: Argos' identity was essentially public knowledge at this point. Monarch could attack him or Amelie or even put Adrien in danger if they were seen together. At least Chat could be closer to the taciturn blond. Adrien had caught Felix watching over Marinette in his Miraculous form as well, camouflaging himself in the shadows on rooftops or sending a small sentimonster spy so as not to call attention to himself. Adrien had asked Felix to help protect her from danger months before and, while Argos had done so occasionally, his efforts had redoubled since their aborted senior class trip. It was suspicious and odd for him to take such an interest in someone… But then the model had seen Argos slipping the injured bluenette away to safety at the beginning of an akuma attack only a couple weeks after their return from China. He had given chase as Chat, hissing and ready to protect his princess, but instead found out his cousin was just looking out for her. Marinette, now nervously sporting a small feather-shaped pin on her jacket lapel, quietly confirmed to Adrien later that day that Argos had decided to become her version of Le Gorilla since Felix saved her from that horrible storm.

Oh, how he hated that pin. It was as if Argos had marked her as his hen, she willingly wore another man’s symbol! Not that he could tell her that her beloved model boyfriend was also a superhero… Still, Adrien could not stand that pin! He wanted to rip it right off her lapel and throw it into the Siene. Marinette was his, not Felix’s! Worse, Chat had even caught the two of them on her balcony several times… That was his spot! He growled in anger, his eyes glowing a toxic green as the young designer laughed at some joke Argos had made while they leisurely sat on the deck chairs under the stars. Quite a few rooftops sported deep claw marks by daybreak and Plagg had started giving him concerning stares... The model was seething possessive livid not entirely thrilled with the idea but was grateful that his girlfriend – the best girlfriend a boy could ask for – would at least be safe while he was distracted being Chat Noir. He hadn't even had the chance to spend much time with her... He wasn’t even allowed to see her while she was in the hospital! His father seemed not to approve of their relationship. She was beneath them, a simpleton, a passing interest that would fade. She was too clumsy and would be an embarrassment to the brand. Agreste Sr. wanted someone perfect, wealthy, well-behaved, easily controlled. Instead of flat-out forbidding Adrien from seeing her, Gabriel simply made his schedule impossible to get away. Months of cancelled dates, interrupted phone calls, and missed anniversaries...they hadn’t even had their first kiss yet! At least he could see Mari at school...even if Lila seemed to constantly get in their way now, separating them every chance he got near the young designer. The model ignored the way her eyes dimmed as he was pulled away or made yet another excuse.

'Thank goodness Felix was there for her in my stead and quietly supported her through her recovery,' the boy thought blithely. Although his cousin was being too friendly…

Adrien would make it up to her eventually!

Sure, Gabriel kept setting him up on those dates with debutantes of respectful families. Floosies he was forced to ‘wine and dine’, pose for photographs, give them special treatment and gifts… Adrien was just doing it to appease his father. Marinette definitely understood! So what if he hadn’t been able to see or text her much in the last few months? When was the last time he had texted her anyway? Last month? She understood why he couldn’t be there to help her with her recovery; of course, she would understand he was doing all this for them.

He just needed to work even harder to convince his father to accept them, to see how great Mari was!

Yeah, it was just a matter of time! What’s a few months apart when they have a lifetime ahead? And once he became a legal adult, they could finally move to that island he always dreamed about�� The cat hero was drawn from his increasingly discordant thoughts by the sound of Argos and Ladybug sharing a laugh after their match, trading lighthearted quips. Chat smiled as the two exchanged a warm look that he understood all too well. 'I'm glad they've gotten close. It's good that she's found someone. She deserves to be happy.'

And maybe this means Felix will leave her alone now…

With a soft lovesick sigh, he turned his toxic green eyes towards the darkened T&S bakery in the distance. 'My lady will always hold a special place in my heart, but I have Marinette now...'

‘She’s MINE, no one else’s.’

~~~~~~~

Go Back | Dark | Hope | Bittersweet

[friendofgum]

So I've been experiencing these weird medical issues for quite a long time, stuff like tingles and numbness in my hands and feet and hella joint pain, some other things you'd probably expect someone in their 50s and 60s to start experiencing just as like a normal consequence of age... But I'm 35...

Anyway, I finally brought up my concerns to a doctor in 2021. The first doctor took me seriously and tried to refer me to a neurologist, who denied my referral. I tried again several months later, but this doctor just dismissed my concerns entirely and treated me like a hypochondriac (this doc was a man btw while all the others I've seen were women, and as he's the only one to dismiss me like this that made me go HMM real hard). I gave up for awhile after this.

Until early this year, I suddenly couldn't walk as my knees buckled under my weight, and I went to the ER. I was thinking maybe I had a cyst because there was pressure behind the kneecap, like something was pushing it out. My local ER is DANGEROUSLY incompetent and understaffed, it's honestly atrocious. I almost wish I hadn't even bothered, except for the fact that going there allowed me to secure a followup with my regular doctor only a week later, which was way sooner than if I'd tried to make an appointment otherwise. Anyway, the ER did an x-ray, said it was arthritis, and sent me home (without even the slightest clue as to how tf I have arthritis at 35 years old), and then my regular doctor absolutely railed on the ER staff for being so wrong... there was nothing on the x-ray that would indicate arthritis. She suspected multiple sclerosis, so I had an MRI of my brain.. then another one of my spine.. fortunately they found nothing, but in the meantime I still can't walk without braces and/or a cane, and I still don't know what's wrong with me.

I finally tried again, I'm in so much pain at this point that I am practically begging for something, anything, for the doctors to stop brushing me aside and kicking the can down the line, and I finally got an MRI of the knee this time, and what do you know, it WAS a cyst! But then they said, "but we don't think this should be causing your instability so you'll have to wait for the neurologist" and y'all I fucking lost it. I know there's another issue, but why can't they also just remove the cyst, or drain it, or fucking SOMETHING, holy shit just please stop leaving me hanging! I can't even work full time anymore because of the pain in my knee! I'm struggling to keep up with 20hr weeks at this point!

I finally got a neurologist appointment... The soonest they could fit me in was MAY 2024

I'm just screaming all of this out into the void because I have no one to talk to about it. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being in pain and having to fight so hard to be taken seriously while simultaneously always being exhausted and in constant pain. I just want to know if I am permanently disabled, if it's something that can be treated with medical intervention, or if I am actively dying, because I need to plan the rest of my life around this knowledge.

[echantedtoon]

Kiddo Week Day 1 Prelude/Crash

(Hat Kid's journal entries before, during, and after landing on the planet explaining my headcannon backstory for her. Warning: Character death implied.)

"Day 1...

Hello new journal! I'm not sure what else to write in this since this is my first time writing in this. Mother's bookstore friend gave it to me while I'm staying with her to pass the time away while Mother's being taken care of at the weird white building. She says I shouldn't worry as the Doctor's making sure everything goes alright. I hope Mother returns soon, I don't really like all the green looking veggies Mother's friend makes me eat. But the doctor said she's sick so it'll take a while for her to get better."

'Day 2...

Every day is so boooooring! There's nothing to do around Mother's bookstore! She's had it forever and always works here with her friends. Mother's friend suggested I read a whole bunch of picture books but all of them are boring too! It's a lot more fun swinging on the chandeliers with the umbrella Grandpa Tim made me but Mother's friend only scolded me and took it so 'I wouldn't break anything'! This stinks worse than the green veggies!!"

"Day 3...

Today I found the old Blueprints I made with Grandpa Tim a loooong time ago! He said he would make me a spaceship just for me and one day I could go traveling the solar system like he did! I miss him he was really cool! He ran this BIG company and everyone called him the 'CEO of Time' or 'Third Eye' because of his extra eye. Some kids think he's weird but he's really smart and cool! Mother and him don't get along too much. They had a big fight when he said when his time went it would be my time to handle our family's treasured 'pieces'. This part is in qoutes because he made it sound like that. Mother made me leave when they argue but since I'm sneaky I listened anyways. She doesn't want me to travel space or take over Grandpa Tim's 'treasure pieces' and said I should have a normal life like she chose too. Which isn't fair and BBBBBOOOOORRRRING!! I don't wanna become a cranky old librarian. Traveling through space with treasure sounds much more exciting....I wonder if I can find where he hid the treasure if I follow the map on the back of the blueprints?? I haven't seen Grandpa Tim in a long time. One day Mother had her friend 'babysit' while she went out to see him in a weird black dress. (I can take care of myself!) She says she'll tell me when 'I'm Older'. What does that even mean? Anyways, I'll hide the map for now. I finally have an adventure! But first I have to get my umbrella back from the 'your grounded' area."

"Day 4...

I know this says 'Day 4' but I really haven't been writing in this journal too often. Too busy planning on busting out and seeing where this mysterious map leads too, and waiting for Mother to come back to get me. Which is why I'm writing now. Mother's Friend said that I'm going to be staying with her for a while now. Is Mother missing? I asked but she told me she'd tell me 'When I'm Older.' What is with THAT?! Also something weirder happened. These weird guys from Grandpa Tim's old company came to Mother's Bookstore to talk to me. They were looking for something Grandpa had called 'time pieces'. The heck was that? I don't know but something is telling me to follow that map soon. I've located where my umbrella and hat are. It's only a matter of time before I go see what's at the end of the map. I can't take any more broccoli."

"Day 5...

It's been almost three days since I snuck out. My umbrella and hat were easy to get since Mother's friend hit them on top of the fridge. As if that'll stop me! And I finally found out where the map leads! MY SHIP!! At first I thought it was just gonna be some dumb boring old stuff like checkers or something. But the map lead me to this old shed looking place outside town and there it was inside! As I'm writing this I'm inside the ship's control room. And I think I found out what these 'time piece' things are. There was this BIG vault and I was sure the treasure would be in there and these was hundreds of these shiny hourglasses inside. It must've been the 'treasure' Grandpa Tim always told me about. But why did he put them inside my ship?? Was he trying to give them to me without Mother knowing?? I found out they are called time pieces because that's what the computer calls them so it must be true! And that means the pretty things are mine!...But they're kinda weird too?? But in a familiar way?? When I held one it was like holding a piece of me...If that makes sense. I can't write it down because I don't like writing a lot, and because it's hard to describe. But I just...KNOW they're meant to be mine. Like they're connected to me somehow. Anyways, there's a whole lot of buttons on the control panel. I wonder what would happen if I press the launch button?"

"Day 6..

I think I messed up...I ended up pressing the button ON ACCIDENT and suddenly the entire ship launched into space. And...I think I'm lost. I fell asleep when the ship shook really badly and now I'm awake. And now I can't figure out where I am.....BUT THIS IS ALSO GREAT!! I'M FINALLY ON AN ADVENTURE LIKE I WANTED!! SPACE IS SO PRETTY!!....But I think I better go home first and tell Mother. If I don't she's going to worry when I'm gone, and I don't like it when she's upset. I found a Guide Manual so maybe this'll help me. I really don't like reading, but I think I don't have any other choice."

"Day 7...

That was easier than I expected! Grandpa Tim must've made this computer operating thing easy for me! I'll thank him when I get back too! According to my computer it's gonna take a long time to get back. In the mean time I'm gonna start exploring the ship! There's so many rooms and stuff to see! Did Grandpa Tim leave all this stuff for me??? Oh well. It's mine now."

"Day 8???

It's been really nice! I put question marks because I don't know how many days I've been gone now, but my computer says I'm almost half way there so it's ok! I made a pillow fort in the giant pillow mountain to hide in. And I looked more at those shiny time pieces, but something weird happened. I accidentally broke it but it was NOT my fault! How was I supposed to know it was breakable?! ...But I know how to fix them and use them too. It's funny because I've only had them for a little while but it feels like they've always been a part of my life and I know exactly how to use them! Crazy right? I must be a magic genius or something. There's also this nagging feeling telling me things. I think Mother said it's called your conscious when it tells you something's bad or good? Or maybe it's my gut feelings? I don't know, but it says I need to keep these things safe now. Which I'm gonna do anyways because these are MINE now after all."

"Day 8.5???

I found a weird robot building kit in the attic and decided to build him. It's gonna be cool having a cool robot pet! I think I'll call him Rumbi. The picture of him on the box is cute. I wonder if he'll be just as cute after I build him?"

"Day 9???

Well this is just great! I get half way there and now Im stuck on a random planet because some dumb guy broke my ship's door! And now all my time pieces are gone! I need them to magically?? power my ship or else I'll never get home! ...But I've never been on another planet before. This might be fun to explore! I'm gonna use another journal I found to write about what I find. Why? Because I can!"

"Day 10???

I met someone while in Mafia Town again! And not like that double crosser Mustache Girl. Her name's Bow and she's really fun to hang out with! She was being held hostage by these dumb Mafia so I beat them away with my umbrella! I think she's the only person I've met so far who hasn't double crossed me yet. She says she's from somewhere called Nyakuza Metro?? Sounds fancy. Anyways, I don't think she has anyone here to help her. In that case she can come with me and I'll keep her safe. I think I saw an extra umbrella in my spaceship too. I can show her how to use it!....This might be the first friend I ever had!"

"Day 11???

Bow gets along great with Mr. Grooves. I think he's really nice too! She's almost as good as I am when I use my umbrella. She told me more about her old home. She ran away too to find adventure but she used to love in something called an "Orphaned Kitten Home"?? I guess that means she doesn't have any Mother or Grandpa Tim of her own, but that's ok! She's my friend now so she can have my Mother and Grandpa Tim as well. I'm sure they won't mind!"

"Day 12???

Today we met some weird people. Really nice but really weird. That bell took us to some real weird place filled with ghosts and we met a new friend! His name's Timmy! And he can do magic like some wizard! And there was this witch! A REAL WITCH! ...But she didn't have green skin or black cats. What gives? Maybe witches are different on this planet. There was a time piece here too, a ghost gave it too us! He looked really scary but he was a lot nicer than that Jerk Snatcher. The Witch even teleported us back to the mountains. She's the nicest witch I ever met."

"Day 13???

I know it was a long time since I wrote something but I finally did it! All the time pieces are recovered and my ship's at full power! I can finally go home! And Bow's excited too! It's gonna be cool to have someone to hang out with! ....But it's gonna be sad to not see anyone again. I tried taking off but the emergency break stopped us because something was outside the ship causing a disturbance. And everyone was hanging on asking me to stay...I didn't want to do it, but I pushed them off. I'm sure they're ok...But I gotta go home. Mother and Grandpa Tim are waiting for me. And I promised Bow she could meet them! We're almost there anyways! Maybe one day Ill come back and see everyone again."

"Day Unknown???

I don't know what to do anymore. Something really bad happened when we got home. I should've been happy but I wasn't I was...Scared. I didn't know why until we tried landing. Something was telling me not to land but I did anyways. I should've listened to my gut. Someone tried to get into my ship! There was guys from Grandpa Tim's old time company and demanding I hand over the time pieces! NO WAY!! Not after I worked so hard to get them back! It was like Mustache Girl all over again but more scarier. Bow was scared too. I ended up pressing the launch button again and knocking them off the ship. I don't know what to do now or where to go, but my gut is telling me to stay away from the planet. I guess I don't have a home there anymore...And I have a feeling Grandpa Tim and Mother are gone too. At least I have Bow and my trusty ship and Rumbi! And the time pieces are all safe! I'll write again when I feel like it. For now we're gonna see if my TV works."

"Day Unknown???

We're doing ok..Better than I thought. I was showing Bow my cool collection of Rift Books! Apparently they appear where ever a time rift appears and depending on the surroundings makes a cool picture book about it's past! Pretty neat! Some are sad but most of them are really cool to look at. Snatcher's is really really sad though."

"Day Unknown???

How could I not notice before?! I thought I got all my time pieces but according to my log book there was more missing! I must've not gotten them all from the planet when that mafia guy and Mustache Girl made them all fall from my ship! ...TWICE!! I'm installing a giant new security lock on my vault and heading back to get them! ....I wonder if they'll still be happy to see me again? I might visit them again. After I get those time pieces."

"Day Unknown???

Today I found this hourglass in the attic. It's not a time piece but it's not just a regular hourglass either. According to the instructions this is a memory replaying device of some kind. COOL!! I'm still deciding what to do with it....But I have an idea."

"Day 14?.....Im just gonna say 14 and start from here.

A lot has happened since we got back. I found out Conductor has grandkids and they're all cute and very fuzzy with their feathers! ...But I still wonder what kind of bird they are if they are birds? And I got all my time pieces back! I had to sink a ship and visit the metro to get them though. YIKES!! Now I know why Bow left! They're all thieves and crooks! And that Empress is scary as PECK! But on the bright side now I can explore more of the planet and visit everyone! I can't wait to see Cookie and Mr. Grooves and Timmy again! I just hope I don't run into Mustache Girl. Speaking of seeing people, Bow said Snatcher tried to haunt my ship. I wonder where he was on the cruise?? I didn't see him on the boat, and I tried to visit him but every time I went to his woods he wasn't there?? Like whaaaat? Ghosts can turn invisible so was he invisible? Is he playing a game of hide and seek? I thought he wanted to see us? Oh well. We're gonna see Mr. Grooves tomorrow anyways! He says he wants to show us Cookie's new movie! I'm so excited!"

[curioussubjects]

I'm not a doctor, but I am chronically ill and I've spent a lot of time trying to find ways to improve my health despite food (sensory problems) and exercise (chronic fatigue) difficulties. I'm hoping my years of trial and error can offer folks in similar struggles some ideas to try.

Eating more plants:

I hate hate veggies. Can't stand the flavor or the crunchy texture (like dry mouth and trouble swallowing level, and that green plant-y smell/taste makes me nauseous).

My mom was actually really clever raising me because instead of fighting me over food, she decided to do something else: hide all the gross plants in food I liked. I'm Brazilian so beans are a dietary staple, and my mom used to hide all kinds of stuff (squash, beets, etc) with the beans, so I'd eat it while only tasting the beans themselves and the seasoning. I don't really enjoy that anymore bc of the texture, but I have discovered that I can hide a lot of veggies in stews and slow cooked beef/pork dishes no problem. Chinese food is also a way I add more veggies to my diet because a good lo mein will make me eat up all those carrots, bok choy, and been sprouts you can throw at me. Some plants I'll never eat even if cooked in something delicious (spinach, asparagus, brussels sprouts, peas), but some plants are better than no plants.

I'm also a huge fan of fruit, and it's worth venturing out and trying some if you're not a huge fruit eater and don't need to control your sugar intake too much. Buy pre sliced if you need to! It's ok! Also: if you're in the US and you have an international market with fresh produce near you, go there for your fruit. You'll get more variety.

The best thing you can do to add foods to your diet is experiment. If you problem is texture, is there a way to change the food's texture so you can tolerate it better? Is you problem flavor? How strong is the flavor and could you hide it among other flavors, so you don't notice it?

Here's a final example: I struggle eating enough omega-3s (hate fish, especially oily fish) and getting enough fiber. I also realized I need a lot of protein during breakfast. My solution was to make my own breakfast bar (read: throw stuff in a bowl, mix, bake). Now I regularly eat oats, flax and chia seeds, and almonds. I also add eggs to the mix to up the protein content. And to make the bar actually taste good, I don't stop myself from adding the sugar and choc chips I need to make it edible.

Getting more exercise:

Ok, so this one is really tricky and I'm still struggling a lot with it, but I've had some insights over the past couple years.

Here's the thing, between the POTS, the post-exertional malaise, the hEDS and the AuHD, exercising has been pretty damn miserable for me. I simply do not get the feel good endorphins from it, and instead just feel worse, which makes exercising even harder because my brain simply Will Not Want To Do It.

The best thing you can do if exercise makes you feel like crap is look into pacing (1, 2). I actually found it really helpful to attach my immediate symptoms to my heart rate when I'm exercising, which I then realized is close to what you find the anaerobic threshold in people with CFS/ME is (around 50%-60% of max heart rate for age group). Having a number to look at, makes it a lot easier for me to manage my symptoms so that I don't end up in a nightmare fatigue cycle. Getting a watch that monitors HR is key here, unfortunately, but a pulseox could help you get started.

I've also taken to practicing full body relaxation to help with muscle stiffness, which is the main source of my pain problems and an obstacle when I'm trying to do exercise recovery. I'm not huge on meditation, but I do suggest some guided full body relaxation to help you get started. My physical therapist recommended me this video, which I listened to a handful of times until I felt I got the hang of the process; now I do it on my own. Body awareness is good actually, who knew.

I still haven't found a way to add regular exercise to my routine, but I'm technically still in recovery from years of burnout and fatigue. I'm still very much working on rehabilitation with a physical therapist to work on my muscle weakness and endurance, but at some point I hope I can find some type of exercise that isn't The Worst. The solution here is probably much like the solution with food: find some kind of physical activity that is somehow enjoyable. Personally, I wish there were adult playgrounds near me.

Something else worth looking into: check out your what activities your parks and rec district offers. You may find classes like pilates, yoga, and dance at more affordable prices. It's also worth looking at brochures in nearby communities because even if you don't get resident pricing, non-resident is still cheaper than a gym membership or studio fees.

A lot of younger people have no idea what aging actually looks and feels like, and the reasons behind it. That ignorance is so dangerous. If you don’t want to “be old,” you aren’t talking about a number of years. I have patients in their late 80s who could still handily beat me in a race—one couple still runs marathons together, in their late 80s—and I lost someone who was in her early 60s to COPD last year. What you want is not youth, it is health.

If you want to still be able to enjoy doing things in your 60s and 70s and 80s and even 90s, what you want to do, right now, is quit smoking, get some activity on a regular basis (a couple of walks a week is WAY better for you than nothing; increasing from 1 hour a day of cardio to 1.5 will buy you very little), and eat some plants. That’s it. No magic to it. No secret weird tricks. Don’t poison yourself, move around so your body doesn’t forget how, and eat plants.

If you have trouble moving around now because of mobility limitations, bad news: you still need to move around, not because it’s immoral not to, but because that’s still the best advice we have. I highly recommend looking up the Sit and Be Fit series; it is freely available and has exercises that can be done in a chair, which are suitable for people with limited mobility or poor balance. POTS sufferers, I’m looking at you.

If you have trouble eating plants because of dietary issues (they cause gas, etc.) or just because they’re bitter (super taster with texture issues here!), bad news. You still want to find a way to get some plants into your body on a regular basis. I know. It sucks. The only way I can do it is restaurants—they can make salads taste like food. I can also tolerate some bagged salads. On bad weeks, the OCD with contamination focus gets so bad I just can’t. However, canned beans always seem “safe,” and they taste a bit like candy, so they’re a good fallback.

If you smoke and you have tried quitting a million times and you’re just not ready to, bad news. You still need to quit. Your body needs you to try and keep trying. Your brain needs it, too. Damaging small blood vessels racks up cumulative damage over time that your body can start trying to reverse as soon as you quit. I know it’s insanely, absurdly addictive. You still need to.

You cannot rules lawyer your way past your body’s basic needs. It needs food, sleep, activity, and the absence of poison. Those are both small things and big asks. You cannot sustain a routine based on punishment, so don’t punish your body. Find ways to include these things that are enjoyable and rewarding instead. Experiment. There is no reason not to experiment—you don’t have to know instantly what’s going to work for you and what won’t, you just need to be willing to try things and make changes when things aren’t working for you.

You will still age. Your body will stop making collagen and elastin. Tissues you can see and tissues you can’t see will both sag. Cushioning tissues under your skin will get thinner. You’ll bruise more easily. Skin will tear more easily. Accumulated sun damage will start to show more and more. Joints will begin to show arthritis. Tendons and ligaments will get weaker and get injured more easily, as will muscles. Bones will lose mass and get easier to break. You’ll get tired more easily.

But you know what makes the difference between being dead, or as good as, in your 60s vs your 90s? Activity, plants, and quitting smoking. And don’t do meth. Saw a 58-year-old guy this week who is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t quit whatever stimulant he’s on. I pretended to believe it was just the cigarettes, and maybe it is, but meth and cocaine will kill you quicker. Stop poisoning yourself.

Baby steps; take it one step at a time; you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. But you do need to be working on figuring things out.

[threeunrelateddescriptors]

It's been a day.

It started with my 10am student arriving at 9am. They texted "we're here!" I texted "I have you on for 10am, give me 5min" And so I stopped buttering my toast, ran to put on pants, asked my flatmate to turn off the stove where my, and was ready for my student at 9:02am. The biggest saving grace was that it was a lesson at my flat, rather than at the space I rent (20-25min away, depending on traffic).

They apologized, and I told them it was fine a) because it was [they had a brainfart shit happens and I had semi predicted this would happen so mentally I was slightly prepared] and b) I didn't have another student scheduled so it worked out.

Got a laundry done.

Then it was time for my covid+flu vax appt. I expect to feel like shit. That's how all the previous shots have gone. I get a fever and feel painful and achy. I get exhausted. So far, nada. But that won't last. Lovely if it does, but I prepared my entire Tomorrow for Feeling Like Shit (tm).

Which brings me to something tangentially related that might prove interesting/helpful to others.

Lately (past year or so), I feel I've physically taken a decline. I can't precisely pinpoint how, but vague ~*things*~ which I'd be hard-pressed to go to a doctor and say "I have a vague constellation of inconsistent shit happening that I can't quite tell you where the issue is but I definitely have an issue; do tests and diagnose this and please do not dare tell me it's You're Getting Older disease"

So in light of not being able to determine at least one thing to point to, I've just been sitting in my incrementally failing body. The path of least resistance. I am a huge fan of the path of least resistance. I jellyfish my way through life, and it seems to really work for me.

But, here's where I come back around to vaccines and such.

When I was younger, I learned a fun fact about my body: If I am fighting a virus/infection/whatever, and I get a fever, and my fever goes above 104F, I fight that shit off but my immune system trips a wire and goes into overdrive.

It decides, for shits and giggles, that there must still be a threat. Usually that threat is All Of My Joints. It's like temporary rheumatoid arthritis or something. It can last months.

When it first happened, we had no clue what was going on. We went to doctor after doctor and no one could figure out what was doing and why I had suddenly developed arthritis. Clearly, I was making it up to avoid going to school or whatever.

Then I complained of night sweats and my parent, on the very off-chance, took me for a TB titer. Just to make sure I hadn't managed to contract TB.

I hadn't. But the horrid joint pain? Disappeared. Like...in a day of getting the TB titer.

My parent saw this and went "huh." and filed it away in their brain. I did no such thing because I was not mentally in a place to do that.

The second time this Fever-induced Auto-immune Response thing was triggered, we went to doctors, I was in pain for months. Blah blah.

See, we still hadn't fully put together that the fever (or, a fever going to 104F) was the causal event. Why would we? It seems clear now, but I had a high-as-fuck fever because my body was fighting off Terrible Things. So maybe it was lingering Terrible Things.

Well, we finally got a doctor who 1) believed us and 2) found that every one of my joints was impacted. I had only been complaining about one set of joints because it was the most terrible. [Kind of how if you stub your toe and then someone slams a car door on your hand, it's likely you don't feel your stubbed toe quite as bad.] The doctor didn't know what to do with me, but in finding this determined that it sure sounded like an autoimmune response.

Cue my parent going "Oh fuck me, Bee Sting Therapy" My parent has a broad range of odd knowledge. One of which is alternative and traditional medicines. Apparently, it is a thing to have a bee sting someone who is having joint pain. Don't ask, I don't know.

So, my parent carts me off to the general doctor, says "kid has night sweats (I was not), I want a TB titer to rule-out TB" and doctor went 'sure'

I was given a TB titer. I do not have TB. What I do have is a fucky immune system who can be easily distracted. What my parent figured out was that the fever did something like fucked an auto-shutdown procedure after the initial threat was eliminated. So they introduced a (controlled) threat (TB titer).

My immune system immediately turned its attention to this New Horsehit and "eliminated it" (it's a TB titer y'all, there's no threat). And so it said "Good job everyone, back to bed, our work here is done."

And that is why I am somewhat hopeful these vaccines will address at least some of the decline I feel I've been experiencing.

The End.

[ephemeral--dreams]

difficult patient

Scaramouche/Reader

Word count: 766

Notes: Uhhh doctor reader x scaramouche. Set after the inazuma archon quest, but before the sumeru one.

☆ ☾ ☆ ──────────────────

He wakes up to two things - pain, and the sense of someone hovering over him. His hand shoots out on instinct, circling someone's wrist as he jerks up from where he lays.

You blink back at him, surprised but not uneasy. It's strange, to be faced with something other than fear when he's glaring at you, when he is who he is. "Can I have my hand back?"

Scaramouche releases it, trying to make sense of the situation. He'd been… On the run. Yes. The Tsaritsa certainly didn't like that he'd taken a Gnosis - she'd even been sending the other Harbingers after him to drag him and the gnosis back. Childe had gotten fairly close to succeeding this time. He'd managed to get away eventually, but the fight had left him injured, and then…

Then?

"Who are you?"

"The person who saved your life. It's dangerous to be passing out in the middle of the forest, you know? You're very lucky that I found you."

"It's not like I did it on purpose," …So he'd passed out. How weak. He ks supposed to be above being so weak, especially after- Wait. "Where are my things?"

"Table next to you."

Ah. He could've figured that out himself… The gnosis was safe, though. You don't look like the sort of person who would even know what it was, so he supposed there had never been much risk that you'd taken it. You're still suspicious, though. He would be a fool to blindly trust you. That in mind, Scaramouche tries to get up. He should be going.

…Not that he gets far, almost collapsing as soon as he stands. You sigh, gently pushing him to sit down again. You should be grateful he's in too much pain to snap at you not to touch him so casually.

"Lay back down. You're going to aggravate your injuries," You speak to him the way one would speak to a difficult patient. It's irritating. He's hardly a normal, human patient. He certainly shouldn't be treated like one.

"You can't order me around-"

"I didn't pick you up off the ground and fix you only for you to undo all the work I've done. Lay down."

Scaramouche huffs indignantly, but finally lays back down. He can't exactly go back out in his condition. As unfortunate as it is, he's still reliant on your care. For now. "…Why did you even help me, anyway."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You don't know me."

"Of course I do. You're a harbinger, aren't you?" You press a glass to his lips. "Drink this."

You don't allow him the chance to complain about how he can hold it himself. It's bitter. Herbal. Medicine, then. "If you know that-" Not that it was exactly true anymore, but there was no reason to tell you that he'd betrayed the Fatui, "-it makes even less sense. Tell me, do you enjoy putting yourself in danger? Taking me in is an awful decision on your part," he tells you, after you pull the glass away.

"What, are you worried about my safety?" Your smile is wry. "You're hardly the first dangerous patient I've had. Regardless, no good doctor would leave someone injured."

He scoffed. Ridiculous. No one was that nice for no reason. Clearly you wanted something out of him. "What are you after?"

"I want you to get better and be on your way."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Any other questions?"

Scaramouche's eyes narrow. "You're not interested in what I am at all? You have to have gotten a good enough look at my body to know I'm not human."

"Only if you want to tell me," Your words seem honest enough. It's odd. Dottore had been obsessed with studying him. Shouldn't you, as another doctor, be more curious? "You're close enough to human that I can treat you. That's all that really matters."

"…Hm. Fine. Have it your way," He settles into the bed. Even if you're lying, he can just kill you if you try anything he doesn't like. He may be injured, but he's still more than capable of striking you down.

"I'm glad you're cooperating," You check his bandages as he lays there, hands careful and eyes attentive. Despite how wary he feels, some part of him relaxes under your care. You're not nearly as cold or clinical as he's used to from, well, the only other person who has ever treated him medically. Even if it's annoying that you don't seem intimidated by him at all. "All good. I'll leave you to rest."

You drift out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts once more.

…He guessed there were worse people to be stuck with…

[elisysd]

Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo

Masterlist - Previously - Next Chapter

The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, fame fucker Bleedin' me dry like a goddamn vampire

A week later, Charles was cleared to be transferred to Monaco and continue treatment at home. He was happy to leave the hospital at last and try to forget that he wasn't in Mexico battling with the rest of the grid. He wouldn't miss the hospital. He was going to be able to return to the comfort of his bed and his flat. The only downside was that Lyanna wouldn't be joining him for a few days. She had some urgent business to attend to in London. He didn't know much more about it. Of course he had tried to get her to talk, but the young woman always managed to avoid the subject by redirecting his attention elsewhere. After a while, he finally gave up, telling himself that she would talk to him when she was ready to do so.

Lyanna was going to travel back and forth between London and Monaco. She had a meeting with her lawyer to find out how they were going to proceed following James' lawsuit. Her lawyer had told her that he sincerely believed that James barked more than he bit and that he would not go any further.  Although Lyanna was of the same opinion, she preferred to take her precautions and explore all her options so as to be able to fight back. She had just told the truth. But if things got any worse, she knew it would be her word against his.

She hadn't said anything to Charles, he had enough on his plate without her adding to it. And she preferred to forget. Even if it wasn't easy every day. He complained a lot, and needed help with the slightest movement. Lyanna was happy to help him, mainly because it allowed her to forget her problems. She felt useful and busy. She avoided social media like the plague. The one time she had gone on them, she had been surprised to find herself trending, and looking at the comments was a lesson learned.

Finally, the day came for Charles to leave for Monaco. A medical plane had been specially prepared for him. Lyanna had arrived early in the morning to help him get dressed, as Charles refused to let the nurse look after him. He had far too much pride to let strangers see him in a vulnerable state and only felt comfortable with Lyanna.

He tried to argue with the doctor when the latter came to bring him his latest recommendations and a wheelchair so that he could get around. Charles claimed that he didn't need it, that he could stand on his own two feet, but when Lyanna looked at him disapprovingly, he finally complied, on condition that the young actress was the one to push him. He found it humiliating enough as it was, having his girlfriend by his side made things a little easier.

“And remember Mr Leclerc, a lot of rest, taking your medication regularly while following the treatment and I’m sure you’ll be fine in no time.”

“Don’t worry doctor, he has me and his mom who will make sure that he is taken care of.”

Charles grumbled, but when he felt Lyanna's firm hand on his shoulder, he refrained from making any comment.

It was Charles's mother herself who greeted them when they finally arrived. Tears of relief rolled down her cheeks as she was finally able to see her son. Lyanna had planned to step away for a moment to give them some privacy when Pascale approached the young woman and wrapped her in her arms.

“Lyanna, you don’t even imagine how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for Charles. It made me sleep better at night knowing you were there with him. Thank you. So much.”

Lyanna stuttered out a confused "you're welcome", but was nevertheless touched by Pascale's gesture.

"Charles, I hope you don't mind but I've moved into your spare room. I thought it would be easier to help you on a day-to-day basis if I lived with you temporarily. And it would give Lyanna a chance to rest too."

"Are you implying that I'm a handful, Mom?"

"No offence, baby, but you've been a pain in the ass with the nurses. Thank you, Pascale, that's very kind of you. And it helps me leave for London tomorrow with some peace of mind.”

At Charles's, while Lyanna helped him settle into bed with pillows to make him comfortable and ensure his painkillers were taken, Pascale was busy preparing food. As Charles drifted off to sleep, exhausted by the pain and the journey, she slipped away and headed for the kitchen. There, she dropped onto a stool and held her head in her hands. She was exhausted as well which Pascale didn't fail to notice.

“Lya, darling, you’re about to passed out.”

“It’s fine. It’s just all the emotions of the last few days that are catching up to me. I have not had a minute for me in the past week. Always being there for Charles, helping him, reassuring him, trying to distract him… I’m sorry, it’s selfish but I’m relieved you are here, I have finally someone to lean on.”

“It’s not selfish at all. And I’m here for that. Now tell me, how is he? Really. He is always downplaying what he feels when he talks to me. I know he doesn’t want to worry me but he won’t stop me. I don’t think he realizes how scary that accident was. For you or me or his friends and brothers.”

“He tries to be tough and not show he is in pain but it’s pretty obvious. I mean, his ribs are broken. We can’t do anything about it beside waiting for them to repair themselves. And not being able to race is bothering him. He is always on his phone checking the news or calling other drivers and Ferrari staff. He is worried about next season also, I think.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him. But take care of you too, okay? I think being away from him for a few days will do you some good.”

“It would if London was a fun trip but it’s business related and I have a headache just thinking about it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Pascale as she stirred the contents of the pan.

Lyanna glanced toward the room as if Charles might emerge at any moment.

“My ex-boyfriend sued me for defamation because of the interview I gave.”

“Little fucker” muttered Pascale. “Sorry. I read the interview; it was very brave from you. You are admirable Lyanna and I have to admit that I misjudged when I first met you.”

“It’s okay. I would have misjudged myself.”

“Does Charles know about the lawsuit?”

“No and I have no intention to tell him. I want to settle it on my own. Telling him will only add stress on him and it’s the last thing he needs.”

Pascale nodded. The two women ate in silence before Pascale forced Lyanna to take a rest, seeing that she could barely stand. Mechanically, Lyanna went down the corridor to Charles's room and was careful not to make too much noise when she opened the door, as she didn't want to wake him. She undressed silently before slipping under the sheets. Charles was fast asleep. She would have liked to be able to snuggle up to him, in the reassuring warmth of his arms, but the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. So she cradled herself at the end of the bed and hugged the blanket, imagining it was her boyfriend's body. Exhausted, it didn't take her long to fall asleep.

At around 2am, she felt Charles' body tens up and heard annoyed sighs mixed with grunts. Half asleep, she fumbled to turn on the bedside lamp and when she did, she saw Charles trying to get up. She leapt to her feet and put both hands around his shoulders to force him to stay down.

“What are you doing?” she whispered, not wanting to wake Pascale who was sleeping next to their door.

“Nothing. It’s just that, it’s starting to hurt again so I wanted to take a painkiller but I don’t have any water left in the pitcher. I just wanted to go to the kitchen to fill it. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Don’t move, I’m going.” Lyanna sighed.

She got up from the bed and took the pitcher from Charles’ hands. In the half-light and still a little asleep, Lyanna did not see the corner of the coffee table. She bumped violently against it, dropping the empty pitcher from her hands, and watching it shatter into a thousand pieces on the floor.  

“Shit!”

She tried to extricate herself from the mess she had made, but stepped on a piece of glass, causing her to yelp in pain. The noise woke Pascale, who rushed into the living room. Lyanna had managed to sit down on the sofa and was staring dejectedly at the blood beading from the wound.

“Don’t come any nearer Pascale, it’s full of glass around here.”

Charles's mother didn't listen to her, and after taking a broom from the storage cupboard and clearing away the broken bits, she sat down beside the young woman. She was crying. From pain, exhaustion, anxiety and a whole range of other emotions that she could no longer separate from one another.

“Oh my darling… come here.” Said Pascale while taking her in her arms where Lyanna could finally let her tears go freely.

“I try to be strong Pascale; I really try I promise.”

“I’ve never doubted that, Lyanna. Not one second. It’s okay to cry.”

“I love your son; I really do but I feel like sometimes he doesn’t understand that he made things difficult for me since the crash. I’ve been there for him all day every day and took care of him because he didn’t want anyone else to see him like this. And I did that because I love him. But it was hard and not one time did he ask if it was bothering me or if I was okay. It was like everything revolved around him and his accident. I listened to him complaining about everything, I helped him the best I could. And I did it without hesitation and I would do it again. But… in the meanwhile I did not have the time to process everything that happened. I’m sorry, I don’t make any sense. I’m just so tired.”

“I understand sweetheart. I know it’s different but, when Charles’ dad passed away, I became a whole other person. My sons needed me to be strong for them, they did not need to see me torn apart it would have done no good. I supported them and helped them going through their grief because that’s what as a mother thought I was supposed to do. But who was helping me for my grief? They were too caught up in their pain to see that I was sinking too. I never held that against them. But sometimes all we want is to be seen by the other person and for them to recognize that you are also not okay. What you feel, Lyanna, is not selfish or makes you a bad person. It makes you human. I doesn’t mean that you don’t love Charles.”

On the other side of the room, leaning against the wall and trying as best he could to stand, Charles, alerted by the noise, had heard the whole conversation between Lyanna and his mother.

The next day, Pascale accompanied Lyanna to the airport, without Charles. He wasn't feeling very well and preferred to stay at the flat. When Lyanna had returned to the bedroom, he had pretended to be asleep so as not to have to face her. He had spent the night replaying the conversation he had overheard. He felt guilty. He hadn't realised how hard he'd made life for the world around him. As far as he was concerned, they weren't the ones who'd had an accident and broken bones, they weren't the ones who'd been forced to put their careers on hold for a few weeks, weeks he wouldn't be able to make up for. They weren't the ones suffering most in this situation. He was.

But to hear Lyanna, the person he loved the most, mentally pushed to the limit, partly because of him, had hurt him more than all the broken bones in the world could. So he preferred to let her go alone. He was going to give her some space, he knew she needed it. If not having contact with him would make her feel better, then so be it. He had felt Lyanna come up to him before she left to place a kiss on his cheek and whisper an I love you, and he had had to fight with every fibre in his body screaming at him to hold her back for even a moment to tell her how sorry he was for hurting her.

Pushing open the doors of her London flat gave Lyanna a weird feeling. As if it wasn't really her home anymore. This flat, which she adored and had spent months fine-tuning to make a cosy, reassuring place, now gave her nothing but a feeling of immensity and emptiness.  She almost felt like a stranger there. She felt deep down that she had changed, that her vision of life was no longer the same, that she no longer aspired to the same things as a year ago. She knew that this was at least partly due to Charles. She felt more grounded, more alive. Life had regained some colour and was no longer a perpetual mix of greys. She didn't yet know where all this would lead her, but whatever the outcome, she was grateful that life had put Charles on her path.

Just as she was about to take a shower, she received a text on her phone from an unknown number.

We don't have to go to court, Lyanna. We can settle this like two mature adults. Meet me at this address tomorrow.

She didn't need to ask who it was. The address given was a restaurant she knew well, it was where James had taken her on their first date, where it had all started. It was a posh place in central London and the young woman couldn't help wondering what kind of sick game he was playing. She knew she should talk to her lawyer about it, but he would probably advise her not to go, that it was a trap and could backfire. But he couldn't trick her if she tricked him first, could he?

He was already there when she arrived. At the back of the restaurant, away from prying eyes, at the same table as their first date. He watched her walk through the restaurant and arrive at the table without a word. Nor did he hide the way he gawked at her from head to toe, and Lyanna had to do her best to suppress a shudder of disgust. She sat down and looked him straight in the eye.

“What do you want James?”

“Oh come on Lyanna, let’s have an appetizer before the serious talk.”

He leaned back in his seat to call the waiter.

“I’m not interested in small talk. Say what you need to say so we can get this over with.”

He put down the glass of red wine the waiter had brought him and leaned forward on the table to look Lyanna straight in the eye.

“What I want? Simple Lyanna. Excuses. I’ve got a shit press lately because of you. It’s not fair.”

“I’m not going to say sorry because I’ve told the truth.”

“Truth? What truth, Lyanna? Your truth. You have no proof. You never had. Just assumptions.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that the videos and pictures are not from you, that you never had them on your phone.”

He smiled completely unphased.

“What would be the point to admit or not admit it? It’s in the past.”

“Maybe for you but not for me. I just want to know why? Why did you do this to me? You cheated, you were awful during our relationship, it was toxic. But never, never would I have ever thought that you would step that low.”

“You really want to know why? You had always been the one people loved on the show, the little prodigy, the beautiful and innocent Lyanna, little miss perfect. All the attention was on you, at all times. What Lyanna wanted; Lyanna got it. Have you ever thought about what you made us all feel, next to you? Uninterested, untalented. You never knew, you were too busy building your career, planning your next big step. That was all you cared about.”

“That’s not true.”

“Only the truth hurts, Lyanna. We looked good together on screen. It did not surprise anyone when we started to date. I thought that maybe now that I was in your light, opportunities would come at me the same way they were coming at you. But it never happened. It was always you, you, you. So yeah, I was jealous. It was not fair. Why you and not me.”

“So just because of stupid jealousy and rivalry you woke up one day and decided to make my life like hell.”

“Not like hell. You finally got a taste of what me but also the other cast members, our colleagues felt during the shooting of the show. Undesirable. Have you ever taken the time to call them, to talk to them and ask them how they felt. Because I was not the only one who felt that way all those years ago. Everyone did, but I was the only one to have the courage to act. I played you, yes. I made you believe that I loved you. The more you felt on top of the world, the harder I knew the fall would be.”

“So you released those pictures and videos. You knew that I would be deeply impacted by it and that it would follow me for a long time.”

“I never planned to release them. They were supposed to only be for my own entertainment…”

“You are disgusting” se cut him.

“You were not supposed to leave me. I was the one supposed to break you heart to million pieces. It was the plan.”

“So why?”

“I got mad, furious. I couldn't imagine that you'd get away with it and end up looking like the poor little Lyanna, she doesn't deserve that. So yeah, I did the one thing that I knew would crush you. Tainting the innocent and sweet Lyanna was the only way for people to turn their back on you.”

“And what good did it make you? Did you land more roles? No. And you know why James? Because people are able to see how a shitty human being you are. They see right through you.”

“I don’t regret it. I lost everything because your agent made sure that I would never work again. But the thought of knowing that you had the same fate as me, helped me sleep better at night. But now you are back at the top and it’s like those pictures never existed. You almost got an Oscar, you have a shiny toy at your arms with your little Ferrari driver… Speaking of, does he can stand on his own two feet? I have to admit that knowing what happened to him made me believe that there was still a justice out there.”

“Don’t drag him into that. But you know what, he is and will always be a better human than you. He doesn’t make me feel shitty, he loves me, he supports me, he makes me want to be a better person. I don’t wake up in the morning dreading of insults or narky. He is a good man. One you’ll never be. Now, what are we doing here James? What do you want, now?”

“The thing is Lyanna, I won’t ask you to publicly excuse yourself, I would not ask you such a thing.”

“How considerate of you.” She sarcastically said.

“I know, right. However, I’m ready to drop the suit on condition that you pay me some money in return. I have a hard time making ends meet. £500,000 seems a reasonable amount in your case.”

“I don’t earn that amount of money.”

“If you don’t maybe your boyfriend will.”

“So this is what it is about, hum? You can't stand that someone else has me. You're not just after me, you're after Charles too. You can kiss my ass, James. You'll never get a penny from me.”

“See you at the trial then Lyanna.”

“Or not. I recorded this entire conversation and I’m sure that press would be highly interested about it, don’t you think. After all, you know a thing or two about leaking private things, James. Right?”

“You, little cunning bitch.”

“I’ve learned from the best.”

He leapt to his feet, his face flushed with anger, before violently grabbing Lyanna. The young woman tried to resist, but fortunately the noise had attracted the attention of the customers, who didn't hesitate to take photos and videos of the scene. The waiter rushed to her side and forced James to release her, who clutched the table in shock. Realising that he would get nothing out of her, he gave up and stormed off, leaving Lyanna to release her breath. One she was not aware she was holding back.

==========

author's note: What a chapter. So many things, so many things. My sneaky little Lyanna; I love her. James finally got a taste of his own medicine. As usual, I can't wait to have your thoughts about the chapter! taglist: @zendayabelova @purplephantomwolf @ru-kru @dakotali @blueflorals @aundercover @ruleroftheuniverse @fangirlika @writerscurse @elijahmikaelsonbitch @leclerc13 @heeseung-baby

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[didisteponurmoment]

I just got Covid even tho I never leave my house (lame) sooo for a request maybe wandanat / taking care of each other when sick or injured?

Always by your side

Summary �� Wanda and Natasha take care of each other after an accident and grow closer while dreaming of their future together.

Pairings ➞ Wandanat

Word count ➞ 1573

Warnings➞ none, some angst??

A/N  ➞ Plz interact with this so I don’t feel like I’m writing to myself, also feel free to send in a request! I didn’t double-check this and English is not my first language so lmk if there some awful mistake. Thank you for your request!

Wanda and Natasha had been together for a few months now, but they had kept their relationship a secret from the rest of the Avengers. They didn't want to jeopardize their positions in the team, and they also enjoyed the privacy of their relationship.

One day, the Avengers were called on a mission to stop a group of terrorists who had taken over a high-security facility. The mission was dangerous, but the team was confident in their abilities. As they were making their way through the facility, they suddenly found themselves surrounded by the enemy. The fight was intense, and everyone was focused on taking down the terrorists.

In the midst of the chaos, Wanda and Natasha found themselves fighting side by side. They moved in perfect harmony, each one anticipating the other's moves. They were so in sync that it almost felt like they were one person. The fight was going well, and the team was making progress. But then, one of the terrorists threw a grenade at them. Wanda and Natasha were caught in the blast, and they were thrown several feet away. When they regained consciousness, they found themselves lying on the ground, covered in debris. Wanda tried to move, but she realized that she had injured her leg in the explosion. She looked around and saw Natasha lying next to her, unconscious.

"Wake up, Nat!" Wanda shouted, shaking her girlfriend. "Come on, wake up!"

Natasha stirred, groaning in pain. She opened her eyes and looked up at Wanda. "What happened?" she asked, her voice weak.

"We were hit by a grenade," Wanda replied, her voice trembling. "You're hurt, and I think I've injured my leg."

Natasha tried to sit up, but she winced in pain. "I can't move my arm," she said, tears streaming down her face. "It's broken."

Wanda looked at her with concern. "We need to get out of here," she said. "Can you walk?"

Natasha shook her head. "I don't think so," she said. "You're going to have to carry me."

Wanda nodded, gritting her teeth against the pain in her leg. She lifted Natasha in her arms, holding her tightly, and started to move towards the exit. The other Avengers had managed to subdue the terrorists, and they were making their way towards Wanda and Natasha. When they saw them, they rushed over to help.

"Are you two okay?" Steve asked, his voice filled with concern.

Wanda shook her head. "We need medical attention," she said. "Nat's arm is broken, and I've hurt my leg."

"Let's get them out of here," Tony said, as he motioned to the others. "We'll take care of them."

Wanda and Natasha were rushed to the medical bay, where they were treated for their injuries. The rest of the team waited anxiously outside, hoping for good news.When the doctor finally came out, she had a smile on her face. "They're going to be okay," she said. "It'll take some time for them to recover, but they're going to be fine."The team let out a collective sigh of relief, and Wanda and Natasha were taken to their room to rest. They were battered and bruised, but they were grateful to be alive. And they were grateful to have each other.

As Wanda lay in bed, she turned to Natasha and said, "I'm glad you're okay. I don't know what I would do without you."

Natasha smiled weakly. "I'm not going anywhere," she answered.

After the accident, Wanda and Natasha spent several days recovering in their room. The team visited them often, bringing them food and checking on their progress. As they started to feel better, Wanda and Natasha became more affectionate with each other. They held hands and cuddled, grateful for each other's presence.

One day, Steve came to check on them. "Hey, how are you two doing?" he asked, smiling at them.

"We're doing okay," Wanda replied, smiling back. "Thanks for checking on us."

Steve nodded. "I just wanted to make sure you're both okay," he said. "I also wanted to talk to you about something."

Wanda and Natasha looked at each other, wondering what Steve wanted to talk about. "What is it?" Natasha asked.

"I think it's time you two told the team about your relationship," Steve said, his voice serious.

Wanda and Natasha looked at each other, surprised by Steve's suggestion. "What? Why?" Wanda asked, feeling a little panicked.

Steve sighed. "Look, I know you two want to keep things private, but I think it's time to come clean," he said. "The team cares about you, and they deserve to know the truth."

Wanda and Natasha looked at each other again, feeling unsure about Steve's suggestion. They had been so careful to keep their relationship a secret, and they weren't sure how the team would react.

"Think about it, okay?" Steve said, as he got up to leave. "I'll give you some time to talk it over."

Wanda and Natasha were left alone, feeling uneasy about Steve's suggestion. They knew he meant well, but they weren't sure if they were ready to tell the team.

"I don't know if I can do this," Wanda said, looking at Natasha with tears in her eyes. "I'm scared of what they'll think."

Natasha took Wanda's hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it. "I know, baby," she said, her voice soft. "But we can do this. We have each other, and that's all that matters." Wanda nodded, feeling comforted by Natasha's words. She leaned in and kissed her, feeling grateful for her girlfriend's support.

The next day, the team came to check on them again. This time, they brought food and games, hoping to lift their spirits. As they sat around the room, playing board games and eating pizza, Wanda and Natasha looked at each other. They knew they had to tell the team, but they weren't sure how to do it.

Finally, Wanda cleared her throat, feeling nervous. "Guys, we need to talk to you about something," she said, her voice shaking a little.

The team looked at her, sensing her nervousness. "What is it?" Bruce asked, his voice gentle.

Wanda took a deep breath. "Natasha and I are together," she said, looking at Natasha for support.

The team was silent for a moment, processing the news. But then, Tony broke the silence with a smile. "Well, it's about time," he said, laughing. "We've been waiting for you two to figure it out."

The rest of the team nodded, smiling at Wanda and Natasha. They were relieved that the news wasn't met with anger or disappointment.

From that day on, Wanda and Natasha were more open about their relationship. They held hands in public and kissed each other on the cheek, feeling free to be themselves. And as they continued to recover from their injuries, Wanda and Natasha also took care of each other, grateful for the love and support they had.

One night, as they lay in bed together, Wanda felt a sharp pain in her side. She winced, feeling worried. "Natasha, something's wrong," she said, her voice trembling.

Natasha sat up, concern etched on her face. "What is it? Are you okay?" she asked, her voice urgent.

Wanda shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't know, it hurts so much," she said, clutching her side.

Natasha quickly got out of bed, grabbing her phone. "I'm calling Bruce, he'll know what to do," she said, dialing his number.

Within minutes, Bruce arrived, his medical bag in tow. He examined Wanda, checking her vitals and asking her questions. "It looks like you have a ruptured appendix, Wanda. We need to get you to surgery right away," he said, his voice urgent. Wanda felt a sense of panic wash over her. She had never had surgery before, and the thought of it scared her. "Natasha, I don't know if I can do this," she said, tears streaming down her face.

Natasha took Wanda's hand, squeezing it tightly. "You can do this, baby, I'm right here with you," she said, her voice firm. Wanda nodded, feeling comforted by Natasha's words. They held hands as Wanda was wheeled into surgery, feeling scared but also grateful for each other's love.

After the surgery, Wanda was groggy and disoriented. But as she opened her eyes, she saw Natasha sitting by her bedside, a smile on her face. "Hey there, sleepyhead," Natasha said, brushing Wanda's hair out of her face. Wanda smiled weakly, feeling grateful to be alive. "Thanks for being here with me," she said, her voice hoarse.

Natasha leaned in, kissing Wanda's forehead. "Of course, I'll always be here for you," she said, her voice soft.

As Wanda continued to recover, she and Natasha grew even closer. They talked about their future together, dreaming of a life filled with love and adventure. And as they looked back on their journey, they knew that they had each other to thank for everything. Their love had helped them through the toughest of times, and they knew that it would continue to sustain them for years to come

[radiant-reid]

Broken Pieces

A/n: I actually cried writing this, oops. Be prepared for a lot of angst. And I wrote this in one sitting

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Y/n

Genre: Angst (major) with a happy ending

WC: 3.7 k

CW: major spoilers for the season 14 finale | discussion of a hostage situation

Things had been bad for a while.

Y/n wasn't sure when it started. When Spencer got out of prison, and she could finally stop worrying about him, she had enormous concerns about how it would affect their relationship.

But it hadn't. Spencer was more determined than ever to prove his devotion. And, Y/n was terrified to lose him again. It was as if they were in a second honeymoon phase.

Spencer took time off, and they went on holiday to Italy. Spending every day in the sunshine, completely infatuated with each other. It was the perfect stress reliever from Spencer's trial.

When they got back, things stayed good. They fell back into the routine they had created in the 3 years they had been dating, apart from the fact they spend almost all of their free time together. It was a dream. Y/n figured it stayed like that for a year.

Unfortunately, it ended. Slowly but surely, they gravitated away from each other.

When their first honeymoon phase wore off, both of them were extremely dedicated to sticking to their relationship. They were able to keep the warm fuzzy feeling alive because they knew they were meant to be together, no matter what.

But, this time, it seemed to Y/n like Spencer didn't want to. The first time she noticed the difference was when Spencer was held hostage by The Believers cult. When he got off the plane, he didn't rush right into her arms.

Y/n figured enough was enough, which is why she sat in her car in front of her therapist's office. Twisting the ring on her left ring finger, wondering if today would be the day she finally had to take it off.

"Do you still love him?" Doctor Christina King asked her.

Y/n didn't hesitate to nod. "I'll always love him." She replied.

Dr. King nodded her head. "I can tell. You've taken a very healthy step by coming here." She acknowledged. "All couples go through rough patches." That wasn't what Y/n wanted to hear. She knew that. She and Spencer had fought before. "I know I'm not telling you what you want to hear." Wow, she was a damn good therapist. "Are you talking at all?" She questioned.

"Well, often he's on cases, so I don't see him. But, he always used to call. Now he sends me a text when he's coming home." Tears welled in Y/n's eyes at the memory of all the nights she'd spent alone. She was used to being by herself in their apartment, but she found it easier to sleep if she'd talked to him at least once during the day. "When he's in DC, he doesn't come back from work until 7 or 8. He eats dinner at the dining room table while I'm on the couch, usually reading. Then he goes and does paperwork or god knows what until I'm asleep. When I wake up, he's either gone or still asleep." She explained the routine they'd been stuck in for the last few months.

Dr. King nodded and jotted notes down the whole time. "I've got a few things you can do to help." She decided. "Firstly, I have no doubt in my mind that you love Spencer. You use 'he' instead of 'Spencer,' which shows how invested you are." She observed. It made Y/n smile a little. "But, because I've not talked to him, I can't be sure he still wants the same things you do." She tried to put it gently, but it still pained Y/n.

Of course, she'd thought about the fact Spencer probably didn't love her, but she'd never said it allowed. Just in case her fears came true.

"He's never been good at expressing his feelings." Y/n half complained, half defended.

"That can be tough for a lot of people." Dr. King explained. "Especially with the nature of his job." Y/n nodded at that. "I want you to talk to him. Real talk." She directed. The very idea made Y/n's heart race. "Make sure to be kind. It's important you don't end up in a fight. Open communication is crucial in any relationship, but it seems to be strained here." She continued, laying out the problems. "If that doesn't work, I think it would be beneficial for you two to come here. If it does work, then you both need to remember why you love each other. Activities like looking at old photos, going on dates, and intimacy are all going to help enormously." Dr. King explained. Y/n was just hoping it would go well.

"Alright, well, I'll try that out. Thank you." Y/n farewelled as she got up to leave the room.

Dr. King's voice drew her attention back. "He's lucky to have you." Y/n just hoped Spencer still wanted her. With a nod, she left.

Y/n hoped the sort the problem out that night, feeling a tiny bit of confidence. However, when Spencer wasn't home at 11, she decided she was going to bed.

The next day he was gone, clearly having slept next to her but gone.

After that, Spencer left on a case with one simple text. It read, Going to LA.

Until, one day, Penelope called.

"Y/n, did you hear the news?" She eagerly spoke into the phone.

Y/n could actually smile at the friend she'd made in Penelope over the years. "Uh, what news?" At least it couldn't be bad with how excited Penelope seemed.

"Rossi and Kyrstall are getting remarried!" She squealed so loudly Y/n had to hold the phone away from her ear.

"Oh, I had no idea," Y/n replied in a saddened tone.

"Reid didn't tell you?" She questioned.

Y/n diplomatically lied to avoid suspicion about their worsening relationship. "No, we haven't talked much this week."

"Oh," Penelope replied, not letting it deter her optimism but a little bit concerned. "Well, they're on the plane back from LA. Then Rossi's going to propose, and we're going to meet him on the BAU floor. Please tell me you'll come." She all but begged.

As much as Y/n wanted to go, she knew she would dampen everyone's spirits. And she didn't feel like expressing her feelings for Spencer in front of the whole team. "Sorry, I'm really not feeling too well." In her heart. "Will you tell him congrats from me? And send Spence home as soon as you're all done?" She asked, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

Penelope could sense something was off. "Are you okay? I mean, with everything that happened on the case, it's fair for you to be shaken up." Her tone was so caring.

But, her words caught in Y/n's mind. Planting weights that would cause her to sink if she didn't ask. "What do you mean?"

"Reid and JJ being held hostage, did he not tell you?" Penelope quickly asked.

The words made Y/n's heart stop. How unimportant was their relationship if Spencer didn't tell her he could have been killed? She wasn't sure if she wanted to punch him or give him a hug.

"Are you two okay?" Penelope continued her questioning.

The tears were streaming down Y/n's cheeks. "Uh, yeah, I guess he just forgot?" Wow, lame excuse, she thought as soon as she'd said it. "I have to go, P. Talk to you later." She quickly farewelled before hanging up the phone, not giving Penelope any more room to ask questions.

Y/n felt like her whole world had come crashing down. What if Spencer got hurt? Would she find out when Penelope called her? Was she even his emergency contact anymore?

Maybe, there was someone else. That would explain the distance between them. She couldn't stop her mind from crawling to that dark place. Was Spencer cheating on her was the biggest question in her mind. A year ago, she would have said 100% not. But now, as she sat crying on their sofa, she wasn't so sure.

She didn't expect Spencer to be back until late. So, alone, she had dinner and watched some TV.

It was 11 before the door was unlocked, and steps walked in. Usually, she would have looked to make sure it wasn't a murderer. But, maybe if she were taken hostage, Spencer would notice her.

Spencer walked into the living room, glancing at her. Subtly, he looked surprised. She usually wasn't up.

"Hey, Spence, it's nice to have you back." Y/n welcomed him, remembering how her therapist had advised her to act. Kind. She could do kind.

Spencer looked taken aback by her words. "Uh, thanks?" He asked like it was a question. It was the first time in weeks he'd spoken to her while looking at her.

It was the first time she'd had the chance to really take him in. She couldn't stop wondering if he had always been so good-looking.

"I was hoping we could talk." Y/n cautiously spoke, moving over so he could sit next to her. She felt like everything was riding on his reply. All the years of their relationship had lead to this moment.

Spencer's voice was quiet, like a murmur as he replied. "Uh, I've got some paperwork to do. Maybe tomorrow?"

Y/n didn't have time to express how tomorrow never seemed to come before Spencer left the room. She listened as he walked down the hallway, each step crushing her heart. Finally, he must have entered his office.

When he'd closed the door, she finally let out a sob. Still concerned he might hear. If he did, he didn't come.

So, she went to their shared bedroom. Climbing into the bed that hadn't felt warm in months.

And she thought. She thought about what she would do when they inevitably broke up. She'd probably stay at one of her friend's places before getting her own apartment. But who would fix a fuse if it blew?

She wondered if Spencer would chase her.

Would he reach for her in the night? She figured that he hadn't in months, so why would he start.

Would he show up and declared his love for her? She decided probably not, making her choke out more tears.

Would he miss her? Would he go grocery shopping himself? Would he remember to move the breakable objects out of the way when he babysat Michael? Would he figure out how to work Netflix on the TV? Would he fulfill his dream of having kids with someone else?

More than anything, she hoped he wouldn't hurt. Despite how much pain she was in, she didn't want Spencer to stop eating or sleeping. She convinced herself that if he were okay, she would be too. She just needed to put on a brave face and deal with the fact it was all over.

The clock showed it was 12:38 when Spencer walked in, making Y/n wish she had rolled over so he wouldn't have been able to see the tears on her cheeks. Immediately, she stopped them and tried to act like she was asleep.

Still, he didn't say anything. Spencer let her hurt in silence as he got undressed and climbed into bed next to her.

It was the first time in a while she had felt his weight next to hers on the mattress while they were both awake. Something about it felt comfortable, which she detested. She needed the break-up to be professional and quick.

"Am I the reason you cry every night?" Spencer spoke, his words barely above a whisper.

Y/n felt a twisting pain in her chest.

Apprehensively, she rolled onto her back, feeling Spencer's eyes on her. She just wanted to check if it was really him speaking.

"You don't make me cry." She tried to dismiss his claim, wiping her face.

Spencer huffed from next to her, a comfortable distance away. "I see the swelling around your eyes and how blood-shocked they are." He commented.

Y/n wanted to ask him why he'd never said anything, why he'd never tried to stop her pain. But, Dr. King said to be kind. So, she wiped another few tears up and tried not to feel the tightening in her chest. "It's alright, Spence." She assured him with fake confidence.

"Can't you see how fucked up that is?!" He exclaimed much louder than before. It shocked Y/n, both his volume and his swearing. "You're literally wiping up your tears right now and telling me it's okay that I make you cry."

She wondered what gave him the right to be mad. However, she decided open communication was a better idea. "What's happening to us, Spencer?" She asked with the hope of gauging where he was at.

"Nothing," Spencer replied shortly, much more what she was used to.

"If you don't want to talk about what's happening, then say so. Don't just lie and say nothing's happening." She declared, unable to maintain her stoic stance. It felt like everything in their relationship had boiled up to that moment.

Silence. All she got was silence.

"Are we breaking up?" She asked, still not receiving a reply. Instead, she got more tears. "How do I make you love me again, please, tell me?" She reduced to begging, pleading with her silent husband to give her an answer.

"I... I don't know." That was all the reply he gave her.

Y/n had tried so hard not to get mad that she was bursting at the seams. And that set her over the edge. "You're so fucking difficult, Spencer. We haven't talked properly in months. I had to find out from Penelope that you were held hostage and could have died. Do you know how much that worried me!?" She shouted, tears not letting up. Her voice cracked on her next question. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" She managed to get out before sobbing.

"I'm sorry." He apologized quietly.

That was enough for Y/n to know it was well and truly over. She was so tired of fighting for something he didn't give a damn about. "I'll pack my things up tomorrow. Because it's a mutual separation, we only have to wait 6 months to file for divorce. I don't think I can stay here, so the apartment's yours." She briefly told him, going back to her objective approach.

"How do you... How do you know that?" Spencer asked. She knew his tones so well she didn't need to look over to know he was crying.

Y/n shrugged, not that he could see in the dark. "I looked it up." She replied.

"You want to get divorced?" Spencer asked, sounding annoyingly surprised.

"I'm not sure how else I can fix the fact our marriage is over," Y/n replied with a sarcastic laugh. Still crying an impossible amount of tears. "I have to know, was there someone else?" She preempted that his answer would sting. But she had to know.

"What? No, not at all." Spencer claimed adamantly. "And I don't want to get divorced." He decided.

Y/n laughed again before realizing he was serious. "Why not? I don't know what I can do to make you love me again." She replied, trying not to sound too annoyed. She was feeling far too many emotions to be mad. Everything, from fear to relief, but mostly heartbreak.

Hearing that his wife didn't think he loved her broke Spencer's heart. But, then again, why would she? He knew he'd been absent for the last few months.

He let out a loud sob, and Y/n wanted to hug him, but something inside stopped her. A little voice telling her that he didn't want a hug from someone he didn't love.

"I'm so sorry," Spencer said again, not sure what else to say.

"I can't blame you for not loving me. I just wish I could have been a better wife." She replied.

It ripped Spencer's heart up that she was footing the blame. Especially when he caused their distance. He hadn't even touched her in months, and he didn't know why.

He let out a loud groan. "Y/n, you've been the best wife I could ever ask for. I'm sorry I let you down and kept fucking up." He assured her. There was no way he could ever repay her for how much she'd helped him out. There was no kinder person on the planet.

"I just want to know what happened," Y/n replied, trying to get an answer to the big question.

Spencer didn't have one that was good enough. No words could take away the pain she had felt. He felt like such an idiot for not stopping it earlier. It would have been so much easier to fix. "I don't know what to tell you." He started. "There's no answer that justifies how much I've hurt you." He knew he was going to feel selfish for saying his next words. "I love you."

It made Y/n's heart skip a beat the way it used to. She could imagine they weren't in this situation, just for a second. "I love you too." He knew that much was true. "But I'm not sure we can make this work anymore."

Now it was Spencer begging for direction. "How can I fix this? Please, I'll do anything to see you not crying."

"My, uh, therapist said we just needed to be honest." That made Spencer's chest feel uncomfortably tight. He wanted to run to the bathroom and throw up.

He realized Y/n knew it was so bad she had to source help. He couldn't believe how much he'd fucked up. And how much he didn't deserve the sweet girl sobbing next to him, doing everything to fix their relationship.

"Y/n, I had no idea." God, he felt like an idiot. "I'm so fucking sorry. I've caused you so much pain." He figured, completely unsure how he could ever make it up to her.

Just when he thought she couldn't get any more perfect, she turned to face him.

Timidly, she reached out to wipe a tear running down his cheek. It was a touch like neither of them had ever felt, so soft and nervous.

Spencer had no idea what he'd done to deserve someone like her. He wasn't about to do anything to jeopardize it, so he turned to face her. For the first time in far too long, he was right where he wanted to be. Staring into Y/n's eyes. Despite the tears streaming down both their cheeks, it was perfect.

"I'm just so sorry, Y/n." Spencer pleaded again. He felt like he could tear his hair out. Like 100 years in prison wasn't a long enough sentence for making her cry.

Still, she shook her head. "I know you are, Spence." Oh, how had he missed his nickname coming from her lips. "I just want us to be okay again." She admitted.

Spencer had never, ever wanted anything more. "I don't deserve you at all." He reminded both of them. "But, I'm going to spend every day making it up to you if you'll forgive me."

Y/n nodded at him. "I love you, Spencer Reid, and I forgive you." She replied, cupping his face, despite her fingers being too small.

"I love you, Y/n Reid, and I'm so lucky to have you," Spencer replied, eternally grateful he got to spend the rest of his life with her.

Y/n smiled genuinely at him, not a fake smile this time. He'd never get sick of it. Spencer didn't waste a second cupping her face, using the pad of his thumb to wipe her falling tears away.

Slowly, she leaned in, dying for a kiss she had been missing.

Spencer pulled back before his lips met hers, despite how much he wanted to kiss her forever. "I need to tell you something."

Y/n gulped, pulse quicking at whatever his news was. "Yeah?" She meekly asked.

"Jennifer." He started using her first name, which was extremely odd. Y/n was hoped JJ was alright. Penelope hadn't mentioned anything to the contrary. "She told me she loved me."

That made Y/n drop her hands off Spencer's face, feeling her heart shattering all over again. Her world crumbling around her. "Do you love her? Is that why this isn't working?" She pressed.

"No, no, not at all." Spencer quickly rushed out, wanting to wipe the broken look off her face. "Maybe when I was 24 in a childhood crush way. But as soon as I met you, I knew you were the only person I'd ever want." He assured her, running his thumbs over the newly forming tears.

"Why did she?" Y/n asked.

It only occurred to Spencer then that she had no idea about the events of his day besides him being held hostage. "The unsub. He made us play a messed-up truth or dare game. He was deranged, he had a gun, and we were tied up. He wanted JJ to tell me something she'd never told anyone."

"Oh." Y/n let out, understanding the situation better. At least JJ hadn't randomly blurted it out. She was coerced.

"I don't know if it was true," Spencer admitted. "But she looked sure." He decided. "But she mentioned as being young a lot."

Y/n though she understood. "I think you were the first person she loved, and some of her heart will always belong to you. But, I've seen the way she looks at Will and the boys. It's how I look at you." She found her own meaning from what Spencer was telling her.

"You never fail to surprise me with how smart you are. I couldn't put it into words. No part of me thinks she'd ever leave Will and the boys." He admitted. JJ loved her family, and as Y/n had explained it, it was just puppy love.

Y/n's hands were back on his cheeks. "Can we kiss now?" She asked.

Spencer didn't reply verbally. They were both so starved of the other's lips, the kiss felt like it was 1000 years in the making. Like the universe was finally at rest.

Both of them were crying, holding each other's faces, and lip-locked. But it was perfect.

And they were back.

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[harrysmimi]

Let's Go Home [requested]

Synopsis: Harry and YN get into a fight due to poor communication.

Requested by @/vrittivsanghavi

More of my work

YN and Harry had the right to be mad at each other in their own ways.

He's been away for two months now. YN was upset that he had added ten more shows which would take up another almost a month. She missed him. Like crazy!

Getting to text or face time wasn't even a thing for them both. YN's Doctor and she's got long shifts where she have to go hours on hours without being able to even look at her phone. Now that she is been done with her residency and have gotten a job a different hospital. It was alot, she have her own patients now. And Harry is constantly in different time zones which adds more to their difficulty to at least make some small talk.

They were both so happy when they finally got married not even a year ago. It had to be lowkey as didn't wanted his personal life to be a public knowledge. Though her parents did not approve of the marriage of them, they had an amazing wedding. Just a small ceremony for memories.

Harry was upset because... He loved touring and being on stage. That's his favourite part of his job. It was her job that she could not take days off whenever she wanted, he would take her everywhere with him. But he signed up for it when he said yes to marry her and so did she.

But it was frustrating. They both didn't live together before they got married. It was a new thing. And YN wanting her partner to be there at their new home was very understandable. YN had her own flat where she lived with her younger brother and sister as they're in London to study as well. She dreaded to go back to an empty penthouse they both bought together. It is always erie without him. She instead opted to stay at the hospital as much as she could, the lack of sleep, not eating well enough, plus being surrounded by all different kinds of germs and bacterias made her sick. But she was the hospital, she took her medication and was well taken care of by her colleagues and other nurses.

She was having another hectic day, as a new surgeon, well everything was very new. She had few surgeries scheduled for which she had to study and prepare herself mentally. But she took her time to try and call Harry today. It just the time before his show started. It was Jeffery who answered the call and said he's already on stage. He's coming home in two days anyway.

"YN, we've found the Kidney donor for Mr. Alfred. We need to prepare for surgery now." A nurse came to inform YN about the surgery.

"Okay get the OR ready," she nodded.

Sighing she grabbed her phone and left to check up on the patient, and discuss about the surgery. It was one of her first lead surgeries where she wasn't going to just observe and learn but perform it on someone. It took next two and half hours to get the Operation Room ready and sterilised. YN was just going to her her own sterilising process and putting on her scrubs. When she got a call from Harry.

"Go on take it," Nurse Leena said.

YN answered the call, "hey baby, how are you?" Harry said, heavy breathing like he just got off the stage and is still high on adrenaline.

"Hey I'm good," she said, "Harry, I'm sorry I've got to rush for a surgery now. Can you call you after?"

"What you called, I was feeling bad the whole time!" He whined.

"I know Harry, but it's important." She tried to rush.

"How long is it going to take?"

"Maybe four to five hours. Or even six, I don't know really. But I'll call you yeah?" She suggested.

"Fine, I'll be on the plane by the time so I'll have turn my phone off."

"Okay, okay we can talk when you get back home yeah?" She said.

"Mhmm, see you." He said, sounding very upset.

"I love you," she said.

"Love you too," he said. And the line went dead.

YN was quick to get back to work. The surgery took almost five hours as she predicted but was successful.

It was very difficult for her mentally. Hearing her husband upset. But he made her upset too. He would have been home three weeks ago. He decided to add more dates to his tour.

It was very complicated, she didn't wanted to tell him to just stop his work and be there with her mainly because she couldn't do that for him. He didn't thought of going back to her after the initial tour ended but added more dates, without even telling her. Which made her more mad and upset.

Focusing on something important that someone's life was on line was difficult. But she couldn't turn down her patient as well.

It put in a lot of toll on her, plus the lack of energy and hydration made her throw up as soon as she stepped out of OR. It was nothing new, she has been throwing up since forever, but not every morning. It happened when she didn't cook at home and ordered from a restaurant.

"YN," Leena was quick to assess her there and be there by her side and she threw up right on the floor in front of her, "it's okay, it's okay let it out."

And that was the last thing she remembered before she completely blacked out. Waking up in a hospital bed as a patient was something new to her, plus her throbbing head didn't help one bit for her to understand her own situation.

"Good morning," she was greeted by Leena.

"It is morning already?" She was shocked.

"Yup!" Leena nodded, "how are you feeling now?"

"Good, but I've got a a very bad fucking headache." YN sighed.

"Do you think you know why you passed out last night after surgery?" Leena asked.

"I am not proud of it, but I haven't got to eat well for a few days."

"Weeks," Leena corrected her, "do you think it's just that or something else?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," YN got confused.

"Do you want to take a pregnancy test?" Leena asked bluntly.

"I— what? I'm not pregnant." She shook her head.

"You've been nauseous, throwing up almost every morning, and I can ho and on about the symptoms I'm noticing in you," Leena went on, "just take the test just to be assure."

"I have an IUD, I can't be pregnant. It have 0.4 to 1% failure rate." YN defended herself.

"Just take the test will you? We'll look into it," Leena assured her.

"And I've been getting my period—" she stopped as she found no use in arguing and just going by her nurse. Because well, it was quite common to have normal and small about period like cycles throughout the pregnancy.

......................................................................

As expected, she was pregnant!

She wasn't from the 1% of demographic who's IUD failed them, but she never realised her's fell out. Too much information? Yeah, maybe!

Now she was having an ultrasound to just check up on her baby. It was important. Which told her than she was already 12 weeks in and not showing up yet.

"Your baby is very healthy," Dr. Smith assured her. "Didn't you want to call your husband?"

"He's on flight back home. I'll tell him when I go home." YN explained taking the ultrasound pictures from doctor.

After that YN was back to work. She had a 48 hour shift which had to het through if she doesn't want her salary to be deducted as she's got bills of her own to pay. She had another very minor surgery scheduled which was successful as well

Leena was after her, asking her to go back home. And Harry was already home now. But she had an argument with him on the call not even an hour ago. About the same thing, he told her he was going out with Mitch and Sarah for dinner if she's not coming home anytime soon after the argument, which made her even more mad.

"I'll just extend my shift for another six hours." YN said, "will take up for the ER duties."

"You should go home and rest," Leena suggested.

"I've got work," she made the excuse.

"You just said you'd take up with ER, go home darling."

"I don't want to okay!" She snapped, "I don't want to go home. I had an argument with my husband and I don't want to go home to an empty house. I'd rather stay here. I'm sorry!" She left to go to her office.

Like she promised, she was helping with the ER she almost passed out again.

"Call your husband and go home YN, you need rest darling," Dr. Brie suggested who she was assisting, "don't drive back."

"No, no I'm fine." YN assured her.

But Harry was called to the hospital, after she blacked out again. YN's always been very stubborn, Harry was well aware of that but when Leena explained him her condition he couldn't help but feel guilty for making her that mad. He had to really leave the dinner and go see his wife, she is always going to be his first priority no matter how mad he is at her or how mad she is at him.

"Did you call him Leena?" YN asked the first thing when Harry knocked on her office door.

"Yes, and take her home with you. She needs rest." Leena turned to Harry before she left the room for the couple to talk things out.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He rushed towards his wife, crouched down in front of her chair, "you look so tired baby, let's go home yeah?"

"Leave me alone Harry, I seriously do not want to talk to you!" She exclaimed, making an effort to turn around and continue her work but he had good grip on her turning chair.

"Come on tell me what's the matter?" he urged her, "I understand why you're mad now. I shouldn't told you all those things. I'm really sorry baby!"

"I'm home now yeah, I ain't leaving for six months now." He assured her, "but I want you to tell me what's wrong? Why did you fainted, twice? It's making me very worried."

She sighed and grabbed the file of her blood work and the Ultrasound pictures.

"I'm pregnant," she showed him the report, "I threw right after I got out of Operation Room and passed out. I don't know when my IUD fell out."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all that," he sighed, "I, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, di you forgive me?"

"Yeah, and I'm sorry as well." She nodded, "I know you love to tour, I just... It doesn't matter."

"No, no I'm not mad at you anymore. You gotta tell me 'cause it matters. To me." He rushed.

"I just didn't liked going back to empty House Harry, I don't know..." She trailed off, "I don't know."

"It's okay," he said, "can I kiss you?"

"Please!" She requested. He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her mouth. "Do you not want this?"

"I never said that," he cooed.

"You didn't say anything."

"I know, I was just trying to process it." He took in a deep breath, "Do you want this?"

"Mhmm!" She nodded.

"Then we're having this baby," he grinned, "I know we never really planned this but I promise I'll be there by your side!"

"I know," she smiled back, finally. "I love you Harry!"

"I love you more, lovie." He pressed another kiss on her lips, "do you want to go home now, we cant talk about this more, yeah?"

"Yeah, let me log out and we can go." She agreed.

"I'll wait," he sat on the the vacant chair right in front of her desk. Looking at the anatomical heart model made of plastic on her desk, he looked very adorable looking at real looking model of human heart. he didn't even realise that YN was ready to leave.

"Harry?" She called for him.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go home now," she held out her hand for him.

"Let's go home," he smiled holding her hand back.

E N D N O T E :

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