#but i’m not even close with my siblings being around them gives me anxiety i don’t want to deal with this

[permanentreverie]

will i ever have a birthday that i don’t hate with my entire soul

[waywardxrhea]

loml - a Spencer Reid one shot

pairing: Spencer Reid x former BAU!fem!reader (no use of y/n)

word count: ~15k (this one's a beast whoops)

You left behind the BAU years ago and have been working as the captain of the police force in small town Montana when a string of murder-suicides catch your attention and you start looking into them. The BAU is called in and you become overwhelmed by feelings surrounding your ex-boyfriend Spencer Reid as you attempt to investigate this case and clear the air between the two of you.

content: canon-level violence, blood, swearing, anxiety, idiots in love

now playing: loml by taylor swift

not my gif, dividers by @firefly-graphics, and once again shoutout to my bestie @westernbitch for helping to come up with case details for this one!

A sharp knock broke the silence of your office and you looked up to see one of your reporting officers at the door with a look on her face that told you something terrible happened. “What's going on, Kate?” you asked, placing the file you were holding down onto the desk to give her your full attention. 

She sat down in the chair across from you and taking a shaky breath, she whispered, “There’s been another murder-suicide… It was Natasha and Hayden…” 

“Oh my God I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do for you or your family right now?” you asked, getting up and making your way around the desk to give the younger officer a hug. 

Kate’s sister and her boyfriend had taken off nearly two months ago for their freshman year at UCLA and weren’t due back until Thanksgiving. Maybe the pair didn’t agree on their majors like they originally decided or got spooked by the big life changes and decided that this was the best course of action. He did have a history of prior juvenile battery charges… Nonetheless it just wasn’t sitting right with you… Not after two other murder-suicides within the last four months. So after sending Kate home to be with her parents and remaining sibling, you went to investigate the crime scene. 

When you got back and had some time to do some thinking, you called one of your detectives into the office. “You wanted to see me?” came his voice as he stepped into the office a few minutes later. 

You stopped your fast-paced writing of theories to offer a polite smile as he sat down across from you after closing the office door. “I wanna see if you can connect the same dots that I am, Josh.”

“Okay, shoot,” he says, leaning forward with an eager smile. Josh had joined your squad a few months ago as a rookie detective and he was always ready to look into anything that came across your desk. 

“Six months ago the Fenways went away to mourn his cousin’s death in Florida. Then before anyone even knew they were back home, they both turn up dead in what was ruled a murder-suicide,” you started, tapping your pen along the paper sitting on the desk in front of you. “Then the Greenwoods turned up in the same situation a couple months later after going away on an Alaskan cruise.”

“Maybe that was the breaking point for both men. Everyone knew their marriages were on the rocks for months before that happened,” Josh said in a contemplative voice as he leaned back into his chair. “Losing a relative and driving all the way down to Florida and back could have caused some tension that made him snap. Same with being stuck on a boat for a few weeks. I heard they weren’t allowed to dock and were stranded on board for a week or so because of a conservationist protest. That would make anyone’s temper short.”

“That’s what I thought too,” you agreed. “However, Natasha Quinn and Hayden Welkins just turned up dead in another apparent murder-suicide.”

“No way!” Josh said, his eyes widening in shock at the news. He ran a hand over his chin and asked, “Is Kate okay?”

“She’s at home mourning with her family. She’ll be off for the next few days but I’m taking her off of this investigation,” you replied. 

“Investigation? Why is it a-?” he said, but then paused in the middle of his sentence. “Wait, you think there’s someone behind this, don’t you?”

“That I do,” you affirmed with a nod. “One was a tragedy, two could be a coincidence, but three? I think someone’s behind this. It could be someone manipulating them into killing.” You looked at the pictures of the dead bodies in the file you began creating in front of you and sighed. You scrunched your eyebrows together and shook your head as you said, “There’s so far been no signs of physical torture on the victims. They were all found days post-mortem in wooded areas off of trails though, so their bodies were worse for wear so we can’t exactly rule it out. Even then, psychological torture is a viable option.”

“So maybe the trips away weren’t even real… Maybe whoever is doing this created fake letters to send to all of the victims to make everyone in town aware that they would be gone so suspicion wasn’t raised…” Josh said as dots began to connect in his mind. “And as much as I hate to say this, Natasha and Hayden may have been a crime of opportunity. They could have been driving home exhausted when something happened and they were grabbed.”

A proud smile made its way onto your face at his theory and you nodded, telling him, “Exactly what I was thinking. Whoever this unsub is is getting sloppy and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.”

“W-wait, us? You want me on this?”

“As a rookie detective you just deduced what I did as a former FBI agent with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. You’ve got what it takes, Josh. So yes, I’m asking you to help me out with this case,” you said with an encouraging nod. “This is a small town and people talk, so let’s get out there and see what anyone knows.”

“Yes ma’am!” he said, jumping up from his chair and turning toward the door with a spring in his step. 

“And Josh?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“This case is on a need to know basis so it stays between us unless I tell you someone else is allowed to know about it. Got it?”

“Got it!” he said while giving you a two-finger salute and a sideways smile. 

“So be subtle!” you shouted with a laugh as he exited the office and set out to begin his investigation while you conducted yours. 

A few weeks later you were making some headway in the investigation on the murder-suicide case. One crisp November morning when you and Josh were talking with someone over coffee about what they knew of the Greenwoods and their supposed vacation, you heard a scream outside of the diner. With your eyebrows scrunching together, you looked outside only to see a man holding a woman in a chokehold with a gun pointed to her head. 

Rushing out of the diner, you made your way to the area near the fountain where he was at and held up your empty hands to show that you meant no harm. When you got closer you finally recognized the man and woman standing in front of you. They were a married couple that had moved to the town a couple of years ago after vacationing in the area. From the outside they were a happy couple, but you had heard around the rumor mill that she had cheated on him on occasion when she was drunk. 

“Hey,” you began in a soft voice, one you would use if you were approaching a skittish animal so you didn’t spook it off. “Hunter, can you please put the gun down? We can talk okay? Just let Hanna go and we can talk things out.”

“No!” he shouted, pointing the gun in your direction to fend you off. “She deserves this! He told me so!”

“What did she do to deserve this, Hunter?” you asked softly as you creeped closer slowly. All the while, the emaciated woman just stood there catatonically in his hold. There was no hint of light in her eyes and if you didn’t see her breathing you would have guessed she was already dead. “Who told you this?”

“All you women are the same! He told me that all you do is lie! All you do is take advantage of us and then leave when it’s convenient for you!” he shouted, voice strained and eyes with a wild look in them. It was a look you had seen too many times during your time in the BAU, but before you could take further action to try and talk the man down, the first shot already rang out followed in quick succession by the second. 

A whirlwind of emotions filled your body in response to the event and they paralyzed you as you stared at the pair of bodies on the ground in front of you. Shock, disbelief, horror, confusion. A roaring sound filled your ears as your mind flashed to the day you decided to leave the BAU, but your thoughts were torn away from that time when you felt hands on your shoulders gently shaking you back to reality. “Captain. Captain! Are you all right?” came Josh’s voice through the cotton feeling in your ears. 

“I need to call Emily…” you whispered in reply, the back of your hand going to wipe away some of the blood that had spattered onto your face and was starting to slowly drip down. It hurt your pride to call in your former team and you have always dreaded the day you needed to, but you knew that you were in over your head trying to solve this on your own anymore…

“Okay, will everyone gather around? We’ve got a case,” Emily Prentiss announced to her team as she strode into the bullpen of the offices of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. 

“What’ve we got this time?” Tara Lewis asked as she looked up from the paperwork she was finishing up at her desk. 

“It appears to be a string of manipulated murder-suicides up in Montana. I have it on good authority that the latest victim was implying that someone convinced him that his wife deserved to die and then he took his own life shortly after hers,” Emily informed the team as they gathered in the area. “The other acts were not witnessed but I’m sure if we did a deep dive into their personal lives we would find evidence that the other male victims believed the same of their partners. This is the fourth murder-suicide in the town in five months and the unsub seems to be getting more brazen with his acts so we’re wheels up in thirty.”

“Fourth in five months? Why did the locals wait so long to contact someone?” Luke Alvez asked, the corners of his mouth turning down into a frown at the thought of someone letting this go on for so long. 

“Because the captain is a former one of ours,” she replied, shooting Luke a look that said to not reprimand the actions of the officer. “She was working the case herself and was beginning to make headway when the unsub set the latest two out to commit the act in the middle of downtown. Happened right in front of her. This case is escalating and it’ll take more than one set of trained eyes on it to catch this guy.”

“A former one of our own? Who is she talking about?” JJ asked quietly to no one in particular.

“Oh I know exactly who she’s talking about…” Penelope Garcia said quietly with a glance in the direction of Spencer Reid who seemed none the wiser about who their unit chief was talking about. 

JJ followed Garcia’s glance and quietly gasped as she asked, “You don’t mean-?”

“Yes I do mean!” Penelope said conspiratorially as she leaned in closer to the blonde. “When she left, Spencer never contacted her because he was so broken up over Maeve’s death that by the time he was finally in a headspace to process the breakup and her leaving the team it was far too late to try and make amends so he just never did! He doesn’t know where she went and she cut off all contact with the team except for me and it’s been a secret that I have hated keeping for so long because I know we all loved her so very much!” Penelope took a deep breath and let it out as she slouched back in her chair as if keeping that in all these years was a heavy weight that had finally been taken off of her shoulders. “You can’t tell him though!”

“Why not? He deserves to know that he’s going to be walking into his ex-girlfriend's police station!” JJ whispered back. 

“If you had a nasty breakup with someone would you want to know you were heading to meet with them and have to stew in that anxiety and uncertainty for hours on the plane ride there?” Penelope asked, a stern look in her eye as she once more straightened up in her chair. “That big brain of his would work overtime trying to figure out what to say so that you would make zero headway on the case!”

“Fine…” JJ relented. A small smirk graced her lips as she added, “I’ll keep you in the loop with how awkward he gets.”

“You better!” Penelope said. An air of seriousness washed over her for a moment as she added, “I know this case may dredge up a lot of old memories for Spencer so can you just keep an eye on him?”

“Of course,” JJ replied. Penelope smiled in return before heading off to her office with a file of information to look into on the victims. 

Time went by paradoxically during the wait for the BAU to show up at your station. It went slowly because you dreaded the looks on everyone’s faces upon seeing you after nearly four years with no contact. As you showered the blood off of yourself in the staff locker room, your mind once more flashed back to the day you decided to leave the BAU. 

It had been months of feeling distant from Spencer as he got closer and closer with the geneticist you pushed him to go to in order to get to the bottom of the headaches that had been plaguing him on and off for some time. Maeve Donovan. May she rest in peace, but she was the reason your relationship with Spencer fell apart… As their talks got deeper and he opened up to her more, you felt like you were sloughed away from Spencer’s life, brushed off so he could take calls with her and discuss what for the most part never even sounded like his could-be battle with schizophrenia like his mother… 

You remembered the day he had wrapped a book to give her when they decided to first meet. You couldn’t even remember the name of the book, but the returning feeling of heartbreak made a quiet sob escape your mouth as you scrubbed the shampoo into your hair harshly. The dam finally broke as you remembered the day that you and the whole team took time off of the clock to help Spencer out with getting to the bottom of who was stalking Maeve and making her fear for her life. Tears flowed freely from your eyes and dripped down into the soapy water swirling into the drain as you pictured Spencer sobbing over Maeve’s body as she too was killed in a murder-suicide. Hearing him whisper the words that you hadn’t heard in weeks of “I love you,” to her as he cried was what sealed the deal because in your heart you knew Spencer didn’t love you anymore. 

It took a few more days to make the final decision but in a whirlwind of anxiety you had made many phone calls back home to your parents and they encouraged you to take some time away from the BAU to come home to Montana and figure things out. So you put your notice with Hotch in and quietly broke things off to a catatonic Spencer who was so bereft following Maeve’s death that he didn’t even react to the breakup. 

Once back home you spent a few months piecing yourself together before moving for a job offer you felt like you couldn’t refuse and since then had been promoted to Captain after a year. It wasn’t ever what you planned for your career, but life has a funny way of guiding you in the direction you’re meant to go. 

Turning to face the shower stream once again, you scrubbed your face with your face wash one more time to ensure you got all of the blood off before turning off the shower and beginning to dry yourself. You wiped away the steam from the mirror in front of you and looked at your reflection, squeezing your eyes shut as you pictured the blood on your face again. When you looked back up at yourself again, it was obvious that you had been crying so you made quick work of getting dried off and into a fresh set of clothes that Josh brought from your house before heading to your office to try and freshen up with the meager set of makeup you had in there. 

You were surprised to see your entire makeup collection on the desk and as you sat down to begin working the makeup on, Josh popped his head into your office, saying, “Hey Cap! Lindsey went with me to get your stuff and we grabbed all of that for you. Said something about seeing your ex-”

“I told you not to tell her that!” came the voice of another one of your officers as she made her appearance in the doorframe. She shot you an apologetic look and said, “I’m sorry I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s just that-”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you said before forcing a cheery smile on your face at the pair in front of you. “Thank you two for getting the clothes and makeup from my place, I appreciate it.” You resumed your makeup with slightly shaking hands as you asked, “Now can you go make sure the work area is in the order I requested? Whiteboards and markers ready, corkboard cleared of the meme wars, desks available, coffee brewing with plenty of sugar because I know we were almost out earlier this morning.”

“Yes ma’am,” they chorused before taking off to get the space ready for the team’s arrival which would be… in less than an hour. 

The hour flew by as you went over the case file once again and you jumped as you heard a knock on your door that pulled you out of your concentration. Looking up, you couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto your face as you said with quiet enthusiasm, “Emily! It’s been a while. How have you been?”

“I’ve been well. As you know I got promoted to Unit Chief after Hotch left. I see you’ve been getting some promotions too,” she said warmly as you stood up and offered your arms out for a hug which she accepted. “Garcia?” she asked simply and you knew she was asking how you had kept up with things in your absence, so you nodded. When you pulled away, she glanced at the notes on your desk and asked, “Are you ready for the brief with the team?”

The question made your heart jump in its cage. “Who all is left from my days on the team? What new faces can I expect?” you asked, trying to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. 

“Spencer’s here if that’s what you’re getting at,” she replied softly as she reached down and gave your arm a reassuring squeeze. 

“Damn profilers,” you said jokingly before taking a deep breath and gathering up your files to take to the main area of the station to meet with the team. 

Your heart hammered in your chest so hard you could practically feel it jumping up in your throat as you approached the meeting area. You busied yourself with your papers as you and Emily made your way over, sweat beginning to dampen your hands the closer you got. You practically stopped breathing when your eyes looked up and met Spencer’s. He looked as handsome as ever, maybe even more, and all at once you felt everything rushing back, waves of emotions threatening to engulf you as you struggled to breathe under his gaze. 

Spencer looked like a deer in headlights when he spotted you and you couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking at that moment. The look on his face suggested that no one told him that the case was being manned by you and while it made you happy that Penelope kept her word, you weren’t sure if the look of shock he was sporting was a good or bad thing… 

You were ripped away from your anxious thoughts and Spencer’s eyes as a cheer in a distinctive accent broke through the chatter of the office. Your name was called enthusiastically and you turned in the direction of the sound to see David Rossi sporting a wide grin as he held his arms out to embrace you. “How’ve you been kiddo?” David asked as he embraced you quickly before holding you at arms length to survey your features that had no doubt matured since he last saw you. 

“The last 24 hours or the last four years?” you asked with a quiet laugh. “I’ve been making it though. Can’t complain.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said before turning you toward the rest of the team and telling you, “That’s Tara Lewis and Luke Alvez, they’ve joined the team since your departure. I’m sure you’ll love them!”

You offered the two of them a smile before suddenly you were being pulled into a hug by JJ and when she pulled away you couldn’t help but wonder how the hell you were supposed to greet Spencer. You were always a hugger, everyone knew it, and you actually shocked the office when Spencer let you hug him just a few days after you joined the BAU. But that time felt like a distant memory and your eyes turned to the ground instead of looking back at the man who used to bring you so much comfort but at the same time, more than ever you wanted so desperately to be in his arms…

Thankfully you didn’t have to make a decision on the matter because Emily’s voice cut through the quiet roaring in your ears as she said, “Yes, yes we all missed her, but we can get back to the reunion later. Right now we’ve got an unsub to track down.” She called your name before asking, “What do we know?”

You cleared your throat and went into work mode, telling the team, “So far we have eight victims.” You began placing pictures of the scenes on the table as you listed off their names, “First was Nora and Henry Fenway who we as a town thought went off to Florida after Henry got the news that his cousin passed away. Big Catholic family who wanted to perform a lot of traditional stuff for the funeral. They were found over a month later by some tourists hiking through the trails on the outskirts of town.

“Next was Theresa and Harry Greenwood who were set to embark on an Alaskan cruise and got stuck in the water due to some conservationist protest. The protest story checks out, but when we called the cruise line a week or so ago, there was never a record of the couple on board, so we think that the cruise package they were boasting about winning was a ruse to make sure that the rest of us knew they were expected to be away for a while. They were found dead near a river off of a popular hiking trail.

“Third was the sister of one of my officers. Natasha Quinn and her boyfriend Hayden Welkins were thought to be off at UCLA for college but were found dead in an abandoned cabin that has been a known squatting location. Kate told us that there wasn’t too much contact from her sister during the time, but they all put it off to her being busy with school.”

You took a deep breath and tried to push the memory of the latest shooting out of your mind, but you could tell that your voice was distant as you detailed the latest pairing. “And just this morning it was Hanna and Hunter Newberry. He came out into the middle of downtown with Hanna in a chokehold and shot both her and himself but not before saying that ‘he’ told him that she deserved it.”

“Do we know anything about who ‘he’ might be?” JJ asked. 

“No idea,” you replied. “Josh and I have been doing some digging to see who started the rumors about the protest with the cruise, but it became a dead end when the first person who heard it said they just heard someone on the phone talking about it but they didn’t remember when it was or where they were.”

“You said that Kate’s sister didn’t have frequent contact. Does that mean she still texted occasionally?” Luke asked. 

“Kate and her family were getting occasional check-ins from Natasha, yes,” you confirmed. “Kate told me that the texts were pretty short for the most part though and that they didn’t really seem like her usual style of texting. She put it off to being busy between classes and trying to get into sororities though.” 

“I’ll have Penelope look into that,” Emily commented, taking down another note on the notepad she had in her hand. 

Your heart skipped a beat once more as Spencer’s voice cut through the air as he said, “All of the men’s names start with an H. I wonder if it could be the first initial of the unsub and he’s expressing himself through these killings. Maybe this is some twisted fantasy of his and he’s acting it out.”

“So you’re saying he might have an endgame?” David asked thoughtfully. 

“Yes, and I don’t think he’s going to stop until he gets her,” Spencer confirmed as he pondered over the photographs you left on the table before stepping away. 

“Then let’s get to work,” Emily said. She called your name to get your attention and informed you, “Tara and I will interview you about what you saw this morning. Spencer get started on the geographical profile. David head to the medical examiner’s office to see if there’s anything you can find on the bodies. Luke go see if you can get CCTV footage from the businesses around the crime scene. JJ start working with Josh to interview the other witness from this morning to see if she knows where the couple came from. I’ll patch Penelope in so she can get started on a list of men whose names start with an H that live in the area.”

“So can you walk me through exactly what happened this morning?” Tara asked you as you sat across from her and Emily in an interrogation room half an hour later. There was a part of you that for some reason felt like you were in trouble, but you understood the reason behind it. It was the easiest way to record the conversation and keep distractions from factoring into your memories of your encounter. 

“Josh and I were speaking with a cousin of the Greenways to see if they could give us some insight into how their marriage was when I heard a scream outside of the diner,” you replied quietly, eyes focused on the metal table between the three of you as you tried to remember everything. “When I got out, there was a bystander. She was the one that screamed and Josh took her away to make sure she didn’t get hurt.” You began picking at the sleeve of your sweatshirt as you continued, “I didn’t recognize the couple at first, they both looked worse for wear. Hunter is usually clean shaven but he had a wild beard that clearly hadn’t been taken care of and Hanna looked like her hair hadn’t been brushed in days… He had this wild look in his eyes and she just…she looked practically dead already.”

“How do you mean?” Tara asked curiously. 

“Well…there was no light in her eyes. Her cheeks were sunken in and she wasn’t even fighting. She just stood there,” you replied. “Even when Hunter was shouting and waving the gun there was no reaction whatsoever.”

“And what was Hunter shouting?” Emily asked. 

You paused for a moment and thought before replying, “He said, ‘She deserves this! He told me so!’ and then when I asked what he meant and who told him that he said something like, all women are the same and that he was told all we do is lie and take advantage of men and then leave when it’s convenient for us. And then…” you let out a sharp breath and closed your eyes as you remembered what happened next, “then he shot her and then himself.” You dabbed a tear away from the corner of your eye before adding, “I was so close to him when it happened… I… I just froze. Their blood was all over me and I just…” you didn’t even know how to finish your sentence as you let out a shaky breath, trying to hold your tears back and keep your hands occupied by messing with the hem of your sweatshirt. 

“It’s been a long time since you’ve been so close to something like that,” Emily offered quietly. 

“Exactly…” you whispered. “It reminded me why I left the BAU. When my anxiety and depression got so bad and I just couldn’t take it anymore… The job, life, everything was just too much. It broke me.”

“And that’s completely understandable,” Tara said empathetically, giving you a warm smile. There were a few moments of silence that were filled with her taking notes before she offered, “If you need a minute alone we can cover for you until you’re ready to go back out there.”

“Thank you,” you replied with a nod, leaning your head down onto your arms and feeling the cool metal of the table on your cheek to try and ground yourself before you slipped off into another breakdown. 

Meanwhile outside of the interrogation room, Spencer stood there with his heart breaking. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear JJ approach until she asked, “What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to work on the geographical profile.”

Spencer startled a bit before sighing and telling her, “I don’t know… I guess I just needed to know where her headspace was on everything.” He ran a hand through his messy hair and mumbled, “I really messed up with her, didn’t I? She said that this reminded her of when she left and that life was making her anxious before she even decided to go… That was because of me.”

JJ sighed and gave him a quick pat on the back as she replied, “Yeah, there’s no denying that you messed up big time…” She felt Spencer tense before she finished with, “But maybe you can at least ask for forgiveness. Take her to dinner and try to make amends.” Spencer nodded and threw you another glance before turning away and going to work on the geographical profile. 

When you emerged from the interrogation room, the team was either out on their assigned tasks or grabbing lunch, so you decided to get some quiet time with your files in your office while you tried to get some food down. You were pushing salad greens around in your tupperware when your phone began to ring and you picked it up with a, “Hello?”

“My sweet, sweet friend, oh how I missed your voice!” came Penelope’s cheerful voice through the speaker as her way of greeting you. 

“I’m sorry I don’t call Penny, I just… I was afraid of-” You cut yourself off and scoffed before finishing with, “Forget it, it’s dumb. You probably called about the case and I’m getting off track. What can I help you with?”

“No, no, tell me!” Penelope protested. “It is lunchtime there and no one is calling for anything so this has officially turned into a ‘tell Penelope all of your woes’ time!” 

You laughed quietly before asking, “And there’s no getting out of it?” 

“Unless there is literally another death while we’re on the phone then no,” she replied chipperly. 

Letting out a deep sigh, you decided that this wasn’t a battle you were going to win, so you told her, “I never called because I was afraid I would just open up old wounds. The thought of if we were on the phone and Spencer came in…it terrified me.” And suddenly, without even thinking about what you were saying, you blurted out, “And now here we are with him in the breakroom of my precinct drinking coffee that I made sure we had enough sugar for because I have never been able to fall out of love with Spencer Reid!” You covered your mouth to attempt to prevent the words from coming out but it was entirely too late for that. The truth was out there and Penelope had heard every word of it. 

“Oh honey…” she said in a quiet voice. 

You knew she didn’t mean it in a condescending way, but the building tightness in your chest after she said it was making it hard to breathe. You filled your lungs as much as they would allow before whispering, “I-I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, no, no! Don’t feel bad about your feelings!” she protested from her side of the line. 

“I-it’s just…” You took a slightly deeper breath before you began rambling again, telling her, “I’ve tried over and over and over again to find someone out here but it just never works. There was even this one guy back in April that was so sweet! Penelope, he picked me wildflowers while out on his guided hiking tours and arranged them into the most beautiful bouquets! He ordered me edible arrangements and had them sent to my office! He bought me coffee every morning in the diner when I was there picking up breakfast before coming into work! Hell, on our one and only date we had a candlelit picnic and he bought my favorite wine! That shit’s expensive! But I just couldn’t commit to him knowing that someone else still has my heart…and I don’t think there’s a way to get it back.” 

By the end of your rant, your tears were falling once more and you dabbed them away with a tissue or two as Penelope sighed and said, “I wish I could give you a hug right now… I had no idea you were still feeling that way.”

You scoffed quietly before asking, “Why would you? I should hate Spencer for what happened. He fell in love with someone else while still dating me and didn’t even flinch when I broke up with him because he was so torn up about her death. But…” You shook your head and finished quietly, “He’s the love of my life and it hurts so damn bad knowing that I’m not his.”

Before Penelope could offer anything else, there was a knock at your door and you looked up to see it cracking open to reveal Spencer’s handsome face with that awkward-as-ever smile crossing his lips. “Spencer, hey,” you whispered, your breath being knocked out of your lungs at his sudden appearance as you hoped that he didn’t hear anything you just said. 

“I think that’s my queue to go…” Penelope said quietly and in quick succession you heard the tell-tale sound of the call ending. 

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Spencer asked timidly as he opened the door a bit more to fully reveal himself. 

“O-of course,” you replied, hoping that it wasn’t too obvious that you had been crying. “Everything going okay out there? You holding up okay after…everything?” 

“I’m doing fine, yes,” He said with a quick nod. “I got the geographical profile down, but it’s in a weird pattern that I’m still trying to make sense of. All of the locations are in a strange arc sort of line without a centralized location that indicates a familiar area that the unsub is comfortable in. The first three sites were more so out in hiking areas in the woods so I thought it could be an avid hiker, but the latest one was so out in the open that it makes me wonder why the unsub chose that location. He isn’t escalating because there was still time for him to psychologically torment the victims before sending them out to commit the act so I’m trying to determine if maybe this was an outlier or if it’s a part of his endgame to have used that specific spot for that couple…” 

Your heart fluttered in your chest upon hearing him rant on about the profile he had created and you hoped he didn’t notice that your eyes were practically heart-shaped as you listened to his soothing voice ramble on about the case. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight from foot to foot before adding, “But uh…that’s not what I came to talk to you about.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and said quietly, “I was actually coming in here to ask if I could take you to dinner tonight. There’s a lot I feel like needs to be cleared up between us after…everything that happened. I know it may be wrong to ask for your forgiveness after so long but-”

“Yes,” you replied instantly, unable to fight the smile working its way onto your lips at the offer. 

“Y-yes?” he asked with an undeniable sparkle in his eyes as he too gave into his emotions and let his smile light up the room. 

You nodded and were about to say something more when Emily popped her head into the office after giving a short knock on the door, informing you both, “Garcia got us a list of possible suspects, let’s get to work.”

“Yes ma’am,” you and Spencer replied in unison, and you had to fight back the giddy giggle that threatened to bubble out of your mouth at the statement in stereo. 

That evening you took a quick trip to your house to freshen up before meeting Spencer. Even though you knew it wasn’t a date situation, you still took the time to make your hair look nice and put on a dose of perfume that you remembered Spencer liking. When you pulled into the parking lot of the cafe you and Spencer agreed to meet at and stepped out into the chilly November air, you pulled your coat close as you started toward the door. 

Before you could reach out to grab the handle though, another hand reached out and pulled it for you. Expecting to see Spencer holding the door open for you, your heart gave a stutter in your chest as suddenly the reality of the situation hit you. You would likely be discussing what happened back in Virginia, and that would mean talking about Maeve and the reason your relationship ended and that scared you. Sure, you had attempted to process everything yourself, but facing it head on would be an entirely different experience in which you would have to hear what made him fall out of love with you…

Your anxiety spiked for a completely different reason though when you looked up because when you did, your eyes met the very man you turned down because you still weren’t over Spencer. “Hartley, hey. Thanks,” you said quietly as you slipped through the door and into the warm building. 

“Looking for some company?” he asked as he walked in behind you and began attempting to help you take off your coat. 

Before you could respond, the hostess greeted you by name and asked how many were in your party. “There’ll be two, Rose,” you told her with a smile and she began reaching down to grab a couple of menus from behind the counter. While you were telling her this, you pulled away a comfortable distance from Hartley and began taking off your coat and gloves on your own. “I’m meeting someone actually,” you told him simply, tucking the gloves into a pocket and hanging the coat on the rack by the door.  

“Oh, okay,” he said slowly. “Are they late? I can get you an appetizer and drink while you wait,” he offered and you noticed his eyes moving around the restaurant in search of your intended partner. 

As he said this, the small bell above the door chimed and your eyes gravitated that way to see who was entering. Raising a hand in a wave, you greeted Spencer with a smile as he joined you at the hostess counter. He quickly took off his coat and racked it before running a hand through his messy hair and saying, “Sorry I’m a few minutes late, I was wrapping up something with Prentiss at the station!”

“It’s no problem, Spence. Rose was just about to take me to the table,” you assured him as you nodded your head toward the kind woman. 

“Great,” he said as the pair of you began following Rose to the table in the back corner she knew you preferred to dine at. 

“I guess I’ll see you around,” you said quietly to Hartley who was escorted to his usual spot at the bar by another hostess. 

“Who was that?” Spencer asked curiously after the two of you placed your drink orders. 

“Something that I assume will be addressed when we talk,” you admitted, feeling heat begin to crawl up your neck. Spencer nodded stiffly and remained silent in response to the comment, the tension only breaking when Rose came back with the drinks and said she would give Spencer a few minutes with the menu. 

“So what’s good to eat here?” Spencer asked timidly after a few more moments of silence as his eyes quickly scanned the menu. 

You let out a quiet sigh of relief at the fact that he wasn’t diving into the serious talk you needed to have and relaxed a little in your seat as you began raving over the menu items that you preferred and which ones you thought should be avoided. “And we have to get dessert, the pie here is to die for!” you gushed as you pointed out the dessert menu on the back. 

“Let me guess, the coconut cream is your go to?” Spencer asked, a small smile lining his lips. 

“Always,” you affirmed, a smile breaking out on your lips. “Remember that time when I-?” you tried to start, but couldn't even get through half of the sentence before dissolving into a fit of giggles. 

“When you were bringing a pie to the office and you tripped as you were putting it on the counter and tried to play it off as a pie eating contest with Morgan?” Spencer asked with a laugh and a sparkle in his eye at the memory. 

“Yes!” you said, more laughter spilling out of you as you remembered Derek’s reaction. “I still can’t believe he actually went along with it!” 

So that was how the two of you spent the next little while - reminiscing on the better times you two had at the BAU before your abrupt departure. That was, until Spencer’s eyes drifted slightly left over your shoulder as he asked once more, “Who did you say that guy was from earlier? He’s been glaring daggers this way the whole time we’ve been here…”

You sighed and nodded. It was time to face the music. So you took a deep breath and told him, “That’s Hartley. He flirted with me for months before I finally agreed to a date with him, but… Things just didn’t work out between us. Ever since then, he’s tried to get with me again, but I always turn him down.”

“Why’s that?” Spencer asked, his posture straightening the slightest bit at your words which you tried not to overanalyze as you instinctively studied his body language.

“I… It felt disingenuous to be with someone when my heart was still back in Virginia with you…” you admitted quietly as you pushed around some of the food on your plate to distract yourself and to avoid looking into Spencer’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything in response, your heart rate kicked up and you felt your palms start to sweat as you began rambling. “And I know that may sound crazy because it’s been so long but I just never got any sort of closure with you after everything that happened so I never really closed that part of my life away and so those feelings just…never left… I know you fell out of love with me, but it just isn’t that easy on my part…”

You wiped away a stray tear that escaped during your ranting and were about to open your mouth to apologize when Spencer whispered your name in a broken voice as he reached across the table to request your hand to hold. When you tentatively gave it to him, Spencer’s large hand wrapped around yours as he said in a quiet voice, “I know that saying this now doesn’t make up for all these years of silence, but I really am so sorry for what happened.” He cleared his throat and told you, “When you found Maeve for me and I started speaking with her about my headaches I finally felt seen. I thought I loved her because she was able to help me get through something that had been plaguing me for years. I was so excited to finally understand what was happening with me that I didn’t even realize that I had started to put you on the backburner. By the time I did, Maeve was dead and you had left and I didn’t know what to do so I just never reached out…” 

“Oh… I-I’m sorry I-” you started to say after a few moments. 

“No!” he exclaimed a little louder than he probably intended because you could see a tint of red creep onto his cheeks and he slouched into himself to try and make himself smaller. He squeezed your hand before saying in a quieter voice, “Please don’t blame yourself for anything that happened. Looking back I know that you were trying to be there for me, but I got hyper focused on what Maeve was doing for me that I started to prioritize you less and that wasn’t fair to you.” 

You cleared your tightening throat and told him, “Everyone makes mistakes, Spence.”

“But not everyone’s mistakes make them lose the love of their life like mine did,” he told you, a serious tone in his voice as he held your eye contact unwaveringly. “I messed up and I know I don’t deserve it but I would like to try and make amends so I can eventually earn your forgiveness.”

“I think you’re already on your way there, Doctor,” you told him, a shy smile on your lips as your eyes darted toward your intertwined hands. 

“So explain to me again what the ME’s findings tell us?” you asked as you flipped through a file the next evening. 

“The brains of all the victims had densities and lesions in certain portions that have to deal with the capacity to have rational thoughts and feel emotions properly. We think that this happened because they were exposed to emotional and psychological torture for an extended period of time which is how the unsub manipulated them into performing a murder-suicide,” Spencer informed you quickly. 

David ran a hand over his chin before asking, “So then what did the unsub have on all of these people that made them so easy to manipulate into snapping?” 

“Well we know that he said that all women are the same and just use men, so-” you started to say but were interrupted by JJ coming up with her phone on speaker and Penelope’s enthusiastic voice coming through the speakers. 

“All of the women in these couples were wanting an out from their relationship in one way or another!” Penelope informed the group. “There were some cases of cheating or wanting a divorce or breakup or just getting out of an abusive partnership. Poor Natasha was being abused by Hayden and just wanted out…”

There were a few moments of silence before Spencer suggested, “If all of these women were trying to leave their relationships in some way then maybe that was the unsub’s stressor.”

“Maybe he was cheated on or recently divorced then,” Luke offered. 

“Right,” Emily agreed. “Garcia, can you start looking into recently divorced men in the area and cross match that with your list of men whose names start with H?” Emily asked. 

“I am on it!” the blonde replied as you all heard her fingers typing away on her keyboard. After a few moments she said, “There are a handful of recent divorcees in the area. A Harold Fenton, Herschel Brunswick, and Hester Lincoln.”

“Right, so then we start with those men and see if they have anything to do with these cases,” Emily informed the group. “It’s getting late and I doubt anyone is going to be awake at this hour for questioning, so we start in the morning and I’ll assign teams for the interrogations then. Be smart people, it isn’t going to be enough to just get an alibi for the time of the killings. We need to know where he was roughly when the couples were abducted and if he’s got other properties or a room in his house where he could have done the torturing.”

Before there could be any more discussion on the matter, Josh came into the precinct with a shocked looking woman on his arm. JJ and Tara rushed over to retrieve the woman from him and you asked quietly, “What happened?”

“She said she was out for an evening walk when she came across two recently shot bodies. Jessica Stevenson and Hendrix Jordan. Both shot in the head presumably with a pistol that was found beside his body,” Josh replied grimly. “While EMS was looking over her to make sure she wasn’t hurt, I asked around and turns out a neighbor had heard them fighting pretty loudly before she stormed out. He followed pretty soon after, but the neighbor said they didn’t see him with a gun.”

“Did you take any pictures of the scene?” you asked, your mind beginning to run a million miles an hour to try and work a way in front of this lunatic.

“Yeah,” Josh said as he pulled out his phone and pulled up the picture. 

The team gathered around the phone and each studied the photo before David asked, “Is anyone else seeing what I’m seeing?” 

“Yeah, the placement of that gun isn’t consistent with someone who just shot himself,” Luke said, his eyebrows coming together in confusion as he studied the picture. “And I’m sure once we get the ME report, it’ll show that the gun wasn’t flush with his head either.”

“So you’re suggesting that this one was a double murder?” JJ asked. 

“We don’t know for sure, so let’s not get lost in the weeds, people,” Emily told her team. “The unsub is escalating. He didn’t even take time to torture this couple. This may mean that he was triggered recently and felt the need to kill. We need to get to him before he gets to another couple.”

By the next afternoon the unsub had already struck again.

You and Spencer had just gotten back from speaking with Herschel Brunswick at the cafe when you were informed of the killings. Kaitlyn Grant and Harley Dixon, a young couple who the whole town loved, but knew he was drifting away because he was so committed to his job just outside of town and would spend long hours there. 

“Damnit!” you shouted in frustration, your fists clenching as you could feel your blood begin to boil when it started to feel like rage was consuming your entire being. 

You brought your hands to your face in an attempt to cover up the anger but they were coaxed down and held gently by Spencer’s as he mumbled in his soothing voice, “Hey, we’re gonna figure this out.”

Ignoring Spencer’s words, you whispered, “This is my fault…” With the rage taking over once more, you snapped, “This town trusts me and the sheriff to keep them safe, but in the last five months twelve people have died! Twelve!” Your tears began to fall and you practically collapsed into Spencer’s arms as you whispered, “I can’t do anything right…”

Instinctively, Spencer caught you and started running a hand up and down your back to try and comfort you. Forgetting he was in front of the whole team and your officers, Spencer kissed the top of your head before trying to calm you down. When your breathing had finally slowed and your tears subsided enough for you to feel comfortable showing your face again, you untangled yourself from Spencer’s arms and gave him a quiet ‘thank you’ before turning to face the team and your officers who had all migrated toward the other side of the room in order to give you and Spencer space. 

You were about to try and make a speech toward the team to attempt to motivate not just them but yourself too when Tara came up and placed a hand on your forearm, giving you a warm smile. “I think you need a break,” she told you gently. “This case is getting to you and I think you need to clear your mind for a little while.”

“But-” you tried to protest, but were stopped by Spencer. 

“Significant stress has been shown to measurably affect neuronal properties and cognitive functioning of the hippocampus. It’s also been found to impair memory function and the ability to recall information of which could be crucial in a case like this. Did you know that in some theories about the effects of stress on the body, the individual actually loses the ability to function in the presence of excessive stress which leads to exhaustion and potentially death?”

“Okay, not what she needed to hear at this moment, but I agree with Reid that it may be best for you to go home and take a breather for a while. Details in this case are really important and I know that you want to nail this one,” Tara told you and began walking you to your office to grab your things and help you to your vehicle while assuring you that the team had it under control.

Back in the precinct, Emily cleared her throat and announced, “Okay everyone! We know from forensics that the gun was in fact not up against Jordan’s head when he was killed and that it was actually from a distance away so we can confirm that he was killed and did not commit suicide. I bet we’ll get the same result from today’s victims. This unsub is working overtime to get our attention so we need to give it to him.”

Spencer nodded and added, “Brunswick wasn’t our guy because we were with him all morning. What did we find out about the other men Garcia identified as recently divorced?”

“Fenton is clean too, we just got back a few minutes before you two,” Luke informed him.

Tara nodded in agreement. “Lincoln too. He isn’t our guy.”

“So what are we missing?” David asked. 

“I don’t think we’re missing something. Maybe we’re just thinking too narrowly,” Spencer offered as he turned to look at the new report Josh had filed on the new crime scene. 

“Well then let’s widen our thinking. We can’t let this guy kill anyone else,” Emily said finally before assigning groups to tasks. 

After finding out that of course there weren’t any trail cameras in the area of the latest scene, Spencer was once more going over files in search of something he must have somehow missed. “Why don’t you go over the geographical profile again now that we have more victims?” Emily suggested. 

So he did, taking stray pins from the cork board and placing them in the places of the latest two crimes. What was revealed in front of his eyes was the shape of a heart. “Son of a bitch…” he whispered, looking over to Emily with wide eyes. “He’s plotted out where he wants all of these people to die in order to make a heart on a map, so it could stand to be assumed that-”

“His real target lives in the middle of that heart,” Emily finished with a grim look on her face. 

“That’s a large area to cover that doesn’t seem like it’s heavily populated, we’ll need a few teams to fan out and search the area,” Spencer said, grabbing a pair of keys from the rented SUVs they had been using to get around town. 

“Right.” Emily looked around and started giving orders to those who were back at the station, “Luke, go with Spencer in the first SUV. Josh you’re with JJ and David in the second. Tara and I will go with Lindsey in a patrol car. We have a lot of ground to cover so let’s get moving!” 

Spencer calculated the coordinates to the exact center of the heart and began driving that way with Luke in the passenger seat. On the way there, Luke broke the silence of the vehicle by asking with a smirk, “So what was going on with you and the captain earlier?”

“Old habits die hard I guess. We used to date back when she worked at the BAU,” Spencer told him. “There were a lot of cases where she needed some mental help afterward and that’s how we ended up together. She found my facts and statistics comforting because at least there was some form of guarantee to her safety.”

“That’s cute, I didn’t know-” Luke began to say but stopped short when at the same time he and Spencer noticed the vehicle in the driveway of the house they were approaching. “Reid-” Before Luke could finish his sentence though, Spencer had thrown the SUV in park and was getting out with his gun pulled from his holster. “Reid, think rationally here! Just because her house is the one you think may be in the middle doesn’t mean-”

With his gun drawn in one hand and his phone in the other, Spencer dialed Penelope as he and Luke made their way up the winding driveway, keeping to the tree line and in the shadows of the fading sunlight. “How may I be of assistance Doctor? I-” Penelope started chipperly.

“Did she ever talk to you about her relationships since leaving?” Spencer asked quickly. 

“She? Who do you-?” she tried, but was quickly interrupted by Spencer blurting out your name to hurry her along. “Oh! Just one she told me about the other day! She said that back in April this guy tried to get with her but they just went on one date.”

“Hartley…” Spencer muttered under his breath. “Garcia, try to find anything on a man named Hartley in the area, that’s the last man she dated. Call Emily with whatever you find and send her to my location.”

“Got it!” she said before ending the call. 

“Reid, what's going on?” Luke asked urgently. 

“The first couple was abducted back in late April, after she rejected a man named Hartley. He was at the restaurant we went to the night before last and was glaring daggers at me the whole time. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that those two couples were killed so close together after that night…” Spencer told Luke quietly as they approached the house. 

Spencer just about reached for the doorknob of the house before Luke snatched his arm away and sharply whispered, “Don’t! You’re smarter than that! What’s gotten into you man?”

“It took me two days to figure out that she was the target of the unsub when it should have taken me two minutes after dinner that night! If she gets killed then that’s on my shoulders since she rejected him because of me!” Spencer whisper-shouted at him. 

“Then we need to do this right and take him down quickly and quietly. We can’t just go in guns blazing,” Luke said before releasing the grip he had on Spencer’s arm. He listened for a moment and motioned toward the back of the house, telling Spencer, “I hear two voices coming from that direction of the house. Let’s start there.”

When they got to the back of the house, your voice and a male’s voice could be heard from inside having a conversation about dinner and flowers. Luke’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he whispered to Spencer, “It doesn’t sound like she’s in danger…”

Spencer peered around the corner and risked a glance into a window, noticing how your eyes flicked in his direction before taking the conversation into the next room, making sure the man who was with you followed. So Spencer motioned for Luke to follow behind him and he noticed that this room was near a backdoor that the pair of them could use to get into the house if needed. 

That time came when, straining his ears to hear, Spencer heard you say, “Do you like literature? I think my favorite line is from Macbeth. Act one, scene five, lines 64-65.”

And with that, Spencer kicked in the door to the house and pointed his gun toward Hartley as he announced, “FBI, don’t move!” 

Luke came in shortly after Spencer, also with his gun raised as Hartley grabbed you around the waist and held the gun loosely near your head as he let out an almost maniacal laugh. When he took in the two men across the room from him, he shook his head and said, “How fitting that it’s you who came to her rescue? You two really had a connection the other night at the cafe and it made me realize that it was you this whole time! You’re the asshole who made her turn me down! You’re the reason my heart got shattered into a million pieces! It isn’t fair that someone can break a heart so easily! So she doesn’t deserve to live and neither do I because I destroyed all those families lives by killing their sons and daughters, mothers and fathers!”

“You don’t have to do this!” Luke warned the man sternly as he trained his gun on the man’s head. 

Spencer noticed Hartley’s loose grip on your waist and said your name to get your attention. Hartley warned him to shut up, but Spencer ignored him and instead locked his eyes with your terrified ones. A small reminiscent smile made its way onto his lips as he asked softly, “Remember what you told me your favorite movie was when we went on our first date?” You thought for a moment and then nodded almost frantically as Spencer said, “I want you to do the opposite of that for me, okay? Now!” 

And just as he planned, you dropped to your knees, allowing Spencer to get a clean shot on Hartley that took him down in an instant. The second that he went down, Spencer holstered his gun and ran to your side, sitting himself on the ground and against the wall as he pulled you into his chest to comfort you. While he did this, Luke kicked the gun away from Hartley’s hand and checked his pulse before quietly nodding to Spencer. 

“He’s gone, he can’t hurt anyone anymore,” Spencer whispered into your hair before kissing your head and letting you burrow into his embrace as you cried. “Breathe with me sweetheart, I’ve got you,” Spencer mumbled as he tried to calm you down, running a soothing hand up and down your back at the same pace as he wanted you to breathe. 

Minutes passed as Spencer attempted to calm you down and he was mildly successful, enough to get you out of the dining area and onto the back of the ambulance that arrived with the rest of the team. As Spencer hesitantly left your side in order to go locate any anxiety medications you may have in your medicine cabinet, Luke followed him and asked, “Dude, how did you know she was in danger?”

As Spencer pulled out a bottle and read the label, he told Luke, “Act one, scene five, lines 64-65 of Macbeth says ‘Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under't.’ That was her way of saying that what looked like an innocent conversation between partners was actually a dangerous situation.” A huff of a laugh left his lips before he added, “She studied Shakespeare for fun in college and would analyze his work with me when we were together. Don’t try and get into a debate with that woman about Shakespeare, you’ll lose every time.”

“Wow… You two must have been a force when you were both at the BAU,” Luke mumbled, seemingly in awe of how easily the pair of you were able to communicate without giving anything away. 

“Hotch thought that we could somehow read each other’s minds sometimes,” Spencer confirmed with a quiet laugh as he pulled the right bottle from the shelf. 

“So what was the movie?” Luke asked curiously as he followed Spencer through the house once more, weaving through the BAU team members and your officers who were investigating the scene. 

“Up,” he replied. “I told her to do the opposite so she went down.” Luke chuckled in response before being whisked away by Emily to recount his version of what happened while Spencer went back to the ambulance to give you your anxiolytic to help you calm down. 

The next morning came after a sleepless night pacing a motel room that the sheriff had booked for you so your house could be processed and cleaned up after the events of Hartley’s takedown. When you drove up to the station there was a decent sized crowd near the door, presumably to get a sneak peek as to what happened at your house the night before. A light knock on your window made you jump and clutch at your heart as you looked over your left shoulder to see Spencer there with a small smile on his face. 

“Want some company to head inside?” he asked as he offered you a hand to help you out of the vehicle. 

“Stay close?” you asked quietly, afraid that perhaps the people in that crowd had already figured out that you were in fact the target of Hartley’s killing spree and were there because they wanted you gone… 

“Of course,” Spencer replied as he hooked your arm in his and the two of you made your way through the crowd and to the front door, ignoring all of the questions being thrown your way. 

When you got inside, you almost breathed a sigh of relief before you were approached by Tara and Emily who told you once more that they would need you in the interrogation room, but this time for an actual questioning. At the request your body stiffened as you realized that you would have to relive the situation again and without missing a beat, Spencer said, “As long as I can be in there with her.”

“Spence, you know that-” Emily started but was interrupted by Tara. 

“Let him,” she told Emily with a shake of her head. “As long as Reid doesn’t say anything to her it won’t matter if he’s in there or not, but if she needs his presence for comfort we at least should allow that.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, your muscles relaxing the slightest bit as you and Spencer began following the pair to the interrogation room. 

Once inside the cold space, you pulled your cardigan close and made sure that Spencer’s hand was held in yours before you nodded to signal that you were okay to begin. “So can you tell me what happened yesterday from your point of view?” Emily asked. 

“I left the station to clear my head after being informed that another couple had been found dead. I grabbed a few groceries and headed to my home where inside I found Hartley Rivers standing in the kitchen of my previously locked house,” you told her quietly, your voice wobbly as you spoke. 

“Did he do or say anything when you got there?” Tara asked. 

“He was…oddly calm at first. Asked what I got from the store and said that I should make the two of us a meal. Said that it was the least I could do for him after all the work he’d been doing lately,” you replied. 

“Did he elaborate on that statement?” Emily asked. 

“Not at first,” you said, “but I got him talking and he confessed to staging all of the murder-suicides in the last few months. He…he said…he said…” you trailed off as your breathing began to pick up and your leg began to bounce anxiously. 

“Take your time,” Tara said. 

“He said it was my fault…” you whispered. “He said that if I just didn’t reject him then all of those people would be alive…” The grip Spencer had on your hand tightened the slightest bit and it brought your turbulent thoughts to that feeling alone and you used it to ground yourself back to reality before clearing your throat and adding, “He told me that I was the loss of his life and that I didn’t deserve to live for what I did and neither did he. But he thought that if he got my attention in a way that wasn’t romantic gestures it would get the point across better…”

“So you're saying that he confessed to orchestrating the killings?” Emily asked. 

You nodded. “Yes. He didn’t tell me where, but…”

“Then what happened?” Tara asked gently when you didn't elaborate more. 

“I…I saw Spencer sneaking around outside so I brought the conversation to a room near an outside door and informed him that I was in danger by referencing a line from Macbeth,” you said, which earned a small smile from Emily. “When Luke and Spencer got in, Hartley grabbed me and held me at gunpoint. From there things get fuzzy because I was so scared. All I remember is Spencer asking me something so I took a knee and heard a gunshot and Hartley let go of me. I thought I got shot until I felt Spencer pull me into his lap and then my anxiety got the better of me…”

“Thank you, you did well,” Tara informed you, standing up and coming around the table to give you a squeeze on the shoulder. 

“We’ll get all of that into the right hands and then we’ll have to be on our way soon,” Emily said hesitantly as she made her way to the door. 

“I’d like to stay behind for another day or two. I’ll use vacation days,” Spencer told her immediately. “I can book myself a flight back to Virginia and do my paperwork on the way.” Emily opened her mouth for a moment and then closed it, simply nodding in response before making her way out of the room with Tara behind her. 

“You didn’t have to do that, Spence…” you whispered. 

“No, but I wanted to. I need to make sure you’re okay at least through the hardest part of this,” he informed you as he helped you stand up on your unsteady legs to leave the room. 

“Thank you,” you told him graciously, turning into him and throwing your arms around his frame in a tight embrace. 

“Of course,” he told you, the smile evident in his voice. 

After a few moments, you took a deep breath and said, “I need to make an announcement, would you mind staying with me for it?”

“I don’t mind,” he replied, following you out into the main office area where the BAU team and your officers were milling around filing away papers. 

You cleared your throat and said just loud enough to be heard over the noise, “I have an announcement I’d like to make.” When all eyes were on you, you took a deep breath and said, “I would like to thank everyone for their work on this case, both my locals and the BAU team. You all worked long and hard hours to close this case and I am very appreciative of that. Unfortunately before we could solve it, twelve people died in this town at the hands of Hartley Rivers under my watch. So with that being said I’m announcing that I will be stepping down from my position as Captain of the police division here. I made a promise to serve and protect the people of this town and after the events of this case I feel like I failed at that because I couldn’t solve it sooner and because I was the reason Hartley felt the need to do what he did. It’s been an honor to serve this town while I did, but it wouldn’t be right to continue on from here. Thank you.”

There was a stunned silence that filled the room and you quickly ducked your head and started toward your office after making eye contact with the sheriff who gave you a nod and a sad smile in response. When you got there, you grabbed a box and began slowly placing your belongings inside when you heard footsteps enter the room. “So you’re really going?” Josh asked quietly, his sadness evident in his voice. 

You nodded, which earned a sigh from Lindsey and her saying, “Man this sucks…”

“I know but… I feel like I failed this town. And once word gets out about what happened, I would be driven out of the position and the town anyway and I’d rather end it on my terms.”

The two agreed and began helping you pack up your belongings while reminiscing on some of the better days in this office. Once you seemed to run out of things to talk about, Josh asked with a smirk evident in his voice, “So…you and agent Reid huh?”

“Doctor Reid,” you informed him sternly with a quiet laugh escaping your lips. “He didn’t earn three PhDs for nothing.”

“So you’re into the smart ones,” Lindsey said teasingly as she landed an elbow into your ribs lightly. 

“I suppose so,” you said as you looked up and saw Spencer himself in the doorway. The four of you made quick work of packing up your office and before you knew it, you were being escorted out to your vehicle with Spencer’s protective arm around you as you made your way through the crowd of people who still thankfully didn’t know the truth behind everything yet. 

When you and Spencer got to your house, he helped you unload the boxes of your office items and then sat beside you on the couch after you put on a quiet instrumental record to keep there from being a deafening silence in the room. You couldn’t help your mind from wandering back to the events of not only yesterday, but of the last five months. As you did, a roaring filled your ears that was interrupted by Spencer’s voice as he asked, “Hey, what’s on your mind?”

“Too much,” you replied quietly. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really, but…” You sighed and in defeat relented, saying, “I guess it’s best if I do.”

“It is. And I’m right here with you,” he told you as he tentatively scooched closer on the couch and put his arm around you. Your muscles relaxed as he did this and the flood gates opened once more as you burrowed into Spencer’s side.

“I just feel like such a screw up… Twelve people with lives and families and dreams for the future are all dead because of me…” you whispered, trying to muffle the sob that escaped at the end of your statement. 

Spencer ran his hand up and down your arm for a moment before quietly asking, “If it were anyone else in your position what would you tell them?”

“What?” you asked after a few seconds, pulling away for a moment to look up at Spencer with furrowed eyebrows. 

“As the victim advocate specialist that you are, what would you say to someone else in your position?” Spencer asked and you began to see his point. “Say it was Lindsey in the center of this instead of you? You wouldn’t tell her that those people died because of her would you?”

“No…” you whispered, sagging back into his embrace with a sigh. You were quiet for a moment before replying thoughtfully, “I would tell them that they can’t control other people’s actions and feelings. That they couldn’t have known that something so simple as rejecting someone could cause such disaster. That they shouldn’t have to live in fear of this happening again so they’ll go out and live their life and not seclude themselves. That even though in the heat of the moment if the families of the victims find out the reason behind the crime that it still isn’t their fault no matter what nasty things are said to them. I would remind them that they’re a victim in this too and they deserve treatment and counseling services just like the other victims’ families…”

Spencer leaned down and kissed the crown of your head before mumbling, “Exactly. So what is making you feel like you don’t deserve to hear those things too?”

“Because I was supposed to protect all of those people and I couldn’t do my job. They shouldn’t have died in the first place. Pair that with the fact that Hartley was doing this because of me and…it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be handled gently after everything that happened,” you told him sadly. 

“I think that just proves that you should be given more grace than anyone in this situation,” Spencer says. 

“I just don’t feel like I’m deserving to be cared for after everything…” 

“Well I guess I’m just going to have to prove your anxiety wrong,” Spencer said and you could hear the smile in his voice as he pulled you impossibly closer in what seemed like an attempt to bring all of your broken pieces back together. 

Later that day after finally getting through all of your emotions about your now totally uprooted life and watching your comfort movie with Spencer, you started to feel a bit lighter. So as you made dinner for the two of you, you sang quietly to the music coming from your record player as Spencer helped where he could with the meal. While you were standing at the stovetop stirring the food, he came up behind you and gently wrapped his arms around your waist and swayed to the music playing. “I missed this…” he admitted quietly, his voice and body relaxed. 

“Me too,” you replied, a small smile on your face and tears prickling the backs of your eyes. 

You were afraid to ask Spencer what happened next after he left back to Virginia and you went…where? You still hadn’t decided what you wanted to do for work after you just resigned and where would that land you in the country? You weren’t sure how well- “Hey,” he said, squeezing you slightly to bring you back to reality. “You’re getting lost again.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” you replied, going back to stirring the nearly complete stir fry. “I just have a lot on my mind still is all…”

“Like what?” he asked, stopping his swaying to focus on your conversation. 

“What do I do for work now? There’s no way I’ll get a job in any of the surrounding counties and I’m afraid of even getting into that position again because that is so much responsibility I don’t feel ready to handle again after what happened here…”

“Have you thought about coming back to the FBI?” Spencer asked. “I know that the BAU was a cause for a lot of stress on you, so maybe you could see if there are any victim advocate positions available in other departments? Or maybe go back to your SVU department?”

“I have enough in the bank to take a month or so off from work to sort things out mentally but… I think once I figure myself out again, being an advocate again would be rewarding and now that I have a unique perspective on things…” Maybe it was time to move back to Virginia…

“I think you would do great,” Spencer replied, releasing you from his arms before reaching for the plates you had been warming to place the food on. You still had a faraway look in your eyes, even you could tell, so you weren’t surprised when he asked, “What else is on your mind?”

You didn’t reply as you plated the food and made your way to the table, trying to figure out the best way to discuss the topic at hand. You couldn’t figure out a graceful way to ask, so you let out a heavy sigh as you gestured between yourself and Spencer and asked quietly, “Spence… What is this? What is going on between us right now? The hugs, the kisses, the comforting touches. Is it just because of the case? Is it because you feel bad for me?” Guilt at the last bit began to crawl its way up your spine and you felt your throat closing up slightly as you said, barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry I’m just scared right now…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured you, reaching over and grabbing your hand gently and rubbing comforting circles onto it with his thumb. Clearing his throat, Spencer admitted, “At first it was habitual. It felt like an instinct to comfort you because that’s what I did all those years, but…but then I realized that I didn’t just want to provide you with physical comfort. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to hold you until all of your fears and doubts went away. I just…I want you back.” At those last words, your eyes darted up to meet Spencer’s hopeful ones. A smile fell onto his face as he finished, “Please. I want you back in my life and if that can’t be as your boyfriend right now I understand that, but I just want to be in your life somehow. It took me a while to realize that I never stopped loving you and it took me seeing you to realize that if I want you back I need to fight for it and prove to you that taking me back won’t be a mistake.”

“Taking you back would never be a mistake,” you mumbled, a smile making its way onto your face as you scooted closer to Spencer on the dining table’s bench. 

“I’m glad to hear that,” Spencer whispered as his hand ghosted its way up your arm, landing on your cheek to hold you for a moment before asking, “May I kiss you?”

“Of course,” you replied with a slight nod before your lips were enveloped into the most tender kiss Spencer had ever given you. A feeling of warmth ran up your spine as you relaxed into the kiss, your hands wandering up to hook around the back of Spencer’s neck to pull him closer. 

All too soon, the kiss was over and Spencer pulled away to rest his forehead on yours before telling you, “I love you. And I never want to lose you again.”

“You won’t,” you promised before leaning back in for another kiss, the stir fry going forgotten on the table as you lost yourself in Spencer’s love and affection. 

thank you for getting this far, I appreciate you for reading! Don't forget to like and comment! <3

[samgirl98]

Mending a Family 24/?

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I'm not too proud of this chapter. It feels a bit disjointed, but I needed certain things to happen to progress the story a bit. Sorry if it's not my usual standard of writing. Let me know what you think

Dick was with his siblings. They were playing with Mar’i. Soon, she would start school, and he was terrified of letting her go alone.

She was his baby; she was too young.

Tim came up to him, holding a cup of coffee. Dick frowned at his younger brother. Tim had the audacity to smirk and take a sip. His bags were prominent. The brothers stood next to each other in silence for a while. Dick watched as his little girl floated in the air and her aunts and uncles chased her.

“I found some footage of Jason close to the Canadian border.”

Dick straightened. He knew his younger brother was alive thanks to the present he had sent Alfred.

“He had a kid with him.”

Dick turned toward Tim, surprised.

“What,” he asked.

“Yeah, the kid was four or five, maybe six, but I doubt it. Barbara and I found the footage a while ago, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I haven’t found any more traces of them, but I think Jason crossed the border.”

Dick turned to Mar’i. Did she have a cousin?

Why was he feeling betrayed when he had kept Mar’i away from Jason?

“Give me a moment,” Dick said, walking away from Tim. He took out a phone and called Roy. He was surprised the man had picked up.

“What do you want, Grayson?”

“Does Jason have a kid,” he asked without preamble. He wanted to catch the other man off guard. A surprised person was most likely to tell the truth.

“I have no idea what you mean, Grayson.”

“Listen, if Jason has a kid with him, we deserve to know.”

“You don’t deserve to know shit about Jason. You guys abandoned him. How about you leave the man alone, and you and your whole family get therapy? I hear Dinah has some openings.”

Roy hung up, and Dick still hadn’t gotten his answer. How was Bruce going to take this? Should they even tell him without more evidence? What if Jason had a kid and left because he didn’t want the family around his child?

Mar’i’s laughter seemed to haunt him.

____

Danny pouted as Jason took pictures of him. He looked so cute with his little backbag.

“Daddy, are you done yet,” Danny whined.

“Almost, kiddo, just one more picture, please?”

It wasn’t fair for daddies to have puppy eyes.

It was Danny’s first day at school, and his dad was going overboard with the first-day pictures. Jazz couldn’t help but smile.

“We’re gonna be late,” Danny said. He didn’t care about being on time but wanted the torture to stop.

His dad had enrolled him in a school for gifted children. He would be taught in French and English. Danny knew he would hate it. Well, he would only have to deal with it for one semester, and then he could bow out of preschool.

Daddy drove him to school.

He suddenly felt nervous when he saw the building and all the kids entering.

“It’ll be fine, chum,” Jason told his son. He felt his little boy’s anxiety. “Do you want me to walk you to your classroom?”

Danny nodded. He took his daddy’s hand, and they walked into the building. Jason introduced himself to the teacher. She seemed nice.

“Okay, kiddo, you’re gonna be brave, right?”

Danny nodded. He had never been away from his dad. What if something bad happened?

“It’ll be fine, darling boy.”

His dad hugged him, “Now, go and have fun.”

Danny let go of his dad. He looked back one last time before entering the classroom. It was colorful. The five-year-old in him liked all the colors and toys. The sixteen-year-old in him cringed away from the noise. It was tough being two ages at once.

Danny sat by a girl with glasses and blonde hair.

“Bonjour, je m’appelle Sarah. Comment t’appelles-tu?”

“Sorry, I don’t speak French,” Danny said.

“Hi, I’m Sarah. What’s your name?”

“Danny,” he said. The girl smiled at him, showing that she had missing teeth. Oh, Ancients, were his teeth going to start falling out soon?

“Nice to meet you, Danny.”

Danny took a deep breath. If he would be here for the next few months, he might as well make a friend so he wouldn’t be lonely.

Danny smiled at the girl, “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, class, let’s get to know each other,” the teacher suddenly said.

Danny sighed; it was going to be a long day.

____

Jason sighed.

It was going to be a long day. He didn’t know how dependent he had gotten on taking care of Danny.

Now that his little boy was gone, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He went back home and spent the day with Ellie.

He kept the phone close in case the school called.

He never imagined how long the day would be without Danny around. Is this what every parent had to deal with when their child went to school?

He knew school was good for Danny. It would help entertain him, and it would be easier to make friends. But, God, he was missing his little boy!

Ellie giggled at him as she threw her baby food on his face.

“Now, Ellie, we don’t waste food.”

The little girl gave a toothy grin. Jason couldn’t help but smile back.

“Maybe you should go out on a walk,” Jazz came and said suddenly.

“What, why?” He got another spoonful of baby food, and Ellie gladly bit into it. Her little teeth left marks on the spoon.

“You need to learn to deal with Danny being away. Maybe find a hobby to do. You’re not going to feel better staying indoors.”

“I’m fine,” Jason said. Ellie had finished her food.

Jazz rolled her eyes and took Ellie with her. Great, now what should he do?

He went outside and sat on the porch. Suddenly, the phone rang.

Jason picked it up before the second ring sounded.

“Hello,” he said, feeling scared. What if something had happened to Danny?

“Hey, Jay, it’s me.”

Jason felt himself relax at Roy’s voice.

“Hey, Roy, how you been?”

“Good, good,” Roy’s voice trailed off.

“Is something wrong? Is Lian okay?”

“Yeah, Lian is good. How are the kids?”

“Great, Danny started his first day of school today.”

“Oh, ouch, I remember Lian’s first day in preschool. It was tough.”

“I have a feeling you called for something,” Jason said after a moment of silence.

“Dick called me earlier,” Jason tensed again, “He asked me if you had a kid. I didn’t tell him anything.”

Jason sucked in a breath. Dick knew, which meant that Bruce would know soon. Would he have to move again? He didn’t want to lose his son!

Jazz came out with Ellie in her arms, frowning, “What’s wrong?”

“Do they know where I’m at?”

“From what I can tell, no. Look, I don’t think you should worry, but I had to tell you they knew about Danny.”

“Yeah, thanks, Roy. You’re a real one.”

“Take care, Jay. I’ll keep my ears to the ground.”

“What’s wrong,” Jazz asked. She sat by Jason; even Ellie looked concerned.

“My old family knows about Danny. What if they come and take him away from me?”

Jazz put her hand on Jason’s, “Hey, look at me. Neither Danny nor I will allow anyone to break up this little family. Besides, Raven has shielded us with spells; they won’t find us. And if they do, we’ll kick their butts.”

“Thanks, Jazz.”

They sat in silence, each contemplating the future.

@itsberrydreemurstuff @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @skulld3mort-1fan @theauthorandtheartist @emergentpanda-blog @jaggedheart11 @fisticuffsatapplebees @booberrylizard @fantasticbluebirdfan @thegatorsgooseoose @cyrwrites @kjoboo91 @crystallicedart @amaramizuki666 @spekulatiusmuffin @meira-3919 @kilasmess @bubblemixer @lexdamo @wonderland-daisy @mj-arts-n-stuff @amyheart19 @dolfay @the-church-grimm @undead-essence @aph-mable @lizisipancardo @purrloin77 @writer-extraodinaire @charlietheepic7 @sinfulloccultist @nootherusernameworked @coruscateselene @chaoticchange @itsberrydreemurstuff @gmkelz11 @feral-bunny31 @paroovian @thatonegaybitch68 @d4ydr34min9 @overtherose @fandomwandererer @vipower001 @thordottir45 @blackrabbitt3t @rosecinnamonbun @bianca-hooks123 @epilepticnerd @dat1angel @consouling @flamingenchiladadragon @all-mights-asscheeks @ender-reader @fuyu-bitch @ravenswife

[xanadontit]

Hey @tap-shoes I got you!

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I have two kids, ages 14 months and 2 years old. Ever since the second was born, I’ve been kind of uncomfortable with the fact that my husband is NEVER alone with both of them, outside of me going to the bathroom or taking a shower.

Anytime I have somewhere to be, he has at least one of his parents come over or he goes to their house or his sister’s house (they all live locally) with the kids. I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I don’t want to try to control the time he spends with the kids, and when I mentioned it to my close friend she said I should take it as a gift because I find his family a bit overbearing, so he gets the time with his family, his family gets the time with the kids, and I don’t need to spend extra time with them. But it has made me wonder if he is comfortable with our kids on his own, which any parent should be.

Very early this morning I received a call that my mother was being taken to the hospital in serious condition. I am her medical proxy and live about an hour and a half away. I immediately got up to get dressed and told my husband I needed to go and would make sure I was back in time to pick up the kids from daycare at the end of the day as I always do (he drops them off). He got panicky and asked me to give him a minute to call his mother because he needed her to come over in case the kids woke up and to help with the morning routine. I told him that was ridiculous; I can understand wanting a hand with the morning routine, but she didn’t need to come over at 2:30 a.m. to sit on alert while the kids slept, especially since they both sleep through the night on their own 95 percent of the time. He said he wasn’t comfortable being there alone with them and he needed me to wait to leave until one of his parents got there. I said no, I had an emergency to deal with and I would be going, he could handle two sleeping kids and should just go back to bed himself until his alarm, and I left. Twenty minutes later I saw a notification on our security cameras that his mother had arrived at the house.

It’s a few hours later and I’m sitting in the waiting room waiting for an update on my mother’s surgery and for my siblings to arrive and I just don’t even know what to think. I’ve tried texting and calling and he didn’t answer. I just don’t understand how you can be uncomfortable taking care of your own children and think just constantly having someone else around is an acceptable solution. He only ever seems to have regular new-ish parent worries, not over-the-top anxiety. What’s the best way to address this when I get home? I know he will be mad I left, but I’m mad he put me in a situation where I had to choose to leave. Shouldn’t you be able to take care of your own children? Did I miss something I should have seen?

—Can’t Leave Him Alone

Dear Alone,

First off, I really hope your mom is OK. That isn’t a call anyone wants to receive, especially in the middle of the night.

Presumably, you’ve come home since writing this letter; I wish we had a Reddit-style update I could pull up, but I’ll have to consign myself to the land of make-believe instead. If you and I were dealing with this in real-time, I would tell you to find a time later this afternoon or evening when you are both calmer and ask him why he feels he can’t be alone with the kids. But you can still have this conversation even though that moment has passed. Try to truly listen to his reasons and see if you can uncover whether this is real anxiety/fear or whether it’s a version of weaponized incompetence (which doesn’t have to be intentional to exist). Explain that while you don’t mind extended family helping out in general, it concerns you that you can’t count on him in an emergency.

If he’s reticent to see the problem, ask him what his plan is when his mom is gone, but you need to be out of town. What if you are the one who gets hurt, or worse? He needs to be able to step up and assume the full duties of parenthood, and not only in an emergency! You should be able to run an errand, get a manicure, or see a friend without making childcare arrangements. If he truly cannot step up because of deep-rooted anxiety, then he needs to be looking at therapy of some kind. I do not mean to be unkind, but this is the behavior of a mother’s helper, not a parent.

—Allison

[cultofdixon]

Fight for Yourself, Fight for Me

Daryl Dixon [PLATONIC] • They/Them Pronouns • You were always going to be your father’s little archer…even when all the responsibility for several lives rest on your shoulders • ANGST/SFW • TW: Anxiety Attacks / Nightmares / PTSD / Scars / Canon Violence / Illness / Injuries / SH Scars / Depression

Requested by: Anon

“Look at that” Lori smiles pointing out to Daryl the way Carl was trailing his kid around the campsite. “What yea think they’re talking about?”

“Anythin’ but the hell going on”

Y/N has always been like that. Talk about anything else BUT what was happening around them. To give people a sense of normalcy back but also for the kids.

“Wait so Batman has like. No superpowers at all? Just that his parents died and now he seeks revenge?”

“I wouldn’t really call it revenge. He never uses a gun. Never kills. Uses his gadgets to catch the bad guy and like. Shakes them down until they spoke” Y/N continues as they loaded up their hunting rifle which on cue made Daryl whistle for them. “Should find you some comics. Doubt it’ll be batman but hopefully something interesting”

Carl was about to ask them more when they started to head toward Daryl and Lori causing him to sprint over.

“Where are you going?”

“Y/N is going hunting with their dad. They’ll be back in a few days”

“Can I go?”

“No Carl. You need to stay here. Where it’s safe”

“But they get to go! They’re a kid—-“

“They are eighteen.” Daryl hands them back their pack as Carl continued to glare slightly. “They are my kid. But an adult to yea”

Y/N couldn’t help but notice the kid’s eagerness to go with them resulting in Daryl growing impatient.

“Y/N we gotta—-“

“I’ll meet yea by the tents, old man” Y/N states hearing him grumble as he left. “Carl you can’t come. Cuz you’ve got an important job here”

“What is it?”

“Hold down the fort. Dad and I are gonna get food, and the Atlanta group is out. Leaving only a few to keep an eye on everybody. Can I trust yea to keep the house afloat?”

Carl nods smiling as Y/N ruffles up his hair smiling themselves.

“Good. Be back in a few days, buddy”

It’s been two so far since they left to track down the deer Daryl had spotted tracks for a bit ago. Y/N followed shortly behind their father staring at their feet for the most part since it’s been a bit with no signs of the deer. They suddenly ran into Daryl when he stood still for a moment catching them off guard.

“I’m not playing statue in the middle of the woods, dad…”

“Did yea want a sibling?”

“That’s random” Y/N scoffs, stepping ahead of him to ready their aim and take the shot on the squirrel. “But no. I like being an only child…would’ve wanted more time with mom though”

“Mm. Me too, kid” Daryl watches their surrounding so they could pick up their catch. “You’re close with that Grimes kid”

“I wouldn’t really say talking about superheroes makes us close”

“You used to only talk to me about superheroes”

“Are you jealous of a child?” Y/N laughs a bit, even more when their dad groaned to the question.

“Nah. Just.” Daryl shrugs kneeling to check the faint tracks to see how long it’s been. “Little shit looks up to yea is all. Don’t want that going to your head”

“I don’t think it will…?”

“Listen. I don’t mean like what the cop is having. The savior complex shit. I’m talking the toll that raising kids can have on somebody” He admits as he picks himself up continuing to follow the tracks with his kid shortly behind him. “You care a lot. You’ve always have been that way…even for people who don’t deserve it. Like Uncle Merle. But I don’t want yea to forget about yourself. How you’re feeling will always matter, kid. I don’t want something terrible happening to make you forget that”

Y/N didn’t know what to reply to that with, but Daryl knew that they understood the best that they can.

Even when he watched their kid grow protective of the youngest Grimes. Then the youngest Greene.

He doesn’t want to lose them, or want them to lose themselves…

“Let’s go hunt” Daryl gestures with his eyes to outside the house the group was currently staying in after the barn burned. “We’ll be back soon”

“Can I come?” Carl tugs at Y/N’s jacket as they quickly shot it down with a new reason of having to keep an eye on his mother for her and the baby’s safety. They managed to get him to listen by giving him tasks that keep him there.

As they were heading out, Rick stopped Daryl talking to him about scavenging places as well as finding whatever meat they can get their hands on. He even tried to join them but Daryl drew his line clearly. He wanted to be alone with his kid, without any more drastic changes.

“I think Andrea could still be alive”

“Maybe” Y/N kicks a door open to one of the abandoned houses in their neighborhood. “She did almost kill you so, I’d let her back in but not with open arms”

“I’m still standing aren’t I?”

“She also gave a knife to Beth when she was thinking of killing herself.” They instantly went toward the kitchen to find any canned foods. “Might have to knock some sense into that son of a bitch before letting her back in. Hell. Not even my decision…everybody following Rick…”

“You’re allowed to share your thoughts, Y/N”

Y/N’s body tensed hearing such as they felt like anything they would say to Rick wouldn’t get anywhere. He and Daryl are one and the same when it comes to protecting their blood…but Rick making all the decisions made it hard to think for oneself.

“Rick won’t listen. He’s just protecting his kid”

“You’re protecting his kid and wife more than he is. You have them your blanket, your extra rations,…hell, saved that kid from walkers more than he did.” Daryl frowns watching Y/N take all the cans they can carry. “I’m looking out for yea, Y/N. I don’t want to lose my kid to somebody else’s short comings…”

“You’re not gonna lose me…I just wish things were different”

I just wish things were different

Y/N frowns watching Maggie stumble out of the prison in tears with a small baby in her embrace. They noticed Carl’s frozen state when he stepped out and how Rick fell apart upon hearing the news of his wife dying. They slowly approached the kid as he looks up at them with a blank expression that suddenly turned to silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

“C’mere kid” Y/N brought Carl into their embrace comforting him the best that they could. All he wanted was to cry for a moment in the comforts of someone who he knows he’ll be safe with.

Their dad’s declare about “not losing another” made everyone act on such. Daryl left with Maggie to get formula for the baby, Hershel checked her out with the help of Beth, the rest of the group took care of investigating the rest of the prison. Leaving Y/N to take care of Carl while Rick was indisposed.

“What was it like for you…”

“What?”

“When your mom died…”

Losing a parent tends to always feel like it just happened yesterday. Even if Y/N was ten when they lost her.

But for context.

Y/N wasn’t a mistake. Or planned really. Daryl hit it off with their mom who was a total stranger he met and asked out one day. First date hit it off to where the slim chance of getting pregnant did indeed happen. He was scared, of course. Didn’t want to be like his father. Didn’t want to be in the bullshit he’s in with Merle with a baby around. But she was ever so kind and patient that the 9 months they had gotten to know one another.

Then life slowly became all about Y/N and both of them were happy on such. Even Merle cleaned up most of his act to be able to spend time with the little one.

Their life was perfect in its own special way. Didn’t need much of anything besides their family.

Missing field trips meant spending time with Daryl at the garage he worked at

Weekends were always a new adventure to anywhere

Bad days were always met with cuddles from their mother

Bullies never bothered to mess with them when Uncle Merle was the one to pick up the kid

The list could go on…and last about ten years. One day Y/N was sat at the couch by both of their parents having a talk about what it means when someone gets really sick. Again, they were ten. Old enough to understand what being sick means, but still young enough to not believe that their mother was sick and one day wasn’t going to come home.

It was sudden. She just. Never came home. The only thing that came home were her belongings and a broken Daryl.

I can never forget the look in my dad’s eyes when he tried so hard to tell me without breaking Y/N frowns looking at Carl with their own pain resurfacing to that question. “One day she was here. The next…she was gone. It’s been years but I’ll always be sad about it. Your mom meant the world to you…the pain will be awful at first, but as life goes on, you’ll always remember the good things you had with your mom. That’s all that matters”

To be frank. Y/N never wanted to become a parent, and in the apocalypse that confirmed matters. They didn’t want to raise a child in a world that they could die at any given moment compared to the old world. Hell. They were still a kid in Daryl’s eyes, always…so when Lori died, this switch in them flipped and all that mattered…was making sure her kids were safe. Taken care of. Loved.

“Y/N coming back today?”

Daryl nods looking up at Carol and her offering of food she has just prepared. He’s been waiting at their spot all morning and was relieved none of the spawn came around to take their attention away. But he thought too soon on the matter when Carl came running over.

“They back yet?”

“Nope. Just waiting” Carol smiles noticing Daryl tense expression. “Hey, how about we go find that favorite blanket of theirs and get it to their watchtower?”

“But I—-“

“Come on. You know they’ll appreciate it more coming from you” Carol smiles directing Carl out of there which relaxed Daryl enough to have a good mood when seeing Y/N’s bike approach the gate and the Woodbury folks took care of opening it to let them in.

As Daryl got up from his spot, Y/N rolls up next to his bike putting the kickstand down before getting off and hugging their dad when he draws close.

“Run into Michonne?”

“Yeah, brought back some of the shit she found along with my findings” Y/N smiles setting their pack down on the bench he was sitting on previously to show him what they’ve got.

“You’re really spoiling them kids” Daryl laughs a bit finding things like books, comics for Carl, formula and baby blankets for Judith, a few clothes for Beth…at least they got canned foods amongst other things that benefit others. “Did yea find what yea needed?”

“No, but it’s cool” Y/N picked up their pack once more to carry it all inside. “There’s also arrows on the back of the bike” and with that last note they went to put everything away and give such to whoever they went out in the run for.

Soon Y/N found themselves on the top bunk of their place trying to rest as Beth laid on the bottom one reading one of her books keeping company.

“How’s Uhm. What’s his face?”

“Zach? We aren’t anythin’” Beth says in a hush whisper in mind of the baby sleeping in its makeshift cradle that was a laundry basket. “I don’t think he notices me”

“I wouldn’t wait for him to make a move. You really like the guy? Just be honest. Honesty doesn’t hurt” Y/N states as Beth rises from her place in the bunk closing the book a bit too loudly making the resident on the top bunk tense.

“Yknow what! Imma do it”

As Beth leaves, Judith started to sob from her spot making the exhausted Y/N rise from their bunk jumping down to the floor before picking up the little baby. They picked up the little baby sitting on the floor leaning against the bunk beds gently rocking the littlest Grimes.

Daryl went to check on them after giving them some time after returning. He stops at the gates finding Judith asleep on their chest as they were also fast asleep with their head back on the bed.

“Someone’s gotta take care of yea” He whispers taking the little baby from them returning the sleeping baby into the basket before carefully picking up his baby and laying them down in the bunk.

It’s been this way for months. Y/N taking trips out and returning with things everybody else needs or ask of them to get. But ultimately forgetting themselves in the mix. And especially the way they are protective over “their” kids that when the illness came through…Rick had carried their passed-out sick form to the cellblock.

When Daryl came back he heard about Y/N and haven’t left their side while they rested. He kept everyone out of their quarantine cell. Wouldn’t let anyone see them because they put everyone else above themselves and granted he should’ve done something sooner about it…but others hardly noticed their struggling.

“Yea ain’t allowed to die. Fuckin’ won’t have it. Told yea that when yer mom died.” Daryl frowns squeezing their hand hearing his heart pound in his ears making him stress even more. “Lost her, lost Merle, you ain’t following them”

It was weird that Y/N wasn’t waking up instantly like the others when the medicine has been in their system for a while. But they were exhausted.

Even when the prison fell around them.

No dad. No kids. No anybody. Y/N woke up to nothing but injuries of the fallen debris. Nothing too concerning but enough to frustrate their tired form as they crawled out of the rubble and to the surface of their collapsed cell block finding dead people and walkers.

Dad…

Carl…

Beth…

Judith…

It kept repeating in their head when they managed to get out of the infested area with the little belongings they scavenged.

Y/N felt like they were walking for days with no end. They saw the signs for Terminus and thought about heading that direction but if shit went south they had virtually nothing to protect themselves or anyone who joined along the way. They eventually found themselves in an abandoned house curled up in a corner listening to the sounds of nature and the rapid beating of their heart.

What if I don’t find anyone

Did I just lose my remaining family to an attack

They could be dead

Where’s Carl

Hopefully the kids are safe

They could be dead

Hershel’s remains were in the field…where’s Maggie and Beth

Who the hell got Judith

Where is my dad?

They could be dead

They could be dead

They could be dead

The panic settles in and before the scream ripped out of their chest out of frustration, exhaustion, depression…footsteps drew close. Several. But it wasn’t any of their group.

•

“These are good people…” Daryl frowns watching Joe keep his grip on Rick as he scoffs toward the archer.

“See…now that’s a lie”

Right before the other Claimer was about to grab Daryl, his body dropped to the floor. Confusing everyone in that heated situation. But given the open window Rick took out the leader while Michonne took out the one pinning her. Daryl went for the ones behind him while the swordsman was heading for the guy pinning Carl but right before she even drew her sword, the sound of a shotgun rang through as the guy splatters against the car sliding against the rusted metal until he met the floor. Carl scrambled away from the dead man feeling Michonne’s protective hold wrap around him as the two heard footsteps approaching from the tree line.

“Holy shit” One of the remaining claimers paused in the middle of fist fighting Daryl to see the figure emerging. “You’re still alive?!” He snaps and right before Daryl could land another punch, he dropped the Claimer when a knife was thrown right at his skull.

“I’m a goddamn roach…”

Daryl quickly turned toward the voice finding Y/N drawing close to grab their knife. But add more insult to injury by crushing the man’s skull with their foot. They both drew their handguns to take out the one approaching from behind Daryl and without a second thought after the assholes were taken care of, Y/N wrapped their arms around their dad feeling him tighten his grip on them.

“I’m so tired, dad…” Y/N sobbed holding onto him as he let them fall apart in his embrace relieved they were alive.

The five settled where they were to give them all a break of what had happened. Michonne stayed with Carl in the car with Rick keeping watch as the Dixons were outside of such leaning against it.

“I thought I lost yea…” Daryl frowns resting his head on top of theirs that was perched on his shoulder. “Thought I lost yea to the illness, then the collapse…”

“I should’ve taken better care of myself…then I wouldn’t have gotten sick, and sort of left there”

“I didn’t want to leave your side. I stayed with yea until the Governor came crashing into our home. I tried to go back but Beth saved my ass from getting killed trying”

“I’ll thank her when we find her”

Finding her dead wasn’t what either expected and neither of them hesitate to take the cop down after she shot Beth. They each took their own toll on the matter.

Couldn’t save her, does that have future indications toward his own blood

Couldn’t save her, was there really a consequence for mattering for oneself for a change

Daryl frowns watching Y/N sit beside him after watching what he did with the cigarette in his hand. They brushed off the ash from the burn checking how bad it was as he took his hand away.

“It’s not as bad as what my dad did to me”

“Still shouldn’t have done it. I still need yea around, old man”

The archer rolls his eyes before wrapping his arm around their shoulders bringing them in.

“What did we learn from this?”

“It’s okay to fight for someone else…as long as you don’t forget yourself”

“Good”

[lillylvjy]

So ride with me tonight.

notes; hello hello! Another softball Wilma fic! I feel like this is the one time I’m just like being consistent with posting and I’m happy about it so! I have more coming! Enjoy!

Warning; reader has a bunch of religious trauma but it’s barely mentioned, reader has a sibling that is barely mentioned, we love Diane and Mark, readers mom is kinda an asshole who’s name is Kathy, so much fluff between reader and Wilma, Wil is the third wheel, reader in dress, kissing, Wilma and reader teasing wil, if I missed anything please tell me!

who; softball!wilma x female!reader (sorry! I fed into my delusions)

edited; nope!

wc; 1.4k

au by @phxntomsdusk !!!

You saw her once you walked in. Your family always sat close together, usually behind them, considering her mom was really close to yours. But today was different.

You guys decided to sit with them.

Wilma smiled as you followed your family to where the Gold’s were sitting, standing up so your parents and siblings could scoot down to her parents and sat back down once you were the last one to pass. Wil gave you a smile as you sat down next to her, pinky automatically linking with yours.

Turning your head, her smile igniting your own, as you fully slipped your hand into hers. Your mom once asked you why you always held hands with Wilma, getting suspicious on why you both were so close.

“Mom. We grew up with each other, we’re best friends, can’t friends hold hands? Diane said you guys used to all the time…”

“Touché”

After that she didn’t say anything but you knew she had some suspicions, you just had to steer her away from them. You hated lying to her but if it was the only way to protect yourself and your relationship with Wilma, you’d take what you can get.

“Good morning love.” Wilma whispered to you as you grabbed the book and flipped to the page the first song was on.

“Good morning.” You said softly as the organ started playing and everyone stood.

The whole time Wilma was either shoulder to shoulder with you while you stood, or she was holding your hand while you sat. She just wanted you close, as you did her.

After church was over, your family stayed back until all the rush to get out and go to brunch was over as you all walked outside.

“Hey, darling. Wanna hang out? Get lunch, go shopping, anything before I have my game this evening? Don’t ask why it’s in a Sunday, i’d really like to know as well…”

“Can I come with?!” Wil asked as he over heard Wilma’s ask.

You laughed as Wilma scoffed and agreed to dragging him along. You looked at your mom, who was currently laughing at something Diane said. You wanted to go, you really did, but was it worth the lie?

One glance at Wilm was all you needed to determine your decision.

“Ok, give me a minute and see what mother says…” Wilma and Wil both laughed at the name as you walked over to the adults. You rubbed your hands on your dress as your anxiety started rise up. You didn’t like the thought of your mom asking you so many questions to the point you’d break and reveal everything. You didn’t want her to find out and ruin this. It was the best thing you had so far. “Hey mom? Dad? Can I go out with Wilma and Wil? They want to hang out before Wilma’s game. And can I also go to that as well?” You asked hesitantly, playing with your hands as your nervousness showed.

Mark and Diane both smiled at you as your mom looked at your dad for an opinion, yet he didn’t have one, shrugging and pointing at your mom. She sighed and looked at you, “What will you be doing? Better be nothing bad, especially since it’s Sunday and you should be at home reading the Bible with us-“

“Hey, Kathy. She’ll be ok, I promise. I bet they’re only going out to breakfast and coming back to our house! I’ll bring her home after the game safely. I promise.”

“Also what would it hurt for her to miss just one Sunday of reading the Bible…” Mark finished off as he wrapped his arm around Diane and smiled at you. You smiled back at both of them with so much thanks and love for them. They were more of parents to you the your actual parents were.

Your mom sighed as she nodded. “Ok fine, yes! Be safe, and Wilma! Don’t kill my daughter!”

“Won’t even think about it!” Wilma yelled back as she smiled at you. “You comin’?” Wilma yelled at you as she tossed her keys in her hand while Wilbur ran to the truck.

Your smile was as wide as ever as you hugged your mom and your second parents, thanking all of them as you ran over to Wilma, you grabbing her hand and pulling her with you.

“Don’t you think it’s slightly weird how they always hold hands?” You heard your mom ask.

“Kathy, we used to do that all the time, plus they’re practically family.”

Family. The word was deeper than your mom could realize. Mark always told you how Wilma seemed lighter and more involved with things besides softball ever since you both became close and started dating. Diane also said how happy Wilma looked too, more than she’s seen in a long while. She always wanted you to her part of her family, whether that was marrying one of her kids or her adopting you, she would take anything. And she certainly got something. Wilbur also made fun of you two, always saying how gross you guys are, but he silently appreciated the relationship. Seeing his sister and best friend happy was more than enough.

“Baby? You ok? I lost you for a second.” Wilma pulls you to her gently as you slow down and look up at her.

“I’m good, but the sound of me being part of the family has a nice tone to it…”

Wilma slowly smiled as she scoffed and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, bringing you into her chest as she walked. “So you do want to get married?”

“Who said anything about marriage….” Wilma looked down at you with wide eyes and anxiety lacing her pupils. “I’m joking, yes of course I do!”

“Thank fuck… my plans would be ruined….”

“What?! Plans? WILMA-“ Wilma pulled away as she started sprinting to the car, you close behind, silently thanking yourself for wearing sneakers with your dress this morning.

Meeting her by the drivers seat, both of you panting as Wilma looked down at you with fond eyes. “Have I told you how pretty you look today, especially in that dress?”

“Thank you my love, but we’re not done with that conversation-“

“Yes ma’am!” Wilma said as she held up her hands defensively as you pointed at her. Both of you laughed as she opened the driver side door, to find Wilbur in the middle seat on his phone. “Hey! Idiot! Scoot over, that seats for her.”

“Pleaseeeee I love the middle seat!”

“No! Now scoot, unless you want me and y/n to hold hands across you and-“

“Ok! Ok fine! There… happy?” Wil asked as he patted the seat for you resting his arm on the head of the seats. Wilma’s truck was an older one, where there was only one row of seats and that was the three in the front, all connected. But you all cherished and loved the old rusty thing a lot.

“Very.” You said as you climbed in, Wilma standing behind you, blocking anyone’s eyes to from seeing anything and to also get in the car herself.

Getting settled in, Wilma took the aux out of Wil’s hands and gave it to you. “She’s the guest, she picks the music.”

“Baby you forget we all share a driving playlist..” you said as you pressed play on the shared playlist, Oklahoma Smokeshow by Zach Bryan coming through the speakers.

Wilma smiled at you as she placed her right hand above your knee, your hand coming and connecting with hers. “I know but I want my girl to pick the music she wants too.”

“And this is the perfect music for me.” You smiled back at her as she leaned down and kissed you gently, both of your smiles interfering as you did. Your free hand reached up and cupped her cheek, rubbing the bone that sat so prominently on her face. You both stayed put, lips not touching but close enough to look like they were, and smiles as bright as the sun.

“…. Did you forget about me?”

“Wilbur I swear to god!” Wilma groaned as her brother as she pulled away and looked at him with anger filled eyes.

Laughing, you rubbed her cheek once more before letting go of her face and squeezing her right hand in yours. “Ok, let’s get some food yeah? I’m starving. Plus he just has to be grateful it didn’t get any worse-“

“Ok! Breakfast yeah? Where are we thinking?! Cracker Barrel, Bob Evan’s-“

You weren’t paying attention to the male as the song continued to play and ring out as the ending played and Wilma’s singing filled your thoughts.

taglist; @mysticalsoot @phxntomsdusk @ivvees-blog (wanna be added? Send an ask or dm!)

[philsmeatylegss]

Honestly I can’t keep quiet at this point. This generation and tiktok mostly made autism a fucking quirky trend and it makes me want to slam my head in a wall. I genuinely believe 70% of people online who claim to be autistic are not or either are confusing it with another disorder (on tiktok it’s 95% I’m not remotely exaggerating). iT’s A sPeCtRuM NO SHIT DUMBASS. I fucking grew up with an autistic sibling and I was constantly in other places with autistic kids who were higher and lower on the fucking spectrum. But none of them act remotely like the fuckers on #actuallyautistic on fucking TikTok. Controversial opinion I completely stand behind is that self diagnosis isn’t reliable expect for a few conditions. By that, I mean conditions that have clear cut symptoms. You’re always anxious about everything, you probably do have anxiety. But when it comes to Autism, that’s such a fucking complex disorder that even a lot of doctors don’t fully understand. 100% agree that many women, POC, and those who grew up poor couldn’t get a diagnosis and got it later in life. As I said, I was constantly around autistic kids and most were white men. It’s an absolute mockery and disgrace to those online and in real life who actually suffer with Autism. Including people on the high end of the spectrum! Most of these people say they’re autistic and then list the symptoms of anxiety. It’s not a fucking quirky trait or an excuse. It’s not fucking trendy.

And I can’t say anything like this on platforms like tiktok or id be ripped to shreds. People who have little to no real life experiences or knowledge about Autism attacking someone who was always so close to autism that it fucked me up (I know it’s not my sibling’s fault before you yell at me). I’m fucking tired of it. I’m so fucking tired

Very recently the term “glass child” came out which describes siblings of a child with a physical and or mental disability and or a chronic/life threatening illness. The term comes from the fact that a constant feature of being a glass child is being seen through, forgotten, our voices ignored. And when we, people who have had close years of interactions with these disorders try to explain to you why you might be wrong and you just fucking shut them down, you’re just as bad as the people who ignored me when I was growing up.

It happens on here to. Definitely not as often and definitely not as obvious. But I fucking hate that it’s become a fucking trend on here. Yes, I know it’s a way for those with autism to cope, but a lot of people reblogging it are neurotypical. I’m glad it’s a way to cope, but autism isn’t a fucking funny punchline. It is half of the reason I’m fucked up (once again, I don’t blame my sibling).

Remember in 2020 on mostly tiktok and other face showing platforms being LGBTQ+ was a trend and now people say “I’m glad I’m over that phase?” The same fucking thing is happening now with autism. And what’s worse is that it undermines the credibility of those who are actually suffering with autism. I can promise you in the next few years, there will be tons of posts like “remember when I thought I was autistic? Lol worst period of my life, so cringe.” And then it’ll fall back into obscurity once it stops being a trend and when people forget about pretending to be autistic and no one will give a fuck. It happened with fangirl culture. With being LGBTQ+. Only this is more important and not a fucking trend

Idk if I’ll get hate for this or delete it, but I can’t handle it anymore. This really mostly applies to tiktok, but this happens on every single platform. And it genuinely upsets me and I can’t even point out this problem. For fucking once in my life, LISTEN TO ME. I’ve been there. I was there the whole fucking time. I spent my entire childhood dealing with autism and severe mental illness from my parents. I went to so many doctors with him. I couldn’t chose where I wanted my birthday or celebrations about me because it wouldn’t be good for my sibling. Pictures, lines, family trip were filled with screaming. Leaving events early because my sibling couldn’t handle it. Sitting and waiting for him to stop having a tantrum in my room and having fucking no one ask if I was okay. Having none of my emotional needs met do to Autism and other present mental illnesses from my parents. I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE. I SPENT EVERY FUCKING DAY SINCE I WAS BORN TILL I WAS 18 RIGHT NEXT TO AUTISM. I DIDN’T GET A BREAK. I WON’T BE ABLE TO LAUGH IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE I CLAIMED TO BE AUTISTIC. I’M NOT SURE MY BROTHER WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE ON HIS OWN AND HE’L HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE WITH ME. THAT’S THE FUCKING REALITY. THAT’S WHAT AUTISM IS. IT’S NOT BEING AWKWARD AND SOMETIMES OVERWHELMED BY OBJECTS OR SOUNDS. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT BECAUSE I WAS THERE. I HAVE 18 FUCKING YEARS OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT AUTISM IS. I’VE BEEN AROUND MANY OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE WHEN MY BROTHER NEEDED SERVICES FROM AUTISTIC ONLY PLACES. I COULDN’T FUCKING YAWN FOR YEARS WITHOUT BEING SCREAMED AT. FUCKING YAWNING. AND THEN I WAS ASKED TO STOP YAWNING! THAT IS AUTISM.

My mom works with teens and young adults who are close to the bottom of the spectrum. These children will never be able to have a life. A lot of them don’t talk. Or they only scream or say random words. Some do repetitive actions, often ones that cause injuries. Bigger male student have to be restrained by two or three men because they will not stop hitting themself of breaking property and are unable to stop. That’s what it’s like. At most, Walmart has a program for special needs adults to be baggers. Once they graduate, they live with their parents and then their siblings. Or they go to care home that specializes in autism. We’re fortunate that if it were to come to that case, we would be able to afford a nice one. But most parents or siblings of autistic children don’t have the money to send them to caring facilities. That’s the reality. That’s what you’re claiming to have the same diagnosis as (I KNOW ITS A SPECTRUM). I pity the real autistic people and glass children on platforms on tiktok or really any platform that are having the severity of their illness become a fucking trend.

I’ll probably delete this. But I’m just so fucking upset about it and I’m not fucking allowed to point it out. I wasn’t listened to my entire childhood because of a condition you’re claiming to have. Just for fucking once listen to me

[fantasticallyfruity4]

So last night @midnight-corvid and I were discussing how if hopper actually died eveyone and they moms would be shipping Wayne and Joyce and

Now I need to post some munson-byers family head cannons

We all know Wayne has that southern gentleman charm. The absolute rizz. Joyce deserves it. 10/10. What a man.

When they first get together and start interacting with each others kids wayne is so relieved to see how kind joyce is to his boy. Because people in this town have always judged eddie so harshly, so unkindly, so unfairly. Especially now, after all this shit. And yet she doesn’t. She treats him just like she does her own three kiddos. She’s maternal and loving and supportive and takes an interest in his interests and hobby’s and truly gets to know him. One night Wayne comes home from work a little early (around 2 am, he was feeling a little under the weather) and comes in the door to find eddie and Joyce at the kitchen table talking softly over tea. Eddie had a nightmare from the memories of the upside down. Something Joyce is all too well versed with. Of corse, Joyce and Eddie are instantly turning their worried attention to him when he comes in. (“Honey? Why are you home so early? Oh my you look so pale sit down, Eddie go get the thermometer”) (“you okay unc? Did you get hurt again?”)

Wayne and Eddie are somewhat surprisingly good at fixing things around the house. Years of being unable to pay for repairmen and fixing the car and the van and the trailer left them forced to become very handy. That means eddie and Wayne were all to eager to help jonathan get his car up and running again (“boy, this isn’t even too bad. We coulda fixed this months ago if you’d ‘a just told me. Come out with us eds and I will show you how to fix this”). God knows the byers house has a million things wrong with it from the years of abuse by interdementional monsters. And a teenaged girl with telekinesis and mood swings has led to its own damage (“we’re not mad sweetheart, it’s okay, but how did you do this to the toaster? I just gotta replace the bulb but how I’m gods name?”). On the weekends they pick little house projects to tackle in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up. Patching up holes in the wall, sanding the nail marks out of the floor. It’s their little morning routine, just them.The munson boys are handy.

Both Joyce and Wayne share the same anxiety/mindset that “if they can’t accept my son being gay they can get the hell out”. You can imagine both their surprise when joyce is welcome Steve in the house with open arms “my fourth son! Look at this, now I can officially call you my son in law! Isn’t that something! You know Steve if I didn’t love you so much I’d have to give you a proper shovel talk now.” And Joyce watches with soft eyes as Wayne kisses Eddie’s forehead as Eddie heads out on his date, and reminds Steve “drive safe out there, you’ve got real precious cargo, you know” (“I know sir, I’ll have him back before you leave for work, I swear”). She knows that when wills ready to tell anyone but Jonathan (becuase Joyce knows he knows. She can see it in his eyes when mikes over, he knows something that they’ve all known for a long time) he’s gonna be okay with it all. Hell, his chief complaint about argyle isn’t anything about Jonathan fooling around with another boy but “Joyce, that boy smokes more weed than, no offense- both our idiots AND Steve combined. And that’s a high feet to reach”

Getting close to jonathan is weird for Wayne.

He keeps to himself so much, he’s so reserved even with his mom and will and el. Maybe the most outgoing with will.

And him and Eddie settled into a strange relationship, of smoking together and pretending they believe that no one knows. They bond quietly and slowly over months of hot boxing the van and getting to know each other slowly. And Wayne’s happy got that, truly. That they get on, Atleast. But he can’t seem to find his in. The boys a good kid, respectful, polite, protective and loving of his mom and siblings and Eddie too. But Wayne just can’t find his own in.

Then one day Lonnie’s back in town, bothered by news of Wayne’s presence (trailer trash, really joyce?”) and he comes in, throwing a shit fit. And Wayne doesn’t need to have met lonnie to dislike the bastard. He treated his Joyce like shit, didn’t appreciate his wonderful kids, had the gaul to put his hands on Jonathan. And Wayne doesn’t like men like that. Small men, bullies who like to push around their kids and women. He didn’t like his own blood, his good for nothing brother for the same damn reason. So when he’s faced with Lonnie’s presence he’s almost excited to give that man the what for. And Jonathan is ready to get into it with Lonnie (“get lost dad, I’m serious. We don’t want to see you.”) Wayne is all too happy to come out of left feild and knock that man on his ass. He may be small and wirey but he Damn well can fight. And that wins Jonathan’s favor.

Will doesn’t know what to do with Wayne at first. Bob was weird, sure but he was nice enough- so nice to him and Jonathan, and tried to connect with him over nerdy things. But Wayne is a quiet man, a kind one, who loves his mom and is so good to him and his siblings like they’re his own, but he’s not sure how to interact with him. But Wayne just treats will the same way he did a little Eddie when Eddie first came to live with him. This is all very familiar to him. One day he plops down next to will while he makes his campaign. “Eddie always thought he was too cool to teach me how to play this game you boys love so much. Could you maybe spare a few minutes and help me out?”. “You watching Star Trek? Oh, I loved Star Trek back in the day, mind if I join you?”

El is a different story. Els had it hard. Too many father figures who did her wrong or died on her. So she’s hesitant to let Wayne in. He gets it. That girls been through hell. And he’s got no idea how to raise a teenaged girl, but he had no idea how to raise a little boy either and despite what local losers say his boy turned out Damn fine. So he’s not gonna push, but he’s damn well gonna try his best. “Joyce, we’re out of syrup” el calls out one mourning with a wobbly lip and water fills eyes. Wayne has come to underrated that as strong as she is, she’s real sensitive to little breaks in her routine, and this is a very important part of her routine. Because she misses her dad, and these damn waffles remind her of him. And when the boys all flounder trying. To figure out what to do, tear apart the fridge and cabinets for a spare bottle the poor girls just getting worse, pulling at her hair now. This is his chance, no pressure. “Hey, hey now kiddo it’s gonna be okay, I know it’s scary now but it’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna go to the store after breakfast and fix this but right now it’s scary, huh?”. And el looks up with teary eyes and nods. “Can I give you a hug?”. She nods again, letting Wayne give her a hug. “Take slow, big breaths. That’s what I used to tell Eddie to do when he was a kid and would get like this, slow big breaths.” And when el calms down he’s got a proposition. “Hey, I know it ain’t Mrs buttersworth, but have ya ever tried peanut butter and chocolate chips on waffles?”. El looks up with shocked eyes. “Chocolate chips at brekfast… is that… allowed?”. “Corse it’s allowed! I offered it didn’t I? Whatta ya say? Give it a try just for today?”. Later that night, el invites Wayne to watch Miami vice with her and Joyce. The boys have never been allowed, understanding it’s how the girls cope, a fact Wayne respected. They’d been through a lot, all of em. But El let him inz

Jonathan and el and will getting Wayne a “#1 step dad” mug for Chanukah. He cried.

If you thought joyce was a wreck when she got her first Mother’s Day card from el? You should see her with Eddie’s. Wayne was just as much of a cry baby when Eddie gave him his first Father’s Day card too. She cries. It’s snotty. She just loves her kids so much.

When Jonathan and Eddie walk across the stage at graduation, the cheers are so loud from their 5 person personal cheering section (not including their friends of corse) that joyce and Wayne get glares from the other parents. She doesn’t care. She’s a proud mom! Wayne’s a proud dad! And el and will are so Damn proud of their big brothers. (Note: el holds max’s hand the whole time at that graduation becuase Billy should have been on that stage, too). Jonathan is used to the outpour of love from his family at school events. And he’s still appreciative of it, but he’s used to it. Eddies never really had a schools accomplishment or a big family before so this is a new experience for him. And he’s a bright red mess under everyone’s affection and attention. Joyce needs a million photos of the boys and Steve can’t stop fussing with his cap and gown (“to fix it” but really bc he’s just so in awe and proud that Eddie did it) and el and will are just smiling like idiots

[readnburied]

Book Tropes I Hate

I wanted to do something different for this post and after searching through Google I came across this idea and realized I haven’t done anything like this before on my blog. So here are some of the book tropes I despise with all my heart. 

Love Triangles

I just can’t stand this trope. I just don’t understand how or why you would fall for another when you’re in love with the person you’re with. Plus, I hate it even more when the main character ends up cheating in any way on their partner because of this trope. 

Reverse Harem

Though I try to avoid this trope as much as I can, I have read a few books and I just can’t wrap my head around this trope and for that reason I don’t like it. It also kind of gives me anxiety, imagining multiple people being in love with one person. I just think, logically it would be incredibly stressful for the main character to deal with all of them. 

The Mary Sue

This one is just unbelievable for me to the point that I feel bored or keep rolling my eyes every time I read about such a character, which is quite often as in a lot of stories, the main character often ends up being the Mary Sue. People are not perfect. Everybody has flaws and I think that’s what makes a character more three-dimensional. 

Best of the Best

This is similar to the Mary Sue trope but I find this more in fantasy novels, where the character is the best at everything they do. In my opinion it lowers the stakes because you know that the character will win without a scratch on them. It gets boring really quickly and as always, I have a particular dislike for flawless characters. 

Dystopia

This trope/genre is downright uncomfortable and often stressful for me, to be honest. There are so many elements to this trope that I don’t particularly enjoy. One of them is that this trope often rips at the humanity of people by forcing them in circumstances beyond their control. Also, this trope hits too close to home at times which makes it difficult to digest. 

Best Friend’s Sibling or Parent

This is another trope which makes me uncomfortable because of the relationship dynamics between the characters. It’s just something I’m not personally attracted to, so I avoid this trope as much as I can. 

So these are some of the book tropes I loathe with all my heart. Let me know if you also dislike any of the tropes mentioned above, and if not, then what are some tropes you tend to avoid? I’d love to know. 

[vminity21]

Daybreak | jhs (Sneak Peek)

Pairing: photographer!hoseok x campcounselor!reader, exboyfriend!yoongi x female!reader

Word Count: 1,830 (for now)

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, supernatural, vampire!au, strangers to lovers!au 

Warning(s): smut but not in the sneak peek, angst, fluff, mention of disappearances, profanity; Rated: 18+

Credit to: @dee-ehn​ for making a cover that made my jaw DROP! You are super talented and I wish I had the creativity that you hold. Thank you!

Summary: When your best friend, Kim Taehyung, all but forces you to be a camp counselor at his mother’s camp for kids, you are dreading every second. Love at first sight hits you when you least expect it when your eyes land on the handsome Jung Hoseok. As weeks pass, the mysterious disappearances of a few people you know are starting to scare the town, and when Hoseok goes missing, the desperation to find him is strong. What you find out is a lot more unbelievable than you would have ever imagined.

“I find it very odd that you consistently persist on me packing pancake mix,” shoving loose strands behind your ears, you zip closed the overly stuffed duffel bag with sarcastic excitement in tow. Once or twice as a child you have experienced summer camp, but the separation anxiety you had being away from your mother led to you staying home thus after. At 24 years old, you decide it is time to tackle the counseling portion- but was it your decision entirely or was it, Taehyung’s?

“Have you not been camping before!? You set the pan over the fire and walla, flat cakes.”

Taehyung’s mother happens to own the summer camp for parents who need a break from their kids. She would joke about how much hell Taehyung and his siblings put her through growing up, so in much consideration for parents whose kids are released from school, she created a haven for kids to focus on nothing but having fun. As well as engorging in many snacks. Outwardly, Mrs. Kim jokes. Inwardly, she loves giving kids a break from the stressful pressure of learning, too. And when his mother begged for help, Tae and the rest of the friendship crew offered to help Mrs. Kim and sign up to be counselors which you avoided until now.

“I wouldn’t even be considering this if you hadn’t signed my life away without my permission and seriously, I miss my cat.”

“I did get your permission, you were just too drunk to remember, now hand me the sunscreen,” Taehyung points in the direction where you shift slightly to reach for it. Tossing it to him, he fumbles but manages to catch the bottle before shooting you a teasing glare. “Also, your parents are capable of caring for your cat as well as my dog and you will see her when you get back.”

“Remind me to never get drunk again,” you deadpan.

“Look, I know the breakup with Yoongi still hurts. I also know that Koya has Yeontan to keep her company, and I honestly think this will be fun for you. Just trust me on this,” Taehyung reaches to peck your cheek in a way to bring comfort. Your heart is touched even though the dull pain of missing Yoongi still remains.

“But what if I lose a kid? Then what?” You try to change the subject to prevent further pondering.

Chuckling, he shakes his head, his fluffy, dark hair ruffling in the process, “I promise you will not lose a kid, y/n. It’s nearly impossible with how many counselors we have, plus we always happen to find them. Just look for the snack stand, and you will find whichever kid happened to wander away from your supervision.”

Groaning, from behind, you wrap your arms around Taehyung’s frame. “You better be right about this. It’s about time I have some non-alcoholic endeavors. Plus, I miss everyone…. And my cat,” by everyone, you are referring to the rest of the group of friends who happen to be the camp counselors, too and are beyond excited to welcome you to their favorite time of the year. “Monnie and Namjoon are going to be there, right?”

“First off, your mom promised to snapchat us pictures and videos of the animals, so I’m going to need you to relax. Secondly, yes, LenLen and Jimin will be at camp with Joon and Monnie.” Taehyung pauses briefly as if to gather his words carefully, “I think Yoongi said he was going to forego this year,” which you squeeze your eyes shut in mild relief, “Seokjin was supposed to cover for him, but nobody has seen or heard from Seokjin in a while,” Taehyung swallows with concern etching into his glance. Loosening your arms slightly, you press your cheek to your best friend’s back as you remember the last time you saw Seokjin.

“He was so pale to the point his lips lost color, too,” you murmur, “Do you think he’s sick?” Everyone voiced their worries, but Seokjin waved them off assuring that he felt perfectly fine. After that night, he hasn’t responded in the group chat, nor has he responded to Taehyung.

“I don’t know…. Jimin ordered for a wellness check, but it appears Seokjin may have left to visit his parents in his hometown.”

Jimin happens to be an undercover police officer, hence why Mrs. Kim hired him to keep watch of the campgrounds if anything were to occur. “And he’s sure?”

“According to Jimin, there were missing suitcases, ones him and LenLen gifted Jin and evidence of majority of his clothes missing, and when he contacted Seokjin’s parents, they claimed that he was coming to visit them, but that’s the most I know.”

“I’m just so shocked about his sudden transition. I mean he hasn’t missed a group gathering ever. And…. He’s your best friend, so why hasn’t he at least reached out to you?” You whisper the final sentence knowing this has taken a toll on Taehyung.

“With how top tier he is about fashion, it doesn’t surprise me that he nearly packed his entire wardrobe…. I just have this strange feeling that something isn’t right.”

“He was single?” Relating to the feeling of heartbreak, considering you and Yoongi cut ties not long ago, the anticipation of wanting to run away for a long time was originally at the forefront of your mind. Is it possible Seokjin had fallen in love and left due to a breakup? Since you have a cat at home, that you love more than life itself, you couldn’t bring yourself to hide when you have her to tend to and feed.

“So far he hasn’t been seeing someone from my knowledge, so I’m not sure if he’s had his heart broken,” Taehyung turns to embrace you entirely, sadness drowning the silence while you squeeze him tight. His warmth melts into your frame and you breathe in his crisp, floral scent.

“He will come back,” you promise, “Maybe it has to do with his job, maybe he just needs a mental break, or maybe the woman of his dreams broke his heart, and he doesn’t know how to talk about it. Either way, I know he will come back.”

“Alrighty, come on,” Taehyung pulls away enough to see your face, resting his palms on your arms. He forces a brief smile, “Let’s go before we’re late.”

There is information that Taehyung withholds for the privacy and sake of Seokjin as well as another person that you know who happens to be involved, but guilt sheds off his expression as you follow him out the door. The duffel bag weighing heavy on your shoulder, you try to suppress your anxiety about the new adventure you are about to go on. Numerous ‘what if’ questions cycle through your mind regarding doubt on whether you will be fit to be a counselor or not. Admittingly, you are quite the introvert which is why Taehyung has been the perfect friend for you because he knows how to get you to try being social.

At the bus stop, you are relieved that the pair of you make it on time enough to not have to wait long. Shuffling through the aisle, you pick the emptiest section to give you and Taehyung privacy in case if any personal conversation is brought up, and you settle against the window while he descends beside you. Observing the people who enter the bus, your heart leaps as an individual with a neatly trimmed undercut, soft eyes, and an incredibly sculpted jawline, sets to tread the aisle, his phone held out before him as he holds his arms closer to his body; and his mouth is ajar as he concentrates on where to sit. Awestruck may not be enough to describe how enchanted you are by the sight before you, and you nearly want to crawl into a hole and hide when his gaze flits to meet yours.

He is just as reactive to your presence as you are to his, for he can hardly take his eyes off you when he settles in a booth adjacent to where you are seated. You jolt to face more of the window, not even sure how to respond to the way your heartbeat increased. “You okay?” Taehyung, witness to the whole thing, muses leaning to whisper close to your ear.

“Yeah,” you reply much quicker than you mean to, but you nod along hoping that he doesn’t ask further. “I’m just nervous is all.” Your one syllable laugh did not go as planned either.

“You’re going to be just fine.” Taehyung smirks, “And don’t pretend like I just didn’t see you play eye hooky with that dude over there.”

“You saw nothing,”

“I beg to differ.”

Nudging Taehyung’s shoulder playfully, the pair of you chuckle to yourselves as you try with all your might not to look over at the handsome gentleman. You are still fresh out of a breakup, so you know trying to pursue anyone is a horrible idea right now. Eventually, the bus heads on its merry way while you force yourself to focus on other things. In the booth before the cute guy, you see a young girl scrolling through her phone, narrowing your eyes, you’re hoping that Taehyung’s sleeping frame blocks most of you, so the individual doesn’t notice, but you see the picture of the missing person report that was filed several weeks ago. Jeon Jeongguk, smiling happily in the picture provided, you feel the emotions trickling in about the story; like Seokjin, it is as if the young lad up and left, but without any evidence of a destination. No foul play was noted, nor the finding of a body, yet the mystery of his disappearance has rendered the town speechless.

“Has Jimin heard any updates about the guy that went missing recently?” You whisper to Taehyung forgetting for a moment that he had dozed off. Taking the tip of your finger, you lightly trace the tip of his nose, but the most he does is tiredly flick your hand away. “Bruh,” he grunts, “let me snooze.”

“But I’m bored,” you whine, reaching to tickle his bottom lip for him to swat at your hand again. With pressed lips attempting to stifle a loud chuckle, the handsome man lets out a breathy response of laughter at what he has witnessed.

“Count sheep,” Taehyung slurs toward you which is his way of saying, ‘please sleep, you are annoying me.’ Playfully pouting, you cross your arms as you slump in your seat. If Taehyung can’t stay awake enough to entertain you then who else is there? Unfortunately reading a book or playing on your phone plagues motion sickness so to avoid that disaster, you contemplate the bravery to peak over at the fellow who you can’t seem to not stop thinking about. Would he be freaked out if you maybe scooted past Taehyung to make your acquaintance?

[emeritus-fuckers]

Ayyyy congrats on the 1k followers! 🍾 I’m going to join in on the Ministry Role if that’s alright (:

1. Would you say you're more likely to be a Sibling of Sin or a Ghoul? Why

Both? Sibling for not feeling like a person at times. And Ghoul simply for the fact I feel like a creechure but not all the time. It’s a little hard to explain with words.

2. Which Papa would you prefer to work with? Why? (Sister Imperator is included)

Primo or Copia. They both have a more laidback vibe that would save me from keeling over with terrible social anxiety lol. And both would be great to talk to if they ever wanted to speak with me. I like listening to people and their stories.

Maybe Nihil as well if he ever needed assistance. Im mostly open to whoever needs the help the most.

3. Are you an introvert, ambivert or an extrovert? Tell us a little more about it.

Extremely introverted. A few hours of being around more than two people is overwhelming and requires rest else overstimulation becomes physically painful.

4. What chore do you like the most/hate the least?

I like doing things with my hands. Sweeping, mopping, dusting, even pulling weeds from a garden helps put my mind at ease.

I don’t like doing dishes as much. The textures can make me cry lol.

5. Do you like to travel, or maybe you prefer to stay at home?

I’m in between. I love traveling and seeing new places. Especially restaurants and museums! And I love staying put to keep the same repeat patterns.

6. Freebie. You've got five sentences to tell us anything you want about you

I have several hobbies that I always shift between sketching, writing, reading, sewing, growing plants and even making bracelets to give out as gifts. I am spending a lot of time sketching up designs and creating new projects. Music is a huge part of my daily life and I often listen to help me calm down and stim. I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and autism at a very early age and do struggle a lot with social interactions and need frequent breaks.

This post is part of the 1000 followers whats my role in the ministry event. Entries (asks) for the event close on 23rd October

Your role in the ministry is… Assistant gardener to Papa Emeritus I

Primo always allocates you a part of the garden that he knows is out of the way of most people. This means you get to work in peace.

He will come and join you though. He enjoys your company a lot so you often go for a tea break together.

He’ll also happily tell you stories while you work.

You can listen to music as much as you want when you work.

Primo is very laid back you can take as many breaks as you need whenever you need. All he cares about is that you feel happy and comfortable.

You made him a bracelet taking inspiration from his favourite plants in the gardens. You used colours of their leaves and flowers and have it to him. He was so touched by the gift, he wears it all the time now and he gave you a big hug.

The Ghouls who work in the garden love your bracelets they took to following you around from a distance (making you tea bringing anything you needed to you). Primo had to explain it was their way of asking if you’d make them bracelets. Which you did. The Ghouls loved you anyway but now they totally adore you.

Primo has told you that you can write and sketch in the garden whenever you like. He and the Ghoul’s decided to move a garden bench to a more secluded part of the garden so you can sit there whenever you want. Whenever you decide to sit there the Ghouls seem to know in advance and you always find blankets and cushions laid out for.

~

Written by Nyx

[soul-artist]

My ex besties fam cut ties with my parents and I’m jealous that I can’t do the same. My ex best friends family got close with my family. Eventually, they meshed with our family friends too. Her parents were generous, kind, snarky and very very giving. If there’s one thing you can ever accuse them off, it’ll be vanity. On the other hand, my parents couldn’t be described. They are nightmare in a single package? My dad would brag about giving us “everything we’ve ever touched” so loud as if we didn’t stop “touching and picking” things for the taunts of “I have bought you this”, “that’s so expensive”, “I bought you this, so you better do this for me” that’d eventually come. Emotionally that’s are a solid (minus)-1000000. Couldn’t ever rely on them for anything, we’ve never been shown compassion in this household. They’d VIEW themselves so morally superior to everybody while doing below bare minimum everyday is fucking hilarious. The bestie’s mom would try to connect with her, lash out from lack of understanding like other brown parents, but her redeeming quality was she’d put an effort to understand her daughter AND bring her the help she(daughter) needed. Doing all that, she’d also spoil her daughter with things that her daughter would take interest in, from books to clothes and jewelries, baby her daughter, stand up for her in social settings and cut people off who’d disrespect them (my own sperm donor being one of them). My mom would 24/7 engage in backbiting and gossiping with other people and cry about what other people said about HER to us, like, woman as if you haven’t been doing the same thing about others regarding things that doesn’t even concern you. My sperm donor considers himself as very religiously wise, but partakes in worse habits than my mom. He has arrogance for days with zero actions to match with it- the ultimate hypocrite. Now both of these very damaged, very unwilling-to-heal individuals would have toxic fights all the time since before was born probably that my core childhood memory is just traumas. I still can’t imagine what complete “safe and serene” feels like and its been two decades since I have been here in the world. I would have anxiety from the disrespect and the level of lows one could go to that they have blatantly shown me over the years, I cannot form a single meaningful, friendship with anyone else without fearing that that hates me secretly. I can’t trust anyone’s love, can’t trust anyone’s genuinely good person at heart because I didn’t see it much without any hidden evil intention behind it before my own eyes. One of my friends dad has made her emotionally so strong, after his passing she’s managed to pick herself up AND support her brother who’s a decade older than her while also doing uni full time. One of my other friends mom would pray for her before every single one of her tests, be it be a major one or a minor, before she lefts the house. Many others have a Friday tradition of cooking special dishes. I know that have their downs too, but that have this specific, consistent act of a single good thing that they know they’ll get from their parents. They have that surety of good, that me and my siblings don’t have. Because despite how many times my parents says they are holo in his the world by owing the bills and managing the house, the other parents are doing those too. It’s the fact that what are you doing for our “happiness” rather than keeping us alive.

Hav I mentioned my sperm donor is allergic to happiness? Anytime we’d laugh a bit loud or be excited about something he’d put us down for it, mock it and generally invalidate us by stressing how unimportant, mundane and unnecessary the thing was. He never celebrated our wins( because it was never “good enough”), but made sure to always lament us for our losses. A real sunshine to be around tbh. He’s the foundation that you want to leave as soon as you can, than the one you’d build your home around.

[velvetcloxds]

FIGHT FOR ME | M.M.

Pairing: matt x gn!reader (no pronouns used)

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: anxiety, being overwhelmed, being foggy's younger sibling, pet names like baby and sweetheart

Summary: you'd been trying to cope with your anxiety alone, but you finally work up the courage to tell matt that you need help

A/n: requested by @foggywells with the prompt "you're not doing this alone" from this prompt list- hope you like it bestie <33

Matt was confused by the cryptic message he had received from Foggy, simple instructions begging him to go to your place to check on you. Foggy wasn’t one to depend on anyone else to take care of his family, even if the family member in question wasn’t quite fond of letting anyone take care of them, to begin with. It was no secret that there was something between you and Matt, had been since their college days, but neither of you knew how to act on it, or what it was. Every now and then you’d find yourself cuddled in his arms, longing for him, him longing for you, it had always been a mere build-up of fleeting moments that never became more. But he never stopped acting like it did, he’d carry you on his hands if you let him, settling instead for little gestures of love he hoped would go unnoticed by your stubborn heart, and most of them did- by you, but not by Foggy. Which is why he sent Matt to you, knowing that if you were to surrender your heart to anyone, it would only be him.

“Over here,” you all but whispered as you heard the door shut, needing no signs at all to know who was crawling into your presence and you hid a small sigh of relief as he stilled on the roof behind you, keeping his distance for now, as always. Listening for clues, taking note of the speed at which your heart hummed in your chest, deciphering whether the soft sniffs were due to the cold or because you’d been crying, even hearing the normally soundless movements of your hands moving across your arms in search of warmth. There was something wrong, he knew that much, but your body wasn’t telling him what it was.

“Y/n,” he began, and you swallowed, nearly giving in to your emotions but successfully pushing them down once again, you’d developed that skill so well, might as well put it to good use for a few minutes more.

“I know he sent you, Matty,” you breathed and that was your first slip, unconsciously making it clear to Matt that Foggy’s concern was warranted and his own was growing with rightful prompt. “I’m grateful that he did because I’ve been looking at your number on my screen since last month, begging myself to call, begging myself to give in.”

“Give in?” Matt repeated and you nodded, eyes still sauntering over the buildings around you as you acknowledged every sound of the city. He took calculated steps towards you, not wanting to rush you, not wanting to crowd you, but he was quite quickly beginning to lose his mind at the idea of something being wrong that he might not have the power to fix. “Give in to what, sweetheart?”

“To you. To myself,” you admitted with tired eyes fleeing to meet his, frowning when the meadows of hazel were hidden behind reflections of red glasses. “I don't know how to be weak in front of the people I love, how to show them that I’m struggling, that I’m drowning,” you sighed, being the one to take a step forward as Matt tilted his head to listen to you, choosing not to look too far into the mentions of love just yet. “I’ve been so hung up on staying in control that I only now realize that I haven’t been in control for years.”

“What do you mean?” he knitted his brows together as you reached out to carefully rid him of the silver frames, heart skipping a grateful beat when you got to see him, all of him, glasses stuffed into his blazer’s pocket before you continued. “I need a little more than that, baby, need to know how I can help you,” Matt noted, and you closed your eyes at the tone, at the care, how odd to finally hear it in his voice, so clear and unwavering.

You’d been no fool to the fact that you were in love with your brother’s best friend, and you’d not dare ignore that he felt the very same. But it felt selfish. You were struggling, had been for so long, you’d learned how to cope, how to force yourself up from the concrete and wipe the sand from the bloodied bruises before doing it all over again, but you were tired. Somewhere in the frenzy of trying to keep going, no matter what, you’d lost yourself- lost your control, lost your mind. How could you let Matt into that madness? How could you turn to him after all he’d been through, all that he’s still going through? You had no right to the pain that you felt, to the fear and the torture inflicted on you by your own mind- you had it good, many people had it much worse, but it never felt so, never felt like you had a moment of peace, of happiness. You woke up every day with a sword in your hand and an army in front of you and you fought, without objection, you fought them. You took the blows and the cuts and the bodies that forced you into your grave alive- but only when you looked up and saw your own face behind their armor did you realize how far you’d gone, how far you’d allowed yourself to go, and you couldn’t go on like this any longer. You were losing yourself and as terrifying as it was to admit that out loud, it was far more terrifying looking into the mirror and seeing a stranger. You’d been fighting yourself by yourself and it would destroy you if you didn’t call out for help.

“I can’t cope with everything on my own anymore, Matty,” you began with a shaky breath, considering backing out, considering back-peddling back into your shadows to fight the soldiers all alone, but Matt knew you, knew that you were sweating, nervous, anxious. He’d grown accustomed to your body running on high and he noticed now, more than ever, that he couldn’t remember the last time your words were in agreement with your heart, not until now. You were reaching out, you were surrendering your sword and he couldn’t be prouder, couldn’t be happier. You were choosing to be weak in order for him to help you be strong. “I know it’s selfish. I know I shouldn’t be asking you- putting this on you- but I can’t keep fighting, Matty, I don’t have the strength to go on like this- don’t have the will-“ you gasped, hearing the words made it real, he could hear your pain, hear your weakness, he heard what you’d been hiding for years- he could hear that you needed someone when all your life you’d only been the one to help, never ask for help, never needed anyone other than yourself.

“I’m going to touch you now,” he muttered when he realized you were shaking, panic seething through your nerves as you showed him your deepest secret. His hands surrounded your wrists, delicately pulling you closer as you closed your eyes, stray tears slipping down your cheeks as you basked in the unfamiliar comfort.

“Please fight for me,” you whispered almost shamefully, and Matt nodded, his heart breaking at the sound of your voice, every single faux force of strength you’d built over the years, crumbling at your feet as he gripped you tightly. “Please, Matt, take control for me, just for a bit- I can’t do this alone anymore.”

“You’re not doing this alone,” he interjected, and you opened your eyes, coming face to face with the worry that tugged at his features. “I’m here, right here,” he sighed, and he saw no need for space once he heard you sniffing softly, pulling you forward so your fists rested against his chest, forehead settled against his. You’d never allowed him to feel you like this, feel you fall apart in his grip and he was sure he’d break down with you. Your mind was breaking you, destroying you and it angered him because he couldn’t get rid of it, couldn’t fight the demons who threatened what was his, because you were his, whether you’d openly titled it so or not, you were his to protect and take care of and make safe again, and he’d been waiting so long for you to let him, let him be strong for you and here you were, in his hold and he never wanted to let go, never wanted you to shatter like this again when he could so easily keep the pieces in place for you. “I’ll fight for you, baby, I’ll fight forever if you need me to because I’m not going anywhere,” he promised and you nodded, feeling a hand drift gently to your cheek to move your head towards him, soft lips melting against your cold skin as he held you still.

You thought it greedy, finding so much peace in so few words. You knew the burden was heavy, knew it was crippling and once you found yourself again, you’d feel guilty for placing it onto his shoulders, for expecting him to carry it with you. But you needed him, needed to remember what it felt like to be happy, to be free and Matt was willing to help, he was willing to be strong so that you didn’t have to be. He understood, so few people could but he knew your heart, knew that this was one of the most terrifying things you’d ever had to do, because it was real now- it was out there and you couldn’t hide from it, couldn’t hide it behind a kind smile and a helping heart. You were bare before him, you were brave enough to show him that you were broken, and he did what you thought no one would ever do- he laid down with you in the rubble.

all fandoms: @oliverwoodmarrymepls @scandalous-chaos @the-blue-forest

marvel: @wrongilbert @saintlike78 @cupids-crystals @scarlet-prey @mirclealignr @fandom-life-12 @queen-asteria04 @natashxromanovf @justreadingficsdontmindme @freeshavocadoooo @chimichimchim15 @sluttyzucchini @venomsvl @alexxavicry @murdockcastleslut @dumpsterfirecee @esposamultifandom

other: @star-spangled-man @imabee-oralizard @leahsficemporium @a-lil-bit-nuts @songofpolaris @onlyveryslightlysane @sarahisslytherin

[sribbles-drabbles]

Hey I have a small request and was wondering if you could write fluff about Trey , Malleus , Idia or Diavolo?

If you chose to do this thank you very much😇

Thanks so much for the request!!! Not quite sure you wanted in general for fluff, but given how many characters you asked for i’m going to do fluffy head cannons if that’s alright!!

♣️Trey Clover♣️

This man-

You wanna pay attention to him??? Him??

He’s flattered that you love him

Often offers to bake for you or bake WITH you if you prefer

He’ll make any recipe you that you want but keep you within the realm of reality (No you can’t have a cake made our of pie crust)

He’s a busy guy as a vice house warden so any time he gets to spend with you he’ll often relax and recharge

For him, you’re his battery. He likes to cuddle or watch movies, and any attention you’re willing to shower upon him is greatly appreciated

Looks for you often when he has a break. If you choose to hide from him as a joke, let the game of hide and seek begin!!

His younger siblings back home ask about you a lot as well as his parents. They’re all super excited to meet you, and Trey feels just a tad overwhelmed, but is happy they approve.

Nicknames: Love, Babe, Sweetheart

“Hey babe, I’m home…Riddle had a lot of paperwork today, so I’m feeling peckish, mind if I make us something sweet?”

💚Malleus💚

This man may appear intimidating but is actually fluffy as hell

He’s super touch starved and loves your attention

When you first started dating he’d get you flowers everyday until you had to tell him to stop because you had no space for all of them

Another big cuddle-bug behind closed doors

He just likes sitting with you, wether it be in the quiet or while you two talk the night away

He loves to spend time outside with you, mostly at night because it gives you both more time alone

This goes without saying, but Lilia already views you as his future child in law wether you like it or not bc even after a week or 30 years of being together Malleus never shuts up about you

Tells others how wonderful you are and how happy you make him

On one of your many walks or hang out sessions, ask the man about gargoyles and he’s yours

He almost physically melts and then proceeds to tell you about them for 5 hours while cuddling you close. (He only stops at dawn)

Nicknames: Child of man, my dearest, my darling

“Ah, you wish to know about the gargoyle near the entrance of the Academy? Well my dearest, I will tell you any and all secrets I know, so please listen closely~”

💙Idia💙

Otaku (derogatory) jk (Affectionate)

Idia is not exactly a social person, so if you managed to become his S/O you must have some strong will and personality he can clique with

Given all that you’re definitely the social butterfly of the two of you and while Idia doesn’t understand it, he DOES appreciate it

You slowly pull him out of his shell along with Ortho’s help

You and Ortho got up early and made him breakfast and cards for his birthday one year and he nearly started crying

Nearly. Refuses to let you see him cry.

He tries to be strong and a bit braver for you but is still really anxious

MASSIVE cuddle bug

Dear LORD is he touch starved, thus he’s super clingy and loves to hold you behind closed doors or not

While he’s pretty much totally against PDA he’ll never NOT hold your hand. It calms his anxiety a lot, especially when you give it a reassuring squeeze

Buys you all the merch you want bb

Nicknames: Babe, Baby, Angle face

“Y-You wanna come with me to this week’s board game club meeting?”

⭐️Diavolo⭐️

This man is BUSY

Being the prince and current ruler of an entire realm is hard work, and if you’re willing to make time to be with him around both of your busy schedules he’s over the MOON

Tea time together is a MUST. He asks Barbatos to make your favorite tea and sweets for the times you two are together

He’s unfortunately not a subtle one so prepare for some inadvertent PDA

Like, he’d make a whole festival just to celebrate you and how much he adores you

You’re just to great in his eyes and he wants you to know that!!

He’s less of a stay home and cuddler more of a “let’s go on a walk/mini adventure!!”

I say he’s tired but I mostly mean of work. He has golden retriever every and simply wants to do lots of fun, high energy, things with you to “relax”.

If you genuinely need a break however, he’s more than content to go bother the brothers while you simply watch fondly and are served tea by Barbatos

Nicknames: Darling, My dear, my Queen

“My dear!! It’s so wonderful to see you!! Did you know that Devildom is having a fireworks show tonight? We should go together!!”

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

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[t-wordy-kk]

Keeping My Sanity

Hey everyone!! Here’s the lovely anon’s request for a Strange x sibling!reader!! The Bucky Barnes request should be out within the next couple of weeks at the latest, I’ve been trying to update it when I can. Hope you enjoy!!

(Warnings: slight angst, sibling banter, minor cursing)

Word count: 2,220

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Can you PLEASE, for the love of all things that will help me keep what little sanity I have left, go find something else to do?”

Being a younger sibling had its perks. But, when you were younger by a solid 17 minutes, being younger than your twin brother, who just so happened to be the Sorcerer Supreme himself, Stephen Strange, was no longer as advantageous.

Ever since you were young children, both of you loved being twins with the other, despite how much the other got on your nerves, because you both knew it would be the two of you against the world one day. But nobody knew it would become literal. While Stephen chose to be a neurosurgeon, you went in the completely opposite route once you left high school, choosing to use your love of science and engineering, leading to you working for the Avengers and becoming Bruce and Tony’s main assistant. But, once the Avengers fell through, you reconnected with Stephen and he offered for you to live with him.

“But I want to learn magic. I can already build a working robot from scratch, how cool would it be if I could magic it around too?” You replied, hoping he would give in.

“Y/N, magic is a fine art, you can’t just expect for me to teach you something without spending a major amount of time being able to perfect it. And if you don’t perfect what you learn, there is the everlasting possibility of-”

“Oh I know, the whole ‘the universe will collapse in on itself, blah blah blah, interdimensional beings, blah blah’ spiel. Look, I get it, this is important. But remember hearing about the attack on the tower? Back before you had all of your magician abilities and you were still pulling bullets out of brains?”

When you walked into the lab after arriving at the tower, something seemed off. Even though Tony was still annoying Bruce while he was trying to finish his coffee just like always, something seemed different, and you couldn’t pick up on it.

“There’s our favorite assistant! You seem off Y/N, everything okay?” Tony asked, noting the somewhat blank expression on your face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. What are we working on today, a new suit, some sort of new compound for a new suit? Or am I just getting ahead of you?”

“Well, we were looking at some of the previous mission reports, and-”

Bruce was immediately cut off, the emergency alarm blaring through the lab.

“Tower’s under attack, the med team already got to the exit and they’re out. Team, suit up,” Tony said with a slight hint of panic, sending the message through coms.

“What about me, what should I do?” You asked, your anxiety levels beginning to rise, not helping yourself any. “Am I going to have to fight, Tony please don’t make me fight these guys, I’m so unpre-”

“Y/N, look at me. I need you to breathe, alright? We aren’t making you fight these guys. There’s a safe room that’s attached to every single bedroom through the vents. So you’re going to have to either sneak up there, or crawl through the vents. Take the glasses we finished the other day, JARVIS will project a map for you as long as you’re wearing them. Just keep yourself safe Y/N.” Wrapping you in a quick hug, Tony’s suit began to attach to his body, causing you to jump back in shock as the flight instinct took over your senses. All you knew was to get to safety at this point, not knowing how bad the threat was or how close they were to the lab.

“JARVIS, put the lab in lockdown mode,” You whispered, sneaking through the hallway, trying to see if you could pinpoint where the invasion was occurring just through your fear-induced heightened senses.

“Lab has been secured in lockdown mode. May I help you with anything else Miss L/N?”

“Tell me where I need to go to be safe, please. A-and just call me Y/N, it’s more comforting right now.”

“At the end of this hallway, get into the vent found on your left. The hallways are filled with intruders.”

“B-but I can’t climb around in the vents, much less crawl into one to begin with.”

“I will enable the vents to accommodate you.”

‘Man, Tony thought of everything,” You thought as the vent opened, heavy footsteps beginning to reach your ears. “Shit shit shit, this is crazy.”

Making your way through the vents after hearing the footsteps pass, you encountered a few close calls, but eventually dropped into the safe room. Knowing to simply stay quiet and tucked away, you found a small space to crouch in, making yourself practically invisible if someone were to walk in.

After what seemed like hours, you eventually heard many different types of footsteps approaching your safe space, causing you to impossibly burrow deeper into the small crevice, your breathing and heartbeat silently increasing to the outside world, but sounding like the world crashing down to your ears.

With the opening of the door, it seemed like everything momentarily froze. ‘This is it, this is how I go.’

Hearing a single pair of footsteps, slowly making their way in, the noise growing louder and louder, you tucked your head between your knees, not wanting to see the impending doom awaiting you.

As someone put their hand on your shoulder, you immediately flung out of your little space, trying to get whoever touched you as far away as possible.

“Kiddo, just breathe, it’s just me.”

“T-tony, I was s-so scared,” You sobbed, your tears soaking into his top as he tightly wrapped you in his arms, having taken off the suit moments before he came in.

“I know you were, and I’m so sorry for you having to experience that much panic. Why don’t we call your brother, okay? We’ll get him over here to be with you.”

“Oh, you were so mad at Tony, and that was, in my opinion, the shittiest way of meeting my boss,” You mentioned with a small laugh, slightly shuddering at the thought.

“Well, I’m still not teaching you because I’m always going to be here for you now, it’s as simple as that,” He replied, a slight smirk appearing that you failed to see, since he was invested in a book. He knew he could easily anger you to the point that you would let him be, he could do it ever since you were children.

“But Stepheeeeeen, it could be important one day,” You begged, grabbing the book from his hands.

“Give me that, you brat!”

“Let’s see, how to make your brother teach you magic spells, where could they be?” You sarcastically questioned, dodging his moves to try and retrieve his book away from you. “Oh look, here it is, ingredients call for 1 new brother, let’s see how I can make that happe-”

“Knock it off, you’re being foolish,” Stephen responded, finally grabbing the book out of your hands. “Now, if you would’ve paid any attention to the actual book, you would know that you don’t use ingredients for this type of magic.”

“Then what foreign language do I have to learn to understand this nonsense?”

“None, because, for the last time, I’m not teaching you magic.”

“Ugh, fine! But if I have to fight off evil space demons from Neptune and I’m unprepared, it’s your fault.”

“The demons would go for you first, I’d make sure of it,” He responded, an equal amount of sarcasm practically dripping from both of your mouths as he watched you overdramatically storm down the hallway. Stephen knew you wanted to learn, and he wanted you to be safe, but he also wanted to be your protector, the one to be there for you when you needed to be safe. His mind was in a loop, constantly arguing on whether or not it would truly be a good idea to teach you. But for now, he was going to try his best to hold out and see if you would let it go.

~~~~~~~~~~

As the days passed by, Stephen immediately could tell that there was not a single chance that you were going to let this go. He couldn’t get through a single two-hour period, or even one hour increments of time, without you bringing up him teaching you magic, whether it was subtly said or blatantly, in-his-face obvious.

“Good lord Y/N, what are you going to do next, wait until the world needs saving and then ask once more if I can teach you magic while I’m in the middle of trying to defend the world?”

“If that’s what I have to do for you to actually do it, then I might as well,” You answered innocently, knowing that you were going to hold strong on your side of the sibling debate. He knew you were relentless, but in retrospect, he was the exact same way, and even though he would never say it, he was proud of how stubborn you were, knowing that you likely got it from him in the first place.

“How much longer are you going to keep this up?” He asked with an exasperated sigh, tired of hearing your complaints.

“Until you give in and finally teach me.”

“What if I had a way to make you stop asking, then would you?”

“What would this entail?” You slowly questioned, a look of curiosity plastered on your face while a plan formed in Stephen’s head.

“Remember when you wouldn’t leave me alone when we were children, and even teenagers? And do you remember what I would do to make you leave me alone?”

“I have no recollection of any of this, I was the perfect one growing up,” You answered, a slight blush appearing on your cheeks, the memories flooding your brain from when you were little.

“Stehehephehehen nohohoho,” You laughed, trying to keep a firm hold on the novel you just took out of your brother’s hands, which he was currently in the middle of reading.

“You little brat, why did you take my book?” He asked, digging his slender fingers into your ribs.

“Becahahause I thought ihihit would behehe funNY HEHEHEY NOHOHOHO”

“Just because we’re fifteen, that doesn’t give you the right to try to play pranks on me. Remember, I’m older than you, so I will get back at you.”

“By seheventehen minutes, ihit isn’t that much,” You mentioned as his hands fluttered around your stomach, the giggles continuing to flow through your lips.

“You’re right, but it does allow me to do this.” As he leaned his head towards the center of your stomach, your thrashing became more violent, ending with you wiggling around in a squealing fit as he blew raspberry after raspberry on your stomach.

“STEHEHEHEPHEHEN NAHAHAHAAH”

The most ticklish sensation you ever felt, however, was once he stopped blowing raspberries and began nibbling on your stomach instead.

“STAHAHAHAP IHIHIHIHIT”

“Fine, but you better not take my books anymore.” Helping you off the ground, you gave him a look as you walked away, knowing what would occur if you acted up around him.

“Stephen, don’t you dare,” You slowly said, walking backwards until you bumped into the back of the sofa.

“Don’t what, dear Y/N? I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.” Slowly approaching you, the butterflies in your stomach kept getting faster, knowing what was about to happen.

“You know what.”

“No I truly don’t, but feel free to enlighten me on the subject. What am I not supposed to do now?”

“Tickle me, duh. Wait, I didn-”

“Your wish is my command,” He sarcastically responded, tackling you onto the couch and immediately digging into your sides, just like he would during your teenage years.

“Stehehephen nohoho”

“You asked for it, kiddo.” Moving to your ribs, your laughter became more high pitched, turning into giggles as he reached your underarms. “Ah, I remember what will make you give in, do you?”

“Yehehehes, leheave mehe alohone”

“Hm, I don’t think I can.” And with that, he began to blow raspberries along your stomach, adding nibbles here and there to increase the laughter, especially with his stubble rubbing along your soft skin.

“NAHAHAHAHA OKAHAHAHAY I YIEHEHELD”

“Hey, breathe there, don’t die on me,” Stephen mentioned with a chuckle, highly amused by your disheveled state.

“Sorry for being annoying,” You responded, soft giggles making their way into your words.

“Look at me, Y/N. It’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do. It’s just that this can get really complicated really fast, and it’s even easier to misuse the mystic arts. And it isn’t that I think you would misuse them, it’s just really easy for people to manipulate those who are still learning and make them evil, and I would never want that to happen to you.”

“I know that Stephen, but I promise you that I’ll take the time to learn, I’ll keep my rambunctious tendencies, as you prefer to call them, under control.”

“What if I think about it? Maybe consider the options.”

“Thank you Stephen,” You responded as you wrapped him in a hug. “Maybe one day I’ll be as good as you.”

“Don’t push it.”